#someone (I'm so sorry but i can't remember who) came up with a theory that Miq is so freely given love that he doesn't value it as he should

[possiblynotpayingattention]

Lol I wish Malenia came flying out of nowhere to save the day! 😭

Tbh, I have a headcanon about something similar.

Malenia, being Miquella's twin and also an Empyrean, is immune to her brother's bewitching/charming ability. She is also aware of when it happens or has happened to others, recognizing the signs, sensing her brother's powers at work and knowing Miquella's motives/personality well enough to discern the truth.

For that reason she tries to nip this behavior in the bud by either talking Miq out of it, finding an alternative way for whatever he is planning or flat out requesting he stop this.

Now, thanks to SOTE's ending, it's become rather evident that Miquella is a extremely morally grey person. He's not evil but he is an anti-villian— an antagonist who does bad things for the right reasons (I love this trope so much but it took me a while to realize Miq fit this trope perfectly).

He doesn't want to hurt anyone or cause pain- which why he just removes that possibility by bewitching his "allies" and being kind to everyone he crosses paths with (I don't think he charms everyone he meets but he does probably play up the "Kindly Miquella" persona, which is still part of his real personality, however if all else fails, he brings out the big guns and *KABLAM* you've been brainwashed). He wants so badly to create this perfect future of his, that he resorts to the "by any means necessary" that many typical anti-villains perpetuate (think Magneto from X-Men, Gellert Grindelwald from Fantastic Beasts and Jinx from Arcane). Despite Miquella's lofty dream of this wonderful future and new age, his way of achieving it is definitely suspect and morally wrong.

Malenia knows this and she is aware of the lengths her brother will go to accomplish his goals.

This could be why Miquella left her out of his plan involving godhood and the Land of Shadow.

He knows she'd disapprove or try to stop him (not physically but to talk him down or reason with him and at this point, I think Miquella has no intention of being "reasoned" with). He's desperate for this to go off without a hitch because this plan has likely been several centuries in the making. So he leaves his sister out of it, likely resolving to return to her after it is all said and done. With his new status as a god perhaps there is a greater chance of curing Malenia's rotting sickness. Malenia would only get in the way despite his intention to cure her ("I wanted your help but not like this" vibes) and he doesn't want her to get hurt anymore for his sake (it is probable that he's painfully aware of what state his sister is in and knows she's mentally compromised). Unfortunately for him, he wouldn't be able to charm or bewitch her into sitting on the sidelines even if it was just with her health and condition in mind and not the getting-in-his-way part.

In this event, it is probable that before Malenia and Radahn fought each other to a standstill in Caelid, Miquella gave Finlay instructions that if and when his sister became compromised (aka blooms into Aeonia), to take her to the Haligtree and keep her there. Miquella is hoping Malenia will be protected there but also unable to stop him from carrying out his plans.

Everything falls into place, Mohg "steals" Miquella away, he makes it into the Land of Shadow and begins his journey with Malenia none the wiser, using his bewitching ability to secure his allies without anyone to stop him.

He always planned to go back for his sister and in the last battle when he's defeated, it probably occurs to him that Malenia's fate is sealed with his death. She'll never be cured and she'll die waiting for him, having depended on a lie to keep her going just like everyone else in Elphael.

Personally I'd like to think one of the biggest reasons for Miquella's transition into that of an antagonist is because of Malenia. That his determination to achieve godhood was centered around trying to cure his sister (and perhaps find a way to help Godwyn as well).

I mean, his whole personality and plan revolve around helping people even if they don't want to be helped (in the bewitching case, forcibly so).

Miquella leaving Malenia behind is also very similar to his discarding of St. Trina. She knows Miquella can't be allowed to achieve godhood and she also likely knows (just like Malenia) that his methods are wrong and would only come back to bite him later. Malenia wouldn't want this, St. Trina doesn't want this but both of them love and understand Miquella all the same— they are two people who love him so much, they have to stop him.

Over all, Miquella really is the perfect anti-villian... benevolent in his goals but his methods are morally wrong.

Miquella has to be stopped by someone regardless of his reasoning and his altruistic goals. He's desperate and very alone (sorely lacking real allies and friends who aren't bewitched). With his twin sister and other-half safely out of the way (that's very important— that they are safe, seemingly awaiting his return), it falls to our Tarnished to stop him.

I don't want to undo his anti-villian arc but I do wish there had been some sort of saving grace moment in the final battle instead of more slaughter. Perhaps a way to cure Malenia is given to us by Miquella or even some additional dialogue from him explaining his reasoning further so it is flat out established that he's not evil, just very misguided, so the player feels conflicted for killing him and Radahn. It would've at least saved him from getting labeled "evil" by everyone who isn't a Miquella fan.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk about why Miquella left Malenia behind! 🙂🥲

Miquella the brat

[imhidingonceagain]

Slimeriana fans I don't know if you guys know this but...

Before the QSMP started (or as soon as it started, I'm not sure) Mariana said in one of his streams that he wanted his Minecraft character to be have a ship as well.

Mariana is close to Roier who's shipped by people with Spreen or Quackity who's usually paired with Luzu (by the Hispanic side of his viewers).

And I remember that Mariana was like "oh man, I want to be shipped as well" (I can't remember which stream, sorry), because people never did that with him.

I think that's why in the begging of the QSMP he tried to get his character close to Q! Foolish (he ruined his chances very soon tho lol)

But then Slimecicle came and they got along so well (because they have the same sense of humor, Foolish doesn't match too well with Mariana for that reason -that's my theory- not saying that they don't get along, but not everyone can match someone like Mariana because he's... Weird -in a good way-) and Boom... Mariana got what he wanted when his and Charlie's characters got paired up.

I think that's why Mariana has talked about Charlie in such a good light and that's why he reacts to Slimeriana content and talks about the characters even when he's not streaming Minecraft.

Idk, Mariana is very weird, has a strange sense of humor and says a lot of odd shit but he also can be very endearing and I'm glad he found someone who can roleplay with him with the same energy.

[autismprotocol]

TMAG Theory Board Update (EP 11-12)

Hi guys sorry about the late posting I've just started a new quarter of college and its been pretty hectic. also got into my school design BFA program so pretty stoked about that! Anyways lets get into the Episode Breakdowns because even though not a lot of lore related things happened I still have a lot to talk about

For the breakdown I'll separate each by episode in sequential order

What Happened in Episode 11: Marked

Celias Rude Awakening- we jump right into the weirdness straight away with Celia waking up on the side of the interstate. she indicates that this is not a weird occurrence and ends the scene by telling someone named Jack that she's "on her way." If you remember episode 8 after Celia and Sam talk to Gerry and Gertrude, she mentions stuff about wanting help with her own mystery. When Sam asks about it she says she's looking into Time travel, other dimentions and teleportation. Many people have theorized that maybe Celia is just a super heavy sleepwalker, but I think the she teleports random places out of nowhere. This could be a side effect of her reality hopping if this Celia is originally from The archives universe.

As for the identity of Jack I'm not quite sure about that yet. I cross referenced the name Jack with past episodes of TMA. The only thing that came up was Jack Barnabas from the statement about dating Agnes Montague (aka an avatar of the desolation and Jesus-like figure for the cult of the lightless flame) So Unless Celia is secretly Agnes of Agnes reincarnated , I can't find any way to link Barnabas to Celia. (if anyone has a theory feel free to send it my way.)

Sam Lore- this one is pretty minor story-wise but I thought it was interesting. Before the statement for the episode is presented we get some classic Sam and Alice Banter ™ most of it is pretty lighthearted but I noticed Sam mention something that could indicate he might be an amputee.

These could not mean anything and I find it weird that it hasn't been mentioned until now but thought it was kind of cool and I will probably be drawing sam with a prothetic leg in the future cause I really like this head-canon. It also begs to question if he is missing a leg. it might have anything to do with his past as a Magnus institute test subject but then again could just be a fun character detail added by Jonny and/or Alex .

The Statement- Getting into the statement we get another Ink5oul appearance. Also possible Ink5oul identifying as she/they. (and lets be honest being a fear avatar is pretty non binary core). I found this Episode gave me a feeling of a hybrid between the Vast, Buried and the Flesh some people are theorizing that is might be a new entity called the Deep but I think that the fear of the ocean could easily apply to the vast or buried. Not much to say about this story though pretty standard Magnus horror that also gave us a hint to what Ink5oul's goal could be/which entity they serve.

Post Bonzo- Gwen has a debrief with Lena after her first Externals Liason assignment and her meeting with Mr. Bonzo. Undoubtedly Gwen is still pretty shaken from her encounter, even arriving late to work due to sleeplessness. Gwen is able to ask Lena a few questions mainly she wanted to know who's name was written on the letter given to Bonzo

Lena is largely unhelpful but tells Gwen she should have worked it out by now and if not to pay close attention to the case load for the next couple of days. before the latest episode my guess was Klaus because that is the only person mentioned so far that the OIAR intends to kill. but more on that later

Marked- Now were getting to my favorite thing about this episode. This episode title can have two meanings. The first is the more literal interpretation. Tattoos are marking of the body and the case this episode was all about tattoos so easily a good name would be marked. But I believe this is a red herring meant to misguide listeners who have not consumed all 200 episodes of TMA because if you know the world of Magnus Archives the term Marked takes on a entirely different meaning.

In TMA the term marked is used to indicate that somebody has been influenced by one or more or the fears and are one their way to becoming an Avatar. I think this could be a coded way to tell the audience someone in the OIAR has been marked. I have two potential candidates

Alice Dyer- Alice has been having dreams about the Institute after her and Sam's adventure into the ruins. also she mentions feeling like someone's watching her (common to people influenced or fed upon by the Ceaseless Watcher/The Eye) My guess if she is marked it would be by the Eye.

Gwendolyn Bouchard: Probably the most likely culprit. The main way an entitly tends to mark people is through encounters with other avatars. Gwen has just had an encounter with Mr Bonzo last episode who I strongly believe must be an avatar of some sort.

