#so while most of the shit i describe in this fic is fictional

[ambrosialdesire]

cacoëthes

[ PART ONE ] [ PART TWO ] [ PART THREE ]

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS + BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: s4 reiner x fem!reader word count: 12.7k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, explicit sexual content, unhealthy relationships, kidnapping mention, gore/violence, minor character death mention, usage of the word "dog" in a derogatory/offensive/mocking sense, chasing (hide-and-seek kinda), misogyny, physical assault, suicidal ideations (reader talks about dying a lot), stockholm syndrome, heavy manipulation/guilt-tripping, p*rn w/ plot, noncon/dubcon, hatefucking, mean dom reiner at first, praise & degradation, hair-pulling, slapping, forced f & m oral sex, vaginal sex, sorta missionary, slight belly-bulge mention, doggy-style, breeding (mating press), choking (sexual and nonsexual), marking, virginity loss (both of you), overstimulation (both of you), edging, dacryphilia kinda, mind-break (reader is implied to kinda lose her mind), size kink, brief tit-sucking/breast play, reiner has a short refractory period bc i said so >:), kinda aot spoilers if you haven't watched it before, all characters are 18+ synopsis: everything has fallen apart by the seams even more. reiner knows everything and you have nothing else to lose. taking your chances, you escape his clutches by slipping through liberio's alleyways but there's only a handful of buildings that can hide you before he catches you. terrified isn't the only word to describe what you were feeling and you can't imagine what he'd do to you if he gets his hands on you. a/n: finally the whorish activities begin! thank you all sm for the support for this series and my other fics! i've also reached over 1k likes in this blog and wow, i literally can't believe that my writing got this much attention in roughly 6-8 months! ik i said that i would be doing a konig fic before posting this and a hell of a lot of kinktober prompts but a bunch of shit came up irl that made it nearly impossible to have time to myself and this blog. really sorry about that but life happens unfortunately. anyways, i really ended this series off with a bang (literally) and i hope the ending is somewhat good enough. i would like to thank my friend for getting me back into aot bc without them, i wouldn't have seen the final episode nor would have made this blog. i think 6th/7th grade me would've been so surprised but feel so complete knowing that aot reached its end in the anime. thank you all again for investing and reading the cacoëthes series!! note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

It's over.

Three years of meticulous and dedicated planning were all torn away by a single bullet. What were the chances of this happening? Why did you never consider that he would kill the old man like this? He was supposed to be completely knocked out. The dosage was supposed to be enough for you to escape.

Everything was supposed to go your way.

"H-how are you even... Wh... Why did y-you..." You gripped the jacket in the middle of your chest, the air weighing heavy with every frightened breath you took. A man was dead because of you. No... because of him.

Where did he even get a gun?!

Reiner stopped aiming the rifle towards you, standing up straight while letting the gun fall to his side. There was no hint of any exhaustion from the drugs except the fact that he was heaving slowly, most likely from running. His appearance was definitely disheveled, the rain pulling down at his clothes and short hair. In the twisted crevices in your mind, you would've found it just a tiny bit attractive.

Regardless of that, you should've never underestimated him in the first place. How could you forget that he graduated second overall in the 104th Training Corps right behind Mikasa, the most terrifyingly strongest woman that matched up right to Annie’s level. You barely even reached the top twenty when you graduated, let alone the top ten.

He said nothing but raised his hand, beckoning for you to come to him as if you were some kind of lost pet. Was he joking? You shook your head and stood your ground, strands of wet hair sticking onto your skin. There was no telling whether it was the rain that caused that or the blood. He murdered an old man — he was a Marleyan traitor sure, but he was still a human — just to keep you here.

"Y/N—"

"No!" You finally snapped, the wind carrying the words that you've held back for so long. "I'm not coming home with you! I'm never going back, I'd rather die than carrying your fucking spawn!"

"You don't mean that."

How delusional can he be? Can nothing get through that stupidly thick skull of his?

"I meant Every! Single! Word! I hate you Reiner. I've always hated you! For three years, I had to put up with all of your shit! Not because I was beginning to fall for you or that you made me realize that maybe something… something in Marley was worth staying for, but because I was trying to survive. I did everything in order to live through this torment that you forced me into. So no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter who you kill," Your fists were balled up so tightly, you were sure that it had cut through the skin of your palms.

"I'll never love you."

It felt like the largest weights of the world had finally lifted off your shoulders and it took all your might to finally look him in the eyes after your confession. He bore a face of devastation, his mouth parted open and eyes wide in a state of complete shock.

You grinned, partially because you were happy to finally say something that bruised his spirit. Now that he was frozen in place and his eyes were slightly glazed over, you had to hastily figure out the controls for the boat.

As you turned away to try and get into the control room, the sound of the rifle went off once more. What the hell did he shoot at? The whistle of the bullet neared and suddenly, a sharp pain ripped through your arm. You cried out in pain, almost stumbling onto the corpse below you. In an instant, you placed your hand over the fresh wound, your undivided attention now back onto him. The rifle was back up and full aimed, faint amounts of steam coming out of the end.

Reiner shot you.

Though you were quite a distance away, you could tell that something changed in him. This was not the same man that you've just screamed all the vile profanities at. You had to get away, now. There was no time to figure out the controls, not when he's now trudging towards you at an alarming rate. You got off, nearly colliding to the ground from the rock of the boat and the slickness of the rained docks.

"Y/N!" He screamed your name out and you could hear the rage laced behind it. If he caught you, you were a dead woman. You started running, as fast as your legs could carry you. In an endless blur, you went from the docks into the empty streets of Liberio.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

You dashed left into an alleyway, almost stumbling and slipping on the smoothly cobbled streets, turning towards the farthest right that you were able to reach. Ducking down into a pile of soggy old boxes, you continue to grasp at your injured arm. You couldn't see the damage that was done but you could feel it, clenching your teeth as you ran your fingers across the wound.

You winced and cringed wordlessly as you tried to figure out how big it was and how deep the bullet went, feeling a good amount of your blood trickle down your fingers. There was no entry hole so he must've grazed you, but it was barely a miss in your opinion as it continued to gush out liquid at an alarming rate. You quickly glanced up at the storming sky, watching the lightning zip through the inky clouds before ripping a heaping chunk out of the end of your dress, timing it with the clashing clap of the thunder.

You bit down on the other part of the cloth as you tightly secured it around your wound. The effects of fatigue were finally starting to overtake you now that you had the chance to relax, the adrenaline within your veins weaning off bit by bit. With every breath you took, your lungs ached and burned unwillingly. Not to mention, your feet were definitely all cut up from scurrying around barefoot. You couldn't get tired here, not when you were running from a literal madman.

The wet stomps of boots neared and you stiffened up once more, hyper-focused on which direction it was going. It was unsettlingly still, the air suddenly feeling stuffy and murky as you held your hands against your mouth and nose. The situation felt exactly like the elevator in Trost, where groups of Titans were slowly closing in and all you could do was wait.

You tried to take in slow and steady breaths, but it was more difficult than you realized. There was a growing pressure on your chest that was making it completely strenuous in order to breathe properly, and to make matters worse, your heart was beating at an alarming rate. It had to be absurdly loud from the way you could hear it thump away at your eardrums.

"Where are you?" He trailed his voice off in a taunting manner, his breathing hard yet erratic. You could only imagine his eyes darting about in the dark, trying to pinpoint your exact location.

"I'm going to fucking find you and when I do—" The sound of a crate being kicked and smashed against the brick wall nearby made you flinch, your hands gripping onto your mouth harder as you began to shake in fear.

"Y/N, baby. I'm not gonna hurt you, honest. I'm just... losing my temper. It's your fault y'know but I didn't mean to shoot you — well, I did, what else would stop you from running too far?" The more he spoke, the more nauseous you felt. Reiner really lost his goddamn mind.

