#some of my tags aren't working properly for some reason I'm gonna have to make new ones😥

[ryin-silverfish]

LMK and the Problem of Li Jing

If my browsing in the Nezha tag is any indication, I'm not the only one who has...opinions about the interesting writing choice in S5.

Namely, it's awkward, completely out of left field, and forced.

I am also gonna try and calmly dissect my feelings on the matter, so that it doesn't become a "me sassing Li Jing for ten pages straight" post.

See, my biggest problem isn't "Li Jing is a good/sympathetic dad instead of his more mythos-accurate portrayal".

There are adaptations that make him a good father (Nezha 2019), or at the very least, a flawed but still sympathetic figure (Legends of Nezha cartoon).

And even though FSYY and JTTW's Nezha both have their Attempted Patricide Arc as part of their backstory, when JTTW's Nezha showed up in the novel proper, he was overall more obedient towards Li Jing, so it's not completely without basis (tho crucially, JTTW's Li Jing is also terrified of him picking up the "Patricide" hobby again).

The key, however, is Show Not Tell.

See, the adaptations above are all Nezha-centered works that have plenty of screentime to show where they diverge from the original mythos, and build their takes on the father-son relationship off that new foundation.

LMK, however, doesn't have that. We don't know if either version of the Patricide Arc is true for the show, or even given Nezha's particular backstory for this setting.

We don't know if we should just assume that Nezha's backstory in either JTTW or FSYY went down the same way, or given clues as to where it differs.

All we have are the on-screen interactions, and these consist mostly of Li Jing being his typical Lawful Stupid self.

Sure, there are weak attempts at making him more sympathetic: we are told, through Nezha, that he had been "working sooooo hard" to keep everything running after taking over as basically regent of the Celestial Realm, but again, we aren't shown that properly.

All I see is this guy who...I dunno, went out to get Starbucks or something when JE was kill, then showed up after everything was over to play the loyal minister and prosecute SWK and the gang for bullshit reasons.

(Which is coincidentally very accurate to his overall role in FSYY. Except FSYY's Li Jing was anything but the most sympathetic father figure.)

And because we are given no context for their relationship, their confrontation and reconcillation also feel rushed, falling completely flat when it comes to emotional impact.

Like, if we are to assume their backstory are mythos-accurate, then the whole thing makes no sense——neither "returning your flesh and blood" or attempted patricide can be shrugged off that easily.

If we are to assume it differ from the mythos...HOW and WHERE? Does the birth from a flesh ball happen? Is Nezha destined to be the Vanguard of the Zhou Army, or just a supernaturally powerful kid who can wreck the dragon king's crystal palace three days after his birth?

If he did kill Ao Bing and not just some random dragon, was it an accident, completely justified, or FSYY-accurate? Is his suicide forced or a willing sacrifice, done to save his parents? Did Li Jing destroy his temple? If the Attempted Patricide Arc happened, how was it resolved?

Change one of these, and it will have completely different implications on the Li Jing-Nezha relationship, yet we don't get a single answer to any of these questions.

As a result, the show's version of their relationship and conflict also feels very shallow and generic, your standard "The obedient son must finally stand up and find the courage to voice his opinion to his harsh but loving father——no real anger involved, of course!"

Which is a narrative divergent enough from the mythos as to require proper explanation, instead of being left up to the audiences' imagination, and also, in my opinion, far less interesting than it could have been.

For example: instead of learning to speak his mind (like he'd ever be afraid of doing that), the high point of their conflict is Nezha realizing that he has legitimate reasons to express his anger towards Li Jing for his short-sighted, unsound and overall Lawful Stupid decisions in the here and now, without it being a continuation of their old grievances or exploding into Patricide Arc 2: Electric Boogaloo.

And for someone whose limited characterization has been nothing but an unbroken chain of putting laws and loyalty above reason and common sense, it should take something a lot harsher and undeniable than "They aren't bad guys, dad!" to convince Li Jing.

Lastly, instead of the very cliched "I'm sorry, there's so much left unsaid, I'm proud of you" line, I'd prefer something that was less blatant and, though still awkward, more in line with the rewritten conflict above: sth like "You are right to be angry at me, and I won't mind if you never stop being so."

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

A FRESH START [21]

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Warnings: description of injuries, language, spoilers for S3 The Mandalorian, death of minor original character, self defense leading to homicide, groping of reader by stranger (not described in depth)

Word Count: 10k+

Updates every Thursday

Summary: When you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child. However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous night, you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community turned out to be exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you fall more and more in love with your new life, but when your past rears its ugly head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant for everyone.

[a/n: i am so sorry this took so long i know y'all have been waiting all day for it. work was so hectic and i was so frazzled and it's been a long day hah. i know the tags at the bottom aren't all working right and i'm sorry about that but tumblr kept being a bitch and i was gonna lose my mind. speaking of taglists, i am closing AFS's taglist. anyways, hope y'all enjoy!]

#21: MADE OF THE RIGHT STUFF

.

"no one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." -c.s. lewis

.

The Armorer had been a constant in Din’s life. She was a staple piece of the covert⏤ a figure of mentor ship in his upbringing. He had always greatly admired her, and her opinion meant a lot to him. It was why hearing her call him ‘Apostate’ had stung so badly. Coming from anyone it was a blow, but having the Armorer cast him away had been devastating. Being able to come before her, prove his redemption, and have her reinstate him had been a  sweet moment. If Din were a smart man he would’ve left it at that and been on his way. However, Din was a stubborn man. A stubborn man who would not leave this rock until he got what he wanted come hell or high water.

“She is an outsider.” The Armorer spoke in Mando’a. 

“Yes, but⏤”

“An outsider that you ask me to stoke the forge for?”

Din kept his entire body still to hide his nerves. “Yes. That is what I am asking.” The Armorer did not reply further. She stayed silent, seated by the forge with her hands laid in her lap. Din spoke up again, unable to resist. “She is made of the right stuff. The virtues of a Mandalorian. She may not follow the Way, but she understands it⏤ respects it.”

“You wish to court her?” The Armorer asked and Din gave a firm nod. “Have you presented her with a token of intention?”

Din thought to the blaster he had gifted you. Typically, a token of intention would be a weapon of some kind created for the intended. However, the blaster had once been his and it did not have his signet on it. Plus, it had been given to you while he was an Apostate. It did not count. “No. I have not.”

“This forge is for beskar, and I do not make weapons⏤”

“I am not requesting a weapon.” Din said firmly. He knew beskar was for armor. It was part of the reason his spear had been melted down to create Grogu’s chainmail. Din already had a plan for his token of intention. That was of no concern to him. “I am requesting a set of bracers with my signet.”

The Armorer’s head gave a slight tilt and he wasn’t shocked by her surprise. She rose from her seat and her hands clasped behind her back as she spoke. “You have yet to present this woman with a token of intention, yet you are requesting a token of ridduurok?”

“Yes.” Din replied. He knew how it sounded. Din was not blind to the weight of his request. However, it wasn’t as if he planned to present this to you the moment he returned. He was going to take his time, court you properly, and let you control the speed at which this relationship would move. Din was a man who was sure of what he wanted though, and he knew that was you. He had known that for quite some time now. There was no one else in this galaxy for him. People were constantly referring to you as his wife, and he always corrected them, but more than anything he wanted to be in the position where he did not have to. Din wanted it to be true. “I am sure of my decision and wanted to bring this decision to you sooner rather than later.”

“And if I refuse?” The Armorer pressed.

“I…” Din swallowed the lump in his throat. His hands clenched tight as they rested on top of his thighs. “I would be disappointed, but it would not stop me. She is who I want. She is… She is who I love.”

The Armorer hummed in response and it gave him no clear picture on where the figure head stood on this decision. She made the motion for him to rise from his seat. Din pushed up and tried to hide the tension in his frame. She finally spoke, but it was only to motion to the door and speak on a different topic. “Take your boy to the training yard. We will speak again.”

Din bit back a sigh and gave a tense nod. Well, it was better than an outright no. He turned on his heel to go find Grogu. As he walked, he lifted his vambrace to try and call you. Hours earlier you hadn’t answered, but Din assumed that meant you were busy in the clinic. It happened sometimes. Just as before, the signal did not pick up on your end and his steps came to a slow pause. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his gut. You were busy. His mind was jumping to the worst case scenario, but you were probably just busy. He forced himself to keep walking. Din would try again soon.

Your ears were ringing, and you felt like you were trapped in a fog. There was a tugging on your arm. You lifted your gaze to try and find the source. Nima. It was Nima. She stood by your side, eyes wide in panic, as she screamed at you. She screamed but there was only the ringing. With a final tug, she dragged you up to your feet and the world snapped into focus.

Sirens. A siren was blaring and it mingled with the sound of explosions as fire rained down from the Corsair in the sky. “We have to go!” Nima screamed and your eyes snapped to her. “Come on! Move!”

Nima was pulling you down the road as the two of you got lost in the crowd of other panicked citizens. The smell of smoke burned your nose and you could feel the heat of various burning buildings as you passed. Your head was throbbing and with every step your vision would blur for a second before shakily coming back into focus. The flow of the running crowd picked up speed and panic as another bomb fell not too far away and your hand slipped out of Nima’s. You heard her scream out your name, saw a flash of her pink skin as she tried to jump and spot you, but she was swept even further away.

Someone slammed into you from behind and you went sprawling. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. This was a stampede and you needed to move. Unable to get to your feet quick enough you threw yourself to the side beside some rubble so you weren’t trampled.

While leaning against the rubble, you tried to catch your breath. Your arms were covered in the dust being kicked up into the air, but no immediate wounds. Hesitantly, you probed at your hairline and winced when you found a tender spot. Pulling your hand back your fingers were coated in a shine of blood. 

“Shit.” You breathed. That explained the concussion. 

Most of the crowd had passed and you glanced around to figure out where you were. The school house was up ahead which meant if you kept pressing down the street you’d reach the lava plains. With a grunt, you tried to jog forward⏤ in the distance behind you, the sounds of deep, excited yelling spurned you on. As you were passing the school the sound of a muffled scream brought you to a screeching halt. You paused, trying to ignore the pounding of your heart and the excited yelling getting closer. After a beat, there was another scream. Fuck, the schoolhouse. 

Your eyes darted to where you could see the edge of the city. Din would be so mad at you. You could almost hear his voice at the back of your mind barking for you to get the hell out of Nevarro. The scream came again and it sounded young. All you could picture was Grogu, scared and hurt, trapped in the rubble. That made your decision for you. If this had been your boy you’d want someone to stop for him. You sprinted into the school house and scanned the destroyed classroom. The back corner had caved in from a bomb. 

“Hey!” You yelled. “Can you hear me? Where are you!?”

“Here!” 

That was Wynn’s voice, Grogu’s teacher, and it sounded like it was coming from the space behind the pile of rubble. You hurried over and scanned the pile for a spot you could pull away. Wynn was making calming noises to a sobbing and hysterical child⏤ that’s who had screamed. You wrapped your fingers around a block and pulled it back. The large chunk of concrete shifted just enough that you could get down on your knees and crawl through. 

All of the rubble had blocked off one of the small back cubbies where the children would keep their bags. There you found Wynn, uninjured but covered in dust, clutching a familiar child in her arms. Elodie. You tried to bite back the gasp that threatened to leave you. 

“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay.” You said softly and crawled closer. “Do you remember me, Elodie?”

She sniffled, “You’re⏤ You’re Gro⏤ Grogu’s mommy.”

“That’s right.” You nodded and shifted so you sat right beside them both. Elodie’s blonde hair was covered in soot and you could see bright red blood on her shirt. Jaen and Dayen were probably out of their minds with worry. Maker. “Can you tell me what hurts?”

“Her arm.” Wynn mouthed.

Elodie was crying once more, and you reached forward to carefully touch her. Elodie let out a scream of panic and you tried to whisper reassurances. “It’s okay, it’s okay, sweetie. I’m gonna make it better.” You pulled her right arm away from her body as it had been cradling and covering the left one, and as soon as you did you felt the blood drain from your face. Still, you kept your features neutral. Her left arm was broken, her pale skin discolored in ugly shades of purple and red, and the bone itself had pierced out of her skin. That’s where the blood had come from.

“The other kids were out for recess. My assistant got them out, but Elodie had come back in to use the bathroom.” Wynn shook her head. The gentle woman was trembling. “I couldn’t move the rubble and hold her.”

You gave your pockets a pat, but the only item you had on you was some medical tape. “Dank farrik.” You muttered. “Wynn, where’s the school’s first aid kit?”

“Out by my desk.”

You spun and crawled back out of the rubble to find the kit. If the kit was up to date then you’d have the supplies you needed for a temporary patch job. It didn’t take you long to dig the kit out of the desk, but it was then you noticed the explosions had stopped. Everything had stopped save for the hooting and hollering in the distance. Shit. You raced back to where Wynn and Elodie sat.

“Alright, sweetie, I want you to look at Ms. Wynn, okay? Just her.” You said. You met Wynn’s gaze and she seemed to understand what was about to happen and nodded.

“Hey, honey.” Wynn spoke softly and shifted so she could hold Elodie’s head to face her. You dug through the kit while the teacher spoke calmly and kindly to the little girl who was still crying. The first thing you did was grab the medgun which was loaded with pain meds and punched the needle into her arm without warning. Elodie’s crying grew worse and you hit her with the needle twice more. Three doses was just below what would be too much for a girl her size. Then you grabbed the bacta spray and began to coat the open wound with it in thick layers. 

The numbing pain meds seemed to be working as her sobs turned to hiccups, but she was not going to like this next part. However, the sound of the attackers was growing closer which meant you were running out of a window to do this. You set one hand behind Elodie’s elbow and grasped her left hand with your other. Wynn saw the motion and held onto Elodie tighter. You gave her hand a sharp tug, drawing the bone back into place, and the scream that left Elodie’s little lips was haunting. It only lasted a second before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she went limp.

“Elodie??” Wynn cried.

“She’s okay.” You checked her pulse and breathing. “The pain just overwhelmed her.” 

Quickly, you grabbed the gauze and wrapped it around her arm along with the collapsible splint to keep it from moving. The sound of a deep laugh while someone kicked around items made you and Wynn freeze. You carefully closed up the kit and motioned for Wynn to pull Elodie to the side and even deeper into the pocket you were trapped in. 

“I liked this place better when it was a bar!” A voice barked out and other men laughed. You were hearing at least four voices. “Look at all this shit!” The sound of furniture being tossed around made you wince. “Where’s Beetl with the liquor!?”

It sounded like they were settling into place and you mentally cursed.

The three of you were going to be stuck here for longer than you liked, and you just prayed Elodie stayed unconscious. 

Din was getting nervous. So much so that he couldn’t even enjoy watching Grogu beat Paz’s son in a sparring match with darts. All he could think about was the fact that he wasn’t getting in touch with anyone from Nevarro. You still weren’t picking up his calls, and now he couldn’t get in touch with anyone else either.

He had to go back. 

“And you’re going to take Grogu with you?” Bo Katan questioned.

“He goes where I go.” Din replied. Grogu grunted in agreement from his arms while Bo Katan shook her head in disagreement. He had told her a quick good-bye and to explain to the others where he was going. Din had a sinking feeling since this morning that he just couldn’t shake.

“Djarin⏤”

His vambrace chirped as a message came through and Din let out a breath of relief seeing Mayfeld’s name. Din shifted the call to his helmet. “Mayfeld! What the hell⏤”

“We got trouble, boss.” Mayfeld blurted. His voice strained. “King Gorian Shard is here. His Corsair is raining fire down on Nevarro. We evacuated the city and⏤”

“Soran.” Din blurted your fake name, the one you still went by. “Where is she? Is she alright?!”

“I’m sure she’s fine⏤”

“You’re sure??” Din barked. “You have eyes on her?! Mayfeld! Do you have eyes⏤”

“I saw her and Nima running out of the city when this all started.” Mayfeld snapped, the sound of blaster fire filled the other line before he spoke again, “We’re trying to keep the pirates away from the citizens, we’re out in the lava plains⏤” Din felt like he was going to be sick. That wasn’t enough. That wasn’t enough reassurance for him. “Mando!? Mando, are you listening!?”

“I’m coming. Just keep them safe. Please get Soran to call me when you see her.”

“It might be tough. The Corsair is jamming our communications. We’ve been trying to get in contact with you this entire time but⏤”

The call cut out and Din was already moving. Bo slid into his path and he nearly bowled her over to get past. She held her hands out and forced him to a stop.

“What is happening?”

