#so. I will indulge in fanon a LITTLE bit. as a treat. for me

[ratcandy]

its really funny how the fandom saw leshy interact with this yellow cat from a small short like, once. and everyone in the fandom immediately not only latched on to them, but also collectively decided that this yellow cat is a friendly, oblivious dork.

I'm taking it as being so fucking starved of character interaction that we're just taking the first hint of anything we see and booking it . as fast as we can. In any direction

and obviously the yellow cat is that way they are One color off from being orange. That is how orange cats are <3

[a-doubleh-x]

Why I like Charlastor

The other day I noticed there was some negativity in the Charlastor tag, including antis and people feeling the need to defend against antis, so I thought I might as well take a step back and just write candidly about why I like the ship.

I only got into Hazbin in October of last year, but already it has inspired me a lot to write and fantazise about it. Like most people, I started with the classic "they look cute together", but as I kept looking I couldn't help but think there was something else to these two than first met the eye.

For starters, I love Pollyanas! I think they get a bad rep for being naive, but I just appreciate an optimist like Charlie who just wants to make people around her happy because it makes her happy. I also like bad boys 😳 I'm a pretty heteronormative guy, so I haven't had a big chance to explore that part of myself yet, but I do like the danger and excitement someone like Alastor brings to the table.

I will admit when I started writing Charlastor I felt like I was handling dynomite. It's a lil scary to ship a boundless altruist with a manipulative sociopath, but bear with me.

I think each of them has something the other needs. I think Charlie needs someone to challenge her, someone to steer her in the right direction while she's mostly isolated. At the start of the series, practically nobody but Vaggie takes her seriously, and Alastor is no exception. He mocks her, teases her, but she still listens and I think it's because somewhere deep down she understands there's something he's trting to communicate in his annoying, but curious way.

Of course, I also love the fanon Charlie who's down bad for Alastor, and even if that Charlie is a little naive, I think it's also sweet and she can use some indulgence while most people treat her like a child.

On the other hand, when it comes to Alastor, this is a bit of a theory on my part, but I think he's secretely lonely. He has friends, certainly, like Rosie and Mimzy, but they're not good enough friends to live together with him. They don't seem to be able to save him from "pure, absolute boredom". But Charlie, for some reason can, even though she's a stranger at the beginning when Alastor chooses to move into the Hotel.

Alastor is not as much of a cynic as someone who chooses to see things in a perspective that benefits him. He doesn't think redeeming sinner is "hopeless", but "hilarious" instead, which has interesting implications to me. That's why he chooses to hover around Charlie, not because he thinks she's lame, rather because he thinks she's silly. She makes him laugh. Which I think is kind of how Alastor sees "love".

And then you have fanon Alastor who, depending on the writer, is either a horny animal, a wisecrack edgelord or a soft boy who's mean to everyone but Charlie XD I like several of those interpretations, but I kinda prefer mine just out of personal taste. I think the best part about Alastor is that he doesn't *care* what anyone thinks of him and always does what he wants, even at the expense of other people, which I find pretty enviable.

They're kinda both outcasts in their own ways. Charlie by being unable to fit in and Alastor being unwilling to compromise. But they don't judge each other. He supports her in his own weird way and she houses him and is delighted of him in general, which is tasty food for his ego. I do wonder why Alastor is interested in Charlie, both in canon and in a fandom vacuum.

There's some cool potential for drama there, but also growth and healing, in my opinion. Personally, I think Alastor doesn't want to actually *hurt* Charlie, but he may hurt those around her, which will be a moment to start settling compromises if Charlie puts her foot down.

That haz bin my review so far! I'm honestly pretty grateful for Vivziepop for all of the work she's done so far, I know directing, animating and writing two shows over the course of 5 year or so ain't easy. I'm also grateful to the fandom who shares their thoughts and vision, which calms the terrible voices I started hearing in my head since I bought this weird old radio.

I'm in the middle of a break, but if you're interested in my fanfics I'll get back to writing very soon. Cheers! 🌈❤🦌

[viiktorious]

FOUR YEARS OF NOXTMS MEME: SIX CHARACTERS !

aka. sam rambles like an idiot about her love and appreciation for some characters within noxtms ... this is only a very short list, because frankly i love them all.

i'm gonna be very honest here and admit that i had such a hard time choosing between all your characters. i had a little preliminary list that i was intending to narrow down but then you posted that one question about fenrir greyback and lavender suddenly just jumped out to the very top ! i just ... LOVE your take on her, genuinely. i don't think i see enough of the 'actually my past / trauma DID leave a mark on me [ a tangible and ever-present one in her case ] and it changed me and i'm bitter about it' trope on the rpc ... not well done anyways, but you ... you've done it beautifully ! and with a character that is often played in a very different way. it's such a funky fresh touch. i want you to know i eat up every single one of your lavender replies, i love love love her. <3 ( @hoggleswart ) okay so maybe i cheated a little bit adding both of your characters here ... i would like to not make any comments about it, your honor. <3 but can ANYONE blame me ?! tempest and dudley are SO widely different and amazingly crafted. i just ... couldn't choose. i often forget that the way you play them is all your personal take ... especially with dudley, my mind already replaces him with your version in canon / fanon verses. seeing them on the dash it's always a little treat that i will indulge in no matter what i'm doing. ( @rebuildeds ) the first time i read her bio it made me feel very 😔 poor girl has gone through so much since a young age, and even though it did left its mark she's still ... so sweet, and has this huge bubbly personality that you have no choice but to love her !! every single one of the interactions that include her have been so refreshing to see and with that in mind i can't wait to see how you develop her even further and how she grows within the rp !! <3 ( @hcldmybroom ) kaela<3 is probably on my top three favorite characters i've had the joy to see you play and the blessing to interact with. i feel like it'd have been very easy to fall down the 'mean one-dimensional character' hole but of course that was never gonna happen with you as her writer !! i'm always amazed by your firm grasp on her personality and actions, and how easy it is for you to just know. kaela is so unique and interesting, i can only imagine how much fun you have playing her but i can say it is so so amazing to watch her<3 ( @taciiturns ) rachel you were also someone i had such a hard time choosing a single character for ... you have so many gems in nox and i've been blessed to see the ones you've had even outside of nox too !! your mind and talent never ceases to amaze me. your way with words is stunning and it's why i always say your mind is so sexy !! i feel like in this case it just had to be ginny, the first one within nox<3 you've made her your own in a very especial way that i think your version IS now canon in my mind, no matter what anyone says. the one and only ginny weasley, best one ever in the entirety of the rpc !! ( @petriichvrs )

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

✨im mentally ill about nightwing/dick Greyson once again ✨

Disclaimer: this is once again self indulgence and my grasp of canon vs Fanon is shaky. hear me out dick Greyson struggling with fatigue, especially because im insane and really like the adhd head canon so its like somedays everything is way too much but he continues on, head ache, missed breakfast, coffee doesn't work for him. all the fun things I just think it would be neat if as rightwing hes uses all his energy there keeping all the things hes doing running constant checking and double checking, reminders, every strategy in the book. so when it comes to his personal life he just has far less to give realistically but he tries anyway. hes constantly moving. I think it would also be silly goofy of him to have problems sleeping because a lot of people with adhd have trouble sleeping due to the brain not really turning off, along with other things that he might have because adhd us nothing if not a team player in terms of what you can pack with it in the mental illness lunch box. like restless leg syndrome. anyway I think dick having to slough through his regular life, constant headaches, fatigue, sleep problems, worsened symptoms would be neat ghrdinfsejd a little bit because im projecting I just feel like yeah I know hes a super hero and part of that means theyre more fantastical than a real person, I just think its neat to make him a bit more human. anyway, I just think dick is always on, all the time hes never off, like part of adhd at least for me is that being in public for a long time is fucking exhausting, I can hear and smell everything, my attention keeps drifting and the texture of my pants are off and I hate it. so I feel some days he just, sits in his apartment in the dark, because the lights are too harsh right now. I feel like he would struggle a bit with keeping personal relationships, especially if he doesn't see them for a while because adhd object permanence is garbage, but I feel like he would set so many reminders and shit. like adhd dick to me is just, over compensating to the point he runs himself into the ground, or going out with a bang(the emotions really can dysregulate). and like I think he would probably have undiagnosed adult adhd so its an extra layer of “there's something wrong with me other people can do this task with ease but I need like 13 alarms and I still haven't charged my phone and im have a depression spiral in the bath tub at 3 am and I haven't slept well in threee days but it's fine because im going out at some??? point shit I need to check my calendar, oh fuck I haven't eaten in a while, what was I thinking??” that and heavy ass brain fog on really bad days. bur also he would probably pump out a shit ton of like reports or smth in like 3 hours(this is from experience and observations, my mom who has adhd used to do the work of like 3 people before being medicated) that and  think dick would have the messiest house full of shit from pass hyper fixations, and lack of executive function(the dishes haunt his ass) which would feed into the 3 am depressive spirals. im just saying dicks got the superhero part of his life together but the civilian life is absolutely in shambles and the only reason it isn't all falling apart is the extreme anxiety and fear of failure/disappointment because agin RSD is a bitch. this also means  adhd dick Greyson has the habit of playing one song over and over again for hours until physically ill of the song. like I think dick would try to appear somewhat toether as a civilian (shoving shit in the closet anytime he has guests over, throwing things into huge garbage bags and then the closet, hiding shit under the bed, closing off rooms as off limits bc its full of garbage) because he doesn't want to be judged. like I think dick falling apart bit but being used to it is a silly goofy lil treat, for me <3. once again projecting onto him, I think he would space the fuck out during like commute, like hes still somewhat aware bc like bat training but also like ten thousand thoughts are fighting for dominance and the brain fog is coming in hard and this head ache wont leave and- anyway thank you for coming to my insane self indulgent ramblings about dick Greyson 

