#so yeah here i am hello take this contribution to the fandom

[byslantedlight]

Hello OFMD Tumblr thingie, and all the amazing people who are out there, and especially the ones who've been making all the posts that have made me so happy over the last few months. 💖💖💖 First and most importantly, thank you, thank you, thank you, to anyone who sees this!

This is my first post to Tumblr (probably pretty obvious from my huge lack of Tumblr sophistication! And the length of this post...) If you don't count reblogging things that I wanted to be able to find again. I've braved up to comment thank you to people a couple of times, but that's been it so far. I must admit it all looks a bit scary from this side of the glass, even though I can also see how friendly people mostly are.

But OFMD fandom is big! And you've been here a long time! I loved Series 1 when I watched it, and knew I wanted to watch out for Series 2, but it wasn't until I re-watched it when the Series 2 trailer came out on BBC iPlayer that I fell veeeery in love with it! And by then you were already here, and there was a language and debates about things I'd barely even noticed, and it's mostly me staring with big eyes thinking wow, and sometimes huh? and... well, you know. Plus there's trying to work out Tumblr, which I definitely haven't actually managed to do yet, and possibly never will, so... I decided to just jump in and post summat. Even just rambling, which is a bit of a specialty of mine... I mean - what's the worst that can happen, right? 😬

So... how come now? Well, I can't make art or gorgeous screenshots or gifs. I do write, but I'm still hanging out to get the right voices in my keyboard... I know them when I hear them, but you've gotta get the right rhythm going, and I'm not quite there yet, I don't think. Although really, I should probably just sit down and try (and stop waiting for work to shut up and give me time - I should be a pirate and take it!)

Anyway (told you about the rambling...) what I'm mostly doing apart from rewatching the eps on a constant loop is reading the fic. I'm picking it according to kudos on AO3, and according to recs that I see on Tumblr, and it's occured to me that alot of the stories I'm loving must have been recced looong ago, and that newbies like me totally missed them, and so maybe I could do my own recs, even if they are of older stories, and someone might find them useful. You know, if I work out how anyone else might ever see my posts. 😁 And if people aren't put off by my probably age-revealing use of emojis. (But I am entirely age-appropriate for Ed and Stede, and if I had to look up what zaddy meant too, well, that just means I matched Rhys Darby's expression in the bts, right? 🤨)

So it's not much, but I'd like to contribute even just a tiny bit to OFMD fandom in return for everything it gives me, so... yeah. That's my plan. I'll start in a bit, but this post is probably already too long since it's just rambling. And kind of dull. I should probably have said tl:dr at the top, shouldn't I, but then maybe anyone who actually saw this wouldn't, so... See, I kind of live in hope. 😊

Okay. Tags next, right? ... ack ... why won't it let me create new tags instead of just using ones from the drop down...? Well, those will have to do for now... maybe someone who sees this will have mercy and tell me how? I'll just be over here being a slight failure at Tumblr... And if you've made it this far (how long is an acceptable post over here?! Not this long, I don't think...) - thank you hugely for just that, and may your dreams be OFMD and joyous!

[ugh-yoongi]

hello, friends 🫶🏻

just a psa/personal rant?? not really a rant but

i wanted to talk about a few things, and i think the cleanest and easiest segue is to say: i have left all of my writing networks. it is 100% nothing personal to any of them, i have enjoyed each and every one, but there are a few reasons why.

one, i am not active in any of the discord servers, so there was ✨anxiety✨ about not contributing and feeling obligated.

two (and this is the segue part): obviously these networks have a big reach, and i am feeling more and more anxious about exposing my work to the masses.

it’s a double-edged sword, because i write what i want and what makes me happy, but there is always a part of me that wants feedback and wants other people to see and enjoy it. but it has been tense here lately and the “please do not perceive me” feelings are REAL.

there is just… no nuance anymore. me posting “i don’t think it was a good decision for jungkook to go to qatar” turned into a bunch of anons calling me islamophobic and a bunch of other stuff. me saying it was a bad look for jimin to feature on a song by a r*pist turned into “you can’t have an opinion because you’re a rap line stan.”

i’m most certainly not perfect. i try to do the right thing. but tumblr has turned into a place where you will get bullied off the site if someone does not like you personally and decides you’re the internet’s villain of the day. you are put into situations you cannot win. if you defend yourself, you’re making excuses. if you don’t, you’re guilty and all those things people accused you of being are true.

it is literally this tweet:

this is not a fandom known for being welcoming of discourse, but we have to be able to give others grace. there has to be nuance. like, we are literally stanning bts, who have done and said and written problematic things. we should not excuse intentionally harmful behavior, but we need to be able to have conversations and believe, to a certain extent, that not everyone behaves in malicious ways.

we all fuck up and will continue to do so. i hope your mistakes are handled with grace and you are given the benefit of the doubt, and i hope you extend that grace when others inevitably make mistakes as well.

i am not involved in drama here. i am 31 years old and too old and tired. i just want to write and cry over seokjin and shitpost with my friends.

i’m sure this has all been said before, but: i was offline at the time everything went down with m (shout-out the fucking car accident i got in on my way to pick up my friends from the airport, why did this seemingly happen to everyone??) but they are someone i have interacted with both here and offline, and how all of that played out was fucked up, to say the least. others have explained it far more eloquently than me, but it bears repeating.

so while i love writing and i love sharing my work, there is a part of me that’s anxious every time i post. including this. i will continue to do so and hope that this site becomes warmer and more welcoming, because i see a lot of posts lamenting writers leaving or deactivating, and i just think: “well, yeah.”

enough has been said about interaction and the like/reblog ratio, which is definitely a huge part. it can be demoralizing to spend so much time and effort writing a fic that gets little interaction. but the environment is a big part, too, and i’m hopeful that can change.

(but also—protect your peace, whatever that means for you. unfollow that person. block that tag. you don’t have to engage with everything, especially if it raises your blood pressure. one of the few good things about the internet is that you’re largely able to curate your experience. don’t feel guilty about taking advantage of that.)

i will finish this by saying: i am always open to having conversations so long as they’re in good faith. it is not anyone’s place to police my behavior, but if i ever do or say something that is not cool, you are more than welcome to address it with me. i encourage you to do so. as flor once said: comfort can’t help me grow up.

love u all. pls be nice to one another. 🖤

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[ashthewaterghoul]

https://www.tumblr.com/ashthewaterghoul/767843967799885824/hello-there-i-stumbled-upon-your-phanter-cuddle?source=share

(Anon from this one again)

Ah, well... if you would like to hear it I suppose I can share. I apologize in advance for this.

(Also typed it up on my phone before going to work so I'll leave it with you so I don't forget. Feel free to share this or keep it to yourself. I'll leave you to decide what to do with it.)

So this is more in relation to anon's fic they gifted you, but like, I had the thought after reading that of yeah, Phantom knew what they had to do when they pushed Copia away like they did. And we see the effects that confrontation had on them both. But what if on Phantom's side the pain of it was so great that it's too much for them.

"What have I done? But this is what I was supposed to do. To keep him safe. But it hurts. It hurts and I want- no, it's done. That's it. He'll never... I'll never..."

And those spiraling thoughts and regret and guilt give way to Phantom gradually starting to wither away. They try to brush off concern from the other ghouls, but eventually there will be no hiding it. It was done the moment they pushed their Papa away. And maybe, distantly, Phantom thinks maybe Copia resents them for it, despite his final words when they last met.

And at this point, this begs the question. Does Copia actually ever find out about this? He hasn't really seen or heard from Phantom since that day. Maybe another ghoul (Aether maybe) takes a risk and tells Copia once it becomes clear what’s going on with Phantom (maybe leading to Copia trying to somehow seek out Phantom, any consequences disregarded because *it's Phantom*)? Or... does he not find out until it's too late?

I would consider writing this myself but idk because 1) Cold Walls was your gift from the fic anon and 2) I am admittedly a bit new to this fandom in general (picked up Prequelle a few months ago and that was that. I still need to look into some of the actual lore before next summer (Boston ritual!)). My only contribution thus far is a silly drawing lol

-a shy anon

We love silliness around here dw🫡

And I loveeee that idea. Unhappy endings are *chef’s kiss* but also could you imagine Phantom being so so terrified when Aether comes to get them and says about how there’s a way to see Copia? OOF💀

Fan writer anon, thoughts?👀

[blizzardsuplex]

You don't know what you've unleashed El <3 Sappiness in 100 words or less each under the cut!

In general: After being on the outside looking in with Tumblr for a long time, I finally joined somewhere around the midpoint this year. I was kind of active for a month before major events in both my family and long-standing hobbies made me disappear. The me from even a few months beforehand probably would have never come back…but I did, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. It’s just really fun to be on here, in a way I haven’t experienced for a while—so, if you're reading this, whether we actively talk or not? You’ve contributed to that. Thank you.

Drea @shes-a-voodoo-child: I knew you first as a brilliant writer, but little did I know that you were also a gracious member of fandom/Tumblr, even to someone like me who blundered into a cold call (thank you for not immediately blocking my empty blog, haha!) Nowadays, though, I know you first and foremost as someone I’m glad to call my friend—even if I must admit I still look up to you with stars in my eyes. I only wish I had more interesting things to talk about with you, because I really enjoy whenever we chat things like music or wrestling!

El @spaghettisaurusrex: Honestly, at first I thought you were too cool for me—you teach swordfighting, for God’s sake! But you’re also an incredibly chill, incredibly nice person, who I’m always glad to see in my notifs on Tumblr or Discord. And, of course, thank you so, so much for writing and talking the fairy tale AU with me; it was a fraught journey on my part, but it also turned out one of my fave pieces I’ve ever done. We should write together again next time!

Izzy @limbreaper: So much to say, so little (self-imposed) space to say it. I never thought I’d have a friend like you, honestly, especially considering everything’s that happened. Forever grateful that you’re in my life (if only for now), and I hope you have as much fun talking to me as I do talking to you—and if we drift apart one day, though hopefully later rather than sooner…I won’t forget your kindness sending that message to a stranger. It really did mean a lot. Hopefully there’ll be authentic PH food options where you are some day.

Jackie @tekkers: I’ve admired your GIFs/ZSJ content from even before I was active on tumblr (yeah, I was a tag delver), so to find out that the person running the blog is a really cool person on top of everything? Chef’s fucking kiss. Thank you for listening to me for a couple of hours that one time and offering to finagle with Highspots TV for me. Also, you have great taste in music! We should start swapping recs again (though I don’t know if I’ll ever give you something that I loved as much as Emotionalism!)

K @onlyposersfallinlove: We don’t talk as much as we might be able to, but I hope you know that I’m thinking of you and hoping for you always. Whether your goals be in the spheres of fandom or private life, you deserve to achieve them, because you have the right to be happy. May whenever you read this be wonderful—at least just that day.

Kerri @sublightsleeper: You’re a thief in the night, except you both bring the day when you pop up and also are not a thief in the slightest (unless you want to be, because thief classes are cool). Either way: you’re a very nice, creative person and talented writer, and I always smile when you take the time to say hello!

Pastel @zsjbrightensday: It takes a lot of bravery to post a creative work to any sort of public—and now you’ve done it twice, with even more on the way! I’m really, really glad that you feel safe enough to do so, and I am excited for whatever is next in your WIP list! Also, you’re just a very nice person and I always am happy to get asks from you.

Poke @theaerialassassin: I hope you liked your present! Joking self-aggrandizing aside, you are a great friend and a great person to exchange ideas with and be around. I hope that school and life treats you well, and that you know that, whenever or wherever doubts may creep in, you know you have people to turn to (including both those around you physically and the people in your phone, if you’re so inclined). You’re there for us, too, after all.

Rosa @rosabellebelieve: As I’ve told you recently, I’m so very glad you were active in the notes of Drea’s posts and were receptive to the virtual post-its I left on your desk, haha! You’re wonderful to talk to, and though I wish once more when DMing you that I had more interesting things to say because I just enjoy when we converse, I know that whenever we do it’s a great time. Thank you for being my friend!

Syb @fang-revives: How does your garden grow?—well, it’s almost winter, as you said. But I’m always glad to see your gardening pics cross my dash! I hope that the last of this year’s tomatoes were good, and that when the world wakes up in a few months for spring your plants will be the most verdant verdure this side of the US-Canadian border. Also KENTA is cool I guess (I kid; he definitely is. Have I sent you the KENTA/Marufuji hour long match my friend compressed to sub-8 MB?)

Vera @scissormedaddyass: On top of being super duper cool, you’re a very level-headed person and I deeply appreciate that. You’re also a great writer and just…so fun to talk to/participate in fandom with (let’s go sailing the internet’s seven seas, haha). Very glad I met you. I hope your walks remain pleasant and that the yar-harr fandom you’re a part of isn’t too sad about what happened. ;)

[perexcri]

to hell and back again now exists as a physical object!

