#somedays im like go fuck yourself leave me alone fuck off other days im like i need just one person to let me cry with them when i get bored

[vanweezer]

crazy city population 1 (me) (kingsley)

[lesbiansanemi]

the projection of your internalized transphobia is literally radiating off of you. leave trans men alone holy fuck we can't even speak about our oppression without someone who isn't even a transfem yelling about how we're taking the spotlight or something. while many transfems actually pitch in and are glad that we talk about things that never get talked about in the trans community bc yes it is mostly passing binary white trans women who get the spotlight 99% of the time lmao. like not only are u speaking over trans men ur also speaking over trans women who benefit from these conversations. idek why i'm writing this tbh im just holding onto some small hope that maybe you'll listen but i really hope you just grow out of this separation type mentality abt other trans ppl. no ONE type of trans person should get the 'spotlight' literally everyone's trauma and ways of talking about our oppression deserve attention equally bc erasure is not cool or sexy. im sorry that it seems like u have trauma or something from ppl who happened to be trans men (im guessing transmeds?? but those literally affect trans men too lol) but literally what makes you think that making an over generalization that all trans men are violent misogynists or something is not transphobic??? like ur not owning the evil trans men ur literally just vilely transphobic. like i genuinely hope you realize that someday or something. for the record this isn't supposed to be hate, i just wish you guys would see how terrible you treat trans men, like ur literally pointing out someone's marginalized identity on why u hate them. idk man just... we are supposed to be allies not enemies. please just find it in yourself to see that. if you wouldn't make that overarching statement about other trans people/marginalized groups, then genuinely why is it okay to do to trans men? just think about that. have a good day.

1. You are putting words in my mouth I did not fucking say, and 2. You are ignoring the ones I did

I never said binary trans men couldn’t talk about the issues they face. I never once said that anywhere. I never once said I hated trans men. I never once said being a trans man made someone a “violent” misogynist

What I DID say was that the community of trans men had issues with misogyny (internalized or other) but that any time someone pointed that out, they were accused of being transphobic (exactly what you are doing right fucking now)

Criticizing a community for an issue within it is not “hating” them and it’s certainly not hateful or transphobic. You are the one reacting in such an extreme way to someone criticizing an aspect of your community. If I see misogyny (internal or otherwise) from trans women or genderfluid or non-binary ppl or or or I’m also going to point it out. I’m not “hating you” for your identity. I never said “hate” anywhere. You are blowing a valid criticism of your community way out of proportion to paint me as nothing but transphobic so you don’t have to consider your own biases

A lot of trans men ARE misogynistic (some internalized, some not). A lot of trans men ARE transmisogynistic. A lot of trans men (ESPECIALLY gay trans men) are lesbophobic

I’m saying this as a trans masc person who has tried interacting with your community and people in it a lot, and has dealt with these issues on multiple occasions in multiple ways

You are also proving my point that you don’t see afab nonbinary ppl as “””””really”””” trans in comparison to binary trans men from the way you’re talking to me. MY experiences don’t count, obviously. MY opinions on the trans community don’t matter because I’m not REALLY trans cuz I’m not a binary trans man and therefore basically cis, right? That’s what you’re implying, after all! I’m “talking over” the REAL trans people

As a trans masc person, saying “wow, this community has a lot of unchecked transmisogyny” is not speaking over transfems. Transfems have SAID this and pointed it out and you don’t fucking listen to them either

You’re right. We are supposed to be allies. But if we are to be, you need to accept that other marginalized subgroups within your community are sometimes going to point out that you have your own biases to examine, and when they do, maybe you should actually think about that and consider it rather than scream “YOU SAID SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ME THEREFORE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A RAGING BIGOT WHO FUCKING HATES ME BECAUSE OF MY IDENTITY” You can’t just accuse everyone of transphobia if they say something you don’t fucking like

And I’m not even gonna touch the “cis passing white trans women get 99% of the spotlight.” Like wow. Not even trying to hide the transmisogyny there bud huh. That is such a generalized blanket statement that is not true in ANY capacity. Also very funny of you to go on and on and on about how “spotlights” don’t and shouldn’t matter when it comes to oppression and then say that. You are just… proving my point. You want a reason to get bitchy about trans women so bad you will literally make them up

Don’t come into my inbox, do exactly what I was saying the community had a problem with, make assumptions about my so called “trauma with trans men”, accuse me of being “vilely transphobic”, and then tell me to have a good day

As I said in my original post, gay trans men be fucking normal about women for once, and don’t accuse everyone of being transphobic when they point out misogyny in your fucking community

[yaomomvs]

TAKE OUR HAND

seijoh x manager!reader

in which aoba johsai vbc just wants you to take their hand, just as the many times they have reached for yours when they needed it

pls i’m sorry i just wrote this for comfort, in having a terrible week and so, i just really need my seijoh boys to comfort me even if it’s just in my head and just so you know, and as i’ve been trying to convince myself, things always get better

tuesday, [15:56 pm]

“nice kill yahaba senpai!” kindaichi congratulates his upperclassman.

his voice makes you react, it scared you. still holding your pen and the notebook you always carry around even on normal practice days, your hand threatens you in the most scary way possible.

fuck no, just... breathe.

you are quick to leave aside the notes, and so, you look around to the boys, who just after the coach’s whistle sounds they are quick to approach your spot.

you take the water bottles as quickly as you can.

“oh y/n-san, i know we are irresistible but you can’t just slack off admiring us!” makki teases you laughing.

“if our dear manager is admiring someone is obviously me” oikawa says, before taking a sip of his bottle, slightly making you blush even more.

“i don’t think she likes idiots who still watch youtube conspiracy videos at 3am”

“iwa!”

“weren’t you the one with a secret obsession for romance manga, iwaizumi?” it’s mattsun time to expose his friend. iwai mi doesn’t hesitate and he runs directly to matsukawa, while kunimi brings out his phone to start recording the chaos in the gym.

you don’t listen.

your head hurts, and then, you once again feel this weird thing in you stomach. you have been feeling like this for the past week, and you try to ignore it . but sometimes, you just want the world to stop.

you can’-

“y/n senpai?” watari calls your name, and you notice his furrowed brows looking at you, worried. you blink and correct your posture. you had just zooned out. “is everything ok?”

“ah yes watari kun!” you force your self to sound relaxed because you feel the sudden gaze of the entire team “i was just thinking in a smart way to insult oikawa, but i’m worried he won’t understand tho”

“hey! you said i was your favorite”

you fake laugh once again assuring everyone that you were just fine. the day goes on, and somehow is becomes more difficult to just stay down not worrying about anything.

and they notice.

you don’t walk home with the guys today. instead you run to the bus not before excusing yourself with an ‘urgent family thing’

“just please don’t let makki eat so much ramen today!” you giggle as you run to the bus “i’m not in the mood to dealing with diarrea!”

“that was a secret between us darling!” the pink haired guy screams cheeks blushing.

and maybe you were just too distracted, but before you face them away some of them notice how quick your smile fades.

“you know guys” yahaba is quick to say “call me crazy but, why did she lie?”

—

wednesday, [10:22 am]

when was the last time you actually enjoyed school? not practice, but school itself. seeing numbers everyday in the board that you don’t understand is frustrating. your throat hurts, there’s has been a not there since the begging of the day.

swallow it, y/n, dammit

you decided to take this class, don’t blame the world, blame yourself. isn’t it supposed to be simple? why isn’t it being simple? is that... 

"Square root of 57 is equal to Xo, miss" 

"alright!" 

it is not like it’s a race, you want to say. why was the teacher obsessed with speed?, it’s unfair. your time is not the same as that of others. 

you drop the pencil and you recline in your chair, why couldn’t you do operations and analysis as fast as they could? you take a look around and the eyes of others look frightening. you see ambition, you see security, you see admiration.

the bell rings and you just want to run, and well in a way you end up doing it. leaving your homeroom, you tell your friends that for today you want to be alone, the halls of aoba johsai are big, for your fortune or misfortune. you go to the vending machine and when your drink falls, the minimum noise makes you startle, lately it’s like that, small noises or actions affect you way too much.

and iwaizumi notices it.

you don’t make a single move, it’s just the cold drink resting on your hands. and before iwaizumi could stop mattsun, he was already putting his hand on your shoulder.

“y/n!”

the orange juice spills and once again fear takes hold of you.

you see them both, you’re not stupid and you know hajime stares at you weirdly, and now mattsun, you hide your fear it a bit worse than yesterday, but you do anyways.

"someday, Matsukawa-san, YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME! and what will you do without me?" you try to say cheerful, wanting to take away the suspicion, for a moment it works.

"flunk history, that leads me to..." 

"no, sweeheart, i won’t give you my homework" 

you walk and both guys follow you, one faster than another, very naive of the situation. "I begin to believe you hate me," says Mattsun, as the three sit on a bench near the school cafeteria casually encountering kunimi who quickly joins you, patting the folds of your skirt as you sit down, you rest on the table and admire his needy expression and as the tantrum of mattsun grows.

minutes go by, your chest pain grows, but somehow you know how to let it go.

 with your hands supporting your face, lunch passes between you and kunimi, you try to talk, you really try. 

but still, your eyes just glow, and kunimi notices how it’s not the glow you always have.

—

thursday [12:03]

your head is spinning, you can feel the cold sweat. will this be the time? why do you feel so small? why can’t you say it?

it’s familiar, you recognize this feeling, an ocean, you’re floating, you know you can swim, but, you’re in the middle of nowhere, you look down. Out of nowhere the intimidating depth of the ocean is beneath you. And then, you sink. You feel like you’re drowning, you feel like you’re fighting the tide, but you just can’t do it.

i just need...

no, it’s not time yet, it’s still training. the boys... you’re the one who should take care of them, you’re the one who has to be be fine. they had no time to lose, they had a goal and for the moment that was the most important thing.

On that bench, your gaze is absent, you know it is so.

and through the window that overlooks your classroom, oikawa notices it too

“y/n...” he mumbled.

of course he’d noticed. at first it was not so clear, but now he remembers.

when kindaichi pinned your dark circles to him, while admiring you by fitting volleyballs in a way not of your own.

makki watches oikawa from your side, you don’t even know the pink-haired guy is there, unaware that he’s sitting next to you. but he notices. he’s been noticing for days that your eyes are threatening to close in the middle of class.

hanamaki catches your attention and instantly that mask you’ve been wearing for weeks appears again.

"hanamaki, i’m fine"

it doesn’t convince them. they both look out the window and nod.

oikawa notices, and god, he wished he had no reason to.

—

friday [14:00 pm]

breathe.

please just... breathe.

you’re fed up. the feeling of guilt and discomfort is still there, can’t you be calm? people don’t need to know, but why do you want to shout it?

the dressing room is alone, the girls from the soccer team are out and it’s your only chance.

the team needs you, hold on a little.

your footsteps are heard in the hallway once again, a symphony you’re tired of listening to.

your chest hurts, your heart is aching, but you just need a little more. hands are shaking, the cold in your body, you need to stop.

you have to make them stop.

but when you walk into the gym, even with your eyes down, all you feel is warm. and it’s because, the boys were standing, aligned begging for you.

no, they beg for your sake.

and everything stops.

one hand from him on your neck, and one hand around your shoulders.

because oikawa, without warning, now has you in his arms.

and then, only then, you break.

tears don’t take long to come out, along with desperate sobs. your legs fail and out of nowhere, you and oikawa are on your knees.

with an alarmed look, the whole club runs towards both, surrounding you as sensibly as possible.

"i’m sorry, i’m sorry I’M SORRY" is heard from you, between hiccups.

“love, listen...” iwaizumi approaches you,somehow he managed to catch up with you, somehow he managed to hold your hand.

"i promise i didn’t want to, but i can’t, i can’t anymore, why can’t i? i try and i try and i keep trying but it’s never enough! IM TIRED OF SEEING SOMETHING AND NOT BEING ABLE TO PROCESS IT LIKE THE OTHERS. I’M TIREDD OF NEVER FULFILLING WHAT I SHOULD”

yahaba’s heart aches, and just as most of the team, is shocked.

your hands, oh your adorable hands, those hands that bandage his in the middle of an important game, he sees them shaking horribly between iwaizumi’s.

“AND I’M SCARED, WHAT IF I LOSE YOU BECAUSE OF THAT BECAUSE OF ME? BECAUSE OF HOW I AM I-“

watari is quick to place your hair gently behind your ear, a kunimi covers you with his jacket.

“I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I DONT RECOGNIZE MYSELF” you lower your voice, its cracked now “oikawa I don’t recognize myself, I want to be me again" you whisper, and a knot appears in the captain’s throat, and he puts a hand on your cheek "please... just let me be me again" your throat burns, your eyes get redder.

the gym goes silent, your words still echoing in everyone’s head.

“why didn’t you-“

“i just couldn’t” you blame yourself cutting oikawa off “look at us! we are waisting time on me when we should be- i’m the one who has to- im you support not-“

“hey hey, love...” iwaizumi whispers his voice is filled with sweetness, letting you sit correctly and softly rubbing his thumb in your hands “how many times have you been there for us? y/n your hand is always there”

“that’s true” kyotani says, finally saying something, emotions overwhelmed him a lot, but he genuinely wanted to help you.

“there’s something about you, there’s light” kindaichi follows up.

“no matter where, or how bad we are, somehow you always are helping us stand up” mattsun also tries to carefully approach you, he wants nothing more for you to feel safe.

and oikawa’s arms were still around you. he never stopped.

“we have reached your hand so many times, so now it’s time for you to please take ours” oikawa holds you face, and you see the sincerity and kindness behind his brown eyes, it feels like home.

mattsun does a sign asking the coach for a day off, both of them smile tenderly at you and give the green flag. iwa and makki are next to hold you carefully helping you stand up. they help you stop shaking but it’s mad dog the one who wipes your tears away with a tissue watari handled him. still not knowing if he did it the right way. you still feel kunimi’s scent. you still see kindaichi holding your school bag making sure nothing is missing. yahaba is the one bringing you water. and oikawa still refuses to let you go.

all of them feel like home.

“thank you”

and that’s how you know everything is going to feel fine.

because this club was yours and you were theirs.

this was home.

[yslkook]

TiO (8)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: jungkook is a man of mystery and you take him on a date.

pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc

warnings: cursing, alc, excessive use of pet names, a shitty relationship, unprotected sex (pls use protection, these two are being foolish) , some choking, grinding, making out, oral

word count: ~6.3k

a/n: if you want to be tagged, send an ask plz. would love to hear your thoughts. a big thank you to @cutechim for creating the texts for me lmao<33

***

Jungkook remains tight-lipped about what it was he had done over the weekend, when he had gone with Jin and Mina to a tattoo convention a few hours away. They had ended up staying the night there, and while Jungkook wanted to ask you to come with him, he wondered if it was too soon to ask. After all, you were both still enjoying each other’s company at your own sweet pace.

Eventually his little secret gets put on the back burner for the rest of the week. You were supposed to get bubble tea with him on Tuesday, but unfortunately a last minute work issue with your client and your application came up. You’d ended up working late, your eyes screaming in fatigue and went straight to bed that evening. He had understood, of course he did.

On Thursday, he was supposed to grab lunch with you at a cafe that he thought you might like, but this time it was him who had a conflict. His older sister had showed up to the tattoo parlor without any prior notice. She does this every so often, when things aren’t going well with her on again, off again shitty “boyfriend”.

Jungkook had sighed, cancelling on lunch with you to spend time with Jooyeon and comfort her with fried chicken and ice cream. You had sent an understanding thumbs up and a promise to call him later and end up having lunch with your work wife, Kira instead.

Kira who doesn’t fail to point out the glow in your cheeks and your general aura, even though it’s been nearly a week and a half since you saw Jungkook last. You roll your eyes and ignore the flames in your cheeks (and her laughter), and change the subject to your work projects. She tells you about some of the coding issues and compliance issues she’s been having with her software, and you tell her about the hours you’ve been pouring into your application for your client.

It doesn’t bother you that Jungkook hadn’t asked if you wanted to meet his sister. After all, he’d told you bits and pieces about her and her relationship. And in the last few weeks, your relationship has blossomed so beautifully. There was no reason to rush, you think. You’ll meet her hopefully under better circumstances for her.

Jungkook spends most of the evening with Jooyeon, letting her cry herself to sleep in his bed. His sister hardly ever cries like this, with sobs full of pain and hurt because of another man. But it’s been happening too much lately, too many fights and too much of Joo losing herself. It makes Jungkook see red more often than not. He knows what you’d say- that she needs him more than anything else and to not be so impulsive.

He makes sure Joo eats a warm meal before she falls asleep and he shoots you a text:

Jungkook: baby

You: hi

You: everything ok?

Jungkook: no, joo’s bf is a fkin asshole

Jungkook: she’s sleeping

Jungkook: miss u

You: im sorry baby :( can i call you?

He jumps at the chance, the sound of your voice and sight of your pretty face on video call instantly calming him. Jungkook is sure to wear a beanie to hide his surprise for you (but you don’t question it. After all, you’ve seen him in beanies plenty of times before and it’s dim in the apartment.) He moves to the couch, asking softly for you to tell him about your day. You recount every single detail from memory, shifting under your covers to tell him about how you had nearly stumbled down the stairs in front of your manager’s manager because you had missed a step.

It pulls a soft laugh from him.

“Jungkook,” You say quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even know what to say,” Jungkook sighs, “She’s just… Byung-woo and her have had this on and off thing for years now. He won’t commit to her and she just refuses to see him for what he is. Like, when it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, it’s awful. I wish she’d fucking see it for herself. I don’t know what to do anymore, baby.”

“Oh, baby,” You murmur, wishing you could hug him, “All you can do is be there for her but be honest with her. She’ll come around soon, hopefully. It’s hard to see past a shitty person sometimes, when all you want is for them to love you.”

“I hope so, too,” Jungkook says, “She’d love you, you know?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“Don’t get a big head,” Jungkook chuckles, “Maybe you can meet her someday. Under better circumstances, I mean.”

“Really? You want me to meet your older sister?” You ask softly, feeling a little flustered, “That’s serious.”

“I told you, baby,” Jungkook soothes, “I’m serious about you.”

“Yeah. Seriously crazy about me,” You giggle to yourself. You know if Jungkook was with you, he’d flick your forehead.

“It’s true,” He murmurs, “Maybe I can see you this weekend?”

“Yeah, you still have to show me what you did over the weekend! Take care of Jooyeon first,” You reply, “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll drop stuff off, just tell me.”

“I will,” Jungkook promises, “Sleep well, I miss you.”

“Sleep well. I miss you.”

***

Jooyeon ends up leaving on Saturday morning after a lecture from Jungkook and with determined resolve in her eyes. You jump at the chance to take him out tonight, knowing how stressed he’s been the last few days.

You: be ready at 6:30 tn, im taking u out. and dress slutty

Jungkook doesn’t know how to interpret your text when he reads it. He considers asking Mina and Mei what this means, but ultimately leaves it alone. Replying to your message with a quick thumbs up, he busies himself with getting ready to see you (and surprising you, finally after a full week of wanting to show you what he had done.)

Once you parallel park your car (which takes far too long than you’d like to admit), you grab the small bouquet of purple roses that you had gotten for Jungkook and text him saying that you’ll be up in a few minutes.

Taehyung had caught you struggling to parallel park, and had told Jungkook with a snicker. Which earned him a punch to the arm.

There wasn’t a particular reason that you had chosen to get purple roses for him, other than the fact that they reminded you of him. You hope he likes them.

Jungkook hears a soft knock at the door, and can already envision you behind it. He hopes you like his surprise, the one he’s been teasing you for a week about. You had given no hints of what you would be wearing- you had only sent him one selfie that didn’t give much of a hint into your outfit. He has no doubt that you’ll look gorgeous, but still.

Maybe Jungkook’s nerves shouldn’t be this intense, but he can’t help it. He swings the front door open, only to be greeted by you swaying on your feet with your hands held behind your back. His heart throbs when you pull your hands apart and present him with a beautiful bouquet of purple roses.

How ironic.

“Hello,” You say with a small smile, suddenly feeling a little shy and gasping when your eyes land on his hair, “Wow. You weren’t kidding…”

His hair is tied back into a ponytail, but it’s unmistakably elegant and so violet. Two neat pieces of his newly dyed hair fall into his face effortlessly, but then your gaze reaches the piercing on his left eyebrow. Your lips remain parted in surprise and without thinking, you reach up to touch his hair. It’s still soft, as it always is.

“Come in, baby,” Jungkook says, taking the roses from you, “You must really like me, huh? Got me flowers and everything?”

“Shut up,” You mutter, cheeks heating up, “Don’t get a big head.”

Jungkook only grins wolfishly at you and winks at you, eyes unashamedly glued to your ass. You roll your eyes, and swat his shoulder as you watch him put the rose in a vase and place it in the center of the dining table.

This isn’t the first time you’ve been in his shared apartment (that he lives with Taehyung and Jimin in) but you somehow feel shy in his presence again, as if it was the first time. The first time you had been here with him had been the first time you had spent the night at his apartment several weeks ago, after a night out with your friends.

You let your gaze wander, curious eyes settling on the subtle matching of the furniture and the cleanliness of the apartment. There’s not a stray speck of dust in sight, but maybe you’re distracting yourself from addressing the pretty purple of his hair. Your mouth is dry, and you’re probably drooling a little. You wonder if Jungkook prepared for this, the same way you did (in that you had washed your car, cleaned every inch of it and gotten a new car freshener).

A faint scent of fresh laundry and lavender sits in the spaces of his home. It calms you and gives you the boost to turn your eyes to him.

“Thanks for the roses, baby,” Jungkook says, giving you a smile and starry eyes. He pulls you into his arms, your back against the counter. “Surprise. Do you like it?”

“Uh,” You mumble, brain deciding to short-circuit with the way he looks at you. His smile turns into a smirk, deciding to further render you speechless by pressing himself closer to you and cradling your neck. He’s careful not to touch your face. He doesn’t want to mess your makeup up terribly, at least not yet.

“I know you like my hair. Your face says it all, baby,” Jungkook continues and ducks his head for a quick kiss, “You’re pretty.” He does quite like this dress, light blue and dotted in small flowers with thin straps. His eyes are instantly drawn to the drawstring at the center of your chest and he quells the urge to pull at it.

Jungkook’s mouth waters when he sees the side split of the dress but you want more from him immediately, but he pulls away to your chagrin. Even with the simple kiss, the burgundy color of your lipstick stains his plump bottom lip.

You shiver. It appears that he tried to take your words via text to heart- to dress slutty. He’s wearing a loose animal print button up, with the top three buttons undone. It gives you a delectable view of his pecs, his collarbones and a hint of the tattoo on his right side. As if you weren’t already weak in the knees for him as it was, he wears a black coat and tight, leather pants.

Jungkook pulls it off, like he pulls everything off and the purple hair blends seamlessly with his look. Tonight, he’d opted for two silver hoops in each ear and a thin silver necklace to match.

Your knees are weak, they’ve been weak since you had seen him in this offensive outfit and his hair, his new piercing that was clearly an attack on your entire existence.

The purple hair. The piercing. He’ll be the death of you tonight, you know it. Your legs are wobbly, panties already probably a little wet just from seeing him and from a few of his kisses. But you can’t help it. Without thinking, you press your lips to his, drawing your tongue into his mouth eagerly. You are so hungry, so eager to devour him and drink up anything that he offers you. Jungkook tugs you closer to him lightly by your waist but-

“Seriously? Right in front of my dinner?” Comes an amused voice from behind Jungkook and you nearly screech at the familiar sound of Jimin’s voice.

“I- I didn’t-You-” You stammer, feeling your face heat up to a degree that it’s definitely never heated up to before. You hide behind Jungkook to fix your surely wrecked lipstick. You’re certain his own lips are probably comically smudged with your lipstick as well. “Sorry Jimin, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know, we’ll leave-”

Jungkook only rolls his eyes at Jimin’s wide smirk and knowing eyes. He hears you scolding Jungkook for not telling him that anyone was home, to which he promptly responds “well, you didn’t ask!”

