#some of them are a little nicked but alas nothing i can about it that's on the production side.

[butcher--bird]

well well look who came in the mail today :3c

[skjeinon]

captain doesn’t have to know - jeremy swayman

summary: you’re patrice bergerons little sister visiting him and his family during the holidays for christmas. one so you can go to the winter classic but also to see the family- the bergerons are hosting a small dinner for any of the team that wanted to show up on christmas eve. this is where you’re reunited for the time of the better with jeremy swayman..

warnings: smut 18+ , literally the longest one person fic i’ve ever written, jeremy swayman gets a little kinky in the end, porn with plot and lots of it, no proofread which is probably an awful idea, maybe wrong wag names sorry

The environment that patty and his wife steph create for you when you visit is nothing you’ll ever take for granted, especially this year during christmas. when you arrived and got up to the guest room, you saw steph had lit candles and given you new sheets and silk pajamas for the two weeks. she had given you soaps and salts for baths and the bathroom connected to the bedroom was nothing but beautiful with amenities for you to enjoy while in their humble abode. the flight to boston had been nothing but stressful but you gave it some praise due to the fact that it had been worse two days before christmas in the past.

you knew tomorrow was their little get together so you relished in the fact that it was calmer in the house, as you turned on the lamps in your room and put on the silk pajamas that had been laid out for you. you unpacked and knew you could smell something being cooked downstairs as you saw coming in, when patrice had gone to pick you up, that steph was cooking dinner but also preparing for tomorrow night as well. you enjoyed it, knowing you’d get a nice home cooked meal. college has been kicking your ass, so home cooked meals are far and few between.

making your way downstairs, the kids were giggling as they played with toys, sitting on the floor with patrice. you walked past them, smiling at the fact that they were filled with blissful ignorance, knowing only that christmas was two days away and that tomorrow, they’d probably be brought gifts by the team to add to their collection of gifts under the tree.

seeing stephanie behind the counter, you made your way to sit on one of the stools, starting small talk with her before she asked “where are y’all’s parents for the holidays?” knowing you probably wouldn’t be in boston if it hadn’t been for some other reason.

“did patrice not tell you?” you questioned.

“he did, but i will be frank, i just don’t remember” she shrugged as she cut away at some vegetables going into a dish.

“ah, well they’re going to south america for a few days, they’re coming back up north to boston for the winter classic though” you said as you watched her hands move expertly. in the few seconds of silence, she got an idea and smiled “would you like to try some of this soup? it’s for tomorrow night but i need a good judge.” you smiled and nodded and she gave you a bowl, which sparked thoughts in your noggin.

“so who’s coming tomorrow? to the party” you said as you took a spoonful into your mouth, as you swallowed you gave her compliments on it and smiled. she smiled at your compliments before thinking on the question.

“oh well, brad, his wife and kids, mcavoy, jeremy and jake, taylor and linus and linus’ wife, nick and his kids and probably a few other kids or girlfriends or even players. i cook to feed an army so that everyone is well fed.” she shrugged, she began to clean up, wiping down the counters before pulling some plates out. it was time for dinner and after dinner maybe you’d go and take a bath after. but alas, right now you were about to chow down. “dinner time!!” steph shouted, the kids and patty walked into the kitchen ready to eat.

—

that night you found yourself in the bathroom, in the tub taking a warm bath while you looked through instagram, taking every name you remembered and searching them on instagram. it wasn’t as if you forgot names or faces but in reality you hadn’t been around the team enough in the last few years to remember them all perfectly, especially the older guys. you knew you liked jeremy, i mean you were following him on instagram and he followed you but honestly, even then you didn’t know him super well. you thought he was cute but you thought charlie was also cute.. even david- besides the point. you continued your adventure before you shaved and washed yourself down. you found yourself back in the silk pajamas and soon enough in bed. you had another long day ahead of you so you knew sleeping early would strongly be to your benefit.

the moment you laid down, you honestly knocked out, sleeping well into the morning, showing further how tired you were when you woke up to knocking on your door before the kids ran in to wake you up. “auntie!!” they chanted before attacking you in bed, shaking you before you sat up. smiling, you held them and shook them around before patrice came and got them. “cmon kids, aunt y/n needs her beauty sleep.” he smiled as they ran to him, gently closing your door before you got out of bed.

“i guess that was a good wake up call..” you mumbled as you looked at the clock, seeing as it said 9:56 am. you realized you slept in so late and almost cringed a little before you went and brushed your hair, teeth and washed your face. instead of remaining in your pajamas, you simply changed into some simple clothes for the day and made your way downstairs.

“morning sunshine” stephanie said as you walked into the kitchen, she was cleaning up from breakfast but pulled the plate with your food on it from the microwave. she sat it down as you sat down and offered you some coffee before she went back to doing what she was doing. her and patrice had been cleaning the house and cooking some more already, as they wanted to take the kids ice skating before the party tonight. to not only fire them out a little but to give them a nice skating experience on a nice day like christmas eve.

as you finished eating, everything for the day was set in motion and everyone finished getting ready to leave the house. you joined them in ice skating and the outing was a success. you all had fun but coming back home, you knew you’d probably be sore the next day. to relieve this, you took a warm shower before everyone planned to arrive, doing your makeup and hair as well. you picked out a dress to wear that night way before you had even packed to come to boston. it was a deep red, crushed velvet dress that held your hips while puffed out at the sleeves. you had white tights and black boots with it , and it was almost santa-ish when you looked in the mirror. looking at yourself, you felt cute and hoped to gain something from it. whether it was compliments from wives or the kids saying “you’re so pretty!” you hoped to gain something.

you walked down the stairs and saw the tree lit up with all the other gorgeous lights and christmas decorations lit up. you smiled and walked through the living room to see the dining room and eating area near the kitchen set with gorgeous dining areas and beautiful centerpieces. you walked into the kitchen, it being empty as steph was with the kids helping them get ready. patty walked in and was wearing a nice button up. “you look nice” you smiled to him and he nodded. “same to you. i hope you feel good about tonight. i know it may be weird for you to spend christmas eve with the boys and not mom and dad.” he said leaning into one of the chairs at the bar top. you shrugged.

“it’s fine. i think i’ll enjoy myself.” you smiled, before hearing the sound of a knock at the door. you hustled to the door with patrice following behind you. you answered the door with a smile, it was brad, sloane and the kids. he smiled seeing you- “Y/N Bergeron, who dragged you into town!”he smiled before offering you a hug as him and his family walked in. the rest of the night when letting people in, it was all very similar except for when jeremy saw you…

he was one of the last ones to show up, fashionably late with flowers for stephanie and some baked goods for desert. you were on door opening duty while stephanie and patrice hosted. opening the door, you saw his tall thin stature walk up to the door. “hi!” you smiled and he stared at you for a moment, silent before he realized he needed to speak. “h-hello! i didn’t realize you were coming into town-” he laughed, his cheeks turning pink. “it’s good to see you.” he smiled walking in. you closed the door behind him, offering to take the flowers from him. “it’s good to see you too..” you smiled up at him, but he simply was staring. you thought that maybe he was a little dumb but seeing him this shocked at your presence made your cheeks burn.

you walked with him into the area everyone else had made themselves home at. a few guys waved to him and charlie stared at you for a moment before staring back at him as you walked through the living room to the kitchen. charlie gave jeremy a thumbs up- against my own knowledge. standing in the kitchen, you showed steph the flowers that jeremy had brought her and ordered him to sit down the dish he brought with him. the rest of the girls who stood with steph talking complimented the flowers which just made jeremy’s cheeks burn brighter before he dismissed himself.

“hey y/n?” sloane said as you cut the ends of the flowers off to put them in a vase.

“yes?” you turned your head, looking at her as you placed the flowers into the vase. she noticed the way jeremy stared at you and was curious.

“do you and jeremy talk outside of when you come to boston?” she asked , you were a little confused but complied. “uh, no not really. sometimes we chat, like he’ll respond to a story i’ve posted. we’ve had a few long conversations before though” you shrugged and went back to looking at the flowers.

“hm, do y’all talk a lot when you come to town?” she said , thinking ab other events that you had attended with him present.

“yeah i’d say so. he’s probably the easiest to talk to. we’re pretty close in age and he’s super sweet.” you smiled to her, trying to figure out what she was getting at. you knew that the moment you finished in here, you’d go into the living room and sit next to him and you both would pick up a conversation like you didn’t have lapses in speaking.

“hm- okay!” she nodded her head and continued on before you interrupted her. “wait- why do you ask?”

“jeremy was red in the face the moment you walked him in here.. i just think he likes you.” sloane spoke with the utmost confidence while steph and janelle agreed. a small smile came to your face, because you knew you had fond thoughts of him but just never chose to say or do anything about it because it never seemed right. i mean he’s the goalie for your older brothers team. it’s not like jeremy is older than patty or anything but it just seems wrong. the whole team will be on his ass if he breaks your heart. that’s caps sister.

your heart ached a little before you walked back into the living room, seeing the empty seat next to him where you felt as if you had seen someone sitting in before but you ignored it as you came and sat next to him.

“so- how have you been?” he said, looking down at you with a smile. you turned to face him, his eyes shining with the christmas lights that decorated the room. “i’ve been good.. how about you?” you said, nudging him slightly. “it’s been good. being apart of a professional sports team isn’t the least physically demanding job yknow, but i get by.” he smiled, leaning back against the couch. you did the same, getting comfortable. “you started your senior year this year right?” he asked, watching as you turned to look at him.

“yeah it did, it’s going pretty good. senioritis hasn’t really hit me yet, i’m hoping it doesn’t. the faster i can get to boston to stay, the faster i’ll be glad college is nearing its end.” you spoke, your body a little closer to his as you turned to speak to him easier, your hands at your thighs, playing with the hem of your dress.

“oh- you’re coming to boston after college??” he said, trying to hide his excitement. “how come?”

“i was offered a job with the boston celtics once i graduate” you looked down, staring at your hands, hiding the joy on your face.

“seriously?? that’s awesome, y/n!!” he say up, placing his hand on your arm, almost overjoyed at the idea of you getting a successful job with someone so soon.

“i know right!!” you giggled, looking up at him. he had a beaming smile on his face and you were just a little stunned at how … cute.. he was. your cheeks were warm as you looked away, and before you knew it, dinner was called. the growing tension was broken as he pulled his hand away from your arm to stand up, but when he stood up, he noticed your heels and offered you his hand. “mlady..” he smiled as you took his hand, he kissed it gingerly, watching you stand up from your seat.

“why thank you, kind sir..” you smiled back, squeezing his hand before letting go, him following behind you as you went to get food. Filling your plates, everyone scattered to the different seating areas, you finding yourself in the dining room, one of the first to sit down. after a few minutes, jeremy walked into the dining room. “do you mind if i sit with you?” he asked, pointing to the seat next to you. you shook your head, he came by and joined in by sitting with you at the table. others came and sat down around the two of you, but a small bubble formed around the two of you as you both talked and giggled over stupid stuff that no one at the table would get like the two of you.

when you finished your food, you got out of your seat after speaking to him saying “are you done? i can take your plate..”. this resulted in him also getting up, he followed you to the kitchen and the two of you were standing alone in the kitchen while you cleaned off your plate and his. most people had migrated back to the living room if they weren’t still chatting at the table. everyone who had finished, respectfully had cleaned off their plates and you praised them silently for it.

jeremy walked around, picking from the ham left out. you turned around and snapped at him. “hey! knock it off” a laugh fell from your lips, grabbing a towel to dry off your hands.

“i’m sorry!” he stuffed a piece into his mouthc watching you throw away the paper towel. you walked over to him and stood against the countertop after having grabbed a small piece for yourself. he turned to watch you, placing his hand on one side of you to lean against the counter rather than standing on all his weight.

“you’re here for the winter classic right?” he said, staring down into your eyes, he was good at eye contact in conversations. you nodded, swallowing before giving an answer.

“i have to go home like the day after, but i definitely am.. why do you ask?”

“oh well.. uh i was wondering if you wanted to go out and get breakfast or lunch or coffee or something one day.. while you’re still here. you should even come to the game on saturday or something.. i won’t be here tuesday or wednesday..” he almost kicked himself when he said the last bit. of course you knew he wouldn’t be here, his captain is your brother.

“are you asking me out, jeremy?” you tilted your head over against your shoulder, giving him a devious little smile.

“yeah.. i think i am.” he said leaning in a little closer, arrogance washing over him a little. confidence came easy when girls gave into his flirtatious acts. “i should’ve done it a long time ago.” he said as he leaned closer to you. your cheeks burned a dark red as he got closer. you took a moment in your head to acknowledge what he was wearing.

it was a dark brown flannel, jeans and some boots that matched the rest of the outfit. his sleeves were rolled around his wrist and his hands that you thought were usually bare, had a nice little bracelet around his wrist. everything about him just screamed he was more than an athlete. he seemed so genuine and soft with what he wore. you knew he was outdoorsy and you thought that was super cute about him. his face was gentle, and facial hair always fit how he looked. you’d thought in passing about how it would feel to kiss him, but right now as he inched closer, you thought about it now more than you ever had in your time knowing him.

“yeah?..” you spoke in almost a whisper, allowing him to come closer, as he placed his other hand down next to you.

“mhm” he hummed, coming in closer. “is it too soon to kiss you?” he said, a short laugh falling through his words. you shook your head and he placed his lips against yours, pulling himself in closer, with his legs on either side of you, a hand coming to hold the side of your face as your lips fit almost perfectly to his.

his were soft despite the constant chill he finds himself in. he couldn’t stop thinking ab the strawberry taste on your lipgloss. he would kiss you forever if it meant he’d taste it over and over again. slowly, he pulled away with a smirky little look on his face before he let go of your cheek and stood up straight. “we’ve spent too long not talking to each other enough..” the two of you let out a gentle laugh at his words.

“i’ve always been fond of you.” you shrugged as you stood up on your feet, stepping out from under him. before walking away, to join people in the living room, you have him a quick kiss on the cheek. “i can’t wait for you to take me on a date, jer.” you spoke in his ear before joining everyone else.

you sat with him for the rest of the night, but honestly couldn’t stop thinking about how you managed to pull him in a simple few hours. you had always wanted him and how you finally had him.. life is on your side.

you also just couldn’t get his lips off your mind… ugh.

—

christmas came and went.. it was a lovely day but honestly you couldn’t get your mind off of jeremy. that night after he went home, the two of you chatted almost the entire night until you forced yourself to sleep, knowing the kids would just wake you up in the morning. they did. but in that night where you talked to jeremy, you had decided where you would go and you decided thursday after they had come home, you’d go and get dinner together.

dinner was intimate, but maybe not as intimate as breakfast. patrice still doesn’t know but as long as jeremy can keep it a secret, you’ll be flying smooth. on the two nights they were gone, you helped steph a lot, hanging out with her and getting deep into conversation with her as well. you folded and told her about jeremy, but only so she could help keep it a secret.

“me and jeremy are going to dinner when they come home tomorrow ..” you hummed to her, thinking about it, but also just needing to see if she could cover for you. “i don’t want to tell patrice.. do you have any idea of how to cover it?”

“aww that’s so cute.. did he ask you out at dinner?” she said, sitting down, handing you a warm cup of tea, thinking about a resolution to your problem.

“yeah he did..” you smiled, looking down at your mug, trying not to blush at the basic idea of it.

“well, do you have any friends here? any that you just like don’t keep much contact with?” steph asked

you shook your head.

“what if you just pretended to be going on a date” she shrugged. you honestly thought that was probably the best idea and nodded your head.

“oh yeah, that’s definitely a good idea- especially cause i’ll probably be dressed up. you’re brilliant!” you smiled, leaning back into the couch, taking a sip of your tea. the kids had been laid to bed a bit ago, but you and steph stayed up watching the hockey game. you had watched the game the night before when jeremy had played, later that night you talked to him until he forced himself to sleep- he was bummed about the overtime loss against the senators. tonight linus was playing. you didn’t know linus that well, you wish you did though. he seems very sweet and you know that him and jeremy were very close.

that night you slept in peace knowing that they’d be home in short time tomorrow, their game only having been in new jersey. you spoke to him a little after the game but you were just tired and maybe a little over excited about the dinner date to come. waking up the next day, it was probably the most peaceful day so far because somehow steph got the kids out of the house with her to run errands before you even woke up. when you woke up it was late morning and you had 1. a goodmorning text from jer, 2. a text explaining why steph and the kids were gone and 3. a text from patrice saying what time they’d land and be home, but it was to a group chat with you and steph in it. you thought it was a little silly, but carried on.

over the day, you drank a nice cup of coffee while staring out the window, the day being not totally gloomy but a few grey clouds in the sky. you then ate something for breakfast before going to your room to take a long bath. in the almost hour and a half you spend in the bath you end up shaving your legs, doing a face mask and washing your face, preparing to wash your hair and simply just thinking about that guy you were gonna see tonight.

after washing your hair and body, you got out and did the rest of your routine, hoping this late morning was shifting quickly into a late afternoon which it was. Patrice, Steph and the kids have come home at this point, which helps you gauge where jeremy is in his day, though you knew anyways as between everything you’ve chatted with him. he got home almost an hour ago… two hours ago… oh god you’re just behind on everything you need to get done.

he was getting you at 5 and after stalling in the bath, while also stalling between coffee and breakfast and breakfast and picking clothes and picking clothes and a bath- time slipped away from you, so now you had to get hair and makeup done in the time between now and five..

you hustled and hustled until you were satisfied, seeing that text from him saying “i’m on my way now” made it all worth it, as you kicked your shoes out of your way to sit down on the bed for a moment, taking a deep breath. you flailed your hands around your face, fanning it before you leaned over pulling your shoes on, they were boots, leaving you a few inches taller than you were with them off. you grabbed your things and made your way downstairs.

steph and the kids were sitting in the living room watching a movie, patrice was in the kitchen making dinner.

“wow!!” steph exclaimed, prompting you to give a small twirl while the kids stared in awe before exclaiming how pretty you looked. patrice walked over, observing how you looked. “where ya goin, pip?”

“i have a date with someone i met on a dating app” you shrugged with a small smile. he nodded quickly and turned around to go back into the kitchen.

“does he have a jacket you can wear? it’s chilly outside..” he said, referring to your dress. it wasn’t short but alas it was a dress, you’d be chilly no matter what.

“yeah i’m sure he does..” you felt your phone buzz in your hand, you looked down to see his text light up your phone. “oh goodness, he’s here! okay! bye!! love y’all!!” you said as you slipped out the front door, hustling so that the chances of patrice seeing his vehicle were low.

he unlocked the car and the moment you got in, his infectious smile grew. “hey..” he said, leaning over his center console. you gently kissed him on his lips. “hi..” you smile in response to his own.

“how was the fight?” you asked as you pulled the seatbelt over your lap, staring at him as he pulled his car into drive, his eyes stuck on the road.

“ah it was good.. little bumpy but it’s a cloudy day, i can’t complain..” he shrugged, one hand on the wheel, while another leaned into the center console. his hand was sickeningly close to yours, you held your breath hoping he’d move closer. “how has it been since christmas? anything new you haven’t told me about?”

“ah no.. but i convinced patrice i was going on a date with some guy i met online, tonight..” a giggle left your lips, seeing the slight part of his lips from shock.

“you devious little fuck” he laughed. the two of you acted like two teenagers who were forbidden to see each other in some world where your two families or something were at odds. it was fun to act that way, even though you being with jeremy maybe wasn’t as big of a deal as you both made it out to be.

the drive was filled with small laughs and conversations, talking about some tv show you both had watched in passing and favorite movies and actors. his hand slowly sat atop of yours before you got to the restaurant, somewhere in downtown boston you honestly had never been to. when arriving, he opened your door for you, helping you out and continuing to hold your hand as the two of you walked to the entrance. he was nothing but a gentleman.. it really shocked you how calm he was about everything, especially because of how he acted when he first saw you on that saturday night.

though you thought he was calm, in his head his thoughts were racing. he controlled his big smile and blushing face while just thinking about you. your dress was flattering and he tried his best to keep innocent eyes on you. he wanted everything right, so much lead up to this that he needed it to end right- he needed it to end with you.

sitting through dinner was nothing but pleasurable, especially when you shared desert with him, watching as whipped cream sat on his upper lip. “jer, lick your lips please” and as he did, he realized why you spoke your request. he was so.. silly and always had something funny to say. he was never super witty or rude, but was silly. he paid for dinner in whole, and you suppose maybe it was the fact that he was a hockey player and was rich or maybe that he was just a gentleman but you felt flattered by the gesture.

leaving, the two of you slowly walked back to his car.. slowly. you knew you didn’t want to leave him, he felt the same way. standing outside of his vehicle, the two of you stopped. he leaned over you and you stared into those mesmerizing eyes.. thinking about whatever he could possibly be thinking. in silence, he leaned closer to you, and before you knew it the two of you were kissing again.

his hand came to your cheek and pulled you just a little closer. while your hands were against his chest, slowly pushed their way up to his neck wrapping around the back of it. your kiss was deepened by the closer contact until you pulled away to take a breath.

“you should come back to my place..” he spoke quietly, barely above a whisper. the close contact made his silence so loud to you. you nodded and a smile spread across his cheeks. you kissed him once more, then again and again very quickly before the two of you let go of each other so that he could let you into his car so he could drive you back to his. when he got back in and began to drive, his hand ended back over on your side of the car, this time now on your thigh…

-

he lived in some nice apartments, and when standing in the elevator together, your hand brushed against his before you linked your pinky with his. he walked you down his hallway and as you got to his door, you stood there very patiently as he nervously fumbled with his keys. he got the two of you inside and you were almost in awe at how clean it was. he lived lavishly, not in an irresponsible way, but in a way that shows he spent a lot of time and money in making it his home.

he offered you to sit on his couch while he poured the two of you a glass of wine, but you turned down the offer, instead you asked if he had any sodas or .. whatever they called it in alaska. he nodded and asked

“is coke okay? i don’t drink it very often i just keep it mostly for guests.”

and you nodded as you sat down. “sorry i didn’t want a glass, i don’t wanna somehow end up in any situation where i’m hungover tomorrow” you claimed as he offered for you to pull your shoes off and you complied. you already had a drink or two already so you were satisfied anyways when he came over and handed you the can.

“glass or anything?” he asked, standing above you, watching you as you shook your head. he nodded and as he moved to sit down, you spontaneously grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him down to kiss you. he responded by quickly sitting down, deepening the kiss while placing his palm on your thigh, gently squeezing it as you pulled him closer.

“mhh” a soft sound left him before you pulled away.

“yes?” you asked quickly “is this not okay? i’m sorry if i got the wrong-“

“what? no! i was just trying to get a little more comfortable i’m sorry.” he said through a chuckle. your face flushed, a little embarrassed.

“how would you like me to sit for you?” you asked, trying to make both of you comfortable.

“you can sit in my lap?” he asked and you nodded, waiting for him to turn so you could sit in his lap, placing your legs on either side of his. the way he stared at you as you were just barley elevated above him made your stomach twist. his eyes glowed as he placed his hands on your sides, his palms cradling your hips while his fingers gently squeezed the sides of your belly.

you leaned over him and as he turned his head back to meet you, you kissed him. this time it was all more passionate than the last. your hands moved to his shoulders, one closer up his neck before it was holding his face. slow kisses turned into his tongue pressed against yours. his hands slowly moved around your body, down your thighs before taking a gentle squeeze. your dress began to ride up your thighs and helplessly, you allowed him to hold your bare legs, refusing to stop him as his palms held your ass.

your hands on the other hand, moved down, trying to pull at his jacket to get it off of him. breaking the kiss, you whispered “jer..” loud enough to make him stop so he could remove his blazer, while underneath having a dark button down on, something easy for you when you’re kissing him again.

he held you with one hand while the two of you worked together to get the jacket off, before throwing it somewhere else in the living room. the two of you were back to your stupid little tango of touching each other while messily making out, maybe too scared to go further until someone else makes a move.

as you two moved some more, you began to unbutton his shirt.. slowly getting further down to his belt that held his shirt between his skin and pants.

“jeremy..” you spoke softly, separating from him.

“yes, baby?” he said, staring at you, his hands pushing under your dress against your back. your cheeks burned at the word “baby.”

“i need these clothes gone.. yours and mine-” you were embarrassed at the words, you felt needy.. ugh.

“do you want to go to my bedroom instead of the couch?” he asked, his eyes bore into yours. he was mostly trying to ignore your chest in front of him, but was also just trying to seem as confident as possible.

“sure.” you smiled down at him, the question seeming so personal. he made sure he had a good grip around your ass as he picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist, leaning into his shoulder as he carried you to his room. your hands were linked around his neck as he opened the door, kissing your cheek before placing you down on his plush bed.

you took a moment to observe his room, with big window and gorgeous design, it matched the rest of the apartment. it was clean and his sheets smelled nice- thank god the boy respected himself this much.

“do you think i could take off your dress?” he said, pulling away as he sat you down to get a good look at you as he asked. you nodded and watched as he tried to contain a smile into a sly smirk as he took his hands and slowly pulled the soft material from above your hips up past your belly, chest and then over your head after saying “lift your arms” kindly.

as he threw the dress elsewhere, he observed what you wore underneath. it wasn’t matching on purpose, but definitely had that effect. your bra was a soft yellow while your panties were a lacy black. the bra had a clip in the front while the back had more lace connecting the bra together. “i um..” he blushed as he stared at you.

“sorry- it .. wasn’t super on purpose..” you laughed nervously but he shook his head.

“no, don’t apologize- it’s perfect” his eyes met yours, both of your cheeks burning before he leaned down over you to kiss you. as he did so, he used his free hand to unbuckle his belt and then push down his pants. his shirt remained buttoned as he slowly pushed you back farther onto the bed until you were fully laying down. your hands moved to his shirt and slowly unbuttoned it, until you were reaching down far enough to struggle. he pulled away, unbuttoning the shirt before pulling it off of him. you examined his thin but fit body before he leaned back over you and kissed you again.

he moved past your lips and was kissing at your neck, leaving soft kisses on your skin while he slowly moved down to the valley between your breasts. his hand slowly slid up the side of your ribcage, feeling very divot in your skin before taking your breast into his hand, as he began to kiss at the skin under your bra. he used his free hand to pull the fabric to the side as he kissed and sucked at your soft skin. eventually he switched everything, kissing at the other while holding the previously kissed. after much impatience, he fully sat up again-

“can i take it off?” he said, his hands placed against your ribs, cupping your bra. you nodded.. before speaking

“yeah you can.” you had a small smile on your face as he seemed satisfied with himself as you had said yes. he had you sit up a little and as you were nose to nose with him again, you pressed your lips to his as he unhooked your bra. as he did, he threw it to the side and laid you back down, moving back down between your breasts. as he sucked and kissed at the soft flesh, his knee was placed against your panties, allowing you to helplessly grind against his bare thigh as he sucked at your hardening nipples.

while your ground against his thigh, gentle and weak moans left your lips, until he pulled his thigh away, letting a soft apology leave his lips as he moved down your stomach in kisses, making his way down to your thighs. he asked quickly if he could pull off your panties, and as he did, he kissed at your thighs until he could fully have access to your cunt. it was dripping, and you knew it was as he let out a soft groan as he got a good look at you. he leaned in, a kiss pressing against your clit before his tongue gently licked over it. he replaced his tongue with his thumb momentarily, moving down so he could drag his tongue through your folds. tasting your slick cunt, he tries not to groan as he begins to eat you out, taking you like he was a starving man. his thumb rubbed at your clit, creating a steady rhythm. after a while he switched, beginning to finger you while licking at your clit. your legs began to shake as he flicked at your clit.

“j-jer..” his name fell from your lips as your hips began to buck into his face. “fuck.. jeremy..” you cried out, your head thrown back while your hands came to his hair, gently pulling at his soft curls. he began to work with more pressure, him fingering you a little faster, as he felt your legs shake and press his head between your thighs he knew you were at your edge- and as you cried out his name, your back coming off of the bed, he got the satisfaction of feeling your legs tighten around his head until you could finally come down from your high.

he slowly sat up, leaning over your to kiss you before he looked at your flushed face. your eyes were doughy as you stared at him.

“you okay?” he spoke softly, moving your hair out of your face. you nodded and he smiled. “you need some water?” and you nodded again. “do you have any words?”

