#some of the best people that come into work are the 90 year olds lmao

[fallstreakfeathers]

Hantengu really could get away with just about anything with me, and it's specifically because old people are adorable.

[fizzingwizard]

Randomly visited reddit and saw this:

My first thought: it's an incel pretending to be a woman, because what modern woman thinks she's spoiled milk a 30??? (Aside from also trashing her girl friends - girl, get better friends!) But their profile doesn't seem weird in any way, so, I guess there are some people out there who really somehow believe youth ends at 29. Even some who have aged past it.

It's not even true that all 30 year olds are less beautiful than they were at 20. People age in different ways at at different rates: yeah, your likelihood of getting wrinkles and gray hairs is only ever going to go up. But some people don't have their style figured out in their twenties - some people turn thirty and freaking bloom. And you can't call that a late bloomer. 40 isn't a late bloomer either! 20 is nice but it's not the heaven on earth it's cracked up to be, and 30 is just getting started.

Idk about the rest of you but you know those posts about how embarrassing it is to look back on 14? Yeah, related to those when I was 20. Now I've passed the big 3-0, and guess what - I think 20 year old me was so silly lol. So insecure, so afraid to make mistakes, so resistant to change. I enjoyed my twenties, but my early thirties have so far been way better: I'm more confident, less self-involved, and I find happiness so much more easily than I did back when I thought everything I did had to matter So Damn Much. And if you think that doesn't relate to being attractive: confidence is 90% of it. Just walk up and smile. A confident, happy person always attracts others even if they're just average-looking.

Also for people who like men, don't forget: men in their 30s usually aren't quite the energizer bunnies they were in their 20s when it comes to ~sexy times~ The 20-year-old stud who insisted he could go for a roll multiple times a day, every day, is probably much less gung ho at 30. And also more forward-thinking, and less amaaaaazed by omg boobies!!! When you're young, half the excitement is just how new everything is. It gets less intense, thank goodness. (But it's still hot!)

This post just totally rubbed me the wrong way. It read as a still young woman anxiously wringing her hands in apology for having the audacity to be single at... 30?? And apparently not trusting women to have good advice about dating at 30 (so no point in me responding to her, lol), but perfectly comfortable kissing up to incel mindsets such as "women past 25 should accept that they're sloppy seconds" etc. "Value as a partner" do you have intrinsic worth as a human being?? Yes??? Then your value does NOT degrade. Yeah, you might have gray hair, the horror, so unsexy (I've had very visible grays since I was 23 and been dyeing since 26 lmao). Doesn't mean you're less hot than some 20 year old who doesn't know what she's doing. Doesn't mean it'll be at all hard to find a partner who will love you warts and all. Do you have this same expectation of men? Are you gonna start dating a 30 year old dude and then complain that he gets tired more quickly than a 20 year old would?? Is he less sexy just because he doesn't party all night and drink twice his weight without effect? Overrated overrated overrated!

My parents divorced in their 60s. My mom's got a new boyfriend who takes her dancing under the full moon. They're living their best lives way past their so-called "prime" and no, that is not rare - it's just a choice. If you view yourself as having some expiration date, you're not gonna do anything to improve your happiness once you're past it. Don't let incels or misogyny or whatever convince you your perfectly wholesome milk has gone bad, because that is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

ETA: Well, while I was working this got 150 notes, and although that's barely a drop in the bucket, it's still a lot more than my rants usually get (about 2 lol). So I just want to clarify a couple things so I stop getting comments about them.

This post was from the askmen subreddit. I left that out, feeling "reddit" was context enough, but I guess the implications may not have been obvious, especially to tumblr users who don't also use reddit. Askmen isn't a horrible place (a number of the responders pointed out why they prefer older women to younger ones), but many of its members have a pretty incel-adjacent vibe. Plus there are a number of women (real or not) who post there, many of whom have a similar brown-nosey "unlike those radical feminists, I'm a woman who knows her place" attitude.

It's fine to suggest the OP may have internalized misogyny from being abused - but it's not a given, as nothing in the post is a definite indication of abuse by itself. Big kudos for the compassion - just keep in mind that my response was about general attitudes towards dating post-twenties and not about abuse victims.

To the person who thinks a relationship of six years makes a difference somehow?: You seem to have interpreted my post as an attack on people who feel insecure about returning to dating after a breakup. But I think it's clearly nothing to do with that. Of course it is natural to have anxieties about being single after so long, but nowhere in this post was that denied or mocked. Whether you've been together one year or six, this post would always be weird - those natural anxieties don't make misogynistic mindsets about decrepit 30-year-old women any less gross. If you had decided to write a reaction to the OP's post, perhaps you would have chosen to center it on the effects of coming off a long term relationship, and I'm sure it'd be insightful. However, I am not you, and I chose to react to the attitudes around aging in relationships reflected in the post.

[stackslip]

you're inspiring me to rewatch 2003, it was my favorite between the two when i watched them but I forgot most of it in the decade since. also you're good at highlighting exactly how mangahood doesn't work. I actually watch 2003 before reading the manga and I remember thinking the ending of

it's really fucking frustrating to me that people basically closed ranks around Brotherhood as the 'real one' and dismiss 2003 as a regrettable mistake/error in the One True Canon. I've always really loved that 2003 and Brotherhood diverge it's such a unique collection of art

also I want to rewatch the two sequel movies (Milo's and conquerer of Shamballah) god I love bleak writing

i have never watched the second movie but i remember really enjoying conquerors of shamballah. granted, i was like, 14 then lol. there was a lot that i didn't catch in fma 2003's themes at the time, but same as you, i watched it before i read the manga (and i finished the manga before watching brotherhood) and i remember even then i was disappointed by some of its aspects. then in my early 20s i was like well manga/brotherhood is better bc it's better executed (as like. a mid shounen lmao) and bc it has greedling (i do still love greedling, if only bc i looove body sharing as a trope), but i still thought 2003 had lots of good aspects and couldn't understand how people went from "fullmetal alchemist is one of the best animes ever" to "fma 2003 was a mistake and all bad and stupid actually and its female characters suck compared to mangahood which has MUCH better female characters" (i was thoroughly unimpressed by fma's base female characters. loved mei and lan fan but come on they were hardly given so much depth). not to mention how disappointed the manga version of the homonculi were. like i remember when sloth in the manga was first introduced being SO disappointed.

in retrospect, i think mangahood's status as The Best Animanga Of All Time when even at the time i liked it most i found it..... decent to good at best, and quite overrated, has made me sour on it quite a lot. like it felt impossible to talk about anything i disliked about it bc despite having such a highly praised status, people get irrationally angry and defensive over any criticism of the manga or brotherhood's themes and story. they'll either claim its depiction of genocide and fascism is really good, or when you criticize it they'll go "well it's a shounen, why are you criticizing it for being a shounen!" (i think shounen can do and engage with these themes thoughtfully! and i think if you're gonna use these themes and depict genocide so viscerally you got a duty to do it right to the end or at least TRY to do so). it's when i started rewatching clips of 2003 and being really impressed by the clips, and how much they held up if not actually blew brotherhood out of the water. and it's also my own maturing in terms of politics and understanding of fiction that made me even more open to what 2003 was doing even though i remembered it did fail in some aspects! like, i don't think as a 14 year old i much understood the nazi thing, and as a young adult i was like "eh that was a bit weird" but it's in the past few years in my criticizing of what brotherhood and the manga fuck up that i suddenly realized "oh. 2003 was actually saying the quiet part out loud instead of using this as an aesthetic for its world!"

i was unsure how much 2003 would hold up on a rewatch tbh, and there ARE clunky if not bad parts. making human barry the butcher a serial killer who dresses as a woman to get his victims is............ a choice. it's very typical 90s/2000s transmisogyny and even though it's only one episode it left a real bitter taste in my mouth. the anime filler episodes are not nearly as strong as the main plot episodes (even when they have anime-only content!), though i appreciate the effort to make them thematically relevant to the series and make many of the anime-only characters direct parallels to ed and al. they clearly saved the animation budget for important parts, and it suffers in some episodes (i am fine with that, i watched lots of mid 2000s anime who had the same issue. not everyone can use its budget allocation and limitations like rgu). i don't like the end of the one episode where the tomboy kid suddenly becomes feminine at the end bc she's happy now lmao.

but from episode 1, it's already so much more committed to some of the themes and ideas that harakawa evoked as flavour or background but barely dug into. she was making a fun action shounen with a large, lovable cast, and that's..... fine. it's just not interesting to me, at least outside of greedling's whole thing. it's got SUCH a melancholy feeling to it, it feels like it's digging into the literal guts of arakawa's world and characters. i also actually really appreciate that while it keeps touches of humor, it wayyyyy tones down the gags that are there every four pages or so--arakawa can make it work in the manga, but in brotherhood it's near unbearable how you can't one one serious scene without someone doing something goofy.

i will say, a little thing that i REALLY in 2003 like that's pretty personal is the way the alchemical circles are drawn and used. this might sound weird, but the way i learned about fma's existence was when i was i think 9-10 years old and bought a french anime magazine, and it had a whole part on fma 2003 including a two page spreader detailing the alchemical circles and their uses. it was my first ever impression of fma and i loved the look and feeling of them. there was something occult and dark about the way they were presented in that magazine that coloured my experiences when i watched the anime on a fan page in 244p max with terrible fansubs

[ohmygillygoshoppler]

what are.... your headcannons for Epsilon and his people?? Ad Francis too??

oooooh! OOOOOOH! FINALLY!!! MY THEORIES!!! IVE BEEN DYING TO SHARE MY THEORIES!!!

loooooooooong post lmao. Heads up-

Okay okay okay, so I had a few questions about these people when I first started watching the show a gazillion years ago; like how many more of The People are there? How do their numbers work? Are they all clones, or just the Epsilons? How do they do what they do in their universe? Who the fuck do they work for? And why are things the way they are?

I have more questions than answers, but I will say that brainstorming about it has been so much fun~ So lemme just break this down as best as I can-

I personally headcannon that only the Epsilons are cloned from each other, every other agent is someone they either recruited through traditional means, taken from childhood or from birth, or cajoled into service as a form of punishment. We all know how easy it would be to pluck a few promising young birds from some orphanage somewhere; unnoticeable, unwanted, and untraceable to the masses, an organization like The People would jump on the opportunity, I think.

Okay, now for my individual agents, I have only a few things I've actually put to pen about them. Don't you just love having blank slate character to project all of your bullshit onto? I do!

Firstly, I have Irene which i'll be real, she's my fave Green Man to draw. She's.... so pretty... To me....

Her stoicism is linked directly to her environment. When she's on the clock, she one of the most precise, cunning, cutthroat agents around. But the split second she has the okay to relax, she's relaxed.

Her detail is a saboteur, so she is the one disarming traps, disabling security systems and breaking shit up so she and her People can get their jobs done. That being said, she likes to tinker, and can make even the nastiest, most beaten up and abandoned forest can come back to life-

She is insightful, observant and sometimes even playful. She just hides it under a perpetual frown. I was also thinking she would have some affectionate feelings toward Francis, as she's known him all his life , and adored Simone. I imagine Irene and Francis are kind of like siblings with a huge age gap.

Next up, my man Io, a former Hunter who since kicks it with The People after an incident in the 90's. He, along with Epsilon and Simone worked with the Secret Scientists to create a vaccine against lycanthropy. He's been an invaluable asset to The People ever since.

Io has special knowledge on medicine and even alchemy, occasionally making passing remarks about an old colleague that could turn wood chips to gold shavings. He also has a vast knowledge in matters of supernatural sicknesses and possessions. He has a bit of a morbid fascination with it, even going as far as to try and give himself pestilences only for the sake of further research.

I think he'd be pretty neutral about Francis, seeing as how it's not ease accepting some kid to be your new boss. At the same time, he knows where he is, so Io does what he can to keep their relationship strictly professional. However, in light of... recent events, he may be spending more one on one time with his fellow agents; more so than he's used to. We might learn more about him later...

And now WOOOOOOO, GRANDPAAA!!! LETS GOOOOOO!!!!! No, but for real, Agent Rohan is the oldest agent here, pushing 65, and he's still out here taking orders from Epsilon and making moves with The People, all the while fighting vampires, befriending warewolves, tricking the fae and dealing with alien incursions of every sort. He's up there in "Spooky Levels of Competence" with Simone and Grandpa Max, like, this man has seen some shit.

Rohan likes hunting, fishing, shooting, and camping out in the middle or asscrack nowhere. You know, old man stuff. He's the good kind of Boomer, ya know?

And he's still just a chill Old Man who just wants to retire to a secluded cabin in the woods with his Dog (not a dog, not a dog-) and live out his sunset years like a regular American man.

Fuck you, I know Agent Mccabe divorced his ass (they were never married lmao) but sometimes when they're together it feels like nothing's changed. Then they look into each other's eyes and remember how they've hurt each other oh fuck-

Epsilon is an extremely reserved and extremely stifled man, so much so that he stifles everyone around him. He believes that order and routine are the ways to maintain a safe and normal lifestyle, and so many times he is proven right. So much so he allowed himself to be tricked into letting his dearest friend leave for outer space.

He is a, "By any means necessary," type of man to a fault. Ruthless, calculating, and by any sense of the word, the Perfect Agent. Nothing phases him, it seems. However, there is something there, a reason he instills instant obedience and zero hesitation, and I think we can all find that out... together....

Here cooooomes the boyyy~ 💖✨✨ my boy, my baby; Francis.

Hahahaaaa, this one thing soooo highly of himself, hahahahaa~~ Ohhh, thats so cute. I love him for that. I will break him. He will know humility.

You know what happens when someone with no moral compass is thrown into the most fucked up situation? They find that compass, and they fucking use it. The boy must learn, and there wasn't enough time in the show to teach him. Now's my chance-

Speaking of, his Foolhardy Father taught him that thinking for himself was the wrong thing to do, and after Morrigan, he has to start thinking out of the box because there was never a protocol for this...

Also..... I know the fact he's a clone hurts him, like, we saw that shit in The Unblinking Eye, fuckin he hates following Epsilon's orders but what the fuck else is he gonna do? What else is there, this is what he was made for, right? He seems like the perfect guy for a character arc, and it kills me that he didn't get one.

