#some bits of reflection i wanted to have for myself
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make a story with a lot of bloating and belches please
Here we go! Ended up putting in more effort than planned, haha. Aches and Gains: What the hell… where am I? Who are all these huge men walking around? Oh that’s right, the gym. I was working out wasn’t I? Yeah, my muscles feel really sore, must have been a killer workout. Pushing myself to my absolute limit, what a legend I am.
Who is this? Someone waving. Oh they are worried. Don’t worry, haha, I’m fine. UURRP! I just take this place seriously, that's all. Needed a quick rest. Vision’s still a little blurry but I’m getting there.
Now where was I? Just finished a set or did I finish my whole workout? Yeah I’m so sore I must be done. Especially my abs, they are really tight. I guess it was a core day. BUURRP! Oh that feels much better. I can get up now.
Whoo! I’m starting to feel alive again. Let's check out my pump in the mirror. Bet I’m looking real huge today. This shirt is kinda hard to get off, it’s so tight. Must be a crazy pump. Ah, there we go!
What the?! I’m freakin’ huge but… why have I lost so much definition?! My belly is so damn bloated! That’s okay, just my protein shake kicking in. No problem. Damn, look at the pecs on me though! Jealous of these bad boys, losers? Hahaha! King of the gym today. UUURRRP! I was already big and now I’m even bigger! URP!
I keep belching. Kinda weird but it relieves the pressure in my belly. I just need to get it all out, and find my abs again, haha. BUUUUURRRRRP! What are they all looking at? Goddamn greatness, that’s what. Oh don’t give me that pissy look staff, this place might as well be mine anyway.
I still haven’t relieved all the pressure in my gut. Aaaahhh! It hurts so much. UUURRRP! It’s like I’m inflating. I can’t get it out quick enough. BUUUURRRRP! Yeah, I know everyone, I don’t want to burp this much, okay. Geez. Everyone is on my case today. Oh great, now a staff member is coming up to me. This is unbelievable, I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh… my protein shake. Yeah guess I left it back there. Thanks. URRPP!
That cleared some room for a bit more protein shake. Bottoms up. Tastes so good. I’m so hungry too. Can’t stop myself from chugging it all. UUUUUUURRRRRRRP! That hit the spot. Hope y’all can smell that, it reeks of stale protein, hahaha. Deserve it for being so judgy.
God! I can feel myself getting bigger. Yes! I’m growing so much, so huge. My gut though… I look like I’ve eaten a five-course meal… twice. Aaaaaahhhhh! So much pressure… need to get it out… now!
BUUUUUUURRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPP!
Looks like I caught someone with that point blank. Looks like they might pass out too. Hey, want another one? UUUURRRRP! Hahahaha! Take this! BUUUUURRRRRP!
WOW! Just caught myself in the reflection and damn! I’m so big, I’m jealous of myself. Look at these huge guns. Boom! This chest keeps getting bigger too. And my back, chef’s kiss. So goddamn wide and perfect! Legs looking thick too! I’m such a beast, let's go! Who cares if I’ve got a big, bloated belly. Bigger is better right. I’d take it any day with these gains. BUUUURRRRAAAAP!
I’m starting to get used to these burps. Feels so nice when I let them out. Like a lion’s roar. So manly. UUUUUUURRRRRRRAAAAAAAP! Is this too disgusting for all of you? Well bad luck. BUUURRRP! I’ve got a lot more coming! BAAAAUUUURRRRP! Let me show you all what a beast like me sounds like…
BWWWWWWOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAAUUUUUUPPP!
Hahahahaha! This entire gym reeks now! Oh look here, we have a big, strong man coming up to start a fight. I’m the king of this gym, okay bro. Wait, not looking for a fight. Complimenting me? Hell yeah! This big guy gets it. New gym buddy right over here. What’s this? A protein shake. Thanks bro, I actually feel like I need another one.
This is UURRP unbelievable, how BUURRP can a protein OOUURRP taste so damn UURRP good? What has BOOOUUUURRRP he put in this UUURRRP thing? No seriously what is in it? Nevermind. Just a bro helping another bro out by giving him some fuel.
Time to leave. Not sure if this gym can handle me for much longer. This employee at the reception looks pissed, haha. Well I’m gonna tell him what’s on my mind.
BUUUURRRRP-OOOOUUUURRRRAAAAAP-BWWWWWOOOOOUUUUURRRRRP!