“yeah.. i’m just saving them for later..” you teased, poking him in the belly before he rolled his eyes, getting out of the bed to go and get you a glass of water. as he walked back, you observed his body, seeing the trail of ginger hair that trailed down his midriff. you stared at his frame, he had so much muscle on his skinny frame, almost making you drool before you sat up to take the water. he handed it to you, sitting down next to you. you tilted your head back, downing almost the entire glass.

when you finished, he took the glass from you and placed it on the bedside table. the slender guy leaned over you and pressed a few kisses against your mouth. “you ready for a second round?” he moved your hair from your neck as he looked down at your body. “yeah i think so..” you smiled.

“would you maybe want to ride me? if not it’s okay..” and you looked up at him, nodding. you wanted to stare at him and just everything about him. “you sure?” he asked.

“yes i’m sure , jer.” you smiled softly as you sat up a little more, urging him to sit down so you could sit in his lap.

as the two of your switched around, he relaxed into the back of the bed frame, allowing you to sit on the lower halves of his thighs, looking down at how his boxers were low on his hips, doing nothing to hide that hardon he had in his boxers.

“can i take them off?” you asked, your hands around his hips. and as he gave you a “yeah” of confirmation, your fingers hooked in the elastic, pulling them from his legs. he pushed his head back, his cheeks a little red from embarrassment before you stared at him for a moment.. your mind was racing as you took your hand and gently wrapped it around his cock.

“nice..” you mumbled, feeling his veins against your soft palms. he was hard in your hand as your fingers barely met in a ring to your thumb. your slowly began to stroke him, observing his abdomen before he finally pushed his head back forward to look at you, watching as you sat there stroking his cock.

“fuck..” he groaned as you rubbed your thumb over the tip of his cock. his hair was a mess from you pulling at it, which only added to the effect of his heavy breaths, soft groans and flushed face. “fuck.. baby- i just.. please just ride me don’t do me like this…” he whined in his deep voice, forcing you to listen. he was so fucking hot.

“yeah okay..” you rolled your eyes, sitting up to place a kiss against his lips. your hand was placed on his chest to hold yourself up while your other hand held his cock, directing it to press against your cunt. his hands came up to your sides, as the tip pressed against entrance. “j-jer..” you whimpered. and again he realized that he had you in the palm of his hand while you began to sink yourself onto him,

“fuck..” you whined, your hands moving up to his neck, wrapping around the back of his neck. your head fell forward, trying to keep yourself composed. his hand moved to the back of your head, tangling into your soft hair, trying to comfort you.

“shhh.. babydoll..” he cooed while he himself tried to stay composed, having mumbled some curses while you took his cock. as you finally adjusted to him, while he fit perfectly inside of you, he helped you begin to fuck yourself on his cock. his hands were on your hips, helping raise them off of his cock. once your legs gained their strength back, he allowed you to hold yourself up on your knees.

“why don’t i fuck you baby..” he spoke softly his mouth close to your ear. he held your hips high as he thrusted his cock up into your cunt. you placed your face in the crook of his neck, your hot breath against his neck as he slowly thrusted into you. his breath was heavy, groans leaving him as you whimpered his name.

“f-fuck.. i’m sorry i-“ you whined, trying to apologize for not being able to ride him like he wanted.

“shh.. it’s okay baby- this is better anyways” he had a smirk on his face, thinking about how not only he was fucking the girl of his dreams, but he had her like putty in his hands. your moans came out in whines and moans as he began to thrust into you just a little harder.

“oh please. jeremy…” you cried, your breath sending goosebumps across his skin.

“yeah baby? tell me..” his hands gripped your hips, his hands on your ass as he thrusted into you.

“it feels.. so good..” your words were drawn out as you called out to him. your eyes rolled back , gasping as he pounded your guts in, increasing his pace and thrust as he fucked into you. your words soon became a slurred mess as he ruined your brain.

he could feel himself getting closer, as his muscles tightened. his grip on you became harder and as you neared the same fate, you struggled to hold yourself up on your knees.

“just a little longer baby.. just a little bit. i can tell you’re about to cum..” he said as he struggled through clenched teeth and holding back on cumming.

“please.. jeremy.. let me- jer please..” you strung together as your knees began to give out. “f-fuck!”

he finally gave in. “okay baby cum for me” he spoke softly, pulling you down on his dick. he held back. he needed to be able to ask if he could cum inside and he was just torturing himself to not let himself go. he let you sit there on his cock, your walls squeezing around him as you sat there with your hands gripping his shoulders while your face was pushed into his neck. you could barely think but as you came down from your high, you just realized he hadn’t cum.

“can i cum inside of you..” he was quiet about it, the room was quiet and it seemed a little awkward.

“oh i’m so sorry i didn’t tell you- yes jer you can.. i’m on something.” you smiled, kissing his neck affirming my before he suddenly picked you up and turned you over, laying you on your back before he was on top of you, pushing his dick inside of you. before you could say anything you were overcome by his cock deep inside of you again, pressing against that weak spot that caused you to whimper.

he took your leg, pushing it over his shoulder, leaning forward. “cmon baby.. do you think you can cum again..” he said as he began to not just thrust into you. he began to fuck you. his free hand was placed on your lower abdomen, reminding you and him of who your cunt belonged to now as he was gonna pump you full of his thick cum.

“oh my god.. baby..” he groaned , almost drowning out your own overstimulated cries. his thrusts were wild and lacked rhythm but probably felt better than anything else as he intended to make you cum as he filled you up.

“fuck im so close.. cum for me again baby.” you could feel it coming as he demanded for it again. “im gonna fill you up, i’m gonna fuck this cunt full..” he threw his head back, groaning deeply again. your body was shaking as he grabbed your other leg, pushing it over his shoulder. you could hear the slapping as he fucked you as hard as you’ve ever been fucked.

“god im gonna cum- baby i’m gonna cum inside of you” he finally said before his cock , which filled you entirely, was fully inside of you, pumping his thick cum all over your walls. he leaned over , pushing your legs with him, showing him how flexible you truly were as your third orgasm came with it. the feeling of his cum inside of you did nothing but send you over the edge, the both of y’all’s moans and groans mixing together to create the most annoying neighbors ever.

his name fell from your lips until you could finally think again. he was still buried deep inside of you as you came back from your high. he sat there, your legs still to your chest.

“you can stay inside of me all you want, but i would like to have legs that work tomorrow..” you said, running your hands through his hair. he nodded and said he sat up, he kissed you quickly before he moved back, letting your legs fall to his sides. he then thrusted into you one more time for good measure.. but mostly just to see your cute reaction to his big cock.

slowly, he began to pull out, staring as the cum became to seep out of your cunt.

“yeah.. i think this date was a success..” he teased as he got up, resisting the urge to lick your creamy pussy. he got up and found a clean pair of boxers before running off to his bathroom go get you a washcloth to get everything cleaned up.

“me too..” you responded as he came back. he got down between your legs and gently cleaned you up before placing a kiss against you clit. he gave you a clean pair of his boxers and a t-shirt to wear.

“you should spend the night..” he said as he handed you the clothes. you nodded in agreement while putting them on. you looked at yourself in the mirror, seeing smudged makeup and a very tired girl with a very cute guy in the background to the mirror. he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your ear and your cheek until you turned your head to kiss his lips. “you’re beautiful…” he said in the softest tone you’ve ever heard from him. “let’s lay down..”

you ended up staying the night and sleeping in late the next morning. the two or you slept, cuddled up like bears. the two of you knew that this secret relationship wouldn’t be a secret very long, especially with you being in boston for another week or so but however much time you could savor with jeremy was enough. you’d be moving back soon anyways but until then

captain doesn’t have to know..

[imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend]

All Things End, Part 7

Sorry about that last cliff hanger 😌

Fic Summary: William Thurber is left to pick up the pieces of his nightmare. Reader is a sensitive - a psychic - with knowledge of otherworldly things, and has been drawn to help William.

Characters: William Thurber, Sensitive/Psychic!Reader (F)

Words: 2k

Warnings: mention of fainting, brief mention of blood, brief use of religious language

Masterlist ~ Part 6

(moodboard images found on Google. Please let me know if you are the creator and would like anything removed)

You felt a little bad for not really checking in on how William was feeling after you had found him passed out, but it was his own fault for reading your journal without permission. Obviously, your recount of what he told you was going to stir things up in his mind. The fool, you thought in dismay.  

You had gone for a little walk to try to clear your head before you went back to the inn and asked for some bowls of stew to bring up for you and William. It was practically dinner time, and you hadn’t had nearly enough to eat today.

You walked carefully up the stairs to your room. You realized that it would be difficult to open the door whilst carrying two bowls of steaming food. This door was not on your side today. It would have been easier if William didn’t have to hide away in the room, but alas, these were your circumstances. You used your foot to knock on the door. “William, will you open the door, please?”  

There was no response. You leaned your ear toward the door to listen for any sound behind it, but there was none. You kicked at the door again. “William?”

Still nothing.

You haphazardly stacked the steaming bowls and pressed them against your chest to free one hand so you could unlock the door and open it. You pocketed your key and set the stew down on the little table.  

William was nowhere in sight. “William?” You called again.

The bathroom door swung open and startled you slightly. William was wiping a towel over his face, and it had some blood drops on it.

“Are you alright?” You asked in concern.

William lowered the towel and your eyebrows shot up. He had shaved off his moustache and the stubble that had started to grow on his face. He looked five years younger. He looked very handsome. You couldn’t stop a soft Oh from slipping past your lips

“Just a couple of nicks.” He said.  

You cleared your throat and nodded. “I brought some stew. Best to eat it while it’s still hot.”

You went over to the table and sat down. You pulled your bowl in front of you and picked up your spoon. You tried focusing on your food, but you felt hyper aware of William now that you’d seen him clean shaven. You were flustered by his good looks but didn’t want to let anything on.

When William came back out of the bathroom after washing his face, he sat beside you silently and ate his food. He ate quickly and was done before you but didn’t say anything until you were finished eating as well.

He said your name gently and you didn’t have it in you to not meet his eyes.

His eyes darted back and forth between yours for a moment before he spoke. “I truly am sorry for reading your journal. I regret that I’ve hurt you. It was not my intention, but it was a foolish action, nonetheless. I hope you can forgive me. I give you my word that I will not do anything like that again.”

You bit your bottom lip before you released it with a sigh. “I appreciate your apology, William. And yes, please, if you ever want to ask me about anything, just ask me. If I don’t want to tell you, then you need to respect that, too.”

“I will.” William said immediately. “You’re here to help me when you don’t have to be. I appreciate it, more than you know.”

“Okay. You are forgiven, William.” You said pointedly.

He took your hands in his, and the action surprised you. “Thank you.”

***

William was so utterly relieved to have been given your forgiveness. He had taken your hands and thanked you, and he saw a blush spread across your cheeks. He let you go, not wanting to cause you any discomfort.

You cleared your throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Me?” He asked dumbly. He felt great to have patched things up with you.

You bowed your head slightly. “You passed out earlier.”

“Oh.” It was his turn to clear his throat. “I’m fine. I just saw...” He shook his head, trying not to bring those images back up. “I remembered things from the past. And more recently, too. But I’m fine now.”

“Good.”

“Were you able to get everything that you needed?” He looked over at the little pile of things you had gotten from your outing.

“Yes, I think so.” You seemed to hesitate, so William waited. “Well, there’s one more thing that I actually haven’t figured out yet.”

“What is it? Can I help?” William asked.

You looked down and fiddled with your hands. “I don’t quite know how we’re going to seal up the Gate – the well – after we’re done.”

“I thought you said you knew how to close it.” William tried to keep his tone light.

“I figure I can with some kind of word of God, but I want to be certain that it is sealed. Does that make sense?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I don’t really understand any of this.” William said defeatedly.  

“I think we need to physically seal it.”

“Like, with bricks? Concrete?”

“Possibly. I think that might actually be best. I just don’t know how we’d go about doing that.”

William swiped a hand over his now clean-shaven face. He hadn’t been completely without facial hair for a while. It made him feel younger. He mostly shaved to change up his look. He’d been known for his moustache for a while, so if the police were going to start looking for him, he didn’t want to be so easily spotted.

“Okay. I might be able to get some supplies, but I’ll need a hand.”

“From who?” You asked him.

“Gabriel, my assistant from the gallery. He already offered me to stay at his place when he saw the way I was yesterday. He’d probably be able to help.”

“Are you sure you can trust him? What if the police have already questioned him about you?”

“He’s a good kid. He’ll give us a hand.” William said confidently.

You were eyeing him skeptically, but all you said was, “All right.”  

“He expected me at the gallery today. I might be able to catch him still, if we go now.”

You looked as though you were debating it but eventually nodded. “Okay. But put on a cap. I don’t think it’s a good idea for anyone to see you, even in the dark.”

William did as you said, grabbing the hat that he presumed you had gotten him. He put it on his head and grabbed his jacket. It was a bit dirty, but he didn’t really care. “Ready when you are.”

***

William’s Massachusetts accent flustered you almost as much as his newly shaven face. You had grabbed your own jacket and you followed William out the door. He had his hat pulled down as low as it could go, but you did your best to make sure there was no one around when you and William walked the streets. He led you to the gallery and produced a key from his pocket.  

You hadn’t been inside William’s gallery, only outside and in the courtyard. It was nice inside. You’d never seen anything like it.  

“Let’s go find Gabriel.” William said, breaking you out of your thoughts.

You followed him down the hallways and to a small office. There was a young man in there.

“Gabriel.” William said.

The young man, Gabriel, stood up. “Sir! I’m glad to see you’re okay!” He peered behind William to look at you. “Who’s this?”

“This is a friend.” William said. You merely offered a smile. “Gabriel, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Uh, anything, sir. But I should tell you, the police came ‘round today. Asking me if I’d seen you.”

“What did you tell them?” William asked. His voice was serious. “I need you to tell me exactly what they asked and what you said.”

Gabriel recounted his conversation with the police. They had asked him if he had seen William, if he knew where William might be if not at his house. Gabriel said that he merely answered their questions but did not volunteer any other information. He said that he saw William yesterday at the gallery and hadn’t seen him since. Gabriel said the only places William would ever be these days were at the gallery, the club, or at home.

He did not tell the cops about William coming back to the gallery and the things he had mentioned about his home and family being gone. He did not say anything about being ordered by William to burn all of Pickman’s work, and thankfully the police didn’t see the scorched earth or pile of burned wood in the courtyard. If they had, it definitely would have made things worse.  

“With Mr. Minot recovering and you not showing up, I kept the gallery closed.” Gabriel continued. “After the police left, I went out to the courtyard and tried cleaning up the best I could out there. Ended up having to cover it all with dirt Looks better, at least. Anyway, have you been ‘round to see Mr. Minot? Is he doing okay?”

You had noticed Will stiffen at the mention of Joe, so you subtly put your hand on his arm to try to calm him.

William cleared his throat. “Uh, thank you for doin’ that for me, Gabriel. No, I haven’t seen Joe. Yet.”

“Maybe I’ll stop by tomorrow.” Gabriel said.

You saw William’s skin pale, so you cut in. “I heard what happened to Mr. Minot. I think it’s best he rests a couple of days.”

Gabriel nodded. “Right, that’s probably a good idea.”

You smiled encouragingly at him.

“So, what’s the favour, Mr. Thurber?” Gabriel looked back to William.

“I need you to get a delivery of bricks and mortar to this address.” William reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper with Pickman’s address on it. “It just needs to be dropped outside the door, by tomorrow night.”

“Uh, okay.” Gabriel said. He accepted the paper.

“New project.” William lied.

“Gotcha. Anything else?” Gabriel asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s all. Listen, Gabriel. I appreciate all the work you’ve done for me and Joe. I’m thinking of bringing you up as a partner soon, ya hear me?”

Gabriel’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Will said. “I think you’re ready to step up.”

“Wow, sir. Thank you.” Gabriel said sincerely.

“Just... don’t tell the cops you’ve seen me. I don’t need them buggin’ me while I'm in the works of a new project. Okay?” Will said, hand on Gabriel’s shoulder.

Gabriel nodded dutifully. “You’ve got it, sir.”

“We should go,” you said.  

William turned around. “Yes. I’m counting on you, Gabriel.” William said, backing away and pointing his finger at Gabriel.

“I won’t let you down, sir.”

You and William left the gallery and began walking back to the inn. “Did you mean what you said about bringing him on as a partner?” You asked him.

William smiled faintly. “If there’s anyone I’d want to handle the gallery, it’s him. With Joe gone, and what’s happening to me... I’d want Gabriel to be in charge. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay here, once this is over. The cops will be on to me eventually. I gotta get outta here.”

“I don’t think that’s a terrible idea.” You admitted.

Will sucked his teeth. “Yeah.” He said it as a sigh.

The rest of the walk was in silence. When you got back to the inn, you looked over at the bed. You then looked at William, and he was looking at you.

“Still okay with sharin’ the bed?” He asked.

You tried to fight the flush creeping across your cheeks. “As long as you don’t mind me pulling at the blankets.”

William just responded with a grin.

~

Author's note: idk about you guys but I'm excited :)

Taglist ✨

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@musicalggirl @russosafehaven @myladydarkling @ana-fortheloveofgod @makemeurvillian

Part 8

[twodiamondhoes]

Just want you to know that I love dirges so freaking much. Your writing is amazing. I'm a pretty slow reader because my attention span is usually crap, but I stayed up binge reading the entire thing. It felt like I was watching the story as I read it, which is so cool.

I'd take any rambles of info you may have about Scar that didn't make it into the cut! I absolutely adore him.

(I loved the detail about Jimmy's canary boots, btw)

Anon!! you are so incredibly sweet, thank you so much!! <3 I really strive to make things flow and keep my audience engaged and I'm so so happy that it worked with Dirges!!

There are some scenes that I was practically visualizing while writing them and it's so fun to know that I'm not the only one XD

(and thank you!! I love the canary boots, I wish they existed in real life! I do have two pairs of my own boots (as of today, when I got a second, more decorated pair) but alas neither of them have yellow feather details. One day perhaps!)

What to say about Dirges!Scar? Hmmm...

Well, my partner is egging me on to come up with a side-story for Scar, but given the roster already to be written, unless I get whammy'd with an idea that won't let me alone, that will have to wait a while. However, I think my favorite thing about Scar is that, until Del Sombra, he always went into his Deals with a solid idea of what he was asking for and what he was willing to offer in exchange. This didn't always coincide with what he started off asking for/offering though, as I see Scar as being a master manipulator, playing to Ol' Nick's pride, and being very well versed in the Foot-in-the-Door versus Door-in-the-Face salesman tactics. He always got more than enough bang for his buck.

He drafts his own contracts because his lucky pen writes in invisible ink, which is, of course, then revealed by the fires of Hell when it's too late for Nick to do anything about it. He has an identical one that writes in regular ink that he can swap to so that he can write out the majority of the contract, and add his little caveats without suspicion.

The Del Sombra deal was different, partially because he felt responsible for giving the residents undue hope, and because of that he didn't go in with as solid of a plan. He did have to sell his soul to save the town, but he made absolutely certain that he was going to be fairly compensated for it, hence the whole 'accidentally bringing the town to life by binding an eldritch entity to it' fiasco that neither of them saw coming. BUT he got a cool cane out of the deal! Total win, if you ask him.

The tarot cards have nothing to do with Hell or the Devil, they're their own brand of supernatural, and he won them in an aboveboard card game that the previous owner definitely didn't lose on purpose. (Let's just say that some folks wouldn't be as resilient to the lure of the cards, and might find them a bit more, uhh, unnerving than Scar does).

Scar had a secondary plan to get out of the whole "selling his soul" thing, in case his hidden clause didn't work out and he went to hell anyway. Now, unfortunately for him, the Devil is the vindictive sort, and a master of malicious compliance and does not care for being tricked. This, surely, won't come back to bite them at all.

[dreamcatcherrs]

3 types of kisses - sapnap

(suggestive content! 18+ or read with caution)

NECK KISS/HICKEY

this guy, I swear to god, he is such a brat, and don’t think for a second that that’ll change once he’s in a relationship. I mean yeah, he’s a soft boy, but gosh he’s a wild card as well. one second he’s all soft, the next he's acting like a brat and annoying the shit out of you, and then he’s all over you like a horny 15-year old boy. you never know what mood he’s gonna be in next.

“nick, don't you even think about it,” you snarled, squinting your eyes at your boyfriend as his hands hovered over your sides. his face held a mischievous smirk, which really wasn't giving you a good feeling about escaping the crazed man above you. “I will kill you if you even just as much as lay a finger on me.”

but alas, your hisses and threats had no effect on him and he proceeded with his mischievous actions by letting his fingers run loose across your sides. you squirmed in your place, letting out a loud squeak as he laughed at your misery.

“nick, don't do this!” you screamed, attempting to push his hands away to stop the uncomfortable tingles shooting through your body, but failing miserably. your breathing became harder to control as a fit of unstoppable giggles escaped your mouth, unable to do anything until your idiot boyfriend stopped tickling you.

that son of a bitch was laughing, too.

what did you do to deserve this kind of pain? apparently a lot since nick had no plans of stopping anytime soon. you had to do something. so, as anyone else would, you curled yourself into a ball as best as you could, before kicking out your legs to knock him backwards.

it worked for a moment, your boyfriend falling back onto the bed for just enough time for you to catch your breath again, before he was on top of you again in an instant.

“very smart, but too bad you're still the one under me.” he grabbed your wrists before you could push him back again, this time straddling your legs so you couldn't escape. he collected your wrists with one hand, placing them above your head whilst his other hand continued the sinful actions of tickling you to death.

you yelled out his name in agony, nails clawing into his hand. you HATED being tickled, and your prick of a boyfriend knew exactly just how much. you had just been peacefully putting your clothes back in your drawer as nick played on dream’s smp, when all of a sudden he tackled you onto your bed and started tickling you like it was the last thing he did.

“c’mon y/n, out of breath already? I haven't even started yet,” he teased, laughing at your face when you sent him a mean stare.

“no~ please stop,” you whined, trying to shake him off of you. the tickles were getting worse, your heart beating so loudly that you were sure he could hear it. you felt him slow down his hand movements a little, making your eyes light up. “please don't, babe. I’ll do anything.” you pouted at him, giving him puppy eyes. his hand stopped moving completely at your suggestion.

“you’ll do anything?” he gave you a smug look, raising an eyebrow. you nodded profusely, blinking a set of innocent eyes at him, when of course you weren't going to do anything for that little shit. “well, in that case…”

he released the grip on your wrists slowly, stupid fucker, and without hesitation you used all of your weight to tackle him onto his back, using the same technique as him by straddling his legs.

“hah!” you grinned, forcing his hands on each side of his head. “not so tough now, are you?” he quickly wiped off his shocked expression, replacing it with an eye roll. he easily ripped his hands from your grip, and grabbed your shoulders with a strong enough force to roll you onto your back again.

you groaned in annoyance, quickly raising your arms up in front of you as some sort of shield. there was no way you were letting him tickle you again.

“ohhh, you sneaky little snake,” he chuckled darkly, locking your chin between his thumb and index finger to hold you still. “what ever should I do with you now? I can't believe you lied to me.”

“I told you to stop...!” you trailed off with a weak voice when seeing the disapproval in his eyes, telling you to shut up. suddenly, you didn't feel so brave anymore.

“tickles don't work on you, so I guess I’m just gonna have to try something else..”

you looked into his green eyes, noticing how they'd grown dull and hooded. his thumb latched onto your bottom lip, pulling the flesh downwards and staring at it attentively. your heart stopped for a second at the feeling, blood rushing to your cheeks in an instant.

before you could react further, his face dove into your neck, lips soft against your skin as he planted a sweet kiss just below your jaw. the feeling made you sigh out, body relaxing underneath his. he took your pleased sound as an invitation to further his kisses, running his tongue across the kiss he’d planted, its warmth and wetness sending shivers down your spine. he latched his lips onto the skin and sucked it gently, making a low hum escape your lips.

the noises you were starting to make made him smirk, teeth clamping down on the bruised skin to nibble on it gently, and then continued downwards to leave another burning hickey on a different part of your unmarked skin in that same order.

“nick,” you breathed out, raking your fingers through his brown locks. your eyes closed shut in pure bliss at the feeling, heat pooling between your thighs as he explored your unmarked skin. you moved a daring hand to his lower region, placing it softly on his growing erection.

he let out a groan at the sensation, but moved your hand away before you could pleasure him further. he pulled away from your neck, his breathing in sync with yours and eyes wide from the sudden outburst of passion coming from him.

“I’m still on a call with dream,” he huffed, eyes following your lips like a moth would to a flame. he cupped your cheek with one of his hands, and your fingers crawled up under his shirt ever so slightly, playing with the material.

“I don’t care.” you stared at his lustfilled eyes, darkening at your words. he hovered above you for a little, before crashing his lips onto yours in a heated kiss, and you pulled at his roots to push his face closer to yours, not even thinking about letting him go for a second.

dream was not happy with the noises he heard, and had to end the call once realising that his friend wasn’t coming back anytime soon.

😳

FRENCH KISS

sapnap really loves being passionate with his kisses - like he really gets into it. once you start making out with him it’s hard to stop again because he almost always wants to take it further when things get heated. french kisses has to be on this list, like there's just no way this isn't one of his favourites.

it felt like time had stopped completely, everything becoming still around you. nothing else mattered in this moment - only the touch of his lips and your breaths mixed together mattered, and everything that was to come. the room didn't feel so cold anymore, actually you weren't sure you'd ever been this hot in your life.

your teeth clashed with his as you kissed him, tongue swirling around his in a wet and warm embrace. his hand felt up your sides, squeezing the soft flesh that exposed itself to him - his other hand pulling you closer to him by your thigh. he took your straddled position on his lap to his advantage and pushed your hips down to lean your weight on his groin.

you hummed in surprise, cupping his cheek with one hand to press your lips to his harder. he groaned at your close proximity, placing both of his hands on your hips instead to help you grind down on him.

the friction made you moan into his mouth, biting down on his bottom lip gently to mute yourself. his fingers sneaked their way under the hem of your shirt, pushing the material upwards with his hands as they roamed your warm and untouched skin.

you shivered at the coldness of his hands, and pulled away from his lips to catch your breath again. he had left you panting, lips wet and bruised from the rough kiss. he kept himself busy and moved his kisses downwards, venturing towards your collarbone and pulling off your shirt to get easier access to your skin.

you blushed at your sudden bareness, shying away from him even though it was no new sight for him to see. he grabbed your hand that was about to cover you up, lacing his fingers with yours whilst giving you an assuring look.

you swallowed subtly, slowly nodding at him and closing in on him again. he smiled gently at your shyness. even though there'd been many other times he'd seen you wearing less clothes than you were now, you still managed to get shy around him.

he leaned in again, placing an open-mouthed kiss on your lips, before kissing you fully again. you relaxed in his embrace, quickly falling into submission as your tongues met again, not wishing for a second that this moment would end.

ANGEL KISS

of course I had to leave in a soft kiss, because even though sap can get kind of wild with his s/o, he is such a cuddly bear and just wants to devour his partner and squeeze them to death. he always wants to kiss you, why wouldn't he? angel kisses are for soft bois only.

he had only noticed you’d fallen asleep once he heard light snores come from your parted lips, looking down only to see your eyes closed shut and your eyebrows furrowed together slightly.

he smiled down at you, mumbling a very quiet “cute” and turned down the volume of the movie, so you wouldn't wake up again. he scooted down further from his place against the bedrest to lay down on the bed fully, being careful yet again not to wake you up.

he gently moved your head onto the pillow instead of his chest, covering your bodies in the fluffy duvet that just waited to wrap you up in its warmth. he pushed a loose strand of hair away from your face and behind your ear, stroking your cheek gently with the back of his fingers while he was there.

“how are you so cute?” he whispered, knowing that you couldn't hear him, but his heart not being able to keep his emotions hidden when looking at you. the more he looked at you, the faster his heart beat and the more his eyes lit up with love.

he carefully approached you, placing very light and delicate pecks onto your closed eyelids once he was close enough to your face. the feeling was almost as light as a feather, but just enough to make a small smile cross your face in your sleep.

he pulled away once seeing the smile on your face, causing him to smile as well, and pressed his forehead to yours. he cozied up to you before closing his eyes as well, dozing off to dreamland after mumbling into your ear; “I love you, princess.”

*

*

*

I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT TO 200 FOLLOWERS

this is actually insane, thank you all so much. this wouldn't have been possible without you guys, not to mention that this follow base is filled with the kindest and most incredible people out there. I seriously love you guys so much and if my writing can make your day at least 1% better when you're at 0%, that makes all of this worth it💜 I love each and every one of you with all of my heart💕

[morganelise35]

I can’t sleep because I can’t get the night I met bit out my head.

