#some of yall want to be offended so that you can be the victims so that you don't have to take responsibility or accountability

[nartml]

Some of you are trying to find misogyny where it doesn't exist because you want to be victims so bad

[vodkabread]

Pity

897 words, slight references to transphobia and assault, as well as direct references foster system abuse, not a detailed description.

“So, Lex, what is the best prompt you have been asked to act out?”

After a short pause to think I came up with my answer “A while ago I was asked to act as a caricature of how people who only know me from TV see me. That question made me think a lot, and I think I owe an explanation as to why I acted the way that I did, because I know it seemed really out of character for me.” deep breath in, and keep talking.

“I've been in the public eye for a long time, so I think yall can understand why telling me to make a caricature of what people see in me would be difficult. It depends on when you know me from, I may be a sweet 14 year old girl to you, or a standoffish 26 year old man. To each of you that may vary, but one thing is consistent from person to person, and that is pity.”

“But i don't-” the reporter so rudely cut in, as if to prove my point. As if to prove that he does not believe that I can handle what people think of me.

“Excuse you, I wasn't done talking, and I won't be for a while, so shut up.” Tapping my leg on the floor, I look around, many people seem confused, some seem surprised that I'm aware. All of the crowd that I am sitting on a stage in front of have the audacity to seem offended. I, of course, keep talking. Today I don't care who I offend. “It's a funny thing, pity is. It also happens to be all that people ever look at me with. The funny thing about that, is that they know that what you're going through is wrong, but they don't do anything to help you.”

Something that I have learned to recognize is when somebody gets hit with the realization that you know more than they gave you credit for. It's a depressingly common sight for me. Currently I can see it on the reporter, and on the faces of every one of the hundreds of people there in the Live Studio Audience. “When I was put in the foster system, I was pitied. They didnt know why I was in the foster system, or the abuse I faced in it, but the fact that I was in it at all was enough to pity me. When I had nowhere to go on my 18th birthday and all I got was an eviction notice, they pitied me. And when I went into the military just to have a roof over my head, and so that maybe, just maybe, I could pay for college, they pitied me. They raised such a fuss that ‘their little girl is being roomed with MEN’ and that I was sure to be abused, nevermind that I AM a man. And I was then too. And when I was abused, all I got was pity. They didn't even move me out of the same barracks as the people who hurt me. I had to stay with them for two years until I moved to Special Operations.”

“When I lost my leg and was discharged from the military, pity. When I developed depression and drug addictions due to lack of resources, pity. Somehow even when I adopted two children they managed to turn that into something that should be pitied.” 

“The funny thing is, pity doesn't help anyone. I don't see those people offering support, lobbying for change in the foster system, nevermind that we all know that the foster system needs to change. I don't see them donating to helping people who aged out of the foster system, or trying to better the treatment of trans people or victims of assault in the military, or even donating to better resources for veterans or general mental health resources even. I don't see them trying to help low income families or single parents either.”

“Pity is what people give when they feel bad for you, but they don't want to actually help. Pity is the rich man's easy way out. Pity does not feed those in need, and you know that. Pity has no substance if you do not back it with action.”

“I don't want your pity. But what I want doesn't matter, because that is all I will get anyways. And so, my caricature is a little man, afraid of the world, who should only ever be pitied, not helped.”

“And that is the best prompt I have ever been given, because it made me think, and it made all of you think about what I was saying.”

I'm finally done talking, blissfully free of interruption, watching the interviewer and the host of whatever late night talk show I'm on this time, I've honestly forgotten which at this point at this point I've been on so many, open and close his mouth silently, doing a fantastic fish impression as he tries to think of what to say. 

I've said all I needed to say, and it's clear that the rest of my time here will be spent playing along with bits that aren't funny, and answering stupid questions that everyone already knows the answer to. But I've gotten my point across, although I doubt that it will change anything. It never does.

[brutaliakent]

// Not Tim Drake friendly

Like idk how to start this but I'll just profess by saying that majority of what I talk about is about his fanon characterisation and if you get offended then in the nicest way possible idgaf

Like why is Tim so fucking infantalized in fanon like some of his fans so obsessed with making him oppressed and a victim when he's not. Its like him in comics canon and him potrayed by fandom by 90% of fics I've read are two totally different person.

He's like a mediocre person in comics at best, I dont like him but I dont mind him either. Also he is written as a misogynist and his treatment of his gfs is abominable but I let it slide cuz maybe it was the writers fault idk

But the way fans potray him to be this holier than thou- never doing anything wrong and smartest robin (cue eyeroll) is wild and wholey inaccurate cuz like he's not. Canonically they're all similar iq and they're all trained by a detective so they're quite good at it, Dick was a mathelete and Jason had solid GPA of 94.8 and Tim dropped out of school to search for Bruce. He is tech savvy and good at computers but he's not the only one from the batfamily to be that is he, I'd say Barbara is the best at that but don't forget Dick used to be a hacker too like I've seen some of yall treat him as this one dimensional sunshine person who has eldest daughter syndrome but like he also has temper and he's clever and sharp and if I'm not wrong he even as degree in Business in main dc universe but that's besides the point

Also headcanoning him as asian feels weird and very playing into stereotype of asians being this super smart people (when there's no proof he's anything but white in canon)

Fanon also for some strange reasons hold on to Jason and Damian trying to kill him and saying how much it would have caused him trauma while completely removing him from the scene except for that scenario. Let me explain for example Damian trying to kill him where they forget the instigator of some are Tim too like he was legit 17 yr old beefing with 10 yr old bffr, did we also collectively ignore him putting the same 10 yr old on a hitlist like... yall act like this was a buffet and you can pick and choose but the thing is that you can pick and choose what to accept from canon but if you're picking Tim being attacked by Dami then maybe mention what he did too instead of victimizing him

Just kinda throwing it in here cuz we're talking about it, Dick didnt fire Tim from Robin because of bad faith, I'm pretty sure it was Alfred who gave Damian the Robin suit first but Dick didnt want Tim to be Robin because Dick saw Tim as an equal rather than a sidekick.

Also the big deal of Jason's attack on Titans Tower irks me a little but like pls remember that Jason made a last minute decision to go there and just beat the shit out of Tim and that's it and it wasnt nice of him to do that but I support his wrongs too

Since we're talking about Titans Tower fics anyways I also find it incredibly peculiar that writers (fanfic) potray him much younger than he was like Tim was 17 during UTRH and around 19 during Teen Titans #29

(Also pretty sure like 99.9% sure that Jason calling Tim 'Replacement' also came from fanon and it was from j*yt*m shippers so like 😵���💫,, although Jason did call him 'Pretender' in Batman Hush a few times)

(Also highjacking this to talk about Pit madness cuz for some reason there are too many fics about it so like please remember that pit madness and the extent of it is just a fanon thing there is no proof of it happening for more than 5 mintues in canon and Jason was not the only one besides Ra's to use it but Cassandra has also been in the pit... So like yeah Jason did some fucked up shit post resurrection and he did it willingly no supernatural green pool was involved and its ok ❤️, like let him be his own person)

That went majorly off tangent,,, anyways also Tim was never abused physically or otherwise by his parents, they neglected him and child abandonment too for sure (ALSOOOO He spent more thanhalf of his school life in boarding school so it probably won't count as child abandonment but I dont know if its canon to main universe so I'm just putting it out there)

Adding to that is a fanfic issue that is around the potrayal of him in fics where Jason didnt die or wouldn't die and Tim joined the family early, most of those are pretty harmless and wholesome and this is not the critique of those writers so don't take personally but idk how it got so polarising and popular that Tim was a tiny kid and when he and Jason met younger (most fics I've read were from 3rd pov or Jason's pov) and in most of them it is stated that Tim is smaller for his age and Jason mistakes him for a younger age which just doesnt make sense. Like it would be one thing for someone else like Dick or Bruce to make that assumption and entirely different for Jason cuz CANONICALLY Jason was shorter at 15 than Tim was at 13 and it makes sense cuz Jason was malnourished which resulted in stunted growth rate, so like you're telling me that Jason at 15 saw 13 year old Tim and assumed he was 9 like it just doesnt make sense to me

And look this may be seen as nitpicks (and it probably is) but if it was in smaller quantity it could be ignorable but its everywhere and my patience is not endless and I'm fucking tired of him.

Also just to throw that in that all the bulleted points while in themselves alone may seem annoying but harmless, arent all of them together as fanon perception of him just infantalising him overall like its not they're true or anything...

Like lets be real Tim was just a blatant robin self insert, he was 13 when he went to a grieving father whos son was recently murdered and basically blackmailed him into making him robin cuz he thought "Batman needs a Robin" like dude you're 13... also can you imagine how Bruce must have felt in situation like but I dont think blaming Tim for this is right cuz he was a child and he didn't know better

Glorifying a white, rich (because yes he was rich enough to be neighbours with Wayne) character and demeaning and villanising a person of color and a dead poor person (cant keep track of how many times there's implied or outright said that Jason's death is his fault and how Tim's much smarter than Jason and better than him despite having no street smarts on him and being a trust fund baby)

Howevere, it'll be incredibly in poor taste to say that those weren't rooted in racism and classism [because they were] and its not Tim's fault his writers were disgusting but it is furthered and accepted and preached in fanon so like that's no excuse imo

Also if we include him with Robins he is not that special like he dont stick out ... and he terribly lacks any creativity and imagination like he took the mantle of robin and then red robin which like he didnt think through.

And like I'm not dismissing his trauma from attempts on his death but he was robin for 3-4 years before Jason tried to kill him I'm plenty sure he's used to his life being in danger comes with job description and if he didnt want that.. well nobody asked him he served himself on silver platter to be traumatised so yeah

So yeah fanon tim is my number one enemy and idc about him in canon and if you disagree with this please make your own post

This was a long vent of a short(lmao) list of just things that bother me

[aliensubstance-011]

Harry Osborn HCs by me >:]

Keep in mind that this is for TSSM Harry

Love that lil' guy. Also sorry for formatting I'm on my phone and I don't make posts much anyway lmao. ANYWAY.

- he's Trans!!! FTM (He/him) thank you v much and of course Norman got him the best/most expensive surgeries possible because him being an Ally is TSSM Norman's one redeeming quality and it's not even canon.

- after the explosion inside the helicopter at the end if S2, Harry is mostly deaf (mainly on his right side) and has to wear hearing aids to be able to hear anything more than muffled noise (uhh apologies if i got that wrong please correct me I'm trying to do better at just knowing stuff)

-He's gay (closeted), and at the point in S2 probably doesn't understand/realise yet... Everyone just kinda knows (including Gwen), and Flash and his group tease him for it, He's still oblivious though.

- Even though he just uses he/him pronouns he doesn't care what he wears, whether it's a dress or a full suit or anything. Because fuck gender roles. I do what i want.

- all of this is so focused in Gender + sexuality well NOT ANYMORE he loves to cook but cannot bake for shit. He just doesn't get it. His cooking is delicious however.

-He will probably grow his hair out a bit/experiment with it after Norman is gone, it's not unusual to see old pictures of him with long curly hair, shaved, with a fade, undercuts, pattern shaves ect ect ect. They all look really good on him because i said so. He doesn't dye his hair at all.

- let this boy have Therapy. Capital T Therapy. After Norman "dies" he gets counseling to help him with his grief and the councilor is just 'get this poor boy some full time therapy'

-He gets some tutors in and starts to work towards business school- he wants to fix the corruption in Oscorp before anything else. Yes it's not stated there's full corruption but c'mon it was run by Norman Osborn.

- It takes quite a few years, but eventually Oscorp is run by a good board of directors (is that the right thing??? Idk group of people who run the company lol) who report to Harry for executive decisions.

-Part of the proceeds from Oscorp go to many different charities. Kind of getting off topic from Harry here pfft

-After he can do his own thing, he opens up the Café (Coffee bean Café- I'm being serious there's an Harry Osborn who owned a Café in the comics, Raimi and Tasm! fans who don't know™. It's awesome) and uses the apartment above as a safehouse for abuse victims.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. I got very off topic. Hope yall liked it at least :)

Please let me know if I've written anything wrong/offended someone in someway. I'm just not v smart and I'm always open to critism.

[peaceeandcoolestvibes]

Así de directa o más, siempre con cariño 🩷🥰

And honestly don’t want to offend (check the hashtags and related to some of my posts today) but the times I’ve worked under a woman all of us have ended up quitting bc they’re insecure, a Karen and love gossiping 😮‍💨 (it was incredibly uncomfortable lmao) that until now, and honestly the times I’ve worked under men it wasn’t like this, pls

Most men are like ‘ook how can we tackle the issue? What’s the problem? How can we solve this?’ Unless they’re crybabies and the perpetual victim (men being in their feminine energy are big yikes)

Food for thought and pls in general some of yall need to stop being so controlling and wanting to be the star of the story, ngl we don’t care about you as much as you think

I once had an Scottish manager and he was flabbergasted he lost 2 top performers once under the management of a v incapable woman (sorry this is many people’s experience idc) and he actually asked me what the fuck happened (not like this bc he was being logical and wanted to solve the problem instead of gossiping and doing weird shit lmao)

Pls take notes and stop being such Karens, women

Also some content creators are always using the women vs men narrative and it’s boring AF,, we’re ALL PEOPLE LMAO #HereIAmBeingAContrarian #AlgoShouldAlsoDoBetter

A couple of days ago I went to an event and they were all men except me,, no problem with anyone MAHSJABSSB,, met a very lovely Catalan lady 💗💗💗💗💗 but she was in another sector,, comes to show that there are awesome people but some need to fucking stop w the division and do better #StopYappingAndMoveUrAss

🤩

Like the last experience is you dating someone’s ex (you’re always someone’s ex unless you’ve never dated) and women losing their marbles bc you’re better than them in paper and in reality,,, never had a male who I’ve broken up w do this, so when some women get dragged hard, they deserve it 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[deanstead]

Somebody’s Watching

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request by danipearl16: Request- Jay has a girlfriend that nobody knows about and then they get a case where she’s being stalked and her stalker is killings women that seem to remind him of her and it turns out to be her ex-boyfriend from high school and Jay starts going downhill a little bit because he’s worried about her. Also his girlfriend is more on the younger than his side by 7 years

Word Count: 4,365

Warnings: cursing, mention of sexual assault/misconduct (non-graphic), mention of non-con touching, stalking, minor OC death, mention of injury, angst, fluff

A/N: Please beware of the triggers before you continue reading! I changed some parts to fit into the storyline but I still hope you like what I did with it! I’m pretty excited about this fic so I really really hope yall will like it! It’s my first time writing such a detailed case in so I hope it turned out well? Please hit me up and let me know what you think! Love yall!

---

You looked up from where you were sprawled on the couch, fiddling with your phone. Jay was sitting at the table, a small frown across his face as he pored over case notes.

Jay usually didn’t bring his work home with him but they’d just closed a big case and he had spent a whole week in the district. So instead of spending more time there to finish the paperwork, Jay had opted to bring it home instead.

You smiled to yourself just as Jay looked up. “Sorry babe.” He said, making a little face at the papers strewn across the table.

Chuckling, you climbed off the couch and moved towards him. You stood behind him, looping your arms around his shoulders, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I missed you.” You whispered.

Jay turned slightly, tugging you so that you now landed in his lap.

“Missed you too.” He whispered, smiling as one of his arms snaked around your waist, holding you securely to him, another hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Sorry I’ve been busy.”

You shook your head, smiling.

You’d been dating for a while but no one else knew. Both of you had agreed to keep it on the down low, partly because of your age difference. Even though you had agreed you’d keep it quiet at least for the first few months, it had been a lot more than that and it had been going so well that you didn’t really want to purposefully invite anyone into this world that Jay and you had created for yourselves. Rather than keeping it a secret, you guys just hadn’t made the effort to tell anyone or publicize it to the world. This also meant that when he was stuck at the district, you didn’t get to see him but on such days, Jay was always mindful about checking in.