What Happened in Episode 12: Getting Off

Aww Sam!!- Sam asked Celia out and it was adorably awkward. not much to say I just loved this interaction and I'm longing for a new Magnus brand office romance hopefully is wont be an agonizing slowburn that ends tragically like a certain pair of morons from Archives (I love you Jon and Martin but Jesus christ)

It's Bonzo time bitches!!- Probably one of the most gruesome Magnus statement I've ever listened to (good work Alex) Mr Bonzo completely annihilated some poor dude at his bachelor party. Based on the date of the Incident the I can confidently say that whoever Baz (the groom) was he was our mystery person the OIAR sent Mr Bonzo to get rid of. Along with some of the bloodiest imagery we learned a few things about Bonzo. The most interesting detail is that Bonzo has to be summoned by playing his theme song I think the CD of his theme song acts somewhat like the tapes did in TMA by materialising out of nowhere. Also fun fact you know that torn seam that is right down Bonzo's middle? that is actually is his mouth lined with rows sharp teeth so I guess I know that now (so fun) Moral of the story dont f*ck with Mr. Bonzo

Alice knows something: Theres been this recurring audio glitch throughout TMAGP thatnks to a few extremly observent fans we have started to relize that these glitches are not at all random and are actually letting the audience know when a character is lying (i actually reposted somones deepdive into all the istances of this glitch so far if you guys are intrested in knowing more) why i bring this up now is becuase since we know when any charater is lying we also know when they are being truthful if there is no glitch when they say somthing and at the end of this episode this interaction occurs

Alice goes ahead and makes a joke about this to annoy Gwen but the fact theres no audio glitch when she says "I know" means she does actually know who is behind the OIAR and is activly refusing to share it with Gwen or the others. What do you know Alice!?

and that's about it im already loving these next batch of episodes and am so excited to learn more (ERROR has to show up somtime )

thanks to everyone who resonded the poll on the last update I will continue to include drawings into the breakdown even if it takes me a little bit of time to post. anyways I wrote this all in one sitting and I'm about ready to pass out so thanks again and the ask box and comments are always open for discussion and theory crafting.

-Echo

[im-this-kind-of-girl]

Aziraphale and Crowley's unhinged character analyzis (pt2. Crowley)

Controversial opinion:

Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of Season2 managed to accomplish the main goal they each had since the beginning of time. Only to realize that what they wanted no longer made them happy.

Disclaimer: I have no idea about what is going to happen in Good Omens. This analysis could clearly be considered a theory since I'm not Neil Gaiman, but as someone who knows about narrative and character structure, I'm going to elaborate. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry in advance.

I've already talked about Aziraphale's possible transformation arc in the Good Omens story. In here I've also written important definitions such as what's a transformation arc. I highly recommend it to read it first.

Now it's time to talk about Crowley.

Crowley, the co-protagonist and love interest.

In our role as audience, Crowley is the character with whom one tends to empathize the quickest. By the end of the second season, most would be tempted to think Crowley was right. However, this is a lie. Not only is Crowley not right, but he rejected Aziraphale just the same, choosing his principles over love.

Now, why in the first instance do we not see it that way? Well, because we have Aziraphale's point of view. We always get the angel's reaction first, we always see the way Crowley shows up again and again and again to rescue him unconditionally.

Very rarely do we have a moment where Crowley is alone in crisis because his beliefs are challenged. No, everything he does is in function of Aziraphale and we see the story from his perspective, that is, from the perspective of someone who is in love with Crowley. Because of this, Crowley is equally liked and attractive to everyone equally: we are inside Aziraphale's in love POV.

By the time Crowley proposes Aziraphale to run away together, we as the audience are seeing a proposal that is incredibly tempting to us: we want Aziraphale to accept it because it's what Aziraphale really wants. That's why the fight hurts so much, because we know internally that the two of them had the chance to be together but didn't because they're not ready yet.

Crowley's Objective

Crowley, unlike Aziraphale, was happy in Season 2 with his current situation. Having cut ties with both Heaven and Hell pleased him, because Crowley always sought only one goal throughout his entire life: freedom.

The one thing Crowley has always desired is to be himself with no excuses and no strings attached.

Since before the beginning of time, Crowley came to the conclusion that he didn't fit in Heaven. He thought he would fit in Hell, but soon realized that it was like a deteriorated version of Heaven, so he didn't fit in there either. On Earth he doesn't quite fit in either. Sure, he likes humans, has a certain admiration and curiosity for them, but he still considers them a species far different from his own. He is not human and never will be, so he can't really identify with them at all. He enjoys the advantages of humanity, but he is not one of them.

The Job episode is an indicator of this, he himself says so "I am a demon who goes along with Hell as far as I can".

In this same episode, however, the major problem he has with this is also expressed. Azira tells him "that sounds lonely". The counterpart of freedom is loneliness. To be truly free, you need to have nothing and nothing to bind you. That's why Crowley is someone who is unsympathetic and even disinterested in dealing with third parties. He does not remember faces or names, he does not get significantly close to anyone because that would compromise his desire for genuine independence.

This characteristic is the only one that is present in absolutely all versions of Crowley: the book, radio drama and even in the cursed script of the movie that never was. That's why whenever he sees danger, his first reaction is to run away.

Being free he has nothing to lose… or does he?

Crowley's dilemma

Well, Crowley never fit in by being different and so he always felt somewhat an outcast. However, it wasn't long before he noticed that Aziraphale was also different.

Clearly the angel was not like the other angels in Heaven: he enjoyed Earth, he fell into temptations, he lied to other angels. Also, it is obvious that he would not fit in Hell, and while he is more empathetic to humans, he is still innocently aloof. Aziraphale has a pure goodness that Crowley admires, the goodness that made him be kind to the demon in the first place.

Moreover, no matter the time, no matter how little they knew each other, Aziraphale could always see through Crowley's evil masquerade. The demon could burn goats and murder people, and yet Aziraphale has always held a blind faith towards him. Crowley, the Serpent of Eden, who had been his entire existence told that he's doomed to be a crawling tempter, finds in the angel an unexpected possible friend who's never been afraid or bothered by him.

Crowley eventually feels they are both the same: two supernatural entities left on Earth who learned to enjoy life on their own terms. Crowley sees in Aziraphale the companionship he never thought he'd find, the friend he thought at the moment he fell he'd never have. And that feeling of companionship and admiration slowly morphed into something more until it became love.

The season finale isn't the first time Crowley has considered leaving Earth. Probably not even his fight in Season 1 was the first time he considered it. Yet he never did. He never could because, without Aziraphale, running away would doom him to a life of solitude. Free, sure, but completely alone since no one except his angelic friend could understand him.

However, I think Crowley is not aware of what he feels. Or at least, he hasn't been for a long time. I'm sure his moment of introspection about his feelings was when Nina confronted him about it. Up to this point, Crowley considered Aziraphale his best and only friend, obviously. Crowley is loyal to a fault and always thought his relationship with Aziraphale was perfect just the way it was, but suddenly someone put it into words and he realized that yes, that's what he really wants with Aziraphale.

Crowley's decision

Crowley wants his freedom. That's why he never asked Aziraphale for explanations (because at the end of the day they were just friends), that's why he never told him that he was living in his car (because he would end up depending on him), that's why he never talked about his fall (because that would be opening up too much).

The most ironic thing about the whole ending, is that just like Crowley did with Aziraphale… Aziraphale proposed to Crowley the one thing he wants more than anything: to be together, for good, but sacrificing his freedom.

Crowley is capable of doing anything for his angel, even without acknowledging that what they had was love. He's capable of driving on fire, capable of killing Gabriel, capable of walking inside a church. Of everything except one thing.

It's the one step Crowley didn't dare take. He is not a martyr like the angel, no, he is not willing to sacrifice himself to be together. So, the obvious happened: Crowley chose his freedom over Aziraphale just as Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley.

The end of his arc and Aziraphale.

As I said before, I don't think Crowley will have a significant change comparable to Aziraphale's. His personality and beliefs will not be changed in a momentous way, as Crowley no longer has ties to Heaven or Hell by pulling the tab on both sides.

His side is already picked: Humanity.

His biggest change is likely to be one of purpose. Crowley is no longer going to be satisfied with his freedom. And the latter is a fact: Crowley is officially free. Without Aziraphale in the equation, he no longer has anything or anyone tying him to do anything or be any other than who he truly is. Crowley can go to Alpha Centauri and never come back; he can sleep for 3,000 years; he can go around the world in the Bentley. He can do whatever he wants. This might seem ideal to the Crowley of 300 years ago, but today's Crowley is completely consumed by loneliness.

Crowley never cared about building a home or having material things because he never wanted to be tied to anything earthly for the sake of doubt. He was always aware of the destruction of the Earth.

Love is not something that can be prevented though, and in the absence of having a home, he found it in Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: trustworthy, sweet, warm, funny, a bit of bastard but always irrevocably good. Everything Crowley lost when he fell he almost automatically found back.

To this day I wonder what Crowley is going to do now that his angel is gone and the possibility of him fleeing to the stars is becoming more and more possible. It's going to depend a lot on how much time passes between seasons, but I don't think it will be much. For not only he was his anchor, no, without Aziraphale, he doesn't have someone to cause him to want to do better, he doesn't have someone to be vulnerable with, he doesn't have a goal anymore, nobody else to impress.

He isn't evil. He isn't good. And now, he is alone.

First Crowley lost the love of God and now the love of Aziraphale. And it is then that Crowley will realize that what he really wants is not to be free, but to be loved. And this desire can only be fulfilled by the love of his life, Aziraphale.

The thing is... Crowley has always wondered why.

Why falling? Why becoming the cursed Serpent? Why could he never be truly free?

At the end of his arc, he must come to the conclusion that the answer was always in front of him:

Love is the only answer he needs.

[stormblessed95]

So I just had some thoughts about the minimoni exchange that I really needed to share - their relationship is so cute. There was one thing that I'm confused about and I wanted to know if it was just me lol, and that's the narrative Jimin was telling about how Muse came about. That Pdogg asked him what his thoughts are, and Jimin said he's been feeling a lot of apathy lately (I'm paraphrasing here cause I can't remember the words!).

