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h-sleepingirl · 7 months

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Milton Erickson and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar... (Essay)

Finally, I've finished this essay about connections I'm finding between hypnosis, Judaism, magic, and intimacy. It's ~4.5k words, extremely "me," and I'm really thrilled to share it. Enjoy!

My weakness is getting deeply invested in very niche topics.

Hypnosis was my first and most lifelong obsession. It was my confusing, shameful sexual fetish that I eventually took by the horns and -- through my desire to learn as much about it as humanly possible -- turned into a job. But not a normal sex work job where I do hypnosis for money -- a weird job where I just teach about it. The kink community, and the further-specific niche where people want to hypnotize each other during intimate experiences, became my home.

But the value of study doesn't really come from the quantity of people I'm able to engage with. It comes from the way it enriches my life. It creates and benefits from the capability to see overlaps between all of my various interests.

On the surface, it may appear that two skills have no relationship. But the deeper you get into each one, a synthesis appears.

At a certain point when you are learning hypnosis, all seemingly-unrelated information seems to fit effortlessly into your hypnotic knowledge. You can listen to a song and suddenly you learn something new about how to hypnotize someone. Maybe it was a lyric that gave you an evocative emotional response; maybe it was a pattern in the music that you thought about replicating with the rhythm of your hypnotic language.

Over a decade into my own hypnosis learning, I got very lucky and found a second passionate home in communities of Jewish text study about a year ago. I started from almost zero there and found myself again to be a greedy novice, obsessed with digging into it.

Of course, as I got further, it became that I read a page of Talmud (a text of rabbinical law and conversation) and suddenly I learned something new about how to hypnotize someone. And as I progress, it is starting to go the other way: I learn about Torah study by reading about hypnosis and intimacy.

There are two directions this essay can be read. “How can intimacy and hypnosis teach us about Jewish text?” And, “How can Jewish text teach us about intimacy and hypnosis?” One half is of each part written by me as an authority, and the other half is by me as an avid novice. The synthesis of these two parts of me -- just like any synthesis between concepts -- may perhaps create something new.

Models

I’m sure most communities have a version of the idiom, “Ask three people a question and get five answers.” For a long time, this was a source of frustration for me in the hypnosis community. Is hypnosis a state of relaxation and suggestibility? Kind of, but also no. Is it more accurate to say it is based on unconscious behaviors and thoughts? Well -- kind of, but also no.

So what is it? Well, it’s probably somewhere in the overlap of about 20-30 semi-accurate definitions and frameworks for techniques -- what we’d call “models.” Good luck!

Why is hypnosis so impossible to define and teach? How have we not found a model that we can all agree upon yet? I think many people share this confusion, and it's complicated by the fact that most sources for hypnosis education teach their model as the model. It makes sense -- it would be difficult to teach a complete beginner a handful of complex frameworks with which to understand hypnosis when that person is just trying to muddle through learning “how to hypnotize someone” on a practical, basic level.

…Or would it be? By the time I got involved with Jewish study, I had long given up on chasing the white whale of some unified theory of hypnosis. I was firmly happy with the concept that all ways to describe hypnosis are simply models -- and all models are flawed, while some models are useful. I was delighted, when entering Jewish community spaces, to hear the idiom, “Three Jews, five opinions.”

This concept is baked into Jewish text study, in my experience. You can look at any single line in Torah and find innumerable pieces of commentary on it, ancient and modern, with conflicting interpretations. Torah and other texts are studied over and over -- often on a schedule -- with the idea that there is always something new to learn. And this happens partially by the synthesis of multiple people's perspectives adding to and challenging each other, developing new models. My Torah study group teacher always starts us with a famous line from Pirkei Avot, a text of ethical teachings from early rabbis: “If two sit together and share words of Torah, the Shekhinah [feminine presence of God] abides among them.”

The capacity to develop and hold multiple interpretations at once enriches your relationship with the text. So too do I believe that being able to hold multiple interpretations of what hypnosis is and how it works enhances your skill with it. It is not a failure of the system -- it is the best thing about it.

Intimacy

It is intentional to make the distinction of “relationship with the text” -- not “relationship to the text.”

My job on the surface is to teach hypnosis, but the meta goal is to simply teach something that helps people develop profound intimacy with others. I think that hypnosis is a kind of beautiful magic that is well-suited to this, but it’s not the only path to take.

One of my favorite educators, Georg Barkas, describes themselves as an intimacy educator who teaches rope bondage. Their classes and writings are highly philosophical and align closely with my own ideas about intimacy -- as well as my partner’s, MrDream, from whom I’ve learned so much. I frequently cite Barkas when I talk about hypnosis because I feel the underlying ideas they have about rope bondage are extremely applicable to all kink and intimacy -- and I will continue that trend here.

Barkas recently published an excellent essay looking in detail at the concept of intimacy itself. They posit that our first thought of intimacy is usually about a kind of comfort-seeking and familiarity. That’s contained within the etymology of the word, and socially it’s what many of us think of when we define our relationships as “intimate”: settling in to engage with a partner who we love, know, and understand.

But, Barkas asks, what if we place this word into a different context? They talk of how in scientific endeavors, the goal of “becoming familiar with” is unpredictability and discovering things that are surprising and unexpected. This perhaps offers a different view of intimacy: intimacy where you do not engage with your partner as though you know everything about them; intimacy where being surprised by them and learning something new is the goal.

My partner MrDream teaches about this often in hypnosis education: approaching a partner with genuine curiosity and interest -- “curiosity” implying that you don’t know what to expect, with a positive connotation. There is a kind of delicate balance between being able to anticipate some aspects of what is going to happen hypnotically -- to have a general grasp on psychology and hypnosis theory -- versus holding tight to a philosophy that neither you nor the hypnotic subject really knows how they are going to respond. The unexpected is not to be feared, but celebrated and held as core to our practice. Hypnotic “subjects” (those being hypnotized) who can relax their expectations will often have more intense experiences.

Thus we come to the first time in this essay where I mention Milton Erickson, my favorite forefather of modern hypnosis. Erickson was a hypnotherapist active through the 1900s and is famous (among many things) for presenting a model of hypnosis that wasn’t necessarily an authoritative action done to a person, but a collaborative and guiding action done with a person.

In his book “Hypnotic Realities,” he talks about how his view of clinical hypnosis is defined by how the therapist is able to observe each individual client and directly use those observations to continually develop a unique hypnotic approach with them. The client’s history, interests, and modes of thinking are utilized for the trance, as well as any observable responses they have in the moment. For example, a client with chronic pain may have the frustration they express over that pain incorporated into the trance. This is in deep contrast to hypnosis where the therapist comes in with any kind of “script” or formula to recite ahead of time.

It’s important to Erickson’s model that the therapist doesn’t know exactly what to anticipate, and it’s also important hypnotically that the same is true for the client. A common “Ericksonian” suggestion is, “You don’t have to know what is going to happen, and I don’t know either.” In order to develop the most effective approach with each patient, Erickson would enter into a session with some presumed knowledge, but ultimately learning -- not assuming -- how to best hypnotize each individual person.

We circle back to the phrase, “a relationship with Jewish text.” In my opinion, engaging with Torah is exactly this kind of intimacy. Torah is something we come into in order to poke and prod at it, to interact with it and to see how it interacts back at us. The teacher of my study group always cites a model where Torah itself is a participant in our partnered learning and group discussions. We ask it questions, we push its boundaries, we strive to glean something new and yet unseen. A line that may seem simple on the surface can reveal much more when we explore its context or put it into a different context entirely.

This is easier for me to say as someone who is coming into learning Torah for the first time, but I am able to look ahead to when I will be fully familiar with the text and still be able to take this expanded definition of intimacy with it. Not coming to it without a sense of comfort, but still engaging with curiosity. MrDream teaches a model for hypnosis that is based on the idea of exploration -- exploring your partner no matter how long you have been with them. You are always coming to them as a different person, shaped by your ever-growing experiences and identity, and your partner changes as a human as well. I believe Torah is also dynamic in this way, as the context within which it exists -- and the way we interpret it -- is constantly shifting.

Ritual

I have been engaging with spiritual ritual on and off for as long as I’ve been learning hypnosis. The concept of magic has always been alluring to me -- not from a motivation to meet specific goals, but for something more difficult to pin down. I like that ritual, in an esoteric framework, is about looking at various metaphors between ingredients and actions; a candle representing an element of fire which may in turn represent intensity, or purity, or something else. Drawing meaningful connections between concepts like this is a skill I’ve developed in parallel with hypnosis, as well.

I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is also interested in esotericism -- we were sharing our frustrations with various books on magic and ritual. We wondered why so many sources would go on to teach prescriptivist formulas and associations, and not much else. Do this, and that will happen. This symbol represents that. My friend and I agreed that the ritual value of ingredients comes from how you personally assign meaning to them -- but why was everything always trying to teach us their meaning, as opposed to teaching us how to cultivate our own associations?

A week or so later, I happened to go to an excellent class that explored whether or not there was a place for smudging and smoke use in modern Jewish ritual. The teacher first took a careful, measured approach towards looking at indigenous smudging practices and the concept of appropriation. What followed was 30 minutes of history and text exploring examples of smoke in early Judaism, and then 30 minutes of a handful of interpretations of what “smoke” could mean and represent with relation to Jewish ideas -- directly practical to modern ritual. It was utterly excellent and immediately profound for me, as someone who has been yearning to blend my experience with esoteric ritual with my relationship with Judaism.

Observant readers will note that through this essay I speak passively about Judaism -- I am a patrilineal Jew, which for better or worse means that it is not a simple matter to say, “I am ‘fully’ (or ‘not’) Jewish.” (I am in the beginnings of working with a Conservative rabbi -- who affirms that I’m Jewish -- to make my status halachic [lawful], which is deeply exciting.) Opinions on that aside, a relevant piece of information is that the Jewish holiday we celebrated most consistently when I was growing up was Chanukah. While a lot of Jewish practice has been something I’ve been striving towards as an adult, Chanukah has always been “mine.” It was fast approaching after this class, and I felt motivated to use my newfound knowledge to make more ritual out of lighting the candles.