(cat for size comparison )

hello hello!! i’m here for an official post to brag about @chubsonthemoon, a dear and lovely friend/hamster/beautiful fic writer and binder/Sandman zine contributor(!!!) who recently bound To Hell and Back Again as a present 💜

chubs is a dear irl friend and is (as i said in my final a/n for thaba) quite literally the only reason i ever started reading or writing fic in the first place. we’ve become good friends over the past couple of years, and i’ve loved being able to embrace these aspects of fandom that i never allowed myself to when i was younger (for many reasons, but that’s another story), and it’s really all thanks to them.

so without further ado, here are some pics of their lovely work!! they’re going to be making their own post about it later, so i’ll be reblogging that here and linking to it in this post as well, because they’ll have far more cool details to explain about the actual binding process than i could never articulate (they literally sent me a full video explaining so many things and i responded with something to the effect of “and the way you did that binding thing - i think you said it was German??” and “wOAh tHE edgEs”, so).

so, first of all: the covers!! @byierficrecs​ was very kind to make such a lovely graphic for this fic, and he was especially kind to let chubs use it for the actual cover!! i know most people in the fandom seem to already know about Angel and the lovely work he does, but if you haven’t checked out his work, please go give it some love~ (the original thaba graphic can be found here!!)

the spine, with chubs’ lovely little maker’s mark :D

(and if i rearranged my bookshelf just so i could put it between all of my R. F. Kuang books then that is my business alone)

and tHE EDGES?? i kind of blacked out after i opened the package today so i didn’t notice until about 10 minutes afterwards that they had continued the vines from the graphic onto the edges?? chubs i know i already screamed at you in private but now i get to do it on a public platform so please know i am still freaking out about this

art!! look at the lovely art!! thanks again to @starsarefire824​ and @itssstarry​ for your lovely work!! i love getting to stare at these pieces regardless, but now i get to hold them in an actual physical form and stare at them heheheh. posts to show them support and/or links to find their work can be found here (for @starsarefire824​) and here (for @itssstarry​)!!

and finally, here’s it opened to my favorite chapter!! just if anybody wants to see the typsetting :D

thanks again to everybody who contributed to this!! like, yeah, i wrote it, but @chubsonthemoon​ bound it, and @byierficrecs​ designed the cover, and @starsarefire824​ and @itssstarry​ contributed art? idk my brain’s being broken tonight over the fact that people can live in completely different places and all contribute to this thing that now takes up physical space on my bookshelf. i can’t really use my words right now, so here’s a poorly-made meme to express my thoughts instead:

and especially thanks to you, chubs!! again, you are a wonderful friend, and i’m glad we got to meet each other 💜 bonding over Chris Fleming videos and our shared connections (i’m thinking of cats and giraffes, ofc) has led to some wonderful memories. Louie says hello, btw!! she was sniffing your handiwork very intently heheheh :] 💜💜💜

anyways, i hope you guys enjoy the pics!! please send your love to all the wonderful people who made this possible~

(also!! i would encourage you guys to read chubs’ fanbinding commissions statement, just in case you have any questions, or reach out to them if you want to scream about their amazing work or have questions~)

chubs’ post can be found here!!

[mazanica]

Uhm hello I’ve been inspired by your Beneath Their Masks fanfic series (I was so obsessed with it that my nickname is one of the names you gave one of the characters and I doodled the characters maybe a bit too much💀) for around literal years. I know this is weird but I was wondering if ya either had any updates on it or if you gave anything to say about it?

Anyways thank you for spending the time to read this have a nice day/night

Hi hello! Sorry for not answering sooner, I'm back in school and working full time at the same time so I haven't had much time recently.

So when I look at BTM... I actually left the FNaF fandom after some things Scott said, though recently I've been thinking about FNaF again and missing it. As for BTM, I had intended to leave it abandoned as I 1) had intended to leave the FNaF fandom, and 2) as someone who's closer to 30 than to 20 I started feeling weird about writing teenage characters

Recently, I've come to the conclusion- so fucking what, every story that centers around a kid or teen was written by an adult. Maybe I'd tone down the abuse from being as extreme as it was, but ya know.

That being said, I don't intend to update BTM (or any of the other ones) as they are NOW- if I do anything with them, I'll rewrite them, and especially BTM I'd want to write in a different way, bc writing the same chapter 10 different ways was extremely mind numbing and exhausting for me, which is why even when I was active in the fandom it would take me months at a time to write. If I were to rewrite it, I'd definitely write it with a 3rd person omniscient where the pov character changes as needed, but in one story instead of 5.

My writing style has changed so much over the last ~5 years, and tbh my interest has heavily shifted over towards sci-fantasy rather than modern life, and of my old stories Phantom Watchers still has a grip on me. (That being said if/when I (re)write Phantom Watchers, the characters will be aged up from what they were in the original fic). Also I may or may not have a canon multiverse bc of Phantom Watchers but that's neither here nor there.

I do know someone on AO3 is actually writing their own version of BTM, if that might interest you!

For anyone curious, as it stands, the fics I'd be willing to rewrite are:

Phantom Watchers (probably the main one I wanna rewrite, especially now that I'm older and have a few years of worldbuilding under my belt) One Stormy Night on Lakeview Road (same as the last, but with a few major changes to the plot/characters) BTM (already discussed above) Division (but I would probably take them up into college instead of highschool, and change things up. For example I would probably make it where not EVERY one of the Toys is actually a Pazon, bc that would still contribute to the Pazon/Norman self-segregation, and I would probably change up Red a bit bc looking back it feels a little uhhh... yeah)

And for the one I will 100% leave abandoned is "Bunny Tech and Martial Hare" since I was writing that with a friend, of whom I am not friends with anymore, so sorry about that one <3

[nounpolycule]

Not to like. Get sappy about a dumb little rarepair but like. I’m gonna take a minute to be sappy about a dumb little rarepair.

In March I responded to an ask from a friend and included the tags:

[image description: Tumblr tags that read “#bonus reason: shipping riverrose makes you extra cool and I am in desperate need of more content #[In The Arms of The Angels playing] this ship averages about 2 fanfics posted to Ao3 per year but with your contribution we can change that”. End image description.]

And like. Yeah. If you look at June 2011 through the end of 2021, there were 23 works posted in the River Song/Rose Tyler tag on Ao3, with one of those being a fanart collection that hadn’t included (or been tagged as, to my knowledge) River/Rose until a few months ago. So yeah. An average of two-ish works per year.

It’s the end of December and there’s 47 works in the tag. That’s over double. And I am personally trying to push to post a few more things to get it to 50 because that sounds neat. It’s still a rarepair by most definitions (especially given how big the fandom is - Ao3 has over 11k works tagged as Ten/Rose), but that’s still like. Hello. One of these characters hasn’t been on the show in over 7 years and the other hasn’t been on the show in nearly 13 years (over 14 if you go by episodes where she's on screen for more than 2 minutes) - her actress came back as a different character and that was still 9 years ago. Wild increase.

The “The Doctor/River Song/Rose Tyler” also went from 10 works to 25. 60% of works in that tag were posted this year. And everyone who posted in that tag was soooooo right for it.

I just. Idk I have such intense and specific brainrot about this ship and I’m still struggling to articulate exactly why and here we are. This tag has existed for over a decade and half of it is from this year and nearly a fifth is from me and just yeah.

Anyway shout out to everyone who wrote riverrose. And to everyone who commented and kudosed and read (even without any comments or kudos) riverrose this year. A great big “mwah” to you all.

So. Do I maintain the goal of 100 fics in the River Song/Rose Tyler tag before May 2023? Yes. Do I think that’s in anyway realistic? Who gives a fuck. It’s gonna be fun to try to get there, if nothing else.

Also like on a more personal note I’ve posted like maybe 5 or 6 fics before this year? Like ever? Maybe 7? And that’s including middle school and that joke fic I posted like two years ago? And I posted 22 works this year? Over 22k words? And I wrote even more than that? Go me.

Tl;dr: I’m impressed with the amount of riverrose posted in 2022 and I intend to beat that number in 2023.

[aifastic]

Party Havoc

Hello, everyone! Sorry for the sudden income of fics but I’ve been delayed by life ;-; I'm proud to announce that I've been part of the wonderful At Ease, Soldier Zine! Everyone did an amazing job, the mods were delightful to work with and I'm really glad that I've been able to contribute. This was my piece!

I hope you enjoy it ♥ Fandom: Team Fortress 2 Rating: T Characters: Soldier, Demoman, Engineer, Scout, Pyro, Sniper, Heavy, Medic, Spy, (RED team basically), Merasmus

Summary: The team organizes Soldier’s surprise birthday party. However, as it’s usually the case with the RED team, nothing goes according to plan.

Party Havoc

"So, is everyone here? No more, no less?" Demo asked, counting heads for the nth time.

"We're all here, pardner," Engineer reassured him, stopping him before anyone could protest—or set something on fire.

"And Soldier's busy outside! I took care of that," Scout said with a smirk. I don't want to know, Engineer thought, for his own sake.

"Perfect!" Demoman clapped his hands, grinning. "Let's get into business, lads: it's Soldier's birthday next week."

"Next week?" Scout counted with his fingers. "Isn't that near to the Fourth of July?"

"Exactly! Janey and I always celebrate his birthday on the fourth. Tradition, y'know."

Everyone nodded; after all, everything Soldier-related is even more of a mystery than Spy. No more than Pyro, though.

"So, what do we have to do?" asked Heavy, frowning.

"Aye! I have a list." Demoman retrieved a torn piece of one of Engineer's blue schematics paper, all scribbled in white chalk.

"Hey!" Engineer protested.

"It was the longest sheet of paper I could find." Demoman shrugged. "So: We have to choose from this list! Who wants to do what?"

Everyone leaned in to check the list.

"I'll get the food," Sniper said.

"If you think you will make us eat roasted lizard or whatever—ugh—roadkill you find—"

"Christ, I was just gonna drive to Teufort to get meat from the butcher!" Sniper cut Spy off, offended.

"Whatever," Scout said. "I'm gonna be in charge of the decorations!"

"Hmmmphmmph!" Pyro elbowed him.

"What? No way! I'm an artist—" Pyro stared at him. "On second thought, we both could do it."

"Hmmmph!" Pyro celebrated, hands up.

"Heavy will take care of gift. I have many Mann Co. coupons to use."

"Alright, that leaves us with… Hm… En gineer will be cooking," Medic declared, and everyone nodded in unison. "And um… I can get the drinks!"

"Uh, I was going to do that," Demoman said nervously.

"Nuh-huh!" Medic tut-tutted. "You," he pointed at him, then to the hastily scribbled last item on the list, "are going to do this."

"Nah," Demo said. Everyone stared at him. "Come on! The man hates me. I hate him. Can't we just not—"

"To be honest? I agree." Scout looked at him. "Why did you add it to the list?"

"I guess…" Demo sighed. "He seems important to Soldier. Somehow.” He threw his arms up in exasperation. “Oh, alright." He gave in. "I’ll do it.”

"Well, I guess that's it. Uh." Engineer hesitated, but they really needed to know sooner or later. "Where's Soldier, anyway?"

"Uh," Scout looked to the ceiling in avoidance. "Did you know that raccoons like sour cream? Like, a lot?"

"What the hell," Sniper said.

-----

Scout cleaned up the last remains of the mess that Soldier left when he was bathed in sour cream and the raccoons chased him all around the base. "I shouldn't have to do this," he complained. "They asked me to distract him!"

"Mmph mmphmmmphmmph."

"Well, yeah, not exactly but… Done!" He cleaned his hands on his clothes. "Man, we can finally start with the decorations. We should do a big poster! With 'Happy Birthday' on it." He looked at Pyro, a bit subdued. "Uh, by any chance, do you know how to spell it?"

Pyro shook his head.

"Damn it!"

-----

"What do you mean, 'there's no meat'?"

"Sorry!" squeaked the Teufort butcher. "There was a flu that killed all our provider's animals; we can't sell the meat in those conditions!"

"Bloody hell." Sniper put his hat back on and exited the shop. "What am I gonna tell everyone—? Hey!" A little kid eating a sandwich had just bumped into him. "Watch it!" The kid blew a raspberry at him.

Wait a minute. What if…?

-----

"What d'ya mean there's no meat?" Engineer asked Sniper, scratching his head. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I went to several places and bought these." He pointed at the back of his camper, filled with boxes of bread, tomatoes, cheese and lettuce, among other ingredients. "Think the big guy can make do with all these?"

-----

To the relief of Engineer and Sniper, Heavy nodded. "Some ingredients missing, but Heavy can do this."

"Thank you, big fella," Engineer said. "We all know who's the best here at sandwich making."

"Thank you." Heavy said. Then he asked, somewhat sheepishly: "Can you help me with gift? I think I made mistake. Ordered too many?"

"Too many?"

"I thought you added coupons together for big discount. It seems it is one coupon, one item."

"Oh. Oh." Engineer said.

"Too many of what?" Sniper asked again.

------

Spy was busy figuring out a way to distract Soldier, as per his task. Soldier was already antsy with all the unexplained movement. "He's paranoid," Spy reasoned. "I could give him another reason to be." He grinned, donning his BLU Spy disguise.

-----

"Ach, I forgot I have been banned out of town!!" Medic yelled, driving Engineer's truck out of Teufort like a maniac, bottles of beer clinking against one another on the back as a mob chased him away.

-----

"For the last time, you bloody bastard!" Demoman yelled. "You are important to Soldier, so you will come!"

"MERASMUS SHALL NOT!" The wizard levitated, making things fly all around them. "SOLDIER IS NOTHING BUT A NUISANCE TO ME! HE SHALL NOT HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! EVER!" He abruptly stopped, catching himself. "Look what you made Merasmus do! My room is ruined. NOW BEGONE!"

-----

Demoman appeared at the base, falling over the cake Engineer was decorating.

"Bloody hell!" Demo cursed, smashing one fist on the icing-covered floor.

"I hope you have good news because I swear to God, I'm counting down to ten right now," Engineer said.

"I…" Demoman started cautiously.

"It was the third cake."

"... What happened to the others?"

Engineer deflated. "Pyro burned the first one while chasing Scout due to 'artistic differences,' and the second one was 'borrowed' by Medic in order to use it for self-defense against a Teufort man who was chasing him with a fork."

"Woah, that's… Do I want to know?"

Engineer sighed. "Hell no."

"Alright, so Merasmus isn't coming."

