#some of my best sleep has been crashing after two redbulls

[insanity-killed-me]

me chugging energy drinks to finally sleep: i feel called out

don’t bully me for how i spelled delicious

[formula-what]

Brocedes time line for a very patient anon

Lewis quotes in orange, Nico quotes in pink, everyone else is blue.

okay first some background knowledge:

Nico is rich as fuck. only child, born in Germany, brought up in Monaco. son of world champion Keke Rosberg

Lewis was born on a council estate in Stevenage and his dad had to work multiple jobs for him to start karting

Honestly I think the difference in their backgrounds is one of the things that pushed them together, they were both isolated from the rest of the kids, but I’m keeping this purely facts rather than speculation.

2000

They’re both 15 years old and are karting teammates for MBB (Mercedes Benz McLaren) in Formula A

Robert Kubica: “there was always competition. But they didn’t fight. It was friendly competition. There was always laughing afterwards.” // “they would even have races to eat pizza”

They often shared hotel rooms at the races which was a “scene of many wrestling matches between them”

Dino Chiesa (their karting boss) – “many times I was called by reception about some problem in the room. It might be noise, or they might have broken something. They would never sleep so they were always tired the next morning”

“they both liked ice cream so much, particularly vanilla. During the night they wanted to eat ice cream always, so I had to go out everywhere to find some and keep them happy”

Lewis would often persuade Nico to buy him sweets

They would have competitions over LITERALLY EVERYTHING

Lewis: “we always had great competition whether on the racetrack or computer games or playing football”

“probably the first bit of competition we had was when Nico used to ride a unicycle everywhere so I thought, ‘I’ve got to learn how to ride this unicycle. Ive got to be better than him.’ I spent all my time outside the go-kart learning to ride this unicycle”

Apparently it only took Lewis 2 hours to teach himself how to do it

In maybe 2013 ish (when they were still friends) Lewis reflected with– “I have never laughed so much than when we were racing together. Nico was kicking everyone’s butt at that time. We had so great races together and built a great relationship”

“we were just arriving and enjoying go-karts and eating pizzas every weekend, fighting all the time and just having fun, whereas now it’s all business.”

many times they would talk about what they would do when they got to f1, made plans hoping to be teammates and become world champions together.

“Nico would say ‘when I’m in formula one’ and for me it was always ‘if I ever get to formula one’. Because obviously Nico’s dad was a formula 1 driver- he knew he was going to make it.”

F1

Nico joined f1 in 2006 with williams, Lewis 2007 with McLaren. And man I WISH I knew what went down with this two when Lewis nearly one his rookie season (missing out by one point to mr fernando alonso) and then WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP in his SECOND SEASON (again by one point thank you mr alonso)

2008 Australia

Nicos gets his first podium, and ofc Lewis is there (he won it) and they are jumping around in the cool down room. Just, two kids who are literally living the one thing they have spent their whole lives dreaming about together. Lewis won the championship that year and oh wow I can only imagine their celebrations together.

2013

They’re teammates in Mercedes!!!

Nico: “every other day there are moments or things that pop up and I can smirk and thing, ‘that’s exactly the same as it was 15 years ago’”

2013 Malaysian Grand Prix gets an honourable mention. This is the race with red bulls good old multi 21 but merc also had their own team orders, stopping nico from fighting for his first merc podium, but Lewis disagreed with it so it didn’t really spark that much tension between them- more the team.

2014

the start of the turbo-hybrid era so y’all know this was good in terms of performance.

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix

They were both fighting for the win and had a collision which prompted a “mock fight” in parc ferme after the race (which I really hope there’s a video of).

Turns out, Nico won because he had used engine modes banned by Mercedes to get a power advantage in the closing laps. which kinda pissed Lewis off

2014 Spanish Grand Prix

Lewis’ fourth win in a row and took lead in the championship. They were fighting till literally the last second and Lewis crossed the line 0.6 seconds ahead of Nico, who says he could have passed him with one more lap.

Lewis defended using the same banned engine modes that Nico had used in Bahrain. Yeah.

2014 Monaco Grand Prix

This is IT. This is peak petty bitch. This is the one people still cry about.

It’s the end of Q3, both of them are out on a lap, Nico ahead of lewis. Nico’s already on provisional pole but Lewis is pretty close.

And then,, Nico just,, parks his car?? He says he made a mistake but the guy doesn’t even crash he straight up just,, rolls to a stop into a slip road. So the yellow flags come out forcing Lewis to abort a lap that was in the makings of pole.

The stewards say it was a-okay but Lewis was convinced it was intentional (and let’s be honest, yeah it probably was) and he even claimed that merc’s data proved it. (low key surprised he didn’t just tweet out the telemetry but I guess he got a stern telling off from mclaren last time)

But *this* is when Lewis tells the world that they aren’t friends anymore. An iconic interview.

Nico then wins the race too, ending Lewis’s four win streak and putting Nico in the lead of the championship.

2014 Hungarian Grand Prix

Lewis has an engine failure in quali meaning he starts from the pit lane, but he does good to make his way up the pack but THEN there’s a safety car which puts him ahead of Nico but on a different strategy.

Nico asks if Lewis can let him past as he needs to pit again before the end of the race, which will give him the place back anyways. Lewis straight up refuses, he’s on a role here. He started from last, and Nico started from pole, why should he slow down to let his title rival through.

Mercedes strongly suggest that his blocking fucked up Nicos race but Niki Lauda is on Lewis’ side so he doesn’t get punished (We stan a supportive father figure) even though he did blatantly refuse to be a team player.

And guys, this is the last race before the summer break so you know Nico was left seething for four weeks.

2014 Belgian Grand Prix

Second lap, Nico attempts a clumsy move and there’s contact, giving Hamilton a puncture and knocking him out of the race.

There’s a lot of controversy but basically it turns out he crashed with him intentionally, not backing out of the corner to “prove a point”. Nico ended up finishing second but was punished by the team, forced to apologise, and even booed on the podium.

2014 Abu Dhabi

For some reason it ran for double points?? The first time in History??? But idk???

Lewis had a perfect start and went on to win it and take the title, Nico had a problem and was told to retire the car but he kept going anyway and finished 14th. Nico went into the cool down room to congratulate Lewis on the championship win, which. cute.

Lewis claimed his second championship. Which not only was huge because of the inter team rivalry, but also because of the large gap between his first win. This guy had lost out on winning the championship in his ROOKIE season by ONE POINT, and then WON it in his SECOND season, and then there was like a FIVE YEAR gap before he won it again.

2015

Damnnn this car was fiiiinneeeeeee.

They do more laps in testing than any other car AND do it on a single power unit. And then. Australia. They take a one-two THIRTY FOUR seconds ahead of the third place Ferrari.

2015 Chinese Grand Prix

Nico is second in a one-two but claims that Lewis kept backing him up into Seb, trying to compromise his race (and help out his boyfriend).

Lewis gave zero shits: "It's not my job to look after Nico's race, it's my job to manage the car and bring the car home as healthy and as fast as possible. That's what I did."

2015 U.S. Grand Prix

If Lewis wins here he could also claim the title with three races to spare (you have to remember back then the title fight often went up to the last race so this was pretty cool)

Lewis very aggressively forced Rosberg wide at Turn 1 to claim the lead, and then there was some sexy fighting between the Mercs and Redbull all race. Nico led in the closing stages but made a mistake, running deep into a corner and letting Lewis past with only a handful of laps to go.

Nico finished P2 and had not only lost the race but the championship title. Nico was fuming, saying Lewis’ move at the start was “one step too far”.

This is the infamous cap throw in the cool down room. Lewis throws Nico his P2 hat, Nico straight up yeets it back at him. I tear up just thinking about it. They grow up so fast.

2016

Nico had came so close to winning and I guess this was just, the last straw. All or nothing. This year he literally gave it everything he had. Lewis and him stopped speaking, Nico gave up literally the rest of his life and even stopped sleeping in the same bed as his wife and taking care of his kids, instead spending every moment trying to get into Lewis’ head. Honestly, I think he might be the only one that could beat Lewis. Just because he knew him *so well*. He literally threw away like 16 years of friendship. But also it’s like, he had to be world champion. He *had to*. His dad was champion and his whole life he’s been preparing to win it too. Tough luck that he raced in the same era as Mr. Best Driver The Sport Has Ever Seen.

Nico won the last few races of 2015, and the first four races of 2016. Lewis had a couple car problems and Nico had a good lead on him in the championship.

2016 Spanish Grand Prix

Gentlemen. A short view back to the past. Nico had made a switch error on the formation lap causing the car to go into the wrong engine mode. So he was running a lot slower than Lewis, who was fighting to claim back the lead.

Nico closed the door to keep him back, and Lewis lost control on the grass, and spins into Nico and taking them both out of the race in the first lap. This is probably one of the most iconic crashes. I’m pretty sure there’s a clip of this somewhere in black and white with the titanic music over the top.

Niki Lauda blamed this one on Lewis (I guess even a supportive dad has to be critical sometimes) "Lewis is too aggressive. It is stupid, we could've won this race".

2016 Austrian Grand Prix

Nico had been struggling with a brake issue all race but was still on the way to win it. But in the last lap Lewis had caught him up and gone in for the overtake.

Typical Nico not taking any shit, refusing to be the guy that backs out and they collide. Lewis took the win and a damaged Nico dropped to fourth. From first. In the last lap.

Both of them blamed each other and tired dad team boss Toto Wolff threatened team orders in future races.

The stewards blamed Nico for the incident, issuing him two penalty points for failing to allow "racing room" and causing a collision.

2016 Abu Dhabi

In the final laps of the race, Lewis ignored team-orders from his race engineer and the technical director.

He deliberately slowed and backed Nico into the pack hoping they overtake him, and there would be enough of a points difference to win the title.

Nico finished second and won the title by five points.

And then,,, Nico announced a surprise retirement during the FIA prize giving ceremony.

Lewis’ response:

"This is the first time he's won in 18 years, hence why it was not a surprise that he decided to stop.” (We stan a petty king)

“But he's also got a family to focus on and probably wants to have more children. Formula One takes up so much of your time."

“In terms of missing the rivalry, of course because we started karting when we were 13 and we would always talk about being champions. When I joined this team, Nico was there, which was something we spoke about when we were kids. So it's going to be very, very strange, and, for sure, it will be sad to not have him in the team next year."

And now they are kind of on speaking terms but not really, they are both pretty private but I think they are at the ‘awkward small talk when we run into each other at the supermarket’ stage of the break up.

[lizzy-williams]

𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀; 𝗣𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿

Warnings: NSFW (smut, 18+), language, mentions of ADD

🕷️ Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxHJWvIo218

Kids by Current Joys

((I took the day off from school today for a mental health day, and this is what I ended up writing. I have ADD so that will be mentioned a few times. Honestly I’m writing this for myself more than anyone.))

- Tom Holland Masterlist

- Masterlist

Peter hated seeing you like this. Studying so hard, so much that it was the only thing you were doing. SATs were coming up, and there was no way you could have stressed out more than you already had. 

Everyday after school, he would come over to your apartment and help you study, and even after he left for patrol, you stayed up, and always ended up falling asleep on top of a text book or paper. 

But every night he would always come back, pulling you into bed with him, holding you as you went into a deep sleep, even though you would need to wake up in 4 hours for school anyways. It hurt Peter to see you like this. 

For him, school came easy, he was a genius. But for you, it was harder. Focusing was hard, and having the motivation to assignments was even harder. Peter was brilliant, and in the back of your mind, you were mad at it. 

Tonight was a relatively rough night. Studying chemistry was killing you. Chemical compounds, theories, and even dates that some scientists were born. You worked with flashcards, quizlet, anything you could. 

As Peter came back from patrol, it hurt him to still see you up this late on a school night. Peter took in the sight before him as he looked in the window, You form sat on the floor, your laptop in front of you, your notebook and text book next to you. Mountain Dew and RedBull cans were scattered around you

 while you sat criss-cross, wearing nothing but his maroon crewneck he gave you and black underwear, your hair tied up in the best way possible. 

Even though you looked like a goddess when you were a mess. And it made him feel some type-a way. He knew what you needed. You needed some stress relief. 

He silently opened your window, your brain trying to hard to focus on the computer screen than to the noises around you. He pressed the spider on his suit, sneaking over the closet and pulling out his sweatpants and sweatshirt he left there for moments like these. 

As he got dressed he watched you. But his heart broke when he saw you hunch over, your fingers on the bridge of your nose, a light sob leaving your lips. 

“[ y / n ]?” Peter muttered, and you turned around. You immediately got up, embracing him tightly as you began to cry harder and harder. So hard it became hard to breathe. 

He picked you up, the both of you sitting on your bed as he cradled you, your face buried into his neck as he rubbed a hand up and down your back, comforting you, letting you let it all out. 

You stayed in this position for a while, Peter letting out small ‘shh’s and comforting praise. Soon you were calmed down, and you pulled back to look at him. 

“I don’t know how much longer I can take this, Pete.” you admitted, your hands gripping the bottom of his hoodie. 

“Hey, hey,” he put his hand on the side of your face as you leaned into it, “I’m here for you. You just need a break,”

“I can’t Pete, I have-” you were cut off by Peter’s lips brushing against your lips, and you leaned in, sealing the space in between them. 

The kiss was passionate. Slow. Calm. This was just what you had needed. 

