#so you breakdown and she doesn't even realise what the fuck she said and why you got so confused and upset to begin with

[schroedingerscryptid]

.

[pheavampire]

Why does Alastor help Charlie?

I think there are two main theories that make the most sense.

The popular theory about Lilith - she owns Alastor's soul and ordered him to protect her daughter. Everything seems to fit: they've been both gone for 7 years, there's a rumour that Alastor was "in holy arms" (so probably in heaven with her), he fights Adam just to almost die and then he has a breakdown and sings that he is "hungry for freedom like never before". He even gives this particular look when he sees her in the family portrait in the pilot episode (he clearly looks at Lucifer first, then he looks at Lilith or maybe Charlie).

That would mean Alastor is a prisoner in the hotel and must protect it against his will.

As much as I like this theory, I don't really think this one is true. Mostly because he goes out whenever he likes. He was also able to run away from Adam after he lost the fight. If he had an order to protect Charlie at all cost, shouldn't he stay at the battlefield to the very end? Plus: I bet Lilith is super smart woman. If she knows Alastor, wouldn't she forbid him to make any deals with her naive, sweet daughter? Would she sent him to her without making sure he won't harm her child in any way?

To me Alastor acts like a man who does what he wants… for now at least.

Let's say he made a deal with Roo, Satan, Loa, even Lilith or other super powerful being - doesn't really matter. For some reason, this being restricted his power, making him weaker and "clipping his wings". Alastor watches the TV show with Lucifer's powerful, yet a bit awkward daughter and immediately knows she needs help. He goes to her and convinces her that he is very, very useful. He wants her to like him, to be on his side - to help him in the future, when he will have a chance to regain his freedom.

Then why he fights Adam, having no chance to win?

Well, to me he doesn't look like someone who knows he has no chance to win. He is super confident he will end Adam's "fucking life". The defeat is a surprise for him - that's why he has a breakdown in the finale. He realises the danger is bigger than he thought. He is "hungry for freedom like never before" because without it, he doesn't have his full power. Without the full power, he is vulnerable.

Now, are you convinced? No? Maybe that's good, because that being said…

…this theory has its flaws too. Mostly because he lost his power in the finale, when Adam broke his cane. It would be weird and kind of inconsistent if the writers made him loose his power twice - gradually.

But! Whatever his deal is really about, I think we can be sure Alastor has something to do with Lilith and that he tries to become Charlie's ally to use her in the future, when he will be finally able to break free from whoever owns him.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Let's do one more episode tonight. The sooner we wrap up this stupid Emperor plot arc, the better.

***

LMAO, there goes maternal uncle Bai.

He should have just sat home and eaten his food and he would still be alive, but no, he just had to be greedy. Serves him right.

***

Eh, you fought for this marriage.

***

Moar plot holes and shitting on established characterisation.

I'm supposed to believe that the Princess (and by extension, the doormat Duke) suddenly became loyal and benevolent to Minglan and Gu Tingye, especially since there is now an actual perceived risk to associating with them? Please.

***

LMAO, I love Lady Zhang 🤣🤣

Molan has certainly lost none of her talent for making enemies and then she moans and whines about how everyone is excluding her. LOL, bitch, have you ever wondered why?

***

Oh, great 🙄

She gets on my very last nerve but I suppose that today is the day when all of Minglan's true friends must show their faces. She can cross everyone who doesn't show up off her list for life.

***

Wiping tears rn, ngl 😭

Danju, my beloved 💙

***

Aww, her cousins from the countryside are here too!

Truly, all the important people!

***

WTF.

This baby has been alive for a whole month and has already suffered TWO assassination attempts 🤬 Madam Qin is not giving up on the marquis title!

***

WHAT THE FUCK?

SHE IS AN ACTUAL ASSASSIN??

I DID NOT SEE THAT FIGHT COMING!!

FENGXIAN, WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO BECOME INTERESTING ALL OF A SUDDEN? AND AFTER TRYING TO KILL A BABY, NO LESS!!

***

Aww, Zhao'er is looking good and coming throuuuuuuugh!!

***

LMAO, suffer.

If you had only let Minglan in on your whole plot, she would not be making an embarrassment out of herself and everyone here now.

***

LOL, he is a whole mood 🤣🤣

***

This is why Minglan and Changbai should have been told.

They have the potential to screw up the entire plan and bring down the Sheng family in the process.

The stupidity of writing here, I cannot even.

***

LMAO, they are almost making me feel sorry for Sheng Hong 🤣🤣

Such unreasonable children!

***

OMG, she's going to tell her!

Please, tell her! Please, someone, have some brains and compassion here!

***

LOL, I have absolutely no love for Gu Tingye at this point, but this is hilarious.

Girl, your marriage is a hellscape and it's your own doing. You're so full of bile and wretchedness, you would not be happy if you married and Emperor.

***

LOL, no matter what their status is, they will STILL look down upon you.

***

How am I supposed to be rooting for Gu Tingye after all this?

She is having a mental breakdown in public because of his dumbassery. He's one of the worst male leads I've ever encountered in a c-drama ever. No love.

***

LMAO, look at the pot calling the kettle black 🤣🤣

With that said, what did she expect, marrying this guy? He probably has every STD known to man by now.

***

LOL, you treated her well?

IN WHICH LIFE??

***

What? WHAT?

She killed Chunke? Like her mother did??

I didn't even realise Chunke had died, wtf.

[terribles-world]

The clash: 02

Main protagonist: jjk x reader! best friends au.

Genre: angst, slow burn

Warnings: self doubting, self realisation.

Summary: All the events in your life now make you feel you aren't good enough for someone to be with you. Taehyung being an angel here. ♡

Word count: 1.5k

an: I couldn't wait for you PPL to read it's second part. I'm too happy guys. Hope you like it. Enjoy!

It's been a week since you broke your friendship with kook. Sorry my bad. Jungkook! Calling him by 'kook' felt so warm like a feeling being in a real home. Now it feels nothing but a guilt of how vulnerable you became to someone. So fragile that just a person can shatter you like broken pieces of glass. So weak that you couldn't even handle your emotions that led you to the moment having a mental breakdown in the bathroom tub just after coming back from your formal best friends house.

Why me? It's been a week since you've been ignoring your part-time job at a coffee shop. Hiding in your apartment to get an escape from this cruel world that keeps hurting you. Maybe you're the problem that keeps getting hurt. Is it too hard for someone to like you just the way you are. Aren't you good enough for someone?

Passing a week having existential crisis makes you fall apart from the woman you used to be. Being in your twenties you need to have a stable job, be responsible, brave to do the right thing. But you? Is that what you're or the opposite. You hate the feeling how helpless you feel rn. Someone who took you for granted not even bothers about your feelings broke you almost 7 years of friendship with him. Miserable isn't?

Finally the day has come when your leaving holidays come to an end. You need to be in the coffee shop in like 6 hours later. But what are you doing in the middle of the night at 3 a.m? Didn't get sleep or sleep is nowhere to be found in your mind full flooded with thoughts.

Looking at your face while doing skincare makes you wanna puke now. What have you become ___? Getting ready for your shift you walk out of your small and cozy apartment. Not so small but enough for a living. Locking up your apartment someone bumped into your shoulder. "I'm really sorry" she replied. "It's fine."you said looking straight but to your surprise she was Hyuna, your highschool friend. "Hyuna! What you doing here"you feel lightened. "___? Is that you? Fuck you grown up so much. Like a role model." She exclaimed. You laughed followed by her. "But what you doing at 8 in the morning?"you asked. "I just shifted here."she smiled. "We are in the same floor now? Fuck I'm so excited" you can't control your happiness and hugged her. " Are you free now" she asked looking at you. "Just going for work. Will come back sharp 6 in the evening. Would you like to grab something after that if yo-?" she cut me in the middle. "Yes! I would love to." You smiled. " Okay then see you later." Then you are off. A little socialing with people makes you feel lighter than the feeling you have been feeling a lot in the whole week.

Park Hyuna, your high school friend who was a bit closer to you after jungkook. She would always sit with you in the class for the whole 2 freaking years. Until you got to know she has a crush on jungkook. Like who doesn't have? He is indeed handsome and charming for anyone to drool over him. But you became a bit protective for your best friend. She would always try to make a convo when you and jungkook would be alone. Initially you felt a bit awkward but eventually you got comfortable for you 3 to hang out all together. It felt surreal. But until one day you saw her and jungkook kissing under a tree while the weather was cloudy and almost about to rain. You don't know but that felt so heartbroken. Tears started rolling from your cheeks. Why she can't be fucking you? Why can't he love you? Aren't you enough for someone?

You left the place in a hurry just not to get caught by someone for looking at your two friends kissing. Hurriedly going to your house not even caring an ounce when your mother started ranting about how irresponsible you are for getting wet in the rain. But you couldn't care less how frustrated you feel. It meant to happen someday you knew it. It fucking hurts. Since then you started hanging out with them less than you used to. Ignoring jungkook when he would ask you to Hangout or sit with Hyuna. It changed so fast. Until one day she broke up with her the day after graduation so suddenly and then she disappeared. You felt bad as well as relieved. Bad cause she has been a good friend. Relieved because now you got your best friend I guess. But that didn't last long when he started hooking up randomly, started drinking all of a sudden and then after the terrible incident happened. 'You don't need to remember that', you remind yourself.

Reaching your destination: Kim's Cafe. You let a relieved sigh. Opening the door just to face the mocking by the shop owner Kim Seokjin. "Woah! Look who decided to show up today. Finally what have I done to get this honour of your presence in my tiny little shop, Miss ___." rolling your eyes. "You are annoying ". Deciding to ignore it and went to your changing room to wear your apron. Coming back to your place you were greeted by taehyung. "Are you okay?" he asked the first when he looked at you. Couldn't be able to make eye contact with him just nodding at his words. Too afraid he would see your dark circles under your eyes for not being able to sleep peacefully at night or see how empty you are from inside. "Okay. But if you need anything that includes you like to talk to someone I'm all ears." You still nodded your head. Just realising you got other friends too other than jungkook being in your life. More like an actual friend. A real friend.

Kim taehyung, two years older than you that'd something he is always proud of. The younger brother of the shop owner Kim Seokjin but everybody calls him Jin. Not only Jin but WWH or world wide handsome. I would definitely call him that cause he is beautiful, exceptionally magnificent features. That's why this shop is crowded almost everyday. On the other hand his brother has never been too self obsessed but a little shy around everyone. Sometimes it makes you think that he is actually hitting on you or maybe it's your assumptions. Once you saved him from a terrible woman who was touching him badly calling out for him to serve her coffee. When you noticed this immediately replaced him going to her actually teaching some manners in her head not to ogle at younger men double her age. Eventually Jin got to know about it and banned her from the shop. Taehyung didn't say anything just hugged you. Patting his back and he put his head in the crook of your neck making you feel tickled that was less concerns you than the person lying on your shoulder cause he indeed needed one. Since then you two became good friends. He knows you are being friends with jungkook. He even hung out with two of you.

