#some of it is really wrong imo tbh

[mieczyhale]

"What the hell did you expect me to do? You told me to love my neighbors, to model the life of Jesus. To be kind and considerate, and to stand up for the bullied. You told me to love people, consider others as more important than myself. "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight." We sang it together, pressing the volume pedal and leaning our hearts into the chorus. You told me to love my enemies, to even do good to those who wish for bad things. You told me to never "hate" anyone and to always find ways to encourage people. You told me it's better to give than receive, to be last instead of first. You told me that money doesn't bring happiness and can even lead to evil, but taking care of the needs of others brings great joy and life to the soul. You told me that Jesus looks at what I do for the least-of-these as the true depth of my faith. You told me to focus on my own sin instead of trying to police it in others. You told me to be accepting and forgiving. I paid attention. I took every lesson. And I did what you told me. But now, you call me a libtard. A queer-lover. You call me "woke." A backslider. You call me a heretic. A child of the devil. You call me a false prophet. A reprobate leading people to gates of hell. You call me soft. A snowflake. A socialist. What the hell did you expect me to do? You passed out the "WWJD" bracelets. I took it to heart. I thought you were serious, apparently not. We were once friends. But now, the lines have been drawn. You hate nearly all the people I love. You stand against nearly all the things I stand for. I'm trying to see a way forward, but it's hard when I survey all the hurt, harm, and darkness that comes in the wake of your beliefs and presence. What the hell did you expect me to do? I believed it all the way. I'm still believing it all the way. Which leaves me wondering, what happened to you?"

-Chris Kratzer

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[randomnameless]

Do you think Edelgard perceives herself as a victim? I’ve been thinking and I can’t decide myself, on one hand she clearly hates the idea of people being victims or helpless, and constantly reframes the victims of the war as “necessary sacrifices” instead of, y’know, tragic causalities of a war she started. She plays up her sad backstory to try to get Byleth to join with her in WC, but then she does all these things to concentrate as much power as possible on herself. On the other (other) hand, she pushes the culpability of the war on everyone except herself, and has trouble taking accountability. She’s obsessed with controlling everything but she doesn’t want to be blamed for the problems she’s created. What do you think?

Oh!

(sorry for replying one literal month later lol)

I find Supreme Leader hard to write because of this, but in a way, I believe that yes, she does.

However, for all the flak Faerghus gets for "ToXiC mAsCuLiNiTy" and "Chivalry BaD", there's something very toxic with the way some Adrestian victims (often women... blame the writers I guess?) deal with their abuse.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on Doro because I already typed a lot about her, but while she still sees herself as a victim from what she endured and suffered in her childhood, she adopted the toxic mindset of "this suffering is a thing of the past and I grew from that/beyond that to become the person I am now" - which we can also see in Manu who suffered from, roughly, the same traumas.

Petra also follows this pattern, being a hostage and treated like shit, but she grow "beyond" her status of a victim to become the strong person she projects and believes she is - it's only out of House that she realises more accutely her status within the Empire, the reality of her situation and, in Houses, refuses vassalage to Adrestia to make her country independent without having to "ask the Emperor".

It's the same pattern : "I was a victim" but "I became strong" so "I am not a victim anymore, this is something of the past".

Applied to Supreme Leader...

Well, trying to ignore the Agarthans and her dad's own infuence on her character (which is kind of hard, since the games try their hardest to make Agarthans responsible for everything BaD and we're not clear on how much they had an influence on her), I think Supreme Leader believes she was a "victim" of abuse.

But - through further abuse and surviving said abuse - she became strong* enough to "not be a victim anymore".

Which is why her line of "if the weak remain weak it's their fault" feels like it echoes part of her mindset : she was a victim but became strong enough, maybe by hardening her own feelings to become "strong", so she is not the same helpless "victim" she once was.

If she managed to do that, then everyone can do the same.

As for the "necessary sacrifices", since early 2019 someone theorised that "the people" she pretends the fight for as seen as some general "concept", much like the "greater good". So if some people are sacrificed, it's for her ideals - the goal and aim of her newfound strength - , and it piles on her drive, she must realise them otherwise those people would have died (and she would have suffered) for nothing.

However, despite acknowledging her past self as a victim, and because she's now "strong", she's not above using her past trauma (but actually, still present! Remember the rat scene?) to reach her goals, because, at her core, Supreme Leader is soemone who is very determined. Maybe it's her only drive to grow beyond the trauma, or her own illusions, or a mix of everything, but AM made it clear, Supreme Leader is not above, well, using herself if it means seeing her goals come to fruition : unlike Lobotogard from AG, AM!Supreme Leader willingly transforms in Hegemongard.