As a last hoorah before my friends and I went off to uni we decided to go to a NoahFinnce gig. Half of my friends had never even heard of him. The other half of us had never heard of the band opening for him.

I’d heard Fresh Concrete in one roadtrip playlist my friend (the only one of us who can drive) made. The playlist is named Adventure Time. I didn’t really connect to fresh concrete. I was just a bit confused tbh.

On to the stage of the Manchester Deaf Institute walked Bears in Trees. I remember falling in love with the one in the middles dinosaur tshirt. I was also a bit confused because from the very little I did know about the bear band (from watching one or two of their tiktoks), I had assumed Nick was the lead singer.

I had never heard reverberate before but I found myself screaming the words I had only heard in that moment at my 3 best friends. It was joyous in ways I don’t think I’ll ever experience again.

Also the guy in the dinosaur shirt doing the whistley bit and having a little dancey dance to a song about flying to Alaska? Chefs kiss.

My friend had parked her car in the car park of a Mormon church? They only accepted cash. So after the Noah gig ended one friend and I convinced the security guard to let us back into the venue hoping the people at the merch stand would do some sort of cash back kinda thing so we could get change to pay. Alas I was too shy to ask to swap a card payment for cash and instead bought a bears in trees tshirt.

Iain was living their best life dancing away to the music the venue was playing through the speakers as Callum and co sold their merch. I was so surprised when I was given a free sticker. Nothing comes for free these days???? Iain may or may not have hinted about the arg after I (am ashamed to admit it) lied about being an active member of their discord. I joined the discord. Yes. But had nothing to add to any conversation because I had no idea what this bear band was about.

Fast forward to today and there is not a lot that brings me more happiness than BiTs music, what they represent, the community they’ve built, and the friends I’ve made through the sandbox.

I wear that tshirt whenever I’m feeling meh and it makes me feel not so meh.

And everybody else smiled back is a gorgeous album that makes me feel so many emotions and helped me realise the emotions I am feeling are actually okay to be felt? Thank you bears in trees for all you do. See you next month where I will know every single lyric and scream them back at you with as much passion as I did when I first heard them in Manchester.

(P. S I am now a full believer in fresh concrete supremacy )

[cdyssey]

Need

Summary: After Nick arrives at the beach house, Frankie escapes to her studio to process her emotions. Post 7x04.

A/N: I've had such Grace and Frankie brain rot these past few days that I figured I should put it to good use and write another fic. It was really fascinating to try Frankie's POV. Lily Tomlin imbues her with a lot of subtle pathos that I totally wish the show would explicitly explore more.

AO3 Link

—

Frankie excuses herself to the studio for dinner, so she can process her very big, astonishingly inappropriate, and entirely overwhelming emotions without resorting to calling Nick a “wavy-haired, Pierce Brosnan wannabe douche canoe.” 

As delightful (and totally true) of a turn a phrase that it is, even she knows that saying it aloud would be trespassing a boundary that she’s sworn herself never to cross: Grace is married.

Unhappily married, maybe. 

Complicatedly married at the very least.

But until the day that they mutually say “I do” to divorce papers, there isn’t enough room for three people in the Skolka marriage, however much that Grace—bless her increasingly unthawing heart—tries to ensure otherwise. 

So Frankie lets the newly reunited couple have their dinner alone under the guise of a generosity that she doesn’t exactly feel, and she takes leftover pasta into her studio to moodily pick around the bowl until her fettuccine looks less like fettuccine and more like unevenly perforated confetti.

(Woo fucking hoo.)

After a few minutes of this aggressively unconstructive practice, she places her nearly full bowl on a nearby work table and stretches out across her paint-stained couch, staring at the ceiling and resisting the reactionary urge to light a joint. Mary J might help her feel better for the present moment, but tomorrow morning, she’d still wake up and feel invaded in her own home.

Paradoxically, she’d also feel alone, goddammit.

She pulls her shawl more tightly around her shoulders against an invisible and piercing chill.

Frankie hates feeling lonely.

She spiraled when Grace lived in the penthouse. She nearly self-destructed to fill the gaping void that her roommate, her friend, her practical and beloved soulmate left behind. There was a period where she didn’t wash her clothes and ate a lot of admittedly non-vegan takeout. There were nights when she’d lay awake in her awfully huge bed, staring at the empty space where Sol used to sleep, and have the familiar waking nightmare of spending her final years in forced solitude. She was happy with Jack, and then Jacob—sweet Jacob—came around too, and she did something she still feels fucking ashamed about: she hurt both of them, and she lied when she said that she had just wanted to have some fun.

She knows herself.

Intimately.

She‘d been scared of being alone again, so she tried to hold on to two people who were helping her to stave the awful feeling away. Those men wanted her, and Frankie used them. They wanted her, and she pathologically loves to feel wanted because she sometimes and irrationally fears that she might not be needed.

To be fair to her irrational fears, all the people she’s ever needed and felt needed by have hurt her before.

Sol cheated on her for twenty years.

Her own sons stuck her in a nursing home.

Grace just fucking left her.

She eloped in Vegas like a blushing twenty-one year old bride and just disappeared.

She says it was a mistake; she sat across Frankie in a sunlit restaurant and candidly told her that she didn’t like the person she had become when she married Nick.

And to be completely fair to her, Grace has been adamant about not wanting to leave again—so perhaps she never will—but if her husband is here to stay, it's also a distinct possibility that she’ll never have to make the choice to physically leave to… well… leave.

She can perpetually honeymoon with Nick and still call Frankie home. 

It could be a happy ending for Grace… and a fresh new hell for Frankie, who'd just started to feel secure again.

God knows she wants her best friend to be happy, but the big man in the sky must also surely understand that she had hoped that she alone could be enough for Grace, that this unconventional life spent together in the beach house—so crazy, so weird, and so inextricably entangled—would be their shared happily ever after.

But even as she thinks it, the vestiges of her clearly misplaced optimism begin to evade her, dregs now at the bottom of an already drained cup.

She and Grace aren't married.

It’s always been an objective fact.

Tonight, it feels more like an unpleasant reality.

When the door leading into her studio suddenly flies open, Frankie barely has enough time to swipe the back of her hand across her eyes before she sits up to find none other than the lady of the hour.

Her collared shirt popped up stiffly around her neck, a martini glass surgically glued to her right hand, Grace looks quintessentially herself as she walks in, even down to the minutiae of her trademark I'm-angry-at-the-world-and-everyone-in-it expression—brow furrowed and eyes Medusa cold. After all but slamming the door, she stalks over within a few clicks of her practical but unmistakably high heels.

“Well, hello to you, too, Sunshine,” Frankie greets wryly, hoping to hell and back that her face isn’t as red as it feels. 

It’s a tall order, though.

Alas, she was gifted (or equally cursed) with an exceptionally expressive face.

“Frankie, this is nonsense,” Grace says bluntly, using her martini glass like a pointer and leveling it straight at her head. “Come back to the house—your house—and have dinner with us.”

It’s the authoritarian nature of the demand that rifles Frankie.

Frankly, it pisses her off.

She’s always been a rebel contrarian.

“And by us, you mean you and your house arrested husband, right?” She returns evenly. She betrays herself by raising a single and devastatingly skeptical brow. “The man with whom you should be having a very emotionally honest conversation with right now about the parameters of your jacked up relationship?”

Grace shifts her weight from heel to heel and glances away a little too quickly for the gesture to be entirely natural. Frankie had blatantly stricken a pulsing nerve, and the guilt of doing so immediately swallows her. 

She shouldn’t be so hard on her friend.

(She doesn’t know why it’s permissible to be equally hard on herself.)

“Well, I tried to have that conversation, thank you very much, but then I ended up wanting to claw Nick’s eyes out.” The obvious follow up question must shine in Frankie’s face because sighing infinitesimally through her nostrils, Grace adds, “His attorney argued that my advanced age and apparent capability to croak at any moment were reasons enough to grant Nick leniency. They let him out so he could take care of me—whatever the hell that means.”

Her no-nonsense voice never falters as she delivers the brutal words, but her eyes undermine her, seething with emotion, simply roiling. They tell a story of horror and disgust and searing, absolute betrayal; they’re heavy all over with sadness and the indelicate trappings of all her raw and mercilessly exposed fears. 

Frankie understands immediately.

Nick used one of Grace’s deepest insecurities as a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Being eighty-two years old.

But perhaps more accurately, feeling like it.

“Oh, honey,” Frankie melts. She can do nothing else but melt, to be suddenly overcome with fierce, protective, and terrifying love for the woman in front of her. “That fucking bastard.”

Grace immediately laughs, the sound hoarse and watery and a little unhinged all at the exact same time.

“Tell me about it,” she half-smiles and takes the swearing as a rightful invitation to join Frankie on the couch. With a gentle clink, she sets her half-emptied martini glass on the table next to Frankie’s completely full pasta bowl. “I said the exact same thing.”

When she chooses to sit close enough that their shoulders are brushing, Frankie intuitively knows that this is petty defiance against Nick for daring to intrude upon them and the world they've so carefully created together.

She temples Grace’s nearest hand with her own in an attempt to silently communicate that this right here—whatever this is between them—is love.

“So, please”—Grace squeezes her hand back—“please don’t be angry with me… I… I didn’t want this. You know I didn’t want this. I don’t want him to even be here.”

Frankie stares openly at her best friend.

Wide-eyed and hopeful against her self-loathing, self-centered will, she searches her broken face like it's revelatory.

It's stunningly rare that Grace Hanson ever articulates her wants so clearly. Forty years of an emotionally repressive marriage did their number and toll on her. She pedestalized rigid decorum over every conscious desire. 

She played by the rules even if they hurt her.

And drank herself to oblivion on many a night to forget the very fact that she was hurt.

To deny herself the honesty she’d somehow convinced herself that she didn’t deserve.

“… you know this is your husband we’re talking about here, right?” It’s a rhetorical question. Frankie's pretty sure that they both fucking know that it’s insane that this conversation—that this entire situation as a whole—is happening. 

“I know,” Grace replies firmly. “Believe me, I'm well aware. But you’re… you’re my partner, Frankie, and if I can’t be upfront with you, then I don’t know who else I can turn to.”

The very word partner sends shivers down her spine, and the shivers collect like butterflies in her already churning belly.

It’s just a word, she tells herself. 

She scolds.

Grace doesn’t mean anything by it.

It's a label, and Grace doesn't do labels anymore.

“I... I wasn’t mad at you, Grace,” she finally admits. It's easier to do than questioning the extent to which her roommate would give up the world for her, but all the same, her voice is frighteningly weak, a pale imitation of everything Frankie usually projects herself to be: confident, cheerful, unshakeable, unshaken. Suddenly, it hits her that it’s been a very long time since she’s been so openly vulnerable, too. “I'm not even really all that mad at your jailbird husband either. I was just scared, and when I get scared, I skitter like a nervous little bug."

She shuts down.

She spirals.

She tries to put a smile on her face for the people who love her all the same.

And then she lies awake at night, drowning in the sheets of an empty bed.

Thinking about how she should probably tell someone that everything hurts.

But she’s Frankie, and she doesn’t do that.

Grace perpetually convinces herself that she doesn’t deserve honesty; Frankie has come to fear that no one wants her own.

“Were you scared of me?” Grace asks quietly, her grip so tight now that it almost stings.

“Frankie…” She presses when a few heartbeats of silence stagger by, limping painfully on all fours, pronouncing so many unspoken and profound hurts. 

“Of losing you, Grace,” she confesses, the words defeated and scraped raw. She forcefully tugs her hand away from Grace's just to temple her own hands together on her lap, to lick her sundry and shining wounds in a private corner. “I was scared of losing you, of being alone again in this big, empty house… and I don’t like being alone.”

She can’t bear to look at Grace as she says it, staring at the paint-flecked floor without ever really seeing it, her eyes burning.

She wishes they’d stop burning but feels the precise moment when they begin to leak anyway.

It’s all so embarrassing.

And childish.

Frankie is an eighty-year old woman, and she shouldn’t be upset over her best friend having a goddamn life.

She should be happy for her, fucking ecstatic.

And yet, she's—

But before she can complete the miserable thought, her body becomes aware of another sensation entirely—warm arms enveloping her from the side and inexorably pulling her in, turning the space that once existed between two bodies—between them—intangible, negligible.

Grace.

Shock turns into realization, and realization transforms into aching, sweeping relief.

It can only be Grace.

Grace’s soft lips pressed to her cheek.

Grace’s fingertips curling into the fabric of her dress.

Grace’s nose against her neck as she slides her sharp chin across her shoulder.

“I’m not leaving you, Frances Bergstein,” she declares. “Whatever happens between me and Nick, in the end, it’s going to be just you and me in this house that is our damn home. I swear that to you. I’d tell you every day just to prove it to you.”

Oh, these words.

These beautiful, tender, and long-needed-to-hear words.

They’re just words, she could tell herself again.

She could lie.

She could convince herself if she had to.

She could conveniently forget that Grace Hanson uses language carefully, that she employs every sentence with scalpel-like precision.

Or... more complicatedly still... Frankie could believe her.

Frankie could blindly accept these words for what they are, as manifest confirmation that she is loved by another—prioritized and cared for and needed.

She could be Grace’s partner and let that incredible word be electrically charged with so many complex and ridiculous and extraordinary ideas, none of which are traditional, and all of which feel true.

She could believe in her even if belief is not simple, even if belief is a product, first and foremost, of trust.

And Grace has certainly lost her trust before, but goddammit, she's earned it so many times, too.

“Oh, God,” Frankie laughs in such a way that it’s stupidly clear that she’s crying as Grace rubs slow circles into her back with her thumb. “This is all messed up. You’re the one with a house arrested, tax evading husband. I should be the one comforting you.”

“The house arrested, tax evading husband doesn’t particularly faze me,” Grace chuckles, her voice low. “Seeing you hurting and upset does. My priorities are remarkably straight.”

“I’m not sure you know the meaning of that word,” she smiles weakly as they slowly and clumsily begin to extricate themselves from their tangled embrace. 

It’s hard to find themselves again.

To be apart.

“But I do,” Grace protests, emphatic and indignant and maybe even a few shades righteously pissed. “You’re the person I wanna share this crazy life with at the end of the day and every day. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because every day is an incredibly long time to be with me,” Frankie offers meekly, giving her one more perfect and easily acceptable copout, a neatly packaged excuse. 

She can be too much.

She knows this.

“It’s just the right amount of time to be with you,” Grace murmurs, reaching up to brush an errant tear away from Frankie’s cheek, her thumb lingering, her quivering palm. “You’re kind enough to love me, and I’m lucky enough to be loved by you... so let me return the favor, Frankie. Let me be here for you."

And to Grace’s credit in this fleeting moment, she continues to hold Frankie.

It's a promise to never let her go.

[wonderlustlucas]

four - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt They say good things come in fours. Who? Couldn’t tell you, but they especially do during Christmas. Maybe that’s just Saint Nick. ⇢ pairing hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 11.7k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings swearing. mentions of alcohol & s e x. teenagerz being teenagerz. insane amount of fluff & stupidity. kind of ends w a smutty cliffhanger. ⇢ summary After suppressing how you felt about Hyunjin back in high school, you thought you were done going back on your feelings. Turns out, a little time apart, the spirit of Christmas, and an accidental nap is the perfect cocktail for falling in love with your best friend.—friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n hello & merry christmas! here is a gift for you all on this very merry day. also, thank you for 1,000 followers! that in itself is one of the best presents i could ask for. thank you for all your kindness & support on my blog & for following me in the first place! it truly means so much to me. i hope you enjoy reading! ♥︎

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Sorry! I just woke up

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Whats wrong fool

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Did u rlly think 12 texts were gonna wake me up?🤦🏻‍♂️ godt damn u on some WACK shit

You roll your eyes in time with each consecutive text that Hyunjin sends, waiting for the lock screen of your phone to blacken after reading them. He’s about as useless as pedals on a wheelchair, you think, ignoring the texts and forcing the device into the snug back pocket of your jeans before transferring the last two excessively packed grocery bags into the trunk of your car with an exhausted huff. Christ, if the bagging lady put one more item in those bags, she would be the one to blame for six cans of soup rolling about the parking lot.

The license plate rattles when you slam the trunk lid closed before hurrying around to the driver’s side and anxiously hopping inside to start blasting the heat. It is obnoxiously chilly for the first of September. Well, not really. Your body is just beginning to get used to the ungodly wrath of summer’s sweltering heat leaving you in a constant state of sweat and nausea for the past three months. Not that you’re complaining, of course. You nearly did somersaults of joy when the morning news reported a temperature of sixty-one degrees with some wind gusts and welcomed the beginning signs of autumn with open arms.

You would never admit to Mom who told yo uon the way out to change out of a tank top or at least wear a jacket, but yes— you are, in fact, cold. But now you have godsent warmth blowing from the vents and the seat warmer on its highest setting beginning to thaw away the goosebumps painted on your skin. Giving your arms one last rub, you lean up enough to retrieve your phone and open the conversation with Hyunjin.

[2:37 PM] YN: please. smell my balls

[2:37 PM] YN: nothings wrong btw. i was GOING to ask if u wanted any specific snacks for tn buttttt someone didn’t answer

[2:37 PM] YN: and excuse u i called too. i may be an idiot but im not stupid

[2:38 PM] YN: ik u would never hear a text when ur having wet dreams of yeji

You stop there with a smug smirk when the three dots on his side appear, knowing you’ve hit his funny bone with this one.

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Bruh

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇 :I’ve literally never have had a wet dream ab Yeji pls stop

You cannot fight your shit-eating grin, thumbs circling over the keyboard in thought as he apparently deletes whatever other text he was going to send when the three dots disappear.

[2:38 PM] YN: mmhmmmm

[2:38 PM] YN: because last time you slept over you weren’t whimpering her name in ur sleep

[2:38 PM] YN: sureeeee

You decide to end your teasing there and continue once you’re home. It is starting to get late, after all, and Mom will begin to worry that the creepy employee always in aisle sixteen has abducted you. Plus, you’re cruel and like to watch Hyunjin suffer. Switching the ringer off, you throw your phone into the cupholder and drastically lower the heat and turn off the seat warmer. It’s starting to feel like a sauna in here, and not in a fun way. Can’t understand how anyone enjoys hanging out in a sauna to begin with anyway, but to each their own, you guess.

In the five-minute drive it takes until you are pulling into the driveway, Hyunjin calls three times. He is incredibly peeved at your lack of a response to his distressed texts and still wound up from your text about Yeji. As if! You’re already a clown not realizing his ever-growing affections for you, but to think he had a crush on Yeji? You’re the whole damn circus!

By the time he calls a fifth time, now sat up on his elbow in bed and strumming an annoyed beat of his fingers at his thigh because he really just wants to yell at you for being the most annoying person alive (and maybe to hear your voice, too), you have brought in the last of the bags and look to Mom who has started to put the groceries away and expects you to half-heartedly do the same.

“It’s Hyunjin. He’s having an existential crisis because I haven’t answered his texts,” you explain to her, unenthusiastically holding your phone as it vibrates against your palm. Half of you wants her to ask to finish putting everything away first just so you can torture him even longer. Alas, such extravagant wishes are denied, because when it comes to Hyunjin, your parents would undoubtedly throw you under the bus just to keep that boy happy. And so, just like any other time, Mom’s undying love for Hyunjin has her dismissing you from the kitchen with a hearty laugh.

“Jesus Christ! What?” You hiss, halfway up the stairs when you tap to answer his call on the last ring.

“Wow! Look who finally decided to answer!” Hyunjin shouts back, the swoosh of his sheets once he finally falls back against his pillow again rustling all too loudly through the phone. “I was driving,” you spit, marching into your bedroom and collapsing against your bed, the same rustle of your blankets sounding loudly into his ear. “There’s a thing called the speaker, ___. Ever heard of it?” He retorts, evidently shutting you up and he knows he won this round if your silence is anything to go by.

“Whatever,” you groan, using all your toe strength to kick the sneakers off your feet by their soles, “what was so important that you couldn’t wait and had to call me five billion times?”

“I had a question. And you hurt my feelings.” Well, shit. You can practically hear and see his pout through the phone and your heart positively swells in your chest at how undeniably, unjustifiably cute he is. You sigh.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you about Yeji. I’m going to do it again but next time I promise I won’t pull the wet dream card,” you apologize frankly; because, in all honesty, it would be worse to say you are not going to do it again when you most certainly will. Bullying Hyunjin is fun, what can you say?

Hyunjin heaves an exasperated breath from his lungs because he knows there is no point in arguing with quite possibly the most sarcastic human he knows and that’s the best form of an apology he’s going to get. Whatever. He’ll make sure to wipe his morning snot and droll on your shirt in the morning. “Anyway,” he grumbles, in the background you hear Kkami bark from a few rooms over, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come over my place instead? I know your parents probably want to see me and stuff but mine are out of town for the night so we can sleep in my bed until like three without Mom waking us up to force feed breakfast.” You roll your eyes. Of course your parents want to see him.

“Plus, Mom just put that grey comforter I know you really like on my bed so we can cuddle all night and watch stuff on YouTube,” he quickly adds as a convincing afterthought. He’s really got his sales pitch going on this one. Truth is, you have only slept in his bed with that stupidly soft blanket twice last winter break, but it’s still sweet that he remembers how much you loved it (aka how quickly you fell asleep and how grumpy you were being woken up because it’s just that darn cozy). Either way, you would never pass up an opportunity to snuggle up with Hyunjin in the comfort of his own bed with his citrusy, floral scent on the pillows luring you to sleep.

“My Mom is going to be heartbroken, Hyunjin,” you tease, “but who cares. You had me sold at sleeping until three. Do you still want me to bring the snacks I got?”

“Oh, thank God. I love your Mom’s cooking but I haven’t left bed all day and I really want to keep it that way. And yes, please. I’ve been eating dry cereal for the past two hours.”

“Hyunjin, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“No. Didn’t you just hear me? I said I’ve been in bed all day. Eating cereal. When would I have brushed my teeth?”

“You’ve officially taken breakfast in bed to a whole new level, Jin. I’ll see you in a few hours. Oh, and please, you have no concept of personal space so make sure you brush your teeth before I come over.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love ya, bye,” Hyunjin promptly hangs up, probably eager to get back to binging whatever drama he’s watching before you lecture him about his hygiene again. Not that it matters, anyway; chances are, it went in one ear and right out the other and you’re going to drag him out of bed later to brush his teeth.

Damn. You didn’t even get the chance to say love you back. Not that it matters.

It doesn’t, you quickly shut down the pesky thought that keeps you up at night and force it back into the storage part of your brain labeled ‘Deal with Later,’ because, really, you’ll have to think about that later. It’s not that you don’t want to think about it yet… you just don’t have the time to stop and really figure out what your feelings toward Hyunjin actually are. Yeah. That’s it.

And now isn’t the time, you tell yourself, scooting up the mattress in order to bury your face in the pillows to suffocate the pounding throb in your head. Hyunjin is nothing special.

Well, no. That’s a lie. Everything about Hyunjin is special. Anyone with eyes, ears, even a nose can sense that. You had quickly found out just how wonderful he is when you met him freshman year of high school. At the time, he was everyone’s sweetheart by the first day, but it just so happened his eyes were all on you.

He was obviously adorable, and every class you had together he always made a point to talk to you and returned your sarcasm with an impressive level of expertise. So, when it came to him asking you to the first homecoming, the answer was yes without a second thought. But during the last slow dance of the night, with his hands gently holding your waist, he at last listened to his conscience and revealed that as much as he liked you, he truly did not want to date in high school. Or right then, at least. And honestly, you were glad; Hyunjin was quite possibly your favorite person you had met thus far, and you would have rather kept him as a friend than commit to a relationship the second month of school and risk losing him later down the road.

And boy, keep him as a friend you did. As it turned out, Hyunjin grew to be your truest, best friend in high school. Sure, you each had your own friend groups, but the two of you were the iconic pair everybody knew. But strictly platonic, despite the rumors and wishes that went around for the next four years. You like to think that neither of you ever developed feelings past what everyone feels toward their best friend— an innocent, wholesome sort of love.

But when had things changed? Hormones, as always, were definitely a big part of it. Hyunjin was always a cutie, but it wasn’t until he grew into his own skin and developed a newfound confidence did you start to see him differently. Until everyone saw him differently. Neither of you missed the way people stared him down, pupils dilating every time he ran his fingers through the black tufts of his hair, hearts aching for some sort of interaction. Or when you started attending parties, groups of girls would fling themselves at him in a blundering disarray, most of which he would turn down with a gentle dismissal that flew over their heads, too drunk to actually care.

But then there were times his dick made the decision for him, desperation and deprivation weighing in on him and you’d watch with a tight jaw as he’d leave the room with the pretty girl of the night skipping after him. You never realized it was only on those nights did you wind up in the back seat of Han Jisung’s car.

But even after the physical attraction sizzled out over time, things were not the same. Hyunjin wasn’t your hidden little treasure anymore. All eyes were set on him and it took more than a glass of water to swallow your jealousy. But why? Why were you so resentful all of a sudden?

It’s hard to share Hwang Hyunjin, you decided. Once established that you were his main hoe and he was yours, it became a significant burden watching others try and get in between. Not that they did it with a malicious attempt to separate you, but it still hurt. You’re selfish, and you admit it— Hyunjin, quite frankly, is the love of your life. Romantic or not, nothing could change your feelings toward him. It goes beyond his unfathomable beauty and spunky personality. Everything about him from his nose to his hands, to his distaste for onions and the way his face scrunches up when he lets out that giggle of his and even to the way he prefers to sleep against the wall but will force you to when you’re over so he can “protect you in case there’s a monster” all mount into this big, giant section of your heart set aside for Hyunjin.

So despite your efforts to ignore the pang of jealousy each time he would find a potential someone or the joy whenever he’d find his way back because “they kept wanting to hang out in the morning even though I said I don’t wake up before noon,” this Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart seems to only grow the longer you ignore it. Kind of like every medical condition out there: the longer you ignore it, the worse it gets. So, basically Hyunjin is your heart disease.

Yikes. Sounds a lot worse when you try putting it into words.

Well, he won’t be your heart defect for long if he keeps ruining those pearly whites of his by only brushing once just before bed, you chuckle to yourself, rolling to your side at the sudden lack of oxygen between your face and the pillow. There’s a fleeting moment without thought when you unconsciously reach for your phone to check for any notifications before the fattest revelation of them all falls from the ceiling and smacks you right upside the face.

Shit. Looks like you’ve gone right ahead and totally dissected each and every fiber of your feelings for Hyunjin.

Blinking up at the ceiling, the weight of your emotions isn’t as heavy as you expected them to be. Instead, it’s more of a breath of fresh air, as if you have finally accepted the way things fell instead of ignoring them. Your feelings for Hyunjin have always been there. It just took a little effort to get them out.

Nevertheless, it is going to be difficult hanging out with him in a few hours with your exposed emotions still needing to be processed. Especially when he will pull you to his side and keep you nestled there the entire night. Rubbing your temples, you realize it will take some serious self-control to put everything on the back burner and just enjoy the time spent with Hyunjin.

Sighing, you check the time on your phone again. 3:21 and a text from Hyunjin asking if you could bring green tea.

“Mom!” You yell, defeated. “You were right!”

You used to think Hyunjin lived far away. Truthfully, he’s only fifteen minutes away if you go ten over the speed limit. But the only way to get to his house entails driving through the chaos of the mall and town center, which adds an extra ten minutes sitting through traffic no matter the time of day.

Now, Hyunjin’s college campus is two hours away. Well, technically five from you, since you’re almost three hours away in the opposite direction. So you’re lucky if you get to see him once a month with how hectic school becomes and how difficult it is trying to plan to come home the same weekend. Fortunately, it has worked out this semester. And while you should spend this time with your families, they know how much you crave one another’s company as the weeks drag on. The twenty-two minutes it takes getting to each other’s homes is totally worth it.

You expect Hyunjin to tell you to use the key hidden underneath the resin meditating frog statue in the front garden to unlock the front door when you text him you have arrived, but to your utmost surprise, he’s there, awake, to open the door for you.

“Stinky!” You yell, dropping your things on the floor to burry yourself in his embrace, standing on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck in order to really get the full experience of hugging your favorite giant. “Poopy!” He shouts in return, long arms winding tightly around your waist and even going so far as to lift you up a few inches. God. Hate when he does that.

