#so. idk it's already close to 1 a.m. and i have to get up at 4 a.m. to get here in time for class (8 a.m.) a d i still haven't decided

[ijustcantfigureout]

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[vnti-vnxiety-recs]

The Harder I Fall (M)

★  PAIRING: Toxic Ex! Haechan x Toxic?Reader

☆ WORD COUNT: 9.5K

★ GENRE(S): Smut, Angst, Drama, Ex2Lover

☆ SUMMARY: You find it hard to return to your normal day-to-day life after you break up with your ex, Haechan. He makes it his duty to make your life a living hell in order to see you. You're not sure why you thought it would be a good idea to date your cute punk rock neighbor, but you are soon to regret it.

★ ☆ WARNINGS: Swearing. Various acts of sexual intercourse. Unprotected sex. Unwanted creampie. Dubcon. Spit. Light choking, Brief mention of drinking. Kinda manipulation on hyuck’s part to get readers attention? Reader got commitment issues. Probably a bad description of punk rock band idk brah. MDNI

☆★ NOTES: this is the final installment of THE POISON ARCHIVES, this one is not as toxic as the other ones but still has toxic elements so beware 

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.::･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.::･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.::･ﾟ✧

♫₊˚."Rehashing these feelings Swallowing the pain"♫₊˚.

You don't know why you thought it was a good idea to date someone who lives in the same apartment complex as you. You wish you would have thought this through when you said yes to your next-door neighbor's proposal when he suggested that you two start dating. Because now that you two have broken up, you are stuck seeing him every day.

When you return from work, you can never seem to avoid him, always catching him on the way up to your apartment. If that wasn't awkward enough, you have to listen to him bring girls home every other night. You don't think your relationship ended on bad terms, but he thinks differently. You know he does because on the nights when he doesn't have someone screaming his name, a constant reminder of the person you want to forget, he is blasting music at frequencies you can't drown out. Ever since you two broke up, your ex-boyfriend Haechan has been a pain in the ass. He makes it his duty to make your life a living hell. He knows your schedule, so he knows exactly when to bother you. Tonight is one of those nights. You had come from work late as usual, and all you wanted to do was lay in bed and sleep.

Not on Haechan’s watch

Haechan is blasting old 90s rock music when you're walking up the stairs to your apartment. You internally groan as you fish out your keys from your pocket, unlocking your door, and you try to stay positive. Today has been a good day for you so far, and you wanted to keep it that way.

"At Least he doesn't have someone over," you think in return. You would much rather listen to old rock music than some random girl's high-pitched moaning and the repeated banging of the headboard against the wall. Sometimes you wonder if that's what your other neighbors had to go through when you and Haechan were together. You head for the shower and pray that by the time you get out, he's getting ready for bed. It's already 12 a.m.; he should be tired by now.

The reason you and Haechan were able to get close in the first place was because you both were night owls. You both worked late and always returned home at the same time. You would catch him in the parking lot as you two made your way home. Sometimes he would invite you over, and you two would talk about work and whatever else crossed your mind at 1 a.m. Through these late-night convos You found out that Haechan was just his nickname; your handsome neighbor's name was actually Donghyuk. You also learned that he was in a band that primarily made its income through gigs at bars and other small venues, and that Haechan was the name he used on stage. Although everyone called him Haechan, you thought his real name was cute and couldn't help but give him a nickname based on it. When you first started calling him Hyuck, he hated it, but it grew on him. You enjoyed your late-night chats with Haechan, and you wanted to see more of him, so when one night he asked you out on a date, you couldn't say no. After that, you two started to see each other more often and began to date.

You were in a relationship with Haechan for five months before you broke up with him. You were having to work a lot more overtime to pay the bills, and you just didn't have time for a relationship anymore. You thought Haechan would understand and that things would be cool between you two, but obviously not.

After you exited the shower, his music was still blasting, and you could practically feel the bass rattling your bones. How has he not been evicted by now? Did your other neighbors just not have ears, or maybe yours were just too sensitive? You wrap yourself securely in your robe and march over to his doorstep. You bang on his door repeatedly for at least a minute before he answers. Haechan swings the door open, meeting your gaze with one that matches your level of annoyance. How dare he act like you're inconveniencing him when he's the one keeping the entire neighborhood awake!

"I know you're a struggling artist and all, but you at least own a clock, right?" You deadpan with a quirk of your eyebrow.

"Of course I do. How else would I know what time to piss you off?" He smiles sarcastically.

You absolutely hate this little back-and-forth that you have going on with him. You know he does this to get your attention so that you come charging over here and bang down his door. He just wants to see you, and you hate to give him what he wants, but you know it's the only way to get him to turn down the music.

"Pls Hyuck I have work tomorrow, and it's late. I just want to sleep," you plead with him exasperatedly.

"What do I get in return?" He asks, looking down at you through his bangs. He must have just finished a show because his eyes were still smothered in smokey black liner.

"I won't file a noise complaint; It's my third one this week. Didn't the landlord say they would kick you out if I complained again?" He knows they're empty threats, but he's gotten what he wanted, so he lets them go.

"Since you asked so nicely. I'll do it just this once," he says, shutting the door in your face, and in the next few seconds, the music is lowered to a bearable hum through the walls. Once you play his little game, he's always kind enough to reward you, as he always has. When you return home and find it quiet enough to sleep.

Haechan knew the first thing you would do when the two of you broke up was try to avoid him at all costs, but he wasn't going to let that happen. He's always making excuses to have to see you. Sometimes, when he's not at home and he knows you will be, he asks you to grab a package for him or groceries that he ordered so that you can bring them to him later. Other times he will knock on your door, asking to borrow a few eggs or your hammer—anything he can think of that he knows you have. You have already come to accept the fact that you can't get rid of him, but that doesn't stop you from trying.

It's been a few days since the music incident, and miraculously, you haven't seen him around. Lately, you can hear him getting home just a few minutes ahead of you. He must have been too tired to bother you lately; either that or he's matured past his little pranks. You think tonight is another night that you're in the clear. When you arrive home, you don't see Haechan’s car in the parking lot. You don't want to run into him, so you rush up the stairs to your apartment. You giddyly look for your house keys, thinking you finally got one over on him, when you realize they are missing from your keyring. The keyring is old and bent out of shape, so the key must have slipped off during the day. You were horrified; you were beyond tired and in desperate need of a nice warm shower. You let out a huff of annoyance. You could stay at your friend's house for the night, but she lives 30 minutes away, and you don't think you can get behind the wheel of a car without immediately driving off the nearest cliff.

You were already having a rough day, and this was the icing on the cake. Before you can wrack your brain for a solution, an even bigger problem presents itself. Haechan returns home with his bass strapped to his back and his hair a wild mess. He must have returned from band practice, probably getting into another fight with one of his members. He meets your eyes with a tired smile.

"You look like shit," you comment before you can stop yourself.

"I think you meant hello; how was your day?" He rolls his eyes as he reaches his door. He begins fishing his keys out of his jacket pocket when he turns to you again. "Why are you sitting here?" he questions with a quirk of a brow.

"I think the air is fresher during this time," you say mockingly.

 "Oh really? Well, have fun with that princess," he smirks as he finally unlocks his door, letting himself inside.

He leaves you outside. Curse you and your big mouth. Would it kill you to be nice? You really didn't want to ask, but you really had no choice. You worked a double shift today, and your body was on the brink of collapse. You knew what he wanted; he wanted you to come crawling to him for a favor so he could hold it over your head, and you really didn't want to give into his games, but just like always, you had no choice. After 10 minutes of contemplation, you knock on his door softly. A few seconds pass before he opens the door.

"What? Is the air not fresh enough?" He mocks, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"Look, I'm sorry for earlier, but I'm locked out, and today has not been my day. Can I stay over?" You plead. 

Hmm, maybe you should ask a little nicer, and I'll consider it. '' That bastard was definitely getting a kick out of this. What was his redeeming quality again?

"Please, hyuck, just do me this one favor; I promise I'll pay you back." You gritted your teeth.

"You better keep your promise," he says as he opens the door wider for you to come in. "You already know where everything is to make yourself comfortable; I'm gonna hop in the shower." He leaves you to go grab what he needs as you take off your shoes to follow him to his room.

You sat your things down on the nightstand by his bed. "I don't mind sharing a bed with you; just stay on your side, get it?" You look at him with an accusatory glare.

Haechan raises his hands in defense with a smile as he walks backwards into the bathroom. He doesn't say anything more and shuts the door behind him. You busy yourself and go through his drawers to find a comfy shirt and a pair of his boxers. You grab a towel from the towel closet and wait your turn for the shower. You scroll on your phone as you wait. When Haechan finally exits, he's wearing a plain white shirt and his boxers. Even in the simplest of clothes, he looks so good. You distract yourself with your phone again, hoping he doesn't catch you staring at him as he dries his hair in the mirror.

"Did you leave me some hot water?" you question, knowing that he probably used it all just to get on your nerves. He always liked it when you got angry at him.

"Of course, what kind of host would I be if I didn't?" he says as he plops down next to you on the bed. "I also thought of a way you can repay me," he says, looking up at you with a smug look on his face.

"If it's something perverted, absolutely not," you say as you stand to get in the shower.

"It's innocent, I promise," he laughs.

You don't hear him as you shut yourself inside his bathroom, turning on the water. You knew Haechan’s definition of innocence was definitely far from normal. This wasn't good. Sleeping in the same bed as your ex? Especially one that loves tormenting you, was not a smart move. You knew he was up to no good the moment you saw him come up the stairs. He looked tired, but as soon as he laid eyes on you, you could see a fire ignite behind them.

You finish freshening up and sport the clothes you stole from his drawer. When you join him on the bed, he's scrolling on his phone. When he lowers his phone and stares at you with a quirked eyebrow, you finally take notice of how close you were to him. It was a force of habit. Your body was just naturally drawn to him like a magnet. You scoot back a bit with a sheepish smile and a nervous laugh. He sets his phone down and shakes his head. He reaches over, looping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest.

"You know better than to run from me, love," he smirks.

Him and that stupid smirk! It was like it was permanently etched onto his stupidly smug face. The stupidly smug face that you fell in love with—the stupidly smug face you're trying so hard not to kiss

"Don't call me that," you hesitantly whisper.

"But you get to call me Hyuk?" He retaliated. He rests his forehead against yours while you hold eye contact.

He had a point; it wasn't fair that you got to call him your favorite nickname when you two were together, but he couldn't. It just felt too intimate to you, though.

"Should I call you Haechan?" You start, but he cuts you off.

"Can we just stay like this? Just for tonight, can you let me pretend that you're mine again?" he whispers, a breath away from your face. He didn't mind you calling him Hyuck; it was the only proof he had left that you still loved him. If you called him Haechan, he had nothing else to hold onto.

"I don't think that's a good idea." You hesitate.

"Please, you owe me, remember? Let me just hold you like this just for tonight." Haechan is often one to make jokes, but at this moment he is as serious as ever.

You sigh in defeat. Owing Haechan a favor is never good, but this was a pretty tame request for him. You just didn't know the effect it might have on your heart later. As usual, you ignore the possible consequences and agree. He leans in and pecks the corner of your mouth, holding his lips there for a second longer than necessary.

"Hey, you said we would only cuddle!" You reprimanded him.

"Let me have just a little more, ok? I promise I'll be good to you from now on. No more loud music," he bargains.

You should have known he would have been content with just cuddling. Haechan was always an affectionate lover, and he always needed to feel all of you to be satisfied. His pecks trail from your cheek to your jaw, and when they reach your neck, they blossom into kisses. At this point, you're breathless and squirming. His arm that was around your waist unwraps itself, so he can use his hand to massage your lower back. His slow, passionate kisses turn wet and sloppy when he grabs your ass. He can't help the groan that escapes his mouth at the feeling. At this point, you wanted to feel more of him. You knew he wouldn't touch you like you wanted, though, Not until you asked. Even when he was the one who started it, he couldn't help but have you begging for him.

He pushes your shirt up past your chest as His kisses move lower, leaving hickeys in his wake. You try to hold on; you really do, but when he ventures even lower to leave kisses near your navel and then to the tops of your thighs, you crack.

"Hyuck… just a little more."

"Just a little more?" He repeats your words back to you. You bite your lip and nod your head. "You want me to touch you more, pretty? I thought we were only going to cuddle?" He questions spreading your legs so he can lay between them.

"Just a little farther; it's ok if we go just a little bit farther," you relent.

"If that's what my princess wants," Haechan pulls your shorts swiftly from your core and settles back down. He looks into your eyes once more to make sure it was really okay, and when you let out a moan and buck your hips into his face, he knows you can't bear to wait any longer. Haechan licks a fat stripe from the heat of your core to your clit and showers it in gentle kisses.

"Please... more," you cry.

"So greedy!" Haechan tsks at you and finally sucks your clit into his mouth.

He can't hold himself back anymore and begins to eat you out like he really means it, wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold you down. He's making a mess as he spits onto your pussy, adding to the slickness. Before you know it, he's fucking his tongue deep into you, moaning at the taste. Your chest is heaving at this point, and you can't help but grab his hair and try to fuck his face. You roll your hips deep into his mouth, practically riding his nose as it bumps against you, clit at your movements.

He pulls away, and before you can even moan out a complaint, he's bringing two fingers to your entrance and slowly penetrates you with them, holding eye contact as he hums a sound of approval at how well you take his fingers. He licks his lips clean as he fucks his fingers into you faster. You pull his hair again, but this time you're pulling him up so you can kiss him. It's the first real kiss you've shared since the breakup, and it's all teeth and tongue as he's knuckle-deep in your pussy. You moan into his mouth as he sucks on your tongue. He pulls away to look at you with heavy lids; a single string of saliva connects you and breaks when he licks his lips.

"You gonna let me fuck you, baby?"

"Hyuck, we really shouldn't be doing this," you slur.

"Just the tip, I promise."

"You also promised just cuddles."

"We are cuddling, extreme cuddling, '' he jests. You've already crossed the line with him, so what's the harm in indulging a little more?

"Just the tip," you say with a nod, pulling him into another messy kiss.

You pull off his shirt and push his boxers down past his hips, and he takes them off the rest of the way. His length slaps against his stomach in all of its glory, and you know you're fucked. There's no way you'll be satisfied with just the tip. You haven't had him in so long, and he's so long. He always made sure to fuck you so that you’d never forget the feeling. He filled you up just right and knew how to make sure you felt every inch of him. He guides his tip to your entrance and coats it in your slick, letting it trail up and down your slit, prodding your entrance. He lazily thrusts forward, making his length slip up and nudging you clit. He did this a few more times, knowing it would drive you up a wall. You wrap your legs around his waist, threatening to pull him closer.

"Just the tip, baby, remember?" He reminds you that you're the one who suggested this stupid idea in the first place.

You shoot him a glare, and before you can choose the right words to verbally abuse him, he's sliding in. He keeps his work and just fucks his tip into you, using his hand to act as a barrier so he couldn't slip father into you. He pushes in, and when he pulls out, he smacks the head of his cock against your pussy creating a wet sound from how drenched you are. He repeats it a couple of times before fucking his tip back into you.

You notice that the longer he fucks you, the lower his hand slides down his cock as he sneakily fucks more into you with each thrust. You don't even think he notices because, when you look up at him, his lip is caught between his teeth. He looks like he's concentrating so hard to not slip more. After a few more thrusts, his hand is gone completely, and he's fucking deep into you.

"You liar," you smile. You knew he couldn't do it from the beginning, but you admire his perseverance. You reward him by clamping your walls down on him. He lets out a shaky whine and takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," and the look he gives you genuinely reflects remorse, but not because of what he did but because of what he's about to do.

He roughly unhooks your legs from around his waist and manhandles you onto your arms and knees just to shove you down onto your chest so that your ass is the only thing stuck in the air. He reenters swiftly and fucks you from behind. He's snapping his hips deep into you; it's almost too much. You reach your hand back to rest on his hips, and he grabs onto it and pins it to your lower back.

"Come on love, I know you can take it; fuck me like you mean it," he groans.

He's almost as fucked out as you are; no one else can ever make him feel like you do. He struggles to keep his eyes from rolling to the back of his head when you fuck back into him with a vengeance. He told you to fuck him, so you do. You throw your hips back into him so hard that he stops moving. He's trying his hardest to pull himself together, but all he can do is take it. Mouth agape as he moans at the feeling. You think you might have gotten the upper hand on him, but then he pulls out of you and flips you back onto your back, throwing a leg over his shoulder as he starts hitting deep again. At this point, he's gone. He's completely pussy drunk, and you can't see a thought behind his eyes as he drills into you.

 "Hyuck.. Don't forget to pull out," you moan, barely able to catch your breath.

If he can hear you, he sure doesn't show it; his pace doesn't let up, and he's pressing a hand against your lower stomach. He can feel himself inside of you and can only moan. Any previous worries you had are completely wiped from your mind as you tighten around him and release all over his cock. He fucks you through it, and when you meet his eyes again, you know he's about to cum. His brows are furrowed, and he's biting his lip so hard that you're surprised he hasn't drawn blood.

"Hyuck. Pull. out," you try to say sternly, but it comes out as more of a whine as the overstimulation sets in. Haechan shakes his head as his grip on your waist tightens. He can't think straight when you feel this good. At this point, he can't even control his moans as they spill out. He's close, and you do the only thing you can think of to snap him out of it.

You slapped him across the face.

You think you may have brought him back down to earth, but when he lets out a high-pitched moan, you know you're screwed, and not in a fun way. His hips stutter, and he's releasing deep inside you, hiding his face in the crock of your neck as he tries to ride out his high. Every weak thrust is accompanied by a pained moan from him as he continues to fuck you.

"No more hyuck!" You scold him and push on his shoulders. You pull his head back by his hair so he can meet your eyes. "Pull out," you glare.

He knows he messed up and finally pulls out. When he rolls over next to you, you slap and pinch his arms and chest.

"You're unbelievable! Just the tip, my ass!" You yell at him, and he's trying to roll away from you on the bed, but you follow him, continuing your assault.

"I'm sorry I got too carried away; I couldn't resist. Don't worry, I'll buy you a plan B first thing in the morning," he says with a flinch each time you attack him. You finally settle down with a huff and lay facing away from him.

"I know your memory sucks, but remember this was a one-time thing; after tonight we go back to normal," you mumble.

Haechan scoots closer to you and lays a soft kiss on your shoulder. Well, then let me savor this moment," he says in a whisper that you almost don't catch. He pulls you back into his chest and warps you up in his body, and you let him. As much as you want to be mad at him, Haechan is like a giant teddy bear; you always feel safe in his arms, and soon you're fast asleep.

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.::･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･

The next morning, Haechan stays true to his word and goes to grab you a plan B as you wait for your landlord to give you a new key. When he returns, he finds his apartment empty. He assumes you were able to get into yours. He knocks on your door, and when you answer, he hands you the pills. You don't spare him a look or even a thank-you as you shut the door in his face again. Haechan may suck at keeping his word, but you don’t.

You were set on making sure you didn't cross the line with him ever again. During the week, he begins to notice your colder than usual behavior, so he goes back on his word about the loud music as well. You don't want to see him, so you try texting him instead. When you ask for him to turn the music down, this time he ignores you and leaves you on read. 