Going through your social media account during your break slightly sitting at the edge of the table you let out a sigh thinking what he must be doing, zoning out scrolling your Instagram not knowing what your phone is showing up to you. Taehyung never saw you like this. Weak by health, lost the shine of your eyes, pale face, not even cared to eat healthy. He walked to you. Sitting beside you he looked at your phone. "Eww! You naughty little tiger". Coming out to reality realising what he just said then noticing your phone which is actually a couples page where a man showing up his hickey. Gasping you immediately lock your phone. "It's rude to look at someone's phone you know." you stand straight turning your face starting to walk out off there when he held your hand pulling you to him, making you land off his chest. "Hey! It's okay. I'm here. Everything's gonna be okay." That's it. That's what you needed at the very moment. You held him by his shoulder pulled closer hugging him right tightly. He didn't ask anything letting you hug him. Patting your back he let you rest your head in his shoulder for a few good minutes. Until you heard Jin murmuring some weird lyrics and shouting "Bro! The hell. You and ____. What you two doing in the kitchen. And what's with all the lovely dovey. Ohh my eyes where is my eye drop. I can't see this." Hearing his over acting you two separate each other and tae defended you both. "It's nothing okay." Of course it's nothing. But is it?

Hope you guys enjoyed reading it. Do let me know your perspective on reading it and what you PPL think of this ongoing storyline. Hope you liked it. :)

Happy reading!

[singsweetmelodies]

Katie, sorry to have a piarles breakdown in your dms but your charles pining after pierre post triggered me, zo

Charles gets a bf who is maybe blond and blue eyed and may or may not be a look like pierre if you blurred him

And Charles does love him, maybe more platonically, but really he just craves the intimacy with someone, someone who holds him, someone who kisses him, someone who cuddles with him. He knows he can't get pierre (I'm a ho for unrequited but requited love) so he will just settle for being happy instead of being blissful. His bf is more of a chill guy than like a possessive or agressive dude, he is just some guy who just likes charles.

Pierre never gives him the time of day like that (or so he thinks 👀), always busy running after his newest fling or invites him out other than their designated race week "catch up" dates. What charles misses though, is pierre giving him the look only reserved for him, the fond smile, pierre spending hours moaning to his mother, pierre secretly hating his bf but just accepts it (pierre wants to hate him, he even tries to justify it but bf just doesn't do anything, he is an average good guy), pierre drunk telling all of this to este who tells it to mick and somehow lewis finds out who gives charles sage but cryptic advice.

anyways, some day, something happens and bf isn't there to console charles who's on the verge of a breakdown over something and only pierre is there (who's also about to freak out seeing charles like this but controls himself) and helplessly asks "do u want me to call your boyfriend" and then charles looks at him with the most confused, earnest, tearful eyes and says "but you're here why would I need someone else" dumbfoundedly

(maybe that awful thing is someone trying to slip something in charles' drink but ofcourse pierre prevents it because he can never stop himself from looking at charles for more than 3secs and bees the caring protective guy he is takes charles home who hits with what actually happened at pierre's room)

OH MY GOD ANON PLEASE HAVE A PIARLES BREAKDOWN IN MY INBOX ANY DAY OF THE WEEK OMG 😍😍😍❗❗❗ this is AMAZING, oh my freaking word. yes to it all. just. YES!!!!! charles getting a boyfriend who looks a little like pierre bcs he craves the intimacy with someone but thinks he can never have pierre... GOD. that is one track that always slaps.

and i raise you: pierre, at some point when he's still a little in denial, starting to have flings with people who look a lot like charles. it starts with girls - gorgeous, green-eyed brunettes - but then it moves on to guys. maybe he doesn't even realise what he's doing at first, but when he's in a club or whatever, looking for his next hook-up... he singles out the people who bear a passing resemblance to charles if you were to blur them, exactly like you said. and maybe pierre wouldn't have realised at all, but then someone - lewis? yuki, in his blunt but kind way? - asks pierre why he's only been fucking people who look like charles lately. pierre tries to deny it, but then he thinks about it, and... oh, FUCK.

and then yes. charles' boyfriend. charles' sweet, but perfectly, incredibly average boyfriend. pierre can't find a reason to hate the guy, but by god, he can't stop thinking charles deserves better. charles is exceptional, after all! he deserves so much better than average. (maybe this is what he rants to his mum every single damn time she calls him)

and god. GOD. what if the awful thing that happens is indeed something slipped into charles' drink. and what if that something... is some kind of fucked up sex pollen drug. and maybe that's why pierre is desperate to call charles' boyfriend, but he's in another country. and charles needs help NOW. so pierre has to fuck charles, and fuck him good. and for both of them, it's the best but also the worst sex of their lives - for pierre because he thinks this is the only time he'll ever get to have charles like this and it's all fucked up, and for charles because he thinks pierre is only doing this because otherwise charles will literally die, and he doesn't actually have any feelings for charles.

and maybe afterwards - once he's made completely sure charles is okay - pierre apologises fervently and leaves. charles angsts over it for weeks. so does pierre. maybe this is where lewis gives the sage advice 💜💜 and finally, charles goes to confront pierre. "why did you apologise? why did you leave?" and pierre explains that he's still torn up with guilt. maybe he even called charles' boyfriend to explain and apologise (the boyfriend understood, but broke up kindly with charles bcs he Knows. he knew the moment pierre called him.) anyways pierre feels terrible about ruining charles' relationship, and that he technically made charles cheat, which is something charles as a person would never ever do, and... yeah it's just a whole MESS.

but then. charles touches pierre's face gently. "don't you remember what i told you that night? about not needing anyone else if you're there?" and pierre is like "yeah but you were literally dying of fever. you were delusional, obviously you didn't mean it." which makes charles swallow, and say, "but what if i did, pierre? what if i did mean it? what if i've always meant it?"

anyway. 😅😅😅. sorry to take your fricking epic idea and make it just fucking insane. ummmm... yeah. *sees myself out* thank you SO fucking much for the literally incredible pining-charles idea, though, anon, oh my fucking GOD, you are the truest MVP of all 🙏🙏🙏❤️

[achilleswins]

Possible trigger warning under the cut (definite breakdown and maybe some other things I didn't realise)

Vent under cut:

Today started mostly. Well. I haven't slept yet so suppose yesterday started normal. Any way. This morning my mum and I went to a run/walk. A sort of training for a marathon. That part's not particularly important.

Afterwards I had my psychiatrist's appointment so we go to pick up my dad and go to her's. Of course I'm sweaty and my mum thinks I should change my shirt because I'm sweaty. I don't think I need to but I agree because she wants me to. So I tell her I'll change in the car.

This part is the first step to my breakdown.

She says that it's okay since I have a sports bra underneath. I tell her (ask?) why it matters. We talk s little about that. I think it's okay to change (fuck, I'm crying again) as long as you do it in the car. ("It takes a minute, anyway.") My mum disagrees and we argue (not rudely) and my mum says "I always think you've grown and matured and then you say things like that."

(And fuck, if that didn't hurt and break my heart.)

Anyway, I'm mad (not really, just heartbroken she would ever say that, like that) that she's said that but I stay quiet. By that time we're home. (Sometimes I doubt it's truly my home, but anyway.) She confirms I'm staying in the car and leaves. A few minutes later (of internally overthinking it) she and my dad comes out. We talk about a few things the three of us. Now I don't remember if this is while we're at the car, after or after we're inside the building. But either I tell her I'm mad at her for telling me that. (She doesn't even remember what she said to make me so, which makes me truly mad. Though not raging. Just. Angry.)

We don't talk much about it at that time and my psychiatrist (a very kind woman that I like) comes, saying she'll talk with my parents. I'm left alone to my thoughts for a while.

A while later they come back and she takes me to talk. It goes well.

Afterwards in the car I explained to them what we talked about. We come home, again nothing truly important happens.

The 2nd or the 3rd (the 2nd is probably telling her I'm mad, to be honest) happens after I arrive home.

I come home. I unleash my dog and set her free. The door rings, it's my mother. I let her in of course.

A few minutes pass as I wash my hands and etcetera.

I come to the living/dining room. My mother sits in her chair. I, again, tell her I'm mad.

She says "I didn't say anything bad. I never said you couldn't study overseas (or whatever, I'm translating) or," she says some more that I don't quite remember. (Even if it's been less than 10 minutes.) I answer with "I don't get why underwear is so bad, people go around with less!" I say, like (and I'm sobbing as I write this) a fucking idiot. She easily answers with. "Underwear. Exactly. No matter what you can't do go out in underwear. Underwear can't show. They might be showing more skin, it doesn't matter as long as underwear isn't visible." My heart takes another hit. I'm not yet on the verge of crying. But I'm certainly getting closer.

I don't know if I said anything right now but it's quite likely. She continues on. "Your grandmother told me, and I didn't see this but, she told me you do/did (I sit mostly with my legs open and most of the time with one of them in the air, she showed a version of it with body language.) this when a neighbour came. And men, or women it doesn't matter, some you don't know; a stranger comes into the house or whatever you don't do this. Your grandmother asked me(us?) 'Have you never told/Do you never tell her how to act nicely?" And [my name], you sit nicely. You are a young woman now."

And by now I am already sad, most likely on the verge of tears. But it is nothing next to her next words. She shatters my heart with them:

"Normal- well, I would say 90... 99% of [nationality] people would agree that you don't do that. That's not what a young woman does."

And out of everything, that slip at the start was the thing that broke me, shattered my heart the most.

Of course, as soon as she told me that I was on the move. Slowly mind you, I was barely holding back my son's and cries and didn't want her to be suspicious. I went to the kitchen. Got me a "drink". (It was less than 70ml, I'm sure. I don't mean alcohol, more that it was far too little to be considered anything more than a sip.) And by that time my tears were already slowly flowing and I basically flew to my room after that.

I closed my room door and almost immediately started sobbing. Of course, I know how to sob, how to cry silently. So that wasn't a problem.

You see if you have never seen me before and even if you have you might not know that I have a disorder. ADHD. (The reason I go to the psychiatrist.) And that is a big reason why that "normal" affected me a lot more than it might've other people.

Of course, I had a breakdown that lasted a little close to 10 minutes but not quite. I'm definitely better now but I may still go in a crying fit if you get what I mean. Still sensitive. Raw.

Anyway. During my breakdown I just cried and searched up a few things ranging from "Why does society have so many rules" (1 time) to "Why can't I be normal" (4 times) and "I just want to be normal" (12 times).

Fun times.

Anyway, make fun of my shit if you please, would probably make me cheer up a little even if I see it like in 4 weeks.

[frospino]

I was wondering if you can write a sort of continuation to The Answer? (Im sorry I really loved it.) Continuation in the sense reader knew Marius liked Rosa, but can be totally unconnected. The reader finding out Marius used to give Rosa lots of gifts (the ephyllium, amethyst, portrait, etc.) and Marius was worried that reader is gonna get jealous. She initially felt a twinge of jealousy then realized it’s Marius she fell in love with – him, his smile, dorkiness, etc. All of him, not his money. A bit angst to fluff, if you will. If this is too much plz feel free to ignore!

