#sobbing and crying i was WAITING for this to be animated im so happy

[macey-wacey]

The Duke, Alice, and the Kissing Window

[account-name]

listening to phoney's voice lines again hehehebhe blushing kicking my feet hugging a pillow ect

[beefboyandbabygirl]

Good Luck, Fermata Tower (18+)

pairing: fire-lookout!seungcheol x female!fire-lookout!reader

genre: firewatch au LMAO, smut (MDNI), soo much angst, COMFORT, fluff

description: after the death of your roommate you have to find a greater purpose to life. what better way than to became a fire lookout with a surprisingly charismatic neighbour tower?

warnings: this fic is a lot, please read ALL warnings. SUICIDE, implied suicidal thoughts, major character death 2x, reader goes through grief, so does seungcheol, AGE GAP, RADIO SEX??? LMAOOO, dirty talk, petnames, cockwarming, pentrative sex, strength kink, f. and m. masturbation (mutual?), PINING TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE, MENTIONS OF DOING DRUGS/DOING SHROOMS, talks of drowning, if u know the game i think you'll be able to visualize the beauty of this way more, intensive writing on the scenery and the emotions, LMK IF I FORGOT ANYTHING PLEASe

quotes from babygirl (@joshibambi): "im getting out lana", "im just gonna be making animal sounds", "can we make this into a play so i can perform this?", "OF ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD MAKE ME CRY IT WAS THE DESCRIPTION OF HIS HOT ASS FACE"

wordcount: 13.9k

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEUNGCHEOL. i love this fic. the writing is a little novelly for a fic, but i was so passionate ab this whole firewatch thing and i got SO INTO the arcs and their personal losses and i just really love yn and seungcheol. i hope this was worth the wait and i apologize for not finishing sooner. all my love, beefboy

You and Mingyu meet at college at some parkour club that you’d both joined to make friends. You face-plant into the pavement and knock out a tooth and Mingyu takes you to a nearby hospital. You click instantly. 

You and Mingyu spend every moment together - you help him and he helps you. Mingyu is smart, you realize. He knows all the formulas in your mathematics course by heart. You tell him he’s smart and he says that no one else seems to think that.

You and Mingyu are best friends. You have matching necklaces that complete a heart. 

You and Mingyu party together and when you get too drunk, he carries you down the halls, home. Sometimes at night he sleeps in your bed. 

Your friend group thinks you’re dating, but you think you and Mingyu are something much more earnest than lovers. You think Mingyu is your soulmate. 

You piggy-back ride Mingyu at graduation and you give him a peck on the cheek when he shakes hands with the dean. 

You and Mingyu become roommates. You binge-watch terrible movies together and hold drinking games. It’s hard to admit some of your favorite memories are from watching the Alvin and The Chipmunks trilogy. 

The night before it happens you and Mingyu eat dinner together that he cooked. You see his snaggletooth every time he smiles. 

You’d almost lived together for two years that morning. He usually wakes earlier than you, but he is nowhere to be seen. The apartment is oddly still. You feel trapped. 

You enter Mingyu’s room.

You think he’s asleep. You leave him alone. 

Two hours later you grow worried. You enter his room to find him in the same position. You shake him. Mingyu doesn’t wake. 

The doctors say a case like Mingyu’s is extremely rare - he was in great shape. You’re not sure if that’s supposed to make you feel better. 

Mingyu’s funeral is grim. His death is so terrible, says the pastor, because it’s so domestic. You think it’s terrible because he is - was - the brightest, most amazing person to walk the earth. His parents want you to hold a speech, but you can’t find the words. You think you might sob if you go up there. You sob anyway. The flowers form a ring on the floor of the church and your soulmate is dead.

You can’t sleep anymore. You imagine him dying, left arm numb, alone in the dead of night and choking out your name, reaching for the thin wall that separated you. You cry for a whole month. The apartment is cursed so you live with your parents. 

One day, you see an ad for a job in the paper. 

You take it.  _____________________________

“Hello?” 

Static stormed the tower-house when the other end cut off.

“Are you there?” 

Your eyes frantically darted around the cabin. It was no more than a 13 foot rectangle and yet your tired eyes couldn’t find the radio, churning out a gruff voice. 

You’d just arrived, barely turned on the generator to allow light in. It was nighttime. The park’s dips and peaks were veiled in blue; the silhouettes of the trees, forking out in long, thin spikes, were navy and the lake Fermata was the brightest, glittering pearl from the moon above. Stars twinkled knowingly at you. 

There. A flash of yellow in your blurred vision. You picked up the worn, dirty radio in your heavy hand, pressing at its side. 

“Yeah, hi, I’m here,” you breathed out tiredly. You let go of the button and a small bit of static spoke back to you. 

“Y/n?” 

“Mhm.” 

“I’m Seungcheol. I’m in Bay Valley Tower. It’s to the east. Saw your light turn on,” His voice was gruff, laced with sleep. It had a rasp at every vowel, strings of vocal chords straining to spit out the words in between sticky ropes of bile. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” you said. You had nothing else to say. The flimsy, one person bed beckoned to your tired body. You moved, like a doll, one limb at a time, into its harbor, collapsing into the thin mattress. You laid on your side, moonlight shining in from the window by the door. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, carelessly. Impatient in tone, you imagined he’d probably been through this a hundred times before. “So,” he sighed out, deeply. “What’s your problem?” 

“Hm?” 

There was a shooting star, dancing across the sky in that moment. You watched it, shuffling onto your back with half-closed eyes. Stardust sprinkled from it on the open, empty sky.

“People here are all running from something. So what’s your deal?” 

You sighed, watching the star’s open path. It could go anywhere, you thought. Then you moved your arm, holding the receiver to your mouth. 

“Listen, Seungcheol. I’ve been hiking for two days, so I’m gonna go to bed now, okay? Hopefully you’ve found some manners by the time I wake up,” you mumbled, then let go of the button (it had a harsh, grainy texture for some reason), and laid your hand, radio in it, limply at your side. 

You heard a raspy chuckle from the other end. You had no energy to be angry. 

“Alright, Fermata Tower,” there was a smile in the anonymous man’s voice. 

There was a pause. The sound of the fierce breeze carried whiffs of autumn, as it lulled you to sleep. You had almost fallen into a black, snow-buried slumber when you heard the radio crinkle again: 

“Fermata, do you see that shooting star?” 

You had no energy to respond, radio spewing static in your open hand. Thankfully, Seungcheol seemed understanding.

“That’s good luck. So...”

A moment. You and Seungcheol watched the sky-dancer, apart. 

“Good luck.”  _____________________________

“You’re awake!” 

It was Seungcheol’s voice. Transformed by the orange hues of daytime, he sounded much more alive than the night prior. 

“I can see you sitting at your desk.” 

Indeed you were sitting on your desk - a flimsy wooden thing, which looked like it had come form a yard sale - studying the map of the massive park. There were simple cartoonish figures to indicate stresses of trees and drops in the terrain, and rock quarries and waterfalls and lakes. You’d delicately pointed out your own position with red marker, scribbling ‘me’ by it with a heavy child’s hand.

It was cold - the thin boards did not do much to ward away the heavy wind, hooting creeping in the cracks. It smelled like pine needles and tea, as you’d just boiled a lavender on the kettle. IT sat, heating your fingers where it rested beside them in a mug left behind by the previous firewatchman (it read: “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee”). 

The radio clattered against the wood when you clumsily picked it up. 

“Didn’t know when I signed up for this that I would be dealing with a stalker,” you joked, smiling small when you heard the man on the other end let out a hearty laugh. 

“Hey, don’t go labeling me just yet, kid.”

“Kid?!” you said incredulously, dropping the marker that you had been so diligently using to scribble excellent comments on your map (latest was: “maybe cute bears”). “How old are you?!” 

“I’m 37,” Seungcheol said.

“Oof.” 

“Hey!” 

“I’m kidding!” you laughed, dropping your pen and leaning back in your seat. The view was beautiful. You could see the lake, surrounded by a rippling sea of trees, each top reaching for the sky, like you. “I’m 27, I’m getting up there with you.”

“Just a small decade.”

“I’m mature for my age.” 

Seungcheol chuckled on the other end of the radio. You spun around in your chair (it creaked horribly - it sounded like a pig at the sight of a cleaver) surveying each square of the forest from your windows. You narrowed your eyes, trying to spot his lookout tower. 

“How come you can see me but I can’t see you?” you mumbled, now standing to try and see, but it was drowned out by the sheer volume of pinewood. Seungcheol grumbled on the other end: “I should be East.” 

“Yeah, fuck, I forgot to tell you, I think I dropped my fucking compass on the way here,” you ran a hand through your hair and frown. 

“Uh, shit, you’re gonna have to pick up a new one, bud,” he said and you slumped. “Well, if you’re facing the lake - Fermata Lake, I mean - I should be to your left.” 

You followed his instructions. You faced the lake, then took two loggy steps to face left, then squinted incessantly at the horizon. Not dissimilar to a crowd in Times Square, the trees stood toe to toe all across at every inch you spied. The pines zagged upwards like Giza, and culminated into the biggest mountain in the park, just under the sun. The mountain loomed overhead where you finally spotted the lookout tower, like a monster crouched over its prey. You tried to shake off the thought and focus on the lone, floating tower in the pit of pointy trees.

“I see you, Bay Valley,” you breathed into the radio. 

The tower looked much more lonely from so far away. It was different when you were in it, but with the miles-long stretch between you two, you found it looked so small and feeble. You could make out the light turned on within it, a rectangle of burning orange. The shooting star must’ve crossed directly between your two towers. 

“Attagirl,” Seungcheol smiles. “Do you see me waving?”

“No, what the fuck.” 

“I got binoculars.” 

“Ew, you are a stalker!” 

“It’s for bird-watching!” Seungcheol informed you, offense in his tone. You cackled into the radio. “I like watching birds, thank you very much.” 

“Jeez, can’t believe what this job does to people.” 

“I liked bird-watching before I got this job,” Seungcheol said.

“You’re so white,” you grinned. 

“I’m not even white!” 

You and Seungcheol both laughed, joyous hiccups interrupted by bursts of static and 3 miles of rocky terrain and pine needles. You squint at the sun, traversing and dipping under the jagged hedges of the tree-line. 

Your head lolled over to spot between the desk and doorway, where you’d dropped your orange backpack (a peculiar color, come to think of it - same color as the lifejacket they deploy on airplanes when everything has already gone wrong). Now it was flopped onto its side, zipper ripped open and knick knacks and crumbs at its mouth, spilling onto the floor. 

“Where do I get a new compass?” you asked, looking at a yellowed book sat beside the backpack.

“Uh, shit, gimme a sec,” Seungcheol mumbled, and before his radio cut off, you heard, briefly, the itchy scrambling of papers, and the sound made him seem a lot more real. “We have these, uh, supply boxes scattered around. ‘M readin’ this, uhhh, fuckin’ info-thing.. Should say which of them supposedly has a compass.” 

“Sounds like you really know your stuff.” 

“Get off my ass, Fermata.” 

You heard papers rustle again and a small bump before the radio cut off, as if he put the radio down on the table. You awaited, arms crossed over your pink and gray striped hoodie, and staring at sundown. Orange flooded the sky, as if it were all engulfed in flames and this was really hell. 

“Uhhh, okay, I got it! There’s one down at Eleison Valley? The code is 1-2-3-4. That’s actually the code to all of them.” 

“Secure.”

“Shut up.” 

“Well, I can get some exploring done, at least,” you frown, spying a not-so-casual hike on the dotted surface of your map, when you tangoed back to the table, fiddling with the edge of the paper. 

“Yeah. You should probably do it tomorrow though. Sun’s coming down.” 

“Yeah. Can’t believe I slept that long.” 

“Don’t feel too bad about it, kid. I was knocked out for, like, two days after the hike out here. It’s a miracle you’re already awake.” 

“Thanks, Bay Valley,” you sighed, leaning back in your seat with some strained shuffling. You watched, eyes half-lidded as the sun fully disappeared behind the curtain of the park. Its light still roamed the sky, where it hid. Half dark blue, half red, the sky twinkled at you and your insignificance brilliantly. You tried not to think about how lonely and floaty your lookout tower must look from afar. Everything feels big when it’s close enough. 

“You’re welcome, Fermata.” _____________________________

“You think I could eat any of these mushrooms, BV?” 

“BV?” 

“Bay Valley.”

“Ah,” Seungcheol sighed on his end of the radio. You were trudging through the undergrowth in your new hiking boots, lifesaver-colored backpack on the plates of your back, weight pushing through the fabric of your jacket. “No, I don’t think that would be wise.” 

“Damn it. Was gonna get hella high,” you joked, eyeing another cluster of snow-white mushrooms under the shade of a tree, sloping along a gnarly root. Your crunching steps in the loose dirt came to a halt - there was a dropoff. The cliff cut off like a broken chocolate bar and a sharp rockwall supported it to the next layer of earth. 

The path was snaking down towards the lake. You’d circle around and climb up towards Tri Forks Tower, where eventually the climbing heights would bowl into Eleison Valley - a flower field, supposedly (in the map a little flower icon alerted you of this). 

“If I die from this rockwall, please, tell my family I love them,” you grumbled, fetching an itchy, frayed rope from the depths of your backpack. Squinting at the high sun, pale drops of sweat forming around your forehead, you slung it over the hook. The park was littered with these - rusted old things that were leaning forward from years of heavy hikers’ tugging. This one was particularly bent. 

“You’re so dramatic,” came Seungcheol from the speaker. 

“Am not, man, these rocks are like fucking knives!” 

“Such a drama queen. A real Primadonna.”

You huffed and puffed as you lowered yourself down the cliffside. Your boots pressed flat against the jagged rock, biceps burning as you held yourself up and walked down the side of it. The whole world was with you, sideways, and you would’ve stopped to appreciate it were you not sure you would pass out doing so. 

“Holy shit,” you said to yourself when you were finally on stable ground and not spider-manning the mineral deposits of the park. You put your hands on your hips and squinted at its imposing open jaw. 

“You down yet, Queen B?”

You panted, grimacing, when you tugged the rope hard and it leapt down like a flying snake: “Yeah, I’m down.” 

You continued padding through the forest. The earth was dry and it was summer, but the wind was harsh and it cooled your stovetop-skin as you walked along a rock quarry, Fermata Lake hiding behind the covers of huge, flat bulwark. You listened to the cacophonous call of the forest: rustling leaves and birds. 

“I had a friend - uh, friend of a friend, actually - who, like, got high as fuck off mushrooms and had a bad trip,” you said, mouth to the mic of the radio, as you studied the cover of the leaves. 

“Yeah? What happened?” Seungcheol hummed. 

“She said that, like -- fuck,” you breathed, scrambling over a particularly rocky rock. “She said there was, like, like her house flooded. Like, water just came gushing in and the whole house was, like, underwater suddenly and she.. She thought she was gonna drown. And her fuckin’ kitchen turned into, like, a coral reef or some shit, I don’t know.” 

“Shit,” Seungcheol seemed much more alert now. You heard him put something down on his table (you imagined it was just as shitty as your own). “I didn’t even know that was possible.” 

“It’s fucking crazy. Don’t do drugs, man.” 