I was deeply surprised when all I did was light a stick of incense before saying the blessings over lighting the menorah, and my experience transformed into something intense. I smelled the incense and couldn’t help but think about what I’d learned about the Rambam’s commentary that incense in the time of the Temple was about making the Temple smell sweet to pray in after the burning of sacrifices. I thought about what I’d learned about the presence of God being smoke and clouds to the ancient Israelites. I thought about things I’d learned from other places -- hiddur mitzvah (the value of beautifying a practice), and a midrash (parable) about God loving the light and rituals we do in a very personal way simply because they are from us.

Esoteric ritual has often felt to me like exerting effort in making the associations of ingredients work for me. But this was effortless. I was doing something that was entirely my own, solidly founded by the broad and deep study I’d done, by my personal relationship with the concepts, by my identity.

In other words, the power behind this ritual came from knowledge, and the knowledge came from my intimacy with it. And that intimacy was not just with the study I had done -- it was also the process of being surprised in real time by what I was learning through the ritual itself.

Hypnosis gains “power,” in so much as we let ourselves use the term, through these same acts of intimacy towards knowledge. It operates directly based on various ingredients: how much we know about hypnosis theory itself, general psychology, the person we are working with, and ourselves. Hypnosis is a ritual -- it is setting aside special time to do something with a collection of ingredients that you have personal associated meanings with. If you can’t connect to those deeply enough, it won’t reach its full potency.

Knowledge, Perception, and Unconsciousness

One of my favorite concepts to teach in hypnosis is, “A change in perception equates to a change in reality.” This is derived from Erickson by MrDream, and it’s something he and I have had a lot of conversations about to refine. The implication of this is not something as trite as hypnosis having the power to change a person’s perceived reality. It is the concept that if you look at something from a different perspective, you gain various different capabilities.

For example, when you are feeling stuck in a situation and you think about what a close friend of yours would do if they were in your shoes, you gain the capability to see more options, to change your actual view of the reality of the problem and therefore change your actions towards it. In hypnosis, this could be the difference between simply telling someone to relax their legs versus another perspective of telling them to imagine what it would be like if their legs just started relaxing. It could be the idea that when a person does feel relaxation from a simple suggestion, their perception changes on what is happening -- they build more belief in hypnosis, and that belief in turn makes the next suggestions easier to buy into.

Erickson’s model of hypnosis is predicated on the idea that hypnosis itself matters, that hypnosis is a time within which someone’s reality changes. In his ideal hypnotic context, the subject feels like they no longer can expect things to behave as they usually do in their “waking” reality. They are thus opened to many different kinds of new experiences and capabilities. To Erickson, perception matters -- by itself, it’s a primary driving force behind literal change and response.

This ties back to our idea of intimacy -- just as I aim to approach my partners with this profound curiosity, just as I aim to approach Torah, I want to have this intimacy of the unexpected with trance itself. I want to allow myself to be surprised by hypnosis, by the things I don’t yet know about it even after more than a decade and thousands of hours of trance. But more than this, in an Ericksonian sense, simply changing my perspective to this motivation is one of the things that lets me get there.

I went through a guided study class about Shabbat (Judaism’s weekly sabbath of rest) with a partner, and so much of the class was in the abstract that it at times felt difficult for me to latch onto. We were learning all of this background context about a view of Shabbat where instead of spiritually striving and reaching on that day, you come in acting as though your spiritual work -- like your other work -- is “finished.”

In one session, we spent a chunk of time parsing through how we could interpret that as actionable. It felt like it just wasn’t clicking for me -- the midrashic texts weren’t offering enough for me to feel like I could make judgments on questions like, “Does this imply I shouldn’t meditate on Shabbat in this context?”

It wasn’t until I slept on it that I found a very simple piece of the puzzle: putting aside the questions of concrete actions, in an Ericksonian sense, the internal act of shifting my perspective would absolutely change the way I behaved and interacted with the day. It would become more indirect and unconscious -- instead of carefully analyzing my actions as I might with other Shabbat prohibitions on work, I could simply let myself act in ways that fit that perspective of “spiritually resting.”

The abstraction of the class made more sense -- perhaps it wasn’t trying to give us direct answers, but rather create a psychological environment for us that was well-suited to this more unconscious processing. Or rather, in addition to the sort of typical conscious halachic interpretation. If I allow myself an opinion here, I’d say that I care about halacha as actionable, but as always, I tend to care more about feelings and what’s internal.

This also lent credence to ways this class and the class on smoke and ritual changed my experiences. I was not given a set of actions to take, but rather a variety of perspectives that unconsciously made me think and behave differently. The concept of “knowledge is power” is both true and alluring in many different contexts, and yet had often fallen through for me in most ritualistic frameworks. The way that it succeeds, I believe, is when you develop a relationship with knowledge that actually changes your internal perspective and perceptions.

Limitation

With this we return to the concept of models and interpretations. It is serendipitous to be going through these experiences at a time where I am avidly working on my next book -- the thesis of which is that in order for us to progress as hypnotists, we must get comfortable moving fluidly between many differing definitions and frameworks (models) of what hypnosis is and how it works.

It is as the Ericksonian principle would say: If you take a perspective on hypnosis that boils down to “hypnosis is about relaxing the conscious mind,” you will do hypnosis according to that perspective. You will use relaxation-based techniques and make an effort to get someone to think “less consciously.” If you instead take a perspective that is “hypnosis operates based on activation of the conscious mind,” you may do hypnosis that causes someone to think and process in a more stimulating way.

Both and neither are true, and they can coexist. I believe that most models can be useful -- some more useful than others. But the best thing you can do is to not assume that one model is the most correct one -- instead, it is to develop the capacity to work within many at once even while being aware of their boundaries.

Jewish text, in my experience, provides models -- perspectives that themselves give guidance on how to understand things and act. I think especially about midrash and stories that are explicitly intended to fill in the gaps or give an alternate view on something. The question of, “Is there one correct way to do/see things” is more complicated here, but there are areas -- especially in those subtle shifts of mindset for ritual or interpreting text -- where the answer is still “no.”

My time so far in Jewish study supports this in a different way. There is a human element of collaboration and challenge. Learning as we do with a chevruta (study partner) adds another person to the relationship -- it is no longer just between you and the text. There is another human who you are building something with, and it is “intimate” according to our exploratory definition in an even clearer way.

The purpose of a “scene” inside of kink (a “session” of kink play) is to operate in a semi-limited framework -- limitations exist on who is involved, where it begins and ends, how partners communicate, and what themes/topics/activities are involved. These limitations -- though they may be quite broad -- are partially what allow for intense experiences. A scene needs to exist in a different “space” than our daily lives, and it needs to operate by different rules and involve different ingredients. Here, we also see overlaps with the definition of a “ritual.”

This doesn’t just facilitate intensity (and safety) -- it facilitates learning something new about your partner. By taking your relationship and putting it into a limited context, it allows you to observe it in a more careful way, where novel changes can be more obvious.

Studying with a chevruta is much like this. I have had study sessions where my chevruta and I are meeting for the first time and the only thing we are aware of sharing is our desire to dive into a piece of text. I’ve also had chevrutas where we know each other outside of study, and some of our time is schmoozing and catching up. But in all cases, we are limited in scope, and that limitation creates ease of access towards the common goal of expanding our knowledge and relationship with the text. We are focused; we are motivated. We are creating something that we can only create through who we are as individuals and what we are doing as avid learners.

This has surprised me at times with its tenderness and intensity. Building well-founded interpretations with someone is in and of itself very intimate -- not sensually, but humanly. It has given me something I have always wanted -- an intimacy that is pervasive not just in application of knowledge, but in the development of it. A feeling of sacredness and joy from being able to see so many different perspectives.

I long for this connection, this alchemy. Yes, all models are limited. But within those tight, restricting limits is the potential energy of creation.

“And I Must Learn”

There is an infamous story in the Talmud, in Berakhot 62a, where Rav Kahana hides under the bed of his friend Rav Abba. Rav Kahana hears Abba and his wife giggling and starting to have sex, and remarks out loud that Rav Abba is acting like someone who is famished. Rav Abba, mid-sex, understandably says, “Kahana, why the fuck are you under my bed listening to me fuck my wife?” Rav Kahana replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”

There was a version of this essay that began with this tale. I am enamored with the vast overlaps I can derive from its briefness: that intimacy can be studied sacredly both as a general concept and specifically with your partner; that we are obligated to learn ourselves, our partners, and general human desire; that there can be a thread of wholeness in every action of your life if you give every action sacred attention.

Even this, though, is a limited-context interpretation. The rabbis of the Talmud were certainly not sex-positive, especially not as we currently use the term. The surrounding triptych of conversations is similarly humorous but seems to comparatively describe sex as dirty or gross, and this bit of text cannot really exist separately from all of the places where there is halacha derived about sex that is about controlling women’s bodies or preventing queer and trans people from being able to live authentically.

But -- we are allowed to interpret like this. We are allowed to play with context and see what we discover.

For me, this is about finding the connections between my actions and my interests; parts of me that synthesize the whole. It is about developing intimacy with Torah, with my learning partners, with my romantic partners; with the people within the writings, with the authors, and with the readers.

Reading Torah is the same as hypnotizing someone is the same being intimate with someone is the same as doing a ritual. All things on a broad enough scale overlap this closely. There is value in this “zooming out” to a wide enough context to see the connections that exist -- just as there is value in celebrating the limitations that arise, models nestled alongside each other, when you “zoom in.”

We need both to be able to treat our learning -- all forms of it -- as something special.

