#somebody needs to put that lizard grandma down

[daenysthedreamer101]

BAELA YOU BETTER BURN SOMEBODY NEXT EPISODE I SWEAR!!!!

[starryviolentine]

Camp Paya (A Pre-Apocalypse Story): Chapter 5/?

Part three of the “Pre-Apocalypse Adventures” Series

Chapter 1 (here)     Chapter 2 (here)     Chapter 3 (here)     Chapter 4 (here)

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that when Minerva claims not one, but two additional seats at their lunch table, it means that someone other than Minerva’s sister will be joining them as well. Being around too many strangers makes Violet uneasy, so the extra spot does make her a teensy bit nervous, but she puts on a brave face and tries to convince herself that everything’s going to be fine. It’s only one more person. And, surely, a group of four can’t possibly be any worse than a group of three, right?

Wrong.

The entire universe must have something against Violet specifically because, out of all the hundred-plus kids at camp this summer that Minerva’s sister could have become friends with, it turns out to be Brody. The sight of the auburn-haired girl bouncing over to their table comes as such an unexpected shock that it renders Violet frozen in her seat, unable to do anything other than gawk like a complete idiot. Brody, who looks just as surprised to see Violet, comes to a clumsy halt next to Minerva, mouth falling open ever so slightly. For a few seconds that last an eternity, the quarreling friends stare at each other in silence.

But then—and it happens so quickly that if Violet blinked, she would’ve missed it—Brody gives her the tiniest smile and a hesitant wave. Letting out the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, Violet starts to relax. Brody doesn’t seem to be mad anymore. Maybe something good will come from this lunch arrangement after all. Violet’s fingers subconsciously move to the blue lizard keychain near her pocket as the gears in her head start whirring. 

Hey, Brody, so I know you like arts and crafts and stuff, and, well, yesterday, Minerva showed me how me how to make these really cool little lizard things and I thought maybe you’d like them, too, so I made—

Another Minerva arrives at the table, dropping her heavy bag onto the bench and letting out a weary sigh. The loud thump breaks Violet from her thoughts and causes her to look up. “Thanks for saving us a spot. Joey knocked a whole stack of goopy paint palettes off the counter right as the bell rang and it took forever to clean up.” 

“Did you guys finish the banner?” Minerva asks.

“Almost! I think we’ll be done by tomorrow,” answers the other Minerva.

Wait, what? 

Violet does a double-take and looks back and forth between the red-headed doppelgangers, clearly having trouble processing all of this. Brody, picking up on her friend’s complete and utter confusion, covers her mouth with her hands to stifle her giggles. 

The Minerva to Violet’s right, who also seems to find her reaction highly amusing, gestures towards her clone with a shake of her thumb. “Violet, this is my sister, Sophie.”

Sophie. Not Minerva. Sister. Sophie... and Minerva… Sophie and Minerva. Sisters... Twin sisters. Feeling somewhat dazed, Violet blinks at Not Minerva across the table. “Sophie…?”

Giggling, Sophie nods and waves. But then, as though she’s just had some sort of huge revelation, she gasps and points. “Wait, Violet? You’re Violet? As in…” She turns to Brody, who fervently nods her head up and down. “Yeah, Brody’s told me about you!”

“Oh yeah! Here.” Unclipping one of the lizards from her shorts, Minerva slides it over to her sister. “That’ll be five bucks.”

Playfully rolling her eyes, Sophie takes the trinket and smiles. “Thanks.”

A window of opportunity has arrived and Violet knows that she needs to take it. If she presents her gift right now, after Minerva, it won’t seem so out of the blue... and it will be less embarrassing since she won’t be the only one. All she has to do is go for it. Violet’s heart starts to flutter in her chest, but she’s not chickening out or anything. She just... needs a minute to prepare. 

“Oh, Minnie, that’s so cute!” Brody gushes, as expected. But Violet hadn’t been expecting what happens next. Standing up right where she is, Brody proudly shows off a lanyard keychain—one made out of glittery magenta and indigo plastic lacing woven in a checkerboard pattern—attached to the zipper of her fanny pack. “Look what Sophie made me yesterday!”

The tiny sliver of confidence Violet had in her own keychain drops to the very pit of her stomach and shatters into a million jagged shards. She’s too late. There’s no way she can give hers to Brody now without it seeming like a stupid, copycat afterthought. 

“I really wanna learn how to make those beaded ones, though,” Brody says, once again looking at Sophie’s red lizard longingly. 

“I can teach you. It’s really easy,” offers Minerva, wearing a self-assured smile. “I taught Violet how to make one this morning. Show them the one you made, Violet!”

Even though the only thing Violet wants to do right now is disappear, everyone turns to look at her expectantly. Minerva and Sophie, and Brody, with her stupid blue eyes the same stupid shade of blue as the beads on her stupid lizard. It’s all so stupid. The fact that Violet thought that maybe Brody had been just as bored and miserable as she was yesterday, or that maybe Brody missed her is now, in retrospect, laughable and just sad. No. Apparently, Brody had been doing arts and crafts with her new friend, merry as can be.

Then it hits her. Violet realizes that her best friend is going to be just fine at camp, with or without her. Brody doesn’t need her to have fun. Not like Violet needs Brody. And that’s the stupidest part of all. A raw, volatile mixture of rage and self-loathing overcomes Violet. Breath growing ragged, she grips her lizard keychain in her fist, yanking so hard that the string snaps and all the hard work she put into making is wasted in an instant. Blue beads clatter to the floor as everything starts to come undone. 

Everything.

The pressure from the three pairs of eyes on her weighs so heavily on Violet that she feels as though she’s suffocating. And there’s only one way to escape. 

Violet runs. 

With blurry vision and a heaving chest, Violet eventually finds herself bursting through the doors of Cabin Four, pacing the floors for a moment before letting out a strangled scream. Out of the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the vanity mirror and she storms over, glaring icily at the girl staring back at her. Stupid. Ripping the offending purple cap from her head, Violet flings it across the room and takes a good look at herself. Messy hair. Strands in her face. Blotchy skin around her eyes. Nose so red she could give Rudolph a run for his money. Violet resists the urge to smash something hard into the glass. 

Windswept blonde locks partially obscure her vision and she angrily swats them away, but the unkempt strands keep falling back into her line of sight, sending Violet into an irrational fit of rage. As the girl huffs and claws at her hair, desperately trying to get it out of the way, as though to spite her, her fingers repeatedly get caught in the tangles and it pinches her scalp. The same sensation as when she’s in a rush to get ready in the morning and brushes her hair a bit too roughly, yanking the bristles through the knots in order to get out the door as quickly as possible.

Of course, somebody always chastises her and tells her that she has to be more gentle. That her hair is so pretty and long and perfect for a ballerina bun, and if she brushes it too hard, she might get split ends. The joke’s on Brody, though, because Violet already has split ends. And guess what? She doesn’t give a damn! 

Something shiny and metal inside the nearby pencil cup catches Violet’s eyes and, before she knows it, she grabs in her right hand, holding a fistful of hair in the other. This will show Brody! Maybe next time she’ll stop and think before giving any more unsolicited advice. The scissors are duller than Violet expected, so it takes a bit of effort for her to hack all the way through, but the sheer satisfaction she feels after that final snip! is like nothing she’s ever felt before. Violet can hardly believe how liberating this feels. It’s incredible! It’s—

Immediately dropping the scissors, Violet stumbles a few steps away from the mirror as the reality of what she’s done slowly sinks in. Carefully unclenching her fist to inspect the damage, Violet watches in horror as several blonde strands float to the floor. The sight of the sad, lifeless bundle of hair in her palm makes her feel queasy. Her heart lodges itself deep in her throat and she panics, eyes darting from her hand to the pathetic girl in the mirror. Nearly half a foot of hair is missing from one side of her head, and it’s nothing at all like the time she got a wad of bubblegum stuck in her hair and her grandmother had to cut it out for her. Violet was seven, and she was terrified that she was going to end up with an enormous bald spot and that everyone at school would make fun of her. But Grandma had been really careful with the scissors, and in the end it wasn’t noticeable at all.   

But this time, it’s extremely noticeable. 

She’s ugly. Ruined.

Breathing as jagged and uneven as her new haircut, Violet attempts to flee the cabin, hoping to disappear into the woods, perhaps to never return again. Just when she figures that she’s already hit rock bottom and things couldn’t possibly get any worse, Violet slams into somebody in the doorway. Ouch. She really needs to stop doing that. 

“What in the ever-living fuck, V?” 

Of course it would be Therissa. Of course. The one person besides Brody that Violet had been hoping wouldn’t see her like this. 

The teenager gives an annoyed grunt, about to go off into a rant about Violet not watching where she’s going, but she quickly picks up on the fact that something isn’t right. Her roomie looks like she’s gone on a round trip to hell and back and it’s only noon. And where did that hay come from? Violet doesn’t seem like the type to willingly hang out by the stables, but— 

“Wait, is that hair?” More confused than ever, Therissa tries to piece everything together. Yeah, it’s definitely hair. Human hair. Making the connection, the teen looks up and immediately notices Violet’s new haircut. Oh, shit. Not wanting the situation to escalate, Therissa suppresses her shock and the billion questions that follow and tries to be as calm as possible. “Huh, I didn’t know that ‘beauty salon’ was on the list of camp activities this year.” As she steps a bit closer to Violet, Therissa makes sure to keep herself right in the middle of the doorway, turning her body into a barricade to keep the younger girl from running away. This is a delicate situation, and Therissa knows that she needs to handle it with caution. Once completely inside the cabin, she quietly pulls the door closed behind them. “I do like the direction you were going. Very bold. But it doesn’t look finished, know what I mean?” 

Violet keeps quiet and won’t meet Therissa’s eyes, but at least she doesn’t look like she’s actively looking for an alternate escape route. Holding her breath, the older girl takes a chance and gently reaches out to touch her roommate’s hair on the freshly cut side. Thankfully, Violet lets her. Combing her fingers through it a couple of times, Therissa gives a low hum. “I think I might be able to help you straighten things out a bit, if that’s cool with you?”

Walking further inside the cabin, Therissa comes across the scene of the crime. On the floor near the vanity are an old pair of scissors and even more of Violet’s hair. The older girl sits Violet in the wooden chair in front of the mirror and momentarily leaves to grab her hairbrush, picking up the scissors on the way back. After spending a minute detangling Violet’s hair and brushing it out for her, Therissa looks in the mirror with her roommate. “You do understand I’m gonna have to cut it, like, here, right?” 

Violet looks at the hand that Therissa’s using to mark exactly how many inches of hair she’s about to chop off and nods in defeat. She lets out a shaky sigh and speaks for the first time since the mess hall. “Just… don’t make it shorter than you have to. Please.”

Therissa giving her a thumbs-up in the mirror reflection is the last thing Violet sees before she squeezes her eyes shut. There’s no way she’s watching this. She doesn’t want to see anything until it’s all over. 

Probably not even then.

[chroma-asks]

Out-of-Context Chroma System Quotes

(Good luck guessing who said what if you don’t already actively know)

-Motherfuckin’ Spaghetti-O rectum

-Candied baboon ass

-You wouldn’t happen to have a blow torch, would you? (Followed by) The fuck do I look like, an inventor?