The kiss became more and more passionate and heated as time went on, his hand slipping under your shirt, holding your hips and pulling them closer to him. 

“Pete,” you muttered against his lips, “I want you,”

“Of course, princess,” he smiled, his teeth peaking out under his top lip, his expression entrancing me, my lips finding his again as we teared at each other’s clothes. 

Once you were both nude, Peter’s mouth went directly to your breasts, making you gasp, your hands holding him close, one and on this back and the other in his hair.

You were so desperate for this escape, so needy, that you couldn’t get enough. All your worries about assignments melted away into the back of your head, making you feel total bliss in turn. 

“P-Pete, please,” you muttered, his mouth detaching itself from your throat, your gaze catching his, “Heal me,” 

Without another word, he pushed you down on the bed, your body slightly bouncing as he positioned himself between your legs, his hand running through your folds, his way of asking if you were ready. 

You nodded. His hips slowly drove towards yours, whimpers setting themselves free from your mouth, Peter soaking them in, encouraging him to go farther, deeper.

Once he was all the way inside you, buried to the hilt, he slowly started to move, his hips setting a rhythm that made you see stars behind your eyelids. 

As time went on, he thrusted faster and faster, lifting your legs and letting them rest on his shoulders, hitting a perfect angle. 

“Fuck... Princess you feel so good. Nice and perfect for me,” he groaned out, his pace never wavering. 

You could only moan in response, the sensations that enveloped you becoming intense as you felt a coil in you begin to built up and tighten. This caused your core to clench, making Peter let out a primal groan. 

“You close princess?” he coaxed, “You gonna cum for me, sweet girl?” he leaned down, his lips meeting just under your ear. 

After a few more thrusts, he muttered in your ear, “Cum for me,” in one of the most erotic voices you had ever heard. The change of tone sent you over the edge, a loud moan escaping your mouth, Peter’s climax hitting as he was helping you ride out your high. 

The two of you held each other tight, not wanting to let go. Once you two were finally back down to Earth, Peter got off of you, pulling out, your core feeling almost cold as the loss of contact. 

He crashed right next to you, pulling you to lay on his chest. 

“Thank you,” you muttered, knowing he heard you. 

“You don’t need to thank me. You’re my girlfriend. You needed a break. So I gave you one. Now will you tell me what was wrong?” he prodded. 

“I dunno. My ADD has been acting up, and no matter how many times I’ve head the text book, I still don’t get it, or I’ll get sidetracked. Not to mention the teachers aren’t too forgiving.”

“Just know that I’m always here for you. No matter what. I’ll always be there. All you need to do is call.”

You nuzzled yourself more into his nude chest as he pulled the covers over the both of you. 

“Goodnight, my sweet girl,”

All you could do was hum in response, before sleep finally got a hold on you. 

(( Hee hee hee, my ADD havin’ ass is NOT vibing. Especially with my biology teacher.))

[djarinslover]

Countdown

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​! I hope you like this Secret Santa Max Phillips fic. He might be a little OOC because I wasn’t sure how exactly to write him. Just imagine he’s still an ass, just not an ass to you 🥰

Everyone has a soulmate. On a person's 21st birthday, a timer appears on their wrist. This timer counts down the years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds until you come in contact with the soulmate. The timer then disappears forever. It fills everyone with anxiety, because who wants to count down the exact time they’re going to meet the love of their life?

01:00:17

That was currently the time on your wrist. It made anxiety and giddiness spin in your stomach. You were so excited to finally be with your destined person and you couldn’t wait until they showed up.

You were hosting a New Year party at your apartment, sipping on a mocktail drink. You were also cheering on Tim, a college friend, who was shotgunning the nastiest combination of beer, whiskey, vodka and strawberry soda. 

‘He’s gonna have the worst hangover tomorrow,’ you thought.

Xenia, your roommate, bounces over with her soulmate, Zabeth, in tow. “Hey, we’re gonna play Just Dance. Wanna join?” Her words were slurred and she stumbled slightly as Zabeth reached to steady her. 

You laugh, nodding. “Yeah, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“In your dreams!”

00:30:10

You were greeting Evan, Amanda and Frank at the door, letting them in.

“Sorry we’re so late,” Evan apologized. “Frank had to stop for more Redbulls.”

He points at the man chugging a Redbull, who gives you a thumbs up. You giggly, shaking your head. “It’s no problem. Still have a few more minutes until the new year.”

“Our boss, Max, is coming soon. We tried to be discreet about it but he has the hearing of an owl. I hope you don’t mind,” Amanda said.

“Not at all!”

You usher the group farther into the apartment, swiping your arm around to gesture at everything. “Please, help yourself. There’s plenty of drinks, snacks and games. I think Tim was just kicking Zabeth’s ass in Just Dance.”

“Oooh, sweet!” Frank bounces off towards the group of people watching the dance competition. 

Evan turns to help himself to a drink while you and Amanda talk.

“Soo, why is your boss coming?”

“Well, he heard about Tim talking about it, you know how loud he is. And Max decided he’d crash. He also said it just felt right, like he should be here.”

You frown, tilting your head. “Felt right? That’s odd.”

She nods in agreement, thanking Evan as he brings her champagne. You lead them to the balcony to talk without having to shout.

00:02:00

You were feeling so anxious you thought everything you had during the party was going to come right back up. It was two minutes to the new year and two minutes until your soulmate walked right through your door. Xenia popped over your shoulder, breath smelling of booze.

“Heyyy, you’re so close!” she slurred, grabbing your wrist.

“And you’re so drunk,” you laugh.

“Best way to party, babe.”

You roll your eyes as you nod, smiling. As everyone begins to crowd around the tv to watch the ball drop, you take a step outside for some fresh air. You needed a moment away from the sweaty, boozed up partiers. 

You look at your wrist quickly.

00:00:40

Your heart stops, the breath stolen from your lungs. Only forty seconds. You couldn’t wait. You look at the night sky, at the twinkling stars and glowing moon. You take the moment to savor the excitement you felt one last time. Everyone began to count down.

“10!”

You head back inside.

“9!”

Your timer was counting down as well.

“8! 7! 6!”

Your lip was caught between your teeth so hard, you were afraid it was going to bleed.

“5! 4! 3!”

The anticipation was killing you.

“1! Happy New Year!”

You were swept into a pair of arms. The person dipped you and pressed their lips against yours. You squeak, eyes wide and hands fisted in the person’s shirt collar. When the person pulled back, you saw the most handsome man you’d ever seen. He was grinning down at you, a twinkle in his eyes.

“Hello, darling. Sorry I was almost late.”

“You . . . are?”

“Max Phillips. The love of your life.”

Everything began to click into place. You felt so comfortable with this man, so warm and safe and cared for. You place a hand on his cheek, stroking it softly. You introduce yourself, not realizing everyone around you was staring. Max lifts you back up onto your feet and Xenia starts cheering. 

“I guess I put on one hell of a show,” Max said with a smug smirk.

You ignore everyone, pulling Max in the direction of your room. You pull him inside, locking the door behind the two of you. He crowds you against the wall, eyes dark and hazy.

“Moving pretty fast, aren’t we?” he asked. “Not that I mind. I want nothing more than to fuck you into your mattress.”

You flush deeply, cheeks hot and mouth dry. You shake your head, huffing out a laugh as you push him away gently. “No, Max. I’m not ready for that. I’d like to get to know you better. We have all our lives to make love.”

“Make love . . .” he muses over the wording, shredding his jacket. “Not what I would say it would be, but . . .”

Giggling, you gesture for him to turn around. With a raised eyebrow, he reluctantly turns to let you get into your night time clothes. You lay down in bed before letting him turn back around. He sheds his pants and shirt, leaving him in just his boxers. You blush but he strokes your face.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want.”

You smile, patting the empty space. He lies down, letting you curl into his arm and lay on his chest. He plays with your hair as the two of you just lay in silence.

“I do have something I need to tell you,” he said softly.

“Go ahead.”

“I’m a vampire.”

Silence rings loudly in the room. You don’t move for a while, just processing what you heard. Max was as still as a statue, not moving or breathing. You sit up slowly, shifting to look at him in the dim moonlight. 

“I’m sorry if that changes anything, if it makes you-”

You cup Max’s face gently, brushing a thumb over his bottom lip. “I don’t care if you’re a vampire or if you have one day left to live. You’re mine and I’ve been waiting too long for you.”

He seems to melt into your touch, reaching up to bring you down to his lips. He kisses you so softly, so passionately that you forget about anything else in the world. You completely forget about the party raging on in the apartment. The night was lost in the touch of your soulmate.

You wake up groggy and warm. Almost too warm. Your eyes open as you try to figure out why you felt so hot. As you roll over, a pair of arms tighten around your shoulder and waist. You come face to face with Max, who was sleeping peacefully. Right. You finally met your soulmate last night. You lightly touch his face, admiring his features. He’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen and you couldn’t believe he was all yours.

He stirs, eyes slowly opening to meet yours. A smile crosses his lips.

“Good morning, handsome,” you whisper as you stroke his hair.

He squeezes you closer to him, nosing down your neck and groans. “You smell so damn good in the morning.”

“Me or my blood?”

“Both.”

He nuzzles into your neck, making you giggle as the two of you just hold each other. You suddenly feel teeth at your neck, marking you up but never fully biting into you. You shove at him lightly, startling him.

“Sorry, got carried away.”

“Let’s talk about you drinking my blood after coffee.”

“Let’s talk about turning you, too,” he murmurs into your ear.

The thought of you being a vampire makes your heart rate kick up. Max kisses the top of your head, whispering, “Only if you want.”

Being together forever with your soulmate didn’t sound like much of a debate or a lose-lose situation. You snuggle further into his grip, brushing the thoughts aside. Those were a later morning talk. Right now, you just wanted to enjoy finally holding the person you’ve been waiting for.

[gukyi]

start anew | ksj

⇒ summary: it’s been five years since you left your hometown, vowing never to return, but a simple invitation to a christmas party and a yearning to know whether or not you’re truly over the heartbreak you left behind has you wondering if, maybe, the christmas spirit and promise of a new beginning can change your mind.

⇒ christmas!au, exes!au

⇒ pairing: kim seokjin x female reader

⇒ word count: 11k

⇒ genre: soft angst and fluff (everything is just melancholy, alright?)

⇒ warnings: alcohol consumption

⇒ a/n: for @sonnenfuchs, from your secret santa!! here it is luce, i tried to make it as not angsty as possible but it looks like i didn’t try hard enough. this does have a happy ending though, if that’s any consolation!! merry (late) christmas and happy new year!! i wish u and the rest of the gc all the best ♡

When the train pulls into the run-down station, cement littered with trash and paint on the walls chipping, you feel sick to your stomach.

The sight of this poor old thing, empty and dilapidated, leaves you nauseous as the train pulls in, screeching as it comes to a stop. You’re the only one getting off at this stop, one out of the four other people that are taking this sad little train on a journey to nowhere, stepping onto the platform with your suitcase by your side and vow echoing in your mind, one that swore you’d never return.

Looks like Christmas brings out the optimist in all of us.

Even though it’s been nearly five years since you’ve ever looked back, took that first step onto the midnight train going anywhere—to the airport, actually—on the path to a life that doesn’t leave you wallowing in sorrow, you remember this place like the back of your hand. Remember the way that the sign above your head shook when a train pulled into the station too quickly. Remember how the gate on the way out would get stuck sometimes, and would only take a hard kick to come loose.

You look down at the faded pink bench waiting on the platform, and you remember how he used to kiss you on that. How he used to press his fingers into your skin and his mouth onto yours as you kissed and kissed and kissed in the dim light of an empty train station in the early hours of the morning. Remember how you would hop onto any train that came by, together, letting it take you wherever the wind blows. Remember how he would press you into the dirty wall of the train station, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and your cheek and your neck, promises in the form of hickeys on your collarbones.

People always ask you why you left, but the thing is that he did first.

You give a soft kick to the gate on your way out, feeling it dislodge beneath the toe of your boot as you press it open. It’s nearly ten at night. The roads that surround you are quiet, cars whizzing by every once in awhile, headlights flickering in the darkness. No taxis in this town.

Pulling out your phone, only then are you reminded of the shitty cell service in the area, the bars on your phone phasing in and out of existence as you try to scrounge up enough reception to make a call. With enough effort (it seems as though you still know all of the tricks to getting service in this town), your phone musters up two measly bars. You press call.

“Y/N?”

“Yoongi?” You breathe out into the phone, feeling this foreign sense of comfort at the sound of your once-best friend’s voice. It’s been too long, but at the same time, it hasn’t been long enough.

“Why are you calling me? Did your train just pull in?” He asks, and his voice is groggy and soft, almost too quiet for you to be able to hear him. If it weren’t for the deafening silence that surrounds you, you probably wouldn’t even be able to make him out.

“Yeah,” you answer, and you wonder if this sad chatter warrants you asking him a favor. Even if you were best friends once, back when you found joy in being holed up in this small town with people you loved (not anymore), you haven’t spoken in five years. Things have changed. So have you. “Could—could you come and pick me up? You know where.”

“Aw, Y/N, I would, but I don’t have a car with me. My buddy Namjoon borrowed it for the weekend. You remember Namjoon, right? Lanky kid from college. I can send him to pick you up, if that’s alright?” Yoongi says into the phone, and there’s so many memories laced in the words that leave his lips. Memories of you and him taking his beat-up Cadillac for a midnight drive to McDonald’s, nearly crashing it into the lake at the local park after you took a wrong turn. Memories from the college years you spent in this little town, at the local university that deserves a lot more credit than it’s given. Memories of Namjoon and Yoongi and you and him, together as friends.

