#some can't and need time to heal outside a relationship

[olivsie]

I believe with my whole chest that if haley was Suicidal Instead of a Stereotypical mean girl at the start. Everyone would flaunt around her And speak of her as if she Ascended from heaven itself. Because for some fucked up reason we associate suicidalness and depression with a sense of honor/purity/excuse. And As somebody who used to Really struggle with that kind of stuff. I think it's very disgusting. These are not things that make you Honorable/ Excuse you for bad behavior. Sure they can be EXPLANATIONS for bad behavior, excuse? Maybe sometimes but.,still. Let us Not forget that Many people will Try to use Their daily struggles as Excuses; ex, "The only reason I screamed at you was because I had a bad day And I don't want you to talk to me"

Now to be fair, I don't think that Shane himself is using it as an excuse too much. Sure he is Being extremely rude But if I Remember correctly, He never tries to use it as an excuse. It's the fanbase doing that, not him.

honestly love that in the sdv community there will be judgement on who you marry except if you ‘marry’ Krobus

You marry Haley? Humiliation fetish

Alex? He’s sexist

Krobus? He’s a shadow man who lives in sewer and will give you hugs why wouldn’t you be roommates with him

[ceilidho]

soap developing an unhealthy attachment to his therapist post his brush with death after being shot at point blank range. he was reluctant to see a therapist at first because he didn't like what it said about him that he was being more or less strong armed into seeing a shrink (like no one trusts him anymore; they don't think his head's on straight since being shot), but as time goes on, he grows to cherish the relationship he's cultivated with his therapist because,

well,

she understands him. she listens to him. where everyone else seems to want him to just hurry up and get better (the nightmares, the mid-sentence brain fog, the erratic mood swings, the silent brooding when he can't find the words, aphasia on the tip of his tongue, the constant, constant headaches and auditory hallucinations that he can't seem to kick), she doesn't put any pressure on him to heal right away. she works with him and his medical team; gives him the space to process what happened to him, and has a seemingly bottomless wealth of patience for him.

he can talk for hours in her presence. it's a shame their time together is limited to an hour and a half every week. the dulcet sound of her voice is such a comfort to him. it's a shame she politely but firmly rejects his advances when he finally asks her out, tells him that it wouldn't even be appropriate for them to be friends outside of his sessions. that it would in some way hinder his healing journey. which pisses him off because Soap has progressed in leaps and bounds since those early days when he used to stumble over his words sitting on the couch across from her, head in his hands when the language felt beyond his grasp, a fine tremor still running through his hands that he's since managed to contain,

and

his head is throbbing again. a sharp pain above his eye that pulsates like a drum in his head and -

he thinks about her constantly. in and out of sessions. she's a frequent topic of conversation when the brass finally lets him back out in the field, Makarov finally dealt with (resting six feet deep in an unmarked grave). he ignores the looks oscillating between concern and worry that Price gives him. ignores the way Ghost barks at him to quit bothering the bird in the tight skirt and fuck someone that won't get him discharged. ignores the way Gaz pulls him to the side to ask if maybe he needs to see another therapist, y'know, mate...get some distance.

they act like this is something new. an abberation and not his very nature. like he hasn't always been the type to lock onto a scent like a hunting dog. a sniper by training. he sits and he watches and he waits; waits for the right moment that he alone knows.

it comes to him on an inauspicious day, when he's leaving the training facilities and spots his sweet thing rummaging around in the boot of her car, her ass beckoning him forward like a siren's call. now, now, now, the little itch in his head says, the voice that knows when the time is right. it's a sense acquired through conscious and unconscious observation, letting it all filter into his frontal cortex until he knows without knowing that the parking lot is empty apart from the two of them and the men at the base gates half a mile away.

it would take nothing for him to come up behind her and push her into the boot. nothing to wrestle the purse from her hands and slam the trunk shut. nothing to drive off base with a flick of his fingers to the guards that hardly ever bother to question him before he leaves (though they know what car he actually drives), made complacent by familiarity.

and he knows that it's wrong, knows that there's a line that he shouldn't cross, that choices have consequences, but,

his mouth salivates when her hips twitch, the urge to take settling over him. surely they'd forgive him one indiscretion.

[azrielbrainrot]

I'll Be Here

Pairing: Azriel x Healer!Reader

Description: You feel a little out of place at a celebration in the House of Wind and a certain Shadowsinger comes to the rescue.

Word Count: 3605

Warnings: None

Notes: I had this stuck in my head and decided to just write it down. I'm not really a writer so bear with me please. Hope you enjoy!

Healer!Reader Masterlist

It's hard to keep an eye on how much wine you drink when the glasses get refilled magically. You've heard that this house has a consciousness of its own. Maybe it can sense your growing anxiety and keeps filling your glass in hopes of helping ease your mind a little. The more you drink the more worried you get, the thought that getting too drunk will only put you at a higher risk of embarrassing yourself having infiltrated your brain and pushed all the rational thoughts out. Big gatherings aren't exactly your cup of tea and the fact that this one was personally hosted by your High Lord didn't exactly help ease your nerves.

You've visited the House of Wind before but always as a part of your duties. Though it was because of your duties you were invited to this dinner so maybe you could add this attendance as part of your job. The High Lord and High Lady decided to invite notable people in Velaris for a night of celebrating the thriving city. After losing its High Lord for decades and the war that followed his release, Velaris went through some tough times but with the help of its people - most of them gathered in this space tonight - the city was once again prospering.

As a healer you usually see the High Lord and his Inner Circle in a state of emergency, when your abilities are needed and there's usually no time for formalities or worries. Every time you encounter them outside of those situations you never know what to make of yourself. You wouldn't say you're completely inept at social situations but you're definitely a lot better at handling them when they involve your patients and you have a job to do, something more important to focus on than choosing the right thing to say.

Your relationship with the Inner Circle is professional albeit friendly. It's hard not to feel your heart warming at the cupcakes the General insisted on buying you for helping heal his wings even after explaining that you actually only helped on his recovery process. Every time he drops by the clinic to pick up any herbs or ointments he insists on buying you one - though you suspect it's also an excuse to get one for himself - and when you see him out and about he demonstrates how healthy his wings are, having done it just before dinner when he was in charge of flying you up to the house. The painting the High Lady personally painted for you, as an acknowledgement of your efforts during the war, hangs right behind your desk in your office at the clinic and is one of your most important possessions.

This would be the kind of relationship anyone would kill to have with their employees - friendly acquaintances. But, since you were there for some of their most intimate moments and helped them through them, you never know how to act when you're not doing your job. You can't exactly call them your friends, even putting the fact that is your High Lord and High Lady aside, outside of work you only exchange some pleasantries whenever you bump into them. However there's too much knowledge for you to act completely professional after decades of nursing them and their family back to health. It feels awkward to shake their hands when they have hugged you with tears in their eyes, thanking you for saving their family.

There's also the tiny detail of the crush you've harbored on the resident shadowsinger ever since you first laid eyes on him. On top of trying to walk the line between friends and strangers with everyone else, you also have to be careful with not letting the observant Spymaster find out about the beat your heart skips when you see him. Making things awkward because of a silly crush is the last thing you need.

It's that reminder and the monumental effort you have to make not to let your eyes search for him that has you finally sneaking out of the room, deciding to find a quiet place to sober up. The House had fed you too much wine, and you still had to be flown back down at the end of the night. You'd really hate to throw up on Cassian's fancy suit. He probably wouldn't buy you cupcakes ever again.

You remember some of your surroundings after decades of being called in for emergencies, quickly finding one of the huge balconies overlooking the city. The fresh air grounds you almost immediately. You can still hear the muffled sounds of the ongoing party but the quietness of the mountain lets you get lost in thought. As much as you enjoy the liveliness of the nightlife in Velaris, you infinitely prefer the quietness and freedom only the woods or mountains at night can provide. When it's only you, the moon and the stars, and the world stops.

You don't know how long you sit there for, leaning on the railing and looking into the distance, wondering why your healing abilities work on some forms of poison but not on sobering you up. Your head only comes back to earth when you hear a familiar voice calling out your name behind you. You turn around fast enough to make you a bit dizzy, leaning back against the railing with wide eyes.

“Didn't mean to scare you,” the shadowsinger explained, “I just noticed you were gone from the room.” You spot the way he's bringing his wings closer to his body, making himself smaller, if that were even possible. Azriel made you feel a lot of things but you hadn't felt scared of him in decades, ever since the first time you met him. If you hadn't been already tipsy and distracted thinking about him you wouldn't have reacted so dramatically.

Realizing the spymaster of this court had just found you wandering around his house unattended, you rush to apologize and give him an explanation.

“I'm sorry. I needed some fresh air and remembered there was a balcony around here. I shouldn't have left the party without permission.” You make to move back, showing you were ready to go back to the party but he raises a hand and takes a step closer to you, stopping you before you can.

“You're not a stranger to this house. No need for permission,” he took another tentative step towards you before continuing, “Do you feel better now?” You relax back against the railing, your heart beating fast for a whole different reason now. It's not often you get to see Azriel out of his leathers and you barely had a chance to see him up close tonight, he looks mesmerizing.

“What?” Maybe you didn't sober up as much as you thought. Maybe being this close to Azriel was just an intoxicating experience in itself. Either way your brain was having a hard time catching up to his words and your chest was starting to feel warm.

“You said you needed some fresh air.” There's a glint in his eyes that wasn't there before. Probably realizing that you weren't actually going to be sick. His shadows peak behind his shoulders, following their master as they usually do.

“Yes. It was just getting a bit stuffy in there.” Aside from the butterflies creating a hurricane in your stomach, talking to Azriel feels right. His calm demeanor lets your thoughts quiet. “I might have drank too much because of the nerves.”

The Shadowsinger moves until he's leaning against the railing next to you. His eyes wander the illuminated city slowly before meeting yours. Stretched wings hang in what you assume is a less straining position after having to be pulled tighter into his body in the crowded room. Shadows start rolling off his shoulders, now lazing around him instead of covering him. The soft wind moves his hair ever so slightly, letting a few strands curl around his forehead and giving him an almost boyish look. It's not often you see the spymaster appear relaxed. You decide it might be your favorite look on him.

“Nerves?” Your eyes search his face once again after hearing the confusion in his voice. Azriel has a permanent seat at the High Lord's table not only as the Night Court's Spymaster but also as someone Rhysand considers family. This night isn't so different from every other dinner he shares with his family, just more crowded.

“I've never been to this house outside of my duties. It's a bit nerve-wracking to be personally invited by the High Lord.” As you finish speaking one of his shadows curls around his ear. You've learned they do this when they're speaking to him. The thought of it being about you has your heart speeding up. Only the Mother knows just how much those shadows can see and hear, if they can hear your thoughts. You check your mental shields just in case. They can be as terrifying as they are beautiful.

“Rhys and Feyre couldn't have thrown a party celebrating the strength and courage the people of Velaris have shown without one of our best healers. You've helped more people than we could ever thank you for.” The warmth you felt in your chest before was now spreading up your neck at an alarming rate. You had just been doing your job but being recognized for it felt incredibly rewarding. The fact that this praise came from the shadowsinger was making you especially giddy. “Rhys invited you because you're very important to this court, to us.”

“I am?” The question comes out before your brain has a chance to catch up. You try not to cringe at the surprise in your tone. It's not that you're not aware of your capabilities, the High Lord and High Lady either call for you or for Madja, one of the most powerful and wise healers you have ever seen. But old insecurities will always show their claws, indifferent to your achievements. To think that you could be important to all these extremely powerful people seemed like the punchline to a joke.

“Of course.” His body turns to you ever so slightly. Fingers uncurl as if he wanted to reach out, comfort you. “None of us would be here in good health if it wasn't for you, maybe not at all. You've helped us more times than I can count.”

“I was just doing my job. And I can't take credit for Madja, I'm usually just assisting her.”

“Even so, you've helped us through a lot.” He sounded very sincere, there was no denying he meant every word, but you still have a hard time believing it.

“I just don't think I really fit in here,” you whispered so low that if it wasn't for his fae hearing he wouldn't have been able to make out the words. The admission felt heavy in the air, it felt good to let it out. You hadn't been this honest with anyone, perhaps even yourself, in decades, you must have drank way more wine than you initially thought.

You weren't born in Velaris, but you've lived here for a century. The problem is you've spent the better part of that century waiting on feeling like you finally belonged. You never felt at home in your own court or in your family so it might have been wishful thinking that it would happen here.

“I think like that sometimes too.” As baffled as you were to hear that coming from him, he looked even more surprised than you. It seems he hadn't meant to say that out loud, but the words couldn't be taken back now.

“That's insane,” you try to level your voice after the outburst, "You're part of this family. Why wouldn't you fit in?” You couldn't let him think like that, there was no doubt in your mind everyone here loved and cherished him like family.

Rhysand's inner circle was known for how close they were, they were seen as the High Lord's family regardless of if they were blood related or not. Azriel has always been calmer and you know he likes to keep to himself but you never thought he looked out of place for a second. It's hard to imagine Rhysand and Cassian without his brother.

His eyes were trained on the city under you. His shadows had come back to him, almost covering him completely. Azriel was quiet for a while, long enough you thought he wouldn't even give you an answer. But then you feel a shield form around you, lest someone wanders in and hears his next words.

“Sometimes things and people change while you stay stuck in the same place,” his eyes meet yours as he talks and you search his expression for the rest of the story you know he won't tell. If there's one thing you hate about the shadowsinger is his ability to mask his emotions. His face was the perfect stoic mask as always.

