#soap getting roasted by a child

[bigassmoonchild]

night team here

can we request ghost with a daughter that is the mini verison of him like soap thinks shes gonna be sweet and nice and she bullies him worse than her father does

bonus points

price already knew ghosts daughter was a complete savage but soap annoyed him that morning and price decided the consequences of his actions was being brutally roasted

(daughter is gonna be leaning teens just bc i said so. also, thank you so much for the request!! love the night team 🫶🫶)

soap wasn’t supposed to know. this wasn’t something anyone was supposed to know, but simon was decently okay with price knowing. price knew to keep secrets, hell, price had his own.

but simon accidentally let it slip.

‘i’ve gotta get home, early morning,’ he’d told the 141 when they wanted to go out for drinks after a successful mission. they gave him odd looks (one of them was a knowing one, but he’d ignore price being offered to come watch a recital).

soap didn’t let it go, no he didn’t. ‘got the missus waiting back there?’ and simon was exhausted, it was a long mission and all he wanted was to sleep in his own house.

‘kids got a recital,’ he’d muttered and had walked away. what he didn’t expect was to find a huge amount of messages from soap the next morning. most consisted of the same things.

kid??

who’d have a child with you??

what’s the mother look like?

what’s the kids name?

son or daughter?

maybe i wanted to come watch too

i’m technically their uncle

and simon had to leave, collected you from your grandmother and took you to the recital. you were beautiful, the pride and joy of his life. someone he’d never thought he’d ever had, someone he never knew he could love more than anything.

it took months for simon to wear down enough ti even allow any of them to see a picture of you, let alone know your name.

‘beauty, that one is. you sure she came from you?’ simon shoved soap off the chair for that comment. soap continued to rave about being an ‘uncle’ and as much as simon didn’t want it, he had to tell you.

you looked at him weird when he admitted he’d spoken about you to the 141. you knew, generally, what he did but you didn’t get details.

‘ok and?’ you’d asked. ‘what’re they gonna do? it’s not like they’re gonna do something behind your back, not like price has said anything,’ and he worried. maybe he coddled you a little, but you were his girl.

and you’d agreed to meeting them, but told simon you didn’t want to know when. ‘i’ll be thinking about it too much,’ you told him.

simon finally dropped a few names for you, late one night when he’d finally relaxed with some whiskey (he didn’t mention the watered down taste).

‘what kinda name is soap? he drop it or something?’

it took some time before simon had grown any sort of comfortable letting anyone but price be around you. it wasn’t common that you stayed by price when simon was out on a mission, but the occasion happened when it was possibly a fatal one.

it was early morning when you’d sent a text to simon, he hadn’t meant to go to the compound at all that day but had made a lunch. it was a picture of the lunch, still sitting in the fridge with the caption ‘you forget something?’

and he’d groaned, mentioning to price in passing that he forgot his lunch at home. soap and gaz had been there, and a little smile came from soap.

‘just have the lass bring it ‘round, i’m sure she’s dying to meet her uncles,’ price gave a little grimace. ‘what? she’s probably a sweetheart, i cant imagine a girl like her would turn out like ghost,’

you’d relented to bring it around, especially after price messaged you about soap not being able to shut up about meeting you.

he’s pressing me for information. -john

if you bring the food, i’ll give your dad an extra day of leave. -john

please, i’m about to make him run. -john

you always laughed a little when he signed off after each text. it was his own little thing, and you secretly enjoyed having a fatherly figure text you more than three words.

when you got to the compound, you found price waiting outside for you and you waggled the bag of food at him. he let you in, guiding you through the halls to where simon and the others were.

‘try not to forget it, next time,’ you told simon. he gave you a small grunt, one that sounded like his ‘thank you’.

soap walked up to you, giving you a cheeky grin and swinging his arm around your shoulder. ‘how’s it been, lass?’ he asked you and you shook his arm off.

‘you know it’s not the 80’s anymore, right?’ he blinked at you. snorting softly with an eye roll, you sat down in the nearest chair. ‘mullets back in style, you know. might fit you better,’ you commented.

soap was left with his mouth open, gesturing faintly to you then to simon. ‘she can’t be like you,’ he nearly hissed.

‘don’t act so surprised, she said damn near the same thing to me,’ price lamented, thinking back on his first time meeting you.

‘you from the 1800’s? christ, i haven’t seen anyone willingly have that beard,’ you’d told him oh so long ago.

you looked around, leaning towards him. ‘who else am i supposed to be like? i’m pretty sure he’s my father,’ you hissed back.

all soap could do was blink. a little ghost? no, he couldn’t believe it. he saw simon give you a little fist bump, almost saw a few dollars being passed between you two.

simon pulled his mask off to eat and you looked at him closely. ‘you get a haircut?’ you asked, squinting your eyes suspiciously.

‘nope,’ he responded. ‘got ‘em all cut,’ and you snorted a short laugh. soap couldn’t do much but watch the interaction, realization slowly settling in.

‘that’s why you tell those shitty jokes?’ he announced. ‘you’re actually a father telling dad jokes,’

you gave a little smile and he could see the admiration in your eyes. god, you were just like your father but the confidence came off of you so easily.

‘yknow he came to my parents job show and tell once,’ you told everyone and simon stared at you. almost daring you to finish. ‘he didn’t take the mask off and had to leave, he scared too many of the kids,’

you spoke so fondly of him.

‘but he’s a prick, so he just left,’ simon lightly kicked your leg and you made a big show of it. you might be his kid, but you had your own personality in there.

and simon would be dead before anyone took that from you.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The House Guest 10

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes

Summary: an old acquaintance calls in a favour, leaving you with an unexpected house guest.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You stare through the window as hammering echoes through the glass. Despite the muffling of the barrier between you, it’s loud enough to put you on edge. Or maybe that’s because of the man calmly bringing the iron down on the nails. 

As if he can sense you, he looks up, his dark hair flopping back. You quickly spin away. You have to be going stir crazy. Bucky was just concerned. A lot of people come up this way and get freaked out by the wilderness. You used to when you visited as a child. 

You go back to the kitchen and take out the ingredients for your grandma’s classic turkey stew. It’s always a comfort as the temperature starts to drop. Still, it’s never as good as she made it. One day, you might figure out the secret. 

Cooking is a good distraction. There isn’t much to do up here. Often, you enjoy that facet of your existence. You work then disconnect and just do your own thing. Now you can’t help but feel the desolation. 

Thunk, thunk, thunk. The hammering continues. You put the turkey into roast. It’s always better to season and cook it first then shred it up for the stew. You set the broth to simmer with the chunked veggies and pace the kitchen as you wait for it all to come together. 

You use a fork to pick the meat of the turkey legs and dump it all in the boiling pot. Another hour to meld together and it’ll be ready to serve. The longer you let it, the better. It’s always best the day after. 

The silence doesn’t hit you until you hear the back door. The smell of pine follows Bucky inside. You put your attention to the pot and stir it. 

He sniffs and sighs loudly as he enters. “Ah, smells delicious. Chicken?” 

“Turkey,” you correct him as he twists on the faucet and squirts soap into his hands. He lathers up and looks at you. “It’s funny. Back in my day, not to sound like a crotchety old geezer, women cooked. They had recipe cards on the counter. These days, half the girls I talk to can only use some app to order pizza that tastes like ketchup on cardboard.” 

“Oh, yeah? I kinda miss fast food,” you say dully. 

“Huh. ‘Cause I miss the home cooking. It’s just... simpler.” He shuts off the tap and shifts closer, drying his hand on the dishcloth as he looms. “If it hadn’t all gone to shit, I probably woulda found a good woman. Settled down, lived the good life.” 

“Right,” you nod awkwardly and set the spoon down.  

He clicks his tongue and turns, putting his hand on the counter as he leans on one foot. His other hand goes to his hip. “But then I wouldn’t be here.” 

“Fair,” you say, distancing yourself as you step around him to get to the fridge. “I got some cider left over? Want some? It’s mulled. Julian down by the Rocks makes it--” 

“Think I’m good,” he says. 

You put the large glass jug on the counter and open the cupboard. Bucky catches it and shoves it closed with a snap. You face him in surprise. He’s strong. You know that but feeling it is something else. 

“Sorry, I... I’m in your way?” You wonder. 

“No, you’re right where you should be,” he says. 

You try not to lean away from him. Your heart is racing. You swallow and peer over at the dimming window. 

“I could help you cover up the lumber before--” 

“Already did that,” he interjects. “You know, I think I’m where I need to be too,” he edges closer. “Think after everything, I did find that good woman.” 

You blink, speechless. You can barely think above the tempo behind your ears. 

“I hear it.” He puts his fist to his chest and knocks on it. “I know you feel it too.” He stills his hand and holds it over his heart. “I was pissed when Sam brought me up here. Dropped me off like some stray dog. The longer I’m here, the more I realise he did me a favour. He didn’t dump me on you...” you wince as he pulls his hand away from his chest and opens it to cradle your face, “he gave me you.” 

“Bucky,” you latch onto his wrist but can’t move it. “I think we need some space. Don’t you?” 

“No,” he says flatly. 