A Story in Pictures

(can be read as a continuation of The Answer or as a stand-alone!)

Pairing: Marius von Hagen (Lu Jinghe) x Reader

Genre: Slight angst in the beginning, lots of fluffy fluff

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 1.196

A/N: I'm sorry this took me so long!! I've been writing small pieces during project breaks whenever I could. I hope this is what you wanted. The fluffiness might have run away with me at the end. I just want Marius to hold me and tell me he loves me <3

---

You know that Marius was once in love with her. Of course you do. You saw him try to impress her, time and time again, only to be crushed by her reaction. You held him when he had a breakdown in a club. You talked to him about it multiple times – what he saw in her, why he lost himself so much around her, what you could do in your relationship to give him more confidence.

Still, seeing the portrait he painted of her in one of the piles in his studio feels different. He has handed you a key, said you can visit whenever you like. It felt, still feels, as much as a promise of forever as a ring.

You wonder why he has kept this painting. You study the pencil lines, her expression, the light reflected in her eyes. Marius’s talent is remarkable, of course. But more than that, what really stands out is the love the painter has poured onto the paper.

The other paintings in the stack seem somewhat disconnected from this one. A flower; or rather, a sparkling blossom in a serene forest. A toy dog in an arcade, droplets of colour mixed into an otherwise grey and white background. A bird view of what must be Stellis City. Something tells you these paintings must tell a story when put together, but you don’t understand it.

“They’re gifts I gave her. Dates we had.” For someone so tall and lanky as himself, Marius sure knows how to be sneaky. You jump at his voice, having believed yourself to be alone until now.

“You sure showered her with gifts, huh?” you ask, the question rhetorical in nature. You try to keep your tone light, but a tinge of bitterness creeps in anyway. You turn around and see your boyfriend, one hand behind his head, ears bright red – in embarrassment?

“I just… I never felt as if I was enough for her. I thought if only I bought her enough gifts—”

You wave a hand, dismissing what he just said. You’ve heard this before. You know the story. Still, you can’t stop the sudden heat of jealousy in your stomach. Why has he kept these paintings?

Marius sighs and his shoulders drop ever so slightly. “You weren’t supposed to find them.”

Anger flares up then, hot and violent. The room, Marius, your emotions – everything feels as if it had been dipped into crimson paint. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Marius flinches in response, and you realise your voice sounds as sharp as a knife. Good. He has some explaining to do, and you want him to feel just how angry his words have made you.

“Okay, now that I think about it, I realise that sounded bad. And doesn't come close to the truth.” Marius looks at you with his huge, violet eyes, and you once again curse his genes. It’s so hard to stay angry with him, even when he deserves it.

Probably sensing the shift in your demeanour, Marius takes a tentative step towards you. Then another. He keeps walking until he’s close enough to touch you, and you can feel your body leaning towards him on instinct. It’s almost as if your bodies are opposite magnetic poles. His pull is too strong to resist.

Marius feels… safe. He would never hurt you on purpose.

All tension leaves your body as you practically fall against him. His arms wrap around you, pulling you even closer, leaving no space for the doubts that had pierced your mind just seconds before.

“I’m sorry,” Marius whispers against your hair. “What I meant to say was…” He is quiet for a moment. He plays with your hair, twirls it around one finger, and you can tell just how nervous he is. “I’ve kept these as a reminder. I’ve told myself I wouldn’t hide behind expensive gifts and fancy dates. I want you to like me.”

“But you give me expensive gifts all the time,” you mumble against his shirt. You can feel the rumble of his laugh in your chest. “That’s different. They’re… an extension of who I am, rather than a front. Like… I know you see me. I know you like being with me. You still deserve everything money can buy. These things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

You detangle yourself from his hug and look at Marius, and the warmth and pure love you see in his eyes take your breath away for a moment. You feel foolish for having been jealous at all – which doesn’t mean Marius can get out of this without a little teasing.

You push your bottom lip out in your cutest, most pathetic pout – the one that gets him every time without fail – and cross your arms. “Good,” you say, “because I want lots of presents.” Marius answers in his finest whine in return. “But you said just being with me was enough!”

You close your eyes and tilt your head away from him. “You’re the one who said those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

Anyone watching you two would have thought you to be much younger than you actually are. You know Marius would have no qualms putting on a display like this in public, but you are glad for the privacy of his studio.

You wait for his reply, but Marius is uncharacteristically quiet. Have I taken the teasing too far? You slowly open one eye, intending to peak at your boyfriend—

—only to be startled by his face mere inches from yours. You jump back, almost like a cat touching tin foil, and Marius breaks out in laughter. You try to be stern and pretend you’re hurt, but his laughter is infectous, and soon the both of you have tears rolling down your face, clutching each other for support as your bodies vibrate with happiness. “You’re—you’re ridiculous, I hope you know that!” you manage to utter. Marius winks at you, the smuggest grin on his face. “But that’s one of the reasons why you love me.”

A smile tugs at the corners of your lips, full of gratitude and warmth. “It is. I do. I love you.”

Marius takes both of your hands in his and interlaces your fingers. The sunlight filters in through the large windows, and in this lighting, his hair looks vibrant blue, but his features are softened, almost as if they have been airbrushed. I want to paint him like this, you think. “I love you too,” he says, and these three words make the scene in front of you even more perfect. There’s a burst of colours in your heart, vibrant and warm, and you practically leap into his arms.

You press yourself against him as tightly as you can – which draws out a quiet “Oi, please leave some air inside my lungs” from him. Embarrassed, you let go a little, enough to let him breathe, at least. “Sorry. It’s just. Everything is a lot, right now.” He chuckles and presses a feather-light kiss to your cheek. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“Promise to never let go?”

“Promise. I’ll hold on for as long as you want me to, my love.”

[randominagines]

Pairing: Nick Clark X reader

A version of the original story in which you are Nick's best friend and you live the apocalypse with him, sharing good and bad sides and realising that you are destined to be more than friends.

Warning: what if, sex reference, drug reference, parent's death, language, mostly angst, a bit fluff. I've changed some details from the original storyline, nothing too big btw.

P.s. if you find any mistake please correct me, English is not my mother tongue and I want to improve. Reblog, if you can, it helps a lot, thank you💕

P.p.s. gifs belong to the creators

Falling in love with Nick Clark would include:

You and him became friends when you were kids but he had a crush on you since forever, he never confessed it because he was just scared to ruin your friendship;

Plus, he thought you deserved so much more than him;

You were dating Calvin during high school and he was like super jealous but also worried because he knew Calvin was not a good boy;

When Calvin screwed everything up cheating on you Nick was half relieved, half sorry to see you heartbroken. He stood by your side, of course;

"Y/n, he's just an asshole, he doesn't know what he just lost";

"Thank you, Nick, I don't know what I would do without you";

He realized he was in love with you the last day of high school and also tried to summon up the courage to confess to you, but he was starting to become an addict and you were about to start college, so he gave up;

You tried to stop him from starting doing heroine and failed, but always stayed by his side. He never let you see him when he was in worst conditions but you always kept supporting and helping him by trying to convince him to go on rehabilitation. You drove him to therapy and helping group session. Even when he kept starting to drug himself again, you never pushed him away, even if the boy you were dating at the time couldn't understand why;

"Y/n, he's just an addict, why do you insist on being his friend?";

"I won't even bother trying to explain to you what Nick means to me. We're done, by the way.";

When Nick's father died he practically ran away from the funeral, but you knew where to find him: he didn't push you away, he let you stay by his side.

You felt your heart skip a beat when Alicia called you explaining about Nick's accident. You ran at the hospital to see him;

"Y/n! Finally someone willing to tell me how shitty I look right now.";

"Fuck you, Clark, you'll be the death of me one day."

You tried to to stay mad but you were mostly just relieved that he was okay;

He explained you what happened at the church and you immediately believed him;

"I knew you would have believed me, y/n;"

You even decide to go to the church to see what happened and found the blood stains on the floor. You were totally certain that Nick was not crazy and you also warned Madison about your recent discovery;

You comforted him when he called you telling you about the fact that he had killed Calvin, you were the only person he really wanted by his side in that moment. He had a mental breakdown in your arms and you just held him whispering to him that you were there for him;

He got angry when he knew you went to the church;

"Y/n, are you crazy? That is an awful place and could have been dangerous! I can't risk losing you.";

"I just wanted to prove to your mother and Travis that you were telling the truth.";

When the apocalypse started, your mother was bitten and killed herself to protect you. She only left you her necklace with a pendant shaped as a white daisy. The Clarks welcomed you in their family and Nick became the most importan person of your life;

"Mom is gone, I don't have a family anymore", you said while caressing your necklace;

"Y/n, never say this again, we are your family and you'll never be alone";

Madison and Alicia always consider you as a part of their family since you grew up with Nick so they did their best to make sure you could feel better;

You started to spend your days trying to move on and process the fact that your mom was gone. Nick was the most thoughtful person ever and you and him used to spend afternoons in the pool, his attraction and love toward you growing day by day, especiallybecauseyoure were spendingall the time together;

You comforted him when Madison found out that he was stealing morphine;

"Don't worry, Nick, everything will be okay.";

You stayed by his side during his abstinence crisis and tried your best to help him;

You were the most desperate when he was taken away, your mind being filled with thoughts of never seeing him anymore. That's when you realised that you were in love with your best friend;

Madison wanted to protect you by not getting you involved in Nick's rescue but you insisted;

"He's all I have, there's no way I'm waiting here. I'm coming with you."

You felt your heart melting when you finally found him, but the door was stuck and he tried to say goodbye to you, his eyes looking at you with love;

You immediately hugged him as soon as Liza opened the door, he held you back while you were whispering his name;

You found a moment of peace on the Abigail, not a day going by without you thinking about your mom but also the constant relief of having Nick by your side;

You always made sure he was okay, he was dealing with a drug rehabilitation without the proper medicines and therapies, after all. He appreciated your thoughtfulness more than everything and always reassured you that he was okay;

You and him used to spend whole nights looking at the stars and talking about many things, the usual harmony between the two of you connecting your minds and hearts;

"Nick, do you remember when we skipped math class every single wednesday because there was that offer in that restaurant where they served Mexican food? You were so obsessed!";

"I had almost forgot how much incline I was at spending my money on food, y/n.";

You two always ended up laughing a lot, when you were with him it was almost like the apocalypse never started;

"It's crazy how you have the power to make me forget that the world is actually falling apart, Nick.";

Nick was the best thing of your life, but you also developed a beautiful friendship with Chris, not to mention how much you and Alicia cared about each other;

He was absolutely happy to have you around on the Abigail but hiding his feelings was becoming more complicated. He was also kinda jealous of the complicity between you and Chris;

Alicia was the first person you confessed your feelings for Nick to. She's super clever so she had already noticed and she also knew that her brother loved you;

"I knew it, the way you look at him has changed. Just tell him, y/n.";

You were torn for days and also started to overthinking so much that you became paranoid, you also started to believe that Nick liked Ofelia;

You decided to land with them and were the first to notice Nick entirely covered in blood and moving among the zombies as he was one of them. Your stomach was knotted untill you looked at him in his eyes and realized he was okay;

He kept an eye on you during the whole battle against the zombies and you made sure to protect him as well. You always used to watch each other's backs in that situations;

"Oh my God, Nick. I thought you had turned, my heart literally stopped working!";

You shouted as soon as the battle was over while hugging him, not even the unpleasant scent of blood all over him stopping you from resting your head on his shoulder. He held you back.