It's not hard to understand what he meant. In less than a decade the inner circle almost doubled and some of the dynamics had likely changed with it. His brothers have found their mates, something every fae dreams of, and he was the odd one out. Even the Morrigan and Amren had found lovers in recent years.

You had heard some rumors he had taken a liking to the middle Archeron sister after pining for the lovely Morrigan for centuries, but she had also found her mate. Not even his methods of interrogation could make you admit you were avoiding the entire inner circle during that time. The hope you had felt upon realizing he wasn't looking at Morrigan like she hung all the stars in the sky was short lived and it only made you feel pathetic. You didn't understand why it had affected you so much. This was just a silly crush after all, you had never considered actually pursuing a relationship with the shadowsinger.

“I still don't understand how Amren got a lover before you.” You had meant to clear the heavy air between you but why your brain decided to use the millennia old creature to do so was beyond you. “I mean she's just…” you continue, startled by your own words, praying to the Mother that the shield he put up stopped Amren from hearing you, “Well, she's fae now but wasn't before and is still mildly terrifying, even after the transition, and you're so-” Wide eyes meet hazel and nothing could ever prepare you for the look on his face. The amusement shone bright in his eyes and in the teasing grin he wore. Just when you thought the shadowsinger couldn't get any more beautiful.

“I'm so?” He tilts his head a little as he asks the question. His shadows start almost dancing around him, like they can't wait to hear your thoughts on their singer. You clear your throat before continuing, trying to salvage some of your dignity.

“You're the Spymaster, the only known Shadowsinger. That's incredible, anyone would be lucky to have you.” Something flashes in his eyes and your mouth starts back up at the thought that it could be disappointment at the impersonal description. Azriel is much more than his role in this court and you can't let him think that's all you see in him.

“You're also one of the kindest people I've ever met. I've seen you worry over every single person in that room, putting their needs over your own even when you're also injured. You always keep your composure for them and give them your support. I've seen you around Velaris too, you're always respectful to everyone, even when they're a bit scared of you.” Eyes drag themselves back to the shiny stars in the night so you can keep going without wanting to jump off the balcony and making an even bigger fool of yourself. “Even as far as looks go... I would bet my house that if we walked down any of these streets we wouldn't find anyone that doesn't think you're stupidly handsome.”

“Stupidly handsome?” The amusement was dripping down his voice at this point. The smile was unmistakable in his tone and you couldn't hold yourself back from watching him any longer. You feel yourself relax at the grin plastered on his face. It isn't often that the shadowsinger shows any emotion at all, and you can't help the pride in knowing you put that gorgeous smile on his face, especially after the somber turn the conversation had taken earlier. You continue despite the warmth you feel in your ears, you'd compliment him for hours if it meant he wouldn't feel sad ever again.

“I've actually heard someone use those exact words to describe you.” You've thought it to be the most accurate description of the immense beauty the shadowsinger radiates ever since you heard the barista use it. Apparently she hadn't been born in Velaris and had taken up the job only a few days prior to serving the illyrian. She had barely held the compliment down long enough for Azriel to exit the building, shooting up into the sky. A few fae present couldn't contain the laugh at the fervent appreciation of the shadowsinger, but the air of agreement shared by everyone was unmistakable.

“I'll have to let my mom know,” there was laughter in his tone, “I'm sure she will be very proud that her son is receiving such compliments.” You hadn't known his mother was still alive which makes you think it's meant to be kept secret. You almost curse at the way your heart flutters. Stupid crushes.

“I'm sure she is very proud of you regardless.” He doesn't give away any hint of what might be going through his brain and it leaves you in a slight panicked fear of overstepping or having said the wrong thing. You could swear you saw a glint of disbelief but it was gone too fast for you to be sure. The idea that the Spymaster couldn't see his own mother being proud of him was ludicrous to you.

The nod he gives you doesn't give any of his thoughts away, but his shadows keep moving slowly around the balcony, never rushing to cover him.

“Why are you single then?” You know he's changing the subject but you don't have time to consider that when you realize it's your turn to answer the questions.

“Me?” You barely register the slight nod he gives to show you he's expecting an answer. If you had shadows of your own they would have wrapped around you like a blanket until only the top of your hair was peaking out. “How do you know I am? Are you using your spies on me, Spymaster?”

“I have to be well informed of what happens in this city,” he searches your face just like you did to him, “And as the spymaster I'm more than familiar with deflection. You don't have to answer my question. Tell me if I'm overstepping”

“No. It's-” you cringe, trying to find the right words. “I just never found anyone special I guess.” Even talking about this with him has your heart swelling in your chest and you pray to the mother he can't pick up on any changes in your heartbeat. You've been avoiding this conversation with family and friends, but despite all this you know Azriel will understand and won't make fun of your feelings. It feels safe talking to him. “I get really busy sometimes so it's hard to keep up a proper relationship, even with friendships. Sometimes people need more time than what I can give them.” You try not to think of all the times you didn't measure up to other people's expectations, when they didn't see you as enough for the trouble.

“They're idiots for letting you go.” You don't know if he's being polite in not mentioning how your heart keeps speeding up or if he thinks you're drunker than you are, but you thank every deity you can think of that he doesn't say anything.

“Some things just aren't meant to be.” You hope he doesn't insist on this conversation. There isn't much else to say and you'd rather not keep talking about how many times you'd gotten dumped. You consider pointing out he never gave you a reason for being single and that he was the one actually deflecting, but you don't want to push what clearly isn't an easy topic for him to discuss either. You suspect Azriel barely opens up with anyone, so you'll just treasure the brief look into his heart he allowed you before.

The rest of your night is spent with the shadowsinger, sitting in that balcony, watching the stars and talking about anything. The next day you'll sit in bed mortified, thinking about how you were doing most of the talking while he listened, but he had seemed content enough so you couldn't have been too annoying. When the party ended you had said your goodbyes to your hosts, without the previous nerves after your conversation with the shadowsinger. Feyre had even asked you if you were alright because she also noticed you leaving in the middle of the party, though something about the glint in her eyes told you she had gotten the wrong idea. Then Azriel had flown you down the steps and winnowed you to your front door - even though you could do it yourself. Maybe you'd have to rethink calling the inner circle your friends.

[leviismybby]

If only I knew

Levi Ackerman x fem!reader, angsty angst, slight fluff but not too much

With the titans being gone and the world healing, people move on Levi Ackerman is no exception, he sits outside on the balcony, his eyes looking at people who pass down below. Every single one of them has their own story, their own struggles and challenges. He wondered sometimes what the story was of that old baker down the street that sells those sweet pastries he brings to the kids he is helping sometimes or that woman who always went on evening walks. He sees families, couples, mothers with their children, all of them with a different life than his own. 

Levi wasn't going to complain, this was the peace he fought for, he wishes sometimes that the people he cared about were still here but he learned to accept his freedom and stop feeling guilty about it, this is what they would want for him. As he looks at a young couple pass by, his thoughts wander back to you. How were you? Have you been doing good? Have you moved on from him? He thinks about you way too much and wonders if you think about him too. What if it was different? What if you were here with him? Enjoying the morning air just like he is....

He shakes his head and takes the now cooled-down cup of tea on the table next to him, he catches himself doing what he told himself not to do, going through all of those what-ifs that do nothing but put him in a spiral of thought. It's a habit he is working on getting rid of, there is nothing he has if he keeps living in the past. Levi has no regrets, that what he tells himself but, you were his regret, he regretted not going back to you and if he could go back in time for only one minute, he would go back to you.

His memories of you are still crystal clear, he hasn't forgotten what you looked like, how could he? You were his first and only love.

The underground wasn't a pleasant place to live, Levi scoffs as he cleans the floor, he tries to be quiet not to wake you up as you're still sleeping. His eyes look at the clock from time to time, he wonders if Furlan and Isabele have managed to get themselves a decent breakfast, he left them a note where hid some of the food supplies. He spent the night at your place, recently finding it a guilty pleasure of his. Does he feel bad for lying to his friends about where he is? Yes, he does. Does he feel like it's a need to keep you safe? Yes, he does. Both of them know about you and that you're Levi's girlfriend but Levi likes to keep your relationship a secret as much as he can.

As he continues to clean the floor, he eventually hears footsteps coming his way and looks up to see you leaning against the doorframe watching him clean. Your place wasn't big, you had two rooms, one was used as your bedroom and the other as your kitchen. "Well good morning, handsome." You smile as you speak and Levi rolls his eyes as he stands up. "Didn't I tell you to stop with the nicknames?" The smile doesn't leave your face, you can't help but tease him, it's your favorite thing to do. "No, you're handsome."

He approaches you and gives you a quick kiss on the lips. "Since you're already trying to suck up from the early fucking morning. Have about you make the bed while I make breakfast?" You groan. "Fine, we did leave it a mess." Levi can't help but let the side of his lip quirked up slightly, you two were rather intense any time you made love, he enjoyed it thoroughly. "Of course we did, you're a wild one in the sheets."

That morning when you two were eating breakfast, he noticed a discomfort on your face. "Name, what's the matter?" You rub your neck, feeling nausea again, the fourth morning in a row. "I am...fine just.." You stop for a second taking a deep breath. "I feel like I have to throw up." Quickly you stand up from the table and bend over the skin to throw up, Levi follows swiftly behind you, holding your hair and rubbing your back gently. After you're done, he reaches for the napkin and wipes your mouth before cleaning the sink as you sit down. "It's most likely a flu, Furlan had it last week." Levi says as he kneels before you and puts his hand over your lap. "Rest, I'll take care of everything."

Levi's memory trip is interrupted by his doorbell ringing, he stands up and takes his cane and makes his way to the door, cursing his leg. Opening the door, his eyes go slightly wide as he sees Jean and Connie, now both even more mature than the last time he saw them. They were in their early twenties now, both mature men, well as mature as Jean and Connie can get anyway. "You two...this is a surprise." Levi says and steps aside to let them in, usually when any of them visit they sent a letter prior so something must've happened for them to come all the way here.

"How's your leg, ca- Levi?" Jean almost face palms at Connie's slip-up, he didn't blame him however, it was a force of habit and long years of Levi being the Survey Corps captain. "It has its days. I don't need the shitty wheelchair today, at least not yet." He says as he leads them into the living room to sit down, they sit down on the sofa opposite Levi who sits down on a chair. "Do you two want something to drink?" Levi asks despite the fact that he can see that the two were in a hurry to tell him something. "No thank you. We won't be long." Jean says and takes his hat off. "We uh, the reason for our visit is tho." He pulls out a photo from his coat pocket and puts it on the table in front of Levi.

Levi arches an eyebrow for a second before taking a look at the photograph. There's silence for a few moments, this time it's Connie that speaks again. "We got it from Historia, she got the file for the newest recruits who just signed up for the military and when she came across the photo, she immediately called us." Of course, the new rule on Paradis is that you have to be 16 years of age to sign up to train for the military, Historia can't do much about the tight grip that the new regiment has on people but she made sure that kids no longer have to train at early age.

Silence falls over the room again as Levi observed the person in the photo. “This boy…..he looks familiar…” Levi takes a look at the photo better, thousands of questions going on through his mind. Jean and Connie look at each other, not knowing how to approach the situation, Jean clears his throat before speaking. “That's why we brought you that picture, we thought you might be able to tell us who it is.”

Levi keeps looking at the photograph. “And how old is he? Do you know?” He looks up, his face showing curiosity. “He is 16.” Connie’s words seem to leave Levi thinking even more. 16 years old…he saw you last 16 years ago. “16….” Levi sighs and looks at the photo again, his eyes pay close attention to the boy’s hair, jaw and eyes. His eyes darted over the mirror in the hallway then back at the image in his hand. 

Dammit name. Levi says in his head, this boy had his features, his gray eyes, his sharp jaw, the dark hair, those nose all of it, his. He looks at Jean and Connie who are both waiting for an explanation, an explanation that Levi does not have, he does not doubt that this is his kid but he cannot tell them something he didn't even know about. Now he starts to feel stupid, no wonder you were having all of those sick mornings and suddenly started to crave food that you usually had a dislike for, you were pregnant, pregnant with his baby. Another money creeps into his mind...

"Be careful." You say as you watch Levi put the gear on. "Why are these people after you anyway?" He doesn't answer you as he focuses on strapping his gear on the right. "I don't know. All I know is that I have to go above ground to kill that blondie." Blondie? He must be referring to that tall blonde guy, the one you saw last week wearing a dark green cloak with wings of freedom on it. "I am doing this for us. If I get my hands on those papers we can finally go live above ground." He approaches you and wraps his hands around your waist, his eyes locked with yours. "I'll be back." Levi says, taking your face in his hands when he notices your eyes get watery. "When?" Your voice is shaky. "I'll be back." He repeats his words before kissing you passionately.

"We just, never saw you with anyone that way so it was a surprise to see the photo." Jean's voice interrupts Levi's train of thought, he sighs putting the photo on the desk. "There was someone before I joined the Survey Corps....Name." The way your name rolled off his lips after so many years makes it almost painful for Levi, as much as it's hard for him to speak, he continues. "She was someone I met when I was young in the underground, we were together for a long time before I went above ground with Erwin and Miche."