Then he went straight into talking about how the album is about having a crush, but he said he can't remember the last time he had a crush. And he had to have help from a younger producer to talk about what a crush was like. He didn't really go into why he wrote an album about having a crush when he said he can't remember the last time, just that he's been feeling not much excitement lately. He even explained this albums emotions as "vague." If I could go into depth about it, my interpretation (could be completely wrong) is that it's an explanation of coming to terms with his sexuality, that the expectation that he fall in love with women but no matter how many relationships with women he's had he just can't find the one. Until JK comes along....

Sorry my thoughts are all over the place 😂😂. I just wanted to know if someone also found it confusing or it's just my ADHD brain!

Hello my love! I'm probably going to use your ask to talk about Muse as a whole I think. Hope that's okay ❤️ I'll make other posts for the songs individually if I have more I want to say in depth about specific songs.... Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and theories too! I love them!

My thoughts and feelings about Muse as a whole below the photo 💜 disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and opinions. I am in no way claiming this as fact or truth and unless I'm quoting something, these are all my own words. Everyone is entitled to agree or disagree as they see fit.

This will be a longer post.... So strap in I guess!

SO! To start, Pdogg shared with us that Jimins album/SMGB was in part inspired by the Beatles conceptual album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." He said, and I quote:

"It was inspired by a conceptual album like the Beatles' 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.' And I tried to incorporate the excitement I felt when thinking of Muse into the songs. The flow of emotions is directly reflected in the track order, so it will be more fun if you focus on that."

Intro: Rebirth and Interlude: Showtime is what gives that connection and crossover from FACE, with its sound and chorus use, into the new concept and album I believe. Which Jimin has explicitly stated that Muse is not connected with FACE really at all. But that does give its connection and crossover from those first 2 songs. So you could EASILY listen to them back to back and find it flows smoothly from one sound into another!

Face is clearly about introspection, facing oneself, that vulnerability and overcoming that pain. It's about freeing yourself. Muse seems to be conceptually about finally feeling free enough to pursue that prospect of love and being open to those feelings. It was brought up by Minseong Kim, his performance director, in VMagazine that (I'm paraphrasing) they basically were focusing more on his masculine side and expressions for Who and in Muse. While in Face, Jimin showcased more of his vulnerabilities and his more feminine side and expressions. Specifically seeking out that contrast. Full interview here:

Now I don't know about you ... But it's giving gender. And I love that. It's not something new for Jimin, he leans into that contrast within himself alot. It's really giving gender fluidity. And I think that's on purpose. Jimin doesn't do things by accident. He thinks through everything and Jimin is in charge at the end for his projects. And considering how OFTEN this concept of *both*, of feminine and masculine, comes up in Jimins personal projects/stages, it's clearly something important to him that he wants to be highlighted.

Jimin absolutely had full control over the stories he wanted to tell in each song, even Who, where he didn't have full writing credits. He explained the thoughts, feelings and ideas he was wanting to express. We saw him in the behind scenes of things having direct input on his songs, the MV, and creating his own choreo. The Talent 😍 we were specifically told that Jimin "directly explained to them what he wanted to convey and the direction he wanted to take for this album and each song. This allowed us to put together tracks that are more musically diverse, but still feel right for him." Quote comes from an interview article from the Clash here

Similarly shared in another article, Pdogg said "We made it with Jon Bellion in New York. I remember Jimin personally explaining to him what story he wanted to tell, and he was really embarrassed/shy. I met Jimmy Fallon by chance in the studio next door. We played the song for him for the first time after we finished working on it. In fact After finishing work on the 'FACE' album, we went straight into the production of 'MUSE' and I thought, 'He's working this hard before his military enlistment?' Thanks to Jimin's hard work, you'll be able to see his musical journey, which has grown even more." From here

Okay, now that we got all those interview snippets out of the way from Jimins team.... We can get into more of Jimins words and my own thoughts/theories here too.... 😏🥰 But we like to work theories off facts, so we gotta get our base line!

Jimin finished recording his album in June of 2023.

Jimin stated in MMM that the first 5 songs in his album were basically the emotions related to having a crush and confessing your feelings. That would be:

Intro: Rebirth

Interlude: Showtime

SGMB

Slow Dance

Be Mine

And then the 6th track, Who, he takes it all back and is like no, that's not really true. Where he also lets us know that there really isn't a connection to FACE in the grand scheme of things.

To start with the title too.... Who are the Muses? The Greek Goddesses of artistic inspiration. Jimin has been drawing from Greek Mythology a lot recently, with Apollo and Artemis featuring in his photofolio too. Now while the basics premise of a Muse is and can be very romantic in nature, it isn't always. Jimins album Muse is inherently full of romantic songs, but I also think it's clear from his talk on MMM that this album is not JUST about looking for your run of the mill, romantic relationship and love.... But being in search of your passion, your heart and your desires. It's the expression of yearning. Yearning for love, for life, for his music, his work, his Identity as a person and an artist, to feel excited over something and look forward to something. He specially says to RM during MMM that he isn't sure if he will ever be satisfied with himself as an artist or find a version of himself that he is fully satisfied with (I'm paraphrasing). It's the idea that this search for his Muse (that satisfaction in himself and as an artist) is ongoing and probably will FOREVER be ongoing. Hence why in the end of the Who MV, after all that back and forth with so many people.... He is still alone. That search is still happening. Hence also why this desperate search of who his heart is waiting for is at the end of the album, not opening it up. He still hasn't found her, the Muses. His satisfaction. The yearning that is driving him forward to grow and learn and adapt and dig deeper into his art, is still there.

Jimin has a lot of control over his projects. His albums, songs, and performances. As he should. But it's important for everyone to remember that this album starts and finishes with JIMIN. And what he wants to say and express, this is his art, his emotions and his ideas, regardless of if he has help writing lyrics or not. To bring this back to my last paragraph above.... Passion as an artist is something plenty of people can relate to, but not everyone. Romance on the other hand is something *almost* everyone CAN relate to. And bringing those feelings of yearning and desire for passion and excitement and translating that into feelings of crushes, first love, romantic connect. Brings that full circle and is the outward Expression he chose to help represent the emotions and feelings he was trying to express through this album. I think it's also important to note that while Jimin expressed his desire for excitement and passion and how he is still looking for that.... He made sure to make it clear that he is happy and content with where he is at and who he is currently. These things can coexist!

Who in general could have some takes and theories about sexuality and what not, like anon said, I've definitely seen a variety of theories out there. I do think Jimin has long since come to terms with his sexuality though, but that doesn't mean that the inspiration from that couldn't still be drawn on. I can talk about that more in a post I make specifically only for Who. Soooo many things could be said for Who! Lol and if you've read this far, look forward to my post for Who and thank you for making it through my ramblings!!

[anemicjellyfish]

So I've been going over the likely possibilities of why Blitzø's gun heated up suddenly in Mission: Chupacabra.

My first thoughts were torn between it being interference from either Stolas or Asmodeus.

Stolas has used his magic to assist Blitzø's missions on Earth before.

Eagle-eyed viewers noticed a red glow of magic surrounding Stolas' hand in the bathtub, matched by a red glow around Martha's bullet in Murder Family. So he can use his magic to effect objects on Earth while being in Hell.

Stolas also interfered much more heavily in Truth Seekers, showing up in person when Blitzø & IMP were cornered and locked down by Agents 1 & 2. He had no issue with his possession of Agent 2 or controlling the unnamed agents to paint a summoning circle for him.

Personally, I think that despite the... "breakup," Stolas is the most likely culprit for the Hot Gun thing. But I'd like to give consideration to Asmodeus, because I think it's only fair to consider all possibilities.

I will tend to use the nickname Ozzie, because my phone's autocorrect hates when I type Asmodeus. Sorry.

While we don't know the rules and regulations of Ozzie and his Crystals, we do have to remember Stolas' line to Blitzø in The Full Moon: "You'll be under his [Asmodeus'] jurisdiction..."

I don't think they'd specify that to us without it being important later. Ozzie has also been a prominent figure since his introduction, and his relationship with Fizzarolli only deepens his importance to the story.

I could reasonably guess that either Ozzie himself has the ability to monitor the crystals & their location and use, or that he has people/a person to do that for him.

While I still prefer Stolas here, I could understand an interference from Ozzie. For whatever reason the show has, the existence of Hell needs to be kept away from humans until after they die. If one of Ozzie's Crystals is being used by someone as irresponsible as our beloved Blitzø, who gets caught by humans sometimes, it could put Ozzie at risk. It was ultimately his choice to give the Crystal to Blitzø (through Stolas), so the responsibility for any mistakes could fall onto Ozzie.

The main reason I don't think the Hot Gun is Ozzie? There didn't seem to be any interference in Unhappy Campers. Not only was Blitzø not in a disguise from the start, but Barbie also ditched her disguise in front of that human guy. Blitzø didn't have a Crystal of his own yet, and the one he used to get to Earth wasn't his.

I doubt the firework that killed the camp counselor was from Ozzie, but like I said, I'm open to the possibility that he keeps tabs on his Crystals & their use. Or, at the bare minimum, he knows when a user is in danger/fucking up, and interferes minimally to get them to safety.

Finally, I'm aware of the theories that Blitzø has had a previous relationship with a currently unknown Sin. I believe the fan theories mainly go with Leviathan? I'm not fully into this theory myself, but I've really only ever heard about it from Tiktok.

Since Blitzø's gun has that slight Pirate look to it, one of the aquatic-themed rings of Hell could be its origin. It could have an enchantment or powers we don't know of yet.

It could also just be a magic gun. Blitzø may have some mental connection with it that makes it respond to his needs.

Can't say for sure right now. But I like the idea of Stolas helping out. Especially since th assistance came shortly after Blitzø's line about sucking cloaca.

[archivalofsins]

It's nice to think of kindness- Wrong which Milgram character would kill you and why?

(Before we get into it, none of these are meant to be theories on what the prisoners did or why. These are just incredibly general statements on why they may possibly kill you with some references to canon. I don't want someone taking this thing I wrote for fun too seriously.)

Haruka: You take up all the attention even though you swear you don't. Then complain to him or near him about how unfair all this is and overbearing it feels to be fawned over all the time. He thinks it's bad to hate you, but you're pressing all the wrong buttons.