[pariahsparadise]

it's you

nav. | m. list

word count- 0.8k

pairings- rafe cameron x fem!reader (pronouns aren't specified but that's what i had in mind while writing this)

author’s note- i love this man so much. like he's toxic as hell in the show but fanon!rafe? wreck me.

warnings- ooc!rafe, implied sex but nothing too explicit, a kiss, a shitty ending (who's surprised?). unedited

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

The first thing Rafe wakes up to are your hands, carding through his hair.

He stills immediately, keeping his eyes closed, feigning sleep. Last night with you was unplanned, uncalled for, stupid even.

But fuck, that was the best sex of his life.

Truth be told, Rafe's had feelings for you for a long time now. Disguising it with a snarky comment and a sharp insult here and there, he never expected anything to come of his little crush. Little did he know, you've always felt the exact same way.

The two of you had stumbled into his bedroom last night, so drunk you wouldn't have been surprised if you bled alcohol. Hushed kisses and hot whispers had filled the air, as the two of you finally indulged in your secret desires, and explored each other's bodies freely. The alcohol stripped away all logic, leaving no boundaries between the two of you.

For one night. Last night.

Rafe's heart thumps harder as he tries to understand what this means for the two of you. Did you regret it? You can't possibly, he refused to fuck you until you gave him verbal consent. Then maybe-

His thoughts are called to a halt as he hears you speak, the soft tone of your voice relaxing his mind completely.

"I'm such an idiot," you whisper quietly to yourself. You haven't realised that Rafe is awake, and a knot in his chest loosens. Only to tighten again in the next second, his heart thrashing loud as drums as you lean your head forward to kiss his neck gently.

"It's you, Rafe Cameron," you whisper against his skin, fortunately not noticing the goosebumps your lips leave in their wake, "It's always been you."

You pull back after around half a minute of nuzzling into his neck, and Rafe could not be more thankful. He's well aware of his racing heart, and he's certain you would've noticed the speed at which it derails had you stayed close to him just a few seconds longer.

To his dismay, you get out of bed and start retrieving your clothes from the room. You sigh when you finally locate your underwear strewn under the bed- ripped- but he can tell you aren't really that mad about it. Rafe waits till you finish getting dressed, unsure if he'll be able to control himself if you aren't, before finally "waking up."

"Hey," he says blearily, his morning voice nothing but a deep rasp. You jolt, but when you turn back to him, your face is completely devoid of emotion.

"Hi," you say back passively, "I hope you understand that last night changes nothing. It was probably a mistake, and it will definitely not happen again."

Rafe simply blinks, opening his mouth to call you out on what you said earlier, but shuts it a few seconds later, not ready to give himself up yet. Instead, he nods mutely, not blaming you at all for the way you're treating him. After years of torture and fights, it's probably what he deserves, and he doesn't blame you one bit.

"Okay," is what he finally responds with, laying back on his pillow with one hand behind his head. He watches you scour the room for your purse, straightening up triumphantly after you pick it up off the floor.

"Goodbye, then," you say, as if informing him of the weather forecast.

And maybe it's the slight flush on your cheeks as you say it, maybe it's your unsure glance back at him, but it's enough to make Rafe leap out of bed.

He reaches you as your hand goes out to open the door, and he grabs hold of it instead. Twirling you around into his arms, Rafe smashes his lips on yours. You gasp into the kiss, your purse dropping from your hands, but you don't place them anywhere on his body, where Rafe desperately longs for them to go. He simply takes this as motivation to kiss you harder still, his hand leaving your own before coming up to cup your cheek, the other travelling to the back of your head to hold you in place as his mouth slots with yours. His fingers tangle in your hair, and it's only then that yours wrap around his waist, pulling yourself even closer to him.

The two of you break apart eventually, breathless, and Rafe huffs a laugh at your little gasps for air. Picking up your purse and handing it to you, he pushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear, leaving a kiss softly where his finger touches.

"Drive safe, okay?"

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Chapter 299: Despite everything, it’s still you.

Omg, there’s so much to talk about. We go so many answers this week and there's so, SO much to talk about. Ok, let’s just jump in!!!

Let’s go ahead and start from the beginning and work our way forward from there, starting with his parents.

Us: Horikoshi, can we have super cool Thief Takami?!

Horikoshi: We have Hawks’ dad at home.

Hawks’ dad at home:

Played like a fiddle, and I think we knew it was going to happen, too. LOL I will only give Horikoshi the one criticism that relying on vague details like “thief and murderer” next to Compress‘ reveal was an unintentional red herring for a lot of us, and the name “Takami” which came from his father clearly mattered, but not in any way that we expected. He was just some paranoid, two-bit wannabe thug.

So paranoid that he never let Keigo leave the dilapidated house where even the unnecessarily mean barbed wire fence was deteriorating, possibly making him go barefoot at all time to discourage him from leaving but definitely neglecting him and his needs for clean clothes that fit and a home that isn't filthy as he occupied the only space he allowed him to exist in while he sent his mother off to do his bidding.

In other words @sleepwalkersqueen's Shinyo is an infinitely superior. We're keeping him. Sometimes fanon is better.

No, it turns out the person that molded his worldview most and impacted the way he viewed himself was his mother. It was even her quirk - a disembodied sense that could watch from far away - that transformed his father's otherwise feeble, rigid feathers into the fantastic, one-of-a-kind quirk he has.

Hawks was not an accident. He was a band-aid baby she had to try to get Takami to stay with her because she didn't know how to live without him. She doesn't come to her baby's defense like Rei did for her children. When the father of her child beats and screams at him, she doesn't even turn to face the scene - it's only when he expresses dissatisfaction with her and his life in that house does she respond, and even then it's with,

"Don't leave, ok?"

Not once.

But twice in as many minutes.

It's why when she panics and realizes that having Keigo didn't work to keep him there with her, and not only that she's on the run for staying with him with a ball and chain now also around her ankle she asks:

"Why were you even born? Why do you even have those wings? You aren't useful or any good for me or anyone else. You're a waste of space."

Tomie was a woman who placed her worth in the validation of a man happy to use her for the value she could add to his criminal enterprises and nothing more - a woman frail of heart and mind who asks her small son what to do instead of assuming responsibility.

She doesn't have the strength of will to accept that she had a role in her own fate and especially the fate of the son she brought into the world.

But that doesn't mean she doesn't love him.

Hawks remembers this moment as his mother indulging him once to shut him up after his father insisted he never so much as leave those four broken walls; but that's not what's happening here at all.

She doesn't say, "Don't tell your father." She says, "Your father doesn't need to know about this."

This is a treat - given to him for no reason than to spoil him a little bit. She doesn't realize he doesn't even register that heroes are real people when she buys him that plushie. He sees just a cartoon character she says is strong, and she's encouraging him to be the same to give him hope and an ideal to strive towards even if it slips later. This moment is for him and him alone.

And when he realizes that heroes are REAL people, who REALLY do make a difference, in ways he may not see but clearly impacts him ANYWAY!?

It's LIFE CHANGING.

Life isn't a bleak dead-end series of disappointments. He can fight back against the hurt the world dishes out and help people, too, so they don't have to suffer like he did. He can be a shining light as bright as the man who brought light into his dark world even from so far away!