-Would you care for some hot grapes…?

-Pls don’t snu-snu the puppet

-Carbonara bananas

-A meme cowboy who says “Yeetthot”

-What if we had an alter named Bacon

-Skyward Sword isn’t bad, it’s just that the boy’s nose is stupid

-Weiss needs more buttcheeks to fill in for her many assholes

-You ever sit and think that battering rams were probably actually designed to look like dicks but history books didn’t like that?

-Fuck me vibrating spider

-It has a daddy kink and hit on Cthulhu, I’m gonna call it what I want

-I put the romance in ‘necromance’

-Go eat Donald Trump’s toenail clippings

-If you say ‘hachacha’ one more time I’m ripping off your dumb nose to put ice cream into

-Hail the Irish, bitch.

-Yes, please don’t ruffle my onesie, it’s Gucci.

-Stop eating all the orange flavored candies you pathetic weenie

-That’s like eating a burrito on Taco Tuesdays

-How are you doing that you have no pupils

-So If Orion walks around without a shirt, he’s completely naked

-You know your house has thin walls when you can hear grandma farting in the bathroom

-So the plural for tooth is teeth like foot with feet. So why isn’t the plural for boot…. beet?

-Gwen puts the “tit” in “competition”

-(in reference to the crusades)Ye Olde Mosh Pit

-Considering Damon’s been harkin’ Harold’s balls all week, I’d assume the latter

-We’re going on the road to El Dorito

-61 vagànias

-What’s this, the Cryptid Lottery?

-That’s it, I’m calling CPS…….Clown Protective Services

-They are seriously playing Blurred Lines in this old people dance club

-Make your ballet shoes 99.9% better by installing syringes filled with chemo in the back

-Black holes are like the Cotton Eye Joe of space. Where do they come from and where do they go

-Wouldn’t it suck if hurricanes and tornadoes were 96% gas?

-Imagine if Vague’s name was pronounced “vagoo”

-PAKA YOU CANNOT NICKNAME JELOSE “JELLO HENTAI” I SWEAR TO GOD

-Anything is mayonnaise when you put your mind to it

-Hhhhhh smells like gonorrhea

-So wait if YOU’RE me, and I’M me, then who’s piloting the flesh jaeger???

-It’s Meat Time™️

-I dance like a freshly peeled lizard

-If I punch a blunt out of someone’s mouth does that make me a weed-whacker?

-“If we get mistaken for an anime enough do you think somebody out there might write an Mpreg fanfic about Damon” “Dear god I hope not”

-I am become symbiote

-If Naraku can also spin webs can he knit a sweater too????

-REPTILES ARE ASLEEP DO ALL THE THINGS NOW

-Beans beans the good for your heart, the more you eat the more you…… love your girlfriend

-Silence you lesser potato

-So I know beefcake is supposed to refer to really muscly dudes but what is it actually like is it a cake made entirely out of beef or is it a cake shaped like a beef

-My love for cheese is canon

-TASTEY MAN

-That really peels my grapes

-Mom said it’s my turn on the flesh jaeger

-Fish-slapping has an entirely new meaning when it’s Damon and Mero going on a date

-Hello would you like to purchase some salmonella

-You must add the phlegm

-Please don’t put your dick in the Christmas water

-The fuck is a ceviche

-By process of elimination…. you are a bitch.

-You are the Mac to my cheese

-It’s the cloaca.

-SOMEBODY HELP TORY’S BEEN HIT WITH SEXY BITCH DISEASE

-Hey just poppin’ in to let you know the Bethesda thing is happening again, k thanks I love u

-Because stabby stabby blood freezy

-sumfin smlel liek toileeeeeeet

-do you want the beesing phuckchurger or not

-I vote we get a pole cause I wanna be the Lord of the Dance 2, Stripper Edition

-don’t forget to water your Satan

-funky funky chunky chunky, monkey butter pet a bee, beep beep sheep sheep, I’m a baby don’t bite me

-No you absolutely canNOT name my theme “Icy London Icy France”

-What is a serial killer but a humble door-to-door death salesman?

-“Deep-fried for your pleasure” “Only the finest of dildas for our resident slut~”

-Take me down to the paradise city where the cows are green and the grass has tiddy

-“An all nutter” you mean a bukkake

-They gonna make us eat at home like some dirty commoner???

-What was that one Disney movie? Humpback of Notre Dame?

-There is no Iceland, only California 2, Electric Boogaloo

-What if the Earth wasn’t actually rotating, it’s all just water currents pushing the continents at a steady pace

-“Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s gasoline”“what the fuck”

-What am I, a BDSM version of a Tickle Me Elmo?

-Fanmade STDs

-Naraku, or as I like to call him; Prime Minister of Sluttington

-Take my gratitude and shove it up your ass

-The inside doctor listens to your insides, the outside doctor listens to your outsides because he forgot to use anesthetics

-Like and subscribe to die instantly

-Have you accepted Beefus as your lord and savior

-Go eat one(1) entire lettuce you fuck.

-up the shut slut

-Where there’s a will, there’s a gay

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN POODLES AREN’T A TYPE OF SHEEPDOG?? THEY’RE THE SHEEPIEST LOOKING MOTHERFUCKERS OF THE DOG WORLD

-I don't know if I wanna do the smashing or the mowing. Either way, your ass is grass

-Treat him gently, he’s just a meatball

-I refuse to believe I know big words

[gecko-sims]

Simself Tag

Hey! So I’m almost finished with the semester, so to celevrate, I’m doing this thing! :D I’m just gonna say @berrysweetboutique tagged me because I’m a doof and nobody actually tagged me lol

i tag: You if you haven’t done it! Yes you, I’m talking to you.

traits: Creative, Clumsy, Hotheaded

You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish there, traits, anything about you.  After the keep reading thingy are +100 questions I found that you can answer if you want, but you don’t have to.

𝙌𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨:

What is your full name? Kristyn Jo is my legal name

What is your nickname? Jojo, Krispen, Loony. I prefer to be called Nova :)

Birthday? june 28th

What is your favorite book series? I’m a huge Harry Potter fan. I also have a book of short stories about ghosts I take literally everywhere.

Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Both actually. Thought I don’t know if aliens have been here.

Who is your favorite author? I really like Brandon Mull!

What is your favorite radio station? Does the Welcome to Nightvale podcast count?

What is your favorite flavor of anything? Either apple of pumpkin. fall ftw

What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Ballin

What is your current favorite song? my all time favorite is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, but lately I’m really into Venom by Eminem 

What is your favorite word? preposterous 

What was the last song you listened to? Dirty Car by Studio Killers

What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Lucifer

What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? The Princess Bride

Do you play video games? I do a lot, but a limited selection

What is your biggest fear? ceasing to exist

What is your best quality, in your opinion? my ability to be enthusiastic about anything

What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My crippling insecurity

Do you like cats or dogs better? Both. Just both. Also. Lizards

What is your favorite season? FALL BBY

Are you in a relationship? HAHAHAHAHA. no. Unless you count @ponderingpigeonsims (she’s ma wife)

What is something you miss from your childhood? The ability to make a fool of yourself without getting weird all looks.

Who is your best friend? Sarah, my tall blonde friendship soulmate who basically just adopted me into her family.

What is your eye color? goldish brown

What is your hair color? brown (or any color that strikes my fancy)

Who is someone you love?  I love like 20000 family, but my grandmother might be the best person to ever person.

Who is someone you trust? my roommate

Who is someone you think about a lot? My brother

Are you currently excited about/for something? I’m always excited for Christmas

What is your biggest obsession? Top 10 creepiest countdowns

What was your favorite TV show as a child? lots and lots of things, but I adored Teen Titans

Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? I’m non-binary so...?

Are you superstitious? yes tbh

Do you have any unusual phobias? The thing under my bed grabbin my ankles

Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I like both

What is your favorite hobby? looking for cryptids

What was the last book you read? Frankenstein by Mary Shelley 

What was the last movie you watched? To all the boys I’ve loved before

What musical instruments do you play, if any? i’m untalented

What is your favorite animal? Geckos :3

What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? - There’s a lot! but I check @ratboysims @ridgeport @gunthermunch @tainoodles and @berrysweetboutique like daily

What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis 

When and where do you feel most at peace?  Sarah’s house

What makes you smile?��cats

What sports do you play, if any?  hahahahahahaha

What is your favorite drink? MONSTERSSSSSS

When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I wrote one for my grandmother last week. 

Are you afraid of heights? a little

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people talk as if I can’t hear them

Have you ever been to a concert? No :(

Are you vegan/vegetarian? nope

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an actress rofl

What fictional world would you like to live in? put me in that My Hero Academia world plz

What is something you worry about? Losing people

Are you scared of the dark? yes :(

Do you like to sing? I do!

Have you ever skipped school? yes. Sometimes I just ca’t get up you know?

What is your favorite place on the planet? My Grandma’s backyard

Where would you like to live? Ireland

Do you have any pets? I have a old dog named Frisky, and a leopard Gecko named Wilson

Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl like really bad lol

Do you like Sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

Do you know how to drive? no

Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones 2000%

Have you ever had braces? nope

What is your favorite genre of music? I like pretty much freaking everything. Really like rock and heavy metal though.

Who is your hero? uhm

Do you read comic books? does manga count at all?

What makes you the most angry? needlessly hateful people

Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real book

What is your favorite subject in school? besides studio classes, Reading 

Do you have any siblings? I have an older brother

What was the last thing you bought? paint for my roommate

How tall are you? 5′2

Can you cook? yuppers

What are three things that you love? scary movies, fluffy dogs, telling bad puns

What are three things that you hate? ignorance, people with no consideration, vegetables

Do you have more female friends or more male friends? i have a good mix

What is your sexual orientation? am a bi buddy

Where do you currently live? USA. send help

Who was the last person you texted? my friend

When was the last time you cried? two days ago watching a Shane Dawson video <_< I cry a lot

Who is your favorite YouTuber? Phillip Defranco

Do you like to take selfies? yes

What is your favorite app? i still play pokemon go

What is your relationship with your parent(s) like?��no comment

What is your favorite foreign accent? Irish

What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Japan

What is your favorite number? 13

Can you juggle? no

Are you religious? nope

Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? hecc yes

Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? very mildly

Are you allergic to anything? nope

Can you curl your tongue? no

Can you wiggle your ears? no

How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? every ten minutes

Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest

What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Be proud enough not to ask for help when you don’t need it. Humble enough to ask for it when you do.

Are you a good liar? yes

What is your Hogwarts House? Gryffindor!!!!

Do you talk to yourself? i do, it’s good conversation

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? extrovert, until im not

Do you keep a journal/diary? tried to, but im not consistent enough

Do you believe in second chances? depends

If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? try to find who dropped it

Do you believe that people are capable of change? occasionally

Are you ticklish? no <_< I swear

Have you ever been on a plane? yes

Do you have any piercings? just me ears

What fictional character do you wish was real? all of them. like all of them

Do you have any tattoos? not yet, but i really want one

What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? to stop caring about what people think of me so much

Do you believe in karma? hell yeah

Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses

Do you want children? Kind of? Maybe? Possibly in like ten years

Who is the smartest person you know? I know of lot of smart asses

What is your most embarrassing memory? I have a lot and I think about them constantly. Weird things happen to me in bathrooms.

