#some may see this as weird but I can never do worse than during my reading of the great gatsby during which I read the book several times

[daily-xisuma]

hope you're enjoying TSOA! I've read it myself, and it's truly a great book.

[127] FINISHED IT MAYBE AN HOUR AGO <3 </3

[lovelykil]

hii so I was wondering i could request (feel free to ignore if you aren’t taking requests) jealous killua hcs but with the twist that his s/o is oblivious and like one of their friends is like openly touchy with them? And they don’t mind it like they don’t realize how wrong it looks until it’s pointed out (THEYRE WHOLESOME I SWEAR THEY JUST DONT GET SOCIAL CUES) and yeah :33 (also when I say openly touchy I mean for like the friend like leans on them and grabs their hands and stuff)

I didn’t realize how long and specific that was 😞🔫

headcanons—

: ➛killua

hc; jealous kil × oblivious s/o

note; nono I love specific requests because my brain is slow 😔 so thank you

there's nothing worse than a jealous ex-assassin dating an oblivious soulmate 💔

he gets soo annoyed at your friends, the way they just cling themselves onto you like nothing.

there was this one time at school— he was walking with Gon during passing period. His hands tucked behind the back of his head, chatting it up with the ravenette beside him.

he was perfectly fine till something grabbed his attention, it was you. But you weren't alone, you were accompanied by a friend.

a FRIEND who apparently doesn't know much about personal SPACE.

"what the hell?!" killua shouts out, stopping in his tracks. He watches this friend of yours walk you to your class with their hand swaying with yours, both seem to be smiling and laughing.

gon turns his attention to where his bestfriend was looking at and stared as well.

"is that y/n?"

"yes and their stupid friend that doesn't respect boundaries." The silverette grumbles.

gon blinks a few times, puzzled at why his friend was so worked up. Gon himself is pretty oblivious as well..

"don't friends hold each other's hand?"

"no."

"killua I'm pretty su-"

"no."

"but kil-"

"I should kill her friend, maybe it will show them a lesson.." he forces his nails to grow, sharp and pointy as his face grows dark.

"NO KILLUA—"

no he doesn't kill your friend.

but he wants too 😒

he gets a little pissed off at you as well to be honest, like how can you not see how weird your friend just touches you openly all the time

and they do it RIGHT in front of his face too. If it weren't for gon being by his side, he would've lost it.

killua is a jealous guy he can't help but feel like you're gonna leave him sometimes, it's sad but true you found out about this jealousy when you guys had your first argument.

It was about your friends..

"what are you talking about killua? Why are you being so mean.."

"your friends are all a bunch of idiots who don't know what SPACE is Y/N, why can't you see that?! It's not normal for another GUY to hold your hand all the time unless it's ME. I don't give a shit if he's your friend it's fucking weird." and so the truth comes out and the dots connect themselves.

he may not have said he was 'jealous' but you knew now it bothered him and he did make some valid points, your guy friend holding or leaning onto you was definitely weird, even your friends that were girls touched you alot but you didn't seem to notice.

you feel bad now, finally understanding why your boyfriend has been so distant and rude to you.

"oh, I'm sorry kil.. I guess I never noticed, I'll make sure to set up some boundaries if that's okay with you?" You grab his hand and hold it with yours, looking up at him.

"It's not your fault.. sorry it's just—" He pauses, looking down at your hand joined with his. He looks back at you.

"your friends suck."

"killua!"

even killua doesn't really hug gon or touch him alot, he's not used to it. Gon will sometimes hug him but he knows not to overdo it.

he's pretty new to relationships so like give him some time to adjust, maybe tell your friend(s) to be a little more appropriate when it comes to touching

[whynotjohnlock]

Hey, would you mind to (maybe if you have time) write some headcanons or a small fic about how the tenth doctor would react if the reader had a panic attack or an anxiety attack? No pressure though, it’s fine if you don’t want to:) thank you in advance and have a great day

*awkwardly walks away, tripping over their own feet*

look at this man. Look at this silly little time lord who wants nothing more than for you to be and happy.

A/N: I have Anxiety around people too anon, no need to walk away. Also, I tryed to just do a reaction, but I may have gone a bit overboard.

Hedcanons:

At first, he's probably oblivious. He's ranting about the slightest differences in coffee on different countries around Earth and Avantiam 5, and the ways they are worse than tea because apparently the time lords invented that too.

When he turns his head toward you during an adventure and he sees you hyperventilating and anxious hands flailing or just any nervous stimms you have he stops and forgets what he was ranting about immediately.

Whenever you're in a panic, he will walk up to you very slowly to show he means you no harm.

Then he man will ask if you're ok to be held. If you've said yes he will give you a nice hug. "Hey, just listen to my heartbeats, ok?"

If not, he understands and regardless of your answer, is most definitely giving his dark oncoming storm eyes to anything or any anyone that made you feel this stressed. "You don't need to do anything other than breath." "Let's get you to the TARDIS."

If it's a person ridiculeing you for any reason, like weirdness, weight, neurodivergence, height, beliefs, or not raseing your eyebrows correctly on a planet that talks only with facial expressions, he is here for you.

Will definitely use his sonic to scan for embarrassing secrets about the person insulting you. "Looks like someone busted their netocrosis pathalovain tube!" (What that means only the doctor knows, but apparently that was enough to make the Alien back off.)

Sonic won't work for whatever reason? He'll just use psychic paper. "How dare you insult the grand leader of the Draconia-Morphious-Nebula! I could have you filed for high treason!"

If all else fails he is not above being all like, "I am a 900+ year old time lord an you will respect my friend or you will never have the ability to disrespect anyone else."

Once you get away from the thing causing you to have a panic attack, and he's stoped whatever everyday universe ending phonominon was happening that day, he's driving the TARDIS to stationary floating in space to ensure that you're alright.

Is a full blown Mother Hen™ and will get you snacks and blankets so you can snuggle up with warmth. "Are you sure you're ok to go to the next adventure already?" "Doctor, we've been here for like three days!" "I know but humans- I don't want to traumatize every companion I have."

The TARDIS is an infinite dimensional spaceship and you have full access to billions of shows or videogames or VR. Literally, all you have to do is be nice, and you have a world of comfort and distractions to get your mind off of any troubles.

If you're alright with it, he's totally down with cuddles to calm any remaining nerves. When you hold each other, he can rest knowing he's not alone and live in a wonderful moment of contentment.

As you fall asleep in his arms or not, he takes a moment to reflect before going back to tinkering on the TARDIS.

You have stood with the doctor facing down Galactic Empires and Gods, and he is never ashamed of you for having panic attacks. He thinks of you, as he does of his previous companions. Humans only have one life of usually no more than 100 years, and yet they are brave, far braver than most time lords who can live millennia with around 12 lives.

He almost feels silly for being afraid of life ending threats just thinking about it. Him, the doctor, afraid.

The Doctor is amazed. He is in awe of you.

[sweetmariihs2]

Since I got a Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney movie mostly) hyperfocus I've been wondering about some stuff:

Quasimodo poured molten bronze from the top of the cathedral onto the people below, especially Frollo.

1 - He didn't cared about the innocent citizens down there which is weird for his character - maybe it was the stress idk. Or he just knew that the closest ones from the cathedral were the guards, which is where the bronze would fall. But it could have spilled on anyone. Weird.

2 - In the following morning there was no molten bronze (or smoke, or even the stage where Frollo tried to burn Esmeralda) on the square anymore. And everyone was fine?

3 - Why was there molten bronze in Notre Dame, specially in that place? I don't know much about the Middle Ages but it doesn't seem normal for that fire to be lit all the time, it would be a waste of time and firewood. Logically, it would only be melted when a bell needed to be repaired, and Quasimodo was stuck in those chains since they got out of the Court Of Miracles, probably. So it makes no sense.

4 - Poor boy was probably starving there. It was the next day. (Edit: or maybe the Court Of Miracles scene just happened at the previous day 11:00 PM and the fire scene happened at the next day 03:00 AM, who knows?)

5 - I only heard it was molten bronze. First time I watched I got so confused, I'm pretty sure that they didn't said that on the movie. Also, I never heard about churches having that kind of dangerous material inside them. People fixed the bells there? People made them there? Help I'm so confused. Can someone answer me? With real pics please? I tried to make a research but couldn't find anything.

I would also point out that Frollo standed on a gargoyle he HIMSELF had cut in the middle. He dug his own grave. lmao. you can see the cut mark of the sword on the gargoyle next to his feet. I think that's not really obvious and someone out there didn't got it. I only did after like my fourth watch.

