#someone is very very very slow on the uptake

[esther-lu-writes]

A Mile Past Glade Hollow

Journal Excerpt~ 1.7k words

TW: Discussion of struggles with anxiety and dissociation

Late Feb, 2025

My therapist is losing patience with me. He wanted to know if I’ve been adhering to his journal prompts (no) and if I would be willing to share what I have been writing (also no). I’ve also refused to discuss the underlying feelings around my resistance to share or cooperate. He believes my fear of “letting someone in” is mirrored by my so-called agoraphobia. I told him I leave the mill almost every day… he said walking alone in the woods doesn’t count, in terms of countering my social anxiety. 

Apparently it’s all connected- the anxiety, how I disassociate, my maladaptive daydreams. I’m sure that’s true. I just don’t have it in me to open up. I honestly thought moving back to Glade Hollow would help… getting out of the city, working from home at my own pace. It’s actually getting worse. I don’t want to tell anyone, but so-called easy things are getting harder. For example, I’m having a hard time leaving to go to the store. There’s enough to eat but I don’t have anything that’s fresh. I’ll get ready to go but then I get stuck in my mind. I start pacing, daydreams filtering in and out. Before I know it, an hour’s passed… then it’s dark… then it’s too late.

The shrink insists using his journal prompts will help. Okay… here’s a prompt. "Recall a recent situation when you felt overwhelmed by anxiety. What thoughts and emotions accompanied that feeling?"

I’m feeling anxious about buying fucking groceries! It’s ridiculous and it makes me feel pathetic! I have enough money, the store is right down the road… but guess what? I don’t like to drive anymore! Do I know how to? Yup! Can’t stand the idea of going out to the jeep and cranking it up. The battery might even be dead. It makes me angry. It means I’m eating jerky and canned beans for dinner… and probably breakfast too.

These prompts don’t help. They just make me upset. If I get too worked up, I’ll disassociate. Then I start to lose time… then I can’t remember what I’m doing. What helps? I know what helps. And no, I don’t like talking about it with people. I should probably try to talk about it. I know I need to find a way to open up. I don’t want to start all over again with another therapist, but I’m pretty sure this guy is going to drop me. I don’t blame him… I’ve been a complete ass to him. 

On a more positive note, Shay and Ravi are coming home tomorrow! This is excellent news. It’s definitely the kick in the pants I need to go shopping. I can’t let them see me going on like this, especially Shay. If he gets wind that I’m regressing, he’s liable to go into full-blown nurse mode. I love him to pieces but he’s nothing short of a mother hen when it comes to my mental health. I have no idea what I’m going to say to Ravi. I know he gets updates from my therapist. I’m sure I’ll have a lecture coming. But that’s about a thousand times easier dealing with than what Shay will put me through. 

It was clear I needed support after the “incident.” I still don’t have any memory of what happened. I had been camped out at a writing retreat outside of Montreal. I remember feeling stressed out. This was before I had any official diagnosis but I was cognizant of my anxiety and starting to realize how intersected with my depression. And yeah, then something inside me just cracked… lights out. Somebody realized I was missing. There was a search party and I was found about 2 and half days later in the woods. It took me a while to come back from my dissociative state. Thankfully, the hospital was willing to release me into Ravi’s care. It’s not the first time I was thankful one of my dearest friends was a doctor.

Shay immediately insisted I move in with them until I got better. Somehow, I was allowed the autonomy to refuse. I just can’t relax in other people’s homes. That meant Shay moved in with me for no less than 12 weeks. Practically 3 months of regimented eating and exercise, being bussed to appointments, insisting I carry a cell phone at all times, accompanying me on all of my walks. I know I needed it. I had reached a point where I couldn’t care for myself. But my god, the fussing! 

Naturally, I resisted all of it. Shay is a sweetheart and overly patient with my bad moods. But even he had his limits. Thanks to our 30 year friendship, he knew exactly how to put me in my place. Usually that meant trapping me on the couch and showering me with playful tickles. Shay would encourage me to lighten up, knowing the sensations freed me from my mind, bringing me back to the present. Though I’m loath to admit it, it worked like a charm. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the best state of mind and there would be times when I pushed him too far. My age-old stubborn streak, the unwillingness to entertain sound advice, the determination to create distance between myself and everyone else. I know I can be impossible. I suppose I should feel lucky that my closest friend is even more stubborn than me. However, I didn’t feel particularly lucky when I would inevitably cross the line. No, that would be fear that flooded my brain. 

At that point, no amount of bargaining would stave off his bear hug, pulling me into his broad chest. Pretty much everyone has the size advantage on me, including my husky friend. Despite my poor behavior, his voice was overly kind. “I’m sure you didn’t mean to say those hurtful things, did you?” 

Of course I didn’t. I was being reactive. I’m not used to sharing my space. I can’t stand all the extra attention. I don’t want to be cooked for and cared for. It makes me uncomfortable… I don’t like it!

“Really?” His Irish accent intimating that his care and attention were non-negotiable. “Well, let’s try to make you more comfortable then.”

I would be pulled into his lap, a brawny arm easily pinning both of mine behind my back. This was usually when I would regain my senses, highly motivated by self-preservation. It was way too late to backpedal. 

“Why do you sound so nervous? We’re just having a little conversation.” His free hand would start stroking my bare tricep, softly, slowly. His fingers would lazily dangle under my arm and gently flex against my skin. 

The tenderness was nothing short of criminal. When he wants to, Shay can make his touch excruciatingly soft, knowing full well what that does to me. Up and down, fingers gently spidering under my trapped arm, the threat that we had only just begun looming overhead. 

“You’re sorry? Don’t be… you were just being honest. It’s okay if you don’t want me to cook for you. We can just sit here and relax.” 

His hand pulled my tank up just enough so my sides were exposed. Shay worked with his hands. He was a brilliant mechanic and a talented potter. Hands that looked like they could bend steel had the touch of a jeweler. Large calloused fingers slowly kneaded my flesh, administering the most delicate of pinches, drawing meandering shapes before heading back up towards my armpit. 

I dug my heels in, trying to twist out of his arms. Wrong move. His big hand started squeezing my thigh, resulting in shrieking that I’m embarrassed to call my own. I could practically hear the smile in his voice, “No more wriggling. Sit still so we can talk this through.”

Clearly, this was personal. He paused to switch out his arms with the intention to work over my other side. I took the opportunity to reason with him, barely suppressing a whimper. “L-listen… I’m sorry! I know I’ve been acting like a jerk. P-please, no more!”

“No more of what? Could you be more specific?” His free hand started a new assault on my fresh side, just as slowly as before. The strongest hands I know barely grazing the surface of my arms, large fingers practically feathering my armpit. 

It was unbearable. My stomach was fluttering so hard it felt like I was free-falling. I remember pleading as best I could between bursts of giggles. His touch was too soft to drive me into full blown hysterics. It was just slow enough to create unceasing anticipation, an agonizing feedback loop of what was happening and knowing where he was going next. I was stuck in a giddy frenzy, unable to sink into the oblivion of pure tickle hell, hyper aware of how sensitive I was and my incoherent babbling. My only hope was gaining his pity.

Unfortunately, Shay had been putting up with my nonsense for days. My pleas fell on deaf ears. “What are you going on about? What’s too soft? You can’t take it? I have no idea what you’re trying to say. If you refuse to make pleasant conversation, maybe you can help me decide what to make for dinner.”

His hand drifted to my ribs, fiddling with each one, collectively caressing them, massaging them, carefully wiggling every single one before starting again. There went my grasp on the English language. I couldn’t even understand myself anymore. It was somewhere between useless begging, desperate laughing, pathetic mouth sounds and trying to articulate the first food item that popped into my head.

Shay finally paused, “Oh, you want potatoes? I could probably whip up a shepherd's pie. How does that sound to you?”

I gulped in air. He finally let go of my arms and made me turn to face him. I was both embarrassed by how badly I treated my friend earlier and my thorough defeat. “Y-y-yes, please! I’m s-sorry for b-before.”

“Oh, were you acting poorly earlier? I’m not sure I even noticed.”

I stared at the ground, feeling quite unworthy of his relentless friendship. “Thanks for t-taking such good care of me. Um, c-can I help with the food?”

Shay’s hazel eyes twinkled. I could tell I was forgiven. He touched his forehead to mine, his auburn curls framing both our faces. “No, you just stay out of my way… unless you want to have another conversation.”

[birdofmay]

In that vein... (No, the following is not about autism or ADHD)

TL;DR: Using medical terms as insults or otherwise misusing medical terms (even as a joke) leads to uninformed people thinking they have to stop saying these words and creating new words. Either because they think the old term isn't precise enough anymore or because they incorrectly think that we're insulted by the old word.

The constant appearance of new words is confusing to people who struggle to learn new words. It excludes them from participating in discussions about their own condition.

We have to be more sensitive regarding possible repercussions and stop unnecessary discourse by uninformed people.

In Germany, the official word for my disability ID card category and the assessment is "Hirnschädigung", which literally translates to brain damage/damaged brain. And that's a neutral description, nothing outdated.

But many many people have been asking if someone has brain damage whenever they wanted to insult someone who is either slow on the uptake or who just made a very strange or silly suggestion, for example. They used it as an insult all the time, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not.

This is why now a lot of people ask "Uh, can we still say that in the 21st century? Shouldn't we change "brain damage" to something nicer? Isn't that word insulting?" when actually no, it isn't. (Of course you still shouldn't use that term if someone directly tells you they don't want to be called that)

It's the same with "disabled". People used and still use "disabled" and "dumb" synonymously in Germany. So now, well-meaning politicians and even advocates create all kinds of euphemisms because they think that disabled people will be offended by the word "disabled". Because some people use it as an insult.

When I say I'm disabled in German ("behindert"), people flinch. They think I just insulted myself. But no, "behindert" is a normal medical word, it's in the name of our disability ID card. Even more, the literal translation is "severely disabled person's pass", there's a "severe" accompanying the word "disabled". They flinch even more when I say I'm severely disabled.

"Disorder" has a negative connotation because it's been used as an insult. "Disabled" has a negative connotation because it's been used as an insult. People mixed up schizophrenia and DID and now many think that "feeling schizophrenic" is a sophisticated way to say that you feel conflicted.

The pattern is always the same: People use normal medical words either as insults or in an unrelated, non-medical way, and as a result well-meaning but uninformed advocates create "nicer" sounding words because they think the original word is either outdated or offensive. Or they think "Now that everyone misuses it, we need a new word for the medical term so that there are no misunderstandings."

In both cases, "our" words were successfully co-opted and we have to learn 10 new words to know that people talk about our conditions.

Unfortunately, not everyone sees 10 new words for their condition and intuitively picks up the meaning and knows what everyone's talking about. Sometimes words are hard. Sometimes it's hard to learn all these words and then be told by some uninformed activist that we shouldn't call ourselves what we've always called ourselves.

And what kind of people sometimes struggle with learning new words? People with cognitive impairments. People with brain damage. People who had a stroke. People who survived a ruptured aneurysm.

If you hear "Please stop saying you have a stroke or an aneurysm", etc., did it ever occur to you that maybe it's not because we're offended, but because we don't want these words to get negative connotations? Whenever something gets a negative connotation, there's a possibility for it to be seen as a slur and that would lead to 10 new words to learn because uninformed activists think the original term is offensive or not precise enough.

When I say "Hey, please stop saying you have a stroke when you don't understand something", I'm not offended and I'm not saying it's ableist. I've just noticed enough patterns to be quite sure that at some point there'll be an uninformed well-meaning advocate who suggests a new word for stroke survivors because they think the old word isn't precise enough anymore.

And I don't know if there are enough stroke survivors on social media who could stop this new word and mindset from reaching other uninformed advocate spaces...

[merakiui]

maybe, i'm afraid.

azul ashengrotto x (female) reader cw: slight angst, nsfw, azul bottles his feelings and is insecure note - happy birthday to my favorite tako in the whole world. <3 may you have wonderful days forever!! // loosely inspired by lovelytheband's "maybe, i'm afraid."

i. spring - dancing in your party dress, you were singing me some frank sinatra as you wept. pull me close enough. it seems like we lost touch, so hold me as the record skips.

“Can you believe we’re gonna be fourth years?!” Kalim exclaims with wide, sparkling eyes. They look like twin garnets set into his face—polished jewels having caught the aquatic illumination from Mostro Lounge’s aquarium. “Time really does fly, huh!”

“Feels like yesterday,” Ruggie agrees around a mouthful of food. His plate is stacked as high as it can possibly get, piled with contrasting flavors. “Pretty crazy to think we’re all gonna be heading off in different directions soon.”

Jade nods. “Our school lives are as fun as they are fleeting.”

An odd quiet falls over the three of them, which is soon broken when Floyd drapes himself over the booth. He leans down to swipe a sliver from Jade’s plate. “Whatcha talkin’ about?”

“Just reminiscing.”

“Ah. S’bout that time, ain’t it? Gettin’ sentimental in the spring.”

“Makes sense. The semester’s ending and people are starting up their internships or going home. Really makes you think…”

Ruggie gazes at the group huddled near the bar. Riddle, Jamil, and a half-awake Silver chat alongside you and Azul. You seem to be in the middle of a riveting story, for your arms gesticulate wildly. Azul looks on with what Ruggie thinks is the most mushy-gushy, ooey-gooey smile he’s ever seen.

“We’re gonna come back in the winter, aren’t we?” Kalim asks, tilting his head.

“Indeed. For the cultural festival.”

“Yeah, that’s right! It’ll be fun to see you guys after so much time apart. Oh, we should all keep in touch! That way it’ll feel like no time has passed at all.”

“Perhaps not for us.” Jade follows Ruggie’s line of sight, landing on one person in particular. “For others, the gap is cavernous.”

“What do you mean, Jade?”

Floyd catches on then. “S’not our fault he’s not sayin’ anything.”

Ruggie shrugs. “It doesn’t concern me.” He pops up from his spot in the booth, grinning. “It’s been great and all, but I’ve gotta get my fill. Wouldn’t be right for a guy to skimp out when it’s Azul hosting.”

Giggling, Floyd waves him off. “You do that, Sharksucker.”

Kalim turns to the twins, brows raised. “You’re talking about Azul?”

“He’s been swept up in Shrimpy ever since. It’s been—how long now?—about two years or something.”

“Oh.” Kalim blinks back at him, slow on the uptake. And then, seconds later, it hits him. “Ohhh! He likes (Name)!”

“There ya go.”

“I’m afraid he’s yet to confess,” Jade adds around a bite of cake. “You should see the plans he’s drafted. Dozens of them, in fact. Each one is… Oh, perhaps I’ve said too much already.”

“I don’t get it. If he likes (Name) so much, why wouldn’t he just confess? Why make plans?”

“Wow, Sea Otter, you don’t play when it comes to feelings, do ya?”

“If it was me, I’d want everyone to know how much I care about someone.” To demonstrate this point, he cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, “You’re the best, (Name)!”

You glance past a now wide-awake Silver at the twins and Kalim. Mirroring his actions, you reply in a giggly voice, “Thanks! You’re great, too, Kalim!”

Beaming, he says, “See? It’s not so difficult. If Azul needs any help, I’d be happy to��”

Floyd throws his head back and cackles like a madman. “Not so difficult for you!”

Jade masks his amusement behind a gloved fist. “My, my. I think I’ve just witnessed the very soul drain from Azul’s eyes. You have quite the talent, Kalim.”

Kalim doesn’t hear the underlying meaning or the backhanded barb in his statement. “He’s got time, doesn’t he?”

“That’s what he keeps saying. But deep down he knows.” Floyd watches Azul hurry to recover his composure before anyone can notice. “He’s leaving for his internship after school’s over and then graduation’s next spring. He’s running out of time.”

“Does (Name) like him? Maybe she’ll confess before he does!”

“That’s just it. He doesn’t know what Shrimpy feels for him. Been driving himself crazy all school year tryin’ to figure that one out.”

“I suspect he’s grown excessively cautious as a result of his fear of rejection,” Jade explains, dragging his fork through the buttercream smeared on his plate.

“But if he confesses now and she doesn’t feel the same, he’ll have all summer to recover.” Kalim turns his stare on you next. “(Name)’s always been nice. I’m sure she wouldn’t shatter his heart.”

“When you’re Azul, even the tiniest push is enough.” 

“Really? But he’s always so strong!”

Jade hums. “Three hearts are quite the boon-burden.”

“Only makes lovin’ someone that much worse. Cuz then you’re lovin’ ’em three times as much.”

“Isn’t that good? I think it’s sweet Azul cares about (Name) so much.”

“Sweet…” Jade shares a look with Floyd. Something unspoken passes between them. “Yes, I suppose that’s one way to put it.”