I want him to learn to be his own person. Kinda want em all to figure out what their lives are, since they could all be butchered at any moment and only their killers would mourn them.

Speaking of Killers....

Miss Morrigan Monroe

"Whaaaaat?!?!" I heard you gawking, "Your Evil Bitch™ is with The People?!?! How???" And I'll give you the diss-

next post, this bitch is already so long. But just know, she knew the OG Epsilon and they fucking DO NOT VIBE.

She is hundreds of years old, has profound beef, and the shits on site, so sorry Epsilon. That's what you get for the sins of your father, Get fucked, I guess.

I know she's bad, but she's meant to be vapid, petty, recalcitrant, repugnant and deranged, mean and clever and scary beyond all reason- You know, the perfect woman, lmao. (I dont AT ALL condone the shit shes done or is gonna do but like, its gonna be nasty 😈😈😈😈)

[cosmama]

theories and questions with summer: this began as a joke post but turned into a rare moment where i share the inner workings of my thoughts on SM canon / theories in regard to my portrayal ( occasionally throughout this i will refer to princess serenity, usagi, and akari as a unit by calling them the 'moon trinity'. it's easier than typing their names out each time ). enjoy.

sometimes when i'm making verses i think: 'should i just make akari a normal person?' because everyone might not know her or she might seem like a 'lot' but then i remember that:

her power level is crazy. even when masquerading as a child and in her iconic 15 seconds of screen time. but she's part of the moon trinity so the trait of being silly and stupid is inherent apparently.

she just has...time travel powers over other people? she casually explains the galaxy's ultimate power to a bunch of 12 year olds before being like, 'okay go home now' and just teleports them back to their time lmao

her identity and source of power is still discussed/debated to this day.*although between updated manga translations, the movies, and the musical, her identity is pretty clear(tm) to me and i think most of the fandom has generally accepted she is some form of us/agi. but i respect people continuing to have their theories too.

cosmos not being in the 90s anime was viewed as such a major absence that they named the new stars arc adaption after her, a character that ends up having like five minutes of screentime at best, to say 'hey, she's here! we fixed it' (and while it makes searching for content for her more annoying now, i appreciate that!)

to some, she's too mystique / powerful to even need a henshin - which is a take i've seen that i do NOT agree with lol! if anything her transformation in cosmos was too short and also too similar to kakyuu / felt a tad bit recycled in places imo >.> i get why(tm) but i wanted MORE aka something like this to show her majesty - especially since her lil transformation in the movie has some subtle hints / references to usagi's ESM henshin already imo so it would've been a nice, full parallel. but i am biased. and greedy idc lol. ky/lo._ren_more.gif )

and finally: she's mother. dat's it.

okay jokes aside: usagi is the messiah of the sm universe and that viewpoint affects how i write cosmos ( and no, i'm not referring to the 90s anime specifically, although the general purpose / her being a savior is the same ).

this is a lukewarm take! however, the implications of what that means within the universe of sm itself or how that affects usagi as a person isn't really analyzed or talked about deeply in the greater fandom from what i've seen ( and i say this respectfully: most of the sm analytical content is kind of surface-level ). we have this person ascending to an ultimate holy status, becoming an immortal being with a deep, inherent knowledge of the universe and this process feels basically fated. while princess serenity's star seed is supposedly just like her mother's, there is also something...different about her despite that claim.

i think more happened in this scene but i just...can never really exactly narrow my thoughts on a proper 'what'. it doesn't 'feel' like it's just queen serenity bringing her daughter's star seed to be reborn to me. originally, i used to go back and forth on if this scene was showing the princess' birth or was after her death but it's the latter because:

in the manga, guardian cosmos theorizes that maybe the woman wanted to make a new history for the star after choosing to remain in the cauldron - which costs the queen her life as she joins the 'sea' inside of it.

the movie also has her specifically say that the queen was distraught so the implication to me on when this takes place became pretty clear.

considering the unknown nature around princess serenity's birth it just makes me go 'hmmmm'. did queen serenity come here when the princess was 'born' too? what did she know about the galaxy cauldron? something about this scene feels like an exchange - the three of them are linked together. it's reinforced by the fact that guardian cosmos makes a point to say she remembers the moment well. how much life has the cauldron seen leave and return to it? what would make this specific star seed so memorable to her? was she more directly involved in its creation?

basically what i'm saying is that it's very possible that princess serenity has two mothers: queen serenity and the galaxy cauldron itself. guardian cosmos mentions that there is a chaos seed and a guardian chaos but they've been pushed to the depths of the cauldron. the moon trinity's star seed is the 'cosmos seed'. they became a true star and was born while chaos is still desperately waiting to do the same.

but i am digressing super hard right now. let's continue!

all of this is a very long way from being a teenager who eats a lot, oversleeps, and doesn't apply herself to get good grades ( b/c i also don't actually think usagi is 'dumb' even if i jokingly say that. she's lazy and doesn't study, there's a difference ).

there's a tragedy within this too though: we have this person who deeply feeds off the connections she has with other people - for instance, a popular headcanon explaining why the princess became a senshi when they reincarnated is because of her wish to protect and fight amongst her friends. whether that's true or not, she's always doomed to outlive them all. there is also beauty in finding each other again and again - which a constant theme within SM as a series.

which i guess gets to the ultimate question that i unintentionally ended up exploring on this blog: is it right for god to live amongst us? to find love? to have a child? to find friendship in other people even when her very existence is a constant threat to them all? is that selfish? is that wrong of her? the series says no - and in my opinion, it is right. it doesn't mean life is easy for her: the stars arc has usagi confronted with the fact that her power isn't beloved or always helpful to others. there are senshi that resent her and what she stands for, blaming her for the endless conflict and misery they've been trapped in due to galaxia's obsessive desire for power.

then there's akari. she isn't that teenage girl anymore. she's not overtly bubbly or as friendly as she once was when she was younger or in the other lives between her and usagi. she's over 6,000 years old. she's depressed. she's tired. but she's trying to live again - to learn to have hope after coming so close to giving up. she is definitely more on the 'alien god' side of whatever spectrum the moon trinity exist 'on' but she's trying.

note: this may have just been some added flavor from the localization ( which is fine to me, i, mostly, support localizers / don't attack them in this house! ), but guardian cosmos refers to queen serenity specifically as a 'heavenly body' that visited her. the distinction felt notable considering she referred to the sol senshi as 'stars' just a moment prior.

ultimately, akari's 'girl failureness' results in trying to destroy all life in the galaxy rather than having bad grades. it happens!

a bit more on the moon girls and the galaxy cauldron.

in the english dub, usagi, sailor cosmos ( + chibi chibi ), and guardian cosmos are all voiced by the same VA ( and if it wasn't for - understandable - stunt casting for cosmos, it probably would've been the same for the japanese dub. although it should be noted that cosmos and guardian cosmos still do share the same va in jpn while usagi and chibi chibi are both voiced by kotono ). the connection between the three is pretty apparent. guardian cosmos is definitely sailor moon's power guardian but unlike with the other senshi and their power guardians...she's not with usagi. she seemingly remains in the galaxy cauldron at all times and may or may not be able to leave.

but cosmos is still always with sailor moon even if she doesn't physically appear by her side - her 'presence' is felt within usagi's power as a sailor senshi. we see it the most overtly with sailor cosmos though.

white is the reflection of all wavelengths and considering naoko's tendency to incorporate science into sailor moon, sailor cosmos fuku being that color is more than just an aesthetic choice. cosmos is a reflection of not just the sol senshi but every senshi. she represents them as the ultimate sailor senshi; the ideal soldier that they all aspire to be and a protector of not just earth - but the entire galaxy. this is sailor moon's future, and it is reaffirmed in an original line from the movie:

however, chaos may still be reborn. but i know sailor moon, if that happens...you will protect us once more. - guardian cosmos.

color and theming matter in the magical girl genre but especially in sailor moon. we see the direct link between akari, usagi, and guardian cosmos through the use of colors for them throughout the movie to emphasize their connection and what links them together: the galaxy cauldron.

whenever a power tied to the cosmos crystal is used ( and remember, the cosmos crystal is the sailor crystal of the cauldron itself ), it's represented specifically by a bright, iridescent color scheme - the colors on the visible light spectrum. akari is physically shown to appear this way but it's showcased whenever she uses her abilities too:

when usagi scarifies her life by using the lambda power, the ultimate power of the cosmos crystal, the same color scheming replaces her usual golden crescent mark and pink transformative ribbons:

finally, there's guardian cosmos. when she first speaks to usagi and friends inside the cauldron, she appears as nothing but light - it's in the same cosmic glow that akari and usagi have now used. when she uses her powers to teleport everyone out of the cauldron, the same color scheme that reflects 'cosmos', or the galaxy cauldron, is used here:

also guardian cosmos. guardian chaos. galaxy cauldron. GC. you're so funny naoko.

on being a mother.

there's also a theme of motherhood in the series beyond just the obvious usagi / chibiusa dynamic. while yes, the 'cosmom' thing started off as just for fun from mutuals, it's actually incredibly relevant to sailor moon thematically. in a series that is very loud and proud about putting femmes at the forefront, i would think yes: the primordial figures representing the balance of the universe, whose light and darkness is in every living thing being represented as women is intentional. so is the galaxy cauldron being a 'mother' that is the source of all life - one of the translations even refers to the sea inside of the cauldron as the 'mother lifestream' ( *i am not sure what the perfect edition translation says, haven't bought any of those yet ).

if the moon trinity is tied to galaxy cauldron by being a living personification of 'it' and its power then yes, they are, quite literally, the mothers of the universe. the most direct comparison i can give is the God to Jesus comparison - usagi even 'dies' so that everyone can start anew, including 'sinners' like galaxia ( while the manga and movie never state what happens to her, the musical makes a point to say that even galaxia was revived and got to return to her home star ). i could say more but this post is already long.

tl;dr:

somebody: why is sailor moon all about usagi :/

me: BECAUSE SHE'S LITERALLY GOD.

*also the last part is ( partially ) a joke, i agree with most of the critiques about how everyone not named usagi doesn't really getting their due in the manga. with that said, there are also fans of the series they just seem to hate and resent the main character of the series. screw them lol

[wickdcreatures]

new muse drop : spencer lockwood. muse info and weird, liminal sims 4 cas screenshots below the cut ❤️

birthday : November 17th, 1840 (scorpio) age: 183 gender : cisgender male , he/him. occupation : heir to a successful family tea company, investor species : vampire face claim : n/a atm. (so yes that does mean i used a screenshot of his sim to make that icon LMAO)

✨✨ tldr ; he was born Harrison Lockwood, was mugged and turned one night. Instead of rejecting him, his family took him in and took care of him to the best of their abilities. But soon he was the last one of his family, inheriting the whole family business and estate. He hired a frontman for the business that could pass for his dad, changing his name in the 90’s to Spencer to fit in a little more. He throws ragers at his house because he's lonely and he misses his big ass, loud family :((( ✨✨

Born with the name “Harrison Lockwood”, Spencer grew up in the lap of luxury, silver spoon in his mouth, never wanting. The youngest of six, he was often the one overlooked, but not out of any maliciousness — his mother did her best to raise him and his siblings, and where she couldn't, the help certainly tried their best. Spencer never minded too much — he liked the freedom — and despite everything he grew to be a well rounded, if not a bit rebellious young man. 

But that rebellion landed him in trouble. A man of his standing, of his dress — pockets bursting with money — surely he knew he was a target to those unsavory types, right? He was attacked — mauled, even — left a bloody mess, crumpled in a cold, dreary ally, and as he stared up at the cloudy, starless sky, he realized with horror death wasn’t going to greet him tonight. Instead, he was pulled back to life by something far more violent. 

When he returned home the next day, his family took him up into their arms and cried. He was colder now, as if those flagstones that he lay bleeding on the night before sapped all his warmth. Not a wound was to be seen — for he was changed. 

The cravings were hard to handle at first, but money grants a work around for most of everything. Despite the change, his family loved him, they cared for him and kept him safe. The rumors that began to circulate about him did nothing but boost tea sales. 

As the years went on, he watched his family grow old, his siblings having families of their own, but he stayed the same, stuck in time, feeling more like an outlier than ever. Finality isn’t something he has to worry about anymore, but he watched his family slowly come to terms with it, meeting their conclusions by illness or by natural causes. The Lockwood family’s numbers dwindled year by year, until one year, all that was left was him — the massive manor once bustling with life now sits lifeless. He had wished his family would haunt the halls at least, but there was nothing.

As the years progressed, he was desperate to fit in — fashion has always been an interest of his, the culture of people that appear his age — in the 90’s, the name “Harrison” was finally shed, replaced with Spencer. A new man for a new age. 

He hired a spokesperson for the company, one believably aged with just enough resemblance to appear like his father. Large parties are thrown at any occasion, just to bring some life back to those halls once again.

and as promised, weird liminal sims 4 cas screenshots of the madlad!

haha. this victorian vampire is an eboy that uses tiktok and vapes

[73647e]

hey it's piano anon here to rant about life 😔 (it is all piano related though)

Just my brain short circuited lmao it's actually been more than 10 years I've been doing piano.

I hate playing piano so much I honestly can't imagine how you enjoy it. I mean, it's good you enjoy it, but it's been constant misery for me for as long as I can remember. When I was little I would fight with my parents about it nearly every day and now I force myself to practice but I hate it so much. Pretty much the only reason I can force myself is that I got permission to practice in a local church, so it's a way to get out of the house.

I have to be good at it because I'm pressured into doing the exams every year and I have to pass them. But I would be way better if I actually liked playing. I'm basically "bare minimum for my level" good but I'm in level 9 now :/ (I know that means nothing lol since there's so many different level systems but. trust me on this one)

My teacher is. complicated. She's the best teacher in the area but she's not good at being nice to her students lol. She would routinely make me cry until I stopped being capable of crying (which. 😬😬). I still want to cry tho

My older brother picked piano to learn when he was little and when I was old enough to have basic motor skills my mom signed me up too. Notice: my brother got to pick, I did not. My parents like to laugh how they had to bribe 3-year-old me to sit down and practice but basically that they forced me to play it because it's my mom's favorite instrument and also my brother picked it.

