#some of these might have been done before‚ idk i didnt check

[antagonistsimp]

drdt textposts 1/?

this is my rite of passage into every fandom i join

[artdcnaldson]

UGH ok twist my arm i guess!!!! as a little treat!!!! dr donaldson <3

so gynecologist art, yall, doctor donaldson. cat and i were in the dms TRUST. so art decides that he should probably have a backup plan, just in case tennis doesnt work out after college. he doesnt expect to actually need it because his tennis is going great, hes on track to go pro very soon. but JUST in case, he decides to use his good grades to study some kind of medicine. initially he had thought some kind of sports medicine, if nothing else then it would be good knowledge for himself down the line.

but after his grandma passes (not of a stroke) and he hears his family discussing how if only her gynecologist had paid better attention and taken her serious she might have lived longer (idk anything about medicine but probably some kind of cancer yknow?). anyway he sees that a his motivation and picks gynecology as his field. patrick absolutely teases him to death over it, "you're gonna be a pussy doctor? what so you just get to look at naked chicks all day? i'd quit tennis for that too". again he's not really expecting to need it, so he doesnt take it too hard. but he's kind of obviously the only guy in the course, and the girls all think he's kind of weird for wanting to pursue a field of medicine that isnt relevant to him. but after him telling the story about his grandmother they all coo and comfort him that its okey and they understand.

he does well in all his classes because he does truly find it interesting and wants to do his best to help women. but as he's getting ready to go pro, he has an accident on the court, as he's going to return a long ball he twists his ankle and takes a bad fall. his recovery is good, but his ankle will never be as it was before, and his chances of the big tennis dream slowly dies. and ultimately he's just unwilling to spend his life as a struggling tennis player, when he could be making a real difference.

now that he has his own practice he likes to tell that story to his new patients, especially the ones who seem tense with the fact that he's a man, who will be examining their most private area. it does well to ease their minds. hes been doing this for many years now, he enjoys the work, and the women who come to him are happy with his work. his patients are typically slightly older women, as they're not as phased by a male gynecologist, whereas most younger women arent as comfortable with the idea. he doesnt mind that, in fact he understands perfectly. honestly hes grateful for it, he fears the day he might have a patient whos just a bit too attractive and he'll have to struggle to keep his cool.

that day unfortunately comes sooner than he had hoped. its your first appointment with him after having him recommended by a friend, you had contacted him and told him how you were very unhappy with your current doctor and wanted to try something else. not having had a male doctor before, except like your dentist, youre very nervous for the appointment. not knowing what to expect from it, or how seriously he will take your issues. out of nervous habit youve gotten ready for the appointment as if it were a date rather than a clinical exam. showered, shaved, cute panties, hair and makeup done. its all totally unnecessary, but the moment you see him for the first time you thank the divine for looking your absolute best. GOD hes so hot. far too hot to be a doctor. lets just say that he wears scrubs because theyre so sexy, and they truly are criminally flattering on him. he sits on his chair, typing away as youre lead into the room by an assistant. as soon as he looks up and asks you to have a seat with him, you both know youre screwed. the tension is immediately noticeable as you discuss your reason for coming in, just a routine check because your last doctor wouldnt do it thorough enough and didnt listen enough to your issues.

he leaves the room while you strip off and leave your clothes in a neat little pile, panties clearly on top in the hope that he'll see them and think theyre cute. and he does, in fact his eyes keep fluttering to them as hes getting ready for the exam. he has to adjust his chair a little lower in the hopes that you cant see that he's getting hard. meanwhile youre going from soaking to sopping wet as you watch him put on the latex gloves, snapping them against his wrist.

he can tell that you're tense, but as its your first appointment with a male gynecologist, he assumes thats the reason, and not the fact that youre mortifyingly wet. he tries to calm your nerves by telling you what he'll be doing, he sits right in front of you on his chair and tells you how first he'll examine externally, just checking for anything irregular. then an internal exam with the same purpose, and then finally a physical exam where he will just have to feel your tummy as well as your pelvis to ensure everything is as it should be. totally routine stuff, nothing out of the ordinary, if anything hes far more attentive and careful to make sure youre comfortable. but the way hes saying it, his voice and the way he's looking at you has you clenching your thighs shut and trying to keep yourself from making a puddle on the table.

as he gathers his tools he asks you to place your legs in the stirrups, he sees you struggling a little to get your right leg properly in place, he gently grabs your leg and helps you place it properly. goosebumps cover you leg as he pulls his hand away again. you can feel how wet you are as youre not totally exposed to him, dripping wet, youve been less wet when hooking up with people. this is just from interacting with him briefly, really its embarrassing. hes so sweet asking if everythings alright, and if he can do anything to help you relax. and after squeezing your eyes shut and holding your breath for a second you finally get out that you just feel like youre really wet, and youre not youre not sure why, this doesnt usually happen. hes so sweet, trying to reassure you, telling you its perfectly normal. its a natural response from your body, if anything its a sign that youre healthy!

hes not lying, he really does mean what hes saying, it is good and it is normal. but hes never seen anyone be quite this wet during an appointment in his office. youre soaked, its practically dripping onto the table and forming a puddle. if he was sporting a semi under the table he might have referred you to a different doctor. but youre so pretty he cant help himself.

he really does try his best to stay professional and not let his attraction crack through and distract from his work. but fuck youre so tight around his latex covered fingers when hes doing the exam. and you only squeeze down tighter when he tries to reassure you, tell you youre doing good. its making it hard for him to focus on the task at hand. it takes everything in him to keep his hands from drifting and moving to find those sweet spots inside of you. he doesnt have to deprive himself for long tho as he accidentally brushed against your gspot. his cheeks turn bright pink as he hears a tiny moan escape your lips. and youd been so good at keeping them in the whole time too. but this one couldnt be contained. he stays good, doesnt say anything, just carries on with his work. but he almost lets out a moan of his own as he sees the ring of cream gathered around his gloved fingers.

he takes his work very seriously and he doesnt take the idea of losing his medical license due to malpractice lightly, so he wouldnt be just giving in to his urges. his resolve breaking doent come lightly, its a big deal to him. he goes home that day and jerks off in the shower while thinking about you, he knows exactly what your pussy looks like, what it feels like, how soaking wet you got for him. he cums again in his bed and humps his mattress while dreaming about you. he wakes up and decided he needs to see you again. asks his assistant to set up another appointment with you. when he asks what for, he stutters and says something about needing to do some tests just to be sure of something. hes lying, obviously, but he needs to see you again. he cant stop thinking about your tight little cunt...