“Azul thinks it’s a pain in the ass. Throws him off his course and he loooves bein’ on his course.” 

Kalim stares a moment longer. “Maybe he needs a push in the right direction.”

“Liquid courage works wonders—”

“—or gives way to woe.”

“Nothing like that.” He doesn’t elaborate further, instead getting up and padding over to the bar with a cheerful bounce in his steps. “Hey, everyone, let’s take a picture!”

Riddle welcomes him with a warm smile. “Ah, hello there, Kalim.”

“You seem to be enjoying yourself,” Jamil comments, arms folding across his chest. Which, arguably, is worse because it can only spell trouble should Kalim find himself inspired.

“Way ahead of you!” You hold your Ghost Camera up, turning the lens on Kalim. Lighting up like the very sun in the sky, he poses just as you snap a photo. It takes a few moments for it to develop, but once it does you hand it over to him for his perusal. “Looking good as always.”

“Aww, thanks! Okay, your turn next! Let’s get a big group photo and then individual photos.” With the camera now in his possession, Kalim’s free to fidget with it as he pleases. “Ooh, this is neat!”

“Careful with that!” Jamil bounds forward just in case. “The Headmage gave that to (Name). Don’t break it.”

“I won’t,” Kalim promises, holding it up to capture you and Jamil in its sight. “I think I’ve got it! Everyone, group up! Picture time!”

There’s lots of fumbling. An argument about height breaks out. Floyd pokes fun at Riddle for having to stand in front to account for his height. Riddle fumes, red with anger, and stomps his foot indignantly—all while insisting he’s still growing. You offer to stand beside him, but he hisses at you like a cat: “Don’t patronize me! I’m of perfect, healthy stature for someone my age!”

Kalim looks on from behind the camera. “Actually, can we get (Name) and Azul together first?”

Azul, who had been in the process of adding to the joke with a comment of his own, hesitates. He peers at Kalim, his walls rising. “Me?”

“Yeah! Only fair to put you front and center. You’re the host, after all!”

“Ah, right. Of course. But then—”

“Why me?” you ask, confused. “If anything, I should stay out of the picture. I’m not a third year like the rest of you.”

Kalim gasps, scandalized. “We can’t do that! It doesn’t matter what year you are. You’re still our friend, and parties are for everyone to enjoy.”

“Doesn’t that throw off the original plan?” Ruggie wonders, munching on a frosted donut.

“Kalim, we need to account for height. Riddle can’t stand in the back.” Jamil glances apologetically at Riddle. “That’s just the reality of it.”

Riddle huffs, refusing to dignify that with a response.

“I’ll stand in the front,” Silver offers.

“What? No, that’s not the issue here, Silver.”

“It’s not? I thought we were picking who stands beside (Name).”

“Ooh, I wanna stand with Shrimpy!” Floyd wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your head. “C’mon, Sea Otter, take our pic!”

Jamil sighs. “All of you…”

“Shall we take individual photos with (Name) first?” Jade suggests, smiling placidly at Kalim.

This time the message is received loud and clear. “Oh, great idea, Jade! Azul and (Name), could you stand next to each other?”

The group disperses to allow you and Azul to do just that. Rigidly, Azul steps closer. He keeps a healthy distance between your bodies, one Jade picks up on right away.

“Please smile and pretend like you love each other,” he instructs, to which Azul flusters.

“W-What? Jade, that’s—”

“C’mere, Ashengrotto! I don’t bite!”

With a joyous laugh, you wrap your arm around Azul’s waist and drag him in close. He stumbles, flushed in the face, just as the camera flashes. The corresponding photo slides out next, blank for a while. Eventually, the image begins to show up with striking clarity.

“How’s it look? Great, right?” As soon as it happened, it’s gone—your warmth. The comfort of being held. Azul almost pursues you when you release him from your grasp and move towards Kalim to inspect the photo. Thankfully, he catches himself. “Hey, this is nice! Good job.”

You and Kalim share a high-five.

“Me next, Sea Otter!” Floyd crowds in, baring his pointed teeth in an unruly grin.

With everyone’s attention on you, Kalim, and the camera, Azul’s left to stand behind in silence. Anticipating the rainless deluge, Jade lingers within earshot.

“I know,” he mutters in a brittle tone. “Don’t say a word.”

“Not a peep. Although if I may share just a tiny tidbit… Kalim offered some very helpful advice. You may want to hear it.”

Azul stares at him, stunned. “You told Kalim?”

“Not directly, no. It was implied.” Jade averts his mismatched eyes on purpose. “More or less.”

“I should’ve made you and Floyd sign NDAs…”

“Is it really so sensitive?”

“Yes! Yes, of course it is!” Azul deflates with a sigh, looking on mournfully. You’re trying to snatch the camera from Floyd’s hands. He holds it up and out of reach, laughing raucously. “What did he say?”

“If you confess now, you’ll have the entire summer to mend your tattered heart.”

Azul barks out a short, hollow laugh. “In an ideal world, that’s easy.”

“You’re making it more difficult than it needs to be.” Jade issues an encouraging smile. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Are you seriously asking that?”

“It’s just something to consider.”

A minute ticks between them. Jade watches the scene alongside Azul, delighting in distant chaos.

“I’m afraid, Jade,” he admits quietly, the confession as soft and fragile as a single breath. “She’s everything and I’m…nothing.”

Jade frowns in disagreement.

“I’ve looked at it from every conceivable angle. There isn’t any calculated risk to be made—no potential profit or success to be had.”

“Are you certain?”

“Very.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to get it off your chest. We have a few weeks left before the break. If not your heart, perhaps you could establish a means to communicate?”

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… For the sake of networking—”

Jade chuckles. “Networking? Is that it?”

Azul scowls. “You’re awfully irritating tonight.”

“I’m not the one with his tentacles tied, hopelessly infatuated.” 

“You—”

“(Name), there’s something Azul would like to tell you,” Jade announces, and you turn to look at him.

Azul thinks he should just go ahead and die right there. Is it possible to spontaneously combust if he thinks about it long enough? Is such a phenomenon magic? All he needs to do is visualize it and then the spark will catch and—

“Yeah? What’s up, Azul?”

Azul flounders, his concentration broken. Like he’s done so many times in the past, he plasters his trademark smirk-grin on and falls into the shoes of the sleazy conman. “If you ever find yourself in need of study materials even after I’ve graduated, do not hesitate to contact me and I—”

You laugh. “I think I’ll be good. Thanks, though.”

With withering confidence, he chuckles. “I could give you quite the deal. You’d be missing out…”

You roll your eyes, unconvinced.

Jade—annoying, asshole Jade—brushes past, smooth as sea glass. “I shall take my leave, but please continue your chat. I believe there’s a camera waiting to capture the memory of me.”

Now it’s just you and Azul. He clears his throat, suddenly awkward.

“(Name), I—”

“Azul—”

“Oh.” He stares at you, a smile twitching on his lips. “You first.”

“No, no, you spoke before me.”

“Ah. Well…”

If you confess now, you’ll have the entire summer to mend your tattered heart. As if a love that’s been flowering for two years could possibly be resolved within the span of a few months.

He tries again even though it’s not what he really wants to say. “I do hope you’ll have a pleasant summer.”

“You as well.” You nudge him. “Kick ass at your internship.”

“I intend to.” Right. Internship. Work. Business. He can hold a normal conversation if that’s the topic. “And you? Do you plan to stay here?”

“Yeah. Crowley’s letting Grim and me live on campus since we don’t have anywhere else to go. I’ll work part-time in Craneport. Summer is a great season for tourism, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that.”

Azul laughs. “If it’s a family, they may spend more on kid’s menus for the novelty of it all. Be sure to talk it up to truly sell it. All children deserve to know the magic of a seasonal menu, do they not? Food in fun shapes. Fairy tales and sparkles. All of that razzmatazz. It’s the experience they’re paying for, after all.”

“Is that advice free?”

“Is it?”

“Fine, fine.” You dig through your pocket and hand him the photo from earlier. “Your payment, good sir. A memento of me.”

Azul takes it from you, admires your effortlessly pretty smile, and then freezes. “Oh, I look positively dreadful!”

“Not at all. It adds character.”

“A horrid sort of character.”

You sidle up beside him, peering at the picture. “I like it. It’s a photo of an imperfect Azul.”

“What an ambiguous compliment.”

“I’m serious! It’s Azul when he’s not acting. I like imperfect Azul. He’s authentic. A real person.” You pat him on the shoulder. He stiffens, betraying his initial nonchalance. “Or maybe not. One day I’ll catch you off guard.”

“We’ll see.”

“One day…” Your attention is stolen when you catch sight of the group attempting to bunch together for a selfie. Offering Azul that same smile he’s admired ever since he saw it, you add, “Have a fun summer. Don’t be a stranger next year, okay?” And then you’re bounding across the lounge. “Wait for me! I want in, too!”

For the rest of the semester, Azul keeps the photo tucked away in his phone case.

I have time to mull over the pros and cons, he tells himself when he departs through the mirror, summer break at his fingertips.

ii. summer - maybe i’m just too good. maybe i’ll run away. maybe i’m over you. maybe i shouldn’t stay. maybe i just don’t care. maybe i talk too much.

It occurs to you, while sorting through the photos you’ve taken throughout this past school year, that there’s an absurd amount of Azul. Whether on his own or with others, he appears in more photos than anyone else. You wonder how that happened—how you managed to be there for so many of his moments, each one documented in photographic permanence.

Some of them are humorous. Azul looking unimpressed when you lifted your camera to capture him. Grim jumping into his arms to demand snacks. His glasses sitting crooked on his face. Some of them are endearing. Azul reading in a comfortable nook in the library. Azul smiling fondly at the lens during an alchemy lesson. Azul laughing after you cracked a joke during PE. Some of them are animated. Azul waving at you from across the courtyard. Azul rolling his eyes at a dull pun. Azul playfully blowing a kiss to the camera after you told him to do something memorable. Some are special. Azul in his birthday robes. Azul during that time Mostro Lounge became a butler café for one week. Azul on his last day of the semester, leveling the camera with a roguish smirk.

This one—the most recent and last photo taken of him—is especially important. It’s the conversation that prompted an unforgettable expression that fills you with butterflies whenever you recall it.

“I think you’ll miss me,” you told him, elbowing him for good measure.

“I think I will,” he replied, his lips curling.

Unequipped to deliver a witty retort, you could only gawk.

“Don’t tell me that’s all it takes to shock you into silence.” He chuckled, and there was that infamous smirk-grin—sitting so perfectly on his face, as if it was meant to be there for this very exchange. “You’re too easy, (Name). Where’s the challenge?”

Wordlessly, you raised your Ghost Camera and snapped his picture.

There are so many facets to his person that you’ve managed to catch on your camera—complex layers you wouldn’t have otherwise witnessed if you hadn’t spent so much time around him.

Now you realize why you have an abundance of Azul photos.

We sure hung out a lot this year, and every time I had my camera…

Is he your muse? Is he just naturally photogenic? He fits into plenty of backgrounds, but it’s never the scenery that fascinates and bewitches. It’s always his expression, his body language, his emotions. And the reason all of these photos are so important is because this is an Azul who is comfortable enough to show these sides to you. An Azul who wants you to document his best and his worst, his beautiful and his ugly, his silly and his serious.

Sitting at your desk, thumbing through stacks of photos, you know he’s more than a muse. As you watch Azul move in various pictures, you wonder what he’s doing. It’s only a month into summer, but everything feels so slow. Campus has cleared out, and with it the lounge has closed for the season. You’re certain he still has his ways of making profit and spreading word of its wonders. Azul isn’t foolish. He’s always working an angle. Endlessly clever and stubbornly ambitious.

Does he miss me, too? you think, running your finger over his smiling face. Or was that just something he said to get a reaction?

Just then, a gut-wrenching thought lodges itself deep: Are we even friends? What if he thinks I’m a nuisance? Maybe he’s just tolerating me and all this time I’ve been delusional.

You glimpse the photos again, watching Azul laugh soundlessly in an animated loop. What am I to you, Azul?

As if on cue, having sensed your sadness, arms wrap around you from behind. For a second you think it’s Grim, but then you see distinctly human hands clasping together. You whirl, startled out of your skin, to find Azul Ashengrotto standing there.

“Wha… What?”

He’s…here. Azul is standing in your bedroom.

You blink once and he remains. You blink twice and he’s still there, gazing down at you with soft, smiling features.

“Hello to you as well.”

“Hey…?” You pat his cheek and flinch away. “Oh, you’re real!”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” Chuckling, he withdraws and moves to stand at your deskside. “I’m wounded. To think you would forget me just like that. And I thought I was plenty memorable.” He blows you a mock kiss then, and that’s when it finally strikes you.

This isn’t your Azul. This is an Azul from your photos.

How is this even possible? you think, scrambling to find which picture—which memory—he’s from. In doing so, you remember a particularly unique fact about the Ghost Camera. It’s a magical device that allows a photographer to capture slivers of their subject’s soul, which gives way to a special sort of connection known as a soulbond. The deeper the bond, the more likely the person in the photographs is to take on animation and, in some cases, slip out of the image that contains them.

So this is Azul from the time at which he was last photographed, you determine, holding up pictures to match his corporeal likeness to that of the scenery. The Ghost Camera is so cool…

“I missed you, you know.”

“Did you now?” He leans in close, curious. “How much?”

You push him away with a weak scoff. This isn’t good for your heart. Any closer and you might say something you’ll come to regret.

“Not as much as you think.”

“Is that so?” His gaze pans over to the pile of photos on your desk. “And these photos are simply here for convenience?”

“D-Don’t worry about it! Summer project. You wouldn’t get it.”

He flashes his teeth at you in a bright, competitive grin. “Try me.”

“You’re so nosy. Don’t you get tired of prying?”

“Not in the slightest.” He leans against the desk, his arms folding casually over his chest. “That’s besides the point. You’re avoiding the subject at hand.”

You turn in your chair and open your mouth to reply—why are you so invested in this?—but a better idea crops up. Meeting his cerulean stare with fierce, fiery eyes, you challenge him: “If it matters so much to you, I could be convinced to share my plans for the small price of one kiss. A real kiss. Not that fake one from before.”

Azul blinks back at you, a smirk crawling onto his face. “Is that all you desire?”

“What do you mean by—”

Your question is cut off when another set of arms embraces you from behind. Warm, soft lips press against your cheek; his breath tickles your ear.

“Are two not better than one?”

With a yelp, you jerk back so fast that you almost fall out of your chair. Standing there, looking very proud of himself, is another Azul. But this one, unlike Dorm Azul, is dressed in his school uniform. A very helpful distinction.

“D-Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

It’s the only coherent sentence you can manage. Your mind is a panicked muddle: I can’t believe it. Two Azuls. Am I dreaming? This is definitely a dream, right? There’s no way he’d kiss me on the…

You slap your hand over your cheek, gasping. “Y-You kissed me?!”

“Is that not the price you wanted me to pay?” School Azul asks, one brow raised as if daring you to deny that fact.

Dorm Azul’s fingers curl under your chin, guiding your gaze towards him. “Unless you’d like to raise the price…”

You swallow thickly. This can’t be happening.

“Of course, in raising the price, it’s expected you raise the value of the information you’re willing to divulge,” School Azul adds with a chuckle. “Is that not fair?”

You shrink under both of their insistent stares. “W-Why do you even wanna know?”

“Why not? Any information is good information so long as it’s useful.”

You scoff, but it comes out choked and shy. “I… I’m going to use these photos to put together a present for you. I know your birthday’s so far away, but I’m getting a head start.”

“And this present would entail…?”

You click your tongue at him. “I already paid my half for that kiss. No more.”

“Aah, is that right?” Dorm Azul leans in, kissing dangerously close to your lips. You reach up to touch the corner of your mouth after he’s pulled away. “How much for the full story?”

“How much are you willing to pay?”

School Azul rests his chin on your shoulder. His hands settle on your waist, pulling you up from your seat. This proximity allows you to feel his hair as it brushes against your face. Dorm Azul closes the distance as if it’s second nature, and now you’re sandwiched between the both of them.

Your heart stumbles in your chest. He’s quite literally surrounding you, but you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

“A very valid question.” Dorm Azul glances coyly at School Azul. “What do you think, Me?”

“Will we be enough for you, (Name)?” he purrs, rubbing slow circles into your hips.

You’re dizzy in their arms, your entire body warming with anticipation and embarrassment alike. Is it okay to be selfish? Even though this isn’t technically Azul—just mere memories of him—it seems so real. He’s holding you, touching you, reaching for you…

“Hmm. Two does seem to be a bit much.”

“Let’s call it a holiday and say it’s seasonal spoiling.”

