#some stuff is extreme enough for me to go to the er or something like that kidney stone

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Anybody else have an instance where their shoulder was bent weird while doing something and it felt like it was out of place but you could still use it and popped it right back but now it does that same thing every once in awhile and you’re starting to wonder if you dislocated it and healed it wrong?

[sokoviansimp]

The Package

✒  Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒  Tags & Warnings: child taken by hydra, neglect

-lmk if im missing any

✒ A/N : I’m planning for this to be a series :) I’m open to requests or suggestions for other parts

✒ Summary: The team is sent off to retrieve a dangerous package from Hydra, instead they find a child. 

✒ Word Count: 3373

Masterlist | The Package AU | Part 2

“If all goes to plan, this should be textbook stuff,” Steve explained to the team waiting to unload from the Quinjet, “we get in, get the package, and then get out. Understood?” The team consisting of Wanda, Tony, Clint, and Nat all nodded on queue.

At that point, they felt the landing gear make contact with the ground just a couple miles out from the Hydra base they planned to invade. The exit door began to lift and they all filed out of the vehicle to get into position. Wanda and Tony took to the sky for surveillance while the other 3 followed behind on 2 motorcycles.

The plan was to be as discrete as they could for as long as possible. They knew it wouldn’t be a stealth mission, but to draw the least amount of attention until they had the package was ideal. 

Wanda took out the guards at the gate before they could trigger an alarm while Tony blasted the surveillance cameras. The ground team was free to move into the base, all was going according to plan. It didn’t take long for them to draw attention to themselves once they infiltrated the entrance. The opposing team sprung into action, sending as many goons as they could to slow down the invasion long enough to escape with what they needed most from a helicopter on the roof. 

Tony saw the blades of the helicopter slowly start to spin as they warmed up and quickly blasted them off with his repulser to prevent them from leaving. Quickly making his way to the helicopter to retrieve the package, that he assumed they were trying to escape with. 

“Oh, no you don’t” he quipped toward the scientists as he took them out and snatched their briefcase. 

“Steve, I’ve got the briefcase, time to boogie,” Tony exclaimed over the comms. 

“Briefcase?” Steve repeated, confused. 

“Yea, in my hand. Let’s go,”

“The package won’t fit in a briefcase, Tony.” Steve rebutted, “Does it say HS12?” 

The briefcase was silver and had no distinct markings on it other than the hydra symbol at the top adorning the combination lock, “er- no, but they were trying to leave with it so I just-” 

“Keep looking Stark” Steve commanded. 

Going through the same doors that the scientists came through on the roof, Wanda went in to search the building for the real package they were after. The only thing she knew about it, is that it’s labeled HS12 and it’s extremely dangerous. Making her way through the dimly lit halls of the base, she saw weapon labs labeled with a W and corresponding numbers. Initially, she went into one hoping to find what she was looking for but everything in the room began with a W so she knew she was likely far off from her target. 

Coming up empty handed she decided to ask for help. The room that she went into initially was empty, so she found one that wasn’t, “Excuse me?” she said with feigned innocence, “I’m looking for something specific, can one of you help me?” 

The scientists tried to scurry away knowing exactly who they were speaking with. Wanda Maximoff was spoken about widely throughout Hydra, she was one of their greatest successes after all. With little effort; Wanda trapped the men in the room with her, locking the doors shut with her magic, “HS12, Where can I find it?” Wanda sternly queried, she hated being back in the house of hydra after being experimented on by the same people just a couple of years prior. Reminding herself that she was a misinformed volunteer helped quell the hatred she held for them in her soul. Some of these people may be of the same fate, thinking they're changing the world for the better, only to be helping the wrong team. Or even worse, some of these people may not even have a choice in the matter at all. Doing work to protect a loved one from threats of torture or even death. 

As silence stained the room, she decided to give her audience some incentive to answer. Using her magic, she lifted the scientist with the most badges displayed on his lab coat up into the air. Judging by the badges, he’s likely been there a while, meaning he should have the information she’s seeking. While in her grasp, the red wisps moved up to his throat as they squeezed into each other, cutting off his oxygen supply, “I won’t ask again”

Merely seconds later, the scientist was already squirming, “th-” he tried to gasp out, Wanda loosened her hold on his throat just enough for him to speak the answer, “third fl- floor” he squealed out; desperate for air, and scared for his life. Wanda wasted no time, abruptly dropping the scientist to the linoleum tile that sat below him as she turned to head for the staircase. 

The entrance to the third floor from the stairwell was locked, needing a keycard for entry. The door read Authorized Personnel Only in bold red letters. This didn’t do anything to stop Wanda, as she blasted her magic through the door swinging it open. Similarly to the rooms on the upper floor, each one was labeled with HS and a corresponding number. The first door to her left reads HS37, so she continues down the hall to look for 12. The first chunk of rooms are empty, it isn’t until she gets down around 15 that she realizes they aren’t weapon rooms, they’re cells. Then it clicks; HS = Human Subject.

Her heartbeat picks up as her mind starts to conjure images of what type of monster could be waiting for her behind the door. Whatever it is, whoever it is, she’s sure she can handle it, in fact, she’s slightly relieved that she’s the one to find it because she’s probably best suited out of the current team to face a dangerous creature. With only a few doors between 15 and 12, she arrives quicker than her mind can prepare, so she stands there for a couple of seconds, inhaling deeply before blasting the locked door with her magic. 

As she enters, the building starts to tremble, shockwaves radiating from the room. She’s met with quite the opposite of what she was expecting, a small child scurrying to huddle into a fetal position in the corner of the room terrified of the stranger that just entered. Most of the time, people visiting your cell were unwelcomed, but at least they were familiar. Their visits often resulted in needles being poked into your arms which made you dread the sound of the hinges on the door. 

Wanda’s features immediately softened in an attempt to calm you, “Hi there, it’s ok malyshka, I’m not going to hurt you,” she gently assured 

You nuzzled your head deeper into your legs seeking any comfort you could get as tears threaten to spill from your eyelids. 

“Steve, you didn’t tell us HS12 is a child,” Wanda said angrily over the comms to the super soldier. 

“A what?!” Natasha chimed in confused

The increase of Wanda’s voice jarred your nerves even more, and it was noticeable by the way the shake of the building picked up. 

“Wanda, what’s your location?” Steve queried

“Third floor.”

“Stay there, we’re coming. Be careful, she’s dangerous.” Steve warned

Deciding not to heed Steve’s comment, Wanda continued on with her attempt to calm you down, “Shh, it’s ok. What’s your name?”

“y-y/n” you squeaked out

“Y/N, such a pretty name. I’m Wanda,”

“Wan-da?” you tested the name on your tongue, still unsure about the woman standing before you. 

“Yes!” she exclaimed excitedly, “I’m here to help you,” she conveyed with a genuine smile. Her brows raised slightly as she spoke.

“No poke?” you whimpered, wanting to trust Wanda because she felt motherly but still reluctant.

“No, no poke.” she reached for you, “come on.”

You hesitantly took her hand as you stood on grounded feet beneath you, “where we go?”

“Home,” Wanda assured

Confused, you furrowed your brows and looked at the redhead, “I no have home”

Hearing you utter the words broke her heart, not only the fact that it may be true, but it was the way you knew it to be true that left her heart in little pieces, “That’s going to change, dorogoy.” 

“No, no leave,” you shook your head side to side as you removed your hand from hers and backed up until you made contact with the wall, “I be good, no ouchies,” you stated, worrying what they would do to you if they caught you trying to leave. 

Wanda kneeled down to your level, “no one will hurt you, ill make sure of it.”

Within a couple of seconds, the rest of the team arrived at your doorway. Seeing Steve and Clint in the doorway was enough to send your nerves into overload. Men, in general, scared you, everyone that you recalled causing you harm had always been male so you were much less likely to trust them. Their suits and weapons only helped to give you more anxiety that they were there to cause you pain, “NO! PLEASE!” you screamed as sounds of stray items hitting the floor echoed through the hallways.

“Wanda, we have to get her out of here” Steve stated in a stoic tone 

“Y/N, I need you to calm down for me, can you do that? Look at me,” she said trying her best to diffuse the situation without subduing you. 

All you wanted to do was cry out for your mama, you wanted to be held and told it will all be ok but you knew that wasn’t an option. You lost your mother and she’s never coming back, no one was coming to help ease your emotions, you’re all on your own and you only have yourself to protect you.  

At that moment, a crack bellowed through the ceiling causing a chunk to fall above your head. Without a second thought, Clint drew an arrow from his quiver and shot straight through the debris, breaking it into smaller pieces in an effort to protect you. From your point of view, you saw a man draw an arrow on you and miss just above your head, who knows what he’d do next? 

The action, in an involuntary attempt to protect yourself, caused shockwaves to erupt from your tiny form as you squealed and folded in on yourself. The building had already started crumbling, but this was the final straw that rained trauma on every support in the structure.

With the building on the verge of swallowing you all whole and Wanda’s attempts to calm you falling short, she knew she had to stop you, for your own safety. The crimson tendrils of magic flew out from her fingers to seep directly into your mind, quelling your thoughts instantly and leaving you in restful sleep. The building stopped shaking the second you were out, some damage remained but the structure was still standing. As your legs gave out underneath you, Wanda was there to catch you from the impending floor and bring you straight into her arms, holding you tightly. 

Wanda held you in her arms the entire flight. How could someone do this to such an innocent child, she thought. A part of her felt guilty for ever being a part of an organization that would go to such great lengths. You were sleeping, but the dreams swirling around in your head were far from quiet. To be truthful, being asleep was one of your favorite things, you were free to explore your own imagination in 4 dimensions instead of being confined to the cell the Hydra held you captive in. 

Natasha, knowing how hard this must be for Wanda, made her way over to sit next to the Sokovian. She placed a reassuring hand on Wanda’s thigh to show her that she’s there for her while Wanda zoned out, deep in thought. 

“She’s lucky you found her,” Natasha gently stated.

“I just, I don’t understand how someone could hurt her,” Wanda sighed, “To look into that little face and lock her in a cell,” her bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to spill over but she held them back. 

“I know, but now we can make sure no one ever hurts her again,” Nat offered. 

Wanda pulled her lips together and lifted her cheeks slightly to form a neutral expression of acknowledgment. After a beat of silence, Natasha wrapped her left arm around the redhead. Wanda melted into the Russian next to her, allowing her head to lean back onto her chest, “I’m not giving her up to Fury,” Wanda whispered. 

“I know.”

When the team lands, they immediately bring you to the medbay and Tony gets to work on an inhibitor for your powers. They gather a little blood so they can run tests and the only reason Wanda even lets them is that you're asleep and won’t be bothered. Once they've released you from the medical unit, Wanda takes you to her room to get cleaned up. 

“Don’t get too attached, Maximoff. We have to give her to Fury,” Steve called out as Wanda ignored him and made her way up the stairs with you. 