You turned past the quarry and was met with the sight of the huge, gaping hole of Fermata Lake. Strangely oval, the lake was flanked on all sides with thick pineland, except for a slight angle where grassy hills turned upwards towards Tri Forks Tower. 

The water was much more green up close. Algae sloshed up the side of the gravel-earth, willing you into the murky depths. 

You stared at it for a while. You thought maybe you could make out someone standing at the bottom of the bowl-shape.

“I’m at Fermata Lake,” you said then, and then started walking again. 

“Good job! And you haven’t even died at a drop off yet,” Seungcheol joked and you laughed. 

“God, you’re such a jerk. I bet you’re fuckin’.. Watching birds right now like a nerd.” 

“Okay, rude-” 

“Why don’t you go outside and be productive?” 

“I’m looking for fires,” Seungcheol snarked back. “The binoculars are multi-use.” 

You let the conversation die down for a bit, focused on the walk. It was peaceful when you let it be, but at times you came to feel like you were being swallowed alive, or like the looming figure of Aluralura Mountain was pressing its boulder-brawn in between your shoulder blades. The air in the forests was thicker, so you stayed persistent in your path, as you climbed up the clearings and spotted Tri Forks in the distance. 

“Hey, uh, Y/n?” 

The sudden intrusion of Seungcheol on the radio had you jolting, dropping the radio into the earth (thankfully it was fine - here the earth was softer and it dipped under your boot and water pressed out from the mull). You bent over and picked it back up. 

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” you scolded, wiping mud off the yellow plastic of the radio.

“Oh, uh, sorry..” 

It was only then that you noticed a meekness in Seungcheol’s voice. You, of course, had not the furthest idea what he looked like, but he sounded like he was holding a knife behind his back. You furrowed your brows and stared down the radio, as if it would give you answers. There was dirt clamoring the yellow, where your fingers had held on.

“What’s up?” you said and sounded fakely bright. 

“Well, I just-” he cut himself off with a cough, one that reached those stringent, thinning vocal cords and brought back the rasp. “I wanted to apologize. For the other night. I mean, when you came to the tower.” 

You didn’t respond, only furrowed your brow and looked out across the sun-lit moor. There was a deer traversing across the grass. 

“Uhm. Because. I was- I was kinda drunk, uh, when you came, and I know I was kinda pushy about, you know, why you came out here and all that.” 

“OH!” you exclaimed and the noise ended in a laugh. “Please, Seungcheol. Don’t worry about that. It’s fine.” 

“Okay, good,” he mumbled. 

The flower field came into view after climbing a particularly steep hill and it was a flower field - not just cartography myth. 

It was all sunflowers and catmint - a huge, long stretch of purple and yellow splotches, stemming from green, untamed grass - stretching as far as you could see, disappearing into a hill at the far horizon. You were sure the smell of pollen went for miles, flowerdust sprinkling the air in heavy coats. The path you were following split the field in two, a dry, boring gravel streak, but you saw, faded from sunlight, a once deep, now light, ashy brown box at the right side. 

“I found it!” you shrieked into the radio, a newfound strength gearing your legs into a sprint. “Fuck, yes!” 

“Good job, Fermata!” there was a smile in his voice. 

“Thank you!” 

You were also smiling, when you went up to it. It was rectangular and made of planks, held together by a metal loop and a padlock. Like everything else, it was dirty and ravished, and you felt a faint worry at the sight of scratch marks on its side. You clicked in the code: 1-2-3-4. 

The interior of the box was mostly empty. To your horror the first thing you saw was a porn magazine, which you did not dare to touch; then you saw a granola bar, which you did touch and stash away in your backpack, without any regard for how old it may have been; then came the compass, small and cheap metal and pointing out that you were, in fact, facing Northwest.

There was another item in the box. You did not initially see it, as it was taped to the interior of the lid, but when you raised your eyes, you saw it. It was a piece of paper - a note. 

Grimacing, you ripped it off where it was blowing violently in the wind, holding it tight between your fingers and smudging dirt along the untainted white. 

It read: 

‘Hey, Cheol. If you head up the path there’s a family of raccoons! I left this granola bar here so you could feed them! From Jun.’

“Hey, Seungcheol?” you said absently, staring over the blue, scribbled ink, worn out from months of rainwater dripping in through the planks. He hummed on the other end of the line. “There’s a note here for you. From a, uh, Jun?”

“Oh.”

There was a pause that you couldn’t decipher - maybe you could have, had you been there with Seungcheol. Maybe if you could read his face, his body, you could’ve known what it meant. But for now you just stood in the breeze. It was picking up, getting angrier, hurling at your clothes and hair, banishing you from the field. The flowers dangled uselessly. 

“Do you want me to read it to you?” 

Silence. 

“No, not really.” 

“Oh, okay. Uh, who’s- who’s Jun?” 

Silence. 

“The guy who used to work in Fermata Tower. Before you.” 

“Oh.” 

Every second was longer than the last. You wish you knew what it all meant, but you sensed in Seungcheol’s curtness that he was not taking questions currently, and so you looked around the quickly graying sky and the suddenly spiteful wind and folded the note away in your jacket pocket. 

“I’m gonna head back now,” even your voice was rocked by the wind. 

Seungcheol didn’t respond. 

You left Eleison Valley alone.  _____________________________

This was where it was supposed to be - greatness. Not success, but something greater, larger, more alive than you could ever be. You thought you’d find it in the mountains, the valleys, the lakes and the forests and maybe that had been naive of you - to think that nature and earth could give any sort of meaning that death had taken away from you. These shadowed parts only served to make you feel smaller, you realized. The mountains glared at you, the forests swallowed and spat you out. 

You couldn’t sleep. The image of Mingyu’s outstretched hand was back and you could almost see him from your flimsy bed, lying on his back with a tanned hand out for you. You left him alone, just like you always had. 

Burrowed under the veil of your thin blanket, grabbing at it with clumsy hands, you turned your back to Mingyu’s corpse on your floor.

A prickle sauntered up your back. It was that emotion that something was creeping closer, something was out to get you. That you would feel a cool, dead hand on your back and when it would spin you around his face would be there, and he’d look nothing like himself; he’d be pale and purple around the mouth and his eyes would be sunken and dark and all the glitter he possessed - that he used to possess - would be gone and something menacing, like a hungry mountain, would have replaced it. 

You thrashed, suddenly, to look back at the corpse. It was still there. Hadn’t moved an inch. Deja vu. 

Thoughtlessly, desperately, you fumbled for the radio wrapped up the sheets of your bed. Your fingertips found the plastic hardware, and it bounced at your eagerness, before you pulled it along the sheets and up to your mouth. 

“Seungcheol?” you gasped. 

When did you start crying? You decided you must’ve been crying all night and maybe you’d cried so much that your brain had stopped registering the feeling of wet tears. 

There was a pause. A long one. So long, you started to really become aware of the cries of the wind, the patter of the rain and the endless mumbling of the trees (and the gargled, bubbling blood rising from Imaginary Friend Mingyu’s half-open mouth). Then static spoke back to you: 

“Yeah?” his voice was so raspy, you registered that you must’ve awoken him from his sleep, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Your nails dug into the radio and you pressed it into your chest, holding on tight. 

“I can’t sleep,” you whispered, words full of shaky air. There was another pause and for a second you feared that Seungcheol might’ve gotten angry and gone back to bed. But he spoke again.

“Are you okay?” You heard rustling on his end, and you imagined him standing up from the bed, looking out at your lonely island of a lookout tower. “Do I need to trek over there?” 

“No!- no, I couldn’t ask you to do that,” you protested, then trailed off. 

“... Are you crying?” 

You squeezed your eyes shut: “I just- d’you remember what I said? About my- my friend’s friend who- who had a bad mushroom trip?” 

“Uh, yeah, I remember. Her- Her house flooded, right?” Seungcheol’s voice was tainted with thorough confusion, but not annoyance. Never annoyance. 

“Well, I just-” you sputtered and sighed. You almost wanted to stop talking and give up when Seungcheol stayed quiet on his end and drew the words forward: “It’s so stupid. Sometimes I just- I just feel like that. Like you’re drowning, everywhere you go. You know?” 

Your voice was stringent with nervousness, and you picked at your nail, wrapped around the radio in the shallow dark. 

“It’s not stupid, sweetheart,” he mumbled. It was amazing to you how gruff and tough Seungcheol turned soothing and caring so fast. The nickname felt like a warm hug, and you almost didn’t register the sound of fabric rustling once more. “I’m coming over.”

“N-No!” you gasped sharply. Your eyes flickered down. Mingyu watched from the floor, eyes glazed over from death. He smelled foul.

“Can you.. Can you just- talk to me?” you whispered helplessly, and Seungcheol quieted down, seemingly weighing your proposal. 

“Okay. Okay, sweetheart, I’ll talk to you,” Seungcheol whispered soothingly, and for God’s sake, you didn’t even know what he looked like, but the rasp in his voice, and the comfort and warmth that sung out the speaker of the radio had your heart clenching in your chest. “What do you wanna talk about?” 

“Um, I don’t know,” you sniffled. Seungcheol only softened his voice and sat, awake in the middle of the night, comforting you.

“Can I tell you about birds?” 

He told you about birds for 45 minutes before you fell asleep (something he had predicted would happen); he told you about how pheasants are known for their striking colors and how they have excellent eyesight; he told you how he saw a nightjar just before going to bed that night, and how they’re incredibly hard to spot; he told you about Barrow’s Goldeneyes, and how they’re the funniest little guys, and he loves them, because they glow purple in the sunlight; he told you about g…

Oh. You must’ve started dozing off.  _____________________________

You weren’t sure when it changed, but at some point you looked out the window, and the mountain looked a lot more like yourself. 

You were getting better, happier, you were waking up with more energy, you were bubblier. You weren’t entirely sure you could blame it on the park though. For two months you’d had your job and for about two months, every once in a while, you’d radioed Seungcheol at night, and without any question, he’d tell you about birds. 

It sounded stupid the more you thought about it, but his voice lulled you into a comfortable sleep even on Mingyu’s most insistent nights. 

You’d wake up and patrol your area, then you’d settle back in for a couple of hours, watching out for fire hazards and guests in the park, before you’d patrol one more time. Then you’d go to bed. 

This was not the type of job you took to make friends, but somehow Seungcheol had become the reason you woke up everyday. Everyday you looked forward to walking through the woods with his voice on your radio, and you looked forward to making him laugh and him making you laugh. 

“Seungcheol, I’ve got eyes on what I’m pretty sure is a Red-breasted Merganser, come in.” 

This morning you were up extraordinarily early - for you, that is. You weren’t certain what exactly prompted this early rise (maybe you were finally sleeping right thanks to a certain rough-throated man?), but nonetheless you’d enjoyed the view of dawn along the undergrowth and had eaten half-warm oatmeal in bed with an open book. Now you were bored and craving the attention of your only forest-companion. 

Seungcheol didn’t respond like you were expecting though. When the radio crinkled in response, you heard him panting on the other end and thumps, like he was picking it up off the floor. 

“That’s… That’s great, Fermata. I’ve gotta get my.. My binoculars out,” he heaved for air and fumbled clumsily with the sensitive mic. You cringed at the sound. 

“What are you doing? Why are you so out of breath?” you asked. A twinge of worry slipped out in your tone. Was he okay? 

“I’m, uh, working out,” Seungcheol chuckled, and he seemed to finally regain composure, clearing his throat sheepishly. “You’re not usually awake to hear it.” 

“You work out every day?” 

“Sure do - gotta be prepared to knock out a grizzly,” he grunted. 

You leaned back in your seat, a less than amused expression on your face, because a twirling strand of fire danced up your chest and settled into your cheeks. Why was it suddenly so hot? Fire spread across your nerve endings and twinged you red in the apples of your cheeks. You ran your hands over your face to soothe the sizzling.

This was ridiculous, you thought. Seungcheol was not making you blush. You didn’t even know what he looked like! He might as well have had an eye patch and a mohawk. But even as you halfheartedly scrutinized yourself, your thoughts clouded over the idea of sweet, attentive, raspy Seungcheol with big arms and thighs and a sculpted chest and-

“Are you- are you, like, buff?” 

The question left your lips before you could stop it. Your voice broke halfway through the sentence and you let go of the button with an embarrassed hiss, like a kettle huffing out air. The embarrassment, that was potent and squeezing at your chest, worsened when you heard Seungcheol’s throaty chuckle on the other end, limp and dry. 

“You’re curious today, aren’t you?” he mused then, smirk clear from the tone and pronunciation of the words, and you squeezed your eyes shut because why was his voice and the thought of him and the warmth coming through the radio speaker suddenly bothering you so much?

The truth was you hadn’t masturbated in months. With everything going on, you simply hadn’t felt the urge or the want. But, it occurred to you, now that you were slowly becoming a functioning human once more, the urge was returning hot and fast in your core, and, of course, your only companion with the raspy voice and the attentive words and the apparently muscly body was bringing forth this urge with ease. 

You pressed down the urge, taking a deep breath before you pressed the button once more. You were not going to masturbate to the thought of Seungcheol - not Seungcheol who you only knew by voice, who had been nothing but caring and sweet to you. You could not corrupt the preciousness of your companionship with your lewd, depraved thoughts. 

“I’m just curious what you look like. Unlike you, stalker, I don’t have binoculars!” That sounded a lot more like the you that had not just gotten wet at the thought of Seungcheol’s bulging muscles. 

“Hey! The power of the binoculars is limited. I can only really see your silhouette, nothing fancy,” he defended and then right as you were about to respond, he knocked the wind out of you again: “And yes, I’m pretty buff, if I do say so myself.”

Ugh. 

You went the rounds that day and got through another day without having to complete fire protocol, ending out the evening with a pack of instant noodles your family had so graciously sent you (Seungcheol scolded you: “That has no nutrients!”). However each step through the forest and each slurp of noodles and page of your book was plagued by the latent fire inside you. A burning occupied your abdomen fueled by the echoing morning voice of Bay Valley Tower. 

By nightfall you gave in. You were only a girl. This didn’t have to change anything, you thought, as the park turned plum purple. You settled into bed in your pajamas, sitting upright against the frail wood wall and letting your hair bunch on the rattling plate of glass. Your eyes moved to and fro, bouncing over the now lived-in cabin and taking in the dark void of the farest corner. 

Briefly, you fiddled with your radio in your palm. You could call Seungcheol and- wait, why would you do that? No, no. You packed away that wicked thought - it only served to make you feel more guilty. No, instead you slid down the wall to lay in your pillow, now positive you were alone. 

An owl hooted outside and you slipped your hand into your underwear. 

It was surprisingly easy to surrender your consciousness to the lust (and you had, God bless your soul, stayed wet throughout the entire day). It clouded you over, as you began rubbing up and down your pussy, ghosting over your clit to dip down to your glazed slit. Your eyes squeezed shut and you conjured your best doll-replica of Seungcheol.

In your dream he was a faceless mist, but he had a carved upper body, and from the fog surrounding his head spewed his voice - dripping in warmth and comfort, as you imagined it was his toned arm reaching between your legs and pumping into you.

Your other hand snaked down to your clit, where your hips canted off the bed. In the whirl of thrusting into yourself and rubbing tight circles in your clit, you realized, lip bitten raw under your prying teeth, that there was no reason to hold back your moans. It was only forest and wasteland for miles - and surely Seungcheol would not hear you in his floating snow globe. 