“You spend too much time in the same proximity, and it starts to get weird--” 

“No,” he repeats. “I’m right. It’s perfect. You’re strong, you cook, you’re handy, not afraid to get a little dirty,” he slides his hand down to cup your chin. You flinch but can’t pull away. “And you got a nice ass.” 

“Bucky,” you breath and gently shove his chest. “I’m saying to you that you’re wrong. I’m flattered and all but no.” You push harder as he squeezes tighter. You whimper, “ow, let me go. I’m calling Sam-” 

“Shh,” his other hand swoops up to back of your skull. He lurches you closer, bringing you to your nose as he snarls down at you. “You’re not calling anyone.” 

“Bucky--” 

“It’s the way you say my name,” he growls. 

“Please, you’re hurting me--” 

He hushes you again as his thumb rubs behind your jaw. He turns you so your penned in against the counter. You splay your fingers across his chest, dragging them down to his stomach as you push on him. He stands unmoving. 

“Let go--” 

“You. Let go,” he insists calmly. “You built this wall around you. Let it down,” he drops his hand from your head and lets it trail down your back, “let me in.” 

“No, I’m telling you.” You squirm against him. “Stop this, right now.” 

“I know you want me. I found that toy. The little flower, hm?” He tickles along your side, your jaw aching in his grip. “You wanna feel the real thing? Huh?” 

“Please,” you clasp the fabric of his shirt in your fingers. 

“Doll, I want you think about this,” he buries his thumb behind your jaw until you whine. “You’re up here all by yourself. Lonely days, lonelier nights. Anyone could catch on. They could figure out just as fast as I did.” He leans in until you’re nearly bent backwards. “You need a man because any old beast could snatch you up.” 

Your eyes glisten and you search his face. He doesn’t look human. He’s animalistic. His eyes are dark and dilated and his jaw is set with slathering hunger. Your lip trembles. 

"Wouldn't you rather have the beast on your side, doll? Instead of tearing it down?” He purrs and shifts his hand around your chin, bringing his thumb up to poke at your lower lip. “I can be good for you, all you gotta do, is the same.” 

[willowed-wisp]

ghost, soap and könig as civilians

If the military wasn’t an option, what would these three men do with themselves?

simon ‘GHOST’ riley

- Still aims to take care of his mum and brother, Tommy.

- Simon Riley was born to have a gun in his hand, so he’ll be drawn into the police armed division.

- However, I could also see him as a detective who gets stuck with a Scottish newbie on the force.

- Meets you, behind the receptionist desk, he’s never been too good with women but you’d take over the conversation.

- Could listen to you talking nonsense for ages and that had NEVER happened to Simon before.

- Simon knew you were the one when you managed to convince him to not beat the shit out of his dad when he interrupted a dinner at his mum’s house.

- And when you shouted to his dad, “Stay the fuck away from my family!” Slamming the door in his face- bolting the door.

- His mum and Tommy shared a look with Simon, who was exasperated by you in that moment.

- He’s still reluctant to have kids because for the abuse he incurred as a child. So you take it in baby steps, your black and white cat is called Ghost.

- His family adore you.

johnny ‘SOAP’ mactavish

- Johnny would definitely be scouted for rugby very early on and would play the sport

- But his anger issues didn’t mesh well with it

- He sort out a place that would enforce discipline onto him.

- And he was born to have gun in hand and protect people, and his first week as a policeman… he’s partnered with officer Riley… Simon Riley.

- Opts to go into the Canine Unit, he’s tough enough and loves doggos

- You’re a civilian and he’s the officer questioning you. He asks for more than a witness statement- getting your number through his eyes alone let alone the accent

- Johnny loves coming home to you, your dog and a cup of coffee.

- Complains about house prices because he wants to upscale from an apartment that looked shitty before you put your own spin on it.

- At least one Scottish flag is hung up

- He wants a home because he’s desperate to be a dad- he’d be there everyday to pick them up and drop them off when he wasn’t at work

- Invites Police Chief John Price over for a Sunday roast

- Price always turns up with a 6-pack of lager in hand and chatting all night with you both with rosy cheeks

redacted ‘KÖNIG’ redacted

- He’s got carpenter energy- he’s good with his hands (in more ways than one)

- Has to find ways of coping with his anxiety because he’s dealing with customers everyday

- It’s easy when you come in wanting new wooden doors for your house. You go over the plans and invite him over for dinner to take measurements…

- Coz god knows he wouldn’t muster the courage up to ask you out

- You were intimidated by him at first- you tell him at the dinner table. He seemed dejected until you placed a hand on his, “And then I found out you were the most gentle person I’ve ever met…”

- That makes his heart melt- he’s been with you ever since.

- You soon realise that kids flock around him because he’s like a personal climbing frame

- Everybody in the small village knows König and say it’s nice to see him come out of the shell when he coaches the kids in football or sports

- He’s like a climbing frame

- And by your side, König realises that he’s fine the way he is. Kids were just cruel at that age and his height and build come in handy in many ways

————

masterlist

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

How did you like her interview in People? I wonder, when this attempt fails, what mask will she put on next time...

I'm reading the article now...typing my thoughts here in real time.

People was on site when Harry was still in Vancouver for the Invictus Games - meaning that Meghan 1,000% lined up this article after she forced Netflix to postpone the release from January 15th, along with the NYC billboard and her NYC trip. Meaning she had ZERO PR planned for the original launch date because there's no way - with how much this article cost and the price of billboards in Time Square - Netflix would've just eaten the cost.

"Mama, don't work too hard" -> The real Prince Charles: Future king is a workaholic who 'falls asleep at his desk and wakes up with paper stuck to his face' says Harry (November 2018)

“I love that that is something that Archie, Lili, H and I all have together. It means a lot to me.” -> Devaluing phase!

The Sussex name, she adds, “is part of our love story." -> just say yessssssssssssssss AGREE WITH ME DAMMIT. Seriously - aside from Taylor Swift (who is contractually obligated by her fans to keep singing Love Story), is there any woman over the age of 19 who keeps bleating on about her love story the way Meghan does?

“As a woman, a mom and a wife, to be able to find yourself again...is a wonderful feeling.” -> Too bad instead of finding this grace towards another woman, mom, and wife, you went for the jugular and talked about her hormones.

this time there’s no mention of anything royal -> Reading between the lines: they're completely cut off and don't have anything to share but they're going to make you think it's their choice.

“Whenever Harry visited set, he was always super polite and friendly,” -> tracks with Vanity Fair. Also this is not Meghan saying Harry's name; it's a Netflix staffer.

“My husband met me when I had The Tig, and I see this spark in his eye when he sees me doing the thing that I was doing when he first met me,” she says. -> Sounds more like "thank God now she'll leave me alone" relief

Chinese food delivery is a favorite, “but even when I get takeout, I will try to plate it beautifully,” -> “It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate, you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.” -Julia Child...aka keep your filthy paws off my food unless you wash your hands (with soap) in front of me.

In the process, Meghan says, Montecito has become protective of the Sussexes: “Once you know us, I think you want us to have the same normalcy as parents and for our children as they do, despite however unique our situation is.” -> Royal expert reveals how 'protective' Norfolk locals help Kate and William enjoy date nights (September 2021)

The family’s sprawling estate is their sanctuary, which is why Meghan chose to film her show in a nearby rental that echoes their own space. -> But she has noooooooooooo problem inviting People Magazine into her bedroom where her child is sleeping.

so I’m normally up at 6:30 -> So much for that 5am go-getter lifestyle, huh?

“My husband and Archie both love fried eggs," -> in this economy?!

I want my kids to have those same formative memories of things that I cook. We call them Mama Meals...[a]nd it’s the same roast chicken I’ve been making since they were little.” -> Reading between the lines again...it sounds like a blink-and-miss-it confession that she doesn't cook as much as she claims to. Are they ordering takeout that much? Do they have their own chef or meal kit service? No shame if they do, but if you have a special name for the meals your mom cooks...she's not cooking that much. Also this would've been much better if she said she was making roast chicken since before they were born, you know, considering how it's their engagement story. Well, one of them. She probably forgot that, let's be honest. It's hard to keep them all straight.

They would also come with my husband -> still can't bear to say his name.

“Being able to have my own little girl, as I’ve spent so much of my life championing the rights of girls and women, and to be able to see this as a multigenerational story — Archie is of course included in that, my husband is of course included in that — but I love the heritage feeling of it and knowing this is something that I can create in front of my daughter and teach her what it’s like to be a working mom,” she says. “This is something that hopefully can be part of her legacy too.” -> Maaaaaaaaaaybe if you want her to have ownership...name something after her? You named your charity organization, production company, and podcast company after her brother. What does she get? A name scandal.

rinse and repeat,” -> Hey, remember when she had this phrase in nearly every single PR article? Remember when this was her username in the DM comments section?

“Anyone who has children will tell you, it’s a huge evolution as a woman during that time.” -> Hey, you know what would be really cool to show your evolution as a woman? Apologizing to Kate for insulting her because you didn't know how exhausting a motherhood journey could be.

“And my gosh, in 10 years, Archie will be driving!” -> Really? That's what you think of? Your kid being your chauffeur in 10 years?

Why are all the photos exclusive from June 2024?