The minutes felt like hours the more he stood there trying to figure out where you've wandered off to. You closed your eyes and started to pray, as if some God would be listening to someone like you. The sounds of shuffling and a frustrated growl slowly started to fade away from your proximity, and you let out a silent shaky exhale of relief.

You felt absolutely filthy. Your clothes were torn up, you were sitting in a dirty alleyway, and blood was all over you. It's a miracle that you were even still alive right now.

If you didn't move now, he'd double back to check the areas he originally skipped over. Peeking over the boxes, you slowly got up, trying to change your position along to the sound of the thunder and wind. You peered around the corners of the alleyway, not being able to see a few feet in front of you from the sudden appearance of fog. You could use it to your advantage. Reiner didn't know where you specifically were either; there was your second advantage.

In the same alleyway you were currently in, there were other various passageways. Despite being here for so long, you haven't really memorized the layout of the internment zone. Ugh, you should have done so in the first place but you didn't really create a plan B to your escape plan. It was all going swimmingly up until that moment.

Maybe there was a way that you could retrace your steps back to the boat but you ran mindlessly, just thinking about how to get as far away from him as possible. You couldn't really think, not when he had continuous months of training and you barely had any brush up of any of your skills.

You exhaled and started walking with your body snug against the wall at a brisk pace, taking a few look backs just in case. In your mind, you had to have hope. The kind of hope that you were able to get back to the fishing docks before he could find you. Liberio was a pretty large area so it could take him a while to locate you, unless he transforms and wrecks every building in sight. That was unlikely since this was his home, but him waking up from the drugs was also unlikely and yet it still happened.

Fate was against you and so was time. When morning comes, you'll have nowhere to hide and there was the possibility that Reiner would alert the militia that a threatening "rogue" Eldian was wandering the streets. All you could rely on was yourself and hopefully that could be all you needed.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

Lost.

You were lost.

You thought that if you just kept wandering around, then you'd end up in a street that you'd recognize and use it to get to the docks, but there was jack shit. Everything looked the same: the windows, the walls, the streets. The fog was starting to get on your nerves as well, the rain was able to loosen up but the haze was still blocking most of your vision.

Were you stuck in hell?

The good thing was that you hadn't heard any boots anywhere nearby so you definitely had to be a safe distance away from Reiner. A warm dribble ran down your arm, causing you to halt. The laceration was still bleeding, the cloth now a darker shade of red than before. It was to the point where it was steadily dripping down your fingertips and onto the stones. If you died from blood loss before getting on the boat, it would be better than nothing.

"C'mon me. You've been through worse," You mumbled quietly to yourself as you tore another piece off from the dress, tying it over the soaked one. "You're almost there."

It had to be past midnight by now, time felt like it was working differently once you became lost. Like clockwork, you began moving once more. You had no other choice in the matter, any more hesitation and you'd get caught. Everything felt like it was at its complete limit than before but you had to push through, for your sake.

If you got out of here, you swore to be a better person. You'd be more hesitant, more calloused towards others. Back in Paradis, your kindness was the literal death of you. You held too much trust in others and look where it got you, married to an insane man who's been fucking up your life since day one when the breach occurred in Wall Maria. You were merely a puppet in the hands of Reiner and it wasn't fair.

When the Armored Titan ran through the Shiganshina District, the rubble that came from it pulverized your family. That marked the very moment where you became an orphan. A child to no one.

There were no final goodbyes, there was nothing. You didn't even get to see them brutally pass either. When you dashed home after the Colossal Titan kicked the wall in, you came upon the discovery that your house was completely crushed, fresh crimson splattered everywhere. Would that have made you feel better? Seeing them lose their lives right in front of you?

You don't even remember how you got on one of the escape boats, everything was a faded blur. As the boat sailed out of Shiganshina, you knew deep in your heart that if you had gotten home sooner from the market right before the Colossal Titan came, you would've died with them and that would be it.

You wouldn't have the unwavering decision to join the training corps the moment you became of age. You wouldn't have been matched up and sparring with Reiner for the first time just because Instructor Shadis wanted you to have a challenge. You wouldn't have been saved from him during the Trost disaster. You wouldn't have befriended both him and Bertolt afterwards, acting like the three of you were the bestest of friends. You wouldn't have been shipped off to Marley like a piece of precious stone that he had caught sight of. You wouldn't be in this complicated and hectic situation in the first place.

Placing a hand on your face, you realized that tears had started to wet your cheeks. When did you start crying? How long has it been since the last time you've cried this much? It was back when you had that fight with Porco, wasn’t it? He’d call you a crybaby if he saw you right now. Besides that, how long has it been since you've contemplated your past to the point where you started crying about it again? A soft hiccup left your lips and you sniffed, wiping the tears away with your hands.

You wondered if your parents would be proud of you for trying to escape the very person that took away their lives. Your older sister and brother could be cheering you on and that's why you're still standing despite the many things that happened to you. Afterall, they've always wanted the best for you. Your little brother would be telling you that if you gave up now, he'd take all of your favorite candies and toys and play without you. You wrapped your arms around you and sobbed, heavy tears dripping down your nose and jaw.

Reiner took all that pure love from you without even knowing and tried to replace it with a festering rot, something that he thinks is love. He betrayed you over and over again, misconstruing everything that you've done for him as the desires and pursuits of romance. Nothing in the world can redeem what he has done to you, he created too many shattered pieces.

As you finally looked up through your tear-blurred vision, the fog began to part to the point where you were able to see through it. You wiped your eyes, in disbelief in what you saw. It couldn't be, could it? Piled up boats. Ocean. The dock.

You… did it? You did it. You did it!

The soreness in your body felt suddenly a million times better as you ran forwards, the air in your lungs feeling even more fresher than before. Your eyes ran through the various ships, trying to find Mr. Kraus' as fast as you could. Adrenaline pumped through you when you spotted the lantern at the edge, almost cheering loudly in the night. You stepped slowly aboard, trying to ignore the fact that the captain was still lying dead on the deck.

Crouching down, you placed two fingers over his eyelids and shut them close. His body had long gone cold but you felt absolutely awful. At least he was with his son again.

Should you... bring him along for the ride? You'd probably dump the body once you were more at sea but it was only fair. He was able to give you this chance of escape and the most you could do for him now was to take him to a place where no one would bother him anymore.

You rummaged carefully through his pockets, finding a key located in his chest. There was a photo of his son and him connected to it, so you decided to remove it and tuck the picture back into his jacket pocket. "Thank you Mr. Kraus. For everything."

Entering the control room, you felt like a completely new woman. Under the darkness of the night, you struggled to locate where the key was supposed to be inserted. You've never operated machinery this complicated before or rather, any machinery. ODM gear and the kitchen appliances were the closest you’ve ever learned about that was a machine. Reiner never bought a car, he was probably worried that you'd use it to escape or because a woman wasn't able to drive one. They were pricey too, his warrior salary was pretty good but not good enough to buy one of them.

Fumbling around for a bit, you finally inserted it into something that felt like it was fit for a key and twisted, the instrument panel lighting up and the boat roaring to life. Letting out a light laugh of relief, your focus was now on how to make it go forwards. There were a bunch of levers and buttons, most of them not labeled or containing numbers that made your head spin. Well, there was this big red lever so it must be indicating that it was the forward—

A large arm wrapped around your throat behind you, utter horror and anguish shooting through your body as your thoughts were completely interrupted. They squeezed hard around your neck and pulled you back roughly, making you gag and involuntarily fall backwards towards the violator. You could only assume the worst on who it was.

Your nails dug deeply into his rigid muscle as you desperately tried to escape, your vision beginning to form dark spots from the lack of oxygen. No... no! This can't end here! You've gotten so fucking far, you're not about to lose now.