This is the cost she's willing to pay, so while the memes about Lord Farqaad were on spot, I still think that Supreme Leader is ultimately willing to sacrifice** herself for her goal (but only when there's no other way to ensure her future will come to fruition, and in a way, I guess she thought she would survive the Hegemon transformation, jury's out on what she meant to do in AM's finale, but imo, she still tried, even beaten and battered as she was, to claim Dimi's head).

Ultimately I think everything's a bit muddled by the fact that, as @fantasyinvader pointed out, Supreme Leader is a liar and knows the importance of maintening good PR.

She lies and manipulates the truth to reach her goals (which again, is a red flag when CF claims to want to restore the "distorted history" of Fodlan!) and for all the flak I give them, the devs managed to scrap enough material to give us a peek in Adrestia's mindset (or at least its top nobles), they're not people who self reflect, they are salty because they aren't ruling the world anymore, and they feel like they are better than the rest of Fodlan.

Put everything in the mixer, and you indeed have Supreme Leader (but also her court, especially Ferdie in SB who dares to say, as he is invading and trouncing people who don't really like and accept the idea of being invaded, that the fear those people feel are only in their mind, or something like that? Like, dude, you're rolling over their people and country, of course they'll fear and hate you!) giving her weird rhetoric lines (why are people opposing me if they are going to die?), victim blaming (something Treehouse swallowed like honey, if their lolcalisation is anything to go by, remember, it's Rhea's fault for not offering her head on a platter that is the reason why the War continues in CF!) and so on.

IDK if the devs wanted to bank that much on the Dany parallel with her "if I look back i am lost", but again, I don't know if her drive to make a "better Fodlan" is motivated by her trauma, Adrestian revanchism, Ionius telling her dumb things or Agarthans agarthaning, but her goal and vision are everything to Supreme Leader.

So she will do anythign to see them realised, even if it means sacrificing her people, starting a war, tweaking "the truth" or using her own trauma to motivate and recruit powerful people who might assist her with her goals.

To reply to your question, IMO she sees herself as someone who had once been a victim, but won't let that stop her from reaching her goals, even if it means creating thousands of "hers" in the process, because, in her mind, reaching her goal is more important than anything else.

*I know, she refutes Dimitri's claim that she is "strong" or laughs at it, but imo, it was more in the sense of "I was weak and became strong" so everyone can "become" strong.

**I don't think she wanted to throw away her life, but more something in the lines of "putting my life on the line" or sacrificing her precious (and to see how precious it is, just play CF lol) humanity.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Still wild to me that the Avatar team saw a guy write a love story between a stick and a monkey and were like "This is the guy who we need to write Rangshi and Yangvik" and then he ended up making two of the best couples in all of the Avatar-verse TT0TT

[collieii]

ok i'll say it vash is a pacifist but he isn't passive. he does stuff. i think it's pretty unfair when ppl reduce his ideology to "he doesn't kill so he just lets ppl get away with stuff" i mean he's not perfect but he hardly just lets terrible people off with a slap to the wrist

[danidoesathing]

am i the only one who feels like alex(the world ender guy) was kind of a missed oportunity in vide noir? like, he was set up by johnnie to be a badass gang leader just for him to never even appear in the end, we just got a close up to his face scar

i feel like buck's encounter with the psychic would've been way more powerful if it was alex instead. its implied that johnnie and moonbeam had a relationship ig, but its barely even hinted at, and he never even mentions her. but with johnnie and alex, johnnie actually mentions him and speaks highly of his brother, and says alex will help buck if he sees the red cloth that belonged to johnnie

the fact that all that build up led to buck not even TALKING to alex kinda irks me. imagine how much better the payoff would be if alex had received the cloth instead of moonbeam? if we had seen his reaction to johnnie's death? if he would've helped buck like johnnie said he would? if we saw what johnnie implied alex would do to the guys who black brained his brother? idk man i think we were robbed

im new to the fanbase, so im gonna be very embarassed if this is a topic that already came up here LOLL but i still wanted to get it off my chest💀sry if this ask is messy, i suck at writing down my thoughts lmao

No I gotta agree on that. Like I LOVED seeing Moonbeam and getting know her as her and having all this new information about her (her being part of the World Enders is still wild to me and I love it) and it’s a good scene and all, but I’m still confused as to why they built up Alex so much, especially since this is the first time we’re hearing about him, and he never even got the chance to speak. If it were Dale I’d be a bit more understanding as we know him already (tho not by much cause I would have loved to see more of Dale). But it’s Alex, whose not only the leader of the World Enders but also Johnnie’s (and Dale’s) brother. I would’ve have loved to, you know, actually meet the guy. Especially with how much build up he got. And I GET IT Lord Huron’s lore is meant to be weird and vague and hard to pin down but like. Didn’t need to tease me like that come on