So overall thoughts: This is a classic People story. Someone launches a new chapter of their lives, and they sit down for a "my life now" intimate tell-all interview. Like so:

I did a google search of "People magazine my life now", clicked over to Images, and these are the top results. That's 12 People covers of "my life now" intimate tell-alls. This is not groundbreaking in any way, shape, or form. Well, the amount of photoshopping on the cover photo is probably groundbreaking.

And lastly, once again proving there's never an original bone in Meghan's body:

Kate wears a hat on the cover, so Meghan wears a hat on the cover.

Kate brings her dog to the photoshoot, Meghan brings her dog to the photoshoot.

I'm honestly shocked Meghan didn't bring out her bike for this one too.

[sickonthedancefloor]

sicktember: Day 14

Sicktember Prompt: Day 14 - Clean Sheets / Fresh Pajamas Sickie: Yunho Caregiver: Seonghwa, Wooyoung, Yeosang

“And… up,” Yeosang says softly, his hands holding Yunho by the elbows. While the older man is taller, he’s barely stronger than a child at his current state. Roasting with a fever that has been taking days to break, weak with chills and hoarse from a rough cough that’s been plaguing him for past week, Yunho’s been barely able to get out of bed on his own. After his fainting spell earlier, Yeosang had called in Seonghwa for reinforcements, deciding that Yunho’s “I’ll sleep it off” method wasn’t working anymore.

Yunho takes in a deep breath—or tries, and Yeosang can hear a whistle in his wheezing—and feels Wooyoung’s hands gripping his waist for extra support. He stares at his roommate with a sad look.

“You’re okay,” Yeosang encourages. “Come on. Slow steps to the bathroom.”

Yunho doesn’t reply verbally, but Yeosang catches the small nod as they begin to shift towards the bathroom. Yeosang moves backwards but doesn’t worry about hurting himself—they’re going too slow for bumping into a wall or a door to do anything. And with Yunho’s room as clean as it is, they’re not likely to run into anything but his dog-shaped bedside table. Yeosang just continues to encourage him until they make it into the bathroom, where Seonghwa pulls his hands from the water at the tub.

“It’s warm, not too warm but should be comfortable enough,” the oldest member says.

“Thank you,” Yunho grunts. His eyes blink heavily and he sways, but the hands grip his arms a little tighter. Yeosang is practically holding him forward. “I… I’m sorry.”

That has Wooyoung laughing. “Silly. Come on, let’s get you in the tub.”

They make quick work of ridding Yunho of his sweat-soaked pajamas and helping him into the tub, sitting him gently. He shivers, the water not as hot as he’d hoped, but warm enough that it doesn’t make him whine about the temperature. Wooyoung takes over getting the soap and a washcloth, and as Yunho leans on the side and rests his head, he takes over trying to scrub his sweat-salty skin clean. Yeosang and Seonghwa slip away into the bedroom and start cleaning what they can.

Seonghwa wastes no time in stripping the bed of the dirty sheets, recruiting Yeosang to remove the pillow cases. Yeosang grimaces at the wet marks on the pillow, feeling bad. “He’s been sweating so badly…” he mumbles.

“But his fever still keeps coming back,” Seonghwa sighs in response. “If he doesn’t feel even a little better tomorrow, I’m making our manager take him to the doctor.”

“He’s going to complain,” Yeosang answers. He laughs, but he really agrees with his hyung; Yunho hasn’t been getting better and it’s been days. Both of them frown, before scooping up the old bed linen and carrying it to the washing machine.

~*~

Yunho coughs roughly and grimaces when he bumps his chin on the tub. He whines at the sudden pain, and Wooyoung reaches over to rub his chin.

“Oh Yunho… you’re just having a rough night, aren’t you?” Wooyoung tries to comfort him, voice soft and soothing.

Yunho just groans in response, setting his face back down on the tub side, sideways this time. “Bad week. Worst Tuesday.”

“It’s… Thursday.”

That has Yunho lifting his head quickly, surprise taking over his face, but he ends up covering his mouth with one shaky hand as he lets out a few more painful coughs into his hand. Wooyoung rubs his back until he calms down, and when he looks at his hand, covered in sputum and phlegm, he frowns and just sticks his hand into the water to wash it off. Wooyoung pulls his hand over and runs the washcloth over it, before putting his hand back in the water. Sighing, Yunho sets his head back down.

“Oh Yun… You slept most of yesterday, didn’t you?”

“If that’s what we’re calling it,” Yunho grumbles. He could barely rest peacefully, between waking up to kick his blanket off, waking up to cover himself, the nonstop chills, his cough waking him up, and then his most recent nausea and dizziness… It’s been awful. He doesn’t feel like he’s slept in days, but according to Yeosang, he’s just been staying in bed and living off water and crackers.

Wooyoung scoops water from the tub and washes away suds from his back, then over his shoulder. “It’s okay. Let’s just finish the bath, then get you back to bed, with soup and medication this time.”

Yunho sighs. “This is so tiring.” His voice even sounds exhausted. Wooyoung’s sure, especially if he’s been so sick he’s losing track of time. Wooyoung just continues to pour water on his back, rubbing it gently. He can feel Yunho relaxing under his soothing, until Yunho almost falls asleep. His coughing startles him to sit up again, and Wooyoung decides they’ve spent enough time in the tub. He lets out the water from the tub, then uses the detachable showerhead to rinse any remaining soap from Yunho before he calls for Yeosang again.

“I can get up myself,” Yunho grumbles, holding onto the side of the tub.

Yeosang hurries in anyway, to catch Yunho looking awfully green trying to right himself onto his feet. The two help him step out, only for Yunho to pitch forward at the toilet. He yanks the lid up and immediately lets out a mouthful of pale, sludgy vomit. He can hear both of them murmuring soft encouragements, both members easing him to kneel onto the bathroom rug to just throw up again. While he catches his breath, he feels Wooyoung rubbing the towel over his skin, trying to dry him a little bit. He tries to lean forward, but Yeosang pulls him over to lay against his shoulder instead.

“Wasn’t this bad… yesterday,” he mumbles against Yeosang’s shoulder. “I wanted… wanted to get dressed myself.”

“Come on, do you think you’re done?” Wooyoung asks.

Yunho nods. Yeosang helps him up again, slowly this time, and they hand Yunho his own boxers, letting him have the dignity of getting himself dressed. Once he tugs his shirt on, they help him rinse his mouth out with mouthwash, then take him back into his room. Seonghwa’s seated on his computer desk chair, checking the dosage on one of the medication bottles in his hand. Yunho realizes, as the two help tuck him in, that they changed his sheets and had a fresh blanket tossed on top. They have to tug him forward to keep him from laying down right away, which has Seonghwa laughing as he rolls the chair over. Yunho doesn’t complain when he sips the cough syrup, taking relief in the water bottle handed to him afterward. And his eyes droop quickly. As Wooyoung helps Yunho lay down, Yeosang hands Pudeongie into his arms and Seonghwa tugs the blanket up to his shoulders. With a yawn, Yunho settles down easily.

[author-of-love]

Alhaitham x househusband male reader part 1

"Goodbye, I love you!?" I shouted

"Farewell darling" He yelled walking down the path. I sigh as I move up my sleeves and close the door.

I walk over to the kitchen, turning on the tap as I grab the bucket and full it up with water and soap. "Cleaning, cleaning, clean, la la la" I sing as I put a cloth in the bucket and move it to the window, putting it down on the wooden floor. I grab the cloth, squeezing out the cloth. "Finally done the windows, now I need to clean the floors, I have been thinking" I say out loud. I tip the bucket full of dirty water into the sink.

"Should I stop wearing shoes in the house?" I question I keep the bucket in the sink, I walk to the bedroom and started making the bed. "Maybe I should get some slippers or indoor shoes stop mud and sand spreading through the house" I nod my head. Fluffing up the pillows.

I look outside the windows and see the sun is in the middle of the sky.

Ah lunch.

What should I make today, I know traveller has introduced me to sticky honey roast, which was absolutely delicious AND I'm still sure I have the ingredients for it, if not I'll put in a commission.

"La, la, da"

Damn it" I say as I look through the pantry and all over the place, is it the one thing I wanted today it's not there.

I sigh

Looks like I'm going to have to put in a commission for it.

"Oh well looks like I'm going to have to find something else for dinner" I search round the kitchen and found peppers, meat, nuts and hot chili pepper sauce. I might save that for tea. I grab my bag and open it to check if I have my purse.

I nod as I close. Off to the market I go. As I walk down the street I saw an academia student harassing a child. "Hey what do you think your doing?" I asked as I cross my arms. "Look boy, I don't think you common folk could understand what I'm doing, so just leave," He yelled as he looked at me. "I don't care, leave this child alone, what could they have done?" I sneer. I looked over to the child who was begging me with their eyes. "I need it for an experiment!?" He answered slowly.

Patronising prick.

"Well, that would be considered unethical since not only does this child not want to be here and hasn't give you consent, you're unprofessional, untrustworthy, and snobby." I sang.

He shivered. "How, how would you -" "Now, if you don't want me to tell the guards what you're doing, then leave the child alone," I whispered.

He nodded and then rushed away. I neel down to the child's height. "Are you ok, young one?" I asked. They nod. "Thank you, sir, you're the only one that did something that helped." I was erked to think that adults do nothing for the children, yet they moan to stop what a bunch of hypocrites are.