“Nevarro is under attack. Gorian Shard brought his Corsair and his men have infiltrated the city.” Din snapped. “Now move⏤”

“You can’t just go there alone.”

“Get the hell out of my way.” Din’s hand drifted to his blaster.

Bo let out a slow sigh and tilted her head. “Think, Djarin. What do you think you’ll be able to do on your own? You’re out gunned on this. You need back up.” Logic told him that she wasn’t wrong, but every fiber of his being was screaming for him to shove past her and get to the N1. “You’re wasting time here with me.”

“I know!” Din yelled, frustrated. “So get out of my way, Bo.”

“The covert is a community, is it not? A family?” Bo questioned. “You have some of the finest warriors in the galaxy here, yet you want to go to Nevarro alone?”

Din was shaking. A mix of anger and fear. Grogu tilted his head up to gaze at him, wide eyes filled with concern. His son may not have fully understood what was happening, but he knew something was wrong. Grogu chirped, “Ma?”

“I get it. I do. But how much can you help this girl of yours if you run in blind and get yourself killed?” Bo pressed. She shook her head. “You drive me up the wall, Djarin, but I know you’re not a complete idiot. Think for a second here.”

With a frustrated huff, Din spun on his heel to find the Armorer. With every step he took, Bo on his tail, Din prayed to the Maker, and any other deity that may be listening, that you were somewhere safe. He was coming for you. Din would tear through any person who stood in his way. He just needed you to hold on a little while longer.

Apparently, the pirates had decided to make the schoolhouse their new cantina. Never mind there was literally a cantina filled with drinks right in the middle of the city they could use. New voices would come in and out, laughing loudly and blindly firing their blasters, while you and Wynn stayed silent. Hours had passed. As unlucky as this entire situation seemed, you were thankful that Elodie was still out cold and that not a single one of the attackers was curious enough to dig through rubble.

You leaned your head against the wall and tapped on your communicator uselessly. It was dead for some reason. Maybe the attack had something to do with that. None of your calls were going out and if someone was trying to call you then it wasn’t coming in. You let your arm fall to the side and glanced over to see Wynn gently running her fingers through Elodie’s hair in a soothing pattern.

Poor Jaen and Dayen. You hoped they were alright and out in the lava plains with everyone else. If you were in that situation, stuck outside the city while Grogu was trapped Maker knows where? There was nothing that would keep you from racing after him. You’d claw the face off anyone who tried to stop you from searching for him. Despite knowing that fact, you still hoped someone was holding them back. The last thing you wanted was for something terrible to happen to them.

A loud crash made you and Wynn jump. You shifted so you sat between the only opening out into the main room and the little girl. Wynn wrapped her arms tighter around Elodie. Laughs followed the crash and it seemed like you were still safe⏤ for now. This wasn’t going to last. You couldn’t just sit here and pray a miracle happened. All it would take is one noise from the three of you or one of the pirates getting nosy and that would be it. Game over.

The light that had been streaming through the hole in the ceiling, created from the rubble, had disappeared hours ago. As night settled over Nevarro this could be good or bad news. If you were lucky then with the darkness the pirates would drift away to sleep and give you three a chance to make a run for it, but if you weren’t lucky then even more people would drift into the school house to drink. Based on the setting, you were not having a lucky day and so far it seemed none of the men drinking were slowing down quite yet.

A soft whimper made you stiffen and you saw Elodie begin to squirm in Wynn’s arms. Wynn’s gaze met yours in a panic and you began to quietly dig through the first aid kit again. You couldn’t expect the young girl to stay completely quiet with an injury like that. There were a few more doses of pain medication. You hated the idea of giving her more than the recommended dose, but as long as you kept an eye on her vitals. Risk versus benefit. In this scenario, there was more benefit than risk currently. 

You pressed the needle into her upper arm and moments later her features evened out. You let out a breath of relief and leaned your head against the wall once more. This was a waiting game and that was your least favorite situation to be stuck in. With a slow breath, you let your eyes close for just a moment.

“Soran.”

A soft hiss made your eyes snap open, to see Wynn trying to grab your attention. You felt dazed and you were now lying on your side. You had closed your eyes for only a second, but the lighting had changed. It was still dark, but the dim glow of dawn could be seen through the ceiling’s hole. You pushed up and winced at the headache still lingering behind your eyes.

“Shit.” You mumbled quietly. “How long was I out?”

“Through the night?” Wynn whispered back. “I was worried. You were out cold.”

“Elodie?”

Wynn shook her head. “Still sleeping.” You turned your head to try and listen out for the main room. It was mostly quiet now, but there was still an artificial glow peeking through the rubble’s cracks. “I think most fell asleep, but they’re still out there.”

You shifted and reached out for Elodie. “Take a break, Wynn. Get some sleep.”

She nodded without much argument and you could see the exhaustion in her eyes. You wished you had woken earlier. It didn’t take long for Wynn to lay down and fall asleep herself while you curled Elodie in your arms⏤ careful not to jar her arm. Holding her made you miss Grogu, but you were thankful he wasn’t here. If anything ever happened to him you don’t think you’d survive it. Him or Din. That was a comfort you could take in this. Neither of your boys were here to possibly get hurt.

They were worlds away⏤ safe.

Maybe an hour had passed when Elodie began to murmur and move against you. You held her tighter to your chest and whispered that she was safe with you. A whimper left her lips and you winced. “Elodie, sweetie, you’re okay. I need you to stay quiet for me.” You whispered. Her bleary eyes blinked open and you ran a hand through her hair. “It’s me. You’re safe with me and Ms. Wynn. Everything is okay.”

“I want my mommy and daddy.” Elodie began to cry. You buried her face into your shoulder to muffle the sounds of her sobs.

“I know.” You mumbled into her hair. “I know, sweetie.”

Elodie cried for a while, but it slowed to harsh and tired breathing. She was awake and clinging to you with her good arm. You continued to run your hand through her hair and murmur how brave she was and how proud her parents would be. This seemed to marginally calm her. 

The sound of shuffling grew closer to the rubble and you felt your entire body stiffen⏤ on edge. It didn’t seem like he was looking for anything and moments later you heard the sound of peeing off to the sound of the rubble. Your nose scrunched in disgust but you supposed it could be worse. The man began to talk to some others and you listened as closely as you could to try and count the number of people in the room. As the glow of dawn spread across the sky, you really needed to get out of here. Elodie was stable, but she needed proper medical care.

Wynn woke up when you hissed her name and you shifted the little girl in your arms to her. They both stared at you in alarm as you crawled slowly and quietly toward the rubble blocking you in. As you got closer you laid on your belly and shuffled closer. You were low enough to be able to peek through the entrance, but you stayed as far back as you could to remain out of sight just in case one of the men was facing the rubble.

“How long do we gotta stick ‘round here?” A man scoffed. Someone threw a bottle and you heard the glass shatter with a wince. “Can’t we go?”

“You wanna tell the King what to do?” Another snorted. “Be my guest, idiot.”

A third man chimed in and they seemed to go in circles. Three in total then? Unless one was quiet, but you sincerely doubted that. It seemed like every soul that swung through here couldn’t keep their mouth shut. You crawled back deeper into the pocket to settle beside Wynn and Elodie.

“We need to get out of here.” You whispered. “I have a plan. I’m going to distract them⏤”

“Wait⏤”

“⏤and while I do that, you’re gonna take Elodie out the back and use the alley to get Elodie to the lava plains. It’ll be a straight shot. Just stay off the main street.”

Wynn shook her head. “This is dangerous. You’re putting yourself in an awful situation. Maybe we should just stay.”

“We’re tempting fate just by sitting here, and Elodie needs further medical care.” You argued. “This is our best bet.” Wynn still didn’t seem convinced, but you had already made your decision. In your career, you needed to rely on gut calls. Instinct. No time for hesitation. It was best if you did this now before more men showed up. “I’m gonna make them chase after me, and as soon as they follow you need to take Elodie out the back door. Do you understand?”

Wynn nodded after a moment. “I do. Just please be careful.”

Before you could lose your nerve, you crawled back toward the rubble entrance and tried to listen and figure out where each man sat. If you had to guess, you’d say they were on the other side of the room which worked in your favor, and the front door was a straight shot. The issue would be going from on your knees to running without tripping over or being shot. Once again, you heard Din at the back of your head telling you what a reckless and stupid idea this was. That was always a good sign, right?

You sucked in a sharp breath, waited until you heard the men burst into laughter, and then pushed out. It all moved in a blur. You stumbled over your feet, trying to get off your knees, you heard the men shout in alarm, but you kept moving. They were jumping up, yelling at you, but you pumped your arms to sprint faster toward the door. You took a sharp turn right out the door and ran down the street towards the city’s center⏤ away from the direction Wynn and Elodie would need to go in.

Glancing over your shoulder, you saw three men following. Good. Your plan fell apart when you turned your head to see where you were running only to collide into a firm body that sent you sprawling to the concrete ground with a grunt.

You tried to jump up, but a boot pressed down on your chest keeping you pinned on your back. A thickly built Twi’lek stared down at you with a sickening grin. His skin was a dark shade of purple and you could see an injury on his side that stained his clothes with blood.

“Well, well,” The Twi’lek hummed, “Aren’t you just adorable?”

“Oh, come on, Kiff.” One of the men who had been chasing you complained. “We saw her first!”

The Twi’lek, Kiff, shook his head and glared at the men. “Is there a reason you left a civilian alive? You had strict orders.” He drew his blaster pointing it at the men first who shuffled back a step and then he pointed it down at you. You stiffened, your hands gripping his boot, and he just smirked down at you. An excited anticipation glowing in his dark eyes. This man was looking forward to killing you. “Any last words?”

“You’re going to die.” You blurted the first thought that came to mind. His face furrowed at the threat, but you shook your head and pointed at his side. “That injury. I’d guess you have an hour at most.”

“It’s nothing. I was just grazed. Not even bleeding anymore. Nice try.” He huffed.

You were lying through your teeth, but he didn’t look like a man who knew much about anything. You kept your voice calm and firm. “I can see the bruising from where your shirt is torn. It’s not bleeding externally anymore, but you are bleeding internally. That’s where all the bruising is from.” He swallowed once and you kept on. “Right now, I bet you feel fine. Barely hurts. Give it another half hour and you’re gonna be in agony. Look at me.” You motioned down to yourself. “You think I’m wearing these scrubs for the fun of it? I’m a doctor, you ass.”

“Then I guess that means you know how to fix it.” He spat at you. Kiff put his blaster away and reached down to snatch you off the ground. You were barely on your feet when his hand clamped around your throat painfully tight. You clawed at him, trying to loosen the grip, but he didn’t even flinch. “Fix it. Now.”

“Clinc.” You gasped. “I need⏤ Clinc.”

Kiff threw you aside and you sucked in as much air as you could while trying to stay on your feet. The other pirates were still watching as Kiff buried his hand in your hair and held on like a leash. He leaned forward to press his lips near your ear. “Lead the way, bitch.”

It had taken hours too long to get to Nevarro. Din was thankful for Bo, thankful for his covert, as they agreed to help, but as his ship entered Nevarro’s atmosphere and his eyes landed on the smokey and still burning city beneath a monstrous Corsair, Din lost his breath. You were down there. You were in that mess.

“Ma? Ma!” Grogu was slamming his hands on the N1’s window. Din scooped the boy up to bring back to his lap and tucked him under his bandolier as a makeshift seat belt. 

Bo’s voice came over his comm unit, checking in to see if Din was still on board with the plan, and he was forced to agree. She was going to drop a unit of Mandalorians down to the city streets to fight, but it was up to him and Bo to take care of King Gorian Shard’s ship. As he got near, he saw a group of civilians nestled out in the lava plains. Were you there? You had to be there. Din could not wrap his mind around any other situation. 

“Let’s get this done.” Din barked gruffly over the communication line.

The sooner he burned Gorian Shard’s ship to the ground, the sooner he could find you.

The clinic was in shambles. Most of the structure itself looked intact, but a group of pirates must have ran through to scavenge for supplies because everything was sloppily tossed around. The hand tangled in your hair was roughly pulling, making your scalp ache, as you let him shove you forward into the main clinic space. You had a plan. It was a very, very bad plan, but that seemed to be the theme of the last 24 hours.

“Well, get to work then.” Kiff threw you aside before climbing up onto one of the cots. You straightened your posture and tried to steel your nerves as you approached him. He stared at you, eyes following your every moment, as you reached out to peel his shirt up. You pretended to examine his skin. “How long is this gonna take?”

“Depends.” You muttered⏤ your throat felt raw from his grip earlier. 

Kiff’s hand trailed down your side until it reached your backside. He kneaded his fingers over your ass, groping and pulling you closer, and it took all your strength to keep a steady face. You knew he was looking for a reaction. 

“I think you just wanted to get me alone.” Kiff hummed arrogantly.

“I need to grab the cautery.” You said and turned to walk toward your desk. He slid off the cot to grasp your hips and you felt a terrifying chill run down your spine as your skin crawled in disgust. “You should stay seated.”

“I think I’ll follow along.” Kiff leaned forward and you tried to ignore him as you continued toward your desk. He follow only half a step behind, large hands groping where he could reach, and you felt his hot breath on the back of your neck. When you reached the desk, your shaky hand reached for the top drawer. Kiff leaned into you, pinning you between his hips and the side of the desk, as he chuckled. “I could fuck you right here, right now. How’s that sound?”

A while back, Din tried to convince you to carry the blaster he gave you on your person at all times. You argued that a doctor shouldn’t be walking around locked and loaded. Din didn’t love your argument, but the two of you settled on a compromise. You wouldn’t wear the blaster on your hip, but you’d keep it within reach at the clinic. 

Your hand wrapped around the blaster’s grip, your finger clicking off the safety as Kiff was distracted by feeling you up, and without pause you spun and fired. He was so tangled around you that the shot only clipped his side, but it was enough to make him grunt in pain and stumble back. 

“You bitch!” He roared.

Not giving him the chance to say anything further or even to reach for a weapon, you fired again. And again, and again, and again. Your finger pulled the trigger over and over. Even after the fourth and fifth burned through his chest and he lay on the ground with blank eyes, you fired more. In fact, you didn’t stop until the blaster overheated and slipped from your shaky hands. If anyone deserved to die it was a piece of shit like him, but you had taken an oath to do no harm. You had lost patients before, that was the nature of medicine, but you had never deliberately taken a life before. 

Nausea rolled through your body as the stench of burning flesh met your nose. It was familiar to you, but only through procedures and operations. Never like this. Never caused by your hand. Panicked, the voice at the back of your head, the one that sounded like Din, pleaded for you to pick up the blaster and run. You wondered how hard you had hit your head yesterday to be hearing his voice like this. You picked up the blaster with trembling hands and hurried out of the clinic.

Lava plains. You needed to get out of this city. 

The sound of a firefight was filling the air as you began to sprint down the street, but a very familiar sight sped by overhead in a blur. The N1. Your feet came to a screeching halt. Din. Din was here. Din had come. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks in relief. You were still in the midst of a war zone, surrounded by fire, smoke, and danger, but just knowing that Din was in the vicinity came as an incredible comfort. Stumbling forward again, you tried to send out a call through your communicator once more, but it still seemed dead.

Just keep moving. Din was here now which meant everything was going to be alright. Just keep moving.

You had made decent progress down the road when the sight of a familiar body filled your view. Wynn. It took a beat before you rushed to their side. Wynn was lying on her chest so you cautiously flipped her over and a soft groan left her weary lips. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the significant wound decorating her abdomen. A blaster shot. Her dress and skin were charred from the heat of the blaster fire, but it clipped deep enough to hit an artery. That was the only explanation for the amount of blood you were seeing and the continued steady ooze. You applied pressure to the wound, to try and stop the bleeding, and Wynn didn’t even whimper in pain. Her just fluttered.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” You said, trying to convince yourself more than her.

“Elodie…” Wynn gasped.

“Reinforcements are here. You just gotta hang on⏤”

“She ran. I told her to run.” Wynn pushed the words out. “They ambushed us. I⏤I tried⏤ I tried to hold them back.” You pressed down on her abdomen harder. The blood seeping through your fingers. You bit down hard on your lower lip and tried not to cry out at how useless you felt. You knew the odds of this injury, you were fighting fate currently. “Find her⏤”

You shook your head. “I will. I will, but I have to take care of you first. You’re bleeding⏤” Wynn’s shaky breaths came to a stop as you watched the life leave her eyes. “No, no.” Frantically you felt for a pulse and when you didn’t find one, you began CPR. Desperate. Was this your fault? Maybe you should have stayed in the school house. Had you made the wrong call? After three short rounds you fell back on your heels with a shaky gasp. “Wynn?”