Despite the very natural and easy flow of conversation between you and Jungkook in your car, you still feel overheated and jumpy, your fingers incessantly tapping on the steering wheel. It’s not Jungkook, it’s you and your own nerves. It’s not the first time you’ve gone out to dinner with him and it’s certainly not the first time you’ve had him in your car. If Jungkook notices, he says nothing.

“Where are we going, baby?” Jungkook asks, looking at you. You don’t meet his eyes, choosing instead to focus on the road despite being at a red light.

“Umm, that place you mentioned the other day. The one we talked about trying together,” You say softly. Jungkook can only wonder why you’re a little quiet, but he thinks he knows. You slip into your head so easily and he doesn’t mind gently tugging you out of your thought cloud and into reality with him.

“Can you help me park,” You mumble sheepishly, “I get nervous parking in such tight spaces.”

“Yeah, pull over here before it’s impossible to,” Jungkook murmurs. You nod and do so, hopping out of the driver’s seat to switch places with him. But before you can get in the passenger’s seat, Jungkook grips your wrist loosely. You look at him curiously, with wide eyes and he drops a kiss to your lips, swallowing your surprise.

“You’re so pretty,” Jungkook murmurs, “So fucking pretty, baby. I love this dress on you.” You preen at his praise, leaning forward for another kiss with a shy smile. He subtly squeezes your left tit before letting his hand travel downward.

“You look really good, Jungkook,” You murmur before he kisses you, “I-I really, really like it. A lot.”

He gently caresses your thigh from under your dress, the heat of his hand shooting straight up your core. Jungkook slips his tongue into your mouth quickly, coaxing your endearing nervousness away. As if you both aren’t pulled over to the side of the street where cars are passing you by (and surely wondering why you both were making out like this in public).

“Are we gonna be those people who have a roadside quickie,” You laugh, gently pushing his shoulder when you pull away.

“Roadside quickie? Get your mind out of the gutter,” Jungkook says but his lips twist into a wicked smirk, “But hey, if you wanna give me road head, I’m not going to complain about it-”

“Ha, you would be so lucky,” You scoff, feeling your nerves beginning to ease out of you, “C’mon, our reservation is soon. And then we can talk about road head.”

Dinner goes perfectly and after a glass of wine you feel those inexplicable nerves wash away. What did you have to be nervous for anyway? It was Jungkook- Jungkook who you’ve known for years. Your friend before any of this. He asks you about work, how your application is going-

“Your client sounds pretty demanding,” Jungkook muses, “You keeping up with it okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m not even an application engineer so I’m just learning as I go. My true roots are data and data science but I get to see all of it. Which is cool. But also time consuming, like the other evening, I had to read up on the compliance regulations. But my favorite thing is creating modeling and programs for this app, it’s really cool because it’s healthcare specific. So I’m learning about that sector as well, it’s mostly python but we’ve been doing testing with different healthcare providers in the area and they’re all responding really well to it-” You’re rambling, you know it, but your passion for your career knows no bounds and Jungkook makes no move to stop you. He only smiles at you, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching, gesturing for you to continue.

It’s funny. Not even a few months ago, you would have cut yourself off from your own rambling. In an attempt to convince yourself that the other person didn’t need to hear about it. Maybe that was Sora’s subconscious influence on you. Today, you don’t think twice about it, glowing and shimmering under the dim, blue lights of the restaurant as you tell Jungkook more about your job.

He makes your heart race and he’s sitting right in front of you. Your chin is in your hands as you listen to the pretty words slipping out of his lips. He’s so dreamy, and you struggle to not let your gaze stray from his eyes and linger on his exposed tattoos and chest. You don’t even know where to look, deciding to settle on the way his newly purple locks fall to his forehead just perfectly.

“What do you wanna eat for dessert?” You murmur, looking at the menu and cautiously allowing your foot to brush against his.

In hindsight, you should’ve seen it coming-

“You,” Jungkook says easily, as if he’s talking about the weather.

“Corny,” You roll your eyes, but nudge his foot again. You end up deciding on sharing a slice of decadent, chocolate mousse cake. Which Jungkook ends up finishing off when you satisfy your sweet tooth after a few big bites.

He leans over without a second thought, thumbing away stray cream from the corner of your mouth. Your tongue darts out to lick the tip of his thumb and he looks at you with wide eyes before grinning roguishly.

“Wanna get outta here, baby?”

“Should I take you home, Jungkook?” You ask, finding the courage somewhere in the remnants of the glass of wine currently evaporating from your system to take his hand in your lap once you’re both settled in your car.

“Do you want to take me home?” Jungkook asks with a quirked eyebrow.

“I have some wine I think you’d like at my place. I just got it,” You say a little breathlessly, “And I have to inspect something, I might need your help.” Jungkook laughs, a little derisively and you pout.

“You don’t have to bribe me with wine, baby. You know I would’ve been down regardless,” Jungkook says, squeezing your hand, “What do you need to inspect? Do you have a leak or something?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a leak alright,” You say under your breath, thinking about the growing wetness in your panties, “My man just showed up here with purple hair and an eyebrow piercing, looking like a damn model after one whole week. I have to inspect him.”

“Oh, is that so? In that case, I would love to be your lab rat. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t seen the inside of your bedroom before-”

“Who said you’d get that far?”

“I already did, baby. Did you forget?” Jungkook’s smirk widens, eyes sparkling with mischief. He gently cups your face, thumb on your chin and hovers just over your lips. You think he’s about to kiss you, so you close your eyes in anticipation of his lips on yours.

But it never comes. Instead, his breath fans over your cheeks and he lets out a low laugh. “I sure didn’t forget, and I know you didn’t either.”

You roll your eyes and swat his hand away, ignoring (but letting out a smile) when he chuckles. You decide to hold his hand for as much of the drive back home you can.

Jungkook’s hands are on your hips even as you’re fumbling with the keys to your front door. He’s a distraction, his warm heat plastered against your back and the simple act of opening your damn door feels like too much of a chore. When Jungkook’s lips glaze over the back of your neck, his fingers roaming your waist, it’s difficult for you to focus.

So Jungkook scoffs and turns the key for you. “Can’t open the door, baby?” Jungkook taunts and you level him with a glare.

“It’s not my fault you can’t keep your hands to yourself in front of my door!”

“You like it,” Jungkook says, shutting the door behind him and hugging you as you try to walk away from him to wash up. You escape his grip with a giggle and lock yourself in your bathroom, while Jungkook waits with a disgruntled pout.

When you come out, you head into the kitchen to pour out two glasses of wine and bring some snacks out. You’re not particularly hungry, though you wouldn’t mind eating and you’re sure Jungkook wouldn’t mind either.

Your train of thought is of course interrupted by the man himself and he wraps his arms around you from behind, pushing you into the counter. One might say that Jungkook is being clingy, but you know this is how he shows his affections. Through physical touch more than anything else. And you quite like it, you like the reassurance of his body close to yours. It’s what you’ve always wanted and never known that you needed.

“Missed you,” He breathes into your hair. Even if he’s been with you for the last few hours… You understand him. It feels like you’re both making up for lost time. For time that you could’ve spent together, rather than apart.

“Me too,” You murmur, “Can you take this to the couch, honey? I’ll bring the glasses and the wine.”

Jungkook hums and kisses your temple, squeezing your ass before heeding your soft demand. You sit next to him, thighs touching, and pour out a glass for both of you to enjoy. You lean against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his bicep and turn the television on. But neither of you are really paying attention.

“Hey,” Jungkook murmurs, “I had a good time tonight, baby.”

“Don’t I know it,” You say smugly, “It’s not everyday a pretty girl takes you out for din-” He cuts your words off by pulling you into his lap, somehow not spilling even a single drop of wine in the movement. You would’ve killed him if even a hint of a wine stain appeared on your velvet couch.

You press your hand into his shoulder, the hint of his tattoo and the glint of his piercing catching your eye. You swirl your glass of wine with your other hand. “What a precarious position to be in,” You say dryly, even grinding your hips into his playfully. He gives you a look, and stills your movements with one hand on your waist. Jungkook sets his glass on the coffee table behind you and cradles your neck, pulling you down for a sharp kiss. It’s almost desperate and needy, nothing like his kisses from before.

You slip your tongue into his honeyed mouth, tasting seeds of his desperation with your tongue. But then, you remember your wine glass and pull away from his lips with a lewd smack to reach behind you and place it on the coffee table as well.

“So pretty,” Jungkook moans, pushing the straps of your dress to the side and dotting your shoulders in wine-stained kisses, “Pretty girl, my pretty baby-”

You tilt his cheek towards you for a kiss, whining into his mouth at his praise. It shoots down your spine in a delicious hum and his hands roaming the expanse of your back makes you feel warm and powerful.

The way your hips move in time with his, the way you fit into the crevices of his thighs and his chest- he just wants to give you everything. He wants to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Jungkook will give you everything, if you let him.

“And what about you?” You rasp with swollen lips and wild eyes when you finally pull away. You press your fingers into the exposed, inky part of his chest, where his shirt is unbuttoned for your eyes. “You look so fucking good all the time, but-but I told you to dress slutty and you did this for me, huh? You did this for me, bunny?”

Jungkook’s cock jumps in his tight pants and his throat goes dry. Your eyes are devious, filled with mischief and sin and he gives himself to you fully and wholly.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods eagerly, “Yeah, I wanted to look nice for you, baby.”

“A-and your hair,” You mumble, feeling a little lovesick, “I love it, I love it, I love it-I just wanna- wanna make you feel good. Can I do that, bunny? Make you feel good?”

Jungkook nods with wide, doe eyes, wondering how the tables were turned so quickly.

“Take me to my bedroom,” You demand softly. The glasses of wine and snacks on the tray are left forgotten as Jungkook easily scoops you up in his arms. Even with your lips soft and slow against his neck, he somehow makes it to your bed.

It’s definitely not the first time you’ve had Jungkook in your bed (or that you’ve been in his bed). It’s not the first time you’ve peeled his shirt off meticulously and licked your way down his chest, to unbutton his tight pants. It’s not the first time he’s seen you on your knees on your bed (to alleviate the strain on your knees if you were on the floor).

By now, the shock of your impatience has worn off. Jungkook frequently reminds you to slow down, that you both have nowhere to be except with each other.

It looks like his pants are glued to his legs, and while you can appreciate the visual, you want to appreciate the real thing. You groan in frustration and Jungkook does the work for you, pushing the offending fabric away and breathing a sigh of relief. You crawl closer to him, nails featherlight against his taut thighs.

He’s golden, his body taut and spilling with swirls of color in the divots of his muscles. Your mouth waters.

But Jungkook moves your hands away when you start inching closer, wanting to palm his cock. He joins you on the bed, pushing your back to the bed and hiking the skirt of your dress up to your hips. His hands are tight and warm and welcome on your hips, a flare of desire shooting down your spine and straight to your pussy. You buck your hips up towards him with a pout but he only squeezes.

“What did I tell you,” Jungkook murmurs, swatting your thigh lightly.

“You’ll have to remind me,” You breathe.

“Told you to slow down, baby,” Jungkook says, letting his fingers trail up your thighs and slip under your panties. His hand is warm in contrast to the rings on his fingers. They do little to cool your skin, though. “Impatient girl.”

“You say that like a bad thing-”

“And you talk so fucking much,” Jungkook drawls, hovering over you and dropping his weight on top of you, nudging your cheek to kiss you. You reach upwards to thread your hands through his hair but he’s quick, so much quicker than you. Jungkook pins your wrists with just one hand, and the mere action, the mere display of strength has you sighing and your pussy fluttering.

“Lift your hips,” Jungkook says thickly, and you do so immediately. It’s easy for him to pull your black lace panties off to the side. But before he does so he gives you a small smile of approval, knowing that you wore them specifically for him to see.

“I really do love this dress, baby,” He says, “Makes your tits and your ass look amazing.”

“Take it off, then. And see the goods up close,” You say, wiggling against his grip.

“I will,” Jungkook says lazily, “Don’t you worry your pretty head about it.” Without a single warning, he lifts you up easily into his lap. Your bare pussy brushes against his bare cock deliciously, your hips moving of their own accord. He stills you again, and carefully unzips your dress and pulls it off of you. His fingers on you are soft but firm, leaving your head spinning and hazy.

You haven’t even had his cock yet, and you’re about ready to combust. Jungkook pushes you on the bed, your tits bouncing with the force of your back hitting the mattress and hovers over you. You pull at his hair a little impatiently and he groans, the sound reverberating across the walls only to ring in your head. You want to hear it again, and again and again.

“Jungkook,” You whine, “Please, bunny, do something. Look at me, look at my pussy, come clean me up-”

“So needy,” Jungkook murmurs and ignores you in favor of kissing your tits, rubbing your nipples with his fingers, “‘M needy for you too, baby.”

“You’re so hard, so big,” You babble, “Please, want your cock, baby.”

Impatient. Jungkook kisses your chest, your belly, your hips and makes you cum on his tongue twice (while you tear up and cry a little bit, gripping his purple locks fiercely and holding onto his shoulder) before letting you stroke his cock. You’re about to push him on his back to blow him with determined eyes, but he stops you.

It appears he’s impatient too, and he wants to see you cream his cock before cumming all over your tits (which has become his favorite place to).

“Jungkook,” You breathe sharply, “There, baby, right there-” You cut yourself off with a groan, stilling your hips and pushing his face into your chest. Jungkook’s groans are muffled against your tits, but you feel the wetness of his lips and the warmth of his tongue over your nipples.

“Shit,” You mumble, “Feels so good-”

“So pretty, baby,” Jungkook coos, pulling away from your tits to look up at you with lust in his eyes, “I’m yours, all yours-”

You groan, bouncing on his cock even harder as a flare of possessiveness flashes across your belly. “Move back,” You say softly, “Lay down. I’m gonna ride you so good, baby.”

Jungkook barely has a chance to catch his breath before your nails are on his chest, trying to hold yourself steady as you push yourself down onto his cock, pulling a deep moan of your name from his lips. His hands are tight on your hips, watching with wide eyes- he doesn’t know where to look, what to do.

He squeezes when one of your hands drifts over his and rests on top of his hand.

“I’m yours, I’m yours,” Jungkook mumbles, “Whatever you want baby, I’m yours-”

“You talk so much,” You say hoarsely, with a wicked smile, “It’s cute.” Your free hand floats upward, resting loosely at the base of his neck. His chain is cold against his heated skin but all he can focus on is the glide of your hand over his neck.

His cock twitches inside you and your smile widens. “Is this okay?” You whisper, “This okay, bunny?”

“Harder,” Jungkook groans, “Fuck, harder, baby.”

“Like this?” You ask innocently, closing your hand around the sensitive spots of his neck. His pretty eyes flutter as he nods, a quiet moan slipping out into the air.

“You’re pretty like this,” You say softly, “Shit, you’re pretty like this…”

He lets out a choked laugh at that. You lean forward, pressing your lips to his hastily. Jungkook thrusts upward, hips meeting your ass but your hand doesn’t leave his neck. Not just yet. You breathe into his mouth, allowing him to swallow your soft whimpers.

You wet your lips with a loud smack and cradle his cheek gently. Jungkook is mesmerized by the heat in your eyes, smoldering and burning through his skin. You let your fingers glide over your clit, gathering wetness and before Jungkook can ask what you're doing-

“Open,” You mumble hoarsely, “Open, bunny.”

Pushing a finger past his chapped lips, you gasp at the sight of him below you with your fingers in his mouth.

You could cum just from watching him. His tongue swirls over your finger before sucking lightly with a pretty flush covering his cheeks. Your eyes widen, another gasp brushing over his cheeks.

“Fuck,” You mumble dreamily, “You’re so good, bunny.”

Your body is burning, jaw slack and the feeling of Jungkook’s bare cock inside of you almost too much to handle. It was wildly irresponsible- he wasn’t wearing a condom and you weren’t on birth control, and it was a conversation for later. But you can’t think, not when it feels this good, not when you’ve had a taste of his cock in this way. Besides, he always pulls out just in time. But still, you both should know better.

“Oh, Jungkook,” You whine, “‘m close, I’m so fucking close, make me cum, bunny-”

“Baby,” Jungkook rasps, “My pretty baby looks so good on my cock like this. My smart, kind, b-beautiful girl, my angel-”

Tears prick your eyes- it’s easy for you to become overwhelmed like this. You tug your hands away and thread your fingers through his, dipping your head for a kiss.

“You like that, angel? You like being mine?” Jungkook murmurs, slowing your hips so he can take over. But he knows you’re close.

“Only yours,” You mumble. Jungkook pulls you into his chest swiftly and flips you so that you’re on your back. He places your legs over his shoulders and brackets your head with his forearms, his necklace just above your nose and his hair tickling your face. But you're mesmerized by the determination and adoration in his eyes.

“Jungkook,” You murmur brokenly, “O-oh, y-yeah, baby, there, mmmf-” You squeeze his biceps with a gasp, watching his face closely. Pushing his hair behind his ears, you cradle his cheek and pull him down for a sweet, long kiss.

His fingers dance across your thighs and rub your clit in slow circles and murmuring soft words of praise in your ear. You’re vaguely aware that your body erupts in a tidal wave of flames, warming you from inside out. You don’t hear anything except for your cries of his name, you don’t see anything but him through your blurry eyes.

“Baby,” Jungkook says through clenched teeth, “O-open your mouth, baby. Fuck, baby, this pussy- I’m gonna cum, baby, fuck-”

You open your mouth with hooded eyes and your tongue lolling out and Jungkook pulls out of you abruptly with a series of curses. He’s not fast enough to get all of his cum in your mouth, some of it landing on your cheek. You swallow his cum with a dopey smile and open your arms for him to bury his face in your tits.

“Fuck, baby,” Jungkook says breathlessly, rolling off of you and pulling you into his side, “This pussy’s gonna be the death of me. Where’d you learn to ride dick like that, huh?”

“I’ll never tell,” You mumble, “Gimme a kiss.”

And so he does, tasting himself on your lips. He kisses you nice and slow, just how you both like after a night like this. Eventually he cleans you up and you do the same for him.

Under the covers with only the shared warmth between your sheets to keep you company, you rest your head on Jungkook’s bicep and look up at him. Your fingers continue tracing patterns on his chest, tracing the swirls and curves of ink as they appear.

Jungkook dips his head to nudge your nose and you softly laugh as his hair falls into your face. “What are you thinking about, baby?” He murmurs, lazily draping an arm over you. By now, you’ve realized that Jungkook is possibly the most vulnerable with you in moments like this. When you’re both bare and basking in a post-sex haze.

That’s not to say that he’s not vulnerable at other times. But it’s just different like this.

You take his hand and thread your fingers through his. His fingers are bare, as you had taken his rings off and they’re currently sitting in your jewelry dish on your dresser.

“We just,” You murmur, “We spent so long being apart. When we should’ve been together. All because I…”

“Stop,” Jungkook says firmly but gently, “Don’t do that. You’re where you’re supposed to be. We’re where we’re supposed to be.”

“But we wasted so much time not being together because of me,” You mumble forlornly, feeling your throat getting a little dry, “Because I listened to Sora and didn’t-”

“Oh, baby,” Jungkook says, pulling you in for a hug and a forehead kiss, “That’s not true at all. We’re together now, and we both had some growing to do. That’s what matters.”

“Okay,” You reply in a strained voice. You don’t quite sound like you believe him, and Jungkook makes a mental note of that. “Do you feel like… we have lost time to make up for?”

“Do you feel like that?” Jungkook counters, making your heart skip a beat, “Because I don’t. I know it’s hard, baby, but you can’t beat yourself up for that. It’s in the past, baby. Forgive yourself. There’s nothing to race against, it’s just me and you.”

“I’ll try,” You say a little meekly. Jungkook nods and pulls you in for a soft kiss, one that has your toes curling and your belly flipping. He shifts so that you’re tucked into his side, surrounded by him and his hands on your skin. He kisses you until your previous thoughts don’t feel so loud in your head, he whispers to you and pulls sweet laughs from your throat until you can detach from the strange cloud that had suddenly appeared.

He’s your safe place.

*********

MoM TAGS: @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria @kaepjjangiya @drumsofheaven @ppeachyttae @tae-bebe @yiyi4657 @mygscafe @beeeetsandskzreads @maichiverse @hordanhearsawhooo @anonymous2505 @dreadity @mysugarkoo @ULTRAANONYMOUSEY @moonchild1 @fan-ati--c

TAGS: @kookdbean @codeinebelle

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Hi love, pretty sure you're requests are open (if not just ignore this) n e ways what about Inarizaki with manager who's like intimidating (i've been told i am intimidating lol) and very sarcastic, much Tsukishima Kei vibez cuz that's basically me😃

Just like how would our boys react, very curious and take your time btw don't have to rush it, do it whenever you feel like :D

Oh my gosh Nat, it's literally my honour to write this for you. You can request anything, anytime, and you'll be a top priority (ily<3)

Inarizaki with a tsukkishima-ish manager.

Specially dedicated to @sunasthing <3

So first of all, if you think that's gonna stop the boys from simping over you, you've got it wrong 😖🖐️

The boys would literally take it as a challenge to get your softer nature out, especially Atsumu.

I GENUINELY think he'd find it really hot whenever you snap back at him, or tell him off. (maybe he's like Nishinoya and Tanaka in that sense 🙄)

Constantly pesters you, and although you don't give him a reply often (because he's annoying as fuck), if you ever acknowledge him slightly, he WILL flirt with you.

Beware tho, even if he comes off as flirty and charismatic, he's literally just a dorky small baby and genuinely wants your attention because he thinks you're the coolest person ever.

And if you're ever nice to him, you can best bet he'll replay that moment in his mind before sleeping EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

Y/n, earlier that day: don't get hurt. I don't want to have to deal with anyone on this team being injured

Atsumu at 3 a.m: s-she cares about me 🥺🥺

I think Osamu would vibe really well with you. He's not annoying, he's really really chill, and he has a pretty sharp tongue himself.

Judges people as an attempt to make you laugh, and he sees it as a personal victory if he can get you to crack a smile or smirk. He just doesn't make a big deal about it, unlike his twin xD

Osamu: y/n look at that guy. he's totally crushing on his brother's best friend, could he not be more obvious about it??

Y/n: *cracks a smirk* yeah, it does seem so.

Osamu, internally: ✨v i c t o r y i s s w e e t✨

He also cooks for you pretty often, and even if you protest against accepting it, you'll usually find a bento hidden in your locker or bag.

He knows you might not accept it straight, so he finds other ways to get it to you. Osamu actually thinks of you as a cooler sister that he says "he'd trade Atsumu for"

In general, the twins are the life of Inarizaki and although they're sometimes annoying, they mean well and it's plain to see that they love you.

Kita loves how smart and analytical you are. I've said this before, I'll say it again— Kita thinks brains are sexy 😤

Especially when you call the team to give your insights about their opponents, or give them ideas on how to improve their play, Kita is literally there like “I'm so glad she's ours”

Because you would be a dangerous asset to other teams, and Kita is the most thankful that you're with them.

He's also a really good leader and although the two of you don't have heart-to-hearts or conversations like the twins, you know he'll ALWAYS be there for you.

Like once, it was raining and practice was cancelled, so you decided to wait in school until the rain subsided (because you didn't want to get wet), and our sweet Kita searched for you in every single classroom until the finally found you and walked you home. That's just the dynamic you had with him

He also often checks up on you, even when it's unrelated to volleyball. Have you done your homework? have you ate breakfast this morning? although you're usually sarcastic with the twins and most of the other members of the team, you can't bring yourself to do so with Kita.

The respect you guys have for each other is unmatched and that's probably why you're such a golden duo in Inarizaki. The leader and the analytical manager.

And now Suna. I think Suna would be the member you have the deepest bond with. you truly allow him to see who you are inside, and he does the same. You guys really just click.

It started with him complaining about Atsumu, and slowly progressed into you letting Suna be the only member to have physical contact with you, but only when the others aren't looking.

Sometimes, if you guys are the only two people in the gym, he'll nap on your lap or lean on your shoulder.