"Well, are you fine walking home on your own?" I asked another question.

"Yep, my dad is right there," he pointed.

I'm glad. I nodded as he ran over to him.

I slammed the door shut, time to eat, then back to scrubbing. "Darling, I'm home," her husband called. I hummed too absorbed in my cleaning, then I felt to arms around me. "I see you have been busy." I chuckle as I stand up straight, I look up at him. Why is he so gorgeous, damn I got lucky.

I hug him, letting my face rest on his chest. "I've been thinking why don't we get indoor shoes," I said. He hummed, "Why do you ask my love?"Well, since I don't want dirt or sand getting into crooks and crannies, it's hard to clean out," I answered.

Which he agreed.

I'm glad because I would have done it anyway.

"I love you, Alhaitham,"

"I love you too y/n"

[claraisanastronaut]

₊ * ⋆｡⊹🐚𓇼☾☼🦪₊ * ⋆｡

"Sunny days."

Warnings: None, just a little spicy hint at the end. Context: What it would be like if the reader and Soap went to the beach.

John “Soap” MacTavish on the beach

•He simply loves everything related to water. Although sometimes he is a little difficult to take a shower, but once he gets in, he doesn't want to get out.

•Soap is definitely the type who likes to try fruit cocktails and the most diverse drinks available at the drink stands on the beaches, he likes the more colorful ones. Honestly, I don't even know how he has the stomach to handle so much. He probably really likes fruits he hasn't tried yet, always looking for something new. He's not that big a fan of alcohol, but he's willing to drink it.

•He definitely likes to mix sweet things with savory things, you'll have to get used to the strange things he likes to eat.

•Yes, this guy loves inflatable boats and he would definitely pay to ride one of those with you. That is if he didn't take one that he bought online, imagine the scene: You and Soap going to the beach in your car, a bumpy road and as always Soap going at a rather fast speed. And the two of you sing Gwen Stefani's Bubble Pop Electric, each completing the other's lines.

•Soap is usually the one who sings the most on car trips, he simply doesn't stay silent, unless he's very concentrated.

•Soap, as always, chewing gum. He always carries a watermelon or tutti-frutti flavored one in his pants pocket. And how annoying the noise he makes is, because he insists on chewing with his front tooth sometimes just to annoy you and asks if you want some with a smile on his face.

• The car shook whenever he chose between going straight through or avoiding a hole. The road was really rough, but what wouldn't you do for a nice day at the beach?

“Babe, slow down. The boat is almost falling from the ceiling.”

You warned when you saw in the rearview that the ropes that Soap tied to the top of the car were coming loose from the boat amidst all the commotion.

“We always do this, lass! Of course the boat isn’t goin to fa-“

The boat instantly detached itself from the roof of the car, the ropes came loose and the boat flew away from the car until it was stuck in a sharp rock.

“It seems that the boat wasn’t ver’ resistant, ...”

Soap crosses his arms and smiles at you with a smirk. As if the boat crash hadn't been his fault.

“What were you saying, John?”

You called him by his name and he already knew he was screwed.

•Soap would most likely rent you a swan-shaped pedal boat and pedal for hours if he could, but you also had to rest. This man is a machine on both the pedal boat and the boat. His muscular arms help a lot in steering the boat and his leg movements alone support the entire pedal boat. It's obvious that he has the spirit of a restless child, he was a naughty child.

•Soap probably drowned the first time he went to the beach. And yes, he was the kind of kid who ate beach sand and drank sea water. He was chaotic.

•He definitely likes to build sandcastles, and he's good at it from practicing so much. He places the flag at the top and also makes a bridge to the castle. You sit in the reclining beach chair, under the umbrella while Soap builds a sandcastle, roasting in the sun.

•And if you had a child, he would definitely help the little one build his sandcastle too, fetching sea water in the bucket. It's very funny to see a very muscular, high-ranking soldier fetching sea water in a frog bucket that he bought for your son. You took a Polaroid photo of that moment and put it on the photo board you have at home.

•Yes, he would jump waves with his son. And maybe he would slip and drag the child together unintentionally.

•He collects shells near the sea.

The indigo blue sky, the dense white clouds on the horizon. The sun was perfectly warm, you helped Soap apply sunscreen and left him alone for a few minutes to read a book while listening to the sound of the waves. After these minutes, he returned with his hand closed, holding something.

“I brought some gifts, lass. They suit ye.”

You open your hands to receive whatever he was carrying and he dumps several shells into your hands. Shells of different colors and shapes are the most beautiful he could have found.

“Thank you, Soap. They are beautiful."

You smile at Soap.

"Do ye want to know somethin’, lass? If I drown in yer beauty, do I have the right to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"

Soap smiles widely as he says the tenth pick-up line of the day. Yes, you have a relationship. But that never meant he would stop flirting with you.

In a normal, very constant act of living with Soap. You put your finger on your temple and laugh at the stupid thing he just said to you.

•At the end of the day, when Soap's battery is finally running low, he drags you so you can watch the sunset together with his arm around your waist. Soap has always been a sea boy, just like a water-loving golden retriever. Soap suddenly picks up a stick near where you were, you have no idea how he found it. Suddenly, he sits down next to you again, the sand slowly melting away. He starts drawing with the stick, it seems to be just a few scribbles, but soon you see 2 stick figures in the sand: one looking like a cockatiel and the other very cute, with features very similar to... You.

"It’s ye and me, lass."

He smiles at you with those puppy eyes you love so much. You know that you are deeply in love with John "Soap" MacTavish and that he is the man you want.

 Suddenly, a wave comes and erases the drawing, Soap observes everything and sighs looking at the dark stain in the sand.

“Seall ciod a rinn an tonn, tha e coltach gun do sgrios e ar gaol, lass.” (Look what the wave has done, it seems to have destroye' our love, lass.)

You laugh, but kiss him on the cheek.

•You go home again after a long day at the beach. You take a relaxing bath together, Soap threw cold water on your face, but it was the best because of the heat, although it got even hotter after that. It seems like it's a very constant game in the bath. Then, Soap ordered pizza for you, half chocolate and half pepperoni pizza with a few more additions. It was a completely incredible day. And what a night!

₊ * ⋆｡⊹🐚𓇼☾☼🦪₊ * ⋆｡

Kisses, I'll leave the rest to you to imagine. This is my first headcanon, I hope you liked it.🤍

[itrin]

damien's character questionnaire!

so i did the character questionnaire thing following wisteria-lodge's post for damien because I thought it would be fun and it was!!! love this guy he's got so many issues!! I encourage all damien brainwom sufferers to also do this and throw ur own hat into the ring!

anyways:

What is the character’s go-to drink order? black coffee, and damien likes to make it himself because the routine of it lets him pretend, at least for a few minutes, that he can be a person. he doesn't really care about blends or the roasts, usually just grabs whatever off the shelf; if the place he's staying at only had a kettle, he'll take instant coffee. (damien would never admit this on pain of death but: he has a massive sweet tooth too, and if he gets a barista to add whipped cream or cold foam to his coffee, then that's his business. and if u saw damien with a frappe, no you didn't.) he opts for black coffee because he thinks that's what he supposed to drink -- that's what his persona, crafted over years, is supposed to drink. he saw something on TV that said "adults drink black coffee."

What is their grooming routine? he has none lol. he has none. no one talked to him about it, no one told him about any of it. he cuts his own hair with a shitty pair of dollar store scissors when he feels like it because he can't stand the intimacy of a barber. he hacks at his hair in a shitty bathroom somewhere, and he showers with whatever soap set the hotel/motel provides.

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? uh.

Do they have any scars or tattoos? there's a very faded burn scar on his wrist from his first time cooking for himself, after his parents left. he learned how to properly handle a hot pan that day. he has a nick somewhere from the first few times he's had to shave, before he knew how to angle a razor. a little indent on his ear, minuscule really -- the first time he went to a barber and he just kept running his hands through his hair and damien wanted him to keep doing it because it felt good then freaked out about it and violently flinched away, making the barber nip him on accident.

What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? he does not cry easy, he hates crying. he thinks it's a sign of vulnerability, of humanity, and he is not human. robert was human, robert cried like a baby, and robert was thrown away, but. damien doesn't cry... mark left, though, and he closed the door behind him when he walked out and damien slid to the floor and.

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? only child.

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. fucking ratty, worn, filthy things because damien already has to wash his clothes in the laundry, why would he put in the effort of cleaning his shoes?? they're for the ground, they're meant to be dirty.

Describe the place where they sleep. wherever he can. his childhood bed in an empty, dark, silent house. during damien's first years out in the world, he would sleep in whatever car he was driving, and sometimes it was a luxury one with heated seats. then as he got more control, he slept in california kings in mansions and penthouses, bed and pillows so soft with down and silk that he could almost sink through them. as he got more experience along with that control, he usually went for understated but nice condos where he could convince the landlord that he'd already paid. blending in was safer. damien hates sleeping beside windows, the sun rays always woke him up too early no matter how tightly he closed the curtains and blinds.

What is their favorite holiday? he tells people it's halloween because he thinks that's what he's supposed to say; it fits with his vibe, his persona, right? but really, he feels detached from all holidays -- all the kids going out with their parents and groups of friends laughing together on the street. every holiday required someone else to celebrate with, and damien couldn't stand any of them. he hated christmas, out of all of the others. he liked fourth of july and new years, though; he would park his car on a high cliff and watch the fireworks, dazzled by the sky).