He checked on your neck and wrists to make sure you were not hurt or bitten, he was frightened of the idea of losing you;

Once you were back on the Abigail you decided you were tired of him being so reckless and always putting his life at risk, you ignored him for the rest of the day;

He came knocking at your door for explanation and you finally snapped;

"I'm angry at you because you keep doing stupid, dangerous things and I can't fucking lose you. I know how egoistic this sounds, but I love you, Nicholas Clark, and I don't want to lose you.";

He was shocked at the beginning but immediately kissed you, he had been waiting for that moment since forever;

Your first time was absolutely incredible: you were so in harmony, not a trace of embarrassment, totally connected to each other. You were having sex with your best friend since the kindergarten and it was absolutely beautiful;

"It took an apocalypse to make me realize that I love you.";

"Well, I realized that I love you years ago but waiting was worth it. You are worth it, y/n, and I love you."

Nick was a very thoughtful boyfriend. He always made sure you were comfortable, you felt loved and appreciated;

He complimented you a lot and always searched for physical contact;

You both decided to keep your relationship secret to avoid embarrassment on the Abigail. After all, Madison was totally sure you were like brother and sister;

He used to sneak out in your room every night, to make love to you and fall asleep in your arms;

"Baby, for as much as I love hearing you moaning my name, just lower your voice or we will wake up everyone on this boat.";

He is a creative lover. He loves experimenting new things and always makes sure to remind you how much he likes you;

"I've never seen a body more beautiful and hot than yours, you drive me totally crazy, y/n.";

He's a tease and mostly a dom but seeing you take control turns him on like nothing else;

He loved watching you sleeping, he found you so peaceful. He spent hours caressing your hair and thinking about the fact that he finally had you, after years pretending that this was not the only thing he ever wanted;

He tended to get insicure sometimes;

"You're the best person I know, y/n. You're brilliant, smart, funny, absolutely beautiful, your heart is enormous and I'm quite convinced that no one can understand people like you do. You love deeply and you have a pure soul. And what about me? How can I be good enough for you? I'm an addict and I'm a mess, that's all.";

"Nick, you're so much more than how you think. I've seen you falling many times, crumbling down as if you were made of glass. This world was has been incredibly harsh to you, yet you always managed to find a way to fight back. You're smart, no one is as good as you are at problem solving. You're kind, you care about everyone, and you're my love, the only person I want by my side. You're more than good enough for me, you've always been.";

He was fragile with you, but also incredibly strong when you were feeling vulnerable. You completed each other;

You knew each other deeply since you had been friends for a lifetime. You were in perfect harmony and sometimes you felt like there was not a chance for you to immagine a life without him;

You were almost convinced that everything was going for the better untill you arrived at Thomas Abigail Ranch; your boyfriend started to act weird again and you found out that he was sharing Celia's crazy ideas. You tried to talk some sense into him with kindness, you knew him so deeply that you were more than well aware of the best way to talk to him;

"Nick, baby, I know you hate the idea of killing, but those... those thigs, are not alive. You are and I am, you can hear my heart beating and I can hear yours. Don't risk your life for silly ideas. I love you, I want you to be safe.";

The last thing he wanted was to hurt you so he started being more careful, but he just couldn't stop thinking that maybe Celia was all right;

His heart was broken when he decided to leave you and his family but he needed time and he knew that you would have been safer with Madison;

"I'm not going without you, Nick.";

"I'll find you, I will always find you. I love you, y/n, but I have to go.";

You spent the worst period of your life separated from Nick. The constant fear of never seeing him again or of finding out that he had been killed or worse, turned, hunted you for weeks.

Things kept getting worse: you, Madison and Alicia found yourselves alone;

When Travis fell from the helicopter he tried to hold on to something and he ripped off your necklace, you lost it too;

Nick heard voices about the fact that a body was found and the people bringing the news had found your necklace: he immediately recognised it and believed you were dead. He fell in a state of deep sadness, so dark that he simply stopped trying to go on. He started dragging himself from a day to another without a real aim, his only thought being you and the heavy regret of letting you;

He spent days crying, his bed being the only place he saw and your necklace squeezed in his hand;

He found a bit of peace in Luciana, his heart still too broke to love another person but his mind convincing himself that he had to go on;

When you finally found him, you were the happiest person alive. You didn't even doubted a moment: you ran in his arms, your face hiding in the crook of his neck and your arms squeezing him. He was shocked, he couldn't understand, but he softly held you back smelling your scent, as he was afraid to see you crumbling and slipping away from his fingers as sand;

"Y/n.. am I dreaming or are you really here?";

Tears were running down your face when you finally looked at him and kissed him;

"I'm here, Nick.";

But happiness couldn't last. As soon as you arrived at the ranch the brutal truth came out: Nick had a girlfriend. Your heart was broken, how could he have forgotten so soon. You refused to hear explanation.

"I feel so stupid, because I love and I've been tormenting myself since the moment your turned your back and walked away that day. I was not angry at you for leaving us, I know you since forever and I know you sometimes need your space, but making me believe that you loved me... Is forgetting about everything we had and simply starting dating someone else love? If it's so easy for you not only leaving me in a world which gives no guarantee to see someone again but also finding someone else to be with then I'm not sure you have ever loved me, Nick."

Your words were like a knife in his heart: precise, firm, clean. He couldn't even say anything. He loved you and the only reason why he tried to move on was because he thought you were dead, but he started to believe that maybe he had never been enough to be by your side. He let you go, your eyes filled with tears and your necklace almost pulsing in his pocket.

PART 2 HERE

[aks3raao1]

You know, there's a thing with characters that foil each other and serve as the "good" and "bad" respectively (Toga/Himiko, Tenko/Izuku, Nagito/Hajime, Ryoko/Hajime, Atsushi/Akutagawa) but that trope felt rather annoying to write, especially in the world I am trying to write about (ALTERNATIVE's world is basically MHA X BSD but like. 1000 times more fucked up and the Specialised are always prejudiced against. A terrible lot).

The title itself, ALTERNATIVE is to symbolise Romila's POV of "infinite choices and paths present for every being" and how she starts off the story with a decisive line of,

"Many people ask me if this could have been avoided. They beg for me to tell them that things could have been better. There are others too, who try to justify that this was the only way for things to have been. If you ask me, both are living in states of denial. One can't accept the stupidity of humanity for disregarding common sense for violence and prejudices. Another can't accept humanity's choice for having better circumstances if the one with the power chose to."

The thing is, the running theme is that the story is a bittersweet one, despite there not being many deaths of the main characters, but there was always a junction where you can see it could have been avoided, that there was an "alternative" for things to have gotten better, especially in the first book.

Another reason for the title is that it's basically an "ALTERNATIVE" to this world of ours, where super powers and stuff like those exist.

The subtitles of both the books (Myriad of Colours, Colour of Death) signifies Romila's power, "Aura Tracker" which lets her view people's aura as colours (Myriad of Colours is to signify the different kinds of people she meets, Colour of Death is about what affects her the most (death) and how she's constantly seeing that colour everywhere, especially now that it's war).

The thing about ALTERNATIVES is that Romila could have chosen to be a doormat (like Koldin tends to be at the beginning (his rp self is like THAT due to circumstances different to ALTERNATIVE's actual storyline. Also because Hack's a nicer person to be around than Romila is) in order to nOt hAvE cOnFliCt™) to not get into conflict and put up a super nice persona for people but she didn't. She decided to focus on hanging onto her reasons for doing what she does and using it to create a caustic personality to shield herself because she knows that she will regret being a doormat (Her Despair takes the form of Koldin Hopkins).

Now Koldin could have certainly put his hatred for society at the forefront and taken a caustic personality but instead chooses to be nice. Because he doesn't want to become as hurtful as the rest, that's how he wants to disentangle himself from society. However he, like Romila (who just took standing up for herself to extremes), takes this to the extremes causing him to gain the personality of a nice boy™.

However this also goes into why they made the choices they did (which is what Romila realises during the Mansion of Death arc), because for Romila, she didn't really have the psychology for actually becoming a doormat (because a) Her mom wouldn't have it b) She hated to be called weak c) She didn't have anyone to fall back to after the inevitable consequences of being a doormat d) She felt that if she were to live with monsters, then it's easier to blend in by being one (this comes useful to her when she infiltrates into the Government) e) She saw doormats getting suicidal which frightened her) or not becoming fully caustic (since her standing up for herself wasn't. Liked. By. Anyone. And seen as aggressive and she basically went, "Well if they see me as bad, I will show them BAD" which led to her breakdown causing the incidents at the Mansion Of Death (especially a twisted hatred against Koldin for extremely understandable reasons).

For Koldin, being meek and peaceful had let him get by in the streets and his skills to difuse fights had come in handy. Later when Dr. Hopkins took him in, he was well. A member of the Radicals who were known to be extremely merciless towards the Specialised (he had defected but Koldin had a REALLY good reason to be wary) so he figured if he stayed nice, he wouldn't be kicked out of the house and Dr. Hopkins being Dr. Hopkins just assumed that it was his normal and that behaviour carried into school. He figured that it was a horrifying thing to be aggressive and then saw how Romila got treated and decided that yep, he was right, that confirmed his world view alright and it was more reason to be super nice. While Romila saw Koldin as a person who everyone took advantage of (a thing she hated. To be exploited just like that) and went, yep that confirmed hers and it was more reason to be super angry.

However the thing is that, Romila was chided for being anything, which caused her to just give up to be peaceful (because what would she do? Anything she tried to do got her scolded) while Koldin (thankfully) found a support system. It really goes to show the difference a good friend can do.....

As it is, when I first began writing this, the most obvious choice presented itself to me. Koldin is the "hope" and Romila is the "despair" (on the protagonist, deutergonist side) but that seemed stupid and boring as it wouldn't make sense. Since I am trying to make a point of showing with how Romila's world view gradually changes from "there are wrong and right choices" to the fact that it doesn't have to be rigid and that *now* she wouldn't be hurt if she used what her vulnerable side wanted (a world free of prejudices and unnecessary cruelty) with the talents she had. That kindness mixed with her usual personality won't literally kill her.

And for Koldin, being a doormat means that he got taken advantage of a lot by different people and since he refused to actually stand up for himself ("Ah...aha......it seems that I can't..." "Can't what?" "Feel angry for myself......it's always anger that comes from the ones I love being hurt" "Then love yourself too, you will feel angry again" ~ Koldin's conversation with his inverted self in the Labyrinth) he got. Taken advantage of. By virtually everyone. However he decided that if being nice would keep him keep his self and his name self then it would be fine. He did not want to be the source of grief (his actual parents tossed him out because of his Specialisation). The Mansion Of Death actually causes him to snap for that reason, because Romila literally puts him in a torture dream "for the greater good" and then proceeds to kill his dear friend. One thing Koldin HATED. Killing friends. (Due to them being run over by a car, which led to his paralysed left arm)

Now on the other side, their respective friends:

Romila:

Luja: Cynical and annoyed by people's stupidity but not to caustic extents and she wants to be a scientist and isn't haunted by the possibility of dying.