“A gift for the summer.”

“Do open the window to let in the breeze. The heat is prone to making one feel rather…stuffy.”

They’re doing this on purpose. Maybe another Azul is more troublesome than I once thought. I can only handle so much charm!

Shrugging off self-doubt, you grab Dorm Azul by his lapels and yank him towards you, sealing the space that once separated your mouths in a hungry kiss. He melts against you, eyes fluttering shut. It’s quick and starved, the way you chase each other’s lips. You cling to him before you can fall, arms looped around his neck to keep him near.

Fully clothed and achingly desperate, you loathe the unbearable heat, but nothing is more molten than the space between your thighs.

Meanwhile, School Azul takes his sweet time running his hands along your sides, up the length of your body until he reaches your chest. With his form pinned to yours, you can feel his erection pressing against your ass. Rather shamelessly, he rolls his hips. You’re pushed up against Dorm Azul next, who takes hold of your hand and guides it to the strain in his slacks. He pulls away briefly to allow School Azul to slide your shirt up and over your head.

“Were you anticipating this?” he whispers, taking hold of your breasts.

“No way,” you protest between kisses. “Not… No. K-Keep dreaming. It’s too much trouble to wear one in the summer. Gets hot and—”

Dorm Azul captures your lips in another ravenous smooch, and the objection dies in your throat.

“There’s no need for these pesky articles where I’m from,” School Azul murmurs. He presses kisses into your bare shoulder, humming his very obvious delight. “You’d have already been laid out beneath me if that were the case… Soft and sweet, all mine to love at the bottom of the sea…”

“Humans have so many steps,” Dorm Azul laments, tutting.

“And merfolk don’t?” You try to sound smart with your question, but it comes out breathless when your nipple’s twisted between two fingers. “Oh…”

“Not when it comes to clothing. The very concept doesn’t exist beneath the waves.”

“You could visit sometime and see for yourself. I’ll welcome you with open arms.” Dorm Azul rests his forehead against yours. “And maybe then you’ll find yourself so taken with my home that you’ll want to stay.”

“A tempting offer.”

“But?” he prompts, his gaze falling to your hand as you palm him through his pants. He inhales a shaky breath.

“What’s stopping you?” the other Azul asks, his voice muffled in your skin.

“Firstly, I’m not a mer.”

“My dear, that’s nothing. Have you forgotten my proficiency in potionology?”

“And how much will one of your potions cost? I’d love to visit, but if it’s going to bankrupt me—”

“For you, a single kiss is all I require.”

“Isn’t that awfully cheap?”

Dorm Azul chuckles at this back-and-forth. “You say that as if you want me to charge an exorbitant amount.”

Glaring, you squeeze him out of revenge. His laughter comes out choked next, replaced with a needy whimper. Unbelievable.

“Maybe I do.”

“I would be careful with those words, dearest. I might take them to heart.”

He ruts against your hand, panting into your mouth. The kiss is sloppy and wet, all tongue and saliva. You move on instinct, grabbing at his shoulders when you’re taken to bed next. Both Azuls peer down at you from where they kneel on either side of you. They issue you hazy, lust-drunk smiles. Hands wander, feeling every inch you have to offer. You shut your eyes and submit to titillating touches.

“You really did miss me,” School Azul remarks when his fingers slip into your shorts to rub you through your sodden panties. Your breath hitches, a strangled whine squeezed from your throat, and he laughs. “I missed you, too.”

“I really like you,” you blurt, chest heaving with your every breath. He squeezes your clit to draw another sinful groan from you. “I think—Azul, you’re so—I think you’re so amazing… I wish we talked more. The year—aah… It went by so fast.”

“It did, didn’t it?”

“I wanna know you—the real you. I wanna know what Azul’s like when he’s comfortable and when he’s sad and when he’s happy. I wanna—ooh! Please… Please, Azul…” You grab fistfuls of the sheets, arching up towards the hands that caress your stomach lovingly. “I just want you.”

“And you’ll have me,” he—you’re not sure which—promises, leaning over to kiss you. It’s soulful passion, lust bleeding into love. Your cries are lost on his lips when you come undone beneath him, buoyant on a mellow wave.

You sense the loss before you see it.

Half-nude and gasping for breath, you stare up at the ceiling. Your bedroom is empty. All that remains of the Azuls are the animated memories imprinted on the photographs.

“I’m losing my mind…” you mutter, draping your arm over your eyes.

Please let summer pass quickly.

iii. winter - maybe all we are is fools with hearts that tried too hard. and maybe that’s just fine as long as you’re here in my arms.

Azul paces restlessly in his VIP room. It’s been months since he’s seen you, but his heart hasn’t swayed in the slightest. If anything, he’s only grown fonder in the time spent apart. Absence… What a bothersome thing.

“You’re gonna walk yourself into the floor, y’know. Your shoes’ll be all worn out by the time you’re done.”

“I’m aware,” Azul quips, uncharacteristically jittery. He turns towards Floyd. “Do I look presentable? Is anything crooked or misplaced? How about my hair?”

“You’re fine.” At Azul’s disbelieving glower, Floyd pouts. “I mean it. Shrimpy’s gonna like it either way.”

He bristles, defensive. “Who said anything about (Name)?”

“No one, but you’re thinkin’ it.”

“I… T-That’s besides the point! It doesn’t matter. She’s only here because I invited her. Common courtesy and all that.”

“Mm, I dunno about that one.”

Azul frowns at the vault set into the wall behind his desk. If only he could pack all of his fears in there and lock them away for good. Then he could continue masquerading as someone fearless and confident. With winter having descended upon campus, bringing with it layers of fluffy, glittering snow, and the cultural festival having concluded successfully, Azul finds himself lost.

This is the last birthday he’ll celebrate at Night Raven College and, subsequently, the last February he’ll spend with you. He’s running out of time.

“Invitation or not, Shrimpy’ll always wish you a happy birthday. S’not like her to forget. Plus, she cares about ya.”

“You can’t be sure of that.”

Azul’s tone is so sharp that Floyd raises his hands in defense. “Guess not.”

“What would you do?” He inhales a wobbly breath. “If you were in my shoes…”

Floyd scratches the back of his neck, contemplative. “Dunno. Guess I’d wait for the right moment and say somethin’ to get it outta my system.”

Azul sighs. “Jade said something similar.”

“He ain’t wrong.”

“I’m not prepared.”

“No one is.” Floyd smiles at Azul’s baffled expression. “C’mon, Azul, you can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to. S’just how it is.”

“Even so, it’s better to know all viable routes and options before diving into uncharted waters.”

“That’s just it. You can’t know. S’kinda the whole point, ain’t it?”

“I can’t do it,” he decides, the words heavy on his tongue. “I’d rather accept my future failure now than continue working towards it.”

“Like a coward.”

“Far from it! In business, that’s known as rescission. It is a completely valid method of—”

“You ever realize your feelings and business are two separate things? Not everything’s gotta be about business.”

Azul stands there, nonplussed.

Floyd makes for the door, stopping only to add, “Your fly’s unzipped, by the way.”

“You—” He scrambles to check. Much to his relief, it’s not. “Honestly… That’s not even funny.”

He smooths nonexistent wrinkles, schools his expression into something brave, and exhales slowly. I’m not going to ruin an occasion as grand as this with a half-baked confession.

Having made up his mind, he steps through the door out into the bustling lounge. Like clockwork, all eyes turn to him. He searches the crowd for you, hopeful. But before he can locate you, party poppers resound with a loud bang. Confetti trickles down like colorful rainfall, landing on his suit and getting stuck in his hair.

“Happy birthday, Azul!”

He wants to run and hide. He wants to dive into the sea and seek solace in his favorite octopus pot. He wants to bury himself in the sand and disappear.

Instead, he smiles and spreads his arms like he’s just pulled off an astounding magic trick. “Why, thank you, everyone! I’m pleased you could make it. Do enjoy yourselves to the fullest tonight.”

Cheers erupt amongst the partygoers, but they might as well be on a completely different island. Azul turns, hoping to make his rounds and escape, but Kalim intercepts him. Jamil isn’t far behind.

“Azul, happy birthday!” Kalim smiles just as Jamil catches up.

He passes two expertly wrapped gifts into Azul’s empty hands. “On behalf of Kalim and myself, thank you for the invitation.”

“Yeah, super thanks! It’s been so much fun. I hope you’ll like your gift, but if you don’t just let me know and I’ll get you something else. Whatever you want! You deserve it on your special day.”

Azul looks past him, not in the mood to entertain. “Yes, of course. It’s not a problem.”

Jamil raises a brow, but then it clicks. “(Name) wanted me to pass on her regards.”

As expected, that draws his attention. “Why’s that?”

“She wasn’t sure if she’d get to see you on your big, busy day.” Jamil eyes Azul knowingly.

Kalim nods. “We ran into her on the way here, but she said to go on without her.”

Azul doesn’t like the way they’re both looking at him—as if they’re in on some joke he’s not currently aware of.

“Well,” he says, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “her regards are well-received.”

“You’re not going to meet her?”

“It’s my big, busy day, isn’t it? I’m afraid she’ll have to catch me at her earliest convenience.” Azul, gifts in hand, smiles. “Please do enjoy the party, you two. Thank you again for your thoughtful gifts and birthday wishes.”

On his way to the table designed for gifts, Azul spots Riddle, Silver, and Ruggie. They stand off to the side, chatting amongst themselves. He supposes, if anything, he might as well say hello. Setting the gifts down, Azul struts over.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I do hope you’re enjoying yourselves.”

“You know it. Parties at Octavinelle are always somethin’ else,” Ruggie says. Unsurprisingly, he’s done well to fix himself a plate and more. With him around Azul doesn’t have to fret over food waste.

“Your presentation at the cultural festival was very informative, if I may say so,” Riddle commends, sipping his fizzy beverage.

“As was yours.” Azul’s smile tightens. For some reason, he’s always felt the need to walk on eggshells around Riddle. And for good reason, too! Whatever Azul seems to accomplish, no matter how lofty a feat, Riddle seems to do better. “I’m sure you’ve had quite the rewarding experience yourself.”

“Indeed.”

“It’s good timing,” Silver notes, and all eyes drift towards him. Azul perks up. Timing. He needs more of that. “Your birthday came right after the festival. It’s almost like celebrating your hard work and another healthy year all in one.”

“Never thought about it that way. Guess it makes sense when you put it like that.” Ruggie grins cheekily. “Lucky you, Azul.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck. The dates just happened to align… Either way, thank you, Silver. I’m pleased you can look at it with such inspiring positivity.”

“You catch up with (Name) yet?”

“No? Am I meant to?”

“Just asking.” Ruggie shrugs. “She had me run a few errands for her yesterday. Said it was all for your sake, but when I tried to get more info outta her she told me I’d have to wait for ‘the big reveal’—whatever that is.”

Now everyone’s looking at him. Azul feels small.

“With how often I’ve heard her name tonight, I’d think she’s the one with the birthday.”

“Is she really so popular today? Odd. I haven’t had the chance to greet her,” Riddle muses.

“I thought I saw her this afternoon.” Silver furrows his brow, uncertain. “She seems busy.”

“Which is precisely why I can’t fathom the insistence that I ought to have met with her already.”

Ruggie tilts his head. “That the only reason?”

Just how many people are in on this asinine joke? More importantly, which eel is he going to have to wring out for spilling a not-so-secret secret?

Azul realizes his mask is slipping and so he repairs it expertly. If Ruggie takes notice of this, he doesn’t say anything. “It’s bad manners to show up late to a party. I’m sure one of us will agree.”

Riddle nods, but his words are surprisingly lenient. “Life happens. I suppose we can’t fault (Name) entirely.”

“She’ll make it. I’m sure she will. Don’t worry, Azul,” Silver reassures.

He’s not. He won’t. He isn’t.

“If the world was ending tomorrow,” Ruggie says, sliding into a new subject with practiced finesse, “what would you all do?”

“The end of the world…” Riddle frowns. “That’s impossible.”

“It’s a hypothetical. Anything’s possible.”

Silver hums thoughtfully. “I’d spend what time I have left with my loved ones.”

“You sure you’re not just gonna go running back to Briar Valley to protect Malleus?”

“As a guard it’s my duty, but fighting against the inevitable would be pointless.” Silver looks to the rest of them for their input. “If the world is ending and there’s nothing a guard like myself can do to prevent it, then I can only offer what’s left of my time.”

“So companionship. Okay, good to know. What about you, Riddle?”

He huffs. “I refuse to let the world end before I’ve accomplished my goals.”

“Yikes. You academic types don’t rest, do you?”

“No, no, it’s true,” Azul pipes up. “I agree. Why am I going to let the world get in the way of my plans?”

“So both of you are going to resist it until the very end?”

“You said anything can happen in a hypothetical, yes?” Riddle smirks. “In my hypothetical the world says it’ll end tomorrow, but it never does. It keeps saying so like it’s a faulty forecast. The end of the world is scheduled for next week, the week after, three weeks from now. By then, a year’s passed and the world still hasn’t ended.”

Ruggie groans. “That defeats the whole purpose of my question. You can’t give yourself more time when it’s already so limited.”

“Anything is possible if you know what you’re working with,” Azul adds, nodding alongside Riddle. “I quite like this hypothetical.”

“Leave it to the honors students to logic it out and make it more complicated than it needs to be…”

“You wouldn’t spend it with your loved ones?” Silver asks, but it appears as if the question is directed entirely at Azul. “I think I’d want to tell them the things I never got to say. Things I put off saying… Would you do that, too, Azul?”

“I…” He shuts his mouth and then opens it. “I’m not sure what I could possibly say within such a limited timeframe.”

“It doesn’t have to be complex.”

“I guess a good, old ‘love you lots’ is better than nothing,” Ruggie says.

Azul stops short. The end of the world. Time. Loss. Loved ones.

Time! He’s running out of time!

“Well, this was quite the lively discussion, but I’m afraid I’ll have to excuse myself now. There are a few more people I must meet.” Azul smiles gratefully at the three of them. They wish him another happy birthday before he finally departs, his heart in his throat.

He’s running out of time.

Logically, Azul knows the feeling doesn’t reflect his reality. It’s not as if he has to confess by the end of the school year. Logically, he has his entire life to confess. But who’s to say you’ll stay in his life after he graduates? You might be gone by the time he finally finds the right words, the right time, the right circumstance.

You can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to.

Floyd’s right. There’s no way of knowing for sure until he does it. There’s no way to know what lies in those uncharted waters until he dives in. There’s no way to know where your heart lies until he confesses.

The world isn’t going to end tomorrow, but if he doesn’t say what he needs to before graduation he’ll never have another chance. And then that world—the world contained within NRC’s boundaries—will implode and that will be that.

At that very moment, a camera flashes. He spins around to search the photographer out and—

There you are, striding through throngs of people to reach him. There you are, dressed for the occasion. There you are, wearing that pretty smile he sees in his dreams.

“Happy birthday!” You turn the photo towards him for his viewing pleasure. It’s of him, staring off into space. He looks so stone-faced with his knitted brows and pursed lips. “Sorry about showing up late. I had to add the finishing touches to your present.”

You hand it to him. The amateur wrapping job makes the gift appear more lumpy than it actually is. It’s heavy like a textbook. Shaped as such, too. Azul wonders what its contents could be. Perhaps something relating to economics? A novel in a particular genre?

“Thank you very much. I’ll take good care of both.” He tucks the picture into his breastpocket, battling the urge to tear into your gift now. He needs to know. What did you get him? What could it possibly be? “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

“Even if the world was ending?”

“Uh… What?”

“Ah, never mind that. It was simply a lingering thought from a previous conversation.”

“That’s so grim! And on your birthday, no less.”

Azul waves his hand through the air. A playful smile draws his lips apart. “Can you believe Riddle said he’d make the apocalypse wait on his behalf?”

“Seriously?” You snort, eyes brightening with amusement. “Even the apocalypse gets a schedule…”

He barks out a laugh. “Insanity, isn’t it?”

“Maybe for us, but definitely not for Riddle.” You glance at him. “What about you? What does Azul Ashengrotto’s last day look like?”

He intends to answer with something prepackaged: Awash in success until the very end!

“Alone.”

“Really? No friends or family by your side?”

“Would that make it better? Perhaps being surrounded by others only intensifies the dread.”

There’s some sort of symbolism in coming into the world alone and going out the same. Azul just can’t quite phrase it eloquently.

“Maybe there’s no right answer. Maybe there’s not any comfort in it either.” You run your fingers over the edges of your Ghost Camera. “We can’t know what lies ahead until we’re there. Maybe that’s why we spend so much time theorizing.”

“Quite the insightful judgment.”

“For the record, I wouldn’t mind being your plus-one for the end of the world.”