She gently lays you on the bed as she leaves to start running the bath water. As the water fills, she returns to your side and begins to shake you gently. The redhead was nervous to wake you before Tony finished the inhibitor, but she was confident that she could soothe you enough for a bath, “Y/N” she hummed to your laying figure on the bed, as you began to stir awake, “wake up, malyshka, it’s tubby time” 

The words rang into your ears, and in your waking stupor, you imagined you were back in your home with your mother. You stretched your arms above your head before opening your eyes to the sight of a smiling redhead looming above you. The same one from your cell, she told you her name, what was it? Oh right!

“Wana” you blurted

“Yes! Wanda,” the sokovian punctuated the d in her name that you had missed, “Come little one, let’s get you all cleaned up,” she said taking you in her arms and bringing you both into the bathroom. 

To her surprise, you had no negative reaction to waking up in a completely different environment. You felt safe with Wanda, and the room you were in was so much nicer than the cell you had been confined to that you didn’t see a reason to be scared. 

“Where are we?” you questioned, knowing you were no longer at the Hydra base, or at least nowhere that you had ever seen. 

“We are at the Avengers Compound,” Wanda explained, “This is my bedroom,” she continued as she took your clothes off, plopping them in the laundry bin and getting you settled into the tub. 

“A-bengers?” 

“Yes, have you heard of them before, Y/N?” Wanda wondered how much you knew

“No, neber”

“Well, the Avengers are superheroes, they save people.”

You let the words sink in as Wanda lathered soap into a cloth, “Abengers saved me?” you tried putting the pieces together. 

“We did,” Wanda began, rubbing the soft soap-filled cloth along your shoulders, “and no one will ever hurt you again.” Your gaze traveled upward to meet hers as a small smile crept onto your face. 

The feeling of being in a bath again made you so happy. The last time you had a bath, you were with your mother. Just being in the tub again brought back feelings of comfort. Wanda took her time to be gentle with you as she knew it was going to be a long bath. You had so much grime build-up in your hair from being neglected in a cell that she wasn’t sure if it would be best to just cut it off. Even though you needed extreme cleaning, she didn’t want to overwhelm you on your first day either. As long as she could get you clean enough to feel comfortable she would accept it for the time being. 

You continue to learn more about the avengers throughout your bath as you asked Wanda lots of questions. Your personality was finally getting to show itself, after almost a year of being buried.

“Friday, can you ask Nat to bring Y/Ns clothes upstairs?” Wanda called out to the AI intercom, “Sure thing, Ms. Maximoff!” it quickly notated.

Your eyes widened and your face lifted at the robot's voice, “Who’s dat?” you pointed in the air to try and pinpoint the direction of the voice

“That is Friday, she’s like uh- a robot assistant”

It doesn’t take long for Natasha to arrive with your clothes, “How’d it go?” she asks peering into the bathroom before walking in. 

“It went great! Y/N did so well!” she says beaming you with the brightest smile. The two girls get you dressed and bring you back into the bedroom. 

“She's a weapon and she needs to be handed over to the right people.” the three of you overheard Steve’s take on your custody as you entered the common room in Wanda’s arms. The redhead felt your body tense up as soon as the other Avengers came into view, “it’s ok malyshka, no one will hurt you here” she whispered toward you in an attempt to calm the anxiety that she knew was brewing within you. You nuzzled into her neck in response, feeling safe in her hold. 

“She’s not a weapon, she’s a child,” Natasha cut into Steve’s conversation with Tony, better her than Wanda for Steve’s sake, “have some compassion, Rogers”

“-with unchecked powers that could destroy this planet” Steve added, 

“So we keep them in check,” Nat stated without hesitation. 

“You’re not seriously considering keeping her here?” Steve shifted his weight to turn his attention to Natasha. 

“Why not? It’s the perfect place for her to learn how to control her powers.” A wave of relief washed over Wanda to see that she wasn’t the only one wanting to keep you around. 

“Because we aren’t running a daycare” Steve doesn’t let up, “She needs to be handed over to Fury.”

“Yea, well Wanda and I both know what it’s like to be experimented on at a young age, it’s not something you just get over. We have a real chance to give her a better life, teach her how to control her gifts, and make sure no one ever hurts her again.” 

“She’s staying here, and if Fury has an issue with that, he can come find me.” Wanda snarls as she walks through the common room with you toward the theatre.

Wanda sat you down in one of the La-Z-Boy chairs in the front row as she set up the movie, “any requests, malyshka?” wanda offered as she scrolled through some options on the screen

Your face lit up at the sight of the golden dog, “Doggy!” you exclaim with an outstretched arm towards the screen.

Your reaction causes a chuckle from Wanda, “Dug Days it is.” She smiled as she started the first episode.

The show had you on the edge of your seat, excited about what shenanigans the dog would be up to. It felt so good for you to finally be able to act like a kid again. You couldn’t help the thoughts swirling in the back of your brain of going back to the bad place. Before Wanda had a chance to start the next episode, you blurted out, ”Dey want me to leave?”

“What?”

“Da man, is he gonna make me leave?” you meet her gaze with doe wide eyes.

“No sweetie, this is your home now.” she gently assured you as she rubbed your back.

“Really? Home?” you tested the word once more now that it had real meaning to you. 

“Yes, come here” Wanda lifted the armrest that separated the two of you and wrapped her left arm around your shoulder allowing you to snuggle into her side as she clicked play on the next episode.

[helloalycia]

the Clarks [five] // alicia clark

summary: you go on a supply run with Alicia and things don't go to plan, leaving her extremely pissed off at you. It takes a reality check for you to understand why.

warning/s: mentions of the dead, injuries, weapons and violence.

author’s note: and this is the final part! such a fun one to write and i do hope the person who requested it liked it! kinda went overboard but you all know the drill with me by now 😂

one / two / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

After being busied by chores and odd jobs around the stadium and then eating lunch, it was soon time to go on the supply run with the others. Alicia and I met the other two residents by the truck out front and we all made sure we were armed before heading out.

"This strip mall we're heading to should be clear enough, but we haven't had a team check it out in a while, so everyone be on high alert," Alicia warned everyone on the drive over. "Only go after the essentials, if there's any left. Ideally, some more clothes and shoes – stuff like that."

Everybody agreed, a focus in mind, and it was silent the rest of the way. Eventually, we arrived at the abandoned strip mall and Alicia pulled up, the four of us splitting into twos. They took to one side as Alicia and I took to the other.

Unfortunately for me, my thoughts were still on Rick and Alicia earlier, their flirting engraved in my mind and my jealousy still in full throttle. I couldn't help but bring it up.

"So, Madison and I were talking about the new residents earlier," I started, trying to make it sound natural. "Lots of good people joining us, don't you think?"

Alicia hummed as she kept her eyes peeled. "Sure is. It's amazing how big our little community has become."

I nodded in agreement, my grip on my knife tightening. "Yeah. New girl Sally is pretty friendly. Her kid's cute, too."

"Aw, yeah, he's adorable!" Alicia agreed with a smile.

"Yeah... there's Rick, too. What do–" I cleared my throat nervously. "What d'you think of him?"

She thought to herself, distracted by looking into the shop windows. "He's nice enough, I suppose. A bit too flirty for my liking, but nice. Definitely skilled with a knife."

What did that mean? She didn't like his flirty-ness? She did? God's sake, I needed more than that.

"Why? Did he say something?" she asked with confusion, glancing over at me.

I perked up, meeting her confused eyes. "What? No, no. Just wondering. I, er, thought the same."

She began to smile, unsure what I was doing, but nodded. "Right... weirdo."

Thankfully, she got distracted by a small thrift store and nudged me to follow her, and the conversation was dropped. There was lots of options to pick from, since it wasn't looted to the bare bones like other stores were, so we gathered what we could and loaded the truck.

Between that and the few others store, we managed to gather quite a few supplies, odd assortments of things but all that would benefit the stadium in the long run. As we were heading back to the truck, Alicia slowed down to look in the window display of a jewellery store. It looked pretty banged up on the inside, no doubt one of the first places to be looted back when the outbreak began, but Alicia was still intrigued.

"There's probably nothing worthwhile in there," I told her, but she was still up close to the glass, smiling at the rings on display.

"It's still pretty to look at," she pointed out lightheartedly, shooting me a smile before returning her attention to the rings.

Something about how excited she was for the moment made me smile to myself and I couldn't just leave it like this. She clearly wanted it.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I suddenly said, straightening up and going to the door.

There was a couch blocking the doorway, clearly put there by whoever had been here last, but it wasn't going to stop me. I began to lean against it in an attempt to push it out the way.

"Y/N, what are you–? Stop it, what if there's someone in there?" she followed after me, half scolding me and half worried.

"Only one way to find out," I said with a shrug, before finding enough strength to shove the couch forward, and it hit the tiled floor with a loud bang.

"Y/N," Alicia groaned at all the noise, but I ignored her and stepped over the couch to let myself in, before yanking open the other door so she wouldn't have to.

"After you," I said playfully, stepping to the side.

She fixed me with a disapproving stare but walked in, looking around. It was ransacked in there, as expected, but there were a few pieces of jewellery still on the shelves. We took a look around, Alicia warming up once she studied the displays. I could have watched her all day, the beautiful smile on her lips that matched the dazzle in her eyes. Seeing her happy was my favourite thing, as lame as it sounded.

"Okay, maybe you weren't that stupid to come in here," she admitted as we looked around.

"Let's not forget why we came here in the first place," I said with a smile, before leading her to the display window. "This one, right?"

I pulled out the ring from the display, a simple silver band with a gemstone embedded within the the metal. Holding it out to her, I tried to put it on her finger, but it was huge and would have fallen right off if I didn't catch it.

"Well, that was short lived," she said with a sigh, before trying not to laugh as she met my eyes. "Thanks anyway, Y/N. It was a sweet thought."

Unimpressed, I shook my head. "No way. That can't be it." I looked around, before my eyes fell to the stock room in the back. "Aha! There's gotta be more stuff back there. Let me have a look."

"Y/N.”

"Just give me a sec," I told her, before taking the ring with me and heading to the door.

Luckily, it was unlocked and I was able to walk right into a small closet-sized space that had an old, wooden shelf against one wall, full of stock.

"Alicia, I might need you to help me because there's a–" I began to call to her, but I was cut off by intense snarling from my right, and then something grabbed me.

I let out a yelp when I realised it was an infected man, the limited light from the front of the store shining through the door and letting me see his horrendous face. He must have been hiding behind a shelf, too late for me to see, and I struggled against him in the small space.

"Y/N!" I heard Alicia call, but I couldn't reply because if I moved my attention away for even a second, I was sure I'd get bitten.