Don’t think I’ll need to pay to get in anymore.
#muscle fiction#muscle tf#muscle god#cocky muscle#muscle#hot pecs#eproctophilia#male burp#gay fiction#gay story#bulking#male tf#gay tf
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Batfam x Neglected Mortal
Kombat reader
Notes: this is part ten to lucid dreams.
Warnings ���️: not proofread. Mentions of death, killing, and child abuse.
The room felt as if it was the perfect temperature. The bed was the softest you've ever slept on. And you were tired as hell.
But sadly, you couldn't fall asleep.
But you weren't quite awake either. You were somewhere in between reality and a sweet relief.
Yet your mind couldn't choose which to go with.
Your body on the other hand was begging for sleep ,but your mind just wouldn't listen.
Your ears strain on instinct as you hear steps walking towards your room. They're not loud steps but not quite steps either.
They want you to hear them coming.
You sit up lazily still tired from your restless night. Your door opens and you straighten up ready for whoever walks in.
Three maids walk in dressed in black attire. They look kinda like nuns but their way more stealthy then anyother nun.
They bow as the see you and shoot you a stern glare as they see you still in bed.
"Long time no see loyce." You say to the head maid.
These women practically raised you.
As harsh as they might have been they never left you without proper care.
Loyce was the oldest of the three. And the other two you didn't know if they were mute or just weren't allowed to talk. But they never spoke. So you referred to them as Emine and Kira.
They circle around your sitting form like cats watching their pray. Their studying you. Every little detail. They have to see what need improving..
"Get in the bath." Loyce says quickly. And you groan.
"I can bath myself. " You protest as you make your way into the bathroom.
They give you a stern glare and you shake your head not amused. This was their job. They needed you to be perfect.
Undressing and stepping into the big tile tub you sit down In the warm water they've prepared. The grab brushes and shampoos of all sorts. They rub hard against your body and you groan and try and push them away.
Which does nothing but earn you a slap on the wrist with the wood handle of the brush.
"Why does your hair look this color?" Loyce speaks up.
"I dyed it once. It's been like this ever since."
You can practically hear them shaking their heads in disappointment.
Once their finished giving you a bath you smell absolutely delicious. And your skin hasn't been this hydrated in years and your muscles aren't so sore.
Their quick to dry you off not sparring a second.
And looking out the window the sun hasn't risen.
Their hands work quickly to get you dressed. And into some comfortable under garments.
Looking into the big mirror the have you sitting infront of you can see they've washed all the remaining bit of dye you had once had.
They begin straightening your hair with a devilishly hot straightener. Leaving no trace of your typical normal hair.
Your hair perfectly straight leaving not one hair out of place. They do your hair into a simple half up half down hair do.
As the begin with your make up. Simple but elegant.
Pretty enough for a princess.
Finally finishing up with your make up they lather your skin with lotion and oils giving you glowy skin.
Finally putting on your big elegent kimono. Your ready.
"What's the rush?" You say as they hurriedly slip on your shoes.
"Your father wants to see you immediately. " Loyce says speaking for the three of them.
You hum and nod knowing your father is impatient man.
"All this just to see my father..." You say looking at your reflection as the spray perfume on you.
You truly did look like a princess.
"The king," Loyce corrects you. " he's not only your father but the king...keep that in mind princess. " loyce says sternly like a mother teaching her child manners.
As they finally slip on your other shoe they take a moment to look at you. Making sure your absolutely perfect.
"You've grown beautifully....just like your mother." Loyce says and the other two nod agreeing with her. You mentally flinch at her words.
'Just like your mother.' She just had to add. You shake your head clearing these thoughts as they lead you outside room and into the big hallway.
The sun is casting over the horizon and you can't help but watch through the windows as you continue walking.
This place might have been cruel but it was beautiful nevertheless.
You walk through the big stone walls straight to father office. Just like you did many years ago.
You feel more anxious with each step. And your maids can tell. The give you a light sqeez on the arm as if trying to comfort you with their actions.
The other maids and servants bow as you pass and admire your beauty.
Finally arriving at your father office your maids bow and you dismiss them.
They each give a kiss to your cheek just like they've done ever since you were a baby.
Their kiss is not something their forced to do.
It's highly looked down apon to show any sorts of affection in the castle.
But they do it to show love. To show they care despite their cold demeanor.
