#soap cookie: a surviving child

[the-cookies-of-darkness]

Jawbreaker

"Oh, It's alright kid. Copper won't hurt a fly. "

Copper stops and looks at the duck confused

Ducky would do the "I'm watching you" motion if it had fingers. Soap grabs Ducky gently. "Ducky, be nice to the doggy."

[hundredandsix]

inner child headcanons ✩ [ellie williams] ✩

✩ wc: 1.2k

✩ Just thinking about Ellie's inner child and helping her heal it. She's so cute. I want to give her a hug and make her cookies.

✩ cw: none. only fluffy cuteness overload.

✩ As with any happy relationship, you are going to see all parts of Ellie. You will see the newborn whose mother did anything she could to save her, the happy-go-lucky girl that had a useless feud with Bill, the angry teenager who felt betrayed by Joel's actions, and the young woman who got a tattoo to cover her scar. But you will also see the child whose first love was ripped away traumatically and who was manipulated by an evil man who promised to help her.

✩ She obviously had a very fucked up childhood, but she might not register it as that because most people her age went through similar experiences (besides the whole having immunity and almost being killed for it kinda thing). The person that helped her discover her sexuality was taken from her in a very violent way, and she likely had to be the one to kill her. We're not even going to talk about David because he doesn't deserve a second of my thoughts.

✩ So it's kind of obvious to you but she likely wouldn't see it that way. Joel played a part in her healing initially. I don't see him as a parental figure for her, but having an adult that she trusted in her life helped her make some progress. That is until she found out the secret he kept from her. Then she spent so much time running away from it and away from him because she felt it was her fault.

✩ And that's why it's really confusing for her when she gets so attached to you. She never thought of herself as the clingy type, but after you get together, she wants to be with you all the time. This is not to say it's her self-esteem that's lacking, but she feels so safe and validated when she's around you. Like she's useful and needed.

✩ In short, it creates a lot of confusion for her. She doesn't understand why she always falls asleep when you two are alone. She's a chronic insomniac, but even when she feels well-rested, she gets so sleepy from the heat of your body and the curve of your smile. She feels so safe and knows that with you is where she's meant to be. Her nervous system finally relaxes and she gives in to the simple pleasure of your body against hers.

✩ Physical contact is important to her, but it can't be something she feels used for. Touching you in a way that is tender and not at all sexual is healing for her. She can be gentle. She can be soft and loving. You just need to help her prove that to herself.

✩ She's used to the attention being on her for the big things. Like when she found out she was immune and when she finds something useful on patrol. But the way you notice the little things about her sends her heart racing and warmth flooding through her body. You notice when she parts her hair on the other side and when she pulled the string out of her hoodie because she chewed off the ends. You notice when she doesn't eat because she's "not hungry" and when she changes her soap. Those little things drive her crazy because it feels so strange to be noticed on a deeper level like that.

✩ She finds a lot of comfort in what some would consider "childish" activities and hobbies. She collects cards and action figures because these were never things she could keep as a kid. They'd get stolen or broken. So now that she has her own space, she likes having these little items to make it truly hers.

✩ I'm just imagining finding her a little stuffed dinosaur that has mostly survived the elements of the apocalypse. She will pretend she finds it silly, but the fact that you remembered her fascination with dinosaurs and thought of her when you saw something so cute and soft made her feel what can only be described as childlike joy. She names it after you and cuddles it when you're not around. Otherwise, he sits politely on her lopsided couch in her little shack.

✩ Having her own space is very important to her, and she wants to create a shared solitude between the two of you. That being said, sometimes she just wants to be alone and she needs you to respect that. She didn't have this as a kid, so it means a lot to her that she can decorate her space as she chooses and do whatever she wants in it.

✩ She doesn't understand that she's seeking someone that comforts her inner child like this, and she may never realize it. She's just so angry about the childhood she never got to experience and the parents she doesn't know how to miss. So finding someone that knows how to hug the hurt, exhausted little girl who doesn't want to be alone would be monumental to her.

✩ She's great with kids. It almost feels like they seek her out because they just have that innate understanding between them. Ellie knows what it's like to feel unwanted and hopeless and she never wants any other child to feel like that.

✩ She finds spending meal times with you so comforting. Sometimes, she feels like she can actually get something down. You help take her mind off of the texture of the food and how it feels. It's just so intimate because she's used to eating on the go, but being vulnerable in front of each other and talking about your days makes her so happy.

✩ She gets so lost in her thoughts that she needs you to physically pull her out of them sometimes. Whether it's grabbing her hand or running your fingers through her hair, she needs that distraction. Ellie needs someone to remind her that going over a thought, again and again, is not going to change the outcome.

✩ She won't show it, but words mean a lot to her. She is the type of girl that will think about arguments for hours afterward and roll the conversation over her mind, thinking of what she should have said. She can take things very literally, so she might misunderstand what you are saying as something hurtful. That seems to be the default to her, so that's what she expects from others.

✩ When she feels safe with you, she will rant to you. She's so quiet at first, but once you've established that sense of trust, she wants to tell you about all her interests, and what she found on patrol, and the joke Jesse told her yesterday. She has no problem reciprocating this. She wants to listen to you rant and rave as well. But if she even gets the slightest idea that you are growing annoyed or irritated at her words, it'll be hard to get her to open back up again.

✩ She looks most at peace when she's sleeping. Her face relaxes and the years of running and scavenging seem to disappear. It makes you want to cuddle her deeper into your arms and never let her go <3

[auxiliuno]

Can you when child reader bakes sweets for the 141 after a tuff mission, and when they the sweets there surprised that its good? Or can you do when the child reader can pick up Alejandro and the 141 is shocked how small a person can pick them up

Hello hello! ✨️ I'm sorry this took so long anon, but u hope you enjoy it!

SFW!

Platonic!141 x Child baker!Reader

It had been another tough mission for the boys in 141; the goal for this mission had been to get intel on the Russian mafia. However, their target had escaped, along with the intel.

You had been waiting back at base, baking and anticipating 141's arrival back. They had rescued you a few weeks ago from a raid mission, finding you trapped in the enemy base. However, after saving you, they couldn't identify your parents; you were an orphan, roaming the streets, doing whatever you could to survive. That's why they decided to keep you here for now, until they could find you a good home.

° ° °

Wanting to keep yourself busy, you decided to look around the base for something to do. After a few minutes of looking around, you found a cookbook for sweets, just lying around in the base pantry. Curiously, you flipped through some of the pages until you found a cookie recipe that you wanted to try. Wondering if there were the ingredients lying around, you eventually found what you needed. It wasn't like you didn't know how to cook; you learned things fast on the streets.

Following the recipe, you quickly wisked up the ingredients and made the cookies. They ended up looking really good, and that's where you were now, waiting patiently for 141.

° ° °

As they entered the building, the men smelled the sweet aroma of baked goods. Their mouths watered instantly, after just coming back from an unsuccessful mission.

Soap was the first to speak up: "What's that delicious smell?" You ran up to them to greet them, hugging Soap's leg. "Hey kid," Ghost said, a smile behind his mask. Kyle and Price greeted you, too. Shortly after, you showed the 141 what you baked and all of them had bites of what you made. "This is the best thing to come back to after a failed mission, baked sweets!" Kyle remarked, as the rest of the men nodded in agreement. You were quite proud of yourself for being able to lift their spirits even after a tough mission. They all thanked you for your sweets, and you promised yourself that you'd try every recipe in that book for them, until they found you a home to stay in.

I'm sorry this was kind of short, I've been stuck in writers block for a month now, with no inspiration (ToT)

I hope you enjoyed it though anon, and thank you for requesting!

Have a great day ♡ㅤ

[starredfishing]

Three Houses Quest: You must now assign every Major Character of Three Houses (meaning Byleth, the students, and anyone they can recruit/s-support), a song from the Oh Hellos discography. Some characters are allowed to share songs if it fits more than one. But every character must have a song.

Reward: You get to listen to good music and think about these characters again.

And a cookie.

hi anon! why would you do this to me . /lh LSDKJFSDJFFJ

ok so i have to put this under a read more bc good lord the oh hellos have a lot of songs. ok. ahem. i present to you:

THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF THE OH HELLOS DISCOGRAPHY ATTACHED TO THE CAST OF FIRE EMBLEM: THREE HOUSES (2019)

BLACK EAGLES

Edelgard - Caesar

“Rise up to meet it, o sleeper, awake. Gather the soldiers, the heir to enfold. Crown him and give him a scepter to hold.”

Hubert - The Valley

“We were born in the shadow of the crimes of our fathers. Blood was our inheritance. No, we did not ask for this. Will you lead me?”

Ferdinand - Grow

“You’ve got a lot to learn, if you’d settle down. Let be what is, let be what isn’t. It’s a natural world in which we’re living, and if you let it alone, it will surely grow. Just leave it alone, child, and let it go.”

Caspar - Soap

“I’ve heard if I were tougher, then maybe I’d make it alive. I got a tender side, I’ll need a harder shell to survive.”

Linhardt - Rounds

“If my chest don’t cave in, when did I last breathe in? Am I empty again? Oh, that wind that I’ve been spending is a long one, my friend.”

Dorothea - Rose

“Wars are raising for her, crusades to adore her [...] Your rose is without a thorn, but no, my mouth don’t taste of metal from the pot here to the kettle. I think we got a lot we gotta learn [...] Call her briar long enough, and you’ll tangle up the true and the fable.”

Petra - Constellations

“All that’s left for me to climb to the heavens is the chasm of the night and a matter of time, but I hear the rumble as the tectonic plates start to shake and I feel my blood pounding like the beat of a drum.”

Bernadetta - Trees

“Safe inside the walls we built, we found ourselves a home. Higher branches, harder fall. Hesitation stops us all.”

BLUE LIONS

Dimitri - I Have Made Mistakes

“The sun, it does not cause us to grow, it is the rain that will strengthen your soul. It will make you whole. [...] I am afraid of all that I’ve built fading away.”

Dedue - Thus Always To Tyrants

“Let me die, let me drown, lay my bones in the ground, I will still come around when the time for sleep is through. [...] Where I go, will you still follow? Will you leave your shaded hollow? Will you greet the daylight looming, learn to love without consuming?” 

Felix - Notos

“And every word you shouldn’t say will come bubbling out of your throat. And you will drown in the wake of the things you lost to the winds of Notos. You gotta let go.”

Sylvain - Second Child, Restless Child

“I was born a second child with a spirit running wild, running free. And they saw trouble in my eyes, they were quick to recognize the devil in me.”

Ingrid - Passerine

“You were the song that I'd always sing, you were the light that the fire would bring but I can't shake this feeling that I was only pushing the spear into your side again.”

Ashe - New River

“And your stomach goes hollow at the thought that it could swallow you whole [...] But the river takes her shape from every tempest she abides, and like her, you’ll be made new again.”

Mercedes - Pale White Horse

“Down they fell like the children of Eden, down they fell like the tower as the land relinquished her ghost. [...] Neither plague nor famine tempered my courage, nor did raids make me cower.”

Annette - The Truth is a Cave

“I was bound and determined to be the child that you wanted. And I was blind to every sign that you left for me to find, and the truth became a tool that I held in my hand. And I wielded it but did not understand”

GOLDEN DEER

Claude -  Lapis Lazuli

“What can I say? ‘Cause the more I recite it, the more you wanna fight it, the more my language is sounding fabricated. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s either the growing is slow, or it cuts to the bone moving too quickly.”

Hilda - HILDA DOES NOT GET ONE BECAUSE SHE ISN'T SAD ENOUGH TO WARRANT A THE OH HELLOS SONG.

Lorenz - I Was Wrong

“I was torn between my god and my Father. [...] I was born at the dawn of our folly, and I was young and stubborn to the bone. [...] I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong.”

Marianne - Dear Wormwood

“I know who I am now, I know who I want to be. I want to be more than this devil inside of me.”

Ignatz  - Zephyrus

“You and I, we are matter, and it matters. I want to spin something out of nothing. Lead to gold, spring from winter.”

Raphael - Theseus

“Oh, that peace like a river, always going, but never getting. Seems like maybe it's not all that much a place as it is a way. And ways don't ever seem to want to stay too still for too long. Isn't that what it's all about?”

Leonie - Eurus 

“You can’t take any gold or rings further than the grave. Nothing we make can we bring, but the bait hanging from the string is calling my name, and like the wind it slips again out of my fingers.”

Lysithea - Glowing

“'Cause when Atlas shrugs, whose back is breaking? And I know how it feels to thе hands heavy as the heavens, a weight that could fold you to keep holding.”

CHURCH OF SEIROS

Rhea - Lay Me Down

“Take me home, I want to go down the road that will take me to the living oak. Lord, I know that I’m weathered stone, but I owe it to my brothers to carry them home.”

Seteth - O Sleeper

“I see the trail of shoulders I’ve climbed over, but by god, I’ll bloody up my hands with everything I am to cut away the mountains I’ve made and fill the dales below.”

Flayn - There Beneath

“There beneath the willow tree, I learned a lot about the way of things. [...] I know, I know this, there is beauty in the way of things.”

Alois - Soldier, Poet, King

“There will come a soldier who carries a mighty sword, he will tear your city down, O Lei, O Lai, O Lord.”

Catherine - Soldier, Poet, King 

Shamir - Cold

“When the feeling leaves you, it moves so slow like the loose change from your front pocket; you don’t even feel it go. When the bitter creeps in to bite you whole, a specter unreflected, oh it keeps you cold.”

Cyril - Boreas

“Yeah, I swing from believing that maybe my working will all pay off to considering drinking with Molotov. I'm halfway out the door. Maybe then my breath could embody a wildfire starting.”

Jeritza - Torches

“I got a venom like a snake running out of my mouth, it’s got you burning at the stake. Innocent or not, you’re not a bet I care to take.”

ASHEN WOLVES

Yuri - Eat You Alive

“But there’s nothing but pain on the edge of a knife, there is no courage in flirting with fear to prove you’re alive.”

Balthus - The Lament of Eustace Scrubb

“Brother, forgive me, we both know I’m the one to blame [...] Father, have mercy, ,I know that I have gone astray [...] But I’ll come around someday. When I touch the water, they tell me I could be set free.”

Hapi - Cold Is the Night

“Take this burden away from me, and bury it before it buries me.”

Constance - Hieroglyphs

“'Cause you've been too busy thinking ahead of where we're all going after we're dead to maybe consider our bodies are worth more than the dust that we can return to the ground again”

OTHER/EXTRA

Byleth - Hello My Old Heart 

“Hello, my old heart, how have you been? Are you still there inside my chest? I’ve been so worried, you’ve been so still– barely beating at all.”

Sothis - Where Is Your Rider?

“See, your face wasn’t quite as I remember, but I know that wicked shape to your smile. Bury me as it pleases you, lover. At sea or deep within the catacomb, but these bones never rested while living.”

Jeralt - This Will End

“No, I am not afraid to die. It’s every breath that comes before. [...] I will wait for this to end: the back and forth, the battery. For you, at last, to comprehend the kind of love of which I speak.”

Gilbert - Wishing Well 

“All the love you gave to me, it wasn’t enough to keep me. [...] Bent my knee to many kings, idols of prosperity. Heard that dollar calling me, so I sought it in the city.”

Rodrigue - Like the Dawn

“You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen. Your skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kings. And like the dawn you woke the world inside of me [...] And you will surely be the death of me, but how could I have known?”

