#social isolation DOES SHIT to your brain

[ajaxsbeloved]

stygianoir asked:

"A part two of don’t give me that look with Dainsleif, Xiao and Scaramouche plz"

-: don't gimmie that look III :-

part 1 — part 2

feat. dainsleif, alhhaitham, and aether (xiao and scaramouche are in part 2!)

genre. suggestive

summary. the genshin men react to you giving them the “fuck me” eyes accidentally

warnings. dainsleif has fake lore since there's not much we know about him, dains reader uses she/her, dains section is kinda long my bad, khaenri'ahn body guard dain, reader is khaenri'ahn royality or something??, lore players pls don't kill me i'm just writing random shit, dains ending does NOT imply sex after i'm sorry y'all, reader is a scholar at the academiya with alhaitham, aether abyss prince au, more fake lore for aether because we don’t know anything abt the abyss yet

authors note. this series has short circuited my brain 😭😭😭 unfortunately i will NOT be doing a part 4 but please stick around my blog and thank you all for the amount of love you've given this series it means so much to me :( <3 // also this was reuploaded and tagged by @aventurinesweetheart bc i forgot to do it the first time

dainsleif

if dainsleif was anything it was good at his job. not to mention completely and utterly devoted to you...

of course the good part is that you Are his job

Khaenri'ah is a thriving nation, one built on technology and innovation. before the teyvat we knew, before the archons and before the heavenly principles

your father was a strict man, he was always stubborn and strongly believed in learning the right lesson at the right time

dain was a beloved member of the khaenri'ahn guard, having been a member of the guards history since before he was born. dainsleif's father and his father before him had all served the royal family, naturally dain would grow up to do the same thing

when he first became a knight he was proud, even if he wasn't yet protecting members of the royal family he was still happy doing regular guard duties and he was honored to even be a part of the group that would defend their nation

at the ripe age of 18 dainsleif was promoted, he wasn't scared though. no in fact he was extremely excited, he had been waiting for this his whole life and nothing could change the fact that he was proud to carry on his families legacy

he was assigned to protect the khaenri'ahn princess, the oldest of them at least who happened to be the same age as him. he had never actually met her though, sure he had seen her in public as she did royal things with her family like orientation of nobles and knighting new guards

but this was completely different, seeing royalty and befriending royalty were definitely not the same thing

when he first met you he wasn't surprised, you seemed like the typical royal princess. you were calm and put together, you were well articulated and held your head high as any proper royalty should do

it wasn't until a few months into being your specific guard that dainsleif noticed anything unique about you, the truth was that despite all your honorary behaviors and taught attitude, there was a kind and loving person behind it all

at first this was a little shocking to dain, he had no idea that royalty could be so... so human.

you may have been what he expected at first but after knowing you? you were a whole new person to him, not just someone he was hired to protect but you grew to be someone he wanted to protect

eventually the two of you grew rather close, becoming sort of like best friends. dainsleif was never one to socialize much as he had to focus on his job and you were kind of isolated from the world since being put on a pedastal made it hard for you to make friends out of regular everyday people

so from then on the duo was practically inseparable, glued to each other and always running to each other whenever anything remotely interesting happens

until one day, one day dain goes to your bedroom. he was worried, you had missed breakfast and didn't attend your behavior classes. this worried your parents too of course but no one truly cared for you the way dainsleif did

when you didn't answer after he knocked he warned that he was coming in and pushed open the door with a little bit of force only to find that you weren't there, in fact the bed room was completely empty and one of the windows by your bedside was wide open

the worst situation came into dainsleif's mind, had you run away? did someone take you? how was he ever supposed to protect you if he doesn't know where you are?

he immediately sprints to tell your parents and siblings only to find them already in the meeting hall with concerned expressions on their faces and a note in their hands

the note reads as follows "I have your daughter, bring me 100,000 dollars or i will cut off her hands. you have until 12AM, send only 1 guard and the money to this location."

the letter then had a map attached to it with a meeting point, your family was freaking out and insisted that they go to the meeting point with a full guard squad and the money just in case; the money

but dainsleif knew this was a bad idea, he knew that if the royal family sent a whole team of guards that they would never get you back and that the kidnapper would do horrible unimaginable things to you

the thought alone infuriated dain and he somehow managed to convince your family that it was him who needed to go with the money and bring you home safely

so he went, he brought the money and the kidnapper was there with you next to him. there was tape over your mouth and your hands were bound in rope, the sight was hard to look at but dainsleif mustered up all his courage to get you out of this situation

he went to give the kidnapper money and as he did so he managed to knock him out cold, how you may ask? don't. i don't know how he did it LMAO

you quickly ran up to dain and he cut off the ropes that bound your wrists as well as took the tape off of your mouth, thankful to even be alive you engulfed him in the tighest hug you could manage with the strength you had left

dainsleif was shocked, though you were friends you had never seemed to share a hug or been in physical contact so he was taken by surprise at your eager show of affection

he looked down at you and felt his body flood with warmth when he saw you were looking back at him, your eyes glittering in admiration at your hero and the widest toothiest grin on your face

dainsleif felt energy rejuvenate throughout his body, as if looking at you had somehow made him bounce back from all the worry and concern he had at the situation

there you were, looking at him like he was the best man in the world, like he was your hero. he couldn't help but smile back at you, your joyous expression apparently contagious

"let's get you home (y/n)."

alhaitham

being a scholar in the nation of knowledge was no easy feat, there were many and many people who were immensely smart and experienced with researching

alhaitham was no exception, he was of course extremely intelligent not to mention observant and caring (though he would never admit to it)

you had met alhaitham when you first joined the academiya, being in similar fields of study you were able to bond over things like professors or assignments that you struggled with

however alhaitham never struggled, he always found each task easy to complete and he did every assignment well enough to earn perfect grades

you spent countless hours in the library studying til you collapsed over the tests and exams that you had nearly every week, you could spend days and days in the computer lab trying to find sources for your papers and articles about the topics you were assigned for research

alhaitham always came along with you, finding any excuse not to be at home just in case kaveh happened to be there. besides it’s not like he ever had much to do, he had plenty of free time and for whatever reason he preferred spending it with you

even if you were truly spending your time “together”, it was often found that you had your nose in notes and scribbled diagrams while alhaitham sat quietly across from you reading a thick book that had at least 250 pages

sometimes you’d fall asleep studying or you’d have to take a few bathroom breaks, you’d always come back to find alhaitham in the same spot with the same neutral expression as he flipped the pages of his books

sometimes you’d try to talk with him, asking him about how his studies were going or what kaveh was up to. he always got rather annoyed by the questions regarding kaveh, he would get defensive or start bad mouthing kaveh as he tried to make himself look better

“kaveh is a lazy baboon who can hardly get his work done and eat throughout the day while i have to do all the chores around the house and manage to do my duties as the scribe… pfft it’s almost pathetic.”

he’d role his eyes at the thought of kaveh and go on and on complaining about how he hates being at home because he can’t stand being around kaveh, he’d sometimes mentioned hanging out at your place to avoid going home

“after studying we should grab something to eat and head to your house, i’d rather study more with you then go home and deal with my actual roommate.”

despite the way alhaitham talked about kaveh you knew they were actually good friends, they just clashed heads and bickered more than most people….. yeah… more than most….

so one day you let alhaitham come over after studying, you had gotten take out and some alcohol to have at your place while you relaxed after exams

you ate and laughed, though alhaitham seems stoic he’s a rather funny guy. not that he tries to be funny but he just says things so bluntly and isn’t afraid to gossip with you about people in your lives

you were drunk and enjoying yourself from across the table, eventually the laughter died down and the conversation came to a halt

the silence filled the air and alhaitham (who wasn’t drunk because he can hold his alcohol extremely well) was looking around your apartment as opposed to you

you sat there looking at alhaitham and taking in everything about him, from the way he hair framed his face to his gorgeous eyes and toned chest, even the way he smelled like wood

without even realizing you started giggling at him, finding your own thoughts about how good looking his was amusing and unexpected

hearing your laughter alhaitham turn his eyes to you, he froze at the sight before him

there you were sitting across the table from him with a light blush on your face and adorable smile on your lips

you were so perfect, from your teeth to your eyebrows and the way your nose scrunched as you laughed at him made his stomach turn in on itself

truthfully he didn’t understand, what were you laughing about? why did he find you so attractive right now? and how could you laugh so carefree like that? was it because of him?

“what’re you laughing for?”

