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srhlsx · 5 years ago

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Rewritten & Reposted March 24, 2021

MASTER | Ch. 19 | CHAPTER 20 - END

You hadn’t been up to Sendai for quite some time, since you were in college visiting a few friends, so it was exciting to see the changes that had been made to the buildings and landscape. Your younger siblings had never been to these parts, so as you drove through the streets their faces were pressed against the glass of the windows. Yua more so than Eiji, being a teenager now he was less likely to show how much things that ‘weren’t cool’ excited him.

When you pulled into the parking lot, his eyes did start to get a little bit more life in them. The massive banner hanging from the roof of the Kamei Arena had blown up pictures of professional athletes in an array of action poses, one in particular catching the attention of everyone in your car. You bit your lip anxiously as you parked, pressing your head to the steering wheel and taking in a deep breath.

“You okay neechan?” You heard Yua ask from the back seat. She leaned forward between the two front seats and poked at your shoulder repeatedly. You glanced at her sideways and mumbled out a yes, which was enough of an answer for the nine year-old to return back to her seat.

“She’s nervous.” Eiji stated in a blunt tone. Your eyes widened considerably as you looked at your now sixteen year old brother.

“I am not nervous,” You snapped, although you could barely convince yourself of the fact with how your voice managed to crack at the end.

“Sure you are,” Your brother shrugged. “You spilled your tea like six times this morning and your hands haven't stopped fidgeting the entire ride up here.”

You turned to look away from your brother and faced the front of the car, watching as people piled out of their cars and started to file into the stadium. You pouted slightly, annoyed that your brother continued to be wiser than his years and wasn’t afraid to call you on it.

You hesitated before speaking again, bringing your hand up to your mouth and absently biting on your thumbnail. “What if it’s weird?” You mumbled into the silence of the car.

You felt like such a loser. Here you were, sitting in your car in a busy parking lot, nervous about seeing the guy you fell in love with in high school and complaining about it to your nine year-old and sixteen year-old siblings. Pathetic.

“You still talk to him though!” Your sister said.

“But they haven’t really been around each other in like, two years Yua,” Your brother said, turning around in his seat to face the back. “What she’s worried about is how she’s supposed to greet him.”

While things steadily got more serious between you and Bokuto over the years, when he made the decision to enter into the professional volleyball league, it took a damper on your relationship. You agreed, mutually, that things were going to be put on pause. You were still finishing up undergrad and applying for graduate school proper at the time, all that hard work you had put in over the years was not something you were going to throw away just to travel around the country with Bokuto and chase after uncertain victory.

It had been hard to end things. But as Bokuto made very clear, it was not goodbye but more like pausing a movie right before the big climax and just waiting until the next bag of popcorn was ready. You had cried, heavily, when he said that, but couldn’t help to also laugh at how he could spin things into something positive.

At this point, it’d been two years since you parted ways. Two years since you’d seen him in person. Two years since you’d felt his touch.

“Just say hi?” Yua said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if you were going to go up to him, this professional athlete who was making a huge name for himself, and just say ‘hi’.

“Yes, chibi.” You nodded, jolting yourself to get going and finally unbuckling your seatbelt. “That’s a great idea, you smart girl.”

Glancing in the rearview mirror you could see Yua preen at the praise, ignoring or not noticing your slightly sarcastic tone as she gathered her stuff and also started to exit the car. As you all met in the front of the car to walk in together, your brother tugged on your jacket to pull you back a step. You looked at him, well up at him now, expectantly.

“It’s going to be fine,” He reassured you. “And if it’s not, then we can leave.”

You wanted to cry at the sentiment. Coming here was something your brother had been looking forward to since you’d gotten the tickets in the mail. He’d nearly swooned over the handwritten message that had come with them, the sender expressing their hope and excitement to see the three of you again. You knew that if he was offering to leave because you were uncomfortable, he meant it.

You grabbed your brother by the track jacket he was wearing, the gold and black detailing flashing in the bright sun, and pulled him close in an embarrassing (for him) show of affection. “You’re the best.” You mumbled as you ruffled his hair.

He immediately pushed you off and his hands went up to fix the wayward locks when he noticed a group of teenage girls giggling a few yards away. “Yeah, whatever.” He mumbled, doing his best to hold back a smile.

When the three of you entered the stadium and your tickets were scanned, the ticket worker motioned for someone looking like an usher to come forward. The older woman glanced at your tickets and told you to follow her. Confused, you asked if there was something wrong.

“No, dear!” She smiled at you as she continued to walk through the crowd. “These are just VIP tickets, I’ll escort you to the visitor’s VIP section. You must be very special!”

You blushed, having not even realized what kind of tickets you had been sent, which made you feel like an idiot. Yua began jumping up and down excitedly, while Eiji’s eyes became wider than saucers as you descended a set of stairs and ended up on the floor right next to the court.

It was perfect timing as the lights began to flicker and loud music began to pump through the speakers. The announcer directed all attention to the multiple jumbotron screens throughout the arena as the introductions for the home team, the Adlers, began. You happened to recognize a few of the names from your days in high school volleyball, and you suddenly got a little less anxious and a little more excited.

In the next moment you swore your heart stopped completely and the world was suddenly spinning a million miles a minute. The home team had completed their introductions, and like the shooting star you always remembered him being, another figure made a grand entrance.

He flipped and twirled, landing on his feet and yelling out his own name and number and smiling brightly towards the crowd. Everyone laughed, including you and your siblings, glad to see that time and fame hadn’t changed Bokuto in the slightest.

“(Y/n), I can’t see!” Yua complained, jumping up on the tips of her toes to try to see over the crowd standing near the barrier. “Eiji, take me closer!”

You pushed at your siblings, encouraging them to move through the sea of people to get a closer look before warmups were finished. You saw Eiji roll his eyes, but you knew he was secretly more excited than even Yua as he led her towards the front. You got a little jostled in the crowd and were separated from your siblings for a moment, but you weren’t worried since you were all going in the same direction.

“Hey, Bokuto-san, that kid over there has a Fukurodani jacket! So cool!” Bokuto’s ears perked up at the mention of his high school and looked around wildly until his eyes landed on where his red-headed teammate was pointing.

Bokuto didn’t bother to hear anything else, he was already moving across the court.

Two years may have made your siblings grow and change, but he would forever recognize them. Your little sister Yua, barely peeking her eyes over the top of the barrier still had crazy hair that he remembers you once saying she got from your mother. Your brother, Eiji, was not a young boy anymore but a growing teenager who was closing in on Bokuto in terms of height and size - impressive, kid can’t be older than sixteen now, Bokuto thought.

His smile grew even more when he had fully approached the two and saw that not only was your brother wearing a Fukurodani jacket, but it was a part of the familiar volleyball warmups Bokuto himself still had. Stitched into the front was your family’s name and a golden number four. Bokuto felt a sense of pride at the sight, “Good choice, Eiji.”

“Thank you, I had to earn it.” Your brother greeted Bokuto with a solid handshake and a modest smile.

“I’m sure you worked hard,” Bokuto said, then reaching down to say hello to Yua and ruffling her hair affectionately which made her smile grow wider than it seemed like her face could accommodate.

“Oh my - fuuuck, these people.” You huffed out as you finally broke through the bodies pushed together that had separated you from your siblings. You let out a heavy sigh and pushed your hair out of your face a bit dramatically. When you looked up at who your siblings had been talking to your spinning word suddenly halted altogether. “Oh my god.”

Bokuto looked as stunned as you felt, those same golden eyes widening to take up most of his face, eyebrows reaching up in surprise as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. Bokuto Koutaro, speechless, for the first time in his life. “H-Hey,” He finally said.

“Hi,” You said back immediately, clutching your bag to your chest in hopes that it would help your nerves to do something with your hands.

There was a pause, a flash of uncertainty that came across Bokuto’s face. If you hadn’t been staring at him so intently you might’ve missed it as it was so quickly replaced by so many other emotions. Relief. Excitement. Love.

“I’ve missed you, (y/n).” He said breathlessly, right before he reached his hands out and grabbed you by the face and pulled you forward. You didn’t resist at all as his lips came crashing down on yours, letting your bag fall to the floor as your grip shifted to clutching at the black jersey that stretched across his chest.

It all came back in that moment, like a montage or highlight reel. Daiki introducing you at that party six years ago. Late nights spent texting, facetiming, or studying together. Cheering each other on as you both continued through the ranks at the national tournament. His body pressed up against yours in those secret, intimate moments. Smiles and laughter as you walked the streets of Tokyo while skipping out on your free periods.

You heard a few of his teammates yelling from the other side of the court, probably confused as to why Bokuto was kissing a random girl from the crowd. As he pulled away, smiling, you pressed your forehead against his and let the weight of the past few years of missing him slowly fall from your shoulders.

“See, (y/n)?” Yua said, picking up your bag and handing it to you. “I told you ‘hi’ was fine!”

#bokuto koutaro #koutaro bokuto #bokuto x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #hq!! x reader #hq!!#hq

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zombizombi · 5 years ago

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hummingbird heartbeat - pt45

It was difficult to take Kent’s -- and Jeff’s, and Jack’s -- advice. Not that they were wrong, because Bitty knew they weren’t. It was just… not his nature, he supposed, to step back like that.

It did seem to work, though. At least a little. Whiskey wasn’t overtly avoiding him any more in the dining hall, at least.

“So!” Bitty said, catching him at breakfast one day, “Your parents are coming up from Arizona!”

Whiskey gave him a blank stare.

“I know they couldn’t make it to the family weekend game last year,” Bitty continued. “So you gotta be excited!”

“Yeah,” Whiskey said. “It’ll be fun.”

Bitty laughed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah! And, um. You’re starting and all, so they must be so… excited!” He already said excited. Fuck.

“Yeah.” Whiskey glanced back down at the toaster.

“Whiskey,” Bitty said, “I just wanted to say, y’know, if you ever --”

The bread popped up and Whiskey coughed, snatching it out of the toaster before making his excuses and leaving Bitty to toast his bagel alone.

“I am giving him space,” Bitty said that night, as Kent stripped in his bedroom after repeating his previous advice.

“I dunno, babe,” Kent said as he set his clothes off to the side in a carefully folded pile. “Are you giving him, like. Your version of space or his version of space?”

“Lord, honey, I don’t know,” said Bitty, “how should I know?” How did you know what someone’s version of ‘space’ was? “But it’s not like I can completely avoid him. I’m his captain. We have to interact! So how do I tell him, like. ‘It’s cool, I didn’t see anything’?”

“You mean like how d’you lie to him?” Kent asked, climbing into bed. He’d come by, just for one night, in between games on an East Coast roadie. It was out of the way, and Bitty felt… a bit bad about it, to be honest, but any excuse to have Kent in his bed was worth taking. Kent wouldn’t have taken no for an answer, anyway.

“It’s not, like, lying,” Bitty said. “I mean, what if he wants to talk about it, and doesn’t think he can? Or --”

“If you say you didn’t see anything, then he’ll know you did see something,” Kent said, wiggling under the covers, “because if you didn’t see anything then you wouldn’t have any reason to say you didn’t see anything, so that means you totally saw something. Right?”

“Oh my god,” said Bitty. “Who are you, Joe Hardy?”

“Please, I’d obviously be Frank and you know it.” Kent stretched, bringing one arm up to rest behind his head.

“But Joe was the blond one,” Bitty said.

“Frank was the hot one,” Kent countered.

Was he? “But --”

“Okay, Carolyn Keene, thrilling as this is,” Kent interrupted.

“Carolyn Keene did not write the Hardy Boys,” Bitty said.

Ignoring him, Kent continued. “We kind of need to talk about your dad before we go to sleep, so --”

“What?” Bitty swallowed. “No, why -- we weren’t talking about him.” They had avoided talking about Coach the entire visit. Well, mostly. Bitty took a breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, honey, I --”

“He’s coming tomorrow, isn’t he?” Kent asked. He had to leave first thing in the morning to catch a flight, wouldn’t be there. “To your game. And you haven’t seen him since what... March, right?”

March. Before everything, before The Kiss. Not that anyone in his family said a word to him about it.

Ugh. “You’ll be long gone before then, so what’s there to talk about?” Bitty snapped, hunching his shoulders.

“Um,” Kent said.

“There would only be something to talk about if Coach was gonna see you,” said Bitty. “And he’s not. So.”

Kent nodded, looking down at the sheets. He picked at a loose thread, not speaking.

“I’m not being avoidant,” Bitty said, and Kent eyes flicked back up to him for just a moment. “I’m not. And it’s not that I don’t want you to see him, either. He’s just coming to watch us play. Who cares.”

Kent worried the skin of his lower lip with his teeth for a moment. “I just think, um. It would be normal to have some… feelings about it?” He glanced back up at Bitty.

Bitty sighed. “Okay, yes,” he said. “Fine. I haven’t seen him in a while, but. I’ll see him before the game, and we’ll get a tense and stoic dinner afterwards. It’s fine.”

Kent’s arm slid around him. Gently pressing a kiss into his hair, Kent pulled Bitty down and tugged him close. “Okay,” he murmured.

“Kent Parson, go to sleep and stop tormenting me with your sleuthing.” Bitty wound Kent’s chain around his finger, rubbing the Saint Michael pendant with his thumb. “You’re getting up so early.”

“Mmm.” Kent nuzzled the back of Bitty’s neck. “All right. G’night, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Bitty said.

The following day was a blur. Kent left before the crack of dawn, barely waking Bitty to say goodbye. Bitty couldn’t pay attention in any of his classes; between the half-sleep he’d gotten once Kent left and the anxiety of the upcoming game, he wasn’t particularly well-rested. As a group of them walked back to the Haus that afternoon, Bitty contemplated how much time he had to nap before the game as they chattered about the weekend.

“Hops, I can’t wait to try your mom’s baking!” Ford grinned.

“She watched all of Bitty’s vlog in preparation for the game,” Hops said. He turned to face them, walking backwards up the sidewalk. “Seriously, Bitty, she’s gonna freak when she meets you.”

So sweet. “Then I will surely freak out in return when I meet the beautiful woman who birthed John Hopper,” Bitty said, sliding his key into the Haus’s front door lock. She had to be an angel, raising such a gem of a son.

“I’m texting her you said that!” Hops said, heading into the Haus first.

Bitty followed him in, completely unprepared for the voice that called to them from the kitchen. “Hey! Y’all back?”

Bitty sucked in a quick breath. That sounded like -- but it wasn’t time yet. Surely not. He tugged his ball cap off, following the voice.

“There you are!” Coach pushed away from the counter, smiling. “Got in early,” he said. “That Asian boy let me in -- Chow.”

“Oh,” Bitty said, lowering his cap. “Hi, Daddy.”

“Texted you -- after checking into the hotel, no answer… And I thought it was silly to just sit around,” Coach said. “You know, your mom said this wasn’t like any of the frat houses I’ve seen, and boy, she ain’t wrong.”

Fuck, Bitty had missed a text. A very crucial, informative text. The one time he wasn’t obsessively checking his phone -- he took a deep breath.

Plucking at the curtain over the sink, Coach squinted at it. “Aren’t these your aunt’s curtains?”

“They are,” Bitty said, because what else could he say? “She was fixing to throw ’em out.”

Coach blinked at him for a moment, and Bitty’s shoulders tightened.

“Um,” Bitty said. “Coach -- Dad. This is John, he’s a freshman, and Denice, she’s our manager. Y’all, this is my dad.”

Coach stepped forward, holding out a hand. “You can call me Coach!”

“Hi, Coach Bittle!” said Ford, shaking his hand.

“Wow, hi!” said Hops. “You look just like Bitty.”

Did he? Bitty frowned.

“You’re a football coach? My brothers play football!” Ford grinned as Coach smiled at her.

“Oh, hey! Whereabouts?” he asked.

“They’re only juniors in high school… But we currently live in San Diego,” she said.

“Okay!” Coach said. He frowned a little. “Hm, now -- football and California. Then how in the world did someone like you get roped into hockey?”

