#someone please laugh

[feralgoblinqueen]

Things I’ve heard and said as a bartender in a sketchy dive bar. I’ve just collected them all here and made them about CoD men at my bar. Y/N is the bartender unless stated otherwise. Brought to you from my shower turned sauna as I try to decongest my sinuses. Pollen season is 100% trying to kill me this year. Please laugh at my dumb idea.

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* referring to seeing Graves again*

Price: You make me want to suck start a shotgun.

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Soap: Check me out. *pulls out wallet*

Y/N: Stand up and turn around real quick, please.

Soap: *confused but stands and spins in a circle slowly*

Y/N: *whistles* You look spectacular!

Soap: 🤭 I mean I’d like to pay my tab, but that made my day.

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*141 drunk and harmlessly flirting*

Gaz: Did you get all dolled up me?

Soap: I bet she knew I was coming, you know blue is my favorite color.

Price: She didn’t get dressed up for you muppets! But we do appreciate how you look tonight!

Ghost: *Corralling the two drunkest* You do look very nice, let us know if you want us to get them to stop.

Y/N: Appreciation is best shown as money in the tip jar. *obviously joking but also not really because it was a slow night*

*Ghost and Price laugh, dropping a couple dollars in*

*Gaz and Soap, dead serious begin dumping the contents of their wallets*

Y/N: Guys! It’s a joke! I don’t need your credit cards or this ancient condom… seriously though please throw that away you might get someone pregnant trying to use that. *that packaging showed obvious signs of ware from how long it had sat in his wallet*

Soap: I could get you pregnant with that 😏

Price: Annnnd we’re done! Sorry about Romeo 😬

Ghost: *Grabs Soap’s wallet and drops a $20 in the tip jar* He’s very sorry.

[armless-sock]

Hajime

[tolietpaperdreams]

‘Hartbreak’ is such a clever ship name bc if I came up with that shit I would've just called it ‘Shart’

[comfortablynumb]

Louis: *Trying to murder Daniel*

21 Year Old Daniel, High as a Kite:

[ryan-waddell11]

idk it feels like the same picture to me

[barrysheoghan]

Cunt Dracula

[katieemazz]

In my Ava Bekker era

[getting hit on by an old man named Cornelius]

[mushroomjar]

Arcadia Bay more like Arcadia Gay

[rebekahgaveup]

Y'ALL I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE PLAYED MARY'S SONG TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS

[clarablightt]

Luz: I’m gonna show my awesome girlfriend Amity to EVERYONE in Bonesborough wearing a salmon suit!

Amity: You’re gonna be wearing a salmon suit?

Luz: That’s a good one, batata!

[dumbbotposting]

please mr pukicho sir please please i promise i'll be good

If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise 

[werewolfsister]

Nothing like finding a body in the trunk of your cherry red sports car after a hard day at work!

[obsessedwithstarwars]

Jazz takes care of a de-aged Danny, and they lay low in Gotham. But just because Danny’s body is younger doesn’t mean his powers have lessened. In fact, they’ve only grown harder to control. Having the energy of a child makes containing his powers harder (just like when he first got them) until they realize that Danny’s powers are much easier to control when he can get rid of some of his excess energy. Jazz hears about a free gym open to all that is also meta-proof (more durable) from a wonderful woman at the library. (Lookin at you Babs)

The gym has a gigantic kids play area, along with classes for all ages and a training area complete with an American Gladiator style obstacle course for adults. Jazz will use the obstacle course sometimes when her boss has fully ticked her off. Stephanie and Cass volunteer there whenever they can. Jason always sends the alley kids there too because it’s close by and a safe place. Dick leads a class there whenever he can.

Dick actually holds the record for the obstacle course. Until Jazz gives it a go after a particularly trying day. She doesn’t realize there’s a record. She never would have used the course if she’d known. Training with Pandora and Fright Knight gave her plenty of advantages with how she can use her liminality and she definitely doesn’t need to stand out.

But again, she doesn’t know there’s a record. Or that someone saw her going repeatedly through the course (Stephanie) and decided to time her on her next go. (She doesn’t film without permission because she’s respectful of boundaries like that) She does post Jazz’s time in the Batfam group chat to take Dick down a couple notches though.

Or someone else (not Batfam, just a random citizen) takes a video of her doing the course and posts it on the internet and now they (Jazz and Danny) have to stay one step ahead of Vlad, the Batfam, their parents, and avoid the GIW. How hard can it be?

[mrslucygraysnow]

don't wanna fix him, just wanna put him on a leash 📿🌹

tbosas + tumblr posts

[lemon-bread-slice]

This came to me in a vision

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 1 - Ratiorine Messages Edition

[Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]