“you silly! you’re so funny y’know that?”

that was it, that was the straw that broke the camels back. alhaitham didn’t know what it was that made him do flips in his head but he knew if he didn’t do something about it soon it would leave him a wreck

he got up the table swiftly, surprising you as you let out a noise of confusion, he made his way over to your side of the table and grabbed your hand

pulling you up you let out a “wha-“ and before you knew it he was dragging you around the house, to a place you were well familiar with which was of course, your bedroom

he led you quietly and once you arrived he closed the door, pushing you against it and locking lips with you

you were surprised but certainly not disappointed, you leaned into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck would made him groan as you smiled against him

“i need to be more than just your study buddy.”

aether

the abyss was a rather strict organization, there weren’t many humans who were a part of it yet you find yourself aligning with their views and climbing up the ranks

today was an important day, today was a mission that the abyss took very seriously. you were chosen to retrieve information on the tsaritsa’s plan to steal the gnosis’ and bring the plans back to headquarters

everything was going just right, you were able to infiltrate a fatui agency successfully and managed to gain access to some information that most fatui weren’t even able to be aware of

you gathered the files you obtained and started to make your way out of the fatui agency when suddenly a man stopped you

“you. i don’t think i’ve seen you anyway around here before, who are you and what is your clearance?”

you were put on the spot, but not to worry because this was something you trained for, this was something you were expecting

“you haven’t seen me because i outrank you. don’t talk down to your captains, i have important business. now if you’ll excuse me i need to take these files to the knave, interrupt me again and i’ll make sure she hears about how you interfered with her collection of information.”

the man in front of you froze upon hearing the knaves name, he took a nervous gulp and apologized for intruding on your collection of data

you acted snarky, scoffing at this innocent lower level employee and giving him a dirty look to which he squealed at

you successfully exited the building and travelled back to abyssal headquarters to report your findings to the high council, hoping that perhaps you’d get promoted or at least a raise

you strutted into headquarters proudly, holding your head high and nodding at those who greeted you and welcomed you back

you may your way to the high council meeting room and presented the information you collected, spilling all the details of your mission and how the fatui managed to not suspect anything of you

the council was impressed and satisfied with your report, the most notable being the prince. aether was very pleased with your abilities and was prideful to have such an intelligent and skilled agent on his side of the war

“come here, i shall award you an honor not many have been able to accomplish.”

you walk closer to his throne and find yourself in front of the prince himself who was not only powerful and smart but also extremely handsome

“on your knees.”

you knelt carefully, placing your hand on your chest and closing your eyes to listen to your prince

aether took out his sword from its sheath and you shivered hearing the blade scrape against the metal cover, more gently than expected, the prince brought his sword to your shoulders and announced you a knight, one of the highest honors among the abyssal kingdom

“congratulations, you have become a knight and you will fight by my side, do not disappoint me. i trust in your abilities.”

you open your eyes and lift your head to look aether in the eyes, meeting him as he looked down at your kneeling figure

aether felt his heart pang at the sight, you who looked up at him as if he was the world, like you would do anything for him

your eyes glossed and your steady breathing causing your chest to rise up and down, the image was practically burned into his mind as he felt himself warm up within a matter of seconds

you were breathtaking, it was something he always knew but seeing you before him so willingly and effortlessly he found himself enamored with your beauty

“stand” he said firmly

despite his firm tone and professionalism, aether was dying on the inside fighting an army of nerves and trying to ignore the way his cheeks melted like ice cream

you slowly stood, keeping your hand to your chest and eyes in his. though you had no idea what he was going to say next you didn’t seem to care when looking at him, as if he had put you in a trance and made it impossible to look away

“let’s discuss your promotion in private quarters shall we?”

tagged: @aventurinesweetheart @z3nitsusgf @stygianoir

[sirfluffletin]

Forsaken Boyfriend Troupes

Jealous control freak

Two Time, They're not jealous nor possessive of you. They acknowledged that you are your own person with plans, interests, ambitions, etc. They're not a master and you’re not their pet, but Spawn would they try to keep you in their clutches and refuse to let go. You are a gift, for them to cherish and protect. You deserve to make those choices too, even if they disagree with what you pick. Although there is a non-zero chance they will go behind your back anyway and nudge things into its proper direction.

John Doe, has a bit of a possessive streak. It typically shows itself during a bout with the defunct code scrambling his brain or the work of the spectre altering their memories, which usually entails him pulling you away from someone standing too close or throwing another person’s hand off you at it's most harmless and at its worst it comes to blows or even lethal interference. He feels rotten after the fact but at least you're still here, you aren't gone... You're not leaving him.

Serial Cheater

Itrapped, is probably polyamorous, the man has an ego, although for the most part, iTrapped is also a gentleman. He'll let you know what he wants out of your relationship, how long he plans to fancy you, and what to expect from him. Until he becomes neglectful of communication, which can and will lead to more than a few heartbreaks. The icy bitch will not feel sorry either, the most you will get is an half-assed apology text or if you're lucky he'll tell you in person through persed lips and trademark cynism.

Incompetent about anything dealing with children, including their own.

Chance, It's not that he is incompetent- no it's that he lacks spine when it comes to children and he's a firm believer of throwing money at your problems. He'd be really sweet and doting but as soon as the water-works come on he's leaving youband that child's life like expired milk. At least until you get it to calm down.

Total Manchild

Noob

Shedletsky, (to begin, I'd like to say this anecdote was inspired by @just-a-joey 's headcanons on telamons and 1x) Telamon prided himself on being the admin that does whatever, whenever they liked as solitary as a rhinoceros horn as free and turbulent as the weather. I am of the firm belief that Shedletsky also embodies the careless childlike nature found in their counterpart. They abandoned one of their only responsibilities, a product of their creation, and play victim when what they neglected seeks retaliation, whether it was in their hands or not. (Shedletsky is a reincarnation of Telamon in my synapses)

Can't be trusted to do anything guy.

Ringmaster

Guest 666

Mr. Job before family

Builderman, His first love is and will always be his work, He loves you to death don't get him wrong- but he is the boss of Roblox, When all goes to shit, when his admin, moderators, world fails. He has to be the one to go out and fix things. In turn, he will not be home to you for days or weeks, but he always will make time for you.

Noli, he is one of those partners who isn’t around a lot. He’s often wholly consumed by voidstar and spends long days, weeks, rarely months, but it happens while traveling and stealing voidstars like Pokémon cards. He needs to focus. He struggles with prioritizing anything over the voidstar, especially when he’s possessed by the crown. This will be a lifelong struggle for Noli, but it is something he’s willing to make an effort towards correcting and making right when he’s in love.

Elliot, he tries not to make it that way...

The Damsel in Distress

Taph, has a lot of insecurity and defensiveness that come from years of mistreatment and forced self-sufficiency, so he has a very short fuse on his social battery, and self-inflicted isolation comes naturally to them. He wouldn't mean to cut you off or distance you but they need their time and sub-space. Make his plate for him during dinner so he doesn't have to deal with the crowded food table, fix his hood and robes for him so he doesn't look ridiculous in public. Just be his support system, God knows he needs one his coping methods are... Unethical.

Emotionally Unavailable

007n7

Guest 1337

1x1x1x1

Jane Doe

[ddollfface]

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗦𝗶𝗰𝗸!𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘅 𝗮𝗳𝗮𝗯!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

"You should stay up, I wanna keep flirting with ya';)))"

Trigger Warnings: reader is describe as "good girl", yandere behaviors, insinuation of abduction, some unwanted groping (not done by yandere), LoveSick!Athlete is delulu, possessiveness, a shit tone of manipulation, talking about LoveSick!Athlete's childhood (it was bad), bad writing, yandere invalidating reader's rightful anger/emotions. If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Just a yandere alphabet about my favorite boy. If you want more on him, or having any ideas, then send some requests! Or if you want to see a yandere alphabet for any other characters I've written about, then do that too!! (not proofread btw)

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Okay, so I've touched on how LoveSick!Athlete shows their affection, but to expand on it, he is very, very touchy. He's always gotta hand on ya', never letting you further than a few feet away from him. It's not nessarily out of possesivness as he's pretty laid back as a yandere, but it more so comes from a place of wanting to take care of you. Not in a fatherly way! God no, that gross lol, but it's more so in the way of a husband providing for his wife. He wants to take care of you, watch over you, and just show you that he's the best option for you. He knows he's the best, but he's just gotta make sure that you know that too!

Another factor is that he comes from a very, very big family that's very physical with each other. His mother would always greet him with a hug, she still does now! He's the same. He's very touchy with both his friends and his darling. With his friends, he's patting them on the back, ruffling their hair, or wrestling with them. It's the same with his darling. LoveSick!Athlete is naturally playful, so he'll want to playfight with you. He wants to mess around with you! He wants to hold your hand, loop his arms around your shoulders, and pull you close. LoveSick!Athlete just finds the warmth of another person to be comforting, just knowing that your heart's still beating, and your brain's working puts him at ease.

Now, does it get intense? Well, it depends on the person. Say, you're not a very touchy person and you show your love through other means, then yes, it will be. Being with LoveSick!Athlete will be a constant tug-of-war as he'll have a hard time understanding your boundaries of not wanting to be touched. I mean, you're friends, right? Yeah? So then what's the big deal?

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Surprisingly, he won't get too aggressive with others. He's literally the embodiment of 'wear whatever you want, I'm tall and I can fight', no joke. He doesn't care too much what you wear. If anything, he prefers it, seeing as he gets to show you off to all the losers on campus.

If a guy gets too touchy or makes you uncomfortable, then he'll step in and teach the guy a lesson. He's an athlete, so he's strong and capable of fighting someone. Will he kill someone for you? Sure, depends on the situation. LoveSick!Athlete leans more towards mental forms of manipulation than physical violence. He gets enough of that in the rink too much to be bringing that into his relationship. For a brute, it's surprising how level-headed he is, or how he seems to be.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Hmmm, how do we define "abducted"? 'Cause LoveSick!Athlete doesn't techinically kidnap his darling, instead he slowly isolates them from their social circle, gradually becoming their only safety net. It gets to the point where you'll come over to his house and just never leave.