It's like you two are back at square one. You should be happy, but a part of you kind of hates the fact that you two have become bickering neighbors once again, this time worse than the last. You know Haechan is only acting like this because he's hurt. You confirm this when you sometimes catch him in the breezeway returning home from work, but he doesn't try to make small talk anymore; he looks more tired as the days progress. One day, you can't ignore the bags under his eyes any longer. You know you're the one who made him like this.

He returned home at the same time as you; you were always scheduled on the closing shift again, so when you arrive, Haechan is unlocking his door. You find the courage to speak.

"Hey, are you okay?" you ask, concern filling your voice.

"I'm fine," he sneers, pushing his door open. Before he can enter, grab his arm.

I'm worried about you. Have you been getting enough sleep?" You ask, trying to meet his eyes, but he's avoiding eye contact. He snatches his arm away from you.

"Since when do you care what happens to me?! I thought you wanted me to stay away. Fuck. off," he snaps and slams his door in your face.

You know to let him cool off when he gets like this, so you decide to leave him be. Maybe you can catch him in a better mood tomorrow and ask. Before you can enter your apartment, you hear a loud thud from Haechan's apartment. You think maybe he dropped something, but the absolute silence that follows has you worried. You don't hear any footsteps or movement coming from the apartment, so you go to knock.

Hyuck, I'm sorry I upset you, but is everything okay in there?" You wait for a response, but nothing comes.

"Hyuck?.....if you're ok, please answer me." You twist the doorknob to his apartment and notice he left it unlocked.

When you open the door, you find him lying on the floor. His eyes were shut tight, and his chest was heaving. You rush over to his side to check on him. When you touch his skin, he's sweating heavily and burning up. He clearly has a fever.

Hyuck, I know you don't feel good, but we've got to get you to a hospital," you say, trying to help him to his feet.

"No, I'll be fine; I just need to lay down," he says, stumbling as he stands.

You help him to his room and lay him down. You help take off his shoes and change him into something more comfortable to sleep in other than his usual ripped skinny jeans and leather jacket. Once you get him settled in bed, you grab a towel and chill it in cool water so you can help cool him down. He's been up for half the night, tossing and turning from the uncomfortable heat of the fever. Eventually, he's able to cool down and enter a deep sleep. You stay by his side all night and call into work once morning comes. When Haechan wakes up the next morning, he finds you asleep by his side and feels terrible. He knows how much you hate missing work and feels bad that he was the reason why. He gently shakes you awake. Once you're up, you immediately reach for his forehead. He's still a bit too warm for your liking, so you hop out of bed.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"I'm gonna grab you some soup, and you're still running hot, so I'm going to grab you some ice." Before you can get too far, he grabs your arm.

"Thank you for staying with me, but I promise I can take care of myself."

"I've already called out of work today; you might as well let me take care of you," you counter.

He lets your arm go and falls back into the sheets. In truth, he still felt terrible; he was having a hard time even trying to sit up. He's been feeling a little under the weather for a few days now, but he's been able to persevere through it. His body must have just given up on him at this point. When you return, you have an ice pack and some chicken soup. You helped him sit up and fed him since he still seemed really weak. After you made sure he ate, you tucked him back into bed and set the towel on his head. You turned on his TV and put it at a low volume so as not to give him a headache, and you binge-watched a few shows as he fell back asleep.

It's around 9 p.m., and he's still heavily sleeping when you're bored of the shows you've been watching on Netflix. You decide to straighten up around the house a bit. Haechan isn't particularly dirty, but he hasn't had the time to properly clean up in a while due to his schedule. He has band rehearsals during the day and is booked for gigs at night. When he's not with the band, he's out partying. He only ever returns in the dead of night.

When you two were together, though, Haechan made an effort to make more time for you. He showed up late to rehearsals, stopped partying, and even turned down a few well-paying gigs to spend more time with you. You, on the other hand, refused to call off work. You were constantly working overtime, and you made no effort to make time for him. He tried really hard to be understanding; he was happy with the time he got to spend with you; he knew you had a lot of bills to pay, and he did too. At one point, he realized it wasn't enough; if you truly loved him, you would want to make time for him and make an effort. All he wanted was to know that you loved him, so he asked you to take more time off so you guys could go on more dates. When you agreed, he was content. You were finally making time for him; you must love him. He thought everything was going well until you broke up with him. You told him he was a distraction from work and that you didn't have the time for a relationship at the moment. He was heartbroken. He tries to take it back; he tells you that it's ok that you don't see each other, but you insist that he should be with someone who has more time for him. You said it wasn't fair to him. That's how your relationship became what it was.

You think you let him go out of love; he thinks you gave up on him.

You finish cleaning around 11 p.m. and go next door to your place to grab some more of your stuff. You grab your skin care essentials, body wash, and a new pair of clothes. You set up your things in his bathroom as you shower. It was bringing back memories of when you used to be together. You were always at his place and kept a lot of your stuff there. You shower, and when you get out, you start your skin care routine. While looking in the mirror, you can't help but reminisce about the old memories.

You finish up and return to his side. You checked his temperature again with the thermometer you got from your apartment. He was able to kill his fever. You figure his body is just catching up on all the missed sleep from the past couple of days. You don't want to disturb him, so you exit the room and lay on his couch. You stare at the ceiling.

How did it become like this? Since the last time you saw him, feelings that you previously thought had died have come back full force. That's why you were so bent on avoiding him at all costs. You were already confused, and being near him would only muddle your feelings more. You didn’t want to listen to your heart; you wanted to listen to logic. No matter how much you missed him, it would not work out. You couldn't afford to think with your heart; you didn't want to hurt him again, but it seemed the more you pushed him away, the harder he fell for you.

What was that saying? Absence makes the heart fonder. Well, whatever it was, it had you running laps in your mind, trying to escape thoughts of him. All you could think about was Haechan. If you're being honest, your job wasn't the only reason you pushed Haechan away. You were a little scared; you had never cared for someone as much as you did for Haechan. Your other relationships always ended before things got too serious, and you were afraid that this one would end up like the others. You were afraid of being hurt by him. You didn't want him to leave you, so you left first. You hurt him before he could get the chance to hurt you. You were a coward, and it seemed like you would stay that way forever.

You don't know when you fell asleep, but you wake up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. You sit up and feel the weight of a cover as it pools around your waist at your sudden movements. You don't remember grabbing one last night.

"Hyuck?" You call out, half asleep.

"Sorry for all the trouble I caused you, but I'm feeling better now," he reassures you as he sets a plate of food down on the coffee table in front of you.

You smile at him gently and reach for the food. "I'm glad to hear that." Silence falls between the two of you as you both eat. Once you're done, you clean up the mess you left behind and turn to him once again. "Well, I should get going," you say awkwardly.

"You can stay if you want," He says hopefully.

"No, I think I've already overstayed my welcome."

"You're always welcome."

"Hyuck…please" 

He runs his hand across his face, trying to collect his emotions, and says, "You know what? Do whatever you want; I don't care anymore." Even though this is what you wanted, it still hurts to hear him say it. You quietly leave and return home.

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.::･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･

Tonight, you're going out for the first time in a long time. Your friend Jungwoo was finally able to convince you to take a night off. He even offers to pay you for any hours that you miss. You reject his offer to pay you, but you do join him for a night out. After all this time, you deserve to relax a little. You can't just work until you die.

You and Jungwoo go clubbing, and you're having a great time. Haechan was right; you have to stop working so much and live a little. If you have to budget a little harder or even move into a smaller apartment, you think it's worth it if you get to spend less time at work and more time around the people you actually care about. You're sitting at the bar with Jungwoo when you hear a commotion behind you. At the back of the club was a stage. The club had strippers that put on shows some nights; tonight must have been one of those nights. That's what you think when you see people crowding around the stage, but when you see a band set up on the stage, you think that's highly unlikely.

"Oh god, please no," you silently pray.

Jungwoo turns once he realizes you're not paying attention to the story he's telling you. He follows your line of sight to the stage. "A band must be playing tonight," he says, taking a sip from his drink. Hey, didn't your ex used to... oh my god," he says as he finally catches up to speed with the situation. "You don't think..." he asks, turning to you again.

You pray and pray that it's not who you think it is when you see five silhouettes walk onto the dark stage. The band finally finishes setting up in the dark, and when the lights illuminate them in all their glory, you can't help but curse every god in existence.

Of course, it was The Neos.

"It's fucking him," you say, turning to Jungwoo with wide eyes.

Look, don't worry about him tonight; we came here to have fun, and seeing your hot ex isn't going to change that."

"Jungwoo!" 

"I'm sorry, look at him!"

look at him? You could barely take your eyes off of him! His messy hair is a little longer than the last time you saw him. His eyes were adorned with his signature black eyeliner, and he was wearing simple black ripped skinny jeans and a baggy t-shirt. His fingers were littered with rings, and he was wearing his favorite bracelet. When you looked closely, you spotted a silver lip piercing sitting pretty against his plump, heart-shaped lips.

"Wanna get closer?" Jungwoo suggests you can only nod your head, still distracted by your ex’s new look.

You get closer to the stage, and he looks even more delectable up close. You're so terrible. You pushed him away all those times just to imagine pulling him closer to you under different circumstances. This was your first time ever hearing him play with his band. He’s played you a few songs before at home, but you never made time to actually see him play at a gig. He was amazing; he was truly born to be on stage.

As the band played, the crowd got bigger and more lively, jumping to the music. You almost forgot you were at a club and not a concert. Reality comes crashing back down on you when you lock eyes with Haechan. You immediately stop dancing, and it's like the entire world slows down. The flashing strobe lights and the bodies around you all move in slow motion as you're locked into this moment with Haechan. You can't hear anything; all you can see is Haechan. His eyes don't leave you for a few more moments, but when they finally do, it's like the spell is broken.

Everything begins to move again, and you can hear the music blaring, but you're still rooted to your spot on the floor. Jungwoo turns to look at you to ask if you're okay, and that's when you notice the band has wrapped up their last song. The crowd is starting to thin out when you see him jump down from the stage with the bass still hanging from his shoulders. When Jungwoo doesn't get a response from you, he turns to see where your eyes are looking.

"Oh shit he's coming this way." Jungwoo tries to be a good friend and pull you away, but it's too late.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a bit?" Haechan says it loud enough to be heard over the music of the club that resumed playing after their set.

"I don't think..." Jungwoo starts before looking at you for reassurance.

"It's ok, Woo, I'll just be a minute, ok?" You say this as you finally manage to pull yourself together.

"Are you sure?" he hesitates.

"Positive, I'll text you when I'm ready, ok?" You say this before following Haechan to the back of the club. He's guiding you through the back halls of the club when you two finally reach the spare room the band was using to store their extra equipment. Everyone was already packing up.

"Hey, we're heading out—oh, who's this?" the one with the pink hair says.

"This is my ex," Haechan somewhat introduces you.

‘Hello ex. I’m Jaemin," he flirts with a smile.

"Cut it out Jaem, before he punches you again," said a smaller male with messy brown hair.

"I'm just messing around Renjun. We all know he still loves his ex; he won't shut up about her." Jaemin laughs,adjusting a gig bag over his shoulder.

"Im going to fucking kill you." Before Haechan can make a move forward, another male finally speaks up; this one was probably the buffest next to Jaemin. He grabs a hold of Haechan's arm.

Guys, cut it out. Mark is already waiting for us in the van. Come on before he leaves us again."

"Jen's right, let's go. They obviously want to be alone," the one they called Renjun said.

The boys clear out the room supplies in tow, leaving the room almost as barren as when they arrived, save for you two still occupying the space. Haechin heaves a big sigh, his cheeks still tinted pink with embarrassment. "I'm sorry about them; they just like to tease me," he tries to cover up.

You nod, trying to help him change the subject. "You guys were amazing tonight. I knew you were good at playing, but hearing you with a band was incredible," you gush.

Haechan can't fight the huge smile that takes over his face. "That means a lot." An awkward silence falls between you two as you run out of things to say.

"So you wanted to talk to me?" You rock back and forth on your heels nervously.

"Honestly, I didn't really have anything to say; I just wanted to see you again."

It's been a hot minute since the last time you saw Haechan. Lately, you have been completely missing him in the parking lot and in the breezeway. He stopped playing loud music completely, and if he was bringing home girls, you couldn't hear them anymore. It's almost like the apartment next to you is empty.

Well, here I am," you say with an awkward smile.

A few beats pass, and he finally speaks again. "I see you came out with Jungwoo. What? Are you two together now?" He says it a bit bitterly.

"Oh god, Hyuck, don't start; you know I don't do relationships."

"So you're fucking him?"

"I didn't say that!"

Well, what is it then? He can convince you to take off work for a night out, but I couldn't even get you to spare me a few hours of your time?"

"Hyuck, you know that's not true! Look, I didn't come here to argue, ok?" You yell exasperatedly.

"Come home with me," he states. It's not really a question.

"I'm out with someone right now." You look away from him.

He stands in front of you now, "still too busy to fit me into your schedule?"

You remain silent.

"Too busy for me, but never too busy to take my cock like a fucking slut," he sneers.

"Go to hell," you say, pushing him away from you.

"What. Am I wrong? The only time you spent with me was when we were fucking. Let's be real." The usual warmth isn't behind his eyes anymore; they are almost as cold and steely as the lip ring that adorns his lip.

You're such a fucking jerk; I broke up with you because I knew I couldn't provide you with the attention you so desperately crave all the time. I kept it real with you from the beginning! I could have strung you along, but I ended it before it got too serious." At this point, you're fuming.

Oh, yeah, right! I'm sick of hearing your excuses; you knew your schedule from the moment you said yes. You knew what you were signing up for. Just admit it. You're scared of commitment; you were scared of it getting too serious."

You feel called out because he was 100% right. "Fuck you, Haechan."

"I bet you would love to, princess," he spits back.

You both stare at each other, chests heaving from anger. "Tell him you're not going back with him."

"You can't seriously still be on tha-" Before you can finish your sentence, his lips are locked on yours.

One moment you're screaming at each other; the next you're ripping each other's clothes off. There was no way this was healthy, but you didn't care because Haechan was your favorite drug. He's pushing you back into the vanity in the corner of the room and lifting you onto the tabletop. You spread your legs, allowing him room in between. You can feel his hard length through the tight fabric of his pants. You feel The cool metal of his lip piercing when you kiss him, and you can't help but imagine how it would feel on other, more intimate parts of your body. You grind against the front of his pants, trying to feel more of him as you breathe him in like he's the only air you need, until your lungs are screaming at you for air.

"You're no good for me, but I can't get enough," he mumbles between breaths.

Your fingers find purchase in his already messy hair as you use it to pull him towards you once again. You two continue to make out when your phone starts ringing in your back pocket. You try to ignore it, but Haechan can’t. He knows who's probably calling. He pulls away from you, biting into your bottom lip and tugging it with him until he lets go.

"Answer it," he demands. You try to pull him back into you, but he shrugs you off. "Answer it or I will," he threatens.

You want to test him, but the way he's looking at you makes you want to give him everything he's ever wished for. You decide to be his good girl tonight. You slip your phone from your back pocket and answer it.

"You good? It's getting late; we need to leave soon," Jungwoo voices through the phone speaker.

You hesitate with your response, trying to find your voice.

"Hellooo… Don't make me come find you." Jungwoo says you can hear him readjust his phone against his ear as he whispers sorry to someone, probably pushing through bodies looking around for you.

"Im good, Woo; go ahead and head home without me; I'm going to catch a ride with Hyuck.'' As you speak to Jungwoo on the other line, Haechan is peppering kisses up and down your neck, and you can't help but let out a few quiet, breathless moans.

"oh-OHH!" Jungwoo exclaims. "You're nasty; have fun and stay safe, bye!" Jungwoo hands up the phone upon realization of what's going on.

You drop your phone on the counter and continue where you left off. See, I can be good for you," you say.

"Only when you want something," he punctuates as he uses his teeth to snip at your neck.

Haechan knows you guys only have so much time before security comes around and makes sure they have vacated the room. They only have it for the duration of the time they booked the gig. He pulls you off the vanity and turns you around to face it. He flips up your skirt and pulls the neckline of your shirt down past your boobs, keeping you partially covered in case you have to cover up quickly. You met the eyes of your reflection, and you were able to see for the first time how fucked out you already looked. He hasn't even properly touched you, and you're already dripping down your thighs.

"Look at how pretty you are, angel. I want you to look at yourself as you take my cock. Don't you dare look away." Haechan lays a sweet kiss on the top of your head, and you know that's his promise to you that he's going to absolutely ruin you.

He makes quick work of his studded belt and pushes his jeans down past his waist. He pulls your panties to the side and quickly works in a finger. He stretches you until you seem ready enough to take him, so he frees himself completely and spits down onto his tip. He mixes his saliva with your juices as he strokes his tip through your wet folds. He doesn't hold back any longer and thrusts into you. You keep your promise and don't take your eyes off of your reflection. You can see the way your mouth drops at the way he fucks you deep, and you watch as your brows furrow up when he hits a particular spot inside you.

"Right there! Please don't stop!" You cry.

Haechan leans over your back and rests his chin on your shoulder, looking at you through the mirror. His movements slow as he uses precision to repeatedly bully the spot inside you that's making you see stars.

"Do you feel that love? No one else knows you like I know you; who else is gonna make you feel like this, huh, baby? Tell me." His eyes don't leave your face, and when you don't respond, he lands a harsh smack against one of your ass cheeks. "You can't fucking hear me? I said answer me!" he yells as he picks up his pace. He wraps his hand around your neck, and you can feel the cool metal of his rings against your skin.

 "No one! Only you can make me feel this good. Only you can fuck me like this. Fuck me until I can't remember my name," you rasp.

"That's my good girl," he whispers in your ear.

He tugs you back into him with the hold he has on your neck. Your back meets his chest as he fucks into you at a new angle. You can't hold on any longer, so you let go. You come all over his cock, and when he doesn't slow down for even a second, you feel your second high quickly approaching.

Hyuck, please, I can't take another one; I'll make a mess," you plead. You know this next one is going to be messy. You can feel the pressure building up in your stomach.

That's ok, baby; I want to drown in you; let go for me." And for the second time that night, you come again, but this time you're squirting, and it's dripping all onto the ground below you. "You're so fucking nasty," he says to you as he pushes you to your knees on the wet ground. A hand goes to your hair, and you can feel the sting as Haechan tugs your head back so that you can meet his eyes.

"Open your mouth, slut."

You do as you're told and stick your tongue out for him. He moans at the visual and slowly lets a trail of spit fall from his mouth into your awaiting one. When you swallow his spit, he can't help but be proud: "That's my good girl."

He guides his length into your mouth, and you choke on him before you know it. Mascara running down your face, spit covering your lips This is what Haechan wanted you to see: you made him a mess on the inside, but he was always going to ruin you on the outside. It's a shame you couldn't see it. He fucks your face, and you take it like a champ. You look up at him, and all you can see is infatuation. That's when you realize it. He was never going to let you go. He was going to keep forcing himself into your life, whether you liked it or not, because he was disgustingly in love with you. Even as you kneel on the floor of a dingy club, covered in your own release, choking on his dick, his eyes are filled with love. His brows furrowed, and he let out a long moan as he released down your throat. He's still feeling a little mean, so he pinches your nose and makes you gag. He holds your head down and fucks deep into your throat a few more times before letting you go.