“What’s on your mind?” Jay asked.

“Just thinking I’m lucky to have you.” You responded, leaning in to try to give him a hug. Instead, Jay stroked your cheek and pressed his lips to yours. “Now, I really need to finish this.”

You laughed. “Go forth.”

---

Jay had taken a few well-deserved days of furlough, which he had mostly spent curled up with you. You didn’t have any complaints, it had been just what you both needed.

But Intelligence couldn’t catch a break. It was Jay’s first day back and now, he was already walking up to a crime scene.

Jay pushed the yellow crime scene tape upwards, letting Hailey walk through ahead of him before following behind her.

“What do we have?” Jay asked, approaching the spot where Adam and Kim were standing.

Kim turned. “Kate Whitewood, 22, stabbed multiple times.”

“She’s not in the system. No priors, nothing.” Adam added.

“No belongings on her?” Voight asked, looking around.

Adam shook his head. Jay frowned. “There’s barely any blood here.”

Kevin nodded, jogging forward to join them. “This is probably just the dump site. She must have been killed elsewhere.”

Hailey stood from where she had bent to examine the body. “She has defensive wounds on her. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find skin under her fingernails.”

Jay bent forward slightly. “What are those? Marks around her neck? We need to get her to the ME to get the exact cause of death.”

“Kim, bag her hands and get forensics to run a deluxe.” Voight said, as Kim nodded.

“My CI works this street, let me see what I can find out.” Jay said, turning away.

---

“So Kate was last seen at this bar right in town.” Hailey said, walking in and sticking a screenshot onto the board, which showed a camera view of the street outside the bar.

Kate could be seen on the image, her head turned slightly as she waved to someone, a man standing by her side. Hailey tapped the image.

“We can’t find this guy. His face is always turned away from the camera, facial recognition is out.”

Voight nodded. “Jay, have you heard from your CI?”

Jay nodded, resting slightly against Hailey’s desk, his arms crossed in front of him. “My guy says there haven’t been any deals going down. I think we can rule out drugs or gangs. Streets have been quiet ever since that big bust we did last month.”

“It was 28 degrees out last night, ME couldn’t find the exact time of death. But there were signs she was raped, signs of asphyxiation and five penetration wounds from a knife.” Kevin said, opening the file he had gotten from the medical examiner earlier.

Voight turned to Kim. “Who was she?”

Kim sighed. “Kate was a hard worker, she had just started her job as a receptionist at a dentist’s office in South Loop. Dad’s MIA, Mum’s remarried and relocated to New York so she’s living on her own.”

“Have we found who she was with last night?”

Adam nodded. “I’ve gone through her phone. Looks like she was meeting her friend Grace at the club last night.”

“We need to talk to her. I want to know about the last day of Kate’s life. Timeline. Check all sex offenders in the area. Comb her social media. Let’s go.” Voight instructed.

---

Jay knocked on the main door, glancing sideways at Hailey. The door swung open.

“Grace Archer? I’m Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead, can we come in?” Hailey asked.

She furrowed her brows. “What’s this about?”

“You’re friends with Kate Whitewood?” Hailey asked, without directly answering her question. She nodded and without missing a beat, Hailey continued, “We need to ask you a few questions about last night.”

Grace stepped back to let them in, her face falling as she led them to the sitting room.

“I heard from her parents. The whole thing’s horrible.” Grace whispered, wrapping her hands around herself.

“Can you tell us what you remember?” Jay asked.

Grace looked up. “Kate’s boyfriend had broken up with her a few months ago, so I took her out. She needed to get out again.”

“Were you approached by anyone?” Hailey asked.

“Several.” She answered.

“Anyone that stood out?”

Grace paused, trying to recall. “Kate didn’t even really want to go. She barely looked at the guys… except…”

Hailey sat up a little. “There must have been something about this guy that she left with, something unique. We have a photo of him on the surveillance tape. Flashy?”

Grace nodded, “Yeah, he had this like... attitude… like he was hitting on us but he was making a joke of it at the same time.” She paused. “The last thing she told me was that she had a great time… I shouldn’t have forced her to come out.”

“This isn’t your fault.” Hailey leaned over and patted Grace comfortingly on the arm. “Thanks for talking to us. Please call us if you think of anything else.”

As Jay walked out of Grace’s house with Hailey, he looked at his partner. “This guy’s confident, he’s smooth and it doesn’t look like he knew Kate or Grace.”

---

For the rest of the day, the team had almost combed through the whole of Kate’s whereabouts before she had disappeared and all they had was a big fat nothing.

Jay typed a quick text to you to let you know that he wasn’t going to be able to come over tonight.

You read the text, smiling a little. Jay was busy but it was cute that he always kept you informed. You stopped walking, typing back a reply to tell him it was okay and to do what he had to do, before you kept her phone back into your pocket.

You walked along the street, the same street you walked on every night, frowning a little. You turned around, scanning the street behind you.

You could swear that it was like someone was watching you, or following you. But the street was empty. This wasn’t the first time you had had this feeling - like the little hairs on the back of your neck were standing but you had nothing to back up this feeling you had.

Holding your bag tighter against you, you pushed yourself forward, quickening your footsteps, only letting up as you passed the safety of your apartment building’s front door.

As you passed the threshold of your apartment and closed the door behind you, you pulled out your phone, staring at it for a while. Part of you wanted to call Jay, to hear his voice and have him tell you that you were just tired, imagining things. But the rational part of your brain convinced yourself that everything was okay, reminding you that Jay was so busy and deep in a case, he really shouldn’t have to worry about you.

Ultimately, you put your phone on the counter, chuckling at yourself. Maybe you really were too tired.

---

By the next morning, another body had turned up, not two streets away from the first dump site.

Jay felt an uneasy feeling spread in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the photo of the new victim that was already up on the board. They had a serial killer in Chicago and this guy’s victim type had physical characteristics that were scarily similar to you.

“Jay.” Hailey broke Jay out of his thoughts. “Emma Green, 23, strangulation marks, six stab wounds.”

Jay turned to his partner and nodded. “Did they go to the same club?”

Hailey handed Jay a file. “No, but look at what we picked up on the surveillance camera.” Jay opened the file, studying the photo.

“This is our guy isn’t it?” He pointed at a male figure who was standing next to their second victim, his face still hidden from the camera, wearing a plain cap.

“Hey guys, I might have found a link.” Kim said, walking in. “I checked the employee records and there’s a bartender that works in both clubs and he was on shift on each day our victims went missing. He’s got a prior for aggravated assault and harassment.”

“We’ll take it.” Jay said, grabbing his jacket and heading out of the district.

Hailey fell into step next to him, glancing at him. “Jay, you okay?”

Jay nodded. “Let’s just get this son of a bitch.”

They travelled the rest of the way in silence. Hailey seemed to pick up that this case was affecting Jay differently but she didn’t press further, allowing Jay to lead the way into the closed club.

“Ben Carlton?”

The bartender looked up from where he was, his eyes falling onto the police badge that was hung around Jay’s neck.

In a sudden motion, he ducked out and ran.

“Hey, stop!” Jay yelled, as both he and Hailey launched themselves after him, Hailey shooting out the front door to try to head him off.

“5021 George, I have a suspect fleeing on foot.” Jay called into his radio, sprinting after the bartender.

The bartender barely made it onto the next street before Hailey flung herself at him around the corner, rolling onto the ground as Jay pulled out his gun. “Don’t move!” He yelled, as Hailey pulled the bartender to his feet.

“Let’s go.” Jay snarled.

---

“It wasn’t me!” Ben yelled as he sat in the interrogation room, facing Jay and Hailey.

Jay sighed internally, watching Ben’s reactions and the way he was answering the questions Hailey was shooting at him.

“Those were mistakes, I didn’t do this!” He yelled again.

Jay pushed himself upright, getting up from where he was leaning against the wall and pushing the photos of the victims onto the table. “This. Look at this. We can place these girls at the bars you worked at just before they died.”

“Look.” Ben said, looking up at Jay. “I saw them but they left before I even finished my shift.”

Jay glanced at Hailey. “Who did they leave with?” Hailey asked.

Ben looked from Hailey to Jay. “Look, I don’t know the guy, he’s not a regular. But he’s white, about their age. I noticed him because he headed for them the moment that he walked in. Like he knew they were there.”

Before Jay or Hailey moved, a knock came from the door.

“You guys gotta see this.” Adam said, sticking his head in.

“Sit tight.” Jay said to Ben, following Adam outside, where Kevin was waiting as well.

Kevin handed the file to Jay. “We got another one.” Jay flipped open the file, which told him what he already feared. Another victim, of a physical type that not only matched the first two victims but also you.

Jay looked up. “His cooling off period is getting shorter. We need to get this son of a bitch.”

---

The feeling was getting a little stronger that someone had been watching you.

You glanced over your shoulder but as usual the street was empty. Maybe you needed to stop staying late.

You turned back towards the front. There were sounds of footsteps but you swallowed the lump in your throat, quickening your pace as discreetly as you could.

It definitely felt like someone was following you now. You were almost running by the time you rounded the corner, colliding with someone.

You gave a yelp of surprise.

“Y/N!”

You had collided with Jay.

You let out a breath, spinning around to look over your shoulder.

“What’s going on? You okay?” Jay’s eyes snapped from you to the empty street behind you.

You turned back to look at Jay. Now that he was standing in front of you, it didn’t seem that scary anymore - maybe you had imagined the whole thing.

You shook your head, taking one last glance behind you. “What are you doing here? You finished the case?”

Jay smiled but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. “Just wanted to check in on you. I have to go back soon.”

You reached for his hand without saying anything and that’s how the both of you walked back to your apartment, your hand clenched securely in his, almost like the both of you had a tight bubble around you.

You could tell Jay’s mind was far away, and it was even more unlike him to come see you in the middle of a case. You knew there was something troubling him but you weren’t one to press. Jay would tell you when he felt he could or he wanted to.

Instead, you just squeezed his hand.

Almost as if you were prying him from his thoughts, Jay looked at you and smiled. He pulled you closer to him, tucking you under his arm.

“You’re okay, right?” You asked, without looking up at him, just as he escorted you to your door.

Jay turned to look at you and nodded. “I will be, once this case is over.” He leaned forward to give you a kiss. “If anything happens, you call me, okay? No matter what.”

You raised an eyebrow but nodded at him, watching him disappear into the elevator before you retreated back into your apartment.

---

Intelligence had been tirelessly chasing down leads but they now had four bodies and Voight was getting pressure to solve this quickly as well. They needed a break in this case and fast.

“Okay, let’s regroup, what do we have so far?” Voight barked.

“All four victims were raped and found with multiple stab wounds. We know he picks up his victims from bars and appears non-threatening enough that his victims are willing to leave with him.” Jay said, getting up.

Hailey headed to the board, frowning. “We dumped their phones but we weren’t able to find any connection between the victims other than their physical type.” Hailey cast a look at Jay, which Voight didn’t miss. “I think he’s working his way up to something.”

“Hey guys?” Kim spoke up as she walked back in, flipping open the file sitting on her desk. “I went back over the first murder to see if we missed anything. Look at this.”

Kim pulled in her chair, zooming into the photo. “This badge here on his jacket, it’s barely visible so we missed it the first few times. I sent it to the lab to see if they could enhance the image and this is what I got.”

Kim clicked and up popped the crest of a high school. “Look, it’s not just a general badge. Look at the year.”

“Okay, that is the crest for Lincoln High. It’s a jacket given to those who graduated that year.” Kevin said, frowning at it.

“I’ll run the list of students who graduated in that year.” Jay barked, heading straight for his desk, his fingers flying across his keyboard.

Cross-checking was the worst job ever but the moment Jay’s eyes landed on your name on the list of graduates, he pulled it together, eliminating the women, men who had moved out of state or country, until finally he only had three names on the list.

“Okay, I have a Steven Miller, Charles Shoemaker and John Marlin.” Jay finally spoke up as everyone looked up. “But only Steven Miller has priors.”

“For harassment, sexual misconduct, and attempted assault. Sarge, this has to be our guy.” Jay looked up at Voight.

“Do we have an LKA?” Voight asked.

“Already on it.” Adam said.

“Go pick him up.” Adam nodded, motioning to Kevin as they headed out.

Something was bugging Jay. Steven Miller. That name was…

Fuck.

Jay pushed back his chair, entering Voight’s office without knocking and closing the door behind him.

“Sarge.”

Voight looked up, frowning a little at the look on Jay’s face. He put down his pen and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Jay.

“I’ve heard Miller’s name before. It was bugging me, but I remember now.”

Voight sat up straighter.

“I’m seeing his ex-girlfriend.” The words slipped past Jay’s lips. “Sarge, everything makes sense now. The physical type, the way he’s building up because his actual target…” Jay trailed off.

You had told Jay about Steven just once. You hadn’t gone into detail but you had told Jay about the short period that you had been together with Steven – his need for control over all aspects of your life, how he had always been a little rough, how he hadn’t taken any form of rejection well, and how you’d ended it the day he struck you.

“Take Hailey.”

Jay was already halfway to the door.

---

You had left early today.

It had been a while since you had done such an early shift but you’d been feeling more and more uneasy while walking home at night and the news coverage on the murders that were happening at the moment didn’t help.

You didn’t need Jay to tell you that you looked exactly like those girls who had been murdered. It was clear as day.

You fiddled with the key in the lock, opening the door.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach as you registered the person standing in front of you. In your house.

“Steven.” You muttered, your voice trembling, barely registering the butt of a gun heading towards your temple before it went dark.

---

Hailey hadn’t said anything but she knew something was off.

“Jay, what’s going on?” She asked. “How do you know this girl’s the target?”

Jay didn’t answer but pressed harder on the accelerator, gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white. The ringing tone going off through his bluetooth speaker in the car making him feel even worse.

���Jay.” Hailey said again. “I’m your partner.”

Jay glanced at her now. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Hailey’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

Jay let a beat of silence passed. “Miller’s her ex. I should have seen the signs, the physical type, everything, I…”

“Jay. She’ll be fine. Come on.” Hailey reassured him, as he turned his truck onto the familiar street.

“She’s still not answering.” Jay said, through gritted teeth. He’d been trying to call you since he had left the station.

Without hesitation, Jay bounded up the stairs, Hailey right behind him. From down the corridor, Jay could already tell your door was slightly ajar.

“Hang back.” Jay whispered, pulling out his service weapon.

Jay quietly approached the door. “Y/N?” He opened the door with his foot, freezing as his eyes landed on you, sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, your eyes frantic as Steven held a knife to your throat from where he stood behind you.

Jay gritted his teeth, using his foot to slam the door shut, knowing that Hailey would know what to do.

“Step away from her.” Jay growled, pointing his gun directly at Steven.

Steven smiled. “I was wondering when you’d arrive. Put that down.”

Jay grinded his teeth but didn’t move. You felt the cold blade of the knife press against your skin and inhaled sharply.

“Put. It. Down.” Steven repeated.

“Okay, okay.” Jay said, glancing at you before putting his hands above his head, disarming his gun and putting it down onto the floor.

Steven smiled again, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Jay growled.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do.” Steven answered.

“Jay, I’m sorry.” You whispered.

Jay looked straight at you. “It’s going to be okay. You focus on me, you hear me? I’m right here.”

“We broke up a long time ago, what the hell are you doing?” You asked. You were afraid, hell you were trembling, but this was crazy and you had to help Jay to find a way out of this.

“We wouldn’t be broken up if he hadn’t come between us.” Steven snarled, moving closer towards you, his lips almost touching your ear.

Jay growled. “Leave her alone.”

Steven looked back up at Jay again.

“What, you mean don’t do this?” Steven asked, crushing his lips against yours.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Jay yelled. “Is that what you did? How you forced yourself on all the other girls? What do you want, Steven? What are you trying to accomplish?”

“All I wanted was to be with Y/N! But you took her.” He spat.