But let's just say we're counting this as abduction (I do lol), then nothing really changes. LoveSick!Athlete treats you the same. He's still touchy, affectionate, happy, and laid back. He's pretty confident in his ability to convince make you stay with him.

LoveSick!Athlete doesn't do mocking, especially not toward his darling that's reserved for the pigs who perv on you. He's a little more forceful with his affections, only if you aren't behaving like a good girl. If you aren't fitting into his ideal view of a relationship, then he won't be too pleased, but he's patient. He can wear you down.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He'll force you into a relationship, into giving him affection, etc. Though you don't really realize this until it's too late. The thing with LoveSick!Athlete is that he's a mass manipulator. Honestly, he should get paid for how good he is at it.

LoveSick!Athlete will trick the people around you into believing that you two are in a relationship, not denying any allegations against you two. He'll brag to his teammates that he's got the sweetest girl in the uni. You'll be confused as hell when a bunch of hockey players are sneaking glances at you from the bench, trying to creep a peek at the Captain's new girl. Though he won't tell you, just stating that people must see the chemistry between the two of us. It must be a sign, yeah? And blah, blah, blah.

He'll whisper some sweet words laced in honey, causing your cheeks to grow warm and hands to become clammy. It's the same with affection. When you're just friends, he'll wrap an arm around your shoulder, intertwine your hands with his, and place a hand on the small of your back. All these actions are too small to think anything of, but they just put you off. I mean, it's nothing to get too worked up over.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bear to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

You see, LoveSick!Athlete does love you, no, really. He does, with all his heart, but that thing is that he's used to wearing a mask. He's constantly playing up the "popular jock" stereotype. He has to be cool and get all the ladies. That's just his 'mask', if you will.

But with you, it feels like he can be real, y'know? Of course, this will take time and will likely only happen after he's abducted you and you've figured out all the shit he's been doing behind your back. Once he feels like he's gotten all the hard stuff out of the way, like the threatening, lying, and more, he'll drop the mask. The persona isn't too far different than the real him. The real him is a lot less cocky, more self-assured, and calm. LoveSick!Athlete, the real him, is far less brash and cheeky, instead, he's more sluggish. He acts more like a smitten fool, feeling secure in his relationship with you. Without the mask, he's just a normal dude who wants all your affection. He doesn't know how to handle this overwhelming sense of need he feels for you, the need to provide for you, protect you, and prove himself to you. And this primal need to feel useful is what drives his yandere tendencies.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Meh, he doesn't care too much. If anything, he finds it amusing. He might tease his darling, but not mock them. He'll try to resolve the situation with a level head, trying to calm you down. He'll use different manipulation tactics like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, playing the victim, and more. It all really depends on what you do, honestly. LoveSick!Athlete is a very patient person, surprisingly, so it'll be difficult to make him overly pissed off. You'd have to do something very, very bad.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Nope, not really. Listen, LoveSick!Athlete wants comfort, he wants you. He wouldn't be pursuing and locking you away providing for you if he didn't see you as a viable partner! That'd be a waste of time, which he doesn't have.

Though, he won't deny that he finds it somewhat amusing when his darling tries to get rid of him. He more so, just wants to know the reasoning behind it, wanting to get in your head. He wants to know how you tick, what makes you think. This way he'll know how to break you down and make you his help you understand his point of view. He also just wants to know who you are.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Hmmm, okay, so this is going to get pretty grim, but reader's worst moment with LoveSick!Athlete would be when he let his teammates rough 'em up. You both had just gotten into an argument, something about you're relationship. Let's just say that you may have claimed screamed that you didn't need him. That you were fine on your own, that maybe, just maybe, you're friendship or relationship, in his eyes, was holding you back, and you may need to see different people.

Obviously, LoveSick!Athlete wasn't pleased with this, but he'd make you stand by your word. You think you don't need him? Okay, fine then. Try it.

And that's what he does. When his teammates, around three of them, begin to crowd you, their hands getting a little grabby, and eyes layered in lust. He doesn't do anything, I mean. Afterall, you don't need him, right? You don't need his protection, yeah? You're a big girl. Act like it then.

He watched as his buddies fondled you, touching you in places only he had. Your eyes flooded with tears, blurring your vision. You called out to him, begging him, wanting him to help you. You confessed, you needed him.

He made you repeat yourself, wanting you say it again. You do. That's all you had to do. Really, it was pretty simple. You need him.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Well, LoveSick!Athlete is a college student, so he's not thinking too far ahead. But he does know that he loves you. He wants you. He wants to be with you for the rest of his life. He wants to get a good job, not in athletics. He's good, obviously, but he knows that it's stupid to grasp at straws, so he's pursuing a program that'll help him get his associate degree.

He doesn't know if he wants kids, yet, but he won't deny that the idea of a mini him and you running around is a nice thought. But you're young. You've got time. Nothin' to rush, yeah?

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

I've already written about this in another post, soooo refer to it right here.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

I'm pretty sure that I've already gone over this in the previous letters, but I can kinda expand on it ig.

LoveSick!Athlete likes to show you off. You're his girl, his ride-ordie, y'know? He's proud of you and your accomplishments. He'll rave to anyone who'll listen, going on and on about your recent successes and such. He'll tell a random cashier about you, proceeding to get yelled at by the old lady behind him. In total, he's a lovesick puppy.

He's clingy but confident at the same time. He has to be touching you at all times, seeing it as his way of showing affection. He buys you things, you sucks up to you, and more. He's the definition of a simp, but he's more laid back. He's not necessarily in your face as he has a chill vibe to him, if that makes sense lol.

Idk really what else to say on that so yeah :)

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He'll drive off any competition, scaring them off with his broad shoulders, and lean muscles. However, he doesn't really need to scare others off as most people get the hint 'cause he never stops talking about you.

Anyway, he'll force you to study with him, pretending to be stupid so that you'll take pity on him. This way he'll get you talking, wanting to listen to you just speaking. From there he'll ask you out to coffee.

Or he'll suddenly interject himself into your friend group, but no one will question it as he's too smooth. LoveSick!Athlete is very charismatic and a lot of people like him, so they wouldn't think much of it.

Overall, he'll listen to his darling, absorbing everything they say like a sponge. He'll try to see you often, this way you'll be absentmindedly thinking of him. He might even convince some of his buddies to talk about him to you, hyping him up and such. If you have any siblings, then he'll become buddy-buddy with them, especially if they're younger than you both. (He's good with kids btw).

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Literally, talked about this exact thing in letter E lol

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

LoveSick!Athlete doesn't really do punishments, y'know? It's mostly taking away privileges that you've given previously. For example, you'll have your favorite food taken out of the pantry, forcing you to eat oatmeal or something idk. Maybe, he'll take away your phone, make you do a shit tone of push-ups or something like that. The majority of the punishments he does are just inconvenient, nothing too scary.

But that's just for minor things. You try to run away or something, but there are certain things that make him "snap" if you will. Things like hurting yourself, trying to kill him, and insulting how well/well he takes care of you. Like the situation I described in letter H, if you insult it capabilities of providing and taking care of you, then he will spiral. And that won't be fun...

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Nope, out of all my OCS, I would say that LoveSick!Athlete is the most laid back. He doesn't care for too many things. Honestly, he's probably the best yandere to have if you're a brat. He'll humor you instead of squashing you, even though he could easily do so.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

I've already gone over this multiple times throughout this post. Lovesick!Athlete has the patience of an angel, which is surprising due to how aggressive he is in the rink.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

No, God no, he'll shut himself out. He'd likely quit his sport and never play away. He wouldn't be able to enter a rink again, there's no way. If you were to somehow die, then he'd fall into a manic depression, all of his patience wearing away slowly. He wouldn't know what to do with himself. When you were with him, he knew what he wanted in life. He had a picture of you and him, together with a little boy. The baby would've had your eye shape and his hair, dark curls. His whole life was there, just right there in his reach.

But say you were to successfully escape, he'd immediately going to try to find you. He knows that you wouldn't be able to go to the police, he's not stupid. He knows how to cover his steps, besides, he's a master manipulator. He's probably ruined your mental fortitude and he can do the same to the cops.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No, not really. He doesn't believe that he abducted you, instead, he thinks that he just convinced you. That he just led you down the right path, to him. Everything does is fueled by his love for you, all he wants to do is be happy with you. That's all.

Sometimes he'll feel a little remorseful if his darling begins to close themselves up and lock him out (metaphorically), but he doesn't process the abduction as being the reasoning for the behavior. He just thinks that you're going through something, there's no way that he could be the problem, right?

He does feel bad, as he does have feelings, but he just doesn't associate your negative reactions/emotions with his actions.

And, about letting his darling go, no he wouldn't. He doesn't think he's holding them hostage in the first place! He just believes that he's keeping the relationship thriving. He doesn't think that your relationship is toxic (despite the constant gaslighting he puts you through), so he just wants to mend your relationship. I mean, just talk to him, there's no reason to be so rash!