[throwinggrapesoffthebalcony]

excerpt: Lavender Soap

They sense the brittle relationship with family. They sense the isolation of a human being in all of this. And apart from any tribe, with no relations, you're up for grabs. I haven't lived long enough to have a relationship with God. They say when you have a relationship with God, they can't touch your heart. But when you feel that sense of isolation in the fiery sunlight, you have to take a step back from the encircling woods. …There's a wonderful scene in The Sheltering Sky, when Port, Malkovich, makes a comment about the solid appearance of the blue sky. And that it seemed to be protecting them from what was behind. This, even though he was there amongst infidelity and the scathe of humanity in the harshest weather known to man. Could what's behind be worse? …Severed from the natural progression of family I take a step back - feeling like prey - from the rose vines crawling over the earth...backing up into the masks. They sense your troubles with the deft of some other animal who hasn't lost some primitive method of detecting the shiver of isolation. Vulnerability comes of isolation, but so does genius for pleasure. I've spent hours and hours trying to convey the surreal blue color of the sky, and the weather here. The weather is something to be survived elsewhere. Here, the weather is a phenomenon. And everyone is just a little sailboat. And it's easy to sail in one direction. I remember as a child being stranded in the harbor. I think the experience was more valuable for me than knowing how to sail against the wind. Everything traumatic becomes beauty, somehow. One thrives on their own humiliation. And if you're open to the enigmatic weather, then you're open to every sort of vulture that exists. But if you close yourself off and choose not to explore a place like this, you can't transcend, you’ll never transcend. I think safety is the greatest risk of the spirit don't you think? And I'm here, blind to the fact that I'm burned in the eyes of anyone who ever really mattered in my life - in that life I could have stayed and lived. But I'm screwed. Even the devil itself values family here – even if only for power. The devil could never survive as an individual.

Wrought with hypocrisy, I can't wait for the pleasure of another one night stand. The kind of girls that come here and throw themselves into this scene are deeply flawed, as I am. But they're also an exquisite form of beauty. Lost, ephemeral, is more beautiful than any continuity of tradition or cookie cutter cutouts. Here, no one is amused by perception or pageantry, Behind the masks, strangely, they value genius and beauty above all. It's greater than any drug that exists, a greater turn on. But it's like film, either you love it, or you don't, And if you don't then cinema means nothing, all of it means nothing. And if you do it's the flicker of the soul, and you look for it, to live in it every chance you get.

When a tree is uprooted, it dries out and is easily broken...sometimes. While some thrive in tribes, some believe in the whimsical, kinetic nature of billiard balls, as I do. Tribalism is never a guarantee, neither is savagery. And to a certain extent, an individual might not be able to raise himself from it. There is something wonderful about isolation in the woods. And here, the sky doesn't seem solid at all. It feels infinite. An incomprehensible blue color. And if there is some natural sense of fear in being human, here, is the safest that I've ever felt in my life.

–Alan Augustine

From my novel,

Lavender Soap, 1996-

[twstarchives]

Hello! There used to be a list about which characters have mentioned to have siblings/be only childs but I can't find it anymore ;; do you still have it or was I imagining it? If so, do you know what is there so far about each student's family life?

Riddle

Parents

Riddle lives with his mom, the status of his father is unknown. He has implied that his parents don’t get along.¹ Both parents are magic doctors, but his mother seems to be more well-known. To Riddle, she is extremely overbearing and planned out nearly every second of his life: controlled his education, his schedule, his diet, his clothing, the supplies he used, and which friends he could have. She put a heavy emphasis on studying and always being the best.²

1. Riddle Ghost Marriage voice lines 2. Main Story 1-19

Ace

Parents

Older brother

Grandmother

His brother is 7 years older than him and a Heartslabyul alumni.¹ He seems to have often messed around with Ace & make him angry on purpose, but it was all in good nature; they are very close. Apparently his brother was even more excited than their parents when they found out Ace got into NRC.² Ace has also mentioned his grandma a few times; she taught him about the Ghost Camera³ and warned him about magic blotting.⁴

1. Ace School Uniform PS 2. Ace Ceremony Robes voice lines 3. Main Story 0-19 4. Main Story 2-4

Deuce

Mother

Grandmother

He is an only child¹ and loves his mom very much. The entire reason he’s trying so hard to be an honors student is so that he can become a son she can be proud of. He once cried when she called him to tell him just that.²

The only time his grandma was mentioned was when he told a story of his mom crying to her on the phone, thinking she’d failed as a parent (during Deuce’s delinquent days).³

1. Jack Dorm Uniform PS 2. Wish Upon A Star 12 3. Main Story 1-13

Trey

Parents

Younger brother

Younger sister

His family runs a bakery. As the oldest child, he often had to take care of his little siblings (ie. ensuring they all brushed their teeth at night)¹. They all would pester him to bake them desserts,² but he cared for them a lot—one time his little brother really wanted to go to a live magift game so Trey spent his whole allowance to get him a ticket.³

1. Trey School Uniform PS 2. Ace School Uniform PS 3. Trey Wish Upon A Star voice lines

Cater

Parents

Two older sisters

Because of his dad’s work as a banker, their family had to move about once every two years, all over the world.¹ Cater hadn’t had any long-lasting friends because of this.

He has described his sisters as “unreasonable,” his dislikes in his profile are listed as “having to suck up to his sisters,” and when everyone was going home for winter holiday, he said he’d rather stay with Trey’s family.² In his voice lines, he mentioned that he can’t relate to Yuu feeling homesick because his sisters would just be waiting for him at home. His sisters rated everything by how cute it was, and if something “wasn’t cute” to them then Cater would have to redo it.³

They would get more excited about his birthday than he would, and buy him all kinds of presents he didn’t particularly like (such as stuffed animals, dolls, perfumes, soaps, etc). But they weren’t trying to be intentionally mean, and recently have started paying attention to what he really wants.⁴

When he was about 10 years old, his mom and sisters were always baking sweets. Cater was excited about this at first because it meant he could get lots of treats, but his sisters would make him eat everything. If he refused, they’d look so disheartened, and Cater couldn’t say no to that, so he kept forcing himself to eat. Because of this, he now hates sweets.⁴

1. Cater Scary Dress PS 2. Main Story 4-3 3. Cater Lab Coat PS 4. Cater Birthday PS

Leona

Falena (older brother)

Cheka (nephew)

Sister-in-law

Leona is a member of Afterglow Savannah’s royal family. His brother and his sister-in-law are the current rulers, and Cheka is next in line to the throne. Leona has constantly felt inferior and bitter that he and Falena are treated so differently based off nothing but birth order.¹ But he greatly respects his sister-in-law; she’s one of the only people he would never talk back to.² Cheka is very affectionate and clingy towards him.

1. Main Story 2-27 2. Ruggie’s Chat w/ Jack

Jack

Parents

Younger brother

Younger sister

Grandparents

Jack is the oldest in his family with an 11yo brother and a 7yo sister. He and his siblings are all very athletic; they used to play tag with each other for 6 hours on end.¹ Jack has said that wolf beastmen pick one soulmate to spend their whole life with, and his parents + grandparents are always at each others’ side, when they wake up, go on walks, eat, and go to sleep.²

1. Jack Happy Beans Day PS 2. Ace Ghost Marriage PS

Ruggie

Mother (deceased)

Father (unknown)

Grandmother

Ruggie's mother "became a star up in the sky" shortly after giving birth to him. His father went away for work and never came back, and to this day Ruggie doesn't know what happened to him.¹

He lives with his grandma in the slums of Afterglow Savannah. They were poor and struggled to find food to eat, but his grandma could make delicious food out of any ingredients they could find. Ruggie learned to cook from her.² He described her as very kind but also tough.

Ruggie seemed to have taken care of the other kids in the neighborhood too-- when everyone went home over winter break, he brought home leftovers from the cafeteria to feed his grandma and the kids.³

1. Ruggie Birthday PS 2. Ruggie School Uniform PS 3. Main Story 4-3

Azul

Mother

Stepfather

Grandmother

His mom fell in love with her divorce lawyer while separating from Azul’s biological father. She’s also the owner of the Ashengrottoes’ famous ristorante in the Coral Sea.¹ Because of their business, Azul grew up a foodie and was exposed to a lot of different foods from a young age.²

His stepfather is kind and honest, and very clever when it comes to his work. Azul respects him and they seem to have a good relationship. He taught him about law and contracts.¹

Everyone in the Ashengrotto family is a mage, but Azul’s grandmother is said to be especially powerful. She was known for helping those in need, and very “merciful,” just like Azul.¹

1. Azul Birthday PS 2. Azul Dorm Uniform PS

Jade & Floyd

Parents

Their parents started teaching them self-defense since they were little.¹ We don’t know many details of their childhood, but there was an interesting exchange between them—Jade once said “he made the right choice choosing Floyd as his partner,” and Floyd replied that “he’s glad Jade is the one that survived with him, too.”²

In Floyd’s Wish story, he brought up how their father told him to buy a nice pair of shoes when he went on land because “men who don’t pay attention to the small details get patronized” so your appearance is very important. Hearing this gave Idia and Ortho an uneasy feeling about Mr. Leech.

1. Jade PE Uniform voice lines 2. Floyd Dorm Uniform PS

Kalim

Parents

30-40 younger siblings

Kalim’s father comes from a long line of merchants and is supposedly the greatest one in the family. But despite how busy he is, he’s always wearing a smile. Kalim’s mother is the only one in the family who can use magic. She’s described as very kind, is always praising Kalim, and almost never gets angry.¹

Kalim doesn’t know the exact number of siblings he has, but he can put names to faces for all of them, and he often plays hide and seek with them in their house. He doesn’t come from a royal family (they’re just extremely rich), but some of his distant relatives are actual royalty.² One of his distant cousins apparently owns a tiger.³ His family has about 100 servants along with specialists like a personal doctor⁴ and a beast tamer.

1. Kalim Birthday PS 2. Main Story 4-8 3. Silver Lab Coat PS 4. Main Story 4-17

Jamil

Parents

Najma (younger sister)

His family has served the Asims for generations. His parents knew Jamil was a very bright child, but they insisted that he must always let Kalim be better than him, and would reprimand him for talking too casually to his young master.¹ Jamil seems to share a typical sibling relationship with his sister Najma. They often bicker with each other, but they’re on good terms. Najma used to bake him cookies for his birthday² and they would also get into fights because she’d tell him his cooking looked too plain.³ Jamil gave his VDC plus-one ticket to her during Episode 5.

Najma made her first in-game appearance during the Aleab Naria event. Their father had sent her to deliver a message in-person to Jamil, since he isn’t versed in technology likes PCs and phones and didn’t trust that a text would suffice.⁴

Najma claims that she and Jamil look nothing alike, but they tend to make near-identical expressions. She was relieved to see that he has a few friends at NRC because he never talks about them whenever he comes home.⁴ In one scene, Jamil reminds her to wipe her hands before eating and gives her a wet wipe, and she huffs at him to not treat her like a child. Trey notes how well Jamil looks after her, but Cater thinks he is a little bit overprotective.

1. Main Story 4-36 2. Jamil Birthday PS 3. Jamil Dorm Uniform PS 4. Aleab Naria 3-4, 3-5, 3-7

Vil

Eric (father)

Vil’s father is an extremely famous actor and goes by the stage name Eric Venue. Even the Leeches’ father is a fan of some of his movies.¹ Vil has mentioned that his dad would come home dressed in special effects makeup & costumes every Halloween,² and also used to read him stories about the Beautiful Queen.³

1. Vil Scary Dress PS 2. Vil Scary Dress voice lines 3. Scary Monsters 3-2

Epel

Parents

Grandparents

Aunt & Uncle (uncle is biological)

Male Cousin

Epel’s family lives on an apple farm that’s been around for generations. They all live in the same house. His village is also made up of farmers, and they often help each other out during the busy season and have big barbecues together. It feels like they’re one big family.¹

His relatives often send him apples from home since they have such an abundance of them. They seem to have some business struggles; Epel taught himself how to beautifully carve apples when he was young because many were blemished and wouldn’t otherwise sell.² He has also mentioned wanting to make a potion that strengthens weak apple trees to make his grandpa happy.³

Besides Epel, his grandma and great-grandma are the only ones in the family who can use magic.⁴ They ride brooms to pick apples that are too high to reach on foot. Epel wanted to help them when he was little so everyday he would get on a broom and try hopping up and down, and then one day it worked! Ever since then he’s helped with that task as well.

1. Epel Birthday PS 2. Epel School Uniform PS 3. Epel Lab Coat voice lines 4. Epel Ceremony Robes voice lines / Birthday PS

Idia & Ortho

???

The Shrouds are a noble family and famous for some reason, but Idia has said that being from a noble family isn’t all that great.¹ When he was worrying about being seen at the entrance ceremony, he expected people might gossip about how he’s from “the cursed Shroud family,” and that he’ll “spread misfortune to them.”² At another time, he mentioned that the audience would be apprehensive about what kind of “weird research” he did if he had to present his research on stage.³

1. Idia PE Uniform PS 2. Idia Ceremony Robes PS 3. Main Story 5-3

Lilia, Malleus, Silver

Malleus’ grandmother

Lilia was one of the Queen of the Valley of Thorns’ most trusted soldiers when he used to fight for the royal family.¹ In Cater’s Lab Coat story, they created mandrakes that reflected parts of themselves, and Lilia’s was said to “carry the cry of a tragic hero.”

He has watched over Malleus “ever since he had an eggshell over his head.” An infant Malleus once singed Lilia’s bangs by breathing fire and Lilia was so proud that he raised a glass of tomato juice to him.²

Malleus is the heir to the Valley of Thorns, a descendant of the king “who rules over all creatures of the night,” and his only living relative is his grandmother, the current Queen of the Valley. He spent much of his childhood alone in the castle. He used this time to learn how to play all kinds of stringed instruments. His grandmother is so busy that she shouldn’t even have spare time to write him letters, but every year on his birthday, she sends him one without fail, along with rose seeds from the garden by their castle.³

Long after Malleus had grown up, both he and Lilia took in baby Silver for an unknown reason. Silver thought he was his biological dad when he was little, and continues to refer to him as “Father.” They lived deep in the forest in the Valley of Thorns before coming to NRC. Apparently Silver was very easy to take care of; he would fall right to sleep after eating Lilia’s homemade food.⁴

At one point, Sebek also became one of Lilia’s pupils. He and Silver are the only two from their generation living in the Valley.⁵ When they were little, Lilia would have them undergo training like soldiers, but then he realized he should raise them more like kids, and started making their training more fun. He had them play tag in forests crawling with beasts, hide and seek in vast deserts, and “the floor is lava” in the mountains of needles.⁶

1. Silver Ceremony Robes 2. Lilia PE Uniform PS 3. Malleus Birthday PS 4. Lilia Lab Coat voice lines 5. Sebek School Uniform voice lines 6. Lilia Birthday PS

Sebek

Parents

Older brother

Older sister

Grandfather

Sebek’s mother is a nocturnal faerie and his father is a human who works as a dentist. They met when his mother had an appointment at his clinic. She was immediately charmed and courted him despite her surroundings being against her marrying a human. Now, she works at the clinic as his assistant.¹

Sebek greatly respects his mother and raves about how she’s extremely gifted with magic and has a strong sense of justice. His opinion of his dad, on the other hand, is much different—his dad seems very loving and often showers his children in praises, sweets, and gifts, but it drives Sebek crazy. He doesn’t understand how his mother saw any appeal in him.¹

Since his parents were often busy with their clinic, Sebek spent his childhood running off to visit his grandpa, or fishing and playing in the water with his siblings. Based on the fact that Sebek and Silver were said to be the only ones in their generation living in the Valley,² his siblings are most likely considerably older than him.

All we know about his grandpa is that Malleus also knew him, and mentioned that Sebek shares his hot-blooded temper.³

1. Sebek Birthday PS 2. Sebek School Uniform voice lines 3. Scary Monsters event story

No current info: Rook

Last updated: July 27, 2021

[grimoire2020aa]

Witch Date Ideas for different Witches

Kitchen Witch

Go to a homey bakery and let them go on and on about all the ways to enchant blueberry muffins.

(NYC) Go to eataly and get some good ass pastries or prosciutto and other delicious dried cuts, just basically eat around Eataly or go to Dough. 