If you didn't already know, like everyone else in Inarizaki, he has a crush on you 😖🖐️ like damn you thought Atsumu had it bad? nah, Suna has it the worst.

He literally asks his little sister to let him practice braiding her hair, just so he'll be perfect when he someday asks to do yours.

But he always chickens out because he's scared you'll say no 😭😭 he's internally very shy, okay? 🥺🥺

He's literally your best friend. You guys have study sessions together, anime nights, literally anything, he's right there with you. The rest of the team are literally not aware of how close the two of you are.

Until one day, Atsumu tries daring you to kiss Suna on the forehead, and instead of flat-out refusing (like you've done before when he's dared you to kiss him, or Akagi) you shrug and gently kiss Suna on the forehead, causing Suna to smile and ruffle your hair.

The rest of the team is just shocked.

Atsumu: what is this FUCKERY?? is y/n literally WILLINGLY touching someone ??¿¿

Y/n and Suna: *smirks*

Atsumu, close to tears: okay

But the rest of the team soon accept you and Suna have a pretty special bond, and that you're genuinely softer when it comes to him.

You don't snap at him much, and as they've noticed, Suna has started being more brave about leaning on your shoulder or sleeping on your lap.

Of course, the rest of the team (with the exception of Kita) is jealous. But hey, they just don't have Suna's charm, okay? xD

You make Suna want to try harder, and he's way more motivated to give it his all in every single game. Mostly because he wants you to be proud of him.

He definitely has a nickname for you, but he will only use it when he's sure you guys are alone. And in return, you call him "Rin" which makes his heart flutter 🥺🥺

KAHDKSS I TOOK SO LONG WITH THE SUNA ONE PLEASE IM TURNING BOTH OF US INTO EVEN BIGGER SUNA SIMPS (as if we weren't already xD)

Now onto Aran !! Aran is a softie who (like Kita) respects you a great deal. He'll fend Atsumu and Osamu off if he senses you aren't having a great day.

He's also pretty good at giving you your space but he checks up on you every once in a while if anyone is bothering you.

Although he's shy about it, Aran actually comes to you when he doesn't understand a homework question. You're super smart and he knows you won't make him feel bad about not knowing.

And it makes you feel happy to know he trusts you, so you help him as best as you can. It's a little secret of yours that the other members don't know about.

It especially lights your day up when he gets a good grade and whispers a silent "thank you" to you in class.

In return, will help you with anything you ask for. No questions asked.

And now, last but not least, sunshine Akagi!! I think he's a total Hinata Shoyo, so he might annoy you a bit at first because of his bright personality.

But deep down inside, you love how easily he gets people to smile and slowly find yourself warming up to him.

And Akagi is really determined to get you to smile (at least once a day) so he cracks the corniest jokes or makes puns.

It has become a thing between the two of you, where Akagi tells you a joke a day, and you rate it out of ten.

Gone are the days when you found him annoying. And now, even if you won't tell him outright— you really do think he's one of the brightest people in your life.

Additional headcanons

CHEERING YOU UP— whenever you feel quieter than usual, or a bit more sarcastic, the boys immediately know something is wrong and rush over to make you feel okay. Literally, it's almost like they've abandoned practice. And eventhough you tell them to get back to it, they refuse to leave until you're feeling better. Suna usually gives you a hug and kisses your forehead, whilst Akagi cracks jokes. Then, (and eventhough you protest) Atsumu lists off all the things you should love about yourself, whilst Osamu buys you ice cream (food is, after all, the best cure for anything). Aran is literally ready to HUNT the person who affected your mood down, and kill them, whilst Kita is literally just holding him back and making sure things don't go overboard. Even if you aren't fully cheered up by then, you'd have laughed a whole lot and know how much they care for you, so honestly... how could you stay sad?

REACTING TO YOU TELLING THEM OFF— Suna is literally just meh about it. He can't take you seriously because he's a dork who thinks he's not included in the list of "idiots" (but no Suna, u mf, you ARE included -_-). Atsumu thinks it's hot 👀 (as I mentioned above), Akagi is genuinely upset/ready to sob and vows to do better. Kita is proud of you for telling them off before he could do it (Kita is not included in the "idiots". How could he? he's PERFECT 🖐️). Osamu and Aran have similar reactions, because they end up apologizing and try to change tactics and do better.

HOW THEY'D ACT WHEN YOU START DATING SUNA— (because this is honestly inevitable, wbk 😭❤️). Atsumu would be jealous. Petty and would call Suna "pretty boy" every chance he gets. Leave him, im sure he'll get over it 🥺🥺 Osamu is pretty jealous too, but he'll never show it and focuses instead on your happiness. Kita approves, and honestly thinks you're a good influence on Suna. Aran is protective of you, and would literally gun Suna down if he ever hurt you (but he won't. Suna loves you, he'd literally jump down a cliff before ever hurting you 😤🖐️) and Akagi is cheerful as before, but extra glad because you seem to smile a bit more often (and Akagi loves your smile).

I took a lot of effort on this <3 hope you like it, bae !! Taglist— @dai-tsukki-desu @sunasthing @k-sakusa-old @tilli-san

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.4

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: my hope is that the idol industry can one day become a safer place for those who have dedicated their lives to making others happy ❤️

-

“Let me guess, you’re the type who needs to feel needed but also pushes people away?”

“How would you know that, Bunny Boy?”

“It’s my power.”

“You have powers too?” Snow blinks her pretty blue eyes. “Can you read minds?”

“I certainly can’t read minds,” Bunny Boy laughs. “But I am pretty good at reading hearts.”

“Oh yeah? What’s my heart feeling right now?”

“Well for starters, you seem to be annoyed by me prying too deep.”

“You are annoying.”

“And you also think I’m kinda cute.”

“I do not!”

You giggle into your phone screen for the hundredth time as you read through the latest Witch Hazel update. With the reveal of another character with secret powers, you wonder what Snow will make out of him. A friend? An ally? Or perhaps just someone who gets her.

Beneath the last comic panel of Snow rolling her eyes at the unofficially named Bunny Boy, you find cute little comments from the author.

“all i hope is for snow to take care of herself during this hiatus”

“even if it’s only a tiny amount, maybe witch hazel can help supplement as new snow content for now;;;;;;”

“ah i didnt mean to sound as if i were anywhere near snow’s level or anything;;;;;;”

“i just hope she knows she doesnt have to carry any burden all on her own”

“she has people on her side”

Your face doesn’t know whether to smile or shed tears, so you do a combination of both. It’s true, you’ve always felt alone. Always. No matter how many staff members it takes to produce an album or how many fans buy that album, you’ve never once felt that people could look beyond your idol music, your icy eyes, your mask.

But that’s exactly why you’re taking a break. You need to separate your worth from the music attached to your name. You need to prove to yourself that you’re more than what the critics and magazines say. And you’re only realizing it now that you can’t do it alone.

If only you had your own jk.seagull in your life. You’re sure the two of you would mesh well together.

-

“Where is that kid?” Taehyung pats the empty seat next to him before class starts. “He never skips class. I remember one time he literally rejected a date with a super cute girl because he ‘had to get to class’. Can you believe that?”

“Knowing Jungkook, I’d believe it,” you shrug. It does feel oddly empty without his presence, though.

“Oh really? You know all there is to know about the mysterious phenomenon that is Jeon Jungkook? It sounds like you guys got real acquainted on that date the other day.”

“It wasn’t a date, Taehyung. It was a meeting for a group project that you didn’t show up to.”

“Well it all evens out since Jungkook didn't show up today. Who knows, maybe you won’t show up tomorrow.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason for being absent. Unlike you.” You have to admit, it does worry you a little. Especially after the hints of doubt Jungkook expressed about his own beautiful art. You wish he knew how amazing of an artist he really is.

“What are you talking about? My reason was valid.”

“Having your cock sucked for five hours straight is not a valid reason, by the way.” You roll your eyes. “Let me guess, today you have a threesome scheduled after class and dinner date at 5?”

“Ouch, you don’t have to be so harsh, Y/N.” Taehyung pretends to be offended, but he doesn’t deny your comment either. “You’re really his type, you know.”

“I’m whose type?”

“Jungkook’s.”

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I’ve said this before, but you’re a lot like Snow.”

“How?”

“In how you present yourself,” Taehyung says. “You and her both come across as cold and heartless, but somehow I don’t buy it.” He doesn’t buy what? That you’re just as much of a bitch on the inside too? Ha.

“Jungkook must have weird taste then,” you shrug. Because in your opinion, you’re not exactly an easy person to love.

“But-” Taehyung is cut off by the professor starting class. You don’t know what more he could’ve said to make you change your mind anyway.

“There won’t be any lecture for today’s class.” Your professor is busy typing away at her computer, perhaps trying to get caught up on paperwork and grading old assignments. “Instead, I want you all to take this time to work on your group projects. You may leave the classroom if you must, but remember to stay on task!”

With that, your classmates jam out of the room as if they were just freed from prison. You hear a couple of friends deciding which boba place to try out. Another group, the overachievers of the class, head somewhere outside to actually work on the project. Taehyung, too, looks as if there’s somewhere else he needs to be.

“So I-”

“Go ahead and get laid,” you sigh, shooing the boy away with your hand. “We’ll work next time when all three of us are here.”

“Thanks, Y/N! You get me,” Taehyung waves bye before dashing off.

You wave back as the hall clears out around you. It seems everyone else has found somewhere to go. Everyone except you.

But it’s fine. You’re fine.

Buzz! You jump at the sudden phone notification that seems to echo off the walls of the empty hall. Oh look, it’s a text from your only friend.

10:32AM jinnie❤️ “good morning ^O^// just checking in on you”

10:33AM jinnie❤️ “how are you holding up with everything?”

“I’m fine!” you mumble rather aggressively to yourself, sliding your ass down onto the filthy hallway floor before texting back. Your chunky guitar case sits in your lap like a baby so it doesn’t get dirty.

10:34AM Y/N “i miss seeing you at work everyday :((((”

10:34AM Y/N “lololololol jk”

10:35AM Y/N “fuck work, am i right”

10:36AM jinnie❤️ “Y/N”

10:37AM Y/N “😒”

10:37AM Y/N “im fine”

10:38AM jinnie❤️ “thats exactly what people say when theyre not fine”

But you are fine. You’re completely fine with sitting all alone in an empty hallway, texting your only friend who also happens to be your manager.

10:39AM jinnie❤️ “what are you doing now?”

You pick up your guitar and start walking away. Obviously, you can’t tell him what you were actually doing because it would worry him too much. But you can’t lie to him either.

10:41AM Y/N “if you really must know”

You wait until you arrive at your new location before answering Seokjin’s million-dollar question. You’ve found your place.

10:45AM Y/N “im practicing in the music room before my theory class starts”

He sends you the Surprised Pikachu meme but also a few supportive comments.

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “good luck!”

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “and if you ever need something, please reach out to me!”

10:47AM jinnie❤️ “ill be checking in on you every now and then, but please enjoy your time off~”

10:48AM Y/N “thank you seokjin”

With your manager off your back, you settle into the empty music classroom and pull your trusty guitar out of its case. The flat and out of tune strings remind you of how long it’s been since the last time you touched the guitar. Because despite carrying it around wherever you go, it’s all for show.

In all honesty, you’re too afraid to let others hear, and yet, part of you wants them to know. You want them to know you’re an artist in your own right—without the judgment. But that’s asking for too much from this cruel world. Especially when you know you aren’t there yet.

One by one, you turn the pegs on your guitar, fine tuning each string by ear. That’s always been your secret talent, and maybe that’s how you’ve never been off-key since the moment you said your first words. If there was one thing you had going for you as an idol, it was that.

Once all the strings are tuned, you just sit there, staring at your fingers curved naturally in the C chord position. The muscle memory is still very much ingrained in you, but so are the scars. The last time you actually held your guitar, you were told you weren’t good enough. So you ended up settling for something else.

Today, however, you want to change that. You shouldn’t let several people’s opinions determine what you can or can’t amount to just because they were the professionals of the industry who supposedly “knew” what they were doing. They didn’t know you then, and they certainly don’t know you now. They don’t even know your real name.

But that’s okay. Having a secret identity makes you feel as though you can someday become a true superhero, someone who makes the world a better place from behind the scenes. In that sense, you want to be someone like your current favorite person on the internet, jk.seagull. You don’t know him, nor do you know his real name.

All you know is that his craft makes you happy.

With the funny fanfic boy in mind, you glance up to make sure the coast is clear before taking your first strum. Despite the dullness of your old worn-out strings, what your ears hear is crisp and bright.

-

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since you began singing along to a melody only you know, but you’re suddenly pulled back into reality with a single mention of her from outside the classroom.

“What do you think about the Snow news?”

“It’s honestly sad.”

“With how little she contributes to her music, I really don’t think she deserves a break.”

“She should just keep going. How hard is it to sing a few songs? I hope she knows she’s letting a lot of people down just so she could relax.”

“Or better yet, she should just retire early.”

You set down your guitar on the piano bench. You’ve heard quite enough and you’re ready to slam the door on the noisy group passing by. But by the time you peek your head out from the crack, the group is already at the other end of the hall. You do, however, find a surprise sitting right outside the music room.

The boy who was supposedly too sick to come to class is too busy sketching away to notice you staring at him.

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

The tiny hairs on the back of the boy’s neck stand up as his drawing hand freezes at the sound of your voice. He turns around, looking up at you as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“Since I started sketching.” Jungkook shows you a simple yet pretty drawing of a flowery spring field. By his art standards, it couldn’t have taken him long to draw that one page.

But it isn’t until you start flipping through the rest of the pages in the sketchbook that you realize he’d been sitting there for quite a while. Each page is similar to the last with only slight differences in between. When you fly through the pages like a flipbook, you see the whole picture.

From the first sketch of spring flowers, snow slowly covers the field until only a single flower remains in a winter wonderland. If you go in reverse, you can watch as the snow melts away until that one flower disappears amongst its brethren.

“What kind of flower is that?” You point to the one that somehow managed to blossom through the thickness of the snow. Maybe if it were colored in, you’d have a better idea.

“A strong one?” Jungkook shrugs as if he’s not the artist who knows the the answer. You hate yourself for cackling along at his lousy joke. He closes his sketchbook as a way to change the subject. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“Funny you should ask. The professor dismissed our class to work on the group projects. And then Tae ditched to go do his usual skirt-chasing shenanigans because somebody in our group didn’t show up.”

“Sorry,” the boy bites his lower lip with a hint of regret. “I didn’t really feel well enough to sit in class today.”

“Then why didn’t you just stay at home?”

“I still had this project to turn in and finish for my other class.” He raises his sketchbook. “And besides, music is the best medicine.”

You feel your cheeks burning up. The last person you expected to catch you messing around with your guitar in the music department was the art student who was supposed to be out sick. “How much did you hear…?”

“All I heard was one song…” He assures you for a slight second before going in for the kill, “…that you kept replaying over and over and over-”

“I get it. You heard a lot,” you hiss. “You better not tell anyone! Not even Tae.”

“I won’t,” he promises, chuckling at your distress. It seems the kid’s gotten comfortable enough around you to start clowning you. “It’s a nice song, by the way.”

“Really?” You want to believe him, but you have a hard time doing so. When all you’ve heard was brutal criticism for the past few years, it’s difficult to accept any compliment without feeling like there’s ill intent behind it. It feels wrong to feel good about yourself.

Besides, maybe he’s just complimenting you out of obligation. Like he’s trying to be nice, even if he doesn’t actually feel that way about your song.

“I’ll burden the pain so you don’t have to,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s a line from the lyrics, right?”

You nod.

“It’s a very Y/N thing to say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook shrugs and swirls his Sailor Venus keychain around his index finger. “Just take it as a compliment, Y/N.”

If not for his soft teasing smile, your mind would still be filled with doubt. Instead, you accept the compliment and gain a tiny bit of confidence back.

“Come in for a second,” you start walking back inside the music room. “And close the door behind you.”

Jungkook does as he’s told, his eyes glued to your guitar as you pick it up off the piano bench. There, you do something you’ve never practiced but had always hoped to perform as Snow—your own acoustic version of one of your songs.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve never practiced or touched your guitar in years. You know the key, the chords, the strum pattern. And you know how to make it your own. Not Snow’s or anyone else’s.

When you’re done with your mini acoustic performance, the boy can’t help but chuckle. He’s about to clown you again. You can feel it.

“What??”

“It’s nothing.”

“Jungkook.”

“It’s seems like you don’t hate Snow as much as you lead on.”

“I was only trying to show how I would’ve done the song if I were her.”

“Ah, so you criticize Snow so much because you think you can do better?”

“Not necessarily better… just differently.” You hope that answer is enough to satisfy the boy. But it’s not. He only nods with an awfully suspicious smirk. “What now??”

“It’s cool that you want to be a songwriter.”

“I never said that I did,” you say with a slight pout and hmph. You’ve never once mentioned your true dreams to anyone besides maybe some random kid at camp when you were ten. You’d hate to announce your bold aspirations with the utmost confidence, only to flop and fail before achieving anything. You’d rather keep it a secret until you perhaps “pop-off” as the kids say.

“Sure.” He doesn’t believe you.

“Are you always this sassy when you’re sick?”

His long locks flow as he shakes his head. “I’m feeling better now, actually. Thanks to your medicine.”

Maybe the kid was faking his sickness all along. Then again, Taehyung did say Jungkook wasn’t the type to skip class under most circumstances. Perhaps there was something else that was bothering him.

“Wait, you weren’t upset about Snow’s hiatus, right?” You remember the gossip from the noisy group that had passed by earlier. The beating you took from their words still stings.

“To be honest, I was worried about her at first with everything that went on,” Jungkook says. “But I think she probably just needed some time away from all that.”

“Probably,” is all you say, doing your best to downplay the amount of relief his words gave you. He isn’t upset or let down; he just wishes the best for your well-being. And as an idol, that’s all you’ve ever asked for. “You know, you’re the nicest Snow fan I’ve ever met.”

“You know a lot of other Snow fans?” Jungkook tilts his head at your odd statement. Oh right. You’ve only really met other fans as Snow, not as Y/N. Now you sound suspicious.

“Oh yeah, for sure. My friend, Seokjin, reads Snow smut all the time,” you force out a laugh while making a mental apology to your manager. Then you decide it’s best to change the subject before you blow your cover. “Speaking of fanfiction, I need your opinion on Witch Hazel!”

“What about it?”

“The new bunny character.” You whip out your phone for direct reference of the comic. “He’s funny, right?”

“He’s good at teasing Snow,” Jungkook looks at your phone screen of the bunny saying that Snow thinks he’s cute. “I wonder if he’ll make her fall for him.”

“I want him to.” Your eyes light up without knowing. To have Snow fall in love is wishful thinking, but a large part of you craves romance deep down—even if it’s only for the fictional version of yourself. “But at the same time, he’s not Snow’s type.”

“What’s Snow’s type?”

“Huh?” You somehow managed to fuck up again, so you shrink yourself and hope to disappear. “I don’t know… Why would I know what Snow’s type is…? It’s probably not a playboy like the bunny, but I wouldn’t know that…!”

“So you think she’d like someone more… considerate?”

You nod. “Probably just someone who takes the time to get to know her.”

“I guess we’ll see in the upcoming chapters.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You can’t quite hold back a smile. After all, your day always feels a lot better when it involves your favorite little comic.

Jungkook must’ve noticed your face because he makes a comment. “I am curious, though, as to why you like Witch Hazel so much when you clearly don’t care for Snow herself.”

“For me, it has nothing to do with Snow.” To mask your smile, you make a cute duck face instead. “Reading it just… makes me happy.” As much as you’d hate to admit it, it’s been a long time since anything has given you good vibes the way that one comic does.

“That’s good,” the boy says, gathering his things to head to his next class. “It’s the same for me with Snow’s music… in case you were wondering.” And with that, he leaves you with something to think about.

If Snow’s music is Jungkook’s medicine, Witch Hazel is yours.

-

By the time you get home from school, you’re still smiling like an idiot after what Jungkook had said. Snow’s music makes him happy, and the mere thought of that makes you happy. It’s in (very rare) times like this that you remember why you chose to become an idol in the first place. It’s why you endure the pain.

With your mind clouded in an unfamiliar wave of emotion, you pull out your phone and tap on Jungkook’s contact information. After changing his contact name to something cuter, you start composing a casual message just to say hi.

Jungkook. What if I told you a secret?

Delete. You’ve never deleted a message so quick. You don’t even know which secret you would’ve told the boy. That you’re his crush, Snow? Or that he’s yours? Not that you have a huge crush on him… You swear it’s just a tiny one!

Regardless, you shouldn’t be sharing any of your deepest secrets with him—at least not for now. It’s not that you don’t trust him. It’s just that it’s a tricky situation to be in.

Your eyes move from your guitar, to the stacks of handwritten sheet music beside it, to the album that won you your first award—where the pain all began. Even the most supportive fan could not imagine what you’ve given up to be the idol that you are, to be someone with a name.

The only thing you can do now is take it all back. And only then will you let Jungkook in. But until that time comes, you don’t belong to him or anyone else.

4:44PM Snow “Are you free to talk?”

4:46PM Jimin “Yeah”

[loonieloustorytime]

Im starting this tumblr as a means to talk about my struggles and hopefully show others that its okay to not be okay but to keep fighting everyday. I fight an inner voice everyday and sometimes shes a little louder than other days. Somedays I forget that part of me is "fucked up and broken" because that voice is non existent and somedays its the other way around. I know that there are plenty of people who have heavier baggage than I but I also know how hard it is to carry that weight every single day when you feel as if no one understands, as if you're screaming out for help day in and day out but you're in a world full of people who dont understand that you sometimes cant help feeling like the only thing you can possibly do for the day is curl up in fetal position and cry for 18 hours. I also know that it truly blows to rely on medication and if you forget just one day, you have to deal with the withdrawal for days. When people ask whats wrong and you say "Im just feeling a lil down because I keep forgetting my medicine" they usually respond with "well if you know you need to take it to be happy, then just take it. It's that simple" when in reality, its not that simple. Sometimes just the idea of getting out of bed or off the couch to get the pills makes me wanna die. Sometimes I completely forget to bring them with me when Im out of the house during my dosage time and I forget to take them when I get back to the house. I know how it feels to not trust the good feelings you're having at the moment because its not true happiness, its just a manic episode that leads into a debilitating episode of depression with no set time-line and not really being able to identify the common trigger. I know how it feels to have your whole world come crashing down because you were so excited about a project you spent months working on is finally finished just to be told "you're 26, why cant you do more adult-like art, whys everything gotta be rainbow and basic like a little girl" I know how it feels to not be able to tell the server that they made your food wrong and you just pick off the ickiness because you dont want to be a burden. I know how it feels to leave a store empty handed because you couldnt bring yourself to ask an employee if they had anymore in the back. I know how it feels to have a horrible, traumatic event and not be able to talk to anyone about it because you repressed it for 22 years and you're past the time of being able to bring it up because you know people aren't going to believe you so you just repress in public and try to process when you're alone. The point is, I know what it feels like to be stressed, depressed, and anxious enough to the point of not being able to function. And Im hoping that by putting my struggles and triumphs out there in the public that it will help at least one person fight for another day. #anxiety #depression #itsokaytonotbeokay #yourenotalone #loveyourself

[abloomingperiod]

junmyeon as a bf

the softest of the softies

kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy

and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t

i mean in the sense of love

like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture

like

he dates for a reason

unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future

being a leader makes you like that

but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life

yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit

well.......not exactly your case

he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands

except you didn’t smile at him

you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”

he got so flustered w your reaction like

this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”

he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha

you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT

he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right

so yeah ofc prince suho showed up

the next day he entered the place and saw you

you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback

a cute one

cmon he’s cringey give him a chance

you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol

which for him

was nice

not a big deal, but nice

after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?

and then you started talking for a while

you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!

okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it

he just thought of this as such a COOL dream

writing for a living

now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet

i know

lame

but he’s adorable so who cares tbh

he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader

you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it

after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule

but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom

when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”

no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino

you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-

you turn the cup and there it is:

“for y/n

i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number

and that’s how you started seeing each other

jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more

it would b like

you guys would hang out sometimes

and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes

like you’re at a coffe shop

you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖

and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine

so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen

like straight up he APOLOGIZED

FOR LIKING U

you were like goshkjsjksj so cute

and decided to play w him a little

“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”

he combusted

so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened

so caring literally sO CARING

calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations

he’s such a husband material fuck me

keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates

talking abt dates

fancy

i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy

such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad

jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips

“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”

on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you

simple my ass

keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it

on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family

and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”

fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone

loves cooking with you

like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you

probably because he gets to hug you a lot

like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking

“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”

once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before

you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries

long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan

“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”

so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers

he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖

you were like ,,,what

he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”

that’s right

you fucked

not fucked in a Fucked way

yall made love

kim junmyeon is all about luv

i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-

that person ruined it for me

i hate yall

i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person

takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve

on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work

HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH

jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing

that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly

he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”

but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out

so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips

he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really a vocal guy

heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon

very into dirty talk

but a fancy one

“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”

we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed

he’s a gentlemen fuck it

once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”

he got 😳 for a sec but got your point

not a rough lover but once you get in a fight

bitch

you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious

will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin

slaps your butt?

absolutely

a fucking lot

“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”

makes you strip for him

has a thing for watching where your bodies connect

call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun

like a little grin with puffy cheeks

and he’s back with the restless pounding

bathtub aftercare is a must

massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him

if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two

loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg

“oh god- just please- jun, faster”

likes it when you rub his back after

get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex

lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”

you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life

once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there

he just poured a whole “marry me”

like dude.