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes. all the damn time

What color are most of you clothes? black bby

Do you like adventures? yessir

Have you ever been on TV? yeah

How old are you? 22

What is your favorite quote? shit happens

Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? sweet

[howtohero]

Your Friend Has Come Back to Life

Or have they... Your friend -maybe they were a superhero, maybe they weren’t it doesn’t really matter- has died. (We’re very sorry for your loss.) You eulogized them (beautiful speech by the way, very moving) buried them (mmm I like the way you work that shovel), mourned them (again, very sorry for your loss. And for that shovel comment) and eventually you found peace. You found solace in the fact that they were in a better place. You’ve moved on until you too felt that you were in a better place, emotionally speaking. And then this joker strolls right back into the realm of the living like nothing even happened.

Yeah frikkin right.

There’s no way this poser is really your dead and buried friend. Right? It couldn’t be. They died. And sure, it’s notoriously difficult to keep a good hero down but that’s not something that really happens is it? That’s just a rumor. People fake their deaths sure, but actual resurrection? Come on. That’s poppycock. (Such poppycock, except for the fact that happens all the time.) Sure to other people. But this is clearly some type of ruse. Part of some insidious scheme to learn my secrets. (”My”?) Sorry, right your secrets. It’s part of an insidious scheme to learn your secrets, dear reader. 

The best way to put an end to this scheme is to expose this imposter for what they really are... an imposter! (Gasp!) When somebody shows up pretending to be your dead friend you should immediately kidnap them and seal them away somewhere isolated. This way the cretin can’t use your dead friend’s memory to manipulate all of their friends and loved ones. Ideally you do it before they can present themselves to your late friend’s family. Once that happens you’re in trouble. This overjoyed and grateful family, who now believe that a miracle has occurred, is not just going to let you kidnap and imprison they’re resurrected family member. Unless their family is weak and you can like fight them. Then it’s not really a problem.

How! To! Fight! An! Entire! Family! And! Kidnap! Their! Allegedly Resurrected! Loved! One! (Oh yeah, we’re doing this.)

Let grandma know what happens when she harbors an alien shapeshifter/clone/charlatan. Sometimes you gotta beat up an entire family in order to save them from a supervillain masquerading as their dead relative. For the greater good. Don’t sweat the little things (they’re called children) they’re not going to pose a threat to you. Size up this family, who are the strong ones, who are the ones that are going to stand in the background and hurl piercing insults at you, who are the ones that honestly could not care less that this person came back to life? Once you’ve quickly categorized all of these relatives, you can fight them in the following order: 

The elderly: They may seem frail and docile, and most of them are but science(?) shows that one in every four grandfathers has a pocket knife and knows how to use it. So on the off chance that this grandpa is armed or that this granny puts the “MMA” in gramma, you want them taken off the board as soon as superhumanly possible. And hey, if they aren’t armed they’ll be very easy to fight and you could use that kind of confident boost to propel you further in this quest.

Any mothers: Everybody knows that mothers get temporary bursts of superpowers when their offspring are in danger. Sure, technically, this isn’t their son that you’re kidnapping. It’s most likely some kind of bug alien in a skin suit. But mom doesn’t know that, and I don’t know enough about how those superpowers work to say whether or not it matters (But hey, if Mother’s Day for some reason falls on a Tuesday or Thursday this year, expect that to be what we talk about.) 

The physically fit: If there is anybody there who looks strong you should fight them next. 

The, contrary to all appearances, surprisingly fit: Watch out for these scrappy underdogs. They might look unfit, but secretly, they are very fit. Or at least, someone taught them how to punch a kidnapper in the throat. I’d wear a throat guard on this op. 

Everybody else: The actually unfit, the cousin who’s into falconry, “Aunt” Marybeth who isn’t technically related but she’s been friends with mom since college and refuses to leave the house! These folks honestly might not be super invested in this thing, but you’d be wise to fight them anyway. Just in case.

Once you’ve handled the family, you can run off into the night with the poser who is claiming to be your best friend back from the dead. Now you need to interrogate them so you can determine what kind of imposter they are.

How! To! Interrogate! A Slimeball! Who! Is! Pretending! To! Be! Your! Pal! Who! Tragically! Died! (This is happening so get on board.)

There are many different kinds of imposters out there who would just love to fake a relationship with a superhero and have no moral qualms about stealing a dead person’s identity. (Kind of like how you have no moral qualms about beating up an entire family.) Are they just a lowlife shapeshifter who failed to do any basic research? Are they some kind of grifter who did some research but not enough because they can’t even remember that the two of you spent the night before their fifteenth birthday stargazing and mapping new constellations to make each other laugh!!!! Are they a hyper advanced android that actually can answer all of your questions flawlessly and doesn’t appear to be robotic in the slightest but THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT AN IMPOSTER!!!!! So get your questions ready. Ask them about things only your real best friend would no. Try to get as hyper specific as possible. It’s probably wise to throw in a few questions that your best friend wouldn’t know the answer to, just to be safe. Make sure to heavily imply that torture is on the table so that they confess to their lies and their crimes faster. 

Even if this punk is skillfully answering all of your questions, except for the one’s they can’t answer, which they are honest about. Even If they’re even offering up information about your friend that you didn’t even ask about. You can’t lose sight of what’s really going on here. This person is some kind of conman (or, probably, a conlizard, sent by the lizard mafia to kill you because of all of those outstanding loans) and you can’t be swayed by their cons! However, if you do find your resolve wavering, perhaps out of some foolish desire to believe that your best friend truly has returned from the dead, stay the course. Remember what’s at stake here. My (your) your secrets! Don’t worry, there are other ways of confirming that your friend really is dead.

How! To! Rob! Your! Dead! Best! Friend’s! Grave! (Yeah, we went there.)

The best way to determine whether or not your friend is really dead is to dig up their body and parade it around town. (Make sure to specifically parade it in front of their family so they forgive you beating them all up.) To start you’ll need to get a shovel. (Oh baby.) You’re giving off a weird energy today bud. (I could say the same to you.) Fair enough! Now, back to exhuming your friend’s corpse. The trick with digging up a body is, like all things, to just dig until you find what you’re looking for. Easy peasy. It’s like taking candy from a baby. If the candy was the dead body of your friend. And the baby was dirt. 

If you dig and dig and dig only to find that the grave is empty. Or to find that the coffin is empty except for a note saying “Yo, how crazy? I came back to life! So rad so rad.” Well, then you wasted a lot of time digging for no reason. (I thoroughly enjoyed it though.) Hahaha you need to stop. (What can I say man, I dig a person who knows their way around a shovel.) All righty. Don’t get disheartened though, there could be any number of explanations for your dead friend’s empty grave. It does not necessarily mean that they came back to life. Perhaps some crook stole the body to sell the body parts on the blackmarket. This is especially likely if they were a superhuman. Superhuman body parts go for maaaad cash on the black market...

How! To! Make! Tons! Of! Money! Selling! Dead! Superhuman! Body! Parts! On! The Black Market!

No no. Just kidding. Just kidding. An empty grave could also mean that this fakester was very thorough, and hid the real body so that they could more easily slip into their identity without any questions. But you know better than that. You will not be easily so easily fooled. Which means you need to do the unthinkable. You need to turn to science to prove, once and for all, that this person claiming to be your friend come back to life is nothing but a no good liar.

How! To! Use! Science! To! Prove! Once and for all! That! This! Person! Claiming! To! Be! Your! Friend! Come! Back! To! Life! Is! Nothing! But! A! No! Good! Liar! (Oh, things are serious now.)

Bust out your lab coats and microscopes. We’re about to spit some science. Set up a makeshift laboratory in your basement or hideout or an actual science lab. Then, use that science, to prove things scientifically. (We have a mad scientist on staff you know, want me to call-) Dr. Brainwave! Yes! Great call! Get that rascal in here. I love that guy. (Uh, yeah. Sure thing.) <You called?> Yeah! How would you, a supervillainous mad scientist, prove, using your ungodly science, that someone who claimed to be your best friend back from the dead is nothing but a no good liar. <Oh, great question! Well first obviously you should kidnap and interrogate them.> We did all that, come on, skip to the science. <Ok ok. In order to prove that this person is or isn’t who they say they are you’re going to need a DNA sample. Now, technically all you’d really need is a hair or some spit or blood. But I always say better safe than sorry. The bigger the sample the more likely it is that we’ll get conclusive results, so just chop off an entire arm or leg. To be safe.> To be safe sure, sounds good to me. <Then you toss that leg into a DNA Confirmerjiggeryfloot and you should get the results almost instantaneously. Then when it turns out that this person pretending to be your best friend is a brilliant liar, you can kill him I guess.> Thanks Doc! Brilliant advice from our supervillain corespondent! 

Now, on the off off off off chance that the DNA test comes back with results other than the ones you were hoping for and it turns out that, against all odds, this guy actually is your best friend. And they have come back from the dead. And you did kick the snot out of their entire extended family for literally no reason. Then it may be time for you to come clean with them. And have a candid conversation about the regrettable thing that happened after they, apparently temporarily, passed away.

How! To! Gently! Explain! To! Your! Recently! Resurrected! Best! Friend! That! You! Completely Accidentally I Might Add! Overwrote! Their! Fully! Completed! File! Of! Super! Duper! Fighty! Punchy! Boys! IV! (That’s Right Folks, This Just Got Real)

Yes, it’s true. After they died, you got their video game collection. It turns out they were really good at video games. They unlocked everything and beat every level and every boss in this apparently very hard to beat video game. They won some medal for it or something. You don’t know. You’re not super into video games. How were you supposed to know how big of a deal it was. So yeah, I guess you accidentally erased their saved filed and replaced it with your own. And sure, you’re not nearly as good as they were. You haven’t beaten any levels. You’re bad a video games. Probably you shouldn’t have tried their most prized video game first, but you were trying to connect to them after their passing. Is that so bad??? Is that such a crime??? Sure, maybe they didn’t technically leave their prized video games to you. But if stealing a person’s prized possessions from a grieving family is a crime, then I guess you’re just a criminal. Whoops! So now that they’re actually alive you have to explain to them that you basically erased their greatest achievement and most prized possession in one fell swoop. Because you are bad at things. Gosh this is going to be such an awkward conversation. And to think, if he had just stayed dead, you wouldn’t have to have it. [You can’t kill them.] Well, you’ve been awfully quiet this whole time. [I actually quit halfway through this post, but Brainwave called me and said you’d been acting really weird so I came back.] Glad to have you! I wasn’t even going to advocate killing them. You see, if either of you are dead, you can avoid this conversation. So....

How! To! Fake! Your! Death! To! Avoid! An! Awkward! Conversation! With! Your! Apparently! Actually! Resurrected! For! Real! Friend! (Go read our other posts!)

[thedoctorishereguys]

Rules: I was supposed to tag 25 people. I’m not doing that. I hate tagging people. Do it if you want to. It passes time.

I grabbed the open tag from someone or another. IDK. It’s on my dash quite a bit today. Hello, whoever I grabbed it from!