(NYC) Explore supermarkets in places like china town, ktown, (eataly is great too) and get new foods or ingredients for them to try out at home. 

(NYC) Load your pockets with dollars and take them to a street fair and try every food/snack stand they want. 

(NYC) If they like beer take them to good beer and have one of the guys explain the different brews. If they like mead take them to Honies.

Green Witch

Go to a botanical garden and point to the prettiest flower and say “that’s you”

Start a date by giving them a bouquet with a special message by using the Victorian language of flowers, or your own correspondences

If living together, go to a local nursery and choose flowers to plant together at your home.

(NYC) Take them to Flower power and offer to get them a gift that they please. 

(NYC) Also be their buffer to killing their wallet cause that’ll happen at flower power. 

(NYC) Take them to any botanical garden. During the winter the Brooklyn one is free. 

(NYC) Take them florist shopping.

(NYC) Take them to the Kava bar in the lower east side to feel great after drinking nonalcoholic kava cocktails. 

(NYC) Get lost in the north woods in Central Park.

Hedge Witch

(NYC) take them to the beautiful greenwood cemetery. 

(NYC) Buy them some skulls or antlers at Catland. 

(NYC) Go ghost hunting in some spooky ass places like the abandoned homes of Govenors island or The Dakota building, but if it gets too spooky then have a picnic on the island or by Central Park instead!

Go pumpkin, apple, strawberry, or any fruit picking, then use the fruits/vegetables in cooking/baking.

Cosmic Witch

Take them star gazing and come up with stories about planets falling in love.

Take a car out to a quiet, rural place and stargaze. Watch from a blanket on the ground or the top of the car. If you want, you can take a telescope.

I’d suggest oddities since they sell meteorite and other spacely things though it could be costly there. 

(NYC) Museum of natural history has a great space section and planetarium too. 

(NYC) Stargazing in NYC might be tricky but if you go up to fort Tyron you might have a beautiful view nonetheless!

Sea Witch

Go to the beach and help them look for sea shells. Help them carry all the ocean water home.

(NYC) Take the Q35 from Flatbush Ave (last 2,5 stop) to fort Tilden. It’s the best beach since it’s the cleanest and hardly no one is there. It’s serene and you’ll find tons of shells. 

(NYC) You can stay on the same bus as it will take you to Jacob Riis beach. I find the water there way less clean with tons of algae BUT the seashells there are phenomenal! Like as huge as ashtrays. So if it’s cold and you want to just go seashell hunting I’d vote for Jacob riis. 

(NYC) Swimming is better for fort Tilden. If it’s too cold for the beach take them to a boutique called Oddities. They sell beautiful seashells and other incredible magical things in that shop. 

(NYC) You can also take them to the museum of natural history and chill in that gorgeous aquatic room with the massive whale that every child feared would drop on their heads and crush them. It’s a beautiful space. 

Lunar Witch

Bathe in the full moon together

Graveyard/Death Witch

Go to a local cemetery on a nice day and talk about all the headstones that speak to you.

Getting relationship advice from other spirits. Or traveling to graveyards To do exploring.

take them to the oldest cemetery in the area and do headstone rubbings together

Go people watching at a cemetery. You look out for the living ones and they’ll keep an eye on the dead ones

Take them to your local graveyard and let them tell you about what the ghosts of those who are long gone whisper to them.

Picnic next to a graveyard or a place that has a strong connection to spirits

Crystal Witch

Going to crystal stores and giving them rose quartz, because love.

Let them tell you about their own crystal collection as you browse your local geology museum/crystal shop. Ask them questions about their properties, and maybe even the chemical makeup if they have a scientific streak. 

Go to a craft fair and buy a crystal/stone piece for your loved one. 

Go to a gem mine to try and find some crystals, rocks, or gems

Energy Witch

(NYC) Get them a session at the Woom center. Take them to the tarot society to pet crystals. The tarot society and Earth Arts center also has soundbaths from time to time. 

(NYC) Avoid Times Square at all costs especially if they are super empathetic. 

(NYC) Design a candle together at Enchantments.

Storm Witch

If you live in the Midwest and don’t have a very strong sense of self preservation (like most of the locals), take them on a tornado chase with you and make out after you survive.

Just play in the rain with them.

invite them over when it’s raining to sit inside and listen to the pitter patter on the windows while you watch movies. Have rainboots and a coat ready if don’t want to watch a movie or want to do something fun afterwards.

Drag them into the rain and dance!

Desert Witch

Road trip to your nearest friendly neighborhood mesas/weird rock formations. Bonus if you listen to them talk about the area’s folklore

Divination Witch

Swap readings take them some where they can try new decks.

Space Witch

Go to the observatory.

Stare at the constellations

Enjoy a picnic under the stars

Fire Witch

Take them to a huge bonfire (possibly around Beltane) where you can talk and dance and everything, then take some ashes when you're done for different rituals!

(NYC) Sometimes flower power has an herbal smokes class you guys could sign up for. The people that work there would be happy to help you pick out herbs for your own herbal smoking blend! You can also go there to pick out ingredients for loose incense! 

(NYC) Namaste on 14th also has an amazing selection of incense. You can buy them a cute and quirky candle at flying tiger or pick materials for candle making together at Michaels. In the summertime go to Roosevelt island and have a bonfire in one of the fire pit/grills.

Necromantic Witch

Take them to a graveyard. 

Earth Witch

Start by leaving them a hand written letter to meet you somewhere. Have that somewhere be a beautiful hidden spot in the forest or anywhere that has to do with nature. Pack her favorite foods and bring her favorite book and take her on a forest picnic. Read to her (or have her read to you) as you just sit and enjoy each other’s company and Mother Earth around you.

Music Witch

Take them to a concert or a musical. Watch them get a little more into the rhythms than everyone else.

Go find some music and perform with them

Get a bunch of their favorite music albums (DVD’s) and listen to them together with or with out food

Try to watch a street performance or walk around downtown

Ice/Snow Witch

Ice skating! Or start a snow ball fight with them

Try making synthetic snow and play with it

Play with them on a snowy day, then enjoy some hot coco or hot cider with cookies

Building a snow man or playing in the snow on a snowy day

Try going to a cold place or a snowboard/ski resort to enjoy the snow and exercise

Bath Witch

(NYC) Take them to king spa or sauna castle (Korean bath and sauna houses) and try out every majestic sauna and bath together. 

(NYC) Take them to a shop like Lush or the Face Shop to try new things. Have a spa day at home with them.

Make a diy bath bomb or soap

Take bath with a bath bomb

Go to a sauna, onsen, or hot spring

Make a diy sauna with a humidifier in your bathroom or closet while you wear towels.

[askrossiel]

hardheadedbighearted​:

It was a stop-and-go ride to the top floor, as a couple of times the lift had to open to let in and then spit out its passengers, all of whom greeted them in a vague way, apart from the little boy who immediately hugged James’ leg in greeting.

And then they were at the top, and down the hall to James’ apartment.

“Here we are,” he said, and then stopped short.

Summer had called earlier to let him know she was dropping off the hand-me-down clothes from Yang, and he’d expected to find, at best, a box of old clothes.

Instead, sitting on his kitchen table was a large laundry hamper, decorated with ribbons and silk flowers and even a balloon. Along with the clothes- mostly just a small stack of screen t-shirts in varying shades of yellows and browns, but there was a jacket and a yellow argyle sweater in near new condition and a pair of sneakers as well- there were coloring books and crayons, a couple of storybooks straight from Yang and Ruby’s bookshelves, and a stuffed moose in a red gingham sundress.

On the more practical side, Summer had thrown in personal items, including a hairbrush, a toothbrush, and a bottle of scented shampoo; a little tray of pretty, decorative soaps shaped like seashells; and a nightlight shaped like a lightning bug.

Rounding out the care-package was a tin of chocolate cookies, all looking rather like they had definitely been made by enthusiastic and also young hands.

There was a letter on top of the basket. James picked it up and read it out loud.

“Dear James,” (he read), “The girls and I wanted to send your little friend a care package to get her settled in. If she doesn’t end up staying with you or Pietro, then send this along with her with our best wishes; if she does stay with you, then let her have this as a welcome home from our family. Best wishes, Summer, Ruby, Yang, Raven, and Tai. Ps, Raven raided your jars while we were here, she’ll replace the peanut brittle next time she comes over.’ Aw, what?”

He looked over at the end of the counter, where several colorful jars held sweets of different kinds. One of them was conspicuously empty. He sighed.

“Well, peanut brittle theft aside, that was far more than I was expecting and a big help to both of us. Here, let’s bring this to your room, shall we?”

She gave the child who had hugged James a polite little wave as they passed by.  A student?  Or a family member, perhaps?  She was sure she’d find out later.

The care that had been put into the assortment of items set her tail to wagging, and her paws drifted to her heart as though to feel the warmth therein.  Children in the Greenwoof were accustomed to things being passed from sibling to sibling, or between families whose children happened to be close enough in age.  Some things, if they were cared for well enough, even survived -- if well-worn and well-loved -- to be handed generation-to-generation.  That a family who had not even met her yet had taken the time to do this for her was... far more than she expected.

Rossiel couldn’t help bouncing a little on her toes as she let James lead the way to her room.

[the-cookies-of-darkness]

*once it was cleaned up! the rest of Halloween was pretty! well! NORMAL! Jackxy's friends came over! dressed up! her GF too! UGK came with his wife/wives! they followed Soive to the cookie run world! and went EVERYWHERE he could take'em! ALL NIGHT LONG! XD! none stop- candy gathering! while Ultra'n his bros stayed up ALL night GIVING out candy! wonder WHERE Jackxy'n co went? AND if anyone from earthbread went trick or treating in Ultra's world too? for more candy! *

Poison Mushroom and Soap did end up in a visit to Ultra's world. I think it's the first time the latter and his adoptive parents have been there, I'm not 100% sure, tho. As for Soive, he and the little friend group got plenty of candy! And Soive scared people with his costume alone, mostly because of the realistic tree moving sounds, and his pomegranates, which were made to look more like eye blossoms, actually did blink at a few unsuspecting cookies, which caught them off guard.

[howtohero]

#049 Changing Your Codename

While your codename is undoubtedly an intrinsic part of your image, changing it is actually not all that hard to do. If you’re not trying to completely reinvent yourself by faking your death, moving, getting a new costume and starting over as a brand new person, changing your name is as simple as just letting people know that you’re the same hero, just with a new name. Call a press conference, disseminate a press release, post it on twitter, take out an ad in a newspaper that’s just a silhouette with the words “Who is the new mysterious Hydrosassin??” and then on the next page there’s a nigh identical ad except the silhouette is replaced by a full color picture of you with the words “Oh it’s just this guy!” Basically, changing your codename is easy peasy lemon squeezey. But why would a superhero ever want to change their highly recognizable codename? Well, there a dozens of reasons! And we’ve compiled a bunch of them just special for you!

Reasons You Might Want (or need) to Change Your Codename:

It’s been a while since anybody’s written a news article about you.

Another superhero started using your codename and everybody likes them better so they get to keep it!

Your new costume has different colors so you need to change the color in your codename to properly reflect this change.

The evolution of language has resulted in your codename now having unfortunate implications (This is why that detective who bursts into flames doesn’t go by “Flaming Dick” anymore).

You’ve received a cease and desist from a major corporation.

You discovered that you’re actually allergic to the animal you’ve named yourself after.

Somebody else owns the website domain name associated with your codename and it’s not a website you want people thinking you’re affiliated with.

You were recently cured of your colorblindness and realized that your costume was a different color than you thought it was.

It sounds inappropriate when said in certain accents.

The version of you that appears in sitcoms and cartoons is an absolute buffoon and you want to distance yourself from that.

You are addicted to holding press conferences.

You realized your codename implied that you had powers that you don’t actually have.

Your codename was way too long, especially for people to call out when they were in immediate danger so people would invariably call some other hero.

It tested poorly with focus groups for reasons they “couldn’t quite put their finger on.”

You lost the trademark.

It didn’t fit on your vanity license plate (and you can’t just take the vowels and spaces out of “Mister Boater”).

It was hard for songwriters to find rhymes for when they wrote songs about your bravery and heroism.

Your name was used as the title of a movie that wasn’t about you at all (not even a little bit!) but people still kept asking you about it.

You weren’t doing anything else today so why not.

It was too easy for songwriters and comedians to find rhymes for your name and they kept making mean rhyming songs and jokes.

A new AI helper was developed and it has the same name as you and now every time somebody calls your name dozens of devices come to life and say “How can I help you today?” and it is annoying.

You accidentally got your codename tattooed on your arm during a drunken night out and now, in order to prevent people from realizing who you are, you need to either change your codename or get the tattoo removed and removing tattoos is painful and expensive!

A terrorist organization started calling themselves by your name.

You lost a bet.

Some other guy bested you in combat and stole your name!

The actor who you were hoping would play you in the movie adaption of your life would only sign on if they got to choose a new, cooler, codename for you.

The toy company that you’ve licensed your image to for action figure purposes is forcing you to incorporate accessories and special features from your toys into your name. (That’s how Kung Fu Grip Star Breacher with Spring-Loaded-Missile-Launching Action! got his name, exclamation mark and all.)

You suffered severe head trauma and actually forgot what your old codename was and then when someone reminded you what it was, you thought it sounded stupid (and weren’t wrong!)

The animal you named yourself after went extinct.

You survived a traumatic incident and changed your name to show that the event had changed you.

You accidentally infiltrated an alien government and you had to change your codename to reflect your new rank as High Chancellor of the Blorp Emirates. 

Science discovered a new species that you thought was super cool so you renamed yourself after it.

You lost one of your numerous extra appendages and you didn’t want to sound like a liar by still calling yourself Twelve-Armed Lady.

That username was already taken on Twitter and you weren’t about to call yourself Supah Warriah-2.

You suffered another freak lab accident and your mutant form changed dramatically so you decided to come up with a new name for it.

Your old one was too long to neatly write on “hello my name is” tags at superhero single mixers which are almost definitely a thing.

The first three letters of your codename were a bad word so every time you’d get a high score in a video game you’d be setting a bad example for the kids. 

John Travolta mispronounced your name at an award show and you were too embarrassed to correct him so that’s your name now.

The ghosts of your ancestors came to you in a dream and told you that you were bringing great shame upon your family by going around with a doofy name like “Super Sprinkler,” or “Professor Paleontologist.”

Your name was too easy to spell and therefore easily googled and therefore everybody kept seeing that embarrassing video of you trying to arrest a fire hydrant you were 98% sure was an evil shapeshifter in disguise. (And it was an evil shapeshifter, it just didn’t reveal itself until after the cameras stopped filming!)

Every time somebody spoke your name out loud dogs vomited and you didn’t really know why that was but figured you were better off just changing your name.

You named yourself after the magical word that either powers you up or depowers you depending on what state you’re in so every time you introduced yourself to someone while in superhero mode you were instantly transformed back into a ten-year-old boy.

You’d just woken up from a coma and didn’t realize the name “Oprah” was already taken.

The person who was using the codename you really wanted died so now it’s just up for grabs!!!

You discovered a long lost super powered sibling and you were so overcome with a desire to be close with them that you guys went out and got new matching codenames.

Someone pointed out that your name spelled backwards read “All hail Satan Satan is great and he’s my best friend whom I love with all my heart” something which, somehow, you had never noticed before.

You got a fortune cookie that read “Hey! You should totally change your name! Erm, I mean. A great change will help you go far. Yeah, you get it. Lucky numbers: 8, 1004, -2, π.”

The “Director of Brand Reinvigoration Nation” that you hired off of Craigslist suggested a lot of stuff and “change your name and nothing else” was the easiest. (Other things included “star in a music video about soap,” and “create a third identity that is a villain.”)

A sick child used their wish to get you to change your name to something of their choosing.

You graduated from sidekick-hood and took on a new superhero moniker of your own.