Yuno: You keep fawning over her. Well, not her actually, just whatever you decide to project onto her. It's at a point that she's certain you've made a completely different version of her up to love and she the person doesn't matter. She's kind of fine with it. You're clearly having fun, and who is she to be a kill joy. But you keep bothering her based on conclusions you jumped to and she's running out of patience.

Futa: You pretend like you care a lot about doing the right thing online. You know all the buzz words and playing the caring saint is second nature to you. Your reputation is spotless and from experience he knows that means you've probably got the worst shit in your closet. That you might be a hypocrite who puts on this nice rule abiding front just to excuse harassing others under the guise of anonymity. He's not entirely sure but he's dealt with enough bad actors to kind of see a pattern. It's none of his business though unless you point that sort of attention at him or someone he cares about. Which luckily you haven't, right?

Mu: You were just such bullied kid material. I mean look at you- Being the nail that stuck up and her the hammer that hit you back down. It could be for a lot of reasons. You're bad at reading the mood or you're good at it but just don't care to play along and indulge her. You're uppity and think things should work in some purely righteous or good way. You just can't let the people around you have fun. Why are you being so mean and judgmental, huh? It's not like Mu did anything wrong? Honestly, I think you kinda deserve this one- She's been nothing but nice and accepting of you and your whims but suddenly you wanted a high horse to ride when it came to hers. It's like you only care about something being wrong when it's convenient for you. It's either wrong when everyone does it or no one. Fair is fair, after all.

Shidou: I'm sorry you needed medical care and came to this private organ harvesting farm disguised as a hospital. It sucks that you came here for an out of your control health emergency, but he just can't help himself. Maybe this time, what he's trying to do will work out. You won't be alive to know, though. Take some solace in knowing he probably won't even remember your name after the paperwork is filed. This truly was a random act and nothing personal. Well, unless... No, it's best not to say. At least then you can pass on without the knowledge that your life was weighed like cattle for a state fair. Maybe your inferior existence can save another's superior one. Then your life will have really meant something even after all that. You just need to hurry up and die already so he can check.

Mahiru: You know I should feel bad for you, but how did you even start this? No, seriously? How did you manage to get Mahiru's attention. Even you don't know, it's not like you're particularly interesting. Honestly, you wouldn't even say you did anything that nice, just the bare minimum. Well, whatever you did, I guess you better keep it up. Who knows what will happen when she loses interest- Huh, where'd you go? Hmm... weird. They're probably fine.

Kazui: No. Man, you really have a bad habit of saying that word to the wrong sort of person, huh? That's unfortunate. It gets more and more difficult to let a person down easy these days. But damn didn't think you'd get killed over it. Well... Now you know how women at bars feel.

Mikoto: Is it really self-defense if all a person is defending is their reputation. I mean all it takes is a few ridiculous accusations to ruin a person's entire life these days. So, maybe- just maybe you should have shut the fuck up. Don't worry you won't be able to talk for much longer. His problem and you will disappear at the exact same time.

Kotoko: Why are you evil? Less than human in every way? Oh, I'm not asking that seriously. These are just the things you'd be wondering when she hunts you down until you have nowhere else to run. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, but you didn't think any of yours would make you deserving of something like this. But a crime is a crime. Evil is evil. This is just what happens when the same punishment is used across the board. You just never thought that board would include you.

[montecarloedexistence]

Driving myself Crazy for three hours trying to make an incomplete Smooth Particle Hydrodynamics Simulation in Python

The following post is a rant. I try my best to explain and dumb things down, but I'm writing it with too much frustration at my code so I apologize in advance.

For those who wanna go oooh colors changing pretty here's a short clip of the animation I generated. There's a longer simulation linked at the bottom of the post.

Read on about how I made the simulation under the cut.

Okay, so, Smooth Particle Hydrodynamics. It's one method of Simulating Fluids (gases and liquids and plasmas basically) with computers. It's mainly got applications in two places, from what I know. One is in Science Research, and another is in Game Development.

There are two major methods of representing a fluid for a computer, one is with Particles, and another is with grids. I tried to make a grid-based simulation but that has a lot more math, and I can't do math without some meth so here I am.

Okay, so Smooth Particle Hydrodynamics. How does it work? Well, like it says, it's basically simulating the constituent and then smoothing them out to sorta get the hydrodynamic behavior. [3]

The Ancient Indian natural scientist Maharshi Kanada [1] postulated that everything in the world was made of tiny little things indivisible things called Paramanu. Democritus proposed a similar theory, that all matter was composed of small indivisible particles which they called "atoms" [2]. The idea of smooth particle hydrodynamics builds on top of that. If everything is made up of these constituent particles, then so must fluids as well.

These constituent particles (particles henceforth) are nice. They don't break further, and they undergo elastic collisions. (ACTUALLY, the actual molecules that make up a fluid are not like this, we're just assuming that they are cuz this whole mess is complicated enough without having to simulate intra-intermolecular interactions). Elastic Collisions, basically mean that the particles, when they hit each other, they don't lose the energy of motion (kinetic energy). [4]

An actual Liquid is going to have MILLIONS OF BILLIONS of particles. Actually, we have a name for something that big, it's called a Mole. [5] One mole is like 10^23 particles. (10 times 10 times 10... twenty three times). But my computer is a useless piece of potato that can't even be used to make a goddam french fry, unless you wanna heat up the oil with how hot this thing gets doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Okay sorry for the tangent. It's like almost 2 in the night and I'm hungry. My point is that my computer can't keep track of one mole of particles. It's too many particles. So, what I say is, okay, out of the one mole of particles, I'm going to keep track of only like say, 1000 particles. And then whatever results I get, I multiply it with a big number and scale it up to approximate the results of one mole of particles.

So, I just put a bunch of particles, and then I have to keep track of their positions, velocities, accelerations, and all that jazz. So if you remember 8th grade there were these equations of motion, where you'd change the values of position, velocity, and acceleration using some formulae. [6] Those formulae are continuous, which means for fancy sphancy reasons (Remind me to write another post about this when I'm in a better mood about this one it's super cool) I can't use. I need to do something called Discritize the equations. [7].

For that, I used something called the Explicit Euler Method first. [8] That's basically a method that Euler came up with I guess so it's got his name. Why does the Wikipedia article on this thing not have a history section but a section on "In Popular Culture" wth. Someone pls edit it if you know the history of this thing anyways.

The problem with Discretization is that, the way you're implementing it in computers, it's not going to be accurate. There's going to be some errors and they build up. So normally when you drop a ball from a certain height, and ignore the fact that heat and air and friction exists, then the ball hits the ground, and bounces back, it should go back to the height it started at. But because of the errors from Discretization adding up, the ball kept losing height. That's not good. So I moved over and implemented this thing called the Runge Kutta Method. [9] These methods were developed around 1900 by the German mathematicians Carl Runge and Wilhelm Kutta. If you're looking at the wikipedia page for this and wondering what the heck is this, same gurl same. I just asked chatgpt to implement this method into my code and it gave out something that I think is correct I'm not sure. But the point is that this is better and doesn't throw that much errors in calculation.

Okay now that that's done, I threw like a 1000 balls onto the screen, gave them random velocities, put them under an arbitrary downward gravity, and hooray. That covers the particle part of the Smooth Particle Hydrodynamics.

(YES I know particles don't go through each other like they do in this simulation. I'm supposed to include some collision logic, and I could not be bothered to implement it yet, because it is 2 AM and I AM GOING CRAZY with just this much.)

Now, for the Smooth part of Smooth Particle Hydrodynamics. If only I could use this as an excuse to pull out my smooth pickup lines but I'll stick to the physics for now. Basically, one way of calculating density is, suppose I have a box, I can toss in say 100 balls, and then the density of the box is 100 balls / box. The box has some volume, so I divide this unit I've got with the volume of the box. And each ball has some mass, so I multiply the unit with the mass of each ball. And that's basically what I do here.

Suppose, I take a point and then around it, I draw a circle. I first count the number of particles in this circle, and then divide it with the volume of the circle. (There's a few more steps here but i'm not bothering. I'm giving more importance to the particles closer to the point and less to the particles more far away but that's a mess to explain and I can't think of a way to explain it.). And then I multiply and divide by the mass of particle and volume of the circle respectively, I end up with the density at the given point.

But that's just for one point. If you sit and plot it for as many points as possible, then you get something resembling the density function of the system. What I've done here is basically divide my domain into a 25 by 25 grid, and I calculated the density at the center of each of the grid boxes. The more particles and the More Grid boxes you have, the more smoother your function will be. Here, not so much. It's a pixelated mess, but the same logic applies. I calculated the density grid for each instant of time, and then let the simulation run for like 1000 frames.

FINALLY the plotting. I just plotted the points where they are with a scatterplot, and then the background I put the heatmap of the density. And of course I didn't bother naming my axes, because that's the standard practice for plotting graphs. (When you're lazy like I am right now. Always label your axes in a serious graph)

So here's the GIF I finally generated after the trials and tribulations going for like 1000 frames. Let's hope Tumblr can render it pls.

I cited my references in the order of the paragraphs I wrote so deal with the non-linear citations. This ain't a research paper and it's way too late in the night for me to be bothered about this sorry. Why did I even bother with the citations if I was going to half-arse this thing anyways this is why you don't write stuff when half asleep.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ka%E1%B9%87%C4%81da

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atomism

[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoothed-particle_hydrodynamics

[4] https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elastic_collision

[5] https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_(unit)

[6] https://byjus.com/physics/equations-of-motion/

[7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discretization

[8] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler_method

[9] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runge%E2%80%93Kutta_methods

Okay yeah that's about it time to sleep for me. I just wanted to finish writing this post before I could sleep, cuz I know for a fact I ain't goina be in a mood to write it once I wake up. 100% gurantee I'll lose the motivation to write it once i wake up lol.

[steddiewithachance]

Will You Still Need Me?

Summary: Steve Harrington is avoiding telling his professional-musician-boyfriend, Eddie, that he's going deaf because he's worried about what will happen when he does.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Or Read on AO3

May 12, 1992: Today

Jeff:

Jeff sighs tiredly when he hears a quiet knock on his door. He sets his book down and pulls himself off the couch causing the new leather to crease and croak under his weight. He grabs his wallet off of the kitchen counter, thumbs it open, and picks out a few dollars on the way to the door. He's expecting it to be the pizza he ordered twenty minutes ago which is why he's stunned into silence when he clumsily swings it open to find Steve hunched over with red eyes and messy hair. 