Kratanos: Full of anger and hatred against the world but not entirely blinded by it and is focused to using that anger for reformation of the world (she becomes a therapist later, to help people)

They both have her caustic parts but they also let themselves embrace another side which makes them her "balance".

Koldin:

Anand: Believes that there's no requirement for violence unless it's absolutely necessary.

Karishma: Figures it's a better idea to just listen to rules but doesn't hesitate to break them if she sees that they are bs

They both have his peacefulness, but don't hesitate to do what they think they should do, which makes them his "balance".

The point is that, the case of choosing alternatives isn't possible with a tunnel vision. Even so, there are choices that literally can't be made due to the individual and circumstances. Sometimes the choice is to choose more than one choice. Well, that's one dramatic storyline......

It reminds me of DDLC side stories since everyone has a bit of the other person's solutions and more of a opposite personality (don't take this the wrong way, there are many stories like that and it's honestly a favourite to think abt but it's just that DDLC does it well especially since it's only a school environment). Tbh, I like dramatic storylines that rlly dig deep into a character's perspective (reasons why I'm in love with Hack and Axel in particular). My whole thing is that I'd rather read a story with interesting and in depth characters than one where only the plot is good so I say you made the great call of the century with Koldin and Romila's characters.

What you thought before getting into it is rlly how every great character arc starts. You focus on one, somewhat forget the other one until you review every single character for inspiration and then BAM! PARALLELS! It's really admirable how, even in this messed up world of specializations, you didn't purely focus on the plot bc it honestly sounds interesting enough to just stick around for Romila's life and journey. You could have ended it all with just that, but no, you smacked Koldin in there and said "be my interesting on par character that can kick Romila's gut" and IT WORKED SPECTACULARLY!!!

I really love ur writing and hoping to one day read (and maybe print out) every story you've ever written bc GODDAMNIT I NEED THE FEELING OF THOSE WORDS ON WORN PAPER WITH AN ARTISTIC COVER AND AN AMAZINGLY HEAVY WEIGHT

Aka, paperback. Bc that's how I like to roll and that's how good I think it is. 1000% worthy of a bestseller

[sailors-fightinginthedancehall]

Season 4, Episode 18!

So does Mace genuinely have super strength in the Framework? Or is it injections?

Yes Coulson, it was. It shattered me.

Yes, I do buy that!

I'm sorry, they're called the Squidmobile? Like I know HYDRA looks like a squid but the Squidmobile? Seriously?

OH GOD THAT LOGO CHANGE GETS ME EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME IT'S SO FUCKING CREEPY

Really? SO THEN WHY ARE YOU BEATING UP DAISY?

... Fitz looks nice. But no. Because he's being all evil. But however he does look nice in a suit.

A carrot and a stick! I understand that reference! It's from Agent Carter! ... But also I think it's horses.

Please. Find a way to get back Fitz. Because then you'll realise it's not real.

Because you make it a threat!

Do you?

DON'T TAKE THOSE RISKS

Oh god May :(((((

It's all new to me too! Seeing Ward with SHIELD is not something I'm very comfortable with. Or a world ruled by HYDRA. Or the fucking logo.

Probably because he's dead.

No. No you very much did not.

Coulson like "I did what - 😃"

Is it Deathlok?

Oh. It's Mace's yoke. That's not very good.

It is extremely cheesy.

Yeah, sometimes that happens!

Fair enough Ward. Fair enough.

We're besties <3

Yeah because you're the Director of SHIELD. Not exactly bestos.

He's from Brooklyn? Me, an asshole: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS FROM BROOKLYN? STEVEN GRANT ROGERS AND JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!

Well you're going to have to be convinced otherwise. For all our sakes.

I believe Simmons probably has PTSD. But this isn't a result of it.

No. You're just saying that to get him away. Because you don't want him to hear you.

Wait he can hear you? That's not funny but it kinda is like "NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID -"

Oh don't offer her with LINCOLN! THAT'S A DICK MOVE!

You say it Daisy. You tell her.

She gets Fitz. I think she really likes Fitz, based on the making out they do which is absolutely disgusting to watch.

Oh it's the same old Mack :) Except it's not.

Seeing Mack with his daughter is nearly going to make me cry. NEARLY. I'M NOT CRYING AT THE THOUGHT OF MACK HAVING THE FAMILY HE LOST NO I'M NOT -

What is that accent? It sounds kinda weird.

A robot, actually! Unless it's Simmons (which, as much as I'd like to hope, probably isn't), then a robot!

... Wait. Your old man? FITZ'S FATHER IS ALIVE?!

Coulson did you say the catchphrase wrong? Are they onto you Coulson?

Radcliffe, you brought this upon yourself, as much as I hate to see the emotional breakdown, you did bring it upon yourself.

Yes, utter joy that the woman you love is dead! :)

It seems to, yes.

WAIT WAS AGNES PREGNANT OR IS THAT AN EXAMPLE? BECAUSE MY GOD IF SHE WAS PREGNANT THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE SAD THAN IT ALREADY IS.

Woop woop! Now we just got to do it.

Oh wait so that means the accent is Scottish! My god my aunty doesn't speak like that, that's a very strong accent

Oh are we guilt-tripping Fitz based on his mother now?! GODDAMMIT I FUCKING HATE THIS MAN

WOMANLY SENTIMENT - OH OBVIOUSLY HE'S A FUCKING SEXIST TOO

Hydra. Is. Not. Protecting. The. Human. Race.

NO, FITZ, YOU DON'T LOVE HER. DON'T YOU DARE TAKE AWAY MY FLUFFY FITZSIMMONS

You'd be the pure and fluffy Fitz that I love to see and brightens my face every time he's on screen. I wish you were.

🎶They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no because it was fucking torture and they locked me in a cage🎶

TRIPLETT? OH GOD TRIPLETT I'M SAD NOW I MISS YOU TRIPLETT

HYDRA doesn't give a shit about MLK? Or Holocaust? That is NOT history!

The way they're so adorable together. Is it also breaking your heart that HOPE DOESN'T EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD BUT YET MACK IS SO HAPPY -

A lot of things.

A lot of people.

A lot of people.

No you're fucking not. You might be, but Ward is not.

It's real for you Ward, but it's not for me.

YES HE WAS! HOWLIES TECH!

It is truly not very nice.

Coulson can you defend yourself well enough?

He's thinking he watched that kid be taken away from his class and that he feels really bad about it.

Except not having a daughter. Hope is dead in the real world. Makes me sad.

Oh Jesus Christ I'm not sure you will Melinda May is a force to be reckoned with and now she's got super-strength I'm genuinely scared for the outcome of this fight

OH NO NOT FUCKING BRAINWASHING! BRAINWASHING INSIDE BRAINWASHING?!

You said it, Triplett. You said it.

And now I'm going to watch the rest of the episode on my phone as I have been kicked out of the sitting room

[just-my-type-x]

Love Again - Part 2

Here's something to get you in the mood, hope you like it

I erased a tear with my shirt and i looked up when i felt a presence near me. It was the first time when i really didn't want to see Brad. Even after he cheated on me, i still wished to bump into him and clear the air at a coffee or something, but now he was standing next to me, with puffy red eyes, erasing a tear with his index finger.

"Please don't" i said as my voice cracked again and i could feel my eyes burning, announcing tears forming again

"Don't tell me <don't >, not now", he said as he kneeled in front of me, but i moved my body a few inches back on thr pavement. Brad didn't give up and came closer to me again, resting his palms on my knees. I looked up at him and saw his beautiful eyes analysing every muscle of my face, his pupils becoming bigger.

I tried to look away, but he turned my head back to him, his index finger and thumb holding my chin. Brad came closer to my face and rested his forehead on mine. I gave in and relaxed, finally being with the most important person in my life.

"I dated her", he started and i frowned, moving my head from his, so i could look at him while talking. "You know, the girl i.. Never mind. And, uhm, i regret it so much. She was so different from you. I thought i was going to like it, because, as stupid as it sounds, that's what made me do it. She was nothing like you and yet i gave up on you for her"

Brad was rambling about the girl as he sat down in front of me. I crossed my arms, the wind sending shivers down my spine. Brad was resting his arms on his knees, entangling his fingers together.

"Are you trying to make things right? Because it doesn't work" i laughed slightly and earned a small smile from him

"I'm trying to tell you how stupid i was, let me finish"

I raised my hands up in defending mode and waited for him to continue.

"We broke up and i thought that will be the end of us and i will start a new love life, that it wouldn't matter. You know how i had that lockscreen of us and Jesse in the mountains?"

I nodded while he took his phone from his pocket. "I still have it"

I took his phone and almost started crying, seeing that picture. It was one of the most beautiful gateways we had as a couple and it was also the day he promised me that one day he will marry me, no matter the circumstances. I laughed at what he said, but believed him. After we broke up, that memory was the most heartbreaking piece of us that i carried with me in the past couple of years.

I looked back at him and he was crying. "I could never replace that photo. She told me to do that because we're no longer together, but i couldn't. That's just.. It just.. For fuck's sake, i promised to fucking marry you and i was an asshole. And every other adjective. I hate myself, y/n! I hate what i became back then! " Brad screamed and hit the pavement with his right fist.

I handed him the phone, looking to the ground. "Yet you broke up with her a few months ago, not 2 years ago when you realised what that photo was about". I got up and cleaned my black skirt of dust. Brad grabbed my wrist and i turned to look at him. He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him, out waists touching each other and our foreheads as well. I was aching in that position. It was so intimate, while Brad and I were total opposites.

"Brad, please.. Don't do this", i breathed while moving my head, resting it on his chest. I put my arms around his torso and he hugged me tightly.

"Why? I want to make things right. Please let me..", he was looking intensely into my eyes and i was melting each second. "I swear to you I'm gonna make everything right. I want you back like crazy. Everything I've wrote in the past was inspired by you. I had to record some songs thousands of time because i would breakdown on them", Brad cupped my face in his hands and i couldn't shake away the need of kissing him in that exact moment. Especially because it was ny weakness and he also knew that.

"Brad..", i breathed again but i gave in and kissed him. I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him into my body even more than possible. He put his hands on my back, pressing ny body onto his, feeling every inch of him. He licked my bottom lip, asking for entrence. I let him, feeling his warm tongue on mine. He deepened the kiss and i entangled my fingers in his soft and curly hair, earning a soft moan from him. I giggled, but he went with one hand to my butt and squeezed it lightly, making me moan as well.

I stepped back, arranging my skirt and my shirt while Brad arranged his hair.

"I missed this", he said, wanting to hold ny hand, but i avoided his.