He was so close to me – hot breath and rancid smell blinding me and burning my nose – that I couldn't find an opening to stab him with the knife in my hand. As I took a swing, he toppled right into me, knocking me backwards and to the floor with a thud. My head took the brunt of it, dazing me momentarily, but the snapping face coming at mine brought me back to reality and I just about managed to grab my knife again, stabbing him in the head before he could do any damage.

A second passed and his snarling ceased and I sighed with relief, feeling dizzy in the head. That's when I heard the creaking coming from my feet, and when I shoved the infected off my body, it was too late. The shelf against the wall suddenly toppled over, everything falling off and hitting the floor around me before the heavy shelf itself landed right on my leg, making me scream at the impact.

"No, no, no, no," Alicia suddenly appeared, taking in the scene, before scrambling for her radio and calling the others. "Guys, I need you at the jewellery store now! Y/N's hurt."

I forced myself to sit up, wincing at the shelf that was trapping my leg, and didn't move another muscle because it was too painful.

"You're such an idiot!" Alicia shouted at me, before kneeling down to grab the shelf. "I told you not to come here!"

As she attempted to lift it, I let out another shout of pain because she wasn't strong enough by herself and it was only making it worse. My leg was definitely broken and I wanted to throw up at how strong the pain was, but I forced my eyes shut and tried to push it away.

"You're so fucking stupid!" she continued to curse me out, but the worry in her voice was obvious. "I told you there'd be infected here!"

As much as I loved a good grilling, my head was still throbbing from before and I was still feeling dizzy, leaning on my arm to steady myself in the spinning room.

Finally, the others turned up and, between the three of them, they managed to lift the shelf up long enough for me to crawl out of it. My leg was definitely fucked though.

Alicia rushed to my side to help me stand, but I was nauseous as soon as I did and couldn't say anything for fear I'd throw up there and then.

"You didn't get bitten, right?" she asked, panicked and checking my face and neck.

I shook my head slowly, leaning my weight against her. "I think I'm gonna pass out, Alicia..."

"Help me get her to the truck," Alicia ordered the others.

After making it back to the truck, just about, we drove back to the stadium speedily, each slight bump making my stomach turn and head throb. Before I knew it, I was in the medbay back at the stadium, being sat upright on a bed and struggling to ease the dizziness.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Nick asked a nurse we had.

A bright light was shone in both my eyes, irritating me, and then the nurse replied, "She's got a mild concussion. Possibly a broken leg. But she'll live."

Nick grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, and then my moment of peace was ruined when Alicia burst through the door with Madison in tow.

"You fucking fool!" Alicia suddenly snapped at me, glaring ferociously. "You could have died! And for what?! A fucking ring?!"

I winced at every word, her words ringing in my ear.

"She's concussed, Alicia," Nick told her sternly. "You're not helping!"

Alicia clenched her jaw, eyes full of tears, and after glaring at me once more, she left the room, slamming the door behind her. I jumped at the sound, surprised at how angry she was at me. Nick gave me a disapproving look but said nothing, and all I kept thinking was how badly I'd messed up.

After being checked out by the nurse fully and having some medication, I fell asleep with a broken but bandaged leg that I couldn't put weight on for a while. I woke up to Nick by my side, who immediately gave me some water and helped me sit upright.

The look he was giving me wasn't easy to ignore, so after downing my pills, I returned his stare.

"What?"

He blinked. "Y/N, what happened out there? Alicia is pissed."

I sighed, Alicia's angry expression imprinted in my mind. "We were at a jewellery store and I went in the back. There was an infected I didn't see, that's all. It got out of hand, but I handled it."

"Handled it?" he asked with exasperation. "You broke your leg and got a concussion!"

"Only a mild concussion," I corrected, before adding, "and I'm alive, aren't I?"

He shook his head, annoyed. "You have to be careful, you idiot. Your life isn't worth some stupid jewellery. Why were you even in there? We don't need that stuff here."

Feeling bad for worrying him, I said, "Alicia wanted to look and I just– I thought it would be nice, y'know? Make things feel a little normal again."

He sighed, his head in his hands. I frowned slightly, the guilt sinking in.

"Is she still mad? I asked, hoping she'd have cooled off by now.

"Uh-huh."

I chewed on my lip nervously, wondering how I'd get her to forgive me. Nick left to go and get Madison, who wanted to be called in when I'd woken up, and I hoped Alicia would stop by, too. But the blonde turned up alone.

"Madison," I breathed out, still happy to see her, even though she didn't look impressed.

"I'll save you the lecture," she began, taking my hand in hers, "but it was pretty stupid."

"I know," I agreed tiredly. "I'm sorry."

To my relief, she really did save me the lecture, instead squeezing my hand comfortingly.

"Is, er, is Alicia coming?" I asked lamely. "I wanted to apologise to her."

Madison smiled apologetically. "Maybe not so soon, hon. She's really angry."

"Right. I guess that's fair."

I had hoped to see Alicia over the next day when I was kept in the medbay, expecting her to at least visit me, even if it was just to shout at me, but she didn't. It stung a little, but I also felt horrible knowing that I'd pissed her off this much.

When I was finally allowed to leave, with the aid of some crutches, the first place I headed was to Alicia's quarters to pay her a visit. I knocked on nervously, anticipating what could happen, and then the door opened to reveal the Clark girl.

"Hey, remember me?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood, and she simply rolled her eyes, about to close the door in my face.

"Wait!" I said, sticking my crutch in the way, and she stopped.

"What?" she snapped, green eyes darkened with fury.

Losing my humour, I met her eyes. "You didn't visit me."

"If I did, I would have strangled you."

Licking my lips at the awkwardness, I said, "Alicia, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. But I thought you'd at least–"

I went quiet. Well, I thought she'd at least visit. She'd never been this mad before, not at me and not for something so minor. And the longer I fell quiet, the more her jaw clenched and she stared daggers into my eyes.

"Can we please just forget it happened?" I asked instead. "Move on?"

Without another second wasted, she said, "Whatever," then closed the door in my face.

I stared at it in awe, stunned at her behaviour. How could she still be mad at me, even after apologising?

Unsure what else to do, I left her place to go and sulk in the stadium's stands which were empty. What else could I possibly do for Alicia to forgive me? I understood I worried her, but I literally apologised and I was okay! She'd never been so mad at me before...

As I got lost in thoughts of the green-eyed girl, sulking and thinking and wondering what I could do, I almost missed Madison finding me and joining my side.

"You seen Alicia?" she asked, knowing I was going to talk to her daughter earlier. "How'd it go?"

I shook my head, still surprised at what occurred. "Not good at all. She's still so angry and I just– I don't understand why! It was an accident, Madison, and I apologised!"

Madison glanced at me from the seat beside me, quirking a brow, and I was even more confused.

"What?" I asked. What had I missed?

She sighed heavily, earning my attention, and looked me in the eyes. "Y/N, hon, I'm saying this with love," she started, "but you're so blind to what's in front of you."

Blind, and apparently lost too since I had no idea what she was talking about. She must have noticed, as she rolled her eyes with impatience.

"Alicia cares about you," she said in a knowing tone.

"I know that."

Closing her eyes with pursed lips, she waited a moment before clarifying, "No. She's in love with you, Y/N. She's been in love with you since you were kids. Of course she's angry, but she's mostly hurt. You almost died over something so stupid! Why else would she be like this?"

My jaw dropped as I stammered to find words. "What? She– what– how do you know that?"

Alicia being in love with me? There was no way that could be true. I refused to believe it.

"I know my daughter, very well," she said like it was obvious, before resting a hand on my knee. "And I know you, too. You feel the same, Y/N."

Immediately growing flustered, I avoided her eyes. She knew? How the hell did she know? I was certain I'd hidden it well. I couldn't have hidden it better!

Oh, God, she knew I was in love with her daughter.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed," she suddenly said with a quiet laugh, "it's okay!"

Horrified, I swallowed hard, knowing my face felt as hot as the sun right now. What did I even respond to that?

"I did think you'd have said something to her by now," Madison added. "It's a lot, I know. But, maybe, it's time you came clean and reassured her. Because, quite frankly, I'm sick of watching you both not do anything about it."

If Madison was right about me being in love with Alicia, then surely she was right about Alicia being in love with me? And if that were true, then... holy shit. I guess it made sense why Alicia was so angry at me – or upset, I now realised.

I couldn't find words, not when the confession was shocking me to the core, so I simply nodded slowly in response. At least Madison seemed to be okay with it, the whole me liking her daughter thing.

"You're gonna be fine," she assured me with a small smile, before squeezing my knee and getting up. "I'll leave you to it. Remember to rest your leg, Y/N."

It took me a while to accept the fact that maybe Madison had been right, myself reliving every interaction I'd ever had with Alicia since I met her, overanalysing and trying to gauge whether she may have cared about me like I did her. Two days to be exact, in which Alicia avoided me completely.

When I finally decided enough was enough, I went straight over to visit Alicia with the hope of finding enough courage to either tell her how I felt or get it out of her first. Clearly I was too scared to tell her myself all these years, so I wasn't too convinced it would go to plan.

I found her at her quarters again, an old dugout converted into a room for her, and knocked on as confidently as I could muster. As soon as she opened the door, her expression hardened and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"I just wanna talk," I said before she could think to close the door on me.

"About what exactly?" she asked, her anger still as fresh as it was from two days ago. "About how idiotic you were trying to get a ring?"

Remaining calm, I said, "I just wanted to get it for you, Alicia. Give you a sense of normalcy again and–"

"I didn't ask you to do that!" she exclaimed, before scoffing at me angrily and walking further into her room.

Reluctantly, I stepped inside and tried to defend myself. "I know you didn't, but I wanted to! You seemed to like the display and I thought–"

"I don't give a fuck about a ring!" she shouted, glaring at me, and this time her hurt was present. "It wasn't worth dying over! I care if you're fucking alive! That you're safe!"

The guilt returning yet again, I nodded in understanding. "You're right. I get it. I'm sorry, Alicia."

"No, you don't get it," she retorted, frustration being replaced with worry. "D'you know how– how scary it was watching you back there? Hearing you scream and then seeing you– fuck! Seeing you look so– so fragile? And now look at you! Walking on fucking crutches!"

I chose to stay quiet as she continued to rant, my guilt deepening as she spoke her fears aloud.

"You can be so careless sometimes!" she added, a frown on her lips and glassy eyes darting between mine. "Though, I suppose that's why you're Nick's friend, right? He does the same fucking thing!"

"I won't do it again," I promised her. "I'll think next time."

"Yeah, I hope so," she said bitterly, crossing her arms.

I watched her closely, searching for a semblance of what I hoped to find. "I didn't think you cared so much."

My nerves were creeping in and I so desperately hoped she'd admit her feelings first, so I wouldn't have to.

She looked at me, face flushing shyly before looking away and playing it cool. "Of course I do. You're family. And Nick's best friend."