Opening and stepping through your father's office doors you see him. Or more like his back.
His office looks the same dimly lit with candle and a small window. The red tiles clean ,and shiny as it always is and the pale color of the room adds to the beauty and aura.
Your father stands with his back facing you. And his long hair is tied into a bun. You can see the little gray hair peeking from his bun showing change. His growth.
Though you've grown he still looks as tall as ever. Still taller then you.
You can remember all the time you've been called to his office before. None of them were good. Hopefully now that'd be different.
But you'd be a fool to hope for something so soon. So you keep quiet, reading the room and atmosphere.
He begins talking and his voice is loud and confident just like you remember it. And you almost flinch at the sudden sound but you stand your ground. Your gaze never wavering from his back as he lights another candle.
"My girl......it's been so long...to long."
He says the last part with venom most as if he's angry at the time you've been away.
"Tell me....did you miss me?" He questions and he still doesn't turn around as he lights another candle and you wants scoff but you don't.
"Miss what? Your cruelty?" You say and you wish you could stop the words that flow out of your mouth but it's too late you've said them.
He doesn't filnch and his confidence doesn't waver at your words almost like he was expecting them.
"Ah... so you've devolved my tongue I see.... A great quality to have but it can get you into alot of trouble."
He says and you can tell he's smirking he likes that you've developed something of his.
He like your boldness. Because you undeniably got that from him.
He turns around before you can come back with a witty remark. And for a moment you have nothing to say. Your mind goes blank as your eyes meet his.
It's almost like he hasn't changed. Like not a day had gone by. But it has...his eyes widen but not in fear...no his eyes widen but only for a moment because he's proud.
"You've grown so much..." He says his voice barely louder then a whisper.
"And you not at all." You say and you don't bite your tongue like you would've before.
He smiles and you'd remember that smile anywhere. He's proud.
Not of what you've said but of you in general.
He steps forward and you take a step back hesitatently. You want to stand your ground to show no fear but your mind acts on instinct.
He takes notice of your fear and a frown appears on his face not liking your fear one bit.
"I won't hurt my dear...Im not that man...not anymore. " He says and his voice is surprising gentle.
You've never heard him talk like that before. Not even when you were a baby.
"Only a fool steps in a trap twice." You say quoting one of his lessons.
He raises his eye brows as a response and nods agreeing to your words and wisdom.
He sighs and you can see it. His chest is heavy.
He's nervous.
He's cations with his words careful not to over step.
"And you are no fool ,my girl....." He says his voice defeated.
"But I am your father....or I was. And I'd like to be agian...if you'd allow me?" His words are small and humble.
Which is so unlike him.
So unlike a king.
It was almost pathetic...he was asking to be your father.
If it was anyone else you'd probably roll your eyes for the dramatic words....
But nothing about this moment was dramatic. It was.....kind.
Something that you had never seen your father be.
Watching the man infront of you saw him. Not just a king or his cruelty...but your father.
You snap back into reality. You won't fall into a trap twice... you are no fool. You remind yourself. 'Don't attach yourself to false hope.' 'Always watch for traps.' Is what you've always been taught.
But seeing it father so honest...so desperate was doing something to you...it was breaking you.
His hazel dark eyes search yours looking for any sign of forgiveness. But you can't trust so easily. Not after everything. Your smarter then that.
"After everything's you've done...I can't just forgive you.." You say and you see how much your words impact you father but his kindness doesn't fade at the sight of denial. In fact it increases.
"I'm not asking for forgiveness...just a second chance.." He says his voice is soft and everything's in you is begging you to forgive him. But you can't.
Your hurt. He's hurt you.
"You killed my grandmother.. you took her life. That is not something I can forget." There it is something you've been dying to say to him. The final bridge that he must cross before you let him in.
You want him to explain. And he's been waiting for you to bring that up.
"That wasn't me. That was my men." He says defensively but his kindness is still there.
"Exactly your men. You might as well have killed her." You say and your venom is fierce and he feels it.
He feels your strength. He feels your emotions how you channel it into power. And he fucking loves it
If it wasn't such a bad moment he'd probably smile.
"They didn't do that by my command.....their orders were to scare you. Not to hurt you or your grandmother. "He says and you can hear his words are genuine.
"To scare me?" You say confused. They were just supposed to scare you...not bring you back?
"You still don't understand.....I let you go. " He says and he takes a small step forward and this time you don't step back.