"Well, I guess it's better for us, anyway," Engineer said honestly. "It means less trouble."

"I guess so."

They sat on the kitchen floor, taking a breather.

"At least we still have five days left."

Engineer looked oddly at him. "Demo, it's July 4."

"Wait, what? How?!" He thought back of Merasmus. "That bloody wizard made me time travel, bloody hell!"

"Well, the thing is, you're gonna have to help me make another cake in record time."

Demo wiped a hand down his face.

-----

"What does it say there?"

"Don't mess with me! It clearly says 'Happy Birthday'!"

"I wish," Sniper said, squinting at the letters. "This is a 'b' instead of a 'd,' the 'p's look like 'f's…"

"Oh, shut up," Scout muttered, turning beet red. "I bet he doesn't even notice."

"Hmmph hmmph," Pyro told him in consolation.

"Sandviches ready," Heavy announced.

"Awesome. How's the cake going?"

"We're running out of icing!"

"Try to economize it—apply it only on key areas, not on the whole surface."

"Thanks a lot, Doc. What'd ya think we've been doing?!"

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't crushed the fourth cake—"

"It was an accident, I swear!"

"Guns are arriving."

"Guns?!"

Engineer sighed. "Heavy wanted to gift Soldier something practical. He bought one too many killstreak guns."

"Black Box. Practical. Effective."

"Loaded. Those weapons come loaded."

"Bah. We have ammunition all around the base. Nothing's gonna happen," Scout reasoned

"I hope so," Demo said. He went back to applying icing to the cake but he abruptly stopped. "Wait, where’s Spy?"

"Distracting—"

The wall of the main hall suddenly exploded, debris flying everywhere. When the smoke cleared they all saw a bunch of Black Boxes scattered on the floor, next to Soldier who was choking… was that BLU Spy?

"I finally got you, maggot! Your days of playing hide-and-seek are over!" Spy's disguise disappeared and revealed his true features. "Wait, what?"

A chunk of the ceiling fell onto the (fifth) cake.

"Surprise!" Scout yelled, waving at the poster that proudly announced… 'naffy dirdbay.'

"Yaayy," said everyone with different degrees of enthusiasm. Engineer was too broken to say anything, staring in despair at the place where the cake used to be.

Soldier threw Spy to the side. "You remembered my birthday!"

"How could we forget, Janey," Demo said, putting him in a headlock.

Spy coughed loudly a few meters away from the floor.

"You put a lot of effort in this and I couldn't be prouder of you! Every single one of you is an honor to America!"

"We're glad you liked it, mate."

"Hmmph hmmmph!"

"Uh, we had cake but—"

"Please don't say anything else about it," Engineer muttered.

They were all going to grab their sandwiches when a puff of green smoke filled the room.

"Oh god, now what?"

"MORTALS!"

"Merasmus!" Soldier grinned. "You came to celebrate!"

"Not at all! I came to RIGHT YOUR WRONGS!" Merasmus's voice echoed in everyone's ears. He took from between his robes a birth certificate. "This impostor's birthday is in MAY!"

"What?!"

"I WILL MAKE YOU SWALLOW YOUR WORDS, MERASMUS!"

"MAKE ME IF YOU CAN, SOLDIER! MAY DESPAIR RAIN UPON ALL OF YOU!"

"... Alright, fellas, what about we kick this son of a gun's behind?"

"Hell yeah." Everyone nodded and ran to get their supplies.

-----

"BEST! BIRTHDAY! EVER!" yelled Soldier as he spun around in a hurricane that Merasmus commanded, shooting rockets at him with one of his many new killstreak Black Boxes.

"Happy birthday, Soldier," everyone yelled back, grinning despite themselves.

[thatone-highlighter]

Hello!!! I am here to rant about something random to you!!! Since I want to rant and I figured you might at least slightly relate bc of how you’ve talked ab SU :]

Yknow that when we had that CAWM post and in part of it we talked about how these shows [AT and SU] are important to us? I was just thinking about like why AT specifically connected to me so much [and also how that extends to characters?] like, of course AT was very important to me when I was younger, but I’m just kinda wondering why AT is the thing that extremely stuck with me. There are thing I could argue built more of who I am today then AT [even tho AT did definitely contribute to who I am] Like The Lion King which got me interested in animation and art, and I probably never would have even watched stuff like amphibia without it getting me into animation! Maybe AT was just a right time right place type of thing, maybe my autism was just like “oh yeah that’s OUR thing forever now.” OH that’s another important part of it ! I’m like 99% sure my neurodivergency has contributed to AT becoming as important to me as it did, I call AT my special interest, which definitely has a ton of different definitions depending on the person but for me it’s like, my default, it’s the thing I’m most likely thinking about and the thing I see the world through if that makes sense?

And !!! How this relates to my favorite character/s in AT [for context even tho I’m p sure you know this: my all time fav is PB and Fern is also a top fav] I see myself a lot in my favorite characters, I’ve said that AT is a part of me, and that definitely extends to characters. You can see that easily in how I take characters names actually,,, a little side note, but I’ve considered using heart as a name before, which I feels hammers this point home even more since heart is ofc my wjh fave [tbh I still really want to use heart as a name but idk if it would be weird since their like an oc and not a tv character and I’m too nervous to ask Mal lmaoo] and also, I end up seeing these characters just, as me a lot, like in the same way that AT is such an important part of me that it feels like you couldn’t separate it from me, I also feel like my favorite characters in a way because their so important to me [ofc this type of connection varies between characters, I think I feel this most for PB] and I also definitely feel like the neurodivergency has contributed to this, and I think this happens to others too [I mean how many people named Marcy have you seen around the Amphibia fandom shgdhdhshs] autism is weird [extremely positive] and makes me identify with my silly little blorbos a lot.

Anyways, I wasn’t really going anywhere super specific with this, and I don’t really have like, a question for you to answer to in this or anything, I just wanted to talk about my experiences and thought you’d maybe like to hear about em???

I dont really know what it id about su that got me into it. I think it might have just been a perfect thing at the perfect time. I had the ability to watch it, the autism liked it, i was at an impressionable age. The stars perfectly aligned and then it consumed my entire life for the next 5-8 years and counting. Theres nothing specific about it no specific plotlines or characters that specifically connect to me in a specific way its just. Special to me, its comforting and nice.

I dont really like, consider anything my special interests? I dont really know what counts as one so i dont call anything it. But yeah, to me its just, i dont even know how to put into words what SU is to me. Its what i spent hours upon hours thinking about at school, whenever i had downtime, every week on the way to soccer training i would sing songs to myself to keep myself entertained, to this day every time i get bored and start singing to myself Love Like You is the first song i go to. Its so important to me its such an important part of so much of my life, i truely very much would not be the person i am today without it.

I have a weird relationship with names, if i could i probably wouldnt have a name, every name ive used feels good for a while and then eventually it just, stops. Even duck which is a name i Love and in years of using it online it has never stopped being one i like, the idea of making it my Actually Legal name just, isnt there. The relationship you seem to have with names where you take the names of your favourite characters is very interesting to me, its cool. In concept i get the idea of seeing yourself in a character and relating to them that way, but in practice i think i have too flimsy of a sense of self to really see myself in anyone else. I think it would be cool if you added Heart to your name arsenal. On the server a few people have asked why we have a Heart role if its empty, but me and Mal both agree that it we could never give it to anyone else, theres no way we could ever give the role to anyone who wasn’t you, it would feel too wrong its Your role.

Thank you for talking to me about all this, i love talking to you about each of our fav Cartoon Network shows,,,,,,

[luci-four]

I Want to Kiss You {Satan x reader/MC}

A/N: This stemmed from a daydream I had but I decided to take out my feel-good fluff on Satan because hes baby (*´˘`*)♡

Fandom: Obey Me!

Pairing: Satan x reader/MC

Satan never expected to be as close to MC as he ended up; They’re just human after all—not that he really had something against them, but why bother pushing yourself to get so close to another person in the first place? He’d seen it in dramas all of the time; Love one day, heartbreak the next—Satan never really understood what sort of feelings one could have to warrant something so exhausting when it could be spent doing other things, things that he’d enjoy doing instead. He didn’t stop to think about how vastly different it would feel to do these things with someone like MC.

Walks at night felt different when he felt the heat radiate from next to him, time spent at the library felt much more immersive, revisiting art he’s already seen at the museum looks brand new with another perspective—everything felt much more alluring when accompanied with MC’s presence.

Just as it did every day, every moment, so much so that he found himself starting to lose his grip on whatever feeling may be inside of him. Affection? Adoration? He did have a level of appreciation for the arts—all things beautiful caught Satan’s eye, so it shouldn’t have come as such a surprise that he had fallen victim to such a strange feeling within his chest each time they passed his mind. These feelings only seemed to grown no matter how hard he tried to keep them under wraps at the back of his mind; Each and every day brought him so much closer to his breaking point.

They sat next to one another in his bed, cozied up with an old film playing from a projection that he had begged MC to watch with him. It was foreign, black and white, something of true beauty that he couldn’t help but translate while analyzing each and every line for them until a heavy thud landed against his shoulder. Blue-green eyes scanned their sleeping form, gently guiding their head to a place he considered more comfortable—his chest. Heart racing and pulse struggling to keep up, he couldn’t swallow the lump in his throat as he strictly analyzed the torn piece of film that affected the movies picture in the bottom right-hand corner, no longer able to focus on the piece itself.

‘This is ridiculous,’ he thought to himself, ‘My body has no business reacting like this.’

He was right, so he thought, that it had no reason to feel like this—he had no reason to have these feelings for something he knew would be stupid to try and pursue; But he wanted to.

God, he wanted to.

If he could have held them tight enough their souls could have simply molded into one another, he would be completely okay with that; To hold them and relish in this feeling of electricity that shot through every inch of his body, the butterflies in his stomach each time he caught the slightest hint that they were around, the completely unbearable pressure in his chest that only seems to find its relief when his body is graced by even the slightest of touches from them—he would do anything and everything to bathe himself in such a blessing, but he couldn’t.

‘I want to kiss you.’

His gaze grew soft, a smile matching the tenderness grew on his lips, as he allowed his heart to whisper words into his mind rather than aloud.

‘I want to kiss you hard; I want to kiss you and kiss you again so desperately that you pull back and give me that genuine smile and adorable giggle that you do—I want to kiss you so desperately loving that you run your hands through my hair and you silently beg me not to stop with the light scratches you leave on the back of my neck. I want to kiss you, but...’

Satan reached for them, caressing their cheek ever so gently, stroking along their jaw softly to keep himself from going any farther.

‘But... I’m so afraid of having to give you back to the world because I’m so undeserving of you.’

His smile turned to a mask to hide the dejection that washed over him; Of course he was undeserving of them—they would always be something just outside of his reach as he was, quite literally, a demon born from wrath while they were nothing short of the sun. Icarus be damned—Satan had felt the pain of falling, the pain of the fire, but nothing, he thought, compared to the pain of being just out of his suns light.

They always brightened up the world with the smallest of things, it was almost blinding; The small things are what brought him to that breaking point months later, after all.

Sitting across the way from him in class, he always loved to watch the way their eyes would narrow at the words they tried to comprehend, or the bored look on their face as they attempted to keep themselves awake. Every so often, should he be so lucky, he would lock eyes with them as they peeked out at him from over their book; They would light up, crinkle at the corners, look so loving and childish as the book would move to reveal the corners of their lips curled up devilishly and their tongue poking from between them. It never failed to make him laugh as he attempted to keep those butterflies pushed down.

‘I want to kiss you.’

The stars in the planetarium never seem to match the levels of brightness in their eyes as they look around the room in awe. The different lights danced across their skin and each colour complimented every little detail his eyes could reach. Soft, beautiful, the dark was just such... an appealing, almost sinful, environment to appreciate them in. They’re so innocent, wide-eyed, and the way their jaw drops at the dumb little facts he spits at them makes it so he just cannot bring himself to look away. Every single time, he has to hold himself back before he grabs them and pulls them close.

‘I want to kiss you.’

Simply walking into the kitchen late in the morning after they’ve missed breakfast, half asleep, yawning and leaning over the counter with their face in their hands is enough to cause his heart to leap into his throat. The way they hold their head up, squishing their cheeks comically and pushing their lips into a “kissy-face” as they fall back asleep mid-sentence; He leans on the counter as well, simply admiring everything about MC with a careful smile on his lips as the breakfast he made them starts to get cold sitting between them. It feels calm, peaceful, like he can fall asleep too—if he wasn’t so focused on absorbing every little moment he got to spend with them. His eyes constantly fell on their lips.

‘I want to kiss you.’

He’s the Avatar of Wrath for a reason; Times have come and gone where he’s been on the verge of snapping-- it’s always unpleasant and the fear in MC’s eyes causes his heart to drop in an instant. Watching their frame shake, tears form in their eyes, and their bottom lip quiver is enough to make Satan feel as though he were nothing short than the scum beneath their shoes. Yet, the way they stand their ground as his voice raises, the bravery they show while telling him to calm down, the shock that fills his body as they throw their arms around him to both physically restrain and get their voice to reach his ears—he can’t help but bite his bottom lip and do his best to keep his own tears and emotions in check. Some times are worse than others, but at the end of the day, he finds himself laying lovingly within MC’s arms, his head on their chest, calming himself down with the sound of their heartbeat and matching his breathing to their own. The tender way they scratched at the back of his neck and dragged their nails up and down his back lulled him to sleep; Waking up to their quiet breathing, serene look on their face and him wrapped up in all of their warmth with their limbs entangled with one another, he felt so lucky that the sun had given him the time to warm up within their rays and greet him for the new day.

‘I want to kiss you.’