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Let's just say that LoveSick!Athlete didn't have a father in the home, causing him to drift away from his family and spiral (at certain times). He never grew up in the most stable home, money was tight, and his mama was exhausted, having to care for four kids and all. And seeing his mama struggle so much caused him to want to be a provider, someone his loved ones could call for help. He wants to be the breadwinner, the person keeping you safe (both physical and monetarily).

The only problem is that he...well... doesn't really know what a healthy relationship looks like, seeing as his mama was never in one. Before his pa left (when he was two), he would beat his mama and siblings. Though LoveSick!Athlete doesn't really remember, as was just a babe at the time, y'know?

After that, his mama never stayed in one relationship for very long, besides him mama also wasn't the most stable person. She had BPD (Bipolar disorder), so she'd always have high highs and low low, never staying emotionally stable. Though LoveSick!Athlete doesn't have BPD, he did inherit some of his mama's habits, from watching her maneuver in her relationships.

Her habits imprinted on him, and let's just say that they weren't the healthiest thing in the world. This is where he got his good manipulation skills. At this point in his life, LoveSick!Athlete absentmindingly will use manipulation to get what he wants. Love bombing and gaslighting seem to be his main tactics he uses on others. (if people want to know more, then I'm totally open to an in-depth of his crappy childhood)

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Refer to letter R for this)))

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere

Noun. yandere (plural yanderes) (chiefly Japanese fiction) A character, usually a girl, who has an obsessive and possessive side in regards to their crush, ready to use violent and murderous means to maintain an exclusive bond. This is what google defines as a yandere and I'm going to use this as my basis for this question. Now, LoveSick!Athlete differs from this definition in the last part. He doesn't really resort to violent or murderous tendencies, instead using his manipulation skills to keep you close.

He doesn't feel the need to get violent, seeing as he's the best (in his mind). Don't get me wrong, he will if he needs to, but usually not.

I suppose that's something makes him different. Another thing is that he's very, very lenient with his darling, never putting too many boundaries on their shoulders. In his mind, he's in a normal relationship with you, meaning he doesn't need to act super crazy. Though he won't hesitate to take this privileges away from you, so just behave like a good girl, yeah?

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

The fact that he let's you go out into put freely or, more so, how many privileges you get. It's really easy to escape, no joke. But the only problem is that he has connections. Though he's only in college, and he's young, he has a lot of connections through his athletic scholarship and such. He knows a lot of people, due to his charisma (or rizz lol) and they're all under his thumb.

So it's easy to get out, but staying out is the hard part 'cause he'll hunt you like a dog on a misson.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Maybe he'll grip you too tight or give ya' a little spanking (if you know what I mean pffttt), but he'd never lay a hand on you. He wouldn't cut you, stab you, or anything like that. Nope. He watched his mama get hurt far too many times.

He just wants to be your protector, not your abuser. Though he can get a little out of hand. If you were to ever accuse him, or just plainly call his a woman beater, abuser, etc. etc. then he'll go a little... crazy?

He wants to feel needed, loved, and cared for, so if you start going on about how you don't need him, then he may be a tiny bit mad. Situations like the ones I talked about in letter H will happen far more often if you take this sentiment.

If you don't realize that you need him, then he might need to make you realize it. Of course, he won't be touching you so violently, but that doesn't mean he won't get someone else to do it for him.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He doesn't worship his darling, but he does respect you. He sees you as his equal. If he didn't, then he wouldn't even be pursuing you. He wouldn't be spending so much time tyring to get with, going through all the work to infiltrate your life, and make you notice him. He doesn't have time for that, but he's making time just. for. you.

Now, how far would he go for you? I don't think he'd murder someone, he'd just rough them up, make them know their place. He doesn't really do violence, preferring public humiliation and underhanded tactics. He'll threaten people, blackmail them, and just plain gaslight them. He won't go any farther than that, unless he's provoked I suppose. Like if it's a dire situation where you, or him, need defending, then he's more than capable of putting a guy six feet under.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

As long as it takes, baby. He's young, you're young, you're both young. You guys have time to waste, time to life and such. You're both in college, so he thinks that he's got time to convince you, to reel you into his arms.

I've said this previously, but he's very patient. He's willing to wait if it's for you. But something that would make him snap is if you try to move away, though this won't push him to kidnap your necessarily, it'll just put him on edge. He'll begin to be more forward with his advances if this were to happen.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Accidently? Maybe. Purposefully? God, no. I'm even skeptical about the accident part, I don't think he can break you. He's far to calm and gentle of a yandere to break his darling.

You'd have to get him really, really mad for something drastic to happen. Even then, compared to other yanderes, it's not even that bad. Or that's what he tells you at least.

[eldritch-spouse]

Kalymir and tactition reader? Sort of a brains and brawn situation?

[I enjoy this. "Big dumb villain and their smart assistant that's not paid enough"-core.]

He starts pacing around the table, always does, when something you say isn't to his liking.

" DON'T FUCK ME! "

Fortunately, you were hired to be the brains to his muscle, not to glaze his metaphorical balls.

" M'lord I'm fairly certain I couldn't even if I tired. " You eye him up and down, silently asking if he's done with his bitchfit. " Nonetheless, I believe this is no time to be aggressive. You'd do well to send scouts- "

" SCOUTS?! " He snarls at the top of his rather annoyingly large lungs. Some kind of battle axe flies over your head, decapitating baby hairs. You barely blink as it embeds itself into the wall behind you. " THIS IS BARELY A PROPER SETTLEMENT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS PIECE OF SHIT RESISTANCE POCKET- "

The King stomps forward on mighty talons, nearly swiping your pondering orb away as he gestures toward it with a fury of such might that it makes the muscles in his arms swell.

" LOOK AT THESE INSECTS! "

" Precisely. "

The demonlord looks as if his honest desire is to cut your back open and slurp the spinal cord out. Yet, in the midst of the anger constantly frying his nerve endings, is a tungsten carbide core of minimal intelligence that reminds him eviscerating you is a most terrible idea.

" EXPLAIN THEN, YOU MOUTHY CUNT. "

" I've been trying to do so this entire time. "

" THE FUCKING NERVE Y- "

" This resistance pocket- " You start, snapping your fingers repeatedly as if trying to garner a large dog's attention. " Is mixed and dangerous, m'lord. "

Although Kalymir is visibly fuming, he does listen.

You scroll through the field of view offered by the hidden summoned aid currently hiding in tall trees. It provides a top-down map feed of the location Kalymir's latest headache has been operating from. Currently, at least. People buzz from one side to another, not many in numbers but extremely well-organized and efficient, almost as if controlled by something.

" Notice there are more than just wrathful demons in the midst, this group employs humans and monsters, especially the less social of the bunch. The kind of monster you'd find hiding in darkened places, isolated but by no means uneducated. To gain the alliance of these monsters, one would need a surprising sense of- "

" I'M FUCKING SNOOZING HERE... "

Sometimes, you're the one that wants to maul him.

There's a tired sigh.

" Harmonious diversity equals no-no. "

Pause.

" I'M NOT A BABY, YOU SURFACE WHORE. "

" Putting that aside, I'm sure you've noticed by now, that they brandish weapons of ancient times. The very things that allowed the initial group to leave the Rings unscathed despite being hunted, not just in Wrath but in the territory of all the Lords you've made agreements with. "

" CELESTIAL WEAPONRY. " The warlord sneers, thoughtful.

" Yes. "

Kalymir shakes his head.

" YOU CAN'T TELL ME THEY'RE ALLIED TO ANGELS! MOST ARE DEMONS, YOU CAN'T BRIBE ANGELS INTO HANDING THEIR TOOLS OVER- " He slams both fists onto the worn and dented table, making your chair jump. " THEY'RE HARDLY EVEN SEEN. AND LIKE FUCKING HELL THESE PARASITES CAN KILL ONE! "

A smug smile tugs your lips. " But, my King, they don't need to be allied to angels to have those. "

Kalymir makes a rare effort to calm down, sharpened claws tapping at the same table. You can hear a heavy-tipped tail swing, the woosh mildly distracting.

" SPEAK! "

" The archives. "

You can hear the gears melting in his cranium.

" THE ARCHIVES... " He stands, mighty body straight as he beings putting two and two together. " THE ARCHIVES! "

You nod, arms crossing.

Not just any archives, the Royal Archives of Wrath, containing a litany of detailed instructions in old Infernal about how to dispatch different types of celestials. The same archives that guarded weapons of Eden stolen from perished angels, weapons that destroyed the limbs of the brave demons who managed to retrieve them, whose core names and sigils have been carved into the cases holding these artifacts. Those are the only celestial weapons left behind, as far as anyone knows. The type of material prize a lord of Wrath would die protecting.

" NO! " He barks once he realizes the first possibility that statement implies.

" Yes, my King. "

" NO ONE COULD HAVE BROKEN IN, YOU SNOT-BRAINED ANKLE BITER! "

Hm, that one's new.

He's right, no one could have broken in, he knows you know this, and the fact that you always seem one little step ahead of him is both infuriating to the King but also exciting.