Connie knows that he should let Levi speak but his curiosity gets the best of him. "What happened? Did you not go back for her?" That question hurts Levi, not because he didn't try to go back to you but because he did and when he went back, you weren't there. "I did, so many times. I let myself be stopped by the suffering of my comrades too many times but I did. About two years after writing letters to her and her never responding, I went back and she...was gone. Her stuff was still there, most of it scarred across the floor like someone had broken in. I went back above ground and accepted two options, one that she was either dead, killed by the criminals in the underground or that she parished into the dirty streets and died of illness.....she was feeling ill before I left and of course, it never clicked in my mind that she was pregnant with my child."

Jean and Connie listen as Levi talks, even they can feel the dread and longing from his voice. "So I left it. Buried it deep in me with only memories of her to hold. But this.." He takes a photo of his son in his hand again, he closes his eyes for a moment trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. "Changes everything. Do you know more about him? His name?" They shake their heads, maybe Historia did tell them a name but they were too in shock from seeing the photo to react. "I think Queen Historia would be welcome to speak with you over the telephone, the problem is it's hard to reach her."

"No." Levi says. "I will speak to her personally, I need to know more." It was a sentence Levi didn't think he would ever say, going back to a place that considers him a traitor. His son may be one of those people for all he knows, he did grow up on Paradis but he has faith in you, that you told him about his father. He would understand if you didn't too, you had every right to after how he left. "Are you sure that's smart? People on Paradis are rather hostile with former members of the survey corps." They were telling Levi what he already knew, he reads the newspapers and listens to the radio, he knows better than anyone the injustice the new regiment does to him and his fallen friends and comrades however, it's his son, his flesh and blood. As much he wishes that he was strong enough to let it go, he can't, even if you remarried, even if you forgot him, he had to see you again, to meet his he didn't know even existed until about thirty minutes ago.

"I know and it probably isn't smart. That won't stop me, now that I know about him...I can't let it go."

---------------------------------------------------

Levi can't move, it's like he is stuck in one place. He holds onto his cane as he watches from afar, his breath hitches in his throat. His son is just a few steps away but it's like something is holding Levi back as just stands there, looking at him. Regret starts to creep in again, he was 16, and Levi has missed so much of his life, he missed his first steps, his first words, his first day of school. Leo, that was his name, Armin told him when he came to Paradis.

It has changed a lot, there are a lot of familiar places but yet they seem so foreign, he can see his comrades in every corner, hear their laughter. He can see himself in Leo as he trains, very clearly skilled and fast. Levi wanted nothing more than to talk to him, what would he say if he does? He was 41 years old now, will his son hear him out? Does he ever know about him?

There's a loud whistle suggesting that the training is over, Levi's eyes follow Leo as he walks over to the bench and drinks some water. It's like looking in a mirror a few years back, they looked so much alike, it wouldn't take anyone who knew Levi personally to figure out who Leo was. Levi looks away for a moment thinking to himself. If he goes over there and talks to him, he will figure out everything. What happened to you, he would hear his son talk, get to know him if he lets him to.

Instead, Levi turns around, he gulps, trying to surpass the tears in his eyes. Or maybe it's better that his son doesn't get to know him, that you don't see him again. Maybe Levi isn't as strong as he thought he was, he looks back and sees that Leo is talking to his peers, clearly enjoying the company of his friends. That makes Levi smile slightly, he seems like a good guy, he didn't expect otherwise, you raised him. Levi was about to call out but then he sees someone approach Leo again, this time he knows who it is, it was you.

Levi's eyes go wide and he moves a little closer, not enough for you two to see him but enough for him to hear your conversation. "Hey ma." Leo smiles at you as you sit next to him. "Here you go, now remember to return the basket after you're done." Levi watches as Leo takes a look at the basket, his hands going through it. "Ma, I told you not to bake. I can't have too much sweets in my diet." Despite his words, he takes a bite out of a cookie, Levi knows himself how good of a cook you are, he can almost taste the flavor in his mouth.

You were stunning, you matured and Levi couldn't find you more beautiful. He is happy for you, happy that his son has so much respect and love for you. Leo finishes the cookie and then takes the basket from you, his mouth full of food. "Leo, slow down." You scold, putting your hands on your hips. "Sorry ma, missed your cooking." There's something that you feel on your back, like someone is looking at you from afar and what's worse is that it feels like deja vu, like you have felt that type of stare before.

You turn around and Levi is quick to hide behind a wall, he sees that you keep looking for a couple of minutes. "Ma? Is everything okay?" Leo asks his mother, trying to see what she is looking at. "Yes, it's all fine...I just felt someone looking at me is all." You turn back to face your son and Levi finally sums up the courage, he comes around the corner slightly and starts walking towards you until....

"So ma, how is dad doing?" That stops Levi in his tracks, dad? But he...he was- "He is doing good and remember that next time he will be the one visiting so try to act more.... Like a soldier." Leo rolls his eyes at that. "Like hell I will, I am the most skilled one here, it's not like I can't act human just because I have duties to attend." Levi hears the words, unlike him, Leo is putting the people dear to him over duty. You laugh a little and then pinch Leo on the cheek. "Alright now, don't be rude to dad he cares for you."

It was like a dagger to Levi, you did move on, and you did forget him. He turns around not wanting to listen to that conversation anymore, it was killing him inside. His son...doesn't even know about him. If only he knew, if he visited you earlier all those years ago. If only he stayed...while you would've been in the underground, you would've been together and he would have a son that knew him.

-------------------------------------------------- Taglist: @youre-ackermine @the-milk-anon @humanitys-strongest-bamf @romantichomicide95 @mrsackermannx @sixpennydame @svftackerman @hhighkey @cometlevi @notgoodforlife @levisbrat25 @randomlevithoughts @ackermendick @saenora @loveackermannn @levismylover @laurenzitaa @missyasma @sad-darksoul @thebobaprincess @la-undercover-latina @levilxvr @bpdtistic

[lizzy06]

Monoma Neito x Reader Fics Recs!! (Tumblr/Ao3/Wattpad)

My Hero Academia Fic Rec Masterlist

Fake-Dating Trope with Monoma Neito ��✨by @dira333 /Fogfire(oneshot, fake dating, teaspoon of angst but happy ending)Monoma isn't the best at pretending. But he's good at showing off. [COMPLETED]

Soapsuds✨ by MajesticianWaffle (oneshot, fluff, humor)Reader throws Monoma outside a window and really, it all snowballs from there.[COMPLETED]

pretentious✨ by quirkfics(oneshot, kinda enemies to lovers, end is smutty)There had to be thousands of other people sporting the same thing, but as far as you know, you’re the only one whose ever been openly mocked by a pro hero for wearing it. In front of a live newscaster, no less.[COMPLETED]

It's Just a Kiss ✨by @amaiwrites (oneshot, fluff) Monoma… is broke. That is, until, he starts working part time in Recovery Girl’s office by copying her quirk. It’s all going well until a certain someone shows up with injuries that need to be healed… <apparently pt.2 of this is gonna come out soon>[COMPLETED]

Flustered by orphan_account (oneshot, fluff, suggestive ending) Monoma can't take what he dishes out when it comes to compliments from his love.[COMPLETED]

For Once ✨by im_cal (oneshot, fluff) For once, I thought what was it in you that I liked? [COMPLETED]

You Brat ✨by @knifeewifee (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff) The first words your soulmate say's to you are tattooed on your skin.[COMPLETED]

Choices by @bnhascribbles (oneshot, kinda sad for some reason)In some lifetimes, there are deals you can’t pass on. [COMPLETED]

Coffee Shop Spite by kuronekoqueen (oneshot, enemies to lovers, coffee shop au, co-workers, smut)Without fail, Neito Monoma always seemed to know the correct buttons to push irritate the life out of you. What happens when you finally reach your breaking point with him?[COMPLETED]

Hallow's Eve ✨by liquid_dreams (naga prince! neito, detailed smut, fluff) 'Hey, wanna host this year's Halloween party? Mina's appartment flooded, so she can't host after all.' (-or where you summon a naga prince)[COMPLETED]

Picnic ✨by tater_tati(oneshot, fluff)Monoma + cute picnic date.[COMPLETED]

at your door by fictionpls (oneshot, enemies to lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship) monoma shows up at your doorstep battered and beat; you let him into your warm home and begrudgingly help him back to health.[COMPLETED]

Of Rivals & Summer Love by Veles (mortedeveles)(rivals to friends to lovers, idiots in lover, fluff, humor, normal high school au) Monoma Neito and you had always been rivals, nothing more, and nothing less. However, with the prospect of a memorable school summer trip coming up, friendship and romance in the air, and teenage drama weaving through crowd, your relationship with the blonde begins to change in an unimaginable direction.[COMPLETED]

Pretty Much Like the Kazoo Kid by CmlSan (oneshot, rivals to locers, fluff, mutual pinning)Monoma sucks at flirting. So do you.[COMPLETED]

Something You Never Knew✨ by @jinkicake (oneshot, friends to lovers, slight angst)You wished someone loved you the way you love Monoma.[COMPLETED]

Kami✨ by im_cal(oneshot, historical au, angst)Beautiful moments do not seem to always last.

[kalki-tarot]

PAC - WHY SHOULD YOU FOCUS ON YOURSELF INSTEAD OF YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE RIGHT NOW ?

Just meditate and ask your guides/higher power to provide you insight.

Allow me to tap into your energy. 🧿

My readings are always honest and I don't sugarcoat things, pls read at your own risk. And try to have an open mind. 🙏🧿💕

Pile 1

Cards - 7 of wands, 6 of pentacles, 8 of wands

Are you in a hurry to meet them? Your future spouse? You are rushing things and trying to get ahead of your circumstances or the present reality. You know what pile 1? You still have a lot of parts unhealed of your soul. And this is not allowing you to fly freely as you should. You may feel like your fears are greater than you, but trust me they are not. You have all the power over your fears!

In the hurry of meeting them, you are forgetting your own self. You need to love yourself first before loving someone else. You should give yourself more time to think and process things. You should try to ground yourself in the present. Try to do root chakra and sacral chakra healing. Your fears have created some energy blocks which aren't helping you at all.

Don't worry, your desire of wanting to meet the one for you is being addressed by the universe. You will get what you want. But you need to heal yourself first. Clear your karma and self doubts.

Pile 2

Cards - 10 of pentacles, 7 of cups, 4 of pentacles

Pile 2 my loves, are going through a spiritual transformation or awakening right now. You can't miss any steps in the journey right? Please focus on healing yourself more.

Okay, so I can see that you are trying to manifest love and abundance in your life or you are just dreaming and visualizing about it. Let me tell you this one thing, that it definitely is working in your favour but you also need to break the walls of protection that surround you. You are scared to go outside and meet new people. Dear, please understand that you need to get out of your dreams and delusions and actually step out of your comfort zone to meet your future spouse.

Your future spouse on the other hand are too trying to heal their inner child wounds. They are saying that you need to get stable in life. You lack grounded energy and are underconfident about a lot of things. Please try to let go of any insecurities that surround you. Because they are hampering your growth, pile 2.

Pile 3

Cards : Temperance, 7 of wands, 5 of cups

Do you have this tendency to get depressed whenever you don't get any messages from the pick a card readings of? Don't be dependent for love on anyone, not even your future spouse. Love them, but stay away from unhealthy attachments. The reason of their no communication is because they are busy. They are working hard in their career right now. And you too should now focus on your career and goals.

Everything is well when taken in moderation. Balance love and career both logically and like a healthy human being please. You also have this tendency to run away from problems or sadness and indulge yourself in overworking don't do that.

Some of you could be in same sex relationships and you are thinking that things won't work out. Well, things would work out if you make them work out. Try to take bold decisions and stand for that decision.

Don't look back at the past, this is the final step to meet your fs. Just keep going.

Pile 4

Cards : Strength, 9 of cups, 4 of swords

You lack compassion for your own self. You are someone who gives everything to others but feels bad for giving it to yourself. You may connect well with plants and animals or just nature in general. Try to work on your self worth and don't critisize yourself too much.

You have many things to deal with right now. You have many parts unhealed. Try to relax and rejuvenate more physically as well as mentally and spiritually. It'll be good for your overall well being. Try to play with pets or just stroll in nature for sometime to refresh your mind.

You feel like there's so much competition somehow (?) And try to give yourself small rewards for accomplishing tasks. Try to celebrate your small successes please. You need to celebrate yourself more in order to attract the right partner for yourself.

You need to be in the energy of self love and good self worth to attract good partners who emit the same frequency. Do you understand? Lots of love to you.

[kradogsrats]

Now we know What Viren Did(tm), and...

My personal side-eye aside, that denouement is actually an incredibly elegant application of the story's themes, within the scope of restrictions imposed by this particular medium (i.e. a cartoon targeted for pre-teens and younger). Like, I personally assumed for a long time that we would simply never find out the details, because it would be either too grim and/or violent for the story's intended rating or... kind of a let-down. On the surface, what we got seems like the second.

Most of us have looked at Claudia killing the baby deer to heal Soren's paralysis and went "well, it was obviously that, but y'know... worse, somehow," which is a completely reasonable assumption to make. It was definitely what was narratively implied, which makes the supposedly-damning ingredient being "your mother's tears" instead of like... idk, "your mother was pregnant again and I used the life of that unborn child to save you" or something kind of "... oh. Okay, then."

To be fair, that might also be why they went so hard in the IMO inadvisable male-dominated writer room direction of "so I held her down and took what I wanted" to convey the requisite "he's doing A Bad," which is what all my side-eye is toward. But here's the thing:

On some level, dark magic is about violation—of nature, of others, and of the self. Even violation by Aaravos, ultimately.

