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lycanlovingvampyre · 2 years ago

Text

MAG 197 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: Slow Tuesday at work.

BASIRA: "What’s down there?" JON: "I don’t know." BASIRA: "That makes a change." JON: "It’s… somewhere else." Yaaaay, somewhere else!!!

BASIRA: "Yes I do. You’re too close to this, and I need to make sure you aren’t going to do anything dumb. Situation like this, we can’t make rash assumptions. Right?" That is actually fair. Like I said many times, it's typical for Jon's character to perform poorly under stress. And sometimes he gets a bit impulsive.

ANNABELLE: "I thought you liked his voice?" MARTIN: "I do, when it’s his voice." Nawww...

MARTIN: "So why don’t you just tell me straight? It’s not like I’m going to run off. I’d only trip over my own feet and fall in, even if I tried." Martin already trying his usual charm to get what he wants^^

ANNABELLE: "Perhaps I was wrong about how well suited you are to us. I’m not sure you have the patience for The Web." That's the Lonely-influence. If we really go by the "The Lonely is a metaphor for depression" then it's only logical for Martin to have gotten irritable and short-tempered.

ANNABELLE: "A TV show. Reaching out into the homes of millions, giving the more vulnerable ones a subtle nudge towards terror. Probably something for children. It never went anywhere, of course. These things rarely do." Hmm, a bit stereotypical to assume children are the easiest people to manipulate, when there's a whole older generation out there, slowly withering away in front of the TV with almost no engagement and also no impulse to engage.

MARTIN: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" ANNABELLE: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." MARTIN: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Web!Martin is back on the menu! xD

[MUFFLED AGITATION] [MUFFLED ANXIETY] [MUFFLED ANXIETY INCREASES TO MUFFLED TERROR] [MUFFLED SADNESS] [MUFFLED DEMAND FOR RELEASE] [MUFFLED POINT OF CONTENTION] [MUFFLED ATTEMPTED EXPLANATION, FOLLOWED BY MUFFLED SIGH AND MUFFLED AGREEMENT] [MUFFLED DOWNBEAT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT] [MUFFLED DISCOMFITED REALISATION] [MUFFLED DESPONDENCY] [MUFFLED WORRY] I love all of these...

ANNABELLE: "I didn’t. He came of his own free will." [MUFFLED POINT OF CONTENTION] JON: "'Free will,' she says, as we stand in the middle of her fucking web!" Ah, Jon is angry! I like it!

JON: "Martin, is this true?" [MUFFLED ATTEMPTED EXPLANATION, FOLLOWED BY MUFFLED SIGH AND MUFFLED AGREEMENT] BASIRA: "Told you." Why is Basira so set on both of them not really knowing each other? In MAG 177 she kind of mocks Martin for trusting Jon not to look into his head. And now she was like, what? "haha, told you your boyfriend wasn't kidnapped, he just left you"??? That conversation is not on tape right? I remember this “told you”, but there was no conversation in detail about this in MAG 195 or at the beginning of this one...

JON: "It’s inevitable." Well, now he's starting to sound like Agent Smith xD

ANNABELLE: "Of course. And knowing this, knowing for centuries you would eventually be trapped, doomed to starvation, what would you do?" [LONG CONSIDERED PAUSE] JON: "Plan an escape." Lesson 2: Plan your exit on the way in! (Me at every single social gathering XD)

ANNABELLE: "We found the one we believed most likely to bring about their manifestation. We marked him young, guided his path as best we could. And then, we took his voice." JON: "No…" Actually, right now Jon is taking this better that expected. He still sounds pissed, but not devastated. That'll come as soon as he had time to think about it... Also, I don't think Jon was the only one the Web prepared. In fact, it very much looks like it did a little experiment with Father Burroughs of MAG 19 and 20. They probably had a bunch of candidates but when it became clearer, that Jon could actually be the one closest to pull it off they started to focus more and more on him. After all, at first their influence was minimal, guided Martin to Prentiss. Only when that worked they delivered the lighter (and table) do take this further.

JON: "Because for the Fears to spread into these new worlds, they would need to leave ours, wouldn’t they?" Like he said in MAG 164, "If the Fears are removed".

JON: "Leaving us behind in the process, freeing our world at the cost of others." BASIRA: "What are you saying?" JON: "We can pass them our apocalypse." [MUFFLED DISCOMFITED REALISATION] ANNABELLE: "Nothing so extreme. In these new worlds they would exist as they used to in ours, lurking just beyond the threshold." JON: "Until someone is stupid enough to release them there, as well." ANNABELLE: "Perhaps. Even the Mother cannot see the future. Only try to shape it." JON: "And so they spread through realities like a disease!" Jon, who ultimately suffered all the guilt from this, gets what this means for others in an instant. It's a very understandable trauma response.

ANNABELLE: "Jon would lose much of himself, the parts of him that are The Eye. But he would survive. And perhaps more importantly, he would remain who he believes himself to be. And you would end the suffering of all those others who remain here." It's so interesting to get into interpretations what these parts that are The Eye are supposed to be. Where do they begin and where do they stop? Is it simply memories or even parts of his personality? Is it physical, like his literal eyesight? Is there a higher meaning to "who he believes himself to be"? Is it just subconscious or can he actively influence this, in either a positive or, for Jon most likely, a negative way? Like his self-perception. Is all this also the case when he gets separated from The Eye through, say, being literally cut "free"? So many possibilities! (For fan fictions! XD)

ANNABELLE: "Many years ago a draughtsman made an unfortunate and egregious error on certain city planning documents. As a result, an unusually large and dangerous gas main just happened to be constructed directly below the building you knew as the Magnus Institute, in a place where it would be protected by the tunnels of Robert Smirke, unchanged by the world’s reformation. You need only ignite it." God, I fucking love how all of this was constructed! And that’s just one part of it...

JON: "Ignite it?" ANNABELLE: "Indeed. And it just so happens that the perfect tool was once delivered to you as a token of appreciation. Though you really do need to learn to keep better care of it. Somehow it always seems to slip your mind, doesn’t it?" JON: "What?" BASIRA: "Jon, it’s that stupid lighter of yours." JON: [Indignant] "My what?" [JON PULLS THE GOLD LIGHTER WITH EMBOSSED SPIDERWEB FROM POCKET AND FLICKS IT OPEN] JON: "Oh? ... Oh." Funny story: So while I was listening to MAG 196 and 197 I was texting with my sister, who got me into TMA. I was simultaneously already doing a relisten with my spouse and already picked up on a few things during that, and so I was talking to my sis about foreshadowings. She mentioned like "all the spider references... the lighter!" and I was like "oh yeah, the lighter... Anyway the web table-" And my sis continues to talk about web-influences, Prentiss, Jon going for a cigarette because of the lighter, oliver banks... and I answer "What? Huh... Somehow I seemed to have overlooked a lot of spiders..." My sisters already laughing saying "It's so funny, cause it's the running gag" (and I had no idea about the lighter yet at this point in the conversation). She'd already went on about "You have a few similarities, afraid of spiders since childhood, prematurely greying hair, somehow you always seemed to know stuff about people and I have no idea where you got these from... now you forget the lighter. It's so funny cause there is no way you're doing this on purpose, that's all natural" and I again proceeded to change the topic XD Started talking about the writing xD We've had such a good laugh xD Just scrolled back in our chat log to re-read it, always funny to see. Shortly after this conversation I got to this part in the episode with the lighter and I then texted her "Ohh, now they need the lighter!!!" (And there will be another gag with the lighter! So, to be continued xD)

ANNABELLE: "I’ve played my part to its completion. You get to decide how I exit the stage." MARTIN: "Jon?" JON: "Go!" ANNABELLE: "Very well. We shall not see each other again, Archivist. But I eagerly await your decision." Another excellent choice for fanfic writers to use for Somewhere Else!

All in all the entire multiverse thing is great for fan content. Basically everything could exist in canon! Catboy Elias is real and he can hurt you! xD

@a-mag-a-day

#a-mag-a-day #mag 197 #tma #tma spoilers

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crystalirises · 4 years ago

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Phil is a famous and powerful Vampire Hunter with three sons, Wilbur, Tommy and Techno. One night Wilbur gets kidnapped by a vampire, he gets turned into a vampire but for years he has hope his father or twin would come to save him. His family never comes, he eventually gives up on hope and around this time he falls in love with another Vampire named George. They want to have a kid but they can't make one themself, so they surprise adopt Fundy. One of the vampire hunters SBI comes to help and everything goes downhill from here.

also thanks for the great writing

Y O U

I don't know who you are, but I love this prompt so much. Like, I want to confess right now that I actually have like... four (???) vampire AUs that all concern Georgebur + Sondy. I just haven't written them cause well, I just talked about them with a friend and 'm lazy to write XD.

But this prompt. YESSSSSSSSSSSS.

It literally just has everything. Wilbur's daddy issues and abandonment issues. Georgebur. Fundy. Surprise Adoption (Kidnapping). Vampires.

Love it.

Anyway, warnings: Blood, Violence, General Vampire Warnings, Possible Kidnapping, Mentions of Death, Abandonment Issues, Grief, and Suicidal Themes

Hope you like this!

“Eret? W-wha…? It’s the middle of the fucking night, man!”

Wilbur rubbed at his eyes, his friend’s hunched silhouette illuminated by the window.

They didn’t respond, and Wilbur could hear alarm bells ringing in the back of his mind.

He climbed out of bed, taking quick notice of the empty bed on the other side of the room. Techno and Phil must be out. Wilbur tried not to let it hurt him as much, his attention focused on his best friend who hadn’t made a single twitch or move ever since they’d climbed through his bedroom window. Worry settled in his gut, a heavy weight settling over his throat, making it hard to breathe. He stepped closer, the faint scent of metal piercing through the air. Wilbur nearly gagged, pressing a hand to his mouth and nose. Blood. He glanced down at the carpeted floor, goosebumps running down his skin as he gazed at the dark pool that was forming beneath Eret.

“ERET!” Wilbur gripped his friend by the shoulders, “What happened?!”

“Wil…?” Eret practically collapsed against him, hands clinging to the back of his shirt like their life depended on it. Underneath the darkness of the room, Wilbur could hardly look Eret in the eyes. Eret shook within his hold, almost like they were struggling against some force. “N-n-no!”

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?! Who did this?!” Wilbur pulled Eret away, but their head was leaned against his shoulder, their breath cold against his neck. It was difficult to see, but after a moment, he found the source of Eret’s pain. There was a dagger lodged against their back, just a few inches off Eret’s heart. He felt a panic course through him. Should he fucking pull it out?! He wasn’t a fucking healer, what the fuck was he supposed to do?! “Shit, shit, shit, fuck, um… I…”

His fingers grasped at the leather hilt, his mind screaming at him to do something, anything! Wilbur took a moment to listen to Eret’s breathing, their shallow breaths were mere puffs against his skin. He could feel Eret’s blood between his fingers, somehow, the blade hadn’t stopped the bleeding. Wilbur made a choice. He wouldn’t let his best friend bleed out. “I’m so sorry, Eret.”

Wilbur pulled the blade, wincing at the squelch of flesh and blood that resonated through the room. It was easy to ignore, since Eret let out the most unholy screech that Wilbur had ever heard in his life. He shuddered at the scream, the pain within its shriek. He swore that it sounded like— Eret collapsed against him, unconscious, but their breath had regained normalcy. Wilbur hesitantly held onto them, attention turning to the blade that he’d pulled from his best friend. Their village wasn’t the safest place, but one could usually walk around without being stabbed.

He held the dagger, blood still sticky against the skin of his palm. Wilbur brought the blade closer, eyes narrowing. It was a blade made of pure silver, the hilt dyed pink with a pink ribbon tied to one end. A chill ran down his spine. He adjusted the dagger, looking at the bottom of the hilt. A silver crow stared back at him. It was his dad’s symbol, but it was Techno’s blade.

He dropped the blade just as a searing pain tore through his throat.

He screamed, sharp teeth biting deeper into his skin.

Jagged claws gripped at the back of his shirt, an inhumane growl tearing through the air as Eret suddenly pushed him to the ground, holding him still as they continued to feed on his blood.

His mind turned to fog, but he could hear the slam of a door in the distance…

“WILBUR!” Someone screamed. But he was dragged away. And then there was nothing.

---

“I’m sorry…”

It was the first thing Eret had told him once he’d woken up, and they’d been saying it ever since.

“Sorry doesn’t change me back, Eret. Sorry doesn’t make me any less of a monster than you!”

“I didn’t mean to, Wilbur!” Eret wrapped their arms around themself, “I was tired and injured.”

“Of course you were fucking injured!” He hissed out, “You deserved to be!”

“I know.” Eret hung their head, “I know, Wilbur. I’ve known that all my life.”

“Then you should have given yourself the mercy of death the moment you first turned!”

“You don’t think I tried?!” They both took a breath. They stood in one of the many great halls of Eret’s home, a castle hidden deep within the forest, far from the prying gaze of any mortal. Eret gestured to the portraits of vampires before them, vampires that were absent from the castle. Wilbur and Eret were the only ones in the castle, and in the past few months, Wilbur wondered where Eret’s servants were. Where were the butlers? The maids? The human bloodbanks? “I’m not ancient, but I might as well be. I come from a long ancestry of vampires, but it wasn’t by choice, Wilbur. My… sire… he was cruel, but he cared for me too much to let me go and die.”

“Where’s your sire now?”

“I don’t know.” Shame danced across Eret’s face, “But I know that I fear death to try again.”

“So you’d rather drink the blood of the innocent? You’d rather be a monster?!”

“It’s been so long, Wilbur. I don’t recall what it is even like to be human.” It was an odd confession, one filled with so much heart that if Wilbur didn’t know that vampires didn’t have beating hearts, he might have fallen for the trick. He scowled instead, disgust ripping throughout his whole being. To think they’d been his closest friend. Instead, they’d turned and betrayed him by turning him into a parasite like them. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I get so hungry—”

“Then fucking control it!” It was unreasonable, and they both knew that. Wilbur should know, in the first few days since he’s turning, he kept attacking Eret since his new stomach needed his sire’s blood. He’d gotten better control… but sometimes the hunger would take over him again. Eret never complained. Not like they had any right to, after all, this mess was their fucking fault.

“My dad will come for me.” Wilbur spoke softly, “And when he does, I hope he kills us both.”

“I hope not.” Eret shuddered, “In truth, Wilbur. I don’t want to die.” Wilbur didn’t care.

---

“You’re new. Intriguing, but a bit too humanlike for my taste.”

He groaned, burying his head in his hands. Eret had apologized, but for the evening they were meant to host a gathering for the renowned vampire families within the continent. Wilbur had been forced to wear a yellow suit that had a collar that scratched and irritated his neck. After an hour of being gazed and prodded at, he’d had enough of the gathering and had snuck away to a secluded balcony. Fuck Eret’s reputation. Unfortunately, a nuisance had followed after him.

“What, and humans are as good as livestock for you?”

“What of you? Do you understand that not all vampires kill those that they feed upon?”

“Doesn’t change that you’re all bloodsucking leeches.” He huffed, turning away to gaze into the distance. In the forest, one could see the stars of the night, but the only lights Wilbur wanted to see were of a village far, far away. It’s been years. Phil wasn’t coming for him. Neither was Techno. He rubbed at his wrists, the silence felt nice… but he knew the other vampire hadn’t left.