“No, that’s okay. I don’t want to be an inconvenience for anybody,” you say, swiftly declining the offer as you put others’ needs over your own. How typical of you. Guess some things will never change, no matter how much you want them to.

“Are you kidding? I know for a fact he only goes to sleep at three in the morning. Here, I’m gonna text him,” Yoongi says, and you know him well enough, even after five years, to know that once he says he’ll do something, he’ll do it.

“Yoongi, you really don’t have to—”

“Done. He’ll be there in ten,” Yoongi says happily. “Don’t worry about inconveniencing us, Y/N. We all want you back.”

Not all of you do, you think to yourself bitterly.

“Thanks, Yoongi. Sorry for calling you so late at night,” you say, unable to stop the apology from spilling from your lips. You already know Yoongi’s going to berate you for it.

“Stop apologizing, Y/N. You know I don’t mind. I was awake, anyway. What, did you think that after college, I turned my life around and started to go to bed at reasonable hours?” Yoongi jokes, making a smile force its way onto your lips, even if only a little. Always the jester. “Wow, you really don’t know me.”

“Yoongi, I—”

“I’m glad you’re back, Y/N. I really am,” Yoongi tells you, voice a hushed whisper. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Yoongi,” you finally admit, letting the words tumble out. If nothing else, you always regretted leaving him when you took that step onto the metal flooring of the train. He was the one person worth staying for.

“See you, hey? Don’t forget about me,” Yoongi says, and it’s a promise you know you’ll end up keeping, one of only a few. With that, he hangs up, leaving you standing in the silence, letting the crickets soothe your racing mind and aching heart.

There’s not a twig in this town that hasn’t been tainted with the memory of him.

A car pulls up in front of you after another five minutes of you contemplating to yourself, wondering why on Earth you came back after you swore you never would, wondering what could possibly have drawn you here yet again. It certainly isn’t him.

The window of Yoongi’s Cadillac rolls down, and in the hazy light of the street lamp above your head, you make out the grinning, albeit tired, face of Kim Namjoon. He still looks the same, only, he’s dyed his hair. It looks nice on him.

“Y/N? Is that really you?” Namjoon says, leaning his head out of the window as he squints. “Damn, I almost didn’t recognize you. You look so different.”

“Hey, Namjoon,” you say sheepishly.

“Long time no see. Hey, jump in! Yoongi sent me to come and fetch you, so your honored and esteemed chauffeur waits for you,” Namjoon says, tipping his head to emulate a full-body bow as he points to the backseat.

You wheel yourself and your baggage up to the car, and Namjoon, ever the gentleman, hops out of the car to help you stuff your single suitcase into Yoongi’s ridiculously small boot. You’d always teased him for having such a tiny storage space. Told him he’d be a shitty murderer since he wouldn’t be able to hide a body in the back of his car.

You climb into the passenger seat of Yoongi’s car, and everything feels uncomfortably familiar. You had always dreaded returning, promising to yourself that you never would, for that feeling of nostalgia crawling up your skin is simply too taxing on you. The dice that hang from Yoongi’s front mirror haven’t changed, though they’re definitely a bit browner than they used to be. His seats are the same level of worn, feel loved and familiar under your fingertips as you run them across the leather. One look in the backseat and you can still make out the stain from when Yoongi decided to drink five bottles of RedBull in one sitting, spot the missing lever in the backseat that prevents the back right window from being rolled down. One look in the backseat and images flash across your mind, images of the two of you giggling as you secretly made love in the backseat of his car, images of you falling asleep on his shoulder during one of your many road trips.

“Been a while, hey?” Namjoon asks, breaking the silence and catching your attention. “Where do you want me to drop you off? Your parents live around here, don’t they…?”

“Not my parents’. I don’t want to bother them,” you say quickly. “Yoongi’s, if that’s alright.”

“Fine and dandy by me,” Namjoon says. He gives your shoulder a nudge, warm smile on his face. “Hey, cheer up a bit, will you? You’re back, it’s nearly Christmas, and everyone’s feeling festive as fuck. No need to be all sad and mopey, alright?”

You muster up a tense smile at his words just to get him to politely shut up, not wanting to hear another word about you being back. You’re well aware that you’re here.

“It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you, you know,” Namjoon says. “Not since you graduated and flew off to God-knows-where. Bet you’re making millions now, hey? CEO of some high-tech company that I’ve never heard of.”

You chuckle, appreciative of the effort Namjoon is making to keep you engaged. This mindless chatter thing, it’s kind of nice. A bit redundant, but nice. “I wish.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re doing much better than you’re letting on. I mean, you left, and we’re all still stuck here, working menial jobs as we live our everyday lives. Did college disappoint you that much?”

“No,” you say, answers short and quick. Namjoon can be the one doing all of the talking. That, you’re fine with.

“I should hope so. God, those were the best years of my damn life. We had so much fun. I still remember that time that you and Yoongi played beer-pong half-naked at that one party. That was so hilarious. The two of you kept complaining about how the splash from the ball was getting you guys all wet,” Namjoon reminisces, laughing at the memory. “Man, Seokjin was livid when he saw the two of you doing that together. Nearly flipped the whole damn table over.”

The mention of his name renders you speechless as a terrible taste enters your mouth, one your tongue can’t get rid of. You’ve done so well at repressing the memories of him, tainted with love and loss, but all it takes is one mention from Namjoon’s big mouth to have them all coming back up again, like vomit.

Your knee-jerk reaction to the sound of his name as the picture of Seokjin in all of his glory flashes through your mind is to cough. Violently, too. Namjoon immediately slows down as he pats your back through your dry-heaving.

“Whoa, you okay? Don’t die on me now, you just got here. What will Yoongi say if I arrive at his house with your dead body?” Namjoon asks, alarmed. “Was it something I said?”

You shake your head furiously, still recovering, not wanting him to think it was his fault. It’s yours, really. Yours for coming back. Yours for not knowing what to do when you did. Yours for thinking about him when you know he’s not thinking about you. Not anymore.

“It wasn’t you, no. Just… some spit went down the wrong tube, that’s all,” you lie.

“Man, I hate when shit like that happens,” Namjoon says, shaking his head. “It’s such a pain. I feel like I’m dying when really, my body’s just playing a mean prank on me.”

You chuckle helplessly, unable to respond as thoughts of him plague your mind. God, what’s wrong with you? Why are you still thinking about him? It’s been five years, five years of repressed memories and vows that you would never make the same mistakes. Five years of a new life, new friends, new home, one where you don’t have to dwell on the past, where you can finally start living in the moment.

But being back here, it’s like living in the past. It’s like being trapped in a world you no longer control. You used to rule everything here, crown on your head and him by your side, but now, you’re just a bystander.

You never saw Yoongi’s house before you left. He had an apartment all throughout university, right near campus, one that you knew like the back of your hand from how often you were over there. But then you graduated, packed your bags and never looked back, and you never got to see Yoongi’s house. He was so proud of it, too, when he scored a lease right after commencement. Told you all about it. You remember him being particularly excited about finally being allowed a pet. Kid’s wanted a dog all of his life.

Even in the darkness, Yoongi’s house emanates an aura that closely resembles the person residing within it. It’s a small building, fake black shutters on the sides of each of the white-rimmed windows. Small, a little lopsided, but it looks more like a home than a house, even from the outside. Yoongi’s done well. You know he has, because even though this house isn’t the biggest, isn’t the most expensive, it’s pretty and quaint and cozy, all things that a house should be. That a home should be.

“You’ve reached your destination,” Namjoon says in his best automated-female-robot voice, breaking as he reaches Yoongi’s driveway. “Here we are. Nerd Central, as I like to call it.”

You allow yourself to chuckle at Namjoon’s words as you get out, the outside lights your only source of illumination as you make your way to the back of the car, where your lone suitcase is. Namjoon gets out too, just to help you yank it out of the tiny boot of the car.

“Wish I could stay with you guys, but you know what they say. Three’s a crowd. Also, I have a dog at home that needs feeding. So, gotta blast,” Namjoon says as he bids you not a goodbye, but a see you later, instead. “You’re hanging around for Hoseok’s Christmas party, right? I’m sure we’ll see each other before then, but just in case, I’ll see you there, too.”

Namjoon sends you a warm smile as you tentatively approach Yoongi’s front door. Once he sees you taking that first step, he’s revving up the engine of that beat-up Cadillac and zooming off into the night.

You raise your fist to the wood, letting it hover in front of the door. You pause. What if Yoongi’s asleep? He didn’t know that you were going to show up at his front door, lost and dazed. Maybe, he doesn’t want you here. That’s fine. You don’t want to be here either. You’re a phone call away from calling a lonely Uber and going back to the city, where you think you belong. You don’t need to be here. Why should you?

But then, before you can panic and run, all of the lights inside turn on, and the door opens.

“Y/N?” Yoongi asks when he sees you, but it’s not in disappointment at your sudden arrival. He looks surprised. Almost happy.

“Hey,” you reply, sheepish. “Sorry I didn’t warn you beforehand that I would show up at your door. I just didn’t want to bother my parents this late at night and I had nowhere else to go—”

Yoongi says nothing, just envelopes you into this bone-crushing hug that lets the warmth of his body seep into yours. It’s been too long since you’ve hugged somebody like this. Too long since you’ve seen Yoongi, relished in the company that you treasured for years on end. You almost thought you might have forgotten him.

“I missed you,” Yoongi breathes into your skin before he lets you go. “Never apologize for being here. Ever.”

“I just—I don’t want to intrude—”

“You’ll never be an intruder in my life, Y/N. You’re family,” Yoongi promises as he looks you dead in the eyes, hands firmly planted on your shoulders. “I’ll never be bothered by you.”

You force out a smile—the only thing you can do under Yoongi’s piercing gaze, full of love and concern. “I’ll be out of your hair by tomorrow, I promise. I can stay with my parents.”

Yoongi shakes his head, tugging you inside, suitcase skipping on the doorframe. “You can stay here for as long as you like, Y/N. I got room.”

Breathing out a sigh of relief, you send Yoongi a thankful smile as you take in the sight of his home. Just like you thought, it’s cozy, reeking of Yoongi’s ever-constant presence. The beige paint on the walls is chipping away at the corners, and his rug is covered in what you assume to be dog fur, judging by the sleeping creature taking up residence on Yoongi’s sofa as you pass by the living room. You never met Yoongi’s dog before you left.

“Don’t worry about Holly,” Yoongi says casually when he notices how she catches your eye. “She’ll go right back to sleep if you wake her up because she’s lazy as hell.”

“She reminds me of you,” you muse thoughtfully, making Yoongi chuckle. It’s always so uncanny, how dogs and their owners mirror each other’s personalities without them even trying. The dog picks you, not the other way around.

Yoongi brings you into his kitchen, recently renovated (the stainless steel oven glows in the fluorescence of the light above your heads, and everything just smells new), marching over to his fridge and whipping out a Cherry Coke. Old habits die hard, and Min Yoongi stocks up on so many Cherry Cokes that his dentist is probably crying themselves to sleep.

“Want? I remember you used to love these, back in the day,” Yoongi asks, shaking the can slightly as he offers it to you.

You started liking them because of Yoongi, in school. He discovered them one day in the vending machine outside of the building and instantly fell in love, easily wasting away dozens of dollars just to grab a can before class. And then suddenly, he had everyone hooked on them by college. Everyone who stayed, at least. You would dare each other to shake up the cans vigorously before drinking them, drop Mentos into the bottles and watch them explode. Seokjin used to order them for you at the local 50’s themed diner, ask for two straws so you could share the beverage over the booth.

Isn’t it strange how the smallest things can bring back the biggest memories?

Isn’t it strange how even if you leave, you’re never really gone, and how even if you forget, you’ll always end up remembering?

Dwelling on the past holds you back from seeing the future, but seeing the future makes you want to stay in the past.

“Sure,” you say, nodding as Yoongi holds it out for you, grabbing himself one while you take the can from his hand. Before opening it up, you tap on the top with your nail, three times in quick succession.

“You still do that? God, you’re weird,” Yoongi says when he notices, shaking his head fondly as he leads you to the living room and sits down on the couch, you following his actions. “I swear, you’re like the only person on Earth who taps their soda can before opening it. Actually, you and Seokjin both—”

And then Yoongi pauses as he looks up at you, apology written all over his face as he realizes what words just left his mouth. You see how his eyebrows drops, concern and regret washing over his face like a tidal wave as his lips part, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says, a hand resting on top of yours as you shake your head. “I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine, Yoongi,” you promise, the mention of his name less like a stab wound to the heart and more like a pinprick. Not enough to make you bleed, but just enough to let the pain reenter. “I’m over it, I swear.”

You’re a liar. You know that much.

“I’m going to have to see him here anyway, aren’t I?” You continue helpfully, not wanting your best friend to feel too bad about a slip of the tongue. “No point in trying to avoid it.”

“But I know that it’s still a sensitive topic, Y/N,” Yoongi says, and goddamn him for being your best friend, because it’s so easy for him to see right through you. “If it wasn’t, you’d have come back sooner.”

