#some ppl are intentionally dense | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lavender-annd-lilac · 2 years ago

Text

Lol ok….. 😮‍💨so I was going to send this in on anon (bc I’m a coward and have no confidence in my own opinion lmao), and then do my usual memes and whatever in the comments to stay On Brand like any internet savvy citizen.

but then it got super long and I was like…. Ok whatever y’all can roast me haha nothing will hurt me more than the result of Spain vs Germany yesterday 😭

⚠️NOT my usual disclaimer: long post, not funny (not intentionally anyway 😭), uneducated but strongly held opinions, etc. ⚠️

Oh wait I actually do have one joke before we start just to break the ice 😅

How much does a polar bear weigh

Q: What goes around?

A: A rope! And it goes around my neck! Bc it’s a noose! Bc I spent an inappropriate amount of time thinking about this fictional scenario! Seriously I could have imagined up like 5 Goncharovs in the time it took to write this out somewhat coherently lol

Anyway here is my potentially problematic(?) take lmao:

I kind of feel bad for Beth???? Like some real anti-hero level sympathy going on here. 😳😳😳

Lol jk (I wish)

But here’s a visual TL;DR if u don’t want to waste the next 15 min of your life deciphering my TED Talk :

So obvi the whole timing of the announcement was a shitty thing to do to your bff BUT we’ve all done dumb shit in our early 20’s and like, readers dad is a grown ass man so…. who do y’all think the power dynamic favours there 😬

Just thinking back to my own college days, I definitely did a lot of hurtful things to other ppl but it wasn’t out of spite, and I don’t think Beth did what she did with any kind of bad intent. 😣

College friendships are also weird

u initially bond with ur roommate(s) out of necessity (esp if u don’t know anyone else on campus)

I’m not saying it can’t grow into a genuine relationship, but u are kind of thrown together by rng

after u both get over that initial “omg we have to cling to each other bc everything is new and scary” phase, things can change. 🫣

Like, maybe u discover u don’t actually have a lot in common, and u start to grow apart but still hang out a lot bc u feel a sense of loyalty to that person, or out of comfort/familiarity, and bc u are probably still friends even if u don’t connect to them as much as when u first met.

Also there’s just so much happening at that stage in your life, u won’t necessarily notice if one person is more invested in the friendship.

It’s kind of assumed you’re on the same page ??? until someone doesn’t get invited to a party or something and while the other person didn’t see it as a big deal lol.

Based on reader’s narrative, it seemed like she was more invested in the friendship than Beth to begin with ?? She was like 🔥ride or die🔥, while Beth appeared to have a larger friend circle or social group.

I also think reader has more emotional awareness than Beth so she was more perceptive of these slight shifts in their dynamic - while for Beth it was more of a friendship of convenience?

(And I don’t mean convenience in a “I’m just using u” way, but like in the way that u might make friends with ur co workers bc it makes the workplace environment better, but u wouldn’t necessarily seek out their friendship if u weren’t co workers.)

At that age (or maybe this is just my experience as a spoiled only child scorpio) I was also pretty emotionally dense (and kind of still am at times haha it’s hard to pick up on cues idk) 😅 I wasn’t a modelesque popular girl by any means, but I was lucky to find a great group of friends that I probably took for granted at the time 😥

Like call me a pie crust bc I would literally just flake or completely ghost people if I got into one of those anxiety/0 emotional bandwidth left moods 😑 which could last for days or weeks or months. And it wasn’t bc I didn’t value their friendship - it was more like I underestimated how much they valued my presence in the friend group if that makes sense? 🥺

In my head, I just assumed it would be no big deal if I skip this movie night our friends planned bc that’s how I would think if someone didn’t show up - like, whatever, no worries, see u at the next one girl lol. But to that friend group it was hurtful bc it came off as me not caring about the effort they put into choosing the movies and snacks and everything. 😓

So I understand reader being upset about getting the brush off from Beth leading up to the relationship reveal, but I can also see Beth not realizing how her friend felt unless reader was direct about it and said like “hey, are we ok? I feel like we’ve been kind of distant lately”

I mean… Ideally reader wouldn’t HAVE to say it directly like that and Beth would pick up on context clues but some of us are socially inept and need a neon sign 😅

As for the relationship w reader’s dad, I honestly don’t see Beth as being “the bitch” here. Like, it’s not one of those scenarios where a girl purposely seeks out her friends dad for some petty affair like the “might seduce your dad type” Billie Eyelash sings about

Alexa play,

Also going to give u the Justin Bieber version so u can see how he literally adds nothing and Billie is a star on her own

Anyway, I feel like when u are just out of college it’s really flattering to get a attention from an older man and even if Beth had a ton of flings before, this is prob what she sees as her first serious relationship….so she’s likely letting reader’s dad’s lead when it comes to “what should we tell ur daughter” or “when should we tell her”. I can also see Beth trusting reader’s dad more than her own friend just bc she’s under the impression that this guy knows best, esp if her comparison point is like frat boys doing lines of coke off her ass (Ransom, was that u?👀)

Announcing their relationship at the party was beyond gauche but again, I’m just going to say…. the dad should have the emotional IQ and life experience to know better. 😤😤😤

It’s a bigger betrayal from him IMO bc he’s been in his daughter’s position before, so he should have been like, “oh, I know it would have pissed me off if my parent dropped a bombshell at what is supposed to be a celebratory moment, so I won’t do that to my daughter, even if my much younger gf thinks it’s ok”.

Plus, at this point everyone knows except reader right? So if readers dad is very nonchalant about their relationship, and Bucky didn’t really protest either (like he said, he thought he would be a hypocrite if he did 😒 I’ll drag him for this later lol), then basically all the “adults” around Beth are treating it like no big thing…

So…., she would prob get the impression that being casual about it is the “mature” thing to do, which is why she interprets readers negative reaction as “immaturity”. 😫

I get ppl having their pitchforks out and wanting the reader to embarrass Beth like how she felt Beth embarrassed her, but I think a lot of of that anger is misplaced???😟

Also, If reader was Beth’s closest friend and they weren’t even that close at the end, Beth wouldn’t have had anyone to really talk to while the relationship was starting? Which just seems sad 😔

The men seem like the most problematic ones here tbh.

Like reader’s dad - dude u are the one who should have thought about how your daughter would be affected… Beth is her friend, but you are the parent here lmaoo 😂

And as for Bucky - ok ya u might not have the closest relationship with ur daughter, but ugghhhh, don’t act like u couldn’t have tried to talk to her🙄

When he says shit like:

Truth is, I can’t control what Beth does. She stopped listening to me a long time ago. And if I tried to force her to let Dave go, it would make her want him more,

I was like are u fucking kidding me😠 (also, just bc u preface something by saying “truth is” doesn’t make it the goddamn truth lol)

First of all, maybe she stopped listening bc ur go to approach is apparently to “force her” to do this thing or that thing?

Dude, u don’t have to force anyone to do shit!!! 😡😡😡

He’s making it seem like the only options are for him to grant her permission to do something, or to forbid her from doing something.

Ok…..I missed the part where we time travelled back to medieval Europe??? 😱😱😱What happened to having conversations with ur child??

When he called her “bratty” I was like ok sir, that’s YOUR own daughter like why do u think she turned out that way huh????🤔

Ofc children have their own personalities but a parent also has a role in shaping that personality so pls don’t throw her under the bus like u had nothing to do with her upbringing, or u just like gave up at some point and stopped caring how she turned out????

And then him basically being like Beth didn’t want a stepmother and ppl don’t want to date me bc I have a bratty daughter… WTF? That’s some sympathy for the devil BS 😑

Don’t act like u can’t do shit when it comes to influencing ur daughter’s decisions, but then she suddenly has all the veto power when it comes to your love life like “dad, I don’t want a step mom, u are forbidden to date”

And u don’t have a “bratty daughter”, u have a daughter who is a young adult ok. Don’t act like she’s some hairy mole on ur face scaring all the ladies off… SHEESH

NEWSFLASH: Adults with adult kids do get remarried… like, dating might not be as easy as when u were a single dude but guess what? Ur not a single dude, ur a single dad. And how did that happen again? Who’s the one responsible for ur life choices?? How about u look in the fucking mirror u whiny bitch lol I am mad about this 🙄

I’m not a parent so obvi my opinion is worth very little haha, but….just bc u think u won’t be able to dissuade ur child from doing something doesn’t mean ur only choice is to silently stand by and let it happen???

Like, let them know how u feel at least ???