Did he love you? Yes.

Was he above making you suffer a little bit? No.

You catch your breath as you look up at him. Before a word can be spoken between the two of you,a knock comes at the door. Security announces themselves and tries to open the door but finds it locked. You and Hyuck look at each other in fear as you scramble to dress yourselves properly.

"One second, we were still cleaning up," He calls to the door.

"You guys were supposed to be gone 20 minutes ago." The security guards' annoyed voice can be heard through the door.

"Sorry, dude, we will be right out."

"You guys have 5 minutes!" security yells before walking away.

You fix your hair in the mirror, and Haechan tries his best to clean up the mess on the floor with whatever he can find. "Come on, let's go home," he says as he grabs your hand as he guides you through the back halls of the club on to the main floor and to his car.

In a matter of 15 minutes, you're back at your shared apartment complex. You're making your way up the stairs when Haechan offers to properly clean you up. You had left some of your skin care products over at his place a while ago anyway, so you agree. He runs a bath for the two of you, and afterwards, while you remove your makeup, you also help him remove his eyeliner. He's sitting on the counter when you gently wipe his eye makeup away. The silence between you is no longer awkward but a comforting one. You decide to break the silence first.

"I thought about what you said before, and you're right; I was making excuses. I was afraid you would break my heart, so I decided to hurt you first." You switch to taking off the makeup on his other eye. "I'm sorry for that, but I realize now that you would never hurt me; no matter how hard I push you away, you will never leave me alone."

"You make me sound like a nuisance," he said, glaring playfully at you.

"Because you are," you peck him softly on the lips, "but I've decided I don't want to live hurting the people I love anymore. I want to try again with you. Will you accept me?"

Haechan has been waiting forever to hear those words again. "You love me?"

Yes, I love you, idiot. Is that all you heard?" you joke.

"I love you too," he responds with a kiss. "Do you promise not to run from me again?" He looks at you, and you can see the vulnerability in his eyes.

"I promise, I'll never leave your side again". 

You finish removing his makeup, and you two set off to bed. This time, when you go to sleep in his arms, you don't dread the morning after; you know this is not a mistake. When the morning comes, you're going to be a new person and not the one that gives up on Haechan again and again; this time, you will love to the fullest.

[its-all-papaya]

Okay hear me out. Landoscar & 18 but like. It's towards the end of an exhausting triple-header, they're both tired as hell and have seen more of each other than any other breathing thing (because of the jetting around the world to get to races and because they're both idiots not confessing their feelings to each other). So. They say goodnight to each other as always after idek, playing Fifa, but this time one of them steps in and in their exhaustion accidently doesn't only clasp the other's hand but presses a kiss to the corner of the mouth as well. Without noticing (?) and with the other one only noticing after a few seconds (?). Gay panic follows. Idk what happens before or after but. Do you see the vision.

I SEE THE VISION, anon. don't you worry.

send me a ship and a number and i will write a kiss

18. casually | landoscar | 1.1k (lol)

In theory, Lando’s probably been doing this long enough to know better. He’s been in Formula 1 for six seasons and he’s been driving in time zones outside his own for more than twice that long, but coping mechanisms don’t grow on trees. Or they do, maybe, if he thinks about it… Jon had given him a packet at some point about sleep schedules and adjusting, and paper comes from trees, and so if he thinks about it kind of sideways, maybe his healthy coping mechanism had grown on a tree, and he’d just failed to read it before losing it in a drawer somewhere. Or maybe (and this is his leading option), he's just really fucking tired.

In his defense, Oscar isn’t doing any better.

They’d kept up pretenses exactly one day into the doubleheader, then Lando’d received the hey, are you awake? message at 1:45 a.m. local time on Thursday night in Baku, and who was he to ignore that kind of thing? He’s just a man, really. He receives a ‘you up?’ text and his sweatshirt is zipped over his bare chest before he can blink. Pavlovian, or some shit. Even if it’s not actually like that. He’s too tired to know the difference. Or something.

At any rate, if neither of them is going to sleep anyway, it doesn’t really matter if they’re lying in their own beds with their eyes closed or if they’re lying on a couch together playing Fifa. Or not lying together, but, like… both on the same couch. Lying down. Playing Fifa. The point is, it’ll be 4 a.m. and they’ll both be up either way, at least this way they’re less miserable. And Lando won’t tell Kim if Oscar doesn’t tell Jon and neither of them tell Zak or Andrea.

By the time they hit Saturday night in Baku, they’re both kind of adjusted, which is good. They don’t even make it to the part of the night where he can lay his head on Oscar’s thigh and blame it on the proximity to sunrise, which is really cool. Lando sleeps, like…a normal amount ahead of the race. That’s important.

But see, Lando’s not going to not go home between races, and he’s not going to sleep at 5 p.m. in Monaco either, so it’s Thursday night in Singapore and he’s up the fucking creek again, and if Oscar’s asleep, he can totally just ignore Lando’s text. Again, Lando is just a man. A sleepy one. Who would rather be exhausted on Oscar’s couch than exhausted anywhere else.

Oscar’s up on Thursday night, though, and he’s up on Friday night, too, except by then they’ve skipped the texting part and Lando’s just showed up at Oscar’s hotel room a few hours after dinner. Oscar rolls his eyes when he opens the door, but he’s smiling when he does it, and he’s already got Fifa up when Lando reaches the living room, so he’s not actually any fucking better than Lando, the muppet.

On the bright side (or, like… one of multiple bright sides, if Lando wants to be honest, which he doesn’t, thanks), they’re both pretty decent at Fifa now. They’ve played enough rounds in barely over a week that they’re getting kind of predictable to one another, and that makes Lando’s chest feel kind of stupid. Just the thought that Oscar knows him that well. Again. Tired. Just a man. His brain is basically mush, everyone’s lucky he’s even hitting the right buttons. It does eventually get the tiniest bit boring, though, at like 1 a.m., so Lando turns to Oscar after losing his second straight and asks want to watch a film, or something?

He makes Oscar choose which one while he flicks the lights off (for the best viewing, obviously), then settles back next to him on the couch a really, really normal distance away. It’s something he’s seen before, so he’s following the plot but drifting a little, too, until the next thing he knows, he’s jerking awake with a sharp breath in. Oscar’s looking down at him apologetically – down because Lando’s head is on his shoulder – and thumbing over the ball of Lando’s knee.

“Sorry,” he says, and, “didn’t mean to startle you. You should go to your bed, though.”

Which, like… makes sense. Even if Lando was definitely having the best nap of the doubleheader, hands down, just now.

Oscar probably wants to go to sleep too, though, so Lando picks himself up off the couch and yawns and makes a show of stretching before putting his shoes back on, just to make sure Oscar feels a little bad for how he’s putting Lando out.

He reaches the door while Oscar’s still doing something in the living area. It becomes apparent what when he appears with Lando’s phone in hand, sleepy smug smirk on his sleepy smug face. Ugh.

“Might want it for your alarm,” he wiggles it between his fingers and pads over to Lando and Lando’s still half-asleep, which is his excuse for forgetting to hold a hand out for it, but it really doesn’t matter anyway, because Oscar just slides it right into the kangaroo pocket of Lando’s hoodie for him. Really cool. Mint, actually.

“Mint,” Lando says.

Oscar laughs. His eyes are especially crinkly past 2 a.m. He says “thanks for coming by” - even though Lando’s the one who started it tonight - and holds out his hand.

Lando clasps it. “Meeting’s late tomorrow, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, like 2:00 or something,” Oscar says.

“Mint,” Lando says. It makes Oscar laugh again, and Lando can’t really tell why, but, like…whatever works.

“Yeah?” Oscar’s smile is so nice around the word.

“Yeah.”

Oscar squeezes his hand, which is how Lando realizes he’d forgotten to let go in the first place. Oh, well. Late and all. Time change, jetlag… yeah.

He finally does let go, though, then pats Oscar on the hip and kisses him on the side of the mouth and says “Night, Osc.”

“Night, Lando,” Oscar says back. Then his eyes narrow. It’s a funny sort of expression that Lando hasn’t seen on him before, so he tilts his head a little, trying to figure out what’s put it there. It takes a good few seconds longer than it probably should, but Lando makes up for it by blushing twice as bright as is reasonable when he finally clocks it.

“Ah, damn,” he says through a giggle, which is probably not the appropriate response, all things considered, but that makes Oscar laugh, too, so everything’s good.

Oscar flattens his hand on Lando’s back, then, and kisses him square on the lips and says, “too tired to even kiss a mate properly, remind me to kick you out earlier next time,” which is an objectively much weirder way to respond than Lando’s. So, like… they’re even. And Oscar’s still smiling when he pushes Lando out the door. It’s mint.

[dangerousartisanwerewolf]

To all the Americans on tumblr rn...

I am not American, nor am I old enough to vote yet as I missed being the legal voting age for my province by only about a week- curse my extremely late birthday.

(which weirdly enough has also had such an incredibly tight election that they are still counting the votes right now even though it happened 2 weeks ago because the two parties are basically tied. }

but I am also very worried for you guys way down south. Hopefully America will put the right person into power this time and everything ends up being ok for you all. Not to be too cliché but I am sending thoughts and prayers and I hope you guys all stay safe down there. I honestly can't even imagine how you guys fell- I don't even live there and I've been feeling increasingly nauseous as the hours go by and I have had to offline for the most of the day.

Remember:

To take care of yourselves. Just in general, in whatever way you see fit

You absolutely do not have to live stream the election polling/results thing on TV, doom scroll election content the whole day long, watch the news, or consume any other election related content. As horrible as it feels to say this; the results will be the same regardless of whether or not you are watching it. Sometimes it is just better for you and your mental health to just log off of sm/screens for the night

If it all does feel like its getting too much for you, please log off/take a sm/screentime break

Most importantly, if you haven't already, please vote!!!! I am not American and am barley old enough to be considered a legal voter (Missed my own countries election *tears*) so I can't really help in terms of providing resources but I am sure there are all sorts that can help you I'm sure. I know that its getting late at night; some polls have closed already but not as many as you would think. I found out that most are actually open way later than I thought. As it turns out, some are even open til 1! You learn something new every day I guess!

Just Please, Please, Please go out and cast your ballot and make your voice known, with how close this is quite literally every voice matters!!! GO VOTE!!!

Poll closing times in case you need it (I only included ones that close 8pm and upwards because it is 7:30 at the time of writing this)

8 p.m. ET

Alabama

Connecticut

Delaware

District of Columbia

Florida (Polls in Eastern time zone close at 7 p.m. ET; part of Panhandle are in Central time zone)

Illinois

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Mississippi

Missouri

New Hampshire (Polling hours vary by municipality and are listed by location here)

New Jersey

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

Tennessee

8:30 p.m. ET

Arkansas

9 p.m. ET

Arizona

Colorado

Iowa

Kansas (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties in the west)

Louisiana

Michigan (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties)

Minnesota

Nebraska

New Mexico

New York

North Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in all but eight counties)

South Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in the east)

Texas (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET for most of the state except three counties in the west)

Wisconsin

Wyoming

10 p.m. ET

Montana

Nevada (The polling location at City Hall in West Wendover closes at 9 p.m. ET)

Utah

11 p.m. ET

California

Idaho (Polling locations in the south close at 10 p.m. ET)

Oregon (Polling locations in Malheur County close at 10 p.m. ET)

Washington

12 a.m. ET

Hawaii

1 a.m. ET

Alaska (Polling locations close at 12 a.m. with the exception of Adak)

I'm not really sure what other useful info I could put as I don't know much about America or it's electoral system but I hope that helps.

A lot of people I have seen have been posting about how they feel sick to their stomach's and that they can't get off the news and how they just feel terrible so...

Things you can do to distract yourself for the rest of the night (And possibly the next few days, idk how long it takes to count votes)

Have an early bedtime/take a late nap (Only go to bed after 9 at least though, otherwise you'll mess up your sleep schedule and make you feel worse.) Just sleep your way througb it if you cant help it.

To add on to point one I often use asmr if I can't fall asleep right away/to distract myself. My favorites are: Jaden Aliana Asmr, Oceans Asmr, Kaitlynn Reha asmr, and my absolute favorite Goodnight Moon ASMR (Check out her babble brook, 1920's, or valley girl series')

Listen to a podcast (I like Rotten Mango- informative true crime, Buzzfeed unsolved- funny true crime/ghost hunting, Look behind you- also true crime, and Chris Chan; a comprehensive history)

Never too late for some cleaning! Clean your house, bathroom, bedroom, closet, do a deep clean.

If your a student like me- do your schoolwork! I know you have some studying or homework that needs to be done! Get on it!! I use the pomodoro method if that does anything

Have a self care night- do an everything shower or fancy bath, make facemasks, mani pedi's ect.

Watch a movie or marathon t.v shows you love/that are comfort shows (Some of my comfort shows are; Bobs burgers, Gravity falls, the moomins 1990, the office, what we do in the shadows, black books, derry girls, moone boy, and all creatures great and small and M.A.S.H. Some of my comfort movies are; Little women, the cornetto trilogy, Emma, Legally blonde, Pride and Prejudice)

Never too late for some cooking! One of my favorite hobbies is cooking and baking (Mostly baking) Make some chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, muffins, cupcakes or try a fun cake.

Go for a night walk! Just make sure you bring a buddy and some flashlights of you're in total darkness like I am right now. (Love me a Canadian fall! Already snow where I am so of course that means everyone now needs to immediately put up Christmas decorations lol. At least the lights are nice at night)

Spend time with loved ones. Call or text a friend, spend time with your family, roommates, whoever. If your on campus at a uni see if there's literally any activities or clubs open at this hour you can go to

Read. I know you have a tbr you keep meaning to get to

Go on a research rabbit hole about something interesting. Try to learn something new. Some topics to get you started relating to where I live cause why not; Try to learn about : The Animals of Canada, Indigenous cultures and peoples of Canada- ex: try to learn some Cree or Halqemeylem phrases, try to memorize all of our provinces and territories.

Get through any chores you still have to do

Make/do something creative: Play an instrument, record a song, make a collage, paint, draw

Play some music, listen to your favorite songs on loop (Spotify's still collecting data for wrapped!)

Download a videogame on your phone- just one to pass the time even if its total addictive trash. Some ones I like: Moomin town- Idle, relaxing, town building, slowpaced, free, Miriam webster quizitative- free, wordgames, has an end to it, Toca boca hair salon- not free, hair salon game, endless, Toca boca town- not free but there are dupes, dollhouse game, bird bnb- townbuilding, slowpaced, as well theres all sorts of cute isle cat games; I like the grocery store and cafe ones

Make sure to:

Drink water

Eat at regular intervals

take breaks from screens (It'll hurt ya eyes)

get some sleep at some point

Don't sleep all day (Try to get up at a normal time)

if you feel like you need- put screen time limits on your phone. Or as well, turn down the brightness if you feel you have to doom scroll.

That's all for now. Hope you guys are doing ok and that the results are what we are all hoping for. Just know that you are in pretty much everyone's minds and we are all thinking of you (Even if we don't live in America). Stay safe and take care of yourself and your mental health.

Love, thoughts, prayers, and support from Canada/Tumblr and have a good night.

Congrats if you managed to get through this absolute brick of text. I commend you. I'll probably check back in tomorrow.

[taihua]

real. one of my main gripes about hsr (and genshin especially recently) is how many different ways they try to say the same thing, but more in a purple prose way than in anything that actually contributes to the plot. why do the aeons have 10 million different names. why give different names to the same thing when they're just going to write in the alternate name for it directly above it in a smaller pt font. why do we get put into a 30 minute unskippable dialogue about "Actually none of it happened the exact way you think it did but there's a reason for it all, don't worry we're going to explain it while standing here stiffly in a hallway. have a flashback of another 30 minute dialogue in the middle of this one. ok back to me. now a beautiful 1 minute cutscene. now back to me, standing there with my dead stare talking about what just happened in case you were confused at all about what happened in the past 3 hours. ok here's some flashes of boobs so we grab your attention again."

don't get me wrong, I love a good story and flowery language, but I often feel the hoyo game writers put too much effort into making the story sound appealing but giving the actual story little substance beyond just their default "woah subversion of expectation !!! I bet you didn't expect this !!!" (looking especially hard at genshin story quests where nearly every single one in the past couple years has been about a mentor/parental figure/close friend betraying someone and receiving their just punishment). idk. I agree with you; it's easy to get fatigued by this formula they have, especially when you're just a casual player and don't want to parse through hours of lore just to play the new content.

It especially sucks because the phrasing is very nice and some of it probably could be poignant if there was actually anything in the story to back it up. When they do get it right, it's great--I thought the Misha scenes at the end of Penacony were fantastic, while the 20-minute Acheron introspective was unbearably bad to the point where I never want to see her on my screen again. Aventurine was fine until they showed the exact same picture of his backstory 15 times in one quest chain while failing to reveal anything we didn't already know about him. Someone on the writing team is clearly capable, but I feel like they're just so rushed with their aggressive capitalist update schedule that they can't actually spend time making sure the quality matches the quantity.

I'm not immune to great anime boobs either, but I want them during actual gameplay as a treat, not during someone's 1 a.m. red-eyed poetry speedrun :,(

[nathank77]

6/17/24

11:29 a.m

So I did sleep. I took 1 more mg of Melatonin right before I laid down. So 3mg in Total. I didn't sleep well obv I was off my circadian rhythm. I woke up prob once every hour and a half. Before falling asleep my hallucination was weird.

I had like mental pictures and then word hallucinations like, "put the cup over there." In a different voice like 3 different times.... but it wasn't exactly attached to the mental picture... the picture was gone and then the word hallucinations happened. Yup my brain is broken.

I got 5 hours of sleep. In Total. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. I tried to go back to sleep without the use of drugs bc I didn't want to sleep until like 12 or something and I laid there for a hour and gave up at 6:30 a.m.

I then hit the ground running. I went to Walmart. Grabbed a new lamp. Started laundry. Grabbed fancy work gloves for the attic and I got myself a new blanket and pillow top mattress cover which I'm washing right now.

I ended up ordering less on my credit line. I got another lamp but this one is a floor lamp. The lamp i got today was a desk lamp. My room only had one lamp. The overhead light stopped working years ago. My desk lamp is by my degree it's a little annoying cause it can't be by my tv bc of the reflection and the bulb is bigger than the shade of the lamp... but I pointed it towards the ceiling it's on my degree and makes it look flashy. And gives one corner of my room light. I'm using the other floor lamp in the opposite corner of my tv. At night I'll turn off like 2 of them. During the day I'll keep on all 3 to try to adjust my circadian rhythm. I'm excited to get the new lamp in the mail. I have exactly the right number of light bulbs in my junk draw.

I got like 11 storage bins all being delivered over this week. I'm excited. I already got them all planned out for my stuff. I won't be getting them right away though which is annoying but I can't do it all in one day anyways.