“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”

he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder

“of course i’ll marry you a few years”

his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”

he actually got emotional

“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v

“yes really”

and there was a teardrop

you felt like dying

i mean I feel like dying rn

doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday

and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that

his parents? ofc they know you

exo? absolutely sure they know you

“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”

really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious

and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose

which is probably normal since he’s a leader

but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried

once he actually CRIED out of stress

and you ofc were there

you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”

you didn’t stop worrying

you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”

he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while

his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck

he once said the sound of your breath calmed him

so that’s what you did

you calmed him

and that’s everything he ever wanted

someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone

he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears

he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him

after all those years of hardship and responsability

you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis

he deadass thinks abt your marriage

like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open

his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

his arms goes to your sleeping body

& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”

idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind

i honestly love him sm

such a nice boy

he deserves so much more

give lota of love to him he’s perfect

that’s it i’m done

[barnesthesarge]

Here For You (2)

Bucky X Enhanced!Reader

Summary: The Avengers have a new enhanced on their radar when they run into you during a HYDRA extraction mission.

Warnings: language, VIOLENCE, flirting

Instead of going to your friends house like you originally planned, you went to one of your safe houses, deciding against putting her in danger. When you unlocked the door, you found the house just as you left it.

“Safe house sweet safe house.” You said to absolutely no one. You turned the TV on and put on the news, making a warm cup of coffee to soothe the coldness currently in the house. You groaned at the lack of any milk of cream, and groaned louder at the thought of grocery shopping.

You turned the heat on, lighting candles on the way, and whined, seeing it was now raining. You went into your bedroom and grabbed clean clothes, taking a hot shower, and leaving the house to get groceries.

Your new phone buzzed, showing that Tony had texted. Hi Y/N, I hope your flight was well. I put the whole team’s numbers in your phone. Don’t hesitate to contact any of us if you need to.

You shut it off and went about shopping, deciding to just order food rather than cook. It wasn’t long until you were snuggled on your couch, paying attention to the news, and eating. A weeks worth of groceries stocked.

A story about HYDRA came on and you stopped eating to listen. “Witnesses say Iron Man saved a woman from the van, and when authorities arrived every member that was in the van was taken into custody. There’s speculation about who the woman kidnapped could be. However if she’s wanted by a terrorist group, it’s safe to say that she’s relevant with them. We reached out to Tony Stark but so far there’s been no answers. We’ll let you know when we find out more.”

You rolled your eyes, going back to eating and flicking through channels, leaving on a dramatic soap opera. You finished eating and cleaned up. Your phone buzzed again.

Hello Y/N, it’s Bucky. I’m not very good at using these things, but I’m here if you need anyone. I know how lonely it is to be on the run. I don’t know if you know anything about me, but I was holed up in Bucharest for a while until I was forced to come out of hiding. While it’s nice to be on your own and not have anyone to worry about, it’s also isolating and lonely. I remember hearing creaks and groans of the structure of my apartment and thinking it was my last day alive. It wasn’t until Steve helped me that I finally felt okay around other people. Make sure you keep your eyes open for anything suspicious and remember the SOS button Tony showed you. Again, I’m here if you need anyone.

You shut the phone off again and rubbed your temples, you hated that you found it endearing that he was worried about you.

You opened it back up, Thanks Bucky. All is well here, just cold.

Where are you? If I’m allowed to ask, Tony has access but I don’t.

Who’s to say these aren’t traceable by HYDRA (; I wouldn’t want them knowing I’m in London.

Ha-ha, very funny. Man if I was in hiding right now I’d want to be somewhere warmer than London. FRIDAY says it’s raining.

I have a safe house here. Otherwise I would’ve fucked off somewhere tropical, trust me.

Maybe if you start rain dancing it’ll go away. Think warm thoughts, maybe hula dance. You never know (-;

You grinned at the device, I’ll keep that in mind.

How long do you plan to stay in London?

You sighed now, closing the phone, that was enough of updating until the next destination, you peaked out the curtains to see it was already dark outside, and got ready for bed.

———————————————————————

“Barnes, she’s completely fine. She’s been in the same place for a week, and has shown no signs that she’s in danger. So what she hasn’t answered your text.” Tony was in the middle of finishing a 3D blue print.

“What’s that for?” Bucky asked, it looked like a bedroom.

“Well, if Y/N ever decides to stick around, I’m making a room for her. Or if she ever comes to visit of course. I offered that to her.” He shrugged and Bucky bit his lip to hold back a smile. “You like her, don’t you?” Tony turned around abruptly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I know nothing about her. I’m just being friendly.” Bucky lied, the truth was that he already knew he was whipped, you could kick his ass with just your attitude, and he found it endearing.

“Mmhmm, yeah okay Bucky. When you’re done drooling about her maybe you can convince her to stop traveling around the world and join us.” Tony paused, “if you score a date with her someday, I’m gonna be livid.” He chuckled and turned back to his work. Bucky took it as a hint to get lost.

His phone buzzed, Im leaving London today.

Bucky smiled proudly, he was finally getting a reply, Going anywhere fun? (-:

You ask too many questions.

His face fell, shit that was why she didn’t reply. I’m sorry.

Bucky felt dumb when he didn’t get an answer, and instead of thinking about it went to go workout. He was in the middle of starting a ten mile run when Tony appeared behind him.

“Barnes, since you seem to really care, Y/N is leaving and heading somewhere else.” He flashed him a smile that didn’t quite reach the eyes.

“I know she’s leaving London, where’s she going?” Tony cocked his head.

“How’d you know she’s in London? Are you snooping my office when I’m not around?” Bucky blushed.

“No, I-um, I asked her and she told me.” Bucky could feel heat radiating off his cheeks.

“So you know where she’s going then too?” Bucky shook his head.

“She told me I ask too many questions, and hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“Darn, I was gonna ask you to be on her security detail. She’s heading to Arizona, and she has a layover for two hours, but if you aggravate her I don’t want to send you.” He shrugged, “I’ll ask Steve.”

“What-no! Tony I was texting her days ago too! You said it yourself I actually show I care!”

“Maybe a little too much..” Tony trailed off, “I’ll ask her who she wants me to send. It’s not safe for her to be alone in New York.”

Bucky stepped off the treadmill and walked upstairs into his room, pulling his phone out. He had no new messages.

———————————————————————

I was to send a security detail to protect you during your two hour layover. Do you have any preferences on who I should send? I’m thinking Steve, Bucky, or Wanda. Your choice.

You stared down at the text, you wouldn’t be in New York for another 6 hours. Now you had to think about who you’d want to be there. Definitely not Wanda, you had a feeling you were off to a rough start with her. While you did collapse a roof on her, you felt it was fair since she prodded in your head. Steve was honest but you worried that maybe he was a bit too concerned, he always had his eyebrows knitted. And Bucky, he asked too many questions, he tried to get you to stay with the Avengers, he had his foot in your door. You couldn’t stand how much you almost liked talking to him. He was the only Avenger besides Tony to reach out and text you.

Send Bucky. You replied, shutting off your phone and deciding to sleep the rest of the way. When you woke up, the captain was telling everyone to fasten their seatbelts, as it was time to land.

Hey Y/N, I’ll be waiting at the gate for you (-:

You blushed, oh god Bucky was going to see you after you just woke up. You patted your hair down and within a couple minutes the plane was landed, and everyone was grabbing their bags and getting off. You grabbed your duffle and followed the slow pace of everyone exiting. You met Bucky’s bright blue eyes and he grinned, you forced yourself to watch your feet in order to disguise the butterflies you were getting.

“Hey, nice to see you in one piece.” You met his eyes again.

“I’m not in one piece yet, I could really use some coffee.” He barked a brief laugh and grabbed your bag.

“Here let me get that for you, I saw a Starbucks on my way here.” You followed him in silence, scanning the crowds of people for anyone suspicious.

You ordered a drink and sat across from him, he set his phone down and folded his hands together, “Arizona, huh? Are you taking my advice about warm weather?” He had a mischievous smile.

You finally cracked a smile, finding his to be much too contagious, “No it’s a bit too hot there for my liking. I’m meeting up with someone I haven’t seen in a while.” He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh—“ your order was calling and you hurried to grab your drink, sitting back down, and eating a pastry you bought. “Just so you know I’m scheduled for a mission tomorrow, I’ll be gone for a week. Sam, Steve, and Natasha will be with me. Anyone else is fair game to talk to.”

“Where are you going?” You asked, not knowing why exactly you cared.

He chuckled, “Afraid I can’t tell you.” You nodded, frowning, “how long are you staying in Arizona, do you have any plans on where you’re going next?”

You bit your cheek, “No, I plan on where I’m going based on who I feel like seeing, or rather if someone texts me. I have lots of friends around the world, and all of them always miss me.”

“So you use them for places to stay?” He teased, “Do’ya have a boyfriend or something?”

You raised your eyebrows, “I don’t have time for boys. I’m too busy saving the world every once in a while.” You blushed at the thought that he cared.

“That’s fair. I have a feeling even if you did you move too fast around the world for him to keep up. You seem like you sure know how to keep people on their toes.” He winked at you and You furrowed your eyebrows.

“That would be his problem.” He opened his mouth but you cut him off, “You’re asking too many questions already. Enough of those.”

“Yes, of course. I’m gonna go get a drink for myself.” He excused himself and got in line, metal hand gleaming in the sunlight.

You pulled out your phone and saw that Tony had texted, How’s everything with the Terminator?

Fine, you replied, putting it back in your pocket. Bucky sat back down, “Man this stuff is expensive. All I got was a black coffee and it’s still like $4..”

“Welcome to the 21st century.” You mumbled, staring around the cafe, “Say, you see that guy over there?” Bucky subtly turned his head and looked to the guy you were indicating. “He’s been hovering quite a bit, wouldn’t you say?”

“He was lingering at the gate too, but it doesn’t seem he followed us here alone.” He paused, “He has a comm in his ear, we have to go.” Bucky grabbed your duffle and the man stood up, whispering something to his earpiece.

“FRIDAY, cancel Y/N’s flight, and tell Tony we’re coming to the compound right away. There’s an agent following us.” Bucky grabbed your arm and rushed you.

“Bucky he has a—“ you quickly put up a purple shield between you and the man, who just tried to shoot Bucky. “Gun.” You growled, using the same powers to slice the mans hand clean off, “But he can’t use it.” Bucky looked to you in shock, and then smiled. You ignored the mans howls of pain and continued running, while more men appeared out of nowhere.

You lost track of who was an airport security agent, and who was a HYDRA agent. Bullets were flying now from all directions, and now you kept a shield all around you, taking the time to injure each HYDRA agent. Bucky pulled you into the parking garage, and everything got quieter. It wouldn’t be like this for long.

“It’s gonna be an awkward fit, but come on.” He dragged you in front of a big motorcycle, handing you your duffle bag. He opened the seat and handed you a helmet. You heard the door open and lots of footsteps. You put the helmet on and squished the dufflebag between the two of you, holding on tightly.

The engine roared to life and Bucky sped off, you blocked more bullets, Bucky veered out in traffic and swerved around people aggressively. You could feel your heart racing, as you held on to Bucky’s chest the best you could with the big stuffed dufflebag between the two of you. By the time you got to the compound, you were shaking from adrenaline, and holding Bucky so tight you were sure it hurt him.

Tony and Steve ran out of the compound to meet you, Bucky parked the bike and you stepped off, he caught you when he saw how wobbly your legs were.

“What the hell happened?” Tony barked, you pulled your helmet off and Bucky took it back.

“HYDRA agent, he seemed to be alone but when we noticed him he came after us and others came out too, some dressed as airport security.” Bucky kept a secure arm around your middle.

“Y/N, you need to stay here.” Steve said, “Come on I’ll take you to your room, Tony and Bucky need to talk about what happened.”

“No way, I’m not letting her out of my sight. I’ll bring her to her room and then we can talk.” Steve raised his eyebrows.

“Barnes, you’ve done enough. Y/N, follow Steve.” Steve grabbed your bag and you hesitantly stepped out of Bucky’s grasp, you hated that somehow Bucky was now in trouble.

You followed Steve inside, and he led you to the elevator, “All of our rooms are on floor five, there’s six above floors, and as you can see, several below. There’s a gym, rec room, track, pool, spa room..” he trailed off, “just about anything you could want. We have state of the art kitchens..” you stopped listening and grabbed the elevator railing, stabilizing yourself.

The doors opened and you realized Steve was still talking, “Oh and Tony has a nice party once a month, we do weekly movie nights, weekly training sessions together—“

“Steve please just take me to my room, I think I’m gonna be sick.” You pleaded, he nodded and brought you down a hall of many doors, down at the very end he opened a door and dropped your dufflebag on a king sized bed.

“That’s the bathroom, and the closet is over there. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Just talk to FRIDAY if you need anything.” You nodded and went straight to the bathroom.

You stayed in the bathroom until you knew you weren’t gonna vomit, so instead you pulled out a pair of pajamas from your bag, changed, and crawled into bed. You sighed at how comfortable it was. You pulled your phone out and sent a text message to your friend saying you wouldn’t be there, that you had a family emergency.

You shut your eyes and just about fell asleep when a voice overhead piped up, “Hello Ms. Y/N. I’m FRIDAY. Mr. Barnes is at your door and is requesting enterance.”

“Let him in.” You commanded, sitting up. Bucky came in, looking weathered.

“Hey Y/N, I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” He stood at the doorway and you patted the bed, he came over and sat down to face you.

“I’m doing better, just tired from my flight and everything that happened.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry. I got distracted. I should’ve realized that the HYDRA agent was there before you pointed him out. I failed my duty to protect you.” His jaw was clenched, and now he bit his cheeks.

“Is that what Tony made you think?” You chuckled, “I don’t think either of us are hurt, are we?-“

“That’s because you put shields around us.”

“Bucky, you agreed he was suspicious, and that you noticed him beforehand. We wouldn’t have made it out alive if you hadn’t of driven so well.” You reached over and rubbed his metal arm reassuringly.

“I’m no longer going on that mission tomorrow, Tony thinks it’s a better idea if I hold down the fort and stay here. We can do something around here if you want.” Bucky stood up and sighed. “Thank you for not berating me.”

———————————————————————

Bucky didn’t sleep as well as he’d hope to. He felt dumb, dumb that he let Y/N distract him when you weren’t even trying to do that. You could’ve gotten hurt, or worse killed. He was too absorbed with how little time you guys would have together he didn’t even think to look around. You didn’t see it but he did.

Everyone had already left, and he was the first awake. He kept hearing Tony’s word in his head. “You can’t let your feelings get in the way of your job.” “She could’ve died and it would’ve been all your fault.” “This was a failure on your part, you’re lucky she’s a quick thinker.”

Bucky was just happy you didn’t feel the same way. Speaking of you, you came out of your room in your pajamas, wandering into the kitchen.

“Good morning.” Bucky tried super hard not to think about how cute you looked when you had just woken up. “Coffee?” He had brewed a whole pot in case you wanted some too.

“Mornin’, I wouldn’t mind a cup. Thanks.” He poured some into a mug and handed it to you.

“There’s sugar and creamer right here.” He pointed on the counter and you didn’t hesitate. Bucky made note of how you made your coffee, and watched you take a seat at the bar. “Are you hungry?”

You met his eye and grinned, “Are you always this chipper in the morning?”

Bucky’s cheeks turned red, “chipper?” He paused, “are you teasing me?”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead teasing you.” You shot him a wink.

Bucky readjusted his stance to seem taller, back straightening, “I would never let that happen.” He bit his lip to try and hide a smile, “although I would’ve never predicted you’d be so flirty in the morning.”

Your cheeks turned red this time, “Flirting? You think this is flirting?” You crossed your arms and stood up, leaving your coffee sitting and returning to your room.

You shut the door behind you and leaned against it, were you flirting with him? Why are you offended he called you out on it? Isn’t that good?

You opened the door and came back out, sitting back down, Bucky put his newspaper down. “Back so soon? Did you miss me too much?”

“No, I’m hungry. I would sell you for food.” Bucky flashed a beautiful smile, you felt your heart rate quicken, it dropped just as fast.

“And how much do you think I’m worth?” He stepped closer now, you could almost smell his cologne, you tried your hardest not to notice his stubble on his jawline. Or the way his shirt hugged his body, the way his hair was pulled back into a bun, just one stubborn strand you were dying to push back.

“At least enough for breakfast.” You concluded, “So about...French toast, bacon, and hash browns.”

He stood right in front of you now, “Of course doll, the metal arm itself could get you lots of that. I’m sure a couple of my super soldier organs could get you a lot on the black market.” Your heart rate was only climbing.

“Well get to it then. I won’t ask for your body parts again.” He grinned excitedly and walked back around to start making breakfast.

Did you really just flirt with Bucky, willingly?

———————————————————————

A/N: I hope you guys are liking this so far (: I’m really enjoying writing it! My inbox is always open!

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[unicamendes]

Remember

Shawn Mendes x Reader.

Summary: y/n remembers her first love and starts to reminisce.

Warnings: flashbacks, fluff, mention of death, some language, and reader hallucinating. p.s not proofread.

A/N: inspire by the song cavalier by James Vincent McMorrow and All I Want by Kodaline. I’m suppose to be writing part 2 for WR, but a bitch lied bc I was feeling annoyed with my writing and insecure about it. ha! idc anymore if its shitty or whatever, I’m just writing hah okay anyway enjoy! also this is just fictional I don’t want anything to happen to shawn or his family ! ALL FICTIONAL!

——

Shawn’s living room was crowded with family and friends, all dressed in black. you never thought this will happen to you or to his family, but that’s life, we die and well, we mourn, sometimes wondering if that loved one is in heaven, if there’s even a heaven. too many questions filled your mind, why did he have to go? why? why now? he was too young, he still had a life to live, to get married, to have kids, he talked about wanting kids with you, he always said that he was going to marry you, but that never came around, he was gone.

“y/n? can you help me with some stuff?” karen looks at you, her voice filled with sadness. you look up at her, nodding softly. you follow Karen’s steps, on the way you were being greeted with sympathetic smiles and looks, finally coming to a stop. you took notice that you were in front of his room. door closed.

“i have some boxes in there that I think you should look over, before...,” she takes a shallow breath, trying to compose herself from not crying, but failed as tears came down her cheeks. “before I send it to the storage.” she says voice breaking. you fiddled with your promise ring that he gave you on your fourth anniversary. the memory of that day still fresh on your mind.

-

“Shawn, where are you exactly taking me?” you giggle, his hand covering your eyes.

“patience, my girl.” he chuckles at your impatience. you never really liked surprises, and you were outside, the cold air causing you to get goosebumps. which made you more agitated.

“Shawn, im cold, can you please tell me where are we?” you shiver in between your words. shawn takes his hand away, looking down on you with a smile. a warm loving smile.

“okay open them.”

you open your eyes, and you gasp in adoration, bringing a hand to cover your mouth. it was beautiful, so fucking beautiful.

it was perfect, lights surrounded around the white tent, a table for two, rose petals scattered all over the floor, candles lit, champagne placed on the table and food set, and the sunset was beautiful, you always wanted to look at the sunset just the two of you, alone. Shawn had a huge smile and his eyes shimmer with happiness. happy that you loved it.

“you always told me you wanted to see the sunset, so.., here it is.” shawn gesture his arms out, with a chuckle leaving his mouth.

you face shawn, your eyes flooded with tears, your hand still hovering your mouth, but quickly removed it. you jumped onto him, hugging him tightly. he adjust his legs trying not to fall back, because you literally jumped yourself on him without no warning. he embraced you, arms tightly around you.

“i love you so, so, so fucking much! thank you!” your words muffled, you sure loved this man, he’s your happiness. your everything.

“anything for you my love. now let’s go eat, before the food gets cold.” he joked, letting you go down slowly.

The sunset had gone down now, leaving you guys to enjoy the stars that were glimmering on the night sky, you had also finished your food and now you guys were enjoying each other’s company. like you always do, but shawn seemed nervous, rubbing his hands on his thighs, kept glancing over at you here and then.

“everything alright, love?” you furrow your eyebrows in worried, looking over at him. Shawn stops his actions, to give his full attention to you.

“yeah, why? are you..alright?” he stammers.

“yes, but you seem nervous. like nervous, when you’re about to go on stage, nervous.” you explain, “you sure you’re alright?”

shawn mumbles something not catching onto his words, but he gets up from his chair and gets on one knee.

oh!

He was having trouble to get what he needed to get out of his pocket. clumsy and dorky shawn. he nervously chuckled. After how many minutes went by he finally took out, a velvet box, but to only drop it on the floor. you giggle at his clumsiness. he retreated back to his hand.

“ha, sorry. just fucking nervous, aha.” he apologize, taking a deep breath. “Okay. here it goes.., y/n I love you so much. you are my best friend, my love, my sunshine and my everything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, want to grow old with you, want you to have my kids someday and want you to be my wife, this ring.,” he opens the velvet box, to show a silver diamond ring,”this ring is a promise to you, that I will always be there for you and that everything I just said is a promise. so, y/n, do you accept?” his hands shaking with nerves, keeping eye contact with you. waiting for an answer.

“yes! you silly!” your face was bright, fully blissful. Shawn takes the ring out of the box, and sliding it onto your ring finger on your left hand. Shawn gets up, cheeks rosy, blowing a breath out, makes you think he was holding it.

“for second I thought you were going to say no.” he laughs. you tilted your head confusion covering your face.

“please, for you..,anything.” you tease, wiggling your eyebrows. “but seriously, that was cute, besides you being clumsy..,” you quipped, earning a roll of eyes from shawn. “kidding my love..,I loved it. I love you.” Your tone now serious.

shawn leans, placing a sweet kiss to your lips.

you were happy. both of you.

——-

You smile softly at the memory of it. karen looks at you, placing her hand on your lower back.

“shawn would want you to keep some of his stuff, knowing how much he adored you.” she sniffles, mixed with a low chuckle. “ill give you some privacy, if you need anything, I’ll be here, your family.” you thanked Karen, before she left to attend the rest of the people.

you took a deep breath, slowly opening the door, and you were found with the smell of him and how the room didn’t change the last time you were here, which was a few days ago. he left it how you always hated it. messy, clothes scattered on his bed and his laptop still open. nothing changed. your eyes roamed around the room, and you catch a glimpse of the boxes karen was talking about, they were near the closet, hiding in the corner of the nightstand. you walked over to them picking one up and placing it to the bed. you hesitate to open it, your hand feeling the cardboard.