It's a shame that he also inherited his mother's sense of self-worth and believes to this day that his worth lies in being useful to others. As long as others suffer in any way, he won't find peace in his existence.

There's more to talk about, but I'm already at the image post limit and have as much to talk about, so I'll post this here and reblog with the continuation, so keep an eye out for it in just a moment!

[wishingstarinajar]

I am going to ramble a bit but I will hide it under a cut because it's a bit long. It will be about the previous fandom I was active in around two years ago and how it affects me to this day. It's also about popularity and putting others on a pedestal.

If this sort of ramble isn't up your alley then feel very free to skip over this post! I don't mind. If you want to read more about it, just check under the cut.

The Franchise And Its Creators

====

THE FRANCHISE AND ITS CREATORS Around mid-2014, I joined the Wakfu and Dofus fandoms, a small-ish fandom as a whole but popular in certain circles.

For those who don't know, Wakfu and Dofus are (online, console, mobile, figurine, card and board) games, comics, animated series, specials and movies created by a French studio named Ankama. These two franchises are intertwined with each other as they play out in the same universe but in different timelines. I myself dabbled around in the animated part of the fandom; I was a huge fan of the two series and the Dofus movie.

There was very little catering to the international part of the fandom when it came to the studio's attention and interactions. There were no English dubs or subtitles; international fans had to rely on English fan subtitles on ripped/pirated episodes of the show and movie, same for the franga/comics. Merch was hard to get. A lot of articles related to the shows and whatnot were in French only, which is understandable because it is a French-made product. But there's no denying that the international fanbase felt a little neglected back then.

====

MY FANDOM JOURNEY

Because I was very interested in the lore of both franchises, I had to do a lot of digging and translating to be able to fully indulge in it all. I went full in! I dug deep, created OCs, art and also tried to write fanfiction. I also shared news and info about the series and movie; I ran a fan blog dedicated to sharing things with the international part of the fandom. I was also often approached about lore, particularly for a few of the canon characters and one of the races that play a role in the Wakfu franchise; the Eliatropes. It was fun, it felt good to help other fans out, it was nice to make friends and be creative with others about similar things.

Eventually, the character and art theft began. We all know this is a 'normal' part of fandoms, so I won't hammer too long on it. My issue with it was the fact that my main OC, a female Eliatrope, gathered a lot of attention because female Eliatropes were a rarity in the Wakfu franchise. They existed but didn't get a moment in the limelight, except for one that even received her own game (Islands of Wakfu) but it was so obscure that a lot of fans didn't know about its existence. My OC was somehow mistaken as canon by plenty of folks and many others started to use her as a template to create their own (female) Eliatrope OC. I didn't mind, as long as they weren't straight-up copies and I tried to be supportive by answering lore questions and give feedback whenever it was asked for it (which happened a lot). Of course, copying and theft happened more often than not; over the five years I was part of the fandom, I sent out almost a hundred DMCA reports for art and character theft (like true theft; I could handle some similarities or one-time occurrences). One particular case went to the extreme but I won't beat that dead horse any further; it brought me enough misery to last me half a lifetime, that's all I'll say on it. I kept a lot of the negative experiences behind closed doors and dealt with a lot of it quietly to not bother, worry or burden anyone else with any of it. I wanted a positive and supporting environment for my followers, even if the truth wasn't as pretty.

====

ANKAMA'S STRUGGLE

Over the years, studio Ankama increased attempts to cater more to the international fanbase of its animated properties (articles in English, English dubs and subtitles, etc). However, the studio's struggle to garner the attention of international supporters (aka companies and sponsors) didn't go too smoothly, and to make matters worse, they were also struggling with finding a platform in France to broadcast the Wakfu series on after wishing to take a different and more mature direction. Ankama wanted more freedom with the Wakfu show, like less censorship, a serial rather than episodic, and it not being aimed at a young audience like its previous contractor demanded Wakfu to be. Ankama even turned to crowdfunding to get certain projects (like new Wakfu seasons) off the ground and let's just say that those crowdfunding projects are best described as tiny dumpster fires; they weren't pretty to watch. The first one was a disaster with plenty of displeased backers and the following crowdfunding attempts often didn't meet the end goal due to bad past experiences or the lack of interest.

Luckily, Netflix breathed some life into the international Wakfu fandom, which was great! But it was still received badly (mostly due to the awful English dub and sound mixing of the first two seasons and special) that the third season Netflix made possible was not getting the attention it deserved. It was also a rushed product due to financial and time constraints on Ankama's part. Netflix eventually declined a fourth season and it all fell a bit apart from there. Ankama turned to crowdfunding once more to try and make season 4 a reality. Last time I checked (which was quite a while ago), it did decently enough to make season 4 a reality. (Please don't ask me about it, I don't know anything about it.)

====

THE PEDESTAL

While all this was happening behind the scenes, I was starting to struggle with the reputation I built up in the Wakfu and Dofus fandom over the few years I was a part of it. The best way to describe it is that I had grown exhausted.

Aside from dealing with the theft and answering people's questions daily, I wanted to be treated as an average fan but I kept getting put on a pedestal. People went as far as to call me by titles (like lady Wish and miss Wish) more often than not. To be called and treated as such made me feel alienated, like as if I wasn't considered real. I often asked to just be called Wish, no titles/formalities required, and that I wasn't as 'popular' as they believed, but the majority of the people didn't seem to listen. People were either afraid or refused to interact with me because they considered me 'too popular', or simply wanted nothing but my validation, feedback and/or free art. I also had my fair share of haters and people that didn't approve of my 'status' in the fandom. Join the club xD I wasn't very happy with it either.

I really started to dislike being called 'popular' because it had such a bad impact on the people around me (and my own mental wellbeing). Friends started to become jealous of the attention I garnered and it dragged me down every time. At times, it would turn toxic. It was never my intention to make my friends feel like they meant less because they surely didn't. To learn that they believed others were only friends with them or only looked at their art/writing because they were good friends with me hurt so much. It still does. I refuse to believe that was fully true because I was (and still am!) surrounded by very creative people and they all deserved as much attention as I was getting, at times more. I wish others saw it that way too.

I was also heavily chained down thanks to the role (model) I played in the fandom. Too many people (especially young ones) looked up to me and there were a lot of expectations that I felt forced to meet. I started to lose the energy for it, but if I dared to stray a little from the path, the pitchforks and torches would come out. It was very restricting.

In the end, I felt stuck. Things started to grow toxic. There was a point where I began to dislike the franchise because of the bad feelings it brought me. I couldn't even get myself to watch the series or movie anymore. I focused less and less on the canon side of things and more on my own ideas, which was one of the only comforts I really had left in the fandom. I started to shut myself off, which upset a lot of people. I am sorry for that, I wish it didn't happen that way but I was at my wits' end.

When I realized and also accepted that I was no longer enjoying myself with canon or fanon, I knew I had to move on or stuff would end badly. It was a very tough realization and decision to accept and make; I literally dedicated five years of my life to the fandom. I spent hours a day digging for info and news to translate and share, doing 'research' for my fanfics, answering questions, and whatnot. I truly lived the fandom day in and out. It was the first fandom I ever actively participated in to this degree. What the heck was I going to do without that?

====

THE NOW

Abandoning the fandom was a scary step to take but not one I regret. I left the Wakfu and Dofus fandom behind me in late 2019. I feel freer now and so much happier. I no longer have the burden of expectations, being a lore guide or be forced to portray a certain role model weighing me down. I am no longer on that f*cking pedestal. I can finally explore interests that aren't exactly child-friendly without a big part of my following pummeling me down for it. (Don't worry, I always try my best to keep it in the appropriate places.)

Do I still like Wakfu/Dofus and all the stuff I've created with it? Yes, I do but I also want nothing more to do with it. Aside from the friends I've made there and also stuck around on my new adventures, I left the fandom behind me.

I still get approached at times about how my Wakfu OC, art and writing inspired someone and ask me if I could give them feedback for their own ideas or give them advice/information on Wakfu/lore. I am extremely humbled by it every time. It's great to see someone feeling inspired and be creative. However, I've moved on. I've left interacting with the Wakfu/Dofus fandom and fan-made stuff far behind me. I haven't touched it for almost two years and it shows on all the social media I share my art and writing on. I at times wish people could be considerate about the fact that I moved on but I also know and understand that not everyone knows my reasoning or my side of the story. I try not to be too harsh on it.

====

MY ADVICE

I don't hate anyone for how things turned out; a lot of it was my own doing by not saying no or taking a stronger stand.