Something I also wonder is if the archdeacon told Quasimodo the full story of what Frollo did to his mother. And yes, you may think "of course, I would love to see it that way, Quasimodo deserves to know", and while I agree with you... imagine how he would feel when knowing that the archdeacon knew the truth for years and kept it from him. Let Frollo lie to him, let Frollo abuse him and tell him that his mother abandoned him because he looked like a monster, for years, years and years. He wouldn't be fine. I can only think about his rage when Frollo tried to stab him at the end of the movie or when Phoebus appeared right after Esmeralda escaped from Notre Dame. Poor boy would never be able to look at that archdeacon's face again.

Why did the archdeacon let Frollo just take care of Quasimodo after what Frollo did?! He clearly didn't wanted to take care of the baby, the archdeacon just pushed little Quasi onto his hands for Quasi to suffer! When someone is denying something, they may do it but they'll do it grudgingly. If it was something stupid than it would be fine, but that's a whole life in his hands. The archdeacon just forced abuse on Quasi for years. What did he thought? That because Frollo felt guilty he would be a good father? He knows Frollo's character and saw how reckless he acted with that child's life. And even worse, he could have stopped it. But no, he saw Quasimodo suffering for 20 years and just let it happen.

Just found this on pinterest:

THE GARGOYLES ARE ALIVE AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS. I also love them. Idc.

We see them interact with the environment around them all the time, mostly during the rebellion in front of Notre Dame by the end of the movie. I know that the sequel is not really good and maybe not even canon but Madeline sees them too. "They can be both schizophrenic" at the same time and seeing/hearing the same stuff? No way. Shut up I won't hear anyone out.

Quasimodo's pure heart and sweet - insecure behavior doesn't come from Frollo's childrearing. It comes from the Gargoyles and the insecurity Frollo buried into Quasi's head.

If Quasimodo was only raised by Frollo, he would be a thrash bag. He would have prejudice against the romani people, instead of just repeating in doubt what Frollo says during the scene where he shows the cathedral's terrace to Esmeralda. He also wouldn't be that sweet kind of guy who covers his view when suddently bumps into a girl changing her clothes. Basically he would be cruel and stupid, just like how Esmeralda said "How could such a cruel man have raised someone like you?"

And the answer is that: He didn't! Frollo taught him everything he needed to know, brought him food, and then left him alone for the rest of the day like we see him doing in the movie. You know who raised Quasimodo? The gargoyles. It's them who turned him into someone sweet and nice to have around. They're his adoptive parents in a way, you know?

And I also think that idea of them never showing themselves to humans but seeing that poor boy being left alone in that belltower made them want to do something about it. Make him some company, and teach him the right stuff - which is what Frollo wasn't doing right, just like everything else he does.

And I'M SURE, I JUST KNOW THAT IT WAS LAVERNE WHO DECIDED TO DO IT FIRST. She tried to convince Hugo and Victor about starting to help little Quasi, but they were afraid of doing it so. Laverne just said "you know what? I can't keep watching this in silence. Fuck it" and they just went along.

Also, something I learned in practice was that when you make someone insecure, convinces that person to believe they're less than anyone else and that they're stupid, dumb and ugly, this person tends to be extra nice to get approval of others. They don't even do it on purpose, the're just trying to make up for their appearence and stupidness through acts of kindess and service. And if that's done to them since a young age like it was done to Quasimodo, they do it unintentionally, and it turns into a personality trait. In a "I'm sorry for being like this. Let me make up for you" way. Like Quasimodo said "I know that I'm ugly", and in my opinion that's one of the worse ilnesses someone can have. It's not even a real ilness, and yet it's so damn hard to cure. Lmao that's totally not based on something I experienced, of course not. That's exactly why I absolutely don't kin Quasimodo. Of course not.

Children come into the world with a natural desire to discover and explore. To make Quasimodo so quiet and submissive, Frollo must have given the worst kinds of punishments to "discipline" him. He probably hit him more than once. Locked him somewhere? Maybe worse, Frollo tends to be quite creative when punishing innocent people. He broke all of Quasi's stuff he made for weeks, maybe years, just to scare him, and because he was angry.

It makes me even more worried to see how Quasi reacts to Frollo everytime they're together. He just reacts with fear and respect every time. Fear, mostly fear. What kinds of things hasn't this boy endured by disobeying or responding in a way that didn't pleased Frollo? To have to pick up the plates correctly and immediately sit down to study, and call him his "master" instead of just "Frollo".

I would also like to point out how Frollo stopped calling Quasimodo "Quasimodo" and started calling him "hunchback" closer to the end of the movie. That's how he sees him after all these years. A dumb, ugly and miserable guy who obeys him and is not even seen as a human. Have you ever watched The Goonies? You know that guy? Yes, that guy? I think that Frollo sees Quasi like this. The novel version reinforces this even more, with Quasimodo not being able to hear and barely talking.

I also headcanon that Disney's Quasimodo is still a bit deaf because of the bells. He can still hear, but lower. Sometimes his friends need to call his name twice.

And now these thoughts deserve a whole part of the post to discuss (Frollo and Esmeralda centered):

Frollo was probably considered ANCIENT because the life expectancy during medieval times was around 25-30 years. The guy was at his 66 years old.

1 - I know that in the book he's described as being afraid of woman, and a priest, so it made sense that he wasn't married. But that didn't happened in the movie. And as a (pervert) 66 yo old man, christian, white, powerful (judge and I still headcanon him as a fiefdom owner in the movie idc it makes sense in my head), traditional, who claims he's the only right person in the world and who does all kinds of atrocities, and who literally threatens (and tries) to kill Esmeralda if she refuses to "be his". Why didn't he had a wife? I mean, he could manipulate a woman or anyone for that matter if he wanted someone to... yk. I want to discuss more about this in the following topic.

What did Frollo meant when he said "Choose me or the fire"? I mean, there were three meanings for that quote in that context: "be in love with me", "hook up with me" or "be my wife (both, except that she would be stuck with him forever, and that's probably what he meant)"

Since he's a traditional christian guy and probably a sexist too based off his character, it would only made sense that he's the kind of guy to say "the man provides, the housewifes do the house chores and take care of the children".

As we see in 'Hellfire', he seems to support the purity culture, celibacy. And he's blaming himself for feeling attraction towards Esmeralda.

But this also can be for two reasons: because he choose celibacy, OR because she's a romani girl, which are people you know he despises. Or it can be both. That's also a doubt of mine.

Continuing my train of thought and taking this into consideration, Frollo feels extremely guilty for feeling attracted to her, and he claims "Destroy Esmeralda and let her taste the fires of hell; Or else let her be mine and mine alone" (I know you sang it).

Based off this, and knowing that Frollo is a radical (and hypocrite, but somehow he refuses to accept his lust for a long time) conservative christian, it would only made sense he would consummate after wedding. And by his word choices "let her be mine and mine alone", "choose me or the fire" sounds like he would like to MAKE HER HIS, PERMANENTLY. Maybe these words don't have this meaning? Maybe they're just about having her once? Maybe. But who knows. He's that kind of religious guy.

On the other way, he despises romani people and is disgusted of Esmeralda at the same time he's crazy about her. He calls her a witch, says it's her fault he was having those thoughts, "look at that disgusting display" (that classic kind of guy who says short skirts are innapropriate and too provocative but it's trying to look under them, iykyk). Basically he hates Esmeralda, who she is, despises her dance and calls it "disgusting display" and yet he's lusting over her. Considering this, it would only make sense he would do what he wants and leave her aside somehow, Frollo wouldn't want people to know that he married a romani girl, or a "vulgar girl" like her, maybe Frollo doesn't sees "the potential in her to be in a christian marriage", you know that that's extremely in character for him.

If Esmeralda had accepted his offer and did what he wanted, what would have happened? He would marry her and would exhibit her as a recanted woman? In a "I fixed her" kind of way, "and now she's my wife"? He would wipe all of her originality, personality and being out of her and turn her into his puppet like Elvis did to Priscilla in the movie "Priscilla", but worse? She would live an unhappy life with him and probably have his children too because this kind of guy believes in "only indulging in carnal acts when the purpose it's to reproduce"? Or maybe not, maybe he doesn't want children, but it doesn't matter because guys like him usually leaves all that on their wife's backs.

Also during the song "Hellfire" we see how fire Esmeralda "burns at the stake" and turns into smoke, flying into his direction with open arms. That's kinda metaphoric about him torturing her in that stake, stripping her of who she is and turning her into a ghost of herself. One that doesn't burn like flames, is softer, quieter, and willing for him and his twisted love - the kind of wife this kind of guy want.

While it also makes sense of him only having her once and considering Esmeralda "too promiscuous and part of the 'the common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd', not good enough to be his wife", it's also possible that he's hinting about turning Esmeralda into a quiet, submissive and sad wife. "I can save you in this world and the other" maybe also hints at that, changing her so she's not "sinning" anymore by being who she is.

