#some of the deaths were p stylish

[hibiscusangel15]

Battle Royale is more brutal than I was expecting. Usually when I go back to watch the origin of a trend (death tournaments/matches in this case), I'm a little underwhelmed, but that wasn't the case for this.

It's still really good. Highly recommend.

[dollfacefantasy]

FROM MY MOUTH TO YOURS ♡

pairing: light yagami x fem!reader x naoya zen'in

summary: light yagami is not gay. he has a girlfriend. naoya zen'in is just a special case.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, oral sex (m receiving), anal, fingering, threesome, mlm, misogyny, internalized homophobia, infidelity & cheating

a/n: people say bring back crossover fics... bring back silly fics... so i did... my masterpiece... picture of naoya by @ sso_s__ on twitter

Light felt as though he was looking into a funhouse mirror right now. The man that stood across from him in the alley resembled him in so many ways. The blonde hair swept into pointed bangs, the seemingly permanent scowl curled onto his lips. Even this guy's way of standing matched his own.

But there were also strong differences between them. The other man's hair ended with black tips. Shining silver studs pierced his earlobes, complimenting his pretty face. His golden eyes were even framed with inky liner.

Light could never imagine looking so stylish. He'd always relied on his natural looks to impress those around him. Never had he thought about enhancing his appearance with hair dye or jewelry or makeup. That stuff should be of no concern to a god. Light decides who lives and who dies in this world. Not if he wants his eyes to have winged tips or be double lined. Still, he felt a draw to it for some reason.

He'd been walking back to his apartment when Ryuk warned him something strange was lurking up ahead. Expecting a shinigami or at least another death note owner, he crept forward on guard. But all he found was this guy, who despite his striking appearance, seemed normal. The only thing of any significance was the way he was staring back with confusion.

"Can I help you?" Light asks, the words tasting hesitant on his tongue.

"Where am I?" the other man is quick to respond, clipped and expectant.

Light blinks at the question. "Are you lost?" he responds without answering the question.

"No," he replies so fast it seems automatic, "Well... sort of."

Strange. Light pulls out his phone and flips it open, thumb ready to dial a number. "Is there someone I could call for you?"

The other man's eyes catch on the device, examining it with a combination of curiosity and dismissal.

"What do you have that old thing for?" he scoffs. "Haven't seen one of those in a while."

A frown pulls at Light's lips. Sure, the phone wasn't the most modern model, but it wasn't that old. For someone needing help, this guy had an attitude about him.

"I know it's not like the new touch screen ones they have out now, but it works for me," he says flatly with a shrug, "Now did you have anyone who could pick you up or give you a ride home?"

Despite his attempt to move the conversation forward, the stranger still seems stuck on Light's choice of electronics. His brows have furrowed together, a gleam of bewilderment taking over the golden flecks in his irises.

"You know they have ones that can flip open with a touch screen. Why don't you get one of those? I doubt that thing can even play a video without burning a hole through your hand."

Light's eyes narrow at the other man. 

A flip phone with a touch screen? Why would this guy feel the need to tell such an inconsequential lie? Does he think I'm stupid? Was this a prank or a test of some sort? But for what? He's tested nothing but my patience so far.

He shakes his head after thinking to himself, still undecided on the motives of this pretty boy.

"I don't need it to play videos. I have a computer for that. Do you want me to call someone for you or not?" he huffs.

"It's 2018, phones are computers. Why restrict yourself?"

"Don't tell me you don't know when you are either," Light retorts.

"What?"

"It's not 2018. It's 2012."

This guy glances across the alley as if he's suspicious. Of what, Light has no clue. He wasn't the one loitering around a dark alleyway as the sun went down, getting into arguments with strangers about the year and flip phones.

He almost rolls his eyes but sighs instead. "Look, I don't have all night. I'd be happy to help you, but if you don't need anything, I really should get going."

In the first bit of uncertainty from this man, he pauses. "Could I go back with you to your apartment?"

Light's brow quirks up. "I don't think that's a good idea. I don't know you, and my girlfriend wouldn't be too happy about me bringing a stranger home."

A sneer even more severe than the one he'd given before takes over the man's features. "Please. Why would I be interested in thieving off someone carrying around a flip phone? My life is much more lavish than your own, I just don't want to wait around in an alley while I decide what to do."

Light feels his own arrogance boiling within, begging to bubble over and show itself. But before he can defend himself, this guy keeps talking.

"But, if you let your girlfriend decide who is and isn't allowed in your apartment, I doubt you'd be much help to me anyways," he says.

"She isn't the one who decides, but I don't want to deal with her getting upset because I brought some random guy home."

"You make it sound like she'd be jealous," the man smirks, a hint of teasing in his voice.

The words knock the wind out of Light. He audibly sputters. 

Why would she be jealous of a man? She knows I'm not gay. It would be pointless. Why would this guy even suggest that? Does he think I'm gay? There's no way. Is he gay? He's playing at something. He wants to rile me up so I'll let him come with me. But why? I'll go along with it just to see what he wants. If anything goes wrong, I have the piece of the death note on me. All I need for that is...

"What's your name?"

"Naoya Zen'in," he answers smoothly, "And yours?"

"Light." No way he was giving away his full name to this guy. He didn't know if he had a death note of his own on him. "I'll let you come with me, Naoya. But as soon as you get yourself together, you're gone."

"Works for me. I doubt it will take long, Light," Naoya agrees and crosses the alleyway to approach him, "Let's get going."

The two of them walk side by side in silence down the narrow pathway between buildings. Silence fills the space between them. Light continues to ruminate on the previous conversation while Naoya trots with an air of smug satisfaction about him.

"So why were you even in that alley in the first place? And why don't you know what you're going to do?" the younger man asks.

"I'm not from here. Well the city, I mean. My family lives outside it. I just have to figure out what to do about getting there," Naoya says, answering the second question first, "Last night, they had a party, and those things can get kind of wild. I don't really remember how I got out here."

A simplified explanation, Light can tell. "A party? So were you drinking or something?" he inquires further.

"Something like that... my family is different than most. You can't really understand if you're not one of us. This is probably like a test or something."

"Testing your ability to call a cab or get someone to give you a lift? Sounds pretty pointless," Light says. This guy was so casually arrogant. It rubbed some part of Light in a way he couldn't explain.

"My trip home will be farther than you might think," is all the older man says back.

Another pause comes over them. The sound of their shoes on the pavement takes the place of voices. Looking down, Light notices their paces are in sync. He lags for a moment to disrupt that.

"So you were coming home from work?" Naoya asks, picking up the slack in the conversation. From the way he speaks, it seems as if asking others about themselves is foreign to him.

"Something like that," he shrugs. A sigh leaves him. 

I should try to be social. To appear normal. If this is a test of some sort, I can't let him know he got in my head.

"I work on the Kira case. The investigation team aimed at discovering his identity," he tries again.

"Kira?" the other man asks. When Light turns and looks at him, it seems as though he had no clue what any of that meant.

"Yeah, Kira," he says. There was no way there were people who still didn't know about Kira. Not believing or agreeing was one thing. But not knowing was impossible. Not after the domination he'd achieved over the world since L's death.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

Light scowls and grumbles in irritation. It chips at both sides of his pride, even if he doesn't want to admit it. "Very funny."

"I told you my family lives far out of the city," Naoya defends.

"You'd have to be from another world to not know who Kira is," Light shakes his head, "Just follow along. We're almost there."

Naoya shrugs and continues on behind Light as they reach the final bit of the journey to his apartment. Thunder cracks in the cloudy sky above, indicating some rain would pour down in the coming hours. The wind was picking up too. Light pulls his jacket tighter around his frame and bounces up the stairs to his floor.

He pulls the key out of his pocket when he gets there and jams it in the lock. The door creaks open, and the both of them head inside. All the lights in the apartment are still off, meaning no one else has come home yet. Before doing anything else, Light slips his coat off and hangs it up along with his bag on the sleek rack fastened to the wall. He then drops his keys and wallet on the nearby wooden side table.

Walking further into the apartment, he clicks a light on. Once Naoya can see, he scans the place. It's much neater than he would've expected from a young couple. No belongings strewn over couches or chairs, no mail piling on the counter, or furniture that's damaged but yet to be replaced.

Light heads into the living room, so Naoya trails a few paces behind. It's modest but comfortable in here. A basic sofa and a plush set of chairs. A tv on the wall that was nice for the time. The kitchen in an alcove off to the side, and then a hallway towards the back which he assumed led to the bedroom and bathroom. The two of you even had a sliding door to a balcony on the wall opposite him. He could see the angry storm clouds brewing in the distance.

The first piece of evidence that this place is lived-in sits on the bookshelf next to the tv. Naoya's eyes linger on the object the moment he notices it. A framed photograph. Bordered by silver, Light and you. Your hand cupped beneath his jaw, fingers squishing his cheeks as you plant a kiss to his face.

"Is that your girlfriend?" he asks. He tries to sound neutral, but his natural disdain seeps through.

As if snapped out of his thoughts, Light's head whips in his direction. His eyes search for what Naoya's referring to, but once he sees, he nods. A simple gesture, no real pride in it.

"Yeah, that's her."

"She's pretty, I guess."

"Yeah."

"Have you been with her long?" Naoya asks and turns to face Light completely.

The other man sits down in one of the chairs, silently beckoning Naoya to do the same.

"Yeah, about... four years now."

"Is she the only one you've ever been with?" he asks as he sits down on the couch instead.

"Yeah. The only lasting one, anyways."

"The only one you've ever fucked?"

Light's cheeks fill with color at the question. First implying he was gay, and now this? What was this guy's problem? He sits up straighter in his chair, clearing his throat and smoothing out some wrinkles in his pants.

"That's really none of your business. You shouldn't be so blunt as a guest in someone else's home. Maybe your family never taught you that."

A grin breaks out across the other man's pretty face. "It's a reasonable assumption. You two live together. You're adults."

"Then why do you even have to ask?" Light mutters. 

He's far too good at bothering me. Maybe I should try playing by his rules. Be blunt. Take the offensive. Find out if he's up to something.

"I'm just trying to figure you out," Naoya interrupts his inner monologue, "You don't have to get all defensive about it. Even if you're a virgin, I won't judge."

"I'm not a virgin," Light says quickly, putting that to rest before it can even become a debate.

In truth, his sex life with you was a sore spot. He wasn't a virgin - that was true - but that's not to say you two have sex often. A month had passed since the last time he'd been inside you. It was never bad... he just had more important things to do. He still cared about you, in a way. He always made sure to keep you safe. But he didn't have time for romance. Not while crafting a new world.

That had been a point of contention in your relationship for years, something you were constantly getting upset about. There was no way Naoya could know that from the thirty or so minutes they'd known each other though. So why was he asking?

"What are you even trying to figure out? Shouldn't you be more worried about getting home than what me and my girlfriend do in our alone time?" Light says, a bit snappier than before.

Naoya's grin becomes more fox-like. "I'm still thinking about that. Can I not wonder about you too?" he asks. When he receives no response from Light, he continues speaking. "I just thought it would make sense if you were a virgin. But it still adds up that you've never been with anyone else. That's why you let her have such a handle on you."

The words inflame Light, but he tries to suppress any reaction. "She doesn't have a handle on me. I handle her."

"Didn't seem like it when I asked if I could come over here."

Damn it. He got me there. What am I doing? I don't have to put up with this. I don't even know this guy. Who the hell does he think he is? I could have him dead in minutes if I wanted to. He should be on his knees- I mean bowing at my feet, thanking me for sparing his life.

Light's expression grows more agitated. "Well I do. I'm sure you think you're some kind of expert on this, but I doubt you've ever even had a girlfriend before," he fires back.

And Naoya laughs. He fucking laughs at him! Unbelievable.

"You're right, I've never had a girlfriend before, but I've been with tons of girls," he says.

Light rolls his eyes so hard, they're in danger of falling out of his skull. "I can't say I don't see why they didn't stick around."

"It's not them who make the decision to not go forward. I have no interest in having a girlfriend," he says simply, "Women are only kept around because God knew that men couldn't be burdened with the curse of bearing children. So he saddled women with that duty. That's their purpose. I don't understand why we have to pretend their existence should amount to anything more."

Silence fills the room after that mini-speech. Light had never heard anyone say anything so... like that. This guy's family really must have been out there.

"That's not-"

"It's the truth. Any man who says otherwise is lying or has been tricked into believing that he should love something so wholly beneath him," he continues.

Light doesn't even know how to argue with him when he seems so confident that he's correct. How did the conversation even get to this point?

"I can see it in your eyes, you know she's not your equal," he says and gestures to the picture with you on the shelf, "You don't have the connection with her that you have with even me, and I've known you less than an hour. She can't understand you."

The words are uncomfortable in Light's ears. They wriggle their way inside his head and wrap around his brain, squeezing and trying to push their sentiment onto him. Part of him felt it was true. Oftentimes, he didn't think you could understand him. Not from lack of effort, just as if it was something you're incapable of.

You'd whine at him for attention, pressing against his side on the couch in an attempt to get him to cuddle you. And he would sometimes, but not as much as you wanted. So your rants about his lack of affection never seemed to end. You never thought to look at it from his perspective. Always jumping to the conclusion that he didn't love you, never once considering that he just wasn't a physically affectionate person.

He still felt some guilt clawing at his stomach though, like he shouldn't be thinking of you like this.

As if Naoya can read his mind, he softens his words a bit for his next point. "I'm not saying you can't care about them - though, to be clear, I don't. But maybe you do care for your girlfriend. You just don't love her. She's a companion for you. Like a pet. Something that makes you feel needed."

"It's not that," Light says, "I know I'm needed. And I'm needed for much greater things than taking care of her. We've been together for a long time. And... we just... go together. I can't just get rid of her. Plus she can be useful sometimes."

Naoya nods, his brows rising into a patronizing look. Light hates it. Despises the assumption that he's weak for not hating you. It's just the truth, even when you drive him crazy and annoy him to levels he didn't think possible, he didn't hate you. He didn't feel passionate enough about you to hate.

He wants to talk about something else though; to leave this subject behind in favor of something that would put Naoya in the hot seat and make him insecure too. It's not his proudest moment, but he swings at the lowest hanging fruit he can think of.

"So... what's with the makeup and the hair? Did your dad not give you enough attention or something?"

Naoya laughs again, the winged tips of his eyeliner crinkling in amusement. "No. I'm daddy's favorite," he says, unaffected.

It stirs envy within Light, the way he could be so casual about being prodded at. He didn't get defensive at the implication or start stuttering and tripping over words. His jaw clenches as he tries to think of something else that could get to Naoya, but the older man beats him to it.

"You don't like it? Or are you jealous?"

He got him yet a-fucking-gain because Light freezes. He stares at Naoya, unsure of what to say.

"I'm not jealous. I was just curious. Most guys don't wear that stuff."

"I'm better than most guys," he says as if it's fact, "I could show you how to do it if you want."

"W-what? I can't- There's- I don't have any of that stuff."

"Your girlfriend doesn't have any makeup?" he asks, unconvinced, "It looks like she's wearing a lot in that picture."

"She does, but-"

"Then go get it, and I'll show you how. I can tell you want to. You may not like it, but you want to know."

And that was true. He was curious if anything else. That's what he tells himself as he rises to his feet and goes into your shared room. He sees you'd made the bed this morning before you left for work.

Your bedroom was visibly divided into two sectors. Light's was pristine. Clean without clutter, well-kept and functional. The made-up bed was the only part of yours that appeared that way. Pieces of your personality littered your nightstand. A pile of clothes he'd asked you to put away sat in the corner on the chair. And then in the farthest corner stood the vanity where you did your makeup.

He creeps over there as if you'd suddenly jump out from under the bed and scold him for even thinking about it. Looking down at the dark wood of the table, he finds that you're not very organized. A few different containers sit atop the surface, holding brushes and tubes of cream. You have a holder for your hair ties and combs. A rack for your perfume. Nowhere among these things though, does he find a black eye pencil.

Opening the drawers, he scans their contents. One is dedicated to eye shadow palettes, the next is filled with lipsticks and glosses. Finally the third has a thin, black stick tucked towards the back. He grabs it and returns to the living room where Naoya is still sitting on the couch.

Light makes his way over and sits on the adjacent cushion. He shoves the product into Naoya's palm, briefly getting a feel of how smooth the other man's hand is.

"Alright, sit back," Naoya says.

"What-" Light starts before his eyes widen. 

Naoya climbs on top of him. He's straddling him. Everything in Light screams at him to push him off, shove him to the floor and rocket to his feet to kick him out of the apartment. His heart thunders in his chest, his breaths shaking before they can even leave his lungs.

He can feel the heat of the other man's body above his. This close, he can see his golden eyes in detail. They look like that of a fox's, cunning and sly.

His slender fingers curl over Light's shoulders as he adjusts. He huffs out a laugh, and Light can feel the heat of his breath fan over his face.

"Calm down. I just have to get close enough or else it'll come out crooked. This is the easiest position."

Light nods and clears his throat. He exhales slowly, allowing his awkwardness about the situation to leave him. It's fine. He's just messing with him. He'll probably leave right after this. It's just fun.

But if it's just fun, why do his eyes keep darting towards the door to see if the knob rattles with your arrival?

Naoya scoots a little closer, his pelvis pressing against Light's belly. The cap of the makeup tool pops off, and he tucks it into his pocket.

"You have nice eyes, Light. Deep brown. Pretty," Naoya mutters as his fingers come up to tilt his head back against the couch.

A loud pop of thunder echoes through the sky outside. Following it is the soft pittering of rain against the balcony. Light swallows hard. He feels an involuntary rush of heat creeping up his neck. He hopes it's not visible, but he knows his wishes haven't been granted when Naoya chuckles.

"Blushing from just that? Does she give you any attention?"

And that's the bad part. You do give him attention. Tons of it. So much he feels like he's drowning most days. You adore calling him pretty boy, to which he scowls every time and tells you to quit it. You love running your fingers through his hair and complimenting the smooth texture before he swats your limb away and rolls the eyes Naoya just praised. He wasn't pushing him away though.

The pad of his thumb sweeps over Light's cheek, assessing the space it'd be working with.

"Close your eyes," he directs, his voice the softest it's been since they met in the alley.

So he does. The rich chocolate brown becomes obscured by his delicate lids. He shudders suddenly, realizing he was in an extremely vulnerable position. He'd let this man lure him straight into a trap. If Naoya did have any ill intent, he could certainly act on it now.

But he doesn't. All that happens is the tender stroke of the pen along the edge of his eye. Naoya doesn't say anything while he works. Repeated brushes of the tip ghost along his lashes. He feels the wetness dragging up into a point in the outer corner. The other eye gets the same treatment, the process done for the second time on that lid.

"Open," the man above him purrs.

His lashes flutter up as his eyes come back into view. He's met with a wild grin across Naoya's face. His heart feels like it's stalling in his chest, like it's losing its rhythm, unable to beat right under the pressure of his gaze.

"Wow," he croons, dragging the back of his finger over Light's cheek, "You look good. Almost as good as me."

This time, the heat stirs in a different part of Light's body. He tries to shut it down immediately. Think of something else.

"Let me see how I look," he says. If he saw how goofy he looked, surely any feelings of desire would dissolve.

"You should've brought a mirror," Naoya taunts as he gets up. He grabs a decorative one off the shelf and brings it back to the sofa. Instead of taking the opportunity to return to his previous spot next to Light, he returns to his lap. He holds the mirror up in front of his own face, letting Light look at his own face staring back.

He blinks a few times, watching as his lashes flutter and accentuate the deep lines Naoya had drawn. They stretch down to his inner corners up in the direction of his temples. The urge to reject what he's seeing gnaws at him, but he knows he likes it. He can't deny it.

"So what do you think?" Naoya asks and puts the mirror behind him on the table.

"It's not bad. Better than I thought it'd look." He figures it's better to give a half-truth rather than a complete lie. Less ammunition for Naoya to tease him with.

"You shouldn't have doubted my talents," he teases, "Let me do the bottoms now."

Without leaving room for argument, he guides Light's head back to where it had been before.

"Keep your eyes open this time."

Just as before, he obeys Naoya's command. He looks at the ceiling. He didn't think he'd be able to quell the feeling between his legs if he looked into those gilded eyes. The way his pupils dart away, as if running from Naoya's own, makes his thought process obvious.

"You have such good features," he praises in a murmur, "Cute nose, defined cheeks, pouty lips. Pretty."

And with those soft words he feels himself start to fill out his pants again. He squirms, trying to adjust in preparation for the worst case scenario. Fuck, this was humiliating. The only bright spot was that Ryuk had made himself scarce as soon as Naoya climbed on top of Light, so he wasn't here to mock from the sidelines. That would be the only thing that could make this worse.

Or so Light thought.

Because then the hand of Naoya's that isn't applying eyeliner comes up to cup his jaw. His thumb rubs across Light's plush bottom lip. Back and forth, tantalizingly slow.

He chokes back a whimper, but there's no way to hide the dilation of his pupils. Naoya catches it, of course. It's obvious by the way he leans in closer.

