#someone should euthanize me
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morbidcuriosity27o8 · 4 months ago
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I made more Bill cipher fanart... I fear he may be in my head.
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cursed-spirit-manipulation · 2 months ago
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lot of ppl upset abt the lack of. Any Real Acknowledgement of Gojo dying and I'm not saying they're wrong but I did realize that I think that's pretty much just how JJK is. Like Riko died. Anyway. Kuroi maybe? We don't know. Haibara died. Ok. Geto died. Like that's a big part of the plot but Gojo doesn't tell the first years SHIT about him. They just know there's a weird monk fucking everything up (and that's fucking Kenjaku lmao). Nanako and Mimiko. Nanako and fucking Mimiko. Like I'm not saying this is... Okay I'm mad about Riko bc like. She's a big part of the reason Geto BECAME A MASS MURDERER I'd enjoy if he mourned her more. I JUST REMEBERED THAT YUKI DIED. And Choso. ANYWAY I don't think this is Terrible Storytelling bc it does feel indicative of the way Jujutsu Society treats sorcerers (and potentialy civilians) where you're just expected to fucking Move Along. And I think there might be something genuine in Gojo, being a part of that system, still feeling like what he wants is to fade away after he dies, arguably showing that in the end he is the same as everyone else, he's human, he's mortal. And that being both a genuine desire and warped coping mechanism, and the way that's hard to truly parse. But also it does kinda sucks when the characters seem to straight up Forget the ppl who died... Like. Sorry I just got so mad Abt Larue and Miguel and THEY DONT EVEN TALK ABOUT NANAKO AND MIMIKO? TBEY TALK ABOUU MISSING GETO BUT WE CANT GET A SINGLE FUCKING MENTION OF HIS GOD DAMN DAUGHTERS? anyway the treatment of death in JJK is a good Foundation for themes and emotional resonance but uhhh Gege kinda sucks at writing so it's. It's eh
#JJK spoilers#Any and every fic I write where Riko dies. You bet everyone is going to be Fucking Upset. And yes I'm roping in Shoko#ANYWAY a personal gripe I have w JJK that I feel is half like Genuine Problem and half My Preferences is that it sometimes feels too#Idk exactly how to put this. Isolated maybe? First of all not enough characters who aren't sorcerers so the world feels off balance#Second of all the characters don't interact as much as I think they should. We don't get enough Tokyo/Kyoto interactions#We don't get enough Shoko/literally anyone interactions. We don't get enough Utahime/literally anyone interactions#I'm going to crawl into a hole and die. Riko is just fucking gone once the star plasma mission is over. Yuki doesn't even talk Abt her#Like. I know the twist comes later but.... AUGHHHHHH hurts. It all hurts. Fuck the culling games that shit SUCKED#We DIDNT NEED MOST OF THOSE CHARACTERS GEGE STOP MAKING NEW FUCKING PEOPLE. IM LOSING IT.#Anyway I'm going to my corner to be mad Abt the treatment of Riko Kuroi Nanako and Mimiko#FUCKING KOKICHI DIED. AND MAI. JESUS#I think the fact I refuse to let them die in my fics bc. I think they were wasted as characters. Is definitely messing with my memories#Of which characters died. But I also do feel like when a character dies they just kinda... Fade away instead of. Being acknowledged#As friends and family and even just people. Like it only matters for a few minutes and then you're done. So it's hard#To remember who actually fucking died cause the characters never fucking act like anyone DIED.#Someone should euthanize me
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disenchanfed · 7 days ago
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happy birthday daddy 👅👅
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orb-weaving · 2 months ago
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I have not been so physically unwell about a ship as chronohaul in a long, long time.
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bam-b00zle · 6 months ago
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mood for tonight. GUAH someone get me OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!!
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fragglerockopinions · 5 months ago
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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birbycakes · 10 months ago
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one last ramble- when it comes to working with animals I'd rather work with wild animals than pets, like as a vet or something. I just don't think I'd have the heart to deal with sick pets and people grieving for them/having to put them down/etc. It's just... different when it's a wild animal. It's still sad but a different kind of sad.
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supersonic1994 · 10 months ago
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opening + closing + cleaning month + saturday rush + training + employee dinner + midterm monday + 2 essays need to be written
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ellearts · 1 year ago
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ELLEEEEEE THE NEW STROLLONSO PICS 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THEY'RE SO CUTE 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I can't believe we finally got such good pics of them again!! And they were holding mics!!! Video together????????
Instantly,as I saw my tumblr notification about an ask, I KNEW IT WAS YOU!! ZHANKS YOU CATIE AND YSS IM ABSOLUTELY NORMAL !!! They are so adorbale I could write a million words on lance cute little bambi eyes !! As he is looking up!!! AND they are so joyous AND smiley AND happy UGH IM GONNA DIE !!!! WE ARE GETTING FED WITH 3 PICS IM SO FED BUT I NEED MORE OF THEM CUTIES!!!
YEASHH I INSTANTLY NOTICED THAT LANCE WAS HOLDING AN F1!!!! MIC LIKE??!?!?!??! WHAT ELSE COULD IT MEAN THAT VIDEO TOGETHER???like pleaseee f1 gods please please please we need.need another video its been 527722628282938 years and we are STARVED!!!