You’re being blackmailed by a podium company into having numerous press conferences using their product as a form of free advertising.

You recently acquired a boat and needed to amend your name to add “captain.”

You recently completed your PhD and needed to amend your name to add “doctor.”

You came up with the name Brain Star before you started coming up with costume ideas and you understood that you couldn’t go around wearing a big “BS” on your chest.

The seasons change every four months! I change my name once in a ten year career and all of a sudden I have to explain myself???

Somebody bought you a gift card to a newspaper’s advertising department (a terrible gift by the way) and you don’t really know what else to do with it.

Your old name in sign language was a lewd gesture.

The name you originally wanted to use was deemed “way too cool for you” by your mentor but you just saved the world from alien werewolves from Jupiter’s moon so you felt that you’ve earned it now.

You didn’t like the way your picture turned out on your superhero team’s ID card and you figured if they were printing a new card for you anyway you may as well also change your name.

Someone triple dared you to change it.

An trans-dimensional imp placed a curse on you that made you speak entirely in song and at first you thought it was annoying but now you’re totally into it and so you’re really leaning into it and adding “:The Musical!” to the end of your name.

Thanks to the word of the day toilet paper your friend bought you (also a terrible gift) you’ve learned a bunch of cool new words that you want to incorporate into your codename.

You decided to take up a fallen hero’s legacy by taking on their name.

You’re a reformed supervillain who wanted to take on a new more heroic sounding name. (Killslaughter the Death Bringer is really more of a villain name.)

Somebody took you aside and gently explained to you why your codename was actually offensive to a group of people.

You met a version of yourself from an alternate reality and they had a way cooler name so you just adopted that. 

You found a drawing you’d made as a child of yourself as a superhero complete with a codename you’d come up with and even though “Sir Gumball Man VII” is a stupid name you felt you owed it to your younger self to follow through on your dreams. 

You misunderstood the public’s call for more transparency in superhero operations and changed your name to “Transparent Man/Woman/Person.”

People keep asking you if you were bitten by a radioactive version of the animal you’re named after. And you weren’t. The name comes from something else. You also can’t “do anything that [insert animal] can.” That Petey Parkour guy really ruined animal-themed names for everybody.

You wanted to change it to reflect the tips we featured in our post about codenames.

You thought of a really funny pun.

[kiss-my-freckle]

Red’s Quotes

Season Three

You have every right to be afraid. Just don’t let it control you. 

You’re in a storm, Lizzy. You need to find the peace below the winds.

I must say, your hair, the way it frames your face is very becoming.

Red:Chin up, Chang. Believe in yourself and others will, too. Chang: What is that, another one of your dumbass literary quotes? Red: Fortune cookie.

Chang: You’re crazy, old man. Red: You have no idea.

Red: Katarina Rostova was the cleverest, most resourceful woman I have ever known. Liz: Wha- what are you saying? Red: No matter how dark the moment, she could always find her way through. Liz: She was a Russian spy who I never knew. Red: No, you didn’t. But that doesn’t mean your mother is gone. I see her in you every day. She’s as much a part of you as the air you breathe.

Red: No. It’s not a trade or a bribe, or an offer of payment in kind to entice you to look away. I admire your probity too much for that. Ressler: So, what do you want? ‘Cause you only give to get. Red: All I want is your word as a man of honor. Ressler: My word. Red: You know Elizabeth. You know she’s not a Russian spy or a traitor or a terrorist. You know that’s not who she is. Ressler: Doesn’t matter what I know. Red: If you catch her, it will. It will matter a great deal.What you know about her, what you feel about her could make all the difference. So, my offer. One blacklister in exchange for your word that you will give her the benefit of every doubt. Can you do that, Donald? Can you give me your word?

You know, as my father used to say to me, just because you’ve been bumped up to first chair in the orchestra doesn’t mean you can compose a symphony. 

Oh, Connie. What a delightful nod to tradition. I can’t tell you how nostalgic it is to see a Russian bureaucrat demonstrating such a time-honored absence of work ethic.

She’s much prettier than she looks sitting behind the news anchor desk. Plus, she’s married to a ranking member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Only fair, I suppose, given the black book military aid he’s allocated to Crimea. Reciprocity’s a bitch, right Connie? Screw the Bear, the Bear screws back, batteries not included. By all means, do call in the troops. What with your government’s implication in the Orea bombing and assassinations of the sitting Senator and the Attorney General of the United States, how much harm could a weekly game of water wiggle between their ambassador and a senator’s wife cause? Barely a blip in the news cycle. Though, I doubt the Kremlin will be nearly as jejune as I am. 

That’s the spirit, Connie. Service with a smile.

You need to stop that convoy.

If by “secure” you mean “dead,” then yes, absolutely. Ressler wasn’t trying to kill you. He was trying to save you. The convoy was compromised.

You haven’t the slightest clue how to speak to a woman, have you? Now, my friend there and I are having a very important discussion. So you just sit tight, enjoy your muffin, and if I hear you say anything other than “please” or “thank you” to Carly, I’m gonna drag you into the men’s room and wash your mouth out with soap. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll cut your filthy tongue out with that butter knife. Is that clear enough for you?

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm and take your seats. Clayton.

Now, I apologize. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but it appears we’ll all be taking an extended lunch. However, if you remain calm and do exactly as I say, I promise you’ll leave here with a rip-roaring story to tell your friends and families. Bon appetít. Dear, would you mind answering that phone? No doubt it’s for me.

Becky from the old firm? The paralegal. Oh, my God. You old dog. Oh!

That's enough!

She didn’t have a choice. What if he’d gotten her gun? What then, Carly? Do you think any of us would be safer if he were armed? You think you’d be safe?

There will be no deal.

You’re a free man, Marvin. Instead of facing a notoriously unpredictable parole board and the showering with the boys, you’ll be unwinding on a small banana plantation I have outside of Papeete. 

Get in the car, Marvin. Have a mai tai, soak up some sun because I’ll be contacting you soon, and when I do, I want this plan of yours to be thoroughly mapped out. We only have one shot at this. I’ll be in touch. Make sure you have Heia air dry your sheets! You’ll sleep like a baby!

It was the Cold War. There were spies to run.

Our journey begins in the home of the double-bacon corn dog. Welcome to Iowa.

We’re gonna need Mr. Costa’s address. And maybe some directions. My associate prefers to steal cars made before the advent of GPS.

Liz: I don’t know what happened. I used to consider myself lucky. I had a husband I loved, a job I always wanted. I was the kind of person good things happen to. --- Red: Sometimes, bad luck is the best luck you’ll ever have.

This is the life, Lizzy. Someone’s always one step behind.

Only if you don’t know the four digits. Now there’s only 24 combinations.

Ressler is a law-enforcement robot. The FBI winds him up-

Look at me. You need to let that go, Lizzy. I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn’t do it by relying on the goodness in people.

You seem like an intuitive guy. At least intuitive enough to know when you’re in over your head, so whichever lowlife you’re working for, he’s gonna have to wait to get his revenge. Set it down.

I came here to ask you to deliver a message to your friend, the Director. This is only the beginning, and I won’t stop until his own people realize that their only way forward is to exonerate Elizabeth Keen and to leave the Director to me. Please. Tell him I’m coming.

Liz: I shot a cop. Red: Yes, you did. Liz: And killed the Attorney General of the United States. Red: Yes. And when you did that, you crossed a threshold, leaving your world, entering mine. Bad things are gonna find you now, Lizzy. This life has a mind and a momentum of its own. That’s a reality you need to accept. Bad things happen to good people. Liz: Am I a good person? I’m not so sure anymore. Red: I’m sure.

Dembe is more than an associate to me. Please find him.

In case we lose visual contact, you’ll be wearing a tracking device. If you’re thinking of reaching out to him, don’t. Now that he’s on the FBI’s radar, they’re likely monitoring any communications. This is important, Lizzy. Promise me you won’t call him.

What is your fantasy?

It’s your fantasy. It’s as it should be.

I’m not sure we should start the party before the hostess arrives, but so be it. Yes. Hello. I need an ambulance. A man’s dying on a cross.

Nasim: What do you want? Red: To offer my sympathies. Nasim: I know who you are. Red: And I know who you are, Nasim. What a beautiful name. It means “breeze” in Farsi. But you weren’t born Nasim. You were born Nasir- “the victorious.” How ironic. But a boy. A perfectly healthy boy.

And this must be your father. The butcher. Tell me, Bahram, was it so horrific to discover that your 19-year-old son, your eldest son, was gay? So horrific that you forced him against his will to go under the knife, change his gender to give you a daughter instead of your son, who is gay?

Bahram: I wanted to protect you, Nasim. They could have killed you. Red: For being gay. They’re so homophobic that being gay is a hideous crime, but chopping off a man’s penis isn’t? Honestly, is it just me, or is the human race, armed with religion, poisoned by prejudice, and absolutely frantic with hatred and fear, galloping pell-mell back to the dark ages? Who on earth is hurt by a little girl going to school or a child being gay? Let’s be frank, Bahram. You didn’t change your son to protect him. You changed him because he disgusted you.

You want to know my fantasy, Nasim? To escape a hopeless police standoff in style with two sensational women on my arms. Shall we? Yeah. Well, we can’t have everything.

Yes. Get the photos to Sandquist at the Chronicle. I want everyone to know what happened here today. 

Red: Fold your hands in front of you. Walk. An assassin has targeted Agent Keen. Ressler: If we haven’t found her, he won’t. Red: He’s better than you. He’s better than me. That’s why I need your help to protect her. Ressler: I thought that’s what your job was. Red: Well, I failed at that. Turn around. I’m a little rusty in the 12 steps, but if I’m not mistaken, step 9 is making amends. I can’t do that without you. Ressler: I suggest you start with step 4, and make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. Red: I admire the way you’re dealing with your addiction, Donald. I tried NA once after an opium den in Kuala Lumpur got the best of me. Didn’t stick. I couldn’t get past the requirement to believe in a power greater than myself. Ressler: Officer down. I repeat, officer down. 546 Hawthorne Place. Send all units. You got four minutes. Red: What I know about this assassin will take less than two.

The fact that we’re still alive means you need something from me. Whatever it is, let her go. My resources are at your disposal. It’s a limited-time offer, Matias. You need to act now.

Call the Director. Tell him I’ll give him everything I’ve been collecting, all the evidence against him. Call him!

Well, we’re just gonna have to kill her.

Borakove, wake and bake and grab a pen. I have a routing number I need you to track.

You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Blair: You killed her! Red: No, she didn’t. It’s understandable that you would think she did, but she didn’t.

Cedric, lives are at stake. The fate of nations. Bribe someone. Push someone around. I don’t care. Just get it done. 

Max: My son drowned in Portofino.  Red: Well, who could have predicted that?

Red: You must be Lisa. Max said your eyes were radiant, but my God! Mesmerizing. It’s a very small space. We want to brighten. I love mauve, but a soft creamy yellow will just open up the entire room. We also need to land on cabinet options and millwork today. I’m already arguing with my supplier. Tell me if I’m going too fast- Lisa: I’m sorry. I have no idea what any of this means. Red: Oh, my goodness- Max didn’t tell you. Lisa: Tell me what? Red: About your restaurant. Lisa: I don’t have a restaurant. Red: I think we need to take a drive.

Red: I know. I know. I ruined the whole damned thing. But there were too many decisions to make without her. After all, it is her restaurant. Lisa: I can’t believe this. Red: Max has been working night and day to get this place fixed up. Alł those classes, the hours you’ve spent perfecting your tarts, your crumpets. If he’s told me once, he’s told me a thousand times, you should be feeding all of Montreal in your own restaurant. Lisa: I don’t know what to say. Max: Neither do I. Lisa: We could do puff pastries with a little Sunday brunch! And those little tea cakes that you loooove. Red: I need one day working around the clock with no interruptions. After that, the place is yours. Max: Who are you? Red: The man who’s going to help you make her dreams come true.

Red: So you are a gambling man. Let’s place that bet, shall we? Medical: What was that? I thought I heard- Woman: What happened? Is he dead? Red: Dead? Pishposh. What’s death? It’s just a process, right?

Red: Hello, Peter. I hope I’m not interrupting cocktails with Lynda. Peter: Congratulations on getting to Halmi before I did. Red: Yes, it certainly is celebratory drinks here, so I’ll be brief. I think it’s about time to exonerate Elizabeth Keen. Peter: That is not going to happen. Red: Oh, but it is. The only question is whether you’ll live to see the day. If I continue to dismantle the Cabal, they’ll put a bullet in your head just to mitigate their losses. Everything is working according to plan, Peter. Peter: You overestimate your influence, Raymond. Your plan is of no concern to us. Red: Peter. You’ve been skimming from the company till, stealing millions in anticipation of running away. When you were linked to the Cabal, you reached out to Halmi - put your golden parachute in a secret account only he could access. Except now, I’ve got it. You have no money to escape the inevitable. Your colleagues will abandon you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon enough because I’m not going to stop until they do. Peter: Unless I exonerate Keen. Red: It’s one small chance to save your life. Peter: Such a generous offer. I’ll have to decline. Red: I’m going to bring this whole damn thing down on you, Peter. And when I do, your own people will beg me to kill you to stop the bleeding.

“Do I dare to eat a peach?” I may as well live dangerously.

Red: Agent Navabi. May I assume you’re aware of the recent abductions? Samar: Me and every agent in the building. Red: Perhaps. But they don’t share the same personal investment that you have in today’s events. Samar: And why is that? Red: Because you and I both know that Lazarum Systems International is providing technical expertise to Israel’s missile-defense shield. They’re encrypting software for the Iron Dome. Whoever took those contractors is an enemy of Israel. Samar: That’s a long list. Red: Let me shorten it - Zal Bin Hasaan. Imagine, the man who’s killed more Mossad agents than any other assassin in history, right here on American soil. Samar: That’s not possible. Red: That’s what you thought in Cairo. He was right behind you, and you didn’t know it. That mistake cost your partner his life and put you in an Egyptian I.C.U. But, back then, you were missing one critical element that would have made all the difference - me. Samar: What exactly are you suggesting? Red: That we combine our efforts. We both want Hasaan. I’ll be in touch.

Red: Oh, my. Three questions in not even as many seconds. Which should we answer first? Actually, how about this, I’ll ask a few questions first, and then we can get to whatever’s on your mind. Farzin: I’m sorry, but my name, it is somewhat common. Perhaps you are confusing me with - Red: I knew a guy that happened to all the time. Best glass-smith in New England. Nobody could free-blow a vase like Theodore Bundy. Can you imagine? Ted Bundy, an amazing craftsman, couldn’t sell a vase.

Don’t feel bad, Farzin. You’re a smuggler, not a fighter.

If that’s where the list is, that’s where Hasaan is going. In a few minutes, half the federal agents in Washington will have that building surrounded. Your only job for now is to stay alive.

Red: According to legend, a great and wise bird raised the young warrior, Zal, in her nest atop the highest peak of Damavand. When he came of age, she gave him a plume of her radiant feathers to burn if he was ever in desperate need, and she would come to his aid. Pity. You seem to be fresh out of feathers. Hasaan: What do you want? Red: Well, another spin of the bottle in Melanie Reichman’s basement, but, I’ll settle for you. Samar: What now? Red: That’s your decision. You can turn him in. You know what will happen - Rendition, hunger strikes, eventually death in whatever hellhole he’s thrown into. Or you can give him to me. The best I can offer is death with a purpose. Samar: Which is? Red: Agent Keen’s freedom.

Red: Harold, Agent Keen tells me you have the man they call Karakurt. Cooper: Yes. And I intend on turning him over to the bureau as soon as possible. Red: Don’t. I have a better idea.