You reared your foot back into his knee, hearing him cry out in pain and loosen up around your neck. Dropping one arm from clawing apart the skin, you elbowed as hard as you could into his stomach. He didn't let go and you kept hitting, letting out a flurry of choked out curses at him until he finally released you. Falling to the ground, you grasped at your throat, sharply coughing up and heaving as you tried to breathe properly again.

"FUCK! You... You still got it." He coughed a few times, a grin forming on his face.

"It took me a whi... a while to find where you went, but then I saw the blood trail you left behind and saw... that you were heading back to the dock. Terrible decision to be honest." Reiner was out of breath too, probably because you beat the shit out of his stomach and chest trying to free yourself. Steam was rising off of him though so he'd be fine in a matter of minutes while you still struggled to get a good word in.

"But it's the end of the line, no more running. We're going home."

"I'm... I-I'm not going." You managed to blurt out before coughing again but you knew you couldn't move any longer, everything was starting to hurt again.

"Don't you get it? There's nothing for you in Paradis, you only have me." Reiner crouched to your level, resting his hand on your shoulder just like he did back when you were still soldiers. Why was he acting like he was still this merciful and kind knight? He was far from it.

"I'll carry you and clean you up, don't worry."

You spat on his face, watching the liquid dribble down his face as you scowled. "I'm not going anywhere with you, you fucking dog."

It was an abrupt pain.

He raised a hand and struck you, hard. Hard enough to almost make you black out from the sheer force. Hard enough to have the dark spots in your vision make its reappearance.

The side where he hit you made your ear ring and every inch of your cheek had a lingering sting. You could taste the hint of iron on your tongue as you turned your head back to look at him. He was infuriated, more so than when you tried poisoning him. Oh, so that's what pisses him off.

"Don't you fucking dare call me that."

You spat the blood out of your mouth, beginning to giggle like a fool.

"Why? Isn't that what you exactly are? Cause your dear Marleyan daddy didn't love your poor devil mommy enough to stay for either of you."

Reiner struck you again with the same amount of force and you started laughing aloud, feeling more blood trickle down and into your mouth. Maybe the blood loss was making you spiral out of control. Who cares? Everything was starting to fade and go all static-like so who cares what's coming out of your mouth right now.

You started to slump down to the ground unwillingly, the world feeling woozy and cold. Your burning limbs were on the brink of snapping off from moving too much this past evening that you could no longer support yourself. He stopped you from collapsing any further however, holding you against him as if he hadn't previously slapped the literal soul out of you.

If you died here, you'd die not being held by him. Weakly, you tried pushing yourself out of his arms but didn't budge an inch. He leaned close to your ear, bushing strands away from it. You weren't able to hear what he said, losing consciousness the minute he began to speak.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

You wished everything was still a dream. To no surprise, you awoke back at home on the bed, completely cleaned and patched up. You were no longer wearing the filthy dress and jacket, rather you were in a nightgown; not in your most provocative one luckily. It absolutely ached — even to just hardly shift around — so you didn't bother punishing yourself that much, only barely moving your head here and there.

The first thing you noticed after your eyes adjusted was the coverings of your injuries. Your arm gun wound was wrapped up in bandages and there were smaller dressings around your feet; damn, he really took care of you while you were still passed out. The next thing you noticed was how Reiner wasn't in the room, probably preoccupied with something. Right, he had to leave for another battle.... today? What time was it? What day was it?

You turned your head towards the closet, seeing that it was pried completely open, the hinges nearly torn off the wall. He probably hid the rifle in there for years and you've never noticed it, even when you were hiding something in there too. Everything was knocked over as if he was in a panic trying to find it and you weakly sat up to see the casualties of the items in there, your heart sinking down in your stomach as you saw the shoebox knocked over and the contents inside being completely empty. He knows, he had to.

At that moment, the door swung open and you winced trying to fall back down on the bed to pretend that you were still sleeping. It was pointless however, he already entered before you could close your eyes.

"You're awake. Morning— er... Good evening actually." From what you can barely see from the hallway light, Reiner had a bowl of soup in one hand and the journal — your journal — in the other. Can this get any worse?

"It's been four days—"

"Four?!" You shot up, wincing as your muscles pulled themselves taut. He settled the soup bowl down on the nightstand, turned on the lamp, and pushed you back down on the bed, hushing you like you were some kid. "Why are you still here then? Aren't you supposed to fight in another stupid self-war?"

"I told my superiors that you severely injured yourself to the point where you weren't able to move. I didn't tell them that you were trying to escape because they would've taken you away from me, luck is once again on your side." He lightly laughed as if it was some funny joke.

"Anyways, since you didn't have family here and my family refused to take care of you, I told them that I wanted to stay until you got better. After that, I'll do whatever they want me to do. You can call this an extended vacation." He explained and you wanted to throw yourself off of the building right now.

"Can't you just kill me already?" You groaned in anguish and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"No can do, I love you too much to do that."

"Well I don't love you."

"I know. I've been reading this little book of yours when I woke up from that trick of yours and stumbled across it," He shook it in his hands and opened it to a random page, your face contorting to panic. "Nearly three years of extensively written details about how much you hate me."

"Reiner—"

"Here's a passage from last year on July 5th: Reiner's downstairs right now so I'll make this quick. He asked me again about children, well not really asked, alluded to the fact that he wants them. There was some kids playing outside, kicking around a ball, and he said that he wished that we had a child to join them. I didn't say anything in reply. But I can't take it anymore, I have to get out of here. A child between us would be detrimental to my sanity, I couldn't bring myself to love it. Not when it's a part of him." His voice was cold as he read and you couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

He went on to read more pages, paragraphs of you talking about wanting to kill him, the failed methods you had planned, the whole plan between Mr. Kraus and you. Did you feel embarrassed that he finally found out that you were acting or humiliated that everything went wrong? You heard the noise of flipping pages and he cleared his throat.

"This was the final thing you wrote in this. I'll skip the beginning since it's not the main point I want you to hear." Your eyes widened and shot up, your hand darting painfully to grab the journal from him. He can read anything, anything but that excerpt. He stepped back and you fell off the bed with a heavy thump, a strangled out cry coming out of you. Your arms shook as you attempted to push yourself up, but he kicked you back down to the floor and placed a sturdy boot down on the middle of your back. You yelled out to him to stop — to stop reading the very secrets you kept from him — your voice starting to go hoarse.

"...If you, Reiner, find this when I'm long gone, know that I've always hated you. I've always been sickened by your touch and your kisses, I never meant any of those I love yous, and I've always wished you died horribly during the times you went off to those battles. I wanted to receive a letter or be told personally that you were killed in action, shot down by the cannons that were able to pierce through your armor." Reiner dug his heel into you, an agonizing shriek being pulled out of your beaten body.

"I'd weep, not of sadness but of joy because I would be finally be free from your clutches. Whatever you thought you taught me in order to be your perfect spouse, I was playing a role in order to survive this insanity of yours. I never loved you and I never will. Don't try to go back to Paradis to find me. You would have to bring back my dead body in order to bring me back to Marley." This was a complete and utter nightmare.

"I treated you to a life of safety, I took care of you when you were sick and injured. I didn't have sex with you because I wanted to respect your space. I fed you, clothed you, I did everything. I put you on a pedestal all because I love you." He dug deeper into your spine, your nails scraping into the wood.

"And this is what I get in return? An ungrateful little bitch who'd rather be ripped apart by Pure Titans than love me. A fucking whore that bats her eyes at a different man while calling the man she's married to a dog."

You gritted your teeth as hot tears poured down your face. "Yeah, that's right. I'd rather die horribly against a Titan if it meant that I'd never be with you. I'd fuck Porco if I could, I would do it behind your back if I wanted to too. Out of everyone you chose in Paradis, you married the one that was too much trouble. That's what Hoover said about me, right?"