It did teach me a lot of things, especially about caring for my own well-being and putting others on pedestals. Please be mindful when you treat someone like others treated me before; it's not healthy, for yourself and the person you put on that high pedestal. Take everything in moderation and consideration, that's all. Everyone's human, everyone has feelings, and everyone deserves a sense of being. Even your favorite artists and content creators. Don't treat them like an otherwordly being that you have to worship.

In turn, if a fandom or something you enjoyed is making you unhappy nowadays, you owe it to yourself to make or find a change. Be good to yourself, always!

~~

Thanks to anyone who read through this ramble. I needed to get this off my chest. I am not asking for advice, neither pity or whatever else. I just wanted to share my thoughts on past experiences because I have a feeling others might be going through something similar.

Thank you again, please take care.

[niallloverontheloose]

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/650079336900313088/for-years-fandom-has-talked-about-wanting-stiles#notes

@russianspacegeckosexparty: For years, fandom has talked about wanting Stiles to “heal” Derek but what they mean is they want self insert stan in a Stiles Nametag/Fanon!Stiles to *enable* Derek’s toxicity, and also while claiming that Derek’s way of running a pack is the Right Way, they suspiciously have him acting exactly like Scott who’s methods they sneered at

@princeescaluswords:

I wish I had a simple answer for you. It would be easy to laughingly dismiss it as ‘just racism’ and move on. Racism is a huge part of it, but it’s not the only part; it’s a situation-well mixed with patriarchal precedence and a fundamentally self-serving and immature application of Christian doctrine (I’m speaking as a Christian myself). Our culture has created certain expectations in the way we approach the behavior of white men.

As long as they show emotional depth, attractive white men are entitled to forgiveness for their bad actions without the need to redress those actions.

The sad part is that this phenomenon exists outside of the world of fiction and fandom. How many white men have had tearful press conferences apologizing for their bad behavior and then its back to business as usual?

When the Sterek shippers create a Fanon Stiles to support/heal/enable Alpha Derek, they very often indulge in this idea. To them and their insert, who Derek hurt is immaterial. To them and their insert, what Derek did is immaterial. The only thing that matters is that a powerful and attractive white man was openly emotional, and so, to them, it’s simply unjust for the narrative or the audience to treat him as less than fully redeemed.

What did Derek do in response to his betrayal of Paige to her death? He cried about it. What did Derek do when he unwisely bit Jackson and then abandoned him to become the kanima? He looked pained and stomped around the screen yelling at people who weren’t responsible. What did Derek do when his decisions to conceal information got Erica and Boyd killed? He looked sad and stricken. The show, in a completely inadequate display of consequences, ‘redeemed’ him by having him give up the alpha power to save his sister (and fandom reeled in shock at this tiny bit of redress, so much that they kept rejecting it).

Fandom doesn’t even recognize all the things that Derek did to Scott - from concealing information, to bullying, to selfish manipulation, to betrayal, to brutal assault - as bad behavior. How many times have you read Fanon Stiles say “he may have been an asshole, but he was trying to help!” when Derek lied to Scott about the cure, betrayed him to his uncle, and have his or his minions try to beat Scott into submission?

Derek experiences strong emotions, therefore, all his actions are immediately ameliorated by his pain, but only because he’s white and good looking! His family burned! His sister was murdered! So that makes his attempt to hunt down and kill Lydia on a hunch absolutely okay.

Compare this to the absolute condemnation of Scott for saying an insensitive thing to Derek and to pretending-to-be-catatonic Peter after nearly getting caught by Kate and Chris stealing a bullet to save Derek’s life. Compare this to the raging hellfire wished upon Scott for being blackmailed by Gerard with a knife to his gut, a tail wrapped around his mother’s throat, and claws to his lover’s neck?

It doesn’t stop there. Peter Hale has legions of defenders not because he expressed remorse for his terrible onscreen actions but because he refused to express remorse for them. In fact, he defended his vicious murders and attempted murders and violations with passionate bullshit. They swoon over the fact that he murdered his own niece so much that they make up excuses for him that he refused and create fantasies of the Left Hand.

That’s why, when grappling with Season 5A, they don’t care that Stiles was a lying traitor. They only care that he felt really bad while he was being a lying traitor. (And they’ll come at me, screaming, that he was being blackmailed too, while turning around and call Scott a rapist in Master Plan. And no, Scott wasn’t a traitor in Season 2; he was deceiving villains – both Derek and Gerard. That’s the difference between Scott and Stiles. Scott finds a way to defeat the villains while Stiles… Stiles cries about it. But that’s all a white male character has to do be considered a hero.)

My problem is that fandom’s reflexive urge to forgive every single good looking white male character not only permeates the fandom but it also influenced the show. That’s why Scott had to listen to Stiles whine about the way Scott looked at him in Codominance but the fact that Stiles assaulted Scott was never mentioned again. That’s why Liam’s apology tour was so completely fixated on Liam finding a way to live with himself, that he never bother to ask if Scott was okay, or Mason didn’t scold him for leaving Scott dying on the library floor to go hug a girl that was already dead. After all, Liam was feeeeeeeeling.

Art imitates life. Fandom has lowered the bar so much for attractive white male characters that all they have to do is… I don’t think there’s anything they can’t do to be automatically healed by the fandom. Yet they cover that with making the act of forgiving white male characters an act of love.

//

So Stiles is a “lying traitor” because he’s a victim of assault and blackmail and because he didn’t share his own traumas with Scott like Scott and his Stans demanded… but Scott is a “hero” even though he kept lying like a rug, sold Derek Hale and his Pack out to the hunters in exchange of Allison, conspired with Gerard behind everyone’s back, and violated an incapacitated rape victim to save his own ass? Make it make sense, antis

“How many times have you read Fanon Stiles say ‘he may have been an asshole, but he was trying to help!’ when Derek lied to Scott about the cure, betrayed him to his uncle, and have his or his minions try to beat Scott into submission?”

Funnily enough, I never read a Sterek fic in which the author uses Stiles to justify Derek’s behavior. But I’ve read PLENTY of fics written by the Scott McCall defense squad members in which Stiles, Lydia, Kira, Allison, Mason, Liam, Chris, Cora etc are reduced to he author’s Fanon Self Insert and used to excuse/justify Scott’s toxic behavior.

But maybe PrinceEscalusWords is referring to when the TW writers & producers had Masson Hewitt (a gay black character) justify Scott and tell Corey Bryant (a gay character and the boy Scott assaulted and mind raped) to get over it, because:

“I know the last time you saw Scott wasn’t his best day. But he’s trying to help! More than most people would!” (5x09, Lies of Omission)

‘cause apparently nothing is more ‘romantic’ and ‘progressive’ than telling an abuse victim to get over their own trauma and abuse and then trying to paint their abuser as a kind, compassionate hero who just had a bad day in Jeff Davis’ book

“My problem is that fandom’s reflexive urge to forgive every single good looking white male character not only permeates the fandom but it also influenced the show. That’s why Scott had to listen to Stiles whine about the way Scott looked at him”

Actually, Stiles is the one who had to listen to Scott whine about the way Liam looked at him.

[Teen Wolf 5x13, Co-dominance]

STILES: So, what did he want?

SCOTT: To help.

STILES: You gonna let him?

SCOTT: Eventually, I guess…

STILES: Okay, but shouldn’t he be a little higher on your priority list right now? I mean, since he’s the only other actual werewolf, your only actual Beta.

SCOTT: You didn’t see the way that he came at me! You didn’t see the look in his eyes!

STILES: Well, I’ve been with you on a full moon, so I’ve seen that look.

STILES: You want to get the band back together, Scott, you don’t leave out the drummer.