LAST: LAST THING I BOUGHT: Coffee. LAST STORE I VISITED: CVS, but I work there. Uh. Fuck, I haven’t gone to any store in like months other than my work. Uh. Gas station, I guess, for my smokes? LAST TEXT MESSAGE: “I can come in for work now if you can pick me up. TY.” LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Everyone says don’t, sung by Raul Esparza. LAST THING I ATE: Shit, when did I even eat last? Fuck. Um. Yeah, this would be easier to answer if I ate more than like once a day. I think steak? Maybe? Idk, really. HAVE YOU EVER: DATED SOMEONE TWICE: Nope BEEN CHEATED ON: I don’t think so? But I wouldn’t put it past the bastard I was with, really. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: … Honestly, y’know, that’s complicated. I regret the relationship I was in, but I don’t regret having been sexual in general with that person? So… yes and no? Idk. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: Yes. My great-grandmas have been gone 12-13 years now and I still have trouble talking about their deaths. BEEN DEPRESSED: I have bipolar disorder, depressed is one of my main emotions. BEEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: Way too many times to count. IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU: MADE A NEW FRIEND: Yes FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: No. But I haven’t fallen in love either. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: Yes MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: Yes. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS WERE: Yes. In all the good ways, found that people I didn’t realize were close really were. I ended up in a psych ward due to a complete mental breakdown, and I realized I had an entire support network that I never thought to ask for help from before. Just everyone in my life really rallied around me. One of my friends, who generally hates driving distances, drove almost an hour to the hospital to see me, sometimes more than once a week (I was there for almost a month). That same friend also hugged me when he left, even though he is the least touchy-feely guy in existence. One of my work friends got really worried about me when I stopped coming to work, but he still didn’t pressure me to talk about it, just asked me what he can do to help, but told me that he doesn’t need to know what happened, only what I’m willing to share. I did tell him everything, because he is a good friend, but he was so good to me. People I hadn’t talked to in ages, because I was isolating severely beforehand, came and visited, or called, and it was just so touching. Even now, a couple months later, people will ask me how I’m doing, and my best friend (the one who drove couple times a week to visit) makes sure to call me several times a week just to check in, just so I don’t end up in that situation again. After the first psych ward visit (I had two this summer), I attempted suicide, and I called that best friend in a panic that I needed to get to the hospital, but I didn’t want my parents to know what I had done, so I didn’t want to call 911, and he came and got me right away, and he stayed at the hospital for almost 2 hours, until they took me back into the psych ward. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: Yes, a coworker, but she does that to everyone, although I think I’m her special project. I don’t much care. GENERAL: HOW MANY PEOPLE ON TUMBLR DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?: Uh… no one, I guess, but I still defend I know enough about one to count it, so there. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: No and thank god. I’m not an animal person. I used to have lizards, but they died on me. I like lizards. I wanted snakes, but my mom (with whom I still live) said absolutely fucking not. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME?: Nah, I like mine. Wish people would pronounce it right, but that’s a different matter. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?: 6 fucking a.m. Which was only because I was due in at work at 7, otherwise, I am not conscious before 1pm, and often sleep until 3. WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT?: Hm. Work until 8pm, which was hell, and then fucking around on the computer until like 1a.m. Which may explain why I feel like death today. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: Getting to drive again? Coffee with a girl next week? Seeing my best friend again? HAVE YOU EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED TOM?: … Honestly, I’m sure I have, but none come to mind. Must not have made a huge impression on me. WHAT’S GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RN?: Not much. I’m too tired to give any fucks about anything. Uh. The existence of 7 a.m. I’m pretty sure the devil invented mornings as a punishment for our sins. BLOOD TYPE: A positive. I used to be a blood donor, so I’ve known my blood type for years (I am no longer a blood donor, because the last time I donated, I got so sick my doctor was tempted to transfuse my blood back in.) NICKNAME: I don’t have one. And that’s fine with me. There are no ways to shorten my name, it’s only two syllables, and I don’t particularly care for pet names. Dear and sweetheart and honey are just… ugh. The only one I like is ‘babe’, and obviously, that’s not one I’ll let many people call me (I do have a coworker who calls me that, but she’s awesome, so she can) RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single. ZODIAC SIGN: Which one’s the zodiac? Is that the one with the animals, like the rat and the horse and ram, or is that the one with the astrology crap, like Cancer and Aries and Taurus? Either way, I’m a horse and a Sagittarius. And it makes no fucking difference. The year you were born in has zero effect on your personality, and the gravitational pull of the planets even less so. Actually, people have done the math, and the gynecologist present exerts as much gravitational pull on you (because all objects exert gravitational pull, not just planets and stars) as some of the planets on the horoscope, so if you really want to blame someone for your failings, why not the doctor who birthed you? The whole thing is an utter load of nonsense, really, bullshit fucking pseudo-science idiots keep falling for because they need something to believe in, because the stark reality that there is nothing guiding their lives and everything is random is too bleak. (This bleeds into my problems with religion, too, by the way, but I have a measure more respect for that, because at least it instills some level of ethics, which astrology utterly fails to do. But only a measure more.) PRONOUNS: She/Her FAVORITE TV SHOW: Doctor Who, Doctor Who, Doctor Who. All the goddamn way, do not take away my Doctor Who. Every other show can go off the air before you take away my precious Doctor Who. COLLEGE: I went to a state school. HAIR COLOR: Black with purple. LONG OR SHORT: My hair? Or other random body parts? I don’t have a penis, otherwise I’d totally make a dick joke here. My hair is as short as I can get it. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY: Totally! And she said yes to a date, so score! And then there are fictional characters and celebs, and I really need to be better at tagging my posts so @hawkland doesn’t slap me one of these days. FIRSTS: FIRST SURGERY: Breast reduction, 2009. FIRST PIERCING: Ears, 2014. FIRST BEST FRIEND: … First? You honestly expect me to remember that far back? Fucking hell. FIRST SPORT YOU JOINED: Basketball? Soccer? Idk, it was one of those two. FIRST VACATION: That I can remember or that I went on? Because the first that I know of was Slovakia. The first I can remember was… Huh. Hungary, I guess? FIRST PAIR OF SNEAKERS: Who the fuck remembers their sneakers? I couldn’t tell you what sneakers I own right fucking now.   EATING: What are you asking me? First time I ate? First thing I ate? I’m guessing so, since this is under firsts… Well, is breastmilk a food or a liquid? Let’s go with food. So first food was around 10 minutes old and it was breastmilk. WTF is wrong with you? Who else would say anything substantially different? Sure, maybe they had formula instead, but no one is going to say, “Oh, I first ate at 25, and it was a fine steak dinner.” If they do, they’re an alien. DRINKING: Listen, seriously, what the hell? I’M ABOUT TO: Idk. Take a nap, maybe? LISTENING TO: Nothing, I feel no compulsion to surround myself with noise at all hours of the day and night. WANT KIDS: Fuck no. Not ever. GET MARRIED: Sure, if I find someone I like and who can, at least, tolerate me. CAREER: Ideally. WHICH IS BETTER: LIPS OR EYES: For what? Lips are good for kissing and sucking and integral in speaking, which help with things like “I love you,” eyes are good for looking and part of communication. Really. How do you pick? HUGS OR KISSES: Hm. Toughie. Idk. SHORTER OR TALLER: I like my men taller and my women my height. As I’m mainly interested in women… OLDER OR YOUNGER: My age. ROMANTIC OR SPONTANEOUS?: Uh. I’m not a fan of spontaneous, really, I don’t like shit sprung on me. But I’m too awkward to pull romantic off, I usually stick my foot in my mouth about a minute in. Planned out, at least. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: Yeah, these two really aren’t mutually exclusive. Sensitive doesn’t mean you’re not a screamer 😉

HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: Depends what you’re looking for? I mean, I know sometimes I just want sex, and that’s fine, that’s totally OK. And sometimes I want a relationship. It depends what you want. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Yeah, hesitant isn’t usually in my wheelhouse. Depends on the situation really. But I’m not a troublemaker, per se. HAVE YOU EVER: KISSED A STRANGER: No. Not really? DRANK HARD LIQUOR: Yeah. A lot of it. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and vodka was my drink of choice. LOST GLASSES/CONTACTS: Nope. If they’re not on my face, they’re on my nightstand. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: I’m open to it. I don’t see anything wrong with being sexual, as long as both parties are clear on what they want. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: I’m honestly not sure. BEEN ARRESTED: No TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: Yes FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: Yes DO YOU BELIEVE: IN YOURSELF: Some of the time. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: Yeah, no. You can feel lust, attraction, whatever, at first sight. But love? The most you can love at first sight is the idea you have built up in your head of that person. You don’t know that person at all when you first meet them, how can you love them? HEAVEN: Yeah, see my rant above about religion. I’m an atheist. No heaven. SANTA CLAUS: … I did not just get asked this. Yes. Of course I believe in Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And the fucking Tooth Fairy, which was always the most imbecilic of the lot, and really just there to see how much we can stretch childhood innocence. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny at least have some kind of sense for a child, but now we’re trying to convince them there’s a goddamn fairy who’d rather have a tooth than money? Who the fuck came up with this? Are we just outright saying children are fucking dumb little shits who’ll believe any fool thing we tell them? Because, yeah, of course most of them do, their parents, who they trust unconditionally, are telling them these things, and telling them about the Tooth Fairy – and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, by the way – is an exploitation of that trust, and of childhood innocence. We do it because it’s cute that little kids fervently believe in a magical man who brings presents, instead of the truth, which is that their parents love them, and that because they love them, this one day, they are given gifts, out of that love, and on a holiday that had become about familial love. How is that not a better story? Why does some magical shit need to get involved? And the contortions people put themselves through to keep Santa alive for their children, it’s absurd! (Also, don’t tell me Christmas is not about familial love, because it absolutely is – yes, it’s a religious holiday too, but I think Jesus would approve of it being about love, given his beliefs).

Ugh. Santa Claus. Fucking hell.