The gloves are too large so I bought the same pair in medium. I'll return the large ones this week once I get the medium ones.

I'm tired and my auditory hallucination is bouncing off the walls. It was really quiet the first few hours I enjoyed it.

I'm about to go up the attic and sort the boxes. Imma go through my clothes and put them in the boxes I emptied with my clothes that came from my old dresser and went to the attic and came back down here. I'm just going to sort them and get the boxes off the chest with my photo albums. I won't do too much up there without the storage bins I'm limited but with these gloves I can go through the bug shit draws.

By the end of the night I'll have my new bedding stuff on, the old spares in my blanket storage bin and I'm going to organize my desk lamp thing cause it had little compartments. I'm hoping I can get smaller bulbs so I can use it as a reading light or something sometimes if my tv is off.

I'm hoping I get a few of my storage bins today so I can organize.

I'm going to try to go to sleep at 10:30. I'll take my first mg at 10:30. Then if I'm not sleeping by like 12:30 I'm taking the second half and just raising my tolerance. I know I won't sleep well for a while bc I'm forcing my circadian rhythm which is why I'm mixing in Melatonin... I'm hoping it works. It's nice being awake when everyone else is. I can't believe it's 11:21 a.m and I've already did all this and I slept!

I am worried about sleep. I am worried about the weird word hallucinations... I am worried I'll have to raise my tolerance... I mean what am I supposed to do? Go back to fucking waking up at 4:30 p.m and falling asleep at 8 a.m it's fucking awful.

So yea I have a lot of anxiety. I'm just trying to stay busy. My hallucination makes me want to kill myself. Idk why it couldn't have stayed like this morning. It was an angel when I didn't turn on American dad and I was trying to sleep in silence. Just repeating my thoughts. And not being annoying. We have a deal when my eyes are closed it acts like an angel otherwise it can be fucking psychosis. It stood true to that today but I mean I still refuse to sleep in silence. I really thought I could fall back to sleep but I couldn't and I can't blame the hallucination despite it being an asshole now.

I got to call my dad later I'm anxious idk If I should after therapy or before. I want to get in the attic ASAP.

[noa-nightingale]

Unsolved’s Last Episode

What a journey it has been. And now it is over and I have to find ways to deal with that. So I decided to do what I do best, which is rambling about things I love, finding meaning in them and trying to get that meaning across in a way that is probably way too earnest and too emotional.

Let’s take a close look at the last Buzzfeed Unsolved episode, Return To The Demonic Sallie House.

I watched this alone. I stayed away from tumblr, twitter and discord on purpose. It was midnight in Germany when the episode aired and it was about 1 a.m. when I went to bed. I decided to go to sleep immediately after I watched the episode without talking to anyone about it, and that’s exatly what I did.

I wanted to cry but I did not manage to do it. I just lay in the dark, stared at the ceiling and had a lot of thoughts in my head.

So, let’s unpack this.

The Sallie House! Where it all started! And the second demon ep of the season! They really decided to go out with a bang.

I don’t know why I thought I would be able to get through this without getting my heart broken - it already started in such a wonderful, beautiful, sad way. Shane reading what Ryan said the last time at the Sallie House. The handshake. The trip via plane and car (loved that tiny bit of footage of their journey there). Shane making Ryan say “And now I’m back” with confidence.

“What a weird mix of emotions, to be sad, happy and horrified.” Lord, that hit me in the feelings. Ryan, I hope everything you went through and everything you experienced was worth it to you. And I really hope you know how much it means to people.

(I have my own weird mix of emotions attached to that episode now - sadness, excitement, joy, happiness, grief, gratefulness, love.)

I loved how they kept referencing the first investigation without making this episode feel like “just” a copy of it. It’s an entirely different vibe, a strong, fantastic episode in its own right and a worthy goodbye.

(And I also have to mention that little conversation about Shane laying on the pentragram. Look. Listen. I am asexual as hell. I am the most asexual asexual who has ever asexual-ed. I have not experienced one single sexual attraction in my entire life. It’s just not part of my experience. But putting yourself on a pentagram in the basement of a demon house while yelling “Rock’n’roll buckaroo” at whatever entity might listen - that is, respectfully and platonically, friggin’ sexy.)

“It just occured to me, we don’t really talk on the phone to like, just see what’s going on, because we see each other every day.” Oh dear God, it’s still happening. ^-^ I was reminded of the several times this has been brought up before - that they see each other more than any other person, that they spend a shitton of time together, and that even during quarantine they facetimed almost every day. Idk it just made me even sadder - they made memories together, went on this journey together, got closer as friends, grew as people; and now this show is over.

I am beyond grateful that Watcher exists and that Steven Lim (because goddamn, I love that guy) exists and that new memories will be made, but I am still so damn sad.

“It felt like the right time to leave on our own terms.” I am gonna ignore for now that he said this to a demon - I am just happy for them. This episode is such a great ending for such a great show, and I am glad they could do it on their own terms.

(Although I am a tiny bit salty that they apparently could not promote Watcher the way they should have been able to. Having to cut parts from the postmortem etc. But I once again have to give kudos to the Watcher fandom here; I have seen many people promoting the hell out of Watcher, and that is a beautiful thing.)

Ryan: “If that actually is a demonic presence in here, or Sallie, the thing that says it’s Sallie, can you turn the light on?”

(light switches on immediately)

Ryan: “Oh fuck off.”

I almost laughed out loud (had to stop myself, did not want to wake my roommate or my cat) but he said that in such a genuine, emphatic way and it was funny as hell.

“An audio recorder left in this room would later pick up the musical mobile playing by itself. Making this evidence even more compelling is the fact that seconds before the mobile plays, a white orb moves across the top right corner, just near the mobile that is out of frame.”

This narration brought to you by Ryan “Not An Orb Guy” Bergara. :p (I am not gonna razz him too much though - we know he presents evidence (or “evidence”, if you are a Shaniac) and then let’s the viewer decide what to make of it. He’s just reporting the findings. And yeah, I think that is admirable. Also, I know it has been said many times before but hats off to those guys for not faking evidence. Best ghosthunters in the world indeed, and I mean that.)

I also love that Ryan considers Shane a ghost cage (and an organic ghost cage, at that). Shane Madej, organic ghost cage. Put that on a lower third somewhere.

I generally don’t get that scared while watching Unsolved but the little girl turning into the demon thingy - the visual itself - is a tiny little bit disturbing when you watch this stuff at midnight. (I still slept soundly though lol. Did not have any nightmares.)

A thing that is just really endearing (and a little bit funny) to me is Shane sitting on the counter in the kitchen, with his long legs. Compare that to Ryan sitting on the table, with his little legs. ^-^

Also, compare Season 1 Ryan to Ryan now. He would never have mocked a demon in its own house and now look at him, drawing that portrait of Sallie. Yeah, I know it is silly but I am so incredibly proud of the guy.

Aand into the basement we go. And almost six years later, they are still a package deal. *noises of ugly crying*

He’s on the pentagram! I repeat, he’s on the pentagram!!! Never thought I’d see the day. Like, good God, this guy. The character development. The courage. I am blessed to be allowed to witness it.

AND THE BOYS ARE SALLIE APPROVED! GREATEST GHOSTHUNTERS IN THE WORLD! I AM SO DAMN HAPPY FOR THEM!!

That’s some well-earned cheering right there. Genuinely happy for them. Loved this moment.

We have reached Shane’s solo investigation and I got, once again, punched in the heart when Ryan said “So long, friend”.

And I know I am “just” watching Shane doing what Shane has done for all this series - being rude to demons and ghosts, yelling at them, telling them to do stuff to him and to wreak havoc. But it’s the last time now and it’s difficult to watch. I am happy for him - he defeated Annabelle, he defeated the Goatman and now he defeated Sallie.

“You’re a big nothing! You’re powerless in the face of the ghoul boys!” Hell yeah!!!

And, for the last time, they are doing the little dance of Shane telling Ryan he heard some spooky stuff that he did not actually hear. My heart can’t take it, it’s too much, I don’t want this to end.

Really enjoyed how Shane admitted that it is a spooky house (always has been, always will be). Like, that seemed like a genuine moment he had outside by himself there.

And now, Ryan’s time alone in the Sallie House.

I adore how brave Ryan as gotten, how he developed as a person, how things that would scare him in earlier seasons do not scare him as much anymore - but I have to admit, the moment in the kitchen when he told whoever was there not to show itself was fucking delicious. The fear in his voice. I don’t want this to sound mean but I adored that little moment.

“I am not my fear. I am stronger than my fear.” We love to see it. Genuinely.

I had to giggle when he started laughing maniacally by himself. I am sorry, it is just too hilarious and endearing at the same time.

And he went into the basement alone!!! <3 <3 <3

Shane: “How’d it go?”

Ryan: “It’s over.”

Shane: “It’s over.”

Ryan: “That’s how it went.”

Shane: “You ended it.”

Just... let me cry in peace.

I had to stop myself again from laughing out loud when Shane lay down with the two dolls next to him, aaannnnddd the framed pic of the ghoul boys near where Ryan slept was just a very nice little touch, honestly.

And it is over. It is morning, the “the investigation is done” music starts to play in the background and the series is complete.

... And Shane killed the spirit box. That happened too.

Before I write the last words here like Ryan said his speech at the end of the ep, let me just say: I loved this. I loved this entire episode. And I love these guys. From the bottom of  my heart.

“You believed in us. And for that, I will always be grateful.”

I did. And I do. And many more people do too. And you made me cry. Thank you.

“And sure, we may have never definitively answered the question of Are Ghosts Real. But in the end, in perhaps fitting fashion for a show that finds resolution in the unresolved, all I can say is I’m sure glad we didn’t, because the pursuit and the friendship made along the way was far more fulfilling. I hope the ride was as joyous and full of discovery for you as it was for us. That being said, I ask you one last time: Are ghosts real? For now, and perhaps forever, the answer will graciously remain Unsolved.”

I hope you know how many lives you changed and how many joy and happiness you brought to people, both of you, and the rest of the team. I have seen many many people say how this show helped them through dark times, helped them make friends, made them happy, and was deeply deeply meaningful to them.

The same is true for me, I just never know how to adequately put it into words. This changed my life for the better. It was a light in dark times. It made me braver. It made me better. I can’t thank you enough.

And they could have ended it here, after the “Unsolved”. But nooooo, he had to say more heartfelt words and Shane had to say more heartfelt words and that was what truly made it real for me. It sank in at that point, that this is the end of an era and that this chapter of their life and this chapter of my life is over.

Ryan’s words just really touched me, and it also touched me how intently Shane listened. And Shane can’t tell me that he was not moved as well. Package deal, bond that can’t be broken, best ghosthunters in the world.

(And I would also like to report that while writing this, my dumb stupid eyes finally cooperated and I cried. Thanks for everything, guys. I will keep the memories with me forever while making new ones with Watcher, and I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.)

[angelanimedesaray]

Breathe

AN:  I was contemplating on some future multi-chapter fic things and when I realized I couldn’t put this into any of them with my current plans, I ran over here to write this little drabble because I NEED TO WRITE IT!!!

Also, I know this was OH SO LONG AGO COMPARED TO OTHER THINGS, but I was thinking about it because I just watched my favorite reactor (A Goodwin TV) react to Midnight Sun and it’s on my mind, as well as the reason above. (Imma just name drop him real quick cause his AOT and ATLA reactions are GOLD)  Okay, name drop over, back to the drabble/One Shot

FINALLY:  If I’m being honest, I kinda imagine Vampire!Reader from Wings in the Dark doing this, but still, don’t take that as canon, cemented fact here, it’s just READER in this piece...but in my mind that’s kinda what I was thinking, heh

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Erwin (Post-Mortem, Mentioned)

Pairing:  Levi x Reader

Warnings:  ANGST, Post Canon-Character Death, Grief, Loss, Brief Non-descript Nudity, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count--Idk, I wrote this in Tumblr and was too lazy to check in google docs or something just take the drabble from my mind at 1:30 a.m.

*Reader’s POV*

Ever since Levi made the choice, there was a solid wall between the two of you, unseen to the human eye, but felt by both of you as it seemed to tower far beyond the abused walls of Wall Maria that you were surrounded by.  It wasn’t out of any animosity towards you--by now you knew him well enough to know he wasn’t angry at you or anything like that.  Far from it, actually.

But there were still things to do.  Injured to look after--what remained of the Scouts to be injured, anyway--and a sweep of the town to make sure there weren’t any more surprises lurking that might wipe out the very, very few who remained.  For a brief moment, you’d considered following him on that sweep of the area before deciding against it.  You weren’t out of the woods yet, there were still things to do, and you weren’t going to distract him.

Even when Levi and Hange went to put Erwin’s body to rest, you didn’t follow, both of them already making it clear that it wouldn’t be rushed out of respect, but it was not going to be a long affair, either.  The necessities, maybe a more personal touch here and there, and then back to work.

And he might want that time alone, as well.

When Levi came back, you got to your feet, expecting to pull him aside and at least talk to him, but he kept walking, stepping around you and heading straight for Armin and the others to have the much needed talk with them.

You silenced any kind of comment or concerned look that tried to rise to the surface at that.  And you held your tongue as the five of you walked through the broken streets of Shiganshina to finally see what this great sacrifice bought, or rather revealed.  The trip back was silent, everyone either busy with recoveries or with heads swimming with the reveal of humanity beyond the walls, bent on the destruction of everyone within the walls.  But even with thoughts as monuments as that, you were painfully aware that nothing had been said between Levi and yourself still, that Levi was quiet as ever--no, quieter--and that there was a sense of something brewing in the air around you.  You didn’t see any cracks in the façade, but when Wall Rose appeared, and the sea of smiling celebratory faces below, and then around, the blur of the world around you all as you were swept away in a sea of people who wanted to know what happened, what this meant, all these responsibilities suddenly falling on new people, reports needing to be made, debriefings, no rest for the wicked...

Even you couldn’t breathe with the sheer size of it all.  It was insurmountable, a weight that was pressing down with no escape, and that was just what you felt.  You didn’t have the weight that was on Levi’s shoulders, the knowledge and choices and responsibilities still oh so damn fresh with no time to process.  So much to process.  It still hadn’t quite clicked that the 10 people who came back to Wall Rose were the only ones who were going to be coming back.

Somehow, at some point, you and Levi found yourselves walking through familiar halls, past doors that suddenly found themselves without use, the halls empty of any activity or signs of life--at least the ones you were walking.  There was life, elsewhere, but not in this particular wing, not at the moment.  It was just you, Levi, and the bloody silence, the wall that Levi had shored up and somehow managed to keep up without any visible cracks.

Visible.

But that pressure in the air was mounting as he opened the door to your shared quarters, no creak on the door, just the softest whoosh of air as he stepped through, hands undoing the cloak from around his shoulders in the first two steps into the room, the gear being unlocked from the straps by the forth step you saw wobble--

The gear and cloak clattered onto the couch in a temporary position before Levi could finish taking off his gear, and you hardly had time to shut the door behind you before that wall shattered to dust without any warning, the moment it was just you and him and the silence with no chance of anyone disturbing you, as soon as you were hidden from the world.

It clicked, and it all came crashing down, all at once.

The distance evaporated the moment Levi’s knees hit the stone floor, a hitched breath cutting through the air as you hurried to his side, not even bothering to take off your own gear or cloak as all your focus centered on the stalwart man crumbling so visibly in front of you.

His hands were curled into fists against the cold floor, knuckles white and teeth grit as he tried in vain to hold the floodgates closed just a few moments longer, enough to at least get out of his gear and get it properly put away, for a more appropriate time and place than immediately on the floor of the office/sitting room portion of your modest shared quarters.  But all the emotion he’d been bottling and trying to subdue until a more appropriate time could not be held back any longer.  The moment the weight of it all hit him with nothing left to distract him was the moment he couldn’t hold it back any longer.  Silent tears were carving a path across a face that had only gotten a few splashes of water to clean up hours ago.  All the resistance and struggle he could still muster wasn’t enough to stop the sudden onslaught of damned up emotions hitting him at once.

As his shoulders shook and he started to turn his face away, still making an attempt to hold it back a bit longer, your arm slipped across his back, the other carefully touching his shoulder to turn him to face you.  He didn’t have it in him to resist, he was too busy trying to contain himself to divert any energy into resisting your quickly offered embrace even if he wanted to.  So, he turned into you, your hand coming up to gently thread through his hair and cradle his head into you as you maneuvered you both so you were facing one another.  Your other arm was moving gently along his back in soft rubs not necessarily to soothe so much as to help him relax enough to let it out in a way that didn’t seem so physically painful.  Right now the hitched breaths sounded sharp and sudden, the kind that made a persons chest physically ache, his muscles tensed so tightly you were worried bones would snap and sinew would tear.

You didn’t know what to say--what kind of words could possibly be of solace to him at a time like this, the weight of all that death and sacrifice and his monumental choice on the roofs of Shiganshina that had cost him someone more than a dear friend--cost him Erwin--causing him this physical pain.

One thing at a time.  He needed to let it out, not bottle it up.  He needed to release some of this grief, and he needed to not hurt himself even accidentally in the process.

“Just breathe, Levi...just try to breathe...” you murmured to him, trying to make your back rubs make a smooth, soothing pattern that mimicked a breath in and out to get him to slow down and breathe around the tears and the jagged breaths.

You continued your mantra of telling him to breathe as he struggled to follow your suggestion, breathing sporadic and tears dampening your uniform as you held him securely against you, fingers threading gently through hair that had turned greasy with the dirt and sweat.

He was going to want a bath right after this.  But first, he needed this emotional release.  That was the most important thing, even he seemed to realize that.

His fists raised from the cold floor to instead tighten into the fabric of your uniform, clinging to you in a death grip instead of digging into the palms of his hands.  He was still shaking, and his breathing still sounded painful at times, but it was slowing down as he tried to match his breaths to the pattern of your soothing back rubs, trying to slow it down and take deeper breaths.  You simply told him to breathe and rocked slightly in place, chin moving to rest against the top of his head.

You weren’t trying to make the pain go away--you knew you didn’t have that power.  But you were going to offer him what help and comfort you could.

As Levi’s breathing slowed down to something a bit more manageable, you pulled away just enough to look at his face, hands shifting from his back and hair to gently cusp the sides of his face in your hands, thumbs wiping at the tears that had stained his cheeks and your clothes.  He wasn’t looking you in the eyes, still, considering how rarely he let himself be this vulnerable, even around you.  But this was a special exception, an anomaly none of you could have predicted, and you were making more than just simple, small exceptions.

His eyes were bloodshot from the harsh crying, and he looked utterly exhausted, like if you told him to go to sleep right now he actually would, without issue, but definitely with nightmares.

You were both in for some harsh and brutal nightmares going forward.

But again, that was not your focus right now.

Your thumbs gently wiped at the tears that were now trying to hide in the already-made rivers on his face, your touch kind and tender, your eyes full of sorrow of your own--you’d known so many of those that had died, as well.  And you knew that Erwin had been special to Levi in a way you didn’t fully understand.  It wasn’t the same thing you and Levi had, but it was still deep and strong in its own way, and it had just been cut out of him the first time while he was helpless to do anything about it, and the second time with his reluctant consent.