“So you decided to go on a rampage?” Jay asked. You saw him twitch like he was looking for something so you started talking, as much as it made you want to gag.

“Steven, why didn’t you just talk to me?” You asked, trying to distract him.

“Talk? All you care about is him!” He yelled, lifting the knife and pointing it at Jay.

It happened in a split second.

The moment he lifted the knife, Jay yelled, “Now, Y/N!”

You threw yourself forward, covering your head with your hands as you heard the gunshots go off, just two. You weren’t sure who was shooting but you didn’t move until you heard Jay’s voice again.

“Y/N, it’s okay, it’s over.” Jay whispered.

You looked up, Jay’s face hovering above you.

“Jay…”

Jay nodded, “It’s okay, come here.”

Jay pulled his arms around you.

“He…” Jay shook his head, shielding your view of Steven’s now motionless body. “Don’t look back, come on.”

Jay tried to lead you out of the apartment, barely making it to the main door before his teammates appeared. “Jay!” Kevin called, as he spotted both of you.

Jay nodded. “Thanks.” Kevin nodded, his eyes lingering on the way Jay was holding you close to his side before making way for Jay to lead you back down to the ground floor where the ambulances were waiting.

Jay led you all the way to the waiting paramedics, not even leaving your side to get himself checked.

You weren’t hurt, not really. There was a little open cut from where Steven had pressed the blade a little too hard when he had been agitated but other than that you were fine. Well, that, and that disgusting feeling that came with remembering how Steven had pressed his lips against yours.

Voight approached you and Jay. Jay squeezed your hand. “I’ll be right back.” You smiled and nodded.

Jay and Voight talked in low voices until Voight turned to look at you. “And she’s okay?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah, she is. I just need to…”

“Do what you need to do. We’ll finish up here.” Voight said, nodding and clapping Jay on the back.

---

The paramedics had dressed the wound on the scene before Jay had brought you back to his apartment.

After getting you into a clean change of clothes and some warm food in you, you had ended up back in your favourite place in the world – on Jay’s couch, in Jay’s apartment, encircled in Jay’s arms.

You lay your head on Jay’s chest.

“So this was all because of me?” You asked in a low voice.

Jay sat up, looking at you. “What?”

“He killed all those women… because of me. I got them killed.” You whispered.

“No, no, baby.” Jay propped himself up, but didn’t let you go. “This is not your fault. Steven he… he did this, not you.”

You looked up at him. “He even… in front of you… he…” You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, you felt disgusting. He’d kissed you, he’d done it in front of Jay and he’d ruined everything.

You hadn’t said that much but Jay just tilted your chin upwards and kissed you. “Jay…”

“I’ll take it all away.” Jay whispered. “I’m sorry, I should have been there sooner.”

You shook your head, swiping away the tears that had slid down your cheeks.

Jay cupped your cheek again, pulling you into his chest. You balled your hand around his shirt, gripping at Jay.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Jay whispered.

“I’ll never let anyone touch you ever again.” He half snarled, still caressing you gently.

You leaned into his embrace, closing your eyes as the sound of Jay’s heartbeat gently lulled you back into the feeling of safety and security.

[agust-june]

Retired Excuses

I know I said that was my last post but I never keep promises. I want to address many issues with the kpop community. I feel like this is a step for some people to realize the racist, toxic, gaslighting, and just complicit behaviors that go on. My last post was about educating idols, this post is going into the excuses that some of you fans make when it comes to idols when they Cultural Appropriate or do something Racist. I will also combat those excuses telling you why you're COMPLETELY WRONG. I have more discussion topics especially when it comes the anti Blackness in some fandoms. This post isn't to one of three people it to and for everyone that makes these types of excuses. I've even included black stans who excuses Idols.

Also, I'm not an Anti or a Hater. I don't hate kpop and I only hate a VERY FEW idols.

Let's get to it!

EXCUSE

This is the definition of an excuse.

Now that we know what that means that's exactly what some of you fans like to do with your idols. Your idol can do something so fucked up and there will still be fans making excuses and defending them. I mean look at Seungri...he still has a shooter when it's in their face. I'm not gonna talk about him too much bc his stans are too sensitive.

The excuses that we're giving and that these kpop companies are giving are bull shit. At least with SM, they don't even apologize or even say anything because they know and don't care. This brings me to the conclusion that SM as a company is racist and some of the idols there are possibly racist. SM is a company that treats their idols poorly, so why would they care about fans especially black fans when they know next comeback we'll buy it.

"Oh, they didn't know" this excuse is dumb especially when it's a picture of them in the act. For example when the photo of Hendery in that hat and the photo with Sowon. Those were both taken down so quickly. Why? Because they knew what they did was wrong. So if your fans need to stop thinking these grown-ass ADULTS are stupid. Korea is in the top rankings for academics. Though not every idol is from Korea they are still from either Japan or China which are also at the top for academics. Now before y, all get upset I came with my damn resources bc unlike some of yall I can back my shit up. Also, the links are down below.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/education-rankings-by-country

  https://schoolinreviews.com/pisa-results-published-in-dec-2019-which-countries-score-the-highest-and-why/

Y'all see the magic of Google?? Do you see how simple it is to do research.

This is proof that our idols know what's wrong what's right and wrong so they can know what's racist. If they don't Google is free. Social media is free.

"They're Korean why would they know things happening in America" here is also another excuse. The world is only connected by two things the internet and social media. After this summer during the BLM protests the whole world was watching the U.S and some are still doing it. Even if they aren't focused on the US they can do some research.  Also if they can pay attention to the different tik to dances and listen to music from the U.S they can know what goes on here.

"They didn't say the N-word that means ___ in Korean" Now this is a blurred excuse but it's not hard to hear the N-word. Like the Korean word for I is Ne-ga it's pronounced Ney-gah when you break down the word Korean vowels are different from English. N-word pronounced Nig- and the rest of the letters.  When you break the words down they sound completely different even when using the vowels. There is no way you can mistake those words. Therefore no excuse. 

"I'm black and I don't feel offended" You're a victim? You would rather defend these idols who hurt your people any don't know and care about you? That's sad. And for the white fans that use that as an example...your opinion and 2 cents are not valid. We don't care to hear it from you. What that does is Invalidate black stans who were hurt by this.

"They already apologized. Let it go" Just because an idol apologizes for that doesn't mean shit. That's like saying a murder asking the victim that they murdered for forgiveness. Just because they apologized doesn't mean we have to forgive them.

"It's the company/stylist's fault" Stop only blaming the stylist and company.

“Its appreciation not appropriation”  Flush it down the toilet. That sounds like the same excuses Jackson made. If Black stans are offended they're offended. Did your idol ask beforehand to use our culture?, No they just did it because they thought it was trendy and cute. Also, is that what yall have to say when it comes to some idols who nock black people? Because all I hear was crickets. If an idol wants to appreciate black people and black culture they can do three things.

1.) Something nice for Black fans and black fans only

2.) Speak on black issues, tell Something that they learned with black history, and or take the time to learn about our culture instead of STEALING it for their style.

3.) Donate to black lives matter(the bare minimum) (Also Army don't bring up the one Million dollar donation that's gonna be a post soon.)

4.) Do all three(above and beyond expectations)

But the sad part is they don't do it. Because they don't care. If they're actually in love with the culture, how come they barely know anything about it? Please answer this in the comments or reblog or DM me.

“X item isn't even black culture” all I have to say is do your damn research. When it comes to boxing braids you think they are Bo Derek braids... no honey that was a white woman STEALING from black women. Also IDK why but some of yall think idols or white people invented things when in reality they were STOLEN from BLACK PEOPLE. Yall do realize Kpop is from Black culture? The way they dressed back then to their rap. Even Taeyang from Big Bang said he wanted to be black to write better music...that should show you everything right there. They use our culture to fit this aesthetic because of the things worn by artists in the 80s or 90s. I've seen idols in Durags and they don't need it. Durags are used to keep hair in place and it was solely made for black people. Here is an article explaining the history behind it and what it is used for now.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/14/style/durag-solange-met-gala.html

Bonnets to the same thing. I only seen one idol wear a bonnet and that's Jaebeom but that's still debatable. A durag is not a hat or a headdress you put on (KIM JONGIN I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR THAT GOES FOR NCT AS WELL). I would appreciate it if idols started being more considerate especially when it comes to using black culture. So saying it's them Appreciating our culture is a No. You're making us look like the bad guys when all we want is to have something for ourselves. Idk what ya'll don't get Black people had to BUILD their own after slavery. Our invention that people use today that could've been a big industry was STOLEN. Then let's get into music how WHITE people would STEAL MUSIC because they had no original idea. Then when we FINALLY were comfortable not being excepted and having our own little safe space. That was destroyed by white people too. They had to steal everything from black people. That's why we're upset when idols use our culture and half of them don't know the meaning behind it and if they do know they don't care. They just care about the Shiney new trend or aesthetic.

“if that's appropriation then learning Korean is too” here are the definitions of Language and Culture. Because some of you need it.

Korean is a language...Language is universal like music.  Music is a language, you are using it to communicate and express your emotions as you do with Language. Culture is completely different. Sure language is in culture but culture isn't a language.

“They weren't trying to be offensive/you're being too sensitive” Who are you? Who are you to tell me how I should feel? Especially if your white you get no opinion and we black stans don't want your two cents. If anything some of ya'll got real sensitive at the Taehyung hates white people joke. Even if he did?...so what? What were ya'll going to do? Nothing. Nothing to him. Don't tell people what and how they should feel that's that.  NEXT.

"_____ did it first" Shut up. Are we talking about___? Did we mention them?? No, we didn't. Every time we Nct gets caught with cultural appropriation yall always like to drag other idols trying to deflect from NCT getting their asses dragged. This isn't just with NCT fans it's everyone especially when you bring bts in it. Yall especially love to bring BamBam in it. Oh, don't worry they're getting dragged too but was that supposed to stop us black stans from dragging their ass? All idols can get the same two-piece combo.

"There are two sides to every story"  what other side is there?? Because they're both wrong. It's like cheating you would get mad at the other women for sleeping with your S/O right? Why don't yall ever get at the guy? Because it's clear he was the one who cheated regardless there's no excuse. So when it comes to an idol what is the other side? They have a brain they have morals and they have free will to make decisions. So there is no fucking excuse.

That's it that's all I have for today. Like I said I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to keep saying my opinions and thoughts regardless of people hating me or unfollowing me. I think that I've grown a lot and I don't feel scared to voice my opinion here anymore. So my next topics:

Kpop industry and how they hate black people and steal black culture

What BTS donating A Million Dollars means to me

If you're a black stan and there's something you want me to talk about something that I may have missed or something I missed in the post reblog, comment, or DM me.

[mihidecet]

Sbi&Co d&d AU: Fundy & Niki

AKA: Tibi's MCYT WritingTober, day 23!

SURPRISE!! As for @spout1nk and @awebo 's lovely requests, here is the chapter where we get to meet Fundy and Niki!!

This is also, once again, a fill for @the-only-gamer-gost 's list of prompts!! I got myself another free day aahahah

I do hope you'll like it! And as always, make sure you check out @whatimevendoinhere 's stunning drawings!!! They made art of Fundy and it is so good yall.

It starts like this: the whole gang is looking for a new job to tackle, with Techno, Tommy and Tubbo looking at the town's mission board and Wilbur and Phil needling the town's guard for more high profile tasks.

Half an hour later, a bored and disappointed trio meet up with a radiant Wilbur and an impressed Phil.

They have a job and the pay is five times higher than normal.

Apparently some dumbass has been running around the county, scamming nobles with fake artifacts and cursed precious objects. The nobles are mad, they want their coins back and the scammer in jail - or possibly worse -, and they are willing to pay an embarrassingly high amount of coin for it to be done quickly and quietly. Quietly being the highest requirement.

And that is how the SleepyBois start tracking this infamous scammer down.

First, they find all of the victims.

That alone takes them a while, because nobles are tricky to navigate and scorned nobles are even worse - and somehow these scammed nobles all seem to be not that good people, if the way they treat the adventurers trying to help them is any indication.

Still, one may assume that spending a lot of platinum coins on things that turn out to be fake and haunted might make you a bit … confrontational.

Also, they're going to make a lot of coins out of this job, so it's not like they're going to say anything.

Then, they buy a new, spotless map of the region with about a quarter of their collective coins - “Philza Greenwood we should have accepted the one from the kind old lady.” “You know that was cursed, we’re not doing this again.” - and start writing down every location hit.

It’s not that hard, once they put Tubbo to work, to find a handful of possible towns their target is going to hit.

It's honestly impressive how quickly he's able to narrow their options down, sending Techno and Wilbur out for recon missions to specific locations, guiding the whole team in a weirdly familiar way; straightforward and decisive like Techno, gentle and responsible like Phil, switching between the two attitudes as easy as he breathes.

Wilbur's only seen him like this when he works on his creations before, and it's amazing how quickly he gets over the initial sheepishness and steps into his role.

Everything is good and wonderful and he fits perfectly into the team, and this is just another proof of it.

The only bad thing about the whole situation is how bloody smug Tommy is, since it had been his idea to let Tubbo handle the planning - the kid can gloat, Wilbur's got to give him that, even if he is right in doing that.

Ever since the two childhood best friends had reunited, Tommy has been … more. Not in a bad way - no matter how much Techno jokingly groans about it -, but it's evident how much there was something weighing on the kid's mind before this.

But right now it's not really the best time to think about this.

A couple of nights ago, Tubbo had narrowed the list of possible new noble families that were going to be hit down to a single name. An old timey, very strict and reclusive family, now mainly composed of two grandparents and an impressive array of disowned young adventurers, and workers of all types. Reasons for disowning were many and varied and all a bit ridiculous.

Apparently having a bad temper and even worse record of mistreating everyone around you was the common denominator for all the people being targeted, alongside having an extremely absurd amount of coin.

Phil knows, he's seen it in Wilbur's eyes the moment Tubbo told everyone his deductions, that the tiefling would be more than happy with just letting the scammer go with a slap on the wrist. Everyone is slowly leaning towards that, Phil himself is too, but he's not really going to mention that yet, especially as they're all gearing up to stalk the scammer back to their hideout.

Especially since they can't really let this chance go: the fact that Tubbo was able to narrow their options down to a single family means that if this isn't it, they'll have to start from scratch.

When they leave the tavern, packed light and ready for the expected stealth, it's a couple of hours before dawn.

Everyone is thankfully able to see in the dark - even Tubbo, who is a human like Tommy, since he used his knowledge of glass-making and arcane enchantments to forge himself some night vision goggles - and they move quickly in the shadows, their silhouettes hidden even more due to one of Phil's spells.

This is also the first time Tubbo's bees aren't making any sound - apparently their buzzing is purely aesthetic.

Reaching the family's manor is not hard nor it takes longer than expected, which is quite unusual considering their experiences. Once they reach their destination, they hide near the entrance then Techno vanishes - probably gone inside the main gates to see if their target has already arrived.

About fifteen excruciating minutes later, Techno reappears, one hand already on Tommy's mouth to prevent him from yelping in surprise and reveal their position. The fact that he is perfectly correct in his assumption doesn't prevent him from receiving a swift kick to the shin.

"He's inside. Seems human, dressed like a scammer would be dressed. Or a very extravagant seller. Showing off a floating statue." Techno relies the information as he rubs the now sore spot on his leg, side eyeing a very offended Tommy while Tubbo is red faced almost to the point of tears as he desperately tries not to burst out laughing.

"Good job." Phil confirms, trying very hard to stay focused on the task - this all is extremely useful information, both in case of a possible fight breaking out and because in all the time they've been searching for the scammer, they've had nothing but mixed information from their targets.

One time it's a sweet looking cleric, another time they're a buff half orc, then it's a tiefling with a missing horn- every time something new, but the only constants have been the extravagant clothing choices and them being a magic user.