#my writing #hypnosis #judaism #hypnokink

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linawritestwst · 1 year

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"it grew and burst into a love so bad that it feels good" (gn!reader)

YANDERE!READER IS BACK BABY!! i've been in a mood to write something yandere-themed, so.. yeah, this is a part 2 to these hcs! this time, however, it's just the characters that i wanted to write for and not really the "scariest" or "most weird" twst characters. you can consider this a halloween post too, if you want! (though i'm also working on the actual halloween special post >:3)

(also, this time yandere!reader won't really have a "defining" personality trait, but their yandere type will be mentioned)

(also [2], the title is a reference to this suki suki daisuki eng cover. i know that the original song isn't actually exactly "yanderecore", but the lyrics fit so well!)

characters: cater diamond, leona kingscholar, azul ashengrotto, vil schoenheit, idia shroud, sebek zigvolt, neige leblanche

genre: horror

warnings: general yandere content, toxic relationships, descriptions of manipulating and stalking, implication of murder and the reader character is.. a little bit delusional.

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character: cater diamond

yandere type: loneliness induction

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♡ oh, cater. someone who tries so hard to convince people that he's fine, that he's doing great, that his life is so perfect and fun and bright.. but you know what he's really like. you know what's going on in his head. you know what kind of person he is. you know how much cater is suffering. of course you know. you know everything about him after all! this is why you two are such good friends!.. but hey, why not become something more than this? why settle for something like friendship, when you can have more? come on, it's okay for you to be a little greedy, considering how much you've done for him!

♡ you are so nice to him. you are so kind to him. you make sure to listen to him. you like all of his posts and leave comments. he wants to take a picture with you? you're more than happy to do that! and if he feels like nobody cares about his problems and he can't be honest with anyone, well, he's wrong, because he has you. oh, but he doesn't need anyone else! you're the only person in this school who actually cares about him, he should know that. honestly, you're probably the only person in this whole world who cares about him.

♡ of course, he has someone to go to if he's not feeling so good! that person is you! you will always be there for him. you will listen. you will tell him that his feelings are valid. you will tell him how much you understand him. oh, but you also will tell him that nobody else in this school will get him. you will tell him to look at the other students and think: do they care? do they understand him? would they feel sorry for him? the answer to all those questions is no. so it's okay if the only person who can hold him while he cries is you. and it's okay if he's been crying a bit too often lately.

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character: leona kingscholar

yandere type: wrong idea

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♡ leona treats you the exact same way he treats all the other students.. or so other people say. some people say that he actually finds you more annoying than most students. but you know they're wrong. you know they are so, so wrong. because you know the truth: leona kingscholar is madly in love with you. hm? how do you know that? uh.. well, you can just feel it! you can feel it from the way he looks at you, you can feel it from the way he talks to you, you can even feel it from the way he breathes when he's asleep and you're right there next to him!.. w-was that too much?

♡ so, why he still hasn't confessed to you? you're not sure actually. you think that he's just a little shy. aww, wouldn't that be so cute? imagine someone like him secretly being too shy to confess his feelings! you can just feel yourself falling more and more in love with him. well, you have no choice but to wait for his confession.. probably. you want to believe that you have more options than that. you know that you have to be patient, but it's just so.. hard.. there must be a different way out, right?

♡ oh, why don't you just give him a little push? no, no, you don't want to confess first, that'd be so embarrassing, haha.. why don't you just leave a hint for him? why don't you try to tell him that he should be honest with his feelings and that if he wants to say something, he should say it with pride? yes, you will do exactly that!.. huh? i-it didn't work as planned.. haha, he's just saying that if you want him to be honest, he's gonna be honest with you and say that he hates you right to your face.. ahaha.. come on, he's just being a tsundere, right?

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character: azul ashengrotto

yandere type: manipulative

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♡ you know how weak and vulnerable azul really is. you know. but it's okay. he can always rely on you. he can always trust you. you promise that you will never leave him. seriously, even those twins who follow him around would leave him sooner than you. the moment they get bored, that's it, they won't spend another second with him. of course, azul assures you that jade and floyd really are loyal.. but your words still make him a little uncomfortable. haha, so he really doesn't want to be left alone.

♡ it's okay, you will always be here to tell him how smart and talented he is. you will praise him as much as he wants to be praised and you will comfort him as much as he wants to be comforted. he doesn't have to put on a mask when you're around. he doesn't have to make you sign any kind of contract, because you're definitely planning to keep your promise and you really will stay with him no matter what. he's just too fun to manipulate, why would you even think of leaving him?

♡ if he ends up breaking down and crying and showing you his true feelings, you will give him a gentle smile and wipe his tears away and softly kiss his cheeks. you repeat the same words again. it's okay. it's okay to cry. it's okay for him to be weak. it's okay for him to be slow. he doesn't have to pretend to be better when you're the only person who's around. actually, you like him much better in this state. so can he promise you to be more honest with himself?

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character: vil schoenheit

yandere type: monopoly

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♡ vil is.. beautiful. very beautiful. so beautiful that if you ever forgot your whole life, you would still remember his face. and of course, no matter how much you love him and no matter how well you know that you're going to be loyal to him and treat him better than anyone else can, you have so many rivals, you can't even count them. ugh, getting rid of them is gonna be so much work.. especially considering that a lot of them are from pomefiore and trying to poison them is probably not a good idea.

♡ it's okay, you can just outsmart them. you can manipulate them, you can convince them that they're just not good enough for him. come on, how can they even imagine themselves standing next to vil schoenheit himself? seriously, that's not even brave, that's just stupid. you can just make everyone's self-esteem become so low that they will never even think about trying to confess to vil or even looking at him. oh, but you also have to convince them that whoever vil chooses is the only person who will be worthy of him. i wonder who that person could be..

♡ but of course, some rivals are stronger than others. seriously, what is wrong with his vice dorm leader. this is the guy that spends the most time with vil and also compliments him the most. he's like, his biggest fan here. and.. uh.. trying to get rid of him physically is not a good idea. outsmarting him is also not an option, because this guy is probably not even worried about the possibility of being able to date vil. he just admires him a lot and wants to see him every day and that's all. well, here's the thing.. you want to do exactly that as well, so you need this guy dead.

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character: idia shroud

yandere type: protective

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♡ idia shroud is a quiet, introverted type. the things that he would do so that he didn't have to leave his room at all. idia shroud doesn't remember the last time he had ever touched grass. and he's exactly your type. and you will do anything to make his life easier. he doesn't have to socialize! he doesn't have to leave his room! you will do everything for him, all he has to do is ask! actually, no, he doesn't even have to ask, you always know what he needs. hm? and what does he need right now?.. well.. you, of course!

♡ people say that you spoil him too much, but you can't agree. this is how you express your love for him, what's so bad about that? and idia is just someone who needs a little bit more love than other people do. he's just so fragile, so weak, so.. haha, no, this guy won't survive without you. you know that better than anyone. idia shroud doesn't have to socialize and leave his room. you'll make sure he doesn't do that.

♡ this world is way too scary and dangerous for him! anime, manga, video games, they're so much better than real world! and whenever he has any doubts or wants to ask you a question, you can just say that you want to play with him or watch his favorite show with him and that's it, he won't remember anything that bothered him. he's like a puppet in a way. you don't even have to do much, idia would actually love to have someone that can make decisions for him so that he doesn't have to think about what's going on in his reality. just.. uh.. make sure he gets more attached to you instead of his faves.

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character: sebek zigvolt

yandere type: removal

➽───────────────❥

♡ you don't know what you did, but wow, you must be a very unlucky person to fall in love with a guy who only thinks about his young master. like you just know that if you ever went on a date, he'd still only talk about malleus. you just know that if you ever got married, he'd still be more loyal to malleus than you. you know how bad your situation is. you know that you deserve better. but you don't want better, you want sebek zigvolt and you will do anything to make him notice you.

♡ "but y/n, you know you can't do anything to malleus, right? he's malleus draconia, he's way too strong-" you don't care. your love for sebek is stronger than malleus's magic. also, who said that you have to use magic to fight him? you can just use your brains. malleus is actually very, extremely lonely and he needs affection. sebek is.. kind of an idiot, so you don't even have to try hard to manipulate him. you just have to ruin their relationship somehow. maybe convince malleus that sebek isn't actually that loyal to him? you know for sure that trying to convince sebek that malleus doesn't care about him isn't worth it: even if malleus really didn't care about him, he'd still walk into a burning house for him if he had to.

♡ you will still find a way to get rid of malleus somehow. you just know that even if this guy's magic is strong, he's actually more weak and vulnerable than he looks like. you just have to say the right word and hurt him so bad, he won't be able to look sebek in the eyes. or you can just try to completely ruin his image. he's already feared by most people, you don't have to do much to turn that fear into hatred. you will find a way to make sebek forget about him and give all his attention to you. you're sure of it.

➽───────────────❥

character: neige leblanche

yandere type: stalker

➽───────────────❥

♡ neige is so nice. so kind. so pure. so perfect. no, you are not his biggest fan. sure, you admire him, you love his work and you think he's extremely talented, but you're more than a fan. you're his soulmate. but sadly, he doesn't even know about it! what a shame.. you want to let him know that you're the one so bad.. but how should you do it? you don't want to be like those creepy fans who are obsessed with him after all.. ugh, you hate them so much..

♡ you don't want to scare him off, so you'll just send him some cute letters first! you know everything about him. you know where he lives, when he'll be able to read them, you know everything about his schedule.. nothing can go wrong. you're sure that he will answer. or that he'll at least read them. and if he doesn't answer, it's okay, you'll give him some time first! you understand that it can be shocking for him to find out that he actually has someone who was created specifically for him, his own special soulmate. you're so kind and patient, hehe~

♡ huh.. still no reply.. even though you've given him so much time.. guess you have no choice but to send more letters. maybe you should be more direct? you know, like, you should be more honest about your feelings! you should let him know that you'd like to go on a date or two, get married, start living together, maybe even start a family, just all normal things that all normal soulmates do!.. okay, you're done with this letter! hehe, you should thank your fellow neige fan for letting you borrow some red ink from them, you have no idea where your pen is.