[networkingdefinition]

Mom Quotes

Official Website: Mom Quotes

  • A small gold plain cross was passed down from my grandma to my mom, then to me, and now to my daughter. It is always nice to own something that connects you to the women who made it possible for you to exist. – Liya Kebede • Agent Mom is a perfect opportunity for me to do what I love… develop characters, act and take incredible stories to my fans. So yes, I can absolutely see myself cast as Agent Mom. – Alaina Huffman • Although the frankfurter originated in Frankfurt, Germany, we have long since made it our own, a twin pillar of democracy along with Mom’s apple pie. In fact, now that Mom’s apple pie comes frozen and baked by somebody who isn’t Mom, the hot dog stands alone. What it symbolizes remains pure, even if what it contains does not. – William Zinsser • America isn’t Congress. America isn’t Washington. America is the striving immigrant who starts a business, or the mom who works two low-wage jobs to give her kid a better life. America is the union leader and the CEO who put aside their differences to make the economy stronger. – Barack Obama • And last, my mom. I don’t think you know what you did. You had my brother when you were 18 years old. Three years later, I came out. The odds were stacked against us. Single parent with two boys by the time you were 21 years old. Everybody told us we weren’t supposed to be here. We went from apartment to apartment by ourselves. One of the best memories I had was when we moved into our first apartment, no bed, no furniture and we just sat in the living room and just hugged each other. We thought we made it. – Kevin Durant • At one point in my 20s, I was about to quit acting. I’d had a crappy couple of years and I was depressed. My mom said, ‘Don’t give up! You’ll be so mad at yourself.’ – Janel Moloney

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Mom', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_mom').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_mom img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy. – Tina Fey • But my friends are happy for me. The people who know me are happy. My mom is happy. My family is happy. – Tom Cruise

• Christmas was always a big holiday in our family. Every Christmas Eve before wed go to bed, my mom and dad would read to us two or three stories and they would always be The Happy Prince, The Gift of the Magi and Twas the Night Before Christmas, and I would like to keep that alive. – Cameron Mathison • Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom. – Tim Allen