“That’s your issue. You still act human when you’re no longer one. Haven’t you understood that you’re trapped just like the rest of us… well, the rest of them?” The stranger moved to stand next to him, placing their arms against the cold stone banister. Wilbur took a moment to glance over, his breath catching in his throat. A pair of warm chocolate eyes stared up at him curiously. The stranger wore a light blue suit, and despite Wilbur’s assumption that all vampires were tall, this stranger was short… shorter than Wilbur. He was dressed finely, carrying himself with a strong elegance that only years of nobility could give. The only oddity was the goggles around his neck.

“...what do you mean?”

“I’ve been alive for centuries.” The stranger sighed, “I’m one of the ancients.”

“So you’ve turned many innocents into monsters.” The stranger let out a low laugh, mirthless and tired. It sounded like they’ve been told the same accusation before. Wilbur squirmed right where he stood. In truth, the stranger was far from what he expected an Ancient Vampire to be. Phil had told them that Ancient Vampires were powerful, and that they barely even looked human at all. His dad had never been wrong… and he would never lie. “But you look… normal.”

“Humans and exaggerations.” The stranger rolled his eyes, arching a brow at Wilbur. “Why do you cling to human beliefs? In the end they are inferior… and some are monsters themselves.”

“That’s not true.”

“What? Do you believe that all human misery stems from the existence of vampires?”

The stranger sighed, casting his gaze to the heavens. “Think. Aren’t we all monsters in our own ways?” He paused, catching Wilbur’s eye. “Vampires, humans… we all are monsters. A vampire who kills for the sake of killing and a father who abandons his son to die… both monsters, hm?”

He stayed silent for a long while, letting his heart finally crack under the truth. “I’m Wilbur.”

The stranger scoffed, a smile playing on his lips. “I’m George Lore. A pleasure to meet you.”

---

“He’s an actual angel.”

Wilbur watched his husband cradle the human boy that they had taken from a nearby village, the poor baby looked pale, his breath coming out in short huffs. George had wrapped an orange ribbon around their son’s neck, concealing the bite marks that would begin their son’s transformation. He had wanted to turn the boy himself, but George had intervened. Wilbur had only been a vampire for ten years, he wouldn’t have the self-control to simply bite and not feed.

“He bumped into me.” Wilbur chuckled, “I just knew he was perfect.”

‘It had been odd. His father had stated once before that vampires couldn’t walk underneath the sunlight, but that had been a terrible misconception, one that Eret and George had both laughed at. The idea had stemmed from - actually, they were an ancestor of Eret - a vampire who had had a very dramatic reaction to the sun after decades of being chained inside an underground vault.

Wilbur laughed mirthlessly. Another lie. Maybe vampire hunters were just full of shit.

He walked through the bustling streets of the city, his pace slow and relaxed. He’d gone with Eret to procure a few fruits from the village market, but while Eret’s back was turned, Wilbur snuck away to have a morning stroll around the wooden buildings and through the small alleyways.

Wilbur had slipped into an alleyway when a bright orange blur bumped right onto him. If he had been human, he would have continued on, slightly irritated but unaware of the crime that had just been committed. But he hadn’t been human for so long, and the world to him was a swirl of motion and color. Slow, the present quickly melting into the past. He gripped the hand that had snuck into his pocket, his vice-like grip nearly bruising as he pulled the orange blur to face him. A pained whine escaped the thief, small and so childlike that Wilbur had nearly let them go then and there. He kept his mercy at bay, eyes narrowed dangerously at the cretin who had dared to—

Wide brown eyes flecked with gold stared up at him in fear. The child had collapsed completely in Wilbur’s hold, practically hanging against the hand that was curled around his wrist. Wilbur adjusted his grasp, easing up so as not to hurt the poor child. But he’d been a bit too late. A river of tears cascaded down the child’s cheeks, small whimpers piercing through the quiet air.

“I’m sorry!” The child continued to cry, “Please don’t hurt me! I just… I was so hungry…”

“You were hungry?” The question only made them cry even louder. “Oh no, it’s alright. Shhhh.”

He kneeled so that he was at face-level with the child. “What’s your name, champ?”

“F-Fundy…” The boy sniffed, wiping his nose on the tattered sleeve of his black jacket. Wilbur took in the child’s clothes, the dirt that clung to pale skin… Wilbur didn’t need to ask to know. He gently let go of the child, careful to keep a hand on the child’s back so that he wouldn’t immediately try to run away. Fundy didn’t move, his bottom lip trembling. Wilbur continued to shush him, moving the child so that he was closer to him, enough for Wilbur to catch him in case he tried to run away. Fundy was hungry. Wilbur knew a thing or two about hunger. The boy was still staring at him. He made a quick decision. Wilbur smiled. He and George did want a kid…’

“He was hungry. I couldn’t just leave him, love.”

Wilbur approached George, his husband had placed Fundy back on the huge bed that seemed to swallow him. He was so small. He ran a hand through their son’s curly hair, catching George’s eye as his husband bit into his wrist. Newly made vampires needed their sire’s blood to survive.

“Well,” George placed his wrist above Fundy’s lips. “He won’t go hungry now that we’re here.”

---

Techno sharpened his dagger.

The glow of the fire illuminated the monster’s face, the dark blood that pooled against their pale skin a constant reminder that the person before him was nothing more than a bloodsucking leech upon humanity. He sheathed his dagger, a part of him eager to pierce through the vampire’s skin and tear out their heart. He couldn’t, not yet. They were bait for the Ancient. His actual target.

“He won’t come,” the vampire muttered. “Not for me. We aren’t kin… o-or are you—?”

“I’m here for Lore.” Techno huffed, “Not Brine.”

The beast raised their gaze, the warm fire somehow weaker against the light of their pure white eyes. It was the mark of the Brine Vampire Clan, powerful ancient vampires that once brought chaos upon the world. But to Techno, this particular vampire was more damning than any other vampire in existence. He knew their face, he knew their name. Wilbur had trusted them once, and look where that had gotten him. Mutilated somewhere, a decomposing corpse that would never find its way back home. “You haven’t killed me yet. I would have thought that you…”

“I wish I’d killed you those years ago.” He had been so close. A few inches off the heart. If only his aim hadn’t been so shaky back then, then maybe Wilbur would still be… “I wish I did.”

Tommy had hated him for being late. Their relationship had never recovered after that fateful night. If Techno hadn’t hesitated. If Techno hadn’t froze the moment he realized where the vampire had run off to. If Techno had run just a bit faster. By the time he reached their house, Tommy had collapsed by his and Wilbur’s bedroom door, skin so pale that Techno worried that the vampire had gotten him too. He’d taken one look at the empty bedroom, the white curtains billowing as the night air came from the open window, dark blood left to dry on the carpet. He’d known. He’d known back then. His twin was gone. Devoured by a beast that he’d failed to kill.

“Techno, I am sorry. I can’t help what I am. You injured me, I was injured, bleeding, and scared. My instincts took over. I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt Wil.” His hand clenched against the hilt of his blade. He would not listen to such lies. Twenty years. Twenty years since the monster before him took away his twin brother. Twenty years of blaming himself for failing. Phil never blamed him, of course his dad would never blame him. But on bad days, Phil would confuse him for Wilbur finally come back to them. That’s why he’d dyed his hair.

“Senseless apologies do not bring the dead back to life. It does not mend the frayed relationships of a broken family. It does not erase the years of guilt and sorrow. It does not erase the hurt that you caused. You took away a life, and I should take away yours. Wilbur wouldn’t have wanted me to. He was our family’s poet, the one who could see the beauty of the world despite the monsters that lurked within it. I should kill you for the pain you’ve caused my family.” Techno’s hand trembled. The beast stared at him through the orange flame, a perplexed look crossing their face. Of course, they wouldn’t understand human grief. “I’ll have your head after I have Lore’s.”

He took a deep breath. If there had been any other vampire that could bait the Ancient, then Techno would have gladly used them instead. Being around this particular vampire brought forth emotions that he’d buried years ago. There was still a question that was poised at the tip of his tongue, an urge to ask what Eret had done to his twin’s corpse. Had they buried him? Or had they left Wilbur to rot until nature consumed every piece of his body? He wanted to know, but he feared that the vampire would mock him. So, he kept his question unasked. Ignorance was bliss.

---

“Techno.” He froze, hands poised over the silver-lined ropes that kept Eret’s hands tied behind their back. Wilbur had snuck closer into the empty camp, ears desperately trying to catch every little noise, but the fire had rendered his efforts useless. Techno had used the crackle of wood to disguise his footsteps, using it to sneak behind Wilbur, a familiar blade pressed to the side of his neck. The dagger wavered, but it stayed where it was. He took a chance to look behind him.

It was like looking at a mirror, except he didn’t have pink hair. “Wilbur…?”

A flicker of disbelief danced in those emotionless eyes, it surprised him. A part of him looked at his twin, and he could almost feel his old human heart beat inside his chest. He wanted to reach out, pull his brother into a tight embrace. Techno had grown up… and Wilbur knew he was the same age he was when he’d been turned. He was happy to see Techno again, but… the blade lowered from his neck. Yet Techno hesitated. Suddenly, all the bitterness and pain came surging back. Techno didn’t care for him. To his twin brother, he was nothing but another beast to slay.

He gripped the hilt of the dagger, twisting it away from his brother’s grasp before Techno could even fight back. His family had left him for dead. And now Techno was here to kill Eret and George, maybe he’d end up harming Fundy too. Wilbur can’t have that. He won’t lose his family.

Wilbur bared his fangs, “I’ll kill you. Take a single step, Technoblade, and I will tear you open.”

=============================================================

I didn’t mean to... but like, midway while I was writing this I suddenly decided “nah, don’t make the vampires so one-dimensional.” So yeah, a lot of misconceptions on the side of vampire hunters regarding vampires but some vampires still do kill people and most still see themselves as superior to humans.

Also, yes. Eret is the vampire who took Wilbur because I wanted a bit of angst and I was like: “Hey, make Eret’s betrayal here be the fact that he and Wil are best friends but turns out Eret is a vampire.” Eret never meant to turn Wilbur, but it ended up happening anyway.

Now... about Fundy’s turning... I will leave that ambiguous. While he is in fact an orphan and lives in the streets, it was never mentioned here whether or not he agreed to being turned into a vampire.

Also also, I wasn’t gonna add Techno’s pov but like... “I Didn’t Say Goodbye” from The Mad Ones started playing and I was just: okay, Techno angst time.

I apologize for not adding Tommy but I didn’t know where to put him XD

So yeah, hope you guys liked this!

#wilbur soot #georgenotfound dsmp #georgebur #eret #fundy #philza #technoblade #dream smp fanfiction #dsmp #vampire au

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passable-talent · 5 years ago

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Part 7 of the Dai Li series please!!! Excellent work again, as usual- I'm DYING XD

guess how long it took for this request to come in?

eleven minutes!! thats a new record!!

and so we return... ANOTHER whole month later!

“I need you to tell me what happened to Iroh.”

Zuko kept your gaze, his eyes almost wide. You didn’t look away, couldn’t let yourself. A few heartbeats passed, and he looked away, shame clear on his face.

“He was put in jail,” Zuko said, closing his eyes. “I visited him often, but when I went to help him break out during the eclipse, he was already gone.” Slowly, his gaze returned to you. “I wish I could tell you I knew where he was.” It made sense, what he was saying, and you knew he wasn’t lying. You had hoped something else had become of Iroh, that day, that maybe he’d escaped after securing yours, but some part of you knew that he was likely jailed in the Fire Nation, if not dead.

Broken out, though. He had made it out- just like Zuko. Maybe, someday, they’d see each other again.

But for now, you were satisfied. Zuko, though responsible for Iroh’s imprisonment in an odd way, was ashamed of it. And you wouldn’t hold against him actions that he was paying for. Your heart beating, yet stinging like a raw wound, you fell back into his chest, spending any long moment you could in his arms, the sky darkening around you and revealing its stars.

The days before Sozin’s Comet just felt odd.

Four days from the comet, you went to a play, which didn’t mention you at all. That pissed you off- you were instrumental to their escape from Ba Sing Se! Who the hell else would’ve protected Katara from Azula if not you? Not to mention Zuko died in it, which surprised all of you, most of all, Zuko.

His upset from the night before bled into the next morning, when he attacked Aang. The terror in your chest, when you saw the fire struck toward the avatar again, was thick and visceral. You never thought you’d see him attack Aang again, not after Ba Sing Se, and you didn’t understand what had happened that made him so violent, so suddenly.

But when you attempted to come to Aang’s aid, and stood between the avatar and the prince, you caught his gaze. That malice that you’d seen in Ba Sing Se, that you’d hated so much, that you expected to see now, in a prince gone mad- it wasn’t there.

Zuko wasn’t doing this out of hatred for Aang.

It stunned you enough that the prince slipped past you, continuing his attack. You watched as a spectator, until they dove into the attic, your mind swimming. What could Zuko be thinking?

Okay, so he was confused at Aang’s complacency. Real interesting decision making process there, Zuzu, attacking him to resolve such an issue.

Three days from the comet. You run a drill- which didn’t make much sense as an actual plan, you had to say, but not many of these other teenagers had the benefit of actual military training like you. Your job was to draw fire with Sokka and Suki- and, though Sokka didn’t admit it, to be an earthbender who could throw up a shield at any time. It was fun training, which you hadn’t really gotten to be a part of for a while.

Two days from the comet, and Aang is missing.

Which is really, really, really bad.

Like, sure, the kid wasn’t exactly super ready to face Ozai, but he’s still the avatar, right? That’s still got to count for something. And he’s missing, leaving a very gifted and still extremely underqualified gaggle of teenagers to face the Fire Lord.

So you went to the Earth Kingdom. Zuko took you to an old friend named Jun, who seemed to go way back, back to before you’d met Zuko. She seemed like she’d be helpful, but then revealed even more deeply unsettling information- Aang was gone. Which was much, much worse than missing.

So, facing the Fire Lord without the Avatar. How fun.

And yet, there was a glimmer of hope, in the form of an old, smelly sandal, which really made you wonder why the hell Zuko still had it. And, really, now that you thought about it, how Zuko even got it. The Shirshu could definitely catch a scent from that- anyone with a half working nose could.

One day from Sozin’s comet, and most of it was already gone, spent chasing a shirshu across the Earth Kingdom. Appa was the best, letting you sleep on a massive paw, and though he was itchy, it was much better than taking the time to set up your beds. Though, your rest didn’t last long- quickly you were ambushed, a ring of fire surrounding you. Four men looked down upon you, and though you didn’t recognize three of them, you did know King Bumi, and assumed that the others must be friends, if he were in league with them.

“Well, look who’s here!” Bumi said, a snorting laugh following his words. You saw relief and joy on Sokka and Katara’s face, and so you knew that your assumption was true. It seemed like, for the first time in a few days, you were about to catch a break.

“What’s going on? We’re surrounded by old people.” A smile cracking your face, you had to be grateful for Toph, and her outlook on the world.

“Not just any old people. These are great masters, and friends of ours!” She bowed to an old man with long white hair. “Pakku.”

“It is respectful to bow to an old master,” he said, returning her bow, “but how about a hug, for your new grandfather?” You raised an eyebrow as the siblings reacted with surprise, but not too much, like that was a normal thing to say, if exciting. Following their conversation, though, you picked up enough details to figure out a bit of the history that they must’ve had.

“And this was Aang’s first firebending teacher!” Katara explained, and Sokka went on to explain the name of the third.

“Master Piandao,” he said, and you smiled brightly, even if it was to yourself- this was truly a lucky day.

“So, wait, how do you all know each other?” Suki asked.