It took a few moments, but he finally looked at you, briefly, which was all you needed--that quick dart of his eyes towards yours, and the fact your gaze was locked on his eyes was enough to trap his gaze to yours long enough to say what you needed to.

“He was ready to go, Levi.”

Almost imperceptibly, Levi’s eyes widened at the fact that was the first thing you were going to say to him, out of everything (besides the brief coaching to calm him down.  The first face to face, conversational thing, first real sentence).

You didn’t know what to say about the grief of so many people dead just so he could get one shot at the Beast Titan, which he then ultimately failed because of a split second of hesitation.  You didn’t know what to say about being the one to make the decision to make that suicide charge, sending all those people to their deaths willingly.  But there was one single thread you felt like you could actually say something about, something that might help ease his burden even the slightest bit.  The pain and loss would still be there, but his load would be just a bit lighter...hopefully.

One grief and--you hated to say it, but--failure, that burned to the forefront of your mind as the greatest personal pains he had to be feeling right now.

Erwin.

You would focus on that.  With Erwin, you had some kind of comfort to give, as strange as it may seem.  But Levi could not take the full brunt of Erwin’s death, not as harshly as he was.  Yes, he’d made the decision, both times, but again...

“He was ready to go,” you said in a carefully tender voice, your thumbs gently tracing along the smooth edges of his cheeks and cheekbones, holding Levi’s gaze and making sure your words were sinking in.  “We both saw it.  You know he was.  You gave him...arguably what he wanted the most.  He was ready to go.”

Levi seemed to remember to breathe again, leaning his head forward into your chest once more--voluntarily, this time--and simply seeking your quiet embrace.  You didn’t make any more comments, simply holding him on your gathered position on the floor, staring off at nothing in particular as you slowly rubbed his back, murmuring little reminders to breathe whenever his breath would start to hitch again.

When your legs started to ache from the kneeling position you’d taken to pull his collapsed form into your arms, Levi pulled away, not even pausing to wipe at any tears or say anything or even look at you.  He simply got to his feet and started undoing the straps that made up the full body harness of the ODM gear, adding them to the pile and starting to strip off his filthy uniform as well.  You clambered to your feet with a bit of effort, pain shooting up your legs and making you pause to wait out the pins and needles sensation burning through your legs from holding that position for so long.

“I’m going to clean up,” Levi said bluntly, his voice still gruff, gravely from the harsh cry he’d just had as he finished stripping of his dirty clothes and started to head for the bedroom door so he could reach the washroom.

“And then get some sleep?” you suggested, turning to face him with a worried look.  Levi simply grunted in response, hand on the bedroom doorframe as you threw out one last thing before the moment slipped away entirely.

“For what it’s worth...” you said quickly, slowing down for the important part.  “I agree with your decision.”

Levi paused, held his position, and then said in a soft voice, “You’d be the first.”

“That’s not true.  Mikasa and Eren--” you started to argue, but Levi simply turned and gave you a look that silenced your argument immediately.

They didn’t count.  They’d been guaranteed to want Armin over Erwin because of their personal ties.  Everyone else, however...you’d both heard it, even from Armin’s own lips in a way.  Everyone else thought it should have been Erwin.  Everyone.  They had expected it to be, as well.

You squared your shoulders slightly, stubbornly standing your ground on the matter.

“I stand by your decision, Levi.”

Levi studied you for a long moment, fingers that had tightened to a white knuckle grip on the wood relaxing again as he gave a slight nod.

“...so do I.”

You felt a bit of relief seep through you to hear him say that to you and mean it, nodding as you started to take off your uniform as well.  “I’ll be in there in a moment.

Levi hummed in acknowledgement and disappeared into the other room after that, leaving you to get undressed and tidy up the bear to be properly taken care of later when you were both in a better shape to do just that.  Tip-toeing into the washroom, you could see Levi had already washed up and was simply soaking for a few moments, eyes closed and head leaning back slightly, one of his legs bending so his knee peaked out of the water as you approached.

He cracked an eye open once you got fairly close, sitting up and adjusting in the water for you to slide inside and join him, wrapping his arms around you in a firm hug and gently nuzzling against your neck, giving your jaw a soft kiss before he started helping you clean up, his movements gentle and slow, usually followed by a chaste, thoughtful kiss against your skin as the two of you washed you of all the dust, dirt, grime, and blood from the devastating mission.  Once you were clean, you shifted in Levi’s embrace, curling into his chest as his arms linked around you again, holding you tightly to him and burying his face in your hair, breathing you in deeply and simply...holding you.  Just holding you in silence, both of your minds heavy with the weight of far too many things, but finding a moment of solace in the unspoken fact that by some miracle you’d both made it out alive and were here to comfort each other in the aftermath, to help each other slow down and simple...breathe again.  Even if it was just for a moment before the world continued forward in it’s harsh series of events.  Even if it was just to hold each other until the water got cold and you had to migrate to the bed for sleep that would undoubtedly include nightmares of the very thing you each needed comfort for.

It was still a much needed moment where you simply clung to one another as that reminder to take a moment to breathe again.

Everything Tags:  @antisteller

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds @queenofcurse @wubbawubwub04 @lollobos @pasteldays @itsmeaudrieee @macaronnv @tokyo-banana @apuci-kis-szornye @morgana-olson​ @yellowminb​ @ashikothedog​ 

[buckysgoldenheart]

Late

Henry Cavill x Reader

Summary: Henry has a reputation that makes you cautious and it’s caused some disagreements. Everyone thinks you hate each other, but maybe you don’t as much as you let on. (fluffy ending, and idk, maybe angst depending on your definition).

Words: 2880

Notes/Warnings: I made this like mid-20s Henry during the Tudors filming, season 1. If I messed up with tenses somewhere, I’d like it of you let me know. I started this story out in the past-tense then changed it to present so I might have missed some stuff when editing, even after reading it 100 times over.

At the sound of the doorbell, you hop up from your sunken spot on the couch. After the day you had, the Chinese food on the other side of that wood slab is the only thing with the ability to help you recover before you must face a fresh 5 a.m. morning with Henry tomorrow.

God, you want that man to fall off the face of the earth. You don’t care if his disappearance meant you would temporarily be out of a job. Being an assistant on the set of The Tudors was something you had strongly considered sacrificing in the past if it meant never having to work with one very particular, blue-eyed, temperamental actor ever again.

You almost quit weeks ago but told yourself to suck it up. You can’t afford to unintentionally cause drama at your workplace, not after your last job; and getting that kind of reputation is not what you are going for. Besides, filming for the first season is almost over, and you will gladly welcome the long break before everyone needs to report back for season two.

The smile you were fully prepared to give the delivery man falls entirely at the sight on the other side of the door.

“What the hell are you doing here,” You huff out.

Henry crosses his thick arms over his even thicker chest and frowns back at you. “I didn’t get my script.”

A headache is already forming just from his proximity and you don’t bother resisting the urge to rub at your temple. “Well, I sent it to your house a week ago.”

“And I didn’t get it, so clearly you didn’t do a very good job.”

With an eye-roll, you say, “Is there some reason you had to come all the way to my apartment and bug me for the script when I will see you first thing in the morning?”

“Everyone else will have had theirs longer, and I wanted to get a good start on learning my lines, so yes, I have a good reason for ‘bugging’ you, Y/N.”

You hate the way he says your name. It passes his lips so softly every time and makes your heart speed faster than your liking. If another man said your name like that, you’d fall for him in an instant, but no, Henry seemed to be the only man possessing that thick, honey-sweet voice.

“Whatever,” You groan and turn on your heel. In your office desk are two extra copies of each actors’ script for emergencies, but a simple text from Henry would’ve sufficed; this is hardly life or death.

‘Hey, never got my script. Can you bring a copy in the morning?’ So damn easy.

You turn your head back when Henry’s heavy footsteps hit your hardwood floors. “Hey, I didn’t say you could come in,” You snap, eyebrows drawn together.

“What kind of person would leave their guest outside?”

The sass in his tone makes you want to pull your hair right out of your scalp. “You’re not my guest,” You say, but your blatant aggravation does nothing to hinder him and his body is a foot away from yours before you know it. Inches he has on you forces you to look up just to meet the smirk on his face.

“Stop acting like you hate me,” He says as he reaches a hand to grab yours.

“Excuse me?!” You quickly swat that hand away. “I am not acting like anything! Any negative feelings you are sensing from me are one hundred percent genuine.”

Henry scoffs and crosses his arms once again. “Oh, please.”

Your jaw drops in disbelief. He is unbelievable. Everything he does, everything he says, everything he is has had the power to make your whole body shake since the day you met him. “God, I can’t stand you!”

Walking away from him for the office, he follows close behind. “You know what, you’re not all that great either!” He yells at your back as you open the drawer of your desk to shuffle through the scripts. “You yap all damn day, talking to everyone else on set and making them laugh! You shoot that pretty smile in any direction and people flock to you like deranged birds!”

“So!” You pull out the script and hand it to Henry. Without giving it a glance, he snatches it from you and tosses it back on the oak wood surface of the desk.

“So? You’re distracting them from their jobs! We could probably get things done twice as fast if you weren’t around!”

“That’s—”

“And you are annoyingly beautiful!” He harshly interrupts. “Annoyingly! The men we work with will not shut up about it and I’m sick of listening to them talk about you the way they do! I end up hearing your name more times in a day than I hear my own, and I get called upon every five seconds! I’m practically forced to think about you!”

You blink at the increase in volume that makes the thin walls of your home quiver.

“I don’t know how many times your face manages to flash in my mind in the course of a week, but it’s starting to get to me!”

Your hands rise in disbelief before they slap back down to your sides. “That’s not my fault! But you’re one to talk! You’re well aware you’re ridiculously, unnaturally hot, and I fucking hate it! The women we work with won’t shut up about you. And you think I’m annoying? Imagine being surrounded by a pack of idiots that go on and on about how amazing you are, when the truth is, you’re so arrogant I can’t stand to be within two feet of you!”

When you try to walk past him, his hand wraps tightly around your upper arm. “Hey!”

“Leave me alone! I hate you!” You snarl at the rage in his eyes and try to shake him off you.

“You don’t hate me.”

You glare up at him. “Oh no?”

He gapes at you, seemingly stunned you have the gall to challenge him. The grip on your arm loosens until you are free. Winding his fingers through his chocolate locks, Henry shakes his head and clenches his jaw. “You are so...”

“So what? So irritating? So infuriating?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“If I’m such a problem, then go.” Ignoring his words, you point a finger in the general direction of the nearest exit.

“You want me to leave?”

“Yes! Of course, I do!”

He quirks an eyebrow and cocks his head. “So you’re going to grab me with your tiny hands and throw me through the front door, is that right?”

“I can’t fucking lift you!” You yell.

“Then I’m staying!”

“I think you’re really not! You can’t just demand to stay here! That’s not how this works!”

“Why can’t you just—God damn it!” He stomps his way back into the living room, script forgotten, and reaches for the doorknob. You follow him and let out an exhausted breath of relief, but Henry whips around to you again before you have time to revel in the feeling. “You know what, no. I’m not going anywhere until we settle this bullshit between us. I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I’m not going to act like I dislike you. I’m not going to keep playing this game, because it’s clearly not getting me anywhere; in fact, it’s doing the opposite.”

“Getting you anywhere?” You mumble.

“This whole thing is fucking bullshit and I’m over it.” He swallows. “Tell me what I did.”

“What?”

“You keep saying you hate me but have never given me a reason, so what did I do?”

Your jaw drops. “Are you kidding? You were just telling me I suck at my job, yet at the same time you don’t think I have a reason to be mad. You glare at me during work, you act like I’m an inconvenience, you—”

“That’s not what I mean.” Henry grabs your hand, and for a reason you couldn’t place, you allow it this time. “At the beginning, when we met, what was it that caused a problem between us? I’ve gone over our first meeting in my head about a thousand times and cannot figure out how I upset you so much that you’re still mad after months.”

You slip your fingers out of his palm, looking to the floor.

“Please just tell me,” He begs. “Please, I--”

“You sleep with the women you work with.” You spit out.

When he stares at you in confusion, you wince and say, “I have this friend…kinda. She was an extra on Hellraiser and claimed that you slept with nearly every woman on set, herself included. When I told her I got this job she said you’d probably try to get in my pants if I wasn’t careful, and I’m not cautious enough about men as it is, so—”

“You were mad at me before we met for something I didn’t even do?” He isn’t angry or looking at you like you’ve lost your mind; more like he can’t believe that was all it was. As if he had a simple solution to the problem that planted its roots deep into the both of you months prior.

“Whether or not you did, it’s not like you’ve been an angel to me anyway,” You say.

“Because I fucking panic when someone I want doesn’t want me! And you’ve made it very clear that you do not want me! You always seem so angry and…and I’m not very smooth, ok!? I say shit I don’t mean!”

“So you do want to get in my pants?”

“No!” He says quickly, then after a beat, sighs. “Yes.”

You give no response, so he continues.

“I swear, despite how idiotic I have acted, I really like you, and I don’t know who your friend is or why she would tell you I slept with a bunch of women on set, but I didn’t.”

You have to look away from him. His eyes hold too much sincerity and all it does is confuse you. You have spent too much time pissed to feel comfortable with the idea that it was potentially all for no reason, so you hug your arms across your middle and take a step back from him.

“Y/N, we need to talk about this.”

You shake your head. “I can’t right now.”

“Y/N—”

“It’s late, Henry. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You won’t meet his stare but can see from your peripherals his head slowly nod. You don’t look up until your front door closes softly behind him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend the earliest hours of the next morning sipping coffee before everyone else arrives for work, wondering if the night before actually happened or if it had just been a very realistic messy mix of a dream and a nightmare.

The sun rises and you watch as it ascends each inch until it’s planted high enough in the sky to warm your skin. He’d be here soon, looking for you, wanting answers for any questions you hadn’t given him the chance to ask.

So, what, he likes me now? He wants me? You can’t wrap your head around it. But you suppose it makes as much sense as you saying you hate him when really what you’ve been is nervous. You don’t want to be used again by some man with more power than you. Pulling yourself out of that hole was hard enough and you have no desire to trip and fall right back in.

“Y/N. You’re here early.”

You jump at the first voice to interrupt the peaceful silence. It was the last moment you’ll have to yourself for the next fifteen hours at least.

Turning your head, you smile at your boss. “Morning, Em.”

“Henry’s here early, too,” She says. “He asked me to let him know when you came in, but seeing as you’re already here, you think you could just head to his trailer now?”

No, you want to say. I’m not ready. “Sure.” You half-heartedly smile, dumping the last of your coffee in the nearest trash can.

Each crunchy step along the gravel to Henry’s trailer feels less sturdy than the one before. Though, he isn’t in his trailer when you find him, but standing out in a grassy patch, throwing a ball to Em’s dog, Leo. It makes your heart pump hard to see him so casually soft. It’s the first time you are looking at him when his eyes aren’t already on you.

Leo loyally returns the ball to Henry three more times before you gather the nerve to step up to his side.

“Em said you wanted to see me.”

You notice him hold in a breath when he registers your voice, then tossing the ball once more, he says, “I’d have gone looking for you myself if I knew you were here.”

You nod, but you’ve yet to look at one another.

“The makeup artists are gonna have a blast today trying to make me look decent,” He says.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t sleep all night. I spent it trying to figure out what to say to you but came up short.”

You scratch behind Leo’s large ears when he nudges your legs with his head. Henry gently grins, though you don’t see it. You shrug. “At least you don’t have as many scenes today.”

Henry chuckles. “That’s true.”

“I couldn’t think of anything to say to you either,” You say.

A moment passes as he blows out a deep sigh.

“Y/N…I don’t want to act like it didn’t happen. I know that’s what is easiest, but I meant what I said. The good parts, not the shit about you sucking at your job. You’re the best at your job.”

Finally meeting his eyes, the corners of your lips curve up just a bit.

“But I don’t expect you to feel the same about me.”

“Henry…”

He shakes his head and throws the ball for Leo after the pups persistent whimpering. “I’m not going to make things hard for you. Filming is almost over anyway and if you want, I’ll try to bother you as little as I can. I’m sorry I’ve been an ass, it’s just…you like everyone around here except me, but I’ve liked you more than anyone else since the moment we met. It’s no excuse--”

“It’s ok.”

He looks at you. “It’s not.”

“It is.” Without thinking, you place a hand on his arm. He stares at the touch you give him as you continue. “I didn’t have a good reason for treating you like I hate you, not really.”

“So, you don’t…hate me?”

“…No.” You look away in shame. “And I have a better explanation for that.”

He blinks, clearly relieved that every horrible thing he figured you felt for him was not, in your heart, the truth. “You don’t owe me one.”

“I slept with my boss once,” You rush out. “And, um…got the same warning as I did with you: sleeps with the other women he works with, will try to do the same with me. He did and I let him because I thought he liked me, but…no. All it did was make me feel like an idiot in the end.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I made a mistake.” You shrug. And suddenly, admitting that out loud, confiding in someone, knocks some of the painful gears in your head loose. You’d never told anyone the truth about your past. “Look, this is going to sound really odd but,” You swallow. “…Don’t stop bothering me.”

“Wait,” He turns his body fully to you. “What?”

Your lips thin, but then you smile, inch up on your toes, and go to kiss his cheek. All you wanted to do was provide a little reassurance, to let him know that you now forgive every misunderstanding between you, but the kiss lands a little too far to the right and covers the end of his mouth.

Immediately, you pull back a few centimeters and feel heat flushing your cheeks, but Henry tilts his head the slightest. He takes a breath, giving you a chance to pull back further, but when you make no move to abandon him, he connects your lips again.

It feels good. He feels good. So good it shocks you how much you don’t want it to end. And when you part your lips and his tongue touches yours, you can’t stop your hands from sliding up his chest before roping around his neck and tugging him closer. Only then does he greedily grab at your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh through the fabric of your t-shirt.  

Leo’s bark separates you minutes later, though you’re reluctant to allow it. You glance at the dog, chuckling at his rapidly wagging tail as he watches the scene before him. But when you look back to Henry, his eyes are already glued to you, their hue a little brighter and a small smile on his face.

“I’ll bother you as much as you like,” He says and tucks a wayward strand of hair behind your ear.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*reposted for tag testing reasons. 

[seulgiology]

that’s my type | jeon jungkook

pairings: fwb!jungkook x fwb!female oc

words: 3k

genre: SMUT with an “i love you” at the end , uwu

warnings: cursing, praise, dirty talk, thigh fucking, pet names, choking, a widdle exhibition, a lil pussy spank, ass slapping, piercings, tattoos (are those warnings?? idk), oc loves to mess with kookie lol save him

a/n: GIF IS NOT MINE! sad yer. admin 1 is sadly alive. HERE’S A REQUESTED JUNGKOOK SMUT, I TRIED MY BEST PLZ ACCEPT MY OFFERING TO YOU @itboykook . Also, i just randomly put two names together, so if by any chance that it relates to an actual idol IM SORRY. anygays, being a student is hard and online school is a lot :))), sorry for my inactivity.