Cannot get over how happy and goody they looked,ANYONE who has said that they had a beef, NU-UH!!! Ofc they didn't,they love each other LOOKATEM
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diari0deglierrori · 5 months ago
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So what if she doesn’t come back
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islaluvsbones · 11 months ago
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what business does underfell papyrus have being THAT GORGEOUS😍😍😍😍 (everyone else in underfell is pretty irresistible too) but UGH the way some ppl draw underfell papyrus MAKES ME WANT TO CLAW AT THE WALLS BARKING LIKE A DOG (good connotation) SORRY FOR MY DOWN BAD RANT BUT UNDERFELL PAPS IS SUCH A AYGHHHHGGGHHHUHGHHHHHHHH 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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emodanascully · 11 months ago
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i've been sick since last wednesday when will this misery end
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drusill-a · 5 months ago
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What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward a beautiful flare of ruin, self-immolation, disaster? If your deepest self is singing and coaxing you straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or… is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name?
june gehringer, I get so jealous of euthanized dogs / joan tierney, dear 4am / caluco, maggots / margaret atwood, [you fit into me] / cameron barnett, murmur / lindsey drager, the archive of alternative endings / @mobydyke / donna tartt, goldfinch / trista mateer, honeybee / michelle zauner, crying in h mart / sylvie baumgartel, pink / joan didion, blue nights / john irving, a prayer for owen meany / brian eno / patrick james errington, after all this small talk, you’d think there’d be no weather left / madeline miller, circe / richard siken, a primer for the small weird loves / the lumineers, ophelia / jeanette winterson, written on the body / fariha róisín, how to cure a ghost / hayley williams, watch me while I bloom / lori gottlieb, maybe you should talk to someone / margaret atwood, cat’s eye / @preschooldr0pout / natalie díaz, postcolonial love poem / donna tartt, goldfinch
[ARMAND] [CLAUDIA]
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butchvamp · 2 years ago
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jeonstudios · 27 days ago
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fontana di trevi | 01
you seek out a vampire to help you with something.
pairing: vampire!jk x sadgirl, blood donor!reader
genre: vampire au, angst, fluff (really a sadgirl fic lol)
word count: 7.6k
warnings: blood, needles, talking about how you euthanize cows and such? suicidal thoughts (not graphic or elaborated? very straightforward?)
rating: NC-17 – Adults Only
masterlist
part 1/2
<previous | next>
© between takes is copyright jeonstudios. this fic can not be modified, re-posted, or translated without my permission.
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It’s a freezing cold December night when you step into the dark alleyway, your thighs having gone numb under your jeans a while ago. The sun set hours ago, and the only light present is that of a few scattered streetlights. 
Your pulse quickens as you take another cautious step. Something moves further in, where the light barely reaches, and since there’s no snow yet, you hear the slight crunch of frozen fall leaves under… footsteps. From the dark, a tall figure approaches slowly in a way that would have anyone’s blood chilling.
“I have a proposition,” you state, trying to stand somewhat tall.
"A proposition?” a low voice inquires, and you have to tilt your head up to look at the face that emerges from the shadows. “I’ll fuck you, but I’m not turning you for sex.”
“That’s not what—I don’t want sex or to be turned.”
He directs his full attention to you, and in turn, you get a better glimpse of his features. He looks like a man; incredibly handsome with jet black hair, eyebrows, and eyes, but his skin is paler than anything you’ve seen, and there’s the tiniest smudge of something red tinting the corner of his mouth. Though his eyebrow is raised, he doesn’t look very entertained.
“You can have my blood. All of it, if you just take it quickly.”
He lifts his hand to slowly wipe the red from his face. The outfit he wears—a black leather jacket and black pants—looks human but is definitely too cold to wear this time of year.
“What makes you think I wouldn’t simply take it if I wanted to? Why would I need your permission?”
“I’m just saying. Take it if you want it?”
He looks at you, seemingly at least a little intrigued by the odd human in front of him. You definitely understand that most people run the other way at the sight of this big, intimidating being. 
“You realize ‘all of it’ means you’ll be dead, right?”
You nod. “Do we have a deal?”
“Regardless of if I wanted to or not, I literally just… ate, so I physically can’t. Not for another week or so.”
You feel your shoulders drop slightly, and you blink, trying to improvise a plan.
“Okay, well… Do you want to meet here in a week, then?”
At that, he tilts his head. “You want to die here, in a dirty alleyway?”
“I don’t care. So yes or no?”
“If you want me to do this, give me something in return first, okay?”
You look at him in confusion. “You’re getting my blood?”
“Who's to say your blood is even good?”
Trying not to let his words discourage you, you look around, thinking. Maybe you should’ve played harder to get? At least in the sense of giving him a hunt? You don’t want to waste any time, but he might not be your best option. 
“Fine, do you know if there are other vampires around here? How do I find them?”
It took you three weeks to even find this one, and maybe it was more luck than anything, so setting off on another search doesn’t sound too exciting. These creatures really do live in the shadows.
“No, listen. Whether your blood is delicious or not, it would certainly be helpful to have it. But…”
“But?”
“Let me stock up on it first. Meet me at my place and let me take some every week for two months and then I’ll take the rest.”
You look around again, unsure if you should just try to find someone else. Two months is not ideal; it’s too long, and you’re sure you could manage to find someone else in the meantime. 
The vampire senses your hesitation and takes a step closer.
“You want it to be quick, which means you’re scared of pain. People around here, my kind, tend to drag it out. Pain and fear equal adrenalin, which gives the blood a certain… flavor that some enjoy. Agree to my compromise, and I’ll make it quick and practically painless.”
He gives you the smallest of smiles, barely a hint of one, but it feels wicked and makes a cold shiver run down your spine. You know he’s not trustworthy, but he’s getting a lot out of the deal, and you have nothing to lose, really.
“Okay. What’s the address?”