“just open it.” you muttered. you carefully opened it, to reveal his hoodies and some polaroid pictures of you and him and some of family and friends, all them were showing his beautiful smile, you take some the pictures looking closely at them, but one caught your eye. it was a picture of you and him laughing, cake all over his face,it was taken on his 19th birthday party, which you threw a surprise birthday party for him at his condo. you heart ache at the sudden memory.

-

you rush over to the door, quickly turning off the lights, hushing up everyone. “be quiet. he’s coming.” you backed away from the door once your heard keys being push to the keyhole. Finally opening the door, Shawn enter , turning on the lights.

“Surprise!!” everyone hollered with excitement. shawn jumped from the sudden outburst, hand on his chest feeling his heartbeat. “holy shit! you guys almost gave me a heart attack!” he laughs. they laughed at his remark.

“happy birthday, Shawn!” one of his friends yelled.

“who’s idea was this?” shawn ask, genuinely curious.

“your girlfriend, it was all her!” brian points at you. Shawn turns around and boy was he happy to see you after two months of not seeing each other, you had told him that you won’t be able to come and visit him due to school.

“you liar! you said you couldn’t visit me because of school.” he pretends to be mad at you for lying to him. he walks over to you, carrying you off your feet, spinning you around. he was happy, that he’s love is here with him, on his special day. you giggle, cupping his face, giving him a kiss.

“alright, we get it you’re in love. now can we start the party?” brian says in disgust, face scrunched up. shawn puts you down, a smile still plastered on his face.

“don’t hate, appreciate.” shawn’s arms wrapped around your shoulders, as you both walked. he looks over his shoulder, “don’t just stand there, let’s get this party started!” his laughter filled the condo. everyone cheered.

———

You put the picture back with the rest, closing the box, putting it a side, as you grab for the other, struggling since it was heavy. you didn’t hesitate this time and opened it and some of his awards and trophies were inside, but a small black velvet box stood out with note stick to it, you knitted your eyebrows.

Weird.

You grab the black velvet box, taking the sticky note off, reading it.

to the love of my life. -shawn

your eyes were getting watery, as you read over the note, his messy writing that you missed, you opened the box, to reveal a square blue diamond ring, you gasp in shock,, the ache in your heart grew. he was going to proposed. you let yourself break down, tears were coming down fast, chest rising and falling from the heavy breathing, clenching onto the black velvet box, sobbing uncontrollably. you took a seat on the bed, laying yourself down, positioning your knees pressed together, clinging onto yourself, his clothes hitting your face, which made you cry even more, his scent was still there.

“shawn.., why’d you leave me?” you cried out in pain. “can’t do this alone. I need you.” you breath out.

you felt a touch on your cheek, brushing off your tears. “it’s okay. im here.” you heard his voice, your breath quickened, snapping yourself up.

“Shawn?” you ask, waiting for an answer, but only met with silence.

-

“i love you.” shawn looks at you one last time, before closing his eyes. you were holding his hand, yelling at him to keep his eyes open. you were begging.

“Shawn, baby, please don’t.., Shawn, no, please, god, no! No! No!” you cried out. your hands were covered in blood, not yours, his. You called the ambulance, but they were taking too long. you yelled in anger and sadness. He was gone. The love of your life was gone just like that.

“I love you too, Shawn.” you whispered to his ear, kissing his cheek. “Always.”

[maldaptivedaydreamer]

Nights Like These- K.T.H

Genre: Pure Whole Sale Angst

Song: Out Of Love by: Alessia Cara (listen while reading)

Pairing: Taehyung/Reader

Word count: 1981.

Warnings: None?

A/N: I stayed up till well past 4am writing this so please spare me your thoughts on this? Requests are open. Chapter two for Strange Addictions is in progress and will not be published till I have either 4K words or I’m satisfied. In the meantime have this.

My skin is raw and sensitive from the intense heat of the water and scrubbing motions against the rough sponge. The apartment was nearly immaculate, not that it was much of a mess before. My routine for the past few weeks was to clean, work, and then clean again. My phone filled with unanswered and unopened text messages. But I can’t find the ability to mind. The messages or the routine either one. I just need the distraction from the aching in my heart and my head. Anything to keep the memories from replaying, to keep his voice from echoing, or the ghost of his touch from lingering.

Clanking the last dish into the drying rack and draining the sink, I dry my hands briskly on my jeans, turning to head back to my dimly lit bedroom. The curtains pulled open so that the only light is a gentle glow of the surrounding buildings and the stars.

“Should I stay up and gaze a bit? Or should I try to get some sleep?” I say to myself knowing it doesn’t really matter. At night you can’t run from yourself. When you are all alone and are forced to confront the truth, sleep becomes a friend and enemy. One in the same. The bed is especially colder now. More spacious. Truthfully that could be said about the whole damn apartment. A tear slips from my eyes but I still stand in place, my body knowing what’s to come already. Moving towards the window, I gaze at the people below me. It’s only 9pm and it’s Saturday so couples and groups of friends alike venture up and down the streets. Getting lost in the scenery, I begin to see the past before me; as if reliving it.

The Good

“How did you guys meet again?” A question from Jimin.

He smiles nervously and laughs a bit to himself. A night on the town to celebrate the engagement ended up being filled with laughter and teasing all around from the lively bunch.

“Aish you’ve asked that too many times now..”

“I know I know but I still can’t believe it. Our own Taehyung-ssi is getting married before the rest of us?!” Jimins smile only brightened more as Tae tightened his grip on my hand, mirroring Jimin’s smile. The warmth in my heart spread to my face while I gazed at the love of my life. Feeling my stare, he turned to me, placing a chaste kiss to my nose and forehead and rubbing his thumb thoughtfully over my knuckles.

The sky was hot pink and purple with scattered clouds here and there. A low breeze brought with it the smell of street food and honeysuckle. It was as if someone painted this moment in rose gold and garnet.

“And there she was soaked to the bone with a tiny Pomeranian on a leash wound around her legs. She looked like a mess haha!” I hit his arm playfully.

“Yea yea he caught the other dogs and helped me bring them all home. My hero”

Rolling my eyes at the fond memory despite the odd circumstances. I never imagined he would want to take me for coffee directly after despite us both being soaked.

“You’re forgetting the part where you tried to hit me with an umbrella before you realized I wasn’t stealing said dogs”

“Shhhh no one needs to remember that it’s fine it’s fine”

Shutting the curtains finally I resign myself to the bed, slipping out of my jeans and undergarments. The sheets smelled of fresh lavender and citrus. I couldn’t help but to wash them as much as possible; both to rid them of his sent and all the tears they’ve since soaked up. The cold is never enough to numb my soul in the night. No sleep is ever deep enough to drown out the loneliness. But sometimes I find comfort in the pain and the longing. I know I’ll move on someday and I’ll fall in love again. That is never my worry. Never the source of my sorrow. No the pain is in remembering the hope I had. In remembering he won’t be by my side anymore. All the futures I dreamt up, the worlds I built around him. The children I had fallen in love with before ever knowing. The family that now would never be his and I’s. The pain allows me to hold onto him just a bit longer, allows me to imagine just a bit stronger. In the broken pieces I see who I can be beyond this. The woman staring back at me, between the cracks and my weaknesses, she stands tall. Waiting for me to meet her, but I’m just not ready yet.

His scent is still here no matter how hard I try to rid myself of it. Shifting in my spot, I pull my legs just a bit higher to myself. I remember the first night I slept alone.

The Bad

The room was a mess. Clothes strewn about and the bed torn apart. Drawers were ripped open and their contents scattered across the floor. The couch was tipped over and the closet was emptied.

“Do you have any idea where you last saw it?! Any idea at all?” He asked frantically as he continued his mad search through the apartment. But I couldn’t blame his hysterics. And I couldn’t bring myself to let any tears fall. I didn’t deserve to.

“ I’ve been looking all day Tae. I even called my sister, my best friend, your hyungs. They said they haven’t seen it since we went to the theatre” the last few words were strangled. Both from holding back so much, but also from fear of the reaction sure to come. His body froze in a bent down position. Eerily calm, slid the dresser drawer back shut. He straightened himself but wouldn’t face me. His voice reached me, deep and dark, venom dripping already.

“Why would you take it off in the first place?” He whips around and strides towards me in less than three steps, grasping my shoulders tightly and searching my eyes. “Why would you take it off knowing how important it is?”

“I told you I don’t remember. I wish I did. I tried to find it desperately before-”

“Before what? I noticed? Is that it? God do you even care at all? Or is this all a game to you” He lets me go and pinches his nose with one hand while the other rests on his hip. This has been going on for nearly two hours and I was growing weak from holding in so much.

“I had thought you were sneaking around behind my back with the way you had been acting and hiding your phone but this?! Just rip my heart out next time”

“You can’t honestly believe I did this on purpose Tae??” I choked.

“I DON’T KNOW Y/N. YOU NEVER TAKE ANYTHING I SAY SERIOUSLY AND YOU’RE ALWAYS FORGETTING IMPORTANT SHIT.”

“I DO LISTEN AND I DO TAKE YOUR WORDS SERIOUSLY TAE JESUS FUCK IM GOING TO FIND IT. I KNOW ITS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE… if....if you would just calm down” he snaps his head back in my direction at this.

“Calm down? You lost my grandmothers ring! When I proposed to you with it, told you the meaning behind it, told you all the stories about growing up with her and since her passing I thought you would protect it with the same intensity as I had. It represents more than my promise to you. A promise you let slip away”

“Baby please I didn’t mean-“

“It doesn’t matter what you did and didn’t mean y/n. Look I’m just….I’m just gonna spend a few nights at Joon’s”

And with that he walked past me, without grabbing a thing, and out the door. I found the ring the next day underneath the bed along with papers and other carnage from the night before. And all I could do was stare at it. Not daring to touch it for fear it would disappear again before me.

Despite that being over a year ago a sob rips through me and I cover my mouth with my hands. All the tears I couldn’t cry that day greet me 10 fold every night. Was that where it began? Was that when you lost your faith in me? You started distancing yourself around then so it had to be. You didn’t come home for 2 whole weeks. Even after Joon told you I had found it. You grew more agitated and impatient until you broke.

The Ugly

“I just…. I miss her so much. And I don’t have much of her left with me.” He cried sitting on the edge of the bed. It had been almost a month since that night but it had opened more wounds than it had made. I crawled up behind him, careful as he winced at my touch, ignoring the pain his reaction shot into my heart. Rubbing circles into his back as he leans into my chest and lap, eyes closed as he nestles his nose into my neck.

“I’m sorry. For how I acted. I was hurt but it gave me no right to hurt you as well.” He strokes my cheek and for a moment things are calm. Still I don’t cry. I don’t deserve to.

“She would’ve loved you if she were still here.” He kisses my cheek before making his way along my jaw, twisting to reach my lips. I let him pick me up, his hands roaming my body and searing his finger prints down to the fiber of my bones. I missed him. I missed him so achingly much that I ignored the feeling in my stomach. I might’ve been a bit of an airhead, but I always had a strong intuition.

Soon my hand isn’t enough to stop the noises and I sit up. Two sleepless hours have already passed but I’m not surprised in the slightest. To preoccupied with the storm brewing in me. He had come home less and less since then. Was less touchy. Didn’t hold me unless it was in his sleep or to assure his friends nothing was wrong. Holding the act of a happy couple for a few months. Until I came home and all of his stuff was gone save for one last box. I had caught him leaving and the image of his blank emotionless face, his arms full, in the door way of what was once Our bedroom was burned into my memory forever.

The End

“So..were you even planning on telling me?” My throat was dry. The evenness of my voice momentarily shocking me.

“I was going to before you got home actually. Look I’m sorry y/n-“

“Don’t. I don’t want an apology. I just…I just need to know when?”

“When what?” He asked cautiously.

“When did you fall out of love? When did you let our promise go?”

“Listen it was never you-“

“DON’T LIE TO ME! … please… I’m forgetful but I’m not stupid so don’t…don’t disrespect me like that.”

The words are ground out as we stare at each other. Expressions never wavering and no more words said. Once again, like so many times before, he gives me nothing. Taking the last box with him and leaving my life forever. Our group of friends silently separating. All contact completely severed.

But that doesn’t stop the gossip from spreading. Doesn’t stop me from hearing how he moved on not long after. A year later and he’s married now, celebrating his first born. Living happily with a woman he knew since he was little.

I couldn’t be happier for him. Of course I still silently wish him the best. But it’s nights like this, where I wish I had never held back.

[yslkook]

#customer centric (4)

#corporate masterlist summary: you arrive in tokyo and spend a few days catching up and reminiscing. jin comes as well, with a few old friends that you haven’t seen in years. Or, you wander around the city visiting familiar places and go to a club with people you haven’t called friends in years. word count: 8656 warnings: cursing, parental death, discussion of mental health, lots of alcohol a/n: this is part 1/2 of being in tokyo!! this is the top i envisioned for oc lol

You missed Tokyo, and Tokyo missed you. The city itself brings bittersweet memories to you, memories of your childhood with your dead father and grandmother passing through your mind as if you’re watching a movie.

Your dad had brought you to Tokyo every summer when you were young, until you were about seventeen or eighteen. Tokyo had become more of a second home than a vacation place for you.  You haven’t been here since college, about two years before your dad passed away. But despite that, it feels like home.

You can read, write, and speak Japanese fluently, which is part of the reason why you’ve been such an integral part of the team so far. The company’s sister branch is in Tokyo, and it’s not your first time visiting the branch, or interacting with your team members based in Tokyo.

You’ve wondered often, quite bitterly, if your fluency in Japanese is the only reason you’re even still on the team. Your boss and his boss at least trust you enough to be the responsible party for your team- there’s only one other member of your team here, Sana. But she’s relatively new, so the responsibility has fallen onto you.

That’s alright. You operate well under pressure.

You’re joined by your small knit team, Sana, Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon had managed to finagle with the budget enough that you could arrive a day early, on Friday, and spend the weekend in Tokyo before the workshops began on Monday.

And Seokjin would be flying in on Saturday morning with some of his friends. You’re grateful that at least Jin was coming. Whenever Jin makes these spontaneous types of trips, they’re bound to be eventful. 

Monday and Tuesday will be filled with workshops, proposals and pitch meetings. You made Jin promise that he’d spend time with you during the weekend, so that you could show him some of the treasures you remembered from the city. Despite your many years of friendship, you had never been to Tokyo with Jin and you want to show him some of the places Appa used to take you to.

You’re excited. Even if Jungkook, with his big, sparkling eyes and his natural curiosity is coming along. Seeing him, even though it’s been well over three months that he joined the company, sends you down a dangerous path that isn’t fair to him or to you.

You have to constantly remind yourself that it’s not his fault and you shouldn’t be mean to him. It’s not his fault that your boss and his boss are out for your blood and refuse to give you recognition. But you can’t help but feel like he’s part of the problem that has faced you for the last three years. Part of the same awful old school, conservative mindset that so many of your peers were part of as well.

The leadership at your company needed a drastic overhaul, but you would be the last person to voice those thoughts out loud. Unless it was to Jin. 

You know Jungkook doesn’t deserve your unspoken rage. You can admit that, but you’re not saint enough to channel it somewhere else. You’ve mellowed out considerably from the initial few months, but you could stand to be a little warmer to him.

After all, the way his bunny smile takes up half of his face when he offers it up to someone so worthy… that means nothing to you.

You arrive in Tokyo with your team at around eleven AM, and you check into your hotel rooms about an hour later. Jungkook and Sana had planned the logistics of the trip, from the hotel to the taxi service to lunch, dinner, and the company sponsored happy hour on Monday and Tuesday. 

Because you were in Tokyo for work, you fully planned on using your company card to the fullest for the next few days. This company could kiss your ass, and you would be more than willing to spend as much as you needed to as a subtle ‘fuck you’. It was your version of flipping off your boss, for when he would have to approve your expense report sheet. 

Namjoon had given you Friday to yourselves, to get acquainted with the hotel room and the area itself. Sana and Jungkook had done a good job with choosing the hotel- it has a wonderful view of the city from the rooftop, and being inside the sophisticated hotel with it’s hues of black and white and pops of color and elegance. This regal building screams opulence and you’re bathing in the luxurious feel of it all.

The diamonds of the chandeliers hanging high above you glint in the dim light of the lobby, bouncing off of the sleek, black piano and adding to the romantic air. Was this a love hotel? You scoff to yourself, keeping your head down as you exit the hotel and head in the direction of your favorite park, the Happo-en Garden. 

When you had told your therapist that you’d be coming to Tokyo for the first time since your father’s death, she had immediately picked up on your hesitation-

“It feels weird to be there without him. Almost like the place doesn’t exist if he doesn’t,” You scoff, wringing your hands together.

“It certainly exists without him. And you do, too,” She says kindly, “Maybe you’ll feel close to him when you go there.”

And she was right, as she usually is. You sit alone at a freshly painted red bench with a box of street snacks, including some of Appa’s favorites. The sunshine glimmers against the still lake in front of you, hues of green fading to orange and red reflecting in the murky water. 

This park was a favorite of Appa’s-

“We’re still in Tokyo, but it feels like we’re so far away. Right, sweetheart?” He asks, dark eyes shining. Appa’s hand tightens around yours and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah! Like we’re close to the princess’s castle!” You gasp.

“That’s right, but the only princess I see here is you,” Appa smiles and you beam at him, all smiles and sunshine.

The memory is from when you were maybe seven or eight years old. Everytime you came to Tokyo with Appa, you always came to this park. Specifically to this area, where Appa claimed that the sun shined on the leaves and the water in a specific way that made everything feel like magic.

You had always scoffed at him, especially as you grew older and the lines around his eyes grew deeper. But you still entertained him. You never saw that magic that Appa claimed to see, but now, you wonder how you could ever not see it.

A breeze ruffles through the trees, whistling as it threads through your hair and running over the water. The clouds part for a moment, allows a burst of sunbeams to spread over the water and you gasp at the sudden golden filter over the surroundings in front of you.

Another breeze, one from your left side, presses against your shoulder and your cheek. Almost like it’s whispering to you. You whip your head to the side, only to find nothing next to you. You feel like you’re floating, with the gentle caress of the wind to keep you company.

You eat your snacks in silence, embracing the way that it feels like the wind is Appa’s caress against your skin.

By the time you return to the hotel, the sun is beginning to go down and a bittersweet sort of happiness settles in your heart. You feel closer to your dad than you have in a long time- this city was bound to feel like home with its welcoming arms curling around you warmly. You had spent the better part of the day visiting old sights and places that you had frequented to with Appa. 

It was peaceful, like a walk down memory lane. You could almost see your younger self bursting at the seams with joy at all of the new places. You could almost see her so eager to learn and demanding that Appa teach you Japanese immediately.

You wonder where that girl went. She’s lost, buried beneath layers and layers and maybe someday you’ll find her again.

Stopping by one of your favorite restaurants, you order all of your favorites times three. For your colleagues to have something to feast on when you returned from your day trip. You hadn’t been on your phone for most of the day, choosing to mute the group chat with your colleagues so you could truly be alone. 

Once you approach the familiar blue neon sign of the restaurant, you send them a text:

you: evening all. dont worry about dinner, Im bringing lots of food back sana: look who woke up from her coma namjoon: did you put it on your card? you: of course i did. you dont have to remind me joon ;)  you: want to have dinner together? jungkook: ya where should we eat Namjoon: come to my room, it’s room 1804 you: ok, be there in about thirty min

With your heart feeling full, brimming with fondness for your teammates, you pay for the heavy bags of food and make your way back to the hotel. You can’t help but smile as you walk with a little pep in your step.

“You should have asked one of us to help you,” Jungkook says reproachfully, taking half the bags from you.

Your arms ache, not that you’ll admit your stubbornness. You only smile sheepishly, “It was only a fifteen minute walk.”

“And this is a lot of food,” Jungkook muses, peeking inside as his doe eyes sparkle in anticipation.

“It’s our first team dinner in Tokyo. We deserve it,” You shrug.

“I also bought a few bottles of wine,” Sana chirps, dangling two bottles of red in her hands, “We deserve it.”

You laugh and she winks at you. Namjoon is already setting up the many boxes of food on the mahogany wooden desk in the corner of the room. The curtains are pulled back, affording you of a breathtaking view of the city lights and the now hanging moon high in the sky.

“The boss has the best view, huh?” You tease, nudging his shoulder.

“Jungkook picked it,” Namjoon shrugs, “I just wanted to share the view with you all.”

“How sweet of you,” You say sincerely, “Dinner with a view. That’s pretty romantic. And Jungkook has good taste.”

Jungkook’s ears flush at your praise and he covers his ears for a second. Not that you notice. You sit on the floor, across from Jungkook and offer to scoop food onto everyone’s plates for them. You ignore their protests and do it anyway, quietly asking how much of each they want. Sana fills up plastic cups with wine and labels everyone’s cup with a black marker so you can all keep track of them.

“How classy of us,” Namjoon snorts but says thank you to Sana.

“Did you bring wine glasses in your luggage?” Sana shoots at Namjoon, “I didn’t think so.”

You stifle your laugh behind your hand and shake your head. “Feels like college, if only those cups were red,” You joke.

“My roommate still uses red cups sometimes, for casual purposes,” Jungkook says softly, “It drives me up the wall. Like, can you drink out of a normal cup or what? I get flashbacks to beer pong almost every morning.”

You laugh a little harder at that, and the sound is sweet in Jungkook’s ears. He wants to see if he can get you to laugh like that a little more.

“I mean, we’re grown now. I can’t believe Taehyung sometimes, having his morning orange juice in a red solo cup. It’s heinous.”

Your eyes are overflowing with mirth, the sound of your genuine happiness echoing in Jungkook’s ears and he can’t help but smile in return.

“Morning orange juice,” You mutter, “That’s adorable. Taehyung? That’s the name of your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, “We did undergrad together and he’s an aspiring art gallery curator. He’s actually coming here tomorrow-”

“Wait, hang on,” You say after chewing through a mouthful of noodles, “Is this Taehyung, as in Kim Taehyung who you snuck into that bar with and he ended up getting absolutely hammered and stealing three bottles of alcohol? Before getting kicked out and Jin and I took you both home? That Taehyung?”

The fondness with which you speak of Taehyung unnerves Jungkook. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods, “That Taehyung.”

“Sounds like a real class act,” Sana says dryly.

“Wow, I haven’t seen him in years,” You exhale, “I think Jin’s bringing some friends from college tomorrow, too.”

“Yeah, he mentioned a Jimin and a Hoseok,” Namjoon adds.

“Damn, Sana, maybe we should’ve brought our friends, too,” You murmur, teasing but honestly, you don’t really have anyone you would’ve asked to bring, “Can’t wait to see what this boys weekend brings.”

You fully anticipate that Seokjin will rope you into whatever shenanigans they have planned, and you don’t even feel bad about crashing. You make a mental note to let Sana know of whatever plans they invited you to, so that she wouldn’t feel left out.

They don’t ask where you were all day, and for that you’re grateful. The lines of professionalism are beginning to blur for you, and you don’t want to burden them with your feelings and problems. You don’t want them to think differently of you for trying to catch a glimpse of Appa in your memories. 

Jin would say you were being silly, but you can’t help it. Maybe someday, but not today.

But Jungkook does wonder. Where were you all day? When the group chat was going off, you were silent. It was none of his business, but he’s curious. And he’s curious about you. You hadn’t changed out of your day clothes or taken your makeup off. He can see the nearly gone darkened stain of your gloss on your lips and the curl of your lashes. Jungkook keeps his eyes above your neck, knowing that if his eyes begin to wander he would be even more of a goner than he already was.

It’s September in Tokyo, meaning that it was warm during the day and somewhat chilly in the evenings. Your dark green long sleeved shirt is tucked into your shorts, complete with a black belt, leaving your tanned thighs on display. Jungkook thinks he catches a glimpse of a tattoo peeking from your shorts, but he thinks he imagines it. 

Until your shorts ride up just a little and he sees an array of colors and the fleeting sight of a flower on your upper thigh. Jungkook swallows nervously and stuffs his face full of udon noodles without hesitation. If his mouth is stuffed with food, then nobody will look twice at him and he can keep his thoughts to himself and ogle at you in peace. 