“All old people know each other, don’t you know that?” Bumi said with another snorting laugh.

“We’re all part of the same ancient secret society,” Piandao explain, causing your gaze to shift to the matching uniforms they each wore. “A group that transcends the divisions of the four nations.

“The Order of the White Lotus,” Zuko interjected, and you looked sideways at him, wondering how he knew that. He had a smile on his face- he looked hopeful.

“That’s the one!” Bumi answered.

“The White Lotus has always been about philosophy, and beauty, and truth,” Jeong-Jeong began, and as you crossed your arms over yourself to protect them from the wind, you were glad that such a society exists in such a war-torn world. “But about a month ago, a call went out that we were needed for something important.”

“It came from our Grand Lotus,” Pakku said, diverting his eyes to Zuko. “Your uncle. Iroh of the Fire Nation.” While Zuko’s expression softened, yours brightened- Iroh was as trustworthy as you had always known him to be. You were glad to know that he kept peace just as much as he preached it.

“Well, that’s who we’re looking for,” Toph said.

“Then we’ll take you to him.” Reaching Jun and her shirshu, it felt sure that you were going to see Iroh again. But when you followed her for a day, the inevitability of it dribbled away. Yet here, again, your hope renewed, that you could see him again, and be reminded that there was at least one adult in the world that you could really, deeply trust.

“Wait,” Bumi shouted, shoving himself to the midst of the conversation, “There’s someone missing from your group. Someone very important... where’s Momo??”

“He’s gone,” Sokka said, clearly deeply troubled by having Bumi’s nose pressed to his face, “and so is Aang.”

“Oh well, so long as they have each other, I’m sure we have nothing to worry about!” Bumi said, prompting you to wonder what the king had seen and experienced to allow news such as a missing avatar to not startle him. “Let’s go!”

It was a surprisingly far walk to the Order’s camp, in which the old masters caught up with their friends, and filled each other in on details. You kept quiet, having not personally known any of them.

The sun came up as you reached the camp, and Zuko entered his uncle’s tent, to wait. You sat outside with Toph, but decide not to practice your seismics- whatever was happening between Zuko and Iroh deserved to stay between them.

A nice stew was your breakfast, the gaang all sitting around its pot, with Iroh sitting at the head of the group. You’d sat between Zuko and Toph, one leg propped up on its foot with the other extended in front of you. Iroh had given you a long hug when he saw you- delighted that you had continued your path alongside the avatar, and secretly even more delighted that Zuko’s path had also lead him back to you.

“Uncle, you’re the only person other than the avatar who can possibly defeat the fatherlord,” Zuko said, and though you heard his mistake, you only smiled into your stew.

“You mean the Fire Lord.” Because you could count on Toph to do it for you.

“That’s what I just said,” Zuko snapped, but it was merely his temper, not true anger. “We need you to come with us.” Iroh seemed to consider for a moment.

“No, Zuko, it won’t turn out well,” Iroh began, and you lifted your head, ready to hear true, unfiltered Iroh wisdom.

“You can beat him,” Zuko insisted, before looking sideways across the rest of the group. “And we’ll be there to help.” You gave him a smile, but ultimately turned your attention back to Iroh.

“Even if I did defeat Ozai,” he began, “and I don’t know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History will see it as more senseless violence: a brother killing a brother to grab power.” Slowly you brought another bite of your stew to your lips, but once you had, your chopsticks slowly maneuvered around your fingers, finding a way to fidget as you considered. “The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the avatar to defeat the Fire Lord.” You let out a quick breath, recognizing the sense in his words, but feeling worry reveal itself. Wasn’t Aang... gone? Off world?

“And then... would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?” Zuko asked.

“No,” Iroh said, quickly, like he’d been prepared for such a question. “Someone new must take the throne- an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor.” He was speaking directly to Zuko, and you understood before he’d had to say it. “It has to be you, Prince Zuko.”

In all the time you’d known Zuko, you had known him as a lot of different things. Refugee. Waiter. Friend. Crush. Traitor. Enemy. Prince. Fire Nation. And in all that time, you’d realized his lineage, as the eldest child of the Fire Lord, and certainly most sane. Yet, in all that time, you’d never considered what he was poised to become: the Fire Lord himself.

In that moment, you nearly felt the need to bow, or scoot away, as though you were reminded of his royalty, the true meaning of the term ‘prince’. Wasn’t the bloodline of the Fire Nation royals considered to have been made royal by the spirits?

Inferiority didn’t even begin to cover it, but you’d worry about that another day.

“Unquestionable honor?” He asked, looking away from his uncle. “But I’ve made so many mistakes.” At long last, days after you felt like you had finally forgiven the prince, you were put in a position where you could accept or deny the way he had hurt you in the past. But you weren’t just an earth kingdom citizen, not anymore. You were world-travelled, a soldier, a warrior, a friend to the future fire lord and the avatar alike. You knew the mature and good and right thing to do. And in that moment, it wasn’t to hold above him the things he’d done to you, but instead to recognize the way he’d overcome them. You shuffled closer to him.

“Yes, you have,” Iroh admitted, his gaze briefly meeting yours. “You’ve struggled, you’ve suffered.” Gently, you took one hand from your bowl, and laid it on his, where he’d left it on his knee. He didn’t look at you, but his fingers slid around yours slowly. “But you have always followed your own path. You have restored your own honor. And only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation.”

“I’ll try, uncle,” he promised, and you knew he would make good on it.

“Well, what if Aang doesn’t come back?” Toph asked, and you once again thanked her for saying the things you couldn’t seem to get past your tongue.

“Sozin’s comet is arriving, and our destinies are upon us,” Iroh declared, using his chopsticks for emphasis. “Aang will face the Fire Lord. When I was a boy, I had a vision that I would one day take Ba Sing Se. Only now do I see that my destiny is to take it back, from the Fire Nation, so the Earth Kingdom can be free again.”

“That’s why you’ve gathered the members of the White Lotus,” Suki said, her words prompting you to look around at the dozen other old masters, who would be more than capable of pulling your mighty home city from the grasp of a few Fire Nation soldiers.

“Yes,” Iroh agreed, turning his gaze back to the prince. “Zuko, you must return to the Fire Nation, so that when the Fire Lord falls, you can assume the throne, and restore peace, and honor. But Azula will be there, waiting for you.”

“I can handle Azula,” Zuko said, malice written across his face, but this time for your first real enemy.

“Not alone,” Iroh insisted, “you’ll need help.”

“You’re right,” Zuko admitted. “Katara, Y/N. How would you like to help me put Azula in her place?” A devious smile spread over Katara’s face.

“It would be my pleasure,” she said, and you couldn’t help but smile as their gazes turned to you.

“She’s had it coming,” you said, cracking your knuckles of your free hand into your thigh.

“What about us?” Sokka asked, from between Toph and Suki, “What’s our destiny today?”

“What do you think it is?” Iroh asked, halfway to his next mouthful of stew, and for a moment you saw Mushi again, being cheeky back at the Jasmine Dragon when he suggested you do something that would put you in Zuko’s path.

“I think that,” Sokka began, considering, “even though we don’t know where Aang is, we need to do everything we can to stop the airship fleet.”

“And that means, when Aang does face the Fire Lord, we’ll be right there if he needs us.” Toph’s attitude, as though she would take on the comet herself, and win, filled you with a sense of hope. You could win the day.

You rested your back against Appa’s saddle, leaning over the side to say your goodbyes to the Order.

“So if I’m going to be Fire Lord after the war is over,” Zuko said, once again reminding you of such an insane fact, “What are you going to do?”

“After I reconquer Ba Sing Se, I’m going to reconquer my tea shop!” You couldn’t help but laugh, remembering the place you’d fallen in love with Zuko, back before the world had fallen down around you. You could imagine going back there, when it was all over. “And I’m going to play Pai Sho every day!” His happiness, his hope, was infectious.

“Goodbye, General Iroh,” Katara said, and you leaned down on your elbow, as though you could give him one last hug before you left. You already had- but that didn’t curb the impulse.

“Goodbye, everyone. Today, destiny is our friend. I know it.” You could believe him. For that moment, you were filled with strength, and the feeling that though the day would be hard, it would be won. It had to be.

Appa kicked off from the ground, and you crawled to the front of the saddle, closer to Zuko.

“Hey, Zuko?” You asked, taking a deep breath.

“Yes?” he didn’t look away from Appa’s path, but turned his head toward you.

“When this is all over, I...” you swallowed, hard, but kept yourself from putting it off any further. “I’m ready to love you again. I think I already do.”

And then, in that moment, for Zuko, there was a thousand more reasons why he needed to win the day.

-🦌 Roe

stay tuned (aka request) for the series finale...

edit: | part 8 |

tag list: @lammello @kittyddandnyla @aangsupremacy @qquell @caitff @coldlilheart @sleeping-with-the-fishes @duh-dobrik @dxcter @furblrwurblr @eridanuswave @bernadineisreborn @angxlicwanda @lmaoashley-blog @celamoon @mywigglybaby @silentwhispofhope @the-girl-in-the-box @mavix @eury-dice3 @ninipoo1 @bigbuckyenergy @lucensei @srgania @uncovered-mad-man @11mb0 @deansbbysblog @pillowjj @ilovespideyyy @heavensgaymenace @thearachna-kid @llama2264 @anime-simp @akariblue @lostgirlheart @kacchasu @ctrl-alt-jeon @tadpoledancer @i-bitch-you-bitch @wetleafwrites @annie-17 @vintageroses10 @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak @smol-vy @lana-isabelle @doomedcampesinos @luleck @izzieserra @little-miss-sleep-deprived

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siren-of-redriver96 · 3 years ago

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Villian Heights (part 8)

(reading Wuthering Heights for the first time and trying to figure out the deal with this book with some assumptions from previous summaries of the story)

Today: from the point where Linton comes to Thrusscross Grange to the loveletter debacle)

(spoilers and kind of heavy themes - also strong language)

Also, I totally forgot I named Cathy Cathylin to avoid confusion XD here it is again

poor Linton - he just lost his mom and now he has to hold himself back to not upset Cathylin - really Edgar?

well at least he tells her to leave him alone for tonight

what’s wrong, Edgar asked when the kid who just lost his mom cried

it’s the chair ... honestly I think he’s just confused from grief. Let him go to bed people, ffs!

well, at least Edgar is patient with him

Cathylin, you were supposed to leave him alone - but nevermind, how she cared for him was freaking adorable

aaand Nelly was right. Heathcliff is not the kind of person who leaves something to others. I’m still surprised he never came for Isabella.

Linton has the right instinct unintentionally - yeah, you should stay with your uncle

How am I supposed to love him if I don’t know him? Oh boy you have no idea.....

kinda scary how much they lie to him to get him to come along ...

Heathcliff and Joseph, sympathetic as always

I’m jealous and want his love all for myself. Well, at least you’re honest Heathy. Poor child

okay, he’s a bit spoiled (I mean, the Lintons were too, so Isabella treated him accordingly - maybe we’ll learn a little more about their history as the story goes on)

heartbroken at how he screams in insane fear that he doesn’t want to stay there ... spot on kid. You really don’t want to

okay Linton is, again, a bit spoiled, but he’s also sickly, I don’t really blame him - still it seems he’s kind of unkind

sad that Hareton tries to befriend him and it doesn’t work

Cathylin’s birthday is never celebrated happily because it’s her mother’s death date - that’s sad, but then again she’s got a lot of blessings

she’s so happy go lucky, it’s sad to imagine the angry person she turns into further down the line

re-reading, for a moment I thought Cathylin was intentionally forcing Nelly to come with her into the area around Wuthering Heights to maybe get caught and see Linton again - but no, she doesn’t know Heathcliff

aaand Heathcliffs plan to get both properties through marrying Linton and Cathylin and then waiting for firsts death - we got a villian! That’s almost cartoonish

Listening to “Poker Face” while writing this - even though he’s pretty honest to Nelly about the details of his plans - like I said, cartoon villian

poor Cathylin is sunshining everywhere - I like the detail that her body is full and yet lean, a little body positivity

I just realized she talks just as much as Cathy XD

Heathcliff verbally abuses Linton, great, and would rather have Hareton as his son. Obvious parallel how old Earnshaw favoured him, though for other reasons and much differently, he doesn’t like either of the boys

he still spoils Linton and has encouraged his meanness ... well what to expect

Cathylin being rude to Hareton - okay she’s done that before, kind of

Heathcliff’s devilish laugh - lol, cartoon villian moment Nr. 3

we have another example of three kids together, one is older - but the dynamic is much different

Cathylin is really rude - I mean, Edgar didn’t teach her any better, plus the golden cage upbringing - kinda sad

her wanting to hear good reasons for Edgars bans is actually pretty refreshing

the letter sceme is kinda cool

Heathcliff even helped with them, geez. He is a villian

Nelly burning them one by one and threatening to tell her father must be really cruel from Cathylins perspective

even though she’s only fouling Heathcliffs plan

it would be easier if she just told Cathylin the truth, although she probably wouldn’t believe it

Thank you very much for reading!

#villian heights #wuthering heights

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silkentragedies · 4 years ago

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Average at Best

Angel! Jisung X fem! Demon Reader

1.1k words, Implied Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, inaccurate descriptions of angels and demons(?)

This piece of fiction does not reflect the actions or the real life Han Jisung. Not meant for minors.

The first thing you sensed even before your eyes opened was the weight of an arm nestling you closer into a warmer-than-normal body. By instinct, you nestled closer into the body, nuzzling your nose into the crook of the person’s neck. They groaned in response, a soft, deep groan that pulled you out of your sleep almost instantly, your brain placing the voice even in the sleepiest of states. Oh, stars, of all the fucking people-

A surprised screech escaped your lips as you scrambled away from the warm body, your own protesting as the blankets fell away from your frame, exposing your bare shoulders and back to the chilly morning air. Now that you’d put some distance between yourself and the offending body, you watched in growing horror as their eyes fluttered open, bleary but quickly coming to consciousness.