"Your lips feel just as soft as they look," he breathes before lowering his head further and replacing his digit with his lips.

Light moans into the kiss. His eyes shut again, and he melts beneath the gentle touch. Naoya takes the invitation to move in further, scooting even closer on Light's lap. His ass lands on the other man's thighs, the heat of their bodies' melding into one.

Flicking his tongue over the seam of Light's mouth, Naoya deepens the exchange. He tastes the sweetness of his saliva, and feels the smoothness of their tongues brushing against each other. Their lips move slowly, exploring each other more than anything else.

Naoya pulls back for a second to glance down at his face. "Your girlfriend... she can't understand. None of them can. They don't know what it's like to be one of us."

Light hangs on every word, and then leans up to go in for more. Naoya reciprocates, dropping the eyeliner onto the couch to leave streaks Light would have to deal with later. Kisses turn into full blown making out. Naoya still manages to get a few words out against his mouth.

"They don't understand how to please. What feels good," he mutters as a palm slides down to palm at Light's solid bulge, "I do though."

His hips buck into the touch on instinct, a gasp leaving his throat in tandem. Fuck, that felt so good. What was happening? He wasn't gay. Light was sure of that. He liked girls. Well maybe not liked, but he was attracted to them. He had you. He didn't think about guys like this.

Even with Naoya mentioning you, the thought of you doesn't cross Light's mind until he hears the sound of your voice. The feeling of Naoya's lips on his own had him too distracted to notice the cue he'd been previously waiting for.

"What the fuck?" you cut through the fog of lust with your sharp tone.

It almost doesn't feel real, like the nonsensical part of a dream that lets you know it's just that. He turns his head to look at you, to try and explain what you walked into. His lips leave Naoya's, but that doesn't deter him from planting a few kisses on Light's throat before looking over at you too.

What to say, what to say, what to say? Fuck. He couldn't use the cliche 'it's not what it looks like.' But what even was the truth? He was cheating on you, but... it didn't feel like it? He gawks at you for a moment before making the first attempt at justification.

"I- um... I swear, just let me explain to you-" he starts, but it's like you don't even hear him.

You stomp over to the couch, rage blazing in your eyes. "Is that MY fucking eyeliner?" you ask, absolutely incensed.

It was one thing to cheat on you, but to use YOUR makeup for the foreplay?? A whole other matter entirely.

"Yes," he says and moves Naoya back onto his part of the couch.

He quickly realizes that decision was a mistake though when the outline of his stiff cock against his pants becomes visible for everyone in the room. The evidence of his arousal just seems to upset you more. Tears start welling in your eyes, and Light's mind scrambles to defuse this situation before it gets out of hand.

It wasn't so much you being hurt that bothered him; rather he worried you might do something irrational to get back at him. This was the part of your relationship he didn't want to admit to Naoya. You knew most of his secrets. Being together since the two of you were eighteen, you saw so much of him. Not only could you expose what you saw right now, you had the potential to ruin his life.

He considers writing your name down on the piece of paper he keeps in his pocket, but it was far too risky. You'd know what he was doing in a second, and you had a piece on you too. You could scribble out Light Yagami just as quickly. His only hope would be that you'd be so tempted to write him out a long, horrible death, that it'd give him the advantage of time over you.

But instead of testing fate, he decides to deal with the problem head on.

"Baby," he starts, forcing out one of the pet names you always begged him to call you, "Just listen to me, ok? You have every right to be upset, but just don't do anything irrational. I can explain what happened."

You stay where you are, body visibly rigid with anger. But you don't lunge at him or storm off, so that's a good sign.

Before he can continue, Naoya scoffs from behind him, sounding more annoyed by the interruption than anything else. "Women. Creatures of pure emotion."

That does set you off. "Who the fuck even are you?"

Light reaches out for your hand and guides you to sit on the couch next to him before this can get any worse.

"That's Naoya," he begins. He then gives you a summary of the last hour and a half, leaving out a few choice parts.

Your face slowly loses emotion and retreats into a neutral expression. It both worries him and settles his nerves.

"So are you gay?" you ask at the end of his story, "Is that what you're trying to tell me? Is that why you won't touch me?"

"What?" he says defensively, "No! I'm not gay. I'm just... is that really all you took away from that?"

You shrug. 

Naoya chimes in from behind again. "You can't blame him not wanting to touch you on being gay. That just seems like the reaction any sensible person would have."

"Why the fuck are you still here?" you snap at him, "Claire's is probably missing their best customer, so feel free to leave."

"Light told you why I'm here," he smirks. He leans forward and rests his chin on your boyfriend's shoulder, looking at his face. "I think I was right before. She is jealous of me."

Light's pretty sure you're about to lunge over him and tackle Naoya through the sliding glass door, out into the rain.

"Stop," he says, shooting the other man a look.

He then grabs your hand and squeezes it, a gesture that's supposed to be reassuring.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. You didn't deserve it," he says, speaking in his usual calm tone of voice, "You aren't the problem. I'm the one who felt the need to do this. I just have so much going on, and I feel trapped. I don't know where to go, so I went for the first sign of escape I could find. And that was wrong, I know. I should've just talked to you about it."

It was all what you wanted to hear, and you wanted to believe it so badly. He knew just how to play you.

"You don't have to leave though. You're important to me. You can be a part of this too."

"This isn't a porno, Light. I'm not just gonna drop my panties because you said sorry."

Your external rejection was a display meant to hide your feelings within. You hated that he wanted to continue whatever this was with this guy, but you were at least happy you had the option to be included. You wanted to believe that this was simply him getting swept up in the thrill of something new, but that he'd always return to the comfort of familiarity with you.

He reaches out and cups your cheek, pulling a little to scoot you closer. You follow along and inch over to the middle cushion.

"See? Obedient like a pet," Naoya whispers, nipping at Light's earlobe and pecking the skin beneath.

You shoot him a glare, but it does no good.  He doesn't even look your way.

Light doesn't respond to the animosity. He focuses on walking the thin line between you and Naoya, keeping this situation balanced and you from exploding and reigning hellfire upon his life.

"Good girl," he mumbles. Another name you'd asked for before. He'd have to dial it back a little in a moment, or it'd be obvious how thick he's laying it on. "Just try it for me. You'll feel much better with us then you would be sulking alone in the bedroom."

You pause, taking one last moment of hesitation. Your eyes rotate between them as you consider getting up and keeping your dignity. Lightning flashes outside and thunder follows. You know you shouldn't do this, but you can't rid the part of you that wants to please Light. That wants him to care for you like you care for him. It's so deeply rooted, that it's easier to just give in than try and weed it out.

You nod your head.

His hand pulls you all the way in, connecting your lips. He's not as passionate as he was before, but you didn't get a close enough look to know that. In a way, he feels like he's mimicking Naoya's techniques on you. You sigh softly and shut your eyes, returning the affection in full.

On Light's throat, Naoya attaches his mouth. That strikes a spark within the younger man again. His lips float up and down the column, gliding over the tender skin with precision. It works a whimper out of Light, and that's when Naoya's hand creeps around his body and slides up his thigh. His palm finds his erection, which hadn't fully dwindled yet.

"Still hard, Light? You must want me bad," he taunts before using his teeth to pull at the flesh on his neck.

He moans, and your eyes flash with jealousy. You stare into the golden spheres, hating this man you barely even knew.

Bringing your lips down, you begin to work on the other side of Light's throat. You lap at his pulse point before attaching your lips and sucking a little mark onto the pale expanse. In tandem, your hand slides down his chest to rest on his thigh teasingly.

As if switching positions with you, Naoya rises to Light's lips. He resumes the kiss that you had interrupted. And even with your hand getting closer down below, he keeps his own cupped over Light's cock, like he's his instead of yours.

Light whimpers from all the attention on him. He sinks back into the plush cushions, and both you and Naoya follow along. His eyes droop closed, allowing him to just feel. 

Without the visuals, he can still tell the touches of Naoya and you apart. Your lips are smaller, your touches more delicate. Your fingers linger and tease, coaxing a reaction. Naoya goes for what he wants, and what he wants is Light to squirm and whine. He paws and grabs, rough squeezes and harsh bites between kisses. He makes his heart pound and his head spin, struggling to keep up.

Before he knows it, a familiar hand is creeping up his shirt while one he doesn't recognize so well slides into his pants. He gasps as Naoya's fingertips make direct contact with his dick. They swipe at the sensitive tip, rubbing the ridge and drifting across the slit. His hips writhe, pushing him further back into the couch.

You huff. It wasn't fair. Of course you wouldn't be able to make Light feel as good when you only had access to his upper body. It was an unfair disadvantage, but you decide to try your hardest anyway. Your nails lightly scrape circles around his nipples, teasing the buds but not touching them just yet

His eyes snap open and dart to you. You'd never tried that before. "Wh-what are you doing?" he asks.

"Nothing, baby. Just trying to make you feel good," you whisper. 

You didn't understand how you touching his nipples earned him questioning you, but this guy he'd known for two hours could hold his balls in the palm of his hand without a shred of hesitation. You just decide to silence your annoyance by leaning in to kiss him again.

Naoya had left Light's lips in favor of pushing down the man's pants and watching his cock leak and drool. Shimmery beads of precum oozed out of him with each firm tug to his cock.

"So much coming out of you already... we should get to the good stuff so you don't cum too early," he mocks with one last squeeze to Light's shaft.

He then stands up and removes his own clothing. You follow suit and do the same for yourself, not wanting to be unmatched.

At first, Light lazily watches the both of you, taking in the sight of your breasts and Naoya's toned stomach. But once Naoya's removed his shirt and discarded it to the floor, Light's eyes lock on the other man.

Silver piercings shine through Naoya's nipples, and it's obvious Light's never seen anything like it before. He studies them as though he's discovering something for the first time. His jaw doesn't drop, but it might as well have from how wide his eyes are.

You drop the rest of your clothes without much effort, annoyed by the lack of attention from your boyfriend. Meanwhile, Naoya takes his time. He peels off his pants, building the seductive tension with a measured pace.

Crawling back onto the couch, you nuzzle Light's neck like a kitten, cooing in his ear. "Need you inside me, baby. Want you so bad."

He nods vaguely, your words clearly going in one ear and shooting right back out at you. His eyes are still on Naoya, who's now standing there stroking his own cock to full attention.

You scowl. Of course, Naoya's length is as pretty as the rest of him. It's a good size with a proud head that makes even you crave a taste. He's well-groomed, everything about him, enticing.

He smiles at your boyfriend, arrogance written all over his face. "You can fuck your little girlfriend, Light. And she can get me ready for you."

Without a second thought, Light nods, and suddenly, he's much more invested in you. He guides you to lay back on the couch and gets to his knees at the end of you. Naoya takes up the spot next to your head, leaning against the cushions for stability.

Disrobing the rest of the way, Light lines up his dick to your entrance, faster than he'd ever done when it was just the two of you. He slides the tip in, grunting at how tight you are. Your slick coats him inch by inch until he's bottomed out.

Up top, Naoya strokes your hair and looks down at you with sinister intent. His cock awaits your mouth inches away from your lips.

"Use any teeth, and I'll make sure you have none left before I'm done with you," he says lowly.

Your eyes harden into a glare, but when the reddened head bumps your lips, you accept it. The shaft slides over your tongue to the back. The man above you lets out a groan and tilts his head back.

"Mmmm... she's got a good mouth," Naoya hums, "You teach her that, or is she just naturally such a slut?"

Light had been focused on rabbiting his hips against your center, finding some relief from how worked up he'd gotten. The words bring him back to reality. He looks up at the other man, taking a second to process the question.

"Oh... she's always been good at that," he says.

And it was the truth. You gave good blowjobs, and Light's favorite part about them was that they made you feel connected to him or something. All he had to do was sit back, close his eyes, and let you make him cum, and you wouldn't bitch about the lack of intimacy between you two.

He curls his fingers into your thighs harder, lifting them a bit so he has leverage to fuck into you harder. Sounds of your elicit activities fill the room. Skin claps against skin while you gag on Naoya's cock. Hips pump against your face, a hand cupped on the back of your head to make sure you take it all. You can barely breathe. Your nails dig into the cushions, and your body squirms more in an attempt to find some reprieve.

All Naoya does is laugh. He grins wider as he watches you struggle beneath him. His hand extends to paw at your breast and casually tweak a nipple, bringing broken whimpers from you in between the garbled groans.

"Look at you," Naoya coos. He doesn't even know you, but it seems he can't help mocking. "This is what you're good for, huh? Light's been too soft on you. Hasn't shown you your place."

The lack of oxygen makes the words roll over you like water. You keep sucking the best you can as Naoya fucks your face and Light pounds into your cunt. They both thrust with one thing in mind: their own pleasure. You're nothing more than a conduit between them.

Soon, that changes. Naoya pulls his dick from your mouth. It drips and gleams with your saliva. You inhale deeply, enjoying the fresh sensation of air hitting your lungs. He steps back and goes down to stand behind Light. His hands land on your boyfriend's sides, rubbing up and down the lean expanse of his torso.

"Feeling good? Is she tight?" he whispers as he kisses up the other man's neck, nosing at his undyed hair.

"Y-yeah," Light stammers. He feels like he's gonna malfunction.

His hips rock without error, seemingly unable to stop ricocheting into the warm, wet embrace of your pussy. Naoya scrapes his nails down Light's stomach and scratches at his v-line. His back arches and a series of whimpers pours from his lips.

"I bet you're even tighter."

Light's previously drooping eyes widen, and before he knows it, Naoya's hand has slid to his ass, fingers already prodding at his entrance. He whimpers again, trying to think of a question or a protest. This couldn't be happening.

But then it does. Two digits slip inside. And fuck, it feels so right.

Back and forth, back and forth. He maintains the steady rhythm while fucking you. From your angle, you're not totally sure what he's doing, so you let your head fall back and bliss out.

"That's right," Naoya breathes, "Fuck yourself back on my fingers. Stretch yourself out for the real thing."

And Light continues to do just that. Naoya keeps it at two fingers, never trying out a third. After he believes the other man's had enough practice, he pulls his fingers out, relishing the needy mewls Light makes.

He slots his wet dick between his cheeks before slowly pushing it in. Light has to stop for a moment. Give himself some time to adjust to the feeling of being full. A shiver sweeps up his body, and he clutches the dough of your thighs harder.

Naoya soothes the sensation by rubbing a hand up and down his spine rhythmically. Once he's calmed down, the same hand slides into his soft locks and grips hard. He yanks him, forcing his back to arch, and fucks into him harder.

You can clearly see what's happening now, but even if you couldn't, the loud moan Light lets out would have clued you in. He whimpers, still moving inside you a bit, but the movement of his body is more controlled by the force Naoya's using to pummel into him.

His eyes roll back and his jaw goes slack. He'd never felt anything like this.

"What'd I tell you? I understand," Naoya grunts, "You're never gonna be able to go back when you've had a taste of this."

Light shakes his head, though he feels so hazy, he's not sure if the motion is clear. As he becomes more used to the feeling, he starts to be able to move against you a little more. You reach a hand down and rub at your clit. Light didn't seem to be too concerned with getting you there, so you would ensure you made it yourself.

The extra stimulation on your clit makes you tighten up on Light's cock. He whines and bites his lip as Naoya continues fucking him mercilessly.

"You gonna cum? Fill her up while I fill you," he grunts behind him.

Light nods, body growing shakier as his orgasm comes closer.

Only a few more desperate swirls on your bundle of nerves, and you reach your peak. You spasm around Light, writhing on the couch beneath him. He can't take it, the feeling of Naoya battering a sweet spot inside he didn't even know he had combined with your walls trying to milk him dry.

With a whimper, his cock starts to spurt inside you. It kicks with each rope of cum, his hips twitching in between the two bodies on either side of him. His head falls back to rest against Naoya's sweaty shoulder. The other man's breaths feel cool on his own slick skin.

Naoya can tell he's cumming from how his body moves and takes it as an invitation to pump his own load deep inside of Light. He thrusts all the way in and lets loose, moaning as his release floods the other man. He fucks it in a few times, noting every little twitch or sound Light makes.

When all is said and done, the room is quiet. The only sounds are the harsh breaths leaving each of your lungs, and the tail end of the storm raging outside.

Naoya's the first to pull out, easing his cock from Light's hole. He watches a bit of cum leak out afterward and grins at the sight.

Light goes next, slipping out of you and crumpling down onto the sofa.

You stay where you are for the moment, just taking in what happened.

The silence feels awkward for you and tense for Light but satisfying for Naoya.

You need some time. You can't think while they're both sitting right there. Standing up, you stretch your limbs a little. You intend to just leave, but then your eyes catch on the black eye pencil from earlier.

Your eyes narrow at Light when you snatch it from the couch.

"You and your boyfriend better buy me new eye liner," you pout before turning on your heel and making your way to the bedroom.

[accio-bagel]

✨MC Intro Post✨

I finally filled these out for my lil criminal 💚

Explanations & more info (ramblings) below the cut for anyone interested.

✨Family

Does not talk about it. Will either be evasive about her history or outright lie about it if asked. An only child born to parents who didn’t want her, and when it became apparent she had no magic they they cast her out as a Squib. Hadn’t spoken or seen them since, and has no idea whether they're alive or not. Never fitting into the wizarding world or muggle society, she always dreamed of a better life for herself - the life she was supposed to live at Hogwarts.

Struggling to take care of herself after being abandoned by her family, she resorted to petty crime to survive, then more often upon discovering she was rather good at it. At age 15, her first accidental magic outburst involved a chase with authorities after pressing her luck one too many times, resulting in Fig finding her on the streets of London, panicking after she'd suddenly turned a policeman into a chicken. Professor Dad Fig took her in during the summer before term began at Hogwarts.

✨Patronus

Some associations with crows: gregarious, intelligent, creative problem-solvers, mysterious, deceptive, mischievous, manipulative, intuitive, and adaptable. Symbolic of community and loyalty, change and transformation, magic and the supernatural. Conflicting interpretations as harbingers of death or omens of fate, destiny, and good luck. They never forget a face, and will reward those who help them or may punish those who harm them. I also couldn't resist the connection between crows' habit of stealing and collecting shiny objects, and of course a flock of crows is called a Murder. 

✨Classes

She loves learning magic now that she's got the opportunity. Strives to do well at Hogwarts and wants to impress her professors and peers. Open-minded about magic of all kinds.

Charms is her absolute favorite, the most useful and enjoyable form of magic for her. Defense follows closely, as she's got an innate gift for dueling and developed a bit of an ego about it - especially enjoys teasing Sebastian about kicking his ass. Ever pragmatic, she also knows how important the subject is and wants to add to her repertoire of spells.

It's not her strongest subject naturally, but she loves Potions. She can follow a recipe well and works hard at it. While she finds Garreth's experiments interesting and doesn't mind stealing for him, for her own self-preservation she doesn't ever sit at his station, nor will she risk Sharp's wrath again by stealing from his office. Everyone knows she is Sharp's favorite student by the year's end, though he denies it.

History isn't uninteresting to her - it’s just Professor Binns is too boring for her to stay awake through class.

✨Personality

😉 Charismatic and persuasive, comes across as highly confident (faking it til she makes it.) She isn't shy about walking up to talk to someone she finds interesting, loves spending time with a small group of friends, and prefers a partner in crime on her adventures. That said, she is quite independent and needs plenty of alone time to think and recharge.

🧠 She prefers efficient, not lazy. She's highly active with her chosen activities and will take the lead naturally, but it has to be worth her while for her to put in the effort. She'll also take nearly any advantage given to her, especially in high-stakes situations.

💁🏻‍♀️ She wishes she were stylish and tidy, but it doesn’t come naturally and she hasn’t got the time (would rather get the extra 10 minutes of sleep in the mornings.) She starts the day looking relatively put-together, but you'll usually see her looking disheveled from running around, waistcoat askew, hair coming loose, boots dirty, possibly a bit banged up from her adventuring. Leaves half-drunk cups of coffee lying around the RoR and laundry on her dormitory floor. Handwriting is atrocious, she uses an enchanted quill to make her essays legible.

😾 Not that grouchy but can't say she's very nice, either. She isn't taking on extra tasks just out of the kindness of her heart - she needs to get paid or receive something else in exchange. Snarky and sarcastic, somewhat selfish, mocks/teases/messes with people (told Zenobia she’d keep her gobstones, then said jk lol, and gave them back.) Anger issues rage blackouts when pushed to her limit. She's got soft spots though - especially for animals/beasts, orphans, and freckles. Will do anything for her closest friends even if she gives them a hard time.

🤔 Generally weighs the risks of what she's getting herself into before acting. Stealthy and strategic, usually likes to silently petrify a few enemies to even the odds before taking on a group. She's prioritizing protecting herself and her friends rather than foolishly charging into unnecessary danger, balancing out her more reckless companions. Again, if one of her loved ones is in danger she won’t hesitate to dive in and help them.

😏 Mischievous, jokes a lot, a bit silly. Likes breaking rules. She's made many a daring escape with a smile on her face, will turn to her mates and laugh together once they've made it out alive. Taunts and goads her opponents in duels to throw them off. While very capable of deep thoughts and feelings, she covers hurt with humor and doesn’t often let it show.