The logic makes sense in his head.

Your voice carries over to Namjoon, telling him that you’ll be picking Seokjin, Jimin and Hoseok up in the morning with the rental car.

“Hey, if Taehyung is arriving at the same time, do you want me to pick him up?” You ask, turning your gaze to Jungkook.

“Huh?” Jungkook asks. You roll your eyes.

“Taehyung. If he arrives at the same time as Jin, Jimin and Hoseok, do you want me to pick him up?”

“Er,” Jungkook says eloquently, “He’s actually been here for the last week. Thanks, though.”

You want to say that Jin would cause a scene and whine at you if you didn’t pick him up from the airport, the prince that he is. But you keep it to yourself- after all, he’s somewhat of a boss to Jungkook and Sana. 

You nod in understanding and shove more noodles and meat into your mouth. You stretch your legs out in front of you and Jungkook doesn’t look away, instead allowing his eyes to rake over you shamelessly. Nevermind that Namjoon and Sana are right next to him, probably wondering why he’s staring you down so intensely.

The four of you spend the rest of the evening discussing your plans for the weekend, avoiding the topic of work altogether. It’s nice, you can almost believe that you’re all just four friends making a weekend getaway without the confines of work looming over your heads.

Namjoon offers to split the remaining food amongst the four of you and puts equal amounts of everything into each container for all of you to take back to your rooms.

And then Sana pours more wine for each of you and you feel yourself beginning to get more and more relaxed with each sip you take. You want to open your stitched together lips, tell them how it’s been so long since you’ve had alcohol with anyone who wasn’t Jin. You want to tell them that you like red wine more than white wine, but nothing beats soju-

“What’s your favorite kind of wine,” Jungkook asks. He comes to sit next to you on the floor, stretching his legs out. His shoulder brushes against yours and you feel something like electricity at the soft touch.

“Um… I like reds over white wine. But I haven’t had that many reds to say which kind is my favorite,” You muse.

“Guess we’ll have to try some more red wine, huh?” Jungkook says, his eyes sparkling and bunny smile on display. 

Your heart warms and sputters at the same time.

“Yeah,” You nod breathlessly, “What about you? What do you like?”

“I’m not picky. I don’t really like cabernet,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, “Too bitter for me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” You giggle, unable to believe that such a noise is coming out of your mouth. Despite Sana and Namjoon having their own conversation on the other side of the room, it feels like it’s just you and Jungkook for a minute in your own bubble.

“I like a good chardonnay, too. Nice ‘n crisp.”

“Me too, I love that crisp taste of a good white wine,” You reply, unable to keep your eyes off of him for longer than a second. His cheeks and the tips of his ears are a pretty pink and you wonder if his cheeks are as warm as yours are.

“Thought you didn’t like white wine?” Jungkook murmurs, head tilting inquisitively. 

“I prefer red, but if there’s white wine in front of me, I mean,” You shrug, “It’s not like ‘m gonna say no.”

“Oh? We’ll have to test that out, too,” Jungkook smiles, “I like soju the best. Nothin’ beats soju.”

“Yeah, peach and green grape,” You say knowingly, “The only flavors with rights.”

“Exactly. You get me,” Jungkook nods with wide eyes. He asks you about Tokyo, if you come here often. You answer him somewhat vaguely, but tell him that you grew up reading, writing and speaking Japanese. He looks impressed by that and the fondness in the lines of his lips startles you.

You chalk it up to the romance of this city making you soft and pliant to his doe eyes and the warmth of his smile. He’s so easy to get lost in- you find yourself leaning closer to him to hear what he has to say about his own travel dreams. He wants to go to New York City and Bangkok and Athens- the way his eyes light up constricts around your heart.

Every part of him radiates warmth and you want to be draped by it. He says something that makes you smile and laugh, and you swat at his shoulder reflexively. Jungkook only looks at you in that way. The way that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. He’s good at that.

He has hearts and stars in his eyes for you and it makes you choke.

Maybe you had imagined it all because you remember where you are. You’re in your boss’s hotel room and he’s standing right there. Jungkook sees the spark in your eyes disappear immediately and you pull away just as quickly, as if the moment had never happened.

He won’t deny the sting, but you’re so easy to get lost in. The fog in his mind clears, and while it’s only been a few minutes that you’ve been alone. It feels like much longer. But Namjoon and Sana are still deep in conversation, his dimples on display and her smile bright.

You pull away but your dark eyes are still wide and focused on him, stars swirling in your irises and Jungkook thinks he might fall into this wonderfully brown abyss held in your pretty face. Finally, you move away from him on the floor, almost immediately missing his warmth. You look back at him as you move to get some water, the same curious look on your face.

Your face is burning, and you’re surprised you’re able to keep this cool for this long. The urge to bolt from Namjoon’s hotel room and back to your own is one that you have to fight. But instead, you stay planted where you are. Jungkook confuses you, you hardly even know him and you had let him get so close to you. It’s not something you usually do, but what unnerves you is how nice it felt. The closeness of him, his eyes on you and only you. Are you bothered by it? 

No, you realize. No. You quite liked it. You’re supposed to hate him- he represents everything you hate. A young kid, a boy, raising quickly through the ranks of your corporate world, while you grasp at straws. 

Does he? Does he represent everything you hate? What a load of bullshit.

You swallow again. You need to leave.

“Hey, Joon,” You say softly, touching his elbow, “I’m going to head out. It’s getting late and I’ve gotta head out early tomorrow.”

Jungkook’s heart drops. He’d made you so uncomfortable that you were abruptly cutting your night short. Because of him. He needs to make this right.

“I’ll walk with you,” The words tumble out of Jungkook’s mouth before he can stop them. His heart is pounding in his ears- he needs to apologize before you hate him even more.

“Okay,” You reply with a smile, “Here are your leftovers.”

“I’ll walk with you both,” Sana says, taking her bag.

With that, you say your goodbyes and leave Namjoon’s room to the elevators. Your head feels like static, a wave of thoughts congealing into something impenetrable. The doors ding shut, all three of you standing on opposite ends of the elevator. You can’t look at Jungkook, you can’t see his doe eyes. Not right now.

Sana calls your name, “Thanks for the food.”

“No problem, Sana,” You murmur, “See you tomorrow.”

And then it’s just you and Jungkook in the elevator. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says immediately, “I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. If you don’t wanna talk to me outside of work, I get it-”

“What?” You ask, finally looking at him. You take a step forward, close enough to him that you’re in his orbit. “You didn’t… You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Jungkook. I would have told you if you did. You just… confuse me.”

The last bit comes out as a vulnerable whisper and all Jungkook can do is nod. 

“Goodnight, Jungkook,” You say clearly, casting him a look over your shoulder as you exit the elevator. Your eyes are guarded once more, as if the night hadn’t happened. As if he hadn’t fallen for you even further. You wash him away from your bloodstream quickly and Jungkook feels his heart aching once more.

By the time you pick up Jin, Jimin, and Hoseok from the airport and arrive at the hotel, it’s nearly noon. The car ride back was fun, dare you say it. It amazed you how Jin still remained close in contact with people you went to college with. It felt natural, talking to Jimin and Hoseok. As if years hadn’t gone by.

They were hot, and that was your first assessment when you had met them at the airport. Jimin and Hoseok had both embraced you in tight hugs, without any regard for whether you wanted one or not. You found that you didn’t really mind.

You didn’t know how you were going to survive this weekend surrounded by these many attractive people. 

“We should celebrate. For this reunion,” Hoseok says.

“Jungkook is here, too,” You reply, “A great big university reunion right here in Tokyo, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you guys work together now,” Jimin says.

“Wait, you guys are friends still?” You ask.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Jimin says, genuine confusion in the handsome planes of his face.

You suppose everyone else is better at making and maintaining friendships than you are. It stings a little, having so many people from university in the same place. In the city that already holds so many memories for you. But you’ll embrace it, because that’s what you’ve been working on. Embracing change.

And of course, what was a boys weekend without a night out at the club? Jin had all but demanded that you come, in true dramatic fashion- I can’t go out without you, you know. I can’t believe you’re considering leaving me like this. I’ll die there without you.

It didn’t take much from you to roll your eyes but agree and tell him that you were inviting Sana.

“Go pregame and get ready with your boys,” You had urged him, “It’s so rare you all are together like this. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Are you sure?” Jin asked with uncertainty and you had only smiled warmly at him. 

“Yes, Seokjin. I’m sure. I’ll be crashing the party soon, don’t worry,” You reassured him and he left your hotel room. He promised to text you when to come and you just nodded, shooing him away.

That had been nearly two hours ago, and you’re putting the finishing touches on your makeup with Sana getting ready in the bathroom. Music is playing through your phone and once you’re done with your lip gloss, you make drinks and prepare shots for you and Sana.

“You’ve gotta tell me how you’re friends with so many hot men,” Sana says, taking a seat on the bed.

You scoff, “I’m really only friends with Jin. The rest of them come with Jin, we’re hardly friends.”

“Oh?” Sana asks with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow, “You all went to school together, right?”

“Yeah… Something like that,” You say lightly, “Jin kept in touch with all of them. I didn’t.”

You leave it at that and Sana knows not to press further.

“They’re all nice guys. I always had fun with them,” You say fondly, “You will, too.”

“Cheers to that,” Sana grins, “We look hot. Let’s take a picture.”

“Should we send it to our boss,” You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, that would send him off the deep end. He’d be here in five seconds, dragging us out by our ears,” Sana rolls her eyes as well with a laugh.

You try your best to make Sana feel as comfortable as she can with you. At least so that she’s comfortable when you go meet up with the guys later. You know it can be intimidating being around people who are so close, but they’ve always been welcoming.

It begs the question- why did you let them all go?

You don’t have time to unpack all of that. By the time Jin texts you, telling you to come to his suite on the eighteenth floor, you and Sana are three drinks and two shots in.

You’ve drank more in the last two days than you have in the last year alone. At least that’s what it feels like. 

You make sure to take your hotel card, phone and wallet and ensure that Sana does as well. Giggles erupt from the both of you when you enter the elevator, and excitement thrums in your veins. The liquid courage bouncing around in your veins makes you feel relaxed and you tug Sana’s hand out of the elevator once the steel doors open.

You text Jin from outside his door, you can already hear the loud peals of laughter and the beat of music through the walls. You wonder if they’ve gotten any noise complaints yet, but probably not- his room is the only one on this side of the hotel. He probably did this on purpose.

When he doesn’t answer your text, you decide to knock obnoxiously and Sana giggles at your impatience. On your fifth knock, the door swings open and you see Jin’s tipsy face complete with reddened cheeks and his broad smile. 

He hugs you like he hasn’t seen you in years, he even lifts you off of the ground a little bit. Your heart flutters with affection for him as you whine for him to put you down.

“Jin!” You shriek, “At least go inside, dummy- stop embarrassing me-”

He finally puts you down and holds you by the shoulders to take you in. His eyes are sharp and he says nothing as he assesses your outfit, apparently deeming you as acceptable as he waves you inside. He says hello to Sana, who returns his mellowed out hug graciously.

Jin hands you both full cups, and you trust Jin enough to know it’s a yummy but strong drink. You grip your cup tighter and allow Sana to go in front of you. The last thing you want is for her to feel left out, so you want the guys to be introduced to her first.

Besides, they all already knew you.

Jin does the introductions quickly, the guys all warming up to Sana and bringing her in for hugs as well. Her cheeks are flushed, and you knew she’d feel flustered. They’re intense in their friendliness and it would make anyone feel flustered and warm.

And then their eyes land on you and you wish you could melt into the floor. Six pairs of eyes stare back at you- apparently Yoongi had also decided to come as well. 

College reunion indeed.

You stay close to Jin, offering them a weak wave of your fingers and a smile. 

“Hello boys,” You say dramatically,  “Long time no see.”

“Jin’s been hiding you all to himself, hasn’t he?” Jimin says, not bothering to hide the way he’s looking at you. And you don’t mind, not really- you know you look good.

“I just saw you this morning. When I picked your sorry ass up from the airport,” You reply and Jimin pouts at you as everyone around you laughs at his expense. 

“Still so mean,” Jimin murmurs and you roll your eyes.

And with that, alcohol continues to flow as the chatter continues on.

You cast another glance to Sana, making sure she’s not by herself. You relax when you see her talking to Yoongi and Hoseok, smiling to yourself at how quickly she takes to them.

“Hey pretty,” Jimin says, seeing you near the alcohol and joining you.

“Hey you,” You parrot back and he smiles at you in that sweet, disarming way, “Want a drink?”

“You always made the best drinks,” Jimin says, handing his cup over to you. You ignore the way your chest tightens at his use of past tense.

“Maybe you just never knew how to make drinks,” You murmur, “Probably still don’t, huh?”

Jimin laughs lightly at that as a silence falls between you both. “You look good,” Jimin exhales, “You doin’ alright?”

You never know what to say to that. “Yeah. You look good, Jimin. You doin’ alright?” 

“Yeah. I’m still in Seoul at the dance school. Don’t be such a stranger,” Jimin murmurs and before you can protest, he pokes your forehead affectionately. 

“You’ll ruin my makeup,” You complain but give him a small smile, “Jimin. ‘M glad to see you. All of you.”

Jimin looks like he wants to say something more. But he bites his tongue. This isn’t the place to pick a petty fight, so he lets it go. Jungkook approaches you both, resting his arm on Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin groans dramatically and Jungkook only offers him a smile and a giggle.

“Cup’s empty,” Jungkook says, wiggling his cup to both of you, “Stop hoggin’ the alcohol.”

“Blame Jimin. Everything’s his fault,” You tease and Jimin rolls his eyes at you both.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jungkook grins and Jimin slips out from under Jungkook with another roll of his eyes. “Hey, you met Taehyung yet? My roommate? You ‘member him?”

His eyes are slick with alcohol, and yet they still sparkle at you like you hold all of the answers to the universe in them. He has this way of making you feel like you’re the only person in the world. It unnerves you, like many things about him do.

“No, where is he?”

Jungkook shouts for Taehyung to join him and you wince. All of a sudden his sandy haired roommate pops up from the direction of the living area and joins you at the drinks table. He looks a far cry from the boy you had driven home that night many years ago.

You knew being in the presence of so many attractive people was going to kill all of your brain cells by the end of the night.

Taehyung calls your name and nerves seize you inexplicably. 

“You remember me?” The words escape your lips before your brain has a chance to stop them.

“Course I do? The pretty girl who saved Kook and I at that one bar that I’m still banned from?” Taehyung grins, his eyes sweet and sincere.

“Jin was with me too, don’t forget him,” You say dryly, “Nice to see you again after all this time. And you’re Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Unfortunately,” Jungkook chimes in, earning him a laugh from you.

Taehyung is magnetic when he speaks to you, honey dripping from his tongue as he tells you about his journey as an aspiring art museum curator. Passion lights up his dark irises, his smile matching the intensity of it and you’re certain he has this effect on everyone he speaks to. They’re both so close to you, in your bubble and the scent of their cologne wafts into your nose. 

You drink more. You don’t know how to cope with all of this. So you drink.

Jungkook tells you that they’ve been roommates all through graduate school and they had recently moved into a new, bigger place. Now that they were both making a little more money. You find yourself benignly jealous of the life they live- two close friends living together and living for these kinds of nights with their other close friends. The bond they built and strengthened over the years is obvious in the way Taehyung holds Jungkook close, the way Hoseok lights up the entire room and makes everyone smile just because he’s smiling, the way Yoongi and Jimin bicker like an old married couple… Namjoon has already slotted himself within the group. Jin probably introduced him to them a while back, you realize.

Jungkook excuses himself to use the bathroom, leaving his cup next to Taehyung on the table. Taehyung’s gaze makes you nervous- the shift in his eyes is apparent as he lazily rakes his eyes over you.

“Kook told me he was workin’ with you again,” Taehyung murmurs, “What he didn’t tell me was how pretty you are.”

“What a line,” You say flatly and roll your eyes. To your surprise, he laughs, his smile making you smile as well.

“Just bein’ honest,” Taehyung shrugs, “‘Snot everyday you see our hot grad school girl after five years.”

“You’re full of it,” You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully, “‘Our?’”

“Jungkook was-” Taehyung starts but he’s interrupted by the man himself. Jungkook was what?

“You talkin’ about me?” Jungkook says, elbowing Taehyung. Taehyung only shakes his head and hands him his cup, before excusing himself. He throws you another charming smile and if you weren’t so on edge, your knees might have buckled.

“He’s…” 

“A pain in the ass?” Jungkook supplies, “Yeah.”

“No, I was gonna say he’s interesting,” You laugh. A short silence settles between you both, giving you a moment to really take him in. You itch your chin nervously before pushing your lips to the rim of your cup and watching him.

You’ve always known that Jungkook was somehow handsome, sexy and cute all at the same time- wide, doe eyes, pinchable cheeks, pretty smile, and then his body… His thighs strain against the tight material of his pants and you’re certain it’s deliberate. His button up shirt is loose but still molds to his muscles in that way where it leaves you wanting more. His shirt is buttoned at the elbow, giving you a peek to the smattering of tattoos on his forearm. His dark hair is parted in the middle, all soft and shiny, and a little long. It settles over his forehead, almost in his eyes, effortlessly. Two hoops in each ear glint in your direction and you swallow nervously.

Jungkook catches you looking at his tattoos- how ironic, considering he’s doing the same of you. The satin black top you’re wearing has a plunging neckline, giving him a view of the tattoos stemming from your upper arm to your clavicle.

It also offers him a teasing hint of your bare chest where if you turn to the side just a little, he catches a glimpse of even more. It makes him swallow, just as nervous as you. The top itself is loose, only cinched a little at the waist but your pants are tight, your strappy heels adding even more dimension to your legs.

You nervously twist the layering of gold necklaces around your neck. Jungkook has always thought you were beautiful, but he’s never seen you like this. Not even when he knew you years ago.

“Your cup’s empty again,” You laugh nervously, offering to make him another drink. You don’t know what to do with your hands, wanting to keep busy.

“Oh,” Jungkook breathes, “Yeah.”

He tries to keep his eyes on your hands, really he does. But you bend forward just a little and his eyes immediately flit to your plentiful chest. 

Jungkook thinks he might die, and what a way to go.

You pull away from the table, handing him his drink and he thanks you quietly. Jungkook ignores the way your eyes shine curiously at him, and he buries himself in the confusion fuzzing up his mind.

Jin, to your relief, pulls you away from Jungkook before you can do something incredibly stupid. Like let him burst through your carefully structured walls even further than he already has.

Typically, clubs are not your favorite place to be. The intense crowd, the neon lights, the smoke… It’s all over the top. Usually, you can’t even hear yourself think over the music. Though, you don’t mind the sense of anonymity in such a crowded place. Besides, you’ve heard great things about IBEX, so you’re curious about it.

It’s a huge place, easy for everyone to split up, but still small enough that you can easily find your group. You urge Sana to go have fun with the guys as you order a round of drinks for everyone. As one of the oldest of your friends, you felt that sense of responsibility for them. Even if you hadn’t called them friends in years.

You signal them over once the drinks are ready, catching Namjoon’s eye and beckoning him over. They slowly begin to surround you, shouting thank you’s over the music. Jimin slings his arm around your shoulders as if it’s nothing. As if he’s known you for all this time.

It makes you feel warm. He gazes at you with crescent eyes and a full smile. It makes your heart thump heavily in your chest.

“Cheers,” Jimin says, tearing his eyes away from you and towards the group. His toast elicits a sequence of ‘cheers’ from everyone. You scan across all of them before your eyes inevitably land on Jungkook. He’s looking at you with a smile, the kind of smile that makes you wonder if it’s a smile only for your eyes.

Your smile matches his in intensity, neither of you pulling your gazes away. Until Jin pulls you away from Jimin, exclaiming that he needs to dance with you. His best friend.

The moment passes, and you make sure Sana is okay. She’s conversing with Yoongi now, and he’s laughing at something she’s saying. It makes you feel warm. Again.

You allow the music to pump through your veins as laughter bubbles from your lips freely at Jin’s antics. You entertain him, copying his coordinated movements with his same enthusiasm. You can tell he’s drunk, from the fiery flush in his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He abruptly pulls you close to him for a tight hug and holds your face in his hands.

“Jin,” You giggle, “What you doin’?”

“I love you,” Jin giggles, “Y’r my best friend, ‘n I love you.” He always got like this when you were drunk, so affectionate. You wonder how he knows exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

“Can’t wait for you t’meet Yuna when we get home,” Jin slurs.

“I’m excited, too-”

“She’s nervous y’know,” Jin continues as if you hadn’t said anything, “Knows y’r my best friend.”

“Jin,” You exhale, “Even if she doesn’t like me, you clearly like her. I shouldn’t matter-”

“No,” Jin says sharply, “Why d’you think you don’t matter? You matter to me.”

“Jin-”

“Stop it,” He silences you and you comply with a sigh. 

“She doesn’t have to be nervous around me,” You finally say.

“You can be a little scary when you want to be,” He teases.

“That’s exactly how I want to be known,” You scoff and Jin laughs, swaying with you offbeat to the music. You stand with Jin like that for a few minutes, sipping on your drink and giggling at his antics.

“Seokjin,” You murmur, voice a little shaky, “I never say it but… I-I love you. So much. You’re my best friend and my rock. I don’t know who I’d be without you-”

“You’d be you,” Jin says without missing a beat, “You’d be scary, intense, kind, genuine, petty, funny and beautiful with or without me, sweetheart.”

Jin sees wetness in your eyes and pulls you in for another hug. “None of that,” Jin murmurs, “Hey, let’s take a picture ‘n send it to Grandma. She’ll get a kick out of that.”

You stand in Jin’s arms, in the crowd of people surrounding you and not paying attention to you. Despite the throng of people around you, it feels like it’s just you and Jin, and your friends in the club.

“Let’s get back to our friends,” You say, “They probably think we’re making out-”

“You would be so lucky,” Jin scoffs, “Only Yuna gets this handsome face.” You pinch his cheeks affectionately and coo at him.

“Hey, by the way,” Jin says, “Not to be totally unprofessional here. But I’m pretty sure Jeon Jungkook has the hots for you. Kid won’t stop lookin’ at you. Not that I can blame him, I mean look at your tits.”

With that statement, Jin walks away from you, leaving you confused and curious- two words becoming increasingly common with your thoughts of Jeon Jungkook.

“Hey pretty,” comes a sweet voice to your right side. You already know it’s Jimin before you meet his sincere eyes.

“Hey you,” You reply, “Wanna dance? We used to always be in sync.”

If Jimin is surprised he doesn’t show it. He only takes your drink and finishes it, placing it on a high table near you. He walks behind you, a hand on the small of your back as you weave through the crowd easily. Bodies push back into you but you only dance along with them to move past. Jimin pulls you closer to him once he finds a spot, pulling you into his side. He turns you so that you’re facing him, the lights of the club illuminating the sheen of his lips and the shine in his eyes. You push a stray strand of his silver hair back behind his ear.

“I meant it you know,” Jimin murmurs, for your ears only, “You look good.” You lean into him at his praise, a hand on his chest. Your nails press into the soft material of his dress shirt and he tightens his grip around your waist, thumbs rubbing circles. 

“You do, too,” You reply easily, “You always did.”

Jimin scoffs but you look at him earnestly. “I mean it,” You say with a smirk, mimicking his words. He says nothing, only holds you and rolls his hips into yours to the beat of the music. He watches you carefully, trying to gauge your reaction. You snake a hand to the base of his neck and lightly scratch as he presses his nose to your neck. You’re lucky he’s holding you tight- you’re certain you’re knees would buckle if it weren’t for him.

It’s been years since anyone danced with you like this. You let out a soft sound into his skin and Jimin groans, pressing his hips into yours even more slowly if possible.

“Why’d you leave,” Jimin breathes into your skin, “Missed you. Missed my friend.”

“I was a mess,” You mutter, “I’m still a mess.”

“You’re here now?” He asks, looking at you with big eyes. Jimin cups your face tenderly, and you’re not sure how many of these kind touches you can take for one night.

