#some can't and need time to heal outside a relationship

[ceilidho]

soap developing an unhealthy attachment to his therapist post his brush with death after being shot at point blank range. he was reluctant to see a therapist at first because he didn't like what it said about him that he was being more or less strong armed into seeing a shrink (like no one trusts him anymore; they don't think his head's on straight since being shot), but as time goes on, he grows to cherish the relationship he's cultivated with his therapist because,

well,

she understands him. she listens to him. where everyone else seems to want him to just hurry up and get better (the nightmares, the mid-sentence brain fog, the erratic mood swings, the silent brooding when he can't find the words, aphasia on the tip of his tongue, the constant, constant headaches and auditory hallucinations that he can't seem to kick), she doesn't put any pressure on him to heal right away. she works with him and his medical team; gives him the space to process what happened to him, and has a seemingly bottomless wealth of patience for him.

he can talk for hours in her presence. it's a shame their time together is limited to an hour and a half every week. the dulcet sound of her voice is such a comfort to him. it's a shame she politely but firmly rejects his advances when he finally asks her out, tells him that it wouldn't even be appropriate for them to be friends outside of his sessions. that it would in some way hinder his healing journey. which pisses him off because Soap has progressed in leaps and bounds since those early days when he used to stumble over his words sitting on the couch across from her, head in his hands when the language felt beyond his grasp, a fine tremor still running through his hands that he's since managed to contain,

and

his head is throbbing again. a sharp pain above his eye that pulsates like a drum in his head and -

he thinks about her constantly. in and out of sessions. she's a frequent topic of conversation when the brass finally lets him back out in the field, Makarov finally dealt with (resting six feet deep in an unmarked grave). he ignores the looks oscillating between concern and worry that Price gives him. ignores the way Ghost barks at him to quit bothering the bird in the tight skirt and fuck someone that won't get him discharged. ignores the way Gaz pulls him to the side to ask if maybe he needs to see another therapist, y'know, mate...get some distance.

they act like this is something new. an abberation and not his very nature. like he hasn't always been the type to lock onto a scent like a hunting dog. a sniper by training. he sits and he watches and he waits; waits for the right moment that he alone knows.

it comes to him on an inauspicious day, when he's leaving the training facilities and spots his sweet thing rummaging around in the boot of her car, her ass beckoning him forward like a siren's call. now, now, now, the little itch in his head says, the voice that knows when the time is right. it's a sense acquired through conscious and unconscious observation, letting it all filter into his frontal cortex until he knows without knowing that the parking lot is empty apart from the two of them and the men at the base gates half a mile away.

it would take nothing for him to come up behind her and push her into the boot. nothing to wrestle the purse from her hands and slam the trunk shut. nothing to drive off base with a flick of his fingers to the guards that hardly ever bother to question him before he leaves (though they know what car he actually drives), made complacent by familiarity.

and he knows that it's wrong, knows that there's a line that he shouldn't cross, that choices have consequences, but,

his mouth salivates when her hips twitch, the urge to take settling over him. surely they'd forgive him one indiscretion.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - what makes you attractive?

welcome back lovely reader! let's take a peak into what makes you so attractive. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. remember to take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 1 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you're interested in creating these meaningful and emotional connections to people.

you aren't the type of person who feels the need to place yourself above anyone, in order to feel good about yourself. your desire for balance and harmony in your relationships makes you highly attractive.

the way you're able to put yourself in other people's shoes, and approach them with empathy, is wonderful. you give them this precious feeling of being understood.

you're a person who has very comforting energy, and a soothing effect on others. someone who brings the calm after the chaos, and hope into situations that seem lost.

spirit keeps showing me this image of a bandaid.

your attractiveness lies in your gentleness. in your ability to mend and heal.

the fact that you've been through so much, but this inner spark of hope inside you still remained bright and dazzling in the end, makes you very special.

it's likely that a lot of you aren't fully aware of this, but your existence is dazzling, and extraordinary in many people's eyes.

you stand out. you're unique.

there's something about your presence that shines differently, compared to the people around you. it's almost like a butterfly that can't see the beauty of its own wings.

i believe a good amount of you, have gone through your own losses and heartbreaks in the past.

it's likely you went through different cycles, and various impactful stages in your life where you were forced to adapt and adjust. unexpected situations which caught you off guard and resulted in you needing to pick up the pieces by yourself.

but the way you've been able to bounce back, and still find this inner courage to keep going, despite the hurt, is impressive.

i believe you've come to a point where you've been able to move away from that state of sorrow, and turned it into something that fuels your power.

your ability to bravely deal with the things that life unexpectedly throws you head on, makes you very attractive.

you still have a more sensitive heart, and your core will always be a little soft and sweet deep down; but your character has gained a lot of strength throughout the years.

this is something you radiate to the outside now. your inner power makes you incredibly attractive.

you look at the things you've been through till now, as experiences which have shaped you immensely, and turned you into the person you are today.

a lot of you are also likely to be outspoken, and pretty straightforward. you like getting to the true core of topics, and aren't afraid to voice things others might shy away from.

your attractiveness lies in your ability to balance these two coinciding sides in you; one that is full of empathy, warmth and a kind heart, and one that is self-sufficient, ambitious and courageous.

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 2 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you relentlessly work towards fulfilling your own dreams and goals.

you're willing to put in consistent effort, in order to build yourself the dream life you desire so badly.

i just don't see you liking to rely on anyone else to do the work for you. you're very self-sufficient, and recognize that in order to get to a place of satisfaction and contentment within yourself, you have to be the one to make the effort. there's nothing like enjoying the fruits of your own labor.

a lot of you are very sure of what you want for yourself. some of you might actively manifest, by imagining and picturing how you want your life to be.

creating moodboards on pinterest or something. creating folders of style inspiration, or interior design inspirations. this is how i want to be dressed, this is the place i want to live in.

you're not gonna be someone who throws the towel and gives in, just because someone else might label your dreams as impossible, or unrealistic.

it's almost like you'll tell them “well, i'll show you then”

you have high aspirations, standards and expectations towards yourself, as well as others, which makes you even more attractive.

you just do not settle for anything less than what you want.

people can't get to you too easily. you're guarded and careful about who you let in closely.

many people are likely to look at you as a person they can't quite decipher or fully figure out at first; someone whose facade they'd like to look beyond.

the fact that you aren't an open book who's constantly accessible and available twenty four seven, makes you highly attractive to others. you cautiously keep them at an arm's length, and people might have to work for your attention.

there might even be some people envious of you.

envious of the fact that you're so self-reliant, independent, and in no need of anyone's help or guidance in life.

and although you give off a more detached and colder vibe to some people on the outside, people who actually know the true you, are aware of how sweet and empathetic you can in fact be. you just have a genuine heart deep down.

you're likely to be someone with a lot of depth and layers, and the closer people get to knowing you in your entirety, the more they get to see of your more complex, introspective and sensitive sides.

you might be much more emotional, romantic and dreamy than what meets the eye at first; and this is likely to draw a lot of people to you.

like “wow, i didn't know you had this side to you”

there's this type of reversal charm, where you might pleasantly surprise some people with how soft you can actually be at times, compared to the first impression they had of you.

some of you might literally have an rbf, but a beautiful smile that brightens and lights up your face in a whole new way.

you also give me very very creative energy. i feel like you love to express yourself beautifully, in many artistic ways. and you see art as a way to live out your most authentic self.

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 3 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you lead with your heart.

it's likely that you're a person who nurtures a strong connection to their vast and rich emotional world. you're someone who genuinely cares.

like.. i don't think you even know how to just not care about things, and go through life in a nonchalant “meh” way. most of the time, you're very chalant. (ㅜ same!)

this makes you much more attractive than you might realize.

you can easily get emotionally invested in plenty of your endeavors; whether that's your relationships, the choices you have to make, the different situations life throws in your way.

you feel everything in a deep and profound manner, and this makes you unique.

reason why i believe you might not be fully aware of this, is because you seem to have the tendency to see yourself as more lacking than you actually are.

you're likely to be a person who's very humble at their core. an eternal student of life.

someone who tries their best to grow continuously and better themselves through every situation they get confronted with; especially the disappointments, regrets, losses.

you're eager to pull the lesson out of every experience in life, and sincerely want to learn from your mistakes.

despite criticism hurting you sometimes, you're still trying your best to improve yourself through it all.

this hard-working, grounded, down to earth and modest energy makes you incredibly attractive.

i think you're slowly but surely trying to let go of certain limitations you habitually set yourself till now. you might've felt trapped in your mind and stuck for a good while, but you're progressively coming out of that place.

despite the exhausting struggles you've been through till now, you're still standing strong!

your endurance, resilience and inner strength makes you immensely attractive.

yes you're wounded, yes you don't see yourself as perfect, but you're still ready to fight. you are a true warrior.

even with your naturally modest character, i don't see you as a person who allows people to step all over them anymore. you're starting to learn to be more strict and clear with your boundaries.

people might see you as someone who's becoming more guarded and closing yourself off, but to you, it's what's necessary to protect yourself.

you're attractive in the way you're becoming more and more aware of your true worth and your value.

you shouldn't let people look at your inner softness as weakness anymore.

on the contrary, it makes you incredibly strong and attractive, if you confidently embrace that side of you. i can see you stepping into your true power, once you learn to acknowledge your qualities more.

it's very likely for the things you yourself see as your downfalls, to be your actual strengths. you might just see yourself in a negative light way too quickly.

for example, your emotionality and sensitivity doesn't have to be a flaw. it can be your asset. it makes you special.

not everyone is capable of emotional connection the way you are. not everyone has the ability to be so genuinely loving, caring and sincerely empathetic the way you are.

don't constantly see yourself for what you aren't, for what you lack, for what you can't do. but see yourself for what you are and what you have, what you can indeed do!

note; i was definitely the most passionate about this pile because i have to admit, i relate so much 🥹 sending you all my support and hugs sweet reader

[hollowandcoldanddark]

i hate shoutout posts, so this is like... a whisper to every single fucking system who can't be in therapy. who arent safe. live with abusers. who dont have the money, dont have the location, cant find a therapist. who cant do this shit.

i think that most advice from the internet is like... if you have did go to therapy and i bet thats useful if u can have it but if you cant, its so isolationg. especially with an individualistic (every man for himself) culture, people often tell u to just... go to therapy bro. dont bother me about it.

here are fr some tips as someone who has a lot of problems and is not in therapy:

prioritise staying alive. it can never get better once you are dead.

take your time with it. you dont need to post alter intros or have a plural kit. you dont need to have a journal. take time to be comfortable as you can even if the circumstances are very bad

depending on your amount of control and interaction with your system, introduce people who don't have a lot of life experience to new things like food, new colours and textures and places. this especially applies if you have a bunch of alters who only really know the environment of their abuse

build community. its really really really hard but do try. having friends kept me alive. it still keeps me alive.

learn about healthy relationships - we all have internet access. learn about boundaries and triggers and talking to others healthily. a lot of people with did will struggle with healthy relationships even if they make them. learn and do your best to act with it

treat your body like a rental or a pot plant or an animal if needed - even if it doesnt seem like yours, you gotta feed and water and walk it bro. u need the sun. you need enrichment and interaction.

ignore the discourse if youre struggling - it actually doesnt matter and will make you more sick. thinkning about endo vs trauma or like.... idk... labels discourse can be a major stressor that can lead to warping your sustem presentation or repressing and harming bits that arent conforming well

engage in things that are irl like building mini legos or clay - it can help make outside a better environment and shit, aklso can help ground.

find your own triggers and talk about it with ur system. write notes or yap.

find joy in being alive and being a system. despite what reddit or youtube or whatever will tell you, as things improve they will get better. and u should look for joy and funnies when you can

dont give up

LISTEN TO YOUR SYSTEM. THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT. THEY LIKELY ARE ASSHOLES OR INSANE JUST LIKE YOU. BUT YOU LIVE TOGETHER.

healing is easier as a team.

i believe in you

[lostbookmark]

MDNI 🔞

Main Masterlist here

Game Masterlist here

Summary: After the death of your brother and his wife. You find yourself adjusting to a new role in your life. A single parent to your teenage nephew. How do you help him heal? How do you help yourself heal? You're not sure. You don't think you can, until an annoying basketball coach enters your life and turns everything around.

Pairing: Basketball Coach Yoongi x F. Single Aunt Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Hurt-Comfort

Warnings: Death Of Parents / Brother/ Family, Car Accident (Cause), Swearing, Explicit Sex, Arguments, Physical Fighting, Past Abusive Relationship, Domestic Violence(past)

A/N: Nephew calls MC Sunshine as a nickname.

Also, this story will have some heavy themes so please take heed of the warnings.

“Let's go!” You call out to your nephew as you grab your keys and your purse. “You are going to be late on your first day.”

“Why do I even need to go?” Your nephew Nicholas, aka Nicky, asks you. “Why couldn't I stay at my old school?”

“Because, we don't live in that school district,” you answer, waving him to the door hurrying him along.

“Why couldn't we stay in my old house? There is way more room there compared to here,” he asks, finally walking to the door and opening it. He steps outside and waits for you to shut and lock the door.

“Because, I can't afford the house payments,” you say, jogging to your car sitting in the driveway. The both of you get in and buckle up before you take off to his brand new school. “Look, I am trying here. I know things are hard right now, and being the new kid sucks, but I need you to work with me. I don't know what I’m doing here, but I'm trying my best.”

He doesn't say anything in the seven minute drive to his school, but he shifts nervously, looking out the windows while playing with the zipper on his backpack. You didn't think that you would ever find yourself in this predicament. Caring for your thirteen year old nephew. You had been at work the night it happened. You had been working the closing shift at a rundown seedy bar outside of your hometown when you got the call. Your younger brothers voice was distraught and hurried. You had a hard time disyphehering what he was saying except the words accident, terrible and dead. You must have passed out because the next thing you know, you were in the back office with your coworkers fanning you with a newspaper. You remember having been scared and confused when you came to.

It took a minute for everything to come back to you. Your older brother and his wife were dead. They had been on the way back from a late dinner. A car swerved into their lane, trying to avoid a deer that ran out in the middle of the road, hitting them head on. Nicky, who was thankfully at your parents for the night, was not with them.

They were amazing parents. Your brother coached every sports team that your nephew was on and worked his ass off to support his family. Your sister-in-law ran the pta. They were loving, caring, patient, and everything you wished you could be.

You didn't cry when you found out. You didn't cry at the funeral. You still haven't cried. You couldn't bring yourself to do it. You had no choice but to be strong. You had to be strong for your nephew who had everything ripped from him and had to adjust to a whole new reality. You had to be strong for your mother, who had been hysterical and inconsolable after losing her oldest child. For your younger brother and dad who have been quiet and secluding themselves from the world, throwing themselves into their work. Instead of grieving, you took it upon yourself to do everything in order to keep busy. Planning the funeral, all you. The wake, all you. Appointments with their lawyer, all you. You had to carry the weight of your family and their grief. It was fucking heavy.

“What if I don't make friends?” He asks quietly as you pull up to the school via the drop-off lane. “What if no one likes me?”

“You will,” you assure him, as you lay your hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “You're smart and funny. Everyone will want to be your friend.”