🏃🏻‍♀️Athletic. Fast runner and climber, she regularly outpaces Sebastian “out-of-breath” Sallow on their outings. An evasive and agile fighter, swiftly dodging all over the place before striking. Quick on a broom, joins the Quidditch team in sixth year as Keeper (and acknowledges the irony here.) Has her clumsy moments when she's not paying attention or had too many Butterbeers, accidentally breaking a vase at the bottom of the stairs in the Slytherin common room on more than one occasion.

✨ Extras

Amortentia scents: autumn rain, freshly baked bread, and smoke

Her scent: green apple and lilac

Bisexual who flirts with everyone, to the point that it's hard to tell when she actually means it. No time to properly court anyone during fifth year but she has many fleeting fancies and won't readily admit to real feelings. All of this inevitably leads to confusion on all sides.

Goes insane for the food at Hogwarts after years of barely scraping by, eating stolen food and scraps. Always snacking to keep her energy up with how much running around she does. If she misses a meal, something is very wrong. 

Funny (at least she thinks so) and uses humor as a coping mechanism.

Loves cats. Pets all the cats.

Loves puns and will give a genuine laugh at a particularly good one.

Constantly running late, much to the chagrin of all her friends.

Drinks like a fish and smokes an occasional cigarette. Swears like a sailor.

Likes to dance but isn't very good at it.

As Sharp says, Wiggenweld doesn't fix everything, so I imagine her gaining quite a few permanent scars over the course of her fifth year. Significant mentions are a cut brow courtesy of Rookwood and some burns on her body from Solomon.

After her hair was partially singed during the battle with Ranrok, she cut it short for a drastic change.

Girl is not doing very well after everything she went through, especially losing Fig. Not sleeping, not eating enough, and prone to thousand-yard stares. She will need time to heal, plus a lot of help from her new chosen family.

✨Future

Ellie is very ambitious and she knows her strengths. She wants to live up to the reputation she's built for herself as a powerful witch, and wants to be known for more than what she went through in her fifth year. Taking time to make a name for herself as a Curse Breaker, she'll spend several years in the field before coming back to Hogwarts as Charms Professor when Ronen retires.

💚 If you have read any of this, I love and appreciate you so much! I have more to say about her but this was already too long so maybe I’ll do a part 2 or something.

✨Presets

5th Year:

6th Year changes:

[colorsunimaginable]

the spare // chapter sixty-eight // death eater ! tom hiddleston oc x plus size ofc - voldemort wins au

story summary: 

While on a mission to avenge the death of her best friend, Ilvermorny graduate Melisa Alder finds herself in the middle of the fight to defeat Voldemort. Upon capture after the Dark Lord's triumph, she's being sold at an auction with other muggle borns and blood traitors. Her only hope is also her only bidder - the tall, dark, and handsome Thomus Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy's younger half-brother. Is he just another Death Eater or is he hiding more than just his face beneath the mask? Will she realize her true potential to be one of the resistance's greatest weapons?

*a Voldemort Wins AU with Tom Hiddleston cast as an OC x a plus size protagonist* *takes place in The Auction universe by Lovesbitca8*

words for this fic: 6.7k warnings for this chapter: p in v, fingering, dirty talk

a million boops to my beta reader banners by @cafekitsune

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Chapter Sixty-Eight:

Cliveden’s gardens at night in the winter are beautiful. They’re vast and eerily empty, though that could just be the stillness of the night. Victorian lamp posts light the way and with the gently falling snow, kinda gives me Narnia vibes.

 I wander around, careful to stick to the crunchy gravel paths and keep the main house in sight. This isn’t the first time I’ve had such an opportunity for escape. Yeah, I could Apparate anywhere, but why? Now that a plan will be in place, what’s the point? It’s exactly what I wanted. 

Movement draws my eye and I catch Diana’s head above the shrubbery, heading in my direction. I’m not ready to go inside yet, so I sit on a nearby bench and wait for her to join me.

“Did they send you to make sure I was still here?” I ask, mostly teasing.

“Kyle did,” she admits as she sits next to me. She’s all bundled up in a stylish thick wool coat while I’m just fine in my Ilvermorny sweater and Thomus’ scarf. “But that’s alright, I’d much rather talk to you.”

Instantly my guard's up. “About what?”

She hesitates for a moment, but I give her my best encouraging expression, despite my raging nerves. 

“Well, I wanted to ask how you feel about Thomus.”

I blink, my eyebrows shooting up. “Oh, um, well, I -”

“It’s just that Jake seems to think you genuinely care about him because of how adamant you are about his safety,” she says. “Now that I’ve met you and I’ve seen you two together, I think he’s right, but I wonder if it’s more than that.”

I think about my answer for a few moments, but respond with a question instead. “Is this because you two used to date?”

She immediately shakes her head and chuckles. “Definitely not. It didn’t last longer than a month or two and it was a long time ago.”

“Did-did he break up with you?” I ask with some hesitation.

“I dumped him actually,” she says. “He just… When we hung out or went on dates, his mind always seemed like it was elsewhere.  The only time he seemed fully present and invested was when we…” she trails off. 

“When what?” I prompt.

She gives me a sheepish expression. “Sorry, it might be a bit TMI.”

I shrug and shake my head. “Don’t worry. There’s no such thing as TMI for me. I need everything.” Even if that information guts me. I’d always rather know.

“When we were sleeping together,” she says all in one breath.

I don’t say anything, waiting to hear more. “Oh, is that it?”

Her eyebrows tilt up in sympathy. “I suppose if I were in your situation I wouldn’t want to hear about it.”

“Yeah,” I say, looking down. “I can see that. Do you know what he was so focused on?”

“Well, I know his mother had passed away a few months before and then there was… her .”

“Bellatrix,” I sigh knowingly.

“He visited her every couple weeks - no matter what. I didn’t even know he was still going after we started dating. When I confronted him, he insisted there was nothing physical going on between them, but I… had my doubts. He told me he stopped going after that, but I know he went back after it ended,” she explains. “Does he still see her often?”

“I… have no idea honestly.”

“Have you not asked?”

I shake my head. “Why would I?”

“Because you two are…” she sighs. “It’s complicated, I know.”

“There’s a massive power imbalance between us and I’m not going to let myself forget that, regardless of how I feel.”

“What about how he feels?” she asks gently.

“If anything he feels is real, then why am I still his prisoner?” I answer a little too quickly. “He doesn’t see me as his equal. I don’t want to belong to him like I’m some kind of possession. I want a partner willing to rely on me as I want to rely on them in return. How can anyone be devoted to an object?” I finish by inhaling sharply, having taken short breaths during my lament. 

Her lips press together as she regards me with a cautious look. “The world has really changed since Harry Potter died,” she says. “No one is doing well - especially muggleborns. No one has been able to fly under the radar since they started implementing some kind of forced registry.” She pauses and then chuckles. “And you would not be able to go unnoticed.”

I sigh. “It’s the hair isn’t it?”

“Actually, no,” she says. “You’d be surprised how popular some of these articles about you have been.”

Now this, I’m taken aback. "Articles? As in more than one?"

"I'm afraid so. The best one is from the New York Ghost , but Witch Weekly's was pretty nice. Does someone have it out for you at The Daily Prophet , by any chance?"

"Probably Rita Skeeter," I grumble. I want to know what they've been saying about me. "Though I'm surprised I was interesting enough for one article, let alone multiple."

"I disagree," she says. "I think what you're doing is very brave. You haven't given up despite all these odds stacked against you. Honestly, I was really excited to meet you when I heard you were coming."

I blush, laughing awkwardly. "I, um, I'm sorry, I definitely had no idea you existed until tonight. Thank you for inviting me to that thing on New Years Eve, even though I can't go. It reminded me of what being normal was like."

"No problem!" she smiles. "I would've been glad to have you. You’re super cool and totally normal.” She winks at me and quietly laughs to herself. “But seriously, you should consider thinking that he might just want to keep you safe, where he can protect you.”

“But I can protect myself ,” I gently protest. “It’s because I’ve been under his ‘care’ that I’ve been vulnerable! He has to realize that.”

Her eyes soften with sympathy. “I think he does, because there was one weekend Jake told me about. He’d just met you and Thomus in Edinburgh and you’d been… assaulted while they’d all just been standing there, unknowing. He said he’d never seen Thomus be that violent before - violent without using magic that is.”

I stare at her eye-wided, enthralled with this story. This change in perspective. 

“And then the next night, there’d been this party Thomus got drunk at and Jake said he could tell something was really bothering him. Apparently, he was really reluctant to talk about it, too.”

I scoff. “I hope he got over himself and opened up so you can share this information with me now.”

“Yeah, so he finally said he blamed himself for being an idiot and not paying better attention. Like, it really hit him that your safety was in his hands.”

I… don’t know what I’m allowed to feel. My heart wants to swoon and my mind wants to roll its eyes. Except, if he’s not as terrible as I thought, am I allowed to hope? 

“I think I remember when he came home,” I admit. “We continued drinking and he asked me how I felt - which was very new for us at the time.”

Diana smiles ruefully. “Does he get points for trying, at least?”

“We’ll see,” I say. “I’m definitely nervous that it could all just be a… fling to him.”

Diana startles me by releasing a loud cackle.

“A fling?!” she bellows, struggling to catch her breath. “Oh honey, you’re delusional.”

“What? No!” I protest. “I’m being realistic.”

“Oh Lady Morgana,” she says, wiping tears from her eyes and standing. “Come on, let’s go inside before my fingers fall off.”

~*~

By the early hours of the morning, I’m utterly exhausted. 

Kyle had changed his mind and decided to tell me his roughly outlined plan. It’s not terrible, but luckily the rough bits still have time to be hammered out. I should have plenty of notice before I have to leave, plenty of time for contingencies.

Thomus is out like a light, still snoring softly, when I return. I try to be as quiet as possible as I strip down to my undies and crawl into the massive four-poster bed with him. 

It must not be massive enough, though, because just me softly rolling into position beneath the covers is enough to rouse a few sleepy words from him.

“Darling?” he rasps and I feel his hands reach for me in the dark.

“Hi,” I whisper. “Sorry I woke you.”

He hums and pulls himself closer, resting his head on my chest. “How did we get back to the cottage?” he says sleepily, curling himself against me.

“We didn’t,” I say, running a hand through his hair and the other over his shoulders. “We’re still at Cliveden.”

“Hm, I don’t remember getting here.”

His tone isn’t setting off any alarm bells. It’s low and gravelly, like he’s not entirely awake yet.  He’s just mindlessly chatting and I just have to be casual.

“Well, you were very drunk,” I say. “You passed out playing Exploding Snap. Jake had to levitate you up here.”

His arm around my waist tightens, pulling me tighter against him. “You didn’t leave.”

I don’t say anything, panic instantly spiking my heart rate, and I hope he’s not awake enough to pay attention.

“You could have, but you didn’t,” he continues. “Not that I’d blame you if you did.”

I stay silent, trying to convince myself that his calm demeanor is because whatever he’s talking about, couldn’t be about the drama of the night. There's no way he was awake enough to hear what we said. 

“No,” I murmur. “I didn’t.”

“What room did he put us in?” he murmurs.

I let out a sudden strained laugh. “You’d never guess.”

~*~

On New Year’s Eve, Thomus leaves again. He says it’s to finish last minute tasks for the Gala and whatnot and I feel… depressed… again. I’m mostly uninterested in eating - I ate a bologna and cheese sandwich for dinner. I’m not in the mood to read, listen to music or watch any movies, but I’ve had The Nanny on all day - just to make the house less quiet.

So I just go to bed at the blessed hour of 8pm. 

I’ve barely been in bed for longer than fifteen minutes when the easily recognizable sound of the Floo roaring to life drifts up the stairs. I’ve sat up by the time Thomus finds me.

“In bed already?” he asks, surprised. “On New Year's Eve?”

I shrug, holding the blanket up to my naked chest. “It’s not the easiest holiday to spend by yourself.”

Thomus sits on the edge of the bed, swiftly leaning in to kiss my cheek. “And I don’t intend for you to, I agree completely.” He jumps up, taking long strides through the bathroom to my room, where I hear him opening the wardrobe. I sigh, scooting to the edge to throw my legs over it. It’s just my luck I was already in bed.

“A little warning might have been nice,” I say when he returns, arm cradling a black hoodie and black leggings. 

He takes one look at me and the next moment he’s tossing my clothes on the bed and crowding into my space. His large hands cradle my head as he braces me for his lips on mine. He leans in and I have to prop my arms behind me so we don’t fall backward. Of course this causes the blanket to fall and his hand swoops down to cup and grope my chest, the attention causing my nipples to harden. 

His kisses take my breath away and my thighs are quick to part for him. His hips slide right into the space provided, grinding his hard-on against me. My kisses slacken because all of my attention goes right to my throbbing clit and I desperately whimper.  

His hips rock against me one more time before he pulls away, both of us breathless. His eyes trail down my body as he speaks. “We don’t have much time,” he says. “I will have to savor you later.”

When he steps completely away from me, I’m left cold, so I quickly slide on the oversized hoodie as he adjusts himself in his pants.

“Savor me?” I ask when I stand, stepping into the pants one leg at a time.

He chuckles, watching me wiggle the waistband up over my hips and stomach. “I thought it was a bit more romantic than fuck.”

Ping . There goes the tiniest fracture in my heart for him. I scramble for something clever or funny to say. 

“I suppose it could’ve been worse,” I say, popping in a British accent for the last word. “You could’ve said shag .”

“Cute,” he smirks.

I follow him downstairs, sliding on my socks before I stop at the door for my sneakers and turn for the fireplace.

He clicks his tongue. “Not that way.”

I narrow my eyes and follow him out the door. He takes me to the spot beyond the fence and touches the tattoo before Apparating us to the Manor. The front gates are open and he swiftly takes hold of my tattoo again to get me over the barrier. 

We walk down the entrance path, under gilded arches and golden fairy lights crossing overhead from the tall hedges. Holding my hand, he pulls me around the building along the back toward a door being held open by an elf.

“Miss,” Remmy says to me in a disinterested greeting and drops his voice to a whisper. “Master Thomus, Mistress expects you in fifteen minutes. Master isn’t even dressed -”

“Don’t worry, Remmy, I will be there,” Thomus reassures them as we pass. “Mums the word about Miss Alder, remember?”

“Yes, yes, Remmy remembers,” the elf dismisses. 

Thomus leads me to his room, making sure to use hallways noticeably absent of chatty portraits. A familiar route because of the many times I'd avoided them myself. The moment we’re in his room, he heads for the bathroom, already stripping. There’s a black robed suit hanging from a hook on the door. 

“Please tell me you're not gonna surprise me with a ball gown, are you?” I ask, hopping up onto the bed and toeing my shoes off. 

“I value my neck, thanks,” he remarks, pulling on first his suit pants, then the black button up shirt. “Would you grab me a pair of cufflinks from the closet?”

“Does it matter which one?” I ask, knowing he's got a variety. 

“No.”

By the time I emerge from the closet, elegant silver M stamped cufflinks in hand, he’s already dressed. He smiles at me as I pass him the tiny pieces of metal. 

“All you have to do is wait for a few hours,” he says, his mood curiously… cheerful? “Go back to sleep if you'd like - just don't leave this room. Only Remmy knows you're here.” 

“Why all the fuss?” I ask, my eyes greedily taking his suited form in. I suppress the desire to pull him close by his silk tie for a kiss. He looks too suave and sophisticated and… way out of my league.

“For the simple reason that I don’t want certain guests to know you’re here,” he explains, stepping into the bathroom once again. I hear him spritz a bottle of something.

“And why is that again?” 

He glides out of the bathroom, passing me by with a quick peck to my cheek. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

I completely ignore the fact he didn’t answer my question, because I’m way too distracted by his suddenly fragrant cologne. I breathe in lung-fulls of cedar and pine, trying not to swoon in his wake as he pulls out his wand to light the fireplace. 

Then he’s gone, the door audibly locking behind him.

~*~

Well, I definitely try to sleep. Except I wasn’t even tired when I climbed into bed the first time.

First I change into a purple wispy nightgown with a deep vee in the neck that stops at my thighs. Then I change out of it when the frills around the short sleeves become too itchy under the covers, opting instead for a simpler one with long sleeves and a hem that falls around my ankles. 

All this, just to be uncomfortable in every position I try. Nevermind the fact my mind keeps doing laps of worrying, wondering who exactly Thomus doesn’t want to know I’m here. Rodolphus? Bellatrix? Is he dancing and flirting with her while her husband tracks me down this very moment? 

Finally I give up and decide to grab a handful of Thomus’ old Daily Prophets and settle on the cushioned bench in the alcove of one of his windows. I sit sideways on it, my back against the wall with the door in my line of sight. 

I’m about to cast a subtle illumination spell to help my poor eyesight in this dim lighting when movement out the window catches my eye. It’s the curtains billowing out of the open doors to the ball room - or the large drawing room as Narcissa calls it. Golden light spills from windows and the doorway  as the guests' shadows and silhouettes move within. Some are moving swiftly as if dancing while some are mingling. Before I can think better of it, I’m pushing open the French window closest to me.

I hear boisterous laughter and the low hum of chatter, and best of all, music drifts up to me like a leaf in the breeze. It’s the exact kind of music I’d imagine would play at a ball like this, and I can’t help but picture myself down there, in some pretty dress twirling around the room with Thomus.

I sit there, content to listen to the string quartet and people watch. Some come outside for the cool air, others to have a private word alone with each other. 

Hermione is relatively easy to spot. Her black gown is ridiculously puffy around the skirt, but synched skin-tight in the bodice, and even from here I can see the jewels glittering on her chest. I’m surprised to see Draco by her side, dressed head to toe in white. They linger by the door, always surrounded by ladies vying for his attention. I can’t help but notice how his hand slowly caresses her back, almost… lovingly from her waist up to her shoulders and nape when he thinks no one is watching.

Thankfully, I don’t see Bellatrix, but I also don’t see Thomus, either. An inconsequential fact I try not to linger on.

I don’t know how long I sit like that, but eventually Thomus returns, quietly stepping into the room with two empty champagne glasses and a bottle.

“I kinda feel like Cinderella wanting to go to the ball,” I say softly as he approaches. He looks politely puzzled and before he can ask, I explain, “It’s just a No-Maj fairytale.”

“Ah,” he hums. He takes hold of the forgotten newspapers on the other side of the bench and raises an eyebrow.

I feel a blush creep up my throat and try to keep my tone nonchalant. “I… maybe like to read your articles,” I say. “It’s crazy to think we both spent time at The Daily Prophet , but at different times so we never ran into each other.”

I feel like I’m rambling, but how could I not? He looks and smells far too dashing for me to think clearly. 

“It is a bit ironic,” he says, replacing his papers where I’d gotten them from before returning. He takes up the rest of the bench, his back to the window, and places the glasses and bottle on the floor next to him.

“Do you think things might’ve been different if we’d met there instead?” I ask hesitantly, knowing all too well his opinions on ‘what if’s. “Before?”

Thomus sighs heavily and the air puffs out his cheeks. He raises an eyebrow and gives me a sideways look. “Honestly?”

I nod. “Yeah, always.”

“Hm, I think…” his mouth downturns as he speaks, his voice betraying his amusement. “I’d find you the most annoying person on the planet.”

A disbelieving laugh bursts out. “What?!”

He nods, completely solemn. “Oh yeah, always asking questions, always bothering me.”

“Oh no, I’d have to talk to you about our job ,” I say with dramatic sarcasm, trying and failing to keep the smile off my face. “Oh no, what a nightmare.”

Thomus grabs my ankle, lifting my foot so he can shift closer, until my calf rests on his opposite thigh. That hand slides from my ankle all the way up my leg, and I’m disappointed it’s not under my nightgown. “It would have been an absolute nightmare to have you prance into my office every bloody day,” he continues as his fingers meet the crease at my hip and wedge themselves in. Then they keep traveling and grip all the plentiful flesh there. “I’d never be able to get any work done because I’d constantly be thinking about bending you over my desk.”

My eyes run laps over the sharp lines of his face, trying to determine if he’s serious. “Is that so?”

Thomus’ eyes drop to my mouth, his free hand brings his thumb to brush my lower lip. “These would be the worst. With every meddlesome question you ask, I’d only be able to think about how they’d taste.”

I’m holding my breath - my heart thudding, my ears burning. I’m suddenly very unnecessarily conscious of how far my glasses have slipped down my nose, the cool breeze from the window across my chest, and how heavy I’m breathing over his thumb. And for some reason his accent is doing funny things to my insides right now, of all times. 

His voice is low, husky, and oh, so hot. “I’d be thinking about how you’d sound when I touched you. And yes, I say when . I could only endure such torture for so long before I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.”

I snort, a disbelieving smile breaking out under his thumb. “You make me sound like some kind of irresistible vixen.” A chuckle rumbles out of his chest, but I keep going. “Well, I have good news for you - I wouldn’t object to any of that.”