What objects do they always carry around with them? phone, but really, what would he need to? he has nothing. and can get anything. post-canon, damien gets a wallet, small and worn and ratty but it does its job.

[bumblepuppy]

Since Monty did the OC questions for Cygnus and Dominic, I decided to copy him and do it for Isidore and Cassis. >:3

(Art by @rainy-days-and-nights​!)

What is the character’s go-to drink order?

Isidore lost his sense of taste when he died, so drinks don’t have much value to him beyond ‘cool me down, warm me up, or keep me hydrated’ (and he tends to neglect the last one as well). He’ll drink coffee when Cassis makes it and he’ll overload it with sugar so he can get some sort of flavor out off it, but if he visited a cafe that had carbonated drinks and/or drinks with tapioca pearls he’d go for those because the texture is something interesting. Cassis loves hot drinks! He’d go with coffee (light roast, cream and sugar), but on special occasions he’d order something more nostalgic, like hot apple cider.

What is their grooming routine? 

Isidore is an hour-long bath with fancy soaps and shampoos kind of guy. However... he loses that luxury pretty quickly after getting killed/brought back/forcibly employed at the church, and has to stick with communal showers and their supplied toiletries. He can go back to his hour long baths once he starts living with Cassis, but even then he has lost his beloved soaps. Apart from that, he spends a long time on his hair and outfits, making sure that as little of his discolored skin is showing as possible. Cassis is... a little less put together. Quick showers, ties his hair up every day so it doesn’t get in the way, and is cursed to have permanent stubble forever (because he’s not him if we draw him clean shaven) so even when he does remember to shave it doesn’t stay for long. He’s bad at the whole self-care thing, but having Isidore to comb his hair and take long baths with him is helpful.

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? Coming from a noble family, Isidore is used to having way too much pocket money for his own good. His biggest vice is jewelry, mostly because it was pretty and also easy to hide from his father, who would destroy anything that his son owned that he considered too femme.

On the other hand, Cassis is a poor farm boy who isn’t used to having much money at all. Most of the work he does is pro bono, and when he does get money he squirrels it away. That said... he has a weakness for anything that looks like it could be useful for his work. Scrap metal, bits of wire, anything of that ilk... he’ll buy it without a second thought.

Do they have any scars or tattoos?

Most of Isidore’s stitching happened postmortem, with a lot of it being more preventative than corrective. His arms were frequent targets of bullying from other inquisitors when he worked at the church, often being torn off and having to be sewn back on by the nuns. His most notable scar is his cause of death--the clean ring around his neck where his head had to be sewn back on. He hates being touched anywhere around it. Cassis has a lot of scarring, with his most notable scar being the place where three of his fingers once were on his left hand. This was an accident back in his teaching days that caused him to lose his job--a demonstration in front of his students went awry, blowing off half of his hand and burning parts of his arms and torso. Luckily, none of his students were hurt.

What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? Cassis is one of the two people Isidore is vulnerable around (the other being his sister), and all he has to do to get Isidore to tear up is say how beautiful he finds him, especially before/after/during sex. Isidore has the self worth of a tissue (especially with how he looks now) and has a hard time believing that anyone finds him attractive or worthy of their love, so it gets him every time. For Cassis... finding out that his brother doesn’t love him nearly as much as Cassis loves him, and that he thinks Isidore is property of the church and doesn’t even see him as human.

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? Isidore is the oldest child! He has two younger siblings. Eloise, his sister, who is. five years younger, and Andre, his brother, who is twenty years younger. He’s close to Eloise, and reconnecting with her after his murder is an incredibly important thing for him. Andre on the other hand is very young, with his birth killing their mother and kind of being the catalyst for their father to go from ‘aloof jerk’ to ‘violent homophobe’. Andre admires Cassis a lot and has uncle-zoned him, even if they’re technically brothers-in-law. Cassis is the youngest, with his older brother, Johann, being (approximately) six months older. Cassis was a child found in Johann’s family’s barn one night, and after being unable to locate his family, they adopted him. Johann and Cassis were originally close, with Johann being very protective of his strange new younger brother... but things got murky in their teenage years when Cassis began to get attention for his intellect while Johann thought he had nothing to impress people with other than brute strength. This percolated for too long, leading to Johann harboring a grudge against his brother, who doesn’t even notice that he’s hated.

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. Isidore’s shoes are part of his inquisitor uniform, so they’re mass produced and don’t fit him too well. When he gets to choose his own shoes, he’s a fashionable flats kind of guy. As a farm boy, Cassis knows the value of a good pair of leather work boots! His current pair is pretty old and scuffed, but he takes them to the cobbler regularly.

Describe the place where they sleep. Isidore’s childhood room at his family’s estate is spacious, but sparsely decorated. Since he was frequently bullied by the other inquisitors, he was given his own room away from the barracks! ...which was a sleeping bag in a broom closet. Before he and Cassis became an item, he slept on Cassis’ sofa, but now he sleeps with Cassis in his room. :3c Cassis is... a bit of a clutterbitch, and his room is in the loft of his cabin. There isn’t much furniture other than a bed, a closet, and a nightstand, but he’s covered every surface with diagrams and unfolded clothes and drink glasses that he’s forgotten to take back to the kitchen. Isidore tries to help, but as a little rich boy, he doesn’t have much skill with cleaning.

What is their favorite holiday? Vague fantasy world that we haven’t made holidays for, so I’ll just kind of gesture at real world holidays for this! Isidore has more holidays that he hates than likes. Anything that makes him think of superficial feasts and parties that he’d have to attend (or, when he got older, was forced to stay in his room during). Even though he’d have fun seducing some of the knights his father hired for the night, the whole business is agonizing for him. He’d like... any Valentine’s Day equivalent, because while he doesn’t need an excuse to screw Cassis’ brains out, it doesn’t hurt to have one. Cassis loves any gift-giving holiday! He loves making things for people and getting them to smile :) He likes knowing everyone’s birthday.

What objects do they always carry around with them? For Isidore, a cloak, cape, or hood of some sort. He has a really low self-image, especially with all of the undead stuff happening, so any way to cover his face or draw less attention to himself is necessary. For Cassis... his glasses and his prosthetic hand. He’s pretty good at using his hand without the prosthetic, but he worries that it weirds people out so he keeps it on.

[heyftinally]

Non-exhaustive list of things maintaining a home required prior to modern conveniences:

Cooking three meals a day, from scratch or previously prepared preserves - baking, broiling, boiling, stewing, frying, toasting, and roasting.

Preserving food - canning, salting, drying, pickling, etc.

Laundry - likely anywhere between once and thrice a week, depending on income, living situation, and needs.

Child rearing - feeding, changing, teaching, reprimanding, cleaning, and connecting with.

Housekeeping - sweeping, polishing, airing out bedding (including mattresses), etc.

Mending and making - sewing new clothing for growing children, hemming or letting out clothing, mending tears, embroidering embellishments on clothing and good company napkins and tablecloths (which were not optional as they were a sign of capability), knitting/crocheting warm clothes for winter, etc.

Tending to any animals the family possessed, usually for practical purposes - chickens, cows, horses, sheep, etc.

Garden work - watering, weeding, harvesting, planting, tilling, and defending from pests and diseases.

Studying - it was all but required you (and your children) be well read on your religious book of choice in many communities.

Soap making, if you can't buy it easily/affordably. This means working with lye, which is caustic and can melt your flesh off.

Shopping - if you're lucky there's a general store a good 40+ minutes carriage ride from home, and that's where you'll get luxury items like coffee, sugar, salt, lamp oil, etc.

Now do all of that anywhere between daily and bi-weekly, AND work a part time job doing similar work for someone who can afford to pay you to do it instead of doing it themselves. So double at least one of the above chores (could be even more than that) or find time to do all of the above in between shifts in the cotton mill (praying your hand doesn't get cut off and your lungs don't give out), local factory (radium girls, anyone?), or other mass production site with absolutely zero safety regulations.

And when I say children, I mean you're likely to have at least two, anywhere up to double digits.

Nobody sat around just staring out the window for hours on end unless they were ridiculously wealthy. There wasn't time. If you were lucky, you might get a half hour or so in the evening to read something for pleasure (provided you could read and your husband allowed it) or work on a small pleasure project (assuming you could afford the materials to make it), or an occasional visit with a good friend for an hour in the afternoon. Otherwise? Well that's why people went to church - it was the only chance you had to catch up with people you otherwise rarely saw. That's also why Sunday used to be considered a rest day that was "evil" to break - it was literally the only day that people had some time to relax a little (there was still mending to do) before the next week of grueling work began.

Do women drunk on the trad wife fantasy know that women have been working in factories since the 1800s?

Like, why do you always assume you’re going to be middle to upper class living in the suburbs being a full time homemaker?

You’re more likely to be living in a multigenerational household while also doing some work on the side while raising your kids. Your money will go straight to your husband and he gets to decide what happens to it.