“I’m getting better,” you insist. It’s a lie, and you and Yoongi both know it. If you really were getting better, then why couldn’t you let it go? You haven’t forgiven yourself yet, and you haven’t forgotten him, either.

Just then, the creature between your bodies stirs, and a small dog lifts her head up in wonder and confusion. Through her hazy eyes, she meets yours, tilts her head, unable to recognize the face in front of her, and goes right back to sleep.

“Holly!” Yoongi says, but she doesn’t budge. “Holly!” He calls again. “Oh, fuck it, she won’t wake up. Here, you finished with that?” He motions to your Coke can, now empty. “Cool. I can take it and show you up to your room.”

Yoongi snatches it from your hand before you can protest him doing everything for you, tossing it casually into the trash can in his hallway (the high school basketball skills never left him, it seems) before leading you up his creaking stairs.

When you set foot on his second floor, it occurs to you how much you don’t know about him anymore.

Min Yoongi is a music producer, but you only figure that out now, after a quick peek into the office beside his bedroom. Littered along the walls inside are old vinyls, hot pink Post-Its with reminders and lyrics and chords. Three keyboards, at least, and an impressive display of some hefty desktops. Min Yoongi always liked music, but he studied business in university. You never knew what he dreamed of doing.

“That? Oh, it’s a fuckin’ mess in there,” Yoongi says, grimacing. “I really need to clean it up one of these days.”

“Is this what you do?” You ask, in awe.

“Yeah,” Yoongi shrugs. “It’s kind of nice, actually. Real cozy, and I get to work from home and it keeps my financially stable. Still in debt though, hashtag college.”

You laugh to yourself as Yoongi drags you out of what is easily your favorite room in the house, shows you to his single guest bedroom. It’s drab but comfortable, and easily more than what you could ever ask for.

“Thank you, Yoongi,” you say as he leaves you to it, bidding you goodnight. “For all of this.”

Yoongi meets your eyes and you’ve never been too good at reading through the haze in his own, but you can make out the love he holds in his heart for you, the appreciation for the friendship that never left his side. He nods softly, so faintly that you almost can’t make it out, before closing the door behind him.

Maybe this trip won’t be so bad after all.

The first thing that you do on your first official day back is go grocery shopping. Yoongi wrangles you out of bed surprisingly early for a guy who used to sleep right until his 2PM classes in college with little to no effort. He stands over your bed, tired eyes blinking away the sleep left in them as he comes into focus.

“What, did you think you’d just get to dissociate and stay holed up in my guest room?” Is the first thing he asks you, hands on his hips as he looks down at you. “Come on, lazy. I need to go grocery shopping and get some sort of host gift for Hoseok, since that’s a thing that you’re supposed to do when you go to a party.”

You groan, wrenching the covers from where they’re tucked in at the foot of the bed just so you can hide under them, shield your face from Yoongi’s leering gaze. Five more minutes, you mentally beg. Being back requires a lot of energy to face the horrors that each day brings forth.

You hear Yoongi’s footsteps as they get farther and farther away from you. “I’m leaving in thirty and I’m taking you with me, whether you like it or not. No makeup necessary. We’re going to the supermarket.” With that, the door slams shut, and you roll over onto your back and sigh.

Thirty minutes later you’re trudging outside and waiting on the step of Yoongi’s front porch as he bickers with Namjoon to get his car back. You don’t understand why you can’t just go grocery shopping later.

Eventually, Namjoon shows up outside Yoongi’s door in that poor old Cadillac, and Yoongi’s tugging on your arm to get you to stand up so you can actually start going places instead of lounging in the hermitage that is Yoongi’s house.

“Knew we’d see each other again, Y/N,” Namjoon says happily as you climb into the backseat of the car. “Are you guys dropping me back off at home first or do I get to third-wheel your platonic get-together?”

“I’m gonna drop you off at the curb and you can walk home, fucker,” Yoongi says, and Namjoon just laughs. He knows Yoongi too well. Yoongi’d never do that to him.

You end up swinging by Namjoon’s little flat in the center of town, dropping him off right outside the lobby with a goodbye and a “see you at Hoseok’s party tomorrow!” He waves happily as you drive off, and you realize that it’s been a while since you’ve seen people so full of love and light in this town. It’s been a while since you believed there was any of that in this place.

The grocery store is the same one that was there five years ago, down to the flickering sign that they never bothered to replace. It smells the same, reeks of cigarette smoke and metal, and it’s the strangest scent that feels like home thus far. You never thought this lone, run-down supermarket would mean so much to you. It’s decently packed, unsurprisingly so since it’s so close to the holidays—even people in this small little town have shit to do before Christmas is upon them. You manage to snatch the last small-sized grocery cart from the rack and wheel it back to Yoongi, who grins as he drops a full carton of apple cider into it, snagged from the display shelf in the entrance.

“You want anything while we’re here, Y/N?” Yoongi asks as you wheel into the store.

“No thank you,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m only going to be here for a few days—no point in buying me anything nice.”

Yoongi chuckles. “That’s exactly the point, you dumbass. You’re here and staying with me and as your proud best friend-slash-host, I feel morally obligated to buy you some nice things while we’re here. You can’t say no. That’s not allowed.”

“But I don’t want you to waste your money on anything for me,” you insist. Yoongi’s hardly paying attention to you, too busy inspecting a box of clementines. He shrugs and drops the entire thing into the cart.

“It’s not a waste if it’s on you,” Yoongi says, not even meeting your pleading eyes. “Come on, man,” he nudges your shoulder, “don’t you miss those shitty store-brand fake Doritos that taste like spray cheese on a corn chip? I know you do.”

Before you can protest, Yoongi’s tugging you and the cart towards the chips aisle and grabbing a family-size packet of those generic cheese chips that taste like cardboard and Cheetos. He cuts off all your indignant cries without any qualms, insisting that he can spare some spare change worth of shitty chips. If you won’t accept anything else from him, you’re forced to accept this.

You suppose it isn’t that bad that he’s buying you some of the chips that you lived off of during your college years, reaching down into the cart and opening the packet, allowing yourself to indulge in a few. Eating these chips is like eating garbage, but it’s garbage that’s strangely addicting. You don’t want to know what kinds of drugs are in these chips. Ignorance is bliss.

You and Yoongi parade around the grocery store happily as you finally learn what it’s like to let loose again, the tension from being back in the one place you swore you’d never return to leaving your shoulders. Being back here is finally starting to remind you of the good times rather than the bad ones, memories of you running down the aisles at midnight with your futures bright and your eyes brighter.

There’s not a place in this town that doesn’t remind you of him but that’s okay, because the memories you have of you and him together are better kept as dreams than nightmares.

“Which holiday cake says ‘Thanks for hosting this party even though we all drew straws and yours was the shortest so you had no choice’ best?” Yoongi asks when the two of you are staring over the mildly-refrigerated display of desserts and pastries. You had told Yoongi that cakes were foolproof host gifts, so here you are.

“You drew straws?” You ask in confusion. “I thought you guys liked hosting holiday parties.”

“We did,” Yoongi admits. “But that was before you left. You made hosting the holiday parties so easy, helping us with all of the invitations and decorations and planning. But then you left, and all of us realized that we didn’t really know how to uphold the tradition without you.”

Yoongi’s words leave you in a stunned silence as they sink in. When you left, you thought that you were doing everyone a favor. When you left, you didn’t think anyone would want you to stay, other than Yoongi and your parents, really. You thought that leaving would be best for you, for Seokjin, and for everyone else. You didn’t see a point in staying.

You didn’t realize that they would miss you.

You don’t realize that they miss you until you come back and they tell you that they do.

“Oh,” you say, speechless. “I didn’t think that you guys would miss me like that.”

“Y/N?”

You thought you’d be prepared to face him. You really did, because you wouldn’t have come back if you thought you weren’t. But when you make eye contact, meet his fluttering brown irises, and realize that even though your mind told you it was ready, your heart knows that it isn’t, and your heart knows better than anything else. Even the sound of his voice is enough to have sirens blare in your brain as the memories come flooding back.

He looks good. That might be the one of the worst parts of this whole thing, how fucking good he looks and how much of a mess you are in comparison. Seokjin is wearing a suit that fits him impossibly well, navy blue tailored in all of the right places, a red tie around his neck that compliments his skin tone impeccably well. It doesn’t look like he’s missed you a single bit, not from the way he holds his head high and radiates confidence.

You, on the other hand, are makeup-less, wearing the slouchiest clothes you packed—you thought you were just going grocery shopping, for fuck’s sake—and, quite frankly, look awful. You know you do. The past five years haven’t been kind to you, and it shows, from your slightly crooked haircut to the bags under your eyes.

It’s evident to see how much of a toll your relationship (or lack thereof) has taken on the both of you.

“How about this chocolate one, Y/N?” Yoongi’s voice interrupts your whirring brain. “Y/N?” His words trail off when he sees who’s in front of you.

“Seokjin?” You ask, as if your eyes are deceiving you, like he’s not really there, in all of his glory.

He looks just as beautiful as the day he left you. And that’s the worst part.

“When did—when did—you came back?” Seokjin says, unable to form much of a coherent sentence as the sight of you registers.

“Believe me, I didn’t think I would either,” you joke, unsure on how to break the block of ice that’s formed between the two of you.

“I just…” Seokjin says, trailing off. “I didn’t know you were coming back.”

“You don’t know a lot of things about me, Seokjin,” you say, and sure, it’s bitter and petty and biting, but it’s the truth. Seokjin deserves to take at least some of the blame for how you’ve been moping about for the past five years. It’s only fair.

Clearly, your words catch Seokjin off guard. His mouth parts to say something but nothing can come out, and the sight makes you feel a little bolder.

“I—”

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” Yoongi asks, coming up behind you with a frozen chocolate cake in hand. Seokjin’s bright expression immediately dims when he sees him approaching, standing next to you protectively. “Oh, hey, Seokjin.”

“Hey, Yoongi. Are the two of you—?”

“I invited Y/N back for Hoseok’s Christmas party, but I didn’t think she’d actually come,” Yoongi jokes, earning an indignant nudge in his shoulder from your elbow.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Seokjin comments mindlessly, words stiff. “I didn’t know that you had invited her.”

“I know.” Yoongi nods.

“Oh,” Seokjin says, taken aback by Yoongi’s bluntness. You’ve always loved that about him. “Well, it’s nice to have you back, Y/N. Are you—”

“We’re staying together,” you say, knowing fully well that it’ll tick Seokjin off even though he has no right to be pissed. “If that’s what you wanted to know.”

Seokjin’s entire body stiffens. “Okay, then. I’ll see you both at Hoseok’s party tomorrow night, then?”

“Looking forward to it,” Yoongi says, nodding his head. Seokjin sends the two of you a tight smile, grin forced, before turning around and walking the other way.

You let out the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in when he’s out of sight, sighing deeply as you mentally calm your racing heart. No matter how long it will be, it will always be too soon to see him again.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Yoongi asks, voice laced with concern as he carefully places the cake in the cart, his other hand resting soothingly on your shoulder. “I didn’t know he’d be here. I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay,” you respond. “Thanks for talking to him for me.”

“You know I’d do anything for you,” Yoongi promises. “But I’m glad you’re feeling alright. It’s good practice for tomorrow, since you’ll have to see him there anyway.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Yoongi,” you assure him. “I’m not a snowflake. I won’t melt under his touch.”

“I know,” Yoongi says, sighing. “I just don’t want him to break your heart again.”

The last time you went to a Christmas party hosted by one of your friends, you were a senior in college, on your way to getting your fucking Bachelor’s, and a little bit drunk off of a couple of beers you had had prior to arriving. Being mildly buzzed is really the only way to show up to a Christmas party, when you think about it.

This time, there’s no alcohol in your system, though you may as well chug a glass of wine or two anyway with all of the jitters running through your body. You could do with something ease your worries.

You don’t know why you’re so nervous. You really don’t. You’ve been psyching yourself up for this single event ever since you hit ‘Checkout’ on the airline website, confirming your plane ticket. This Christmas party is, essentially, the only reason why you’re back. A chance to briefly reconnect with everyone before flying off to the city you now come home, unable to tolerate being here any more than you absolutely have to.

The mere thought of having to face Seokjin again makes you want to stay at home.

But you’ll never get over it if you can’t learn to deal with it, and you’ll never learn to deal with it if you can’t will yourself to. Fear is but a word, and you are but a girl.

So, you pull your makeup out of your single suitcase, put on your nicest dress, and decide that maybe, if all goes well, you’ll be able to go back to your anonymous city life in peace. You’ll be able to leave this all behind without the regrets you left after you moved, find peace in new beginnings outside of the town that’s caged you in.

“Ready to go?” Yoongi asks as he knocks on the doorframe of his guest bedroom, alerting you of his presence. You look up, mascara finished on only one eye, and see him standing happily outside your room in what is the ugliest Christmas sweater you’ve ever laid eyes on.

Oh, right. You forgot that these parties involved a running tradition of ugly Christmas sweaters.

You got rid of all of yours when you left.

“Clearly not,” Yoongi comments to himself, answering his own question as you raise a brow in objection. “You actually look nice. The fuck?”

“Am I not allowed to look nice for a Christmas party?” You cry as you apply the rest of your mascara, trying not to blink so you don’t go smudging it everywhere.

“No,” Yoongi says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Jesus, it’s been five years and already you forget what is easily the most important tradition of our annual Christmas bashes? Leaving really did change you.”