Steve’s obviously been crying, which scares Jeff like a punch to the gut because, in all the years of knowing each other and touring together, Jeff can't remember ever seeing Steve cry. He feels frozen. Steve looks down at the cash in Jeff’s hand and gives a watery smile.

"That for me, boss?" Steve asks, reaching for the money playfully. Jeff pulls it back instinctively before realizing that he made a joke, and gives a sort of delayed scoff. 

"Sorry man, I thought you were the pizza guy." Jeff steps back, pockets the cash, and opens the door invitingly. Steve nods and steps inside. He toes off his shoes and points to the living room.

"The place looks awesome fully decorated, dude." Steve's padding the impending serious conversation with small talk about Jeff’s new apartment. It's like he's trying to put Jeff at ease when really it should be the other way around. Steve's always been selfless like that.

"Oh, yeah thanks, I think so too. And thanks for helping me move all my stuff last week, couldn't have done it without you. Roadie of the year." Jeff watches as Steve's face falls at that. Oops, what'd he say wrong? This is why no one should trust him to comfort people, he always messes up. 

Jeff takes a seat on the couch and pats the spot next to him. He's working through theories in his head as to why Steve's been crying and why he's shown up here. The first theory is that Steve and Eddie broke up. This would be pretty unexpected because Jeff knows about the promise ring that Eddie is hiding back at their place. He knows that, at least in Eddie's eyes, their relationship was on the trajectory to last.

Steve takes a seat on the opposite end of the cherry leather couch and runs a hand through his hair, it's an anxious tick that Steve does a lot, and it explains the messy look he's sporting today.

The second theory is that Eddie just said something stupid and it hurt enough for Steve to seek reassurance from someone who has known Eddie for twelve years. This is the more likely theory, and it's gonna end in a disappointed phone call from Jeff to Eddie once Steve leaves. All of the Corroded guys are very much aware and slightly envious of what a good boyfriend Eddie has. 

Steve is caring on a bad day and downright devoted on a good one. He has stood by Eddie's side through thick and thin with steadfast loyalty and understanding. And nobody lets Eddie forget it, not that Eddie takes it for granted, but Steve has spent years bending over backward to support Eddie's dreams and acclimating to the touring musician's lifestyle. It's really sweet.

"I'm sorry I came over unannounced. I know it’s shitty of me. You coulda had someone over." Steve sniffles and wipes his face with the sleeve of his oversized sweater. Jeff hasn't really been on a date since he broke up with his last girlfriend, who didn't want to do long distance when the band moved. 

"No, it's totally fine. You're free to stay and have pizza with me." Jeff offers, sinking back into the couch, trying to project a calm energy to Steve who is fidgeting and scanning Jeff's face carefully.

"I-" Steve starts before he presses his lips together tightly and tilts his head toward the ceiling, barely holding back tears. Jeff hates when his friends are sad, he feels kind of like a kid seeing a parent cry for the first time. You don't really know how to help and it's deeply unsettling.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" Jeff whispers softly. He places a gentle hand on Steve's shoulder which startles Steve. His eyes shoot open and he focuses in on Jeff's mouth. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Jeff apologizes, embarrassed. 

"No, you're fine. I just... I went to the doctor today," Steve begins. 

A siren goes off in Jeff’s head. This may be a much more serious conversation than Jeff feels equipped to handle. 

"And I know everyone has been getting annoyed at me for asking them to repeat themselves all the time." Steve's fist hammers against his thigh. Jeff's not sure if it's Steve is punishing himself or if he's trying to hold back from crying. Should he reach out to interfere?

"And I expected them to tell me that I have a little hearing loss, no big deal, but they said-" Steve chokes out a sob and a tear falls down his cheek quickly, like a little shooting star. "They came to the conclusion that I have severe and progressive hearing loss. And they said there's a good chance I'll lose my hearing altogether." Steve's voice pitches up at the end, and Jeff's heart drops.

Steve is full-on crying, shoulders bouncing, hands covering his face, and Jeff instinctually wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him into a hug. He knows that if Steve's best friend, Robin, didn't live across the country Steve would probably go to her about all this. But since Corroded Coffin relocated out west, Steve's support system right now is pretty limited to the members of the band. 

Jeff tucks Steve under his chin and rubs circles into his back while he shakes. He's trying his darndest to be what Steve needs right now. A small asshole-ish part of him is smug that Steve came to him and not Gareth or Grant.

Jeff holds him for a few minutes, telling Steve it's okay when his breathing stutters. After a little, Steve pulls back and wipes his eyes with his tear-soaked sleeves. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to c-cry so much. This is embarrassing." Steve hiccups. 

Jeff shakes his head earnestly. "No need to be embarrassed, Steve, let me get you a tissue."

Jeff springs up and slides into his room to get the box of tissues. 

When he returns, Steve is trying to compose himself. He hands the box to Steve who takes it gratefully. And right before he sits down again, the doorbell rings. 

Goddamn it.

Steve turns around to look at the door and then up at Jeff to inquire as to whether or not Jeff is going to open it. He leans down and takes Steve's hand.

"I am so sorry, Steve, let me send them away so you can continue." He apologizes, horribly annoyed at the interruption. He shoves the cash into the pizza delivery girl's hands before closing the door in her face and tossing the warm box on the coffee table.

He rejoins Steve on the couch and looks at him with the most comforting expression he possibly can. 

"Anyways, the reason this has me so fucked up is because it's obviously gonna affect Eddie. Like I'm not supposed to attend any loud concerts anymore." Steve immediately crumbles again and brings his knees up to his chest. "Just my fucking luck too because of course the one thing I can't do is attend my boyfriend's concerts. I don't know what's worse, not being allowed to go to his shows anymore or knowing I won't be able to hear any of his music in a few years." 

Fuck, this is tough. Jeff rubs Steve's knee supportively and then grabs the blanket hanging on the back of the couch and wraps it around Steve's shoulders.

"Eddie's not gonna want me anymore." Steve finally whispers, admitting the root of his worry, the heartbeat of his pain, and the thesis of why he's here. It's a foolish worry, Eddie's obsessed with him. 

"Steve, that's not true. You know it's not true. Eddie loves you so much." Jeff argues.

Steve shakes his head and curls further into a ball, gasping and shaking with the fear that Eddie might not want him after this. Jeff bites his fingernails. How does he tell Steve that Eddie has a pseudo-engagement ring hidden in one of his boots tucked deep in their closet and is fully prepared to emotionally commit to their relationship without actually telling him any of that?

"I mean what kind of musician would want a boyfriend who can't even hear him play? He asks for my opinion on his songs all the time." 

"Steve," Jeff squeezes his shoulder and waits for Steve to look up so that he can continue. "You are so much more to Eddie than just a pair of ears. He will not leave you over this, there's no way." But Steve looks unconvinced. 

"Did he ever tell you about the swim meets?" Jeff asks with a mischievous grin. This was one of the stories that Eddie had sworn Jeff to secrecy about when he started dating Steve. Steve furrows his brow and shakes his head. 

Before he starts telling this frankly forbidden story, Jeff flips open the pizza box and inches it toward Steve in case he's hungry. Steve hesitantly takes a slice.

"Well in high school, Eddie would drag us to these swim meets, Grant and I. And at first, we had no goddamn clue why. It was hot, overcrowded with jocks, and so unlike anything Eddie had ever expressed interest in before. But then you walked out in a swimsuit and it all made sense. He saw you and blushed so hard dude... He made us go to every single meet of the season. He even got the crazy idea of trying out for swim team just so he could be bossed around by swim captain, Steeeeve Harrington." Jeff regales, and Steve sends him a wide-eyed disbelieving look. Jeff nods emphatically. 

"And then in the summer, he dragged me out to the community pool every other day hoping you'd show up. You, of course, had your own pool that we didn't know about.” Jeff smiles at the memory. He misses the simplicity of high school sometimes. “The idea of wearing a swim cap eventually scared him off, but he was so absolutely delusional that summer, thinking he'd enjoy being on the swim team or even make it on in the first place. Wayne surely got a kick out of the idea."

Steve is looking up at him, hiding a smile behind his slice of pizza. The amusement is contagious. Jeff starts laughing at the memory, glad he gets to share all of Eddie's embarrassing "Steve moments" with the man himself now.

"All this to say, Steve, Eddie went out of his way to be around you before you probably even knew his name. Eddie thinks the world of you, he won the boyfriend lottery and he knows it. You have nothing to worry about." Jeff assures him and feels like he did a good job when Steve blushes at the compliment. But maybe Steve's anxiety about being a burden extends beyond just Eddie.

"I know the guys would all be willing to learn sign language if you needed us to." Jeff continues, "Plus they make these really big ear coverings that you can wear at concerts to block out loud sounds. We can ask your doctor if you could still watch so long as you're wearing those." 

Steve puts down his half-eaten slice of pizza on top of the box and gently envelops Jeff in a kind hug. Jeff smiles into his hair.

"Thank you," Steve mumbles into his shoulder. Jeff pats his back good-naturedly. 

"Eddie's gonna kill me for telling you the swim story. You better start writing me a nice eulogy, Steven" 

Steve huffs at that.

Steve:

Steve unlocks the door to his apartment and slinks inside. He's emotionally exhausted from the day, but he already knows he's gonna have to tell Eddie everything before bed. There's no way he'd be able to sleep without getting things off of his chest. He'd feel guilty and gross about keeping Eddie in the dark.

He feels better after Jeff's, a little at least. But Steve just has a gut feeling that even if Eddie says they're okay, he's still gonna be disappointed. Nobody has the spare time lying around to learn a new language, least of all Eddie, if things come to that. And music is truly such a big part of Eds’ identity and their relationship that he can see his boyfriend pulling away. 

It flashes behind Steve's eyes like a nightmare: Eddie throwing himself into work more and more, spending less time at home, leaving Steve behind when they travel for shows. And it all ends with Steve abandoned and alone in a big empty house again, but quiet in a way he's never known. 