" Correct. "

" THEN- "

" Who has access to the Royal Archives of Wrath? "

" I DO! I'M THE KING- "

" And who had access? "

As soon as you ask that, he falls eerily silent, pacing again, this time to the opposite display of weapons, subconsciously studying them as he thinks.

" IMPOSSIBLE. "

You recline on the chair, eyes closing. " Is it? "

" I BUTCHERED HIM! I HUMILIATED HIM. HIS VERY SKULL SITS ABOVE MY THRONE OF VICTORIES! "

" His offspring, my King. His descendants. " As far as you know, they were only juveniles when Kalymir murdered their father.

" ONE DIED IN THE CRUCIBLE... "

" The other...? "

Kalymir doesn't answer, he doesn't know. And neither did you, not until very recently.

You don't need to spell the implications out this time, he gets there on his own two synapses.

" YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. " The demonlord bristles, not because he finds the suggestion ridiculous, but likely because it's going to make things a lot more interesting.

" But I am. He can't show his face, it'd be too risky, but some dissenting demons still recognize and have followed him to the surface. He then seeks the help of monsters living in the margins of societies or straight up outside of them, safer options to utilize holy weapons. And not just that, these monsters muddle our understanding of the resistance's origins and goals, adding humans to the mix just makes it all more confusing. Many of the non-demonic members are likely under contractual obligation to do this too, I'd reckon. "

The King is silent.

" Think about it. You lost track of them a long time ago. This prince-to-be witnessed the death of his father, his brother, his mother has likely died of old age. He has nothing. Nothing but a sweltering desire to dethrone you. This is his doing. "

A cruel glint settles in your eyes, belying that there is room for your frigid coldness in the boiling Ring.

" Unfortunately, he must have been too young to properly absorb his father's teachings, because this is amateurish at best. A little bit of care and thought is all you need to nip his budding plans, m'lord. "

The King smiles, drags a hand down his face, chest heaving faster as a very thunderous bark of raucous laughter shakes the entire fortress. The clapping of meaty red hands accentuates how wolfishly delighted he is.

" YOU GLORIOUS, ROTTEN WENCH! HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN THIS?! "

Yes, really, how did he not see this a mile away? He should have figured it out before you, you actually had to do research concerning the past ruler of Wrath.

Kalymir damn near sprints towards you, reaching over the table to grab you up by the collar of your outfit.

" LEAD ME TO HIM, STRATEGIST. TELL ME HOW TO GET MY HANDS ON THE WORTHLES TWERP. I WILL WEAR HIS BROTHER'S SKIN. "

" Of course, my King. I will lead you to victory as always. "

" GOOD. GOOD LITTLE HUMAN. "

You're dropped back down unceremoniously, feeling a creak in your hip but remaining composed. Kalymir is clearly getting overly excited over the whole deal, you can tell he'll be obsessing over it from now on.

" WE WILL MAKE A NEW CHANDELIER OF HIS BONES. "

Satisfied, there's a pep to the demonlord's step as he makes to leave, opening the great doors to his hall.

" AND ONCE THIS IS OVER, YOU- "

" YOU WILL SIT BESIDE ME AS QUEEN. "

[ceilidho]

childhood frenemy soap who torments you all throughout primary and secondary school.. when he joins the military, you get a good few years of peace and almost forget he exists till one day you bump into him. hes grown a lot.. physically and emotionally. he recognizes you immediately, apologizing for how he acted whej he was younger. he seems genuine enough so you give him another chance.. but all the sweetness is just cover. he was just waiting for you to get comfortable with him before going right back to his old ways. but its not just school level bullying now, its emotional manipulation, its gaslighting, its isolation, and its love bombing.. sorry ive just got brain worms abt shit stain soap

No, you’re literally Cassandra and everyone telling you that you’re wrong just doesn’t understand!!!!! You get it!!! He grew up pulling your hair and slapping the books out of your hands in the halls at school and commenting mean things on your social media when you were in high school together and then years later he’s soooooo much hotter and bigger from growth spurt + training in the military, and he grovels until make you forgive him :((( but that’s just until you let guard down :((

everything he did in high school was just a cover for wanting to fuck you btw he was just wayyyy too immature to express that (this does not excuse his behaviour at all, Johnny is just a grade A asshole and he’s still into you like a decade later). Too bad for you the psycho who had a crush on you in HS and bullied you grew up hot and strong :\\

[zimt-deathnote]

You asked for it, and here it is, Near scenario:

You mentioned a while ago that you imagined at some point Mello just lost it and injured Near seriously.

The fight is followed by a meltdown, a bad one like he hadn’t had in years. Near shuts himself in his room after receiving medical attention, his roommate his only contact with the outside.

He had gotten better at controlling his emotions and reactions since he got to Wammy’s, his self esteem had gotten slightly better since so many failures in public school. But losing it completely in front of all of his classmates, like some baby who can’t stand up for himself, is incredibly humiliating. He’s not angry at Mello. Not that he likes what happened, at all. Still, no matter how supportive his family is, how well Wammy’s taking care of him and helping him, he can’t help blaming himself every time he has an outburst.

Since the staff can’t manage to get him out, after two days they decide to call the family. He doesn’t want to speak to them. Not another failure, not after his parents had found some hope that he might manage on his own.

The day next, his sister comes. She comes into the room, Near’s roommate politely excuses himself.

Near’s in his corner/laboratory on the ground, keeping his hands and eyes busy by dismantling some toy robot. His face is all purple and bandaged.

After a while, his sister gets him to talk to her.

S (for sister, can’t remember her name): so, who do I have to kill? What happened?

N: Don’t be silly, if you want to commit a murder I should remind you that a school full of future detectives isn’t really the ideal place. Unless you want to become our new assignment of the week. You would make the children really happy though.

She asks if he wants to come back home, he refuses. It takes him a lot of effort to convince her that he was not being bullied, and that this was a very isolated accident. Yet, she insists on wanting to know what’s going on.

It’s afternoon, and yet the orange light does not come through the window in the isolated room that was picked just for his needs, sealing him away from his classmates.

Near shares his consternation at having been unable to read the situation before it escalated, and his shame for the meltdown in front of everyone. Of course he knows that it’s mostly Mello’s fault for beating him, but he also knows that if he wants to become a good detective he’ll have to know how to recognise a violent reaction when it’s arriving, or he’ll never be independent.

She smiles.

“Nate-“

“Don’t call me that, you can’t do it here.”

“Nate, when will you get it into that huge brain of yours that nobody ever is actually fully able to function on their own? All of us got blindspots, but not many are so aware of where they are, and not so many would be such sticklers in trying to make up for them. You are doing your best. That’s more than many people can say to do.”

N: “….I’ll admit I haven’t seen much improvement in Mello’s anger issues lately”

S: “haha definitely not, by the way where can I find him? Mom ordered me to-“

N: “whatever it is, please don’t.”

Near is not completely alone in his dark room for that evening.

That’s the gist of the scene. Hope it can be inspiring.

Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

I had this in my inbox for so long now cause I wanted to write that incident out better first but I couldn't get around to do it yet </3

But this here, this is the good shit ☝️ Thank you so so so much for this absolutely lovely scene, Anon 🤍

Sister's name is Alison btw!

----- My other socials Commission Info Let's drink some Ko-Fi! 🍵

[hrizantemy]

Hiii! First of all, your Nesta and Taryn fics, *chef kiss* they have easily become my new favorite acotar ship, no one is topping them. Your writing is seriously good.

Second, how do you feel about SJM's treatment of the Illyrian's? Honestly what irks me the most is the treatment of Illyrian children. At the age of eight, boys are thrown into the camps to be abused and tortured into becoming soldiers, while girls have their wings clipped and are forced to do manual labor. It's honestly so disgusting and the fact there has never been a single instance where someone called out this shit makes it ten times worse.

Also I don't know if this is ever clarified in the books but are the Illyrian's allowed to leave the camps? Like, can they go to Velaris and do anything other then train and fight all day or is it like Hewn City and their forbidden to leave the camps and have to stay up in the freezing mountains for eternity?

First of all—THANK YOU!! Nesta and Taryn have completely taken over my brain, and I’m so happy you love them too! They just work in a way that’s so satisfying, and I will never stop writing for them.

Now, about the Illyrians—ohhh, do not get me started. Actually, no, do get me started.

SJM’s treatment of the Illyrians is genuinely one of the most infuriating and neglected aspects of the entire series. The sheer level of systemic abuse, especially toward children, is horrifying. Like, I don’t care how “brutal” their culture is supposed to be—this is torture.

• Eight-year-old boys being thrown into war camps to be beaten, starved, and brutalized until they’re “strong enough” to survive?

• Girls having their wings permanently destroyed at the same age, ensuring they will never fly and will be treated as lesser beings for their entire lives?

• Generations upon generations of this happening, and yet it’s still not considered an emergency by the Night Court’s leadership?

How has no one explicitly said, “Hey, maybe we should shut down these camps, create an actual education system, and give these kids a chance at a normal life”??

And the fact that no one even calls it out—not even as a side comment—is mind-blowing. This is literally a world where people can be magically compelled to obey, and yet Rhysand, the so-called “progressive” High Lord, has never once considered forcing Illyrian males to stop maiming their daughters?