“A-ah, Seungcheol,” you wantonly murmured, burying your head in your pillow and sighing lazily. A flush had crept up your neck, where your chest expanded to allow for air. The pleasure was immense - probably more intense, since it had been quite a while - warmth spreading in your lower stomach and culminating at your throbbing clit. Recklessly, you moaned and thrashed as you fucked yourself on your fingers, hiking towards your orgasm. “Seungcheoool-”

“Y/n?” 

You froze. 

Maybe you’d imagined it. Still, your fingers were stopped in their tracks, simply resting on the warmth of your folds, itching to continue. You sat up in bed and tried to ward away the creeping panic. Your heart began to gallop to the beat of a siren. 

The air had been starched when you finally pulled your hand out of your underwear, hot cheeks and glistening hands all over, when you began searching for the radio.

“Y/n, are you okay?” 

You had your back hunched over the edge of the bed, searching for the little yellow receiver, when his voice came again in a thick forest of static. You snapped your head to under your comforter, where the noise was slightly muffled. 

In a blurred panic, you threw the comforter off of you and spotted the small radio by your calf, and you scrambled to pick it up. When the dirty plastic touched your cheek, you stopped, sighed a shaky, hot breath, and closed your eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m, uh, I’m fine. What’s up?” you let go of the button and cringed at your own disheveledness, the breath and shake in your voice. You pressed your forehead radio-front in a silent prayer. 

There was a hesitance to Seungcheol when he spoke next: “... You were calling for me, you sounded in pain?” 

This was certainly the worst thing he could’ve said. You would’ve rather he told you he spotted a bear at the foot of your tower, trying to eat you! You must’ve accidentally kicked the radio and hit the button, you decide, and you damn yourself for keeping it in the bed - of course, shit like this would happen!

“I was…-” (If only you were a better liar), “- pranking you…” 

Seungcheol huffed out in amusement on the other end and you wanted to jump off the railing to the lookout tower and break your neck. “You were pranking me?” 

You gulped with a decidedly dry mouth. “It was a bear attack prank.” 

Seungcheol was smiling: “Yeah?” 

You were not: “Yeah.” 

There was an entropic silence, where you thoughts came rambled and pleading in your head: Please, just let this go, please, just let this go, let’s pretend it never happened, let’s-

“You wanna know what I think you were doing?” 

Seungcheol’s voice had dropped an octave. The smile in his voice was gone and there was something menacing and commanding about him now. In the moment, overcome with a cocktail of guilt and shame, you could not discern if this was anger or lust - the first seemed fitting. 

“I think you were fucking your little fingers thinkin’ about me,” he hummed and in response you whined and squeezed your eyes shut. The shame encapsulated you. “Shh, shh, calm down, I’m not mad, honey.” 

Blinking through rapidly forming tears, you opened your eyes to stare, dumbfounded, at the radio (as if it were Seungcheol and you were not several miles apart). “Really?” 

“Not mad at all. Jus’ think you should’ve told me if you wanted my help,” he tutted on his end and, God, he was so nurturing and comforting and he knew it, and it was so sexy. Your pussy, which had vaguely throbbed from the negligence throughout, was now screaming for your attention, hole clenching sadly around nothing. 

“I thought you wouldn’t want-” 

“You’re crying again, baby,” he must’ve noted from the hoarseness of your voice and the sniffles that accompanied every syllable. 

“Just want you so bad,” you sobbed, now shamelessly slipping your hand back into your underwear and sighing dazedly in relief when you touched it again. 

“Need Seungcheol to take care of you, huh?” The smile in his voice was back. 

“Yeah.” 

“Bet you don’t want me talking about birds now, hm?” he chuckled (at his own joke), voice low and raspy. “Are you touching that pretty pussy?” 

“Mhmm,” you responded lazily, floating high on the sound of his voice and jolts of electricity they sent as you worked up a pace on your clit once more. The pain of the interruption ebbed away. 

“Good girl, hm?” He knew. “Getting off to the sound of my voice, eh? Don’t even know what I look like.” 

“Hng- k-know you’re b-buff,” you gritted out, voice coming in sharp breaths. Your body moved languidly, back arching off the bed and hair coming out in choppy strands on your pillow. Seungcheol scoffed out a laugh: “Like knowing I could just fold you in half? Fuck you into tomorrow? Hm?” 

You let out a loud, dumb whine of his name. It was a total inability to get over his words; how melodious it was, and yet, how contradictory the smoothness of his words were to the strained nature of his thrumming voice. And the worst of it all was how confident he was - you supposed hearing someone else masturbate to you would be a confidence boost - and how the arrogance swelled out in the most comforting, nurturing way. Each word felt like a hand on your body, like a caress that sent shivers down your spine. 

“Fuck, princess, say my name like that again. Please.” 

“Seungcheol!” you obliged mindlessly, legs shaking on either side of your glistening hand. 

“Shit, I-” he grunted, and you heard a fumbling of fabrics on his end. Your nerves spun in excitement at the thought of him getting hard at your voice. “Can you put two fingers in the pretty pussy - it’ll feel like one of mine, baby.” 

You cried out when your fingers entered yourself, pads of your fingertips rubbing against your walls. Outside of the windows, the park was an empty wasteland of mauve and orchid, and the Fermata lake was brilliantly alive and dipping under the three-quarter-moon. 

“Wish it was your pussy wrapped around my cock right now,” he grunted, and he’d lost breath and composure and if you knew what his face looked like, you would imagine it sweaty and twisted up and a red-lipped ‘o’ letting the jaw slack. 

Resuming your earlier motions (double-handing your own kitty), you felt your orgasm lurking in the pit of your stomach, a tight-wound knot being ripped apart. You were panting into the cool air, creating silver-clouds in your tower-home. “A-ah, want you inside me so bad, Cheol- shit! Gonna- gonna cum-” 

“Yeah? You gonna cum thinking about my cock inside you baby? Thinkin’ about me just bouncing you up and down like my little fuckdoll?” His speech ended in the prettiest moan you’d ever heard, and you imagined every well-defined, flexed muscle under the moonlight and the thought had your whole body jerking and shaking and when you closed your eyes the stars stayed with you, white and glimmering under your eyelid. 

The strangled moans of your orgasm sent Seungcheol over the edge - at least from what you could tell. His dirty talk turned into strings of curses and moans and grunts until the radio went dead, and all you could hear was your own labored breaths and the faraway hooting of a horned owl. 

The silence flatlined the excitement into nervousness. Your lip was almost automatically caught in your teeth and you glanced over the radio beside you through your lashes.

Oh shit. What the fuck had you done?

“Uh, did you-” the smell of sweat shot up as you shuffled in your sheet to grab the radio once more. “Did you, uh, cum?” 

Oh fuck. You just made it way worse.

The silence from the radio was much louder than any response, but when the receiver did finally crinkle with static, the sound of laughter exploded from it.

“Don’t fucking laugh at me, BV,” you scolded, but you were smiling and relief flooded you like water overflows Fermata Lake during heavy downpour. 

“I’m sorry,” he hiccuped on the other end. “It’s just-.. ‘DID YOU CUM?’” 

“Alright, I’m going to bed now. You suck,” you quacked, and even though you were alone you thought to suppress the gentle tugging at your lips into a sharky smile. 

“DID YOU CUM?” 

He sounded pretty when he laughed.  _____________________________

“I can’t believe I have to hike down here to confiscate some fireworks.” 

Your grumble came from the forest beside Fermata Lake. You were walking down a patch of dirt revealed from years’ of trampling feet, dewy sprigs of grass arching into the mud. A group of (presumably) teenagers were firing fireworks down near the edge of your assigned territory. 

“They’re a fire hazard!” Seungcheol squawked obviously, and you huffed in your boots, preparing to climb down a rocky slope. 

“I know that! It’s just everywhere - the website, the signs - don’t use fireworks!” you complained. Seungcheol hummed absently on the other line: “Go teach those suckers a lesson, Fermata!” 

“I will,” you said, agitated. 

“Just don’t fuck with their personal belongings. Last thing we need is a lawsuit. Again.”

“I won’t,” you said, deflated. 

Even in your most angered moments, you could hand yourself over to the gentle forest. No longer were you protruding into a bubble, straining to get through a barrier that was urging you out, but you were absorbed into it, like you were one of its own. 

The forest was lush with pines and brown and green moss painting bark and rocks, and the grass leapt higher than your knees, as you trudged further and further in. 

SWOOOOSH!

A firework propelled into the sky about 100 meters away, and you watched its ignited trails of smoke before it exploded into a fest of sparkling blue and gold. You huffed out in anger at the sight. The sky wasn’t even fully dark - it was merely a muted blue evening. 

“Did you see that?” Seungcheol came from the radio-speaker. 

“Yeah, I’m right with them.” 

As you padded closer the smell of wet pine cones and coltsfoot accompanied the sound of distant voices - indeed, they sounded juvenile. You could make out at least two girls and at least one boy, although their voices were hard to distinguish, the way they echoed in between the grid of trees.

“Hey!” you yelled, as you creeped just close enough. Their voices hushed and you saw their frightened faces lit by handheld, Target-bought flashlights when you peeled back the screen of a bramblebush. They were gathered together amongst a tent, flashlight lighting the plates of the faces ablaze in cool white.

“Cut it out with the fireworks, alright?” you huffed and your anger melted a little when you saw that they were indeed just kids - maybe 19? They seemed to have nothing to say, and so you scanned the beer cans and the scattered backpacks and finally caught sight of a bundle of rockets in the grass. Your brows furrowed, and you picked it up with a sternness. 

“Hey, that’s ours!” one kid chimed, but he made no move to stop you, really, as you trudged angrily back to the bush you had come from. 

“Not as long as you’re in our park, man. It’s a fire hazard.” 

“We’ll take them back home-” 

“Goodnight!” The desperate plea fell on deaf, tired ears. You just wanted to eat dinner, so you disappeared out on a trail of pine needles and valiantly ignored the trail of curses and insults following you. You could care less. 

“I got the fireworks, Seungcheol,” you sighed tiredly and your eyes were dark pits and your face was relaxed, if only to conservative energy. 

“Good job, Fermata.” 

You were not in the talking mood. Maybe Seungcheol could tell by your tone of voice; maybe he could hear it in your sigh; but Seungcheol piped up again: “You know, if you need some energy for the hike back, there’s a supply box - uhh, 52? - if you head upwards instead of towards Fermata Lake.” 

You wanted to be grumpy, you really did, but the thought of a salivating, expired, delicious, out-of-date granola bar had you changing course to the slowly gaining hill of the forest. 

It was weird. This was probably the closest you’d ever been to Seungcheol’s tower. Under the prickly cover of pine some mile in the distance, you could see a glowing square, perched over the treetops by long, wooden pillars, support beams crossing the middle. You couldn’t help but wanna go up to it. There had been an unbearable magnetic pull to his tower ever since that night however long ago. You decided to stay the course for Supply Box 52. 

“I can practically see you from here,” you commented, and the tower was becoming a beacon as the evening mulled darker and darker by the minute. 

“Really? Hang on,” he did not let go of the radio-button, and so you had the pleasure of listening to the ruffling of fabrics and thumps on the floor. “Can you see me flexing in the window?” 

“You’re such a dork,” you laughed, and the sound bounced off the pines and traveled up to the rock of the nearby Aluralura Mountain. “No, I’m not quite that close.” 

“Damn it!” 

“Yeah, it‘s a real shame,” you muttered, smiling, and then you caught sight of the supply box up ahead. The hill flattened out once more (to which you breathed a sigh of relief) and the box was perched on the edge facing the path that began onto the cliffs. This was Seungcheol’s territory - cliff sides and all. “I think I see Supply Box 52.”

“Open that bad boy up.” 

You entered the code, scrolling the mechanisms one by one until the numbers read 1-2-3-4 (you still thought this combination was ridiculous), and when you opened the lid it creaked horribly, worn from the weather. 

The wind was harsh that day, and a note, identical to the one you’d found at Eleison Valley, broke off its tape from the mean pushes of the wind. Instinctively, you grabbed it as it started to fly off, and your hand closed around it and crinkled it under your fingers. You looked at it with knitted brows. 

Wordlessly, you tucked it in between your side and your arm, redirecting your attention to the goodies in the supply box. 52 held a rope and a map and another directory for supply boxes and, to your exhausted delight, a box of grandma-looking caramels. You took the whole thing and stuffed it into your bag. 

As you shuffled, you put the note between your lips, stuffing the plastic container of gold-wrapped, sugary candies in between your rope and your own map and a coat for possible rain. When you zipped it up, the fabric of the bag warped grotesquely to fit the various items you’d brought. 

You pulled the note back out from your lips. A small wet patch of spit lingered on the paper, as you unfolded it. 

It read: 

‘Hey Seungcheol,

If you find this, I gotta go be with my mom now. I’ll miss you forever.

From Jun.’

The wind blew kisses on your back like the presence of a ghost.

“You find anything good?” Seungcheol’s voice peeked through the static of the radio. It had been quiet for a while. You couldn’t take your eyes off the letter. The ink was smudged and slurred. 

“Uh, caramels, actually,” you said, eyes dancing over each slope of ‘forever’. “Like, granny caramels.”

You put the letter away.  _____________________________

A week later and you were looking out of the window at pouring rain. The sky was smothered by a duvet of dark gray clouds, and the rain was coming harder than you’d ever seen. It was like thousands of bullets pelting into the ground and turning it soft and muddy, and the drops hit your roof like the nonstop click of a keyboard. 

"Rainy season, huh?” your mouth was to the radio. 

“Yeah. We’re gonna be staying up all night to watch out for lightning. Fire hazard.” 

“Shit, I should make coffee.” 

“I’m way ahead of you.” 

The lightning came and thunder followed. The sound was enormous and terrifying. It grumbled like a hungry beast and the sound bounced off of every mountain-wall and echoed from all sides. You felt very small, wrapped up in a blanket at your desk, a steaming cup of coffee by your side and your fire extinguisher evacuated from its holder to stand beside you, all red and shiny aluminum and rubber nozzle. 

“Did that look like it hit a tree?” you asked after seeing a zig-zagging bolt of lightning hanging a little too low over the crowns. Your voice was louder than usual - this night was a game of overpowering the screaming rain. It was some 1 AM.

“Uhhhhh, shit. Maybe. We’d see the fire, but it’s possible it’s at the root.” 

“Fuck,” you whispered. “Was that yours or my area?” 

“Uhhhhh-” 

“I’m gonna check it out.” 

Determined, you let the radio fall on the table, as you fumbled for another sweater. The knitted fabric slipped over your other sweater, and then you were wrapping yourself up in your raincoat.

“Maybe I should go - it’s slippery right now, it’s dangerous as fuck. You could fall and hit your head, you know. I think it was closer to me anyway, so--” 

“Seungcheol, I already have my coat on, I’m going!” 

And indeed you were going, despite the grumbled protests of Seungcheol. Your coat blew in the hurricane wind as you stood atop the cliff, looking down at the cascading water, that’d all race down to the sinkhole that was Fermata Lake. Through the clouds, there were no stars to trade glances with, not even ghosts.