YOU KNOW WHAT? MADONNA AND THE PROSTITUTE THEORY ALL THE WAY UP. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

There's a great channel on Youtube called "Final Girl Studios" and the owner of the channel makes video essays, she LOVES to mention this subject. It fits perfectly what we're talking about.

And ALSO I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO MENTION HER ESSAY ABOUT THE MOVIE "VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS". She talks about the Madonna and the prostitute theory and how the movie surrounds around this. And it's relevant to mention here that this movie has everything to do with the dynamic and topics discussed between Frollo and Esmeralda, not only in the Disney movie but also in the other adaptations and in the original novel.

I mean, it's a movie that's about a young girl called Valerie who just got into her puberty and spent a week finding out about how harsh the world is towards woman in general. So many things happen in this movie, but you can get what I mean when knowing that there's a scene when the priest tries to take advantage of her but fails because he remembered he should be celibate, and later then on the movie he tries to burn her at the stake, saying that she's a witch and seduced him to sin. Valerie then shows him her tongue.

Gosh that was so fun to take out of my chest and share. Someone needs to make a full post or video about how the Madonna x Whore subject is related to Esmeralda and Frollo. It's too much work for me, but maybe you guys would like to.

Also my friend mentioned about Esmeralda wearing different clothes during the stake scene. And yeah, okay, but if she was wearing different clothes, someone made her dress them, or dressed her themselves. She (my friend) was afraid that Esmeralda may have been assaulted or abused in any way during that period of time. I don't think Frollo did anything drastic like she does, or else he wouldn't be asking Esmeralda to "recant" and accept his offer.

[thestarryeyedadmirer]

I came into Art School thinking that it’d be a walk in the park. I mean, I’ve been making art my entire life — painting, sculpting, printmaking, and working with wood for as long as I can remember. Not to brag… but, I’ve won so many awards for my work, my parents had to buy an entire storage unit for me, just to have somewhere to store all of my accolades. I’ve even been recognized on a national level for some of my pieces. The things that many of my peers are only now learning how to do in college, I’ve been doing as mere hobbies for most of my life… and, I’d like to think that I’ve mastered them… so, it was only natural for me to come into my first year of university operating under such an ignorant assumption.

When it comes to school, I usually don’t have a hard time being successful. My academic records and transcripts speak for themselves. In all my years of education, I’ve never gotten a grade lower than a B, not even once, and I’ve been a Top Scholar since second grade. I’m good at juggling my responsibilities — making ample time for studying, doing and turning in my homework assignments earlier than I need to, acing every test, and racking up the hours of extracurricular activities — but, this semester, I’m having some trouble focusing in my Art History class… just the one class… and it’s not for any reasons that you may be thinking.

See… I have this professor — Professor Pascal — who teaches my Art History course… and when the year began, he was already about six months pregnant. I’m talking belly popping out underneath his shirt, outie navel as big as a doorknob, chest all puffy and leaky, feet so swollen that he can only wear Crocs and open-toed shoes in class, constantly moody and complaining about his body aches, binge eating in class, and too foggy-headed to maintain a straight line of thought pregnant. Like… pregnant, pregnant. Extremely pregnant. The man is at least forty-five years old… which is concerning on its own… and he’s as big as a house.

To make matters worse, he always wears clothes that he bought before he got knocked up — before he started to gain weight, and his belly began to swell — and they’re so obiously tiny and uncomfortable. Sweaters that are meant to be loose, stretched past their limits and tucked into his pants, to cover his massive stomach. Button-downs that pop open several times during lectures, exposing his hairy, bloated torso to hundreds of students at once. Suit jackets that don’t accommodate for the extra weight that he may have gained. Khakis that hug him so tight that they look like a second layer of skin. Underwear that peeks over the waistband of his bottoms, rides up his butt crack, and shows off a visible outline of his engorged genitals.

He so pregnant that it’s honestly hard to ignore. You know how, usually, when someone’s expecting, you can just acknowledge it and move on… most times, without things being weird or awkward? Well… it’s not like that with Professor Pascal. Not for me, at least. I just can’t stop staring at his belly in class… thinking about it. It takes up so much space in my mind, I think it may be making me… dumb.

No matter what the subject of his lectures are, what assignments he may have us doing for the week, or how many pages of notes that I take, I can’t stop gawking at it… curious. It’s like, I can’t see anything else, or hear anything. The huge whiteboard and padded, sound-reflective walls behind him fade into a plain, flat backdrop… and his words slowly turn to gibberish. I get tunnel vision… stop taking notes, and everything. I can’t retain any information… and then I have to cheat on my homework, my quiz grades drop… then my test scores, and then, my GPA. It’s a slippery slope.

I’ve never, not once in my life, had an overall letter grade lower than a B… but, in Professor Pascal’s Art History course, I’m going through the semester with a C+.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me… or what I can do to improve my grade. He doesn’t offer extra credit, or accept late work. He says that his class is “too easy for anyone to fall that far behind”… and yet, here I am, with a C+.

It’s just… when I’m sitting in that lecture hall — in the very first row of seats — that tunnel vision sets in, and I start to daydream. I… I fantasize about him coming down from his low-rise stage and walking up to me. He picks me, out of a crowd of nearly three hundred people, even though my hand isn’t raised, and presents me with a question regarding the curriculum… something that I’m supposed to know the answer to. Of course, I fumble the response… and, as he’s standing in front of me, waiting impatiently for me to come up with even a single sentence that makes sense, his button-down shirt bursts open, and his beautiful belly spills out, hitting my face like a fuzzy airbag. Next thing you know, I’ve lost control of my tongue, and I’m slurping at his navel as though a life-giving nectar is going to leak out of it… or something like that… in front of everyone — just making a sloppy mess of saliva on my professor’s pregnant belly.

It’s sick… I know. Maybe I’m disturbed, or there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m a freak… but I just can’t control it. The fantasy is too good. All I know is that, for the first time in my entire academic career, I’m falling behind… and, the worst part about it is that I can’t pin the blame on Mr.Pascal for being a shitty professor, or make the claim that he’s harboring some deep-seeded hatred for me. My poor grade is all my fault… and I have to live with that.

[mishydraws]

Very... very unfortunate life update

Hi, everyone.

Ok, I don’t want to waste your time but I wanted to be upfront about what’s going on in my life just so you all know.

Last night I got what is probably one of the worst emails that could have ever appeared in my inbox? Our landlord has given us a 60-day notice to get out. For context, my mom and I have been living here since the year 2000. We have never been late on rent or missed a payment despite every difficulty life has thrown at us in that time and this has completely blindsided us.

We haven’t spoken to any of the neighbors yet but some of the wording on the notice makes me think that they may be kicking out the entire building. Or maybe they’re just targeting those of us in the non-renovated units because we’ve been here so long and they could charge a new tenant much more with a quick kitchen and bathroom upgrade. Renoviction is a new word I just learned. I don’t know. That’s what happened to my brother at his last apartment. They kicked out everyone in his building, renovated, raised the rent, then let new people move in.

They suddenly started increasing our rent every year like clockwork a few years ago so I’ve had a feeling they’ve been trying to price us out for a while but I didn’t know they could just… tell us to leave just because they can. Rent consistently paid up and everything for 24 years.

The notice we received really doesn’t say much so it’s all speculation I guess. It doesn’t state a reason why it just says we need to be gone by March 31st.

But basically, I’m really not doing well right now in all honesty. I slept for maybe an hour last night and it’s like a switch flipped in me as soon as I read the email. My stomach has had this weird knotted feeling ever since and I can’t stand up for more than a few minutes before needing to lie down again in case I either faint or vomit… I’m not sure which but it’s been this way since last night. I had to stand up at the sink to wash one singular dish from dinner and I could barely do it. At least I didn’t see the email until after I ate last night because I still have no appetite now.

However bad I’m feeling I know my mom is probably feeling worse. She has been for a while. She’s getting older and my dad is no longer alive. Aside from my brother and one irl friend I still see in person regularly, we have no family or other support system in this country and are well and truly on our own, staring down the barrel of homelessness if we can’t quickly secure a place and move decades worth of our life there before the end of March.

All of this to say, I don’t know what our usual art shenanigans here are going to look like during this time. I am incredibly stressed to the point where I am physically ill but I also can’t pause and step away because I do need the income that I receive from your support of me/my art here. It’s just the reality. I’ve never been particularly Big And Successful with what I do so your support means all the much more and makes a real impact on my life.