“And no, Scott wasn’t a traitor in Season 2; he was deceiving villains – both Derek and Gerard. That’s the difference between Scott and Stiles. Scott finds a way to defeat the villains while Stiles cries about it”

Except that Scott never defeated a single villain in the actual show. He even failed to assassinate a terminally ill old man who was already dying in Master Plan. Scott is pretty good at whining and at taking credit for his friends’ heroic actions and achievements, though. And that’s all Scott has to do to be considered a “hero” or become a “true alpha”

[peachy-inserts]

alright, here we go; long post coming up y’all

(sorry for any errors, or for too much repetition. i am incredibly tired today)

tdlr; bakugou is angry and deserves love and patience

the name thing is what bothers me the very most about fanon bakugou. he frequently calls people by insults, but even lately in canon has shown to use them less and less, and with people he personally knows, or someone who’s being a dick

and for someone who has so much trouble opening up and developing close relationships in the first place, why the hell would he ever choose to call an s/o by these names? it’s an abusive behavior to do that; i know it’s fictional but could you imagine if your boyfriend called you a ‘fucking dumbass’? ‘endearingly’ or not, i just don’t see how some people could characterize bakugou like that and find it appealing

about showing respect by using names, notice how he hardly calls midoriya anything other than ‘damn deku’, but has rarely slung dumbass or idiot into the mix. he also would never adress his teachers or idols by those things, even though we all know he’s got enough balls and anger to

granted, he doesn’t spare this courtesy with his friends, but speaking realistically i think i say bitch and whore more times a day when talking to my friends than i do their names. i think platonically, with the right context, bond, and tone you can certainly use names like this to show affection. but never to hurt them with

bakugou is definitely incredibly insecure, which of course we saw in the deku vs kacchan 2 fight when all might broke them up. he’s just a messed up kid with a warped perception of reality (which we’ll go more into on in the next part) a lot that goes into making bakugou the personality he is on fanon is this in the works, and yet it’s completely ignored and excused as an extremely confident dude who shows affection through violence and insults/threats. like, what? you can’t play that off as ‘haha he means well’ like no, no. any perosn with an inkling of sense knows you don’t act like that to people you care about

going off of him being insecure, you’d have to have to be forceful with him to get him to open up, as well as showing him a little bit of tlc because it’s not like literally anyone has ever offered that to him. deku has definitely tried to be close with him, but i don’t think he’s going as deep as he should and to no fault of his; his history with bakugou and bakugous feelings of inferiority prevent that from happening on his end. i don’t think bakugou would be able to be vulnerable to somebody unless they opened up to him first, and had written a reliable history with him. he’s someone who could stand to learn by example

still yet though, a lot of what i see with him on the other side of fanon (him not, y’know, basically being abusive) is that he’s a mellowed out fellow, doesn’t let things bother him, is super sweet. even without everything making him him the way that he is, that’s still his personality. even if he were to overcome all of his issues, that doesn’t mean his entire personality would change. he’s certainly aware of how he presents himself, and how people shy away from him, but as of currently where the anime left off (i’m not caught up on the manga) is okay with that. he focuses on his goals to distract himself from those matters weighing down on him but i think in the future as he had more time to bond with others he’d definitely try to make an effort to change, and from that point is where i tend to write him from. he can still be brash, confident, and teasing all while showing kindness to others, it’s just gonna take time

mitsuki is, if you ask me, the root of his problems. for real. mitsuki literally criticizes him for the way he handles being kidnapped, makes him feel guilty for it, treats him as if he should have been able to solve everything in his own, shouldn’t have been there in the first place if he was really strong enough, and reinforces this idea in him that a hero should be able to work completely alone. she gives him the idea that needing help or asking for help is weak and he should be ashamed for ‘inconveniecing’ everyone, despite him literally being her 15 year old son kidnapped by the most notorious and dangerous group of villains in the country

that’s not tough love, that is emotional abuse. mitsuki and bakugou’s relationship is more than them both simply being rough around the edges, she sets out to degrade him and knock him down every time he shows an ounce of confidence. it is extremely toxic, and caused him to develop this inferiority complex that we see (only to be amplified by the one person he could confidently assert himself over becoming the all powerful successor to his idol)

if she would have showed him a little bit of weakness, a little bit of the motherly love expected of her, i don’t think he’d be nearly as insecure as he is now. his flashy quirk would still play into his personality, what with adults fawning over him and saying he should be a hero (seen in the beginning of the series) but i think more than anything it would be a not so intense fear of failure. if he had his own mother backing him up, it wouldn’t be nearly as bad

mitsuki has lead him to believe that unless he’s the best and achieves his goal without any help whatsoever, that he should be disappointed, pitied, and seen as a loser

finally touching the lighter side of things, bakugou would be absolutely hilarious the first time he ever committed himself to a relationship. he’s genuinely never been interested in it, and the few crushes he’s had were completely ignored to fulfill his goals. so far we’ve established that he’s insecure, feels inferior, and has trouble expressing his emotions unless the right person caters to him patiently. there is absolutely NO way that he could go into a relationship confidently, he’d be completely flustered and nervous as hell. i think bakugou is definitely the type to play into cliche romance standards all while pretending he’s too cool to care, and it’s whimsical to say the least

all he cares about is being a hero, so unless someone willing to work with him slowly and show him kindness latches into him and cracks him open, i don’t see him starting a relationship in high school. he wouldn’t be concerned with those matters until he’s finally settled down into a routine work life, and even then wouldn’t be able to develop a good romantic relationship with someone he wasn’t already friends with

as for pda, his flashy show off style and embarrassed ‘never dated anyone and is terrified’ ordeal would clash and leave him wanting to be able to indulge in pda, but far too flustered to go through with it. he’ll hold hand with you, yeah, maybe leave a hand on your waist when you’re idle, but a kiss is taking it outside of his comfort zone. once he’s adapted and overcome these, he’s all over it though. so long as it doesn’t get gross, you know?

i think he would mimic his parents in one sense, that being banter. he’d argue with his s/o, but not in the aggressive manner you’d expect; more so, arguments are a way to exercise his mind and keep him entertained? so i think he’d need an s/o who can keep up with him and playfully bounce back and forth with him over useless things. he’d never take it to the point of anyone being hurt or actually angry, although there would be a couple times he’d lose his temper over something and start an ACTUAL argument that has the potential to escalate. after doing this once or twice though i think he’d work extensively on keeping his cool and having a peaceful albeit tense discussion

otherwise though, i don’t think he wants to be anything like them, and consciously works toward providing a relationship for his s/o much much different from theirs, once that’s open and nurturing

so sorry for the repeated thoughts and spelling mistakes, but those are my thoughts! feel free to add on anymore or elaborate on what’s here so far, and thank you for sending these in babe 😍

[thedreadvampy]

there's nothing specifically BAD about white jon, it's just kind of... weird sometimes? for fans of color to see a character so universally portrayed as brown be portrayed white. it's more due to the universality of the headcanon than anything. we get comfortable thinking of him as "one of us," so to speak, so seeing him as white can be anywhere from mildly jarring to actively upsetting. it's obvs not actual whitewashing, but it sometimes evokes a similar emotional response, if that makes sense

First off, sorry if this is a bit addled, as I said me and Tumblr got in a bit of a fight so this is the third time I'm typing a response to this.

This makes a lot of sense to me, and it hadn't really occurred to me previously (because I am, as I have said, hWHITE). I feel like I don't know what to say here that doesn't sound more casual than I mean it - yes. I don't want to say "I get it" bc I probably don't have a full picture of how it feels to have people who look like you be so rarely shown as whole people in media, but it makes perfect SENSE how much of a gut punch that could be.

That's my whole response directly to this ask, is yeah, that makes sense and it's a shitty way to be made to feel. Little preface to this next bit - it's going to be self indulgent word salad and it's not as much a reflection on what you've said (which I wholeheartedly accept and I'm angry at myself for not thinking of tbh). so it's not aimed at you, it's sort of an into the ether continuation of the thoughts this started in me.

(And it's definitely meant as an explanation rather than a justification, it's not an 'I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm right' but I kind of wanna feel out for myself what it is that made me come on so strong and get so on one about a white Jon headcanon when I'm normally pretty quiet about fandom stuff.)

I kind of hate fanon? Not specifically TMA fanon, I've just always found it...irritating, I guess, that noncanonical appearances become very rapidly The Correct Thing and everything has to be done in reference to that (sometimes even when it runs directly counter to established canon). I think the obvious non-TMA example is Cecil and Carlos from WTNV - one of the big reasons I never engaged much with that fandom is that the Correct Cecil was drawn with white hair pale skin third eye skinny bod sweater vest etc etc, and if you drew a Black Cecil or a chubby Cecil or an Unknowable Eldritch Entity Cecil, then it was an AU, it was being viewed in RELATION to this Default Cecil who everyone was drawing without really knowing why except that that's What Cecil Looks Like, and when you came in having listened to the podcast and started engaging with fandom, (I felt) you were expected to drop however you had been visualising the character and start visualising this very specific look with no real reason?