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cherriegyuu · 5 months

Text

seventeen as songs from eternal sunshine (ag)

a/n: like usual, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in as ask or dm and i'll add it to my writing list

• Seungcheol ➝ true story But I'll play whatever part you need me to And I'll be good in it, too ↳ seungcheol was willing to do anything for you, even if it meant destroying himself

• Jeonghan ➝ saturn returns Aha, it's time for you to get real about life and sort out who you really are ↳ Jeonghan always thought that life would be easier if he just stayed as he was, unmoving. Turns out that there was more to life than just that

• Joshua ➝ we can’t be friends We can't be friends But I'd like to just pretend ↳ you and joshua always traveled through the same friend groups but you were never really close to one another, mostly because you might have carried a crush on him for years. but when joshua suddenly decides that he wants to be friends, you don’t have it in you to say no

• Jun ➝ end of the world Wonder if he’s thinkin’ ‘bout it too and smiling Wonder if he knows that that’s been what's inspirin’ me Wonder if he’s judging me like I am right now ↳ after a first date that went beyond expectations, you couldn't help but wonder if jun too felt those same butterflies when he thought about you

• Soonyoung ➝ eternal sunshine I found a good boy and he’s on my side You’re just my eternal sunshine, sunshine ↳ even after months after your break up, after you met someone new, you can’t help but think back to your relationship with soonyoung, and how you're sure you’ll never truly be able to move on from him, after all he was still your eternal sunshine

• Wonwoo ➝ i wish i hated you our shadow dance in a parallel plane Just two different endings ↳ looking from the outside, you and wonwoo are the same, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. in fact, you couldn't be further away from each other

• Jihoon ➝ Don’t Wanna Break Up Again This situationship has to end But I just can't refuse I don't wanna break up again ↳ you know you have to get away from jihoon, but whenever he calls you’re ready to run toward him, even if it means breaking your own heart in the process

• Mingyu ➝ bye Didn't think you'd lose me Now it's just too late to choose me ↳ you’re tired of always being the second choice for Mingyu, maybe it’s time for you to become your first option

• Seokmin ➝ supernatural This love's possessin' me, but I don't mind at all It's taking over me, don't wanna fight the fall ↳ you knew that you were falling way too deep for seokmin, but there was no way you’d ever try to catch yourself before you hit the ground

• Vernon ➝ yes, and? Now, I’m so done with caring What you think, no, I won't hide Underneath your projections Or change my most authentic life ↳ throughout all of his life, vernon heard about how uncommon and weird his interests were, so in order to fit in more easily, he did his best to hide the odd away, but he was done doing that, especially when all it did was keep you away from him.

• Seungkwan ➝ ordinary things It’s funny, but it's true There's never going to be an ordinary thing As long as I'm with you ↳ life with Seungkwan was always extraordinary, he made sure of that

• Chan ➝ the boy is mine Promise you I'm not usually Like this, shit, it's like news to me, to me But I can't ignore my heart, boy ↳ you had always been chill and your relationship with had never been labeled, so at times it was hard to pinpoint where you stood, but one day, at a particular party, when a particular girl showed up, you couldn't help but be jealous

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog and leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

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hellsite-proteins · 1 month

Note

Can you do the lyrics to "Soil" by Cosmo Sheldrake, I think it'd be fitting

sure thing! i always find his music calming, but for some reason i doubt that the protein form will have the same effect

letter sequence in this ask matching protein-coding amino acids:

IwannagdnwardsIwannaegrndIwannafednIwannareakdwnIwannaeallgneIwannaefdIwannaewalkednIwannaesilIwannaesilIwannaesndIwannahldsecretsThatwillneverefndIwannaesilLivepsidedwntitwillnevergetlnelyWitheverynerndIwannagdwnwaardsIwannagdwnwardsIwannaegrndIwannaegrndIwannaesilIwannaesilIwannaesndtitwillneveresilentAndIwillneverefndNevernevereaqestinThatIwannagdwnThatIwannaesilThatIwannaegrnd

protein guy analysis:

i'm not mad so much as i'm confused. this is a weird looking one. disordered loops going all over the place aren't new, and there is a lot of that here. the more unusual part is the long and very curved alpha helix. there is a glycine right around where the bend is, but i still feel like that doesn't fully explain it. interestingly enough, this helix is actually the part of the structure that AlphaFold trusts most. i've simply decided to let this unnatural mess exist and not question too much of why it's like this.

predicted protein structure:

cartoon coloured by pLDDT

close up of side chains on bent helix

#science #biochemistry #biology #chemistry #stem #proteins #protein structure #science side of tumblr #protein asks #protein songs #soil #cosmo sheldrake

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cstlez · 5 months

Text

HAZE

warnings ; explicit language, smoking, kissing, use of y/n,

;

"She's been in a daze for the last fifteen minutes I don't know how to get her back."

"Have you tried sticking a straw in her ear?"

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"You're no fun Georg—"

"Fine i'll do it!"

"What the hell dude!" I yelled, My ear tickled, I watched Tom bend over and start laughing,

His body shook as he laughed, I slumped further into the chair, watching as Georg silently laughed.

"I told you it'd work!" Tom yelped, his body soon settling into a chair beside me, he flicked my forehead, making me glare at him.

"Alright—" Georg took a deep breath as he stopped laughing, sitting beside me as well.

"What do you two want?" I asked, noticing how they both looked at me with a stern look, I raised a brow.

"Why'd you come over if you are just going to day dream all day?" Tom asked, digging into his pockets for what i'm assuming is a pack of gum.

I bit the inside of my cheek, "I'm not!- I'm not daydreaming.. I'm just thinking." I murmured.

"Womp womp.."

"Same fucking thing."

I rolled my eyes, rubbing my arms as I felt goosebumps grow over my skin. My entire body quivered as memories from Thursday replayed in my head over and over again.

"Can we head down to the studio later, we want you to fix up some of Bill's lyrics and maybe tweak around with my guitar, I just don't know how to make it match the new song." Georg asked, making me cough.

"oh— wait.. you want me to fix up some of Bill's lyrics?" I asked, wiping my mouth.

"Yeah?.. You've done it before.." Georg questioned, I glared at him.

"Is Bill gonna be there?" I asked, pushing some of my hair away from my eyes.

"Obviously he's part of the band yeah?.." I bit my tongue.

"Okay fine ye- yeah." I mumbled, nervous to see Bill because of the way we'd left things at the rink.

I stood up and grabbed my bag, scurrying to slip on my shoes.

"You're leaving already?" Tom asked, folding his hands over each other.

"Yeah- yeah I.. pfft... I forgot about an uh assignment due uh.. today! Yeah today!" I exclaimed, rushing to the door.

"Why is she acting so fucking weird?" Tom asked, Georg laughed.

"Your twin is why." Georg mumbled.

"Why would Bill have anything to do with her acting like a total idiot?" Tom asked, his hands now digging far into his pockets for a stick of gum.

"They have a bit of situation ship, it's been going on since last year." Georg mumbled.

"Eh- what?" Tom asked, regaining his breath.

Tom's eyes went white.

"WHAT!?"

Georg laughed.

"I think it's about time you knew since no one told you." Georg mumbled.

"You guys are unbelievable. I can't believe no one mentioned it. Especially Bill!" Tom complained, grumbling as he chewed on his bottom lip.

"We thought you pieced it up by now." Georg mumbled.

"No?!"

"Oh come on don't get so prissy now!"

"Prissy are you serious!?"

;

— "Why is her head so far up her ass recently?"

"Don't say that.."

"Bill you have no say in this."

"Someone just snap her back I need her help with this next line."

"You do it!"

"Fuck off Tom!"

"I'll do it just shut it."

"Hey, y/n, Georg needs your help with something." Bill mumbled, shaking me lightly.

I blinked a couple times, slightly jumping as I saw him face to face with me, he smiled softly.

"Hey.." He mumbled with a smile. I swallowed hard looking from his eyes to his lips.

I bit down on my bottom lip, I could've sworn my face heated up.

"Hey, yeah sorry i've just- i've been lost in thought." I mumbled. Bill nodded, He stepped away to go scribble more things into his notebook and I made my way beside Georg.

"Okay.. What do you need." I asked him.

Georg scoffed, "I need your head in reality not wonderland. Just talk to him if your head is so far up your ass."

I glared at him, snatching his music sheets away from him.

"He doesn't even know what he wants so what's the point." I mumbled, looking over his notes.

"Georg a whole note wouldn't fit here use an eighth note instead." I mumbled, erasing it and replacing it with another note.

"He knows what he wants y/n." Georg mumbled ignoring my correction.

I shook my head, reading over his other notes.

" He just has an inability to express his feelings. "

"Big words you chose to use there." I muttered, licking my lips as I corrected a couple more things and even annotated to show how they match the lyrics.

"Come on you need to grow a pair too." Georg mumbled, looking over the now freshly annotated sheet, strumming his guitar as he looked at the notes.

"Shut up." I muttered, throwing his pencil at him. I stood up and began walking towards the back doors, I grabbed my coat and beanie and made my way out the door. I sat on some nearby bricks, digging into my pockets for a pack of camels.

I dug further into my pocket finding my lighter, carefully I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, licking my lips slightly before putting it in my mouth and shoving the pack and lighter back into my pockets,

I shivered softly, taking a long drag from the cigarette, letting out an exasperated sigh as the smoke left my lips.

"Since when do you smoke?"

His voice echoed through my ears, I swallowed hard, taking another drag from the cigarette.

"College.. Just stresses me out more than high-school ever did." I mumbled, Bill chuckled softly, sitting beside me his beanie making his hair stick to his face.

Bill licked his lips, gently grabbing the cigarette between my lips.

"May I?"

I nodded, he grinned, taking the cigarette away and putting it between his lips, taking a long drag before letting the smoke leave his lips, gently dusting off some of the ash.

"Are the guys stressing you out?" Bill asked, I sighed, but I nodded softly.

"Yeah. A little."

Bill chuckled, I nudged him.

"Fine.. A lot. Just been pretty serious lately." I mumbled.

I took the cigarette away from him, taking another long drag, I looked at him for a second before blowing the smoke out of my lips.