Wilbur punches the air with gusto, conveying silently what everyone is more or less feeling, and then they resign themselves to some uncertain amount of time of patiently and quietly waiting.

Phil has a spell to hide them again ready for whenever they hear somebody getting close.

Techno takes the time to meditate.

Wilbur is tapping a finger against his leg with his eyes closed, so he's probably writing a song in his mind.

Tubbo is taking notes on his notebook, planning another upgrade for his crossbow.

Tommy is about to vibrate out of his skin.

Everything according to plan.

Then, finally, Phil hears footsteps approaching the gates.

He casts his spell, shadows elongating from the trees they are hiding in, wrapping around them, covering them, fake greenery taking form in front of them- and everyone is instantly on edge.

"Are you sure you don't want a totem? They're good luck! They'll protect you against evil spirits - those old crooks must be beacons for them!" A quick paced voice reached their ears, and Techno's dagger is already out.

A much quieter voice answers - only Phil manages to catch the irritated negative answer, but everyone hears the gates being slammed shut.

There's more footsteps, then their target enters most of their views.

The man - probably? - takes some steps, back straight and shoulders moving with a light chuckle - when his eyes stray towards them.

He blinks once, twice, then his eyes switch colour.

He stops in his tracks.

Raises a hand and gives a quick wave.

"Uhm … cya!" And then he disappears, vanishing into thin air.

Techno curses loudly next to Tommy.

"Wilbur-"

The tiefling stands up and his eyes turn pure black as he raises a hand towards the place where he disappeared, muttering a quick song under his breath before calling out:

"Tubbo!"

A bolt from the kid's crossbow flies in the direction Wilbur's pointing at a split second later.

It flies, but doesn't strike true, barely grazing the scammer's jacket as the man moves out of its way. Right into Techno's thrown dagger which hits him right in the side.

There's a loud, weirdly pitched "shit!" coming from the empty air in the space in front of them, then nothing but the sound of someone fleeing as silently as they can.

Instead of following suit, like one would expect, the rest of the group turns towards Techno, who's holding his dagger - now back into his hand - and mouthing a prayer against the stained blade.

There's a light humm coming from nowhere and everywhere that echoes in Techno's mind for a moment, then he opens his eyes.

"So, do you have him?" Tommy asks, feeling the urge to pursue their target itching under his skin.

"Yup, I've got him. Nice job with the crossbow, Tubbo." Techno answers, shooting a small smile to his short companion, who shakes his weapon proudly.

"It's quite easy to shoot in order to make people move a certain direction, you know, once you know what to do!"

Tracking down the scammer is quite easy now that Techno has cast his tracking spell on him.

They wait for a moment, reconvene, make sure they have everything they need and then they start moving.

They don't have to walk much, as Techno lets them know that their target has stopped moving and they're getting closer extremely quickly.

In the end, it's a small, cute looking wooden house that they reach. It seems small and well kept, with clean windows and bright flowers on the outside. It's a bit hidden amongst a thicker part of the forest, but it gets enough light to be comfortably illuminated.

Wilbur figures the scammer ran and hid here, in hope of either having them lose his tracks or to maybe use a civilian as human shield.

Phil gestures towards the house, to which Techno answers with a decisive nod, so the elf approaches the door and knocks.

"Hello?" A feminine, accented voice answers from behind the door.

"Hi, I'm very sorry to disturb you, we're a group of adventurers looking for a runaway criminal, have you perhaps seen anyone suspicious running around?" There's a beat of silence, then a long, drawn out humm.

"I'm very sorry but I don't think I can help you with that? I was busy baking inside, I haven't seen anyone." The voice answers back, seemingly sheepish and apologetic.

Wilbur takes a step forward, shooting a glance towards a suspicious looking Techno.

"Our apologies, but would you mind letting us rest inside your abode for a little while? We've been out all night looking for clues, and we will pay you for your kindness."

After a slightly longer than expected pause, the sound of keys jingling reachea the team's ears.

"Oh, yes, of course. It's a bit small here, but- We can make it fit."

Phil knows enough Celestial to recognise the accent in the woman's voice; seeing her almost aethereal being open the door cements in Phil's mind the fact that yes, the person in front of him is of Celstial descent - that, and the dusting of silver and golden freckles across her face.

"Oh my, there- there's a lot of you."

Phil gives a sheepish smile, an apology ready on his lips - she is hiding their target, for some reason, but that doesn't mean he's going to be rude about it - but Tommy is already striding towards the entrance.

"We'll be good and squeeze together, promise!" He exclaims, quickly hitting Wilbur in the side with his elbow as he passes him.

The tiefling shoots him a murderous glare, which instantly disappears and turns into a kind smile the instant he realises that the aasimar woman is looking at him questioningly.

"Are you all part of the same group?" She asks as they shuffle in. The house is slightly bigger than expected, with everything looking both very clean and very lived in - books left open on a table, a chair that hasn't been set back, a blanket thrown on an armchair instead of being folded properly. It's homely.

There are a couple of colourful looking birds flying around the place, and they instantly flock to Phil the moment he enters the kitchen - following the woman's instructions. To be fair, there are plenty animals hanging out in the whole house: he's sure he heard a squirrel running in the corridor, and there were a couple of tortoises in the living room.

And then, on the window sill next to the kitchen table there is a fox, sleeping curled up under the sun. Techno, on edge from the tracking and the oncoming social interactions, really envies the tranquil animal.

"Is there anything you need? Something to drink, maybe? I was making some bread, so-" the woman starts, taking out a still smoking loaf. Everyone but Phil is instantly glowing: how often are you offered freshly baked bread? And mostly for free? That really is something special, that must be surely cherished.

And yet, Phil is not looking at the woman - who is still yet to introduce herself - but at the fox. Still sleeping peacefully, after they'd opened a single eye at the sound of strangers entering the room.

"That is very kind of you, miss …?" Wilbur asks, eyes constantly switching between the offered food and the stranger's face.

"Oh, you can call me Niki."

Phil moves closer to the fox with a small smile, one bird still perched on his shoulder, and extends a hand slowly, hoping not to startle the animal.

The fox blinks slowly at the fingers floating right in front of their eyes, then huffs and moves their head so that Phil can start giving them little scratches, tail swishing lazily - all this, while the rest of the team does a round of introductions.

"Niki, your fox is adorable." Phil comments after a moment, while the others are eagerly helping out Niki in finding a knife to cut slices of bread with and honey, which apparently she makes herself.

"Ah yeah, thank you. His name is Fungi." She answers with a small smile, making Phil chuckle. The fox's tail keeps swishing from side to side, probably to convey his appreciation of the continuous pets he's receiving, but one of his front legs seems to not be making any movement. A quick, focused, look confirms his suspicions.

"Oh dear, he seems hurt. Let me heal him for you." Phil comments, worry colouring his tone, as he focuses his intent into the palm of his hand, lightly resting on the injured limb.

As his magic knits back muscle and tissue and blod cells, Phil watches intently as the stab wound shrinks and then disappears. Then, he picks the fox up, cradling him in his arms as Niki gets closer, a look of deep worry on her face - one of the first true emotions she's shown since they got there, Phil notices, which only serves to confirm his suspicions.

"Oh, thank you so much, I'm so very glad, he just keeps getting into messes!"

There's a moment of pause, then Phil starts scratching the fox's chin - his tail starts wagging noticeably quicker.

"Did you know foxes are known for their cunning, but they're actually pretty dumb?" Phil starts, prompting everyone to turn towards him in shock and deep confusion.

Phil merely chuckles.

"You agree, right, little guy? I can see it in your eyes, there's nothing going on in that little brain of yours, right?" He teases, cooing at the little animal before- in a mix of slightly disturbing deformations and a blink-and-you-miss-it transformation - the fox in his arms suddenly enlarges, his limbs elongating and face rounding out.

Now, this would have probably come as a big surprise to akl but instead it looks quite funny because the moment the small fox becomes a human sized man with for ears, all the instantly added weight crashes into Phil and sends them crashing down to the ground.

But since they've all gotten used to a skinchanger moving from their human form to their animal one, one way or another, all that remains is the hilarouns scene of a laughing out loud Phil sprawled on the ground with their red faced, extremely irritated target kneeling on top of him.

"Fuck you, man! That was so mean!"

For a moment everyone is just staring at each other, trying to understand what has happened, until when Techno speaks up.

"Well I guess we found our scammer."

[sparklingichigo]

OVA III - Beel's courting

A/N: This chapter is inspired by a headcanon made by @diavolosthots you can find the actual writing here!

This happens during the times where Beel and Ichigo are not together yet. It was the time where Beel finally realized that he genuinely likes Ichigo and wants to pursue her. Of course, it wouldn't be easy since this girl is friendly and kind to everyone, even him. It's to the point that's he's confused if she's flirting or just being nice to him.

Belphie: So you like-like her?

Beel: I do, but I do need some advice from you since she's actually friendly to everyone :(

Belphie: I think it is safe to pursue her since she's a single pringle.

Beel: True...

Belphie: You can do it Beel! I believe in you!

Beel: Thanks a lot, Belphie!

After talking to Belphie, Beel tells the other brothers that he's about to enter that phase, just if anything he said would be harmful and so that they won't disturb him during such phase.

With that, the courting phase begins. From the looks of it, Ichigo notices that Beel always appears in the same places as her. When she gets out from magic class with Solomon, Beel is waiting for her outside her classroom. It was unfortunate that Beel has a different schedule from her despite having the same exact major.

Solomon: Oh, Hey, Beel!

Beel: Hey, Solomon^^

Ichigo: Beel!! [runs to give him a hug]

Beel: O-oh hey ^^

Ichigo: Did you come to get me? Am I invited to your taste trip again?

Beel: Yeah, I actually want to take you out for lunch today. I know you like exploring Devildom's food, right?

Ichigo: I do! It's interesting actually^^

Solomon: Well, I'll get going. Have fun, you two.

Ichigo: Bye, Monsolo!!

As soon as Solomon leaves, the two go to the restaurant that Beel wants to take her to. It's called Devil's chicken. Devil's chicken just opened days ago, and it seems to be a really famous chicken restaurant in devildom.

Ichigo: These are actually good! I like it!

Beel: You do?

Ichigo: Yeah, I'll give it a 5/5!

Beel responds with a smile listening to her remarks. He's already whipped since day one, especially after Ichigo saved him and Luke from Lucifer's wrath. That's where he starts to admire her. Sure, at first he thinks she's just a delicious meal, now she's not only a delicious meal, but she's also something more. Plus, he admits that Ichigo is good-looking, Asmo has stated, but he hasn't paid any attention until they stayed together in his room. That's when he starts getting attracted to her!

Ichigo: Beel?

Beel: Yeah?

Ichigo: You're blanking out... are you okay?

Beel: Yeah. Oh, there's something on your face

Ichigo: Hm? What is it?

Beel: Here, let me help.

Beel helps Ichigo get rid of the chicken crumbs on her face as the pink-haired girl smiles shyly at this action. Ichigo herself does find Beel attractive because who wouldn't be attracted to that handsome face, tall body, and- *cough* friendly nature.

Anyways, the more they got closer, the clingier Beel got. Luckily it doesn't bother Ichigo since she has some space to herself as well. But it gets a bit troublesome when Beel reaches the next phase, the protective phase. How do we explain this? This man has always been protective, but this time it's troublesome because he actually replaces Mammon as Ichigo's study partner and actually the one taking her to school.

Mammon: Wait! Beel! Hold up!! [chasing after them]

Beel: It's okay, Mammon. I'll be the one taking her. Besides, you have a different major, right?

Mammon: Well...yeah, but still! Lucifer might kill me!

Beel: He won't. I'll explain to him. Don't worry!

Mammon: Alright then... be careful, human!

Ichigo: Don't worry! Beel is a good protector~

Mammon: Shut it! I'm literally your first!

Ichigo: Yeah, yeah~

Another time, Beel actually hangs out inside Ichigo's room, more often confusing everyone. Not only that, they all get glares and growls from this man just because they're entering Ichigo's room except for Haruka since it's her room too. The first victim is Asmo since he wants Ichigo to model for him for another clothing line he's doing, but as soon as he opens the door....that man literally glares at him.

Asmo: [opens the door unannounced] Bestie~! Let's go! I need you for-

Beel: [glaring at Asmo]

Asmo: What's wrong?

Beel: Get out.

Asmo: Why should I?! Plus, Ichigo has promised that she'll model for me!

Beel: Get. Out!

Asmo:... oh my goodness! Are you in that phase?!

Beel: Asmo, please don't make me repeat it!

Asmo: Alright, okay! Understandable! Good luck, Beel!

The door slams close as the girl beside him glances at Beel confusedly.

Ichigo: What's wrong?

Beel: It's nothing. I'm just in a terrible mood...that's all

Ichigo: Oh, do you want to do something to cheer you up?

Beel: Having you near me is enough actually^^

Ichigo blushes a little by that statement, but she doesn't say a thing and just snuggles into Beel's hold once again. Yes, they're actually just laying down on her bed with a movie playing in front of them.

Another time, Satan wants to return a book to Ichigo because they've been exchanging them a lot. Once he opens the door, he finds Beel glaring at him. Satan, being the avatar of wrath, is clearly offended.

Satan: What?! Can I not return my book?!

Beel: Then make it quick.

Satan: What?!

Beel: Just put it there, and go!

Satan: excuse me?! Okay, first of all, you piece of sht, you've monopolizing her! I can't even exchange books freely with her because as soon as I did that, you dragged her away into what?! Some unimportant bullsht like this!

Beel: Satan, please don't-

Satan: And you know what?! Just because you're pursuing her doesn't give you the right to be an asshole!

Ichigo: Sa-Satan...calm down...it's okay....just put the book there...

Satan: Shut it, human! This is none of your business!

And that does it, f in the chatroom for Satan's cheek because Beel literally just punched him there.

Satan: Did you just punched me?! Oh! So that's how it is, huh?! Let's do this then! [demon form mode on]

Ichigo: Guys...there's no need to fight.....

Beel: Let's go then- [completely ignoring Ichigo's words]

Ichigo: Beel, get back here! The movie is still going!

Beel: But-

Ichigo: Please? [puppy eyes]

Beel instantly went soft and did what Ichigo told him. Satan rolls his eyes and places the book on Ichigo's table, and gets out of there. The next victim is Mammon, who walks in unannounced. Oh, boy, that's just worse.

Mammon: Hey, human! Guess what!

Beel: [glaring at him]

Mammon: What?!

Beel: [still doing that]

Ichigo: [points at the door awkwardly]

Mammon: Right...that horrible phase of courting....dang it! [exits the door]

Once Mammon exits the door, he sees Asmo and Satan giving him the "I told you so" look. It's not like he didn't believe them, but it's Beel! He's the kindest demon of them all. How could he scold his own siblings?

Satan: First of all, he did. Didn't you hear us shouting there?!

Mammon: You probably did something fatal to him!

Satan: I was just returning a book! How is that fatal?!

Asmo: And Ichigo has promised to model for me today! Now I have to postpone every single set in existence!

Satan: I'll just do this reasonably. Who here, when they have a crush on someone, would go overprotective?

Mammon: [is silent]

Asmo: Mammon, don't play this game with me. You are too protective for your own good!

Mammon: Fine... [raises his hand]

Satan: So am I, and I'm well aware of that [putting his hand up]

Asmo: I'm guessing Levi, Lucifer and Belphie is also part of that. I'm more on the flirty side, you know~

Satan: We know-

As the three of them discuss this, Haruka sees them, and she asks them what's going on out of curiosity.

Satan: [sigh] That friend of yours is stuck in that room with Beel! He won't even let us in, look! He even punched me!

Haruka: Perhaps you did something incredibly wrong?

Satan: How is returning my book wrong?!

Haruka: Why are you shouting at me?!

Satan: Because I'm still pissed?!

Asmo: Why are you guys getting loud?!

Satan and Haruka: SHUT IT!

