#I AM WORKING ON COMMITTING TO THINGS AND LIVING IN THE MOMENT AND APPRECIATING WHAT I HAVE

[90stvqueen]

i found enneagram books and bought a couple, and i was feeling a little insecure ("am i rly a 7? i act like a 2 a lot of the time" etc etc) and then i read some stuff about type 7 and laughed out loud bc it read me so hard. so i think i'm typed right lmao

[berryyuni]

the good in the bad - yjw

✿ heroes and villains aren't meant to be together... that's what you and jungwon thought at least. perhaps your views have changed after having to work together with the yang jungwon. who would've thought.

pairing - hero!jungwon x villain!fem!reader (ft. heeseung and nct dream's jeno) genre - enemies to lovers, slow burnish, angst, fluff wc - 7.6k warnings - swearing, blood, violence, weapons, daddy issues, betrayal, jungwon's mean to the reader, kissing requested

tiana's note 🎀 - i'm so sorry this took so long to get out ! there was so many details i wanted to add, i know i could've added more but this was the best i can do. i really really had fun writing this, this is the longest fic i've ever written and it's something very different from something i'd usually write. thank you anon for requesting this !

౨ৎ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! <3 ✧˖° ... (library)

“this way! come on!” jeno yelled as he darted around the corner. you were right on his tail, making sure you don't stray behind.

the building's alarm blared into the calm, quiet night along with the loud footsteps of your pursuers. let’s just say that some people aren’t necessarily happy with what you have stolen. 

you had pulled off countless jobs: successfully breaking into buildings, swiftly looting them, and disappearing into the night. you were pretty much considered a pro at committing crimes. but something about tonight was different. the shadowstone - supposedly a very rare stone, one that can "change lives" once you lay hands on it. selling this would earn you millions. you needed this.jeno  as he darted around . were right on his tail, making sure you don't stray behind.the building's alarm blared into the calm, quiet night along with the loud footsteps of your pursuers.

you had pulled off countless jobs: successfully breaking into buildings, swiftly looting them, and disappearing into the night. you were pretty much considered a pro at committing crimes. but something about tonight was different. the shadowstone - supposedly a very rare stone, one that can "change lives" once you lay hands on it.you needed this

what you didn’t expect was the large swarm of people chasing you right after you’d stolen it. normally, the ear piercing alarm would go off, signaling that it was your time to disappear off into the night, but tonight felt oddly controlled, almost as if they were waiting for you to steal the stone. almost like it was all planned out…

but that didn’t concern you. the only thing on your mind right now was to escape with your new shiny prize.

11 hours ago…

“heeseung, what’s the reason for this? what am i looking at?” jungwon asked with a puzzled look on his face. heeseung had called for him to his headquarters - something that wasn’t so common as jungwon usually handles his missions on his own. heeseung only asks for him when it comes to serious matters. this must be one of those cases.

“y/n l/n, she also goes by the name of ‘echo’,” heeseung explained, walking towards jungwon, “she is known to be one of the deadliest - not to mention, skilled villains as of right now. she’s made quite the name for herself.”

jungwon’s brow furrowed, “what does she have anything to do with my mission?”

“i need you to locate and bring her to me immediately. she has something i want,” heeseung commands, his gaze intense.

jungwon pondered for a moment. how is he supposed to find you? you’re in a very large city, you can be anywhere. and more importantly, why, out of all heroes, does he have to find you? 

“jungwon,” heeseung said sternly, bringing him back to reality, “don’t let me down.”

“yes, sir.” he replied. with a wave, heeseung dismissed him.

now to hunt you, echo, down.

present…

after what felt like an eternity of running, you and jeno finally reach a quiet, secluded alleyway. you no longer heard the yells and footsteps of your pursuers so you assume you’re finally alone. kneeling over, you try to catch your breath. jeno doing the same. once your eyes met his, the two of you laugh and celebrate another successful run. he made his way over to you with his hand up, waiting for a high five. 

“another point for us,” he said excitedly. “i can already smell how rich we’re going to be.”

you laughed, breathless, “right? jeno, this is huge. this is going to change our lives, maybe we can finally settle down after this.” 

you noticed how his eyes lit up, “you really think so?”

“i do. the shadowstone is worth millions, i’m sure it’ll get us the money for the house we wanted,” grinning at him, you put your hand on his shoulder, “imagine months from now, we’re living in our dream house, we’ve retired from this job of ours and we’re finally living in peace… we can finally live the life we deserve, jeno.”

he smiles at you, putting his hand on top of yours, “i would do anything to live that life,” he glanced down at the satchel that rested at your hip and nudges his head towards it, “let’s see that stone of ours?”

“let’s do it.” 

as you started to reach in your bag to grab the stone, jeno says, “stay here, i’m going to go check if the coast is clear.” 

you nodded as you began to rummage through the bag. your hands finally make contact with the stone. you sighed in content, pulling it out. as you observed the sharp, black stone that sat in your hands, your smile began to fade. the stone wasn’t glimmering, translucent gem you were expecting. instead, it was dull, solid - fake. “fake…” you muttered, heart dropping.

just as you were about to warn jeno, you heard him yell, “echo, run!” but before you could even react, a man appears in front of jeno, attacking him. jeno tried to fight back only for his punches to be blocked, resulting in him being stabbed in the stomach, collapsing to the ground.

hearing his cries of pain, you gasp, tears blurring your vision, “jen-“ you try to run to him but you couldn’t. another man appears behind you and grabs you by the arms. no matter how much you try to kick and break free from his grasp, he’s too strong for you.

“no running now, freak,” he whispers into your ear. “we got her, jakah.” 

jakah? you’ve heard that name before somewhere but you can’t seem to recall at the moment. your brain was scattered, nothing made sense. you feel yourself being turned around in the man’s grasp and there you were met with a man that had a tall, lean build. dark brown hair covered his eyes but you still were able to feel his piercing gaze. his energy exuding power and confidence. he was not here to mess around. 

you were being pushed closer to him. your eyes meet. those eyes. they were captivating. you almost couldn’t look away from him. you didn’t want to. no. you can’t let yourself surrender to him. 

jakah observed you for a moment. his eyes trailed all over your figure - you felt like you could shrink just under his gaze. once he turned his attention back to your face, he tilts his head and clicks his tongue, “you’re not as deadly as he said you’d be… what happened?”

hearing this made anger run through your body. without thinking, you stomped on the foot of the man holding you, causing him to loosen his grip. you took this opportunity to swing around and punch him in the face to create some distance between you. as he’s doubled over in pain, you quickly grabbed your dagger that you had hidden in your leg and swung it at jakah, making contact with his cheek. 

his quick reflexes allowed him to grab your wrist to prevent further injury. your eyes widen at how strong he is, he brings his free hand to wipe away the droplets of blood coming from his cheek, his expression a mix of irritation and amusement, “don’t even bother fighting back, echo. you’ll waste your energy.” he smirks, pushing you to the ground. 

before you could react, jakah pulled out a gun and aims it at you. 

this was it. this was the end for you. as you began to accept the fact that this may be the last few moments being alive, a surge of electricity runs through your body and everything went black.

you slowly began to regain consciousness, groaning as you slowly opened your eyes. you found yourself tied to a chair, the ropes dug into your wrists and ankles. you try to free yourself, but the ropes were too tight. “shit.” you muttered, frustrated. 

taking in your surroundings, you realized that you’re being held in someone’s headquarters. in front of you was a man that had his back turned to you. in the dim lights you could make out the red tint in his hair. 

“she’s awake, sir.” a voice said from behind you, followed by the sound of approaching footsteps.

“good,” the man in front of you turned around, revealing his face. “it’s about time.” he smirked.

“what did you do to jeno?” was the first thing you said. you didn’t care about your safety, you just wanted to know if jeno was even alive.

“hello to you too,” the man started walking towards you, “do you know who i am or where you are?”

“why would i?” you spat out, struggling against the rope, “does it look like i care about that?” 

“there’s no point in struggling. you’re only making it worse,” jakah said, next to you. “you can’t escape anyway.”

you glare at him only to be met with his cold gaze. you realize there’s no point in talking to him. “why am i here?” you turn your focus back to the red haired man who stared at you intently, “if this is me finally being caught for my crimes… it sure isn’t how i envisioned it would be.”

“and how would that have been?” he asked, feigning amusement.

“oh you know, a handsome, charming man sweeping me off my feet and carrying me to my roomy cell,” you turn to jakah and scanned his face, “could’ve been you, you seem to fit the role perfectly. what a shame.” you sighed.

his glare only deepens, “you think you’re so funny-“

“jungwon.” the man in front of you interrupted sternly, “that’s enough.” the supposed jungwon looks down at his feet.

“why am i here?” you repeated, growing impatient, “you never answered my question.”

“you’re here because you’re the key to something i want.” he said, causing you to raise an eyebrow. “find me that amulet.”

the energy in the room shifts as you processed what the man said. it feels like time slowed down. anyone would be able to feel the coldness radiating off of you. jungwon watched your reaction closely, confused.

“…you’re heeseung.” your eyes darkened, “so it is you.”

“it’s nice to see you again, y/n,” he smiled. but behind that smile had so much meaning. jungwon had a feeling there was something he didn’t know. but for his sake, he chose not to interfere. you had gone silent as painful, buried memories began to resurface. you wanted to make them stop.

heeseung continued, “i need you to find the amulet for me.”

“why should i help you?” you snapped, “how do i know you’re not gonna just send me to my death?”

“you know what would happen if that amulet is in the wrong hands. we can’t afford to let chaos ensue once he finds what he’s looking for,” he pressed, “and you won’t be going alone, jungwon will be coming with you.”

“what?” the both of you said simultaneously causing you to glare at each other. “i don’t need a babysitter. it’d be quicker if i went alone.” you argued.

“and have you run off? no, that’s not happening. jungwon is coming with you to make sure you return with the amulet.”

you scoffed, “of course, you don’t trust me.” you can feel both pairs of eyes on you, waiting for you answer. “what’s in it for me?”

“if you come back with the amulet, i will release you and jeno and you will have the chance to throw away this life and start a new one without anyone coming after you, just like you wished.”

jeno’s still alive. you felt a sense of relief wash over your body after hearing those words leave his mouth. but for some reason, you couldn’t help but be skeptical at his proposal. it felt too easy. it could be a trap.

“how do i know you’ll keep your word? how do i know you won’t just send people after us?” you questioned.

“i have no interest in what you do besides this. i only need you for this matter so you will be free to go if you succeed.”

“and if i don’t succeed?”

“you’ll be joining jeno in the cells. and be handed over to the authorities.”

figures. you contemplated for a moment. from what you were understanding, you and jeno’s future relies solely on you finding this amulet - to which you may or may not know where and how to find it. it doesn’t hurt to try though. you and jeno needed this.

“okay,” you sighed, “i’ll help you find the amulet,” this caused heeseung to nod, but you continued, “but i need to see jeno first. i have to make sure he’s okay.”

“that can be done.” heeseung said, nodding to jungwon so that he can untie you. you rubbed your wrists as soon as you were freed. “make it quick though, the sooner you leave the better. jungwon, show her to jeno’s cell.”

“come on,” he gestured for you to follow. you quickly caught up to him, eager to see jeno. 

you followed him down the hall revealing numerous cells, however there was no one in them. just jeno. he was sitting on the ground, head buried in his knees. seeing him in such state made your stomach turn. “jeno,” you called out, immediately running over to him. he looks up at the sound of your voice. his face lights up and he scrambled closer to the bars.

“y/n,” he says, relieved, “you’re okay. i thought you were-“

“i’m okay,” you reassured, grabbing his hand, “i’m going to get you out of here, okay? i just need to find that amulet for them then we’ll be okay.”

jeno’s eyes widen and shakes his head, “the amulet? no, you can’t go y/n. that’s not going to end well.”

“i have to, jeno.” you whisper, “for us. heeseung and i made a deal. we’re free once i find it for him.”

“and you trusted him just like that? it sounds weird…”

“what other choice do i have? it was either freedom or being stuck here. i’m willing to take a risk.”

jungwon stood off to the side, waiting for you to finish your conversation with jeno. there was a lot he didn’t know: you and jeno’s relationship, how you knew heeseung, your connection with the amulet. he was completely in the dark. but he knew it wasn’t his place to pry for answers. if anything, he doesn’t want anything to do with you. why would he want to? you’re from very different worlds, that aren’t meant to be combined. he doesn’t trust you. he’s only doing this to prove to heeseung that he trusted the right person. he doesn’t want to let him down. never. 

“just… be safe, okay? you need to come back.” jeno pleaded, “i can’t lose you.”

“i promise i’ll be back. don’t worry about me,” you lean in closer to whisper the last part, “besides, i have myself this fine man coming with me.” you joked, making jeno scoff at you.

“of course in a situation like this, you’d find someone to thirst over.”

you had to admit, jungwon was an attractive man. you couldn’t help but be drawn to his captivating feline-like eyes, button nose, and quiet persona. jungwon had a lot of qualities that make you curious about him. he intrigued you. you knew there’s a lot more than what he shows on the outside. a part of you wanted to dig deeper into who he is - jungwon, not jakah.

“it’s time to go,” jungwon says, “let’s get this done as soon as we can.” and with that, he began to walk away, leaving you no choice but to quickly say your goodbyes to jeno and chasing after him - finally setting off onto your journey.

nothing was more awkward than this very moment. ever since you and jungwon began your journey, not a single word has been exchanged between you. the only thing that could be heard was the crunch of gravel underneath your feet. you didn’t mind it since you barely knew jungwon - plus it didn’t look like he wanted anything to do with you anyways. but you had to admit, it was getting boring having to walk in silence. you decide to take one for the team and open up a conversation. 

“so,” you started, “your real name’s jungwon? and your hero name is jakah. how did you come up with it?” you asked, expecting a reply from him. but nope, you were only met with silence. “okay,” you muttered, “i don’t know how i thought of ‘echo’ to be honest, it kind of just-“

“can you not?” he interrupted, voice filled with impatience, “i really don’t care about what you have to say.” his walking pace sped up so now he was walking in front of you.

sucking in a breath, you try to maintain your composure, “look i get it, you hate me for what i am and you were forced into this mission but i’m doing us both a favor to try to make this experience at least somewhat enjoyable.”

“okay, well don’t. you’re not my friend. i don’t trust you and i don’t like you. if it weren’t for the mission, i would’ve handed you and that partner of yours to the authorities myself.“ 

you weren’t going to lie, that stung a little. “hey, fuck you too. it’s not like i had a choice either. you were the one that kidnapped us so if anything you put yourself into this mess. you could’ve left us as is but no, you had to go and prove that you were good enough to your precious heeseung.” you argued, if he wants to be an asshole, you’ll be one in return.

jungwon’s face flushed with anger. he hated how right you were. he hated how you knew that he accepted this mission to show heeseung how capable he is to have a job as big as this. he hated you. “tell me where the amulet is. i’ll go get it myself.” he demanded.

“no.” you said firmly, “you won’t be able to get it without me. like heeseung said, i’m the ‘key’ to finding it.” you decided to end the conversation right there. 

as you were about to continue walking, you feel jungwon pull harshly at your wrist. “bullshit. you’re not the key. i don’t care about how special you think you are to this mission, tell me where the amulet is.” 

“or what? you’ll kill me? leave me for dead? you don’t scare me, jungwon. i’ve been through it all.” you yank your wrist from his grasp, glaring at him.

“fuck this.” he mutters, walking away from you.

“where are you going?” you yell.

“i’m finding the amulet myself.” he yells back, his figure shrinking as he walked away.

“asshole.” you muttered under your breath. there was nothing else you could do. it was very evident jungwon hates you and couldn’t even stand being around you.

that’s his problem.

you genuinely had no idea how jungwon would find the amulet on his own. he had no leads. you tried to warn him. for once, you wanted to be a good person and help someone out, but of course it blows up in your face. maybe this was just how things are for you - always trying to do the right thing, only for you to face the consequences. maybe it’s just a fated thing for you to be a villain. 

as you walked to your destination, your mind couldn’t help but wander off to jungwon. this was the dangerous part in the city. it’s basically the abandoned part, no one dares to go here. it has everything bad you can imagine - thieves, gangs, all the sketchy things. you knew this place like the back of your hand unlike jungwon. this was your territory and that is why you should’ve stuck with him. he could get himself killed here. but wait, why are you worrying so much about him? why are you wondering where he is or if he’s even okay? it’s not your business. he was the one that wanted to go off on his own. he hates you. you remind yourself.

but he needs me.

as embarrassing as it is to admit, jungwon was completely lost. he had no idea where he was going. and the fact that the night time is slowly approaching does not help with his situation. everything’s starting to look the same to him. he could’ve sworn he saw that tree 3 times already. is he just going in circles at this point?

jungwon mentally cursed at himself for letting his stubbornness take over. maybe it was a good idea for you to lead the way since it did look like you knew what you were doing. but did he want to admit that? no, not at all. you were a villain and to him, all villains are the same - cold and heartless. of course, he would have his guard up. 

…but was he too harsh? the more jungwon recalled your conversation, the more he started feeling somewhat guilty? to how he treated you. you never really fought back unless you had to, you were just doing what you had to do.

jungwon was conflicted. he can’t seem to figure you out. you’re not like any of the villains jungwon has come across. you haven’t tried to kill him or cause harm ever since you started the mission. in fact, you were so willing to go and find the amulet for heeseung - and you’re pretty determined to find it. why is that? and why are you being so secretive about the location of the amulet? why were you the “key”? there were too many unanswered questions. he wants to know more, more about you. 

wait what?

snapping out of his thoughts, jungwon checks back into reality only to find him falling to the ground with a rope tied around his ankles. he must’ve stepped into a trap while he wasn’t paying attention. panicking, he tries to quickly untie himself but is suddenly pinned down by a masked man holding a knife to his throat. 