Maybe it won’t change their decision, but it might change how they go about making their decision, or how they handle things afterwards. Don’t just assume they won’t listen to u, or they will interpret it in some reverse psychology way man…. Why u playing mind games w ur offspring lol

But I mean what can we expect from a guy who says

You know how relieved Dave was that I didn’t beat the shit out of him over Beth? Or that I didn’t push him away as a friend?

Like, ok bro this is your good (?) friend and you want to handle the situation by beating the shit out of him or shunning him? Sure, if that’s your first thought after you find out, it’s normal to be angry. But he’s had some time to process it and this is STILL how he sees the situation??!

And his justification??? OOOOOHHH BOY. He didn’t confront Dave or his daughter bc he “didn’t want to be a hypocrite”???

Translation: he wanted to bang his friends daughter while still being able to take the moral high road afterwards and be like “well I never judged u for doing the same thing”

Talk about having your cake and eating it too 🙄

He passed on the opportunity to have a conversation with 2 people that probably needed some kind of outside opinion/feedback (whether they wanted it or not), just to leave the door open for him to get his dick wet, and not have to “feel bad” about it later.

The heck??? 😤

I mean at least reader acknowledges that the situation is messed up and admits to herself that she just did what she was mad at Beth for. At least she isn’t going all scorched earth like, oh, those two did something “wrong” so now anything goes and I can do whatever I want.

And Bucky painting it as “aren’t u tired of being good” like it’s some black and white situation??? He’s implying that Dave and Beth did something “bad”/are bad ppl which I feel is unfair.

Ya they handled it poorly but there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with two consenting adults being in a relationship with an age gap???

It’s not just like, abstaining from desire = being good, giving in to desire = bad 😒

Oh hang on, we’re getting a phone call…

📞Ring ring…. ring ring….Hello? Oh it’s for Bucky - The Catholic Church called, they said they want their rhetoric back

🙄

What’s so “good” about secretly lusting over your friend’s daughter for years and then hardcore judging your friend for doing what u didn’t have the nerve to do, and THEN not saying anything to anyone and letting a ticking time bomb explode just so u can use the ensuing emotional chaos to act on your desires huh??? HUH???

Even if we frame the Dave/Beth relationship as “bad” or problematic… it’s like watching your friend gamble away his life savings at the casino and not saying a word bc u also want to blow all ur money at the casino, but don’t to be judged for for it??? That’s some mutually assured destruction shit.

💥🤯

Reader and Beth both deserve better parents and like, I just feel sad Beth is getting the majority of hate when I genuinely feel she’s the least responsible for causing harm out of the unholy trinity of dumbasses here.

Beth’s worst crime is that she’s an impulsive girl in her early 20’s who made a self centred decision and chose a guy over her friend.

🤷‍♀️

The other two? Two middle aged adults who want to pursue a relationship with each others 20 y/o children but lack either the will or the ability or the emotional awareness to give a damn about how their closest friends and family will be affected???

Send those fools back to clown school bc that shit ain’t funny

🤡

Haha ya anyway just like some casual thoughts 😮‍💨 why didn’t I just go with memes fucking hell lol

What Goes Around

Pairing: BFD/DBF!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky is your friend's dad and your dad's friend and nothing more. Until he isn't. Word Count: Over 6.2k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, vaginal unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), semi-public sex, possessive behavior, dirty talk, light Daddy kink, age gap (reader is in early 20's and Bucky late 40's), arguing, light violence, swearing, conflicted reader (everything is consensual!), everyone is a mess, Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?). A/N: Woohoo! Stepped out of my comfort zone a bit on this and I'm so proud! Thank you to @sweeterthanthis , @dreamlessinparis , @buckyownsmylife, @targaryenvampireslayer , @christywantspizza , @sgt-seabass , @lookiamtrying for listening to me ramble about this. Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby (thank you as well), but any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated! ***Any soft!dark undertones are unintentional as everything is consensual.***

You met Bethany Barnes your freshman year of college. While some of the girls on your floor knew each other, you went off to university not knowing a soul and had to be assigned a roommate. Your nerves shot up when you walked into the shared room. Beth, as she preferred to be called, was intimidatingly beautiful. You hadn't met any supermodels, but she could've chosen that as her profession with her tall, slender build, long auburn hair, and sparkling blue eyes.

Your nervousness faded when she smiled and gave you a hug, after asking if it was okay.

"You're here!" she smiled more when she pulled away, looking over your shoulder at who you thought was your dad. "By the closet."

You weren't normally stunned silent by looking at a person, but that was what happened when you met James "Bucky" Barnes. With the beard and quiet confidence in which he carried himself, you would've mistaken him for a professor had it not been for the fact that he was in the dormitory. Call it instant attraction or lust, but you found yourself openly staring at the handsome man as he carried a box into the room. He gazed at you, too, or so you thought. Your mind may have been playing tricks on you.

"Dad, quit staring at my roommate. That's weird."

The needle on the record scratched. Her dad. You could see where she got her good looks. He was taller and broader, his hair dark brown instead of auburn, and eyes a deeper shade of blue. One of the hottest men to ever grace the earth, if anyone asked for your opinion.

It didn't matter how good looking he was. This was Beth's dad. It put him in the "look, but don't touch" column.

Your dad, Dave, appeared moments later and introduced himself. Bucky was kind enough to help him with the rest of your stuff and even offered to buy lunch. While he didn't look the least bit upset about leaving, it was clear your dad was having a tough time holding it together and even had tears in his eyes. You understood. It was the two of you for so long and now you were out the door.

Beth put a hand on his arm and gave him a small smile to ease his worries.

"Hey. Your daughter and I will look out for each other, okay? You have nothing to worry about. Plus, I think we're going to be good friends."

She was right.

To your surprise, you discovered that Beth only lived about an hour away from your hometown. Like you, Beth didn't know anyone, but she was friendly and welcoming. Definitely more outgoing than you would ever be. Her popularity grew quickly, but the two of you were there for each other like she promised. While you had lost your mother, hers took off when she was so young she couldn't even remember her face. Bucky did the best he could to raise her. Like your dad had done for you.

Maybe that was why they became such good friends, too.

The two of you traded off different weekends at each other's houses when you left campus and spent a few holidays together. You did a couple of summer trips with your dads doing their best not to be overbearing. Eventually Beth joined a sorority and moved into the chapter's house, so you no longer lived together. Bucky suggested that your dad move closer to his place when he decided to sell the house, that way everyone could still spend time together.

"You wouldn't mind, would you?" your dad asked at the time.

You didn't at the time. It still gave everyone a chance to hang out and your dad seemed to need it more than you. He admired Bucky for being self-made, having a nice house, and a good job. It was as if the man's confidence rubbed off on him. He began to dress better and get in shape. He mentioned possibly dating again, which you encouraged. Your dad deserved to be happy.

You couldn't have predicted it would all go to hell after graduation.

You nursed your wine as you sat at the bar, staring into the abyss of the liquid as you swirled it around. Maybe if you looked long enough, you'd forget about tonight. It should have been an evening of celebration for you. Nothing major, but it was something that meant the world to you.

"I think you need something stronger."

You stayed silent when you turned to your right, slightly surprised when you saw none other than Bucky take a seat beside you. The citrus scent of his cologne filled your nostrils when he moved his stool close enough that your knees touched. Up close, even with the dim bar lightning, you could see the gray hairs in his trimmed beard and perfectly coiffed brown hair. Of all the people you expected to see, he certainly wasn't one of them.

"What are you doing here?" you asked.

"I thought you could use a friend."

"Are we friends?" You asked softly.

Hurt flashed in his eyes, which filled you with guilt. "I thought we were."

You weren't sure if you would label Bucky as a friend, but you cared for the man. He had been good to you over the years, staying up with you and watching movies when you couldn't sleep or listening to you ramble on about your papers, internship, resume, while Beth pampered herself. He gave advice when you asked and listened when you only wanted to talk.

You didn't need to be rude to him.

"We are," you wanted to assure him and you felt a bit better when his shoulders relaxed. "How did you even know where to find me?"

"You rushed off before dinner started and you mentioned that you liked this place," he replied, like it was obvious. "We were supposed to be celebrating. We didn't get all dressed up for nothing," he teased, gesturing to himself and drawing your attention to his large body as you smiled a little.

Over the last few years, you got used to seeing different looks from him. Jeans and shirts tight enough to see the muscles underneath, sweatpants that hung low enough to let the imagination wander, swim trunks when you went on vacation, and even the occasional suit. He opted for a dark blue suit tonight that matched his eyes, but skipped the tie. It wasn't a look many could pull off and he did it with ease.