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling] • Every year, my family and I would go visit my moms family in Texas. We would drive from Chicago to Texas, and once we started to get towards San Antonio, everyone looked like me! It was such a great feeling. Everyone had the same brown skin that I did. – Marisol Nichols • Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. – P. J. O’Rourke • Having children is a huge responsibility, and I just don’t want to hand them off to a nanny or my mom to take care of them. – Thalia • I always wanted to be a young mom, but generations of women have worked so hard so we can have a career and wait to have children. So I say carpe diem – take advantage of that. – Brittany Murphy • I appreciate your giving my book — and in no small way, me — a chance. To thank you, I really wanted to acknowledge all of you in the book. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough room for each name. So I’ve put in a code name that stands for all of you reading this book. The name is ‘Mom.’ It will be our little secret. So when you see ‘Mom’ in the acknowledgments, you’ll know I’m really talking about you. And don’t let my mother try to tell you otherwise. – Ellen DeGeneres • I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. – Bill Watterson • I became an actress because my mom wanted me to become an actress. It took me until my mid-30s to realize I actually didn’t. I actually wanted to write and direct and be more involved in politics and humanitarian issues. – Angelina Jolie • I didn’t have an imaginary childhood friend, but I did one day imagine somehow tiny green men, and they were only tiny and green because my brother had a ton of toy soldier toys that came on a skateboard plank type of thing, and I just envisioned in this car driving to church with my mom, they were there. – Jim Parsons • I do a little sign on the court every time i make a shot or a good pass and i pound my chest and point to the sky – it symbolizes that i have a heart for God. It’s something that my mom and I came up with in college and I do it every time I step on the floor as a reminder of who i’m playing for. – Stephen Curry • I do doubles on Monday and Thursday, take Wednesday off or do easy cardio, do doubles on Thursday and Friday, and the weekend I just get outside and get active – jog or bike ride, or play tennis with my mom. – Mikaela Shiffrin • I don’t like sex … I’m a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don’t go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I’d get to my bed and there’d be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me. – Paula Poundstone • I don’t remember the first poem that I wrote because I’ve been creating poems since I was around 2 or 3. I don’t have any memory of that but my mom has written evidence of it. I’ve always liked playing with words so when I was younger it had a lot more to do with rhyme and sounds. – Sarah Kay • I don’t, as my mom would say, sweat the small stuff in our relationship. Because when I think of day-to-day irritations that you might have with the one you love, they’re nothing compared to the bigger task at hand. – Michelle Obama • I felt bad about myself because certain people were relentlessly attacking me and my reputation. My mom kept saying ‘Let it go, Lauren, It doesn’t matter’ … [I] realized I had to stop worrying about what other people think. The next day I got a tattoo on my lower back that says ‘sticks and stones’, because they may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. – Lauren Conrad • I got a call from my mom today, she says, ‘Well, David, I see you didn’t get the ‘Tonight Show’ again.’ – David Letterman • I got a lot of grief from my teammates about that. It might backfire on my mom. Hopefully, my brother will have another chance somewhere down the road. – Scott Niedermayer • I have a son who’s been raised Jewish because his mom is Jewish. I have a whole different set of holidays to celebrate. Everybody is thrown together with their family in such an intense way, opening all of that stuff again. You’re cooped up with everybody and forced to exist with them, and you’re forced to try to relate to them in this way that’s more open. I guess that just doesn’t work for a lot of people. – Paul Giamatti • I have a ton of cousins on my moms side of the family, and we would put on shows together all the time and put on costumes, and we even charged our parents money. – Maulik Pancholy • I have always stressed to my girls that outer beauty fades but inner beauty lasts forever. Simple things like smiling and looking people in the eye could change someone’s bad day into a good one. My mom always said that beauty is as beauty does, and I’m sure it will pass along to all the future generations of our family. – Tina Knowles • I have an incredible role model in my mom. She was a single mother raising two kids in New York. – Kim Raver • I have no regrets. I had an amazing surrogate who carried my son for me. I am so grateful to her. I can even say I am grateful for having cancer. I was always meant to be a mom, but if I didnt have cancer, I never would have had Zev. I would have had a kid, but not Zev, and I want Zev – tantrums and all. – Marissa Jaret Winokur • I hope telling the story of how I went from being a single mom to serving in the Texas State Senate to running for governor will remind others that with the right leadership in government, where you start has nothing to do with how far you go. – Wendy Davis • I know how to do anything, I’m a mom. – Roseanne Barr • I like to think there are a lot of balls in the air, and the kids are not one that I choose to drop. They have been a priority and I have a career that allows for a little more flexibility at times and hours that are quite mom-friendly. – Elisabeth Hasselbeck • I lived in South Africa until I was 11 when we first immigrated. My mom had sent me back there when I was 14 for summer vacation. I wasn’t doing very well in school, my grades were slipping. I called my mom one day and told her that I wasn’t coming back. I ended up staying there until I was 17 before coming back to North America. – Kandyse McClure • I lost my mother two years ago to cancer. But the greatest gift she gave to me was showing me how to be a wonderful and loving mom to my two sons, even now that they are grown men. – Carla Hall • I love being a single mom. But it’s definitely different when you’re dating. – Brooke Burns • I love doing TV. It’s so great for my world as a mom, as someone who likes to have a steady job and go to work feeling secure because I’m with a family. – Ming-Na Wen • I love my body as it is. People in the industry have been telling me to lose weight for years but I like the way I look. I give credit to my mom for helping me feel good about my appearance – for making sure I never felt embarrassed about my body, because she was never worried about looking too big. – Christina Hendricks • I notice that if there are some times I’ve been stressed, because I’m human and stress about things, that affects your kids. So you have to make sure you’re a happy mom so they can be happy. – Britney Spears • I obviously love to sing, it’s my passion, as is being a mom. Those are the two things that pretty much consume my every day and so I want to keep doing that as long as I can. – Martina McBride • I only do private room karaoke where its just me and one of my closest girlfriends. My mom always said I could really belt songs out, and the Dixie Chicks feed that encouragement. – Chelsea Peretti • I painted my toenails before Dennis Rodman. One time at training camp, I stubbed my toe and the nail came loose. My mom gave me some toenail hardener, and I painted over it. I scored 40-something points that night, so it became a ritual. Paint my toenails, score 40 points. – Shaquille O’Neal • I started acting when I was five years old. I found it randomly, through listening to my brother study monologues. I auditorally started memorizing them for no reason, and started repeating them to anyone who would listen to me. And then, I begged my mom to let me do whatever that meant because I couldn’t put into words exactly what that meant. It just meant me happy. And then, when I was 11 years old, I realized what I was doing and I looked to my mom and said, “Can I make this something I can do for the rest of my life?” She was like, “Yeah, sure, if you want to.” And I was like, “Okay, great! I think I might want to do this forever.” – Chloe Grace Moretz • I started acting when I was, like, three. My brother was really smart, and he wasnt being challenged enough, so my mom put him in the theater class. And I obviously followed him. – Nolan Gould • I suppose all moms have an idea who they hope their daughters will be. Like a connect-the-dots picture where you think you know what shape it will become. But then it’s the daughter who draws the lines, and she might connect the dots you didn’t intend, making a whole different picture. So I’ve gotta trust the dots she’s given me, and she’s gotta trust me to draw the picture myself. – Laura Lee • I think maybe my mom thought that Katharine Hepburn would be a good role model of, like, a strong, smart, independent woman. Maybe she steered me in that direction. You know, because she was really so ahead of her time. – Gillian Jacobs • I think the metaphysical world is something Lisa and I have always been interested in. We were encouraged from a very young age to believe in magic. Our mom used to take us to fairy parties. As we got older, I was always very drawn to manifesting my own destiny…learning how to do spells and personal ritual. – Jessica Origliasso • I thought my mom’s whole purpose was to be my mom. That’s how she made me feel. – Natasha Gregson Wagner • I told Grant Hill back there – I just got done playing against him – as a second grader I had a Pistons Grant Hill jersey. That was the first time I walked into a gym. That’s when I fell in love with the game. My mom, I think she just wanted to get me and my brothers out of the house for a few hours. When I walked into the gym, I fell in love with the game. – Kevin Durant • I used to be embarrassed by my mom, but now I know what she is-she’s a hero. – Carrie Jones • I used to have a blankie, and when my mom had to wash it, I would sit outside the dryer and watch it go round and round, and cry. – Drew Barrymore • I want to be playing music, and I want to be a great mom, and I want to do everything. – Emily Robison • I was always at peace because of the way my mom treated me. – Martina Hingis • I was raised in a spirit of the importance of service to your fellow man. My mom is a senator back home in South Africa. My father is a very caring and generous individual. – Adhir Kalyan • I was taught very well. My mom raised me very well, and so did my dad. I’ve been very blessed to have great parents that cared about me. – Justin Bieber • I wish I had read Sacred Pregnancy when I was pregnant instead of the dozen books I had to piece together to try to make sense of it all. Anni Daulter has created what should be the new standard for today’s mom: birth journals, labor workbooks, pregnancy memoirs, and holistic wisdom. It is gentle and enlightening, and lays the foundation for what we know helps women have the labor and birth they want and deserve: support, self-knowledge, and empowerment. – Mayim Bialik • I wonder if I love the communal act of eating so much because throughout my childhood, with four older brothers and a mom who worked in the restaurant business, I spent a lot of time fending for myself, eating alone – and recognizing how eating together made all the difference. – Thomas Keller • If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. – Robert Breault • I’m a huge breast cancer awareness advocate because my mom went through breast cancer recently. It really brought our family closer. – Brenda Song • I’m a long way from being evicted [at the age of 14], but I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget the feeling. I’ll never forget my mom crying and I’ll never forget the thought I had: ‘Well the only thing I can do is just go build my body,’ because the men who were successful that I knew of – Stallone, Arnold, Bruce Willis – they were men of action. – Dwayne Johnson • I’m a mom. I’m from Ethiopia. I gave birth in the U.S. and had all the proper care available to me. If I had given birth in Ethiopia – I don’t know if I might have even survived it. – Liya Kebede • I’m a real stay-at-home mom. I’m really hands-on. Everything else became secondary. – Drew Barrymore • I’m a working mom, not a professional athlete, but I am a runner and that’s a special club. – Alison Sweeney • Im married to a white man, and then my daughter came out looking like the whitest white child with blonde hair and blue eyes. And Im like, Omigosh, now what am I going to do? She has my moms features and is lighter than my husband. And my boy is browner than I am. Brown eyes and really tan. – Karyn Parsons • I’m somebody who doesn’t work with a stylist. I’ll be honest with you, I’m a mom and it’s just not something I want to put money toward because it’s expensive to have somebody who helps dress you and I feel like I have to pay for preschool and so many things so I don’t have a stylist. – Busy Philipps • It doesn’t matter how old you are, or what you do in your life, you never stop needing your mom. – Kate Winslet • It needs to be said that sometimes my mom forgets important details when she talks. Like the time she told us she was considering leather (couches, it turns out), or when I was little and she said, “Here’s a napkin to put your balls in” (the Atomic Fireballs that I was eating, she meant). – Bill Konigsberg • It’s about prioritizing. Just take it one step at a time. Do the best that you can. I’m a mom and I have two husbands – an ex husband and a next husband. It’s a blended family and it’s very hard to keep things together, but we’re happy and we live in love. Djimon and I are so happy. – Kimora Lee Simmons • It’s always been my mom and I against the world. – Brittany Murphy • It’s fun to play mom. Last I knew I was playing a 17-year-old who graduated. – Selma Blair • I’ve got three kids. I worry about them but the gospel freed me and freed my wife. We are not trying to make our kids think that we’re super spiritual or we’ve got it all together. They see mom and dad being real people. What they hear dad talking about at home is not different from what they see from dad [at church]. That won’t guarantee that they’ll avoid the whole PK, MK thing. But we are hopefully not contributing to what normally produces that crisis, which is pretending. – Tullian Tchividjian • Like many other moms out there, I try to buy safe products for my family, but that can’t be the only solution. You can’t hire a team of scientists to do your shopping for you. At some point the government has to step in and ensure that chemicals are safe before our children are exposed to them. – Jessica Alba • Maybe we ought to look at a guy’s response to our microwave from now on.” Aunt Annie said. Really.” Mom said. “The narcissist looks at his reflection in it. The OCD guy thinks you don’t keep it clean enough.The antisocial–” Puts his fist through it because it reminds him of his father.” Annie said. She’d read all of mom’s books, too. And the paranoid one would be jealous of the amount of time you spend cooking.” Mom said Were you using that microwave again? Is something going on between the two of you? I caught you looking right at its clock.” Annie said. – Deb Caletti • Mom takes all the credit for my success. Now Mom says, ‘I read your face when you were a baby, and it said you were going to be a star. That’s why I named you Ming – because it’s all about the sun and the stars and enlightenment.’ – Ming-Na Wen • My dad had limitations. That’s what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm. – Gillian Flynn • My dad is funny in his own way, and so is my brother, but in terms of legitimately making a lot of people laugh, that’s my mom. I inherit my sense of comedy from her. – Mindy Kaling • My family and my friends-they keep me grounded. Especially my mom, because she would kick my ass if I was to change. – Lil Wayne • My first language is both English and Spanish. My mom was raised in Los Angeles, so with her we spoke English, but my father was born in Cuba, so with him we spoke Spanish. – Jencarlos Canela • My life isn’t interesting! It’s my mom. You need to write her life and put me in it. I’m a cameo in her life. – Carl Lewis • My mom always said fighting with me as a kid was like going to court. I’m trying to realize that being right is not the most important thing. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom and my stepdad are both therapists. – Jennifer Westfeldt • My mom dressed me in silk to go to elementary school. – Allegra Versace • My mom had the breakdown for the family, and I went into therapy for all of us. – Carrie Fisher • My mom has always been a huge inspiration. She was a single mom raising two kids in New York. Now that is full-on all the time. – Kim Raver • My mom has obviously had a powerful influence on my life and her voice can describe certain things that I couldn’t see in myself. – Common • My mom is American, so I was raised in her household in my formative years. But as I got older, my pops tried to keep me involved with the culture by telling me the stories of the conflict between Ethiopia and Eritrea, how he came to America, and about our family back home, because all that side of my family, my aunties, grandparents, is in Africa. – Nipsey Hussle • My mom is my heart. She was a rock for me even though she was not around as much as dad. – Sunidhi Chauhan • My mom is one of those people that you feel honored to meet. And no matter who you are, you fall in love with her because she is spiritual, she’s inspiring, she’s strong, she’s funny, she’s creative, she’s talented… she’s everything that I want to be. – Beyonce Knowles • My mom is really skinny, too. I got it from her. Ive never done yoga before. – Bregje Heinen • My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it’s delicious. – Bobby Moynihan • My mom pushed me to take drama class. – Michael Steger • My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it’s just not going to work. – Jane Wagner • My mom was always a fan of just really elegant, sophisticated pieces. I mean we grew up in Maine, so we didn’t have a lot of call for black tie or anything, but I think I definitely got that sensibility from her. – Anna Kendrick • My mom was always like, “If you love it, do it. If she’s actually having fun, and I know that my kid is having fun, she’s gonna do whatever she wants. Whether that’s gymnastics, learning the car, acting or just being a normal kid, she’s gonna do what makes her happy.” That’s how I’ve always lived my life. – Chloe Grace Moretz • My mom was an environmental activist in Australia in the late ’60s and ’70s and I guess I’ve inherited that awareness from her. – Robin McLeavy • My mom wouldn’t know Tom Cruise if he punched her in the face. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom wouldn’t let me buy clothes she didn’t like, so I dressed like a middle-aged woman in high school. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom, she’s like Why can’t you just do a nice romantic comedy like Jennifer Love Hewitt? And I’m like: Mom, look at me. They just don’t put me in those movies. – Norman Reedus • My mother was a single mom, and most of the women I know are strong. – Regina King • My nana was an actress, my mom was an actress, and my sister, too. So because I was surrounded by it, it really came naturally. – Chris Pine • My parents were pretty open about a lot of things, especially my mom. And any kind of little crazy thing I was into, she was very supportive of. You know, whether it was BMX bike racing or being in the Boy Scouts or surfing or anything else, she always seemed to sort of support it. And I think it’s because she was an immigrant and that idea of sort of having her kids be able to have access to their dreams and whatever they wanted to follow was very important to her. – Terry Gross • My parents were very young when they had me. They were still growing up and learning themselves. They did the best they could, but my mom and dad split up when I was little… So that kind of made me stronger. – Justin Bieber • Never eat in a place called ‘Mom’s’. – Nelson Algren • No mom has it all together. We’re all dealing with loose ends when it comes to motherhood and our children. Some of us are just better at keeping up appearances, that’s all. – Julie Ann Barnhill • On a strained relationship between a tennis champion and her mother: There comes a time when it’s probably not cool for your mom to be your best friend. – Lindsay Davenport • On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show: Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage. – Moms Mabley • One thing my mom didn’t want any of us to do was to cry or to complain about life. Every day and night, even when we didn’t have much food, we would pray together. And that for me was a beautiful moment. The fact of being poor didn’t really hurt me. – Riccardo Tisci • Parents may be always working, parents may be in and out. When you’re dropping them off with coaches, the first thing kids should be coming back and saying is, ‘Mom, guess what I learned today? Guess what coach taught me today?’ – Ray Lewis • Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It’s disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there’s something visceral about opening a letter – I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting. – Steve Carell • So long, Mom I’m off to drop the bomb So don’t wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV – Tom Lehrer • So why you pushin’ it? Why you lyin’ for? I know where you live, I know your folks, you was a sucka as a kid. Your persona’s drama that you acquired in high school in actin’ class, Your whole aura is plexiglass. What’s-her-face told me you shot this kid last week in the park; That’s a lie, you was in church with your moms. – O.C. • Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Listen to your moms and dads. In this great country of ours you do whatever you set your mind to. Make us proud of you. – Mickey Mantle • The most dangerous action a woman can take when faced with a criminal is to resist with her fists: That tends to annoy violent criminals, and the woman will very likely be seriously injured. But a woman who takes the advice of Handgun Control Inc. and passively submits is 2.5 times more likely to be injured than a woman who resists with a gun. So if you don’t want to lie back and enjoy it, get a gun. Otherwise you may never become a mom. – Ann Coulter • The most inspiring piece of advice I’ve gotten is simply to persevere. My mom taught me to always keep going no matter what from an early age. When it feels too difficult to push forward, I always remind myself, ‘This too shall pass,’ and then I redouble my efforts. – Liya Kebede • There appears to be a disturbing trend in this nation to try to force single moms to choose between their children and their careers. If they take their careers seriously, they are labeled as bad mothers. If they spend time with their children, they are labeled as people who can’t be serious about careers outside the home. This is a sexist double standard. No such guilt trip is imposed on men, who are generally not forced to choose between their children and their jobs. – Gloria Allred • There was a nobility in poverty when I was growing up. My mom was poor but she was planting roses and she was cleaning the steps, you know what I mean. You didn’t feel sorry for yourself. – Ricky Gervais • There were definitely bands and musicians I liked that drove my mother insane. I probably liked them all the more for it! Bjork drove my mom nuts. What I listened to was actually pretty mom-friendly for the most part. I wasn’t very rebellious. – Gillian Jacobs • Treat a woman how you’d want someone to treat your mom. – Mario Lopez • When I have children that go home and mom and dad are not home because they’re working, they’re trying to get food on the table, and they come home to an empty house and they go to sleep in an empty house, there is no way that child can compete against a child from the west side of Los Angeles who both parents went to Stanford. Well, good for them, God love them. That’s not an equal playing field. – Rafe Esquith • When I was 11, I moved to the United States with my two brothers and my mom. We moved to northern New York, up near the Canadian border, from Argentina, and there was nobody there that spoke Spanish, and because there was no internet at the time, not even cable TV yet, I lost the connection with my childhood friends and the culture I had been brought up with for my first decade completely. – Viggo Mortensen • When I was a kid I didn’t feel like I fit in because – this is really silly and I probably shouldn’t say it, but, I didn’t think anything was funny. So I used to go home and literally cry to my mom and my step-dad at the time and I didn’t think anything was funny. I couldn’t laugh. – Courteney Cox • When my husband won the Palme d’Or in 2002, I wore the same dress two days in a row. My daughter said, ‘Mom! Did you sleep in your dress?’ But I think it’s cool to wear the same thing. I have to feel comfortable. – Emmanuelle Seigner • When my wife and I met, I couldn’t talk to her – and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said ‘Hi’ – and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, ‘I think I just met my wife.’ – Mike Vogel • When you can impress your mom by saying you’ve been to someone’s concert, you know you’re pretty lame. – Gillian Jacobs • You didn’t want to bring home anything but an A or a B. To my mom, a C was like an F. – Calvin Johnson

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[equitiesstocks]