"Bradley, this doesn't solve anything between us"

"Why are you mad?", he asks, knowing i only call him Bradley when I'm mad at him. "You kissed me, you grabbed my hair-"

"The mood was right", i cut him off and he scoffed

"I was trying to make things between us work"

"They won't work that fast, Brad"

"I'm well aware, thank you", he sarcastically responded and rested his hands on his hips

"Well if you are that aware, do you make things right like that with all your female friends?", he rolled his eyes but i didn't stop. "Oh i understand now, you were making things work with that girl when you cheated on me. I get it now. What happened? You broke her nail and had to comfort her?", i said and crossed my arms at my chest. Brad rolled his eyes and tried to walk past me, but i stopped him.

"Why did you have to bring that up?", hurt, he throws his arms all over the place. "I'm struggling, ok? I've been struggling for months to just get to talk to you properly. I've been struggling to forget you, to move on, to stop loving you. I love you so goddamn much and i know i lost you forever but you can't blame me for trying."

"Brad, i-"

"Y/n, you don't understand what you've done to me, i know i messed it up, i was stupid and i thought that being famous is a good excuse for my behaviour. I've learned so much about myself and I've thought myself several lessons"

"Am i here for your feelings or my talent?", i asked irritated, remembering how i stormed out of the venue.

"Talent. Back there was a misunderstanding. I'm sorry about that and about Would You. I didn't know you would feel bad listening to that song." Brad scratched the back of his head.

"It was pretty rough at first. I got used to it", i smiled and pulled him into a hug. He lifted his head from mine and i looked up at him. His beautiful eyes scanned my face, begging for a shown emotion. I gave him a smile, biting my lip nervously.

"Don't.. You know the side effects of lip biting", he laughed and i joined

"I'm sorry, you make me nervous" i said and let him go. I stepped back two steps but he grabbed my waist and pulled me back into his warm body.

"Kiss me now, please", he breathed and put one hand on my cheek, to motion it towards his face. Brad's lips smashed on mine, the familiar taste and shape finally coming back. He bit my lip, while my hands were around his neck.

We stopped for air and as i was reaching for his lips, someone approached us.

"Well hello y/n!", he said excitingly, and both Brad and I looked to the side. I let go of Brad and i could feel his eyes following me carefully.

"Mike, oh my God! What are you doing here?", i jumped on him and hugged him

"I missed you and wanted to see you"

Should i make a part 3?

[honeyfieldsforever]

hello! sorry if this is bad i literally haven't wrote in forever 😆 and this is really unrealistic and unaccurate but that's why it's called fanfiction, eh? hope you enjoy!!

"what? you can send me back in time?" i asked to the old man in front of me in disbelief.

"correct." he nodded, leaning on his wooden cane.

"right, go on then, send me back to 1958." i said confidently, still not believing the man.

"as you wish..." his voice faded away as my vision went completely black, feeling as if my life flashed before my eyes.

*time skip lolol*

"is she even alive?" you hear quiet mumbles of a young liverpudlian boy.

"course she is, don't be stupid lennon." another boy says in a strong scouse accent.

"well we can't just leave her here, she'll freeze to death!" it sounded as if you were surrounded by a group of the boys.

you feel someone's arms wrap around you, lifting you up and carrying you bridal style to god knows where. your mind was still hazy at this point and you struggled to keep your eyes open, so you didn't resist being carried.

"your parents better not be home, what will they do if you just carry an unconscious girl into the house?" one of the boys trailing behind exclaims.

"they're not, they've went out for the day." the one with the scouse accent who was presumably carrying you responds.

eventually you were brought into a house and laid gently down onto a bed.

"she's awfully cold, go make her a cuppa macca."

by now you were slowly gaining more consciousness and able to peel open your eyes.

"she's alive!!" one of them shouts and throws their arms in the air as if it was a celebration.

"oh shut up, lennon."

"what's happening?" i mumble, rubbing my eyes and slowly sitting up.

"oh hello love, you were lying in an alleyway completely knocked out and you looked as if you were going to die of hypothermia!" the scouser says with a toothy smile. the other boys in the room were all wearing leather jackets with slightly elvis-style hair. my eyebrows furrowed as i tried to comprehend where i was and who i was with.

"here, take this for now. i'm george, george harrison." george takes off his jacket and wraps it around me as i stare at him in disbelief.

he can't possibly be george harrison? he's so.. young. i have to be dreaming.

"and i'm john lennon!" john exclaims and makes a funny face, causing me to giggle.

"oh she's awake! here's your cuppa love." another boy walks in with a cup of hot tea and winks.

"i'm paul and that's pete." paul waves and points to who i presume is pete standing in the corner.

my smile fades as i subtly pinch myself and realise that i'm actually in a room with the fucking beatles before they were famous.

"wow, this is lovely, but.. what year is it?" i say, sort of clueless.

"oh dear, have you hit your head?" paul asked worriedly and presses his hand to my head, checking my temperature or whatever.

"its the 3rd of october 1958." george says with concern in his eyes.

"oh, yes. right. i just forgot. silly me." i say on the verge of a breakdown.

"ah, right. so what were you doing unconscious lying in an alley next to the club we were playing in?" john says, sort of laughing it off.

"erm, i really don't know actually. ill probably remember later." i say, smiling through the pain. the boys shrug their shoulders.

"well, we've never seen you about before. where do you stay about?" george says. after this question im silent. i don't know how to respond, everything just seems so overwhelming.

"do you want me to take you out for a walk or something and we can talk?" george says, placing his hand over mine and i just nod quietly.

"right, we'll be back in a while." george and i get up and walk out the door.

i wrap george's leather jacket tighter around myself as the cold air hits us.

"so, what's happened, you ran away or something?" george asks with his hands in his pockets as we start walking. in response to this question i just broke down, tears started streaming down my face. i opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"oh darling, what's the matter?" he says softly and wraps one of his arms around me, using his other hand to wipe away my tears.

"you won't believe me." i cry, my breath uneven.

"it doesn't matter, you can tell me." he smiles sympathetically.

"im from the future." i state, causing him to stop in his tracks and just stare at me in disbelief.

"i told you you wouldn't believe me." i chuckle, sniffling.

"no no, i believe you, i just..." george trails off, still in disbelief.

i shrug my shoulders and continue walking, leaving george to comprehend what i just confessed. i hear footsteps running towards me and george stands in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

before i knew it he cups my cheek and presses a soft kiss to my lips. as i pulled away i looked into his eyes, a combination of love and sadness. i smiled slightly and pulled him in for another kiss, this time longer and more passionate.

"look, we'll sort something out, we can try get you back to the future, or me and the lads are going to hamburg soon, you can come with us! in the meantime you can stay with me!" he says excitedly, still holding my face.

"id love that. just give me time to think and we'll take things one day at a time, yeah?" i smile as he pulls me in for yet another kiss.

[that-bajan-kid]

Boku No Hero Academia Chapter 276 SPOILERS

(So apparently the chapter came out on Thursday instead of Friday like it usually does. Am I the only one who didn't know this? Was it announced somewhere and my dumbass just missed it?)

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The reporters have made their grand entrance and are recording everything from the safety of their helicopter.

OH NO ALL MIGHT IS WATCHING WITH ERI AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

(Edit: It would be kinda funny if that's how the former Symbol of Peace went down. Not from villains, but from a shitty heart. Tho considering what his two sons are doing right now he might actually have one.)

There's that really bad feeling again. Mitsuki looking through what appears to be Katsuki's baby pictures doesn't help either.

Endeavour isn't dead. That's good, he still needs to be confronted by Dabi.

Shigaraki tells Giganto to kill anyone in sight.

Endeavour's mummy sidekick's name is Kido and his quirk is called Trajectory. He can change the trajectory of any object. Honestly it's a perfect match for Enji's quirk. Kido can redirect his flames. It looks like he has to use his bandages to do it tho.

Anyway, Kido changes Enji's trajectory as he flys by.

So apparently Aizawa did in fact hurt his ankle when that Noumu grabbed him. Manual is using his quirk to keep Aizawa's eyes moisturized so they don't get irritated. He can't afford to blink with Enji and Ryūkyū fighting Shigaraki rn.

HE DID THAT JUMP WITHOUT USING A QUIRK????? AND WHY THE FUCK IS MIC STILL HOLDING HIM????????!?!?!??

So what Ujiko is saying is that Tomura is constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown because of his physical upgrades? That can either be a good or bad thing depending on how that goes.

Aizawa sees his Erasure not having any effect on Tomura's strength and immediately gets flashbacks to that Noumu from USJ. Tomura then goes Yeet with Enji's body and he goes crashing into the ground. I think Ryūkyū might have gone down with him but I'm not sure.

We're back with Deku and Kacchan. Gran Torino plops them down on the ground and tells them to stay put. Bakugou says Gran should've dropped them closer and Midoriya takes this opportunity to introduce the two of them. Izuku complains that Aizawa-sensei is down there and Torino is like "Of course he is. How else are we supposed to block off Shigaraki's quirk?"

I thought Midoriya was the one who got him away from people. And idk about that showing results part.

I feel like GT shouldn't have dropped them so close to the tree line since I'm 98% sure that's where Giganto and friends are gonna come from, and Giganto has orders to kill anyone he comes into contact with. Hopefully he doesn't come into contact with any of the students.

GT is the only one out here with brain cells I swear. "ArE yOu sAyInG wE ShOuLd HiDe?!?" YES DUMBASS THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE'S SAYING AND YOUR ASSES BETTER DO IT. Istg these kids have a death wish or something.

I wouldn't be so over confident. That's how people die. I feel like it's gonna start going the heroes way when the backup arrives only for everything to go to shit again once Giganto shows up.

SEE I TOLD YOU NOT TO BE OVER CONFIDENT! WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY EVEN COME FROM?!?! DIDN'T SHIGGY DESTROY THE ENTIRE LAB?!?!?!? AND IS THAT ONE NOUMU A DOG????

Shigaraki just does not give a fuck anymore and I am here for it. Shiggy explains that he tried to make it so the decay wouldn't spread to the Noumu capsules but it only worked for some of them. Poor Ryūkyū. Having to take the impact from the fall. She's probably squished rn.

Ujiko explains that the High-ends were woken up by Shiggy's radio waves but that these ones can't think for themself yet because of how green they are, but they still possess the same amount of strength as a regular high-end and will follow Shiggy's orders to the letter.

Ujiko says to call them "Neeeeeeearly High-ends" so I'm gonna shorten that to NHE.

Apparently two NHE are heading for Aizawa and Gran tells the boys to hide as he speeds off to intercept. Horikoshi. Do not test me boy.

Midoriya looks very conflicted about whether or not he should actually go hide since Aizawa is obviously in danger, but I think Aizawa would agree wholeheartedly with Gran's order.

(Edit: Izuku and Katsuki said "Fuck that shit")

Shiggy says they should consider seeing things from his point of view.

DAMN FUCKING RIGHT YOU DO. STAB THAT BITCH TILL HE STOPS BREATHING. NO ONE WILL FAULT YOU FOR IT.

HE'S THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THEM!!! EVEN SHINSOU IS THERE IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT!!