I rested my head on his shoulder, he was startled I could tell, But after a couple seconds he settled down, he began wrapping one of his arms around me, his nails tickling me slightly.

He took the cigarette back and took another drag, blowing the smoke out slightly. Somehow he didn't react to the cold that much. It may just be because he's used to it.

I admired how red his face was. It suited him.

Looking at him for this long felt wrong, but It also felt so right. He was my poison, He hurt me but the admiration and love only grew.

My heart yearned for him.

I watched him take another drag of the cigarette, His eyes shut momentarily.

The smoke slowly left his lips.

He looked so pretty under the moon, he had this glint in his eyes, this shine to his face, his pale skin made him even more alluring.

Every second with him was worth something to me. It was worth everything.

I watched his hand fall, the cigarette being put out by the snow, He turned to look at me and without warning, He cupped my face gently, his other hand slowly tracing up and down my back to finally cup my face.

Both of his hands held my face, his eyes, looking away, back at me again, and then at my lips.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head, I swallowed hard, my body ached.

His hands still felt warm despite the cold, His breath hitched.

"Just let me look at you for a moment yeah?"

My heart almost instantly started to race.

I swallowed hard, my eyes darting left to right avoiding his eyes.

"Bill—"

He didn't say anything, He just looked at me, one of his hands dropped, tracing all the way down my neck and landing on my shoulder.

He squeezed it slightly, I watched him bite down on the inside of his cheek, he leaned forward, his breath tickling my neck.

"Sorry.."

Was all he mumbled, and before I knew it his lips had connected with mine. My breath hitched slightly, my eyes shutting slowly.

His hand tightened on my arm, making me deepen the kiss even further, he pulled away momentarily, catching his breath before he pushed his lips onto mine even harder.

I felt his tongue slip into my mouth, making me gasp slightly, his other hand dropped, roaming my torso.

"Closer."

He mumbled, making my whole body ache.

I swallowed hard, bringing my hands to surround the nape of his neck.

I felt all his hairs, small goosebumps trailed all over him, he pulled away kissing my cheek gently, his lips quivered slightly.

His tongue collided with my neck, swirling around for a second, he planted a small kiss before beginning to bite gently with his teeth, sucking softly.

An involuntary whine left my lips. I gripped his hair gently, not to hurt him but for some sort of support.

"It's- going to be noticeable.."

"Shh.. I know—"

My breath grew heavy, I shut my eyes to gain some sort of composure, my hands weakly gripping his clothing.

He pulled away from my neck, smoothing out the spot, he looked me in the eyes, they were filled with desperation and desire.

He bit his lip gently, connecting our lips yet again. This time it was more slow and gentle, he was trying to regain his own composure.

"What the fuck you said you'd get her not make out with her!"

Bill pulled away, my face slowly hiding behind him, I palmed my hands over my face embarrassed.

"Hey Georg.." I mumbled.

"Don't fucking ' hey ' me get your ass inside I need you to put some knowledge into Tom's brain!" Georg complained.

I rolled my eyes, I could see Bill's gentle smile, I smiled at him, I kissed his cheek, before standing up and walking back into the studio.

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #kaulitz twins #girl and boy #couple kissing

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mayaluvzyou · 6 months

Text

Popular

Eddie Munson x Cheerleader!reader

Warnings: Swearing, abusive relationship, subtle mentions of sexual assault, angst, kinda slow burn, pining, drug usage, f!reader, eventual smut, use of Y/N.

w.c: 1.8k

A/N: IT'S FINALLY HERE!! I know that the song came out in the 90s, but I love it so much and the lyrics are just so fanfic worthy. Btw this takes place in 1989 purely because I want it to. Also, this will have multiple parts !!!

I know this is kinda rushed but we're going to pretend it's not ♥️

×××××××××××××××

Today was the day. You had put off breaking up with your shitty boyfriend, Jason, for weeks now. If you had been dating anyone else, you wouldn't have hesitated to speak up about the issue. But, this was Jason Carver you were talking about. The school's most popular douchebag.

Everyone was almost always jealous of you for being Jason's girlfriend. Practically the whole school of Hawkins High was drooling over him, so, naturally they'd envy you.

You walked towards the cafeteria in a more stiff manner than usual. Could anyone blame you? No way. You were about three and a half minutes away from being the center of a new wave of drama, therefore you had more than enough reasons to be scared.

Taking a breath deeper than it should've been, you strutted into the cafeteria with the most faux confidence known to man- or to you, at least. Though nobody could tell you were feigning aplomb, it felt like you wanted to run out of there and shrivel up somewhere quiet.

You didn't feel like eating, so, it wasn't a surprise when you sat down at your usual table with no tray or lunchbox. Nobody seemed to notice. Jason certainly didn't.

Mere seconds after sitting down next to him, he uncomfortably snaked an arm around your waist with a smirk. He always did this. It was nice the first few times, but it didn't take long to get weird. It definitely was not as nice anymore. The two of you always sat at the head of the table, having nobody else directly next to either of you. This constantly gave Jason advantages, advantages you didn't like at all. One time, he made an attempt at touching you from under the table that was far from indisputable. The worst part was that you couldn't say anything about it. That was unless you wanted to end up bruised again.

Shuddering at the horrid memory, Jason started to speak, his hand now rubbing your side a little.

"Hey, babe, I was thinking of hosting another party at my place. You in?" He questioned, that disgustingly familiar smirk still plastered on his face.

"I- uhm..." You stuttered, unsure of how to go about this without the whole table hearing and going into a fit of whispers. "Just- c'mere- for a moment.." The tone you spoke in was unintentionally soft. There was no way in hell you'd ever raise your voice at him.

Pulling Jason along with you, you walked back out to the lockers closest to the entryway of the cafeteria, making sure there were little to no students roaming the halls for fear of them overhearing. "Jason, I just... I've been thinking," you took a shaky breath.

"I don't really think that this is.. that this is working out." You had never averted your gaze quicker in your life.

"Wha-" he paused, letting out an amused chuckle. "What do you mean, baby?" His smile was very slowly fading. He knew what you meant. No doubt about it. He just wanted to truly hear it from you.

"I mean I think we should, y'know, leave it here." The way you avoided the words 'break' and 'up' was so undeniably obvious- to both you and him.

"You're saying we should break up? Is that it?" Jason's smile had fully gone away, now replaced with a nasty scowl that made your heart rate increase. "You're saying you wanna leave me for some other dickhead?" With a snarling tone, his words soon became more rhetorical than ever as he shoved you into a cold, metallic locker behind you.

You gasped and winced at the aggression, though it was far from something new. "Jason, please! This is exactly why I'm saying this!" You retored, tears stinging and bubbling in your eyes.

"You know I'm the best you've ever had- and don't try and lie to me like you won't be choking on some other guys dick tomorrow!" Jason snapped back, the words hitting you like a ton of bricks. You wouldn't consider yourself a prude, but sex wasn't a frequent thing for you. It was almost entirely his fault that you knew as much as you did about it.

"Jesus fucking Christ- this is your problem!" You snapped back at your now ex-boyfriend.

"You get all pissed off when things don't go your way and blame it on anyone else but yourself! Just.. Just fuck off!" That was it. The first and most likely last time you had ever bitten back at him.

His immediate change from anger to both shock and fury in expression was enough. You ran off down the hallway before he could say anything more, tears burning and blurring your vision as they streamed down your flushed cheeks in warm lines.

You dashed down the hallway in uneven and uncoordinated steps, quickly barging into the closest bathroom you could find.

The door squeaked a little as it opened and closed. You went directly into the nearest stall, locking yourself in there for god knows how long.

Sinking down against the wall of the cramped bathroom stall, the overwhelming wave of emotion got the best of you. Nothing could stop the fact that you were full on sobbing at this point with zero care if anyone heard you.

It'd been five minutes. Five minutes of wholeheartedly crying your eyes out. That was up until you heard a familiar squeak. The bathroom door.

Shit.

"Hey, uhh.. R'you alright?" They asked, the only thing unusual about it was the fact that it was clearly a male student speaking. A male student. Why would a guy be in the girls bathroom?

You scrambled to wipe your tears and silence your whimpers, but it was too late. Someone had obviously heard you.

"Sh-shit.. Yeah, m'fine.." You somehow managed to mumble out in a small voice, just barely above a whisper.

There was a moment of silence. It seemed like he realized something too, though neither of you thought to mentioned anything about it.

Your eyes fought to find a semipermanent spot to rest for the awkwardly quiet conversation. They eventually landed on the pair of scuffed, white, Reebok sneakers creeping towards the bathroom stall you'd secluded yourself in. The shoes stopped moving about a foot away from the door.

"Can I, y'know, come in?- Or open the door, I guess?" The unknown student questioned, his tone uncertain whether or not it was a normal thing to ask.

The more he spoke, the more you felt as if you knew this boy. Since you didn't recognize his voice right off the bat, it was evident that you two didn't know each other too well.

"Uhm... I guess so.." You answered, the same level of uncertainty in your voice. With that, the door opened slowly, the anticipation to find out who this mystery student was becoming worse. Lo and behold, the schools freak stood towering over your body that was currently shriveled up in the dirty corner.

There was a subtle sense of recognition in his confused gaze. Did he know you or something? Of course he knew you. Everyone did. You aren't exactly a secret after being a school's most popular cheerleader.

"y/n..?" The boy spoke again, more confusion flooding into his single word than before he'd unmasked you. Everyone in the school thought you were perfect, not a single flaw in your soul. So, imagine the surprise of seeing you, crumpled up like a discarded note in the corner of a bathroom stall. Not exactly ideal.

You couldn't say anything. There was nothing to say. The most you could do was peer up at him with red, glossy eyes and mascara stains all down your flushed cheeks, limbs uncomfortably scrunched together.

"There is- so much to unpack here," Eddie stumbled on his words, eyes searching around frantically to no specific destination. "Shit.." His mind was running a mile a minute to think of something- anything to say.