His foot finally came off your back, letting you finally breathe, until he crouched down and pushed you up against the side of the bed, holding you there. Reiner was pissed beyond belief, teeth bared at you. "He did. He did and even if he was right, I didn't care because I thought I could change you."

"But you never were able to, you failed. Nothing you can do can change how I feel about you. But what can I expect—" Your narrowed eyes met with his, seeing the conflicted anger bubble in his brown irises. A small smug smirk grew on your face, your head tilting off to the side tauntingly.

"A dog will always be a dog."

A singular hand wrapped around your neck in a flash, the sheer force making you gag as he cut off your air flow once more. You fought back, trying to pull off his arm with both of your hands around his forearm. Small little sparks flickered off of him, fear melting into your expression. If you weren't imagining it, that would've meant that he was ready to turn. If you so much as put the smallest scratch on him, he'd transform. He'd kill everyone in the vicinity because of you.

" 'M s... s-sorry." You strangled out and he finally let you go, watching you fall back onto the ground. Your neck had to be bruised from getting violently choked all the damn time.

"If that's how you see me, fine. I'll just fuck you like one since that's all you see me as."

What?! Did you hear him right? That was literally the last thing you wanted! And maybe that's why he's resorting to it, the sick fucker.

The sound of a belt unbuckling caught your attention and you panicked, quickly pushing him away and attempted to retreat by crawling. Everything in your body still sorely burned but it was better than getting your virginity taken. He grabbed you by the ankle and pulled you back, making you shriek in surprise. Before standing up, he placed you back in your original position, making you sit on the ground right in front of him with your head against the side of the mattress.

"I should've done this right from the start." Reiner sneered, pulling out his partially-hard dick from the confines of the dark uniform pants he wore. Your eyes widened at the sight of it, thighs and mouth clenching tightly as if they were suddenly glued together. On numerous awkward occasions and the night of the Porco incident, you've felt it up against you but never seen it like this; the only time you ever seen a dick was diagrams of it in class during the training corps.

But this monster!? No fucking way that thing of his would fit anywhere inside your body. It was stupidly thick, his hand loosely wrapped around the veiny shaft as he slowly stroked himself hard directly in front of you. The tip towards the midpart of his cock was slightly flushed a soft pink and when he tugged back the skin for you to see, the tip was actually a rosy color. You couldn't even bring yourself to describe how hefty his balls were as they rested on the outside of his pants.

Reiner's heart was thumping hard as he jerked himself right in front of your face, his cheeks burning up as your owlish eyes stared at it. Was it that fascinating? This was terribly embarrassing for him — he was still a virgin too and this was technically the first time he's done anything sexual in your conscious presence — but you've led him on for years, this was punishment for the cruel lies you've fed.

He let out a quiet, shaky breath when he showed you the tip, your curious eyes still observing him. God, the two of you should've done this way back in the honeymoon. Maybe this wasn't the way he wanted each other's first times to be, but he would be lying if your stubbornness wasn't completely making him hard right now.

Once it was completely at full mast, you were pretty sure it was bigger than the length of your face. This was a threat, a danger to your body.

"Open." You glared at him and shook your head in refusal, even going so far to put your hands over your mouth. Who the hell does he think he is? He scoffed, his free hand grabbing the hair at the back of your head and jerking it back roughly. Asshole.

"Open. Or else."

You rolled your eyes at him, removing one hand as if you were complying. Instead, you put your middle finger up and smugly smiled under your other hand. He frustratingly growled under his breath and pulled at your hair again, holding onto it this time around until your scalp began to sting. You started slapping and hitting at his thigh to make him stop, carefully trying to avoid touching it. If this went any longer, he'd probably sever your scalp from your skull. But he refused to let go, waiting until you took off your hand and replaced it with him.

"Alright! I'll fucking do it! Just stop!" Screaming into your hand, you finally unwillingly gave in after the pain got too much for you but hesitated to even lay a finger on it. He loosened his grip but still held onto your hair, lightly caressing it between his fingers.

He was still holding it in one hand so you put your hands on his thighs and nervously leaned in. Closing your eyes shut, you shakily placed the tip in between your lips. It was warmer than you thought, a sticky substance staining your lips as you began to pull away. Was that satisfying enough for him? Absolutely not. Unbeknownst to you, he had other plans, unexpectedly shoving his cock through and bottoming out completely.

Your eyes shot open as you gagged badly, trying to wiggle out of his grip and recoiling your head backwards against the mattress. Panic ran through your body as he refused to let go, only pushing in impossibly deeper down your throat. This wasn't meant to be in your mouth, much less shoved completely down your throat without care. You resorted to try and settle down, breathing through your nose in panicked bursts. If you threw up on him, he'd probably pull out but if he didn't, you'd choke on your own vomit.

An audible groan came out of him once everything was in and he clenched at your hair. Reiner partially felt sorry for doing this to you but he couldn't resist when he watched you basically give a cute little kiss on his tip. He tilted his head to the side, experimentally thrusting in short bursts and watching your reaction. The inside of your mouth was insanely hot and you kept vocally protesting, sending vibrations down and against his dick. You kept constantly moving, almost bobbing your head back and forth along with his light prodding, persistently trying to get him out. He felt your tongue stroking against the bottom of his shaft, a shiver going down his spine.

Your tear-stricken gaze looked up at him, inadvertently begging him to free you from this but he only felt himself become even more stiff. Shit, he could cum right there and now. It felt too good for him to take it out just because you were suffocating, you deserved all of this after all.

Tears began to fall down your cheeks as he kept his cock locked in, your jaw already aching from being pried open for so long. You tried biting down but the sheer thickness made it quite literally impossible. You didn't want to die suffocating on his dick, what a humiliating headstone that would be. Here lies Y/N Braun: Beloved daughter and wife, died being forced to appease her husband sexually since she wasn't able to escape Marley fast enough.

Reiner suddenly started to let out soft grunts and forcibly pushed you closer from the back of your head with both hands, your face flushed against his lower half. Something viscously warm went down your throat in inconsistent spurts, eyes widening in shock as you were forced to swallow the liquid. What the fuck, did he just—!?

Copious amounts of drool and still-warm cum spilled out as he finally pulled out, the fluids dribbling down your chin as you started coughing up a lung. The taste was unlike anything you had before, meshing from a dull salty to a bearable bittersweet flavor. To your horror, he was still hard, twitching right in front of you as pearl-like beads of white ran down his length. Weren't men supposed to go soft afterwards?

Reiner didn't say anything, only panting before crouching down to your level. You shot a glare at him as you rubbed your throat, heaving slowly. Unlike you, his large pupils were blown out with lustful possession and he dove in to kiss you, ignoring the fact that he was consuming his own fluids intermingled with your saliva.

You fought back, teeth hitting teeth. It only egged him on however, pushing you against the bedside as he continued to ravage your mouth, biting down on your bottom lip. An involuntary gasp slipped out and he pushed his tongue in, the muscle brushing against yours. You could barely breathe, completely overwhelmed with everything that was happening to you.

Large hands grabbed at your hips and pulled you closer to his lower half, your body twitching at the sudden movement. You went to shove him off while he was distracted sucking your face off, but he barely pulled away to let the two of you breathe. He rested his forehead against yours, eyes locked on each other as the two of you drew in intense, erratic breaths.

"Can Porco kiss you like that?"

You were rendered speechless, Reiner suddenly picking you up from the ground. You didn't fight him when he did, already exhausted and still shellshocked from what he had asked. He laid you down on your back but your legs still dangled off the bed, confusion forming in your expression. His figure shadowed over you, the lamp barely illuminating his features.