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In the middle of the day a week later, you find yourself in front of a big two-story house. It’s nice, looks pretty expensive but… like a regular house? It’s painted white and definitely not blood-red or even black. Aligning more with your expectations is how the house is partially obscured from the road by huge, towering spruces and how it seems to lie just a little bit further from the neighboring houses. There’s a thin layer of snow on the ground now, but you’re not sure whether it’ll stick.
After confirming that no, there is no door bell, you lift your fist to knock on the door. Vampires have crazy good hearing anyway, right? You’d assume so, given the fact that they’re always portrayed as super fast, super strong, super… attractive, and with super hearing, super vision, just… super all around. The mythical creatures don’t officially exist to the world, but in your little town, everyone knows they do. And they do. You found one. So if they drink blood and are super attractive—at least this one—it’s not too weird to assume there’s more truth to their pop-culture portrayal. 
You can see how the town’s vampire believers and enthusiasts shake their heads in disappointment at your relative indifference, but truth be told, you’d probably be more curious about the vampire whose home you’re about to step into if the situation was different. Or maybe you’d have some self-preservation and run the other way?
The door opens almost soundlessly, and when you look up, you meet those black, bottomless eyes. It really is his color, you think, your gaze drawn to the short-sleeve, black button-down he’s wearing, the top three buttons or so left undone. With it, he’s wearing black pants on the looser side. He looks incredibly handsome, and very effortlessly so. His hair is shiny and looks soft, and like it naturally falls into that slight side-part.
“Are you gonna come in or just stand there and ogle me?” He isn’t smiling teasingly; he just looks at you, unimpressed.
“Sorry.” 
He turns to retreat back into the house, and you’re left to enter through the open door. There are no lights on inside, and when you close the door behind you, cutting off a majority of the daylight, you start to feel like you’re truly inside a vampire’s home. Still, it’s light enough for you to follow said vampire’s back after hastily removing your coat and folding it to leave over the boots you step out of. Since you assumed he needs access to the veins in your arms, you picked out a gray t-shirt and a black zip-up hoodie that’s a little too big on you, paired with jeans. Nothing fancy—you’re not there to impress him.
With quickened steps, you catch up to him as he wordlessly leads the way into his kitchen, a place you doubt he uses much. Vampires don’t actually eat, do they? Either way, the room is clean and feels almost... sterile, despite the walnut cupboards and dark gray countertops.
On the short end of a wide, matching walnut dining table, a bunch of supplies are laid out. He gestures to one of the two chairs positioned around the corner of the table, but as you sit down, he turns to leave.
“Uhm, I don’t know how to do this,” you admit, pulling the zipper of your hoodie down and slipping one arm out. “I mean, I’m sure it can’t be that complicated in… theory, but I don’t think I can do it on myself.”
“I’m just gonna wash my hands,” he explains, and there seems to be a very slight trace of emotion in his voice and on his face that you interpret as amusement. He thinks you're dumb.
Oh. Well… does it really matter if his hands are squeaky clean or not?
Water hits the sink with a familiar sound as you focus on the table, inspecting the supplies. There’s a needle with a tube attached to it, a tourniquet, some syringes, antiseptic wipes, and a few empty blood bags. A voice in your head wonders if maybe he changed his mind and will simply take everything at this moment because those bags look pretty big, and you’re not sure you can fill them and still walk out of this place. 
The water stops, and you sit pretty and wait until he positions the other chair in front of you, a little to the side. You’ve never been a fan of needles or having your blood drawn, so you focus your eyes the other way, to a specific part of his kitchen window and the overcast outside. You hear the sound of paper and plastic ripping, and you feel his cold fingers place and tighten the tourniquet around your upper arm and feel for your veins before he wipes the area clean.
“Scared of needles?” he teases arrogantly, and you see how he reaches for the sharp object on the table.
“Bodily reaction. I can’t help it,” you explain before holding your breath and waiting for the poke.
It comes soon after; an uncomfortable but not too painful prick. With one hand, he moves some things around on the table, and you try to keep as still as possible, loathing the feeling of a needle jolting around in your vein.
“You’re not curious as to why I know how to do this stuff? Or worried that I don’t?” he wonders, releasing the tourniquet and seemingly fastening the needle to your skin with some tape.
“No. I guess it doesn’t surprise me; blood and vampires seem to go hand in hand.”
He surprises you by letting out a quiet chuckle before placing a red stress ball in your hand. “Squeeze this. I’ll be back to change the bag in a few minutes.”
Nodding, you watch him rise from his chair and leave the room.
Left to your own devices and with the filling blood bag taped to the chair’s armrest by its thin tube, you close your eyes. 
The house is entirely silent, and you have no idea where the vampire went. After he moved the stuff around on the table, you were able to count exactly three blood bags with a printed 450 ml on them. That adds up to somewhere between one and one and half liters and around 30% of your blood volume if you’ve calculated correctly. According to your brief research, a human doesn’t typically survive losing more than 40% of their blood unless given emergency medical attention. You probably won’t feel too great after today, but you most likely won’t die. You think.
Slowly, the minutes start to tick by, but you feel okay so far. You’ve got a good rhythm going for the stress ball, squeezing, holding, releasing. Squeezing, holding, releasing. The silence has your mind wandering.
“You can stop for a bit.”
The vampire’s sudden voice has your eyes flying open. He hadn’t made a single sound, returning to the kitchen. Catching your breath, you nod, keeping the ball still in your hand. You don’t look at the needle in your arm, but you see the bag full of dark red that the vampire sits down and trades for an empty one, attaching the tubes before he fastens them in the same way to the armrest. 