You blinked and shook your head, trying not to pay attention to how good he looked. Just because you were upset didn't mean you had a right to check him out. It was wrong to be attracted to him and you refused to acknowledge it. Mainly because he was one of your dad's best friends and one of your best friend's dads.

No, she's not my best friend. Not anymore.

“We even kind of match,” he smiled to himself.

You glanced down at your short, sleeveless dress. It wasn’t revealing or flashy, but you felt beautiful in it. The shade of blue was close to his suit. Part of you felt silly for dressing up for a simple dinner.

"I guess we do," you said softly, looking at your glass again.

“Surprised the boys aren’t lining up for a chance with you,” he said.

You snorted, thankful you didn’t take a sip of your wine. You would’ve spit it out. “The boys have never lined up for me, but it’s okay. I’m used to it.”

Boys usually talked to you to get closer to Beth.

“Their loss,” Bucky said sincerely as he held up a couple of fingers for the bartender.

“And we have nothing to celebrate,” you said, not wanting to dwell on your sad dating history.

"Bullshit," he said, ordering two shots of whiskey and setting some money on the counter once the bartender came over. "You got a job at Stark Industries. I'm proud of you."

Your cheeks heated at the praise. "Thank you," you said, sparing him a glance when he passed you a glass. "I already have a drink.”

“And I said it isn’t strong enough,” he hesitated as he picked up his own. “Beth said you weren’t much of a drinker. Not even on your 21st birthday. You were a good girl, weren’t you?”

You were conflicted as you listened. Did Bucky mean for that to be an innuendo? You chose to focus on Beth instead, and how angry you felt. How many nights did you hold her hair back while she puked?

“You're right. We should celebrate."

Bucky gave you a worried look as you picked up your drink.

Your cheeks ached from your wide smile. "To my dad and your daughter fucking each other. Cheers!"

You might as well address the elephant in the room since he wouldn't.

He frowned when you downed the shot, the burn spreading from the back of your throat to your chest. You half expected him to see a clench in his jaw or an embarrassed blush in his cheeks, but he merely threw his drink back and slammed the glass down when he finished. "You sure you don't want to do another toast? I don't think the entire bar heard you."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to make a scene. I did that already, remember?"

You hadn't seen Beth in months since you graduated. Neither of you landed dream jobs right away, but you did find temporary work to help cover the rent for your new place. You wanted to be independent and your dad supported you. But your friend hadn’t even seen your place.

Any time you reached out to meet up, she made an excuse why she couldn't join you or bailed at the last minute if she agreed. At first, you didn't take any offense. You figured she met a guy. She got like that sometimes over boys, but she had never gone that long without hanging out with you.

Maybe she had outgrown you after college.

Your dad sensed that you missed Beth and assured you that you'd see her soon. He planned a special dinner to celebrate you getting a job at Stark Industries. Beth promised she wouldn't miss it. You thought it was strange how easily she accepted your dad's invitation, but you discovered quickly that she wasn't there for you in the first place.

"Sweetie," your dad began as he slipped an arm around Beth's waist. "We have something we want to talk to you about. Beth and I are, well, we're seeing each other. Now I know that may be difficult to hear, especially since I haven't seen anyone serious since your mother, but…"

Your dad used to describe you as amicable and well-behaved when someone asked him about his daughter. No matter what life threw your way, you did your best to be friendly and stay out of trouble. It could have been before your mother was always kind and you did your best to follow in her footsteps. It often meant putting the needs of others before your own, but it never bothered you.

Until tonight.

Until you saw the ring on Beth's finger.

Beth, the girl who flashed boys from her sorority house window and blew off studying. The same girl who cried with you on the anniversary of your mom's death. She was going to marry your dad.

A slow moving storm began to swirl in your mind. You managed to hear your dad say that they began seeing each other the night of graduation and promised it wasn't sooner. It explained why Beth had blown you off all that time. They were trying to figure out how to tell you, but all they did was lie.

Outrage was a foreign feeling to you and you didn't know how to channel it. Were you supposed to scream? Cry? All you knew was that it clawed at your insides until it broke free.

Whatever you yelled was enough to make your dad step back in shock and Beth grab your arm to drag you outside. The porch light illuminated her enough to see the anger etched on her face. You didn't even recognize her.

"What the fuck? You've been fucking my dad?!" you yelled, snatching your arm back from her.

"Yeah, I'm fucking your dad!" she yelled back.

"How did this even happen?!" you demanded to know, immediately regretting asking a second later.

"After your graduation dinner, we were drinking and I said I always thought he was hot and-"

"God, stop!" you shrieked, covering your ears until her mouth stopped moving. "So, you two have been sneaking around behind my back and lying to me for months?!"

"We had to because we knew you'd lose your shit! I knew you wouldn’t be mature about this!"

You trembled as you took a step back. You weren't used to yelling or being yelled at. There were times that you and Beth bickered, but it was nothing like this.

And, of course, you'd lose your shit. What did she honestly expect? Was she the real reason your dad began to take better care of himself over the years?

"Why?" You asked almost timidly, a contrast to how you shouted moments ago. "I don't want to sound cliché, but you can have anyone you want. Why him?"

"Because I want him," she said unapologetically.

Beth, in the time you knew her, was never afraid to go after what or who she wanted. She also went all in with guys. She didn't believe in doing it half-ass. But your dad was far from her type, the opposite of the fuckboys she typically dated.

"My dad isn't one of those stupid boys who does lines of coke off your ass. He's a good man."

"I know he's a good man. That's why I'm marrying him," she snapped, holding up her hand for you to see the ring again. It was beautiful. If you had to guess, it was also expensive. "We just want your support."

You wondered what it would be like at times to have a stepmom. Whenever you envisioned it, your best friend never came to mind. Your dad had to be going through a midlife crisis. God, what would your mom say if she was alive? What did Bucky have to say?

"You're half his age!" you argued, the anger starting to surface again as you stepped forward and smacked her hand away. "What do you two possibly have in common?"

"A lot, actually," she said, clutching her hand against her chest. "You never had a problem with your dad and I hanging out in all the years we've been friends. And you wouldn't give a shit about his age if this was any other guy."

"But this isn't just any guy! This is my dad!" you argued, pleading with her to understand as your vision blurred. Didn’t she realize how awkward it was? What if they ended things? "And you're my best friend."

Beth bit her lip at the sight of your tears. "Your dad and I care about each other, okay? We deserve to be happy. And I care about you, too, but I'm not letting him go. I refuse to be like you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" you demanded when you watched the sympathy leave her eyes.

When backed into a corner, Beth lashed out like an animal. Anyone who got too close got hurt. Unlucky for you, you knew you were about to be on the receiving end of her wrath.

"You spent all four years of college studying and being nice instead of living. You only had fun when I made it happen. You hardly dated. You're lucky you even got laid at all," she said, digging into your insecurities. It was tough for guys to look at you when Beth stood beside you. It made you wonder how long she felt this way about you. "Deep down, you’re just a fucking coward. Unlike you, I have the balls to go after what I want, so that's what I did. You should find a pair and do the same."

Your hand connected with Beth's cheek before you could stop yourself. Like a scene out of a movie, your dad opened the door in time for him to witness the slap. But it wasn't his hand that gripped your shoulder to pull you away.

It was Bucky’s.

Your hand stung as Beth dissolved into tears in your dad's arms. He looked disappointed in you and said as much as you tried to say something. You waited for Bucky to snap at you for hitting his daughter, but he stayed eerily silent as he looked at your hand.

Did he hate you now?

"I'm sorry," you whispered, pulling away before he could say a word.

You ducked inside long enough to grab your purse and take off before any of them could stop you. It was a coward's way out. Maybe Beth was right about you, after all.

"You didn't cause a scene," Bucky said, ordering you both another drink. "That being said, I didn't hear most of the argument, but I did see you hit Beth."

You winced a little and rubbed your palm against your thigh. It was the first time you ever hit someone. "I'm sorry for slapping her."

"Don't be. She deserved it," he said under his breath.

You didn't expect him to say that.

"Your dad is worried, you know," he said, surprising you again. "Said you aren't answering his calls."

"No, I'm not. I don't know what to say to him," you admitted, finally taking out your phone to glance at it. You had missed calls and texts from your dad and Beth, but you refused to listen to the voicemails or look at the messages. "I don't get it."

"What do you not get?" He asked curiously when you finally took your drink.