He thought you were still so pretty despite becoming a mess that he caused, your eyes still glimmering in uncertainty. Since you've graciously let him accidentally ejaculate in your mouth, he had to return the favor to you, even if he was still angry at you. Tonight was the night to do absolutely everything, even if you still hated him at the end. He'll change your feelings towards him no matter what, even if he reached the end of his Titan's inheritance.

He dropped down in front of you, lifting up one of your legs and started placing short kisses down your calf to your inner thigh. It was sorta ticklish, partially because of his stubble, until he started needily sucking and licking the skin. You bit down on your tongue, tired of giving any satisfaction of whether something he did was pleasurable to you. He won't win, not this time around.

He reached for your other leg as he dropped the other on his shoulder, and repeated his actions, biting down when he was close to your womanhood. You winced at the pain, trying to push his face away with your hand. But before you could, Reiner pulled away and you swore you saw your blood stained on his teeth before he licked it away.

"What are you—" You inhaled sharply as a finger tentatively prodded against your covered hole, face immediately erupting in heat.

"You're wet." Reiner bluntly stated as he withdrew it, a string of your fluids still attached. He was just as surprised as you were. He didn't even do anything to you yet, unless you liked getting your throat stuffed with every inch of him. His cock twitched impatiently underneath him, no longer drenched with your saliva and his cum.

"W-wait that can't be, I-I..." You fumbled around your words, utterly lost on what was happening to your body. You tried to sit up but he started to tug your nightgown upwards, alarms setting off in your ears. You couldn't be attracted to this, to him.

"Hold on. R-Reiner st... stop—" You were cut short when he pressed two of his fingers back onto the dampened cloth, slowly beginning to rub up and down. One hand shot up to your mouth, swallowing down any little moans that tried to escape. The pleasurable shivers from the last time he fondled you were back, a shudder going down your spine.

Reiner wanted more, almost ripping the fabric off. But he restrained himself, no matter how much his dick was begging to be touched or be inside of you. He pulled them off, weaving it through your legs before you could protest and enveloped his mouth in-between your slickened folds. He groaned heavily against you, eyes almost rolling to the back of his head. You tasted so sweet, better than he had ever imagined in his mind. He began to lap up the liquids that continued to gush out with every stir of his tongue, your thighs squishing his head.

He could die a happy man now that he finally had a taste of you.

You shivered as his tongue teased around your hole, greedily licking up your arousal that continued to spill out. The hand against your mouth clenched into a fist and your fingers ached as they gripped the sheets underneath you tightly, head throwing back as he began to attentively suck on your hardened clit. Why the hell was he so good? It was impossible to think that he learned this from someone else.

Unconsciously, you pushed your hips more towards his face and bucked when he laid his tongue flat against you. Soft moans started to slip out along with your panting, the fuzzy pleasure getting to your head. His hands grabbed the meat of your thighs and forced you to stay open, his grip tightening if you tried to close them. This shouldn't feel so good, betrayal whispering in every cell of your brain.

"Reiner," A pathetic whimper of his name came out of your mouth before you could stop it. He looked up at you, still dragging his tongue from your entrance to the hardened nub. "Please, please stop, s-something doesn't feel right."

He ignored you per usual, as if anything you say now would change anything, but his eyes never left yours. There was a sort of pressure building up around your lower half and it was terrifying, you didn't know what was going to transpire. As if he knew what was happening, the pacing of his tongue quickened, your hand shooting up and grabbing his hair. The sensation was too much for you to handle. As you tried to tug him away from your pussy, he moaned against you, a shot of pleasure running through you.

You were close, he could tell from how much you desperately started to ride against his tongue, his nose nudging against your clit with every little flinch. The influx of juices that were leaking out started to even become more apparent. You couldn't hide it, you loved him pleasuring you. He would've been willing to do this for you whenever you asked, all you had to do was let him into your heart. As much as he wanted you to suffer, he's a kind man, he'll let you release in his mouth. Without hesitation, Reiner started to rub your clit with his fingers as he tongue-fucked your entrance, feeling your walls clench around the muscle.

Your involuntary moans became louder until your orgasm hit you fast and hard, your back arching as blinding white stars filled your vision. Your body shuddered and rode against his face, your hand accidentally gripping his hair too hard and pulling him close to your pussy. It felt like you were knocked dizzy as if he had struck you once more, panting heavily as you came down from that giddy high bit by bit. He finally pulled away but still was lazily rubbing your clit, your body quivering with every teasing rotation.

"You did so good baby, you're so good." Reiner quietly praised, placing a wet kiss on your thigh. You couldn't say anything in reply, still completely drained out of everything. He removed his fingers away and got up, your body lightly twitching from the loss of contact.

You had to watch him remove his shirt, heart skipping as you saw the ripples of muscle you've avoided to look at for years. God, you missed out on a lot. His chest was beefier than you expected, only feeling it against you through his hugs and the occasional times that you've accidentally touched them.

He pushed down his pants further, almost completely bare from what you were able to see. There was a trail of slightly dark blonde hair above the base of his dick, the wisps of it stopping below his belly button. The sound of thuds from his boots followed suit and were shoved aside with his foot. Terror began to claw out through the warm haze as he pulled you more to the edge by your hips and started to line his cock up to your entrance, the fat tip nearing your hole as he held onto one of your thighs to keep you open.

"W-Wait Reiner, it's not going to fit!" You begged, the realization finally hitting. You were going to get destroyed by him. If you finally got fucked, there was no going back. There was a chance that you were never going to be the same person ever again afterwards.

"I don't care, I'm fucking you whether or not it fits." He lowly growled, his personality doing a complete turnaround suddenly. You tried struggling, hands shooting up to his chest and pushing, digging your nails into his stupidly meaty pecs as he ignored you. Your legs were wildly kicking around in protest from a sudden shot of adrenaline, but the hand on your thigh had squeezed you to the point where you thought he would rip your flesh right off if you kept fighting him. There was no way out of this anymore, complete and utter hopelessness settling in the pit of your stomach as you finally gave into his desire.

He pushed the uncut tip in through your folds, a pained whine coming out of you as he continued to stretch you out. It burned as he slowly and completely sheathed himself in you, hot tears falling down your cheeks. He was simply too big for your poor body to handle, unused to anything being inside. You uncontrollably tightened around him, almost hyperventilating from the pain.

"Reiner it hurts, take it out please!" You cried out and tried to move off of it, only meeting with painful throbs in your gaped cunt. The hand that held you open went to your hip and kept you steady, still speared around his cock.

Reiner used his free hand and wiped your tears away, licking his thumb afterwards. Was that supposed to be some form of dull comfort? What a jerk, punishing you like this. A few more agonizing seconds went by and he experimentally rolled his hips against you, a gasp shooting out of you as you felt the tip briefly press against your cervix.

You started pleading with a mantra of his name, teary eyes inspecting his, searching for some sort of penitence. There was nothing, nothing but a burning fire of anger. It was your fault that it had gotten this far, the rage blinding him to go through this sort of tortuous action.

Maybe if you let him do you once before, he would've been satiated from the start.

He was holding himself back, feverish gummy walls clenching onto his cock like a vise. You were babbling like an idiot from the slightest movement, saying his name as if it was the only thing that was keeping you from going mad. He thought that it was cute how you started shortening his name to only Rei, he'd never heard that before.

"Did you forget how much you hate my guts? How much you'd rather die than get fucked by me, a dog?" Reiner finally spoke, taunting as he began to rub your clit, watching how your head rolled back into the messed up sheets in complete submission.

"Fuck. I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You whimpered out a quick apology, the same build-up of pressure forming in the pit of your stomach. Why were you apologizing? You never felt the slightest bit of pity for this man before, but you'd do anything for him to get this thing out of you as soon as possible.

"Rei, I'm sorry. I really am. You're not — ah — you're not a dog. Y-you're not. T-take it out please, you're too big."