“well, well, well, what is jakah doing out here all by himself?” the man cackles. jungwon looks around frantically for his gun but finds it a few inches away from him. it was too far for him to reach. “where’s your little girlfriend? did she leave out here to die? classic echo.” the outline of the man’s wide grin can be seen through his mask, “guess you’ll have to die out here alone. well deserved.” 

jungwon could feel the blade pushing deeper and deeper into his neck. he winces in pain but suddenly he feels the man’s hand go limp. he opens his eyes to find that a blade has gone through the man’s chest, blood dripping all over him. he falls off to the side. 

it was you. you saved him.

breathing heavily, you stare at jungwon. he stares back, expression unreadable. did you run to him? how did you find him? “it’s you.” he let out a small breath of relief.

you haven’t looked away from him. jungwon observed your expression. you looked relieved? hesitantly you asked, “are you hurt?”

he shook his head, “no, i’m okay.” you nodded, bending down to help untie his ankles. you helped him up afterwards. neither of you knew what to say. last time you talked, it ended badly. you didn’t want it to happen again but at the same time, you wanted to stay by his side. you can feel his eyes on you - scared to look at him, you looked somewhere else. “…i think you should lead the way.” you heard him say softly, catching you by surprise. the only thing you could do was nod. for once, you didn’t have anything to say. jungwon wasn’t used to it.

you were getting closer to your destination. the building was in sight. all you had to do was cross a bridge and go through a run-down building then you have made it. the closer you got, the more the nerves started to kick in. this was not how you expected your day to go. you were not expecting to run an errand for good guys. you were not expecting to see that person again. you didn’t want to.

noticing the slight shift in your energy, jungwon looks to you and asks, “is everything okay?”

“hm? oh… yeah i’m fine. just thinking…” you replied, trailing off. jungwon waited for you to continue your sentence but you didn’t. “we’re almost there. we just need to cross this bridge and enter that building, then we can bring the amulet back to your boss,” you paused, “then i’ll be out of your way.” you gave him a small fake smile but he could easily see through it.

you weren’t going to lie, you didn’t want the mission to end. to your surprise, you enjoyed your time with jungwon even if it was rough at first. it was a different experience, but a good one. you liked being on the good side for once. you also couldn’t ignore the fondness you have developed for the boy… you were going to miss this.

jungwon only nodded, feeling a strange pang in his heart. to his surprise, he also felt a bit of disappointment that the mission was coming to an end. he has grown used to your company in a short amount of time. he’s not used to having a partner but honestly, he likes it. it’s going to be hard for him going back to working alone.

the two of you walked in a comfortable silence but that was soon interrupted when you suddenly gasped in disbelief, “no way!” 

confused, jungwon watches you run ahead to look at something over the bridge railing, “where are you going?” he asks, catching up.

he looks at you and notices an excited expression on your face. his gaze slightly softens as he observes this rare expression, “it still looks the same…” you whisper. jungwon looks to where you were looking. there was a small pond surrounded by a beautiful field of healthy grass filled with white daisies. a weeping willow stood nearby, adding to the scene. it looked like something straight out of a storybook. it was very much different sight to see compared to what you have seen throughout your journey.

you turned to jungwon with a grin, “i used to go here a lot as a kid. i’d sit by the pond and take in the silence…” you reminisced, tons of memories were coming back to you - the good and bad.

“you’ve been here before?” jungwon asked, seeing a hint of sadness in your eyes.

“i grew up here actually.” you confessed softly, “it didn’t always use to look like this,” you said, gesturing to the area around you. “it was nice actually, quiet.”

“i can see why you liked this place…” he commented, taking in the beautiful sight in front of him. he’s never seen you this calm before.

you thought carefully about what you wanted to say next. for some reason, you felt like you could tell jungwon anything at this moment. you felt safe. “you must be so confused on what exactly it is we’re doing,” you chuckled, grabbing jungwon’s attention, “uhm, you know how heeseung said that i was the key to getting the amulet?” he nodded slowly, “well, that’s because the person who has the amulet is my father.” jungwon’s eyes widened, it’s all starting to make sense now. “i haven’t seen him in years. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know that i’m alive.” you let out a bitter laugh.

“what do you mean by that?” jungwon asked cautiously. judging by your tone, this might be something you’d want to talk about. he’s not expecting you to open up to him especially with how he has treated you.

“i hope you realize i’m about to trauma dump you,” you joked, jungwon didn’t laugh. instead, he looked concerned - something that completely caught you off guard. because of this, your expression changed back to a serious one. “i wasn’t always like this,” you gestured to yourself, “bad, i mean. in fact, growing up i wanted to be a superhero. the idea of saving and helping people always spoke out to me as well as having people look up to you. but, not all dreams come true.” you sighed, “my father isn’t exactly the greatest person, in my opinion. i mean, he left me for dead at a very young age just to save that precious amulet of his. it’s funny cause i actually know heeseung,” hearing his name, jungwon perks up, “heeseung’s been looking for that amulet for all these years because of the secrets it holds. like he said, it being in the wrong hands can lead to chaos,” your eyes begin to water as you recall past events, “one day, my father and i were cornered by heeseung and his men. he demanded for the amulet but, my dad refused. a fight broke out, i tried to hide somewhere but my dad threw a bomb as a distraction and ran off, leaving me behind. everyone leaves, it was just me. i thought my dad would come back for me but nope. i was all scared and alone. so i had to do what i could to survive and unfortunately those things weren’t necessarily considered to be good acts…”

“heeseung didn’t save you? and where was your mom?” he asked, puzzled why heeseung would leave you behind.

“heeseung didn��t care about me. all he wanted was the amulet. and my mom died when i was a baby - complications during birth.”

“i’m so sorry…” jungwon placed his hand on top of yours, rubbing soothing circles. you looked down at your hands, surprised by his sudden gesture. your heart fluttered at his actions. “that must’ve been so hard to go through all alone.”

“i wasn’t alone.” you smile fondly, “i had jeno.”

“what is jeno to you exactly?” you raise an eyebrow at him, “if you don’t mind me asking…”

“why? are you jealous?” you tease.

“no.” yes he was. “i’m just trying to get to know you better.” he quickly clarified.

“you definitely weren’t trying to do that before,” you laugh, “but no, jeno’s not my boyfriend. he’s just someone really special to me. he found me when i was all alone and he stuck by my side through it all. he saved me when i needed somebody the most. so i owe him my life really.”

“is that why you accepted the mission so quickly, despite your father?” he asked.

you nodded, “i can’t just leave him there. he needs me. and it could give us the life we’ve always wanted.”

“and what’s that life you’ve always wanted?” jungwon’s not sure what possessed him but he built up the courage to get a little closer to you. his entire body now facing you.

flustered by the close proximity, you stuttered, “uhm not having to commit any more crimes. living in a quiet, peaceful area, nothing coming to bother us. just enjoying each other’s company…” you trailed off, looking into jungwon’s eyes, neither of you wanting to break eye contact. you could’ve sworn you saw his eyes flickered to your lips.

“and you want to live this life with jeno?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. his hand reaches up to brush a strand of hair away from your face.

“yes…” you whisper.

“okay.” was all he said, before turning his attention back to the pond.

you needed a second to calm down your racing heart. “well, i basically just told you my entire life story, what’s yours?” you ask.

he shrugged, “there’s not much to tell. just your average superhero origin story.”

you scoff, “please, i’m sure your story is very entertaining. i wanna learn more about you.”

he breathes out “well, kind of like you, i have always been on my own my whole childhood. but that was my choice. i’ve always wanted to be a superhero so i made that my entire life. i was dead set on becoming one so i ran at every opportunity to help people. eventually, all my acts got heeseung’s attention so he took me under his wing. he trained me and got me to where i am today. i’ve always looked up to him and never wanted to let him down. i guess it’s cause i don’t want him to regret choosing me to become a hero...”

“you’re a good person, jungwon.” you say, “i have a lot of respect for you actually. i think heeseung’s very lucky to have you. he’d be an idiot to not recognize all that you’ve done.” you smile.

“you know, you’re not the scary villain you make yourself to be.”

you laugh, “everyone has some layers to them.”

you and jungwon finally reach your father’s hideout. standing in front of the door, you let out a shaky breath. you feel jungwon’s hand on your shoulder, “hey, i’m right here.” he offers you a reassuring smile.

“here goes nothing.” you mumbled, opening the door.

you slowly walk in, looking for any sign of him. you gesture for jungwon to look around. as you wandered around and took in the details of his hideout, your mind couldn’t help but wander back to the past. how could he just leave you like that? you always thought you and your father had a strong relationship but apparently not since he was able to leave you so easily. you wondered if things would’ve been different if he never left you. maybe you could’ve walked down the better path. but that would mean that you’d never have met jeno… and even jungwon. that’s something you can’t even imagine - and you don’t even want to.

“y/n,” you hear jungwon call out anxiously. you quickly turn your head towards the sound of his voice and the scene in front of you causes you to freeze. there stood your father pointing a gun at jungwon, his hands were in the air, silently praying that he wouldn’t get shot.

you let out a shaky breath, “put down the gun. he’s with me.”

to your surprise, he slowly lowered the gun, “you’ve grown so much.” he said, his voice tinged with nostalgia. 

“well that’s what growing up does to you. you could’ve seen it if you hadn’t abandoned me.” you said coldly.

“i did what i had to.” he defended, causing you to roll your eyes.

“you did what you had to?” you scoffed, “so leaving me for an amulet was your top priority. wow, you deserve a ‘dad of the year’ award.” you say, sarcastically. 

“we’re not doing this right now, what even brings you here? why are you suddenly working with a superhero.” he motions towards jungwon, who’s eyes were only on you.

“that shouldn’t concern you,” you shook your head, “i need the amulet.”

“i’m not giving you the amulet, y/n.” he sighed, “you should know that.”

“i see you’re still the same,” you spit out, “you stole that amulet, dad. what good does that even do for you? it’s been years and you haven’t even done anything with it. why do you want to live the rest of your life in hiding?”

“i need this amulet for answers, y/n. don’t you want to find out more about our family history?”

“there’s a reason why this amulet was locked away. maybe those secrets could do more harm than good,” you look down at the ground, “besides, i have no interest in our family… i had to learn the hard way that i don’t even have one.”

the room goes silent at your words. all jungwon wanted to do was pull you into your arms and tell you that it wasn’t true - that you are loved and you have a family.

“i know you want nothing to do with me. but please, give me the amulet. you’ll never see my face again, i promise. i really really need it,” you beg, you don’t even care how pathetic you look now. all you wanted was to get this stupid amulet and save your best friend. “i have so much on the line.”

you honestly have no idea what you had just said because suddenly you see that the amulet has been tossed at your feet. you quickly bend down to pick it up and examine it. you had to make sure it wasn’t a trap. “i don’t know why you need this so badly or what even happened but… the last thing i want to is my daughter to lost whatever she has left.”

your eyes fill your tears but you quickly blink them away. “thank you.” you whisper.

“now go before i regret it.” he said with an awkward laugh.

you nod and begin to walk out but you were stopped by your father calling out to you, “i know i wasn’t the best dad but… i do love you, y/n. and i wish you the best in everything.”

you didn’t know what to say to that. it definitely wasn’t something you were expecting. but due to your circumstances, you couldn’t really give him a proper answer… so all you did was give him a sad smile before leaving.

once reaching the outside again, you and jungwon immediately make your way back to heeseung. you felt like you can finally breathe again. you stare at the amulet in your hands. this was what ruined what you had left of a family - this chunk of gold. “are you okay?” you hear jungwon say.

you nodded, smiling out of reflex, “yeah, of course. let’s just get back, yeah?”

his gaze lingered on you, a concerned expression on his face“you know, you don’t always have to put on a strong face. it’s okay to let your walls down, y/n.” 

his words made you stop. the walls you’ve spent years building suddenly crumble before you. your breath hitches and for some reason, you were no longer able to hold back your tears. jungwon, without hesitation, pulls you into his embrace.

“it’s just hard,” you sobbed into his shoulder, “ i don’t even know how i got here. how did i fall down this path? i don’t want it.” 

“it’s not your fault, y/n.” he comforted, “it’s never too late to start all over. you have it in you, you can be the person you want to be. it’s all over now, you and jeno can finally leave. you deserve it.”

“but i don’t want to leave you.” you confessed, pulling away from him.

his shoulders fell and he gently cupped your cheeks, wiping away your tears with his thumbs, “i don’t want to leave you either,” he admits softly, “but you deserve a chance at a second life.”

you stare into his eyes, seeing the sincerity in them. never would you have thought that you’d fall for the yang jungwon. the same goes for him. you’re from two very different worlds, it was never expected you’d even be on good terms with each other. but apparently in your situation, it was possible. it was something special.

“heeseung? we’re back.” jungwon announces, heeseung immediately runs up to you.

“you got the amulet?” he asked, a little surprised that you managed to make it back.

“right here,” you pull out the amulet and gave it to him.

he sighs in relief and examines the amulet, “finally,” he mutters under his breath. you watch heeseung in anticipation, waiting for his next words, “good work.” he comments. 

you see him glance at someone from behind you, gesturing something. before you could look back, you felt your wrists being restrained, “w-wait, what are you doing?” you panic.

“you really think i’d let a villain run loose? wow, you really are pathetic.” heeseung snickers, “lock her up.” he tells the man that’s restraining you. 

shock ran through your body as you try to process what had just happened. you struggle against the restraints and resist the man holding you back but the more you tried, the weaker you felt. your heart races as you were being dragged towards the cells.

“jungwon!” you call out in desperation.

“hey, this wasn’t part of the deal!” he yelled, attempting to run to you but heeseung holds him back. “let her go!” he tries to fight back but it’s no use. you’re already gone.

jungwon looks at heeseung in disbelief, “let her go.” he commands.

“since when did you care about her?” heeseung’s face drops, “don’t tell me you’ve fallen for her… do you know who she is?”

“i know that she’s a good person. she just fell down the right path but she’s capable.” he defends. “and you,” jungwon points a finger at heeseung’s chest, “you could’ve helped her. she wouldn’t be where she is right now if you’d help her when she was a kid. but you left her.” he accused. “you’re no better than her father.”

heeseung’s face hardens the more jungwon accuses him, “that’s not how you talk to your boss. don’t let your emotions take over.”

“i’ll talk to you however i want to!” he retorts, “you let her suffer. you could’ve saved her but you chose not to. you’re just as responsible for how she turned out.”

you sat in your cell, listening to every word that was being exchanged between heeseung and jungwon. you could hear the echoes of jungwon’s heavy footsteps as he walked away in frustration. now it was just you left alone once again. 

you pull at your hair in anger. what now?

it felt like hours since you’ve been locked up. you sat against the wall in defeat. you lost. you don’t know what to do anymore. you shouldn’t even be surprised. of course you’d get locked up - you’re a bad guy after all and that’s a hero’s job, put away the bad guys. you should’ve have gotten your hopes up. “jeno?” you croaked.

he hummed in response, “i’m sorry.” you say, your voice cracking, “this is my fault. i shouldn’t have trusted them.”

“it’s not your fault, y/n. stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. you did what you could.” he says gently.

“we’re never going to be able to be free. it’s never going to happen.”

“you don’t know that,” he whispers, “this might be another one of those sticky situations we get stuck in. we’ll get out of this.”

“it’s not that likely.” you sigh. you close your eyes, feeling exhausted and drained. there really was nothing you could do. all you could do was just sit and await your fate.

moments pass until you hear hurried footsteps coming towards your direction. you perk up, in caution. turning the corner, revealed jungwon who was out of breath. “jungwon?” you stood up and walked closer to the bars. jeno perks up, watching the two of you.

“i’m getting you guys out of here,” he whispers, “i’m not letting you stay here.”

your heart flutters once more. this boy will never fail to surprise you. “but what about heeseung? he’s gonna kill you once he finds out you let us out.” you asked, concerned.

“that doesn’t matter to me. you’re more important.” jungwon opens your cell and quickly moves over to jeno’s. 

“why are you helping us?”

“because i know there’s more to you than being a bad guy. you’re a good person, y/n. you just need a chance.” your gaze softens, “come on, hurry. follow me.”

the three of you run through a hidden passageway jungwon found. next thing you knew, you were able to be the light again. you walked until there was some good distance between you and heeseung’s place. reality begins to hit you and you start to realize what’s about to happen. you look at jeno and he gives you a smile before walking away, giving you and jungwon some space. you stand, looking down at your feet, not being able to look at jungwon. you feel him getting closer to you, feeling his breath hit your face. “you made it.” he whispers, tilting your chin up to look at him.

“thanks to you,” you smile at him. “you saved me...”

“you saved me first,” he laughs softly, his smile then falters, “is… it selfish of me to say that i don’t want you to go even though i saved you?”

you laugh, “i don’t think so. i don’t want to leave you behind either.” your eyes well up with tears, “god, jungwon what have you done to me?” you sniffle.

jungwon lets out a small laugh before closing the distance between you. his lips press against yours, almost out of desperation. you return the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. you let your tears fall. you wish this moment could last forever… but unfortunately all good things must come to an end eventually.

you kissed until you ran out of air. pulling away, jungwon wipes your tears away and kisses your forehead. “you guys should start heading out. i don’t want heeseung finding you.” he says, voice wavering. 

you nod sadly, “yeah…”

“i’ll come find you, i promise.”

“and i’ll wait for you.” jeno walks up to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder, giving you a comforting smile. you start to back away from jungwon, who gives you a sad smile. if you were able to hear the sound of his heart breaking, it would be very loud and clear. you had to fight the urge to just run back to him and stay with him, but you knew you had to leave. like jungwon said, you deserve a chance. you can’t give up now.

you give jungwon one last wave, “’til next time, partner.” you saluted and blew him a kiss.

there will be a next time. jungwon will make sure of it.

©berryyuni 2024. all work is written by me. do not copy, translate or repost

taglist (open): @suneng @j-jinxee @cherrikii @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @laylasbunbunny

[ukiyowi]

Channelled Messages 💌

Channelling messages from your: Future Spouse, Closest Friends, Spirit Guides, and Future Self

Note: Please DM me if you want a reading I am going to be putting a discount on all my readings because I am in a rough spot financially and need to pay money for my room which I was not aware of earlier and could be kicked out if I don't at the earliest. Book a reading || Tip me! (Ko-fi)

♡ Future Spouse

♡ Closest Friends

♡ Spirit Guides

♡ Future Self

Future Spouse

💌 Pile 1

My Love,

I imagine us walking hand in hand through the seasons of life, supporting each other through every victory and challenge. Together, we will create a collage of memories, painting the canvas of our shared life with love, laughter, and endless adventures.

I promise to be your biggest cheerleader, your confidant in times of doubt, and your unwavering support through thick and thin. I vow to cherish and respect you for the unique individual that you are, appreciating both your strengths and your vulnerabilities.

You are scarred right now but theres no reason to be. You are so filled with love and light and everything good, just because someone else cannot see it does not mean it doesnt exist. If I could bring you the moon and the stars I would in an instant. I don't think there has ever been or will ever be someone who is as bright as you.