I waited momentarily, wanting her to say it, but she didn't. And I foolishly couldn't. I was too scared to put myself out there, even after all this time.

Unable to hide my frown, I nodded. "That it?"

She met my gaze, confused. "What else?"

Now it was my turn to grow shy and embarrassed, and I looked away, feeling a little humiliated. It wasn't Alicia's fault at all – she couldn't help how I felt. And maybe Madison had gotten it wrong.

Changing the subject, I shook my head. "Never mind. Sorry again."

I turned to leave, feeling her eyes bore a hole in my back, and somehow I knew that when I walked out of this door, there would never be another chance to tell her how I felt. After all this time, even if she didn't feel the same, maybe I should have finally come clean like Madison said. If I did and we could get over it, maybe I could finally move on?

"Actually no," I said, suddenly feeling an adrenaline rush as I turned around to face her. "I'm not sorry."

She quirked a brow. "Excuse me?"

I sucked up a breath and held her gaze, despite a part of me wanting to leave and never speak again. "I'm not sorry. Not for trying to get that ring. For worrying you, yes, but not the ring."

"Wow, thanks," she said sarcastically, but I didn't let it get to me.

"You wanted that ring," I reminded her. "You looked in that store window and you saw something normal and I wanted to give it to you. I'm not sorry about that. I went in there for you and, yes, you didn't ask me to, Alicia, but you didn't need to. I wanted to! To make you happy, I would do anything. I thought you knew that by now, but maybe I didn't make it clear enough."

Her expression softened as her eyes widened slightly. "What are you saying?"

Now or never, right?

"I'm in love with you, Alicia," I stated with all the confidence left in me. "I have been, since we were kids and since I was old enough to know what love is. And I've been terrified to admit it aloud, especially to you, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. I didn't mean to worry your or upset you or make you so angry, you have to know that."

She didn't say anything as she seemed to digest my confession, and the longer she stared at me without any indication to how she was feeling, the more stupid I felt.

"I can get over it," I told her with a small smile, avoiding her eyes. "You don't need to take this on or anything. I just– I had to tell you. If I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry and you have every right to stop talking to me."

"No, just–" she started, and I held my breath as she struggled to speak. "You're in love with me?"

"...Yes."

"I'm in love with you," she admitted, and I could have sworn I misheard until she repeated, "I'm in love with you, too."

"You're in love with me."

"I am," she said softly. "Why didn't you– why didn't you say anything all this time?"

I raised my brows. "Me? Why didn't you?"

She scoffed. "Seriously? I'm your best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

"Exactly," I agreed. "You're my best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

Her eyes flickered between mine. "Like you did just now."

My heart was thumping so loudly I was surprised she couldn't hear it in the quiet of her room. Now what?

"I care about you a lot because I'm in love with you," she said, stepping forward and shakily lifting her hand to cup my cheek. "I don't want you doing stupid stuff that could get you killed. Especially not for me."

"If I had known it was dangerous, I wouldn't have gone in," I told her seriously. "I promised you I wouldn't leave you. I meant it."

She tensed her jaw as she lowered her hand, resting it on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I got so angry and upset. I shouldn't have reacted like that, especially after you got hurt. I just– seeing you like that and knowing it could have been worse, it just– It was frustrating. And I didn't know how to express that, not without revealing how I felt about you."

"Yeah, I kinda thought I fucked everything up when you didn't stop by for a visit," I said, in an attempt to lighten the mood, and it seemed to work as she cracked a small smile.

"I should have visited," she said apologetically. "And I should have told you how I felt."

"Me too," I said gently.

She looked at her hand on my shoulder, avoiding my eyes, and I couldn't stop staring at her as she did. She felt the same way. How could that be possible? How had I missed it?

"Now what?" she murmured.

"Now..." I paused, making her eyes flicker to mine momentarily, hopefully. And, still on a high from being able to admit the truth, I asked, "Can I kiss you?"

She pressed her lips together, nodding slowly, and then I leaned in before I could stop myself, wrapping my crutch and arm around her waist to pull her even close. Her figure fit perfectly in my arms; her lips were as soft as I could have imagined; her fingers left goosebumps across my skin where she caressed my cheek. This was all I'd ever wanted, and now I finally had it.

We pulled apart for air and I was afraid that if I opened my eyes, she wouldn't be there and I'd have imagined it all.

"Y/N?"

I opened my eyes, only to be submerged in golden-green. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I lifted an eyebrow. "For?"

She didn't falter as she said, "For being here for me all this time. For not leaving. For keeping your promise."

I stroked her waist with my thumb subconsciously, eyes flickering all over her face, committing it to memory, and then a smile curled on my lips. "You don't know how much you've done for me, do you? We're even, Alicia."

She began to smile too, making butterflies blossom in my chest, and then just like that, she pressed her lips to mine and I was in heaven once more.

Looks like Madison was right after all.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Deuce, Malleus: My Dream, to Defend

I now read everything Malleus says as extremely ominous and foreboding (knowing the context of book 7) 👨 THEY’RE ALL RED FLAGS 🚩, YOUR HONOR *proceeds to perpetuate the red flags by giving Malleus reasonably optimistic but also ominous-in-the-right-context dialogue*

Also??? Why are Ace and Deuce's faces on their birthday cards so similar 😂 They kinda match, even their Groovies (they kind of look like they're racing each other!)… cute

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What makes you glad you can use magic?”

Malleus paused, pondering the question. “What an odd inquiry.”

“For Malleus-senpai, yeah. You use magic for almost everything! It must be hard to just pick one thing about it that makes you go, 'I'm thankful for this!'. But for me…” Deuce tilted his head back, looking up to the structure that loomed over them.

It was the main building of the campus, housing numerous classrooms and offices. Regal and imposing, with several turreted towers and balconies, it was less an academic institution and more like a castle. A castle where dreams and wishes came true. Among them, his--if he worked hard enough.

"I'm happy that I got into Night Raven College," he said earnestly. "I never thought I had the magic potential to make it to a place like this, but here I am... standing at the steps."

Malleus's mouth curled. "What a surprise. Many of the students I've encountered here are the self-assured types. If I may ask... Why is it that you did not believe yourself worthy to stand among us here?"

"Long story short, I was kind of a delinquent back then. I'd use my magic to get up to no good. Y'know, laying the smackdown on anyone that talked shit or looked at me the wrong way."

"... 'Lay the smackdown'? 'Talked shit'? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with such colloquialisms."

"Er, it sounds really wrong hearing those words come from you... Basically, it means 'fighting' and, 'when people say bad things about you'. Got it?"

"I understand. Perhaps I will take care to incorporate such terms into my vocabulary. It may even make me appear more approachable to others."

"AHHHH!!!" Deuce startled, frantically waving his hands to silence his interviewer. "M-Maybe that's not such a good idea!! I think Sebek'd tackle me to the ground and kill me on the spot for teaching you bad words..."

"Fufufu, I jest."

"A-Are you really...?"

"Of course. Please, continue sharing your story." Malleus gestured for him to proceed. "Pray tell, why is it that you became entangled in such affairs?"

"Lots of stuff," Deuce said vaguely. "Mostly because I stood out. Didn't really fit in. It was easier to take out my frustrations on others than to work on myself.

"When my magic came to me, it was helpful to have in fights. It would drive some people off, and they'd leave me alone. They were scared of getting crushed again by a cauldron."

"Scared, you say... Hmm." Malleus looked pensive. "I see. So there are cases where non-mages feel threatened by the existence of mages."

"Huh?!" Deuce stared at him, eyes bulging. "That never occurred to you before, senpai?!"

"Magic comes naturally to me. It is capable of blessings and miracles. I cannot imagine why anyone would fear it."

"Well, I think it's because magic can do good things, but it can also do bad things.”

“Good and bad…” Malleus’s brows crinkled as the considered the thought, a finger to his chin.

Deuce’s stomach dropped at the sight. “Did I speak out of turn?! Y-You don’t have to listen to what I said if you don’t want to, senpai! Forget me, wh-what do I know anyway?!”

“… No, not at all. I was just thinking about your words. It reminds me of something my grandmother told me.”

“Eh, your grandma? Y-You don’t mean the queen of Briar Valley? I… reminded you of her?” Deuce squealed, afraid to speak her name.

“Yes, she.” Malleus’s eyes darkened, resembling a storm right before lightning struck. “Grandmother says that we Draconias were gifted with great powers—and with it, great responsibility to our people and their smiles. It is with this power that we are able to protect our country.

“Is it not similar for magic in general? The wielder is the one who determines whether one’s magic is used for ‘good’ or for ‘bad’ means. In which case… it is up to each of us to use what we have for ‘good’.”

“Draconia-senpai…!!” Deuce clutched a fist to his heart. A smile was at his lips, his eyes shining. “You get me!! I… I want to use my magic for things like that! To defend my friends and my family…!!”

“That is the way.” Malleus smirked, relishing in the newfound fire in his junior’s eyes. “The power to protect those you love is within your own hands. All you must do is shape it, guide it… and make that dream come true, regardless of the obstacles that may cross your path.”

“I’ll do my best!! If there’s one thing I know I’m good at, it’s being stubborn!”

“That kind of persistence is unique to you.” Malleus showed his teeth. “Take pride in that, Spade.”

"You bet I will!!"

"... Incidentally, how do you fare in Defense Magic?"

"Urk!!" The birthday boy visibly deflated--an indication of his answer. "N-Not the best... I studied as much as I could, but still barely passed my last exam. But don't worry about me, Draconia-senpai!!"

Deuce pointed at his temple. "I'll train my brain even more so I can get at least a C next time!!"

A C... so he means to say that he earned a D on his previous exam.

A low laugh rumbled out of Malleus. “How truly tenacious of you, Spade. I wish you the best of luck on that journey.”

He lifted a hand, fingers curling around the milky orb floating in the sky. The wind rustled upon his command, ushering in a cool breeze that chased off the bleating heat of summer.

“The birthday road, and your future, awaits.”

“Yes!! I’m on my way!!” Deuce eagerly mounted his broom. His knees were tucked together tightly, stiffly securing the handle.

“Ah, and Spade. One more thing.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“When the times comes,” Malleus said with an easy smile, “you are free to defend yourself against my magic.”

Deuce nearly fell off of his broom at the suggestion. “Whaaat?! There’s no way I’d be able to hold up against your magic…! I’ll be just a pile of ashes by the time you’re done with…”

He caught himself and stopped. A deep breath taken, and then he set his jaw. The peacock green of his eyes had dimmed into a shade more serious.

“… No. I… I just told you that I wanted to be the kind of guy who’s capable of defending the people he loves. That means no running away, even if I’m scared, even if I know I might not win! That’s my promise to myself.”

“Fufu, that’s what I like to hear. I will be expecting you sometime then.”

Deuce gulped. “Got it! I’ll face your challenge and my future… head-on!!”

FwooooOOOSH!!