You fought headwind the entire way, your hair flowing wildly and your coat threatening to unbutton at the will of the blasts. The ground under your rainboots had become mud and the further you trudged into the forest, the more the mud crept up your yellow shoe, slinging over you like liquid ropes. 

“I’m going down the drop off again!” you were screaming to overpower the wind, radio to your mouth before you dropped it into your pocket and retrieved your bag to regather your rope. 

“Be careful!” Seungcheol commandeered bitterly, muffled from your pocket. “It’s slippery as shit! Radio me immediately when you’re down, so I know you’re okay.” 

Even as your face grew wet and sore from the whipping rain, you scoffed. A gloved hand shoved into your pocket, brought the radio back up to your red lips: “Stop being such a pussy!” 

“Say yes, Y/n!” 

You rolled your eyes. “Aye, aye.”

“... I’ll take that, asshole.” 

Wet as a wipe, you slung your rope over the hook and prepared it in a slew of motions you’d by now memorized. Although, you noted your movements were awkward, somewhat impaired by the layers of fabric that encased you. Stubborn, you stood before the hook, grabbed onto the rope, and began walking backwards. 

Your booted foot curled around the edge of the cliffside, and with the tightened rope you began your careful horizontal walk. Raindrops pelted your face like a clenched fist, but you only blinked away the water and tried to focus on stepping carefully down the side of the rockface. 

KRRRRRRRRKKKKKK!

You screamed girlishly when your rope snapped from the hook, and you watched it come flying out over the ledge, before you realized, horrifically, you were already falling. 

It was barely a second, just one blurry image of the weeping sky, before you were on the ground, groaning in pain. A pulsing ache creeped up your spine, and you twisted your body in the mud to put the weight on your side. You sighed into the mud, dirt on your squished cheek. 

The rain was uncaring of your unfortunate situation, as you laid pathetically in the dirt, body scrunching up like an elastic, while your shadow was cast by sudden bursts of lightning. Panting, you pushed yourself up by your arms and felt blindly for your-

Where was your radio? 

Your pocket was deflated and empty, and you scrambled in the dirt, desperately, pushing yourself up completely to scan the area. You noted how the pain subsided into a small, dwindling soreness, thanking whatever God for your layers of clothing and the softness of the earth. 

There. A flash of yellow in your blurred vision, aided by another strike of lightning atop Aluralura Mountain. You picked up the worn, dirty radio in your heavy hand, pressing at its side. 

“Hello? Seungcheol?” 

There was no static to indicate your message had been relayed, and the usual red digital numbers telling you what channel you were on was gone, a simple, black screen remaining, mirroring your muddied face, twisted in anguish. 

“Fuck this,” you hissed, standing up on two legs. You looked back up to where your lookout tower was still ablaze, a yellow box in the heights. The rope was fucked. You had to go down anyway. Huffing, you started walking. 

You marched through the undergrowth, crossing through unpathed forest to reach the destination. It was near a hollow marked on your map, and so the expedition, although scarier, more empty and dark without Seungcheol's warm voice, was mild. 

Wet petals brushed your face from rows of bushes, and even through your gloves the cold left your fingertips numb. You sniffled in the dark. 

You found the hollow, then you found the tree. There was, indeed, ash going up the side of it, seemingly stemming from a smaller bush in the clearing, but the fire had been long put out by the insistent rain, and partially you felt disappointment that you’d trekked all the way out here, only for there to be no real danger. 

Heavier than ever, you turned your gaze to the glowing hut in the distance. 

You almost wanted to go back to your own hut, to turn your back to Seungcheol’s glowing tower and forget this ever happened. The anticipation of seeing him - of him seeing you - was a tall wall to overcome. But, you realized, not only was his tower closer; you also needed help. 

Your radio was fucked, your rope was fucked and moreover, you needed to be sure you hadn’t done irreparable damage to your back. With water dripping over the ledge of your hood, you began walking towards Seungcheol. 

Rainwater cascaded off the edge of the trees and the consistent dashed dots looked like tiny glass orbs in the light of Bay Valley Tower. It was intensely quiet for a while - it seemed like every bush-tailed critter of the forest had scuttered away to hide from the rain and the echoing growling of the sky. 

“Y/n!” 

You were so tired you almost could’ve missed it. Each layer of fabric weighed you down and the dirt smearing your cheeks and hands and fabrics could’ve melted you right into the earth. But indeed, a voice - so familiar it almost hurt - was calling to you in the dead of night.

“Seungcheol?” your first call was not a call, but a whisper, as you peered into the thick grooves of the forest. Then, your senses returned to you and you screamed as loud as you could: “Seungcheol!” 

“Y/n!”

You and Seungcheol called for each other, syllables echoing off the huge, towering presence Aluralura Mountain. Getting closer and then closer, and then you could see the figure of another raincoated person, shaded by a hood.

“Y/n? Oh, thank God!” He ran to you, swimming in the rubber of his red coat and pink lips peeking over the closed hood. 

It was a little paralyzing. He was so beautiful, you didn’t even know which speck of his shadowed face to look at. Tan, wet skin and big eyes from which the longest, blackest lashes you’d ever seen sprung. Most notable were his fuzzy, blocky eyebrows sitting over his brown eyes, fine wrinkles springing from the corners (you’d like to think you’d helped create some of those). His lips were big and bright and pouty, but it was wiped away when he smiled at the sight of you, and you could die, because a dimple indented itself in his cheek at the motion. 

“Are you okay?” his smile faded when you said nothing, only stared at him, and then stared at where his thick fingers wrapped around your arm. He leaned into you and God, you hadn’t seen him before this very moment, and now he was leaning over you and he was so close and he smelled like pinewood, and you were pretty sure you smelt exactly the same. 

You lowered yourself from your daze, trying to follow the pattering of rain atop both of your hoods. “Uh,” you gulped, finding his eyes, “yeah, I jus’... I thought you were joking when you said you weren’t white.” 

His laugh. His laugh was even prettier in person and it had the same rasp and the same disapproving hint to it that it had had at all your other jokes. “You’re unbelievable, you know that, Fermata?” 

“Bird watching is crazy, man.” 

He smiled and studied your face for a moment, still leaned over you and thoroughly ignoring the rain and the thunder and the dirt on your boots. Then the smile faded, just a little: “What happened to your radio?” 

“Oh- oh my God! Do you- do you remember my first day? The drop off! I fuckin’- fell down, my rope came undone on the hook! My radio was knocked the fuck out, it was crazy, I’m gonna need a new one-”

“Are you okay? You fell?” Seungcheol’s strong eyebrows became furrowed and the sight was so utterly mesmerizing to you. You waved him off: “I’ll be fine, please, I just want to get out of this weather.” 

Seungcheol did not seem to entirely believe you, but nonetheless he grabbed your hand - in his own rough, used one - and started leading you upwards (“If I don’t hold your hand, how can I be sure you don’t fall down another drop off?”).

Time was not as agonizingly slow by his size, and the tower seemed to propel towards you and the hands on your wristwatch seemed to move backwards. Not before long, you were climbing up the stairway with Seungcheol’s iron fist on your wrist, so as to prevent you from falling down something else (you had a feeling that he would not let this go). 

“I’m gonna make us some tea,” grumbled Seungcheol when you arrived.

“Yes, please,” you murmured. Your coat was folded beside you, starry raindrops soaking into a blanket thrown over his bed. 

It was warm in Seungcheol’s tower house - he had half a brain to put an electric heater in the corner of the room, unlike you - and it was only the sudden embrace of warmth that had you looking out into the park and realizing you would have frozen to death if you’d stayed. 

There was a warm glow from a naked bulb in the ceiling (you guessed Seungcheol had put it up himself), an old rug full of sand-corns, and a shelf with various books. Seungcheol also had a small kitchen, a desk and a bed, just like you. The layout was exactly the same, but sitting down on Seungcheol’s bed, you noted he must’ve made some alterations. Your fingers pulled at the white of the mattress - it was his own and it was much softer.  

When the electric kettle (a rusted, iron old thing) was cooking, Seungcheol turned to you sheepishly and unzipped his coat. You waited in secret anticipation for his supposedly smoking-hot bod, but were disappointed to see another sweater underneath it. 

Seungcheol stopped the kettle and took two large mugs from his cupboard. These, he placed on a carved tray (you thought he might have made it himself from pinewood), and then from a small, wooden tea box on his countertop, he produced two bright yellow tea packets, which he gently placed in the mugs. Then he poured in the water, steam traveling up to open his pores and whatnot. 

“Do you want anything in yours?” he asked, not really looking. 

“Uhm. No, no, thank you,” your hands were folded in your lap. 

He only grunted in response and left one tea untouched, then took a clear, plastic container of honey from an array of unrefrigerated condiments, and squirted half the bottle into his tea. He sniffled when he was done, grabbing the tray and turning to you. Tonight, Seungcheol was uncharacteristically nervous.

“Can you-?”

“Hm?”

“That little- little table over there-”

“What?”

“Can you grab it?- For- for the tray?” 

“Oh, yeah, sure.” 

The tea sat on the tray and the tray sat on the foldable table and you and Seungcheol sat before them on the edge of his bed. You took the hefty mug in your hand and took a slurp, looking over at him from the rim. Seungcheol looked at you awkwardly. He did not move for his tea. 

“I should take a look at your back,” he said. 

“What? Why?” you quacked disapprovingly. “You fell on it,” Seungcheol reminded you.

You shook your head silently. “I like your hut. It’s way better than mine.” 

“I’ve been here longer,” Seungcheol shrugged. You looked at him and he seemed displeased - this would not have been a big deal were you speaking to him on the radio, but his aura was much more commanding in person - something about his eyes, you thought. You had to look away, settling on your mug again (there was a cartoon dog on it). 

“I suppose that’s true,” you murmured. Seungcheol stared into the side of your face and his obvious concern for you weighed down at your muscles. 

A gentle pause where rain pattered his roof. 

“Are you okay?” 

You glanced over, nervously: “Tired.” 

He bit his lip: “Maybe I should’ve made coffee... Can we put instant coffee in tea?” 

“Seungcheol, I wanted to ask you something,” you said and put your mug down on the tray again with a small ‘clink’. Seungcheol rubbed his hands over his trouser-clad thighs, nodding, maybe more nervous than you. The warm glow of the bulb made him even prettier and all was warm and dry in the hut, even though rain was falling down in thick curtains just outside by the troughs. “It’s just..” you began, “you’ve been so avoidant about this.. Jun guy..”

Seungcheol’s sigh interrupted you before you could finish: “He was just the guy that worked here before you.” 

“I found another letter.”

Seungcheol’s furrowed expression softened and he looked at you with big, glassy brown eyes, hidden under a waft of choppy bangs. What was that in the shine of his pupil? Fear? Vulnerability? Sadness?

“It was about- it said he was gonna go be with his mother and that- that he would miss you,” you explained and your voice was snotty and throaty, and your eyes averted to a folded napkin beside a half-eaten slice of bread. A fly circulated it hungrily. 

Seungcheol’s lips made a tight line, dimples poking out pathetically. He cleared his throat and you heard the strain in his vocal chords once more (and it was so real because there he was - right beside you). 

“Me and Junhui came here together. We’d just finished college and we didn’t want-.. We didn’t want to be adults yet. Like, an office job, wife and kids,” he began and there was a tremor about Seungcheol tonight. “I don’t think he was made for a job like this though. I think the loneliness got to him.. Think he just lived with it ‘cause he could tell I liked it.” 

You nodded along until he wasn’t speaking anymore. Then a thick silence absorbed the two of you, a patch of moss drowned in the downpour. 

“His mom was dead, so..” he whispered. Tears gathered at his waterline like a string of stars. “So, yeah, he went to.. To be with her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Seungcheol,” you whispered and the echoing whispers of the storm bouncing off the rock faces of Aluralura mountain beckoned your hand onto his woolen sleeve. “I had no idea.” 

“They never found his body, you know? He’s just out there, somewhere,” both you and Seungcheol turned your heads out to the pitch black expanse of the massive park. Your mind wandered to every crook and crevice you’d seen out there, wondering if a dead body had hidden behind a quarry rock. “Fuckin’ terrified I’ll find him one day. Just… Rotten.” 

You didn’t know what to say. What do you say? Even though you’d stood in a similar situation - losing a friend - you couldn’t find anything that could ease his pain, the pain that was now tinting the light blue and dulling the sound of the rain. The whole room was pulsating. Luckily, it seemed Seungcheol had something more to say. You watched his lips pucker as the words tried to leave his tongue, then watched them draw back. 

“He used to.. He used to say this thing. It reminded me so much of what you- you said that night about, uhm, your friend’s friend. He used to say that- that sometimes he’d wake up in the middle of the night and he’d just be.. Totally.. Convinced that he was at the bottom of Fermata Lake and he was drowning,” Seungcheol’s voice broke one too many times and his jaw clenched. “God, I was so worried. Jus’ thought I couldn’t- I couldn’t be the reason that happened again.” 

“I…” A tear slipped down your face and your hand left Seungcheol’s arm to wipe it, furiously.He turned to you pitifully, the broad width of his shoulders hanging low. “I’m sorry- you weren’t meant to feel that way-”

“It’s okay. I wanted to help,” Seungcheol grabbed your hands in his, a deep frown on his lips. 

You stopped the tears, face burning hot and wet when you looked up at him again, calmed. His thumbs stroked over the backs of your hands. The pads were rough and beaten. 

“Y’know it was sort of the same for me,” you said. Seungcheol waited for you to talk patiently and with a small, encouraging smile, as warmth streamed from his hands into yours.

“Yeah, my- uh roommate - best friend - died. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how I found him, like, his hand was just outstretched towards- towards the wall to my room, and he must’ve just lied there while his heart was giving out and I wasn’t there-... And I found him the next morning like that and I thought he was asleep and I left him there. Again. And I just can’t stop seeing him everywhere and for a while I was afraid that he would move, you know, like, start crawling towards me or some shit, but I think now I’m actually more afraid that he’ll never move. I think that’s the joke or whatever, he just won’t move, he’ll just be there the way I left him- and I guess- I guess, I thought I could find some sort of higher purpose out here, but I just can’t.. I feel more as though.. Like, it was these things that took him away from me, these fundamental parts of- existence. Like all the cliffs have evil faces and they want to take me too, and maybe I did want them to take me, but not- not anymore. I don’t know if that makes any sense?” 

You peered up at Seungcheol through your lashes, wet and heavy. He was frowning, hands gripping yours tighter.

“You don’t want them to take you anymore?” he asked quietly. You shook your head. “How so?”

“Honestly, I don’t think it has much to do with me or the park. I think-” you gaze flitted to Seungcheol and he smiled knowingly. You scoffed and smiled too. 

Although you both were fully clothed (Seungcheol annoyingly so), it felt as if all the layers had been stripped away one by one; sweaters and trousers, skin and meat and bones. All there was left were two brightly glowing hearts in front of one another. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered then. “You don’t have to say it.”

You rolled your eyes: “I think it’s because of you.” 

He grinned, wrinkles crinkling the corners of his eyes and cheeks bunching up in shiny, red fat. You poorly suppressed your own grin and the two of you leaned into each other when your eyes hooked, laughing into each other's shoulders.