My brother is actually really good. Because he loves it. When he was 10 and I was 8 he played Wedding Day at Troldhaugen (and won international prizes for it) and I remember mostly being secretly upset about it because I wanted to be able to play it (and feeling really bad about being kind of jealous). (Whenever I hear that piece even now I nearly have a heart attack.) I tried so hard to like piano so many times over the years, but I just hate playing it. I've got nothing against other people playing it, I like quite a lot of piano music (except the overplayed ones lmao, I hate fur elise).

And like obviously the worst parts are learning new stuff and practicing but I hate performing too. I'm shaking the whole time and have to think about not only the million different things to play well but also like my facial expressions and stuff and like all the examiners and my teacher say i'm very Musical but piano does Not come naturally to me. I've improved at sight reading lately but my brain works in melodies, not chords and two separate hands and stuff. And I can't just learn how to make my brain work like that.

When I was 9 we played recorder at school. It's usually kind of an infamous childhood experience but I LOVED it. Long story short I was really good at it and loved it and since then I've badly wanted to play a woodwind. Flute specifically. But my mom makes fun of (pretty viciously) literally every other musician. Strings, because it's "squeaky". Brass, because it's "goofy". Drums, because she thinks they have dumb jobs. etc, etc. She's like that about everything though. I used to do piano competitions (my brother still does) and like everyone is a piano player there but 90% of the kids there are asian (we're not) and she's extremely racist about it and i'm just there trying to be grateful that at least she's not saying stuff like that in english.

Last year I tried to learn guitar. At zero cost to my parents. I found some pretty good free online lessons and used my dad's old guitar. Which was absolutely huge on me. I had to bend over it weirdly to reach the strings and it was so big on me it was hard to stretch my fingers to the chords lol. I tried to hide what I was doing but it's kind of hard to hide a whole large guitar. My dad was fine with it initially but my mom got really mad at me for wasting time and that I should be focusing on school and stuff and then my dad got mad at me too. I haven't touched it since.

If my parents would actually support it I'd definitely ask to try flute since I've wanted to for the last 4 years BUT not only would they probably not let me, if it didn't go well they would never let me do anything again and constantly use it against me. Also they would probably make me drop piano to do it (which yes i hate it buuuut I love music and piano is all I have since they also made me stop the singing lessons I was allowed to take for like 1 month and I've also been doing it forever so I'm kind of scared to lose it. if that makes sense.)

(disclaimer by the way. I am aware my writing tone in this whole thing is awful but I'm too tired to go edit it I'm so sorry )

hey piano anon!

from what you’ve said, you’re an amazing pianist and i am thoroughly impressed. i don’t perform or have fancy levels to categorize my playing, i just play for myself most of the time, and that’s enough.

but from what you’ve said, i don’t think you hate piano, but that you hate the environment in which you were raised with piano. first off, your mom kinda sucks, ngl. like i don’t like her. any parent that tells their kid that their hobby or experimentation (like your guitar playing, keep it up btw!) is useless, futile, a waste of time etc., just sucks all around. not to mention the stuff you said about the racism. rancid! but i think the competitive and rigid environment that you grew up in with your brother is the reason why you don’t like piano. from what you’ve told me anon, these issues run deeper than, “i hate piano”, and i would advise doing some reflecting and getting some psychiatric help if it’s available. it’s nice to talk to someone about stuff like this rather than deflecting it with not like piano.

as for your other musical forays, i say keep them up to the best of your ability! keep practicing that guitar, and maybe even ask your dad for help with it if it’s possible! i actually play flute as well, so i was pleasantly surprised to see that you’re attached to that specific woodwind! being a flutist is the music world equivalent of being a horse girl, and it’s absolutely wonderful. i’ve been playing flute since 5th grade, and out of all the instruments i know, it’s been the easiest to master once you get a feel for the technique. perhaps your church has someone who knows how to play and wouldn’t mind showing you some stuff?

anyway, keep everything musical up! always! music is one of the ways that people are able to stay sane, and it saddens me whenever someone violently doesn’t like one aspect of it, for whatever reason. take care anon! and you’re welcome to talk about piano with me literally anytime!

[stealanity]

I just read ur Jay ff and :( I teared up cuz I hate that ur feeling this way, and I've been feeling horrible too, in fact I spent all of Sunday crying cuz school and life are stressing me out and making me want to quit everything. I just want u to know u aren't alone and we love you so much! And I absolutely love ur work!! I respect you if u need a break, just know we're here for u, care for u, and love u <3

Even tho it's hard and we feel like giving up, I know it will be worth it in the end to push through life. We never know what good is coming our way, so let's not throw our life away and miss the chances coming for us.

Also I learned today in class that like 90% of people say they're happiest in their 70's, so let's at least try to get to that point of our lives! It made me have more hope for the future and my life, and I hope that it will help u too

Again, I love you and a care about you<3 even tho we might not know eo irl, i just know you are an amazing person and there is so much goodness and greatness awaiting you if you just try. I'm always here to talk, I'm really busy but seriously I will drop anything for you if you need me to. Please don't hesitate to reach out, we can talk about anything you want. I can be a great listener, give advice, or just talk, seriously anything you need :(

the two doggies are just :( so cute i can't, it's us

gosh, thank you so much for your words? i don't really know what to say, except that im extremely touched by your attention, every word you said is now deep in my heart :( i'm really sorry you feel so bad too, no one deserves to feel like that. it's horrible because, even though you want to get better, sometimes you just can't? i'm at that point now, except that it's pushing me to the bottom and i feel like i'll never get to the surface again lmao

i know im not alone, and i will never thank all the people around me (including you) to be there for me and to do everything possible to comfort me and help me in this bad phase, my sister even decided to stay close to me most of the time so that i don't do anything stupid, but now i feel guilty for using all her time :'( but yes, you're right, life is worth living and i don't want to waste all the years i have left to live with the people i love and value. and even if i don't live for myself, i can still live for others and make them as happy as possible <3

i'll keep this anecdote in a corner of my head, and will think about it every time i feel like i'm losing it, it's a bit cute in a way, as a philosophy, can't wait to be old.. :D let's try to get there together, shall we?

again, thank you so much for everything, i love you a lot lot lot and i hope you know that you can count on me for anything and everything, i have the reputation of being a good listener, so don't hesitate to pop in my dms if you need anything. you're so kind and sweet.. i know that you deserve all the best things in the world and what life can offer you, you're a living angel, i envy the people around you, they're so lucky to have you, and i hope they take good care of you ! and if you ever feel like the world is turning its back on you, i will always be there, no matter what happen, i will always be there for you, and that's a promise i can keep 🤞🏻

also, i can't take a break from writing.. i mean, writing is my escape, i know i can express anything i want with words, so i want to keep this little piece of paradise that is writing for me, even if i feel like i'm writing just some shitty things actually. plus, i've been on a blank page for far too long, i have to get back to it now, or everything i've worked so hard to build here will be for nothing <\3

[crazy-hand-official]

omg sorry for being late with these two so im just combining them!! ive been overwhelmed at work it sucks hell no

but anyways i was tagged by the lovely @cherixrosa twice!! :) the first was to shuffle the top songs in your spotify wrapped playlist (or in this case my apple music replay) and list the first ten that come up!

1. Ain’ It Fun (live) - Rocket From the Tombs

2. Swimming Pool - Marie Madeleine

3. Pet Grief - The Radio Dept.

4. Daisy - Ashnikko

5. No Dark Things - Echo and the Bunnymen

6. Bololo Hahaha - MC Bin Laden

7. Get in Line - Barenaked Ladies

8. Feeling Good - Chrissy Zebby Tembo

9. Animal Farm- The Kinks

10. Come Together- Primal Scream

sounds about right for my year! second tag was to answer some fun questions about myself :)

nicknames: casey, kas, crazy hand, tusk doglips, verucca vulgaris, miss catherine / nurse catherine, and i know i have one more but i cant think of it aw man

sign: libra

last thing i googled: toxoplasma gondii...... i usually have more exciting stuff going on in my mind sorry folks

song stuck in my head: since writing that list of 10 songs “get in line” by BNL is playing in a loop. my brother was one of the top barenaked ladies listeners in the united states on spotify. my parents had new wave mix CDs and barenaked ladies playing nonstop when i was little and it’s the soundtrack to my childhood.

number of followers: like 10 mutuals and 54 sexy, sexy porn bots

amount of sleep: it depends. i get between 0-48 depending on what the hell is going on

lucky number: the hackers would love to hack into my bank account now wouldnt they...

dream job: i have my dream job right now which is being a psych nurse :) also does anyone remember that plug and play game from the early aughts ‘dream life?’ lmao

wearing: kuromi pajamas because i am tired from the absolutely draining night of work i just had and should rest but i still want to read and blog and journal and kiss all my pets :(

movies that summarize me: god i hate saying this because of the toxic vibes it gives off but girl interrupted just maybe in a clinical sense. but i dont even like that movie anyway. idk i dont watch movies uh..... crybaby and gummo for my vibe especially when i write. grey gardens is the best fitting movie of all though.

books that summarize me: and i don’t want to live this life, the bell jar, uhh not sure really what else.

favorite song: closing time — hole

favorite instrument: that old grimy keyboard from the 90s that my siblings and i would push the demo button of and pretend to play

aesthetic: cockette, new wave, post punk, trash dirt and grime. sanrio and cigarettes. baker miller pink. punk adjacent.

favorite author: my best friend and i

favorite animal noise: mourning doves. crooOO... hooo...hooo...hooo.......

random: my rats smell like burnt popcorn. many people who own rats claim they smell like popcorn and we dont know why

tagging: anyone who wants to man it’s your life dont you forget caught in the crowd it never ends

[all-the-fun-of-the-cirkus]

so here's every album i heard for the first time in 2023

grace under pressure (rush) - heard signals last year and loved it, so i thought i'd finally cracked rush. i have not cracked rush. it's the last two albums again, only not as good. best song - afterimage

the bends (radiohead) - i do not like 90s alt-rock, so i am very annoyed at how good this is. can't remember half the songs but as an album it works surprisingly well. best song - street spirit. or my iron lung if i'm in the mood

ok computer (radiohead) - a very good album! not enough classics to be the best album of all time!!!1!! i've come to see radiohead as possibly my favourite second-tier band; lots of great songs, not enough genuine genius. although the climbing up the walls/no surprises/lucky run of tracks is almost enough to convince me otherwise, bc this works really well as a cohesive album. the cacophony of fitter happier, electioneering and cutw makes no surprises sound like the most beautiful song on earth. best song - one of that run. probably lucky

king of limbs (radiohead) - three good songs on side two sandwiched within a load of dull noise. everything else off here sounds better live anyway; bloom in concert is just jawdropping, but this version's just enh. best song - give up the ghost

moon-shaped pool (look i was having a moment) - typical radiohead. lovely atmosphere, nothing offensive, just not enough great songs. best song - ful stop, although i'm warming to present tense

peter gabriel 1 (guess) - turns out sometimes you can just fuck around with no idea what you're doing and accidentally stumble into a pretty good album. best song - moribund the burgermeister (also best title)

hard promises (tom petty) - every petty album is three or four bangers and a load of enjoyable filler. best song - the waiting

a song for all seasons (renaissance) - perfectly listenable, and i haven't felt the desire to listen to anything off it since. best song - title track

the construkction of light (king crimson) - blah. self-ripoffs, monotonous, lifeless. get heavy construkction instead, everything from here comes to life and you get the best songs off thrak and some cool improvs too. best song - prozakc blues (yeah fuck you it's great)

transgender dysphoria blues (against me!) - shut up, i'm a cliche. pop punk is very much not my sort of thing, and most of this didn't leave as much of an impression as it has on a lot of people i know. one or two tracks did hurt, though. and the one-two punch of paralytic states and black me out is a nice way to round things out, i love black me out as a defiant "no things WILL get better if i have to fuck someone up to do it" closer. best song - true trans soul rebel

interview (gentle giant) - if anyone else listened to albums by against me! and gentle giant this year i'll be astonished lmao. anyway not the unlistenable trainwreck or complex masterwork people proclaim it to be, it actually feels kind of throwaway. all of the songs are okay (well, not convinced on timing or design) but together they don't quite work. best song - i lost my head, which absolutely rules

the missing piece (gentle giant) - this, however, absolutely warrants its reputation. best song - memories of old days

giant for a day! (gentle giant) - it's good! yeah, i said it! shame the only people who hear it are prog nerds, bc it's cheesy and dumb, and the lyrics are atrocious, but it's a solid pop album. best song - thank you (my version of the album has single edits as bonus tracks that shave a minute off this and words from the wise, and i think it's to both their benefits)

ode to quetzalcoatl (dave bixby) - it's fascinating how much more interesting hardcore christian folk becomes when you realise the singer's trying to convince himself just as much as he is the listener. an excellent, moody listen, although it's not something i'm gonna stick on regularly. best song - lonely faces i guess? it's not really an individual track album

i'm in your mind fuzz (king gizzard & the wizard lizard) - oddly disappointing. monotonous, barely enough ideas to fill out a regular song, let alone a 12 minute suite (i'm in your mind sounds great, cool riff, nice groove, and then it just... doesn't stop. it just keeps going). at times it brings out the sort of kitschy flaming lips quirkiness, when it becomes a bit more enjoyable, but it's fleeting. not impressed. best song - satan speeds up, i guess (can't count the opener as its own song, that'd be like saying my favourite track from wish you were here was shine on part 1 or something), although i do enjoy the intentional banality of her and i's song portion

fox confessor brings the flood (neko case) - at time of writing i've just listened to this for the first time. i'm going to have to listen to it a great deal more. sheer poetry, absolutely outstanding lyrics, evocative, cryptic, emotional, always compelling. the actual songs live up to them, too, and the arrangements! always interesting, spicy dissonance thrown in regularly, frenetic background playing that didn't have to be there but really enriches the songs... i'm going to have to digest this more. best song - margaret vs pauline

i'm not counting the gazillion king crimson live albums i listened to (guess who found the starless boxset going cheap!!!) or we'll be here all day. suffice to say chicago 2017 rules, mainz 1974 rules just as much and the night watch/amsterdam 1973 makes crimson sound like the greatest band in the world for eighty minutes (the other four minutes is lament)

[spidercookie18]

I'm having a crisis. And im going to talk about wanting to die.

Know first that no matter how scary this post may be, I've moved past seriously attempting to unalive. I promise I have a support group, and this is not anything like that.