A steady wind kicked up, starting small and growing into a powerful gale. Deuce yelped as his broom bucked forward, inching above the ground on only a few startled sparkles. He looked back in horror, only to find Malleus chuckling into a hand.

Had that been a magical push?

“Heh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” A wicked glint had surfaced in Deuce, from the eyes to his grin. “I’ll show you just how I ride…!”

Gripping the handle tightly, he leaned forward, bracing himself for a familiar rush. Height wasn’t his goal, but speed.

The world stilled. His senses sharpened, his thoughts growing louder, more insistent.

Imagine a magical wheel. Think of becoming one with the wind. So fast that you’re not yourself anymore.

He blasted off, a tornado of swirling blue petals left where he had once been. Flitting down lazily, drunken on the moonlight, they were the mark of a speed demon reborn.

The past, far behind him.

[cemetery-irises]

Blorbotagging the song again!! May repeat some of the points said before but I'm thinking of a different scenario than the original analysis now.

At the start of the breakdown, he's already starting to blurt out whatever's in his brain, but he's stable enough to lament the fact that it's happening. He wants to think about what he wants to say but his tongue is too loose for comfort.

This is his memory of him and The Hermit's "first meeting". Alva would likely slip up in his persona at some points since he already knows Luca extremely well, and already knowing Luca's name probably is something he overlooked at first, until Luca brought it up. Luca was probably scrambling to figure out if he'd actually met the Hermit before (he has, but not in the manor) until they realise Oh Shit I should ask him questions and stuff

Ironically, he remembers how Alva was more than he remembers himself, but he doesn't remember the right parts. He remembers Alva was an overwork-er who barely spent time apart from his invention, and Luca emulates that behaviour no matter how many times in the past Alva tried to make sure he didn't fall into that unhealthy pattern. He remembers Alva was smart, charming and comforting to be around, but he doesn't know how to be any of those, so he stumbles into his own way of doing it, no matter how un-alva-y he may be acting.

This fits him """stealing the manuscripts""" as I said before, but it also works for him scrambling to pick up the pieces of himself.

[I never meant to disappoint, I genuinely thought I was smart and charming unlike how I am now. / Am I like Alva now? I feel like there's so much I'm missing... Maybe I should r-read my diary. again. / If you compliment me on something, I'm going to do it over and over again. I need to do the things that people think I do well. I have to be perfect at what I like to do, right? Otherwise I'm not how I was. (I'll never be him I'll never be him I'll never be him never never never never—)]

{repeated lyrics but want to highlight the top and bottom lines specifically}

Luca idolises everyone he cares about, because "they all know who they are and what they're doing! T-their heads aren't broken! like mine! ...I-i should be proud of them, w-why am I... crying...?"

And the mask he puts on to reflect everyone, ESPECIALLY towards Alva, is mostly to try in vain to mask his brain damage. He doesn't want to look stupid, he doesn't want to feel stupid, please just let his words come out how he wants them to, please please please please PLEASE-

He's scared of Alva figuring out that his son is useless now, meanwhile Alva has already figured it out and disappointment in him is probably the FURTHEST emotion to what Alva feels.

This part of the song is a slow moment of relief before everything slams into him. He really will do whatever it takes. He tries to make himself steady but he sees Alva worried over him for no clear reason because "w-why are you so proud of me?! I-I'm broken!! I'm ruined!!!!"

He shatters.

He desperately tries to use the repetition to ground himself and get a good footing on his brain, but all it succeeds in is dragging him further and further and further down his spiral.

Eventually it somehow devolves further into a cascade of "like you" because he just wants Alva to understand how much he's fucking trying to be like them. Trying to be smart, loved, worth anything at all.

(also the final tight spiral at the end before he hits the bottom with the "how I just wanna be just like you, like you, like you, like you, like You, Like You, Like YOU, LIKE—")

god i am fucking. EATING THIS OLLIE ISTG /VVPOS

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Sorry if this starts a new thread but I am thinking so hard about the crew Jonny traveled with to Europe.... On average a voyage like that would take 6-10 weeks, if the weather treated them well. (It could even take longer, in the 1600s it would've been around three months even, but travel advanced a little by the Beauty and the Beast era obviously.) I'd assume the trip took at least two months, if not more, and Jonny was probably there for most of it if, when the ship went down, he was close enough to shore to wash up. (Also, need to talk about how so not fun being washed up from a ship wreck likely is... That boy is gonna be battered and bruised and broken, broken bones and cuts are so likely considering the waves and probable shore being more rocky than sandy, and he could've easily developed hypothermia and/or pneumonia. Just to throw in more angst or hurt comfort stuff with the realism.) Point being, he probably had a chance to get close with some or all of the crew.

Idk what kind of sailors these are, to be specific. I'm kinda ruling out government officials or any type of warship or military vessel, obviously. It was probably a type of merchant ship (meant to transport goods and sometimes passengers), and Jonny just stowed away because he was terrified hated the idea of being caught after killing his dad and stuff. I do think the idea of it being a pirate ship (it was likely during or right after the golden age of piracy when this all happened) is extremely funny, mainly if the crew was very chill. Also, while a merchant ship is more likely to me, a very chill pirate crew might have less qualms about a trans masc murdering twelve year old than a typical merchant ship crew (possibly, at least. Maybe the merchant crew it very cool, maybe the pirates are genuinely assholes instead). Also, pirates probably pose as normal merchants plenty.

Thinking specifically about Jonny knowing he's a boy, but never being allowed to change or express that with his birth parents. Everyone he killed (including his father) could've easily been when he was more femme presenting, so running away, he might now have a better chance as presenting more masculine, and it's kinda helpful to have a new identity when you're on the run from the law. Also, whether it cool pirates or very anti government merchants, the idea of certain crew members knowing this and helping him pass better is just..... gonna tear my heart out. (Picturing he had long hair that he messily chopped away at with a knife, and later on a crew member offering to clean the cut up a bit.... and it does kinda grow out during the trip but Jonny doesn't mind...... idk chewing and tearing at that.)

Just thinking about Jonny developing a close relationship with some of the crew... Feel like some of the crew members might not be the greatest but Jonny gets close with a select few on board. Just thinking about that only for it to be torn away before they reach land. Idk pissing myself off over something I made up in my brain... (its entirely possible for other people to survive the wreck, too, but how likely is it that Jonny knew they survived, or that anyone else knew Jonny did, you know?)

I dunno just going insane. Tagging partners in crime er writing @blazeismyname and @unsat-and-strange for y'alls thoughts

[syilcawrites]

1 word prompt: paragliding :) or whistle! or spices. pick what gets the creative juices flowing

congrats on 500!

This has been sitting in my inbox for so long.......... I'm so sorry for the extremely super duper long wait, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN IT!! I had major writer's block with this but today is the day I finally send u something!!!

Thank u nathaniacolver for the ask!!

Summary: Link and Zelda have been staying in Kakariko for a few days and crave a pumpkin-filled meal. After buying a pumpkin from Olkin and heading to High Produce Spirits for some spice, they run into the store owner's husband—Steen—Olkin's produce rival! In a desperate attempt to hide the pumpkin they bought, Zelda stuffs the small pumpkin under her shirt... causing a grave misunderstanding.

ao3

"We've got all sorts of pumpkins! Like ah… like this big ol' fortified pumpkin. And then there's this little one right here and-and this perfectly shaped fortified pumpkin over there in the corner. It's one of my bestsellers, promise."

Zelda blinks once, then twice, but her perfect smile remains unwavered on her face. "You have a delightful array of… of selections!" she says enthusiastically, "so much that it's hard to really choose… which one to get." Zelda nudges Link with her elbow.

"Oh, uh…" Link rubs the spot where Zelda had jabbed him. "No preference?" he murmurs to her. She shakes her head. "Yeeah… okay. We'll just go with this?" he says, picking up the closest pumpkin to them. He tilts his head at it, a small smile springing onto his face. "Heh, it kinda looks like you."

She raises her eyebrows at him, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?" Zelda huffs out, crouching down next to him to inspect what pumpkin he chose. It was one of the smaller ones in the garden, shaped cutely like a round oval–small enough that it would sit perfectly in between her two palms. Instead of responding to her, Link just grins.

"Ha! You've got a good eye!" Olkin chortles loudly. "They're much sweeter than the bigger ones. I'll give you a lil' discount and make it 15 rupees, whatd'ya say?"

"Sounds good to me." Link drops the rupees into Olkin's open hand. "Steen's not running you into the ground anymore, right? Did you two talk it out?"

"Meh," he responds with a shrug, rubbing his nose. "Once that old man stops selling carrots I'll start talkin' to him."

After a few more playful, friendly chatter, the two of them depart from Olkin's Pumpkin Farm to pick up a few spices and herbs from High Spirits Produce.

"Er... is it wise to bring the pumpkin with us into the store?" Zelda asks, grabbing Link's arm before they enter the store. "What if Trissa tells Steen we bought from Olkin? Remember the last time Steen found out we bought pumpkins from Olkin?" When they had walked into High Spirits Produce with a pumpkin in hand, and Steen had been in the store, he accused Link of being a two-timing-no-good customer.

"Oh-? Link? Zelda? Is that you?" a very familiar voice calls out from behind them. Link and Zelda simultaneously stiffen in response, goosebumps rising.

"O-oh! Steen!" Link swivels around, stepping in front of Zelda so that she's blocked from his view. "You're back early, was it a slow day selling your carrots?"

Of course Steen is right behind them!

"Just one of those days, Aha ha! Nothing to worry about though!"

Quickly, Zelda stuffs the pumpkin under her shirt and turns around, her body remaining hidden behind Link as she gives Steen a small smile. "I'm, ah, sure tomorrow will be better! I'm feeling quite ill, so... we'll be heading back..." Slowly, she turns back around and begins to trek her way up the incline with her hands tucked snug underneath the pumpkin hidden behind her shirt.

"Oh!"

Zelda freezes. She glances up to her left, and...

Trissa stands there, her eyes wide and her hands hiding her mouth in utter disbelief and surprise.

"Zelda are you- it can't be- you're pregnant??" Trissa practically screams, squealing in delight.

"P-" Zelda is too baffled to even finish the word as cold sweat forms on her skin. This cannot be happening, Zelda thinks, as she pales.

"Pregnant??" Link and Steen gasp in unison, as if Trissa screaming it isn't bad enough. Zelda's sure the whole village has heard them now.

"OhmyHylia!!" Trissa squeals again, jumping giddily to Zelda as she grabs her shoulders, squeezing them in delight. Zelda presses the pumpkin against her stomach with her dear life, eyes wide and lips pursed in utter shock. "Why didn't you say anything? I knew you two were an item! Honey, dear, look at her bump! You're not too far along, it seems!"

Steen takes no time in quickly jogging over to them with a silly grin on his face. Then, his hands reach out and- oh, if someone were to touch the bump they'd immediately know that it isn't...!