“Why are you up? I thought I’d have to let myself in with you sleeping all your problems away,” you ask, smiling gratefully when he bends down to pick up your bag. “I realized Kkami hadn’t been out all day, so I came down to let him out and find actual food,” Hyunjin explains as he makes way into the kitchen, opening the back door to let said dog back inside. “Aw, poor thing,” you pout, squatting to scratch at Kkami’s neck when he zooms faster than the speed of light to you, “does that mean you brushed your teeth?”

“I did, actually,” Hyunjin snorts right back, scrunching his nose at you before turning away to open the fridge. Sitting on the floor with Kkami in your lap, you take the opportunity to finally get a good look at Hyunjin now that he’s distracted. And of course, he looks good. Really good. Last time you saw him he still was a brunette, a look he rocked during the spring and summer months. This is the first time you’ve seen the freshly dyed black hair in person. Even though he always looks handsome, something about Hyunjin with black hair completely changes his aura. Brings back memories of how badly you wanted him in high school. You shiver at the thought.

And, to top it all off, how he manages to stay in such disgustingly good shape despite his atrocious eating habits never ceases to amaze you. Like, come on. The boy eats worse than a raccoon seven days out of the week, lives off boba, works out maybe five times a month, dances in his free time and still keeps his body in tiptop shape. God, you hate him. His pediatrician probably hates him, too. You even go as far as to sniff the fries in your dining hall and you gain five pounds.

Even now, he looks unnecessarily regal in the baggy material of his sweatpants and flannel. And the warmth of his kitchen’s ambient lighting does nothing to suppress the heavy thumping of your heart. So casual is his dress, yet how immaculate he looks rummaging the cabinets for a snack.

“Are you hungry?” He asks, the familiar softness of his voice shaking you from your daze as he closes the refrigerator door after his unsuccessful search. Here’s the thing: you really aren’t hungry, but Hyunjin clearly is, so if you say no then all he will be thinking about is food until you decide that you are hungry. “Yeah,” is what you say, nudging Kkami off your crossed legs to stand, “I brought green tea and a few snacks, but we could order Chinese food or something. The place near Dunkin’ and the gas station makes bubble tea now, too.”

Hyunjin’s brows shoot up, flashing his boxy smile. “Is it good?”

“I mean, I’ve only had their pork dumplings and mango tea before, and it was pretty good. I don’t know about their noodles or anything, though,” you shrug, moving to stand beside him at the kitchen island. Distracted by Kkami trying to jump onto the sofa in the living room, you don’t look to Hyunjin until the poor dog is successful in doing so. Startled to find him already gazing down at you, your heart truly is not prepared for him to go right ahead and wrap his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. Totally not freaking out or trying to overthink his need to constantly cling, you justify his actions by quickly recalling the time he said, “My head is too godtdamn big for my godtdamn body.” More like his head is too heavy because instead of a brain it’s just a chunk of cement up there. He just needs to rest his head sometimes.

Yeah.

“Mm, I don’t know,” Hyunjin hums, swaying your body with his to an unheard tune. By now, any coherent thought has dissipated into thin air and all you can do is melt against him. “Why?” You manage.

“’Cus if we order anything that means I’ll have to get up and get it.”

“Oh my God, Hyunjin, really?” You laugh. Your hands naturally glide to where his are linked at your stomach, pressing to interlock your fingers overtop his. “If that’s the only reason for your uncertainty than I could always come get it, idiot.”

“No! It’s okay,” Hyunjin says, jumping back before you can even process it, “I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Ohhh ‘kay,” you laugh breathlessly, whiplashed by the whole thing. Good thing you aren’t hungry, because when was the last time Hyunjin turned down food? Blinking at him precariously, he doesn’t seem to notice until one too many seconds of silence pass by.

“C’mon,” he demands excitedly, jumping back into reality, “my roommate told me to watch this anime called Soul Eater but I wanted to watch it with you.” Once again, before anything can even register past every single That Was Cute™ alarm ringing in your brain, Hyunjin is grabbing your bag and reaching for your hand, leading you out of the kitchen and upstairs.

You and Hyunjin binge aforementioned anime until he falls asleep first around 2 AM, only stopping to order food an hour in (he’s an indecisive man indeed), to get up to retrieve it, and to actually eat while catching up. For most of the night, you are able to forget the way his heartbeat against your back mirrored your own in the kitchen. But then, a little while after you fall asleep yourself, Hyunjin unconsciously shifts closer and you spend another hour blinking at his relaxed hand twitching against your abdomen, trying to keep the hurricane inside your heart at bay.

You can’t make it home October. Hyunjin texted you to let you know he was going to be the third weekend in, and you tried desperately to manage your time in order to make it work. But one group project in chem lead to another paper in psych and before you knew it, your roommate was listening to you sob over a boy and curse out your classes.

September left you emotionally wrecked, to be totally honest. You hate Hyunjin and you hate the way he makes you feel and you especially hate how realizing you have a crush on him makes you unsure if everything he does is his way of hinting he feels the same or if he’s always been this touchy and you are just now recognizing it. So, missing a month of seeing your favorite human being essentially means missing another day of trying to decipher which actions of his go in the Friend list, and which go in the Questionable list. And that, my friend, is unacceptable.

You absolutely cannot not go home this month. November is the calm before the storm (the storm being exams looming the second week of December), and while it would be beneficial maybe staying on campus to continue preparing, you tell yourself going home will be just as helpful. Mental breaks, and stuff. Totally not just to see Hyunjin.

Either way, Hyunjin asks you if you would join him on the seventeenth to go to his second cousin’s christening and you absolutely cannot say no when you know how bored Hyunjin gets at family events when they aren’t for him. And so, fast forward to the third Sunday of November and you are ready to pass out ten minutes after entering the church.

“I’m so happy for you two! I always knew you would last into college,” one of Hyunjin’s aunts exclaims, pinching your cheeks but the only pinch you feel is that of your heart.

Clearly she is misinformed, or just prone to jumping to conclusions but yet again, you can’t really blame her with how couple-y you and Hyunjin are. Past the single tunnel vision of your gaze, you watch her smile falter when Hyunjin goes rigid beside you and oh my God this is the most embarrassing moment of my life, his whole family thinks we’re dating and here we are still stuck in each other’s friendz—

“I’m glad you think so, imo,” Hyunjin suddenly picks up, sneaking an arm around to rest his hand on your hip, tugging you close, “I don’t know what I’ll do if she ever decides to leave me.”

It’s nice to think that he means it, to imagine that you are here not as a tag-along but to join him in a family ceremony because you are part of the family. The thought turns your blood to sugar and everything surrounding you falls apart; you listen to the rest of their conversation without processing it, the precise detailing in the marble pillars blurs into a mass of white, and you still feel his strong hold on the curve of your waist yet you are lost in the swam of possibilities.

How lovely it would be to live up to her assumption. To ‘last into college’ as a couple, not as best friends. To be able to call him yours even when you’re not together, to come home and kiss his lips, to sleep in his bed and it mean more than the laziness of blowing up the air mattress. At some point, he leads you into the third pew to sit beside his parents, and when you greet them with a hug all you can think about is them viewing you as more than their son’s friend.

God, you hate it.

You’re not as religious as Hyunjin and his family. But for the first time in years, you find yourself looking to the crucifix during the service and praying to whoever is up there to give you some strength and patience, because Lord do you need it.

Hyunjin is a funny guy.

Or so he thinks.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. It’s just— compared to your friends Minho or Changbin, he isn’t at the top of the list. When you think of Hyunjin, the first words that pop up are soft, loud, and dramatic.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. He’s just weird.

Insanely, ridiculously weird. For example, the time he called Jeongin a vitamin. Or the time he slapped half a bottle of sunscreen on his face. Or his random bouts of dancing at inappropriate moments. Just to name a few.

After the Baptism, Hyunjin acted like nothing happened. Didn’t even bring it up. Not even a joke. After the ceremony, you joined his family for a luncheon, which just involved the two of you being weird and making peculiar dancing videos on SnapChat with the swirly filter and complaining about school for a few hours until he drove you home. Obviously you stopped for food again on the way.

But that was it. Things went on as normal, and you returned to campus later that night and forced the whole experience to the back of your brain. It was officially grind season, and grind season meant studying for exams. No parties. No boys. And certainly no Hyunjin.

You both were home for winter break in the blink of an eye. And in normal Hyunjin style, he sort of vanished for the first week. Probably catching up on his strict sleeping schedule, you presumed, and accepted the fact that it was going to be a few days before you saw or even heard from him. The only anticipation you felt was wanting to give him his Christmas gift.

After what seems like an eternity away from Hyunjin, you get out of the shower on this fine Saturday before Christmas to find a slew of texts from him.

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Aloha mamacita

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: How do u feel about getting froyo tn

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can get fat and then u can sleepover aaaand

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can stare at the wall for a few hours

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: And

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: *cough*

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Exchange Jesus gifts

See? Weird. Who wants froyo when it’s thirty degrees out?

[5:53 PM] YN: “aloha mamacita”

[5:53 PM] YN: uHmmmMMM

[5:53 PM] YN: im down mr president

[5:54 PM] YN: why do u want ice cream in winter tho. don’t u want like

[5:54 PM] YN: hot chocolate or seomthing

Obviously not. Two hours later, Hyunjin arrives to pick you up for froyo despite all your efforts in convincing him maybe you could take the train to the city and watch a light show, or simply drive around and swoon over the rich people houses and their Christmas decorations. He didn’t budge. This leads you to your second question of the day: why is it that when you threw on sweats for the occasion you called yourself a hag, but upon entering Hyunjin’s car you make a mental note of how hot he looks when he’s wearing the same exact thing? You groan at the thought. It’s because it’s Hyunjin, of course.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” he greets, flicking your forehead once you settle into the seat of his Subaru WRX because he’s a hotshot and likes to flex that he can drive a manual. Not really— the car is absolute garbage by now, having been his Dad’s old car (his Dad likes to flex too, apparently). However, Hyunjin takes care of it enough for it to seem five years old instead of ten, and, either way, watching him work the stick shift is unexplainably hot.

You swat his hand away. “Drive, bitch,” you huff, twisting to buckle yourself in. Once he’s reversed out of your driveway, you glance back to find him fighting against a devilish smirk.

“So,” you start once he has navigated out of your neighborhood. His brow twitches up. “Are you taking Hawaiian and French at school? You’ve been throwing quite a lot of languages at me recently.” Hyunjin shoots you an unamused look. You return it with a wrinkle of your nose.

“Anyway,” he ignores your teasing, pausing to switch gears for whatever reason so he can make it through a yellow light, “how did your exams go?”

“Well, you know…” You trail off, looking to your window. It feels a lot later than eight o’clock. With it getting dark so early in the evening nowadays, it feels as if nighttime is always following you.

“You know… what?” Hyunjin interrupts your daze, concern laced in his voice. “They were fine. I passed everything, I’m just worried about my major,” you explain sadly, barely glancing at him before you are turning back to the window to stare at the moon. Must be nice being a moon. Just get to hang out in the sky watching everyone and being watched.

“I mean, if you want to switch, now’s the time. Better do it now before the second semester,” Hyunjin advises, wise as always. Not really, but he’s right. “What are you thinking of going into?”

Yikes. He’s going to kill you.

“Nursing,” you blurt.

“Oh my Lanta, ___, are you serious?” He groans, stopping at a convenient red light presenting the perfect opportunity for him to smack his forehead on the wheel. Dramatic. “How are you gonna manage that? You’ll practically be two years behind everyone else!”

“I know,” you sigh, throwing your head back on the headrest, “that’s the problem. Bio just isn’t doing it for me. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life in a lab watching mitosis. I need something more rewarding, so theoretically nursing is a perfect start. I don’t know, though.”

“Why don’t you switch to interior design or something? We could get our own HGTV show, ___,” he says, but you don’t meet his gaze when he glances over because beneath his words, you can sense some serious hopefulness. Interior design would be cool, but you’ve never considered that as a career choice. You once helped your parents pick out everything when they redid a bathroom at home and that turned out great, but as a major?

“I don’t know, man. I’ll have to talk to my counselor about it, I guess,” you shrug, pulling the hood of your sweatshirt over your head and tightening the drawstrings until the material covers your eyes, “why can’t you audition to be a K-pop star or something? I could be your manager. Heck, even your makeup artist. I’ve done your makeup before, remember?”

Hyunjin laughs, loud, and the sound sinks deep into your heart and makes you feel warm all over. Stress? Gone.

For the next few minutes or so, the ride is comfortably quiet. At some point, he turns on the radio and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” floods your brain and reminds you to look forward to exchanging Christmas gifts later. God, you hope he likes it. You really went out on the sentimental gifts this year.

Hood shielding your vision, you jump when his large hand suddenly comes to grab the top of your head, squeezing hard and you imagine he’s trying to press some hopefulness into your brain. “Hand on the penis stick, Hwang,” you bark, blindly reaching for his own head across the way and pulling his ear when you do so. Good Lord, you hope no one can see into the car because… what.

Hyunjin lets out a giggle this time, reaching to pull you into a headlock and even though he’s got your head shoved up against his sturdy chest and goes on to give you a noogie, you’re stuck being all high and loopy on the sound of his happiness. And hey, it’s nice to know you’re the cause of it.

“We’re literally parked, idiot. If you had your hood down you would’ve realized,” Hyunjin snickers, releasing you after watching you struggle for a few seconds. Jerking away from him, you swiftly pull back your hood. “Oh,” you laugh, reading the flashy Yogo Factory sign above the building in front of you, “you could’ve just told me instead of watching me bask in misery.”

Hyunjin suitably ignores your moaning and groaning by getting out of the car and standing in front of the car, illuminated by the headlights. Why? Why must he look so scrumptious in his black hoodie and grey sweatpants and four-year-old white Nike sneakers? He has no gosh darn right!

After fixing the mess he made of your hair, you at last join him outside the car, shooting him another glare and moving ahead of him to open the shop’s door without waiting for him. “From now on, we have to start texting each other what we’re wearing before we go out, ‘cus this looks a little ri-donk-ulous,” Hyunjin whispers in your ear as you make your way to the cup selection, trying to ignore all the stares you— no, he is getting along the way.

“What do you mean?” You ask, plucking two medium sized cups up before turning to look at him. Then you look down at yourself. Oh. Looks like you’re both wearing the hoodie from junior spirit week. “Nice.” Just Couple Things™!

Back to Hyunjin being weird— why did he drag you all the way out here just to get a cup of chocolate frozen yogurt and maybe half a scoop of peanut butter chips?

Meanwhile, he watches in absolute disgust as you blow through your own dessert. Vanilla yogurt with probably every topping offered because you physically cannot make a decision, especially when they have chunks of cookie dough up there.

“So,” Hyunjin starts, trying not to look you in the eye considering you look like a goblin shoveling globs of diabetes down your throat, “have you talked to Jisung recently?”

You choke on a Fruity Pebble at his inquiry, prompting him to reach across the table and slap your back a few times until your esophagus is cleared. “Ugh,” clearing your throat one last time, you take a few sips of water while shooting him a glare. Jisung? Really? “How dense are you?” You hiss unintentionally.

Hyunjin raises his hands in defense. “Just a question.”

Yeah, just a question. Dumbass. “I mean,” you laugh awkwardly, “not really. We have a streak on Snap and sometimes we’ll talk occasionally but I don’t text him every day or anything. How about you?”

He shrugs, concentrating instead on stirring his yogurt into a goopy mess. “Eh. We still use our group chat a lot but that’s it. He’s too busy making music in Malaysia.”

You chuckle at this, picking out the boba from your own cup and leaving the rest now that it has started to look like something sold at the Chum Bucket. “That sucks,” you offer, not the best at giving him consolidation, you opt for linking your feet around his own in some weird act of intimacy, “isn’t he coming home for the holidays, though? I’m sure you can all have a reunion soon.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyunjin hums, suddenly too focused on trying to escape your trap under the table. Annoyed Hyunjin is cute. “Stoooop,” he whines, kicking at your shins before breaking into boisterous laughter at your relentlessness, “I will not hesitate to throw this cup at your face.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoff, “I’d like to see you try.”

At this, Hyunjin drops his stupidly long arms beneath the table and easily captures your foot by the ankle, pulling hard enough for you to slip down your side of the booth. “Hyunjin!” You shriek, panicking slightly at your sweaty hand’s insecure grip against the leather. You’re going to fall. You’re going to fall flat on your ass underneath a table at a frozen yogurt place because the boy you like pulled your foot too hard. Fantastic. Ignoring you, he starts to wiggle your shoe off your foot no matter how hard you try to squirm out of his relentless grip. “Stop trying to eat my toes in the middle of Yogo!”

Finally, he releases your foot, letting it fall limp against his thigh.

“God,” you huff, breathless as you squirm back up your seat, cheeks burning ferociously, “you are such an ass.”

Behind the playful smirk he fails to hide, something darker glints in Hyunjin’s eyes and it makes your heart skip a beat. Then, “We should go.” The suggestion makes the heat of your blush scorch even hotter down your neck and you instinctively turn away, only to find the customers on the other side of the shop watching you with just as perturbed looks. Fantastic, part two.

“Okie,” you squeak out, blinking after him in complete and total bewilderment as to what just happened when he gets up to throw his trash away. Whatever. Following after him, you too toss your cup out before quickly finding your hand engulfed by his larger one as he leads you back outside, the sudden sharpness of the cold air bringing tears to your eyes. You desperately want to ask him what that was about, or why he’s acting so sneaky, but you stay silent, too afraid your voice will come out shaky and vulnerable. Instead, you let him tug you into his side and try to keep up with him no matter how badly your knees threaten to buckle with each glance you sneak up at him.

It’s silent when you enter the car, watching warily as he reverses out of the parking spot and maneuvers through the lot. Your heart rate seemingly cannot slow itself down, adrenaline taking the place of oxygen the longer you stare at him, at the concentrated scrunch to his face, at the cute tip of his button nose and at the swell of his lips and you distantly wonder what would happen if you pulled him into a kiss at the next red light.

In the midst of your daydream Hyunjin clears his throat, bringing you back to reality and you realize with a startle that he has caught you. Jesus Christ! What has gotten into you? You mentally smack yourself upside the head, instantly turning away from his cocky little gaze and staring straight ahead in search of something else to focus on. “___,” he sing-songs, slow and sensual and entirely demolishing the walls you have built around yourself. It is at this red light you wish to simply open the door and run.

“Yes?” You manage, wincing at how small your voice sounds and while looking out his window instead of into his eyes, you notice him grip the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. The tension is insurmountable, weighing in heavily on your chest and you desperately wish to arrive home, even though that means having to survive the next twelve hours with him. Anything is better than the small confines of his car.

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks, cool as a cucumber. You pale. It is a dangerous question and you do not know if he realizes that. “Um,” you cough, scooting to sit up straight, “whatever you want.” You whisper the last part, genuinely petrified because you have absolutely no idea if your brain is twisting everything to make it seem like Hyunjin is flirting or if things are totally normal. No idea.

“Hm,” he offers, tilting his head in thought, “we shall see.”

Yeah. We shall.

The rest of the ride is quiet, comfortably or uncomfortably you cannot say because you are too busy trying to calm the Spongebob burning office scene occurring inside your own head, hopelessly telling yourself that everything is fine, Hyunjin’s fine, you’re fine. Just pretend like nothing happened, you tell yourself when Hyunjin pulls into his driveway with practiced ease. “Ugh,” he groans after retrieving your bag from the back seat, and you watch with a raised brow as he skips up to his porch, yelling, “I have to pee!”

“Begone with you, piss boy,” you tease, holding the screen door open for him as he struggles to unlock the storm door and pulling on one of his hoodie’s drawstrings just to annoy him. “Stop,” he growls, low and playful but nevertheless sending a swarm of butterflies to your tummy. You ignore him. Finally unlocking the door, Hyunjin shoves the keys into his pocket and seizes your wrist, yanking your arm down with enough force to nearly topple you into him. “Why are you being so annoying tonight?” He frowns at you, nose and brows scrunched in irritation and it is only because of his proximity do you finally soften up.

“Sorry,” you pout back, bringing your other hand up to boop his nose, “I just missed ya.”

“Ew,” he snorts, stepping past the threshold and kicking off his shoes. You follow suit, closing the door behind you and clicking the lock into place as Kkami comes sprinting over. “B-R-B,” Hyunjin announces, presumably bouncing away to the bathroom.

“Oh, boy,” you huff, squatting to pick up the fluffy little dog and hugging him close to your chest, “your dad is making my life very difficult.” Pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, you put Kkami back down and grab your bag before heading upstairs, knowing Hyunjin is going to take his grand old time and probably take a shit while he’s at it. Plus, you’re impatient and dying to take your bra off.

Aside from what light his Gudetama nightlight offers, Hyunjin’s room is ultimately left dark. Here’s the thing: he used to have a lamp on his dresser, but then he took it with him to college and only brings it home for summer because he’s lazy and sleeps the majority of the time he’s home, anyway. Instead, he put up his little remote-controlled Christmas tree in addition to the lava lamp he has beside his bed. Perfect. For Hyunjin, at least.

Switching both of these on, their subtle glow offers just enough to keep you from banging your toe against something. It’s happened one too many times. Hyunjin’s room isn’t messy— he really isn’t a messy person to begin with, but he will reorganize the furniture in his room fifty times a year and you never know where the crooked leg to his bedside table will be to ambush your pinky toe.

Setting your bag onto his bed, you excitedly fumble past all your layers and unclasp your bra, maneuvering out of it with a delighted exhale just as Hyunjin begins his ascent up the stairs, steps creaking loudly under his heavy trudging. “I’m an idiot,” he grumbles, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath.

You don’t bother to look at him, opting to quickly retort instead, “We been knew.”

“Ugh,” Hyunjin groans, exasperated, and you finally turn to him after successfully jamming aforementioned undergarment into your bag, “anyways. I don’t know why I didn’t just come up here, because I have to wash my face anyway and you do too and now we’re both going to have to share a sink.”

“Aw,” you coo, tone dripping with sarcasm as you pat his arm, “poor baby has to share the bathroom.”

“I’m actually going to strangle you,” he sighs, nevertheless following after you into the bathroom.

“Kinky.”

Hyunjin glares, unamused as he opens a drawer for his pink bow hairband and your striped pink and blue one that he bought for you, but keeps here for sleepovers. Yeah. He throws it to your face. “Sorry,” you offer, pulling the soft headband up to hold your hair back, “I’ll try to stop. I’m just so used to annoying you.”

“Clearly,” he scoffs, flashing his stupidly cute teasing smile and in your head, you imagine raising a white flag in surrender— he’s got you, he’s won, it’s over. Time to call it quits and head home. Evidently shut up (for now), you offer him a roll of your eyes before turning on the sink to wet your hands before pumping out some of his scrumptious watermelon face wash. Maybe if you scrub hard enough, you’ll manage to rinse away all the overwhelming thoughts of the night, too.

Barefaced Hyunjin is immaculate. Well, Hyunjin is immaculate twenty-four hours out of the day, but barefaced, freshly washed, hair messy, ready for bed Hyunjin is immaculate, and you are one of the few people lucky enough to see this eighth wonder of the world as often as you do.

Now, maybe it has something to do with the unexpected ambiance the light from his laptop, Christmas lights, and lava lamp have created together that makes him look so unfairly beautiful at this given moment. Or, you’re just insanely pussywhipped and looking for an excuse. You try not to think about it.

“Why are you so squirmy tonight?” He asks, frustrated enough to interrupt Kermit singing ‘Shawty I don’t mind’ playing from his laptop. “I’m not,” you defend, a weak argument indeed, given that you have just finished adjusting your position beside him for the umpteenth time.

“I mean, four female Ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over! I’m an ad—”

“___, you’ve touched my dick like four times. Don’t try and tell me you’re not squirmy. What’s wrong?” Hyunjin interrupts a second Vine, and even goes on to talk over ‘I have the power of God and anime on my side!’ like a lunatic. Oh Christ, you have? Surely you would have noticed. “Sorry,” you mumble, embarrassed as you bury your face into the curve of his pectoral and instinctively move your leg settled between his away, “I’m just hot, to be honest.” Technically, it is not a lie. Hyunjin’s family definitely keeps their thermostat at a higher temperature than yours and you always manage to sweat your ass off every time you come over. This time, however, you are certain it has more to do with the assault your heart is facing rather than your sweat glands.

At the sound of his tap against the spacebar to pause the video, you wordlessly and reluctantly sit up from your comfortable spot beside him in order to rid yourself of your heavy sweatshirt. Now, here lies the problem. Sweatshirt: off. Nipples: out. Realistically, Hyunjin has seen your boobs a number of times over the past few years, and even if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But right now, your heart is on the line, you’re embarrassed and you’re trying to play it extremely safe.

You toss the hoodie to the floor and nestle right back where you were anyway, slinging your right arm over his torso and ignoring his sharp intake of breath when you snuggle closer. “Better?” He asks, voice strained and it literally makes you nauseous. “Yep.”

He resumes the video. You had started early in the night watching Pom Poko, which unsurprisingly ended with the two of you crying at the bittersweet ending, then moved to TikTok compilations on YouTube to cheer up before moving on from them and onto the classic Vine compilations. You paid good attention for the most part, chuckling along with him to ‘What up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read,’ ‘Bruh chill, I don’t know why you in a big time rush,’ and all the other absolute comedic masterpieces. But after the fourth or fifth video of the same six second clips with an occasional rare one, you began to grow bored and decided to do what you do best: admire Hyunjin.

Sure, ‘Come get yo juice!’ followed by the loud smash of the oven made you smile, but you found the flashing lights casting shadows beneath Hyunjin’s eyes and lips much more fascinating. Of course, this is not the first time you have been held so close to him. But it is, however, all too easy to get lost in the sight of him and you’ve noticed recently that you are in desperate need of a map. Whether it’s due to your time away from him or simply an appreciation for untouched beauty you do not know.

Even now, your gaze flickers to his laptop once you hear ‘Get to Del Taco,’ but having already watched it five thousand times you tilt your head upward to catch Hyunjin’s silent giggle at ‘free-sha-voca-do.’ It’s a vicious cycle, really, going back and forth between wanting to simply enjoy the night and realizing enjoying the night lies totally in Hyunjin’s presence. And so, you continue to fall into this trap each time until you pay no mind to the videos at all, basking in the brilliance of Hyunjin’s joyous smile and the warmth his happiness makes you feel. It is this thought that slowly tugs you to sleep, a fight to keep your heavy eyelids open lost until finally, you give in to the comfort and allow yourself to drift off to the sound of ‘Step the fuck up, Kyle.’

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

“___,” the softness of Hyunjin’s voice at the crown of your head eases you from the clutches of sleep and you stretch your locked limbs before curling further into his side. “We didn’t open presents.” Even though you can’t see him, you can hear his pout, and you realize you must be awake to hear the disappointed words caught sluggishly between his lips so vividly. You hum, hesitant to open your eyes because you really want to go back to sleep. Just for a little while. And so, you ask, “What time is it?”

“Just past two,” he whispers.

You hum again, trying to formulate a sensible sentence in the parts of your brain still asleep, “We can… wake up at four. And open gifts. Okay?”

“Okay, weirdo,” Hyunjin chuckles to himself, sliding lower down the mattress after shutting his laptop.

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

You can’t remember ever falling asleep facing each other. But yet again, your brain is clouded beyond capability and now, you know for certain you are dreaming. Hyunjin never faces you.

Blinking slowly, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the impenetrable darkness and you struggle to make out the features of Hyunjin’s face. You know you are dreaming, and so you tug him closer, throwing a leg over his thigh and an arm over his waist. Even in your sleep, you feel the sadness pricking at your heart, for even it knows this is only what dreams are made of. You like to make the best of it.

“You know I love you, Jinnie, right?” Your voice comes out funny, drawn out and mumbled like your tongue is numb and you fight the urge to feel for yourself.

“Of course I do. I love you too.” His reply surprises you. You thought he was asleep and, either way, hearing such fond words from him puts your heart at ease. He must be misunderstood.

“No. I mean like… I like you, love you. Like I want to kiss you… kiss you good morning and before bed love you. Send you hearts and take stupid couple pics and… go on dumb dates love you. You know?” Your words feel garbled and incomprehensible the longer you go on, trying to express how you feel when nothing is real proving to be increasingly difficult. God, if only you could do it when things are real.