When he’s done, he lifts his hand, and you spot one of his fingertips covered in red. For a split second, he observes it, and then he puts the finger to his tongue. At first, it’s weird to see, and you almost want to tell him that it’s not hygienic to taste other people’s blood. That is before you remember that other people’s blood is what sustains him.
He looks to be assessing something, and suddenly, you’re worried he might not like it.
“B positive," he focuses on you, but you give him a slight, confused shrug because you have no idea what blood type you are or what it means in this context. 
“Is that… okay?”
“It’s… meh. Not the most common but also not the rarest. Most of my kind prefer A or even AB, though.”
“Oh."
Of course, your blood is substandard. You nod toward the filled bag on the table. “Will you have any use for this then?”
Truly, it would be just your luck to not even have the scary creatures, who roam the night in search of victims to drain, want your blood.
“Yeah. Doesn’t matter. I can always use it as a backup if I don’t get the chance to feed in time. Squeeze.”
Per his order, you resume squeezing. The rest of the process goes relatively smoothly, although you’ve started feeling a lot… weaker by the time the second bag is full and the vampire is about to switch it for the third. 
There’s a lot about blood and the human body that you don’t know, and you’re silently wondering what the recovery rate is and if you can really give him this much every week. Does he plan on taking less next time or has he not taken it into consideration?
“Why do you want to die?”
You blink at his bluntness, looking at his uncaring face. He obviously doesn’t care to hear the longer story, and you don’t care to tell it, so you settle for a shorter, more condensed version.
“There’s something wrong with me. I don’t belong here.”
“Didn’t taste like it.”
“Maybe not physically.”
He doesn’t dig further, but when your blood starts trickling into the third bag, the vampire stays seated. You still close your eyes, afraid that you’ll stare at his face otherwise, and he didn’t particularly seem to like that. 
You’re not sure if it’s just the blood loss or a combination of having slept poorly for the last few weeks and being in a calm, silent environment, but you’re feeling tired. Really tired. And cold. 
“Squeeze harder,” his voice instructs, void of emotion. You do your best to follow his instructions, squeezing the ball tighter even though it’s getting difficult.
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“We’re done.”
You open your eyes, finding the vampire much closer than before and his fingers swiftly removing the needle from your arm.
“Okay, so… uh…” you start, finding it hard to choose words or even think of what you want to convey in the first place. “Do I come back… same time… next week?” 
“No. Make it two weeks.”
You look at him, confusion written across your features, but it’s hard to focus your eyes on his face. It’s blurry, and there are dark spots infiltrating your vision.
“I took as much as I could, and while you won’t have time to replenish everything in two weeks either, I’ll at least get more out of you than in just one week.”
He smiles, and if you had the energy and maybe (mostly) the common sense, you’d be scared by the way he truly looks so wicked. 
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
The vampire takes the stress ball from you and rises from the chair with the used supplies in his hands. You grip the armrests best you can, but your right hand slips, and you stumble a little, trying to stand. It’s so incredibly cold, and you feel dizzy, nauseous, and weak, putting your hoodie back on properly.
Very quietly, you hear him move around the kitchen, and while he hasn’t explicitly told you to leave, you’re very much assuming he wants nothing else. So on unsteady legs, you make your way back to the front door, where you grab your coat to haphazardly put it on, and you step into your boots, unable to bend down to tie them properly.
You’re able to make it to your old but trustworthy car that you parked on the street, but when you sit down in the driver’s seat and close the door behind you, you realize that you definitely can’t drive as it’s proving more and more difficult to even keep your eyes open. You can’t walk home, you have no one to come pick you up, and even if there probably is a bus stop somewhere around here, you don’t think you’d make it there. 
So with your last burst of energy, you pull the lever under the seat to push it back a little, leaving your boots on the floor as you bring your feet and knees up. Your coat finds a new purpose as a makeshift blanket, and you cover as much of your body as you can with it. Fully knowing that as you close your eyes, you might never open them again, you don’t care that much. Dying is what you want, anyway.
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Surprisingly, you do open your eyes again. It’s dark when you do, and it’s so, so cold. Your heart is beating hard as it tries to circulate blood that just isn’t there anymore, and it’s with a low groan that you move, trying to reach for the phone in the pocket of your coat.
It’s seven p.m.. You met with the vampire at two p.m., and the visit took less than an hour, which means that you got into your car at maybe a bit before three, and so you’ve been passed out for four hours. It takes you a while to come to properly, and even when you do, you feel weak, groggy, and stiff. Ideally, you shouldn’t drive, but you have no other means of getting home, so you decide on a route consisting of smaller roads with lower speed limits and less traffic.
It’s no wonder you feel like you’re on death’s doorstep because when you do some further Googling on blood donation and blood volumes at home, you calculate exactly how much someone of your size would have. And you find that the vampire took 38% of that.
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Three weeks later, you’re knocking on his door again. He opens it, an eyebrow raised and looking even more unimpressed than last time. 
“I’m sorry I didn’t show last week, but I was sick,” you inform, hoping he’ll accept your apology. “Didn’t think you would’ve wanted to see… that.”
“You’re right.”
That’s all he says before he turns, leaving the door open for you just like last time. Well, you take that as a sign that you’re forgiven, and so you follow him inside. 
Trying to keep up with him, you’re feeling even smaller and weaker around the tall vampire than before, and truth be told, you are. Because according to those Google searches, while it takes the body only approximately 24-48 hours to replace the blood plasma, it takes four to six weeks to replenish the red blood cells and recover fully. And that’s from having one bag of 450ml donated; you left three and it’s only been three weeks since. Essentially, the vampire is taking your blood a lot faster than you can produce it.