It is 5 a.m. when I started writing this. I woke up crying, and now im worried I'm gonna be having an existential crisis for the next few days til I can get my head on straight.

I. Am.... turning 24 in less than 3 months. And I am freaking the fuck out about it. I woke up with my ears ringing in pain, my joints aching, and my stomach and head killing me. Yes, I did it to myself, but that's not the point.

I realized, now that I am going to be.... living past my 'expiration date', that I have to live inside this body. And to live inside this body is painful.

Now that my life plans don't stop at 24, I don't know what to do.

For the longest time, it was: who cares if - - - -, I'll be dead at 24.

And now, that's not the case.

Now, I have people in my life who love me, and that would not survive hearing I died. I've never had that before, and I've never had people to live for before. It's terrifying.

This is both the best and the worst feeling in the world... to know that I get to live for them and that I'm not allowed to die.

Now that my plans include growing old, which is such a WEIRD fucking thought for me. I mean fuck, I've tried to die and begged for death for so many years. I can still feel the pain of my kidneys shutting down, and now I take daily vitamins to stay 'healthy'????

FUCK

No one ever talks about how FUCKING ODD life is after ';'

They just tell you.... fuck, they don't tell you. People have always avoided talking about this. They just talk about how 'greateful they are to be alive' and all the bullshit about how great life is!

And it is, but it's also, it is terrifying. I go to work and talk and smile to people in passing glances. I have a regular, schmegular life, and in the back of my mind when having a conversation about something so insignificant like "do you like pineapple on your pizza?" While I'm thinking about how I thought about walking into traffic that morning.

YES I DO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA, AND I CAN EAT WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT NOW BECAUSE ME AND MY BODY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!

...I'm looking at all the scars on my body and... idk man, I don't hate them anymore, but I wish I had been kinder to myself. When I think about making new ones I just have some water and a granola bar instead.

Such a stupid fucking internal dialog too 'hey you wanna do something bad to your body?' "Nah, lets have a snack instead" lmao

And 90% of the time, it actually works!

I love my support group, and I know I stress them out. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say they were loved. I mean, my friends are flying into town for my "congrats on beating your record for consecutive days alive" birthday party 😂 and ik its gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, but its not for them. I like living for me.

Anyways... Now that my plans include growing old, I have to take care of my body. And I'm so fucking excited to grow old that I can't even express it in words. I get to live and watch my friends live. I can have a family and make it as big as I want, fill it with all the love and kindness the world never showed me. I want that. And I am so excited to experience the days as they come. I'm ready to be the kindness for others that no one was for me.

I still think about it all the time. And sometimes, it's really hard to push those thoughts away. Some days, it still feels like I'm drowning. Some days, I think how easy it'd have been if the thoughts had won.

And other days, I get to smile at strangers, or have a yummy drink, or feel the warm Sun on my skin in the cool autumn breeze, or eat sushi, or gossip with someone that loves me. Hell, even getting to write the damn stupid vampire fanfics is a good day for living, lol.

I am so excited to help other people live, too...

But also, fuck. Now I have to take care of myself??? It's not just "dang, i got tenitus?" *shrugs in suicide*

GAH

But also, yay. Lol.

Life is so fucking weird man. But it's good to be alive. 🩷

[sortasirius]

I mean ok y’all wanted more, you don’t have to tell me twice lmao

Part 1 here

So Billy knocks on Steve’s door right? And he’s nervous as hell, he’s in the nicest neighborhood in town and he’s here to see Steve Harrington of all people. Steve Harrington, who invited him to his house.

Steve Harrington, who Billy is like 90% sure was actually flirting with him at the pool today.

So here he is, tank top over his swim trunks, trying very hard not to be nervous as he rings the doorbell and watches a distorted figure ripple across the glass.

When Steve opens the door, Billy is half expecting him to ask what he’s doing there and laugh in his face.

It had happened once in California, when Billy was fifteen.

He’d met a guy a couple years older than him at the kind of place that a fifteen year old definitely shouldn’t be. But he’d been nice, he’d held his hand in the dark and kissed him without being too drunk, so when he’d invited Billy back to his apartment the next day, he’d accepted without a second thought, only to be laughed at on the doorstep.

“What the fuck are you doing here, kid?”

“I thought-”

“C’mon, get the fuck outta here.”

But Steve doesn’t laugh at him, just smiles in that soft way that Billy isn’t quite used to and stands back to let him pass.

“Thanks for coming,” he says, not quite looking at Billy when he shuts the door.

“Couldn’t let you drown, could I?” he tries for his patented snark, trying to pretend like he isn’t out of his mind with nerves.

Steve has quite the house, as it turns out, but there’s an emptiness there, a sort of echo that only comes from the unloved and unlived in.

“Pool’s through here.” Steve says quietly, leading the way down the wide hallway, opening up to a spacious living room and a view of the pool, whose lights reflect on the walls.

“Nice. Nicer than the one I work at. Only the best for King Steve, huh?”

Steve laughs, moving forward towards the open doors leading outside. He shucks his shirt as he walks, and Billy does the same, looking at the muscles rippling under Steve’s back with wide eyes.

He’s always had a staring problem when it came to Steve. In school, especially on the basketball court, Billy had never been able to take his eyes off of him. It was probably why the coaches had paired them up together, since Billy wouldn’t pay attention to anyone that wasn’t Steve when they were on the court.

So having Steve here, just a few feet in front of him, and not looking at him like he’s the worst person in the world…it made Billy’s heart beat wildly in his chest.

“Alright lifeguard,” Steve turns to face him, and there’s a smile on his face, “Make sure I don’t drown.”

And with that, he dives into the pool.

Billy settles on the side of the pool, feet dangling in the cool water, and continues to stare at him shamelessly in the low light. He stares at the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the turn of his mouth, the way he cuts through the water easily.

He isn’t lying, he is a good swimmer, and can swim the length of the pool twice before coming up for air, pushing his hair out of his face.

“I thought you were going to guard my life?” Steve teases, swimming up next to him, and Billy wonders fleetingly if he’s maybe taken a blow on the head and is dreaming this whole thing.

“You don’t look like you’re drowning to me.”

“I could fake drown.”

Billy feels himself grinning.

“And why would you do that, princess?”

“To get you in here.”

Yeah, he’s definitely in some kind of coma or something.

“If you wanted me to come in you’d just have to ask,” he slides into the water with a soft splash, submerged up to his chest.

Steve wades his way towards him, disturbing the water so it ripples around them. Billy feels like he’s moving through quicksand, like he’s trapped in one of those dreams where he’s running but not actually moving.

Water clings to Steve’s skin like diamonds, glittering in the fluorescent light of the pool.

He’s way too close.

He’s. Way. Too. Close.

Then, Billy is given a face full of water.

“What the fuck?” he splutters, shaking his head to get the water out of his eyes. He blinks, and sees Steve laughing at him.

He knows, realistically, that Steve is already wet, that he’s not doing anything by splashing him back, but he can’t resist, scooping the water with a sweeping motion and just drenches him, laughing almost maniacally as Steve spout a jet out of his mouth at him.

He really isn’t sure how it happens. Even later, after the fact, he couldn’t tell you how they went from splashing each other to where they were now.

But Billy feels his back hit the stone side of the pool, and Steve Harrington is too close to him again, so close that he could count the freckles on his nose and the crinkles around his eyes.

He’s breathless, and he’s staring at Billy the way Billy has always stared at him.

Billy is frozen where he stands, chest deep in chlorine scented water, turned ghostly pale by the light of the pool, and standing less than an inch from Steve, who’s looking at his mouth again, just like he had done earlier in the day.

They meet in the middle, and Billy’s pretty sure he’s never had a kiss like this.

Steve is immediately insistent, pressing him firmly against the wall of the pool, so the stone scratches at his bare back, but Billy doesn’t mind. He could be sitting in boiling water and wouldn’t fucking care, as long as he was kissing Steve and Steve was kissing him right back.

They break apart after a minute or so, both breathing like they’ve run a marathon and still staring at each other. Billy wants to bask in the glow of Steve’s gaze forever.

“God damn,” Billy pulls him back toward him, refusing to let things get awkward, because he’s waited long enough for this, thank you very much, “Always knew you’d be a helluva kisser, Harrington.”

Steve laughs again, and let’s Billy run his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t roll his eyes or shrug him off, but leans into his touch, so they’re all pressed together in the water, and Steve kisses him again, feather light.

“Thanks for not letting me drown,” he whispers, pressing his forehead into Billy’s shoulder, and Billy clutches him tighter, as tight as he can, like that day on the court when he grabbed his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white and his hands shook.

“You can count on me, pretty boy.”

And he means it, he really does.

[honestlywtf04]

i'm bored so here are a few of my favorite books/authors on wattpad (vinnie books)

-HEAVENLYHACKER

"frenemies" two people that supposedly hate each other but fuck often

-fairylust-

"the strength of our scars" omg- this book... it got me going through heartbreak but i love it

physicxl

"stepbrother" i may or may not have read this multiple times. but the smut- woowee

111cmiugl

"dark red" it's an imagines book. but the ideas, the plots, the stories, everything about this is perfection

thirsttrapkingvinnie

"single dad" it's rare to find a good book like this. i'm obsessed. i'm scared for the future chapters tho😭

they have an imagines book, almost 100 stories. so read them!

sorryboii

"our little secret" we all know that no strings attached never works right? VERY UNDERRATED

biggestfuxingmistake

"eunoia" the way this book was so well written. the slowburn, the character development, the tears, the happy moments, the yelling, the murder. literally everything about this book is complete perfection.

"forelsket" they meet online and eventually fall in love.

this has to be my favorite vinniehacker book.

iheartsantana

"alone again" read this if you wanna fucking cry your heart out. that's all i have to say.

BANGMEALREADY

"wonder" i don't remember much but i do remember it being very funny and enjoyable

"outrun" married vinnie! instagram comments are hilarious

bluebayou

"insouciance" *chef's kiss* one of my favs, if you love asshole vinnie then here ya go. and if you don't, i'm 90% sure you'll still enjoy

NORMALGIRLSTAN

"i'm a fool for you" not a TON of drama but extremely funny. a fight may occur 👀

"six thirty" the ending is very clever and i was like 'ohhhhh i get it' it's also very funny.

xarmax16

"streets" very unique book. the ending has me sobbing tho🙁

lazywritesxo

"falling" i don't remember much of this one.

"falling: part two" i love this, very underrated. short but sweet.

"it's only you" ughh slow burn. ending gmfu. literal tears

failedcumstain

"roomates" ENEMIES TO LOVERS WOOO!!

"penpals" they anonymously send each other's later (because of school) and they eventually meet but not everything goes smoothly.

"moments" the drama... yes

cybercums

"talk 2 u" i read this last year and all i remember was this book giving me euphoria but not as dramatic vibes yk. honestly i don't remember lmao

vhackah

"strawberries and cigarettes" sorta enemies to lovers but the drama this book has is so fucking good

vinnieshair

"traitor" based on olivia's song. we love a main character that don't spend months crying over a man.

-poisonedhearts

"teen parents" he gets her pregnant while being in a relationship dun Dun DUNNNN

"flawless" i don't remember much but i remember her going on a date with deji i think 🤷🏽‍♀️

-voidtay

"pinky promise" were they better off as best friends? hmmmmm??

she also has another book called "sober" but i haven't read it.

-NEEDYBABY

"come back home" exes reunite, but will old feelings emerge or will some... people get in the way?

"favorite crime" sadness. pure sadness

vinniesthong

imagines book. the smut. the smut. THE SMUT. THE FREAKING SMUT.

NORTHERNGIRLS

"switched" the drama keeps me on my toes. this kinda has virgin vinnie but he's not a virgin, just inexperienced and it's not sub!vinnie. he's very much the opposite.

444ubrey-

"best you ever had" three part book. i have a love-hate relationship with this book. it's a REALLY good book. but sometimes i get annoyed by the reader's mindset and her choices. and this book made me hate vinnie to the point where i won't give him a chance anymore (in this book).

harryxbible

"two of us"

"when we met"

both of these books don't a whole lot of drama but they are both really cute. the second one has more drama than the first. i read the first book when i want to feel good.

honeyluhvs

"butterfly effect" best friends to lovers!!!

"dear vinnie" this book is sad and cute. it's about his gf passing away (main character) and he finds her diary and reads it.

"heaven sent you to me" read it. just read it.

"broken pieces" this book is kinda like dear vinnie but it's where vinnie meets a girl that reminds him of his late girlfriend.

Elisabethhhh_

"the diary" she has a crush on a boy. and writes some not innocent stuff about him on her diary. her crush's friend comes across the diary. (vinnie isn't the crush hehe) there is a lot of stuff that happens so buckle up when you read.

"the diary: second book" she has a kid. after his huge mistake, he comes back to her life. but things never go as planned.

UZiLUVSMAiA

"unknown id" funny? yup. drama? immaculate. sad? yes. plot? definitely.

reeboking

"psychedelic" this book left me hurtinggggg.

"tainted love" vinnie is a bully. literally

slut4riddles

"bruises" boxer!vinnie. she doesn't know that he's known worldwide, which intrigued him.

vinnieswhcre

"psychopath" they meet in jail. this person HAS THE AUDACITY TO NOT UPDATE FOR MONTHS AND LEAVING US WITH A CLIFFHANGER

mendessi

"the ring" her dad gets hired to train vinnie for the battle of the platforms oooooooooo.

SIKEASTRO

"little league" if you play sports. then this is the book for you. enemies to lovers trope. asshole vinnie is in this. and the author adds references from movies she watches😭

there are so many more authors and books. the talent people have is insane.

the fact that i wrote all of this but don't have motivation to finish the stories in my drafts LMAO

no these aren't the only books i enjoyed. there are so many more

[cali-holland]

An Irregular Romance ★ Harrison Osterfield One Shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield X Reader

Summary: Over five years ago, Harrison followed his heart (a.k.a. you) to drama school, and the day he asked you out was the day he discovered you had a boyfriend. He thought that part of his past was behind him, but then he was cast as Leo in The Irregulars and you were cast as Bea. Romance and shenanigans ensue as he tries to navigate the resurrection of his crush on you.