Steve kicks off his shoes at the entryway, habitually, and Eddie slides around the corner with a sweet smile. He scoops Steve into his arms and kisses the crown of his head with an exaggerated ‘muah’.

"Hi baby, I missed you," Eddie says lovingly. Steve wonders what it would be like to forget Eddie's voice. The thought spears through him painfully. 

 Steve stands still in the embrace, arms hovering at his sides. He doesn't want to cry again, he's cried so much today, but his throat is burning with it. His eyes are getting blurry. 

Hold yourself together, goddamn it! 

Eddie steps back and takes Steve’s face in his hands, brushing the first tear when it falls. Eddie looks up anxiously at Steve. 

"This is about the doctor's?" Eddie asks, but it's delivered like a statement and he already knows the answer. Steve stands quietly, watching Eddie look back and forth quickly between his eyes, seeking answers. Steve squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn't see whatever face Eddie makes when he nods. Eddie immediately pulls him into a crushing hug, rocking them back and forth. 

He pulls away, which feels like a funeral to Steve, but luckily it's just so Eddie can grab his hand and pull them towards the bedroom. He sits Steve down near the headboard of the bed so he can sit in front of him, legs crossed.

"Talk to me." Eddie requests.

"I’m going deaf, Eddie." Steve expresses with none of the eloquence he had at Jeff's place. 

Eddie folds over at the news, covering his eyes with a hand. He takes a big shaky breath and when he pulls his hands away he's teary too. Steve doesn't know what that means: Eddie crying. His thoughts are racing about how this conversation might conclude. Jeff was confident, but Steve is terrified.

"Did they say what caused it?" Eddie's voice cracks. He pets his hands up and down Steve's thighs. 

"Mix of head trauma and loud music probably," Steve responds dismissively like it's obvious. But for some reason, Eddie breaks, keels over, and starts crying into Steve's lap. Steve rests a hand on Eddie's back, palm to spine, a little bit in shock.

Eddie pulls away so Steve can read his lips; he relies on it these days. "I'm so sorry Steve, this is all my fault." Eddie cries. And then Steve feels doubly terrible because he didn't even consider that Eddie would blame himself for it. "All my fault."

"It's not your fault. It's all those concussions I got as a kid."

Eddie grabs Steve's hands, kisses them, and holds 'em to his heart. "It's partly my fault, the loud music, the random concerts I dragged you to that you didn't even want to go to. I feel fucking terrible about it." 

“I did want to go. You never forced me.” Steve argues and pulls his hands away from Eddie’s hold.

“Not always. I could tell you were just being a good sport about getting dragged to ‘em sometimes.” Eddie pulls the collar of his sweatshirt up to hide his face in it. 

Steve crosses his arms. He wants to cut to the chase.

"So where do we stand?" 

Eddie lowers the sweatshirt to watch him for a moment, trying to decipher what Steve is asking him. 

"What do you mean?" Eddie shakes his head confusedly. Eddie drags a sleeve across his face.

"Do you still want me or not, Munson?" Steve slouches back against the headboard. Eddie lurches forward, eyes wide.

"Do I still want you? What- you think I wouldn't want you anymore?" Eddie sounds equal parts angry and heartbroken. 

"I don't know, you tell me. If I wasn't allowed to go to your shows anymore, if things got so bad that I couldn’t hear your music at all, if you had to learn sign language or whatever just to talk to me, what use would I even be to you?" 

Eddie flops his hands against the bed sheets, frustrated.

"Use?! It's not about being useful or being convenient. If you can't come to my shows anymore, I'd miss you but I wouldn't hold it against you! I know for a fact being with me hasn't been easy or convenient for you, but you never complained about any of the shit you had to deal with." Eddie pauses, "I'm kinda hurt you think I'd abandon you after I feel like this is my fault to begin with." 

"Well, I wouldn't want you to stay with me out of pity!" Steve's voice is embarrassingly shaky. He hates fighting with Eddie but sometimes he doesn't know how to de-escalate, the overwhelming emotions just bubble out of him like magma. 

"I don't want to feel like I'm holding you back. That's- that's what it was like with my parents. All the resentment- it stings." Steve sniffles.

Eddie nods knowingly, realization washing over his face as he seems to take it all in and get what this conversation is about now. Eddie takes a deep breath and starts over. 

"I love you, Steve. So much. I want to spend my whole life with you." Eddie wipes his eyes and rubs the sadness into the bedsheets. "I'm not going anywhere. I'd pay a million dollars for a hearing aid if you needed it. I'd take ASL classes with you for years, I'd even fucking quit the band if that's what was best for us." Eddie reaches out and squeezes Steve's thigh. "It's not about pity or obligation. You're my person, okay? Whatever you need from me I'll give you. Easy." 

Before Eddie's even finished talking, Steve is sobbing again. He shifts and crawls into Eddie's lap who happily pulls him in and cradles him soundly. 

"Okay?" Eddie asks and Steve nods. 

They stay like that for a good long while. And now Steve feels gross for doubting Eddie, to begin with, but he needed to hear that they were okay from Eddie himself. 

"Jeff told me you'd say that. I'm stupid," Steve breathes into Eddie's neck. 

"When did you talk to Jeff?" 

"Just came from there. I was scared about what you'd say." Steve pulls back to make sure Eddie's not mad. "He said you wouldn't break up with me."

Eddie's brows crease and he bites the inside of his cheek. 

"You never have to be scared of me, Steve." Eddie runs a hand through Steve's hair softly working out tangles. "I'm glad he was there to help, though. He was right."

"'M sorry for doubting you, Teddy. But if you change your mind I'd get it."

"I'm not changing my mind Steve, never changing my mind. Want you forever and ever." Eddie sighs into Steve's sweater. Eddie has said it before, the forever thing, but it was before Steve had this big medical issue looming over him so inevitably. A part of him settles, knowing Eddie's flexible about the future. 

And well... Steve can't not bring it up. "He also told me you perved on me at all my swim meets, freak." Steve smiles when he feels the man under him go rigid and gasp dramatically. 

"No, he did not!" Eddie blanches. Steve fiddles with the necklace clasp resting at the top of Eddie's spine and nuzzles his cheek against Eddie's temple. 

"I could give you some private swim lessons if you're still hellbent on making swim team." Steve teases.

"You're such a little shit. And Jeff is dead to me. I'm finding a new rhythm guitarist. Is nothing sacred? Traitor!" 

"He knew you'd say that too."

[i-wanted-a-salad]

OK, I've been holding onto this for a while and am finally ready to share my TGWDLM theory.

Ready?

Emma is infected.

Well, infected but not a part of the hivemind.

First of all, she gets better at singing. In the first scene in Beanies, when she sings "I've been brewing up your coffee", her voice isn't great. But in the next scene in Beanies, her voice is so much better when she sings "Black coffee, I'm your coffee gal" and 'Cup of Roasted Coffee'. Of course, she could just be not trying in the first scene, but then why does she try in the second scene? Also, she said she was up all night learning the dance, which I don't think she would bother with. I think this is the infection slowly influencing her. However, there is the fact that Emma didn't know the end of the dance. But since Emma is infected but not part of the hivemind, I think she just wouldn't know it cause Zoey and Nora probably learned it from the hivemind.

Secondly, what Paul says to Emma at the start of Inevitable is interesting. He sings "Emma I'm sorry you lost your way". He is part of the hivemind, so he'd know that Emma is infected. She hasn't joined the hivemind, so he thinks that she has lost her way by resisting.

Finally, she interacts with the audience. We know that the infected can break the fourth wall (when they announce the end of the scene at the end of Lah Dee Dah Dah Day). Before she's taken away, she's pleading with the audience. At this point, the infected haven't done anything to her, so the only way she could interact with the audience is if she's infected.

There is a few small things that stop this from being a perfect theory. If she's infected, why doesn't she sing well when asked to sing the beginning of Moana? I can only assume it was out of self-preservation, as if someone had just shot someone who sang well, you wouldn't sing well around them. If she can't sing before being infected, why/who was she in Brigadoon? Not sure, maybe she didn't have a choice, maybe she was in the ensemble.

I also don't really know why Emma would be like this. Why is she out of all people the one immune to the hivemind? I could make up a bunch of angst to explain it, but maybe she's just like that. Human bodies are weird, so maybe she's just the exception.

But hey, that's just a theory. A TGWDLM theory!

Anyway, this is just a fun little theory I came up with. Feel free to poke holes in my theory, just remember to not take it too seriously.

[fuesch]

Agatha All Along 1x06

Oh, look who's confirmed to be Jewish. Now everybody who's been prematurely ranting can chill. Yay!

It's a magick mitzvah even. Is that an actual thing or are they witchy Jews.

A golden lion embroidered on that dark fabric - I'd love to be normal, but how can I when it reminds me of the silver tigers on the jacket we first saw Peter in?!

WTF, Billy's dad looks like a bearded version of Director Hayward to me. Those eyes are way too similar.

Billy's met Lilia before?! Okay, so he's not Billy M. yet and the way Lilia is talking makes it seem there'll be no merging of the Billys, the original B. Kaplan will actually die. How depressing.

I can't believe the sigil came from Lilia! And why?!

Whoa, the Hex exists already. The original Billy K. only just got that prediction from Lilia and has so little time left. There wasn't much "now" to enjoy anymore. D:

Whoa, Wanda had even broadcast on radio! AFAIR I never thought about that other people might pick up that signal! There must be some out there still watching with antenna or dish, who have actually seen Wanda's show.

Oh, his parents actually call him William. Well, that's a nice way to differentiate the characters without involving last names.

Alice!

If nothing is physically wrong with Billy, does that mean he has healing powers?

Poor freshly reincarnated Billy having a really bad and confusing time. And his new parents as well. :o(

Billy and Eddie making out - I'm slightly scared of going into that AAA tag now, there'll be so many disappointed Agatha/Rio shippers who thought it would be their ship doing the smooching.

"Nothing in my life has felt normal until I met you." Awwwww.

Woah, I'm starting to think there was actually something to those theories about ep 5 being Billy's trial. In his room are the Eastview pennant and the chain of tetraeder-covered lights we saw in the trial house.