Satan had never been happier to meet so many different people in his life until he got an exclusive invite to a ball where he got the chance to bring MC along as well. Dressed up, soft lights, romantic atmosphere—he was excited to simply exist in such a setting with them let alone spend time with them in his arms. Mingling, subtly hand-feeding them from the banquet, people watching and making ridiculous stories up for each one who had passed by them—it was all such an enjoyable time he wished would never end. Sweeping them off of their feet on the dance floor, dancing and moving in ways to catch up to the slowly rising beat; His heartbeat raced much faster than the song did. They stumble, step on his feet, the two of them spin when the dance doesn’t call for it and start to make up their own ridiculous moves. He holds them close, hand on their lower back just lightly holding them against his own body, fingers intertwined with one another and held against his shoulder, their free arm taking the liberty to rest upon his other shoulder as their fingertips just lightly tease the side of his neck; The two of them exist solely in their own little world as the music seemingly disappears from Satan’s ears as he’s dumbstruck by the depth of their smile and the melody replaced by the much more angelic sound of their laughter.

‘I want to kiss you.’

Now he’s here once again, months of agony had passed, his bed a mess as they sit on the opposite side away from him, peeking over one of his books once again. The pages muffle their laughter, which he curses, but everything about them radiates pure happiness at the moment and he’d take that over anything. He pretends not to notice their foot slowly stretch out towards him, ready to kick his leg as they had several times previously only to retract it and feign pure innocence.

“Gotcha!”

Satan reached for their ankle quickly, only laughing at the mixture of squealing and giggles that passed by their lips. They wiggled their leg back and forth, their cries for freedom intermingling with their infectious laughter as he held his grip, moving forward to rest on his hands and knees.

“Freedom? You want freedom? Why, MC, freedom is impossible for the crimes you have committed,” he joked, slowly crawling forward, “Such punishable crimes you have staining your record, such a shame.”

“This is coming from who? A demon?”

“Now that,” he inched ever closer, “that is a low blow.”

They laughed once again, grabbing the pillow beside them and lightly tapping him with it until he stopped moving, giving them his best impression of shock.

“More crimes? Is that what you’re going to do now; Going to commit crimes?”

Satan joked, talking to them as though they were related to the kittens they had seen playing the night before. Such snarky responses passed those perfect lips, that Satan could no longer hold his shocked façade; He crawled closer, still.

“Crimes are punishable, MC. What shall I do with you? Imprisonment? The whip? Make you babysit Mammon for a day?”

“Well, now you just sound like Luci-”

“Don’t do that.”

Satan leveled his face with theirs, just inches apart. His eyes pierced theirs with his direct command-- they simply let out a flighty laugh that matched the mischievous shine in their eyes.

“Oh? Don’t do what?”

“You know what.”

“Do I? Can the judge read me the list of my offenses? What am I being charged for?”

The smirk returned to Satan’s lips, but only briefly; His eyes continued to wander down to their lips as his own parted. He attempted to come up with some sarcastic remark to retort with, only to find himself constantly licking his own lips in anticipation and simply stuttering over his words. Before MC could ask what was wrong—he most certainly didn’t want to hear the modest concern in their voice—he leaned in fully and finally captured their lips with his.

It started off rough, desperate, terrified of the impeding rejection; Until it turned slow, compassionate, and oh so... natural.

Satan moved closer, now on his knees with his back straightened out, his hands carefully cupping MC’s delicate face enough to feel the heat of their blush come off of them but not enough to do them harm; He pulled away only slightly before moving back in, time after time, for kiss after kiss.

His heart soared, his pulse had moved so quickly that he was afraid his heart would surely collapse from the work it was being put through. His mind raced with thoughts so quickly that they all turned to useless static, until he had finally grasped a few key points he couldn’t get rid of.

‘I want to kiss you,’ he thought.

‘I want to kiss you hard; I want to kiss you and kiss you again so desperately that you pull back and give me that genuine smile and adorable giggle that you do.’

Finally, he felt them pull back a bit—his heart sank—only to soar once more as he felt their lips pull into a smile against his. Their breath tickled at his skin, the space between them only growing warmer with each giggle they let out before he pulled them back in.

‘I want to kiss you so desperately loving that you run your hands through my hair and you silently beg me not to stop with the light scratched you leave on the back of my neck.’

Their arms wrapped around his neck, forcing him down closer to them while simultaneously pulling them up to him—they wanted to be against him, not that he minded, and let out soft gasps that ended with laughs between each kiss as his hands lightly swept down their body to press on their hips, pressing on them to hold himself up but silently let them know he didn’t want them to be anywhere but there, in that space, with him. Each kiss he gave was deeper than the last, each breath heavier, each little sound of endearment they gave him made it feel as though there were untouchable peaks to the mountains his heart had to climb.

Their nails raked the back of his neck softly, his sun being so merciful in their affection to leave burning marks across his skin to let him know he truly had been blessed in this moment.

‘I want to kiss you, but...’

He kissed them again and again, slowly melting against them each and every time as Icarus tends to do when flying far too close to the sun.

‘I know I’ll never want to stop.’

Satan could no longer feel his body. Sounds have been drowned out with the beating of his own heart in his ears. His skin burned and he knew it, but the sun had finally come into his reach and he would be damned if he wasted such a blessing.

‘So please, don’t make me.’

He slowly, painfully, pulled himself apart from them, face hovering only slightly above theirs, terrified to open his eyes. Forcing them open was a scary gesture, but the sight that graced them was nothing short of worth it—flushed cheeks, relaxed features, a look dripping in what he hoped was a similar feeling to his own.

“Please...” he started out with a whisper that fanned across their face, “Please look at me with eyes filled with nothing else but how I feel for you. Please tell me you feel this way, too—please show me.”

His forehead lightly landed against theirs, earning him a smile from MC—one that started small and shy, only to tug further than any previous smiles he was lucky to witness; Their lashes curved so eloquently, beautifully, opening slowly to reveal eyes that shined just like the sun he had been waiting for, filled to the brim with adorning admiration, affection, wonder and love.

‘Like Icarus, I am an utter fool to have committed such sin like falling in love with the sun,’ he thought to himself as a smile of his own grew to match theirs, ‘but unlike Icarus, I’m willing to fall over and over again if it means I get to return back to you.’

Satan took a deep breath, attempting to assure that his voice would come out calm and even, though his efforts were utterly futile as it came out shaky and as a hoarse whisper; He no longer had to worry about their answer, however, and for that he would be silently grateful.

“I want to kiss you.”

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 8

WC: 1533

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: domestic fluff, anxiety, alcohol consumption

🧠

Tuesday afternoon had you and Laszlo working in his office. He sat behind his desk grading quizzes while you worked to transcribe one of his notebooks. Tchaikovsky played quietly over the bluetooth speaker he had on the bookshelf. You had once mentioned that he was your favorite composer, so Laszlo had taken to playing his work frequently during office hours.

Pausing to take a sip of the now-room temperature tea he had brought you, you notice a low humming noise. Turning in the chair you watch your doctor. His eyebrows are scrunched in concentration. He wears the little round reading glasses that make him look old-fashioned and sophisticated. He shakes his head lightly before marking an answer wrong on the paper he holds. But what strikes you most of all, is that he is softly humming along to the music in his deep baritone. He’s actually quite good with his pitch.

“I’ve never heard you sing.”

He looks up at you from over the spectacles. “Pardon?”

“You should sing more often, you have a lovely voice.”

A deep crimson blush spreads on the apples of his cheeks. Laszlo was not one to be embarrassed easily, but sometimes the most inconsequential or mundane things like this would do the trick. He opens his mouth to no doubt give a witty and defensive response when someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” he states. He isn’t expecting anyone, but there is an essay coming soon so it wouldn’t surprise him if a student wants to get ahead on their planning. The heavy mahogany door clicks and swings open.

“Hello Laszlo. I thought it was about time that I made my way to visit you,” says a familiar feminine voice. Standing in the doorway is none other than Dr. Stratton.

Laszlo sat up and removed his glasses as she entered the office. In the busyness of the last few weeks he hadn’t made it a point to seek her out yet. “Dr. Stratton, hello. I must say it has been quite a long time.” He smiles at seeing her, eyes lighting up.

“Oh, Laszlo, there's no need for such formalities. I’m no stranger that you can’t call me by my name.” Karen waves her hand in a dismissive manner. She then turns in your direction with a smile. “And you my dear, I didn’t expect to see you here?”

“Ah, sorry Dr. Stratton, it must have slipped my mind last time - I’m a TA for uh- Dr. Kreizler.” You almost slip up and call him Laszlo, but catch your tongue at the last possible second. It doesn’t shock you that the two doctors know each other. They both worked in the same field and had lived in central Europe in overlapping times. You’re happy to see two people you think highly of reacquainted.

You miss the confused glance that Laszlo sports between yourself and Dr. Stratton. The two of you obviously knew each other, but how? Karen had been in Vienna for years. Why would she know who you were? How small a world was it that his previous romantic partner and current one knew each other? His curiosity gets the better of him. “Forgive me, but are you two acquainted?” he asks.

“Yeah, I had Dr. Stratton my freshman year for intro psych. I told you about it on my first day, don’t you remember?”

“She was a fantastic student, Laszlo. You would have loved having her in one of your classes. She always had such well thought out ideas to contribute.”

He at least has the decency to look sheepish when he admits that it must have slipped his mind. In truth he hadn’t paid you much attention the first day. He made the effort to learn your name and that was the extent to which he cared at the time.

Dr. Stratton pipes up again. “I only have a moment but I wanted to invite you for drinks later this week so we can catch up. I have some new ideas I’d love to share with you.”

“That sounds wonderful. Please let me know when you would like to and I would be delighted.” The prospect excites Laszlo. It really had been so long since he last spoke to Karen.

“Of course, I’ll see you then.” She nods to Laszlo and gives you a grin and a wave as she leaves. The door clicks behind her.

“Oh-hoo you’ve got a date Laz, should I be worried?” you tease.

He gives you a deadpan look before realizing you are joking. He gives a slight frown. “Karen and I are old friends and colleagues, nothing more.” And previous lovers, which he omits.

“Alright, loverboy,” you quip, turning back to the notebook and laptop.

He finds himself discomforted by your joke. Perhaps he should tell you about Karen… Nevertheless, he tramps down the feeling and gets back to work.

_

“So why was it that Laszlo couldn’t join us tonight? He was not very forthcoming in his message.” John asks as he sets down your drinks. The three of you were sat at a small corner booth at the tavern you frequented on Friday nights. The evening was young; only a few patrons were there playing pool and having a round.

“He’s out with another professor catching up. They haven’t seen each other in years.” You take a large swig of your lager, the hoppy flavor of the brew coating your tongue. “He almost didn’t go but I insisted that I would survive alone with you two,” you chuckle.

John looks at you over his own glass. “And did he say who he’s with?”

“Dr. Stratton from the psych department.”

“Oh. I see.” John shifts his gaze around, his features going awkward at the information. He makes brief eye contact with Sara before darting them away again. Sara purses her lips, her doe eyes giving nothing away. The tense pause stirs something within you.

“What?” John needles at your question, a slight downturn of his lips as if to say he wasn’t sure what you meant. Sara sips her drink and watches the encounter. “What are you not telling me?”

John scratches at his chin. Sara steps in this time. “It’s nothing, John is just up to usual worrisome self,” she tries to dismiss.

Her answer doesn’t satisfy you. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not exactly inclined to believe you.” Facing John, you continue. “You look like you’ve eaten something that tastes horrible, you’re hesitant to look me in the eye, and you rubbed your jaw when I asked. You’re a terrible liar, John,” you accuse. You aren’t upset, but his sudden inability to speak causes anxiety to bubble in your gut.

He huffs. “You’re beginning to sound just like him, you know.” He quirks a brow at you, annoyed. “Laszlo and Karen have a… long history. As friends and colleagues, of course. They were very close for a while,” he tacks on. He wants to be forthcoming with you, but knows it isn’t his place to actually disclose Laszlo’s relationship with her.

“Oh.” you nod. Your anxiety begins to dissipate at the explanation. “I mean I’m not surprised by it, they both lived near each other for a while in Europe. I’m sure they ran in the same academic circles. Frankly, I’m glad he’s getting to catch up with her, he needs more friends than just us,” you laugh at Sara’s ‘cheers to that’ comment. “Anyways, how’s your week been?” you ask to change the subject.

The night comes to an end soon after; the tone shifted after you retired from the conversation about Laszlo’s absence. You caught a cab back to his home. He had given you a spare key in case you wanted to come over at any time, whether to study in peace or to just be there. He wasn't sure when he would get back, but he did ask for you to wait for him.

Getting ready for bed you chance a look at the clock. It was nearing midnight. Laszlo was still out, which was somewhat uncharacteristic of him, but you figure that he’s just got a lot to talk about with Dr. Stratton. You send a text to check in, but get no response.

As you lay in bed you find your thoughts wandering back to the conversation with John and Sara. “A long history; very close for a while…” plays on repeat in your head. You hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now it nags at you like a gnat swirling your head in the summertime. Surely nothing happened between the two? Laszlo would have told you. There’s no doubt he knew she was back, given that she’s in his department at the university. And you trust Dr. Stratton, she’s been a great support system and even a friend to you. If the two had been involved he would have let you know, you conclude. Besides, you and the doctor were happy, so even if they had been a thing at one point it surely wouldn’t matter now.

Right?

By the time you finally fall asleep Laszlo still hasn’t come home.