“I’m flattered.” He grins. “I shall be yours in return.”

“No strings attached?”

“All the strings attached. So many,” he exaggerates.

“No fair!”

Silence fills in the cracks. You stand side by side, drinking in Mostro Lounge’s upbeat atmosphere. After some time, you nudge him.

“Look at us, speaking about all of these sad things. It’s your birthday, not a funeral!”

He wonders if now’s a good time. Should he lighten the mood and confess? But wouldn’t that just make it even more serious and somber? Is there ever going to be an opportune moment?

You can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to.

Surprises. Spontaneity. Luck. All things left to chance. All things Azul attempts to anticipate. He thinks back on the many plans and what-ifs he calculated and wonders if it was worth it.

“(Name), I just wanted to say—” He stops himself, his fingers curling around the gift cradled in his arms. I love you and I want you in my life. I don’t want the world to end here with you and me. I want to know what lies beyond and experience it with you—the good and the bad. Everything. “I just wanted to thank you.”

For being my friend. For being yourself. For existing in the same world as me, even if it feels like we’re doomed to be islands apart.

“What’s this? Genuine thanks? Am I going to find an anemone on my head next?”

“That can be arranged. Isn’t it tradition to grant the person of the hour one birthday favor?”

“Hah! You wish!”

I do. I really do.

The party wears on into the night. Azul repeats the same mantra as before: I have time.

When he’s in his room, gifts piled high on his desk, he sits back in his seat and carefully unwraps yours. It’s a book, leather-bound and regal. It looks expensive. While attempting to approximate its value, he reads the title spelled out with alphabet stickers: My Azul. His brow furrows. Just what are you playing at here?

Cautiously, he opens the book to the first page. Your writing winks back at him: Happy birthday, Azul! This is my gift to you. It’s a chronological journal of your school life! :D People often say it’s difficult to picture themselves through the eyes of others, so I wanted to show you what I see every time I look at you. I hope you’ll never forget just how important you are. If you ever do, open this book to remind yourself.

With love always,

(Name).

“Curious,” he mumbles, flipping the page. The layout reminds him of a scrapbook. You’ve decorated it with stickers and patterned tape, scrawled words in different colored inks. There are two photographs—each from Azul’s second year. He’d forgotten about these. That time it snowed so much the students had a snowball fight in the courtyard. That time an alchemy accident (courtesy of Grim) led to Azul speaking in cat for the rest of the day.

In the center, a small blurb reads: My Azul is terrifyingly good at making snowballs within record time, just as he’s terrifyingly good at marketing them at all the right moments. My team was totally losing. Leave it to Azul to swoop in when he knows it’s advantageous… He’s intelligent and passionate. Even when mistakes occur, he works through them effortlessly. (Although it was nice having Catzul for a day!)

He rolls his eyes at that last bit.

The next page displays photos in much the same fashion. You’ve clearly put lots of effort and thought into each arrangement. Azul feels like he’s walking through a museum with every page. Like the first, the rest of the pages that follow include photographs of himself (some with others and some with you) and a short paragraph describing your observations.

His eyes are on the verge of a typhoon as he soaks in every sugared sentence.

My Azul is strong. My Azul is silly. My Azul has the best laugh. My Azul is great at bargaining. My Azul is awkward. My Azul is clumsy (in the best ways). My Azul is resourceful. My Azul makes the best study guides (thank you!!!!). My Azul is a hero. My Azul never gives up. My Azul is a talented mage. My Azul is…

All of these things he’s never heard anyone acknowledge before—have you always seen him in this way? Is this truly what he’s like through your eyes? He finds that hard to believe, and yet there he is on the page, winking at the camera or posing in an outfit from one of the many school trips he’s attended. You’ve added little comments and doodles in the margins and corners. Azul smiles as he reads them.

Noble Bell College sure was something! I’d like to visit again one day…

Vargas Camp was exhausting! I still can’t believe we survived.

Halloween! I want to experience it in the Coral Sea one day. But maybe just for one night. An endless Halloween is too much…

The ceremonial robes are very pretty. They’re so different from the uniforms in my world.

Happy Beans Day! Azul prepares all year for this. That level of commitment is impressive!

Azul reaches the end with watery eyes. He sniffles, so enveloped in a love he’s never felt from any friend before. You care. You truly, honestly care. It’s clear in each and every page—in the words you’ve written. You care about him.

The final page has a blank space the rough shape and size of a photograph. For some reason he understands what he’s meant to do. He slides the photograph you gave him all that time ago from his phone case and pastes it to the space. And then he reads what’s written below.

My Azul keeps all of these walls up in order to protect himself. He’s sensitive and self-conscious. He likes to uphold a perfect image at all times. He likes to keep his weaknesses hidden, his cards close. But then he’s also funny. He’s sincere and gentle. He’s sweet. He’s someone I admire from all sides, good and bad. Even when he’s scheming, even when he’s acting, he’s still Azul. My camera’s captured so many of his moments, which is very apparent now that you’ve made it to the end. But I’m happy to have documented these moments because they showcase everything that makes my Azul himself.

My Azul has never looked “positively dreadful” to my camera. Even on the days where he feels like nothing, my Azul is everything to me. I will always think so.

He’s crying. He can’t help it.

Azul sits there and he sobs.

He sobs until his throat is dry, until his eyes are blotchy and red. He sobs until he can’t anymore.

Holding the book close to his chest, he wonders how he ever managed to befriend someone like you.

An angel. That’s what you are.

An angelfish.

And he’s Azul. Your Azul.

iv. spring - but, baby, i’ll be there. yeah, baby, i’ll be there. it’s been a little hard. i’ve been a little tough. but maybe all along i’m afraid, i’m afraid, i’m afraid. i’m afraid, i’m afraid, i’m afraid.

The air is sweet with the scent of blossoming flowers, thick with pollen. Azul’s chest is light, swelling with excitement. A new chapter is about to begin. In just a few hours he’ll graduate along with the rest of his peers and then it’s off to start another story. For Azul, this is just a continuation of something already so prolific.

He strolls past The Great Seven, pausing briefly to admire the Sea Witch in all of her tentacular glory.

“With this weather, it’s almost difficult to imagine they called for rain.” Jade peers up at the sun, shielding its obtrusive rays with one hand.

“They’re always gettin’ it wrong,” Floyd says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “So annoying. I was hopin’ it’d rain and then they’d cancel.”

“Unlikely. There are always contingency plans put in place when it comes to an event as momentous as graduation.”

“Bleh. Lame. I wanna skip. I hate bein’ in those stuffy clothes, packed in close like a sardine.”

“If you’re absent, you won’t receive your diploma.”

“What a scam.”

Jade simply smiles. Ironic.

Azul turns around to look at them. “Four years… Gone in a blink. Will either of you miss it?”

“It was certainly enjoyable. I admit there are some aspects I’ll miss quite fiercely.”

“Guess it’ll be a bummer not seein’ everyone all the time. I’m gonna miss playing with Baby Seal and Shrimpy.”

“I’ll miss them, too.” Azul sighs. “(Name) especially…”

“You still haven’t told her?” Floyd raises a brow. “You’re gonna leave without sayin’ a word?”

“That does seem to be the plan,” Jade answers.

“I… I’ve thought it over.” He clears his throat. No time for waterworks. He needs to be in top shape if he’s to deliver the opening speech as Salutatorian. Riddle took first place, which wasn’t a shock to anyone. He always did say he’d make Valedictorian no matter what. Azul had been keen to fight him for it, even if it became clear he’d never surpass him. Second place is irksome, but it has its merits. Although he isn’t going to settle with just that! He’ll get first place one of these days. “We’re better off friends.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Is that enough?”

“Is what enough?”

“Her friendship.”

“It’ll have to be.” Azul’s gaze glazes over.

He’s run out of time, but maybe that’s okay. Maybe that was meant to be.

“Well, let’s not dwell on it any further!” He claps his hands and turns swiftly on his heel. “There’s still work to be done.”

Jade and Floyd exchange furtive glances. They know as well as he does that he’s lying.

But maybe that was also meant to be.

— — —

Crowley tasked you with snapping photos for NRC’s yearbook. “Because I am a paragon of magnanimity,” he said, “I am entrusting this very important task to you once more. Take lots of pictures! Don’t miss a single moment!”

You do just that, photographing the graduates as they wait in a room behind the stage, chattering eagerly amongst themselves. You raise your camera to document Azul when he stands at the podium to give his salutation speech. You do the same for Riddle when it’s his turn. The ceremony is grand, ballooning with emotion. You look on with a cheek-splitting smile, proud of every student who crosses the stage. It’s bittersweet. The friends you made when you were enrolled as a first year are now moving on in life.

Time flies. What a whirlwind year it’s been.

When it’s Azul’s turn and he goes down the line to shake the hands of his professors and Crowley, you wave at him from your place in the audience. He meets your eyes from where he stands, and he smiles.

Your camera catches that moment in perfect permanence.

By the end of it all, your face hurts from smiling, your throat sore from cheering, your hands raw from clapping. Grim grumbles at you to knock it off with the sun shower, your tears dampening his fur. You wipe your eyes and sniffle. “I’m happy for them. It’s a good day.”

He forces his head under your palm, allowing you to pet him and cry through it in peace. He doesn’t say anything. You don’t need him to.

While the graduates meet up with their family and friends, you make your rounds. Kalim introduces you to his parents and siblings—all thirty-something of them. You’re in a daze by the time introductions are finished, and Jamil leans over to whisper, “No need to commit everyone to memory.”

“Have you talked to Azul yet?” Kalim asks after everything has settled down.

You shake your head. “Why? What’s up?”

“Just wanted to ask. I know the Headmage wants you to take lots of pictures.”

“We shouldn’t keep you any longer than we already have,” Jamil adds with a curt nod.

You smile. “Congrats, both of you. Good luck.”

“We gotta keep in touch. Promise me you’ll call whenever you can. You’re always welcome to visit, too! Oh, I’ll go check with my parents now! I’m sure they’ll say yes!” Kalim bounds off in their direction.

“Just let me know well in advance. That way I can plan for proper accommodations,” Jamil says, following Kalim with sharp eyes.

“I’ll do that.” You turn to leave and then stop. “I hope you get your vacation one day, Jamil.”

He stares at you, mystified, before a gentle smile softens on his face. “One day,” he echoes. “I hope you’ll find your way home.”

“One day.”

The two of you share a final look before going your separate ways.

Surrounded in such an energetic environment, talking to and meeting families, you find yourself longing for your loved ones. So much time has passed. You wonder how they’re doing. Are they well? Are they worried?

“Aah, it’s Shrimpy!” Floyd crashes into you with so much force you nearly topple. He steadies you with a giggle. “Where’s Baby Seal?”

“Left to gorge on refreshments. Hey, since you’re here, can I get your picture?”

“Course you can.”

Detaching himself, he poses for you. You take a few photos, mirroring his good mood.

“Are your parents around?”

“Mhm!”

“Seriously? They came?”

“Course they did.”

“Did they take transformation potions?”

Floyd nods. “Pops does land business sometimes, so he’s used to it. Mama doesn’t leave home much. She’s real bad at walking on her feet.”

“Ah, got it.”

Floyd grins down at you. “You wanna meet ’em?”

“Maybe later… I’ve gotta keep taking photos.”

“I gotcha. Make sure to snap a few of Azul.”

“Right! Speaking of him, where is he? I’ve spoken to everyone but him.”

Floyd peers out across a sea of faces, scanning each one like a predator sizing up his next meal. “He’s avoidin’ ya.”

“What? Why?”

“Why don’tcha ask him when you see him? Bet he’ll have a fun answer for ya.”

You would, if only you could find him. As the afternoon wears on, you begin to lose hope. If he’s truly hiding from you, he’s doing a great job of it. After what feels like hours of walking in aimless circles, you take pause to consider the situation. If you were Azul and you wanted to hide away for a little while, where would you go?

To someplace familiar. To someplace comfortable. To someplace quiet.

He’s pacing in front of Ramshackle when you arrive. You open the gate and step through, taking each step one at a time. Once you’re within a close enough proximity, you make your presence known.

“Azul?”

He startles and whips around. As soon as he sees you, he lurches forward, intending to leave.

You block his path. “Hey, wait! What gives? I’ve been looking all over for you. Floyd told me you’re avoiding me.”

“Floyd doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“But I’m sure you do. So what’s up?”

“It’s…nothing. I merely wanted to tour campus one last time.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you say anything? I would’ve come with you!” You attempt to elbow him, but he side-steps you. “Uh, right…”

“Ah, sorry. I… Admittedly, there’s quite a lot on my mind.”

“I get it. Congrats, by the way. Your speech was really good.”

“I’m pleased you think so.”

This…isn’t Azul, you realize, a frown flickering on your face. At least not the Azul I usually see.

“I got to meet all of Kalim’s siblings.”

“Did you? All of them?”

“Every. Single. One. His family’s huge!”

An uncomfortable silence festers between the two of you. You glance at your camera and then at Azul.

“Can you believe that Crowley? He wanted me to take all of these pictures, but there were dozens of professionals who did it much better than me! What was even the point?”

“Terrible, isn’t it? A job as good as the one you do deserves proper payment.”

“Exactly! My services aren’t free.”

Azul smiles, a wistful gloss to his gaze. You can see the cogs turning behind his eyes—can see the calculation as it comes to fruition.

“You can cry. I won’t judge.”

“I’m not going to.”

“It’s fine. It’s normal, Azul.”

He inhales a deep breath, holds it for three seconds, and then releases. When he looks at you next, his expression is hard and riddled with subdued anxiety. A zephyr blows between you, rustling the leaves in the trees, raking through the grass, dragging wispy fingers through your clothes and hair. The quiet expands and stretches wide.

Azul opens his mouth, shuts it, and sighs. A forlorn resignation flits over his countenance.

“I—” he swallows hard and then it just bursts free, the admission he’s kept secret for so long— “I love you.”

Another breeze combs through the premises. Your gasp is swept away with it.

“I’ve loved you for two years. And I… I wanted to tell you so many times in the past, but I never could. I was scared and I ran away. I still am! The truth is that I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of messing up in front of you and looking like a fool. I’m afraid of showing you the parts of myself I hate most. I’m even afraid of that phrase—of saying it because it terrifies me to think, in some distant world, it might be reciprocated. But I have to say it, and I want you to know. Even if you don’t feel the same, I have to tell you.”

You gape at him, utterly speechless. The longer you do so, the more flustered he becomes.

“Y-You’re free to think it’s gross or weird. I understand I’m not the most ideal candidate, but I…” He wrings his hands, exhaling shakily. “I think you’re everything. My whole world.”

There are so many things you want to say. So, so many. But they’re all jumbled, carried along like flowers floating down a stream in spring. You close the gap, taking his hands in yours, and you kiss him.

Azul startles, squeaking against your lips. It takes a minute for him to find his rhythm, but soon he’s wilting against you, his body relaxed. You taste saliva and salt—tears. When you pull back, he’s crying.

“I think you’re the most ideal candidate. I’ve always thought so.” You cradle his cheek in a warm hand.

A sob trembles through him. “I never thought—you’re just so… I couldn’t have imagined…”

“That I’d like you?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” “Because…”

“I’ve always liked you, Azul. I’d never lie about that. Your birthday gift—those are my honest opinions.”

“Every one of them?”

“Each and every one.”

He sniffles weakly, drying his eyes with the heel of his palm.

Instinctively, you reach for your camera. And then you hesitate. You’ve always stood behind the protective lens of your trusty Ghost Camera, assuming the role of photographer in order to remain in his orbit. But now you’d like to try putting the camera aside and documenting Azul’s moments with your own two eyes.

He loves me.

You just manage to shut the front door before you’re pulling him flush against you. He presses you up against the wall in the foyer, a knee slotting between your legs. You melt in mutual merriment, grabbing at every part of him. Your uniform blouse is ripped open in a hurry. You try to handle his graduation robes with caution, appreciating expensive embroidery, but vehemence gets the better of you. It’s a wild rush. Hot and panting, you’re shuddering in carnal delight, every nerve alight. When he presses up against you next, half-dressed and hazy with an addictive adoration, you can feel the result of your exploratory touches straining for release.

“Upstairs,” you mumble against his mouth, sweating out of your skin.

You fall into bed as one, tangled around each other. Azul trails kisses up the expanse of your stomach, working you open on skillful fingers. You shiver beneath him, your heart pounding in your ribs.

“I love you.” A kiss to your belly.

“I love you.” A kiss to the valley of your breasts.

“I love you.” A kiss to your lips.

You love him just as intensely. 

He drags his fingers out next, admiring the slick coating them like it’s a valuable substance. You giggle, dizzy with delirium.