"Them," you said, allowing the alcohol to burn your throat again. "I don't get them together. Beth isn't. Well, she's not…"

"Your mother?" he guessed.

You looked in your lap with a sigh.

"No, she isn't, but maybe that isn't a bad thing. She won't try to be your mom. Just a partner to your dad," he said. Was your dad someone who could ground her? Was she someone who could make him feel younger? "They're consenting adults. And your dad is lonely. Has been for years."

It sounded like he was trying to placate you, but something in his voice kept you from calling him out. You knew your dad was lonely. Beth said something similar about Bucky.

"I think Beth is bringing him out of his shell," Bucky gently added.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve hardly seen them in months,” you mumbled.

“They should’ve made time for you,” he said, putting his hand over yours. You didn’t dwell on how nice his touch felt since he pulled away just as quickly. “I should have, too. I’ve missed seeing you around the place.”

It wasn’t his job to make time for you.

“You’ve missed me?” you questioned, warmth spreading in your face as he smiled. It was nice to hear that. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Though I have a feeling you won't want to stop by as much now to see me.”

"If I don't, it has nothing to do with you," you said.

"Sure," he smiled a little.

You examined him with a critical eye, trying to decipher what was going on in his head. Wouldn't it be awkward for him, too? Where was his anger at the situation? Was he hiding it?

"Why are you not upset? She's your daughter."

He gave you a wistful smile and had his drink. A drop of liquid stayed on his lip and you were tempted to wipe it away. Or lick it away. You couldn't act on those urges, especially after the way you went off on Beth. It would be hypocritical.

"Just because I’m not letting it show doesn’t mean I’m not upset. Truth is, I can’t control what Beth does. She stopped listening to me a long time ago. And if I tried to force her to let Dave go, it would make her want him more," he explained, his jaw twitching. "I had a few choice words for him since he kept it from you."

"Wait," you swung in your chair and almost landed in his lap. His hands gripped your arms to steady you, but he didn't let go. "Because he kept it from me? Not you?"

Bucky gave you a single nod, making your heart crack.

"So you knew?" you asked, sadness bubbling up this time instead of anger.

"I did. I’m sorry."

Why would they tell Bucky and not you? Did they expect him to be more mature? Was he the lesser of the two evils or worse?

“How long have you known?” you asked, moving off the stool with his help. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I’ve only known about their relationship for a couple of weeks,” he answered, trying to stop you when you put your phone in your bag. No wonder he wasn’t as upset. He had time to process the news. “Look, it wasn’t my place. You had enough on your mind with job interviews and I was-”

“You were what? Trying to protect me?”

“In a way, yeah,” he said, making you take a step back when he stood up. “I know how my daughter can be, but I didn’t expect them to pick your celebration dinner to tell you.”

“Tonight wasn’t about me,” you said with a bitter laugh. “It was never meant to be about me.”

Age gap and weirdness aside, you didn't want to say out loud that you felt pushed out. Your dad and Beth would be wrapped up in each other from now on. They already were. How would Beth be able to talk to you about romantic issues when those very issues involved your dad? Would your father make time for you? What if they decided to have a kid?

Were you wrong for thinking of yourself instead of being happy for them?

“Come here,” he whispered, embracing you in a comforting hug.

You were close to bursting into tears, shutting your eyes to keep them at bay. What were you supposed to do with the emotions you were feeling? And why did it feel so good to be in his arms?

“I don’t want to be mad at him,” you whispered.

“You won’t be mad at him forever. He’s your father,” he said, leaning in close so his lips brushed your ear. “But he isn’t your daddy, is he?”

Your eyes slowly opened at his words.

“You want me to be your daddy?”

You nearly stumbled back, your eyes wide as you looked at him. There was no playfulness in his gaze. Nothing to give away that it was a joke. You heard him wrong or imagined that because there was no way he would ask you that. Maybe those couple of shots got to you quicker than you thought.

“What did you say?” you asked.

“You heard what I said,” he said evenly.

You laughed as you backed away more. It had to be a joke and you weren’t in the mood for games. So why wasn’t he laughing with you?

“Whatever that was, I-I can’t process this right now. I need air. I need to go home.”

“You’ve been drinking,” Bucky pointed out as you began to walk to the side door. “I can take you. Let me take care of you.

“You’ve been drinking, too,” you said over your shoulder. “I’ll call a cab.”

“Wait!”

You pushed the door open and welcomed the cool air as you walked down the alley. It didn’t bother you since the alcohol warmed you a bit. It was dark, except for the glow of the neon lights. The perfect cover to hide your oncoming tears.

You turned around when you heard footsteps behind you, but didn’t speak when you saw Bucky a few feet away. What would you say to him? It was difficult to think with him watching you, the air thick with tension. The longer his gaze lingered on you, the harder it was to breathe. If he noticed your hand shaking when you wiped at your eyes, he didn't point it out.

Such a gentleman.

"You're not going home until you talk to me," he said, taking another step toward you.

"You can't keep me out here all night. There. I spoke to you."

"That isn't what I meant and you know it. You're pissed about everything, I get it, but don't act like I'm the bad guy here."

"You're not the good guy either," you snapped, pointing back at the bar. “What the hell was that in there? Asking to be my daddy?”

“You know how relieved Dave was that I didn’t beat the shit out of him over Beth? Or that I didn’t push him away as a friend? You know why I didn’t?” he asked, avoiding your question. “Because I’d be a fucking hypocrite.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’ve wanted you since I walked into your dorm room your freshman year.”

The air rushed out of your lungs. A man who is practically sex on legs wanted you. Someone off limits and you could never have.

“Beth never wanted a stepmom and the women I dated didn’t want a bratty daughter. I almost gave up on dating and then I saw you. You were right in front of me and I couldn’t have you because you were half my age and living with my daughter,” he explained.

You thought back over the years, searching for signs in the memories that he wanted you. The late, quiet nights together. His interests in your studies. How he used to joke with your dad that the reason you didn’t date much was because the boys weren’t good enough for you.

“Been almost five years and I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve tried to be good. What’s stopping us now?”

“I. That’s not. We.” Why couldn’t you form a coherent sentence? “You’re a good man and a good looking man, but you’re Beth’s dad.”

Bucky’s bitter laugh chilled you more than the cool air.

“So, you’re going to pretend that you don’t want me? That you haven’t wanted me all these years and I’ve just imagined the looks and want between us?” he demanded, every bit the confident man you grew used to seeing. “Say you don’t want me and we’ll forget this whole thing.”

You couldn’t say that.

“Say I do want you,” you said carefully. “We just can’t.”

You backed up when he strode forward and wrapped his hand around your wrist. The touch was gentler than you expected as he turned and backed you against the wall, your bag unceremoniously falling to the ground. You were forced to look at him when he gripped your chin, pressing his body closer to yours. His eyes flickered between your gaze and trembling mouth and you wondered if he heard how fast your heart pounded.

Were his eyes always such a dark shade of blue or did you ignore the lust hidden beneath the surface?

"Why can’t we, hmm?" he asked, firmly keeping your head in place when you tried to avert your gaze. "Is it because you’re scared? You don’t have to be.”

You were scared as hell. Bucky is a man. Experienced.

"Aren't you tired of being good? I know I am."

You thought back to Beth’s previous words. How she had the balls to go after what she wanted and you needed to do the same. What better time to start than now?

You pressed your lips against his and it didn’t take him long for his tongue to slip in, tasting the whiskey as he devoured you. He moaned when your hands moved down his torso, allowing you to divulge in the thing you both denied yourselves. Some twisted part of you mourned what you could’ve had for months had you simply stopped being a good girl.

Were you truly good to begin with?

The line of his hard cock pressed against you as he rocked his hips and kissed down your neck. “This isn’t how I pictured it, but I can’t fucking wait.”

“How did you picture it?” you whimpered, rolling your hips back against his.

“I’d rather show you later,” he whispered, lightly biting down. It wasn’t hard enough to break the skin, but enough that pain and pleasure lingered. “You have no idea what I’m going to do to you.”

He moved away enough to push your dress up around your hips, shocking you when he tore your panties off. Tucking the ruined fabric into his pants pocket, he slipped his hand back between your thighs. His fingers were cool against your slick folds and you shamelessly writhed, needing everything he was willing to give you.

“Did you touch yourself at night wishing I’d show up and fuck your pretty pussy until you cried for me? Hmm?” He said, kissing you again as you whined. The light scratch of his beard made you shiver as he nipped your bottom lip. “Tell me you want my cock.”