Ford laughed. “I --”

“Dad,” Bitty said, interrupting them. “Some of the guys are gonna take naps before we head to Faber…”

“Oh, all right,” said Coach, waving a hand. “Just getting to know the team. It’s a pleasure to meet y’all.”

“Nice to meet you, Coach Bittle,” said Hops.

“Nice to meet you, Coach Bittle!” Ford smiled.

Coach cleared his throat and followed Bitty out of the kitchen to the entryway. “Well! I’m glad I could stop by before your warmups,” he said. “If any of your crew want to come with tonight -- there’s a little restaurant downtown where we can watch your friend Kent’s game.” Coach was smiling, but Bitty hadn’t missed what he said.

Your friend. As if that was all Kent was to him. Bitty narrowed his eyes.

“See you, Junior,” Coach said, a moment later.

“Bye, Daddy,” Bitty said.

Before anyone had an opportunity to ask any questions, Bitty went upstairs to his room, tugging the door shut behind him. Leaning against it, he shut his eyes for a moment.

Family day was going to be fine.

The afternoon game started off a little chippy and stayed that way, with both teams taking penalty minutes and Dartmouth scoring on their first powerplay. Everyone on the bench chattered about the members of their family in attendance -- Tango’s mom had quite a mouth on her, if Bitty did say so himself. He tried not to think about Coach in the stands.

It had been a long time since Bitty really felt paralyzed by a check. He shouldn’t have even fallen after the hit, it was barely anything, but -- but he did, legs shaky and everything, ending up with both hands planted on the ice. Bitty took a breath. Fuck, he had to get up.

“Bitty, man!” That was Dex.

Bitty took another breath.

“Hey.” That was Whiskey. “Can you get up?”

Bitty took a breath again.

They lost the game.

Coach asked Bitty, after catching up with him -- and his coaches, and his teammates -- in the dressing room, if he was ready to go watch “his friend Kent’s” game.

“Yeah,” Bitty said.

Coach drove them to the restaurant in a rented truck, going over points of Bitty’s game and occasionally talking about Kent’s upcoming game.

Or rather, Bitty’s friend Kent. Coach made sure to put friend in front of Kent’s name.

He just kept saying it like that, every time -- “your friend Kent.”

At the restaurant. During the game. In the car to go back. He never called Kent anything but Bitty’s friend, not once.

As they got into the car to head back to the Haus, Bitty couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know, your mama and I’ve been talking about this winter break… your friend Kent --”

“He’s not my friend,” Bitty said, trying to keep his voice even.

Coach sighed. “Come on,” he said. “You’re getting snippy because you’re --”

Getting snippy? Getting snippy? Really?

“If you don’t like us together, then just say it,” Bitty snapped, losing any semblance of control over his tone, “but he’s my boyfriend! If you don’t support it, then just say it!”

“W -- so I fly all the way up here to watch you play because I don’t support you?” Coach huffed. “Where’s the sense in that?”

Because flying up to watch your son’s game was totally the same as supporting his being gay. Absolutely the same. “Watching me play a sport and admitting I’m dating Kent are two different things,” Bitty said. He crossed his arms over his chest, pulling them in tight.

“I know you’re with him,” said Coach. “I’m trying not to make it a big deal.”

Not to make it a big deal? It was a huge deal. They were -- not the point, that wasn’t the point. “Then stop pretending that he’s not my boyfriend!”

“I never said he wasn’t --”

Oh, lord. As if just calling him Bitty’s friend constantly wasn’t basically the same thing? “You haven’t once acknowledged --”

“You want me to treat it like it’s normal, then?”

Bitty sucked in a sharp breath. The memory of Kent’s mother shoving a pamphlet for conversion therapy across the table sprang into his mind, unbidden, and something in his stomach dropped.

“Or what,” Coach went on, “you want me hollering and marching in a damn parade and getting all the rainbows --”

“Just treat it like it’s something that exists --” Bitty interrupted, but he didn’t get to finish, either.

“How? You didn’t tell us!” Coach snapped. “We had to find out from the TV --”

“Because -- I just want --” Bitty swallowed. This is why I didn’t tell you. “I want you to say there’s nothing wrong with it!”

Coach sighed, pressed a hand to his forehead. “I don’t know what to do with you.”

Christ.

He’d known it would be like this. Bitty had always known that, even before those kids at school locked him into that closet. If Coach wanted to pretend he hadn’t known Bitty was gay for a long time, that was fine, but Bitty knew better. They’d known forever, his parents. They’d always known. Nobody ever talked about it, nobody said anything except the stuff Bitty heard in church, but he wasn’t stupid. Coach knew Bitty was different a long time ago, knew he wasn’t the kind of boy strong men wanted to have as a son.

“I want you to tell me I’m not messed up!” Bitty’s eyes burned. Weak. “Please,” he said, bringing a hand up to cover his face as the tears spilled over. “J-just tell me you don’t think I’m messed up. I know you’ve always thought I was.” Bitty sniffed a little, but it was fucking useless. He was turning into a sobbing mess in front of his daddy and there was nothing he could do about it. He sucked in a hitching breath, scrubbed at his face with one arm. “Because I didn’t wanna play football and all the baking and the girly stuff. Please, just tell me that you -- that it’s okay. You don’t think I’m messed up.”

“You’ve never been messed up,” said Coach, and his voice was maybe softer than Bitty could remember ever hearing it. “I never thought that.” His hand descended on Bitty’s shoulder. “And you and Kent being together… that don’t make you messed up.” He paused. “You know that.”

Bitty knew that? How could -- how could he sit there and say that? They never talked. Not ever, not Bitty’s whole life, and he just -- “Daddy… how am I supposed to know what you think?” Bitty asked, not looking at him.

After a moment, Coach pulled his hand away. “I’ll take you back to the Haus,” he said.

( the whole thing is on AO3 )

#omgcp #check please #kent parson #eric bittle #bittyparse #omgcp fic #jeff swoops troy #hummingbird heartbeat #my writing #tags... what even are they #arrives five years late w starbucks #i guess i could add tags for the whole fic so...:#troyson #zimbits #homophobia cw #swoose #pwoops

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calorieworkouts · 5 years ago

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Feeling Strong and Powerful at CorePower Yoga [Studio Review]

After doing a whole lot of high-impact exercise during my HIIT studio physical fitness obstacle throughout February, in March I prepared to return to my yoga roots extra. I had actually been doing a brief at-home yoga practice most early mornings, but it felt like a great time to transform equipments a bit and also get much deeper into my technique by participating in some yoga classes.

(Pretty much!)

That's why it was perfect timing when CorePower Yoga exercise connected to welcome me to check out their studios, in event of a new class that they now supply called CoreCardio Circuit.

CorePower has over 140 locations around the nation, with a number of workshops bordering the San Diego area - including in Encinitas, Poway, Del Mar, La Jolla as well as San Diego itself. I had listened to of them before however had actually never ever checked out because ... duh duh da duh ... their classes are heated up. I have actually shared my general disapproval for heated classes before, however because I've heard people go crazy about CorePower, as well as also since I apparently such as to torture myself, I wished to provide a try. Nevertheless, despite the fact that 100 degree health and fitness classes aren't my favored, a little sweat has never ever really injure me!

What I Suched As Finest Concerning My CorePower Experience:

Yoga Sculpt. My favorite of the yoga exercise classes at the workshop was definitely Yoga exercise Sculpt. I enjoy the combo of practicing yoga exercise positions and also moves while additionally working with stamina and also blending in cardio moves.

Note that my hand is really sweating in the above photo! The courses were held in spaces that had to do with 95 degrees.

The Studios. I primarily took courses at the workshop closest to me in Encinitas, which is extremely clean as well as nice. To my excitement, one of the instructors there, Meagan, was actually my physical therapist when I was rehabbing my calf bone injury a number of years back. I believed she was remarkable back after that, and also I love her as a yoga trainer at CorePower now.

I actually wished to attempt CorePower's brand-new high-intensity interval training course, CoreCardio Circuit. Given that the course is just being presented, their timetable alternatives for it are rather restricted. Since CoreCardio at Encinitas is presently only used at 6 AM (no ... just no many thanks!), I ventured over to their Del Mar place to attempt it out. CorePower's Del Mar studio lies on the 2nd flooring of a lovely plaza. I assume that a studio room itself can actually be a turn on or switch off, as well as the CorePower studios that I went to are beautiful and inviting.

CoreCardio Circuit. This brand-new course incorporates strength training with HIIT relocate to assist increase cardio endurance and enhance metabolism. (In instance you're questioning, I tried the class prior to my foot injury was detected last month.) The 50-minute course is included 4 stations where you execute a pair of exercises each. In between terminals, the instructor leads the course with cardio ruptureds. The relocations integrate stamina training relocations like tricep dips and also dumbbell shoulder presses, as well as cardio moves, like high-kneeing my way through a floor ladder.

The class is NOT heated up, but I still ended up soaked in sweat by the end because my heart was pumping. I would have liked if the course incorporated more yoga exercise relocations, probably a strong vinyasa flow warmup or cool down, however generally, I liked the class. CoreCardio was a challenging workout that passed quick. That's why I'm such a big follower of HIIT exercises in general!

I think that CorePower offering greater intensity circuit courses is a wonderful enhance to people that generally only practice yoga there. It's a method to kick your cardio routine up a notch without needing to go to several studios.

What I Didn't Love. Salty, burning eyes from sweating ... Though I've attempted, I'm still not offered on warmed courses. When the space is 95 levels, I'm sweating my booty off and I feel like I can't breathe in addition to in a space with an amazing temperature. Warmed courses also make me really feel like I'm working so hard, but my heart rate screen does not really reveal that in the long run with a substantial calorie burn.

All in all, I have actually delighted in refocusing my energy into my yoga exercise method. It's something that I really rely upon to help focus me and maintain my mind clear and peaceful, my heart grateful and also my body limber. A huge many thanks to CorePower for welcoming me to exercise at their studios!

#24 hr fitness #abs workout #aerobic #aerobic exercise #cardio workouts #exercise #exercise classes #fitness #fitness classes #health #health and fitness #life fitness #physical fitness #workout #workout plans #workout routines #workouts

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tjkiahgb · 6 years ago

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Episode Recap: 3.10, “The Quacks”

The episode picks up not long after the last episode ended, with Buffy asking her friends just what in the hell that Secret Society scheme was all about.

Her friends, who were super excited to help Walker out last week, waste no time throwing him under the bus now.

Jonah didn’t like the Secret Society stuff.

Cyrus didn’t like the robes.

Andi thinks it was kind of a sick way to ask someone to a dance.

Walker watch out for the bus oh my god he has airpods in he can’t hear us! oh my god!

Buffy reels off a list of the things she didn’t like about what happened: no to surprises, no to being put on the spot, and no to predictability. The candles were cool though.

Andi asks if Buffy still likes Walker and she gives a resounding ehh. Buffy explains that Walker made her shoes like how he made Andi shoes once, a long time ago. Andi thinks that is so wrong. Buffy says it’s his “signature move.” Andi and Buffy imagine Walker’s given shoes to every girl in town.

Am I going crazy here? He’s an artist? He makes artsy gifts for people? This would be like getting mad at Andi for making you a craft gift. It’s what she does! It’s not like Walker’s going around giving everyone cheap store-bought gifts like horrible little gnomes or neon green shoelaces. As long as he didn’t copy the exact mural he made with Andi that one time, what’s the problem? It’s a homemade gift. He had to spend time working on it. It’s still really nice. By this standard, would he have also not been allowed to make a drawing of Buffy as a gift? He’s already done that for Andi so that’s off the table. Find a new way to be creative, Walker. Make a necklace out of discarded soda can tabs or make a headband out of an old belt or something. I know art is your thing, but, sorry, you’ve played that card. It’s over now. Move on.

By the way, Andi and Buffy assume, with zero evidence, that Walker is going around town giving shoes to every girl like an unfixed cobbler in heat. Why?

They also assume all those girls would wear those shoes he gave them as gifts to public places like the school dance, despite not being in a relationship with him. I do feel like most people wouldn’t wear something an ex gave them while currently being in a relationship with another person. That’s so thoughtless. Wear shoes Walker gave you as a romantic gift while hanging out around your current boyfriend? Who in the world would behave like that? That would be crazy. A monument to poor decision making. I simply can’t imagine.

Aaaaaanyway, Cyrus assumes that’s it then. Buffy’s breaking up with Walker. And Buffy’s like, yeah, we’re done. I’m ghosting him. Cyrus tells her that’s not good enough. Talk to him. Break up with him in person.

Feels like Cyrus could save himself a lot of energy by recording a voice memo on his phone that says “YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!” and just playing it for his friends over and over again.

Buffy thinks Walker knows, but Jonah assures her he doesn’t because: “He’s a guy.”

The pinpoint accuracy of those three words rattles Buffy to her core.

At the dance studio, Cyrus... dances?

...has a seizure?

...gets attacked by a swarm of gnats?

...reenacts the Ides of March?

...is possessed by the spirit of an evil marionette?

I’m just not sure.

Amber shows up and asks if he’s rehearsing being electrocuted.

Ah. Damn. That’s a good one.

Cyrus tells her he has to come up with an original dance for his choreography final and perform it. Wild that he’s already got a final exam. His dance class was like a month long. No wonder it seems like all he’s learned to do is flail his arms about. Amber volunteers to tutor him in the art of dance choreography.

Wait, does Amber know how to dance? I mean, I guess she did at the house party that one time. But can she really teach Cyrus to capture the raw, super strange energy of this performance?

I have my doubts.

Over at Bex’s, Bowie presents Andi and Bex with a surprise.

That’s right! A plank!

Andi wants to know who the Quinns are. Bowie thinks they all will be, after the marriage. Bex isn’t so sure. (Maybe hyphenate?) Bowie thinks it’s important, bonding them all together as a tribe, but Bex also thinks it’s important for everyone to choose their own identity. (Hyphenate?) Mack is part of who Bex is. For example, it’s on her bowling shirt. (Hyphenate. Stitch “-Quinn” right on to the end of that bad boy.)

Andi proposes they mash up their names but they realize that would make them the Quacks and abandon that idea so quickly they never even consider they could also become the Mann family, which is pretty sweet.

Back at the dance studio, Amber asks Cyrus to touch his toes. He can’t, but in fairness, he’s only been at this dance thing for like two weeks.

Amber tries to get him to do some moves but Cyrus says it’s too hard, so Amber hair-slaps some sense into him.

At the gym for the first Spikes game, Buffy watches the opposing team warmup and settles into some depressing fatalism.

Her teammate, who the end credits tell me was named Kaitlin, says the team is well-aware of that because Buffy’s been saying it all week. Kaitlin tries to get Buffy to say something that builds confidence in the team but Buffy’s not interested.

The team’s coach shows up.

Her name is Mrs. Deborah Mendenhall. She’s the guidance counselor. She’s also late to the game, knows nothing about basketball, has the gait and posture of an elderly woman, and is dressed like a flight attendant for some reason.

On the bright side, she brought orange slices.

So at least no one will get scurvy.

Kaitlin points out that the good news is they don’t have enough girls to even play. Buffy’s shocked no one else is coming and wants to know why. Kaitlin tells her it’s probably because Buffy’s spent the entire week telling everyone they were going to lose and be humiliated.

Look, say what you will about TJ as a team captain, but he only went after one player on his team. Buffy recruited this girls’ team, then spent several weeks alienating and insulting them and eventually got 2/3s of her team to quit before they even got to play their first game.

I hope she’s cleared her calendar for a ton of redemption arcs.

Buffy says the loss would have been really embarrassing, but now they’re going to have to forfeit, which she feels is way worse.

I disagree. You can forfeit with some dignity. Floundering around the court while the other team beats you down leaves barely any room for that.

It’s like this. Say you’re going to a party, but right before you get there, you get mud all over the back of your pants. Huge stain. Can’t get it out. Just go home, right? Forfeit the evening. You walk into that party and everyone’s going to think you had a horrible accident. You can desperately try to explain it’s mud, or you can try to own it in some weird way I can’t even imagine, but let’s be honest, all you’re going to get is a mean nickname and an unflattering reputation about town.