“You’re so dumb,” you complained, forehead scratching against the stiff, knitted threads in Seungcheol’s shirt. 

“I think- I think we both jus’ get dumber together,” you could feel his smile into your neck and the hot stream of air that bounced against the skin. 

Right as you were about to pull away, Seungcheol’s arms wrapped around your back and pushed you back into him. You giggled at the motion, but with little thought your own arms wrapped around his back too, and your knees clashed where they met. 

“Seungcheol?” your voice was muffled by his neck. His only response was hum, that ruminated from deep in his throat right by your ear. You pulled away until you were staring at his face. 

Each thick stroke of eyebrow hair, each long, black eyelash and each mole dotted on his softly aging skin was crystal clear then. Your hands wrapped around his biceps and felt your heart buzz at their pronounced carvings under the wool. Seungcheol smiled down at you in a sort of adoring way.

“I think-” you began, then felt stupid, then felt idiotic and cowardly. “I don’t know- I think we should kiss now?” 

It came out as more of a question than a statement. 

Seungcheol gravelled a laugh and his eyes became all squinty and he pursed his lips as if it concealed his amusement in any way at how you squirmed beneath him and your face heated up. 

“I think you’re right,” he nodded and you could barely register the feeling of joy that exploded in your chest, before Seungcheol’s pillowy lips crashed into yours at the same instance as a crack of thunder. 

The lightning was a flickering show to the performance of yours and Seungcheol’s passionate kiss. His lips molded to yours and yours to his, warm and chapped and your hands couldn’t help but wrap around the soft planes of his cheeks - to pull him further, to keep him with you. 

Seungcheol grappled for your hips, and you moaned in a sort of discombobulated agreement, as he, with shocking ease, pulled you into his lap. His hands on your body, stroking and pressing into the meat, left a burning ghostly trail behind it. 

“Can I be honest?” you mumbled in between bitten kisses and panted breaths. “You’re hotter than I imagined.” 

Seungcheol smiled into the kiss at that: “You too, baby. Now you get the real thing, hm? After fucking your sweet pussy thinking about me?” 

You whined in response, hips canting down into his and head dropping into the warm crook of his neck. You licked mindlessly at the skin, rolling your hips into his. Seungcheol groaned and steel hands halted your eager core. 

“Desperate so quick?” he quirked, and you cried out because how could even begin to describe how hot it was that he could entirely still your movements so nonchalantly? You swallowed before you tilted your head from the safety of his neck. 

“I have waited so fucking long for your cock, Cheol. I need it inside me now,” you said seriously, and it was his turn to swallow the rising viscous in his throat, before he nodded and pushed you off his lap to remove his trousers. 

You saw the way the metal of the belt reflected the light, as he (almost angrily) began journeying it off his middle, and you took the hint, beginning to discard your clothes. Your first sweater fell to the floor, then the next followed, and then you were stomping the floor to rid your soaked trousers. Another article of clothing that was soaked - your panties! And embarrassingly so, you thought, watching the slick, wet patch as you lowered the material to the floor. 

Only then did your attention return to Seungcheol, now fully naked in his hut with windows on all sides, and you audibly gasped. 

His torso was one huge slab of muscle and meat. The skin was relatively pale, pronounced pecs and his arms were like tree trunks at his sides. His thighs were fucking huge, indentations of muscles peering through his skin, as he impatiently worked his boxers off. 

He halted though at your gasp, smirking cockily before returning to his work.

“Is it as good as you imagined when you came thinkin’ ‘bout me?” he muttered as his boxers slid down his calf. Too busy staring at his girthy, leaking cock sprouting between his legs, you neglected to answer and Seungcheol continued in a deliberately raspy tone: “Jus’ thinking about your pretty moans, my cock’s aching for you, princess. You’re not gonna come warm it up, beautiful?” 

“Yes-” you stumbled over a treacherous boot, “yes, I am!” 

“Good girl,” Seungcheol rumbled, bemused, as your knees floundered into the mattress and back into his lap. Seungcheol seemed to have other plans, however, because as soon as you had found your footing, and his warm hands were sliding up your back and his neck was craned up to you, breath hitting your breasts, he raised you and flipped you over, so you were digging into the mattress and he was above you. The shadows only served to define the chisel of his arms further. 

His hand slid down your soft thighs, settling in between your legs to run two fingers through your folds. 

“Your pussy is so pretty,” he whispered, somewhat mesmerized at the slick coating his fingertips. You squirmed impatiently and he shushed you, ever so gently: “Shh, baby, I’ll take care of you.” 

Immediately following up on his promise, the two fingers snaked down to your sensitive, pulsing hole, prodding gently. You wiggled and whined, one of your hands (which had been gripping his bedsheets) stopped him at the wrist. He stopped, eyes flitting up to your flushed, shiny face questioningly. 

“I wan’ your cock now. No prep,” you scowled, strands of hair sticking out messily. Seungcheol frowned. 

“I need to-” 

“I’m wet enough, please, been thinkin’ ‘bout this since-..” you cut yourself off with a frustrated sigh, eyebrows knitted together in frustration. Seungcheol couldn’t help but smile at how fucked out you were already, so precious, all beautiful and naked and womanly. 

“You sure?” he asked, voice matching the depth of the thunder. You nodded eagerly: “Please, please-” 

“Okay,” he murmured, sticky hand leaving your burning pussy in favor of pressing it against the underside of your thigh. At the command of his strong hands, your body folded in half and the realization of your position had you crying out pathetically. “Anything for my beautiful baby.” 

My. His. The word choice had you clenching around nothing, all spread out for him while he lined his pretty, red cock up with your entrance. 

“Gonna feel real full in a minute, yeah?” he said absently, watching intently at how your pretty pussy was splayed out and ready and aching for him, mind reeling at the sight of you and the smell of you and how you felt under his hands. 

And suddenly it was there - a mountain of pressure building around the head of his cock as it pushed inside, bursting when he pushed in a little further, until he was fully nestled inside. Seungcheol was not unaffected, body curling over yours animalistically with a deep, throaty groan. You, too, had to squirm and moan wantonly, as your body shone under the bulb. 

“You’re so tight, pretty,” Seungcheol managed, face scrunched up, as his pelvis met your pubic bone. His hands gripped your shaking legs once more, fully folding you in half and you cried as the movement invited him further inside, feeling him brush the spongy spot inside you. 

“Feel s’good!” you moaned, even as he hadn’t moved yet, and Seungcheol’s hands squeezed you in response. 

Experimentally (perhaps fearful, as you had rushed into it without preparation), Seungcheol thrust shallowly and was pleased at your broken cry, so he did it again and then again, and then he was building up a rhythm and your sultry moans were slipping through the cracks of the hut and bouncing off the walls of Aluralura mountain and echoing twenty times over. 

There was nothing sweet about the pace of Seungcheol’s hips. He was pistoning in and out with an impressive agility, huffing over your folded body. It was desperation; the way your nails raked over his back and his sloping arms, and sweet, little whimpers and your pussy choking his cock. 

“Sweetest, prettiest-” he squeezed his eyes shut and groaned, stomach caving inwards and clenching. “Fuck, cutest, little princess being stuffed full of my cock.”

“Love your cock,” you babbled, “Love- love your cock, love you.” 

The words slipped out as if they were nothing, but their meaning was solidified by your raking hand sneaking up to his neck and pulling him down into another sloppy kiss. Tongues melding and spit trickling down your chin as he hummed into your mouth in the most wonderful way. 

“Love you, too. Pretty, funny, sweet girl-” 

“A-ah, ‘m gonna cum soon,” you warned, voice nothing but a breath, and your face pleasured, scrunched up in the dead of night. Your stomach was a well of pressure.

“I know, baby, I know. Squeezing me so tight,” he soothed, hands running up and down the plush underside of your thighs, as his hips continued their unrelenting pace. “Come on, cum on my cock.” 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Seungcheol-” a string of curses and his name followed as your pussy clenched one last hard time and your cum seeped out around his thick, veiny length.

Holding his own orgasm at bay, he clenched his jaw and gritted out: “Where d’you want my cum?” 

“Inside!” you mewled, overstimulated and sore, and legs still pressed to your chest, clammy and slick. 

Seungcheol would’ve made a snarky remark was he not already cumming at your words, white seed painting your insides and spilling out around his softening length. He thrust a couple more times, relishing in the sounds of your fucked-out moans before he’d emptied himself, and he dropped down beside you. 

Due to the nature of a one-person bed, you and Seungcheol were both pressed close to one another, covered in sweat. Your panting, huffing breaths synchronized and you stared into each other's eyes, all wild and blushed. 

“Holy shit,” you whispered, brought back to reality by a distant calling owl. You were still in the park, you realized - not some other pleasure dimension like one may have thought. Seungcheol smiled giddily.

You looked out into the wasteland, and your eyelids and limbs (draping over Seungcheol’s big, pretty body) were suddenly heavy. You yawned.

“D’you think we have to stay up anymore?”

Seungcheol watched you gauging the pinelands with starry eyes. “You can go to bed,” he offered gently, “I’ll stay up and make sure the storm’s over.” 

“Are you sure?” you mumbled, but you were already settling into the domes of his chest, closing your eyes. Seungcheol looked at you and thought you were adorable. 

“Yeah.” 

“Can you stay here?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can your dick stay inside me?” 

This prompted a laughter blooming all the way from his chest, where your cheek bunched up against the skin. His arm was wrapped around your back. 

“Sure, baby.” 

You mumbled something like ‘okay’ or ‘good’ or ‘thank you’, and you drifted off into sleep with his arms around you, and when Seungcheol was certain the storm had passed, he nuzzled his head into your hair and dozed off himself. 

At the swimming red sky of dawn, your eyes pried open to see Seungcheol already awake, still wrapped around you. 

Nonchalantly (that is to say: as if your chest was not bursting with glee), you nodded your head over to the window behind him:

“Is that not a black-billed cuckoo?!” 

And Seungcheol thought that maybe you and him could find birds together elsewhere too. 

[ax-y10]

promise

in which; wilbur comes home late and exhausted and brushes past his daughter

about; dad!bur au, so many different perspectives, angst to fluff, i wrote this in two hours very late at night so it's not the best, kisses, fighting, crying, wilbur being bad bad, wilbur ignoring your daughter, swearing, happy ending yayay, gender neutral, i think y/n is used once, anything along these lines

word count; 1.7k

taglist; @phxntomsdusk, @pheliiaa (ask to be added)

you heard the front door creak open, and you sent your daughter down to greet him. you stayed in her room, however, overthinking.

he was home late again from the studio, writing and figuring out songs for the new album. he was working hard, but was starting to forget about who lay at home, waiting for him.

you and your daughter made good use of time during the day when he wasn’t there. making little animals out of playdoh, making dinner for wilbur when he got home, or making silly stories with each other. however, it didn’t feel right.

it didn’t feel like when wilbur had promised to spend every waking moment with you and your daughter. he had promised that if it came to it, he would give up lovejoy, give up streaming, give up everything, to spend all of eternity with you both. but now, he wasn’t keeping the promise fulfilled.

you were cut off by the urgent footsteps of your daughter, and a very teary-eyed girl standing in the doorway. scooping her up, you cradle her against your chest and swing her back and forth, trying to cheer her up.

eventually, you had to break her walls and ask what was wrong.

“what happened? why’re you upset?”

“daddy…”

she was cut off by a loud sob erupting from her throat. she was just so heartbroken

“what did daddy do, sweetheart? do i need to go talk to him?”

it was a great effort trying to get a reason out in between her sobs and shaky breaths, but eventually, she got something out.

“daddy- he- he walked past me. i said hello and tried to hug him, but- but he- he didn’t say hello back. i offered the cupcakes and his- his dinner to him, but he just walked into his room. he just ‘hmphed’ and… ignored me.”

you were heartbroken by this point. he had left his daughter in tears, and his lover heartbroken, but you couldn’t keep sulking with your daughter.

cut to now. you were standing in your shared room with wilbur, arguing back and forth. stupid arguments spewed from his mouth, and sounds of disbelief spewed from yours. you were frustrated from his pure ignorance and bullshit excuses.

“i’m tired! do you not see that! you have to realise i don’t have all the time in the world to be with the people i love most! for fucks sake, you give no one a break, do you!”

each word spilled from his mouth shattered your heart. he didn’t understand.

“all you are worried about is me! all you are worried about is our daughter! all you are worried about is the little stupid things that do not need to have your mind occupied!”

he shouted more and more silly things, clearly not realising what he was saying.

“but that’s what we’re meant to be worried abou-“

“i don’t care! you need to stop! you need to calm the fuck down, sit the fuck down, and stop worrying. i get it, our daughter is very much upset, but im here, and im tired!”

why was he worried about himself?

“you quite simply ignored our daughter as soon as you opened that door! she offered everything her little mind could think of! the cupcakes we made today, the dinner we made for you, she said hello and tried to hug you and you walked past her, groaned, and ignored her! you’ve left her in tears in her bedroom, absolutely heartbroken, because of you! are you fucking brain dead, wilbur!”

he wasn’t going to deny that your words hurt him more than his hurt you. he was only just realising how much he was away from you and his daughter. how much time was spent without the smiling faces of the little love bugs that he leaves at home each day. he didn’t know what had gotten into hi-

“what happened to ‘i’ll give up everything. i’ll give up lovejoy, streaming, ill give up everything, to spend all of eternity with you’! you aren’t here anymore! you’re either not at home or you’re off with the fairies! what happened to us! are we not important! what happened to your family, wilbur! you must be fucking stupid, you bastard!”

that was the last thing he needed before he fell onto the bed and let the floodgates open. he hadn’t realised how much time he had spent away from you both. he was always worried about the release date of the next ep, or always occupied by something else. it must have been months since he truly recognised the warm smile of his daughter or the honey-sweet laugh of you. he didn’t realise that he was slipping down the same rabbit hole every one he knew was falling down. he needed to be present.

you were both fuming. you were pissed and he was frustrated.

it took him a good five minutes to register that you were gone. that you hadn’t offered him a hug, or a kiss, or even something as simple as a head rub. you had just walked off…

he immediately stood up and almost ran to his daughters room. he looked everywhere. you weren’t in there. you weren’t in the guest room, or the lounge room, or the bathroom, or even the kitchen. you were literally gone.

he was about to break down again, lose himself to panic, until the soft, wet laughs from his daughter reached his ears.

he found you both outside, your daughter laying in the grass, you tickling her. she had dried tear tracks on her face and red puffy eyes, you with the same. god she looked like you-

until the day he dies, he will never believe that your daughter looks like him. she has your hair, your eyes, your nose, your mouth. she has your beauty.

he sat down next to you after your daughter saw him and her smile dropped. he’d done so wrong-

“can i apologi-“

“wilbur go inside.”

“darling, plea-“

“wilbur.”

he stood once again and stepped inside. he grabbed his dinner and sat at the kitchen island. he let his eyes roam over every photo of you, of your daughter, of you and your daughter, of him and your daughter, of all of you-

he ate his dinner before it went cold, the small bowl of mac n’ cheese and mashed potato swallowed down before he trudged back to your shared room. he laid down and fell asleep almost instantly. he didn’t want the guilt to set in and ruin anything else.

meanwhile, you and your daughter were still laughing and rolling around in the grass. just before wilbur came out wanting to apologise, you had just calmed her down from her sobs and cries. she had voiced so many small sentences that were so incomprehensible, the sentence that you did catch was so heart-wrenching, you started crying again.