"Sorry doesn't fix what you said." He felt you clench up, pulling him in deeper. He started to pick up his pace, embarrassing squelching sounds of your sopping pussy becoming louder as he started to steadily pound into you. Reiner watched with every heavy thrust he made, your stomach would slightly bulge out. He almost laughed at the sight, he really is too big for you.

"Reiner—"

"Sorry doesn't fix what you wrote." You couldn't stop yourself from crying out as he ceaselessly bobbed back and forth, the stretch becoming less and less painful the more he fucked you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he hit a particular spot within you, core squeezing. He took notice from how your muscles tightened around him, beginning to angle himself to only hit that specific area, a towering pleasure enveloping your insides. This cursed man and his godforsaken attentiveness.

"Rei—"

You couldn't hold back your moans any longer, the constant stimulation on your clit and within your pussy was undeniably too good for your body to ignore.

"Sorry doesn't fix three years of lies." Reiner pushed himself in roughly, his lower half flushed against yours and you immediately fell apart, wanton moans following as you came on his cock in short spasms. His hand gripped your hip in an achingly rigid fashion as your walls fluttered, trying to milk him for all he's worth.

Disgust began to crawl in and you turned your head away from him as the euphoria fogged up your thoughts once more. He didn't stop despite you already finishing, short little whimpers escaping you as you felt his veiny shaft continuously bully your oversensitive walls. He leaned in and forced you to face him once more, kissing you hard but slow. Your arms wrapped around him suddenly, your hands clawing down into his back. He winced against your mouth and bit down on your lip in return, a painful cry slipping out as you pulled away for air.

Reiner dove back to kiss you, barely giving you any second to recuperate. Your moans muffled against his mouth as you came again without warning, wrapping your legs around his waist at the same time as you unintentionally pulled his torso closer to yours with your arms. He let out a soft groan against your lips and you felt a burning warmth fill your insides up, devastation immediately filling your mind.

This was it. Everything that you've worked so hard for in order to prevent this scenario had crumbled to pieces. Was it really worth it to even try in the first place? You despised him, you hated his entire being so much.

You then realized that he hadn't pulled out, vaguely feeling that he was still hard but his pace going back to a slow rock. You were so exhausted and so sensitive, what more did he want out of you?

He could see that you were already getting weaker, slow and heavy breaths against his chest. Your pussy was still so warm and tight that his mouth nearly watered as he leisurely fucked you at a snail's pace. He needed more, needed more of you.

While still sheathed inside, Reiner lifted you up further into the middle of the bed and slowly turned you around, making you hold yourself up on your hands and knees. As much as your limbs burned and ached, every light movement he made within you had you twitch and gasp, grasping at the sheets beneath your palms. He carefully removed your nightgown, weaving it through your arms and head with little resistance and threw it somewhere in the room. You didn't try to hide your bare body from him anymore, flinching as you felt him lean over and lovingly kiss down from your nape to your back. For some reason, that pained you even more.

"You wanted a dog," Reiner's voice gruffly whispered into your ear, your eyes widening as his hips began to move away from yours. "So I'll give you a dog."

He completely pulled himself out of your pussy and sheathed it back in all at once, the thickness filling up your insides. You cried out in shock, almost barely noticing the fact that his inhumanely stiff cock was no longer hurting you but instead flooding your body with an undeniable pleasure. His hands gripped the side of your hips once more, setting a brutal pace that nearly had you start drooling.

With this new position that Reiner put you in, it felt like his cock was pushing impossibly deeper with every aggressive stroke and the oversensitivity had caused your gummy walls to keep squeezing along with his thrusts. Your arms were shaking even more, barely able to keep yourself up on your hands.

"Fuck baby, you're squeezing me so much." He groaned and from his tone, you knew he had the smuggest grin on his stupid face.

"Almost makes me think that you like getting fucked in this position." Reiner's warm body leaned against your back and one of his hands left your hip, wrapping itself around your throat and forcing you to make eye contact with him.

You were right — he was smiling like an idiot — a faint sheen of sweat laid on the skin of his face, small beads rolling down. From the lamp's light, you could see that he was flushed pink, similar to when he began to get alcohol into his system. Little did you know that he was pussy-drunk, obsessed in the way you squeezed down on his shaft with every thrust he did, trying so desperately to look like you weren't enjoying this when your body was saying otherwise.

"For someone that says that she hates me, you sure are taking me so well." He cooed, his teeth biting down on the corner of his lip.

"F-fuck you." You barely managed to say those words with his hand choking you but he finally let go, strands of hair falling into your face. Reiner chuckled to himself while placing his hand on the midst of your back, pushing you down until your chest was pressed against the bedding and your ass facing up.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Both of his hands resumed back onto the peaks of your hips and he started plunging his cock into you at an alarming rate. The unwavering pattern of wet slaps of skin-on-skin contact paired with the sounds of his heavy breathing and your short gasps started to make your head spin. Reiner's hands were squeezing your hips so tightly as he continued to ravage your drenched and dribbling hole, you were sure that his handprints left their mark behind.

It was animalistic and you could feel yourself slowly losing to the carnality of it all. In a matter of minutes without realizing it, you began to rock yourself back and forth to match up to his thrusts. Does it really matter anymore? Might as well enjoy it as much as you can.

"Hah— You wanna cum?" His hand slipped around, his fingers dawdling around your swollen clit, not quite putting pressure on it but enough to where it made you desperate.

You nodded quickly against the mattress and a sharp strike on your ass was given, your body jolting from the suddenness of it.

"Use your words." He teased and you swallowed your pride, tilting your head to the side.

"I wanna — ngh — I wanna c-cum." You mumbled quietly only to retrieve another strike to your ass, the flesh jiggling under his palm. His pace slowed back down, the pressure within you slowly fading away. No, no, no. You were almost there. You attempted to buck back on his cock in an urgent fashion but he held you still, frustration bubbling in your mind.

"Louder." His fingers traced over the welts and bruises on your skin, a shiver going down your spine. "Louder and I'll give you what you want."

You forgot that he was torturing you. This whole thing that he started was a punishment but the way his words and his light touches immediately went down to your cunt, you couldn't help but feel your body betray your mind. It felt too embarrassing to repeat until the fingers on your clit pressed down with more pressure and started to rapidly circle around the nub.

Why was he doing this? Part of you could care less, not when you could feel yourself getting close again. You moaned, grinding against his movements as if any apprehension that you once had before never existed in the first place. Close, you were getting so close once more and then he abruptly stopped, the pads of his fingertips slipping out from in-between your puffy lips.

You looked back at him with almost glassy eyes, a crushing disappointment bubbling in your throat. "W-what?! Why'd you stop?"

Reiner only smiled, as if he had done no harm. "What do you want again baby? I'm sorry, it slipped my mind."

Is... is he serious? No, he had to be joking. The cruel bastard was building you up, only to make you dissatisfied. Dissatisfied and wanting more. You bit the side of your tongue.

"I want you to make me cum." The familiar feeling of his hand hitting your ass again had your skin begin to throb, a pained cry escaping you. "P-Please."

"So polite are we?" You could feel the pads of his fingertips near your clit once more but his cock started to slip out of you, every slow inch of his veiny shaft sliding out of your walls left you breathless. He barely left the tip in you, mixed essences from the both of you beginning to slowly spill out and down your inner thighs. "But I didn't quite catch that."

From there, over and over, Reiner built you up towards your impending climax, only to pause when you were right about to burst. It was like he knew you were almost about to get there, as if he was some kind of prophet. His fingers were wet with slick and cum, and you were acutely aware of his cockhead tormentingly moving in and out of your hole with little to no movement.

Your body was trembling, not from the exhaustion anymore, and a complete haze of lust and desire sunk its claws deep into the crevices of your mind. How much longer would he play this game of his? You knew he was holding himself back, tormenting himself from the satisfaction he was seeking for the entire night. As his fingers slipped away from your swollen cunt for the umpteenth time in a row, all of a sudden, something inside you cracked.