Suddenly they hear Levi's door slam open with an angry avatar of envy right there.

Levi: What's with yall?! Why are you so loud in the middle of the night?!

Satan: None of your business, you, snake of a demon!

Levi: Okay...?

Asmo: [sigh] Beel has been scolding us for no reason and has been overly protective of Ichigo. When I say over, I mean OVERLY and UNREASONABLE!

Levi: I'm sure something you guys did may harm that girl. It ain't that big of a deal.

Asmo: It does! It does to my career!

Satan: ...it's not a big deal, but it still pisses me off because he dares to act like an asshole just because he likes someone.

Levi: Wait...

Satan: What?

Levi: BEEL LIKES ICHIGO?!

Mammon: You haven't noticed?!

Levi:...no?

Mammon: Do his acts not reminded you of every single romance show you watched?!

Levi: Sort- OMLD!

Another door was opened by an annoyed Lucifer, shouting at them to shut up because their loudness gave him a migraine.

Lucifer: Can you all keep it down?!

Satan: Well, blame your younger brother then!

Lucifer: ???

Belphie: zzz.....Beel is in the courting phase....zzz...

Lucifer facepalms at this, but it's best not to disturb him since Beel is on his courting phase. It might create more problems, so Lucifer doesn't bother confronting that gluttony of a demon and just goes back to his office.

Haruka: Are you sure he literally did not let anyone in?

Asmo: Solomon once got smacked by a pillow when he was trying to return something.

Haruka: Really?

Asmo: Yeah, I'd probably justify it if it's out of shock. But nope, Beel actually goes to that portal and Smacks Solomon's head as soon as it pops up.

Haruka: Wow, he's not only protective but violent as well?

Satan: Yes, yes he is [sigh]

Without hesitation, Haruka goes to her room. Of course, the brothers try to stop her out of concern, but Haruka doesn't listen to them because it's her room too.

Haruka: [knocking on the door] Ichigo, you there?

Ichigo: Yep! Right here! Beel is with me too!

Haruka: Can I come in?

Haruka waits for the answer until she hears the door unlock and Beel's voice answering her.

Beel: Yes, you can.

Haruka: Oh, Thank God- [entering the room] oh! You guys are watching a movie?

Beel: Yeah!

Ichigo: Do you want to join us?

Haruka : If Beel allows me^^

Beel was a bit hesitant about this idea, but he lets her watch the movie with them. Meanwhile, in Lucifer's office, the rest of the brothers (namely Mammon, Satan, and Asmo) complain about Beel's attitude causing the eldest to slam his desk to shut them up.

Lucifer: Then don't disturb him!

Satan: What?! Okay, first off, just because you're pursuing someone doesn't mean you should be an asshole to others!

Lucifer: Don't play this game with me, Satan. You know well that this phase isn't something he can't control!

Satan: Oh? So we're talking self-control, huh?! How about you control that pride of yours, huh?!

Asmo and Mammon gasp at Satan's comment because, oh wow, this is getting personal. Lucifer glares at his brother/son while Satan looks as smug as ever.

Lucifer: Mammon, Asmo, take him out of my office.

Mammon: Will do-

Asmo: Okay-

The two brothers dragged Satan away from the office, leaving Lucifer sighing and thinks he might need something to relieve his stress.

About the phase, there's something odd about it. Because Beel surprisingly allows the angels to meet Ichigo! The target of his pursue! One time, Simeon and Luke both visit because Simeon needs to meet Haruka and Luke wants to meet Ichigo to share food together.

Beel: Oh well, Haruka is in her room with Ichigo.

Luke: Ooh! Is she busy?

Beel: Not really^^ [sniffs the air] Oh, those smell good-

Luke: No! [puts the basket away] These are for Ichigo! >:(

Beel: Alright, alright^^ [pats Luke]

The other brothers witnessing this are confused. Why is Beel allowing the angels in?!

Satan: Are you for real?!

Asmo: I'm so confused-

Mammon: He let them in, and he's friendly with them?!

Satan: That doesn't make sense! We're all men, and we can't enter her room yet when it's Simeon and Luke they can?!

Asmo: That's so unfair!

As Beel takes them into the room, the chaotic trio (yes, Satan is now as chaotic due to his rage) chases after him. The three of them basically trying to enter.

Satan: Beel! Open up! This doesn't make any sense! You're allowing them in, but we can't?!

Asmo: Bestie, Ichigo? Can I come in? I won't do much. Cross my heart!

Mammon: Heh! Courting phase, my ass! You're just monopolizing her for your own benefit!

Haruka, who is also inside, is concerned because THEIR DOOR IS ABOUT TO BREAK FOR THE NTH TIME!

Haruka: That door is going to break! We need someone to stop it

Simeon: ... I didn't know your phase would go this bad, Beel...

Beel: I told them I'd be in my courting phase, and I even apologized beforehand for my actions, but here we are...

Ichigo: You're in a what-

Luke: What even is going on? What phase? Why am I here?

Beel: No-nothing! I'm just-

Haruka: [sigh] Whatever, we need someone to prevent the door from breaking apart. The last time that broke was because SOMEONE is too SENSITIVE of his FOOD!

Beel: Can we stop talking about that... it's been months!

Haruka: Just stop that! I don't want my door breaking out again!

Beel: Fine-

Ichigo: Wait, no-

Haruka: ??? Our door is going to break, and you still hesitate?!

Ichigo: I know what to do- [calls Lucifer]

With that, Ichigo calls Lucifer to help them with the door. Lucifer sighs for the nth time. How many times does he need to deal with this?!

Lucifer: For the last time! STOP BOTHERING HIM!

Satan: It isn't fair! He even lets Simeon and Luke in!

Lucifer: They're angels-

Satan: Yeah? Tell that to Solomon, who got smack by him because he's trying to return something.

Lucifer: Solomon is suspicious, and I'm sort of proud he did that. Now get off the door before I use physical force on you.

Asmo: But-

Lucifer: NOW!

Asmo and Mammon back away while Satan scoffs and just leans on the door. We have no idea why he's so persistent. Either he's into one of the girls, or he just wants to piss Lucifer off.

Lucifer: [sigh] Fine, physical force it is. [drags Satan by force]

Satan: What the?! Let go! Hey! LET GO!!

Lucifer: I TOLD YOU TO BACK AWAY BUT YOU DIDN'T!

Satan: This is none of your business!

Lucifer: Clearly is, Beel's my brother, and obviously, our honored guest needs my help.

Satan: Just let go of me, you prideful prick!

Back inside, the rest are listening to the chaos out there. They did hear Lucifer scolding them but finally, it's silent.

Haruka: Oh God, finally!

Beel: Finally, indeed...

Ichigo: Can someone just tell me what's going on?!

Beel: I can't.... not now, at least...

Ichigo: Why not?! Beel, I don't know how the demon system works, sure, but you have to be honest with me!

Beel: If I tell you.... it would just fail. Can you please trust me on this? This is not a bad thing, okay...

Ichigo: Not a bad thing?! You're literally keeping me away from your brothers! Are you sure this isn't a bad thing?!

Luke: ?? Why are they fighting??

Simeon: I'm not sure.... let's just leave them...

Haruka: I think that's a good idea... sure, let's do that...

Days have passed, and Ichigo is still a bit salty about this. Because clearly, Beel has gone a bit overprotective for his own good. Even when she's hanging out with Belphie, that man would literally growl at his own twin. I repeat, his OWN TWIN BROTHER! Even the youngest groans in frustration hearing him.

Belphie: Beel! This is my room! Come on!

Beel: Fine....just don't come near her. [actually keeps Ichigo close]

Belphie: I won't! Chill out, twin bro!

Beel: Okay...

Ichigo: What's happening? Why are you still like this?!

Beel:...

Belphie: He's in-

Beel: [glares at Belphie]

Belphie: Well, alright then- :))

The last case is when Lucifer calls Ichigo into his office. Beel is hesitant to let her leave, but this is Lucifer, so he has to. Once she's there, it turns out that Lucifer found out about Beel's actions and asked about them.

Lucifer: So, I heard Beel is on another phase, is he?

Ichigo: A phase? What phase?

Lucifer: A phase where he turns into an overprotective demon.

Ichigo: That's true... I'm not sure why, though.

Lucifer: Of course not. You're not a demon, Ichigo. You have 0 idea how the system works.

Ichigo: True...

Lucifer: He's actually on his courting phase.

Ichigo: Courting phase?

Lucifer: Yes, just like in the human world. He's courting you.

Ichigo: ...what?!

Lucifer: I'm not surprised. Honestly, he's already whipped. But here's the issue with that behavior. He'll most likely abandon his tasks for you or the other way around, pulling you away from your tasks. Now we don't want that don't we?

Ichigo: Certainly not, sir-

Lucifer: Indeed. I'm not sure when it'll end, but you need to catch up on your tasks and your report soon once that phase ends.

Ichigo: Of course

Jokes on you all, there's more. Because that one time, Ichigo, Haruka, and Levi are watching TSL. Levi even invited Simeon and Solomon to watch with them. Ichigo is so engorged in that movie that she didn't realize Beel has joined them.

Simeon: Oh hey, Beel! You're here to join us?

Beel: Yep^^

Levi: Probably here for the snack. Here, have them. [gives Beel popcorns]

Beel: Thanks a lot, Levi!

The movie went on as the TSL fans (Levi and Solomon) focused on the film. Haruka and Ichigo are not big fans, but they must admit it's a good movie. Suddenly, Ichigo feels a head on her shoulder. She turns her head to the right and finds Beel leaning on her shoulder. He's even nuzzling on her neck.

Ichigo: Beel, that tickles- [tries not to laugh]

Beel: Oh...can I still lean on you?

Ichigo: Sure, that's okay^^

Beel: Thanks, you're really cozy [gives her a slight ruffle on her hair]

Ichigo: Hey! You're going to ruin it!

Beel: No, I didn't!

The others stare at them, yes, even Levi because these two are kinda loud. Levi rolls his eyes and scolds them for talking during a movie.

Levi: Can you two normies take the flirting somewhere else?!

Beel:... :(

Ichigo: Sorry Levi- ;-;

Haruka: Don't mind them, Levi. We can still watch the movie.

Levi: Fine...

Solomon holds down his laughter because he can clearly see these two are pinning. The way Beel clings to her and how Ichigo reacts to it, that's quite obvious to this sorcerer. Haruka also notices, which is why she justifies their action. They're in love; let them be!

Now back to the movie, they all watch it silently this time, but because of how late they're watching, Ichigo turns sleepy and accidentally sleeps on the couch. Everyone looks back and sees the pink-haired girl asleep with a blanket on top of her, hugging her water bottle. Levi and Beel both went soft on her, plus knowing how many tasks Lucifer has given her, yeah, no wonder she's tired.

Haruka: Beel, can you get her into our room?

Beel: Of course^^

Haruka: I feel bad that she's sleeping on the sofa like this...

Beel: Yeah...

With that, Beel carries Ichigo back to Haruka's and Ichigo's room. Once they're gone, Solomon, Levi, and Haruka sigh while Simeon is just there staring at them confusedly.

Solomon: Those two are clearly in love!

Haruka: I know, right?! I can see it!

Levi: Beel be acting as the male lead of some shoujo manga or something-

Simeon: He reminds me of a book character, such a sweetheart^^

Haruka: I agree entirely. Hope they'll get together soon. They're just adorable together~

Levi: This normie talk makes me wanna puke!

Solomon: There's a toilet. Use it. [deadpan]

Levi: Shut it!

Weeks later, the courting phase has died down, and Beel finally musters his courage to tell her his feelings. He looks for her everywhere and finally finds her in the kitchen making instant noodles in the middle of the afternoon since it's Sunday and there's no food around.

Ichigo: Oh! Hey, Beel!

Beel: Hi [awkwardly]

Ichigo: What's up? Hungry by chance?

The orange-haired man nod as he goes to the fridge to get some snacks. Perhaps an ice cream Mammon bought for him when he went grocery shopping. Once he gets his snack, Ichigo is also finished with her instant noodle. The two finally sit together in silence, yet it's sort of awkward because Beel keeps on fidgeting.

Ichigo: Beel, what's wrong?

Beel: I'm fine... the noodles smell good, by the way

Ichigo: I present to you, Indomie! It's a human-world instant noodle. Do you want some?

Beel: If you don't mind...

Ichigo: Of course not, let me get a plate for you- [goes to the pantry to get one]

Beel: Wait!

Ichigo: Hm?

Beel: I have to tell you something...

Ichigo: Oh? What is it [going back to her chair]

Beel: I like you.

Ichigo: I know, we're friends. We're literally close!

Beel: Friends don't kiss...don't they?

Ichigo: They can if you live in France...I don't know how devildom works, though...

Beel: Ichigo, I like you, as a lover-

Ichigo: A-A lover?!

Beel: Please tell me you reciprocate my feelings.... you do, right?

Ichigo: I do... but I'm not ready for a relationship... is it okay if we take this slow?

Beel: I'm totally okay with that. I just need to let it out since my courting phase has died down.

Ichigo: Well, that's true. That was a wild ride- [laughs slightly]

Beel: It is...

Ichigo: Have you apologized to them?

Beel: I do...Satan smacked me with his thick novel for it, though.

Ichigo: Really?! Where did he hit you?! Is it painful?!

Beel: Quite painful, but I'm fine now. He hit me around this area, I think... [points to that area]

Suddenly Beel feels Ichigo's fingers go through that area, rubbing it to soothe the pain.

Ichigo: I can still feel the bump in there. I think it's not fully healed.

Beel: Really?

Ichigo: Yeah... you poor thing :(

Beel: I'm okay, really

Ichigo: Still, I was the cause of all your conflicts with all your brothers-

Beel: Hey, hey, don't blame yourself for it! It's not your fault!

Ichigo still feels guilty, causing Beel to sigh and pulls her into his lap, earning him a surprised yelp from the pink-hair girl. Beel looks up to her as Ichigo instinctively wraps her arms around his neck to keep her position.

Beel: It's not your fault, okay. Every demon experiences this. It just differs between demons. We do get protective of the beings that we love. Some are overly protective like me...some do it more subtlety, but everyone is different.

Ichigo: So it's just your way of courting me?

Beel: It is. If anything, I'm sorry. You're probably overwhelmed by it...

Ichigo: It's okay, and I'm sorry for snapping at you that one time. Plus, if that didn't happen, we won't be here, don't we?

Beel: True, very true, and I'm totally okay with that. You have no idea what's going on.

Ichigo smiles sweetly at the man beneath her, and he returns it. Until they hear footsteps coming to the kitchen. The two of them stare at the intruder, and it turns out to be Satan, about to cook some lunch for everyone.

Satan: What the fck-

Ichigo: I can explain!

Satan: Please do! Because I'm sure such affections can be done in the bedroom!

Ichigo rolls her eyes and gets off Beel to finish her indomie while Beel just throws the ice cream package on the trash can. Well, that's an awkward ending, but that's pretty much how Beel courts Ichigo, and with her, they create a beautiful relationship together~

[spoondrifts]

long post ahead I'm sorry-

crack au where Jonah Magnus is a good guy but everything keeps going wrong and he spends all of his time running around trying to stop his employees from diving headfirst into their Fuck Up™ of the week

in this au Jonah is almost entirely incompetent but he's got the exasperated parent thing down enough to make up for his lack of braincells

he's also at least 7% dumber than he is in canon

s1 Jon: please call pest control there are so many worms

s1 Elias: I already did

Jon: and??

Elias: they ate them

Jon: the worms?