You scoff at his words. He let you go? Impossible. He would've never let you go....atleast Not without a reason.
It's you who steps forward this time.
"Why?."
You ask commanding an answer.
"I had to let you go..." He says and his words are hollow and lack pride like his words usually have.
You look at him and tilt your head motioning for him to continue.
"Whether you believe what I say or not...I knew I was cruel. I knew I was hurting you." He says and his voice sincere. His tone so soft that you almost believe that this is a dream...
"And I didn't want to....but it was more about your strength. About what you were supposed to be.... there were things I couldn't teach you. I was to young. I lacked so much."
His voice is calm and he's trying to go around the truth but you already put the pieces together. You truly understand now.
"You lacked skills..but my grandfather didn't. So you let them take me. You let him train me. Teach me things that you never knew." You say and watch as he nods.
He sees that you've caught on. You've read him before he began speaking. Some only your grandfather would've been able to teach you.
"Your grandfather...he would've never taught me the things he's taught you." He says calmly.
He steps away from you and sits on a small chair and motions for you to sit across from him.
You hesitate sit and he pours you tea. Just like he used to do after your training had went well.
"So you expect me to teach you?" You ask as you take a sip of your tea.
"Teach me? No. I've learned plenty from other masters." He states and you look at him baffled.
"Teach Kion then?" You asks.
"No. I want to teach you all that I know." He says and he watches for your reaction.
"With what you already know and what I can teach you...you will be great." He says.
"All I am to you is some trophy..." You say feeling angry at his words how dare he want you to be nothing but a tool in game. In his war.
"Trophy?" He says confused and offended. You had taken his words the completely wrong way.
"My girl... you are all that I am. You are my daughter, my protégé, my heir."
What the hell did he just say? Heir?
You were no heir.
No bastard could be heir to the throne. You look at him confused and stunned.
"Kion is heir. Not me." You say as you take another sip of your tea.
"Says who? I have the final say." He say firmly.
"I will not take the throne from my brother." You say. You know how much blood can be shed from a siblings fighting of the throne.
"It's your birth right not his. He's known from the day he was born that you would be my heir. Not him." Your father states in a matter-of-factly tone.
"You can not take something that is already yours..." He continues.
Your silence is like a silence agreement to him as he continues speaking again.
"I assume Kion has told you what sub-zero did." He says and you can tell the memory still haunts him.
You nod.
"Do you know how he killed her?" He asks and his softness is long gone now.
You shake your head wanting him to continue.
"We were asleep. She was sleeping right next to me....and he slit her throat....I didn't even hear his steps. I woke up...and she was dead. He says and you can tell it hurts for him to admit that he was weak.
Now that was deep shit. You think to yourself.
All this time you had thought that sub-zero had killed her to start a war and take the throne ,but hearing how he killed...something much deeper had happened.
"Why not kill you? " You say and his eyes snap to yours.
"That's the question I ask every night....in chess when you take the king what happens?" He ask and you answer quickly.
"You win."
"Exactly....killing me... the throne would've been his. He wants something more... but I don't know what." His words are almost true...but he's hiding something. But you don't know what.....
You don't press any farther knowing he won't tell.. atleast not yet...
So you continue drinking your tea.
His words are kind and humble once agian as he begins speaking. And you can see the desperation in his eyes as he reaches for your hand.
"A war is coming ,and I need you...So I'll ask you agian. Will you allow me to be your father?"
As soon as the batfamilys feet touch the ground they take in the snowy atmosphere.
"Where the hell are we?" Your mother says confused. They weren't anywhere near the palace. They weren't anywhere near you.
"The portal was supposed to take us to her." Bruce says as he looks at the small device that controls the portal.
"She's about 10 thousand kilometers away." Tim says and dick groans.
"It'll take us forever to get there...." dick says annoyed.
Jason looks around the snowy grounds as if searching for you behind every tree. You mother walks up to him noticing his distressed state.
"You okay jay? Is medicine that we gave you still working? " She says her voice soft.
"Yeah.... I'm fine." He says dismissively. It was clear that jason was angry at pretty much everyone for you leaving.
He blames them. Because it is their fault.
"I have friends that can help that aren't to far from here..." Your grandfather says as he takes in the familiar surroundings.
"How long will it take us to her?" Your mother questions.
"A week at minimum. We better hurry." Your grandfather says as he begins walking knowing exactly where he's headed.