Please take care of your health, you cannot make excuses for bad habits and keep living life like that, no matter how stressful work or life is please make time for yourself. We still have a while to meet so take care of yourself for both you and I.

Song: It's a Shame - The Spinners

💌 Pile 2

Hey Darling,

Our connection, I believe, will be deeper than words can express. It will be built on trust, respect, and a genuine desire to see each other flourish. While I can't predict the future, I am steadfast in my commitment to cherishing every moment we have together.

We have met before, I don't think you remember me, but I do. your beauty had me stunned and so did your mannerisms. I admire the way you carry yourself, with so much dignity and poise, as if the personification of grace itself were standing in front of me, sweeping me off of my feet.

I will shower you with anything you want, praise, adoration, gifts, love, time, energy, and be there whenever you need. Life is probably fun for you right now, unfortunately for me the road is a little rocky. Enjoy this time with your friends and family, your loved ones truly care about you and want what's best for you even if they can't articulate it well.

Stay strong butterflly and look for me in your dreams, I promise to be a frequent visitor. hope you likfe sunflowers, lillies, and magnolias angel.

Song: Mango bananas - Flyana Boss

💌 Pile 3

Hi sweetheart!!

I have a feeling that when we finally meet, there's going to be a bell that rings making us instantly know like it did in Your Name, also hope you like animation because I love it, I also really like drawing and art, do you? Please say yes!

Life seems to be going too fast for you right now so you need to make sure that you don't lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Calm down and do things you enjoy, maybe you'll like pottery!

But beyond the laughter and silliness, I want you to know that I'm dead serious about creating a remarkable life together. We'll support each other's dreams, even if they involve opening a cat cafe or becoming professional trampoline testers (hey, it's a thing, right?). We'll navigate the ups and downs of life hand in hand, and I promise to be your rock when you need it most.

Song: Glue Song - beabadoobee

xoxo

Closest Friends

💌 Pile 1

Life has been quite the rollercoaster lately, filled with its usual ups and downs. I've had my fair share of challenges, but there have also been some incredible moments that I wish I could have shared with you in person.

I often find myself reminiscing about the good old days when we used to spend hours talking and laughing about anything and everything . Those memories are some of my most cherished, and I truly miss you.

Please know that no matter where life takes us or how much time passes, you will always hold a special place in my heart. Your friendship has been a source of strength, laughter, and endless support, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

Let's make a promise to catch up soon, whether it's over a cup of coffee or a long, heartfelt phone call. I genuinely look forward to hearing how you've been and sharing all the stories we've missed out on.

With love,

Initials may include: R, P, W, Q, L

Song: Window - Still Woozy

💌 Pile 2

Leaving behind the place we've called home for so long is both exciting and bittersweet. While new opportunities wait and adventures call, it's hard not to feel a tinge of sadness at the thought of being farther away from you.

Although physical distance may separate us, please know that you will always hold a special place in my life. Our bond is not defined by geography but by the strong connection we share.

And the internet exists so we'll be fine right? You promise to not lose touch with me even when we're both busy? I promise I will remember to call you, if not daily then weekly, please don't forget me.

I wish you could join me and we could embark on this together but life has its ways of separating the best people we've met so that we are forced to widen our horizons and social circles lol, hope it's not too much for either you or me.

Will miss you,

Initials pulled: A, J, M, S, K

Song: Missin something - Zach Templar

💌 Pile 3

I love the days we've shared and I wish to share so many more with you in the future, god I am so so so excited for everything thats to come!

Do you remember that time we decided to go on that impromptu road trip? No plans, no GPS, just a car full of snacks, good music, and an unshakable belief that we'd find our way eventually. We got lost more times than I can count, but it was so much fun and truly unforgettable.

And how about those late-night conversations that somehow turned into early-morning confessions? We've solved the world's problems over a cup of lukewarm coffee more times than I can recall. The neighbors must have wondered if we were running a 24-hour café.

As I sit here reminiscing about these and countless other memories, I can't help but smile. Our friendship has been a rollercoaster of laughter, silliness, and genuine connection. And I wouldn't trade a single moment of it for anything in the world.

Sending you a virtual high-five and a whole lot of fond memories, here's to hundreds more, and don't forget about the promise we made about the weddings okay?

Your platonic soulmate,

Initials may include: G, H, B, L, T

Song: Right Here, For Now - Bakar

xoxo

Spirit Guides

💌 Pile 1

Embrace change with an open heart and a curious mind. Life is a series of shifts and transitions, and it's in these moments of change that growth and self-discovery thrive. Trust in your ability to adapt and evolve, for you possess the resilience needed to navigate uncharted waters.

As you progress in your career, always remember that your passion and purpose are the compass that should guide you. Pursue work that aligns with your values and fulfills your soul. Don't be afraid to explore different paths and take calculated risks. Each experience contributes to your growth and wisdom.

Learning is a lifelong journey, and each lesson learned is a stepping stone to your personal and professional development. Stay committed to your goals, and never underestimate the power of continued learning.

There may be moments of doubt or uncertainty along the way, but listen to your heart's desires and the quiet whispers of your soul, for they will guide you toward your true purpose.

Above all, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Success is not defined by a straight path but by the lessons learned along the way. Embrace each setback as an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser.

Song: Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift

💌 Pile 2

In matters of the heart, we see the longing in your soul for a deep and meaningful connection. First and foremost, we urge you to be patient with yourself. Love is a delicate dance, and it often takes time to find the right partner who truly understands and appreciates you.

As you seek love, remember the importance of self-love. Nurture your own well-being, both physically and emotionally. Don't be insecure about your quirks and imperfections, for they are the qualities that make you beautifully you. When you love yourself wholeheartedly, you become a magnet for the love you desire.

When it comes to romantic relationships, let go of preconceived notions and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised. Love can appear in unexpected places and forms. Stay open to meeting new people and exploring connections that may not fit your usual "type." Sometimes, the greatest love stories are the ones that defy expectations.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Be brave in expressing your feelings, needs, and desires. Equally important, listen to your partner with an open heart. True intimacy is born from understanding and genuine connection.

Whoever, you're thinking of, is not the one, set the standards high and do not settle for something that does not align with what you can give as well.

Song: Scared - Jeremy Zucker

💌 Pile 3

Know that you are never alone. We are always by your side, watching over you, and guiding you in subtle ways. We see your potential and your inner light, and we are here to help you recognize and nurture these gifts.

Trust in your intuition, for it is the voice of your soul and the channel through which we communicate with you. In times of uncertainty, turn inward and listen to the whispers of your heart, for they will lead you toward your true path.

Embrace the lessons that life presents, for they are opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Challenges are not obstacles but stepping stones on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.

Surround yourself with positive influences and kindred spirits who uplift and support your journey. Let go of relationships that drain your energy and hinder your growth. Create a circle of love and support that nurtures your soul.

Find joy in the simple pleasures of life. Take time to savor a cup of tea, watch a sunrise, or feel the grass beneath your feet. These moments of presence are where true happiness resides.

Song: July - Noah Cyrus

xoxo

Future Self

💌 Pile 1

Darling, I cannot even start to tell you how good life is right now for me, and eventually for you. I know you are currently going through a rough patch, and as cliche as this sounds, I want you to know that every storm you're weathering now is bringing you closer to the sunshine that awaits you.

In my time, I've seen how the challenges you're facing today have shaped you into the resilient, compassionate, and wise person I've become. The setbacks you're experiencing are not roadblocks; they are stepping stones leading you to the life you've always dreamed of.

You may feel lost, uncertain, and at times overwhelmed, but trust me, these moments are your greatest teachers. They are guiding you towards a deeper understanding of yourself, your purpose, and the incredible strength that lies within you.

One day, you will look back on this period of your life and realize that it was a transformative journey, a cocoon in which you underwent a profound metamorphosis. You'll emerge from it stronger, wiser, and more in tune with your inner self.

The relationships you're nurturing now, the lessons you're learning, and the self-care you're embracing will all become pillars of the beautiful life that awaits you. You'll find yourself surrounded by a supportive and loving community that cherishes you for exactly who you are.

Song: See you Again - Tyler, The Creator

💌 Pile 2

I am sorry, but things are not going the way you would have hoped they would. However, rejection is just redirection, okay? Although things are looking rough for me right now, which, for you, is in the future, I want you to know that this tough phase will lead you to a place of strength and growth.

Life can be incredibly challenging at times, and I wish I could spare you from some of the hardships I'm currently facing. But remember, every setback, every disappointment, is an opportunity for growth and learning. It's through these tough moments that we discover our resilience and develop the wisdom to make better choices in the future.

I want you to hold onto hope, even when it feels like all hope is lost. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome adversity. Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who will help you weather the storm.

Stay patient and kind to yourself. It's easy to be critical during challenging times, but self-compassion is crucial. Treat yourself with the same love and understanding that you offer to others.

I am working on something thats a dream of ours right now, and I am seeing signs that it may end up succeeding soon or at least kick off, and I still love designing and art as much as you do right now, although I barely have time for myself right now.

Song: Not in that way - Sam Smith

💌 Pile 3

Okay, so maybeee we should reel it in a little with how much you are overworking yourself because it is having a bad effect on me, aka future you. Yep, I'm here to tell you that all those late nights, skipped meals, and stress-induced hair-pulling moments are not doing us any favors down the line.

I get it, you're hustling, chasing dreams, and making things happen in the here and now, and that's commendable. But trust me, I've been there, done that, and I can assure you that I'd appreciate a little less burnout and a lot more balance in our past.

You see, life isn't just about reaching goals; it's about enjoying the journey too. So, let's make a pact to take breaks, breathe deeply, and relish the simple pleasures. Remember, it's not all about the destination; the detours and pit stops are just as important.

And don't worry, I'm not trying to cramp your style here; I just want us to have the best possible adventures together, full of energy, laughter, and great stories. So, let's find that sweet spot where hard work meets self-care, and where the future "us" can look back and be happy about the past "you" for making wise choices.

Also please stop pulling all nighters its not doing any wonders for our skin, and even an extensive 10 step skincare routine does not do as much as a good nights sleep can.

Song: While we're yound - Jhene Aiko

xoxo

[hearts4golbach]

ABC fluff headcanons for carrington??

ABC Fluff Headcanons.

pairing:

Carrington x Fem!Reader.

a/n:

not proofread

warnings:

sexual stuff mentioned

word count:

1.2k.

A- affection. (How affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

he is so affectionate. sometimes you have to pry him off of you when you need to go to work or leave.

B- Best friend. (What would they be like as best friend? How would the friendship start?)

literally your dream best friend. you'd have the kind of friendship where you don't really know when it started, but you're super close and that's what matters. you'd run around and record with him all the time. you two would be like Jake and Johnnie, but y/n and Carrington. :).

C- Cuddles. (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

he loves cuddling. he loves being as close to you as possible and would never let go of you if he had a choice. spooning is his favorite. sometimes he lets you be the big spoon, and he loves it more than he'd like to admit.

D- domestic. (Do they want to settle down? are they good at cooling and cleaning?)

he definitely would want to settle down after a little while. he's pretty average at cleaning, and cooking isn't one of his strong suits. he'd learn to make your favorite meals perfectly, though. eventually, a few certain meals made by him would feel gourmet.

E- ending. (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

truthfully, he wouldn't be able to face you if he wanted to break up. he'd call or text, but most likely not break up with you in person.

F- fiance. (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

Carrington thinks marriage is useless. he'd rather get you a promise ring and call you his wife instead of being legally married. Commitment doesn't scare him, but he thinks marriage is unnecessary.

G- gentle. (how gentle are they, both emotionally and phsyically?)

Carrington wouldn't hurt a fly. he's very gentle, even though he's very rambunctious. he knows how to comfort you, so there's never conflict. he doesn't treat you like you could break at any moment, but he is in fact very gentle. to him, you're more precious than anything and anyone and wants to prevent losing.

H- hugs. (Do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

you usually hug him first, and he always appreciates it. he squeezes you tight. he lives when you hug him so he can smell the new shampoo you've been trying or your signature perfume that reminds him of your first date.

I- I love you. (how fast do they say the L-word?)

he'd say it pretty soon in the relationship, most likely before the 3 month mark. he doesn't go throw the phrase 'i love you' around. if he says it, he means it.

J- jealousy. (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

he gets extremely jealous. no questions. he doesn't care who it is or what the situation is, he always gets jealous over the smallest things. he's not overbearing, though.

K- kisses. (What are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you?)

his kisses are actually magical. his lips are very soft, for sure. he loves to kiss your lips, that's his favorite. he also loves kissing your stomach (especially when he goes down on you) and your neck, of course.

L- little ones. (How are they around children?)

since he acts like a little kid (sometimes) he's amazing with children. if it's not annoying kid, he has fun whenever he's entertaining them. he loves to entertain people in general, and kids are probably the easiest to do so.

M- morning. (How are mornings spent with them?)

'you rested your head on Carringtons bare chest, cuddling up closer to him. it was a cool morning, if 11 am is considered morning, and you were laying in bed comfortably with your boyfriend. one hand gently scratched your back while the other ran through your hair. he loved spending the mornings like this.'

N- Night. (how are nights spent with them?)

whenever you stay the night, he loves having mini dates. whether you order out, make dinner, watch a movie, or just cuddle he never leaves your side. especially since his schedule is super busy, he gives you his full attention.

O- open. (when would they start revealing things about themselves? would they say everything all at once or slowly reveal things?)

if you're open with him, he's open with you. hell come to you about problems and you do the same. he tries very hard to communicate effectively and in a healthy way.

P- patience. (how easily annoyed are they?)

you two go around annoying eachother. since your humor aligns, it's hard to really annoy him.

Q- quizzes. (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail or easily forget aspects of you?)

his brain sucks up every little detail about you like a sponge. he knows you like the back of his hand.

R- remember. (what's their favorite moment of your relationship?)

his favorite moment would be the first time you played minecraft on stream with him. that night caused so many inside jokes to be created. gaming together really strengthened your bond.

S- security. (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he is veryyy protective. someone looks at you in any suggestive way? he makes sure it's known that you're his. if someone is threatening you, he's ready to take a bullet. he really loves it when you protect him from hate online, but he doesn't need that kind of help.

T- try. (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he loves celebrating any tiny event. whether it's a birthday, anniversary, collab, promotion, you two are celebrating. whether it's in bed or a small get together, it's recognized. Celebrating anniversaries is one way he shows how he loves you. he brings you little gifts and trinkets from the places he records or events he goes to.

U- ugly. (What would some bad habits of theirs be?)

whenever he sleeps in, he just gives up the whole day. he spends the rest of the day being lazy in bed (if his schedule allows.) he also has a habit of being exactly 2 minutes late to almost everything.

V- vanity. (how concerned are they with their looks?)

he's always overparanoid about his looks, especially around you. he knows he's somewhat attractive, but always wants to look the best he can. he wants to be perfect around you.

W- whole. (would they feel incomplete without you?)

is this even a question? you're his other half, and if you're not with him he's not totally himself.

X- Xtra. (a random head canon for them.)

sleeps with socks on. you hate it when you're cuddling and his clothed foot tickles your leg.

Y- yuck. (What are some things they wouldn't like?)

he is definitely not the type of boy to go on outdoorsy dates. in the city, it's hard to do so and he doesn't enjoy them.

Z- ZZZ. (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

he'll either sleep in until noon or wake up at 6 in the morning. there is no in-between for him. he talks to himself while he sleeps. he'd be sleeping and you'd hear "boi what the hell boi?"

[muddyorbsblr]

would've could've should've pt3

See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: Loki makes things right with you and your relationship, and Shuri makes a heartbreaking discovery about your past

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 8.5k [prepare drinks & snacks accordingly]

Warnings (spoilers ahead but y'all need these) : 18+ | heavy themes (dubcon hinted at in log reports; a whole portion detailing human experimentation involving drug-induced mental and emotional subjugation); Loki committing crimes (in the name of his bb); angst; Thor's mega-himbo behavior; language [let me know if I missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: established relationship; soft bf Loki hours

"I do not understand why we must be the ones doing such a menial task, Brother," Loki grumbled, walking through the large aisles of the marketplace that Thor all but dragged him to. "We are Asgardian royalty, and we are gods, we should not have to procure our own supplies."

"Stark says it is important that Midgardians perceive us as more than gods and heroes, Brother," the blond explained. "We do have staff in the Compound tasked to perform these duties for us, yes. But every now and again, there is a rotating schedule wherein we perform them. So that we may lessen the perception that we are a sort of enigma to them that only makes our presence felt when there is crisis. They can see us living our respective lives when we are not saving theirs."

While he could see the logic somewhat, he still wished that he would have been assigned to do this with you instead. It had been a few days since you two got back from your mission in California, and since then he outright refused for you to spend a night alone. And all he wanted at this moment was to finish with this drudgery and make his way back to you.

"This may be menial to you, Brother, but let me offer you the same advice that Jane once gave me when I expressed a similar sentiment on my first time," Thor continued on, walking down an aisle filled with those Pop Tarts that he favored munching on and tossing a half dozen boxes into his cart. "Find a semblance of fun in the exercise. Personally, I see this as my opportunity to include more my favorite Midgardian snacks, since staff don't put nearly enough and they expect me to share them. I get some of Jane's favorites as well."

Loki mulled over the seemingly basic advice, grabbing some of your favorite drink and tossing some extra into the cart. "I think I can begin to see the appeal," he conceded, he was still relieved when they finally crossed off all the items and brought the carts to the register, however.

"And another appeal for the unattached…" his brother murmured, not so subtly nudging him in the direction of the cashier. "This is a prime place to meet some stunning Midgardians who are also performing their own duties."

"Well hi there!" the woman greeted him. "I'm Sandy." She started ringing up the items with a peculiar stance that had him quite uncomfortable where he stood, always angling her body to offer him a few of her breasts down the wide neck of her shirt. "Thor's told me all about you."

"Brother…" Loki hissed the word through gritted teeth. "What in Norns' name are you doing?" Was this oaf trying to play matchmaker with him? Fully knowing that he was already happily committed to another? To you?

"Oh come on, Brother. It's clear that your current entanglement with your mortal will go nowhere if she refuses something as basic as laying with you. You've had many lovers back on Asgard, so I am not mistaken in assuming that this is her issue, and not yours."