-🐞

ladybug your mind amazes me... <3

He can't risk medical malpractice, and he really is a good doctor, he loves his work, he wants to help people. And he's really never, ever reacted this way to a patient before, but god, he can't get you out of his mind.

So maybe he schedules a follow up for a week later. Maybe his heart is racing and his palms sweat when he walks into the examination room and sees you in the little fabric gown, hands in your lap, worrying your lip between your teeth.

He feels like a nervous teenager on a first date, not a fucking healthcare professional.

He listens to you speak about your concerns, walks through your test results from the week prior. Everything looks good, he says. Nothing felt abnormal, your body is working just how it's supposed to. Do you have any questions for me?

You shake your head, sweet and shy, aching for an excuse to get his hands on you again, but running low on things you can ask for.

[cider-est]

The full lineup is almost done!! (just needs some touch ups and a Chunsik design👍) FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APRECIATED!!

Design process under here (whole lot of yapping)

General thoughts: Ive given them in my previous design sheet (you can find it in my blog)(tldr: designs match characters but still childish, 8-12 years old). Only thing different here, is that these eggs were eggs who I had less of a clear idea of what I wanted to do with them (though I still really liked where I ended up!!)

Empanada: Didnt want to go for the full sweet lolita route, mostly because I thought it'd take away the "little kidness" of it all, but something that still resembles the aesthetic. She's wearing "carneirinhos" (idk the name in english) which is very cute little girl to me, and shes also a demon! Her tail resembles a frying pan!! Though I might change her fringe (it was supposed to be baby hairs but now that I think about it, her type of hair probably wouldnt have them) and put some argyle pattern in her sweater vest. I just forgor💀 to do that...I also wish I had made her shorter, but unfortunetely I drew this before the eggs did the height check (YES ITS BEEN THAT LONG).

Sunny: My beautiful baby girl. She means the world to me. I love this minecraft egg with all my heart. Shes wearing Light up sketchers and some fairy wings like Pomme, and shes actually wearing a swimsuit, she just put a tutu over it. The diamonds they're always holding are rings, they have a "terere" in their hair (idk name in english😭😭) and the beads were inspired by an artist on twt (@\BLUETOMATOSODA). Also if you are wondering why her hair looks like tentacles, its because I had originally made it puffy, but changed my mind after doing the lineart, so i had to get creative with me covering it up. Just pretend she has a fan, shes a star after all!

Pepito: Basically, he is very smoll. Chiquito even. He has strawberry hair and MASSIVE glasses that take up his entire face. Hes wearing a swimsuit aswell (dont ask how it works idk either), and has floaties since he cant swim. Hes got crocs, since flip flops hurt his toes, with a spider man charm on them! Also hes got a sunhat, mostly cause I wanted some other accessorie but didnt want to go with gas mask since it'd kinda kill the whole swimming vibe (since his model is wearing a swimsuit). sorry if its not too accurate to his character. Side note: Him, Em and Sunny all have freckles! Him and Sunny all over their bodies while Em just has on her cheeks.

Leo: Cute sporty vibe, love her shorty spiky hair. Wanted to try to make her face spiky aswell, for the whole shark dad thing. Shes got a necklace with a shark tooth (I guess she got it from Foolish??). He changes tshirts randomly, and opens and closes his attack on titan hoodie depending on the tshirt's expression (basically my version of Leo changing her player heads constantly). His trainers have dragon wings and also: whealies!!

Dapper: Im gonna be honest: did not expect to like his design THIS much. The colouring really elevated, with the long blue hair (the same colour as the ghosties!). Wanted to make them, y'know, dapper, so I had to sacrifice some of the "little kid vibes" unfortunetely, but I think it fits her still. The hat has part of the helmet that they used to wear a lot, demon horn to match Pomme, and a suit that is VERY inspired by Death the Kid from Soul Eater (very fitting for a reaper in training imo). Might be my favourite design!

Ramon: Jesus fuck you'd think designing your fav egg would be easy BUT NO. I struggled long and hard. Again, he doesnt have that much "little kid" vibe whatever man😭😭 Im just happy that I even managed to make SOMETHING. Hes got Create googles, his meathead is a massive hat that completely hides his hair. Very simple, very Ramon, though I will probably end up making a version with an ugly sweater just like he likes instead😔. I still like it but. man...

ANYWAYS IF YOU READ ALL THAT MWAH, YOURE A REAL ONE, THANKS FOR ENTERTAINING MY THOUGHTS🫶🫶🫶

[chasing-rabbits]

Prison Break recently got added to Netflix so I was like why not, I’d heard of it but never watched it at the time when it first came out but I thought yeah this looks good and then immediately got hooked and binged all 5 seasons. And then went down the rabbit hole looking up Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell and such and I saw they are going to be starring in a new show together which already sounds good so can’t wait for that to come out. I know the final season that came out years and years after season 4 finale was sort of mixed reviews but as someone bingeing it back to back I did like the sort of alternative ending for Michael. I also loved that they brought back the gang especially Sucre. I know they are planning to create a new show people keep calling it a season 6 but it’s not its prison break but a whole new cast from what I understand it won’t be any of the OG cast but just set in the same universe/world as the original Prison Break. Idk might watch it when it eventually comes out but I’m not typically a fan of that when shows get played out so long that they then have to move onto a ‘next generation’ because they’ve met their limit w/ the current characters storylines idk sometimes it can just feel like maybe just a little repetitive when shows do that sometimes but it could be done well so idk. I also cannot believe he is 52 actually none of the main cast really look their age. I also liked the surprise change in T-Bag in that final season and the twists with that too. I am almost tempted to start watching some of the DC stuff he’s been in even though I’ve not really watched anything from that before I mostly have just seen a lot of the marvel stuff over the years as that’s what Kade liked and he got me into it even then I’m not like on a level with die hards who know everything about the MCU. But I saw some GIFS on here when I was searching for prison break ones & the clips I did see looked good although I saw one saying he left after s1 because he didnt want to play straight characters anymore and then another one implying Snart was gay and they loved that he got to play a cunty gay villain so idk if one of those is wrong or they did switch him up to be gay cos of this who knows but I may just have to check it out. Side note I do keep seeing ads for The Penguin & it does look pretty good, but I kinda feel like with DC & MCU a lot of it feels like hard to get into if you dont already know the world its set in like Idk if I would’ve watched all of the marvel stuff if Kade hadn’t also given me extra info on the MCU I mean sure we’ve all watched some MCU & DC movies like come on who hasn’t but like not so much the shows so idk. Anyways I cannot wait to see more of Purcell & Miller together because I loved them as the brothers in Prison Break & I loved Prison Break I really like Schofield & Sucre’s friendship throughout the whole thing & as much as T-Bag is there to hate there was something to be said about how he always managed to survive like a cockroach I was for sure he was dead after he got his hand chopped off but nope he just kept on going til the end lol

[redjaybird]

[SO. Almost Vincent murder mystery.