As for whether they can leave— that’s so unclear, and it drives me insane. From what I can tell, Illyrians aren’t technically forbidden from leaving, but there are huge cultural and social barriers that make it almost impossible.

• We never see Illyrians freely moving between the war camps and Velaris, which suggests that they’re isolated on purpose.

• Rhysand clearly doesn’t encourage Illyrians to integrate with the rest of the Night Court. He lets Cassian throw up a few weak reforms but never makes real systemic changes.

• The whole “you have to earn your way into the ranks” thing implies that Illyrians are expected to stay in the camps unless they prove themselves strong enough to be soldiers. Meaning, if you’re just some random Illyrian who doesn’t want to fight, what the hell do you even do?

It honestly does feel like a Hewn City situation where there’s an unspoken rule keeping Illyrians in the mountains—not by law, but by cultural pressure, economic barriers, and neglect.

The Night Court uses Illyrians for their armies but doesn’t want them living among them in Velaris. And that right there? That’s oppression.

Like, there’s no evidence that Illyrians freely travel to Velaris for trade, work, or even leisure. The only time we ever see Illyrians in Velaris is when Rhys and Co. specifically invite them. And let’s be real—if Illyrians were just casually existing in Velaris, we would’ve heard about it.

Which really makes it feel like there’s an unspoken rule:

• Illyrians are good enough to fight and die for the Night Court.

• Illyrians are not good enough to be treated as equals by its leadership.

It’s almost like they’re being contained—not officially, not by law, but by systemic neglect and the lack of real opportunities. They’re stuck in a cycle where the only way to escape is to become a High Lord’s lapdog, like Cassian and Azriel, which is just another form of control.

And that’s the real kicker—Rhysand has no problem benefiting from Illyrian strength, but he has done nothing to help them beyond surface-level “reforms” that haven’t changed anything.

[limeade-l3sbian]

Any advice for "returning back to society" ?

Please don't make fun of me but I escaped an abusive household like right before covid started so I was pretty much isolated from the population for 2 years then the following year, we still had online uni.

I'm In a different country now and this is my second year here I feel like I lost that ability to talk to people in a sense. I feel like everyone hates me and I always had a problem understanding social cues. This week I went to my schools library, had a chat with a librarian there about a book I borrowed, it was nice, i didnt feel scared.

But idk how to make progress, idk how to talk casually and "nonchalantly" with my professors for example.

Firstly, would never make fun of you and if anyone does, promptly pop them in the fucking mouth. Secondly, very happy and proud of you for surviving and escaping. 💜

As frustrating at this advice might be, I would suggest giving yourself some grace. You're coming out of some very traumatic experiences and trying to immediately fit right back in with people as if nothing happened. Your brain is still likely on high alert and questioning everything and everyone to avoid going back to what you've escaped.

Start small! Let yourself be a little awkward. Just like how your brain adapted to survive, you'll pick up the bare essentials for conversation again. You said you've never been great at social cues? That's okay! I can understand wanting to be better about it but definitely don't beat yourself up about it.

Any decent person isn't going to give you shit for not being the best social butterfly that ever was.

[sharkiegorath]

Saw a post like “Moral OCD is a new buzzword, I'm putting it on the shelf”. I can believe it's getting bastardized online, but I absolutely do have it. And so do many people I've met. So I'd like to keep talking about it, actually. Actually I don't think psychiatric terminology is automatically a 'buzzword' just because some teens in your phone misuse it. If you see me reblogging posts or mentioning scrupulosity, it's based on experience and a psychiatric OCD diagnosis since I was 14, though with the shit I've done since I was little, it's weird to think that I'd even need a diagnosis to be taken seriously. Like a 5 year old preoccupied with the terror of God and Evil probably does have some condition. Maybe.

Guilt and doubt are normal. Self-reflection and Repeatedly Thinking About One Topic are normal. Constant, nervous system-taxing, physically-felt guilt and dread over things you personally cannot change is not normal. It's not healthy or virtuous. Spending upwards of 6 hours a day browsing subreddits and forum threads trying to find evidence that any remotely public figure you’re remotely fond of might secretly be an abuser is not normal. Doomscrolling the blogs of strangers you dislike in order to intentionally upset yourself and block their fans because 'idk you gotta' is not normal. And I truly think things like gossip/snark/expose subreddits and drama channels contribute to triggering OCD en masse under the guise of knowledge. They're providing 'bad information' people can't actually change, and incentivizing rumination through shallow connection or money. Fifteen years of social media, especially young-leftist-dechurched-abuse-survivors-vent-blogs-meets-fandom-meets-horrific-news social media, has impacted the way I process information, and doesn’t actually motivate or inform anything positive or productive I do, besides giving me a reason to avoid the digital torment nexus.

My brain gets stuck telling me the same thing about something I know I know or believe. I checked my notes from July to November last year and was surprised by how coherent I sounded, because it felt so horrible at the time, like my brain was running on a hamster wheel covered in spikes. In real life I was 'high-functioning'. But the same topics did keep popping up with different wording, and I'm still exhausted six months later. Last year's...episode?? I guess?? was triggered by learning about several separate cases of violent abuse while I was already stressed, including some family history. I lost hours adding up to days, possibly weeks, over these things, processing them and trying to protect or steel myself for 'more'. It didn't help anyone. I didn't learn anything from the mental compulsions except the benefits of isolating myself. I couldn't do the things I actually wanted to do, and I struggled more than usual with sleep and exercise. “Is your moral OCD even real?? Liberal guilt Tiktok idiot. Lmao” is such a hilarious recursive problem to introduce to a fragile mental ecosystem. Thanks. Hope this helps 

[hexcata]

that au I wrote about leafpool using mugwort to induce miscarriage and unmake the prophecy has created a whole alternate universe in my brain and I need to like sit down, organize my thoughts and write this. which is crazy because I'm not really a person that does AUs.

fic ideas context: the original story is standalone and grounded in the mundane. the material world and leafpool's isolation. however- 1) fallen leaves perspective as a companion piece, introducing fallen leaves and the liminal space of the tunnels as an otherworldly purgatory - an underworld with fallen leaves as charon or anubis. where leafpool sees her kits as stillborn, fallen leaves sees the kits as liminal - changing, shifting - forms from kit, apprentice, to adult - echoes of their canon timelines. 2) this introduces the idea that while in the original AU she "unmade a prophecy", it wasn't exactly that. the prophecy exists. it just shifted. she, unwittingly, became a mother of gods - who I will be referring as the stillborn three. and as the kin of your kin prophecy says, they have the powers of the stars in their paws, greater than starclan. leafpool unmade unborn/stillborn kits who were supposed to be demigods and in unmaking them they became deities themselves - able to exist between domains cats of the dark forest/starclan/fallen leaves are not privy to. 3) leafpool, mother of gods, as a creator and destroyer but also entirely mundane. 4) the three stillborn gods still have their powers: jayfeather is the god of dreams. still a cynic, intrusive and lacking boundaries. lion still has powerful polydactyl paws and he's the only one that's able to breach the liminal purgatory of the tunnels because he's a deity of strength. and then holly - who was never part of the three - is now my hag goddess. a deity of bitching (affectionate) or righteous fury and unseen venomous truths brought to light. 5) the three are gods without followers. without purpose. fallen leaves is less a father and more of a lonely, socially awkward steward who now has to wrangle three restless kits that don't know what life is. 6) the three are chaotic and sometimes cruel because they never lived and they don't have the understanding to grasp social nuances because they lack mortality. but their domain is the tunnels as a womb-tomb - which means kits on the threshold of life hear them as well as warriors, the sick, or elders close to the threshold of death. 7) finally, imagine a satirical small gods like journey ala om the forgotten turtle god, but it's hollyleaf trying to wrangle her aimless brothers into getting power and followers. but she only gets ivypool who comes to visit the tunnels to bitch about dovewing. ivypool as a cleric of bitching (still affectionate). and dovewing as a poor remnant cat that is left with sensory overload because the stillborn deities are always pulling her into their domain and she didn't ask for that! 8) mothwing fic where both she-cats discuss agnosticism/atheism, choice/agency, and discuss the uses of mugwort as an abortifacient - but the original au still stands on its own. but idk i wanna write some gay she-cat solidarity. this would take place before and would inform leafpool's original choice to induce miscarriage. 9) almost forgot: crows in the dark. an exploration and meditation on crowfeather's grief as a father. the stillborn gods comfort him when he seeks solace in the tunnels and finds kit bones instead. this urges him to remember he has a living family in the present, and move on from the fleeting love he has for leafpool. they will always love each other, but she made a choice, and crowfeather's neglect is not fair to nightcloud and breezepelt. so he realizes he has to live for the present. ok if you read all that that's my mythic warrior cats au about unmaking the power of three. also like none of this shit centers moralistic themes, it's character and narrative driven and deals with social politics and tensions, but all these characters are complex in motivations and i, as an author, am nonjudgmental observer first. also all my female characters are bitchy, bc i'm a bitch.

[kutyaharapas]

saw you in the notes and I’m wondering if I could ask a lil bit about what finding out you’re not actually autistic was like for you?