“Thanks, sunshine,” he said, giving you a small smile before jumping out the car and heading into the building with his backpack slung around his shoulders.

You sit there for a minute watching the door that he just walked through just in case he decides to come back out. You were worried for him. You were scared that he was going to be scared. The car behind you honks their horn, and you do everything in your power not to flip them off. As you drive away from the school, you look in the rearview mirror one last time at the school building that was fading away in the distance. You sigh audibly. You don't know how parents do this every day, but you will figure it out. Eventually.

Transferring your hundredth call of the day, you sit at your desk and stare blankly at your computer screen. You had to quit working at the seedy motorcycle bar where most of the patrons were probably criminals, but that was none of your business. Working nights were out of the question now that you had a young teen at home, and the day shift didn't make a lot of money. Your mother called you out of the blue one day and told you that you were now working for your father at the family construction company. She didn't ask, she told you, leaving no room for you to argue against the decision. It was probably your dads idea, but he wouldn't ever admit to it. Your younger brother helped run the projects at the construction sites while his fiancee was the office manager. You were hired as her assistant. A position that you were sure was never there before, and the pay was way more than what it probably should have been. You think it was his way of taking care of you without being obvious about it, but you knew better.

You tug at the waist of your dark grey pencil skirt as you shift around in your seat. You hate wearing these things. When your mother showed up at your apartment, you felt like a disgruntled teenager being forced into school clothes shopping and buying outfits that you didn't want. She picked out every outfit for you and made you do a little fashion show for her while she did all the critiquing and checking the tightness around your waistline. Flowy blouses, turtlenecks, pencil skirts, and cardigans. You get it. You didn't own any ‘office appropriate’ clothes. Your bar attire had consisted of short and tight or shorter and tighter. This was a major adjustment. A major uncomfortable, almost stifling adjustment. Sighing, your eyes go to the clock on your computer. Standing up from your desk, you gather your bag.

“Getting Nicky?” Elly, your brother Chris's fiancée asks, as she peeks her head out of her office.

“Yeah, got to get there early. I was warned that finding a spot was like the Hunger Games,” you say with an eye roll. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“That sounds fun. Have a goodnight,” she said with a smile.

She was nice. Your late sister-in-law in law was nice. Both your brothers lucked out and found amazing women early in their lives. You, however, only found loser after loser that left you heartbroken every time. You can't even entertain the idea of dating now. Is that even allowed now that you are taking care of a child? Doesn't matter. Nicky was your number one priority now, and you would not let him down. You wouldn't let him down by bringing some man around him that would potentially hurt him. He needed stability, not your revolving door of men that jump in and out of your bed. Those days are now in the past, and you think it's probably for the best.

You had left thirty minutes early to find a place in the pick-up line along the sidewalk of the school, and you were lucky to snag the last spot. You shake your head and wonder how long some of these parents sit up here for reading their books or maybe taking naps. There is no way you can sit up here for an hour waiting for Nicky to get out of school every day. You might just have to make him wait and pick him up ten minutes after school gets out. He was lucky that you were even picking him up. You remember having to walk to the elementary school to pick up Chris and then walk home. Rain or shine, you did it every day. Luckily enough, the wait wasn't terrible. You were able to distract yourself, and the thirty minutes went by quickly. Distracted by your phone, you startled when your car door opened suddenly.

“Hey, how was your…” you started to ask as Nicky jumped into your car, but he immediately cut you off.

“I made a friend in gym class, and he told me about after-school basketball. It's not through the school, but through some different program. Can I try out? Please? Please? Sunshine, please?” He asks in one breath.

“Do you have any information?” You ask as you drive away.

“He sent me the link,” he answers, pulling his phone out. Soon, you hear your own phone chime. “There now you have it. The first practice is tomorrow. He says it's not really tryouts because everyone gets on the team.”

“Can we talk after dinner? Let me read everything and see what this is all about?” You ask while concentrating on the road.

“I'm going to need new basketball shoes. The one's dad…..” he said that shut his mouth quickly, and you could feel a stab to your heart. He doesn't like to mention them, and you don't want to force him.

“They are falling apart,” you finish for him, and he nods his head. “If you can get grandma to buy you a new pair, I'll sign you up. Deal?”

“Deal?” He says, immediately putting his phone to his ear. “Grandma….”

You chuckle to yourself. You know that he will get exactly what he wants. Being the only grandchild in the family, he was spoiled rotten from the first day he came home. Admittingly, you were guilty of spoiling him, too. You were twelve when your brother and sister-in- law brought Nicky home. You had fallen in love with him instantly. They had lived with your family during this time. Both were only nineteen years old and broke college students who needed the support of family. Her parents forced them to get married within months of finding out about the pregnancy. Your family gave them a home with all of you. They gave them support to finish college and help raise the young baby. It was a team effort, and you took it seriously.

You had been adamant from the very beginning that you had to get up when he cried in the middle of the night. You didn't care if he was up and feeding or just needed a quick diaper change. You had to be there. You had made it your routine to sing to him as he was cradled in his mothers arms to get him to go back to sleep. “You Are My Sunshine” was the only thing that got him to sleep. You don't even know how many times you sang that song to him as he grew up. It was probably hundreds. The nickname sunshine just stuck after that. You don't think that he has ever called you anything else in his thirteen years of life.

As you grew older and more ‘responsible’, you took him everywhere with you. He was always your little buddy attached to your hip. Even after they moved out and into their own home. You were always there looking after him. Taking him to get ice cream, taking him to the park, babysitting so his parents could go out and enjoy themselves. You never minded and always watched him for free. You were always happy to help take care of him because you loved him and he loved you.

It was obvious to you…and your dad why you got custody after their passing. Your mother, however, was furious that he wasn't placed with her and your dad after the will was read. She didn't think you could raise a child. She held any and all past mistakes you have made against you. Sure, you may have partied some in your late teens and early twenties, but you never hurt anyone. Sure, your taste in men was questionable at the time and found yourself in a bad situation once where you still have nightmares every now and then, but you have learned. You grew up. She didn't trust you and was waiting for you to fail. That absolutely hurt, but you were going to prove her wrong. With or without her help.

You were going to prove her wrong.

Sneakers squeaked against the shiny polished gym floor as you watched Nicky run around the school's gymnasium with his new friends. He looked happy as he passed the ball back and forth with two others. You might not like basketball, and the bleachers might hurt your ass as you sit there, but he was happy. You take a minute to look around discreetly as possible and see that it was painfully obvious that all the other parents knew each other. They all sat huddled together in the middle of the wooden bleachers talking as you sat on the outskirts by yourself. You felt awkward like an outsider who wasn't invited to join the party. You felt like you were too old to feel like this.

It was embarrassing.

The gym door opening loudly caught your attention, making you turn your head at the sound. Two men…strike that. Two very good-looking men came walking in carrying bags and a white plastic table between them. You figure they must be the coaches as you watch them set up the table before placing several stacks of paper out all lined up in a perfectly neat row. You think you hear some giggling behind you from some of the mothers. It makes you want to roll your eyes. You watch as the taller, tattooed man goes out on the court to round up the boys. The handsome blonde one with the serious eyes comes to stand in front of the bleachers.

Okay, you can see why they were giggling.

“Okay, I see we have some new faces here this year. Please make sure you read our handbook thoroughly with your child. We have rules here for a reason, and I expect them to be followed. Teamwork and above all else safety is our number one priority,” he says, addressing all the adults in a very unenthusiastic voice. He seems bored, like he has given this same spiel many, many times before. “Every weekday, we have practice after school from 4 to 6:30, and we expect each player to have a guardian here….”

You really didn’t care to listen to the rest of his speech. If their handbook was so important, then everything would be in there. You let your mind drift and eyes wander back to your nephew. He was in a big circle on the opposite side of the gymnasium. He was paying attention and nodding along to whatever the other man was saying. You were never one for team sports. You definitely didn't play them, and the only time you went to watch something was in high school, and you spent the whole time under the bleachers with your friends doing things you shouldn't have been doing.

Both your brothers had played basketball, ran track and anything else they had time for. Your brother had a basketball in Nicky's hand as soon as he could. They truly bonded over it. That's why it kind of surprised you when he told you about playing. He's been pushing everything away that reminded him of his parents. He even asked you not to have any pictures of them out. You don't blame him and you know it's not healthy, but you wanted him to heal in his own time. If he wants to embrace playing again then you will damn sure make sure he plays.

“Is that clear?” Blondie asks, knocking you back into reality as you see his eyes settle on you for a brief moment.

“Yes, Coach Min,” everyone says at the same time. Oh shit! Maybe you should have paid attention.

Blondie, aka coach Min, turns back to the court as observes the boys who have started to stretch with his arms crossed. Suddenly, a woman dressed way too fancy with a little too much makeup on her face, takes a seat next to you. The amount of perfume that emitted off her body made you want to recoil away from her. You wonder if she is here to support her son or to try and catch the attention of one of the coaches. She gives you an obvious fake smile and looks around quickly before opening her mouth to speak.

“Hi, I'm Ara. My son Jisung is the shooting guard on the team. I just wanted to let you know that our children have been on this team for years now. They have been playing together since they were 8. They're champions. Don't expect your boy to start and take a position away from one of us. We don't need anyone new,” she informs you with the same sugary sweet smile. “I just don't want you to waste your time by being here. I'm sure you have more important things to do.”

“Well, Ara, it's a good thing I don't give a shit about you or your positions,” you say back just as sweetly.

You watch her smile drop and huff her way back to her seat, sitting with her minions once again. The man seated a little ways away from you starts chuckling. You ignore him and try to focus on Nicky and how he is doing, but the man slides over next to you.

“No one ever tells her off,” he informs you. “Thank you for that. I'm Mark.”

“Y/N,” you say, introducing yourself, but don't actually look at him. You weren't looking to make friends. Especially with parents who think they are better than everyone else.

“They are just jealous,” the man, Mark, proceeds to tell you. “They try to run off anyone new that comes on to the team. Especially if the mom comes with their child. Unfortunately, their tactics usually work.”

“So, this is like high school drama bullshit?” You ask, still not looking at him.

“Pretty much,” he confirms, nodding his head.

“That's just great,” you say sarcastically.

You go back to watching the boys on the court. The squeaking shoes were annoying, and your ass was definitely going to be asleep by the end. You can feel the heated glares that were focused on your back from the mothers sitting behind you. Their whispers were loud enough to know that they were talking about you, but quiet enough that you couldn't make out any details. Four months. Four long months. That was how long this damn thing was going to last, and he better freaking enjoy it.

As both whistles blow, you follow along with the parents as they stand up and depart the uncomfortable bleachers. You line up right with them as they all take a piece of paper from each stack on that white plastic table. You thumb through what you just picked up as the boys do some team huddle. Medical clearance, league rules, team handbook, a team / player picture form, uniform payment, travel schedule.

“Damn,” you say softly to yourself as you take it all in.

Your eyes widen slightly as you see the prices on the pictures and the cost of the uniforms. Not to mention the gas your car will burn through traveling. Some of these places were an hour and a half away. Unfortunately, you may have to ask your parents for help. Sure, your dad pays you too much for your little job, but kids are expensive. Most of your paycheck goes toward food. You didn't realize boys never stopped eating.

“Hello, I'm Coach Jeon,” the tall tattooed man says, introducing himself. “Nicky is our only new player this year, and it's nice seeing fresh faces. I just wanted to say that he did an awesome job today, and I’m looking forward to working with him more.”

“That's great,” you say, looking for your nephew who is getting his bag around.

“He's going to fit in perfectly,” he says, smiling brightly at you, easing your worries. “Have a good evening.”

You give him an awkward smile and wave as he walks away. That made you feel good about your decision. He was going to fit in perfectly. He wasn’t going to be the new weird kid with no parents. He was making friends. He was making a new life. You were making a new life, and for once, you weren't going to mess up. Despite the odds being against you. Despite your mother not believing in you. You were going to be the best damn pseudo parent ever.

Hopefully.

《Chapter Two》

A/N 2 : As of right now, I don't know how many chapters this will be. I will update the story masterlist as I go.

Tagged Readers:

@busanbby-jjk , @ jajabro, @wobblewobble822 , @mintedagustd , @yoongiiuu93, @jincapableoflove , @redragdoll, @seoullove96

[azrielbrainrot]

I'll Be Here

Pairing: Azriel x Healer!Reader

Description: You feel a little out of place at a celebration in the House of Wind and a certain Shadowsinger comes to the rescue.

Word Count: 3605

Warnings: None

Notes: I had this stuck in my head and decided to just write it down. I'm not really a writer so bear with me please. Hope you enjoy!

Healer!Reader Masterlist

It's hard to keep an eye on how much wine you drink when the glasses get refilled magically. You've heard that this house has a consciousness of its own. Maybe it can sense your growing anxiety and keeps filling your glass in hopes of helping ease your mind a little. The more you drink the more worried you get, the thought that getting too drunk will only put you at a higher risk of embarrassing yourself having infiltrated your brain and pushed all the rational thoughts out. Big gatherings aren't exactly your cup of tea and the fact that this one was personally hosted by your High Lord didn't exactly help ease your nerves.

You've visited the House of Wind before but always as a part of your duties. Though it was because of your duties you were invited to this dinner so maybe you could add this attendance as part of your job. The High Lord and High Lady decided to invite notable people in Velaris for a night of celebrating the thriving city. After losing its High Lord for decades and the war that followed his release, Velaris went through some tough times but with the help of its people - most of them gathered in this space tonight - the city was once again prospering.

As a healer you usually see the High Lord and his Inner Circle in a state of emergency, when your abilities are needed and there's usually no time for formalities or worries. Every time you encounter them outside of those situations you never know what to make of yourself. You wouldn't say you're completely inept at social situations but you're definitely a lot better at handling them when they involve your patients and you have a job to do, something more important to focus on than choosing the right thing to say.

Your relationship with the Inner Circle is professional albeit friendly. It's hard not to feel your heart warming at the cupcakes the General insisted on buying you for helping heal his wings even after explaining that you actually only helped on his recovery process. Every time he drops by the clinic to pick up any herbs or ointments he insists on buying you one - though you suspect it's also an excuse to get one for himself - and when you see him out and about he demonstrates how healthy his wings are, having done it just before dinner when he was in charge of flying you up to the house. The painting the High Lady personally painted for you, as an acknowledgement of your efforts during the war, hangs right behind your desk in your office at the clinic and is one of your most important possessions.

This would be the kind of relationship anyone would kill to have with their employees - friendly acquaintances. But, since you were there for some of their most intimate moments and helped them through them, you never know how to act when you're not doing your job. You can't exactly call them your friends, even putting the fact that is your High Lord and High Lady aside, outside of work you only exchange some pleasantries whenever you bump into them. However there's too much knowledge for you to act completely professional after decades of nursing them and their family back to health. It feels awkward to shake their hands when they have hugged you with tears in their eyes, thanking you for saving their family.

There's also the tiny detail of the crush you've harbored on the resident shadowsinger ever since you first laid eyes on him. On top of trying to walk the line between friends and strangers with everyone else, you also have to be careful with not letting the observant Spymaster find out about the beat your heart skips when you see him. Making things awkward because of a silly crush is the last thing you need.