Your head spun at his demand. You weren’t a virgin, but the guys you had been with before weren’t big on dirty talk. Unless they talked about how amazing their cocks were.

They weren’t.

“I want your cock,” you whined against his lips, desperate for him.

You wanted him to fill you up until you were sore, aching, and forgot why you were so upset in the first place.

“I’ll give it to you,” he promised.

Your fingers twisted in his shirt when he slid his fingers into your wet slit. You couldn’t recall a time in your life you felt this hot and slick. And feeling one finger push inside, you were sure this was nothing more than an erotic, dirty dream.

“Fuck, you’re tight. And you’re gonna let me fuck you against this wall, aren’t you?” he asked as you nodded. “Dirty girl. My dirty girl now.”

His finger twisted as he added another and you nearly smacked your head against the wall, but his other hand came up to soften the blow. “Bucky,” you gasped.

“I don’t know if you really want my cock,” he teased, moving his long fingers deep. “Might need to hear it one more time.”

As if you weren’t practically riding the thick digits at this point and moaning in the dark alleyway, he really needed to hear you say it again? The squelching sound of your pussy wasn’t loud enough? But your body liked his teasing. Loved his demands.

“Please, I need your cock. Please, Bucky. Please.” you begged, almost sobbing when he took his fingers out.

“But you said we can't do this. Isn't that what you said?” he asked.

When you opened your mouth to answer, he pushed his wet fingers inside.

“Taste yourself and try to say you don't want me. I dare you,” he whispered, wiping some of the bittersweet juices on your tongue. His fingers slipped free as you gaped at him, watching as he licked the remainder with a groan. “Even sweeter than I imagined.”

The sound of him unbuckling his belt snapped you out of your stupor. “Bucky, I’m-”

“On the pill and clean. I know,” he cut you off as he took his cock out and stroked himself. “I need to fill you up, pretty girl. Need to make you mine, the way I should’ve a long time ago.”

You struggled to keep yourself upright as he guided himself between your legs, holding your hip steady when he pushed the head in. You weren’t nearly stretched enough to take him, but your greedy pussy didn’t care as he slipped in inch by inch. You moaned as he kept pushing until he was fully sheathed inside you. You had never felt so full and likely never would again.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pressing his forehead against yours as your walls pulsed around him.

In the dark place in the back of your mind you kept locked away, you wondered how he looked and sounded when he was pleased. If he gasped when he came or if his eyes rolled back. You were going to find out though, weren’t you?

You cried out when he thrust, one hand moving up to grip his hair. The quick, hard motions felt as desperate as you did inside. You didn’t care if it was fast or dirty. You were tired of being clean. This wasn’t tender or making love. It wasn’t soft touches and kisses to your breasts or slowly building you up.

It was Bucky Barnes fucking you against an alley wall.

“Fuck, are you always this wet or is it just for me?” he asked in awe, pulling one of your legs around his hip to shove his cock in deeper. “Do I have to chase anyone else off?”

You didn’t hear the words as you cried out. It felt so good to be taken like this. The rage, hurt, confusion, all of it molded into ecstasy. You never wanted it to end.

A light smack to your thigh pulled you back to the present.

“Tell. Me. You’re. Mine.” The gravel in his voice grew with each punctuated thrust.

“I’m yours,” you moaned, helpless to the onslaught and uncaring of the implication in the moment.

Your response encouraged him to move faster, kissing you deeply with a groan. His thrusts became almost punishing, like he had to feel you let go so he could come. It wouldn’t take much more with your orgasm building the way it was. You’d be surprised if his cock wasn’t coated in your wetness once you came.

“I-I’m gonna…” you trailed off.

“I know, pretty girl,” he grunted, gripping your chin again. “Be good and come for Daddy.”

Your body seized up before you exploded with pleasure. You struggled to hold yourself up as you trembled with bliss, your vision going white from the intensity. It was so much at once and you thought you might sob from how good it felt.

“Good girl. My good fucking girl,” he encouraged as he fucked you through it, the obscene sounds drowning out your whimpers. He tipped over the edge after a few more thrusts, coating your wet walls. “Fuck, take it.”

He managed to hold you up as he finished, panting as his head fell back. Your grip on his jacket loosened as the reality of the situation sank in, like a bucket of cold water being washed over you. Why did pleasure have to be short lived?

You fucked Bucky. You let Bucky fuck you. How could you cross that line? Just because Beth and your dad had done so, why did you think you could?

God, what were you going to tell them? That you were the biggest hypocrite alive? That you were no better than they were?

What goes around, comes around.

“Hey,” he whispered when he lifted his head, both of you still breathing heavily. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“It’s not okay,” you whispered as he pulled out of you, your mixed release dripping down your thighs. You covered your face as he fixed your dress and himself. “Oh, my god.”

You flinched and dropped your hands when he pulled you away from the wall. His expression was unreadable as he shrugged his jacket off and slipped it over your shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said again.

“W-We can’t do that again,” you whispered as he bent down to retrieve your bag.

"Why not?" he asked, picking up some of the contents that fell out before he stood up.

"Because we can't," you said with no strength behind your words.

“We’re doing this again. You can’t avoid me or this,” he said, pointing between the two of you.

“Your daughter is marrying my dad. This whole thing is fucked up and-”

“And I said I'm tired of being good. I’m fucking tired of denying myself the chance to be happy,” he said firmly as he got in your face. “So are you. I know it."

You pulled the jacket tighter around you, not backing away as he stared at you. Did you shake from the sudden cold, your orgasm, or from the thought that he wasn’t about to let you go?

His gaze softened before he kissed your forehead. “Let’s get a cab and I’ll take you home. We can talk about it once you’ve rested.”

You let him take your hand, your feet moving on their own accord to follow him to the end of the alley. “I can get home on my own.”

You needed to be alone so you could figure out what to do about everything.

“You said you’re mine, didn’t you?” he said, smiling when you stopped. “And what kind of Daddy would I be if I didn’t take care of you?”

Would love to explore more of this new pairing. 😏 Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

#I’m not saying men are always the problem but like #men are always the problem tbh #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader

4K notes · View notes

liquidstar · 2 years ago

Note

hey! i’d love to learn about re:zero! well, not learn exactly but i’m thinking of maybe getting into it so i dunno, i’d love to know what sorta stuff you enjoy about it and everything 🤧 also, same anon who sent you that ask about wanting to be mutuals! so, hello!

Omg hiiii anon! It’s nice to see you again! Please feel free to send asks or even message me any time ^_^ I’m sorry I took a while to get to this but I didn’t have time to type a lot earlier and was on mobile… but i would SO love to talk about what i like about the series (and a little bit of what i dislike, its got its fair share of understandable turnoffs but ill get to that part later- ill make a little tw list too)

But first i totally wanna share what about it i find compelling and fun as a story. I’ll put it under a cut here so I don’t clog ppl’s dashes tho hehe. I wrote... A lot actually. Like a lot a lot. Sorry .-. You can just kind of skim it if you want I don't want to make you feel like you have to read this fucking novel I wrote lol but here it is

First of all i think what made me agree to watch the series despite my preconceptions of it as a typical isekai harem was that its actually a deconstruction of that genre. “Deconstruction” often gets misused in anime circles to just mean “a genre but with a dark twist” so at first i thought it might just be a typical isekai harem but slightly edgier… but no it actually is a proper deconstruction! It takes the typical tropes of its genre and breaks them down, exposing the issues with the genre and its viewers (i.e. nerdboys wanting escapism).

The premise on it’s own is relatively simple, it’s about a boy who gets transported to a fantasy world and discovers that he has been given a power that lets him reset time every time he dies. It gets a bit more complex from there, there’s some really cool lore that makes the world feel like it existed before subaru came to it (many isekai cant do this). And the themes of the series are actually pretty dense, which is a LOT of fun for me and the main thing i like about it tbh. So im going to talk about each one of the major themes here (and try to keep it as spoiler-free as i can!)

Escapism

One of the most important themes of the series is fantasy vs reality. Subaru, as the main character, is set up exactly like the typical nerdboy getting an isekai powerfantasy harem, and he’s genre-aware at that. When he first gets transported to another world, he instantly picks up on what's happening, and he thinks its going to go a certain way for him.