[ghostismybbygorl]

Alright more headcannons

Pt.1

Ale-ale-jandro

Actually hates the song alejandro by lady gaga. If rudy is mad at him he'll play the song in the car full blast to piss him off

He's 38

Hes got a BIG family. He has 7 siblings he's the oldest out if all if them

hes got a brother (36) with two daughters (6) (8)

A sister (32) with a son (10)

Twin brothers (25) one of them has a daughter (3)

A sister (20) who has a 1 year old girl

A brother (12)

A baby sister (7)

Hes roman catholic and goes to mass regularly with his family

His patron saint is St. Jude Thaddius

Him and soap will go to mass together

He's got a necklace of Guadalupe that his abuelita gave him before she passed. Every time he goes into battle he kisses the necklace and prays to his abuelita for protection

He has a tabby cat named diablo that he rescued off the streets. The cat's a total asshole to everyone but rudy.

Him and rudy are married but no one knows except for his family

This man can salsa dance like nobody's business. Dont get him near tequila or youll be learning how to dance the tango, salsa, square dance everything from him

He's a happy flirty drunk

When he's mad he'll forget how to say english words so he'll just stand there snapping his fingers trying to explain what he's trying to say but getting even more pissed because he can't remember the word.

Accidentally got high off of heroine one time. He was on a mission and somehow a bag of heroine opened up in his face causing him to inhale some. He said it was the best high he's experienced but swore to himself to never do any type of drugs after that experience in fear of getting addicted

Casually pops his neck and it'll crack LOUD

Takes a nap at 3:00 sharp. If he doesn't take his nap he will be bitchy for the rest of the day

He listens to latin r&b when he's relaxing and bad bunny when him and Rudy are alone together.

Being the oldest of the family hes a very nurturing person. When you're sick hes by your side with sopa de fideo, vics cream, and some medicinal tea

This man can and WILL cook. He used to cook with his mom and abuelita when he was younger

He loves to make tamales it reminds him of home

His family goes all out for Christmas everyone has stockings, they all get hella gifts, they sing, dance, bring over homemade food. They all will go to midnight mass and then open presents afterwords when they get home

He's always the best gift giver

His house looks like this and he still lives with his whole family (click the numbers i also have a link to the Pinterest boards if u wanna see more)

1, 2, 3

He has those candies that Abuelas give out

Rudy rudy

Hes actually savage af. He'll absolutely roast the shit out of you and hell say it in the most casual tone

Loves bad bunny

Hes 30

Hes a only child

He has the most obscene slippers

He drinks coffee religiously. He's a regular at starbucks. His favorite starbucks drink is the java chip Frappuccino with two extra shots of espresso and coconut milk

He loves del rosa cookies snd can open them without breaking them. He gets really upset if he does. It happened one time before and he was close to tears

 he loves diablo like its his own child.

He was the one to propose to Alejandro. They where sitting on a couch watching tv when he just pops the question "you want to get married?"

He's scared of anything supernatural. Dont even get him started on horror movies he will legit start praying the hail mary

He gives great massages

He's hella lactose intolerant like reenacting world war 3 in the bathroom intolerant.

since he doesn't have a big family rudy and his family will celebrate Christmas together with Alejandros family.

He absolutely loves the cheesy telenovas

He has a iguana named pakko.

He lives in Alejandro house with his family

He gets really out going when hes drunk he'll start singing and dancing

Price

Religiously plays wordle

He'll bring his bearded dragon into work ever so often. It always creeped ghost out for a while but eventually grew used to it.

He like to put little costumes on his bearded dragon

HE HAS A FAMILY PHOTO OF HIM, HIS BOYFRIEND, DOG AND DRAGON IN MATCHING CHRISTMAS SWEATERS. (He paid ghost big money to make the sweaters)

He doesn't shave his beard at all during november and his beard will get hella long. He usually does this because he dresses up as santa for christmas and goes to children shelter to give children christmas gifts.

He's like hella good with kids, babies especially. If he sees a baby crying he can instantly make it stop crying its like magic dad vibes.

When hes drunk he'll reminisce about the past and tell the same stories over and over. He also gets really nostalgic with laswell

He's the one to throw the christmas parties he takes it hella serious its a requirement that everyone wears a christmas sweater

His house looks like this

1, 2, 3

He has those LOUD sneezes

He takes dad naps. He'll just say he's resting his eyes and then just knock the fuck out.

He saws logs when he naps

Has a squatty potty

Ghost

Knows how to sew and can pretty much make anything. Every year he makes little plushies for everyone for Christmas

He keeps it a top secret but he has a 7 year old daughter that he adopted. Her name is Samantha

When the team first met her they nicknamed her ghoul and she loved it

She has her own little ghost mask and she wears it around the base when ghost brings her to work

Price absolutely adores her and will often volunteer to babysit if ghost is busy with a mission same with laswell

He plays animal crossing in his free time. He says its relaxing or that hes "taking care of the kids island"

His house looks like this

1, 2 3 bonus his daughters room 4

You know the scene in parks and rec when ron swanson was drunk off of snake juice...yeah thats him drunk

He'll face time his daughter when he's away every day

He has chronic insomnia so he'll stay up days on end until hes tired and then he'll pass out on his bed and sleep for a whole day.

He lets his daughter pain his nails. He came in one day with hot pink nails 💅🏼

He has a tattoo of one of his daughters drawing and a tattoo on his ribs of his daughter's handwriting saying "i love you daddy"

His nipples are pierced

He's giving his daughter a puppy for Christmas

Laswell

Her and her wife have a daughter who's 10

She made price her maid (or i guess man of honor?). He was so thrilled and of course sobbed when he saw her walk down the isle

She met price at a football game in london

Shes 40

When shes talking to her wife she'll refer the task as her kids. "Hey do you want to come to dinner with the kids?"

She wears scarfs all the time

Laswells daughter and Samantha are best friends and they will often schedule play dates and sleep over

She gives out the most heartfelt presents. If you talk about something you want 5 months ago she'll buy it and give it to you on Christmas.

Her house

1, 2 3

When theres a party with the boys she, her wife, price, and his boyfriend will watch all the stupid shit they would do and laugh at them

She has a Pomeranian named Annabelle

She does yoga with her wife

She gets sleepy when she's drunk and will probably fall asleep on prices sholder

She loves the smell of rosemary

Soap

He has a apartment which looks like this

1 2 3

He has a girl roommate who keeps the apartment tidy and clean while he's gone. (he very much appreciates her and always cooks and does the dishes for her). She likes to roast the shit out if him when he's home.

He has chronic pain in his right knee which causes him to wear a knee brace occasionally

Hes smokes the elf bars vapes. His favorite flavor is the rainbow candy

He got a tattoo of a heart on his butt cheek. He has absolutely no clue when he got it

He loves tequila drinks

Hes a cocktail type of bitch. The boys will be sipping on bourbon and soap will be over here with like a lemon drop martini or some fancy cocktail.

He wears jockstrap underwear. He says it makes his ass look great but he also wears those funny briefs like the ones that has emojis or cereal theme

When he's nervous he'll start rubbing his stubble

As a April fools prank he grew his beard out and cut it like price's beard. He then proceeded to walk around with his hat and a cigar and act like him for the whole day. He later convinced everyone to do it the next year. Ghost somehow sewed a beard to his mask for this.

He snorts when he laughs hard

He will do any dare someone tells him to do. Gaz jokingly dared soap to snort smarties thinking that he wouldnt do it....he did it......he still smells smarties from time to time.

Ghost and him have matching tattoos if skeletons dancing

He likes to listen to indie alternative music his favorite artist is steve lacy

When soaps drunk he gets all lovey dovey to everyone and he'll start singing sea shanties and pop songs. 

He has a snack stash. Everyone will be debriefing and he'll just randomly pull out a snack and start eating

Hes always hungry and eating. His favorite snacks are gummies, oreos, and Takis 

He will eat ANYTHING i mean ANYTHING. He's tried the weirdest foods out of curiosity and from dares.

Absolutely love's Christmas he wears ungly Christmas sweaters the whole month of december. He has a whole closet full of them

He loves candy canes and will go through multiple boxes of them throughout the month

Hes a nail biter

He's the god father of ghosts daughter.

He has a shower beer after work (a/n: its when you drink beer while you shower very life changing highly suggest it)

Hes really good at soccer

He sleeps in the most random spots and funniest positions. Ghost has a whole folder of all the weird places soap has slept. Everyone will fuck with him in his sleep and do random shit to him here's a few photos of what he would sleep like and what they do

Gazzy

He gets chronic migraines

He is a very VERY emotional drunk. He'll be happy and dancing and next he'll be crying over his goldfish that died 7 years ago

When he's mad his atlanta accent will kick in.

He's very sensitive to certain textures he loves sof blankets and has them littered around his apartment

He's a Very picky eater like the pallate of a 5 year old

He LOVES auntie annes mac and cheese and will eat that on the daily (its his comfort food)

He's allergic to bee's

Loves foo fighters

He can play cello

He's has ocd and will freak out if things dont go his way. Price usually has ti calm him down if he has a freak attack

His favorite anime is darling in the franxxs

He has a whole squishmellow collection on his bed

He really likes to paint him and soap will often chill out in the common room and just do artsy shit together

He loves sending reaction memes

He taught price the woah and now throw the woah at him

If he sees soap the both will look at each other and then do the biggest most dramatic way of the whip

He makes secret handshakes with everyone. Hes still trying to get ghost to do one

He arranges the secret santa and he always gives the most ridiculous presents

He loves to do yoga with laswell and her wife

His apartment looks like this

1 2 3 4

[theplanetprince]

Some more dash and a-lister posts that technically aren't canon but I feel like should be.