But it's also not just that.

Dark magic also sits at the center of one of the primary themes of the whole story, which is the evil of denying others' personhood. We see it again and again from the angle of the heroic cast: "You keep calling it a monster," "You knew he was a person, just like you," "She's not 'the elf.' She's Rayla." The evil they do not allow to take root is seeing people as things, the place where all other evils begin. (GNU Terry Pratchett, IYKYK.)

So Viren's damning crime, the crime that is dark magic, is this:

In that moment, he looks at his wife, and sees only a source of what he needs. One that he can take from as he wills. That's why Lissa leaves—Viren has pulled the circle he draws around "people" versus "abstractions, things to be used" in so tightly that she has found herself suddenly on the outside of it. That's not something you come back from, in a relationship.

As for it all being over something as innocent as Lissa's tears, as opposed to something like her blood, her unborn child, her heart, her last breath—that's also, I think, part of the point. It's a renewable resource, harvested without doing permanent physical harm, but it's still a violation of her. This is the ultimate refutation of the "but what if ethically-sourced phoenix feathers" argument as being, for the final time, bullshit.

When Viren bursts in looking like he walked straight out of hell and demands use of her tears, could Lissa have given them freely? Sure... but she didn't. Could he have talked her around, if he invested the time and respect for her that would require? Probably, but again, he didn't! He took what he'd decided was necessary, did what he decided he had to do, because he could.

And like, he knew, even then. Because while dark magic twists your perceptions and reasoning, dragging you deeper each time—it can't twist you so much that you no longer have a choice. It will do everything it can to make you rationalize making that choice, over and over, but it can't erase that it is a choice.

Like, I'm honestly kind of emotional about it because while the surface level watching experience is kind of hmmmmm, it delivers so well on a thematic and meta level that I'm just like idk. Fuck. It's good.

[endlessthxxghts]

Main masterlist | reblogs don’t update, click here for current

Last updated: 12 August 2024

— More than 2k words —

What You Need - a oneshot collection Last updated 16 November 2023. More coming soon. -> Age gap; BDSM dynamics; established relationship. See collection list for more details.

You Better Jump… [2 part series] You wake up after a drunk night out to the lock on your apartment door broken. The neighbor who lives in the same apartment complex offers to fix it for you. How will you ever repay him? -> part 1 [2.5k] || part 2 [9k]

Dr. Miller (mini-series masterlist) You’ve been dealing with a pain in your hip for a few weeks now, and it’s time you visit a specialist to see what’s going on.

Animals Joel randomly calls you and tells you to meet him outside. Your parents are home though, and you can't necessarily tell them that Joel, your father's best friend, is asking you to go with him somewhere. Do you give a little white lie and leave, or do you wait until it's safer? [2.5k]

Joel Nye, The Science Guy Joel stumbles across an article online about the effects of coffee on the body. Determined to uncover the truth, he tests the hypothesis with you as his subject. [4.6k]

Do You Like It Here? Joel contemplates shaving his beard. You are absolutely against that idea, and he makes you explain why. [2k]

Breakfast Your usual Saturday morning routine with your husband takes a turn, for the better. [2k]

Best I Ever Had Someone tries to hit on you on your night out with Joel, insulting your man in the process, and oh you don't like that. You blow off some steam in more ways than one. [2.3k]

Biology **most recent** Joel hurt his back at work, so you've been helping him around the house until he heals. [5.4k]

— Less than 2k —

745 horny words about daddy dom!joel

Lay Off The Flannels Joel gets handsy while your father temporarily steps away. [1.3k]

Thankful You're trying to prep for Thanksgiving dinner when Joel asks if he can pull you away for a minute. [1.8k]

Forget You're stressed, sad, and every painful emotion you can think of. Joel comes home, and you give him only one option in how he can comfort you. [less than 1k]

Use Me You tell Joel he can use you in an unconventional way. Will he take you up on your offer? [1.2k]

For Your Safety Your bladder forces you to disrupt your make out session with your boyfriend. Joel seeks out a different way to relieve you. [1.8k]

Just One You’re still worked up even though Joel’s tapped out for the night. Maybe you need a kiss to satisfy you—a simple, sweet kiss. Right? [less than 1k]

[heavyhitterheaux]

Flowers

Based off the song by Miley Cyrus

AN: the wait is finally over!

Synopsis: You have been in a committed relationship with Jack for over a year, but since the two of you have released this information to the world, your jealous ex can't help but to wonder if you can find it in your heart to give him a second chance

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader, Former Joe Burrow x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

It was becoming light outside when you were awakened by Jack placing several kisses all over your face and a smile couldn't help but to break out as you opened your eyes to look at him.

“Good morning my beautiful fiancée.” You heard him say and listened to his morning voice that you loved so much.

“Good morning my love.”

“What do you have planned for today?” He asked as he proceeded to lay on his back as you moved so that your head was on his chest as he started to draw small circles along your back.

“I have a fitting with Margot Robbie and that’s about it. I might go out with Briana, Emma, and Naomi later if I'm feeling up to it. What about you?” You asked as you reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Probably just go to the studio, I shouldn’t be gone long. I have some things I want to work on.”

His answer immediately led to you rolling your eyes and you stifled a laugh as Jack looked at you curiously.

“What? What was that for?"

“Now you know good and well that when you say you’ll be at the studio and won’t be gone long that it really means 3 am and for me not to wait up for you.”

“Babe! I promise it won’t be 3 am this time! I was in the zone and didn’t want to mess that up.”

“I get it, I get it. But if this happens tonight, please tell me and not have me worrying about you. Last time you almost gave me a heart attack thinking that something was wrong.”

“I’m sorry and I promise to. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again. I… know how your trust issues are. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me and I don’t want to start now.”

“I love you.” You told him as you pinched his cheek making him smile.

“I love you too.” Jack swiftly answered as he leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m about to go get ready, you want to join me?”

“As tempting as that sounds, you know for a fact that you won’t make it to the studio any time soon. And you getting back at 3 am will probably be 5 am."

“I-... good point.”

“I’ll probably just go back to sleep, the fitting isn’t until later anyway.”

"Oh, I wore you out last night?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't start."

"What? I was just asking!"

"Bye, Jackman and go get ready." You replied while laughing and lightly pushed him so he could get up.

Jack simply nodded as he moved from behind you and got up to make his way into the bathroom.

"Don't worry, you'll get this work later." You heard him yell from the bathroom and you immediately rolled your eyes as you let out a small laugh.

You had grabbed your phone off of the nightstand and you were completely caught off guard from one of your notifications from instagram.

1 New Message

Joeyb_9: Y/N, can we meet up and talk? I miss you

You felt your anxiety as well as your heart rate increase as you read the message. There was no way in the world that you were going to reopen a wound that you had healed from.

After the intense break up from your superstar NFL boyfriend, Joe Burrow, you swore that you would never put yourself in such a vulnerable position again.

The cheating, the lying, him sneaking behind your back was a thing of the past and you didn't plan on going back.

So, he had another thing coming if he thought that you were ever going to give him the time of day.

One thing that he always did every week was buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers no matter if you were with him or not. You soon came to the conclusion that you could buy yourself your own flowers and didn't need a man to do that after seeing how he acted towards you.

Especially one that stopped buying them for you after the first year of your relationship and only bought you them with an expensive piece of jewelry because he had cheated again and would do anything in order for you to take him back.

"Baby, it won't happen again, I promise."

So you did give him another chance and once again he blew it. You should have learned your lesson the first time, but Joe being a sweet talker reeled you back in.

You blocked his number, blocked him on social media, and made sure that he gave you back your key to your condo.

A condo that he had bought but at this rate, you deserved to keep it.

You were content with being the rich auntie who got to travel the world and would bring back expensive gifts for everyone while dressing celebrities in your latest designs.

That was until you were asked to style your now fiancé Jack Harlow for The Grammys in 2022. The first time the two of you met, it was as if there was no one else in the room since your eyes never left each other.

You had heard of him and was quite a big fan, so obviously you were excited. Being Joe Burrow's girlfriend did have its perks. Once he got to the NFL and he knew how you wanted to be a designer, you would style him for events and that moved to his teammates, their significant others, and then onto other celebrities.

Jack had heard of you since you had styled Drake for an event before and he had highly recommended you. He took him up on his suggestion and soon found himself the woman that he wanted to marry.

It was hard to break into this industry and the one thing you could thank Joe for was helping you do it. You wanted to not be seen just as his girlfriend and known for your work so your relationship was kept low key. This made it easier for when you did break off things with him not having people follow your every move.

Except, Joe did follow your every move waiting for the right opportunity to present itself so that he could work his magic and his charm on you in the hopes of winning you back.

However, you weren't falling for this shit again because you had moved on and found someone ten times better.

You recalled the last time he had cheated and presented you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers which you immediately grabbed and put it in the trash can as he watched the scene unfold in front of him and told him that you didn’t need a man for shit including buying you flowers. That was the last time you had talked to him and it was over two years ago.

From that point on, you bought your favorite flowers for yourself and once Jack caught on to this, he quickly took over once he had heard your reasoning behind it.

You remember him telling you that you deserved to get as many flowers as you want from someone who loves and appreciates you and you remember your breath hitching in your throat. That was the first time that he told you that he loved you and has kept his word ever since.

What you didn't plan on was becoming Jack's girlfriend and now fiancée and Joe getting the sudden realization that he wanted you back.

All because you and Jack had gone public with your relationship not even 72 hours ago and you had a feeling that he saw it. The two of you had kept it quiet for the entire time that you had been dating, but once he put that huge ass ring on your finger, you wanted to share it with the world.

You had only blocked him from your personal account and not the one for your fashion line so of course that came with you muttering "Fuck" under your breath and shaking your head.

Jack had come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and had heard you so he was immediately concerned.

"Baby? You okay?"

"Um… "

"What's wrong?"

Not wanting to hide anything from Jack, you quickly shoved your phone into his hand showing him the message and his eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused.

"Why is Joe Burrow sending you messages on instagram?"

"Remember that ex who cheated on me multiple times but still expected me to take him back?"

"Don't tell me…." Jack said as he looked back up at you.

"That's him."

"And it's his fucking loss. You're mine now so he can go throw footballs and fuck off somewhere."

Jack handed you back your phone and you immediately blocked him, not even bothering to respond. He should have known better, you finally had someone who respected and cared for you and you for damn sure wasn't going to go back to him.

"He better get the message loud and clear too. No one told him to treat you like shit. Why did you never mention that it was him?"

"I'd rather not dwell on him treating me like that when I have someone that is a million times better in front of me." You said being completely honest and Jack simply smiled at you before leaning down to kiss you.

"This is forever and I don't give a fuck who doesn't like it or who doesn't agree. You're mine and I'm yours. Besides, can he fight?"

"I-... Jack he is a little taller than you and the most he could probably do is try to throw a dumbbell to hit you."

"Oh, so I have a chance to take him?"

"Well….. um…. you're my future husband and I'm going to stick beside you."

"In other words, no and you'll still love me even if he kicks my ass?"

"Correct, babe. But… he can't fight either."

"Woooooooow, zero confidence in me." Jack responded while shaking his head at you while you were trying not to laugh.

"Did I tell you that I love you and that I'll bring you food later at the studio?" You replied while batting your eyelashes at him.

"Don't try and butter me up now."

"Well I'll tell you again. I love you, baby. Now go get dressed."

"I might have to skip the studio and add an extra gym day instead. How much can he bench press?"

Before going to the fitting with Margot, you cleaned up around your shared house with Jack in the hopes of getting what had happened this morning out of your head. He had the absolute nerve to think that you would even give him the time of day.

You quickly sent a message to your three best friends Briana, Emma, and Naomi telling them you wanted to meet for a late lunch after the fitting and if they were free.

All three of them quickly said yes and you couldn't wait to tell them what Joe had pulled. Next thing you know Ja'Marr was about to be in your DM's and you would simply tell him to fuck off since he knew what Joe was doing behind your back, but would simply smile in your face and act like nothing was happening. He got cut off right along with him when you finally decided to do it.

There all four of you were sharing a plate of fried calamari and you had just finished telling them what had happened earlier that morning.

"Ew, are you serious? He has got some fucking nerve." Emma said before taking a sip of her drink and looking at you in disbelief.

"Same thing I said."

"Did you tell Jack?"

"Of course I did. The last thing I ever want to do is keep something from him." You replied while dipping your piece of calamari in the sauce that it came with.

"Well maybe you should hear him out." The entire table had gone silent as all of you looked over at Briana in disbelief.

"Uh? Come again?" Naomi was the first person to break the silence.

"Just hear what he has to say." She replied while shrugging and you simply rolled your eyes.

"So she's supposed to listen to the person who cheated on her multiple times and still did it after she forgave him?" Emma asked while not believing what she was hearing.

"Maybe he's changed."

"I highly doubt it and why would I even entertain this when I have an amazing fiancé who treats me like I'm supposed to be treated? Bri, since you want to hear him out so bad you go and give him a chance."

"I was just saying that maybe you should keep your options open."

"Girl, what the hell is wrong with you today? Where is the Briana that wanted to fight Joe every time this happened and would beg me to leave him?" You asked as you looked at her confused.

"I just think it couldn't hurt."

"Well if I ever decide to do it, I'm bringing Jack with me."

"Okay moving on. So, do we have a wedding date? Venue? Flowers? Maid of honor?" Naomi asked as she batted her eyelashes and was grilling you left and right while all you could do was laugh.