It's that reminder and the monumental effort you have to make not to let your eyes search for him that has you finally sneaking out of the room, deciding to find a quiet place to sober up. The House had fed you too much wine, and you still had to be flown back down at the end of the night. You'd really hate to throw up on Cassian's fancy suit. He probably wouldn't buy you cupcakes ever again.

You remember some of your surroundings after decades of being called in for emergencies, quickly finding one of the huge balconies overlooking the city. The fresh air grounds you almost immediately. You can still hear the muffled sounds of the ongoing party but the quietness of the mountain lets you get lost in thought. As much as you enjoy the liveliness of the nightlife in Velaris, you infinitely prefer the quietness and freedom only the woods or mountains at night can provide. When it's only you, the moon and the stars, and the world stops.

You don't know how long you sit there for, leaning on the railing and looking into the distance, wondering why your healing abilities work on some forms of poison but not on sobering you up. Your head only comes back to earth when you hear a familiar voice calling out your name behind you. You turn around fast enough to make you a bit dizzy, leaning back against the railing with wide eyes.

“Didn't mean to scare you,” the shadowsinger explained, “I just noticed you were gone from the room.” You spot the way he's bringing his wings closer to his body, making himself smaller, if that were even possible. Azriel made you feel a lot of things but you hadn't felt scared of him in decades, ever since the first time you met him. If you hadn't been already tipsy and distracted thinking about him you wouldn't have reacted so dramatically.

Realizing the spymaster of this court had just found you wandering around his house unattended, you rush to apologize and give him an explanation.

“I'm sorry. I needed some fresh air and remembered there was a balcony around here. I shouldn't have left the party without permission.” You make to move back, showing you were ready to go back to the party but he raises a hand and takes a step closer to you, stopping you before you can.

“You're not a stranger to this house. No need for permission,” he took another tentative step towards you before continuing, “Do you feel better now?” You relax back against the railing, your heart beating fast for a whole different reason now. It's not often you get to see Azriel out of his leathers and you barely had a chance to see him up close tonight, he looks mesmerizing.

“What?” Maybe you didn't sober up as much as you thought. Maybe being this close to Azriel was just an intoxicating experience in itself. Either way your brain was having a hard time catching up to his words and your chest was starting to feel warm.

“You said you needed some fresh air.” There's a glint in his eyes that wasn't there before. Probably realizing that you weren't actually going to be sick. His shadows peak behind his shoulders, following their master as they usually do.

“Yes. It was just getting a bit stuffy in there.” Aside from the butterflies creating a hurricane in your stomach, talking to Azriel feels right. His calm demeanor lets your thoughts quiet. “I might have drank too much because of the nerves.”

The Shadowsinger moves until he's leaning against the railing next to you. His eyes wander the illuminated city slowly before meeting yours. Stretched wings hang in what you assume is a less straining position after having to be pulled tighter into his body in the crowded room. Shadows start rolling off his shoulders, now lazing around him instead of covering him. The soft wind moves his hair ever so slightly, letting a few strands curl around his forehead and giving him an almost boyish look. It's not often you see the spymaster appear relaxed. You decide it might be your favorite look on him.

“Nerves?” Your eyes search his face once again after hearing the confusion in his voice. Azriel has a permanent seat at the High Lord's table not only as the Night Court's Spymaster but also as someone Rhysand considers family. This night isn't so different from every other dinner he shares with his family, just more crowded.

“I've never been to this house outside of my duties. It's a bit nerve-wracking to be personally invited by the High Lord.” As you finish speaking one of his shadows curls around his ear. You've learned they do this when they're speaking to him. The thought of it being about you has your heart speeding up. Only the Mother knows just how much those shadows can see and hear, if they can hear your thoughts. You check your mental shields just in case. They can be as terrifying as they are beautiful.

“Rhys and Feyre couldn't have thrown a party celebrating the strength and courage the people of Velaris have shown without one of our best healers. You've helped more people than we could ever thank you for.” The warmth you felt in your chest before was now spreading up your neck at an alarming rate. You had just been doing your job but being recognized for it felt incredibly rewarding. The fact that this praise came from the shadowsinger was making you especially giddy. “Rhys invited you because you're very important to this court, to us.”

“I am?” The question comes out before your brain has a chance to catch up. You try not to cringe at the surprise in your tone. It's not that you're not aware of your capabilities, the High Lord and High Lady either call for you or for Madja, one of the most powerful and wise healers you have ever seen. But old insecurities will always show their claws, indifferent to your achievements. To think that you could be important to all these extremely powerful people seemed like the punchline to a joke.

“Of course.” His body turns to you ever so slightly. Fingers uncurl as if he wanted to reach out, comfort you. “None of us would be here in good health if it wasn't for you, maybe not at all. You've helped us more times than I can count.”

“I was just doing my job. And I can't take credit for Madja, I'm usually just assisting her.”

“Even so, you've helped us through a lot.” He sounded very sincere, there was no denying he meant every word, but you still have a hard time believing it.

“I just don't think I really fit in here,” you whispered so low that if it wasn't for his fae hearing he wouldn't have been able to make out the words. The admission felt heavy in the air, it felt good to let it out. You hadn't been this honest with anyone, perhaps even yourself, in decades, you must have drank way more wine than you initially thought.

You weren't born in Velaris, but you've lived here for a century. The problem is you've spent the better part of that century waiting on feeling like you finally belonged. You never felt at home in your own court or in your family so it might have been wishful thinking that it would happen here.

“I think like that sometimes too.” As baffled as you were to hear that coming from him, he looked even more surprised than you. It seems he hadn't meant to say that out loud, but the words couldn't be taken back now.

“That's insane,” you try to level your voice after the outburst, "You're part of this family. Why wouldn't you fit in?” You couldn't let him think like that, there was no doubt in your mind everyone here loved and cherished him like family.

Rhysand's inner circle was known for how close they were, they were seen as the High Lord's family regardless of if they were blood related or not. Azriel has always been calmer and you know he likes to keep to himself but you never thought he looked out of place for a second. It's hard to imagine Rhysand and Cassian without his brother.

His eyes were trained on the city under you. His shadows had come back to him, almost covering him completely. Azriel was quiet for a while, long enough you thought he wouldn't even give you an answer. But then you feel a shield form around you, lest someone wanders in and hears his next words.

“Sometimes things and people change while you stay stuck in the same place,” his eyes meet yours as he talks and you search his expression for the rest of the story you know he won't tell. If there's one thing you hate about the shadowsinger is his ability to mask his emotions. His face was the perfect stoic mask as always.

It's not hard to understand what he meant. In less than a decade the inner circle almost doubled and some of the dynamics had likely changed with it. His brothers have found their mates, something every fae dreams of, and he was the odd one out. Even the Morrigan and Amren had found lovers in recent years.

You had heard some rumors he had taken a liking to the middle Archeron sister after pining for the lovely Morrigan for centuries, but she had also found her mate. Not even his methods of interrogation could make you admit you were avoiding the entire inner circle during that time. The hope you had felt upon realizing he wasn't looking at Morrigan like she hung all the stars in the sky was short lived and it only made you feel pathetic. You didn't understand why it had affected you so much. This was just a silly crush after all, you had never considered actually pursuing a relationship with the shadowsinger.

“I still don't understand how Amren got a lover before you.” You had meant to clear the heavy air between you but why your brain decided to use the millennia old creature to do so was beyond you. “I mean she's just…” you continue, startled by your own words, praying to the Mother that the shield he put up stopped Amren from hearing you, “Well, she's fae now but wasn't before and is still mildly terrifying, even after the transition, and you're so-” Wide eyes meet hazel and nothing could ever prepare you for the look on his face. The amusement shone bright in his eyes and in the teasing grin he wore. Just when you thought the shadowsinger couldn't get any more beautiful.

“I'm so?” He tilts his head a little as he asks the question. His shadows start almost dancing around him, like they can't wait to hear your thoughts on their singer. You clear your throat before continuing, trying to salvage some of your dignity.

“You're the Spymaster, the only known Shadowsinger. That's incredible, anyone would be lucky to have you.” Something flashes in his eyes and your mouth starts back up at the thought that it could be disappointment at the impersonal description. Azriel is much more than his role in this court and you can't let him think that's all you see in him.

“You're also one of the kindest people I've ever met. I've seen you worry over every single person in that room, putting their needs over your own even when you're also injured. You always keep your composure for them and give them your support. I've seen you around Velaris too, you're always respectful to everyone, even when they're a bit scared of you.” Eyes drag themselves back to the shiny stars in the night so you can keep going without wanting to jump off the balcony and making an even bigger fool of yourself. “Even as far as looks go... I would bet my house that if we walked down any of these streets we wouldn't find anyone that doesn't think you're stupidly handsome.”

“Stupidly handsome?” The amusement was dripping down his voice at this point. The smile was unmistakable in his tone and you couldn't hold yourself back from watching him any longer. You feel yourself relax at the grin plastered on his face. It isn't often that the shadowsinger shows any emotion at all, and you can't help the pride in knowing you put that gorgeous smile on his face, especially after the somber turn the conversation had taken earlier. You continue despite the warmth you feel in your ears, you'd compliment him for hours if it meant he wouldn't feel sad ever again.

“I've actually heard someone use those exact words to describe you.” You've thought it to be the most accurate description of the immense beauty the shadowsinger radiates ever since you heard the barista use it. Apparently she hadn't been born in Velaris and had taken up the job only a few days prior to serving the illyrian. She had barely held the compliment down long enough for Azriel to exit the building, shooting up into the sky. A few fae present couldn't contain the laugh at the fervent appreciation of the shadowsinger, but the air of agreement shared by everyone was unmistakable.

“I'll have to let my mom know,” there was laughter in his tone, “I'm sure she will be very proud that her son is receiving such compliments.” You hadn't known his mother was still alive which makes you think it's meant to be kept secret. You almost curse at the way your heart flutters. Stupid crushes.

“I'm sure she is very proud of you regardless.” He doesn't give away any hint of what might be going through his brain and it leaves you in a slight panicked fear of overstepping or having said the wrong thing. You could swear you saw a glint of disbelief but it was gone too fast for you to be sure. The idea that the Spymaster couldn't see his own mother being proud of him was ludicrous to you.

The nod he gives you doesn't give any of his thoughts away, but his shadows keep moving slowly around the balcony, never rushing to cover him.

“Why are you single then?” You know he's changing the subject but you don't have time to consider that when you realize it's your turn to answer the questions.

“Me?” You barely register the slight nod he gives to show you he's expecting an answer. If you had shadows of your own they would have wrapped around you like a blanket until only the top of your hair was peaking out. “How do you know I am? Are you using your spies on me, Spymaster?”

“I have to be well informed of what happens in this city,” he searches your face just like you did to him, “And as the spymaster I'm more than familiar with deflection. You don't have to answer my question. Tell me if I'm overstepping”

“No. It's-” you cringe, trying to find the right words. “I just never found anyone special I guess.” Even talking about this with him has your heart swelling in your chest and you pray to the mother he can't pick up on any changes in your heartbeat. You've been avoiding this conversation with family and friends, but despite all this you know Azriel will understand and won't make fun of your feelings. It feels safe talking to him. “I get really busy sometimes so it's hard to keep up a proper relationship, even with friendships. Sometimes people need more time than what I can give them.” You try not to think of all the times you didn't measure up to other people's expectations, when they didn't see you as enough for the trouble.

“They're idiots for letting you go.” You don't know if he's being polite in not mentioning how your heart keeps speeding up or if he thinks you're drunker than you are, but you thank every deity you can think of that he doesn't say anything.

“Some things just aren't meant to be.” You hope he doesn't insist on this conversation. There isn't much else to say and you'd rather not keep talking about how many times you'd gotten dumped. You consider pointing out he never gave you a reason for being single and that he was the one actually deflecting, but you don't want to push what clearly isn't an easy topic for him to discuss either. You suspect Azriel barely opens up with anyone, so you'll just treasure the brief look into his heart he allowed you before.

The rest of your night is spent with the shadowsinger, sitting in that balcony, watching the stars and talking about anything. The next day you'll sit in bed mortified, thinking about how you were doing most of the talking while he listened, but he had seemed content enough so you couldn't have been too annoying. When the party ended you had said your goodbyes to your hosts, without the previous nerves after your conversation with the shadowsinger. Feyre had even asked you if you were alright because she also noticed you leaving in the middle of the party, though something about the glint in her eyes told you she had gotten the wrong idea. Then Azriel had flown you down the steps and winnowed you to your front door - even though you could do it yourself. Maybe you'd have to rethink calling the inner circle your friends.

[leviismybby]

If only I knew

Levi Ackerman x fem!reader, angsty angst, slight fluff but not too much

With the titans being gone and the world healing, people move on Levi Ackerman is no exception, he sits outside on the balcony, his eyes looking at people who pass down below. Every single one of them has their own story, their own struggles and challenges. He wondered sometimes what the story was of that old baker down the street that sells those sweet pastries he brings to the kids he is helping sometimes or that woman who always went on evening walks. He sees families, couples, mothers with their children, all of them with a different life than his own. 

Levi wasn't going to complain, this was the peace he fought for, he wishes sometimes that the people he cared about were still here but he learned to accept his freedom and stop feeling guilty about it, this is what they would want for him. As he looks at a young couple pass by, his thoughts wander back to you. How were you? Have you been doing good? Have you moved on from him? He thinks about you way too much and wonders if you think about him too. What if it was different? What if you were here with him? Enjoying the morning air just like he is....

He shakes his head and takes the now cooled-down cup of tea on the table next to him, he catches himself doing what he told himself not to do, going through all of those what-ifs that do nothing but put him in a spiral of thought. It's a habit he is working on getting rid of, there is nothing he has if he keeps living in the past. Levi has no regrets, that what he tells himself but, you were his regret, he regretted not going back to you and if he could go back in time for only one minute, he would go back to you.

His memories of you are still crystal clear, he hasn't forgotten what you looked like, how could he? You were his first and only love.

The underground wasn't a pleasant place to live, Levi scoffs as he cleans the floor, he tries to be quiet not to wake you up as you're still sleeping. His eyes look at the clock from time to time, he wonders if Furlan and Isabele have managed to get themselves a decent breakfast, he left them a note where hid some of the food supplies. He spent the night at your place, recently finding it a guilty pleasure of his. Does he feel bad for lying to his friends about where he is? Yes, he does. Does he feel like it's a need to keep you safe? Yes, he does. Both of them know about you and that you're Levi's girlfriend but Levi likes to keep your relationship a secret as much as he can.

As he continues to clean the floor, he eventually hears footsteps coming his way and looks up to see you leaning against the doorframe watching him clean. Your place wasn't big, you had two rooms, one was used as your bedroom and the other as your kitchen. "Well good morning, handsome." You smile as you speak and Levi rolls his eyes as he stands up. "Didn't I tell you to stop with the nicknames?" The smile doesn't leave your face, you can't help but tease him, it's your favorite thing to do. "No, you're handsome."