"And may I say what. A. Shame," the clerk Sandy interjected. "In my opinion anyone that doesn't know and appreciate what they have don't deserve--"

"Hold your tongue," he snapped at her. "It is not your place to impose your opinion on me, you vile woman." She began to cower where she stood, suddenly becoming shifty in her stance. "You know nothing of her and yet you stand here pretending as if you have the higher moral ground. And you." He turned to address Thor now. "You call yourself my brother and yet you attempt to mastermind me away from my beloved and you haven't the slightest clue who you dare to offend--"

"Brother she is not your beloved. This woman isn't even willing to--"

"This woman's name is Y/N Y/L/N. You have regarded her as someone brilliant and fierce and yet you disrespect her so sickeningly." He gave his brother one last sneer before handing over the little plastic card that held Stark's money. "Not another word from you. I wish to be done with this task as soon as possible."

The clerk nodded wordlessly, the faintest hiccup coming out of her as she tried to temper her fear.

"Brother, my deepest apologies I did not know you and Lady Y/N had been--"

"Not a word from you, either," he hissed. "Lest you have forgotten the extent of my rage, Brother, allow me to put it into perspective. I would repeat my actions from over a decade ago in a heartbeat if it meant making her happy. Worse even, if she asked it of me. And of the two of us, she is the one that deserves your apology. She is the one you so flippantly disregarded with your words and your actions."

His oaf of a brother stayed silent the entire way back to the Compound, only uttering a simple sentiment that attempted to convey the remorse that he was trying to process.

"This time I might actually deserve you stabbing me, Brother."

That got him a singular mirthless chuckle. "I will do much worse if I ultimately lose her."

"Morgan, sweetie, be honest with me and your Auntie Nat. You're not doing your homework, are you?"

The little girl looked up at the two of you from her side of the table with wide eyes feigning innocence, looking the spitting image of her father. "I am, Auntie Y/N. Promise…"

"You sure, baby? Because…I know it's been a while since I went to school. You know, in the Bronze Age?" She let out a tiny bubbly giggle at your antic of placing your hand on your back and hunching over, pretending to hold yourself up by an invisible cane. "But baaaaaack in my day, my teachers would've smacked my hands clean off my arms if I was doing my math homework in crayon."

"This isn't my Math homework, silly Auntie Y/N," she giggled again, putting the crayon down and turning the paper around to push it in your and Nat's direction. "It's for Art class. We're supposed to draw our family. Look it." She threw her little body across the table, reaching out with the eraser end of her pencil to start pointing at the parts of her drawing. "There's Mommy and Daddy, and then Auntie Nat and Gruncle Bucky--"

"Wait hold on, Morgan, what did you call Bucky?" the currently platinum blonde assassin asked Morgan, trying so hard to hold back her amused smile. And failing.

"Well, he's an old man but he doesn't look it, so I got confused if I should call him Uncle or Grandpa, so now it's both. Gruncle."

Nat pursed her lips, her body beginning to shake from the laughs begging to escape her."That makes so much sense, sweetheart," she said, holding her hands up as if in surrender. "Keep going, baby Stark, who else you got in there?"

Morgan pointed to the next couple. "Auntie Wanda and Vision, and then Uncle Thor and Auntie Jane, then me…and right next to me." She pointed her pencil at a final couple, the drawing of her holding the woman's hand. "There's Auntie Y/N and Prince Loki."

A lump formed at your throat, combing back through all of your memories in recent months if there was something that the child might have seen that revealed your relationship to her way too perceptive eyes. "Uhh…why'd you pair me up with Mischief, sweetie?"

"Oh…well, because you're alone all the time, and Prince Loki's alone all the time, and if I drew you both alone it'll just look kinda sad so…I drew him next to you."

You had to fight against the urge to sigh in relief. "That makes sense. That's really thoughtful, baby."

The ding of the elevator effectively stopped the conversation, Morgan bringing the piece of paper back to her side of the table so she could finish coloring in everyone's hair. "We've returned!" Thor's voice bellowed as soon as he stepped into the common area.

"Welcome back," you droned, typing a reply to Shuri's message that just came through. My friend, I found something on these reports that I think you should see first. "Wonder what Shuri found…"

Nat leaned over your shoulder to see the message, her brows furrowing together after giving it a few passes. "You want, I could come with you when you go see her in case it's something real bad, Babes." All you did was nod at her, giving her a soft smile before tilting your head to lean against hers.

She had no idea what went down with you when you were in your late teens, in those years roaming the halls of that campus. Nobody except Loki knew, and if you were being completely honest with yourself, part of you regretted being so vulnerable with him because now he treated you like you were so fragile the tiniest little poke could break you apart.

And you'd spent so long doing everything in your power to make yourself stronger, more guarded. So that no one would ever be able to hurt you again.

"Y/N?" You sat up straight at the sound of Loki's voice filling the common area, the three of you at the table looking at each other with questions in your eyes.

"In here, Mischief," you called back, giving both Nat and Morgan a signal to act normal and stop watching like they were sat in front of the TV with a soap opera playing. You tried to finish up your reports from your mission in California when a familiar large hand placed a can of grape soda next to your water bottle. "Oh…Thanks, Loki." You looked up at him, giving the god a tiny smile before going back to your reports.

What he did next had both the assassin and Stark's daughter dropping their whole schtick of 'acting normal', taking your hand in his and gently tugging you to your feet. He didn't seem to care that there were very curious eyes intently watching on, brushing your hair back to tuck it behind your ear.

"What's wrong?" you blurted out, your heart at your throat from his actions. Before you could say anything else, he closed the remaining distance between you, pressing his lips to yours. You melted into his embrace, the gasps and squeals around you blurring into the background.

When he broke the kiss, he pulled you into an embrace, tucking his face into the crook of your neck and taking a deep breath, as if he was grounding himself. "I'm so sorry, darling. I've been a terrible partner to you, treating our relationship as if it were a secret to be hidden away. I never meant to--"

"Hey hey shh it's okay…" You wrapped your arms around his neck, doing your best to not sound like you were on the verge of tears. "It's okay, sweetie, you didn't know. And I didn't tell you, so that's on me, too."

"Absolutely not," he grumbled. "No part of this was your fault." He pulled away to frame your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Nothing that ever happened to you was your fault. I love you, little mortal."

"I love you, too, Mischief--"

"Hold up, you're Reindeer Games' girl?"

You pulled away just enough to look over and address Stark, placing your hands over Loki's. "Yeah, Stark…I'm 'prim and prissy'." His face visibly paled at your confirmation, remorse immediately coloring his features. "You got some more genius barbs to throw at me for not sleeping with my boyfriend?" You gave Nat a signal to cover Morgan's ears, which she quickly followed much to the child's visible pouting dismay. "What've you got this time? Tits sagged up? I'm probably dry like the goddamn Sahara in the nether regions? What if there's actually nothing down there and I'm built like a goddamn Barbie doll?"

"Goddammit, I really put my foot in my mouth this time, huh?"

"More like you decided to put all that yoga to good use, bent over and gave yourself a rimjob and then started running your mouth, but sure, Stark. Let's go with that." 

Tony flinched at your words, visibly biting his tongue from what was undoubtedly his instinct to dish out some snark just as good as he just got it. "You know what, I totally deserved that. I'm really sorry, jellybean, I never should have said anything."

"As am I, Lady Y/N," Thor spoke up as he joined the rest of you. "I never should have imposed in on your and Loki's life together. He has told me in numerous ways on our way back that my careless actions have jeopardized his happiness, and for that I beg for your forgiveness."

You and Loki shared a look, both of you arguably right for questioning the sincerity of both apologies. Neither of them had any hesitation subjecting either of you to their opinions when they didn't know that they were throwing verbal darts at your head.

Ultimately you decided not to double down on your own barbs. At least until Thor apologized some more for his mega oaf behavior. "And I sincerely apologize for attempting to introduce another woman to my brother in hopes that he'll be lured away from his current partner, truly I had no idea it was--"

"Hold the fucking phone there, Blondie, you what?!" You could feel your blood rushing to your head, all your irritation toward both imbecilic men bubbling all the way up to the surface after Thor's confession.

"It was moronic and--"

"You're damn straight it was moronic," you seethed, your hand itching to risk potentially permanent injuries just to take a swing at the god that pulled the buffoonery. "I get that you want the best for your brother and all that, trust me I want that, too. But you were all the way out of line for that one."

"Yes, I know," he mumbled, his head turned down in visible shame. "Loki if you wish to stab me for my idiocy you're than welcome to--"

"Fuck that, I'm gonna stab you," you seethed, the god next to you holding you a touch tighter and trying to rub small circles into your skin to calm you down some. "This was none of your business. Even back when you didn't know it was me, you were both out of line for the jabs you took at Loki's private life. And honestly if you're so remorseful about it, you owe Bucky an apology, too. Y'all were dogpiling on his girlfriend way before you started going in on me."

With every word that came out of you, it felt as if there was still something completely blocking you from the truth. A question that went unanswered even by you and the memories you held ever since college. Ever since Simon.

"I don't…I don't know why I'm like this," you said more softly this time, turning to Loki and trying to find the words that could convey at the very least what you showed him a few nights ago. "It's been like this since I was a student in that damn campus. I don't know why but every time I've been in a relationship since then, if things start moving…physically, I--"

"Shh darling…" He pulled you into an embrace again, placing a kiss to the top of your head. "You need not elaborate. You were wronged, none of this was your fault."

"Your god is right, my friend," Shuri spoke up, announcing her presence, a grim look on her face as she held her tablet. "I have combed excessively through the reports for the compounds you found in your college building, and I have…distressing news."

"Yeah…Nat and I were about to come find you, Shuri. What'd you find?"

"This will be…quite an uncomfortable question, Y/N, are you certain you wish to discuss this with all this company?"

"They'll find out anyways. Most of them are nosy like that." You threw a pointed look Stark's and Thor's way, both men immediately looking away in shame. "But I suppose we can spare some innocent souls. Morgan, sweetie, go find your mom, we have to discuss bad guy things now."

The little girl pouted but followed your request, making her way to the elevator to go and find Pepper.

"My friend, what can you tell us about your former relationship with Simon Richardson? Only what you remember and what you are comfortable with sharing. We can start there."

Loki led you to sit on the couch, keeping his arm around your shoulders and rubbing up and down your arms to ground you as you started to recall. "He was…kind and sweet. Until he wasn't. It started with him offering the faculty lounge for me to hang out in during my free periods, then…coffees…lunches. The days when I had a class during first period, he'd be there and we'd grab breakfast together. Then came the first dinner together and he kissed me, told me he was falling in love with me."

"Hold up there, jellybean, this Richardson…he was your professor, right?" You nodded at Stark's question. "Add that comment I made about saying hi to your old professors to my list of things I have to make up for then, I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You just shrugged. "As with most of the things you're gonna have to apologize to me for, Stark…you didn't know." You took a sip of your soda before continuing your story. "The next few months after that were…confusing to me. Every time we had a moment alone he was so sweet and doting, always staying close to me, kissing me, regular degular boyfriend things, you know? And then the second someone else would come in the room he…pulls away. Becomes distant and…almost clinically professional. Drops my hand, immediately puts three feet of distance between us. Tells me it's to protect our relationship. That if people found out, they'd take him away from me and I'd be punished somehow. Told me he was protecting me."

Loki placed a soft kiss to your temple, keeping his forehead pressed to the same area as he spoke. "My love, I'm so sorry. My actions toward you in our time together have brought your memories of your time with him up to the surface."

"You didn't know," you sighed, leaning in to his embrace. "I never told anyone and…nobody ever really bothered to stick around to find out what was actually going on with me the second they realized they weren't gonna 'score'." You took a few deep breaths, finally finding a bizarre sort of relief now that you were talking about the memories that plagued and taunted you for so long.

"And when did you two end things?"

You let out a sound between a scoff and a chortle at Shuri's question. "Generous of you think there was a concrete 'end' to things, sweetie." There was a faint whoosh somewhere to your right, the new silhouettes in your peripheral alerting you to Jane's  and Wanda's entrance. "Hey, Babes."

They both offered you some form of greetings before pulling up a seat, the Sokovian speaking up first. "Morgan mentioned something about you looking angry and hurt. Something about Thor doing something idiotic?" She addressed the blond god next. "I mean, a bit on brand for you, but really? Introducing Loki to someone that's going to start bad mouthing his partner? Shouldn't you know your brother well enough by now that that'll get you a stabbing? You know…after a thousand and a half years?"

"Wait hold on, you what?" the scientist spoke up, swatting her boyfriend upside his head. "You know that just got you kicked off the prospects on wedding officiant, right?"

"Well considering my brother is no longer King of Asgard, I surmise that the Valkyrie would be the one that performs that particular duty regardless," Loki shot back before turning back to face you, a soft smile gracing his features. "One day, I mean. When you're ready."

"You sure you want that, Mischief? Considering I might just be a lousy non-existent lay after all this?"

"About that…" Shuri spoke up again, prompting you to continue your story.

"Right, sorry. The ending…I suppose that started when he suggested we'd go away for a weekend. Somewhere farther away from campus where we could actually be a couple outside his apartment. We got a hotel room and…I'm sure you can all fill in those particular blanks." Everyone grimaced at the mere thought, looks of sympathy thrown your way from every direction. Loki pressed another kiss to your temple, his embrace pretty much the only thing holding you together. "We spent a few more nights like that over the next few weeks. Then the academic year ended, a new batch of students came in, and one day I got to campus and…someone new was at his arm. He stopped answering my calls, my texts weren't even left on Read. One day I asked him point blank what happened and all he said was I don't know what you mean, Miss Y/L/N. You're not my student anymore."

"Bastard," Wanda hissed. "He should be locked up. Maybe have Strange throw him in one of those mirror dimensions so all he'll see for the rest of his miserable life is his own ugly lowlife mug."

"And even worse, he's still doing this. We saw him in that reunion. Fucker even had the brass balls to exchange words with me like it was no big thing. He had one of his current students clinging to him like a barnacle. Chances are he's gonna do her what he did to me and that girl from so many years ago. And who knows who else. Anyways ever since then, something always felt kind of…fucked up with me. Every time things got too physical with someone it's like my body recoils. Even when I don't mean to it's like…it closes up shop without consulting my heart. Or my brain."

"I may have an explanation for your body's behavior, my friend." Shuri tapped away at her tablet, projecting the screen's contents into a larger holographic rendering in the center of the room, showing you all a photo of one of the compounds you'd come across in the lab. "This is PM-19, a substance that can mentally and emotionally enslave a subject to the closest source of pheromones and leave them more open to be controlled. Manipulated. When the connection between subject and administrator is severed, the effects…well, the reports all say that the effects are varied."

"Varied on what?" Nat spoke up, moving to sit on the other empty seat next to you and grabbing hold of your free hand.

"Potency of the compound in the subject's system," Loki answered through gritted teeth. "They experimented with dosage, form of administration, wear-off time…"

"O-Okay but what does this have to do with my shitty predatory ex?" you butted in, your voice shaky with the fear that you knew exactly where Shuri was going with this.

She flashed a set of log reports next on the screen. "I isolated the reports that took place while you were in your relationship with Richardson," she explained, waving a hand at the screen. "Going on to the reports that reference all test subjects from this period moving forward. I will let you all read at your own pace."

Nat handed you a large glass of water, telling you to down it before going into the reports. Thankfully you heeded her advice, or else your body might have forgotten how to function reading through the various statements.

April 15, 2013 -- Potential test subjects found. Administrators have been granted permission to pursue and administer PM-19 at their own discretion.

April 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: aerated by means of cologne. Precautions were taken to ensure that Test Subject 13-31-A and Administrator BG were at a safe distance from bystanders that could have been exposed to aerated PM-19

April 22, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A exhibited signs of withdrawal from engagement. Subject has been administered aerated PM-19 again. If pattern continues, dosage for aerated PM-19 should be every 24-36 hours to sustain potency in Subject's system.

April 30, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-B initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion by means of beverage. Administrator MP notes instant shift in 13-31-B's receptiveness and an increased eagerness to comply with Administrator MP's suggestions regarding trivial lifestyle choices.

May 2, 2013 -- Administrator SR has attempted administering PM-19 to potential Test Subject 13-31-C via aerated form through body spray, but 13-31-C has shown no tangible effects. Will administer stronger dosage via ingestion if effects are still negligible.

May 5, 2013 -- Administrator SR has successfully initiated Test Subject 13-31-C into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion through beverage and food. Shift in receptiveness is incremental. Will observe effects through continued dosage.

May 7, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A actively seeks out Administrator BG and displays an obeisance toward him. She seems to rely on his approval of her decisions. Administrator MP has considerable control over Test Subject 13-31-B's food and clothing choices by means of simple suggestions and the slightest form of positive feedback. Administrator MP to proceed with furthering connection with 13-31-B.

May 9, 2013 -- Administrator SR has been continually administering PM-19 to Test Subject 13-31-C via ingestion. She has begun to gravitate toward him during free periods. Administrator SR to proceed with furthering connection with 13-31-C.

May 13, 2013 -- Administrators BG, MP, and SR have been granted permission to administer more potent dosage by means of injection. Will use the campus' free vaccination as the means of delivery.

May 15, 2013 -- Test Subjects from batch 13-31 have been administered PM-19 directly into bloodstream and collectively show visible ardency toward their respective Administrators.

May 20, 2013 -- Test Subjects 13-31-A and 13-31-B showing more agitation when respective Administrators BG and MP are not by their side. Test Subject 13-31-C appears visibly calmer but shows significant internal disquiet when away from Administrator SR.

May 21, 2013 -- Administrator SR has officially begun to engage romantically with Test Subject 13-31-C to observe if she will exhibit the same signs of agitation that Subjects 13-31-A and 13-31-B possess when away from their respective Administrators.

May 25, 2013 -- Administrator BG has severed the connection with Test Subject 13-31-A after significant increase in agitation after having PM-19 introduced to her bloodstream. 13-31-A created a spectacle in Science Building cafeteria and was escorted by Administrator BG to campus clinic. Subject displayed alarmingly elevated blood pressure and was immediately admitted to nearest hospital to be put under HYDRA monitoring until subject recovers.

May 26, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A has been terminated after waking in hospital and repeatedly threatening to pursue all avenues of action against Administrator BG and put PM project at risk of being brought to public awareness. Action sanctioned by all active Administrators. Administrator BG now evaluating new potential test subjects.

May 27, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-D initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion through food and beverage. Administrator BG has been instructed to keep careful watch of 13-31-D and tasked to increase dosage every 3 days and observe waning time. Administering via injection no longer viable due to window closing to guise under free vaccination.

May 30, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-B shows little regard for caution and attempted flagrant display of affection when crossing paths with Administrator MP whilst surrounded by both colleagues and other students. 13-31-B has been thoroughly admonished for her actions.