“Yeah,” You say faintly, “I just… couldn’t. I still can’t.”

You won’t apologize for mending your own cracks the way you needed to. And Jimin knows that. “Don’t be a stranger,” Jimin says and pulls you in for a hug.

“Jimin,” You mumble, “I missed you, too.”

Barely stifling a yawn, you look around for your group. They’re all within eyesight of you- Sana and Yoongi were still engrossed in conversation with each other, Namjoon with Jin, Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung with Jungkook. Taehyung casts a look over to you and immediately whispers to Jungkook. It shouldn’t surprise you that they both saunter over to you, standing on either side of you. Taehyung wraps an arm around your shoulders and leans against you as if you’re old friends. At this angle, you can see the expanse of his tanned, golden skin since the top few buttons of his shirt are popped.

“See somethin’ you like?” Taehyung asks coyly with a wink.

“No, just wondering why you’re wearing tinted aviators inside,” You mutter, pointing at him, “You look like an asshole.”

Taehyung laughs, throwing his head back good-naturedly, “You clearly don’t know fashion. You must think you’re hilarious.”

Before you can retort, a yawn overtakes you. “Are we boring you?” Jungkook teases.

“No, ‘m just tired,” You blink to force yourself to stop yawning, “Hey, you guys wanna get ice cream?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says instantly.

Taehyung nearly snorts but agrees. By the time you and Jungkook say your goodbyes, and you ask for the tenth time if Sana wants to come with you (she declines, opting to stay with Yoongi), Taehyung is nowhere to be found. Jungkook rolls his eyes, his phone vibrating with a text from him-

taehyung: you’re welcome 

“Tae’s not coming,” Jungkook says slowly, wondering if you might change your mind if it’s just you two getting ice cream.

You shrug, “His loss. I know a great place.”

Taking Jungkook to one of your favorite ice cream places that you used to come with Appa to feels intimate. But it feels right and you’re not bothered by it. Once you buy your respective cones (you pay for both before Jungkook can even fumble for his card), you head back outside for a short walk towards the hotel.

The ice cream place itself was close to the hotel, though you had to Uber here from the club. It’s a nice night for a walk, a little chilly but not uncomfortably so. You and Jungkook fall into an easy conversation, talking about the silliness of your shared friends.

He looks nice under the moonlight, you decide. A light breeze lifts his hair up briefly before it flawlessly settles over his forehead.

“I can’t keep up with you,” Jungkook whispers, his words carrying into the night air.

“What do you mean?” Your heart picks up immediately at the anguish in his tone. The air between both of you shifts immediately. What was easy becomes hardened, the space between suffocating you. You can physically see him pulling away from you. Months, or maybe years, of frustration seems to be coming to a head right here. Right near your favorite ice cream shop.

“One sec you hate me. The next, you’re asking me to get ice cream with you,” Jungkook says, something familiar and icy curling in his brown irises. It always looks so off-putting, the callousness in his eyes. It seems to be directed at you so often these days.

“I don’t hate you-”

“You avoided me for 2 and a half months. You’re only talking to me now because you have to!”

“That’s not true-”

“Oh, really? You telling me that you the last two and a half months was all in my head?”

You stay quiet, because he’s not wrong.

“That’s what I thought,” Jungkook says to himself, tearing his eyes from you. The cold look in his eyes has returned and it makes your heart ache. He can’t look at you like that, you can hardly bear it.

“I’m fucked up, I get it. Don’t think I don’t get it-”

“You left. Without a goodbye and now fuckin’ five years later- my dream girl’s my colleague and she hates me.”

A sudden, chilling epiphany douses you- he has no idea why you left. You know him well enough to know that he’ll feel awful once you tell him. Apparently none of his friends had told him. Maybe they thought it was your story to tell. It’s not much of a story, not really. It’s the story of a heartbroken girl with commitment issues.

Your face drops. Maybe he’s hurting you the same way you hurt him. But it changes nothing.

“You can’t even look at me now!”

“You listen to me, Jungkook,” You hiss, “I’m not your dream girl. I’m nobody’s dream girl, so let’s get that straight. I’m awful a-and terrible and mean- and… 

“My dad died,” You finally whisper, “Appa died and I couldn’t handle grad school so I dropped out. Dropped off the face of the earth. Got the first job I could, for Grandma and me. 

“I fuckin’ dropped out, my daddy died and I can’t look at you sometimes because it fuckin’ reminds me of when I was happy and I can’t chase that feeling because I don’t know what it feels like anymore!”

Jungkook’s eyes are wide, pretty pink lips parted in speechlessness. Fuck. You’ve ruined any chance at friendship with him, you know that. So you bury the dagger even further in whatever this is and you turn on your heel and run. Because that’s all you’re good at. Running. Your eyes are blurry with freely falling tears and the sound of your own heaving sobs are loud in your ears. 

You leave your heart out on the streets of Tokyo, near your favorite ice cream shop but you don’t even hear the sound of Jungkook chasing after you.

[khotgirl]

Lost

Yoongi loved her so much.

Why did she have to leave? Did he deserve this? Did he even mean anything to her? How fucking pathetic was it that she just decide to get up and leave him out to dry. He felt helpless.

Love is not simple, we learn that since we are kids. Why do you think sometimes you get that tingle in your stomach when you have something as simple as a crush, well subconsciously the word rejection lingers in your mind.

When you don’t get what you’ve done wrong in a relationship and suddenly your partner (now ex) decides to end it, it’s inevetiable to stop you from obsessing  over it, think about it hundreds times, till your brain decides to think about “something else” but it doesn’t really cover for all the pain and the hurt you’re going through. Either way, your brain keeps on the mind games, makes you feel happy then sad all over again, it never gets tired and while you go through the rollercaoster of emotions - you just feel empty. Nothing makes sense anymore.

 You have to feel it, you have to feel the hurt and the pain, evrery singñe drop of it, so someday you can heal form al the damage that’s been created, you’re not gonna be the same anymore but you’ll eventually learn hot to be happy again.

Anyways, so fucking what if ou feel empty. Life always takes what makes you the happiest, always takes the things that are so precious to you and throw it away, letting you be in your darkest moments, feeling like complety shit and souless. You’re not yourself anymore.

Yoongi couldn’t accept it, he couldn’t handle it, he wanted her back so bad, he couldn’t stop thinking, he didn’t want the companion of others he just wanted her. She was his life, he told her everything, from the simplest things  to the sad and horrible things he thinks before going to sleep. She knew him more than anyone, and he still couldn’t believe that after all they’ve been through she just decides to go and leave him.

She just said “I don’t feel the same way as before, I don’t think i love you anymore, I’m sorry” She couldn’t look him, his perfect dark brown eyes, the ones that once were full of joy- were then full of sadness, sorrow, pain and fear, fear of losing the one thing he felt was right for his life.

 She then continued  to say “I really loved you at one time, i just have these feelings. I-I don’t feel like I do that anymore. loving you, it’s been a while since I started feeling this way” It all really just felt staged, she never loved him, she was just palying him like a puppet, he was his play thing until she finds the next BIG THING. He felt pathetic thinking someone could actually love him, be with him, for fucks sake BE in a relationship with him.

“I’ve found someone else” Yoongi  looked at her, he felt his heart break right then and there into a million pieces. He couldn’t believe he didn’t see this coming, he wanted to laugh at himself, thinking that he could have something nice for once in his life. Well maybe people are telling the truth when they say that love blinds us, it’s so true and in the most painful way.

After that day, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he even dreamt about it, he felt it all over again, he fell onto a hole and couldn’t get up anymore.

For months now they’ve broken up, he still couldn’t get over it, over her. He woke up every day went to work, produced some songs, (he writes the sourest lyrics and the deepest beats); he guesses that maybe people love it so much since is a feeling that everyone feel at least once in their lives; then he goes home. At home he drinks like a sailor and smokes like he wants to get cancer.  Self-destruction that’s how you call it, he couldn’t find any other source of happiness. Nothing was enough fot him, not the cigs, not the sex,not the alcohol not the porn, not even the fucking drugs, he wasn’t satisfied with his life anymore. He jus realized that there really way out from this shit-show people call life.

-

When he was with friends, he wanted out, he didn’t want to be with them, he was tired so tired of human interaction, his thoughts consumed most of his energy, he wanted to die and never have to look at anyone’s eyes again, not now, not ever. 

That until he found a girl on a quite depressing night out, she seemed somehow broken, she had those lost puppy eyes and a really sad smiled painted all over her face. He approached her, she was sitting on the last banco of the bar, he headed over there and said “Hey you look sad, want some drinks? On me ‘cause I had a pretty shitty day myself and I could use some companion" she looked at him with wide eyes. He could see she was hesitating, I mean who the fuck would just say “fuck it yeah I’m going to let you buy me some drinks and think you’re not some creep looking to take advantage of me” she made up her mind and shrugged her shoulders with a fuck it composure and responded “Yeah sure why not, I could use some drinks tonight”. The night was long, they talked about everything, they laughed, they smiled, they cried and were just strangers, they felt comfort in each other companion. 

But that’s all it was one not so shitty human interaction, with the same broken feelings, at a bar, with friends, feeling out of their element.

After that encounter with the not so anymore mysterious girl, he went back to being his old sappy self, “ it was nice to talk to someone about it” he thought “but that doesn’t change the way im feeling” he ended on a sad note.

-

He wrote letters to her, the girl he loved, probably more than a thousand times, he wrote letters, music, melodies, text messages, he didn’t want to give up, he couldn’t give up. It was hard for him to realize the fact that she was gone, that she found someone else that he was left alone in the dark feeling like shit, his mind was so fucked at this point he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to cope with his feelings.

Yoongi was alone, he had probably only two friend, others were just acquaintances he talked to from time to time. His family disappointed on him, his company now crumbling, they really needed Yoongi, but he was out of it. He spent most of his days drunk, drinking full bottles of wine, walking around his apartment sulking on why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? No one knew what was going on with him, he was done talking about his feelings, he kept them bottled up, the only way they could get out was when he drank, he cried so much, he called her, he wanted an out and not even his friends could tell them how to fix it, he felt like no one cared.

-

The feelings he held on for so long got the worst of him, he became rude to others, he was aggressive, scared, scared of feelings, hurt and tired. One of his only two friends left him they left him without saying a word, without trying to talk to him he literally just went up to them and said “Hey, words out that you don’t want to hang out with me anymore, is it true?” that was a lie, no one told him he just had a gut feeling and it was starting to be pretty much obvious, to which his “old friend” responded “Um hey yeah, I mean look I think we should take some time off of talking to each other I just want to hang out with my other friends so yeah, sorry”  Yoongi felt so heartbroken. The one person he thought would be there didn’t even have the guts to tell him the reason they wanted to stay away from him, they ended up resuming their relationship shortly after, but still made him feel insecure it made him realize that he wasn’t as important as he thoguht he was for some people at all.

During that part of his life he had obscure feelings, he didn’t try getting over her, he still tried to get her to contact he to get her to love him, he came back to self-destructing himself, only this time with the girl he’s been cherishing for so long used him, knowing how yoongi felt for her, she told him tstuff she knew yoongi would want to hear, they went on long walks they ended up  kissing each other everytime and Yoongi in that moment, felt like everything was falling back to place.

He knew though, what she was doing, he knew that she was using him and he let it happen ‘cause that was the only source of happiness he thought he could get. She stopped talking to him when she saw him, she wanted to see how much he could play with him, she wanted to see how much she had destroyed, she wanted him to beg to see how his face fals down when she was with other guys, when she was with her friends, when she was with his now ex. Yoongi took it all, he took it all because he loved her, he loved her so much to the point where he didn’t stop to think about the damage he was doing to himself.

-

He thought it was impossible to get someone you loved dearly out his head. She too at one point just really toyed with him, she used to ask him to tell her why he loved her, she spew words like “Maybe in the future we could be together, just wait for me to be ready.” The worst part, he believed her, and he got so happy when she said that. At those moments he felt like he was on cloud nine, he felt happy that he was spending so much time with her, with the lover of his life, that she would text him, that she would make him laugh just a little, her kisses made him forget all of the bad she made him feel. He knew inside, that it was just fun and game for her, that she would never look at him as more than just one toy who could play with his emotions, but he was in love, he fell in love so hard that not even if he had the chance to stop loving her he would, because he felt like his world would stop, he felt like there would be nothing to live for if he stopped loving her.

Those things said were just for a period of time, she started to ghost him again, she started acting like he was nothing, she made him be so used to her that now the thing she was doing was way worst, she ignored him when he talked to her, didn’t let him talk when he needed to, declined every possible text and call he would have made. Other days she would talk to him, she would call him, she would tell him to hang out and the next day never saying a word about it, she started playing but in a different way in a much more painful one, she would disappear for more than two weeks and then come back saying something on the lines of “Just fell asleep, ah ah.” Yoongi kept on knowing that she was just using him and letting it happen, not daring to leave, not now that he felt like he had her.

That went on up until probably 4 months when she decided to stay out for good, once again leaving Yoongi broken, he started calling and texting again, she would answer him from time to time but not in the way yoongi wanted. One day Yoongi woke up and realized that maybe, just maybe the relationships he tried, the things he had that didn’t really work out for him it was maybe because of her, maybe because he spent so much time thinking about her, sulking for her, longing that he didn’t even realize that he was destroying himself and he stopped after that day he stop calling, texting and thinking about her, he may’ve had a few slips but very little.

He still thought of her from time to time, he felt comfort of thinking of the feelings, the purest feelings he ever had, from time to time he still wondered what would it be like to be with her, how would it feel like if it wasn’t a one sided love, how would it be like if she cared for him, if she loved him like he did to her. There are days though still where he wants to talk to her, he doesn’t even know what he would say but still, loving her was really hard but easy at the same time, hard because it was so painful and easy because it was a pure feelings it came right out his soul, and he would always hold on to those feelings, cause that’s all they were now longing memories, memories he wished could’ve been better but still somehow got to live them, he got to live what love and falling in love felt like, how suffering for love felt like, how pain felt like and how sometimes it made him feel happy.

[cami-chats]

Abnegate

Fandom: Marvel

Pairings: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

Warnings: None

Tony loved being Iron Man. Hell, he was Iron Man, in a way that went beyond the fact of: Tony Stark is the person piloting the Iron Man armor. He never thought that he would ever give it up for any length of time, but here he was, retiring Iron Man, and all for a guy. He fell in love and got married. They were coming up on their first anniversary as a married couple, and he just couldn't keep up the lie anymore. He'd thought about telling Bucky-- of course he had-- but his identity was secret for a reason. Most of that reason was something he'd signed for Shield back when he'd gotten back from the whole ordeal with Stane. Usually that was something he gave fuck all about, but then he thought of Pepper. One of his best friends, and someone that he had thought was already prepared for him as Iron Man given what she'd had to deal with as Tony Stark's assistant. But he'd told her, and it had gotten her killed, so never again. It left him with three facts, two of which he couldn't change. 1. He was in love with Bucky. 2. He was Iron Man. 3. He was lying to Bucky on a weekly basis, making up stories for how he was hurting himself, and not being able to give reasons for why he was blowing off dates all the time. He was lying, and there were too many secrets between them. It was affecting their marriage, and Tony knew it. Bucky had yet to say anything, but he shouldn't have to; Tony knew it was coming between them. All of that left him with the choice of retiring Iron Man. He hated doing it, but he loved Bucky more. So he went into Shield and signed the paperwork. Fury was too well trained to show surprise, but he did try to talk Tony out of it, and that was the closest to an admission that Fury wanted him to stay on the team as he was going to get. "I'm doing one more trip in it," Tony told him. "Stark..." "It's not what you think. I'm just going to say goodbye to Cap." And the team, but it was mostly Cap that needed a proper goodbye from him. Fury paused, then nodded. "See if you can talk some sense into him, will you?" Tony snorted. "Just because I'm retiring doesn't mean that I'm suddenly on your side. I'm saying goodbye to my friend, not doing your dirty work." "Since when is talking to Captain America dirty work?" Fury asked him as he walked out the door. He shook his head. Stark would be back; he couldn't leave for good, no matter how much he might think he wants to. He put the paperwork through anyways. Once an Avenger, always an Avenger-- he just wasn't on the call list right now. 

Tony went to the Tower to suit up and flew over to Avenger Mansion. He used to live there-- both as Iron Man and Tony Stark-- but when he and Bucky moved in together, he started living at Stark Tower. It was easier to keep up with his secret identity that way, and the Mansion got attacked more often anyways; the Tower was safer for Bucky. He landed in front of the main door, and Jarvis opened the door for him rather than risk the armor accidentally crushing the doorknob (again). Jan perked up when she saw him, a garment bag in her arms. "Iron Man! What are you doing here? I thought you were being incognito today?" "Mister Stark's got someone else watching him right now. Do you know where Cap is?" "Gym with Winter, I think. Why?" He shrugged. "Just need to talk to him about something. What's...?" He gestured to the slip. "Dress for Tony's gala this weekend, I'm sure you'll see it then," she said with a wink. "Have fun with the super twins!" Tony chuckled and made his way to the gym, wondering how difficult Winter was going to make this on him. He didn't like Cap and Iron Man's friendship, and he insisted it wasn't jealousy, but that's always what Cap told him when they got alone. He saw them sparring on the mats and knocked an armored finger against the door frame to let them know he was there. Cap saw him and beamed, and Winter rolled his eyes, shoving Cap off of him. He didn't care, standing up and walking over. "Hey Iron Man, I didn't think you were going to be around today." "Yeah, little change of plans, I needed to talk to you about something." "Of course," he said, looking at him earnestly even with his workout mask covering pieces of his face. "Uh, alone," he said, glancing over at Winter, who was still sitting on the mats. Winter glared at him. "What do you need to tell him so privately?" "Winter," Cap reprimanded. He rolled his eyes again. "Fine, guess I'll hit the showers." They both waited for the door to shut behind him before turning back to each other. "So?" Cap said, back to happy. "I'm- uh, retiring." His smile froze on his face, and he tried to capture a little hope. "Oh taking another break? Yeah, you've been busy lately, don't worry about it. We'll see you around, yeah?" "Cap. I'm not... taking a break. I'm leaving the Avengers. Permanently." It felt like kicking a puppy that was also his best friend. The smile was wiped off his face like it had never been there. "Wh- is there something wrong? If Mister Stark needs more security, we can take up shifts until he figures it out." Tony shook his head. "I'm not going back to being his bodyguard. I'm giving up the armor." Cap swallowed thickly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Is... is someone replacing you?" "No. Well," he gave a harsh laugh that didn't have an ounce of humor in it, "maybe someday. But not anytime soon." "Is there anything I can say that would convince you to stay?" "I already signed the paperwork," he said gently. The armor didn't really translate gentle, but Cap had known him for years like this and he understood what Tony was aiming for. "I just came to say goodbye." "Okay," Cap said, and Tony could see him calculating. "Do I- do we get to see you still? Will you drop by to visit?" "Don't do this Cap. If you see me, you're just going to want me back, and you're going to expect me in battles where I'm not going to be." "I won't," he said desperately. "I won't do that Shellhead, please. Don't just leave me entirely. You're my best friend, you- you got me through waking up in this century, I can't lose you." Tony put a hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fine Winghead. You always have been." Cap clenched his jaw. "Fine, we don't get to see you in the armor. What about..." he visibly gathered his courage and looked straight into the eye slits like he could see straight through them. "Would you go on a date with me? I was thinking pizza. You always said that you loved pizza, but you could never have it with the team because of the helmet." Tony blinked in surprise. "A date?" He nodded decisively, chin jutted out, and Tony got the sudden vision of how he must have looked before the serum-- earnest but not self-confident, taking risks and putting himself out there every day. "I... you mean a lot to me, Shellhead. I've been wanting to do this since five months after we met." Tony's heart sank lower and lower, falling to his shoes. Cap was in love with him. He didn't say the words, but it was obvious-- how had he never seen this before? Iron Man's hand fell from his shoulder and laid limply at his side. "I'm sorry," he croaked. "If it's your identity, you know I won't tell anyone." "It's not-" Tony shook his head. "I'm married." Cap's face tightened in pain, and he hunched over like he did in fights when he was expecting a blow. Only this one was emotional, and he didn't have the shield to protect him. "Oh," he managed. His arms tightened across his chest, and Tony recognized the feeling of wanting to rub at your heart when it hurt. "I'm so sorry," he said, because that was all he could do. Cap shook his head vigorously, but not enough to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. "I- I should've--" he cut himself off, shaking his head again. He pulled himself together enough to give him a tremulous smile. "I'll miss you Shellhead. Have a good retirement, yeah? And- if you ever--" he stopped himself again, trying to shake the thought out of his mind. And if you ever find yourself single, maybe look me up. "Have a good retirement," he repeated. ~~~ After everything with Cap, Tony felt like dirt, but he still managed to say goodbye to the others. Like with Cap, they asked if they were going to still see him, but after he said that he'd already talked to Cap about it, they didn't bother pressing the point; if Cap couldn't convince him to stay, none of them would be able to. He went back to the Tower but didn't get any work done, opting to be miserable on the couch rather than miserable in the workshop. When Bucky got back from the fire station that day, both of them were feeling low. He slumped next to Tony on the couch. "How was your day?" "Awful. Had to fire someone," he lied, and he hoped to god that this was one of the last lies he would have to tell him. Bucky made a noise of sympathy and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "'m sorry. If it helps, my day wasn't much better." "I know they say misery loves company, but I'm not really happy that your day sucked too. What happened?" Bucky glared at the wall. "The fella Stevie was sweet on is seein' someone else. Can you believe that? Been stringin' him along for years, and he's living with someone." He shook his head, reaching back to untie his hair. "I told him that guy was no good for 'im." "You did," Tony agreed. For as long as Tony had known him, Steve was pining over someone, and Bucky was telling him that it wasn't going to go anywhere. Tony didn't know the guy obviously, but the way Bucky told it, it was hopeless to think he and Steve would ever get together-- looks like he was right. "How's he holding up?" "Not good," Bucky said with a grimace. "He thought this guy was the one, y'know?" Tony winced. "That's rough." "Yeah. I'm sorry honey, I know we had plans tonight, but-" Tony was already shaking his head. "It's fine. Go get him roaring drunk; it's the first step to moving on." "Is that what they tell you at your AA meetings?" "Well I'm not the one with a broken heart, am I? Besides, Steve hardly drinks, that might be what he needs right now." "If you say so." "What was your plan then?" "Junk food and rom coms." Tony made a face. "I don't want to trash your methods, but watching movies where people always end up together? That seems a little questionable." "Mm," Bucky shook his head. "We're watching He's Just Not That Into You, so it gives him the full spectrum." Tony laughed. "Sounds like fun, I wish I could come along. I'll just be sitting here pining for you." "Not going to get any work done?" Bucky asked, sounding surprised since that was usually what Tony did when Bucky had evening plans with someone else. He shrugged one shoulder. He really should start packing up all the suits, but designing anything would be far from possible right now. "I might. Guess we'll see." Bucky chuckled and gave his cheek another kiss, nuzzling until Tony turned to face him. He kissed him slowly, savoring the way he tasted. "I'll make it up to you," he whispered against Tony's lips. This was par for the course when one of them canceled a date, to the point that even if they didn't say it, they still did something special later on. "Don't worry about it," Tony said, knowing full well that Bucky was going to do something anyways-- again, it was what they did. Bucky hummed, rubbing their noses together before pulling away. "I'm gonna go change, but I'll see you tonight? Hopefully not too late." "Yep." Tony snagged another kiss. "Have fun-- or as much fun as you can have while mending a broken heart." Bucky grinned at him, and Tony's heart skipped a beat. "Will do, doll." He kissed him again before getting up to go change, and Tony watched his backside as he walked away. God, he loved him. Every day he thought he couldn't love him any more than he already did, and every day he was proven wrong. He waited for Bucky to leave for Steve's before heading to the workshop. He stood in front of the panel that hid the Iron Man suits and took a deep breath. This was ridiculous, right? They were just circuits and metal strung together, and he wasn't even destroying them. He was just... packing them up. Putting them in boxes and hiding them away so he wouldn't be tempted to use them. He only managed to get the Mark Three down before stopping. He went to the 'shop and worked on an upgrade for Cap. The poor man deserved something nice after the Iron Man... incident. He didn't get very far before saving what little progress he'd made, and he went back to the suits. The Mark Three had already been carried off by DUM-E, so he started on the Mark Four. He turned on music, so loud he couldn't hear himself think, and worked on packing up the rest of them. If he didn't think about it, it was like he was moving back to Malibu, not retiring completely. By the time Bucky got home, Tony had packed everything up and was looking at a few documents Val (his new assistant) had sent him. Guess he was going to be doing a lot more of this, now that he wasn't trying to keep up with two people's lives. Just the one. He sighed. If he could have Bucky and be Iron Man, that would of course be preferable. He shook his head to get rid of the thought and accepted Bucky's welcome home kiss. He smelled like vodka, but he didn't look the least bit tipsy. Maybe Steve had gone off and gotten wasted like Tony suggested. "How's Steve doing?" "Pretty miserable. He's still convinced this guy is the love of his life." "Didn't you talk some sense into him?" "I tried, but Steve said that I never liked him so what I think doesn't matter." Tony's eyes went wide. "Well then." "You'd be able to work it out," Bucky said, sounding strangely certain of that even though Tony and Steve didn't get along very well. Tony shrugged it off because Bucky said weird shit like that all the time. He leaned in to give Tony a longer kiss, but he shied away. "No offense babe, but you stink." Bucky's look of confusion turned to understanding, and he nodded, giving Tony some space and getting off the couch. "Yeah Steve sort of... threw a drink on me." "What? What for?" "Love of his life, remember?" "Mm." "Yeah. I'm gonna take a shower." "What happened to movie night?" Bucky made a face. "The punk wanted to take your advice, and Natasha sure as fuck wasn't helping. You should've seen the bartender's face when Steve tossed his drink at me though-- thought he was gonna have us beating the shit outta each other in his place." Tony laughed, able to visualize the terror the poor man must have felt; Steve and Bucky were both built-- if they wanted to destroy a place, they could do it. "I'm sure he was very happy when you didn't." "Darlin', you have no idea." He winked at Tony and made for the shower. He'd been hoping for some quality time since Tony was still up, but if he smelled like a distillery? Yeah, not happening, and he couldn't even be mad about it.