He approaches you and gives you a quick kiss on the lips. "Since you're already trying to suck up from the early fucking morning. Have about you make the bed while I make breakfast?" You groan. "Fine, we did leave it a mess." Levi can't help but let the side of his lip quirked up slightly, you two were rather intense any time you made love, he enjoyed it thoroughly. "Of course we did, you're a wild one in the sheets."

That morning when you two were eating breakfast, he noticed a discomfort on your face. "Name, what's the matter?" You rub your neck, feeling nausea again, the fourth morning in a row. "I am...fine just.." You stop for a second taking a deep breath. "I feel like I have to throw up." Quickly you stand up from the table and bend over the skin to throw up, Levi follows swiftly behind you, holding your hair and rubbing your back gently. After you're done, he reaches for the napkin and wipes your mouth before cleaning the sink as you sit down. "It's most likely a flu, Furlan had it last week." Levi says as he kneels before you and puts his hand over your lap. "Rest, I'll take care of everything."

Levi's memory trip is interrupted by his doorbell ringing, he stands up and takes his cane and makes his way to the door, cursing his leg. Opening the door, his eyes go slightly wide as he sees Jean and Connie, now both even more mature than the last time he saw them. They were in their early twenties now, both mature men, well as mature as Jean and Connie can get anyway. "You two...this is a surprise." Levi says and steps aside to let them in, usually when any of them visit they sent a letter prior so something must've happened for them to come all the way here.

"How's your leg, ca- Levi?" Jean almost face palms at Connie's slip-up, he didn't blame him however, it was a force of habit and long years of Levi being the Survey Corps captain. "It has its days. I don't need the shitty wheelchair today, at least not yet." He says as he leads them into the living room to sit down, they sit down on the sofa opposite Levi who sits down on a chair. "Do you two want something to drink?" Levi asks despite the fact that he can see that the two were in a hurry to tell him something. "No thank you. We won't be long." Jean says and takes his hat off. "We uh, the reason for our visit is tho." He pulls out a photo from his coat pocket and puts it on the table in front of Levi.

Levi arches an eyebrow for a second before taking a look at the photograph. There's silence for a few moments, this time it's Connie that speaks again. "We got it from Historia, she got the file for the newest recruits who just signed up for the military and when she came across the photo, she immediately called us." Of course, the new rule on Paradis is that you have to be 16 years of age to sign up to train for the military, Historia can't do much about the tight grip that the new regiment has on people but she made sure that kids no longer have to train at early age.

Silence falls over the room again as Levi observed the person in the photo. “This boy…..he looks familiar…” Levi takes a look at the photo better, thousands of questions going on through his mind. Jean and Connie look at each other, not knowing how to approach the situation, Jean clears his throat before speaking. “That's why we brought you that picture, we thought you might be able to tell us who it is.”

Levi keeps looking at the photograph. “And how old is he? Do you know?” He looks up, his face showing curiosity. “He is 16.” Connie’s words seem to leave Levi thinking even more. 16 years old…he saw you last 16 years ago. “16….” Levi sighs and looks at the photo again, his eyes pay close attention to the boy’s hair, jaw and eyes. His eyes darted over the mirror in the hallway then back at the image in his hand. 

Dammit name. Levi says in his head, this boy had his features, his gray eyes, his sharp jaw, the dark hair, those nose all of it, his. He looks at Jean and Connie who are both waiting for an explanation, an explanation that Levi does not have, he does not doubt that this is his kid but he cannot tell them something he didn't even know about. Now he starts to feel stupid, no wonder you were having all of those sick mornings and suddenly started to crave food that you usually had a dislike for, you were pregnant, pregnant with his baby. Another money creeps into his mind...

"Be careful." You say as you watch Levi put the gear on. "Why are these people after you anyway?" He doesn't answer you as he focuses on strapping his gear on the right. "I don't know. All I know is that I have to go above ground to kill that blondie." Blondie? He must be referring to that tall blonde guy, the one you saw last week wearing a dark green cloak with wings of freedom on it. "I am doing this for us. If I get my hands on those papers we can finally go live above ground." He approaches you and wraps his hands around your waist, his eyes locked with yours. "I'll be back." Levi says, taking your face in his hands when he notices your eyes get watery. "When?" Your voice is shaky. "I'll be back." He repeats his words before kissing you passionately.

"We just, never saw you with anyone that way so it was a surprise to see the photo." Jean's voice interrupts Levi's train of thought, he sighs putting the photo on the desk. "There was someone before I joined the Survey Corps....Name." The way your name rolled off his lips after so many years makes it almost painful for Levi, as much as it's hard for him to speak, he continues. "She was someone I met when I was young in the underground, we were together for a long time before I went above ground with Erwin and Miche."

Connie knows that he should let Levi speak but his curiosity gets the best of him. "What happened? Did you not go back for her?" That question hurts Levi, not because he didn't try to go back to you but because he did and when he went back, you weren't there. "I did, so many times. I let myself be stopped by the suffering of my comrades too many times but I did. About two years after writing letters to her and her never responding, I went back and she...was gone. Her stuff was still there, most of it scarred across the floor like someone had broken in. I went back above ground and accepted two options, one that she was either dead, killed by the criminals in the underground or that she parished into the dirty streets and died of illness.....she was feeling ill before I left and of course, it never clicked in my mind that she was pregnant with my child."

Jean and Connie listen as Levi talks, even they can feel the dread and longing from his voice. "So I left it. Buried it deep in me with only memories of her to hold. But this.." He takes a photo of his son in his hand again, he closes his eyes for a moment trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. "Changes everything. Do you know more about him? His name?" They shake their heads, maybe Historia did tell them a name but they were too in shock from seeing the photo to react. "I think Queen Historia would be welcome to speak with you over the telephone, the problem is it's hard to reach her."

"No." Levi says. "I will speak to her personally, I need to know more." It was a sentence Levi didn't think he would ever say, going back to a place that considers him a traitor. His son may be one of those people for all he knows, he did grow up on Paradis but he has faith in you, that you told him about his father. He would understand if you didn't too, you had every right to after how he left. "Are you sure that's smart? People on Paradis are rather hostile with former members of the survey corps." They were telling Levi what he already knew, he reads the newspapers and listens to the radio, he knows better than anyone the injustice the new regiment does to him and his fallen friends and comrades however, it's his son, his flesh and blood. As much he wishes that he was strong enough to let it go, he can't, even if you remarried, even if you forgot him, he had to see you again, to meet his he didn't know even existed until about thirty minutes ago.

"I know and it probably isn't smart. That won't stop me, now that I know about him...I can't let it go."

---------------------------------------------------

Levi can't move, it's like he is stuck in one place. He holds onto his cane as he watches from afar, his breath hitches in his throat. His son is just a few steps away but it's like something is holding Levi back as just stands there, looking at him. Regret starts to creep in again, he was 16, and Levi has missed so much of his life, he missed his first steps, his first words, his first day of school. Leo, that was his name, Armin told him when he came to Paradis.

It has changed a lot, there are a lot of familiar places but yet they seem so foreign, he can see his comrades in every corner, hear their laughter. He can see himself in Leo as he trains, very clearly skilled and fast. Levi wanted nothing more than to talk to him, what would he say if he does? He was 41 years old now, will his son hear him out? Does he ever know about him?

There's a loud whistle suggesting that the training is over, Levi's eyes follow Leo as he walks over to the bench and drinks some water. It's like looking in a mirror a few years back, they looked so much alike, it wouldn't take anyone who knew Levi personally to figure out who Leo was. Levi looks away for a moment thinking to himself. If he goes over there and talks to him, he will figure out everything. What happened to you, he would hear his son talk, get to know him if he lets him to.

Instead, Levi turns around, he gulps, trying to surpass the tears in his eyes. Or maybe it's better that his son doesn't get to know him, that you don't see him again. Maybe Levi isn't as strong as he thought he was, he looks back and sees that Leo is talking to his peers, clearly enjoying the company of his friends. That makes Levi smile slightly, he seems like a good guy, he didn't expect otherwise, you raised him. Levi was about to call out but then he sees someone approach Leo again, this time he knows who it is, it was you.

Levi's eyes go wide and he moves a little closer, not enough for you two to see him but enough for him to hear your conversation. "Hey ma." Leo smiles at you as you sit next to him. "Here you go, now remember to return the basket after you're done." Levi watches as Leo takes a look at the basket, his hands going through it. "Ma, I told you not to bake. I can't have too much sweets in my diet." Despite his words, he takes a bite out of a cookie, Levi knows himself how good of a cook you are, he can almost taste the flavor in his mouth.

You were stunning, you matured and Levi couldn't find you more beautiful. He is happy for you, happy that his son has so much respect and love for you. Leo finishes the cookie and then takes the basket from you, his mouth full of food. "Leo, slow down." You scold, putting your hands on your hips. "Sorry ma, missed your cooking." There's something that you feel on your back, like someone is looking at you from afar and what's worse is that it feels like deja vu, like you have felt that type of stare before.

You turn around and Levi is quick to hide behind a wall, he sees that you keep looking for a couple of minutes. "Ma? Is everything okay?" Leo asks his mother, trying to see what she is looking at. "Yes, it's all fine...I just felt someone looking at me is all." You turn back to face your son and Levi finally sums up the courage, he comes around the corner slightly and starts walking towards you until....

"So ma, how is dad doing?" That stops Levi in his tracks, dad? But he...he was- "He is doing good and remember that next time he will be the one visiting so try to act more.... Like a soldier." Leo rolls his eyes at that. "Like hell I will, I am the most skilled one here, it's not like I can't act human just because I have duties to attend." Levi hears the words, unlike him, Leo is putting the people dear to him over duty. You laugh a little and then pinch Leo on the cheek. "Alright now, don't be rude to dad he cares for you."

It was like a dagger to Levi, you did move on, and you did forget him. He turns around not wanting to listen to that conversation anymore, it was killing him inside. His son...doesn't even know about him. If only he knew, if he visited you earlier all those years ago. If only he stayed...while you would've been in the underground, you would've been together and he would have a son that knew him.

-------------------------------------------------- Taglist: @youre-ackermine @the-milk-anon @humanitys-strongest-bamf @romantichomicide95 @mrsackermannx @sixpennydame @svftackerman @hhighkey @cometlevi @notgoodforlife @levisbrat25 @randomlevithoughts @ackermendick @saenora @loveackermannn @levismylover @laurenzitaa @missyasma @sad-darksoul @thebobaprincess @la-undercover-latina @levilxvr @bpdtistic

[lizzy06]

Monoma Neito x Reader Fics Recs!! (Tumblr/Ao3/Wattpad)

My Hero Academia Fic Rec Masterlist

Fake-Dating Trope with Monoma Neito ✨✨by @dira333 /Fogfire(oneshot, fake dating, teaspoon of angst but happy ending)Monoma isn't the best at pretending. But he's good at showing off. [COMPLETED]

Soapsuds✨ by MajesticianWaffle (oneshot, fluff, humor)Reader throws Monoma outside a window and really, it all snowballs from there.[COMPLETED]

pretentious✨ by quirkfics(oneshot, kinda enemies to lovers, end is smutty)There had to be thousands of other people sporting the same thing, but as far as you know, you’re the only one whose ever been openly mocked by a pro hero for wearing it. In front of a live newscaster, no less.[COMPLETED]

It's Just a Kiss ✨by @amaiwrites (oneshot, fluff) Monoma… is broke. That is, until, he starts working part time in Recovery Girl’s office by copying her quirk. It’s all going well until a certain someone shows up with injuries that need to be healed… <apparently pt.2 of this is gonna come out soon>[COMPLETED]

Flustered by orphan_account (oneshot, fluff, suggestive ending) Monoma can't take what he dishes out when it comes to compliments from his love.[COMPLETED]

For Once ✨by im_cal (oneshot, fluff) For once, I thought what was it in you that I liked? [COMPLETED]

You Brat ✨by @knifeewifee (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff) The first words your soulmate say's to you are tattooed on your skin.[COMPLETED]

Choices by @bnhascribbles (oneshot, kinda sad for some reason)In some lifetimes, there are deals you can’t pass on. [COMPLETED]

Coffee Shop Spite by kuronekoqueen (oneshot, enemies to lovers, coffee shop au, co-workers, smut)Without fail, Neito Monoma always seemed to know the correct buttons to push irritate the life out of you. What happens when you finally reach your breaking point with him?[COMPLETED]

Hallow's Eve ✨by liquid_dreams (naga prince! neito, detailed smut, fluff) 'Hey, wanna host this year's Halloween party? Mina's appartment flooded, so she can't host after all.' (-or where you summon a naga prince)[COMPLETED]

Picnic ✨by tater_tati(oneshot, fluff)Monoma + cute picnic date.[COMPLETED]

at your door by fictionpls (oneshot, enemies to lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship) monoma shows up at your doorstep battered and beat; you let him into your warm home and begrudgingly help him back to health.[COMPLETED]

Of Rivals & Summer Love by Veles (mortedeveles)(rivals to friends to lovers, idiots in lover, fluff, humor, normal high school au) Monoma Neito and you had always been rivals, nothing more, and nothing less. However, with the prospect of a memorable school summer trip coming up, friendship and romance in the air, and teenage drama weaving through crowd, your relationship with the blonde begins to change in an unimaginable direction.[COMPLETED]

Pretty Much Like the Kazoo Kid by CmlSan (oneshot, rivals to locers, fluff, mutual pinning)Monoma sucks at flirting. So do you.[COMPLETED]

Something You Never Knew✨ by @jinkicake (oneshot, friends to lovers, slight angst)You wished someone loved you the way you love Monoma.[COMPLETED]

Kami✨ by im_cal(oneshot, historical au, angst)Beautiful moments do not seem to always last.

[astracora]

Aching Bones

Characters: Sylus x gn!mc x Caleb

Warnings: Chronic Illness, Flare up, Autistic Overload, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2183

Written: 2nd April 2025

Notes: Established-relationship with gn!MC with Poly!LADs (Sylus and Caleb centric), with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me. Based on a true story, right now... Chronic illness loves compounding my autism so I just have a really bad time. Oh to have Poly!LADs comfort... Time to see if I can sleep yet...

Masterlist

Everything hurts.

Sore and aching and twisting under your skin. Skin on fire, and yet the shivering and cold won't leave you. No matter how strong the spray of the hot shower water is down your back.

You haven't felt this bad in such a long time, heart thrumming uneven under your ribs, desperate to escape the body that can't sustain it properly.

You imagine the core is just as disappointed as you are, everytime your physical form shuts itself down in favour of uselessness.

Prosthetic abandoned somewhere outside of the shower, you'd barely managed to remove clothing before falling and sprawling under the spray. Your stool stares at you from the side, reminding you it's there just for this, but there's no strength in your body. It attempts to move, only to ache so deep you think your past lives must feel it.

If such a thing is real, you hope they were not weighed down by a body that does not work. That betrays you in every moment. That ignites your feeling of worthlessness. Of shame.

The floor is uncomfortable, digging tiles into your shoulder blade, where your residual limb burns, knives digging into it as all your joints twist and bend against the pain. Years of scar tissue agitated by your body forcing you into a fever as your heart stumbles.

You want to vomit, the nausea in your stomach, and you think if you move just enough you will, spilling emptiness all over the floor and choking on nothing. You cannot stop shivering, and it hurts.