I SWEAR IF THAT LIGHTNING IS FROM IZUKU-

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDHEUHRIRBEIRHEJHEIDHEIRHEIHEIEJFJWJDBEIFBDYESTHEBOYSAREHERETOSAVETHEIRDADKDJDJDJDJDJDJDUDNDUDJDJSUDNDJEJDJWJDUWK!!!!!!!!

Gran Torino: If Shigaraki gets OFA we're screwed so go hide.

Izuku and Katsuki: How about we go save Aizawa-sensei instead.

My thing is tho, if they're in Aizawa's line of sight won't their quirks get erased too, or can he pick and choose who's quirk he erases?

I got so many feels from those last two panels. Aizawa is always saving them so of course they're gonna wanna return the favour.

I mean it's like Shouta said, he still needs to see them graduate so he can't die. But Shouta's face when they showed up is priceless. He got that "WHAT THE FUCK ARE MY DUMBASS CHILDREN DOING" face.

I just realised, OFA is probably gonna end up being outed to all the heroes present. That or Izuku is gonna have to explain to Aizawa, Manual, and Rock Lock why Shigaraki keeps referring to his quirk as OFA when he has it registered as "Super-power" I still can't get over how stupid that name is. I can't wait to see how this fight goes down.

Until next time.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

[damn-behzinga]

Toxic

Will's Friend Otis pt 2

Will Lenney Centric

part 1

summary- a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health

warnings- swearing, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, my terrible writing, toxic "fans"

Instagram ● @/willneisalpha

[A video of Will on the XO podcast from almost a year ago. He says, "Yeah my flat doesn't allow dog's." And then it shows a more recent clip of him saying, "So I got a dog recently."]

willneisalpha So we gonna brush over this? Also he got Otis really suddenly like no warning or hints? wtf

23 Comments

georgeisdaddy ikr I was sh00k for like 20000 hours

5d • 3 likes • Reply

alexisgaylolzor Does it matter though?

5d • 12 likes • Reply

● @/willsbigwilly

[A series of photos of Will and Otis posted only a few days after the original one. The photo is of Will holding Otis like a baby that was originally posted on his story. It's the same one except zoomed in on Otis' collar. The last photo has a massive circle round part of the tag.]

willsbigwilly does the collar say 'ESA' on it? that means emotional support animal? is Will alright?

Comments

jasmine I hope he's okay :( the idea of him needing an ESA makes me upset

3 hours • 21 likes • Reply

-

It had already been a tense day for Will, with his newest post causing an array of suspicion from his fans, he was on the verge of a panic attack.

He had debated whether to delete the post but that would raise more suspicion. He couldn't do that.

Otis had one hundred percent attention on his owner and, yet, Will didn't calm down.

Will also had several meetings today which meant he had to venture outside and face the busy streets. Despite all her best efforts, Gee couldn't stop Will from leaving the house. These meetings were important, Will could not miss them.

So, although she wasn't surprised that he had one, Gee was horrified to see pictures and videos of Will having a panic attack online.

Fans were already speculating that Will was hiding something, so this really made them worry. Gee noticed some 'fans' were becoming impatient and angry, demanding to know what was going on. Angry tweets and posts were flooding in to not only Will, but Gee and their entire friend group. Otis' "ESA" collar now caused more drama and confusion.

Will spiraled when he got home. Becoming quiet and ignoring everyone. He tried to stay of social media but his Twitter hadn't been this active since his last video blew up.

-

American Idiot @/losermajorwannabe

just saw @/willne having a panic attack????? what the fuck? not a big fan but jeez man leave it for your home 👀

[Video Attachment: The video is zoomed in on Will crying as some random person helps him alongside Otis. The person behind the camera is snickering meaning the camera shakes bit it's still clearly Will.]

replying to @/losermajorwannabe

Sub 2 WillNE @/memetimez

How about you stop being so fucking disrespectful and take down this post? If Will wanted to talk about it he would've? ???

replying to @/losermajorwannabe

Lucy Stans Dan @/lucylastname

He could've told us? Is that why he suddenly got Otis? Is that why he's been acting off? SO! MANY! QUESTIONS!

-

"Hey Will we still up for filming today?" Alex's chirpy voice beamed loudly as he walked into Will's bedroom with Otis bounding in behind him.

Will rolled over to look at Alex and felt an ice cold dread travel down his spine. "Sorry, mate, I'm just not feeling it today?" His voice came out in a questioning tone.

"Wanna talk about it?" Alex asked and Otis jumped on the bed and wondered over to Will to nudge him up.

Will sighed as Alex sat at the edge of his bed.

"I dunno why! I've tried getting up, made my bed, cleaned up shit that was left out everywhere, fed Otis. And- for some fucking reason- everything feels wrong and I'm so tired and the idea of staying locked in my room forever seems so appealing!" It was true. Will did everything as normal, even posted some photos on social media but, for whatever reason, Will felt wrong. Tears ran out of Will's eyes as he explained. "I have tried to do shit today, I promise!"

Alex quickly reached foreward and engulfed his friend in a hug.

Alex rested a hand on the back of Will's head pulled him into his neck. As if he was protecting him, maybe looking after him. "Is this about what happened the other day? Because I can assure you that was not your fault."

"It's not that- it's probably adding to it but it's mainly my stupid head and my stupid, shitty thoughts!" Will went to claw at his forehead.

Alex quickly grabbed Will's hand and pulled it down. "None of that mate, c'mon. You've been doing so well." He whispered as Otis licked Will's cheek.

Will sobbed out a "I'm sorry!" as Alex stroked through Will's knotty hair.

"No need to say sorry!" Alex muttered. "How about you have a shower and I'll make a plan on we'll get through this." Will nodded and Alex helped him up and walked him to the shower.

"Do you mind leaving the door unlocked?" Will shot Alex a look.

"What you gonna do?" Will chuckled. "Nonse on me?"

"Oh fuck off!" Alex groaned. "Just in case you need Otis or me or something!" Will suddenly tensed.

"I'm not a baby!" He growled.

Alex raised his hands in defence. "Never said you were, mate! It's just in case!"

Will felt his cheeks warm up and he glanced away, snatching the towel that hang from Alex's hands.

Alex waited until he heard the water start running before he looked at the tweets. Disgust flooded through him. How dare these people, these 'fans' that Will like this? He realised Will had two options at this point.

"You can either tell them or ignore it!" Alex said as Will thew on a hoodie.

"I can't tell them mate!" Will exclaimed. "They will freak out and I don't want that!"

"It's either that or they get pissed off that your keeping secrets." Gee leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed. "It doesn't have to be a big thing? Just a tweet or something?"

"They're gonna pity me." Will groaned head in hands. "How can I deal with that?"

"They're gonna support you no matter what." Alex sighed, squatting down and placing his hands on Will's knees.

"I'm so scared." Will whimpered, curling in on himself. Gee almost cried, he looked so small. She rested a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay to be scared." She whispered, scared to break or hurt him. "But you'll feel so much better once you tell them."

Will nodded and looked up at them. "I'll make a video." He mumbled, slowly unfolding himself. "Not now. When I feel a tad better."

"Of course." Alex smiled.

They sat in silence for a bit, the only noise being quiet sniffles coming from Will.

"I might," Will's voice was croaky as he spoke. "I might go stay with my parents for a bit? I dunno, might just get away for a bit."

Alex and Gee nodded.

"Of course, love." Alex smiled softly. "Whatever you need to get better."

"Can I have a few minutes please?" Will mumbled, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Of course. We'll be outside." Gee smiled and walked out the room alongside Alex.

Will let out a soft sigh and stood up, reaching for his phone. His shaking hands clicked on his mum's contact and put his phone to his ear.

"Hello dear, you alright?"

"Mum?" Will croaked out before the flood gates opened.

"Oh honey, what's up?"

"I want to come home!" Will cried.

"It's okay, honey, you're okay. Can you tell me why?"

"Everything is so hard! I want to get away!" Will's sobs were becoming more erratic. "I want to go home!"

"Breathe for a second, okay?"

"It's so hard."

"I know dear. Can you breathe in for four seconds? Hold for six. Out for eight. Can you do that?"

"Y- yes."

"You're doing brilliant, sweetheart.. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Alright, darling, how about you come home tomorrow? We'll have a nice day together? And you can go back to your flat whenever you want."

"Okay. I love you." Will said quietly.

"I love you too."

That night Gee helped Will pack, making him pack a week's worth of clothes alongside a pillow because "It's a little reminder of home!". Will also had a mini mental breakdown when he realised that he hadn't pre-filmed videos. 'Mini mental breakdown' was Will setting his equipment up whilst tears streamed down his face and repeated "I'm a fuck up, should've thought about this." over and over again. Gee had to tell Will that he had already made two videos and that she could put together bloopers for him. She then told him to get Otis' energy out to distract him. This meant Will would run around the flat with Otis and throwing toys for Otis to fetch. Gee finished packing for Will and then stared at his empty room. She wiped away her tears before they could fall. She was going to miss him, she couldn't imagine how his closer friends were feeling.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jesse