“Holy fuck.” You muttered, and Han Jisung’s eyes lit up with an almost predatory gleam despite his sleepiness, his long, tousled blonde hair only adding to his rakish appearance. “I’m sure I am.” A smirk curled up the sides of his lips as he pulled himself up to rest his back against the headboard, his skin gleaming in an unfairly lovely manner against the morning sun. You would say angelic, but the expression on his face and the purple-red marks that were scattered over the expanse of his skin implied otherwise. You followed the marks from the side of his neck to his collarbone, chest and stomach, stopping at the edge of the blanket that had fallen to his waist. No, not angelic at all. Besides, the tilted halo that was resting against his hair already gave away his ancestry. “Don’t flatter yourself, you were average at best.” You scoffed in amusement, pulling the blanket away from Jisung to shield yourself from the cold as you curled up in the corner of the bed, facing away from him- your bed, thankfully. Jisung would have to be the one to do the walk of shame past your roommates. Your...your very demon roommates oh, unholy stars- Despite yourself, your mind flashed back to the rather...inappropriate events of the night past. Jisung had always found it amusing to flirt rather dangerously with you and then disappear before the nights ran out- but yesterday, he stayed. You remembered how he had sidled up to you in the middle of Minho’s raucous party, hands surreptitiously smoothing over your curves before stopping at your waist in his usual greeting hug. How you’d goaded him into coming home with you- leading to your fingers curled into his belt loops as you pulled his body flush against yours, lips catching each other against your closed bedroom door. His halo had been upright until then, the faint loop floating over the top of his head. “I’m sure the sounds your roommates heard last night proves you wrong.” Jisung scoffed, but you stoutly refused to turn around and face him despite the shuffling and rustling that ensued behind you. That is until one firm yank of the sheets had you exclaiming at the cold that wreaked through your body- Jisung had pulled the blankets back towards himself, leaving you bare to the elements. “Aren’t you angels supposed to be caring and kind? Haven’t you heard of sharing, dipshit?” you hissed, finally twisting to glare half-heartedly at Jisung before pulling the sheets back over your body- But you only found Jisung much closer to you than you expected, his bronze eyes still shining in the sunlight. “We’re not entitled to share anything with liars. Much less demons,” he murmured, still staring intently at you. “Well, it’s not yours to share, Mr Holier-than-thou. You’re in my bed.” You gritted out, resolutely slipping into the blankets. Now, if you could properly ignore the fact that you were nose-to-nose with the angel you’d slept with the night before, his bare skin now brushing against yours at every joint and curve. The ever-present smirk on his face only widened when his other hand slid up your arm, getting a shiver to run down your spine. His ghosting touch was weirdly reminiscent of the night past, only bringing back the memories, each more vivid than before. One would think angels had the highest modicum of self control a being could possibly have. Han Jisung only served to prove that assumption wrong with the way he pushed you up against the door the previous night after nary but a few minutes of your good natured teasing. “If you’re gonna touch me, sweetheart,” he’d murmured against your skin, nipping and sucking the first of many marks onto your neck, “touch me like you mean it, yeah? Or must I show you how?” And the promise behind those words were enough for you to pull him towards your bed, tangled in a mess of teeth and limbs. Demons weren’t the model of self-control to start with- and this celestial being seemed ready to be the reason you lost yours altogether. It was like he had an innate sense of what could make you see stars, using said senses to edge you within an inch of the pleasure you craved, smooth and oh so frustrating. It hadn’t taken you long to break and beg for more, breath leaving your dry throat in gasps and moans. Your breath hitched and stuttered when Jisung’s thumb brushed over the outline of your lips, where remnants of lipstick still clung. “I feel like I should remind you,” you whisper against his finger, “ that you’re in the wrong bed.” “And here I was, thinking you enjoyed having me in your bed.” he eventually giggled, pulling you closer into his chest. A wry smile creeped up your lips, betraying your amusement- begrudging as it was. Even you weren’t immune to the angel’s subtle charms. “As I said, you were average at best.” you laughed, finally letting your body settle into Jisung’s arms, not too differently from how you were intertwined when you woke up. Your fingertips traced over Jisung’s collarbone before resting on his chest, your nose nuzzling closer into his familiar scent. “You keep saying that to yourself, darling.” he grinned mockingly, dropping a kiss against your hairline. “It’s as the law says, opposites always attract.” You smacked his chest lightly, leaning up to stare reproachfully at him. “That still isn’t a good enough excuse for me to be sleeping with a bloody angel!” You giggled, prompting Jisung to let out a quiet laugh as well. “Atleast you won’t have to walk around with physical evidence of dallying with demons.” He sighed as your giggles settled down, waving vaguely at the lopsided halo that flattened his hair. “It’s gonna take a few hours to straighten up again, so I’m stuck here.” “Can’t you get stuck somewhere that isn’t my bed, angel?” you poked his nose, making him blink and scrunch his nose for a second. You couldn’t help but watch in unconscious fascination as his hair slipped over his eyes and brushed against his cheekbones in messy strands, time flowing oddly slow- “You’re looking at me like I’m fucking Mona Lisa, I think I’ll stay here just so you can admire my glowing beauty and sparkling personality some more.” Your eyes narrowed, before you braced your hands on his chest and pushed him over the edge of your bed and onto the floor, barely stopping the blankets from being dragged down with him. Letting out a loud crow of laughter, you watched as he dragged himself his feet, looking even more disheveled from the tumble, eyes narrowed in mock annoyance. “Like I said, you’re average at best.”

This was My Pace Jisung brainrot which happened after @decembermoonskz sent me the coolest prompt xD. Here it is:

“What can I say? Opposites attract.” “That is really not a good excuse for sleeping with a bloody angel!”

I enjoyed the banter on this too much pfff- Do let me know what you think! xoxo, A.

Possibly interested parties: @aliceu @popisdead @illicit-roses @lavenderbexlatte @cuokka @jl-micasea @delicatewerewolfsoul @kisskissbanggang (drop me an ask to be added or removed! )

#han jisung #jisung smut #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz x reader #jisung x reader #skz scenarios #skz smut #ana.writes skz

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prompt-master · 4 years ago

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THIS BITCH FUCKING DYING XD XD X'D

This is a lighthearted comedy fic, but I’m going to give a warning for mention/talks of suicide and death.

Now this may be a shocking sentiment to share; but being in a killing game fucking sucked, even if you were Momota Kaito. As ludicrous as that statement appears, heroes had a tough time in tragedy too. Kaito found himself feeling disappointed more often than he would like at the sight of his companions distrusting each other. How were they supposed to work together and escape if people were “scared” that they would be “murdered”?! Kaito believed in trust to the bitter end and he would see that philosophy through. To point the finger at others and accuse them of murder is simply what the mastermind wanted him to do, and if Kaito was anything he was not a loser.

But that’s part of what made his sidekick so incredible! No hero was complete without his supporting role! Of course, Shuichi was much more than a supporting role. In many ways he was the protagonist of his own world (Kaito is still the hero of this story, make no mistake). Even though Shuichi relied on the motivation of others to see himself through, he was probably one of the most capable men he’d ever met. His intinution and detective skills were essential to each trial when his thoughts weren’t fogged up by mental recoil. And despite his reclusive demeanor, he was a good friend to have that everyone wanted the best for. Shuichi was Kaito’s sidekick and it showed! For his sidekick had to stand on his own as one of the best!

...Well, maybe sometimes Shuichi didn’t have a leg to stand on because he didn’t look so dependable laying face-down on the ground.

“Shuichi! Are you- what are you doing?”

Shuichi was down on the ground in front of his Ultimate Lab with his foot stuck propping the door open. He didn’t lift his head up when Kaito called out his name, instead opting for a string of gibberish and raising one hand off the ground.

“No, seriously. What are you doing?” Kaito propped the dizzy detective up against the wall, catching him as he nearly swayed back down to the floor in response. Kaito took note of his flushed face and unfocused demeanor. There wasn’t...booze in this killing game right? That would suck. A killing game and booze wouldn’t mix well. Although some may disagree and say a pint is just the pick me up after watching one of your friends be slaughtered.

“M-Momota-kun…” it seemed Shuichi was gathering his bearings again. He braced himself against Kaito by gripping his sleeves.

“Alright, c’mon Shuichi. Let’s get you to the others. I’m sure they can help us out somehow!”

“Ah but...first things first…” Shuichi looked up at Kaito with a determined resolve in his eyes typically reserved for class trials.

“If I die, it’s a suicide.”

Huh?

HUH?!

WHAT?!

“Shuichi?!” Kaito shook Shuichi by the shoulders until he looked ready to pass out and keel over for good, “Why would you do that?! You have so much to live for!”

And Shuichi had the damn nerve to look exasperated by the panic, “Ack- Momota-kun please calm down it was an accident!”

“How do you accidentally kill yourself?!”

“Well it happens all the time really but-”

“That’s not reassuring coming from you! Just-” Kaito took a deep breath to steady his frustrations, “why the hell are you dying?”

“It’s- haha, well uhm, it’s a bit of a funny story you see-” Shuichi stopped his ramblings at Kaito’s unimpressed glare, Shuichi sighed and slumped over with a sense of shame and embarrassment, “I was in my lab familiarizing myself with the various poisons in case anyone tried to use one, but ended up dropping a bottle of powder on the floor and inhaling quite a bit.”

“T-that sounds pretty serious…” Kaito mumbled. “How do you treat a toxic inhalant?...How do I help you..? Just say the word and I’ll be there, sidekick!”

Shuichi closed his eyes and rested against the door. After a moment he said “At this rate, people will assume you killed me since you were with me all this time. So, to prove that it was a suicide-”

“Shuichi I asked how to save you not how to solve your murder.”

Shuichi tilted his head with a fog of puzzlement in his eyes, “...but solving murders is what I do?”

“Well don’t do it right now! I’m trying to prevent your death!”

“Hm.” Shuichi seemed to have to rethink his evaluation, but the situation hadn’t changed. “This is a killing game, Momota-kun. I don’t think surviving or saving is on par with the course of action the mastermind planned out.”

“W-well if there’s a poison, there’s an antidote right?”

Shuichi shook his head, “No, there’s probably enough materials to make one, but... I’m not a chemist.”

“Let’s ask Iruma to make one then!”

“She’s not a chemist either.” Not to mention Shuichi didn’t trust any sort of edible concoction Miu put together. He wasn’t sure what she would create, but he did know it would make him want to die even faster.

“Ok then, let’s ask Harumaki!”

“Wh- Momota-kun, Harukawa-san kills people!”

“Yeah, so maybe she knows how to unkill people too! I’m pretty sure she can do basically anything.”

Shuichi, with his head now in his hands, decided that it would be easier to simply go along with Kaito’s antics. His body felt weak and gross and his head was splitting, which was a shame because in all honesty that powder had smelt nice. If only it didn’t leave his lab in need of a quarantine. It could’ve been a good candle scent. Or perhaps Shuichi was just veering into delirium. Dying will do that to you.

He was definitely veering into delirium because one moment he was staring down at his hands and the next he was being carried by Kaito. The worst part of it all was that it didn’t match his daydreams of being romantically carried bridal style by his crush. Instead he was a heavy sack of dead weight plopped against Kaito’s back trying to keep his nausea down as Kaito descended a set of stairs.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” Shuichi mumbled upon realizing that he couldn’t remember Kaito’s plan. If he had one.

“We’re going to get you help!” Shuichi thought it was a pretty bad idea. It would just make the trial even more confusing and he wouldn’t be able to clarify since corpses don’t make for good witnesses. Even if he wanted to voice that though, he ended up in a nasty coughing fit that left him gasping for air.

“Dammit!” Kaito hissed out, “If only Tojo was still here!”

That Shuichi agreed with. If Kirumi was here she would somehow manage to create a cure even though that was absolutely not in the job description of a maid. Her backstory concerned Shuichi quite a bit.

“There he is!” Kaito yelled out, picking up his pace from a light jog to a full run.

“We’re...w-w’re going to ask him for help...?” Shuichi mumbled, before letting out a loud groan, “no, that’s okay...j-just let me die then.”

“Oi Monokuma!” If it weren’t for the imminent danger that would result from it, Kaito would be throttling Monokuma until something broke. “You have to help Shuichi, dammit! Give him a cure or some shit!”

Monokuma tilted his head, looking up at Kaito with pseudo-innocence, “are you stupid or something?”

“Wh-” Kaito nearly lost his anger in confusion, only for it to come back tenfold, “you have to help him!”

“No I don’t, lol.” Monokuma shrugged, “I think the bastard dropping dead would be great! Honestly any of you mistakes would do, he’s not special or anything.”

“He’s our detective!”

“Yeah, you lot are screwed without him, huh?” Monokuma let out a cackle, curled in on his stomach like Shuichi dying was the highlight of his day. “Sounds so beary hopeless to be without a protag, huh! Man we’ve lost two protags in one show, that’s a new record! Someone write that down, I want a medal!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about…” Kaito shifted Shuichi higher up on his back, ignoring the mumbles in his ear of what evidence to use in the trial, “but don’t start planning yet! Shuichi isn’t dying on my watch!”

Monokuma nodded, “yeah, you are stupid.”

“Fine then I’m going to Harumaki! She was my first plan anyway since you’re so useless!”

“Useless?” Monokuma’s voice wobbled, his head tilted down like a child being told to apologize for wrong doing, “and after all I’ve done for you too...I don’t have to provide you lot with food and shelter, you know.”

“Ahh shut up! We don’t have time for your weird feelings!”

The world became another dizzying blur as Kaito ran off yet again. “Don’t worry Shuichi! I’m taking you to Harumaki! She’ll have everything figured out!”

---

“You inhaled a toxic powder from your lab?”

Shuichi nodded.

“And you’ve gotten no treatment this entire time?”

Shuichi nodded.

“How are you not dead already?”

Shuichi shrugged.

Maki sighed and pinched her nose, wondering how the hell these two idiots got themselves into such a mess, “Saihara, I always thought if you were going to die it would be from murder and not from some bullshit like this.”

Which was a fair assumption really. Being the detective among them, the group learned to rely on Shuichi’s deductions to solve the murders. Without him, there would be a lot of chaos that the killer could use to trick everyone. Wait. Why has no one tried to kill Shuichi again? Shuchi couldn’t tell if he was a lucky man or not, but considering he was currently dying on his crush’s back it’s safe to say he leaned towards unlucky.

Maki turned to Kaito, glaring at him in a way that said she wanted to help but the situation sucked to do anything, “what exactly do you want me to do about this?”

“Save him, of course!” “I’m not a doctor. I’m the opposite. I kill people.”

Shuichi wished desperately that he could say “I told you so”

“Look Harumaki, we can’t just let him die like this! We’re his friends so we have to do whatever we can to help him! Not just for us, but for Akamatsu too! She wanted him to live!”

Harukawa’s steel glare seemed to melt a little at that.

“So we need a plan!” Kaito said, “and the plan is to save Shuichi!”

“That’s not a plan, that’s a goal. And it’s a stupidly impossible goal too.”

“Nothing is impossible!”

Shuichi wondered if he could just close his eyes and die to avoid all the yelling he’s had to endure today.

Another voice joined the conversation with a loud cry of “what’s impossible!?” It was none other than Iruma Miu, confidently placing herself into the scene when no one asked her to. Kiibo was with her, following at a much slower pace with an expression that screamed second-hand embarrassment. With her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face, she ensured all parties had their eyes on her before speaking again.

“Because this hard-headed freak is right! Nothing is impossible with my beautiful plump brain around! What is it you’re looking for? A new way to pull off a fictional r18 move? I knew you three were depraved, but don’t worry Mama Miu has got it covered-”

“No, you idiot.” Maki cut her off without a drop of sympathy. Shuichi didn’t have any sympathy either though, so really it was just relatable. “Saihara is dying.”

“Eh? What?” Miu’s voice fell into a submissive whimper. She curled in on herself and fiddled her hands together. “That doesn’t sound good…”

“Yes dying is usually not good.”

Kiibo worriedly hovered near Kaito, trying to get a good look at Shuichi, “is he ok?”

“No. Because he is dying.”

Miu seemed to have panic in her eyes, “he can’t die! Not yet anyway! Who killed him huh?! Who’s trying to escape?!”

“Iruma!” Kaito ignored her questions, “you can save him, right?! He was poisoned, and you always say that you can do anything!”

“I-I mean yeah I can but… but I don’t know anything about biocompatibility... I honestly just put things in the body and hope it works…I would need more time...”

“Then what about you Kiibo?! Maybe you can...I don’t know- analyze the poison and come up with a cure!”

“My algorithm doesn’t do that...I could do a Google search if we were given WIFI access though...”

“Dammit does anyone have an idea to save Shuichi?!”

“Oh! Oh!” Miu raised her hand, “I’ve seen people induce vomiting in movies to stop poison! That’ll work, yeah?!”

Maki, realizing that this conversation was going to draw out far longer than to her liking, pulled out a chair and sat in it, “first of all: do not do that. Second of all it was an inhalant. I don’t think that will stop his lungs from shutting down any time soon.”