So at one point in the dream, it has been acknowledged that someone has tried attacking Vincent before, just to point out for starters. (i mean who wouldn't?)

So, like, I was at work (dunno what kind of work, i was just apparently at work)? And i got a phonecall to come home because someone has been almost murdered in front of my home (home in dream was a house we used to live in, not currently live in). so i had to go home and check this out and get people in to help with that and get VincentBryk to the hospital. (ps. he was mostly supposed to be Vincent, but there were occasional hints to bryk himself, as well, apparently. so, yeah. dream combining stuff as it do. prob helps that thats Vincent's fc.) I was actually upset by this whole deal, man. and a bit traumatized, because he was very bloody and very, i think, stabbed. a lot. he was a mess. but yeah i was upset because, like, yeah, Vincent is a giant asshole, but like, man what happens when he's gone? what then? what do i do? i had this vague connection to him that i didnt really want to lose?

but yeah, he got taken to the hospital. i went back home to try to figure out the mystery of who done it. why would someone do this? i mean i get why, but also why? in front of my home? i think i have a little hint of a friend of mine who might have done it based on something they said at one point, but i never got a chance to bring it up for some reason. discussing with others about who could possibly do this, what their motivation was, etc.

at one point the hospital had to put Vincent's insides into a blender to help figure out what the deal was??? or its supposed to help fix him somehow, idk. (and im starting to die now as i type this fksdjfksdjfs.) that was a thing.

he was a little conscious for things, didnt tell us who did it, though.

there was a little thing like someone put something on my computer that was trying to point out why he was bad. but there was no way to tell if that was a real issue or not or if it was a statement that never officially got released to let people know he did this bad thing specifically. and that was like, o this could be one of the motivations. but still dont know who.

but yeah. Almost dead Vincent. mystery never got solved.]

[wormlips]

The way I got into Thramsay, I was frightened at the thought of reading ff about them, even though I shipped the guys from Killing stalking — arguably not as whumpy. But, they were the most toxic pairing I’d shipped, up until that point. I had only ever watched GoT too, till recently. I thought the fanfiction would be darker, I think. But I was still intrigued, cause I did draw them on one occasion. Then like 5 years later, I came to check this tag on a whim, and had such a visceral reaction to some fanart on here. Long story short, I now strangely ship three pairings where one half of the ship kidnapped (“kidnapped”) the other. And two where one character has .. lost some bits. *whispers* how are there two?? 💀

Yeah it's funny how you can tell yourself 'im just going to take a quick look' and then fall head-first into things. like you never saw it coming but suddenly it's a part of your life

or dismissing a thing only to return years later and realize that it was right up your alley all along

Your ask made me write even more because like you I hadn’t shipped anything on thramsay's level before so i didnt have a good frame of reference what it might have been like but i were intrigued too and it's cathartic putting into words what i think makes them so captivating to me

I definitely had interest in toxic relationships with abusive and dark elements in it long before but none where one of them had literally removed body parts from the other. I think Ive always been on the softer side so I need (needed? Idk if i do currently) some sort of mutual feelings even if it is irrational or non genuine like people who cant help but still love someone who hurts them or the reverse - loves someone but cant keep from hurting them. The DA fic kind of pushed that to its limits but it contained some sort of lingering sentimentality amidst graphic descriptions of flaying and i was thinking you can do that??? Though in that fic the torturer had been corrupted by magic so their relationship had been normal at one point which separates it from thramsay. but it had been proven to me that ppl could justify* ”love” in horrible conditions that is interesting to read and i should stop writing but i went into thramsay fics to find out if someone had done so (also whatever else, i was fucking around to find out)

It just hits the spot i ❤️ characters being conflicted about their lover and i want to be unable to tell if the ”love” they feel for their counterpart is actually something else

even though i'm not particularly into show-verse thramsay anymore the best example i can give is the infamous bathing scene where ramsay asks if reek loves him and reek says of course with full conviction and it's like obviously it isn't true though reek might feel like he does because he has conditioned himself to have that response, he brainwashed himself to cope and for safety because he has to believe so ramsay can't find out he's lying but then if he thinks he feels it so much that he does............? how do we define real vs fake love an-... whatever i'm going too far we don't need a philosophical discussion of this rn

you can make it worse by switching between him being self aware of all this to fully believing he's always been ramsay's, the way he slips back into theon's thinking patterns in the book from reek's and anything inbetween until you have toxic sludge on your hands and furthest thing from a normal, healthy relationship

and even more fun if you do the same to ramsay, it doesn't have to be real love but it's such a clingy obsession and dependency, mutual belonging and the idea that he will always return so his closeness, his whispers will be likened to that of a lover because what else is there to compare it to *there's probably a better way i could put it but by justify i mean the author writing something that makes sense from the character's point of view. i don't want to be misconstrued

[merlions]

Im terribly sorry to report that I am having Hamlet Thoughts again :/

It is possible I have said this all before maybe several times. But!

Why is everyone so judgy of Hamlet!!! It feels like when people were all "wait Romeo and Juliet makes sense if you remember they were fuckin TEENS" but the same justice has not been granted my good boy Small Ham??

Well Hamlet:

Was also a teen!

With a recently dead dad!

Found out his mother married his uncle.

Found out his UNCLE MURDERED HIS FATHER.

Noticed no one cared! No one even knew, really? So he couldn't really do anything about it cause now this guy is the king??

Was commanded by the ghost of his dead father to murder that guy!

Does NOT want to commit murder!!! I cannot stress enough how much Hamlet's whole entire arc is him just making up excuses to stall because he can't think of a way around having to kill Claudius but he just! Does! Not! Want! To!