"Ah, darn. We really wanted to keep this a secret!"

Whatareyousaying?? Zelda, whose mind is currently gone to panic-mode-mush, stares at Link with wide eyes as he somehow pries her away from Steen and Trissa.

"Please don't tell anyone?" Link asks, smiling apologetically. "We don't want to give Impa a shock just yet."

"Oh, oh of course!" Trissa spews, grinning so genuine and happy that it makes Zelda feel like a terrible person. "Your secret is S-A-F-E with me and Steen, right darling??"

"Absolutely," Steen says immediately as he claps his hands together. "Trissa, go get one of everything from the store and give it to them! They're gonna need a lot more food with a third mouth joining!"

"Ah, no, please-" Zelda says weakly, but Trissa is already in and out of the store, hauling a whole bag of spices, food, and other goodies for them and hands them over to Link. Steen adds in a whole bundle of swift carrots into the bag as well.

"I added in some teas that will help with morning sickness," Trissa explains with a beaming smile. "Just pop some honey into them for some sweetness if it's too bitter!"

"Oh... thank... you..." Zelda manages to spit out. "I think- yes. I think Link and I must go, I feel terribly exhausted." She grips the sleeve of his shirt with one hand, tugging. She'll give them rupees for all the food later, but right now, every inch of her is screaming to get out of here immediately.

They say their goodbyes, and finally, when they separate from the lovely Sheikah couple and they're a good ways near the edge of the village, Zelda drops to a crouch and buries her head into her lap.

"Link," she mumbles, crumbling, pulling the innocent pumpkin out of her shirt and hugging it to her chest. "Whatarewegoingtodo???"

He bursts into laughter.

Zelda whips her head up at him, glaring, her face beginning to flush. "This isn't- this is a disaster!!" They both know that Steen and Trissa are the number one gossipers of Kakariko Village, there's just no way that they wouldn't spread it, and if Impa hears it...

He continues to laugh until he's gasping for air, clutching his stomach, and it sounds so raw and free that Zelda can't help but crack a smile because- well, the whole thing is awfully silly.

Still chuckling, he puts the bag of food down and helps her up, taking the pumpkin into his arms. He stares at it fondly as if it really is his child. "I guess we should think of a name, huh? For our unborn kiddo?"

Her cheeks warm at the thought of Link being a father and—

"Oh, enough of your silliness!" Zelda sputters, pinching his nose. She grabs the bag off from the ground and hauls it up, fully aware that her cheeks are probably as red as the ripe apples that grow in Kakariko Village. Unbeknownst of the calamity they had unleashed upon the small Sheikah clan for the coming days, they depart the village with a massive armful of delicious food.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

If Remus and Tonks were muggles how do you think they would be? Would Remus be a teacher? Would he be insecure about his relationship with Tonks? Would Tonks be a police officer or something like that??

(Also, do you plan in writing a Remadora muggle au one day? 👀)

This is an interesting question - I'd have to get really creative to make a Muggle AU work, and Muggle AUs don't interest me (sorry, I love magic too much!).

But if I were to imagine them as Muggles--Tonks would be more than a police officer. She'd be closer to CIA/FBI in the USA or MI5/MI6 in the UK.

Remus would have to have a really chronic, debilitating illness or some other condition to make him a social pariah. If it were the 80s, AIDS would be my first pick, but he would definitely die young because AIDS treatments were nonexistent back then unless you had tons of money (e.g. Magic Johnson).

Even a teacher would be too 'good' and 'normal' for a social outcast like him. I'd probably give him gig work, our modern-day Uber/Lyft drivers, odd jobs, delivery services, etc. Stuff he can do without being formally employed by anyone and he can pick up when he feels well.

I'd imagine he would be extremely insecure about his relationship with that sort of power imbalance. This is one of the reasons I would struggle with a Muggle AU. Magic puts them on a bit more of an equal playing field. It's something both of them have that they can be really good at, independently, that is valuable for the society they live in.

Without that sort of equalizer I have a hard time picturing a Muggle AU in which they work together.

It's not that being himself isn't enough for Tonks, but I think it would be too hard for Remus to be with her without something really strong they have in common/are equal in. Especially if we keep them as being born as a baby boomer/gen x-er, a baby boomer man (in general) is not going to do very well in a relationship like that.

At least with magic, he can bring something to the relationship and feel he's on equal footing with Tonks, even if nothing else is equal about them.

[desdinonniying]

US Pain management sexism bullshit

Background: My wife is trans. AMAB. That shouldn't matter, but it matters in certain medical stuff.

This rant will talk about sexism and maybe some transphobia, or at least people not being informed about trans stuff. And medical stupid stuff. And frustration.

I have a lot of issues with my time in this specific hospital and my treatment with kidney stones, but this rant is specifically about the sexism within pain management.

I have a history of kidney stones, between 2021 and 2022. Three stones. 2mm, 4mm, 2mm.

The first time I went to the ER, I didn't know if it was a stone or bowel blockage. I just knew I was in pain. Wife took me to the ER. Doc said it could be a kidney stone or diverticulitis. Thought diverticulitis was more likely because if it was a stone, I'd be "rolling on the bed in agony." I was still in pain, and they gave me IV morphine, took me for imaging. Morphine started wearing off, pain started coming back, and the nurse came in and declared it was a kidney stone and I'd be receiving pain meds that would be more effective for the condition - what I call extreme ibuprofen. Takes down the inflammation. Makes sense. They gave me some IV of that and eventually sent me home with more extreme ibuprofen and what was basically flomax - all to reduce inflammation and open up the ureters to make the stone pass easier.

I do have issues with that first visit, but pain-wise I think they took care of me.

Second stone was the following summer. I knew it was a stone because it was the same symptoms. I went to the ER and told them this. The only pain management they gave me was the IV ibuprofen. Ok, made sense. Sent home with the same stuff as last time, and followed up some days later with a urologist, who set me up to have an ultrasound in a few weeks to check stone progress.

Few weeks later, the pain again. Opposite side. Go to the ER. Explain the symptoms. They put me in a bed in the hall because no beds are available. Sucks, but whatever. It took over an hour for them to get me the IV ibuprofen and fluids. I get that they were busy, but I was in pain. I get scanned, they tell me that not only do I have a small stone on the side I was feeling pain, but the stone on the other side hadn't moved much, so I was to have surgery the next day.

I only had IV ibuprofen overnight. Had the surgery the next morning. Stents from urethra to ureter, bloody burning hellfire piss and kidney spasms for days. They gave me oxy, but it didn't touch the pain.

I found out via my mother that there's a specific medication that they have for this kind of surgery, specifically to relieve pain the the urethra for UTIs and post-surgery. I wasn't given this. I asked for it, but was told that I'm allowed to take over-the-counter Azo. I don't think it helped much, but it felt more effective than the oxy, which just made me dizzy for like fifteen minutes.

So that all happened summer 2022. I still talk about the experience in therapy, because healing isn't linear, but I'm okay.

Fast forward to early this morning. My wife starts experiencing the same symptoms I experienced. We go to the ER.

Now, my wife has been to this ER before for other issues. She's been there back when she identified as nonbinary, and after she started identifying as a woman. So she's had the F marker on her wrist band. She's "passed" enough that doctors have given her pregnancy tests "just in case" even though I've been there as the wife - we looked like a cis lesbian couple. (I understand that doing pregnancy tests with cis lesbian couples is done, because cheating and other stuff happens - they gave me pregnancy tests while assuming my wife was a cis woman as well. Covering medical basis with a simple piss test is not something I'll argue against.) But (I thiiiink?) it is in her notes that she's trans, and since she needed imaging done and this was regarding the urinary tract (also the receptionist said stuff about period/uterus involvement and questions), which is different in AMAB biology than AFAB, they needed to put an M marker on her wrist band.

Which I was pissed at - could they at least put some sort of "trans" marker on these bands so they know that while she has AMAB anatomy that she's she/her?

But whatever. She got a room and got treated relatively quickly - probably due to the time of day. They gave her fluids and IV ibuprofen. They determined she had a small kidney stone, around 2mm, and that she had an infection from it. The pain meds started wearing off.

They gave her an antibiotic and oxy in the hospital. Ok, fair. I had morphine during my first stone.

They sent her home with antibiotics, flomax, and oxy.

For the same condition, same size stone, they sent an AMAB person home with hella pain meds, and only gave me, and AFAB person, a script for hella pain meds after a surgery.

Which, honestly? That tracks.

Now, my wife is not a man. So don't you radfems or terfs come after me. And trans friends, don't come after me for sharing my wife's gender assigned at birth. But she had the M on her wrist band, so she was interpreted as male by some medical staff. And because most medical professionals are barely informed on trans stuff, they likely saw her as a man.

And you know what's common? Medical professionals giving more/better pain management medication to men (or people they interpret as men) than women (or people they interpret as women.) For the same conditions.

My wife, who they interpreted as male, was sent home with a script for an opioid for a 2mm kidney stone. I, an AFAB person who is interpreted as a cis woman, was sent home with high-dose ibuprofen for a 2mm kidney stone. And for a 4mm kidney stone.

How is this fair?

Now, I'm not asking for pain meds - I'm not in pain now. I'm not a drug seeker. When I was given an opioid after my surgery, I had two doses and flushed the rest because they did nothing for me. That's due to my system being weird - I have no idea why I metabolize drugs like this. Happens when I consume cannabis (legal in my state) as well.

I'm not asking for justice. I don't want my wife's meds to be taken away. I just want her feeling better. I'm not upset at her either - she's not the one who asked for specific meds. She just has a kidney stone and is in pain and asked for treatment.

I'm just saying that there's sexism in how medical professionals give out pain medication. And this should be changed.

AFAB people feel pain just as much as AMAB people.

And kidney stone pain is comparable to pain from childbirth. And people who give birth deserve to have pain meds too.

So yeah.

[omgpurplefattie]

Snippet

I finished the sixth chapter of "Detoxify", clocking in at 7.5 K for that chapter alone.

Karaoke night at Four Seasons Manor, first intermission

PoV Qing-er AKA Zhaoling-gongzhu

The first set of songs ended on this high note, and while the Scorpion put on much quieter canned music, everybody went to put away their old drinks, acquire new drinks, or donate to Shulin’s project. Both he and his partner, Peizhi, were extremely busy during the intermission. Mowen had referred to them by those old-fashioned nicknames, so that’s who they were now. They nun, the guy in green, and two other guys whom Qing-er already knew, a social justice lawyer and his TCM practitioner husband, helped with answering all the questions.

Qing-er realized she was no longer nervous but actually looked forward to singing for all these nice people; she couldn’t possibly be worse than their hosts. So she walked over to tell Mowen so, and to thank him again for helping her earlier.