"Reiner, please please I wanna cum. I-I need to cum. God, just fuck me already!" You cried out, grinding your lower half against his for any sort of stimulation in absolute delirium. Reiner felt your hand try to slip him back into you, but only resulting in his cock messily slipping through and clumsily bumping against your clit. You whined in mute anger but still rubbed yourself against the stiff shaft, making do with what you were given.

He was thrown off from how quickly you folded to his request, almost freezing at the sight. To see you in such an achingly frantic state was everything that he didn't know he needed. His poor, poor wife, maddened by the desire and pleasure. You missed out for years due to your pathetic vows to abstain from any sexual contact from him and now that you've gotten a taste, you became immediately addicted to the feeling. To him. How cruel it was for him to keep you away from his cock, his heart aching as tears begin to fall down your beautiful face. Oh how can he stay mad at you?

After all, he can never say no to his beloved wife.

As promised, he started putting more pressure as he rubbed your clit, sheathing his dick quickly inside of your hole. You've never felt such relief in your life, walls squeezing and welcoming his thickness in with every greedy plunge.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckkkk..." You mindlessly drawled out curses into the wrinkled sheets and he muttered jokingly about something about you being so foul-mouthed but who the hell cares? A smile grew on your face until you saw white stars, searingly coming undone once more around his shaft. You could feel his tip press against your cervix, your figure stiffening and jerking against him with every quick spasm. His heavy body leaned over against your back, mouth enveloping the crook of your neck and biting down as he came with you, hot spurts of cum filling up your womb even more.

Unlike the other three times you came this evening, this orgasm ripped through your body. You might as well have blacked out from the blinding ecstasy.

You could barely feel yourself be turned back around, eyes tiredly flickering over and looking at his face. You stared at him absently, mind slowly going back in time. There were times throughout your life from when you've known Reiner that you've thought that he was irrevocably handsome. Yes, you've once and had begun to always considered him as family as a soldier, but you couldn't fault yourself for looking at your friend — husband — as more than something from time to time when the two of you were younger.

He's always been there for you, had seen you at your worst moments and yet, yet... he was the one that stayed. When you've made numerous attempts at his life, when you've nearly died from a Titan and blood loss, when the two of you would get in trouble with the superiors in Paradis; over and over, Reiner would be there. No matter what, he's the constant in your life, be it by choice or not.

He was kissing down your neck, nipping at your skin, and leaving purple marks with every light kiss. His calloused hand brushed against one of your tits, palming and squeezing at the flesh before he dove in and began sucking at the hardened bud. Your breath hitched as you watched and felt him roll his tongue around your nipple, kneading the other one with his free hand.

Sucking your breasts seemed to leave him entranced, a heavy sigh leaving him as he started to grind himself against the area underneath you. In the weirdest way possible, it was almost memorizing watching him, softly moaning when he switched over to the other breast. This whole experience was making you crazy, maybe as insane as he is.

Reiner muttered something against your chest about milk coming in and how good the taste would be, quietly assessing your expression afterwards. There was a hint of indifference within your eyes but you couldn't muster up any more words to snap back to him, complete exhaustion weighing heavy on your slackened limbs. You could say the same about him, it seemed that he was barely running on anything as well but that damned determination in his eyes said otherwise.

You knew his goal. You knew that this wasn't the last time the two of you were going to do this until he reached it. Maybe even then, he wouldn't even stop there either. That's just who Reiner is, the stubborn man.

He reached over to brush the strands out of your sweaty face, the burning warmth of your cheeks connecting against his palms.

"I love you."

You didn't even realize that he had pulled out from before, but regardless of that, he still positioned himself above you to push his dick back in your dripping sore cunt again. His thighs had rested on top of yours and he began to push your legs back towards your chest, holding you open by his muscled arms. Though he towered over you, he positioned himself to face you, his hazel eyes lovingly staring down into yours.

"Say it back." He let out a quiet whimper as he pushed his sensitive cock back into you, your brain melting at the overstuffed feeling that it gave you once more. "Please."

The gentleness of the way he said it, even within your dazed mind, had your heart pounding.

"I love you." He stated again as he began to rut his thick cock into your used core. You could only breathlessly moan in response, feeling him even deeper than before. You've never realized how much burningly warm Reiner was when he's this close on top of you, his body almost swallowing yours. You watched as his face contorted in complete focus as he methodically rutted into you, his hefty balls slapping against your ass with every given thrust.

This was different, not like the other times in this long night. It was tender, cautious. It was as if he was afraid of breaking you, as if you were suddenly the most fragile thing in the world. For some unknown reason, this realization made your stomach flutter like nothing else before. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to your face.

The two of you stared at each other quietly, lips parted and steadily heaving. Without the fuel of your hatred, all you could think of was how lovely he looked like this, as if he belonged in this position above you.

You moved and pushed yourself upwards, willingly kissing him for the first time in years. You lost yourself to the feeling of his lips on yours, all the while as his cock continued to spear your hole. Unlike him for most of the night, he stiffened and stilled, hesitantly kissing you back in return. The confirmation that he desperately sought for years, this was more than enough for him. His thrusts picked back up and became more steadier in pace, taking his time in pleasing the two of you.

He pulled away from your swollen lips for air, his breath shuddering as your aching walls quivered around him. Your hands cupped his face, quietly begging him to give you one more orgasm. One more but you’re so spent and sensitive, unsure if you had another one in you. You had to, for him.

"C-cumming, 'm cum—!"

You wordlessly cried out from another body-wracking orgasm, legs wrapping around his waist tightly and pulling him in even deeper than humanly possible. Your body became so pliable underneath him and without skipping a beat, he began to slam himself harder into you, the squelch of his cock jutting into you becoming louder by the second. To impregnate you with his child, that would be his final parting gift to you when he gives up his Titan. He had to reach his goal, hell, he might've already from the first time he got into your pussy.

There was always a however. Even then when he unfortunately leaves you alone with his kid, what Reiner wanted the most in the entire world was to hear you say that you loved him. Not in the fake way that you did for the past three years, but as your true self. The one that he had completely exposed tonight and the one he fell in love with ever since that fateful sparring day.

"Please Y/N, say it back." He panted and you tiredly shook your head, biting at your bottom lip. "I need you to say it out loud."

"I... I-I can't. Reiner, I just ca— HMPH!" He quickly silenced you with another kiss, rejecting the notion.

Why? Why? Why? Why can't you? It didn't make sense nor did it settle well in his stomach. Of course there were things that you could never forgive him for, he was dangerously flawed for the most part but somehow, in some way, he wanted you to see him as redeeming. If you can't, then how can he live with the burden of everything he's done?

Reiner suddenly removed his lips from yours again, pressing his forehead against yours, his eyes closed tightly shut as he worked towards his final orgasm. His movements were becoming more erratic until his lower half stilled and once more, you could feel his hot cum spill into your womb, occasionally rutting to push the liquid impossibly deeper. His grunts were broken and airy, as if he had been finally emptied of everything in him.

The two of you were quiet despite the heavy breathing that was unevenly shared. A few minutes later, he slowly started to slide his softened cock out of your achingly raw pussy.

You laid there, used and tired. Reiner didn't move from on top of you and you almost knocked out before small, warm splatters made contact against your chest. You reopened your eyes to see him crying over your body, his lip quivering and his body shaking.

"Why are you...?" You began with a hoarse voice, attempting to sit up.

"Five years."

"What?"

"I have five years left," For some reason, your blood ran cold and your heart sank down to your stomach. "It's a Titan inheritor thing. Whoever receives any of the Nine Titans has thirteen years to live."