The only reason I could think of was maybe they needed to get Buck on his own again? Like having this the beginning of a war between the World Enders and Z’Oieasu shown or having Buck work with them consistently might have thrown off the tone. It is supposed to be Buck’s story and his own descent into madness. The whole album has this isolated vibe to me, like being alone in a city of people Hard to get that when there’s other people around, especially a group as lively as the world enders. Or maybe they just wanted to include Moonbeam back into the story again lol

GOD I would have loved to see Moonbeam’s scene with Buck done with Alex. I can only imagine how that scene would’ve played out and his reaction to Johnnie’s death. Contrasting Buck’s scene with Johnnie with Alex’s own personality, the possible dynamics, the anger and grief that could arise…..ough

[taamlok]

i feel like there's information we're missing and it's going to turn out that tearing down the veil is a fucked up trolley problem

[padfootastic]

H E L L O jfp-eyes pen (thats your new name btw)

i know its a little late but my mind keep going back to it and i also talked about a similar issue w several other people on here since and i was wondering if you can/want elaborate on what you said about this:

"like, u want potters to be desi? it’s not just the cute clothes and good food and linguistic differences u need to keep in mind. there’s so much more where it comes from, including several practices that will be considered highly objectionable by this rigidly judgemental crowd."

((i am v v interested but no pressure to answer this, i totally get if you dont want to get into this discourse))

dani—you’re gonna pull me into the desi potters discourse one way or the other, eh?

so. i’m not sure how much sense this’ll make because it’s like…half-baked thoughts but my problem with this scenario actually stems from a more macro, general trend i’m noticing in fandom behaviour. for some reason, puritan culture & veiled conservatism is coming back in the guise of progressiveness? and that’s leading to a lack of critical thinking in these spaces & randomly attributing buzzwords to things out of context bc u don’t have more than a shallow understanding of it.

which means that that comment was directed at a very specific subset of fandom that decided that idk ignoring the Bad Things & Flaws would somehow make them cease to exist. let’s only take the most ‘exotic’, fun aspects even if it’s a completely one dimensional reading & run with it. they wouldn’t be able to tell u what desi is beyond the barebones.

so, you’ll have people vehemently arguing that the potters can’t be anything but desi and white james is gross and i’m just like—why. why are u, as a non-desi person, so attached to this headcanon that you’ll ridicule real people for it? and then their attitudes as well. the incest thing, for example. there are communities in india that marry their first cousins—if i write a story tomorrow where james marries his mother’s imaginary brother’s daughter, then depending on how i HC him, that’s perfectly culturally acceptable (and desirable). if i write a story where euphemia and fleamont use corporal punishment for him, and he takes it super lightly and jokes about it, that’s also fine. (which is a direct contrast to how the western black family & sirius’ abuse is treated). there’ a community in india where the man ‘drinks’ from his mother’s breast, publicly, at his wedding to symbolise the last time he’d be her son before he becomes someone’s husband. another where a new mother can’t feed her son until her sister-in-law washes her breast thoroughly. caste is something that’s not even touched upon. it’s so complicated. but how do u think it’ll be received by most of the desi potter crowd if i actually do write any of this? will i be praised for my ~representation or called out on twitter for being a freak?

and that’s really where i get annoyed. the attitudes most of this crowd hold does not have any space for cultural subjectivity, what is ok to them has to be universally ethical. there’s no way other cultures do things their way and if they do, it’s barbaric/backward/problematic etc etc. pseudo-colonial, like i said.

(disclaimer: i want it to be made very clear i’m not demanding people nclude this stuff in their fics. i’m well aware of how escapism works, being the premier advocate for it. im just saying it won’t hurt to be mindful of these facts, that this is a whole culture that’s ridiculously diverse that doesn’t just exist for the sake of people’s headcanons)

and this isn’t even going into the cultural nuances of how desi families work. you can’t bring in american/european individualism & have james move out at 18 & write everything transactionally & do everything the way u would for a white character but only pay lip service when saying they’re brown ykno? when u say they’re a certain identity, there’s so much that comes with that. and if u don’t include any of that, then it really just makes me wonder why u want a brown james—feels like ego appeasement and falling to peer pressure half the time tbh.