Red: Oh, and don’t forget that other matter we discussed.  Liz: Other matter? Red: Ian has a first edition of Life On The Mississippi for me. Multitasking. Liz: Oh. Red: Have I ever told you the story about Ian Bartleby and his wife and the beekeeper they fell into bed with on the Isle of Skye? Fascinating, illuminating story. Liz: Oh, it’s been a long drive. Any chance I can hear about Ian and the beekeeper after I clean up? Red: Yes. Freshen up. I’ll fill the tank. Get us something to eat. Lizzy, we’re very close. This’ll all be over soon.

Let me see if I can guess how this works. You grab hapless motorists, drain their ATM accounts, max out their credit cards, and dump them by the side of the road. Money or your life. You’re highwaymen. “KOTH” Knights? Kings Of The Highway. How romantic..

T-Bone: I like wearing your co-co-coat. Must have set you b-b-back a bundle. Red: No doubt worth considerably less now. 

Yeah, that’s what I am, Cash. I’m on the lam. I was wondering when we’d get to that.

Jilly: It’s tea time. Red: Oh, that’ll be fun, Jilly. Cucumber sandwiches? Jilly: And scones. Red: How delicious. Jilly: Would you like one lump or two? Red: Two, please. Jilly: You simply must tell me your name. It’s dreadfully rude of me not to address you properly. Red: Kenneth. Jilly. Your real name. Red: Kenneth. Now look what you’ve done. You spilled all the tea, dear. Jilly: You have to tell me your real name. They’re gonna hurt me if you don’t. Red: You like getting hurt, Jilly. You wouldn’t be here with them if you didn’t. Jilly: You think so? Red: I do.

Red: You didn’t find anything. Jilly found it ’cause you’re too dense to even look for it. No wonder Cash doesn’t trust you with anything more important than babysitting. T-bone: That’s big talk coming from a g-guy who’s-  Red: You are aware you need to clean and oil these from time to time, right?

Red: You sure it didn’t hit an organ? Looks pretty close to a kidney- Cash: Shut up! Don’t listen to him. Hey, he’s the one that shot you. He don’t know nothing. Red: Then again, you bleed out, one less person who gets a cut of my money. Cash: I said- shh! Pablo: Seriously, man, maybe we should let him get to a hospital. T-Bone: I’m freezing! Red: You’re going into shock.You’ve lost too much blood. The body’s beginning to shut down.

Red: When’s the last time you got any of that, Pablo? Or have you? Pablo: We share everything. Red: But not with Jasper, apparently. Pablo: That’s our business. It ain’t yours. Red: Oh, it's very much my business. As a matter of fact, Pablo, our operations are remarkably similar, albeit mine functions on a somewhat grander scale, certainly more hygienic. But at the end of the day, it all boils down to the same basic principle. We steal from others, but not from each other. Pablo: Shut your mouth, or I swear to God, I’m gonna- Red: Kill me? That’ll fix things. At least until those two decide a two-way split makes more sense than four. Tell me something. Do you trust Cash? Do you trust him with your life?

You sure this is about me? I’m worth a lot more to them than you are. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I were to walk out of these woods alive, and I sincerely doubt you’ll be as lucky. Where do you suppose they’re gonna go with my money? I say Aruba. Maybe Cancún

See, this is why I don’t go to family reunions. Aunt Lucille is always arguing with Buddy, Uncle Scott is drunk by noon, and someone’s hand is always in the wrong cookie jar.

You are in desperate need of some help, Jilly.

Lizzy, where are you? Where are you? They’re coming.

There are no beatings here, Donald. No winners or losers. There is only Agent Keen’s life.

He tried to tell you, Donald. You didn’t listen. Apparently, you have a disregard for Tom Keen that exceeds even my own.

Red: Donald. I find him so stiff so much of the time. He doesn’t appreciate life’s trimmings. Take yourself, for example. It’s my understand he fired you for helping Elizabeth come to my rescue.  Samar: He had every right. I went behind his back. I’m willing to take responsibility for my actions. Red: Watch out. That’s the kind of spirit that could save America. Thank you for meeting me, Samar. Samar: What do you want? Red: We’re going to clear Elizabeth’s name. It’ll involve a sizable drug haul, an FBI heist in the US Treasury Department. But first, I need to make an appointment. Samar: An appointment with whom? Red: With the Foreign Minister of Venezuela.

Why don’t you grab some kilos off the top and let’s go stage a crime scene.

Just like my uncle Vic on a Saturday night.

Diaz: He has irritable bowels. But what can you expect? We just borrowed another $5 billion from China. So, what is this about, Reddington? I was told a matter of national interest. Red: Indeed. I believe I can help your President’s stomach condition.

Diaz: Where did you get these? Red: Oh. There was this plane that fell out of the sky, a group of anti-capitalists. Terrorists in funny masks. But I digress. The point is, I’m giving El Jefe the ability to print as much money as he’d like to print. Diaz: You son of a gun. Red: I’ve been called worse.

I’m actually a great proponent of marital therapy. Worked for me. Then again, I had sort of a thing for the therapist. Lovely voice.

Everybody likes apples.

Red: Peter! Welcome back. Boy, you were out! Like carrying a bag of boulders. Peter: What the hell have you done? Red: I envy anyone who can sleep soundly on a plane. Then again, I’ve never been injected with propofol. You have the Post Toasties?

Peter: You’re insane. Red: I wouldn’t know.

Red: It’s not everything we wanted, but it’s close. You’ll be safe. You’ll be free. Liz: But I won’t be an agent. I’ll be an asset like you. Red: Yes. I told you some time ago, when you pulled that trigger, you crossed a threshold... you stepped from your world into mine. I wish I could deliver the perfect outcome, but I’m afraid - Liz: This is- fair. Red: Fairness is overrated. And maybe there’s a way to get you all the way back. But for now, Lizzy, for today, sign the deal.

I can’t think of even one set of circumstances in which that would be any of your business. We’ve been descending for some time now. Looks like we’ll be able to drop you off in time for dinner.

Your past three months have been what my life has been like for the past 25 years. I’m often exhausted.

I must confess to feeling curiously flattered.

Samar: Why didn’t you take him up on the polygraph test? Red: Because I can defeat a polygraph. So can he, or he wouldn’t have suggested it.

I forgot how much it sickens me to come here.

Red: Katarina Rostova was a name that had been lost to history. Masha Rostova was never more than suspicion and rumor. The manhunt and the publicity it generated changed all of that. Liz: But who would care that I’m Katarina Rostova’s daughter? Red: The daughter of a legendary spymaster, the secret-keeper who disappeared- Liz: Disappeared? You and Sam told me she’s dead. Red: The secrets she took with her could compromise any number of players on that map. They’ll be coming. They’ll be coming for you. Liz: But I don’t know anything. Red: They don’t know that. You can’t walk away, Lizzy. They won’t let you.

I’m sorry, but “been dug”? Is that correct? That doesn’t sound correct, Marcus.

I thought we weren’t supposed to have phones.

Take your seat, Marcus. Your information is incorrect, and you’re standing in my light.

May I present to you Raymond Reddington? Pour the man a glass of this wonderful port. It appears this party’s just getting started.

I told you that before this dinner was done, I would prove my innocence and identify the person who’d betrayed us. Meet the fake Red. Faux Red. Fred.

I took Agent Elizabeth Keen on as a client when she was a fugitive to gain her trust in exchange for information as to who was responsible for decimating our ranks. Like you, I’d heard the rumors that I was the one who betrayed us. And sure enough, after gaining her trust, she confirmed that the Bureau’s confidential informant was a Raymond Reddington.

You can go after a man’s business, Marcus, even his associates, but other than family, the only thing off-limits is a man’s reputation. You have given false allegations against my good name, which will be whispered and repeated by those who envy my success no matter how thoroughly I repudiate them.

You were right, Marcus. I am the informant. Tell all our friends in Hell to be patient. I’ll be along soon enough.

I know you’ve been through a terrible ordeal, Janet, and I’m sorry for that. But unfortunately, your knowledge of my relationship with the Bureau is inherently dangerous to you, your family, and to me. So please listen carefully and follow my instructions to the letter. First thing tomorrow, you will inform your superiors that the trauma of today’s experience was such that you have re-ordered your priorities and wish to spend more time with Bob, Tyler, and the dogs. You are going to move to Santa Monica, California. I’ve purchased a beach house. The deed is in that envelope. Your property taxes will be paid for on a biannual bases, and I’ll be checking on you from time to time to make sure you’re still ... safe. Travel safely, Janet. The sunset over the Pacific is magnificent.

Liz: You manufactured a doppelganger to reclaim your reputation. Red: I have many contingency plans in place. This was one.

Red: You will not marry her. Tom: Why? Because I didn’t ask daddy’s permission? Is that really why you called me here? Or did you just want someone to play go fish? Red: You married her over my objections once. It will not happen again.

Red: We boring you, Donald? Ressler: Where’s Keen? You wouldn’t be here without her if she was okay. Red: She’s recovering nicely. Cooper: That’s a relief. Red: I’m sure it is. You confiscated her firearm. Ressler: Oh, so you think a convicted felon should be allowed to carry guns. Red: All the ones I know do.

I assume Tom is the father.

I know you want to believe that our work is done, but it’s not. The addition of a child will make that infinitely more difficult.

I’m a violent man. I’ve taken on a life that requires it. I hurt people. I kill people. And each time I do, in that moment, another part of me dies along with them. When I was young, I romanticized the life of an outlaw. Bad guys. That was a long time ago.

You attacked a pregnant woman, broke three of her ribs, battered her so badly she was left lying unconscious in a grocery-store parking lot.

My, God. Gerald, burying your business in the dirt like a dog. How the mighty have fallen. A terrible time of year to go camping, but I suppose we do what we must when we’re on the run. Brenda and I were just catching up. She’s not hungry, but I noticed you packed some bratwurst and couldn’t resist. I do love a good cookout.

A song, Gerald. I so wanted to be a scout- tying knots, the Pinewood Derby, and the campfire songs. Oh, those songs. I keep trying to explain to Dembe, but I’m no singer. Just one song! Okay, then. Just the name.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A priest, a eunuch, and a pedophile walk into a bar- I’m here to offer you the sacrament of confession. I’ll be your Father Confessor. I know, the hypocrisy is staggering.

You know what my problem with religion is? Man. Like anything that has a potential to be beautiful, man will turn it into something ugly. For every saint, there are two million sinners. Like you, I’m a sinner- an envious one, I might add, as my transgressions are not nearly as divine as the ones you’ve been guilty of during the years you’ve been associated with the Vatican Bank.

God, it’s god-awful. If they’d only switch to a good Burgundy, people would be much more devout. Hell hath no fury like a fundamentalist scorned.

Liz: The cardinal took out the others in order to expand his business. Did you take him out to expand yours? Red: Yes. To raise capital in preparation for war. Samar: What war? Red: Ours.

Lizzy, I misspoke earlier about your child. I said that having it would be inconvenient. When your mother was pregnant with you, it was terribly inconvenient. The Cold War was ending. Her country was falling apart. Everything she had ever known. She dreaded having a child. Almost aborted it. Not one day of her pregnancy did she ever think of you as anything but a curse. And then, from the second you were born- there was never a day when she thought you were anything but a blessing. In my experience, there is never a convenient time to have a child. It certainly isn’t a convenient time for you. But if in saying that, I left you with the impression that I didn’t think you should have your baby, I’m sorry for that because nothing could be further from the truth. What I did was for your protection. I’m not a threat to your safety, Lizzy, or your child’s. On the contrary, I can guarantee it, but I cannot do that if you run away. Oh, I should probably mention, I booked a pregnancy massage for you. She’ll be here at 9:00. Her name’s Edwina, she’s a registered nurse, and she smells absolutely divine. I hope it goes with the rest of your stuff. 

I’m told it pulls out.

What good is a collection if it doesn’t grow?

I can protect you. All you need to do is ask.

Your law enforcement agencies love their gadgets and their sweeps. The FBI admitted to spending what, a billion dollars in facial-recognition software? Which means they spent at least $3 billion. Honestly, if I paid taxes, I’d be outraged.

I’m a sucker for mob weddings.

May they have the patience to endure one more toast. I am but a humble guest, but please permit me to raise a glass to what I think we all can agree is the most improbable yet consequential occasion. Love is a funny, fickle thing. A slippery slope. Most weddings are fraught with it. This one, not so much. This is business. The brainchild of a brilliant opportunist- a broker of bonds, a procurer of peace. You would think, being singularly responsible for this evening’s prenuptials, he might take a bow. Where is he? Come now, don’t be modest. You do such astonishing, despicable work. I’m dying to hear how he did it. How he brought you two jackals together. How he got rid of Christopher’s fiancé, Anna. How he lied to the boy, let him believe she was slaughtered by the Vacarros, only to turn around and convince him to marry into the very family he despises. What a telenovela!  ...deceive your son, killing the love of his life. Oh, here we go. Better than TV.

You destroyed a creature more beautiful than you could ever comprehend.

Josephine, it’s done.

When I was young, I loved fairytales. I was always partial to shapeshifters, who seemed good and sweet, but they were full of unimaginable darkness. Once upon a time, there lived a woman in the woods. She was neither purely evil, nor purely good. She gathered unwanted children and gave them a home in which to stay. She promised them they’d live forever and a day. She changed them into colors, so beautiful, so bold.... I do not wait for 45 minutes in that petri dish of humanity unless I absolutely have to. This is a matter of life and death, Glen.

If you find this woman, if you get it done fast, your tawdry liaisons at the no-tell motel will be a thing of the past, as I will personally introduce you to two young ladies you will never forget- soft, warm, blonde, and willing.

You think your life is too dangerous for a child. But what is your life without one? I can tell you from personal experience- not much.

Or maybe you’re afraid they won’t like you. Dogs are very intuitive. They’ll know if you’re hiding something.

What you endured, most people never recover from. I doubt I would have. But you’ve turned it into a calling. Nikolai would be proud.

Your parents loved each other very much. The Cold War was hard- too hard for your father. When the Soviet Union was collapsing, he took you from her. She gave up everything to follow him, to follow you. Your mother, despite what he’d done, she wanted him back. She wanted them to be a family. As much as it pains me to say it, he was probably... the only man she ever really loved. Your mother was never the same after that. The man she loved killed by the child she adored, it was... just too much. Two months later, she went to Cape May and left her clothes on the beach, walked into the ocean and was never seen again.

You were a child. There should never have been a gun for you to grab. Looking back, I’m not sure I shouldn’t have raised you myself. I don’t want you looking back with that kind of regret. Lady: Who the hell are you? Red: Her fairy godmother. I hear it’s her birthday. We’ve come to celebrate. It’s been some time since freshman English, but I seem to recall that fairy tales about abandonment, death, and witches are supposed to allow children to deal with their fears in symbolic terms, but there’s nothing symbolic about this place. You’re a real witch.

Lady: They could have died together, so beautiful and innocent. Theo would have been spared all this. Red: By “this,” you mean the horror of being different. Is that why you kill them? Lady: I save them. Red: From what? Lady: I make sure the damaged ones don’t grow up to be outcasts like Theo- hated, pitied. No one loves an outcast. Red: Not even his mother? Lady: I couldn’t send my son away, but when I look at him, I see what these children shouldn’t be, and what they won’t be because I see the life I save them from. Theo: I’m ugly. Red: From where I sit, there’s only one ugly person in the room, and it’s certainly not you, Theo.

Theo, you are entitled to as much as anyone- happiness, joy, a mother’s love.

It just keeps getting worse.

I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and assume you mean Tom.

I am not your Tom problem, Lizzy. Tom is your Tom problem.

Pops. You know, I always liked that name. Louis Armstrong was called “Pops.” Willie Stargell, the legendary Pittsburgh Pirate. My lord, that man could smack a fastball. There was Pops Foster, Pops Fernandez... Oh, my. And then there are different pops entirely. Like the pops you hear when your shoulder’s being dislocated.