Elias: the pest control guys. the worms ate them

Elias spends the entirety of season 2 desperately trying to convince Jon that none of them killed Gertrude (in this au Gertrude just had a stroke or something in the tunnels). Elias stops Jon from destroying the table but a week later something heavy falls on it and the NotThem escapes anyway. Elias bashes in Leitner's head with a pipe after mistaking him for the monster and Jon gets framed.

now Elias has to convince this hunter that Jon is innocent while Jon runs around and harasses various fear avatars (who are all very amused with Elias' wayward Archivist). Jon assumes Elias knows nothing about all this bullshit because Elias is just his weird and uptight boss who accidentally killed someone, he can't possibly know that there are literally fear gods ruling over them

olive ⚰ has named the group 'Avatars ✨'

JMagnus 👀: Jude please don't hurt him. I'll explain everything when he gets back to the Institute.

🔥: too late

JMagnus 👀: What?

🔥: too late

🔥: burned him

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

JMagnus 👀: Where is he now.

🔥: going to mike

JMagnus 👀: Mike Crew???

🔥: ya

Elias RACES to Mike's house but he. he fucking misses them. the Beholding helpfully tells him that they're all going back to the Institute so Basira and Daisy can interrogate him, which isn't ideal, he'd really like to not go to jail, so he drafts up an employment contract on the way back and barely manages to escape the whole thing with his life intact.

then he explains everything to Jon because if Jon is going to end up being the Archivist, being uninformed won't do. Jon becomes the Archivist completely on accident and Elias is desperately trying to make all of this work because, haha, the Unknowing is coming up, and Elias is not in the fucking mood to deal with clowns.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'all that is terror uwu'

spidey🕸: lmfaooo jonah how do you make an archivist on accident

JMagnus 👀: He stumbled into it. All I can do now is ensure he doesn't die.

JMagnus 👀: Or get further injured by the rest of you.

🔥: woops

🎭: hEy gUyS lOnG tiMe nO sEe

🎭: gEt iT eLiAs

🎭: sEe

JMagnus 👀: Beholding puns are not amusing from a manifestation of the Stranger.

🎭 has named the group 'eLiAs bE niCe tO niKoLa cHaLlEnGe'

🔥: haha

spidey🕸: I'm sure Nikola will be on her best behavior

🎭: yEaH i wOnT kiDnAp yOuR aRcHiViSt

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

mike n ike: hey guys what'd I miss

🔥: arent you dead

mike n ike: yeh but I came back

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA ORSINOV WHERE IS JONATHAN SIMS

🔥: can't you see haha

mike n ike: heh "see"

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA

spidey🕸: wow he must be pissed

spidey🕸: he left out the punctuation

JMagnus 👀: I WILL BREAK ALL OF YOUR PLASTIC BONES WHERE'S MY ARCHIVIST

🎭 has left the chat.

JMagnus 👀: what the FUCK

since he's still a coward Elias sends Michael to go fetch Jon, only finding out after the fact that he very nearly almost signed Jon's death warrant. Elias is now speedrunning Jon's development because fuck the Unknowing is coming up really quickly and Tim is a self destructive mess and Melanie keeps trying to stab Elias and Martin is a pining idiot and goddammit he didn't sign up for this

Elias prepares Jon the best he can for the Unknowing, because even though he knows the ritual will fail, the Circus can still cause a considerable amount of damage and he needs them out of the way.

the Unknowing happens. Jon ends up in a wack ass coma, Tim is dead, Daisy's in the coffin, and Basira is starting to look like the better choice of Archivist because jesus christ Jon has no self preservation instinct. Elias doesn't get arrested this time around but his ex husband starts coming by the Institute and fucking with all his employees. and the Flesh is attacking. jesus. goddamn.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'bully elias'

JMagnus 👀: Why are you all so mean to me? I'm arguably the nicest one here.

🔥: ur joking right

Peter Lukas: you're not nice you didn't buy me an anniversary gift 😢😢😢

JMagnus 👀: I was busy.

Peter Lukas: doing what

JMagnus 👀: Stopping the Flesh from destroying my Institute. Besides, you didn't remember my birthday.

Peter Lukas: you're 200 years old how could I remember 😓

helen!!!!!: We All Know I'm The Nicest One Here!!

JMagnus 👀: How did you make your text that colorful?

helen!!!!!: IDK

JMagnus 👀: Liar.

helen!!!!!: That's Literally My Job

olive ⚰: hey eli your archivist just woke up I think

🔥: ew why

helen!!!!!: How Delightful!! Maybe I'll Throw Him A Glad You're Alive Party!!

olive ⚰: should we invite him to this chat since he's an avatar now

Peter Lukas: no 🙅 🚫❌

Peter Lukas: I hate archivists 😤😤

olive ⚰: still mad about gertrude huh

🔥: were all still mad about gertrude

🔥: but jons fine once you burn some manners into him

JMagnus 👀: Can you all please stop hurting Jon? Or talking about hurting him? I would like my Archivist to not acquire any more scars.

🔥: damn

Peter Lukas: damn 😔

Elias keeps trying to teach Jon how to pick certain victims to feed off of because personally he has no qualms about feeding from innocents but Jon!! actually trusts him!!! so Elias doesn't want to push Jon into making decisions that will offend his moral sensitivities.

things are actually going okay for a while. Elias starts going home at a reasonable time in the evenings and Jon is actually getting some sleep. and then-

Elias is having a nice dream about Peter trying to fish Simon Fairchild out of a sky filled with eyes when he abruptly sits up in bed, wide awake.

"Ah, fuck," he says to Peter, who is laying on the floor where it is Lonelier™. "Jon's doing something stupid. I Know it."

Peter's mumbled "isn't he always" goes unnoticed as Elias hurries to the Institute, where he finds a fucking rib on Jon's desk and the coffin in the middle of the room.

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

JMagnus 👀: What the fuck do I do?? I can't go into the Buried! Why is Jon so stupid? I didn't know he had zero braincells when I hired him!

🔥: ngl why havent you fired him yet

JMagnus 👀: Beholding won't let me. We're all bound to the Institute.

🔥: F

JMagnus 👀: Why are there no Buried avatars in here? Please someone help me.

mike n ike: lol the buried is gross why would anyone go down there

spidey🕸: does he have an anchor?

[JMagnus 👀 sent an image]

🔥: is that a fucking rib

spidey🕸: wow that's not a good anchor at all

spidey🕸: he needs someone he loves

JMagnus 👀: Thanks. Gtg.

spidey🕸: np

🔥: are we not going to talk about his rib

🔥: how the fuck did he get that out of his body

🔥: yall

🔥: YALL

it takes three days for Elias to find Martin.

"Please tell me why the fuck you're dabbling in the Lonely," Elias says as Martin steps sheepishly out of the fog.

"Ah. Well. Jon can't See into it very well and sometimes we like to spice up our se-"

"Stop before I have to gouge my eyes out again."

"A-Again-?"

Elias drags Martin back to the Institute. Martin starts setting tapes on the coffin because "Jon loves these" and Elias starts bashing his head into the wall.

Jon climbs out of the coffin with Daisy and Elias almost considers locking Jon in his office so the damn archivist can't do anything else ridiculous. instead, Elias very calmly takes Jon by the shoulders, and shakes him like a rag doll.

"Stop fucking with entities, you stupid, stupid man," Elias says, shaking Jon more viciously now.

after several hours of breathing exercises Elias returns to his house and doesn't take his Sight off of Jon for the rest of the night, which is a fun experience for Peter when he wakes up and finds Elias' bloodshot eyes staring directly at him in the morning.

JMagnus 👀 added Daisy to 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivist hate club'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'shut up peter'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'you love jon more than me'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'I don't love either of you I'm heartless'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'I want a divorce'

spidey🕸: jeez take your marital dispute elsewhere

spidey🕸 has named the chat 'lonelyeyes dni'

Daisy: wtf is this

mike n ike: it's a chat for avatars

mike n ike: and ex avatars ig

Daisy: didn't I kill you

mike n ike: yea

JMagnus 👀: Hello, Daisy. Welcome to the group chat.

Daisy: why is Jon not in here

Peter Lukas: because I hate him 😁

spidey🕸: Elias talks mad shit in here and Jon would get offended

Daisy: if you talk bad about Jon I'll rip your throat out

Daisy: :)

JMagnus 👀: Noted.

mike n ike: he's kinda rude tho

Daisy: I've killed you once

Elias' only goal now is to keep Jon and his assistants from pulling any more wild stunts without his supervision. his renewed involvement with the archival staff results in a few things he'd hoped to avoid: drink invites, physical contact (Martin is surprisingly quick to start hugging Elias once he realizes Elias won't stop him), and- shudder -feelings. because Elias genuinely cares about his staff and doesn't want any harm to befall them. especially Jon. Jon is his Archivist, the only one to ever succeed like this, and Elias will be damned if he lets anything happen to him.

"Why do you care?" Jon asks, once, compulsion thrumming like static on his tongue. "About us, I mean. I would've assumed you'd want to perform the Beholding's ritual."

Jonah Magnus attempted the Watcher's Crown once, when he was young and new. he'd brought his patron close, but not all the way through, and the backlash of power killed all the inmates at Millbank and severely crippled Jonah's connection to the Eye for months afterward. he grew to assume that the Beholding simply preferred the world as it was--ripe with fear for watching. it didn't need a ritual.

he instead dedicated himself to growing stronger, cultivating his Institute of knowledge, his stronghold. if he tore out a few people's eyes when he got too old, then, well, collateral. but he doesn't want the world to end, and knows now that no ritual will ever succeed unless it brings in all the Powers at once. and he doesn't want that either.

it's concerning to him that Jon seems to be collecting marks regardless. the only ones he's missing are the Dark and the Lonely, and Elias is determined to keep it that way.

he explains all of this to Jon who, to his credit, takes it pretty well. Jon is fascinated with historic life and Elias spends some time simply recounting tales of his youth, when he still bore the name Magnus.

they bond. it's good.

and one day Basira does a little too much research and discovers the dark sun waiting in Ny Alesund. she insists they need to go and see what's left of the People's Church, they need to ensure everything is taken care of. Jon is rather insistent too. and Elias wouldn't have been inclined to let them go, except Peter was finally home after weeks at sea, and it wasn't like Jon was defenseless, he could call Elias if anything went wrong...

so, very reluctantly, Elias gives them the all clear. Basira, Jon, and Martin head north, and Elias almost forgets they've gone when he arrives home and Peter already has dinner prepared.

Jon comes back marked by the Dark.

Elias curses himself, over and over, for being foolish enough to let them go, for not keeping a closer eye on them. he knows the ritual won't work unless a certain incantation is spoken, so he'll just have to keep world-ending written chants away from Jon. easy. and it's not like Jon will even get marked by the Lonely. Peter wouldn't.

(but Martin doesn't have the same level of control, and sometimes...)

it's an accident. Martin and Jon are testing it, pushing the boundaries, when Martin pulls them both into the Lonely. Elias threatens divorce until Peter caves and fetches them, but it's too late. Jon has been marked by all fourteen Powers.

Elias tells him, and warns him to check everything he reads.

helen!!!!! has named the chat 'apocalypse babey'

JMagnus 👀: How are you doing that?

JMagnus 👀: And the apocalypse is not imminent. I have the situation under control.

olive ⚰: ha yeah

JMagnus 👀: What do you mean by that?

olive ⚰: nothing

JMagnus 👀: Well, now I certainly think it's something.

olive ⚰: it's just

olive ⚰: don't you think it's kinda weird that @spidey🕸 has been offline for so long

🔥: thats weird shes always online

JMagnus 👀: Oliver, what are you implying?

olive ⚰: idk

olive ⚰: just weird, that's all

🔥: never good when the spiders are quiet

olive ⚰: hear hear

Elias gets a sinking feeling in his stomach, and beside him, Peter looks alarmed. meanwhile, in his flat with Martin making tea in the other room, Jon has a statement clutched in his grasp.

Hello, Jon.

I would apologize for the deception, but I'm afraid that's quite what I'm good at. I'm not one to monologue, that's more Jonah's shtick, so shall we get on with things?

I admit I underestimated Jonah Magnus. He's still remarkably easy to manipulate, but when he abandoned the Watcher's Crown ritual I knew I would have to take a different approach. The Mother is not so satisfied with the world as she may have insinuated. It is our turn to rise, Jon.

At the age of eight, you were marked by us. We sent you to the Magnus Institute in the hopes that a new Archivist would rekindle Jonah's desire to end the world. Unfortunately, it seemed as though he grew fond of you, and so we brought in a new plan. We marked you. One fear at a time. Jonah gave an admirable attempt at protecting you, but ultimately, he is an incompetent old fool, and I am a Weaver. Even Jonah Magnus dances to invisible strings.

Everyone underestimates a spider until it bites. Poison is poison, Jon, regardless of the medium in which it is served.

You will be safe in this new world. Martin, too. Perhaps even Jonah and his Lukas, if the Mother deems them worthy.

Now, please repeat after me...

Jon reads the ink scratched words, eyes welling up with tears and hands trembling, as thunder crashes outside and a howling gale picks up beyond the windows. Martin is shouting something, there's the crawling press of Elias' gaze as it rests heavy behind Jon, a silent observer. He can feel Elias' soothing presence, cool and calm in the raging storm.

Elias is still watching out for him.

Strings are wrapped around his wrists, jerking his arms up in a poor mockery of religious regard, strange hysterical laughter clawing out from his throat.

Jon's tears run red. Somewhere, Elias is still watching.

The door opens.

[ultraferal]

just going to let everyone know, and review kurophiliac's post before reading this as they mention their belief around who this could possibly be, and they were correct. if anyone understands metadata, it's basically how you post something from your phone or desktop, and it sets a code in the base of it that contains something called metadata. metadata can show the location of a person, time of day, who wrote it, so the name of the person on the phone or desktop it was assigned as, and other information. people don't often think about metadata on the things you post and how people can find sensitive information about you on it, so this should also be a lesson to becareful what you post. metadata is a common way criminal's are arrested because they aren't thinking of metadata, but also people on the deep web/dark net know this, so they wipe the metadata. i have the information of the person who created the screenshots, along with their metadata, but they do not live in the united states. anyways

winthlock, faust, or vex, is the person who created these screenshots. i had a confrontation with faust a while ago on my tumblr, and with that in mind, i'm not surprised i was sent that anon telling me about the supposed screenshots of these two users. probably trying to do a similar thing to me that OP did, so it would've happened to someone eventually. not everyone knows to check metadata so people believe what they see first hand without questioning it. so with that in mind, i see everyone blaming the hypothetical "anti"........ it was one of yall. it was a self indentified proud proshipper who turned out to be the person who created these disgusting generated dialogue with the photo containing a possible child, discussion of sexualizing the child ontop of everything else that is horrible, faust/vex putting a photo into the screenshots to further push the agenda. this was a act of revenge on a proshipper to another proshipper... not some "anti" yall claim to be oppressed by. it's one of your own kind who is the criminal here. because what they've done here, is criminal. not in the defamation sense, but if that truly is a photo of a child, the child is considered the victim, not both those users being targeted. it depends on what state they both live in, but defamation can be seen as a criminal charge, so it's up to them to figure that out. regardless, yall need to cut the anti's are going to far bullshit....... because it's one of you guys, a self proclaimed proshipper who made those horrific screenshots. just wanted to make yall aware so you can drop that shit and maybe think about how being a proshipper can be an obvious red flag for a real offender who will act on it.

The whole truth (and an apology)

Hey guys. It's me again.

Hoo boy, where do I even begin?

So, as you guys have noticed, the blog about Kurophiliac and puppyfan9000, I'd taken down.

And I'm going to cut to the chase.

Turns out the screenshots really were faked.

Let's start at the beginning, where we got that anonymous confession in the server I'd mentioned.

Basically someone (we'll get to them in a bit) confessed about the whole "proshipper server lusting after a real minor. They had screenshots and they wanted someone to make a callout because they were too scared to do so themselves.

Wanting to make myself useful, I immediately volunteered.

And so the person (named Zex) sent the screenshots.

And once I'd received those screenshots, I made that post asking people to report both Kurophiliac and puppyfan9000. I even included a cybertip report link.

That was a stupid thing for me to do. That was a very irresponsible and dangerous thing for me to do. And that is putting it mildly.