You pout in protest to your words, setting your makeup aside and standing up. You dust off your dress just to make a show of how nice you look. Yoongi rolls his eyes in what can only be interpreted as an absolute fondness, shaking his head as he taps his fingers on your doorframe on his way downstairs. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and for a second, you think you might actually look like you belong here.

---

“Move out the way, people! Please get out of my way! I have a delicacy in my hand!” Yoongi shrieks as he walks into Hoseok’s house, making periodic beeping noises, just in case he needs to alert anyone further of his presence. He’s carrying the store-bought cake in both hands and treating it like it’s the world’s most precious diamond. In a way, shitty, high-calorie store-bought cake kind of is.

The first thing that you hear when you step inside behind Yoongi, not wanting to prevent him from getting the cake in his hands to its designated spot, is Hoseok’s boisterous laugh. It’s been five years but even you can’t forget the sound of it ringing through your ears like jingle bells. He must be on the floor at the sight of Yoongi in all of his glory, parading through his house with a cake in his hands, ugly Christmas sweater and Santa hat proudly on. You’d be laughing, too.

It’s so strange, being back. It feels like something of an out-of-body experience, where you’re watching everything happen but can’t picture yourself in the scenario. Like you’re watching a movie play out right before your eyes, only you’re one of extras. In books, they always talk about time freezing but the two main characters continue on, kissing and all of that nonsense as the world stops for them. But when you’re here, and you’re standing in the middle of Hoseok’s living room, surrounded by people who don’t have nearly as many regrets as you do, it feels like you’re the frozen one. Like you’re stuck in this awful suspended animation as everything around you keeps going, as the world turns but leaves you behind.

“Y/N!” Hoseok shouts, breaking you out of your trance. “Is that really you? My God, you haven’t changed a bit!”

Seeing Hoseok may very well be the most refreshing breath of air you’ve taken this entire trip. You only have good memories with him, thoughts of only laughter and light when you think back to university with him. Hoseok was the one person you knew you’d end up missing when you left.

“Hey, Hoseok,” you say, though you doubt he hears you over the sound of terrible karaoke to Mariah Carey on his television and the crushing of your bones as he envelopes you in a hug. “It’s been a while.”

“What?” Hoseok shouts.

“It’s been a while!” You repeat yourself, a little louder. It looks like you’ll be doing that a lot this evening.

“Sure has!” Hoseok says, swishing the glass of champagne in his hand. “Wow, adult life is really treating you well! You’ve never looked better, you know!”

“Thanks! You look nice, too!” You reply back, already getting tired of shouting.

“I know! Hey, where’s your ugly Christmas sweater? Come on, you invented that tradition!” Hoseok asks, nudging you when he finally takes in your outfit of the night.

You shrug helplessly, unable to produce a good enough excuse for your attire. You’re about to make something up when Hoseok bids you goodbye, trampling off to someone else.

Turning the corner, you enter Hoseok’s crowded kitchen, filled with people you recognize and people you don’t as they help themselves to the monster of a buffet Hoseok has on his counter. It looks like you could probably have a three-course meal just from picking one thing from each plate, but suddenly your appetite is gone and all you feel is a craving for something to drink.

Some alcohol could really do you good, you think as you help yourself to a beer. You have the slightest feeling that you might need to loosen up for tonight, just so you can survive. You don’t remember these parties being this overwhelming, but then again, being back has never been that overwhelming either. Not until now.

With a full bottle of beer in your stomach, you feel a little better. A little safer, really, knowing that now you can blame the words that leave your mouth on the alcohol rather than on you.

Seokjin’s here, somewhere, but you haven’t seen him yet and if you get lucky, you won’t have to see him at all. You’ll distract yourself with mindless chatter, hide in Hoseok’s bathroom until he leaves. If you’re lucky, he’ll swing in and out of this party in an hour or so, busy with some business thing he’s probably keeping himself occupied with. If you’re lucky, you’ll come to this Christmas party, celebrate with your old friends, and leave with no intent on returning. If you’re lucky, all will go as planned.

Somehow, someway, Namjoon manages to convince you to join in on an awful cover of something by Michael Bublé—you can’t really make out much over the sound of everyone else’s screaming, or maybe it’s all just noise from your unyielding mind—on Hoseok’s karaoke machine with some guy named Jungkook. You’ve never met him before, but he seems nice enough and clearly enjoys giving it all to Christmas-flavored karaoke. They sing at the top of their lungs and you hide behind their booming voices, loud enough for them to hear you but nobody else.

It may as well be the most fun you’ve had in a long while, terrifyingly so. Having fun is fine, but ever since you left, you’ve developed a fear of attachment. A fear of commitment, to a person, to a place, to a thing. With fun comes memories, and with memories comes a promise to stay. And that’s a promise you don’t think you can keep.

A clearly drunk Yoongi wraps his arm around you halfway through the night, when it may as well already be Christmas Eve with how late it’s getting. He’s swinging an empty wine glass in his hand and has a loopy smile on his face, one you’re far too familiar with to think that it could be anything else but the face of pure haziness. He turns his head to look at you, eyes crinkling up in delight.

“Enjoying yourself so far, Y/N?” He asks, slurring his words slightly.

“Doing swell,” you say, laughing at the sight of your best friend in front of you. “You okay there, hot stuff?”

Yoongi nods but then has to grab onto you for balance, and so you take the liberty to leading him to the somehow empty couch in Hoseok’s living room so you can set him down. Drunk Yoongi was mildly fun to take care of during your college years, but now that you’re older, you find that it’s just more of a hassle.

“Come on, big guy,” you say, encouraging him as he collapses onto Hoseok’s couch cushions. As you’re leaning over him, making sure he’s not too drunk, you finally meet eyes.

Seokjin looks like a fish out of water in this place, the only other person in the entire vicinity who deigned not to wear an ugly Christmas sweater, staring at you with his pupils dilated and eyes blown wide. Even in the dim light of the fairy lights that Hoseok’s strung up and the flickering bulbs of his lamps, he glows.

You turn away first, not wanting to pay him too much attention as you turn your focus on Yoongi, who’s weakly clawing at your shoulder. You call Namjoon over and ask him to help deal with the hammered mess that is Min Yoongi, and dash outside, desperate for a breath of fresh air.

You knew this was a bad idea,. You get outside and heave, exhaling heavily as you trip over your own feet on the way down to Hoseok’s lawn. Eventually, you settle down in the grass, allowing yourself to decompress. You should have known being back wouldn’t be good for you. It’s all still too much, too much thought and too much regret and too much fear. Repression is only as strong as you are, and you’ve never been very strong.

You tilt your head up, allowing the cool winter breeze to send goosebumps along your skin as you stare up into the night sky. At least there’s one thing in your life that’s constant.

You don’t know how long you’re out here, immune to what most others would call the biting cold of December nights, staring up at the stars like a hopeless romantic, wishing for something more. You? You’re just hopeless.

“Too crowded?”

You turn your head to the source of the voice, and see Seokjin stepping outside as well, softly closing Hoseok’s front door behind him.

“I guess,” you say, turning back to face the road. “I just needed to clear my mind, that’s all.”

“I noticed that you were gone,” Seokjin says, sitting down in the grass a safe distance away from you. The two of you are no longer on the basis where you can sit together and act like everything’s fine. It’s not. Not between the two of you. “I don’t know if it was because of me, but I wanted to come check on you.”

“I appreciate that,” you say, and for once, you actually mean it.

“Are you and Yoongi a thing?” Seokjin asks, and your heart breaks, because even five years ago you knew that this was always his biggest fear. His worst nightmare.

“We’re not,” you tell him. “We never have been.”

It’s an answer to the question he should have asked you five years ago, a response to what he should have told you instead of deciding that enough was enough. Relationships end because people don’t communicate, and the biggest flaw that the two of you share is that neither of you have ever been good at expressing yourselves.

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin says. “I shouldn’t have doubted that.”

“I wish you would have listened to me,” you admit, and oh God, the words feel like vomit coming up your throat. Like one wrong move, and it’ll all come spilling out. You knew you shouldn’t have come back. You should have known the night would end like this, end with you crying about what-ifs and could-haves and wishing that you’d have never returned.

“Me too.”

Silence settles upon you, like dust after a storm. You welcome it with open arms, because sometimes silence is all you need to hear. In the right moments, it’s so much louder than noise.

“How long are you staying?” Seokjin asks you, still avoiding your gaze. One small turn to face him, and you see that he’s staring up at the stars, thumbs twiddling in his lap. He’s always looked at the same sky that you have. You just didn’t notice.

“I’m leaving in two days,” you say, already looking forward to your December 26th ticket back home.

Is the city really a home if the people that make one aren’t there?

“Oh,” Seokjin says, somewhat dejectedly. “I was hoping you’d stick around for a bit longer.”

“Why?” You ask, finally turning to him. “Why now? Why are you asking me to stay, five years too late?”

Seokjin meets your eyes, and it doesn’t look like he’s crying now but it looks like he has before. He’s got the same pain that you do, visible in his chocolate irises. You just never took the time to see it.

“Because five years too late, I have things that I want to say to you. That I should have said, but didn’t. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. You can leave. I won’t hold you back, like I did before. I won’t make the same mistakes,” he says, and it sounds like a swear, a vow, a promise. It’s frightening, because it makes your heart skip a beat as the hopeless romantic in you think that he means it.

He didn’t mean it last time.

“I can’t stay, Seokjin,” you tell him. “It’s too painful for me here. Everything reminds me of you.”

“Everything here reminds me of you, too,” he admits, and the words catch you off-guard, take you aback. Suddenly, the stars aren’t as important anymore.

Everything seems to pale in comparison to the thought that he might have missed you too.

“Don’t stay for me,” Seokjin says, changing his mind. “Just… just meet me? At the diner. Tomorrow, for lunch. I’ll be there at noon. You don’t have to come,” he says, standing up. “Don’t feel obligated to show. I know that—I know that you feel a lot of pressure to please others, but I want you to think about yourself. Just this once.”

His footsteps crinkle in the frozen grass as he heads back inside, leaving you left with nothing but yourself, your thoughts, and the stars.

When you tell Yoongi that you’re going out at 11:45 in the morning of Christmas Eve, he looks at you with his eyebrows raised, bewilderment riddling his features. But you’re already running late and you’ll chicken out if you think too hard about this, so you bid him a goodbye and run down to the nearest bus stop, leaving him speechless in his own doorway.

You still remember the bus route like the back of your hand. Five years and not a damn thing has changed, same stops, same creak of the wheels. Being on this bus, sitting alone in the back corner (nobody wants to travel on Christmas Eve), you almost feel like yourself again. Like you’re back in college, and the world that surrounds you is warm and bright. Like anything is possible.

You wish it were the same now. But the town that you’re in brings back only memories you wish would go away. Even during Christmas, the lights are dim and the sky is dull and nothing really feels worth celebrating anymore.

It’s muscle memory that tells you to ring the bell so you can get off. Nothing else, not when your mind is cloudy and fogged over with worry and regret. Your brain just barely recognizes the buildings the bus passes by, telling your hand to press the button when it realizes you’re at your stop. That’s what most things are these days, really. Muscle memory that just tells you to do things you already remember. That’s what these past five years have been.

You get off at the stop, staring right at the glowing 50’s diner in front of you. It’s all lit up like a Christmas tree, holiday lights dancing to the beat of the corny Christmas music that you can hear coming from inside. It’s so festive, so cheerful, a beacon of happiness in this dreary town, bleak without the smiles of rambunctious college teens to cheer it up.

Almost. Almost is such a shitty word because it’s never enough. Almost is what almost stops you from reaching out to open the door, what makes you pause right outside, unsure if it’s worth taking another step. You don’t know what lies on the other side of the door, what future awaits you in the booth that used to be yours. It’s 12:06 and Seokjin is definitely there, definitely waiting for a girl that won’t come for him.

You almost leave out of spite, out of revenge. It’s high time he get a taste of his own medicine.

But you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to step backwards, turn around and get on a bus ride home. Can’t bring yourself to leave him sitting there, alone on Christmas Eve of all days, hopeless and hopeful all at the same time. Because if you run from this then you’ll never stop. All you know how to do is run, run away from the problems that plague you, the memories that weigh you down. When was the last time you faced something head on? When was the last time that you decided that you were stronger than your weaknesses?

You take that first step, and it almost feels like a new beginning. Almost.

He sits in the same booth that you always sat in. Old habits die hard and these are some of the oldest. Some things that you just can’t let go of, no matter how hard you try. You walk over to him, positive that it’s your legs, not your heart that draws you towards him.

“Hey,” you say softly, sitting down across from him.

Seokjin’s expression lights up at the sight of you. “Hey,” he says, keeping his eyes glued to the menu. You already know what he’s going to order. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Me neither,” you admit helplessly. The only thing you can do these days is lie, but perhaps for today, it’d be worth it to tell the truth.

The waitress swings by to ask for you drink orders, and without thinking, Seokjin orders two Cherry Cokes. Muscle memory.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Seokjin says immediately afterwards. “I didn’t know if you wanted something different. I shouldn’t have just—”

He’s starting to sound like you, apologetic and worrisome and concerned.

“It’s fine, Seokjin,” you say. “Cherry Cokes are still my favorite.”

“Mine too,” Seokjin replies, breathing out a sigh of relief.