“Can I call you mine?”

You run your hands up and down his arms. “I’d like that.”

“Your boyfriend,” he murmurs, astonished. “I’m your boyfriend…”

“Mhm…” You sit up in bed and climb into his lap. Slowly, inch by inch, you lower yourself. He sucks in a breath through grit teeth. “And I’m—mmh—I’m your girlfriend.”

Azul whines into your mouth. His arms wrap around you to keep you firmly pinned to his body, and he bucks his hips up to meet you the rest of the way. Filled in such a way, connected so intimately, you breathe a satisfied sigh. You dig your nails into his shoulders. Every muscle slackens. It’s bliss, pure and perfect. The both of you mold to one another like sea meeting shore.

You grind down, chasing a mounting climax. “You’re the best—perfect. So perfect. Oh, I love you, Azul. I love you so much. I’ve always wanted to say it.”

He presses his forehead to yours. “You have no idea how fervently I’ve yearned for this—for you.”

You can’t possibly begin to imagine, but you can definitely relate. Weeks of silent pining, of hoping something might happen and you’d be able to confess without fear. Those days are behind you. Now you can know love in his arms and it isn’t so uncertain.

You lose yourselves in the sensations of sweet, soulful sex. He’s gentle like a spring breeze, dedicated like a devotee at your altar. You’re much the same, your moans just as plentiful. Just as loud. You’re wrapped in wonder when you look into his eyes and find the same amount of love reflected back.

I’m so happy I met you.

When he cums, he digs his fingers into your hips to drag you down and bury himself deeper inside. You unravel shortly after, your orgasm coaxed out by a few attentive massages to your clit. Your bodies, sticky and sweaty, stay connected even after you’ve come down from the clouds.

“Had I known, I would’ve said something sooner.” After catching his breath, Azul rests his head in the crook of your neck. “I regret it.”

“I don’t. Things happen when they happen.” You run your fingers through the tangled, silvery strands of his hair. It’s soft just like him. He leans into your touch and hums appreciatively. “I’m glad it happened when it did.”

“I’m glad I could say it. It would’ve eaten me alive if I’d left without telling you.”

“And are you still afraid?”

Azul places his hand over yours. “No, not anymore. The world ahead looks much clearer now.”

“Am I in it?”

He laughs. “More than that.”

“Oh?”

“You are my world.”

[queenofallimagines]

Blue lock NSFW HCs

A/n: so since I’ve let this anime take over my life completely I feel I’m overqualified to give better hcs and since I don’t have a specific scenario in this is general headcanons💕 (pls request blue lock I have brainworms)

Blue lock:

- off the bat isagi telling us he has a thigh fetish is so real it me he keeps his hands on your thigh at all times

- Really one hand on the steering wheel the other just barely in your pants fingering you

- They all kinda got that sauce in ‘em yk?

- Isagi can say “pretty thing” or “sweetness” in that low ass voice and it will have you on your knees

- NAGI CALLING YOU PRETTY

- Idk WHERE that shit came form but every fic he just calls you pretty and that’s def canon that man is 6”3 so hear me out

- This big ass man who’s usually lazy and barely paying attention putting in that work on you, keeping you pressed into the bed with his full body weight

- Mumbling in your ear in his monotone voice that’s just one octave lover

- “Cmon pretty, gunna come f’me?” he’s looking at you with his egoist eyes

- Will have you in between him and Reo

- Sorry but that’s just as canon as bachira and isagi it’s gunna happen at LEAST once

- Seishiro can run with the best of them w that ego too like he says he’s a pacifist but he’s squared up first on someone like 4 times😭

- He Probably offhandedly mentions something about you in convo with Reo and you’re done for

- They’re like gaming or something and you walk into the room

- “I’ll prove it- hey come here for a sec” and now all of a sudden you’re seated in between his delicious thighs being fingered open by nagi in front of Reo like he’s giving a tutorial😭

- I see y’all’s saying Reo would do that for inexperienced nagi but I raise you that Reo only has casual flings and has been intimate with nagi so he’s not used to their duo being a trio

- Nagi spreading your legs keeping them wide open for Reo to see everything while he leans over your shoulder and makes sure he’s focused on what he’s doing

- Something something good with his givers because gamer

- He’s working you open with his huge fingers almost unbothered by the fact that your squirming and grabbing at his arm

- Reo is a little flustered but he’s def paying attention

- They’re acting like they’re talking about the weather like you not gushing all over his fingers

- Makes you cum like three times this way before he says “Reo is pretty good with his tongue, can he have a taste too?”

- Nagi and his crazy stamina will not let you rest!

- RIN! My beloved baby boy!

- He’s a FREAK like freaky NASTY and mean about it too!

- Little slow on the uptake but once you really start learning about each other he’s working out all his frustrations on you

- Not very emotive but he’s blunt so he will make his feelings perfectly clear

- Brat tamer by default bc you push his buttons

- “Keep that same energy when I get you alone”

- Fucks you in the locker rooms

- Likes you wearing his jersey while he does it

- Had hella pictures and videos of it too that you don’t remember him taking😭

- Keep him company on his long away games💕

- Everyone knows he’s having good sex bc he has scratch marks all over his back and dares someone to say shit about them

- Since like every single one of his dispositions is bc of Sae you have to be patient with him

- The itoshi issue is that they will have conflicts in their head, decide what YOU are gunna say and make choices silently based off that

- Like bitch if you don’t TALK TO ME??

- Rin will not start the convo and avoid you in a fight bc in his mind he fucked up and you never want to see him again but like did I say that??

- You gotta go to him and be like say what the fuck you’re thinking :/

- Both the itoshi brothers are rough

- Rin will use his insane stamina to fuck you right to sleep like he’s trying to watch a game stop playing w him

- Probably end up fucking you with or in-front of isagi

- One thing about Rin Itoshi is that he has something to prove always

- Sae and shidou you already know lmao

- My favs?? Come the fuck ON they have nasty ass sex daily

- Sae count your fucking days bc imma best your ass 😐

- However,,, the dynamic between him and Ryusei is too tasty to ignore

- Sae and his butt fetish will usually do anal if you’re taking both of them at once

- His dick is really pretty you and shidou have full length discussions about it and he is TIRED

- Sae likes to think he has you two on a leash and for the most part he kinda does

- But you might as well be on demon time too bc once you and Ryusei tag them

- Him??

- The great cold and calculated Sae Itoshi the gem of Japan will be a whiny little Bitch

- Likes to piss you off so you’ll be rough with him and Shidou right there with you

- You’re both fed up with his shit so you decide to punish him

- You edging him while Ryu fucks him mercilessly

- Imagine you’re riding him reverse cowgirl and shidou is fucking him so hard and deep he can’t breathe

- You two doing that whole outwardly ignoring him kissing while he wants you to pay attention to him clawing at your lower back and hips

- Moaning out “sorry” and babbling nonsense

- Cums a lot and it’s thick in consistency

- Whimpers when you and shidou taste him on each other and he can’t kiss either of you

- Tears steaming down his face while he struggles to keep his eyes from rolling back and can barely even say what he wants because he’s moaning so much

- Aftercare is so cute bc you both clean him up and give him as many kisses as he wants

- That really fixes his attitude LMAO

- Isagi can get pretty try mean too you trigger that ego and he’s just as ruthless as he is in the field

- “You think I’m gunna let you cum after you spent all day on my nerves? Be serious”

- He’s big on eye contact

- Will sit back in a chair and stare at you as he makes you ride him with no help

- “Go on, you wanted it, ain’t you?”

- Spanks you hard

- Chigiri hyoma is HUNG

- like oh my god pretty face huge dick

- People paint him as like corset when he’s like really mild mannered and mean? Lmao his egoist profile even says he’s mean

- He’s blunt and says exactly what he means

- If “okay?? AND??” Was a person😭

- Will get choked up if you kiss the scar on his knee when you go down on him

- “Cmon you can take more than that can’t you?”

- He can go fast but likes going slow and deep

- Really savor the moment

- Wants to feel every second of you going up and down his dick

- Meanie!!

- “You’re creaming around me already and I’ve barely made it all the way in”

- Preps you really good before hand too that’s like mandatory even if you’re ready he’s going to have you cum on his tongue or fingers first

- Gets pussy drunk a lot and ends up fucking himself into overstimulation

- Liked his hair pulled on

- Barou? Whew the king definitely deserves that title!

- A big fan of slow and deep like Chigiri

- Will make you face him as he fucks up into you

- “Quit wining and take it, you’re the one who kept begging for me to fuck you all day”

- Will clean the sheets fully after sex like lmao he’s changing the whole bed

- Let’s see hiori too! People like to say the self proclaimed “ultra sadist” as like just a bottom all the time

- He’s more mean and doesn’t care about it

- “Ow! That kinda hurt!”

- “Hm? Good”

- Big fan of face fucking

- Shidou alone is very baby

- I’m his defense lawyer yall like he’s an aquifer taste so you can not like him

- But that’s your fault and a skill issue💅🏿✨

- He’s the unhinged very soon of isagi very emotionally intelligent and can read a room

- He simply does not CARE about others

- Very ‘if people are going to isolate me then I’ll push them away’ vibes

- Like he rly has a connection w the whole cast minus rin and kunigami

- If he hadn’t took a kick at isagi him and bachira would be besties!🥺

- They understand the same type of loneliness

- Back to the horny

- He will split you open on his cock any time of the day

- He’s very god at anatomy and chemistry like look at how tf he talks

- HES LITERALLY A STRAIGHT A STUDENT!

- Has a breeding kink in canon

- “If you keep my cum inside you for the whole game I’ll eat it out of you when we win”

- Cock bastard also

- Rin def walked in on you two once and it haunts him

- Seeing your face utterly fucked out not caring that you’re both locking eyes while shidou who’s blissfully unaware keeps bullying his fat cock into you against the lockers🤭

- He can’t look you in the face for like a month lol

- Chigiri like pegging and kunigami can suck dick rly well

- Don’t ask me how ik I just KNOW Mr. Bisexual representation has had a relationship with a guy who he was intimate with

- Bachira likes to paint your face white

- Loved seeing you with his cum on your face

- Won’t tell you he’s close when you suck him off on purpose sometimes

- “Oops, my bad! You do look pretty like this tho☺️” be so the fuck fr

[after-witch]

Horrorfest: It Knows Not How it Sounds [Yandere Vampire Chrollo x Reader]

Title: It Knows Not How it Sounds [Yandere Vampire Chrollo x Reader]

Synopsis: He's going to kill you--and this is how you react? Curious, curious, curious.

For Horrorfest request:

Vampire! Chrollo could be interesting? He fits the image of a vampire well, with his inclusion of religious imagery, goth aesthetic and his personal search for his self (his “soul“). Perhaps he becomes interested in one of his would-be meals, being attracted to their humanity and their perspective on his vampirism (maybe them seeing it as a curse, not a boon)

Word count: 1565

notes: yandere, vampire, some descriptions of blood, mild wounds, dying; Chrollo is a pretentious asshole even as a vampire

Humans are so very interesting. And so very predictable.

Chrollo Lucilfer knew the first truth at an early age. He has learned the second truth over the years, the decades, and then the centuries. 

For instance, humans always seek comfort. That is certain, whether they are rich or poor, old or young, beautiful or ugly. They want to be held and warm and fed; they want someone to comfort them when they cry; they want to be told that, in the end, things will be alright.

This is true even for the humans that he kills, for so often in their last moments, they cling to him, desperate, wanting him to be their savior even as he is the one draining their blood. 

Therefore, it does not surprise him too terribly when your shaking arm reaches up for his face; when your increasingly exhausted expression takes in the sight of him, eyes wide, looking for kinship or absolution or someone to tell you it will be just fine.

It takes his victims some time to really comprehend what is happening, after all.

It is usually at this point that (if they haven’t already--not everyone is so slow on the uptake) they realize what he is--vampire--and he goes back to lapping at his victim’s blood, enjoying the way their muddled dying thoughts are spiked with a renewed bright acidic terror. 

The taste is not his only reward. There is the entertainment, as well. The thoughts of the dying. 

The thoughts come to him like moving pictures, flashes; not only visuals but sometimes words. Monster. Him, covered in blood. I don’t want to die. Lovers, children, things left unsaid. Mother. This word, so common, most often paired with the foggy memory of a chubby hand held in a larger one.

Your eyes widen after a moment and ah, there it is. Like a clock. “Vampire,” you mouth, lips that were perhaps once rose-red now growing paler, the more he blood he takes from you. 

“Yes,” he breathes, and you make the softest of sounds when he nudges your head back with his hands, giving him access to the open, bruised weeping puncture wounds he’d created earlier. Your blood still flows freely enough, and he laps at the edges before he begins to suck from the wounds. 

He wonders how he must look from your eyes, though he may see it soon enough. His pale skin and dark hair. The fangs jutting from his mouth. The blood on his lips. Even his clothing, silken black with delicate lace. A storybook vampire, he supposes; all that’s missing is the smell of dirt and decay, though that is perhaps a stench better left to his more unhinged colleagues than his own delicate scent of roses and musk; purloined perfume bottles were easy to come by when you could simply kill the ones who set them on varnished bureaus. 

But what pulses through his mind is not pure abject horror at the sight of him or fleeting, terrified thoughts of a life that will be incomplete.

Instead, it’s something that startles him so fiercely that he yanks himself away from your neck:

Pity.

Pity, pity, pity. For him--for him! 

A warm almost sour sensation lingers behind on his teeth, and he licks it away. He has never, in his centuries of killing, been… pitied. 

Your head rolls a little to the side, eyelids drooping, but you gain enough awareness to realize that he’s no longer feeding on you. Your voice is a soft croak when you do speak, words spoken as if you don’t understand why you’re even permitted to say them at all. You should, after all, be dead. 

“Why did you stop?”

He considers you for a moment. He keeps a grip on your shoulders--you might just fall, if he lets go--and makes you face him. Finally, he mirrors your question. But only to satisfy his curiosity, or so he tells himself. 

“Why do you pity me?”

Your eyes widen again, but this time not in the realization of the monster before you. You likely don’t know how he felt your pity. He doesn’t care to explain it to you, either, and after a few moments you furrow your eyebrows.

If he weren’t feeding on you, it might be a cute expression. Perhaps it still is; even lambs to the slaughter can have their charms.

“You’re…” You swallow. “You’re a vampire,” you say. But that usual horror is replaced with something else, something Chrollo wants to stick his finger into and pull out so he can see it more fully. Pity, yes yes, but something more. What is it? And why do you feel it so strongly that he couldn’t stand the shock of it?

When he doesn’t respond, you continue. 

“You have to kill people to survive.”

He snorts. 

“That’s never given me pause before.”

And oh, the way you look at him is absolutely beautiful. Your eyes glisten with tears--not from the pain, surely, but for him?--and your lips, nearly colorless though they are, curl into a pretty pout. 

“But it should, and I’m so sorry it doesn’t.” 

You wince, the shock perhaps ebbing away, letting you feel the pain of your ripped flesh more fully than most of his victims have time to do. But you don’t even press your hands to the wound, and he likes you better for it.

But still. You pity him because he’s a killer? What a waste of the emotion. 

“I have lived for centuries,” he tells you, speaking as if to a child, learning lessons at a father’s knee. “I have seen things your mortal mind could not comprehend. I have seen kingdoms rise and fall, seen civilizations turn to dust.”

He can practically see the cogs in the clock of your mind turning. Perhaps you will be one of those who foolishly asks him for the gift. He has rarely given it, and he wouldn’t give it to you; but he wouldn’t tear you apart for the audacity as he has some others. Your death would be merciful, calm--you’ve earned that. 

But when you speak again, you don’t ask him to make you into a vampire.

“But you must be so lonely.” Your words are sudden, fast. Perhaps you don’t realize you’ve said them until it’s too late to wonder if you’re being too presumptuous, because you stumble over your next words. Or perhaps you’re just that emotional over the thought of him, and wouldn’t that be a delightful novelty?

“Everyone around you dies… your-your family. Friends.” You shake your head, blinking as a few tears finally do drop from your eyes. “You can’t live a normal life… you can’t go out in the sun.” You look up, as if you’re imagining the warm feel of it on your skin.

It’s a sensation he has long since forgotten, but to you it must be as normal as breathing. “I-I can’t imagine how sad that must be. To never be truly warm. To not see the flowers reaching up to the sky or see the grass in the morning, all green and dewy.”

Your arms, no longer trembling, wrap around your chest. 

“I just…” You don’t look at him when you say these last words, but you don’t really need to, do you? Not with the way your voice is choked with emotion, the way tears fall so prettily from your eyes. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you.” 

You are a wonder, truly. Bleeding from the neck, no doubt light headed from blood loss, in the face of a nocturnal creature who moments ago was draining the life from your body… and you apologize to him?