Mom Quotes

Official Website: Mom Quotes

  • A small gold plain cross was passed down from my grandma to my mom, then to me, and now to my daughter. It is always nice to own something that connects you to the women who made it possible for you to exist. – Liya Kebede • Agent Mom is a perfect opportunity for me to do what I love… develop characters, act and take incredible stories to my fans. So yes, I can absolutely see myself cast as Agent Mom. – Alaina Huffman • Although the frankfurter originated in Frankfurt, Germany, we have long since made it our own, a twin pillar of democracy along with Mom’s apple pie. In fact, now that Mom’s apple pie comes frozen and baked by somebody who isn’t Mom, the hot dog stands alone. What it symbolizes remains pure, even if what it contains does not. – William Zinsser • America isn’t Congress. America isn’t Washington. America is the striving immigrant who starts a business, or the mom who works two low-wage jobs to give her kid a better life. America is the union leader and the CEO who put aside their differences to make the economy stronger. – Barack Obama • And last, my mom. I don’t think you know what you did. You had my brother when you were 18 years old. Three years later, I came out. The odds were stacked against us. Single parent with two boys by the time you were 21 years old. Everybody told us we weren’t supposed to be here. We went from apartment to apartment by ourselves. One of the best memories I had was when we moved into our first apartment, no bed, no furniture and we just sat in the living room and just hugged each other. We thought we made it. – Kevin Durant • At one point in my 20s, I was about to quit acting. I’d had a crappy couple of years and I was depressed. My mom said, ‘Don’t give up! You’ll be so mad at yourself.’ – Janel Moloney

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Mom', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_mom').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_mom img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy. – Tina Fey • But my friends are happy for me. The people who know me are happy. My mom is happy. My family is happy. – Tom Cruise

• Christmas was always a big holiday in our family. Every Christmas Eve before wed go to bed, my mom and dad would read to us two or three stories and they would always be The Happy Prince, The Gift of the Magi and Twas the Night Before Christmas, and I would like to keep that alive. – Cameron Mathison • Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom. – Tim Allen