I didn’t think about questioning the information provided, I didn’t ask Zex why they didn’t want to post the callout themselves, I didn’t even think about contacting Kurophiliac and puppyfan9000 who were allegedly involved in this "incident."

I went straight to extreme measures to take action against two people I barely knew myself without investigating further.

I took things at face value. I truly wish I hadn't.

Because, as I've said at the beginning, the screenshots really were, in fact, faked.

See, Zex had some past beef with Plato (aka Kurophiliac) and made this whole story about them being a pedo in order to frame them and ruin their reputation.

When I'd made that post, they linked it and outright encouraged harassment of these two individuals. (Which is, honestly a really dick thing to do.)

And the thing about them "infiltrating a proshipper server?" They were always in that server. They didn't even leave like they actually claimed to.

Their introduction post in the proshipper server.

So, Zex if you're reading this right now... well, I'm speechless. I mean, going as far as to deliberately frame someone else for something so serious? It doesn't even matter whether the person you're framing is a proshipper or not, if you're framing someone as a pedophile when they've committed no such atrocity? That's sickening no matter what your excuse is.

As for Kurophiliac and puppyfan9000, if you two are reading this right now, well, I'm truly sorry.

I'm sorry I jumped straight to conclusions based off someone else's words, without questioning that person's intentions.

I'm sorry I immediately assumed the worst of you guys without being the bigger person and handling this like a rational person would.

I'm sorry I made you panic and put you two at risk of major reputation damage and legal trouble.

I'm sorry I resorted to the absolute worst possible way of "solving" the problem.

My intentions mean nothing because I ended up causing you both harm. Just because I was lied to doesn't mean I'm completely blameless in this. I should've investigated the situation before taking action. I should've seen those rather obvious red flags in those edited screenshots as well as in Zex's behavior. I shouldn't have taken the word of some random fucker on the internet.

Whether or not you guys forgive me for this is completely up to you. I understand either way. We can go our own ways and never speak to each other again if you prefer. Either way, I hope you two are doing alright, after everything.

And that goes for the rest of you guys. Have a good day/night.

Update: kurophiliac created a post elaborating on the situation with Zex.

[innaminitus]

Desires #2

Pairing: Loki x reader

Summary:  Vanaheim needs allies and since you are the eldest daughter of its king, you are a victim of arranged marriage with one of Odin’s sons - Loki.

Chapter warnings: n-none...

Chapter prompt:  6. ‘You’re mistaken if you’re thinking that I haven’t been called cold before’

Chapter word count: 2654

A/N: I LOVED THE FEEDBACK YALL LEFT ON THE FIRST CHAPTER. TAG LIST IS STILL OPEN. KISSES. XOXO

You figured that the best way of surviving your wedding was to get drunk. It was a good plan until you found out that you were terrible at drinking asgardian alkohol. Thor came up with a drinking game – every time Loki would roll his eyes, you took a shot. It didn't take long for you to get drunk of course, so you were ruling the dancefloor with your brand new brother, letting yourself forget for a moment that your wedding night was still before you.

Eventually you got nauseous and Thor escorted you to your chair since you were quite unable to walk on your own. You sat heavily and reached for your cup, but Loki was fast to take it away.

“No more that for you,” he said, ignoring sounds of your dissapointment. Instead, he poured you some water and put the cup in your hand.

Dissatisfied you sipped the water silently.

"You're not havin' fun!” You turned to him with burning cheeks. ”Why are you not having fun?”

He rolled his eyes and you wanted to reach for your cup but remembered there was only water in it.

“I am not having fun because this is not what I wanted nor what I have planned for myself and this is rather uncomfortable situation following the fact that my wife is from Vanaheim, completely drunk and behaving like a stubborn child.”

You raised your eyebrows and shook your head, although instant neausea made you regret that.

“If you can say such complida... complicated sentences on your wedding, you are not drinking enough.”

Before he could say anything, Odin stood up and clapped his hands twice. Everyone, including musicians, silenced.

“Dear guests! Newlyweds!” His voice sounded in the ballroom. “The time has come for the beilager!”

Your cheeks felt as if they were made of fire and Loki next to you choked on his wine.

“We agreed not to do this,” he hissed through clenched teeth, but you could barely hear him because of the cheers of the crowd.

“Prince Loki and princess Y/N will now be escorted to their private bedroom where they shall sire a son!” Even through every one was delighed to hear it, you were once more concidering running away. Did he really expected you to become pregnant that fast? Heimdall promised that you will not be treated this way...

You looked at Loki. He was irritated and clenching fists on a wooden armchair. If he wasn't so keen on... making a child, maybe you could come to certain agreement.

You didn’t get to say a word to him, though, because Thor was already dragging you both up with laughter and people who looked like royals surrounded you. In the accompaniment of cheers you were walked out of the ball room.

While you were walking to your bedroom, everyone around you was making sure you and Loki are as close to each other as possible, and since everyone was quite drunk it resulted in you bumping on Loki every now and then.

You almost sighed with relief when you reached your destiny and everyone blessed you both by touching your foreheads and wishing you a son. After that they almost pushed you through the door. Inside you were greeted by a few servants who quickly came to you and begun to untie the ribbons of your dress. You peeked at Loki, whose servants were untying complicated knots on his wrists and shoulders, releasing him from elaborate leather jacket. You barely even noticed when the dress slipped off your shoulders and created a golden puddle around you. You wished you’d drink more, maybe you would pass out and at least not remember anything tomorrow. Servants were pulling the laces of your corset and you could finally breathe properly. You were left only in a slip.

Servants bowed quickly and left. You heard a click of a key in a lock and turned to Loki, surprised.

“Did they just lock us here?”

He nodded with a sigh.

“That’s a custom. To make sure we both stay here until morning.”

Unconsciously you started bending your fingers and tried not to look at your husband who was pouring himself some wine.

“Loki,” you started silently “I’ve never-“

“I know.” He interrupted without looking at you. “Customs on Vanaheim tell you must be a virgin in order to get married.”

You nodded.

“That’s true.”

He turned to you with wine in hand and sighed.

“Listen, I am not going to touch you.” He sat on the bed and kicked his shoes off. You didn’t know whether to feel offended or relieved. He glimpsed at you. “Not without your permission, I am not an animal.”

You sighed with relief and wrapped your arms around you.

“Thank you.”

“And you will not touch me without my permission, despite being…” If he was to say “animal” you would break his perfect nose. “Vanaheiman.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” you murmured, still not moving from your spot.

“Your whole planet is just a bunch of villages, a whole lot of wild animals and just as wild people who live simple life without even knowing about possibilities this galaxy can give them.”

You felt your cheeks burning from anger and your palms were itchy, begging you to use your magic. How could he say such things?

“You know nothing about me or my people.” You pointed finger at him. “They are noble and brave. They exactly know about the possibilities other planets can give them and they are free to go if they wish. Each and every one of them chose to stay and live what you called a simple life.” You didn’t even notice when you came over to him and was hitting his chest with your finger. “We are all gods, after all. Don’t forget that just because someone chose simplicity over splendour.”

“I barely understood what you said, you are drunk, Y/N and you should go to sleep,” he said with boredom.

You clenched your fists and took a step back.

“You are unbelievable! I can’t believe I married you!” You spat out. “A cold, heartless frost giant!”

“You’re mistaken if you’re thinking that I haven’t been called cold before,” he hissed, stood up and grabbed your shoulders. “A frost giant and a wild animal from Vanaheim.” You tried to push him away, but his grip on you was too tight. “What a cruel joke.”

Your magic was weak when you tried to use it on him and you remembered that damned vow. My magic shall be always in your favour. You didn’t know it was a binding spell!

“Let me go!”

“Do you want to know why you are not married to my brother, wife?” He was so close his nose was almost touching yours. “You should marry Thor, after all he is the eldest prince. But no, my wonderful father thought it would teach me a lesson for what I’ve done on Midgard.” His grip was so tight that tears were flowing to your eyes. “You are my punishment, Y/N.”

It was hurtful and humiliating. Your throat was tight and you were using every bit of your strong will to not start crying.

“Let me go” you whispered, not being able to talk any louder. “You’re hurting me. Let me go.”

The fire in his eyes faded slightly when he looked at his fingers, dug in your bare arms. He quickly let go and took a step back. It was obvious that he wasn’t fully in control of his feelings. He was hiding them too long.

Trying not to touch hurting spots you sat on the bed and patted the mattress next to you. A bit unwillingly, Loki eventually sat next to you.

“Obviously we are not a match,” you said. “But whether we want to or not, we have to get along. It’s too late now.” You waved your ringed hand at him. Sudden move made you once again nauseous. “Our first impressions were… not that great, but I am willing to give this a shot. Are you?”

He run his fingers through his hair, ruining perfect hairstyle.

“It’s not like we can get divorce anyway…”

“Is that a yes or no?”

He rolled his eyes and you had to force yourself not to look for a glass.

“Yes.”

“Great.” You stood up, feeling that you can’t keep the feast in your stomach anymore. “Now excuse me.”

You run to the bathroom and as soon as your knees hit the tiles you emptied your belly to the runoff. You felt a little more sober after all, but were sure that your wedding night was already a failure. You grabbed the sink and pulled yourself up. You washed your face with cold water, to wake yourself a little.

You were married. You were a wife and now had a husband. You still couldn’t believe it.

You struggled with hairpins holding your hair up, but only made things worse with your shaky hands. You sighed and went back to the bedroom, where Loki was lying on the bed and throwing something up and down.

“Can you help me?” You pointed at a bush your hair was now.

A smirk glimpsed on his face and he sat up when you came over and sat at the bed with your back to him.

“You look as if you fought with a hurricane.” His fingers begun to deftly take out the pins.

“Well, your brother is quite a hurricane.”

He pulled your hair slightly, but you noticed. Was his brother making him nervous? Or jealous? It certainly had to be this way, after all Loki was always a shadow to Thor’s lightning.

His fingers in your hair were way more delicate than you’d expect. He was undoing little knots so softly you almost didn’t feel it, pin after pin floated from him to the nightstand. When your hair was free and your scalp finally wasn’t aching he brushed your hair with his fingers, as if he couldn’t resist the need to touch them one more time.

“Done.”

You turned to him.

“Thank you.”

For a moment you just looked at each other, but eventually he reached to the drawer of the nightstand. And you expected everything, but not the dagger he took out. You jumped and stood up, your magic ready to fight, if not with Loki then with his knife. He sighed.

“I won’t hurt you, just sit down and give me your hand.”

You widened your eyes, for the first time hearing such odd request.

“If this is some kind of a kinky foreplay-“

“Dear god, you’re supposed to be a virgin” he sighed, his hand still waiting for yours. "If you don’t want to be harassed by my mother and ladies of court about how you’re probably not good enough in bed to still be a virgin after tonight, you have to bleed on these sheets.”

“Why do you care about my reputation so much?” You asked, furrowing your brows.

“Your reputation is mine reputation.”

He said it coldly, his attitude was back on its normal track. You bit your cheek from inside and moved further on the bed, so you could comfortably place your hand on his. He moved the sheets away and while holding your wrist above the mattress made a small cut on it. A few drops of blood fell on the bed, quickly sinking into the material. The cut healed itself second later. You watched how the blood dried in brownish colour.

A yawn escaped your lips. You were awfully tired of this day. Too many things happened.

“I think I want to go to sleep.” You yawned again, covering your lips with your hand.

“You think?” He raised his eyebrow, watching you rub your eyes.

You crawled under the sheets and placed your head on a wonderfully cold pillow, but froze when Loki lied down next to you.

“We’re sleeping together?” You stuttered.

“Do you see another bed here? I am not going to sleep on the ground, forget it.” He turned his back at you. “Goodnight.”

Every light turned off and the bedroom soaked in darkness. You kept your eyes open for a minute, trying to figure out a way out of this situation, but tiredness beat you and soon you found yourself floating into sweet, sweet arms of sleep.

*

You were warm. Warm and comfortable. You hugged the pillow a little harder, enjoying the warmth for a second longer before your servants would come and wake you for breakfast and your duties.

Suddenly the warmth moved and wrapped itself around you as well. You fluttered your eyes open, surprised to see that the pillow you were holding was not a pillow, but living flesh of no one else but Loki. He was still asleep. You let yourself look at him for a moment and selfishly enjoy the heat. He seemed so calm and carefree. His arms were wrapped around you and his leg was between yours. Although you promised you wouldn’t touch yourselves, you were sure this didn’t count. Your head was resting on his arm, so you could feel his heartbeat and how steady it was. You moved a little closer, to get more comfortable. Maybe this frost giant wasn’t so bad after all? You came to some sort of an agreement last night and it could be the beginning of… something. Maybe not relationship, but you felt like you could develop a liking of him. You could be friends if this would work out.

He moved in his sleep and furrowed his brows, his heartbeat fastened slightly. You were wondering what was he dreaming of, but then he moved again and held you even closer, almost crushing you in tight hug. His calm turned into concern. He must’ve had a nightmare. Your face was now in the crook of his neck, his hands gripped the soft material of your nightgown, and his leg rolled it up and rested in between your thighs.

“Get away from my wife, brother,” he murmured angrily in his sleep and you had to use your whole strength not to laugh.

Was he really dreaming of you in his brother’s arms?

“But Thor is so much better lover,” you whispered in his ear with a smirk.

He furrowed again.

“You didn’t even let me show you what I can do,” he sighed.

You didn’t know why, but these words made you shiver and blush. Suddenly the closeness felt different, more… inappropriate, yet you still didn’t move. Your eyes laid on his lips and tried not to rewind your short kiss again and again in your head. You didn’t even like him just a few hours ago and now you were thinking about kissing him? Obviously you must’ve been still drunk.

Loki moved again and his muscles relaxed. He let out a deep breath before opening his eyes. You quickly shut yours, trying not to let him know you were awake and yet still in his arms.

He stiffened for a second, but relaxed again. He didn’t move nor let you out of his grip. His heartbeat was a little faster than just a moment before and you were sure yours was, too.

His thumb caressed your bare back for just a quarter of a second, but then he moved and let you out of his arms. You felt the mattress moving when he got up and closed himself inside the bathroom.

You opened your eyes. A few things happened here and you were completely confused. One, you felt good in his arms. Two, he was dreaming about you. Three, you shivered at the thought of his… abilities and his lips. And four, he held you in his arms and touched you after he woke up.

You looked at the bathroom door and sighed. You could try to like him.

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[noctomania]

A Lesson To Learn From James Charles

He is by no means a unique situation regardless of sexuality. And by no means is this intended as an excuse for his actions because there is no excuse, it’s a matter, in my perspective, of prioritization. Mind you I have not consumed really any of his content only snippets of him here and there, but what I have seen is very reflective of what I have seen in others. It’s also confusing because he is selfish and self-absorbed, but that does not mean he values himself. There is a distinct difference between the two and i think it’s common for people to conflate the two. Valuing one’s self requires a certain level of empathy which he lacks. When you lack that empathy you will engage in selfish behavior and conceded perspective, and prioritize desires over other’s, and your own, basic needs.

Here is the thing. When you put relationships or sex on a pedestal, you are prioritizing it. When you prioritize something, you deem it more important than anything else. This, in turn, can effect your ability to, or your focus on, empathy. Empathy is essential to being able to respect others, their boundaries, and allow yourself to grow.

From what i have seen of James is that he seemed to hone in a lot on the “forever alone” trope. This train of thought has become signature for people who tend to make it seem like they are some how a victim or been unjustly registered as “undeserving” of a relationship. Mind you - I used to be quite like this myself. I have also known people myself who were the same way, and they actually too made me uncomfortable by not respecting my own boundaries. What happens though, is that when you take on this type of mindset- the one that frames yourself as unjustly damned to being single and that you’re suffering simply because nobody is dating you - is you are only hurting yourself and in a number of ways. First being that you are setting yourself up for disaster. Second being that you are telling everyone else that you can’t stand to be with yourself - so why should anyone else want to? And lastly as i said before you are neglecting your empathy which can in turn cause you to do really uncalled for and harmful things to others, because in your mind you have a right when you actually do not.