When you live for centuries, you often lose the ability to be surprised. But here is that sensation, now queer, once again. And all because you happened to take an unfortunate shortcut through the park on this night, making yourself easy prey for him to pull into a darkened alley and feast. 

Now, though, he finds his hunger satiated. Or at least satiated until he finds another victim. Someone less worthy to stay alive than yourself, of course. 

After some consideration, he leans backward, and releases his grip on you. His hands ache for the warmth of your skin underneath him, and not for the usual voracious reasons. 

Yet another curiosity to add to his growing list. 

You look at him like he’s lost his mind. Maybe he has. 

“Aren’t you going to kill me?”

Perhaps, if he weren’t who he was, he might feel it too--this feeling of pity. Because you have no idea what he intends to do, and what it will mean for him to keep you alive now. 

You have no sense of the impulsive need that has rooted itself in his brain, a need he hasn’t felt since he was a young fledgling of a vampire. He wants to know you; know what you think and why you think it.

What life has created you so earnestly that you can feel genuine sympathy for a creature like him? Have you known hardship, and it was an impulse to sympathize? Or has your life been so unmarred by difficulty that the pty came easily to you, pure, sweet thing? 

The most important question of all, he thinks, as he pulls you closer to him and shushes the soft sounds you make--

Will you continue to pity him once he has taken you for his own? 

[hunn1e-bunn1e]

Gojo Satoru - "Harajuku Street Food"

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

In which a certain special-grade jujutsu sorcerer stops at a street vendor's stall that catches his attention with its heavenly scent and leaves with more than just a few purchased snacks. Or; In which when buying some snacks before meeting his three first-year students, Gojo Satoru successfully acquires the number of the cute vendor that runs the stall.

                                                                                                   

🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢

"Hey there!"

A smooth but playful voice called, drawing your attention from the portable skillet in front of you.

Looking up, you're met with a very tall man with white hair, a customer surely. However, your attention is drawn to his face, or rather, to the black blindfold that covered his eyes and forehead. Even if you couldn't see half of his face, you could still tell that he was quite handsome.

Suddenly though, a hand appears in front of your eyes and snaps a few times, breaking you from your observation. The man had leaned forward while you were distracted, his face only inches away from your own now, his nose nearly touching your own.

"Ah! S‐sorry sir! Um, what would you like? There's a wide selection of goods to choose from."

You flinch backward, quickly trying to correct your unprofessional behavior by offering the man the usual customer greeting.

The blindfolded man lets out an attractive chuckle as he places a hand on his hip; you swear you could hear him mutter a quiet 'cute'. He then turns his attention to the medium-sized menu card that you had sat to the side; perusing his options. Though it seems like he didn't need to look long as he quickly turned his attention back to you.

"Right, I'll take everything."

He spoke with a curt nod, his voice still playful but with an underlying seriousness.

You stare at him for a while; unable to process quite what he meant. What did he mean by everything? One of everything or literally everything?

"Uh... One of everything?"

You asked him cautiously, becoming nervous at the thought of having your stall picked clean so early on in the day.

The man tilts his head at you, his smile shrinking a bit, and you can only assume that he must think that you're a bit slow on the uptake. But just as quickly as it shrunk, his smile grew wide again and his chipper attitude presented itself even more prominently.

"Nope! Everything you've got! Oh, I'll take your number too while I'm at it!"

He chirped, loosely crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned forward slightly, towering over you.

You feel your face heat up at his words; you've never met someone so bold before. Quickly, you turn around and bag up all of the inventory you have so far today. Ending up with six bags, you pull out a pen and turn back to him, seeing him leaning on the stall counter.

"Here you are sir; your total is ¥59,610.80. Both cash and card are acceptable."

You told him as you handed him his bags; gently grabbing one of his wrists.

The man tilts his head again, seemingly forgetting his earlier flirt, but you only lift the pen that you had grabbed. Pulling his wrist toward you, you write your number down on the heel of his palm; face warming even further at the fact that you're committing to it.

"M‐my number, you asked for it earlier so..."

You stuttered, looking away from him in embarrassment.

He chuckles, standing up to his full height and putting his free hand in his pocket. An attractive smirk spreads across his face as he turns to leave.

"I'll definitely call you some time, you're too cute~"

🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡•♡•🍢•♡•🍡

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

Wanna see similar content? Check out my Masterlist!

[jessconsumesmedia]

Finally have the time and energy to have a long rambly spiel about new ghosts episode (might go back and just talk about my thoughts on the rest of season four but for right now y’all are getting thoughts on 4x06!

Spoilers and a lot of rambling below the cut :)

OKAY this episode genuinely got me. I am a huge Trevor softie and an even bigger H-money enjoyer. So when I get crumbs let me tell you I will run with them. I also just enjoyed all of this episode. The A plot with Issac being a slut for sandwiches. (Which he technically said he didn’t like them but who writes that much about something they hate?) The B plot with darling Trevor being a little wet puppy. (also me too) And the secret C plot which was just the minuscule h$ moments. (delusion)

The two real plots were genuinely silly and lovely and heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time.

I will actually talk about them for real now

A Plot - Issac’s Journal

I do genuinely like the bit that it was literally just his sandwich journal and then the whole vampire thing. It’s just funny plain and simple. That being said I do get why some people were kinda iffy on the idea of Issac’s biography being turned into a vampire novel. Depending on how the season continues it could turn into a dumb joke. But l really like the whole vampirism is the counterpart to him being very gay. Like not only is it a 21 minute long episode there is only so much you can do on network television but it actually leaves a lot open possibility wise. It being just another biography may not have been a huge selling point. (I do not know the actual logistics but I don’t know a lot of people who just pick up books on founding fathers so) Vampire books however, that is a selling point, and then you bring in that it is Issac’s story, that is interesting! (Even to me and I am not a fan of vampire stuff) Plus I saw something that said that it could say inspired by his real story and people love a little digging when it doesn’t feel like a history lesson. But Idk how I feel about this whole plot lands on the fact that I think it was really silly and also it opens good doors.

B Plot - Escarghost/Shelly

I endlessly love this story. Like genuinely it tugs in my heartstrings wayyy too hard. Like you’re telling me this darling little morally ambiguous snail shows up (no telling how long he’s been slowly putting around) and becomes a pet for our beloved ghosts. And Trevor acts like he hates pets until poor Thor gets berated and he feels the need to confess that he actually loves pets and then he gets attached and he tells Alberta and Hetty that he feels guilty that he never came home to his dog (i will cry just thinking about it) and then they comfort him and then the snail gets sucked off because all he needed was for someone to call him a good boy like I will go be sad about my pets now thanks. Like that is just a summary basically but it is all I can say about the little guys.

Hetty side-eying Flower for being Flower

And finally

H- Money

I am firmly in the boat that says they are learning the whole friend thing before they can get back into the actual relationship thing. Like they both don’t actually know how relationships work so they need a bit to like actually get a grip. Plus they are both still kinda full of themselves in their own respective ways. Trevor is much quicker on the uptake but it would stand to reason that he would fall first and then somehow manage to get a hold of his feelings and Hetty just be like way over there sitting on a washing machine. They could be slow going. BUTTT Those two are consistently doing things that is like Domestic but only in a Trevor and Hetty way. And what I mean but that is like they have that comfort around each other that they seemed to have at the very beginning of the series but now it is heightened or at least played into (we all know Rebecca and Asher are the biggest h$ supporters) and it is very specific and well done. I saw something not to long ago that I thought was cool and it was like they are kinda like the Monica and Chandler but ghosts. And that spoke to me because not only is Friends my forever love it also is just pretty similar. Like in Friends Monica and Chandler are so domestic immediately in the show like first season they say they’ll get married if they don’t meet anyone else and they are both a bit emotionally stilted much like h$ so idk but I like that dynamic they have. I so digress but they mean so much to me those silly guys who don’t understand how feelings work.

(I reference multiple other posts and random tweets I am so sorry I have literally no clue who said what)

And I’ll end with yes Jay is a wife guy I’ve been saying that for months and now Pete is speaking Jay’s truth and his former? truth (boo carol with love and contempt)

-Jess💖

[lxmelle]

Sometimes people interpret Gojo’s “chasing after Geto” and the theme of “love” adopted from Yorozu as signs of Gojo trying to find love with Sukuna.

It is true they had fun and Gojo had an all-out battle, I think it was more of Gojo being true to Gojo: It was an extension of chasing Geto.

I say this with moderately reserved conviction because his Character Book pretty much confirms that there is no one particularly significant besides Geto. There is literally Geto everywhere. Everywhere. Some people on X were joking that Geto’s position in the relationship chart is comparable to a “wife’s position” and asking, “is this a Geto Suguru character book?”

In terms of preferences, too:

Even the preference for dogs - seems to point towards being due to Geto. Not a dog from Megumi’s ten shadows’ divine dogs. The picture shown was a dog Gojo never even canonically met. Linked to a person he also did not canonically meet.

I was probably slow on the uptake, but I only recently realised that Takeru (the dog) in that scene was actually Geto - mistakenly assumed by the old man, leading to his easy defeat.

What sorcery it was, we have no idea. The only best friend thing also seemed like a Gojo & Geto parallel.

Anyway. In this sense, Geto was Gojo’s Takeru. Seeing Geto got him sealed in the prison realm. Uhm, yeah. And it’s true that Gojo is said by Gege to seem more cat-like, being “pretty” and a little solitary, but is someone who likely prefers dogs, Gege thinks, so we can see how he has changed to become more of a dog person - even in characteristics, after Geto’s influence who had lived for others rather than for itself (as what a cat might do). Or, it could be that he just prefers dogs because Geto was once mistaken as a dog. Lol.

The beach - this is also something related to Geto. (The sheltered Gojo probably didn’t have much time to do leisurely stuff. We end up liking places based on experiences we had, and the best experiences he had were with Geto. Naturally, he loves the beach due to Okinawa.)

And the last Q pictured in the image above says Gojo changed after Geto left in that he became more responsible for the next generation. Killing the higher-ups was also related especially after what happened during his time in the prison realm. Not killing them before was related to Geto - he had committed to not killing without a strong meaning/purpose. So when strategy and meaning/purpose aligned, Gojo “chased after” Geto who had “left him behind” because he couldn’t afford to walk that moral path any longer - for the future generation of sorcerers that he and Geto fought so hard to protect with their literal blood sweat and tears. And Gojo never had a real moral issue with killing.

So yes. Doesn’t it just make sense that Gojo approached Sukuna’s fight with two motives - one for himself and one for Geto? To have an all out brawl that his monstrous side desires (I’ve said it before: it would be soooo unfulfilling to never ever find someone you can go all out with. Like, forced to walk when you were born to sprint?!?) and to reach him with compassion/empathy as was shown to him by no other than Geto (who was very much a part of him)? Gojo was far too single-minded to want a new lover. C’mon. Give the yearner some credit. Gojo really was loyal to the core… he felt left behind for years and the character song for Geto was literally Gojo saying he wanted Geto to return to him somehow before it was too late.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again... the place of a partner, cannot be replaced by that of others who are in the category of children, students, or even friends - especially if you have shared a connection so deep that you consider that person a special, “one and only” irreplaceable being.

Megumi has also mutually not placed Gojo as someone particularly special to him. It is really a relationship that is not more than their sensei. I’d be highly disturbed if my sensei or teacher of any capacity loved me to the degree of some of the headcanons out there. Sorry to say. If that is your fantasy, or a form of an AU - that’s ok - I just see it as not canon. That is all. The facts, signs and evidence just … plain & simply are not there. Gojo cared in the capacity of being a teacher. That is it. Some of the unfinished business he had in 236 was carried over from the HI arc and regarding his personal philosophy over death.

So yes, Gojo understood Sukuna as a monster who knew strength & isolation. But his battle and other desire to teach / reach him was another extension of catching up.

So, rather than trying to find a new “love” with Sukuna, I see it as an ultimate form of growth & character development for Gojo - he was changed and felt the empathy that Geto showed him & tried to teach it to someone else who was similarly, stronger than him (as Gojo was to Geto).

And of course Gojo did get a kick out of the battle and to be acknowledged by a peer (as a monster). Imagine you’re Serena Williams and you have to accept just being fulfilled by your husband and never play tennis? Some things are just separate. The fulfilment Gojo gained was not necessarily related to Geto. Just like how following his principles down his dark path had to be done on his own for Geto. It had no bearing on his love for Gojo. And vice versa.

Nevertheless, it seems apt that it was within Gojo to find the desire to resolve two halves of himself through the battle. His loneliness wasn’t quite the same as Sukuna’s I think. Especially since Gojo knew love and companionship.

I think Gojo matured rather well. Or at least, I headcanon that Geto would say so.

The lesson that Sukuna needed to learn is not comparable to that between Gojo & Geto, therefore it wasn’t something Gojo could teach alone. Sukuna had no backstory tied to Gojo and it wasn’t like Gojo was trying to do that with him. Otherwise Gojo would have that afterlife “talk” with Sukuna, rather than his soul heading straight for Geto. Even if it was a delusion, are you telling me that him dreaming of Geto to comfort himself isn’t significant enough to tell us something? Sob 😭

The rest is for Yuji & everyone to forge the revision of the jujutsu world. Yuji is the one with the relationship with both Sukuna and his vessel, Megumi.

Keep calm and carry on the good work, Yuji... Hang in there Megumi.

[slavhew]

murdoc for character opinions

god. murdoc. im admittedly not deep in enough to hard assess my opinions from 2018 vs now, but let's give a quick run through.

i love murdoc. but he's also hard to talk about. so i think its best to jump forward to what i find most compelling about him: it's someone's capacity to grow and change even relatively late in life.

He has a start in life that, speeding over all of THAT, leaves him a very vapid, self centered and cruel person by the time the band becomes a thing. Bit by bit, tooth by pulled tooth, he learns to see things differently.

And this is where that "canon isn't real if i dont look at it"- the continued existence of gorillaz's storyline depends on there being an antagonist, and that is historically Murdoc's role. So a lot of that development will get retconned, glossed over, etc. I don't really blame JH for that anymore, that's just how these things often go with properties that have this kind of extended shelf life.

Murdoc is a person that distills all his hurt into anger, excuses his loneliness as being "by choice" and buries trauma under ego, posturing and hypersexual behavior. But as it is when you form bonds with people, tentative as they might be, they change you. Phase 3 is the climax of this, and phase 6 was both the """final""" relapse of his bad tendencies (post TNN cough) and the end of his arc with The Lost Chord.

THAT ALL BEING SAID, he's silly to me. I count all the material of him being Oddly Polite or giggly as canon whether it's Phil Cornwell breaking character or not.

Murdoc has two faces: one for the paps, and another for the fans. One crude and attention seeking, and a softer more relaxed one for when he ACTUALLY gets to discuss his interests and the music he makes. He plays the media like a fiddle, since having eyes on him is an old skill he's long since mastered.

My possible divergences from fanon at large? I haven't been in touch lately, but I remember some interpretations being popular that I disagree with, so I'll just state my takes:

He's not iredeemable or stupid or remorseless, he grows to care about his bandmates very early on but is VERY slow on the uptake of identifying that affection, and he's much smarter than he lets on. Also no beef to people who ship 2doc but man it is just not my cup of tea. They're coworkers slash fffrriiienndsss?? who needle each other constantly.

AS FOR HEADCANONS: very simple.

A lot of his stunts in the public eye are coordinated- when he said he refuses to get on the stage on other people's terms, this includes the paps. If he's going to be hated, he might as well do that with intention and style

That being said, it's also a self-made excuse to be a debaucherous asshole as well as how he justifies the overindulgence to himself.

Selling his soul had progressive effects on his appearance

green skin, pointy ears, pointier teeth. he used to wear a red contact. he doesn't have to anymore!

the red eyes would be bilateral but in phase 5 the eye injury resulted in anisocoria- bowie-esque. He isn't sure if this is another manifestation of his deal for musical success, or karma.

because of his reduced vision and MULTIPLE stints in prison he is jumpier than ever

he has an unibrow! the fringe hides it because it grows back too fast, and murdoc is vain.

he used to have a fuller face, but as of phase 2 the stardom (drugs, poor self-care) started affecting his appearance. Phase 3 was even more brutal in terms of this. by the time phase 4 rolled around and he got clean, the buccal fat was gone for good, courtesy of plain aging!

short, skinny and not in the healthy way. again, phase 1-2 sees him develop a beer gut under xylophone ribs, phase 3 he's at his worst health-wise. Phase 4 and 6 see him put some real padding on, finally. (5 is a step back due to incarceration)

phase 5 issss fiiiineee... but i prefer respect-false-iconz (aka ezracaution)'s canon divergent exploration of it, The Code

lastly: projection? brother that's the bisexuality, shortness, edginess for show and anger issues. that's just text.