The lesson, kids, is if you have a chance to forfeit, forfeit.

Buffy decides, instead, she’s going to try calling the team.

Up in the stands, Andi asks Libby if she’s still planning on breaking up with Jonah. Libby is. She then points at Jonah and mimics him texting like a dope. Jonah, who is good at picking up subtle hints, wonders if these two are talking about him.

Buffy has no luck convincing anyone from the team to come get publicly humiliated. I say call TJ. Tell him to grab a wig and race down to the gym. Worth a shot.

Instead Buffy looks into the stands to try and find a replacement. She spots her artsy friend who’s shown almost zero athletic ability over the years...

...and thinks, yep, there’s the ticket.

So, Buffy drags Andi out of the bleachers and to the locker room to change as Jonah and Cyrus head up to sit next to Libby.

Cyrus greets Libby with sign language.

Oh, by the way, Cyrus also knows sign language now. Where did he find the time? I can barely commit to the 10 minute Duolingo Spanish lessons on my phone.

Jonah asks Cyrus to do some translating. He wants to know if Libby is mad at him. Libby wants him to learn sign language. Jonah apologizes through Cyrus, but Libby walks away.

Cyrus tells Jonah texting Libby used to be an okay way to communicate, but now the two have been going out for a while. Perfect opportunity for him to pull out his phone and play the “YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!” message.

Also, a while? It’s not been like, a couple weeks? Cyrus’s dance class is over already, Buffy’s team is just now having their first game of the season, Jonah and Libby have been dating two years and I’ve lost complete understanding of the timeline again.

Jonah says he hasn’t learned because he’s afraid he’ll be bad at it.

Cyrus says it’ll be enough if he’s making the effort, but I just want to put this back on the table: forfeit the relationship. Take your mud-stained pants and go home.

At Bex’s, Bex approaches Bowie to do some compatibility testing of their relationship by asking some big questions and jotting down some answers to compare.

Bowie asks her about calzones. I’ll take this one, Bex. It’s pizza with excess bread. It’s hard to get a good cook on the stuffing. The toppings are rarely dispersed in a satisfying way. Not worth it.

Oh? Guess Bex and I are more compatible than I thought.

Bex wants to play seriously though, so they jump in. Bex asks if Bowie would ever want to have more kids, to which Bowie is like...

I mean, why not? If it all goes wrong, Celia’s still around, right?

Buffy brings her newest basketball recruit out to the gym so the game can finally begin. Things don’t start so hot.

Andi gets a pass and then takes off running with the ball like a halfback on a football team.

She forgot about dribbling. Bad sign. Dribbling is probably the second rule almost all people know about basketball behind knowing that the ball has to go into the basket to score points. God, I hope she remembers that at least.

Things don’t get much better from there. The public humiliation of the basketball team happens just as it was foretold.

Mrs. Mendenhall, meanwhile, spends time handing out snacks to the opposing team.

I’d normally be mad about this but she clearly has too many oranges. There’s only five people on Buffy’s team. Might as well not let them go to waste.

Andi gets the ball again and immediately turns it over.

Buffy was worried about being embarrassed, but honestly, Andi’s taking the brunt of it here. Maybe stop giving her the ball? Save her from herself.

Buffy mercifully calls a timeout to think things over.

She pulls the team into a huddle. They think she’s going to chew them out, but instead, she thanks them for showing up. She apologizes for being a bad captain and says she’s realized losing is not the worst thing ever. It’s great that those who showed up are there and that they’re in the game.

Or, basically, isn’t it nice to just be alive and doing stuff? Which is a decent message for life but a really low bar to hurdle for team sports. Congrats to us all on not dying.

They start playing again with a newfound, joyous outlook. I’m glad they’re happy with this, but their play is hurting me physically.

Kaitlin catches a pass and goes up for a lay-up from about a foot away from the basket and nearly misses not just the hoop, but the entire backboard.

It thuds off the side of the backboard and makes a noise that’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. This should be a wake up call for Kaitlin to get her vision checked. Or some kind of medical checkup. Something’s wrong.

Andi gets a pass, then, for some reason, spins, runs the wrong way, and hucks a wild shot up from half-court at the wrong basket.

It goes in as the game ends. Everyone celebrates for different reasons. I’m light headed.

Are we really sure that wasn’t worse than just leaving early? Are we really going with the lesson here of: “Kids, it doesn’t matter how terrible you do, as long as you do.” I hope no one growing up to be a doctor or pilot feels that way. Please, do those jobs well or don’t do them at all. No one’s gonna cheer you if you put the wrong organ inside your surgery patient or get lost and crash land into the ocean.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie review their answers and find themselves to be really compatible.

I think the biggest sign of their compatibility was that neither of them thought to ask the other any of these big, important life questions before agreeing to get married.

Lack of forethought and an improvisational approach to life problems suits them well, I guess.

Jonah meets Libby outside the school. He asks her to teach him sign language in sign language.

If he really wants to learn, he should hunt down the 5th grade teacher who made everyone else so fluent.

Libby agrees to. She tells Jonah she likes him.

Jonah says he likes her, 2. They seem to have reached a good level of understanding in their relationship. Amazing what COMMUNICATION! can do.

At Cyrus’s dance class, Cyrus prepares to deliver his final. Amber psyches him up, he heads out onto the floor, and...

Guys. It’s no good.

I mean, he’s doing this march walk thing.

And this scuba move like he’s dancing at a party from some 1960s beach movie.

And the robot.

His big finale is the sprinkler, of all things...

...followed by the Glee throw-your-fist-up-and-look-to-the-sky move.

I just don’t see how Cyrus passes this.

How do you watch that as a dance teacher and not go, “That was the laziest collection of basic, stock dance moves I’ve ever seen. Did you learn nothing? Did you even practice?”

Is this all another lesson about just showing up and doing a terrible job and being happy with that? Again, it’s good to have a positive attitude, but that’s not going to save your GPA.

At Bex’s, Bowie sits Andi and Bex down for a new surprise.

That’s right. Another plank!

Bowie probably should’ve learned to get everyone on board with his decision first before committing to a plank. That “The Quinns” plank is basically expensive firewood at this point.

But Bowie wins Andi and Bex over with this one.

And the news that he intends to take the Mack last name. It really was a foregone conclusion. Doesn’t he know what show he’s on? It’s called Andi Mack, not Andi Quinn. There’s already all tons of merchandise. What are you going to do, render that stuff worthless? Pfft. Good luck going up against the Disney Corporation’s profits, bud.

Bex wants to know if he’s sure he wants to be a Mack, and deal with all of the things that come with being a Mack. But Bowie’s in.

So, the Quinn names dies with Cookie. Long live the Quinns.

At school, Buffy takes out her phone and makes a call. The person on the other end of the line picks up. Buffy’s like, hey, last time I saw you, I don’t think I handled things very well and can we please meet up to talk?

And who’s on the other end of the call?

This guy!

Oh, who is this guy again? God, it’s on the tip of my tongue. It was a weird name. The kind of name they stopped giving babies in the 1950s.

I wanna say Harry? Ronny? Ralph? Was it Ralph? I feel like there was a Y in there.

Let’s just call him Not Walker for now until I can dig through the Andi Mack wiki for answers.

#Andi Mack #Buffy Driscoll #Jonah Beck #Cyrus Goodman #Amber #Bex Mack #Bowie Quinn #Libby #Marty #Kaitlin #Mrs. Mendenhall #Andi #episode recaps

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zukadiary · 5 years ago

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Mugen Musou / Krung Thep ~ Moon Troupe 2019

Over the length of my trip I saw a pretty fair cross section of this show—way back in mid-March pre-Krung Thep changes in Takarazuka; the live viewing of Takarazuka raku with Miya’s sayonara show included; and last week in Tokyo, the first full day of Reiko’s absence with the cast changes in place.

I solidly did not enjoy Mugen Musou. I love Tamaki’s Tsukigumi, I love Miya Rurika and was so glad I had the opportunity to see her last show, and no one’s treatment in Mugen Musou was able to save it for me. I think perhaps if you read and enjoyed the novel, and also love Tsukigumi, there’s a decent chance that you’ll like this. I did not read the novel, and it felt very much like I had to as a prerequisite.

There was an awful lot jammed into an hour and a half. The flow of the show bothered me; there were so many scenes, they changed so quickly, and none of them felt very substantial to me. In Saito-sensei’s attempt to cover as much plot as humanly possible, I think he lost the characters; while I understood generally what was going on, I did not immediately get who many of the characters were, how they knew each other, or why many of them were doing what they were doing.

That provided a poor setup for my biggest gripe: I recognize that I am an American, and I am not necessarily the intended audience, and that this is certainly a big part of Japanese history and culture, but in the year 2019, the whole samurai honor I-must-kill-everyone-just-to-prove-I’m-strongest thing is not very compelling to me. If accompanied by moving character relationships (which, I hear, the novel has in spades), I can definitely give it a pass; but in the absence of onstage character development, that as the standalone force driving the story was simply not interesting or relatable enough to me to be enjoyable.

With a few exceptions—and this probably just goes back to the overall lack of character development—I thought most of the characters were ill fitted to their actresses. I don’t even think anyone did a poor job, everyone really gave it their best effort; my hang up lies entirely with the directorial choices, and I guess the choice of this show in general. I find Tamaki the most charming when she’s fully in wholesome ideal husband mode. I finally watched Elisabeth recently and liked her Tod a lot more than I expected also, so that was a fair out-of-the-box choice for her. The samurai with something to prove for no good reason other than that he’s embarrassed about his dad did not hit me where I want Tamaki to hit me. Otsu is not really presented with much depth; she’s pretty demure, and she spends the whole show waiting around for men to come back to her and gets sad when they break their promises. I was hoping we’d get something that would allow Sakura to show off her strengths a little more in her Grand Theater debut (although she did play the flute for real). I wanted more pining between Otsu and Musashi, but I didn’t really get it, and what there was seemed kind of one-sided on Otsu’s part. Kojiro, too, was one-note; I’m not sure what there was to him other than “the strongest dude” (oh, and he wears a cross, so he’s CHRISTIAN. That’s BACKSTORY). Miya did her damnedest, and she did manage a kind of cold sexy anime boy vibe, but again, especially for her last show, this was just not the kind of character I most enjoy seeing her play, nor did it play to her strengths in my opinion (with truly all the love in my heart for this woman, I have to say she cannot swordplay her way out of a wet paper bag). On my first viewing I thought Ari was the villain, but after the other two I don’t think there even is a villain; Ari seems to be just a stern guy from a dojo (that Musashi passed through when he was weak and thus *had to* defeat in its entirety when he got strong). Again, I don’t really know what his motivation was, and the character didn’t show off any of Ari’s charms, or challenge her in a meaningful way to try something different. Very few other people got roles substantial enough to be worth mentioning.

I DID enjoy some specific things:

Reiko’s character, Matahachi, was my favorite, and her portrayal was my favorite. Matahachi had personality, and amidst all this very serious samurai glory business going on, he had sort of his own contrary subplot that I found much more entertaining. He’s a loyal friend to Musashi, but also lazy, kinda dumb, and utterly useless. He runs away from home with Musashi in the beginning, but while Musashi is off on his quest for ultimate strength, Matahachi pretty much gives up, spends a lot of time sleeping in a brothel, has to do manual labor for 5 minutes and gets tired of it, and eventually happens upon a dying man who is trying to carry some sort of scroll of certification to Kojiro. Matahachi is thrilled at his great fortune; he takes the scroll from the dead guy and uses it to steal Kojiro’s identity, attracting hordes of women and scaring away thugs on his “reputation.” His aging parents WALK OUT OF THEIR TINY HOMETOWN with the purpose of finding him and bringing him home, and successfully find him and embarrass him in front of all his swooning admirers. I saw Oda on the first day she took over this role, and I wish I could have seen her after a little more warmup. She didn’t have the charm that endeared me to Reiko’s Matahachi, but she sure can hold her own with the rest of the upperclassmen in terms of acting and stage presence.

Toki-chan as Akemi, a girl who Sachika’s character took into her brothel and raised, gave me the heart-wrenching yearning I wanted from Musashi and Otsu. In the very first scene after the prologue, Akemi and Musashi are walking and talking (she’s taken a liking to him). Musashi finds a bell on the ground and sticks it into Akemi’s obi. For the remainder of the show, Akemi jingles softly with every appearance and every movement, haunted via sound by the reminder of her unrequited love for Musashi, making all of her longing looks more poignant.

There’s a scene at the end where Musashi sees a ghost/memory of his father (Shimon). Dad is like WHY DID YOU DO ANY OF THIS? and Musashi doesn’t really have an answer. Same, dad.

I loved Krung Thep so much the first time I saw it. Then it went through some changes, and I cooled a little on it, but still thought it was really good overall.

It’s been a 2-act heavy year so far, and Estrellas and Krung Thep (as of me writing this 2 days before Yukigumi shonichi) have been our only revues. I thought that for the most part the music in Krung Thep was beautiful, not really in a jam to the soundtrack way like Estrellas, but in a really nice ambient way; there are a lot of bells and other interesting sounds that we don’t get as frequently. It also has a dazzling gold aesthetic, the kind of spectacle you want as a Takarazuka lover going into a revue.

There were for sure some questionable moments. The boy band number (albeit this time with Sakura at the center of the boys), which, much to my chagrin, seems to have become a revue staple regardless of director, was originally THIS SONG, which I happen to know and love thanks to this Japanese version, so I forgave its presence. This was one of the three numbers that got the axe before filming day, and they replaced it with a synth remix of the Takarazuka classic C’est Magnifique. That rendered it no longer forgivable. The chuuzume was very long and set to Shall we Dance, but like... only the chorus over and over and over and over again with varying flair. It was also turbans doing absolutely nothing to disguise Daisuke’s favorite Latin ruffles, and, if not for the King and I undercurrent, it wouldn’t have fit with the rest of the show whatsoever. A King and I medley maybe would’ve been nice?

Standout numbers:

The first or second number after the prologue (depending on when you think the prologue ends) is a Reiko vs. Ari kickboxing match. It’s hammy and ridiculous and goes on for two whole rounds, which seemed TOO LONG for how awkward it was the first time I saw it... but then when the fight ends, they break into a song about “male friendship” and how they love each other no matter who wins or loses. After that I was stoked, and on subsequent viewings appreciated every detail down to their girlfriends and trainers in the audience.

There’s a beauuuutiful barefoot duet dance between Tamaki and Miya

Mayupon in drag singing in at least 3 octaves flawlessly. There’s an alternate timeline, perhaps a brighter one, where I’m just in Mayupon’s club

Admittedly one of my least favorite revue tropes where there’s a nightclub and a girl and a terrible boyfriend and a new guy who shows up and someone gets jealous and has a gun and the wrong person always dies... but this time Ari is in hotpants

The Grand Hotel numbers in the sayonara show are probably too tough a contender, but the Krung Thep kuroenbi is not only great (messy tailcoats with rolled sleeves, mmmmm) but also almost the best little taidan gift for Miya in the whole thing. I don’t know how they’re going to splice the frames together for the DVD, but it opens with Miya singing a solo, and then she goes down into the floor as the kuroenbi is starting (making it look like she won’t even be in it). The rest of the otokoyaku dance a bit, then Miya comes back up out of the floor dressed to match, and everyone else hits one of those sexy lunges in formation, and then they all turn their heads to look at her in unison. Ugh.

I’m gonna miss Miya!!!!! And I hope Reiko is doing ok.