"We literally just got engaged this week!" You answered while smiling at her.

"And is that supposed to mean something?! We all knew from the first time you two met that this would be forever. I'm just so happy for you and Jack is the entire package. I love the way he loves you. You deserve this after how that asshole treated you. But just let Jack know if he steps a toe out of line, I'll cut his dick off." Emma said while still looking over the menu trying to decide what she was going to get for her dessert later.

"He means so much to me and I'm happy that I have him. I literally can go to him for anything and it seems that he always knows what to say in order to make me feel better. I love that man with my whole heart."

"Not you making me want to get married." Naomi said while laughing and you simply eyed her.

"I can always put in a word for you for Urban." You responded and you could immediately tell her cheeks were heating up.

"Just make sure at the wedding, we get paired together."

"Say less."

—

Joe let out a sigh and Ja’Marr immediately looked over at him and asked what was wrong.

"She blocked me again.”

“Are we….. surprised? I mean look how you acted towards her.” He quickly answered and Joe instantly had a look of annoyance on his face.

“This time will be different. I just need her to forgive me one more time.”

“Now… you cannot be serious. You cheated on her how many times? And not even including the times you didn’t tell her about.”

“I just wasn’t thinking straight, but now I am.”

“Now that she’s about to be a whole married woman, suddenly you grew up and matured? You literally haven’t mentioned anything about her until I sent you that pic on instagram with the two of them.”

“He doesn’t deserve her.”

Ja’Marr immediately rolled his eyes.

“Oh, and you do? When you treated her like absolute shit. You my boy so obviously I didn’t tell her in the hopes that you would get your shit together, but that clearly didn’t work out. Like Y/N would have done anything for you.”

“I just need to talk to her in person, I’m sure that I can change her mind.”

“Delusional much?”

“Will you just back me up on this?!”

“Back you up on what? Stupidity?” Ja’Marr answered, but Joe was clearly on a mission and would not let this go easily. You were his girl through and through and he was about to do anything he can in order to be able to get you back.

“You’ll see, she’s going to take me back.”

All Ja’Marr did was roll his eyes in response.

“Hmm, good luck with that. But don’t call me crying when she tells you no.”

“I won’t have to because she’s not going to.”

From that point on, it was the middle of the summer so since training camp hadn’t started yet, Joe was making you his full-time mission. He knew that because of you now being engaged to Jack, more than likely you were spending the majority of your time in Louisville so that is where he decided to go first.

He figured that if he could find you anywhere that it would be at your boutique.

Once he walked in, he immediately saw Emma who he knew was one of your best friends and she immediately sent a death glare in his direction and her eyes wouldn’t leave his. The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene, but she just couldn’t help herself and blurted it out.

“What the actual fuck are you doing here? She’s not here and doesn’t want to see you and you need to leave before I call security.”

“Relax Emma, I come in peace.” Joe answered with his hands up in defense, but she wasn’t having it.

“And you will leave here in pieces if you don’t get the fuck on somewhere. She doesn’t want you anymore. She’s finally happy and I for damn sure am not going to let you mess anything up for her.”

“I just can’t come by to say hi?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. You might have everyone else fooled, but not me because I know how you truly are out of the spotlight. Stay away from her or I will not hesitate to tell Jack and he isn’t going to be happy.”

“I see I’ve caught you at a bad time, but I’ll be back to talk to my girl.”

“Burrow, go fuck yourself.”

When Joe had finally left the boutique, Emma immediately called you.

“Hey boo!”

“Babe! Don’t come back to the boutique for the rest of the day. Go bother Jack or something.”

“What the? What’s wrong?”

“Joe was here looking for you and I kicked him out. He needs to get a fucking grip because ain’t no way in hell you’re about to take him back. I had to mention that I was going to tell Jack in order for him to leave.”

“I….”

“Just… go spend time with Jack. I got this covered, go wedding plan or something.”

Once you had gotten off the phone, you were visibly upset and needed to get your mind off of things. You were going to take her advice and go home and try to spend time with Jack because at this point, you didn’t know what to do.

You had thrown the different fabrics in the backseat of your car before going to sit in the front and dialed Jack’s number. You sped out of the parking lot in the direction of your shared house not believing that he had the absolute nerve to do this.

It didn’t even ring two times, before you heard his voice.

“Yes, my future wife? What’s up, baby?”

“Can you… can you come home?” You quietly asked and you already knew that Jack was not going to let this go without knowing what was wrong with you.

“Of course, baby. Did something happen? I can hear it in your voice. I know when something is wrong with you.”

“Umm…..”

“Don’t start that, tell me.”

“Joe showed up at the boutique looking for me and Emma called and told me.”

“He WHAT?” Jack’s voice instantly got louder and stopped what he was doing.

“I… don’t want you to get upset.”

“How can I not be? What the hell is his problem? You don’t respond to his DM and now he comes here looking for you? He needs to stay the fuck away. Nah, now he got me pissed off.”

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not, but protecting you is my main priority.”

“Can you just come home? I don't even want to think about this anymore.”

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

As promised, within fifteen minutes you heard the front door open indicating that Jack was now home. You were simply sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket burrito as you flipped through Disney Plus in order to find something to watch. Jack walked over to you and leaned down to kiss your forehead as you popped your arms out from underneath the blanket to hug him.

“You pick the movie and I'll order food. What do you have a taste for?”

“Hmm Italian please.”

“Coming right up.”

“I'm sorry to take you away from what you were doing, I should have just waited until you got home.” You quietly said as you thought about it.

“No, work can wait. If my baby needs me, she needs me and I'm going to make sure she's okay.” He told you as he stroked your face and you simply nodded.

“What do you think he even wants?” He asked as he placed his phone on the coffee table and sat next to you.

“To talk to me to get me to forgive him. It's always the same thing every time. He thinks that an expensive piece of jewelry and flowers are all that he needs to change my mind. At one point in time that might have worked, but not now.”

A week or so had passed without incident, but you were in for a surprise while you were at your boutique finishing up some sketches when you got a bouquet of flowers delivered.

You smiled at first thinking that they were from Jack and quickly went to facetime him without bothering to read the note attached to them.

“Hey pretty girl.” Jack said and he looked to be eating with Urban beside him.

“Hey handsome. Thank you for my flowers, they're so pretty.” You exclaimed as you switched the camera to show him.

Jack instantly got quiet and stopped chewing as he stared at them and let out a sigh. He instantly looked pissed off. You were confused and looked at him dumbfounded.

“I didn't send you those.”

“Wait, what? But they're my favorite. How….” You trailed off as you grabbed the note that was in the bouquet and looked at it in utter disgust as you saw Joe’s handwriting staring back at you. Without finishing the note, you promptly grabbed the bouquet and walked over to the trash can, throwing it in there before responding to Jack.

“Why doesn't he understand that I’m never going to give him another chance and that he is just simply wasting his time?” You quietly said and Jack had yet to say anything. From the moment you realized that he didn't send them, he instantly knew who did.

“I don't know, but this is really starting to piss me off.”

"I think that I just need to have a conversation with him. Even though I know that the last thing you want is for me to be around him, but it's the best idea I have."

"I was thinking restraining order, but okay."

"I don't even want to think about this anymore. We have other things to worry about, like what we're wearing to Michael's party."

yourinstagramname added to their story

The two of you showed up to the party together and were mingling with the other guests when you had told Jack that you were going to get another drink. He simply nodded at you and continued to talk to Druski. You made your way inside and refilled your glass when you felt a presence behind you. You silently cursed to yourself once you had gotten a whiff of the familiar cologne that you never wanted to smell again for as long as you lived because of the person that you knew it was attached to.

That wasn't your fiancé, but your ex-boyfriend who you did not know would be in attendance. If you would have known that he was going to be here, you would have stayed cuddled up under Jack at your hotel and not even bother to show up.

“I knew we'd cross paths sooner or later.” You heard Joe say before you turned around to look at him.

“And you can keep walking because I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”

“Come on Y/N, don't be like that. I just want to talk. Just give me one more chance. I should have been the one to put that ring on your finger, not him.”

"You blew the multiple chances that I gave you so what makes you think you deserve another one? Do you think I'm really stupid enough to take you back after all that?” You asked as you looked at him in disbelief.

"I love you, doesn't that mean anything?!"

"No and no you're not. Not when I'm in love with my fiancé and you're in love with the idea of me. Someone you can have on your arm for everyone to see, but treat me like shit from behind the scenes. Face it, you blew it and whatever this was at one time is officially over and never happening again.”

Joe didn't get to respond to you because he saw Jack approaching from behind and promptly wrapped his arms around you before turning your face to kiss you.

“Everything okay over here?” Jack asked as he made eye contact with Joe before looking him up and down.

Joe hadn't been sure if you had told Jack all that had gone down between the two of you, but clearly because of the look on his face, it was obvious.

“Yep, just fine. Got my drink and I was just about to come and find you.” You answered as you smiled at him.

“Teyana was looking for you. She's out by the pool.” He told you as he nudged you in that direction.

You just prayed that this didn't end in a fight between the two of them.

“Well that's my cue to make my way out there.” Was all you said before leaving your ex in the presence of your fiancé.

Once you were out of earshot, Jack turned to Joe and didn't hold back on how he felt about him contacting you when the only thing you wanted was for him to leave you alone.

“I just want you to listen to me and listen to me good. There's literally no need for you to say anything or respond when I'm finished. You fucked up and you lost your chance or should I say chances with her. Y/N is now going to be my wife and the last thing she needs is her ex-boyfriend lurking in the shadows because he has a sudden realization of wanting that old thing back all because you're jealous because now she's happy and with someone who isn't you. While you two were together, you broke her trust and if you honestly think that she was going to give you another chance is wild. So take this as a warning to stay away from her and we won't have any problems. The place of her soon to be husband is spoken for, okay Joe? Good talk.”

It was quiet for a few seconds and as Jack turned to walk away from him, he heard his voice.

“I like you, Jack. I really do, but sooner or later she'll realize the mistake she's making.”

“Only mistake she made when it came to you was staying with you for so long. Don't worry, I'll send you wedding pictures.”

Jack hadn't bothered to bring up what happened between him and Joe for the rest of the party, but you were itching to know. You didn't see him for the rest of it, however you did see Ja’Marr and it looked like he was trying to make his way over to you, but he noticed the death glare that you were giving him and decided against it.

You and Jack had now just gotten back to your hotel room and had gotten settled for the night when you brought it up. He was scrolling on his phone, but could feel you looking at him.

“Yes, baby?”

“What did you say to him? Because I know you don't like confrontation, but I know you were pissed about the entire thing.”

“I just let him know to leave you alone, that's all.” Jack answered as he shrugged and you weren't entirely convinced.

“You threatened him, didn't you?”

“Threat is a very strong word, baby. I make promises. He shouldn't be a problem anymore, but if he is, you need to tell me. I'm the only man that is buying you flowers.”

___

About another three weeks had passed and you were currently at your boutique, but also wedding planning when you got small breaks in between clients. You had gotten some wedding magazines and let Jack know that you wanted his opinion so the two of you could move forward with the process.

Of course he had told you that he would be at the studio majority of the day and simply asked Briana to drop them off for you so you didn't have to leave the boutique.

“Bri, can you drop something off to Jack for me? He already knows that you're coming to meet him.” You asked her over the phone and that's when the wheels in her head started turning.

“Yeah, sure what is it?”

“Just a few wedding magazines and he was going to tell me any ideas he had later when we both got home.”

“Not a problem, I'll be there in 20.”

Once Briana got to the studio, Jack was already on facetime with you and the woman at the front let her know where she could find Jack. She made her way down the long hallway and stuck her head in to peek inside the room to see Jack and quickly called out to him.

“Hey Jack, I brought the magazines for you.”

“Oh hey, Briana. Thanks for bringing them. I hope it didn't put you out of your way at all.” He told her as he took the magazines from her hands.

“Not at all, I didn't mind. I had gotten off work early anyway so that's why Y/N asked me.” She told him and he simply nodded, but he was confused at the fact that she was still standing there.

“Uh, Briana? Did you need something else?”

“You know, I was honestly hoping that Y/N would give Joe another chance when she first told me about him sending her a DM.” Briana said and Jack immediately turned up his nose.

“Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I meant so that we could be together and everyone would get their happily ever after.”

“Wait, what? Briana I don't like you like that and I never have and never will. I'm marrying Y/N who is your best friend so I'm going to need for you to stop embarrassing yourself.”

Little did she know that you were hearing this conversation in its entirety.

“What does she have that I don't?”

“I… I am not doing this with you. So you can see yourself out.” Jack told her as he turned away from her, but she quickly tugged on his arm to turn him back around and attempted to kiss him, but he dodged her.

“You have three seconds to get out of my sight. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you can now consider yourself uninvited to the wedding.”

“Jack, she doesn't have to know.”

Just then she heard your voice come through Jack’s phone.

“Too late, because I already do.”

“Oh, um….”

"You and Joe deserve each other with how the two of you act."

As you were listening to the entire exchange on the other end, you were honestly in disbelief. Your best friend who had been your friend for years just tried to get Jack to cheat on you. And now thinking about it, everything now made sense. She started acting weird ever since the two of you got engaged all because you see how she now wanted Jack for herself.

You didn't say another word as you hung up the phone and tried to process everything that had just happened as you sat in your boutique. You only had one client left for the day and then you would be able to go home and think about how you couldn't see what she was trying to do all along.