[beanghostprincess]

I don’t have many Op friends I can talk about this with but one of my top ship tropes is when it’s established that Luffy is slow on the uptake regarding people’s relationships and even HE knows someone is in love and pining. Like, to make a point at how utterly obvious it is. Sanji cuts food for Usopp into little bite sized pieces? Luffy just asks him something that indicates Sanji and Usopp are in a relationship and the cook almost chokes. Nami tries to write a letter and is getting visibly frustrated at not finding the right words and he just looks over her shoulder like „Say Vivi I said hi!“. He witnessed Shank and Buggy finally meeting at laughtale and there is just a bunch of „I WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED YOU!“ „I never wanted you to leave!“ „YOU WERE A COWARD!“ „Why does that matter now?!“ „BECAUSE I ALMOST GAVE UP MY DREAM FOR YOU!“ and Luffy just looks at this insane display in front of him while his idol does a homoerotic sword vs dagger fight with a clown and just „Are you seeing this shit Zoro?“ like… congrats . You’re being such a lovesick idiot even Luffy is like „Damn bitch you got it bad“

Honestly, this is extremely in character and pretty much not far from the truth. Luffy, despite being a dumbass, is a very perceptive person when it comes to people's feelings. One of his best traits as a main character is that he's empathetic to the point of knowing how people feel or what they want without needing to know the background or the rest of the story. I actually hate when the fanon perception of Luffy gets simplified to "he's an idiot" because yeah, he might be reckless and stupid and he's very silly, but he's emotionally mature to a sickening extent. Savior complex much? (Not that he wants to be a hero, god forbid, he would hate that. I just mean that his constant need to save everyone so nobody he cares about dies on him or gets hurt again has made him really aware of his surroundings and people's feelings). And, well, tbh he has always been like that. Very honest and perceptive, I mean. He might be a bit slow when catching up to some things and he might not know why people feel what they feel sometimes, but he knows what they're feeling. Get me? Like he might be aware of Nami being mad at him, for example, and not knowing why, but being aware that he has to do something to change that.

What I want to say with all of this is that Luffy noticing romance within the crew is extremely canon because he knows how his friends act, and if he notices changes in a person towards someone else, he might be stupid but he's not that oblivious. Like, he knows something's up. And to him the whole concept of pining is so stupid because if you feel something, just let the other person know! But then again, his relationship with Zoro is just different from that, and not everyone can have a devoted long-term marriage without saying a word.

And his reaction towards people pining would be hilarious because the guy would be exhausted from the crew having crushes and not doing anything. A Sanuso trope I love is Luffy going to Usopp like "Hey, confess already because Sanji has been distracted lately, and if he stops cooking because he is sad and pining for you I will be very mad" and he says shit like this and goes away and leaves Usopp alone with that information as if it was the most obvious and normal thing to do. But, you know, Luffy gets things done around here, at least.

[nian-7]

HEYYYYY IT'S ME OF COURSE! Anywho, I assume you know who I'm gonna ask for, my lovely Husband<333 Jouno<333333 and Tachihara because he's the shared husband<333 anyway uhhh so can I request Tachihara and Jouno with a Reader that's like kinda oblivious and always misses things, like um comments and things just kinda fly over there head a lot, like me in every conversation we have ever had :D K, THANKKSSSS<33

HI EVE!! PLEASE ENJOY (get jouno OUT!!)

Jouno, Tachihara, Tecchou x gn!reader

✧oblivious reader

✧fluff

-Jouno is visibly annoyed when you look at him with a confused look when he tries to 'make a move'. He can't believe you're so oblivious even when he's basically just spelled it out for you!

-Genuinely, you remind him of Tecchou sometimes. He wouldn't be surprised if one day he found you eating eggshells with no reason behind it.

-Sometimes he just stands there as if you've said something absurd after. Like how can his bluntness with words still go flying right over your head as if he had spoken in some sort of code.

-Very annoyed with you sometimes. He'd like for it to get through your thick skull sometimes and he'll mention it to you if you're slow on the uptake when he is annoyed with you for being oblivious.

-Bear with him, he's trying to be nice. Key word, trying. He doesn't seem like he is 90% of the time because half the time when he tries to make some sort of move, it just will go over your head. There's no doubt in his mind that it will.

-Poor guy tries to flirt or make some sort of move on you but you just think he's being nice. He does have that delinquent-ish vibe to him so you just think he's trying to be nicer!

-He won't get mad or upset at you for being oblivious, he just gets a bit annoyed. He's made it as obvious as he can and you still aren't catching on!

-He likely would try to be straight up with you about things. Things that he could say without embarrassing himself that is. He wouldn't tell you straight up that he thought you looked cute or anything of the sorts. He'd like to keep that to himself for now.

-Visibly a little dejected when another one of his attempts go straight over your head. He thought he'd have it that time and yet again, you smiled and thanked him when the goal was to fluster you or even get you to realize what he was doing!

-Genuinely thinks you're messing with him after a while. How can someone be that oblivious? Not to say that he's going to give up trying but, he does consider the fact that he might just have to be blunt about it..

-Tecchou is just oblivious as you lets be honest. Things fly over both of your heads and it irritates Jouno to no end. Usually though, you both are very on par with each other when it comes to obliviousness.

-He likely was oblivious to his own feelings at first too. His protectiveness towards specifically you was just something he thought was because you both were close friends.

-I swear both of you would be so oblivious to each others small advances to the other while everyone else is watching you both with annoyance. The signs are right there and you both are completely missing them all.

-Every 'flirt' coming from Tecchou just ends up as a compliment. He'll tell you that you look nice today and you just simply think he's being polite. The poor guy has no clue how to flirt and you're just oblivious to his attempts.

-You both could be acting like a couple and hugging but the moment someone asks if you're together, instant denial. Both of your thought processes are literally that the other doesn't like you back as if the signs couldn't be anymore clear than they already are.

please do not repost any of my work without my permission, thank you for reading.

[cinderella-ish]

Fic Recs: My Favorite Yukeru Fics

Short Stories

and sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live, by DoctorBlazeIt T | Short Story | pining & romance For Yuki, growing older meant collecting some bad habits, like smoking, or falling in love with your best friend.

At Least We're Being Honest, by blackiceboba T | Short Story | Fluff & Romance Yuki tries to tell Kakeru about the curse. Manabe thinks he's saying something else. Awkwardness ensues.

august, by reconquer M | Short Story | smut “I’m hungry,” Kakeru says. “What about you?” “I guess I could eat,” Yuki mutters. “Well, good,” Kakeru grins. “Because it’s your turn to cook.”

did you know that frogs don't have ribs or diaphragms, by yunsohno E | Short Story | smut Yuki and Kakeru have sex. And then they talk about frogs.

if i do anything i regret tonight, no i didn't, by sacrificialParsnip T | Short Story | romance In which Momiji orchestrates a situation that involves 2 beers, a shot, and 2 cocktails.

If I Ever Feel Better, by reconquer M | Short Story | slice of life & smut “You can crash here, it’s not a big deal.” “You seem too happy about this,” Yuki mutters. “Of course! I get to have a sleepover with my best buddy.” Kakeru winks at him and Yuki kicks the inside of his thigh again. Like he said. Hell

i wanna ruin our friendship (we should be lovers instead) by bloodyhalefire T | Short Story | romance Kakeru isn’t an idiot. Sure, he’s awful at some things and is occasionally a bit slow on the uptake, but he isn’t an idiot; he knows what touch starved looks like, and Yuki is the fucking blueprint. So he sets out to fix it.

Kisses Like Pink Cotton Candy (Talking To Everyone But Me) by yukiawison T | Short Story | romance “I’m sorry,” Kakeru mumbled. Yuki blinked. He’d expected him to laugh and tell him he was being stupid. “What for?” Yuki said, keeping his voice carefully even. “You know what for,” Kakeru said, which reduced the apology, perhaps, to half an apology.

laughing til our ribs get tough, by a-bigail T | Short Story | pining & romance Yuki and Kakeru have a long night. Yuki relearns what it means to want.

Mood Ring, by reconquer G | Short Story | romance Just like everything else, it starts in the student council room.

Open Season, by reconquer T | Short Story | fluff yuki gets trashed and spills the beans

say it again and again (tomorrow i'll hear it) by eurydicees T | Short Story | hurt/comfort & romance Kakeru confesses. Yuki misunderstands. Ayame's advice actually turns out to be… pretty useful.

student council naptime blues, by a-bigail T | Short Story | pining Kakeru, for once, isn't very tired. Yuki is strangely exhausted. Kakeru tries to help, and is faced with some wayward feelings.

tears falling like snow, by sunflowerstarfruit G | Short Story | hurt/comfort & pining Yuki has a panic attack at school. Kakeru finds him.

Tell Me Something, Tell Me What You Like, by yukiawison G | Short Story | romance He was always off balance. If someone ever wanted to kiss him, Yuki figured they’d sense this imbalance and give up before anything began.

We Go On Walks, by yukiawison G | Short Story | romance Kakeru thinks he’s cursed, sometimes. He’s cursed to keep wanting things he can’t have. He wants Machi to say more than four words to him at a time. He wants his mother to stop pestering him about college. And he wants Yuki.

Longer Fics

at least i got you in my head, by yunsohno E | Novelette | angst & smut Yuki and Kakeru go to a party. Yuki wants things to be a bit more.

desiderium, by tessohma M | WIP | hurt/comfort, romance, & smut desiderium - an ardent longing or desire. A Yukeru friends with benefits AU.

Does it Come as a Surprise? (Language of Averted Eyes) by yukiawison G | Novelette | romance Part of Yuki was convinced that Kakeru was making fun of him. He never knew when jokes went too far. He never knew when to stop pushing Yuki’s buttons. And he knew he was good at teasing him. Part of him hated Kakeru for that, for being so easy with his touches, for hitting him where it hurt.

fit back in, by luftballons99 T | Novelette | romance Crushes, curses, and contemporary literary theory: Halloween provides the opportunity to confront fear in all its shapes.

i wanna be dyed with your colours, by halfhope T | Novelette, background Tohru/Kyo | romance Sohma Yuki gay panics his way to self-actualization.

Like Fireworks in the Night Sky, by Princely_Hairdos T | WIP | pining & romance Yuki starts winter break in a relationship he feels unhappy in. He doesn’t know why, only knowing that he needs to get his act together and quick. Somewhere along the way, he falls madly in love with his best friend. Watch him throughout the year as he tries to reign in these feelings only to find out he might not actually need to.

On Different Pages, by TurnUps G | Novelette | romance Yuki thinks Manabe's teasing him about going on a 'date' with him, and calls his bluff. Manabe is not teasing.

The Other Side of Paradise, by reconquer T | Novelette | angst & romance Uotani points out that Kakeru and Yuki are always touching each other. Yuki panics and realizes some things about himself.

President Perfect, by draebelle T | Novelette | angst & romance Kakeru goes on a wild goose chase to find the forgotten love of his life.

Set it Free, by TurnUps T | Novelette | romance The fanclub girls are annoying Machi about being on the student council. Kakeru has a plan to divert their attention. It's a fake dating AU.

tongue tied, by b_o_i E | Novelette | dark & romance A brief history of boys that Sohma Yuki has kissed.

Here's a link to all my bookmarks tagged with Kakeru/Yuki! It'll include more than are listed here, since authors sometimes tag background/implied relationships.

Fic Recs Masterpost

[25shadesoffebruary]

10 BL BOYS I WANT CARNALLY Redo

I have a few people tag me @firstkanaphans @negrowhat in this and when I originally did it I only put Phaya from the sign but I started thinking and I said yeah I got more so here are the others.

1. Phaya from the sign

Idk if it’s the way that Billy plays this character or what but Phaya has my heart. He’s just so annoyingly cute and playful but so smart and curious and he does not like to be ignored and so passionate, it’s endearing really idk.

2. Mork from Last Twilight

This man is so warm and kind and loving and caring and loyal and and and I could go on and and on I love him so much. Like that man went to jail because his friend decided to put his woodpecker into another birds tree and he fought for his ex girlfriend trust. I’m sorry that man is so fucking warm.

3. King from Bed Friend

I love this man and his big brown cow eyes so much. He’s just a walking green flag and he so sexy. He is just thoughtful, caring, loving, warm. I want him on every level. Love him

4. Akk from Enchantè

He a little slow on the uptake but that man is so romantic and kind. And truly was a green flag. And truly just wanted the best for Theo even if he had to put himself on the back burner.

5. Jeng from Step by Step

JENG WAS A MAN (no pun intended) That man was a CEO of his own business while trying to manage another business that he hated. He was self sacrificing and so kind. I love that tired his best to change when it came to Pat. He made some questionable decisions but I believe he did that because he thought that was best for him. He was loving and caring a I count him as a green flag.

6. Mark from Love Mechanics

That man went through so much for love. But I love how he was true to himself. I love how self aware he was and I love how he stood up for himself. Mark knew who he was and also knew what he wanted but he also knew that he was fucked when it came to Vee. I would have treated him right.

7. Ayan from The Eclipse

That man was a menace. But I love how fiercely loyal he was. I love how kind and thoughtful and loving this man was. He just wanted Justice ( and for the school to burn to ashes and for ashes to go the dumpster never to be seen again) for his uncle, he was a heartbroken boy who has lost his one close person in his life and was spinning around lost like a broken compass but he found his north in Akk and I love that for him.

8. Phayu from Love in the Air

Is this really a surprise to anybody. I mean come on now. That man knew how to stand on business. He knew what he wanted and made sure he got it. Made sure the person he wanted was also on their business. He wanted them to be successful together and love a man that is ambitious. Very loyal and protective but was also completely a simp.

9. Boeing from Only Friends

This man was wicked for no other reason then the fact that he could be. I was fascinated. Came to ruin lives and almost succeeded to if it hadn’t been for RayMew and them being like ahh back the fuck up off my man. I still think RaySandBoeing threesome should have happen. I would have like to see Boeing and Top kiss but also BoeingTopBoston would have been interesting to see. And I think Boston would have loved it there to be honest but we talking about Boeing here. Anyway that man should have had more screen time so he could fuck up more people lives.

10. Kinn from KinnPorsche

Listen Linda, that man was most definitely not a green flag and a very dark pink flag but I don’t think he was a red flag. He was just dumb. He’s complicated. But he was kind and thoughtful in his own way. And he tired to be fair to people. But Porsche was on that man mind 25/8 and it’s hard to think when someone is occupying your mind like that. But is he very loyal to a man that did not deserve it. He was caring for his people and was a big simp and I love that for him.

Tagging: @respectthepetty @smittenskitten @spicyvampire @chaos0pikachu @icouldhyperfixatehim @omarandjohnny @piningintrovert @pondsphuwin and anybody who wants to do it

[onboardsorasora]

one of my melatonin ideas lol I hope its good lmao my asks have been so full of pregnant Daniel recently that this was clearly the next step on forward.

Dewis Hidden Pregnancy 1400wrds part 2

cw: omegaverse, mpreg, so if you're not into that sorry.

Lewis walked into the paddock in Albert Park. Past the Melbourne walk and through the wall of photographers waiting for his entrance. The alpha took a left by the FIA building and stopped up short at the crowd in front of him.

There were drivers and media handlers surrounding someone and he could smell the excitement of the group. He slowed down, trying to see what was causing the large crowd when he heard a sound he hadn't heard in person in a while. Daniel's laugh.

Daniel was back?

Lewis thought back to the last time he'd seen the omega, back in Silverstone last year. They'd gone on a date after the race. It had been a lovely time, Lewis had thought. Daniel had done the test for Red Bull the following week and then he’d gone back to Australia after and kinda stayed off the grid. 

Lewis hadn't heard from him at all, he'd hoped to invite Daniel out on another date and maybe another after that. Hoped to eventually be able to call the omega his. But Daniel hadn't returned any of his calls or texts until Lewis just stopped.

He'd asked around if anyone had heard from him but people weren't very forthcoming. Lewis had been hurt, but he'd let it go as best he could. He hadn't expected Daniel to ghost him, but there was nothing he could do about it except accept that it was a problem with Daniel and not with him.

The crowd dispersed a little and Lewis was able to see just what drew everyone together. Daniel looked good, he wore a creme sweater and his usual skinny jeans. His hair had grown out a little, looking more like his Renault days than anything. 

Daniel bent over a bassinet and Lewis watched with wide eyes as he lifted out a small baby, bouncing the bundle and making shushing noises. Daniel looked over at Lewis and froze, the alpha felt sick at the fear that enveloped his normally sweet scent. His eyes were wide.