And that's very much how I felt, correctly or incorrectly, coming into TMA fandom (or rather, as TMA fandom started spreading far enough that it came to me) - I started listening to TMA in probably like early 2017, because I had a lot of late studio nights and it was this thing Jonny was doing etc, and I doubt I saw a single piece of fanart until at least 2018/19. So it's a bit...I turned round and suddenly there's This Way Jon Looks, which doesn't at all relate to how I imagined him (and by the way possibly more significantly for me personally, This Way Martin Looks, which for reasons I can't exactly explain just sets me off, I HATE the ubiquity of Cute Little Shy Ginger Chubby Sweatervest Martin) and that's absolutely fine! It's a podcast! There is no right answer here! Except there seems to be a singular right answer. I don't think I've ever seen a Black Jon, an East Asian Jon, a Latino Jon, a South Asian Jon, a fat Jon, a bald Jon, whatever. (Also very few unhot Jons which. let this man be a nebbish weirdo) It's the homogeneity I find kind of alienating and at the same time I do get that that established image is functionally providing representation for a lot of people. It isn't that I don't think Jon should be brown (although I own that I've come a long way on that over the last few weeks and I did come in pretty stridently WHITE JON initially which was....hm. at best thoughtless.) but I do think I'm a bit...baffled, I guess? by the idea that there is one Correct Jon who should be treated, effectively, as canonical.

[ren3gade]

Infatuations and Visions

(I didn’t expect this ramble to get so long, I can move it to DW if people would rather read it there but for now I’m leaving it here.)

One aspect of Cullen’s characterization I have always found interesting is the “infatuation” aspect, in part because we have canon (his own words, plus rumors in Witch Hunt and codexes) and then we have the DAO writer’s statements on the character, and fandom has expounded on this in amazing and/or horrifying ways.

So in light of the ambiguous but delicious advisor banter I was recently spinning my wheels over I am trying to decide how much I want to lean into this idea of Cullen as someone with a tendency to crush who is largely professional in DAI but has relapses in which he indulges in infatuations to the extent his coworkers get annoyed with him.

Ultimately, I think reading this banter as Leliana being irritated with Cullen for asking about the Warden is a bit of a stretch for the character. You can make it work but it runs counter to the explicit example we have, where Cullen asks after the Warden but quickly drops the subject. It is true that Cullen doesn’t hide his interest very well. He acts professionally by all accounts, but wears his interest/infatuation on his sleeve a bit and it is commented on by others.

The wistful, dreamy way he recalls the Warden in DA2 suggests by that point he had fully separated the Warden from his mental torture, something that was not true when they spoke in Broken Circle. In DAO he expresses “shame” for being interested in the mage Warden but his comments in DAI indicate that is no longer the case. He freely admits being infatuated but says he never acted on the impulse and does not consider the infatuation, in and of itself, inappropriate.

(At times like these I have to marvel at the tight-rope the DAI writer walks with this romancable character and her success in that regard, if the number of Cullen romance fics on AO3 is any indication.)

Torturous, sexy dreams with the Warden are popular fanon I myself have written from time to time, but AFAIK Cullen never elaborates on his nightmares in-game other than to say they are worse without lyrium and his only stated discomfort with the Warden is the way he treated her. At the same time, there’s a rather uncomfortable scene, playing chess, where the Inquisitor expresses interest in him and he is pleasantly surprised her interest is real

Inquisitor: We should spend more time together.

Cullen: (surprised) I  would... like that.

Inquisitor: So would I.

Cullen: (softly) You said that.

This small exchange made me deeply uncomfortable when I saw it the first time, which is just another credit to how the writer handled this character’s layers. To players without knowledge of his history this is an innocent, if slightly awkward, exchange.

To me, the implication was that Cullen either has waking hallucinations about the Inquisitor and must take a moment to consider what is real, or he has vivid enough fantasies about the Inquisitor expressing interest that when she actually does he has to do a quick reality check to make sure he’s not imagining it.

Canonically, Cullen is considered attractive and eligible and receives a lot of unwanted sexual interest, but he’s surprised the Inquisitor, specifically, is reciprocating. Later, he remarks, “I didn’t think it was possible,” because they are the Inquisitor, because it is wartime, etc., but he’s clearly been thinking about it. (“I mean, I do... think of you. And what I might say in this sort of situation.”)

On waking hallucinations, we do have a little confirmation. From Perseverance, “Sometimes I feel as if I’m back there...”

I think it’s safe to say he has an active imagination, at the very least, and does periodically pause for a reality check, and this is how I’ve characterized him in Precipice.

I think the substance of Cullen’s nightmares is his own moral compass, or lack thereof--his fear that he was irrevocably changed or broken by exposure to blood magic and fear that his desire to be his own person and a better person will ultimately fail. His torture appears to have been primarily psychological, with blood mages rifling through his thoughts and pulling out various items to shame, tempt, or otherwise humiliate him with, coupled with the fear and generalized horror of the situation (watching the others around him be systematically broken and murdered).

I have long felt Cullen’s “shame” over his crush is less about having interest in a mage (which even in DAI he does not condemn) and more about abuse of power and dereliction of duty as a templar. Cullen believes he can admire the Warden from afar and as long as he doesn’t act on his feelings it’s fine. The blood mages seem to propose the infatuation itself is inherently shameful, then proceed to bombard him with either images or vocalizations with the express intent of “tempting” him into taking actions he knows are shameful/wrong, which will bring him to a mental breaking point. At some point in this process the Warden is depersonalized and objectified, becoming a “thing” Cullen “wants but can never have.”

Anyway, I don’t have a grand concluding paragraph, this is just wheel spinning.

[lotus-tower]

on yamamoto and gokudera’s relationship

i’m two years late with this post and i’ve realized i can’t make nice, readable, presentable list posts i’m just going to copy crossy and Just Say Things when i feel like talking about them

okay so what absolutely baffles me about fanon characterization of their relationship is that people seem to think gokudera dislikes yamamoto just because he thinks he’s Dumb, whereas yamamoto is just ‘haha oh you’ and puts up with it indulgently because he loves gokudera and gokudera is his Good Friend.

while the last part isn’t completely off the mark, i feel like this interpretation of their relationship completely ignores one essential fact: both yamamoto and gokudera initially do not think much of the other, at all. gokudera thinks yam is dumb, yes, but mostly, there is absolutely nothing about yam that isn’t either incredibly threatening or incredibly abhorrent to him. gokudera doesn’t harass yam because he’s tsun, he harasses him because yamamoto being in the same space as him is deeply upsetting to him and constantly threatens the implicit Rules that govern his worldview. gokudera hates yamamoto because yamamoto is a carefree civilian who’s allowed to just join up for no reason (whereas he had to pass a fake ‘test’ of sorts), which is a Big Deal for a mafia brat who grew up on the streets of the underworld; because gokudera doesn’t understand yamamoto at ALL and thinks that yam isn’t taking any of this seriously, which infuriates gokudera because of the honour he accords the position of guardian and because of what he perceives as the sheer audacity of being that flippant with tsuna’s safety; and, most crucially, because despite all of this yamamoto is genuinely better at everything than he is. we all know gokudera has self-esteem and insecurity issues in SPADES, and interacting with yamamoto automatically sets those off at maximum intensity.

and yamamoto? is fully aware of this. he knows gokudera doesn’t like him and treats him pretty unfairly. he just didn’t know the extent of gokudera’s dislike until the gamma fight, because part of him was hopeful that since they were Teammates, gokudera had to like him at least a little bit, right? but like, this is half the reason yamamoto is initially... kind of condescending towards gokudera. he doesn’t show in his behaviour, because he’s a Good Boy and tries to be polite, but the thing is, yamamoto knows he‘s stronger than gokudera. he doesn’t make a big deal out of it because he’s not an asshole and doesn’t particularly care about things like that when it comes to Friendship, but heeeee’s definitely aware that gokudera... isn’t all that strong? or reliable? and gokudera’s behaviour towards him just makes him even more “haha ok.” he laughs it off because gokudera is so theatrical about it and yamamoto has no idea how relationships actually work. it’s kind of the only way he can continue to go unbothered by it (though as we see in the gamma fight, when he isn’t putting forth the effort to not take it seriously, he is Very Bothered--yamamoto isn’t all that honest with himself, ever). the slapstick dynamic we see with yamamoto’s attitude towards gokudera being essentially “sure jan” and gokudera spitting fire at him is funny because it’s a Joke but also in terms of characterization it means yamamoto definitely has to be at least somewhat dismissive of gokudera in order for this whole thing to be sustainable?