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--

Mid July - 12:03 p.m.

Jungkook fit right in with the rest of you, his quiet, odd, yet lovable personality was enticing and it didn’t fall short from the other 6 guys. 

He was the newest and the youngest out of your friend group, only a junior in college. His adorable teeth whenever he smiled that contrasted with his toned body was so attractive and he knew it too. He nearly rivaled Jimin when it came to visual duality.

You all were on one of the campus’ fields, enjoying a rare afternoon of no classes on your spread blanket. You and Hoseok were trying to play a makeshift game of basketball in the field with a random volley ball lying around and your jacket in a circle as the “hoop.” 

You were both dying of laughter from your failed attempts at playing defense and rolling in the grass like a couple of kids on a sugar rush.

Jungkook was next to Taehyung listening to brief him on everything about you, from your flat feet to your unconventional love for Tom Holland. He was sitting comfortably on the blanket, hands resting behind his back as he watched you and... What was his name? Hobi?  He’ll remember later. 

He couldn’t see you too clearly but he knew you were having fun after hearing your bubbly laughter from the distance. You didn’t seem to be coming over towards the others anytime soon so he thought he’d rest his head on Jimin’s plush lap and rest his eyes for a bit, letting the spring sun beat down on his face.

“Don’t you come over here with all that grass on you, Mae, you don’t know whose child was in there pissing.”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open, and he hissed out at the suns rays blinding him. He lazily shifted towards the direction of the noise and heard Seokjin— Jin grumble to you two. 

You were in the middle of rubbing the loose grass off your jeans when you could feel someone’s stare on you.

Jungkook shamelessly drank in your figure, loving the way your ripped jeans hugged your thick thighs. He could only dream of burying his face in between them and leaving hickies. You were slightly bent over in front of him trying to wipe the dirt off of you, but he had a great view of your full and round ass trapped inside the denim.

Is this what it feels like to look at an angel? Jungkook didn't know what to believe anymore after being graced with your existence. Did he want to worship your body, make you laugh, hold your hand? Or something more? The blood rushed to his center the longer he kept his gaze on you and letting his thoughts take a sexual turn.

You didn’t catch him practically eye-fucking you, but when you looked up and around, you did see him blushing and hastily putting his bag on his lap.

He must be a shy guy. Yet his whole presence makes you want to shut up and be a good girl for him. He was only laying down with his arm propped up for support, and his short black hair was flowing in the wind, making him look goofy with such a concentrating look on his face.

He pretended to be searching in his bag for something as his heart raced when he saw your shadow coming towards him. He tasted the saliva pooling in his mouth at the sight of you towering over him, your nose and ear piercings glinting in the sunlight. 

“I’m Maerin, the only reasonable one here. You are?” You carefully reached your hand out for him to shake with a charming grin on your face, amazed that your friend group just continues to add more attractive men to your circle.

“Jungkook, the other reasonable one here.” You laughed at his statement and his adorable nose scrunched when he smiled with you. You took the vacant seat next to him, and his sight was glued to your physique on your descent, entranced by the minimalistic ink on your arm.

Could you get anymore perfect? Perfect face. Perfect ass. Perfect thighs. Perfect body. Perfect personality most likely. HIs mind raced with thoughts of only you as soon as he took your much smaller hand in his in a firm shake.

He was going to have you one way or another. And that’s a promise he kept. Sort of.

--

Early December - 11:46 a.m.

Those god-awful finals had just ended for you guys and it was time for winter break. It was decided that you all would put in money to go to a ski resort for the break, needing the stress reliever and rest.

And get rid of stress was exactly what you did.

“Fuck, you really don’t know what you do to me,” His hand tightened around your neck in the most pleasurable way, and you were hazy from the dream-like steam the shower was bringing.

He had you pinned against him, his arms held you tightly in place as he thrusted in between your thighs, only sliding his cock against your slick womanhood. You hated not being able to feel him inside you, but he was in heaven when he had you like this. 

Jungkook’s reasonably unreasonable obsession with your ass and thighs played a great part in your friends with benefit arrangement. 

“This is all mine, sweetness,” He grunted in your ear, and all you could do was gasp in response. His wet and wavy locks draped over your shoulder as he sped up his pace, leaving you devoid of any type of release as your thighs tightened around his cock sliding in between them. 

“Jungkook-” You whined to him, upset that he was using you to get himself off. He payed you no mind however, his thrusts speeding up as the unrhythmic slide of his cock in between your folds meant he was going to cum soon. 

"You wanna cum pretty girl? Wanna feel me stuff you so full you won’t remember anything but me?” He moaned in your ear at the thought, torturing himself as much as he was torturing you.

You let out a pathetic but audible yes that you knew had his dimple popping from the grin that adorned his face. You yelped when he manhandled you against the wall and pushed your back down so your ass was to his front. You turned around to see him desperately pumping himself in his hand and his lips slightly parted. The sight had your arousal trailing down your legs along with the water and you licked you lips at his hard cock in his hand.

He pumped his load on your cheeks that were spread for him and he watched it get rinsed away as quickly as it came with the water.

Your body was still on edge when you felt Jungkook rise you up and back hugged you so tenderly, you were ready to fall asleep in his arms at the safety they welcomed. He chuckled in your ear at your languid body and held you tighter. “If you fall asleep you won’t get your reward for being good for me,” his voice was so sweet and you. Why isn’t he your boyfriend again?

“Mmm, really?” You questioned him in a sultry tone, wanting to get him riled up again. You grinded your ass on his hardening manhood and you loved the way he grabbed a handful of it and rolled his hips on you.

“Jungkook, you in there?” You both froze in panic upon hearing Namjoon over the white noise. Jungkook’s finger tips stopped their descent down your stomach and lightly dug in. Shit, fuck, fuck fuck, shit- 

“Yea hyung, I’m in the shower, what’s up?” His voice was unusually shaky to the older man, but he brushed his overanalyzing to the side. “Have you seen Maerin? She said she was looking for you but she disappeared.”

Your heart pounded to the speed the water was hitting you. Namjoon wasn’t stupid, he’d probably figure you guys out, if he didnt already.

Jungkook frowned at you in confusion and you shrugged back at him, your face heating up at the excuse you told the others men to just come see your fuck buddy. 

“She told me to meet the rest of you in the lobby but I wanted to take a shower before leaving. Um... I think she went to get more food before they closed the breakfast buffet.” He lied smoothly, and you sighed in relief and let your grip on hi arm drop.

THUNK!

Namjoon jumped after hearing the load thump and an extremely familiar feminine squeak from the bathroom.

Wait.

Was that Maer—

“Sorry hyung, the soap fell on my foot when I tried reaching for it! I’ll be out soon, don’t wait for me.” He replied in a haste after turning the shower off and giving you a hard look. After hearing the room door close, your body chilled beyond return and your nipples hardened in anticipation.

“You think this is a game, huh?” He tilted your chin up with his cold finger tips and glared at your smirking face.

This was most definitely a game you wanted to play.

—

Late December - 1:30 p.m.

“Who brought the liquor, im trying to get wasted tonight.”

“Jimin, we’re watching Stranger Things.”

“Ok— so where’s the liquor...?”

You smile to yourself at hearing your friends’ conversation, they never fail to amuse you. You were in the kitchen, trying to get popcorn ready for all 8 of you to watch the supernatural show in Jungkook’s apartment.

You leaned on the counter in front of the microwave and listened to its humming as the bag of popcorn started to slowly inflate.

“The guys are here and you have your ass all out like this?” A silent groan left your lips and arousal pooled in between your legs when Jungkook grinded his hips into your ass and grabbed a handful of it.

Your friend group had no idea that you were fucking each other for about 2 months now. It felt wrong to be sexually attracted to each other, especially because you were friends. So you both didn’t want a bad reaction if you told the others.

“Jungkook, someone’s going to walk in—” But you ignored your own words and instead rubbed against him more. You were breathing softly but heavily when you let him cup your cunt through your leggings. He loved it when you wore leggings, it always left little to his imagination when he wanted to guffaw at your legs.

The microwave beeped loudly and it startled the young man behind you into jumping back in fright. Jungkook swallowed hard at hearing your snickering and in a haste, left the kitchen and into the noisy living room instead. He was hard under his sweats, and hated how uncomfortable he was because did it.

They were all seated and prepared to binge watch the latest season of the popular American show when you crept out with two large bowls of kettle corn popcorn.

After they graciously thanked you, you took the obvious seat next to Jungkook on the loveseat. The others expected this, they knew you two were closer than ever. He threw the fuzzy blanket over you both as you cuddled close to the arm chair and put your feet on the other side of his thighs.

Your knees were bent up because you couldn’t fully extend your legs, and it was the perfect position for him to touch you in. He turned to gaze at you under his dark and curly fringe and his earring dangle from the movement.

He discreetly leaned in and whispered, “I dare you to try something while they’re here. Watch what’s going to happen.” The eerie theme song of the show began and you knew for a fact you weren’t going to pay attention. 

You’ve seen the legendary show already. So instead you’d mess with the man directly in front of you.

So for eight long hours you you teased him under the blankets; Rubbing his length with your feet, edging him and never letting succumb to the unusual pleasure. It was exciting to see him sweat while all of your close friends were so close to you yet too engrossed in the T.V. set to notice.

Just as your group was piling out and saying their goodbyes, you suggested that you stay to help the maknae clean. it was late and everybody would be busy the next day but you. 

And Jungkook wasn’t going to let you go that easy.

--

9:54 p.m. [same night]

Your damp forehead was pressed into soft cushion and your hands clutching the closest pillow on the couch as you were hopelessly whimpering for more. 

Jungkook wasted no time in having you ass up, head down with his wet tongue abusing your cunt and giving you a taste of your own medicine.

“You really must think this shit is funny, baby” He said, basking in the taste of your arousal. You whined when he lightly slapped your clit, your hips involuntarily pushing back for more and he arrogantly chuckled at your neediness.

“I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it.” His voice was gruff when his hard and angry cock slapped against your swollen lips, the slickness of it making it an obscene noise.

“Only if you fuck me first.” You breathlessly said to him and wiggled your ass to draw him in even more. His hooded eyes caught the sight and he moistened his thin lips, loving they way your bottom moved.

You both sighed in relief when he finally pushed in, the initial sting always catching you by surprise, no matter how many times he’s done it. 

“Shit, you always take me so well Mae,” He pumps faster, his hips snapping into yours and you cry out from the intensity of it. Your clit throbbed from your fingers circling around it, and your moans were purely sinful. Jungkook loved seeing you like this.

Back arched and your pussy clenching around his length. The way your ass bounced against his hips whenever he thrusted into you. Fuck. His hand came down hard on your already stinging before grabbing them and drilling into you impossibly quicker than before. 

“Please don’t stop!” You cried out, living for the way his dick filled you so fucking full until you you were seeing white. “Look at you pretty girl. You’re such a brat and all I do is fuck you and give you what you want.” He grunted in your ear and kissed right below it, hearing the dangling sounds of your own earrings.

“Ohhh, Jungkook I’m so close,” He huffed before carefully flipped you over and fucked you with vigor, your toes curling and an amazing sensation rushing through you. “Come on sweetness, you’re almost there.” He placed your legs over his shoulder and gripped your delicious thighs so tight, this wouldn’t be the first time you’d see hand prints there tomorrow.

His forehead was pressed against yours as he watched his dick push in and out of your sopping cunt, your cries egging him on to spill inside of you without hesitation.

The feeling in your lower stomach was becoming uncomfortably persistent and with one final rare moan of your name his hips stuttered sloppily and he filled you with his seed to the brim. Your body spasmed around him and your mantra of his name didn’t even let up after you came. 

When you finally came down from your high, your eyes cleared to see the sweaty boy slumped against you, body spent from putting his all into this session.

He peppered kisses along your collarbones and softly massaged your chest as your eyes closed from his blessed hands working on your soft tissue.

He peeked up at you through those unruly locks of his and that boyish charm never failed you whenever he literally did anything. Don’t even get you started on his boxing practices, whew-

“So round two?” He quirked a playful eyebrow at you as his fingers lightly danced over your torso. You giggled when he reached around your waist and applied pressure, the soft skin felt like silk to him. 

“What do you expect an answer?” You giggled up at him, stars in your eyes. You sneakily reached and tickled under his arms, and he let out the most adorable laugh your ears could ever hear. You shushed your laughs with unsuccessful kisses that were even more laughs because of your failed attempts of keeping a straight face.

When he pulled away, his doe-eyes were stuck on your gorgeous face. The way he was looking at you wasn’t unfamiliar, you we’re just too stupid to play it off as the “post-fuck love stare.” But here you were now. Laughing in between his strong arms and pecking each others lips. 

We’ve been friends fucking like this for months and I’m just realizing this now?

“What if I told you that I loved you? How’d you answer to that..?” He trailed off towards the end, his spontaneous confidence wearing off by the millisecond from his impulsive words. 

You could combust with the overwhelming feeling of happiness and your chest felt lighter even with his body of muscle on you. You smiled so wide up at him, you could barely see his own face morph into the dimpled look you’ve grown to love since you first met him. But you still wanted to mess with him for 10 more seconds.

“I would say I love you with all my heart...” 

You think his just dropped to his stomach with the way his face turned ghastly pale and his eyebrows raised in worry. He was not expecting that after your reaction to him confessing his feeling towards you. Was this a joke? But you were smiling... mayb-

“But my ass is bigger.” Your laugh was contagious and he couldn’t even be mad at you cause he couldn’t agree more.

[dinosaurtsukki]

BSD x university au hc’s | pt. 1

hi i am an absolute slut for university au’s in case you couldn’t tell so i just had to write some for my first BSD post. also this is going to be slightly ooc because i am a crackhead

check out pt. 2 here

***********************************************

Atsushi Nakajima:

he’s definitely the kind of guy who still had no idea what he’d take up in university even after he was accepted 

either wants to not major in anything at all or just major in everything because he’s also scared that he’ll eventually not like what he’s majoring in

so for his first two years you’d probably find him jumping around different classes 

also he still calls the professors ‘teacher ____’ like a high school student and everyone laughs but thinks its cute

eventually, because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he decided he wanted to help children by becoming a guidance counselor

he ends up taking Child Psychology and bOY does he love it so much

well he actually just loves all of his classes because Learning is Fun

although because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he’s the one in class that people are all like 👀👀

atsushi: *talking about children’s responses to fear and emotional abuse by talking about his own emotional abuse*

the professor, under their breath: wait, do you need help?? 

i can definitely see atsushi as a Roommate of the Year kind of guy. he’s just so polite and tidy with his room. also he’d definitely be the type to take care of plants inside the dorm room and put them on the windowsill

in terms of extracurricular activities, he’s definitely a sporty type of person so i can see him joining a varsity (something like Frisbee because he likes things that go whoooosh) but he’d probably join a student org that does stuff like community outreach

because of all this, he is a Very Busy Boy but his friends do manage to drag him out to parties once in a while

although atsushi would probably sit in a corner and drink only one beer for the entire night 

he’s notorious for helping drunk people though. most of the time he’ll be putting blankets on people and making them drink water

if he knew how to drive he’d definitely be the designated driver

Akiko Yosano:

omg i’m so excited for this i love yosano so much 

she’s the friend who’s just effortlessly awesome all around and a fricking MED STUDENT to top it all off

she gets a bit too excited when it’s dissection time but it’s alright she has good intentions 

probably the only one in your class who doesn’t go and throw up whenever a cadaver is being used (actually do they still use cadavers i have absolutely no idea)

she also interns at the local hospital as part of her degree program but OMG yosano will not stop telling disgusting stories about the patients she’s had

everyone: *eating lunch peacefully in the dining hall*

yosano: so i pulled a guy’s toe out of a meat grinder this morning

everyone: sHUT UP

for some reason she still has a social life despite being a med student and it’s one of the mysteries of life i guess

yosano LOVES going out clubbing on friday nights. if you have the fortune of being her roommate, be prepared for make-overs and being dragged with her out to the city

she’s such a social butterfly like at every bar you go to, the bartender knows her name and her regular order. she’d probably end the night befriending a couple more people

also she’s amazing at karaoke i kid you not

as for extracurricular life, i don’t think yosano’s the type to join an org that’s related to her major cause like ‘what’s the point?’

instead, she’d probably go wherever her friends are because to her, she’ll enjoy any activity as long as she’s with people she loves

but when it comes to her own interests, i can definitely see yosano as someone who loves the outdoors, especially hiking after having to be cooped up inside clinics

it just makes her love and appreciate the value of life more

Kunikida Doppo:

ok, i KNOW he was a math teacher before he joined the ADA bUT i can’t help but think of him as a political science major ??

i can definitely imagine kunikida as someone who’d want to become a lawyer someday and would take political science as a pre-law

he does like the idea of following in the footsteps of great men but omg kunikida would absolutely hate the exclusivity of white, male political theorists

he is such a good student except for when his professor has some sketchy values then kunikida will !! fight him !! every !! chance !! he gets !!

raises his hand constantly to contradict his professor if they even tRY to defend thomas hobbes and authoritarianism

but other than that he’s probably the most diligent student out there. kunikida genuinely enjoys doing the readings for class and writing essays

also has such a balanced schedule that he can make time for anything and everything

except for when his friends dazai drag him out to parties and get a social life

despite how rigid he is, kunikida has absolutely no problem helping out others with learning. he often holds study sessions in his dorm room or in the library before exams

he also likes to volunteer in tutorial centers because he’s just like that

OH OH some of his ‘students’ suggested that he make crash-course type videos for political science and it took some convincing but eventually kunikida decided to go for it

he’s not the most tech savvy or photogenic person so it took some time for him to get used to things but after seeing all the comments from people who benefited from it, he decided to continue with his crash course videos

whether or not he’s the best or worst roommate is completely up to you. if you like someone who’ll basically micromanage your life from your daily schedule to your study habits, you’ll absolutely love him

he doesn’t like to go out for parties that much but he will if his friends convince him enough (kunikida’s an utter lightweight when it comes to drinking though)

Osamu Dazai: 

i genuinely have a hard time thinking about what this guy’s major would be and tbh even his friends have been wondering what dazai’s major was for TWO YEARS

that’s because he keeps taking the most random ass classes like Basic Pottery or Intro to Molecular Biology in the same semester

idk how he even plans to graduate at this point

although to be honest, i can definitely see him as a philosophy major despite the fact that i LOATHE every male classmate i’ve had who’s a philosophy major (idk they’re always so condescending)

i feel like dazai’s just taking that because it’s somewhat challenging for him but to him, university life is just more of crazy experiences rather than learning

and oh my god has he gotten up to the weirdest shit

the number of times he had to climb gates or sleep on benches at three a.m. is too many to count

dazai also loves volunteering for random things like people’s thesis projects (once, he offered to be a snake venom tester to a bio student and they told him that was illegal) or even being the school’s mascot in games

also he and kunikida probably met each other in freshman year at an intro to philosophy class and oh my god did dazai get on his nerves

what’s worse was that they had to work on a group project together and dazai was MIA most of the time and it drove kunikida crazy

that is until dazai showed up last minute to pull an all-nighter with him for their paper and kunikida just couldn’t help but be impressed by dazai’s ~~intellect~~

they don’t exactly get along but they do have some mutual respect for each other enough to work on projects well

omg if dazai ends up being your roommate I WISH YOU LUCK 

the first time you walked into your room dazai was microwaving a metal bowl and you had to run to stop it in time

also he has a tendency to wear his headphones and sing his favorite double suicide song out loud 

kunikida please come pick him up

Edogawa Ranpo:

i love this one man so much i swear to god 

ranpo is definitely the kind of person who just didn’t like school so when college applications came around he was just like ‘why bother though ???’

his friends did convince him by saying that he wouldn’t have to do subjects he wouldn’t like and just focus on his major (this is a lie btw)

is it a surprise that ranpo would choose forensic science ?? NO

he thinks its cool that he can learn about something he’s already super good at and it just gets him really pumped up to show off how good he is

LOVES getting praised by his classmates and professors

ranpo probably thinks lectures are boring as hell so sometimes he just,,, doesn’t,,, come,,, to class

if attendance IS required you can bet he’s bringing snacks and game consoles with him and sitting WAAAAY in the back of the room

Mukbang at a Lecture Hall with Edogawa Ranpo

his classmates think its cute that he puts on glasses before doing exams or answering his prof’s questions as a way to hype himself up

everyone calls him ‘The Greatest Detective’ and ranpo LOVES IT

despite that, he’s not too overly social he just likes being with his close group of friends UwU

he’s also someone you can drag around to places like the fair or an aquarium, but he’s not into clubbing or drinking for that matter

he DOES enjoy seeing his friends get drunk and mess with them though

ranpo isn’t into joining student organizations BUT he gets scouted a lot by detective agencies and he likes interning for them

i’m saying detective agencies because police are gross

ranpo did end up joining a baking club with the assumption that he would just be EATING the cake and not BAKING the cake

yeah he was just there for less than half a semester

***********************************************

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @tpwkatsumu @laure-chan​

[jamilelucato]

Stay — George Weasley

Pairing: George Weasley x Gryffindor!reader

Requested: yes

hello hehe, i saw ur recent post and can i request a hufflepuff/gryffindor reader? idk but completely uty, also! for song recommendations idk if youre a fan but maybe change my mind or 18 or once in a lifetime by one direction? ahh hope this helps

Summary: (based in Change My Mind, by 1D) y/N is Gryffindor student sad because she’s no longer a first year, but the Weasley twins promised to help her feel like every day is better than the last — and with George by her side, she thinks it’ working.