"OK the only real evidence I even have of this is a literal ghost and however much faith I have in my own judgement. So like. Maybe I should fact check that before I murder a possibly innocent guy in cold blood?"

Is a nervous wreck!! "He's pretending he was driven mad by grief, he's not actually mentally unwell" he's literally contemplating suicide, he did a whole long soliloquy about it. Y'know, the one that goes like, "To be or not to be"? It was this whole thing idk, I thought it was pretty memorable but maybe that's just me

"Hey mom maybe we should like not hang around that guy he seems like he's maybe bad news-oh FUCK he's literally spying on me saying this to you, hes gonna kill me SHIT" *stabs randomly at curtain*

ACCIDENTALLY KILLS HIS GIRLFRIEND'S DAD

CAUSES HER THE SAME MADNESS BY GRIEF HE'S [only half] PRETENDING TO BE AFFLICTED BY

NOT GOOD. THE SITUATION IS NOT IDEAL

Does this fuckin play he was stalling on to try to at least get Claudius to say something about it, like truly can we salvage something out of this

NOPE

CLAUDIUS GETS A GUY TO ATTEMPT MURDER ON HAMLET BY POISONING HIS BLADE IN A DUEL

GETS IMPATIENT AND TRIES TO KILL HIM WITH MORE, OTHER POISON

HAMLETS MOM DRINKS THAT POISON TO KEEP HAMLET FROM DRINKING IT

THE GUY COERCED TO KILL HAMLET THEN SUCCESSFULLY POISONS HIM

HAMLET POISONS HIM RIGHT BACK

CLAUDIUS DRINKS MORE POISON ON PURPOSE

EVERYONE IS NOW DEAD

???????

HOW IS THIS ALL HAMLET'S FAULT

"If hamlet had done the murder at the start he wouldn't have cost several other random people their lives including himself, hes so terrible and indecisive" LISTEN

First of all. I wonder if maybe the guy who actually did the murder and stole the crown and then directly caused death to most of those other dead people - I wonder if he might be partly responsible? For a few of those people dying. I wonder if King Claudius of Denmark might share some of the blame for some of those people that got dead directly and accidentally by his hand. (Now thicker than itself with brother's, wife's, son's, son's girlfriend's brother's, and arguably son's girlfriend's father's blood! Starting to doubt there IS rain enough in the sweet heavens to wash it white as snow actually. That's a lot of blood)

Also Hamlet is 17? Why was it HIS responsibility to deal with Claudius?? Oh yeah and

HE DIDNT WANT TO MURDER SOMEONE?????

WOULD YOU???????

[the-anime-man]

What if Sig got to the Tome of Sealing first? AKA Tomo AU

hi again tumblr, please dont expect a whole lot from this blog, once again, but, i wanted to post like a little basic thing about this au i've had since 2021 now that i'm back into puyo again,

this is an au that Heavily relies on bits of fanon and headcanon to make it work cuz canon is puyo puyo is very fucking wishy washy but essentially, what if sig had checked out the tome of sealing from the library before klug was able to? (sorry if this is a bit scatterbrained, im not good at organizing my thoughts much,,)

(also please dont mind some of the art, im like an ok artist at best and some of this shit is from 2 years ago as well)

so like, as the absolute fucking nerd i am, i made like an initial google doc on this thing outlining most of the shit im about to summarize here (that i might link if someone asks at some point i guess idk) as well as a fanfic, didnt finish that though, i got like through barely a chapter before i stopped and then i got into sam and max but that's unrelated to now

ANYWAYS, the au is as it sounds, sig goes to precise museum and, guided by the voice of the crimson soul, finds the tome of sealing and checks it out (much to akuma's chargin,,) and then he checks out the book again,,, and again,,,, and a gain,,,, (you see where this is going)

but uh, why is it called tomo au? see im being a little shitter here and i thought maybe the crimson soul's memory would be a little shot after spending ages in a book so they might not remember their name and sig is like "you're my friend now so i'm gonna call you friend/tomodachi" but then he's like "that's too long i'm gonna call you tomo instead" so they just go along with it, for future reference, anytime i mention the crimson soul i'm gonna be calling it Tomo

wow that's really fucking big sorry,

sig has an immense attachment to tomo from the get go btw, he's like, i wanna say like 8 or so when he first gets to the book, so besides the obvious literal halvsies soul connection there's that childhood connection as well,

side note: they can speak to each other cuz of that soul connection btw, it's my personal headcanon that after slug (canon strange klug/the crimson soul) can speak to anybody who they've possessed before as well as their other half, so in canon klug and sig can hear the book talk but in this au only sig can hear them

also, the reason why tomo doesn't attempt to take over sig right from the outset is A) they dunno where the unsealing objects are and B) sig is a child and uh, another part that i'm still trying to work the kinks through of is whether tomo decides to hold off on doing the fusion dance of their own volition or if because the cyan soul (which can speak to tomo, but only when sig is asleep cuz when sig is awake the cyan soul IS sig, nother headcanon sorry) decides it's too soon, they probably have memories of previous incarnations stored in there and know that eventually sig will start showing more demonic traits but not when he's baby

wow this is getting to be a lot but we're not even done cuz now i gotta talk about what this means about shit like fever 2 and such (y'know canon things and all)

boy tumblr just hates making images smaller nowadays huh,

so when sig starts showing signs of his heritage (i.e., a bit before fever 2 happens) tomo and sig start to hatch a plan to get tomo a body back! of course, tomo is omitting some things about how they're actually going to go into sig's body cuz at this point they've been together for a few years now and sig trusts tomo as like, a best friend i guess? something like that,

so sig is under the impression tomo is gonna be released and get their old body back and tomo is under the impression that as soon as the seal releases they'll enter sig's body, join back up with the cyan soul, and return to their original form,

so sig transfers over to amitie and klug's class, (tomo) overhears that lemres is coming into town with the items they need, and they steal the shit and head to the ruins to perform the unsealing