“I know!” Kiibo turned to Miu with a determined look, “Iruma-san! Repurpose my wiring so that my hands function as a defibrillator!”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Maki asked.

“Well it might stop Saihara-kun from dying if his heart stopped!”

“There’s nothing we can do.” Maki stressed, “we just have to lay him down, monitor him,, and hope he lives”

“Harumaki that’s the same as giving up!”

“Hey hey!” No. God dammit. Sure, let’s keep complicating the dialogue. Shuichi was having a very bad day. Could this poison just finish him off already instead of leaving him on death’s doorstep? Fucking rude. Ouma Kokichi, hearing the glorious sounds of frantic arguing, skipped over to the group with a peachy look on his face.

“What’s wrong with you all? You’re acting like somebody died.” Kokichi did a dramatic gasp, covering his mouth with his hands, “did someone die?! Did someone finally kill Keeboy?!”

Kiibo stopped debating with Miu to give Kokichi an unimpressed look, “seriously?”

“Nishishi- yeah, I guess that would be too lucky.”

“Can you take something seriously for once in your life?” Maki glared, “because somebody will die if we can’t figure this out. Saihara inhaled a toxic powder and we aren’t sure how much time we have left to save him.”

“Ehh?” Kokichi’s face turned from confusion to worry. He’d clearly thought Maki was messing with him until he saw Shuichi’s half conscious body draped over Kaito looking very much like a victim of poison. Just as quickly as his expression changed it turned into an over exaggerated ploy they’d all seen a million times. His eyes filled with tears, his lip quivered, his nose started to sniffle. With a hiccup in his voice he began to whimper, “one of you guys is trying to kill my Saihara-chan?! I thought you all were preaching about friendship and trust and ending the killing game!”

Kokichi tilted his head back as he fell into a full on sob. A loud childish ear-breaking wail resounded as tears poured from his eyes with practiced ease. “You guys are so awful!” he yelled in between his sobs, “how could you do this?! Saihara-chan can’t die!”

“Would you shut the fuck up, flat ass!’ Miu yelled.

And just like that Kokichi’s sobs had turned off. A complete 180 from his previous demeanor. It was like he hadn’t cried at all. His eyes weren’t red and puffy, his nose was dry, and his body was relaxed and poised. He stared camly down at his fingernails, examining them as though this situation was nothing more than a slight inconvenience to his day. “I’m serious, you know. I would never joke or lie. Saihara-chan can’t die, this game wouldn’t be the same without him.”

Kaito nearly asked Kokichi what he meant. Did he care about Shuichi? Did he care about their survival? Was he finally coming around?

“Oi Monokuma!” Kokichi yelled. Monokuma bounced into the scene as though he was on Kokichi’s beck and call. “Hey did you know that Saihara-chan is dying? Like right now? And we’re all just watching that?”

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t starting his redemption arc then. Maybe he’s still the same piece of shit Kokichi.

“Ouma, what are-”

“Of course I know! It’s pretty funny, huh Ouma-kun?”

Kokichi laughed along with Monokuma, as though they were cut from the same tree. But then suddenly he was back to that semi-disappointed demeanor. “Yeah. Saihara-chan is dying. And doesn’t that really suck? This game is going to sooo be terrible without him. In his trial I bet we’re all going to die because these morons can’t think without him. You know that too, don’t you, Monokuma? WIthout Saihara-chan your show is going to be cut off in this most annoying and unentertaining way. Ahhh I can’t believe this is how the game ends. After all that build up too. I don’t think I even want to be a part of this any more honestly. I’d much rather pig breath die.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Monokuma seemed taken aback by Kokichi’s analysis. He pondered it for a moment, nervously looking around and imagining all the lovely executions that would go to waste if Shuichi died right now. With a sigh he pulled out a very suspicious bottle from-...actually where did he pull that bottle from? Not important. What was important was that there was finally a cure in front of them, the one they’d been asking for all this time.

“Give him this and the brat should be good as new!” and with that Monokuma popped away.

Kokichi, holding the vial, smiled brightly at the others, “Here you go! Don’t let Saihara-chan die again okay! I don’t care if any of you others do but Saihara-chan is very special m’kay?”

…

...

“So you mean…I really could have asked Monokuma for a cure?! The bastard was just lying to me!?”

#danganronpa #drv3 #ndrv3 #drv3 spoilers #ndrv3 spoilers #shuichi saihara #kaito momota #fanfic #fan fic

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soranis-sunshadow · 5 years ago

Text

Hordak: The power-hungry Warmonger

I’ve had an interesting chat with someone on Twitter that prompted me to make this whole post. (I had a shitpost TLDR post that sort of sums this up concisely)

This is a very long post so brace yourselves, grab a coffee or some warm tea and lets start!

The premise was that Hordak is unambiguously evil and that even with Horde Prime out of the picture, he’d go back to conquering the planet.

And I quote “That's where you're wrong he would still be doing this, he was so absorbed into gaining more power and conquering etheria he would still doing Prime or no Prime” - his words, not mine.

I pointed out that there is no evidence to support that assumption in the show but someone else added: “ “no evidence of that in the show” did u forget when prime literally pointed out that he was conquering etheria in *his* name and secretly wished prime wouldn’t come??”

That line keeps popping up in a lot of the arguments against Hordak. The specific line is this:

The argument that they (people that hate Hordak) try and make is that Hordak wanted Etheria for himself to rule it as its absolute despot. To... “colonize” it so to speak.

What Hordak did was to wage war on the planet for decades in his misguided crusade to conquer it in Prime’s name. He hurt countless numbers of people and destroyed their homes. That is undeniable, those are his actions. Whatever extenuating circumstances he may have (have a post about that too :D ), he is guilty of being a warmonger and a despot and he created the Etherian Horde then lead it in his bid to conquer Etheria.

There! straight out of the horse’s mouth ^

I don’t agree with the term colonizer that twitter folks keep throwing around a lot. Bear with me for a bit please. I know that it is a term that is heavily loaded for a lot of people.

The argument I make against that specific term is this: In order to colonize a place, you need actual colonists to settle and slowly replace the indigenous population. Colonization has long term effects that can be seen centuries later. If I were to point out colonization in action in SPOP I would point out The First Ones. They are the ones that started settling on Etheria, evidence of their presence is throughout the place in the whole show in the settlement ruins and technology they left behind.

They bound the planet’s magic with their magitech so that the locals couldn’t access it. (Something Shadow Weaver was salty about) Only the First Ones descendants that were connected to the runestones I.E. the princesses have any access to it. The princesses still hold dominion over the planet’s magic millennia later. The natives are relatively powerless and the princesses’ subjects still. It’s worth pointing out that the princesses are despots as well.

That is what colonization does to a place. It takes the power away from the locals and gives it to the colonists so that the latter may thrive, have power over them and in time, replace the natives and erase their culture.

Hordak waged war but despite his background of being a brainwashed cultist he never stifled the individuality of his underlings, he never seemed to care much about them at all as long as they were helping further his goals.

If anything, he’s a weirdly unenthusiastic warlord, as @cruelfeline pointed out in one of her excellent posts.

To quote her post “ And of course now, post-season four, we know that he appears unenthusiastic in his role because he is. His goal was never to be the uncontested Lord of Etheria. He doesn’t gain any real self-respect or satisfaction from having people grovel before him. He was never interested in actually claiming that as his goal, his source of personal achievement and identity: it was all a means to a very sad, very painful end. He doesn’t want to be “Lord Hordak, Ruler of Etheria.” He wants to be “Hordak, second in command to Horde Prime.” He does it all because he needs his brother to accept/respect/love him. “

He is not a kind boss, or a good one by any measure but he doesn’t replicate Prime’s brain erasing technique for whatever reason nor is he a self-absorbed narcissist like his progenitor. The Etherian Horde is made of Etherians, Hordak and his robots.

And notice one thing? Most of those Horde members are not first one descendants. Strange huh?

So long as his underlings serve, they are rewarded. Even if they fail, if the reason for their failure is explained and they do no lie to him (to his face), they are given a chance to redeem themselves. After the defeat at the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra’s loss is rewarded because she had proven her competence.

If I were to liken his actions with anything in the real world, I’d be more inclined to call his war a Crusade in Horde Prime’s name. Prime was his God and Hordak was religiously motivated to do the horrible things he did because his god wanted them. That is what he has been indoctrinated to believe; Noelle said it, not me. He was a brainwashed religious zealot, not a colonizer. This is how he’d get back into his god’s good graces after being born a sinner (defective).

This is how he thought that he would prove that he was worthy of being by his god’s side despite him being disabled, he could still be useful to Prime, he could still serve. If he were useful, he thought that Horde Prime would not throw him away again to die.

Crusaders too believed that, by waging war on Muslims and the Orthodox Constantinople (the fourth crusade), they’d get into Heaven. They were violent and they were terrible but they believed they were doing good in God’s Name and that their actions were necessary. *they were not, and they were terrible*

Back to the “to my will” line. Taken out of the sentence, one could say that he’s conquered Etheria for his own ego and to satisfy his power-trip.

The whole sentence is this: “I’ve conquered this world for you, to show you that I am worthy, so that I may retake my place by your side. I have bent its people to my will.”

He explicitly states that the reason he did it was to serve Horde Prime.

It’s not the first time Hordak has said this. He said it to Catra before. He was not scared and trying to explain his actions to his master then. He was not begging for mercy and acceptance while on his knees.

And Catra understands him, she understands his need to try and prove himself to an authority figure and earn recognition. It’s what she had wanted from Shadow Weaver all along.

She sees herself in him after his little declaration. It’s why she is able to give him this speech in the same episode:

“Get.Over.IT! You don’t need Entrapta. You never did. You don’t need a Princess in your life telling you what to do. Look at what you’ve done without her. You’ve build an army. An empire! You and me, we don’t need anyone. Forget them all. No one matters, nothing matters but this mission. You want to prove yourself, prove your worth? Then do it! You and I are going to conquer Etheria. And then, they’ll all see!”

That is why this line of Catra’s in season 4 finally motivates him to quit moping after Entrapta and actually get some proper conquering done.

He even shows a good tactical understanding on how to wage a war of attrition, a war he could eventually win due to the replaceable nature of his robots, unlike rebellion soldiers.

Without DT’s interference and without the needless pushing their soldiers over their limits (causing mass desertions under Catra’s command), Hordak would have eventually won. Slow and steady would have won him the race but Catra wanted faster results.

This is his motivation, the same as Catra’s: to prove his worth. To seek validation and acceptance from a higher authority figure, his master, maker and literal god.

Catra proves herself a kindred soul, she understands his need for validation and his feelings of worthlessness, the harrowing self-hatred both of them endure, and together they amplify their worst tendencies. They go both into a negative spiral in season 4 and yet, they both provide a strange companionship to each other. They form a bond based on their mutual understanding. He even includes her in Horde Prime’s theoretical acknowledgement:

If he had actually wanted to conquer Etheria for himself and rule it, staying in Despondos away from Horde Prime would have given him the perfect opportunity to do so. He’s actually remarkably competent at conquering when he does it himself instead of relegating it to his mooks.

Sea elf village: 10 out of 10 would conquer again XD

What does he do instead? At first he looks for the portal events that appear naturally on the planet’s surface thinking that Horde Prime would come for him (that’s how he found baby Adora - he didn’t steal her. Light Hope lied about that trying to manipulate Adora).

When he becomes aware that Prime might not be able to come for him because of the planet being in a different dimension, he spends most of his time locked away in his sanctum working on a portal device that is supposed to reunite him with Horde Prime.

Why would he do any of that instead of staying on the planet and ruling it for himself if that was his motivation? It makes absolutely no sense for him to do any of that if being the sole ruler of the planet was his intent.

Another line that was brought up was this one:

The time that Prime is referring to is Hordak’s time spent with Entrapta. That’s why the shot lingers on the place her Crystal used to be. The crystal that had LUVD written on in. The scene is being quite specific in implying that this is the time that Horde Prime speaks of:

He is sad to go and leave her. When she mentions that they keep working on it ‘till it’s perfect, he smiles at her in agreement.

That is the only time Hordak even lets himself consider a life without Horde Prime and it doesn’t last long. Once Catra lies to him, the prospect of a life on Etheria with Entrapta is no longer possible. Her message about imperfections being beautiful and of him being intrinsically worthy of life, even without Prime is painted as a deception. Catra convinced him that Entrapta had deceived and used him, that he had been duped all along.

The only path left to him, as far as he knows, is back to his master.

Neither of those lines are in-show irrefutable evidence of his intention to rule the world. One would argue that Horde Prime punished him for his intentions to rule a world by himslef. To that I respond with this:

This is the crime that Horde Prime punished him for: Hordak had dared to become something other than a mindless, indoctrinated, slave; he had asserted his own will and individuality in whatever small way by becoming a person and taking a name.

So Horde Prime nipped in the bud.

If his clones were ever to assert any individuality, will or preference, if they ever stopped serving with blind devotion at a crucial point, they could become a threat to him.

He was right of course:

Hordak shooting Horde Prime whilst the latter was concentrated on hacking The Heart of Etheria was crucial in distracting him from this:

Hordak’s little defiance may have been short lived, since Horde Prime has such disturbing power over his clones and immediately possessed him, but that little distraction was enough to buy precious time and to force Horde Prime to the planet’s surface where Adora could get to him. If he had been defeated whilst in orbit, Prime could just have jumped in the body of any other clone throughout the universe.

Hordak’s actions aided in Prime’s definitive demise.

Another argument against Hordak is his last declaration to Horde Prime.

Hordak’s speech to Prime is not an affirmation of him going back to conquering Etheria. It’s Hordak telling Horde Prime that he’s a person and he has a right to be one, to have his own will.

- You created me to serve you and your will, but I have a right to be more than that.

- I am a person, an individual, I have a name, I am not just a mindless tool. I have lived things in your absence.

- I have experienced unconditional acceptance and affection.

- I am a person and I deserve to have my own thoughts, feelings and my own free will. I defy yours. You are not my master any more.

Nowhere in his speech is it suggested that he’ll go back to conquering. He just wants to be free of Horde Prime. Entrapta is alive and the alternative to a life in servitude to Prime is available again. He chose her over his own God. That is the only choice he made. Not to go back to conquest or kick puppies and orphans. He chose to be in her presence rather than His.

Sadly, he is only free of Horde Prime 3 minutes before the show ends. Any apology for his actions in Prime’s name made in those last 3 minutes would have been half assed and unsatisfying. He has a lot of reparations to make as redemption for his actions. Regardless of the fact that he was indoctrinated, literally programmed since his creation and that is the reason why he did what he did, people were hurt, homes were destroyed and he has to redeem himself for that and make long term reparations. This couldn’t have been believably addressed in the time left. The show-runner Noelle mentioned in one of the Podcasts that he does reparations after the show. I wish that had been part of the series and not an observation after it. Perhaps, seeing that would have quelled some of the vitriol aimed at him. (and at his “stans”- real people getting hate and bullying for the crimes committed against fictional Etherians)

The message of this show is forgiveness, acceptance and redemption. The characters are complex and they all have their respective shades of gray in their characterization (except Horde Prime who is basically Nyarlathotep). I don’t understand why the fandom is so divisive and so intent on pitting them against each other and villainizing one or the other in an attempt to make their own favorite character more morally superior. Can’t we appreciate all of them and the parts they had to play in the story?

Whew! That was one long essay. I am as always, open to discussion on the topic so long as civility is maintained. Have a nice day!