OH SHIT YEAH my bad im answering this kind of late, i dont check my inbox a lot (since basically no one follows this account)

Im unsure if youre asking about the process or the emotional part of it, so ill elaborate on both <3

I thought i was autistic for a long while, because I'm generally socially awkward, have trouble holding conversations (i often have zilch in my brain. nothing at all. and you cant really build on that if you want to make friends) and I relate to the "feeling generally unhuman" aspect of it as a whole, i have low empathy, i feel flat emotionally, and i get overstimulated by the wrong textures etc. and i experience hyperfixations due to adhd. i had my most socially awkward moments when someone cried in front of me (that i considered a friend, not a stranger) and i had to be like 👍that. sucks ? and i had to be given instructions how to comfort her, because i had no idea how.

but it basically stops there and doesnt go further. i dont experience special interests, or melt-downs/shutdowns when something overstimulates me, i have a normal tone that i speak with (im just quiet), and it does not interfere with my life in a way autism normally would

what made me realize that im very likely not autistic is just. spending time with autistic ppl, friends or acquaintances both and how they described their experiences and i realized it doesnt quite align with what i experience, especially with social aspects bc i personally do not get tired when i have to socialize, and my downtime is very very short. and what i thought was introversion/autism was more just the social failures accumulating and making me withdraw rather than a need to back away and recharge. its a bit hard to explain! maybe in short itd be like, their experiences was something that impacted their everything, their self, their entire life, while what i went through/go through is relatively "smaller" in comparison

and the other thing that made me realize it is just socializing more in general. i was very very lonely and a shut-in when i was around 20 (though i did try to change this, i just had a past of failing socially basically all my life so i did not have the confidence to put myself out there again) but i got lucky when i got into university and had my first steady friend group, one ive never had before. and while i definitely feel that difference and feel they have something figured out that i dont, i think it is way more likely that it is the years of isolation and social weirdness i was used to that i finally got a chance to slowly reinvent. it is not quite there yet, but i changed a lot and i changed rapidly when it happened and i had that moment of "oh shit im not autistic im just weird as hell" around that point.

emotionally it was kind of, bad tbh. bc ive been chasing a label all my life that will finally make me feel a bit more connected to other people, something thatll explain what is exactly so different about me that i just cant be like every other person, even if its just by a sense of belonging to the same "box". so it did send me back on the path of finding out where exactly i belong to and the uncertainty of it is honestly not super fun, but it is what it is. and like.

hope this answers ur question!! if not my bad & i can elaborate on it more <3

[kevotsuka]

I want to hear more pregnant Bezz thoughts of yours. What's his pregnancy like? Cravings? Illness? What does he do most of the time? You mentioned he isolated himself, does he get sad when lonely? Does Pecco visit him and help him with stuff? Does Bezz attempt to remember who the father could be and contact him? How does Bezz feel isolating himself when he's usually a very social person? Any preg!bezz thoughts you have, I love your cute au 🩵🩵

ANON I'm sorry I'm so late but my head has lately decided go to a writing strike HSHSHSHS but I've been listening to Alejandra Guzman, Cristina Aguilera and RBD in loop and now I'm better

You have very VERY important questions.  Preg! Bezz has been spinning like a piece of spicy chicken in my brain and im go and talking to a bunch of moms to project my man into their problems wuwuwu

This answer is going to be too long and a mess, I'm so sorry orz orz orz

(and each pregnancy is completely unique. What is normal for one person may be a sign of absolute danger for another. Always remember to go to your trusted gynecologist/obstetrician!)

1. What's his pregnancy like? Cravings? Illness?

He craves Japanese food but is banned from sushi!  He is an unhappy Bezz when people told him that sushi is dangerous for the baby.  Beyond that, he doesn't really have food cravings, he just eats a lot (and then throws up because he feels guilty for eating so much. He has more problems with food than cravings. TCA/Eating Disorder Bezz is very personal to me- but it's going to therapy and continuing with a new nutritionist!)

About symptoms.  At first he thinks it's an asymptomatic pregnancy, and it's more like the pregnancy is camouflaging itself.

Like. He's throwing up his guts, but he think “its relates it to the end of the season and the stress causes that in him” (even though he's no longer in line for the championship) (and he's never thrown up from stress before).  He then feels fatigued and can't sleep, but that's all because he travels a lot, jet lag and all that.  He misses his dog and cries looking at his photos. He has belly cramps, but it's probably something he ate in the paddock when he had a sudden aversion to the smell of chicken and he couldn't eat anything from the hospitality.

On top of that, his painkillers are kicking him between physical therapy.

When the season ends and his body has a chance to catch up, all the symptoms hit him like a truck. Headaches, heartburn, constipation and generally the desire to die to end the torment of him. He is also bloated…? and feels like shit. The bug is charging for every fall he had at the end of the season, or at least that's what Bezz thinks as he gets up for the second time in the night to urinate at the end of the second trimester or when he has to drink his calcium-fortified milk -very expensive and he hates the taste-.  The bug is really demanding with they needs!

2. What does he do most of the time? You mentioned he isolated himself, does he get sad when lonely?

I said “practically vanished from the face of the earth.”  He wasn't really alone, he is a family man, and of course he returned to his childhood home!  His older sister was very happy for him!  (The youngest offered him a rue tea as soon as he mentioned that he are pregnant, before Marco clarified that he was going to keep it- wait “Laura, how do you know that these are abortifacients?” “Oh Marco, don't ask questions for which you don't want answers.")

 (i'm sorry i love his sisters so much hshshs)

But yeah, he feels so lonely because he went from spending almost all the time with his team or the people at the ranch, not just the other riders, and now is just his family and his new “medical crew” (obstetrician, psychologist, nutritionist).

Also, He is an unemployed man!  At least until Valentino calls him and tells him he has something for him to do at the academy (like Migno, lol)

He can't help in the mechanical workshop (although now that Vito goes to the races with him, I wonder what's happened with that), so he goes with his mom to do the administrative work.

 He hates it so much :)

Those first months are torture for him and his family. His two sisters capitulated as soon as they could and left (they have a life to, Marco!). When he's not helping his mom or learning to become expert in Excel, he's watching old seasons of MotoGP, F1, and NBA. He stays at home mostly. He gets in a bad mood about it, but he prefers it to having to face his friends :(

But he can now recite by heart the podiums of every MotoGP and F1 race from 2007 and 2008!

3. Does Pecco visit him and help him with stuff?

Yeah! Bezz calls Pecco to tell him because he knows he can't run away forever for his friends, but he calls him at week 15 which is a long time past the period for a termination of pregnancy (wait, are abortions even legal in Italy?).  He called pecco when he say himself “there is no turning back from this.”

 (He's a fool...)

Pecco, once he discovers that Bezz is no longer going to lock himself in and respond to his messages (although not those from the academy's WhatsApp group...), finds out his home address and appears from time to time to check on him and take him out to eat Japanese food (but not sushi :c).  He texts him constantly and listen to Marco when he calls him to tell him something about how horrible he feels and how none of the websites he's seen talk enough about back pain (they do, he doesn't really read a lot).

Bezz is also ignoring the absolute circus that is the 2024 season because he feels rubbish not being there, and Pecco is happy not to touch on the topic at all because talking about the season is talking about Martín and Márquez and no, thanks.

 Pecco invites himself to the baby reveal date in the obstetrician (Marco doesn't throw a reveal party, booo) and together they discover that the bug that Bezz is having will be a little boy.

It's Pecco who brings Luca and Franky when Bezz says he's ready to mention it to more people (after finding out the sex of the baby).  Luca is the obvious choice for everything and Franky is Franky, so he has to be there. And they go on a shopping trip - with Pecco’s bonus - so they don't have time to process anything at all.

Franky keeps trying to buy VR46-themed things (why are there so many?) while Luca asks the -no- innocent question of “who is the father?”

4. Does Bezz attempt to remember who the father could be and contact him?

NOW. THIS QUESTION.

Short answer: no :)

Long answer: To each person who asks, Bezz will say a very eloquent “I am the father of the baby :D”.  He admits that he had sex with a lot of people at that time and doesn't remember most of them, so it's not worth looking for the child's other father. The bug is his, he is carrying it in his body and they don't need anyone else.

REAL Answer: Marco absolutely has an idea who the father is and will DIE before telling anyone, not even his family.  He will take that secret to the grave.  When his little bug is born and grows with brown eyes and to have curly brown hair, no one will ask about it anymore.

(when the boy grows up to have blue eyes and straight hair, people have QUESTIONS. Marco is not answering.)

 SORRY IT'S SO LONG it's just- pregbez

[spearxwind]

not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

[samuelroukin]

Okay fuck it, team Roach, the 006 to the 141's 007, is roughly:

Roach: Captain Sanderson. Very soft spoken, stuck with extreme baby face despite being a hardened combat vet, tremendously calm, rational and easy going even when being shot at. Very reasonable and inhuman levels of stealthy. Never raises his voice, which is often Worse. He's not really sure how he got here but he is unfortunately Very Good at This. Which is both leadership and Warfare. In his heart of hearts he just wants to be chilling on a pool floatie with a beer in hand but Alas.