Tag list

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[merinelsa]

Hello! Why do you like the Hummelberry friendship so much?

ngl , i was a bit worried what had prompted this question since i've not encountered much of a positive outlook towards hummelberry in this fandom except for a very few , but then i remembered about the hummelberry post i had queue'd and this question makes much more sense now

now to the question , why do i like hummelberry . a simple answer would be that they were supportive friends who became a constant in each other's lives whether by choice or circumstance .

most people who dislike hummelberry , either hate them due to their dislike towards Rachel or due to the fact that kurtcedes was replaced by this friendship .As you know , i really do like Rachel and find her extra dramatic behaviour actually endearing and relatable in the way that makes a human act when they put too much of their confidence in their talent and don’t believe their whole personality could be a factor anyone would like them . i used to be part of the second group since kurtcedes was , and still am , my favourite friendship/characters . But i’ve learned to love and appreciate both the friendships and have understood the fact that both the friendships have contributed to Kurt becoming the complex human he is by the end of the show. 

Now . i’m not going to sit here and say that hummelberry was the best friendship or were perfect for each other . each of them had their own faults , and there were times i wanted to knock some sense into them . like s3-4 acted as if kurt was Rachel’s gay best friend which pushed him a lot to the sidelines and made his every storyline revolve around her . and if you look at s1 , there are many instances where kurt wasn’t the most understanding of rachel mostly due to the storylines revolving around finn and treated her in not the most kindest way 

but they really did grow up and became each other’s support system and hyped up each other when the other was down . they still got irritated by each other’s certain behaviour  . But i feel that is one of the things that makes a friendship special . In lady or gaga , when Kurt was doubting his uniqueness and taking it out on elliot , rachel was the one who confronted him and told him he was one of a kind and that his uniqueness is the factor that is going to take him to success . Kurt always does the same for Rachel whenever she doubts herself and her talent . In Glease , both of them where feeding off support from each other to face their  exes ( esp the scene where finchel and klaine have that awkward moment in the auditorium , rachel was the one  speaking in behalf of kurt to blaine when kurt couldn’t even get the courage to look at blaine and kurt doing the same for rachel telling finn about rachel’s broadway audition and hyping her up infront of her ex ) . 

In swan song , when Kurt was relying too much on props to show off his talent , Rachel was the one who reminded him that his voice alone is enough to capture the crowd and told him to dedicate the song to himself and the struggles he had to go through to get where he is today . Kurt was the one who was always beside her when she went through her first broadway show nerves and even genuinely got excited with her when she got her callbacks . 

also they are genuinely such a comedic duo , like in end of twerk coming up with stupid ideas to live carefree ( they are the worst rebels ever ) and in s6 , them as teachers was so hilarious to watch ( people don’t truly appreciate the comedic timing of both these characters as individuals and duo and get a bit caught up in the angsty nature of them ) . and them trying to recruit new members to the club was such a cute and hilarious plotline. 

Their duets are just too good , like the only one i don’t listen to constantly is Get Back . their wicked duet tradition , the happy days mashup are two of the things that bring me so much comfort . And Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead and Popular duets accentuate the comedic brilliance of these characters . 

And hummelberry in s6 deserves a special shoutout , they were at their absolute supportive and best selves in it with a much more balanced friendship as both of them lifted each other up from the rock bottom they’d reached . the scene in llm in rachel’s bedroom where the moment she sees Kurt in a devastated state , she rushes to hug him and give an ear to him forgetting all about the stuff she personally was going through . Her first thought was to give comfort to her struggling friend , look how much of a growth that is ( maybe even a parallel to the s1 bedroom scene where they were pretending to be friends and actually was fighting over finn ) . she’s the one who helped to arrange a meeting with blaine and was with him giving him comfort during that moment in Home gcv where they are looking at a cuddling blainofsky .  and in transitioning , kurt called out all his friends ( even blaine ), to help rachel with the big transitioning she was going through and made her feel less alone to take that big jump . and when she was contemplating about whether to go back to college or take the new broadway show , he is the one that reminded her  about the big second chance they were getting to be back in the crossroads of their lives and choose the path that they’d neglected the first time. 

and atlast the surrogacy , they grew up to trust each other so much to give such an important decision of his life in the hands of rachel . 

so yeah , this became quite long , didn’t honestly think i had this much love for this friendship and i feel like i haven’t even scratched the surface of the good parts of their friendship. Theirs were the only friendship the glee writers didn’t forget about by the end of the show and constantly gave development to it through all the seasons . Again , i’m not saying they don’t come with their faults but it is honestly understandable in a situation where both of them are part of the same industry kind of the same deal with klaine 

[mm2305]

Fever

Pairings : Dr. Ethan Ramsey & f! MC Dr. Olivia Valentine

Rating : Teen

Disclaimer : All characters belong to pixelberry and all rights for the song belong to the rightful owners.

Description : Towards the end of the gala in book 2, chapter 17, a karaoke game is hosted.

Authors note : Hello everyone! This fic was inspired by 1) my love for OH and romance, 2)conversations with people from the fandom and 3) my love for this song. I recommend listening to the song featured on this story, which is "fever" by Peggy Lee, just to have an idea of why I think this song is so fitting for our dear couple. English isn't my first language and this is my first attempt at an Ethan x MC fic, so please be kind with me. Now it's story time! Enjoy!

___________________

The evening was progressing rather nicely, people having a good time,talking and mingling with the crowd, trying to do the best they could to save Edenbrook. Deep down, the hospital staff knew that this last effort, the gala, would just delay the inevitable closing of the hospital. However, there was no way they'd go down without a fight. At the very least, the hospital for as long as it would remain open, would be able to cater to those in need of medical care. Of course, apart from helping people and working there, Edenbrook had become a home to all of the doctors and nurses. Friendships, rivalries, love and pain were parts of the lives of all those people who worked in the hospital.

Things for a certain attending and resident were finally starting to become clearer. It seems that a future of them finally being together was nothing but inevitable.

Olivia couldn’t be more surprised by Ethan kissing her in front of all these people, when just a few months ago he didn’t want to pursue a relationship with her. The attraction and care they felt towards each other,were things they had both realized they felt a long time ago, but they hadn't acted on their feelings. After her albeit brief, but agonizing, brush with death though, the both of them, realized that they shouldn’t waste any more precious time just pining for one another. Dreaming, gazing, yearning for each other's touch and smile. This time, the both of them would take the leap and try. They cared for one another deeply and despite the fact that they hadn’t said the three magical words yet, it was pretty obvious that they did feel the same love and adoration for one another.

So here they are, now as a couple, after hours of talking and persuading people to contribute to their cause. The night would be soon drawing to an end but Naveen had a surprise in store for everyone.

‘’ Ladies and gentlemen thank you all for coming here tonight. We are all grateful for your help and support through these tough times. Before this wonderful night ends we have a surprise for you all. Grab your microphones and let your inner singer soar because we are hosting a karaoke game!’’, he announced with a huge smile.

The crowd cheered and applauded, thrilled for the chance to take part in this last event. This would undoubtedly be very fun and exciting for everyone.

‘’ Wooo! Get ready! ‘Cause ya’ll are about to hear my amazing voice! ‘’

‘’ I think we’ll pass scalpel jockey ‘’, Jackie smirked.

‘’ Jackie you’re no fun you know that right? How about you Oliv? Gonna sing something?‘’

‘’ Mmm… Yeah ‘'

’' At least you have a nice voice unlike some people here ‘’

'' You jealous of me Jackiee? You know that-''

‘’ Wait, you do? How come I didn’t know this Olivia? ‘’, Ethan interrupted, partly surprised. There was a spark in her eyes. "She definitely is up to something." he thought watching her carefully, trying to guess what she could be up to.

‘’Well Ethan it’s not like I sing all the time. Just when I’m in the mood. Okay wish me luck everyone! ‘’, Olivia walked away from the group and went up to grab the microphone.

‘’ Hello everybody! I’m Kyra Santana, a former patient of Edenbrook and now a member of the accounting department. However, at the moment I’m your host for this last part of our gala. Our first contestant is our very own, brilliant and gorgeous, Dr Olivia Valentine who is going to sing a song as beautiful and sensual as herself. Let’s all welcome Olivia singing ‘’Fever’’ by Peggy Lee!! ‘’

After a soft encouragement from Kyra she took the mic.

‘’This song is for someone special to me, who has made me feel things I never thought I would. For you. ‘’ Olivia said looking straight into Ethan’s loving eyes.

Never know how much I love you

Never know how much I care

As soon as she started singing, Ethan was left speechless. "She loves me? She loves me? Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Do I feel the same way? What do I say to her?". Ethan didn't need to think long about that. He knew he loved her. He had for a long time. When he thought he would lose her forever, it was like his world crumbled around him. She was his world. And he wouldn't waste any more time. With a nod to himself, he decided to tell her about his feelings too. If she could be so brave as to pour her feelings into a song and to admit her love for him in front of all these people, then he could find the courage to let his walls down. He was already hers in every single way.

When you put your arms around me

I get a fever that’s so hard to bear

Olivia moved her hips sensually to the rhythm of the music, never breaking contact with Ethan's eyes. She could see the initial surprise when she started singing, telling to him and the world that she loved him. However that surprise turned quickly into what she could only describe as love. He had a drink in his hand but he hadn't taken a sip since she got to the "stage". His eyes were taking in her every move mesmerized and she could see the slight blush on his cheeks. With a wink she broke contact to look at her friends. They were all wearing huge smiles on their faces and quietly supporting her, as always.

You give me fever, when you kiss me

Fever when you hold me tight

When she got to that part of the song she returned her gaze to Ethan who was now smiling warmly at her. With an answering smile if her own, she mischievously turned her back on him swaying her hips and got to move around the stage.

Fever in the mornin’,

a fever all through the night

Truer words had never been spoken. Olivia was on his mind, day and night, occupying his thoughts. He kept thinking of her joyous laugh, her bright green eyes and her soft touch every time of the day. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Olivia finished her performance and was applauded by the guests there. As she began to step down from the ‘’ stage’’, she felt strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close.

‘’You were absolutely amazing out there love.’’

Before she had a chance to reply, he grasped her waist tightly and kissed her passionately drawing ‘’woos’’ and ‘’ finally’s ‘’ from the crowd cheering them on.

‘’Thank you!’’ she whispered, still a little dazed from their kiss, eyes bright with love and excitement.

‘’For the record, you give me fever every time I see you too, Olivia . I … Every single time. You’re so smart, beautiful and a colossal PITA but… you’re my Rookie. I'm so honored to call you mine. I wouldn’t change that for the world, you know that right? I… I love you too Oliv, so much and I just want you it to be happy and…���’

He was interrupted by his girlfriend’s (he couldn’t believe it, yet it's true) sweet loving kiss.

‘’I know Ethan. It was pretty obvious to me, without you having said the words. But I'll never tire of hearing it. I am so so happy now. And all because of you."

Ethan took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Let’s go home shall we? I have to show you just how much fever you give me, after all.‘’

" I thought you'd never ask "

Ethan led her towards the exit, holding her small soft hand in his big one, while waving goodbye to their friends, having a huge grin in his face.

The night was young and they planned to take advantage of it.

____________________

This is it folks! Thank you for reading!

A special thanks to @caseyvalentineramsey and @actuallybored for encouraging me to try and write this. Also a big thank you to @romewritingshop for being the most amazing beta. 🙏❤️❤️

Taglist :

@romewritingshop @codykosuckmytoe @sophxwithers @actuallybored @potionsprefect @caseyvalentineramsey @ethansramsey @rookie-ramsey @lahamseiroshoe @gryffindordaughterofathena @kiara-36 @mrsethanfreakingramsey @brooks-eden @panda9584 @genevievemd @arnikki-2406 @jamespotterthefirst

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed :)

[ruby-whistler]

@justalads hi, hello! made a new post because didn't want to clog up everything with a suuper long string of reblogs, so i hope you don't mind!

also, i'm sorry to ask you this, but i have trouble focusing - in your next reply, would you maybe mind cutting up the big paragraphs into smaller ones? i'm nd and it's extremely difficult to concentrate at long strings of text like that, which is why i usually cut up everything i say into chunks :]

(actually had to have my friend cut up your last reply because he's a v fast reader, shoutout ani lmao)

anyways, let's continue the debate i say because there's a lot to still talk about in my opinion as well

/dsmp /rp, and of course all /lh

as for the whole was manipulated / wasn't manipulated thing, there's pretty much a divide amongst most people i know whether or not to call it that - but since that word's been misused a lot in this fandom, here is the instance most people are referring to, for you to judge for yourself, in this very (in my opinion) well-written analysis!

since i myself am very confused about the subject but i think it'd be better for you to read that first, i'll just move past that for now i think.

i attached a lot more resources this time because i remembered that a lot of people who agree with me on these things are smarter than me so, sorry for the links you'll have to click through this time but i think it could help me articulate what i actually want to say better.

i don't think i entirely get your point about it "making sense for him to progress like this". i don't know what you mean by 'make sense'. it comes off as 'he was always going to become this way because of the kind of person he was in the beginning' which, i don't agree with in general? because no, you don't just become a bad person, and especially with c!dream i find that this ignores a lot of the things that he went through.

also, i wouldn't say everyone had equal hand in what happened. "a product of his environment" means everything sort of mixed together; the way the world works; a cycle of violence, eye for an eye, and no therapy or communication.

dream's spiral isn't a result of any one character's actions. c!wilbur started the whole big wars and animosity thing, but that's only about 50% of what i'd call "the environment". there's also a lot of personal mistakes and miscommunication mixed in.

so no, i'm not saying it was entirely "other characters"' fault, what i mean is more that they contributed by you know, treating him as the incarnation of all evil, breaking his personal boundaries, overall just no one treating him like they should a person (this is overall their attitude over multiple seasons), etc..

and also another thing i meant to say was that he didn't deserve the abandonment. no one deserves to lose half their friends once (l'manberg when they turned against him for literally no good reason in his eyes), and then watch the ones who were the last remaining and the closest ones he had, leave him one by one because of an image of himself he had no control over, which was started by one and then perpetuated until he became a literal hate magnet. people did hurt c!dream, and he didn't deserve that.

all i'm saying is that i see where he is coming from, and that his spiral wasn't a result of powerhungriness, or cruelty, or any other personal flaw, but it was literally someone who cared about people too much getting driven too far by the circumstances he was put into.

and i think that is my overall statement for now.

you said i was "brushing it off as george being a drama queen" for the whole dethronement scene. i read what you said about it, and i'd like to ask you to once again watch the actual stream.

george literally tried to steal the l'mantree and got assassinated by techno beforehand. i don't see why he would be in any way in the wrong for dream taking away his kingship, and i don't think it is reminiscent of a power dynamic or dream having "higher authority".

dream thinking george can't handle himself is completely justified considering what he did and how he didn't even attempt to stay neutral. he was supposed to be a diplomatic figure who would make sure the dream smp doesn't get into wars, that was the point of pretending to be a monarchy (because the dsmp really just isn't, it's anarchy with a diplomatic representative and an army general).

here's a thread which besides other things mentions things dream did for the two of them, and besides fighting with him in one (george) or two (sapnap) wars they really weren't "loyal to him for a long while" compared to the amount of times he sacrificed things for them.