The phone vibrated in your hand and you looked down to see that Jack was calling you back and you quickly answered.

“I…”

“I know.” He quietly said because you were obviously extremely upset.

“How could she do that to me? My so-called best friend.” You asked him as tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

“Like you said, she and Joe deserve each other. I'm just happy you were on the phone and heard the entire thing. Of course I would have told you anyway, but still.”

“Babe….”

“Yes?”

“I want to elope.”

One week later the two of you were in the Maldives as you were admiring your huge wedding ring gracing your finger.

“You act like it's about to disappear.” Jack teased as he peered over at you.

“Shut up, it's pretty!”

“But you're prettier.”

“Hmm, tell me something I don't know.” You responded and all Jack did was look at you in disbelief.

“Hmm, not the response I was looking for. I thought that I was going to get a thank you.”

“Fine. Thank you, husband.” You told him as you reached up to kiss him before he smiled at you.

“That's more like it.”

“You know I had a thought…” You started to say before stopping mid sentence.

“And what's that thought, baby?”

“When I left him, I thought no one would be able to love me better than he could but you came along and proved me wrong.”

“And you'll never have to question how I feel about you or how important you are to me.”

“And even though I can buy myself flowers, I love them more when they come from you.”

I can buy myself flowers

Write my name in the sand

Talk to myself for hours

Say things you don't understand

I can take myself dancing

And I can hold my own hand

Yeah, I can love me better than you can

[vigilante-3073]

Slice Of Heaven

Logan Howlett x Female Reader

Summary: Logan's happy place.

TW: Pre-established relationship, mentions of death and injury.

Logan had experienced a multitude of pain and suffering in his very long life. It seemed like he moved from one battle to another without any form of respite. He lived his life in a constant state of hypervigilance, never being able to fully relax or rest because he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Logan had a hard time forming relationships and trusting those around him despite his best efforts. A lifetime of betrayal had taught him to be on his guard in every situation and it was exhausting.

Logan knew never to take a good thing at face value and he had never questioned that assertion until he met Y/N.

She was soft, warm and kind. She had no experience with violence and she always saw the best in every situation. Y/N was his polar opposite and Logan couldn't get enough of her.

Some may call her naive, but Logan found her innocence to be endearing. He promised himself that he would protect her and keep her from losing that sparkle that made her shine so brightly. Y/N made Logan appreciate the good things in his life, showing him that no situation is as dark as it may seem.

They shared a small house in the countryside, located almost an hour away from the nearest town. Logan enjoyed the privacy and peace that came from being so far removed from other people.

He took care of the repairs and the yardwork, enjoying the simplicity of monotonous chores opposed to the chaos he usually contended with. Y/N did all of the cooking for the household and she loved to try out new recipes, she even grew her own herbs and vegetables on their property.

Logan had always longed for a simple life of comfort and safety, but he could never bring himself to fully enjoy it. He knew that his past experiences meant that there would always be a part of him that was waiting for everything to come crashing down. Logan didn't have many good things in his life and he had learned that nothing lasted forever. No matter what happened, Logan knew that he would do whatever it took to protect Y/N.

Logan loved her more than life itself and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her.

...

Y/N hummed softly to herself as she chopped up vegetables on a marked up wooden cutting board. She set her knife aside and picked up the cutting board before moving over to the stove. Y/N held the board over a simmering pot of soup, gently sliding the vegetables from the board and into the broth.

Logan watched her work from the doorway, he had been outside doing yardwork all day and he was exhausted. The peace he always found in their home brought him a kind of solace that he never thought he would experience in his lifetime.

Every day he spent with her healed some of the trauma he had endured in his past. Y/N was piecing the broken sections of his heart back together and she had no idea.

Logan moved away from the doorway, slowly approaching her as she peeled some of the carrots from their garden. His hands rested on her hips as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "Smells good in here, baby," He muttered.

"Thank you, honey... Weather is starting to get cold and I thought some soup would be nice," She said.

Logan looked over, eyebrows raising when he saw the loaf of bread cooling on the countertop, "Did you bake bread?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think it turned out pretty well," Y/N said, cutting the stems off her carrots.

"You are amazing. Is there anything you can't do?" Logan asked.

"I can't reach the top shelf in any of the cabinets, but other than that I'd say I'm pretty awesome," Y/N smiled.

"Damn right," Logan chuckled, "Do I have time to shower before dinner is ready?" He questioned.

"Of course. Take all the time you need," Y/N said.

"I'll be quick," Logan said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before stepping away from her.

He washed the sweat and dirt from his body before dressing in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Logan made his way out into the kitchen as Y/N was scooping the soup out into two bowls. A few pieces of bread had been sliced from the loaf and set on a plate in the middle of the table.

She carried both bowls over to the table and set them down before taking her seat. Logan sat down across from her and they began to eat in silence. It was never an uncomfortable silence with Y/N, it was pleasant and reassuring to have each other closeby.

Logan looked up at Y/N, watching her eat the meal that she spent all day preparing. He set his spoon down in the bowl, she looked up at him.

"Do you not like it? I can make you something else," Y/N offered.

"No, baby, it's great. I just- I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate everything you do," Logan said, Y/N smiled.

"I know... I love you too, honey," She replied.

...

Logan stood outside, taking slow puffs from his cigar and blowing the smoke up into the night air. It was quiet, the only sounds coming from the crickets in the grass and the howling of coyotes in the distance. The dew on the grass glittered in the dim moonlight, chilling the wood of the deck that Logan leaned against.

He knocked the ash from the end of his cigar and into the glass ashtray resting on the deck railing next to him. Sleep had never been an easy thing for Logan, he struggled to rest when he was always thinking of what could go wrong.

Logan heard the soft sound of her footsteps through the house before the door squeaked open. Y/N made her way outside, wrapped in his flannel to keep herself warm, "Logan, are you okay?" She asked tiredly.

"Yeah, baby, just couldn't sleep," Logan said, lifting his arm and pulling her into his side gently. He wrapped his arms around her, chin settling on the top of her head as he rubbed his hand over her back to keep her warm.

Her arms slipped around him as she let out a soft sigh, resting her cheek against his chest and listening to the soft thump of his heart.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked.

"No, but I think I could tell that you weren't there," Y/N said.

"Sorry, baby," Logan said, hand running up and down her back.

"You know that you can talk to me if something is bothering you, right?" She questioned.

"I know," He muttered, looking out across their property.

Y/N tilted her head up to look at him, "Is there something bothering you?" She asked.

He huffed a laugh, "No, baby, I just never thought that my life would end up like this after all the shit I've been through," Logan said.

"You deserve to be happy, Logan. You know that, right?" Y/N questioned.

"Yeah, it's just taking me a minute to settle in," Logan said, hand rubbing over her back.

"Do you miss the fighting?" She asked softly.

He shook his head, "No, but I know that I'll have to fight again at some point and I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop," Logan said.

"I'm sorry you feel like that, honey. You should be able to relax and enjoy the life you fought for," Y/N said.

"I'm enjoying every second, trust me... All the shit I've been through makes me realize how quick a good thing can go bad," Logan said.

Y/N rested her head back down on his chest as she silently debated his words. Logan had seen a lot of tragedy in his life and it was a drastic shift to suddenly be living a peaceful life without danger.

Logan looked down at her when he noted her silence, "Hey, where'd you go?" He asked.

She shrugged, "You've just been through so much hardship... Do you ever think you'll be able to fully let that old life go?" Y/N asked.

"I hope so, baby. There is nothing I want more than to be in this with you for as long as you'll have me," Logan said.

Y/N smiled, "How about forever?" She asked.

"I think we can swing that," Logan smirked.

[toast-on-dandelioms]

How would the Batfamily and Venom react to the reader starting to see Superman as a father and having a secret desire to want to live with him and his family?

Ohhh, they would hate it. All of the Batfamily would hate it. Especially Alfred but he would stay silent and just tell Bruce.

Bruce would feel even more horrible since he knows how he treated you, especially with Venom taunting him.

He already feels bad about being a horrible father to you but when he sees you treating Clark, one of his 'enemies', as your father he would feel so much worse.

He would hate to do that but he would manage to make Venom modify your memories or make Clark someone you don't see as a father but a friend.

He also would spend even more time with you, you think that you felt soffucated before? Oh you don't know how much the man is desperate to make up for years of neglect. He would spend almost everyday with you, taking you everywhere and following you if you need the bathroom but would wait outside to 'respect' the last bit of privacy you still had.

He would also slowly manipulate you while you spend time with him, wanting you to see him as your father and not some guy you absolutely loathe. It's a slow process, especially since the hatred you have for anyone who's a Wayne is so deep that even Venom has trouble to change it slowly so you won't notice it.

Dick would be devastated and won't even try to hide that he knows even though Bruce told him to be subtle. He would tackle you on the couch/bed and bawl his eyes out while apologising about being such a horrible brother that you would want to stay with Clark.

God he would be so dramatic and trying to guilt trip you, which backfires with you reminding him of every time he ditched you and called you the wrong name for Damian or Tim.

Which makes him even more desperate to make you stay, even considering breaking your legs even though Venom would heal them.

You would think Jason won't be mad about it and actually support you since he says that he hates Batman but god you were wrong.

He wouldn't hurt you, but would manipulate you in making you stay by doubting your relationship with Clark and making you think he just saw you as another annoying kid.

Jason would be one of the worst ones to find out, he would do everything to stop you from going with Clark.

He can't just let you leave, not when he still didn't make up for the fact that he let another person get ruined because of Bruce.

Tim would resent the kryptonian and make sure to find ways to make Clark visit you, even when he brings his sons so they can finally meet you.

He would spend even more time with you if that was possible but is not overly clingy like Dick or very clearly manipulating you like Jason.

He just spends time with you, playing games and others to try and distract you from Clark. Which you would like after being hugged and bothered by his older brothers.

Damian would be silent and not really say anything. Which is weird since he usually never shuts up about everything he can do to show off.

He would be a bit clingy, which he wasn't before, and just ask forgiveness for whatever he did in the past.

Which would surprise both you and Venom. You won't forgive him immediately, like come on, the kid tormented you for years, but you will make a small effort to interact with him.

Especially seeing him actually cry, making you hug him and not see his smirk since you're doing exactly what he wants you to do.

Sorry if it's a bit short, I am a bit sick and busy but I hope you all like it!

[lezzballer]

do you have any girlfriend headcanons for diana?

Diana Taurasi girlfriend headcanons

(somewhere in the 2008-2012 era)

∞ Diana will flirt with you incessantly for years. But she's very very comfortable with flirty lighthearted friendships that never go anywhere. So she won't do anything to evolve the relationship beyond that. If you want to be with her, you need to be the one to make the first move

∞ Diana loves dates. She loves everything about dates. Beaches, sunsets, picnics, cafes, lounges, restaurants, food, wine, live piano, flowers, jewelry, ambience, architecture. She loves giving and receiving gifts and experiences

∞ Diana will only call you her girlfriend if she's extremely serious about you. All the women she wasn't serious about were just friends to her, not girlfriends. So she hasn't actually had many girlfriends

∞ Because Diana hasn't actually had many girlfriends, she doesn't have much relationship experience. She doesn't really know what she wants or needs from a relationship. All she knows is she wants and needs to be around you 24/7

∞ Diana wants to let you into her whole life. So get ready to spend some time in the Inland Empire

∞ You have to navigate a language barrier to mesh with her family. And you have to make sure her sister adores you. If you can't do that, your relationship with Diana won't last. But Diana is drawn to you because she knows you'll fit in with them. She wouldn't bring you to Chino unless she was sure you belonged with her family

∞ Diana always calls you "my love." Sometimes she'll even call you "mi amor"

∞ Diana looks up to you and admires you and genuinely believes you're way out of her league

∞ When she looks at you, you feel like the most important thing in the world to her. She'll take your hands in hers and give you a look, saying nothing in a way that says everything

∞ She'll say mild flirty things to other women to brighten their day. But that's just talk. It doesn't mean anything to her. She's yours and you trust her.

∞ She's very playful. There are times when she can't say a single serious word. She'll pretend to be a completely different person just for fun. She knows that outsiders project a domineering power-hungry personality onto her. So she likes to act out a parody of the person they think she is. But you know who she really is. The idea that your soft silly self-deprecating woman could ever go through with any interpersonal cruelty is absurd. All you can do is laugh

∞ Diana is a nuzzler. She will nuzzle you whenever and wherever. She'll nuzzle you in the middle of a mundane conversation about nothing in particular. She likes to rest her head on your shoulder and press her face into your neck

∞ Even though Diana's only in her 20s, she already has a litany of chronic health problems. Back problems, skin problems, mental problems. Her entire left hand broke and healed wrong. Her spine is a nightmare. And now that you're her girlfriend, her problems are your problems, too. When you take care of her, it fills her with love and wonder. She's never had a relationship like this

∞ Diana is addicted to basketball. But the moment you have a crisis in your life, she'll leave her team to be by your side. And she'll take care of you the way you take care of her

∞ The challenging thing about being with Diana is her worldview. She believes there's more bad than good in the world. She doesn't believe in miracles and she doesn't believe in the future. The only thing she feels she can rely on in life is the present moment. That makes it difficult to plan a life together. The only way through this is to lead the way and see if she follows you. So far, she's followed you every time.

[fueledbysano]

WHY'D YOU LET ME LET YOU GO? Satoru G.