for example, after the gamma fight, gokudera gives a genuine and earnest apology to yamamoto, saying he was scared and unfairly took it out on yam, saying things he didn’t mean. yam, in return, says.... “i also said things i shouldn’t have.” aka yamamoto meant all those things he said to gokudera--this entire time, yamamoto thought gokudera was doing an extremely poor job of being a guardian and that he had no idea what he was doing. he just never said anything because, well. he’s yamamoto. he doesn’t say things! he doesn’t want to cause any friction in the team, so he usually just lets everything slide (partly due to fear of losing the only place where he can belong, and partly because he is deathly allergic to confrontation and internalizes everything instead of dealing with his issues). that’s why he’s  “easygoing”: he won’t disturb the status quo at all unless he has no choice (see: never bringing up reborn’s secret ever again because they forgot to ask him again), but uh, he’s extremely perceptive and in fact knows More Things Than People Think and has a lot of Opinions about things.

  yamamoto is also a little shit, and a large part of how he deals with gokudera’s behaviour is by......... winding him up on purpose, because yamamoto thinks it’s absolutely hilarious (it is). yam deals with a lot of things by turning them into a jokes! it’s just a Thing. maybe it’s not healthy but hey, Now It’s Funny, and funny things are good. yam KNOWS that gokudera takes his whole “mafia game” thing literally, but never bothers to correct him, because he thinks it’s fucking funny that gokudera is so baitable. obviously, this does NOT help gokudera be less annoyed by him. these boys are really dumb. 

yamamoto doesn’t DISLIKE gokudera, though. despite everything, he has high hopes of Being Friends with gokudera. he also can kind of guess where gokudera’s anger comes from? he can’t do anything about gokudera’s insecurities though (hell, he wouldn’t even know where to begin, or even how to formulate the thought--he’s a 14 year old jock he doesn’t know what the word insecurity means). he doesn’t really know where they stand, but he’s??? tentatively optimistic??? maybe??? he’s very attached to the fact that they are Teammates. a team ties people together, and yamamoto Knows teammates. he can do Teams. this is what he’s good at. the mafia is a Team Game and all his teammates are Extremely Important and he’s gonna win this you guys. he tries his very best to LIKE gokudera, which is why he’s always laughing and turning things into jokes, because gokudera is a lot more likeable if you turn him into a meme (this is applicable to all uptight or angry fictional characters): it’s a lot easier to get along with someone who’s always angry at you if you can go “oh you ahahahaha you’re always such a riot gokudera.” yamamoto actually really is strangely endeared by gokudera, probably because 1) gokudera is sometimes really Relatable 2) you will never understand a warrior’s bond 3) once yamamoto has successfully installed them into a Routine (which is partly why he never corrects gokudera on anything, so they always end up repeating the same arguments), gokudera and all his mannerisms become a familiar comfort instead of Attac 4) they hang out and stuff sometimes and it’s really chill?

just think of it this way: yamamoto is a dog that Loves gokudera, but doesn’t respect him in any shape or form. he is an EXTREMELY friendly dog, and so he will wag his tail and ask to play with him and lick his face, but only when he feels like it, and if gokudera tries to tell him to do anything.......

lol

this dynamic only really begins to change in the latter half of the future arc, after they’ve had their big fight! the frustrations they’ve had with each other ever since the beginning of the series finally bubble up to the surface and they blow up in an extravagant mess. they finally confront each other on their Feelings about each other, while also revealing other Emotions they’ve been experiencing that obviously neither acknowledged in the least up until then. (so. bad. at feelings and communication.) it’s at that moment that they finally start respecting each other, not only as people, but as fellow guardians! you’ll notice that in all subsequent arcs, gokudera is much less aggressive towards yamamoto, only griping for what seems to be the principle of it. it’s Routine now. (thanks yam) all this culminates in the peerless wonder that is the tandem bike scene. it’s a beautiful metaphor for how their relationship has evolved.

tl;dr-- yamamoto and gokudera’s relationship is actually extremely complex and fascinating, and it’s a crying shame that fandom simplifies it for the sake of tsundere gokudera and red-blue rivalship. gokudera is not tsun: he actually genuinely dislikes yamamoto in the beginning of the series. neither considers the other a worthy rival: gokudera thinks yamamoto isn’t qualified to even be a candidate in the mafia race by virtue of his character and background, whereas yamamoto doesn’t think gokudera is competent or strong enough to be on his level. they would both destroy each other in an instant for the position of tsuna’s right hand man. thankfully, they later become asshole friends and settle into a friendlier, heat-less version of their old dynamic.

[unicornmagic]

Healing Spell (WIP)

Brain decided to cough up the backstory of how Credence came to live with Graves in the AU of magical self-indulgence; cue rampant fanon and grossest H/C. It’s mostly written & will prolly be a two-parter.  For now, a preview?

*

The business had begun when one of Graves' better junior Aurors tried to sink her career like the damned Titanic.

The problem wasn't that Goldstein had used magic to stop a Puritanical harridan in the act of whipping a kid.  That was an infraction, of course--the magic, not the interference with a whipping (alas, Goldstein hadn't thought of leaving her wand in her pocket and just using her fist).  But if you knew Goldstein, a spitfire and a softie, you could understand it. There'd been no other witnesses; Graves himself wouldn't have learned about the incident if she hadn't fessed up after the fact.  Obliviate the harridan, obliviate the kid, done and done.  

The problem was that Goldstein had gone back, on a subsequent occasion, to a meeting of the New Salem Philanthropic Society, and lit into its harridan in chief at a public meeting.  Witnesses galore.  It was all Graves could do to contain the damage--the obliviation team worked for hours--and keep the resulting inquiry internal.

"She beats him," gulped Goldstein, tearful in his office, as Graves tried to quash his headache and understand what the hell was going on.  "She probably beats them all.  I saw him, I saw his hands and I felt--useless. Because stopping it the first time didn't change anything, I had to make her forget, and she's just going to keep hurting him and--"

Graves had little patience for blubbing from his professional staff.  It wasn't that he didn't care about a sad No-Maj kid.  He'd seen plenty of sad cases in his career.  It was his job to care more about the threat of a fringe group gaining legitimacy because its leader had been violently hexed in public by an honest-to-God witch, and the international shitstorm that would ensue if the Statue of Secrecy was violated.  And about Picquery breathing down his neck to stop whatever mystery fiend was leaving buildings across the city in rubble.

He managed, by hook or by crook, to keep Goldstein out of a cell.  He put her on suspension, no contact with the Second Salemers allowed.

She begged him, still wobbly-eyed, to check on the kid.  In his copious free time.

It was all over, in some sense, when Graves got his first look at Credence Barebone, at the hunched shoulders and wan demeanor, the mournful angel's face.  It was over, and it was only just starting.

*

The diner was swamped at lunchtime, booths full of No-Majs scarfing down sandwiches and hot drinks.  Graves guided Credence to the two empty seats at the counter, on the far end, side by side.

Credence laid his stack of WITCHES LIVE AMONG US! pamphlets on the counter.  He was slow to take off his gloves.  At first Graves didn't think much of it:  the weather was cold, they hadn't even got their coffee yet.  The gloves were as warm as unenchanted gloves could be.  Graves would know: he was the one who'd bought them.  But then the coffee arrived, and sat steaming in front of Credence, untouched, until Graves looked at him, quizzical, and said, "You want cocoa instead?"

Slowly Credence took off the gloves.  He lifted his hands.  He tried to keep them pinced shut, like lobster claws, but that didn't hide the ugly welts on the palms.

People liked to talk about seeing red with anger.  The haze that smeared Graves' vision wasn't red, but fulminous white.  For a minute he thought it might come roaring out of him, storm down the counter, go snarling through the streets with a lashing tail.  In its wake trailed chagrin, and a silent apology to Goldstein.  Too bad she hadn't hexed the Puritan bitch a little harder.  He heard himself speaking, incongruously calm.

"Let's see those hands."

He extended his own.  Credence sat frozen, staring at his open palm, then looked away.  His gaze zigzagged like a scared hare, landing anywhere but on Graves.  

"Credence?" murmured Graves, and that seemed to break the spell.  One wounded hand crept toward him.  Graves clasped it, turned it, unfolded it as best he could.  The healing spell was basic—he didn't need to use a wand, let alone speak aloud—but it did the job.  The welts faded.  

Credence let out a held breath, and something in his expression shifted, beginning to ease.  

Graves repeated the healing with the other hand.  Credence watched, unbreathing, as the welts melted away.  

"Your 'Ma'?" asked Graves, low.  He let go of Credence's hand.

A nod.  

"Happen often?"

For a minute Credence didn't look up, still studying the unmarred skin.  He gave a tentative flex of his fingers.  Then he looked at Graves.  He said nothing, but ashamed admission shadowed the relief on his face.  