It hurts.

You just want it to stop hurting.

A knock hits the bathroom door, hurried and agitated, and the voice that comes through, normally calm, is harried.

"Kitten, you've been in there for over an hour, are you alright?"

You want to speak, but your voice fails you, absent when you need it every time you are overwhelmed, and you're not sure what to do, fingers trembling. The lack of response is a worry to him, familiar with the moments you have no voice.

When the handle turns, and you see his shoes step across the tile, wading through steam, you hear the crack in his voice again. The ache in his heart, as he moves quick to crouch next to you. His suit soaking through with the stream.

You make a noise of discontent in the back of your throat, small and weak like a wounded animal, but he ignores you. Checking you over for injuries. There is none, nothing outward, nothing physical.

Internally… well it's another matter.

You rarely see Sylus break his countenance. When you're injured right in front of him, in a way he's scared is fatal. When your heart failed you that morning you were cursed. When you fell off a stool trying to lure out that little cat. Always vulnerable with you.

If only the comfort of that assurance was a healing balm, yet you still feel shattered across the ground.

White hair falling over his eyes and red gleaming gaze dulling, he hovers hands over you, before taking an inhale and grounding himself.

"May I pick you up?" You shiver at the voice, solid, stable and secure. It's a voice he uses when he knows you're fraying, and you wish you didn't have to appear so weak in front of him.

He deserves so much better.

You cannot speak, the words lodge in your throat and your voice is nowhere to be found, so you tap once. Finger slow, shaking, but he follows it. Without hesitation then, he lifts you carefully into strong arms, the heat of him more intense than that of the water, and you almost melt against the chest and heartbeat under your cheek.

He moves the stool against the wall, and places you against it, securing you there and with his EVOL for good measure. You slump back without falling. Inhaling a breath that hurts your chest so much to take, and shiver. Vaguely watching through closing eyes as Sylus busies himself. Collecting the shampoo you use, the body wash, filling a basin so he can work easier.

You want to fight him, he's busy and he should be doing something better than this, but he ignores the look you give him. Ignores the way you try to grasp at the hem of his soaked shirt, and begins to help you clean.

Washing away the grime, easing the ache somewhat with hands that are only ever gentle for you.

He is careful around your limb, easing careful hands over your cheeks, running long fingers through your hair. A kiss pressed to your cheekbone, quick and fleeting so the sensation does not become painful. He keeps a hand on yours, paying attention to the taps.

One, yes that's fine.

Two, it hurts.

Avoiding areas where your skin burns too much. Where you feel like a raw nerve.

It takes far longer than it should, and when he is done, he kneels at your feet, free hand on your cheek.

"Can you eat?"

You're not sure, you should. You know that, but the idea is exhausting to think about. You could barely stand, moving your arm proves even harder on you.

He watches you try to move it, attempting to flex your hand rather than weakly twitch your finger, and he chuckles low and soft, "Are you hungry?"

One tap.

You are, even if you're not sure if you can keep it down. Even if you're not able to make anything for yourself. You're hungry.

You cannot take medication on your empty stomach either.

He places his hands on you again, one arm slipping behind your back, and the other releasing your hand to cradle you under your knees. His chest is warm, comfortable, and safe. There are very few places you would rather be. Trusting him not to drop you, even if you still aren't sure how he puts up with you as you are.

Fragile pieces stuffed under flesh that does not fit.

He wraps one of his bathrobes around you, it's thin but the fabric doesn't bite your skin, and brings you into the kitchen. Where Caleb moves around, his uniform half on. Coat, tie and hat discarded, shirt loosened.

The noise that escapes you is akin to a squeak, and it draws his attention to you in Sylus' arms. From the three different pots he is stirring.

"I've got three different types of soup for you Pipsqueak, so you can have whichever you prefer."

He doesn't comment any further on why he's there, or why there's a splash of tomato up his sleeve.

When Sylus puts you down in a chair, beginning to dry you off with a towel, he places your tablet in front of you.

Weak fingers press at the screen, and while you misspell some words, you're glad the text to speech your partners developed works around it, "Don't you two have work?"

"Not at all."

"I have the day off."

You manage a glare but it's more twitchy than you'd like, and neither of them are looking at you. Too focused on their tasks.

"Really?" You try again, tapping your finger on the table to point at Caleb.

They're smiling to themselves, you can feel the quirk of Sylus' lips from where he presses a kiss to the back of your neck, "Now, I'm sure I said I didn't Kitten. Didn't I, Tin-man?"

"I heard you. Did you hear me, Crow?" Caleb grins, his twinkling eyes turning to you for a moment with affection.

"My old age hasn't affected my hearing yet, so of course."

You could argue with them but it's hard enough to type without fighting against two of the most stubborn men you know. Walking through fire would be easier, than swaying them when it came to you.

When you're dry, unable to wear your normal clothes while your skin is so sensitive, you sit with Sylus' arm around you, drawing patterns into your hip to ground you to that pinpoint. Your eyes droop while you watch Caleb cook, and it's not long that three bowls are placed on the table and he joins you.

"Tomato." You type out, eyeing up the thing he's made for you since you were young. Since that first flare up clashed with your overloads and sent you spiraling into overwhelm and sensory agony. Shaking on the floor, as your heart screeched.

Caleb is practiced in taking care of you in so many ways, all the times you hid from him when you were unwell, all the times you tried to fight through it alone. He learned how to dig under layers, and fit himself into the slot that could support your foundations before they crumbled. Refusing to let you be alone.

What your other partners had not learned on their own in his absence, slowly figuring out limits and when to accept you were fine versus when you were not and simply forcing yourself, he has helped fill in in his presence.

It is a dangerous situation, when five people know you so well, that they can catch where you fall. That they know you so well, they know where you hide, and pull you back out of the shadows into the light.

You have felt like a burden for so very much of your life.

It is such a hard thing to shake.

As Caleb carefully feeds you, Sylus watches, "Tara informed Zayne you were sick."

It's not an accusation, you think, but you flinch anyway, almost getting soup down your front. On expensive silk, though you doubt Sylus would care. He has eased your fear over clumsiness before now.

Caleb pauses so you can type away, "Text Jenna for the day off. Dropped phone, no energy to find it."

It feels like an excuse, you'd promised them you'd tell them when you were sick going forwards. After that night when the four of them found you broken and bleeding. After the cat curse stole your power and your confidence.

You promised you'd tell them. You'd promised. The guilt hurts and aches and twists but the man smiles at you. Warm red crinkling at the edges, as he smooths his thumb over your cheek, "You took time off. I'm proud of you, Kitten."

It spears through your chest, and you busy yourself with the food Caleb offers you, relieved for the intense fever that means you do not show how embarrassed the very feeling of being commended touches you.

Every time you have taken sick, you had been forced. The moment you had messaged Captain Jenna requesting the time off. The haze of self hatred, of disgust, of fear. Feelings muddled and twisted like serpents. Snapping and hissing. Telling you over and over that you had to be stronger. Fight through it. Be better.

If you weren't you were worthless.

It felt like fighting forwards while dragging the weight of the world behind you. Just to say you needed help. Needed time.

You promised to try harder, to reach out. Every time is hard, every time it aches. Feels like you're betraying everyone who trusts you. Every time you fight through just a little bit more.

The pride in warm eyes tells you that you have taken a worthy step. Small, and nervous, and stumbling to the ground, but a step.

You let yourself believe that it's worth the pride.

You are only able to eat half of the soup before you begin to feel the nausea rising, and your body fighting through chokes and coughs. Shivering starting up as medication is offered and water eased down a tight throat. As you are lifted, exhausted and drifting, into familiar arms. A galaxy gazing back at you as you stare up at messy hair and comfort.

Caleb brings you to the freshly made bed, sweat soaked sheets removed and ice packs placed on the side. Your prosthetic is back on its stand, cleaned and wiped down from your reckless treatment of it. You cling to the tablet as he eases you under the covers, helps you remove the bathrobe so you can feel soft sheets against bare skin that burns otherwise.

"Thank you."

He shakes his head like there's no need, like helping you is just second nature. Like it's the only thing he finds worthy in life, and it pulls at your chest for several reasons. Hand twitching out for him.

Shedding layers, he joins you. Arm extended so you can lay against his skin, his shiver as he feels the inferno of your touch, bringing a flush to his cheeks. "I'm always here for you, Pipsqueak. You know that, partners in crime right?"

Always. Through the haze of sleep finally pulling you under so your agonised body can begin its recovery, you feel the other side of the bed dip. A hand on your hip and a kiss to your shoulder.

A reminder that you are allowed to be fragile, weak, and hurt, because someone will be there to put the pieces back together.

[kradogsrats]

Now we know What Viren Did(tm), and...

My personal side-eye aside, that denouement is actually an incredibly elegant application of the story's themes, within the scope of restrictions imposed by this particular medium (i.e. a cartoon targeted for pre-teens and younger). Like, I personally assumed for a long time that we would simply never find out the details, because it would be either too grim and/or violent for the story's intended rating or... kind of a let-down. On the surface, what we got seems like the second.

Most of us have looked at Claudia killing the baby deer to heal Soren's paralysis and went "well, it was obviously that, but y'know... worse, somehow," which is a completely reasonable assumption to make. It was definitely what was narratively implied, which makes the supposedly-damning ingredient being "your mother's tears" instead of like... idk, "your mother was pregnant again and I used the life of that unborn child to save you" or something kind of "... oh. Okay, then."

To be fair, that might also be why they went so hard in the IMO inadvisable male-dominated writer room direction of "so I held her down and took what I wanted" to convey the requisite "he's doing A Bad," which is what all my side-eye is toward. But here's the thing:

On some level, dark magic is about violation—of nature, of others, and of the self. Even violation by Aaravos, ultimately.

But it's also not just that.

Dark magic also sits at the center of one of the primary themes of the whole story, which is the evil of denying others' personhood. We see it again and again from the angle of the heroic cast: "You keep calling it a monster," "You knew he was a person, just like you," "She's not 'the elf.' She's Rayla." The evil they do not allow to take root is seeing people as things, the place where all other evils begin. (GNU Terry Pratchett, IYKYK.)

So Viren's damning crime, the crime that is dark magic, is this:

In that moment, he looks at his wife, and sees only a source of what he needs. One that he can take from as he wills. That's why Lissa leaves—Viren has pulled the circle he draws around "people" versus "abstractions, things to be used" in so tightly that she has found herself suddenly on the outside of it. That's not something you come back from, in a relationship.

As for it all being over something as innocent as Lissa's tears, as opposed to something like her blood, her unborn child, her heart, her last breath—that's also, I think, part of the point. It's a renewable resource, harvested without doing permanent physical harm, but it's still a violation of her. This is the ultimate refutation of the "but what if ethically-sourced phoenix feathers" argument as being, for the final time, bullshit.

When Viren bursts in looking like he walked straight out of hell and demands use of her tears, could Lissa have given them freely? Sure... but she didn't. Could he have talked her around, if he invested the time and respect for her that would require? Probably, but again, he didn't! He took what he'd decided was necessary, did what he decided he had to do, because he could.

And like, he knew, even then. Because while dark magic twists your perceptions and reasoning, dragging you deeper each time—it can't twist you so much that you no longer have a choice. It will do everything it can to make you rationalize making that choice, over and over, but it can't erase that it is a choice.

Like, I'm honestly kind of emotional about it because while the surface level watching experience is kind of hmmmmm, it delivers so well on a thematic and meta level that I'm just like idk. Fuck. It's good.

[st4ytiny]

Cause I don't wanna be in love with another, even in another life

AN: I'm having ateez and stray kids brainrot rn. Rewatching all of skz code and wanteez... LORDDDD IM LEGIT SOBBING I LOVE THEM ALL <33333

Mentions of soft San, fluff with a sligth slice of angst and implied nsfw. Mostly teeth rotting fluff, self indulgent (sorry not sorry)

Sannie who is the kindest guy you've ever met. Many think he's tough and mean, but once you get to know him a bit more, he's actually just a ball of sunshine. He's warm, comforting, gentle, nurturing and healing. Somehow he always has something to say no matter your problem. He has the most gentle touches. Jokes and laughter is also a big part of your time together. He enjoys having his hair played with while he reads. Head in your lap while you do random stuff.

Sannie who loves poetry and loves writing for you. Even if he doesn't have the courage to show it to you. I feel like he's the type of boyfriend to leave you notes around the house with words he can't say in person. The type of boyfriend to crush on his partner, who goes above and beyond to make you feel better if life is shitty atm. He enjoys being your safe haven and feels safe being with you. The boyfriend who can't handle alcohol so whenever you two are out, at an event or dinner with his group, he ends up taking care of you. If he is drinking I have a feeling he's gonna end up in your lap, clinging onto you for dear life. (I feel like he cries alot when he's drunk? THAT ONE TIME HE GOT SCARED BY THE MEMBERS IN THAT WANTEEZ EP. AND CRIED. I LITERALLY SOBBED, MY SANNIE)

Sannie who needs a stong bond to the people he surrounds himself with. I feel like he's attracted to individuals who are older than him. Preferably if you enjoy working out, being outside or is a bit of a nerd. Love has no boundraries for him though. He likes feeling like he's stronger than you, just because he likes being protective. Even though you both know who's gonna be ordering for you two. He is the type of guy to act intimidating if someone approaches you when you're on a date. Then afterwards he's gonna be like "Woah, did I look intimidating just now?", "Woah, Hyung/Noona didn't I look totally badass?" (SOBBING I NEED A BF LIKE HIM, SORRY THIS IS SO SELF INDULGENT)

Sannie who loves being praised for small things. He thives of being helpful for you. ESPECIALLY IF HE IS TALLER THAN YOU. He enjoys watching you while doing the most mundane things. He enjoys the smell that your parfume leaves in the bathroom, or the fog on the mirror. He enjoys seing your favorite colour next to his favorite colour when he's out shopping. Sends you pictures of it with "This is us" attatched to it. I don't feel like gift giving is is biggest love language. BUT i do think he's the type of guy to give you a pretty rock because he thought about you when he saw it.

Sannie who gets stressed and insecure easily. Reassurance is important in your relationship. As well as gentle reminders that you think he is the awesomest. Joking around with him when he's stressed is something that makes him let go of the tension in his shoulders. He loves just sinking into your warm touches at the end of the day. When he's touring or busy, he forces wooyoung to cuddle him while he wants to cry because you're not there. If you're an idol aswell, i believe San would cheer you on alot. He'd be so proud whenever he saw you absolutely devour the stage. You two might also write lyrics/poetry together.

Sannie who can be rough when it comes to being intimate. But when he's stressed, exhausted, sad or insecure, he definatly enjoys you being soft, praising him and a tiny bit of body worship. He likes having his hair played with and i have a feeling that his some of his sweet spots are his arms, neck and thighs/calfs?? I don't know. He likes recieving but also giving. Definatly soft dom leaning though.

Songs I listened to DIMPLE - BTS, HURT - NEW JEANS, HEAVY - THE MARIAS, VAMPIRE EMPIRE - BIG THIEF, HEAVENLY - C.A.S

[lezzballer]

do you have any girlfriend headcanons for diana?