Word Count: 10k

Warnings: spoilers for The Irregulars, swearing, drinking (reader gets v drunk at one point), cheating boyfriend + “open relationship” drama

Masterlist in bio

*Gif is not mine

A/N: inspired by harrison literally saying he followed the girl he liked to drama school but she didn’t like him back; the drama school is the brit school (idk if that’s what he was talking about but age wise it works better); also darci is 18+ in this fic bc it just fits better to make her around their age; plus i had to re-post this bc the tags didn’t work so rip

also just like to say a massive thank you to @duskholland​​ for proofreading this for me :) you’re the best! this fic would be missing 90% of its commas if it wasn’t for you lmao

❁❁❁❁❁

Harrison had been buzzing with excitement all week. While he knew for sure that he had landed the role of Prince Leo in The Irregulars, he had no idea who the other cast members were. His agent learned from Netflix that they’d announce the cast on Saturday, so now here he sat, anxiously awaiting the news as he drank another pint with his good friends.

“Anything yet?” Tuwaine asked, refreshing his Twitter timeline.

“Nope.” Harrison said with a shake of his head as Netflix’s Instagram page remained unchanged as another minute went by.

“Maybe they’re announcing it at midnight.” Tom shrugged, trying to be useful to ease his friend’s nerves.

“Everyone would be asleep.” The blond replied before taking another long drink of his beer.

“Well, congratulations whenever they officially announce it.” Harry stated, standing up with his empty glass. “Next round’s on me.”

The conversation began to wander off, and Harrison found himself deep in thought, pondering his mysterious, new castmates. Would he like them? Would they like him? Were they big names or no names? Were they people he had screen-tested with (because, truthfully, he only screen-tested with a few girls, but even then, he didn’t screen test with all of the potential actresses)? As he got stuck, trying to think of someone he’d actually liked when they screen-tested together, he was snapped out of his thoughts by Tom yelling.

“It’s up!” Tom held his phone in the middle of the table as he, Harrison, Tuwaine, and Harry, who was now back with more beer, looked over the cast. A sense of pride soared through the group at Harrison’s picture and name being on the official Netflix page for The Irregulars. Harrison read over the other names, wondering if he knew any by happenstance. Just as he recognized one name in particular, Tom spoke up.

“Y/N Y/L/N? Isn’t that the girl you fancied in drama school?” Tom asked with a smirk. His smirk seemed to widen as Harrison blushed a deeper shade of red.

“No, no, no!” Harrison grumbled, taking out his phone to look over the post for himself because maybe, if he looked from his own account, the cast would magically change. When he looked at your name and picture right beside his, realization hit him. He slumped over, putting his head down on the table regretfully.

“I’d nearly forgotten about Haz’s girl that wasn’t his girl.” Tuwaine joked.

“Wait, what girl?” Harry questioned, out of the loop.

Perhaps the stupidest but best choice Harrison had ever made in his life was following you, his biggest crush, to drama school. Why his mother even let him chase after a girl like that was beyond him; he thought she should’ve advised him against it, but with the whole “follow your heart” attitude, his mum was his biggest supporter. He did his best to impress you, to get you to notice him, but you were unfazed by him. The day that he finally got the courage to ask you out was the day that he learned you’d had a boyfriend for the past two months.

Though he didn’t get the girl in drama school, he actually enjoyed it, and look where he ended up now— a new Netflix show was on the horizon for him. Despite the fact that he was (and still sort of is) crushed and embarrassed by the fact that you (very kindly) rejected him five years ago, drama school turned out to be a blessing.

“Harrison, here,” Tom laughed as he clapped his friend’s shoulder as Harrison still didn’t lift his head from his pitiful position, “thought he’d pursue acting because Y/N wanted to be an actress. He didn’t realize that in order to get her attention, he’d have to actually talk to her.”

That was enough to make Harrison lift his head, eyeing his friend questioningly. Cutting Tom off, he defended himself, “What do you mean? I did talk to her.”

“Right— you’d have maybe one conversation with her every three weeks.” Tom turned back to his brother, “Anyway, Haz finally asked her out and, turns out, she’d been dating this other guy for months.”

“Whatever. I only asked her out because you and Tuwaine shoved me into her. Maybe she doesn’t even remember me.” Harrison pulled out his phone to check over Netflix’s Instagram, wanting to see for himself the new cast again. When he opened the app, it notified him of all the new followers he had gotten, and, with one glance at the list of names, one account stood out to him.

‘@yourusername started following you’. Harrison let out a sigh, not wanting to dwell on this any further.

“She works fast.” Harry teased, looking over the blond’s shoulder.

“We’re co-stars now. She probably followed everyone else too.”

As if on cue, a new notification came through his Instagram— ‘@yourusername sent you a message’. With bated breath, he opened it to see the message that confirmed his worst fear— you remembered him.

‘Hey stranger! How have you been?’

❁❁❁❁❁

With every passing day, Harrison’s excitement for this new big project grew… but so did his dread about seeing you again. He wasn’t entirely sure now as to why his gut was filled with butterflies mixed with anxiety just thinking about you. You were only ever nice to him, both before and after he asked you out. It all led him back to the same conclusion that he still had a thing for you, but yet again, maybe it’s just life that your first real crush always has some power over you.

As he walked down the strangely long hallway to the conference room, he adjusted the collar of his letterman’s jacket. Today was the big day— the first table read for The Irregulars, and the first day he’d be confronted by you after all these years. Just on the other side of this door, his co-stars and the main production crew were waiting. Everything was real now; production would start in just a few days.

With one last nervous breath, he pushed open the heavy oak door and entered the room. People were chatting as they sat around the large conference table, which had small name cards at each seat. Harrison’s eyes found you almost immediately. You were locked into a conversation with your co-star, Darci, seated to your left for the table read. To your right was one of the last available seats, and Harrison’s name was on the little card on the table. All hopes of being unnoticed by you were instantaneously gone as he took his seat beside you.

“Fancy seeing you here.” You said to Harrison with a laugh, and he was instantly reminded of how that laugh basically drove him to where he was today.

“How long has it been?” Harrison asked, trying to play it cool like he hadn’t been rehearsing this day in his mind for the past several months.

“Far too long.” You smiled.

As the last few people trickled into the room, introductions flew around the table as everyone met their new coworkers. After a cold read-through of the script and a few words from the show’s creator, the table read was deemed over. Just when Harrison thought he was free to forget about your existence for a few more days, you pulled him aside.

“Hey, Darci and I were going to get drinks with McKell and Jojo. You should come.” You offered, and Harrison chanced a glance across the room to where Darci was chatting with your other two main co-stars.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Harrison replied. He cleared his throat before giving you a definite nod that yes, that’d be a great idea.

“Perfect.”

And just like that, the five of you made your way across town to a pub. Darci had chosen the spot, explaining that it was the best place for drinks in Liverpool, and, seeing as she’d lived there her whole life, none of you tried to argue with her.

Harrison felt a strange pit in his stomach as everyone talked and laughed over some beers, as if you weren’t all strangers a few hours ago. His eyes always seemed to land on you and your contagious smile. You looked almost exactly how he remembered you, and you still were the same happy, go-lucky girl he’d fallen hard for. It was crazy to him how quickly you gave him butterflies, how effortlessly you made him feel like a silly schoolboy all over again. He couldn’t help but wonder if you thought he’d changed since his school days, too… or if you even thought about him enough to notice. So far, you’d made no indication that he was anyone besides an old friend from drama school, making him hope you didn’t remember that dreadful day.

As you and Darci excused yourself for a bathroom break, Harrison gave himself a little reminder that he was meant to be getting to know all of his co-stars right now and wasn’t meant to be focusing so intently on you. He took another sip of his beer, turning back to Jojo and McKell.

“So how do you and Y/N know each other?” McKell asked, and Jojo tried to hide his shit-eating grin behind his beer.

“Drama school, a few years ago.” Harrison replied, trying to play ignorant.

“Ah, so it’s a schoolboy crush, then?” Jojo questioned teasingly.

Harrison felt his face heat up. Jojo and McKell were practically strangers to him, and they already knew. He was cornered, “Is it that obvious?”

“A little.” McKell said while Jojo simultaneously replied, “Very.”

“Just ask her out.” Jojo encouraged.

“That’s the problem— I did.” Harrison replied, and both of their jaws dropped.

“No way. Did she let you down easy at least?” McKell’s voice was somewhere between a disbelieving, teasing, and pitiful tone.

Harrison scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “Well, yeah? I mean she wasn’t rude about it, but it was still a bit awkward. She was dating this other guy at the time. He didn’t go to our school, though, so I had no clue about him.”

“That’s rough.” Jojo grimaced, before he gave Harrison a hopeful smile, “Maybe she’s single now.”

“I’ve been rejected by Y/N once— I don’t need her to reject me a second time.” He shook his head with a small laugh to conceal his embarrassment. He took a drink of his beer, hoping that would calm his nerves a little.

“Incoming,” McKell said quietly, nodding in the direction of the bathroom.

“What’d we miss?” Darci asked as she slipped back into her seat. You remained standing to put your jacket on, both you and Darci completely unaware of the boys’ conversation.

“Nothing, just Jojo being an idiot.” McKell joked, to which his newfound friend just punched him in the arm, taking another long drink of his beer.

“I think I might head back to the hotel.” Your words were met with a collective groan from three of your co-stars— Harrison silently frowned as he sipped on his beer.

As your head was down to collect your things, Jojo swiftly kicked Harrison under the table. Harrison looked at him quizzically, sending him a “what the hell was that for” look. When his co-star just nodded his head encouragingly towards you, Harrison got the idea.

“I’ll walk you.” Harrison said, making you look over at him. Standing up from his seat, he insisted, “I was just about to head out, too.”

“Okay,” You smiled, still completely unaware of his interaction with Jojo.

After you all exchanged phone numbers and created a group chat lovingly titled “The Irregz”, you and Harrison left the pub. You fell in step together, walking along the sidewalk in the chilly Liverpool air back to the hotel that you’d all be staying at for the next few months.

“So what have you been up to since graduation?” Harrison asked you, his hands deep in the pockets of his letterman’s jacket.

“All sorts of things, really.” You shrugged with a smile, “I got a few TV roles here and there, did some modeling, but so far none of it has really stuck, so I’m hopeful that this will be a foot in the door. What about you?”

“The same as you, really, but, instead of shows, I’ve done some short films.”

“I see you’re still best friends with Tom.” You said in a teasing tone. Harrison felt an unusual, upsetting tug on his heartstring. Not noticing any change in his demeanor, you continued with a laugh, “It’s funny. I would’ve placed my bets on you being world-famous after graduation.”

“Me?” He questioned, surprised by your words.

“Yeah, you didn’t go to LAMDA for nothing.” You playfully nudged his arm with your elbow, and he felt his cheeks heat up once more. “Don’t be modest— I’m not wrong.”

“Can’t argue with that logic.” A laugh passed his lips, any previous bashful reservations slowly fading away.

Before Harrison could say anything further, your phone began to ring. You fished it out of your pocket and barely looked at the caller ID before sending it to voicemail. Your actions were fast, but Harrison still caught the name of who was calling, Davey, followed by a red heart emoji. And that’s when it hit him— you were still with the same boyfriend from drama school, all those years ago.

And just like that, Harrison felt a tsunami wave of heartbreak from drama school wash over him.

“Hey, Y/N!” Harrison called out as he stumbled his way over to stall you from leaving school. He had one hand holding onto his book bag strap tight enough that his knuckles were turning white, and he shuffled his other through his hair.

“Hey, is everything alright?” You asked, concerned at how nervous he seemed.

“Yeah, um, well, tonight’s opening night for West Side Story, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? I know it’s your favorite play, and it’s one of mine too, so, yeah, I thought maybe we could go together?” He was sure that he’d never sounded so unsure of himself. Truth is, he didn’t want to ask you out right now, but Tom and Tuwaine had quite literally shoved him in your direction, physically encouraging him. He felt rushed and unprepared.

When you smiled so captivatingly and softly at him, he felt his racing heart speed up even more. Was this it? Was he really going to take you on a date? He thought to himself. His hopes weren’t up for long as you spoke up, “I can’t. I’ve already got tickets for tonight. I’m going with Davey.”

“Davey?”

“My boyfriend.” You replied, a hint of guilt in your voice.

His heart shattered. The only reason he was here, at this school, was because of you, and now he just had all of his hopes for any future dates with you thrown out the window.

“You and Davey are still together?” Harrison wondered aloud as you two arrived at the hotel.

“Yeah,” Your response was hesitant and quiet. He knew why— there was that elephant in the room between the two of you.

Before he could stop himself from mentioning it, he blurted out, “You don’t have to feel guilty about it, you know.”

You paused, watching unsure as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “I kinda wonder what would’ve happened if I had said yes. Davey and I didn’t even end up seeing  West Side Story, anyway, so I wonder if you and I would’ve ended up any differently.”

It wasn’t much, but his heart sped up ever so slightly— so you had thought about him, even in the dating context. Harrison couldn’t think of a response (his brain repeated “fuck Davey, ask her out again”) fast enough as you stopped at the front desk. You mumbled something about needing some towels, and Harrison took that as his cue to just continue walking. He bid you a quick farewell, wanting to escape to his room as fast as possible.

Nothing you had said tonight had been particularly flirty, but he still rewound the events in his head because maybe he missed something. As he laid down in his bed that night, his mind drifted off with thoughts of you, wondering just how he’d manage to pull off these next few months without falling for you all over again.

Over the next several weeks, his predicament only seemed to grow. Spending so much time with you (and your other three co-stars) just made Harrison wish even more that he’d asked you out sooner in drama school, and having to spend most of his screen time gawking over you added to it further. Maybe it was another school boy crush, or maybe it was intense method acting— either way, he definitely liked you.

Ever since he read the script for episode four, he knew that eventually your two characters would become romantically involved. He would’ve felt giddy over the thought (because his eighteen-year-old self would’ve died at this opportunity), but whenever he thought of the scene, he was reminded about your boyfriend. Harrison wasn’t the type of guy to hate his crush’s boyfriend, but something just didn’t seem right about Davey.

Harrison was lying on his hotel bed, reading over the episode’s script for what must have been the fifth time through that afternoon. It was Sunday, the day before you’d both film Leo and Bea’s kiss. With a beer on his side table and an array of highlighters beside it, he was set. As the words started to run together, and his glasses began to feel uncomfortable on his nose, he heard a knock at his door.