"have an equal say in things" doesn't apply when one of the three is trying to keep peace and the other two instigate conflict left and right. like i'm sorry but i don't see why dream would owe them a say in the faction he's trying to protect.

dream doesn't think of them as lower. that actually just sounds like guilt-tripping your friend to let you take care of a pet you've poisoned before and he had to rush to the hospital. peace is fragile and these two weren't responsible enough to be given the power to break it.

to say "george didn't want" it was an overstatement. he literally did nothing as a king and he had no control in the first place (because the dream smp doesn't have a government in the first place).

the whole thing about him being sad was for show because c!george is a manipulative prick who takes advantage of his friends for fun. and i don't mean this in a bad way, he's not a bad person for it, he's actually a really fun character more than anything, and he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose - but he's a jerk! he's done it before and now he's doing it again, and he continues to do it (dreamxdcoughcough-)

so no dream was. absolutely not in the wrong here, it wasn't even supposed to be public, george just made a big deal out of it.

the last thread i mentioned also talks about the whole "spirit speech" thing and, answer me a question - would you consider it justified for all of tommy's friends (even tubbo who he's been close with for so long) to abandon him just because he's said basically the same thing about the discs - like three times?

that's just the double standards though. phil and techno are still being hated on for "abandoning" a kid they barely know - and meanwhile dream's been given up on by everyone he's ever cared about before being given a chance, but people try to find ways it's his fault, like it matters.

it doesn't matter, because abandonment hurts you, no matter if the people have good reasons for it or not, and in this case they didn't. the point i'm making is this character has been hurt and has been actively hurting and it's been ignored for bias' sake.

i'm not saying they're bad people for it, or responsible for his actions. some of them are bad people independently (/hj). but they still affected him.

“if respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?” yeah? i don't see the point in this either. interesting to point out that dream learned this the hard way with you know, no one having respect for him as a person and only being able to fight for what he cares about via 'an axe and a shield'.

and no, dream didn't have an arising god complex. he was becoming more desperate for control because of his circumstances over the course of s2, but the god complex only happened in the prison because he had all control of everything (who he gets to talk to, what and when he gets to eat) taken away for months before being shown a smidge of power again. that's just a natural reaction to very messed up circumstances that had no buildup other than that.

the no-remorse thing - he could be remorseful and we wouldn't know. that's not even speculation, that's just saying that pretending to know whether or not he regrets things is a weak argument because we have no evidence for or against; we don't see his pov. that he doesn't show it doesn't say anything, it's a vital part of his character that he doesn't show what he's thinking.

"friends support each other" yes, and none of c!dream's "friends" ever did. it's a contrast with how much support for example tommy, tubbo, or wilbur got. not saying they weren't all abandoned as well, but no one has been alone to the point c!dream was or completely emotionally isolated for so long. his experience in this way is unique, and hence it's formed him in a way it hasn't anyone else.

dream didn't hurt george. he did create a place in the vault for his fish (that would be mars, not beckerson though), and he did do bad things to other people. he had reasons to be upset at someone who he didn't expect to do bad things doing them. it doesn't justify the things he said. it's a lot of explanation vs. justification when it comes to this server, and this is an example of this.

it wasn't a reaction to him being directly hurt by him, which is what you had implied (if i remember correctly) in the last post, and it wasn't right of him to do. also i agree he wasn't betraying him with what he said in prison, he'd done that a long time ago anyways.

"puffy does not dismiss people’s trauma just because they are adults, or if she does i haven’t seen strong evidence of it." jack, nikki and in a way the eggpire. dream is not far behind, but not the main example.

"you point out that she’s a guardian figure but from what i remember that lasted for a couple streams and after that wasn’t really mentioned in canon. if she really saw him like that, then maybe she would have checked up on him earlier and maybe would have told him off."

i'm pretty sure it was canonized by cc!puffy saying c!puffy isn't his biological mom, but that she sees herself as his guardian figure. so yes, she really saw him like that, and yeah, she "would've" checked up on him earlier; or rather "should've", but she didn't, and that's precisely what i'm talking about. that's not how you treat someone you allegedly see as being a guardian of. not saying c!puffy's a bad person, but she's another one c!dream was attached to and who failed to ever reach out to him before deeming him deserving of what he's (was, because admittedly it's gotten worse since) going through.

"she said at one point that he didn’t deserve to see her but she still cared about him."

this is what i mean when i say she has a moral superiority problem. like she's doing something extra by being a decent person. i know this might come across as cynical, and i swear i don't hate the character, but that sentence is very hypocritical, you must admit.

"she did try."

nope! she said she was going to try. that's the problem. i'm not talking about intentions here in the slightest, i'm talking about the actual consequences and effect it had on him as a character and why it's just very sad in my opinion that none of the people he thought were close to him stood by his side or even attempted to help him.

the entire original post was very clearly stated as not blaming most of these characters for acting in the way they did. it was "critical" of a lot of them in a way, but i never said anything negative about them other than describing things they did that had a negative effect.

i stand by that, because i truly believe they did all those things, and them having good intentions or personal feelings doesn't change that. it contextualizes them, but doesn't take away from the harm.

saying "it's not her fault" about puffy for example or that "it was just a reaction" is excusing those things, which is what i disagree with.

here is a thread as to why people like puffy or sapnap saying certain things is understandable but still very messed up, please read since it details parts of what i've said here in an arguably better way.

you also phrased the whole "she didn't abandon him either" part like he was the one who cut the ties which is not true. she wasn't there for him, is the point. another person he cared about who didn't prove to care about him enough to stop him from spiralling or try help at all.

if "they don't owe him anything" is your base argument against someone being hurt via being left by people they care about over and over again until they're utterly alone with no support system and unhealthy mindsets, we might have to agree to disagree :) /nm

please clarify if that wasn't the intention, because it sounds like it.

"i think that how people feel about it depends a lot on when they started watching, and who they were watching. the thing you have to take into consideration is that at the start of l’manburg, a lot of the roleplay was not very serious. the sides were messier than they are today. that doesn’t work or make sense for people who want to see it as only one thing, and are fixed in their ways so much that they’ll ignore canon to prove their point."

i've been watching since august and yeah, i agree. i've always seen c!dream as in the right at that point, so it's definitely different for the people who haven't seen that happen.

"you seem to have a very fixed view of wilbur: that he only wanted power, that he enjoyed tearing people apart, that he lied all the time, and that he was attempting to paint dream as something he wasn’t."

to be fair, you seem to have a very fixated view of wilbur too. i do think he wanted power, but also just to revolt for the sake of it - i don't think he straight up enjoyed it but it was a means to his ends, i don't think he lied all the time but he lied much more than people realize, and i don't think he just attempted, i dare to say he was extremely successful.

"you also see him as conscious of what he was doing the entire time, and sort of treating the war like a game."

i'd say a story or narrative is a much more fitting metaphor. also yeah he's so much smarter than people give him credit for, but i guess covering it up was intentional as well, because manipulation ain't meant to be obvious at first sight now is it? like for example c!dream, that man was awful at it. he's just. so bad. unironically. he did cause a lot of harm, not diminishing that, but man. his manipulation is the clumsiest thing i've ever seen, people calling him a puppeteer is such an overstatement, it's really funny to me.

now c!wilbur? he was really good at it. that's what i mean by "you need more than intelligence", because emotions are stronger than critical thinking and can be exploited easier. all the sentimentality around l'manberg is a great example.

"wilbur didn’t go around trying to recruit people by saying “dream is bad”." yeah no he started by straight up lying to fundy when they first met (if you rewatch the hot dog van video, there's really no denying that), then he lied some more to tubbo while praising him every time he followed his orders, i don't completely remember eret's recruitment, and tommy looked up to him since the beginning, and it's very easy to see that c!wil took advantage of that.

he did tell people they needed to revolt against tyranny though, that's precisely what he did and how he got them to side with him in the war. by tyranny he meant everyone in the server who wasn't european, picking dream as the scapegoat since he had the most power (not by establishing it in any way, but simply by being skilled) and it was smart to do that, not gonna lie!

"weak businessman" is just not true. he was planning to "use the tommyinnits of the world" aka, the "young and naive" (his words, not mine) ones whom he could "mold", in order to establish a capitalist empire based on stealing from people while lying to them about saving them from being sick.

this man was planning to take power from the start and he was going to use lies to get what he needed. from the beginning i have no reason to believe why he would change his goals when he proceeded to do that very thing and achieve it, just put "revolution" instead of "business" as a guise of what he was actually doing.

"you quoted revivedbur’s stream as proof it was, which is funny because despite saying wilbur is someone who lies you missed a kind of big one." yeah, as someone who mentioned people ignoring canon earlier you missed kind of a big one.

the only reason people disbelieve this is not because it doesn't align with canon, but because they assume he's lying for the sole reason that it doesn't align with the way they see canon.

the reason i believe it is not because i believe a word c!wilbur says (i never have and never will), but because it aligns with what actual evidence has been saying from the start, as well as the way cc!wilbur talks about the character. it's simply further confirmation of what many people already knew; an extension even, if you will.

people tend to take things characters say at face value and then use it as their only evidence; "if you want to hear why l’manburg was created, you have to listen to wilbur when he created it."

what they actually ignore is you know, the actions, not the words. according to his actions and all known laws of logic, he was lying since the beginning, and that is the point. and it makes sense for him to lie, unlike in alivebur's case.

"i say he cared about l’manburg because it drove him to death."

yeah he did care! cc!wilbur said so! he also said he cared about it in a twisted way and that he had an unhealthy view of possessions. he thought l'manberg his and no one else's, a weapon of power for him to use however he pleases.

unlike dream who destroyed himself bit by bit trying to take back what he cares about, because it was not power, but people - wilbur saw no more worth in it and destroyed it instead. his own death and spiral was a collateral, because that isn't a healthy mindset either.

interesting foils, actually, i didn't notice that before.

"the whole time wilbur was attempting to portray a character who was a chronic liar and manipulator, and it was all planned out from the start. purely because of the chaos of season one i don’t think this is possible."

i reckon you're underestimating cc!wilbur here. that man could play a convincing, complex, morally messed up character while roleplaying with kindergarteners.

"and, you know, if he’s saying “dream is not our enemy” that hardly sounds like forcing a narrative onto him?" i mean i don't think i need to give evidence as to wilbur calling him a tyrant right after. i was just talking about how hypocritical and downright ridiculous his later accusations are, which you didn't address.

"because what he’s saying is that dream’s actions are tyrannical, his rule is tyrannical, not him." no actually, he said right after; 'big words, that's what we use in war', about calling him that, so i don't reckon that is the case. he was calling him that for the sake of it, and later on everyone ended up believing him about that despite there being no evidence. i must admit, the man's very good at what he does. he constantly changes the narrative to whatever benefits him and somehow gets away unnoticed. that was my point.

dream didn't tell sapnap it was a bad idea because it wasn't...? wilbur was going around stealing from people while lying to them. wil was framing himself to be the victim. like the whole "drugs" bit was funny but wilbur was only making drugs to estabilish, once again, a capitalistic empire he would be in charge of, on dream's land, and he was also doing it via dishonest means.

the intentions never changed, it was simply the way it was achieved that did, which switched from just lying to straight up propaganda when people managed to stop him at first.

so yes, wilbur's definition of tyranny very much was being stopped from stealing.

so yeah, even if dream would've done the same to them, he a hundred percent would be in the right, but he didn't even do that much, which makes wil's accusations all the more ridiculous.

just because sapnap was fighting against being stolen from - and others being stolen from - doesn't make him tyrannical or a government. your teacher in school isn't a government just because she has authority of some kind?

"wilbur’s problem was that sapnap could do that and get away with it." well then that's his problem, because people should be able to get away with protecting themselves and others from people trying to rob everyone on the server of a specific item and then gain power from selling rare supplies.

also it was sapnap and tubbo, they both did the same thing, and wilbur didn't seem to have that much of a problem with tubbo, now did he? he accepted him right after he gave them supplies, then rejected sapnap when he did the same. the people he was accusing of being tyrannical were very selective, and he seemed to be also selectively choosing whoever he was "protecting" from said "tyranny". though i guess "using the tommyinnits of the server" also included using tubbo, now didn't it?