I am so sorry if this dampens your mood at all today or if you notice a decrease in the quality of art I’m able to deliver over the next few months but I will try my best to keep things rolling and let you know if there’s any particular delays to expect.

To top it off, I requested a tour of a nearby apartment last night (more expensive than our current) and the name of the person who just texted me back has the same name as our current landlord. Who wants to start taking bets? I know for a fact they own a lot of property in the area so this isn’t looking promising.

Anyways. Sorry for this downer of a post. If we’re not homeless in 2 months then… I dunno. I’ll have somewhere indoors to do art? Yay? You can imagine the housing market we’re dealing with being in California. The prospect of moving at this point has always been one of my biggest fears but we’ll see if we get lucky real fast 😢

If you've ever thought about supporting my Patreon or anything else, now and over the next few months might be a good time if you can swing it. Maybe it'll help us secure a place to move if I can point to it and be like 'Look! A whole income!' 🥲 Idk man.

There's an art update in the (public) post I made if you want to see what we're at least trying to work on for sticker club through all of this.

Mishy

[alexjcrowley]

I rewatched the House M.D. episodes with the young stalker, Ali (you know who I am talking about, the blond teen interpreted by that one Gossip Girl actress, you'll forgive me if I don't remember her name) and I was positvely impressed by the way House handled it.

I don't know how in the fandom her character and her story are perceived, but I wanted to share my thoughts and my experience with a situation like that.

If you set aside the way he jokes about it with Cuddy and only focus on how he acts in front of Ali, House is very kind and comprehensive with her. To be honest, I think it was a good way to handle the situation, maybe even better than acting downright disgusted by the thought of having an affair with her, let me explain why.

The whole time, House never takes Ali's advances seriously, which already defuses the situation they're in.

House doesn't act like he is disgusted by the thought that something that could happen between him and Ali, he acts like it simply can never happen. He doesn't dignify Ali's flirting attempts with a serious reaction. He takes everything she says as a joke, making the thought that there could ever be something between them a joke in itself.

Whether he actually doesn't remember her name or he pretends not to, it's still a very good move to keep her at distance. He doesn't give her the importance and/or attention she begs him for. Even when she gets undressed in front of him, he tries to stay unfazed. I think it's his way to dismiss her: "this is nothing but a medical visit, I see a lot of naked people, you are not different from other patients so I won't act differently. I am professional doing my job, nothing more."

House avoids direct conflict as much as he can, so he doesn't have to logically debate whether it's right or wrong they have an affair. He knows the moment he enters that territory, this already puts them both in dangerous waters.

I think this sort of gentle let down is very effective. In my opinion, if House had blown up a fuse and started yelling at her or acted rudely towards her (therefore acknowledging her offer of an affair as a serious possibility) it could have only ended badly. Either she thought it was his way of flirting with her, or she would have tried something stupid to "get back at him", raging from pulling another stunt on him- like when she got undressed in front of him- or trying to seduce another guy for revenge, maybe even some other old man who wouldn't have been as decent as House to turn her down.

House acts very weirded out by her flirting, denying her any possibility to "romanticise" that crush on him. He brings the chemistry to zero in their conversations, which is saying something for a man who always has a dirty joke up his sleeve. He doesn't think twice about making dirty jokes with Cuddy, but, since he knows Ali may take his words seriously, there is no way he is risking it.

But what really hit me is the scene in the parking lot. During the episodes, House knows what Ali is doing is wrong and he turns down her advances, but everytime Cuddy threatens to take action against her House stops her. At first this might sounds contradictory for him. What, he won't flirt with Ali but doesn't take action to stop her from stalking him? Does this mean he secretly like the attention she gives him?

On the contrary, and this is the best part for me. Go watch the parking lot scene again. House is telling Ali to go home, then Cuddy arrives threatening to call security and House's jumps to Ali's defense. Of course he doesn't want Cuddy to call security.

Later we find out Ali caught a fungal disease, but House doesn't know in that moment. All he knows is that Ali is a very naive young girl who is making a stupid mistake pursuing him because she is young and naive, not because she is some twisted criminal. He doesn't want her to end up in trouble- even worse, legal troubles- over something dumb she is only doing because she doesn't know better.

He is protecting her by stopping Cuddy. He knows it's more important to protect Ali than to protect himself from her. He is a grown man who knows to turn down a teenage girl, Ali could end up getting a reputation as a stalker/criminal or, anyway, as an easy girl with a taste for older men, and some odler men might take advantage of it. It's simply better that he has to deal with her for a little longer than she ending up in legal troubles because of a stupid, fleeting crush. He knows that's all it is, nothing serious, and he doesn't blow the thing out of proportion for her sake.

At the beginning of the post I said I wanted to express my opinion on Ali's storyline because of my experience. Without going into details, I was too a young and stupid teenage girl who, at 17, got a crush for some sort of teacher/instructor who was older than me, he was in his early thirties. I was never as confident as Ali, but I tried to shoot my shot. He could have done something about it, we were abroad- I was abroad for two weeks in his country- so we would have never seen eachothers again, the chances of repercussions would have been minumum, I was naive and easy to manipulate and it was me staying after the lessons to talk to him, one might have said I was "asking for it".

He never even acknowledged me. Same as Ali, during my last day in this foreign school- it was some sort of school holiday- he showed to not even remember my name. Did he actually forget it, did he pretend to, it doesn't matter. Look, maybe he wasn't even thinking of doing "the right thing" and I simply wasn't his type, or he wasn't interested in women, or he had a girlfriend, now it doesn't really mattered the reason he didn't returned my advances. Whether he didn't notice my interest in him or acted like he didn't, I am very grateful and I consider myself to be very lucky. Lesser people would have seized the opportunity and something very bad could have happened to me, but it didn't.

The way he "let me down" was very similar to what House did, in this sense, as he didn't dignify my attempts at establishing a connection with him. To this day I still don't know if he never noticed my "flirting" (my classmates certainly did) or he was just so kind to do nothing about it, and I am more than fine with not knowing. I realise it would have been worse if he talked about my situation with my actual school teachers, it would have put me in a very awkward position. I could have risked getting tangled up in some sort of school scandal and spending my last years of high school being known as the girl who want to get down with teachers (and a couple of them would have even said yes, but we don't have time to unpack all of that), I would have gained a reputation hard to get rid of and potentially dangerous. He pretended it never happened, and so I can do the same now.

Seeing House letting Ali down gently the same way it was done to me- it was a strange, but almost a moving experience. I have been Ali, I have been that very dumb, very young girl who thought somehow she could have done something with an older dude. I was lucky enough that the guy on the other side didn't take advantage of me- I was so lucky, so many people (and especially a lot of young girls, I have to say) get sexually harassed and/or assaulted and they're not even making the first move, like I did.

House M.D. didn't age perfectly as a show, it touches a lot of sensitive themes and not all of them are necessarily treated well, but to me Ali's storyline was handled very well.

From someone who lived it and got out unscathed, I hope every teenagers out there, if they ever get the stupid idea to flirt with someone way older, meet someone like House, who turn them down the way he did with Ali.

He never shamed her for going for an older guy, he knew it was something stupid teenagers do, he just let her understand it was a dumb idea. It's normal for teenagers to have dumb ideas, it's up to adults not to indulge them. It was never Ali's fault to follow House around (fungal disease or not), but it was House's responsibility not to accept her advances. I think more people should hear this message.

Stay safe, everyone.

[jewishconvertthings]

Do you have any advice on how to cope with antisemitism online? I’m really overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it, it’s just so much worse than I ever imagined. I also feel weird talking to jews by birth about it bc they had to deal with this for their whole lives while I’m first experiencing it as an adult. Still, it’s got to the point where it’s really affecting my mental health

Hi anon,

I'm going strongly encourage you to do a few things:

Take a step back. No one benefits from you stressing yourself out to the point of it affecting your mental health in a significant way. Find someone you trust to keep you up-to-date on anything that actually has a bearing on your immediate safety, and otherwise block it out. Set a specific amount of time within which you are going to avoid looking up news or reading articles or posts about antisemitism. This isn't even my suggestion: I learned this from a rebbetzin who had her husband keep her informed of any immediate safety issues but otherwise intentionally stepped back from secular news and social media entirely for a full year during 2020. She said it was one of the best choices she made, because she was stronger and ready to deal with it when she started tuning in again. You don't necessarily need to take it to that extreme, but taking a step back can really help.

Take comfort in your immediate community, and be intentional about seeking out the company and companionship of other Jews. We have so much strength together, and it helps get you out of your own head. It also really helps to remind yourself of all the people, communities, traditions and culture that you love and are why you're here. Be intentional in finding joy in the Jewish life you are building.