@garnet-xx-rose gets credit for helping me put my thoughts in order and for adding interesting points to the argument. Thank you Garnet!

#Hordak #Horde Prime #Catra #spop discourse #longwinded essays #This was one of the longest yet

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mcrmadness · 4 years ago

Text

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #aspec

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straycat-writes · 5 years ago

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I know it's not on the fluffy Valentine's day prompt list but could I ask for headcanons of Chuuya’s and your favorite BSDs character’s S/Os (separately) coming to their work to surprise them with flowers and a card? Also which characters do you wish you got more requests for. I love your writing but sometimes I can't think of which character I want when requests are open. I hope this makes sense and Tumblr doesn't eat it.) Have a happy Feburary!!!

[I knowww you said headcanons, but...idk how this happens, I’m sorry :( As for my favourite bsd character, we all know it’s Dazai xD]

Flowers For Him

Nakahara Chuuya:

Going to see Chuuya at his work is quite a task because you have to go through so much security to even get into the building. The people know and recognize you, but with the kind of organization they are, there’s no such thing as too much caution.

Still, it’s all worth it when you finally get to see him.

He had just got back from an overseas mission a few days ago, and you knew he would be busier than usual, tying up all the loose ends. But you didn’t expect the gigantic pile of paperwork sitting on his desk as you entered.

So stressfully immersed in working on multiple files at ones, Chuuya didn’t even notice your presence for a while. Holding the bouquet of flowers you had brought behind your back, you went up to him.

“Do I have to compete with those files for your attention now?”

He looked up, face lighting up instantly like a Christmas tree, “Hey, (y/n). What are you doing here?”

You pouted, “Is that how you greet the one great love of your life? And when I brought something for you too.”

“Aside from your cute ass, you mean?”

Your cheeks heated up, and you quickly pushed the bouquet in front of him, “Flowers! I brought you flowers, you moron…”

He laughed, taking the bouquet of flowers from your hands, “Thanks, babe. They’re lovely.”

Your face fell a little. You had been hoping for a little more than that, or for him to at least wish you a happy Valentine’s. But maybe amidst all the work he was buried in, it had slipped his mind.

You forced a smile onto your face, “Okay, I guess I’ll see you at home, then.”

You had just begun to leave when his hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you backwards and down onto his lap. The sudden movement knocked the air out of your lungs.

With one arm wrapped around your waist, he used the other hand to gently turn your face towards him, “And where do you think you’re going?”

Something about being so close to Chuuya seemed to steal all words from your lips, and you were left merely stuttering for something to say.

He smirked, the smug expression on his face betraying just how much he was enjoying your flustered reaction. “Aw, did the one great love of my life really think I forgot?”

Before you could even think of anything to say, he put one hand at the back of your head and gently tipped it forward, kissing you full on the lips. And as you reflexively closed your eyes, you were once again reminded of just how blindingly intense and disorienting it is to kiss him.

His lips felt like satin against yours, and even after he pulled back, it took you a couple of seconds to blink yourself out of the haze. He chuckled, and with how close you were, you could feel it reverberating throughout his chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”

Dazai Osamu:

It was only as you climbed the stairs of the Agency building, a bouquet of lilies in your hand, that it occurred to you that Dazai might not even be there. True, it was a working day for them, but when had Dazai ever cared about that? He’s more than happy to fuck off from the office more than half of the time anyway, so thinking about it now, it was actually highly unlikely you’d find him there.

Still, you had come all the way here, so you thought you’d at least check before leaving.

Even before opening the door to the office, however, you could hear commotion from the inside. Frowning in confusion, you pushed the door open.

Immediately, a frightened Atsushi rushed towards you and hid behind you. ‘(Y/n)! Thank God you’re here! Please help!”

“Whoa, Atsushi, calm down.” You stumbled a little, trying to keep your balance as he hid behind you, “What’s wrong?”

“Dazai-san has gone crazy.”

You rolled your eyes. The phrase was not something you were unused to hearing. You just wondered what it would be about this time.

Just then, you saw Dazai rushing over to the two of you, stumbling over several things in the process, “Atsushi!! You have to – Oh, hey (y/n)!”

He crashed into you full force, so quickly you barely had time to get the bouquet out of the way as he almost knocked you off your feet. At least Atsushi had been quick enough to duck away before disaster struck. Dazai would later call it a hug, but you failed to see any resemblance.

“Whoa, Dazai. Okay, - can’t – breathe – “

He quickly loosened his grip and you took a deep breath. He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I was just so happy to see my belladonna.”

You laughed, “Is that so? Did you miss me?”

“Miss you?” Kunikida said from behind him, “He was just chasing Atsushi around the office to scare him into going to fetch you.”

Atsushi nodded vehemently, “I thought he was going to throw me out of the building himself!”

“It’s not my fault.” Dazai rolled his eyes, “It’s Valentine’s Day and none of you can fit the space the love of my life has made in my heart!”

That was apparently enough for Kunikida to kick the both of you out of the office, yelling at Dazai not to come back until he was done with his Valentine-y bullshit.

Away from the commotion of the office, you finally remembered the bouquet you were still holding. “Oh, I brought these for you.”

His face lit up immediately, and he fake gasped, “Flowers from my beloved? I think I might just die!”

“Alright, that’s enough, drama queen.” You said, rolling your eyes, although you couldn’t help the slight laugh that escaped your lips, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Dazai.”

You prepared yourself for another one of his overdramatic one-liners, but he only looked at you with what you could only call adoration on his face. And then he smiled. It was small, but it was sincere, which was so very rare for Dazai. He wasn’t putting up an act, he wasn’t being intentionally melodramatic. For once in his life, he wasn’t trying to fool anybody. He was just…genuinely smiling. It made your heart melt.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, babe.”

You smiled and stood up on the tip of your toes to lightly kiss him on the cheek. He pouted, “What? Is that all I get?”

You laughed, “If you want more, at least take me out on a date first. I assume you don’t have any work to do anyway.”

“That is a very hasty and very incorrect assumption on your part, belladonna.” He said, trying to sound serious, “I actually have a very important to-do list for today.”

“Oh, yeah?” You said, leaning on the closed door to the agency office, the tone of your voice clearly saying you didn’t believe a word he said, “And what’s on it?”

“You.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks faster than it had ever done before, and all the agency members could hear from behind the closed door were sounds of Dazai dissolving into peals of laughter as you hit him repeatedly on the chest.

#chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #valentine's day #drabble #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #imagines

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kingofthewilderwest · 4 years ago

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This hasn’t been a good year for me first I was stalked then I lost someone who I thought was a friend because my mental health issues caused me to impulsively lash out at people I been apologizing and apologizing they refuse to listen to me all they told me was get outside help. The thing is I was there for them when they needed me but when I needed them they abandon me I am autistic and have trouble regulating my emotions I explained that to them when they told me that I keep lashing out at people even after I apologize for it. :( what should I do? Should I just just keep spamming how sorry I am and that I will keep my mouth shut and not lash out at people anymore I just want them to like me again I don’t like lashing out at people I have no control over that why can’t they understand? How many times do I need to cry in their inbox until they realize how sorry I am and that this time I won’t lash out impulsively.

Hello, friend. <3 I'm really sorry for the struggle and pain you are going through. That's tough. My heart reaches out for you. I was in an extremely similar experience once (I'll talk about the experience and results below), so I both care about your situation, and I hope my message can help you with your choices moving forward. My phrasing might sound blunt, but every word is written with love, and I will give comfort through the end, so bear with me. Sorry that I suck at brief. XD

From the way you’ve described your situation, you’ve already been messaging friend(s) repeatedly explaining your actions, giving apologies, etc. My answer is under the assumption you’ve been sending repeated messages. Here’s the unfortunate kicker.

You need to stop messaging them. Period.

If you want them to feel better and feel better about you, you need to give them space for a decently long period of time without breaking that silence once, it doesn’t matter if your desired topic is helpfully explaining how you tick, apologizing, or talking about something entirely unrelated to the drama.

I know that's probably the hardest thing to do. I know for me, when I was in a situation like this, every fiber of my being *SCREAMED* at me to try to make things right by messaging again. I was so terrified I couldn’t leave it alone. I understand how scary it can be for someone to not listen to your apology. I understand the drive to get someone to understand your circumstance for why you messed up. I understand the overpowering pressure of guilt for having done something wrong and the itch to keep acting until I make it right. But you can't make it right by messaging someone repeatedly.

While your intent is reparation, your result is harassment. I'm so sorry to say this, but if you’re messaging like that, you are continuing to inflict pain and make matters worse because your constant messaging gives them no relief. It’s like constantly picking a scab to make it bleed again rather than letting it heal without touching it. If you pick that scab too much, you’ll lose more blood and you’ll get a scar. Lots of people, after being hurt, need time to process their emotions before they can be comfortable resuming a chill conversation. So long as you keep acting like this, they aren't going to want to listen to you, and your actions are going to make them wish they weren't around you. They’ll see you in a worse light because if you can’t give them time and space to heal themselves and you can’t stop fixating on past events, then they see that you’re not handling the situation well.

Now. If you do talk to them again, after that *LONG* break, there are several things you have to do. Ask if it’s okay to talk first and be clear it’ll be a one-time event. Be rational, be calm, be objective, accept responsibility for yourself without trashing yourself or sounding desperate for their response, and make sure you acknowledge their feelings and experiences as much as your own. Accept responsibility for yourself in your words. Make sure you listen to them, too, and respect their thoughts.

I know that’s hard to do. I can get scared, tongue-tied, and emotional in conversations like this. The way I get around that is writing down what I’m going to say beforehand. That way, I can spend several days carefully tweaking my words so they’re optimally diplomatic (and have someone else check me if I need a second perspective). Now I have a script I can follow that can prevent me from tumbling into babbling emotion. “I’m sorry, I’ll keep my mouth shut, I just want you to like me again” will turn more people away, unfortunately. People don’t trust that because it sounds like you don’t have control of yourself, which makes them think more bad things could happen. Level-headed but kind discussion of the issue is essential; it shows you are *capable* of handling the situation. Showing capability helps engender trust. Also, please make it clear to your friend(s) that once this convo is done, the goal is to move on.

Note that your friend can say “no” if you ask to talk. And that’s okay. If they say “no,” leave it at “no,” and don’t try to get a “yes.” Your friend can still say “no” to points you make during your conversation. Those aren’t the words you want to hear but you have to accept them if they come. Stay humble. Do not try to get them to fully be in sync with you because that may be impossible and only hurt everyone more. All you can do is present yourself at your best; after that, it is their choice how they respond, and their responses must be accepted. If they are bitches, that’s on them, and you’re better off not being friends with shitty-ass uncaring bitches. If they choose not to be friends with you for understandable reasons, it hurts, but it’s valid; we do not have to be friends with every person we meet, even if they’re cool. And if they choose to forgive you, which they could too, then you guys have a basis to move forward again without reopening cans of worms. I do want to reassure you: I’ve had plenty of conversations like this go well and friendships get repaired. <3 It can be done.

Now. You said you feel your friends aren’t helping you at your time of need. I understand the pain of supporting a friend but the friend doesn’t reciprocate at the time I need them most. This was hard for me to learn, but: a friend is not obligated to help you. Yes, good friends will help when they can. Yes, if you’re only helping them and they’re nevvvvvvver helping you, that’s a one-sided relationship and that’s a bust. But healthy relationships also have boundaries and “no”s. It’s not a contractual obligation to help a friend through everything. Plus, not everyone has the skillset to help you for every need. Friends who are not used to neurodivergence might not know how to handle neurodivergent-specific challenges (that’s what I’ve experienced with my own support networks). You can explain it and hopefully they’ll get better about understanding how you tick, though. There’s even types of friends who understand how you tick but still not want to be around it, and sometimes that’s because they have to protect their own health. They can understand you lash out but still need to leave to heal themselves because lashing out hurts them, and they don’t have the energy or emotions to help or listen to you right after. They have enough on their plate trying to keep themselves going without assisting someone else too. Those things can happen. You may find out what type of friends yours are later.

And I know it’s really hard to regulate emotions... I’m saying this as someone who had extreme issues regulating my emotions due to neurodivergence and mental illness, albeit of different kinds... but ultimately mental health is an explanation, not an excuse, and you are still responsible for the results when you are cognizant enough to act well enough. You are valid for being autistic and that is not a problem, that is who you are period, and if they don’t respect that, that’s their issue. Explaining why you act like you do is a first step. It’s good to communicate and I think it’s good you want to your friends to know why it’s hard. But you do have to work at getting better with your treatment of people, too. Sometimes we do things outside of our control. Sometimes these will never be in our control. But some things will be in our control. Part of our responsibility as a friend is to not just admit we hurt someone in the past when we’re at our worst and least controllable, but make an effort, as we can, to prevent these things in the future, as we can. Figure out prevention tactics. Figure out ways your friends can be equipped and prepared if something happens. Find professionals who can help you with emotional regulation. And so forth.

Your friends do have a point about getting outside help. I love supporting my friends and helping them through emotionally dark times, but sometimes a friend’s mental health struggles are out of my abilities and I can’t be expected to be the one to handle it. I cannot help my friend with heart surgery because I am not a heart surgeon; likewise, sometimes I can’t help my friends with mental illness ailments because I am not a professional psychologist. If it is within your budget, this may be a valuable resource for you that will help you, your friends, and more.

If you’re anything like I was, what I said may make you want to go into another round of apologizing, but before you do that (you shouldn't! you can't!!!!), I want to explain what happened to me. This involves me talking about the worst period of my life, the worst mistakes I ever made, and the worst legacy I'll have to contend with. I haven't talked about it on tumblr because I haven't wanted people to misread me or judge me, but the truth is, those old mistakes are a defining characteristic of my everyday life because of how thoroughly I fucked up and hurt someone else by my desire to "make things right."

I was eighteen and sharing a dorm room with my high school significant other. We broke up several months into the school year. At first things were okay, but then our friendship started to slide. We both did foolish things and wrongdoings against each other. The result was my ex needed breathing space to heal, whereas I felt I needed to heal by coming closer to them. As you can see, these are opposites, and it... didn’t work. It resulted in me pestering them and them wanting to get further from me.

I was also suicidal at the time. I had undiagnosed ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria and maybe more, and all that put me in the worst psychological state of my life. My emotions were more powerful than I could control. I had no coping mechanisms yet. My diary entries sometimes don’t sound... sane... from that time period. Being suicidal, I begged my ex for help, and my ex said “no”. My ex was rude and cold (understandable... hard to be polite when you’re stressed), but still, she had a right to say “no.” No one is obligated to do anything, but I was extremely emotional at her denial. Terrified for my life, I tried telling my ex that I had helped HER through HER problems when SHE was depressed, why the fuck wouldn’t she help me with my low point? I felt like she abandoned me and I told her so. I was intending to suggest she was breaking a promise and being an uncaring, unfaithful friend... but my words came out sounding like I was guilt tripping. My friend felt emotionally abused, forced into a situation where someone was threatening their life if she didn’t do what I said.

That’s a lot of pressure on someone, a roommate screaming at her that she had to do X or someone would die. It’s a cruel thing to shove someone into. I did that. I did it accidentally, my only intentions were making amends and saving my life, but I’m still 200% responsible for the results. It destroyed her psychologically, and ten years later, I don’t think she’s fully recovered.