If he dies, it’s because he put himself in exactly the wrong place at exactly the wrong time. He did this, not me. And that robbery the police want to ask him about- diamonds. He was part of a team that stole tens of millions of dollars’ worth of diamonds. A team I hear included his ex-girlfriend Gina Zanetakos. He’s reckless, dangerous. He’s not worthy of being your husband, and he sure as hell is not worthy of raising that child.

As a reporter. Amazing times, these, don’t you think? When any Tom, Dick, or Sally with a laptop and internet access can declare herself a journalist. I mean, you don’t even use a last name.

You know, I’ve often considered my love of art, and I realized it’s not just the art- it’s the artist. I like art a lot, but I love artists. I love the stories behind their work... the characters. Lopping off ears... Rankling the establishment with paintings of soup cans... Often boldly revealing themselves to our keen observation and insight, our scrutiny. What a marvelous thing, the courage to create. Though I must say, nothing about your work strikes me as courageous. It seems self-indulgent, petulant. Like a tantrum from a child who’s just realized that the world can be a dark and unfair place.

You can answer me, or I can turn that wall behind you into a Jackson Pollock.

People say youth is wasted on the young. I disagree. I believe wisdom is wasted on the old. All you can do is part with it, but very few will take it. Least of all, the people closest to you. They want no part of it. No matter how often I warn you about Tom, you seem intent on discovering those perils for yourself.

I know... I say things that unsettle you about the dangers that lie ahead. I know I anger you with things I say about Tom. But if I’ve ever given you the impression that you won’t survive this, that you and your child aren’t going to have the simple life that I know you long for, I’m sorry. Because you are going to have that, Lizzy.

Red: There is one thing that I can’t seem to... wrap my head around. Liz: What? Red: Tom. After all the lies, all the deception and humiliation, how you can just forgive and forget. Liz: I haven’t forgotten. Forgiveness can’t change the past, but I believe it can change the future. Red: That’s a charming sentiment. But as far as I’m concerned, some things are unforgivable.

Dembe: She deserves the truth. Red: Watch the road, Dembe.

What you said about forgiveness changing the future- it comforts me to know you’re looking forward again. The future holds such promise. The past- so many regrets.

I’m curious, Harold. How do you think the White House is going to express their appreciation to me for foiling the terrorist plot? Maybe an embossed ashtray. Or one of those little American flag pins for my lapel.

Harold, forgive Charlene. A friend told me recently that forgiveness won’t change the past but could very well change the future. Apparently, nothing is unforgivable. Go home, Harold.

If anything happened to me, this was to go to Elizabeth. So she'd know. Now I’m not sure I ever want her to know.

Liz: Oh. Then you’re here for the wedding? Red: No, Lizzy. I’m here to ask you, to implore you, please, don’t do this. I’m telling you, no matter what you believe, Tom is not the man you think he is. Liz: You’re wrong. You don’t know him. Red: He’s a criminal. Liz: No. He’s changed. Red: Men like Tom don’t change. You’re attempting to build a life with a man who is fundamentally dishonest. Liz: No. I am attempting to build a life with the father of my child. A normal life with two parents who love one another. With everything you know about me, can’t you see that? Can’t you see how important that is to me? To my child? Red: You were wrong about him once. What makes you so sure you’re not wrong this time? Do you really want your child to pay the price for that mistake for the rest of his or her life?

She’s a sacrifice. Solomon isn’t after that weapon. It’s a distraction to keep us looking one way while they go another. He’s after Elizabeth.

Red: Ever since Elizabeth went public as Masha Rostova, still waters have been stirred up and old grudges have surfaced. And now someone out there is singularly focused on coming for her. Ressler: Coming to kill her? Red: No. To abduct her. Ressler: They’re sending Solomon. Red: In retrospect, that’s a perfect choice. He knows us intimately. He knows about the task force. They gave us a false trail, and we followed the scent. Donald, if I’m right and this was all an elaborate feint, all that matters is that you get to that church- now.

Red: Elizabeth, I’m sorry, but we need to go. Liz: What are you doing here? Red: Men are coming for you. We need to leave now.

Solomon: First of all, you and I both know that you are out-manned and out-gunned. The plan was to grab her today, no matter where she was. Grocery store or house of God, it makes little difference to me. And for the record, I take no offense that I wasn’t invited. Red: Came together rather nicely. They went with ruby fringe tulips and pink peonies. You’d be impressed.

I’ll tell you what I know as soon as I know you’re safe.

Yes. All of this, indeed, is on me.

Tom: What do you want? Red: Elizabeth. Here. Now. I’m right in front of the place. Where is she?

Red: I can’t protect you in a hospital. Liz: You can’t protect me in a church, either. Red: Let me rephrase that. I cannot safeguard you and the dozens of innocent patients and medical personnel who’ll be caught in the crossfire when Solomon and his storm troopers put together where you are. I know how desperately you want to protect your baby, Lizzy. So think. 

Circumstances prevent me from sharing more information at this time, Harold. Whoever employed Solomon’s services, they know too much. They’re breathing down our necks even now. Listening, watching. I can feel it.

Oh, for God’s sake, Dembe, spare me the mystical reassurance. Everything is not fine. Where the hell was the perimeter defense at that damn church? You should have deployed four teams, five teams. Look at her- lying there in this barbaric situation with her child’s life at risk. Everything is not fine. She never should have been at that Godforsaken church.

I’m sorry, Dembe.

I’ve done nothing for you, Lizzy. Red: It’s the children whom the world almost breaks who grow up to save it. Liz: I don’t want that for her. Red: I wasn’t talking about her. I was talking about you, Elizabeth.

Come on, Lizzy. Please, don’t go. Please, don’t go.

Tom: Her name is Agnes. Red: That’s a good name.

Everyone dies someday.

It was a Hobson’s Choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either save one or lose both. I chose the child. It was- it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far.

Red: There’s always a choice. I was arrogant. I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was... that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be safe... ...and happy. Katarina: And she was neither. Red: No matter what I tried to do, all I brought her was misery and violence, and eventually... Katarina: Death. Red: Yes. Katarina: And now you’re dead. You believe there’s nothing left for you. Red: It’s that obvious?

Katarina: Have you ever killed anyone? Red: That’s an odd question. Katarina: Have you? Red: Yes. Many. But never anyone who didn’t deserve it. Katarina: Me, too. Red: I know. Katarina: How? Red: There aren’t a lot of us. You learn to recognize it. Red: There was a woman I loved. She was... my life. My heart. And she died. She left behind a little girl. One last, precious piece of herself. I would give anything to be a part of that child’s life, but a man made it clear I would never see her... hold her... watch her grow. And I knew in that moment, I would never be any part of that beautiful little girl’s life. Because... Katarina: He was her father. Red: And to harm him would be to harm her. A mortal sin. Her mother is gone. The father is what she has left in the world. Katarina: Her father. Red: Yes.

Katarina: Those men are after me. It’s my problem, not yours. Red: You made it my problem the moment you walked into the ocean.

Just me.

To Katarina, love Papa.

I’m sorry.

As soon as the name “Masha Rostova” hit the 24-hour news cycle, they came for her. I thought I could...protect her. I did protect her, all these years. I’ve anticipated almost every threat. But this one...a medical complication in childbirth.

I’d imagine it to be a challenge, playing Rachmaninoff’s C-sharp minor Prelude without the benefit of C-sharp.

I’m sorry for the intrusion. Let me give you some money, please. Could you pick up a single malt? Preferably from the Highlands, but not Islay. The water there tastes like seaweed and iodine.

I was just imagining young Katarina covered in glitter. As an adult, it’s easy to dismiss this stuff as girlish frivolity. You forget the wonder it creates, the light captured, secret wishes evoked. It renders even the darkest days sparkly. Never underestimate the power of glitter.

She had your temper.

To pay... my debt to you would require more than I possess. I’m not coming back.

Red: Ugh. How do you drink this stuff? Dom: We drank it with every meal on the farm when I was a boy. But we had cows, and we made our own. In the summers, we made buttermilk pops in the freezer. Kept us all from passing out. Red: So buttermilk reminds you of home. Dom: I overheard your conversation with the Arab boy. Red: He’s from Delaware. You won’t be troubled again with unexpected visitors. I know how you value your privacy. Dom: Why didn’t you go with him? Red: What would be the point? There’s nothing I could do that would really matter. Dom: Cry me a river. Hmm? What the hell are you really doing here? Alright... you gave me the news about Masha. What do you want from me? Red: A way forward. I can’t live for long with what I feel inside. I don’t see how anyone can.

Dom, you’ve always had a good reason to walk out the door. 

Red: I’m here to pay my debt to you, Aram. Aram: You’re back. Red: Strap on your bike helmet. We’re going to work. 

Boy, I can’t wait to hurt you someday.

Elizabeth Keen was well hidden from the demons of her past until you went after her, until you told the world she was Masha Rostova. You put a target on her back and invited someone to take a shot. Do not try my patience, Laurel. On this topic, I have perilously little of it.

Oh, my, yes. Laurel’s as crooked as a dog’s hind leg. Friends and loved ones are dead. I need to speak with Scottie about the matter. I sent her a message. She ignored it. She’s scared. Can be a terrible thing for all when someone as ruthless as Scottie gets scared. I need you to reach her for me, Bradley. I trust you would get through to her. I need her to pay attention to this.

Red: They say gifting a bouquet of daffodils ensures happiness, while presenting just one means bad luck is on the horizon. Cynthia: Okay, boys. I hope you’re hungry. I have a triple crème, some Jarlsberg, water biscuits, and my mother’s famous cucumber dip. Red: That sounds delicious, Cynthia. Tragically, there’s no time for snacks. Well, maybe some of Mom’s famous cucumber dip.

Red: A nanny movie? Cynthia: Not just nannies. Schoolteachers, nurses, and a ridiculous threesome with two completely unbelievable policewomen. Samuel: Cynthia, they’re just movies. I have never cheated on you. And besides, I don’t think he wants to hear about it. Red: Yes, I want to hear about it. All about it. Unfortunately, I do need to hear about your contract with Halcyon. So- business first. And then, Cynthia, I’ll be all ears.

Red: Harold, smile. We’re this close. Cooper: I’ll task a team to stake out the docks. As for a smile... how are you holding up? Red: As long as we keep moving forward, I’ll endure.

Red: I once spent part of the summer in Bermuda. The island. Certainly not the shorts. Not a lot to do there except ride motor scooters and play checkers with the locals. I’m more of a chess man myself. But one tactic that came naturally was the concept of forced capture... sacrificing a checker to force your enemy in one direction while your forces lie in wait for the exquisitely satisfying double jump. One quick look at the airport schematics revealed why Scottie chose the lounge on Concourse F. Conveniently located near a little-used loading dock. Shall we?  Armstrong: Please! Don’t kill me. Red: I said “double jump.” You’re merely the first capture. Please, if you would.

God, that door is slow. I was hoping for a somewhat more dramatic entrance, but what the hell. Scottie. Aren’t you the challenging woman to pin down.

Red: You know, I used to have such high hopes for your organization. High hopes for Howard. Halcyon was once such a promising company... like AOL. Put an entire generation online. Companies can so easily lose their way. Forget what it was that made them great to begin with. I remember a time when your husband never would have taken a job from a man like Alexander Kirk, if only out of respect for his friends. Scottie: Howard didn’t take that job. We haven’t had sex in four years. We’re rarely in the same country, let alone the same bed. Red: What bed have you been occupying? Scottie: I’ve been assuming a larger role in a management position lately. Red: You don’t say. Scottie: We’ve never been more successful. Listen, Red... I regret what happened to Elizabeth Keen. But her kidnapping was simply a business decision. You of all people should recognize that. We all do what we have to in order to survive. I know Howard and I do. Red: Survival is all relative. There are limits, even for people like us. Especially for people like us. Scottie: When Kirk hired us to abduct Masha, he also wanted me to kill you. Sorry I didn’t take that job. Red: Here’s where we stand. Elizabeth Keen is dead, which means you are, too. Alexander Kirk is coming to kill you. The only surprise is that I got to you first. Scottie: You killed a lot of people trying to reach me. Well, here I am. Finish what you came to do. Red: You have it all wrong, dear. I didn’t come to kill you. I came here because you and I are about to climb into bed together, just for a quickie. We now share a mutual enemy. So, let’s get you bandaged up, not that you aren’t even lovelier with a little blood trickling down your arm.

Red: Tom, I want to speak with you about your daughter. Tom: What happened with Hargrave? Red: Even if you don’t want me to have contact with Elizabeth’s child... Tom: Hargrave. Did you get her? Red: I have virtually unlimited resources. I want you to know that those resources are at your disposal in the raising of Agnes.

Until it’s not. The aid workers who were abducted in Jakarta? Your government refused to pay the ransom, turned its back on three young people who were captured for doing nothing more than providing medical services to the poor. Today, they’re home because Susan Hargrave committed what your government considers to be a crime in order to get them back. She’s a brilliant strategist. And if we want to get Alexander Kirk, we’re going to need her help to do it.

I think you’re responsible for her death. I’m looking past that because I want Alexander Kirk’s head. And so does Tom Keen. I must admit, I’ve never liked you, Scottie. Looking at you makes my toes curl. But robbing the next President of the United States? This is gonna be a gas.

Red: Senator! Having taken your money, I won’t take much of your time. Unlike Scottie, I have little use for politicians and even less for their politics. Who occupies the White House is of no interest to me. I tell you this so you know that taking your money has nothing to do with you or what you stand for. Truth be told, I haven’t the foggiest clue what you stand for, Senator. Diaz: I’m calling the police. Red: Might be more prudent to call Alexander Kirk. I’m sure you have a contributor of his stature on speed dial. Call him. Kirk: Senator, what a pleasure. Red: I have your money. I have your senator.

Red: Don’t do it. Tom: There’s nothing left to do. Red: Tom. Tom: We needed the money to get to Kirk. We got it. We have no use for her anymore. Red: If you kill her, the answers you’ve been looking for your entire life will die with her. Tom: What are you talking about? My mother. Red: Yes. Which is why I didn’t want you involved. Tom: Why didn’t you tell me? Red: You have a child to raise, Tom. If you start asking questions, it will put her at risk, it will put you at risk. Tom: But her son is dead. She told me that herself. Red: Christopher Hargrave went missing when he was only 3 years old. Tom: Christopher... Hargrave. Is that my name? Red: Susan Hargrave genuinely believes her son is dead. Tom: So, she has no idea who I am? What, did somebody fake my death, and hide me from her all these years? W-why would anybody do that? Red: Listen to me, Tom. Susan Hargrave has many secrets. Some of them concern you. If you want answers, you must conceal your true identity.

Red: A good man could make a real difference as President. A good man might even inspire one’s patriotic instincts, but a good man would never allow himself to be put under obligation to anyone willing to write a big check. Diaz: You just had me accuse Kirk of something he didn’t do. What makes you so sure he’s gonna show up? Red: Don’t underestimate yourself, Robert. One way or another, I’m confident Kirk will come. I’ll have his head, and you’ll end up in the Oval Office where you can pay off your debt to me with a full pardon. Diaz: You expect me to pardon you. Red: Not me. Elizabeth Keen. Diaz: The FBI agent... who murdered the attorney general. She’s dead. Red: Yes. And I want things put right.

Cooper: That’s why you hijacked it before it made it into evidence. Red: No. I hijacked it because... I’m a criminal. I’m parting with it because Alexander Kirk needs to be killed, and if it takes planting a little evidence on him... so be it.

Red: Powerful sermon, especially for an old faker like yourself. Barnhill: I know it’s important for you to know what’s moving where, but damn it, Red, I’m three ex-wives into this ministry. Red: And seven children. You’re like a rockstar without the income. Barnhill: And I appreciate your help with the child-support payments. I do. Red: The Good Book.