A/N: Not one of my favs because I just didn’t know how to end? I guess I’m just really bad at writing short fics lol

Words: 2.435

It's funny remembering when you were one of the first years, walking in Hogwarts surprised and excited, staring at every detail and corner, anxious to walk around and discover new things.

But now, as a sixth year, things were slightly different. Firstly, nothing was a surprise — in fact, thanks to Fred and George Weasley, you knew every corner of the castle. Secondly, because you were starting to get sad. You'd soon be leaving, and you loved the school too much to think about a day you wouldn't come back to Hogwarts.

You were watching the kids get sorted — two had already been selected to Gryffindor, and your table was cheering still — when George poked you.

"What's wrong?" he asked, in a low voice.

His eyes were sparkling joyfully, but he seemed worried about you. You shrugged.

"Can you believe that just six years ago, those kids were us?" you said, looking at the new Gryffindor boy, who was happy with his house, "And next year will be our last?"

George proceeded careful, noticing that it was a delicate matter to you.

"Don't think of it like that. We still have a lot to enjoy — it's only the first day of two long years to come," he pointed out with a sympathetic smile. "Stick around Fred and me, I'm sure we'll make every minute an adventure."

His lasts words made you smile. Those boys were generally trouble, but you would give anything to spend more time around them, especially George.

He had no idea of your crush, of course, because you would never gather courage for that. You liked the way you were; close friends to hang around and make jokes. You didn't want to ruin it for a thing you were sure was not mutual.

"Thanks, George," you sighed, giving in. "Do invite me to your messing around," you continued but regretted at the same time.

What were you thinking? That sounded incredibly odd!

"Yours and Fred's pranks, I mean," you quickly added, hoping to have fixed it.

He didn't seem to care, giggling even at your embarrassment.

"Sure, y/N, I'll be in touch."

***

You were thankful for having a friend in Ravenclaw. Anna was a short girl, with freckles all around her face, but she had an extra cute accent. She became your friend after being paired with you to the Transfiguration's classes, and seeing how untalented you were for that class, she offered to help you — in that way, your duo would never be behind.

You two were currently in the Library, going over the last thing Professor McGonagall had taught. We were actually doing well with those lessons, and even Anna was surprised.

"I think my help might be working," she commented, smiling.

Anna had left, she had some things to do, but you stayed in the Library, rereading everything she had helped you study, in hopes to stick the content in your mind.

Fred and George Weasley walked in, with confident smiles. They looked around, and you waited in silence, pretending not to be interested.

George did stick to his promise — every time he and his brother planned some mischief, they asked you to tag along, and you did, happily.

You had lost count of how many pranks you helped them with, but the funniest was, no doubt when they Engorgio Professor Flitwick —he was about to start the class; there wasn't a student that didn't start laughing.

You weren't surprised when they took a turn to your direction. Fred sat at your side and George in front of you, gazing at your eyes.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, gentlemen?" you asked, faking an accent you did not have.

"We need your assistance, ma'am," said Fred, his voice a pitch higher than his brother had become recognizable for you over the years.

"For, so, we have a problem," George continued, copying your fake accent, "and we heard around these parts that you are the one they say is good with the Potions."

You raised your brows, letting your lips shape a smirk.

"I might be able to help you, gentlemen," you said, diverting your eyes to each of the twins, "but I will need to be convinced I will be saved by your secrecy."

"We will make sure thou, miss, are protected," George responded, smirking too.

Fred sighed, giving up the play.

"Ok, ok, now that we have your 'yes'," he said, in a rush looking around to see if anyone could hear you, "we need to start as soon as possible."

The older twin got up, and, with the help of George, they packed all of your spellbooks that were over the table. Fred took the ones that were from the Library and walked to return them to their places, leaving you and George alone for a while.

George took your backpack, throwing it over his shoulder, and he pressed his lips together, as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know if he should.

"What have you guys planned?" you asked. You couldn't stay in silence around George, it made you too nervous.

"Fred wants to prank Malfoy," he said, shrugging, "then we are heading to the kitchen to get some food for Harry."

You stared at him, confused with what Harry Potter had to do with it.

"He had an excellent score at the first task of Triwizard Tournament, remember?"

You looked at him, squeezing your lips together while you shrugged.

"You stayed in during the task?" he asked, losing his smile.

"I had to study," you replied, not really caring about missing the spectacle.

"No, you didn't!" he raised his voice, seeming to be angry. "I thought you were with your friends, that's why I didn't go looking for you. But now I see I should've."

"Don't be too bothered —  I bet Harry was awesome, so I wouldn't have seen anything too new," you pointed out, trying to calm him down and being thankful when Fred reappeared.

"Ok, who's ready?"

***

The potion Fred and George wanted you to prepare was theoretically simple, but it would take at least two days to be ready, so they gave up on pranking Draco Malfoy that night, postponing it to when you managed to finish the potion.

George still looked bummed out for not noticing you weren't at the Triwizard Tournament first task, but he didn't scold you anymore.

The kitchen was rather quiet since the feast was over. Gryffindors were instructed by the twins to eat not much because they'd be able to do it at Harry's surprise party later.

You had a way with house-elves, they seemed to like you very much, and Fred thought it was good to have you around to get extra food.

"Stay away from these, do you hear me?" he said, pointing to some sort of candy he was dropping a liquid on top.

"Sure, chief" you giggled, scared of what magic could that be.

George still had your backpack in his back, even when you said you could carry it yourself.

You three walked in Gryffindor common room and came across a lot of students, wearing casual clothes, all possibly waiting for the party to start.

Fred took the snacks and started talking to Lee Jordan about where to organize everything, but you and George were left behind.

"I'm sorry I missed the task. I didn't know it was that important," you said, looking down, avoiding George's eyes, "I'll be there for the next one."

"You don't have to apologize — I just overreacted," he replied. "It's not up to me if you watch the Tournament or not."

"Don't worry; it's nice knowing you care," you smiled, trying to convince him you weren't mad at him.

He gave you your backpack back, and you rushed to your room to leave it there. Someone shouted Harry Potter was coming and you all stayed in silence, to surprise him.

You were next to George, sat down at one of the couches.

"SURPRISE!" someone shouted, followed by a thousand others, when Harry walked in, followed by Ron and Hermione.

That was the kick the party needed to start. Everybody started eating, talking, joking, some were playing card games by the fire. You didn't get up from the couch next to George, too scared of losing an opportunity to be next to him. But you two didn't stay there for longer. He put your names to the next round of games with cards, and after the game, you were playing judge for the twins — they wanted to see who could eat more in one minute.

"Sorry, Georgie, but Fred won," you said, checking your chronometer one more time.

George didn't look upset, but his twin looked beyond happy.

"I won! I won!" he shouted melodically.

"Maybe a glass of water?" you offered George as Fred walked away screaming.

"Thank you," George said after you gave him the glass. "maybe next time I'll beat him."

You giggled and said, "I hardly doubt that."

"You don't think I could have won?"

"Well, based on the way you were just now, no," you answered.

"You disappointed me," he pretended to be shocked, positioning his free hand over his heart as you sat down next to him. You both laughed hard.

***

The party went on until 1 a.m., but you and George were so focused on your game that you didn't even notice everyone gone.

"Are you guys staying?" Fred asked before going up the stairs.

"We have to finish the game," Geoge answered, not looking to his brother.

You looked at Fred and smiled, "He says he can win me, but that's a lie!"

It was just five minutes after Fred left that you won the match.

"I won!!" you shouted.

George looked worried at you. "People are sleeping, y/N."

"You're just mad because you are not the winner," you replied, crossing your arms.

"I let you win," he crossed his arms as well.

"HA! As if!" you shouted, rolling your eyes.

You both started laughing, so distracted at the moment that you didn't even care that it was late in the night. However, even if you had noticed it, you wouldn't have changed a thing — having George around was I you wanted, you weren't going to waste it.

"Maybe we should go," George said, getting up.

You didn't want the moment to end, so you stayed sitting on the floor, and hugged your legs.

"One more game, how about it?" you suggested, quickly thinking of a way for him to stay. "You can try to win me."

He paused, stopping close to the staircase. You couldn't tell what could be going on inside his head. Did he want to stay? Was he thinking of a polite way to say 'no'?

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course!" you answered without giving much thought to it.

Then it hit you. The way he asked — how his eyes gazed at yours with expectation. George wasn't just asking if you wanted to play again, he asked if you wanted him to stay. It could have sounded simple, but it was far from that — and even if he wasn't thinking between the lines, now you were, and your heart was beating so fast you thought that George had a big chance of winning, but not just the game.

He was still staring at you, but this time, he was sitting on the floor next to you. You slowly let your legs down.

"So, huh, the game..." you said, trying to diverge your eyes from his, but failing.

"The game, yes," he repeated and reached for the cards. "Aren't you tired?" 

Boy, I'm more than wake! you thought but said nothing, swallowing nervously.

"Tired? A bit," you gave in, "Which is lucky for you, 'cause you might be able to win me."

"Maybe I don't want to win you," he says, as if a confession, "not in the game, at least."

You didn't know what to answer. It couldn't be real; you were going to wake up in your room. George, the George Weasley, your crush since he helped you find your class in the first year, was now showing reciprocity?

"George," you used a warning tone, "if you don't mean it, please don't continue."

"What?" you had caught him by surprise.

He was very close to you, your faces just centimetres away and you wondered, looking at him so confused, you thought perhaps you were reading too much into it.

"If you are..." you elaborated, breathing hard with his proximity, "being a prankster right now, if you don't mean what you are going to say, then just don't. Please."

He swallowed. "I'm not pranking right now if that's what you wanna know..." he replied, "unless.."

"No 'unless'. If you mean me, I'm serious. I'm always serious."

"OI! JUST KISS ALREADY!" a voice shouted from upstairs, and you thought it was probably Fred.

You and George exchanged looks, before giggling at his twin. And, catching you by surprise, George reached for your chin, pulling you closer to him. His lips met yours in what felt like an explosion — of anxiety, of desire, of passion.

George tasted just like you imagined it — sweet. But he wasn't delicate; he seemed hungry, hungry to pull you closer, to tie you in his arms, to hold you, squeeze you. You liked that passion, especially because it was something you didn't imagine George like.

His touch, all over your body, sent chills all over your spine, and you wanted more, more and more.

You didn't know how long you stayed there in the common room kissing, but you were thankful to be from the same house as him, in that way, the kiss could last more; you didn't have to rush to your house.

When you finally pulled way was because you were, officially, tired.

"Thank you," you said, pulling away.

"Thank you?" he repeated, in a mocking tone. "I should say that."

You giggled while getting up with his help.

"Same time tomorrow?" he proposed and you smiled, feeling your cheeks turn red as his hair.

You nodded your head a 'yes'.

"IT WAS ABOUT TIME!" Fred shouted again, and you started wondering if he could have watched the whole snogging session.

"Somewhere else, tho," you added, tilting your head towards the direction of Fred's voice, meaning that you didn't want him around.

"Definitely," George agreed, pulling you for just one more kiss before you went to bed.

[nikstersss]

Not How To Pass The PLE

Before I go into the main gist of this post, let me give you a small background story. I was a mid-year post-graduate intern in Manila who started in January 2021. I lived alone in our condo unit near the hospital I went to. My usual routine was to get up early, prep, take a short walk to the trike station where I’d take a tricycle to the hospital, go on duty, insert a coffee or carioca break in between, walk all the way home at the end of the day, then maybe have a short study session with a couple friends after dinner or just chill at home. It was a pretty good setup. But then COVID happened. Suddenly, I was a pandemic e-ntern stuck at home listening to Zoom endorsements and lectures all day. At first I was hopeful that things would somehow go back to normal and maybe I wouldn’t be spending the rest of my internship in front of a screen, but we all know how that turned out. 

I finished the first half of my internship with the regular year PGIs online. While they were prepping for their boards, I was on my second half with the new batch of interns (that’s probably you, dear reader)—still online. Now you might think that it would have been wise of me to use all that “free” time to start early with my own boards prep and you would be correct. I thought the exact same thing. And trust me, I tried. And failed. Countless times. I won’t even try to justify it. Admittedly, I still think it was a wasted opportunity to read more and make notes, but then again, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Besides, while it would have been nice and probably less stressful, I still survived without it. Which means that you can, too. So if you’re one of those who’s berating himself because you “didn’t make the most out of your time”, cut it out. You’ll be fine.

Towards the end of my internship, I enrolled in a review center. Despite the asynchronous setup, the review schedule was super tight and the sessions already started while I was still in the middle of final reports and exams. Needless to say, I was already behind on that before it even began. In fact, I didn’t even get to focus on reviewing itself until maybe around early February because of clearance, paperwork, and application stuff. So if you were to ask me how long I really reviewed for the March 2021 boards, I’d say just a little over a month. Kasalanan ko. Wag po tularan. Stressful siya. Nakakaloka. 

And even when I did get to really buckle down and do some intense reading, I didn’t follow the program anymore. I tried to catch up at first, but I was already way behind. But I am grateful for all the summarized material because that meant I didn’t have to pore over the mother books anymore. What I will say, though, is that because I didn’t exactly follow the recommended study hours etcetera, I was able to enjoy the whole process because I did it at my own pace. Sure, there was still that dread that maybe I wasn’t on the same level as the others, but I learned to tune those thoughts out eventually. And that’s where goal-setting and discipline comes in, I guess. 

The most common question I’ve been getting is what was my day like during the PLE review season. Honestly, I’d like to say I had a routine I followed, but that’s only half-true. While I did have a structure for my day, I rarely followed it exactly. Nevertheless, allow me to share what it would have been like if I did: 

Ideally, I’d wake up at 5:00 A.M. then do my morning routine which included prayer and meditation, making my bed, taking a shower, and brewing coffee. And because I’m the type of person who enjoys these mundane activities and slow mornings, I also took this opportunity to get myself in the zone before all the studying that’s to come. I’d plan out my study goals and outline (something you can do the night before, actually) then maybe have breakfast while watching some videos (could be review-related, or those self-motivational vids, or maybe even Korean street food). I’d do whatever I wanted to wake my brain up without stressing it out too much until around 6:30 A.M. By this time, I’d work on backlogs for about an hour and study until about 10 or 11 A.M.—it depends how in the zone I am. I’d prep and cook lunch and then eat while watching Netflix maybe or even play a bit of Fortnite or Paladins until about 1:00 P.M. At this point, I’m pretty certain to be quite sleepy so it’s either I make coffee or tea, or maybe even go out to study at a coffee shop, and then it’s study all the way until 7 P.M. I then take a break to get some exercise, take a shower, have a light dinner, and if I feel like I deserve it, nap for a little bit. At around 8:30, my family usually calls and then we pray the rosary together. After this, I study again, but more of a recall and review session for the day’s progress until about 11:30. I then have my night self-care routine and then go to sleep around midnight. 

The main takeaway from the previous paragraph? “Ideally.”

During the first few days of setting up my schedule or routine, following it was already challenging, but still doable. But then the backlogs started piling up and no matter how much I tried to streamline the whole study process, I just couldn’t keep up. I did what I could to follow study habits and schedules, but the setup was falling apart. And you know what? That was okay. 

Normally, my type A self would have been so frustrated already with how poorly I was handling my review season. Admittedly, there were a few meltdowns and anxiety attacks as the exam drew nearer, but for the most part, I just let things happen as they did. I still adjusted, sure, but I wasn’t hard on myself for always having to. I kept changing goals when I didn’t meet them (which was probably 80% of the time). There were even instances where I’d finish a handout and then I’d say that okay, I’ll watch an episode for a reward, but that episode became the entire season. While I considered myself to be the most chill reviewee, I also thought I was the worst because I refused to give up any of my wants for my needs. I resisted, of course, but then they’d bug me the entire time I was studying so instead of staying productive, I’d just annoy the hell out of myself. I was probably just lazy and stubborn. LOL. Long story, short, it was a constant battle. 

There were times when I felt confident enough to power through the whole thing. I enjoyed the whole process of studying, actually. Making notes and my own ways of memorizing things was fun. I made use of different study strategies, self-checks, and motivational boosters (more on these on a different post). Aside from these, having review-mates who were just a chat away made things bearable. Breakdown session muna tas aral na ulit. And how could I forget all my sweet friends who would send over coffee ayuda every now and then? To me, passing the boards, while mainly should be for oneself and one’s self-actualization, is also about not letting down these people who have been with you throughout your journey. 

But it wasn’t always a hyped-90s-movie-transformation-montage kind of environment. Other times, I was just worn out and dejected by my lack of progress. In the already meager time I had to study, I still had plenty of off-days. Concepts just wouldn’t stick and it was disappointing how I’d already forgotten what I just read a couple days ago. It got really tiring even if I was staying indoors all the time. I missed the comfort of coffee shops and the company of study buddies. I missed my family. I wanted to hug our dog. There were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to make coffee and open my notes. I even reached a point where I was sure that I wouldn’t finish reading all the material. (I kid you not, I have handouts I never got to open.) 