Diana Taurasi girlfriend headcanons

(somewhere in the 2008-2012 era)

∞ Diana will flirt with you incessantly for years. But she's very very comfortable with flirty lighthearted friendships that never go anywhere. So she won't do anything to evolve the relationship beyond that. If you want to be with her, you need to be the one to make the first move

∞ Diana loves dates. She loves everything about dates. Beaches, sunsets, picnics, cafes, lounges, restaurants, food, wine, live piano, flowers, jewelry, ambience, architecture. She loves giving and receiving gifts and experiences

∞ Diana will only call you her girlfriend if she's extremely serious about you. All the women she wasn't serious about were just friends to her, not girlfriends. So she hasn't actually had many girlfriends

∞ Because Diana hasn't actually had many girlfriends, she doesn't have much relationship experience. She doesn't really know what she wants or needs from a relationship. All she knows is she wants and needs to be around you 24/7

∞ Diana wants to let you into her whole life. So get ready to spend some time in the Inland Empire

∞ You have to navigate a language barrier to mesh with her family. And you have to make sure her sister adores you. If you can't do that, your relationship with Diana won't last. But Diana is drawn to you because she knows you'll fit in with them. She wouldn't bring you to Chino unless she was sure you belonged with her family

∞ Diana always calls you "my love." Sometimes she'll even call you "mi amor"

∞ Diana looks up to you and admires you and genuinely believes you're way out of her league

∞ When she looks at you, you feel like the most important thing in the world to her. She'll take your hands in hers and give you a look, saying nothing in a way that says everything

∞ She'll say mild flirty things to other women to brighten their day. But that's just talk. It doesn't mean anything to her. She's yours and you trust her.

∞ She's very playful. There are times when she can't say a single serious word. She'll pretend to be a completely different person just for fun. She knows that outsiders project a domineering power-hungry personality onto her. So she likes to act out a parody of the person they think she is. But you know who she really is. The idea that your soft silly self-deprecating woman could ever go through with any interpersonal cruelty is absurd. All you can do is laugh

∞ Diana is a nuzzler. She will nuzzle you whenever and wherever. She'll nuzzle you in the middle of a mundane conversation about nothing in particular. She likes to rest her head on your shoulder and press her face into your neck

∞ Even though Diana's only in her 20s, she already has a litany of chronic health problems. Back problems, skin problems, mental problems. Her entire left hand broke and healed wrong. Her spine is a nightmare. And now that you're her girlfriend, her problems are your problems, too. When you take care of her, it fills her with love and wonder. She's never had a relationship like this

∞ Diana is addicted to basketball. But the moment you have a crisis in your life, she'll leave her team to be by your side. And she'll take care of you the way you take care of her

∞ The challenging thing about being with Diana is her worldview. She believes there's more bad than good in the world. She doesn't believe in miracles and she doesn't believe in the future. The only thing she feels she can rely on in life is the present moment. That makes it difficult to plan a life together. The only way through this is to lead the way and see if she follows you. So far, she's followed you every time.

[vigilante-3073]

Slice Of Heaven

Logan Howlett x Female Reader

Summary: Logan's happy place.

TW: Pre-established relationship, mentions of death and injury.

Logan had experienced a multitude of pain and suffering in his very long life. It seemed like he moved from one battle to another without any form of respite. He lived his life in a constant state of hypervigilance, never being able to fully relax or rest because he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Logan had a hard time forming relationships and trusting those around him despite his best efforts. A lifetime of betrayal had taught him to be on his guard in every situation and it was exhausting.

Logan knew never to take a good thing at face value and he had never questioned that assertion until he met Y/N.

She was soft, warm and kind. She had no experience with violence and she always saw the best in every situation. Y/N was his polar opposite and Logan couldn't get enough of her.

Some may call her naive, but Logan found her innocence to be endearing. He promised himself that he would protect her and keep her from losing that sparkle that made her shine so brightly. Y/N made Logan appreciate the good things in his life, showing him that no situation is as dark as it may seem.

They shared a small house in the countryside, located almost an hour away from the nearest town. Logan enjoyed the privacy and peace that came from being so far removed from other people.

He took care of the repairs and the yardwork, enjoying the simplicity of monotonous chores opposed to the chaos he usually contended with. Y/N did all of the cooking for the household and she loved to try out new recipes, she even grew her own herbs and vegetables on their property.

Logan had always longed for a simple life of comfort and safety, but he could never bring himself to fully enjoy it. He knew that his past experiences meant that there would always be a part of him that was waiting for everything to come crashing down. Logan didn't have many good things in his life and he had learned that nothing lasted forever. No matter what happened, Logan knew that he would do whatever it took to protect Y/N.

Logan loved her more than life itself and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her.

...

Y/N hummed softly to herself as she chopped up vegetables on a marked up wooden cutting board. She set her knife aside and picked up the cutting board before moving over to the stove. Y/N held the board over a simmering pot of soup, gently sliding the vegetables from the board and into the broth.

Logan watched her work from the doorway, he had been outside doing yardwork all day and he was exhausted. The peace he always found in their home brought him a kind of solace that he never thought he would experience in his lifetime.

Every day he spent with her healed some of the trauma he had endured in his past. Y/N was piecing the broken sections of his heart back together and she had no idea.

Logan moved away from the doorway, slowly approaching her as she peeled some of the carrots from their garden. His hands rested on her hips as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "Smells good in here, baby," He muttered.

"Thank you, honey... Weather is starting to get cold and I thought some soup would be nice," She said.

Logan looked over, eyebrows raising when he saw the loaf of bread cooling on the countertop, "Did you bake bread?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think it turned out pretty well," Y/N said, cutting the stems off her carrots.

"You are amazing. Is there anything you can't do?" Logan asked.

"I can't reach the top shelf in any of the cabinets, but other than that I'd say I'm pretty awesome," Y/N smiled.

"Damn right," Logan chuckled, "Do I have time to shower before dinner is ready?" He questioned.

"Of course. Take all the time you need," Y/N said.

"I'll be quick," Logan said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before stepping away from her.

He washed the sweat and dirt from his body before dressing in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Logan made his way out into the kitchen as Y/N was scooping the soup out into two bowls. A few pieces of bread had been sliced from the loaf and set on a plate in the middle of the table.

She carried both bowls over to the table and set them down before taking her seat. Logan sat down across from her and they began to eat in silence. It was never an uncomfortable silence with Y/N, it was pleasant and reassuring to have each other closeby.

Logan looked up at Y/N, watching her eat the meal that she spent all day preparing. He set his spoon down in the bowl, she looked up at him.

"Do you not like it? I can make you something else," Y/N offered.

"No, baby, it's great. I just- I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate everything you do," Logan said, Y/N smiled.

"I know... I love you too, honey," She replied.

...

Logan stood outside, taking slow puffs from his cigar and blowing the smoke up into the night air. It was quiet, the only sounds coming from the crickets in the grass and the howling of coyotes in the distance. The dew on the grass glittered in the dim moonlight, chilling the wood of the deck that Logan leaned against.

He knocked the ash from the end of his cigar and into the glass ashtray resting on the deck railing next to him. Sleep had never been an easy thing for Logan, he struggled to rest when he was always thinking of what could go wrong.

Logan heard the soft sound of her footsteps through the house before the door squeaked open. Y/N made her way outside, wrapped in his flannel to keep herself warm, "Logan, are you okay?" She asked tiredly.

"Yeah, baby, just couldn't sleep," Logan said, lifting his arm and pulling her into his side gently. He wrapped his arms around her, chin settling on the top of her head as he rubbed his hand over her back to keep her warm.

Her arms slipped around him as she let out a soft sigh, resting her cheek against his chest and listening to the soft thump of his heart.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked.

"No, but I think I could tell that you weren't there," Y/N said.

"Sorry, baby," Logan said, hand running up and down her back.

"You know that you can talk to me if something is bothering you, right?" She questioned.

"I know," He muttered, looking out across their property.

Y/N tilted her head up to look at him, "Is there something bothering you?" She asked.

He huffed a laugh, "No, baby, I just never thought that my life would end up like this after all the shit I've been through," Logan said.

"You deserve to be happy, Logan. You know that, right?" Y/N questioned.

"Yeah, it's just taking me a minute to settle in," Logan said, hand rubbing over her back.

"Do you miss the fighting?" She asked softly.

He shook his head, "No, but I know that I'll have to fight again at some point and I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop," Logan said.

"I'm sorry you feel like that, honey. You should be able to relax and enjoy the life you fought for," Y/N said.

"I'm enjoying every second, trust me... All the shit I've been through makes me realize how quick a good thing can go bad," Logan said.

Y/N rested her head back down on his chest as she silently debated his words. Logan had seen a lot of tragedy in his life and it was a drastic shift to suddenly be living a peaceful life without danger.

Logan looked down at her when he noted her silence, "Hey, where'd you go?" He asked.

She shrugged, "You've just been through so much hardship... Do you ever think you'll be able to fully let that old life go?" Y/N asked.

"I hope so, baby. There is nothing I want more than to be in this with you for as long as you'll have me," Logan said.

Y/N smiled, "How about forever?" She asked.

"I think we can swing that," Logan smirked.

[perseephoneee]

Okay, so I was thinking Hope Mikaleson x Reader. Where they are in a relationship. Where Hope was fighting and kill supernatural people and I forgot to mention that she turned off her humanity. Season 4. She left Salvador school and now she came back to surprised everyone but she sees Reader who was depressed because she was mad at Hope for leaving her and she expected her to be happy but no she was angry at her. Reader walked out not caring and Hope followed her. When Reader screamed at her for leaving, Hope turn her humanity back on and she broke down.

Fluff at the end but angst at the start.

cruelty (hope mikaelson x reader)

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist

omg i hope this is kinda what you wanted?? i wrote this during class.

It felt unfair for the outside to be sunny and for the fall leaves to twinkle in the light. The sounds of children's laughter echoing, or even the footsteps in the hallway with hushed conversation. You bury your head deeper into your pillow, letting the covers hide you away. Your bed has become a cave of solace. Your mind was a prison of your own design. 

You need to scream. You yearn to be heard. But no one can soothe you; no one bothers. Your heart feels perpetually heavy, this anchor dragging it deeper into your soul. You can't remember the last time you woke up without screaming, your voice raw and scratchy. Any psychologist would say you're depressed. You know what the other feeling is, though— guilt.

You couldn't stop it. You couldn't save her. The woman who changed every ounce of your being, who altered the course of your life in a single smile. She left. You were alone.

Everyone had tried to console you. They brought you meals and whispered niceties. They gave you time to process and to heal. But underneath that sorrow was a boiling, glistening anger.  You rolled over to scream at your ceiling.

"Fuck your, Hope Mikaelson."

"Is that really the welcome I get?"

You sat up, believing the phantom at the door to your bedroom to be exactly that— a ghost. Except the way she leaned against your doorframe, all ego, that was corporeal.

"Hope," you say, brows furrowed. She smiles, no humanity in her eyes.

"I was going for some more fanfare," she stepped into the room. You forced yourself to not recoil. Or to launch yourself out of bed and hold her close. "This, my dear, is wholly disappointing." 

"Disappointing welcome for a disappointing person," you respond. No reaction. You wonder how deep you'd have to swim to find where her soul is.

"Venom doesn't suit you."

"I grew up," you tilt your head, taking her in. All black, every part of a viper and not the warm individual you initially fell in love with. "You should leave."

"But I just got here," she mopes. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Hope, leave," you roll your eyes, getting out of bed and standing your ground. 

"I have things to do, so no, I won't leave."

"Oh really?" You scoff. "All you do is leave; it's what you're best at."

You see a flicker of…something. You wonder if you imagined it. You must've; there's no way she feels anything at all.

"I was trying to be kind, coming to say hello; I guess you don't want that." She pushes off the door, mannerisms presenting an aura of boredom.

"I don't want excuses from a snake," you chortle. "Especially one like you."

"A snake?" She laughs. That laughter doesn't reach her eyes. "That's pathetic."

"Pathetic isn't the half of it," you match her stance. Arms crossed, eyes narrowed. You feel an inexplicable anger. "Pathetic is running away the second things get hard. Pretending to be anything but Klaus Mikaelson's daughter, as if you aren't the product of the cruelest man in history. When you look in the mirror, do you see any of your mother? Or has she run away from the woman you've become?"

You don't remember feeling angry before, but you feel this anger now.

"I loved you, and that was a mistake. Cruelty suits you. Your heroism was nothing but a facade to hide the coward within. When you snapped Lizzie's neck— was it because you started to realize she was better than you? Did you feel threatened by the fact that you mean nothing in the grand scheme of things? Are you really still that insecure?"

You realize you're being cruel. But god, she's been cruel. And you are so so tired of pretending to be okay with it.

"I am happy you are the devil. It makes it easier to leave," you step towards her, standing face to face. There's that flicker again. "I'm done with you. Now…get the fuck out of my room."

You shove past her, marching down the hall in nothing but a ratty t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. You look like a mess (you feel like a mess), but standing in the same space as Hope was too hard to bear. Being cruel felt good…it felt like a release. 

The world is spinning as you stumble into the bathroom. The tile is cold beneath your feet, and your hands brace the sink as you suck in deep breaths. You have no clue when you started crying. You turn on the sink and splash cold water on your face, trying to steady the sobs that are consuming your entire being. It's so hard to breathe. You don't remember how to.

You sink to the floor, curling up into yourself as you bury your head in your knees. You feel a hand on your shoulder, someone pulling you close, and you let them. You are so, so lonely. The scent of roses and vanilla is a familiar one, and you inhale as if it's the last time you'll ever be able to. 

Hope holds you until you're done crying, and when you finally pull away, you narrow your eyes in hesitation. 

"I never expected you to call me cruel," she whispers, and she seems different. She looks like the Hope you knew. The one you fell in love with, that was your best friend before she became more. The light in her eyes reflects her humanity. "I didn't realize how much it would hurt."

"I didn't mean—"

"You did," she sighs. You wish she could be more angry with you. "I don't blame you."

"I was just so angry—"

"And I was mean," Hope laughs as a tear drops from her eye. You rarely see her cry. "It was easier to hide than it was to be strong. I'm…sorry for hurting you because of it."

You wipe her tears with your thumb, cradling her face. Her skin is smooth to the touch. 

"Are you back?" You whisper. She looks at you, brows furrowed, before nodding slowly. Almost as if she's afraid to admit it. You let out a choking laugh, kissing her with all the love you'd held in for the months she'd been gone. You kiss her cheeks, nose, lips again, everything you can touch. She laughs, something light and airy that you didn't realize how much you missed. You pull back, holding her at arm's length. "Don't you ever fucking do that again."

"I won't," she says, kissing your cheek. "I promise."

[heavyhitterheaux]

Flowers

Based off the song by Miley Cyrus

AN: the wait is finally over!

Synopsis: You have been in a committed relationship with Jack for over a year, but since the two of you have released this information to the world, your jealous ex can't help but to wonder if you can find it in your heart to give him a second chance

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader, Former Joe Burrow x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

It was becoming light outside when you were awakened by Jack placing several kisses all over your face and a smile couldn't help but to break out as you opened your eyes to look at him.