"What're you," he took a breath, eye narrowing. "What're you doin' in the guys bathroom..?"

Your eyes went wide. As if this wasn't already an atrociously awkward and embarrassing interaction, he had to go and ruin it even more. He was unmistakably horrible at comforting people.

"Fuck!" You gave up, too much was happening in too little time. You let your head drop into your knees with another sob of more emotions than you could comprehend, and Eddie couldn't do much but watch your entire breakdown, making things about a million times worse.

Suddenly, Eddie acted on impulse, dropping to his knees to make somewhat of an attempt at helping you.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay." His hands twitched with hesitancy, hovering above your shoulders. Should he touch you? Could he touch you? What even happened? Hundreds of thoughts flooded his mind as he stayed there, unable to do much but stare at the way you crumbled into a shaking mess of tears.

Throwing all caution into the wind, he placed his ringed hands on your shoulders and just kept them there, hoping that would do at least a little good in trying to calm you down.

"y/n, look at me." His tone was gentle. The care in his voice clashed with his intimidating appearance. A lot.

Inhaling a shaky breath, you looked up at him with puffy eyes and trembling lips.

"D'you wanna tell me what happened?" Your brain went haywire at the simple question, but you did the best you could at remaining physically (somewhat) calm.

Wiping your stinging tears with the sleeve of your cardigan, you nodded softly. "Just- please don't tell anyone. I don't need everyone in the school to be talking about me."

"Pinky swear." He stated genuinely, holding out his pinky finger to you. The child-like way of promise made you chuckle just a little bit.

You took a breath to recollect yourself before speaking.

"I broke up with Jason."

"Holy fuck."

"I know- I don't.." You sniffled, reddened eyes filling up with water for what felt like the millionth time in the past fifteen minutes. "I don't know what to do, because I know for a f-fact he's gonna start some stupid rumor about how we broke up."

"Like what?" Oblivious to how insensitive that may have sounded considering the current circumstances, Eddie couldn't help but wonder what kind of shitty things the blonde jock would conjure up as a way of dramatic retaliation.

That was a low blow, even for the school's freak. At least that's what you thought.

Looking up at him with wet eyes and a look of disappointment, he immediately took back his previous question, scooting backward to give you a little space.

"Right. Sorry.." Eddie muttered an apology awkwardly, nothing but the chatter of students leaving the cafeteria heard between the two of you.

It took Eddie a minute-- or six-- but, he managed to think of something that he thought would help lighten the mood of the saddened cheerleader before him.

"How about we skip next period? Have a little fun, yeah?"

××××××××××××××××

This is such a short fic but wtv

I hope it was kinda enjoyable anyway 🫶

#Spotify #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #nada surf #eddie munson x cheerleader!reader #fuck jason carver #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff

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hools · 5 months

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Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)

hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!

Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.

even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.

and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.

& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?

but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3

#asks #anonymous #'i'm so glad i discovered your art' ur gonna make me cry man #not putting this under a read more read my thoughts buoy

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myloveismineallmine · 9 months

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Part 4!

back to claire and carmy. and this one is.... very funny to me actually

Song: Vega Tables - Brian Wilson

On fak walking in on sugar in the bathroom:

I tried to kick the ball but my tenny flew right off I'm red as a beet 'cause I'm so embarassed

fak walks in on nat, an embarrassing situation, fitting lyric here.

fak walks away, camera focuses on carmy serving claire & co, carmy tells claire she looks great:

(Mom and Daddy says)

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

carm walks over to sugar and asks if their mom came, and then asks why she's covered in water:

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

carmy hallucinates his previous boss:

(Wordless Vocals)

the song then fades away as carmen re-enters the kitchen.

so, yeah, that's it.

on the surface, this is a weird song choice. the only super fitting lyric is the one that's on fak about being "red as a beet." but considering how on the nose a lot of the music is, it would be strange for them to choose this song for that one singular line. like, this song isn't even popular enough to justify it being randomly played in the restaurant.

so, we gotta really use our brains and think about the context here.

plot recap time:

richie tells carmy that claire is on 31 and that he needs to say hi. carmy is like "Uhhh... eventually." richie insists he does it right away, carmy tells him no, they argue a bit, and eventually richie backs off.

some time passes....

carmy says he needs hands for table 31. syd is like "yeah, that's claire." (this bitch ALREADY forgot where his gf was) carmy's immediate reaction is "fuck, yeah, that's right. uh...."

he reluctantly says he'll do it, syd is like "is now the best time for that?"

he pulls THIS FUCKING FACE:

which he keeps on the whole walk out, like, this man is clearly terrified.

now let's look at the context of the song:

brian wilson was kind of a health nut, so the song is about how eating vegetables is good for you. while he actually enjoyed vegetables, the song is more satirical, and more about doing things your parents tell you to do (such as eating your vegetables.)

this is especially apparent with the lines on carmy and claire:

(Mom and Daddy says)

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

sleep, brush your teeth, exercise and work hard like your parents tell you to.

this in conjunction with richie telling carmy to go see claire, along with him, mikey and fak continuously telling him to pursue claire, really makes me think this song was chosen to reinforce that carmy feels obligated to be with claire because of expectations of others rather than out of his own volition.

like, think about it. a song about how you should listen to your parents and brush your teeth? while a character is supposed to be serving his girlfriend a nice dinner? for what reason???

i made a whole post about how carmy and claire's dates are literally just things that are technically chores. coincidently, doing chores is another thing, like eating vegetables, your parents will make you do.

the whole theme with claire seems to be doing things you don't really want to do, but others do want to see you do. which is ironic, because it completely contradicts carmy claiming that being with claire is for "fun and amusement."

i feel like carmen is just plagued with... doing everything everyone else wants him to do. he thinks claire is fun and amusing because people are telling him that she is good for him. he is literally panicking so many times he's confronted with her, but people say he needs a girlfriend, so he thinks they must be right.

on a happier note. the writers/editors were probably giggling and kicking their feet when they chose this song. like, oh the dumb song about eating your vegetables? by the beach boys? and we're gonna use it to represent how carmy doesn't feel happy with claire? hehehe the viewers won't get it but it'll be funny for us. i'm onto you guys, i see you...

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

#the bear meta #sydcarmy #the bear music #anti claire bear

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canon-gabriel-quotes · 8 months

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I'm about to be really stupid here for a second because I love making theories about Gabby's appearance based on the canon of angelic appearances of some churches so. Bear with me <3

In some beliefs (iirc the Roman and Orthodox Catholicism. But there might be more), angels appear to living beings in the form that is most easily "digestible" to their minds, such as humanoid or whatever Daniel saw that popular belief says is the True form. SO, basing on this fact and that V1 is possibly self aware and not just a "mindless AI", we can assume Gabe's appearance is the way it is because that's how V1 interprets whatever shape this silly man is.

Taking all of that into context, I assume his armor and wings change based on how V1 interprets the signals sent to his visor. If it's canon compliant (I don't recall lol) that his video buffer is actually low res for fuel efficiency, that could also fit in with why the wings are only visible to it sometimes.

All of that to say: Gabz got no human face under that helmet most certainly. I like to think V1 would see another robot under that thang since it's "the child of man" and, such as its predecessor, has a tendency to see things beyond its understanding and interpreted as "equals under a common law" as akin to itself.

Something something "God made in man's image" but switch it to robots 🔫🤠

Interpretations are fun (and feel free to send them :3)

Yes it’s canon that the low poly look is to save processing power for machines, except for sentries. Tho based on the paintings and stuff we see, that is just what he looks like to everyone. But that doesn’t have to be his “true form”. He can get weird as a treat :)

It could just be his default form for convenience 🤔 any [hopefully former] WoW players here.. lol. Could be like how the dragons take humanoid forms.

The wings disappearing and reappearing seems to be something he can just do tho. This isnt from V1s pov and they’re not visible.

The last part about v1 seeing his face as a machine reminds me of this art which is a very based interpretation but I can’t find it right now. I’m sure someone can link it. Basically his head was made of a bunch of hands around a ball of light and it looked similar to V1s head. Nvm someone linked it

Here is the art :)

reminds me of these lyrics that are So Gabe to me (song is Quiet as a Rat by Amigo the Devil)

#it’s like. impossible to find a specific tumblr post if you don’t have the exact text memorized it sucks lol #I tried to find the art for like 20 mins with no luck sowwy #what if the armor is like a cage keeping his shape.. what if the tiger breaks out #monster gabe save me. what. who said that.#my skill is going off topic #non voice post #ask #asks #I misremembered the art being a lot of hands but I was close enough

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foggyfanfic · 24 days

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What Tattoos would the Madrigals have?

Sorta a weird post, because presumably these characters are relatively devout Catholics, they absolutely would not ever get tattoos (not to mention we have no idea how much they know about micro-biology so jury’s out on how clean tattoos would be in Encanto). But I saw @teawizard ‘s picture of Bruno doing male thot jobs and it got me thinking. So!

Edit: Oof, this has been in my drafts way too long.

Alma

Hers are low key the most obvious to me. Alma would definitely have a little memorial tattoo for Pedro, and possibly have the triplet’s names. I’m operating under the assumption that she wasn’t born into an important family, so when she becomes La Señora Madrigal she makes an active effort to play the part rather than it coming naturally to her. Which would mean she might get a single tattoo right after losing Pedro, someplace easy for her to cover, then never again.

Agustín

I was going to say Agustín looks like he was raised too fancy to get tattoos even in this hypothetical, but then I actually thought about it a little. He’s supposed to be super accident prone, right? So, I think he’d have a tramp stamp. Hear me out! First time he goes out drinking with friends he discovers he is way more sensitive to alcohol than he thought he’d be. He wakes up with a bunch of blank spots in his memory, a helluva headache, and a sore spot on his back. A week or two later he is getting undressed to take a shower and notices something weird on his back out of the corner of his eye. And there it is! The words “Señor Madrigal” in a heart made out of healing herbs. Inexplicably, there are dolphins either side of the heart. When he asks his friends, he went missing for a while and they eventually found him hours later with his tie and vest off, and his shirt untucked. Biggest problem? He is not yet dating Julieta.