You start to feel yourself slipping as he mutters a reply, mind in free fall and fuck, fuck, fuck, he’s whispering and you can’t hear him but you are too tired and helpless to wake yourself up to hear it. No, too lost in the next dream to go back. You can’t tell what is real and what isn’t. Christ, were you awake? You can’t tell. All you know is that you are warm, so, so warm and letting sleep take over you once more is the best answer to all your questions.

Hyunjin always says he hates waking people up. Because he’s normally the one needing to be awoken, whenever the roles are swapped he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

This time, however, he takes it upon himself to repeatedly smack your face with his pillow. Not a fun experience when it’s coming from someone who fails to recognize his own strength. “Jesus, fuck! Okay!” You hiss, the cloud of sleep abruptly ripped away from you with the slap of his pillow against your skin. Arms raised defensively in front of you, you catch his next swing and tear the pillow out of his grasp to shield yourself all before you have even opened your eyes. When you do so, with the blatant intention just to find where he is and hurl the pillow at him, you are met with the harsh light from his ceiling fan and have to squint past the stinging white light to see his shit-eating grin.

“Was that necessary?” You groan, undeniably annoyed and wanting to glare at him more but needing to rub the ache out of your eyes. “Yes,” is all he says, reaching for your bag and catapulting it to you. He is incredibly lucky you are quick enough to catch it before it thumps against your head. What has gotten into him? Did he eat an entire bag of Pixy Stix while you were asleep? You watch, still dazed from sleep and reeling from the whole pillow smacking attack, as he flings open his closet door and turns back around with two neatly wrapped boxes. You squint to make out the dancing Santa T-rex wrapping paper.

“Oh,” you chirp, understanding, and you unzip your bag to retrieve the large box taking up the majority of space, “thanks for waking me up. I’m surprised you remembered. Did you stay up?”

A rosy blush burns its way across his cheekbones. Odd. “I, um— yeah. No, actually,” he stutters, really odd, given he was bouncing off the walls not even thirty seconds ago, “I set an alarm. You made me sleepy.” Hyunjin sits beside you once you have scooted over, leaning against the wall and crossing his long ass legs. He keeps his eyes trained on the boxes in his hands. “Oh,” you hum, looking to your own gift and suddenly wishing for the mattress to swallow you up, “sorry. I haven’t gotten as much sleep as you on break so far.”

“I don’t think anyone ever has,” he jokes and you finally look to him, sharing a cheeky smile before he gets all shy again, tongue darting out to wet his lips, “um, Merry Christmas, ___.”

It’s a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell. “Merry Christmas to you too, Hyunjin.” Leaning over, you wrap your arms around his shoulders in an awkward side hug, but still end up feeling all drunk and loopy on love when he eagerly returns the gesture, arms curling around you.

“Okay,” you huff, sitting back, “me first.” You dramatically hold your gift out to him, jittery and nervous all over. Buying for Hyunjin is always hard. He’s just so easy to please, but when you want to do more than just please him it’s a constant battle trying to decide how far out you are going to go for him each year.

You watch impatiently as he tears the wrapping paper open first, and then finally lifts the flaps of the box up. “Aw,” he whimpers, pulling out the quokka plushie and attached certificate, “you adopted a quokka for me?”

You grin when he hugs the soft stuffed animal to his chest, the weight on your shoulders partly lifted from his positive reaction. He reaches back into the box, brow scrunched in thought as he regards the framed picture. “The First Day…?” Hyunjin asks, perplexed as he reads the title above the constellation poster. You scoot closer, leaning over to look it over once more. “This was the constellation of stars on our first day of freshman year. The day we first met.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin sniffs, “that’s really awesome, ___. Thank you. This is coming with me to school.” At this, he hugs you again, probably to hide the tears you know are threatening to spill because Hyunjin is Baby and cries every year. “Anything for my favorite fake Aussie,” you smile, leaning your head on his shoulder as he reads through the quokka adoption letter.

“Okay! Your turn!” He exclaims, setting his gifts back into the box and passing you the smaller one of his. He catches your curious glance to the second one he keeps by his side. “We have to open this one together.”

“Christ, okay. Looks like I’m gonna be crying tonight, too,” you sigh sadly. “Ooh,” jumping ahead of yourself, you wiggle your eyebrows at the white box before you, “Hyunjin if you bought me a Fitbit… I swear to God. How many times have I said I am not working out with you?” However, once you finish tearing open the wrapping paper you find it is not, in fact, a Fitbit.

“It’s not a Fitbit, idiot,” Hyunjin scoffs a second too late, waiting for you to slip the lid off the box. “They’re bond touch bracelets.”

“Explain,” you murmur, enamored but confused at the two little house arrest looking bracelets.

“So basically, we each wear one,” Hyunjin starts, taking one of the bracelets out and a burst of color blooms across its small screen at the motion, “and if you touch it, mine vibrates and I ‘feel’ your touch.” As he explains, he buckles it around your wrist, twisting it so it lies correctly. You silently take the second one and help it on him, brain too caught up to actually say anything.

“Try it,” Hyunjin whispers, suppressing his excitement.

You gingerly bring a finger to the little screen, tapping it once, twice. Nothing happens. Frowning, you try again, tapping and holding, then a second time, and finally— a strip of pink light appears and the bracelet gently vibrates as you tap and hold a random pattern. In response, the bracelet on Hyunjin’s wrist lights up blue, buzzing in the same pattern.

“Oh, Hyunjin,” you sniffle, fighting back your own tears because you refuse to let yourself ugly cry in front of him, “this is amazing. Now I can annoy you year-round. Thank you so, so much. I love you so much.” He hums, pulling you close when you turn to give him a proper hug. To your utmost surprise, however, instead of letting go he curls one fist into your side and helps swing your legs over to straddle his lap. “Oh.”

“___,” Hyunjin sighs thoughtfully, fingers playing with the sleeves of your tee, “I love you, too.”

You nearly spit up your coffee. If you were drinking coffee. Instead, you’re left with a dry mouth and a slack jaw at his words. Huh?

Glancing to the constellation picture peeking out of his box, and then to the matching bracelets you both wear, you find your mind reeling trying to make sense of it all. Yeah, you say the forbidden L-word to each another all the time, but most certainly not with you on his on lap and his lips mere centimeters away. The answer is so obviously clear as day you have trouble believing it.

“Fuck,” you laugh all of a sudden, as soon as the realization hits you, “I wasn’t dreaming, was I?”

Hyunjin lets out a joyous giggle, hands linking behind your back. Unable to hide his smile any longer, he clarifies, “You were not, madam. We literally just finished talking about when we were going to open gifts and then I got ready to sleep. Two seconds later you dumped your heart out to me, but when I answered, you were asleep.”

“Bruh,” you wince, hiding your face with your hands, “I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“No, don’t be,” Hyunjin comforts, reaching to tug your hands away. Your gut does somersaults when he intertwines his fingers with yours. “I was actually, uh, planning on doing some sort of confession to you anyway, but then you went right ahead and did it for me. So thanks for that.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, trying to wrap your mind around it all, “does that mean you, ahem, perhaps like me too?”

“No, I just got us really couple-y long distance relationship bracelets, pulled you onto my lap, and kissed you because I just want to be friends.”

“You didn’t kiss m—”

The sly little fucker interrupts your retort by quickly dipping down to press a fat smooch to your lips, missing miserably and you don’t know if he did it on purpose but you quickly fix the problem, releasing his hands to cradle his jaw and tilt his head the right angle. Finally, finally you kiss him, breathing in the smell of him like some sort of aromatherapy and whimpering into his mouth when his tongue swipes against your own. It is like nothing you have ever experienced, the taste and feel of him making you tremble and igniting a burst of electricity through your veins. You could kiss him forever, you think, sucking on his plump bottom lip greedily until he finally pulls back, desperate for air or trying to reel himself in you can’t say.

“You have to open your other gift,” Hyunjin reminds, chest heaving, and your gaze follows his long fingers as they comb his hair away from his forehead. Automatically, as if kissing Hyunjin once grants you some kind of free pass to do the same, you brush a few stray strands away from his face before leaning back to admire him. “Stoooop. You can’t do that and not expect me to kiss you again. Open. Your. Gift.” Hyunjin whines, squishing your cheeks and turning your head away.

“Okay, don’t blame this on me,” you huff, reaching for the second box before jabbing a finger into his chest, “you, sir, need to stop being so beautiful for like, two seconds.”

He scoffs, helping you rip off the wrapping paper, “You’re the beautiful one here.”

“Ew,” you wrinkle your nose, most certainly not used to Hyunjin dishing out such compliments, “this is too Hallmark Christmas movie for me. Let me open my gift in peace, ugly.” This box, unlike the bracelets’, is simple cardboard and when you lift open the lid, a brown leather book looks back at you. “You remember Up?” He asks.

On the leather, it reads Our Adventure Book in mismatched colors. “Yeah,” you whisper, flipping open the cover to find two baby pictures glued on the paper, one of Hyunjin, and one of you. At the top, it’s labeled ‘Before Shit Went Down.’ You laugh.

On the next page, there are random photographs from middle school, and then finally each other’s eighth grade graduation portraits. Then, written at the top is ‘Here It Begins,’ followed by a selfie he randomly took with you a few weeks into school freshman year, and then some from homecoming. Silently flipping through the rest of the book, your tears flow freely now, touched beyond comparison at all the photographs and all the memories accompanying them. Some are from large events like prom, others from random moments you don’t even remember, but each and every one comes together to form a special mold fitting perfectly into that Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart.

The last picture is from the christening last month. Of course, it isn’t one of the nicer photos his mom took of the two of you, but a SnapChat selfie with the flaming sunglasses filter. He’s mid-laugh and you’re pressing a kiss to his cheek. Funny thing is, you don’t even remember taking it.

The page next to it is blank, aside from what’s written at the top of the page. “Togetha Foreva,” you read aloud, voice choked up and God, you cannot fathom how gross you look right now. “What the fuck, man!” You sob, punching Hyunjin’s shoulder before wiping your nose and cheeks with the back of your hands. “I didn’t sign up for this cock and ball torture.”

Hyunjin laughs loudly at this, pulling you into a hug and giving you a few seconds to recover. “Hyunjin, this is like… seriously the best thing anyone has ever done for me, holy shit. God, you Pinterest son of a bitch, this is such a good idea,” you groan, flipping back through the pages and getting teary-eyed all over again, “I can’t express how much this means to me, Jinnie. Thank you, really.”

Flashing that toothy grin of his, Hyunjin tugs you to lie back down with him and tilts your head up to press a much more accurate kiss to your lips. “I meant what I said before, ___,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what to do without you, and I know we only get to see each other once a month but I can’t keep living as just friends. You’re so much more than that. And I hope all the pictures we add from now on will show this new chapter of our lives. If not, well, then I guess I’ll just burn the book.”

“Are you asking me to be Kkami’s official poop-picker-upper?”

“Yes. Wait— what? No!”

You break into a fit of laughter, only to be interrupted with him pinching your side and causing you to let out a yelp. “Hey!” You bark, jumping closer to him and away from his hand until, finally, you give in to your self-indulgence and go right on ahead in swinging a leg over his hips and pinning him beneath you.

“You ruined my serious love speech, ___,” Hyunjin pouts, face scrunched up at you.

“I’m sorry, baby, go on.”

You pause, blinking slowly at him. He blinks back, the silence in the air weighing in heavily as both of your two brain cells bounce around trying to figure out what did you just call him?

“Never mind,” Hyunjin says, voice a low rumble of thunder as he reaches for your hips and easily flips positions, “I think you’re on the same boat.”

You laugh, tilting your head back and eyeing him indignantly. Fuck, he looks unfairly delectable hovering above you.

“Okay, how many more times do I have to tell you I love you for you to formally ask me to be your girlfriend, stupid?” You scowl, bringing your hands to cradle his neck, thumbs brushing delicately against his jaw.

“Call me baby again and we’ll see about making that happen.”

You raise a brow, tugging his face closer by the chain of his necklace. “You’re lucky it’s Christmas, baby.”

[carmenxjulia]

Another Duane interview transcript, coming at you! This one was from a smaller Carmen Sandiego chatroom. There were several interviewers, so that’s why the name of the question asker changes. Get the details below the break! Stay tuned, more interview transcripts coming soon.

Duane Capizzi:

HI EVERYONE! I'M IN!

Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the way haha. Then got lost trying to change my PFP

Thanks for gathering! Shall we get started? Let's do some Q&A!

(as long as they are not geography questions haha)

Fuel:

What characters or plot points were cut from the final product?

Duane Capizzi:

Ooo, starting with a right hook to the jaw!

Let me think about that for a moment: I'm hesitant to give too much away because I'm really hoping we can tell more stories in this world at some point

Which is to say, we tend not to waste anything: if we don't use it when we originally planned, we usually find a way to use something later - and there's usually a "karmic" reason that we waited.

I'll also preface by saying this: I know season 3 was more of a mini-drop and some felt season 4 was rushed. But I wish EVERY season were longer. Season 1: ideally, i wanted the Pilot to be its own event and 10 more episodes after that (but we had to tell the post-Pilot story in 7. At the end of the day, that had its benefits: we got to the Shadowsan turn earlier and I think that's when a lot of viewers realized the ride they were truly in for). Season 2: we initially figured we'd need 5 episodes to have Carmen doing the ACME dance with Chief, and wound up doing it in 3 - mostly because it quickly became clear that Rio needed to be a 2 parter, and the Zack and Ivy backstory a rough 2 parter. So we squeezed 3 episodes worth of plot into 209. It was exhilarating!

So, we had hoped to have more episodes for Season 4 of course. We had a ton of ideas and had to compress things a bit. But honestly in many ways it was for the better. I know we all wanted to live in this world longer, but I think sometimes the flip side is true - when you have big ongoing storylines, it can get frustrating when some things drag out too long. But, we got all the "story" we wanted to tell in Season 4 - we just lost some "incident" if that makes sense. We would have taken longer to get there.

So, all that preface to answer the question: we wanted to do more musical numbers! We had a Bollywood dance sequence in a return to India caper with Paperstar. We wanted to do a famous Elvis suit theft in Las Vegas during an Elvis impersonator convention (Shadowsan's an early elvis guy; Brunt likes the Vegas "jumpsuit" era). We also wanted to do a thread where Gunnar gets captured by ACME so that Julia could interrogate him and he could play mind games with her a la Hannibal Lector and Clarice. CAVEAT TO ALL THIS: these were some ideas that were bouncing around, that may not have seen the light of day if we couldn't get them to work. But they were on our wish list.

re: "other stories" - I could live with these characters for another 32 episodes easily and there have of course been discussions. But alas, that is up to the powers that be. Let's keep fingers crossed - and keep the Carmen love alive online so that someone up there takes note

There is more of course, but those are some things that spring to mind.

Fuel:

Were there any scenes cut for time that were your favorite?

Duane Capizzi:

Not much springs to mind: our directors were amazing at getting everything in the scripts to fit naturally (and in fact, I was the one who was usually suggesting trims to let other things breathe, etc). We were limited to 22 minutes of episode time, NOT counting front and end credits so a little longer than the average show. We have a pretty good idea when the SCRIPT is too long, so the cutting usually happens at script stage before it gets to the board crew so that they don't waste efforts over-boarding material that won't be used.

We had hoped to build out Chase and Carmen teaming up for the first time, meeting at Carmen's hotel lobby etc for more scenes of them together; but had to reduce that to get that all to fit in the VERY packed episode 406. But again, tighter was fine considering. That's one area that leaps to mind. (note that when I say packed, I don't mean that in a bad way: we spend a lot of time pouring over details in editing to make sure everything gets its due).

If I think of anything, I'll circle back at a later point. But the simple answer is that scenes were usually trimmed or compressed at script rather than board or animatic. So nothing comes to mind. I know it's hard to believe, but "shorter is usually better."

except for my answers to fan questions of course

Fuel:

We saw that in s4 episode 6 that Julia's mother(?) is wearing a necklace remarkably similar to the one Julia wears all the time. Is this the same necklace and if so, why was it given to Julia?

Duane Capizzi:

Just when I thought I was detail oriented! Wow! You guys blow me away

I can't take credit for that: it was either the board artist or director who added that. They do slip things in! As I've said before, EVERYONE on the crew really brought their A-game and were as deep thinking and as passionate as I was/am about the show.

It's a nice detail and I would say your interpretation works!

It took me three or four reviews before noticing that the team had slipped in baby Carmen near the play set in Mom's front yard at the end of 408. When I caught it, I was like: bravo!

Fuel:

When they first met, Zack and Ivy said to Carmen that they were the only family they had, do you know what happened to the rest of Zack and Ivy's family?

Duane Capizzi:

I don't. At least, I don't yet until such a time that I might have the opportunity to explore that. It was important to their relationship with Carmen that they be orphans, so they had that common bond (aside from being "thieves who steal from bad guys" - even if it was only gonna be one time for Zack and Ivy).

I know there are writers out there who like to do entire bio's for characters up front but i'm not one of them. It could be a trap in many ways. I like to have a general idea but be open to the demands of the ongoing storyline. You discover things along the way - it's like you're taking a journey with the characters by writing them, and the longer you spend, the better you get to know them (that was not a prepared statement by the way - I just made that up but I'll have to use it again :). So in Z/I's case it wasn't important to the story or Carmen's relationship, we felt. Conversely, we STARTED with Shadowsan's family backstory with 203, but more important to me was that we use it as a platform to explain why he stays with Carmen and crew. He really has no home at that point, so it was relevant to the present ongoing story. Which is what made that especially powerful to me.

Also, there's always a push-pull between telling character back stories while balancing them with ongoing episodic plots. You have to service both. If you just tell back story, then you're writing a biography

Arden:

What was the biggest challenge when designing these characters, especially the pre-existing characters from the series in the 90's?

Duane Capizzi:

This is probably more of a question for Chromosphere, re: challenges. But from my standpoint overseeing that process, the first thing I'll say is that we weren't necessarily trying to be "true" to those characters since we reinvented nearly every one from the ground up. (with the exception of Carmen of course - her trademark red hat/coat weren't going anywhere! But mostly the update with Carmen was in the styling of her "outerwear"

ALTHOUGH: I will admit that I was pushing for Carmen to have shorter hair as Carmen. I thought it would be a cool update. Chromosphere were really passionate about giving her long full hair and I have to see that they were right. The short tomboy cut worked so well for Black Sheep anyway. We had a different hair style for each of her ages.

So about the reinventions: Gunnar is in spirit a similar character to the original (old colleague in Vile and an early mentor if I remember), but his presentation completely different. We weren't trying to be "in canon" with the original. The beauty of CSD is that every incarnation has been its own entity so that freed us to reimagine the characters. THE CLEANERS, for instance: gimme some Cleaner love! There were a pair of janitors from the original game named RICK AND NICK ICK. They were literally janitors, it was too silly for our purposes. But, it's one small step to make them "Cleaners" (in the sinister hit men sense) - and lo, our reinvention.

So to summarize the answer to your question, they weren't really challenges to me so much as FUN to creatively reinvent the original characters (many of which were from the game, so not really "characters" per se with dialogue and inner lives). Whenever we could, we tried to use character names from the originals and update their looks and personalities. Where we couldn't find an equivalent for what we needed, we created characters from whole cloth. For instance, it seemed a miss to do a heist show without a tunnel guy and a high rise climber guy. Hence, LC & ET, everyone's favorite taco truck vendors!

(yes, i've seen some short hair carmen fan art on Twitter - someone did a great one recently!)

Arden:

Are there plans to give us more of the characters in, say, novel/graphic novel form?

Duane Capizzi:

I know HMH has done a bunch and no doubt have more in works. There's currently a novelization of the Pilot with some additional material if anyone's interested. I consulted on the second one, Clue for Clue, because it falls in the timeline while Chase was still Interpol/pre-Acme so was tricky.

And depending on whether another series in this canon makes it to air, I may just approach them about writing one or two myself to get some "further adventures" our there. Anything is possible!

Arden:

If you could go back and change anything about the series, what would it be?

Duane Capizzi:

File under anecdote, but there was what I felt was an important expression on Gray that kept me awake at nights, from his graduation ceremony at Vile. When we revisited those flashbacks in the Gray arc in Season 4, I had them change his expression there (to be more evil less innocent). We had it corrected in 404 so was able to get permission to have Netflix "fix" the Pilot by adding that shot in. I am tenacious!

We really poured over everything, it's the series that I have virtually zero complaints with the end product to be honest. But the simple answer is: I would have gone back to 106 and "un-greek'd" Gray's nametag. It's sort of a rule for international that we scramble signage (which is weird for a show that takes place in many countries/languages, I know I know). It's mostly for localization/translation reasons. And I'm sure there are some countries where Gray's name might be spoken differently. But as a proper name, I think we could have made an exception and seen "Gray" on his name tag. See? Details! But that's about the worst of it

there's also like one small line from Chief in 208 where she indicates she knows Carmen is a good guy (something to that effect) which I felt was too absolute and would have tweaked the line to temper it a bit. It's tiny, but looking back it sort of bugs me and I kick myself for not catching it. But this is absolutely the series I wanted and couldn't be happier.

Carmen:

How did Carmen know she could trust Julia? As far as we know, she has not seen or heard Julia defending her, and in the Fashionista Caper, Julia even held up her gas gun to her, saying she was under arrest. Do you have any opinions on this? Was it just intuition?

Duane Capizzi:

I'm gonna go with intuition

Carmen was raised on an island with some hardened criminal types. I think she's a pretty good judge of character. Poor Julia, trying to be tough with Carmen didn't suit her.

But, great observation! I'd have to mentally step through everything to see if Carmen had any earlier indication but i think you're right there.

Yes, sometimes you just gotta follow your heart

Carmen:

Are there any characters that didn't actually interact that you think would get along well?

Duane Capizzi:

Amazing question! First, I'd have to think more about who DIDN'T meet - you're asking the hard questions haha. But "get along well" is very specific! Hmmm, care to volley anyone?

I'll also add that so many smaller moments get lost in the "binge" of it all, but I am surprised how few fans have noted the first meeting between Player and Julia. THAT was a good one IMO! Very sweet!

Before getting back to your question, I also want to add that we were originally going to find a way for Carmen to lose her earring in Stockholm so that Julia could pick it up and be communicating with Player. BUT, I cut it at treatment stage because I knew we didn't have room in that episode to service it. Circling back to questions 1 & 2, another case where it turned out better saved for later IMO (saving Player meeting Julia, not to mention the earring business in 402 with Ivy).

Oh of course, Julia and any of the other Vile members. It would have been Gunnar for my vote, as mentioned earlier. We probably would not have had Julia meet anyone else and mixed it up more. I like that Cleo sort of became J's personal nemesis.

YES, SONIA & XIFENG (and LUPE PELIGRO, if I can add). The intent was (and is, if we ever get to revisit) to see them again in Carmen's travels. We started to expand Carmen's world but when we finally learned the finite number of episodes we had to finish the story, we drilled back down into the essentials. Would love to see them some day!

I'm hesitant to share too many things I have in mind in this forum for hope that they will see the light of day one day. You know, "spoilers"

Julia:

Do you have any opinions on Zari? Just in general? Some thoughts on her backstory would be nice if possible

Duane Capizzi:

I love Zari! I really don't have any back story on her at this point. She was originally just "Agent B" but when the need arose to give story points to another agent, we chose her because she looked so awesome! And Sharon Muthu gave voice to her so wonderfully.

I love when we finally teamed her with Chase. Hopefully the anticipation was that she would give him a hard time. I love that we defied expectation (organically, of course) and had her respect him by the end of that episode (for believing that he foiled Carmen!)

Julia:

Do you have any thoughts on small facts about any character, major or minor, that you think are fun/interesting to think about, but don't necessarily add to the plot itself?

Duane Capizzi:

Bellum, like myself, likes cats. But you knew that!

I try to put everything pertinent on screen, doing double duty to service any given episode's story but also the overarching story. That "journey" thing I mentioned earlier - we had no idea Chase falling on his own car would be a thing when I first came up with it. But as other characters refer to the incident, it took on a life of its own and made the characters feel more real.

Sorta kinda related to this question and some earlier ones, I will say that I DO think there's more to learn about Shadowsan's past vis a vis Lady Dokuso: it's clear to me that they have a history together, and it's something I hope to explore someday soon (maybe in a book if not another series

Julia:

Are the Carmen Sandiego books a part of canon?

Duane Capizzi:

I only consulted on the first two or three (too busy with series!) and have not read them, so hard for me to answer in a definite way. They are definitely in the universe we've created, but not in the timeline that I know of (which would have been too hard to pull off with our script development running concurrently). But do know that the book team at HMH pays close attention to the series and world so they should be perfectly compatible. Look no further to their clever social media on the series for example.

Kenz:

We saw in season 4 that Julia and Carmen helped each other mid to long term; would there ever be a possibility that Julia would permanently or semi-permanently join team Red?

Duane Capizzi:

Of course there's a possibility. But in a sense, with ACME now finally on Carmen's side, in a sense if Carmen were back in the game Julia, Chase, Zack and Ivy would ALL be an extension of Carmen's crew. But, would J remain with ACME or literally come to Carmen's team at her HQ? As they said in an old radio show: "Only The Duane Capizzi knows ..."

Kenz:

Where do you see Carmen in her retirement (if she retires)? Do you think she would still travel the world or settle down somewhere? Similarly, do you have any thoughts on what some other characters could be doing years down the line?

Duane Capizzi:

That is a big question, and one difficult to answer without some potential future spoilers (and yes, I really want to tell more Carmen stories if you can't tell But I'll answer by giving you one "read" on our open-ended ending as seen in 408 (read no further if you haven't seen it - yeah, right haha). The ending suggests to me that Carmen settled down for a spell to forge that relationship with her mother, to make up for lost time. But, if that is indeed Carmen that we see on the rooftop, I think the ending suggests that Carmen doesn't stay still for very long. If Vile is back, there is work to be done! Carmen has a life mission - she's one determined lady.

But of course, it's deliberately ambiguous: "anyone with your heart, wisdom and courage can be Carmen Sandiego." Is it Carmen? Sonia? Someone we haven't met? I think both endings resonate: Caroline and I always said "Carmen is bigger than a person, Carmen is a movement" would be a great message to end the series on. And I think our ending resolves this chapter of Carmen's journey as a person, but also elevates her to mythic status. Which is why I love it!

And, that seems to me a pretty perfect question and answer to end our chat on. Thanks everyone! Again, I cannot tell you how moved I am to see that we have such a passionate, intelligent and talented fan base. THANK YOU.

Take care guys, thanks again for having me! 'night!

[strongsassysexysloane]

Fifth Day of Twelve - A Perfectly Captured Memory

Well well well this is the most commitment I've had to something in a while. You're welcome LOL.

Click below to read previous days drabbles

. . . .

The snow had really come down over night but you didn't mind. You had gloves now to keep your hands nice and toasty. Even though it was now the weekend in most people's lives, to you, it was just another work day which meant no sleep in whatsoever.

The office was empty when you arrived, typical for a weekend and it was only 0630. You had been up far too early thinking about anything but what gift you would receive today. At least trying to think about anything else. Failing miserably. That was at 0500 and when you saw the snow piled up on the rim of your bedroom window you decided to go in early just in case there was traffic. Had nothing to do with possibly catching the gift giver in the act.

Alas when your eyes found your desk it had something extra sitting beside your phone that definitely wasn't there when you left last night. Unfortunately the potted plant had to go yesterday because it started to smell not so nice.

Once you dropped your backpack underneath, you picked up the photo frame and smiled at the cute family photo inside. It was of the team at Jimmy's birthday party this year. A half decent one before half of you got absolutely sloshed. You were part of that half and so was the woman with her arm curled around your waist, holding you close, her head resting against yours. You of course, had a stupid overly tipsy grin spread across your face. The more.you looked at the photo the more the memory flooded your mind, the taste of bourbon, the warm touch and tight hold of Jack Sloane.

Most days you could keep your emotions under control but that night, the alcohol let them free, just a little. There was dancing, one slow song but you were both too drunk for it to mean anything. You ran your finger over the frame with a smile. His party was so long ago.

That night made it difficult to hold those emotions in check after, you'd tried so hard for the past year putting those feelings for her aside. Someone had pointed out that maybe the failed dates were because no one matched up and that was partly true. No one could but you didn't know how they could match up when you weren't ever a thing to begin with. Oh, how you prayed this was all from her.