Yet here I am. Here I am writing about how I survived all that and got those two letters attached to my name. I am not a good example, obviously. There are hundreds better than me and you probably should be taking advice from them instead. I’m simply writing this to tell you that you don’t have to worry. This is all just to ease your anxieties about the PLE. I’m not saying it’s an easy feat that you can just achieve just like that. While I seemed rather complacent, I still put in the work, after all. Admittedly, I know I could have done more, but again, I’m not going to dwell on that anymore. It’s done. 

My goal in writing this is to let you know, my dear future doctor, that you’re going to be just fine. Here’s someone who understands the huge disconnect that stemmed from being a pandemic e-ntern. Here’s someone who’s always been doubtful and full of anxieties about the PLE even before she filed her application at the PRC. Here’s someone who constantly prayed that the PLE be moved even for just a month (or kahit two weeks lang masaya na ako nun) up to the week before the exam along with a rising number of cases. Here’s someone who barely has the capability to maintain focus for more than an hour. Here’s someone whose reading pace was literally at 10 minutes per page (yes, I actually timed it and IDK if that’s slow or really slow). Here’s someone who still allowed herself to study at coffee shops and even have samgyup (with proper health protocols, of course) even if she knew she was drowning in backlogs. 

My point is that if I managed to pass despite all that, you can, too. My close friends know that I developed a rather funny mentality to ease the jitters as the boards drew nearer. I knew and claimed it for myself that I would already pass. I viewed the whole PLE as just a “formality”--a means for His plans of me becoming a doctor to manifest in this realm. I believed it so much to the point that I thought that no matter what bloopers and slip-ups I have during the test, I’d still see my name on the list of board passers. I’m not saying you should totally ease up and just have a come-what-may attitude. Again, I’m not the model student you should be following here. What I’m saying is to have faith in yourself, your capabilities, and in God. So chin up, Doc. Just a little more ‘til you get to legally practice with that MD at the end of your name.

[tylerwritez]

Hey guys its uhhh Saturday July 3rd 2021 9:53 a.m.

I literally got 1-2 hours of sleep •_• because I was up into the earliest hours of the morning talking to Jay and Ariel.

... Its homophobic that Jay was away /j :P and not in my room that night because... how do I say this without saying too much... he turns me on, simple. He's in LEDUC. DUDE. COME BACK I WANT TO FUCK YOU /HJ

I told him this before you guys, but my brain does this thing where it randomly sends me back to some memory and I have to live through the feelings yknow? And I twitch a bit. Well my brain has been sending me back to almost entirely memories of him now. And it's. Not even funny. My crush on him grows...

Oh well, I'm patient.

The forums last night were as usual, unhelpful. My dad looks at me as if I'm a tragedy, as if my skin is a crime scene, and we have a total of *drumroll* TWO COMMENTS! One of them was okay in helpfulness. They mostly just wanted to write about their tattoo cover up of their scars but. They were right about how you are the only person who gets to decide what you think about your scars.

If he thinks of me like that... doesnt mean I HAVE to think of my own self that same way.

So true.

Next person said maybe he doesnt think I'm damaged, maybe hes just gawking at the damage done to me?? And how he couldnt stop it?

And like isnt that the same thing honestly.

Oh hey, yeah I gotta tell you about TODAY. not yesterday or last night.

Well uhm I just woke up on my BEDFRAMELESS BED Cos they packed it and left me with the MATRESS xD (I wonder if this is their way of cockblocking me /j)

I got ready and uh I was told like, GET THE FUCK UP DUDE WE R GOING TO THE LAKE RIGHT FUCKING NOWWW

So I'm rushing 2 get ready... well not really rushing. I don't rush. I was getting ready. I go to brush my hair and theres NO BRUSH. ITS BEEN PACKED???? WHAT???

I did my best with what I had on hand and then we left

I'm in the car with my friend and annoying ass sister right now and I got music on

We got Tim Hortons (muffin + ice capp) for breakfast (already over my cal limit... •_• as if that's getting followed nowadays)

lol I dont usually eat breakfast tho so I'll try to skip lunch or have a light lunch, so it doesn't mess me up.

Right now as we are driving to the lake... it's mostly canola fields. Theres lots of canola grown where I'm from lol, just drive a little bit out and you'll see the fields and fields of bright yellow like millions of little highlighters sticking up from the grass. I cant make them out individually though... still waiting on those contact lenses.

Again, I'm patient.

I don't think we're super far out... I mean theres still lots of cars, signs, farms, roadside ads, trees, uh, shrubs, and if we WERE further out the land would be more bare... #grassland #praries #Alberta

Also the sun just makes everyhting look more alive.

Oh NOO IM DESCRIBING THE SCENERY... boring!

Idk. There isn't much to discuss, I'm just listening to music because I'm content with just that. If I come up with anything funny/Insightful(?) I'm gonna make a twitter draft.

10:17 a.m, signing off temporarily,

Judas/Jude Shepard.

4:25 p.m.

We got to the lake, talked, got ice cream, talked, went in the #water... lake stuff.

My friend was gushing over this guy and like...  DILF. IF YOU SAW HIM... xD of course I'm just looking though. He just had big pecs which is attractive to me, and the overall build with these broad shoulders XD.

Tbh? I know me and Jay are TECHNICALLY not dating, but I feel like I'm dedicated to him. That's probably because of my crush on him but oh well.

I just keep thinking horny thoughts it's a plague within my brainnnnn and I know its his fault

I did end up asking him but by then he had already logged off so.... he'll respond soon and I gotta be ready. It appears that my mom is signing up for a Christian dating app... we'll see how that goes.

As for Jay's responding, I'll just tell him nevermind.

Anwyays we are headed back, possibly to the bookstore, possibly home.

I KNOW I talk a lot about the same things but that's because I'm infatuated with them.

I'm infatuated with... him.

I think of him in my mind and bam instant horny

I'll try to think of soemthing else,,, this is. Uh. Inconvenient right now.

I'll keep updating you though lol.

Hope I'm not annoying talking about Jay all the time.

I AM doing other stuff, I have a life. I just... I guess I unintentionally highlight certain parts a lot.

11:55 p.m.

IM EXHAUSTED GODDAMNIT MY DAD WAS MAD AT me...

... I wanted to ask to go to my friends house tommorowbut my dad is pissed at me for... closing my door??? dude omg hes like “what were you doing for two hours with the door closed” uhm reading? on my phone? jacking off? im a normal person lol. i said reading and on my phone which IS true and he said”sure...” all  sarcastic WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?? YEAH I JACKED OFF???? stfu

hes not even mad at me hes mad cos my mom is goign on a date lolDONT TAKE IT OUT ON ME STFU

I'm dead.

So I didnt ask cos I was scared shitless lmaooo but I have an appointment anwyays so it works out.

I just read a bunch of this comic called outcast. That's it really. Now I'm gonna sleep after I post to twitter a bit...

ALSO I asked Jay finally about uh. Yeah. Scarring. and he said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He said I was hot but then he said that on the other hand it feels weird when he runs his hands over them, but in general, he loves me.

So he said "I don't care if you have scars or not, you're still you"

I love him honestly hes so supportive.

I admit I'm a bit sad thinking they feel weird but honestly? Yeah. They do. I felt up my leg where the scars are to check and it feels like hard ribs/ridges to the touch of a hand but he still thinks I'm pretty so I'm not gonna let the scars get me down. Cos I'm still me. It's just scars. Doesn't affect anything.

:,)

Also erin found a hagstone!!!

Gn,

Jude Shepard

[supersickies]

Summary: “Mini-Boss, I’ve detected that your vitals are irregular and you seem to be suffering from a food induced illness. Would you like me to inform Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY’s voice came softly from above him. Of course it was food poisoning, and on the night that Peter picked the take-out too.”

-

Peter thought his dinner selection was pretty quality, but it comes back to prove him wrong just a few hours later, literally.”

A/N: Me? Posting on Ao3? Me Posting on this account? Unheard of, but stranger things have happened! Anyways the quarantine boredom is taking over so I’m gonna be writing random drabbles for fun so idk enjoy I guess! (you can read it here below the cut or on Ao3 doesn’t matter to me do what you want lol)

        “Oh, kid. I’m really so so sorry.” Tony says for maybe the tenth time that night. The mechanic is sitting on the floor of Peter’s bathroom at the compound while the youngest Avenger expels his stomach contents, again. It was nearing 1 a.m. and the poor kid had been feeling a bit ill since 8. At first, he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, so Peter just opted to call it a night earlier than usual and hoped that sleep would calm the queasiness in his stomach.

       Wrong. He was very wrong.

       After about a half an hour of uneasy sleep, the boy was pulled from his slumber as his stomach flipped uncomfortably. Knowing what was to come, Peter shakily left his bed, seated himself on his bathroom floor, and waited for the inevitable. The inevitable happened less than a minute later. After his first bout of puking Peter still felt uneasy, so instead of making the trek back to his nice warm bed he laid himself down on a plush bath mat and let himself doze and wait for the next round of retching.

       “Mini-Boss, I’ve detected that your vitals are irregular and you seem to be suffering from a food induced illness. Would you like me to inform Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY’s voice came softly from above him. Of course it was food poisoning, and on the night that Peter picked the take-out too.

       “I-Is anyone else sick?” Peter asks the AI, his voice raspy. He thinks back to dinner with Tony, Pepper and Rhodey. He doesn’t remember any of them eating the same meal as him but still, he had to make sure everyone else was alright.

       “Negative, Peter. The rest of the towers inhabitant’s vitals are regular and within safe levels. Once again, would you like me to inform Mr. Stark?”

       Peter sniffs, thinking on it. “Is he asleep, Fri?”

       “No, he and Mrs. Stark are in the living area watching a film.”

       With a sigh, Peter okays FRIDAY contacting Mr. Stark for him. He feels bad that he’s interrupting Tony’s time with his wife, but he knows that he is in no shape to take care of himself. Not when he could barely life his head off the toilet seat to puke.

       It’s not long before Peter hears the tell-tale sound of Tony nearly sprinting down the hall to Peter’s room. It’s a sound he’s fairly used to at this point.

       “Petey? Bud, Fri says you’re not feeling too- oh my lord.” Tony stops, eyes wide when he finds Peter on the floor of the bathroom. Face ashen and eyes dull. Tony was ready to call for an ambulance when FRIDAY interjected.

       “Sir, I believe Mr. Parker is experiencing symptoms of food poisoning, most likely from the gyro he ingested at dinner tonight.”

       Tony coos sympathetically as he lowers himself to sit beside the boy on the bathroom floor. “Did you throw up, bubba?” The man’s hand automatically going to Peter’s hair, knowing it was an action that instantly calmed the boy. With a relieved sigh, the hair petting obviously already working, Peter nodded slightly. Tony nodded as well, taking note of the heat radiating off of the kid. “You think you’re gonna throw up again?”

       “Dunno,” Peter mumbles. “‘m achey, ’n cold, tummy still feels gross.” On another given day, Peter would have been mortified to have said “tummy” in front of literally anyone, but now he just feels too awful to care.

       “Okay, bug. You just rest, I’m gonna go get some stuff to help you out, alright?” Peter nods again and closes his eyes as Tony stands from his spot.

       He quickly heads to the kitchen where he finds Pepper again. She’s obviously concerned, but more or less used to Peter being the cause of Tony hastily having to leave to run to the boy’s rescue. “Everything okay?” She inquires.

       Tony opens with fridge with a sigh. “I mean, could be worse. It’s food poisoning, but the kid just seems downright miserable.” He grabs ginger ale and a water bottle before making his way to the pantry for saltine crackers.

       “Oh no, poor thing.” Pepper says, biting her thumb nail as she thinks back to dinner.

       “Don’t worry,” Tony assures her. “Fri said it was from his gyro, and we all had the salmon salad so…” He trails off, looking at the items he’s gathered but knowing he’s missing something.

       “Heating pad is in our bathroom under the sink.” Pepper reminds him, knowing exactly what her husband is thinking. Tony in return smirks back at her, always amazed at just how much she knew. With a quick thank you and a kiss on the cheek, Tony grabs all of his supplies and brings them back to his kid. He drops the crackers, soda, water, and the heating pad off in the bathroom before going back into Peter’s bedroom and taking a blanket and pillow from his bed.

       “Okay Peter Pan, let’s get you settled in. This is gonna be a long night.” Tony says, softly so to not aggravate the headache the kid probably has.

       Peter groans in response, and Tony just shushes him lightly as he starts to maneuver the boy. Peter is almost completely pliant at this point, so Tony careful raises the spiderling’s head, much like you would an infants, and slips the pillow beneath it. He then plugs the heating pad into the wall and places it over Peter’s stomach, before lightly throwing the blanket over his curled up form. He debated tucking the blanket around the kid, but when the next round of puking comes along, Peter probably won’t have the energy to unravel himself from that. “How we doing now, bud?”

       With his new setup on the bathroom floor, Peter feels much more comfortable, and it’s apparent in his eyes which are now relaxed rather than tensed. The boy hums. “S’okay, s’like a fort in the bathroom.” He slurs already feeling himself drift off again.

       Tony smiles at his success. He wasn’t a bad caretaker, but was was never really his strong suit. He takes Peter’s contentedness with the makeshift pallet as the highest form of praise. “Think you wanna try some ginger ale to settle that tummy?”

       If Peter heard Tony’s jab at him for saying tummy, he didn’t say anything. Most likely because just the mention of sustenance had Peter back over the toilet, gagging.

       “Woah okay, never mind that then.” Tony quips as he kneels back beside Peter to keep the boy’s head up right. “That’s okay, bubba. Deep breaths. Fuck I- sorry kiddo, no more food talk from now on.” The older man cant help but cringe at the boy’s retches, a particularly hard one making the boy’s eyes water. After a little bit the gagging tapers off, and Peter spits the nasty taste from his mouth. Tony lowers the kid back down to his pillow and settles him back under the blanket before standing to grab a hand towel to wet in the sink. He dabs the sweat off of the boys brow and then cleans some of the mess on the side of Peter’s mouth and chin. “Oh, Petey I’m so sorry bud. You really feel miserable, huh?”

       Peter just hums in response, finding his mentors hand and moving it to rest in his hair again. Tony cant help the small laugh that escapes at the motion. “Okay buddy, hand in the hair at all times. Noted.”

       “Don’t leave Tony.” Peter murmurs half way back to dreamland.

       “Wouldn’t even think of it Pete.”

[nathank77]

5/28/24

2:25 a.m

I mean idk if I'm going to respond to the only not fat white girl that messaged me first bc of her no kinks, Jesus christ my lord and savior, no kids/no desire to have kids or adopt, and of course her no car... being in New York, like I have the money to drive to her and then she wants vanilla sex and she doesn't even want children. I want kids.

I mean if I wanted to drop all my money on a girl I would have pursued Jenny harder. She was gorgeous. She had a car. We shared interests and I mean I stood a chance but I knew she wasn't going to marry me and I would have wasted a lot of gas and time driving to her (she had her own place) and I would have wasted a ton of money I didn't have. She wasn't the type of girl who would pay for a guy and I get it, most girl arent but being on disability I need a girl who isn't closed minded on this. Out of state doesn't work unless she comes to me. And being real, the economy is shit- I need a girl in state less than 40 miles away so I can pull my weight too.... cause everything is expensive.

One of the major reasons me and Katie didn't work was bc I wanted kids and she didnt. It was a big conflict for us. We didn't want the same things.

I mean the state and lack of car is enough. It's too bad she's cute. I could, "respect" her religion and just not engage but I'm not adding hundreds of my miles to my car driving to new York and spending hundreds on gas as well as hitting up car repairs from traveling to see her. She's got too many deal breakers..

Maybe I should just take it like this- she's cute and thin and sent the first message. Maybe a girl in ct who is cute and thin will send the first message soon. Someone who isn't a Bible thumper. Someone with a car. Someone who won't kink shame.. someone who wants kids.

I already stopped talking to the no body shots girl.. I mean I sent one message and she responded but I don't want to waste her time. She'll be like I'm "talking" to a guy, no you're being friend zoned. I mean why waste her time?

I would say my new pictures are working but only cause of the cute thin girl. I don't think I would have caught her eye if I hadn't changed my pictures up.. maybe a no glasses profile is in order. I was looking at this hot guy on fb and it's like when he isn't wearing glasses 😍 once he puts them on I'm like ehhh I can't see his beautiful blue eyes. I like to look at people. He is cis. I'm not interested nor is he, I met him through a friend nonetheless he is nice to look at.

Anyways:

This is my only other option:

I bet she didn't even click my link and if she did she didn't even give me 7 seconds. Lol

DESPERATE to leave Africa. She thinks I'm stupid in two ways- I'll give her, her green card and YouTube has analytics... I can see how people get to my channel and how long they watch. What they watch. When they watch. My gaming channel is dead as a door knob.. and it's weird, YouTube advertising stopped all of a sudden, it didn't show up on my analytics much but I haven't seen it in a while. Idk why YouTube was advertising me to begin with I thought Maybe it was her. But idk how anyone could pay for someone else's channel to get advertised anyways. So who knows?

YouTube had a questionnaire a while ago and asked basically if you're a minority and I put trans bc I am... and maybe that led them to advertise it? Idk

All I know is my channel is dead. My trans channel isn't popping like it was but it's still popping.

I don't get why my gaming channel doesn't get more love. When I look up let's say- silent hill 1 good plus alternate ending hard mode. I see like 5 minute videos of the actual ending playing. Or fan made videos commenting on it. It's hard to find complete playthroughs and guides. I have all the same tags and somehow all my videos get put into invisible land and I don't get it bc when I look up these tags I don't have competition. Not really. I have some. But not really especially on Playstation. Hdcp is hard to bypass.... and my content is special bc of that. I get full game guides up of the original games... and somehow I am in invisible land. Also my movement on silent hill is disgusting in a good way... it's too bad no one sees it

I could become the next big guy on YouTube if anyone could find my videos- beyond that I advertise my stuff the best I can between, Facebook (I can't spam obv), reddit, tumblr (I made a silent hill one and posted my video with tags) and then true achievements... I do try to put it out there.

All I know is my tags are good. And my content mostly silent hill is special compared to my competition.. like far cry anyone could post.. but not silent hill Playstation.. the games are rare and bypassing hdcp is hard.

I don't get why I get put into invisible land. Yea my camera is big but that's my watermark I got to protect my gameplay.

Most people can't make James move the way I can..I'd never post a silent hill game or any game without my camera at this point. The stuff I post is good and I can't let people steal my content. Even though no one is seeing it.

Beyond that I posted stellar far cry 2 content without my camera and I'm pretty sure someone stole it. Idk for sure all I know is it's possible and my tags are good... with my camera in the corner you can't steal my gameplay... steal my bo4 stuff idc cause you didn't do it and I'm not trying to be a professional cod multiplayer guy but that's all I'll post without my face in it and only cause I got my try hard face on lol