SPOILERS! shit goes wrong

ignore how shitty the ms paint art from a couple of years ago is, might change the hair to be more red in future art

for reasons (that i also need to workshop because to be honest originally it was a "whoever unseals it gets their soul swapped with whoever is trapped in the book" but like??? idk if that's how it should work when it comes to these two specifically), sig and tomo swap places instead of a fusion happening,

sucks balls for both of them cuz this is like the Last thing either of them wanted out of this tbh, sig obviously because well, trust got broken and ended up trapped til the artifacts are stolen (klug either swaps roles with amitie or sig, haven't figured that one out yet either) and tomo most certainly doesn't want sig trapped, as they wouldn't want anyone to experience the loneliness of being sealed away like they were (except klug, fuck klug specifically) (also the chronicles drama cd mentions that part of tomo's character in it so it works for my purposes)

this image wasn't necessarily specific to tomo au but i thought it would fit anyways, sorry it's a bit blurry my phone wouldnt focus on the damn thing properly

and after fever 2,,, i kind of dont have as clear of a story? or a plan? there's some tension between sig and tomo for at least a little while but sig eventually forgives them, as well i don't know how i would tackle something like sig's secret if at all?? but yeah that's the main shit to this au, sorry it's all so very long! this has been on my mind for a few weeks now and it was on my mind for months back in 2021, so i just have a lot i'm throwing out here into the wind, if you got this far: thanks so much for reading!

here's some bonus shit for getting to the end of the main shit:

tomo calls sig "little blue" sometimes, since he's yknow, younger than them and blue but calls the cyan soul their "other half"

if you couldn't tell from the first image, since sig has his bookbag, he carries tomo around in that, but if he's stopped somewhere he'll leave the book open next to him so tomo can see around (hard to see with the covers in the way)

sig was already probably ostricized for yknow, his autistic tendencies, the book did not help with that, but it gave him a trusted confidant :)

sig actually starts developing his demonic traits earlier than in canon due to his proximity to tomo, but not by much

klug has stolen the book before, both demon halves were not pleased with this and klug has not attempted to steal the book again

sig can supplement his own magic power with tomo's for an incredibly large boost, and tomo doesn't mind doing so, this gives sig almost the exact same amount of power as the full demon used to have and also changes his right eye to red

OH, both relevant to this au and my own interpretation: the full demon's name was wisteria, but neither sig nor tomo remember it until either are reminded of that

ok that's it go home now bye bye

[forsakenmissives]

I know nothing about football but I'd still like to hear about the au :3

see bc i complain and then i don't even know where to start LOL

ok so ig i'll start with the title From the Sidelines and a little description i have, to pique interest heh

Arthur is Camelot FC's star striker and captain. Merlin is the kitman. Life is hardly ever fair.

anyway . i suppose that's. a little misleading. that being said i think this grew into something waaaaay larger than i originally planned @.@ like it was supposed to be a fun little addition to the surprisingly small amt of footballer arthur fics we have but now this fic has double daddy issues (balinor my beloved...), coming out, sports injuries, shitty coaches (aredick die by my sword) and never making the national team. HUH??? i just wanted merthur to fuck on the pitch... (joke) (just in time for fuck him on the field friday)

also there's side stories. like one is when the players get handcuffed tgt for 24hrs but they've got an uneven amt for it and merlin gets roped in

and then there's the valentine's day arwen special that i somehow accidentally made into a statement about arthur's attitude toward his sexuality?? and feelings for merlin??? through his anxiety about his date with gwen????

“All good?” Merlin asks. “Never better,” Arthur replies, then pivots and walks directly into his closet. He stares at his barren shoe rack before he feels hands on his shoulders, and Merlin is turning him around and guiding him back out. “Wrong way,” he hears him say. “Right.” This time, Arthur marches out his room then down the hall to the front door. “I’ll be back.”

i'm allowed to give this info bc i don't know if i'll ever actually post the extras. i dont' even know when i'm gonna finish the main story sjkdfhgjkf

oh yeah another side story takes place in 2007 (that might be the title for it idk) and it's about uther buying camelot fc for arthur's tenth birthday LOL dont question the legaltiy of arthur playing for his father's club. i dont know and i dont care. this is fiction SIMILARLY dont say shit abt arthur being a striker and captain. it's happened before. it's literally fine. dont even worry about it

there's like. ik i rly only talked about the side stories but u have to realize just how much has already gone into this fic and i wouldn't even say i'm halfway done. i don't think i've written out a single match which is also funny bc i've been keeping up with the prem and actually think i can do it now. i just keep dragging my feet abt it lol

i think the hardest part for me is when im gonna have to seriously injure arthur. i didnt want to but i think it's an important way for his and merlin's relationship to progress and also would explain merlin's attitude toward him in january. its less abt injuring him and more abt him having to sit out of games not for like. lineup stats/compatibility reasons

oh my god typing this all out made me realize we haven't met like. half of the guys on the team yet. i was sitting here like "i need to rewatch eps with all the knights bc i dont trust myself to write percy and elyan accurately" but now i just realized i dont even know if mordred is on the like. squad yet or if he's still with the u18s (after a brief check with my info page he is. i'm gonna be sick)

like i said there is a LOT of info on this . sorry this was so long i just needed to ramble a bit and it also made me realize some info i still need to include so yayyy :3 thank you nonny if u have anything u wanna know in specific like fr anything PLEASE ask. i'd love it so much if u asked. u saved my life <3

[dullahandyke]

cant be bothered to make mulitple posts. have one post with many contents, it is like a treasure chest. also whoops got long teehee take a readmore

BOOBS. boobs. tits and boobs. soft and eueueuugughghghgh fun to squish and heavy and smell nice. society if i had someone to fool around with. kissing doesnt sound that appealing but if i played w someones boobs it would fix me i think. sorry. not sorry actually #liveyourtruth. whaever im 19 i can post abt whatever i want n what i wanna post abt is boobs

not to hammer home an old thought but god i wish i lived in a town or a village or a city... theres literally fuck all to do here unless i wanna bug my parents for a ride into town so instead i just sit inside n its kind of detrimental to my social life n indepence. like on the plus side, i might have considered taking up vaping in a calculated 'swapping one vice for another' way if living in the middle of a field didnt make getting my hands on any on a regular basis so utterly implausible, so like its good detterant in that way, but also like man do you know how psyched i would be to be able to walk to the cinema. walk to any store where i could buy things. u know how long google maps says it would take to walk to my local library? two hours. cant even go anywhere to hang out on a whim or without enough reason to justify bothering my parents abt it. like all going well ill hopefully be in the city for college come september but like. killing and bitingggggg

