#so. i'm just leaving it

[girlscience]

Okay. I actually decided to just try brain dumping everything as close as I could get to my unfiltered thoughts. It actually worked pretty good? It is a lot though and doesn't have great grammar or punctuation/capitalization. But I wanted it out of my brain. If you read, fair warning, I am pretty sure this is all stemming from the fact I sometimes read terf blogs because of a long list of shitty self-harmy sort of reasons. And now my brain is fucked up. I am trying to work through it all and idk heal? but it's hard and I don't know what I'm doing. So if that stuff upsets you please don't read this.

have short hair, no makeup, try to dress masculine (totally fail at that). don't look different from other people. just girl with short hair. no binder cause doesn't work and don't like the way boobs look and move smashed like that. no tape bind cause itchy and bruisey and rips skin when removed. use they/them with friends, is fine. use they/them at work, liar. make them use they/them but don't look it so they they think i'm childish. just gnc woman confused about gender. trying to escape misogyny. think masc means not woman. woman feminine. but i don't think that. think women can/should be whatever they want. just capitulating to patriarchy and misogyny and capitalism's desires.

know all this is terf stuff i have internalized. haven't looked at terf stuff in a month at least. got bored and looked the other day but left soon cause it was bad and made me angry. don't agree with what i see there. just look cause it hurts and i like hurting. now hurt every time someone says they/them. that is right and good and should hurt me. but that's wrong. shouldn't hurt. but why they/them? why not okay she/her? why abandoning women when don't even look nonbinary? sure, want different body, but no one can tell by looking and different body not actually achievable and should work to like body as is and not dissociate from it cause never going to be in different body. but also try that with boobs and now attracted to own breasts so. that is awful and not good and feels worse even.

what if no one likes me without boobs and nipples? when would ever be brave enough to get top surgery? if can hide it so easy (cause no one knows i'm gay or trans unless i say cause it's not obvious cause i don't look it and don't act like it and it's not pressing enough that i can't ignore it) then maybe it's not real. maybe i just want to be special different.

make things complicated for other people. ruin my relationships with my family for no reason. until 1900's no one got top surgery. people existed for millions of years with breasts just fine. i should be fine too. i have lived this long with them, why can't i live the rest of my life with them? female goats don't hate their teats (except maybe they do idk i can't read their minds). my cat doesn't try to be a boy (except she is spayed and never met a boy cat so might not even know boys exist and cats don't have gender like humans so pointless to theorize).

just female. learn to be okay with that and be okay with woman. except i try and i'm not. and i think that's wrong cause i have friends who are trans and i love them and believe them and don't think they should be something they aren't. but i am wrong. broke in some way. internalized things from all sides and can't decide what i am or do anything about it until i fix myself. but don't know how to fix so just suffer always. but doing anything till i figure out is bad and hurts me and other people and not a good role model. but i don't exist to be role model for others. exist for myself. but that's selfish and will never help us escape bad systems that are hurting people and the world. and i would be part of that. i would be mutilating myself. what if i regret? still just lying to coworkers. should never have put pronouns on work page. now can't take it back. don't know how. don't want to take it back but it's wrong. but i don't actually think it's wrong. but i am a woman and i should just learn to be okay with that and need to not be childish and stupid and playing pretend and delusional and and and and. just go in a circle and start all over again at the beginning. no escape just round and round.

[riverthebooknerd]

"but why do you even ship them-" IT BRINGS ME JOY AND WHIMSY!!!!!!!

[wanderingcas]

people are really looking at stats to determine if a fic is worth reading? no wonder fics that never got popular at the first drop never had a chance 💀

[arealtrashact]

'The cage is open. You can walk out anytime you want. Why are you still in there?'

[fishofthewoods]

I see a lot of people clowning on the people of Pelican Town for not repairing the community center themselves or clowning on Lewis for embezzling and. like. Those criticisms aren't entirely unfair. But I think instead of coming at it from a perspective of "why can't the townspeople do this" we should be asking "why and how can the farmer do this?"