“do you and daddy still love me?”

you sobbed and endured shaky breaths but you got through it just for her.

“yes, of course, pumpkin. please don’t ever think we don’t love you.”

a shower and fresh set of pyjamas later, your daughter was asleep in her room, and you were pacing the lounge room, figuring out what to do.

do you sleep on the couch? do you sleep with wilbur? do you sleep in your daughters room? you simply didn’t know.

settling for your shared bedroom, you make your way to where wilbur was fast asleep, small breaths moving the curls on his head and the slight twitch in his arm from where you were absent.

you crawl under the sheets behind him, ignoring the slight hiccup in his sleep, and falling asleep with your head buried in his sleep shirt. the faint scent of cologne and rain luring you into sleep.

you woke to wilbur’s calloused fingers running across your face and through your hair, and finding rest on your shoulders. his slight bed head and tired face making him even prettier than usual. he’ll always dent that he looks pretty in the mornings, claiming that he looks weird with his messy hair or that his breath stinks, but everything is always brushed off with a wide smile from you and a kiss placed under his eye.

but as soon as the warm feeling came, it was pulled away as soon as he realised you had woken up. he thought that you were still angry at him, that you would get angry at him for being so close to you after last night. but he was surprised when he felt you move and pull his hand back to you face.

he continued his small gestures across your face, staring at your sleepy face maybe just a little longer than he should be, considering how horrible of a person he was last night. how absolutely self-centred he was, how he ignored your daughte-

“stop worrying, wil. i’m not angry.”

“i’m so sorry, for last nigh-”

“sweet, don’t apologise right now.”

“just let me, please?”

when he was met with a small nod, he continued.

“i’m so so so sorry about last night. i don’t know what had gotten in to me that made me ignore the two most beautiful things i call mine, but i feel absolutely horrible. i should not have said anything that i said. i shouldn’t have been so self-centred, i shouldn’t have ignored our daughter, i shouldn’t have argued with you. i’m sorry. i really am. and im sorry for not sticking by that promise. i promise that you and our daughter are going to be my number one priority from here on out. i love you.”

he finished his apology with a kiss to your forehead, to your nose, and finally to your lips. he threaded his hands back into your hair, and pulled off his shirt and gave it to you to keep you warm.

soon, your little ball of happiness walked into the room, laughing at the sight of you in wilbur’s shirt and him tickling you. you all calmed down eventually, and let your daughter climb into bed with both of you.

wilbur immediately smothered her in tight hugs and ticklish kisses pressed against her face. he apologised to her for ignoring her and made sure that she believed him before he dropped the subject.

you all spent the entire day doing things together. making playdoh animals, with wilbur. making dinner, with wilbur. making up silly stories, with wilbur. he was included in everything you did.

[beeloovedd]

Earth emotions

Tw!: Crying, overthinking, pronoun confusion, gender dysphoria, Newly summoned Phantom, I was listening to Mitski while writing this so yea

Credits to @wrathofrats for the dividers as always <3

🫶

Phantom whines quietly as he looks at himself in the mirror

He thinks maybe he's just going crazy, maybe he did something wrong, maybe he's broken?

Everytime he hears someone always say "he" or "him" when referring to him it makes him feel weird

He doesn't like it

Well, he doesn't hate it but constantly hearing he and him is getting old and doesn't feel right

He tried to tell Swiss but Swiss said he's probably just sick and explained to him what earth sickness are, that was scary

But the miscommunication may have been a bit on Phantoms part since he only told Swiss that he didn't feel good

Swiss just told him to go get some rest and he'd ask Mountain to bring him some tea for him and Phantom when he finished restringing the guitar

He tried to find the words to explain that he didn't like being called he or him that much but his brain was running at 100 miles per hour and his words? Not so fast

Phantom wipes his eyes as they water

He's a little bit familiar with the water coming out of his eyes or crying as they call it apparently

But last time he cried it was from happy tears after Cumulus crocheted him a small bat stuffed animal on the tour bus

But these tears felt different, not happy

More salty and bad feeling

He didn't like it but doesn't know what to do, he's supposed to be resting

He sniffles and takes a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom and laying on the bed

He holds the crocheted bat tightly to his chest as an attempt to muffle his crying

He hears the door open and he curls up more under the blanket, wanting to just disappear

"Swiss told me you weren't feeling goo- Hey you ok?" Mountain says as he carefully sets down the two glasses of tea in the bedside table and sits on the bed

Phantom whimpers quietly, not trying too but it slips out accidentally

"here, I'm gonna carefully lower the blanket, ok?" Mountain says, putting his hands on the edge of the blanket but waiting for approval

Phantom sniffles but nods and Mountain pulls off the covers

Mountains eyes soften at the sight and he gently runs a hand through phantoms hair

Phantom wipes his eyes, embarrassed yet thankful the comfort

"what's wrong bug?" Mountain says gently

Phantom looks up at him with glossy eyes, holding on to the bat plush tightly

"there's something wrong with me Mount" he says quietly, his voice breaking slightly

Mountain hums quietly. Concerned and confused as he continues to pet Phantom's hair

"There's nothing wrong with you Phantom, Swiss said you were feeling sick, is that what you mean?" Mountain asks, a bit more concerned now

Phantom sniffles

"no!" He says a bit louder

Mountain flinches and his hand pulls back. Not expecting the sudden raise of tone

Phantom also jerks back, not expecting his own tone changing

His eyes get watery and he hides his face in the stuffed animal

"i-im sorry" he says quietly

He sniffles and his mind yells at him again

"Am I broken M-Mountain?" He asks as tears begin to fall

Mountain's heart breaks and he rests a hand on Phantom's shoulder

"your not broken Phantom"

Phantom sniffles and shakes his head

"I think I am" he says as more tears fall

"Come here, bug" Mountain says as he opens his arms

Phantom looks up at him then hesitates before flying into his arms

He hides in the crook of his neck, continuing to cry

Mountain hugs him tightly, hands rubbing and tracing shapes on his back soothingly

After waiting patiently for a few minutes Phantom's sobs start to calm down

"im sorry" Phantom says quietly

"it's ok" Mountain says, kissing his head

He waits a few more minutes to calm down before talking again

Phantom takes a deep breath before speaking again

"Mountain?" He says quietly

"Yea bug?" Mountain says, running a hand up and down his back again

"feelings on earth are confusing" he says as he hides more in his neck

Mountain chuckles

"that they are" he says with a smile

"do you ever not like he?" Phantom asks hoping Mountain will understand him, though knowing he doesn't really make much sense

"What do you mean Hun?" Mountain asks, a bit confused but waiting so he can part the words together

"like.. Everytime someone says "he" or "his" when talking about me. It feels.. icky" he says quietly, his words not coming out fully and wanting to just curl up and disappear again for a bit

Mountain hums quietly to think and soothe Phantom's nerves

"Oh? Would you rather be called she? Or they? Or something else?" Mountain asks, getting the idea of where this is going

"is.. all of it possible? But with he sometimes?" Phantom says, very thankful that Mountain is understanding it

"Yea! you tell me what you wanna be called and If you want people to say she or they or he when talking about you. We can go tell them, ok?" Mountain says with a gentle smile

"is that allowed?" Phantom asks with small hint of hesitation

Mountain chuckles and runs a hand through his hair

"Yea it's allowed bug"

"Really?" Phantom asks with a small smile now creeping up on his lips

"yep! You know how Rain goes by they and them sometimes? That's perfectly fine"

Phantom just thought that's how they just were, he didn't know that they most likely went through this too

Phantom smiles and pulls away a bit to look at Mountain

"then.. can I be a he, a they and a she?"

Mountain smiles

"yup!" He says as he gently taps Phantom's nose

Phantom laughs and smiles

"Oh and here, I brought you some tea, we'll have to tell Swiss about the miscommunication" Mountain says with a laugh

"thank you" Phantom says then hugs mountain quickly before taking the tea and taking a sip

Earth emotions are confusing and scary at times

But in the end everything will be alright

🫶

[sarukui]

natsume yuujinchou s7: ep 1 ramblings

a rambling for all my favorite moments and thoughts to the premiere episode of natsuyuu s7! op and ending included. welcome back natsume yuujinchou anime!!!!!

beware of ep 1 spoilers below the cut:

the op starting off with natsume, happily riding a bike, that he learned through friends, with nyanko sensei sitting in the basket has me sooooooo emotional. what i love about the op is how joyful natsume looks. how past op's had scenes that depicted his hardships and his loneliness, but this one really focused on his happiness, the friends, both human and yokai, he has made along the journey, those that he treasures deeply. i love how natsume has a smile throughout it.

obligatory mention of these two; i cannot wait until their chapter(s) get animated this season.

CRYING SOBBING REIKO!!!!!!! natsume's hand! i LOVE how its depicted as reiko reaching out to natsume and him grabbing onto her hand. i sobbed. this undoubtedly was my favorite part of the op.

this manga chapter was one of my favorites simply for the iconic mini sensei vessel and i'm glad to see it animated. when the opening played of the baseball shattering the sculpture, i already could feel myself tearing up a bit for what's to come. thankfully, the episode eases us into it and there's so many wholesome and hilarious moments leading up to it.

welcome back sensei LMFAO

nyanko sensei is not amused. cuteness galore though.

i understand sensei's priorities.

don't leave mini sensei!

i'm OBSESSED. look at mini sensei go.

:'((((((((((((

a part of me wishes that natsume and nyanko sensei joined mini sensei on his little journey LMFAO

im endeared.

i have so many words for the ed. i love the transition between seasons. the art style used. my most favorite part is the final bit with the dandelions and the camera angle pans with the flowers flying.

AAAAAAAAAAA next ep! i hadnt expected it so soon and even thought maybe it could be a season finale ep. i'm so excited.

[bullet-prooflove]

Vanished!Series Part Five: Leah - Mike Duarte x Reader (feat: Joe Velasco)

Tagging: @mysoulisasunflower @resonmalvo @littleone65 @thesandbeneathmytoes @mydarkestsecretlol @evee87 @wooshwastaken @hearthockey @justreblogginfics @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @rosaliedepp @thatesqcrush @storiesofsvu @whateversomethingbruh @burningpeachpuppy @legit9thlunaticwarrior @kiwiithecrazybird @spooky-pomegranate @telepathay @weiwei0210 @spaghettificationandpretzels @plaidbooks @witches-unruly-heart @magic-multicolored-miracle @rosaliedepp @cycat4077 @deekaag @cixrosie @upsteadlogic @imaginecrushes @anime-weeb-4-life @hey-dw @alwaysachorusgirl @nu1freakshow

Vanished!Series:

Call Waiting - Joe worries when you don’t check in.

Two Weeks - Mike learns more about the UC assignment you’ve been working.

Chemistry - Mike and Joe work out your location.

Live Ammo - Mike and you discuss the elephant in the room.

Mike tries not to cry when he sees his baby for the first time. Your hand is clasped in his, gripping it so tightly that your nails leave indentations in his flesh. He doesn’t care about the pain; he just needs to know that both you and the baby are safe.

When he sees the tiny white jellybean on the screen, his breath catches in his throat because that’s his baby, the one that you made together in an act of love. He can’t believe it; the emotion settles in his chest as he looks towards the doctor.

“Are they…” he can’t bring himself to ask the question.

“Strong heartbeat, good foetal movement, they’re development is on track for their due date. Baby Duarte seems happy and healthy, just like mom.”

Mike can’t describe the relief he feels in that moment. He releases the breath that he’s been holding, and it comes out choked like a sob. When he tilts his head to look at you, he can see the tears on your cheeks, and he knows you feel exactly the same way.

“We’re having a baby.” He whispers, his lips brushing over your knuckles. “I can’t believe we’re having a baby.”

***

Mike keeps the sonogram in his wallet, he wants to put it on the fridge, but he curbs the impulse because Velasco’s on route with Leah and that’s not the way he wants the other man to find out about your pregnancy. It’s already going to be a difficult enough conversation without Mike flaunting it in his face.

You’re curled up on the couch under your favourite grey blanket when Mike let’s Velasco into the apartment.

Take some time to rest, the doctor had told you, you’ve been under a lot of stress.

It’s been cleared by the department; Devero had had no choice after everything that had unfolded. You entire being lights up when you lay eyes on Leah. Velasco’s bundled her up in a lavender jacket and a white bobble hat. He’s careful as he removes them, smiling and murmuring to her before he sets them down on the back of the chair. He hands her over to you and something in your heart just soothes, you don’t have the words to describe how much you missed your daughter, what it feels like to have her back in your arms.

Velasco slides the overnight bag off his shoulder before giving it to Mike.

“Her bunny’s in there with her blankey and everything else.” He tells the other man, as he unzips one of the pockets to show Mike. “She should be ready for her nap soon.”

Already Leah’s starting to nod off, you can feel her small body relax against your shoulder as your lips brush over the top of her head. Her eyelids flutter closed, and you know that this is where you’re going to be spending the rest of your evening.

“Joe,” You say quietly as you cuddle your daughter. “Can you stay a sec? We need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure.” He says taking the seat across from you, his hands clasped together as he studies you. “You doing ok? If you need me to take her for a little longer...”

“Joe…” You say softly stopping him in his tracks. “I found out I was pregnant when I went undercover.”

His brows furrow into a frown before his gaze slips to Mike for an explanation.

“My vasectomy failed.”

You see the moment it dawns on him, the ramifications of it. His eyes stray to Leah who’s nestled in your arms, her tiny fist clutching onto your shirt. He swallows hard against the well of emotion in his chest. It hurts, it hurts so fucking badly that for a second, he can’t breathe.

“Are you saying she isn’t mine?” He asks you, his voice breaks and so does your heart.

“We don’t know.” You say quietly as your palm smooths over Leah’s head. “We’d have to get her tested and I didn’t want to do that until after I’d spoken to you. Right now, we don’t know who her father is, we can keep going the way we have been, you’ve been Leah’s dad in every sense of the word…”

“And you’d be good with that?” Joe asks Mike, his voice raising an octave. “Knowing that there’s a possibility that I could be parenting your child?”

Mike purses his lips together grimly, his gaze lowering as he rubs his hands together. The truth is he’s not ok with that, he doesn’t want another man on his territory, raising his family. The two of you haven’t had a chance to talk about the implications of what happens if Leah is his.

“I didn’t think so.” Joe says bitterly before he sags back in his seat. “How quickly can we get the results?”

“The doctor said the same day.” Mike says, clearing his throat. “We just need to swab you both.”

Joe nods his head in understanding. His dark eyes come to linger on Leah, the child that may or may not be his daughter.

“Can I stay with her tonight?” He asks you. “Just in case…”

There’s a need in his voice, a quiet desperation. You can’t deny his request, not when it might be the last night, he gets with the child he’s helped you raise.

“Yea Joe.” You say quietly. “You can stay.”

Love Mike? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[asher-agere]

May i please request regressor mark with carer margaret or nathaniel? thank you! Im not in my agere acc rn so using anon.. sorry (im the same anon who ask for the fukuzawa ones)

No worries whatsoever! Nothing to apologize for hehe. I’m so glad to hear from you again! I don’t understand the Guild members as much meaning… Time for research! I love pushing myself to better understand these characters!