Take solace in the fact that Am Yisrael Chai: the People Israel Live. The Jewish people has survived persecution and unrelenting horrors since practically the beginning, and we're still here. You are part of or joining something eternal and indomitable - a people that many have tried to break or destroy in a multitude of ways, and it has never worked. Never. The persecution is unlikely to end, and yet we will outlast them. We always do.

Think about the best possible outcome: that we will receive peace and justice speedily and in our days, and you will be there to share the simcha. Now consider the worst possible outcome: our persecution will increase to the point where we have to flee for our lives, and many of us don't make it; perhaps you survive alone, or perhaps you don't. Now consider the most likely outcome: things continue much the way they have, with fluctuations that come from the ebb and flow of politics. You stick with our people in our joy and sorrow, in terror and in peace. We survive and our Judaism is passed l'dor v'dor. Now. Even in that worst case scenario, history says that some of us will still make it. Judaism and the Jewish people will continue and rebuild. Your name is forever tied to ours, your fate a collective one that is greater than your individual life or mine. And that is something that will survive.

Remember that you don't have to personally end antisemitism. I know that sounds obvious? But part of the overwhelm that comes from the burden of oppression is feeling like you are individually responsible for solving it. You are not. In the words of Rabbi Tarfon, "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

Anon, I hope this helps. You are not alone. B'ezrat Hashem you find some comfort here and with your community, and may we all merit to see the day when the hard work of generations comes to fruition in peace and justice.

[stellaris-archivum]

a vampire x vampire hunter au with my valorant oc because my brain is rotting over this idea for the longest time

notes:

self insert, original female character

hunter! oc x vampire! chamber

amihan is 32 years old, vincent (chamber) is about a century old

not beta read

a tentative idea, but it could be changed later on. it's 1am, im tired, but i really want to write this down because it has been CONSUMING ME

possible (very briefly mentioned) vampire hunter lore here that will be explored if i do write it down as a series

amihan can be y/n?????

"A pleasant surprise, good to see you made it in time, chèrie." An impish grin greeted her upon her arrival, his gelled, swept-back hair glistened in the moonlight. "I have been waiting for you."

There's the grin she always loathed, the smooth, suavely voice that she always grinded her gears. For the countless encounters they've had, it almost became a routine. For the hunter and solar sorcerer Amihan Mendoza to find one of the most powerful vampires in Quebec in this specific spot is no lucky chance—their connection was of uncanny circumstances. Fighting through patterns, through repetition, they just found themselves within the vicinity of one another; every other night without fail. Amihan stood within the trees, leaves, tree bark and stems underneath her feet. She scoffed, "You know I wouldn't miss the chance to finally killing you, Vincent."

"Vincent? Please, no need for such formalities." His sharp fangs poked out just enough for her to see as he grinned, standing tall atop a red maple tree. Amihan has always found it odd—no, weird to see the vampire in such a... convoluted type of clothing. It is the 21st century, people wore casual clothing and not, well, whatever Victorian era corpse he stole his outfit from. A lot of the vampires that she had hunted and killed lately were dressed within the century in order to blend in with the crowd but for some reason, Vincent the Vampire simply refused to get with the times. She couldn't really say if it was worse or not, but she absolutely disliked the fact that it actually suited him. Like actually looked good on him. For a vampire as old as he was, Amihan could never imagine anything else in his person other than expensive garments and frilly shirts. "Mon chou, it is rude to stare."

"I'll stare whenever I damn want and however long," she spat, folding her arms unamused. "And how do you want this to start, hm? I believe it's about time you make the first move."

"Dear god, mon chasseur," he snorted, "I am your prey! Do you truly expect that I will make the first move? I may be a savage, yes, but I am also a gentleman. Ladies' first."

"A gentleman or a coward?" Her sharp eyes stared up at him with the same old scowl. Was it growing deeper with the distaste she had for him? Maybe, but she was definitely curious to see if she could get him to move first. "I don't see why you shouldn't make the first move—this is a one-time offer, buddy. I reckon don't waste it."

"Is that a taunt? How cute."

"I'm just saying that if you don't move through your entire character then maybe you're not a true gentleman after all." The hunter shrugs rather dismissively. "Ladies' first, sure. But don't you think it's quite rude to have the woman do all the work? I believe for the 5 months I've hunted your elusive ass, I have done most of the initiating. It's about damn time you do so now, don't you think?" Amihan kept her dull, brown eyes on him. She wanted him to get annoyed, slighted. Out of all the vampires he had hunted, he seems to be the most elusive, most intelligent, and the most eerily humane. Upon observation during their past encounters, this vampire seems to be the only one who was thinking rationally. It wouldn't be too bad to try and take that away from him, right? Startle, confuse, overcome—that was the way to go. Would she win against him this time?

The vampire seemed to think about what she had said though, and he seemed to be a little conflicted. She definitely got him there where she wanted him. There was a stir in his mind, he couldn't care less who initiates and who doesn't; he was just trying to survive! Well, there were a lot of similar individuals in a similar situation as he, but they weren't as fortunate as he was (he did think they were imbeciles for being caught and killed like that and like before, that was not his problem). His only concern was to survive, nothing more, but for the past 5 months he did find the hunter's unrelenting resolve as something that was fascinating. As he was quite the annoying vampire to hunt and as well as the most rational, most hunters have died in the belief that he was like his feral brethren—moving solely to quench their thirst for life. Other hunters had escaped, other hunters found him difficult to contain and had given up trying.

But not Amihan.

Every other day without fail? It was only something Amihan could do. The way that she was the only one to have ever figured out his routine and had been continually meeting him here in this exact same spot, it had caught his attention and interest. His curiosity could only grow and eat him in sorry frustration as she would most likely kill him if he ever came close. What would her blood taste like, how would his skin glide to the shape of her nape? Just the mere thought of it made his mouth water but he was immediately dragged away by her voice, taunting, telling him to come closer...

"Come on," Amihan said in boredom, "Move."

For a second, his rationality slipped at the most crucial moment, finding himself right in front of her, nose touching, breaths mingling—the wind howled coldly through the trees and forests of Quebec as the space between them became occupied in a matter of seconds. His eyes were locked in one spot on her body. The nape—his mouth started to water again, his teeth felt itchy, painfully trying and wanting to sink into her flesh, slowly consumed by the thought of it.

Bite. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink—

The hunter's victorious grin was such an eerie sight that was immediately forgotten by the sudden, overwhelming pain that flared up his body.

"Dimwit," she said, grinning from ear to ear. "I've finally caught you."

[kafus]

i just got really focused on gaming while traveling south of veilstone and getting to pastoria and now i'm backed up with images and stuff to talk about so i may skim over the less interesting stuff LOL

okay 1. it's really lame that you never actually battle lucas during platinum despite being able to see he has a pokemon team during these tag team battles and 2. idk lucas maybe that's cause they literally do, they bought a massive building to the north of the city and seem to have their hands in the local casino DSFKFSDK

AND SIR YOU DRAG A CHILD INTO INVESTIGATING CRIME!!! (lighthearted) but like guys chill i'm just a 10 year old girl with some funny magical creatures. worth the trip though because i got the fly HM in there. which i am not teaching to murkrow because she already has drill peck and i don't want basically duplicate moves but one is worse. i will simply bike around or use a staravia in my box to fly LOL (funny that i finally have a team with a bird that can use fly and i don't even want to use it for that...)

panini evolved into his final form pretty soon after starting to clear out trainers below veilstone!! feels good to have something evolve, i have so many weird evos on the team that it just hasn't happened in a while despite being in the part of the game where evos should happen the most lol

once again WE DO A LITTLE DEX COMPLETION... since i already caught all the unown i was able to go all the way into the back of the maniac tunnel and grab the ! and ? unown. it was honestly pretty funny walking in there and having the tunnel already completed, i don't think i've ever done that in a sinnoh game before lmao.

i really like how the resort area namedrops every region that existed at the time (other than sinnoh obviously) throughout its npcs. the one guy mentioning tin tower (he also mentions whirl islands) and mt moon is neat too, feels like HGSS foreshadowing specifically in a way that the girl giving you the white flute does not. he's alluding to specific locations and pokemon (he vagues ho-oh and lugia)

and last but not least out of everything i feel like mentioning...