June 1, 2013 -- Administrator MP began distancing from Test Subject 13-31-B. Subject is now displaying visible signs of distress and is aggressively seeking him out even outside of campus grounds. Increasing frequency in initiating correspondence. Administrator MP expresses concern that 13-31-B's behavior will require intervention if no improvement shows in next 30 days.

June 1, 2013 -- Administrator SR notes increased obeisance in Test Subject 13-31-C since compound PM-19 was introduced to her bloodstream. Administrator SR has been granted permission to proceed with next stage of relationship: Consummation

June 3, 2013 -- Administrator MP has placed a request for the termination of Test Subject 13--31-B after a spectacle in the campus parking lot where subject was shouting at MP for not answering texts and calls. Administrator MP will remain inactive for batch 13-31 and will resume his duties when evaluating for Test Subjects for batch 13-32.

June 6, 2013 -- Administrator BG notes that Test Subject 13-31-D is more aggressive and attempts to initiate contact with BG. Administrator has placed a request to speed up timeline to romantic engagement to observe if 13-31-D will become more submissive and deferential.

June 7, 2013 -- Administrator SR has begun final stage of PM program for Test Subject 13-31-C. No other task will be assigned to him other than observation of 13-31-C's behavior once connection is fully severed. He will resume his duties along with Administrator MP when evaluating for Test Subjects for Batch 13-32.

June 8, 2013 -- Test Subjects 13-31-B and 13-31-D have been simultaneously terminated after 13-31-D disclosed details of relationship with Administrator BG and both subjects agreed to report this behavior to campus faculty board. Only remaining active Test Subject is 13-31-C.

June 13, 2013 -- Frequency in Test Subject 13-31-C's initiation of correspondence after Administrator SR has begun final stage.

June 15, 2013 -- Administrator SR has fully severed the connection for Test Subject 13-31-C

June 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-C has been notably absent in classes. Administrator SR has placed a request to send a HYDRA representative to check on 13-31-C's status.

August 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-C shows signs of detachment from her peers and current relationship. Potential side effect of PM-19 after severance of connection between subject and administrator seems to be physical recoiling upon implication of intimacy. Subject's body seems to perceive this either as a threat or as a breach of her loyalty to Administrator SR.

April 15, 2014 -- Test Subject 14-34-E initiated into PM program. As mentioned in preliminary notes for batch 14-34, test conditions from Test Subject 13-31-C's case will be replicated in hopes of replicating the only surviving case of batch 13-31.

April 22, 2014 -- Unexpected and unaccounted for circumstance occurred. Test Subject 14-34-E shares a class with Test Subject 13-31-C and has asked questions on how to gain better favor with Administrator SR. It seems that test subjects that were connected to the same Administrator are also drawn towards each other.

April 24, 2014 -- Administrator SR initiated contact with Test Subject 13-31-C to extract information about what she may have told Test Subject 14-34-E. 13-31-C remains adamant that no details of their prior involvement were divulged and answers remained strictly academic. Administrator SR's feedback for her elicited positive reaction. It seems even after prolonged period since severing their connection, submissiveness and deference to Administrator SR remains. Hypothesis: If connection is severed at peak potency of PM-19, Test Subject's actions post-severance are subconsciously geared to seek the approval of their Administrator.

April 25, 2014 -- Administrator SR has been instructed to hasten timetable for Test Subject 14-34-E after subject witnessed SR's interaction with Test Subject 13-31-C and created a spectacle demanding to know what his history with 13-31-C was. Noting that subjects may be prone to increased irrational tendencies and paranoia while connection with Administrator is active.

May 1, 2014 -- Administrator SR has placed a request to terminate Test Subject 14-34-E after threats of her escalating him to the faculty board for their involvement. SR notes that 14-34-E has mentioned the existence of video and audio recordings containing indisputable evidence of their interactions. Directors of PM program have considered close monitoring of Test Subject 13-31-C to determine what differs in her case compared to the rest of the test subjects from Batch 13-31 as well as the replication attempt with 14-34-E.

May 2, 2014 -- Test Subject 14-34-E successfully terminated. Her belongings have been incinerated. All potential evidence of involvement with Administrator SR destroyed. Test Subject 13-31-C once again the only surviving test subject under this specific set of test circumstances. Replication of scenario will not be attempted again until further studies have been conducted on 13-31-C. Actions to be taken to closely monitor and intercept hospital records, therapy session notes and/or recordings, and all other documentation that will provide better understanding of 13-31-C's physiological and mental make up.

March 10, 2016 -- Administrator SR has expressed concerns regarding Test Subject 13-31-C becoming a SHIELD Agent. He has been reassured that there is no cause for concern as long as she stays a low to medium ranking Agent and does not become involved in high level operations.

September 16, 2019 -- Test Subject 13-31-C has been put on High Alert List. Her status as an Avenger warrants the action of capture on sight.

August 10, 2020 -- Multiple mentions of jilted former entanglements of Test Subject 13-31-C have surfaced online, detailing a 'frigidness' that the team is confident in surmising is due to the amount of PM-19 in 13-31-C's system when connection between her and Administrator SR was severed in 2013. It would seem that Test Subject 13-31-C's physiological reactions are tethered to Administrator SR's pheromones and can only successfully sever the connection on her end when the source of the pheromones ceases to exist. Or when she does.

November 16, 2023 -- Administrator SR expresses grave concern given Test Subject 13-31-C's current status of being romantically involved with highly dangerous individual Loki, Asgardian God of Mischief.

Your vision began to blur from the tears flooding your eyes as you read the reports over and over again, your mind stubbornly denying what you were seeing on the screen. Test Subject 13-31-C. You'd seen numerous log reports about her when you first perused the files a few days back but it never occurred to you that you knew her much better than you could have ever expected.

She was the girl in the mirror. The one with the haunted gaze and the smile that struggled to reach her eyes no matter how hard anyone tried.

You'd been so haunted by your worries that history would repeat itself and what Simon did to you, discarding you as soon as someone even incrementally younger came along and not giving you a second thought, would happen again the second you gave yourself fully to Loki. And now it turned out that your refusal to let the dark thoughts that plagued you when Simon left you all those years ago take over your life…turned out you haunted him right back.

"There is one more thing," Shuri spoke up, flashing a message on screen that came from Simon himself. "Our duplication of their machine seems able to receive their correspondences in real time. Simon Richardson has begun to explore requesting for termination of Test Subject 13-31-C. He wishes to see you dead, Y/N."

"Over my putrid rotting corpse," Loki seethed, tightening his hold on you. "He won't be able to touch you, my love. I swear it."

"Could you…" you tried to speak through the sobs you were trying to hold back. "Would you be able to send a message back? Make it seem like it's coming from his bosses?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Child's play, my friend. What do you wish to send?"

"I want you to arrange a meeting." You adjusted your hold on Loki's hand, lacing your fingers through his. "And I want you to come with me."

The god raised your joint hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "Of course, my love. I would have come with you regardless." He pressed his forehead against your temple again. "I'll never leave your side."

"Okay am I in a position to say that seeing Reindeer Games being affectionate is giving me fucking whiplash?"

"No," everyone collectively said in unison.

"Personally I think it's adorable," Jane quipped. "And I know your brother has a real crappy way of showing it, but we really are happy for you."

"'Tis true, I am happy for you and Lady Y/N, Brother--"

"No no, Macho Barbie, you don't get to talk, either," Nat spoke up, throwing a balled up piece of paper at his head. "If Tony deserves the time out on the steps, you deserve the goddamn dunce cap for your antics."

If there was ever a moment that could solidify beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were practically tailor-made by the Norns for Loki, it was this precise moment here. Watching in the shadowy corner of a room as the culmination of your flair for the theatrics almost eerily mirrored his.

You were sat at a desk situated in the middle of a dark seemingly empty warehouse, with only a single hanging lamp serving as a light source. Positioned in a way that your face was still mostly shrouded in the darkness until you wished to make your identity known.

And in your respective positions, you two waited in silence for Simon Richardson to arrive. The unsuspecting pathetic bastard thinking he would be meeting with the higher ups at HYDRA to rectify the situation that he'd been raising with them regarding the safety of their project now that your status on their watchlist has been raised to the highest alert level due to your relationship with the god.

Loki's enhanced hearing allowed for him to hear the shaky breathing and the faltering steps before the wretch pounded his fist at the entrance. "Showtime," you sighed under your breath, taking a moment before calling out in an accent that vaguely resembled the Valkyrie's, "Enter!"

The professor looked around the warehouse, visibly irritated upon seeing that almost the entire place was pitch black, and made his way slowly toward your desk. When he got close enough, another light switched on, illuminating a rather uncomfortable looking stainless steel chair.

"Sit." He did as you told, nervously running his hands up and down his thighs. A quick whiff in the air told the god that the weak mortal was already sweating bullets and barely any words have even been exchanged yet.

Good, he inwardly seethed. You don't deserve to know peace after the lingering damage that you'd dealt to the woman I love.

"Speak," you commanded, the faintest creak of the leather from your hand gripping the armrest being the only indicator that betrayed your facade of "cool and level-headed".

"Have the council agreed to a course of action regarding Agent Y/L/N? You told me before that you allowed for her to continue on with her life due to being the only survivor of batch 13-31. That her situation fascinated you. But now I fear that she is too dangerous to let live given her current romantic associations with the Asgardian that tried to raze New York."

"You never stated on the request your reasoning," you told him through gritted teeth. "How come you are so intent on the expedience of Subject 13-31-C's termination?"

The fidgeting man let out a nervous chuckle. "All due respect, ma'am but are you new? Maybe you didn't hear me? Her boyfriend tried to lay waste on New York! I don't wanna give her the time to open up to him and realize that the reason she can't get with him in the sack is because of PM-19! Who knows what he'll do to me?"

"Well we can start on breaking every joint in your body as an appetizer," you answered back, dropping your accent and leaning forward to let the light illuminate your face. "And from my understanding, the only way to sever the connection from my end is for the source of the pheromones to cease existing. All I have to do is kill you."

Richardson visibly relaxed in his seat, letting out a haughty chuckle as he tsk'd at you. "Silly girl, you didn't actually think it's that simple, did you?" He stood up, making his way to your desk and slamming his hands down on the tabletop, making you flinch at the sound. "Should've known you really were more beauty than brains. Then again it looks like even that is fading away. You really should use some of that Stark budget to take care of those lines on your face because aging does not become you, sweet thing."

"Whatever remnants of PM-19 I have left in my system physically inhibit me from killing you myself, is that it?"

"Maybe there's still some brain left in you after all," he mused in a condescending tone. He grasped the bottom half of your face harshly, your face twisting in horror as you tried to twist his hand off you, finding that you couldn't. "You can't harm me, sweet Y/N, let alone kill me. You literally don't have it in you." Your form began to visibly tremble in his hold, disgust now coloring your expression as he gave you a once over. "It's just you and me here. Maybe we could take a walk down memory lane. For old time's sake."

"Go to hell," you spat at him, jerking your head away from his hand with a sickening crack that Loki took note of to heal once everything was taken care of here. "And I'm not alone, you sick fuck." Richardson turned around, terror finally entering his eyes once he caught sight of the god's silhouette.

"You can't kill me," he tried to threaten. "You kill me and they'll come after you. All of you."

"HYDRA coming after us?" you quipped, giving Loki a tiny nod as he stepped menacingly closer. "Sounds like a regular Tuesday, doesn't it, sweetie?"

"To quote my brother, at least make it a challenge for me." He couldn't help but let his mouth stretch into a wicked grin as he watched the pathetic man start to shake where he stood.

"You kill me and that won't stop the project," he blurted out, most likely in a final desperate attempt at some form of a bargain. Or a threat. "Aren't you hero types all about the greater good and all that shit?"

"Normally we are," Loki answered, a dagger materializing in his hand in a flash of green. He grabbed the back of Richardson's head, poising the blade at his throat. "But I'm not a hero. Not today. Not for you." He pressed the blade harder against his throat, looking to you for his cue to follow through. You gave him all the answer he needed with a little nod of your head, wincing from the minor injury you'd given yourself just moments earlier. "As far as you're concerned, I'm the god you made an enemy of the moment you laid your grimy hands on the woman I love."

He could have made it quick, almost relatively painless, but after the prolonged impact that his vile actions had on you, it would have been a mercy if he were allowed to shuffle off this mortal coil with little suffering. And Simon Richardson was undeserving of mercy. He ensured that he felt every agonizing second that the blade dragged across his neck, and that he stayed lucid until the last possible moment that the light faded from his eyes.

When the late professor's body went limp and fell to the ground, you doubled over in what seemed like shock, bracing yourself by slamming your hands down on the tabletop, your arms shaking with the effort of holding yourself up. The god was by your side in a heartbeat, wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you upright.

"What is it, my darling? Are you alright? What are you feeling?"

"I feel--" you tried to say between shallow breaths. "It's like…I just won tug of war."

"Is that…is that good, sweetheart?" He found it rather difficult to tell with the panic setting into him from your shortness of breath. He rubbed circles on your back, trying to guide you to take deeper breaths and standing upright on your own.

"It's like I got all the air knocked out of me from being flung to the ground because the other side finally let go, and I'll probably have a few battle scars, but at the end of it all…Yeah. It's good. So good." You suddenly stood up straight, turning to face him and throwing your arms around his neck. "It feels like I can finally breathe."

You pulled away, pushing back locks of his hair and looking over the blood that spattered across his features. There was such an innocent, almost disoriented look in your eyes. Something that eerily reminded him of how he felt when he was finally free of the mind control the mad titan Thanos had him under. As if he was trying to find his footing again. Learning how to live in his skin and mind without the presence of another lurking in the darkest corners.

Freedom, he realized. You were free.

"Come on," you told him, smiling as you reached for his hand, your whole hand engulfed so easily by just his palm. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"You need not trouble yourself, little mortal. I can simply wave it all away--"

"I want to," you insisted, starting to tug on his hand. He relented rather quickly, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his mouth from your suddenly playful nature. Was this what you were like before you were shackled by that repugnant drug?

And just when he thought he couldn't possibly fall even deeper in love with you.

You led him to the car where Hogan was waiting for you both. Loki gave him a singular nod and he spoke into an earpiece calling for someone to dispose of Richardson's body. When you were both settled in to the back seat, you tore a strip off the shirt you were wearing, dousing it with water to start wiping away at the blood on his face.

"We have rags here for exactly that purpose, Y/L/N," Hogan quipped. "You didn't have to go all book boyfriend."

"Okay first, what have you been reading that you know that reference because I want recs. And second, I have no idea how Tony organizes stock in this car, and I didn't wanna wait. You're more than welcome to put the divider up if it makes you uncomfortable, Happy."

The bodyguard put his hands up, as if conceding in the exchange. "Fair enough, fair enough. I'll send you a list of those books when we get back. Right now I'm just gonna put up the divider, let you two get some rest. I'll let you know when we're at the Compound."

"Thanks, Happy. Maybe send it through FRIDAY. Just to my tablet. Morgan likes playing with my phone and I don't want my goddaughter near those books until well after drinking age."

You'd finished wiping away the blood from Loki's face moments after the divider fully went up, giving the god a playful satisfied little smile before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"There you go, all done." You settled easily into his embrace as he wrapped his arm around you, his hand finding yours and lacing your fingers together. "I know that…now that he's dead, the PM-19 doesn't have a hold on me anymore but…mentally…" Your brows knitted together, your frustration visible as you struggled to find the words.

"It still feels as if there's a lingering presence in your mind," he offered, his heart aching for you when he heard your sniffle as you nodded against his shoulder. "I'm all too familiar with that feeling, my love. I wish I could tell you it goes away completely with time but…I cannot be too sure. Some days will be better than others, as if the presence has been kicked into the farthest darkest corners of your memories but…they remain."

"Right now it feels like it's in a car just behind us so…doesn't feel too far." You tilted your head to look up at him, relief flooding him when he saw in your eyes that you no longer seemed as distant. As if whatever journey you would embark on towards healing the wounds that Richardson left you, you knew and you welcomed the notion of not going through it alone. "I hate to say it, Mischief but…killing him didn't kill the fears he left behind."

You did not need to say more; he could surmise which fear you meant. The one he saw when you allowed him into your memories. The fear of being replaced as soon as you laid with him. The fear of leaving him dissatisfied and forcing his hand to look to another to fulfill what you couldn't.

Perhaps even a fear of being touched altogether.

"I want you to know that I am here for you, little mortal." He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, and another to your jaw, using his seiðr to heal the slight fracture from your altercation with that wretch of a professor. "Always." Another kiss, featherlight, to your lips. "You need never worry of pressure coming from me, I swear it."

"Maybe a little pressure wouldn't be too bad," you mumbled against his lips, kissing him back a with a touch more passion than he'd ever seen coming from you. "Maybe just…baby steps?" Your next action stole every bit of breath from his lungs, keeping his gaze while you moved his hand, placing it on the bared skin of your stomach. There was only the slightest tremor in your breath as he tentatively caressed your skin, but you no longer flinched away.

"Baby steps," he breathed out, pulling you closer to his side. You nestled your head into the crook of his neck and he felt you steadily succumb to your exhaustion, relaxing against him.

Loki finally allowed himself a moment of rest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before closing his eyes and leaning back against the headrest. It would be a long and arduous journey as you healed from the prolonged damages that your time with Richardson wreaked upon you, but he would be with you throughout every step. Through every nightmare, every frustration, and ultimately every victory.

And then perhaps one day you both would wake and the step to be taken would be toward an altar.

But for now the god was more than content exactly where he was, holding you close with his hand on your skin, following at whichever pace you would be comfortable taking.

A/N: Another request from the pile done! 🎉🎉 Next up is gonna be a fluffy lil thing that I'm gonna turn into an outtake for one of the first stories I wrote, 'a heart like yours' 🥹

But before we get to that, we've got a good bit of RTC and OLTK and 'the final Lady Sharpe' coming…and whatever else my silly lil writer brain decides to start on 😳👀

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @cabingrlandrandomcrap

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

[twig-tea]

Cooking Crush ep 10: This Show Has My Whole Heart

I wrote about some of the things Cooking Crush is doing so well in my response to a recent ask, and so I'm particularly glad that episode 10 came through with a strong flourish to get us set up the last two episodes.

I wanted to call out a few specific things this episode did that are contributing to why it's working so well for me.

First, I want to mention that the reciprocity continues! Previously, we had Prem comforting Ten during a panic attack post adrenaline crash. In this episode, Ten comforts and supports Prem during his worries about Samsee and the competition.