Like last time, you sit down on the same chair in his kitchen, but since he wasn’t expecting you, he has to retrieve the supplies from elsewhere. You remain quiet while he organizes everything, stealing a few glances at him in the meantime. This time, he’s wearing a black t-shirt and black shorts, and you’re amazed at just how… ordinary he looks. In the best way possible, of course. 
Without being too tight, the shirt does a very good job at showing off his physique: it hangs wonderfully off his shoulders and dips slightly between his pecs. It exposes the prominent veins stretching across both his arms and hands, and you wonder if vampires also ‘live’ in the way that he has a heart that pumps blood around his body. Or if he’s really ‘dead’ or ‘undead’ like some media describe them?
“What?” he questions, having caught you staring.
“You look very human,” you say quietly. “Like a college guy.”
An athletic college guy. The one who’s just a little too handsome to be exact.
The trace of amusement that flashes across his face is so faint that you’re not sure you didn’t simply imagine it. He doesn’t respond to your observation, only sitting down and reaching for your arm. His large hands feel a little warmer against your skin than you remember them doing last time, and you turn your head when he prepares the needle. There’s a pinch and then the immediate relief when he loosens the tourniquet.
“Here,” the red stress ball is placed into your hand again. Looking down briefly, you watch your own hand squeeze it, but the red fluid flowing through the transparent tube is too off-putting, and so you close your eyes again.
A minute or so passes while you keep squeezing the ball to some sort of rhythm tied to your breaths. It won’t be long. Soon, everything will be over. 
Somewhere, you lose track of time, and to regain some sense of reality, you flutter your eyelids open. Only to see the vampire stare coldly at you. You freeze.
“I thought you left,” you admit, the surprise clear in your voice.
“I’m keeping an eye on you,” he explains, face still stoic.
You look at him dumbly. “No offense, but why? The point is to kill me, anyway?”
“No, it’s to take as much as possible,” he corrects you. “To a reasonable extent. And then kill you. Here, let me change the bag.”
You close your eyes once more as he switches the full bag to a new, empty one. The dizziness comes a lot quicker than it did three weeks ago, but then again, you’ve been feeling more or less weak and faint ever since that first donation.
“Okay, we’re done.”
You look at him, surprised. “Already? But you didn’t even fill the second bag fully?”
“I took too much last time, and like I said, I want to get as much out of you as possible.”
For the first time, you think you see a hint of a discreet fang when he gives you a blood-chilling smile.
The process of removing everything is quick, and before you know it, you’re putting your feet into your boots again. You feel faint, like your knees might buckle under you any second, but you don’t feel weak to the point of passing out for hours in your car; you do that when you’re home in bed instead.
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Suffering from what you gather is immense anemia, you don’t have the energy to really do anything between your visits to the vampire besides lie on the couch and watch TV. You quit your retail job the Monday after finding him in that alleyway, confident (and correctly so) that you wouldn’t be able to handle really any job at all. 
Even rotting away on the couch with your eyes glued to the screen, you can barely understand what the shows are about. Your brain struggles to place the people and remember the plot lines, and you find yourself almost daydreaming instead. Though it’s mostly just flashing images of the vampire whose name you still don’t know.
If your heart wasn’t already so strained, it would beat harder for him in some kind of fear-filled attraction. He’s absolutely gorgeous—and there’s definitely something almost drawing you to him—but he’s also so, so intimidating. If the end goal wasn’t to die, you’d for sure be running for the hills and looking over your shoulder late at night.
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Next time, there’s a slight smile pulling on the vampire’s lips when he opens the door.
“Still alive?”
You chuckle quietly, looking down at your boots. “Unfortunately.”
Taking off your coat reveals another simple outfit with no other purpose than granting the vampire access to your arms while keeping your freezing body warm. This time, it’s a thick, brown cardigan over a t-shirt, paired with somewhat baggy jeans.
The contrast between your clothes is almost funny. Even indoors, you’d be freezing in the half-open thin, white dress shirt he wears messily tucked into black, also thin-looking slacks. The gap in his shirt makes you want to reach out and touch his pale chest, but of course, you keep your hands to yourself.
Once again, you follow him inside, and while you don’t need him to, he guides you to the same spot in his kitchen where the stuff is all laid out. 
Sitting down, you slip your arm out of the cardigan and place it on the armrest. The vampire washes his hands and then comes to sit down in front of you, reaching for the tourniquet to position it around your bicep. With the elastic band tightened, he rips open an antiseptic wipe to clean the inside of your elbow, and then, he prepares the needle like always. 
You look away, holding your breath until the pinch comes and for a few seconds after. 
“The whole thing about vampires losing control around blood… I take it that’s just storytelling?”
“Depends,” he answers, and despite not looking at him, you just know he’s got one eyebrow raised and a hint of a cocky smile on his lips. “If we’re hungry and someone happens to bleed around us, yeah, it can be more… tempting. Also depends on what sort of blood we prefer.”
“And you don’t like mine,” you state, your foggy brain concluding it the reason he seems to not care about the vulnerable blood right in front of him.
He laughs this time, a really nice sound that has your strained heart almost skipping an important beat. “I changed my weekly feeding to Thursdays, so I’m still quite full. And your blood isn’t vile, it’s just not what I personally go crazy for.”
“Oh,” you let out, looking at him before something dawns on you. “Wait. You eat once a week only? How much do you eat then? Or… drink?”