“Coming!” Harrison called out. Setting his script aside, he rolled off the bed. He was confused at who could possibly be at his door, but, figuring it was someone from set, he had the decency to slip on a white t-shirt, opting for not answering the door in nothing but grey sweats. He was thankful for his last-minute decision as he opened the door and was met with you on his doorstep. Smiling at you and leaning on the doorframe, he let out a small, “Hey.”

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to rehearse tomorrow’s scene.” You offered with a friendly smile on your face.

“Right now?” He asked, glancing back into his room to decipher if it was clean enough or not.

“Oh, is this a bad time?” You replied, subconsciously stepping back. “Is someone here?”

“What?” Harrison looked at you, confused before it clicked what you thought, “Oh, no, no. There’s no one here. I was just rehearsing, too.”

“So is that a yes then or-?” You trailed off.

“Yeah, come on in.” He opened his door fully, allowing you to step in. He chivalrously closed the door behind you. “Would you like water or anything?”

“Can I have a beer?” You asked, spotting the one on his nightstand.

“Sure.” Harrison nodded. While he got you a beer and grabbed his own half-consumed bottle and script, you settled on the couch with your pages in hand.

“Thank you.” You smiled as he handed you the beer, and you took a sip happily. “You know, I’m honestly so jealous of you this week.”

“Why?” He asked with a laugh, thrown off guard by your confession.

“You get to do all the palace scenes again.”

“I also throw myself off a balcony.”

“But still.” You insisted. “Leo really needs to sneak Bea into the palace just so I can have one of those extravagant ball dress scenes. I just want to feel like a princess, and I feel like it’s what Bea deserves.”

Harrison looked at you admiringly for a moment. “You are a princess.” His face dropped as soon as he realized he’d said his thoughts aloud. Coughing, he tried to cover it up, “I mean—- you were kind of princess-like in episode 3, right?”

“Smooth.” You laughed, but didn’t press the situation. Your phone began to ring, and Harrison watched as you rolled your eyes, declining the call and ultimately silencing your phone.

“Spam call?”

“More like clingy non-committal somewhat boyfriend.” You stated, rolling your eyes.

He furrowed his eyebrows, confused. You hadn’t mentioned Davey in the past few weeks— not that Harrison was complaining, but he just assumed you were private about your personal life. “I thought you and Davey were on good terms?”

“We are? I don’t know.” You sighed, taking a sip of your beer.

“If you’re not comfortable with the topic, we can just rehearse-”

“No, it’s fine. I just haven’t really talked about it with anyone. Before I came here, he asked about having an open relationship while I’m away, and I told him no. And the last time we talked, we got into an argument and that was a couple days ago. I’m not ready to talk to him, and at this point, I’d much rather talk to you than him. It’s very frustrating that he wants to have an open relationship, but he still expects me to be at his beck and call. It’s like he’s looking for someone to substitute me, but I can’t have a life of my own. He wasn’t the most supportive of me taking this job in the first place, too.” You paused, with a small shrug, “I know you’re probably thinking I should leave him, but I can’t. We’ve been together for 5 years. I don’t know anything else at this point.”

“I get it.” Harrison said softly, hesitantly resting a comforting hand on your knee. “He was your first love. It makes sense that it’s hard to move on.” He felt his own heart sink at his ironic words. After all, you were his first love.

“I wouldn’t say he’s my first love.” You said softly, placing your hand on his, squeezing it gently. “Plus, at this point, I wouldn’t even say I love him.”

A silence fell in the room. Harrison really didn’t know what to say now. He would have told you to leave him, but you already knew that, so what was the point in him repeating it? Besides, it was your relationship, and you needed to make the decision for yourself… or let Davey make it for you.

“Let’s go through the scene, yeah?” You asked, changing the topic. You dropped his hand to pick up your script again.

“Right.” Harrison mumbled to himself, flicking through the pages to the scene.

You glanced around his hotel suite for a moment, looking for something similar to a bridge rail to lean on. “Should we use the kitchen counter? As the bridge rail?”

“Yeah, that works.” He nodded. The two of you got up, scripts in hand. Harrison stood to your right, just as the stage direction had called for. There was some space between the two of you, enough room for Harrison to shuffle closer to you later, as scripted.

“You’re not on your own, Beatrice. You must remember that.” Harrison said to you, leaning on the counter but looking over to you with his icy blue eyes. “You’re very different to anyone I’ve ever met.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking at him curiously.

“You have something about you.” He started, awkwardly.

You cut him off, “Like a smell?”

“No, like a quality.” He chuckled softly before continuing, “I don’t know what it is, but I really like it.”

“Well, when you think of it, let me know.”

“I’ll be sure to.” He smiled at you, his confidence slowly building as the scene continued on. Harrison stepped closer to you until he was right beside you, leaning sideways on the counter. “And I’m not saying you don’t smell, by the way. I’m just saying that that’s not the thing.”

You laughed, turning your head away from him in disbelief. “You know, I was thinking of kissing you, but now I’m not gonna.”

Harrison paused, taking a moment to mentally hype himself up for what was about to happen, but also taking a moment because it was scripted for Leo to be nervous. “Well, uh, I suppose I have to kiss you then.”

You turned to him, smiling coyly. Slowly, Harrison closed his eyes and leaned in. His heart started racing faster as he felt your breath fan against his face before his lips finally found yours. It was gentle and hesitant, everything that it had been scripted to be. As much as he wanted to keep kissing you and keep tasting the sweet strawberries of your lipgloss, it had to end. He pulled away after a moment, and you seemed almost breathless as you opened your eyes to see him again.

“I meant it when I said you’re not on your own.” Harrison looked at you with more hesitancy this time, but he still kissed you with the softest passion. The script said that Leo and Bea kiss and continue to kiss for a few seconds; Harrison wasn’t counting, but he was sure this kiss was longer than it was meant to be. Again, he found himself dreading its inevitable end. If there was one thing he could do for the rest of his life, it’d be this… well, this amongst other things with you. His stomach started to stir with guilt as he remembered Davey; you were still technically in a relationship, open or not, arguing currently or not. But then it clicked with Harrison, you weren’t pulling away— no, you were fully kissing him back.

Before he could pull away and end the scene with his last few lines, a knock came from his door. Regretfully, he stepped away from you. He didn’t meet your eye as he went to answer the door while you read over the script on the counter. Flustered, he opened the door.

“Mum! You’re here.” Harrison’s eyes went wide, surprised to see his mother and his sister standing before him.

“Surprise!” She smiled, hugging him almost immediately. “We had to come and see you at your big job.”

“Are you not happy to see us?” Charlotte teased, and Harrison shook his head, pulling her in for a hug. As they all stepped into Harrison’s apartment, you waved from the kitchen.

“Hi.” You smiled, coming over to introduce yourself.

“Oh, mum, Charlotte, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mum and Charlotte, my sister.” Harrison introduced the three of you.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N from drama school?” Phil said with a smile, making the connection as you shook her hand. Charlotte seemed to stifle a laugh as Harrison’s cheeks heated up.

“Yes, that sounds like me.” You laughed, brushing off any awkwardness that Harrison feared was there. “We were just rehearsing our scene for tomorrow.”

“Maybe we can come to set.” Phil suggested, sending Harrison an expectant look.

“I’ll have to ask. This is so, so last-minute, though, so I don’t know.” He replied.

“It’s a spontaneous weekend trip.” Charlotte clarified.

“We should get some dinner. We haven’t eaten much all day.” Phil told Harrison before turning to you, “Y/N, you should come, too. It’d be so lovely to get to know you.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” You trailed off, glancing at Harrison. He sent you a silent look that said ‘she seriously does want you to come… If you don’t come, I won’t hear the end of it’. “I’d love to. I just need to go change first.”

You grabbed your script off the counter, and Harrison walked you to the door. “How long do you need?”

“Like 10 minutes?” You replied, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were coming, or that they’d invite you to dinner.” He said quietly, making you laugh.

“It’s fine, but I do have to warn you, if my parents spontaneously drop by, they don’t know who you are.” You teased.

He let out an embarrassed groan, “Let’s not talk about that.”

“See you in ten.” You sent him a wink before leaving to your own hotel room. As Harrison closed the door and turned back around, he was met with the smirking faces of his mother and sister.

“So, is there anything you want to tell us?” Phil asked.

“We were rehearsing. That’s all.” Harrison insisted, going through the wardrobe to find some clothes to change into for dinner.

“Huh,” Charlotte trailed off, crossing her arms. “So, you wearing sparkly lip gloss that matches Y/N’s is a coincidence?”

“It’s a kiss scene tomorrow. We rehearsed the lines and the kisses, too.” He explained. With a pair of jeans, a clean shirt, and his red letterman jacket in hand, he made his way to the bathroom.

“Oh, multiple kisses.” She teased, making him roll his eyes.

“She has a boyfriend!” Harrison ended the conversation, closing the door to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, you returned back to Harrison’s room, and the four of you left, making your way to an Italian restaurant nearby. You and Harrison shared anecdotes about filming so far, keeping spoilers to a minimum until the server came with your food.

“We got in so much trouble from the makeup and hair department.” You laughed as Harrison finished telling them of how you two went on the playground last week, much to the chagrin of the crew.

“It was worth it.” He added.

“Who would’ve known you’d play a Netflix prince?” Charlotte asked teasingly, but it was clear she was still proud of his achievements.

“Look at that face. He couldn’t play anything but a prince.” You joked, and he smiled smugly.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He stated.

“Phil, I have to say, I’ve never met someone more well suited to play a well-mannered prince.” You told her, playfully pinching Harrison’s cheek beside you.

“I remember when there was a time he was revolted at the idea of playing a prince.” Phil said, her lips growing into a smirk, and Harrison knew exactly what that meant.

“Mum, no—“ He started, but you just shushed him, wanting to hear whatever embarrassing story was about to be told.

“He watched a single Batman movie growing up— and not even a good one at that, and decided he simply had to be Batman.” She explained. “Then the Christopher Nolan ones came out, and there was no stopping him.”

“Every kid wants to be a superhero, and Batman is simply the best one.” He said as if it was obvious.

“I didn’t know you had a Batman phase.” You teased.

“Phase? He still has posters and comic books and dolls.” Charlotte added.

“Action figures.” He corrected her, making you laugh at the humor of it all.

“You know, honestly, I think I still have Catwoman action figures.” You admitted, trying to make him feel better, and Phil’s eyes lit up as she remembered another story.

“I cleaned your room a couple weeks ago, Harrison, and I was surprised to see you still Anne Hathaway as Catwoman posters.”

“Do we really have to talk about that? Does this torture not end?” He groaned.

“Fine. That’s enough for tonight.” Phil let out a defeated sigh, clearly enjoying herself.

“Y/N, if you want the really embarrassing stories, you’ve got to talk to Tom. He’s told me embarrassing Harrison stories that I can’t say in front of mum.” Charlotte laughed, and Harrison’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head at his sister’s words.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You smiled coyly.

“Sometimes, I wonder if he forgets that I know just as much embarrassing shit that he did growing up, too.” Harrison stated, shaking his head.

The night went on with minimal embarrassment on Harrison’s end. After Phil and Charlotte went back to their hotel, you and Harrison started the walk back to your own hotel. As you walked, your hands would brush against each other’s every so often, but neither of you made any move to take it further.

“Darci’s going to be so jealous in the morning.” You said, making him laugh a little.

“Why’s that?”

“That’s her favorite restaurant in town. Plus, I just got a free meal.” You laughed. A visible shiver coursed through you as the chilly night air picked up.

“Are you cold?” Harrison asked, already taking off his letterman’s jacket.

“Thank you.” You replied, taking his offer of warmth. Your short sleeves did nothing to shield you from the cold, but he had at least been prepared enough with long sleeves. “Are you sure you won’t get chilly?”

“I’ll be fine.” He reassured you.

“I had a really nice time tonight. I’m glad your mum invited me.” You admitted happily.

“Me, too. Apart from all of the embarrassment I just went through, I enjoyed tonight.”

“I never knew you had a secret Batman fanboy side.”

“I never knew you had a secret Catwoman fangirl side.” He countered with a smile.

“Guess that means we make a good team, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess it does.”

As you smiled at him, completely content under the moonlight, he wanted nothing more than to kiss you right then, to taste the sweetness of your strawberry lip gloss again. The last bit of your walk was filled with you two arguing over Batwoman and Catwoman, two things that neither of you had ever realized you had in common before.

Harrison’s wish finally came true the next day, as you two ran through the kiss scene multiple times. It was strange at first for him, because his sister and mother were intently watching, proud to see him in action, even if it was just a kiss scene over and over again. But, with you there, he grew more and more comfortable with each take.

As a few more weeks passed by, Harrison thought that perhaps you and Davey had officially ended things, but then he heard through Darci that you had magically worked it out. Whatever magic it was, he was upset about it, and he found himself increasingly irritated at the mention of Davey.

“Ooh, we finally get to meet the Davey tonight?” Darci asked as the five of you enjoyed lunch in between shots. It had been two weeks Harrison’s mother and sister visited, and now Davey was coming, much to Harrison chagrin.

“He’s only here for two days.” You explained, taking a bite of your sandwich.

“Ah, so you’ll be very busy, then.” McKell teased, suggestively nudging your side with his elbow. You brushed off his comment with a laugh, avoiding Harrison’s eyes.

“We should get him to do that calzone challenge with us.” Jojo said to Harrison. Although Jojo and McKell had been rather supportive of Harrison’s interest in you at the beginning, they seemed to forget about it most of the time now— for which he was actually kind of grateful.

The conversation couldn’t go any further as the director came into the room, holding the script in his hands. The look on his face told all of you that something was up. He looked between you and Harrison before speaking, “Change of plans for tomorrow. Eileen isn’t feeling well, so we’ll film Bea and Leo’s scene tomorrow instead of her scenes.”

“But tomorrow was supposed to be—“ You started, but cut yourself short, realizing there was no point in arguing. Schedules, plans, things all change, and this was just part of the job. “Never mind.”

“Well, tomorrow will be interesting.” Darci said quietly, voicing what was on everybody’s minds.

The director left with a silent nod, and the room fell silent for a moment. You and Harrison wouldn’t dare to look at each other, both of you feeling awkward suddenly. Making out with Harrison multiple times, especially with your boyfriend there, was not something either of you particularly enjoyed the thought of.