-Sam before her goth phase used to actually have playdates with Dash and Paulina because of parental obligation things. They all have a mutual understanding to never bring this up.

-they were the kids that had elaborate/cursed pretend barbie soap operas.

-dash stopped hanging around the girls in like the 5th grade, and this kick started Sam's joker phase bc of this "betrayal."

-Paulina's family bought a bunch of possibly haunted furniture from Ghostwriter's estate sale -- it has the side effect of giving her weird dreams and chronic head aches, but damn that chaise lounge looks killer.

-i full hearted believe that Dash if given enough time would have become the phantom's team medic. And when asked why he was such a jackass freshman year he would say "its because it's infinitely easier to hurt people than to fix them."

-on top of the cutesy band aids and teddy bear collection, Dash has a pink DS as well as other stuff like this. Its genuinely his favorite color, mostly because it's practical-- you can see it really easily, he knows no one else on the football team would have pink stuff-- ten percent because it looks good on him.

-Dash is Sidney Poindexter's Nephew. Sidney Poindexter was Dash's Father's brother.

-Same thread I think it would be funny if Star was distantly related to Young Blood- explaining her childish traits.

-Kwan's family owns a liquor store or some other small business in town. I say liquor store because it would be really funny to have a store called "Amity Park Spirits."

-Kwan's dad I feel like would be friends with Jack. Or at the very least Kwan's dad is friendly with Jack.

-Kwan is extremely different around strangers versus his real friends. Kwan is formal and courteous with strangers whereas his friendship Dash allows them both to indulge in their worst traits.

-Kwan and Val are Exs but are still really good friends, because no one can resist Kwan's charms. No one.

-Paulina and Dash love horror movies, Kwan can't stand them.

-Kwan is actually just a big of a coward as Dash maybe bigger but his fear response is to freeze, instead of run.

-Paulina, Dash, and Star try to keep up with the Phantom and ghost stuff-- while Kwan and Wes sound like those guys who can't tell celebrities apart.

-Kwan and Wes-- underrated dynamic I feel. Absolute Sunshine Child with the crustiest little guy.

-Wes only looks short in comparison to the others but being the basketball dork he still towers over the phantom trio. Though Paulina and Star don't let him get a big head about it-- they wear heels to dwarf him.

-Wes and Tucker are on the school paper together. Half because Wes is stalking them, half because he wants to perfect the craft of writing the perfect roast. Tucker despite thinking Wes is a total clown show often works with him on assignments.

[maastrichtiana]

Cal’syee’s living an episode of Shameless, Xandra’s living her TNG dreams, Vulcan’s on the set of HBO’s Rome, gloating about historical accuracy while still workshopping a quip about the world’s smallest violin.

First I was just squee about the new Summers baby, because I’m a sucker like that. The Krakoa era is a goldmine for wish list character interactions, everything and the kitchen sink. Soap opera and spectacle. Another stitch in a dangling plot thread, from I think 2013?

Ewing, you mad genius. Im obsessed with this page. Infinite room of parallels. I could write a 30,000 words easy.

“Safe from us, Gabriel.” Guffawed at Deathbird’s self-awareness. And the imagine of Gabriel suing for monthly monitored visitation as a matter of asshole principle and getting exactly what he wanted, cut away gag from an action shot, someone yelling where Scott is, cue panel of him halfway across the galaxy in dad mode.

But then you think about it. Vulcan was never a baby, he got ripped out of his mother by his future BiL and tossed in an age accelerator, it’s why he’s so messed up. All of which he blames his father for. For being too weak. His own kid was born after War of Kings, Cal’syee was imprisoned and experimented on by space evolutionaries, because the kid had “unique genes,” (still need to read that New Mutants run, and Xandra’s debut in Mr and Mrs X). Both happy parents are the Cains to their siblings Abels. Cal’syee was exiled for matricide and sororicide, Gabriel roasted Corsair AND D’ken, Corsair got better, The third parent more or less, symbolically and thematically. “Mr. Summers was my father/I… am Emperor Vulcan.”

Kudos to the X-Books forum for guessing the kid is actually a girl, Gibby’s “my son” versus Cal’syee’s “our child…” I thought Mom was diplomatically pointing out Gabriel’s sudden parental entitlement, but Cal’syee being jaded by a lifetime of Shi’ar Succession Shenanigans is funnier.

[nevereveraster]

LMAO there's more. Her mental illness and unhinged lies are getting obvious. The wheels are starting to come off:

Woowww looks like you really think amab and afab people are equal, that's why you go "big strong man bad big strong man can't be raped only man can be big and strong" The first statement we have here is more obviously delusional than we're seen thus far: it's alarming and heartbreaking that @mushroomchoir does not believe men can be raped. This is, in fact, a major reason men are afraid of jail time. Because males perpetrate over 90% of all violent rape and domestic violence against both men and women, males are naturally afraid that other males will rape them in a prison setting. Which is true; men are quite often raped in a prison setting, and then other men outside callously joke about it. "Don't drop the soap" is one such rape joke that men make about their own sex being raped by other men. It's also somewhat alarming that this child does not understand basic biological processes in humans. Testosterone at adulthood grants a 2x-2.5x increase in strength for the same muscle mass and size: that is, a man and woman of roughly equivalent stature, weight, and muscle mass are not pitted against each other equally. The man has a 2x-2.5x strength advantage. This is the original reason title IX was created.

"Also you're not an artist, nor a badass, and I really suspect you're no scientist either." And here we see the delusion really ramp up. @mushroomchoir has become so drunk on the idea that she can control others that she truly believes she can speak material reality into unbeing. The grandiosity and PD elements are really on display here. She seems to truly believe she can wipe out 20+ years of hobbyist art and 6 years of professionally paid creator artist work that paid my rent... simply by speaking into the world a negation. While I'm all for mind over matter and manifesting your own dreams, this is a delusion. Speaking "no ur not I said so!!!" doesn't magically make something true. I say "magically" because at its core this is the definition of magical thinking. The kind a 7-year-old does when they say "I'm a dinosaur now!" As for me not being a scientist... well, oh dear. I guess I'll need to put in my resignation and let my direct report as well as his direct report know that i was a fraud all alo--

Just kidding. This is, as before, a delusional attempt to go "no ur not I said so!!" it's worked just as well as the last attempt, which is to say not at all. "And no, you're not hurting me because you have no media literacy and can't follow the most simple concepts."

Pretty obvious projection here. Made more hilarious because one of my (paid) hobbies is editing and copywriting for first-time-author hopefuls. Once again it's clear that when @mushroomchoir uses terms like "media literacy" she's actually just throwing out buzzwords she hears with no ability to understand them. You're hurting an entire group of people by spreading blatant misinformation about them and actively causing them more pain. Another deliberate lie. I expect this one is because @mushroomchoir is enraged at how neatly I have cut down her meandering fallacy-filled arguments. She can't keep up in the intellectual arena, so she resorts to character assassination and crying wolf. Material reality is "hurting" trans people and "causing them pain." Okay. Telling an anorexic girl that she is too thin and will be intubated if she does not eat is also "hurting" and "causing pain" to that anorexic girl. It's also an acknowledgement of material reality AND lifesaving care. "Also, if you really were a trans activist at one point, you'd actually use the right terminology." 2006-2021. Die mad about it.

And yeah, you narrow women down to walking uteruses. Lie. I've already addressed this , this is just more "no ur not I said so!!" in a desperate attempt to ignore how badly she got roasted.

"You don't even know what my agab even is," lmao, she just lost the entire argument with this and she doesn't even realize.

if gender is someone's deeply held feeling and belief, AGAB cannot exist as it is incompatible with infant mental development. What a complete and total fucking idiot. And she tries to buzzword me with "media literacy?" What an absolute fool. She has no idea what the infant development milestone timeline is but she is trying to falsely claim that an infant who has no developed sense of self has the ability to imagine their own gender belief? GTFO with this absolute bullshit. "but you insist on breaking boundaries and forcing your view of the perfect little girl I need to be on me." Nah, you're just mad that I won't capitulate to your whining childish demands to control my language. Enough adults tiptoe around you and affirm your delusion that you honestly think you're in the right. It's like watching an Otherkin kid go "no, I'm an ocelot! I have a phantom tail!! I can feel it move!!" And because enough adults have affirmed and played along, I'm "breaking a boundary" if I accept material reality and go "you're not an ocelot."

"Fuck off, you creep. You're only protecting the kids when the kids can't fight back against your bullshit." Cannot parse. Seems to just be disconnected delusional rambling.