Her unseeing eyes stared blankly up at the sky. Tears were rolling down your cheeks again and when you tried to swipe them away you felt her hot blood, still fresh on your hands, smear across your cheek and you gasped. You tried to use your scrub top to wipe it away. 

Elodie. You had to find Elodie. Wynn’s blood was on your hands, figuratively and literally, but you had to save Elodie. You gently closed Wynn’s eyes, whispering an apology, and stumbled away. The blaster was back in your grasp and you were desperate.

“Elodie!” You yelled. Not giving a single damn if the pirates heard you. The sound of blaster fire echoed down the streets just as it rang in the air overhead. “Elodie!” You were weaving in and out of buildings as you were able and peering down any alley you passed. “El⏤”

The heat of a blaster bolt screamed past you only narrowly missing you. You threw yourself to the ground as more fired in your direction. The pile of rubble you hid behind took most of the blows, but you could hear the yelling of your attackers growing closer. Shit. Shit. Shit. Blindly, you lifted your hand to try and fire a few shots of your own, but if it made contact with anyone you didn’t hear it do so. You tried to scan the region, looking for an escape, but the two paths you saw involved running out into the open. You wouldn’t survive that.

Right as you began to try and force yourself into accepting the terrible decision of making a run for it. Louder, rapid blaster fire filled the air and the attackers screamed  briefly before it all fell quiet. Someone had killed the men firing at you. The enemy of your enemy was your friend right? Hesitantly, you peered around the rubble and the sight of Mandalorian armor made you jump back out into the street.

The Mandalorian, a large man in armor decorated in shades of blue, carried a black turrent and it swiveled toward you at the sound of your approach. You held your hands up in surrender. “Please! I need help!”

“The path is clear.” The man barked out in a deep voice and motioned down the street. The direction you knew would take you to the lava plains. “Go.”

“No, I⏤ There’s a child lost here.” You rushed to stand in front of him. His broad frame towered over you. You had always thought Din was a large Mandalorian, but this guy may as well have been a building with legs. “I need help finding her.”

“I will seek out the child. You leave the city.”

“I’m not leaving her behind.” You glared at him.

He stiffened and maybe you had just gotten good at reading Mandalorian body signals from Din, but you could tell this man was glaring at you through his helmet at your disobedience. “This area is not fully secured. Leave the city and I will⏤”

“You can’t kill pirates and search for a little girl at the same time.” You snapped. “I’ll stay and we can⏤”

“You will go⏤”

“Look at me!” You barked out with the same confidence you used to command any other emergency you had encountered. The Mandalorian looked taken aback at your tone. You kept your shoulders tight, solid, then spoke in a firm voice that gave no room for argument. “I am going to find Elodie, and you are going to mow down any pirate that gets in our fucking way. Do you understand? This is a team effort. I am not leaving that little girl behind. So either you help me, or I do this on my own.”

The Mandalorian was fuming at you. At least, that’s what you were assuming based on the silent gaze he was burning down into you. This was not debatable. You lost Wynn. You would not lose Elodie. Over your dead body would anyone hurt that little girl any further. Finally, the Mandalorian blew out an irritated sigh and bobbed his head down the street.

“Move then.” He ordered.

You pointed down an alley to the left. “I’ve already been down that way. We need to cut here to search further.” 

Without waiting for his response, you marched down the alley. Only a second passed before a heavy hand clamped down on your shoulder and roughly dragged you back. The Mandalorian scoffed. “I have the weapon. I stand in front. Understand, wero’ika?”

“Fine.” You replied. You recognized the sound of Mando’a but didn’t know the word he used. It didn’t linger long in your mind though. The two of you were pushing down the alley and despite the Mandalorian telling you to keep quiet you continued to yell out Elodie’s name. More blaster fire, getting closer, made your heart pound even harder in your chest. “Elodie!”

“I said you need to⏤” The faint sound of a response only barely reached your ears and you shushed the Mandalorian. “Did you just⏤” You shushed him again and tried to listen. His next word came out in an irritated growl. “Wero’ika.”

“I hear her. I hear Elodie.” You blurted and sprinted past him. 

His thundering footsteps stayed only a step behind you and the Mando’a words he was spitting out under his breath were all the curse words you had heard Din use a time or two. You came to the edge of an alley, right where the blaster fire was loudest, and the Mandalorian shoved you behind him once more just in time for a bolt to bounce off his beskar covered chest. Your eyes frantically scanned the street and it took you three times before your eyes found the little blonde girl tucked in a ball and sobbing as people fired over her head.

“There!” You took a step forward to try and peer out but the Mandalorian yanked you back barking something out in Mando’a. “I wasn’t gonna run out there yet! I was trying to see if there was a path I could use to get to her.”

“I will lay cover fire and you will use that time to get to the girl. Do not,” He emphasized the command, “Leave that spot until I come to you.” You nodded once, but he did not budge. “Speak. Do you understand me, wero’ika?”

“Yes! Yes, alright!”

The Mandalorian grunted once in approval then he stepped out of the alley. The black turrent he was holding open fire and the red bolts leaving it rapidly was a sight to behold. So shocked by the weapon’s range of destruction you paused until he barked out at you. Elodie. Right. You sprinted out of the alley and made a beeline for her hiding spot. The Mandalorian was firing to your right, where the pirates stood, but to your left was a wall of Mandalorians. At least three of them. Had Din brought an army of his kind?

You slid to your knees beside Elodie, setting the blaster down, and wrapped your arms around her. She screamed and squirmed, but you held on tight. “Elodie! Sweetie! It’s me! You’re safe!” You yelled over the loud blaster fire. “You’re alright!”

Her wide eyes, filled to the brim with watery fear, landed on your face and she began buried her face in your chest with sobs. Elodie’s injured arm was still wrapped up with the splint but blood was seeping through the bandage once more. You could barely understand her through her cries.

“Ms. Wynn⏤ She⏤ We⏤”

“I know, sweetie. You’re okay.” You tried to reassure her even as your stomach flipped at the mention of her teacher’s name. “Come on.” You scooped her up into your arms and she wrapped her right arm around your neck in a death grip. “Keep your head down, Elodie. Alright? Don’t look up. Just close your eyes and keep your head down.”

You felt her nod against your shoulder and shifted so you’d be crouched down, out of range, but ready to go when the Mandalorian got to you. Big Blue, as you were so kindly referring to him in your head, was still firing at the pirates but was making steady steps in your direction. The other Mandalorians continued to drift up to add to his onslaught and when they stepped side by side with him, Big Blue peeled off to rush to you. 

“Up!” He grunted, and you didn’t hesitate to listen to him then. With Elodie in your arms, you rose up and Big Blue spun you around to march toward the city’s edge and away from the battle. He kept his body pressed close to your back and every once in a while you’d hear him grunt as blaster fire pinged off his beskar. 

The three of you shifted around a mess of debris when suddenly a pirate jumped into your path. Big Blue reacted quicker than you did and he spun the both of you around so his back was acting as a shield once more. You fell to your ass, with him draped over you in protection, as the pirate rained blaster fire onto the man. On more instinct than thought, you let go of Elodie with one arm to grab the blaster tucked in Big Blue’s holster and after flicking off the safety you rapidly pulled the trigger blindly. It took multiple bolts before you heard the pirate cry out in pain and the attack ended. Big Blue glanced over his shoulder and once pleased with what he saw he shifted off of you.

“Mirdala, wero’ika.” Big Blue grunted with a nod of approval. You held his gun out to him which he took and re-holstered then he reached down to bring you back onto your feet. The sound of an explosion made you both jump in alarm, but it came from the Corsair overhead. You watched in shock as the smoking vehicle began to careen into the side of the mountain Nevarro City was nestled against and go up into fire and ash. “Come.” Big Blue pulled you to his side to try and get you moving again. “We still need to get you both to safety.”

As Big Blue guided you through the streets and the sight of the lava plains came into view, a breath of weary relief left you. The Mandalorian next to you caught you off guard by setting his hand on your shoulder and giving it a small squeeze.

The fight was over. Your brain supplied familiar words that Din had said to you once before.

The danger has passed.

Din was frantic. After landing the N1, and leaving a crying Grogu with Peli, he began to rush through the throngs of civilians looking for a familiar face. Looking for your face. As the seconds ticked by fear gripped him tighter and tighter. What if he had been too late? What if you were still in the city? Shoving past people, more roughly than he probably should have, he finally spotted someone who could point him in the right direction.

“Vanth!” Din barked and rushed to where the man was seated on a makeshift cot. He looked worse for wear. One arm was wrapped in a sling and dried blood was splattered in his hair on the right side of his head where a line of staples held together an ugly gash.

Vanth’s bloodshot eyes glanced up and at the sight of Din he shakily rose. “Hey, brother. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“Are you alright?” Din asked and after Vanth nodded, in the same breath, he added, “Where is she?”

Din didn’t need to clarify who. Vanth swallowed roughly and let out a haggard sigh, “I don’t know, Mando.” His blood ran cold. “Last I heard, Mayfeld is on the search for her. I got put out of commission pretty early in the fight.” Vanth winced with every breath and word spoken. “Little doc junior, Aayla, has been patching everyone up best she can since…” 

Since you were missing.

“The fight is over now. Anybody hiding in the city will start coming out.” Vanth tried to reassure him but it fell on deaf ears. “Mando⏤”

“Sit. Rest.” Din carefully pushed Vanth back onto the cot before moving on. 

He’d scour the entire city if he had to. Din would tear down any remaining buildings left standing if it meant finding you. This was what he did, right? He hunted. His rushed steps were nothing like the calm and collected image he tried to uphold as he hurried towards the city. All his worst fears seemed to be crumbling down on him and the beskar he wore felt suffocating. Din pushed out of the crowd, nearly broke out into a sprint, when he hard your voice. Faint. It really made no sense that he’d even be able to hear it over the lively crowd and the pounding of his heart in his ears.

However, as if drawn to it, his feet came to a stop and he turned. There you were. The parents of Grogu’s friend from school were sobbing hysterically as they held a little girl in their arms. You stood right in front of them with Paz a step behind you. It was an odd sight that left Din with more questions than answers, but all his mind could focus on was you. The rest of the world may as well have grown blurry and dim.

You were in a pair of your scrubs but they were dirty and torn. Dried blood stained the front and sides. Your hair was a mess and even from the distance he was at, he could see the exhaustion radiating from your frame. Din was moving before his mind was even aware of his body’s choice. It was you. You were right there. You were standing. You were breathing. You were safe. Maker, Din felt his heart leap up into his throat as he struggled for a gasp of relief.

Din couldn’t find his voice to cry out to you, but as if you were drawn to him as well you turned and met his gaze. His feet stuttered at the sight. Dried blood covered your features, mixed with dust and soot, and there was a wound on your hairline he could see clearly. The skin around your neck was darkened with bruising. You looked like you were in shambles, but that fire he loved still remained in your gaze. Your pretty eyes burned with life and energy and determination.

“Din!” You cried and he didn’t even register the fact that you called out his name in public. He was too thankful to hear it in your voice once more. You broke out into a sprint, to meet him halfway, and as soon as you were close enough Din snatched you into his arms in a bruising grip. Your arms wrapped tightly around his neck as your face buried into his shoulder and if Din wasn’t so worried about jarring any of your current injuries he would’ve crushed you even tighter in his hold. “Din, I⏤ Din. Din.” Your body shook with sobs as you struggled to find words. For a beat all that could spill out was his name, but every time the sound left your lips Din felt the tight coil of fear in his chest loosen. “You’re here.”

“I am. I am, ner kar’ta, and I’m never leaving again.” He murmured to you. A promise. Din’s gloved hand buried itself in the back of your hair to pull you even closer. It took all of his strength to not rip his helmet off right now. Redemption be damned. “Ni ceta, ner kar’ta. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I should have been here.”

The only reason he was able to tear himself away from you was to examine your wounds. The injury at your hairline had scabbed over and it seemed the only other injury you had were the faint bruising around your neck. It would worsen before it got better and it was not lost on Din that the darker shade was in the shape of a hand.

“Who?” The word left his lips in a near growl. Din cupped your face and tried to swipe away tears, dried blood, and soot. His hand trailed down to lightly brush against your neck. “Who did this?”

“One of the⏤ One of the pirates. It’s a long story, I⏤” You took in a shaky breath and Din could see how close you were to crumbling. “He’s dead. I… I shot him. With the blaster I keep in my desk. I shot him.” Good. Din could see the heartbreak in your eyes, the pain, and he hated more than anything that responsibility had fallen onto your shoulders. That you had been forced into that position. Truly, you had done the pirate a favor⏤ shown him mercy. Because if he were still breathing, Din would tear the bastard apart limb from limb. “I lost your blaster. I’m so sorry⏤”

“Don’t. Stop.” Din leaned his head down to press his forehead against yours. He took in a slow breath. You were here. You were safe. You were in his arms. Din’s heart finally began to calm. “All that matters is you.”

Your hands had found his neck and the way your fingers dug through his collar told him that you were as desperate as he was for skin to skin contact. Din just needed to reassure himself that you were fine. He wanted to run his hands over every inch of you to ensure that nothing was wrong. That you were fine. It was a craving not born of lust, but concern.

“Grogu.” You breathed out in a ragged gasp. “Where’s Grogu? I need to see him. I need⏤” Din’s eyes darted over your shoulder where Elodie’s parents were still smothering their child. Something had happened in the city, you had obviously saved that girl in some way, and Din knew your desperation to see Grogu had something to do with that. “Din?”

“He’s alright. He’s safe.” Din wrapped his arm around you tightly, not willing to let go quite yet, and began to lead you back through the crowd to find where Peli was. People called out comments of relief and comfort to you as he led you through. It seemed he hadn't been the only one worried about you.

The sound of Grogu’s cries could be heard and you rushed out of Din’s arms to find the source, “Grogu!?” Din paused as he spotted Peli holding the boy as you rushed toward them. Grogu’s cries were halted and replaced with panicked wailing as he squirmed out of Peli’s arms to jump into yours. You collapsed to the ground with the boy buried in your chest. “Hey, baby. I’m here. I was so worried about you.”

Grogu continued to cry as you whispered reassurances to him. A small smile pulled up the corner of Din’s lips. For the first time in hours, he felt his shoulders relax. He took a step forward, to join his family, when familiar steps settled beside him. Paz crossed his arms and watched the reunion between you and Grogu as well.

“She saved that little girl.” Paz spoke with a hum. “She’s brave. Reckless, but brave.”

“I know.” Din replied, beaming with pride. Everything he had said to the Armorer had been true. You may not have taken the oath, walked the Way, or adorned a helmet, but you were Mandalorian through and through. It was in your spirit and soul. 

Paz nodded. “That is the one you spoke of? The woman you plan to court?”

“Yes.” Din didn’t add that you were the woman he planned to marry as well. It didn’t need to be said now or like this. Just knowing was enough for him.

“But you have yet to present her with a token of intention?”

“Not…yet.” Din turned his head to look at his brother with suspicion. .

“Hm. Perhaps, I’ll offer her a token first.” Paz chuckled. Din barked out a curse and it only made Paz laugh harder. You had risen from the ground and glanced over at the noise. Paz slapped his hand roughly against Din’s back, making him stumble, and then gave you a firm nod. “Good work, wero’ika. I was proud to share the battlefield with you.”

Din continued to glare at Paz’s retreating figure, but at the sound of your approach his gaze softened. You were still holding Grogu close to your chest as if you were afraid someone would come and snatch him away. Din understood the irrational fear. It was why as soon as you were in reach he pulled you and Grogu into his own arms. With another sigh, Din let his eyes flutter close as he rested his head on top of yours while you leaned into his chest. You were safe. His family was back together. 