Graves reached for his coffee.  He took a long swig.  It was bitter, bottom of the pot, but it kept him from cussing aloud, and damning Goldstein for sticking him in the middle of this.  He was in it now, and not likely to get out.  

When he spoke again, he succeeded in sounding almost neutral.  "Help me understand.  Is there something keeping you there, in that church, with a woman who does this to you?"

The boy looked confused.  "She...they're my family."

"Are they?"

"Ma took me in when no one else would have me.  She, she wants to help me.  To keep me from succumbing to wickedness."

"You believe that?  That this is a decent way to treat somebody?"  Graves thought he’d kept his voice even, but Credence still winced away.  "What about your sisters. Does that--" Graves dipped his chin at Credence's hands "--happen to them, too?"  

Credence bit his lower lip, then shook his head.  He spoke in a cowed whisper.  "She doesn't...not the belt."

"So if someone were to use a belt on them, to hurt them like that--you wouldn't feel that was all right.  You wouldn't like to see it happen."

A headshake:  no, no he wouldn't.

Graves leaned in.  He spoke almost too low to be heard.  "Can you understand that somebody might feel the same about it happening to you?"  

*

TBC 

[the-cryptographer]

@rainstormcolors

Why are the reviews on AO3 all so articulate? asdfg. (I wrote up most of this before reading them.)

You’re articulate too, though! You don’t give yourself enough credit, omg.

But if you guest comment on ffnet, I can’t reply to your review through the site. Which was maybe why you commented there instead of ao3, but here I am, responding publicly anyhow :p

-YGO is a franchise with such a separation from reality; it’s always striking when a fic plays their world so grounded, with all the details and routines of our reality to tend to.

Haha. This was conceptualised before DSoD. And, now having watched it, I kinda think a ygo future fic about Seto sould be more sci-fi and futuristic in its general aesthetic. there’s some kind of discrepancy even in the ygo world between the kind of mundane limitations given to the cast and the technology they use that’s of our world, versus solid holograms and the ability to upload your brain to a virtual plane(?) but, yeah, post-DSoD the idea of Seto running a company in turn-of-the-century Japan that’s more or less limited to the realities of corporate Japan seems kind of... naïve? Seto will run his company however he wants!! - that means it doesn’t have to be limited to the laws of physics, let alone the realities of political or economic policy.

But, yeah. Aside from the fact that a fic meant to be a deconstruction of boss/subordinate pupship kind of requires a mundane company setting, I kind of like the realism of these characters having to do these really ordinary tasks. I think season zero mixed the kind of daily school life vibes well with these more absurd and fantastical moments. I think I was trying to call back to that kind of vibe.

(omg, haha. i was so worried the roller coaster crash would just jar everyone out of the fic. i’m sorry i can’t actually take these characters or their setting seriously.)

- [*snip*] Basically, I like your Seto.

I am so glad you liked their meeting so much, and that there was a very clear quality to Seto‘s mental state.

For me, many fanon interpretations of Seto run either too kind and cooperative, too competent(?) and stable, or both. I was just following my headcanons about him, but I was worried he wouldn’t be well received~ Coming from somebody else, I’d worry that they’d consider the visibility of Seto’s vulnerability an insult, lol. I’m glad his bitter form of fragility seemed on key. Thank you :)

- I’m trying to put into words how you’ve matured [Jounouchi]. It’s a culmination of small details.

I think what I was hoping for Jounouchi was to make him seem a little more self-resigned and down-to-earth. He can be pretty arrogant, even how I write him, but he’s not entertaining a lot of the same grandiose dreams he once was or- er- not with the same kind of high hopes that he used to. I think there are both good and bad things about that but- Yeah, I think he’s spread himself thin enough that there’s not a lot left to put into figuring out his own goals. Which is probably somewhat intentional.

- The moments of friendship are cute, between Yugi and Jou and between Jou and Anzu. Jou and Honda seem outright brotherly to me.

x)

re: Jou and his father.

Ah, it’s somewhat of a pet peeve of mine. (Child) Abuse as it is portrayed in fanfiction... Ah, um, I think there tend to be lots of conflicting feelings and circumstances. But, um, even if you care about someone you shouldn’t stick around them if they can’t treat your right. Advice that Joey absolutely refuses to take because he’s been raised not to.

- I like how Jonouchi doesn’t remember to return Mai’s handkerchief for so long, but apparently he’d put it on his person regularly. It’s become a token of her. I’m trying to think of how to describe the Polar scenes in general. Mai’s a presence in Jou’s heart and we’re given blips and fractures of these meaningful moments between them, and perhaps that’s a reflection of their separation. There’s almost a sort of vague dreaminess to those scenes, I think because of the way they’re spliced into the greater narrative and because there is this literal distance between them. I think the hyphenation might be contributing to this effect as well, as it reminds me these scenes are spliced in. Mai seems elegant and warm.

Thank you! I’m glad you liked the handkerchief scene!

lol, I’m doing my best to not let anybody forget for even a second that Mai is a presence in this fic, even via her absence. Jou certainly hasn’t forgotten.

The italicisation of her sections is maybe a bit on the nose. There’s a point where their conversations are going to turn ‘real’ and the italicisation will stop.

- According to the comments on those AO3, you were tentative about going with Manga Mokuba for the fic. I prefer a more worldly, biting, independent Mokuba myself. I love when he’s a character in his own right and not just somebody to prop up his troubled brother. You seem to have gone the awkward teenager route with him.

I was reading someone else’s JouKai, which didn’t actually feature Mokuba that much, but it was the manga version and I kind of fell in love with the idea of Jounouchi interacting with a Mokuba who... looks down on him slightly(?) or is a little more pragmatic than emotional in his acceptance of Jou’s presence, and Jou kind of responding to that with a more measured mix of indulgence and resistance. Manga!Mokuba is a little less iconic in ppl’s minds than the sweet anime version but, maybe more importantly, Mokuba’s gonna be taking a somewhat antagonistic role against Seto in the plot and I was concerned that those two features mixed together would make him unrecognisable. Even when Mokuba’s acting independently in the series (stealing star chips in DK, challenging Yuugi to CapMon) you get the feeling he’s doing it with his brother’s goals in mind.

But I also prefer Mokuba’s when he’s more biting and independent. There’s a lot of potential for a Mokuba that has motives and goals that run in opposition to Seto’s. It’s a... very scary time for Seto as a result. But I think what I was trying to get at with all those oblique posts was that it might actually be good sign for them. I think it’s Mokuba saying that he believes that both Seto individually, and their bond as brothers, are strong enough to make it, even if he rocks the boat.

haha. He is an awkward ugly teenage Mokie. There’s a kind of horrible tradition of making antagonists ugly, but since the antagonist is also un-secretly the sweetest little brother and the sweetest person, I thought it might cross the line twice back into adorable. Somebody give this poor ugly troubled teen a hug~

- You put effort into explaining Jonouchi’s pale hair. How would you explain Yugi’s hair?

I think I posted on tumblr about it. I’m convinced Yuugi’s hair is naturally curly. Like, at least ringlets, if not afro. He lost the genetic lottery and so he’s a foot shorter than his peers and also has the nappiest hair for someone Japanese. No wonder he got teased.

I think I also said that Yuugi gave Jou his hair dye. Yuugi bleaches his bangs. If you’re asking about the magenta though... idk. It’s anime. I’m just gonna go with bleached bangs and the rest is black to maintain some kind of parsimony with realism.

- No, bad Isono! You’re supposed to become a surrogate family member to the Kaiba brothers according to my headcanons! Boo! (Not really. I guess if he were fleshed out as a character, he should be given his own life as well.)

I know, right?! Haha! It was a good foil for Jou though. What do employees owe their employers and vice versa, yada yada? Also I had trouble imagining Jou being able to climb all over Kaiba’s office like it's his personal jungle gym if Isono was there to put a stop to it with disapproving looks. Stop Jou 2k17!

I think in canon the Kaibros are a bit underappreciative where Isono is concerned, but I hope you didn’t miss the implication that Mokuba and Isono are still in contact. They are friends. They chat about their personal lives, and Isono asks after Seto. I kind of hope they’ll reconcile and Seto will give him some references and visit him in Fukuoka, once Seto’s a little more sane and a little less self-entitled.

asdfghjkl; This was such a kind comment ;^; You are very wonderful rainstormcolors, I don’t know what I did to deserve. Thank you for commenting and giving me the excuse to blabber more about my fic~