“Is that so?” His hand caresses from my jaw to my neck. 

I bite my lip to control my grin. “Well, yeah. Why do you think I’d be bothering you so much in the first place?”

Thomus lets out a breathy chuckle and sits back, his eyes crinkling in the corners. I can only stare, mesmerized by seeing genuine happiness on his face.

“So,” I say brightly. “Are you enjoying this party you put so much effort into preparing?”

His smile fades. “Not as much as I ought to, I suppose.”

“Oh, why not?” I ask, placing my hand over his one on my neck, feeling along the lines of his knuckles and fingers.

“The people down there…” he starts, eyes gazing out the window, “the only thing I’ve ever been to them is a source for gossip and scandal. And then the few who look past all that see the Malfoy name and nothing else.”

I let that process. “So what you’re saying is you’re a real catch?”

He bursts out laughing, the hand from my hip reaching up to scratch his chin. “Yeah, for those desperate to social climb.”

“So you’re a desperately eligible bachelor ?” I tease with a bit more drama to my tone. “How interesting. All the finest debutantes must be lining up down there, so what ever are you doing up here with me?”

“I’m a little old for debutantes.” He settles toward me into a more relaxing position, pulling his knee up and pressing his calf onto the bench under my thighs. With his face closer to mine now, his softly spoken words are loud and clear. “And besides, your company is vastly preferable over theirs.”

My face floods with heat and I crumble under his direct eye contact. My mouth suddenly feels as dry as the desert while I’m forced to figure out some kind of intelligent reply. “Quite shocking, really,” I say, my voice a whisper until I clear my throat, swallowing down some nerves. “Who wouldn’t want to hang out with the wizarding world’s most crankiest?”

He laughs again. “Are you talking about me or them?”

I’m about to answer, but a dull tapping sound coming from the party draws my attention. The guests are returning inside, tapping their wands against their champagne glasses. 

“Ten minutes to midnight,” Thomus explains. “Lucius and Narcissa are about to make their toast.”

I slip my other hand around the one he has at my neck, both of mine cradling it near my chest as I glance at the clock on his mantle. “I guess that means you have to go?”

“Probably,” he admits slowly. “But I’m here.”

“Hold on, speaking of being here, isn’t Draco supposed to be in Switzerland?” I jut in, my eyes easily finding him and Hermione on the edge of the crowd. 

“He is and Lucius is absolutely furious,” he sighs. “I can’t believe he’d be so foolish.”

“Well, it's obvious, right?” I ask, side-eying him, unsure if this is something I could even talk about. “He’s like, really into Hermione.”

A few moments tick by in silence as I stare at the crowd below. I glance at him to see his eyes had been on me the whole time, his expression pensive. When our eyes meet, he holds them for a moment before his gaze follows his hand as both of his gently hold mine instead. He pulls back my left sleeve, his fingers lightly tracing his name inked on my skin. Then he goes further, tracing the white puckered lines of the scar Bellatrix left me. 

“What’re you thinking about?” I whisper.

His lips curl ruefully. “I’m thinking about how much of a hypocrite I am. I’ve called him foolish when here I am,” he says. “Unable to stay away.”

“From what?” I breathe, feeling stupid the moment I finish. My heart is beating so hard I wonder if he can feel my pulse where he holds my arm.

Thomus’ eyes hold on my arm, avoidant of my own. His voice is soft like he's telling me a secret. “I snuck you in tonight because I couldn’t bear not spending it with you.”

My eyebrows come together and I feel my head shake. “It’s just another year.”

“No,” he says, his eyes flashing up to mine, adamant. “Moments like these are important, to spend with those who are important. That’s why they’re all gathered down there, isn’t it? To go into the New Year praising the Dark Lord’s reign, congratulating themselves for their accomplishments this year.” He looks back down at our hands, at his name. “I know I don’t have much to celebrate in that regard, but I do know that you’re��important to me… and frankly I'm tired of pretending otherwise.”

I can only stare at him. Unable to think, unable to breathe . How could he say something like that? 

When I finally have to draw breath after what feels like an eternity, I only get to say his name. “Thomus -”

The loud popping of fireworks bursts from below, along with some cheer that has me turning my gaze away only briefly. I turn back and Thomus’ mouth descends on mine. 

The kiss is full and wonderful, but short. He pulls back inches away to search into my gaze, like he’s asking for permission, like he’s making sure what he just said was okay. 

It was more than okay. It’s exactly what my heart wants to hear, even though my own stubborn insecurities push doubt into my mind. 

I can’t say anything back. I can’t tell him how I feel.

But I can show him.

Our lips meet again in a rush. At least it feels like that to me, like we just can’t bare being apart anymore. I pour my heart and soul into this kiss. My hands find their way into his hair, his caress and grip every part of my body he can reach. 

Soon I’m pushing him back so I can climb onto his lap. He’s pulled up my nightgown and the cool air feels amazing on my bare legs. I’ve got one foot on the floor and the other is bent at the knee, helping control my balance while I’m grinding on him. 

He keeps pulling me to him, my weight rocking into him, and I brace a hand on the wall in the bay window as he falls further back, keeping me upright. His hands slip under my nightgown, roaming my thighs. I adjust my hips, feeling brave enough to put both hands on his chest to steady me. His suit pants can’t hide how hard he is. I try to use that as a reminder he’s genuinely into me. No matter how many times I’m in his lap, it’s still hard to believe he wants me here. 

“How long till you have to go back?” I ask with controlled breaths. 

He growls. “Just fuck me, baby.” His fingers painfully dig into my hips as he pulls me down, undulating his hips against me. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

There are things I want to blurt out, simple little words swelling in my chest that threaten to ruin everything. 

But if I confess how I feel, it wouldn’t change anything. I’ll still be his prisoner. His possession.

I don’t wanna be an object. I long to be more .

My hands slide up his chest to meet at his neckline, shoving my fingers into the knot on his tie. I don’t bother pulling it all the way off before I go at his buttons, not stopping until his muscled chest and abdomen are revealed. My hips rock, rubbing my pussy over his cock straining to be let free. 

Then I jump up, standing to shimmy my undies to the floor. Thomus sits up and shrugs off his suit jacket, pulling off his tie completely. I pause, waiting to return to my seat, but then he looks at me, his eyes raking me up and down. 

“I want that off,” he says, referring to the only article of clothing I have left. 

I struggle not to make a face, because I still have a hard time being completely naked in front of him. If we were in bed, that would be different. This just feels too exposed.

I grip the material around my hips and step toward him. “Take it off for me?” I ask.

Lust-filled eyes lock on mine and his hands go to my thighs, sliding them up my sides, taking the gown with them. I raise my arms to help him pull it off the rest of the way and a blast of cool air from the window makes goosebumps rise all over me. It sends a shiver through my body and my nipples harden.

When my arms are free, I step even closer and cup his face, pressing my lips to his. I kiss him softly, from one corner of his mouth to the other. While I distract his mouth with sweet kisses, one hand takes off my glasses and the other goes to his belt.

Of course, I can only use one brain cell at a time, so my mouth becomes distracted when I struggle with undoing his belt. I just pull my mouth away all together so I can get a visual on my hands. I glance up at Thomus’ face to find his heated gaze focused on mine. 

“Sorry,” I mutter, looking down at the matter at hand. “Not very sexy, I know.”

“Oh, on the contrary,” he says and inhales sharply when my hands finally wrap around his swollen cock. My palms glide up and down gently before giving it a firm squeeze. My thumb circles his head, spreading a bead of pre-cum, and he leans forward, lips and tongue tracing a path from my neck to my breasts. One of his big hands cups my breast and when he immediately bites down on my nipple, I gasp and whimper. His tongue soothes away the pain, swirling around the stiff peak. 

His other hand slides down my thigh, fingers feeling the dimples and divots until they hook behind my knee. My hands go to his shoulders for balance as he lifts my foot until it’s on the bench. His fingers quickly glide back up my thigh, this time underneath it to where it’s most sensitive and softest. 

Thomus’ lips release my nipple and he pulls back enough to see my face. “I think you’re very sexy,” he murmurs. “From this pretty little pussy of yours” - his fingers glide through my folds, teasingly spreading the slipperiness from the center to my clit - “to those lips I just can’t seem to get enough of.”

His thumb presses in on my clit and my train of thought struggles to stay on track. “You’re pretty hot too,” I say breathily. “You’ve got these shoulders and thighs and hands that just -” My words are cut off by a moan when he slips two fingers inside me.

“That just what?” he teases, unmistakably smug. 

It takes me a moment to answer because his thumb in combination with his fingers curling against my g-spot have my hips rocking and my brain turning to mush. My breaths come in short pants and my eyes are pinched closed, focused on riding the pleasurable waves his fingers are orchestrating. 

“Concentrate, darling,” he presses. “Answer me.”

“Hands,” I gasp, my fingers digging into his shoulders, “hands that do terrible… awful things to me.”

His fingers turn aggressive, pressing harder and rhythmic as he hums in approval. “That’s a good girl.”

His lips return to my nipple and that pushes me past the point of no return. A stream of curses and Thomus’ name tumble from my mouth. My toes curl and my body goes stiff as my orgasm washes over me. Thomus slows his long fingers, but still presses in hard on my g-spot as my pussy pulses around him.

When I can finally breathe again, I push at Thomus’ shoulders and he leans back, bringing his drenched digits up to his mouth. He groans at my taste and resituates himself on the bench, pushing his pants and briefs past his thighs. I’m still dazed from my orgasm when Thomus pulls me on top of him. He holds his cock at the base and guides me until he’s sliding home, deep inside my pussy. 

“Oh fuck,” I moan, my eyes closing. This position never fails to put him as deep inside as possible, and if I really sit on his lap, he’s hitting my cervix. But that would be painful, so instead I move my hips around slowly, figuring out what angle works best and won’t kill my thighs. One particular move makes him groan and my eyes flutter open to find his locked intently on me, watching my body move. I definitely found the right one.

I start to go a little faster, a little harder. I have a hand on a window pane and the other grasping his shoulder to stabilize me. My thighs are burning, but the pain isn’t enough to make me stop. He’s inside me, and I love being connected like this. What I feel for him never feels more real than it does in moments like this. When I can’t be in denial.

With the increasing intensity of my hips, little whimpers start to tumble from my mouth alongside my panting. My bottom lip is nailed between my teeth and as I can feel my orgasm hurtling towards me, fuck is the only word coming out of my mouth. 

Whenever he feels they could use more attention, his hands never fail to stray to my breasts. Supporting them as they bounce and sway, leaning forward to kiss and nibble at my nipples. 

“So fucking beautiful,” I hear him grind out above the steady and erotic sound of our bodies joining. 

My orgasm is close - so, so close. I’m starting to go crazed, desperate to cum again. Thomus is, too. I can hear it in his voice as he groans.

“Baby, I need you to cum on me.” His voice is strained like he’s in utter agony. 

I let out a frustrated whimper as I pause to grind on his lap, hoping for an angle that hits my clit. 

“I need - can you - ?” I gasp out. 

I don’t even have to finish my sentence before his fingers wiggle in under my belly. My pussy’s so slippery, the pads of his fingers find the hood of my clit and press in, rubbing it in circles. My hips jerk, bouncing up and down on his cock, continuing even as my orgasm finally crashes over my body. I throw my head back as my back arches. His body stiffens below me as he cums, groaning out his pleasure.

“Beautiful darling, well done,” he pants with praise after we both have a chance to breathe, his voice shaking. “I lov-”

Thomus is abruptly cut off by loud banging on his door.

We both jump like we’ve been hit. There’s a moment where our eyes meet and I see panic cross his face just as it does on mine. 

“Thomus!” a familiar man’s voice calls from beyond the door. 

Thomus blinks, his expression hardening. He brings a finger up to his lips, warning me to be quiet. “Closet,” he whispers. “Go. Now.”

Nodding, my legs are like jelly as I push myself off of him. He’s hastily throwing on his suit as I bend to scoop up my nightgown and undies. I dash for the closet. It’s dark enough I can just hide behind the open door. Instead of the nightgown though, I opt for my pants and hoodie. Plus a pair of Thomus’ socks while I’m at it because mine are lost in the sheets somewhere.

While I’m desperately dressing, the man at the door calls for Thomus again. “Where have you been, Thomus? I’ve been sent to fetch your ungrateful ass.”

I squeeze behind the closet door to peek through the crack between the hinges just as Thomus strides to the door. He’s fully dressed and smoothing back his hair with his fingers. He pauses to take a deep breath before opening the door. 

It’s Rodolphus. 

“What do you want,” Thomus demands, sounding amazingly composed.

Rodolphus leans a hand on the doorframe. “You missed your brother’s toast,” he says, a mocking lilt to his tone. His hair is disheveled, the tie to his tux hangs loose around his neck. “How could you have missed this moment to show support for the Dark Lord?��Your family? ”

“I don’t answer to you,” Thomus says. He keeps his back straight and his chin up.

Rodolphus puts a finger to his chin, tapping it. “And then I remembered a few other times you’ve mysteriously disappeared from similar events,” Rodolphus continues before abruptly shoving past Thomus into the room. Thomus tries grabbing his coat tails, but he somehow avoids him.

Rodolphus stops in the middle of the room, eyeing it while slowly turning back to Thomus. He inhales heavily through his nose and steps back towards the window with the bench. “A moment ago, I was convinced you were up here fucking my wife,” he says casually. He reaches for something on it and my anxiety explodes in my chest the moment I see him pick up my glasses. “Of course, I was only half-right. This room reeks of sex, but my wife has never hid.”

Rodolphus drops my glasses and stomps on them with his shoe, crushing my lenses under his sole. The glass crunches as he turns, backing up towards the closet. Thomus watches him with furious eyes. His hands are empty, but I know in the blink of an eye he’d have his wand.

“I’m surprised you can still get it up for her since her… accident ,” Rodolphus taunts. “She’s utterly repulsing if you ask me.”

“I didn’t,” Thomus bites.

He’s so close to the closet. My fingers feel for anything on the shelf behind me and immediately feel the unmistakable smooth metal of Thomus’ shoehorn, the very one I tried to pummel him with. 

Maybe New Year’s Eve kisses are good luck.

I raise it over my head as he steps to the doorway.

“Your silence is very telling,” Rodolphus chuckles as he slowly steps into the closet. I hear his footsteps on the wood floor as he disappears on the other side of the door.

I’ve shoved my anxiety down enough so I don’t panic as he reappears, wand scanning the room.

Just as he turns to me, I transfigure the shoehorn into a dagger, and hold it up to his throat.

[player1064]

wag becks excerpt please?

I must say credit to @p-evvy for originally putting the thought of WAG!becks in my mind.... but YES so this is the fic I'm most actively working on rn simply because it's the one I started most recently (though it's been a couple of weeks now... I'm SLOW lately)

---

“Why didn’t you come over and say hi?”

They’ve gone outside so that they can talk without having to shout, and the two of them are stood leaning against the wall a little ways away from the smoking area.

Becks shrugs, stares at the ground rather than looking at him. “Wasn’t sure you’d remember me. Didn’t wanna be one of them annoying fans, bet you’re sick to death of them always bugging you.”

“Nah.” Gary huffs a laugh. “It’s part of the job, in’t it? And I love every part of the job.”

It’s a stock answer, the kind of thing he’d roll out for magazine interviews or girls he’s trying to let down easy. Becks deserves better than that. “Can’t say it wasn’t a relief to see a familiar face, though.”

“Familiar face,” Becks scoffs. He smirks. “You and I both know you were checkin’ out my arse before you realised it was me.”

He doesn’t sound like he’s trying to be cruel or malicious. And it’s Becks. Gary may not have seen him in nearly a decade but he’d like to think he’s still fundamentally the same person. And if the Becks he’d known as a kid was saying something like that to him, it’d almost definitely just be a bit of harmless teasing.

Gary decides to trust his gut and smirk back, sticks his hands in his pockets all casual-like.  “That’s quite the accusation you’re making ‘bout England captain there, Becks.”

“David.”

“Wha’?”

“It’s David. Nobody’s called me Becks in – I dunno how long, really.”

Gary does the mental maths. He’s twenty-eight now (and Christ is he feeling every year of that), so if you count backwards it must be – “Must be eight or nine years now, right?”

Becks – David – gives him a tight smile. “Yeah. Somethin’ like that.”

There’s a breeze, and David shivers slightly. Stupid, really, wearing such thin clothes in the middle of winter. Gary’s in his United blazer – the whole team had gone out wearing them, though by this point in the evening most have ditched theirs for something more stylish. And he feels – it’s not that David is a girl, of course not, but – it would be the polite thing to do, wouldn’t it?

He shrugs the blazer off and holds it out in offering, all casual-like. David eyes it for a moment like he’s weighing up his options, but then another gust of wind hits and he takes it quickly, hangs it over his shoulders. He doesn’t put his arms through the sleeves, just leaves them crossed and held tight to his torso.

Fuck.

Maybe Gary should’ve thought this through a bit more carefully.

He gulps.

“So how’ve you been, anyway?” he asks. “I didn’t realise you were back in Manchester.”

“I’m not,” David says quickly. “Had to come up for work, thought I could – I dunno, check out some of the old haunts while I’m up here. Hadn’t realised how much I’ve missed it, ha.”

[newluvrs]

get 2 know me! bb note: just for fun, interview style :] (I also included one of my favorite scenes from one of my fav movies for the header pic.. hurts so good)

basics!

my name is bb (not actually but my real name shall remain a mystery... im so mysterious....), I reside in the u. s., and I am turning 23 next month! I'm in my final year of college and I'm completing a double degree, one is business & the other is design & production :p

kpop!

my journey w/ Kpop is a silly one bc I have been into it for abt 8 ish years now? it was whenever fire by bts had just dropped lol ..

main groups I listen to areeee: NCT (been a czennie for ages <3.. I remember when we didn't have a name yet) & loona! (ofc riize, txt, p1h) I listen to so so many others but these r like the only ones I make an active effort to keep up with.. I've been cultivating my playlist for years so if I were to write everyone I listened to we would b here a lifetime, but I listen to most groups especially in the 2nd-3rd gen range, 4th and 5th gen I still do it's just less likely I'll know a group, I also tend to heavily listen to gg music more often than bg

groups I've seen live: NCT Dream & Loona! I am also seeing Dream and ARTMS live again later this year aaaaaaaa :v

biases: mr. Jonathan Suh has been my ult for literal YEARSSSSSS you cannot pry me off this man I remember waiting 4 his debut... crazy, Sungchan (of course), Soobin (txt), Jiung (p1h), I also biased chuu for soooo long! that is My Girl

music! (non-kpop)

genuinely I listen to so much, I think kpop makes up like 10%?.. and there is absolutely no correlation between genres like at all 😭😭 artists I frequent these days r: mitski, fka twigs, dpr (all of them but mostly Live), daft punk, yeule, the marias, deftones, smashing pumpkins, lamp, pixies, the cure, Japanese breakfast, Magdalena bay, ichiko aoba, etc....

I grew up w/ extremely music loving parents so I have just acquired alot and I'm always adding 2 my collection.. when I was like 7 circa 2008 I had this little mp3 player and I remember my dad putting artists like deftones, my chemical romance, the cure, anthony green, smashing pumpkins, Paramore, etc. onto it and it was my favorite thing ever.. of course he put some Miley Cyrus on it too lol

hobbies + interests!

anything w/ art! I draw, sing, dance, write, play music, sew, etc.! I also really love cinema!! I enjoy fashion & making my own clothes.. my gma taught me to sew so it is near & dear 2 my heart. I play Nintendo! Ocarina of Time is my favorite game ever. I'm not much of a gamer but I have played really random ones like the entirety of silent hill as well as death stranding! Pls talk abt movies w/ me bc I am always down 🧎🏻‍♀️ I also tattoo occasionally, I have given myself a few..

favorites!

shows: derry girls, bob's burgers, fleabag movies: pan's labyrinth, fantastic mr. fox, scream songs: lovers rock - tv girl, I will - mitski, don't be so hard on your own beauty - yeule gg songs: stylish - loona, lp - red velvet, night rather than day - exid bg songs: life is still going on - nct dream, bills - enhypen, 0x1=lovesong - txt

[binenbaumaj]

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[dastardlydandelion]

my thoughts on fear street 1666 now that i finished scrubbing all the toilets, got to go home and watch it

holy shit. that movie. wow. 

it wasn’t as fun as the other two. didn’t employ the same campy tropes. didn’t present itself in a flourish of period typical style. while i enjoyed the first two films paying homage to classic horror tropes and making the most of the stylish side of their respective environments, i am v grateful and relieved that 1666 *wasn’t* as fun as the other two and actually presented the horror of puritan fanaticism and witch accusations more srsly. imo it portrayed that grave, twisting dread that the subject matter calls for. i appreciate that bc i think i would’ve been uncomfortable if they attempted to do smth more campy with the time period given what we already knew abt the circumstances of sarah’s death even before the film. 

more of me blathering on and on abt fear street 1666 under the cut: 

the twist actually worked on me this time. they actually got me on this one, u guys. i rly watched this franchise believing sarah fier was possessing ppl and wreaking her vengeance on the town, but this whole time it was the fuckin’ goodes. nick, i never liked u, i think ur more interesting than i did before before when u were a generic as generic gets asshole, so now ur somewhat more interesting but even bigger of an asshole than i gave u credit for. ur literally the worst asshole of assholes, ur a walking infected hemorrhoidal rectum of a human being. 

don’t get me wrong, i always thought sarah was going to be portrayed sympathetically. i never doubted that. my theory was that sarah was going to be a sympathetic villain. i thought 1666 would’ve revealed why she cursed shadyside. i figured she would’ve cursed her townsfolk for turning their backs on her, maybe, or hurting/killing hannah, or using her for her witchcraft and then getting angry if it backfired on them, or smth like that. i thought we were going to watch a story abt sarah’s descent into darkness and while she’d defo be a tragic villain, she rly would be the person behind the possessions...but it wasn’t even her. she and hannah were just vulnerable to the town’s suspicion and persecution bc they were queer women who didn’t behave the way society wanted them to behave. and they were blamed for evil actually wrought by heterosexual men in power, and when sarah realized there was no way out of it, she took the blame upon herself so hannah was spared and she cursed only the goode family?? 

THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER. FUCK. THAT IS SUCH A BETTER STORY. kudos to this trilogy for being more intelligent than it ever had to be, when it could’ve just skated on the notoriety of the fear street series, the style, and billing notable cast members. 

so yeh, i defo 100% appreciated the goode men from wealthy sunnyvale being revealed as the true villains. i actually got my wish of nick getting killed in the face. i love that sarah possessed deena to do it herself!!! and deena!! oh man, i love deena so much. she was wearing a homebrew vest to protect herself made of fear street novels + duct tape, u gotta love it. ig she wanted to prepare herself since sam stabbed her at the end of 1994. on that note, she’s v active in this film for someone who has a fresh abdominal stab wound and i mean, the situation defo calls for it, but i hope she remembered to properly dress it and take a couple ibuprofen or smth. shit, i’m gettin distracted again. okay!! 

i loved errything that went down in the mall. i adore that josh and adult ziggy got more time to shine. i was so! so! happy at martin’s inclusion on the action. he deserved that after the way nick treated him in 1994. our occupations are also p similar so i defo relate to martin on that front. i loved it all the neon and blacklight stuff at the mall. that part was v stylish, that was p cool. spraying the killers with the blood so they kill each other!! yes! that was perfect!! it was incredibly practical and enjoyable for me, as a gore fan, to watch. 

i liked the sticky note on the wall at the end from deena and josh’s dad, that he had a job interview. i wonder if this is bc the curse of shadyside has been lifted with the end of the goodes?? 

yk, i feel like now knowing what we know abt the actual evil, i gotta wonder how much re-watch value there is to be gleaned from this trilogy. for example, in 1978, nick liked ziggy and didn’t want her to die. he performed cpr on her even tho she’d been stabbed a fuck ton of times and tbvh, the chances of success of resuscitation depending on what exactly it is was ziggy succumbed to seem v slim. at first i attributed this to a suspension of disbelief bc this is fiction (and to be fair crazy do happen sometimes irl, ykw, sometimes reality can surprise u) BUT now i’m sittin here like...was the cpr successful bc nick’s deal with the devil gave him the power to do that?? did his bargaining of others’ souls and offering them up for possession grant him the ability to have some control in that situation somehow? at least more than a normal human being should?? idk. it’s a thought. 

what else, what else? 

i feel like outta the three, 1666 had the most tension overall. i was p gosh darn emo abt the relationships. deena and sam’s relationship i’ve cared abt since the beginning but the contrast of them getting the opportunity to have it and be together, in parallel to the way sarah and hannah’s ended just moves u. or, it moved me at least. sarah tells hannah they’ll go somewhere and kiss in broad daylight before kissing her in almost total darkness, and then the film ends on deena and sam kissing in the sun. i was also glad deena and josh’s sibling relationship got touched on a lil bit more. thought it was cute that she tried to cook for him and produced smth that just dead ass looks inedible. i also thought it was sweet that ziggy reunited with nurse lane. she can do that now, she can leave her house without fearing the return of the curse, and she deserves it. <3

i’m impressed with the trilogy overall. each movie easily could’ve been an r-rated goosebumps episode and imo all were certainly better than that. i feel like each film was better than the previous, but personally enjoyed each one. some things were p predictable but i think much of that is intentional. 1994 and 1978 were clearly paying homage to classic slashers and familiar horror tropes. i personally didn’t find the predictability off-putting bc i recognized what they were trying to do, and felt the quality in the other elements made up for it. i was genuinely shocked by the actual villain reveal, i personally didn’t predict that. again, i always thought sarah was going to be sympathetic and i never liked nick at all, but i didn’t suspect sarah was just. dead ass *not* going to be a villain or that he was going to be the big bad. 

really dug the style of these films. loved that we got an interracial lesbian couple who made it thru the trilogy without either the predatory lesbian trope or the byg trope happening. i liked most of the characters we got to know and the only character who *rly* grated on my nerves was the villain who got stabbed in the eye. 

gosh, i want more fear street movies!! if i had to pick one outta any of the slashers featured, i’d want to see ruby lane’s story. i would like to see this production team milking the most outta the environment in the 50s, the style of the 50s, music, and whatnot. i enjoyed nurse lane even tho she was super bad at murder, so it’d be cool to see her again and who she was before her daughter got possessed and killed 7 ppl. also, ruby sings when she kills?? 

that’s weird and creepy and neat. totally down for it. 

[whoiskt]

Today on Things Nobody Asked For: My review of every anime I’ve seen/am currently watching.

First, I want to split this list into three parts. Before I met Will, after, and ones I never finished. Just because I think it’s funny. Since I’ve started doing Cosplay Photography, however, it’s something I personally choose to get into.

Quick explanation of my ranking system: 

S-tier: Excellent, would recommend

A-tier: Great, would generally recommend if you have similar tastes

B-tier: Good, maybe recommend

C-tier: Meh, it exists if you’re into that

D-tier: Bad, wouldn’t recommend

F-tier: Horrible, I actively recommend you DON’T watch this

PRE-WILL ERA: (not in order)

1. Death Note

I saw Death Note around the internet a lot back (deviantart, youtube, talking about it on IM) in the early 10′s and was interested in the premise. It was readily available on the brand new streaming platform, Netflix. This all makes me feel very old.

I’m sure you’re aware of the plot.

Death Note, is, without a doubt, An Anime. They spend a lot of time just talking about doing stuff. It doesn’t sound appealing it’s ridiculousness in this aspect is one of the things that make the show so great.

A show where there’s someone hiding a major secret and you’re just waiting for them to get caught or pull it off are some of my favorites. Death Note is a classic. Everyone knows this.

S-tier

2. Supernatural: The Animation

No one fully understands why this exists or who asked for it. It’s extremely cursed. It generally follows the plot of Season 1/2, with a lot cut out or reworked for a japanese audience. 

I do like the art style but the animation is what you would expect for a 2011 anime series made to get Japan to watch The CW’s Supernatural. It’s been many years since I watched but I remember a lot of the changes weren’t really improvements by any means.

However, I am happy exists if only for the Abridged series it has on youtube.

D-tier

3. Princess Jellyfish

This one came to me recommended by tumblr. I don’t remember why tumblr recommended it but I’m guessing it was for the drag character.

If I remember currently, the drag character (I don’t remember anyone’s name) is trying to teach a group of pathetic girls how to be stylish and cool.

I have mercifully started to forget the details of this show over the years. What I remember is the drag character is just some rich boy whose entire motivation for dressing in drag is to piss off his rich parents. I was disappointed by this and the character as a whole. In fact, I found the entire cast kind of irritating. Except for the Kill Bill girl, who was the best part of the whole show.

No, the best part was it was only 1 season and it was short. So, I was able to finish it despite hating most of my time watching it.

F-tier

4. Angel Beats

This was another recommendation from tumblr. I think there was a compilation of funny moments on the show that got me good so I decided to watch for myself.

There’s many mysteries abound in Angel Beats and I think it’s best experienced going in with little information about it. Basically, there’s a group of students who are fighting for their existence in limbo/purgatory against a character named Angel.

It’s hilarious and it’s heartbreakingly sad. It’s still one of the best animes I have ever seen despite being one of the first.

S-tier

5. Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt

I believe this was a tumblr recommendation but certainly came from somewhere on the internet. Sometimes compared to South Park, P&S is a very raunchy comedy/action/supernatural show. I do not like South Park. I do enjoy P&S. The show follows two angels who were kicked out of Heaven for bad behavior and must defeat evil ghosts to earn their way back up to Heaven. Panty has her own side-quest of sleeping with 1000 men. Shenanigans ensue.

I usually don’t like very raunchy/sexual shows but this show just has some sort of charm to it. It’s funny and weird and surprisingly heartfelt at times. The fights always end with a live-action puppet being blown-up. It’s a show that really takes risks along with the risque. 

Watch it and if it seems to be your sense of humor then you’re sure to enjoy it. Otherwise it’s just going to be a weird and comfortable journey for you, haha.

A-tier

WILL ERA

1. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Jojo was on my to-watch list for many years. A lot of con buddies I had became Jojo fans, and my favorite youtubers frequently made references to it. However, convincing myself to watch anime was always a difficult task, and ESPECIALLY for a series I knew that was as long as Jojo.

On our second date, Will made a reference to stands that I was able to catch, and I stated I would be willing to watch the show. So, it began.

Each part of Jojo is a unique story, with connection being all the main characters from each part are related in some way, and each one is “Jojo” is some way. Theoretically, each part could be watched as it’s own story and being completely understandable. And each is different enough that they really deserve their own rankings. I don’t want to do that here though. Rest assured, some parts are great, some are ok, and some kinda suck. 

A-tier

2. Attack on Titan

AoT was a show I originally began Pre-Will and made it about half-way through the first season before I became busy and wasn’t able to watch it anymore. Along with the fact it went on a long hiatus and no one was really talking about it anymore, I never got back into it. Until season 3 starting airing and Will recommended I “get caught up.”

This show is another one filled with mystery which can be REALLY difficult to keep yourself from googling spoilers. Basically, some kids join the military to defeat Titans, who terrorize them and keep them living inside their walled up community. 

To me, it’s the mysteries and the slow reveal of answers--that really just give you more questions-- that make this show so good. Although it has some flaws and missteps, it is one of the best examples of good story-telling I have ever seen. Attack on Titan is not just a good for an anime, it’s good media.

S-tier

3. Death Parade

I had never even heard of this before Will but he has excellent taste and this proves it.

At it’s base, Death Parade brings the newly dead to play a game (darts, bowling, etc) that determines where they’ll spend the rest of their afterlife. There’s more going on but if it was only this I would still be super intrigued and want to see a hundred more episodes.

Sadly, it is only one season, but it’s perfect as is. I cried a few dignified tears watching. I would recommend this to anyone.

S-tier

4. Dorohedoro

This one was recommended to me by @oubliette-od​ and I put it on in the background while I was working on some projects. I was quickly drawn in and ending up finishing it in record time. (I don’t usually binge watch shows.)

Dorohedoro is completely 3D animation, which isn’t my usual style but 3D animes have come a long way and I think this is a very fitting animation style for the series. It follows Caiman, an amnesiac, who is trying to find the sorcerer who turned his head into a lizard.

This show is gritty, blood, gross, action-packed, but also funny and self-aware. It sets up and interesting universe and all the characters are very compelling that it’s become an instant fave of mine. I love their wacky hijinks. 

A-tier

5. Hunter x Hunter

HxH is not a show I started watching because I found the premise particularly interesting, or because anyone really recommended it to me. I started watching this one simply because it was one of Will’s top 5 shows and I love him

This is one of those classic shows that everyone rates highly. I see it’s charm and definitely think it improves greatly with each arc, but I can’t help but feel it is a tad overhyped.

The premise is a boy, Gon, wants to find his father by becoming a hunter. A ”hunter” can be anything really but the license for it is incredibly hard to obtain. People die during the test for it. He makes friends and does stuff to try and find his deadbeat dad.

When I finished it, I was sad to know there wasn’t more because it wasn’t really complete and likely never will be. The characters are charming, the power system is a little too complex, and the fights are sometimes interesting. It’s really An Anime though, which can have it’s draw backs in over-explaining and still frames. At times! It gets better.

B-tier

6. Puella Magi Madoka Magica

This was one of the first animes Will recommended me. I had my doubts because, first, I am not really a fan of the magical girl genre, second, the cutesy art style was off-putting, and finally, I knew it had a dark twist and was worried it would be edgy.

Although the art style did take some getting used to, Madoka ended up being an excellent subversion of the magical girl genre without becoming 2 edgy 4 me. 

It follows a young girl who is deciding whether to make the contract to become a magical girl and fight witches for the rest of her life in exchange for a wish.

Now, something everyone failed to mention about this show which I love SO MUCH is the experimental-esque animation. It is a welcome difference from other anime and it is so beautiful.

This anime took me so much by surprise and it’s message is amazing. It really left me thinking about it for days and weeks after. One of my favorites.

A-tier (I’d rate it S-tier but I think it can be a little niche in taste)

7. Demon Slayer

I started watching Demon Slayer almost exactly a year ago because I had plans to see the movie. I only had about to week to watch it all so it was more of a task than enjoyment when I binged it. My friends were really into it which helped me get into it myself.

The show follows Tanjiro, after his sister is transformed into a demon, he fights to keep her safe and trains to become a member of the Demon Slayer Corps to find the demon who killed his family.

What this show does best is character design. The characters all sport some of the most iconic outfits and hair you’ve ever seen. It’s a big title so it frequently gets beautiful and complex animation. Great fights.

In many other qualities, it is pretty average for what you would expect. Zenitsu is so annoying he drags the whole show down.

B-tier

8.  Neon Genesis Evangelion

Now here’s a show I watched solely because Will had never seen it. It’s everywhere and everyone knows about it because it’s another classic! So ha! Will! I’ve seen an anime you haven’t!!

This show is about children who have to get in mechs and fight off “angels” who are destroying stuff. It has very interesting lore and many biblical references (that don’t really make sense all the time). It also has a lot of movies and other shows tied to it that I can’t even remotely figure out what I’m supposed to watch or not. They really milked this property for all it’s got, and then some.

I’m not generally a fan of mech anime or mech anything. However, the show is more philosophical rather than action-based. The show ended so horribly (no budget) so they made a movie that made that fixed that. Overall, it’s DEFINITELY an over-hyped show, but it has it’s moments that make it deserving of being called a classic.

B-tier

9. Assassination Classroom

This one I impulsively started because I had heard about it a few times and I just wanted to know what it was even about.

Well, it’s about a weird squid-like yellow guy threatening to destroy earth, and has made an agreement with the government to teach a jr high class while they all try to assassinate him. I guess it is politically motivated to be considered an assassination, technically...

The show fails to stand out to me, yet I still find it entertaining. Animation? Average. Characters? There’s a lot of them and they’re mostly okay with juggling all their stories for such a large cast. Plot? It’s a little weird, as you might guess. Humor? Meh. Hitting emotional beats? For the most part, yes.

It’s enjoyable but not much more than that.

C-tier

10. Mob Psycho 100

Mob Psycho was one of Will’s favorites, so naturally I had to watch it. He knew I would love it.

It follows a middle school boy, Shigeo/“Mob”, with psychic powers, as he is mentored by the fake psychic, Reigen. 

This show has everything! Great characters! Compelling plot! Great humor! Character development! Hard-hitting emotional scenes! Great lessons! Amazing animation!

And openings that are freaking bops! 

S-tier

11. Komi Can’t Communicate

I started this one because I saw it on Netflix and was interested in a show about social anxiety, since I have pretty severe social anxiety myself.

Komi, well, she can’t communicate. It’s a slice-of-life humorous anime that follows her in her journey to make 100 friends.

The show has it’s charm. Komi and Tadano are cute. They have crushes on each other and that’s very endearing. Some of the friends Komi makes are.... not great. For example, one of them is a lesbian who is obsessed and commits creepy crimes to get to Komi. It’s bad representation of lesbians and I’m not a fan. In general, the whole class considers Komi a god, which would be flattering to see such a socially anxious character be so well-regarded! Except it’s just weird and creepy.

C-tier

12. Erased

As a fan of Death Note, I checked out this anime by the same director with Will.

Erased is about a manga-writer who is transported back in time for a second-chance to make a difference in elementary to ultimately prevent the murder of his mother.

All and all, Death Note feels like a more complete story although they both have their flaws. I felt like the ending has less of a climax to it in this which brings it below Death Note, but I don’t want to get too caught up in comparisons. They’re both intriguing in their own ways.

B-tier

13. Doctor Stone

Dr. Stone is an anime me and Will impulsively started together after it’s first episode came out.

Like Attack on Titan, it has a very interesting premise with questions you want answered. Dr Stone is about all the humans in the world being turned into stone by a strange light, until thousands of years later Senku is miraculously released from the stone and begins a new era.

I don’t think it reveals information in as interesting bits as AoT does however, Dr Stone is a science-first show also focused on fun around it. The animation doesn’t always keep up but the characters are all enjoyable and the plot is entertaining. 

B-tier

14. Jujutsu Kaisen

(STILL WATCHING!) So, I actually watched the prequel movie first, with Will who had seen the show first. Me? I thought the movie was pretty good! Will? He thought it was kinda boring and mediocre. The difference was the villain, Geto, seemed to really die. The character, Maki, was new and interesting and the reveal about her backstory with her family was compelling. But, if you see the show, you KNOW all this already. You know Geto doesn’t really die, and in a big way none of this really matters. I realize now how poor the movie would seem if you watch it in order. 

I’m still watching it but I do suggest you choose my watch order and watch the movie first. Especially for Maki’s character, her backstory is very brushed over in the show. Overall, the movie is a bit better at “show don’t tell” or at least telling in an interesting way.

The show is pretty light-hearted and most the main characters are very likeable.

Tentative B-tier

15.  The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

There’s usually some level of worry when watching a foreign comedy that the culture’s humor will align with your own. Pretty much regardless, there’s always going to be some jokes going over your head. Language-based jokes in Japanese usually can’t even be translated well to English.

However, Saiki K manages to be an absolutely hilarious show regardless.

The show follows our titular character, a psychic high-schooler, and the weird cast of classmates who like to gravitate to him. He doesn’t think of them as friends, but he definitely cares for them so, they’re friends. The show gets cute and heartfelt at times too.

The best anime comedy show if rated by humor alone.

A-tier

UNCOMPLETED ANIME:

1. Made in Abyss

One of Will’s favorites. He started playing it impulsively at a friend’s house one night. I saw the first couple episodes but after that night we never picked back up watching it.

It’s not that the show is bad at all, just random happenstance that I didn’t finish it. Would love to go back and rewatch and complete it.

2. Banana Fish

I heard this was good so I wanted to check it out on my own. It’s a fast pace show and the plot is not un-compelling. However I got lost in whether the two characters were actually going to get together or if it was some sort of queerbait? I ended up googling it because I didn’t want to get disappointed and it turns out they are ambiguously gay. I lost interest after learning that.

For whatever reason though, I feel like this would make a good live-action. Like, if Netflix wanted to pick this up I could totally see this working. It’s set in America so...

3. One Punch Man

Only saw the first episode. It wasn’t bad. I’m sure it picks up. Hearing that the second season sucks was a huge bummer and stopped me from watching more.

4. Shiki

I started watching this in preparation for a cosplay shoot with someone dressed as Sunako. It didn’t really have the tone I was expecting for a horror anime. Really not scary at all. Very anime-y. Not my style.

5. Soul Eater

I tried watching this so long ago that I can’t really remember the first episodes or why I didn’t like them. I remember being surprisingly bored. Maybe they spent too much time talking or something.

6. Inuyasha

Boring.

7. Promised Neverland

First season was sooo so good. Second season was ill-paced garbage. Stopped watching because I heard it was only gonna get worse. Sad! It had so much potential.

8. Interviews with Monster Girls

This was the anime that made me stop taking recommendations from tumblr. This show is borderline pedophilic and absolutely disgusted me. I think it was recommended for the teacher/teacher romance but one of the teachers is the one who is doing the interviews and all the students have crushes on him. They do very inappropriate things with him and he just allows it. These are his students. DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW.

[piyoduki]

naeishi

This is just an essay (?!) about Naeishi and why I like them. I just want to dump my thoughts about them somewhere because I love them a lot.

... a very, VERY long essay, featuring lots of screenshots. I don’t expect anyone to read this but if you do, enjoy?!

1. They’re cute

Very important reason and self-explanatory. They’re cute. 

2. Ishimaru relates to Naegi

Everyone already knows Ishimaru has trouble relating to others and making friends. But Naegi is actually the person Ishimaru considers to be the most similar to him (even though Naegi disagrees).

Ehe.