They say that time takes away the pain, but you're still the same. After the divorce with Satoru, you were summoned to Jujutsu High to help him with a case, but it soon becomes clear that the pain from the breakup is still very much alive. As the two of you work together, you can't help but wonder if time really does heal all wounds, or if some wounds are just too deep to ever truly heal.

♱ pairing: Satoru Gojo x afab!reader

♱ content: hurt-comfort/no comfort (that really depends on you ;)), angst, toxic relationship, MATURE. unprotected sex, baby trapping. jjk S1.

♱ a/n: ksugurwho, thank you for visiting my haunted mansion. take this jewelry box that you so courageously searched in my basement. until next time and have a twisted halloween. 🖤

♱ wc: 3k

5k event masterlist

You have mostly been keeping yourself busy since the divorce from Satoru, working hard as a sorcerer outside the school, determined to show your ex-husband that his opinion of you didn’t matter. You were in the middle of examining a curse under a private employer, when you unexpectedly received a message from the authorities of Jujutsu High.

Shoko said she “needs your second opinion”. This of course gave you a sense of pride, and the fact that she mentioned your ex referred you by name was a big deal. So as you entered the school to consult a case, you weren’t surprised to see Gojo waiting for you.

“Thank you for coming.” He calmly spoke and bowed alongside Shoko and Ijichi. You bow in response before listening to them go over the incident involving a student while walking towards the morgue. “The kid is only a first year student, [ Y / N ]. But this had never happened before… he’s a vessel.” Shoko explained.

“A vessel? Like… he turned into a curse?” You wondered.

“Sort of… he ate one of Sukuna’s fingers which gave him that ability.” She replied.

“The king of curses?!” You exclaimed, almost stopping your tracks.

Satoru found himself surprisingly drawn to your voice as you made your way through the hallways to the morgue. Even though your marriage had ended, he had missed your mere presence in his life, despite all of the pain and heartache you caused each other.

“Exactly. A unique case, right?” Shoko nodded as she led everyone into the morgue. You watch Shoko uncover the boy’s body, a huge tear in his chest that devoid him of color.

“What was his name?” Your voice is slightly muffled by a face mask as you put on a pair of gloves.

“Itadori Yuuji.” Satoru answered flatly while he sat in a corner with Ijichi.

“Your student?” You asked as politely as you can, out of respect for the kid.

“Did you even listen to a word Shoko said earlier?” He spoke as he sat on a manspread, avoiding your gaze.

“Tch…” You snarled softly, ready to bite back until Shoko stopped you with her arm. “Hey, hey, this isn’t going to be a problem, remember?” She softly reminded. You knew that you are way more professional than your ex, and you were determined to prove yourself not just because the Gojo Satoru had referred you, but because you knew that you are more than capable of handling the case with your ability.

You took a second to look at the kid, offering a moment of silence and wishing him peace— something that you always did before examining deceased sorcerers. Until you noticed the tear on his chest start to close up, as if it was healing itself. You were convinced that this kid was already dead, so you were too shocked to process what was happening, nor to tell anyone in the room.

“We are about to start, are you just gonna sit there and watch?” Shoko was looking at the two men talking as Yuuji casually got up like he was waking up from a nap, which left you more baffled.

Ijichi was terrified, but Satoru was smiling to himself, seeming relieved.

“I’m kinda disappointed, I was looking forward to working with [ Y / N ].” Shoko frowned.

“This is kinda embarrassing. Who are you?” Yuuji looked at you two.

“Yuuji. Welcome back.” Satoru enthusiastically walked up to him.

“Sup, good to be back!” You watched in a mix of emotions as the two hi-fived. The scene reminded you too much of a particular spiky-haired child you used to sort of mother a while back… While you were still newly dating, Satoru took Megumi and Tsumiki in after the death of their father and raised them as if they were his own, alongside you.

With a bittersweet smile, you couldn’t help but picture Megumi now. He must be around Yuji’s age, maybe even his classmate. After all, he was just only learning the basics of his cursed technique by the time you dropped the Gojo last name.

Satoru excused himself with Shoko while you were left to clothe Yuji and give him an examination. You picked up the pace, eager to see Megumi and Tsumiki again. Yuji thanked you with a kind smile for giving him a check-up, before turning to Ijichi.

Discarding your medical gear and coat, you hurried outside the morgue to catch up on Satoru and Shoko.

“Satoru…” you followed Gojo through the hallways, feeling a sense of longing for the children you looked after together. You love them like their own, and the fact that you hadn't been able to see them since the divorce was painful. Satoru didn't know, but you occasionally sent messages to Megumi when you could.

“I want to see the two.” Shoko tensed a little and diverted her attention to something else, distancing herself, knowing that this is something between you and Satoru.

“Hmm… I'm not sure.” Satoru hesitated, knowing full well that he was being petty by not just giving her a straight answer. He knew that he was hurting you by not letting you see the kids, but he couldn't help but feel some resentment towards you for the way you didn't check on them after your marriage, unbeknownst to him.

You were hurt by his response. You knew that both you and Satoru had both made mistakes in your marriage, but you couldn't help but feel like you had lost more than just your husband. You lost the home you made with him and the Fushiguro siblings, and the fact that you're not sure if you can see them was like a knife in your heart. But you refused to let it show. You knew that he was just doing it to rile you up, but you can play this game with him like you did for years.

“I have the right to see them too, Satoru. We took them in together.” It was a long shot, but reminding him of the past was a bad idea. “I told you, you're not their legal guardian.” He flatly spoke. “Because you never fuckin let me be!” Satoru remained silent.

He had always been protective of the two, and [ Y / N ]. He didn't push through with the legal matters of it, because if anything untimely and unfortunate happened, Satoru did not want her to make tough calls, or have the children orphaned once more if anything happens to her. It was something he believed was in his hands, something he had to do alone.

This issue of responsibility and trust was something that had driven you apart since during your marriage, and it was a source of ongoing tension until now.

Nonetheless, you felt the right to see Megumi and Tsumiki again.

“Fine. You can see them after I return Yuuji.” Satoru finally answered.

“Return Yuuji?” You ask, puzzled.

“He remains 'dead' while I train him before the exchange event.” He explained.

“Are you nuts?! You're gonna hide the kid away while his friends think he's dead then you bring him back like potluck?!”

“Exactly. Megumi is going to be shocked.” Satoru smirked.

You scoffed in disbelief, “He's Megumi's buddy?! You're gonna do that to him?!”

“You're overreacting! So what? As if you know what he is like now! Don't tell me how to parent him.” As they began to bicker, you and Satoru found yourselves slipping back into your old patterns. You continue to bicker and argue with him, just as you had in the past.

This gave Shoko time to light a cigarette and look over the balcony, finishing the stick while you continued to bicker nearby. She couldn't even make out what you are arguing about by this point.

“I mean, who even does that?! That's just so fucked up. What if I pull that shit on you with Suguru, huh?” You felt a sense of frustration building inside you, and the pettiness reaching a new level… you knew it was a moment of weakness, a low blow, and you knew it immediately after you said it.

But you just couldn't shake the feeling that you had been backed into a corner, and that Satoru was determined to be the one in control of the situation.

Shoko's expression grew as you mentioned Suguru's name, and she knew that you struck a nerve. As they stood there in awkward silence, Shoko got in between the two of you.

“That's enough.” Shoko stepped between you as she saw the anger in his eyes and knew that it was about to boil over. She could see that the two of you were being petty towards each other, and that it wasn't helping the situation

"Let's not let our emotions get the best of us," Shoko said, her voice firm but calm. “You two need to focus on the case at hand. You can discuss this later.” She pointed out.

As Satoru eagerly welcomed the students from Kyoto, Megumi and Nobara stood off to the side. They were both visibly shaken by Yuuji's sudden return, contrary to what their sensei expected. “You got something to say?” Nobara asks, still baffled.

“Everyone, come with me. We have a guest I’d like you to meet.” Satoru turned to his students with a smile.

He walked into the office with them, and Megumi in particular was surprised, not expecting to see you today. As he walked up to you, you got up and gave him a warm hug. You wished that you should have been there for them the way you wanted it to be,and you were just so lighthearted to see him again. Despite the tension, Megumi couldn't help but smile softly, accepting the gesture.

“[ Y / N ]-sama, when did you arrive?” He asked after bowing.

“I was actually here a couple of days ago to help with Yuji.” You explained.

“You didn’t tell...”

“Well, someone said keep it a secret.” You mumbled, fixing up Megumi’s uniform.

“I can hear you.” Satoru replied, and you rolled your eyes.

“You hear someone talking, Megumi?” You said and pulled him aside. “Come on, let’s get some drinks.”

While the seniors talked to each other, the students sat on a separate table having drinks. Nobara couldn't help but notice the tense atmosphere in the room, and she knew that there was a lot of tension between their sensei and the woman he introduced. “Is it just me but there’s a lot of tension between Gojo-sensei and [ Y / N ]-sama?”

“They used to be married.” Megumi casually spoke while drinking from his cup.

“What?!” Yuuji and Nobara exclaimed, bringing themselves closer to the boy. “So, she’s like, your step-mom?” Yuuji asks. “I don’t call her that.” Fushiguro visibly regrets revealing this information to the two too soon.

“They must’ve married young then.” Nobara wondered.

“That’s why they kept bickering at the morgue…” Yuuji recalled.

“Why did they break up?”

“Dunno. Can’t remember.” Megumi truthfully answered.

“Fushiguro shall have them back together again… this means one thing— parent trap!” Yuuji spoke dramatically.

“Right… If they reconcile, sensei is going to be in a good mood all the time.” Nobara agreed. Megumi had his face in his palms just by listening to the two’s bizarre ideas. “Here’s our plan...— they’re leaving.” He cut off Yuuji.

“What a shame.” Nobara shrugged and opened another can of cola.

Meanwhile, Satoru was already approaching you and asked if you could talk in his office, away from any prying ears.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Satoru dropped the question. Your eyes filled with pain as he asked you that. You had thought about this question so many times, and had always struggled to find the right words to answer it. You knew that you didn't hate him, you were just hurt and bitter, and you wished he had tried harder on being your husband while still serving the jujutsu world.

But she also knew that he had his own resentments, his own burden to carry, and she couldn't blame him for that. She just wished that he had been there for her in the way that she had always been there for him. And as they stood there, looking at each other, they both felt the weight of all that had happened between them.

“You hate me!” Satoru couldn't deny it, he had acted like he didn't need you in his life, but he realized that he did. You meant more to him than he let on, and he hated himself for making himself believe otherwise, leading him to be resentful towards you.

You only wanted to be there for Satoru when everything fell apart. When Suguru fell into the darkness, Shoko became distant, and he carried all collateral damage, you thought it could make you stronger. But it only drove you further apart. It is clear that it wasn't enough. Satoru was struggling to deal with his own pain, and it was spilling out into your relationship in the worst ways possible. You tried to be strong for him, to hold things together, but it was clear that it was only making things worse.

“It shouldn't be like this… Satoru. Everyone should be in there right now, poking fun at your students or something…” You pointed at the door.

“Everyone? You know who is "everyone" to me, [ Y / N ]?” Satoru asks, mirroring your words.

“Everyone is… my smartest and sweetest friend who I never see anymore, my best friend and other half who I should have given more time to, and my ex-wife who I probably should have ended up with and raised the kids with.” He painfully spoke, enumerating each of them. “There's so much going on in all of our lives right now… but all of us hanging out at Shoko's, being young and stupid… we weren't meant to do that forever.”

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have come here to see you.” You shed a tear, turning to the door. But before you could make another move, Satoru pulled you into a hug, feeling the weight of all of his pain and everything he had been holding back since seeing you again. It was so heavy that you both fell on your knees, still holding each other and tears welling your eyes.

His firm grasp caught you off guard but you embraced it, not wanting to let go. You felt the weight of all that you had been through together, all over again, but you still did not want to let go. Like instinct, Satoru leaned in for a kiss, returning it with a passion that you didn't know was still there.

He was able to grab your thighs and lift you with ease. You kicked off your shoes and pulled off your coat, while your ex-husband opened his uniform, teasing you to his cut abs.

Satoru didn't take his eyes off of your full tits, the cleavage peeking from your low neckline, and your thighs firm in his palms. He's still in love with your body all these years, filling out all in the right places. His dick throbs just thinking about the new things he could do to you.

His eyes flicker down to yours. “Do you think about this? Having me fuck you again? No one else does it like I do.”

“All the time,” You admit, recalling all the lonely nights you missed his touch. Now you're experiencing it and it doesn't feel real at all. You feel like I've crossed another dimension, one where your body is actually worthy of having his against it once again.

He pulls himself away and lays you on your back with a grunt. You suck in a breath as he hovers over you and then hear his pants being discarded. placing his hand on your waist, he brings his face down next to yours and his hips suddenly thrust in a gradual rhythm, your walls accommodating his length in a reunion. It had been way too long…

“I never stopped thinking what it would feel like to grab your hips and fuck you like a doll.” He growls. He leans back and grips harder, his nails leaving marks. You feel them desperately dig into your flesh as he thrusts forward while I push you hips back to meet him. “Fuck, [ Y / N ]. Yes,” He groans. “You're gonna make me come hard in your pussy if you keep doing that."

Holy. Shit.

His voice is nothing but orgasmic. Deep, guttural, and fucking sexy. You keep doing your movements, arching your back back and meeting his thrust for thrust.