PEPPER?? SHOULD I BE CONCERNED?? GIRL ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE JOKING?? SDFKSDFJKS this really took me offguard, i know some of these footprint ribbon dialogues are silly but i'm unsure if i've checked a pokemon with this specific dialogue before so i was like HUH??? i like to imagine that despite this sounding really edgy cause she's a dark type or whatever that pepper just has a habit of love biting. she nibbles u to show she cares

my scyther and finneon aren't eligible for the ribbon yet but i did end up getting it on pepper obviously, and panini (luxray) and waffle (clefairy) yeehaw :] i'll come back to get it on the others. my ribbon obsessed brain needs more ribbons

anyway i have the GREAT MARSH now and the BINOCULARS told me that i have CARNIVINE today so i gotta go do that since that's a daily pokemon exclusive

[cookie-waffle]

I’m currently attempting to watch every animated Disney movie, as well as some of the classic live-action ones, in order (skipping Song of the South and the WW2 propaganda stuff ofc)

Some quick thoughts on the movies I’ve rewatched so far:

Sleeping Beauty- A classic that was a huge influence on the world of animation. We wouldn’t have a lot of the pop culture we have today if it weren’t for this movie. Not much else to say about it. I do wish that Snow White was not 14, because it makes the Dwarves creepy with that context. But, luckily, it never states that she’s 14 so you can just tell any kid you show the movie to that she’s a grown up.

- Pinocchio- Still very fun. Pinocchio himself is very cute and likable. My only real issue is Stromboli. I THINK he’s supposed to be Romani, and if he is then his portrayal is pretty racist. But I think it will fly over most kids heads. I know it did for me when I was a kid.

- Fantasia: Absolutely fantastic. The quality is so high that I actually didn’t know it was from the 40s till I re-watched it. I will say though, that the parts with the human composers on screen may bore some kids. Of course, the biggest issue is a pretty racist caricature of a black person in the centaur short, but that scene has actually been cut out for years. I’m not a super huge fan of animation studios censoring their racist histories, but the upside is that you can probably show this to your kids without much worry.

-Dumbo- “Baby mine” makes me cry harder as an adult than I did as a kid. It’s a very cute and simple movie, but of course it’s biggest downfall is the racist “black” crows. But at the very least, the stereotypes shown in the crows are so old that modern day kids wouldn’t be able to associate them with black people, so it’s probably still okay to show them the movie.

- Bambi: Still as good as I remember. Watching the little animal kids play around is genuinely adorable. Bambi’s mother dying is still sad. Idk what else I can say tbh. And there’s no racism or weird underage stuff, so it’s perfectly fine to show kids.

- Saludos Amigos- Although there were some outdated depictions of south American people that may be considered offensive, I was expecting much worse. It was still enjoyable and I’d say it’s still probably okay to show to kids. It also debuted José the parrot, who I’ve grown to like a lot.

- The three Caballeros: It was fun. Idk what else to say about it other than I’m glad José got a lot of screen time. And Donald Duck is always funny, so I did laugh. Ngl I kinda ship the caballeros as a polycule now lmao.

- Fun and Fancy free: Aside from The Three Caballeros, this is the only classic Disney movie I did not see as a child. It’s cute. I enjoyed it and liked how Jimmy Cricket was the host. The Bongo short was adorable and I really wish I saw it as a kid (I THINK I saw the Jack and the Beanstalk short as a kid, but maybe I’m just misremembering scenes from House of Mouse.) I found it really interesting to see something that was such a clear product of WW2z Walt Disney was not a perfect man by any means, but this movie shows that he truly wanted to make people happy during a dark time in history. It’s no Lion King, but it’s still an enjoyable movie. I just don’t recommend it if you have a phobia of puppets/marionettes because the second short shows them a lot.

- The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad: I absolutely loved this. I remembered some of the Ichabod story from childhood, but completely forgot the Mr. Toad part of the movie, so a lot of it was like watching a new movie. Ichabod was still as good as I remembered, but Mr. Toad was WAY funnier than I remembered. The man is a menace to society and I love him.

-Cinderella: I am shocked at how much I loved this as an adult. It’s probably the most well-aged of all the classic Disney Princess movies. It’s about an abuse survivor finally getting what she wants, and honestly? That simple concept is enough for me to love it. I also greatly appreciate how there’s no old racist stereotypes and that Cinderella herself is an actual adult and not 14-16.

- Alice in Wonderland: Absolutely nothing wrong with this one. It’s Alice in Wonderland, idk what else to say about it. The Mad Hatter is still my favorite character just like he was during my childhood. Only new thing I could say is that, as an adult, I finally realized just how fucked up the oyster story was lol. Overall, I think this is a harmless movie to show kids. It’s also fun to watch while high lol.

- Robin Hood: Ah yes, the movie that planted the furry seed in my head as a child. I think I actually enjoyed this more as an adult. King John is very entertaining. This is honestly one of those underrated Disney Gems. Only real criticism I have is the part when Robin and Little John disguise as stereotypical romani women, but I highly doubt most kids will actually understand what they’re referencing.

- Peter Pan: I’ll admit, I have a soft spot for Peter Pan. And watching the movie as an adult, Captain Hook made me laugh a lot at all his slapstick. I think he’s one of my favorite Disney Villains after rewatching it. But, I do have to address the pink elephant in the room: the racist portrayal of native Americans. Tiger Lilly is the only native character who isn’t designed with super racist overtones. As someone who has a lot of native blood, I have mixed feelings in this movie. I think it would still be okay to show kids this movie to kids if you explained to them that that part of the movie was inaccurate, or just fast forwarded through the racist scenes. It’s certainly NOT the most racist thing that Disney has ever animated, but I can understand why you wouldn’t wan’t to show this to your kids. Other than that, everything else is fantastic and really captures that “Disney magic”

- Lady and the Tramp: This movie is adorable and it WOULD be perfectly fine if it weren’t for the racist siamese cats. However, it’s a similar situation to Dumbo in that the stereotypes are so old that the vast majority of kids will not associate them with the race they’re making fun of (I know I didn’t as a kid)

-Sleeping Beauty: This film’s visuals are absolutely amazing. The animation is fantastic and the design of Maleficent is peak. And I like how Prince Phillip actually has some personality. However, the one GLARING issue with this movie is Araura’s age. Unlike in Sleeping Beauty, they verbally confirm several times that Aurora is 15-16 years old. Personally, I would not want my kids to think that it’s okay to get married at that age. However, when I was a kid, I did not pick up on her age at all. I had always assumed that Aurora was in her early to mid-20s because that’s how old she looks. So, I can’t really say if this is appropriate to show to kids or not. It’s really up to you.

- 101 Dalmations: Simple, but very cute, especially if you’re a dog person. Cruella Devils is a super entertaining villain, and it’s honestly a refreshing change that she isn’t an evil queen or witch, she’s just a massive bitch. I love that. Perfectly fine to show to kids.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, i wanted to get any kind of input or opinion because i think theres something really wrong with me. ive always been obsessed with labels and terms to identify myself, always switching them around and finding a new one regularly to base myself off of. right now at least i have no actual sense of identity and its very possible i could just be reaching because i tend to do that a lot but i dont remember a time where i genuinely had a hold on who i was, aside from when i had a really unhealthy obsession with one singular person for about 2 years. my entire life and mental state revolved around them during that time and to be honest, even though we arent on speaking terms anymore, still seeing them on socials messes me up pretty often.

anyway, the main issue is that i dont really know who i am or who i even want to be. i cant even really keep a name/nickname to go buy for longer than a few months only because i know it inconveniences the people around me (however few there are now). and thats another thing! im really iffy about making connections with people now because a lot about it makes me uncomfortable, like the responsibility and having to deal with another person all the time. i know that sounds really shitty, but i feel like i spent all my love ill ever have on that one person for two years and now that its gone, its never coming back. im still very lonely now but the thought of trying to fix that is really uncomfortable to me. its not that im incapable of making friends, its that after a while ill kind of get tired of them? something about consistency makes me restless and i know its shitty because im a really up and down kind of friend, like recently ive only been talking to people when i feel like it, which is one big reason i dont want to make friends and put people through that.

back to the labels and identity thing. its always kind of been there, but recently the urge to cling to some sort of label or answer for my behavior and thoughts and feelings has been so strong that i almost wish i was genuinely delusional or something. or just that something was seriously wrong with me, just so that i have something new and big to cling to. i know thats bad and unhealthy but i dont know how else to function. ive been thinking recently that i have a lot of narcissistic traits, or at least self centered tendencies. i always operate like im the main character. i always do things with the thought in mind that there will be no negative outcomes for me, and if there so happens to be one, then ill somehow weasel my way out of it. i think that everything will always go well for me, which is weird because it very much has not in the past. a lot of bad things have happened to me, but in a weird fucked up kind of way im glad they did. because now i have some sort of trauma to cling to and roll into my identity. but the flaw in that is that i need a new one every so often. i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely dont know who i am. and thats why i think somethings wrong with me. because what normal person thinks and operates like this? i dont know if i fully described the reality of my situation, or if im just saying that because i want it to seem worse, but thats about it. sorry for the long ask. i hope you can get around to answering

Hi anon,

I think to some degree its okay to like labels, as they can provide us a sense of structure and being able to name things can give a lot of people comfort. It's also okay to change your identity, as identities are fluid and naturally change over time. You're allowed to change your identity as many times as you want because it's literally yours to dictate, you know?