Damian stays silent for the most part. He knows he should've been a better brother...he regrets everything...ever incounter ever word...
He finally feels the weight of his actions getting back to him...but it's to late isn't it?
Thanks for reading!!
Comments and likes are highly appreciated! 💗
Taglist: @dhanyasri , @kore-of-the-underworld , @i-adorehannah , @plsfckmedxddy , @phoenixgurl030 @bunbunboysworld @bat1212 @skepvids @sirenetheblogger @Nervousalpacalady @118gremlin @darktrashpoetry @bitternsweet @kksmush @awawage @coffeemin @feral-childs-word @cens0r3d @sweetprincesscomputer @exactlynumberonekryptonite @rosy-myhouse34 @hebaoffside @sheep-from-rad @time-shardz @vanessa-boo @jellyedkazoo @chinxinsomnia @sillysealsies @nervousalpacalady @gwyneveire @simpingpandas @crazycaoticsimp @nickey-diano @welpthisisboring @jsprien213
#batfamily x reader#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#batsis reader#mk x dc#batfamily x batsis reader#damian wayne x reader#mortal combat reader#yandere batfam x reader#neglected reader#yandere platonic#yandere mortal kombat#platonic jason todd
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so i know you're trying to process Coming Home being the top fic now but bestie are you aware that you hit 30k kudos?
ok. ok ok okok.
As a warning, I'm going to get really weird and personal here.
I got these this morning. Just like with the last one I have no idea what to do with this or how to appropriately deal with it lmao but to everyone who has been so nice - thank you. so much? this is a number so unfathomable to me that I've been trying to sit with it all day and simply cannot process it as real.
I don't want to care about numbers. I want to be super cool and chill and above that. but this is a really big one. and I think it also is really reflective of how big this community has grown. I've decided it would be odd not to acknowledge it.
This is one of the craziest, kindest, most lovely things that has ever happened to me. It feels so incredible and validating to know my work reached some people. That is quite literally all I want to do with my life. And now it feels like I might be able to with my own stuff. But its a lil deeper than that too. All the comments and support have genuinely been such an amazing balm during a really dark time in my life.
At the start, this fic was always a method of escapism for me. I've been under so much pressure in my real life. I'm in a really weird, really competitive transitional point. everything I write irl may make or break the rest of my career. It is a type of pressure I'm incredibly grateful and privileged to have, but still stressful nonetheless.
But then, as i was writing this fic, it became way more of a lifeline. Not to get too personal, and idk if people paid attention to my end notes, but if you did you'll note I fell victim to the ao3 curse last October in a really big way. I lost a dear friend of mine very suddenly.
Starting coming home was a way for me to write something just to write it, knowing that I could be myself and do whatever I want and just throw shit at the wall without worrying about anything. after my friend passed away, the escapism of it became that much more valuable. (btw I would not post about it were I not in a much better place with it so don't worry about me <3)
I feel like maybe it's important at this point to explain the meaning of all the support because I've genuinely been unable to express it in a way I find appropriate. every piece of art every sweet comment etc. etc. helped get me through this really weird, sad, shocking time. As "cringe" as it might seem... fandom and fanfic can be really meaningful, powerful, and connective.
All this being said. coming home was definitely released in the right time for this to happen. A multichapter released right before and during season 2 as well as in the months after? Like. It was primed for this a bit (not intentionally but still) So many fics that get posted now deserve the same amount of love and support.
I really hesitate with numbers. sharing them, abiding by them, gaining value from them. I also get nervous about how people will feel entitled to treat me because of them. But this is so insane it feels weird not to say a bigger thank you.
#i'm on my period and recovering from a migraine and TWO things just hit the coming home towers i'm#anyways.#will i delete this#probably not but maybe i'll wake up in the morning with post migraine clarity#DLKFJHSDF#also queen AND bestie?!?!#ok gay ppl#also love how both these anons broke this to me like this was bad news i would take badly#im just really bad at attention LDKFJHSDF#and dont know how to deal with it#so sorry about that dklfjsdf#lets try to keep this from twitter for as long as possible i fear people will get weird about it in ways i cant even begin to predict
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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.