"i highly, highly doubt that was what it was written as at the time."

yeah, dream did quote the lion king, but that doesn't change the way that it was anarchy. dream's "no factions" thing he had going on also included no government by default, showcased by him having problems with people starting countries. if it wasn't anarchy, what was it then? because that's literally the only thing that fits. there was no government and even dream described it as a "family" rather than any form of hierarchy, so i don't get your point. some people are going to have better things than others, and they'll be able to protect themselves and others better, but there is no system in place, that's literally how anarchy works. their mock court with no actual laws enforced by no one doesn't count i don't think.

the fact they thought they had a reason to attack her doesn't change the fact that they attacked first, so dream had all the reasons to believe they were aggressive and was fully justified in declaring war. this makes the statement "dream attacked first" untrue as well.

wilbur knew what he was doing, he knew he was going to scam people for power. if he thought he was being mistreated he could just stop trying to mistreat others.

i do agree it became a lot of other things for other people. i think that's one of the reasons wilbur destroyed it though; it was supposed to be his l'manberg.

if the power was supposed to "let him do what he wanted" then that's quite ironic considering what he wanted was power (you know, the reason he started the drug empire in the first place), not because he wanted to "make drugs undisturbed". that is quite literally an obvious lie he used when they first started and somehow people have totally forgotten that was not the truth.

"he didn't want power over others" cc!wilbur said he wanted to have power over l'manberg because he thought it was something worth having power over. if you consider l'manberg the people, then your statement would be untrue. then again, maybe he simply wanted to have something be fully his because of his possessive nature.

"he would lie about his past actions out of a place of self hatred." is just. reaching, with all due respect. this man might be mentally unstable, but that makes literally no sense when the day before he was saying how he had "plans to make". he thinks ahead, always.

"what if one person wants the “freedom” to attack another? it’s still technically allowed, but obviously it’s morally wrong." yeah that's what i mean by not infringing on the rights of others. in that case they shouldn't have that freedom, just like wilbur shouldn't have the freedom to restrict others' freedom.

also i see the whole "words" schtick as manipulation because it was. they said they "fought with words", like that doesn't sound like a peaceful solution, more like a different approach, and it was because that is what they did.

other people believed in the ideals of l'manberg and they protected it for good reasons, but that doesn't change the fact it was build on lies by a liar and it did exactly what it was meant to do - it divided people.

i actually talk about it in this post here!

"wilbur was saying that he wanted to create something important." nope, the quote continues something like "make them think it's important because you want to have power over it, when it's not." here's the link to the whole clip.

"wilbur showed in the first war that that wasn’t his main motive" i've already said why i find this misinformation. he said it, he didn't show it, and that is because it isn't true.

the "something worth" part is just. taking things out of context to the point they're something completely different. yes, it was worth something to wilbur, and that worth was power. that's literally what that means.

the greater smp did represent anarchy and peace. that were the ideals c!dream was fighting for, and still was later on, that much was obvious if you look deeper into his character, so i'm not going to argue, other than that based on the information i have, it's incorrect.

"someone who wanted peace at the start and someone who tried to protect the thing and people he loved." see you tell me you didn't fall for propaganda and then say this. the thing he loved was his own personal power, and that was the end of it. if he wanted peace he wouldn't be starting factions and accusing people of being tyrannical while he himself was trying to estabilish an empire. i'm not saying he's an awful person, they're all morally grey, but that's just what all the actual evidence points to.

"your view shows him as lying about practically everything to everyone all the time, never caring about the citizens, and striving for conflict."

again, i don't believe he liked conflict for its own sake, but he did create division for his own benefit the way i see it.

yeah wilbur said it genuinely to tubbo when he first brought him armor; when the rule was first established. here's the post where i found it.

wilbur was never a dictator because people didn't listen to him, which is why he did the whole election thing, with his other plan than a democratic election with no democracy being this:

Wilbur: “We can either, Tommy, right – we can either become a dictatorship, okay…we can just suddenly decide, ‘right, we’re in charge,’ and we just start – we start asserting our dominance. Now the key thing to being a dictator, is we need to control the center of power…so we get an army going –”

Tommy: “What is the center of power? Is it like some cube, or like an orb?”

Wilbur: “The army! The army! The banks, you know? We take control of those, and then people will do exactly as we say, right? That’s the dictatorship route, right. The other route is the democracy route. Now, this route’s gonna be slightly harder, but I have a plan. So I was thinking…what better way of making people believe that you’re in charge than by having them vote for you, right?”

so uh, i wouldn't be so quick to say he didn't plan on being oppressive to his people. he was literally planning to start an army and take total control of the economy to "assert dominance" over his own people -because he didn't think they respected his authority enough and was irritated by it - but instead defaulted to lies and manipulation of the crowd. you see a pattern already?

"the feelings of l’manburg were more like friends than a hierarchy even though he was technically in charge." this is the thing with dream though, except there was. actually no hierarchy. the original dream smp was this but actually true instead of just being a front. no one actually needed l'manberg, wilbur made them think they did. tubbo and sapnap used to be friends before this. the friendships inside of it could've existed without, and would've probably been better off without being stained by war.

wilbur didn't fear for anyone's safety, and i don't get where you would get that conclusion. the dream smp was already safe, people like dream and sapnap were making it safe.

"people that were already in l’manburg had been affected firsthand by dream. they knew what he was capable of and so were fighting for l’manburg and each other, not because wilbur told them to." i don't find this true at all, please elaborate because i have reasons to believe this is incorrect.

the quote you’ve listed is very interesting to me, because it first of all shows dream’s “ends justify the means” mentality (that is also shown in an explanation of his motives during moments like this, which happened after the war), as well as trying to end the war as soon as he could.

the dream smp was freedom. the freedom wilbur was asking for was the freedom to take the land, take the people dream considered his friends, divide them and create a government.

wilbur was verbally aggressive with dream since the beginning, back when he was cocky. this only shows that dream was one of the few people who didn’t fall for his words. his main point in his motivation during the war was not wanting to give them independence, which would be, well, giving wilbur power over the land *and* the people. so i think from his position this is extremely understandable.

but back to the topic at hand, wilbur’s speech here means literally nothing, because it’s as untrue as everything he’s said before - in both intention and meaning - as well as being a last attempt at turning the situation in his favor using words. he said he was a peaceful businessman back when he was robbing people, and not like that meant anything when his actions said otherwise. both sides had their losses and were ready to harm the other, neither was the victim, no matter how good wil is at playing one.

dream was giving them chances over and over again. you can literally see he wasn’t hurting them because he wanted to, even despite it being war he was willing to step away at any moment should the other side surrender. and, well, of course dream’s perspective wouldn’t mean anything to wilbur, because he had his own, and he knew no one was going to believe dream anyways; he made sure of it.

i’m not saying he wanted violence, but that doesn’t mean he was good or pacifistic. he was *ready* to be violent if needed (see the armor quote again as well as the fact they literally fought), but i too would be happy if i was able to to colonize someone’s land without any resistance or conflict if you know what i mean. guess wilbur realized rather quickly words wouldn’t work on dream, which is why he got verbally violent and didn’t seem opposed to fighting him later on (during the actual war).

reminds me of exile, in a way. can’t get them to listen to you and give you what you want? get them out of the way in a different manner.

either way, point is; i’m sure wilbur didn’t want to fight, i don’t think him a fan of violence *at all* but he was the instigator and was ready to perpetuate war to get what he wanted. (see him also being willing to make an army to control his citizens, but using underhanded tactics instead to make people think they were voting for him.)

the whole “dream attacked the child soldiers and was always the one to start it” is quickly negated by the way dream constantly asked them to give up instead of fighting. it was literally wilbur who pushed them to go on and risk (and lose) their lives. dream’s said later on that he “had to” do what he did (he was being genuine here), which means he, in a way, felt responsible for stopping wilbur & l’manberg. he didn’t want to be violent, but unlike wilbur, he wasn’t going to be able to talk them out of it. it makes sense he would turn to threats and intimidation to try and get them to surrender first, i mean, what other choice was there?

l’manberg weren’t the ones forced to fight, is what i’m getting at.

dream wasn’t any more violent than wilbur, it’s just wil was better at non-violent, but still morally reprehensible, ways of getting his way, and he used them to his full advantage. neither of them wanted violence for the sake of it, and i never said that; i just said wilbur’s “pacifist” schtick was a total ruse, and never meant anything about his actual “peacefulness”, which i still find true.

as for the whole “manipulated or didn’t manipulate” thing with the vassal scene, the first link i sent here i think describes my stance quite well. but it’s very interesting to note that there’s a theory wilbur legitimately thinks dream selfish, which is why he said that - either way, the effect remains, dream was essentially shut down after trying to gain back people’s trust and help out who he considered the “good side”.

dream was very obviously making efforts, giving tommy and techno as well as the pogtopia cause as a whole a whole lot of supplies, including his crossbow which he had a personal attachment to. he expressed outwardly that he was on their side, to the point where he refused to call l’manberg “manberg” and then was caught off-guard when wilbur called it that during the vassal conversation.

dream was attached to tommy, as shown by fighting for him during the eiffel tower conflict, and also helping him overall. their relationship was always very interesting, but after the l’manberg war, their friendship never really changed - tommy scammed the discs back, that had at that point legally belonged to dream, but he didn’t seem to hold even that against him as he tried to help get back l’manberg with him. they were the sort of friends who would tease each other to hell an back and fight on the battlefield each other but still have friendly vibes… you know what i mean?

i think this is why exile hurt so much, to me. that i believe they had genuinely been friends once, before it went downhill at a hella steep inclide. but enough me rambling about what had once been my comfort duo and is now utterly unsalvageable.

either way, he was attached to the people involved, because a lot of the character strongly indicates he has a sense of responsibility (not control) over the people on his smp. it’s the reason he’d always get involved in conflicts other people started, like pogtopia.

his fatal flaw has always been caring too much after all - and not being cared about back, because sometimes, that’s just how life works. that’s what destroyed him. that’s literally the character, so saying he “could’ve just walked away” is dismissing pretty much his entire personality, but hey, i don’t blame you, just pointing it out.

the thing is wilbur did force him to make a terribly hard decision. dream could either give him the tnt, ally with the self-proclaimed bad guys, or let wilbur get back his power and go mad with ambition - not saying it would happen, but it’s what wilbur threatened to do. keep in mind dream’s main concerns about this whole conflict was schlatt going to war with the dream smp, as expressed by himself, and so wilbur saying he would genuinely do the same if he became president again was literally backing dream up into a corner.

“if dream thought wilbur was being a villain”

Wilbur: How much would you say that me and Tommy are kind of the bad guys here? We… We… I mean, we-

Dream: I don’t think you guys are the bad guys.

i… don’t know where you got that from, maybe you misunderstood something i said, but no, he definitely didn’t. until wilbur convinced him, that is.

“i’m also going to say that “villainization” and “calling out someone for hurting you” are not the same thing.”

yeah, they are. and dream was villainized.

so uh, first of all, wilbur literally said he was going to “use the tommyinnits of the world” in order to establish his capitalistic empire, then he called tommy “young”, “naïve”, and said that he likes him because he can build a foundation upon him, after which tommy questioned him and he said not to worry about it.

wilbur proceeded to lie to everyone including tommy about dream, the country he was establishing, to the point where tommy is seen confused in both the vassal scene and the revivedbur scene - asking why he would ally himself with dream both times, because he genuinely thought he was a bad person, a “dictator” they were fighting against.

wilbur didn’t reply either time, because he knew very well what he had done and he intended for tommy to think that.

during the entirely establishment he was exploiting the clingyduo not knowing anything about politics in order to enforce unhealthy patriotism onto them. he forced tommy to give up his hill-house and turn it into an embassy, guilt-tripping him by saying he doesn’t care about the cause (which was a lie) and that he can just leave if he doesn’t intend on being loyal.

and then there’s this scene:

Tommy: “Look at me in the eyes when I’m talking to you – There’s been some proper tyranny.”

[Wilbur pushes Tommy off the wall]

Wilbur: “Don’t tell me what to do, alright? You’re getting out of your comfort zone. Who’s the President? Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “How dare you, how dare you, you must respect manners, Wilbur! There are manners! There is a common etiquette that everyone must follow, my friend!”

Wilbur: “Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “…You’re the President.”

Wilbur: “Good lad, now come back.”

Tommy: “I – you’re gonna have to drop down a ladder, I’m not sure how we’re gonna –”

Wilbur: “Walk ‘round, walk ‘round, Mr. Vice President.”

and this is just before pogtopia. after this, wilbur proceeded to continue this kind of behaviour on tommy, with the whole “you’re never gonna be president” schtick - here we can see it actually didn’t start in pogtopia. wilbur had been pushing tommy down before in order to estabilish his own power and demand respect.

basically, tommy has been used by every adult figure he’s ever trusted and looked up to. which is part of why wilbur’s behaviour being ignored irks me so much, besides other things.

“when he was faced with a problem, he went for someone’s attachments as an attempt to get things back, and at this point hadn’t been called a villain. i see this as another precursor to the vault, again, the signs were there. the initial conflict of the disk war ended in general peace, it was the fact that dream never gave up those disks and continued to try and use them against tommy that hurt him.”

i disagree with this analysis of dream. he went for the discs because they were physically valuable at the time - tommy had only two, and he grinded hours for them, much like dream for his tools and armor. tommy formed an attachment to them as a result of the disc war, not the other way around.

he continued to use them for their attachment to get back l’manberg and then forcibly getting them back when the chance was provided.

dream didn’t use them once against c!tommy before he himself multiple times showcased how much he cared about them despite there being other discs at that point. dream only used them as placebo tokens to skeppy in order to get back something he was actually attached to, if i remember correctly.

dream fell deeper into using attachment because it became the only way to control his surroundings. no one had ever actually listened to him, and groups of people that had formed were too powerful for him to simply take on without reprocussions.

not only that, he became to lose control of everything - his friend’s house got burnt down and he wanted the person who did it to be held accountable? the leather of his dead horse got used to blackmail him! he was taught this from experience, not because he was “high on the power” or whatever your are implying was the reason.