Jac: I think I've actually lost it fully now Jesse: ? Jac: You'd tell me, yeah Jesse: go on Jac: If I've been talking to imaginary people for the last two years, I'll be fuming at you Jesse: you've barely said owt for the last 2 years Jac: yeah, and that's served me so well today, Jesus Jac: Savannah Moore is here Jesse: add her middle name in an' all Jesse: ain't sure who you mean Jac: This is why I don't talk, twat Jesse: Sav's here and you feel what? Jac: More shocked than you are Jac: have you been checking her UCAS app or her socials, like? Jesse: you knew she might Jac: I stopped thinking maybes and what-ifs about her a long time ago Jesse: half an hour ago? Jac: Shut up Jac: you aren't helping here Jesse: I'm asking how it went Jesse: seeing her Jac: Inconveniently and mindfuckingly well Jesse: alright Jesse: start with the 1st bit Jac: Inconvenient? Jac: Well, it's inconvenient because she's still the most perfect person who's ever existed Jac: confirming that I was right every time I looked at a pretty girl and thought that she didn't compare to her Jesse: she's single now, I heard Jac: Therein lies the headfuck Jac: because one minute she's complimenting me, telling me she's missed me and everything else I could possibly wanna hear Jac: then the next she's talking about marrying Princes and having lots of perfect babies Jesse: with what word? Jesse: or words Jac: Perfect Jac: that's what she said Jac: that I was Jesse: not much of a headfuck then Jesse: she's being clear Jac: but it's not though, is it Jac: 'cos this is how she used to talk to me Jac: and we know what happened there Jesse: then either she's trying to tell you fuck all's changed Jesse: or she's testing the waters to see what could Jac: This is just Jac: unreal Jesse: what did you say back? Jac: I'm not prepared to read that back yet Jac: I was just trying not to overstep the mark and freak her out the whole time Jac: but obviously, some shit came out Jesse: shit that you wanted to come out or nah? Jac: that depends Jesse: on her Jac: Yeah Jesse: alright, what do you know about how her 2 years were? Jac: right Jac: she didn't like her school Jac: her sister did Jac: her dad is controlling as fuck, sounds like Jac: her mum had some kind of breakdown that was a long time coming and Sav didn't see her much and feels guilty about it all Jac: oh, and she had a boyfriend the whole time, obviously Jac: but he dumped her at the end of school Jesse: and she missed you Jac: yeah Jac: and that it weren't the same, with anyone else Jac: talking, being mates, like Jesse: that's loads Jesse: that's her letting you in Jac: She's a pretty open person Jac: I think Jac: I don't know Jac: not like us Jesse: you gave her nowt back then Jac: Not exactly Jac: I didn't spill my heart out there and then but I tried to be honest Jac: without being too much, you know Jesse: yeah Jac: Am I making a horrible mistake Jac: going back Jesse: not by talking to her Jesse: sounds like she needs it Jac: What do I need? Jesse: a drink Jesse: but not if you're seeing her again Jac: We're going shopping Jac: I had to get half an hour so I could scream into a pillow Jac: and message you, obvs Jesse: clothes? Jac: Potentially, but shit for my dorm, mainly Jesse: don't try anything on Jac: that's your advice, yeah? Jac: tah Jesse: 1st bit Jac: Don't hold out on me Jac: go on Jesse: slow it down Jesse: much as you can Jac: Alright Jesse: there's loads you don't know Jesse: she still might not know herself Jac: She definitely still projects straight Jac: whether she's thought about any other possibility privately, yeah, I don't know Jac: but then I might've said I fancied some Scottish lad accidentally so I can't say much Jesse: nice one, you prick Jac: I'll miss you too, dickhead Jac: she was going on about boys, I had to say SOMETHING Jesse: did you ever reckon she might be going on about boys to see what you'd say Jac: Pretty sure it was her ex she was chatting about, so unlikely Jac: and I couldn't drop in that I'd had fantasies about digging his eyes out with rusty spoons so Jac: it made sense at the time Jesse: last thing you said to her you were straight an' all Jesse: and you confirmed it 2 years on Jac: but I'm clearly painfully in love with her 😩 Jac: it's some bullshit that I've got to put that out there again to be shot down, again Jesse: she might need you to put it out there so she can do something Jesse: she might be reckoning she's going mad right now Jac: It'd be an effective way to get her off the course, but I don't know if I can handle the guilt of making her move to another shithole Jesse: it was her mum that tried to top herself, weren't it? Jesse: just realised Jac: What Jac: oh no Jac: you're 100%? Jesse: might not be Jesse: but I remember people talking about something Jesse: the time-line isn't off Jac: Shit Jac: well, I'm gonna need you to check because I had no idea Jac: she asked if I heard what happened with her mum but she obviously didn't go into specifics when I said nah Jac: what did I even say back, fucking hell Jesse: if it were her, she made a big scene about her 💔 on Facebook or somewhere beforehand Jesse: be easy to 🔍 Jac: How did I miss this Jac: I mean, I know how, I had to purge her from my life completely but Jac: that makes a lot of sense Jesse: you're fuming about the boyfriend and I get it Jesse: but who else had she got Jac: I'm not fuming at him Jac: like I wasn't actually fuming at Isabelle Jac: I know it's my own shit, but that didn't stop me holding it against them because it's easier Jesse: his existence, whatever Jesse: I'm saying everyone needs someone Jesse: it don't mean she doesn't want you Jac: that's the point, she's entitled to date whoever she likes, trust whoever she likes, and she should have that Jac: but when I wasn't enough that left me with no one Jac: and I was pissed at any lad who dated her for supposedly being half of me but still getting 1st place, and pissed at Isabelle for not being half of her but thinking it were the same in any way Jac: It was just Jac: I was angry all the time Jac: and she doesn't need that Jesse: she does if you're gonna do or be fuck all with her Jesse: she needs to know what it were like for you and you need to know what it's like for her Jac: I know Jac: but I don't know if I can open myself up to the possibility of that much hurt again Jesse: if you want me there, I'll be there Jesse: country not the convo Jac: I've been here all of ten seconds Jesse: give a shit Jesse: and bagpipes might be what this track needs, selfish prick Jac: 😂 Jesse: you ain't asked me my thoughts on how fit the Scottish are either Jesse: could be well in Jac: I've already covered that nicely without you, tah Jac: and fuck all people here are Scottish, it's mad Jesse: 👍 Jesse: do me better then Jac: Am I a compulsive liar or what? Jesse: bit strong Jac: I said I was more honest now Jac: and I did say some shit I meant to Jac: but why the fuck couldn't I just Jac: say it Jesse: you can't undo all that straight girl bollocks in a day Jesse: she don't even realise Jac: I just didn't wanna let her down when she said her kids needed best friends Jac: that's as mental as it sounds Jac: fucking hell Jesse: hang on Jesse: what Jac: not kids like current, she's not had a load Jac: when we were friends, the plan was, we go to uni together then we get jobs in the same field and then we have kids and live in the same place so they can be friends forever like us Jac: I am aware male friendships tend not to go that hard Jac: straight girl bollocks Jesse: I dunno what the fuck to say to that Jac: This is what I'm saying Jac: she'll just drop stuff like that Jesse: she wants to doing everything in her life with you forever, that's really gay Jac: only with 🤴🏾🤴🏾 in tow Jac: it'd 🤯 if I suggested we could take the spunk and run Jac: not part of the fairytales, is it Jesse: that's the point Jesse: she wants what she's been conditioned to want Jac: Maybe by year three we'll be sorted Jac: our head of department legit warned us that loads of people split up once they start #realizingthings on this course, like Jesse: right laugh Jac: 🧠 Jac: the laugh is me being able to help anyone's fucked head by the end of this, like Jesse: I dunno, you've helped me a bit Jac: if you write a song about this I'll expect a fucking fat check out of it Jesse: I can get my own straight boy whenever I want Jesse: you ain't special Jac: How dare you Jesse: 🖕😏 Jesse: 🤠 Jac: I should just Jac: never attend lectures and never leave this room Jesse: piss off Jesse: she'd come 👀 Jac: I can't be her maid of honour Jac: something's got to give, at some point Jesse: then don't Jesse: give her the options Jac: well easy in theory Jac: like LOVE ME OR LEAVE isn't an insane thing to throw at someone Jesse: like she hasn't thrown loads of mad shit at you Jac: If I could be more like her, I would Jac: 1000% she's not sat in her room freaking out right now Jac: she just does and says what she wants and moves on Jac: I do none of the above Jesse: how's that working out for her? Jesse: she sounds buzzing to me Jesse: not fucked up at all Jac: We're both insane Jesse: when you met her she was crying in a bathroom Jesse: just saying Jac: I remember, thank you very much Jac: I feel like I was a fucking predator Jac: like I knew she was vulnerable or some shit Jesse: don't start Jac: If I'd focused on being a better friend Jac: none of this would've happened Jac: just saying Jesse: you wanna be more honest, you said Jesse: how is suppressing how you feel and friendzoning yourself doing her any favours Jac: She said I always say the right things, when it matters Jac: it worked Jac: 'til it didn't Jesse: the right things for her Jesse: stop being a dickhead and say the right things for you Jac: but Jac: fuck me, you know Jesse: we all take the piss out of Jude but she's the happiest for doing it, deny it Jac: if you want me to do anything, saying I'll be like Jude is a bad tactic Jesse: it ain't about what I want Jac: yeah well Jac: reckon our time is up Jesse: bit rude Jac: I told you at the top you had half an hour Jesse: she's kept you waiting years Jesse: might make it forever if you're right about the best friend babies bollocks Jac: you wanna have a word with your own mixed messages Jac: first you want me to tell her everything, now you want me to stand her up Jesse: you fucking heard me say slow it down Jesse: that's not spilling owt in a changing room, Jackie Jesse: sort your head out Jac: Don't call me that Jac: and don't be pissy 'cos your advice has gone in about 20 different directions Jac: it's a confusing situation, I did not need you to mansplain that to me Jesse: shots fired, Jacqueline 🤠 Jesse: I ain't got the full story and neither have you Jesse: can't do nowt about that personally Jac: that's why I'm going to go see her now Jac: I'm touched, you're so upset about me leaving Jac: but I'll be back at Christmas Jesse: I ain't about to leg it from my emotions Jesse: I can say I'm upset Jac: No shit Jac: your bread and butter Jac: I'm gonna get paid for understanding other people's, not my own Jesse: I just Jesse: not again, you know Jac: I'm fine Jac: seriously Jesse: Dad ain't entered the chat Jesse: you can't fob me off with no fine Jac: this wasn't a 'meant to call the samaritans, called you by mistake' situation though Jac: I really am Jac: no real emergency here Jesse: alright, but if takes longer than 2 years to get a word out of you should this go tits up again, I'll be fuming Jac: you should say you enjoyed the peace and quiet Jesse: it was shit Jac: I know Jesse: I'm chuffed you get to have another crack at it but Jesse: trying to write some less angsty bollocks here Jac: I've got to see it through regardless Jac: we all know that Jac: she's here, we're on the same friggin' course, there's no ignoring it now Jesse: well yeah Jesse: just if you could gimme 😁 or 😍 for next summer, I'd have a hit Jac: if you can get your own straight boy, you can get your own 😁 or 😍 Jesse: you really need to have a word with yourself about this aversion you've got to inspiring me Jac: you'll be on the list of top users with me if you don't stop stealing people's angst and heartbreak for dollar Jesse: soz I don't have my own Jac: ugh Jac: go away now, bastard Jesse: 👍 Jesse: good talk Jac: was passable, anyway Jesse: have Jude rate it /10 Jac: she gets the room to herself Jac: she owes me rn, not you Jesse: what rating's she got Sav on? Jac: She's not dare do that in years Jesse: if she knew it'd be - figures Jac: again, using our sister's poor taste is nothing but affirming Jac: she doesn't like you, by the way Jesse: Jude? Jac: Ha, no Jac: Savannah Jesse: knew that Jac: Well it cheered me up a great deal Jesse: fancying both me and you would be a headfuck too far for her Jac: Don't be disgusting Jesse: it would Jesse: especially as she only likes lads if they're exactly right Jac: Boring, is what you mean Jesse: safe Jac: lacking personality Jesse: long as they make up for it in looks Jesse: so she can take a good 📸 Jac: ew Jac: not even Jac: they look like male versions of her, which is to say less refined and nowhere near as pretty Jesse: psychoanalyse that Jac: don't take a degree Jac: if they look like her, they look like her dad Jac: or her ma, whichever way she's feeling it Jac: then she can do it right and no one gets hurt Jesse: 🤢 Jac: 🤷 Jac: don't judge Jac: 'cos ours have only fucked you up in ways that make you decent enough at 🎶 that it's worth it Jesse: tah for giving 'em all the credit Jesse: nowt to do with me Jac: come off it Jac: you get enough general acclaim Jesse: sound more thrilled Jac: If you think I'm about to express an emotion for you Jesse: not that thick Jesse: finished school and everything me Jac: I was there Jac: believe it or not Jesse: 👻 Jac: 🙄 Jac: something like that Jesse: piss off and see your girlfriend then Jac: 👍