And also, just before the second picture Naegi says this:

But in the end of DR3, what did Naegi do? Even though he’s just a ‘normal’ guy, Naegi managed to rehabilitate the remnants of despair and decided to rebuild the school. He even ended up in a leader position like Ishimaru once did. They are more similar than Naegi thinks.

3. Professor Naegi!!!

After Naegi teaches Ishimaru about the wonders of having a hobby (that isn’t studying), Ishimaru happily praises him as Professor Naegi. Which Naegi is embarrassed about for obvious reasons. But anyway, Ishimaru started to look up to Naegi on their first FTE and wants to learn more from him.

‘I didn’t totally hate it.’

Ehehe. The idea of Naegi teaching Ishimaru about his favourite games and shows while Ishimaru intensely studies them and makes notes is really cute.

But I really like their relationship because it feels like they both can learn a lot from each other. Obviously, Naegi can help Ishimaru make friends and help him loosen up a bit and relax, but Ishimaru, besides helping him study, since they actually have similar ‘goals’ (although Naegi doesn’t believe he’s capable of it), Ishimaru would motivate and encourage Naegi not to give up and to be more confident.

4. Ishimaru secretly likes Naegi’s fashion sense

In their second FTE, Ishimaru confesses to Naegi...!

That he likes his totally cool hoodie!! Ishimaru, who only wears his school uniform 24/7 and has ten sets of them because he’s poor thinks Naegi’s hoodie is awesome. 

(But does Naegi have any right to criticise him when he sleeps in his full uniform as well?! WITH SHOES?! I’m so disappointed in you Naegi...! At least Ishimaru takes off his uniform when he sleeps! Not to mention Naegi has another hoodie with the exact same design but with short sleeves... Maybe they can bond over their clothes collection, except they're all the same type of clothes...?)

But it gets even better, as Ishimaru comes up with a reason (excuse) to get Naegi to hand over his ‘incredibly stylish hoodie’. 

...He totally wants to wear it.

Naegi manages to give an equally ridiculous reason (excuse) to convince Ishimaru not to confiscate his hoodie, by calling it a hard hat. If only Naegi did give Ishimaru his hoodie, then maybe it could protect his head from getting bonked.  

Naegi really loves his hoodie and defends himself. But Ishimaru still insists that he hand it over eventually. Totally because he’s breaking some non-existent dress code and NOT because he thinks it’s stylish! 

5. Friendship (FTEs and School Mode ending)

On their first meeting, Ishimaru thinks Naegi has a nice name (Makoto can be read as truth), and Naegi thinks he’s annoying... but if you do his FTEs Naegi does grow to understand him and change his mind. After all, Ishimaru isn’t a bad person, while he can be harsh and strict he is not purposefully trying to push people away and Naegi understands that. 

I think it’s also easy for Naegi to relate to Ishimaru as well. Since he’s just a ‘normal’ student, and while Ishimaru is a very extreme example of an honour student, his life basically revolves around studying which isn’t exactly foreign to Naegi. And Naegi can see exactly what Ishimaru is missing - hobbies and a friend. 

Naegi softens his impression of Ishimaru once he realises he has trouble connecting with others. While he does not have the best grades, not a prefect, or in many clubs, Naegi has one thing that Ishimaru doesn’t and deep down secretly wants, and that is the ability to communicate with others and make friends. 

And while Ishimaru is a disaster in social situations, he is completely aware that his personality/words/actions push people away.

He also apologises to Naegi whenever he ‘gets carried away’.

And Naegi, being the positive encouraging friend he is, cheers Ishimaru up with his words. 

In the final FTE, Ishimaru invites Naegi to study with him, instead of forcefully dragging him to study together:

Rather than being all ‘eh I don’t really want to study’ like he would be at the start, Naegi asks if he doesn’t mind if he stops by... To Ishimaru, studying together is the equivalent of playing a game or watching a show together - it’s his hobby and he wants to share it with Naegi. 

Ehe. He’s very happy.

Naegi interrupts their study session because he wants to know more about Ishimaru’s hatred for geniuses. He’s genuinely concerned and curious about him...! Ishimaru tells him about his grandfather, and how he messed up his family’s life. After that, Ishimaru says he’s really happy to have met Naegi, because he thought he would be surrounded by geniuses in this school for ‘Ultimates’. They continue studying and Naegi believes they’ve become true friends.

...But that’s not all! In the Trigger Happy Heart event at the end of School Mode, Ishimaru thinks to himself:

He’s aware that people find him annoying, but he still wants someone he can talk to. And once again, Ishimaru thinks Naegi is just like him.

If Naegi picks the best option:

Naegi tells him it’s fine to just be himself and talk about whatever he wants. He doesn’t feel like he’s forcing anything on him. 

But Ishimaru is still worried that Naegi sees him as a nuisance. Ishimaru wants to be friends with Naegi, but he feels bad for talking so much and wonders if Naegi even likes listening to him... and Naegi reassures him that he considers them to be friends. Ishimaru still asks for permission because he’s unsure (and has never had a friend before besides him and Oowada in the main story, but in School Mode the sauna battle didn’t happen), and of course Naegi is happy to become a friend Ishimaru can talk to anytime.

Naegi doesn’t pressure Ishimaru into changing his personality to become comfortable with him, he likes him the way he is.

If Naegi picks the second best option:

Naegi reassures him that his feelings are valid. It’s basically similar to the best option but shorter. (And if you want to be a monster and tell Ishimaru he’s annoying and watch his heart break, you can pick the bad options but we all know Naegi is too nice for that.)

Finally there’s the School Mode ending:

Foreshadowing. :p

Ishimaru manages to compose himself after remembering what Naegi (and living trapped in the school) taught him. Also Ishimaru’s face gets really nervous when Naegi mentions ‘I have to believe this isn’t the last time we’ll see each other’... 

Naegi is possibly Ishimaru’s only friend in School Mode, so it makes sense that Ishimaru might be worried that Naegi would leave him and he would be alone again.

Naegi remembers his promise with Ishimaru:

He even does his signature pointing pose when he says it! And Ishimaru wants Naegi’s help to achieve his goal. Naegi is shocked because as he thought before, he doesn’t believe he can do something so grand like changing the world to one that rewards effort rather than talent.

Ishimaru reveals that he wants Naegi to become his partner. He trusts him so much and wants to work with him to change the country. (Meanwhile in DR3, Naegi’s trying to do something similar on a smaller scale...) 

‘I saw then that no matter what darkness might stand before him, he would shine through it.’ If only that were the case in the main game... 

6. In the killing game

They are both ‘good’ people who don’t want any killings to happen. Because of his personality, Ishimaru takes the lead and tries to come up with ways to stop any murders from happening (like the morning meetings to keep track of everyone, and saying naive things like ‘if you’re the killer please raise your hand’). Naegi is more passive and doesn’t take any sore of leadership role until maybe the last chapter, but they both are the type who can’t imagine their ‘friends’ killing each other. 

Oh, and Ishimaru does the forget forget beam to Naegi in a small conversation in chapter 1. Cute.

Sadly, after chapter 2 Ishimaru gets broken and Naegi tries to talk to him... somewhat. Ishimaru doesn’t respond to anyone and Naegi gets distracted by Alter Ego. Ishimaru does go to Naegi directly and asks him to let him meet Alter Ego (who he deludes himself into thinking is Fujisaki). It’s probably because Ishimaru does feel the most comfortable with Naegi compared to everyone else (since his bro is...). Naegi brings Ishimaru to Alter Ego despite Kirigiri’s warning (if you talk to her, she says that he might be dangerous but Naegi does it anyway). Also if you click on Maizono’s door, Naegi thinks to himself that Ishimaru must have felt the same way when he lost his bro, so he sympathises with him.

Unfortunately, Naegi (and everyone else) kind of forgets about Ishimaru when he becomes Ishida and runs away. If you try to talk to Ishida during Free Time, he just tells Naegi to go away because they didn’t bother to write any FTEs for him. Grumble grumble. Naegi is sadly too passive and doesn’t bother going after Ishimaru/da any further (he usually waits for people to come to him before helping). Ishimaru dies a lonely, quiet death justlikehisgrandfather and everyone worries about Yamada instead. And that’s the end of Ishimaru. 

------

Some random depressing Ishimaru thoughts that don’t have anything to do with Naegi but I wanted to include them anyway: 

• In the very first trial, the two people on either side of him died so Ishimaru is already isolated from everyone else in the first (!!!!) trial. (Naegi is one spot besides Maizono too.)

• Ishimaru and Sakura are the only dead characters who don’t show up in the small group photos Naegi finds in chapter 3-4. Sakura makes sense since she died in chapter 4 and the next photos are just the big group ones, but Ishimaru... It would be nice if they appeared in a photo together in chapter 5.

------

7. Angst potential

Did someone say ‘angst’? Naeishi has a lot of angsty elements. Of course, they’re in a killing game and Ishimaru dies. But Naeishi can have:

• Memory loss. It’s very likely that Naegi and Ishimaru could have been pretty good friends in their first year together, or at least close enough that Naegi didn’t feel annoyed by him anymore (like through his FTEs):

That last sentence has a nice translation. So when they forget everything and get thrown into a killing game, it’s pretty sad to think about them forgetting everything about each other and becoming distant. And it’s even more painful if Naegi got his memories back afterwards and realises he did nothing to save him... 

• Unrequited feelings. Yeah. This can work both ways. Naegi or Ishimaru feeling like they’re not good enough for the other...

• Guilt. Goes with the first one, but if Naegi had kept an eye on Ishimaru even when he became Ishida (and when he needed someone to help him more than ever...), maybe he could have saved him? Or at least let him know that SOMEONE else does also care about him, just like his bro. Anyway Naegi feeling guilty is tasty.

• Happiness doesn’t last. For some reason there are a few comics where Naegi and Ishimaru hang out and do some happy thing (like Naegi showing Ishimaru how to play a game), and promising to show him more, or something like Ishimaru promises he will beat the game before they graduate. And then it ends with Ishimaru falling into depression and eventually dying while Naegi is helpless... Their promises never got fulfilled.

8. Wholesome?!

Anyway, because I don’t want to end it on a depressing (?) note, Naeishi is just... very soft. Ishimaru really wants to become Naegi’s friend, and he’s awkward about it, but you can tell he really enjoys Naegi’s company. When he talks in his FTEs, Ishimaru is really excited because he’s never really had this kind of conversation with another person before (just talking with someone normally is new to him). While he can be judgemental and set in his opinions, it’s possible to change his mind as long as you give a reason that he can accept (like games helping you make friends and the hard hat hoodie). And Ishimaru does get bothered/guilty when he realises he might be forcing his opinion on Naegi, and apologises, because deep down he’s worried of what Naegi thinks about him. He doesn’t want Naegi to dislike him.

Naegi knows there’s a lot more to life than just studying and school, and he feels bad for Ishimaru. So he tries to help him, and share his own opinions, and Ishimaru realises that he has a point and wishes to continue learning new things from him. At the same time, Naegi admires Ishimaru and thinks he’s a very strong-willed and dedicated person. While initially he finds Ishimaru comes off kind of strongly, he slowly understands why he is the way he is and ends up enjoying spending time with him, even through studying. 

In conclusion, Naeishi are very good. I like how their relationship progresses gradually and naturally, I like how their personalities complement each other, I like how painful they are... I like how they are (relatively) normal, or how they have some things in common (school) and can relate to each other, and how they admire aspects of each other. I love them a just a bit. Thanks for somehow reading/skipping to the end. Have a cute pic from the anthology as your reward: 

[lostinbl]

Coffee shop flirts | Sun x Mork | Dark Blue Kiss

Mork isn't that big on shopping. At least not physically. He has a very specific style and he knows what he wants and what he doesn't. It's fairly easy for him to log into the website of his favourite store and order the few occasional items. He loves the simplicity of it. Visiting online stores goes just like that, no fuss or waiting in line or getting his feet achy. And yet here he is in an actual store, surrounded by racks of clothes as Sun looks through them for new items. Mork barely holds in his curses and instead just grunts in dislike. Sun gives him a look, that mischievous smile of his flashing on his face. Mork knows he's being dramatic but he doesn't care, as long as he gets the point across. Sun rolls his eyes playfully.

"Fine, let's go", he finally agrees. He glances at the clothes currently draped over his left arm. Two pairs of pants, one white dress shirt and some socks. These and the other items he bought earlier should suffice for a long time to come or until there is something he desperately needs. Unlike Mork, Sun prefers actual stores. He wants to feel the materials rather than read about them and he always makes sure to try on things before he buys them. Well, this time the exceptions are the dress shirt and socks, both of which use very standard sizing. Sun heads to the cashier and to Mork's delight, there is no line. Mork doesn't want to stand around so he goes outside to wait, eager to get out of the store. Not long after Sun emerges with the store's bag in his hand. He is clearly amused.

Mork is too lazy to go and order so instead he finds them a place to sit and leaves the ordering for Sun. He knows what to get for him by now. Mork chooses two very big and very soft cushioned chairs around a small round table and sinks into one of them closing his eyes. Ah. Mork sighs in content. His feet are aching and it’s not even 12 o'clock yet. Sun has to be the only fucker on earth who goes shopping the moment the stores open. Mork opens his eyes and looks towards the register. He should make sure that Sun finds him. Mork's eyes move around the register looking for the black-haired man. Soon he finds a back with broad shoulders covered in a white t-shirt. Sun. Mork sits a little straighter, ready to motion the man to the table when he sees that Sun is not alone. A girl is standing in front of him and as Sun shifts his weight Mork can see her face. She's beautiful. Long brown hair, small nose, red lips, big boobs, the whole package. Mork turns his eyes away as he settles back into his chair. He doesn't like this. Not one bit.

"For someone as stylish as you you do hate shopping", Sun retorts playfully. Mork glares at him.

"I am not stylish", he grumbles and Sun raises his hands up in surrender. The glint in his eyes still remains though. Mork disregards his annoyingly handsome boyfriend and stifles a yawn. He's tired, having been dragged out of bed by the old man way too early. Another glare. Sun seems to not notice, a slight smile still on his lips.

"So, what next?" Mork asks the man. He has no reason to be here after all. Sun looks around for a while and then glances at his annoyed boyfriend.

"Coffee?" he asks the smile widening. Mork turns his eyes to where Sun's lingered and nods. Coffee sounds very good.

There are a lot of things Mork is good at. Fighting, getting into trouble, sleeping (if you were to ask him, that's what he excels at), witty remarks, all that stuff. What he is not so good at, however, is this whole dating thing. Especially some less likeable parts of it. Like jealousy, and such. What is harder than handling it, however, is admitting that he feels it in the first place. So Mork fights really hard against it. He drums the small wooden table with his fingers and refuses to turn even a millimeter towards Sun and the girl. But he can't help it. His stomach feels heavy as the old doubt creeps into his head, spouting out thoughts about all the things Sun can do with her but not with him. And it's idiotic and stupid and every other synonym for those words but Mork can't help it. He knows Sun is gay but he can't help it.

Finally he breaks and turns back to look at Sun. He is smiling widely with his teeth showing, his hand in his pocket in a relaxed matter. There are two iced coffees sitting on the pick up part of the counter but he is not even glancing towards the drinks. Mork is sure someone already called their order out. He turns his eyes back to Sun. He is still standing there next to the register with the pretty girl in front of him, talking with a bright face. The girl laughs and slaps Sun's arm in a playful manner and then with one beautifully strategic move she sends her hair over her shoulder spreading the scent of her, what Mork only imagines to be something strawberry, shampoo. Sun likes strawberries. Mork's mood gets even darker and with an annoyed grunt he pushes himself off the chair. He knows he's wearing a very pissed look on his face but he couldn't care less.

With determined steps Mork walks to the counter and snatches the two named coffees to himself. He can see Sun from the corner of his eye as the man turns towards the movement. Mork doesn't turn to look, instead he walks back to their table and slams the coffees down. If it weren't for the lids the contents would be all over the table. With just as much vigor Mork slumps down to his seat. He can see Sun walking towards the table but adamantly he keeps his eyes forward. He takes an angry gulp of his drink.

"I could've brought those", Sun says with a light voice but Mork doesn't turn to look.

"Didn't seem like you were coming", he grumbles in annoyance. Sun clears his throat.

"Anyway.. This is Aom. We went to the same barista competition last year, she owns that cute little shop near your apartment", Sun introduces the girl with a smile. Mork forces his eyes on her, purely out of curtesy. He makes a mental note to never visit her shop again. Aom flashes him a beautiful smile and waves. Mork jerks his hands in a motion similar to a wai but it can't quite be called that. Sun looks at him with raised eyebrows but continues on.

"Alright then, this wonderful ball of sunshine over here is Mork, my.." Sun trails off his eyes on Mork. Mork knows he's only holding back out of courtesy for Mork, because Mork doesn't necessarily want to be introduced as a boyfriend. Mork knows that but right now in front of that pretty girl it annoys the shit out of him.

"Boyfriend", Mork finishes firmly, his eyes fixated on the Aom. "I'm P' Sun's boyfriend", Mork repeats. The smile that blooms onto Sun's face is almost enough to make Mork's mood turn over. Almost. Mork can see the smile on Aom's face waver just the tiniest of bits but immediately she fixes her face. With a look of surprise she turns to Sun. Mork wants to growl. She's good.

"I didn't know you played for the other team! How unfair", Aom teases once again lightly slapping Sun's arm. Sun just smiles. Mork wants to break that arm. Aom's or Sun's? He's not sure.

"Yeah", Sun chuckles awkwardly, his bright eyes on Mork. Mork turns his attention away from Aom, back to his boyfriend. His eyes are looking at him so softly Mork wants to melt. He hates that feeling. No he doesn't.

"Same to you. You know where my shop is, please come for a visit, I'll make you our special", Sun answers genuinely. Mork wants to groan. Aom laughs and agrees to visit. The two of them say goodbye and finally Sun sits down.

"Well, I see that I have interrupted a date", Aom wiggles her eyebrows mysteriously. Sun laughs. Mork thinks he might've enjoyed her company had she not flirted with his man. "I am not without manners and thus I shall go", she continues dramatically. Sun rolls his eyes playfully.

"If you do stumble upon my humble lair, please come in. I will give you something on the house", Aom winks at Mork and turns to Sun. Mork stops himself from snorting, frankly a little defeated. Why couldn't she have been a bitch? Hating her would've been easier.

Mork turns his eyes away, a scowl still on his face. Sun looks at him in silence for a while.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Sun asks, his eyes still on Mork's face. Mork glances at him. Sun raises his eyebrows.

"Nothing", Mork answers puffing out air in annoyance. Then it seems to click and a smile spreads to Sun's face.

"You were jealous!" he exclaims with a laugh and immediately Mork gives him a death stare.

"No, I was not!" Mork argues in a hissed yell, not keen on gaining any more attention. Sun throws his head back to laugh.

"You totally were!" he says again, laughing some more. Mork is fuming.

"She had her fucking hands all over you! Did you not see how she flirted with you! The only reason she backed away is because I didn't!" Mork grumbles. Sun looks at him with adore, his eyes bright and a smile on his lips.

"Oh baby", he muses and reaches across the table. Mork crosses his arms and turns his eyes away.

Sun is, however, shameless. He gets up from his chair and moves next to Mork, kneeling next to his chair. Mork turns his eyes down to meet Sun's as he reaches up to cup Mork's face. Mork wants to jerk away but something about the warmth of those fingers stops him.

"Baby", Sun purrs. Mork turns his eyes away, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He is well aware there are other people in the coffee shop. "Baby, look at me", Sun begs and gently moves Mork's face to meet his.

"I love you, you know that", Sun says, his voice sweet. Mork's stomach twists at the honey tone. Fuck.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let her get so close", Sun keeps purring and Mork's head is about to explode. Fuck. Oh how he wants to fuck Sun right now. Mork clears his throat to shake it off.

"Get up, people are staring", Mork mumbles, still avoiding Sun's eyes.

"Baby.." Sun says again and Mork wants to murder him.

"Get the fuck up, people are staring!" Mork complains meeting Sun's eyes. Mork has the tiniest of smiles lingering on his face and he knows it. Sun seems satisfied and with a wide smile he gets up and retreats back to his seat. The moment he sits down Mork lets out a breath of relief. Sun picks up his coffee happy with himself. Mork shifts on his seat uncomfortably.

"I'm so gonna punish you for making me go hard in public", Mork mumbles just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Sun's eyes widen and he chokes on his drink. Mork smiles.

[thewidowstanton]

The Widow’s best of 2020

Well… during a year when we haven’t been able to see many live shows we’ve still managed to find lots of things we loved. Here are some of them; live shows are indicated, otherwise we watched them online – our grateful thanks go to all the companies that streamed their productions for free – listened to them or read them. You’ll notice that our list includes lots of women and the occasional man.

But before that we start with a new category…

PERSON OF THE YEAR: Circus director Carol Gandey (pictured) of Gandeys Circus. If UK touring circus – an artform championed by The Widow’s Liz Arratoon for more than 25 years – is to survive Covid-19, it will be in large part to her. Gandeys had produced three shows before the UK’s March lockdown, two of which never had a chance to open, incurring hundreds of thousands of pounds in costs. It then provided accommodation and living expenses for 33 stranded artists, and meanwhile developed an air-flow working model for circus – trialling an opening at Butlins – which gave the government enough confidence to allow circuses to reopen with reduced seating capacities.  