What more could he ask for?

mando'a translations

Ni ceta: I'm sorry Mirdala: clever Wero'ika: little problem Ner kar'ta: my heart

taglist:

@aheadfullofsteverogers @yyiikes @kneelforloki @c-ms1ut @sgt-morgan @luthienaliceisilraa @fawn-kitten @missbabyjay @coldlamaspersonspy @dilfsaremyfavourite @jamesbuckybarnes @yorkeylover @teawrites01 @emily-roberts @djarinxore @impala1967666 @shelbyteller @faithrenner @dindjarindude @dankfarrick29 @rh1nestonecowg1rl @garbo-lesbo @anythingforattention @tearfulsolace @onceinamando @catharinaroxastova @uwu-i-purple-you @modiddys-blog @stagerightlauren @mini-bees @xxinvisblexx @adoringanakin @sagegreensensei @spidey-3 @sydney-1209 @thepascalofus @hrtsforpascal @banana-lol @daybleedsintonightfall11 @lil-dragon-draws @guccistardust @ideajpeg @harriedandharassed @leithatnight @elfamosotoga @damnzelsoul @the-anchored-sailor-girl @morks-watermelon @katelynmarieyt @taylorann2013 @chonkercatto @dheet @liadamerondjarin @fallinallinmendes @missdicaprio @jennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @alphaash99 @djarinsmixtape @pcrushinnerd @closedaddition @thelovelyhann @harrys-sunflower-bakery @mayaaaaah @theway-thisis @javicstories @ezzynf @bravotwelve @cookielovesbook-akie @coolbanana44 @kittenlittle24

[bengiyo]

Bed Friend Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last time, things came to a terrible head with Krit, who tried to assault Uea in his office and then also tried to ingratiate himself with Uea's mom. Uea broke things off with King after he insinuated that Uea wanted Krit to be gross to him. Uea also told him mom off very loudly and publicly for protecting his abuser. Thankfully, Uea told Jade about what has been going on, and at this point Uea has resigned. He's now taking a trip to get away, but it's clear he's still thinking about King.

I don't know who this aunt is, but she's the first elder we've seen in this show that has any regard for Uea as a person, and is the only elder who has asked if they can touch Uea.

Oh, Uea. You can't text message breakup.

With how bad car violence is in Thailand, it's so alarming to see King trying to use his phone while driving stressed.

King finding out that Uea resigned because Krit finally pushed too far:

Did Net/King use a different accent when he asked for a room?

Honestly, Net and James are the most beautiful acting pairs I've ever seen.

I adore Jade. He's right to call King an idiot and chide him for all of these mixed signals.

I really love the way James embodies Uea. The way he clenches his jaw and steels himself for asking, "Do my feelings matter?" lands so clearly.

I feel like I recognize the actress playing Belle.

I'm glad Belle and King are united against their parents.

These boys talking about the intensity of their feelings. I'm gonna need Uncles Cheep and Dej to come talk to them about making it work long term.

Uea is so good about setting boundaries. It's sad because his are so constantly violated.

Net has a very affective pout.

I like seeing Uea smile in amusement again.

Holy shit that is an enormous statue.

I hope we have some Buddhist fans in the tag, because I'm curious about these rituals we're seeing in the montage.

Krit was really trying to assault an employee in a room with CCTV. This man is disgusting and stupid.

Cheewin did some nice stuff with the shots in the office lounge area.

Okay, I get why they have this confrontation with the CEO, but legitimately I hope this also went to the HR department and people were properly fired.

Did this company not have a sexual harassment policy before this incident?

I'm not a survivor, and would like to know how others feel about the company providing for Uea to seek mental health care.

I'm glad we don't have to hate Mongkol. It's good to show that Mongkol and Krit aren't on the same level, but both believed they could rely on nepotism to do whatever they want. They really just wanted him to contribute to the team.

Once again, James is so beautiful. This outdoor shot in the black and white outfit? GORGEOUS!

'"Because I'm beautiful." He's so right.

We're 43 minutes into the episode and Uea is wearing red again while King is doing everything he can to hold the horny in. Uea knows and is being a menace. I'm sure @respectthepetty is having a blast.

Oh, Uea is going to reveal his trauma to King. No more jokes.

I just really love the way these two talk to each other.

Between this and A Boss and a Babe, I'm glad to see characters taking pills for mental health reasons treated as a normal part of their health care.

Obsessed with the I'm a Weirdo shirt and how it looks like Uea's heart is bleeding, as King wears a black hoodie with a red rose over his heart.

This is uncomfortable, but it's true that Uea is likely not his only victim.

Oh lord, we gotta deal with yet another person hitting on Uea, Sorn's arrest, and King's parents striking back next week.

I'm excited for James and Net to get another show this year. I've deeply enjoyed their scene work together for the last two months.

[autiezo]

Sadly, while I was writing an 'Incorrect Disco Elysium" quote, it turned into a Jean centered one-shot fic.

The original idea was "Jean insults everyone except Kim and Jules while introducing a rookie into Precinct 41 (Judit is absent that day), and also accidentally admits that he likes Harry."

[Writer rambles under the cut]

20 minutes into writing this, I was like "Shit, this is way too long. These aren't a list of quotes anymore." Which is probably a good thing since the idea isn't a super punchy 'Ha-ha funny' and would benefit much more if I explored the characters properly. Also, it's not like many DE fans would be on Jean's side on this, so it falls flat as a quote. Hell, even I wouldn't without paragraphs of context. In fact, I'd just be waiting for Jean to be humiliated/humbled because I love bullying him.

Also, it turned into a Y/N fanfic?? I never read those since I personally find them low-key off-putting. Like a "Don't tell me what to do!" type of deal. However, I didn't wanna put in an OC that does nothing except nod along and follow the story, since I find that more lame. If I'm putting in an OC, I want to make them count. Honestly? I'm excited to take on the challenge. I could do a work-around and write a reason on why Y/N is acting the way they are. Also, for some reason I pictured Y/N as female at first, probably because I'm a woman too. But nah, scratch that, I want Y/N to be any gender possible so that everyone can be Y/N in this. The only tiny hiccup is that they are referred to as 'they', but that's fine since I can't have everything ngl.

If y'all have seen some of my 'Incorrect DE quotes', you'd know I take the term very very loosely. Like the time I had Harry and Kim read the Death Note, or the time I had them discuss Kim's Dream, or the classic time where Kim used the eyebrow on Jean. Those ones are 1 or 2 paragraphs long.

For this idea I have rn? I wrote down two paragraphs and haven't even gotten to Harry's part. Sheesh. I already cut out all the background details here, that's how off the rails this went.

I'm happy that I got to write Mack and Chester shenanigans though. Writing for DE minor characters is always a bonus. And... huh. Maybe one of them should briefly flirt with Y/N as they walk away? Ohhhh or they'd tag-team ngl. It'd be a joke to get a reaction, but still. I haven't seen much of those two, but I feel like they'd be jokesters 90% of the time, like hooligan schoolboys hanging out at the back of the classroom. Gonna have to read their quotes on Fayde before I make any further assumptions.

But yea, it's definitely a one-shot. The biggest this could expand into is a series of slice-of-life RCM office one-shots, but that's unlikely. I'm not too keen on writing Y/N for too long. Hypothetically, by some miracle, if I do end up writing those then I'd either turn Y/N into an OC instead, or research on how to make Y/N interesting while also including the reader themselves.

Y/N characters... sigh. In my personal (and possibly ignorant) opinion, they tend to be really generic and/or suffer the "Marvel Sarcasm Bot" effect. Personally, I have never related to a Y/N character. When I was a teen first reading TMNT 2012 fanfic, I always thought Y/N was someone else, and never me.

Ah, I could make Y/N an introverted person who keeps to themselves, so that they could be an observer. That's one idea. It could work since I can put it in the tags and author notes, so that the reader knows what's up first. hmmmmm

[petrichoraline]

We Are Ep.2 thoughts in chronological order

what peem did in the car trying to convince phum to part their ways is what the youth calls ✨a yap sesh✨ (he tried ig) (this is what this post is as well)

we're probably never seeing phum use those things he bought ever, he'll just keep hanging around in his engineer shirt

peem has so many ppl ready to square up for him including his auntie and he is recognised by tan as someone who loves his friends very much (which makes the fact tan has sold him away for time with his crush TWICE even worse lmao)

i don't really get phum's insistence on not telling anyone about being phum's "slave", not even tan who got him into the mess or his best friend but it's just his ego ig (aside from plot reasons)

i find pun more relatable now - tags along for the funsies and gets happy around fire

not convinced the beans and pork scene wasn't an ad but im not sure how cause i didn't clock any labels

the scene where peem brings in food and laughs with q feels like improv or breaking left in lol

fai missing cause of upset stomach might be some sort of foreshadowing and i'm a bit worried bout her

the professor is handsome <3 and could pas off as chimon's sibling in a show

q absorbing those noodles was very satisfying idek why lol

peem and q's friendship is in the background but the show still constantly makes it a point that they are really good and loyal best friends

i thought "oh theyre gonna make the sharing food a thing in the future" so when boys showed up i was like "ah, we're doing it immediately? bit boring" but then he didn't share!! joey never shares food!! i think he will in the future though, him being a foodie is a constant thing so i'm guessing we're using it as a sign of compromise in the name of love or smth

satang playing this type of character felt a bit much in the first episode but i think he's getting more comfortable with the role as the show progresses and it look more natural; i'm glad his character isn't the googly eyed mentee and he actually teases a lot and snaps back but knows when to stop playing because q isn't the most patient person. (matt having to jump in like "bro he's serious" was so funny cause i hadn't clocked that either hahah)

the way we can see q flustered at certain points but seemingly unbothered at others is fun because his reactions aren't entirely predictable at this stage as we're still getting to know him. also it's mad cute when he clearly doesn't know what to do with himself

idk how he hasn't asked toey bout why he's in art yet, ig they're just now starting to properly get to know each other

toey took one look at q's back and decided "that's a cool ass aura to base my entire future around!" and tbh that's very young adult of him

q regularly asking about peem's work being submitted, he's honestyly worried <3

the way i cheered for peem burping in phum's face and then went "oh he came back :(" bahah

phum is definitely already planning his day and schedule around peem, i don't think he'd ever tell his friends because he wants to actually keep it going so one of the reasons is to not run into his faculty friends including tan and the second is to have lunch with his unconscious crush AND I AM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS STUPIDITY

thought peem could overhear the convo behind the car and realise what he was exchanged for but nope, he just dipped; i think that might be a plot point for later

phum not knowing tan has a crush on fang is so weird cause he genuinely acted like he knew while taunting tan, i don't have an explanation for that

fang is their p'!! i was so conviced he was the little brother, ig because of his big round eyes and the way phum acted all protective (that just makes phum cuter tbh)

what is the age difference between bar owner and prof cause i ship it

it took me a bit to realise the nongs were there instead of the full arts gang and i was glad to see toey and q together (also the green sweater is beautiful on toey, hope it makes a comeback)

i was ready to believe fang had some sort of falling out with tan with the way he treated him but tan beaming and enjoying a dreadful setting (no talking, awkward sitting around in a bar with mid music and alcohol) shows that man is glowing just from being in fang's presence (i hope he reaches ridiculous levels of lame for him)

i was screeching when i realised where things were going with wasted peem and seeing him n the bench outside had me exctaticcc (ofc he didnt book a taxi. and ofc they cant just order one for him noww could they)

phum cockblocks but he kinda has to cause there's no reason for fang to be there otherwise; once the ridiculous proposition of him taking peem home comes up he doesn't really fight it at all - he wants to be with peem, sure, but i think he's also pretty okay with tan and fang being a thing

the way i was screaming "just buy the flowers rich boy!!! he wants to go home" and then the kid went to get more lol

ofc he couldnt just leave the flowers in the backseat, peem just has to have them in his lap.. and the seatbelt scene was so predictable but it's too much of a classic with all "figuring things out" parts of a romance that i can't complain

it makes absolutely zero sense aside from people liking people (cause fang knows what he's doing too) that phum would drive peem to his house - a place where tan has sleepovers at all the time and phum hasn't been to before. fang is his brother and they can sleep at the same place as well even if they don't live together but nope. also THAT CAR HAS EMPTY BACKSEATS, if phum wanted to he would've forced them to ride with him to keep an eye on tan

fang is probably planning to launch a big revenge attack on peem and that'd be so funny, those four can get way too entangled, i could get DRAMA out of their plans and schemes (this show is more hidden agenda than hidden agenda was)

tan's energy with fang reminds me of the duracell bunny lmao it's late at night and they've had a few drinks but his mind and body are all focusedon wooing fang (who is playing nonchalant but has probably had a crush on tan as well)

also no way he was just gonna leave tan on the street lol

toey and q aleady work so well together, toey knows his effect on q more or less and q doesn't shy away from being at least a bit vulnerable as of rn; i think they can be one of the best if not the best couple if they have a proper storyline; im certainly enjoying it the more than i thought i would

the fake blush on both toey and peem is ridiculous esp up close but ig they're cartoonishly drnk anyways

auntie took note and now doesn't do facemasks at night, otherwise it would've been an amazing first meeting

"he likes to whine" and she's the one who can't leave the room from complaining sm lol auntie is so cute

ahh, the mandatory "a look around the room shows me you're truly passionate about what you do and you're deeper than i thought" scene..thankfully he didn't mutter "you like painting this much, huh" to nobody cause i was ready to yell HES AN ARTS MAJOR like he kicked you in the balls for a reason doofus

theyre giving us so many closeups of these two and i keep thinking "this is so drama/y im embarrassed" but i have no shame, if it's fun it's fun (and it's pondphuwin, youre not gonna hear me complain about looking at pond's face for too long or from too close)

reaching out to touch his face was a bold choice thoughh i lost it

man down badd man down baddd he was called an asshole and started gleaming like a light bulb

[sarahinara]

it's like 230am and I've already taken my meds but let's see how coherent I can manage to make this.

first oof omg. okay but the like. conflating of maine and the meta (with sigma & eventually the others) and the meta (without the ais) within fandom is so?? like distressing lmao.

the fandom wiki goes on and on about he was ambitious and conniving and power hungry but I just feel like that's so unfair?

because looking at the leaderboard across seasons nine and ten, I think the main reasons for him climbing the board are due to other people's actions and then like. taking a bullet or twenty to protect the briefcase/carolina during the terrible no-good very-bad heist™, and then once sigma gets involved it sure does seem like he does a lot of whispering in maine's ear. (the whole 'sic him' moment will never not be unsettling asdfghjkl)

BUT! but sigma was supposed to be carolina's and she gives him up so that maine can still communicate with the group but like. a decent majority of them can Already make sense of what he's saying? and sigma obviously has his own agenda like friendo iunno if your interpretation of what maine Means to say is wholly accurate.

I'm gonna get to Washington in a hot minute I just have a lot of feelings ;__; because he's got creativity&ambition via carolina, and then fear and happiness from her too. and then theta was next I think?? then gamma and omega, and finally delta? the order he acquires them in aren't intentional I'm sure but it still has me feeling like the pepe silva meme.

and he has So Many all at once? I mean there's that whole 'oh he was power hungry and that's why he&sigma are scooping all of the ais and tech up' but there's also that like. is it so wrong to want them to all be together? in the scheme of things? do they talk with one another in his head? is it Almost like being part of a team again? when does the mental exertion start to melt his brain and hollow him out into the seemingly single minded Meta? what was it like to suddenly have them all gone again? alone alone alone in his head and he can't even properly use his equipment anymore. absolute bullet in the kneecap no wonder he's so petulant and sassy to wash in s8.

anyways. pfl strong silent aggro tank maine and messy rookie 5ever washington make my heart hurt. they both (wash later, mostly) have that hair trigger tip into sudden sharp violence and Yet that 'my friends are in danger gotta toss myself in front of oncoming bodily harm bc that's how I operate' aspect to them as well. how washington is the only one still sitting in the lecture room while sigma fiddles around with the concept of metastability. like what was That about. those moments in s8 where it's almost back to normal exasperated banter? you can't see it but wash is prolly making exasperated lil bitchfaces all the time?

the whole. whose idea was it to bring the meta back along on the epsilon retrieval quest. his brain is prolly fried and he can't use his armor properly and his more than a little unstable. was it the chairman? surely he must have seen some sort of flaw in sending him back out there. was it washington? insisting that the shell of one of his dear friends needed to tag along with him? was there a trade thrown in there somewhere for maine's sake? would he have wasted away in some unsc prison somewhere if not?

wash knew the meta was likely going to try some nonsense when it came to epsilon (and later beta) and yet!!! and yet they're still a team and duoship weird not quite wary friends again not quite perfectly civil work partners. breaks my HEART!

anyways ;__;

okok putting my thoughts under a read more because this got long LMAO

pre-sigma maine (+wash)

YES justice for pre-sigma maine. when it come to the freelancers and the leaderboard, the only ones who reeeeeally cared about the rankings (that we saw) were carolina, south, and ct. the others mention it at points (york and north had a short convo about it), but they have the most reactions to changes/their placements on the board.

but maine? the guy who just does his job of kicking ass when asked? he’s not the one trying to jump off buildings and compete against his fellow agents (a la carolina after tex shows up), nor does he push himself to perform in the field (a la york after his eye injury). you’re absolutely right that maine probably  climbs the leaderboard because he’s just good at what he does.