Having to film no more scenes today, Harrison went back to the hotel with Jojo and McKell. He didn’t end up seeing you for the rest of the day, but he was okay with that as he wanted to go as long as he could without meeting Davey. The director had taken some pity on the two of you, asking you to come in later in the morning instead of at 6 AM like usual.

Harrison made his way down to the hotel gym, wanting to utilize his newfound free time. Normally, he’d get his daily workout in after filming, but he didn’t see a reason to not get an early start today. He didn’t expect anyone to be up this early, but as he got closer to the gym, he could hear a voice coming from inside the room, the door cracked just slightly.

“Love, I promise I’ll be back in two days.” The stranger paused before continuing, “You know I’m only here for business, nothing else.”

Curious and trying to decide if he should even enter the room, Harrison snuck a quick glance through the crack in the doorway. He felt his blood run cold as he immediately recognized the guy sitting on the weight bench. Afterall, Harrison had looked at your social media enough to recognize your olive-skinned boyfriend, Davey.

“Bit early for you, isn’t it?” Harrison nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of your voice from down the hall. He heard Davey mumbled something on the other side of the door, probably having heard your voice too.

“Yeah, but I just figured I’d start my pull-ups early today.” He replied before opening the door for you, acting like he had no clue that Davey had been in there.

“Hello, gorgeous.” Davey said to you, completely ignoring Harrison. He stood from his spot at the weight bench to wrap his arms around your waist and kiss you possessively.

“Davey, this is Harrison, he plays Leo. Harrison, this is Davey.” You introduced the two guys.

Davey looked Harrison up and down with his dark brown eyes and seemed to stand straighter, even though the blond was inches taller. Harrison was the first to step forward and politely outstretch a hand to the raven-haired guy before him. With a tight smile, Davey shook his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Davey turned back to you, “Spot me?”

“Actually, I wanted to-” Your eyes drifted over to the treadmill as Harrison got in position to start his pull-ups at the bar. Davey looked at you expectantly, and you nodded, silently agreeing to stand there and spot Davey while he bench pressed.

Slipping on his headphones and turning on some music, Harrison began his workout. He played his music loud enough to block out your conversations with Davey. Not only was it none of his business, but god, Harrison really hated everything about him already. Hearing silence between you and Davey when his song changed, Harrison spared a glance over towards you. He was surprised when he found your eyes trained on him or, rather, trained on his abdomen that seemed to stick out from his tight white shirt. Still unaware of his eyes on you, your own eyes trailed up to his arms, watching as they flexed with each pull-up. Feeling flustered by your fixed gaze, Harrison faltered a little, and your eyes immediately darted back to Davey in front of you. Harrison couldn’t help the proud smile that ghosted his lips as he continued— you were checking him out.

Harrison finished his workout and decided to get cleaned up before heading to set in half an hour, leaving you and Davey in the gym. When he left, he was surprised that you were still spotting Davey, getting no work out in like you had planned. The whole time he was getting cleaned up (and brushing his teeth repeatedly to ensure he had good breath), he just kept picturing your staring in his head. He had worked very hard to get his body in this shape, and he was very proud of himself too, but he was even prouder that you’d clearly taken notice. If anything, it almost excited him that they’d be filming this scene today. There were a few times in this episode specifically in which Leo is shirtless, but none of those scenes had been filmed— and if this scene was going to be anything like it was scripted to be, then you’d definitely get a better show than in the hotel gym.

He didn’t see you again until the two of you were on set, in full costume and makeup. He had a loose shirt on, but underneath it, his chest had been painted with blues and purples to make convincing bruises. As he went to his mark, Leo’s makeshift bed on the floor of the cellar, Harrison spotted Davey across the set, looking bored and unhappy. His blue eyes drifted over to you next, and he refrained himself from smirking as he noticed your makeup artist applying chapstick to your lips.

While you gathered your prop lantern and the lights dimmed around you all, Harrison made himself comfortable under the ragged blankets. The director called out “Action!” and Harrison closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep as he waited for you to come into the shot. Hearing your footsteps, Harrison stirred, blinking his eyes open.

“Bea, is everything alright?” He asked, looking up at you as you stood over him.

“Let me see your body.” You said definitively.

“Beatrice—” He started, but you cut him off.

“Show me, Leo. I want to see it.” At your words, Harrison shifted slowly, moving as if in pain. He pulled the blankets down and went to roll up his shirt. “Take your top off.”

He paused, looking at you questioningly with a hint of fear in his eyes. Groaning a little, Harrison sat up and removed his shirt. He looked at you expectantly, and you set aside the lantern before kneeling on the blankets beside him. Your hand drifted over the painted bruise tentatively, ghosting over the same abs that you had been studying just hours earlier. Harrison waited for you to deliver your next line, knowing he was scripted to kiss you after it. It felt like ages that he was waiting for you, wanting nothing more than to kiss you right now. His mind went blank as your eyes found his and you leaned in to kiss him.

It was unscripted, and he was surprised, but he didn’t let his surprise stop him from immediately kissing you back. Your chapstick tasted of strawberries, just as it had the last time the two of you had a kissing scene, and he swore he was in love with the taste of it. He expected to hear the director yell cut, to hear him question why you suddenly improvised, but when nothing came, he just continued to kiss you. You pulled back, a shy smile on your face, “I don’t want you to hide your body from me anymore. It’s too nice to be hidden.”

His heart leapt as he leaned forward to catch your lips once more, this time scripted. His hands shuffled to your waist, pulling you down to lay beside him as he rolled onto his side, his chest leaning over yours. Your fingers tangled into his hair, and he savored the feeling.

You pulled back again, whispering up to him, “No more hiding.”

“No more hiding.” He reaffirmed. As he continued to kiss you, his hands sensually wandered down your back, keeping you as close to him as possible. Part of him wanted to pause the intimate scene and pinch himself, just to make sure it was really happening, but he was worried if he stopped kissing you now that he’d never get the opportunity to kiss you like this again.

“Cut!” The director called, and Harrison reluctantly pulled away from you. He could’ve sworn a small frown passed your lips as he looked down at you, not having shifted off of you yet.

“Spearmint— my favorite.” You teased quietly, as if it was only for the two of you to hear. As you laughed underneath him, Harrison couldn’t help but wonder what his younger self would think if he knew he’d one day get to make out with Y/N Y/L/N. Even if it was just for the show, it was a sight that he’d always want to remember.

“I’ve always enjoyed the taste of strawberries.” He replied softly, rolling away from you.

The director ran you two through a couple pointers for the scene, and, to Harrison’s surprise, he even suggested Bea kissing Leo first, just like you had improvised. You reasoned that you forgot your line momentarily, but something about the way you kissed Harrison made him feel like that wasn’t the case; no, it seemed like you’d truly wanted to kiss him.

After running through the scene a few more times, the director was satisfied. While you stayed behind on set to film more scenes, Harrison returned to his hotel room. Just as he was searching his toiletry bag for some much-needed chapstick, his phone began to ring with a Facetime call. Seeing Harry’s contact photo light up on his screen, he accepted and set his phone aside momentarily. He didn’t need to wonder what Harry (and most likely Tom, Tuwaine and maybe even Sam) were calling about— he had made the dire mistake of telling his easily-excited best friends about today’s scene.

“Why are we looking at your ceiling?” Harry asked almost immediately.

“I’m, uh, looking for lip balm.” Harrison admitted quietly and smiled to himself when he found some. He quickly put it on and then grabbed his phone, heading to his bed where he could comfortably talk to his friends.

As expected, his friends let out an incoherent chorus of excitement. Sam seemed to calm down enough first to ask (more like, shout through the phone), “How was it?”

“Does she really kiss with tongue? Remember Jack used to say-” Tom started, and Harrison scoffed, hearing the name of one of their old classmates who swears he had a summer fling with you once.

“I still don’t believe him, but no, not today at least.” Harrison was honestly a bit embarrassed to admit it. You were in a relationship… with a possibly cheating moron, but still. It just didn’t feel right to talk about you in that way.

“Not today? So there could be another time!” Tuwaine shouted encouragingly.

“Is she still with that prick?” Tom asked.

“Yes, but,” Harrison paused, and they all looked at him expectantly, waiting for elaboration, “I think he might be cheating on her.”

“What makes you say that?” Harry questioned. “Mate, just because you fancy her doesn’t mean her boyfriend’s a cheater.”

“No, I mean I heard him on the phone, and he said he was in Liverpool for business, not for his girlfriend.” He reasoned, “I’m just very suspicious of him.”

“You should tell her if you think he is.” Sam stated, “If he isn’t, then, oh no, you’re on bad terms with her boyfriend, who probably already hates you after today. If he is, well, she’d hate you if she finds out you kept it from her.”

Harrison let out a small sigh as the others nodded. “I don’t know. It’s not my place. Besides, she said something a few weeks about him wanting an open relationship. Maybe it’s that?”

“Okay, look, forget I asked about him.” Tom said, shaking his head, while the others looked at Harrison skeptically through the phone, “How was it to finally have your drama school dreams fulfilled?”

“Fucking heaven.” Harrison admitted with a laugh.

For the next week, Harrison resisted the urge to tell you about Davey. He wanted to, he really did, but whenever he’d finally be alone with you and mentally prepare himself for the conversation, you would always just seem so happy and content. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb your happiness, especially when it was Harrison making you happy. After Davey left, it’s like something changed within you, and Harrison had no clue what it was, but he enjoyed it.

‘You have to tell her.’ Harrison read over his most recent text from Tom again. He let out a small sigh, trying to get the courage to tell you as you sat across from him at the booth.

It was Saturday, and you two, along with Darci, Jojo, and McKell, had made your way to a club, wanting to celebrate another week down. With only two episodes left to film, you all knew your time together was starting to run low. You were all a few drinks in by now, happily buzzed. Jojo and McKell were off somewhere, probably attempting to be each other’s wingmen. Darci was telling you a story so wild that Harrison wondered if it was even true. He finished the rest of his drink and shuffled out of the booth.

“I’m going to grab another drink.” Harrison said to you two, and, without waiting for a response, he left. He made no move to flag down the bartender, leaning against an empty spot in the bar. Pulling on the collar of his blue shirt, he started to feel hot, unsure if he could handle this.

“What happened to getting another drink?” You asked him, stepping up beside him.

“Where’s Darci?” He replied, not wanting to answer your question.

“Found a friend in the crowd.” You laughed and turned to flag down the bartender. You ordered a round of shots, to Harrison’s surprise.

“Are you good?” He asked skeptically.

“Yeah,” You nodded, but with how your eyes were glazed over the alcohol and another unreadable emotion, Harrison didn’t quite believe you. Playfully, you nudged him, “I should ask you the same thing. You’re the one who’s been moping all night for god knows why.”

“I haven’t been moping.” He argued as a tray of four shots was placed in front of you two. You handed one to him and took one for yourself.

“Cheers to another week done.” You clinked your shot glass against his before both of you downed them.

As you went to grab your second shot, Harrison reached a hand and stopped you. Concerned, he asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Davey and I broke up— for good this time.” You admitted, and his hold on your wrist softened while he looked at you pitifully. “He told me when he was here that he went through with his ‘open relationship’ plan, even though I never agreed to it, so he’s been basically cheating on me since I left for this job. Then tonight, he drunkenly texts me, and I know it’s just a booty call. He’s done it for years, but now I actually see it for what it is. So now, my shitty boyfriend is gone, I’m finally single, and my only plans for tonight is to get properly drunk. Maybe even hookup with a stranger— god knows it’s been a while since I had decent sex.” Harrison was speechless, and you continued, a smile finding its way to your face at the end of your venting. “Dance with me after this shot?”

“Do I have a choice?” He asked playfully, feeling your mood lighten once more. You winked at him, handing him a full shot glass. He made a mental note to keep a close eye on you and to keep you from drinking anymore.

After you both drank back the burning liquid, you grabbed his hand and pulled him out to the dancefloor. Harrison had felt the alcohol that was flooding his system earlier, but the colored lights, pounding music, and countless bodies around him seemed to make the alcohol hit him harder. There was a weight off his shoulders, knowing you were actually single as you danced with him, and yet he still felt strange about his current state with you— were you truly into him or was he just the first guy you could drunkenly hook up with?

You turned to face him, a small frown on your face, “Haz, you’re being a bit of a killjoy.”

It was then that he realized, while you were fully grinding on his body, he was relatively motionless. Your hands found his, and you planted one on your hip and another on the small of your back, low enough though that it teetered being on your ass. You leaned in closer to him, letting him get a whiff of your perfume. While one of your hands trailed along the hem of his shirt, daring to even dip below his shirt, the other traced through his hair.

As you planted a kiss on Harrison’s neck, not caring at all for the dancing bodies around you, you heard him let out a strangled groan of your name. Your nails light scratched over the deep V in his hips, hooking onto where his jeans met the line.

“Should we get out of here?” You asked Harrison, your lips right next to his ear as your voice dripped with seduction. He felt his heart flip with intoxicating excitement before he was immediately reminded of the gravity of the situation. You went to kiss him, but he moved back quickly, stepping out of your reach. Pouting, you asked, “Do you not want me? After all this time?”

“No, I do.” Harrison insisted. “I want you, but not like this, not when you’re drunk. You’re not in the right headspace for this. I don’t want to be your drunken rebound.”

“How can you be a rebound when it’s always been you?”

Harrison sighed. Oh, how much he’d love to hear that from you— sober. He was saved from having to reply when Darci, McKell, and Jojo found you two. They looked at the two of you skeptically, but Harrison just shook his head.

“I’m going to take Y/N back to the hotel.” He said as he stepped closer to the group so that they could hear him over the music.

“We’ll come, too.” Jojo insisted, even though, with his words slurred and his eyes glazed over, he was thoroughly drunk, too.

“Where did Y/N go?” McKell asked, realizing your sudden absence.

“Oh god,” Harrison muttered, and the four of them dispersed in the crowd to find you, tripping over the other sweaty bodies. Darci found you first, unable to stop you from having a couple more shots.

“No, no, you’re done.” She argued with you. You reached for the last shot that she had taken from you, but, in your intoxicated state, you easily lost your balance. Harrison quickly wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you up.