However, there are many different possibilities as to why you may be experiencing this frequent shift in identity. While I can help explain what these possibilites might be, it is crucial to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment and diagnosis.

One of the possibilities is that you could have some narcissistic tendencies, as from my understanding of NPD, it's about basically trying to regain control of feeling worthless or helpless by constructing a reality of grandiosity that can be incredibly fragile (please correct me if I'm wrong).

Also in the realm of personality disorders, the idea of having "identity disturbance" and "unhealthy obsessions" with someone is characteristic of BPD. Identity disturbance, also sometimes called identity diffusion, is described as an "incoherence, or inconsistency in a person's sense of identity. This could mean that a person's goals, beliefs, and actions are constantly changing. It could also be that the person takes on personality traits of people around them, as they struggle to have and maintain their own identity." Of course, you can experience identity disturbance without BPD, but it's still a common experience among pwBPD.

Another possibility is tired to when you said "i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely don't know who i am" as it reminded me of how a system might experience their identity, especially if they don't realize they're a system. This is not me saying you're definitely a system, but the possibility of plurality could be something to explore further as well.

Ultimately, this could be something to explore further with the guidance and mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, who can work with you to identify more concretely why you may be experiencing these things. They can also help you navigate these feelings and provide guidance tailored to your specific needs.

It's important to practice self-care and be gentle with yourself as you navigate your identity. Please know that it's okay to take your time and embrace the journey of self-discovery. If anyone has any additional insights or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

Day three of Paxlovid, Bubby wanted to test and see if we're still positive for covid19. We are negative! Though I think it's just the med, and we may test positive after it wears off, but seeing negative did feel nice.

He got a bunch of tests for free from work. How? The place he works always has them on hand as is company policy, so giving him to boxes with 12 tests each wasn't a big issue. We'll be testing daily until probably next week.

I'm still feeling weird courtesy of covid19, like the room is rocking as though teeter tottering. It's not my ears. This is triggered simply by moving my eyes. Paxlovid isn't helping. I know a couple other epileptics have experienced this with covid19 and Paxlovid, so it's likely neurological. At the same time, it could ge the Ritalin I was taking (stopped when I started Paxlovid) was doing what over a dozen seizure meds I've used had done.

Meds like to release real quick in my system, which is why I use a extended release version of my seizure med. As one doctor put it, I have especially strong or concentrated stomach acid, which is why I was diagnosed with GERD. When my seizure meds were releasing too fast, they built up in my system, and weren't be processed fast enough. Every dose released more, building it higher and higher. This resulted in the med becoming toxic, a dose of activated charcoal so my liver wouldn't crash (and why I got my liver checked once a month on some meds) because apparently that's where the meds build up, and then I was without meds for a week for a full "cleaning house" situation. During that week, I was either booked in the hospital or never left alone at home. Ritalin may be doing the same seeing as it's designed to release quickly. I may need to switch to a different ADHD med, a slow release. This likely won't last the 12 hours most are designed for, and instead six to eight hours instead. My extended release seizure meds in the past did the same. Some of them I took more than once a day.

It's also why I can't be more than a two to three hour late for my next dose of my current med. After the second hour, I start having issues. When the end of the third hour hits, I either get my meds or a hospital visit.

Before anyone comes at me with "suggestions" or "advice" about my seizures or epilepsy: shut up. Not all epilepsy can be 100% controlled. Not everyone qualified for surgery nor implants. Not everything has the ending TV, films, and books consider happy. My epilepsy has 0% chance of 100% control. I have been on over 20 meds in 30 years, some of which are now blacklisted and illegal due to permanent side effects. My seizure threshold is fucking low, trigger by mood/state of mental health, fever/illness, hormones (i look forward to being postmenopausal), noise (not helped by autism), specific sounds (i don't know what they are, but when made it sets off a seizure), flashing/flicker lights (I haaaaaaate fireworks with a cold deep passion), food (celiac disease causes gluten to inflame my gut, resulting in my meds not being absorbed at all), and heat. The threshold is fucking low, meaning it takes little set off my seizures. My epilepsy is the number one reason I'm permanently Disabled and on SSDI. When I tried being part of the workforce, most of my time was spent fucked up from seizures. It nearly killed me. Ah, yes, epilepsy is terminal if not controlled. Every seizure is brain damage, every seizure a risk of SUDEP.

I feel weird, wonky, and physical unbalanced. For those who haven't experienced med toxicity, it's like being drunk but so much worse.

[piduai]

back in 2021 when i was studying to get into college i would stalk your acc everyday i kinda developed a parasocial relationship with fr sorry girl i just enjoyed your strong opinions and ur sense of humour anyway a year later i actually got into college i am doing what i wanted and all and for some reason i thought it somehow would fix all of my lonely problems but it didnt. ive always been weird but more than ever i dont think i can hide it anymore, i try being normal sooo hard but i feel like everyone can see through my act and they get weirdedout, like they can see that i am trying so hard when to them is so natural and the only girl i kinda made acquaitance with is thinking abt leaving so idk what to do. i truly envy normal people, i take no pride in being different i would trade all of my "uniquiness" to be able to fit in this world fr. sorry for venting, i remember you had a post kind of giving tips on how to ""survive" college but i cant seem to be able to find it. anyway thanks queen keep your head up.

congrats on getting into college, especially if it's something you like doing! i hope your academic career is going smoothly.

if you're in your second year of college you're what, early 20s? being 21 is as bad as being 14 but now you can legally take out a loan. being a weird loner at 21 is ^2 that. i think a lot of lonely teenagers have this college fantasy where they'll finally become social butterflies once they get their psych 101 schedule, but it's rarely the case; people don't change overnight. what i'm trying to say is that it's normal and fine even to feel that way - the disappointment, the frustration, the feeling of something lacking and of losing out. you're in a transactional period, not fully grown into your brain, so it's rather normal to feel bottomless despair in your situation. a lot of your problems will pass with age.

i can relate to your "i wish i was normal" bit so bad. a lot of boring losers on here who haven't stepped a toe out of normalcy their entire lives will talk about being proud weirdos because they play dungeons and dragons and have a porn addiction. god's #real strongest warriors know that there's nothing worse than deviating from the norm, a life of alienation you feel down to the bones. even if you mask exceptionally well and manage to blend in it doesn't go away, you know that you're abnormal and are the odd one out, and struggling with things that come naturally to the majority is downright humiliating. when i was younger i used to resent all of this, i resented not being like other people, resented being unable to be like everyone else, resented having to invest excruciating effort to not stand out like a sore thumb. but eventually you just have to come to terms with it, accept that there's something wrong with you, something that makes you different from most people you'll meet casually, and live with it. once you don't hate yourself for it anymore all you have to do is remember the scripts to follow during regular meaningless interactions and you're peachy. weird people have always existed, you're not the first or the last one, and they lived somehow so we can manage too.

and i know that the self-consciousness makes you think that everyone can sniff you out like a hound but the truth is that most people don't really care about you, they have their own lives to worry about. and it's a good thing, great in fact! if you just exist quietly but try to blend in (as in, don't behave in erratic or abnormal ways and don't create trouble) THE meanest thing people will passingly may think of you is "oh she's a bit awkward/shy/unfriendly" like i promise you those around you don't secretly look at you and go like... wtf.... look at that FREAK walking here..... gross..... because they simply don't care. like i think that strangers are much more benevolently indifferent than we're giving them credit for.

as for practical advice you never asked for, the good old "go to a place many times and you'll meet someone" method typically works. actually the best would be to join some sport of your liking, it doesn't have to be like, competitive or anything, swimming or badminton are good. but if you're bad at that maybe try chiller hobbies, like maybe your uni has some kind of clubs? anime/manga clubs, reading clubs, whatever you like. usually the people you meet at those particular clubs suck, but it kind of works like lesbian dating - they can introduce you to their friends, which can be nice encounters. there's also the option of frequently volunteering at events or getting a part-time job, stuff like bartending can introduce you to a lot of young people, especially if you're in a student town, but barista/waitressing can work too.

the problem with all of the above is that it does require you to be proactive, which is i think a difficult feature if your sense of self is fluctuating and you're being eaten alive by shame/self-doubt/self-hatred/insecurity. it's very hard to live that way. first and foremost you need to stand solid on who you are, to learn to accept your own quirks, to accept that you have to put up with hardships others will never know, and to respect yourself. different doesn't mean worse, or even bad. you're not a bad person. bad people don't have this kind of thoughts, they live life guilt free while demeaning and stomping on others. so even if you're a bit unusual you're still a decent person, you're deserving of dignity and respect and kindness, of good things, of connection, of love. meaningful encounters are rare, but they happen! keep searching, there is no other way. there are other people like you. i wish you the best of luck!