It’s so strange to see him like this, so hesitant and tentative when all your life, you’ve known him as confident and boisterous and unabashedly himself. Like your mere presence sends him spinning back into uncertainty, akin to something of a first date.

In a way, this kind of is one.

“Do you, uh—do you still get the same stuff here? Menu hasn’t changed,” he asks you, chipping away at the ice that’s settled between the two of you with a toothpick. This is so fucking sad.

“I guess,” you say, and you tell your heart not to skip a beat at the thought of him still remembering your exact order, like these five years haven’t happened and everything is back to the way it was. “Do you?”

“I haven’t been here in five years,” Seokjin admits. “But I do.”

“Seokjin, I—”

“I missed you,” Seokjin interrupts, voice soft and shaky. It’s so quiet you almost don’t hear him over the sound of the traffic outside. “I know you think I didn’t, but I did.”

He renders you almost entirely speechless, brain unable to process his sentences as it comes up with blanks, response empty.

“It hasn’t been the same here, since you left. For any of us,” he tells you, and the sincerity in his voice is such a change from the way you last heard it, five years ago when he was screaming his head off at you and telling you that your relationship was useless.

The waitress arrives at the most inopportune (or opportune) time with your Cherry Cokes, two cans beside two ice-filled cups. She places them down on your table and Seokjin orders for the both of you, request rolling off his tongue like nothing’s changed. When she leaves, you’re stuck in silence again as the two of you grab your respective drinks, tapping on the lid with your fingernails, out of habit.

You do it at the exact same time.

Old habits die hard.

If Seokjin notices he makes no mention of it, just pours the beverage into his cup and begins drinking.

“I wasn’t going to come back,” you tell him honestly, because it’s high time that you started being truthful to yourself. “I didn’t want to run the risk of seeing you again.”

“I don’t blame you,” Seokjin says, chuckling to himself. It’s like looking back on the past five years of your life through the lens of an older, wiser version of yourself. One that recognizes that things aren’t always as they seem, and that just because something ends doesn’t mean it’s gone. “I broke your heart.”

Hearing the words from him almost make it feel like it never happened. Like your heart never shattered in his palms a week before graduation. Like he didn’t know how delicate it was to begin with, how one wrong move and it would all come crashing down.

“I wish you hadn’t.”

“Me too.”

“What did you want to talk to me about?” You ask, hoping to change the somber mood, though you doubt anything either of you say could make so much as a dent in it.

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin says again, and oh God, you’re getting sick of hearing him apologize. Hearing the words tumble off of his tongue again and again because he feels like he can’t say it enough. “I’m sorry for being jealous and untrusting and unloving. I’m sorry for not treating you with the respect you deserved. You could have done so much better.”

“But you were the best I could have done,” you say before you can stop yourself from spiraling back down into a hole of regret, love and loss. “You were all I ever asked for.”

“And I couldn’t even give you that,” Seokjin says.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Seokjin,” you tell him. “I’m over it.” And for once, you finally believe yourself when the words spill out. You finally think that you’re right.

“I’ll always worry about you, Y/N,” Seokjin responds. “I love you.”

Sirens go off as your entire heart halts. “Seokjin?”

“I love you,” he repeats. “And it’s okay if you don’t love me back, because I don’t deserve your love after the way I treated you. I’m not saying this to make you stay, because you should do what’s best for you. Not for me. You’re so kind to others, Y/N. I want you to be kind to yourself, too.”

Blinking furiously, you will yourself to make the tears go away, because goddamnit. Goddamn Kim Seokjin, who will always make you swoon and fall in love with him, even after five years of solitude, of separation. Goddamn Kim Seokjin who is warm and bright and owns up to his mistakes, cares more about you than you probably care about yourself. Goddamn it, because even after five years worth of a broken heart all it takes is one phrase to begin to patch it up.

“You can’t just say things like that,” you whisper to yourself. “How do you think it makes me feel?”

“I shouldn’t have told you, I know,” he says. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.”

“Seokjin, I—”

Your food arrives, a welcome interruption in an afternoon that feels like it’s just getting worse and worse. You drown yourself in the meal in front of you, food the only thing that can take your mind off of the thumping of your own heart and the unadulterated sadness that leaves your mouth. There are so many what-ifs and could-haves in this world, but dwelling on the past makes you scared of the future. And you don’t want to be scared anymore.

“Thanks for doing this for me,” Seokjin says when the meal is over, the bill is paid. He walks you out of the diner, staying a safe distance away to make you as comfortable as possible. You come to the realization that you’re only comfortable when you’re near him. “You’ve always been so selfless.”

“Seokjin, I just wanted to thank you,” you say as you reach the bus stop. “For all of this. For still loving me after I thought you stopped.”

“I’ll never stop,” he says. “I don’t—I don’t know if you’ll come back again once you leave in a few days, but I want you to know that seeing you again has made me truly happy, even if our old memories bring us only sadness.”

“I’m working on that,” you tell him, and you finally fucking meet his eyes. For the first time in a long time, there is hope and wonder laced in gold among his irises, promises that you know he will give his life to keep. “I don’t think our old memories bring me sadness anymore. I think I’m finally starting to see the happiness within them.”

December 26th rolls around and there’s a whole party sending you off, bringing you to the train station so that everyone can say their goodbyes.

What’s different this time is that you’ve promised to come back, something that three days ago, you could have never imagined. This time, you look forward to the day where you step off of the platform and see Yoongi waiting for you, gummy smile wide on his face as he sees you. Maybe you’ll see Seokjin, instead, and he’ll be waiting to pick you up in his fancy car and take you anywhere you want to go.

Yoongi pulls you in for a bone-crushing hug, makes you swear that it’ll be less than five years he’ll have to wait for your return. You promise to call him more, write to him often, keep in touch as much as possible. That was one mistake you made, cutting yourself off from your old life entirely. Sometimes memories are worth remembering, after all.

When you wrap your arms around Seokjin, the world finally starts to feel like home beneath your fingertips. You begin to believe that one day, you’ll rule the world again, with him by your side just like how it was always supposed to be.

“I love you,” Seokjin murmurs into your ear before you let go. “When you get back, we can do whatever you want to do. I’ll show you the whole world, if you ask me to.”

You love him too, you just haven’t said it yet. You don’t need to. He already knows, from the way you’ve promised to return, from how you nod happily when he says he’ll see you again.

The train arrives and you look back on your farewell party, stepping off of the run-down station and into the car. One look through the window and they’re waving to you, and as you wave back, you know that no matter how far you go, you’ll always come back home.

⇒ hmu with feedback or just talk to me here!

[lil-nct-scenarios-11]

NCT- A Strange Surprise || Gang AU- part 3

Group: NCT- all members

Theme: Gang AU

Type: series- fluff + angst

*Warning- this series will cover some dark themes such as abuse, drugs, and crude language so please read at your own discretion, if these themes make you uncomfortable at all, please do not read this 

Plot: You see Renjun all bruised up and he keeps denying who hurt him. After school, a family emergency pops up so you run to Renjun to stay with him. When he takes you to stay at a friend’s house, you have an unexpected guest.

Previous parts: 1, 2 

“Renjun, what happened to your face?” you ask as you run your fingers over his bruises softly. “Junnie, who did this? Is that Mark kid, I swear imma give a piece of my mind when I see him.”

“Haha, Y/N you’re cute when you worry about me but Imma ask for you not to worry just this once. I just uh... fell,” he lies with a cheeky grin.

“Oh and you really expect me to believe that? Why can’t you just tell me the truth Junnie? I understand that you couldn’t blurt everything about what happened to Jaemin but I’ve known you since we were 2, sure we haven’t really talked for like what, 3 years? But that shouldn’t change the bond and trust we shared for all those years. Look I don’t know what kinda friends you have now or the shit they do but guess what? I’m back and you can confine in me because shit I know you, I know when I have to worry about something. And your cute ass can bet that I’m gunna worry about you when you show up with a fuckin bruise on your face. So tell me what’s really going on here?” you say, holding his hands and looking at him, never wavering your eye contact.

His expression hardens, “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t do that and besides class is gunna start so...”

“Whatever, I will have you tell me one day because I can’t continue to be your friend if you’re not being honest with me so...”

_____  

“Today I’ll be assigning a group essay, you’ll be free to choose your topic from one of the given options however I’ll be choosing your groups. In the first group over here, we have Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Y/N, and Renjun. You guys can go ahead and move now. Ok the next group, we have-” your English teacher drones on.

You pack up your stuff hastily and move into the area your teacher directed you to go.

“Ugh I don't wanna work with him/her, he/she’s hella annoying Jeno. Why do you even like him/her so much?” you hear Haechan muttering to Jeno.

“Shut up, you complain too much, just go with it and besides you’re not the only one who’s gunna have trouble getting along with the group. We got grouped up with those two, if Y/N wasn’t here I don’t know what we would’ve done honestly.”

“Yea true, but what can we do now?”

“Um, hey guys. I think we should just go join the other two,” you say hesitantly as you sling your arm around Haechan, who had a very disapproving look on his face. As you three sit down, you can immediately feel the tension between your two separate friend groups. The intense stare-off were starting to get to you so you decide to be one to speak up. “Ahem so uh, does anyone have any preference on the essay topic or-”

“You can just choose whatever, it really doesn’t matter, they’re all boring,” Haechan speaks out boredly as he looks at his nails.

“Um actually I’m interested in the one about solar power, what do you think?” Jaemin squeaks softly.

“Yea, I actually like that one too,” Jeno agrees, nodding as he glances at Jaemin.

“Yea, that one is alright,” Renjun adds in.

“Ok cool, that went smoothly. Um let’s brainstorm now, I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing after that,” you nervously ramble.

“Yo, what happened to yo guys’ face? Your boy/girlfriends don't like you or somethin?” Hae asks abruptly.

“Hae! Don’t say that!” you exclaim.

“He just asked a simple question Y/N, you don’t need to get upset,” Jeno states quickly.

“You don’t-” you start.

“Y/N,” Renjun says softly as he places a hand on your shoulder. “It’s ok, haha we love to play rough so that’s why we look like this.”

“But-” you go off again but Renjun silences you by giving you a sharp glare.

“Haha yup, Renjun has always been like this,” you lie with a smile as you lightly punch Renjun.

“Well then,” Haechan says simply.

_______

As usual, you make your way to meet Renjun after school but this time you were alert and ready to see who would come calling his name today.

So far everything looked alright so you greet your close friend with a comforting hug before sitting down. “So I was thinking, it’s a Friday night and it’s been a long week so do you-” you get cut off by your phone going off. “Oh I gotta take this I’ll be right back,” you say as you walk away to answer your call.

As you find a quiet place to carry your conversation, Jeno suddenly finds Renjun sitting under the shade and he decides to go over to join him.

“Hey Renjun! I want you to drop Y/N.” Jeno boldly challenges as he swiftly walks towards to him. “We both know damn well that he/she can only be with one gang, yours or mine. So I want to you leave him/her because unlike you, I can introduce her to all my friends. Oh wait. I already did that, and we all agree that we want him/her to continue to be our friend so drop him/her.”

Renjun scoffs, “Are you really that dumb to think I’d give up my close friend that I’ve known since we were barely learning to talk just because I can’t introduce him/her to my gang? Wow, nice try buddy, it ain’t happening.”

“Why don't we just ask Y/N him/herself since he/she is coming back,” Jeno asks as he points to you. You come running towards Renjun and crash into his arms so you sob into his chest.

“Whoa what happened,” Renjun asks promptly as he rubs your back reassuringly.

“My.... arrested,” you sniffle.

“What did you say Y/N?” Jeno asks this time as he comes closer to turn you around to face him gently. You sob into your hands as you explain again, “My.. dad got...arrested.”

Both, Jeno and Renjun’s eyes go wide with shock and Jeno pulls you into a tight hug and smooths down your hair and you begin to cry harder. “Shh, we’ll figure something out Y/N. Do you know what happened?” Jeno asks.

You shake your head frantically and you pull yourself away from Jeno’s warm embrace to talk to Renjun. “Can I stay with you tonight? I can’t sleep at home all alone and you are the only one I know and trust.”

“Of course, my parents and I will take good care of you,” Renjun reassures.

You sniffle as you manage a weak smile, “Thank you Junnie.” You face Jeno to give a hug as you say, “Bye Jeno, I’ll see you Monday hopefully. I’m sorry you had to see me like this, I just met you and-”

“Hey don’t worry about it, this came up unexpectedly. Go, Renjun will treat you well. I’m sorry about what happened to your dad, hopefully you’ll be able to find out what happened to him. Bye Y/N.” Jeno consoles.

You smile frailly again as you wave lightly to Jeno as you and Renjun head home.

___

“Hey is it ok to stop by a friend’s house, you can rest there for however long you need and I know they won’t mind,” Renjun suggests.

You just nod feebly as you follow Renjun towards a small two-story house. Even from outside you could hear the utter chaos from within but it was nothing like the ‘good’ chaos you experienced yesterday. When Renjun opens the door and you step foot inside, everything suddenly goes deathly quiet as everyone’s eyes were on you, silently judging you.

A tall, lanky guy lurks in the corner with a can of Redbull in hand as he asks dauntingly, “So your daddy got arrested huh?”

You furrow your eyebrows as you look at Renjun then back at the giant, “How... how do you know?”