Picking up on something else I've talked about before, this show is committed to its character's arcs. Fire is struggling with his sexuality and his desire to keep their relationship secret last episode led to the conflict between Samsee and Dynamite this episode. Fire showing up to support Dy in public, giving him affection, and using the petname Dy insisted on having is all evidence of Fy's increasing comfort with it. He's already said before he intends to tell his mother, and Dy has been clear he's not rushing him. The way Dy is so careful with Fire but also so receptive to and appreciative of what Fire is able to give warms my heart (pun intended). And Samsee and Prem seeing it and reacting supportively too, because they know what this means to their friend!

[The gifsearch is not cooperating but please enjoy this gifest by @gunsatthaphan.]

I also want to talk about how this conflict with Samsee hits Dynamite hard, and in the context of knowing he's lost relationships with his parents because of his sexuality, to think his relationship with Fire could have lost him a close friend must be bringing back up his feelings about being cut out of the lives of people he loves. However, it speaks to the strength of his bond with Samsee that even though Samsee is furious and not speaking with him, he does not kick Dy out of his apartment. Dy mentions that he didn't see Samsee the night before the competition because Samsee didn't come home (we find out later why, but I loved this subtle nod to the fact that unlike Dy's own parents, Samsee didn't abandon Dy when he made choices that hurt him. I AM IN MY QUEER FOUND FAMILY FEELINGS, FRIENDS).

Along these lines, Ten going to confess to Prem, noticing that these friends are having a moment, and quietly stepping away to give them space is such a good character moment for him, since previously he's been begging to be let in to their shared space even when Prem mentions he's concerned about its impact on his friends and their relationship. Ten's realizing he can't be everything for Prem, and it's better for both of them if he isn't.

That scene of reconciliation, the three friends re-establishing how important they are to one another, that got to me. And that the show prioritized it over the romance! I cannot tell you how much I love that this was an explicit decision the show made, to say 'no, this is not the time for a confession, this friendship reconciliation is more important right now'. And I love that the show gives us a solid, character-grounded reason for why Samsee reacted so strongly to being left out in the first place. We've been told Samsee has changed school majors 3 times, and it's been played as a joke as well as an explanation for why he's an older student. I love that we've now had the consequences of those changes on Samsee's friendships added to his story. Even a "joke" backstory has ramifications for the characters in this show, I am obsessed.

I also want to mention that I am loving what the show is doing with Samsee and Metha, two characters who are the "fuck-ups" of their friend groups, but who are also the most loyal and most supportive of them all. They conflict with one another around what that support looks like, even while they enable one another to continue to be the best friends to their respective besties.

Prem has struggled this entire show to use his words, and in particular he's visibly wrestled with how he can gracefully reject Chef Changma without putting his own career at risk. In this episode he manages to say 'I don't think that [a hug] would be a good idea', and he's ignored. Ten immediately steps in, but I wanted to highlight how big a deal it is for Prem to have said no to this Chef--who he's idolized, who is his mentor, and who is a judge of the competition he's in--in this moment.

When we do get to the confession, Prem continues to lead with action, and Ten continues to push him to use his words. I love so much that Ten never lets him get away with copping out of saying the words, since it's something we know Prem struggles so much with. This speaks to @lurkingshan's earlier post about how Cooking Crush shows us its leads are better thanks to their relationship (in the same way that Fire self-actualizing and being more free to be himself and express affection also speaks to this point).

Beyond character arcs, there's one other thing I am very excited for heading into episode 11 next week, and that's the conflicts in this show converging so brilliantly. So far, the show has set up a few conflicts: Ten's relationship with his father, the cooking competition, the bullies, Fire's relationship with his mother, and Chef Changma's interest in Prem. All of these have now been queued up to expertly converge as a single conflict in ep 11, based on the preview. With Changma's advance and subsequent punch being recorded and distributed (I'm placing bets that this was recorded by one of the bullies, btw), Ten's father once again steps in the way of this relationship that he sees as a detriment to his son. Prem also previously stated that he wanted to enter the competition in order to prove to Ten's dad that he has potential, so these threads were already starting to come together weeks ago. Even if I'm wrong about the bullies having been the ones to record that video, they're sitll in the competition as competitors. And of course Fire has promised Dy he'd come out after the competition, tying the last thread of these conflicts all together around this single event.

And this is what I mean when I say the writing on this show is so good. Because the characters are coherent and consistent and have clear arcs, and the conflicts are grounded in the characters, even though there are several threads, they come together easily and in a way that makes perfect sense and that work with the character arcs rather than against them.

The last thing I'll mention, because it's something I actually brought up as a negative to this show previously, is the use of non-linear storytelling. Cooking Crush has used non-linear storytelling several times, showing us a scene and then flashing back to what happened before that scene in order to fill in the gaps. This can be an effective storytelling tool, but it has to accomplish something in the narrative. The difference between unnecessary and excellently-deployed non-linear storytelling is whether or not there's a good answer to this question: What is the purpose of delaying this information to the audience, and how does that delay affect the audience understanding of what they're seeing? In previous instances, for example the kiss and then flashback to the full date, knowing that Ten and Prem kissed at the end of their date didn't add anything to the viewing experience of watching their date, and having seen their date didn't change my experience of the kiss. This is why I consider it an ineffective use of that technique.

In episode 10, however, we get the cold open that shows Ten joining Prem and Samsee in the competition, and then we flash back. Knowing Ten will be joining Prem and Dynamite in the competition helps to colour what we see about Prem and Dy trying to get Samsee to reconcile with them, as well as Samsee's absence. When we get to Ten stepping in, we have learned it was as much a surprise (and disappointment) to Prem and Dy as it was to us. Ten stepping in doesn't actually work, but it does give Prem the courage to ask if they can compete as a duo, rather than just letting themselves be disqualified without a fight. And we later find out that Samsee was so touched by the letter that he went to his hometown to dig for prawns and that's why he was late for the competition. [I also wanted to mention this because based on @respectthepetty's roundup post it sounds like the cold open was cut for the youtube version]

I lied, I have one more actual last thing, this one is obvious but I can't not say it: THANK YOU to this show for consistently queueing up the typical miscommunication fumbles that get so annoying in every BL (in most romance plots of any sexuality) and then saying NOT TODAY SATAN and having the characters choose vulnerability and honesty and bravery, and talking it out. Every time the show does this (and it's at least 2x per episode, no exaggeration) I feel a little more faith in romance writing restored.

ANWAY, TL;DR Cooking Crush continues making me so happy every week!

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

moon song - m. murdock

a/n: oh boy. uh. thanks for all the love on my last fic, so i decided to give you an incredibly angsty fic. this one is for all my male readers but honestly i want everyone to read it so. as always, reblogs, feedback and comments are always appreciated! warnings: internalized homophobia, cursing, infidelity, angst, hurt/no comfort, casual homophobia (teasing not anything insane) catholic guilt and symbolism, bisexual karen page, i'm not an elektra anti, making out, alcohol to cope, reader has a lot of coming out moments word count: 3.4k summary: you hate that elektra and matt are getting married. will you convince him not to go through with it? can you? pairing: matt murdock x male!reader now playing: moon song - phoebe bridgers "and if i could give you the moon/i would give you the moon/you are sick/ and you're married/and you might be dying/but you're holding me like water in your hands"

You’re in Josie’s when they realize. It’s like any other night, Foggy to your left, Karen to your right, as you watch Matt and Elektra play pool together. You take another swig of your whiskey, and tap your fingers on the glass, desperately attempting to try and listen to what Karen and Foggy were laughing about.

Two more weeks. That’s all you have to do.

In two weeks, Matt and Elektra will be married, and that’ll be that. They’ll live forever in their New York penthouse, fighting criminals and having beautiful children. That is their fate, and you’ll give your best man speech at their wedding.

All will be well, and you can bury your feelings deep down under alcohol and other women. No one will ever know what you really think of the happy couple.

You’re happy when Matt beats her at pool and they head back over to your table, where they absolutely hang over each other.

“We’re gonna head out.” Elektra says, a slightly drunken smile on her face. Matt hums and presses a kiss to her cheek.

“Meeting with the florist tomorrow.” Matt tells you all.

“I’m going to grab another drink,” You announce, and look at them. “One for the road?” Matt smiles at you, and for a moment, you think he must know.

“I’ll come grab one with you.” He turns to Elektra to ask if she wants one, but she shakes her head.

“I have to finish this one.”

So, you and Matt head over to the bar, his hand on your arm. You wonder if he knows.

“You seem distracted,” he tells you, and you figure you’re caught.

“Just working on my best man speech. It’s all up here.” You tap your forehead. You order two shots for the pair of you and take them quickly with your best friend. “Getting excited?”

“Yeah, it’s just kind of crazy. I’m nervous, is all.. And she seems to be totally fine with the whole thing.”

You bite back a bitter comment about both of their commitment issues.

“I think she’s just as nervous as you are.”

“I can hear heartbeats. Trust me, she’s not.”

“But you’re in love with her, right?”

If you weren’t so drunk, maybe you would catch his moment of hesitation.

“Yeah.”

“Then what more do you need?”

“You’d marry someone just because you’re in love with her? That’s all you need?”

Not just someone. You know who you’d marry.

“That’s all I need, Matty. You think too much. Have another shot.” He laughs at this and pats your shoulder.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

“Says you, I’m a bachelor, still.”

“So am I—For the next two weeks.”

“And yet,” a voice says behind you, “You’re still accounted for.” Elektra says, approaching the pair of you at the bar.

You both turn to her. You’re drunk enough so you don’t tense.

She hands Matt his jacket, and they link arms. Jealousy fills your mouth, and it tastes like venom.

“Elektra.” You smile and nod to her.

She says your name before adding, “Have a goodnight.”

“Goodnight.. Get home safe, Matt.” You say, smiling at them as they leave.

You turn back to the bar, where your smile falters. You take a seat, resting your head in your hands. You’re not drunk. That’s not what this is. When you look up, Josie is there and hands you another whiskey on ice and sends you this knowing wink.

Your face burns, and you nurse your drink. What did she know about your life? You only spent every Friday and sometimes Saturdays here. You sit there in your pity for a while, thinking about it all. You’ll plan a vacation for when they get home from their honeymoon. You’ll fuck someone you’ll never see again and by the time you get back home, you’ll be over it.

You’ll be the godfather to their first child; Matt will be the best man at your own wedding. You’ll live the rest of your life with this deep dark secret that no one, not even your best friend, will ever know.

Except, you forget that Karen and Foggy are in the bar too. They slide into the seats next to you and just look at you for a while.

“I might be tipsy, and I might not have super senses, but I can tell you’re looking at me. What is it?” You finally pick your head up and look at them.

“I figured it out.” Karen says.

You’re too drunk for this.

“Figured what out, Miss Page?” You ask.

“Me too,” Foggy adds. “And to think, you almost had us.”

“What?”

“The bachelor life. The one-night stands. The constant rotating door of girlfriends because you can’t have the one you actually want.” She continues.

You feel sick. How did they know?

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You say, as neutrally as possible but it comes out defensive.

Then Foggy says it.

“You’re in love with Elektra.”

And you stop. They think they have you. Then, you start laughing. Like a crazy person, like it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard. God, it’s so dumb. You’re just that good at hiding it.

“Nice try, guys.”

“We saw the way you were looking at her while they were playing pool! That’s why you’ve been acting so weird since they got engaged.” Foggy reasons. You know what it looks like.

You took another sip.

“That’s because I’m not in love with her,” Elektra is intelligent, beautiful, and funny. Anyone would be lucky to have her, you’re sure. But you hate that she’s happy for another reason. “It’s because I’m in love with Matt.”

• • •

You’re nineteen years old. You work at a pizza place between semesters, with Matt often coming to visit you. You’re best friends, and he likes to come in, grab a slice and a diet coke, have you take your break with him, and then leave.

One day, he’s late to do this routine and an older coworker says to you, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

Your face burns.

“He’s not my boyfriend, asshole! I’m not gay, I wouldn’t ever dream of it!” You had said, a story you’ve told others and yourself so many times that it doesn’t feel like a lie anymore.

Matt walks in a few minutes later.

The truth is, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve had feelings for Matt for a long time. Ever since you met him at church one Sunday, you’ve felt this need to be closer to him, to be with him all the time.

You knew what it was then, just like you know now. And just like now, you hated yourself for it.

But it got worse over the years, in a way that you just couldn’t push down like you had done for so many other people.

You became a nurse and when Matt became Daredevil, he used this fact to his advantage. And for a long time before this, you were able to keep how you felt about him at bay. You were able to just be his best friend, and nothing more.

But he crawled into your window one night, drunk on pain and whimpered as he asked you to stitch him up. By the time you were done, he laid there half naked on your couch, and your hands were covered in his blood.

You felt guilty for wanting him while he lay there, wounded. But in another way, you felt baptized, relieved that you were allowing yourself to accept a truth that you had denied for so many years.

And it got worse from there.

After admitting to yourself that you had feelings for him, it became prevalent that there was no going back.

You stopped by the office for lunch this one time and you walked into his office to see him lounging casually at his desk, tie half undone, sleeves rolled up, and hair slightly disheveled. You scolded yourself for being so into him.

And then he got back together with Elektra.

For a while, you figured this was a good thing. A great thing, even. Matt would date Elektra and you could move on, maybe admit to yourself that you liked guys and start dating more of them.

And it worked, for a little bit. It was easier to not love him when he was around Elektra because of how obviously happy he was with her.

Then they got engaged.

You were so angry at yourself for letting it happen, so angry at yourself for not saying anything, angry at him for not noticing, angry at him for not wanting you.

So, you started to date other girls.

And this is how you lived for so long, dating women you didn’t like in favor of burying the immense love you felt for your best friend. Until last week, when you broke up with your girlfriend because you just couldn’t take it anymore.

There would be no telling Matt, sure, but there would be no telling anyone how in love with him you were, there would just be you, coming out and dating men that eased the longing for him.

Until that night at the bar, when Foggy and Karen catch you in this vulnerable state.

They walk you home from the bar that night, as you slip into a drunker and drunker mind. You won’t remember anything after that confession in the morning.

Karen hands you your pajamas and a glass of water. She helps you into bed and holds you as you cry.

“Will he ever know how much I love him?” You ask, drunk and in a different pain Matt was in that night you stitched him up.

Karen shushes you gently and tells you she’ll call you in the morning.

You don’t remember saying that in the morning. All you know is that you’ve made an immeasurably stupid mistake by telling them.

• • •

On Monday, you have off because you worked a 12-hour shift the night before.

Foggy sends you a text asking you to bring them dinner while they work on some cases.

You oblige, ready to push down your feelings until the next time you’re drunk.

But when you get there, you don’t see Matt. You assume he’s in another room, grabbing coffee. You hold up their dinner.

“Hey guys, I brought Chinese.” You tell them, sitting at the table after handing them the bag. You lean back in your seat, keeping your cool.

“Why didn’t you tell us you’re in love with Matt?”

You snap back up.

“I’m sorry, can you be a little more discrete, considering the man has super hearing?!”

Karen rolls her eyes.

“He’s not here. He left a little while ago to go pick up his tux.”

Your jaw clenches, jealousy sewing the hinges shut.

“I didn’t even realize you were into guys.”  Foggy says.

“That was intentional. I never really.. developed feelings for any other guys. Matt is just..” You look down at the chopsticks you’ve been twirling in your fingers. “I just see him and there’s nothing I want more than to just have him, nothing more than to just beg him to want me.”

Karen and Foggy both know the feeling.

Because it’s no secret that Matt is this alluring force of nature especially when it comes to his charisma and determination. Everyone either wants him or wants to be him, and its why Elektra is so perfect for him. They’re similar people.

And who are you? Some nurse who can’t even admit when he’s got it bad for his friend.

“You should tell him before the wedding.”

You scoff at the idea.

“And ruin our friendship? Ruin his wedding day? I’d rather see him happy and oblivious than lose him completely.”

But Karen and Foggy know you well and can see how this is starting to wear on you. You’re losing yourself grieving something that could never have been.  

“You owe it to him and to yourself.”

“I don’t. I know you guys’ care, and I appreciate it. But there isn’t anything to do. Matt and Elektra are going to get married because they love each other and that’ll be that.” You tell them. “Matt won’t ever know how I feel, and I’ve made peace with that. He wouldn’t want me and I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“But how do you know—” Karen starts, but you cut her off.

“Matt’s never expressed any interest in men, and to my knowledge he’s never been with any.”

Then, Foggy says something that haunts you.

“That’s what we thought about you before Friday.”

And it rattles within you, all throughout your body and your brain.

It stays with you throughout the night, and into the next day.

You can’t get it out of your head.

Maybe you could tell him. Just tell him and add on if he doesn’t feel the same, to forget you ever said anything.

And for the first time in a long time, you let yourself hope.

You lay in bed that night and fall asleep thinking about it. About if he’ll say yes, if he’ll kiss you like you wanted him to.

You spend days with this thought, with it rattling around. One day you wake up and are greeted by your calendar and see that the wedding is the next day.

You’re sick with nausea at the thought and realize how horrible of an idea it would be to tell him.

You pretty much spend all day, sick, staring at your suit and thinking about how horrible it would be to watch Matt get married to someone who isn’t you. In the church where you met. Not even knowing how much you want him.

You contemplate your options.

You could go to Elektra, beg her to call off the wedding and let you have him.

You could fake being sick, leave the country and block his number.

You could tell Matt the truth.

You opt to call Karen.

“I don’t know what to do.” You say, this vulnerability in your voice that you wouldn’t show normally.

“Oh..” She says your name softly. “Do you love him?” She asks.

“Karen..”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. You know I do.”

“Then tell him that.”

“What if he wants nothing to do with that?”

“Then at least you know.”

And then you ask her the real question that terrifies you.

“What if he does?”

“What?”

“What if he wants me like I want him? What do I do then?”

She wants to ask you, who cares? If Matt wants you just as desperately as you want him, what matters after that? But she felt this way towards Matt Murdock once, so she knows how horrible it is. And she’s fallen in love with women she can’t have before, so she understands.

“Then let yourself be happy.” Is her answer.

• • •

The day of the wedding comes.

You think you might be more nervous than either of them.

You sit with Foggy and Matt in the basement of the church, sipping a whiskey. Matt has his scotch, and Foggy has his rum. The lot of you have rather distinguished tastes.