You knew Jack was attracted to females, Izzy was easy to get information out of once she was tipsy. Izzy stopped by a few months back to share information on a case much to Jack's dismay but this time she charmed you into drinks. Only for her to get more information on Jack's dating life but in return you got some back story on Jack as well. She, of course, wasn't around to be angry at either of you until the following morning because Izzy had sent her a drunken voicemail.

She was more mad at Izzy for blabbing and curious towards you about why you were so inquisitive. You deflected like you usually did and for once Jack let up.

That was you and Jack. A friendship with questions attached. You knew Jack had asked questions about you a while back. You knew because you'd overhead her talking to Ellie in the ladies room a couple months after you'd joined. It wasn't anything about the job, it was all personal. Ellie had asked you out for Saturday night drinks with her and Nick, everyone else had plans but that didn't stop Jack from getting all the information she wanted. After that you avoided going out with Ellie for a while, it wasn't until she figured it out and promised things would stay between the two of you, that you decided to go drinking with them again. You didn't mind sharing, you just preferred when the person wanting to know asked you face to face which you knew was entirely hypocrital on your part.

Why she didn't ask you or why you couldn't ask her was frustrating. They weren't overly intrusive questions, just getting to know a person's life a bit more. She just made you nervous for some reason.

You almost dropped the photo frame when the elevator doors dinged. It was Gibbs arriving for the day with a cup of coffee in his hand. He frowned at your shocked face and you gave him a one shoulder shrug in response. "Morning."

" 'morning. Another present?"

His question caught you off guard. "Umm..yeah."

"Only gets annoyin' when they harp on about it." He offered a reason to your questioning look. "Got a photo?" He stopped at your desk and looked down at the frame.

You picked it up and faced it towards him. It was a simple light wooden frame with a meaningful picture. "Even has you smiling."

"Might 'ave somethin' to do with the good bourbon Palmer had on tab." He smirked, placing it back down on your desk.

You chuckled. "Was good bourbon." So good that Jimmy didn't realise how many people drank it until he got the bill.

Gibbs nodded and took a swig of his coffee. "Any ideas yet?"

You raised a brow at his follow up but his dead stare just made you chuckle more. "No. I dont-" You didn't want to sound stupid. It seemed like a silly reason.

"Want to ruin the surprise." He nodded and walked over to his desk. It sounded ok when he said it.

"Yeah."

There was silence between you after that. You followed up with the call directory of the victims brother you were working on last night. Praying to find something to go with the no alibi he had for the time of the murder. They were estranged however only lived twenty minutes apart and something in his answers seemed off. Off according to Gibbs and Jack which was something. He just seemed unpleasant when you and Gibbs picked him up yesterday.

The team started to arrive just after and to no one's surprise Ellie was the only one to notice or comment about the frame on your desk. She soon dropped the subject when Jack came whizzing in.

"Guess where I'm jetting off to in a few hours?!" She beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet with your added enthusiasm.

"Where Jack?" All three of you said in deadpan unison and Gibbs smirked as Jack rolled her eyes. "I don't care if you aren't interested. I'm going to New Orleans." She raised her arms in victory. "It's been so long."

You could tell by her slightly open mouth and glowing eyes that she was thinking about food. "What's first on the menu?"

She laughed and looked down at you. "Depends. I'm going to help Dwayne on a case. He asked for me specifically and Vance actually agreed. So it may be his gumbo or a restaurant between the airport and the office." She shrugged really not caring which option it would be, just that she knew it would be good food.

"Mmmm I can smell it all, already." Ellie hums. She visited the NOLA office earlier in the year, side trip when she went home for a week to Oklahoma. Tammy and Sebastian had finally convinced her to come down for a weekend with the promise of Dwayne's signature dish. She didn't care what it was, she was sold.

"You might need to bring her back something." Nick smirked at Ellie's poked tongue.

"I might just do that."

"Thank you Jack." They both grinned at each other. Ellie was known for her love of food but Jack was a close second in your book.

"Have fun, remember there's a case to solve inbetween food." You smiled wider when she rolled her eyes.

That's when the thought clicked, if Jack wasn't here then you'd finally know if it was her or not. She couldn't surprise you with gifts if she wasn't here and she wouldn't dare tell anyone else it's her.

"Thank you, Y/n. Gibbs, I've got those profiles you asked for yesterday. Follow me." She motioned with her gloved hand for him to join her to her office and he obliged.

She left the office not long after and left Gibbs with another possible lead for the case.

"Grab your gear."

. . . .

Tonight consisted of drinking eggnog, watching Christmas movies while making Gingerbread houses with my roommate. Twas fun. Feeling very festive. Hop everyone has a good weekend!

[letsperaltiago]

one single thread of gold tied me to you

From the very first time Jake mentions her name, Karen sees a thread of gold tying him to Amy. In other words: a series of small moments in which Jake is talking to Karen about Amy.

or

Jake talking to Karen about Amy throughout their relationship

Read here or on AO3 

The new girl

“Anything exciting happening at work?”

“Nah,” Jake halts, pausing to think between bites of the dinner Karen has prepared for the two of them. Because he’s the only child (and the fact that he’s a huge momma’s boy) he tries to stop by Karen’s once a week. Either for a quick chat and a coffee or longer. If the latter includes dinner, which it often does, then it’s always a huge plus. Tonight’s visit is one of the longer ones, much needed, and of course dinner is a must.

“Or,” he takes back his prior dismissal. “Like, this new girl joined the squad last week, so that’s… exciting, I guess?”

Karen’s head perks up letting her son know that she’s indeed listening.

“Well that’s always a good thing. What’s her name?”

By then Jake is already busy chewing on another bite of her mom’s baked potatoes - a personal favorite of his. Then again any food his mom makes is his favorite.

“Amy Santiago. She seems cool enough, I guess. Then again she just arrived so I guess I’ll have to see.”

Although the world, more specifically Jake, isn’t aware of it yet, the spinning of his and Amy’s golden thread commences its journey here. Karen smiles to herself as this, she realises, is the perfect opportunity for her to pick a bit on her son who’s never shy of teasing her. Lovingly, of course.

“Maybe she’s cool enough to date?”

The statement immediately interrupts his before eager chewing, a press on his entire body’s pause button, and earns Karen a deadpan expression as answer to her so-called proposition.

“Mom, please.”

There’s small smile on his face as he knows his mom is out to pester him. “Charles already went all Cupid on us when she arrived, so the last thing she needs is me hitting on her. Plus,” he’s back to being chewing on a mix of potatoes and meat, “I don’t even know her.”

“Well that’s just a matter of time, honey.”

Having nothing else to add he figures a shrug must be answer enough.

“Anyways,” he looks back up from his plate to his mother. “How’s Carla?”

Rivalling close friends

For her son’s birthday Karen has invited the squad over to her place for a celebratory dinner. At this point, since they’re good at dropping by if they’re ever in her neighbourhood or nearby for work, she’s familiar with most of the people Jake spends 95% of his time with - this with an exception of Amy and Holt.

They’re setting the table while Jake gives her one last quick rundown of the 99th precinct’s squad, so Karen is sure of who the different people are.

“… And Amy, besides Holt, is the last one to have joined the squad. She’s that super neat, kinda annoying one, I’ve told you about. You know, the one who tells me that I can’t eat in her car, and constantly corrects my grammar.”

“I thought you liked her?” He can’t see tell, since he’s busy setting the table, but Karen frowns finding it unlikely that her son suddenly has something against a colleague he most of the time spoke so highly of.

“I do, mom and that’s what’s so annoying. She’s the worst and best of all worlds...” He pauses in the middle of putting down a plate giving himself some time to turn over his thoughts. “… I mean, she probably is my best friend at this point, besides Charles, yanno? But please don’t tell him I said that. His little heart can’t take it.”

“Because of jealousy or because he’s dying to see you and Amy together?”

“Both,” Jake chuckles shaking his head in disbelief of the fact that he puts up with this situation daily.

Karen knows Jake’s “brother from another mother”, how the little man had introduced himself the first time she met him, very well  and can’t hold back a chuckle at the very vivid mental picture of a both jealous but also over the moon Charles.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

It brings an even wider smile to his face upon seeing his mother pretending to lock her lips and throw away an invisible key. Okay, maybe his mom is his best friend, but Amy and Charles are a close second.

Sadly Amy has fallen sick and never makes it to the birthday dinner, but upon arrival Rosa hands him a pretty gift bag with a tiny card and impeccable handwriting that says: Happy birthday, Pineapples ;) Inside the bag he finds the limited edition Die Hard 2: Die Harder-poster that had smashed his heart to pieces when someone had outbidded him for it on eBay. Little had he known it was Amy, sitting just a few feet away by her desk opposite of him, who’d outdone his bid with a sly smirk on her face. A smile which she could hide behind the big computer screen.

The smile on his face is impossible to hide and he immediately sends her a text:

‘ur gift made me die hard!!! guess ur not so bad after all ;) all kidding aside thank u so much and get well soon <3’

Later that night after everyone has left, he’s helping his mom cleaning the kitchen. Suddenly she hands over a homemade doggy bag with leftovers from the dinner.

“Don’t you think sweet, sick Amy deserves this after the gift she gave you?”

Her smirk doesn’t go unnoticed.

Jake of course agrees and later, on his way home, he drops it off at Amy’s place. It being late and not wanting to wake her up, he leaves it on her doorstep and sends her a text for her to see whenever she wakes up:

‘the bag on ur doorstep is not a bomb but a care package from mother peralta. hope ur feeling better but if u dont can i have your desk at work?’

A few days later Karen texts him a picture of a beautiful thank you card with the infamous, neatly Santiago style-written message thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. Jake smiles to himself and replies with a simple: ‘shes a good 1’

Unconsciously developing feelings

He never explicitly tells her. Still, Karen has her suspicions and they only grow every time her son mentions Amy’s name. Sooner rather than later it becomes very clear to her: her son would go to great lengths for his partner - even though he isn’t ready to acknowledge it yet.

“Mom, there’s no way I’m losing my car to her. I’m gonna take her on a date and she’s going to hate it and i’m going to love it- I mean… love her misery,” he corrects himself.

Karen is leaning against the doorframe to his still unaltered childhood bedroom, where Jake is currently rummaging through boxes containing a mix of childhood memories, dust and worthless nick-nack.

“You don’t happen to still have those old pictures of me and Jenny Gildenhorn, do you? I want to find an exact replica of Jenny’s hideous blue dress to torture Amy with.”

Knowing of Jake’s repressed, yet to be realised feelings, because a mother does know best, Karen rolls her eyes. He doesn’t notice. Probably because he has his head buried under his bed looking for more boxes and childhood treasures. Telling him to look for acknowledgement of his feelings for Amy while he’s down there is almost too tempting, but Karen manages to bite her lip. Hopefully he’ll see it himself one day… Or just keep talking the way he already does about her, even when complaining; it’s always with some kind of admiration. Karen sees the little twinkles in his eyes whenever the raven haired detective is brought up in a conversation.

To Amy’s sheer luck, Karen of course has loads of childhood pictures stored in a box in the garage and she gets to sit by knowingly as Jake searches multiple internet websites for the most horrible, blue, 80s dress possible. “Oh, mom… She’s going to hate this so much. Amazing.”

She doesn’t say anything but smiles knowingly as her son sits on her couch, laptop in his lap,  a boyish smile telling her that he is up to no good as he plans the (best) worst date for his “just a good friend”.

Pining

Everything seems harder at the moment. At least harder than what he’d like, Jake thinks to himself as he lies in bed, feeling tipsy from the few beers he had a Shaw’s. He knows he should just sleep but for some reason he can’t. Instead he tortures himself by staring at the ceiling which is definitely spinning - just a tiny bit though, he tries to convince himself.

He’s just come back from being undercover, and although it was kind of fun and definitely exciting in more ways than one, deep down inside he can’t deny that a tiny part of him had hoped Amy by now would give them a chance. It’s not that he’d expected her to break up with Teddy for him - it was her life to control after all. Not his. Although there was no shame in dreaming; dreaming that she’d welcome him back to the 9-9 with a slow motion run and kiss that would blow them both away, telling him that Teddy and his pilsners were out of the picture and that they belonged together;  all this time they’d been destined to belong to no one else but each other.

Alas this wasn’t the case and he returned from the mafia to a:

“I’m still with Teddy.”

The short sentence plays over and over in his head like a broken record he can’t turn off. The worst soundtrack of his life - without a doubt. Suddenly his phones rings, interrupting his spiralling thoughts.

“Hi, Mom,” he mumbles not hiding the fact that he’s exhausted, physically as well as mentally, and tipsy.

“Hi, honey. How did your first day back go?”

“It was... fine. Good to see everyone.”

Good to see Amy, Karen thinks before she does a double take when she picks up on her son’s voice clearly representing a moody side of him she, or anyone, rarely gets to see.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing, It’s-” he starts out not wanting to get into it, because feelings are messy and he always ends up being the hurt one anyways…  But on the other hand, he thinks, his mom will figure out either way - if she hasn’t already. Perhaps his lack of soberness also takes part in his sudden honesty.

“Amy,” he sighs.

“Is everything all right with her?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. I just-” he pauses. “She’s with this guy and-”

“You wish she wasn’t?” Karen beats him to it and finishes the sentence for him.

“Yeah or- I don’t know. I want her to be happy but...” he sounds utterly defeated to a point that hints at teary, she can tell even though she can’t see him. In that moment Karen wants nothing more than hug her little boy. “I really like her, mom.”

His voice never breaks entirely but it’s a fine line he’s walking throughout the entire conversation. Everything pours out of him; he’s a book of sentimental secrets opening up about his Achilles’ heel for the first time and all his mother can do is listen as he describes his favorite parts of Amy (which is pretty much everything): everything from the way her dark ponytail swings back and forth with purpose when she walks to a crime scene to how, when they’re out drinking with the squad, she always get him a beer whenever she gets up to get herself one.

It’s almost as if the spinning of the golden thread, still unknown to the world, between him and Amy is slowly choking him.

“I want her to be happy, mom… I just-” he almost dozes off before finishing the sentence but fights through it and it’s all at once incredibly endearing and heartbreaking to Karen who’s still listening from her end of the line.

“... I just wish she would be happy with me instead.”

New couple

It’s truly unbelievable. Jake can’t believe he’s about call his mom to tell her: tell her that he’s with Amy now.  

It’s been a month now; a month of him being with Amy and being so very happy he still can’t believe he’s been spending all this time not feeling like this. However, not wanting to rush things or put any pressure on either of them, simply enjoying being together, no one else but the squad knows about them.

Them. Him and Amy. A thing.

Just thinking about him and Amy that way, it almost makes him dizzy of pure disbelief. There had been so much buildup, such a long history of back and forth, bad timing, but all that aside now here they were. Amy Santiago was his girlfriend. Maybe that is the thought that causes his heart to take on a way too quick beating pattern and the hand holding his phone to become clammy. Now is the time though and he doesn’t hesitate to hit his mom’s contact. It rings. Jake can clearly hear his heart thump loudly against his ribcage. Should he be this nervous?

One time.

Two times.

Thre-

“Hi, honey,” his mom’s warm chipper voice interrupts the monotone ringing instantly making his lips spread into a small smile and heart take a break from the irrational thumping.

“Hey, mom,” he starts pacing around his apartment in attempt of diverting all the energy and emotions rushing through him, unconsciously bringing him everywhere from his bed to his kitchen.

“So it’s actually been a little while now… And I haven’t said anything since I didn’t want to rush anything but,” he cuts the sentence in two with a deep breath. “So, like… Amy and I are dating... together... her and I,” he starts rambling and wow he really should’ve written this down first. Karen doesn’t let it go on for too long though too excited to not say anything.

“Honey, I’m so so happy for you two! And it was about time that you finally told me!”

Jake’s pacing stops on the spot.

“What do you mean “finally”?”

“Oh, Jake... Sometimes I think you forget that mothers know everything. Plus you’re not very good at hiding… bruises,” she clears her throat, emphasizing what she’s really saying while imagining her son blush on his end of the line. “Also you’ve been visiting less and less, which means someone else has to take up your time.Someone who is even cooler than your very own mom, someone who makes you this gitty and nervous to talk about… It had to be her you were calling about.”

The smile in her voice is clear as day, but Jake is still baffled trying to come up with an explanation or the very least a decent answer. There is none, he quickly abandons the plan and instead lets out a happy huff.

“She’s really cool, mom. So cool. The last month has been like… the best. I don’t know how else to describe it. She’s the best.”

Compared to the defeated and heartbroken man she spoke to all those months ago, after his return from being undercover, this is a whole new version of her son that she’s longed to see. Karen can’t physically see him but can still clearly tell he’s flipped the page and is taking on a better chapter of his life.

Early relationship

It’s another night at his mom’s. Although the motivation behind the visit is a tiny bit different than usual this time. Sure, they’re gonna talk and have a nice dinner prepared by Karen as per usual, although tonight the mother has to nurse a whiny Jake who’s missing his dear but very out of town for the week-girlfriend. And the experience feels… mixed.

“Dinner is ready!”

No response.

She looks up from where she’s just carefully put down a sizzling pan to see her son back against the one arm of her armchair with his legs svung over the other. Physically he might be close but mentally he’s so far away, clearly more focused on whatever is going on on his phone’s screen.

“Jake,” she tries again but rather than giving his mother a reply Jake start typing as if nothing or noone was within miles of him. Karen can’t help but feel like she’s raising a teenager all over again, a teenager with the attention span of a goldfish, although this time her son is actually in his late 30s, lives by himself and has a girlfriend. So little yet so much has changed about him.

“Jacob,” she tries with her more more stern voice. She knows what he’s doing, texting Amy, and even though it’s cute he needs to snap out of it. At least for long enough to eat. He finally reacts and looks in her direction. Realization hits him which immediately prompts him to push himself out of the seat.

“If you stop eating you won’t even be alive to see her when she comes back.”

He deserves to be teased, he figures.

“I’m sorry. It was a text from Amy and I just wanted to reply right away. I just really miss her, I guess... and this is the closest we’ll get to talking today since she’s busy with her family, so...”

He leaves his phone behind on the coffee table, implicitly letting his mother know she’s got his (somewhat) full attention from now on.

“It’s so weird. We’ve only been together for like...” he counts in his head. “... 5 months now, but I already can’t stand being away from her for too long. Am I insane?” he drops down into his usual seat by the dinner table, almost in defeat but Karen is quick to rescue him in his moment of overdramatic despair.

“No you’re not, I assure you.”

Karen grabs his hand to stroke it comfortingly. She knows her son didn’t mean to be rude, didn’t mean to ignore her and she loves how much he’s opened up about his emotions since getting together with Amy.

“It’s a good sign that you care so much, but just remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder and it’ll feel even better when she comes back… and until then you can let your old mom entertain you.”

They share a chuckle because they both know what that means.

“Did you get ice cream?” he asks.

“Strawberry, chocolate chip and cookie dough… and to top it off: Die Hard is ready to play the second we’re done eating and doing the dishes.”

It’s a little tradition of theirs: their shared comfort snack plus movie-combo.

“You know me so well,” Jake smiles almost forgetting about missing Amy.

If not for the rest of the week then at least for a couple of hours.

Going steady

This week is a a lot different from the usual. While it’s not every single week they actually manage to see each other or even get the time to talk, Karen knows for sure that she won’t hear from her son for at least a couple of days. Jake is away on a cruise with Amy, and so besides the few pictures he’s texted her of them eating shrimp in bed (she wonders how he talked Amy into that) and a huge seagull stealing some of Amy’s fries, Karen doesn’t expect a whole lot of her son’s attention that week.  

Which is why she is extremely surprised when her phone rings, her son’s picture and name displayed on her phone, in the middle of the night. Yes, the element of surprise is of course due to the fact that she knows he’s busy being away with Amy, but also much due the time at which he calls.

01:21

A mother’s undeniable fear and worry for her child never goes away, no matter how old said child is, and it now creeps in making her fear that the worst has happened. What could possibly lead him to call this late? She frantically grabs her phone from her night stand.

“Jake, it’s in the middle of the night. Is everything okay?” She doesn’t mean to come off as accusing but she’s definitely trying to get to the bottom of the mystery right away.

“I love her.”

It falls from his lips, very out of nowhere, and it’s hard to tell within what context it is to be interpreted. Interlacing with his voice is the sound of crashing waves and a strong breeze making Karen wonder where her son finds himself.

“Honey, what do you mean? Where are you?”

Maybe she should’ve understood right away, it was obvious, but not only was she sleeping just seconds ago but the background noise on his end of the line only makes the whole scene way more confusing than it already is.  

He breathes, out of breath almost as if he’s been running. “I’m outside. On the deck. And I love her, mom.”

“The deck?”

“No,” he pauses catching his breath. “Amy. I told her… Or she told me first and then I told her back. Nothing has ever felt more right.”

That makes way more sense, Karen thinks although still quite unsure of exactly why he’s calling her. All that aside her heart is flooded with happiness, when she realises her son is not out of breath from running or crying, but rather all the emotions he must be feeling.

“Aw, Jake. I’m so happy for you. I know how much she means to you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah… You’ve changed so much throughout your relationship with Amy and it’s only for the better. You were already wonderful, you’re my son after all, but she brings out so much more good in you. This was only a matter of time. I think you’ve loved her for longer than you think.”

Another silence allows the crashing waves and whistling night wind to make an appearance. Following words almost fall off his lips in a tremble but Karen can tell it’s because he’s moved and is trying to collect himself, his emotions and thoughts. This is a big step for him - she knows.

“I have. And I don’t think I wanna stop again.”

Their talk lasts a few more minutes; just long enough for Jake to explain that he couldn’t sleep, too excited about the fact that he loved Amy Santiago and, even better, she loved him! Instead of staying in bed, restless and thus risking waking up Amy, he’d carefully disentangled himself from his girlfriend’s grip and decided to go for a night stroll. Next thing he knew he was calling his mom’s number.

“I should probably go, mom. I don’t want Amy to wake up alone.”

They say their goodbyes and when Karen finally gets to meet his daughter-in-law a few weeks later, at Jake’s chaotic birthday dinner, she is even more sure: their golden thread is so very strong.

Moving in together

The first time Karen visits Jake and Amy’s apartment (the words still make his stomach twist and turn with excitement every time he says it or even thinks it), Amy is out getting groceries for the dinner they’ll all be preparing together.

Jake proudly gives his mom a full apartment tour explaining where he’s added his Peralta-touch to the household while still praising his girlfriend’s taste in interior design. She has to laugh at the huge Die Hard poster discreetly hung on the inside of their closet door. Framed pictures of the couple together hung and standing around the apartment only makes Karen’s heart melt even more.

“How are you guys liking living together so far?”

They’re in the kitchen, Jake is preparing them both a cup of coffee.

“I mean, we already took constant turns crashing at the other’s place so it doesn’t feel that brand new, but still…” he pauses to smile and pours his mother a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee before continuing. “This is so much better. We share a home now. She is officially my home now, yanno?”

“I’m proud of you, Jakey,” Karen playfully ruffles her son’s curly hair, something she rarely gets to do but still immensely enjoys every time. It reminds her of when he was still a little kid and hits her with just how far he’s become. She’s not just proud: she’s so proud.

“Plus, now I get to annoy her 24/7, which is great,” he laughs and Karen playfully pinches his ear.

“Be nice to her, Jacob,” she’s chuckling too.

“I am! Our relationship is practically built on a foundation of pestering and messing with each other. Trust me; she loves it.”

Prison

“Amy… I miss her so much.”

As if the fact that her son has been wrongly accused and is facing 15 years in prison isn’t agonizing enough, Karen also has to suffer the pain it causes her to hear her son cry out to her over the very rare phone calls they get these days.

“When I say I’m afraid of never getting out of here-” he heaves between fallen, sobbed words; sobbed words which Karen knows he tries to subdue in order to not show the other inmates weakness. But it’s hard; impossible. “It’s mostly because I’m afraid of not seeing her again. Every time she visits-,” a sniffle “I’m always afraid that it’s the last time I see her. And all I wanna do is kiss her and hold her, but i just- I can’t. I miss her so so much, mom.”

Karen’s heart breaks alongside her son’s, even hours and miles between them, tears rolling down her red cheeks. She knows she has to be strong for him, and that it’s harder for him than for herself. Denying the ache and fear in every cell of her body is impossible though… But she has to keep her head up for him.

“It’ll be okay, honey,” Karen forces herself to stop crying when she speaks and will instead let the tears fall freely whenever he can’t hear it. “The squad is doing everything they can to get you out.”

“I know... “ he takes a deep breath and Karen can tell he’s trying to collect himself for good this time. “H-how is she?”

For a split second Karen considers lying, not telling him that she’s spent multiple nights consoling a crying Amy and even sleeping over at their place when the young woman was too tired to take care of herself. She considers telling him she’s fine, but she knows it’s pointless: Jake and Amy are two open books who tell each other everything. Just like Amy knows Jake has never been more afraid and seeks hope in every second he gets to be with or even just talk to her, Jake knows Amy is struggling though she’s a trooper and tries to fight through it as seamlessly as possible.

“I visited her on Wednesday and…” Karen bites her lip but eventually a sigh escapes her. “You know how she feels... It’s hard for both of you. But she’s strong, honey and she manages. And on the days where she can’t, I’m there with her. I promise.”

Silence.

He’s holding back tears again.

“I love you both, mom. So so much. You two are what is going to get me through this.”

“I love you too, Jacob.”

Their golden thread might be strained, but now is time for it to show its strength.

Engaged

He can’t put it into words, at least not properly, because how does one describe how it feels to be the happiest man alive? How does one describe such a wide, complex, incredible range of emotions? It’s impossible.

Instead he settles for a text.

It’s truly comical but also very much them: a picture of Amy in the evidence locker, still partially crying although of course also smiling as she shows off the shiny ring on her finger. It’s followed by the message:

‘MOM, I’M MARRYING HER!!!’

Later that night, tipsy after celebrating at Shaw’s, Jake and Amy facetime Karen. It’s safe to say that she gets a good laugh at 3-drink Amy showing off her new, favorite bling while Jake is all over her, placing small kisses to various parts of her face.

“Okay, you two... I’m going to hang up before this goes beyond a PG-rating. Once again congratulations. I love you both and can’t wait to see you soon.”

Married

Bomb threats, ruined cakes and a lost veil are just a few of the things that go horribly wrong on Jake and Amy’s wedding day.

Now, a few weeks later, all these tiny disasters seem to be long forgotten, almost as if they’d never happened.

“... But in the end we’re married and that’s all that matters,” Jake finishes telling his mother the tale of their chaotic but incredibly beautiful and unique wedding which was followed by a PG-rated version of their trip to Mexico.

The three of them are taking up the space of Karen’s living room as they chat and drink their usual coffee. Jake’s arm is slung around his new wife’s shoulders, fingers interlaced with a happiness and peace that warms the mother’s heart. Compared to the anxiety and sadness they all experienced during Jake’s time in Florida and then later on in prison, this moment in time is a major contrast. It’s a moment which Karen at times had feared she’d never be able to witness ever again. Yet here they were, the three of them together in the same room and Jake looked happier than ever. He was married to the love of his life, showing off a warm glow that he could thank both happiness and the Mexican sun for.

“I’m so happy for you two. It was always meant to be this way.”

Karen beams just as much as the married couple, feeding off the pure bliss they display in each other’s company. Amy perks up at the comment growing curious.

“Always?” she questions with a smile.

“The second he told me that the new girl was “pretty cool”, I knew something was meant to happen.”

Jake feels blood rushing to his cheeks even though said new girl is now his wife.

“Aw, babe,” Amy turns to him flashing a teasing grin. Every opportunity to tease must be put to good use. “I can’t believe you’ve been into me for so long. How embarrassing for you.”

“Hey!” He whines and it’s clear to see that he’s trying to fight the blush and embarrassment alas it’s already way too late. ”Be nice to your husband, Mrs. Peralta.”

“Not my fault that you’re so into me, Mr. Peralta.”

There’s a short pause in the conversation where Jake realises there’s no way out unless he uses her own teasing ways against her.

“I’m a lucky man… I guess,” he counters playfully and it earns him a just as playful slap to the shoulder.

“You guess?”

Amy is quick to pull away  although doesn’t allow their fingers to untangle while she sends him a mock-pout.

“Be nice, Jake.”

Karen loves her son but will also, at any given time, take Amy’s side before his. Jake came to learn this the second he introduced the two women and they started gossiping about him. He would care to mind if it wasn’t for the fact that there was nothing better than his two favorite women getting along so well.