another important thing for me is that so much of this crowd intersects with the ‘fandom is activism’ crowd and i just. fundamentally disagree with those people. and find their words/actions incredibly performative. by which i mean, the way they treat real people—people from the communities they’re adopting as HCs for their beloved characters. there’s this…hypocrisy, yeah? what i mentioned above, about how if i wrote some culturally different practice, i’d probably be attacked. they don’t want desi potter, they want white-lite potters that is palatable to & tailored for their own constitution but in a form that they can pass of as ‘oh look, my characters r diverse which makes me Morally Good and i can use that to shit on others’.

i think my problem is just that i don’t like it when people use the identity headcanons to portray themselves as being inherently better because they have ~equal representation. fandom is not a government institution—lateral visibility & membership is not a prerequisite to wanting to write about x and y fucking or going on a date or hugging or having a conversation. making a marauder group where each character—functionally an OC—is from a different community (often w/o considering how intersectionality works) for the sake of saying ‘oh i have a x in my HCs’ does not make u some radical leftist, yeah? and i strongly dislike people who pretend it does.

[merrilark]

Continuity gets a little murky but I'm shook remembering how complicated Rose Tyler's relationships are outside the Doctor and thinking it's no wonder Jackie and Mickey were so upset about him.

Beyond the obvious, teen Rose running away to live with Jimmy Stone, a full adult, before he's carted away to prison is bonkers. There's no way Jackie wasn't thinking about Jimmy when Nine stepped into the picture. It's a miracle Jackie didn't kill him on the spot.

I want to pick all of them apart and study them (Rose and Mickey particularly) separately, then look at them as a whole. It's fascinating to see how their behavior in "Rose" and onward is disagreeable, but to also dig into them and see where that behavior comes from and why.

[higuchisora]

Can I say that I didn't really like the Seven of prophecy as a group and felt like their only value as characters from a writing standpoint is to add diversity to the PJO series and that they don't really feel necessary without the rep they add and some of them feel purely constructed to fill archetypal roles/tropes instead of being constructed as whole characters with an actual function in the narrative that no other character could fill or will I be sacrificed at the stake for it

[alaskan-wallflower]

oooh if sheila had a daughter she would totally see the barbie movie with her and would SOB at what was i made for.

#notbasedoffmyownmom

[terresdebrume]

Sometimes I find myself thinking back on my first stint of work as a camp supervisor for summer camp geared towards autistic and psychotic kids when I was 21 and just like. Hoping M. is doing fine. I'm sad that I didn't have the experience then that I have now because the way I handled conflict with him was not great, and I wish I'd thought to apologize for it in the brief time we saw each other afterwards

[thefrogknight]

This is... not how water works

[lacremedelafemme]

The wild thing about the lesbians are predatory narrative is that it can be very prevalent within queer circles :///

[shapelytimber]

Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less

[COMMISSIONS]

Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv

I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc

ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)

gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)

KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)

sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(

EVA KANT (Diabolik)

Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)

UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)

Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much

KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)

Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it

DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)

*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections

And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...

PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !

[mad-hunts]

while jervis spoke, barton looked into the crevices of his nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world all of a sudden. he had to admit that the man beside him had a point. though as the other described to him what he'd done to marty in detail, reminding him of the horror, he didn't feel anything. and barton was hopelessly unable to place himself in jervis's shoes to even feel an scintilla of the remorse seeping into his words now; so, whenever he was done, barton only said this, ❝ touché. i didn't exactly grant him the mercy of a quick, or a painless death, did i? i wonder what the forensic examiners are going to make of it. do you think they're going to focus more on how you killed your guy, or how i killed mine? ❞

and now he was talking about the murder with an almost amused undertone to his voice. so much for being shocked by the revelation that jervis had synesthesia, i suppose. barton looked at the other where he sat with a raised eyebrow as if he didn't understand why he was agonizing over their death's as much as he was. which was sort of true, though he could feel cognitive empathy towards jervis over what he had to experience in that van. the same dead-eyed look that sometimes took over barton's eyes seemed to be in effect once more while he scoffed lightly, ❝ you are incredibly pissy when you're feeling guilty, you know that? just imagine the guard you killed was someone you hate. then, you won't feel half as bad about it. trust me. and i think i got it the first time you explained it to me, smartass. ❞

barton was slipping between acting more like his ' normal ' persona and like the dollmaker now, it seemed, as his newfound small amount of respect for jervis dwindled away for a moment. perhaps it was because his head was starting to feel 'fuzzy' again? barton didn't know, but he was able to tolerate the pain he felt when taking a breath from his ribs before. though now it was searing. letting out a frustrated noise underneath his breath, barton rested his head halfway down his arm while he checked something. he pressed down on specific ribs while he spoke to jervis, ❝ oh, please. only an idiot would regard you as weak because you have synesthesia. it just makes you more unpredictable. ❞