A "trans lives matter" poster in Billy's room. Of course he's a good boy.

Ooh, Billy did some research. "Strange occurences persist to haunt Westview residents" Interesting, tell me more!

Avengers training exercise gone wrong. Uh huh.

I didn't watch the mid-season trailer, but saw a cap on Twitter. The quality wasn't great (which kept me from brightening it in Photoshop, as there was nothing more to see), but I did see some hair sticking out from under the hat. Hey, you know who has somewhat long hair? And that outfit is so unlike Peter, that it's gotta be his disguise. Today I saw a post on my Twitter timeline linking to an article about Mr. Bucket Hat's identity and couldn't resist. I held the mouse over the link to read the URL and had my confirmation. So I changed my plans and instead of doing preparations for stuff, I watched the episode.

Was super excited when I saw that the episode link on D+ is a cap of Billy & boyf in an underground garage. Which, you know, is the place where one would meet someone who's hiding their identity. And despite seeing this announced in that cap, I can't believe it's Billy meeting Peter. I mean, they're multiverse family, they've met before, yet neither knows this, ARGH!

What was Mr. Bucket Hat throwing and then putting in his pocket? My first thought is something with a sigil on it, but then he wouldn't remember Westview.

Bohnerrific69. Sorry, I LOLed way too loudly. But should you use that name when you're hiding from the authorities and maybe others?!

IS THAT WHAT THE BEARD WAS FOR?!?!

"Randall" isn't any better, Randy! Somebody give this man some help coming up with aliases!

"Bub"? Hmmmmm… boy, do I wonder where Horny Stiffy picked up that word. What a mystery, we shall never know.

OMFG, Peter, what did they do to you?! The Hex was such a bad time for him that he's still having a bad time 3 years later. My poor baby. I wonder if all the protection stuff he has all over actually does something. But if not, at least it should ease his mind somewhat.

I wonder if there's anything interesting on his shirt. Anyone know what it says?

Agatha stole your house? Baby, that belonged to WitSec. Maybe he really does have a sigil, but it only works on his actual identity, not the Hex one. I mean, it looks like he's been to a witch, so maybe while there he asked to forget who he is so he wouldn't miss his old life in his own universe. Does he even know he's run away from witness protection? If not, that would explain the unwise choice of screenname.

"I was a terrible influence on Wanda and Vision's kids." No, no, you were the best uncle! That's really not something to feel guilty about.

Agatha had Peter poison Sparky! FFS, Agatha! "Woof" - "Hey!" I second Peter's comment.

Hearing Peter say speedster gave me heart tickles.

He has a one-man show! So 1. He really seems to think the identity Monica uncovered is his real one, 2. He's not hiding, WTF?! No way WitSec didn't find him. Maybe they leave him alone because he's living under an alias and his show isn't popular enough to attract attention?

Poor Billy thinking Wanda and Vision are dead. But as long as he can't remember them, it shouldn't be that bad.

Oh, so Agatha caused disasters in the non-magical world too. And she's Jolene?!

"Fun facts: Murdered her entire coven." Fun indeed!

Billy really is on the Road for Tommy! Oh, right, as a survivor of the Witches' Road, Agatha would be very useful. I had forgotten about that.

Wait, has Agatha always been wearing that Bohner family reunion shirt ("pitch a tent" XD) when she was at home with Rio?! Dammit, I feel a mighty need for that shirt now. They better give us that merch. Never mind, thanks, @xmcu-fietro!

Okay, but that shirt means that the name wasn't a creation of the Hex, holy shit! Are you telling me WitSec seriously gave him that name? Peter must have managed to piss them off beforehand.

Joe Locke was so close to losing it in that "poking the bear" scene. But since he kept it together, they could use that take. Good for us, hee.

The actors seemed to have fun. I guess that excessive pen clicking was also improvised.

"I do not wanna go back in the closet." XD

So the sigil was still working when Billy suspected his real identity, as well as when he said it the first time to Agatha. So what would finally break it?

Agatha manages to free herself from the mud. And what about Lilia and Jen?

Billy with the hoodie of shame. He's really is so much like his mom.

"It's nice to see you again, Billy." The soft way she says it sounds like she means it. Did she always like the Minimoffs or did she just decide to adopt him because she had suspected him to be Nicky?

Huh, the sigil is broken, but I don't understand how. Sure, Billy just crushed it the thing it was on, but that won't have done it. Ugh, I have no patience, dig up Lilia and make her answer my question!

Just after the topic of body count, Agatha asks where Billy got his new body. Whoa, what if he thinks he killed William? I mean, maybe she does, but I hope he doesn't.

"all that power you can't control without throwing a temper tantrum." Your multiverse grandpa would be so proud!

"She chose a town full of strangers over her own flesh and wires." I mean, she kinda had to take down the Hex, there wasn't much choice, Agatha. Not to mention that witch that nagged her into it.

Tommy is out there, Billy can sense him! *mewl*

"Gosh, you really are a Maximoff. Otherwise none of this would be nearly as dramatic." XD But this is why we love them!

The pathetic way I was waiting for Evan Peters (huh, look at #6 being the Peter episode again) to show up in the credits in hopes of getting hints about the character from the background image. It's just the Westview map with the Hex.

[blue-rose-soul]

Hello there again! Sorry, looks like i only send long asks to you i promise that i'll try to be briefer after this one...

I was rereading your posts about how alastor's reputation would be altered and torned both in the Devil's Bastard and Raised Together AU's,and with that i came with a thinking:

Would people start thinking that Alastor started the killing spree of overlords by orders of Lucifer?

Look just think with me for moment here:

This seemingly super powerful sinner comes out of nowhere,makes most of the overlords simply disappear,basically transmitting their last agonizing moments and wrecking the status quo, and after years of doing that he suddenly vanishes for 7 years, only to his first public appearance be backing a hotel based on the whims of the delusional princess. The same hotel that 6 months later becomes famous for being the responsibles for fighting back the extermination for the first time since ever! And who are seen helping them ?

Rosie, probably the only public ally that Al has (and depending if and when she died can very well be his mentor).

Carmilla, who even if already was a overlord before Alastor, possibly still benefited from his little "adventure" (it seems like a smart move for every rising overlord in a season of ovelords going scarce to arm themselves with something that can permakill whoever is doing that.)

And Lucifer himself (remembering that considering how isolated he is is perfectly possible that this is the first time that people see him in centuries).

And suddenly the cat is out of the bag! The Radio Demon is a royal bastard. Would people start thinking that lucifer ordered alastor to get rid of the useless overlords to give more power to these useful ones? That Charlie opening the Hotel was a way to prepare for a war in place that they know?

i know that this seems far-fetched but,hey,until the last extermination, so was the idea that angels could be killed,or that Alastor would want anything to do with redemption

I can even see Vox pushing for this angle! It would destroy Al's reputation as this umpredictable destructive creature even more,giving him a rational reason for why did he do that and making him seen subservient to someone else, specially if that someone is his father!

Suddenly he's not Alastor The mysterious Radio Demon anymore, he's Alastor daddy's little murderer.

Imagine how Alastor must feel insulted by that!

Again sorry for this wall of text.

Apologize for nothing! I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this.

But yeah, those are some of the theories that start flying around in the wake of the reveal. The way I see the Vees spinning it is that the Morningstars are looking to incite a war between Heaven and Hell, not only to remove the threat from above but to limit the power of the demons below them. Basically, ascribing their own plans to the royal family, since it seems like they were trying to incite the rest of the Overlords to fight while they sat back in their tower to watch the carnage.

These rumors wreak havoc on Charlie's attempts to build the hotel's fragile reputation. There are Sinners who are on board with the idea of fighting against Heaven - especially now that they know that angels can be killed - and who come to the hotel to fight, but Charlie doesn't want that! She can't accept anyone who isn't coming to the hotel for redemption, but now people don't believe she even believes in redemption. They think it's all some kind of political ploy. And on Alastor's side, the rest of the Pentagram is now acting as though he's a nepotism baby who tried to pass himself off as a self-made man. Never mind the fact that he didn't know Lucifer was his father until recently, that Lucifer never gave him shit growing up, and his power is still his power.

This is without mentioning the possibility that Alastor was acting under orders when he went on his Overlord murder spree. Just not Lucifer's orders. There's a case to be made for the interpretation that Alastor did it under the direction of whoever holds his leash, and for the interpretation that he did it of his own free will. In this AU, I think it would be more fun to have the first interpretation be true, because it means that as these rumors are flying around, people are unknowingly hitting far too close to the truth than Alastor is comfortable with.

[away-ward]

im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

[blitz0hno]

are Mikoto and John both new splits??

sorry if someone has had this theory before but anyway I feel like Mikoto may have had some level of awareness of his DID before his crime. Like not much, but just enough to know he can dissociate enough to "forget."

If Midokoto (green Mikoto) is real he's part of the very first one we see in MeMe, particularly the "boku WA boku wo"/"I will save Me" line. Not that he "split" on purpose, absolutely not. But if he already knew he tended to forget things, and put his mind to forgetting his first victim, then John and Mikoto both likely came of that. What remains of him, if he existed, is likely dormant, feeling nothing but the weight of the murders.

Splitting typically happens over time, and isn't a one-and-done thing; it's likely that Host Mikoto is there because he himself was fronting before the amnesia walls went up. This is where things get confusing as we don't know how exactly the splitting process is interpreted by Milgram. We're a system and can barely make heads or tails of it. It doesn't make sense that Mikoto would be the only one before John if John formed in adulthood. It would however make sense that Mikoto is the only alter John *knows,* which is why I'm led to believe that at least one more lays dormant.

I believe the Mikoto we know now is what became of the old host, who split into someone "normal" like he was before the crime, an alter who accepted the "necessity" of violence despite not understanding the crime himself (if John's pitiful but valiant attempts at defending Mikoto in the VD are to be believed), and what's left holds the memory of what really happened, and is now dormant. It's even possible that he or John is a gatekeeper of some sort, meaning it's their job to keep world-shattering memories from the host. Since Mikoto himself is now walled off, but he's the one in Milgram, it's reasonable to assume that John split from him; but since neither can seem to remember what really happened, and memories can't just disappear and are held by other parts in a system, there's got to be someone who has the final piece. And sure, that someone could be Mikoto. He would at least know a motive if he were to kill someone, and whether he admits it out loud or not he himself may think about it, considering it's his job to be Socially Acceptable.