graduating in a week and AUGH on one hand out the gap waheyyy only a month until exams are DONE FOREVER (until college) but on the other hand, fuck man im never gonna see this school again, i barely hang out w my friends outside of school unless its someones 18th which in practice means that after the debs thats IT!!!!!oh my god im going to DIE, i need to go find cliodna on instagram so i can follow her because shes nice. ill be sitting in random classrooms in school lately n be hit w the fucking melancholy because im like oh boy soon i'll never see this place again and its like... intellectually i know that i am not one to dwell on shit like this after its happened, as evidenced by the 'oh god my friends are all going off to college, itll only be me and the kiddies in the youth theatre next year' crisis i had last spring, after which i was Fine Actually and rarely even thought of the ppl who left bcos i have the object permanence of a 2 month old, and in practice this summer is gonna be the same as every summer is and i didnt see a single one of my irls during summer last year and i was fine but like.... idk man knowing its the end.... kills

speaking of which, oh my GOD the leaving starts in *checks watch* 22 DAYS. FUCK. like the points i need for my course are actually pitiful like but 🥺 wanna do good... do i regularly and loudly disparage the english course and maintain that the only real measure of one's writing capabilities is your own evaluation? yes! do i still want a H1? also yes! it would be the easiest thing in the world if i was less opinionated but luckily i AM that opinionated. also god. biology the day before history.... death. ive not been paying attention to either class for literally the past few months, im gonna have to kick it into high gear when i graduate bcos lbr im gonna get my shit together enough to pay attention until im not in school anymore.

thinking about boobs again. would like to hold some. an irl's school shirt keeps shifting so i can see her boobs thru the button gaps and im heeueuugueugh

eating a mini viennese ice cream or whatever its called n its good 👍🏻 hard to type w tho

boobs again. hhhahwhauhghah!

my ass hurt. done.

[tillinghastcorporatemedia]

A lot of this as true but as a cis guy who's been assumed to be queer since before i knew i was queer and has long hair, which normally wouldnt even be something i'd bring up, but this is something ive experienced due to being really short and having long hair but i wanna refer to number 3

3. That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men.

Idk if you've had to be around these fucks but let me tell you, men like this act like im not a man. every day i wear a mask i get called maam even when ive got a beard spilling out of the edges of my mask. (got called mamacita at a taco truck the other day while having to pick up a dashing order. thats new) But growing up, i was the punching bag. Didnt matter if i was agreeing with everything they said, did, or even hyped them up. I was the punching bag. Ive had my hair lit on fire while driving, beat up multiple times, bullied until i started fighting back. you could say it was just shitty high school guys but then we get into adulthood. When you become older but still dont even clear the national average men dont look at you the same. im still a target to these people just because of my look, and not even the hair. I got assaulted, by a straight man, while i was checking the oil in my car. My hair wasnt down, wasnt wearing feminine clothing, doing autowork checks. And guess what when i freaked out because some random guy came up behind me and started grabbing at my chest he backed up and then freaked out i was a guy and was threatening to beat me up because i was "tricking him" call me a coward i just ran off. You can call out your friends sure, and sometimes it might work in a social group setting. but i guarantee you youll just stop getting invited instead of behavior being corrected. this is said already but the men these men listen to arent gonna do this, and you might be able to change some minds with words. But as someone who pays attention to shit, words dont do shit. actions do though. if you wanna fix this problem its not gonna be the tiny little gay guy these men wanna beat the shit out of that they are gonna listen to.

at some point something else but words is gonna have to be done and as a man i wish i could figure something out but because of both my sexuality and my unchangeable features of my body im basically excluded by most any "masculine" guys.

I dont have an answer, i wish i did but i dont

But i will say its gonna take actions, not just words, for these sacks of patriarchal dung to take themselves to the trash can or clean themselves up.

If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.

"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.

Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.

Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.

You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."

Problem with that being:

1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.

2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.

3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.

4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.

I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.

[deutoplasmic]

KITSUNE REN IS PERFECT,,, just a mischievous lil guy,,, all of them will be like crows with you because they would just give you shiny things because you take care of them like “oh what a lovely ring thank you syoya! where’d you get it” and you turn around and hes gone (dont worry he didnt steal it he just picked it up off the floor)

LMAO i mean if you ever wanna learn some filipino phrases i gotchu,,, and i relate omg i cant even handle mandarin’s 5 tones sometimes HDNDJD

yea i mean most governments are like that ;; you ask most americans about my country and they dont even realize most of the terrible stuff the US has done to us,,, and yea rigging is. par for the survival show course but in chinese shows people are even better sleuths and can work out exactly who was rigged in and out,,, its almost funny now bc in 创造营2021 specifically, one of my picks was rigged in and the other was rigged out 😭

REAL as a SEA artist one of the biggest tips thats been given to me is to charge foreign clients by USD because if clients find out youre from SEA theyll often try to lowball ;;

WHDNDJDJ SCARY CAT PRIVILEGE,,, as opposed to yudai who needs scary dog/cat privilege LMAODKJDJD i love the spectrum of boyfailures

YEA HE GOT REALLY SCARED HE WAS LIKE SNIFFLING AND WHIMPERING AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO SMOL,,, but yea i get you the reality checks when you see young kids debut now is,,, crazy

PLSSS IM NOT THAT GOOD OF AN ARTIST 😭 everyone around me is so cool and im just here. stuck detangling a yarnball like a cat because i hate getting to knots when im crocheting LMAODKDK

also you dont have to apologize for yapping 🫡 i love listening to yapping so this is fun for me

OK WAIT THATS SO CUTE. considering blacksmith sukai who makes the jewellery himself ..... like ............ he silently hands you his laundry for the day and a gorgeous bracelet before slightly smiling at you and leaving for the day..... and glassblower ruki feels so right to me.... he makes glass koi fish flecked with gold for you........... AND CARICATURE ARTIST SHION ..........

omg i would love to learn some filipino phrases. arent there like at least 100 languages in the philippines?? also YEAH. REAL. its ok we take it :pensive:

ok i might be horribly uninformed but the most i remember is the philippines has some serious history with being colonised by spain and the us, so it lost like.... so much of its culture. and i think the us kept using it as a warzone during the two world wars?? idk. unfortunately not very versed in the history of my neighbours.... BUT ok thats hilarious how do you even figure that out. never crossing a chinese netizen they probably can find my address or smth LOL.... idk who was rigged in or out but it was such a surprise to see rikimaru, born 1993, actually make it to debut. crazy stuff

that is honestly very sad... being an often occurrence is absolutely diabolical. glad you guys are advocates for proper pay bc YIKES......