Little Mark + Caregivers Margaret and Nathaniel

⋆.˚⋆⋆.˚⋆.˚⋆⋆.˚⋆

♡ These three really have a nice family atmosphere going on! Margaret and Nathaniel will bicker like an old married couple while Mark is like their son! They also have their nice moments though of course! Margaret is very doting, always being hands on and taking care of everything. Nathaniel is also caring of course! But he’s more the quiet type, content to let Mark do whatever as long as he’s safe. Mark is more than happy to run off and get into trouble of course

♡ Mark always wants to play. He wants to run sound outside! And climb trees! Neither of his caregivers are very active ໒꒰ྀི -᷅ ⤙ -᷄ ꒱ྀི১ But that’s fine! He loves playing by himself! He is a big kid after all. And he’s perfectly capable of playing without them! Though he always brings a plushy friend! Said plushy is worn out and covered in stains, it’s needed to be sewn together a few times (Both Margaret and Nathaniel are able to sew). But Mark doesn’t care! They’re just war scars! (He’s came running inside before sobbing thinking he killed his friend)

♡ Margaret and Nathaniel don’t enjoy the running around outside and climbing trees kind of play, but that doesn’t mean they won’t play with the little one! The love playing with toys for Mark! They’ll run toys cars around the area and make up stories with plushies! Mark comes up with the stories for the most part, his caregivers are just along for the ride

♡ Mark likes toys that can handle rough play! Toy cars, fake weapons, action figures, etc. He likes stuffed animals of course! But he doesn’t like having to many. He’ll claim that plushies are “baby toys” and he’s a big kid! He’ll remind his caregivers at every available opportunity so they never ever forget. He’s not some little baby! “Can baby do this?” Then he’ll go do something crazy complex! (He’ll run a lap around the room or do a very bad somersault) Big kid stuff!

♡ Margaret is the one that makes Mark take care of himself! She’s in charge of things like bath time and making the kiddo eat! Mark will throw tantrums but Margaret just patiently waits for him to cry it out then makes him do things anyway. Margaret uses nicknames like “Dear” “Sugar” and “Kiddo”! She’s tried calling Mark “Baby” before and he threw a fit. Not a baby! Why can’t she see that? (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ It’s a rough kiddo life for poor Mark

♡ Nathaniel can be pretty quiet, but he’s really good at a lot of stuff! For example he’s really good at making food and patching up injuries! (Mark gets a lot of scraped knees. Or palms. Or elbows… Adventure kiddo!) Nathaniel is good at knowing what Mark wants, so he’s really good at matching the mood for bedtime stories! He’ll use pet names like “Dear” “Buddy” or “Young Man” The last one is used specifically when Mark isn’t listening (It happens a lot)

♡ Mark doesn’t like baby stuff! Bottles and pacifiers? That’s for babies! However he loves things like sippy cups and teethers! They’re much more grown up. He specifically likes the cups with a snack cup?

These! I remember begging my dad for one of these as a kid. I promised that it wouldn’t spill, I explained how the lid fixes everything! Just like I did, as soon as Mark gets his he proudly holds it upside down, it won’t leak! Needless to say the ground is quickly covered in juice and Mark is on the verge of tears. He just lost his juice! He will try to eat snacks off the ground to cope, his caregivers absolutely will not let him

♡ Bedtime and nap time are always disasters… Mark insists he isn’t tired! He wants to keep playing outside! Margaret will coax him to come play inside at the very least “It’s getting awful dark and cold out that… If only my Darling would come home” Nathaniel quickly swoops in with a story! He’ll encourage Mark to act out the story with some of his toys! Margaret will get a cup of warm hot cocoa and come sit Mark in her lap, handing him the cocoa. Margaret just has to gently rock and soothe him as they listen and eventually he’ll fall asleep!

♡ Mark absolutely finds animals outside and tries to bring them in! He’s a bug lover. His caregivers are bug haters. Mark is aware of this and makes use of the information! He’ll walk up to Margaret cupping his hands together like “Marge! I gotcha somethin’!” Then he opens his hands and Margaret screams because how is it even possible to fit that many bugs in one’s hands??? Mark just laughs loudly, wipes his hands on her dress and runs off again. He loves his caregivers! But he also loves messing with them! He’ll also make mud pies then show them to Nathaniel like “Nat, can I eat this ‘nstead of your food?”

⋆.˚⋆⋆.˚⋆.˚⋆⋆.˚⋆

I hope you enjoyed! I had an initial struggle for these three, but I really like the end result! Mark is very much so in the bratty toddler stage of his life. But like constantly

[deadduvznap]

👻 Request for the birthday event (Happy bday), top gamer!reader x cc!sapnap noncon/dubcon. Maybe something where he keeps his stupid anime hoodie on. Thank you if you do it but it's also chill if you don't.

deadduvsnap birthday event

thank you sm nonie and thank you for ur request ill give you a kiss <3

okay okay sapnap would be chillen on his bed okay and ur prob in the next room maybe yalls study and maybe before that you are streaming or like what if i say ur a professional gamer okay and ur practicing for smth maybe an upcoming event and hes grumpy cus he cant talk to you cus ur too busy and ur gaming for a long long while i mean like 7 hour session and when ur done its literally like 4 am and hes waiting for you and hes grumpy and hes not talking to you and hes in his room and ur finally done you leave and go get ready for bed and finally when ur ready to like sleep you walk into ur room again from the bathroom and hes there sulking on the bed ur like when did you get here why are you sulking and he doesnt reply hes just sitting there grumpy and ur like fine whatever so you change from just a towel cus you got outta the shower (im saying its one of those bathrooms thats connected to ur bedroom) and when youre done changing you go to the bed and you notice hes hard and ur like omg sapnap ur hard? and hes like shut the hell up and looks away and ur like damn okay so you tell him ur going to bed and hes gets up all grumpy and lets you get under the covers but he sits back down still hard btw and you lay down hes sitting up ur eye level w his hard dick (sapnap has a small dick you can hate me for it) so when hes looking away you put ur hand on his dick hes like what the fuck are you doing and ur like nothing and he shoves your hand off him but and he like starts getting off the bed so you grab his arm and you literally like yank him down on the bed and get on top of him holding his legs down with yours hes like pushing you off saying like get the hell off me and ur like shut the fuck up and cover his mouth and hes scratching at you and ur like fuck no the hell ur not gonna do that so you slap him and he just starts tearing up and ur like if you dont shut up and stay still im gonna hurt you worse so he shuts up and you pull off his sleeping shorts and leave on his hoodie cus why not and hes still teared up and covering his dick with his hoodie so you force him to flip over and he trying to push you away from behind him and u just slap him and you pull down ur sleeping pants and put on a condom and put some lube on yourself and put some on his asshole and hes shaking and full sobbing now and you put the tip of your dick against his asshole and his breathing and crying stutters for a second and his body stiffens up and you push the tip of your dick in and he yells cus hes not prepped and you push your dick in all the way hes like full sobbign crying hes biting into the pillow cus it hurts so badly hes saying stuff like no stop get off me go away his hands are reaching back trying to slap you away and you grab his hands and put them behind his back and hold it there with one hand and you start actually fucking him and dare i say break his arm no i wont say that oh wait okay listen using the hood to pull him back onto you and its choking him and hes trying to pull it away from his neck and when hes almost passed out you let go and he falls back onto the bed and hes coughing and you hit him so he stops and when you cum you pull out and hes sobbing onto the bed into ur pillow and you take off ur condom and throw it away and clean urself up and you push sapnap almost off the bed and tell him to get the hell out of ur room you dont wanna see his face and he has to get off the bed with almost died lube on him and hes struggling to walk and hes sobbing and he stumbles out of the room and you go to bed thinking bout how fulfilled you feel that night

[missegyptiana]

Isabella I’m so happy for you! Really all this time I was hoping you could go and see her one last time in your hometown and look at that! It’s finally about to happen!!

I saw The Eras Tour once and my seat was right in front of the stage (front view lower bowl) and it was sooo good. Like legit the screens are HUGE and even when Taylor is on the other end of the stage you can see her, the band and the backup singers. Also! You can see the animations of the stage!! It’s just so cool. OH AND PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE FIRE WITH BAD BLOOD. I know you already went and felt the heat but when you’re in front view you have fire from 4 different points all around you. It’s like you’re a rotisserie chicken lol. INSANE, just insane.

SO HAPPY THAT YOU’RE GOING!!! What surprise songs are you hoping to get?

omg this is the sweetest message i’m gonna cry. i’ve waited more than a year to get a ticket to toronto and tried not to lose hope and i cannot believe im going on thursday and seeing the second version of the eras tour for the first time with an amazing view. im so very grateful. i love the bad blood fire so much and the crowds reaction😭 ALSO im so fucking excited to see gracie live for the first time i love her so so much and she’s helped heal me with things like taylor. she isn’t touring in canada so im gonna sob on thursday. for surprise songs im really hoping for ANYTHING lover, especially its nice to have a friend, when emma falls in love, a place in this world (or literally anything from debut), change and right where you left me! but i will be so happy that day no matter what but plz manifest with me yall

[satorisoup]

Hello 🫶🏼☁️ it’s okay, no need to apologize. I hope you had a great busy day 🫂

Yeah, same. Angst for me only with happy ending or else I’m gonna be devastated for life </3

Yes! Genya is so cute and adorable, I’m suffering so much because of him. Anytime I remember I cry. Tanjiro is a sweetheart too 😭 he cried a lot when he found out about Genya, it broke my heart </3

Yeah, Fairy tail came to my life in a hard time of my life so it is really important for me, so I decided to have a tattoo ‹𝟹 imo it is really worth to watch it!

Well, I guess I’m gonna put windbreaker on my list to watch 👀

They really work hard and with passion! I can’t wait to see more works from Ufotable *o*

Yes! Semi is so cute, when he’s anger looks so adorable :3 if I start talking about my selfships I won’t shut up hehe I’m really a simp >//< OMG, that trio is so cute. Akaashi is so handsome and Kuroo is so funny with Bokuto. Two babies and their dad hehe ‹𝟹 funny the youngest is the dad 🤣 I’m also very into Kuroo since the movie 👀 I see so little stories with Kita </3 he deserves more love for sure. I would love to see what you would write about him :3

Obanai loves Mitsuri so much. He does everything for her without asking for anything in return and I think that’s beautiful SOB T-T

Thank you, sweetheart ‹𝟹 I’m glad you’re doing okay and having fun! Please don’t forget your meals and be hydrated ‹𝟹

My weekend was good. I got a new cat, he’s orange so I called him Kenma TuT ‹𝟹 What about your weekend?

I’m sending you lots of love and positive energy, 😽🩶

UWAHHH hello hello ma love !! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و it’s always a wonderful way to start my day when i see you in my inbox teehee !! ^_^

FOR REALSIES !! i’ve only ever written one angst fic, it’s my piece im most proud of but i still tear up when i reread it SOB !! T^T i need my happy endings !! </3

WAHHH GENYA !! omigosh, pls when that part gets animated i fear i will be absolutely inconsolable for quite some time T^T i feel soso bad for nemi, it was so unfair !! </3 AND TANJIRO !! my poor sweet baby, i just wanna give him a lil cheek smoochie and tell him he deserves tha world SNIFFLE !! :<

EEEK that is seriously soso cool !! comfort anime’s are always tha bestest to watch <3 i saw someone at the store once with a kyo tattoo and it was absolutely precious !! m’ so jelly !! >_< and yes !! windbreaker is such a fun watch, i definitely recommend it !! <3

OMIGOODNESS rockstar bf semi eita <3 he is just so dreamy !! when he was bickering with tendou PLS he’s such a cutie SOB T^T i could talk about selfships all day !! HELP bokuto so is the baby, i find it so fitting that he has 2 older sisters !! :> KITA !! oh my goodness i could talk about him for days on end, he is an absolute sweetheart !! teehee i actually have a big project coming up soon, and kita is one of the love interests !! >//< he deserves all tha love for realsies !! <3

SNIFFLE obanai and mitsuri my beloveds </3 when he gave her those little knee highs !! THEY ARE JUST SO PRECIOUS !! aoi and inosuke are absolutely precious too, i adore them !! T^T

EEEP SOBSOB THANK YOU SOSO MUCH MA LOVE !! T^T you are an absolute sweetheart !! <3 im soso glad you had a good weekend !! >_< GASPS !! YOU GOT AN ORANGE KITTY ?? :0 and you call him kenma ?? MY HEART IS MELTING !! <3 i have an orange kitty too, now we match teehee !! ^_^ aren’t they just soso precious ?? :3

my weekend was good !! i went home and got settled here at my brothers, now i’m just relaxing !! i have work this week but i must push through teehee !! :> THANK YOU SOSO MUCH FOR ASKING !! <3

UWAHHH how has your day been today ma love ?? anything exciting ?? I MUST KNOW !! m’ sending you the bestest wishes EVAAA and hugging you soso tightly !! MWUUUAH !! <3

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your mekatrio + Ayano hcs esp post-str? I’m still bitter that we didn’t get to see their reunion in mca

FOR FUCKING REAL UGH mca giving us the Good ending but at the same time starving us horribly. like it only delivered on ayano and hiyori being alive 😭 but we dont even SEE hiyori we just pathetically point at her silhouette and then we see shinaya scene that seems to have gotten the whole budget in animation. there is something that irks me abt the shinaya scene in str being so damn pretty and then ayanos theory of happiness is. THAT. like when i remember ayanos theory of happiness in mca i lose my mind bc sometimes i cant believe that rly happened. kagepro is such a joke

WAIT THIS ISNT MCA BASHING ITS MEKATRIO TIME omg post str tateyama siblings♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ i think ayano feels insanely guilty for leaving them alone for so long and feels like a damn failure and well ayano's mental stability post str is something to be studied by scientists let's just say she's BARELY hanging in there. she's desperate to make up for lost time and so is the trio but the trio is more like hey WE are also there for u if u need it especially kido and seto to BOTH kano and ayano, like we dont want you guys to ever hide something like that from us again bc we are supposed to be a family and we're in this together ok??? especially now that their parents are gone gone. like kenjirou had been long gone since before properly dying but... it still hits different that he's REALLY gone for good.

but if anything this drives ayano to try to suck it up even more. she's not even relying on kano anymore because she sees how it's affected him that she did rely on him so much back then, and she's even MORE incredibly guilty over it. ayano would be helicoptering over all 3 and ESPECIALLY kano.

kido has been carrying the pressure of trying to be The Big Sister replacement after losing 2 big sisters of their own, seto is sort of projecting all his insecurities and pain onto helping mary and obsessing over how much worse she had it as if that somehow takes away his right to also be upset and kano is. (gestures at his whole thing) i think post str kano is the most messed up of them all and i mean ALL the dan, even more than ayano or shintaro LMAO

because while ayano and shintaro are sort of clumsily tripping and stuff in the way of healing they're still in that path while kano is actively spiraling down bc he's so used to being miserable and now he's gotten everything he's ever wanted and he feels so undeserving and guilty and lost and alone. and ayano is here BEGGING to be relied on and needed but kano KNOWS BETTER than to do that because he knows ayano is hurting too and in the same way she is sucking it up for his and their siblings' sake he is doing the same for her. its such a mess. i love emotional constipation.

kano is on his way to a very very VERY ugly meltdown like im talking about a sort of um maybe 💀 attempt. YKNOW WHAT I MEAN. erm... ayano too actually but i think she is most likely to seek help before it gets to that point especially since teehee she's. done that before. also ayano is sort of distracting herself with her relationship mess with shintaro bc that's ridiculous and its EASIER to be hurt about that than everything else. like somehow this silliness sort of saves her LOL not to sidetrack to shinaya but i think a big reason theyre so fucking messy is not only the obvious reasons but also they find comfort in that because that way they can be primarily worried about stupid shit like bwaaa u cuddle with ur asuna body pillow and not me instead of THE TIMELINES...WEVE DIED 1000 TIMES.... IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... yknow what im saying!

i think she ends up breaking down to mekatrio and they all hold her while she cries the same way she held them while they cried when they reunited :(( i think when they reunite ayano is crying but Not sobbing while the mekatrio is like a fucking mess clinging to her and stuff. kind of like when shintaro goes get ayano like u dont have to fight alone anymore. ayano is like that to her siblings when they reunite she wants to be strong and let them cry like little kids again because they've been getting by alone for so long

i think breakdowns happen like. seto first, then kido second, then ayano, then kano (and kano's is UGLY like something very bad happens for this to take place)

also there is something so interesting to be explored in post str mary and ayano. ayaki is still the same person as ayano yknow, kinda... like everything ayaki does is something ayano in this route is capable of as well. and maybe in the worst part of her ayano resents mary even if she knows she shouldn't, and she's also troubled over seto obsessing over her so much instead of taking care of his own baggage. teehee.

surprisingly kido is the most put together of the 4 but theyre rather like a pressure bomb abt to go off LOL i think their breakdown begins through them getting REALLY REALLY MAD and exploding at everyone. it could start with something like kano putting the empty milk back in the fridge instead of throwing it away LMAO also kido's self steem is basically nonexistent and relies completely on trying to be this Cool Leader so a breakdown is absolutely forbidden. but it happens♥️ everyone needs therapy 👍👍👍

[baeshijima]

The 4.2 trailer... I am still processing it all...