I think that’s partially why I love the maine+wash duo so much—neither of them played to the project’s machinations of the leaderboard. wash comments so. many. times. about the absurdity of what they’re doing that partnering with maine is probably a breath of fresh air. no-nonsense, you-charge-ahead-I’ll-cover-the-field, oh-right-my-trackers-thanks—they know their strengths, that they’re good, and don’t need a leaderboard to tell them that.

post-sigma maine aka the meta

sigma is absolutely the source of any ambition for power in maine. at this point, the other AIs in use were omega, gamma, delta, and theta; tex probably didn’t talk to anyone about omega, gamma was just sorta odd, delta was calm but logical, and theta was unassumingly cute. maine didn’t have any reason to be overly cautious about sigma when he first got him, and sigma probably kept up pretences during their initial days in order to gain maine’s trust.

and then he has this AI, this piece of hardware wired into his brain and every thought—maybe sigma doesn’t interpret for maine 100% correctly, but he’s able to convince maine that he does. maybe sigma oversteps his boundaries as an AI, and goes down neural pathways he shouldn’t. then, when sigma whispers to maine, how is maine supposed to know if it’s the AI’s thoughts or his own?

I like to think that maybe that’s why he was able to have multiple fragments at once and still function, unlike carolina. whereas eta and iota kept to the AI-designated areas of their freelancer, sigma had such a handle on maine that his want to become human became maine’s as well, because suddenly he realizes that he feels the fragmentation as much as his AI does.

with each fragment he collects, maybe maine feels more whole despite the strain he’s putting on his body. each new voice in his head is like him remembering how to feel—happiness, fear, trust. when they talk to each other, it’s just like any other time he’s rationalized with himself.

this is when maine becomes the meta. when “maine”—everything he was before sigma was implanted—just becomes another fragment of the alpha, desperate for the other pieces that they lost. I don’t think meta is hollow-minded necessarily, but just an amalgamation that transforms maine away from what he once was.

post-meta maine (+wash)

the EMP goes off and it is so quiet.

I think maine is left reeling, still feeling like a fragment despite all biological evidence to the contrary, and doesn’t remember how to be human anymore. his combat abilities are deeply-ingrained muscle memory, but his thoughts? his emotion? the AIs were so intertwined with his mind that every flare of feeling is new and alarming.

then he meets S8 wash, and it only makes it so much worse. because the angry, betrayed man in front of maine is so conflicting with who he remembers, and he doesn’t have the capacity to process that. wash gives him an order and it’s so familiar and maine knows that he should trust wash, that he wouldn’t have hesitated once upon a time, but his mind is broken and all he can focus on is how quiet it is why can’t I trust you why can’t you trust anyone—

why does maine go with wash to search for epsilon? I think they’re both loose ends for freelancer, but neither with any lingering love for the project. wash is tired of it all; maine is a lost man wandering through each day. wash offers his efforts in exchange for his freedom; maine is offered freedom in exchange for his efforts. the chairman pairs them together because the records are clear—they were a good team, and they won’t come anywhere near freelancer after this.

I think if their goal was anything else, if they weren’t dealing with AIs, then maybe wash and maine could’ve come out from their mission a little better for it. his friend is broken but he’s here, and wash learns how to trust again when he feels that white armor pressing against his back in a firefight; his friend is broken but he’s here, and maine finds his own voice again when they’re killing time between objectives. with time, they both feel less alone.

but they were hunting epsilon, and this is maine’s chance to feel whole again, like how he felt when he had the fragments filling his head. there is no downtime, no chance for either of them to heal with their mission looming over their heads. maine might work with wash throughout S8, but when the opportunity presents itself to collect epsilon and beta? the opportunity to be human again?

he never had a choice.

[throwaway-yandere]

Happy new year everyone!!! Admittedly I suck at expressing myself so you'll have to forgive me if this comes across as a raw and chaotic mess lol. I'm not tagging the names either cause I'm a coward

It was incredibly fun running this blog!!! I never thought it last this long– and if probably wouldn't have it weren't for leftdestiny-post/shiro commenting on a fic haha (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠). Then I met some wonderful people, starting with like crying anon and their beloved elf darling, poptartthings, thatanonthatabsolutelyroastedtighnari, 😋 anon, veni, 🐠 anon, my mom exiled and hoo my brain is seriously a mess rn i can't type properly but i swear yall mean everything to me it's just that my aunts and uncles are all using the karaoke rn I can't hear my own thoughts but I need to write these all down before i pass out hAHAHHA (⁠ꏿ⁠﹏⁠ꏿ⁠;⁠) they're singing victims of love rn, idk if it's my heartbeat or the speaker anymore send help–

each of yall make me always look forward to waking up the next morning! Ranging from Assistant ✾ & esther anon trying to survive, brosch and their wonderful designs (i often imagine brosch and capitano just drawing designs in silent honestly, couple goals), bakery wondering how to calm dottore, 🐠 and mochi's drawings– you're all wonderful people!! Seriously still can't believe I got noticed my romanticaa and zhongrin what. I still get so nervous when interacting with both help hAHAHAH.

2022 did not feel real for many reasons, pretty sure I'm already dead and Faceless!Ayato buried me somewhere. Y'all are fun af. 🌠 anon idk how you're doing, but shoutout to you too for somehow reading my first diluc fic and going "yeah might as well see where this writer's career will lead". I wonder how many of yall are in the same position as them cause wtf man how are tall tolerating my idiotic writings hAHAHAHHA

((Just wanna shoutout poptart again cause mom idk what I'm gonna do with that 4 dollar tip 😭))

🐠, exiled and veni were my real highlight for OCMC. The alhaitham slanders– the betrayal– lmao i was just cackling like the gremlin that i am when I read exiled's ask after the last chapter I uploaded lmao. And signora-fanboy's reblog tags were funny too lol

It was fun cooping with exiled!!! It was fun reblogging jokes with zhongrin (and making me brainrot mafia!dain dhshdjwj)!!! I was so happy T^T!!!

And this december i get to talk to riabef and watatsumii too and they're both wholesome and lowkey/highkey chaotic i love you both! Where the heck am I even going with this message my braincells are not working BUT yeah my point is that it's so awesome that even as the year's about to end I still end up meeting new blessings in life 😭😭😭

I'll just shorten this part: I used to be a major loner. It's just that since my elementary days I've just come to expect a pattern that I'm friends with someone for a year until they move out of the country. It's like I was cursed with that happening every time until I just always expect people to have an expiration date lmao. Hence, I just wanna thank my irl friends Purple and Orange Friend/a-dose-of-phitre for being my longest best friends. They gave me confidence and no I'm not crying rn shut up. Idk why yall stuck with me. Wait no I do know the answer it's cause you both want someone to bully 😭 but to bully me for 6 and now going 7 years??? Aren't you both tired???

With that in mind– i SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE TO ME 😭😭😭I PROBABLY MENTIONED THAT A LOT BUT WHY ARE YOU GUYS NICE??? I DON'T DESERVE THAT WHEN I'M WRITING YOU ANONS TO SUFFER– IDK HOW TO PAY THOSE KINDNESS BACK YALL DON'T MAKE ANOTHER "gatorade milo rice discourse" SCENARIO 😭

Man i need to stop typing my body's last hurrah is fast approaching. Can't wait to read this tomorrow and go "there are so many grammar mistakes here not even grammarly would make an attempt to understand this mess" hAHAHAHAH

Okay, okay, yeahhh

Happy new year everyone!!! I'm gonna wait like 21 more minutes and wait till the world does a factory reset for 2023. Hope yall have a wonderful year!!! Enjoy the fireworks!!! Yoimiya worked hard for those 😤

[queenofthearchipelago]

Okay so, not gonna lie, I did have to look up what exactly RPF stood for so that I could properly engage with your reply here.

The Internet tells me that RPF stands specifically for Real People Fanfiction. (I have been in fandom for so long I feel embarrassed to not have known that lol, but hey, it wasn't my thing, so I guess it makes a little sense I didn't know that). But yeah, anyway, RPF is not exactly what this post is about.

I've scrolled past my fair share of Michael and David fanfic, and while I do think it's odd, I'm pretty much never going to judge anyone for their fanfic tastes, both in writing it or in reading it. I'm sure I have my fanfic tastes that would make you ask me why I enjoy fics like that. It's just human to be different and have different preferences with our fiction. And also, there's such a large pool of reasons for someone to write or read a fic. Maybe it's just for fun, maybe they're working through something, etc.

But, again, that's not what this post is speaking to. I'm speaking of something I've noticed in the fandom, where I've watched some blogs turn from being active members of the good omens fandom, to saying that the good omens fandom is Toxic Actually, and they ship Michael and David now.

Now listen to me, I am absolutely NOT saying that the good omens fandom is perfect. I've never had an issue here, I don't see hatred of any sort in this fandom but I also know that I've found my people and I largely stay out of the tags these days. I've found my circle and I'm so happy with all the meta, fanart, and fic writers I've become friends with. But this specific turn I've seen - Good Omens is a Toxic fandom and now I ship Michael and David - it feels like a strange choice. How do I explain this in a way that makes sense?

It feels like they can't ship Aziraphale and Crowley the way they wanted (because their experience of the fandom is toxic) and so they're turning to analyzing Michael and David in those ways instead.

I do agree with all you've said in your reply, it's actually really refreshing to read thoughtful insights on fandom and how we should approach others preferences when they differ from our own.

Especially since, yeah, people have been speculating about celebrities lives in invasive ways for as long as there have been celebrities to be curious about. But that doesn't make those speculations any less invasive, any less rude. And that tells me a lot about these people who speculate this way, it tells me a lot about their character.

Because yes, David and Michael have this fantastic close relationship. It's wonderful, I love the glimpses of it that we've gotten to see at award shows and in interviews. And yes, they both know about the fans of their relationship existing. And yes they do make jokes towards that.

But... they aren't Aziraphale and Crowley. There aren't any carefully laid out Clues. They don't want you to "figure out" that they're cheating on their partners with each other. They aren't hinting at a polycule because they can't just be open about it. (Like, they either would want us to know or they wouldn't.) They also aren't hinting at divorces from their partners or a separation.

They ALSO aren't "overcompensating" for a lack of sex in the bedroom at home with love-bombing in public because a divorce between David and Georgia is inevitable because David would rather sleep with Michael. (Yes, a take I read with my eyes.)

It tells me a lot about someone to see takes like this. To see a picture of David and Georgia smiling at each other and claiming it's fake because they clearly don't love each other anymore. (They literally have 5 young kids together, they work together all the time, and David makes as many sex jokes about Georgia in public as Michael makes about David. This totally looks like a loveless, sexless marriage from the outside. 😑)

These are people, not a jigsaw puzzles to figure out to make us feel smart or involved or like we know them. We don't know them.

And that was my point. Like yeah sure, go on and write the fics about the foursome. The rule about not bringing it TO the real people themselves, that seems like a good rule.

But from where I stand, speculation like this is dishonest (and it's usually presented with a very strong confidence.) and it's invasive and rude.

The F in RPF stands for Fiction. But this isn't about fiction. This is about assuming that a marriage of 15 years is a sham because those people act like they love each other in public. (Like yeah, I'd hope so...?) It's fabricating fiction about their real lives in a way that's presented as truth. As if you can, you should, and they want you to put the Clues together. So that the fans can have a secret club of being the only ones who Know The Truth.

It's just odd. It doesn't have to be this way and I'm sure that a great deal of the majority of people who like seeing Michael and David together don't go that far. But again, I'm talking about a subsection of the fandom here.

Thanks for replying, it was great to read your thoughts and I learned something! (If you want to continue discussion, I'm open to doing so!)

I'm genuinely shocked and a little disturbed that there's this subsection of the good omens fandom that has turned from just loving the show and shipping the characters to shipping Michael and David.

Like first of all, please don't ship real people.

Second, it goes even further than that with some people, somehow finding "evidence" to hate their partners and speculating about their sex lives.

It's just weird... I'm here for the good omens. I enjoy Michael and David as the actors and public figures they are, I enjoy the bits of their friendship that we get to see. But I'm not going to spend time speculating on whether or not they're divorcing their spouses, or how their sex lives are, or anything else going on behind the scenes.

A person being a public figure is not an invitation to speculate about them in invasive and quite frankly extremely rude ways. But that's just my take.

[kmwonpil]

re my dongheon b/w & coloured gifs: i can show/tell you how i did it if you want ! 💛

oh sarah hiiiii <3 and sure! ^^ I dont really do many effects on gifs cause I'm really lazy lol but I could def learn how☺️

[tarabyte3]

I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 11/27 (2.8k words)

->start at chapter 1<-

<- Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 ->

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst, orgasm denial, humiliation, slut shaming

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

A/N: I have added 2 new warning tags so make sure you check those out! I wish there was a better term for the last one, but I want to make sure everything is properly tagged and it's the best way for me to communicate as clearly as possible that there's a dude being an asshole to the Reader in this chapter. And it's NOT Kino. (Okay not just Kino.) Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. Previous chapter links up above.

AO3 Link

Chapter 11 - I've been a bad, bad girl

Things have been going well.

Things have been going too well.

You're starting to get the hang of not talking back and thinking before you speak. Because you're always thinking about how much Kino likes it when you're good, so your filter improves. It becomes part of the routine. Even your pod notices. Some of them with admiration (Sorrek and Jevid) and some of them with dismay (Taybus and Alis).

Kino was definitely correct when he said he knew what you needed. That you don't respond to yelling. Because it turns out, the thing you respond to is him.

Unfortunately your mind is so full of Kino that you aren't prepared for triggers to your impulsivity outside of your routine. Outside of the things that you've been practicing and can think through.

So when you're heading for a break in the middle of your shift, and from table 4 you hear your name followed by the words "Kino's bitch," you stop. You tense. And you're turning before you can think about it.

"Must be nice to serve your time doing nothing but bossing people around all day and getting laid at night. Or getting special treatment because you suck the boss's dick." There are a few chuckles at your expense, even though some of them see you standing there and know you can hear all of it.

"Excuse me?" Your voice is careful and controlled, but still manages to sound every bit as furious as you actually are. Maybe you've been spending too much time getting yelled at by Kino.

"Wasn't talking to you." The man, whose name you don't know, says sharply. You take a step towards the table.

"No, you were just intentionally talking about me, loudly, while I was walking by so I would hear it. In an attempt to, what? Make me feel ashamed?" You take another step closer, every movement controlled and tight. "Sad? Cowed? Humiliated?"

"I don't know, any reason you should feel any of those things? Like spreading your legs for the shift manager? As a random example." He shrugs.

"Classy." You smile at No Name, and it doesn't reach your eyes.

"You're definitely not that." He glances at several of the other men at his table, and they all laugh.

"You seem really preoccupied with whether or not I'm fucking anyone." You fake pout at him. "You got a crush? Wish it was you, maybe?"

He glares at you. "You wish."

You tilt your head at him. "If I really was Kino's bitch, how did you think this would end for you? Hmm?"

He rolls his eyes. "Why, you gonna sick him on me for being mean? Because nothing we said was wrong. We all know you're fucking him."

"Nah. Why bother wasting his time on something that doesn't matter? I don't even know your name, dude! But you sure know mine, huh? I think we both know I'm not the one with my panties in a bunch here." You hear one of What's His Face's tablemates choke on a sudden laugh before he can stop himself, and you grin knowing you struck a nerve. The guy next to him hits him with a 'shut up.' You lean forward and lower your voice. "So instead I'm gonna fuck him so good he won't be able to see straight, keep crushing your ass in the numbers, and go back to forgetting you even exist. But word of advice before I do? Jealousy isn't a good look for you."

When he looks away, you know you won whatever weird, jealous display of masculine posturing and defiance this was. You know none of them will ever treat you like that again. At least not to your face. As if getting laid dehumanized you or concentrated your worth as a woman down to being Kino's bitch. As if they could ever make you feel small when he made you feel like the center of the fucking galaxy.

"Enjoy last place, assholes." You give the rest of his table the finger as you walk away backwards, feeling fucking awesome about how you handled that situation. You really wish your table had heard because they would lose their shit. Especially Alis because you—you back into something solid.

You turn to see what it is, and find yourself looking directly into Kino's furious face.

"Kino!" You gasp. A little wave of panic washes over you. "How are you so fucking sneaky all the damn time?! And how…how much of that did you hear?" You hear a snicker behind you. He glares over your shoulder at the table, which immediately silences it.