“It’s simple, no one comes here unless their mommy or daddy gets arrested and I know you only got your dad so you put two and two together. Anyways its finally-” Johnny goes on but you cut him off to talk to Renjun.

“Junnie, did... one of your parents.. get.. arrested?” You ask quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

“Oh he didn’t tell you? Both of his folks got locked up and it was pretty romantic the way they did it too huh ‘Junnie’? Anyways, like I was tryna to say before you cut me off, it’s nice to finally meet you. Oh wait, before I show you around, there’s one thing I want you to keep in your pretty little head, no one cuts me off. You only get this freebie but after that you’ll regret it. Ok now that’s done, I suppose you’re gunna be staying here now aren’t you?” the figure asks tauntingly.

“Uhh-” you begin as you hear and see a slim guy with purple-sliverish hair make his way to the living room, where you guys were.

“Johnny, why are you over here acting like a leader? If you wanted to be one so badly then you should done that when Yuta left!” The purple-silver guy spat.

Just then you hear a thunderous knock on the door. Another tall, lean guy with porcelain skin, dark black hair, and large doll-like eyes answers the door and his deep voice calls out with a  chuckle, “Doyoung, looks like your best friend is here.”

“Thank you Hansol hyung, but I can clearly see that. Well then, it's been a while Taeyong.” Doyoung smiles malevolently.

Part 4

*wait can we just take a moment to adore and admire this wonderful human that is Ji Hansol like he could ch with his sharp ass dance moves oml have yall SEENNNN the way dances its like he doesn’t have any bones tff, ok thnx for letting me have a moment lol

*shit I'm so sorry this is soo short and soo late but I saw a good cliffhanger and I went with it haha (ny anon this one is a legit baby one bc at least u know whos at the door ya know)

*I promise part 4 is gunna be out tomorrow bc what even is that schedule I made literally just last week and it’ll be much longer and interesting, just think of this as a set up and make sure to bring popcorn and snacks for tomorrow *wink wink* and you’ll probably meet all the reaming members soon (if you ever get confused who’s in which group then you can check out Teaser 1 and the chart should be helpful I'm sry its so blurry :( )

[kenziechance94]

About Last Night

I am currently sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight and I’m going on two hours of sleep, so I’m pretty tired (but it’s worth it). I’m reminiscing about the last 24 hours of my life, and I am in complete awe. As a writer, you would think that I would know just what to say, but alas, even writers are at a loss for words sometimes. I don’t know how this is going to come out, but I am going to try my best.

I have been listening to East of Eli’s music since his first EP, “Nothing Ordinary,” came out in 2014 (if you haven’t heard it, check it out). I was lucky enough to see EOE at The Troubadour in LA in March, and seeing him live for the first time was like a dream. Nathan was absolutely amazing, and I knew that I wanted to see him again. So when he announced a concert in New York, I wanted to go. I had never been to New York, and what better excuse to go than to see an artist that has impacted you so much, am I right? Anyway, I looked at the date and realized that it was going to be during my spring break (I’m a writing student at the Vancouver Film School), and I was already planning on going home to KC to visit family and friends. I immediately thought of my sister, and figured that maybe we could make a little sister trip out of it. Unfortunately, the concert was a 21+ venue and my sister is only 15, so that wouldn’t work. Luckily, EOE was able to sell out that venue, so that allowed them to set up another concert the same week for all ages. At that moment, I was like, “I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen, but I am going to get my sister and I to that show if it’s the last thing I do!” And I did! After lots of negotiating with my parents, they finally agreed to let us go. So the week of my spring break came around, and I got to catch up with family and friends. Yesterday morning, my sister and I got up at 4am to make our flight to New York. After a layover and a grounded plane in Milwaukee, we finally made it to New York. I love cities, they just amaze me, so as soon as we were outside of the airport, I was ready to explore. My poor sister on the other hand is a country girl at heart. She lives for trap shooting and riding dirt bikes (we are the complete opposite in every way, but we are really great friends), so she was not as thrilled about being in the big city. After getting lost with our cab driver, and an hour drive to our hotel took us three hours, we were tired, but we knew we should try and see some of the city. So of course, me being the pizza lover that I am (I even brought my PJ pants that have pizza hearts all over them with me), told my sister we had to try authentic NY pizza while we were there, so we did. I was stuffed by the end of it, but it was definitely delicious. We then decided to embark on an adventure and take the subway to Central Park (luckily I’ve had experience with subways in Vancouver and in Berlin, so it wasn’t that difficult to figure out). Central Park was really pretty, but we didn’t get to stay long because we had to get back to our hotel to get ready for the concert.

Now, the concert. The concert is where the real magic began. We get to the venue and the line is insane to get in which just fills my heart with such joy to see so many people coming out to support Nathan and Chyler. We finally get inside and it’s about 15 minutes or so before EOE comes out. Now, for those who don’t know, this past week has been a rocky road for Nathan and his family. Last Monday, he got a call telling him that his father was losing his battle with cancer. He spent that next week by his side, and he wanted to cancel the shows (rightfully so), but his dad said no. His dad’s wish for him was to “carry on” (from “The Siege,” which according to Nathan is his dad’s favorite song) and play these shows in New York. I can only imagine how difficult it was for Nathan to have to make that choice, knowing that at any moment, his dad could no longer be on this earth. But Nathan made the choice, and he chose to follow his father’s wishes and continue on to NY. That only made me admire Nathan more than I already did because that kind of choice takes an enormous amount of strength. This just showed more clearly the depth of his character and the size of his heart. I have such respect for him. Then on top of that, yesterday, T-Mobile shut of Nathan and Chyler’s phone numbers, so they had no way of contacting each other. Luckily, Nathan and Chyler have some of the most amazing fans out there, and they were able to get the attention of the CEO of T-Mobile. Because of all of this, they got their phone numbers back. There is power in numbers, and when you set your mind to something, there really is nothing you can’t do. This was such a great example of that. You would think that this was enough adversity for one family in one week, but sadly this was not the last part of sad news. Nathan announced when he got on stage that there were some issues with Chyler’s flight and she was currently grounded in Toronto. Chyler was of course upset because she had missed Tuesdays’s concert to be with her kids and family in LA, and so she wanted to be here. Of course, everyone was sad, but it was understandable. Things happen, they suck, but we have to make the most of the situation and just keep going. Nathan and Chyler, being the awesome humans that they are, said that they were going to do everything in their power to get Chyler there and to make sure she got to meet every single person. Nathan continued on with the show, adding in some fun things to try and drag out the time, especially when we found out that Chyler was finally in the air and so she was on her way. Like always, he was amazing! His voice is incredible, and his lyrics are beyond compare. I have to say, EOE at The Troubadour was great, but there was something extra special about last night. Nathan brought multiple fans onto the stage, he goofed off, and he even tried singing a song from his first EP. The last one was the best because he’s only human, and so he was having a hard time remembering all of the words. The concert eventually ended, but he wanted us to hang out until Chyler could get there. We went to the front room, and I went with my sister towards the bar area and sat. Chyler showed up like 30 minutes later, and everyone was so excited. Chyler is a trooper. She was going on maybe two hours of sleep after finishing up her last scene of the season on Supergirl, and yet she was still here for her fans. Nathan and Chyler performed two songs together acoustically, and it was beautiful. After that, they made their way to an area of the room to do meet and greets. I stayed with my sister at the bar because: 1. just being in super large crowds in enclosed spaces makes be kind of anxious and 2. I had met Chyler briefly before, so I wanted to make sure everyone else got their chance. If I did’ t get to say hi, it wasn’t as big of a deal. So I was at the bar, and I started talking with the bartenders. John and Eric were so much fun! They offered up so awesome conversation, and they were great company while I was there with my sister. My sister and I had a blast chatting with them, and then Dre, the security guard, when he came and joined us (Dre actually thought I was an undercover cop, so that was both funny and awesome at the same time). I want to take a quick moment to thank all of the people working last night at The Knitting Factory in Brooklyn because they went above and beyond for us. This definitely includes John and Eric. John was sweet and he gave me a RedBull for free since I was tired, and then when he went to the store, he got my sister a banana. It was nice to make a friend in NY that said that if we were ever there again, they have an extra bed that we could crash in. I also got a sweet fox mask thing from Dre as a souvenir, so that’s pretty cool. Nathan came over at one point to thank John and Eric himself. He told them about everything that had happened that day, and how much it meant to him that they were doing this for us. John and Eric continued to keep my sister and I company until we ended up having to move outside because the bar was closing. My sister and I got in line outside and began waiting our turn. Nathan, again, being the amazing human he is, decided to give each of us still waiting a t-shirt for free. My sister and I were at the end of the line, so when he got to us, he stayed and talked for a minute. The first words out of my sister’s mouth were, “Brr it’s cold out here,” so Nathan so properly responded with, “There must be some Torros in the atmosphere.” My sister, whom I’ve been trying for a while to get to watch Bring It On, just stood there. I high-fived Nathan of course, because the reference was just beautiful. Gotta love some Jan the man. He then gave my sister a giant hug because she was absolutely exhausted. He was like a dad comforting his daughter, and it was such an amazing sight to see. He is just so genuine, and I can’t believe I’ve had the honor of meeting him. We eventually made it up to the front of the line to talk to Chyler, and Chyler gave my sister the biggest hug in the world. Like I said before, I have had the incredible pleasure of meeting Chyler before, but the only thing I’ve gotten to say to her was hi and that’s about it, so I was looking forward to a hug (my friend, Dened, has gotten many from her and she likes to say how great they are). I finally got my hug, and it was great. She’s just so sweet, gentle and kind, so of course her hug was very comforting. There was so much that I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to keep my sister out any longer. She had already came all the way to NY just for me, and was out at 5am when she had only gotten three hours of sleep the night before. My sister is a rockstar, and I am pretty lucky to have her (even if we disagree on 90% of things).

Last night, only proceeded to reaffirm all of my beliefs about Nathan and Chyler. I love what they are doing. They are using their power of influence to not only impact and change the community around them, but also the global community. They are such amazing people with huge hearts. They believe in family, and putting family first. Even though we aren’t their direct family, they treated us like family last night. They took their time, as tired as they were, to speak to each and every one of us. I admire them so much for that. What I love about them, is that they are open about their old baggage and dirty laundry, letting it be known, so that they can hopefully inspire others. They don’t try and hide their faults or their downfalls (we are all human after all). Along with that, I love the representation they are for the Christian community. Too many times nowadays, when people hear you are a Christian, they automatically assume you are going to be judgmental and rude, which sadly is not too far off for a lot of them. Chyler and Nathan on the other hand, are great embodiments of what it truly means to be a Christian (in my opinion). They show so much love to everyone, and Chyler is such an example, especially as she is playing the character of Alex Danvers on The CW’s, Supergirl. On the show, Alex recently realized that she was gay when Detective Maggie Sawyer entered her life. They are now together and are so cutely named, Sanvers. I think that this is one of the greatest things she could be doing for many reasons. One, her relationship on the show is such a healthy example of a relationship (especially for a queer couple). Then, I feel like this is a great thing because she is a Christian. She is showing that love is love, and it shouldn’t matter as long as you love each other. I think that that is a beautiful thing. I admired her so much more when this storyline came to be because of the impact I knew it would have. I struggle with being a Christian and supporting the LGBTQ community because so many Christians are so against it. I just don’t understand how a God who loves all (even the murderers), could hate someone who happens to fall in love with someone of the same sex. And Chyler has been outspoken about this as well. I remember watching an interview where she talked about this, and I cried. I cried because it was great to see someone with such influence who has the same beliefs as me. I am so grateful that Nathan and Chyler are in this world, spreading love and kindness with all that they do. Thank you for being prime examples of what it means to be human, and to love your neighbor. Thank you for taking so much time out of your day last night (and this morning) to meet each and every one of your fans. Most people wouldn’t do something like that, so thank you. You two are true heroes, and I pray that God blesses you immensely. I also pray that as your family is going through this difficult time, that you are able to find solace in him and in each other. Thank you again for everything. Thank you for being the role models this world needs. Thank you for inspiring others with your music and your words. Thank you for being superheroes to us all. Thank you.

Wow! This was a lot more than I thought I was going to say, but I wanted to get this all out. The past 24 hours truly has been magical, and I will never forget it. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I can’t wait until I get to see this amazing band again in July when they perform at The Roxy along with City of Sound and State to State (both of whom are amazing and deserve your attention as well). Thank you for taking your time to read this, it means a lot. I hope everyone has a great day!

[thenegativethreepercent-blog]

My Introduction/Beginning of a Story Thing?

Hey anyone who might see this! Kale Salad here (that’s my nickname, if you’re in need of context). This is our Tumblr, and if you read our description, you know we made this blog because we have a YouTube channel! Coincidentally, I am a helplessly sentimental person who likes to think I’m good at writing things late at night. So if anyone (for whatever reason) is interested, I’ve started writing a lil thing about the three of us going off to college. None of what I write has happened (yet); it’s more of an imagining of how I might think things will go and I thought some people might enjoy it. Another thing: I used our (decently odd) nicknames in it so I don’t embarrass myself. If you’re interested, keep reading! Chapter one is below. :)

The night before we left for our pre-college road trip, I was a complete mess.  Everything I could possibly take with me on the journey that my two closest friends, Milano Cookie and Deli Sandwich, and I were about to make from Kodiak, Alaska, where we had grown up, down to San Francisco was stowed safely in my suitcase and ready to go. However, being myself, I found countless things to be stressed out about the night before, as usual.  We had been planning this one last escapade before we headed off to college together in California for months, and yet a million unanswered questions hovered at the back of my mind: what if we get lost on the trip and what if we go over our budget and is any of this a good idea at all and, most worryingly, what if trying to be an adult goes horribly wrong? After I had written my umpteenth to-do list and inevitably scrapped it, I forced myself to relax.  It was already 1:30 a.m. and, if I wasn’t careful, my obsessive need to plan was going to keep me from waking up at five in the morning for our flight.  I laid on top of my covers for a while, trying to get to sleep, but after almost an hour of this with no success, I gave up and reached for my phone, intent on texting Milano or Deli.  Although there was a slim chance that either of them were still awake, it quieted my anxious thoughts to try.  