“Good morning my beautiful fiancée.” You heard him say and listened to his morning voice that you loved so much.

“Good morning my love.”

“What do you have planned for today?” He asked as he proceeded to lay on his back as you moved so that your head was on his chest as he started to draw small circles along your back.

“I have a fitting with Margot Robbie and that’s about it. I might go out with Briana, Emma, and Naomi later if I'm feeling up to it. What about you?” You asked as you reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Probably just go to the studio, I shouldn’t be gone long. I have some things I want to work on.”

His answer immediately led to you rolling your eyes and you stifled a laugh as Jack looked at you curiously.

“What? What was that for?"

“Now you know good and well that when you say you’ll be at the studio and won’t be gone long that it really means 3 am and for me not to wait up for you.”

“Babe! I promise it won’t be 3 am this time! I was in the zone and didn’t want to mess that up.”

“I get it, I get it. But if this happens tonight, please tell me and not have me worrying about you. Last time you almost gave me a heart attack thinking that something was wrong.”

“I’m sorry and I promise to. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again. I… know how your trust issues are. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me and I don’t want to start now.”

“I love you.” You told him as you pinched his cheek making him smile.

“I love you too.” Jack swiftly answered as he leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m about to go get ready, you want to join me?”

“As tempting as that sounds, you know for a fact that you won’t make it to the studio any time soon. And you getting back at 3 am will probably be 5 am."

“I-... good point.”

“I’ll probably just go back to sleep, the fitting isn’t until later anyway.”

"Oh, I wore you out last night?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't start."

"What? I was just asking!"

"Bye, Jackman and go get ready." You replied while laughing and lightly pushed him so he could get up.

Jack simply nodded as he moved from behind you and got up to make his way into the bathroom.

"Don't worry, you'll get this work later." You heard him yell from the bathroom and you immediately rolled your eyes as you let out a small laugh.

You had grabbed your phone off of the nightstand and you were completely caught off guard from one of your notifications from instagram.

1 New Message

Joeyb_9: Y/N, can we meet up and talk? I miss you

You felt your anxiety as well as your heart rate increase as you read the message. There was no way in the world that you were going to reopen a wound that you had healed from.

After the intense break up from your superstar NFL boyfriend, Joe Burrow, you swore that you would never put yourself in such a vulnerable position again.

The cheating, the lying, him sneaking behind your back was a thing of the past and you didn't plan on going back.

So, he had another thing coming if he thought that you were ever going to give him the time of day.

One thing that he always did every week was buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers no matter if you were with him or not. You soon came to the conclusion that you could buy yourself your own flowers and didn't need a man to do that after seeing how he acted towards you.

Especially one that stopped buying them for you after the first year of your relationship and only bought you them with an expensive piece of jewelry because he had cheated again and would do anything in order for you to take him back.

"Baby, it won't happen again, I promise."

So you did give him another chance and once again he blew it. You should have learned your lesson the first time, but Joe being a sweet talker reeled you back in.

You blocked his number, blocked him on social media, and made sure that he gave you back your key to your condo.

A condo that he had bought but at this rate, you deserved to keep it.

You were content with being the rich auntie who got to travel the world and would bring back expensive gifts for everyone while dressing celebrities in your latest designs.

That was until you were asked to style your now fiancé Jack Harlow for The Grammys in 2022. The first time the two of you met, it was as if there was no one else in the room since your eyes never left each other.

You had heard of him and was quite a big fan, so obviously you were excited. Being Joe Burrow's girlfriend did have its perks. Once he got to the NFL and he knew how you wanted to be a designer, you would style him for events and that moved to his teammates, their significant others, and then onto other celebrities.

Jack had heard of you since you had styled Drake for an event before and he had highly recommended you. He took him up on his suggestion and soon found himself the woman that he wanted to marry.

It was hard to break into this industry and the one thing you could thank Joe for was helping you do it. You wanted to not be seen just as his girlfriend and known for your work so your relationship was kept low key. This made it easier for when you did break off things with him not having people follow your every move.

Except, Joe did follow your every move waiting for the right opportunity to present itself so that he could work his magic and his charm on you in the hopes of winning you back.

However, you weren't falling for this shit again because you had moved on and found someone ten times better.

You recalled the last time he had cheated and presented you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers which you immediately grabbed and put it in the trash can as he watched the scene unfold in front of him and told him that you didn’t need a man for shit including buying you flowers. That was the last time you had talked to him and it was over two years ago.

From that point on, you bought your favorite flowers for yourself and once Jack caught on to this, he quickly took over once he had heard your reasoning behind it.

You remember him telling you that you deserved to get as many flowers as you want from someone who loves and appreciates you and you remember your breath hitching in your throat. That was the first time that he told you that he loved you and has kept his word ever since.

What you didn't plan on was becoming Jack's girlfriend and now fiancée and Joe getting the sudden realization that he wanted you back.

All because you and Jack had gone public with your relationship not even 72 hours ago and you had a feeling that he saw it. The two of you had kept it quiet for the entire time that you had been dating, but once he put that huge ass ring on your finger, you wanted to share it with the world.

You had only blocked him from your personal account and not the one for your fashion line so of course that came with you muttering "Fuck" under your breath and shaking your head.

Jack had come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and had heard you so he was immediately concerned.

"Baby? You okay?"

"Um… "

"What's wrong?"

Not wanting to hide anything from Jack, you quickly shoved your phone into his hand showing him the message and his eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused.

"Why is Joe Burrow sending you messages on instagram?"

"Remember that ex who cheated on me multiple times but still expected me to take him back?"

"Don't tell me…." Jack said as he looked back up at you.

"That's him."

"And it's his fucking loss. You're mine now so he can go throw footballs and fuck off somewhere."

Jack handed you back your phone and you immediately blocked him, not even bothering to respond. He should have known better, you finally had someone who respected and cared for you and you for damn sure wasn't going to go back to him.

"He better get the message loud and clear too. No one told him to treat you like shit. Why did you never mention that it was him?"

"I'd rather not dwell on him treating me like that when I have someone that is a million times better in front of me." You said being completely honest and Jack simply smiled at you before leaning down to kiss you.

"This is forever and I don't give a fuck who doesn't like it or who doesn't agree. You're mine and I'm yours. Besides, can he fight?"

"I-... Jack he is a little taller than you and the most he could probably do is try to throw a dumbbell to hit you."

"Oh, so I have a chance to take him?"

"Well….. um…. you're my future husband and I'm going to stick beside you."

"In other words, no and you'll still love me even if he kicks my ass?"

"Correct, babe. But… he can't fight either."

"Woooooooow, zero confidence in me." Jack responded while shaking his head at you while you were trying not to laugh.

"Did I tell you that I love you and that I'll bring you food later at the studio?" You replied while batting your eyelashes at him.

"Don't try and butter me up now."

"Well I'll tell you again. I love you, baby. Now go get dressed."

"I might have to skip the studio and add an extra gym day instead. How much can he bench press?"

Before going to the fitting with Margot, you cleaned up around your shared house with Jack in the hopes of getting what had happened this morning out of your head. He had the absolute nerve to think that you would even give him the time of day.

You quickly sent a message to your three best friends Briana, Emma, and Naomi telling them you wanted to meet for a late lunch after the fitting and if they were free.

All three of them quickly said yes and you couldn't wait to tell them what Joe had pulled. Next thing you know Ja'Marr was about to be in your DM's and you would simply tell him to fuck off since he knew what Joe was doing behind your back, but would simply smile in your face and act like nothing was happening. He got cut off right along with him when you finally decided to do it.

There all four of you were sharing a plate of fried calamari and you had just finished telling them what had happened earlier that morning.

"Ew, are you serious? He has got some fucking nerve." Emma said before taking a sip of her drink and looking at you in disbelief.

"Same thing I said."

"Did you tell Jack?"

"Of course I did. The last thing I ever want to do is keep something from him." You replied while dipping your piece of calamari in the sauce that it came with.

"Well maybe you should hear him out." The entire table had gone silent as all of you looked over at Briana in disbelief.

"Uh? Come again?" Naomi was the first person to break the silence.

"Just hear what he has to say." She replied while shrugging and you simply rolled your eyes.

"So she's supposed to listen to the person who cheated on her multiple times and still did it after she forgave him?" Emma asked while not believing what she was hearing.

"Maybe he's changed."

"I highly doubt it and why would I even entertain this when I have an amazing fiancé who treats me like I'm supposed to be treated? Bri, since you want to hear him out so bad you go and give him a chance."

"I was just saying that maybe you should keep your options open."

"Girl, what the hell is wrong with you today? Where is the Briana that wanted to fight Joe every time this happened and would beg me to leave him?" You asked as you looked at her confused.

"I just think it couldn't hurt."

"Well if I ever decide to do it, I'm bringing Jack with me."

"Okay moving on. So, do we have a wedding date? Venue? Flowers? Maid of honor?" Naomi asked as she batted her eyelashes and was grilling you left and right while all you could do was laugh.

"We literally just got engaged this week!" You answered while smiling at her.

"And is that supposed to mean something?! We all knew from the first time you two met that this would be forever. I'm just so happy for you and Jack is the entire package. I love the way he loves you. You deserve this after how that asshole treated you. But just let Jack know if he steps a toe out of line, I'll cut his dick off." Emma said while still looking over the menu trying to decide what she was going to get for her dessert later.

"He means so much to me and I'm happy that I have him. I literally can go to him for anything and it seems that he always knows what to say in order to make me feel better. I love that man with my whole heart."

"Not you making me want to get married." Naomi said while laughing and you simply eyed her.

"I can always put in a word for you for Urban." You responded and you could immediately tell her cheeks were heating up.

"Just make sure at the wedding, we get paired together."

"Say less."

—

Joe let out a sigh and Ja’Marr immediately looked over at him and asked what was wrong.

"She blocked me again.”

“Are we….. surprised? I mean look how you acted towards her.” He quickly answered and Joe instantly had a look of annoyance on his face.

“This time will be different. I just need her to forgive me one more time.”

“Now… you cannot be serious. You cheated on her how many times? And not even including the times you didn’t tell her about.”

“I just wasn’t thinking straight, but now I am.”

“Now that she’s about to be a whole married woman, suddenly you grew up and matured? You literally haven’t mentioned anything about her until I sent you that pic on instagram with the two of them.”

“He doesn’t deserve her.”

Ja’Marr immediately rolled his eyes.

“Oh, and you do? When you treated her like absolute shit. You my boy so obviously I didn’t tell her in the hopes that you would get your shit together, but that clearly didn’t work out. Like Y/N would have done anything for you.”

“I just need to talk to her in person, I’m sure that I can change her mind.”

“Delusional much?”

“Will you just back me up on this?!”

“Back you up on what? Stupidity?” Ja’Marr answered, but Joe was clearly on a mission and would not let this go easily. You were his girl through and through and he was about to do anything he can in order to be able to get you back.

“You’ll see, she’s going to take me back.”

All Ja’Marr did was roll his eyes in response.

“Hmm, good luck with that. But don’t call me crying when she tells you no.”

“I won’t have to because she’s not going to.”

From that point on, it was the middle of the summer so since training camp hadn’t started yet, Joe was making you his full-time mission. He knew that because of you now being engaged to Jack, more than likely you were spending the majority of your time in Louisville so that is where he decided to go first.

He figured that if he could find you anywhere that it would be at your boutique.

Once he walked in, he immediately saw Emma who he knew was one of your best friends and she immediately sent a death glare in his direction and her eyes wouldn’t leave his. The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene, but she just couldn’t help herself and blurted it out.

“What the actual fuck are you doing here? She’s not here and doesn’t want to see you and you need to leave before I call security.”

“Relax Emma, I come in peace.” Joe answered with his hands up in defense, but she wasn’t having it.

“And you will leave here in pieces if you don’t get the fuck on somewhere. She doesn’t want you anymore. She’s finally happy and I for damn sure am not going to let you mess anything up for her.”

“I just can’t come by to say hi?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. You might have everyone else fooled, but not me because I know how you truly are out of the spotlight. Stay away from her or I will not hesitate to tell Jack and he isn’t going to be happy.”

“I see I’ve caught you at a bad time, but I’ll be back to talk to my girl.”

“Burrow, go fuck yourself.”

When Joe had finally left the boutique, Emma immediately called you.

“Hey boo!”

“Babe! Don’t come back to the boutique for the rest of the day. Go bother Jack or something.”

“What the? What’s wrong?”

“Joe was here looking for you and I kicked him out. He needs to get a fucking grip because ain’t no way in hell you’re about to take him back. I had to mention that I was going to tell Jack in order for him to leave.”

“I….”

“Just… go spend time with Jack. I got this covered, go wedding plan or something.”

Once you had gotten off the phone, you were visibly upset and needed to get your mind off of things. You were going to take her advice and go home and try to spend time with Jack because at this point, you didn’t know what to do.

You had thrown the different fabrics in the backseat of your car before going to sit in the front and dialed Jack’s number. You sped out of the parking lot in the direction of your shared house not believing that he had the absolute nerve to do this.

It didn’t even ring two times, before you heard his voice.

“Yes, my future wife? What’s up, baby?”

“Can you… can you come home?” You quietly asked and you already knew that Jack was not going to let this go without knowing what was wrong with you.

“Of course, baby. Did something happen? I can hear it in your voice. I know when something is wrong with you.”

“Umm…..”

“Don’t start that, tell me.”

“Joe showed up at the boutique looking for me and Emma called and told me.”

“He WHAT?” Jack’s voice instantly got louder and stopped what he was doing.

“I… don’t want you to get upset.”

“How can I not be? What the hell is his problem? You don’t respond to his DM and now he comes here looking for you? He needs to stay the fuck away. Nah, now he got me pissed off.”

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not, but protecting you is my main priority.”

“Can you just come home? I don't even want to think about this anymore.”

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

As promised, within fifteen minutes you heard the front door open indicating that Jack was now home. You were simply sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket burrito as you flipped through Disney Plus in order to find something to watch. Jack walked over to you and leaned down to kiss your forehead as you popped your arms out from underneath the blanket to hug him.

“You pick the movie and I'll order food. What do you have a taste for?”

“Hmm Italian please.”

“Coming right up.”

“I'm sorry to take you away from what you were doing, I should have just waited until you got home.” You quietly said as you thought about it.

“No, work can wait. If my baby needs me, she needs me and I'm going to make sure she's okay.” He told you as he stroked your face and you simply nodded.

“What do you think he even wants?” He asked as he placed his phone on the coffee table and sat next to you.

“To talk to me to get me to forgive him. It's always the same thing every time. He thinks that an expensive piece of jewelry and flowers are all that he needs to change my mind. At one point in time that might have worked, but not now.”

A week or so had passed without incident, but you were in for a surprise while you were at your boutique finishing up some sketches when you got a bouquet of flowers delivered.

You smiled at first thinking that they were from Jack and quickly went to facetime him without bothering to read the note attached to them.

“Hey pretty girl.” Jack said and he looked to be eating with Urban beside him.

“Hey handsome. Thank you for my flowers, they're so pretty.” You exclaimed as you switched the camera to show him.

Jack instantly got quiet and stopped chewing as he stared at them and let out a sigh. He instantly looked pissed off. You were confused and looked at him dumbfounded.