To expand on the first note, when you entertain the “forever alone” shit, you are in fact setting yourself up for the worst kind of reaction when the inevitable happens. No relationship - whether purely sex-based and/or romantic- is a guarantee success. You simply cannot go into it thinking that way. There is always potential that things will not work out and it is not really anyone’s fault, people just don’t always jive together that way. And if you take into account the split attraction model it can clarify why you thought there was potential when there wasn’t. It could be yall would just make really great friends, just not lovers. And that is more than okay and should not be thought of as “less than” a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

When someone breaks it off with you in that sense, and you allow yourself to fall into the “I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN BC NOBODY LOVES ME”, you are willingly throwing away all the good that is still there simply because you didn’t get what you want - and that would turn anyone off any kinda relationship with you platonic or otherwise. I know this because I’ve been there, before I understood all this truly. I understand the heartache that can come from things not working out how you wanted them to, but you could either choose to destroy potential friendship, or you could choose to moderate your heartache and understand that it isn’t necessarily a reflection of you so much as just a basic part of the process. If you take the first choice, it is a rash one and setting yourself up for even more disaster and advertising to those around you that you can’t handle the basic processes of seeking a relationship and dealing with disappointment. Also that you can’t seem to stand being alone.

Your entire life, you are the one who spends the most time with yourself. When you obsess over finding someone to be with, you are procrastinating being alone with yourself. You run the risk of smothering someone, you make it seem necessary to have someone desire you at all times and gauge your self-worth on that. Sure having a partner can be a good time, but when you prioritize it over everything else you are simultaneously not only degrading the value of your own self-love but also the love of your friends and family. Mind you, there is a lot of societal stigma to being single - i know this first hand. You are absolutely treated differently. Even by your friends sometimes. I’ve known several people who couldn’t stand to be alone and they were ritually the opposite of sunshine friends. So sunshine friends are around when things are great and when you’ve down they disappear. The opposite i’m referring to when a friend is only around when they are broken up with or single and use you as a temporary placeholder for the time they would be spending with a partner. Then when they find someone knew to date suddenly they are unavailable as a friend. That is not a good friend, and that is not how you show you value someone’s time. It also becomes clear that you aren’t really thinking of others as much as you are thinking about yourself.

Empathy is an essential foundational component to building any relationship whether platonic or otherwise. If it’s just all about you, you will inevitably neglect their needs, and prioritize not only your needs but your desires over their basic needs. We can see this pretty clearly in how James treated the straight boys he pressured. Instead of respecting their boundaries and who they are, he prioritized his desire for them to not only be available to him but also to desire him. In turn he rejected their identity that they respectfully presented to him after clear reflection, and turned around and made himself out to be a victim simply because they didn’t give him what he wanted. If he had empathy he would swallow his ego, accept them, and move on with himself and heal himself. Nobody owes you a relationship - full stop. That is something you need to earn, and even if you have earned it that doesn’t mean it would work out. Like I said before, some people just don’t jive. Just because you’re there doesn’t guarantee they will be, and that is part of empathy. Your experience and feelings are not universal. Reflect on it. Think how you would feel if someone told you straight up that you are lying about who you are. Gas-lighting you. After you spent time experimenting, reflecting, researching, etc. Demeaning what you feel and think and know about yourself. Manipulating you to make you believe that valuing yourself is an offense to them. It’s not okay and nobody should ever be made to feel that way.

Nobody will know you better than yourself. Even if you can’t stand to be alone with yourself you will still know yourself better than anyone else. Like i said before, you spend the most time with yourself than anyone else. Nobody is in your head more than you. In my perspective it is worth accepting that inevitable fact and leaning into it so that you get to know yourself better, come to value yourself and being with yourself more, and don’t chalk your self-worth up to how many people/whether someone will desire you. James had it all: fame, family, friends, wealth, and also likely had many followers who did desire him. He didn’t value it though and when he didn’t get one thing or one person that he wanted he acted in uncalled for ways. In the past I have also acted out unjustly because I got hurt. Mind you I don’t have what James does, but I still felt entitled enough to offend. Now that I’ve grown and made myself stop prioritizing being in a relationship, I’ve come to recognize how harmful those actions were. Take rejection with grace and do not feed into the desire to hurt others just because you feel hurt. Break that cycle. Being rejected or broken up with is not ever a unique experience as hard as that may be to hear. It doesn’t entitled you to infringe on other’s basic rights. It entitled you to getting drunk, eating a pint of ice cream, and/or dancing to your favorite nostalgic music in your underwear at 3am. When you hurt the only way to properly combat that is self care, not harm to others.

Anyway i’m still in recovery from my cold so i think im gonna wrap it there. Just always take the opportunity to learn from other’s mistakes so that you do not replicate them or continue a vicious cycle. Give yourself permission to grow up. What is right is not always going to be easy, but in the long run will be best for all involved. Do your part to lessen the damage to yourself and others.

[shababyj]

  Suicide…The act of ending one’s own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative??? Such a dark and gray area for some people to go, yet some of us live in a constant state of dying alive every-single-day.

Most people often wonder what was going through their mind or what could have been so bad that they had to end it all? Did YOU bother to ask them how THEY were doing? Every time they seemed off or distant, did you ask them if they wanted to go somewhere and talk? Were You really paying attention?

It is never the world’s responsibility to bring you out of your dark black hole and save you. But it helps to have people in your circle have some understanding and knowledge of what mental illness looks like. It’s not always textbook with everyone or like it is in the movies. I think people are being misled by the media on what REALLY happens when you are hit with this disease.

There are so many mental illnesses that lead to suicidal thought and some end in death by suicide or even murder. I know right…scary huh? But it’s the truth! Most of the time people are so engulfed in their own pain that they don’t realize someone else’s pain. But for the most part, that is not the case. Many people are ignored and told to go to a doctor, get some medicine, have a drink, learn to relax, and the most famous of all, just deal with it. Kinda fucked up, ain’t it!

Some people, like myself, deal with people who claim to be victimized but it’s for pity. They find people who make them look better, make them look superior in a way, and then stomp all over their lives one small fraction at a time. It’s no illness but it is sick. They have several different types of a narcissist and most will play the victim card all the while they are abusing the shit out of you. It’s not treatable and it can be corrected only if the person themselves wanted to do so, but they love to cause pain, so they remain the pieces of shit they are. Be aware they claim the victim card all the while they themselves are indeed the abuser. (NOTE: They will only threaten suicide for attention and pity but would never kill themselves because they hold themselves above all other…only they matter)

Depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, bipolar, postpartum depression, trauma, ADHD, schizophrenia, and many others are main causes of suicide. Today, there are many children and teens committing more suicides than adults. It breaks my heart to know that so many young kids decided not to fight another day. I wish I could have saved them all. 😦 Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be able to save myself but I keep pushing through all the hell and fire that gets thrown my way.

It seems every single time a celebrity commits suicide, the world notices the sickness that’s spreading. It’s as if it’s contagious in areas where people have more money and fame than they can ask for. But is it all worth it? Sometimes we only see what people want us to see and we forget to ask about the other half we don’t out of fear. The world has been so offended by every damn thing, that even people can’t ask each other if they’re okay without getting offended. You don’t need to know all the details but make sure people know you are there and make sure you damn-well mean it!

Mental pain is brutal, gut-wrenching, and soul-sucking, breaking you down little by little into a person you won’t even recognize. You become edgy and angry at times but other times sad and guilt-stricken. It plagues you with thoughts and emotions that tear away at you piece by piece. You become who the illness creates and feeds; no longer the human you once were.

The sharpness of the pain is suffocating, intoxicating, and makes it hard to breathe. At points in time, it overtakes every ounce of your thoughts and consumes even the greatest parts of your better days. You are manic from the suffering and trying to run away or paranoid with all the voices in your head and they are the only ones who stay. Maybe your eyes are swollen shut from all the pain that melted away only for new hurt to surround you and bring you down once more. Maybe you just can’t escape your own hell.

Suicide to a sick mind and broken soul is a way out for them. An escape to remove the burden they carry and all the baggage they drag around. Coming from personal experience, family and some of your closest friends are often the first to shut you up and turn you away when you need them most. It’s not a secret, but they claim to be tired of hearing about the same shit all the time. But have they ever put themselves in your shoes? Have you ever felt what I felt? Those are questions our people…OUR PEOPLE… need to ask themselves. How would you feel if the roles were reversed???

When no one else will listen to a sick person, they often isolate and disassociate with life and the things they used to enjoy. Happiness doesn’t come by all that often so solitude and disconnect is often the next step. Many times you will still see the laughter here and there but it won’t be the same as before. Hurt people tend to replace joy with other habits such as sleeping a lot, staying locked away from others, not going out with friends, drugs, smoking, and alcohol. Some even form an eating habit.

When all else fails and you have nothing left to pull you out of the darkness because all your cries for help faltered; you succumb to your own self-destruction. You might start cutting yourself (my specialty once) to relieve the emotional pain through physical drainage. It brings relief for a time and leaves a scar that tells your stories painful truth. You might even start to starve yourself thinking it will starve the pain, or feed it and binge feed every single ache and then some may even make themselves vomit. There are so many ways that people deal with pain and it only leads to other illnesses.

At last, no one hears your cries or bothered to help you in your time of need. Hell, maybe some didn’t even believe your pain was real. Some thought it was fake or made up and some thought you were strong enough to handle it. The fact is at some point, every single one of us breaks. We shatter like glass and we struggle like hell if we have to pick up all the pieces…especially alone. How overwhelming for a sick person, right? It becomes too much and they only see the shattered pieces and make a decision to end it all.

No one just decides they want to die just because. No one knows the pain of another but with some strong understanding of human life and the way the mind work, you can potentially save a life. These people are broken individuals that lack something and are tired of pain. Meanwhile, you are parading all the joy you have in your life in front their faces while they are just asking for your time and understanding. Now time is up and you were never there and they are devastated that they have to turn to the only thing that ends it all…the bullet, the knife, the razor blade, the rope, the pills…and most of the time those things are always available and always work correctly in their favor.

There is no coming back from the dead. Someone is suffering in your life and I promise you, even if you think you know them well, they have thought about ending themselves. It’s not uncommon for even the happiest person on a bad day to think about suicide. Sometimes there are no warning signs and we have to pay attention to our people, especially our children and teens. At some point and time, we will all have the blues but not everyone will fall victim to a serious mental illness.

Most men don’t express their feelings well and they are left behind when it comes to suicide prevention. We need to let the men in our lives know that they don’t always have to be the strong one, the tough guy and the rock for everyone. They can break down and cry and have moments of weakness whenever it may be. They are entitled to be an emotional wreck just like us women.  It’s okay to be a man and be tough and still know that when it hurts, it hurts, and its okay to express it.

The big thing we fail women on is postpartum depression.  I think more a lot of women, that’s where the illness began. We are shamed as fat, not losing enough weight after birth, not having enough energy, not keeping ourselves up,  not being the once amazing lover, not having time to do work, not being the good enough mother and wife, and we are exhausted. Someone is always criticizing bottle feeding, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, pacifiers, and co-sleeping and all that bullshit. Fuck what you and everybody else thinks. So what if your husband’s mother wants this or your mom wants that and his or her sisters thinks that’s not good enough….FUCK THEM ALL!!! You are the momma and that baby is you and your husbands…do it yall way!!!!

The intimidation is causing more women after childbirth to stay in this depression longer than the typical postpardum time. It’s ridiculous that people have to throw so much bullshit at a new mom or dad for that matter. It breaks you down when you need your strength the most. It continues a destructive path because of hormones imbalances and lack of sleep and major life changes. Mothers are ending their life when their children need them most and I believe it all started in this very personally important period. Selfish? Maybe but its all personal opinion.

Photo by NIKOLAY OSMACHKO on Pexels.com

I think we all should help each other in our most vulnerable moments. A hug or a simple talk would most likely help anyone. For the new mom or dad, a new coffee maker or a night out would help. For the person who is being bullied, don’t justify the bully and disable the victim (see narcissism). Always know that someone you run into every single day is tired of living and is waiting for someone to give them some kind of hope. Be paying close attention.

I am 36 years old and I suffer from ADD-ADHD combined type and OCD. I have been diagnosed with manic depression before, now called Bipolar depression, but I am better than I used to be. I have anxiety brought on by my ADHD but on medicine, it is a lot better and manageable. I have PTSD brought on by the trauma of my daughter’s heart defect diagnoses and the events to follow. The thought of facing losing your child is unbearable and seeing what she went through was very traumatic for me. The worst part of it was I was still in the postpartum period even when she had her open heart surgery, which was the most debilitating and painful place in my life I have ever been. I am the victim of narcissist abuse. My husband, myself and my daughter are all victims of these people’s selfishness and even once we are free, damage remains done. But they always lose because playing the victim as a bully for so long only gets you found out about. Keep on playing the games while I keep on laughing and moving forward with my family.

Suicide: Are You Dying Enough Yet? Suicide...The act of ending one's own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative???

[syntaxlog]

entry #3

8/2/2021

Honestly, I don’t force anyone to stay or listen to my problems. If you don’t like it, just go, this goes for friends or a significant other, I’m not holding anyone hostage. I talked to aidil about what she said about me, How my venting makes people around me feel bad. When I pointed out to her, why is that my problem? 

She couldn’t answer, because the truth is it really isn’t. I’ve never asked anyone to stay and listen. This goes to shafiq too, I’ve stopped relying on him completely. I just see him as a boyfriend, not a person I can receive support from and that’s fine. I don’t approach people unless they ask if I want to talk or vent. It’s not my responsibility for how you personally feel about a problem that has NOTHING to do with you. That’s NOT my problem, people just feel bad I have it hard and they think my anger is directed towards them. It isn’t but if you’ve ever been a bully or attacked someone who CLEARLY was not in any position to fight, then maybe you’re just offended because I’m the result of having those things happen to me. why the FUCK is it my problem you feel bad? 

Fuck you, I’m not going to pretend to be happy to make everyone comfortable. I’m fucking angry and miserable and unhappy and I’ll be fucking honest about it because it WONT ALWAYS BE THIS WAY. I’ll get better soon. I’m done living the way everyone wants me to live so everyone can feel comfortable. Fuck you, I’ll damn well own my fucking feelings. I don’t need validation from anyone. I have my own. I’ve gone around in fucking circles for years wondering if I WAS THE PROBLEM. Admittedly, I definitely had problems with control towards others and myself. This was partly due to how I had a lack of control of my own life. After learning to be more selfish I realize I don’t feel this need to constantly exercise control over others, that shit is batshit crazy and I honestly hate how I did that. 

I don’t feel any need to control anyone’s feelings or behaviour, but I can finally fucking retaliate if i feel like it. I can show anger and hate and I don’t want to be nice anymore. No one’s nice to me, the only one who’s nice to me is kyle. The rest of yall are just fucking mean . 

I’ve grown so much as a person and I know there’s more I can do. But I don’t treat people badly, I’m a good person. I’m truly a good person, I’m not a bad person for expressing sadness or negative emotions. I’m only a human, I might be pretty but the feelings inside me aren’t always pretty and that’s okay. I don’t have to fit into a mold if i don’t want to. I’m myself and I don’t want anyone to tell me I cant be me. I don’t care if you think I’m always saying ugly things, i dont want to be a liar to myself and to people who really care about me. 

I’m not okay yet, but I will be and there’s no shame in that at all :( 

I’ll be healthy and happy one day and I’ll have myself to love and thank for. 

Stop telling me I’m playing victim or being fucking toxic for venting,  Yall are just mad I can express myself and dumbasses like the guy im dating and some retard called lulukiss or some shit can only express their feelings thru video games or shitty lyrics.