"I heard enough." He grits out.

"Oh," is all you can say.

"Yeah, 'oh.'" He grabs you by your upper arm. "What did I say about coming to me first if you have a problem with someone?"

"To do so?" You wince.

"Good, you were paying attention!"

"He started it." You mumble under your breath. Because, well, he did. And because telling that asshole off may have made you a little cocky.

You know immediately that he hears you because then he's dragging you by the arm out to the hallway.

At first you're angry and indignant because he HAD started it. HE didn't go to Kino first. HE called you Kino's bitch. And he's not even in trouble. That's so fucking stupid!

Then you realize: if he was being dragged out to the hallway with you, you couldn't be punished, and oh right! You're about to have Kino's hands on you.

He pulls you into the alcove and lets you go with a light shove. You stumble, but quickly right yourself and turn to face him.

"What the hell was that?" He shouts, and you begin to wonder if maybe he's actually really mad at you.

"He called me your bitch! And insulted you!" You feel yourself begin to grow defensive.

"So?! What do you care what that asshole says?"

"I don't! I just didn't want anyone talking shit about you! Because if he's saying it, that means other people are saying it!"

"I can handle them just fine," he says confidently.

"You don't need to because I already handled it." Your defensiveness is melting into exasperation because you don't understand why he isn't more upset at the other guy. Why isn't he defensive about you.

"That's NOT how this works!" He hisses.

"Fine! But I'm supposed to just let someone call me your bitch?"

"No! That's why you come to me first! Instead of attracting attention!"

"I wasn't attracting attention! Except maybe embarrassing him." You huff.

He grabs you by the shoulders, shoves you into the wall, and closes the distance so he's pinning you there. "You said you were going to fuck me so good I wouldn't be able to see straight. Or did you forget that part?"

You squirm, suddenly overwhelmed at feeling him against you, and a little turned on as he says the part about you fucking him. "How could I?" You groan.

"Well, I hope it was worth not getting to fuck me anytime soon." He growls.

Your face falls. "I didn't…" you bite your lip to stop yourself from finishing your sentence. Instead you just say, "I'm sorry."

"I know you aren't. Not really." He leans forward to snarl in your ear, "but you will be." Then he releases you and takes a step back.

You whimper, "Kino, please. I AM sorry!"

"Turn around and bend over." His voice is hard and unyielding as he ignores your pleading.

You push yourself away from where you're still leaning against the wall and follow his instructions without argument. You know there's no point anymore. He's going to punish you. If you argue, you'll just make it worse for yourself. Though there's a part of you that thrills with excitement at the thought. The rest of you knows you're already going to miss out on more because of it and that fucking sucks.

While you're bent forward and staring at the wall, you can hear him shuffling around behind you. You want to look over your shoulder so badly, but you know it will just make him angrier. It's a shock when he pushes your shirt up to your waist and exposes your back. You shiver in anticipation wondering if he might touch you, but then he grabs the waistband of your pants and pulls them down to expose your ass as well. Now you think he's going to spank you instead, and you don't completely hate the idea. There's more shuffling behind you and you can feel him standing close.

"Keep your eyes forward," he orders.

You gulp and nod as you ready yourself for the stinging pain of a slap on your bare ass. But it never happens. Instead you begin to hear the slick sound of flesh sliding against flesh and he moans, deep in his throat.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

He's touching himself.

He's jerking off behind you and you aren't allowed to look.

Fuck.

"You're going to walk around the rest of the day," his breath catches, "thinking about what you missed out on tonight."

"Kino, I'm—"

"Be quiet," he growls. "Bend over farther."

You lean forward so your ass is sticking up into the air, completely on display for him. If you reached your arms out, you could touch the floor. It reminds you so much of last night that you feel a swell of wetness at the thought. His foot nudges the inside of your ankle and harshly pushes it outward, and you shift your stance wider to stop from falling over. He groans and the sound of his fist speeds up. It's then you realize he can probably see your dampening sex as well. Which means his erection is inches away from your spread opening. You brace your hands on the floor as your knees feel weak.

"If you'd behaved, you could have finally sucked my cock," he pants. You let out a little sob of frustration. "I could've come in your mouth. I wanted to come in your mouth. That would have been a better use for it than running it off."

Your sob turns into a wail, which you bite down so the sound doesn't echo. You want to cry and beg and grovel, but you know it's too late. He isn't the kind of man to change his mind easily or lose control. You have to really work for it to get it to happen. Like last night, you think with another wave of arousal.

"God, I can see how wet you are. You love this, don't you?" He groans. "Being punished."

"Yes," you say so quietly that you wonder if he even heard you.

"Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to fuck you right now? To slide into you? I'd just have to thrust forward and I could be deep inside of you. I bet you would be so tight for me." Something lightly brushes against your folds and you can't tell if it's his knuckle or something else. You're so horny and frustrated that you start to cry.

"Would you like me to?"

"Yes," you weep.

"If you wanted my come inside of you, then you should have thought about that before you opened your mouth!" His voice is strained and you can hear his breathing becoming erratic. "Instead you're going to wear it again."

"Please, I'm sorry! I was just trying to help," you choke out. "I won't do it again, I swear! Kino, please!"

"No, you won't do it again." He lets out a deep, pleasurable groan. One that you recognize now, and the thought makes your eyes burn with fresh tears and your core throb with want. There's the warm splatter of his release on your lower back, across your ass, and down your thighs as he paints you with his come. He continues to suck in hisses of air and grunt as he shudders and strokes out the last of climax behind you.

You let out a small sob into the ensuing silence. He sighs heavily through his nose, disappointed, but doesn't say anything. You don't move as you hear him tucking himself back into his clothing. After his own uniform is straightened, he slides your pants back up over your hips and to your waist. Then he lifts your shirt and gently lowers it over your back, covering his mess with your clothes.

"Leave it until you shower after the shift," he orders.

"But Kino-" you straighten up and start to protest because that's four hours you have to stand at your table like this.

"I said leave it," he growls.

You nod back at him with your eyes on the floor, dejected. "Yes, Kino," you murmur. You can feel something running down the middle of your back, and you try not to shiver. Or think about it, or else you won't think about anything else.

"Now get back on the floor." He steps to the side.

You had considered staying behind so you could hide in the corner and touch yourself while thinking about his hand on his cock as he teased your entrance. But he must have read your mind and wanted to deny it to you. For now. OR he was worried you would try to clean up. Maybe both.

You walk past him, nearly brushing your shoulder against his arm as you do. It's a very different feeling that settles in your chest as you walk back to your table this time around versus five days ago when you wanted to sob on the floor. Because you're upset, you're disappointed, you're even angry, but you're not broken.

And was it really only five days ago? Have you only been doing this for five days? Maybe it's because it feels like you've been doing this since the moment he grabbed you by the uniform. Maybe you have been, even though you were too off kilter to realize.

You take your place at your table. Alis glances up and starts to say, "welcome back," but instead his eyes widen as he takes in your blotchy red face and puffy eyes.

"What the hell? What happened to you?" He asks, concerned. Everyone else at the table looks up from what they're doing and you watch the concern spread amongst them as they see your appearance.

"I'm mostly fine, I promise, but I'll tell you after shift." You sniffle and take a deep calming breath. "Jevid, how are the numbers?" Your voice is still shaky and you're trying not to think about your back.

"Down by less than a rack. Eight right now."

"Think we can catch up and take first?" You give him a determined look.

He puffs his cheeks out as he sighs. "It could be doable. It'd be close though."

"How about it fellas?" You look around at the rest of them. "Wanna help me take first?"

Threl stares at you for a moment, like he's trying to deduce what happened just based on your mood. "Why's that, kid?"

"Because there are some mother fuckers at table 4 I want to punch in their stupid faces, but I can't so destroying them in the numbers is all I got."

Several of them look over at table 4, where some of the men there are also glancing up in your direction.

"Did they do this?" Sorrek's voice is low and dangerous, not the gentle woe of sad dad. He straightens to his full, now admittedly intimidating, height and glowers at them. Kino's words about Sorrek's previous occupation ring in your ears.

"I was crying because Kino yelled at me, but they're the reason." You clear your throat. "I'll tell you all what happened after shift, I swear, but until then, they deserve it. So you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in. Those guys are assholes anyway." Alis begins tightening a bolt and you've never known how he moves that fast. He makes you feel clumsy and slow.

"Hell yeah!" Taybus is so excited, he shakes Edii by the shoulder and the other man just stares at him. Bewildered, but not angry. Which is progress.

"Well, then let's kick it into gear. Don't forget to sound off when you're done and call out parts. Goes faster when we get a feel for the whole table." Threl says as he begins to move. Everyone else begins to follow his lead.

Your table takes the shift by one fucking part. That's only because you guys got the last one put up minutes before the bell. …And because table 3 had a slight malfunction that slowed them down enough that you could catch up. You'll still take it.

You know Kino will be proud of you and it will somewhat make up for him being angry. That fills you with gratification. You also know table 4 is pissed. Partially because you're sneering at them. But mostly because they're about to be fried. And that also fills you with gratification.

A/N: That's right. I "Secretary (2002) starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader"-ed them. Just added a Kino punishment twist. I regret nothing. I live outside of God's sight and by consequence outside of his love.

Also, boy, I really am doing everything I can to keep them from fucking for as long as possible, huh? 😇

And I promise things get better for her in Chapter 12! 😏 In the meantime, have another chapter meme:

NEXT CHAPTER->

[daemonhxckergrrl]

oh, sick, thanks for the tag !! that's cool you main BSD - i've been meaning to properly try one of them but had a few teething issues in my VM so it's probably gonna be a future project when i have the time.

i also agree about good man pages ! both documentation and code should be easy to read and to follow.

i very much straddle the world of computers and the world of music (surprise surprise i play keys :3 ) but i've been into both since i got exposed to them. like one my earliest computer experiences was accidentally yeeting all the desktop icons off the screen and crashing explorer.exe so the taskbar disappeared on my dad's win98 machine (may have been 95 at that point, idk when he upgraded the OS).

but i got to experience early 00s linux on a pentium 3 (suse 9.2 my beloved - i still have the install CDs and manuals !!) and found power of computers alluring.

i must've been around 10 or so when i got to build my first computer - a bundled kit from Maplin (UK electronics store that is mostly online now and was way cooler in the 00s when they sold everything from resistors to "blank" PCBs to those big computer cases that looked like a jet engine). we used an emachines case and over the next 5-6 years i got to upgrade it w/ a sound card, dedicated graphics, more ram...i still have the computer and recently replaced a bunch of the leaking capacitors on the motherboard over on @multimetermagic - that system ran most flavours of linux at some point and was heavily borked multiple times as i started tinkering and trying to learn how operating systems work.

i'm late to the programming side of things despite trying as a kid (guides on how to write a simple game in visual c# aren't helpful when you don't know what a function scope is bc you're 9 years old and only know how to follow the words printed in the magazine you're reading), but i love learning ! and i love seeing what makes stuff tick.

there's so many layers, so much complexity - circuit design, hardware and software standards, drivers, firmware, OS design, programming languages, UI and UX development, graphics, machine learning, and much more !

some may look at the trends of managers in tech startups demanding the use of blockchain or AI in things that have no use for either, the move to web frameworks for local applications, the way so many things are being locked further and further down and all the increases in telemetry and surveillance of end users, and decide the world of computers i no longer for them.

i look at the way things are going and reaffirm that this world is for me bc those things need to be fought and challenged. we have so much knowledge we need to keep alive, and i want to be part of that. and to help educate and spark interest in other people.

i want people to be curious about how their devices work, to ask questions and to poke around at them. i want people to realise the command line isn't scary, to attempt basic programming in something easy like python, i want people to understand on some level the way their laptop or their phone works, to be able to analyse its behaviour. i want people to have the knowledge to protect their privacy, and to be able to repair and properly maintain their devices.

i love that i can tell my computer to perform tough calculations in seconds that would take me hours. i love that it does exactly what i tell it (i also hate that it doesn't do what i thought i told it xD ) and that there are patterns that can be predicted and verified. i can reasonably guess how a particular system works bc i understand other, similar, things.

also i think most home computers pre-2010ish are sexy, i think industrial and lab electronics are sexy, i think synths are very sexy :3

@systemhalt tagged me here, figured i’d play with this “trend”.

CodeBLR Tag GAME:

Question:

> At what point in your life did you decide that the world of computers was the one for you?

hm, tough one. for me, as a self-named autodidact, i always have thought that any computing system, in both User interface, User Experience, “Hack”ability, and foolproof simplicity, were paramount virtues for a solid computing environment.

In particular i always took a liking to the elegant rigidity of source code, and i had the autist desire to decipher it best i could.

I had bought a toshiba school chromebook from my school district after they got new models, and i heard of this cool thing called “Ubuntu”. a friend of mine at the time, offered me a link with the steps to set up SeaBIOS native legacy booting on this chromebook, to which i installed Ubuntu 14.04 LTS on.

I grew up in a macOS household so the Unity Desktop environment used in Ubuntu at that time, was very welcoming.

After learning the Ubuntu commands, I got hooked. I quickly grew a special interest/appreciation for Unix-like systems, and eventually I read “The Humane Interface”- by Jef Raskin, an ex-Apple interface designer, and his rather radical approach to computing further fueled my interest in computing interfaces.

There are a number of other Key Points in my life that kept my drive in computing. I have landed on OpenBSD for a number of reasons, that i will quickly attempt to summarize here:

Predictability of system, lean code is important

On machine documentation is the most important on a system. Badly written manpages are considered a bug, not a flaw or a quirk.

Stupidly Stable. As a stoner, i can be fairly reckless on my systems. I run gentoo linux as well, but i seldom run it when in the clouds. GNU/Linux, when asked, will essentially give you the keys to the car, and the US missile codes, with not a care of the consequences. OpenBSD, on the otherhand, keeps a tight “shackle” per se, on my rather chaotic neutral antics when i’m swimming the seas of Santraginus V. OpenBSD has been my personal tried and true system.

@daemonhxckergrrl is who i will tag here, i don’t interact with most w//ckies on here, i could give a rat’s #sh if people care what i spew. But, they seem to have similar views in computing, and i see fit.

[storyofmychoices]

Team Effort

[Levi Schuler x Laura Day Masterlist]

Pairing: Levi Schuler x Laura Day [F!MC] with Lily (daughter) Book: Mother of the Year (around chapter 10-11) Word Count: ~850 Rating: General

Prompts: @choicesaugustchallenge Pink; @choicesbookclub : MOTY Replay Chapter 13

Synopsis: Levi is working on a special project and he needs Lily's help. (This takes place around the same time as chapter 13) [Fluff]

"Hey, Rocket."

"Hi, Levi!" Lily wrapped her arms around him snuggly. "Mom says you have a surprise for me?"

"I do! It's sorta a part two to your birthday present! Did you bring your toolbox?"

Lily took a step back, grabbing the pink case she had set down to hug him. "Got it right here!"

"Follow me, just watch your step." Levi led her carefully to the work area he had set up outside the apartment building.

Her head tilted to the side as she observed a series of wooden panels in different shapes lying on drop cloths. "What is all this?"

"You'll see!" He smiled at her. He knew she'd figure it out rather quickly, but for the moment, he enjoyed that it would be a surprise. "I had a buddy of mine cut the shapes we're gonna need, but each piece needs to be sanded. We want to make sure everything is smooth so we can paint them. Think you can help with that?"

"I think I can handle that!" She offered, thoughtfully nodding her assent.

"The first thing you're going to want to do is get the safety goggles and gloves from your toolbox. I've got some sandpaper here. You're gonna take a piece and gently rub it along the wood following the grain." Levi modeled carefully with one of the larger pieces. "Why don't you start with those smaller triangle pieces, and I'll take these."

"You got it!" Lily followed his directions perfectly and set out to work. "Just so you know, these aren't actually triangles. They do have three sides like a triangle, but one is rounded. So it can't be a triangle. A triangle is a polygon, and polygons are made of line segments so all the sides need to be straight."

He chuckled under his breath. She was unlike any nine-year-old he had ever met before.

After they finished sanding each piece, they wiped them down, removing any remaining dust before painting. Levi watched Lily work. She took pride in each step of the process. He could tell she was still working out what the project was going to be in the end. He had purposefully kept the pieces out of order to make the task a little more challenging.

Laura brought the hard-working pair a picnic lunch along with some games to play while they waited for the quick-dry paint to fully set. Lily, who normally dominated the matches, found herself distracted as she continued checking the time, eager to return to their project.