“I didn't send you those.”

“Wait, what? But they're my favorite. How….” You trailed off as you grabbed the note that was in the bouquet and looked at it in utter disgust as you saw Joe’s handwriting staring back at you. Without finishing the note, you promptly grabbed the bouquet and walked over to the trash can, throwing it in there before responding to Jack.

“Why doesn't he understand that I’m never going to give him another chance and that he is just simply wasting his time?” You quietly said and Jack had yet to say anything. From the moment you realized that he didn't send them, he instantly knew who did.

“I don't know, but this is really starting to piss me off.”

"I think that I just need to have a conversation with him. Even though I know that the last thing you want is for me to be around him, but it's the best idea I have."

"I was thinking restraining order, but okay."

"I don't even want to think about this anymore. We have other things to worry about, like what we're wearing to Michael's party."

yourinstagramname added to their story

The two of you showed up to the party together and were mingling with the other guests when you had told Jack that you were going to get another drink. He simply nodded at you and continued to talk to Druski. You made your way inside and refilled your glass when you felt a presence behind you. You silently cursed to yourself once you had gotten a whiff of the familiar cologne that you never wanted to smell again for as long as you lived because of the person that you knew it was attached to.

That wasn't your fiancé, but your ex-boyfriend who you did not know would be in attendance. If you would have known that he was going to be here, you would have stayed cuddled up under Jack at your hotel and not even bother to show up.

“I knew we'd cross paths sooner or later.” You heard Joe say before you turned around to look at him.

“And you can keep walking because I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”

“Come on Y/N, don't be like that. I just want to talk. Just give me one more chance. I should have been the one to put that ring on your finger, not him.”

"You blew the multiple chances that I gave you so what makes you think you deserve another one? Do you think I'm really stupid enough to take you back after all that?” You asked as you looked at him in disbelief.

"I love you, doesn't that mean anything?!"

"No and no you're not. Not when I'm in love with my fiancé and you're in love with the idea of me. Someone you can have on your arm for everyone to see, but treat me like shit from behind the scenes. Face it, you blew it and whatever this was at one time is officially over and never happening again.”

Joe didn't get to respond to you because he saw Jack approaching from behind and promptly wrapped his arms around you before turning your face to kiss you.

“Everything okay over here?” Jack asked as he made eye contact with Joe before looking him up and down.

Joe hadn't been sure if you had told Jack all that had gone down between the two of you, but clearly because of the look on his face, it was obvious.

“Yep, just fine. Got my drink and I was just about to come and find you.” You answered as you smiled at him.

“Teyana was looking for you. She's out by the pool.” He told you as he nudged you in that direction.

You just prayed that this didn't end in a fight between the two of them.

“Well that's my cue to make my way out there.” Was all you said before leaving your ex in the presence of your fiancé.

Once you were out of earshot, Jack turned to Joe and didn't hold back on how he felt about him contacting you when the only thing you wanted was for him to leave you alone.

“I just want you to listen to me and listen to me good. There's literally no need for you to say anything or respond when I'm finished. You fucked up and you lost your chance or should I say chances with her. Y/N is now going to be my wife and the last thing she needs is her ex-boyfriend lurking in the shadows because he has a sudden realization of wanting that old thing back all because you're jealous because now she's happy and with someone who isn't you. While you two were together, you broke her trust and if you honestly think that she was going to give you another chance is wild. So take this as a warning to stay away from her and we won't have any problems. The place of her soon to be husband is spoken for, okay Joe? Good talk.”

It was quiet for a few seconds and as Jack turned to walk away from him, he heard his voice.

“I like you, Jack. I really do, but sooner or later she'll realize the mistake she's making.”

“Only mistake she made when it came to you was staying with you for so long. Don't worry, I'll send you wedding pictures.”

Jack hadn't bothered to bring up what happened between him and Joe for the rest of the party, but you were itching to know. You didn't see him for the rest of it, however you did see Ja’Marr and it looked like he was trying to make his way over to you, but he noticed the death glare that you were giving him and decided against it.

You and Jack had now just gotten back to your hotel room and had gotten settled for the night when you brought it up. He was scrolling on his phone, but could feel you looking at him.

“Yes, baby?”

“What did you say to him? Because I know you don't like confrontation, but I know you were pissed about the entire thing.”

“I just let him know to leave you alone, that's all.” Jack answered as he shrugged and you weren't entirely convinced.

“You threatened him, didn't you?”

“Threat is a very strong word, baby. I make promises. He shouldn't be a problem anymore, but if he is, you need to tell me. I'm the only man that is buying you flowers.”

___

About another three weeks had passed and you were currently at your boutique, but also wedding planning when you got small breaks in between clients. You had gotten some wedding magazines and let Jack know that you wanted his opinion so the two of you could move forward with the process.

Of course he had told you that he would be at the studio majority of the day and simply asked Briana to drop them off for you so you didn't have to leave the boutique.

“Bri, can you drop something off to Jack for me? He already knows that you're coming to meet him.” You asked her over the phone and that's when the wheels in her head started turning.

“Yeah, sure what is it?”

“Just a few wedding magazines and he was going to tell me any ideas he had later when we both got home.”

“Not a problem, I'll be there in 20.”

Once Briana got to the studio, Jack was already on facetime with you and the woman at the front let her know where she could find Jack. She made her way down the long hallway and stuck her head in to peek inside the room to see Jack and quickly called out to him.

“Hey Jack, I brought the magazines for you.”

“Oh hey, Briana. Thanks for bringing them. I hope it didn't put you out of your way at all.” He told her as he took the magazines from her hands.

“Not at all, I didn't mind. I had gotten off work early anyway so that's why Y/N asked me.” She told him and he simply nodded, but he was confused at the fact that she was still standing there.

“Uh, Briana? Did you need something else?”

“You know, I was honestly hoping that Y/N would give Joe another chance when she first told me about him sending her a DM.” Briana said and Jack immediately turned up his nose.

“Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I meant so that we could be together and everyone would get their happily ever after.”

“Wait, what? Briana I don't like you like that and I never have and never will. I'm marrying Y/N who is your best friend so I'm going to need for you to stop embarrassing yourself.”

Little did she know that you were hearing this conversation in its entirety.

“What does she have that I don't?”

“I… I am not doing this with you. So you can see yourself out.” Jack told her as he turned away from her, but she quickly tugged on his arm to turn him back around and attempted to kiss him, but he dodged her.

“You have three seconds to get out of my sight. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you can now consider yourself uninvited to the wedding.”

“Jack, she doesn't have to know.”

Just then she heard your voice come through Jack’s phone.

“Too late, because I already do.”

“Oh, um….”

"You and Joe deserve each other with how the two of you act."

As you were listening to the entire exchange on the other end, you were honestly in disbelief. Your best friend who had been your friend for years just tried to get Jack to cheat on you. And now thinking about it, everything now made sense. She started acting weird ever since the two of you got engaged all because you see how she now wanted Jack for herself.

You didn't say another word as you hung up the phone and tried to process everything that had just happened as you sat in your boutique. You only had one client left for the day and then you would be able to go home and think about how you couldn't see what she was trying to do all along.

The phone vibrated in your hand and you looked down to see that Jack was calling you back and you quickly answered.

“I…”

“I know.” He quietly said because you were obviously extremely upset.

“How could she do that to me? My so-called best friend.” You asked him as tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

“Like you said, she and Joe deserve each other. I'm just happy you were on the phone and heard the entire thing. Of course I would have told you anyway, but still.”

“Babe….”

“Yes?”

“I want to elope.”

One week later the two of you were in the Maldives as you were admiring your huge wedding ring gracing your finger.

“You act like it's about to disappear.” Jack teased as he peered over at you.

“Shut up, it's pretty!”

“But you're prettier.”

“Hmm, tell me something I don't know.” You responded and all Jack did was look at you in disbelief.

“Hmm, not the response I was looking for. I thought that I was going to get a thank you.”

“Fine. Thank you, husband.” You told him as you reached up to kiss him before he smiled at you.

“That's more like it.”

“You know I had a thought…” You started to say before stopping mid sentence.

“And what's that thought, baby?”

“When I left him, I thought no one would be able to love me better than he could but you came along and proved me wrong.”

“And you'll never have to question how I feel about you or how important you are to me.”

“And even though I can buy myself flowers, I love them more when they come from you.”

I can buy myself flowers

Write my name in the sand

Talk to myself for hours

Say things you don't understand

I can take myself dancing

And I can hold my own hand

Yeah, I can love me better than you can

[buddierecs]

outsider pov buddie fics

there isn't as many outsider pov fics under the mature and explicit tags that i know of/read, so i have added them together. the last two on the list are explicit as stated below :) another thing to mention is that some of these aren't completely outsider pov, for some of them they do have buck/eddie povs make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

bobby versus buddie by: songbvrd "five times bobby tried to gently hold buddie's hands and tell them they were in love, and one time they got the picture." word count: 10k important tags: bobby nash pov, gay!eddie diaz, idiots in love, mutual pining i'm holding on (barely) (this has a pt 2 with a christopher pov) by: cranberrymoons "eddie and buck take christopher home to california; helena and ramon decide to follow" word count: 12k important tags: both eddie and helena pov, parenthood, coming out, therapy, mother-son relationships, healing just to love you by: woodchoc_magnum "in which drunken confessions are made, feelings are confused, and maddie can't help but do a little bit of big-sisterly meddling." word count: 37k important tags: has buck/eddie pov but also 118 team, getting together, secret relationship, soft!buddie, meddling platonic co-parents don't kiss like we do by: thelikeofus "5 times other people see buck and eddie kiss + 1 time they really mean it." word count: 7.1k important tags: 5+1 things, soft!buddie, getting together, fluff, supportive 118, pda

friday (never hesitates) by: pansys_goth_gf "natalia spends the day at buck’s loft and becomes increasingly more aware that he already has a partner." word count: 5.8k important tags: natalia dollenmeyer pov, feelings realisation, didn't know they were dating brand new (full throttle) by: ofthedirewolves "5 times the 118 missed the obvious signs that buck and eddie were dating and the one time they didn't." word count: 6.7k important tags: 5+1 things, 118 crew pov, oblivous 118 crew ---- these last two are explicit, also like to point out that they aren't completely outsider pov, buck and eddie do have a pov in them as well! good pretender by: likeshipsonthesea "an au where buck broke up with taylor before 5b, ravi and buck become (actually platonic) friends with benefits, and ravi, eddie, and buck all go on a journey of self-discovery that ends with them all getting what they need" word count: 85k important tags: has ravi panikkar pov but only for first chap, friends with benefits (buck/ravi), team as family, therapy, friends to lovers, jealous!eddie diaz, mutual pining, explicit sexual content

ours to keep by: brewrosemilk "buck and eddie pass their single, shared brain-cell back and forth, trying to keep their relationship a secret." word count: 8.9k rating: explicit important tags: the last section of fic is chimney pov, secret relationship, crack treated seriously, blow jobs, porn with feelings

[jammatown919]

Watching some pre-season two interviews, it honestly feels like Kausar and Raini have been teasing the current Yasammy arc for a while now. This interview here is from last year's San Diego Comic Con, about seven months after writing for the whole show was finished, so they had likely already recorded or at least seen their lines up to season four.

There's a lot of talk about Yaz and Sammy figuring out what their future together might look like, figuring out who they are and how to approach their relationship outside the context of a trauma bond, and the importance of showcasing that long term relationships can have their high points and their low points.

And they probably got away with this because it would be taken in the context of the season one argument, but to be honest, two out of three of these have yet to be seen. We saw one of their lower points in season one for sure, but we still haven't seen them get the opportunity to focus on themselves or their relationship pretty much since that argument. They haven't discussed what their future together might look like, and they haven't had an opportunity to separate themselves and each other from the circumstances enough to really think about "okay, what about just you and me, what are WE doing, where are we going after this, how do we maintain this when we don't need each other to survive?"

And in another interview (which I'll link if I can find it again), Kausar talked about being excited for the exploration of Yaz's healing and how it's not linear and she'll have moments of uncertainty and not knowing how to handle things and "when she sees a friend going through something, how to not project something onto them". She also explicitly said she was excited for "the messiness of it". While a bit of this can definitely be applied to Yaz getting overwhelmed playing therapist in season two, that lasts for all of three seconds. Season two then gets an absolutely GOLDEN opportunity in All Night Long to tackle Yaz's trauma and where she's at with it, and it just doesn't. Yaz doesn't get to be messy in season two. Her journey of healing gets very little focus in season two.

This leads me to believe that Kausar was talking about later seasons. Yaz is HELLA messy in season three, and I do think it comes from a place of projection. She projects how she feels about Brooklynn onto Sammy and can't handle it when that doesn't match up with how Sammy actually feels. There even seems to be a bit of projecting onto Brooklynn, with her whole "well she reached out a little bit and even though she gave us nothing of substance it still means something", because Yaz has been there. She knows what it's like to have a "not enough" response be all she can give at the moment, and she won't fault Brooklynn for it because she spent a long time doing that with Sammy. She doesn't see it as a rejection because it never was when she did it, regardless of how it feels to everyone else or even how Brooklynn actually meant it.

In season four, she's probably going to have to reflect on this behavior, and it'll probably play a huge role in her patching things up with Sammy.

And even with all this talk about how the relationship can be messy and complicated and how it's not easy, Kausar and Raini still talk a fair amount about Yaz and Sammy being a good love story. Kausar describes them in one video as "a couple that is truly meant to be together". She also describes their relationship as "a really strong and special one". Raini talks a lot in the above interview about how natural their relationship is.

I think we're in for a real treat in season four. Them figuring out what their future looks like together. Figuring out how to approach their relationship when being in danger isn't enough to force them through their low points. Actually getting on the same page about what they want and need, because while they both clearly want to be together, there's obviously a disconnect. Raini talked in another interview about how Sammy doesn't really understand why she couldn't be a part of Yaz's healing journey. And Yaz clearly doesn't understand how making that decision without a proper explanation and reaffirming to Sammy that she wasn't really leaving her behind was extremely harmful. This is their lowest low, but high points are mentioned as much as low ones. It's darkest just before dawn.

Honestly, I'm just glad they're finally getting some focus. Season two was cute with all the little moments, but they were little, usually blink-and-you'll-miss-it background things. Nothing was really about them in that season. Now they get this whole arc to themselves, and while it does intersect with other things like Brooklynn and Sammy's family situation, it's still largely about them.

I have literally never been more confident in a season giving me great Yasammy moments, because this time it genuinely has to. The narrative chose to start this whole plot thread of them finally starting to acknowledge the things that they need to, and there's nowhere else to go with it other than finally unpacking those things and coming to understand each other better. They love each other so, so deeply. They're both going to want to find a solution, and when they do, they'll be able to be together in a much healthier and more comfortable way.

(Also side note, Kausar says here that no one knew at first that these two would be a couple, and so did Scott Kreamer in a recent interview, so I'm not sure what that's about with the whole "they were planned from the very beginning" that supposedly Kausar said at some point but I can't find a source. Maybe someone made that up, or maybe it was supposed to mean that by the time they were writing actual scripts for season one they knew what they wanted to do with them. I have no idea.)