*Buries face in palms and mumbles incoherent sentences*

I thought I couldn't be more hyped then I was last version but genshin proved me wrong and I will thank them for that!

I didn't have an opinion on Furina for quite a while because of how less we know of her, but regardless I think that she doesn't deserve whatever hardships she'll face, like the prophecy that says she'll be all alone after fontaine drowns & the sound of her crying in the fountain of lucine? I mean just look at that adorable little idle animation of her blowing bubbles with her little friend *sobs uncontrollably* must protect at all costs!!

And that part of Neuvillette looking extremely sad— like how dare anyone make him sad! Must protect both our hydro lovelies!! And Navia too!!

And the all-devouring narwhal??? Excuse me it looks so cool?????? And the lady every sAID WAS SKIRK???? CHILDE AND NEUVILLETTE AND THE NARWHAL SCENE?????

AND AYATO RERUN???? I have a guaranteed and am at 56 pity, so he's coming home for sure hehe! But I hope your pulls for Furina go amazing and you have left overs for Ayato!! May rng be kind to us and everyone pulling in the upcoming banners🤞

*kicking the air giggling uncontrollably*

Ahem... I should calm down, now, just need to wait a few days for the update!!

🍀

NO BC I UNDERSTAND HOW U FEEL CLOVER NONNIE !!!!! the trailer literally had me on the edge of my seat gasping, hand over my mouth wide-eyed and everything i was so??????????

falls to the floor.

the opening lines especially and how neuvie delivered them KILLED me sm like no bro dont do this to me im not ready no pls dont pls i just want my daughter to come home happy and healthy and safe pls she has to be safe why is she crying dont cry stop making her cry shes been through enough pls........

aND THE NARWHAL AND SKIRK REVEAL PLS IT WAS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER WITH THIS PATCH LIVESTREAM 😭 LIKE WHEN WE PLAY THIS IN GAME I WILL NOT BE OKAY I WONT BE OKAY THE WHOLE AQS BUT ITS FINE BC IM NEVER OKAY AHAHHLFD

AND STOP THE AYATO RERUN HAD ME PUNCHING THE AIR IMAGINING HE WAS IN FRONT OF ME LIKE NO SIR WHY WOULD U RERUN DURING EVERY BANNER I EITHER PULLED IN THE PREV BANNER AND HAVE NO FUNDS, HAVE PLANS TO PULL FOR IN THE CURRENT AND CANT AFFORD TO GET U, OR AM SAVING FOR THE NEXT BANNER AND ALSO CANT AFFORD TO PULL BC OF SAVINGS 🧍‍♀️

clover nonnie we have been manifesting ayato together for ages and so i hope u get him early and c6 in ur first 10 pull 🙏

[oh-katsuki]

Omg omg I just binge read until 4am last night skip and loafer my heart 😭😭

When he ask her to go out I was like oh?!? But then ☹️ when he was unsure of his feelings sob. I kinda want him to suffer a little and get jealous >:]]

Anyway first impressions! I thought he was just happy go lucky guy but that was actually a facade!! I didn't expect that. Also she is such a genuine nice person wow, like that girl with short hair said( I forgot her name ;[ ) she was given so much love; I'm jealous of that, I'm so sad and bitter at the world although my family trying to shelter me ended up in Mr being anxious and scared ( but fr world is scary so I guess they were right :/ )

Anyway I can't wait for the anime and new chapters!! Whooa

HAHAHAH IM SO GLADD THAT YOU READ IT AND LIKED IT!!!!!!!! SKIP AND LOAFER HAS SUCH A PLACE IN MY HEART IT'S SO AUGHH.

it feels very real too!! like the way that shima and mitsumi interact and get to know each other feels very genuine and realistic. i can see a lot of my friendships in them and it makes it such a JOY to read. i just adore the way that they connect, dating or not, they're a lovely pair.

i am holding them so tenderly in my hands.

also side note but the little dance they do in the anime OP literally has me choking up and screaming and crying LOL

[wantonlywindswept]

mando liveblog 3.7 ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

i am both mad and disappointed, if ultimately entirely unsurprised

oh good, we get to watch bo-katan get the darksaber again

oh right gideon’s bullshit

still calling that they’re going to take all the storylines into other series and turn the mandalorian into a ‘din and grogu run from gideon’ thing bc that’s what worked for them before

oh god are we on coruscant again? with the imperial bitch? ughhhh not againn

he’s already got his outfit back? lame. you just got busted out of prison, suffer bad clothing choices!

oh no he actually looks MORE vader-y, what a poser

i do hate (which i understand is irrational) that the show has to be beholden to the sequels, bc. well. the sequels sucked.

PROJCET NECROMANCER ASDKLJFSG

oh so if gideon’s interest wasn’t in the clones shenanigans does that mean i can fuck around with him wanting to become the next dr demagolka? Forcibly Assigned Jedi At Experimentation

yeee bitches feel fear at thinking about mandalorians

‘the spies’ oh no

poor nevarro civvies, ‘ah shit not the empire again’

i wanna know how painting that giant mythosaur on the underside of the cruiser worked

ARE WE FINALLY GONNA SEE WHAT THE WHOLE WALKING TWO WAYS BULLSHIT WAS ABOUT? INDOCTRINATION YEA OR NAY

ahh hordes of mandalorians my beloved

din. din get on the side of the covert. din.

‘paz bout to start shit TIME TO USE THE TALKING HAMMER’

oh god the droid we all forgot about. again.

OH NOT A DROID IT’S A FUCKING JAEGER IM FUCKING CRYING ASLDKJADG

OH IT’S FOR GROGU??? IM FUCKIN

oh lord baby with a murder exoskeleton

OH

ONIDSFJAG

LETS THE BABY SPEAK???

runaway baby so happy ‘yessss i can murder now!!’

okay i know this is supposed to be funny but clearly the baby should not have the exoskeletON ARE THEY ROASTING THE BABY BIRDS???

man they just got a home and they’re already needing to leave again?

i’m sorry GROGU AS WELL? what. what. YHOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE NEVARRO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SO THEY COULD KEEP THEIR KIDS SAFE

big spartacus vibes here

oh ho ho, the armorer too?

lmfao everyone chillin and then there’s paz with his ginormous gun, love that for him. also wonder if my hc about him never actually setting foot on mandalore before despite being a vizsla is correct?

did we. at least land somewhere significant? and not just in the middle of nowhere?

ah good on top of a city at least.

oh

oh my heart

‘do you have food’

the first question asked

mandalorians have been here all along??

okay this hurts me but i feel like not for the reason they want it to, bo-katan DID abandon you in the end

are these the spies, this is going to Hurt Me

oh she admitted it

wait did we know about this deal before or is this new info? bo-katan cut a deal with gideon? i have not watched any of the animated series

oh thank christ finally confirmation the tribe is against Death Watch, even if descended from it

hmm does sound like a good reason for joint leadership

I SERVE YOU? WHAT?

what are these vibes my brain suddenly just sidestepped into the Mad Max universe

is the armorer gonna die to traitors

lmfao paz fucking down to fight over fucking checkers im sobbing

really ‘primitives’? i know we’re supposed to be like ‘oh assholes on both sides’ but paz is like 100000 times better than woves

BABY????

the fuck DID he learn from you then, din

oh wait

i know there’s the assumption it was din (and i mean. fuck yeah dinluke. but.)

what if all the stuff about grogu learning things

was from kelleran?

mythosaur?? pls??

no mythosaur :(

PAZ MAKING SURE THE BABY GOT OUT

what is it with mandalorians and giant lizards anyway

MY HEADCANON IS CORRECT, PAZ NEVER LIVED ON MANDALORE GO ME

nope not survivors

bigger vibes that they were led here THEYRE WEARING WHAT. FUCKIONG IMPERIALS IN BESKAR?? FLAMES! ON THE SIDES OF MY FACE!!

vanguard paz my heart

yeah this was totes a trap

OH SHIT DIN SEPARATED FROM THE BABY

wow the worst vader wannabe

...din forced down on his knees doe unf

somebody cut off this dude’s head

I WAS SO RIGHT HES THE NEXT DEMAGOLKLA PUT TOGETHER IT ALL AND YOU GET JEDI MANDO...clones? something. w/e

UH YEAH, YEAH YOU SHOULD HAVE BO

ah paz it about to die isn’t he

sigh

oh for fucks sake it wasn’t even a smart death you coulda closed it and then gone through

oh fake jedi bitches

i know this is supposed to be a badass honorable death but i’m too busy being mad about it

[captainaikus]

Oh ew the OF accounts and sex bots are completely getting out of hand. I haven’t been notified of any new followers but I don’t trust tumblr to do so. I’m have to gonna check on that soon 🙄🙄.

And seriously for what reason are people flagging down your works for like 😭😭?? It literally makes no sense??? Some people are so rude and mean and spiteful for no reason like. Do better or screw off unintentionally quoting Ego here I’m sorry that this happened to you, it really sucks.

Ever since break started I’ve been in a kind of limbo. It feels so surreal not having any work to do. I mean I do have basic chores to do today like the laundry and vacuuming and stuff but besides that it’s a free day. I am. Very very very. Temped to start reading the blue lock manga. I know I said I’d wait for the anime to finish but like I need something to do 😭😭. I was starting my first TR reread since the last chapter but I only got in 3 chapters before I started sobbing and I haven’t even gotten to Akkuns first death or met Mikey and Draken for the first time again yet. I’m gonna have to chunk my way through it while sobbing and taking so many breaks because I will seriously never recover from this manga. OH AND I LOVE CHIFUYUS BIRTHDAY ART. Wakui continuing to attest that yes takefuyu are still canon in the reset timeline. It’s such a relief for me because those two are my comfort duo 😭😭😭. I also want to finish Chainsaw Man soon. I stopped at around volume 9 because I’m broke and was reading it at the bookstore and all I can say is that this series is definitely getting a reread cause I love analyzing strange works and concepts. THE MAITAKE COVER ASJKGFJKHFFGGG. The way I screeched when I first saw it like. I love how you worded it, they literally look like royalty together UGH. Suffice to say that yes maitake fans has a field day with the cover of volume 31 😌😌. I cant wait for the inside cover to be revealed. My prediction/demand is that it’s gonna be then as children childhood-friends-to-lovers. But I guess we’ll see.

Anyways. How are you Belle? Doing better I hope? How’s uni? Oh and when does your winter break start? How’s life? Im so happy tumblr is being cooperative now and letting you see my tagged posts 😭😭. Sorry for the constant tagging tho, there’s just so much I wanna share and I see something and I’m like “oh I wanna show this to Belle” you know? Oh and im so glad you liked that Oliver drabble 🥹🥹. I’ve got another one in mind for him but this time it might be a little more ✨spicy✨ so stay tuned 👀👀😌. I hope you have a great day and that the caramel frappuccino tasted great!!! *sending many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Istg- i got followed by accounts from Czechia and Carolina this morning. Alright, I made my pinned post of Gojo's OF account but this is a writing blog; not even an OF promotion blog (╥﹏╥) unless... i draw some stuff

Tumblr decided to not let me post my rant- so here’s what I had to say

I revisited my childhood with watching DBZ... (i knew i said i would start one piece but the gym bro-ness got the better of me and i started watching it) someone please explain why does Goku's voice sound... i don't know how to describe it. i was so shocked about his voice, i was planning on watching the dub instead cause of it *crying* Honestly, Wakui did a really good job with the cover. Even when I was reading mangas online - I was so awed by the covers of the manga and when TR was on its peak here, i saw a lot of spoilers for bonten mikey. I never liked mikey... but this made me change my mind. And they (like every cover character i saw up until the Brahman arc looked like royalty. Even hanma-) I'm doing well! Contemplating to change the blog theme for some reason. It's not gonna be aiku ofc- he gets 0 screen time cause he hasn't come back from italy and i am mad at him with part 1 to ocean hues I'm on my winter break actually and omw back home. Fifa knocked the wind out of me. I feel sad cause Mbappé played really well (and he was sad too when they lost), i literally went to go keep my plate and he scored in 97 seconds of the first goal T.T . But i'm also really happy for Argentina cause its the first time in 36 years since Maradona that they have won the Wc and i cried cause they were crying on the field not to mention the fact that Messi played in their team as well - so it was bittersweet ending but also very well deserved! And yes i am a football head I can't see you in my activity still (maybe your visibility switch is off? i'm not sure) but i do get the number on my activity and that's how ik that you're there (⑅ •͈ᴗ•͈ ) I actually don't mind being tagged! and I enjoy the things you have to show me as well ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა (i saw some stuff where you tagged me- i'll be answering those soon, promise i'm not ignoring you ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶)ა ) I. absolutely. loved. the Oliver drabble ˃̵ᴗ˂̵. I still read it btw, cause it is absolutely precious. the deer headrest and the fact he wants to be a good boy made me go (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) did you say spicy 💀 *here lies Isabelle Aiku; beloved wife of Oliver Aiku who is unaware that he is married to her- * Starry you're gonna make me combust from the heat *sending back bear hugs*

*my man is so handsome (>﹏<) and yours is too*