#takarazuka #reviews #mugen musou #am i 東宝組 now 19

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imkindanerdforlanguages · 5 years ago

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aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was actually right about everything about my crush and her maybe girlfriend! Full story below and some will be repeat if anyone’s actually been keeping up with this. Skip to the third to last paragraph if you only wanna hear what happened today and not all the back story. I wrote this mainly so I could look at it later and remember and it turned out wayyyy longer than expected

Ok so I’ve like this girl a long time and we’ve been friends never questioned too much of she liked girls or not so that was never really a problem. So cut to football season 2017. We’re both in marching band and that’s how we became friends that year. We ended up both being in the same English class that school year and I become good friends with some of her other friends, including her maybe gf. (Shout out to those friends they’re super great). Since I have a massive crush on her (it’s 2018 by now) I pay more attention to her and stuff and I kinda notice how she acted with maybe gf. Like paying attention to maybe gf like I payed attention to her, looking at her lips, always mentioning her, stuff like that. So I think “oh she likes her, oh well, I wish her the best.” I’m quite shy irl so I wasn’t gonna make a move or anything and I was content what it was, though hopeful that she’ll maybe like me someday. I hate if people come on too strong myself and kinda believe that feelings are just gonna be what they are, rather than things that can swung heavily (idk if that makes sense but whatever)

So summer break happens then we’re at marching band 2018 still got my crush, still hopeful but not expecting much bc I still notice things between my crush and maybe gf. I think maybe gf is straight (I know, I know I’m not for assuming people’s sexuality but it was what it was) maybe it was my feelings making me think that maybe gf would never reciprocate but anyways I mainly feel bad for my crush bc it looks she really likes this girl and I can relate lol. So homecoming comes and I really wanna slow dance with her but I miss my fucking chance bc I go to the bathroom. Oh well. She did grind on me at one point but all the girls in our group were so whatever it was nice but didn’t really mean anything. And I actually worked up the nerve to text her that she looked gorgeous at homecoming (which she did) and I’m still proud of myself for that

One day shortly after, we’re at a band competition in the warmup room chilling bc we’re waiting for the rain to stop so we can go on. We’re talking in a group and someone ends up asking her if she has a crush on maybe gf, and she quickly denies (and I think yeah right lol) but then they ask if she has a crush on me and she stutters our her denial. The way she did it made me think that maybe I had a chance (there were other things too of course like the occasional look, etc). So the next day I muster up all the courage I have and text her asking if she has a crush on me, she says no, and I confess that I like her to get it off my chest. I thank god that we still remained great friends after that. We actually haven’t brought it up since.

Then the next football game she’s asked if she’s ever kissed a girl and she says yes and I’m like ah ha! I bet they are actually dating. (Side note that I kinda came out to like have the band that night cause someone asked if I was straight and I said no). I get a text from maybe gf the next day asking for relationship advice (she had never mentioned that she was in a relationship before) or something (I can’t really remember anymore). She’s playing the pronoun game so I figure that it’s a girl she’s dating and she’s says so later and tells me she’s bi. I told her I was bi too and we bonded over that and stuff it was nice and brought us closer etc. She says she doesn’t wanna tell me who it is and I respected that but I kinda figured that it was my crush. I think oh well that sucks for me but I’m happy for them. For things like this I largely live by just flowing with life and seeing where it takes you. If I didn’t I’d probably literally explode from stress lmao

Over then next couple months she tells me various things about her relationship which went through ups and downs. She felt trapped and pressured to come out and like nobody else could ever love her (which I always denied). There was a rough patch where she overloaded me with emotional stuff (which I am not prepared to handle) but it’s not too relevant to the story other than that a lot of the things she said made me more sure that my crush was her gf bc it just sounded like how she would act (note that after this she pretty much stopped texting me about her gf so I didn’t really get anymore info)

Sidenote: I’m not too sure how healthy their relationship actually was and since I only ever got one side of it I’m still not too sure how much of what I was told was truthful vs exaggerated since maybe gf was going through a rough patch. There were things like her panicking bc her gf was talking about marriage (yikes) and coming out and stuff. But she also talked about how it was easy to not cheat bc there was no one else in our town and she would kiss other girls as like a shock factor thing at parties and be like “my gf shouldn’t get mad bc it’s not like fr” (also yikes). I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that both of them had things that weren’t the best but we’re teenagers and this was probably both of their first relationships so I’m not labeling them as bad people or anything. The biggest clue tho that my crush was her gf was that she said that her gf was the only person who knew all the terrible things about her/her life and since my crush was probably the closest to her I sorta assumed

Sidenote 2: some other things that made me sure of their relationship: my crush once got jealous of me in the group chat (she jokingly told me no to something, idk what anymore, and my crush was like what about me??? Lol), maybe gf kinda tripped and my crushes hand went to her waist in an intimate way to stabilize her, they were always each other’s lock screens, my crush would always give in to maybe gf (which sometimes I didn’t like bc I felt like she had to give into some things she shouldn’t have— not like really bad things but just kinda :/ and she’d have to apologize for playful insults even tho maybe gf said like the same level of insult), the eye contact when our teacher mentioned interracial sex lol, also the constant FaceTiming and calling that lowkey got on my nerves (nyc trip was the worst but really wasn’t that bad. It was mostly the jealousy that made it suck)

Sidenote 3: prom happened somewhere in here and we cuddled on the couch a bit but not like what your thinking, more like sat really close but it was nice. At one point she was like completely on top of me bc she was fighting with someone playfully

Anyways moving on to the end of the school year, I’m like 90% sure they’re dating, and I notice things seem tense between them. My crush would put her head down a lot and they would playfully insult each other with a bit more bite. They didn’t hang around each other as much as they used to, etc. I was just really picking up on some vibes. Eventually things seem to settle down a bit buts it’s the end of the year already and they’re graduating and stuff.

All three of us ended up doing this program at a university that lets kids work with scientists and learn about stem etc. we each work in different labs so we don’t see each other everyday but the group gets together like 1-2 times a week. During these, I notice that they just don’t seem as close, like they didn’t sit next to each other, phone lock screens aren’t each other, crush’s name in maybe gfs phone is her full name not nick name (though this could have always been that, I’m not sure), my crush no longer apologizes or cares as much if maybe gf gets a little mad (which she gets easily). Taking this with the tension before school got out into consideration, I figure that they must have broken up. Cool cool, maybe I have a chance but also she’s moving across the state for college in a month so :/

That brings us to the grand finale: today. So I have no idea really if they have broken up or if they were even together in the first place. But then maybe gf mentions that she is now dating this guy (which I approve of, he’s super sweet). I kinda suspected bc a picture of him was her lock screen, they had been hanging out a lot, initials in insta bios (which Ik should be a dead give away but she once said that she hates how people assumed that her and this other guy were together when she was dating her gf do I didn’t wanna assume anything) and I was like ah ha! At lest Ik that they aren’t dating now if they ever did in the first place. She invites me to come hang out with her, her bf and another couple that I’m good friends with tomorrow. So after I get home, partly bc I don’t wanna be the only single person there, partly bc I wanna see if I can weasel out the truth, and partly bc I may have day dreamed about us being all coupley too and maybe a kiss (oh how I wish). I text her and ask if my crush can come too so I’m not the only single person there. She texts back saying that it would be a good idea. So I figure it’s now or never so I ask if it’s bc they dated. She originally says no but then says admits that yes they dated but she broke up with her and they are still friends.

She basically says that she broke up with her bc she’s not ready to be out bc she doesn’t wanna lose some of her friends, wants to be normal, etc. she’s always been insecure, so it’s not too surprising for me. I sincerely hope that one day she reaches a place where she can be herself and not worry. I also feel bad for my crush bc I have a feeling that she’s probably still pretty hurt over it and I wish her the best too. I’m not gonna try to like make a move or anything bc a. I have no idea how long it’s been since the breakup and how she feels about it b. I’ve already expressed feelings so I don’t wanna be that person who keeps pusing after they’re rejected c. She’s moving like 6 hours away in a month

All in all I’m super surprised that I actually picked up on the fact that they were dating and had broken up bc I’m am not very emotionally intelligent at all. Honestly I doubt I would have picked up on much if I was paying such close attention bc of my crush. I spent like an hour+ writing this I can’t believe I actually had so much to say and it makes my life seem much more dramatic that it is. Thank you if you actually read all this or have kept up with my woes in the slightest bye

#i was gonna stufy chinese but i wrote this novel instead #me

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shanceshancerevolution · 7 years ago

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shance high school romcom

shiro is the star quarterback in the top 10 students with the highest gpa, and lance is a cellist whose grades are kind of slipping because he spends the majority of his free time practicing.

halfway through the football season as a junior, shiro sustains a brutal injury to his arm and must spend a lot of time recovering so he can play again next year as a senior for the last time. on the off season, shiro works as an after-school tutor in the library and decides to jump on that early since he can't do much else. that november, lance, who is in the same year as shiro, happens to come in for help. he’s really stubborn about admitting he needs help, but keeps coming back anyway because even if he's the best musician in the county, his talents and skills alone won't help him get into college. he needs to raise his grades if he wants a chance at a fancy music school.

at first, shiro is exasperated with lance’s whining but keeps telling himself he’s getting paid so he has to do this. besides, he really does like helping others. lance is just one of the few that are hard to work with. after spending a week helping lance, shiro starts to understand that lance’s bad study habits are the main obstacles keeping him from actively learning.

shiro makes a deal with him. if lance can improve his study habits to the point where his grades increase, shiro will pull some some strings so lance will be guaranteed a practice room throughout the entire next school year.

lance asks shiro how he can even do that but shiro winks and says he “has his ways”. and boy does that wink make lance feel some kind of way, not now gay thoughts. (in reality, shiro just knows how to use his position as the goody-two-shoes star athlete and model student to his advantage. also this is a high school romcom so anything goes)

lance, motivated by a year-long reserved practice room and shiro’s praise, slowly improves his study habits. they’re not perfect, but after a month of tutoring, lance already has better habits. obviously orchestra and spanish were already A’s, but his english and physics grades start rapidly improving. he could easily excel in other subjects, however...

“history is cool and all but, come on! does anyone really care about these dead cis white dudes?? and math isn’t even fun so what’s the point?”

shiro knows lance’s problem isn’t that he’s not smart, he just hasn’t been applying himself to reach his full potential. so he keeps encouraging lance and maybe starts to enjoy the way lance’s face lights up when he thanks shiro for helping him because he’s really starting to see results! and maybe enjoys it even more when they take breaks and lance rambles about his favorite pieces they’re playing for orchestra and lets slip that he's nervous-excited (but mostly nervous) about his brief solo in the orchestra's winter concert. shiro tells him he'll be great and wishes him good luck, effectively calming lance down for the moment. he makes plans to go to the concert, but decides to surprise lance.

it's the night of the concert and lance is so nervous that he might actually shit himself mid-performance, but the audience (and shiro) can't even tell.

shiro very quickly realizes how dazzling lance is on stage. his movements are effortlessly fluid and just the way he plays is so beautiful. shiro feels his mouth getting dryer and dryer with each passing second. and when lance plays his solo for the final piece, shiro's breath leaves him and he's suddenly struck by how stunning the other boy is. he's glowing from the stage lights and thriving off of the deep melody he produces from his cello. shiro's feelings at this point are pure admiration of and pride in lance. (never mind the fact that he can't deny that lance looks damn fantastic in a suit.) the song comes to an end and if shiro could applaud any louder than his injury allowed, he would.

after being congratulated by his family and literally every person he knows who attended the concert, lance finally catches a break outside. the multicolored rose bouquet (very obviously purchased from the little orchestra fundraising table in the school theatre's lobby but a sweet gesture nonetheless) proffered to lance is definitely a surprise, but even more so is the fact that it's from his tutor.

shiro is so much at a loss of words that all he can say to lance is, "you were amazing." he feels a bit inadequate at being unable to voice just how much he enjoyed lance's performance, but is rewarded with a smile as lance shyly accepts the bouquet and says a quiet "thanks." shiro coughs to hide how flustered that makes him feel and changes the subject by reminding lance to remember to study over winter break. "way to ruin the good vibes here, shirogane!" but he's still smiling. they decide then and there to exchange contact information in case lance has any homework questions for shiro over break.

homework related questions quickly turn into casual daily conversations. through text, shiro finds out lance's break is a flurry of nonstop holiday cheer and getting a little too turnt at the family new year party, but he manages to finish his break assignments before going back to school (for once in his life). shiro's break is less hectic, spent studying, going to physical therapy, and celebrating hanukkah and the new year. by the time they return from break, they're much closer than before and tutoring sessions feel more like study dates (between friends of course, not like date dates, they're just good friends in the library, studying like friends do). they laugh a lot more together and studying becomes fun for both of them, even getting shushed by other students. they accumulate a ton of inside jokes (lance finds out shiro is a closet meme lord and exploits the fuck out of that) and shout them out when they pass each other in the hallways.

by the time mid february rolls around, lance had solid A's and B's again. to celebrate, lance drags shiro along to the deserted orchestra room after school and tunes up his cello. after going through a few scales, the first thing lance plays for shiro is the john cena theme. shiro laughs so hard he cries. lance has never been more pleased with his decision to print out sheet music for a meme. from then on, study sessions always end with lance playing something for shiro, ranging from saint-saëns to actual cannibal shia labeouf, and always end with smiles.

one particularly cold afternoon in early march, shiro notices lance shivering in only a tshirt and can't help focusing on this. "cold?" "yeah, somehow thought it'd be warmer y'know? it's supposed to be spring, but i'll manage," and goes back to geometry formulas but shiro hears nothing past "yeah". he slips out of his letterman jacket and drapes it around lance's shoulders. every student in the library is seriously side eyeing them like smooth, shirogane, smooth. lance is so focused on the math that he kind of reflexively snuggles into the warmth of the jacket and it's so endearing that shiro finds himself full-body blushing. he doesn't know what to do with himself so he makes up having to leave early for some half assed excuse and tells lance he's sorry and that he can text him if he needs help.

15 minutes into slouching in his car in front of his house with his head pressed against the wheel, shiro receives a text.

u forgot ur jacket but dw i'll bring it tomorrow!

shiro buries his face in his hands. he's so cute??

thanks lance, i'll see you tomorrow :)

meanwhile, lance is no longer distracted by math and can only focus on this jacket and how warm it is and wow it really smells like shiro and it's so nice. he spends the rest of the day wearing it and dodges questions from his nosy family on where he got it. he tries and fails to not analyze every possibility of why shiro lent him is letterman and ends up getting very little sleep as his brain goes a mile a minute.

the walk to school the next day is colder than lance had anticipated so he bundles up in shiro's jacket, figuring he won't mind since he let him wear it the day before.

shiro nearly has a heart attack seeing lance walk up to him in the hall wearing his jacket again. luckily, lance doesn't seem to notice. he tries to return the jacket, but shiro notices him shiver as soon as he starts to take it off and insists he keep it for the day.

it continues like this until the weather warms enough that the jacket becomes too heavy, but lance is so used to having it by now that he just wraps it around his waist like an accessory. shiro doesn't complain.

they both know lance doesn't need the extra help anymore, but can't bring themselves to stop the system they have going together. they meet up and talk in the morning before first class, yell memes and jokes at each other in the hallways, study together during after-school tutoring, and hang out in the orchestra room (lance practices and shiro listens, sometimes does pt exercises). at one point, lance tells shiro he doesn't really need that solo practice room next year.

"i enjoy your company too much to give this up," he says between warmups.

"me too," is all shiro can say. to be perfectly honest, he forgot all about their deal. he's come to genuinely care for lance and wouldn't trade these moments with him for the world.

a few days before spring break, shiro finally works up the nerve to ask lance out but lance beats him to it. they're about to part ways for the day and shiro's silently pep talking himself when lance says, "hey, i was wondering if you maybe, possibly wanna go to the movies with me some time over break?"

"i would love you," shiro blurts. "i-i mean, i would love to!" fuck. fuck, fuck, what the fuck, takashi, what the fuck?

"oh, great!" lance flushes but doesn't mind the slip up. "we can talk details later. see you tomorrow, shiro!"

shiro's torn between screaming at himself for his fuck up and fist pumping because he has a date with lance. he waits until he gets home to do a strange combination of both. his moms don't ask.

when spring break is over, no student is surprised to see lance carrying his cello case in one hand and holding shiro's hand in his other.