Two Weeks Later Of all the things Tony expected from his life, being bored was not one of them. Being Iron Man had kept him busy-- too busy, honestly. He'd had to shirk duties that both Iron Man and Tony Stark should be doing to make time for both identities. Even before Iron Man he'd been busy, but now it was less than he was expecting. He got used to running everywhere, never having a moment to sit down and rest unless he scheduled it, and now he had his usual meetings, the usual paperwork, and the usual projects to work on, with an average of five more hours a day to do it all. He also wasn't designing new Iron Man suits, so that was a weekly project that he no longer had to spend time on. He didn't have to cancel dates anymore because there was never an emergency that wasn't preemptively dealt with because of all his free time. The main problem with all of this? He was starting to get suspicious of Bucky, and he hated it in a visceral way that felt like it was clawing from the depths of his soul. Bucky wasn't doing anything unusual even. He still canceled dates occasionally, still told stories about down time with his friends, but something about it all rubbed Tony the wrong way. What kind of firefighter got calls at eleven at night on a regular basis? They had night shifts for a reason, and Tony never saw anything about big fires that would require the extra help. He found excuses for this or that, but there was one thing he couldn't explain away-- Bucky's injuries. Bruises? Fine, not ideal, but normal. But cuts? Sometimes it looked like someone tried to make him a human shish-ka-bob, and a week later he was perfectly fine. He hated himself for even getting that far in his suspicion. He was getting paranoid, looking for trouble where there was none, and it ate at him. Bucky loved him, and Tony loved him. They'd been married for almost a year, and here he was jumping at shadows. He worked on planning their anniversary, trying to make it perfect to alleviate his guilt. It didn't really work, and Bucky was starting to get concerned, coaxing him to bed more often than not. Bucky mostly felt like his life was crumbling in the foundation. Steve was still mad at him for saying Iron Man was a dick, and Natasha was too, for some reason. Tony was acting different, and as much as his anxiety tried to pin all the blame on his own behavior, it felt deeper than that. Bucky hadn't changed anything about how he acted, but all of a sudden Tony was distant and his mind was wandering-- and neither of them in way that Bucky had seen before. He did his best to just let Tony know that he was there for him and that he still loved him, but it didn't seem to be doing anything. It wasn't a big change mind, but they'd been living together for a year and a half-- he knew Tony. So he got Steve to get him a day off of Avenger activity no matter what happened, and he called Val to clear a day in Tony's schedule. The alarm by their bed went off, and Tony turned it off, swinging his legs off the bed and waiting for his body to boot up. Bucky wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him back on the bed, careful to watch his strength so Tony didn't get suspicious. He kissed his back, but when Tony spoke he only sounded tired. "I have a meeting this morning." Bucky tried not to let his disinterest discourage him. "No you don't. I called Val, got Sam to cover my shift, and said no way are we leaving the floor today." He sat up and hugged Tony to his chest, kissing softly along his neck. But Tony wasn't relaxing. He loosened his grip and leaned back a little to give him space. "Uh. Is somethin' wrong sweetheart?" "Just not in the mood." That was plausible, but it felt like a lie. Bucky sat beside him, and Tony moved his leg away when it touched him. He tried to be discreet about it, but Bucky noticed-- would have done even if he wasn't enhanced. He swallowed thickly, trying to tamp down on the hurt. A voice in the back of his mind started screaming that this was the end for them, but he shoved it back. Couples had bumps in the road sometimes, that's just how relationships worked. "What's goin' on with you recently?" he asked softly. "Did somethin’ happen?" Tony took a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes. He was about to answer when an explosion rattled the floor. "What the-" Suddenly, the wall blew in, and Bucky was tackling him to the floor. "Shit," Bucky bit out. He scrambled for his backpack sitting by the nightstand, getting his gun in hand just in time to see the approaching figures in black and shooting at them. How was he going to explain this? They got out of the open space and behind the wall, but before he could grab Tony and find somewhere to get them away, Tony was pulling on his arm, typing something into his phone rapid fire and opening a panel in their wall. It sealed shut, leaving them in the brightly lit elevator with all sound and destruction cut off. "This feels like a Mr. and Mrs. Smith moment," Tony said mildly, but his eyes were wide and his grip on his phone left his knuckles whitened. "Because we're in an elevator?" "And you have a gun. Why do you have a gun in your work bag?" "Tony, I can explain later but right now--" Tony raised his voice and talked over him. "I guess it's the same reason the skin on your left arm is shredded and there's metal underneath. Right?" There was only one person that had an arm like that, and the Winter Soldier wasn’t very fond of Tony. Bucky glanced down, and sure enough, the synthetic skin he used to cover his prosthetic was ripped in places. He'd been closer to the explosion so it made sense, but he hadn't even noticed. He was usually better about hiding this, but then again they usually weren't attacked in their fucking home. "Can we talk about it later?" he said quietly, peeling the synthetic skin off entirely. "There are kind of people trying to kill us right now." "I texted Fury, we should be fine. In the meantime I need to reboot Jarvis." "Is that where we're going?" "Yep." "I won't be any help there. If you let me off, I could-" "Nope." "What? Tony I should help." "Consider this your punishment," he said, and the doors opened to a circuit room he'd never seen before. "What?" he said again. "Punishment for what?" As soon as he said it, he realized the answer what the answer would be: lying. "Tony, I wasn’t allowed to tell you. None of us are." "The rest of them aren't married," Tony said, walking further into the room. He wasn’t actually mad at Bucky-- couldn’t be because it would be so fucking hypocritical. He was doing something, but fuck if Bucky knew what it was. He stood at the edges of the room to stay out of the way, shifting awkwardly. "You know that for sure?" "I know that two of them are married, and it's to each other so the secret identities schtick doesn't apply to them." Bucky frowned in confusion. "Iron Man's not married to another Avenger." "What?" Tony looked back, mirroring Bucky's expression. "But he told-" Bucky cut himself off before he could say 'Steve' or 'Cap'. "I'm so fuckin' confused." Tony's phone rang, and he put it on speakerphone and set it on top of one of the bases to continue what he was doing. "Hey Nicky, how's the view from out there?" "You'd have to ask Cap. Where's that husband of yours? He's unaccounted for." "He's with me," Tony said absently, his mind whirring as soon as Fury mentioned Captain America. "And where are you?" "Nice try Santa Claus." "At any rate, hostiles are clear, and you're free to go back and see if you recognize them." "Will do." He reached up and ended the call, face pale. He looked at Bucky, finally awake enough to realize everything it meant that Bucky was the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier fucking hated Iron Man, and he was Iron Man, therefore... Not to mention that the Winter Soldier was from the past, same as Captain America, and if that was Bucky, that meant Steve was Captain America. Steve liked Tony, Tony didn't like him, and that made Bucky hate him a couple times over. What a goddamn mess. He started laughing; this could only happen to him. Bucky walked over to him, concerned. "Tony? Are you okay?" He tried to talk past his laughter, and only managed, "If he's- then that means- and he got turned down so you hate-" before he broke down into hysterical giggles. He finally tapered off, wiping at his eyes. "Oh wow. If this wasn't so sad, this would be the funniest thing to ever happen to me." He messed around with a few more wires, and everything whirred to life. "Jarvis, buddy? You there?" "I appear to have taken a nap, sir. My apologies." He paused, running a quick diagnostic. "The issue has been found. It won't happen again, sir." "Just so long as you're alright, Jay. Did you know that I'm apparently married to the Winter Soldier?" "I did indeed, sir." "If you knew, then why didn't you tell him?" Bucky asked. "Privacy is one of his primary protocols, along with keeping me safe. And you, once you moved in." "So... he knows the identities of the other Avengers?" "I do, but sir has no need to know, so their identities have remained private." "Not that it would be hard to guess now that I know who you are," he muttered, giving a final pat to one of the towers. He pocketed his phone and went back to the elevator. "Jay, tell them we're headed up." "...Are you okay?" Tony gave him a strange look. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" He shrugged awkwardly. "Well with this and whatever else was botherin' you, I'm surprised you're not mad at me. It's a pretty big secret." "Yeah. Hypocritical though." "What do you mean?" "Captain America is Steve, right? And you hate Iron Man for turning him down?" Bucky's face darkened. "I know he's your bodyguard and you trust him an' all, but he's a bastard." "Cap tell you what he said?" He made a noise of disgust. "Said he's married. Who does that?" "We're married." "That's not the same, we love each other." "And you think Iron Man doesn't love his husband." "I think that if he loved him, he wouldn't've been flirtin' with Steve." "Huh." Tony chewed on his lip. "I don't suppose you would believe that he didn't know it was flirting?" "What? How could Iron Man not know?" "He's an idiot sometimes." "What are you talking about?" Tony looked at Bucky with an eyebrow raised. Then, he raised one hand and pointed at himself with the other. "I'm an idiot sometimes." "Tony..." "Do you really think I'd give my suit to someone else?" They reached the penthouse, but Jarvis kept the doors closed. "What the- what th' hell are you talking about Tony?" "I'm Iron Man," he said plainly. "And in my defense, Cap really was my best friend and nothing else. Yeah we flirted every once in a while, but I had no reason to believe he'd think it was serious. Also? I didn't think my husband was the Winter Soldier and fucking hated me. Like you said earlier, right? It 'had to be kept a secret'. And you know what?" he added when Bucky started to look angry. "I thought you were a firefighter, but you knew I was Tony Stark. You knew I was already involved with the Avengers, and you didn't tell me. So if anyone gets to be upset here? It's me." Not that he was, really, but it was the principle of the matter. Bucky's jaw was clenched tight, and he wasn't looking Tony. He shook his head in jerky movements, and he stepped forward to knock on the door with his metal hand. "Jarvis open up." He hesitated for the barest of moments before complying with Bucky's request (order, more like), but it probably wasn't long enough for anyone but Tony to notice. Jan turned to them with a smile, but it froze in place when she saw Bucky. Because she was a bonafide lady, she ignored his expression and the fact that his arm was out so Tony clearly knew about his identity. And since she knew Tony and everyone involved with the Avengers knew her identity, she was the one to talk to him right now-- comfort when his home was attacked, he guessed. "Hey Tony." "Hey Jan," he said tiredly. He glanced at Bucky, who had leaned against a wall and was now scowling at nothing. Now that Bucky and Cap were in the same room, it was pretty obvious that something was going on there. Knowing that it was Steve under the cowl, made it both better and worse. Better because Steve was Bucky's friend, and he was clearly concerned about him. Worse because this was Bucky's best friend who had told Tony as Iron Man that he loved him two weeks ago. "Do we know who it was?" he asked, looking around at the mess that was his penthouse. She grimaced, pulling her mask up and resituating her ponytail. "We put them through the system, and some of them are AIM." "But?" he prompted. "They don't really look like AIM, Tony." "What, no beekeeper outfits?" "Actual armor, fully outfitted." He frowned. "I know," she said, giving a helpless shrug. "We think they teamed up with someone." "Killian’s idea?" "Looks like it. The guy either loves you or hates you Tony. Either way, he's obsessed. I would guess that since his past attempts at getting your attention weren't working, he decided to switch it up." "He's not exactly nice at playing with others. If it's an alliance, it's not going to last." "Especially after this failed so miserably." She made a face and looked at the shattered glass and blasted down walls. "Sorry about your building." "It's only this right? No casualties or other damages?" "Correct," Cap jumped in to say. "The thing is Mister Stark, they've never been able to get this close to you before. I think you should consider moving back to the Mansion, at least temporarily." "It would be safer," Jan added. "Plus it'll be fun! Just like the old days." She moved beside Tony and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Cocktails, virgin of course, and talking clothes-- this lot is useless and has no taste-- ooo and painting our nails! Hank is atrocious at it. I love him dearly, but it looked like I'd stuck my fingertips in a can of paint." Tony laughed, and it sounded a little forced, but Jan just smiled encouragingly. "Yeah that'd be fun. I'm good with moving back for a bit. Bucky?" "What," he said flatly. Tony blinked. "Uh. Moving to the Mansion for a bit? Just while this place is being rebuilt." "Fine." "Great. I'll uh, grab some stuff." He started to walk forward, but Jan picked him up. "Jan!" "What?" she said innocently. "There's glass Tony, and you're only human." He glared at her, but she just hummed to herself and brought him into their room. "Have I told you lately that you're ridiculous?" "No, but maybe that's because you stopped being around when Iron Man left." A small part of that was that he wasn't there to be seem before and after suiting up, but most of it was avoiding Cap. He just... didn't know what to say to him. It was one of the only pros to not being Iron Man, and even that was gone now that he knew Steve was Captain fucking America. He couldn't avoid his husband's best friend, but then again maybe that wouldn't be a problem soon, if the way Bucky was shutting him out was any indication. He grabbed a duffle from the back of the closet and started throwing clothes in. He couldn't take any suits obviously, but Val would understand him having to cancel meetings-- and with his good behavior the last two weeks, she probably wouldn't even make a comment on how this attack was awfully convenient for getting him out of them. While he was at it, he pulled on some clothes for the day. He was about to ask Bucky if he wanted him to pack for him, but he and Cap/Steve looked to be having a whispered argument. An intense one that would probably have them shouting if they were alone. ~~~ Steve stood at his side, far enough away to keep appearances, and Bucky rolled his eyes. Now that Tony knew who he was, everyone in the penthouse was aware of everyone's identities. Except for the other Avengers knowing Iron Man was Tony; they didn't know that part, but what did it matter? Iron Man was retired. "Hey," Steve said in an undertone, "is everything okay?" He knew the attack was worrisome, but Tony looked to be fine. As far as he could tell, there was nothing to put Bucky in this foul of a mood. "Tony knows." "Shit." Steve glanced at Tony, who was in their room packing up some clothes, but he looked fine. "Is he mad?" "Nope. You know why?" Bucky looked straight into Steve's eyes, and it hit him that Bucky wasn't mad at Tony-- he was mad at Steve. "Cause he's Iron Man." Steve's stomach dropped, and he paled at a rate that would have been funny in a less serious situation. "What? He- there's no way." "Yeah cause I always joke about shit like this Rogers," he snarled. "Oh my god, Buck, I'm so sorry I swear I had no idea," Steve whispered back. "Had no idea that you want to fuck my husband? Yeah I'm so sure." He was glaring at Steve, hurt covered up by anger. "Well don't worry. In a month, we'll be divorced and you won't have to fuckin' worry anymore." "What? Divorce? Is he- Bucky is he dumping you?" "No," Bucky growled, jabbing a metal finger hard against Steve's chest (not that it mattered much through his armor), "but as soon as we have a minute alone, I'm tellin' him." "But why? You love him so much, it's not like you weren't keeping a secret of your own. I'm sure you can get past this if you try," Steve said desperately. Tony being Iron Man was god damn heartbreaking because he knew now that he really didn't stand a chance, but it was obvious how much they loved each other and separating over something like this would only stand to hurt them. "It's not about that," Bucky said, getting in Steve's face. "As soon as you told him that you fuckin' love him, he got distant. We haven't had sex since then, and this mornin' before the attack, I told him that we had the whole day together and he was tryin' to figure out how to leave. I convinced him t' talk, y'know? Right before they blew up the damn wall, and he was about to let me down easy. So don't try 'nd tell me that everything's just fine between us, cause it's not. He likes you, and I'm gonna be that stupid ex that you had to work past to get together." He clenched his jaw, looking for all the world like he wanted to haul off and punch Steve in the face. "I'm not gonna stick around to watch it happen. Neither of you need me, and the team sure as hell doesn't need the Winter Soldier." "What?" Steve whispered back harshly, starting to get angry himself. It was more reactionary than something he thought he should be feeling, but it was there all the same, bubbling in him like poison. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not going to get with your fucking husband, what the hell kind of person do you think I am? Don't go putting words in my mouth punk, you don't get to speak for me, and I'm not going to date your husband." "Yeah," Bucky scoffed, "call me up in five years and tell me how that worked out for you."

Nat cleared her throat loudly, coughing into her hand to get them to break it up. She gave a pointed look to Tony, who was watching them with worry etched into his face and his hands tight around a duffle.

Bucky swallowed thickly and took a step back, not looking at Steve or Tony. This was going to be so goddamn miserable. Five Years Later They finished yet another battle against a batch of Doombots. "This diplomatic immunity thing is bullshit," Bucky said, slowly stretching his arm to test how his shoulder was doing. "It should apply to honest mistakes and cultural differences, not tryin' to take over the fucking country." "I vote we kill Doom and save our future selves the trouble," Clint said. "No," Steve said firmly, even using his Captain America voice. "We aren't killing him, that would only start a war and get you thrown in jail." "Yeah Clint," Tony chimed in. "You gotta start thinking like a hero, now that you're one of us. Any time we kill someone, it is entirely by accident, and then we have to spend the next month doing all sorts of bullshit PR to remind the public we're saving their collective asses." "That's easy for you to say," he grumbled. "Is it?" "You're getting laid on a daily basis by two super soldiers, Stark. You're doing what I'm doing, only with lots of hot sex in the down time." "He doesn't have as much down time as you're thinkin'," Bucky said. "Mostly it's me and Stevie waitin' for him to pry himself away from his toys. Everyone's on the quinjet, right?" He waited until he got various confirmations, and a reminder from Tony that he was going to fly to the Tower so they didn't need to wait for him. Natasha hummed, crawling into the copilot's chair. "Exactly what kind of waiting are we talking about here, Bucky? Please, tell us in as much detail as possible." "Don't be afraid to embellish, if you need," Clint added, strapping himself into a seat even though it wasn't necessary for the short trip-- he had some quirks, that was fine, none of them asked unless it worried them because if it made him feel better, then why bother him? "Or combine stories, really. It's your story, Bucky, you need to make sure we're entertained." "Not a word, Buck," Steve warned. "Ooo is that things work?" Jan teased. Tony laughed, but Steve just sighed. "I thought we all agreed not to talk about our sex life with the team?" "I wasn't exactly level headed at the time I agreed," Tony said. "I think in a court of law, I would be freed from this contract. Bucky too." "He's right, Steve. It's not fair to be negotiatin' while you've got someone's dick in your hand." Steve thumped his head into the wall behind him. "I hate both of you." "Aw I love you too honey," Tony said, pitching his voice overly sweet. They traded banter back and forth for the short ride back to the Tower, and Tony slid out of the suit on the landing pad. Jarvis picked it off of him and brought it back down to the 'shop for a few touch-up's-- not upgrades, just redoing the paint, honestly; it chipped in almost every fight, either because something sharp was hitting him, or because he was being thrown into buildings or the pavement (giant squid monsters were not friendly, he had learned). Bucky and Tony whisked Steve away after the debriefing, which had fortunately been very short due to how routine the fight had been. "Do you wanna tell 'im?" Bucky asked Tony. Tony frowned. "I thought we were doing this together?" "Well of course we're doin' it together, but we can't just talk at th' same time and hope it works." Steve cleared his throat loud and pointedly, making both of them turn to him in surprise, like they'd forgotten he was there and could hear them. "Should I be worried?" "No," they both immediately. "It's good," Bucky insisted. "Probably long overdue, if we're being honest." It had been five years since the penthouse had been partially destroyed, and Bucky had tried to leave the Avengers, Steve, and Tony. It had taken a couple days for Tony to figure out what the fuck was going on and work on fixing it, and while it had ultimately been a long process, it was still only six months before they brought Steve into their relationship. Four and half years of dating and being in love, and they hadn't done this yet when it only took Tony and Bucky a year to get engaged. Tony was the one with the ring box now, so Bucky was probably right about Tony being the one to tell him. "O... kay?" Steve said, a confused frown on his face that put a little line between his eyebrows. Tony shared a glance with Bucky, gaining confidence when Bucky squeezed his hand. Steve wasn't going to say no, but it was still nerve wracking. "Well, the three of us have been together for a while now, and I know that you're already living with us and that's as properly official as it's going to get, but sometimes it still feels like it's not enough, you know?" Steve was nodding along, and Tony reached into his pocket for the ring box. "We just... we know this won't make it official. It's not legally binding or anything, and most people aren't going to think of it as real, but." Tony shoved the box into Steve's hand. He'd meant to place it in gently-- romantically, if you will-- but he was nervous, so sue him. "I know you feel like a third wheel still sometimes, Steve," Bucky said softly. "And I think part of that is because me and Tony are married to each other, and you aren't. And, yeah, this isn't a legal thing, it's just a symbol, but if we could marry you, we would, punk. Like Tony said, we shoulda done this a long time ago." Steve fumbled for a minute, throat working and fingers clenching around the little box that looked all the smaller in his large hands. Finally, he opened it, staring at the ring that matched Bucky and Tony's. He pulled it out and glanced surreptitiously at the inside to see just how similar it was. Sure enough, there his name was, engraved on the inside of the band next to Tony and Bucky's names, little hearts between them. When he glanced up at them, he saw them both smiling softly at him. Tony pulled on his own ring until it came off, and he held it up for Steve to see; they'd put his name on their rings too. "I never thought I'd get this," he admitted quietly. Bucky moved to Steve's side, putting an arm around his waist and pulling him close. "I'm sorry it couldn't be more official. And I'm sorry that we didn't do this sooner," he added, and both Steve and Tony knew he was referring to his insecurity about his place in their relationship. Steve shook his head, putting the ring on his left hand and flexing his hand around it. It felt strange, but the kind of strange that he was going to love getting used to. "I know it's- I know we're not having a ceremony but can we... take some pictures?" There were pictures of the three of them together all over of course, but Steve felt a little pang of sadness when he saw Tony and Bucky's wedding picture. He'd been at the actual wedding, but considering what had happened since then, it was hard for him to see it. "Yeah," Tony said. "I've still got the suits and everything." Steve smiled, the grin spreading slowly across his face until it was stretched from one end to the other. Ten years ago, the three of them were scattered with issues as tall as skyscrapers, and now they were married. He could definitely get used to this.

[thyrideneverends]

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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