Julieta

In contrast, Julieta had an idea for a tattoo for her entire childhood, but figured she’d never get it because she knew her Má would hate it. She starts dating Agustín (is very amused when she sees his tattoo), then starts arguing with Alma over her boyfriend. In a fit of pique, she decides to get the tattoo whether or not her Má likes it. Even though Alma is annoyed at the tattoo itself, when she sees it she can’t help but like it. It’s essentially Julieta’s own version of the Hippocratic Oath on her left shoulder blade. Pepa makes fun of her because “even when you rebel against mother, you’re so perfect about it”. Eventually, Juli gets a matching tattoo with her siblings. Eventually.

Pepa

Pepa always wanted a tattoo but couldn’t settle on anything until Dolores is born. After that she gets each of her baby’s birthdates tattooed on her ankle. She would also eventually get a matching sibling tattoo.

Félix

Song lyrics, his wedding anniversary, and a tattoo that references his side of the family in some way. Maybe all together to form a sleeve, but more likely to be on his back.

Bruno

Bruno would have a full sleeve of good luck tattoos, and then some. He would have a chicken on one foot and a pig on the other (sailor superstition), on his shoulder blade opposite his sleeve he would have a prayer he likes that he got right before going into the walls. In an ill thought out fit of boredom he would give himself a stick and poke in the walls, the word “leña” on his knuckles (one of the ways to say wood in Spanish, although it looks like people usually use it to say firewood, but “madera” wouldn’t fit on his knuckles). Then when he gets out of the walls and is reunited with his sisters they would get a matching tattoo, the movie hasn’t really shown us enough of their relationship for me to say exactly what, but something meaningful to them.

Isabela

Immediately post movie she would get a sleeve of carnivorous and poisonous plants in order to express her newfound individuality. Later when she’s gotten over the initial high of finding herself, she would get a butterfly or something, something that represents her love for the family.

Dolores

One of Mariano’s poems on the inside of her forearm so she can reread it regularly. And a little lightning bolt right behind her ear, Pepa’s gift probably makes their relationship complicated, so I could see them looking for ways to show they do love each other despite said complications.

Luisa

She would have some sort of inspirational quote on her bicep about hard work, then post movie she would get another on the other arm about remembering to pause and enjoy life every once in a while.

Camilo

Like his mother he’d have a really hard time picking a tattoo, since the creators said they would have included him having slight identity issues if they had the space for it. When he gets on the other side of those issues, he gets those two theatre masks on the inside of his wrist to remind himself not to get too caught up in his own act.

Mirabel

Since she puts so much self expression into her clothes she wouldn’t really get the point of getting a tattoo until post movie when she starts actively building a relationship with Alma and thus gets to learn the town’s history more in depth than before. Then she gets the date the Encanto was established, a picture of the butterfly that was on the candle, and a quote about love conquering all.

Antonio

His back would become a guide to different animal tracks. So there would be the paw print and then right under it a label explaining what animal it goes to, but like all over his back and spilling down his arms when he runs out of room. Since he and the artist wouldn’t be sure how to do snake tracks, he’d have the local snake species circling his ankles and wrists.

#encanto #encanto headcanons #foggy rambles #inspired by teawizard #pretty sure I liked that post so I could reblog it when I post this #but this has been in my drafts so long that I’m not sure #I guess we will see!

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yellow-computer-mouse · 2 months

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⭐Intro Post⭐

ATTENTION: My DTIYS is up! Due date: October 5th!

Hey, what's up? I'm yellow-computer-mouse, also known as Yellow! I have a lot more info on my carrd, but here's the important stuff:

Pronouns:

He/Him

It/Its

Star/Stars

Ey/Em

I am a minor!

I am fictionkin (Snowfall WoF, Winter WoF, Aeolus EPIC) and a therian (Norwegian forest cat)!

⭐Userboxes by @kthecritter and myself! and blinkies by @spectral-stuff & @dragonpride17⭐

I use a lot of tone tags, and while you don't have to use them for me, it can help if the tone of a statement is unclear! Here are the main tags I use, along with their meaning! If you have any questions on other tone tags, ask away!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

/gen - Genuine! I honestly mean what I said! There is no sarcasm or passive aggressiveness in my sentence.

/genq - Genuine question! I'm asking a question out of curiosity, not malice!

/silly - Silly! I'm just messing around for the memes.

/lh - Light-hearted! I'm not being too serious, so don't stress it! Normally used alongside /silly :)

/lyr or /ly - Lyric! I'm quoting song lyrics.

I am also always willing to add trigger warnings to a post! If you feel like it's needed, let me know! You can reblog, send an ask, or DM me, whatever is most comfortable for you!

This does not apply to the 🦃🪓 anon because that is still ongoing, but please don't start ARGs with me. It's super cool that people want to, but I am not a puzzle guy. Thank you! (And no hate to turkeyaxe ^^)

I also use a lot of text colors! Here are the main ones and what they mean!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Red - Added emphasis. I'm drawing the eye to the important parts of a big text block.

Green - Links! I will never put anything incorrect behind a link, not even a rick roll.

Blue - Mostly just used on this post. I use blue whenever I type out a tag in the main part of a post.

Purple - Song lyrics!

Pink - Tagging a user!

There's some more things that I want to add, so they're going here! Nothing too important, so you can ignore this part if you want. /gen

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

My favorite color is yellow! It took me a while to figure this out, so please don't be mean about it. No yellow hate on this blog! /hj

I also like orange and red!

I love getting asks! Even if it's just one word with no context, it makes me happy!

I love it so much, I made three ask blogs! All are WoF-centered: @ask-hs-jade-winglet and @wof-adoption-au are canon characters, and @wofsidequesters is for my OCs!

I also made a daily art blog called @daily-snowfall! go check it out if you're interested in having one (1) snowy on your dash every day

My favorite food is cheesecake!

My birthday is July 28th! I am a Leo (or a Cancer, going by the new chart! lmk which fits better if you want ^^)

My favorite animals are isopods, thresher sharks, and whale sharks!

My favorite UTMV characters are Nightmare, Red, and Dust!

My favorite WoF characters are Winter, Turtle, Blue, Sunny, and Starflight!

I have a pet cat named Azzy, a dog named Homer, and a leopard gecko named Honeydew!

I have an Artfight! My user is yellow-computer!

I take requests sometimes! Icons and headers, free to use as long as you credit me! I draw dragons, furries, cats, humans/humanoids... pretty much whatever! Requests are currently open!

I don't have an extensive DNI, but there are still some things I'd like to keep out of my blog!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Proshippers/Comshippers/Neutrals

Zionists

Radqueers

Anti-furries (from people who believe all furries are zoophiles to people who just think it's weird)

TERFs/SWERFs

Basic DNI criteria (homophobes, transphobes, right-wingers/centrists, racists, etc.)

Here are some people who I welcome here!

Alterhumans/Nonhumans! (therians, fictionkin, otherkin, otherhearted, etc! Voidpunk as well, but that's different from the others listed)

Selfshippers! (As long as it's not pro/comship, go right ahead!)

Systems!

Those with commonly stigmatized disorders!

People who are "cringe"!

In general, anyone who isn't on my DNI!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I am a part of many fandoms, but here are some of my favorites!:

Will Wood

Bears in Trees

UTMV

WoF

Portal

Slime Rancher

The Owl House

Epic: the Musical

The main fandoms I post about are WoF and UTMV.

I am taking commissions for Palestine! More info on that in the post below, or DM me!

Also, if you are a Palestinian with a GoFundMe, feel free to send an ask or DM me for support! I can't donate, but I will promote your campaign however I can!

Remember to do your daily clicks for Palestine!

Icon Masterpost

Furry Species (Aebe) Masterpost

UTMV/WoF Playlist Masterpost

Blog Masterpost

Thanks for reading my rambles, and have fun! ^-^

#not skeletons #not art #not dragons #not tapeworms #yellow yaps #intro post

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corruptimles · 1 month

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I R EMMEBERED TO SEND YOU ANOTHER ONE. 🌠🌪️🖍️🎀✏️✂️🏊🌌 november

sicko at the window for talking about beans

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

for if everything didn't happen (legacys deaths? the supernova? them?)

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

November's characterization and appearance has actually stayed consistent since making them. At most, he doesn't talk as much anymore in his default state, and avoiding being outside of their suit more.

One thing that was retconned was a scene when November talked about missing safety railings. That was originally from Greyvember whose character was developed further later on, so the dialogue doesn't suit him anymore and Northvember said it instead.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

uhhhh that's rough buddy

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

November is really weird to fit into other worlds. He can't be in anything that doesn't include some form of a supernatural/magic system and/or creatures? Because if I were to simplify his concept down to what's recognizable: November is a collection of souls associated with a form or container where they attempt to be one guy or one thing. So any "modern au" without supernatural elements wouldn't really work. November's situation is not equivalent to irl cases of DID. Fantasy settings are probably fine. Be some weird cursed person or artifact, easy. Armoured suit November? could you imagine. There's a Pokemon AU for Modleyverse, where the only difference is that Pokemon exist. BUT. If November WAS a Pokemon, they're like a Spiritomb.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

From the playlist made for them uhhh maybe these parts

from Each Time I Die - Bones & Beeker

from November - Sparkbird

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

November so far hasn't been in a situation where it's gotten to that. It's theoretically very easy to get November to start avoiding you if they become afraid. An example is when Mars accidentally sliced the suit and November got scattered and panicked, and so started associating Mars with his tools rather than as crewmate. They got slightly better though, because they're both on a spaceship with nowhere to go, with Mars trying to coax November out of the vents, and something keeps urging November to do his tasks, so he couldn't hide forever. Other situations wouldn't resolve as easily, especially if November doesn't have any connection to the person prior.

🏊 SWIMMING - can they swim? or are they afraid of water? how well do they swim? how do they feel about swimming in the ocean?