before long, he'd found what he thought he would and that was a specific tender spot on one rib that made him swear unintelligibly in french. ❝ non, non. pourquoi est-ce que ça doit m'arriver, * ❞ barton stated just barely above a whisper to himself while the other started to talk about his experience in arkham and about gotham itself. ❝ uhh, yeah. i obviously do believe in hell, because i'm living through it right now. i'm about 90% sure i've got a popped rib. but whatever you say. if you weren't trying to do it, then i believe you. and ravi likes me because i was introduced to him by my late fiancée. as for matilda, it's — much more complicated than that. she's my daughter. ❞ that word, along with fiancée, was said with a surprising amount of tenderness. barton looked down at his curry with a bittersweet smile on his face.

❝ when she was born, it was like nothing else mattered. i would do most anything for her, ❞ barton sounded like he meant every word too. then, ravi was coming out with jervis's soup and as he placed it down in front of him, he laughed as he held one hand behind his back, ❝ sorry for the wait, jervis. the chefs were running around like chickens with their heads cut off after i asked if they could make something new and special for someone here. not naming names, but ahh... what the hell. it's you, ❞ ravi placed a glass of falooda, which was an ice cream dessert, in front of barton and his demeanor seemed to change completely.

barton was positively beaming now at ravi. ❝ and they've got one cooking for you too, jervis. i'll bring it out when it's ready, ❞ ravi winked at jervis before leaving, and barton clasped his hands together in front of himself. he closed his eyes in contentment like a cat then and tilted his head, all while sighing dreamily, ❝ oh, i change my mind. i'm not going through hell anymore. ❞

[ translation: no, no. why does this have to happen to me? ]

"And when, pray tell, would've been a good moment for me to bring it up? Both occasions we've met, things have been rather tense, wouldn't you say so? Hmmm.... Should I have said something as you were working, or as I was feeling like the veins in my own eyes were bursting as Marty developed petechiae and eventually lost control of his bladder while you were crushing his trachea? Or when I picked the lock to regain my property, and was dispatching the driver... how'd you put it, 'turning him into a pincushion'?" Guilt filled his mouth, sour as curdling milk.

Jervis' finger grazed idly along his own throat as Barton coughed and sputtered on the vodka. As he felt his own windpipe spasm, his eyes flickered pointedly towards his messenger bag; left hand drawing back to his coat, ostensibly adjusting it from where it was draped over the back of his chair, when he was really clandestinely checking that Alice's rabbit remained tucked away in the pocket. "You're absolutely right, what a foolish oversight it was of me not to disclose it."

He sighed, shifted his weight. "The same reason you so adamantly refuse anyone's pity. Because I've made my peace with it. And to have other people make generalizations or false equivalences -- whether out of genuine naivete, or ignorance, or deliberate crassness -- or to view me as some sort of freak? 'A fragile little teacup'? Well... that's a bitter pill I've long grown accustomed to. And how can you expect me to judge you for your actions today, when I know full well what horrors reside in Arkham's bowels? I didn't first get acquainted with the place after becoming... this. Deep sleep therapy. ECT. Stretches of time where I was shuffled between the white room and the isolation tank, most recently. That's all that I can concretely remember, but I'm sure there were other things..."

Jervis let the question hang in the air, not expecting or particularly interested in receiving an answer. Instead, he removed his glasses; flicked one of their metal legs back and forth between his thumb and forefinger. An improvised metronome, timing his breathing; something else to focus on, though with the cannabis, the motion seemed a hair slower than what it actually was. Tick. Tack. Tick.

"There's something about this city... If there's a hell -- if you believe in that sort of thing, anyway -- we're both pretty much already there. But even the worst person has their virtues, so regardless of my dislike of you, I'm not claiming to know everything about your background or your experiences, nor am I meaning to speculate; merely describing what I've already seen from you... and for whatever reason, Ravi does genuinely seem to like you, as did the girl I heard at your workshop, else you wouldn't keep company... Matilda, wasn't it?"

An innocent gleam of curiosity shone in Jervis' eyes, then, though he hoped he could disguise whatever vulnerability he may be unconsciously displaying as a trick of the light or a side effect of the weed. Curiosity, and a touch of sadness. She didn't sound much younger than Alice.

But that train of thought was soon cut off, as the doors swung open, and Ravi's silhouette entered Jervis' periphery. Ahh, it seemed the soup was ready. And just in time; he was famished.