In fact, because of the media he’s consumed in his life, he thinks he’s ENTITLED to an isekai powerfantasy and feels robbed when things end up being much more grim. For the first few arcs he can come off as annoying, he’s trying very hard to act like his idea of a “main character” and he has a tendency to reduce the people around him to tropes. He projects his will onto them, he does what he thinks a hero would do regardless of what they say. In the 3rd arc he becomes borderline unlikable (intentionally so) after a fight with emilia, and the real turning point of him as a character is whether he chooses reality or fantasy in this arc. He could go back to escaping, or he could face whats real.

After this point in the story he begins to truly develop more as a character too, seeing the people around him as PEOPLE makes him more complete as well, and on a meta level this is also where we start to get his real backstory and characterization outside of just being the “isekai guy.” It’s like the story is telling him that he earned it, but it doesn’t feel like a sudden shift. If anything it feels like everything else about him makes MORE sense in retrospect.

But one thing that was always made clear was that subaru hated himself. A lot. He was a shut-in loser with terrible depression and anxiety, he used to get panic attacks just at the idea of going to school. He preferred to escape in his bedroom and avoid it all, and although his parents loved him very very much, deep down, he always thought they should just hate him instead. He thinks everyone should just hate him instead, which is why he tries so hard. It can be cringy to watch, but knowing where this energy of his comes from as a character makes sense…

He never really learned how to deal with people, he’s selfish and entitled to what media promised him. In this sense the story is screaming at you that NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU USE THESE POWERFANTASIES TO ESCAPE, REAL LIFE PEOPLE WILL NOT TREAT YOU THIS WAY. THEY WILL HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES AND WILLS THAT YOU CANT CONTROL AND THEY DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING JUST BECAUSE YOURE NICE TO THEM!!

This theme is even moreso evident when it comes to the woman in subaru’s life so lets talk about…

Gender

subaru’s habit of projecting his own desires onto other people makes him place the girls around him into obsequious roles, he objectifies them, treats them like tropes in a video game. The message that the story wants to convey is fairly obvious, that you can’t treat real life women the same way you treat your fictional characters. And that they don’t owe you anything just because you’re nice to them. This is partly what emilia and subaru’s aforementioned fight was about, and it’s important that she only accepts his love after he treats her like a human being. She doesn’t want special treatment or to be placed on a pedestal. This theme kind of went over a lot of nerdboys heads because they wanted to jerk off to rem, who actually presented the “fantasy” ideal- kind of ironic…

On the flip side too, subaru tries very very hard to fit into masculine ideals of heroism (often emulating his father who was an athlete). He thinks he has to be a certain way and act a certain way. Though once he breaks out of this shell he actually ends up being more… Just himself. He’s not afraid to let emilia be the hero, he even compliments her for being “manly” (which she doesnt take as an insult and they have a cute laugh about) and in the ln takes up dressing femininely as something he was afraid to do in earnest before- previously seeing it as a joke.

Whats also notable about emilia is that shes one of the five dragon priestesses thats running as a candidate in the royal selection- that might have just been word soup, but what it basically means is that she and four other girls are running to become ruler of the country. The title that they earn is actually KING of legunica, not queen. This serves as a nice contrast to the room emilia was locked in during her childhood, the princess room.

Its a fantasy story so archetypes like kings and princesses and knights are all present but its more so about what those archetypes represent. The knights are the heroes, that masculine ideal subaru wanted to live up to. He claims to be one without earning it, which gets him beat the hell up by a real knight, julius. Whos also an interesting character in this regard, he’s the “knight of knights” and puts a lot of pressure on himself chivalrous, and subaru is incredibly jealous. Though eventually they grow closer and idk they’re kinda… hm. Anyway there’s also reinhard, another knight who is so ridiculously overpowered that its a joke. Like, one of his powers is he’s blessed to never eat anything too salty. He IS the overpowered isekai protagonist that subaru wanted to be, but unlike julius, subaru kind of admires reinhard (they got off on a better foot). But reinhard himself… the truth is hes so very isolated and trapped, he grew up with a terrible family and because of his powers the kingdom pretty much owns him, he has no freedom. This aspiration is a leesh.

Mean while other candidates are all interesting in their own ways and also all represent some different ideologies (incase youre wondering the emilia camp is. communism.) but the ones most relevant to the gender theme is probably the crusch camp because… actually its kind of a lot, not all of it depicted well, but not necessarily horribly either. The basic idea is that crusch and ferris are two characters who “swapped” gender performances, though the series may still posit that their actual identities are still their agab this isnt exactly that simple (especially in the ln) and i personally think its a case of a cis author not really knowing how trans people work. Crusch behaves in a more masculine role until their memories are wiped and suddenly starts to behave like a “regular girl”- this is meant to be strange and upsetting because its NOT CRUSCH so i actually think thats well done enough. Ferris is… well, not a character i want to speak as an authority on, i think they could have been handled better, but it could have also been worse. I do like that in the ln they directly dispute the notion that ferris “dresses like a girl” to attract/trick men, at least.

The series does genuinely seem to want to pick apart some gender norms though, and though i am critical of the ways it fumbles the ball i do enjoy the themes, especially as a deconstruction story. Its NOT perfect and i think one of my biggest gripes with it is that despite this “dont objectify” theme, a lot of the female characters designs are pretty sexualized! Mostly not to an absurd degree, i actually think the maid outfits are cute, but sometimes i feel like it can detract rather than add. You could make the case that its saying “even if theyre dressed like this bla bla” but i think thats a reach… at the very least though theres not that much fanservice despite the outfits, things arent usually framed weirdly just to get tits or ass in frame and all. I think the most the was was a scene in the ova where emilia and rem hug and their boobs touch

One way that the themes do come full circle though is with the emilia and subaru’s first kiss. Their first fight was about subaru denying emilia her personhood by ignoring her will in favor of his own. They have another fight that calls back to this but this is AFTER subaru has character development and one way that he proves to her that he loves her is by getting explicit consent for the kiss (verbally and physically) beforehand- it wasnt just an example of “a kiss solves all the problems” but a demonstration of how far hes come as a character, not assuming that playing out movie tropes alone will fix stuff but actually caring about what she wants.

Memories/Identity

Speaking of losing memories, that’s also a huge theme in the story. The idea is that your memories are your identity isn’t exactly unique, but what i like a lot about how the series does it is how OTHER peoples memories of you matter just as much as your own. It’s what i call “self-recognition through the other.”

Your identity is molded through how people around you perceive you, and how you perceive those perceptions in turn. Not just about how you see yourself, but how you see other people seeing you. That’s why there are two types of amnesia in the series, one where you forget your own identity and one where people forget who you are. Those are the two things that make you… you! So when a character loses one, they lose half of themselves. When they lose both… they stop existing. They enter a comatose state and are just a “null”- something that never was and yet is right here.

The theme of subaru projecting his will onto other people has to do with this- subaru hates himself so he can only bare to recognize himself through the projection.

The show especially has a LOT of shots of characters being reflected in each other’s eyes, making it clear that whats going on here isnt just a character being seen, but also a character seeing themselves through another person.

One example, heres a scene where subaru is yelling at emilia, he screams at her and calls her useless and tells her she cant save everyone. Throughout the entire scene we dont see subaru’s face, only emilia’s reaction, and when she starts to talk she just says “why are you crying?” and the scene changes to a close up of her eye, subaru reflected in it, crying. He wasn’t really yelling at emilia, he was yelling at himself through her.

Another way memories come into play is because of subaru’s return by death power. Its an isolating power, because when he dies and resets the timeline… his friends forget about him. From subarus perspective these are people he was close with, people hes been friends with for at least a month (in total) but who have no memory of him. Its part of why he blows up at emilia, hes frustrated that his friends cant remember such important memories because to them.. THEY NEVER HAPPENED!!! These are things that only subaru will remember. In arc 2 when he grows close to rem and ram over time and they just keep forgetting about him… it hurts him a lot because his friends just suddenly stop seeing him as a friend. Its not their fault, but its not his either. And they can never fully help him through the trauma because he cant tell anyone the shit hes been through, the power wont let him.

But from THEIR perspectives… its scary. Its scary when some guy you dont know acts so familiar, acts like you OWE him something when you have no idea what hes talking about. Something you cant remember. Of course emilia is horrified when he starts lashing out, she has no idea whats going on!

Whats interesting is that the SAME THING happens to subaru later on… through the witch of envy. She claims that she loves him, in fact thats all she says, “i love you, i love you, i love you” but subaru doesnt know her. He has no idea who she is, hes terrified of someone who loves him so much for things he doesnt remember. Yeah, doesnt feel so good huh?