“I don’t think she can walk.” Jojo commented.

“What gave that away?” McKell asked sarcastically.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” With a small sigh, Harrison, as the most sober of the group (though he still felt fairly tipsy), proceeded to lead you out of the club.

Darci hailed a cab for the five of you, and while it was an illegally tight fit, you all made it work. You leaned on Harrison as he was pressed right up against you. On your other side sat Jojo. You mumbled softly to Harrison, one of your hands falling onto his knee, “Do you remember that year when they put up mistletoe at school?”

“Where are you going with this?” He asked you softly.

“I saw you kiss Vivian at the one outside of the gym, and I couldn’t walk in that area for three months without thinking of you. I was so jealous of her, and you just looked like such a good kisser, which I’m happy to report you are.”

“Babes, maybe stop with the drunk talking.” Darci said, because all of you could tell this was stuff sober you would never say.

Harrison looked at you in surprise— he barely even remembered when Vivian dragged him under the mistletoe, so the fact that you remembered and were jealous? And you said he was a good kisser, too. He felt a glimmer of pride overcome him.

“Ask me tomorrow, it’s the truth.” You shuffled in your seat, laying your head against Jojo’s shoulder, “Jojo, wanna know a secret?”

“Y/N, maybe-” Darci started, but Jojo cut her off.

“No, go on, Y/N.” He laughed, wanting to hear your drunk thoughts.

“Do you think I’d make a good Catwoman?” You asked, words slurring together as you grew tired.

“Catwoman? Like Anne Hathaway?” He questioned, and you hummed a ‘yes’. “Yeah, you’d make a good Catwoman.”

“Good. Tell Haz he needs to my Batman then.” Your voice was quiet, as if it was something just meant for the two of you to hear, but your voice wasn’t nearly as soft as you had thought it was, meaning Harrison and the rest of your friends were truly aware of your little drunken secret

“Okay, I’ll tell him.” Jojo reassured you, a shit-eating grin on his face as he glanced over your head to look at the embarrassed Harrison.

The rest of the car ride was silent, and Harrison helped you out of your seat. With the help of the others, he got you safely inside your hotel room. Everyone retreated to their own rooms, except for Harrison who stayed with you. He laid you down on your bed and went searching for your pajamas, which to his luck were stowed underneath your pillow.

“Can you change or—?” Harrison asked, holding out the clothes to you

“I’ve got it, though I wouldn’t mind you helping.” You said with a wink. As you started to change out of your club clothes, Harrison turned away from you and focused on getting out some much-needed pain reliever and a glass of water for you to have in the morning. He heard you shuffle on the bed behind him before you let out a small huff, “Hazzy, can you come here?”

Hazzy— that was a new nickname. To his surprise, you were already tucked up in bed, your previously worn clothes scattered on the floor around you. He set the water and meds on your nightstand before kneeling to your level, “What’s wrong, love?”

“Do you know why Davey wasn’t my first love?” You asked quietly, your eyes beginning to droop with sleep. You reached a hand out to tentatively run your fingers over his cheek before you cupped it, smiling softly at him.

He had a hunch, but he played along anyway, wanting to hear you say it, in case he never heard it again. “Why?”

“Because you were.” Your voice was so quiet that he barely heard you, but he was so glad that he did. He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead, and you let your hand fall from his face.

“Get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

“Can you stay tonight? Please?”

“Of course, love.” Harrison stood to his full height, and when he looked at you again, you were already asleep. He softly readjusted the blankets on your bed to make sure you were warm enough, before he made his way over to the couch. Grabbing a throw blanket off the back of the couch, he settled into his bed for the night. Just like every other night lately, he drifted off thinking of you, but this time, there was an excited flutter in his heart.

The next day, Harrison woke up to you letting out a groan, loudly asking, “Why the fuck is it so bright in here?”

He slowly sat up from the couch to check on you. A smile crossed his face as you took the pain meds he’d left out and downed the glass of water. Your eyes seemed to bulge out of your head when you noticed his presence in the room. Laughing, he greeted you, “Good morning, sunshine.”

“Please tell me you miraculously don’t remember anything I said last night because I remember, and I don’t want to.” You said, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Sorry to disappoint then.” He sent you a sympathetic smile.

With a sigh, you patted the spot beside you on your bed. Wordlessly, Harrison got up from the couch and came to sit beside you on the bed. He expected you to say something, but when you were silent, seemingly caught up in your thoughts, he spoke up, “Did you mean it? When you said I was your first love?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in your reply, and you turned to finally meet his eye, “It was a very intense schoolgirl crush, hence why I hated Vivian after that mistletoe incident, but seeing you again just made me realize that it was more than just a crush. I’ve regretted saying no to you all those years ago ever since you came back into my life.”

“Well, I thought I was over my crush on you, but turns out, there are just some things time can’t change.”

A comfortable silence overfell you two again before you finally spoke up with the words that had been on your mind for weeks, “I think I’m in love with you.”

“I think I’m in love with you, too.” Harrison sealed his words by leaning in to kiss you.

With no script to follow now, he felt fireworks as you kissed him back. One of your hands drifted to the back of his neck, silently urging him to continue kissing you. His hands snaked around your waist before he shifted to lay on his back, rolling you on top of him. You deepened the kiss, your tongue finding its way into his mouth. He moaned at first, fully enjoying himself, before his lips curved into a smile, and he started to laugh against your lips.

“What’s so funny?” You asked, pulling away from his lips. His hands wandered from your hips up to where your own hands were resting on his chest, and he casually intertwined your fingers.

“It’s nothing.” He said in an attempt to play it off, but the smile on his face told you that whatever he was thinking was hilarious to him. “You remember Jack Evans? He told everyone that you were the best french kisser in school, and, well, he’s not wrong.”

You let out a scoff before giggling to yourself, “First of all, how many girls have you french kissed from drama school and should I be jealous? Second of all, Jack was an ass who couldn’t kiss for shit, but I’ll take it as a compliment that he told everyone that.” You leaned down until your lips were just barely touching, “And thirdly, do you want to keep talking about drama school, or do you want me to keep kissing you?”

“You don’t need to be jealous, but I kinda like that you are.” He replied with a cheeky smile. “And you’re right. He was an ass.”

“And for the last one?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him.

Harrison pretended to think about it for a second before he let go of your hand to cup your cheek, bringing your lips crashing back down to his.

[sakumareikun]

I'm pretty new to enstars so can I ask for some past rei with s/o headcanons? possibly make the s/o a childhood friend so they see his past and present sides lol

i love the whole concept of adding a childhood friend to rei's life because it just gets BETTER for him and i rly love rei being happy. he just gets kinda wrecked toward the end...

(tw: death/s--cide mentions in the middle part)

→ given that rei and keito were also childhood friends (to an extent) s/o would have met him. however, at some point (maybe puberty-ish age?) keito gravitated away from him and toward eichi, so that left rei with s/o more often than not. and you know what? those were some really good years they'd have with rei. i love that for both of them.

→ (they all could have had a whole fun dynamic that may or may not have involved a love triangle or other similar situations... but, while that is a fun concept, i don't know that much about keito and want to answer this ask first lmao.)

ANYWAY for actual headcanons:

→ crossroads opened with rei dragging keito around the school, jumping from the second floor to the ground floor, nearly hopping onto someone's motorcycle and just going. his s/o would be pulled into this type of daredevil stuff all the time.

→ with all the instruments rei knows... well, s/o got serenaded on more than one occasion. (i bet that's how the relationship started, actually.)

→ maybe he taught them instruments too - there's nothing nicer than his hands positioning theirs properly on the strings of a guitar or the keys on a piano, being very close, talking to them with the gentlest voice. he's patient.

→ they could expect lots of praise for whatever they do, whatever they succeed in! rei tried his best to help them get better at anything they do - he's absurdly skilled/talented at everything so of course he'd put a lot into helping his s/o improve.

→ man, there would be so many people jealous of their relationship. but rei didn't take well to anyone acting on it. or... just anyone touching s/o in a way they don't want. he was really intimidating when he got protective, so i don't think there would have been many instances of that.

→ there's a lot of refs in canon to past-rei being treated like a god, put on a pedestal, etc. that means they'd be also a god and/or his mortal lover. (how cute would hades/persephone references be?)

→ the 'learning from the past' event goes way into the details behind rei's current vampire thing: he watched the show 'vampire shogun' A Lot. as kids, s/o had to sit and watch it with him at least once for every episode. which also means he'd watch things s/o liked as well... however, i think he'd probably be talking/commenting while watching it, unless he was really absorbed (rare.)

→ rei never refused requests ever, so the 🥺 worked on him. they'd never have to worry about asking for something, because if it was a reasonable request he'd gladly indulge them! (and it still does, but i'm sure they'd have seen how worn down he got from doing that during wartime, so i'm sure they handle it carefully now.)

and now i get too into Plot again

→ another part of rei is how casually he talks about death, and very concerning/worrying when he expressed that s--cidal ideation. it was especially strong the last year and s/o would prooobably have noticed, he is their childhood friend and they know how he is, and being that i am 90% sure they'd already be dating him by that point... yeah!

... except he'd brush any concern right off. i don't think he wants them to worry about him at all and he never seemed to believe it was a problem, so i don't know how much they could really do if they tried to persuade him?

→ that said, i think he'd have tried to push them away a bit at some point? during wartime, he had very spontaneous reappearances / disappearances, was busy overseas a lot (solving stuff at other schools and looking for a cure for ritsu's condition iirc.) so i don't think he would be the one to break up with them, but there comes a point where he barely keeps in contact, can't be reached by ANYONE, so s/o has every right to call it off if they want. tbh, i think he'd expect it and already feel awful about it.

→ but! if they actually don't break up with him, or welcome him back in any capacity... then, once he's finally worn down enough to drop being past-rei, i'm sure he comes back really apologetic as vampiric-old-man-rei. probably still as loving as before. take that as you will, s/o!

→ ... and after that. well! i think p. much every writer here (from what i've seen) does a really good job on actual details/hcs about dating current rei, so i highly recommend their hcs/writing for that!

[natewrightt]

hey so like. um.

ballroom dancing with five while you’re on a mission with him, stumbling over your feet because you can’t really dance so he takes the lead, and when you get the hang of it he leans into your ear and whispers something in french -because of fucking course- and you almost trip from being flustered before he catches you.

not a request. i, am just a simp for five being a teasing asshole

Summary: things don’t exactly go as planned when you and Five are sent on a mission.

Ship: Five Hargreeves x reader

Warnings: google translate lmao

Notes: wow I just couldn’t not do this concept

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“Oh, and you’ll be working with each other for this project.”

“What?!” You and Five exclaim at the same time. The both of you probably hated each other more than this job, which is saying a lot. Never in a million years did you think that you guys would have to work together. But here the Handler was.

“You heard me correctly. Y/N has the skills that you lack so she should come with you.”

Five scoffed as you smirked at him for that, pretending to shine an apple and rubbing it on your shirt.

“Fine.”

“Great!” She sent the both of you a weird smile before handing the case file over. You were just about to open it when Five teleported in front of you and yanked it from your grasp.

“Asshole.” You muttered as Five read.

“A masquerade? What is this, the 90s?” He says sarcastically after reading it over and tossing it to you carelessly. You looked over it to see your target - Peter Smith - attending some sort of party. Wait a minute.

“I’m not dressing up all fancy just to kill someone!” You tell her, throwing the case on the floor in anger. Five rolls his eyes and teleports out of the office, leaving you and the Handler alone. You gulp as she gets up from her desk.

“You don’t want to end up like good old Sally here, do you?” She asks menacingly, pointing to a decapitated woman on the wall being hung as decoration. You shake your head before slowly backing away until you’re dashing out of the room. Damn, she was crazy.

——————————————————————————

“L/N.”

“Hargreeves.” You hiss right back at him.

“Nice dress.”

“Let’s stay professional, yeah?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Sending one last glare to each other, you both enter the mansion filled with old men and their little side chicks along with people who looked quite important. Needless to say, two 18 year olds did not look welcome in this type of setting.

“There’s our guy.” Five whispers to you, shooting a glance at Peter Smith hanging by the coffee machine looking around quite suspiciously. You nodded before the both of you made a run towards him, but was stopped when a woman who appeared to be his wife pulled him to the dance floor to slowdance. You and Five groan.

“Well, there’s only one thing we can do.”

“What?” You ask, but when he takes his hand out you immediately shake your head. “Can’t we just wait until he sits back down?”

“What? Do you not know how to dance?” He teases. You stay silent, trying to stutter out a response until he laughs quietly. “Oh my god, you don’t!”

“Shut up, Hargreeves.”

Giving up, you sigh, taking his hand and allowing him to lead you onto the dance floor. He smirks at you before putting both hands on your waist. Jesus Christ, you want to die right now. Five, however, is quite enjoying himself. Bastard.

“You just sway around, like this.” He instructs. Eventually you get the hang of it, but still visibly stumbling on your heels. The foot cramps later on would be so painful.

However, that’s not what you can think about right now with Five’s face just about an inch from yours. You can feel his hot, minty breath hitting your face. With his famous smirk not leaving, he leans in a little bit closer before speaking again.

“Je veux arracher cette robe de vous.”

You gasp, suddenly loosing control as you trip over yourself with a flustered face and start to fall backwards. Five catches you halfway, trying his best not to laugh out loud at your reaction. You scoff, pushing him off of you.

“I hate you.”

“Non tu ne le fais pas.” He whispers back before he sees Peter start to go upstairs into the hallway. Now was your chance! The both of you practically sprint to catch up with him, hiding in a corner to discuss the plan.

“Okay. I’ll distract him, you get the gun loaded.” You tell him, attempting to catch your breath. He nods and you walk up to Peter, planning out what you’re going to say.

“Excuse me?” You ask in a girlie voice, making you shudder. This was gonna be hard. He turns around, smiling at you before leaning down to get to your height level.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He answers, sending a sickingly sweet smile.

“SWEETHEART?” You exclaim, losing control and kicking him in the shins. Just as he’s about to react, Five shoots.

Once the footsteps start to get closer and closer, Five panics and grabs your arm, teleporting you outside of the building.

Maybe working with Five wasn’t so bad after all.

——————————————————————————

Je veux arracher cette robe de vous: I want to tear this dress off you

Non tu ne le fais pas: No you don’t