#shance #text #admin yells into the void #shance romcom #high school au #it's almost 4am so please forgive me if anything seems off!#gn now lmao

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devonrunning · 6 years ago

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What I Learned at My First Real Coaching Session

I was so nervous leading up to this.

My first meeting with Coach Frank left me lacking confidence in my running ability, and a horrible cold left me flattened for a few weeks. I felt like I'd lost all my fitness. When I got dressed for the session, I realized it was the first time I'd put on workout clothes since our first meeting two weeks ago. And before that, it had been since mid-September. That's a big leap from working out six days a week for months at a time!

But my nerves dissipated as I walked onto the track on a beautiful, sunny Saturday and saw my coach finishing up with another client. She was a woman in her late 40s or early 50s, running at a slowish but steady pace. As she ran laps, I asked Coach Frank how long she'd been working with him. He said a few months. First, they worked on form and gait; now, speed.

In our initial meeting, he had mentioned some of the incredibly fast high-school track kids he coaches, so I was happy to see at least one other person who started with him from square one.

I was relieved to find out I wouldn’t be doing much running that day. Instead, we focused on learning 10-12 warmup drills that I should do before every run. I know from my high-school track days, Runner's World and every serious runner I follow on Instagram that I should warm up—yet I never do! Those days are over. It was so helpful to have Coach Frank walk me through each warmup drill so that I knew exactly what each one should look and feel like. We'll continue to work on them in upcoming sessions until he's confident I have them down.

Next, I ran one easy lap around the track—an effort of 4 on a scale of 1-10. I was happy to finish the lap feeling good and not sucking wind like I'd imagined. I could have done a few more! Also, nothing hurt—thank goodness.

Finally, we moved on to two form drills: one for my arms, and one focusing on legs.

Coach Frank told me that I waste energy holding my arms up higher than they need to be and swinging them across my body as I run. I learned to hold them just above my hips, keeping them bent at the elbow at a 90-degree angle as I swing them front to back (or "hip to pit," as he says) from my shoulders. Keeping my arms at that 90-degree angle is tough, since I'm used to flailing all over the place. It's a change that won't happen overnight. I'll have to practice, practice, practice until it eventually becomes second nature. I can't wait to see how this alone will change my running!

The final drill involved practicing an exaggerated version of the proper leg motion I should be doing while running; it also involved the arms a bit. It was like a four-step process in slow motion, and there was a lot to think about. I did it several times on each side as Coach Frank gave me correctional cues. With this, as well as the arm-swing drill, the more I overthought it, the worse I did. Every time I was able to relax and let things flow, that's when I did well. Isn't that so true of running, too?

I walked away from the track that day with exactly what I wanted: renewed hope and confidence for my running future. And I really like working with Coach Frank so far. He gave clear directions and gentle corrections, plus praise when I did well. He cracked a few jokes. I had fun learning from him! I've paid for a package that includes three more sessions, and then I'll figure out where to go from there.

I have so much work to do before I start training for another race. I'm signed up for the Orcas Island 25K (recap) again at the end of January, so I hope to be able to do that. And the Lake Sammamish Half (2018 recap) is in March, which I feel like is far enough away that I could be ready.

For now, Coach Frank told me to run no more than a few miles a few times a week, and to really focus on warming up properly, cooling down/stretching afterward and practicing the form drills three times per week.

At this point, I'm running zero miles per week because I'm still trying to get over my cold. I'm through the worst of it, but my coughs are still "productive" (gross) and I still have pressure in my sinuses to the point where my teeth hurt. I was feeling a lot better, but then had a pretty active weekend (pumpkin patch, coaching session, family photo shoot on a 40-degree morning) and by Monday felt like I'd taken two steps backward.

I'm really bummed that I'm missing the best month of fall running. The leaves are ablaze and the weather is beautiful. I guess I could be walking, but I've been resting as much as possible in the hopes that it will help me get healthy faster.

Plus, I'm actually enjoying being lazy. Maybe I'll just write off the rest of October and hop back on the workout/running train with—I hope—renewed energy in November.

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littleharpethcrossfit · 2 years ago

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Wednesday, 8 March, 2023.. Warmup.....DB Bench Press.... Snatch & Run.....Hang.

What appeared to be a lovely warm sunny morning was in fact very cool due to the wind.

Warmup:

5 Rounds

50 YD Sled Drag

5 Dips On Parallel Bars

Some refused this excellent warmup. Alicia learned the word RECALCITRANT, meaning a person with an obstinately uncooperative attitude.

Strength WOD:

Dumb-Bell Bench Press: 8 / 8 / 8 / 8 / 8

As Heavy As Possible

Dana did the heaviest Dumb Bells, going up to a set of 8 with 55 lb DBs.

Metabolic Conditioner:

5 Rounds

10 / 10 Dumb Bell Snatch (Choice of DB’s)

100m Front Rack Carry

Run 400 / Row-Ski 500 / Bike ERG 1000m

Everyone neglected to post results, but they ranged from about 20 to 30 minutes. There were many complaints about the Front Rack Carry’s.

Cool-Down:

4 Rounds

30 Seconds Hang From A Pull-Up Bar

30 Seconds Rest.

Notes:

A dozen people were here. 9 girls and 3 boys. Elisa/Alicia/Rachael/Sabrina/Linda/Sue/Dana/Angel/Kayla/Brandon/Joe/and me were in attendance. I hope I didn’t skip somebody.

Today was Kayla’s birthday. Sue produced a card and many gave a birthday blessing. There was no singing or spanking.

Let us know if you want a Spring Break workout next Wednesday. Many of you are out of town that week, but we will workout even if only a few of you want to.

Thursday at 4 PM with wine and snacks. Rain won’t stop us.

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ducksbellorum · 5 years ago

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Rock Force (listen/download)

a basic training mix in five parts - bct 2012 - arranged by ducksbellorum

Part I; Part II; Part III;

Bless the Lord Godspell Oh bless the Lord my soul His praise to thee proclaimed And all that is within me join To bless His holy name I used to sing this every Saturday. Because Saturdays were combatives. Now, combatives weren’t so bad themselves, but the warmups were hell. We did them once and that was plenty. They were a workout in themselves! So the news that we had like four more Saturdays of them was not well received. But bless the Lord my soul, it rained every Saturday after that first one. Combatives was canceled. It was our own little miracle. Of course, we had to do other crazy crap, but it wasn’t combatives! I Need A Dollar Aloe Bacc Bad times are coming and I reap what I don’t sow Well let me tell you somethin’, all that glitters ain’t gold It’s been a long, old, troubled, long old troublesome road And I’m looking for somebody come and help me carry this load There are SO many things you need at Basic: time, rest, water, food! But rarely is a dollar one of them. But you do need the help of your buddies, your 'battles’ to get through the days. But of course you do get paid for this, which I often forgot, but no one else did! I was singing this during weapons cleaning one day and it turns out one of my battles knows the singer. Cool! Grove Street Party Waka Flocka Flame I gotta a whole lot of money, bitches count it for me Bottle keep poppin’ that’s why the bad hoes jockin’ It’s a party It’s a party It’s a party It’s a party It’s a party It’s a party This because we actually had a drill sergeant reference this song We were doing night land nav and you know there’s always those stupid people who can’t follow directions. So they were running around being loud and acting like it was a big game. And when our drill sergeant caught them, he had them sing this while doing pushups. “You know Waka Flocka Flame? Then sing it, privates! Cause it’s all a party, isn’t it?!” :D Stronger Britney Spears Stronger, than yesterday Now it’s nothing but my way My loneliness ain’t killing me no more I’m stronger When you first get to Basic, most people think they can’t do it. We actually had a girl on the first day, first thing she said was 'I can’t fucking do it’. She marched beside me on graduation day. It is hard and you can’t do it when you first arrive. But every single day you learn a little more, get a little smarter and a little stronger. You learn to rely on your battle buddies, but you also learn how to take care of yourself. And pretty soon you’re marching across that field as an American soldier. Home Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes Ah, home, let me go home Home is wherever I’m with you Ah, home, let me go home Home is wherever I’m with you No matter if you were enjoying training or hating it, home was on all our minds. This was practically our platoon anthem. Sometimes it’d be silent, and then someone would start whistling and we’d all sing. All of us wanted to go home, wherever home was. Phone calls were gold and mail was silver. Any contact from outside was greatly coveted. Anything to help us remember that there was life waiting for us out there somewhere. Mama Said The Shirelles Mama said there’ll be days like this, There’ll be days like this my Mama said Mama said, mama said Hey! Don’t you worry As the cycle went on, we had more good days than bad. But there were always those days. Those horrid days where no one did right and we got smoked and yelled at every five seconds. We’d all be pissed off at each other and not speaking, then our bay leader would start singing this song. Most of the time we’d ignore her, but we all liked that she did it. Because it’s true, there are those days, but you’ve got to be patient and carry on. Feel So Close Calvin Harris And there’s no stopping us right now I feel so close to you right now I feel so close to you right now It’s a force field I got put on profile for five days around the fourth week. Knee strain, pretty bad too. I was limping for a while there. But anyway, the first day we went to a range everyone else had to march there and I had to ride the van. Not that I was complaining! I rode the van on the way back too, and this song came on the radio. And I just watched everyone marching along in front of us and thought, 'We’re going to remember each other for the rest of our lives. This is going to change all of us and these are the people that will stand alongside me during that change.’ I don’t know, I just felt like I was part of them, even though I was riding in the van. Captain Jack Captain Jack Hey yo Captain Jack Bring me back to the railroad track Gimme a gun in my hand I want to be a shootin’ man The beginning of white phase! Red phase, there’s lots of yelling and getting in trouble and you never do anything right. White phase there’s less total control, you get a little more freedom, and you get to start singing cadence on marches. The first time our drill sergeant tried to call cadence for us, we had no idea what was going on. But we picked it up pretty quick! Captain Jack is one of my favorite cadences. I believe this song says Air Force, but of course we say Army instead. :) Party in the USA Miley Cyrus Feel like hoppin’ on a flight, Back to my hometown tonight, Something stops me every time, The DJ plays my song and I feel alright Another song heard during motor move. Riding the bus to and from ranges was the only time we ever got to hear music. No matter what it was, we enjoyed it because it was music. When this came on, the whole bus groaned, but we were all singing it, it was hilarious. And because my mind works in weird ways, the song reminded me of us. Hop off the bus, not knowing anyone or anything, but then we hit our groove and we rock it anyway. Not that BCT’s a party, but we made do. Jesus Walks Kanye West God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don’t fail me now And I don’t think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs I want to talk to God but I’m afraid because we ain’t spoke in so long Aside from the obvious connotations of Jesus walking with us through BCT, this is actually on here for another reason. We were out at Victory Hammer about to do some night land nav and somehow ended up talking about Kanye West. Zack brought up Jesus Walks and next thing you know I’m dropping the beat and they’re rapping it. “Oh my God, listen to Daniel! Holy crap!” For some reason people think I’m a complete innocent.

#basic training #bct #us army #boot camp #rock force #this army life is crazy

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carnationbooks · 7 years ago

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Poppy Alexander Q&A

Back in March of this year, Carnation Books hosted an online party during which we watched a Bruins game with fanfiction author Poppy Alexander. Poppy, who is currently wowing us with her Sherlock Hockey AU Boyfriend Material, taught us about the game, gave us the scoop on her favorite team, and shared her thoughts on her fics and the writing process. We have reproduced portions of this conversation for our followers to read!

Note: The text below has been edited minimally and cut for length and clarity.

Lee:

So Poppy, have you been a Bruins fan your whole life?

PoppyAlexander:

My dad played hockey as a young kid and young man, and he took me to see the B's back at the old Boston Garden! I saw Cam Neely, Ray Bourque, so many greats. The '80s were great years for the B's. No Cups though.

It's currently the only thing my dad and I can relate on--other than his grandkids/my kids. We used to watch the UMass Lowell "chiefs" (now Lock Monsters), those games were local and cheap.

Lee:

Did something in particular inspire you to write Boyfriend Material?

PoppyAlexander:

I have wanted to write a Sherlock hockey AU since 2012. Sherlock as the goalie who reads the whole game, John as "captain"... so I've been cooking it up for a LONG time[...]

Sherlock is a much better goalie :3 [than Tim Thomas]. Sherlock is Tuukka Rask.

[...] John's career story (traded to get a Cup) is the story of a former Bruin (my FAVE), Ray Bourque, who played 22 years with the B's but had to go to Colorado to get his Cup. His playing is probably a bit like our man Tory Krug, though Krug is much younger than John is in the story. Especially since in his early years they didn't require helmets!

Kocur is Chara; tallest player in the league, veteran D. Thurston is Shawn Thornton, former Bruin now playing with FL Panthers, an enforcer. Bouchard is Patrice Bergeron, 37. Mellon is Brad Marchand, 63. Hatch is Tory Krug. Sawyer is Tyler Seguin, now playing for Dallas Stars, probably bisexual, so handsome, but too young for me. Gerhardt was former Bruin Dennis Seidenberg.

See if you can't google a pic of him with his shirt off and you'll see why John liked him.

[Someone in the chat points out Bruins goalie]

Yeah, watch Rask; that's Sherlock. Cool as a cucumber.

Gary_king:

Does an injury happen in the fic?? I imagine injuries are moderately common

PoppyAlexander:

No injuries in the fic tus far. Nothing to fight about yet. Nobody wants to take a penalty for no reason.

Lee:

Why do fights usually break out?

PoppyAlexander:

Breaks the other team's rhythm, the blue jackets and the stars like taking penalties for no reason (ugh bluejackets). sometimes as payback for a "bad" hit on one yr guys. sometimes personal beef (those usually come early in a game)

Sometimes team rivalries, like Bruins and Montreal Canadiens. Fights are nearly unheard of in the playoffs, though; can't spare the players for those penalties.

Colleen:

[...]it seems like goalies are so well loved.

PoppyAlexander:

Very well protected. I love a player puffing his chest at a guy who gets too close to his goalie.

Colleen:

[...] Do they tap Sherlock on the head?

PoppyAlexander:

Yeah, of course. Hockey ritual!

Lee:

Do you read any hockey RPF, or is that not your thing? A few of us ship the cute boys in the penguins, just for fun 😄

PoppyAlexander:

I do not read RPF.

Lee:

Before Boyfriend Material, which of your fics is your fav?

PoppyAlexander:

My special baby is always Dissolution: Our Plague Days. Doesn't get as much love because it's rated T. But I love it. I am mad proud of At Night in the Floating World. And Dawn Before the Rest of the World is my happy, safe, cozy place.

Lee:

What was your first fandom?

PoppyAlexander:

My first fandom was Duran Duran. Like in the sense of being a swoony lunatic about something. I started writing fic in 1984: self-insert/Mary Sue RPF where I was married to John Taylor. We didn't know it was called fanfic back then, though.

It was just "my story" that I wrote 1000+ pages of in five years. So I forgive the MarySue-ing.

My first online fandom was Morrissey, in the mid 'Aughties.

Lee:

How far in advance do you write the chapters for your fics?

PoppyAlexander:

[Boyfriend Material] I started posting when I'd written about 50k, and currently I'm about 30k ahead of where the posted chapters are. I write the draft, then "pretty up" each chapter right before posting. This was a "15k" fic when I conceived it. HA! It will be 100k+ It's a novel. This is what happens when you cook a story for five years

I have not had a chance to mention Sherlock's number in the fic… John wears 18. I wanted him to wear 19 because it's my favourite/lucky number, but then I put Sherlock in #22.

So when they stand together: 2218

Gotta get it in the fic; so far it's only in my head.

Lee:

Do you have any fandoms besides Hockey and Sherlock? 😄

PoppyAlexander:

Currently? Still and always The Smiths/Morrissey. Criminal Minds. RuPaul's Drag Race queens. Doctor Who before Moffat took it over and wrecked it.

Lee:

Do you have a favorite sex scene and a favorite fight scene, from any of your fics?