7(+2) deadly sins

Each arc of the series actually focuses around subaru making a choice that’s centered around overcoming a deadly sin, and there are also several characters representing the deadly sins, including the two that pope gregory got rid of (vainglory and melancholy). There are the witches of sin, as well as the archbishops that represent those sins. What I find the most interesting is how these sins relate back to the theme of identity through the way their powers are represented as well as the ways their respective arcs are handled.

Gluttony is the most obvious, it’s framed as a sin where you “consume” another person's identity for your own sake, or take it on completely, without regard for them and how they’ll get dulled or lose their own sense of self devoid from you.

Greed is about a desire for connection, which in moderation can be a good thing, but it can also become possessive and entitled. It’s literally objectifying, treating someone else like your possession. On the flip side, placing that desire above all else can also lead to the detriment of your own well-being as well as those around you.

Lust doesn’t just refer to the sexual connotation, but about love in general. Specifically about using love as leverage to take advantage of and manipulate people, even by force, and even down to their sense of self.

Wrath also isn’t just about anger, it’s about intense emotions in general, and what happens when you project these emotions onto other people, and how this can become a cycle of amplifying these emotional projections back and forth until the person’s identity has been consumed by them.

Sloth can be taken as being slothful in your relationships, not just romantic ones but to the people around you. Neglecting or abandoning them when things get hard, especially if they really need you. Choosing escapism over reality.

Pride seems to be about the arrogant assumption that your perspective of another person is the correct one, and treating them the way that you see fit based on that. You’re in the right, so if you decide they deserve to be punished then it must be justified.

Envy is also about the possession of others, similar to greed but with a much more targeted and controlling nature. The jealousy that comes with it is one that forces the object of desire into being isolated, lonely and unfulfilled, unable to form any true bonds with others.

Melancholy is the one we’ve seen the least of, but it seems to be about forcing your negativity onto others, hurting not just yourself but also other people through your own depression and apathy.

Vainglory is gaslighting. Despite being as mysterious as melancholy, the metaphor is obvious. It’s manipulating another person's entire perspective and reality to fit your narrative, to manipulate them into what you want them to be.

Basically because of the series's themes of identity and projection, the biggest sin you could commit towards another person or even yourself is warping that.

Suicidality

Suicidality is present throughout the entire story. Of course it is! Our escapist mean characters superpower is to fucking die! But it’s more than that… Subaru hates himself. He wants to die. He didn’t consider himself to have a life before, and now he sees himself as an even bigger loser for all the trauma hes gone through and all that hes lost. Even in reflecting on the person he was. In the 4th arc especially he makes it clear how little he values his own life, especially because of how much he cares about his friends (at this point, yes, he sees them as people and loves them more than anything). But hes so traumatized, so down on himself for all his failures, and he cant die no matter how hard he tries.

This theme isn’t limited to him, in fact the same exact thing is true of beatrice, an immortal spirit girl who was abandoned inside a library for 400 years. They actually end up having a very very sweet sibling dynamic later on, but whats more important is that theyre both hypocrites. Subaru wants to save beatrce, he doesnt want her to die. Beatrice doesnt want subaru to die and repeatedly saves him, which he screams at her for. Beatrice begs him to kill her, he wont do it. They both want to save each other from each other but dont want to be saved themselves.

Rem is also an interesting example of suicidality- shes not as outwardly suicidal as beatrice and subaru but she does have a very very very severe inferiority complex, and very intense feelings of guilt and shame for never being enough, only being a replacement for her displaced sister, the literal reincarnation of a god. Rem falls for subaru because he sees her as her own person, for the first time ever (the only other person to do that is ram, but rem feels too guilty to see it) but what makes her feelings interesting is that she sees subaru as her “reason to die”. NOT LIVE! Rem only sees herself as someone worth discarding, if she can die for subaru than she would die happy. Its her excuse. What many many many people overlook about rem is just how unhealthy her ideas about love are, shes so mischaracterized! And its sad because of how interesting and thematically important her arc is… boiled down to a love triangle! Augh!

Stars

I love star themes in stories!!! This is honestly pretty obvious given that I have my own set of star-themed ocs, but i’ll try to put them aside for rn to talk about this lol. First of all subaru loves stars a lot, its something I like about his character too- he’s not just a typical nerdboy who likes anime and games, he has other unique personal interests like mythology and astronomy! Of course he does, his name actually comes from the stars, that’s where his love of them comes from. Subaru is the japanese name for the pleiades star cluster and the individual stars of become relevant later.

Beyond subaru there are plenty of characters whose names come from the stars, though not always directly.

For example all of the witches of sin (aside from one) are named after astroids. Echidna, Minerva, Sekhmet, Daphne, Typhon, Carmilla, Pandora, and Hector. The exception to this rule is Satella, the witch of envy, who was always an odd-one-out. Her name could mean either star or satellite (like an asteroid!). And all the sin archbishops are also named after stars, and the names of the stars actually directly correlate to what their powers are.

There are also plenty of other ways characters names often tie into stars and mythology, but not always- sometimes theyre just puns. For example, emilia comes from the latin “emilius” which means… Jealous.

Other stuff

Re:zero actually has a lot of different content, one of the coolest to me, because of how they expand on the series’ themes, are the what:if routes. I didnt talk abt them in the above bc i thought it would get too confusing, but theyre basically alternate routes for the story. What WOULD HAVE happened if subaru had made the wrong choice, if the thematic sin of the arc won. So far, and in order, there’s

Pride:if

Wrath:if

Sloth:if

Greed:if

Gluttony:if

There will probably be more in the future, whats funny is that theyre written and posted on april fools day… aka subaru’s birthday!

Theres also ovas which i think are important to watch before season 2, and one that takes place mid-season-1 so my watch order rec is actually

Season 1 episodes 1-11

Memory snow ova (lighthearted and fun!)

Season 1 episodes 12+

Frozen bonds ova (emilia backstory!)

Season 2

Theres also a directors cut version of the show but its basically just two episodes stitched together w some mild animation improvements and ONE scene added at the end (Which gets repeated in season 2 anyway) so which one you watch doesnt make a difference

After that, if you want, you can pick up the light novel at arc 5. Arc 6 s the best one imo but i havent read arc 7 yet (bear that in mind for the tw list)

Anyway now that i talked about the themes, and before i get to the tws, i want to talk about

The characters!!!!

Easily one of the best parts of the series. I feel like I’ve mostly talked about subaru and emilia here but thats because if i were to get Into It with each of these characters on their own we’d be here all day (and this is already so long!) they all have a lot of personality and are genuinely very complex and interesting characters so ill just give little blurbs to explain them here

Subaru: I’ve talked enough about here. I want to say that i genuinely like him a lot as a character, after his growth and development he’s so likable and fun and you just kind of want to protect him

Emilia: A silver-haired half-elf, she’s hated for looking like the witch of envy, a figure from history so repulsive people won’t even say her name. People call her a half-devil, say that she doesn’t deserve to live, that her birth was a crime. But emilia is a kind girl, she wants to change the world so that everyone is equal and no one is treated like she is. She’s also very strong, her ice magic is incredibly powerful and so so so deadly in some really cool and creative ways.

Puck: Emilia’s spirit! He loves emilia so much that he would literally kill everyone in the world and then himself if anything happened to her. For real.

Rem: So mischaracterized by the fanbase! Poor rem! She’s both sweet and also not afraid to cut a bitch at any given point. But for the most part she also kind of hates herself, seen as the lesser of the two oni sisters, she could never live up to ram. One day though, the tables turned, and rem had to take ram’s place, though she only felt guilt and shame for it. Seeing herself as nothing but a replacement, time stopped for her the fiery night her sister’s horn was cut off.

Ram: Also often mischaracterized as being “tsundere” though thats far from the truth- She’s actually just a straight up cunt. Her main character trait is that she’s bluntly honest no matter what, so when she’s being a bitch she means it. She used to be the reincarnation of the oni god (and technically still is) but when her horn was cut off she lost the ability to control these powers. She often gets seen as being “lazy” by other characters, but the truth is that she’s in constant pain because of this. Despite that, she was a little bit happy too when she was finally released from the pressures of a god.

Beatrice: The guardian of the forbidden library, she was abandoned there a long long time ago. Now she only sits and waits for someone to find her, save her, kill her. She can come off as being bratty, but the truth is that she’s very lonely and also afraid to let people in.

Roswaal: The margrave of the estate… He’s so very fucked up in the head… There’s not too much I can say without giving away some major plotpoints but that make-up isn’t there for nothing, he really is a fucking clown.