#on Friday one of my students was like 'are you a swiftie' and i said yes#and this one boy was like i have never heard you mention her#and i gave myself a mental high five for my own restraint#i have really tried to tamp down on that this year because things just get out of hand too fast otherwise#then of course 6th period came around and my defenses were gone and it was Friday and several students were gone#so I spoke on her and what I believed her legacy would be lol#and then I felt really bad about that decision :((((( for some reason#the kids loved it. but that is no sign that it was the right call!#anyway still reflecting#i did love that the student didn't know#i really want to be restrained both in general but especially about Taylor in my professional setting#and just. not be opening myself up to needless barbs about her but also not alienating people?#i HATE alienating people i want to reach all of them and the less I have standing in my way the better#so kind of constantly diffusing what threatens to blow up out of proportion#is like. half of my job#another student asked me immediately afterwards if i liked Kanye and i said gently that i did not know Kanye's music so i couldn't tell him#but like. i'm not getting into it you know? i'm not getting into the Taylor Culture Wars or whatever. I will not fan the flames of that#with students especially. but also i do care about her she's such a real part of my heart and my outlook#that sometimes I feel compelled to speak!#and just let them know what's going on in my heart#but yeah. as with many feelings relating to Taylor i often feel bad or foolish immediately afterwards for being vulnerable#kind of no position more vulnerable than taking the side of a millionaire pop star that people love to hate on#kidding!!! but I mean it's not wholly untrue#i like to think i try to move the space of the conversation immediately into something both grounded and relevant#when I do bring her up. and hopefully away from the worst bits of the inflammatory nature of Taylor discussions.#i hope it's healing for somebody/does any good.#but i have no way of knowing#i'm just rambling. it's saturday night and i had half a very strong drink#so my mind's just mulling.
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Lookie what I got! The rarest of collector's editions, with only one in existence! (There's an @ symbol in place of a © on the title page.)
(There's only one because I fixed it after I ordered my proof copy.)
Someday this will be very valuable, for sure!
#optimism ftw#why yes I do feel a bit stupid for that rather boneheaded error#but instead of dwelling on that I'd rather think about how much people will surely appreciate it years in the future#my writer friends are very talented you see#and there are some great stories in here#I like to think that someday the anthologies we put together will be looked back on in amazement#because how could so many famous writers have known each other from the start?#it's a nice thought#no idea what the future really holds of course#but I enjoy this possible future#just like I enjoy writing about Narcissus as a vampire who wants a reflection#and the walking-out-of-the-underworld Orpheus & Eurydice story as cyberpunk#there are many other cool things in here#and it comes out soon!#and pre-orders are up!#everywhere but Amazon for some aggravating reason!#clearly they are Too Big To Fail and no one is going to give them a proper kick in the pants for not getting their act together#like they were supposed to weeks ago#here's hoping their page works by launch day at least#we'll see#anyways!#yay I have my proof copy!#and it looks good!#I did the cover myself#my objectivity is shot but I think it turned out nice and professional#Shatterlore#book recs#indie author life#bookblr
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"For a self-proclaimed researcher... I thought you'd know by now that Psychic-types are weak against Ghost." "Morty-ehehe! B-But I'm nohohot a type specialist!" "Maybe should've thought of that first before deciding to wake me up so early."
A spiritual successor to this lil doodle of mine 🫣💖💕
#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#morty/eusine#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon tickle#'tis the season to be giggly or however that song goes askjdasnd//////////////////#pretty much a self-indulgent treat for myself this holiday season SDKJFSNKDFNS it's been real quiet this time 'round#I honestly don't usually look forward to christmas anyways since I have some bad memories tied to it :'D though it has been exceptionally--#--all over the place this year; partly on the busyness and errands being run on my household's side--#--though mainly on my own headspace and how I haven't.............. been great- these past few months#December in particular has been a time of reflection for me and it's just--been a lot - to grapple with#I needed to distance myself from things to try to make sense of myself---and still - I'm not quite sure where to go from here just yet#but I'll figure it out - one day. I finally do have a schedule with that new psychologist so that's something to look forward to#and I'm trying to get my bearings where I am now so--that's at least something to be grateful for I feel ❤️#got a bit sad there so I deserve to draw my sillies being tickly as a gift for myself yes yes akjsdajsknd#I've always wanted to draw a lee!Eusine ever since he's been implanted in my mind graaaaaaAAAHHHHHHHHHH /affectionate#let them be soft and sweet and domestic and silly with each other it's what they deserve 🫵🫵🫵
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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Hello! I love your crocodad au! I wanted to ask how do you plan stuff out for comics? Cause you have arcs figured out and whenever I try to plan it ends up as 3 ideas in a hat
this au started as 3 ideas in hat! at first i kind of wrote everything that i came up with, funny stuff and a few specific key moments without much of anything around. then i kind of pad around it, trying to figure out how to get these few moments.