When I recovered from the worst of my mental illness lapse, I felt sick to my stomach about how much my emotional responses harmed her. Thus began my rounds of apologizing. At first she coldly “tolerated” it, but I couldn’t leave it alone because it didn’t feel like closure. She outright told me she would never forgive me and that made me more desperate. About once every six months for the next three years, I tried talking to her. She felt harassed. She increasingly hated me. Soon, she thought I was stalking her, and sent the start of what could’ve become legal action against me. One time, I tried talking to her about something entirely unrelated (I was trying to save a friend who was having panic attacks and my ex was unknowingly responsible for the panic attacks), I panicked, I grabbed her arm, she threatened to call the police on me, had the teacher drive her home from class, and the next thing I knew, we were both in the university’s Office of Student Conduct. Oof.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

For the rest of my life, I will have to contend with the fact I fucked up the person I loved the most, and that the best thing I could ever do to help her was... to... leave... her... be.

If I had let my friend breathe after my first apology, if I had given my friend space to process through her hurt emotions until she no longer felt hurt, we might have been able to rekindle a friendship. But I never gave her the time to heal. I never respected her “no, stop talking to me.” My apologies were intended to make her feel better because I knew I was hurting her, my apologies were intending to say “I’ll never hurt you again!” But instead I kept digging a deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper hole.

I realize this is a dismal story. I don’t want to scare you. I want you to read this private story of my pained heart to understand what happens when I let desperation do all the talking. I want to share it to show how much I care for your situation. And I want you to understand that... after I learned taking a step back... I had radically better results with the friends I got into conflicts with. It took a ton of effort and work to retrain my conduct, but it worked, and I’ve found stabler and happier and relatively drama-free relationships. And if I fuck up for some reason mental-health-wise, it’s usually a single conversation and done to get us back on track.

I fuck up, but I’ll never fuck up like that again, never ever EVER, nowhere CLOSE. And that’s a... happy ending in its own right, yeah?

I do believe in you. I believe that not every story has to end like the one between my ex and me. I want to give you that hope. I believe you have a good heart and you definitely want things better. You wouldn’t have messaged me (and I believe... others... on tumblr?) if this didn’t matter to you. And anyone who wants to do something about a problem has the starting kernel of Betterness happening. I believe you can find more peace. Maybe it won’t come right away and maybe there’ll be rocky points, but life can become better, relationships can become better. There are ways, even with mental health struggles, to find that comfortable equilibrium again.

I wish you the best, friend. Take care. <3 Rooting for you. I apologize if any of my words ended up coming out wrong accidentally. I really do hope you find some relief in this situation. <3

#long post #ask #ask me #non-dragons #don't mind me

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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next round of in-progress naruto thoughts under the cut! i haven’t done one of these in a while - been doing a lot of individual posts instead, but seeing as we just finished a season and started a long filler arc, it feels like a good time to collect my thoughts.

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time. i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons. Thank you! <3 ]

okay uh where to begin. UM. so much is happening that this is not going to be a comprehensive commentary, just certain things that stuck out in my head.

two annoyances first, and then the rest is my usual lovefest:

- if i have to listen to one more speech about how amazing naruto is i’m gonna start fast-forwarding through them. i’m sorry; i love him so much, but in the last couple of episodes there have been at least 10 separate speeches saying the exact same thing, and i need a little break from the naruto praise-fest. i already know he’s wonderful! you do not have make every single character tell me so. spend that time on resolving the other characters’ arcs on their own terms, the way they deserve - naruto is very important to all of them, but he also isn’t the only reason they're here.

- i love how the show made such a big deal once again out of sakura refusing to let sasuke and naruto go on without her, saying “i’ve finally caught up to them; they’re not going to leave me behind this time” and then they literally just...leave her behind lmao. the show has tried to resolve her arc in exactly this way multiple times and every time it goes right back to its old nonsense. i don’t know why i keep believing it when the show says she’s just as integral a part of the team as sasuke and naruto. i am charlie brown with the football, and i keep landing flat on my back.

and now better things:

- i loved gaara’s relationship with shukaku coming back into play! when he swooped in to pull shukaku out of obito like “come here, shukaku” because naruto had no connection with the one-tails...that was awesome. and also him asking for shukaku’s help like “i’m not ordering you. i’m asking you. if you don’t agree, that’s fine” - i LOVED seeing that.

- that whole episode with the three-way deadlock...you ever see a particular shot and think “foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing”???

- perpetually distressed over how entertained i am by orochimaru’s dynamic with taka and then needing to remind myself of how EVIL orochimaru is lmao. like. i’ve always loved his character; there’s never a dull moment when he’s around, but then in this arc they’re almost like...making you imagine what it would’ve been like if he had been on their side the whole time and you’re kind of...enjoying all these moments he has with the kids but then you have to be like NO! THESE KIDS ARE HIS EXPERIMENTS! HE’S THE ONE WHO STOLE BABY YAMATO AND RAISED HIM IN A TEST TUBE!!! THIS MAN IS EVIL!!!!!!! and yet...

- i was losing it laughing at sasuke’s snake calling him “lord sasuke.” i’m sorry, you all know i love sasuke more than anything but this kid’s ego does NOT need further swelling. my sister and i were both like “yeah ok kakashi’s gonna put a stop to that immediately” lmao - like there are some levels on which sasuke needs love and support but there are also some levels on which he needs an adult to bop him with an empty paper towel roll and tell him NO.

- i love that sai is still the smartest one in the room, telling sakura that they don’t really know sasuke’s true intentions and can’t trust him. and i really liked the callback to his initial arc way back in season 2, where he looks at sakura and says to himself “your words may not be lies, but i can already tell that your smile is fake.”

- i know it’s all going to go to shit eventually but in the meantime i love seeing team 7 sniping at each other.....“don’t drag us down, naruto”...... “remember, he can only be affected by sage jutsu!”/“i know that, i’m not YOU”...........just like the Good Old Days XD

- also how much did i laugh when minato was like “you and the others go and deal with madara” and naruto was like “OH RIGHT! I FORGOT ABOUT HIM!!!” ‘forgot’ about the antagonist. in the middle of the war they’re fighting against him. that’s the naruto we know and love. XD

- LOVED when shikamaru needed ino to connect him to the entire army and he asked “can you do it” and she went “that doesn’t matter; i’m GONNA do it!!!!” i am crying for both of them forever but i love seeing them continue to be so amazing

- i talked about this on another post, but i have loved having minato around for these episodes. i finally feel like i’m actually *fond* of him, whereas before, the best i could say was that he was an impressive shinobi and i didn’t DISlike him. but it is so much fun to see what a massive awkward weirdo he is, with his ridiculous jutsu names and asking naruto “sooooooo......is this your girlfriend?” the man is a DORK. he’s a certified dork.

and yet at the same time - in a fight, he still possesses that sort of cold, “our family is shinobi” ruthlessness, which sounds like a bad thing, but isn’t how i mean it. it’s just a “we do what we must” vibe, and i respect it, especially in this situation, when we really need someone like that on our side. eg, when he realizes that it’s obito up on top of the ten-tails, he teleports there and cuts his throat INSTANTLY. and it’s clear in the aftermath that it kills him to do it, but he does do it, without a second’s hesitation, because it has to be done.

that sort of decisive action is what i would have expected from him, given our past introductions to his character, but i appreciate that this arc is also showing us his human side, and the depth of compassion he feels, and the weight of his guilt, and the fact that he actually cares about what happened to the kids who were his responsibility and whom the shinobi world swallowed whole.

- all of those images of what life could have been like if obito had just come home...........that was EVIL. why would they make me see that. the knowledge that he and kakashi could have gone through all of their suffering together, that neither of them would have had to ever be alone, that they could have had in each other what kakashi’s kids are going to have someday...that was too much. i already think about that daily. i did not need to see it animated for me onscreen.

- i appreciate the fact that naruto’s attempt to talk obito over to the other side didn’t work. i just think on a fundamental level that this isn’t really something naruto should be able to do. naruto’s presence and what he represents make a difference, obviously, but i just think that reaching obito is kakashi’s job. which is essentially what minato says when he sends naruto away, so i appreciated that.

i’m sure there are lots of things i’m missing (so much is happening!) but just some yelling about the end:

- sooooo naruto is almost dead. or temporarily dead. my assumption is that gaara is taking him to kurama’s other half inside minato? but that’s just a guess; i dunno. (i’d be happy if that’s where they were headed, because it would at least mean that naruto and sakura and kakashi are back in the same place together, so i’d appreciate that.)

- sasuke is also almost dead. hopefully taka can go pick him up...even though he’s been so terrible to them...he owes them so many apologies

- WHAT HAPPENED TO BEE????? *distraught face* obviously we all know naruto and sasuke are going to be fine eventually, but bee must’ve been disconnected from eight-o too......... ;_______;

- i’m just gonna come out and say it. i think yamato is here. you all can laugh at me later if i’m wrong, but i think yamato is here trapped inside swirly and i cANNOT handle that

- madara said something very brief about sasuke’s eyes that i’m curious about......are we finally going to get more information about the different sharingan patterns?

- the new ending credits start off as the usual naruto-sasuke show but then kakashi and sakura come bursting in and honestly the emotions i felt......THAT IS WHAT I WANT. I WANT ALL FOUR OF THEM TO MATTER AND TO BE THERE TOGETHER.

#pan watches naruto #naruto

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years ago

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Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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t0uka-chan · 5 years ago

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Carta SR Idia Shroud traje de Ceremonia (Español-English)

Se desbloquea al obtener el traje de ceremonia y subiendo de nivel la carta

Unlocked by obtaining the Ceremony Outfit and leveling up the card.

NO RESUBIR esta traducción / DO NOT repost this translation

English translation below

Cap. 1

Cap. 2

Esto es imposible

Dormitorio Ignihyde - Habitación de Idia

Idia: Ah…. .

….. Es imposible.

Idia: Por qué hice esa tonta promesa de ir a la [Ceremonia de Entrada]…. .

Idia: No, esto ocurrió debido a que soy un hombre débil ante las peticiones de Ortho…. .

Idia: ….. No claro que no!!!!!

Idia: Para un Hikikomori la Ceremonia de Entrada es un gran evento donde todos los estudiantes de la escuela se reúnen, y en el cual ¡no hay forma de escapar!

Idia: Además, no soy el Líder del Dormitorio ahora….!?

De solo pensar en cuánta atención podría recibir de los que me rodean–.

*Toc toc

Ortho: Nii-san?

Idia: Hi! …. O-ortho. Qué ocurre?

Ortho: Voy a ir a la sala de repuestos* por un momento.

N/T: Ni idea esa parte decía una palabra extraña q no entendía x"D, les dejo la oración por si alguno sabe (しばらく連動フィールドに行きます)

Ortho: La ceremonia de entrada está a la vuelta de la esquina, necesito acostumbrarme al nuevo cuerpo rápidamente!

Idia: Oh, si. Ten cuidado. No llegues tarde.

Ortho: Sip.

Idia: Se ve bastante feliz…..

Se ve feliz por la ceremonia?

Idia: A pesar de que lo sabía desde hace tiempo [No podrá hacer el exámen durante la Ceremonia de Entrada], me sentiría mal si se lo dijese ahora.

Toc* toc*

Idia: Ah, hi!? Or… Ortho?

Riddle: Idia Shroud, soy del Dormitorio de Heartslabyul, Riddle Rosehearts.

Idia: Ri-ri-riddle!? Qué, qué haces en el dormitorio de Ignihyde?

Riddle: El director me mandó aquí. Incluso aunque te pusiera un collar antes para asistir a las reuniones, no es seguro si irás a la ceremonia de entrada….verdad?

Riddle: Cielos, la ceremonia está tan cerca que no he mostrado mi rostro ni una sola vez a causa de las preparaciones.

Riddle: Tú y Malleus senpai son los únicos líderes que faltan en la reunión. Así que vamos, date prisa por favor.

Idia: Mm….

Riddle: Mm?

Idia: Imposible.

Riddle: … Ah? Imposible? Qué es lo que es imposible?

Tú condición física no está bien?

Idia: No, no hay ninguna posibilidad en estos momentos… asistir a las reuniones… hablar cara a cara con los demás líderes… no puedo hacerlo!

Riddle: Debes estar bromeando…. tu serás un líder pronto. Tal debilidad no es aceptable.

Riddle: Yo también estoy corto de tiempo.*

Date prisa, abre la puerta por favor!

N/T: Que no le queda mucho tiempo libre.

Idia: No, No no no, no quiero! Yo, no quiero ser un líder de Dormitorio!

Riddle: Que irresponsable. No importa la razón, es natural asumir el papel una vez dado.

Idia: Uh…. Yo estoy fuera de ese algo “natural~.

Empecé a impulsar mis propios valores.

Riddle: Eres una persona malhumorada! Acaso estoy diciendo las cosas mal!?

Riddle: Todo es molesto para ti. Al menos prepárate decentemente para la ceremonia de ingreso…. .

Idia: Esa es la máxima magia de “todos” … la misma presión para borrar a un individuo, la esencia de pasar desprevenido, por la teoría general.×

Idia: Estoy asustado, no quiero llegar a ser un hombre joven sin autonomía.×

Riddle: Aghh…

Riddle: Dices que no puedes hablarle a nadie a la cara, pero ….. porque estás del otro lado de la puerta, ¡puedes decir todo lo que quieras!

Riddle: Como siempre pensé, tu actitud para inspirar a esa persona* ha perturbado la moral de la escuela.

N/T: no se si se refiere a las personas en general o alguien en especifico xD

Riddle: Por encima de todo, me siento incómodo. ¡Detente ahora!

Idia: Eh, ser la única persona en el mundo….que miedo… no se como se sentiría eso…. .×

Riddle: Aghh! Lo que haces me ofende!

Riddle: Nunca seré un Líder de Dormitorio incompetente como tú, Hikikomori!

Idia: Yo tengo una personalidad modesta y confusa a diferencia de ti que está cubierta de avaricia y codicia…

Riddle: …. Tú, qué es lo que acabas de decir?

Idia: Hi…

Idia: P-por favor, ¡Déjame solo! Me ha ido bien con este estilo de vida desde antes de que tú llegaras.

Riddle: Ajá, claro. Probablemente. Debe haber sido fáacil.

Riddle: Por qué no dejas que Ortho Shroud se haga cargo así no tienes que hacer nada!

Idia: Eh…. .

Riddle: No asistirás a la reunión, ni vas a prepararte para la ceremonia de entrada, ni tratarás con los invitados, ya que todo depende de ti.

Riddle: Como sea, de seguro tampoco atenderás la próxima ceremonia, cierto? Al menos le dirás hola?

Riddle: Lo siento por querer obligar a trabajar a un Líder de dormitorio irresponsable !!!

Idia: Ha? ¿Dije que no asistiría a la ceremonia de entrada? ¿Puedes dejar de hacer tus propias suposiciones??

Idia: Estaré en la próxima ceremonia de entrada!!!!!!

Riddle: No acabas de contradecirte?

Riddle: Ahora yo soy el tonto, lo que sea, puedo esperar un discurso inspirador de tu parte?

Idia: Por supuesto.

Riddle: Eh. Esta bien, entonces sostendré mi pañuelo y te estaré esperando!

Idia: ….

Idia: …. Soy un idiota — — —!?

Idia: [… Estaré en la próxima ceremonia de entrada]

Idia: No puede ser. Es imposible! Ahhhhh… qué es lo que haré?….. .

Fin.

× [si no lo malinterprete, Idia estaba leyendo algo mientras ignoraba a Riddle, quien estaba afuera parado frente a su puerta.] x"D

Estos capítulos los traduzco del japonés con ayuda de traductores así que si hay algún error en la traducción es mi culpa. (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

This is impossible

Dorm Ignihyde - Idia Room

Idia: Ah…. .