Like. Think about it. The farmer arrives in Stardew Valley on the first day of spring. By the first day they're obviously different. By day five the spirits of the forest who haven't been seen by the townsfolk in years or generations are speaking to them. By the second week they've developed a rapport with the wizard that lives outside town.

In the spring they go foraging and find more than even Linus, who's spent so many years learning the ways of the valley. Maybe he knows, when he sees them walking back home. Maybe he looks at them and understands that they're different, chosen somehow.

In the summer they fish in the lakes and the ocean for hours on end, catching fish that even Willy's only ever heard of, fish that he thought were the stuff of legend. They pull up giants from the deep and mutated monstrosities from the sewers.

In the fall, their crops grow incredibly immense; pumpkins twice as tall as a person, big enough that someone could live inside. The farmer cuts it down with an axe without even batting an eye. Does Lewis wonder, when he checks the collection bin that night and finds it full to the brim with pumpkin flesh? What does he think? Does he even leave the money? Does he have the funds to pay the farmer millions of dollars for the massive amounts of wine they sell? Or is it someone--something--else entirely?

In the winter, the farmer delves into the mines. No one in Pelican Town has been down there in decades. No one in living memory has been to the bottom. The farmer gets there within the season. They return to the surface with stories of dwarven ruins and shadow people, stories they only tell to Vincent and Jas, whose retellings will be dismissed by the adults as flights of fancy. People walking by the entrance to the mines sometimes hear the farmer in there, speaking in a language no one can understand. Something speaks back.

The farmer speaks to the the wizard. They speak to the spirit of a bear inside a centuries-old stone. They speak to the shadow people and the dwarves, ancient enemies, and they try to mend the rift. They speak to the Junimos, ancient spirits of the forest and the river and the mountain. They taste the nectar of the stardrops and speak to the valley itself. They change Pelican Town, and they change the valley. Things are waking up.

And what does Evelyn think? She's the oldest person in the valley; she was here when the farmer's grandfather was young. (How old *is* she, anyway? She never seems to age. She doesn't remember the year she was born.) Does she see the farmer and think of their grandfather? Does she try to remember if he was like this too, strange and wild and given the gifts of the forest?

And does their grandfather haunt the valley? He haunts the farm, still there even after his death; his body died somewhere else, but his spirit could never stay away for long. Does Abigail, using her ouija board on a stormy night, almost drop the planchette when she realizes it's moving on its own? Does Shane, walking to work long before anyone else leaves their house, catch glimpses of a wispy figure floating through the town? Does the farmer know their grandfather came back to the place they both love so much?

Mr. Qi takes interest in the farmer. He's different, too; in a different way, maybe, but the principles are the same. They're both exceptional, and no matter what Qi says about it being hard work and dedication, they both know the truth: the world bends around the both of them, changing to fit their needs. Most people aren't visited by fairies or witches. Most people don't have meteorites crash in their yard. Most people couldn't chop down trees all day without a break or speak to bears and mice and frogs.

The farmer is different. The rules of the world don't work for them the way they work for everyone else. The farmer goes fishing and finds the stuff of fairy tales. The farmer goes mining and fights shadow beasts and flying snakes. The farmer looks at paths the townspeople walk every day and finds buried in the dirt relics of lost civilizations.

The farmer is a violent, irrepressible miracle, chosen by the valley and destined to return to it someday. Even if they'd never received the letter, they would've come home.

They always come home eventually.

[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[minnow-doodle-doo]

What if you were trapped in Gotham and the only other human there was someone just like you??

[lotus-pear]

mourning black and the death of ideals

[paintedcrows]

Some Fords! (and Martin K Blackwood is also there)

[solroskajan]

I refuse to belive Uzi can't easily carry N if she wants to.

[sysig]

Permission to headbutt: Granted (Patreon)

[originalartblog]

Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.

If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

[isjasz]

[Day 341] Despite everything

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

posting this with absolutely no context