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling] • Every year, my family and I would go visit my moms family in Texas. We would drive from Chicago to Texas, and once we started to get towards San Antonio, everyone looked like me! It was such a great feeling. Everyone had the same brown skin that I did. – Marisol Nichols • Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. – P. J. O’Rourke • Having children is a huge responsibility, and I just don’t want to hand them off to a nanny or my mom to take care of them. – Thalia • I always wanted to be a young mom, but generations of women have worked so hard so we can have a career and wait to have children. So I say carpe diem – take advantage of that. – Brittany Murphy • I appreciate your giving my book — and in no small way, me — a chance. To thank you, I really wanted to acknowledge all of you in the book. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough room for each name. So I’ve put in a code name that stands for all of you reading this book. The name is ‘Mom.’ It will be our little secret. So when you see ‘Mom’ in the acknowledgments, you’ll know I’m really talking about you. And don’t let my mother try to tell you otherwise. – Ellen DeGeneres • I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. – Bill Watterson • I became an actress because my mom wanted me to become an actress. It took me until my mid-30s to realize I actually didn’t. I actually wanted to write and direct and be more involved in politics and humanitarian issues. – Angelina Jolie • I didn’t have an imaginary childhood friend, but I did one day imagine somehow tiny green men, and they were only tiny and green because my brother had a ton of toy soldier toys that came on a skateboard plank type of thing, and I just envisioned in this car driving to church with my mom, they were there. – Jim Parsons • I do a little sign on the court every time i make a shot or a good pass and i pound my chest and point to the sky – it symbolizes that i have a heart for God. It’s something that my mom and I came up with in college and I do it every time I step on the floor as a reminder of who i’m playing for. – Stephen Curry • I do doubles on Monday and Thursday, take Wednesday off or do easy cardio, do doubles on Thursday and Friday, and the weekend I just get outside and get active – jog or bike ride, or play tennis with my mom. – Mikaela Shiffrin • I don’t like sex … I’m a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don’t go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I’d get to my bed and there’d be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me. – Paula Poundstone • I don’t remember the first poem that I wrote because I’ve been creating poems since I was around 2 or 3. I don’t have any memory of that but my mom has written evidence of it. I’ve always liked playing with words so when I was younger it had a lot more to do with rhyme and sounds. – Sarah Kay • I don’t, as my mom would say, sweat the small stuff in our relationship. Because when I think of day-to-day irritations that you might have with the one you love, they’re nothing compared to the bigger task at hand. – Michelle Obama • I felt bad about myself because certain people were relentlessly attacking me and my reputation. My mom kept saying ‘Let it go, Lauren, It doesn’t matter’ … [I] realized I had to stop worrying about what other people think. The next day I got a tattoo on my lower back that says ‘sticks and stones’, because they may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. – Lauren Conrad • I got a call from my mom today, she says, ‘Well, David, I see you didn’t get the ‘Tonight Show’ again.’ – David Letterman • I got a lot of grief from my teammates about that. It might backfire on my mom. Hopefully, my brother will have another chance somewhere down the road. – Scott Niedermayer • I have a son who’s been raised Jewish because his mom is Jewish. I have a whole different set of holidays to celebrate. Everybody is thrown together with their family in such an intense way, opening all of that stuff again. You’re cooped up with everybody and forced to exist with them, and you’re forced to try to relate to them in this way that’s more open. I guess that just doesn’t work for a lot of people. – Paul Giamatti • I have a ton of cousins on my moms side of the family, and we would put on shows together all the time and put on costumes, and we even charged our parents money. – Maulik Pancholy • I have always stressed to my girls that outer beauty fades but inner beauty lasts forever. Simple things like smiling and looking people in the eye could change someone’s bad day into a good one. My mom always said that beauty is as beauty does, and I’m sure it will pass along to all the future generations of our family. – Tina Knowles • I have an incredible role model in my mom. She was a single mother raising two kids in New York. – Kim Raver • I have no regrets. I had an amazing surrogate who carried my son for me. I am so grateful to her. I can even say I am grateful for having cancer. I was always meant to be a mom, but if I didnt have cancer, I never would have had Zev. I would have had a kid, but not Zev, and I want Zev – tantrums and all. – Marissa Jaret Winokur • I hope telling the story of how I went from being a single mom to serving in the Texas State Senate to running for governor will remind others that with the right leadership in government, where you start has nothing to do with how far you go. – Wendy Davis • I know how to do anything, I’m a mom. – Roseanne Barr • I like to think there are a lot of balls in the air, and the kids are not one that I choose to drop. They have been a priority and I have a career that allows for a little more flexibility at times and hours that are quite mom-friendly. – Elisabeth Hasselbeck • I lived in South Africa until I was 11 when we first immigrated. My mom had sent me back there when I was 14 for summer vacation. I wasn’t doing very well in school, my grades were slipping. I called my mom one day and told her that I wasn’t coming back. I ended up staying there until I was 17 before coming back to North America. – Kandyse McClure • I lost my mother two years ago to cancer. But the greatest gift she gave to me was showing me how to be a wonderful and loving mom to my two sons, even now that they are grown men. – Carla Hall • I love being a single mom. But it’s definitely different when you’re dating. – Brooke Burns • I love doing TV. It’s so great for my world as a mom, as someone who likes to have a steady job and go to work feeling secure because I’m with a family. – Ming-Na Wen • I love my body as it is. People in the industry have been telling me to lose weight for years but I like the way I look. I give credit to my mom for helping me feel good about my appearance – for making sure I never felt embarrassed about my body, because she was never worried about looking too big. – Christina Hendricks • I notice that if there are some times I’ve been stressed, because I’m human and stress about things, that affects your kids. So you have to make sure you’re a happy mom so they can be happy. – Britney Spears • I obviously love to sing, it’s my passion, as is being a mom. Those are the two things that pretty much consume my every day and so I want to keep doing that as long as I can. – Martina McBride • I only do private room karaoke where its just me and one of my closest girlfriends. My mom always said I could really belt songs out, and the Dixie Chicks feed that encouragement. – Chelsea Peretti • I painted my toenails before Dennis Rodman. One time at training camp, I stubbed my toe and the nail came loose. My mom gave me some toenail hardener, and I painted over it. I scored 40-something points that night, so it became a ritual. Paint my toenails, score 40 points. – Shaquille O’Neal • I started acting when I was five years old. I found it randomly, through listening to my brother study monologues. I auditorally started memorizing them for no reason, and started repeating them to anyone who would listen to me. And then, I begged my mom to let me do whatever that meant because I couldn’t put into words exactly what that meant. It just meant me happy. And then, when I was 11 years old, I realized what I was doing and I looked to my mom and said, “Can I make this something I can do for the rest of my life?” She was like, “Yeah, sure, if you want to.” And I was like, “Okay, great! I think I might want to do this forever.” – Chloe Grace Moretz • I started acting when I was, like, three. My brother was really smart, and he wasnt being challenged enough, so my mom put him in the theater class. And I obviously followed him. – Nolan Gould • I suppose all moms have an idea who they hope their daughters will be. Like a connect-the-dots picture where you think you know what shape it will become. But then it’s the daughter who draws the lines, and she might connect the dots you didn’t intend, making a whole different picture. So I’ve gotta trust the dots she’s given me, and she’s gotta trust me to draw the picture myself. – Laura Lee • I think maybe my mom thought that Katharine Hepburn would be a good role model of, like, a strong, smart, independent woman. Maybe she steered me in that direction. You know, because she was really so ahead of her time. – Gillian Jacobs • I think the metaphysical world is something Lisa and I have always been interested in. We were encouraged from a very young age to believe in magic. Our mom used to take us to fairy parties. As we got older, I was always very drawn to manifesting my own destiny…learning how to do spells and personal ritual. – Jessica Origliasso • I thought my mom’s whole purpose was to be my mom. That’s how she made me feel. – Natasha Gregson Wagner • I told Grant Hill back there – I just got done playing against him – as a second grader I had a Pistons Grant Hill jersey. That was the first time I walked into a gym. That’s when I fell in love with the game. My mom, I think she just wanted to get me and my brothers out of the house for a few hours. When I walked into the gym, I fell in love with the game. – Kevin Durant • I used to be embarrassed by my mom, but now I know what she is-she’s a hero. – Carrie Jones • I used to have a blankie, and when my mom had to wash it, I would sit outside the dryer and watch it go round and round, and cry. – Drew Barrymore • I want to be playing music, and I want to be a great mom, and I want to do everything. – Emily Robison • I was always at peace because of the way my mom treated me. – Martina Hingis • I was raised in a spirit of the importance of service to your fellow man. My mom is a senator back home in South Africa. My father is a very caring and generous individual. – Adhir Kalyan • I was taught very well. My mom raised me very well, and so did my dad. I’ve been very blessed to have great parents that cared about me. – Justin Bieber • I wish I had read Sacred Pregnancy when I was pregnant instead of the dozen books I had to piece together to try to make sense of it all. Anni Daulter has created what should be the new standard for today’s mom: birth journals, labor workbooks, pregnancy memoirs, and holistic wisdom. It is gentle and enlightening, and lays the foundation for what we know helps women have the labor and birth they want and deserve: support, self-knowledge, and empowerment. – Mayim Bialik • I wonder if I love the communal act of eating so much because throughout my childhood, with four older brothers and a mom who worked in the restaurant business, I spent a lot of time fending for myself, eating alone – and recognizing how eating together made all the difference. – Thomas Keller • If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. – Robert Breault • I’m a huge breast cancer awareness advocate because my mom went through breast cancer recently. It really brought our family closer. – Brenda Song • I’m a long way from being evicted [at the age of 14], but I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget the feeling. I’ll never forget my mom crying and I’ll never forget the thought I had: ‘Well the only thing I can do is just go build my body,’ because the men who were successful that I knew of – Stallone, Arnold, Bruce Willis – they were men of action. – Dwayne Johnson • I’m a mom. I’m from Ethiopia. I gave birth in the U.S. and had all the proper care available to me. If I had given birth in Ethiopia – I don’t know if I might have even survived it. – Liya Kebede • I’m a real stay-at-home mom. I’m really hands-on. Everything else became secondary. – Drew Barrymore • I’m a working mom, not a professional athlete, but I am a runner and that’s a special club. – Alison Sweeney • Im married to a white man, and then my daughter came out looking like the whitest white child with blonde hair and blue eyes. And Im like, Omigosh, now what am I going to do? She has my moms features and is lighter than my husband. And my boy is browner than I am. Brown eyes and really tan. – Karyn Parsons • I’m somebody who doesn’t work with a stylist. I’ll be honest with you, I’m a mom and it’s just not something I want to put money toward because it’s expensive to have somebody who helps dress you and I feel like I have to pay for preschool and so many things so I don’t have a stylist. – Busy Philipps • It doesn’t matter how old you are, or what you do in your life, you never stop needing your mom. – Kate Winslet • It needs to be said that sometimes my mom forgets important details when she talks. Like the time she told us she was considering leather (couches, it turns out), or when I was little and she said, “Here’s a napkin to put your balls in” (the Atomic Fireballs that I was eating, she meant). – Bill Konigsberg • It’s about prioritizing. Just take it one step at a time. Do the best that you can. I’m a mom and I have two husbands – an ex husband and a next husband. It’s a blended family and it’s very hard to keep things together, but we’re happy and we live in love. Djimon and I are so happy. – Kimora Lee Simmons • It’s always been my mom and I against the world. – Brittany Murphy • It’s fun to play mom. Last I knew I was playing a 17-year-old who graduated. – Selma Blair • I’ve got three kids. I worry about them but the gospel freed me and freed my wife. We are not trying to make our kids think that we’re super spiritual or we’ve got it all together. They see mom and dad being real people. What they hear dad talking about at home is not different from what they see from dad [at church]. That won’t guarantee that they’ll avoid the whole PK, MK thing. But we are hopefully not contributing to what normally produces that crisis, which is pretending. – Tullian Tchividjian • Like many other moms out there, I try to buy safe products for my family, but that can’t be the only solution. You can’t hire a team of scientists to do your shopping for you. At some point the government has to step in and ensure that chemicals are safe before our children are exposed to them. – Jessica Alba • Maybe we ought to look at a guy’s response to our microwave from now on.” Aunt Annie said. Really.” Mom said. “The narcissist looks at his reflection in it. The OCD guy thinks you don’t keep it clean enough.The antisocial–” Puts his fist through it because it reminds him of his father.” Annie said. She’d read all of mom’s books, too. And the paranoid one would be jealous of the amount of time you spend cooking.” Mom said Were you using that microwave again? Is something going on between the two of you? I caught you looking right at its clock.” Annie said. – Deb Caletti • Mom takes all the credit for my success. Now Mom says, ‘I read your face when you were a baby, and it said you were going to be a star. That’s why I named you Ming – because it’s all about the sun and the stars and enlightenment.’ – Ming-Na Wen • My dad had limitations. That’s what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm. – Gillian Flynn • My dad is funny in his own way, and so is my brother, but in terms of legitimately making a lot of people laugh, that’s my mom. I inherit my sense of comedy from her. – Mindy Kaling • My family and my friends-they keep me grounded. Especially my mom, because she would kick my ass if I was to change. – Lil Wayne • My first language is both English and Spanish. My mom was raised in Los Angeles, so with her we spoke English, but my father was born in Cuba, so with him we spoke Spanish. – Jencarlos Canela • My life isn’t interesting! It’s my mom. You need to write her life and put me in it. I’m a cameo in her life. – Carl Lewis • My mom always said fighting with me as a kid was like going to court. I’m trying to realize that being right is not the most important thing. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom and my stepdad are both therapists. – Jennifer Westfeldt • My mom dressed me in silk to go to elementary school. – Allegra Versace • My mom had the breakdown for the family, and I went into therapy for all of us. – Carrie Fisher • My mom has always been a huge inspiration. She was a single mom raising two kids in New York. Now that is full-on all the time. – Kim Raver • My mom has obviously had a powerful influence on my life and her voice can describe certain things that I couldn’t see in myself. – Common • My mom is American, so I was raised in her household in my formative years. But as I got older, my pops tried to keep me involved with the culture by telling me the stories of the conflict between Ethiopia and Eritrea, how he came to America, and about our family back home, because all that side of my family, my aunties, grandparents, is in Africa. – Nipsey Hussle • My mom is my heart. She was a rock for me even though she was not around as much as dad. – Sunidhi Chauhan • My mom is one of those people that you feel honored to meet. And no matter who you are, you fall in love with her because she is spiritual, she’s inspiring, she’s strong, she’s funny, she’s creative, she’s talented… she’s everything that I want to be. – Beyonce Knowles • My mom is really skinny, too. I got it from her. Ive never done yoga before. – Bregje Heinen • My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it’s delicious. – Bobby Moynihan • My mom pushed me to take drama class. – Michael Steger • My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it’s just not going to work. – Jane Wagner • My mom was always a fan of just really elegant, sophisticated pieces. I mean we grew up in Maine, so we didn’t have a lot of call for black tie or anything, but I think I definitely got that sensibility from her. – Anna Kendrick • My mom was always like, “If you love it, do it. If she’s actually having fun, and I know that my kid is having fun, she’s gonna do whatever she wants. Whether that’s gymnastics, learning the car, acting or just being a normal kid, she’s gonna do what makes her happy.” That’s how I’ve always lived my life. – Chloe Grace Moretz • My mom was an environmental activist in Australia in the late ’60s and ’70s and I guess I’ve inherited that awareness from her. – Robin McLeavy • My mom wouldn’t know Tom Cruise if he punched her in the face. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom wouldn’t let me buy clothes she didn’t like, so I dressed like a middle-aged woman in high school. – Gillian Jacobs • My mom, she’s like Why can’t you just do a nice romantic comedy like Jennifer Love Hewitt? And I’m like: Mom, look at me. They just don’t put me in those movies. – Norman Reedus • My mother was a single mom, and most of the women I know are strong. – Regina King • My nana was an actress, my mom was an actress, and my sister, too. So because I was surrounded by it, it really came naturally. – Chris Pine • My parents were pretty open about a lot of things, especially my mom. And any kind of little crazy thing I was into, she was very supportive of. You know, whether it was BMX bike racing or being in the Boy Scouts or surfing or anything else, she always seemed to sort of support it. And I think it’s because she was an immigrant and that idea of sort of having her kids be able to have access to their dreams and whatever they wanted to follow was very important to her. – Terry Gross • My parents were very young when they had me. They were still growing up and learning themselves. They did the best they could, but my mom and dad split up when I was little… So that kind of made me stronger. – Justin Bieber • Never eat in a place called ‘Mom’s’. – Nelson Algren • No mom has it all together. We’re all dealing with loose ends when it comes to motherhood and our children. Some of us are just better at keeping up appearances, that’s all. – Julie Ann Barnhill • On a strained relationship between a tennis champion and her mother: There comes a time when it’s probably not cool for your mom to be your best friend. – Lindsay Davenport • On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show: Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage. – Moms Mabley • One thing my mom didn’t want any of us to do was to cry or to complain about life. Every day and night, even when we didn’t have much food, we would pray together. And that for me was a beautiful moment. The fact of being poor didn’t really hurt me. – Riccardo Tisci • Parents may be always working, parents may be in and out. When you’re dropping them off with coaches, the first thing kids should be coming back and saying is, ‘Mom, guess what I learned today? Guess what coach taught me today?’ – Ray Lewis • Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It’s disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there’s something visceral about opening a letter – I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting. – Steve Carell • So long, Mom I’m off to drop the bomb So don’t wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV – Tom Lehrer • So why you pushin’ it? Why you lyin’ for? I know where you live, I know your folks, you was a sucka as a kid. Your persona’s drama that you acquired in high school in actin’ class, Your whole aura is plexiglass. What’s-her-face told me you shot this kid last week in the park; That’s a lie, you was in church with your moms. – O.C. • Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Listen to your moms and dads. In this great country of ours you do whatever you set your mind to. Make us proud of you. – Mickey Mantle • The most dangerous action a woman can take when faced with a criminal is to resist with her fists: That tends to annoy violent criminals, and the woman will very likely be seriously injured. But a woman who takes the advice of Handgun Control Inc. and passively submits is 2.5 times more likely to be injured than a woman who resists with a gun. So if you don’t want to lie back and enjoy it, get a gun. Otherwise you may never become a mom. – Ann Coulter • The most inspiring piece of advice I’ve gotten is simply to persevere. My mom taught me to always keep going no matter what from an early age. When it feels too difficult to push forward, I always remind myself, ‘This too shall pass,’ and then I redouble my efforts. – Liya Kebede • There appears to be a disturbing trend in this nation to try to force single moms to choose between their children and their careers. If they take their careers seriously, they are labeled as bad mothers. If they spend time with their children, they are labeled as people who can’t be serious about careers outside the home. This is a sexist double standard. No such guilt trip is imposed on men, who are generally not forced to choose between their children and their jobs. – Gloria Allred • There was a nobility in poverty when I was growing up. My mom was poor but she was planting roses and she was cleaning the steps, you know what I mean. You didn’t feel sorry for yourself. – Ricky Gervais • There were definitely bands and musicians I liked that drove my mother insane. I probably liked them all the more for it! Bjork drove my mom nuts. What I listened to was actually pretty mom-friendly for the most part. I wasn’t very rebellious. – Gillian Jacobs • Treat a woman how you’d want someone to treat your mom. – Mario Lopez • When I have children that go home and mom and dad are not home because they’re working, they’re trying to get food on the table, and they come home to an empty house and they go to sleep in an empty house, there is no way that child can compete against a child from the west side of Los Angeles who both parents went to Stanford. Well, good for them, God love them. That’s not an equal playing field. – Rafe Esquith • When I was 11, I moved to the United States with my two brothers and my mom. We moved to northern New York, up near the Canadian border, from Argentina, and there was nobody there that spoke Spanish, and because there was no internet at the time, not even cable TV yet, I lost the connection with my childhood friends and the culture I had been brought up with for my first decade completely. – Viggo Mortensen • When I was a kid I didn’t feel like I fit in because – this is really silly and I probably shouldn’t say it, but, I didn’t think anything was funny. So I used to go home and literally cry to my mom and my step-dad at the time and I didn’t think anything was funny. I couldn’t laugh. – Courteney Cox • When my husband won the Palme d’Or in 2002, I wore the same dress two days in a row. My daughter said, ‘Mom! Did you sleep in your dress?’ But I think it’s cool to wear the same thing. I have to feel comfortable. – Emmanuelle Seigner • When my wife and I met, I couldn’t talk to her – and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said ‘Hi’ – and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, ‘I think I just met my wife.’ – Mike Vogel • When you can impress your mom by saying you’ve been to someone’s concert, you know you’re pretty lame. – Gillian Jacobs • You didn’t want to bring home anything but an A or a B. To my mom, a C was like an F. – Calvin Johnson

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