Matt looks so fucking good. Your heart races. Foggy sees your nervous look and finishes his drink, clearing his throat.

“I’m gonna go check in with Marci and see how everything’s going so far. We have to be up there in ten.” He reminds you. He turns and leaves.

You’re with Matt, alone in your feelings. He’s fixing his cuffs and tilts his head towards you.

“Why is your heart racing?” He grins. “I’m the one getting married.” You say nothing. You take another sip of your drink.

“You’re reading it all wrong.” You tell him. And that isn’t a lie. You’re on the verge of saying it.

“Whatever,” He chuckles. “Help me with my bowtie, please?” He hands you the untied bowtie and you take it. You take it and step towards him.

Your hands are shaking as you wrap the bowtie around his neck and tie it, with this gentleness reserved for only those who truly know you. You can feel his breath against your skin. It’s enough to make you lose your mind. Your fingers fumble with his bowtie, and when you’re done, you straighten it out a bit. He looks really good. He’s yet to close his suit jacket and put on his glasses, but he will soon.

“Matt..” You say softly. “You know I feel about you, right?”

He pauses.

“You’re my best friend.” He hums. “Of course, I do.”

Your hands rest on his shoulders. Your fingers twitch.

“No, It’s more than that.” You tell him. “I love yo—” You’re unable to finish your confession.

Because Matt is kissing you, his hands on your sides, and pushing you against the church basement wall. You melt into the kiss, your hands going up to cup his chin. You feel this swell inside of you, like your prayers have been answered.

Kissing this man you love; you’ve never felt closer to God.

He deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue between your lips and pressing his body against yours, ruining your perfectly unwrinkled suit.

He kisses you for a few moments more.

Then, he pulls away, but you bring him back for another one by his collar, and he happily obliges. Your hand goes up to the nape of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair. Then, he pulls away again.

“That was…”

He stands breathless before you.

“I know.” He finishes.

“What happens now?”

He has this confused look on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do we do next?” To you, it’s so obvious. He should go find Elektra, call everything off, figure out what it would look like to be in a relationship with you. He should say I love you back.

“I’m going to go upstairs and get married.” He says, like it should be the obvious answer.

“What? But you just—”

“I know what I did, but… I can’t…”

“You can’t? You just did.” You defend.

He grabs his glasses where he set them on the coffee table earlier.

“I’m sorry, but we just.. We can’t.”

“No! Not we, there is no we, right now, You can’t! I have been waiting for that for years and you kiss me like that, and you decide you can’t?” You spit out.

He nods.

“You’re right.” For a moment, you live in a world where you’ve convinced him. “There is no we.” He says and turns to the door to leave. You follow him, and before he can open the door, you’re grabbing him, turning him around. Your lips are against his as if to beg him to change his mind. He lets you think you’ve convinced him.

When he pulls away from the kiss, you whisper it out.

“I love you.” You say. “Please, don’t…”

He wants you to ask him not to get married. You won’t. He’d say no anyways.

He steps away from you, buttons up his suit jacket, fixes his bowtie and puts on his glasses.

“Come on, we have to go.” He tells you. He turns and steps out, grabbing his cane on the way.

He leaves you longing for more.

He might not ever give it to you, you realize.

The ceremony is beautiful, and these two will be happy together. It kills you. You watch your best friend get married after kissing him, and something in you is breaking all the while. You were wrong.  You should have told him earlier, you should have gotten over your fears, you should have kissed him so long ago.

You book a flight to the Bahamas for two weeks and take off work or as much time as you can. You just can’t watch the happy newlyweds. It’ll break you even more than it already is.

But at least you and Matt are still friends, right? That’s what this was all about? Keeping him in your life, even if it meant not having him in the way you wanted? You’re willing to give up your happiness if it means he’ll stay in your life.

You’re frustrated, too, especially because the kiss did nothing to deter your attraction, it just makes you want him in such a way that makes you sick.

You’re in love with Matt Murdock and he knows it.

It’s a shame his wife doesn’t.

[gettinshiggywithit]

!Bakugou with an s/o who is NOT a morning person!

Request:-Can you do baku with a s/o who is like super grumpy in the mornings and how he'd handle them 🛐 • Like I bet he's a morning person bc he goes to bed at 8 30 pm 💀 and like how would he react/handle someone who was the opposite? Goes to bed at like 5 am and sleeps in until 3 or if they do get up before 10 am they're super grumpy and irritable •He gives me "im not dealing with your shit" vibes ♡ like brat tamer( @cloudy-zephyr )

Scenario:- bakugou With a reader who is a night owl~

Pairing:- bakugou x gn!reader

Genre:- fluff

Type:- oneshot

Well i think if you went to bed SIGNIFICANTLY later than him it’d irritate him but if you explain whyy you do he might not be as harsh.

Yh he hates not bein able to hold his s/o close at night but if your happy he learns to bear it.

Now on the subject of getting up late

IT IRRITATES HIM TO NO END

Cos like he wakes up and wants to start his day with you right?

But no

YOURE FAST ASLEEP UNTIL 3 IN THE GODDAM EVENING

But then again,he tries,to bear it to live with it

But eventually even he gets sick of it.

After about four weeks of this he decides

Nope you NEEE to get ur shit togetherrrr

so he’s DETERMINED to fix ur sleep schedule

He starts with waking time

Let me tell you,you went to bed at five thirty that morning

BUT LITTLE DID YOU KNOW THERES BE AN AIRHORN BURSTING YOUR EARS AT 10!

You woke up dazed,confused,scared shitless,and PISSED

and when you looked up,you saw yo mans

A smug smile on his face and the aforementioned airhorn in his hand

“Good morning sleepyhead”

Ohhh no

‘Nah ah’

Were your thoughts in that moment as your head fell back onto your pillow while you covered your ears with it like in the movies

“Piss off boom boom boy” was what came out in that moment and Bakugou kneww you were pissed

But he seriously didnt give a shit

You were gonna get used to waking up early

Whether you liked it or not

You on the other hand had a different plan,

Bakugou had tried this whole thing before but your commitment to not listening eventually made him give up

So you knew all you had to do was wait it out until history repeated itself.

And you did

For four continuous weeks but he wasn’t stopping

And on the first day of the fifth week you found yourself waking up on your own(much to your dismay)

You walked into the kitchen,pissed as ever and and there stood bakugou with a sarcastic smile on his face

As you sat down at the kitchen table he slid you your breakfast and you begrudgingly ate it

Bakugou was an asshole but he was and even better cook

“Well good morning sleepy

Head~”

Were the first words to come out if your mouth

“No,”was your reply,”bad morning”

He scoffed and started on his breakfast too

The next week onwards he started getting you to sleep at a reasonable time

How? Must be your question

Well

Force

He would physically grab you and carry you to bed

Or else the threat of unpluggin your device worked too

This was fairly easy for him to get you used to,because,to be frank,you loved katsu-cuddles

So maybe sleeping just a lil early wasnt so bad

Youd talk and cuddle eachother till you fell asleep and then wake up together the next morning

Even after you got used to this routine you were still no morning person

But hey!

Progress is progress right?

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

Comments & Reblogs w/ tags >>>>>>>>>>>likes please

Taglist open for anyone interested!

[bbobpul]

lost, but not in you — jjh

PAIRING. jaehyun x reader SUMMARY. taking a drive around anaheim with jaehyun, and reader reminisce about the hardest part of their relationship GENRE. fluff, angst W/C. 1.5k NOTE. i love niki and jaehyun so much that i had to write a story inspired by her song and make it about him. also #1to7YearsWith127 (/° 0°)/→ my other works

jaehyun embodies the epitome of patience and love, serving as a living testament to compassion and understanding. he is not merely a companion, but rather my unwavering guide—a beacon of light that pierces through the darkest moments—and my ultimate confidant on speed dial.

i consider myself incredibly fortunate to have jaehyun by my side as i navigate the ups and downs of life. amidst the whirlwind of my extracurricular commitments, he selflessly takes on the burden of completing my other works, freeing me from overwhelming pressures. during times of sorrow, he refrains from hastily wiping away my tears, understanding the importance of letting me embrace my vulnerability without feeling the need to immediately regain composure, he willingly immerses himself in the joy of simple moments, meticulously stringing up christmas lights alongside me, and ensuring i stay hydrated by buying water after every physical education class when we were younger.

every seemingly mundane act he performs holds profound meaning—a testament to his unwavering devotion. jaehyun's constant presence throughout my journey of growth and discovery has transformed him into an inseparable part of my life, a constant reminder of the incredible person he is.

"hey, is everything alright?" he asks, a concerned look on his face. "you've been pretty quiet lately."

"just lost in my thoughts," i reply, my voice tinged with a hint of introspection.

"what's been on your mind?" he probes, genuine curiosity shining through.

"just a bunch of things, you know?" i answer, my tone suggesting a mix of contemplation and uncertainty.

"you sure you're alright?" he persists, his caring nature evident. "how about we go for a drive? just cruising around anaheim."

there's jaehyun, always somehow attuned to the inner workings of my mind, sensing my emotions without me even saying a word. he knows me better than anyone else, and that's what makes him so special.

i smile faintly at his concern, appreciating his ability to sense when something's bothering me. taking a drive with him around anaheim sounds like a comforting idea, a chance to clear my mind and perhaps find solace in his company.

"yeah, a drive sounds nice," i reply, my voice reflecting a mix of gratitude and longing. "let's go."

jaehyun's touch is gentle yet firm as he takes hold of my wrist, encouraging me to rise from my seat. we make our way up to the parking lot, where the bustling atmosphere threatens to engulf us. there, he holds me with such tenderness, as if afraid that i would slip away amidst the sea of people. his grip provides a comforting anchor, a silent reassurance that i am not alone in navigating the overwhelming world around us.

as we cruise along the road, jaehyun's animated voice fills the air, carrying his excitement for a future event that is still months away.

he enthusiastically discusses his plans of getting a real tree for this year's christmas—a small yet significant detail that warms my heart.

it is in these seemingly ordinary moments that i find solace, realizing that he not only cherishes our present connection but also envisions a future together. his words paint a picture of shared joy and anticipation, and it brings genuine happiness to my soul, knowing that he sees me as an integral part of his life.

"i mean, we could always stick with the old one," i suggest, a hint of hesitation in my voice.

jaehyun turns to me, a playful glint in his eyes. "but babe, we've had that tree for two whole years now. i think it's about time we switch things up and embrace a little change," he replies, his tone filled with gentle persuasion.

"yeah, you're right," i concede, acknowledging the practicality of considering our options with ample time. "we still have a lot of time to think about it."

jaehyun's response, however, carries a deeper sentiment. his words resonate with unwavering conviction, emphasizing his desire to make each passing winter season truly memorable. "whether it's months away or tomorrow, i want this year to be special," he declares, his voice brimming with a sense of unwavering commitment.

"i've loved you through three winters now, honey, and i want to spend all of my winters with you." his assurance flows effortlessly, as if he instinctively knows what my heart needs, even when i haven't explicitly voiced my concerns. his love for me radiates through his words, reassuring me that our connection is steadfast and enduring.

love endures. it's true, our journey hasn't always been smooth sailing. we've faced our fair share of challenges and obstacles along the way, but it's through those trials that our bond has grown stronger.

we've weathered storms, navigated through rough patches, and faced difficult moments that tested our commitment. yet, through it all, we've found the strength to endure, to hold on to the love we share. each hurdle has become an opportunity for growth and learning, as we've discovered the depths of our resilience and the power of our connection.

flashback, 4 years ago

ah, the stubbornness of our youth. i can relate. we've had our fair share of pushing people away and then desperately pulling them back into our lives, trapped in a toxic and exhausting cycle. life hasn't been particularly kind to me lately, but somehow, amidst the chaos, jaehyun remains steadfast by my side.

i often find myself wondering how he possesses such immense patience and endurance to withstand my unpredictable moods and behaviors. it's as if he possesses this innate ability to untangle the tangled threads in my mind with ease and tenderness.

"because i love you," he utters those words, calmly and unwaveringly, even when i snap at him. this period of my life has been anything but easy, yet he has remained a constant presence, a pillar of support.

it's not the first time he has spoken those words to me, offering his unwavering love and understanding. in response to his gentle declaration, all i can muster is a heartfelt apology.

"i'm sorry, jaehyun," i say, my voice laced with sincerity.

and like countless times before, his answer echoes with unwavering consistency, "i know."

the words he speaks are filled with immense consideration and love, as he delicately asks, "do you need space, baby? i understand that you're feeling lost right now."

overwhelmed by emotions, i can't find the words to respond. but he continues, his voice a gentle whisper, "i know you're tired, and truth be told, i am too. i don't want to pressure you into defining our relationship with labels. none of that matters to me. what truly matters is you. i just want you to know that if there ever comes a time when you can't promise me tomorrow, i will. and if there ever comes a time when you feel unable to promise me anything at all, i will still be here. i will patiently wait until you feel worthy of love, until you feel capable of loving. i will search for you in every corner of this world, but only when you're ready to be found. i will strive to give you everything, to make you feel cherished. so, please, my love."

his heartfeltwords wash over me, leaving me in awe of his unwavering devotion and understanding.

it's undeniable that i struggle with feeling incapable of loving and unworthy of his affection. it's a persistent sentiment that lingers within me, no matter how much time i've spent growing up with him, nearly my entire life intertwined with his. despite our shared history, i can't shake the sensation that i'll never truly grasp the familiarity of this path we're on.

"just be honest with me, y/n," he pleads, his voice filled with a mix of hope and vulnerability.

"i'm so sorry, jaehyun," i whisper, a hint of sadness tingling my words. "baby, i would give anything to stop time and wholeheartedly commit to you. i want to share all of my tomorrows with you. i am lost, but not in you, not because of you. i don't need space, jaehyun. in fact, i want you right here, by my side. i want you here, just here, with me."

in that moment, i bare my soul, expressing my deepest desires and vulnerabilities. despite my own internal struggles, i recognize the immense value and significance of having him by my side. his presence brings comfort and stability in a world that often seems overwhelming. i long for him to understand that, although i may be grappling with my own sense of direction, his love is a guiding light, a source of strength that anchors me in the present.

——— ♡

those moments of hardship have shaped us, teaching us valuable lessons about patience, understanding, and forgiveness. we have learned to communicate better, to support each other, and to find solace in knowing that we are in this together.

our journey hasn't always been easy, but it's precisely because of those challenges that our love stands firm today. we know the depth of our commitment, and we appreciate the beauty of the endurance we've built together. it's a testament to our shared strength and the unwavering love that binds us, transcending any obstacles that may come our way.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hey! I’m kinda struggling to understand myself at the moment so I was hoping someone else might have experience with this.

I am ace and possibly aro and about two months ago I was in a very brief relationship with a good friend of mine. We had tried to go out before but I didn’t know her that well back then so I always got scared and backed away from any kind of physical touch and we decided to just stay friends.

Now, at the time of the second attempt, we had been friends for almost two years and I felt something towards her that I would have thought were romantic feelings. I got jealous whenever she mentioned another potential girl she liked, imagined how nice it would be to live life together and stuff like that. So I asked her out and we started dating.

Only for me to find out that nothing had changed. It was as if someone had flipped a switch. The second we called each other girlfriends, I felt like I was stuck in a fight or flight situation and I wanted to avoid her desperately. So we went back to being friends.

But now, two months after that, I lie awake at night thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have called it off so quickly. I feel like she is the only one I know that really gets me and that I could see myself with in the future.

This is all so contradictory and confusing to me, so maybe if someone has experienced something similar at some point I would greatly appreciate some advice! <3

It does sound like you might be experiencing romance repulsion. Romance repulsion is negative feelings that appear in certain romantic situations (what situations depend on the person), and feelings like anxiety, fight or flight, wanting to hide from the other person, etc. are all common romance repulsion feelings.

It is possible to experience romance repulsion to someone you are also romantically attraction to, which can be confusing and hard to navigate. It's possible to experience romantic attraction up until you are actually in a relationship with that person and then have the attraction fade or disappear (if someone thinks this is happening, I always recommend looking into frayromantic, lith/akoiromantic and aegoromantic labels if the person is interested in looking more into things).

It's hard to say 100% if you were to stay in the relationship if the repulsion would have faded, repulsion can be hard to predict. But it's not something I'd recommend trying for very long because when you try and push through repulsion it usually gets worse, not better.

What does tend to work is to see if there's any way to have a relationship that doesn't set off the repulsion. For example some people might be more comfortable in a QPR (which is a catchall term for any relationship that can't be easily categorized as romantic or friendship, and tend to be heavily tailored to the people in the relationship), and then defining the relationship as platonic. So for example you can still have a committed relationship and do things you want in a relationship but leave out anything that sets off your replusion.

This doesn't work for everyone, so don't feel pressured if it's not right for you, but don't be afraid to try different things and see how they go. Remember there's no rules in what a relationship can look like and what it can involve so long as it's not harming anyone and the people in it are happy with it. Hopefully you do eventually find something that works for you.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus

Not to sound repetitive but, I had a busy couple weeks, but finally had a second to return to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be talking about

Parting Glances (1986) dir. Bill Sherwood

[Run Time: 1:30, Available: tubi and fubo, Language: English]

Summary: As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa, Michael must face Robert's true motives for leaving while dealing with their circle of eccentric friends, including Nick, who is living with AIDS.

Cast: 

John Bolger as Robert

Richard Ganoung as Michael 

Steve Buscemi as Nick 

__

Well, I have to say this was very much not what I was expecting for the first AIDS related movie of the syllabus. After some pretty hefty violent deaths of queer characters in the first half of Unit 4, I was very much anticipating the heart wrenching tragedies to continue immediately once I hit the AIDS epidemic portion. But Parting Glances very much subverted my expectations of what I was walking in to, because honestly…so much of it was lovely. 

It’s not that tragedy is not a part of this movie, it is, it’s just hidden under the layer of friendship, community, and love that feels like the core theme of the film. I am thinking about the party at Joan’s and how much happiness and celebration was happening there, with community abound, and yet how Michael kept telling people they should call Nick because he would appreciate it, showing just how much Nick has lost of his own community since his HIV/AIDS diagnosis. 

I really loved how real these relationships to one another felt, the way that Michael and Robert were playful with each other, the way that Nick sat on Michael’s lap so casually for a few minutes when Michael cooked him dinner, I loved the conversation Robert had with his ex-girlfriend, the young and hopeful queer boy who wished to live forever. I just loved watching the queer community be a queer community. 