started the au with the just the concept of croc raising luffy and what that could entail to, then thought of robin being there and the betrayal. everything went from there afterwards.
comics are great because you can make them somewhat episodic, im not good at telling 100% linear story, it's much easier to start with something episodic where each comics can be their own thing then slowly brings everything together. put some foreshadowing here, bring back this detail there. that's why the prologue isn't drawn in chronological order. 1) because i hadn't planned the whole thing at first, could draw in whatever order i felt like while i came up with the narrative. 2) because it's more fun to draw the funny part first, the shorter comics and really just putting the general idea of what the setting is like so i can work of that.
for example i decided without thinking that luffy got shot so he could keep a scar next to his eye, but different from the canon one so ppl could tell au and canon luffy apart. then i realized how much that event could influence the rest of story and characters, the themes and all.
what im saying is a few things started without too much thoughts behind them, put them there for fun or for convenience then went back to see how it could impact the story and characters and developed on that. there's a lot of ideas i ended up scratching because it didn't work, weren't actually that interesting or fun to me.
i've got a text file on my laptop and phone where i write anything that comes to mind, never delete any of the abandoned idea because i can always come back to them and take what was really interesting about them, reshape them entirely into something that works better. the notes can be a single sentence that will make no sense in a few weeks or a detailed plan of what a comic or event could be like, detailing each characters feelings and the setting it takes place in.
whenever i get hyped about something that won't happen until forever i go draw it, that way i won't forget about it and everytime i'll look at it i'll get all hyped again to keep working till we get there.
my process is kind of "write shit for kicks and giggles then go back and make it make sense."
#crocau ask#i dont start by thinking 'what are the themes i want to explore' but more 'wouldnt that be fun/angsty?' and themes shows up by themselves#there's recurring themes in the au i have with most of my stories. there's some parts that are vent. sometimes a bit straightforwardly othe#time the reflection of a reflection with a filter added on. the most important thing is to have fun cause if i spend sm time on smth#im bored of/dont like then whats the point! if i pressure myself into doing smth that Has to be good i'll just block myself from doing#anything at all. going about this au with a 'just do it. doesnt matter if its good or coherent just do smth and have fun with it'.
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of course you have white hyphae and pronouns
#finished T. Kingfisher's What Moves the Dead#a short and entertaining enough read — though I struggled a bit to suspend my disbelief regarding the supposedly historical setting#it wanted to do some interesting things with gender but I'm not sure it pulled it off or what to make of it#I want it to be good but upon further reflection it really isn't. sigh#kitchat#also as with so much art that involves like. personhood and body horror and fundamentally alien ways of perceiving the world—#— I found myself wishing it would have just gone harder somehow#I can't put my finger on How but I'll know it when I see it#honestly the answer might just be Put More Transgender In It#okay edit i think i wanted the characters to suck more. they all felt too wholesome especially in a story based on gothic horror
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that
#ow....... my heart 🥹#im not even really sad about anything specific its just been such a long week. and probably the comedown is enhancing it#i just want to cry snottily into someones shirt for like half an hour and maybe ill be okay#its just so haaaard. and i think the meds do help a bit but it still takes effort on my part too. and it sucks a ljttle bit that theyll-#take a while to get used to and maybe therell still be some side effects anyway. and also they could be stopped by shortages at any time#i guess it just scares me a bit the idea of depending on smth like medication just to get a little closer to being a functional human#i wish that came with existing already.. but no point lamenting abt it. the cards have been dealt and its not all that bad really#i just want to be happy.... not all the time but maybe a solid 60-70% of the time. if thats not too much. dont we all girl!!#ah my life is pretty good as it is though and i have a lot to be grateful for. but im allowed to want a little more... right 🥹#im going to go to beddddd. hopefully ill sleep better tonight and tomorrow will be a nice day. at least i dont have to work yayy#ahhh. also its my birthday soon and it always makes me sad coming up to and having a birthday i dont know why..#i dont mind getting older but i guess it makes me feel quite reflective and sometimes its hard to think about the past/future#i want to be able to celebrate birthdays and let people be nice to me and have fun about it! and i say every year ill try better at it#but i never manage to get there it always feels like too much to ask for and too much to take.. ah. well its okay really#ill make myself a cake and do smth fun. and have a good cry at some point but thats just part of the day#not for another few weeks anyway.. okay 10pm lights out zzzz#.diaries