Lewis prided himself in being quick on the uptake, but he honestly felt like his thoughts were swimming through sludge right now. A pudgy brown hand with a tiny golden bracelet patted Daniel's lips, gripping at his nose. 

Daniel had a baby. 

Daniel had a baby with darker skin.

Lewis always figured he was good at math and equations. He knew that Silverstone was roughly nine months ago give or take a week or two. 

Daniel had a baby.

“Hi.” Daniel placed the small bundle back in the bassinet, making more shushing noises when the baby started to fuss again. “Uhm, we should talk I guess?” Daniel's voice was soft, timid. Lewis had never heard it that way before.

Lewis took a deep breath. There was a benefit to being stunned silent, he had additional time to collect himself and assess the situation. They were still very much in public, he couldn't afford any amount of reaction right now. 

The alpha nodded, “ok.”

Daniel led them into a small office with curtains on the windows and locked the door behind them. Lewis stared at the covered bassinet, he couldn't see the baby inside but he could hear and smell them. Daniel started wringing his hands together, the odor of his nerves was pungent in the room.

“I'm sorry.” Daniel whispered.

“You were pregnant?” Lewis looked between the bassinet and Daniel's nervous face again. The omega nodded jerkily and Lewis felt his chest seize. “It's mine?”

Daniel uncovered the basket with shaky hands and lifted his little girl out of the soft interior. Her little beanie fell off leaving her soft curls to spring free. Her caramel colored skin was darker than Daniel's but lighter than his own– a perfect blend of both of them.

“I have a daughter?” Lewis' voice cracked and Daniel looked painfully contrite. “Why?” 

Lewis locked eyes with Daniel's wet ones.

“I was scared. You– I–we'd only been on one date and I didn't know how…serious you wanted to be. I was afraid that you'd react badly– I hadn't known what I wanted to do if I wanted to keep it so I went home to try and figure it out. Then I got offered the Alpha Tauri drive and–and I would have had to- to get rid of her and I hadn't wanted to.”

“You didn't tell me?” Lewis accused.

“You didn't sign up for this, I didn't wanna like burden you.”

“That wasn't your decision?!” Lewis raised his voice before biting back his reaction. He had a daughter. He was a father. He didn't even know Daniel was pregnant. “So you were just going to hide her from me forever?” 

Lewis looked at him betrayed when Daniel stayed silent for longer than a moment. “You were!”

“... Not forever.” Daniel whispered, clutching the baby close.

“Why..?” Lewis felt like the bottom of his stomach dropped out. The room stunk of upset alpha. 

“Please don't take her from me…” Daniel pleaded and Lewis' eyes widened as if the omega had hit him. 

He left the room quickly, shutting the door behind him firmly while walking down the corridor to get some air. He had a daughter. He had a daughter and he didn't know. All this time Daniel had been pregnant and hadn't told him. Daniel was afraid of him.

Lewis' chest hurt. He never thought Daniel could think that of him. He'd never claim to understand the mind of a pregnant or nesting omega but he and Daniel had known each other for long enough that the alpha was sure Daniel knew his character.

Or at least he thought he did.

He paced the empty space for a while, taking deep breaths and trying to get control of himself again. He looked back down the empty corridor before taking another deep breath, in for seven out for ten. 

He had a daughter. He had a daughter that he hadn't known about. Daniel had been pregnant and had been alone. Lewis was going to meet his daughter and he needed to fix things with his omega. 

Because Daniel was his omega, that had always been the plan. Underneath everything, the hurt and upset and general shock, he knew it to still be true. He wanted Daniel and he wanted his family. They would figure this out.

He walked back to the room and paused at the door, listening to the sounds inside. Their daughter was crying and Daniel was attempting to quiet her, Daniel’s voice was raspy too as if he’d been crying.

Lewis pushed open the door.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I messed up but I’ll figure it out with your Daddy, I’ll make it right. I’m so sorry my love.” Daniel was stooped on the floor in the further corner of the room, rocking their small bundle to his chest.  He fingered a chubby cheek, trying to smooth out the sharp shape of her frown. “My bad decisions won’t ruin your life, I promise baby girl.”

“Is that why you came? To tell me?” Lewis asked quietly. Daniel’s eyes snapped up to look at him, he stood quickly and flashed away his tears with his palm.

“You deserved to know. To like be in her life if you wanted…” His voice cracked but he powered through.

“What if I want to be in your life too?” Lewis asked softly and Daniel sniffled.

“You’d– you’d want that? After what I did?”

Lewis took a moment to answer, to think about how to explain it. “Yes.” He settled on. “I don’t trust you, and I’m very hurt and I feel betrayed…. But I want to work past that.”

Daniel’s scent soured, no doubt hating himself for what he’s done. But he nodded and stepped forward slowly, meeting Lewis in the middle of the room. He offered the now quiet baby to the alpha who looked down at her bright dark brown eyes with his own wide ones.

“Her name’s Ava. She’s two months old.”

Lewis smiled when Ava smiled up at him, reaching a chubby hand towards his face. “Hi Ava, it’s lovely to meet you.” 

To Daniel he said, “we’ll figure this out. No more secrets.”

Daniel nodded, “no more secrets.” 

“Good.” Lewis grabbed his hand.

[mjrtaurus]

Contrary to just about everyone’s belief, Kong doesn’t hate Urpi.

Or at the very least that’s not how he would describe his feelings towards her. He just strongly dislikes multiple things about her! Which is different apparently. He doesn’t like her disrespectful mouth or her I-know-better attitude (regardless of whether or not she actually knows) nor is he a fan of how flippant she is about the Marines as a whole. Is respecting your elders just not a practice up in the sky?

But for everything he hates dislikes there’s a kernel of something else he respects. She’s a confident and has a backbone made of steel, she significantly quieter than just about anyone he's ever met and most importantly she’s wholly, truly, madly and deeply in love with Garp. Kong supposes it could always be worse considering his son's…tastes.

So he’s tried to extend the olive branch after that very terse first meeting. He bought them a house at Marineford so they can live in the community of soldiers and their spouses but it only saw use when she visited him from East Blue. He’s tried to do research on her and her people but he ‘apparently’ called them the wrong name and she looked like she wanted uppercut him to skies to see for himself how wrong he is (according to Garp that does seem to be her go-to response). He even was willing to pull some strings and help her enlist (considering she had no technical papers beyond a marriage license) she had actually had the gall to laugh as she declined! I mean the nerve! He was trying to do something nice here!

“Little slow on the uptake aren’t cha? These are gifts I’m giving you and the polite thing to do is to accept and say thank you.”

“Even if it is something that borders on the disrespectful? You’re an awfully man pushy Fleet Admiral, it’s unbecoming.”

“Is that why you called me here? It wasn’t enough to do this on calls?”

She paused at that and sat up a little straight but Kong could see how she quickly glanced at the door before continuing.

“We are here to tell you something that someone like you would consider inappropriate to do over the phone.”

“Has it occurred to you that I don’t want to hear any news about you?”

“It crossed my mind but this is the proper way to go about this. You know, the way you keep insisting I don’t know anything about?” And just to emphasize her claim (and get under his skin) a look of disgust crossed her face.

Before his scathing response came Garp burst through the door with a quick salute and a less quick kiss to his wife before taking his seat.

“Old man we've got some big news to share!”

“Whatever it is, can it wait?”

Garp blinked owlishly. “I mean yeah it can but it won’t be a surprise by then!”

Kong sighed before dismissively waving his hand, beckoning Garp to just say it. It certainly couldn’t be as big of a deal as they were making it out to be-

“WE'RE HAVING A KID! URPI'S PREGNANT!”

. . .

“My love, what is he doing?”

“He’s smiling!”

“…Can you make him stop? For some reason it’s making me nauseous.”

Kong being the out of touch military grandpa is such a hilarious concept, because we always attribute that to Garp??? Garp is very emotionally intelligent, just not the best at showing it (something Dragon and Luffy both inherited imo). He’s still a little out of touch besides all that, but compared to Kong? Oh MAN.

Garp would probably be worse if he hadn’t met Urpi tbh. Shook his belief system up a bit.

But Kong hearing about this baby? This grandchild of his? He hopes the kid is just as much like Urpi as they are Garp. He wants to see more of that backbone in the world.

And he does. Just not in the way he was hoping for, in the end. But old Kong makes do.

Turncoat or no, his grandson is tough as nails and stands for what he believes in. And that’s more than what could be said with the majority of the people he works with.

[mageknight14]

Nagi and Beat: What it Means to be Empathetic

One thing I really appreciate about Nagi and Beat's characterizations and dynamic in NEO TWEWY is how the game portrays them as the two of the most emotionally mature and empathetic party members in the game and how they express that maturity in distinct but equally important ways.

Let's start this analysis off with Nagi. The game makes a point to show off multiple times that she’s in-tune when it comes to others’ emotions. Take the side quest with Buddy Rapids on Week 2 Day 4, for example.

When he flips out over not receiving a glass of water from Ken Doi and everyone is flabbergasted by how he reacted, Nagi actually takes the time to empathize with and explain why he would feel that way, that he probably felt unwelcome or deliberately provoked.  She literally absorbs emotions of others like a sponge, to her own detriment. She has this ability, knows it, knows how to work with it, but she can’t exactly turn it off. It gets to the point that an overwhelming burst of negative emotion from the people around her can cause her to emotionally break down, as we see from when she reacts to how the citizens are suffering from Shibuya Syndrome.

She analyses people and feels them whether she wants it or not, and due to being a combination of simultaneously open minded and very direct, those not true to themselves strike her as very wrong, in the wrong, or plain bizarre, as we can see from how coldly she treats Motoi and Fret at first. She’s true to herself, and to others, and someone not reciprocating on the same level is a bad thing in her book.

She suffers from hyperempathy and easily 'taps in' to what people are feeling, but she can struggle with finding the appropriate channel through which to express her feelings, such as her initial coldness towards Fret. Because of this, besides her infatuation with Sho, she’s fairly passive towards the group dynamic and synergy at first, instead to either gush about her beloved Lord Tomononami, EleStra, or both. This is especially notable when tensions start to rise between Rindo and Fret at the beginning of Week 2 and she can do nothing but weakly comment at the tense atmosphere in the air. 

However, as we get to see throughout the game, she begins to lighten up towards Fret and if you look closely at how she interacts with him, she progressively becomes less outright insulting towards him and more distant and hesitant once she puts together than he might actually have a reason to be putting up a front. By the time week 3 rolls around she's not insulting him at all, actually engaging in convos with him because she's realized that Fret is a genuinely good person who acts fake as a coping mechanism. Most of this realization starts showing up during week 2 because Fret gets stressed enough by the situation they're in to let the "mask" slip on multiple occasions— you can see that Nagi's expression changes when her portrait is present during these instances because she starts to put it together. 

While her arc isn’t as pronounced as the others, it’s still there nonetheless and revolves around her learning that she does not need to dismiss people right away and look past the surface, exploring in learning how to nuance so to speak. To cap it off, by the time week 3 comes around, she actively steps up to the plate more than once to help the others sort out their issues and integrates more into the group, truly embracing her role as the team mom, as seen as when she helps the other characters cope with their own issues on Week 3 Day 5. 

Now, let’s contrast this with Beat. While he isn’t as academically intelligent as Nagi, can be slow on the uptake, and not really keen on using his head, he still gets a few good hits in and has a cutting-the-knot way of problem solving that is as much a positive as a negative quality. 

In the first game, he calls out Konishi, who is presented as very smart, on her "unforeseen circumstances", and for someone mixing words a lot, he used those surprisingly straight and deliberately angers her so that she can focus on him while Neku snags Rhyme underneath her notice. He feels that the game is "whack" in NEO and is the first to call out Kubo against it and be suspicious of him while the others just found him sleazy and hatable ("might ask gramps some questions"), fairly quickly discerns that Fret and Rindo were at odds concerning the decision of trusting Kanon or not and that they needed to sort it out, and even recognizes Fret’s grief concerning Kanon herself and opts to let him have one last moment of hope and get some closure on the whole thing rather than just letting him bottle up these feelings in a negative manner forever.

I’d say that while Beat may not be academically smart, can often takes things at face value and can be considered dense at times, he is emotionally incredibly intelligent, even if not in the same way as Nagi: both are highly receptive to others’ moods and feelings, but while Nagi processes them with her heart and brains, Beat processes them with his heart and guts. 

Conversely, while Nagi suffers from her hyperempathy and can struggle with finding the appropriate channel through which to express her feelings, Beat intuitively 'taps in' to what people are feeling and also intuitively 'taps in' to what he can say to cheer people up or to motivate them to keep moving forward, as shown when he inspires the group to keep going forward even when things get dire at the beginning of Week 3 Day 4. 

Nagi stumbles butt-over-head into people’s psyches and while she has a good grasp on the information and psychology, being excellent at reading people, she doesn’t have the means of transforming that into a pleasant interaction if things are at odds. Beat, however meets people partway, at middle ground, or if he senses that he needs to, goes all the way to drag them out of their shell. He doesn’t embarrass himself with the unnecessary, as he doesn’t like to beat around the bush but also seems to think that people do have their own reasons of acting the way they do. To solve the problem, you address the problem, politeness and other fioritures can wait (which, again, is as much a positive quality as a negative one). Nagi has more tact with it because she can sense when things will go on the fritz, and because she’s more actively trying to get along with people than Beat. Even when giving the cold shoulder, she still has restrains (it takes a breaking point to call someone a "degenerate ape") and at worst ignores what bothers her, or makes it clear. Beat, on the other hand, would directly hop to 'I don’t like you, yo' and show scathing hostility, as he does with Sho and Coco who, in contrast to Kariya, Uzuki, and Shoka, are not at all apologetic when it comes to their actions and still antagonize him, in which he responds back in kind. You wrong him or his friends, you’re on his shit list, period.

This difference is seen most predominantly when the Wicked Twisters meet up with Sho again. Beat is immediately hostile thanks to his previous encounters with Sho in the first game and is ready to assume the worst of him, unaware of the shared history Rindo, Nagi, and Fret have with Sho at this point. And when Sho seemingly validates his concerns by attacking him and his friends, he's ready to write him off entirely. And it's not like Sho even cares about what Beat thinks of him to try and correct him afterwards.

Nagi, on the other hand, immediately notices that something is off about Sho compared to when he allied with the team in the first week and picks up that it may be Noise-related. And sure enough, she turns out to be correct. Sho had been absorbing Rindo's Dissonance Noise while he was away and when he absorbs a whole bunch at once, his mind gets overwhelmed and he goes berserk, attacking the Wicked Twisters in the process. Sure enough, when Neku quite literally beats some sense into him after he was already worn down by the team, Sho doesn't antagonize them at all whatsoever. and even gives them cryptic advice concerning the storm that's coming their way later.

To put it into perspective, Nagi is receiving all channels 100% of the time and as such had to define herself strongly against them to hear her own, affirming her personality and being very direct. It’s a radio always on that she can just tune out somewhat, but not turning it off. And if things get too overwhelming, she can take too much of that negative energy into herself and become severely affected herself if she doesn't have an immediate outlet. It's why she flips out at Rindo when she first meets as she was already unintentionally channeling the emotions of others and was being harassed by the DRS team beforehand and her missing the special EleStra pin was essentially the straw that broke the camel's back.

Beat, in contrast can hop from channel to channel and tune in on people, but only a few of his choosing at a time. Hence why he’s more receptive of a variety of different people, if they are amicable to him. He instantly hits it off with Fret, wholesomely accepts Nagi, even reaches out to Rindo who’s more unsure and shy (seen in the day after recruiting him as he’s the first to come up to him to see if things are okay), wholeheartedly accepts Shoka in the team and develops quite the protective streak for her among the rest (seen when he warns Susukichi about taking her after Ayano’s passing). He’s the big brother all the way. Compare this to how he reacted to Neku and Shiki in TWEWY, where he welcomes the latter at first after apologizing to the duo for mistaking them as Reapers but immediately takes a justified dislike to the former because Neku was kind of being a huge prick at the time. 

I think all of this is incredibly interesting in how the writers go about in portraying that nuances of what it means to be empathetic and emotionally mature and it just goes to show how much the TWEWY team cared about detailing the psychology and mindset of each character in a way that makes them all the more real.

And as a side note, I really appreciate Nagi and Beat’s dynamic. Rather than have them conflict as they could have so easily done (the athletic, skateboarding musclehead and the nerdy educated woman) the game has them genuinely enjoying one another's maturity and working to support the rest of the team, with Nagi even patiently translating anything she needed to of her dialogue for Beat's sake, as well as draw comparisons between the way Nagi treats Beat and Fret to foreshadow her issues with the latter and I think that's just neat.