What’s the difference between the pastrami swiss cheese dog with sauerkraut and the Reuben dog? Aren’t those the same? Honestly, the amount of options overwhelms. So it’ll be one Chicago double dog, hold the pickles, and one, uh... the uh, Brooklyn Baconeer with cheese. Oh, and throw in some of those house-made sea-salt chips. What do you recommend on the dessert front? You know what? Toss in two of those little fried pies. You only live once, right?

Red: These charges against Alexander Kirk for financing terrorism are ludicrous. And no one’s gonna touch him for what happened to Elizabeth. So I’m gonna kill him. He won’t live long enough to see the inside of that hearing room. I’m gonna kill him the instant he steps out of his vehicle. You and I both know nothing less will protect Agnes and avenge Elizabeth’s death. Cooper: Red... how can I - Red: Harold, you and your people... I will always be more grateful than I could ever express, but I don’t expect... or rather, I couldn’t accept your involvement in this final act. Cooper: I entered into this relationship with my eyes wide open. So did Agent Ressler and the others. Red: I admire that about you, Harold. I know so many zealots, men and women who choose a side, an ideology by which to interpret the world, but to get up every single day and do the hard work of deciding what to believe, what’s right today, when to stand up or stand down... that’s courage. It’s been a privilege to see firsthand why the people you lead love you the way they do. But sadly, our time together has come to an end. Cooper: On this case. You don’t mean... Red: I do. We’ve done some good work. But with Elizabeth gone... there’s nothing more for me to contribute. Please, take care of yourself and the others. Charlene. Aram... set him up with someone, for God’s sake. He’s like a kid with his first erection on the school bus.

Red: Agent Ressler. Aren’t you the dog on a scent? Ressler: There was one empty building with a line of sight to the front and one to the back. Started with the front. Red: You spoke to Harold. Ressler: Reddington, grab the guy, put him in a hole, get what you need from him, but don’t kill Kirk. Red: There’s nothing I care to take from Alexander Kirk except his life. Ressler: Trust me. I want him as badly as you, but- I’m not gonna let this happen. Red: Oh, this is gonna happen, Donald. This is gonna happen in about 10 minutes.

Red: You want justice for Elizabeth. Ressler: Justice, not vengeance. Red: In my experience, they’re the same. I know how difficult this must be for you, Donald. Ressler: I will do this. Red: You have faith. I envy that. Justice, integrity, faith in humanity... nobody embodies those principles more than you. And I know it must be hard for you to believe that you’ll continue to embody those principles even after you watch me do this. Ressler: Oh, this isn’t about me. This is about the rules... what’s right. Red: When Elizabeth was a fugitive, you played by the rules, did what you thought was right. But Elizabeth’s gone. Alexander Kirk took her away from us, and she’s not coming back. Ressler: Take your hands off that trigger. Red: What do you think’s going to happen if you stop me, Donald? That you’ll arrest Kirk? That justice will be done? Ressler: Let go of the weapon. Red: Do you want a bullet in Alexander Kirk’s head or one in mine? Decide now. What’s it going to be, Donald?

Kaplan!

Red: I have nothing for you, Kate. No parables about loyalty, no florid speeches of trust belied, deception, treachery, or false devotion. I’m simply too bereft. It will have to suffice to say... I would name every human being on the planet before you if asked who might betray me. Kaplan: Raymond... Red: I know what you’ve done. I know you helped Tom and Agnes leave the country without my knowledge. Kaplan: Yes. Red: Yes. Kaplan: What do you want to know, Raymond? If I’m sorry? Yes. I’m sorry you weren’t more honest with Elizabeth from the beginning. I’m sorry you wanted to know her so desperately that you convinced yourself we could keep her safe. I couldn’t sit back and watch you make the same mistake with Agnes. I didn’t betray you. I did what I’ve always done... protected you... this time, from yourself. Red: You’re wrong. Kaplan: I won’t tell you where they are. Red: You don’t understand, Kate. I know where they are, and so does Alexander Kirk. Kaplan: Kirk? Red: He was tracking Tom. He knows they’re in Cuba. He’s flying there as we speak. Kaplan: No. Red: I need an address. I know you had her best interests at heart, that you were trying to protect her, but now, because of you, Agnes is in grave danger. Kaplan: Not just Agnes.

I saw her die.

I sat over her body... and watched her die.

Had it really come to that?

Kate. What am I gonna do with you, Kate?

[justkeeponsimming]

100 Questions NO ONE ever asks!

I was tagged by the lovely @footiegirl04 and she was right, omg this is torture. Just wait for those I’m gonna tag! >:)

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? Closed, but my boyfriend usually leaves them open!

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? OF COURSE! I take everything that is “included” in the price! :3

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? Tucked in, but we only use a bottom sheet!

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? Yes, I stole a Bon Jovi concert poster off of a roundabout when I was 17!

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? Every day. I wouldn’t survive at work without them!

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? We don’t really have them here in the UK...

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? Bear! I’m not allergic to bears (and I’m dead either way <_<!)

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? All over my nose, down my arms and on my hands! :D

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? I don’t like taking photos of myself so no thanks! :)

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? People talking over the top of me. And hiccups! Dx

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? Nope! I’d get dizzy and walk into things!

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? I hate bugs so I avoid the woods as much as possible!

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? Read above!

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? All the time. I get bored standing and waiting for stuff! :)

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? No way! I hate it when other people do it too!

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? Just the one! ;)

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? Regular ol’ double!

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? Thunder - Imagine Dragons!

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? Of course! Why should we limit all the pretty colours?!

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? I watch Star Wars Rebels - does that count?

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? X-Men 3 when they stupidly killed off Scott Summers >_<!

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? My purse because I’m a skrimper and never buy anything!

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? Water mostly, tea if not!

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? BBQ sauce. What else do you eat them with?

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Cottage Pie! 

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? All of the Star Wars trilogy! <3

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? My boyfrienddddd.

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? Nope! I was never cool enough! :(

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? Oh heck no. No one wants to see that!

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? I always send letters to customers at work, so quite common! :)

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? Uhhh no way. I’m not that clever!

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? No, which is a huge surprise!

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? No I am like...so paranoid of running out of petrol!

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? Chicken and pesto <3

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? Omlette! 

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? 9:30pm to 10pm. I really am a little old lady! <3

37. ARE YOU LAZY? Yes. Always. All the time.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? Lara Croft! (strange, I know!)

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? The horse I think!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? English, British Sign Language, French, German and Mando’a! (star wars)

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? None, I don’t collect them!

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? Lego - what on earth is a lincoln log?

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? Not at all! I crumple all the time haha

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? Uhhh...who are they?

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? Used to watch Neighbours as a kid, but nothing since!

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Yup! Totally terrified. I have a fear of high buildings/ceilings too!

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? All the darn time!

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Never!

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? All the time. How can you sing and not dance?

50. EVER USED A GUN? Never. Does a water pistol count?

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? At my friends wedding last year! ^_^

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? I’m not a musicals fan but I don’t mind them!

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? I love Christmas. Shopping is my favourite part! <3

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? What on Earth is that?

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? Rhubarb!

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? Writer or a vet! :3

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? I believe in spirits. I love watching supernatural shows like GA! :)

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? Actually no. I’m not that lucky to live things twice!

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? I used to, but I haven’t for a long time!

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? Nope. I always fall over them.

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? Yes - like...all the time.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? Uhhh nothing?

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? Bon Jovi - I was lucky to go to an epic concert!

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? We have Asda Walmart so I guess I’ll pick that?

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? Nike! :)

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? Wotsits. My guess is that’s the UK equivalent!

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? Sunflower seeds - not a big nuts fan! 

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Can’t say I have! :S

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? Yes - took ballet as a child and it was not fun! 

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? My boyfriend isn’t a big job person, he just works to provide for us! Same as me!

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Sure can!

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? I have never entered one - but I don’t think I’d do very well!

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? Yup. Probably something my boyfriend did!

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? I do not :(

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? Sadly not!

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? Nope. I have candles and stuffs but incense is too strong imo.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes - I am now and I fall in love easily.

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? Nickelback!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? Bon Jovi

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? Hot tea - when is it ever served cold? Like iced tea?

81. TEA OR COFFEE? Tea all the way!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? Sugar cookies are just biscuits right?

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? Nope, I have never learned to swim!

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? Not for more than like...10 seconds.

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? I am always patient, even when I shouldn’t be! :S

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? DJ. We know a guy who does karaoke/DJ so would be great at a wedding!

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? I won a contest on TV as a kid and won some colouring pencils?

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? No and I wouldn’t be brave enough to.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? None. Ewww olives!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? I cannot do either. I can barely cross stitch.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? Lounge/living room (that’s where I always put them in the sims!

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? I would love to, if my boyfriend asks me again ^_^

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? Ask me this question in a few years!

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? No one. My family thought I was interested in the same gender for a long time. Truth was, there was no one at my school worth crushing on!

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? Never. I am such a push over!

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No - but maybe one day!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? Yes - but I have a genetic history of twins so....

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? Green!

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? Yes - but he’s only in the next room so it’s not too bad!

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

Omg this took forever. Here we go with the tags: @simsoflove, @simalienn. @storylegacysims, @108sims, @pixeloasis, @snufkinsims, @ginassimming, @kotiij, @nadinemaee, @tacha75, @asterllum, @carmysims, @pooofy, @nutmegspicelatte, @stardustsims and anyone else who wants to do this!

[hyaenagallery]

Leonarda Cianciulli (1894 – 1970) was an Italian serial killer. Better known as the "Soap-Maker of Correggio,"  she murdered three women in Correggio between 1939 and 1940, and turned their bodies into soap and cookies. Cianciulli was born in Montella. While still a young girl, she attempted suicide twice. In 1917 she married a registry office clerk, Raffaele Pansardi. Her parents did not approve of the marriage, as they had planned to marry her to another man. She claimed that on this occasion her mother cursed them. The couple moved to Pansardi's native town, Lauria, in 1921 where Cianciulli was sentenced for fraud and imprisoned in 1927. When released, the couple moved to Lacedonia. Their home was destroyed by an earthquake in 1930, and they moved once more, this time to Correggio, where Cianciulli opened a small shop. She was very popular and well-respected within her neighborhood. Cianciulli had 17 pregnancies during her marriage, but lost three of the children to miscarriage. Ten more died in their youth. Consequently, she was heavily protective of the four surviving children. Her fears were fueled by a warning she had received some time earlier from a fortune teller, who said that she would marry and have children, but that all of the children would die young. Reportedly, Cianciulli also visited another Romani who practiced palm reading, and who told her, "In your right hand I see prison, in your left a criminal asylum." In 1939, Cianciulli learned that her eldest son, Giuseppe, was going to join the Italian Army in preparation for World War II. Giuseppe was her favourite child, and she was determined to protect him at all costs. She came to the conclusion that his safety required human sacrifices. She found her victims in three middle-aged women, all neighbours. Sources record that Cianciulli was something of a fortune teller herself, and that these women all visited her for help. The first of Cianciulli's victims, Faustina Setti, was a lifelong spinster who had come to her for help in finding a husband. Cianciulli told her of a suitable partner in Pola, but asked her to tell no one of the news. #destroytheday https://www.instagram.com/p/BsGaaFDhFCB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=u45ghedz08v7

[triumphharmony]

15 Creative Birthday Gift Ideas for a Teacher

“Teaching is a very noble profession that shapes the character, calibre, and future of an individual. If the people remember me as a good teacher, that will be the biggest honour for me.”

– Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

Teachers have a very strong influence and a tremendous impact on the life of our children. They create a strong and unshakeable foundation on which the child’s life is built. These unsung superheroes needs to be recognised and celebrated for their contributions, hard work and dedication. Occasional gifts are a way of expressing gratitude and saying ‘thank you’. Holidays, festivals, farewells, end of academic year and birthdays present opportunities to convey your thankfulness to these ‘chaos coordinators’ who bring discipline in the life of kids, and sanity in the life of parents. They also ensure that kids are well-educated, nurtured and entertained.

Best Birthday Gifts for Teachers From Kids

Finding an appropriate best birthday gift online for a teacher can be a challenging task. You have to choose something that is practical and useful, and at the same time be careful not to be very personal or inappropriate. It is always a safe choice to give something that can be used in the classroom or at home. Our precious educators do not just deserve a gift, they deserve an awesome and well-thought present for their valuable contributions in kids’ life.

Here’s a list of 15 awesome and adorable ideas for good birthday gift delivery online for teachers. Let them know that you are grateful and thankful for their presence and contributions in your child’s life!

1. Handmade Gifts

Handmade gifts will never go out of fashion. A beautiful handmade card for a teacher, a scrapbook with a personal note from all the students of the class, pictures of special moments and achievements and more make a wonderful birthday present. Make a big box of cute handmade contributions from each kid of the class, and gift wrap it to present to the teacher. You can also add bouquets created from handmade paper flowers, art and craft projects, picture frames, pen stands, and drawings by kids into the box. It will definitely bring a big smile on the teacher’s lips and a shine in her eyes when the box is opened!

2. Food And Beverage Hampers

A goodie bag with homemade treats is a great idea as a best birthday present. Include send cake to India online, cookies, chocolates, candies, jams, jellies, squash, muffins, sweets and more! Pack it in a beautiful basket and decorate with colourful ribbons. If your teacher loves to sip on coffee or tea, add a box of assorted teabags or a variety of coffee powder. A bottle of wine would be a great gifting idea along with a pair of beautiful and delicate wine glasses.

3. Baking Kit

Baking can be therapeutic! Head to the closest supermarket and shop for some cake moulds, essence, flavors, cupcake liners, confetti, fancy piping tools, and recipe books, and assemble a baking kit as a birthday present for your teacher. Be assured that the class will receive a lot of baked treats for the rest of the year!

4. Books

Everyone appreciates a good book. Pick up an inspirational book of quotes or a classic novel, a great biography, collection of short stories or a set of encyclopaedias. Add a personalized and engraved metal or wooden bookmark to make the gift truly memorable.

5. Something for the Classroom

A teacher’s life is concentrated around her class and students. There’s always something that she will need for the classroom! A new desk organizer, a stationery kit, a large desktop sharpener that can sharpen the pencil of the whole class in a few seconds, a fancy paperweight to keep all the papers in place and more – there are plenty of ideas for this simple yet thoughtful gift!

6. Monogrammed Pen

When it comes to teachers, the pen is mightier than the sword. Make the day special by gifting a monogrammed pen. It is one of the most appropriate and best gifts for a male teacher.

7. Teacher Survival Kit

There’s nothing called too many colors and too many crayons when it comes to a teacher! Make a survival kit with loads of pen, pencils, cute erasers, stamps, markers, ribbons, charts, posters, glitter, stickers, glue, correction pens, stencils, shape punch machines, card stock and more. Add a roll-on balm for the constant headache or a room freshener to keep the class smelling lovely!

8. Say It with Plants

Bring nature indoors! Gift your teacher a plant that needs minimal care and yet brightens up the desk. Make a terrarium with tiny stones, cute plants and toy dinosaurs. A bonsai plant is a great idea as well.

9. Pencil Pouch

A teacher’s bag is a treasure trove. Too many things can get mixed up and create a lot of mess and confusion. Bring in a sense of discipline by gifting a zippered pouch to keep things segregated. Personalise the pouch with beautiful quotes and messages.

10. Knick Knacks

When you are too confused to decide on what to give to your teacher, there are always random knick knacks that come to rescue. Mugs which say ‘World’s Best Teacher’ or a fancy water bottle to keep them hydrated, decoupaged coasters that says ‘Teaching is my superpower’ or fridge magnets with a bespectacled teacher, tea cozy, cup warmers, diaries, placards, trophies and more are readily available online or in a gift store near you.

11. Aromatherapy

Dealing with dozens of kids every day can be challenging. Teachers have to keep their calm and deal with a bunch of curious and hyperactive kids every single day. Help teacher relax after a long and tiresome day. A box with aromatherapy supplies is a pretty good choice to help them unwind and rejuvenate. Choose from bath bombs, salts, body scrub, fancy soaps, hand and body lotion, luxury creams, shower gels, exfoliators, potpourri, face masks, candles, perfumes, essential oils, aroma diffusers and more. Be creative and think out of the box!