PoppyAlexander:

I love the Johnlockstrade threesome in Overwhelm. And John and Sherlock fighting/fucking in the church in Body and Blood. It's hot. SO. MANY. KINKS in one place. church, fighting, hate sex, rimming… it really has it all. Lol

Lee:

I know a lot of the guests are writers too--any tips for writing hot sex scenes? 😉

PoppyAlexander:

OMG, so many. My main tip is subscribe to my blog at PoppyAlexander.com because I'm starting twice-monthly "how to write" series of posts, beginning next week. And one subset of that will be how to write erotica. I think there are some key things.

Have a "word bank" that suits the tone of the fic.

Like, in my really rough smutty stuff I use "cock" and "prick" but in a softer, gauzy 'verse like the 1920s one, I used euphemisms like "length" and "hardness." If it's romantic, loving sex, they might rock or glide, but in lusty, dangerous sex they will thrust and shove.

I think having one strong POV is the key to keeping those pronouns straight. It's hard to explain, but if you're writing John's POV, and you're really in it, you'll kind of automatically make John the default he/him and Sherlock will most often be Sherlock. or vice versa or whoever.

Epithets are awful. Use their names, I promise it's better. It scans better, makes sense, is not distracting.

I also think it's important to engage all five senses.

Personally, as bad as epithets are transcribed non-word sounds? (Like "ngh") Say grunted, groaned, snorted, hummed, moaned. Oh and Mm and Hm are OK, they're almost words. But ngh! is not sexy, in my opinion. But definitely check in with the sounds, the flavours, smells, temperature, texture… It enriches the scene. And those kinds of things can add to the tone. Like, if the sheets are scratchy and awful and omg I might be allergic to this detergent but my partner is RIGHT. THERE so I can't stop...

Lee:

Have you ever written with a partner, Poppy? Gary_King and I are writing partners and write together almost exclusively. Have you ever written a fic with someone else?

PoppyAlexander:

I have never written with a partner. I can't even imagine how it would work? Though there are a few writers I would say YES YES YES to and make it work, if they asked. No one has asked to collaborate, though, so. I wait.

Lee:

What's your editing process like?

PoppyAlexander:

Well, word processing is itself a kind of first-pass editing.

Write in a notebook with a pen sometime and you'll see what I mean.

But some of the best writing advice I EVER EVER got was to write the draft, start to finish, and at each writing session, DO NOT reread what you've written. That slowed me down so much, and I was constantly tweaking and tinkering. Now I just pick up where I left off.

My editing process is (for long fics) as each chapter is ready to post, it gets a last going-over.

If I have some kind of big epiphany about a scene I already drafted, that will have a major impact on things, or is a big rewrite, I'll go back to it when I think of it and work that scene.

But mostly I just write from start to finish, then go back to the beginning and rewrite.

I don’t work with a beta reader. Every upside-down bit of writing that says "Trust Issues Continue" ever, is about me. So that's not my jam.

Lee:

[...] Do you ever worry that you'll run out of steam on a fic? How do you keep your motivation going, or what keeps you going?

PoppyAlexander:

I worry more that quality starts to suffer in the third act because one does start to get itchy. You can see the end from there, you know how it's going to end, often writing the climax is challenging, and you have ideas for other things you've back-burnered and really want to get to. So that last third can get shaky if you're not careful.

Lee:

Do you juggle multiple stories or finish one at a time?

PoppyAlexander:

For some people working on multiple projects works. It does not work for me.

That can turn into seventeen awesome beginnings, thirteen middles, and zero endings.

I do have one other open WIP, a short one-shot, that I work on now and then for fun and will post when it's done, but I work on one thing at a time, no matter the length.

The exception is tumblr ficlets? I write those quite often to warm up for my writing session.

Like I wrote 10 of the 12 days of "Ficmas" on tumblr while I was writing Boyfriend Material, which is like 10k words together, not a small project, but it was not a priority.

And I haven't written the last two!

Lee:

Do you warm up every time you write?

PoppyAlexander:

Not really. I have rituals that lead to writing, and since scrolling tumblr is part of it, sometimes I end up writing a ficlet or an Ask answer or something, that's like a warmup.

But I have an established habit every evening, sit in the same place, at the same time, do the same stuff, and that time is sacred, and at 9:30ish, my body/brain knows it's time to write.

My productive hours are 9 - midnight. Most nights I write from 9:30 - 11.

If I'm stuck I might listen to a song that puts me in the right mindframe for the story, but I don't write to music. I prefer talking voices to music, so I turn on the TV, or use rainycafe.com .

But usually I just have it quiet if I'm at home. I like the noise of a coffee shop or whatever but I don't write out in the world much except during NaNoWriMo when my word goals are higher.

Lee:

Sometimes when you write for a fandom as big as Sherlock, you worry your fics won't get seen. [...] Do you have any thoughts on building an audience (besides "write things good enough to make people subscribe to you")?

PoppyAlexander:

I actually do not think I get read that much, in Sherlock fandom. I have loyal readers.

But I don't think I'm that well known. Maybe I'm wrong. LOL. BUT.

To answer that, I'd say I'm a good self-promoter. I think being reliable is a big thing. People know I will finish my shit. I've never left a thing unfinished.

And I'm prolific because of the time I devote to writing.

So I guess just flood the market and bang your own drum.

Guest:

When you first started writing (anything), how did you push through the writer’s block (and, what I struggle with, plot failure)?

PoppyAlexander:

I don't believe in Writer's Block. Just do the thing. I have never felt blocked. I have felt discouraged. I have doubted the quality or direction of what I'm writing. But the only way out is through, so I just keep writing and the next bit will be easier/better, and I can fix this mess later. But I love writing. I look forward to it all day every day.

Crysceles:

You may have answered this before, but what do you think is your greatest motivation to write?

PoppyAlexander:

It's just my thing. I've written since I was a little kid, it's just… automatic. It's my art. I just love it. Of course, the wonderful thing about writing fic is instant gratification, feedback, and interaction with readers. I love that and wouldn't give it up.

Lee:

Do you outline?

PoppyAlexander:

I don't outline in the traditional sense but I make notes and stuff. I kind of write a "treatment" at the beginning so that I always know what's happening next or at least later.

I have a thing I'll be posting on the blog, but there's a three act romance structure I like. The Point of No Return is the plot point [at] the midpoint of Act Two.

You open in the Ordinary World (before I met you). Then there's the Call to Adventure (first meeting) Debate and Denial (Who are you?). A Threshold to Cross (beginning a relationship) throws the characters into Act Two. Progress/"Fun & Games" (getting to know you). The Point of No Return (a deeper commitment), then Complications and Higher Stakes (falling for you). Then we get the Black Moment/Whiff of Death (break up) that puts us into Act Three. the Final Push (winning you back) the Climax (the happy ending), and the Aftermath (together with you).

It's a reliable organizing tool for a love story.

Lee:

It's more of a framework/tool, rather than a formula?

PoppyAlexander:

Right, it's a framework. Like a skeleton.

Romance is formulaic, with a few exceptions, but having this skeleton to hang it on can help organize a story so it doesn't meander.

Lee:

Do you have any thoughts on writing a story about an existing relationship? Would you adapt the framework somehow?

PoppyAlexander:

Sure, ignore those parentheticals I put in there, such as "first meeting" and "breakup" and substitute in the plot points in your story that fit. Maybe the Call to Adventure is a partner being offered a job in a far off city and the threshold to cross is asking the partner to move with them. Then the progress/fun and games would be talking them into it. The point of no return would be them agreeing. the complication would be...their credits don't transfer or their mother gets sick...leading to the whiff of death, Can we survive long distance? etc etc. You can use the basic structure to tell any three act story, really.

Carnation Books thanks Poppy Alexander for taking the time to chat with us. We hope you all have enjoyed reading this Q&A, and will follow us for more author chats like this!

For more of Poppy’s work please find her on AO3, and on her blog at PoppyAlexander.com

#poppy alexander #poppyalexander #boyfriend material #sherlock #johnlock #fanfiction authors #Author Talk #authors #recs #Writing tips #on writing #carnation events #features

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rickhorrow · 6 years ago

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10 TO WATCH : 31819

RICK HORROW’S 10 TO WATCH : MAYORS EDITION

FOR THE WEEK OF MARCH 18

This week, we finally march into the Madness…with bets in hand. Last May, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the federal law that previously withheld legal sportsbooks to Nevada. According to Bloomberg, seven more states have now begun to allow betting, and a couple dozen others are considering to follow suit. Nationwide, operators’ gambling revenue could reach $6.5 billion by 2023, and bettors in New Jersey, where legalization arrived last June, are already wagering almost $400 million every month. Tens of millions of Americans who otherwise rarely bet on sports will fill out a March Madness bracket and put down $10 or $20 to enter a pool with friends or co-workers. This is where Action Network wants to convert these casual bettors into regular customers. Action Network offers detailed previews of each game, ranks which underdog teams are likely to make a deep run, and provides a service that will fill out brackets with optimized picks based on the number of entrants in a pool. Action Network says it’s averaged almost two million unique visitors per month over the past three months. If other sports betting companies can capitalize on mega events like March Madness, they too will bring in new fans to sports betting.

March Madness is a big stage for student athletes. It’s also a major opportunity for brands like Unilever. This year, Unilever's Dove Men+Care partnered with menswear designer Don C. on a line of limited-edition jerseys that celebrate college basketball rivalries, according to the company. The first March Madness jersey will pay homage to the Tobacco Road rivalry of North Carolina college basketball. Two other jerseys will roll out during March, and each vintage-inspired item blends elements of the featured teams' heritage and culture. Consumers can follow the conversation on the Dove Men+Care website or by searching the hashtag #ReptheRivalry on social media. Dove Men+Care also partnered with past basketball rivals, including former Duke University player Jay Williams and the University of North Carolina's Antawn Jamison, to inspire fans to #ReptheRivalry. The former players will wear the jerseys as part of the campaign. Another cool feature: the jerseys will be "dropped in surprise locations,” and available exclusively to rival fans and former opponents in the rivalries' markets.

This year, March Madness could cost employers over $13 billion. According to the annual study done by global outplacement and executive coaching firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc., every hour spent on games can cost employers $2.1 billion, for a total of $13.3 billion over the length of the tournament that will end with the NCAA National Championship game on April 8. Research done by staffing firm Office Team indicates that workers spent an average of 25.5 minutes of their workday on March Madness-related activities. And a survey by TSheets and QuickBooks showed that at least 48% of people participating in March Madness won their brackets during work hours. However, the basketball tournament can foster a little excitement among coworkers. “Streaming games during work hours, heading to a local restaurant to watch the games, filling out brackets or just discussing the games with co-workers will mean hours of distractions during the three-week tournament,” said Andrew Challenger, Vice President. But Challenger adds that employers should use the tournament games to build morale and not restrict employees. About 97 million people watched March Madness games last year, according to CBS – tens of millions of them during work hours.

The Raiders are officially staying in Oakland for the 2019 season thanks to a stadium lease extension. The Oakland-Alameda Coliseum Stadium Authority board at its latest meeting last Friday "voted unanimously to approve" the Raiders' lease extension at the venue for the 2019 season. The Raiders, according to the San Jose Mercury News, will pay $7.5 million, plus $750,000 they owe from "previous parking fees." The team "pays $525,000 for the practice facility and is allowed to continue using it for 36 months after relocating to Las Vegas." The agreement also includes an "option to stay" for the 2020 season in case the Raiders’ new $1.84 billion, 62,228-seat stadium in Las Vegas "isn’t ready next year." The deal comes on the heels of the latest proposal by fellow Coliseum tenants, MLB’s Oakland A’s, to build a new mixed use stadium on the Oakland waterfront that includes 3,000 housing units, with another 3,000 to be built on the current Oakland Coliseum site.

After a change in venue and some heavy investment from IMG, the Miami Open hopes to regain its premier status within tennis. Of late, the longstanding tournament has fallen behind the likes of the BNP Paribas Open in Indian Wells, the winner of tennis’ Tournament of the Year award every year since 2014. Now, with former top player James Blake in his second year as Miami Open tournament director and the relocation to Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens complete, the time is right for a revival. The Dolphins’ home was secured as the tournament’s new site by IMG after expansion plans at Key Biscayne were shuttered. The new venue sees its prime matches played on a 14,000-seat show court within the main stadium, with 29 additional new match and practice courts adjacent. Hard Rock also offers commercial upgrades on parking, hospitality, and fan engagement. IMG has invested $60 million in the ‘"festivalization" of the event, with as much as $10 million from the budget also reserved to renovate Crandon Park. With a new location and a new vision, Blake and his staff are looking to return the Miami Open to marquee status.

Members of the U.S. women's national soccer team have filed a gender discrimination lawsuit against U.S. Soccer. 28 players accused the federation of paying them far less and subjecting them to far worse working conditions, comprising travel, medical treatment, and field quality, than their male counterparts. It also "brings to the fore an issue that affects all women's sports, not just soccer,” as the New York Times noted. The suit has a precedent. After threatening to boycott the world championships in 2017, the U.S. women's hockey team received a new contract that paid each player more than $71,000 annually, a huge increase over the roughly $10,000 on average they had been making, along with travel accommodations and insurance coverage on par with the men's national team. "We feel a responsibility not only to stand up for what we know we deserve as athletes, but also for what we know is right," said USWNT co-captain Megan Rapinoe. This issue now becomes the dominant storyline leading up to the Women's World Cup, kicking off in June.

The Oklahoma City Thunder have signed a jersey patch sponsorship with Love’s Travel Stops & Country Stores, a deal that now puts jersey patches on all 30 NBA teams. Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but Oklahoma City-based Love’s is a longtime Thunder sponsor. The team premiered the patch over the weekend during a home loss against the Warriors. Other elements of the patch deal include media and social media as well as a community service component. Love’s Travel Stops counts about 500 retail locations in 42 states across the U.S. The family held company has also invested in sports sponsorships including NASCAR – Michael McDowell’s No. 34 Ford Fusion, Minor League Baseball, and collegiate teams. The Love family is worth $7.3 billion, according to Forbes. Overall, the NBA’s 30 different jersey patch deals have been estimated to average $9.3 million annually, with top ranked, big market teams obviously commanding a bigger price tag.

Minnesota Twins roll out monthly passes to fix 2018 attendance dip. According to SportsPro, the new “Twins Pass” initiative will allow fans to gain entry to the team’s Target Field for as little as $49 per month without a designated seat. What this means is that fans wanting a regular seat at the 39,500-capacity venue can pay $99 each month for a vantage point in the upper level, or a monthly $149 for a perch in the ballpark’s lower level. Fans wanting to watch the game with friends or family signed up to the same package can link their tickets using a “sit with friends” function built into the platform which is managed through the MLB Ballpark app. Following in the footsteps of the NBA champion Golden State Warriors, who last year introduced a first-of-its-kind “In the Building Pass,” the Twins are the latest U.S. sports franchise to roll out a monthly ticket offering. As stadiums are becoming smaller and OTT platforms are created, sports team are going to be forced to continually renovate their strategies to bring fans to live events.

ESPN is set to launch its own collegiate video game sports championship. According to Reuters, ESPN will hold its first-ever college championship for competitive video gaming later this May in Houston, where players will compete in five games: Overwatch, Hearthstone, StarCraft II, Heroes of the Storm, and Street Fighter V: Arcade Edition. College-level esports have been part of the sports overall expansion in recent years with colleges developing their own competitive teams as they would for traditional sports. Players will come from hundreds of North American schools that are currently competing in qualifying matches with portions of the qualifying rounds, as well as the championship, to be streamed globally. The Overwatch championship matches will even be streamed on Twitch – this offers a whole new opportunity for advertisers to capitalize in the bursting esports sector.

The Washington Capitals’ Go Green night raises $62,625 for charity. Monumental Sports & Entertainment’s foundation held the event for the Anacostia Watershed Society and the Washington Youth Garden. The auction featured autographed, limited edition green jerseys worn during the pregame warmups, autographed sticks wrapped with green tape, and autographed green Capitals pucks. According to nhl.com, T.J. Oshie's warmup jersey went for the highest bid at $3,750, followed by a team puck set at $3,200. The mission of the Anacostia Watershed Society is to protect and restore the Anacostia River while Washington Youth Garden nurtures curious minds and healthy bodies by connecting youth to food, the land and each other. Combining the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day with a charity movement is exactly what other NHL franchises should be doing to better demonstrate their charitable arm to the public while engaging fans at a higher rate.