“when he had then seen that dream would willingly hurt him, he began to call dream that and mean it.” he was taught dream to call dream a tyrant by wilbur, that’s literally what happened in canon. he did genuinely think he was a villain before the war, because that’s what wilbur told him and he trusted wilbur.

i am not taking everything wilbur says as truth. that man lies his mouth off every time he appears on screen. it’s just a character acknowledging what people who looked deeper into the narrative already knew. i’m not going to assume someone is lying when i logically know what he’s saying matches up with what i know to be true.

either way, here’s some more analyses on the subject you might wanna read to understand my points better and be able to more thoroughly rebut them: (1, 2, 3)

“with the sam thing, i am fairly certain that intentional withholding of food would be considered direct torture, and if that has not been retconned i would be surprised, but i don’t know.”

i… am genuinely sort of baffled at why you would think that? the prison arc is literally made to be about c!sam’s corruption, the mistreatment of dream (including mental and physical abuse) and c!quackity’s manipulation of the situation of his own gain. there is no reason to retcon the torture they put in on purpose? the prison arc is supposed to parallel exile and humanize dream. the people who have been analysing it all agree on that.

here’s a shorter (and outdated) list of the ways in which pandora’s is inhumane and here’s a longer one including things implied and more in-depth about c!sam and c!dream.

“the conditions are harsh and it’s interesting to remember that dream was the one who commissioned them in the first place (not meaning he deserves them, just food for thought)”

no, take your food back, i have heard this as a genuine excuse too many times by now. c!dream didn’t tell c!sam to physically and mentally abuse him. in fact he said that people would only be put in the main cell for 14 days max (the maximum amount of days before it becomes classified as torture by the united nations - man’s did his research), and they would have free reign of the prison. there have even been changes to the way the cell works since he’s been put in. he wasn’t going to subject anyone to the sort of thing he’s going through.

the only reason it’s happening to him is because people hate him and want him to suffer. the people of the server put him there because they thought they could use him later on, it’s a literal vault for a human being to be stored for later use, and it’s disgusting. people didn’t want him in the prison. they didn’t put him there to protect themselves. they were fully willing to kill him, and the only reason he is still alive is that they thought of him as an item and wanted to use his capabilities. (dream also buying into it, as he does with everything this godforsaken narrative enforces upon him, “i am the book”.)

i know it’s roleplay, but i’m emotionally invested in this arc, and it’s just so incredibly dark on purpose which people seem to ignore, so sorry for ranting.

“you say that you never said sam molded him into what he became, but you accuse the people of affecting dream and therefore forcing him into the role of the villain. i feel as if that is a type of molding?”

i’m saying no one molded dream on purpose, but what they all did (or should’ve done but didn’t) affected him in a very negative way nonetheless and should be acknowledged.

also, calling dream a monster or standing by while he gets ruthlessly murdered after following all orders and putting away all his armor and weapons isn’t very helpful of them.

“you saw it as skeppy “twisting his words”. this seems to be an example of someone calling dream on his crap, yeah? just because he’s twisting to defend himself doesn’t mean the other person is trying to make him be something he doesn’t want to be, it means that he’s uncomfortable or unable to deal with confrontation of his own acts and will attempt to justify them.”

no. i made an entire analysis of their interaction. that’s literally what he did, there is no softening that punch.

Dream: Anyway, um - you’re really making me out to be a bad guy! Like-

Dream: Look, we HAD to fight that war, okay? We had to fight that war, it was a necessary evil.

Skeppy: [Wheezes] No, it w- You’re telling me, you started the war too?

Dream: Yes! Because - listen-

Skeppy: You started it? It wasn’t even them, you started it-

Dream: Listen, they - they made a Declaration of Independence-

Skeppy: You one day woke up and said, “they don’t deserve that tiny piece of land”?

Dream: Well no, cause they made, they made a-

Skeppy: That’s literally what happened, one day you woke up and you said-

he continuously cuts him off while dream nervously expresses his discomfort over skeppy making him out to be the villain, and his refusal to listen. here’s my analysis of the interaction if you’d like to read it.

“i think it’s unfair to say that nobody tried to help him. people still treated him with respect and kindness for a long time and with those bonds it was ultimately him that cut them.”

no. name one bond that he cut first. george and sapnap? they left him first. sam, puffy, punz? he wasn’t as close with them, but he didn’t cut any of them off before they showed up during the disc finale ready to kill him. if that doesn’t count as them cutting attachments or abandoning him then i… don’t really know what you would call it?

“it feels a little victim-blamey to say that if only they had treated the guy hurting them better, maybe he wouldn’t have hurt them as much.” “you do say that dream is responsible for his actions, but you place the reason he did his actions on other people, effectively blaming them for how he turned out. this rubs me the wrong way because a lot of the people you accuse of doing this were people directly being harmed by him, and so it ends up sounding like they’re at fault for their own pain.”

well, it’s true, though? he was hurt and abandoned to the point when he didn’t care about hurting others anymore. that’s it. that’s his character arc. it’s not “victim-blamey”, it’s a fact. just because he ended up hurting people doesn’t negate the fact he was hurt himself first. the environment they all were a part of pushed him this far, and that’s just what happened.

the dream smp is a literal cycle of violence perpetuated by each and every one of them, and it’s awful for all of them. the problem is that they refuse to see things from others’ perspective and end up hurting each other as a result, which dream is a prime example of. that’s just the plot of the story, not victim-blaming anyone.

see the second to last line of my original post. “the entire dream smp is absolutely screwed, and every single one of them needs therapy.”

here’s another thread about that, actually!

i’m blaming the environment which includes the actions (which were often - not always - unintentional mistakes) of the individuals, i’m not saying they “brought this upon themselves” or anything of that sort. everyone makes mistakes and those mistakes might affect other people and how they act, but that’s not saying i’m blaming anyone for being hurt?

“sapnap still considered him a good guy up until the moment that he saw the space for beckerson in the vault.”

see you keep bringing this up but that doesn’t make sense at all. sapnap came into the vault before he saw that. he made the conscious decision to ally himself with tommy during doomsday before he saw that. he accused dream of not caring about him and george, and left to make his own country before he saw that. you get the point?

the vault was the direct consequence of the hurt he’d endured, so i don’t see why you would ever list it as a reason for people abandoning him? the prison is just them continuing it, although at this point they might have actual reasons, it doesn’t negate the fact that they ignore his bad conditions and even perpetuate them.

“dream was not alone until he chose to be alone. it was tragic that he chose that, but it was ultimately his choice and this is evidenced by the vault.”

people do not decide to isolate themselves for no reason. people started cutting him off first, they turned against him first, they made him the villain first, they used what he loved against him first, they told him he couldn’t ever achieve peace first. he only cut himself off only after all of that happened, and i would’ve done the same! you would’ve done the same. it was a defence mechanism that only sent him deeper down his mental spiral, but it was a reaction, not a decision he made. the vault is a physical embodiment of how deep down he went and how bad his state of mind had gotten overtime through neglect.

also, you might wanna give the vault vod a rewatch as well, and then tell me the person saying those things is mentally healthy and definitely doesn’t need help.

oh! also, a thread on attachment about dream. worth a read.

just because a response is an overreaction or wrong doesn’t make it any less of a response. nearly all of the things dream did was a reaction of some sort.

he lists his reason for starting the war as them declaring independence, so i don’t think it really matters when the official document was sent.

“he also initiated the final disk conflict, with the clear intention of murdering tubbo and putting tommy in the prison as a sort of thing for his amusement. he said multiple times that he found the struggle with tommy “fun”, and said their fight wasn’t over because he personally found it engaging to torment another person, and that was how he got power.”

oh yeah, that definitely seems like something the guy who’s only ever listed his reasons as being peace and has been mentally declining ever since would be completely honest about in front of his biggest enemy. /s

the thing is, the way dream behaves in front of tommy is starkly different than everyone else. c!dream sees him as the “hero” and himself as the “villain”, which is why the pushing of the narrative on his part is so strong when they interact.

besides, so many things he says simply don’t match up at all.

basically, he is very obviously playing a part when he says things like this. nothing he says like that matches up with anything else about his character, and that’s the only explanation. besides, this man’s evil monologues are straight out of a “how to be a scary villain” book.

no discredit to cc!dream of course, but it’s like that intentionally. cc!dream has said after this that c!dream is “reserved” not only about his feelings but also about his “plans” and “intentions”. that quite doesn’t match up with what he yells at the top of his lungs during that scene, now does it? his mask’s very convincing, to be fair, so i don’t blame you. he’s gotten good at playing his part over the years, which makes sense seeing as it was always expected of him, and other people would talk for him if he didn’t do it himself.

“there are a lot of conflicts that dream has started.”

...alright? list any other ones besides the last one?

“buying his line of “only caring about unity” and “trying to prevent chaos” … he uses this many times as an excuse for his actions, and the fact that he was still excusing and justifying his actions makes me think that he still genuinely believed he was right.”

well yes, because he does believe that. he uses the excuse because it’s true. the justification isn’t right of course, but he is not lying when he says those are his motivations, which is backed up by his prior explanations as well as actions. i am not buying anything, it’s what’s become evident from analysing him that that is what he wants to achieve. it doesn’t excuse anything, but saying that’s truly his end goal isn’t incorrect.

becoming a control freak as a result of feeling the loss of control over your own circumstances isn’t equal to dehumanizing the people you’re trying to control.

he didn’t ever take george’s personal freedom. he didn’t start using attachments because he thought it was convenient. i have literally no idea where you’re getting these claims from.

“dream’s actions during exile and the vault do not look like those of a man who is trying to get better but thinks he “has” to be something. honestly, it looks like a guy on a power trip who thinks he’s god and is going to try and prove it.”

both of those are wild misinterpretation of the character. which is understandable seeing as you’ve said already you never tried to look deeper into him, but it’s incorrect nonetheless.

he was trying to get better up until the 16th, which is when the bad things that happened to him stopped going up and instead went downhill, like, really fast. alright, that metaphor probably makes no sense, but you get the point. he had stopped trying at the point of exile, is the point. but he also does think he has to be something in order to “fix” his home.

he wasn’t on a power trip at all, he didn’t have a god complex up until the prison stripped him of all his dignity and then threw an opportunity at him, and he wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. that’s an easily debunkable assumption, but, well, guess it’s easy to make.

“there is a clip in which dream says he doesn’t really care how others see him and he doesn’t care if they think he’s bad.” yeah, i know he said that a couple of times. that’s him going numb after he was affected by how others saw him for way too long, which is completely natural. again, a psychological defence mechanism. him saying that he doesn’t mind others calling him a villain or a monster and even seems to agree that his methods are villainous but has just stopped caring makes the situation all the more messed up. makes the character all the more tragic.

“it requires dream to be lying about how he feels all the time. not technically impossible, because he does not talk about emotions.” he is emotionally repressed. it’s not just “not technically impossible”, it’s likely and fits perfectly into his character arc in canon.

“and if a writer is telling their story in a way that only makes sense if you disregard everything they say, i feel like it’s not very good storytelling, unless that is the entire point and the character is based on that.”

see, you get the point here. cc!wilbur is literally the man with an arg around him that has still not been solved. why would he hand us everything on a silver platter? why would he not force us to dig deeper and look beneath what is widely accepted? he literally talks about unreliable narrators constantly poking fun at how the audience seems to take things the characters say at face value, and i’d say early c!wilbur is a prime example of that. it is good storytelling because cc!wilbur pulls it off brilliantly.

it’s also called “the metanarrative”, which is a giant focus of the dream smp if you look closer, especially during the time cc!wilbur has been writing it, especially the establishment of l’manberg where he constantly talks hypocritically on purpose (he said something along the lines of “dream, you can’t just come onto someone’s land and take it for yourself, are you an idiot?” during the early days along with other things e. g. blatant trump references “we’ll build a wall and make the mexicans pay for it”, which i find hilarious) and you know what, good for him. people not being able to tell things go deeper than their feelings is, you know, valid, but also fun to watch, and cc!wilbur’s a controlled chaotic crimeboy.

“people stood by dream. people helped him.” none of them did that for long. “dream still had a system up until the moment he isolated himself” his main support system left by themselves.

i think you’re sort of purposefully discarding a lot of things and misinterpreting the character. it also seems you’re strongly biased against c!dream, which, to be fair, the majority of the fandom is.

look, i don’t want to attack your feelings about characters. you think what you want. but i’m basing my assumptions on evidence and also try to bring up evidence when i think people are misunderstanding because i believe it’s important to know the full truth. however, i understand the desire to not change your opinions if you feel attached to your current perspective - it's a piece of entertainment, you enjoy it the way you want to. you asked about it first though, so i’m giving you my opinion. we can stop at any time if you feel like we’re not getting anywhere, i’m completely fine with that.

i don’t want to seem aggressive, but i feel like at some points we’re just going in circles. would you consider talking over discord chat (better at writing longer messages than tumblr messages) so we can tackle each problem individually in real-time? no worries if you don’t, just thought it could work rather well to get somewhere in our discussion.

also, sorry for the surely numerous typos in this reply. i didn't have the mental energy to go back and proofread.

either way, have a nice day.