Even in the moments that get a little dour, where Michael gets especially weepy with Nick, those scenes did not make me sad, did not destroy me the way other films in this syllabus have, because that is just grief. Grief is a mighty and terrible thing, but I find beauty in it as well. I find beauty and loveliness in the fact that those tears came from Michael finally admitting to Nick that he loved him, that Nick got to hear himself that he was loved, especially when so many people seemed to have fallen away from him after his diagnosis. I find comfort in the conversations about death that Michael and Joan have together, because those are conversations I’ve had, they feel familiar, they feel like a natural part of life, perhaps they should not have to feel those points so soon, but Nick himself is right, living forever is the only thing none of us can do. 

I really loved that we saw Nick when he was at a stage in his illness where he was simply being careful, but was still full of life, energetic, that he was able to be a support system for Michael and was not only being tended to. We know what is coming, but we are not made to see it. I was really in to what the film did with it’s use of ominous backing track, that Nick could hear it, that it felt like the progression of his illness, that it felt like a sense of impending doom, a cloud that hangs over Nick. 

Throughout a lot of this film I found myself thinking about The Inheritance Part One & Part Two, a play written in 2016 based off of the book Howard’s End by EM Forster. I saw this play a few years back and was lulled in to a false sense of security that this would not be a play about AIDS because it was set in the relatively modern day with a focus on younger queer characters, but ohhhhhhh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the first part, we hear a story from a character named Walter, an older gay man that lived in the same building as the main characters, and he recounts the story of his life, how his husband, Henry, built a farm outside of New York city for the two of them to live in…right around the time that AIDS started decimating the area. How that distance still was not good enough for Henry so he would leave on business trips, because his fear of catching AIDS was so strong. 

Walter tells the story of when he went back in to the city for the first time, and ran in to a friend he used to know, who had acquired AIDS and was on the brink of death. He talks about how when Henry was away, he brought that kid to the farm Henry had built to hide from AIDS, and Walter cared for that boy until he died. Walter talks about doing that again and again and again and again, dozens of times, he would go in to the city, bring a friend back home, and care for them until they passed. 

^[sidebar: I very much do not like Robert]

Part of the play ends with Walter being asked what it was like at that time, Walter asks the main characters to name someone they know, they give a name, he says “they’re dead. Give me another name, he’s dead”. For what felt like minutes, name after name after name is called and name after name after name is dead. When I saw that scene I broke down in the theater, I cried for the entirety of the walk back to the train station, I was brought to the brink of tears at the thought of that scene for a month after I saw the show. 

I mention this because it was all that I could think about while watching Robert and Michael interact with one another, while seeing this plot unfold. Robert fleeing New York while Michael stayed to care for his dying friend. Knowing that Walter and Henry stayed together after all was said and done, after Henry had stopped running from reality, and the death rates had slowed; then seeing Robert decide not to go to Africa, and how Michael did not show any signs of planning to break up with Robert knowing, despite knowing how Robert felt too settled, how Robert had chosen to go, despite knowing that Robert was running from loss, and running from being a support for Michael when the love of his life finally dies. 

So despite the fact that Parting Glances didn’t evoke the same feelings, though I felt like overall it was a relatively upbeat, uptempo, gentle film, the current underneath it all, the dying underneath it all, the tragedy is right there but it is just out of reach. 

Favorite Scene 

I think my favorite scene is when Joan and Michael are laying in bed together, holding stuffed animals at Robert’s going away party while they just casually talk about death and dying. It just felt very much like a conversation I have had with my best friend on multiple occasions, especially lately because we've had a number of deaths happen in our lives recently. And yes, my friend and I both match the type of conversation part this scene, and also the beating each other up with stuffed animals part of this scene.

Obviously we do not spend enough time with the other characters at the party to know exactly what is going on in their lives, and there is not doubt many if not all of them have lost loved ones to AIDS, but we know that Joan and Michael are really the only two people who go and visit Nick, and it feels so symbolic of the weight that they are shouldering caring for their dying friend to have the only two people who have not cut themselves off from Nick be sitting together, in another room away from all the other gay attendees, discussing, speculating, joking about death. 

Favorite Quote

We all know the real right answer is: “Straight men are jerks. Gay men are jerks. Straight women are jerks. That leaves lesbians and they are off in their ivory towers laughing their heads off at the rest of us. I should’ve been a dyke” 

But I am going to go for the more serious:

“...look at the others, waiting, wondering if some innocent moment of pleasure long past can set them up with the ultimate form of [German word my subtitles did not state]...  I’d like to stage a piece in which all of the performers are people who are terminally ill, can you imagine the intensity, the concentration, the purpose”

This is said off-handedly in a conversation between Joan and a heterosexual male artist who was attending the party. I put it here for two reasons: a) the first half is a very succinct commentary on the state of the queer community (at least who were at the party) and feels like general commentary about the movie’s premise as a whole. Especially because Nick talks about how he didn’t realize how long the gestation period of HIV was, and by the time he started taking protective measures it was already too late. b) because the second half is just the most pretentious, absolutely mindless, careless, and shitty thing to say to someone who is actively losing a friend to a terminal illness. This fucking hetero artist came in to a room full of queer people and decided that dying people would be great to put in to his next project for ~The Vibes~ and I love that comment so much because first, it shows how much he Does Not Get It, and second because of how much disgust is baked in to Joan’s “Excuse me” as she leaves before he can finish his thought. 

Because to say that to someone who is watching loved one after loved one after loved one die before their eyes is an absolutely disgusting thing to do (in my opinion). 

Final Score

8/10

Up next, Philadelphia (1993)

[laurark]

2023 Wrap Up

A strange year that was both long and short. The main lesson to learn from 2023 is the same lesson I have been learning every year since I was 6 years old: Things happen if you try!

 I spent a lot of time this year hitting my head against a wall, or rather healing from an RSI that caused making art to become really fraught. I could bear the wrist pain in order to do my favorite thing (drawing!!!) but then the pain stuck around after I had clocked out for the day and was making dinner. It would go like this: I want to make pasta sauce using canned tomatoes, but using a can opener is so painful now that maybe I should just do something else. The onions and garlic are already cooking in the pan though, what can I pivot that to? I felt like the biggest dunce in the world. I worked my way into being cursed, I deserved it.

I have this craving to just commit to a big art project, like a graphic novel, and keep my head down working on it. Having all my time devoted to work feels a bit like doing penance, like earning my bread. But I look at the world and I know I cannot draw my way out of this. I can’t write my way out of this. I can’t post my way out of this. I am unprepared for what I need to do to earn a better tomorrow. But I am prepared to learn.

I changed up my desk ergonomics and my wrist healed. Thank you to the huge desk easel that I stole from my parents’ house. It’s ugly, heavy, stained, and I keep banging my elbows on its sharp corners. It sucks but it saved my life. Do not resist making your workspace uglier if it might help you! 

Making The Influence and participating in the ShortBox Comics Fair was a huge work highlight this year. I’m so grateful I can make a work with dark themes and have it be understood and appreciated. The encouraging response to The Influence did a lot to kill the bad faith reviewer in my mind. Things are possible if you try!

I started painting again and I really love it. I’m trying to just follow the image-making. Painting is play to me and I want it to remain so. I feel myself itch to turn it into some kind of profitable thing, to make it palatable, but I’m trying to resist so it remains a place of experimentation. 

I also wrote a short novel. It’s awful. I just re-read it and it’s so bad, but reading it makes me happy. It needs serious reworking to be a proper novel, but I did technically cross the finish line and write the whole story. It was very refreshing and informative to branch out like this, even if I don’t think this particular example is fit for human consumption. Earlier in my life I was so stubborn about ONLY working in comics but now I’d like to pursue whatever path I can to have a creative career. If you try!

I had a great time tabling at Short Run this year. Two different people came to my table and told me they came to the show specifically to see my table. One person said Bug Boys was responsible for facilitating “many special moments” with them and their niece. I don’t want to forget about moments like this. It means a lot to me. 

It occurs to me as I type out this year’s accomplishments, they’re mostly things I did at home alone. I haven’t rejoined the world after COVID in a meaningful way, the way I hoped I would during lockdown. It comes naturally to me to make up excuses to stay home, keep my head down, watch how things play out before joining in. That attitude does me a disservice. It isolates me. When other people are only in the screen, they become hypothetical. It’s not right to live this way, but it’s comfortable to me. It feels “safe” after COVID, even though it’s not safe. I know I need to change this. 

It feels sick and strange to be blogging in my safe little apartment during a time of bloodshed. To flip through my planner and think of my future while others starve is obscene. My entire life was obscene in this fashion. It’s my responsibility to sit with this feeling and do something with it.

Here’s to a better 2024. We can do it, we can try. 

In love and solidarity, 

Laura K.

[olderthannetfic]

ONTF, you're older than I am, you're highly media literate, maybe you'll know: what was the appeal of the Joss Whedon style of writing to begin with? Everyone whateverishly wording their phrasey bits in that very Whedon-y way never did anything for me, positive or negative, and the constant need to have comedy during serious moments or interrupt a serious moment with either snark or a remark that nods towards tropes diffuses the tension to the point where I can't get invested. None of his characters ever felt capable of having sincere moments like most characters in other things I watch, and the few moments of that they did have would get undermined by one of the aforementioned flaws.

I do think the "omg worst writer EVER!" crowd is a bit much, because I've seen things so bad that Whedon looks like Shakespeare by comparison. But my half-sister, who is 25 years older than me and thus in her late 40's, swears Joss' style is revolutionary and deep. And frankly I've been wrong about a lot of media I used to hate and I'm open to the idea I'm missing something. It's super likely given my limited media exposure, though I am admittedly trying to work on that and branch out into more genres of media and more formats so I don't become that 'guy who has only seen Boss Baby thinks every movie has Boss Baby vibes' meme.

So. What am I missing? What's the context I'm missing and the key here that will allow me to appreciate the appeal of and enduring fandom for Whedon's work? I am admittedly a fandom baby but I am willing to learn.

--

I mean... I despised him from the get go, other than the Buffy movie, which I still quote that death scene from regularly, so I'm probably not the best person to describe what's appealing about his style.

But one-liners during action are a common taste even if I'm fonder of the sorts of homoerotic 80s trash Ruthless Reviews used to cover.

Ironic distance is also popular and easier to swallow than earnestness for a lot of people.

However, I do think Buffy's original audience was connecting with it emotionally. Look at the part where Buffy's all upset after the most clownishly 1980s take on loss of virginity and heavyhanded metaphors for guys being jerks that just made every writer involved seem excessively middle-aged and out of touch Giles asks if she has any idea what could have happened to Angel. For people who weren't going to high school in 90s California, that bilge was apparently very moving. Certainly, there are parts of Buffy where the quips die down for some actual emotional moments.

People like style. Something that commits to being aggressively stylized will often stand out from the bland clones that surround it. Look at Wes Anderson (another creator I don't particularly like). Whedon's godawful faux-witty dialogue did sound different from other things on TV at the time. He also lets women say some of the one-liners, which is sorely missing from most media.

But mostly, he was formative for a lot of people, and I had to live through many, many years of them earnestly entreating me to give his shitty writing another chance because this time I would somehow connect with this sex-negative parasite and his casting aesthetic that I didn't find hot or interesting.

(I like dumb and campy things. I just like them to star a bunch of body builders from New Zealand, not waifs.)

People always hold up the things they imprinted on as more revolutionary and deep than they seem in retrospect. In Whedon's case, his already obnoxious style suffers from having been copied so much since, but even if he weren't famous or popular, if you were talking to that one person whose adolescence was defined by their love of him, they'd say all this same nonsense your sister does.

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Look the real reason so many book fans are mad about the wheel of time adaptation instead of having a great time with it regardless of changes, is that the production is putting a very strong focus on updating the worldbuilding and characters in specific ways, as well as changing individual events in favor of a more streamlined way to make The Same character beats happen.

Because this is an adaptation to film, and of course they have to change stuff. Come on people. Be realistic. You know how long the series is.

And there are parts of the book series that Do need updating. RJ was trying to be as progressive as he could in a lot of his approach to the series, but what was progressive in the 90s is not as progressive now so of course they are updating it. If you didn’t think this show was gonna have queer people and polyamory then sorry about it. Dear Mr. Jordan was Really Good at writing romantic relationships between women when he thought he was just writing friendships, he did it A Couple times. I would Bet Money on Avilayne becoming canon. This series is being created by a queer showrunner he is absolutely doing a queer reading of these books. Which I am Very Here For.

And he is doing a reading, and changing things. Which again, is Necessary. The book series is Super long and they have 8 seasons to do it in. They’re gonna change individual events to make sure that the main characters go through all the necessary character beats. And you’re just being recalcitrant if you can’t admit that season two Rules in a lot of ways. They are still making sure every important character has all their moments. And each individual episode has focused on some of the most powerful themes of the Entire book series. Including the inherent tragedies inherent to channelers such as: being cut off from the one power in various ways through shielding and stilling, having their own control of the one power taken over by others through weaves and ter’angreal, and living extended lifespans and thus leaving behind their loved ones. They’re doing a Very good job of keeping to the core themes and character beats and also changing stuff around to make the story work on a shorter time frame.

Also they’re working really hard to make sure Every character is as well fleshed out as possible. Meaning that yes, a lot of focus is being spent so far on the other main pov characters and all of the important aes sedai who will matter in the conflicts to come. That’s a good thing. Sorry to the people who only cared about the ta’veren boys or whatever but RJ wrote a ton of interesting and powerful women and they’re all getting their Due in this adaptation that is a feature not a bug.

It’s not like there isn’t stuff to be improved in the original! There is a huge chunk of the wheel of time that a lot of fans refer to as the slog! Where most of the main characters are separated and the plot is barely moving so some characters only show up in like two chapters of a single book, because there are so many individual things happening, before the plot starts moving faster again towards the end of the series. (And then there’s the crimes committed by Mr. Sanderson on the last three books but we’re not going to talk about that right now.

Which personally I would disagree that the slog is where the series is least enjoyable. The section I usually skip when rereading is the first two books, #having a great time right now actually with the show skipping through as much of the minutiae of books I and II as they can. The wheel of time is not a perfect series and Robert Jordan kept trying to finish it in one to three books at first and the first two books suffer as a result.

If you stopped reading in books one or two PLEASE just try to make it to three Trust Me. Or just watch the show and then read the battle of falme in book II and then read book III. You will appreciate books one and two more on a reread after all the stuff he does bring up there has really paid off. And also just have fun watching your faves be more happy than they are in later books ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The show is not Trying to be the books and frankly I’m glad it’s not! This is another turning of the wheel, another version of events, a parallel universe to the randland of the books. And I think they’re doing a pretty brilliant job of telling a version of that story so far this season.

Adaptations will change things. That’s a good thing. Judge it on executing the ideas it is bringing up and staying true to the core of the character arcs and themes of the original. And frankly it’s enhancing a lot of character arcs right now. There are many things that I think the show is already doing better than the books did tbh (Min, Liandrin, Selene, making Perrin spend less time dithering about the Wolf Stuff, speeding up Mat’s healing from the dagger so my best boy gets more time to shine)

Adaptations are transformative works. To lesser and greater degrees they reinterpret a work through a different artistic lens and medium. The changes are not bad because they are changes. Judge it on the execution of the story it’s actually telling instead of a close comparison to the books. And they are keeping as true to the books as they can whether you acknowledge that or not.

If you’re a person who reads fanfiction but you can’t judge a film adaptation for what it is instead of what it’s not then please try Slightly harder.

And if you’re just mad that it’s all queer and polyamorous now and the boys aren’t the only main characters then die mad I guess. I will continue having a pretty great time watching this show chock full of extremely powerful (and sometimes evil) women. I think RJ would have liked it tbh.

[belltrigger]

Submastober Day 03!

Inspiration: There's an older OC-tober prompt-list here that I am using.

Title: Of Course No one Can Tell Prompt: Control Word count: 600 Synopsis: Ingo believes he maintains complete control over how obvious he is regarding details of his private life.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Ingo did not consider himself a particularly prideful person. Of course, Emmet would tease him mercilessly were he to ever say that, bringing up any number of times where he had been utterly shocked at losing a battle early in their careers. He had grown past that, he would insist earnestly, and Emmet would just laugh through his grin at getting a rise out of his older brother.

Despite his brother's good-natured jibes, Ingo was never all that upset by his losses, held no qualms with acting silly to cheer up young, distressed passengers, and was not riled by disrespect from the occasional troublemaker. All of that was in the line of his ultimate duty, running the Subway in the way he best knew how - ensuring pleasant, efficient, and timely travel every single day. Of course, the Battle Subway was neatly tucked into that duty.

All of that being said, there was something that Ingo prided himself on. No matter what, regardless of how guided the conversation, he had the utmost control over information that spread about his personal life. First and foremost, he was a Subway Master, an important part of Gear Station that could not waver. Everything from his appearance to his mannerisms to his leadership reflected on Gear Station and Nimbasa City. It was certainly unprofessional to let his personal life bleed into such a position.

Also, there was a very particular facet of his personal life that could not spread, no matter what: long ago, he had fallen in love with his twin.

It was lucky, yes, that Emmet showed the same dedication he did in maintaining Gear Station's stellar reputation. It was also lucky that Emmet was just as committed to living their lives as Twins - from dressing in a coordinated fashion, living together, raising pokemon together, and even coordinating their gestures both at work and out in public. The ease with which they entwined their lives since their birth continued even now, and he appreciated every moment where they seamlessly, effortlessly, moved together.

Because of this, no one was the wiser about his feelings, simply accepting that he and Emmet were a two-car train, perfectly in sync and content to stay that way at all times. Their companionship was not questioned, seen merely as 'Twins being Twins,' and even some of their actual eccentricities were swept under that all encompassing consideration. No one spoke up about the times where he and Emmet broke through socially acceptable personal space, their faces nearly touching as they leaned in to discuss something that got them fired up.

There were times, of course, that he wished his feelings could be accepted publicly. He could finally openly confess to his brother, but truthfully he felt not much would change between them even after that. They were already physically close, and while he was sure they could find ways to be physically closer if they investigated such things, there was very little distance to close otherwise.

But, that was not the circumstance they lived in - it was unfortunately not something he could confess out loud. He knew bringing their relationship to that final level, that final push, was just a bit too far up the tracks. His ties with Emmet were too precious to potentially derail, especially since they were already in a well-established loop on their very own route.

Of course, Ingo was confident that he'd completely controlled all of this information. There was definitely no one that knew of his little secret. Not even his twin, who'd started watching him with a very peculiar intensity as of late.