#10 #10towatch

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

Text

WWEm - Formulaic Everyone-Gets-a-spot Multi-man Filler Material

It’s getting to look a lot like Wrestlemania...

Transmission date: Monday 27/Tuesday 28 March 2017

back on something approaching schedule for once (mania is in two days), let's crack open some FRIDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

i mean, technically mania weekend starts tonight with the hall of fame, but fuck that noise .

the standard wwe intro has been overriden by a dramatic wyatt-style video collage to taker's music .

because it's mania season, so we need to remind you that the undertaker is important and cool .

and then roll normal titles, slightly ruining the effect .

holy shit that's a lot of pyro .

like, even more than usual .

we're in the wells fargo centre in philadelphia, which a couple years ago would have been a big event venue, but now we're there for a warmup show

apparently the things tonight are seth signing a please-fuck-me-up form and brock and goldberg talking about absurdist theatre .

or possibly fighting .

who can say .

in any case, here's bayley .

oh, apparently they've made the 4-way an elimination match .

cole claims that making it elimination-style makes it harder for bayley to win, despite the fact that this is objectively untrue .

bayley opens with just doing some hype about mania .

she's so excited .

wearing an ultimate warrior shirt, stumbling over her words a lot, and pointing at the sign every other sentence .

starts talking about the match, hit charlotte's music

i get the feeling the whole show is going to be like this .

THESE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE THERE AND WHY YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THEM BE EXCITED KTHXBAI .

the bit of charlotte's top you can see under where her robe fastens looks like she's wearing the big gold belt .

wonder if that's intentional .

charlotte is here to talk smack about sasha for being the manipulative bitch

i thought we were meant to think john cena is, and bayley for being an adorable sucker .

charlotte pulls up a tweet from nxt-era bitch sasha to prove her point .

crowd take this as an opportunity for a punk chant for some reason .

and here comes sasha .

like the fuck are you doing that tweet was from 2015 catch up .

sasha's hair is even more purple than usual .

she gets a succinct bit about how her and bayley know how to separate friendship and business and they're gonna fight for the title, cue nia's totally unexpected entrance .

gets a crack at these three for trading the title .

charlotte does a crack about how nia even being there is sasha's fault, sasha goes for her, cue brawl .

apparently this will have resolved into a tag match by the end of this ad break .

but in the meantime, have this mania advert .

fuck off, pitbull .

we know it's this weekend .

(i can't lie, i actually really like that song) .

so yes, this is a match now .

which sasha and charlotte immediately take outside .

apparently this is "every women for themself" .

[sic] .

gj, cole .

nia tags in, sasha takes the inoki-school defence of 'just kick them in the fucking legs whenever possible' .

tag switch, charlotte commences to kicking the crap out bf bayley .

who runs away and tags in sasha .

not looking super strong as a champion there .

sasha's hair is so violently purple that it's making it look like my screen's screwing up .

i like it .

it's like sume kind of superpowered mega-purple .

hyperple .

ooh, single leg backbreaker hold from charlotte there .

not sure i've seen that one before .

i mean, it's no neville/ali match for cool new moves, but still .

(that match was so good) .

(seriously, watch 205) .

(just try not to think too hard about what happened to gran metalik) .

sasha dives off the apron to nia, gets caught, then nia kind of weirdly stumbles and knocks herself out .

NIA hurt itself in its confusion! .

meanwhile, bayley hits a bayley to belly for the pin .

her and sasha celebrate a bit, then nia coldcocks them, leg drops sasha, samoan drops bayley, bodychecks charlotte, and grabs the belt .

ooh, good heel heat there .

dramatic replay reminds us all that the bayley to belly is possibly the most underwhelming finisher in this company .

but now we have a recap package of Mr Rollins and his Superfluous Crutch .

oh, apparently that was a steel crutch .

do wrestling announcers know that there are other metals? .

everything is steel, gold, or nothing .

so yes, later we have the waiver .

after a prerecorded new day bit .

featuring xavier losing his motivation .

oh, it's a snickers advert .

and now we have a hall of fame package to remind us who everyone is this year .

no byron, nobody is going to watch the red carpet preshow .

you and maria menounos could be roasting the unacknowledged mcmahon child on a spit, i still wouldn't give a shit .

and now for...MORE RECAPS! .

this time, it's steph firing mick .

cut from that to charly interviewing sami? .

oh yeah, cos he was like his protégé .

apparently we have to continue mick's legacy and honour his memory .

dude, he's not dead .

and sami uses this as an intro to entering the andre battle royal and dedicating his victory to mick .

steph appears behind him like um excuse me what .

because we're now in the era when people have to earn matches .

so let's take this to its logical conclusion .

sami/owens later on, no dq, if sami wins he gets his battle royal spot, if not, he's fired .

perhaps a touch of an overreaction there, steph? .

but now it's cruiserweight time .

neville on announce in full glower mode .

jojo fucks up how you pronounce 'milwaukee' .

so yes, now we have austin aries vs Armcandy Supernova .

(he's getting that name change paperwork put through) .

(until then, it's noam dar) .

noam has had a haircut and/or a proper shave, and i'm finding his tiny baby face disconcerting .

yeah, it's definitely the stubble being gone .

neville's using his announce spot to make sure we all know how little of a hypothetical shit he gives about this match .

neville gives imaginary numbers of shits .

neville: 4i+3.7 shits given .

later neville is fighting jack .

austin does his pendulum elbow, doesn't bother with the theatrics because he knows he's got a hostile announce panel

apparently austin encapsulates everything that is wrong with american society .

alicia distracts austin to let him know how much she doesn't like his face .

(her words, not mine) .

austin hits a discus fivearm, then instead of going for a pin, shouts at neville and locks in the last chancery for the tap .

he hasn't done that for a while .

always nice when people have a spare finisher for drama .

austin gets on the turnbuckle and point at the sign, neville gets on the announce table and glowers, end segment .

now for some recap vids of last week's hhh interview .

seth is in the building .

walking backstage with a crutch he may or may not need .

so that's next .

but first, another taker video because THE UNDERTAKER IS TOTALLY AWESOME YOU GUYS .

but yes, now seth is here .

and the ring has sprouted carpet, office chairs, and a cheap table with the weirdest faux-marble finish .

that's kind of distracting, tbh .

seth gets in the ring, immediately calls out hunter, drops the mic .

there's only one mic on the table, which seems ill-prepared .

and here comes the man .

seth's new shirt also says kingslayer on it now .

hunter's pulled a mic from hammerspace .

lets seth know that if he attacks him instead of signing, the match is off .

and also he'll get fucked up .

so seth has to sit down and listen to hunter explain the forms .

god, i love paperwork drama .

seth refuses to sit down, hunter calls the match off and leaves .

gets as far as the ring steps before seth sits in the chair .

hunter comes back, calls him a good boy .

oooooooooooohhhhhhh .

and now he's going into graphic detail about the true extent of just how much he will fuck seth up on sunday .

and how little he will be able to sue people for it .

seth's like yeah dude i get the principle .

hunter is calling out the whole 'success=evil' paradigm that so much of wrestling is based one .

just like fuck you i have more money than god who needs to be a hero .

seth has not yet begun to give a shit .

hunter does a whole bit about how seth is crucifying his career and is not going to become the first one-legged man to win an ass-kicking contest .

which is an image that didn't need anywhere near as much explanation as he gave us just there .

seth's just like dude these are all things you've been telling me for years .

and blames hunter for ruining his self-respect .

seth stands up purely so he can point at the sign when he mentions mania .

seth makes it explicit that this whole angle is about his redemption .

which viewers with half an eye could have noticed .

seth challenges hunter to tear his leg off and beat him with it .

dude, don't give him ideas .

signs the paper, throws it at hunter .

so he kicks the table at him and stamps on his knee .

so unexpected .

side note: somebody needs to track down the guy on front row of hardcam with the IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL HHH HITS YOU WITH A CRUTCH sign and buy him several drinks .

hunter attempts to do just that, seth catches him with a lovely pele kick .

goes for a pedigree, hunter kicks him in the knee, tries to do it to him, gets thrown out, and seth gets the crutch as he scrabbles around on the floor .

that...didn't make a whole lot of sense, but hey .

let's roll on .

oh for fuck's sake, do we really need another in-depth video package dissecting the history of the goldberg/lesnar feud? .

if you haven't got it now... .

but this time they're splitting it up .

that was just about survivor series .

and now a superstar facts interstitial about how cool and totally relevant mark henry is .

and recaps on what happened with seth and hunter before we broke your train of thought with all these recaps .

guys, you can't call it a 'non-sanctioned match' and still have a big graphic advertising it .

great, there's the ugly-ass andre trophy .

and apparently now we have an over the rope challenge .

opening with show .

fucking hell .

i hate warmup shows .

could you tell .

show pauses to gaze deeply at the trophy .

possibly thinking it's a mirror .

hard to say .

and his opponent, jinder mahal .

but yeah, it's an over-the-top-rope gauntlet type thing .

bell rings, show immediately goes for the chokeslam .

either to seem intimidating or because he has no clue how pacing works .

brief scuffle, then show chokes him over the ropes and enter one bo dallas .

where the fuck have you been, bo .

your brother's had one of his episodes .

in the time it took me to type that, bo went out, now here are the shining stars .

both at once, because fuck the premise of this match .

flips them both out, are we done .

and they're followed by goldust, r-truth and curtis axel .

where the holy fuck are all these guys coming from .

they team up on him, along with everyone else coming back, and the seven get him over .

so he comes back in and either magic fists or chokeslams them all .

except golden truth, who run away .

show's music hits, then almost immediately gives way to

BRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHH

he's here with a mic to tell us how he could totally kick show's ass right now, but he isn't going to because he doesn't feel like it .

points at the sign, then leaves .

so what was the point of all that again? .

"look, guys, we still have an undercard!" .

but now, recaps of the enzo and cass/cesaro and sheamus/gallows and anderson situation .

and now the latter pair are being interviewed by Bland Dude #3 .

they're fighting enzo and cass later .

so cue gallows aping their shtick .

and now more taker videos .

GUYS THE UNDERTAKER IS COMING PLEASE LOVE HIM .

and isn't a wyatt at all .

official announcement that pitbull will be at mania to do this song .

cos god knows we haven't heard it enough .

but now, charly interviews roman about his reaction to all the taker bullshit .

roman doesn't believe in the undertaker .

which will make it very hard to defend against him, i feel .

and now we have the new day opening business at the new york stock exchange .

and arriving in philly just in time to distribute new day pops .

and we have a video diary .

in which they race up the rocky steps .

or kofi and xavier do, while e staggers up them eating bootyos .

and then he teleports to the top ahead of them .

Booty-O's: We Can't Guarantee Their Effects. .

brief announce segue, and now Mike Rohm (fuck, i knew i knew his name) interviews cesaro and sheamus

who are also carrying the torch for foley .

so gallows and anderson blindside them and hit them with a ladder .

like you do .

and bury cesaro in crates .

and cut away like welp guess that interview's done .

and now, more cruiserweightery .

neville/gallagher .

jack displaying a fantastic level of anti-glower .

him and neville may annihilate each other out of existence .

he's wearing his watermelon shorts again .

i am enjoying neville's new 'not today, bucko' thing .

neville kicks jack in the stomach, he sells in a way that suggests all laws of physics have been reversed .

neville rolls outside, jack retrieves william iii .

and crotch drops neville from the apron .

so neville just snaps him face-first into the turnbuckle .

seems fair .

don't ram your crotch into my face today, bucko .

and superplex into rings of saturn (still needs a new name) for the tap .

complete with one of jack's amazing submission faces .

corey makes a hugely extended mary poppins joke .

cut to an austin aries news network special broadcast .

it's austin investigating neville's claim that nobody wants austin to win .

so he's asking the new day .

who try and get him to grind with them .

so he does a whole thing like guys i'm a serious journalist .

and then does it anyway .

so the new day endorse him .

now there's a terrifying comedic partnership .

cut to roman mooning around backstage .

apparently he's next .

but not in the goldberg way .

announcement from cena on the today show, about his tag match .

which is smackdown, but whatever .

apparently al roker is going to be their special ring announcer .

i'll be honest, i can't really remember who that is .

so i'll use this brockberg video to look .

and now i know .

but now, here's roman .

is there more stuff i can go and look up instead .

roman, the point of this segment is so you can say words .

the mic has a function .

this shit is why raw is three hours long .

loving the TRADE REIGNS TO TNA signs .

plural .

he mentions winning the rumble, gets even more heel heat .

i'm guessing he's actively going for smug shitheel at this point? .

promising to bring taker down .

claims this is his house .

which does suggest that paige isn't coming back .

or we could have a whole inheritance crisis story .

"this is my house, because this is my yard." .

huh? .

BONG .

taker is only here in the form of a video .

of him digging graves and grimly prophesying roman's death .

we can only hope .

jfc can people stop fitting 'ultimate thrill ride' into every other sentence .

badly-carved gravestone, only has roman's death date on for some reasons .

cmon guys, you could google it .

video ends, BONGs resume .

lights stay down for a bit, then flick up with taker right behind roman .

it's how i like to travel between rooms .

he's here to finish the sentence he didn't in the vt .

dude, it's your catchphrase, we knew where you were going with it .

roman just stands there and does some solid b+ glower .

taker brings the lights back down, more BONGage, and ad break .

network shill about all the cool mania week stuff .

and also bring it to the table and the hall of fame .

and now, we have enzo and cass fighting gallows and anderson .

lucky us .

enzo's wearing a hat and shouting his shtick directly into the faces of children .

your babyfaces, people .

also a nasty white jacket with what looks like the nandos chicken on the back .

enzo starts a spiel, cass steals his hat and continues it .

does lists of the word 'practice' while enzo fills in shouts .

ultimate thrill ride, take a shot of something not nearly as cool as the people around you say it is .

(i'm thinking cuervo) .

anderson and gallows come in halfway through cass spelling it out for us .

and cesaro and sheamus hit them with a ladder .

cesaro's shoulder tape is gone, but his waist is bandaged .

i don't understand his physiology .

and then they beat enzo and cass with the ladder too .

until it backfires .

i like their whole tweener thing, tbh .

gallows and anderson recover, hit cass with the ladder .

and cesaro .

there's only one weapon and they're all just waiting their turn to use it .

they hit enzo off the turnbuckle with it, wolfpac hands, end .

god, i hate pre-mania episodes .

but now, women's history month .

in which some dude talks about maya angelou .

and i sigh so hard i need to clean my lungs off my keyboard .

ugh .

and now charly interviews kevin backstage .

about his upcoming friend-murder matches .

kevin's just like NOPE not my friends you are wrong .

also addresses the whole bit about the real kevin owens last week .

agrees with him making fun of kevin for being a jericho fan, because jericho fans are idiots .

apparently tonight he's going to rip sami up like the list of jericho .

and this is a big opportunity for him to fuck sami up .

dude, you do that more than you eat breakfast .

but next, we have a video package about why the non-sanctioned yet official 3edgy5me match is important .

but first, a bit where we apparently should watch corey interviewing kurt angle on the network .

for which i need a gif of tozawa going NOPE .

but yeah, as advertised, a video package of the history of hunter/seth .

including a rare shot of hunter's douchebag ponytail .

which sounds like a new apple cultivar or something .

i'd narrate this, but it's literally just an edit of the entire storyline thus far .

previously on sweaty manfighting club... .

and any joke i could make, i've probably made it at the time .

but we've put metallica over it, so you know it's totally hardcore .

and sure, advertise the bray/randy match .

they really need to decide what the brand split meant .

oh wait, are we just listing all the matches at mania .

excellent padding .

music cuts to bubblegum pop as soon as we start talking about the women's matches .

sigh .

although they're also saying about corbin/ambrose in this section .

he is a pretty princess .