oh he absolutely DOES. same genre different needs :rofl: on the topic of who has the scary vibes i think kyosuke qualifies. idk he's like 170cm but i'm very intimidated i think he would chew me up if i were to brawl it out with him. didn't he get like 48 smth kilos on the grip strength test???? it's OVER

he signed up to sing, dance, and look good NOT to get scared by creepy horrors straight from under his bed!!!!!!!!!! who even is this poor guy.... im obligated to support him after this tragedy............ but. yeah. i think it was unis who has the one eldest member in 2001 and the rest are from 2007-2012......... the worst part was that they were from a survival show so people actively VOTED for these kids

nope i'm taking a page out of takeru's book and will only believe it if i see it!!!!!!!! but truly the horrors of untangling.... i try not to buy hanks just bc i dont have a skein winder thingy....... you guys are probably all so cooll!!!!!!!!!!!! god speaking of crocheting i hate when i realise i bungled smth like 10 rows ago like. LIKE. such a bad experience 0/10

you and me both :handshake: but i generally take the listener not the yapper role so this is a bit of a change :sweatdrop:

[ji-lixie]

also im throwing this here bc i have a dream tag for a reason

(copied from my dms to a friend)

ok so basically. i dont remember if it was televised or not (i THINK it might have been bc someone later mentions cutting something out if absolutely necessary but i never saw cameras anywhere or anything so???). i was on some sort of like… not survivor exactly lmao but a competition thing that was probably some sort of reality show too?

and idk there was this guy that i had the biggest crush on in high school (also unfortunately not the first time ive dreamed abt him like this ughh) who was on my team a lot and he'd continuously be flirty w me? holding my hand and saying stuff, teasing me, etc. like i think it was going on before the dream n whatnot bc i felt like it'd been happening for a while if tht makes sense since i only came in on like. Not The First Episode lmao

and idk we're all teamed up for something, waiting on ppl to pass word around or w/e, and he's literally sitting there with an arm around me, playing with my fingers when a woman on another team calls out something to him about how '(name) doesn't like you now, but give her a week lol, i'm sure she'll change her mind" (whoever it was was like. on another team entirely, im not subbing out my gov name haha id just say daisy) and i remember being like… SO thrown like um. what. why is she saying that. and the guy kinda laughs it off or w/e and says its just a joke but idk i think it bothered me a lot bc of what happens next

where we're like. in a car. taking turns getting out every so often to check around the city for more details for the quest we're supposed to be fulfilling? so that we can ykno pass it. and at one point its just the two of us in the car and im like 'you kno what, im done. i used to have the biggest crush on you in high school, but i never said or did anything because i was scared of getting hurt, and i know you never liked me back anyway so it didnt matter--but im tired of hiding it' and idk what he said back but it ended w him being kinda mad and him getting out of the car since our other teammate came back and hes like 'its ur turn' or w/e (clearly upset) so i go off to do w/e

and idk i barely remember the rest of it from there. i found the clues that we needed, we come back together, my team splits bc not all of us have to participate in the challenge (it was some sort of dance thing lol so i was automatically taken out like 'we've seen u' and i was like 'fair'). and idk i started feeling guilty bc i just kinda assumed his feelings on the situation + didn't rly let him talk. i don't remember if we got to talk before or after a small bit of someone pulling us aside like 'ok we CAN edit that whole confession situation out because it's messy but also please let us keep it in because it's messy'

[abcdosaka]

i have not posted on here in a while. idk various things have happened. but heres the most recent stuff.

this is sorta fresh (literally 2 days ago) but im mostly over it i think? i made a hinge account and briefly talked to this girl and i liked talking to her but i think i just dont know how to rizz someone up, or maybe ik and i dont have the courage to do it so i gotta play nice girl from the start. and i think our second phone call i was just kinda lacking in energy and i wasn’t texting her too often either. but at the end of it she was like lets just be friends going forward.

i havent really had any experiences before, like real ones where i was the one initiating everything, so it hurt, kinda like getting rejected for a job interview. i was like ig im just not outgoing or funny or charming enough but damn we talked like twice on the phone, we never even met up, that quick huh.

tbh i think i initiated slightly more and she was less interested and she also made it pretty clear she wasnt sure about getting into a relationship. idk its not worth analyzing. we do have a lot of similar tastes but if she wants to be friends she has to initiate and i might blow her off anyway i dont feel like talking to her anymore lol. or maybe ill respond but just really slowly. ik its giving nice guy/friendzoned. ehhh i might respond she was nice/friendly enough i just need time to get over it fully. i think this is a lets see how im feeling in a week situation. to be fair sometimes good friendships pop up out of bad experiences for me like i thought D was a huge dick when i first met him but we got along well for the time we knew each other

idk i would rather have someone who knows what they want and is certain about it too. but in the first place i dont even want to talk to ppl like its such a hassle texting randoms multiple days in a row. i got a couple other likes and i just ignored them. ive ghosted two ppl bc i just was sick of the texting going nowhere.

tbh i think im just sad bc my ego’s a little bruised. but idk that happens to me easily like applying for a job sucks and it hurts to get rejected and having a job kinda sucks too but its required. relationships, kinda the same but i dont think its required? they never seemed that great or fun or loving to me, prob bc my parents hated each other for 90% of my childhood. even when i see relationships in fiction im like oh cute but idk if i really need that.

im more upset that i dont really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. and im upset s didnt wanna meet over reading week. like besties for 10 years but you couldnt free up a space for me even tho i asked like 3 weeks ago. idk if i can even call us besties. i used to be so insecure abt what kinda friendship we had but now im kinda sick of this. maybe i should ask. i kinda hate feeling needy or sounding clingy though. idk i was pretty friendly in my response

she didnt even receive it T_T

idk she hasnt responded to any messages frequently for the past month so shes probably really busy but ugh i fucking hate this. i just wish she’d check in for once like “hey sorry ive just been really busy the past month and havent had the energy or time to respond but hopefully ill have some time soon”. cuz the thing is its kinda typical of her to flake/be distant/antisocial. like after we graduated hs she ignored my messages for a month and she promised not to do that again. and when we hung out for the last time before i moved for uni she overslept and i think shes done that two or three times since. its really frustrating when we dont get to see each other than often. so if i ask her its gonna be like this is an isolated incident but its not and im prob not gonna see her again after i graduate uni bc i wanna move across the country. and we almost never call bc everytime i ask she doesnt want to. i think thats just her hating calling but how tf else are we supposed to stay in contact when we live in different cities??? and texting for hours on end is fking annoying? same difference ik a bit hypocritical there but also, calling means u can multitask but texting means u have to focus solely on texting unless you wanna respond every 2 hours or even worse, every 5 minutes, theres no flow unless you pay full attention to texting.