The guy in green gave her a long look and a polite but lop-sided smile; she felt she’d met him somewhere, too. “Hello,” she said, to cover up that she had no idea who he was. His green clothes were actually a pair of so-called harem pants with a tribal pattern, and a loose tee-shirt with a stylized lotus on the chest; he was most likely another TCM practitioner, qigong teacher, or something of that kind.

Mowen put away the cheque he’d been given and came over to offer her more baijiu from his bottle, but the guy in green interfered. “Excuse me, Miss Zhao, but I’m sure that wouldn’t be a good idea; his baijiu takes itself quite seriously. Here, have one of these.”

He gave her a bottle hidden underneath the table that contained, as per the rather plain label, sparkling kombucha with a herbal infusion, dark and opaque with matcha. “Shulin makes those,” he said. “Not enough to pass around, really, but I guess it’ll be good for you. Keeps one sane and upright in this madhouse. Can you take these other two to A-Fei? He’s by the stage, on the left side, taping the cables back on yet again. He’s supposed to perform at least three more times, so he needs some sane and upright. I’m afraid Wen-laoban keeps filling him up with beer.”

“You are crazy,” Peizhi told him, for whatever reason, as he handed her two more bottles of the stuff. Apparently, the supply of Shulin’s pick-me-up was strictly limited.

She nodded, and made her way through the crowd towards the stage. The green guy had opened her own bottle, and she tried it while she walked. It was great -- powerfully flowery, carried by the deep green taste of the matcha and the natural fizzy sweetness of the kombucha. If that drink was home-made by Shulin, it was probably very medicinal and came only in very small batches.

“Are you A-Fei?” she asked the denim-clad behind sticking out from underneath the stage. The man called out something to a little helper that was, apparently, crawling underneath the stage for him, then came out and looked up at her.

“The guy in green asked me to bring you these,” she said, thrusting the bottles at him. “He thinks Wen-laoban is giving you too much beer.”

He grinned, with teeth. This close up, she could see he was quite old, at least thirty, but rather handsome in a mature way. The guy in green was definitely prettier.

“Great qinggong, though,” she said. “And great singing voice. I think somebody said you’d perform some more?”

He nodded. “I’m on again when this break ends, and I’m still sorting cables. They should just let me go kill the sound guys. I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

He stuck his head back underneath the stage. “A meter to the left I think!” he shouted to his invisible little helper.

Qing-er wandered on, sipping on her artisanal super-rare kombucha as she went.

[brylichen]

Hello, there. Welcome to Brylichen!

“Oh, hi. I’m Mylo, nice to meet you!”

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Welcome to Brylichen! Lead by the monarch, Mylo, it’s a beautiful underground kingdom located in a long chain of lush caves. Mylo really likes to meet new people, so they love new visitors!

What’ll you do here in Brylichen? Are you just passing through, or are you looking for something more permanent like citizenship? Whatever the case, you’re always welcome here. Happy adventuring!

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This is a roleplay blog for @mean-gills’s Empires season 3 rp! Run by @the-bad-boys, but this is it’s own account because sideblogs are rather confusing for me to use lmao..

Just a disclaimer: I’m fairly busy IRL as of recently, so I may randomly disappear. Apologies!

Anyone’s welcome to roleplay with this blog, but the only people that may engage in serious lore are the 10 other blogs we have specifically for this roleplay. Full blown roleplayers to shy anons - everyone’s good! HOWEVER, won’t be interacting with anyone until our group sort of picks up. It’ll be soon, don’t worry!

The only things I won’t allow are NSFW, random/extreme stuff, and overpowered things. [For example, don’t just say something like, “I run at them so fast they can’t run away”.] Otherwise, come on over!

If you send me an ask, I might not reply to it because a) I’m not online or b) I feel like I’m too busy roleplay-wise. However, it’s been a really long time - say a week or so - feel free to send another ask in reminding me as I may have forgotten.

————————————————————————————

TAGS

#all around the bush we go - in character posts

#not me not you; who is who? - out of character posts

#all together now! - roleplaying [specifically with others]

#open the letter - asks

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OTHER

[just random stupid fun facts]

About Mylo

they/it pronouns

agender

Glare hybrid!

4’8

likes literally everything cute

it’s favorite things ever are mushrooms and other types of related nature items..so funky

About Brylichen

previously known as Lichendrip, but Mylo's great great grandmother decided that name wasn't..fancy enough

protected with a sort of force field, which is made of a combination of cave materials, to keep hostile mobs out

About Me

Ren! he/they/it pronouns :D

I've been roleplaying for almost 1.5 years er..

^ you may have seen some of my other blogs; I always use this specific format [or something super similar] so you know it's probably me!! it's like a trademark lmfao

^^ apparently, a few of the other blogs in our group have been borrowing the format for their own blogs! meh..they're the only exception, otherwise it's me 👍

I’m 5’6 but someday. SOMEDAY I’LL GET TALLER, MARK MY WORDS!!

[thatchronicfeeling]

masks

menstrual pads / tampons

panty liners

incontinence pads

adult nappies / diapers Yes, they should provide these things for you. But often things in hospital are run 'on a wing and a prayer', so if there's something that would make you more comfortable, take it with you! I know that all of this stuff isn't affordable / practical for everyone. If that's the case for you, maybe have a think if *some* of this is doable for you. - maybe you could have a tote bag with a couple of essentials (see hashtags below) - maybe you could make a list of things you'd need to pack for an emergency hospital trip - maybe you have a paper list of emergency contacts - maybe you could keep a list of your meds on your phone - maybe you could think up a strategy if there are meds/supplements you would need to keep hidden whilst in hospital (seriously. I know someone who got her meds -- and salt -- confiscated by a nurse who said they'd 'keep it safe'...and then she didn't have access to the specific meds she needed, when she needed them) #I wish I could do this#but I can’t afford to have some of those things#and not use them#still a good idea#at least I have a backpack#that I am accustomed to emergency stuffing for the ER#and it does have a few staples like chapstick#and a medical list#plus a bag with some toiletries#like hair brush and spray and lotion @lifewithchronicpain Also, this bullet point on the list above made me laugh: "Pyjamas that are comfy enough to be in but not too revealing since it's hospital". I was once hospitalised during a heat wave. A family member very kindly went to buy a comfy weather-appropriate change of clothes + some nighties. That's how I ended up in hospital with extremely skimpy cotton nighties, with teeny tiny straps. Meaning that I'd go to bed with the essentials barely covered...and I'd wake up with everything on show. Luckily, I was in a single room because I had such epic diarrhoea that I was *always* in the toilet and sharing a bathroom caused a problem for the other patients. Yes, on a bowel ward. Where there were not enough toilets. For the patients with bowel problems.

I was talking to a friend and found out this isn't normal for everyone to have so if you're one of the people who don't have an emergency hospital bag, this is your sign to start pulling one together. Hope you'll never need it but make it anyways because if you need it and you don't have one you'll kick yourself. It's designed so if you were suddenly rushed to hospital or had to go to A&E/ER then you or someone you know can just grab it and go. Trust me, it makes life so much easier when you have a bag in an allocated space that anyone can grab for you if you need it. All you need is a bag designed to be hand luggage on a plane. Everyone's is different and it's customisable to you but things I have in mine include:

A list of all my current medications and their dosages

A list of all diagnoses with the medications used for them noted since some medications have multiple uses

A list of any mobility or physical limitations due to disabilities or illnesses

A list of emergency contacts

A list of allergies and what happens when I come into contact with those allergens

My regular doctors and specialists information

A change of comfy clothes including two sets of underwear and socks

Pyjamas that are comfy enough to be in but not too revealing since it's a hospital

Dressing gown (if there's space - if not keep one close to the bag for convenience)

Wet wipes

Alcohol hand gel

Deodorant

Chewing gum

Travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush

Travel sized dry shampoo

Travel sized shampoo and conditioner

Travel sized shower gel

A small tube of hand cream

A small microfiber towel

A plastic bag to keep soiled clothes in

A book to read

A puzzle book with at least two pens/pencils

Headphones/ear plugs

A portable phone charger

Spare phone charger with plug

Small comfort items

Small stim items

An eye mask

A small fan

A bottle of water and some small snacks (no nuts!)

I really encourage everyone to build theirs and regularly check it and update it as needed. Even if you think you're the healthiest person in the world, you have no idea what tomorrow will bring and it's always better to be prepared than left floundering during an already stressful situation. Feel free to add on your own ideas for what people can put in theirs. My list is by no means complete and there's bound to be things I didn't think of

[storyycool]

Ok so uhh this gotta be one of the worst possible websites to vent on but if ur seeing this please just scroll ik it’s probably gonna be cringy but im NOT in a great mood rn

ok so I’m in hs now and I haven’t been able to sleep all night tonight for some reason and that really fucking sucks because I have 4 different 2 hour blocks where I have to do very complicated work for the entire 2 hours with no break and no support in the slightest. I’m supposed to be one of the “smart kids” but in reality I’m fucking retarded, everyone just overestimates me because I’m quiet and I was in the gifted program. I think a lot of times people in my school forget that I’m a real person, it also kinda just feels like no matter where I go everyone always sees me as something I’m not no matter what that might be. Today a kid complimented me and I was genuinely shocked and confused because why would someone ever want to be nice to me? Im never nice to anyone and I look fucking disgusting, I have no real personality, I’m extremely lazy like so fucking lazy I don’t even wanna get out of bed most days and I know I’m not depressed because if I were depressed than I would have been diagnosed with it already. The truth is there’s nothing mentally wrong with me. I’m just causing problems for myself over and over again and then crying when everyone hates me because I’m always causing problems. If I was really suffering, someone would have noticed by now and maybe asked me if I was okay. I go to school everyday and barely talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I have no friends, I sit alone every day, and people avoid me like the plague. And I’m not even gonna act like it’s not my fault because it 100% is, I just don’t know what I need to do to fix myself. I’ve been trying but I haven’t tried hard enough, every time I think I’m doing better I end up doing worse, I’m a disappointment to everyone and serve no purpose in this world. I have no hopes, dreams, ambitions, life goals, or anything. I just wanna graduate get a decent paying job that I fucking hate and work that job until I can finally die and all of this will be over. I’m crying and I don’t even know why. Why the fuck would I be crying over problems I literally fucking caused? It actually makes me wanna throw up when I see my disgusting fatass barely even a human self crying in the mirror with my face all red so my acne shows up better. I’m so so so so fucking disgusting oh my god I don’t wanna live with myself knowing everything I’ve done that I can never undo. I’ve destroyed so many peoples lives and I can never forgive myself for that. Unfortunately, with my situation, I literally have to live because literally everything I’ve tried hasn’t been enough to kill me. There’s actually no way in hell I should be alive right now, I have de ere brain damage and I can physically feel my brain cells decreasing and turning into slime and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It hurts so fucking bad. Every night when I go to bed I have a different dream where I die in it and each time my body just slowly turns into this weird disgusting slimy substance and I feel like it’s happening in real life too. Tonight I just wanted to get a few assignments done since I couldn’t sleep anyway but I just straight up started having a mental breakdown as soon as I clicked on an assignment. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through tomorrow and I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through the rest of my life completely alone. It doesn’t matter how many drugs I take, how much therapy I get, any of that stuff, because it’s never gonna change the way my brain works. I’m not gonna try to blame the things I’m doing on any sort of illness, I blame it all on myself. By the way, I’m a dramatic ass bitch so please don’t take any of this too seriously, honestly my life isn’t even that bad just sometimes it really fucking sucks. And also I swear to god if one single person says womp womp I’m ending it all and that isn’t a joke.