“I’m joking, babe,” he loses no time and before Amy can add anything he’s pulled her back into the nook of his arm, adding a kiss the top of her head - just for good measure (and because he’s crazy about her). “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

Their golden thread has tied an everlasting knot.

Trying

Jake and Amy trying for a baby had been such a joyous announcement, and Karen will never forget the proud look on her son’s face the day he told her. Although tonight, said proud and happy expression is long gone, forgotten and dissolved by the many months of planning, trying and holding on to their hope.

Jake is once again, as so many times before, on his mother’s sand-colored couch with warm coffee in hand but this time with a look of despair painted across his pale face. While she’s been getting cookies in the kitchen he’s fallen into deep thought and doesn’t say anything for a while. Even after she comes back and sits down across from him. The silence might be needed, Karen thinks and, of course, respects it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t shake her to the core when the next thing he says seems to question every ounce of happiness he’s ever lived.

“What if all along I’ve been the wrong choice? A bad choice.”

His eyes doesn’t budge from the same spot, an old coffee stain on the couch, he’s been staring emptily at for the past minutes. Even as he speaks.

“What if she was supposed to be with someone else. Someone who can give her the family she wants… the family she deserves.”

It doesn’t even sound like a question at this point but rather a horrible fact he states in a moment of frustration and agony, and it ignites a fury within the mother because she knows it’s his anxiety and fear of abandonment speaking. She knows that their love is way bigger than that.

Things are far from easy right now. On the other hand Karen hasn’t witnessed them fight and overcome every obstacle imaginable, everything from a stupid mattress to being sent away to both Florida and prison, only to come to this. This isn’t the tip of the thread. A golden thread isn’t spun without reason. It’s spun for the fated.

“Has Amy ever made a bad choice?” she asks.

For the first time in a long time Jake actually looks at his mom. He pauses but she knows he doesn’t have to think. Karen knows that in his eyes Amy can do no wrong.

“No… I just-”

“Okay, so do you honestly think that her wanting and fighting for a baby with you is a bad choice? Even if it doesn’t come easy.”

There’s another silence, longer this time, which hopefully means that something resonates inside his head even though Karen knows it’s a dark and confusing place right now.

“No, I guess…”

“No, don’t say “you guess”. You know, Jake Peralta. You love Amy and she loves you. I know it seems like life keeps on throwing you curveballs and I wish it wasn’t so, but trust me when I say that it’s not because it’s a wrong or bad choice. You being with Amy is the best, most right doing I’ve ever witnessed, and I’m so proud of it. Stop doubting yourself. Your love is too good for that. You’re too good for that, honey.”

Her voice had started out a bit rough, just to make sure to get her point across, but by her the last sentence it has grown soft like butter and Jake can’t help but fall into his mother’s arms. He knows she’s right and it’s in moments like these that, moments where he wants to give up, he’s glad to have her to fight off his demons.

“I just want to give her everything she deserves, mom,” he mumbles into her shoulder, still holding on for dear life; so closely that Karen swears she can feel his heart breaking against her chest. “And I know I’ve been hesitant about it in the past, but now I just-”

Karen feels him let go of her and straighten his back. His eyes are shiny and there’s so much hope but also hurt in them.

“... I really want to be a dad. I really do. And then I wanna do it right.”

Karen knows what he’s hinting at and the sentiment is so valid even though she’s back together with Roger and their father-son relationship has grown stronger.  

“You will be, honey. One way or another,” she whispers and reaches out to stroke his cheek. “And you will be the best. I promise you.”

Pregnant

Mother knows best, Jake can’t help but think on the magical evening Amy tells him the best thing he’s ever heard: she’s pregnant. The world seems to flourish around him like never before.

Of course the first person he wants to tell is his mom, but him and Amy quickly agree on keeping the amazing news to themselves, or at least until their baby has hit the safety that the 12-week mark comes along with.

Until then Jake and Amy plan on how to break the news to Karen (and Roger, of course) and Jake almost can’t believe it when the day finally arrives. Their 12-week check was just yesterday, and to everyone’s relief and joy their baby is growing as they should and thriving in their mother’s womb. They both shed a tear and ask for an extra set of ultrasound pictures to give to the future grandparents - both on his and Amy’s side.  

During dinner with Karen and Roger the following day, Jake is on the verge of bursting, yelling out the news the very second his parents arrive. Although a humbling squeeze of the hand from his wife keeps him in check until dessert. Here the hand squeeze feels different and Jake knows now is the time.

“By the way,” Jake gets up and heads to the kitchen to get another tub of ice cream. “We have a little extra surprise for dessert…”

Roger and Karen frown in unison as both of them are yet to finish what’s already in their respective bowls. Jake ignores it and comes back with a tub of…

“Lime ice cream?” Roger asks, clearly confused by the very specific flavour.

“I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Karen chuckles, always being the one to lighten the mood.

“Well,” Jake smiles with content as he sits back down. “I promise you: you don’t wanna skip this part. It’s the best.”

And so of course Karen is quickly hands on, pulls off the lid and is ready to dig in with her spoon but halts the second she gets to take a good look at the bucket’s content: a small piece of paper. Neither her or Roger understand a thing, and being too preoccupied by their confusion they fail to notice the wide grins on the other couple’s faces.

Karen takes the leap and digs out the picture quickly noticing something scribbled onto it with neat handwriting - Amy’s, of course.

Hi, grandma and grandpa. I’m now 12 weeks old and the size of a lime! I can’t wait to meet you <3

Karen feels her heart skip a bit, maybe even stop entirely for multiple seconds and looks to Jake and Amy for some kind of approval or… she’s not even sure of what. All she’s sure of is that she’s on the brim of exploding. Her son nods biting down on his bottom lip in excitement, and when she flips the piece of paper she’s met by the most wonderful picture she’s ever seen: their future grandchild, tiny as can be, in black and white, and completely perfect.

Karen tears her eyes away from her grandchild to look at her son to be met by his almost trembling voice and shiny eyes.  

“Good thing my mom was right when she told me that I would be a dad some day.”

Jake’s eyes are so sincere with tears threatening to spill as he holds his mother’s gaze talking directly to her, and it’s safe to say there’s waterfall’s worth of happy tears that evening.

Welcoming mac

The day Mac is born Jake feels as if his heart is suddenly beating and living outside of his chest in the shape of his son. There’s so much love even before their son officially arrives, but nothing can possibly top the feeling of holding him in his arms feeling the infant’s hand wraps around Jake’s thumb. Love is shooting through the roof and up to the moon. Never before has Jake felt so much love for someone’s he’s just met before and it’s scary in the best way.

He’s sitting in an armchair by Amy’s hospital bed, his wife fast asleep after the most exhausting hours of her life, when the door to their room pops open. He doesn’t even bother looking up at first as he’s too busy gazing lovingly at the bundle of love in his arms.

“Oh my goodness.”

Jake head perks up immediately recognizing the sound of his mother’s voice. By now she’s closing the door behind her, quietly.

“Hi, mom. Come say hi.”

Karen can hear his smittenness in his voice and sits down on a smaller chair next to him to better see her brand new grandson. It’s immediately clear as day that the newest Peralta is the perfect mix of both parents. Chubby cheeks, dark hair, full lips and a nose she’s gonna want to kiss over and over again.

“Meet McClane. Mac for short,” Jake informs her stroking his son’s chubby cheek.

“It’s perfect,” Karen clucks and follows suit stroking Mac’s other cheek. “He’s beautiful, honey. You must be so proud. I know I am.”

For various obvious reasons Jake has always struggled with acknowledging pride - even when he’s clearly felt it, he’s found it difficult to say it out loud or fully believe it. Today is different though and he wants to scream it from the rooftops: he’s so freaking proud of his beautiful baby son and his incredible wife.

He smiles fondly as he nods in agreement.

“I really am, mom. Proud of myself but especially of Amy. I’ll explain it further later but I Amy went into labor at the precinct, I was out helping with the blackout and almost missed the birth. I just barely got there before Mac was born and Amy managed everything like a pro. I can’t believe I’ve made a human with her. She’s the best… I’m so lucky.”

Jake looks at Karen sensing that she’s going to speak.

“I can’t imagine any other person for you than her, and together you’ve formed a beautiful little family, honey. One to be very proud of, so don’t forget to give in to that feeling, okay?”

Karen hand travels from sleeping Mac’s cheek to her son’s curly hair, on a mission to stroke it like she always would when he was a child and it prompts Jake to lean his head onto her shoulder. From his new vantage point he looks back at Mac, then Amy.

They’re his whole world, his two ends meeting and Karen can only sit by to admire the scene before her. Never has Karen felt more sure of the fact that there was always one single thread of gold tying Jake to Amy.

(And Mac).

[peter-pan-on-neverland]

A Little Game

Request: Can you write an imagine for spin the bottle with Felix please 😭❤ the headcanon was so perfect I died🥵😍😍😍 But Felix is more like the violent ruthless second in command so everyone is S H O C K E D when you two actually kiss. (And maybe the other lost girls, if there are any, are even scared of Felix) He doesn't talk much but later approaches you and maybe some smut happens????🤷‍♀️❤❤❤

Pairings: Felix x reader

Warnings: smut ;) 

The night was like any other, lost boys cheered and danced wildly around the roaring flames of the camp fire, the heat of it so strong I could feel it tickle my face. Shouts of happiness and cheers of joy filled my ear as I sat silently on a cold log, watching the boys have their fun while I was at a distance. I was never one for dancing, I would always freeze up or grow embarrassed, worrying about weather I was doing it wrong or if the boys would all start laughing at me.

The sharp sound of a whistle cut through the air, causing everyone to come to a halt.

"Boys." The mischievous, familiar voice of the leader spoke up, "how about we play a game?"

All the boys growled in excitement, cheering and hollering at the thought.

"Truth or dare!"

"Capture the flag!"

“Seven minutes in Haven!”

“Hide and Seek!”

They all started to bombard the brown haired boy with suggestions, desperately trying to come up with a good game to play.

Silently, the tall, dark figure which loomed close to the king turned on his heels, bending down and fishing a shiny object out of the lush green bushes. He rolled it around in his large hand for a while, his jaggard scar seeming to pop of his face like inspiring words from a page in the glow of the fire, lighting up all of his sharp features like Christmas. The elf-like boy turned to him with a dark grin plastered on his face, taking what appeared to be a rum bottle out of the second in commands hand.

"How about spin the bottle," He suggested as the boys eagerly nodded in agreement, "what do you say lost girl? Will you be joining us?"

Without letting a word slip past my lips, I absentmindedly nodded whilst the boys sat in a circle, I got up to join without realizing what I had just gotten myself into. 

Not even a second had slipped by before the leader of the rowdy group of lost boys wrapped his fingers around the empty bottle of rum, itching to spin it and find out who it would land on. We all lent in closer, our curious eyes watching the shiny object spin around and around before gradually slowing to a halt, the neck pointing directly at Nick.

Everyone could see the colour visibly drain from the poor lost boys face as he eyed everyone around him, deciding who in his eyes would be the best person to kiss in this situation. That’s when those big, brown eyes scanned over me, his orbs drinking every inch of me up, making the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach grown more and more intense with each passing second. I felt the need to hide my already covered body from his eyes grasp, clutching my cloak in my hands and dragging it over my body even tighter as if it were a barrier, stopping him from having a peak. 

“Nick,” Pan clapped his hands, desperately wanting to see how this plays out, “Look’s like you’re up first.”

The lost boy reluctantly took hold of the bottle, flicking his wrist before it spun out of control on the floor in front of us, I could feel his hungry eyes on me. The boys had never tried anything with me before, they were more like protective brothers than they were boyfriend material, but they had also never seen a girl in years. 

However, there was one person that intrigued me, the mysterious second in command, he never had much to say, always hiding in Pan’s shadow. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what this boy was really like, who he really was. It was as if Pan had trapped him in a bottle, never giving him enough time or space to do his own thing outside of his orders and chores other than fight, and trust me he was good at it. He had made a reputation for himself, and not a good one, he was known to be calm most of the time but when provoked all hell would break lose, and God help whoever pisssed him off. 

As my mind wondered, so did my eyes. Peering over at the ruthless teenager, I found him already looking in my direction, flashing me a menacing smirk before his icy eyes were once again glued to the moving bottle. Shivers ran up and down my spine at his action, did I do something to upset him?

“David!” A British voice sounded, snapping me out of my thoughts, “Looks like you’re up.”

The boys started to grow more and more excited, shouting and hollering as the two drew nearer to each other before their lips finally touched for a split second. They both recoiled back in disgust, Nick vigorously wiping lips as David continuously spat on the floor. 

“Now, who wants to go next?” Pan asked, everyone was silent not wanting to kiss one of their so called brothers.

“I’ll go.” A deep voice sounded from a short distance.

Heads sharply turned to the source of the voice, mouths dropped open and eyes popped out when they saw none other than the second in command reaching for the bottle. The only sound which flooded the island was that of the rum bottle spinning on its side and the silent shock of every living creature that walked upon this lands soil, even Pan, his best friend was at a loss for words.

Everyone’s eyes were still glued to the blonde giant as he watched the bottle spin round and round, his stormy blue eyes were fixated on it, as if it put him under some kind of spell. No one dared to even breath as the bottle began to come to a stop, eager to see who it would land on, but at the same time praying to whatever God there was out there that it wouldn’t land on them.  

Before I even realized what was happening, all eyes were on me. The curious look was evident on my face as the lost boys eyes darted from me to the bottle, I felt my blood run cold as my eyes glided towards the second in command.

I knew, deep down I knew Felix would never kiss me, I always had this feeling that he despised me which only made me want to find out more about him. But alas, the jumped up to his feet, stalking closer and closer towards me, I peered into those ice like orbs before he pulled me in. Our lips were introduced to each other as his hand snaked around my waist, it felt like some kind of invisible force was making my fingers tangle themselves in his hair, but I knew I had secretly been hoping for this. 

It’s funny, I didn’t expect it to be like this, his lips were warm and soft, welcoming my own with open arms. At first it was strange but after a couple seconds I felt safe for some reason, like I wanted to be there, 

He pulled away, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to pull him back in for another one, but I couldn’t, instead I could feel every ounce of blood in my body rush to my cheeks.

The entire camp was engulfed in silence, no one knowing what to say next as their eyes were glued on the two of us.

“Hey guys!” A drunken Nibs stumbled out of the bushes, carrying a crate full to the brim with bottle and bottles of rum, “Look what I found!”

I let out an audible sigh as all the attention suddenly shifted from me to Nibs, my cheeks were still red from blushing as I felt Felix’s hot breath travel down the nape of my neck, sending shivers to run up and down my spine.

Without thinking, I shot up out of my seat, needing a distraction from what had just happened. I zoomed towards the crate, telling myself that in this moment it was all I needed. I chugged and chugged and chugged, letting to cool liquid pour down my throat, the burn didn’t bother me, I needed a way to cool down and fast.

One by one the lost boys all followed my actions, picking up a bottle for themselves and drinking the night away, liveliness flooded the island once again as laughter filled the air and the boys began to dance around the fire. Sooner or later I found myself sat in a small circle of friends, laughing and drinking, just having a good time, when a certain boy invaded my thoughts. 

I would love to tell myself that I quickly forgot about the kiss, but the truth is I couldn’t get it out of my head. The way his lips drew in closer to meet my own caused the blush on my face to intensify, and the way he held me close made me feel -

I need to stop, what am I even thinking? This is Felix we’re on about here, the guy who is supposed to be one of my brothers, but he made me feel so... No.

“I think that’s enough for one night boys,” I spoke, slowly raising to me feet, “I’m off, night.”

A choir of voices followed after me, all sending me off with good residence and wishing me a good nights sleep.

My feet began to plant themselves in the ground, waving goodnight as I absentmindedly walked forwards and.....BAM! Just my luck.

“Sorry I wasn’t-” I started to splutter out an apology as fast as I could.

“It’s okay.” A husky voice replied, causing my blood to run hot with embarrassment, I shot up as if I were standing to attention.

“I-I’m just gonna go to sleep,” I said, practically running away from the situation I was currently in, “Night!”

When I arrived at my tent, I flopped down onto my bed, wanting nothing more then blissful sleep to take over my body, but a lass, it didn’t. I lay there in thought for what felt like an eternity when it actual fact it had been nothing more than a few mere minutes. The clock slowly ticked by as I tried my hardest to push all my thoughts aside, desperately wanting the blonde boy to leave my thoughts but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. 

I thought of his smile, his hair, his scar, his laugh, the way his eyes always seemed to light up with joy whenever Pan announced we would be having cake for dessert, the way the called my name in order to capture my attention.

Y/n.

Y/n.

“Y/n.” A deep voice called, my ears instantly perked up, I know who that voice belonged to.

Shock over took my body and before I knew it my tiny frame had rolled off the bed, was that really him? Or was that all in my head?

“Um... are you awake?” He sounded again, concern and slight disappointment coated his words.

“Just a second!” I spoke, hoping that the tall, blonde boy wouldn’t leave, I shot up, fiddling with my hair for what felt like an eternity, wanting to look presentable for him. 

I dashed towards the fabric door of my tiny house, pulling it aside to find Felix standing there. His dark cloak hung on his shoulders and wooden club was slung carelessly over his shoulders.

 “Hey.” I said, my voice coming out as nothing more than a weak whisper, “What’s up?”

“Um..” He began, his eyes darting everywhere but refusing to meet my own.

This is new, I had never seen the mighty second in command nervous before.

“Well.... I wanted to...” He awkwardly chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, he couldn’t get any words out. Before I knew it I was being pulled towards him by my collar, his fingers tightly gripping the fabric of my cloak before his lips smashed into mine once again.

I seemed to lose myself in him, wanting nothing more than to be right here with him, in this very moment. He pushed me back, walking inside my tent before guiding my small body down. My back hit the soft, welcoming covers as he crawled on top of me, my hands found themselves in his hair, just where they had longed to be all night.

He placed his knee in between my leg, genitally rubbing the area which needed some kind of friction the most. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop a small whimper sounding from my lips. I could feel him smirking as he deepened the kiss, leaning into me more and more as if he were trying to trap me, making sure I would be there with him for as long as I could.

His rough hands snaked all over my body, exploring, finding out the places I liked to be touched the most. In one swift movement my cloak was torn off my body in power hungry lust, leaving me completely exposed in front of him.

I could feel his ice cold eyes roll over my exposed skin, causing goose-bump to form all over my arms and legs.

“There’s no need to be nervous,” He said, his voice coming out as a mere whisper, “Yo’re beautiful.”

Light pink dust coated my cheeks as the words left his lips, there no way he could really think that, I must be sweaty from all of the training I had to do that day and I hadn’t had enough time to wash some of the dirt off my face. Yet the second in command couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off me, drinking up the sight of my body as if he were addicted.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” He spoke before attaching his lips to my neck leaving a trail of sweet, slopping kisses all the way down to my collarbone.

Tiny pants and gasps slipped passed my rosy lips as the sucked and bit down on all the right places, ”Felix.”

As soon as his name was moaned into the night sky, something inside him snapped, as if the beast which lurked inside had just been let out of it’s cage.

He sat up, slipping off whatever clothes he had left on, leaving little to nothing to the imagination. He wasn’t lanky, which I expected him to be, toned muscles clung to his arms and back, I had to fight the urge to physically drool over him.

It was as if I were in a trance, completely captivated by his body, I didn’t even realize his hands reaching out towards me before his long fingers were suddenly wrapped around my neck. It was a slightly uncomfortable feeling, but not one I was apposed to.

It made me feel as though I was completely and utterly dominated by him, I felt like I should do everything he told me, I wanted to do everything he told me.

His hard cock pressed against my leg and I could feel the smirk on my face grow as I teased him, stroking his length. I could see it in his face that if I carried on any more sweet grunts of ecstasy would come tumbling out of his mouth, the though of that only made my temptation intensify.

Felix bit his lip, letting out sighs of happiness as he threw his head back, incoherent whispered sounded from his mouth.

“Fuck.” The second in command whispered, grabbing my shoulder and quickly flipping me over so that I lay on top of him. His eager hands flew to my hair, slightly pushing me further and further down his body.

I smiled happily as I sank down to the place I wanted to be the most, taking his long member into my hand, I licked a long stripe all the way up from the base to the tip before taking as much of him as I could in my mouth. Sucking and swirling my tongue around the tip until my name frequently fell from his lips.

“Y/n,” That and the prominent sound of slurping was the only thing that filled the air.

I took his cock in between my teeth, slowly, but carefully pulling my head back as I peered into his cold, blue eyes.

When I was done I crawled back up, catching his lips on mine once more, like we had done so many times this night. I straddled him, grinding my wet pussy on his hard member before positioning him at my entrance.

A loud moan escaped my lips as I lowered myself onto him, it took no effort for him to fill me up completely.

Slowly, my hips started to grind as deep moans filled the room, his fingernails dug into the flesh on my thighs, only making me wetter. Once I had adjusted to up, I began to bounce up and down as I threw my head back in pleasure, his lips found themselves playing with my nipples, sucking and biting as I moaned into the night sky.

“Um, Felix.” Was the only thing I could say at this moment in time, no other words came to mind, only him.

My thrust grew sloppy and legs grew weak, I was tired but I couldn’t bring myself to stop, not when I was so close to tipping over the edge.

“Getting tired?” He breathy asked with a smirk on his lips.

My blushing face nodded in response, “I’m so close.” I moaned.

Without warning the second in command grabbed my arms, forcing me to stop. He positioned himself at my entrance, dipping his tip in and out of me before going in all the way hitting all the right places.

“Felix, Felix, Felix.” I said, wanting him, needing him, practically begging for my release.

It wasn’t long before all my juices were coating him, which triggered his own undoing. I could feel his seed slowly drip out of my as I lay down beside him.

Neither of us said anything for a while, just sitting in comfortable silence before I started to drift off into blissful sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yo, I know I said I would post every satarday (and I will!) shits been kinda wack😂, I did promise you guys an explanation and you will get one either today or tomorrow, I promise! ❤

I know its monday, don't worry I'm already writing more so you'll still get a story on Satarday! 🙃

This us also one of my longest stories!! I'm so proud! 🥰

I love you all and I'm so sorry!! 💚💗💓💞💕💘💝❣💔💖

[blorbosexterminator]

AND I am back. Once again on this lovely day to give my review for the EPISODE 24 so, here we go :

Agustin is squinting his eyes at him, as Sergio keeps muttering that Agustin has in fact done what he just mentioned he did and which both of them have known for years. 

Federico is 99% dead?! Damn, what is Sergio's gonna do?! Make it 100% ? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

(I got a feeling that Federico is the kidnapper or atleast a very important lead to them)

Btw, WHO IS FEDERICO?! Tatiana's alive husband?!

(Look at me, hoping like a moron she aint dead

My dog : Yep, total moron 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me :

Me : NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR BITCH-ASS OPINION, YOU DUMB-FUCK DONKEY!!!! 😡😡😡)

Martin, my darling, my sweetheart, my poor angel. Nada, some help? Atleast gimme some tips, bruh, come on, you cant desert me like that. Not when I need to help someone 🙁🙁🙁

since, drunk, the last idea he got was that Laura turned out to be completely insane and kidnapped Andrés to marry him

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Martin, honey, stop drinking. This getting out of hand 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. But then again, Andres is so hot poor thing keeps on doubting.

As Roci said in one of the tags, his wives deserve the highest civilian award for putting up with him.

(Although, I just had a frisky thought. What if Sergio wanted Andres away from Martin, not because he cared bout his hermano but......😳😳😳😳😳 *whispers loudly* he wanted Andres all for himself? In *frantically looks around* INCEST WAY?!)

(Calm down, my deranged mind, you went too far 🤣🤣🤣)

Who knows, it could be the professor he punched in the middle of an exam once. Martín doesn’t think he has forgiven him.

Mood, bruh, such a mood 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NO, OMG 😆😆😆 I didnt do it, but I do kinda have a beef with my Organic prof. I'll go off tangent again, so tell me if you wanna know the story.

He sent Silene in disguise to collect the cctv from the nearby shops and streets. His own cctv has been disabled since the IT bitch ruined it, Martín will kill him when he gets them back.

I think if and only IF Silene finds something good, her % of redemption will increase.

(Raquel s2e7 deja vu, I see what you did there 😏)

And Martin about to go John Wick on anyone & everyone. I tell ya Keanu Reeves will be crying when he sees Martin go nuts. I am willing to bet he'll pull a gun on the poor milkman, who just wanna do his job 😆😆😆

So he calls Bogota, with a little (not that little) handwritten list in his hand with the names of people he thinks he might have ruined their life in the past. 

Martin : Okay, I'll just take out the list and

*the paper rolls out the door, travels around the world for 5 times and comes back while going over top of Everest and bottom of Marina Trench*

No, it’s because when he hated Martín, he had always hated him openly. If he wanted to hurt him, then he’d just try to stab him in the middle of the living room.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

“Bogota, did Tatiana have any family?”

“No, who of us did, Martín?”

“You literally have 7 children and 7 ex-wives.”

COMEDY GOLD, NADA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

“Those kids are ungrateful bastards, if I fall dead tomorrow they would just run to see what they’ve inherited.”

Aka THE PLOT of 70% Indian Telenovas 🤣🤣🤣. Also this line alone has so much soap opera vibes 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

He has no choice but to go to fucking Sergio Marquina. And if it’s his wife, then even better. Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer. 

For fuck sake, Martín, Ive been telling you from last 2 ep

Stop. Blaming. Raquel.

Also, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 damn, these 2 assholes cant keep away from each other. Nada, are we sure these 2 married the right people? As much I am a Berlermo ship stan, this here is just smth else 😆😆😆

Uh-oh 🙁 this asshole son of a bitch just poked the mama bear. And if ANDRES of all people narrows his eyes at you, You are, quoting Martin from last ep, truly, utterly, entirely, thoroughly and wholly fucked.

“Do you know him?”

“Oh yes, a childhood friend, I stole his pencil once and he never forgave me. Have you heard this Paula? Don’t steal your friends’ pencils, they will never get over the betrayal. You could steal the teacher’s ones though.”

“Why did you steal his pencil?” Paula asked seriously, with a delirious tone, and too tired to even move her head upwards. Raquel is gonna kill every single person involved for doing this to her daughter.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Sassy Andres = Best Andres. Words that should be written with GOLD. Wisdom passed onto generations

Poor Paula 🤣🤣🤣 I just imagine this in some other situation :

Andres : *saying smth smth*

Paula : *taking notes & asking questions*

Raquel after seeing her daughter :

Look what you made me do

🎶But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do🎶

(Look what you made me do by Taylor Swift)

I am telling you Nada, by the time Raquel will be done with everyone, Uma Thurman will cry buckets because no one, okay?, no one can compete with A MAMA BEAR RAQUEL MURILLO.

“Poison is a woman’s choice of weapon, Anibal. Don’t be disrespectful.”

Again, words of wisdom. Only time hes not being a misogynist.

Also, Andres, my dear, are you speaking this from experience?

(Why do I think that Martin got Tatiana killed cause she poisoned him and Martin had to watch Andres fight for his life in hospital?)

“He won’t say anything, Mama. He’s the one who kidnapped grandma with Silene!”

Is anyone gonna listen to her? Or do I need to bonk Raquel myself? 🤦‍♀️

“Silence!” she screams. “I need to know everything that happened, if we’re getting out of here alive.” 

FINALLY!!!! SOME COMMON SENSE!!!! WE THANK THE LORD FOR MERCY!!!

And as for me, its time for me to say goodbye and goodnight (Cause its quarter to 12 rn in my watch)

AND ILL SEE YALL TOMORROW 🤗 BYE!!! 🙋‍♀️

I'm back as well! And we've finally caught up with each other.

Valid reaction. Sergio is also slowly going insane. Love that for him.

He's hoping he could. We all know this family has beef with that last one percentage.

(we'll see👀👀👀)

Hope is all we got at this point afabgs.

Now, now, don't speak to him like that. He has valid criticism.

I'd help him if I could, but alas (lmfao no, I do love them suffering)

Same recommendation. But he just, poor boy, could nothing to think of. So might as well be Laura. (also fair, who knows, maybe Andrés gets constantly kidnapped and forced into marriage)

Definitely, she's 100%. I really don't know how they do it.

Avsnsjsvjshsjs all theories are valid. Maybe Sergio does want Martín or Andrés, who knows what goes in the head of that fucker.