"It's time!" Lily finally declared. "It's dry. Now what?"

"Now we put it together." Levi took the two larger pieces and put their straight edges together. "Can you hold this piece like this while I put a bracket on the back?"

"Sure!" Lily put her safety goggles and gloves back on and took over, holding the panel as Levi placed a series of brackets down the spine where the two met.

"Next, we need to measure and mark a tiny line at each of these intervals." He handed her a piece of paper, then paused to demonstrate. "Start here and measure going like this."

"You got it!" Lily gave him a quick salute and retrieved the tape measure from her pink toolbox. She followed the model on the paper making tiny marks as directed. When she finished, she stepped back, noticing how the pieces she sanded earlier would fit inside. "Are we making shelves?"

"You could say that!" Levi drilled small holes and then directed Lily to insert dowels in those spots. "Looks good. Let's see if the not-triangle pieces fit in now."

Lily carefully slide the pieces over the pegs, watching as they slipped into place. Her eyes grew wider as the pieces finally came together. "Is this a... rocket bookshelf?"

"Almost! I think these will help." He handed her some official NASA logo stickers.

"THESE ARE SO COOL!" She beamed, sticking them on the tail fins.

"What do you think?"

"It's amazing!" She bounced, taking in the project they'd spent the day working on together.

His eyes brightened, watching her survey their hard work. He couldn't have asked for a better partner on the project. "We still have to bring it upstairs and attach it to your wall. We'll add the tail fins at the end."

The pair cleaned up their outdoor work area and loaded the bookshelf onto a dolly to bring upstairs. Laura had cleared a spot in Lily's room while they were busy working and prepped the area. Before long, Levi and Lily had the shelf positioned and properly affixed to the wall.

"Ahhh!" Lily screamed, dancing in front of her new bookshelf. "I love it so much." She ran to Levi throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Rocket." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm glad we could do this together."

"Mom! Come look! We finished!" She called excitedly.

"Woah! That looks amazing!" Laura cheered, impressed with the final result. "You did a great job!"

"Thanks!" Lily beamed, taking in her new bookshelf. She slipped her small hand into Levi's. "It was a team effort."

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this. Tags are in a reblog. Please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed 💖

A/N: I love Lily's pink toolbox for no reason. I just thought it was such a unique and adorable gift from Levi, because it had the added promise that they'd use it together, which warmed my heart.

[rogeriswater]

Don’t Leave Me Now

xiv

This work contains fictionalized versions of real events and people. Most details won’t be accurate to real life.

tags for this chapter: p.o.v changes, beginnings of infidelity

~m.r~

Our tour in America was back on for the first half of November. We were in Los Angeles right now. It was going okay, but we were all getting really worried about Syd. It seemed as he really wasn't into this tour at all. Like he was lost somewhere.

Take tonight for example, we had an appearance on The Pat Boone Show. Syd just stared off into space the whole time we performed, and he wasn't putting much effort into miming. When it came to answering questions, he'd give very terse answers, confusing everybody.

The whole Syd situation aside, I also had a Roger situation. I was doing my absolute best to avoid him when I could. It hurt me every time he would try to talk or interact with me in some manner, and I would just walk away. I saw his face every time I did it. It made me feel guilty. But what else could I do? I was in too deep in this attraction now. The minute I'm alone with Roger, I'm not gonna be able to control myself.

The boys decided to go out drinking tonight at the hotel's bar. With the exception of Syd. Roger (through Rick) told me that he chose to just stay in their room and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. I decided to stay behind too, my obvious reason being Roger. I promised the boys that I would be checking in on Syd throughout the night.

I was watching some movie on the television. It was muted and I wasn't really paying any attention to it. It mostly due to my talking with Virginia on the phone. "How is it going over there?" She asked me.

"Syd's been really out of it for every performance we've had" I truthfully told Ginny. "He can't even mime or lip-synch properly"

"And you're really worried about him, aren't you?"

"Of course! I mean, I haven't known Syd as long as the boys have but he is my friend, y'know"

"Just give him time, Maggie. He'll get better soon. But other than Syd, how is everything else?"

"I hate lip synching on the television appearances" I admitted. Was it really a "live" performance if we weren't actually playing anything? "And don't get me started on the male hosts eyeing like I'm a piece of meat" I thought back to the way Mr. Boone had been staring at me. It made me feel uncomfortable but I had managed to hide it.

"Don't let them get to you. Besides, if any guy really decided to mess with you, you've got four boys there with you who would be at your side in an instant" Ginny said. I've only really talked about the band maybe once or twice to Virginia. "Now, Ronnie recently showed me a picture of all you guys together"

Oh, that must've been the photo she had taken of us at the airport before we left. It's really a shame that Ronnie couldn't make it this time. "And I must say," Ginny continued. "How did you get so lucky to work with such attractive guys, like honestly?"

I giggled. "They are very attractive yes, but I only see them all as friends" Except for the one you're ignoring because you like him more than you should like a friend.

"Who's the one who had his arm around you?" Ginny asked. "He's a cutie"

"That would be Roger" I couldn't help the smile as I thought about him. I really was being an idiot for ignoring him, wasn't I? It's not his fault I was infatuated by him. Maybe I should go to the hotel bar and talk to him.

"Billy told me you two are ready to have a baby" Virginia said, knocking me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"A baby" Virginia repeated. "You and Billy are trying for a baby. And I tell you, it's about time. I'm ready for a little niece or nephew"

"Yeah, we are" I said. "You know, I was beginning to think that maybe Billy didn't want children at all, but he was the one who suggested we start trying"

"Well, when the time comes you'll be a great mum, and Billy a wonderful dad" I could hear Ginny beaming on the other end. "Bobby is crying. I've got to go make sure he's okay"

"Tell him Auntie Maggie says hi. And say hi to Lee for me too, alright?" Virginia and I said our goodbyes, and then the line went dead. Now that I was truly alone, I decided now was a good time to go check on Syd.

I left the room and went to Roger and Syd's shared room which was next to mine. I knocked first and tried turning the knob, but it was locked. Great, Syd has locked himself in his room, and I don't have a key to get in. I tried knocking again. "Syd, it's Maggie! Are you doing alright?"

I didn't get an answer. I knocked and tried talking to him again. "I'm a little lonely and I would really appreciate some company. Can I come in?" Again, no answer. I sighed, feeling defeated and I made the decision to return to my room. I did contemplate going to the bar to seek out Roger and apologize to him, but I chickened out and decided against it.

~r.w~

Fuck, I was feeling so miserable. I couldn't even find it in me to get drunk. Maybe it was because Syd was deteriorating mentally, or perhaps it was because Maggie hasn't said a whole goddamn word to me during this entire tour. Any time I would try to talk to her, she would turn around and walk away. Had I upset her in someway? I'd apologize to her but I have no fucking clue what I've done.

I was currently sitting at the bar with Nick. "You probably deserve it, whatever you did to our poor Maggie" Nick said.

I glared at him. "I didn't anything to her. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her"

"Then why is she so pissed with you?"

"I have no fucking idea!" She hadn't even been a part of the band for six months even, and I was afraid she was going to leave me. I mean...us. Leave us. "You think she's going to quit?"

"She will if you don't get your act together with her" Nick said. Again, I did nothing wrong. At least, I hope I didn't. Nick pat me on the back. "Look, you should go talk to her and work things out with her, before she decides that this tour is her last one with us"

Nick left me alone presumably to go find Rick. He was right. I should go talk to her. Maggie's my best friend and I don't want her to leave the band because of me. She's an integral part, even if she just provides the vocals for us.

I finished off the rest of the drink that I had. I'm sure Nick and Rick could see me rushing to leave, but I didn't bother to tell them I was leaving. Maggie was important to me in this moment. Not either of them.

Taking the elevator up to our floor seemed to take so long, but it did give me the chance to figure out what I was going to say to Maggie. And as stupid a decision it may be, I was going to come clean to her. Tell her how I feel about her. If she hates me for it and quits, well, at least I'm getting it off my chest.

The elevator dinged as it stopped and the doors opened. I marched to her room. Then, I found myself in front of her door. I raised my fist to knock on her door, but before I could, the door opened and I was face to face Maggie.

"Maggie"

"Roger"

We said each other's names at the same time. Then, we started to laugh about it. "Where are you heading off to, sunshine?" I asked her, once we both had calmed down.

"I was on my way to the bar" Maggie explained. She rubbed her arm. "To go talk to you, actually. What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you, too"

She smiled at me. She finally smiled at me. Yes, during our performances, she would look my way and smile, but those ones seemed force. But, here she was, giving me a genuine smile. "Shall I go first? Or do you want to?"

"You first"

"I was on my way down to apologize to you" She started to explain. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's something I did, and I was just taking it out on you for no good reason"

"Well, why take it out on me? Nick and Rick deserve it as much as I do, if not more" She gave me a look. "I was only joking"

"I know, but it still wouldn't make much sense considering I don't have feelings for either of them"  She confessed. I looked at her in shock. Had she really just said that? "I have feelings for you Roger, okay? And I know I shouldn't. I thought by ignoring you, those feelings would some how disappear but they didn't. It only made them worse because of how guilty I was feeling and the fact that I was missing you"

"Is that really true, darling?" She looked away from me, almost shamefully. "Please, don't look away from me" I cupped her face and made her look at me again. "Do you truly have feelings for me?"

"Yes" She said quietly. "I can't deny it any more, Roger"

"I feel the same way about you, darling" I admitted to her. "I've been so drawn to you since the moment I met you" I started moving my face closer to hers. "Something about you is so enticing.

I saw her eyes flicker to my lips. She licked her own before looking back at my eyes. "Kiss me"

Our lips met in a passionate kiss. I didn't care about the fact that we were in the hallway, and someone could walk out of their room and catch us in the act. The only thing I cared about right now was the fact that I was finally getting what I wanted. When we pulled away, we had to stare at each other. "You're fucking incredible, you know that?" I told her.

She smiled. "So, are we...?" Maggie trailed off, now playing with my scarf.

I knew what she was asking. "Do you want to be, darling?"

"I'm willing to try this if you are" She wrapped her arms around me and put her head against my chest. "Spend the night with me?"

"Of course I will" I promised her. She looked up at me, smirking at me as she pulled me inside her room.

 ...

The two of us sat against the headboard on the bed. Maggie leaned against me, her head resting comfortably against my shoulder. There was a movie playing on the television, but it was muted. My arm was wrapped around her waist. The two of us shared a cigarette. Whenever she wanted a drag of it, I held it to her lips for her.

"Can I ask you something, love?" I spoke up. She hummed in response. "The first night we were in America, you kissed me then, but that same night you wouldn't kiss me again? What happened?"

"Oh" Maggie muttered, like she was scared to tell me. "Well, that night Billy told me he was ready to start a family. I guess it brought back my marital bliss. And I made a big deal about it because he was the one telling me he was ready"

"I suppose you want a family, then"

"Well, I mean I thought Billy and I would have one by now. We've been married for seven years" Her voice wavered, like she was unsure of herself.

"But, do you want a baby?"

"Yeah, I've always wanted one" Maggie said. "But maybe now the timing isn't right for me to have one. I mean, I've got you guys now" She obviously referred to the band. "And we've started to tour. I don't think being pregnant and touring is a good idea"

Personally, I thought that Maggie was right about the timing being wrong. How would she focus on our music if she was to become a new mum? Then again, I'm probably saying that because I don't want to see her become pregnant with his kid. It would just be a reminder that she's completely his at the end of day.

"What about you, Roger? Ever think about having kids?" Maggie asked me.

I shrugged, taking a drag of the cigarette. "I'm not too worried about having kids, honestly. Just like I'm not too worried about getting married, either"

She looked up at me. "You're really not gonna marry Judy, huh?"

I chuckled. "That's funny. My mistress encouraging me to marry my girlfriend"

"Calling me your mistress already?"

"Would you prefer lover instead?" I brushed my lips against her ear.

"Mmm, that sounds perfect" She replied. Her head turned to look at me. Her nose bumped against mine. Her hand caressed my face. "I'm gonna change into my nightie, alright?" She kissed me quickly before getting off of me and heading into the bathroom.

~m.r.~

When I got into the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, leaned against it and started giggling like a school girl with a crush. Well, half of that was true. I did have a crush, but I wasn't a school girl. I'm sure Roger heard me but I knew he'd probably be smirking about it.

God, I haven't felt this way in so long. I think last time I actually felt this way was when my relationship with Billy just started. I can't believe it took me this long to agree to be with Roger. My marriage kept me from doing that before, but now I didn't care. Something has felt different about my marriage for months now. With that being said, I still love Billy, and I don't think I could ever leave him.

I undressed and grabbed my nightgown. It was a short, blue baby doll nightgown. White lace trimmed the neckline, straps,  and hem of it. It was a bit see through as well, and you could tell that I wasn't wearing a bra or underwear with it. I didn't think Roger would mind though.

When I left the bedroom, I saw that Roger had taken his shirt off. I had to bite my lip to keep the gasp from escaping my mouth. He was so fit. His stomach and chest were nicely toned. His shoulders were broad. And his arms. I've never been so turned on by a man's arms before. His biceps were prominent as were the veins in his forearms.

"You're staring at me, darling" Roger pointed out, a smug smirk drawn across his face.

I blushed at the fact that I got caught. "How can I not? You're gorgeous" Roger watched me intently as I walked over to him. When I was close enough to him, I reached and touched his shoulder. I ran my hand along his shoulder, and against his bicep, taking the time to feel the muscle beneath my palm. Then, I felt up his forearm. I could feel the bulging veins. "You've got sexy arms"

"You like 'em, do you?"

"Very much" You can't talk about this man's confusingly sexy arms, without mentioning those beautiful hands of his. They were so big with long, beautiful fingers. "And you have lovey hands. The way these fingers play the bass, it makes a girl wonder"

Roger bit his lip, eyeing me up and down. He put his hand on my side and rubbed up and down. "This leaves little to the imagination. I can almost see your tits through this" He stopped to fondle my breast.

"Are you really going to sleep with your pants on?" I asked.

"I've got nothing on underneath" He admitted.

Oh. My naughty little eyes glanced downward. I saw the bulge in his pants. If that's how big he looked through his pants, I could only imagine how his cock really looked. I bit my lip and looked back up at him. "Can I see?" I boldly asked.

Roger clicked his tongue. "You're a naughty little minx, aren't you?" He held me closer against him and put his forehead to mine. "Not tonight, darling. I want to take my time with you. I don't want to rush into the sex"

"But isn't that what an affair is? Isn't it just about the sex?"

"But I don't just want sex with you" Roger sounded very serious about that. "I want an emotional connection with you"

"So, does that mean you'd want to take me out on dates and stuff?"

Roger smiled. "I suppose so, but just don't expect big romantic gestures from me. I don't do that shit"

I giggled. "I can live with that" Roger kissed me again. He picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He set me down on my back while he was on top of me.

We went at it like this for a while. Just kissing and touching. He started kissing along my neck. When he was satisfied with all the kisses he gave me, he fell beside me. His arm wrapped around my waist. I turned my head so that I was looking into his beautiful green eyes. He was grinning at me, clearly content with the position we were in.

"I want to be with you for as long as I possibly can" He told me. That was the last thing he said to me before we both drifted off to sleep.

~r.w~

Last night felt like a dream. I mean it had to be, right? Maggie agreed to be with me. But it was real. And I knew that when I opened my eyes to find her sleeping peacefully next to me. I didn't wake her. I just stared at her as I stroked her hair.

Had this been any other girl, I would've just fucked her and kicked her out. I've done it before. I'm not gonna pretend like I've been the most faithful person to Judy. But it wasn't going to be like that with Maggie.

Her eyes eventually opened. She smiled at me. "Morning"

"Morning, darling" I repeated her greeting. And without another word, I leaned in to kiss her. Her hand moved to cup my face and I held onto her waist.

A knock on the door disturbed us. We pulled away. Maggie sighed with disappointment and I was just pissed with whoever had the nerve to knock and disturb us. I got out of bed and went to go answer the door. Andrew looked very confused when he saw me.

"Roger? What are you doing in Maggie's room?" He didn't look too pleased with the fact that I was with her.

"Roger?" Maggie called out. "Who's at the door?"

"It's Andrew" I answered her. Andrew stepped inside while I just went back to go sit on the edge of the bed. I felt the mattress dip behind me as Maggie crawled towards me. Her arms wrapped around me from behind and she kissed my shoulder.

"Is everything okay, Andrew?" Maggie asked our manager.