(you can decide who i meant) .

"It just doesn't get any bigger than the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal!" .

which is why we've left it until just before the hosts bbeing the new day in this list .

wow, this card is stacked .

hence the four-day event .

but now we have the murder match now .

which means that Brockberg III: Large Men Pant At Each Other must be our main event .

great .

during sami's intro, they talk about seth/hunter, and corey informs us all that self-loathing is fine if you get to ride in a private jet .

not even owning one, mind you, just riding in somebody's .

bell rings, and fuck the rest of this explanation because it's kevin/sami and you can fill in most of it .

sami goes for the barricade moonsault, kevin just pushes him off it and follows him into the crowd .

like fuck you dude this is hardcore .

starts smacking him into the announce table .

puts sami up on the stage, then learns that there might be something to the whole 'don't cede the high ground to your enemy' thing as he gets toped .

and ad break .

and we come back to kevin ddt'ing sami on the ring steps .

goes for the pin, rather than just murdering him or w/e .

sami counters a cannonball into an exploder, which is a nice little spot .

then goes for a torpedo ddt, and it's...not as good as normal? .

doesn't he usually go under the bottom rope? .

anyway, seemed sloppy .

kevin counters the helluva kick with a superkick into a frog splash .

sami kicks out anyway because he is filled with the spirit of foley .

(also DETERMINATION) .

kevin goes for a popup, sami counters into a blue thunder bomb .

feels like we haven't seen that in a while .

and now, here is samoa joe .

with a chair .

but also jericho .

uses his music to blindside joe and hit him with a chair .

gets shamelessly coldcocked by kevin, but sami manages to pull a rollup out of it for the win .

and then it devolves a bit .

we get to see chris beating kevin with a chair, which has been a long time coming .

joe and kevin retreat with their ragefaces .

chris lets us all know what happens when you betray chris jericho .

side note: i actually quite like the new sparkly jacket .

so yeah, kevin's finally on the list .

the camera tries to show us this, because steadicam guy has no clue what happens when you focus the camera on a white block .

up next, brockberg rolls on like an unstoppable boulder that will doom us all to misery and imminent death .

after an advert for 205 featuring tozawa/kendrick, which cheers me up more .

but yes .

now we have a bouncy man with a dick on his chest who would like you all to know about the controlled substances he has never taken in his life .

also paul .

philadelphia remains all about the ecw chants .

paul casually drops the word extreme into this bit to please the fans .

crowd can't decide whether to do goldberg or suplex city chants .

so most of them are just doing one then the other .

surprisingly civilised .

paul is never as entertaining as when he's actively and directly taking the piss out of fans .

apparently brock lusts after the universal title .

um .

guys .

it's a belt .

maybe don't have this conversation on live global tv .

getting mildly seasick as the steadicam tries to track with brock's swaying .

paul is promising a *"DAY-noo-MWAH" for this story .

fuck you, dude .

maximum heel heat achieved .

don't fuck with french in front of me .

someone does a goldberg chant, paul does a whole bit about it being the last one ever heard on raw .

does a whole thing about goldberg's impending death, starts doing the lord's prayer, then catches himself and does the kaddish instead .

nice moment .

paul's jew jokes are at their best when they're clever and no more than like one every couple months .

but yeah, goldberg's here now .

comes in like fuck it let's fight .

brock gets out fo the ring, bill catches him with a spear .

and then just goes and postures with the belt for a bit .

hit his music again, point at the belt and the sign, end of the show .

thanks for that, anticlimaxberg .

well, that was a shitty pre-mania episode .

join us after the cut for...wait, we get *two* of those every year now? .

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu .

-------------------------

rniture deals now on, at Crazy Selim's Ottoman Warehouse! .

wait, was that the wrong mic? .

i'm starting to understand why i have daniel to do this shit .

in any case, seeing as i'm here anyway (and so are all of you), let's have some SATURDAY MORNING SMACKDOWN! .

this may be displaying more enthusiasm than i have irl .

it's early (for me) and this is going to be another pre-mania setup show .

aaaaaaanyway .

let's fuck this cat .

kicking off with 100% all-natural bryan .

and the standard contract signing office chairs and shitty table .

bryan wants to know if we're ready for mania .

what if we said no? .

well, i guess he was just asking this roomful of people in richmond .

not all of us .

introduces shane, further proving he doesn't care about all of us .

so yeah, that's what this signing is .

the least hype match on a card that contains roman/taker .

aj's entrance music adequately expressing my feelings on this match .

i don't want none .

loving the guy behind shane with a sign saying WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO WET?? IS IT RAINING BACKSTAGE?? .

this crowd are still all about aj, despite him being the heel here .

cos, yknow, fuck shane giving himself mania matches .

i'd say we should just put him in with taker and end both those long-ass stupid runs, but WE ALREADY SHITTING DID THAT .

shane does a speech about how he founded smackdown to be the land of opportunity .

protip, shane: you are not george washington .

shane talks up how great aj is .

which only further emphasises how bullshit this angle is .

shane leads more styles chants, because this is a mania warmup show and we're already creatively bankrupt three minutes in .

shane calls aj out for being arrogant, which is a bit rich coming from a fucking mcmahon .

claims he'll beat aj if he doesn't give him everything he's got .

which is bullshit .

aj could beat him at 10% power .

while asleep .

aj's like dude this is a real wrestling match not your hardcore bullshit what cred do you possibly have .

which is fair .

just goes off on one like dude how many of these bullshit matches have you had .

when will you learn you can't wrestle .

lists people shane's fought for cheap pops .

how you doin .

signs, drops the mic, him and shane get all up in each other's business .

until bryan pulls them apart .

asks them to seal the deal with a handshake, disregarding the fact that they just signed a fucking contract .

aj just walks off .

nobody else gets to touch those lovely gloves .

so .

later we have wyatt/harper (hype) and more forbidden total bellas (not hype) .

or, as jbl called it "Total Divabellas" .

but next, becky/carmella .

medium hype .

after we do the announcement about pitbull again .

and we have alexa and mickie on announce .

mickie wearing new gear, so either her ring gear isn't the star sapphire uniform any more or this is just how she dresses .

enter an ellsworth .

to rile up the crowd .

which he is so good at .

nearly fucks up spelling fabulous .

gj, james .

side note: mauro is still non-existent .

i miss him .

this show could do with some bombast .

carmella pauses the match to give ellsworth her chewing gum .

whcih he eats, because of course .

chances of this match *not* ending in some kind of screwy brawl finish? .

alexa and micke start bitching at each other on announce .

so here we go .

and it escalates into fisticuffs .

shock .

mickie dumps alexa into the ring .

and then slaps carmella for the dq .

cue general brawl .

becky does...something to carmella, mick kick to alexa, they face off, ABRUPT AD BREAK .

during the break, shockingly, bryan made this into a tag match .

which presumably alexa will win because status quo before mania .

but hey, look at the usos .

and my general inability to call this shit .

alexa tags (and throws) carmella in, gets in a spat with ellsworth on the outside .

mickie tags in, kicks everyone .

there's a match happening, but the announce panel are far more interested in just talking about previous manias and this year's preshow .

great .

alexa takes mickie down, nattie's music drops .

she's back to the less-shit gear, so that's nice .

and now she's on announce .

so what, was she just late or something .

otunga just like ummmm why the fuck are you even here .

she gets off a crappy joke, rushes the ring, gets immediately laid out by becky .

and then ellsworth knocks becky over so carmella can get the pin .

and hit naomi's music .

fucking YES .

hits a massive hurricanrana on nattie halfway down the ramp, runs into the ring

fucks everybody up

gets a mic so she can share how fucking pumped she is .

(we can tell, naomi) .

she is officially back .

announces that she's entering the title match, despite the fact that she was in it .

by virtue of being a woman on the roster .

gets a crowd pop, dances the segment off .

as we drop the lights but don't turn the uv on for ages .

gj, guys .

cut to bryan on the phone to brie .

interrupted by breezy bella .

who wants to insert themself into the women's title match .

says no .

tyler takes off the wig, is joined by fandango .

they get sad that they won't be at mania, bryan offers them battle royal spots

and a space in a 10-man tag tonight

they get excessively enthusiastic and leave .

and cut away on bryan's face like what in the actual fuck just happened .

up next, more cursed bellas .

after snickers presents this clip of kane piledriving pete rose .

spoiler: this will not be even vaguely relevant to mania this year .

and an advert for all the mania week stuff .

so we get a blast of galaxy quest music .

god, won't it be a shame when we're past the hall of fame and i stop making that joke .

not that it's a joke .

it's just an actually true thing .

but yes, now we have a miz .

(and also une maryse) .

this time we actually get the full miztv intro .

which suggests other people may turn up .

shite, did we really need a previously montage? .

let's just get this crap over with .

annoyingly funny bit of miz!cena arguing with his cue card guy .

and now we have bryan and brie, also played by miz and maryse .

how long did this shit take to film .

miz!bryan is like something out of a fucking david lynch film .

marykki pops the question, BOOM, to be continued .

the crowd take a moment to realise we're back on camera .

and miz and maryse announce the ad break .

that's pleasingly meta .

and now let's have another video about why we should care about the hall of fame .

oh no, i missed it .

what a shame .

and we're back in the nightmare world .

this is like wrestling meets shitting Psychonauts .

miz!cena dramatically refuses and does a speech about how cena is a manipulative doombot who's afraid of the miz .

you know, i'm beginning to suspect this might all be staged .

apparently you can't see him because there's nothing there to see .

miz and maryse dramatically unmask, do a serious piece to camera about how they're going to destroy cena's career at mania .

miz is uncomfortably intense .

and actually swears .

i mean, they bleep it out, but still .

cut back to the arena, the crowd is split on whether to applaud or boo .

miz is about to say something, ABADOO .

forgoes shouting on stage to kiss nikki's forehead .

and *then* shout at the cameraman .

jesus, john .

what did the cameraman ever do to you .

they get to the ring, miz is like oh hey guys i was waiting for you to interrupt us .

cena's just like okay dude, that was actually pretty funny .

apart from the bit where you turned back into yourself .

cena's doing a whole bit about how miz and maryse believe their own ridiculous kayfabe, while cena knows he's a cartoon character .

have i mentioned how much i love self-aware cena? .

outright asks miz if he's high for thinking he'd jump brands .

solid point .

lists a bunch of superstars who took time off to do films .

including OH WAIT the miz .

but he's like okay at least you're doing something with your career - maryse, the fuck purpose fo you serve? .

we have a women's division and everything .

i'm honestly not used to agreeing with cena so much .

turns the whole using your wife to advance your career and not having kids thing on miz .

ah, dick joke .

i was wondering when that'd turn up .

the crowd is united in pro-cena chants .

this isn't a thing that happens .

this is cena at his best and miz and his douchiest .

cena comments on miz taking everything off and getting serious, takes everything off and gets serious .

(to clarify, cena is still wearing shorts) .

cena calls miz a pussy, producers have to cut the sound .

you can get away with that when you're cena .

likewise calling miz and maryse "the sh...it couple" .

i didn't know it was ok to swear on wwe tv if you had a stutter .

challenges miz to punch him .

and likewise maryse .

looooooong tense moment .

broken by miz and maryse backing out of the ring .

and then turning around to run back .

miz gets to the apron, maryse is asking him to come back .

brings him back up the ramp, cena hits dick joke 2: the dickening .

and nikki gets to do a questionable mic bit .

and her and cena make out .

which is apparently a heel tactic when miz and maryse do it .

ABADOO, end segment .

up next we have the 10-man tag match .

alpha/breezango/usos/slater and rhyno/dolph/mojo .

basically the tag division and spares .

i was about to clarify who was on each team, but there are five faces and five heels, do the maths .

and this is the segment where the announcers have to talk up how significant the andre battle royal is and how winning it unavoidably elevates your career

fact check: baron corbin lurks in alleyways and hits people with pipes for a living, the big show is the fucking big show, and cesaro has had kinesio tape on his shoulder for the last three years .

this match is pretty formulaic everyone-gets-a-spot multi-man filler material .

nice to see heath and rhyno getting an outing, though .

advert break, cut back to chad landing a lovely cross armbreaker on "one of the usos" .

good to see tom's paying as much attention as me .

fandango whips chad's face into the turnbuckle, just so we can agree to believe that he's mania material .

dramatic attempted hot tag slightly marred by the fact that as soon as he stops trying to tag out, chad is just fucking up whoever he's in with .

oh nooooooooooo can't quite reeeeeeeeeach okay let's suplex you to death .

can't reeeeeeeeeeach .

heath clears everyone out of the ring, dolph kicks him over the ropes, rhyno gores him and murders everyone .

tyler knocks him off the top rope, mojo broski boots him for the win .

nice memorial to zack there .

hey, anyone remember when tyelr breeze was a main eventer? .

sigh .

anyway, here's luke harper in his lightbulb room .

ranting about his personal freedom and epiphanies and snakes and such .

i am enjoying how he's turned face, but he's still as much of a backwoods serial killer as ever .

so apparently we have that match next .

which i'm guessing is the main event? .

after an advert for takeover .

for which i am SO FUCKING HYPE .

and now a segment with becky beating enzo and cass at shitty off-brand scrabble .

cass forgets how to spell sawft .

it's a snickers adverts .

these are actually pretty good, tbf .

way better than enzo trying to fuck some fried chicken, in any case .

and now we have the bit where the announcers list all the shit that's happening on mania and i have a nap .

just inserts the same criticisms i had before the cut .

except this time they have a picture of the lineup for the battle royal .

spoiler: it's everyone else .

tom tries to sell us the network, wyatt cut, otunga forgets his mic is on .

gj, guys .

so yeah, here comes a bray .

and a recap of his speech from last week .

long weird break that may or may not have been ads .

and a thing telling richmond to come back the next time they do smackdown .

and sheamus telling us not to smoke .

either this stream was edited badly, smackdown has fallen headfirst into its own shitty editing, or i just had an aneurysm .

anyway, we're back now .

enter the spirit of the woods .

and extreme closeups thereof .

and now he has a weird man bun going on? .

bad move, luke .

i'll be honest, it's pretty cool to see these two fighting .

harper's tidied up his outfit now he's a face .

harper's dropkicks are still way better than you'd thing they should be .

harper throws bray into the timekeepers, stands on the announce table for some reason .

cut for ads, and they've somehow managed to get back in the ring without being counted out .

whatever, wrestling .

uranage to two sentons by bray, luke kicks out despite presumably having no ribs left .

bray goes for him, harper catches him into the setup for sister abigail, bray gets out but luke hits no less than two fucking suicide dives into him on the announce table .

i know bray's going to win, but this offense phase from harper is outstanding .

bray goes for sister abigail, harper counters with a big boot and discus .

clothesline, goes for the pin, bray manages to get a hand on the ropes .

and then gets up and abigails him for the pin .

well, that was...abrupt .

which makes a certain narrative sense, given that it was 'man who's very good at wrestling' versus 'avatar of satan' .

you can do all the wrestling you like, but when he gets a hit in, you're fucked .

does the follow the buzzards thing, music goes weird, and now randy's on the tron .

at the ruins of the barn .

recapping things bray has said .

randy has bray's weird not-crucifix from last week .

drives it into abigail's grave .

which will apparently seal her power? .

this mythos is...let's go with conceptually muddy .

although for old-school pure will-based magic, it actually makes a lot of sense .

excuse me while i headcanon this angle into something that works .

meanwhile, wyatt-style randy cut (lots of snakes), end show .

and that's it for the main shows before mania .

i'll be on twitter for both shows this weekend, so see you there in just under twelve hours (or however long it is when this goes up) for takeover, and at an uncomfortably early time tomorrow evening for wrestlemarathon

i'm @waruce, btw .

and now to watch the shows I don't blog and/or advertise furniture for questionable Turkish men .

i swear, this is the last time i let daniel hook me up with job opportunities

#WWE #wwe smackdown #WWE Raw #Wrestling

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