He nods toward the bag he just secured to your arm. “Someone of my size typically only needs about two of these a week to survive and not maniacally hunt and kill, but to really thrive? Between two and three liters, so four to six bags. I usually go hunting Friday or Saturday night when most bars and pubs are full. It’s surprisingly easy to find a few drunks stumbling around who won’t even realize what happened the day after.”
“So you don’t… kill?”
“Not if we can help it. There’s been… an increase in vampires around here, and if people drop dead? No, it’s less suspicious and only a little more work to find a few victims instead of draining one dry.”
“Makes sense.”
“Mhm. I typically don’t have to beg women to come with me, either.”
Something ice cold travels through your body at that last sentence. You wonder whose blood was on his lips that night when you found him.
“I can’t believe you’re telling me this, though? You seem like you’d tell me to mind my own business.”
Even more, you can’t believe you asked.
He smiles. “I don’t know. Like I said, people will occasionally find out what I am, find me fascinating, and ask a thousand questions. I’ve always thought it to be incredibly annoying, and I’m not really supposed to tell them anything even if I wanted to—which I don’t—but it’s been… odd, not being questioned by you. At all. Almost boring, like I’m not interesting to you.”
His answer surprises you, and for a moment, you imagine teenage you, not bubbly per se but at least a bit more naive than the current version. Would she be the type to annoy him? You don’t think so. 
“Objectively, you are interesting, but I can’t believe how brave people are? If things were different, I wouldn’t have gone out looking for a vampire in the first place. And if I somehow stumbled upon you, I would’ve run the other way because you’d terrify me.”
Slowly, he smirks at your honesty. 
“I scare you?” 
You’d be lying if you claimed the cold, calculating aura around him didn’t.
You’re not sure if he has any super powers like in the movies, but honestly, he wouldn’t need to be able to lift a bus to kill you. The scariest thing about him isn’t how he could end your life in a hundred different ways either way, it’s how he could drag it out and extend your suffering before doing so. Of course, your body and instincts find him scary, but in a way, your mind… doesn’t? Then again, you’re here because your mind wants him to kill you.
“I don’t know.”
“Hm,” is all he says, his eyes falling to the blood bag. “I have to change it. Hold on.”
“Okay,” you mumble, finding it hard to concentrate. Your heart beats so hard it hurts, but at the same time, your breathing is slowing down. Closing your eyes, you feel him move stuff around.
“How are you feeling?” he suddenly asks, but it doesn’t sound like he cares too much.
“Honestly? Terrible,” you admit, keeping your eyes closed. 
You keep still when you feel his hands on your arm, but then you hear a little… rip.
“Fuck.”
Curiously, you open your tired eyes, seeing the vampire hold the empty bag up to inspect it. 
“This was the last one I had. This brand is fucking terrible quality; how do you make blood bags so weak they rip?”
“You don’t have anything else to collect it in?”
He sighs defeatedly, “No, it needs to be in these kinds of bags so I can store and freeze it properly.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“I’ll have to stock up on them and maybe take more next time.”
You nod slowly and understandingly. That will probably be the last time, then.
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About a week and a half later, you find yourself on a bench downtown, your hands in the pockets of your coat to keep them warm. It’s Saturday, and on the other side of the street, a few people are standing in line to be let inside your town’s best version of a nightclub. You’re not certain what exactly brought you here, and you’re sure that if the happy, club-dressed people took the time to observe their surroundings, they’d notice you staring and look at you weirdly in turn.
“Hello?”
Registering the almost rude-sounding voice, you blink as you turn your head. It’s a guy. 
“Huh?”
His face looks skeptic, and he’s got his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He’s not wearing a jacket or coat of any kind over his white t-shirt, so you gather he’s in the middle of a night out. Probably left a bar for a smoke and spotted you.
“I asked you what your name is? Like three times?”
He’s good looking with black hair and dark eyes, but the tone of his voice is very unattractive, and you have no interest in him whatsoever, knowing he isn’t just looking to be your friend.
“Oh. Uh…”
You don’t say it. It’s not that you don’t remember your name or that you’re making a conscious effort to deny him the information, but it’s like your thoughts are at a standstill. 
“Beat it.”
You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. His lips didn’t move.
“And who are you?” he asks, irritation dripping from his words, and this time, his lips are moving. However, his eyes are not on you but on something behind you.
Just as you’re about to turn around, the man in front of you leaves. His steps are quick, his mission abandoned.
“What are you doing here?”
Of course. It clicks the moment the vampire comes into view, and you’re surprised you didn’t immediately recognize his deep voice. He’s wearing that same leather jacket and some black pants, an outfit still very much inappropriate for winter. Though, something about him feels… wilder, almost a little uncontained? You can’t put your finger on what exactly.
“Uh, people-watching,” you inform as he rounds the bench, sitting down next to you.
Because he’s beautiful like no other, you glance discreetly at his face. He’s so masculine, but in certain lights, you glimpse something softer. You particularly like his nose and its rounded tip. It gives him such an attractive profile, you think, gaze traveling over his features and lingering on his dark eyelashes.
“Why? Isn’t it cold as hell for you?”
“Uhm, I don’t know? And I guess?”
From looking straight ahead, he turns his head, redirecting his full attention to you. The light from the closest street lamp reflects in his dark eyes.
“Is there any truth to that whole ‘vampires are designed to lure humans in’ thing?”
He grins. “I lure you in?”
“You’re more intimidating than you are attractive, actually,” you admit earnestly, wincing a little on the inside at how it came out a bit like an insult. He’s definitely attractive, and maybe the fact that he is so attractive is part of why he’s also so intimidating. “I’m just wondering what you looked like before.”