Hey, is anyone awake? I typed into our group chat and set down my phone with a sigh.  I got a response from Milano within five minutes.

Yep, I neglected to pack until now.  Kinda panicking. You? I giggled under my breath, feeling myself settle down a little.  It felt good to know that my friends felt just as unprepared as I did.

I’m freaking out a little too. My obsessive-compulsive nature is keeping me up.  But I’m sure we’ll be okay.

Yeah. This is scary, but we’ll survive this. Plus, we have the whole Summer ahead of us to screw around before we actually buckle down for college. Think about all the fun things we have planned! Remember what our first stop is...;)

Another wave of anxiety mixed with excitement crashed over me as I remembered what we – I –  had planned for that first road trip stop. I exhaled shakily and hoped that the Melatonin I had taken earlier would kick in soon, whisking me off to sleep where my doubts might leave me alone for a little while longer. Finally, I typed a reply: Oh god. Is stopping there even a good idea at all? I haven’t seen them in years. What if things are different and weird? Please give me a pep talk.

Milano responded almost immediately, forever my fast-typing savior: I know you’re nervous, but you’ll be okay. :) You’ve kept in contact with them, so it’s not like you two are total strangers. At the very least, think of it an occasion to catch up. It’s just coffee. They asked you, remember?

She was right. That’s all it was – reconnecting over coffee. I was just meeting them as an old friend, and trying my best to forget the fact that we had some pretty serious history (oh god what was I thinking?). But none of that mattered anymore. I tried to ignore the thoughts in my head about the amazing time we had spent together in the past. Tried to pretend it was just coffee to me too. I chewed a piece of skin off my lip as I replied. Yeah, I guess I’ll figure it out. Thanks. We should probably sleep now, or we’ll miss our flight lol. See you early tomorrow! 

I forced myself to take slower breaths as I turned up my music and closed my eyes again. I would deal with my irrational doubts and fears about our plans in the morning. For now, I needed my sleep. We had a big summer ahead of us.

-

I woke up to an alarm I had set the night before, a horrible techno song I had liked for some reason in middle school, blaring unapologetically in my ear. I groaned and, while contemplating all the different ways I would like to murder my past self and/or cruelly destroy my phone, rolled out of bed and stumbled to the light switch. I checked my messages as I walked to my dresser, blinking sleep out of my eyes – from the night before, there was a response goodnight text from Milano, as well as three from Deli, a few minutes earlier that morning, asking us “why were you guys up so late in the chat wtf and also yes Kale you’ll be fine and also probably get laid shut up nerd”. I snorted – this was why I was spending college with these two.

Preparation to leave that morning went by pretty quickly, and I was surprisingly calm the whole time, probably from the shock of it all. I threw on an oversized sweater and leggings, haphazardly brushed my teeth and hair, and hauled my suitcase up the stairs. Outside in the dark of too-early morning, my friends were waiting for me in Deli’s beat-up, piece-of-shit red pickup truck, the headlights cutting a path through the mist in the air. Deli, as always, had her Spotify playlist blasting way too loud, and even though it wasn’t her car, Milano was at the wheel. I could imagine her convincing Deli to let her drive, saying with a giggle that she didn’t want us to be run off the road and die in a ditch by Deli’s terrible driving, thankyouverymuch. I smiled at that moment and knew that I had made the right choice in going on this road trip with them. There were no two people I’d rather spend my summer with. Before I rushed out the door, my parents both gave me tearful hugs, promising to mail me the rest of my stuff in a box once I got settled at Stanford in the Fall. I would miss them, but I knew it was time to leave that island I had grown up on behind.

I ran out to Deli’s pickup, threw my suitcases in the flatbed with the rest of my best friends’ things, and told Deli, who was in the passenger’s seat, to scooch, because I was not sitting with our luggage. When I opened the door, Milano grinned and handed me a can of Redbull. “Here’s your life support. I was smart enough to raid Safeway before Deli picked me up.” She jokingly rolled her eyes, smiling wider, and nudged Deli with her elbow. I sighed in relief, beaming at Milano, and took the can, thankful that I had friends who were aware of the extreme importance of artificial energy to my system at all times. Then, once I squished and maneuvered myself into the small space between Deli and the car door, we were off. It seemed almost like one of our many late-night drives, except now there was a strange and new excitement in the air, as if even the molecules were aware of our impending departure. All the way to the airport, we discussed the shops we would visit in Pike Place Market and what the lines would be like at Six Flags and how Deli was definitely going to buy me Dairy Queen once we got out of Kodiak because I hadn’t had it in years. When we finally got to the parking lot, however, we all drifted into silence. It was mostly empty of cars, since we had opted for the cheapest – and earliest – flight that day, and it seemed like the whole world was paused as we made our figurative and literal steps toward adulthood.

“Are you guys ready for this?” Milano asked, looking towards the gate, fiddling with the straps of her backpack. In that moment, I was sure that I was the readiest I had ever been, and Deli must have agreed, because we both nodded silently at Milano before the three of us continued to the entrance. A little coffee meetup was nothing if I had them by my side.

The flights were exhausting, but the Redbull kept me awake, so I spent my airborne time watching the sun slowly rise over the clouds, lighting them up with blinding pinks, yellows, and oranges. At our stop in the Anchorage airport, I started to get nervous, specifically about the “little” meetup for coffee that seemed less and less small and risk-free the closer our final flight came. Was I even ready for it? What if I said something stupid and offensive like I frequently did in normal situations? And what if things were awkward and unbearably different? It had been almost two years – I had no idea what might’ve changed in that time. I tried not to get my hopes up, afraid of being crushed again.   While all these thoughts darted through my head in rapid succession, I followed behind Deli and Milano, who were wandering aimlessly through the little shops and restaurants we passed in the airport, looking for neck pillows and a specific kind of chewing gum from Japan that Deli had seen once and wanted to try. I wished I could focus completely on worrying about the little details, like they were, instead of being stuck constantly thinking about someone who most likely had no intention of starting anything with me again. I shook my head, pushing those thoughts to the side, and jogged to catch up with my two best friends – I was going to enjoy this trip, coffee or not.

-

I let out an exaggerated sigh of contentment and fell back onto my hotel bed. It was around noon, and we had reached our Seattle hotel room at last. We had booked the room for eight days, hoping that would be enough to explore the city thoroughly.

My eyes were closed, but from my left, I heard Milano muttering. “How the fuck did you get this room for so cheap? The view is amazing and it literally has like five rooms.”

I cracked one eye open to see Milano gazing out the window at the buildings around us, and snickered quietly. “I’m a hotel witch, didn’t you know?”

Milano chuckled at that and padded into her room, connected to mine by a small door. She was right, the room was huge – it had a main room and a bathroom, with three separate bedrooms connected to it that were also connected to each other. The truth was that I had spent a fortune of my own money to book it – I wanted our only hotel stay to be memorable and enjoyable before we left our creature comforts and inhabited connecting buses for the rest of the summer. I closed my eyes again, which were startled open only a moment later as Deli hopped on my bed next to me and poked my cheek. I frowned and kicked her to make her leave me alone and let me sleep the day away.

“Hey, you have a date in about three hours and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to look like you just woke up from a nap.” She whispered, laughter in her voice.  I darted up, swearing under my breath and muttering that it wasn’t a date, just a meetup. As Deli scoffed and shook her head, I darted into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I still wanted to look presentable.

[formula-what]

Team Principal Crash Course

I know someone’s probably done one of these, and I’m sure they are much prettier than mine. I’m going through a divorce with PowerPoint rn

But I’ve always wanted to do one of these!!! Also I needed an excuse to not sleep / do any actual productive work

This is for @landobviously and any new people to f1, although I’m not sure this is actually very helpful

Mercedes: Toto Wolff

Team principal and CEO

low key hot, has the floofiest hair.

His name is actually Torger Christian Wolff which I love even more than Toto.

Austria business man who personally owns 30% of Mercedes stock?? He originally owned shares for Williams but has sold them all :(

I think he’s pretty much unproblematic? But I’m a Mercedes Hoe so probably biased.

He’s married to Susie Wolff who used to be a racing driver. She did DTM, Formula Renault + F3 and was also a development/test driver for Williams (becoming the second woman to ever take part in an f1 weekend, 22 years after the first) She is now the team principle of a Formula-E team, Venturi Racing which is co-founded by Leonardo DiCaprio??

RedBull : Christian Horner

This is the fucker they interview All. Of. The. Fricking. Time.

Someone will breathe and they be like “let’s go to the pit lane to get Christians thoughts on this”

But he’s pretty funny and all of the other guys tend to shy away from the cameras so I’m not that pissed about it but like, sky Sports love him.

Has donkeys named after Max and Daniel

He fell in love with Sebastian Vettel and is still low key pissed that he abandoned them. Also his daughters favourite driver is Seb

Has major beef with Cyril (Renault team principal)

Married a Spice Girl, some of the RedBull boys go with him sometimes to her concerts and they wear her merch

Okay usually I would go Ferrari next, but they’re a midfielder now so..

McLaren: Zak Brown

Gets treated like team principal but is actually CEO

American, says duuuude a lot

Used to be a professional driver and I think he was actually good?? But idk

I hated him at first but honestly he seems pretty chill?

Gives the biggest bear hugs

Andreas Seidl

Is actually Team Principal

Falls under the radar

Just kinda hangs around looking judgy all the time

When he does speak I can never understand a word he says

Renault: Cyril Abiteboul

The Frenchiest French guy to ever French

Sacked Hulk for Ocon (who’s French) although that’s completely unfair of me since Hulk has entered 179 gps and yet has never gotten a podium (which is a record by the way!!!)

Will find beef in anything, and then yell at you for it. Or give you evil eyes from across the room

Cyril fuckers do not deserve rights you know who you are

Got scammed by Daniel Ricciardo

Hates Christian Horner

Brought Alonso back??

Doesn’t deserve to have any junior drivers

Renault Lotus used to be a pretty popular engine supplier in f1 but aftee this year they will be the only ones on the grid using it. Yeah this isn’t about Cyril at all but it makes him yell which makes me laugh so

Racing Point: Lawrence Stroll

Part owner of Racing Point, and invested £182m in Aston Martin?? Hence the name change next year

Pretty sure he owns a private island, put I have zero proof

Bought the team when it’s owner went to jail for fraud and the team went into debt. But for whatever reason they couldn’t actually buy the shares so instead they just had to rename it and pretend they’re a new constructor. Midway through the season.

Daddy Stroll but NOT because of his looks. He’s just rich as fuck and promoted his kid Lance Stroll into one of the seats (who is actually a pretty good driver and doesn’t deserve any hate at all)

Otmar Szafnauer

Team Principal

Low key thought he was the one that went to jail so... yeah I know nothing about this guy

apparently he is litterally in the Hall Of Fame

Ferrari: Mattia Binotto

Fun fact, he actually used to run a circus I’m kidding.

he runs one now though

Looks like an older and more permanently confused Chal Lelerc

Last year was his first season as a team principal and boy can you tell

Is the parent that says he doesn’t have favourites but then always takes the youngest’s side and thinks that they’re an angel child that can never do anything wrong

Alpha Tauri: Franz Tost

Looks so soft

I know nothing about him, but I’m pretty sure he’s in love with Seb

Ummm I don’t think he’s problematic? But it’s red bull so who knows

Has the exact same vibes as beans and sausages on toast and I will not expand on that it’s probably because of the name tbh

Haas: Guenther Steiner

Is the 🤬 emoji personified, every second word that comes out of his mouth is a swear

“We look like a bunch of fucking wankers”

I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m scared of him

Literally the most terrifying man alive

Will yell ALL THE TIME about literally ANYTHING

Keeps putting KMag and Romain together even though they spend more time crashing into each other than actually racing?? And yet is equally surprised everytime???

“We’ve got two fucking idiots driving for us” and have done for FOUR YEARS. Haas have only been a team for five years, and they’ve only ever had one other driver

But I love them both

Fell for whatever the fuck Rich Energy was

Alfa Romeo: Frédéric Vasseur

Team Principal and CEO

I’ve never seen this man in my life

Used to be team Principle of Renault???2016-2017??? Whaaaa????

Williams: Sir Frank Williams

Founder and team principal

Old as fuck

a big name in motor sport

Used to be a long distance runner, now has a wheel chair because he got into a car accident on the way to a fun run :(

Literally built Williams from the ground up (and they used to be very good I swear)

Claire Williams

Deputy team Principal (but actually does all of the stuff)

the only important woman

Doesn’t deserve any of the hate she gets (and she gets a lot)

She’s trying her best okay

The ‘this is fine’ meme personified