Otto: A merchant that eventually joined the emilia camp. He spent the first decade of his life completely mute, saying that the world used to be a hellish place of harsh noise for him. Eventually this changed- when he gained his divine protection of spirit voice. Meaning he can talk to animals! And other things. After some loops he ends up becoming a very very devoted friend to subaru, someone he can always confide in.

Garfiel: Sort of a wildcard, but despite everything he actually does have a heart of gold. And everything about him actually makes more sense when you learn he’s actually fourteen. He’s can also transform into a tiger which is pretty sick. And he has mommy issues!

Frederica: Garfiel’s older sister, she works as a maid for the roswaal estate but has taken a leave. She’s very sweet and motherly, especially to garfiel and petra. And she can transform into a lion which again is pretty sick.

Petra: A child from the village who ended up joining the emilia camp as a maid-in-training. I’m not going to lie I think she’s only there so there’s a cute kid that needs protecting and so that we can be devastated when she dies in any given loop. It kind of works

(now onto non-emilia-camp-members)

Anastasia: Don’t let her cute appearance fool you, she’s a cutthroat capitalist through-and-through. A former merchant looking to become the next king of legunica.

Julius: Anastasia’s knight, the knight of knights. Everything about him screams “chivalry” but in reality that’s a weaning facade. He and subaru don’t get along much at first, but eventually they end up with a really close bond. Subaru is kind of tsundere about it though lol

Crusch: The most militant of the royal selection candidates, crusch is sort of a hard-ass through and through… In fact they’re pretty much just looking to run a meritocracy, and subaru himself calls out the fact that crusch would be a good leader if not for abandoning the weak.

Ferris: Crusch’s knight, Ferris is playful and sometimes a smartass. Also granted the title of “blue” for their status as the best healer in the country.

Wilhelm: Crusch’s butler. He seems like just some old man but in reality he’s badass lol

Reinhard: The current sword saint, and wilhelm’s grandson. He’s the most OP man in existence, but he has so so many family issues, growing up with a terrible family situation and being blamed for his grandmas death. On top of that he lacks freedom and choice, being bound to being a knight for the kingdom. Making it fitting that he’s representing the candidate looking to abolish the current system, Felt.

Felt: A former thief from the slums, she was selected as a dragon priestess and chose to run in the royal selection… Because she wants to destroy the structures in place. She hates the nobility, she hates the knights, and she’s going to burn it all down. She wants anarchy and she’s got my vote.

Rom: Felt’s grandpa <3 well, adoptive, but still. Their cute little found family is actually adorable and I want them to be so happy. He’s also a giant.

Priscilla: She’s such a bitch. But like, it’s also really funny how much of a bitch she is. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and her powers of luck make it so that everything always works out for her, no matter what. Basically she’s just aiming for totalitarianism, for all her whims to always be obeyed

Al: Priscilla’s knight, he’s pretty much just there to give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. What's the most interesting about him though is that… he’s from earth. Like, our earth. Subaru isn’t the only one. In fact there are at least two historical figures that are also from earth.

(now for antagonists)

Elsa: The first real threat subaru encounters, elsa is a vampire and assassin who’s been granted the nickname of “the bowel hunter” because of the way she… Well, she rips people’s guts out and loves to watch them die <3

Meili: Elsa’s little assistent, they actually see each other as sisters and care about each other. She’s also more than okay with a little murder despite being like 12, because that’s all she knows. And she has control over monsters which is awesome.

Petelguese: sin archbishop of the witches cult representing sloth. He’s actually out of his mind… But. There’s some legit backstory. All i will say is that his voice actor has some fucking range i swear. Also the way he’s animated is both horrifying and hilarious. Uncanny in just the right loony toons way

Satella: AKA the witch of envy, she’s sort of mysterious, sort of a contradiction.

Echidna: The witch of greed, an amazing manipulator. All she wants is to know everything, her greed is an insatiable thirst for knowledge and she has no morals.

Minerva: The witch of wrath. What makes her angry? The injustices of a cruel world, pain and suffering, hardship and strife. She’s angry because she cares so much.

Sekhmet: The witch of sloth, she drove a giant dragon (basically deities in legunica) to the other side of the great waterfall (a barrier considered impenetrable, no one knows whats beyond it) just so she could nap.

Daphne: The witch of gluttony, she created all the monsters that inhabit the world. Why? So that no one ever has to go hungry ever again. But she thinks it’s unfair to not give the monsters a chance to eat too.

Typhon: The witch of pride, the young daughter of an executioner. Watching person after person be put to death, she childishly and cruelly began to judge people’s lives on her own. She might be a kid but she’s horrifying.

Carmilla: The witch of lust, though not in a purely sexual sense. A vampire who was worshiped in her life- people went to war over her. She has no interest in love herself, however she does recognize how important love is and wants to help people realize it too.

Hector: The devil of melancholy, he’s a bit mysterious but the make takeaway is that he has depression.

Pandora: The witch of vanity, and THE most broken character in anything ever. Her powers are literally just speaking shit into existence. She’s like somesort of goddess, and like her namesake she’s trying to open a box right now…

Anyway.

Trigger warnings

Re:zero is a dark show with some heavy themes, and despite being a deconstruction its also not immune to some of the grosser things abt the isekai genre. Heres my list of things to be weary of (Aside from stuff that wasnt already mentioned) so…

A not insignificant amount of gore. Its not corpse party or anything, but there are guts and eyeballs flying out, as well as plenty of examples of limbs getting cut off or in one case twisted until they break. In the light novel the descriptions of the gore are more graphic. Subaru dies in all kinds of fucked up ways.. As well as the people around him really.

Theres some pretty graphic depictions of self harm, particularly finger mutilation by one of the antagonists. Subaru also has a habit of biting his lip until it bleeds and in the ln its very heavily implied that he cuts himself. And again plenty of his deaths were suicides.

It’s really not shown on-screen, but one of the antagonists says that when she was a child she was molested by a man while seeking shelter in a snow storm. She killed him though so theres that

Theres also a pretty gross scene (intentionally so) where echidna, a witch character, finds a young roswaal who had literally JUST THROWN UP and starts to… make out with him. Its literally so gross. On multiple levels. In-universe it was supposed to be to help heal him, but on a meta level i think it was just showing us how their dynamic was a bit... yeah. (Also if vomit in general grosses you out, subaru throws up a few times during the series… understandable. He is so so traumatized)

Speaking of roswaal, hes like, 100+ years old now, and ram is 18. and he burned down rem and rams entire village and took them in to work for him when they were kids. And ram STILL has romantic feelings for him. Girl you have stockholm syndrome!!! But at the very least roswaal doesnt reciprocate (as of rn. Hopefully never) and the other characters straight up tell her she has bad taste lol

Also just in general animals and children will die, sometimes brutally, and even though its usually reset it can still be upsetting to watch.

The series also isnt afraid to depict subaru has having Mental Issues. It can be assumed he developed PTSD from the Everything Going On. and its not afraid to show disassociation, especially in arc 6, he more or less develops DID (though a little misdescribed) but with like some fantasy aid. You could also see emilia as having repressed memories but again theres fantasy aspects to it. I dont think depicting these things is bad obviously but i know they can cause some ppl to have episodes. (I dont have DID or anything but for some reason after i read inside mari i was like completely disassociating for days it was weird).

But what i find the most unpleasant to watch is the “loli” characters in the show. For the most part i dont find it to be that egregious, so i can handle it. but i think the worst example by far is liliana… i honestly dont know if ill be able to watch arc 5 when she’ll actually be on-screen and ill have to look at her like… eugh. Shes 22 but looks like shes 12 and shes in a relationship with a grown man who the other characters call a lolicon. Its genuinely something i hate about the series but like everything else enough that i dont look directly at it (doesnt mean im not conscious and critical though, please dont mistake that as what im saying lol)

There’s gotta be more so I’ll add on if I remember but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

Despite all the things that I dislike though you gotta believe me when I say there's stuff I like.. I mean that's what this entire novel was about. This wasn't a an analysis or critique of the show in ANY way, despite how much i wrote i actually feel like i'd be doing it a huge disservice in that regard. No, it's just all the stuff that I like, and on a somewhat surface level too because I didn't want to give EVERYTHING away, though I know I still said a lot!

So yeah! :thumbs_up: if you wanna check it out and the tws dont make you too uncomfortable I say go for it. I understand it's not for everyone and thats okay ^_^

#i didnt get TOO much into ln specifics mostly just the anime

25 notes · View notes