….. It is impossible.

Idia: Why did I make that silly promise to go to the [Entrance Ceremony] …..

Idia: No, this happened because I am a weak man before Ortho’s requests…. .

Idia:… .. No, of course not !!!!!

Idia: For a Hikikomori the Entrance Ceremony is a great event where all the students of the school gather, and in which there is no way to escape!

Idia: Also, I’m not the Dorm Leader now….!?

Just thinking about how much attention I could get from those around me.

*Knock Knock

Ortho: Nii-san?

Idia: Hi! … O-ortho. What happen?

Ortho: I’m going to the spare room* for a moment.

T/N: I haven’t idea, that part said a strange word that I did not understand x"D, I leave the sentence in case anyone knows (しばらく連動フィールドに行きます)

Ortho: The entrance ceremony is just around the corner, I need to get used to the new body quickly!

Idia: Oh yeah. Be careful. Do not be late.

Ortho: Yup.

Idia: He looks pretty happy …

Do you look happy about the ceremony?

Idia: Even though I knew it for a long time [You won’t be able to do the exam during the Entrance Ceremony], I would feel bad if I told you now.

Knock Knock*

Idia: Ah, hi !? Or … Ortho?

Riddle: Idia Shroud, I’m from the Heartslabyul Bedroom, Riddle Rosehearts.

Idia: Ri-ri-riddle !? What, what are you doing in Ignihyde’s bedroom?

Riddle: The director sent me here. Even if I wore a necklace before you to attend the meetings, it is not sure if you will go to the entrance ceremony… right?

Riddle: Heavens, the ceremony is so close that I haven’t once shown my face because of the preparations.

Riddle: You and Malleus senpai are the only leaders missing from the meeting. So come on, hurry up please.

Idia: Mm….

Riddle: Mm?

Idia: Impossible.

Riddle: … Ah? Impossible? What is impossible?

Your physical condition is not well?

Idia: No, there is no chance right now … attending the meetings … talking face to face with the other leaders … I can’t do it!

Riddle: You must be kidding…. you will be a leader soon. Such weakness is not acceptable.

Riddle: I too am short of time.* Hurry up, open the door please!

T /N: That he doesn’t have much free time left.

Idia: No, no no no, I don’t want to! I don’t want to be a Bedroom leader!

Riddle: How irresponsible. No matter the reason, it is natural to assume the role once given.

Idia: Uh…. I’m out of that “natural” something.

I started to push my own values.

Riddle: You are a grumpy person! Am I saying the wrong thing !?

Riddle: Everything is annoying to you. At least prepare decently for the entrance ceremony…. .

Idia: That is the ultimate magic of “everyone” … the same pressure to erase an individual, the essence of going unprepared, by general theory. ×

Idia: I’m scared, I don’t want to become a young man without autonomy. ×

Riddle: Aghh …

Riddle: You say you can’t speak to anyone’s face, but ….. because you’re on the other side of the door, you can say anything you want!

Riddle: As I always thought, your attitude to inspire that person* has disturbed school morale.

T/N: I don’t know if it refers to people in general or someone specifically xD

Riddle: Above all, I feel uncomfortable. Stop now!

Idia: Hey, being the only person in the world… .that fear… I don’t know how that would feel…. .×

Riddle: Aghh! What you do offends me!

Riddle: I will never be an incompetent Bedroom Leader like you, Hikikomori!

Idia: I am I have a modest and confused personality unlike you who is covered in greed and greed …

Riddle:…. You, what did you just say?

Idia: Hi …

Idia: W-please, leave me alone! I’ve been doing well with this lifestyle since before you arrived.

Riddle: Aha, sure. Probably. It must have been easy.

Riddle: Why don’t you let Ortho Shroud take over so you don’t have to do anything!

Idia: Eh…. .

Riddle: You will not attend the meeting, nor will you prepare for the entrance ceremony, nor will you deal with the guests, since everything depends on you.

Riddle: Anyway, surely you won’t attend the next ceremony, right? Will you at least say hello to him?

Riddle: Sorry for wanting to force an irresponsible Bedroom Leader to work !!!

Idia: Ha? Did I not say that I would not attend the entrance ceremony? Can you stop making your own assumptions ??

Idia: I will be at the next entrance ceremony !!!

Riddle: Didn’t you just contradict yourself?

Riddle: Now I’m the fool, can I expect an inspiring speech from you?

Idia: Of course.

Riddle: Hey. Okay, so I’ll hold my scarf and I’ll be waiting for you!

Idia: ….

Idia: …. I’m an idiot - - - !?

Idia: [… I will be at the next entrance ceremony]

Idia: It can’t be. It is impossible! Ahhhhh … what should I do? ……

The end.

× [if you don’t get it wrong, Idia was reading something while ignoring Riddle, who was standing outside his door.] X “D

I translate these chapters from Japanese with the help of translators so if there is a mistake in the translation it is my fault. (´ ° ̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω ° ̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ ｀)

#idia shroud #twisted wonderlanf #TW

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laurianos · 5 years ago

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Prince’s Gambit - Chapter 19 *waggles eyebrows* Summary

@failes-xtra-bits

Quotes in bold. My comments, thoughts and dumb jokes in italics.

As we all know, this is the chapter where they do the sex. It was very hard not to include everything, but I have summarised and picked out some bits that I’d like to talk more about. Sorry lads, this is a long one, but I have many thoughts!

Before I start, I’d like to mention how interesting it is that the events of chapter 18 lead straight into this chapter.

Things might have turned out very differently if Jord had never interrupted the Lamen kiss on the battlements. In chapter 17, Laurent is calm and in a good mood after their victory. He accepts that he wants Damen and is willing to let himself have him, even just for one night. In chapter 17, every time Damen and Laurent speak, it’s as if they are in their own intimate bubble, everything around them is just a hazy blur, like time is on pause. The next morning they would have to face reality but just for one night they can forget it all and have each other.

Instead things take a big turn in chapter 18 and we now have Laurent in a foul mood. Old wounds have been reopened. While he is left alone, he has time to think. He is reminded of the abuse from his uncle and his brother’s death. The person he has come to trust and love is his brother’s killer. With all of that comes a mix of feelings. In his current situation, any wrong move could cost Laurent everything. The Regent plots against him, always seeming one step ahead. The pressure is on. He is no longer distracted by their earlier victory. Things feel very real again. When Damen and Laurent finally do sleep together, it’s not with the mood of chapter 17, it’s after a harsh reminder of pain and everything else that is at stake.

So with that in mind, here is the chapter 18 summary:

Damen is angry. He orders the section clear (again).

‘Are there orders for what should be done with the prisoners?

Throw Aimeric off the battlements. (XD) ‘Keep him confined in his rooms.’

‘Yes Captain.’

‘I want this whole section kept clear. And Guymar?’

‘Yes, Captain?’

‘This time, I want it actually kept clear. (I Love Damen’s Sass! XD) I don’t care who is about to get molested. No one is to come here. Is that understood?’...

He wanted to make a barrier that protected Laurent from anyone who would intrude on him. He’d keep that perimeter clear, if it meant stalking these battlements and patrolling it himself.

He knew this about Laurent. That once he gave himself time alone to think, the control returned, reason won out.

On Damen’s way out, he asks one of the guards to ‘Watch over the Prince,’ saying ‘Anything he needs, make certain he has it. Take care of him.’ and ‘He deserves your loyalty.’

Damen finally goes to ‘his’ room. He drains a cup of wine, unpins his Captain's badge, looks out the window and thinks.

...

Laurent enters the room. Damen realises who’s room he is standing in. Laurent steps forward.

...

Laurent said, ‘I know you’re planning to leave tomorrow. You’re going to cross the border, and you’re not going to come back. Say it.’

‘I-’

‘Say it.’

‘I’m going to leave tomorrow,’ said Damen, as steadily as he could. ‘I’m not going to come back.’ He drew in a breath that hurt his chest. ‘Laurent-’

‘No, I don’t care. Tomorrow you leave. But you’re mine now. You’re still my slave tonight.’ (Laurent probably thinks, if he can just have this for one night and have it over with, hopefully the feelings will go away and he can return to ‘normal’ afterwards.)

Laurent pushes Damen onto the bed.

‘I-don’t-’

‘I think you do,’ said Laurent

Laurent starts to undress Damen.

‘What are you doing?’ Damen’s breath was shaky.

‘What am I doing? You are not very observant.’

‘You’re not yourself,’ said Damen. ‘And even if you were, you don’t do anything without a dozen motives.’

Laurent went very still, the soft words half bitter. ‘Don’t I? I must want something.’ (I wonder if Laurent gets sick of people making assumptions about his character. Probably. He was clearly irritated by something Damen said. Perhaps because this is the one time he has no motivation. He is with Damen purely because he wants to be. In fact I’m sure he’d rather he didn't want Damen at all but he couldn’t help himself.)

‘Laurent, he said.

‘You take liberties,’ said Laurent. ‘I never gave you permission to call me by my name.’

‘Your Highness,’ said Damen, and the words twisted, wrong in his mouth. (I’d just like to mention that Pacat once said she likes the idea of Damen calling Laurent ,‘Your Highness’, in bed XD) He needed to say, Don’t do this. But he couldn’t think past Laurent, improbably close. (I think Damen is in disbelief but also torn. He wants this so badly but wonders if this is what Laurent really wants, and if he’s in the right mood to be making this decision) ...

‘I don’t think you want me. I think you just want me to feel this.’

‘Then, feel it,’ said Laurent.

Laurent continues to undress Damen, unlacing his trousers.

‘I see you are everywhere in proportion.’ XD

Laurent proceeds to give Damen a hand job.

The grip felt more like ownership than a caress...

The rise and fall of Laurent’s hand was like the slide of Laurent’s words, like every frustrating argument that they’d ever had, stymied, tangled up in Laurent’s voice. He could feel the tension in Laurent, sharp like the feel of his own heartbeats. Laurent held his former mood within him, constrained, and converted into something else.

...

Laurent said, ‘Adequate.’ XD

One of my favourite things about this chapter, is how it didn't quite go the way I thought it would. We all knew Damen and Laurent would eventually sleep together, but I didn’t think it would be like this. The start isn’t so much of a surprise. Laurent’s mood from chapter 18 carries on into this one. I expected angst, and we got some.

But this is when it changes. It’s slow and tender and full of emotion. We see Laurent’s vulnerabilities and hesitation. This is why I love it so much. It’s not just sex for the sake of sex. Fine, yes, we get all the juicy details (and I’m certainly not complaining about that 😏) you would expect to find in a smut chapter, BUT, it’s so much more than than that. There is actual character and relationship development. It is the most open and honest the two have been with each other so far. It was the moment we were all waiting for and it did not disappoint.

Damen said, ‘Kiss me.’...

He had pushed himself up, so that his body made a curve, the planes of his abdomen shifting. Laurent’s gaze splayed out instinctively over him (Laurent be checking him out like 👀), then lifted to his own...

He could feel the desperate urge for retreat. He could feel something else too, Laurent keeping himself apart, as though, this act being finished, he had no template for what to do.

With Laurent finished (or rather, Damen finished XD), it releases some of the tension from earlier and Laurent’s bad mood seems to have disappeared. He is no longer acting on impulse driven by mixed emotions. He can’t hide behind anger any longer. He is forced to experience it all and confront his own feelings with his guard lowered.

‘Kiss me,’ he said again.

They kiss. Then Damen draws back and kisses Laurent on the neck.

It was not what Laurent had expected. He felt the slight shock of Laurent’s surprise, and the way Laurent held himself, as though confused as to why Damen wished to do this (poor boy is affection starved 😭)

They kiss again deeply.

Damen starts to undress Laurent.

He thought of the servant he had seen attending Laurent earlier, how much he had disliked it. (Jealous boi 😛)

Damen removes Laurent’s jacket and shirt. He sees that Laurent is aroused.

Laurent said, ‘Did you think I was made of stone?’

He couldn’t stop the rush of pleasure he felt at that, said, ‘Nothing you don’t want.’

‘You think I don’t want it?’

...

Laurent pushes Damen back with his boot, and Damen removes it.

They kiss again and Damen starts unlacing Laurent’s trousers, removing them.

Damen gives Laurent head.

For all his seeming experience, Laurent reacted like an innocent to this pleasure. He let out a soft shocked sound...

.... Laurent’s slight, helpless shifts and pushes, the quality of his surprise, and the hard act of repression that followed, as Laurent tried to even out his breathing...

Damen could feel Laurent’s cycle of reaction and repression beneath him, as impetus gathered, building in the lines of Laurent’s body.

And felt it stymied. As rhythm built, Laurent’s body locked down, his responses repressed... Laurent, out on the shattered edge of pleasure, was holding himself back from climax by sheer force of his impossible will...

After a long moment Laurent said, with painful honesty, ‘I... find it difficult to let go of control.’

‘No kidding,’ said Damen XD

...

The words fell into a stillness between them. Laurent’s breathing was shallow, and his cheeks were flushed as he closed his eyes, as though he wanted to block out the world. (He desperately wants to forget all his conflicting thoughts so he can just feel and experience this moment.)

‘I want,’ said Laurent, ‘I want it to be simple.’

‘Turn over,’ said Damen...

Laurent closed his eyes again, as if in decision. Then he acted.

Laurent turns over onto his front. (Damen is not prepared and dies slightly from shock.)

He felt nervous suddenly, green, as he hadn’t felt since he was thirteen - uncertain of what lay on the other side of this moment, and wanting to be worthy of it.

Damen mentions how tense Laurent seems. He turns Laurent over again to face him.

‘... a desperate irritation that overlay something else... For all his bizarre nervy tension, Laurent was indisputably eager, physically...

‘Contrary, aren’t you,’ said Damen softly, thumbing over Laurent’s cheek.

‘Fuck me,’ said Laurent.

‘I want to,’ said Damen. ‘Can you let me?’...

The idea of being fucked very clearly had Laurent out of his mind, as desire competed with some sort of convoluted mental objection that really needed, Damen thought, to be dispensed with...

DAMEN!!! How do you not know?!!! How have you not picked up on what could be wrong?! gaaahhh! ... *sigh* BUT I will put my frustrations for oblivious Damen aside. Pacat does mention she felt it had to be that way, that Damen shouldn’t know.

‘I am letting you,’ said Laurent, the terse words pushing out. ‘Will you get on with it?’...

In Laurent’s eyes, impatience and tension overlay something unexpectedly young and vulnerable. Damen’s heart felt exposed, outside of his chest.

...

A wild vial appears.

He could look nowhere but at Laurent, both of them here with nothing between them, and Laurent allowing it...

It was intensely private...

The reality of it was different; Laurent was different. Damen had never thought it could be like this, soft and quiet and acutely personal.

...

Let the sex commence!

...

You’re mine, he wanted to say, and couldn’t. Laurent didn’t belong to him; this was something he could have only once. (*sniff* cri! 😢) ...

To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up. (*sobbing* 😭)

Never had he wanted something this badly, and held it in his hands knowing that tomorrow it would be gone, traded for the high cliffs of Ios, and the uncertain future across the border, the chance to stand before his brother, to ask him for all the answers that no longer seemed so important. A kingdom, or this. (*ugly crying* 😩 *balling eyes out* 😭😭)

...

Climax. End.

#I have many thoughts!!!#captive prince #capri #prince's gambit #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #laurent #damen #spoilers #capri spoilers #captive prince spoilers #prince's gambit spoilers

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