12. Reward Jar

The tiny treats from a teacher make class fun! Gift your teacher a cute jar filled with goodies that can double up as a reward jar for students at a later stage.

13. Personalised Charms

Nothing says ‘specially for you’ like personalised jewellery, cufflinks with initials, monogrammed diaries, engraved keychains and other charms. It will stay with them for many years and remind them of the special bond of a teacher-student relationship.

14. Gift Cards

When you run short of ideas on what to and send gift to India online, gift cards come to rescue. Pick up pre-loaded gift cards from a neighborhood store or a gift gallery. Extend your reach to a bookstore, popular coffee shop, pizzeria, movie theatre, spa and more. Let imagination be your best mate when giving a gift card. Ensure that you check the validity and balance in the card before handing it out!

15. Personalised Tote

Teachers do carry a world with them. There are stationery supplies, copies to correct, lunch bag, water bottle, personal stuff and so much more. A huge tote bag would be ideal as a best birthday gift online, gift to India online . A personalized tote with their name or initial – even better, an eco-friendly tote – will be the ultimate winner!

Besides these, there are so many more options for a birthday present for a teacher. Check with your little ones what their teachers would like to receive as a gift delivery online and they may come up with the best ideas. Make sure to avoid gag gifts delivery online and overly expensive gifts to earn cookie points for the child in the class or as compensation for bad behavior. Always respect the boundaries of the student-pupil relationship while choosing the best birthday gift delivery online.

source - https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/magazine-15-creative-birthday-gift-ideas-for-a-teacher/

[jes-chillin]

tuesday // july 3, 2018

based on a poll on I put on instagram during a regular afternoon at the neighborhood pool, I have decided to give lifestyle blogging the old college try. fun fact: I have had a Tumblr account since 2007, which means I have been on this website for over TEN years. that seems entirely too long, but at least I know how to work it.

the reason I want to start blogging is because I have realized I cannot write everyday into a poem. I certainly write poems to express complex thoughts, but not everything is that deep. my second poetry book will be coming out this fall and I'm really excited to anxiously put myself out there again. like all personal things written, it comes with a content warning about various topics. this book is far more edgy than the last. I go into my depression and body image issues more than I ever felt that I wanted to, but if that makes one person feel less alone, I am happy. 

anyway, I have lots going on in my life. I just moved out of my parents house for the first time since I graduated college in 2017. this time last summer, I was a different person. I don’t think I would have ever guessed that I am who I have become over the short twelve months. I used to journal privately on this platform, and I want to share an excerpt from that to express how far I've come for my own reference of growth. I'm going to include that at the end of this post. 

In addition to moving, I've recently started a new job at the local blood bank. my job is extremely important because I am the person who puts on the blood drives in town. the blood from these drives go directly to the local hospitals to patients I'm sure I know. if these drives do not happen, people do not get what they need. cancer patients need blood transfusions constantly. when high schools are out, our supply is cut by 25%. this doesn't cause me too much anxiety because my coworkers are amazing people. I previously worked for a corporate company that sold medical billing and coding software to hospitals. I absolutely despised everyday I went to work and was treated very poorly by a majority of my coworkers. to this day, I still don’t fully understand how insurance and medical billing works. this leads me to believe the problem with the health insurance in our country is larger than I once understood it to be. working at a nonprofit organization has always been my end goal. I am making significantly less money than I was at the software company, but I sleep well at night knowing that I just gave a child with cancer another day with their family. 

while all of this is happening, my Dad is also dealing with a moderately common illness that heavily weighs on top of many good things I’ve been experiencing. he is healing from a horrific battle of diverticulitis. this is an infection in the intestines that can involve the removal of some of the large intestine-- AKA my Dad’s case. he is perfectly fine and in much better spirits than even he could’ve anticipated, but it is still a waiting game until his second surgery. sometimes the heavy nature of this causes me to randomly start weeping at work, right before bed, or in the grocery store. when that happens, I let it all out because I'm a human being. if I hold it in, I will probably explode. keeping a brave face in front of my parents while living at home turned me into an olympic poker (face) player. me? stressed out and depressed? no, you got the wrong guy!

anyway, the clouds in life will always exist. they will swell and thunder all over your good time. that’s why there are so many cheesy movies about dancing and falling in love in the rain. I was showering in my apartment yesterday afternoon and feeling wonderful about myself for the first time in a while. me and Brian were going to go food shopping and then coming home and rest for the first night in our new place. I was elated. while I was scrubbing the soap out of my hair, it dawned on me that this would not be forever. I will be going back to work next week. my Monday will look different. I will probably dread food shopping because of exhaustion. I will be anxious about my first day back at work after a week off. I will have so much to catch up on. I could feel the wrinkles in my forehead forming. before I completely locked up, I took a deep breath and said, “what is the point of worrying about next week? why can’t I just be happy about this right now?” and with that, I softened immediately. my smile came back and I laughed at my anxious mind for always having something to say. I ended up having a great time.

as I type this, I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop in town. I walked here from my new apartment, which is the most beautiful place I have ever lived and never once thought I could afford. in fact, I toured that apartment two years prior and cried on the drive home when I learned the cost of rent, feeling hopeless in ever being able to afford it. I just read some of Dale Carnegie’s work, and I'm going to make lemon blueberry cookies when I walk home. standing in the way of happiness being your normal is going to leave you in a state of constant disappointment, so letting the clouds hang out until the sky clears up feels like the way to be here. right now is that only time that truly exists anyway.

***pics: my fav coffee shop ft. a cafe americano before I got too hot outside***

“everyday comes with new thoughts, good and bad. much like the movie 50 first dates, i wake up seeing each day as a blank slate for the improbable, the fearful, or even the death of me. okay, Drew Barrymore doesn’t wake up like that everyday, but she wakes up each day as if the one before it is completely different than the one ahead of her. are you still with me? therefore, each day I must relearn just a little bit about how to cope with any new anxieties or fears that arise. you’re probably wondering, why are you sitting around and trying to come up with new things to be worried about? i’ll tell you why. i am a fortune teller. just kidding, no i’m not, and that is what makes me anxious. i fear the unknown, and i feel like a newborn child everyday. i feel as though each day is a day of opportunity for doom that i don’t know how to cope with. it’s sort of like I’m a toddler who has yet to know about object permanence and when someone takes away my food, i assume all food is gone and will starve to death. it’s very bizarre, and it isn’t new to me at all. i have been this way all my life to some extent, weaving in and out of terror to always come out to the other side and realize that i have survived by my own accord, and nobody else’s. so, why do i still sit around and try and make life a little harder than average for myself? that I don’t have the answer to yet, but i do have some insight. i just graduated college with two degrees– one in public heath and one in anthropology. what else… oh i don’t know what i want to do with them.” - An old blog post from June 2017

[yesterdaysdreams]

40 Fabulous Graduation Gift Ideas

Graduation Gift Ideas

With my baby brother graduating this year, I was stumped for gift ideas.  Although I tried to remember my favorite graduation gifts, let’s just say my memory was a bit rusty.  Plus, my one of my favorite gifts was a camera that took actual film (ah, the good old days)!  Times have definitely changed.

So I turned to YOU!  We {heart} our Facebook fans; you are a plethora of creativity!  I asked for the best graduation gifts ideas you’ve ever given or received, and boy did you respond.  So with your help, here are 40 fabulous graduation gift ideas that are gender neutral and perfect for every grad in your life!

Money/Gift Cards for Graduation Gift Ideas

Although impersonal, money and gift cards can be exactly what a poor new grad needs to tackle the big world.  On the other hand, if you’d like to be a little more creative than just a bill tucked in a card, check out these creative ideas!

1. Money rolled in a tissue box

Take out the tissues in a tissue box and roll up bills instead.  Then add a cute saying and you will quickly alleviate any homesickness.

2. Write a check for their graduation year 

While a check written for $20.17 might get an initial quizzical look, it will be followed by a good laugh.  You definitely get points for being creative.  Bonus points if the check is for $2017.00.

3. Dave Ramsey’s “Graduate’s Survival Guide”

So many of you raved about this gift set that I am tempted to get it for myself!  In a world ruled by credit and over-spending, many new grads can find themselves drowning quickly.  Give them a head start by learning about credit cards, part-time jobs, and student loans.

4. Shell Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree” with a surprise inside

Once there was a tree…and she loved a little boy.  If you’re tearing up already, this poem turned into a book about friendship, sacrifice, and generosity is the perfect gift for your special grad.  Stick a few surprise bills inside and they have a gift to treasure forever.

5. Gift cards to local restaurants

One of a mother’s significant worries, among many, are “Will my child starve?”  Give your grad a few gift cards to local eateries where they will be going to college or settling down.

6. Grocery store gift cards

Just enter any college town grocery store and they are milling with malnourished students hovering around the ramen noodles.  When living on a tight budget, a grocery store gift card can be a lifesaver.

7. Gas cards

Another necessity for every new grad.  Give them a gas card with the expectations that they are to visit home often!

8. Gift card to the college store

If you know where they are going to college, help a new grad buy those over-priced textbooks, or get some fresh new collegiate gear to wear on game day.

9. Movie tickets

The post-high school dating scene can be tough when you have about $5 to your name.  Give your grad a slight advantage with two movie tickets for a special date night.

10. Stock shares

A creative and smart investment, buy your new grad shares in a company of their choice.  They will love having ownership and watching their money grow.

  Practical Gifts for Graduation Gift Ideas

They may not be the most exciting or glamorous gifts but guaranteed your grad will appreciate those gifts looong after the tassels are turned and the caps tossed in the air.

11. Luggage

Our Facebook fans’ number top gift recommendation, so many of you share the tradition of gifting luggage for graduation.

12. Toolset

This gift was one of my personal favorites and many of you agreed.  Getting a toolset, although lackluster at first, has come in “handy” throughout life.

13. A car kit with jumper cables:

This gift, plus a free lesson in basic car maintenance, is perfect for both guys and girls headed out on their own.

14. First aid kit with medicine

We all want our mommies when the slightest sign of the sniffles hit.  But when mom’s not there, what better than a first aid kit loaded with medicine to treat every ailment.

15. Cookbooks

Don’t let them use “I don’t know how to cook” as an excuse for fast food three meals a day.

16. Cooking lessons

If you combine this gift with #15 above they will {hopefully} avoid that freshman fifteen.

17. The Pampered Chef Micro-Cooker

Many of you raved about this little cooking beauty that made dorm cooking so much easier.  For $20, a novice chef can cook a gourmet meal right in the microwave.

18. Scentsy warmer and scent packs

Dorm rooms literally stink.  Mask the musk with a plug-in warmer filled with delicious fragrances that will smell like home sweet home.

19. A nice set of clothes

For job interviews, work, or formal engagements that require a professional look.

20.  A quality backpack

A person could count toting around college books as their daily workout.  Those things can be heavy!  Therefore a  quality backpack is a must for any college-bound grad.

21. Global Positioning System (GPS)

Many smartphones already have them, but a GPS is a great idea for anyone heading out for adventures of their own.

Gift Baskets for a Graduate Gift Ideas

Gift baskets are fun to give and fun to receive.  Plus they are loaded with really useful stuff!

22. Laundry gift basket with quarters

There is a reason why this is one of the most popular grad gifts.  It is packed with every laundry supply you could imagine–towels, detergent, fabric softener, dryer sheets, bleach, stain removal, and especially rolls of quarters for those laundry machines.  (Many schools now use student cards as payment, so check with the school first.  You could also load money on the card for laundry.

23. Food essentials kit

Because moving out on your own can be overwhelming.  So make the transition easier by stocking that new grad up with all of the food essentials he or she may need.

24. Kitchen essentials kit

Dish towels, dish cloths, scrub brushes, dish detergent, utensils, plastic plates, bowls, glasses, etc., and maybe the caution: don’t put dish soap in the dishwasher (not that anyone ever does that!).

25. Bathroom essentials kit

Towels, washcloths, bathroom cleaners, *shower sandals (for those nasty dorm showers), shaving gear, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, toilet paper, toothbrush, toothpaste, makeup for girls, etc.

26. College supplies kit

Notebooks, a planner, pens, gum, study snacks, energy bars/drinks (for procrastinating studiers), stapler, three-hole punch, calculator, white-out, etc.

27. Themed gift baskets 

“Things that stick” (3M hangers, super glue, gum, etc.), sports themed baskets (golf, basketball, football, wrestling, track, motocross, swimming, tennis, dance, etc.), state themed baskets (based on where they are moving to or going to college), beach themed baskets (flip flops, beach towel, sunscreen, frisbee, sunglasses, etc.), candy bar basket with sayings (“You are a real Starburst!”, etc.), fan themed baskets (favorite professional or college teams), fruit themed basket (everything strawberry: soap, lotion, drinks, treats, etc.), Starbucks themed basket, Movie themed basket (favorite DVDs, popcorn, soda, movie treats), hair themed basket (great if going to Cosmetology school), picnic themed basket, and much, much more.  The possibilities are endless!

College themed basket: includes apparel and gear from their new school

Sentimental Gifts for Graduation Gift Ideas

These gifts come from the heart and are treasured forever.

28. Special quilt or afghan

Because everyone needs something to snuggle in while they are far from home.  Many of you agreed that a handmade quilt was and is one of your greatest graduation treasures.

My dear grandma made this for my graduation.  She cut out blocks from some of the shirts my dad wore when he was a boy.  It is one of my prized possessions.

Even if you don’t have the time or know-how to make a quilt, a nice, comfy blanket is a gift everyone can appreciate.  Love this Graduation Gift Idea!

29. Photo books

Include pictures and personal messages that document just how far they’ve come.

30. Keepsake boxes

If you are the sentimental type that saves everything from their first kindergarten watercolor painting to newspaper clippings that even mention their name, then give them a keepsake box.  We LOVE these memory boxes.

31. “The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Suess

Congratulations!  Today is your day.  You’re off to great places!  You’re off and away!  Best graduation book.  Ever.

32. Monogrammed gifts

Including towels, pillow cases, money clips, etc.

33. Digital picture frames or memory books:

Then load them with pictures that will remind them of friends, family, and all of the great times.

34. Letters from friends and family

Have close friends and family write a special letter to the graduate that he or she can read throughout life.  Put them in a special book or memory box.

35. Postcards addressed to you, redeemable for homemade cookies

 When I went off to college, I dearly missed my grandma’s homemade cookies.  Send your grad off with postcards that they can mail back to you anytime they need a little home baked goodness.

Splurge Gifts for Graduation Gift Ideas

Life is too short not to spoil them just a little, right?

36. Travel

Take them on a special trip to Europe, DC, or a destination of their choice.  The memories made will last a lot longer than any physical gift will.

37. iPad/laptop

38. A nice watch

39. Special lessons

Maybe there is something they have always wanted to try…flying lessons, culinary arts classes, professional golf lessons, etc.

40. A special valuable coin

One reader’s grandfather gave him a special gold coin that has multiplied in value today.  However, he will never spend it because it is too special.

Graduation Gift Ideas Perfect for Any Graduate

Hopefully, you’ll find something on this list perfect for your special grad with these 40 Graduation Gift Ideas.  And feel free to share any other brilliant ideas for the perfect graduation gift!

 If your graduate is leaving the nest, make one of these awesome message boards out of a pair of old shutters for them to display cards/letters from home.

You can also help your grad stock his/her dorm room with some great stuff from the dollar store. See our tips for what is actually worth buying at a dollar store, and what to avoid.

Another really meaningful gift for your grad – whatever their age – is a “Box of Love” filled with cards and letters from loved ones. Find out how to make one here:

The post 40 Fabulous Graduation Gift Ideas appeared first on How Does She.

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