[1d1195]

STOMACH ISSUES?! bestie WE ARE THE SAME! I sadly have stomach problems too lol But Im glad that it wasn't anything too serious and that you feel better! Let's hope you won't get sick because it's already a bit tragic with the period lol oh don't even get me started on allergies!

I may have a controversial opinion but I feel like we should bring back skinny jeans!! of course people are allowed to wear whatever they want and it shouldn't matter if it's it trendy but I kinda miss seeing it more lol What sports did you play? I don't think you've mentioned that before but if you did im sorry! But it sucks that you did have some form of damage :( But wedges are cute! they are definitely more comfortable! I feel the same way about platform shoes/heels like idk something about it makes me feel so GOOD! If i could even wear a cute little mary jane heel everyday I would be happy lol But i can't do that due to walking way too much and I REFUSE to use an electric scooter on campus lol

Being a dentist is wild bc i could not do what they do 😭

My TA is still hot lol Didn't see him as much this week because our classes were cancelled due to the professor being out of town :( But ugh Sam he's so attractive like he's just existing and walking around lecture when we have to talk in groups and he just looks so 😵‍💫 My friend in that class pointed out that he has a nice nose which i once again DIDNT EVEN NOTICE 😭 so theres more evidence for my nose thing apparently 😔

YES TO SHOPPING!!!! Enjoy your weekend my love, you deserve it and more💗 I love you!-💜

SO I spent $180 and saved $130 which is honestly not that great in my opinion but could have been worse. I once got a pair of American Eagle jeans for $0.01 and I’ve been trying to achieve that high ever since.

I don’t have horrible stomach issues fortunately (my sister took that on for me thankfully 😅) I’m more of a headache girly lol. Every day at 3pm like clockwork. Is it head trauma or from teaching teens all day?? We’ll never know (it’s teaching). But my stomach is very sensitive sometimes (I think it’s hormones). Speaking of, no illness it’s just my period rn right on cue, first day of break ✌🏻

Omg please I hope they come back around I’m not exactly a petite lady so I can’t with the flare/boot cut jeans. They make me look so rectangular (more than I already am), short, and frumpy that’s why I like skinny jeans so much 😂

I love shoes I don’t even care what kind they’re so fun and I think they can pull a whole outfit together. It’s def wedge season now so I’m very excited about that. When I was a child I rocked a tutu and patent leather and Mary Jane’s for about a whole year of my life. It was the last time I wore them and I think cute little Mary Jane’s would be so fun for me now (but seem a little wintry so I’ll wait till the fall) ☺️ I love that for you and don’t blame you at all. There will be time when you get your career and you can wear Mary Jane’s everyday! I can’t imagine the electric scooter I would cry 🤣 I miss that most about college: all the walking. It was so nice (except in the snow/rain) but when it was nice it was cool everything was close by and walkable (I grew up in a rural-ish area so you had to drive to get anywhere).

I wasn’t full blown tomboy but my dad instilled Boston sports in my blood. I played soccer, softball, and volleyball for major periods of time in my life. Soccer was my favorite but ruined my ankles :( I loved fielding but hated batting in softball. Volleyball was by far the most fun but I wasn’t very good. I enjoyed back row. I love watching most sports 💕 I can cheer on any team the bar has a consensus of rooting for when I go out 🤣

I’m dying about the nose. But I love that for you 💕 I hope you get to see him more in the coming week. I think I would swoon if he walked by me during class being attractive AND smart. I used to be a TA actually. I don’t think any of them thought I was hot but to be fair who would ever like the weird math nerd 😂 I used to make them review sheets with math puns (Sum-things to Know was how I reviewed the chapter on summations)

I LOVE YOU

Xoxo

[daedalusdavinci]

2023 Tumblr Top Ten

1. 139 notes - Aug 20 2023

2. 82 notes - May 6 2023

MY Davekat Fic Recs

3. 78 notes - May 6 2023

Superbat Fic Recs

4. 55 notes - May 10 2023

Q: 42. Foolish - twobats

Bruce awoke with panic flaring in his chest. There had been a hand on his shoulder. Alfred and the kids knew better than that, and so instinct took over, grabbing the offending arm and yanking. Before he was even fully awake, Bruce had rolled and pinned a man underneath him, an arm drawn back to knock him out. “Wait, wait, wait, Bruce-" Bruce blinked hard, and in the darkness, the details of the figure started to come together. Harvey- or was it Two Face? had one hand pinned above his head, the other raised defensively. "Some way to treat your bedfellows." "Dent,” Bruce breathed, letting his hand fall. He gripped his collar instead, rolling his fist into the fabric. “Why are you here?”

5. 54 notes - Feb 6 2023

Q: 7 couldn't you wait to kiss me at home with bruharv perhaps

He was old, now. Gray confused the line between white hair and dark brown, swept back and fussed with the way Harvey preferred. The skin grafts made his wrinkles look deeper on the left side of his face, clustered across his forehead and around the corners of his mouth. His glasses were sharp and square, perfectly distinguished, and his suit was a loud white and black, paired with a purple turtleneck that fit him nicely. He looked as beautiful as the day Bruce had met him, but settled into himself, finally finding balance as the years turned. Confidence looked dangerously attractive on him, but his smile was as golden warm as ever. “Harvey,” Bruce greeted, reaching for his cane to rise and meet him. “Oh, sit down, Bruce.” Harvey pushed a cup of coffee into his hand, gently forcing him back into his seat. He stooped to press a kiss against his cheek, the tilt of a smile warm against Bruce’s skin. “I just wanted to make sure you got it before it went cold. You’re running over time.”

7. 40 notes - Feb 15 2023

Q: Meaningful gestures 30. "Wow, you really did your research, huh? That's amazing..." is eating my brain because of college!Bruharvey. Like, this doesn’t have to be a prompt but just picture Harv/2-F’s reaction to seeing Bruce do research just to help them. (I can’t decide what would be better, Harv or 2-F fronting in the moment they find out.)

The stack of books on Bruce’s desk feels like an impossible tower, its shadow looming over Harvey the way his father used to during those late nights, clothes disheveled and beer still in hand. Except, it’s not like that at all. It’s huge and overwhelming, terrifying in its size, but its scary because of what it represents- not what it might do. The hit comes before Harvey ever knows he has to brace for it, finding an unguarded place in his ribs and striking straight through to his heart. The air leaves his lungs. His steps stagger. His hands feel shaky and his knees are untrustworthy, at risk of giving out beneath him at any minute. They’re just books. They’re just books. It’s what Bruce does. He inhales knowledge like his life depends on it, drawn to every bit of esoterica he can get his hands on. It shouldn’t matter. But it does.

8. 40 notes - Feb 7 2023

Q: 10) I have never been this sick before I'm sorry did I, haha this is so weird, but did I confess my love for you? f- four times? yeah? haha oh, superbats

Alfred said it was the flu. Not Ivy’s newest batch of toxin, or Tetch’s mind control, or the lasting effects of a JLA fight gone wrong, or even a stomach bug from eating Tim’s latest feeble attempt at cooking while desperately trying to practice to impress his boyfriend. It was just the plain old flu. And Bruce had never felt worse. Alfred said it probably wouldn’t have been half as bad if he hadn’t gone out to patrol in the snow, multiple times, even after being warned not to. Damian said it probably wouldn’t have been half as bad if he hadn’t insisted on testing those antitoxins on himself recently. Jason said he’d slipped a viral strand of zombie DNA into his coffee grounds the last time he swung by, and it was only after Cass pointed out the coffee grounds also would’ve poisoned half the house that he realized Jason was most certainly just fucking with him. Duke said he should probably run the tests just in case, because the freezing batcave would certainly do him a lot of good, and somehow that entirely reasonable suggestion just wound up making Alfred more frustrated than ever. And then Alfred did the unthinkable. He called in the cavalry.

9. 39 notes - May 6 2023

My Riddlebat Recs

10. 39 notes - Jan 12 2023

Snow Day

Ships: Matches Malone/Harvey Dent

AU: Harvey Dent adopts Jason Todd

Word Count: 5,537

Summary:

On cold days, particularly after long nights, there are few things better than a good, long sleep. Especially if that sleep is accompanied by a henchman who’s so much more, and a squirmy teen still freezing from the snow he didn’t dress for, despite Harvey’s warnings.

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