And for the record, bitch isn't a slur, bitch. Bitch bitch bitch. Oof. Feeling some strong fremdschämen here watching this child ignorantly blather on. Time for a basic language lesson she should have learned years ago! Slurs are slurs because they express contempt and dehumanize. Let's go grab the definition of "bitch:" M-W to the rescue! BITCH: the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

The behavioral endocrinology of both dogs and bitches is quite unique and differs from that of most other mammals2

informal + often offensive : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman

informal + offensive —used as a generalized term of abuse and disparagement for a woman

As we see here, bitch is commonly know to refer to an animal and commonly known to be an offensive, sexist slur for women. Calling me a term reducing me to an animal and also sexistly lashing out at me in contempt with that word is, by definition, the use of a slur. "If I wanted to call you a slur, I'd call you a faggot." Wowww she's just openly homophobic. What a nice person. Really showing who she is right now. This word is offensive and has no place in this conversation. "If you wanted to call me a slur however, you'd call me a misogynist. No, misogynist isn't a slur. This is the clearest evidence thus far that you deeply and intrinsically hate women. Misogynist: : a person who hates or discriminates against women : a misogynistic person. This neither conveys contempt nor dehumanizes. By definition not a slur. Also obviously correct considering the horribly sexist things she's been saying. "Just call me a tranny already, you know you want to."

I have no interest in calling you a dehumanizing slur. This word is offensive and has no place in this conversation. "Go to therapy. You are not a whole, beautiful person. You are an ugly mess of a half-baked being who can only find tranquility in trying to hurt others. It's pathetic, really."

Nah, it's just that your particular brand of obstinate willful ignorance coupled with grandiosity and MH issues is really entertaining to poke holes in. You go off on these unhinged rants and most of the fun is slapping them down with no real intellectual effort. It's a bit like putting on a video game and setting the difficuty to "trivial."

You said that the cass report proved all of your suspicions, and that data doesn't lie. But if you did a single Google search, you'd see that the data does not only just lie, it is entirely composed of lies. It also involved the abuse of a large amount of transgender people of all ages. Maybe don't rely on torture as your source, hm? Cannot parse. Appears to be yet more half-unhinged rambling.

Can't wait for part 2! EDIT: Aww, she realized how badly she got trounced and blocked me. Thanks for playing, delusional child. Hopefully you get the mental help you need.

[remtrack]

buying groceries with gojo satoru.

fem!reader.

genre | fluff.

requested by anon.

when grocery shopping with gojo, you’re most likely to end up spending over an hour in the store. gojo tends to take his sweet precious time choosing the things he wants. you don’t mind though, he knows how to keep you entertained the whole time.

no matter what you do, don’t let him do the grocery shopping alone. ever. he’ll forget what to buy.

expect to end up buying more things than necessary. making a grocery list would be useless, gojo ends up filling the grocery cart with sweets. you’d expect to only buy 7 items, but your husband has other ideas. most of the space in the grocery cart will end up filled with candy and junk food.

you know that thing fathers do where they’d slap the watermelon and know it’s good? satoru has this talent too, he’s good at choosing fruits. you can rely on him for that.

at times he’ll make you sit in the cart so that he can push you around. in the end you have to get out because he needs to make room for more things.

is it really necessary to buy 5 different brands of laundry detergent? to gojo, yes. it’s necessary. 

usually, the jujutsu high students would ask gojo to buy some things for them, but most of the time he’d forget to get them. the students learned to tell you what to get them instead.

you try to reach for a pack of chestnuts from the top rack, struggling due to the height of the rack. gojo, who’s watching you bursts out in a fit of laughters. 

“baby you’re so short”, he snorts, resting his chin on top of the grocery cart.

you stand down from your tippy toes and glare at him, gojo winking flirtatiously in response. as always, he knows exactly how to get on your fucking nerves.

“how about you help me, hm?”, you ask, though your tone suggests it’s a command. your husband lifts both his hands in surrender, walking close to you before lifting you up with one hand. his other hand remains on the metal grocery cart.

mindfully, you grab the pack of roasted chestnuts then rest your hands on gojo’s, signaling him to put you down yet he doesn’t. the shaman stays still, and when you look at him you could see him pointing to a bag of candy with his lips.

“no”, you sigh, tugging on his sleeve to let you down, “you have enough sweets, satoru”.

he doesn’t budge, not even a bit. one look at him and he looks like a sad kid waiting for his parents to pick him up for daycare. satoru keeps a pout on his face, peering at you through his shades. back then you would’ve fell for it and buy 5 packs of candy for him, but you know better now.

“not eating a pack of nerds won’t kill you, satoru”, you say, a stern expression on your face. 

no matter how strong a man is, they’re most likely to be afraid of their wife. gojo satoru’s the same.

still pouting, the man puts you down. 

ignoring his pouting look, you push him away from the cart and pushes it, walking down the candy alley quickly. gojo’s eyes are busy trailing brands of candy, like a little kid on christmas. the man has a childish personality at times, that’s a known fact. around you, his child-like shenanigans seem to amplify. 

a hand is placed on top of yours. you look at gojo, shaking your head when you see him still sulking. you use your free hand to fish for a piece of paper in your coat.

“megumi says he needs dishwasher soap”, you tell your husband, glancing at him, “so you go take one for him. kugisaki needs some feminine products so i’ll grab them for her”.

the sound of a woman announcing there’s 30 minutes more before the store closes interrupts you. sighing, you turn to your side to talk to gojo when you realize he’s gone.

that goddamn old man.

familiar with your husband’s antics, it doesn’t take you even a minute to know where he’s at. you stand on your tip-toes, using the grocery cart as support to look at the pastries section. you narrow your eyes as you search for the white-haired shaman. as expected, gojo’s standing there, a tray already full of pastries on hand. you don’t waste your time to walk towards him. 

eventhough shopping with satoru frustrates you, he knows how to make it up to you no matter what. after spending a few minutes picking pastries and a few minutes more to pay (though gojo cheated by tricking the old man in line) you finally walk out of the grocery store hand in hand. 

like the gentleman he is (he insists he is one) , gojo held all the grocery bags , leaving you with the bag of pastries. 

you lean your head on his shoulder as you walk towards your car, doing a mental check on the groceries you bought.

“what do you want for dinner, babe? i’ll cook you them”, you ask while he rubs circles on your thumb.

“let’s just eat out, i’ll take you to that restaurant you like”, you nod at his reply.

you take your head off his shoulder when you reach his car, “hold on. did you get  dishwasher soap for megumi?”.

gojo swallows the thick lump in his throat, eyes darting towards the already closed supermarket. he mouths a “no”.

“the kid’s going to kill you, satoru”.

✉ taglist : @aliteama @dearsukuna @cybergoo @hanniemilk @ariasann @soulasdarkascoffee @okusetomura @eidotheiapriv @maat-the-prescriptive @etoilezone @elipres @scarednekozz @iridescentkitsune @crapimahuman @nectar0sw33t @hq149 @bluedelphinium @bokutos-babyowl

[harrison-abbott]

All the eyes are whirling and dancing and they slip the calories into their mouths. You could be living on Pluto for all the presence you bring: they do not care that you’re alive; they’re only talking about the neighbourhood gossip from twenty years back – when the streets were still apricot and there were no mobile phones, when the internet hadn’t even started yet [this being the early 1990s, the best time in history: that final time to save the planet; where consumerism overtook the Western world; when the politicians gave their power to the markets]. They eat. Take the piss out of the neighbours. The folks they yack about are living a few hundred yards away, but the walls of the kitchen make it easy to assemble. The sluice of gravy and the roasted vegetables and of course the dead pigs and cows, all in browns and pinks and lain there in fleshy gleam, steaming, ach, those butchered animals taste so glorious, do they not. It’s not your birthday. Of course it isn’t; this is a commune of the elders: and he was a mistake child, with nae social ability, an embarrassment, an arrogant lil nobody – doesn’t matter what age he is. Then somebody offers him some gravy. He doesn’t eat that gravy because he does not eat animals. Somebody notices: “Oh no! He only touches the moral gravy!” And they all laugh – all 12 of them. 10 of the 12 are overweight and follow carcinogenic diets and drink with gusto. The other 2 are vegetarians (who will eventually become failed vegetarians) and they giggle and snort as well. It’s not his birthday. Amongst his presents are a book about a band from the 60s and when the big brother he sees it, he scoffs, rolls his eyes and says, “Oh, God, just move on!” And there’s a wooly jumper and some socks and boxers. The fire is coal fat; these golden orbs of rotten wood. What yomped humanity forward, what triggered the modern age. The boy’s age would probably witness the apocalypse, whereas his elder siblings would be just on the fringe, if not already just plucked off from cancer, or, more likely – just yet surviving on the rich leniency of the West, paow paow paow. When the super-elders are too drunk to do anything he goes into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Yes, that’s his job. Boo hoo. The siblings come in. And they touch him and tell him that they were only joking all night, only jesting, have a sense o humour, wee laddie, learn to get in the vibe of banter, for japes and jibes are how people make it through life. And the soap froths in the sink and the liquid is made up of 50 + chemicals and smells of his old primary school corridors when the cleaners came out and he was sent on errands to go and see whomever … Just as in school, he’s nothing but a high functioning autistic lad, with consciousness screaming all around him, a pressure and antagonism of which he cannot articulate. He accepts the passive aggressive apologies without accepting them. Yes, ha ho, ho ha. There is no murdered mammal in his gullet. On the iPod turret there’s a 90s band playing. And the brothers sing along to the wailed melody, though none of them know the lyrics, and nor does he. There’s a butcher’s knife by the sink, in a long lethal triangle. It could quite easily stab everybody in the room.