“I’ve always looked like this,” he explains casually, once again peering out over the cold, dark street. “Vampirism doesn’t change anything besides, like, skin impurities and conditions. I would’ve shown you a picture, but there were no cameras around when I was human,” he smiles cheekily.
“Anyway, you should go home. It’s really cold and not really safe at this time either,” he encourages.
You nod, realizing that he wants to protect his backup supply. “Yeah.”
“Good. I’ll see you next week.”
“Mhm.”
You expect him to get up and leave, confused when five seconds pass and he hasn’t moved. The feeling seems to be mutual because he turns his head to look at you again.
“So, are you leaving or not?”
“I am.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
You look away, clearing your throat a bit awkwardly and realizing that you might just have to tell him, since he doesn’t seem to be leaving before you. “I don’t think I… can. I walked here, but I think I overestimated myself.”
The vampire looks you over briefly, probably just to be sure, but you both know that your main health concerns aren’t visible. 
“Where do you live?”
“Oh, not that far. Like less than a ten minute walk, but I…”
“What’s your address?”
“124 Conch Street.”
“Stand up.”
“What?”
“Stand up.”
Puzzled, you follow his instructions and slowly rise to your feet. Though you’ve been sitting stranded on the bench for almost two hours, the dizziness returns the moment you stand.
But the vampire isn’t satisfied. “Get up on the bench and undo your coat up to your waist.”
This time, you give him a skeptic look.
“Just do as I say,” he holds his hand out for you.
Slowly and still confused, you take it, and with his aid, you step up onto the bench.
To your surprise, he lets go, and before you know it, he’s unzipped your coat from the bottom up to your waist, positioned himself in front of you, and grabbed your thighs. Instinctively, you place your arms around his neck as he hoists you onto his back and starts walking.
“What are you doing?” you breathe quietly.
“Taking you home in an inconspicuous way. It looks like we’re a couple, does it not?”
“Definitely an odd and unexpected couple if so, but I guess?”
“You’re a pretty girl, you know?”
Your lungs hold your breath for an extra second before slowly releasing it, and then you hum, but it’s only to actually provide him with an answer. You definitely don’t think you’re anywhere near pretty enough for someone like him. He doesn’t call you out on your vague answer.
You’re not the most common sight, couple or not, and people still watch you as you pass them. Unsure as to how to meet their curious gazes, you don’t; turning your head forward instead. When you’re so close, you inevitably catch his scent, only to find that he doesn’t smell like a whole lot. There are traces of soap, laundry detergent, and maybe a hint of cologne, but not much else. No lingering smell of sweat or anything like that.
He walks you through the city and past the alleyway where you first found him. It’s quiet, except for the muted sound of his footsteps as well as those of a man a bit ahead, evidently hurrying to get home and away from the cold.
“Are there more vampires here?” you wonder, looking around the silent street and thinking it might not be as empty as it seems. 
“Yes,” he confirms casually.
It has your brain working, and the surroundings reminding you of why you’re with him in the first place.
“How are you going to kill me?”
If he’s caught off guard by your straightforward question, he does a good job of not showing it. 
“I don’t know.”
“Okay. But I’d rather not bleed out,” you say, body aching at the mere thought. Although you’re certain there are much worse ways to go, you really don’t like the feeling of severe blood loss.
“It’s the easiest way though,” he explains. “It’s not as easy to drain a body without a heartbeat to move the blood around.”
“Are you familiar with livestock?” you ask, thinking back to what your three-year-older cousin once told you as you biked past a field of cows one summer when you were ten. “You can kill the animal and then ‘deblood’ them by hanging the body upside down and cutting their throat. The blood will drain easily. Do you have a bathtub?”
“You’re… a person though, still,” he says, and though he doesn’t falter in his steps, you can tell your words don’t sit quite right with him. “There’s no dignity in an ending like that. And don’t you care what happens to your body?”
To say you’re surprised is an understatement. You thought vampires were all bloodthirsty monsters, only biding their time until they can rip someone new apart. The messier, the better. The vampire, who’s carrying you on his back, made no effort to appear nice either. At least not at first. Now, you don’t even know.
You shrug slightly. You’re not a spiritual person, and you’ve never believed in something like an afterlife. “It’s just meat and bones. I won’t be here anymore, and no one’s going to be looking for me, anyway. There’s no use in keeping things ‘pretty.’”
He doesn’t say anything in turn, and you wonder how much about you he knows. How much about your life he realizes.
The vampire’s smooth movement lulls you further into relaxation, and you lean your head partly against your own arm, partly against him. He doesn’t say anything.
Way sooner than if you would’ve walked with your own two legs—if you would’ve made it home at all—he puts you down in front of your apartment complex. You search your pockets, locating your keys in the left one. 
“Going home now? Since you can’t enter without permission,” you joke tiredly, unlocking the front entrance with the key fob. 
The vampire raises his eyebrows. “I might as well make sure you don’t somehow trip and spill all my blood on the way to your apartment,” he smirks, grabbing the door and opening it wide without breaking eye contact. “And you shouldn’t believe everything you see or read.”
The smile he’s wearing as he makes a show out of stepping inside the building is another chilling one. You can’t say that you expected him to hit an invisible wall or anything, but for some reason, it would’ve almost felt… nice if that were the case. Considering your situation, you’re not sure why. 
The elevator is empty and waiting for you, and after getting inside, you press the button for floor two, the vampire coming to stand beside you.
“Is there anything that is true regarding vampires?” you ask quietly as if someone would hear you inside the elevator.
“Besides the fact that we drink blood?”
“Yeah. Are you like, immortal and stuff? Super old?”