His groans got louder and you breathe raggedly as you clutch your hand to the edge, feeling him reach an area inside you that is triggering your body in ways you've never felt before.

“I feel you getting tighter, honey,” He whispered, addressing you by the pet name he called you when you were briefly married. “Can you feel my cock getting harder for you? Fuck, you're so damn wet.”

The guttural sound of his voice brings you to a dangerous high. You curse beneath your breath and then bite into your bottom lip, feeling that same feeling you had when his tongue played tricks with your pussy for the first time. You were building up second by second, on the verge of climax.

“What if you'd just give me a baby of our own…” You pant as he continues clutching your hip. His mouth falls to the bend of your neck, his lips caressing the sensitive skin there, and you can't take it. “Tempting.” He smirked and his hips stuttered, his tip releasing beads of precum.

“Please…Satoru…” It spills from your lips again and again as he meets you thrust for thrust, you let go, body vulnerable and sensitive to his touch.

He starts to pound after pound, skin clapping together as he lets out a deep, hoarse groan and his dick starts to throb inside your pussy.

You knew what was coming, and so with all your strength, you lifted your legs to his waist and locked himself inside of you.

“Shit… [ Y / N ]... Nng-need to pull out…” His voice was more desperate than you've ever heard it— raw and vulnerable, as if he's needed to cum like this in ages. You couldn't fight your smile when you saw that desperate look on his face and his dick throbbing.

You couldn't imagine how much cum he's spilled, but it seemed like he hadn't had a good fuck like this in a long time.

“Holy fuck…” He panted out with a smirk, slightly shaken by the possible parental consequences of what you just did, but also turned on by the fact that he was able to claim you again…

[perseephoneee]

Okay, so I was thinking Hope Mikaleson x Reader. Where they are in a relationship. Where Hope was fighting and kill supernatural people and I forgot to mention that she turned off her humanity. Season 4. She left Salvador school and now she came back to surprised everyone but she sees Reader who was depressed because she was mad at Hope for leaving her and she expected her to be happy but no she was angry at her. Reader walked out not caring and Hope followed her. When Reader screamed at her for leaving, Hope turn her humanity back on and she broke down.

Fluff at the end but angst at the start.

cruelty (hope mikaelson x reader)

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist

omg i hope this is kinda what you wanted?? i wrote this during class.

It felt unfair for the outside to be sunny and for the fall leaves to twinkle in the light. The sounds of children's laughter echoing, or even the footsteps in the hallway with hushed conversation. You bury your head deeper into your pillow, letting the covers hide you away. Your bed has become a cave of solace. Your mind was a prison of your own design. 

You need to scream. You yearn to be heard. But no one can soothe you; no one bothers. Your heart feels perpetually heavy, this anchor dragging it deeper into your soul. You can't remember the last time you woke up without screaming, your voice raw and scratchy. Any psychologist would say you're depressed. You know what the other feeling is, though— guilt.

You couldn't stop it. You couldn't save her. The woman who changed every ounce of your being, who altered the course of your life in a single smile. She left. You were alone.

Everyone had tried to console you. They brought you meals and whispered niceties. They gave you time to process and to heal. But underneath that sorrow was a boiling, glistening anger.  You rolled over to scream at your ceiling.

"Fuck your, Hope Mikaelson."

"Is that really the welcome I get?"

You sat up, believing the phantom at the door to your bedroom to be exactly that— a ghost. Except the way she leaned against your doorframe, all ego, that was corporeal.

"Hope," you say, brows furrowed. She smiles, no humanity in her eyes.

"I was going for some more fanfare," she stepped into the room. You forced yourself to not recoil. Or to launch yourself out of bed and hold her close. "This, my dear, is wholly disappointing." 

"Disappointing welcome for a disappointing person," you respond. No reaction. You wonder how deep you'd have to swim to find where her soul is.

"Venom doesn't suit you."

"I grew up," you tilt your head, taking her in. All black, every part of a viper and not the warm individual you initially fell in love with. "You should leave."

"But I just got here," she mopes. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Hope, leave," you roll your eyes, getting out of bed and standing your ground. 

"I have things to do, so no, I won't leave."

"Oh really?" You scoff. "All you do is leave; it's what you're best at."

You see a flicker of…something. You wonder if you imagined it. You must've; there's no way she feels anything at all.

"I was trying to be kind, coming to say hello; I guess you don't want that." She pushes off the door, mannerisms presenting an aura of boredom.

"I don't want excuses from a snake," you chortle. "Especially one like you."

"A snake?" She laughs. That laughter doesn't reach her eyes. "That's pathetic."

"Pathetic isn't the half of it," you match her stance. Arms crossed, eyes narrowed. You feel an inexplicable anger. "Pathetic is running away the second things get hard. Pretending to be anything but Klaus Mikaelson's daughter, as if you aren't the product of the cruelest man in history. When you look in the mirror, do you see any of your mother? Or has she run away from the woman you've become?"

You don't remember feeling angry before, but you feel this anger now.

"I loved you, and that was a mistake. Cruelty suits you. Your heroism was nothing but a facade to hide the coward within. When you snapped Lizzie's neck— was it because you started to realize she was better than you? Did you feel threatened by the fact that you mean nothing in the grand scheme of things? Are you really still that insecure?"

You realize you're being cruel. But god, she's been cruel. And you are so so tired of pretending to be okay with it.

"I am happy you are the devil. It makes it easier to leave," you step towards her, standing face to face. There's that flicker again. "I'm done with you. Now…get the fuck out of my room."

You shove past her, marching down the hall in nothing but a ratty t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. You look like a mess (you feel like a mess), but standing in the same space as Hope was too hard to bear. Being cruel felt good…it felt like a release. 

The world is spinning as you stumble into the bathroom. The tile is cold beneath your feet, and your hands brace the sink as you suck in deep breaths. You have no clue when you started crying. You turn on the sink and splash cold water on your face, trying to steady the sobs that are consuming your entire being. It's so hard to breathe. You don't remember how to.

You sink to the floor, curling up into yourself as you bury your head in your knees. You feel a hand on your shoulder, someone pulling you close, and you let them. You are so, so lonely. The scent of roses and vanilla is a familiar one, and you inhale as if it's the last time you'll ever be able to. 

Hope holds you until you're done crying, and when you finally pull away, you narrow your eyes in hesitation. 

"I never expected you to call me cruel," she whispers, and she seems different. She looks like the Hope you knew. The one you fell in love with, that was your best friend before she became more. The light in her eyes reflects her humanity. "I didn't realize how much it would hurt."

"I didn't mean—"

"You did," she sighs. You wish she could be more angry with you. "I don't blame you."

"I was just so angry—"

"And I was mean," Hope laughs as a tear drops from her eye. You rarely see her cry. "It was easier to hide than it was to be strong. I'm…sorry for hurting you because of it."

You wipe her tears with your thumb, cradling her face. Her skin is smooth to the touch. 

"Are you back?" You whisper. She looks at you, brows furrowed, before nodding slowly. Almost as if she's afraid to admit it. You let out a choking laugh, kissing her with all the love you'd held in for the months she'd been gone. You kiss her cheeks, nose, lips again, everything you can touch. She laughs, something light and airy that you didn't realize how much you missed. You pull back, holding her at arm's length. "Don't you ever fucking do that again."

"I won't," she says, kissing your cheek. "I promise."

[fireflysummers]

Good Omens S2

Okay so.

Excellent Job, Gaiman

Ouch???

I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life. My academic life is my professional life is my artist life. But my personal life? Not so much, outside of vignettes.

But for the past several months, I've been deconstructing a lot of personal baggage and trauma surrounding both family and religion, after leaving the cult I was raised in (mormonism).

It's terrifying to realize that the framework you built your entire self on is false. It's exhausting and painful to deconstruct that framework, to disentangle your identity in the way that won't destroy you.

And it's slow.

Nobody ever tells you how slow it is to heal. You can't control the rate you heal either. You just have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself an environment where that healing can occur safely and naturally.

Anyways.

Good Omens, and its weird tendency to be exactly what I need when I need it.

I first read Good Omens in high school. And honestly, I didn't quite get it, at the time. I only knew it was different from every other book I've ever read, one that didn't treat religion as stupid or trivial, but also one that called out the blatant hypocrisy and control tactics involved. It helped me safely challenge a status quo I hadn't even realized existed.

I first watched Good Omens partway into my Master's Degree. It was everything that I could've hoped for. I understood the book a lot better, but the TV adaptation captured my struggles with mental dissonance, trying to understand and accept the parts of my identity that I was taught God didn't want.

I watch S2 a year into my doctoral program. I'm out of the cult, and it's exhilarating and painful and scary and fun, but I can still feel the scars its hooks left when they were torn out.

I feel like S2 Aziraphale is in about the same place. He's exploring his freedom, but also trying to reorient himself. He's trying to let himself be. He's healing, but his boundaries got overridden due to circumstances out of his control (naked Gabriel). He's been pulled back into the gravity of the abusive system he tried to escape, given a carrot on a stick, and isn't yet healed or strong enough to resist.

On top of that, Aziraphale is still holding onto the hope that the problem was bad individuals, not a corrupted system. He thinks if the leadership is different, things can change. He thinks if he had more authority in the system, he could make things change. And... that's not how it works.

And Crowley. Dear Crowley.

He wants Aziraphale to be farther along in his healing than he is. Honestly, Aziraphale wants it too. But again, you cannot force this kind of healing, even when it results in a loved one making some truly stupid decisions.

Crowley sees the system for what it is. He's already deconstructed that part. But he hasn't really started addressing his own trauma. He's hinged his entire existence on Aziraphale, on being what Aziraphale needs, that he hasn't allowed himself to heal either. And Aziraphale, who is vulnerable and healing, is not able to provide the support that Crowley would need to recover safely.

Which is why them separating is probably the best thing for both of them.

It won't be permanent.

But they don't communicate, and their relationship while delightful and beautiful risks unhealthy codependency that prevents either from really growing or healing.

Anyways, what I really hope to see next season is Aziraphale's realization that the system never had his back. That the system is what's wrong, and that he can't win by playing at respectability politics or gaining a higher status within it.

I want Aziraphale to get angry.

He deserves it. He's tried so hard. He thinks he's lost Crowley over it.

I want him to feel the gut-wrenching despair of realizing how conditional and fleeting the system's version of love is, and I want it to turn into a rage.

But not a destructive rage--the sort of anger that Pratchett ascribes to himself and many of his works. The sort of anger that fueled Discworld and Good Omens. The sort that can be finessed into a weapon and a shield, that can be used to protect the people who truly love you.

For millennia we see Crowley fighting for Aziraphale.

For Season 3, I want to see Aziraphale fighting for his demon.

For him to apologize, without the expectation that Crowley will come back, but because he was wrong and Crowley needs to know it. To not expect forgiveness, not even think he deserves it.

And then for Crowley--who is trying to hide his heart eyes at seeing his avenging angel coming to save him for once, who he can tell immediately has changed, and is finally going Crowley's speed)--for Crowley to give that forgiveness, without strings attached.

[buddierecs]

outsider pov buddie fics

there isn't as many outsider pov fics under the mature and explicit tags that i know of/read, so i have added them together. the last two on the list are explicit as stated below :) another thing to mention is that some of these aren't completely outsider pov, for some of them they do have buck/eddie povs make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

bobby versus buddie by: songbvrd "five times bobby tried to gently hold buddie's hands and tell them they were in love, and one time they got the picture." word count: 10k important tags: bobby nash pov, gay!eddie diaz, idiots in love, mutual pining i'm holding on (barely) (this has a pt 2 with a christopher pov) by: cranberrymoons "eddie and buck take christopher home to california; helena and ramon decide to follow" word count: 12k important tags: both eddie and helena pov, parenthood, coming out, therapy, mother-son relationships, healing just to love you by: woodchoc_magnum "in which drunken confessions are made, feelings are confused, and maddie can't help but do a little bit of big-sisterly meddling." word count: 37k important tags: has buck/eddie pov but also 118 team, getting together, secret relationship, soft!buddie, meddling platonic co-parents don't kiss like we do by: thelikeofus "5 times other people see buck and eddie kiss + 1 time they really mean it." word count: 7.1k important tags: 5+1 things, soft!buddie, getting together, fluff, supportive 118, pda

friday (never hesitates) by: pansys_goth_gf "natalia spends the day at buck’s loft and becomes increasingly more aware that he already has a partner." word count: 5.8k important tags: natalia dollenmeyer pov, feelings realisation, didn't know they were dating brand new (full throttle) by: ofthedirewolves "5 times the 118 missed the obvious signs that buck and eddie were dating and the one time they didn't." word count: 6.7k important tags: 5+1 things, 118 crew pov, oblivous 118 crew ---- these last two are explicit, also like to point out that they aren't completely outsider pov, buck and eddie do have a pov in them as well! good pretender by: likeshipsonthesea "an au where buck broke up with taylor before 5b, ravi and buck become (actually platonic) friends with benefits, and ravi, eddie, and buck all go on a journey of self-discovery that ends with them all getting what they need" word count: 85k important tags: has ravi panikkar pov but only for first chap, friends with benefits (buck/ravi), team as family, therapy, friends to lovers, jealous!eddie diaz, mutual pining, explicit sexual content

ours to keep by: brewrosemilk "buck and eddie pass their single, shared brain-cell back and forth, trying to keep their relationship a secret." word count: 8.9k rating: explicit important tags: the last section of fic is chimney pov, secret relationship, crack treated seriously, blow jobs, porn with feelings