Mikoto CAN be a two-alter system, but I'm not a fan of how Milgram implied that John split in adulthood without really addressing the "lifelong" aspect. While it could be a trick to see who does their research and catches the inconsistencies, there are already far too many misconceptions about DID accepted as fact by the general public. That said, we know what the characters know and from that angle I think it's really cool how it's all so murky and ambiguous, because that's how it feels for systems figuring themselves out in real life. Traumatized people, after all, are more likely to be put into a position of "commiting crime" because they are victims themselves, not because they feel like that behavior is acceptable but because the situations they end up in tend to mimic what they've been exposed to since day one. Obviously this does not count for willful violent crime but for crimes of self-defense, impulsivity or other emotional dysregulation, horrible horrible miscommunication etc.. Milgram seems to understand that much at least so don't take this or any other theory too seriously. I feel like our boys are in good hands because first and foremost the narrative treats both of them like people. This is just one idea of how Mikoto's system could work.

There's also this thing which could mean nothing but I interpreted it as possibly a diagram for how his system works, the circles being literally more rounded parts and the distorted ones being underdeveloped. There is NO textual evidence for this just a cool circle. It would be funny if 009 has 9 parts in total but again nothing else to back this up so far.

[the-unrelated-theorist]

...but nobody came.

Man. So many characters in these games have major abandonment issues.

Flowey with "nobody came", which the Echo Flower dialogue confirms is him speaking from experience, feeling like Toriel forgot all about him, or worse, was glad to be rid of him.

Spade King saying the Lightners left the Darkners behind and forgot all about them.

Jevil being locked up and having no one to play with.

Spamton saying he was left to rot at the bottom of a dumpster.

Susie telling Kris in the "New Girl" post that someday someone would take Kris away and Toriel would forget all about them, or even be glad to be rid of them. Susie is definitely transferring her experiences onto Kris.

We don't know what Kris said to Susie in "New Girl", but one theory is "I know," or "Good." While this is only a fan theory (and one I don't agree with), it is worth noting that "...but nobody came" also appears in Snowgrave Spamton Neo whenever Kris calls for help.

Gaster was lost in the void, shattered across space and time. And now no one remembers him, except for his followers, who can't even speak about him directly without fear. (I'm including Jevil and Spamton as Gaster followers- they certainly came in contact with him.) This is just my own headcanon, but I often imagine Gaster waking up in the void, and his first thoughts being, "Where am I? It's so dark, and so cold," screaming, crying, begging for help... but nobody came.

For each of these characters, even if the exact dialogue isn't used, they all have an aura about them of "...but nobody came." All of them have at some point felt alone, trapped, and helpless, and nobody came to their rescue. Granted, this hasn't been positively confirmed for Susie, but given that she almost quotes Flowey when she screams at Kris, it's easy to deduce that she also had a "...but nobody came" time in her life.

And so many other characters face rejection or abandonment, as well. Toriel divorced Asgore in both timelines, leaving him desperate to see his children and his wife again. Shyren lost her voice when Shyra fell down. Maddie and Mettaton both ran off to fuse with their own bodies, leaving Napstablook alone. No one can remember Ruins Dummy's name. Mettaton was Alphys' friend until he became a big... heh, sorry, I almost said "big shot" (fitting, tho, isn't it?). So Alphys felt abandoned until she met Undyne... and then if you kill Undyne, Alphys disappears, apparently having committed suicide. Snowy left home because his mother fell down and his father hated his jokes, so Snowy felt abandoned. Ralsei is described as "the lonely prince." All of the Darkners feel abandoned by the Lightners. Queen divorced Spade King because he neglected her. Spade King pushes Lancer away- or, possibly, outright abuses him- so Lancer calls Rouxls his "Lesser Dad," even though Rouxls largely pushes him away, as well. Papyrus...

Papyrus...

"Forgettable." Still striving for a double-digit follower count on Undernet. Can't get into the Royal Guard. Works himself to the bone but can't get any recognition, much less a friend. May have "left home due to happiness." And most important, has a brother who is willing to avenge his death.

Everyone loves Papyrus. Everyone knows his name. More people talk about Papyrus than about his brother. holidaygirl1225 is asking everyone if they know how to find his egg again. Undyne is Papyrus' best friend. Alphys thinks his posts on Undernet are hilarious. The biggest differences in the ending for neutral runs fixate on whether you spared him or killed him. He even becomes king if he's the only one left alive. Why does Chara call him "Forgettable"? Why does he not think he has any friends? It's honestly a bit like Susie saying, "Why would anybody really wanna be my friend, anyway?" Except that he never lets himself say exactly that- but his whole attitude of "I can't make any friends, I have to work hard for people to like me" says it all.

It's like he does have an abandonment issue, but he's not giving in to it. Did he... Was he... was sans the only one who ever came when he called? Is that why these two are inseparable?

Much as I would like to leave this essay on this dramatic note about everyone's favorite skeleton, I also want to mention Dess. Most people believe that Dess is the one singing, "Don't forget, I'm with you in the dark." This feels like the exact opposite of "...but nobody came." How is she holding onto hope? Even though a lot of people miss her, nobody's looking for her anymore. They've all moved on. All except... her sister. Can Dess see Noelle searching for her? Who exactly is with Dess in the dark, anyway? The player, I presume, but could it be someone else?

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

That one recent question about Amethyne RSV gave me another one; how would the event be if Lance ever met with one of the Amethynes?

Let's just say the family had something to do with the adventurers. Maybe they tried to established a new Ferngill Republic department of defense, or a private security company that specializes with monsters (it's just a prompt that I randomly came up with, I'm sorry if it sounds dumb 🥲)

They need someone they can consult with, or even better, establish collaboration. For some reason, they managed to contact Lance (either they asked Farmer, or just knew him since from one of Victor's heart event, Lance seems to be the type of adventurer who is famous and approachable due to his friendly nature)

I can imagine, since from what I heard somewhere, Lance came from a noble family. So he knew pretty well high society etiquette, but never show them to anyone because of his humble personality. But when he met the Amethyne, he unconsciously let those etiquette lesson seep out (again, this might sound dumb, but I just love a situation where Lance unknowingly let others see his nobility side, especially to other noble that doesn't know his family and known him only as an adventurer)

Thank you for reading my super long rambling

Yes yes yes yes! Y E S !

Be aware, dear anon 😅 also super long rumbling:

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I definitely remember discussing with someone the possibility of Lance meeting the Amethyne family (at least one of them, like Maive), as the Farmer's spouse, not on official business. But this event is entirely possible!

Because if you recall the events in SVE, civilians can hire adventurers as mercenaries and bodyguards, and it doesn't violate the rules of the Guilds themselves or the Order. How exactly this happens, and whether it is somehow documented (by contract) is unknown, and yet it is there. Gunther was able to hire a Farmer to accompany him to the Mines, so why can't other adventurers do such a thing if it means extra profit and glorification of the Guild's name?

The north of Ridgeside Village is teeming with monsters, and although ninja assassins stand guard, they don't officially show up anywhere. Also, people are realizing that monsters exist, which means that if the problem gets to be too big, it's time to call in the professionals. And since the Amethyne family are (officially or not - I can't say) patrons of Ridgeside Village, looking out for the very community, like Lenny, they will send urgent letters to verified Guilds, offering work in the "cleanup".

Maive would definitely push for an urgent meeting with the Guild heads or deputies, as she wouldn't allow a possible threat to Ridgeside Village, plus the area covered in monsters could be utilized. I came up with this "Maive want an expansion everywhere" theory, because I vividly remember meeting her at the resort on Ginger Island, and the first thing she said was about "expanding the resort and creating a tourist spot here", or something like that. That surprised me a little bit. I don't know why the hell our Madame thinks she can do whatever she wants, but apparently she has enough power and the means to do it, she feels so confident. So Maive can do the same with Ridge Forest.

Now the question: which Guilds will respond?

The famous Castle Village was the first choice, since it's all professional monster hunters (also the prices are sharp, as Morris confirms when he hired them for Spirit's Eve, but it's not a problem for wealthy noble family), but due to some personal factors, Camilla said no. Okay, whatever, Maive will complain, and starts looking for other options later. The Adventurer's Guild is the most logical option, as the headquarters is not far away, but Marlon is unlikely to agree to deal with this family of demanding aristocrats, even for a lot of money (his own nerves are more important). And The First Slash Clan comes to mind.

Jolyne could safely let Lance, as her second-in-command, negotiate such contracts if it meant a benefit to the First Slash itself. Given that our pink-haired adventurer is smart and well-mannered (we won't mention here the possibility that Lance can be a smug bitch), his charm, silver tongue and friendly nature, he will always make good deals, Jolyne trusts him to do so.

Maive will invite Lance to a meeting at her mansion for dinner because that's what the rules of hospitality in her house require (also headcanons, because idk how this things works). Madame was morally prepared for all the antics of the guest, considering adventurers rather rude in communication and ill-mannered. Anything to bargain for the work. And what was her surprise when Lance spoke to her according to all the rules, as a civilized man, knows table etiquette perfectly and in general a very pleasant and polite person. Maive's discerning eyes wouldn't miss it all. The conversation somehow touched on Lance's personal life, to which he would politely and modestly confirm his pedigree of noble adventurers.

So now the adventurer from First Slash will take care of the monster problem, because Maive is sure that at least one of their guild members can be dealt with properly.

She won't ask about Lance in more detail about his life, because with all due respect, these are rather personal matters and her upbringing doesn't allow her to go overboard. But it will be allowed if Lance also happens to be the husband of Farmer, best friend of all Amethyne members and grandchild of Maive's old friends. That's where she learns all the details.

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I apologize if my rumbling got a little chaotic, but I've always been in favor of the idea of Lance interacting with the Amethyne family and what would come of it. Thank you again for your interesting thoughts, I really enjoyed rereading your ask! 😊💖