and the thing that sucks even harder. is that we had a mutual friend, j, who was her BESTIE for middle school and almost all of highschool. (i had a crush on this chick btw but never told her and i kinda stopped talking to her in senior year). and j did the same fucking thing like she decided she didnt wanna talk to people she knew before highschool anymore and basically just slowly cut s out of her life. and s was so upset abt it she told me abt it a lot

see the thing is if i do confront her about ALL of this, i  think its gonna go the worst way possible. like we will slowly drift apart and im gonna lose my closest friend who probably doesnt even consider me at least one of her closest friends. and then im fucked. i mean im not fucked but im starting from ground zero.its really hard not having someone you know you can rely on. altho maybe shes not the most reliable and ive been coping by pretending im independent and dont need anyone for emotional shit. maybe im just catastrophizing. like on one hand, i truly am unsure enough abt our friendship that idk if she’d make an effort after i move real far. but on the other hand i am a known pessimist and i suck at this people bullshit. so idk if i should ask or not.

ugh i shouldnt have wrote this. i was like “if i go in depth on this post i wont be able to stop and then im gonna cry and i dont wanna cry. i should try to keep it light.” like lol. at least it was good practice for typeracer. im gonna do one race and go to sleep. this is frustrating

[aewrie]

distractions aren't working so

(yelling into the void to get this out of my system but seriously tread carefully if you're sensitive to topics of abuse/ c/sa /mental health crap)

i'd be looking for a therapist but am not exactly in the headspace to do so. my old one was overall great and i'd be contacting her but she was basically useless when it came to this topic. think she was more confused and conflicted at the idea of a child being the abuser than me. which. that's not gonna help. and by the time i'd trust myself to see through that ordeal idk. i could probably use it anyway but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

could use it right now. i've been crying on and off for like 3-4 hours, while teetering on the edge of another breakdown

took me what, 10?? years before i felt ok using the word trauma in reference to being bullied for years. even after i kinda knew how fucked it all was. only after a health professional was like 'yeah, that's trauma you've got going on' after hearing the tl;dr of my life i felt i was allowed to. (she then proceeded to recommend therapy lmao). bc it wasn't so bad. boy i'm good at rationalizing all that away. other people always have it worse! and it's not like there was obvious violence, so obviously it doesn't count.

same fucking thing when i got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. i was passively suicidal & heading into worse direction and i was only willing to admit that i was sad & anxious. probably. surely not anything that would warrant treatment.

and now this thing i've filed away under 'miscellaneous shit that was not ideal probably, but surely it wasn't' That Bad, other people have it Worse':

yesterday i checked out this vr interview stream dealing with abuse right before i had to go sleep (the best idea ever. clearly) and at the point i started watching the discussion made basically no sense so i figure i go to the start and watch from there. and the interviewee describes the abuse, and i'm fine until a particular detail comes up and then it kinda unraveled from there. i had to pause just to get a breather. i watched maybe a few minutes more idk.

i've looked into child psychology and sexual development before bc ever since i bumped into the term child-on-child sa i've been stuck with the whole 'but does it count if x y z' (mostly: can someone so young even be an abuser, bc obviously if he didnt' intentionally & maliciously do it, i am not allowed to feel upset), even earlier that same damn day! but nothing unequivocally said yes or no. so of course i'm going with the safe answer of no, i'm not allowed to call it abuse.

but after that Moment i looked at some more stuff and found a couple of videos, one from a therapist knowledgeable on the topic, and one first-hand account, read some comments to boot, and then i'm having the sort of crying episode that leaves me feeling physically sick for a full day at least

at work today I was distracted the second i was not properly busy, then i managed to keep it together for a bit when i got home and now here we are. fuck i'm glad i'll have multiple days off now. on the long run this is good to process. but def not feeling it right now lol. at least i'm not stuck in a corner of fandom where loaded buzzwords get thrown around like they mean nothing, i knew that fucked with my head even back during the vl/d heyday and i was just getting around to the 'ok that Happened and maybe it was messed up, but Not abuse' stage of denial

good news i might be done crying rn so i guess that helped

i guess this was gonna be happening sooner or later bc i've been somewhat actively thinking about all that for months but rip it came out of nowhere

(and gonna throw it in here just in case; i'd rather not have 'i'm sorry' messages or similar, 9 times out of 10 i just feel awkward as shit. more neutral (not sure what's the best word?) is fine)

[ozzyquest]

alright i decided to do some simple refs for my spamtons (excluding sneo i apologize..... maybe one day)

ive never really done references for how i draw characters i like but spamton is the first character in i think years that ive drawn to this extent and i saw other people making these and thought it might be fun

idk im gonna put some extra stuff under cut that i didnt know how to put it in the actual sheets (there ended up being more info than i thought im so sorry)

as a general headcanon i do see addisons as bird-like creatures (though in like. a computer-generated way. if that makes sense LOL)

spamton is a ‘mutant’ addison—specifically in his case his white coloration comes from technically being all colors combined and is unstable in his programming, affecting him both physically and emotionally. he is also shorter than the average addison. short white guy disorder.

while easier for him to control before going. literally insane. spamtons speech patterns of regurgitated spam text come from extreme anxiety and stress. in my head i guess a “post-canon” version of him would talk a bit more coherently but after everything this would become ingrained in his normal speech

no i dont have a solid headcanon on how spamton went from an addison to a literal puppet youll have to get back to me on that. anyway he had little tail feathers

in his big shot era spamton did dye his hair black and had to keep up with it. however in his puppet form its always been black and, due to wear from over the years, hes lost some of his hair as if he were ‘naturally’ balding

his puppet form is plush aside from his head and.... maybe his legs. it is forever unclear if his puppet form is wearing pants or not.

i have more thoughts on him but theyre more personal and/or wouldnt fit well here i guess. also im tired. but for one last thing check this out