Carol constantly lobbied the government and the Arts Council for aid – as did other industry figures – and her application to the Arts Council Recovery Fund, which was said to be exceptional, resulted in a £1.1 million grant; the largest amount awarded to any UK circus company. Gandeys used some of the money to cover the losses due to the lockdown, and to fund a survival package that included some reduced-capacity performances this autumn, as well as funding the production costs for reopening in 2021.

From one strong and inspirational woman to another…

BEST EXTRAVAGANZA: Rhianna’s Savage X Fenty Volume 2 TV special for her lingerie range. Wow! What a mix! This was an explosion of creativity; part fashion show, part dance show, part gig, part circus, part ad, and included a simply stunning floral set. Add a cast of big names, a wonderfully diverse choice of dancers and models, no expense had been spared. Exciting, fresh and really impressive.

BEST LIVE SHOW: Zebra, a solo show by juggling genius Wes Peden, which was part of the London International Mime Festival at the Southbank Centre’s Purcell Room.

BEST CIRCUS SHOW: The really inventive CAPAS by Circo Eia (pictured) – so great to see so many new ideas, and here’s our chat with cast member Francesca Lissia. Plus the intricate and dazzling Twenty Twenty by Gandini Juggling. 

BEST DANCE SHOW: Faust by the Ballets de Monte-Carlo, featuring the spectral Bernice Coppieters (pictured) as Death; and Cia de Dança Deborah Colker’s super-stylish Belle, inspired by the novel Belle de Jour.

BEST KIDS’ SHOW: Little Angel Theatre’s hat trilogy, presented by puppeteer Ian Nicholson; an adaptation of the picture books by Jon Klassen: I Want My Hat Back, This Is Not My Hat and We Found a Hat.

BEST COSTUME: The Widow has always considered costumes to be extremely important. As Federico Fellini said: “Don’t forget that costumes, like dreams, are symbolic communication,” and frankly we wish more artists would make the sort of effort Dua Lipa made on Saturday Night Live!

Staying with costumes… slightly less glamorous, but an effort was made by Hot Mess in party-sketch work-in-progress Dirty Stop Outs.

MOST EXCITING: Meeting Marina Abramović in the foyer at London’s Barbican before the Efterklang gig.

BEST SHOWGIRLS: Seen in the 1972 film Un Flic; costumes by Colette Baudot. Also featured is a stunning black dress, worn by Catherine Deneuve, designed by Yves Saint Laurent.

BEST BURLESQUE: Lady of Burlesque, starring Barbara Stanwyck, who wears costumes by the great Edith Head.

BEST FILM CREDITS: Sudden Fear, starring Joan Crawford as a scorned – but impeccably dressed – woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown! 

BEST CASTAWAY: Hard to choose between Rupert Everett, Ian Wright or Daniel Radcliffe, who all washed up on BBC Radio 4′s Desert Island Discs.

BEST SHOWBIZ STORY: Catherine Russell – on Outlook, BBC Radio 4 – who has played the same role for 32 years and said the same lines more than 13,000 times. She holds the world record for the most theatre performances in the same role; Margaret Thorne Brent – a psychiatrist who might also be a cold-blooded killer – in the off-Broadway play Perfect Crime.

BEST TV SERIES: It was a close call with The Queen’s Gambit, but our choice is the utterly brilliant My Brilliant Friend; the adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s series of Neapolitan novels. 

BEST DOCUMENTARY: The Bee Gees – How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.

BEST CABARET PIC: The ever-lovely Eve Ferret at the Crazy Coqs in London. Picture: @marc_t_albert 

BEST SHOWBIZ MEMOIR: John Cooper Clarke’s I Wanna Be Yours.

BEST SHOWBIZ BIOGRAPHY: Jon Gresham: The Life and Adventures of a Sideshow Showman, Fire-Eater and Magician by Edwin A Dawes, Pat Gresham and Jon Marshall. This is a painstakingly detailed and enthralling account of Gresham’s life, lovingly compiled by his widow and friends from material written by Gresham himself. Want one? Details below.

BEST SHOWBIZ AUTOBIOGRAPHY: The heartbreaking Everything and Nothing: The Dorothy Dandridge Tragedy by Dorothy Dandridge and Earl Conrad. The revealing autobiography of Hollywood’s first African-American sex symbol and screen legend.

BEST GIG: Sevdaliza’s only show this year, streamed live from The Hague's Koninklijke Schouwburg (Royal Theatre) to a global audience.

BEST SONG: Désormais by Charles Aznavour, which was used as the title track for the film Chambre 212 or On a Magical Night.

BEST ALBUM COVER: Charles Aznavour’s Désormais. That hat!

MOST CHARMING: The sheep invasion during Isabella Rossellini’s show Sex and Consequences, which was streamed live from her farm in Bellport, Long Island, USA. Yes, her live sheep! 

BEST TWITTER CIRCUS PIC: The stunning Crystal Pyramids by Severus posted by @PablosCircus.

BEST LIVE COMEDY: Myra Dubois – star of Britain’s Got Talent – at The Poodle Club in Sydenham. Some of us recognised the greatness of Rotherham’s finest before she was famous!

GONE TOO SOON: Actor Chadwick Boseman (pictured) at just 43, funnymen Eddie Large, Tim Brooke Taylor and Bobby Ball, and dancer, choreographer and actor Ann Reinking.

MOST MISSED: Davenports magic shop that closed at the end of January – but you luckily can still order from it online – and a more recent casualty, after 96 years, London’s beautiful Café de Paris.

MOST DISAPPOINTING: Madonna’s Madame X show at the London Palladium. Goodness, this was shoddy! She was so incapacitated that she simply marked all the dance moves and had to be helped around the set, and up and down the stairs. The tickets were exorbitantly expensive and no one paid to see someone hobbling about onstage. We paid to see Madonna!

But let’s not end on a sour note…

BEST SHOWBIZ MASK: Shirley Bassey’s fabulous sequinned number!

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL: Some things we’re looking forward to include:  The 45th London International Mime Festival, which will be screening free-to-view videos of shows from past LIMF editions, running an extended workshop series with live and online classes, and hosting a series of talks.

We’re also awaiting the new series of Call My Agent, which starts on Netflix on 21 January 2021.

And, last but by no mean least, one of the world’s truly funny clowns, Gloria – also known as Mooky Cornish – has been busy training her chickens – Kukuruzza (pictured top), who has been taking piano lessons, and the athletic Galina – and will be touring the Canadian prairies with them next summer. Now that’s something we’d love to see! Picture: Nichole Huck

Better days ahead!

*Jon Gresham book is available via PayPal from jon@magiccarpettheatre.com: P&P incl, UK – £25, EU – £30, USA tracked – $52

[kill-for-cookies]

Promise is a beautiful lie (pt. 7)

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Words: 3191

Note: Finally I wrote it! And that’s why I have a very good mood. Hope, you too. Oh, and friendly reminder, my inbox is open and you can send me requests.

Previous parts:  1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

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The Doctor didn't tell you where you were going today. All she said was it would be a little hot. Obviously, she decided to surprise you. You never were happy with surprises. You liked when everyone talked to you straight. Besides, waiting was a real torture for you. You couldn't stand it. 

Now you were in the TARDIS wardrobe, looking at yourself in the mirror. You were wearing a shirt and skirt. You liked it. Simple but stylish. But you decided to put on a white scarf made of light fabric. Now it was perfect. 

'I like it. Looks great' you inwardly made a compliment. 

'It would look better if you wore purple.'

Of course, how could be without him? Could the Master ever leave you alone for one day? You didn't process last night's meeting in the TARDIS and he was here again. There was one but. You didn't mind. Well, not exactly. You were, of course, but not as much as you could have been. Earlier you would have tried to get rid of the Master, but now you didn't really want it. Yes, there was a note of discontent, but certainly not a fountain. 

'Has anyone ever told you you're obsessed with purple?' there was one advantage of this conversation. You could tease the Master. The main thing was not to get carried away. 

'Yes, they don't shut up. Usually they quickly fall silent for some reason... So strange!' he said it so dramatically that you immediately rolled eyes. The sarcasm clearly sounded in his voice. 

You walked through the corridors of the TARDIS, coming back to the console room. You decided to leave his remark without comment. Maybe the Master would leave you if you just didn't say anything. Honestly, you didn't particularly want to tease or argue with him. Just wanted to spend some time quietly on some alien planet. You had a lot of thoughts to deal with. For example, what the hell happened yesterday? So you were begging for two or three hours of solitude and peace.

'So, where are you going this time?' but apparently, this would remain a pipe dream. Deep down, you took a deep breath.

'Why do you want to know?'

'It's not polite to answer questions with questions, love' you could feel his grin. Could even imagine it. So often you had seen the Master lately. You felt it near your ear. Damn telepathy. Sometimes you just hated this. 

'Anyway, I won't tell you until I know why' you crossed your arms over your chest, which made you a little uncomfortable walking. But you couldn't help yourself. 

'I'm just curious' to your surprise, you believed the Master. It really sounded sincere. But out of habit, you asked. 

'Really?'

'Yes, I'm not lying. Swear on two hearts it is.'

'I'm sorry. Just last time you pretended to be a different person and were jealous of yourself.'

'I wasn't jealous' you were sure the Master was offended and pouted. He often reminded you of a little spoiled child.

'Oh, right. How could I forget about your unsurpassed acting talent?'

'I forgive you. Next time I won't be so generous' you rolled eyes again. You thought you would soon see your entrails.

Finally you reached the console room. The Doctor was waiting for you, leaning on the console and reading a book. You didn't want to know what it was about. Either in a language that the TARDIS refused to translate or you wouldn't understand complicated words.

"Doc, I'm ready" she smiled and put the book away, looking at you.

"Wow! Scarf! I love scarves. I wore it once. It was so long that when folded in half it reached my heels and I was taller" your face immediately broke into a wide smile. You had no doubts that it was true.

'I always wanted to straighten it so the Doctor would fall.'

You weren't even surprised by the Master's comment. It was a little funny, though. Usually he tried to kill the Doctor, set a death trap for her. But right now it was quite different. Just a little prank. He was definitely a child at heart.

'I think it's cute' you objected.

'You just didn't see the scarf. It was multicolored and striped. No sense of style. I've never had a problem with style' and here he was again. Did the Master ever get tired of praises? Obviously not.

"Y/N, is everything okay? You're frowning" the Doctor peeked around the central column. Damn, she noticed. You got carried away with argument. Emotions showed on your face.

"Er... I was just talking to my mother yesterday. It brought up couple of unpleasant memories. It's okay."

You tried to give the Doctor a confused smile, but it was more tight and unconvincing. But it was enough for her to stop asking questions. A small sigh of relief escaped from your throat.

'Liar. Did you learn it from the Doctor or you always did it?' the Master teased. This situation clearly amused him. You really wanted to see his face and hit him so hard.

The Doctor stood at the door and opened it, inviting you to come out. So you did. You were met by a scorching red sun, which made you close eyes and put hand to your forehead to create some shade.

The sharp smell of spices hit your nose. So sharp that you wanted to sneeze. In front of you were stalls with all sorts of things. Spices, flowers, fruits, vegetables, technologies, etc. It seemed you could buy here everything in the Universe.

It was so atmospheric. There was a lot of people. Some of them examined and brought goods. Others shouted and argued. Apparently, didn't agree on price or quality.

Everything seemed so alive here. Real. No pomp and conventions. Simple and clear. That was what you really liked and missed a little. You couldn't take your eyes off this sight. It was even a little breathtaking. In a good way, of course.

"Welcome to Guoron. Planet of merchants and markets" the Doctor put hand on your shoulder as she lined up with you. "You said you wanted something simple. So I thought..." she didn't finish the sentence when she saw the tears in your eyes. "Sorry. I thought you'd like it. I can take you somewhere else..."

"Don't you dare. Don't even think about it" you said sharply, raising your voice at the Doctor and wiping away tears. "I'm crying with happiness. I didn't think it would be so great" you added more gently after seeing her surprised and wondering look.

The Doctor brightened. Her eyes showed she let out a deep mental breath. She was about to say something, but jumped up and ran to the counter.

"Oh, look. It's a waste-to-fuel Converter. I didn't know it was invented in the 37th century. I thought I was 39th. I learn something new every day" the Doctor never changed. This was probably a good thing. Besides, it was difficult not to like it. Every time she did that, you instantly smiled.

You decided to leave the Doctor. Let her examine mechanisms on his own. You weren't as interested in it as her. Honestly, you weren't interested at all.

You moved forward. Stalls were endless. It was like the street, you were walking on, led to nowhere. 

You had some kind of alien fruit in your hands. You were given it to taste even though you didn't have any money. The Doctor must forget to give money to you. Or just didn't have it as usual.

The fruit was blue, round and bumpy. It was glowing a little. In general, it resembled a raspberry. Just increased in size. You took a small bite of the fruit. It tasted like watermelon. Great! Your first alien fruit was edible and delicious. But you hardly finished your meal when the Master appeared in your mind again.

'Aren't you tired of lying to the Doctor?' he definitely wasn't going to leave you alone. It was getting annoying, as if everything, that had happened yesterday, didn't make any sense.

'What else should I do? Tell her everything? I don't think that's a good idea. So what do you suggest?'

Before the Master could respond, you heard that someone was addressing to you and trying to get your attention.

"The girl with white scarf!" you turned and looked around. You were the only one who wore a scarf. Certainly white. But you asked with embarrassment.

"Me?" you said to the old lady in the orange dress, moving closer to her.

"Yes, you" she just smiled sweetly, even though you were still looking at her in confusion. You certainly didn't expect that someone here would address to you. "Don't you want to know your fate?"

"Sorry, but I don't believe in fate" you were already half-turned and about to leave, but the old lady wasn't going to give up so quickly.

"Aren't you curious, Y/N?" your eyes immediately widened as soon as you heard your name.

Where did she know it? Did someone tell her? But who then? Not many people know it (especially on another planet or century). You certainly weren't as famous as the Master or the Doctor.

"W-where do you know?" you barely managed to say it. Your voice was trembling. Disquiet and anxiety grew in you at an extraordinary rate.

The old lady didn't answer you. She just signed to follow her. You weren't sure you should do it. On the one hand, you really wanted to. After all, you always were curious.

On the other hand, you were worried. Maybe it was a trick. Like using you as bait for the Doctor. And that wouldn't surprise you very much. In your practice, this was the norm.

'Don't go, dear. Surely this is some kind of trap' in the Master's voice there was a... concern? He worried about you? If you didn't know him, you'd be pretty sure he did.

'It's nice to know you care about me' through the bond, you felt his resentment and annoyance. He must have crossed arms over his chest and rolled eyes. 'But I want to know where she knows my name. If you don't like it, get out of my head.'

It wasn't a good idea to talk to the Master like that, but you didn't care. This old woman was right. You were very curious. So much that it got the better of your disquiet. And even though you didn't believe in predictions, you couldn't help yourself. 

Long pause. A long, tense pause. You even started to get nervous, because the Master didn't say anything. Nothing radiated through the bond, as if he wasn't in your head, although you could tell it wasn't true. 

'Okay. I'll give you fifteen minutes' and now you were alone. Alone with all this madness. You were hoping in fifteen minutes you wouldn't hear the Master saying 'I told you so'.

You were a little sad he was gone. Honestly, you wanted him to stay. Now you regretted you sent him away. At least, it would be some support. And even if the Master teased you, it would be much better than being alone.

You went inside the store. It was dark. The only light sources were candles. The room had a couple of bookcases with various books. There were skulls on some of the shelves. You wanted to believe these were 'magic' skulls and not something else.

In the middle of the room was a table with two chairs. The old lady was already sitting at the table, shuffling cards, waiting for you, like she knew you would come in.

"Glad you didn't listen to the Master" you froze in place with round eyes. You didn't even hide your surprise.

How the hell did she know about the Master? He was in your head. He even wasn't on this planet. And in general, how did she know you argued with him to come in or not? Now you weren't only curious, but also scared.

"Sit down" you slowly sat in the chair in front of the old lady. You were still waiting for the catch.

"Where do you know my name?"

It was the only thing that made you be here. You wanted to deal with this quickly and get out of here as quickly as possible. That lady scared the hell out of you. Perhaps, more than the Master had ever done.

"Take four cards from the deck" you quickly blinked your eyes. Your mouth opened to object, but she cut you off. "Just do it. I promise you'll get answers."

Brilliant! It didn't bother you at all. The woman, who knew your name and your meetings with the Master (even the Doctor wasn't aware of it), didn't frighten you at all. Just the best day on this damn planet!

Your hand with wariness (as if you put your hand on a hot pan) pulled out four cards.

"I made predictions to many people. Counts, generals, kings and others. And some of them came across a card that means deadly danger" she said, shuffling your cards.

'Um... Okay, but how does that explain she knows me?' you thought to yourself, shifting in your chair. You were hoping the Master would say something now. But unfortunately, this didn't happen.

"Your first card is the inverted King of swords. In your past there was a strong enemy who caused you a lot of trouble and suffering. He has done you serious harm. Did you have him?" the abrupt transition confused you a little. Maybe this old lady would tell you later what she meant earlier.

You were thinking. Yeah, you had one guy at school who bullied and humiliated you. You even cried about it a couple of times, but you wouldn't call him a strong enemy.

In general, you could include the Master there, if we talked about the past. But he wasn't exactly your enemy, he was the Doctor's. But considering he threatened you and your friends... So theoretically, he was.

"Yes, I had. But perhaps, everyone had such person" the lady nodded at this and on her face was written 'fair'.

"Well, they were threatened with death, but they were always saved by someone" you frowned, trying to understand who she was talking about. Probably about her clients. "The more such predictions were made, the more I learned about this person. And that was you."

Wait what? You quickly blinked in surprise. Would you save someone? Of course, you traveled with the Doctor, but usually it was she, who saved the situation.

"Well, yes, I'm traveling with the Doctor, but I'm only helping her..." you lowered your head and rubbed your neck in confusion.

"No, it was you and not with the Doctor. Have any clue?"

Even if that was true, how could you save alien kings and counts without her? You didn't have your own ship... And then it hit you. You even forgot about it. You met the Master from your future and he said you two were together. Well, after that, you interrupted him, not wanting to know what he meant.

Apparently, in the future, you would travel with the Master and dissuade him from killing. And it seemed possible. Of course, you were a little unsure of your guess, but that was the only explanation.

Besides, the more you met the Master, the more you believed he could change. And if he could, maybe one day... you would leave the Doctor for him (and just a month ago you thought that was impossible).

You would not because you were attracted to the Master. You just felt like you were the only one who were good to him. Plus, the Doctor had Fam. In the worst case, she would easily find a new companion, but the Master wouldn't.

"Wow! Congratulations. You got the Sun. Now your life is like a fairy tale. Adventure and true love. Perfect combination" okay, let's say the first time it was an accident. But now it didn't feel like this.

You definitely couldn't complain about your life now. It was really good. You saw the stars and history again with your own eyes. And there was definitely something between you and the Master. You wouldn't say (at least, for now) it was love. But you couldn't deny you didn't have feelings for him, either.

"Let's say I believe you, but why did you say 'I'm glad you didn't listen to the Master'?" you decided she shouldn't know she was right. You still didn't trust her, but the more time passed, the more you believed her story.

"I know you've been talking to him a lot lately. Don't worry, the Doctor won't know about it" the tension began to gradually leave your muscles. You didn't even notice it until now. "I know a lot about you from the predictions. Didn't I say that?" you looked away. You needed time to digest all this information.

Honestly, you weren't as scared as you were when you first came in. Of course, you were, but for some reason, deep down, you believed her. Felt this lady would do no harm to you.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Really sorry" your eyes were quickly up to her face, asking 'what happened?' "Inverted Ten of swords. This is one of the most frightening card. You will soon face a terrible ordeal. And it will bring you tears, pain and devastation."

It was like you were struck by lightning. Although you didn't believe in fate (after all, previous cards didn't fully convince you), it was still scary to hear this. You didn't want to know what the last card would be. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it would tell you. Your future in general.

You got up and walked quickly to the door. The old lady tried to stop you, but you weren't going to turn around. You were devastated. No thoughts, no emotions. Just nothing. The only thing you wanted was fresh air. Well, as far as it was possible in the market.

When you entered a small alley, you stopped and pressed your back against the wall, taking a deep breath and closing your eyes. Surely, you didn't think the day would pass like this. It was supposed to be wonderful. Supposed to be. 

You had no idea you were going to be so upset today. Especially from fortune telling. It was more likely the Master would spoil your mood, but certainly not this.Maybe you shouldn't have left. Maybe the last card was a good one. Maybe everything would end well. You would live happily ever after...

You stood there for a few more minutes in silence. Alone with yourself... Damn, you wished the Master was back in your head. His taunts would cheer you up. Who knew you loved them so much? Certainly not you.