He looked pissed at the two of us but neither Maggie or I seemed to care. "I thought I made it perfectly clear between the two of you to stay away from each other"

"I don't really see the problem if the two of us decide that we want to fuck" I said.

"Might I remind you both that you are both in relationships, with one of them being a marriage?" Andrew reminded us. He looked at Maggie sternly as he said that. She didn't say anything as he continued. "You two being together might also prove as a distraction for the rest of the band"

I scoffed. "Well it's not any of their fucking business on what Mags and I decide to do, now is it?"

"It will be if it causes tension between everyone" Andrew argued.

"That's not going to happen" Maggie's demeanor was calmer compared to mine. "What? Do you think they'll get jealous of each other because one has me and the other doesn't?"

Andrew sighed in frustration. "We'll discuss this later. I've got to go wake the others up"

"You might have trouble getting Syd out of his room" Maggie warned him. "He locked the door and wouldn't answer when I went knocking"

"Of course" Andrew muttered under his breath. It was clear that he was getting just as frustrated with Syd's recent behavior. "If he continues on like this, I'm gonna have no choice but to send you all home" Andrew turned to leave but gave us one more look. "I don't know what exactly is going on between you two but whatever it is, it ends now, okay?"

Andrew left, leaving the two of us alone again. Maggie rested her head against my back. "I'm really worried about him, you know?" She said, referring to Syd. "There's clearly something deeper going on with him"

"Believe me, I'm worried about him too" I told her. "But if he doesn't want to get help for whatever it is, then that's his choice and we can't do anything about it. Believe me, I tried" I did try taking Syd to a psychiatrist once, but he refused to get out of the car to go in.

Maggie stayed quiet for a moment. "We're not going to end this just because Andrew said so, right?"

"This thing between us barely started yet" I said. "It's our business what we do with each other. It's not the band's business, it's not our manager's business" I turned so that I was facing her. I cupped her face in my hands. "We'll make this work, darling, don't worry" I sealed that promise to her with a kiss.

I don't know how long this was going to last between us but I wanted it to be for as long as possible. And if she decides that she wants to end things, then I'll respect her decision and I won't let it influence my decisions about her during things with the band. The thing is though, would I be willing to let her go so easily if she wanted to leave?

[princessgemma12]

are you... aware that the term "proship" on tumblr means you're in favor of specifically adult/child ships and not just ship content in general? like. if you are, that's... whatever. but the rest of your blog doesn't seem to have that content so I'm just wanting to make sure you know.

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for wording this so politely--it's just always refreshing when people can curate open, honest dialogue on the internet, and I appreciate the fact that you're being decent.

Secondly, I'm gonna give a short answer here, but expand on this more below for those who want to read it, especially because it adds more context and better explains my particular stance on the matter.

A few warnings: discussions and mentions of adult/child fictional pairings, child sexual abuse, and incest in fiction--all of this is vague and simply covers the topic, not any particular instance. This is not fanfiction, writing advice, zip--just having a conversation about a point of contention within the fandom sphere. Normally, I'd put all of that stuff in the tags, but I don't know what Anon has filtered out and I don't want them to lose their answer. These warnings are only really relevant under the cut, so anyone can skip the long answer and be done with this post if they need to be. As always, please proceed with caution and take care of yourself.

Short answer:

I was unaware that term "proship" on Tumblr was specifically adult/child--I'm on the "proship" side of Tumblr where people complain about antis and being harassed, and the benefits of shipping and the importance of properly tagging content, and most of us use the term to refer to people who aren't against shipping. So that ranges from "it's none of my business what other people ship" to "yes, I actively enjoy this ship that, in reality, would land one or both parties in prison." I'm both of those. I don't condone real-person shipping or erotica written about real people--or really any fiction written about real, living people. I think it's inconsiderate because you're treating a real live person as a character to play god with.

Now... I am aware that generally online, "proship" encompasses incestuous and nonconsensual ships of all kinds, including those between an adult character and a child character. I'm fine with this, so long as creators are courteous and tag their work properly--many abuse survivors (some of whom I know) use content like that to cope, as recommended by the majority of mental health professionals, and their own therapists. I find it a bit odd (not in a bad way!) that you felt the need to clarify this for me because I have posted about it before. Perhaps you have tags that I use on such posts blocked. I do my best to trigger warn for discussions of or content featuring... intense or potentially harmful themes, including abuse and certain ships.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. Sign yourself with a nickname for me to tag you as if you want. I'll be calling you "New Anon" for this post because, well. Ya' get it, hm? Also, please let me know your pronouns if they/them make you uncomfortable.

Long answer: under the cut

Uhhh... for clarification purposes, when I reference an adult/child ship, I mean a typical mortal pairing--I'm not counting things like Twilight or demons possessing teenagers, because the "rules" of those situations are murky at best and I'm unfamiliar with the general opinions of those within fandom. I'm just not very educated on the topic and it's only something that I've ever dabbled in--most of the pairings I've read about, watched, etc., for any reason, have been either exclusively mortal or exclusively immortal, so.

Personally, I find adult/child "ships" to be very enjoyable if it's an abuse recovery story. If the relationship is framed under a consensual light, I usually don't enjoy it, except if it's a particularly dark fic where the perpetrator is the one whose perspective is being written--I enjoy fiction that turns my stomach. I'm very put-off by a/c fics where the child thinks it's consensual and doesn't grow and learn from that--I like seeing the consequences of the abuser's actions catch up with them, and that is what I seek out from most a/c fiction. There are fantasy/sci-fi elements that can change that, but I'm not going to dive into my erotica taste without request--that would be incredibly rude and assuming. (I don't even know how old you are, either.)

That said, I understand that there are other people who find adult/child ships enjoyable for other reasons. Some pose such relationships under a consensual light, and enjoy them that way, and that's not any of my business. These are fictional characters. I won't lie and say that I "approve of" or "endorse" or "encourage" every single pairing, regardless of its characters, but at the end of the night, it really doesn't affect me. I know how to curate my online experience to be enjoyable and safe for myself, and others are only responsible for their experience and tagging their content (which is very important regardless of the pairing or anything; use the tags!). What other people enjoy in fiction isn't my concern--if they're not harming other people, then really who cares? It's fake, after all.

And yes, there are people that legitimately cannot tell the difference between fiction and reality. That is absolutely true and a valid concern for anyone to have. However, they are not my responsibility, nor are they other creators' responsibilities. It is not my fault if they infer that deplorable actions in fiction are acceptable in real life, regardless of whether it was my content they drew that conclusion from. People's minds are their own, and people who are not capable of healthily curating their internet experience should be aided in that endeavor because internet safety is incredibly important. If I had a friend or relative that needed assistance in this, I would help where I can, but it is not my job as a blogger or creator to make sure my content is "safe"--only that is avoidable.

[pocfansmatter]

Okay I said before I was going to get more in depth with blood quantum eventually so now is as better time than any I guess. Mind you I'm speaking as a Native American meaning an Indigenous person from America. Specifically from 2 southern California tribes. I cannot speak for all Native or Indigenous people. I can only speak for myself, I can’t even speak for my tribe. However most Natives tend to have the same view when it comes to the blood quantum debate. From this point on blood quantum will be shortened to BQ & Native American to Native(s).

Originally this was gonna be a reply to another comment but decided to make it it's own post so I don't associate my blog with that anti Indigenous one. Please try to read the whole post before clicking the articles. I screenshotted the main parts to keep the discussion going. Feel free to click on all the articles because they are good & most of them are from Native run news websites.

I was gonna do this with a read more tag but my laptop doesn't want to work. I'm literally getting anyther one on Thanksgiving but my old one doesn't cooperate sorry so y'all are gonna get a long post. 😕

So let's start with the basics. What is blood quantum?

"Blood quantum laws or Indian blood laws are laws in the United States and the former Thirteen colonies that define Native American identity by percentages of ancestry. ... For instance, a person who has one parent who is a full-blood Native American and one who has no Native ancestry has a blood quantum of 1/2."

In case that was confusing if one person is "full blood native" they are considered 4/4. Meaning they have no relatives who are of any other race or ethnicity. If the "full blood native" has a child with a non Native person the child would have a BQ of 1/2 Native blood. If that child has a child with a non Native that child will be considered 1/4. This will continue to get lower & lower unless the child has a baby with another Native. Then the BQ raises or stays the same depending on the other parents BQ.

Now that the definition is out of the way lets get into the issue with this.

This is a good article that narrowed down an issue with Pharrell wearing a headdress. I wanna focus on one part of the article though.

"... deeply connected to their Native culture & live it every day."

"Having Native American ancestors doesn't get you off the hook if you don't bother to do the homework."

So I mentioned before that a lot of Natives don't consider BQ as a proper way of measuring your culture. Being Native isn't something you can pull out when it's convenient like for a photoshoot. Its every single day. It's in the words we speak, in the clothes we wear & in the food we cook. Same as any other culture.

Asian people don't wake up not Asian. Black people don't wake up not Black.

So why is do some people pull out the Native card when it is convenient? Like Pharrell did or Elizabeth Warren claims.

This article sums it up well but I wanna focus on the last 2 paragraphs.

Link to the full article:

There's similarities in both articles by 2 different Native authors from 2 different news websites.

They both speak about connections to our culture. A DNA test cannot measure ones Indigenous Ancestry because being Indigenous is much more than something in your blood.

I made a post asking some questions that might help understand if one is Indigenous or not. Now I'm not saying these are all the questions nor that I'm the expert on this. These are just STARTER questions to help people understand what it means to be Native.

Does the tribe you claim, claim you?

Have you been to the reservation?

Do you participate in the community?

Have you met your family from the tribe?

Do you know your history, traditions, anything about the tribe you claim?

The big one is are you claimed. You cannot claim a tribe that doesn't claim you. Now I'm not saying the entirety of the tribe has to know you personally. I'm not even saying you have to stand in front of the tribal council & ask them if they claim you. A claim can be made as little as just your family saying "this person is one of us".

The reason I bring this up is because multiple tribes have in the past & continue the practice of "adopting" a person into their tribe. There's many examples of this. Some can be adopted because they married into a tribe. Non Natives & Natives of other tribes alike have been adopted into tribes. There can be legal adoptions like adopting a child. And countless other examples.

A lot of the time biologically those members aren't apart of the tribe & cannot be enrolled but are still viewed as a member by the community.

For personal example, my sister has been adopted by my tribe. She's actually an enrolled member from another tribe & technically my cousin but was taking away by CPS & my family took her in. She grew up & still lives on my reservation. She is from another reservation. Although her tribe still claims her as a member my tribe also does. People in my community know her as a member of my family & have grown up with her. She knows many of our traditions & practices some ceremonies with us that are specific to my tribe. No one in our tribe has expressed any issue with this so far & even if they did they would have a stern talking to. We are even in the process of organizing her to be buried on our tribal land instead of hers. Her choice & we are okay with it.

Now I want to point out another way people can be considered Native even if they aren't enrolled or cannot answer those questions properly.

Let's look at something called "reconnecting Natives".

What is a reconnecting Native?

A reconnecting Native is someone of Native Ancestry who for whatever reason has been removed from their culture, family, reservation, etc so they do not know them & are actively trying to learn those things so they can reclaim their Native roots.

So, how does this happen? This is actually a very common issue in the community.

One of the main ways a Native might become disconnected is through the process of Residential Schools or Indian Boarding Schools. What is that? Here's a snippet of an article to help explain.

Of course here is the link:

The official motto of these schools was "kill the Indian, save the man” and if you think it sounds awful I promise you, it was much worse than you could imagine.

There's a movie on Netflix called Indian Horse which I have not watched yet but is based off a novel by an Indigenous author that looks at these Boarding Schools if you wish to check that out.

The goals of these schools were to strip Indigenous children of their culture. They were beaten, starved, punished of things as simple as speaking in their languages. A lot of them didn't even speak English. It was illegal to keep your kids from this school & often times tribal children went to these schools and never returned to their family. Natives who attended these schools or are children of children who attended these schools more often than not stop practicing their culture or forget it. In that way they become "disconnected".

Those members can if chosen too began the process of reconnecting.

I found this really good article going a little more in depth on the do's & don't's of reconnecting.

But here's a screenshot of important parts.

Granted this is a long process. Lifelong. Every journey to reconnect is difficult & very different from others. It depends on your tribe & community. Some of them make it easier & some make it harder. It's up to the individual to put in the work.

Now I don't want to make it like being a connected Native is easy. Yes it's easier but connected Natives also put in work to live their culture everyday.

Now what does this have to do with blood quantum? As you can see none of these articles about being Native or even a reconnecting Native mention blood quantum or DNA being a requirement.

If one is Japanese & someone asks "how are you Japanese?" What would the answer be?

"Because I just am. Because my parents are Japanese."

If someone is white & has kids those kids are white, correct?

So if it's so easy to explain for other cultures why does mine require math? Why are some of my family members not enrolled members despite having Native parents & growing up on the reservation? Why do my people have to actively think about the DNA results of our children if we choose to have them?

Because of BQ. Its a tool created by colonizers that are forced upon us. If we do not abide by the rules & requirements the government sets in place we run the very big risk of

Losing our status of a Native American tribe.

Losing our land & land rights.

Losing funding from the federal government.

Losing our housing.

Losing Healthcare.

Losing our basic citizenship rights.

The thing about BQ is it's designed so that we fail. If we fail to keep a certain amount of enrolled tribal members in a tribe then the government can break treaties & take away our land & things that are rightfully ours.

BQ is a lose/lose situation all around for us as well as extremely racist.

Because of the BQ requirements Natives actively worry about who they have children with. Some don't date outside of the their culture in fear of their children not being seen as legally Native. The problem here is a lot of the tribe is related. The issue of inbreeding increases. How do we solve that problem? Well we can have children with Natives of another tribe. But there's a problem here too. Most tribes do not allow what we call dual enrollment. Both of my tribes for example don't allow this. Which means one would have to pick which tribe to enroll their child. That means one of the tribes will lose out on a member. So that's another way identities are erased using BQ.

Okay I think I'm going to end this here. There is so much more I could've added. I also could've expanded on residential schools, what it means to be Indigenous, & reconnecting Natives but I wanted to keep it focused on BQ. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask or research on your own. We're still here. We aren't stuck in the 1800's. We weren't all killed by cowboys but the government is still actively trying to erase us.

[cakesexuality]

I reblogged this before with my only additions being in my tags, but I'm gonna make an actual comment this time with some fun facts about carbs:

Carbohydrates are your body's preferred fuel source

Sugars, aka simple carbohydrates, are the easiest thing for your body to break down and absorb

Starches, aka complex carbohydrates, take a bit more work to break down than sugars, but your body still prefers them to other sources of energy

Fibre, which may be present in a carb-dense food such as bread, can be great for your digestive health and/or your heart health, depending on your unique nutritional needs

Your brain gets a burst of dopamine when you eat carbs, not because you're "addicted" to them, but because that's biology encouraging you to do something you might benefit from -- this is the same reason why it feels so good to drink water when you're thirsty or go pee when your bladder is full

If you think you have an addiction to sugar/carbs, there's a really good possibility that you're actually just being shamed for experiencing a natural function of your body

Alternatively, there might be something that's causing you to generate less dopamine than most people, such as taking antipsychotics, in which case you should talk to a healthcare professional or mental health professional instead of beating yourself up

I can have intense mood swings when I haven't had enough carbs, not because of any supposed psychological withdrawal, but because my blood glucose levels have tanked in those moments and the human brain isn't meant to function properly during hypoglycemia

There are some medical conditions where carbs can pose an issue, but that's not most people, and when it does show up in someone, it often doesn't mean no carbs ever, just being careful about them, like avoiding the specific sugars you can't break down with IBS or going gluten-free with celiac disease

Your body tends to burn fat only as a back-up source of fuel, like if you aren't eating enough carbs or if you don't have enough insulin in your body

There is a good reason why there's frequently hospitalization involved with a medically-supervised ketogenic diet as well as a good reason why the ketogenic diet is a last resort for treating childhood epilepsy

I was almost put in an eating disorders program at the hospital a few years ago, I've been in remission from anorexia for over 4 years now, I quite literally fought for my life to be able to eat whatever I want (my immune system has decided to disagree with that, but that's another story), I will consume any carbs I feel like having, I will honour my unique nutritional needs, and you can pry my beautiful, delicious cakes from my cold, dead hands

not to sound like a medieval peasant or a catholic but i resent anti-carb propaganda so much like bread will never be evil it is holy it is divine it is one of life’s most simple yet decadent pleasures. love is stored in the bread