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bar exam in 8 days. i am so scared lmfao
#ooc.#a bit of negativity in the tags:#i am also a little sad bc my studies and lack of availability/focus have def caused some people to not want to stick around here#but i am trying not to think about that now#thanks for sticking around if you're still here#i really appreciate it. i love being here and talking with you all. my life has just been so hard lately#when i was still able to write my brain would only let myself focus on certain things#and it is nothing to do with the lovely people i write with here#and more just what my brain let me focus on#this has been a thing since i have been in school#i opened my blog back up to the public right before finals#so you really have known this stressed scatterbrained version of me#that i would like to think isn't reflective of who i am as a person or writer#i've just been full of a lot of emotions lately#because i hold my fandoms and the people in them near and dear to my heart and i feel like i have inadvertently driven some of them away#so my heart is breaking a little bit.#if we have spoken on here#or i have sent a meme to you#or received one from you#or gotten a starter from you#or written a starter for you#you Do mean a lot to me.#i have not forgotten you.#i'll probably delete this soon. i'm a little embarrassed#i don't want this to be a pity party but i feel i owe an explanation#just know i have everything saved#everything in my drafts/askbox#and i never drop anything unless i tell you i need to for some reason#thank you for being here again#you all have offered me some solace and community during the hardest time in my life
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i found enneagram books and bought a couple, and i was feeling a little insecure ("am i rly a 7? i act like a 2 a lot of the time" etc etc) and then i read some stuff about type 7 and laughed out loud bc it read me so hard. so i think i'm typed right lmao
#it's the social instinctual variant making me attention oriented and somewhat self sacrificing#i remember a year or two ago when i took some personality test and scored super high on narcissism...#self obsessed now self obsessed forever 💖#anyway. the thing that got me was riso and hudson writing about 'the wake up call'#2's was believing they must go out to others to win them over... which resonates a little bit BUT#7's was feeling that something better is available somewhere else. and baby if that isnt me :/#I AM WORKING ON COMMITTING TO THINGS AND LIVING IN THE MOMENT AND APPRECIATING WHAT I HAVE#BUT I WANT MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE#variety and experiences and fun and and and#this has been noontime self reflection with jess. now you know im obsessed with myself and have avoidant tendencies#(if youve been following me or have known me for a while u already knew that lol it's not a big secret)#enneagram
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kind of very personal reflection in the tags about health and fear of death i guess
#really sucks when someone keeps going with unhealthy behaviors#and when the body suddenly breaks or suddenly gives extremely alarming signs it might already be too late to act#because 'but i was fine before'#one of the top reasons why i have done my best despite stress and arguing and everything going on to keep moving#keep hiking keep walking more than an hour a day keep eating even if i don't like it#managing stress and prioritizing myself some extents more#yeah i was 'fine' before. but i wasn't realizing i was slowly starting to kill myself. a young body won't tell you shit. it will compensate#until it suddenly can't anymore#just saw a video of a content creator i follow who suddenly got scared of their body giving up on them#and is now changing their lifestyle. which is great. but it's sad for me to see#because the body keeps score and catches up. it eventually does. and it's scary when it happens. and i wish i acted more for myself#anyway. i hope people look after themselves as much as they can and can afford#human body can snap its fingers and suddenly there's a huge problem that needs fixing. and it can be preventable#it can be easier. i don't want to fall ill because i push myself to extents my body can't follow. and i don't want people close to me to#risk the same. maybe it's selfish to want. but it's a bit of a reflection i've had buzzing in my head quite a while#and this video made me think actively on it again#i don't know when's the last time i'll see my aunt. she's 70 and morbidly obese and can barely walk. she needs medications and she can't#raise herself from her bed. i just don't want more family to go down that road. i want everyone to be ok and know that some things can be#easily prevented and looked after. yeah
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This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved
(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)
Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!
He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.
He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.
At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)
The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.
The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.
Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.
Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D
I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.
#coffeepaintart#jonathan sims#jon sims#tma#the magnus archives#scopophobia#scopophobia tw#tw scopophobia#the archivist#tma fanart#tma art#if i need to tag any other tws or cws lmk
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