[1358456]

Pokemon Crystal "Free to Play" Run Part 1

Time to give this a try. I remember very little about the specifics and the hidden secrets of Generation II, so... um... this may be a doomed run. We'll see.

Here we go. No glitches, no catching any Pokemon whatsoever, and no buying Pokemon either. Free to play.

Once again, I don't have enough spaces, and don't have access to numbers so... FTP again.

... Who the hell is this? Her daughter is adamant about becoming Prof. Elm's assistant? ... Was that ever brought up in Pokemon Special? Hmm. I can probably use this in an upcoming Short.

There's some asshole looking into the lab and no one ever notices him. ... This lab has one entrance, and an assistant who wanders around that only entrance doing literally nothing else. How did this asshole get in and steal a Pokemon? ... I guess through the window??

Heh. Unlike Prof. Rowan who just stares at you, this dude begs you for help. "Please, we're drastically understaffed because we can't afford any helpers! You're not getting paid for this either!"

"Partner" my ass. ... Oh wait, Free to Play run. ... Er... Yes. Very important. Especially considering the later parts... Taking Cyndaquil for now and will deeply regret my decision at the end of this post.

So this is what a battle looks like from an outsider's perspective. ... So... how do the battles in my Yellow version runs look? "That dude's Pikachu is... er... blue."

Why does my character have a blue Pokeball? Did I merge a Pokeball with a Squirtle already? And this asshole's arm is... kind of messed up. Either his hand is as long as his forearm, or his arm can reach past his knee.

"My name is ???" ... Sure. I didn't ask for his name or his life aspirations, but I guess he's lonely. Well, f*ck him.

Er... I think there's a dude named Ricky in here who wants to trade you an Onix for a Bellsprout. But that requires me to CATCH a Bellsprout, so... nope.

... Huh. That's actually a thing. I thought the mandatory Trainer's School was given that name in Pokemon Special only. I guess the "orphanage" part is new. ... Orphanage... I miss the kids in Morning Glory...

... Where is the teacher? Did he f*ck off and abandon the class? There are like 12 seats here and only 4 kids, 2 of which are playing Pokemon games in the back. ... Wait, what?

I thought there was a path around the dollar sign. But I guess that's HGSS only?

Your dad's "cherished bird Pokemon" are just random sh*t he found in the Viridian Forest.

Nope. F*ck off. ... Oh wait, Free to Play... er... I mean... Yes!

Hey, this is guy who, back in the days, everyone thought was referring to Pokerus that you can only find in the grass around him. ... Back in those days, people also thought that shiny Pokemon were extremely rare variants that appeared in specific places. ... I found Pokerus in my actual Gold version. And Ruby. ... And then I spawned it in Silver! See my GSC Joy Run posts for that shenanigans.

... Sheesh. Sorry for being broke. There's a reason why this is a Free to Play run...

Hey! A gift Pokemon! I wonder what's inside? It better be good! Because I am very lacking in the Pokemon department!

This is Bill's mother. And... So Bill's father is a gambling addict? Hmm. Did I know that already?

Another "gift" Pokemon! It's like a quest delivery weapon/armor in Skyrim or something. As long as I don't complete the quest...

... It's a "gift", but... it ain't good. But... well... I effectively robbed this guy. I can't exactly complain about the quality of the stuff I stole. At least it can use Fly probably. Oh, it has mail. ...

Whoops. My bad. I do not work for the post office, so this is not my responsibility.

... I have to face Whitney very soon. And without a Geodude/Graveler for once. A Spearow and Togepi/Togetic do not help me against that. So... er... this Odd Egg had better hatch into something good!

... ... ... ... -_- ... ... ... ...

Odd Egg? Never heard of it. I only ever had my starter, Togepi Egg, and the "gift" Spearow. ... I just can't get away from that li'l abomination...

I guess Quilava has to solo Whitney... through Attract and Rollout. ... Hmm...

It's cheese time.

Just like Misty's Starmie, Whitney's Miltank is no match for this finely curated, moldy, nasty-ass fromage. Now there should be no more problems!

... So here I am in Ecruteak. And... This is it, huh? ... The first Water Stone you can get is in Cerulean Cape, so... I physically can't progress past Olivine City. Nothing here gets Surf. ... Um... so... I guess I absolutely needed to have picked Totodile at the start of the game. This run was doomed the moment I picked Cyndaquil. "Truth is, the game was rigged from the start."

... F*ck. This is like those very old text based adventure games where you could have f*cked yourself over at the start of the game and wouldn't find out until like... 10 hours in.

Well then. Part 1 is a proof-of-concept run. I'll restart with Totodile for Part 2. And looking at this right now, my team by the end is going to be...

Feraligatr (Surf, Whirlpool, Cut), Fearow (Fly), Togetic (Flash), Espeon, Dragonite (Waterfall), and... something other than Pichu from that Daycare random egg. I wonder if Togetic can learn Fly. If that's the case, I don't need the Fearow and I can replace it with a Hitmonlee/chan/top. ... If I remember where Tyrogue is, anyways. Might be that cave right next to Ecruteak...

Well, next time.

[gamenu]

         "Don't your wings get cold in this weather?" He frowns, adding a little more tea to his cup as more people start to file into the cafeteria. "I had never thought to ask before, but surely they must when they are always exposed to the elements. Is it like when your hand goes numb, or different from that?"

          He'd had his tentacles go numb before and it was quite the irritating feeling, so Azul could only imagine what it was like for limbs as delicate and sensitive as a fairy's wings.

                                                  -- @mostrohost

         "They can crack." It's said with a eerie calmness, one that the fairy is using coffee to help promote. It's warm, it helps, and it's why she's not taken her wing covers off. Or really flown anywhere since the snow had started falling. She even sleeps with them on at this point. People can say what they want, but it's keeping them insulated enough to not simply shatter upon movement as if they were bare.

          Naira wishes that it was as simple as things going numb.

         "I's why fer so long, warm-weathered fairies weren't allowed ta go ta tha winter woods. An' frost-fairies couldn' come see us neither. We found ways around 'em an' stuff...but we gotta help each other. I's only me here." Could he tell the thought made her anxious? She was trying to hide it. Trying to keep focus on something else.

          But she never spent time anywhere cold.

          Staying here for the winter was huge risk she was taking. But it was worth it for the friends she's made.

          After all, she's got the Director, she's got Azul, she's got Jamil and everyone else here too! Why not spend a winter with her clumsies?

          So far...things have been okay. And everyone has been accommodating to her.

          Drinking at her coffee again, she looks to Azul. Her face is rather nonchalant, and she just gives a simple shrug.

         "Might end up goin' home wi' half a wing missin', 'er bothf'."

          But he could see the extreme anxiety and fear in her eyes. It was impossible to hide. She was trying so hard to put on a brave face, so she wouldn't think too much about her risk. So others wouldn't think about it too much aside from the accommodations they've already given her. Trying to experience the things they do...it was hard. Some of it could be detrimental. But she's trying so hard.

          Just...scared. Extremely scared.

[ofthoughtsandmemories]

I was loading up tumblr to take a look at some older posts on my main blog and, for some reason, this blog was what loaded first. It was a real slap in the face, honestly, but not in a terrible way.

It's sort of coincidental that I run across this blog unintentionally when very recently I've been reflecting on how tumblr and internet culture as a whole in my teenage years affected my mental health and sense of self. I think a lot about the Twenty One Pilots Era and how depression and anxiety and other mental health problems were not just normalized, but celebrated. It was extremely toxic and I fell into that pit so easily.

I believe I have always suffered from depression and anxiety - or at least symptoms of both regularly enough to distinguish it from ADHD - but I just have this gut feeling that I would have been better off if I had never participated in that kind of community at all. I developed anorexia and made thinspo blogs. I found myself desperately wanted to be diagnosed officially with something so that I could feel... validated, I guess? Special? Worth something? Which was probably indicative of mental illness in itself, but still, the guilt of "faking it" has haunted me all my life. Even well past the point of growing up and realizing these communities were harmful.

It made me treat my friends poorly. I was paranoid and selfish and hurting, and I lashed out at people who didn't deserve it. Kayden in particular lingers in my mind. I'd like to apologize someday, but I don't know if it's worth bringing up old pain if he still even thinks about it. Same with Paige, since I know now that what I felt for her was limerance and an extremely unhealthy anxious attachment style/codependence. It was not her fault and I feel like, at least at one point, she thought it was. I hope she realizes the truth now.

I'm in my third year of grad school. Every year has been a series of increasingly difficult mental, social, and academic challenges. Hell, even physical, at this point. I reached one of the lowest spots of my life on my 24th birthday this year, where I finally got low enough that suicide was a real, serious option, and I asked my friends to hospitalize me. I only spent 2 or so days in a psych ward, but it was terrible enough to deter me from doing that again unless the stakes are truly dire. I felt so dehumanized. My things were taken, I was forced to strip and put on scrubs that didn't fit, I was free bleeding with no underwear for 8 hours and even still didn't receive a menstrual pad until a few hours before my discharge, I was put in a room in the ER where there was no bed, only a tiny cot on the floor, and when I was at the ward I was woken up all hours of the night by people taking my vitals or asking me question or even just other patients screaming their distress at nothing in the rooms adjacent to me. A man I discharged with, clearly homeless and mentally unwell, had an angry rampage in the lobby as I was waiting for my friend to pick me up. I watched him walk off into the cold weather with no shirt and no place to go. I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't know if I'm going to graduate this semester. I'll make it work if I don't, but it's going to be a financial strain on both myself and my parents. I'm feeling marginally better recently after starting some new meds and seeing my therapist more frequently and having my Omaha friends to rely on, so I'm hopeful that I can get everything done that I need to. We will see.

I guess I just wanted to use this space as a little journal to reflect on the past semester and stuff. Part of me hopes someone sees it, just to share a piece of myself with someone, but that part of me is pretty selfish.

Things will get better. I know that and I can see it on the near horizon. I just need to do my part, ask for help when I need it, rely on my friends, and stay optimistic as best I can. No one will be able to say I didn't try.

Anyway... here's a picture of Spoon and Fork for a palate cleanser for myself. I'm gonna go bother them with kisses now