He chuckles. “Kinda. I don’t think anything’s truly immortal, but we do have a longer life span, yes.”
“What about senses? Can you hear my heart beat right now?”
“Yes. It sounds like it’s about to burst through your chest.”
Yeah, because it’s strained to hell and back, trying to keep you alive even in the condition you’re in.
“And super speed, super strength and all that?”
“Mhm, although we’re not so fast we go blurry. Are you impressed?”
“I don’t know? What do you use it for? I can’t think of even one thing having those powers would improve in my life.”
“Tough crowd,” he chuckles, avoiding your question as he follows you out of the elevator. 
You understand that being physically superior is helpful when you’re a literal predator, and yeah, maybe being able to walk a tiny bit faster to work every morning would’ve saved you some time, but what else? Oh, yeah, one time, you had to throw away a jar of pickles because you simply could not get it open. Being stronger would’ve definitely helped you then. 
Reaching your door, you’re quick to unlock it and pull it open to head inside, ignoring the two envelopes lying on the floor in your hallway. The vampire stays at the door, watching as you start to remove your coat two or so steps away from him.
“Are those… bruises?”
Turning your head as you make your way to the wardrobe to put the coat away, you see the vampire looking almost worried. You look down at the skin on your arms. 
“Yeah.”
“Let me look at them,” he urges, holding his hand out.
“Why? They come with anemia; why does it matter?”
“Still, I want to see. Come over here.”
Despite looking oddly insistent, he makes no effort to actually enter your apartment.
Your eyes widen as you look at him. “You really can’t come inside without an invitation, can you?”
He sighs exasperatedly. “Technically, no, I can’t step inside unless you give me permission.”
It makes you laugh a little in wonder. “Wow.”
He rolls his eyes, but you can tell it amuses him a little too.
“Listen, I’ll be fine until we meet again and if the bruises are still there, you can look at them then. I kinda don’t actually want to invite you in, is that rude of me?”
“No, it’s not. Very reasonable, actually.”
“Okay, then I’ll see you Friday?”
He nods politely and steps back. “See you.”
You watch him leave, his footsteps sounding through the hall as you bend down to pick up the envelopes you’ve been ignoring for days. They’re probably bills, and you’ll be dead soon, so who really cares if you pay them or not?
Mindlessly, you approach the door to close it, your focus on the white paper in your hands. You put your finger under the fold to rip the first envelope open, wincing when the paper cuts through your skin instead.
Holding your finger up, you inspect the damage and the little bead of red that’s forming next to the invisible cut. You look at it, furrowing your eyebrows at how you feel like something’s… missing? A moment later, you realize what it is, and your body freezes. 
The footsteps have stopped.
It dawns on you, as you look at the blood, what the vampire was actually doing tonight and why he looked wilder than usual. Early Saturday night, lurking around the clubs until he found you and had to abandon his plans. 
He was hunting.
Your eyes widen and your heart stops as you hear it. One footstep. Then another. And another. They’re speeding up, and soon enough running toward you.
Before you’ve had a chance to shut the door, it flies wide open. Panicked, you move farther into the apartment, but you fall backward and by pure instinct, crawl back as quickly as you can.
Despite claiming that he couldn’t enter without your permission, the vampire falls to his knees, then all fours, to reach you. You’ve never seen anything as scary as the bloodthirsty creature grasping the air, trying to get you. He moves so quickly, and his hand is just about to grab your foot when it’s like… he’s held back by something. 
You're breathing heavily, trying to understand what’s happening. Why doesn’t he just move another three centimeters? He licks his lips in frustration, exposing fangs that are definitely longer than you remember. Meeting his eyes, they’re cold like never before, and he exhales angrily. He’s still reaching for you, and frozen in your spot, you look over at him, briefly wondering if his feet got stuck or something when it hits you.
He can’t step inside.
You sit there, your feet mere centimeters from his grasping hand when there’s a sound down the hall, and in a split second, the vampire seems to snap out of it. He looks at you, appearing to realize what he’s doing and somehow gaining control over himself. Looking around, he gets up, and he leaves. Quickly and without a word.
Wide-eyed and with your heart beating painfully, you remain on the floor, wondering what the hell just happened. Even when his footsteps are long gone, you’re too afraid to get up and close the door, worried that he’ll return and be able to reach you. 
You’d like a very serious word with whoever established the ‘no entering without permission’ rule but also decided that the vampires could cheat it by keeping their feet outside and crawling inside.
You sleep a little uneasy the following nights, thinking a lot. Of course, your thoughts are mostly occupied by those cold, black eyes, thirsty for your blood.
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<previous | next> happy halloween <3<3
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deandraxon · 24 days ago
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I honestly cannot believe the weird MAGA fuckers are freaking the fuck out over a squirrel on twitter.
Calling it a “major government overstep” is so fucking funny to me because they’re making it sound like the feds busted into this guys house and killed his squirrel for no reason. And not that the state police just took it and euthanized it humanely.
Like, guys, the squirrel fucking bit someone. They had to euthanize it to test it for fucking rabies. Because it bit someone.
It’s also illegal to own a squirrel, or even handle one if you don’t have a wildlife rehabilitation license!
But if course they’re not going to bring up the fact that the guy was also abusing the squirrel. It was obese and there was no way to safely release it into the wild. It was also missing part of it’s tail because the genius who thought it was a great idea to illegally own a squirrel didn’t call the wildlife rehabbers when he fucking should have.
Using this to try and help the annoying orange’s campaign is such a desperate grab at anything to make the “other side” look bad, because it is so fucking obvious they didn’t do any sort if research into the situation.
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