His Second in Command: Handsome, Polite, Charming and Clinically Insane. As in they are 100% fudging this man's psych evals. He seems easy going and fun but this man is basically a monster, he is the type that signed up to kill people and not go to jail. Graves but Worse. He's only technically a Hero because Roach is holding his leash but. Seriously he seems fine until you're alone in an enclosed space with him and your lizard brain sends up a panic alarm akin to being trapped in an elevator with a lion. The more he talks the more you realize he... doesn't live in the real world. For Reasons Unknown Roach is pretty much the only one that does actually have a collar on him. He Gets Real Weird and Jealous over Ghost when they finally meet.

Tex: Your Killing Machine Has Anxiety. Possibly the world's best sniper and a true mathematical genius, who has next to no social skills, the legacy of a childhood stutter and growing up in a Very Rural Isolated area. Excellent at taking directions but it's hard to not pin a kick me sign on him despite him being, objectively, a very dangerous guy. A lot of people assume he's Like That because of warfare/soldiers get strange/ptsd etc. No he was always Weird, he is definitely Undiagnosed Neurodivergent, but so is his whole family. A Cheetah in search of a Dog in his Pen. Hypercompetent in the field, who let you out of your cage otherwise.

Doc: World's Bitterest Medic. Loves humanity as a concept and truly believes in medicine as a science dedicated to the betterment of life and wellbeing. Also Hates Every Single Human Being he has ever come across. Extreme Pissed of Mom Who Says Get Your Ass Down Here Now Or I Will Beat You to Death Myself energy. Means he generally keeps them in line socially as well as the Angry Mom Friend so Tex generally hides behind him. He grumbles but he secretly kind of loves it. Unfortunately, these Idiots are *his* idiots. You are Stupid and Embarassing and he Will Run Out Under Heavy Fire to Save You at the risk of his own life. Running in joke is "does the life threatening wound hurt enough to subject yourself to his bedside manner?" Absolutely terrible taste in music he subjects them all to.

There are at least one or two more guys in this train wreck but these are the mains. Unsurprisingly something this disfunction works out horribly well and they are incredibly effective. Tired Dad Energy Roach vs You Should Have Gone Before We Left Mom Medic plus Their Frail Victorian Son of a Sniper plus I Will Kill For You Please Ask Me To Kill For You and Give Me Attention 2IC means this shit is actually A OK by the brass.

lmao didn't you just say you put no thought into them? these guys are far more developed than my ocs, give yourself some credit! they all sound great and like i said i already love tex and doc but uh HI second in command 👀

[yanderu-deredere]

Hello!! Ive been slowly working my way through your ocs and can i just say!!! They are soooo tasty, your brain is very big, also linking the profiles is soo nice im terrible with remembering stuff so its a nice refresher

Anyway i was just wondering how do you think Ayaka would be with a childhood friend darling 🤔

a/n: SORRY ANON BUT YOU'VE HIT THE JACKPOT this is literally my SPECIAL INTEREST i absolutely DIE AND LOVE THE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS TROPE

ayaka yamato ★ profile

being childhood friends with ayaka means getting to know the social media super star before she became popular girl material

before, her hair was pitch black and she also had a lot of acne. like now, she wore thick rimmed glasses but they were always plain black. she also wore a lot of formal clothes, chosen by her nanny. stuff like button ups, long pleated skirts, etc

as a kid, ayaka was basically caged so, to be her childhood friend, your parents had to have been really good friends with her parents

ayaka's parents often scheduled play dates with their good friends' children as a way to gain more social power among the rich

unfortunately, that's really the only way you could've met her before she began her rebellious phase

like frfr ayaka was basically isolated as a child. i cannot stress this enough lol

her little brother was doted on by her mom and her older brother was coddled by her father (since he's the heir) so, often times, she was left to her own devices

she, of course, had nannies and tutors but none of them really truly treated her like the child she actually was

to everyone she met, she was a yamato. and that was the only thing that mattered about her

this made her very hungry for affection and she took whatever she could get

and if you gave her any sort of affection? when she's starving? she'd eat that shit up and praise the ground you walk on LOL

though caveat to that is that you'd have to be in the same boat as her LOL becos she's always been easily jealous, especially back then, and if you were more free than she was, she'd resent you too much to get attached to you

she'd definitely use you as her guinea pig when she starts experimenting with fashion and make up too lmao

when she does go thru her transformation from goody good daughter to how she really wants to live her life, she brings you with her

but she won't let you become a socialite like her. no, you're only allowed to be with her, to be close to her, to be her friend

anytime you start slipping from her grasp, she starts isolating you until the only person you feel comfortable clinging to and depending on is her

"Do you think there's more to life than this?"

You looked up from your homework to see Ayaka staring intently at you, her head resting in her arms. She was pushing around one of the fruit peels that she'd left on the desk but it was obvious from her expression that she'd been serious about her words.

You considered her words for a second before cocking your head a little to the side "What do you mean?"

"I don't know... more to studying. More to being the kid of a CEO. More to all of this." She just huffed in reply before leaning back and crossing her arms "Feels unfair that we live like this."

I don't want you to live like this. She wanted to say but the words just stayed lodged in her throat.

Unfortunately, she didn't inherit a lot from her parents but she did inherit their inability to express affection. The sweetness, the love, always felt awkward and tough on her tongue.

She wanted so desperately to tell you about her feelings, to let you in and let you know, but all she could do was peel you clementines and sit by your side, hoping and praying that you'd notice her.

Certainly, if not her, you found yourself thinking about her words. You'd never really thought about that before. You were always following your parents' rules that it felt blasphemous to consider going beyond them, to see what it was like beyond the rules and the gilded cage.

Because you were aware. You knew the life they had you live--the life Ayaka's parents had her live--was one of imprisonment, doomed to never do what you wanted to do.

But you'd lived the life for so long that imagining what life would be like any other way left you drawing a blank.

"Let's start living life our own way." Ayaka suddenly uncrossed her arms and took your hands into hers, that eager grin on her face infectious "You and me. Nobody cares about me like you do, anyway."

"And nobody cares about you like I do, right?" There was something dark to her tone right then, like there was more to her words. But she looked so mesmerizing, so sweet, that you found yourself nodding.

Ayaka only beamed even brighter "We'll decide how we want to become, not our parents."

[captaindibbzy]

Drowning a screenshot so I can have a bitch about this in private. Like, no shade to the OP, it's just something I see a lot of sometimes and this morning it hit a nerve. And I don't want to have a go at OP. But...

Nobody explains why small talk is important.

Like, yes, people complain about it and struggle with it. Teenagers especially. People with neurodivereity. People who are ostracised from society. People who aren't taught this very learnable skill. I struggle with it. I find it very difficult. But it took me to my 30's to figure out why people are doing it, and how I am supposed to interact with it. Nobody sat down and told me this, they just expected me to know it and got annoyed when I didn't.

People talk about skills you're not taught in schools, and this is one of them. Especially if you are isolated from your peers, or shoved off in to the special lessons away from everyone else. You have to interact with those above you in a very specific way. You don't have small talk with your teachers, and you get punished for it. You don't have small talk with your peers cause you get punished for it. Then you're dropped in a real world situation and someone's talking to you about the weather and you're on edge cause when does the other shoe drop? What do you want from me? People only talk to me when they want something and this is incredibly anxiety inducing so just tell me what you want so we can get on to it.

Small talk is a method of communication between two people who don't know each other well that is used to politely acknowledge the other person as someone you respect, and to test the waters on potential topics of conversation going forward. It's checking the wall for wires before you hammer a nail in and hit the mains. It's two dogs in the park wagging their tails and sniffing butts going "hello dog! I am also dog!"

"Hello human! I like sports. Do you like sports? Oh. No... Ok :( Weather? Do you like weather? How about show that was on? Do you like show?"

Cause we are inherently social animals.

But if I talk about what I want to talk about people get pissy at me. I get odd looks. The conversation stops. The respect dries up. What is the difference? Nobody can tell me what the difference is. Nobody has told me how to navigate this!

Some times we learn our of necessity that we are not allowed to be sociable except if it is under very specific circumstances, and we are so hungry for that circumstance we don't want to do the dance we just want to KNOW if it is safe to exist or not.

Some part of our brain is screaming DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! and it's very difficult to take in someone who is going "oh did you see the weather today? Rain again haha. Yeah. I saw a good show this weekend" while the alarm is going in your head and you're not actually interested, and you're trying to figure out what they want from you, etc. This person wants your resources, your energy, your attention, because they are a human person who wants acknowledgement and is probably trying to offer you the same thing. But that is limited to a very specific list of things that nobody has handed to you and if you deviate from that list the odds of that respect drying up vastly increases, the odds of mockery vastly increases, and the odds of being in danger vastly increase. Meanwhile you are burning through your resources at an alarming rate cause of all this extra stuff you're going through. And you just want to feel SAFE.

And that's why a lot of people, especially on this website full of neurodiverse and isolated individuals, detest small talk. And if you can do it I am glad for you, and if you get something out of it that is great. It was made for you, go forth and use it, and treat customer service workers with respect, and have light conversations to fill up your I am a human bar. But people aren't being deliberately obtuse and rude when they detest this shit. It is genuinely really REALLY difficult for us! And nobody ever explains it!