Nope! It's really hard to swim with a suit, and otherwise would be extinguished if it's enough water. If with a proper suit, still cannot swim well at all. How they feel about swimming depends, but you're most likely to get either "no.. that's scary.." or "yes, I am an excellent swimmer :)!" and proceeds to not move because of subconscious self-preservation.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

First was their name. I just like code word stuff so I picked a couple names from the phonetic alphabet (my beloved) for an astronaut character. I think I had: bravo, kilo, november, tango, and whiskey? Friends suggested november because I was using the white suit and the month of november is cold. This influenced having a winter outfit theme later as well.

Visually, November was recycled from an old UOHRPG (different OC world) enemy + Vashta Nerada from Doctor Who

Other influences were also: The Flood (The Waters of Mars episode) which were liquid parasite colonies The Lux Foundation Library/Doctor Moon's concept of "saving" (which are also from Silence in the Library which is where the Vashta Nerada were introduced, and were the reason needing "saving") (cuz November is both the murderer and victim) That one specific burnt Elsen from OFF (which is what the UOHRPG enemy was inspired by) And the specific discomfort and fear I got from Everyman being swarmed in Undertale Obligatory The Thing mention, which may have also helped with the winter theme. And I like fur hoods, winter clothing in general -> the jacket/bag helmets and gas masks -> the fighter jet helmet uniform/military dress uniforms -> hat/neck tie/aiguilettes

#talk to me tag #egg-node #ask meme #this is my oc tag #november #modleyverse #long post #forbidden initial november sketch/concept art #modley interrogation

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saltygilmores · 3 months

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, 3x8, Let The Games Begin. Part 8-Party People Are You Ready to Cmrh?

Then she Cmere'd... I looked up the full lyrics of this song, Then She Appeared, for the first time today. And I feel this song is quite fitting for Jess and Rory, if for no other reason than they both appreciate References to Things.

Then she appeared Apple Venus on a half open shell Then she appeared The first photograph on Fox Talbots gel

I was a little frightened Flying with my senses heightened Cherubim cheered, then she appeared

Then she appeared As the giggling crew of Mary Celeste Then she appeared Pale Atlantis rising out of the west

I was a little dazzled Catherine wheeled and senses frazzled Know it sounds weird, then she appeared

And the sun which formally shone In the clearest summer sky Suddenly just changed address Now shines from her blue eyes

Then she appeared Brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap Then she appeared Dressed in tricolor and phrygian cap

I was a little troubled Hookah with my senses bubbled All Edward leered, then she appeared

And the moon which formally shone On the marbled midnight mile Suddenly just packed its bags Now shines from her bright smile

Then she appeared Out of nowhere Then she appeared Out of nowhere

I CANNOT. *leaps off a short building* Every time I'm about to put a pox on AmyShermanPalladino's home for ruining What Could Have Been, I center myself. I remind myself that this is 1000% Milo Fucking Ventimiglia's fault. We could have had it all. But no. He had to break free. He had to explore greener pastures. If greener pastures were unforgettable cinema classics such as Dirty Deeds (the movie where he jerks off into a loaf of bread) And Stay Alive. Amy Sherman Palladino was like, hey Milo, how about 5 years of steady work? And he was like no can do Amy but how about Jess gets hit by a bus for funsies?

You know what AmyShermanPalladino did ruin, though? This scene by having Rory abandon Jess to go find Dean for some reason.

That's DIRTY. What part works? Your wiener? Are you saying your wiener is working, Jess? I mean, that's good to know. But moot. The little fella is not going to see the light of the day for the next 8 months.

Uh oh. She's got that far off look in her eyes, people. Rory wears many crowns in this episode. The Queen of Blue Balls. The Queen of the Smooch and Run. She's got important business to attend to in both kingdoms. Jess will just have to attend to his own, apparently functioning, wiener.

Sports announcer named Bill who doesnt know anything about sports and is also a referee kinda and the other announcer is named Jim: Bill: Oh, it looks like there's been a violation on the court! To the bench for Gilmore! Jim, I've never seen such flagrant blue balling in all my years of describing television shows while I watch them as if they were basketball games! Jim: This is an unfortunate day for Jess Mariano's wiener, Bill. Bill: An unfortunate day indeed, Jim. Just as it's career was getting off the ground.

First of all Rory, of course you said "I look forward to many similar occurences in the future" after a mind bending makeout. Secondly, Why NOW? This very minute? Did Dean throw up the Butt Signal or something?

Yes, let us all Cumurrrh. If only life were made of nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and Cmeres.

She's still thinking about Dean while this is happening.

What Jess is going to be doing to his meat for the next 8 months. #beatit #justbeatit #beatthatmeat

Indeed. Hey, do you think Rory will run into Luke on her way to find Dean? I think his cock blocking mission went awry, he got lost and he's wandering around with a flashlight somewhere on the outskirts of Hartford, he thinks he sees movement in the bushes and thinks it must be Jess and Rory screwing on the ground in public (as it appears everyone thinks they do this) and he's like Aha! Found you! Jesstopher Mariano, as long as you live under my roof you will keep your pants on! It's back to the diner for you! You will work 12 hour shifts! I will pay you in acorns and pine cones and you will like it! And then he shines the flashlight but its just two stray dogs going at it. Between all this cock blocking and blue balling, there is a flicker of light. Of hope. of Joy. of Dean telling Rory to her face that nobody likes her. *wipes away tear* Dean was so real for this.

We get Dean creeping on Lorelai's window, Jess creeping on Lane's window, Rory climbing a tree and creeping in Dean's window...In none of these instances are any of the people behind the windows surprised or freaked out (Lorelai loved it, in fact). This one is particularly egregious. Girly really left Jess at a gas station so she could risk life and limb to climb a damn tree to talk to this clown with ugly curtains. Just what she needs, another broken arm that everyone could turn around and blame on Jess somehow.

Rory says she didn't want to ring the doorbell because she'd have to talk to Dean's mom who she thinks must hate her. Dean states his mom doesn't know anything. Yeah, it's probably not something Rory has to worry about, as I'm convinced Dean's parents dont know or care he exists. They just think a family of racoons lives upstairs and they made their den homey with a dartboard and a football poster. In any case, I don't think Mrs F gives a shit about her son's dorky high school drama. Thankfully not all moms are like Lorelai. Constantly meddling and sticking their noses into every tiny nook and cranny of their adult child's personal life. Speaking of Lorelai, Maybe Dean's Mom should be concerned though that he is being hotly pursued by a sexual predator (Lorelai). Okay, so not only did Rory leave Jess to talk to Dean, it wasn't even to discuss status of their own former relationship. She climbed a fucking tree just to implore Dean to tell his mom they broke up and to pout that his mom must hate her and thinks she's a little floozy (why would she think this? Mrs F's own worthless son dumped Rory, not the other way around. Also, Dean's mom better strap in in 2004.) Does my ex boyfriend's mom still love me and if she doesn't then why? Everyone loves me, Rory.

Describe Gilmore Girls Poorly: A show about about not engaging in any romantic relationships within a small town until you can escape and move at least 30 miles away. Again, if you think things are awkward now with your ex's mom... *whispers* 2004... Rory pouts that Dean is going to tell Clara and Clara is going to hate her too. Meanwhile, back at the gas pumps, Jess is realizing Luke is hopelessly lost and takes advantage of the situation.

Portrait of the jerkoff artist at work.

Sometimes, something happens in an episode of a tv show, something so DELICIOUS, that nothing else that happens afterwards even matters. Closing time, I know who I want to take me home, etc etc.

I really want to end the episode here because it would be just, UGH, perfect, but alas I still have soooo much rambling to do, while I bask in the confusing glow of Dean Forrester's humbling. Rory starts telling a story about some girl who lived in a tree for a year and Dean tries to close the blinds on her. Rory is not having it. Proceeds to tell a speech so unbelievably packed with lies and bullshit it would make Trump jealous. For every bullshit statement about Dean that comes out of her own, I'm going to zap with her with a tiny painless electric shock. Dean, you were the most amazing boyfriend in the world ⚡️ You made me so happy ⚡️ You made me laugh ⚡️ (when was this, exactly?) My mother liked you (and how!) you were nice to my friends ⚡️, you protected me ⚡️ (your friend had to protect you from his temper) you even came with me to that stupid ball (only after pitching a bitchfit about it first) I really did love you (only because my mommy said I had to love you) ⚡️I'm going to miss you sooo much⚡️(my mom will though) Dean: You're with him now? Rory: I don't want to talk about him. I just came to tell you how sorry I am. Wow. WOW.

Your NEW BOYFRIEND who is FRESH AS A DAISY and whose BALLS REALLY HURT right now is wondering where you went! Oh please Jess, do ask Rory tomorrow why she had to run off so suddenly. Let her stew in guilt juices as she struggles to explain how she ran away after your first real kiss as a couple to feed her ex boyfriend a freshly baked casserole of lies about how amazing he is and how much she misses him and how you, the new boyfriend, aren't even worth discussing. HOW IS DEAN THE HERO IN HIS EPISODE. Luke IS LOST really needs MONEY FOR CAB FARE FROM HARTFORD. She profusely apologizes for how she "treated him". Dean humbling Rory: Necessary on occasion Rory apologizing to Dean for anything: No. Just no. Even if she was at fault for certain things, like playing mind games and running around on him with Jess (Dean doesn't even know she cheated on him). We do not apologize to Dean for anything. Rory climbing a tree to grovel to Dean: Pathetic Rory climbing a tree to grovel to Dean and beg for his mom and 9 year old sister to please like her and tell Dean how uhmazing he was: Double pathetic with a side of Pity Cherries on top. We do not CRY-GROVEL to DEAN FORRESTER from a TREE! *whacks her with a newspaper*

Oh no..oh no...I swear she was walking away from the couch like she was going to go to bed, then she had to turn around. SHE HAD TO TURN AROUND. Rory: It was...eventful. Lorelai: It was eventful? *Chuckles in Lorelai* *a dark cloud forms* *Salty braces for impact of Couch Speech*