Seems like an interesting story! I never got along with my chemistry teachers. (Got one once to tell me that he's still not kicking me out of class only because he feels bad for my parents that they have to deal with me and they'll be the ones who will have to deal with the mess lmfao.)

Yes, have some faith in her!

100% accurate. Martín is this close from just shooting random people in the supermarket because they also could be the ones who kidnapped Andrés.

HAHAHA YES. This is exactly how the scene went.

We stan honesty in this house.

So happy you found it funny!!

I can confirm! Like 70% of all Egyptian drama as well.

I don't think he's hearing you well. But afnajscsgsh SAME. Okay look, now I really understand show runners with super homoerotic ships that they refuse to make canon. You try and make two male characters hate each other so much for plot then it slips and gets homoerotic.

Totally agree. This guy isn't making enemies with the right people (they are all dumb, but also none of them have anything that even resembles a moral compass)

Totally agree. This guy is honestly super amusing to watch and it's mainly because he's incapable of taking any situation in life seriously.

This family is really iconic. (love the song agsnsg) but also like Raquel would basically tell her after writing done his notes just put the title on top: things to never, ever, do.

I believe you! They really fucked with the wrong dumb family.

I mean, he's still a misogynist. Maybe some of us really like dagger, has he considered that?

That's as valid theory as any right there.

Hopefully Raquel will finally start listening to the child!

Raquel is the only one with a semblance of common sense.

Hope you had a good sleep! I'll see you tomorrow!

[ificanthaveu]

Dani Reviews Wonder

hello, I'm well aware no one asked for this but this is the only way I can order my thoughts on an album and when Romance came out, someone literally asked me to fully review it and I've never forgotten about that and I loved writing a full review so hello here I am

I hate that I have to do this but DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions. I get that you may not agree with them and that’s totally cool, but if you come into my inbox attacking my opinions on a song, I will not answer it and it will be deleted without a second thought. Let’s discuss the songs, not tear each other apart 

and LET’S GO

1. INTRO

Ok so I typically do nothing with intros because I usually think they’re a waste of time. HOWEVER, I really like this one. Now that we’ve heard the whole album, it really encapsulates the entire feel of the rest of the album. It’s been on my playlist since it’s been released and I'm obsessed with it. The soft little piano in the beginning is just perfect and I really love the build up. (not many lyrics to chose from here ope)

You have a million different faces, but they'll never understand unless you let them in

2. WONDER

I never did a full analysis like I was going to for this song. However, I’m going to do like half of one here. I honestly feel like he can be talking about himself, his fans or a girl. You can see it in all 3 ways. I also just feel like there are some lyrics in this where I'm like YES. It reminds me a little bit of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift in the fact that we expect so much from celebrities and like.....why??? It’s just kind of fucked. I think this is honestly such a good single and I really really love it. I feel like it’s just really pure?? if that makes sense. Like he’s just being like “I wonder why it is like this.” and the BRIDGE ugh she's so beautiful.

I wonder why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong. I never said I was a saint.

3. HIGHER

A CERTIFIED BOP. It’s just so lively and upbeat and I wanna dance and I CANNOT WAIT to hear this live. It’s going to be absolutely insane. Blasted it on my way to get coffee this morning. And the lyrics are so lovey and cute but the beat is just too fkn good. I feel like it’s a very common theme in this album to be like “with you, nothing else matters” and like...can’t relate but ALAS I love the music about it anyway.

All eyes are lookin' at us but I can't stop fallin' in love

4. 24 HOURS

OH BOY time to FKN CRY. I absolutely love how old timey it feels. Especially the beginning, it makes me think of 50s music and I’ve been on a big 50s kick recently. Again he’s just so loud about being I don’t care what anyone thinks because I love you and I know it’s you and like YES PLEASE. and just being so in love that you’d throw it all away to come home to that person every day. I really love how the lyrics start with him being like I don’t know how to do this at all but I love you so lets go from there and then figure out the rest. And quoting “only fools rush in” made me so emotional. I love how simple the music is behind it because I think it really encapsulates the feeling of the song. It’s so hard to pick a favorite lyrics for this song my god.

(Besides the entire chorus) I paint the world that you deserve, every color you'd imagine

5. TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

UMMMM OK???? Very Justin Timberlake vibes for me personally. Very 70s. Very vibey. “Draw a map for me laced with strawberries” ???? HOMIES I cannot I genuinely cannot. As sexual as this is, I also think it’s just so PURE. Like just teach me what’s best for you and I’ll do it. Also like...Shawn say “fuck” challenge like homie you could’ve just said it. Please. I also feel like if I was in love with someone, it’d hit different but for me it is just so FUN and I love the guitar parts a TOn. Like Idk how you can’t just get up and dance to this. Also this one live is going to be other worldly. And “babe I won’t stop til you feel the rush” I MEANNNN

F'ing me up, I'm what you dеserve

6. CALL MY FRIENDS

Ok, so idk what to really say about this one. I like the concept. I think the concept itself is really sweet and fuck it hits different when you’re away from all your friends especially during quarantine and college in general. Like I was (still am) on the phone with my friends constantly, because like Shawn said, they know me better than any one else ever will because they watched me go and grow through it. It’s also just sad because we grow up and grow apart and fuck it’s HARD. I’m not a huge fan of the chorus and I think that’s the main thing for me. The verses are sweet, but idk really about the chorus. I’m just indifferent about the chorus. But there are just lyrics in here that really hit me like “I miss how it was when we we wished we were older.” that one really gets me. 

I know you gotta make some sacrifices, I don't wanna be alone for one more night

7. DREAM

Ok I LOVE THIS SONG but I have to first get something off my chest. The first time I listened to it, I could only think of the dream song from shark boy and lava girl. I don’t know why. But I’m done with that now. Moving on. This song is just so sweet and lovey and I’m obsessed with it. I really like the rhythm of it?? I think that’s the word I’m looking for idk. ALSO him talking about their little touch bracelets like wtf why is no one in love with me. I honestly don’t have much to say about this except that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it. I kinda feel like this song could be in a movie?? you feel me??? The echoey “dream”s are also just GORGEOUS, also how it gets so soft at the end fuck I love this song. And if I think too much about it I’ll cry, but the parallels between Dream and Dream of You

I don't wanna wake up without you laying next to me

8. SONG FOR NO ONE

This song makes me sad. Very sad. God, just the feeling of having a notification and wanting it to be that one person and it just never is but every time you’re like ok but what if. I was thinking about this last night and the way I see it is that he’s made it clear all of his songs are for/about Camila. So I feel like this one is very guard up, being like “no no this isn’t about you, I swear I’m not writing songs about you. it’s about no one. it’s just something I made up” which just makes it all so much harder. Also the use of “someone” instead of “her” or “you” is also very like “I’m not going to say it.” It’s just all very sad because you have to imagine everyone asking him all the time who his songs are about and he just had to keep saying “no one.” This is the first time where he’s actually been able to say “HEY THEY’RE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.” And like fuck, finally. Also imagining Shawn drunk calling her and her having to say she doesn’t feel the same. AND when he's like it’s fine I’ll be fine anyway as his voice kind of trails off like GOD that feeling HURTS. I just have way too much to say about this song because I think you can go really deep into it on what the years before Camila and him started dating were really like for him. 

Close my eyes, things are better in my dreams, 'cause I'm with someone, someone I adore

9. MONSTER

I won’t say too much about this bc this song has been out for a little bit, so I’ll make this a little more personal. my friend Han is a HUGE Justin fan and I am pretty obviously a HUGE Shawn fan. and we’d always be like “omg what if” but we thought it was never going to happen so when rumors started circulating about this, we were fucking freaking out. This song is literally our dream collab. I think Justin was the perfect person for this song because of his time in the public eye. And just the whole song being like “you put me up here, so I guess you’re the only one who can push me off.” And it is pretty fucked how we put celebrities on these pedestals and expect them to not make any mistakes at all when we are constantly making them. It’s just hypocritical. It’s also hard to pick a favorite lyric for this one because I think there are a lot that hit hard so I’m doing a fave Shawn and fave Justin

Raise me up into the sky until I'm short of breath // ‘Cause unforgiveness keeps them in control

10. 305

This one surprised me in the best way. I have no idea what I was expecting for this song but god I LOVE IT. I’m obsessed with it and want to jam forever. Just very boppy??? and so HAPPY. I get so smiley when I listen to it. “Waiting for the moment that you’ll let me down” just stuck out to me because I feel like that’s such a universal feeling. Like when everything’s going so good and you’re like....ok what’s about to go wrong. I’m literally dancing in my seat to this baby. The chorus is so catchy and I really wish I was in love pt 358933. I think this may be crowned as my favorite on the album. It’s just so fun and full of love. 

Would take my heart with you if you walked away

11. ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I have been looking forward to this one and she did not disappoint!! Again, this man is screaming about how in love he is and yes, sir I’m listening. You’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to!!!!! And just the very loud instrumental with the soft “always been you”s is SO GOOD. The boy who’s really underneath all the scars and insecurities!!! God, I just feel like this one is especially raw about love. And for the thousandth time, really wish I was in love to fully feel this but STILL it has such a good beat but is still so so soft. 

Full of words I don't know how to say

12. PIECE OF YOU

Heavily reminds me of Jealous by Nick Jonas and I am HERE FOR IT. I feel like we haven’t gotten a ton of this blatant jealousy from him and the HONESTY of this is very like yes I'm possessive. I’m so into you it hurts!!! The counting is also.....hot. Idk why but I love a song that’s very like “yes I'm protective and pathetic and reckless and what about it???” Again, love the beat. A little 80s in my opinion (here’s me remembering it’s MJ inspired lmao). 

From the second you walked in the room, my night is ruined

13. LOOK UP AT THE STARS

*deep breath bc I love this song so much* ok so I read the lil things Spotify had underneath before each song and I cried immediately when I just READ that it was for the fans and then listening to it in that light just killed me. ALSO if you saw his insta live last night he was literally like “look up at the stars!! remember that one!!” and now I'm like OK THANKS. Anyways, It is so soft and fuck it’s so meaningful. This is one of my favorites for sure. It’s literally like he’s sending you away from the concert and this would be such a good closing song (I know it won’t be but I can dream). I’m crying again but “I'm not going to let you down”??? PLEASE I JUST. Calling us angels!! I’LL NEVER BE ALONE Y’ALL I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH. Never Be Alone has very much turned into our song with Shawn as his way to be like hey I’m always here so YOU’LL never be alone, and now here he is saying because YOU ALL are here I am never going to be alone. AND FUCK IT HITS DIFFERENT. AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN WONDERLAND WITH YOU!!!! God I’m just a puddle after this one

the streetlights are all saying your name, they always say your name

14. CAN’T IMAGINE

he wrote this on his own and yes I'm emotional about it. I don’t think he’s released a song he’s written on his own since handwritten revisited??? (correct me if I'm wrong) but even that alone is enough for me to know he’s getting way more confident in his music. I think it’s a really good closing because it’s so soft and acoustic and very true to him as he started. The raspiness and realness of it even with the lil thing he says at the end. AGAIN, why tf have I not felt a love like this yet??? Of course, I’m just going to not think of it romantically but just having those people where you can’t even begin to even think about what your life would be like without them. Like I think the lack of descriptors is actually really powerful because like...he can’t imagine it, he can’t explain it so let me just tell you that I genuinely don’t know what would happen if you weren’t here. It closes out the album perfectly (not many lyrics to pick from here lmao)

Without you, all things right would feel so wrong

OVERALL - I honestly really like it there are a bunch of songs I can see myself listening to for a WHILE but there are a few that I'm very eh on as well. I really like the sound of it and the production and just the ~feel~ of the whole album

TOP 3

1. 305

2. Look Up At The Stars

3. 24 Hours

Honorary mentions: Dream and Teach Me How To Love

[bhandarimarblekishangarh]

We assure you of excellence in quality

From the shimmering aura of the Taj Mahal to the humble floor of your home’s bathroom, marble is one of the world’s most revered and useful natural materials. Marble is Michelangelo’s David, the Washington Monument, and the Duomo of Florence. It is also the primary ingredient in Tums antacid.

Tune into any kitchen design message board and you’ll encounter a sharp divide over the utility of marble. Some people wouldn’t dream of designing a kitchen without marble. Others decry that choice, citing marble’s imperfections and fragility. Many are caught somewhere in the middle: in love with marble’s irresistible appeal, but uncertain if it’s the right choice for their circumstance. In an attempt to create the “perfect” material, legions of synthetic products claim to look “just like marble,” but marble enthusiasts aren’t swayed. Few stones can match the warm glow, the softly flowing colors, the timelessness, and the authenticity of marble. There’s good reason this stone has been used for over 5,000 years.

A seabed, transformed

Marble is a metamorphic rock; it once was a different kind of rock, and was then transformed by a change of circumstance. Before marble becomes marble, it is first limestone, which forms on the shores and floors of tropical seas. Limestone is an accumulation of shells, shelly fragments, microscopically tiny shells, and dissolved shells. Depending on the conditions at a particular beach or sea, limestone’s shelly sediment may be punctuated with occasional layers of clay or lenses of sand. But by and large, limestone is an assortment of shell-remnants, which are made of the mineral calcite.

The tropical shoals that give rise to limestone do not stay peaceful indefinitely. Oceans are basically geologic conveyor belts. The ocean floor slowly spreads apart from the centre and slips underneath continents at the edges, gradually rearranging the map of the world.

When a limestone seabed gets dragged down into the Earth’s crust, the additional heat transforms the calcite grains and fuses them together tightly. The dynamic action of rock layers as they become buried, twisted, and shoved around causes the original flat-lying layers to bend, buckle, and swirl together. A rock in this heated state doesn’t melt. It’s simply warm and flexible, much like a chocolate bar left in your pocket. This process of heating and warping is responsible for marble’s trademark aesthetic of gracefully flowing bands of color. The grey swirls in marble are simply clay layers that got folded, smeared, and re-folded into the marble like a ribbon of chocolate infused throughout fudge ripple ice cream.

Patterns and color-ways give marble versatility and character

Part of what makes natural stone so appealing is the huge range of colors and variations expressed in solid rock. On one hand, these patterns tug on our heartstrings and offer aesthetic possibilities. On the other hand, each of these variations has its root in some sort of geologic process.

Most marble is white. The classic, white marble is pure calcite, without intervening minerals to lend it color. Yule and Thassos marbles are well-known examples of pristine white marbles. Marble can take on a delightful range of hues and textures. Pink marble is tinted by iron oxide, as is golden marble. Green marble and deep red marble contain serpentine, rich in magnesium. Fossil-rich limestone becomes graphite-infused marble, as the carbon in fish, algae, or seaweed reverts back to the elemental carbon in graphite when the rock is heated. Graphite-rich marble is steely grey with a metallic glimmer.

A marble breccia is formed when the stone fractures underground, which can happen if a stone lives in a fault zone. Mineral-laden groundwater comes to the rescue, filling in the voids and patching the fragments back into a solid mass, while creating a spectacular pattern at the same time. Arabescato is a beautiful example of a marble breccia.

It’s important to understand the properties of marble

The mineral content of marble is the same as the limestone it came from, and both of these stones are made of calcite, AKA calcium carbonate, AKA CaCO3. Calcite is one of the more common minerals on Earth’s surface; in addition to limestone and marble, calcite is the primary ingredient in travertine and onyx.

Calcite has a few properties that you should know about before you fall head over heels in love with a stunning marble slab. Calcite is 3 on Mohs hardness scale, which means it will get scratched by knife blades, ceramics, and a cast iron skillet accidentally slid across the kitchen island.

Calcite is also chemically reactive with common acids, such as those found in lemonade, wine, and colas. When acidic liquids land on a marble slab, a tiny amount of the stone is dissolved, or “etched.” This doesn’t affect the integrity of the stone, but it does leave a slight change in the color and/or lustre of the stone. On a polished stone, an etch looks like an unpolished area.

Etches can be polished out, or they can be left alone and considered part of the natural patina that marble will acquire over time.

Marble is ground up into antacid tablets because calcite neutralizes acid, which makes your stomach feel better. That also explains why acid makes a mark on marble. The marble reacts with the acid, neutralizing the acid, but damaging your countertop in the meantime. Ironically, when your teenager dribbles pickle juice on a brand-new countertop, you may find yourself reaching for the antacid, triggering the same chemical reaction both on the countertop and in your digestive tract.

The last piece of potentially bad news is that marble can form “star cracks” or “stun marks” if a heavy, hard object falls on it. Star cracks look like small, light-colored areas where the impact occurred. This is usually an aesthetic issue, not a structural one, but if an impact occurs at the edge of the stone, it can chip or flake.

A common misconception is that marble stains easily. However, this is actually quite rare. The metamorphism that bakes the stone also knits the minerals together tightly. Porosity for marble is similar for that of granite. That said, the porosity of all stones varies, so check the stone specs and do your own tests with a sample of stone. Marbles are typically sealed to reduce the likelihood of staining. Alas, sealing does not make marble any less prone to etching, I’m sorry to say.

Now you can see why some people love marble while others think that marble-lovers are crazy. To some, the nicks and etches on a marble surface add character and mark the passage of time in a busy household. To others, each blemish resonates as a personal loss. Which way do you see it? This is an important question to consider before you head to the slab yard. [Check your stone personality to see what stone suits your temperament.]

Marble with magnesium = Dolomite

Dolomitic marble is a close relative of regular marble. Standard marble is made of calcite (CaCO3), and dolomitic marble has a little magnesium in the mix (CaMgCO3). There is not a huge difference between the two variations, except that dolomitic marble is a little bit slower to etch. You’ll have a moment to wipe up a spill before the chemical reaction takes place.

Marble with quartz = Confusing

While marble is primarily made of calcite, it’s possible for the original limestone to have occasional layers of sand or chert (chert is a marine rock made of pure silica). These interlopers turn into areas of quartz as marble undergoes metamorphism. The end result is a stone that is mostly calcite with some quartz. This combination of ingredients has kicked off industry-wide confusion, because calcite and quartz have distinctly different properties but they look alike.

Unfortunately, marble that contains minor amounts of quartz is sometimes labelled “soft quartzite,” which is both an oxymoron and a misnomer.  There is no such thing as soft quartzite, and that term should be avoided by dealers, designers, and customers alike. Marble that contains small areas of quartz is still marble and should just be called marble. Super White is one well-known example of a mislabelled stone. Super White is a dolomitic marble with occasional bits of quartz. Super White is neither quartzite nor “soft quartzite.” It’s marble, and a gorgeous one at that. [Learn more about the quartzite/marble labelling problem in The Definitive Guide to Quartzite,

Limestone is sometimes classified as marble

The term “marble” is often applied broadly rather than literally. Many stone restoration professionals categorize marbles, limestones, and travertines together as a family of stone because they require similar maintenance and refinishing techniques. Polished limestone is sometimes called marble. While there’s not a huge difference between the two, marble is much denser and therefore is resistant to staining. If a slab has fossils, shell fragments, or has open pockets within the stone, it is limestone.

Many stones classified as black marble are actually black limestones. This is particularly true for dark colored stones with stark white veins, like China Black, Dynasty Brown, or Nero Portoro. Because marble has origins as a fluid, heated rock, its stripes and veins are usually soft, flowing, and curved rather than angular.

Many ways to bring marble into our lives

Marble remains a popular choice for countertops, backsplashes, bathrooms, tabletops, flooring, and cladding. Marble’s versatility makes it at home in an ancient Greek sculpture, in a lavish hotel lobby, or on a hardworking kitchen island. Marble also finds its way into our lives as household objects like cheese boards, rolling pins, vases, and lamps.

Despite the emergence of marble lookalikes, there’s nothing quite like the real thing. Real marble has qualities that cannot be replicated in a lab. I recently visited the 9/11 Memorial, a sobering space of monument, museum, and reflection. Next to the footprint of the fallen towers, rises the one part of the site that inspires optimism. Called the Oculus, it is part transit center, part shopping mall, and its soaring white ribs beckon investigation.

Visitors who step inside are rewarded with a vast, cathedral-like space, covered in pure white marble. The combination of natural light, natural stone, and creative architecture transform the sombre mood into a hopeful one. Wandering around the expansive structure, I finally put my finger on my favourite quality of real marble. Light penetrates into the white stone, then radiates back out in heavenly luminosity, filling the room with a warm, soft glow. Leave it to a stone like marble to completely alter the mood of a building. Marble has been a metaphor for worship, reverence, and beauty for millennia. Its ability to do that is all the more appreciated

Add by expert and Export team of Bhandari Marble World, India, Rajasthan, Kishangarh -305801

[belizedeservesbetter]

The Worst Kind of After School Special

The hand on the playbill is choking all life out of Jagged Little Pill

There’s a lot going on in this musical so trying to figure out where to start with this is going to be as messy as this show.

You know what? We’ll start with what I liked. Get those small bits and pieces out of the way.

Alanis Morrissette is an absolutely incredible singer/songwriter and has written albums worth of amazing music that is highly specific to her life and yet feels highly specific to our own. Her songs are infused with a beautiful brand of theatricality that made me surprised she hasn’t lent them to the medium before now. That being said, of course the songs in the show are great. They’re from Jagged Little Pill! The orchestrations as well were super solid. I really trust Tom Kitt with these kinds of things, especially after the master orchestration he did with American Idiot. 

Lauren Patten is just as good as everyone says she is. While I had some issues with her character (will discuss this later) I loved seeing Patten get a chance to shine. I really enjoyed her performance in last year’s Days of Rage and thought she was even better in this. Her performance felt so full and rich and completely vulnerable. Of course her rendition of “You Oughta Know” is completely awesome, and the way she started off the song completely calm and composed while already belting out the notes was really lovely to see.

There was only one characters I really truly loved and that was Mary Jane Healy, as played spectacularly by Elizabeth Stanley. Everything MJ did was far more interesting than literally anything else on that stage. Her story was interesting, fresh and unique. It felt the most honest of the plot lines by far. I was so interested in everything that happened to her and her husband Steve (an underutilized Sean Allan Krill) and yet the show quickly glossed by all of their most uncomfortable moments in favor the far less interesting high school aged characters. Stanley was truly incredible and I loved every second she was onstage. Her “Smiling” and “Unforgiven” were truly the highlights of the show.

Occasionally there was some interesting staging, one of them being this cool spinning in chairs moment during “Ironic,” which should have involved main characters Frankie and Phoenix but was instead used with an unnamed teacher character who was in exactly one (1) scene. The spinning swing set for “Head Over Feet” was also cute, if not a little precarious. I was worried Antonio Cipriano was going to topple off of it the whole time. (Side Note: He’s listed on the website as Ensemble but he definitely had a named character) The staging of “Smiling” was super cool and was the one moment in the show where I thought Diane Paulus was going to do something really incredible. I don’t want to spoil it, but it’s a really cool moment. 

Alas.

Diane Paulus really can’t stage new musicals. All of her revivals are divine but there’s something about new material that just doesn’t work quite right. She throws a lot at the wall, and only some of it sticks. It felt very haphazardly directed, with a bunch of different stylistic things happening that didn’t go together. She had time to see what worked/didn’t at the out of town tryout and still chose not to make the show cohesive, which is disappointing. 

However, my biggest problem with the show is the show itself. It’s messy, introduces a million different plots and characters and resolves very little. Because of this, characters were paper thin and I didn’t feel like I knew any of them besides one or two little facts. This led to me honestly not caring that much about 90% of those characters.

The primary example of this is the brother character played by Derek Klena. His name is Nick, but I had to look that up to make sure because for the life of me I had no idea who his character was. I knew he was Derek Klena, so whenever he was on stage my brain went “Oh there’s Derek Klena.” He’s perfectly fine in the show, but not only is he barely in it, he has absolutely nothing to do. I don’t really know much about his character besides “Harvard” and he very, very easily could have been taken out. Nothing about the plot would have changed. Actually, this would have given us a better opportunity to dive deeper into the other characters, who, even though we still didn’t know, affected the plot in a more prominent way. 

Jo is an interesting character in that she’s one of the best performances in the show and has some of the best lines, but altogether only affects one plot point and is forced into doing so. Let me explain. “You Oughta Know” is the third best moment in the show, but it is entirely dependent on Jo previously breaking and entering into Frankie’s house, finding something out she shouldn’t have, and then ending up in NYC because the plot said she had to. The song should’ve been moved up to either the beginning of Act Two or the very end of Act One, because as of now it kind of comes out of nowhere. Anyways, I feel like if Lauren Patten wasn’t as good as she is, Jo would’ve ended up on the cutting room floor somewhere. 

I had this problem with a lot of the characters, actually, just about all of them. Everyone was extremely half-baked. 

First of all, there’s The Frankie Problem. Frankie is an activist and adopted and bisexual. That’s all we know about her. Does she like anything? What cause specifically motivates her? She’s an activist in the most generic term. Helen Shaw from Vulture wrote something really good about Frankie’s character, which, to sum it up, basically said Frankie is super self-important and annoying but she’s not supposed to be. We’re supposed to love Frankie, but I really didn’t like her at all. Also, nothing she does makes sense. She picks a fight with literally everyone over every single thing. Likewise, SPOILER, she cheats on her girlfriend/friend/it’s-complicated-because-it’s-never-explained relationship with Jo and fights with her mother MJ and just runs away to New York and makes a situation about a character named Bella allllll about her because she can. I wanted to know what Frankie cared about. You can say “activism!” but what specifically. Most activists have a very specific cause they especially champion, but I didn’t know what that was for Frankie. She seemingly cared about everything, but she mostly cared about herself.

This leads to the The Frankie and Phoenix Problem. This is also SPOILERS but Frankie falls very in love with Phoenix very fast and as soon as she sleeps with him for the first time she tells him she loves him, and, then, when he can’t say it back, she says this whole self-important thing about being impossible to love. However! Right before he was telling her how he was busy because he was trying to help with his sick sister! We also know extraordinarily little about Phoenix, and he kind of comes out of nowhere, so it’s tough to root for him when we’ve already had “Hand in my Pocket” to establish the Frankie and Jo connection.

On the plus side, Celia Rose Gooding, who plays Frankie, is wonderful and I look forward to seeing what she does in the future. 

I really don’t know how to approach Bella’s character, because the show clearly didn’t either. This is a big spoiler, but she is raped at a party and one of the many plots of the show is about this. However, she isn’t really in the show all that much. We have no idea who she is. She’s friends with Nick, but not very. She eerily appears in the light sometimes around MJ and she has one scene with MJ, but how much they try to tie these two characters doesn’t work. I wish Bella was a character we knew more. I almost wish she was Jo, or even Frankie. If we look at the characters as tiers, with MJ and Frankie being Tier 1, Jo, Nick and Steve being Tier 2, she would be on Tier 3, along with Andrew (???) and Phoenix. She is The Girl Who Was Raped, which was actually kind of offensive. 

As for the rape scene itself, they do show it in flashback. That is something you should know going into the show. It was not handled well. Also, the person who raped her (I think his name was Andrew??) is in the show for exactly two minutes. I actually thought a different character had raped her because we have no idea who anyone is. 

So that’s all my story qualms. 

The show utilizes this dance chorus that is absolutely obnoxious and distracting and takes away from literally every scene. They come in out of nowhere and make every single song (literally!!) a big song and dance production number, which greatly took away from the story. Every time I saw them start to dance into the scene I internally was like “wait no! stay away!” 

I mean it when I say

every

single

song

was a huge production number. And we didn’t need it! It actually took away from the emotional impact they were supposed to have! Likewise, there was only one solo in the entire show! Every single other song was shared between multiple characters. I think they did this because they had too many characters and had to give everyone something to do but every time it happened, the main character singing it lost some of their needed emotional impact. 

If I had my way, I would cut the ensemble in half and only use them in half the songs. The dancing was far too much and it made the story messy and it made the stage far too busy. It wasn’t even that good either. There were some nice moments, but overall it didn’t work. It was distracting and dare I say it bad. 

At the end of the day, the show was “woke” for the sake of being woke. It wanted so badly to say something that it ended up saying nothing. To be honest, the amount of “wokeness” felt performative and not genuine in the slightest. It felt like an after school special in the worst kind of way. The teens weren’t people but caricatures of teenagers. 

I really wanted to like Jagged Little Pill. I love writer Diablo Cody and I love Alanis Morrissette. This should have been amazing, but instead it fell flat. A show that should have been filled with life felt like a well structured after school television special. And All I Really Want(ed) was something with more grit