When you came back to normal a little, you were about to leave and find the Doctor, but you were violently grabbed by arms.

[adamantiumdragonfly]

Part Two

Chicago, Illinois ~ June 6th 1920

The Federal Bureau of Investigation, the organization designed to monitor the borders and the cities of America, was an intimidating group to say the least. To be sure, they commanded a presence but Miriam didn't know how fruitful their investigations were.

Now, it was common knowledge that gangsters and bootleg liquor had taken the country by storm in the midst of their dry sobriety. The FBI should have been handling that. The FBI should have been stopping it.

The war had left many hearts thirsting for a numbing drink and there was always a demand. Though the city was dry, she could almost smell the liquor that oozed from the cracks and shadows of the alleys.

[But Miriam wasn't sure if she was imagining things. She wasn't really sure of anything. Like how she had managed to find her way in the busy Chicago streets to the FBI offices or why she was here at all.

London wasn't her home anymore, that much had been made clear. Neither was the wasteland of mass graves and trenches that had once been Europe. Miriam gripped the letter tighter in her palm, the ink smudging against her sweating palm, the only sign she was nervous.

There had been one person she had known in the war who still spoke to her or had life in their chest. Lawrence White. First hand witness to her path of blood and destruction and now special agent in Chicago. He had sent her a letter, promising a job, a purpose and orders to follow.

"You don't look like a spy,"

Miriam could have stayed in Britain. She could have carved out a new life for herself, built a new family, like the thousands of others who had managed to crawl their way out of the trenches. But that meant being alone. Alone with the ghost of that little girl, little Melinoe, who would have been alive, if Miriam hadn't failed.

Miriam needed an occupation, a purpose. She needed orders to follow. So she had replied to the letter, bought a ticket on the next boat and left.

God, this was a mistake.

The offices were neat but busy. She wasn't sure if anyone had been alerted of her arrival. If Lawson, (as they had nicknamed him), had told the rest of the offices that a British-German would be walking across their doorstep and taking up residence beside them in a desk. That would have been jarring enough. Miriam wasn't sure that if anyone knew of her arrival, they would be aware that she was a woman.

That would have been two strikes against her.

As it turned out, neither seemed to be the problem. There were three other women in the office and a man who's accent betrayed him as Russian. Being a woman and being a foreigner wasn't the problem. It was her age.

"I've had to explain to Washington that your age will not affect your work." Lawson said, after settling Miriam in his office, the stares of the agents nearly burning through the window.

His first words after seeing her in Belgium rang in her ears. "You look different."

"Why should it?" Miriam said. It hadn't to the British government. They had sent her to Cairo, alone, when she was seventeen. Thanks to Ezriel, that is.

"I know of your work and of your ability. These men," Lawson waved a hand at the glass windows that offered a view of the office. Agents were still watching. "They know nothing. You are young, Goldschmidt. That makes you seem inexperienced."

They both knew that wasn't the case. She had fought harder than most, killed more than anyone she had worked with. Enyo wasn't gone, like the rest of the war. She was still present, pushing anything prior to her creation into ghostly memoriam.

"I will endeavor to prove myself to these high standards." Miriam said. She smoothed her new suit, a more stylish cut than she was accustomed to but in a familiar glossy black. like a crow's wing. It was an alteration to her usual ensemble but provided the much needed encompassment. Her accent was more obvious now, here in this country. She had sounded to German in Britain but too British here. Perhaps she would have to alter that part of herself too. "Anything else I need to know before you turn me to the wolves?"

It had been like this during the war. Lawson gave orders and Miriam followed them. The only difference, they were now in America and Miriam wasn't Enyo. She was a field agent and now, she would be released into an unknown country.

"You aren't being thrown to the wolves," Lawson shook his head as he stood, gesturing for Miriam to do the same. They exited the office, the agents who had been spectating hurriedly returning to their work. He led her, shoes tapping against the marble floor to a desk where a woman sat, sorting through papers.

Office work. She would be doing office work. Lawson had seen her fight and seen her losses and would only give her office work. Miriam's hands balled up into fists, her short nails digging like daggers into her skin.

"Agent Davidson," The woman looked up at the sound of Lawson's voice. She was older than Miriam, much older. Her hair was graying and her lined face. She looked around Sarah's age. Miriam's fists tightened. "This is Miriam Goldschmidt, our new special agent. She'll be working with you."

"Goldschmidt?" Davidson's eyes sparked angrily. Like Ezriel's. Like Sarah's. She wasn't angry because Miriam had failed them. Her fury stemmed from something Miriam couldn't control: her name. "You German?"

"I'm British." Miriam said. Leipzig was a long time ago. London, though she had run away, was the last time she had been free of ghosts. London was her home.

The fire died in Davidson's eyes and she extended a hand. The British and the Americans had fought together. This could be their olive branch, it seemed. "Alaska Davidson."

"A pleasure," Miriam said. "I admit, I was surprised to see another woman."

Alaska nodded. "There are only a few of us and they seem to want us spread out. You and I will be alone in the sea of men." She glanced at Lawson, who had been silent as introductions and allegiances were made. He looked pleased that they were getting along. "Alright, Lawson, you can leave us alone. We won't kill each other."

"Tell me," Miriam said, as he retreated back to his office with only a wink and a smile to say goodbye. "Were you born there?"

"Born where?" Davidson's already lined face wrinkled in confusion.

"Alaska?"

"Oh no." Alaska shook her head, though her face relaxed. "I am from Ohio."

"Are all American women named after states?" Miriam asked. "Should I change my name? To fit in?"

"Lawson failed to mention you were such a wisecrack," Alaska said. She didn't seem upset or annoyed. It was an observation, maybe even a playful joke. Miriam's lips twitched. "You are getting the desk beside me. So I can keep an eye on you." She gestured to the empty table, free of the clutter that was the pattern on every other agent's desk. "You brought anything for your desk?"

Miriam looked down at her empty hands, trying to ignore the weight of the little book against her chest, and shook her head.

"Don't worry, it'll be full soon enough."

"What kind of work will we be doing, Agent Davidson?" Miriam asked. She could feel a gun's smooth metal beneath her palm and the weight of a knife in her grip. Miriam wasn't opposed to a little blood staining her hands. Enyo craved it. She had been sober, like the rest of America, for quite some timee, though her tonic had been a tad more violent.

She needed something she could fight. Something she could put to death. Especially now when Miriam's mind was full of undead memories. Ghostly little girls. Blood that had long since dried, sticking to her fingers.

"Do you know much about the eighteenth amendment?" Alaska asked.

She knew enough. Alcohol was prohibited, not to be sold or served.

"It is the devil's drink, is it not?" She said, something inside her smiling at the look on Alaska's face. Surprise and calculation. Miriam liked being a mystery. While they were trying to figure her out, she had time to fire the defenses.

"You aren't a girl of morals, are you?"

Blood staining her hands. Enyo, laughing.

It was safe for Miriam to say, "No, no one could ever say that."

"So, lying is acceptable?"

" I enjoy it."

Alaska laughed, mistaking her words as another witty crack but there was no shift in Miriam's expression. She hadn't been joking.

"You'll do fine," Alaska decided, though the curiousity didn't leave her gaze. While Miriam sat at her desk and removed her hat, she could feel the watchful eyes on her, trying to solve the puzzle of Miriam Goldschmidt. She wished Agent Davidson would solve it for her. She hadn't yet.

Taglist: 

@rinadoesstuff​ @vintagelavenderskies​ @julianneday1701​ @immrsronaldspeirs​ @wexhappyxfew​ @junojelli​ @jamie506101​ @trashgoddess600​ @pilindieltheelf​ @sunnyshifty​ @teenmagazines​ @thegirlwithoutaname87​

Historical Notes: 

he FBI wasn't actually known as the Federal Bureau of Investigation until the 1930s. It was known simply as the Bureau of Investigation, going through several adjustments until 1935, the name was settled as we know it today: FBI.

Now, there are a few reasons why I chose to keep the name FBI in this story, however inaccurate. One being familiarity. When I say, FBI, you know exactly what I am talking about. Secondly, comprehension. It is easy to understand what being an FBI agent involves, whether it is 2020 or the 1920s.

So, FBI it remains in the world of Lady Blood.

(also, the acronym BOI has been ruined by meme culture and I couldn't take myself seriously while writing it.)

There were three female agents in the Bureau of Investigation in the 1920s, though their time was short-lived. Alaska P. Davidson, (1922 to 1924), Miss Lenore Houston (1924 to 1928), and Mrs. Jessie B. Duckstein (1923 to 1924).

I chose Alaska Davidson for no particular reason, other than to crack a few jokes about her name and I liked the dynamic and power play that her and Miriam had. That's all.

[wannabecatwriter]

10 Questions Tag

Rules: Answer ten questions, then come up with ten of your own!

Thank you for the tag, @treason-and-plot, @vidkid20ssimblrlair and @katsujiilove

My answers are under cut. My questions for others are:

1. What is your ideal gift?

2. What is the last song you’ve listened to?

3. Recommend anything (book, movie, music, food, up to you)

4. How many languages do you speak?

5. How often do you get surprised by life?

6. What do you think is the basis of a healthy relationship?

7. What is the tastiest thing you’ve ever eaten?

8. Which fictional character do you wish was real?

9. What do you think is the key to success in life?

10. If you write stories, which of your characters do you connect with the most?

Tagging @blythelyre @dandylion240 @shhhushhh @amuhav @dreamsongsims

Questions from treason-and-plot

1. What is your favourite social media platform? (besides Tumblr of course!:P)

Does YouTube count?

2. What is your favourite game besides Sims?

None, really.

3. If you were a Sim, whose game would you most like to be in?

That’s a trick question! Everyone on here tortures their sims a good deal. So, maybe @katsujiilove, since I’d at least get to live in a stylish and comfy place!

4. Have you ever been emotionally affected by the death of a Sim?  

Not so far, at least with my own game. I feel like, I don’t really let them die in my  stories unless I hate them. As for sims aging and dying, that can be sad when it’s a well-loved sim, but I always have backups of them somewhere.

5. What is your favourite smell?

Tossup between lavender and the smell of freshly extinguished candles.

6. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you spent your winnings on?

1st, pay off my student loans. Second, get a house or a condo.

7. What food could you not live without?

Pizza! Although, we haven’t had any for a while...

8. What’s a movie you never grow tired of watching?

Secondhand Lions! It’s just really heartwarming.

9. How many siblings do you have? How do you get along?

None. Only child.

10. Are you a saver or a spender?

In regards to most things, saver. In regards to food, definitely a spender.

Questions from katsujiilove and vidkid20ssimblrlair

. If you could travel one place in the world where would you travel?

Probably cliche, but I’d love to go to Mexico again. If not there, then someplace in Europe, maybe visit Russia again, see relatives...

2. What do you do in your free time away from sims?

Read, cook, watch TV, go for a walk. And of course, music, music, and more music.

3. What other games do you play besides the sims?

Nothing on the computer or console, actually. I play a bunch of mobile games like Lily’s Garden, Helix Waltz... Nothing serious, though.

4. How tall are you?

About 5.2.

5. One random interest of yours?

Not really random, but cooking. I just love seeing a recipe become prepared, especially when you do it right.

6. Current favourite bands or artists?

Too many. I’ve been really vibing to Rat City lately, but they only have a few songs out yet. Keiino never disappoints, they keep making music that’s total fire. Satriani released that great album. So far, despite all the other stuff, 2020 has been very fruitful with new music.

7. Something youre looking forward to?

Covid ending at some point???? But also, next season of Umbrella Academy.

8. Current favourite films?

Haven’t watched anything new in a while, tbh.

9. Who is a historical icon who has left an impact on your life?

I’m honestly not sure. They all played a part in making our life what it is today.

10. Favourite series (book or movie series)?

InCryptid for books. I’ve also been reading those Cat in the Stacks novels, they’re pretty fun. As for movies, I generally tend to not watch long-running series with many sequels.

[itszephoria]

Saw this pop up and your followers ask you which ones they’re interested in. But people don’t really ask much when I post or they don’t ask the ones that might make you feel uncomfortable. And well, honestly I’m so bored that I’ve decided to break all the damn rules and just answer all the questions because I can. *shock horror*

So information dump on the ‘Be nosy’ that popped up in my feed today. If you’re interested.

Be nosy

1. What’s your sexual orientation? 

Straight. But maybe for the right woman I could sway but wouldn’t go so far as to call myself bi or bi-curious though.

2. What are you obsessed with right now? 

Obsessively obsessing about my health and how to get well and failing it all. Oh and anime movies on Netflix.

3. Ever done any drugs?

I do drugs everyday. But I assume this is referring to illegal. No and was strictly no up until recently. I now take marijuana oil on a regular basis for pain management. Also being stoned/high is not pleasant and I don’t understand why people would enjoy that as a leisurely pastime.

4. What piercings do you want?

I want to get my ears pierced again. Holes have closed up, but currently due to my health that’s not possible. I can’t even enjoy clipons :(

5. How many people have you kissed?

The massive number of 5.

6. Describe your dream home.

It’s tiny in the sense it has all the space I need. A cosy tiny-like home. But not one on wheels, fixed to the ground. And it would be made of all natural materials, stone and wood. It would be unique and resemble something out of a fairy tale. It would sit a beautiful clearing with only nature to view in the distance and all the animals and wildlife would stay well away because I’m pretty much terrified of all it, 

7. Who are you jealous of?

Healthy, painfree people. I am jealous of past me who didn’t realise how lucky she was and miss her.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

I don’t binge any show on repeat. I’d rather look for a new show to watch or enjoy, there are so many. The last shows I binged in two days was Queen’s Gambit and Emily in Paris.

9. Do you watch porn?

Yep. But struggle with it because it’s overdramatic, unrealistic and would kill or someone to make porn with a decent storyline with people that can act. 

I prefer to read it if I’m honest or maybe just write it for myself.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

Sort of? More like my other one I used I was known for all my slash writings in F1. But now I just hang out here.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

No where. The world is riddled with co-vid and well, I’m probably in one of the safest countries and I’m at risk of death should I catch it. So I’ll stay here in my safe bubble.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I wake up tomorrow and I’m not me. I wake up and I can take a deep breath without gasping for air, I wake up in no pain, I wake up and my body isn’t terribly scared, I wake up and can have a ‘normal’ life.

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope and no desire too. Won’t that just hurt?

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I’d by that dream house I described, set everything up to be self sufficient. Pay and travel to try every cure available for my diseases. And then bank the rest and live off interest. Or maybe donate it. I don’t want money and I don’t really want a lot of things.

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yep and it’s a struggle and am constantly fighting to prove it’s worth continuing. Oh and that’s a relationship with myself.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No.

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

No, I suppose it’s more disappointed and let down by people more than angry. I’m working everyday on letting it go but it’s not easy.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I have always wanted one, but have never found something that I really loved and haven’t been imaginative enough to create something unique. The older I get though, I’m not sure I want one. I did for the longest time though think about getting a Ferrari tattooed on my inner wrist, but pleased I never did that. I don’t love the sport or Ferrari enough anymore to want a permanent reminder of that.

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

I am changing name actually. Hoping to action that in the next two weeks. I would have done it earlier but they closed the borders. I have a dutch sir name that has two words. It confuses every one, systems don’t get it, it has caused issues with plane tickets. And well I’ve decided no more and am dumping a portion of it.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

This is a duplicate. Skipping.

21. Describe your best friend.

When you meet her for the first time she can be a little crazy and wild, and she kind of scared at me first because she’s so unlike me. But as you got to know her, the *real* her she doesn’t let people see, you realise how kind and soft she is, and she’s the most empathic person I have known. She gives so much of herself to everyone, thinks so little of herself and her needs because she’s one of the most selfless people I know. I love her more than most of my family and would do anything for her.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

Is this followers? Uh most I don’t know what they look like? I assume they’re all hot!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Don’t have any really. My music is varied and is based on my mood and really changes around. And with most bands, I generally lean towards one or two songs. This is one of those questions I really struggle with whenever I see it. Will say however, have been enjoying The Beatles recently and a bit of old school stuff.

24. What are three places you want to travel?

Japan. Norway. Canada.

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Generally hanging out with people I like. Enjoying a good wine, some cheese, either playing some board game or dungeons and dragons, or watching a really good movie. Good company makes any night a good night.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Autumn. One because I think it’s neglected as a choice and every season should be loved, and two because I love the colours of autumn and the colours associated with autumn. 

27. What’s your pet peeve?

I’m sure I have a heap of them, but currently it’s people that have an issue with you and instead of being an adult and talking to you about them choose to silence and blank you. I’m so tired of it, I’ve quit being peacemaker in those situations, those people are no longer worthy in my book.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Uh... I don’t think anyone I know is super funny. Friends and family all have a good sense of humor. But out of my circle of life people I’m always told I’m the funny one, which I find the biggest joke ever. 

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Can not think of anything off the top of my head. I will say if I think a movie is getting too much hype I refuse to watch it, whether all the reviews are raving or not. It’s why I didn’t watch Harry Potter for like ten years or any of the new Star Wars movies. I just refuse to be apart of all the hype and jump on bandwagons.

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

I’d love to talk to everyone. I’m shy to start any conversations to be honest and I think all the people I talk to regularly were the first to message me, and I love them for it.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

100% love an old fashioned paper book. The texture of the paper. The smell of a book. That being said, I don’t think I’ve picked up a proper book to read in years. I live in fan fiction more than anything or am busy writing myself.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Any of the disney worlds, anything from the past, or verging on fantasy like. I want a simpler time not full of technology which I grow to hate more each day. The older I get the more I’m pretty sure I’ve been born in the wrong decade.

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I’d build the perfect wardrobe capsule. Everything would be of high quality, not necessarily brand name and all the clothes would be sourced from ethical businesses or be handmade.

I like classic pieces, love the fashion of the 50′s and 60s and while stylish it would be comfortable to wear and everything could be worn in public (sorry comfy tracky pants).

34. What’s your coffee order?

There ain’t no coffee order. I don’t drink it. Sorry @leoni-speedyf1 I know how addicted you are to it, happy to buy you anything you like though :P

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

In real life? No one.

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Not romantic. I have feelings in that I hope they’re doing well, achieving what they want and they’re all happy. I didn’t have any ‘bad’ breakups and all my relationships ended very amicably.

37. Have any tattoos?

No. See above for more on this.

38. Do you drink?

Rarely. Can’t with medication and condition. But on occasion I do enjoy a good glass of red. Pinot Noir is my preference. 

39. Are you a virgin?

Nope.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Not in a romantic way? The ones I talk to regularly I love immensely though.

41. How many followers do you have?

99

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

Uh all the men I know I am not attracted to. Probably a good thing as they’re either family or partnered with a friend or family member.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Can’t think of anything. I try not to feel guilt for anything I enjoy to be honest, whether it’s food or an activity. Life is too short for that.

44. Do you read erotica?

Yep. Even write it.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

It was a few years back. I met this guy online and we went to the city and spent most of that time just strolling next to the river for our first meet up. Why was it the worst date ever? Well it wasn’t the location that’s for sure.

The guy had two kids, and I’m a firm believer all parents have favourites, though I have yet to meet a parent that will voice that aloud. This guy, had no qualms with telling me about this favourite kid, and that wouldn’t be a problem if didn’t spend just as much putting down his younger son. It kind of left me reeling and wondering how his son felt if his dad didn’t hide just how much he didn’t like him as a person. The kid was four and the reason his dad didn’t like him was because he didn’t like bikes.

And so the guy was a bmx rider so he spent the rest of the time on our walk just pointing out all the tricks he could do. He didn’t ask about me, only talked about himself. It was also lunch time and assumed we would get something to eat together, but nope, no food was offered. And when I suggested to get something to drink because it was so hot and we’d been out in the sun for like an hour, he just took me to a subway and told me to get a drink and waved me to the line. No offer to join me, no offer to pay (which doesn’t bother me btw, but this was capping off a terrible day), no offer to get food.

I was so happy to get out of there. Didn’t speak to him again once I had left.

46. How many people do you follow?

I currently follow 59 people. I don’t follow anyone that creates drama, and try and follow only people that post about F1 as that’s all I use tumblr for now.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Either Sebastian Vettel or Ryan Reynolds. Both are married though, so I don’t think that’s going to turn into a reality anytime soon.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

I want someone that shares the same core values as me. Doesn’t want kids, isn’t super religious (grew up in a cult like religion so I avoid it now), is on the minimalist side and isn’t someone that needs new things things all the time or is desperate to replace something the moment they deem it out of date. Someone that doesn’t live their life on social media. Someone that prefers simple things, someone who is kind and giving, and someone that truly loves me - and it’s the last part that I struggle with finding more than anything with all the guys I have dated. 

I am currently not looking for a partner, I am not in a place for a relationship and am fully focused on myself. And I am very content with that decision.

49. Who do you text the most?

Currently my bestie.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Clear blue skies and a warm day to enjoy the sun. But there are times when I simply love the rain, hearing it on the room, watching it fall endlessly and knowing that everything will be green from it.