Reiner looked at you, trying to wipe away his tears with a short laugh. "I know you won't forgive me, I wouldn't either. I'm just another devil that couldn't keep his hands or eyes to himself, and I'm a shameless traitor for bringing you here but Y/N..."

His hand reached over and caressed your cheek slowly, just like he did when he brought you over to Marley. "I really do love you. No matter what, my very heart and soul belongs to you. Do what you want to me but nothing — nothing — about how I feel towards you will ever change."

Tears of your own started to trail down your cheeks, your head shaking slowly. Why were you crying? Isn't that what you wanted? It's strange, feeling this new moderation towards him. No matter how much you pushed him away or attempted to kill him, he took the pain. Was it because he knew how little time he had left? Yet on the same side of the coin, was he lying in order for you to feel bad about his situation?

You don't know. For the first time, you've never felt so unsure of yourself. It should be final, you should've only felt complete hate for this man but...

"Say something, anything." Reiner put his hands on your shoulders, his grip tightening as he shakily spoke.

"Hit me, choke me, spit at me. I'm a selfish monster, I ruined everything for you."

Fear. You've seen such an expression on his face before, when you knocked him out with the pills and when he almost lost you to that Titan. Yet something about this face of his made you feel indifferent, guilty even. You realize now that it wasn't a suitable look for him.

"Yeah, you did ruin everything." You quietly replied, completely sitting yourself up and moving towards him cautiously.

"My home, my family, my dreams of becoming a proud soldier in the Survey Corps. All of those things, you took them away from me." Taking his head into your hands, you started to wipe the tears away from his face. He looked stunned as you began to slowly climb on top of him, your dripping pussy rubbing steadily against his partially-hard cock, belly half swollen with his cum.

"Maybe I still hate you for that Reiner and I'll spit on your grave when it comes to it, but there's one thing I can't deny." You airily giggled as you lined yourself up once his cock hardened.

"I love the way you fuck me."

His knuckles turned white as you lowered yourself down, completely sheathing him inside you. His face softened in pleasure as you began to ride him; ah yes, this is what you liked to see. Your legs were shaking like no other but the pleased smile you had on your face was unwavering.

"If you make me cum enough times, I might just say that I love you too."

Reiner's hands immediately latched onto your bruised hips, a similar grin growing on his face. He's got you right where he wanted you. You may think you had always had the upper hand till now, but he's not stupid. Getting you addicted to the feeling of his cock was the first step, next was you getting comfortable with the idea of having his kids. Well, you could already be halfway there from the way you were slamming your hips down into his.

He buried his face into your neck, his canines dragging against the marked skin as you bounced yourself on his length. Though what he said about his short lifespan was true, he'll spend it fucking you stupid, until you can really mean your 'I love you's'.

The devil he couldn't resist from the land of hell. You were his and he was yours.

Forever and more, till the end of time.

[mask131]

How do you feel about shipping greek gods? (for lack of a better word to describe two or more people being together in a relationship I just used shipping)

Well... It depends? I don't know? Xp

The thing is that the Greek gods are horny gods, that cannot be denied, so you know, they already almost all slept with each other at some point so there's a lot of "shippng" material that's for sure.

What I would say is... it depends on why the shipping is happening, for which purpose? It is for a purely fictional storytelling, or just for personal enjoyment? And I would point out two precise things that are important to show you're not just making stuff up randomly (though I will say making stuff up randomly is allowed, and can sometimes be bloody genius - but that will be for my point B, the person who is making stuff up should know themselves and be clear that they're making stuff up)

A) Always be aware of the characterization, traits and features of the Greek gods before "shipping" them so that you don't end up making some sort of HUGE misunderstanding or misinformation thingy going on. I'm going to take an obvious example, but for example shipping Poseidon and Athena, or Athena and Ares will require it to be with full understanding of their rivalry and/or hatred for each other (so you know, perfect for "rivals to lovers" fic) - though again, with Athena there's also the need to understand she is this virgin goddess that is like a huge asexuality symbol, so you can slide romance in there but none of "Venus' craft" if you know what I mean. And for you it might seem obvious but for example there was this deleted scene of the Clash of Titans remake which was talked about a lot because Athena appeared in there and she was like this very sensual and sexy goddess that tried to basically seduce another god, so you know, the basics of mythology are not always there.

(I'm speaking here mostly in terms of you know, fic and personal artwork and whatnot to bring my example, but you know it can also apply to if you want to, I don't know, publish a book or make a cartoon or whatever)

B) But the most important thing to maintain there, and what is ALWAYS important when dealing with ANY mythology of any kind: be conscious of the differences.

The thing is that, as a creator facing myths and legends, you can basically do almost anything. ("Almost" because there's still stuff that you can't do unless you just want to look like someone who doesn't know shit about the source material). Myths and legends are here to be exploited, interpreted, reused and reshaped and redrawn. I'll go on a side-rent here but there was this post criticizing "modern retelling" of Greek myths in video games, novels and comics, and it concluded with "Just don't touch the myths again, let them as they are". And while I did understand why the person would dislike these modern works (though I do not agree with the entire selection), this conclusion is just wrong. If medieval scholars and Renaissance artists and World War playwrights had not constantly reinvented the Greek myths, it wouldn't be part of common culture as it is today. Heck, Greek mythology itself relies on a bunch of authors from various countries (because they were city-states you know) and from various centuries making WILD reinterpretations of "canon lore" and "previous takes" on gods and legends (remember that a lot of things people claim is part of "Greek mythology" come from stuff like theater plays and philosophy essays... Not really as sacred as the Bible). So to demand mythology to stop being represented and depicted is just... you know, wishing for its death and the stop of its cultural richness.

On the other hand here's where the problem lies: there is so much misinformation and popular misconceptons and erroneous cliches due to how it was all handled carelessly or without any knowledge of actual material (there's especially this whole wave of bringing in Christian ideals into the Ancient Greek world, from Disney's Hercules to Netflix's Blood of Zeus - at least season 1 I didn't watch season 2), that people need to be literaly taught again the simple basic. I know it sounds stupid but the whole "Medusa is a monster, not a girl turned into one" I literaly knew as a kid just because I read guides and books about the Greek myths - not fictional books, just, you know, manuals and encyclopedias and stuff. Yet, this thing found in any basic "101 to Greek mythology" absolutely baffled a lot of people... It shows how, again, people are somehow willing to take more from, I don't know, Internet posts (*cough cough* yes I'm doing Internet posts *cough cough*), cartoon series and novels than from just actual books presenting Greek mythology, not in a fictionized way.

Anyway sorry for the rant X) But my point is: one is allowed to do anything and reinvent all things however they want, as long as they have enough knowledge and understanding of the source material. It is my personal logic but, if someone can defend their choices in a way that shows they actually do know their stuff, are conscious about what they changed and recognize that they modified things, then I'm fully okay with it. To still go the shipping route, if someone says something like "Oh yeah, Aphrodite and Hephaistos are in love and the best couple ever", I can accept this if the same person does, you know, recognize how in the myths Aphrodite cheats on Hephaistos and/or Hephaistos divorces from her. "Yes I am aware of that, but for X reason or X purpose I decided to change it". Then I'm fine, you know. But if the person starts saying stuff like "I didn't know that" or "I don't care, it's not like it's important anyway", then I'll have a problem.

On a final note for the "shipping" - again I don't know for which purpose or on which level this all takes place so I am doing a BROAD answer I hope is vague and general enough - there's a little something very important to remember: the relationships of the gods are all very important. As in, on a symbolical level, there's always a sort of meaning down there you must get, you know? I talked about it before but the relationships of PosEidon, Demeter and Zeus are reflection of more primal Earth-Sea-Sky relationships. Why did Hermes and Aphrodite had "Hermaphrodite"? Because while Aphrodite is the symbol of feminity and womanhood by excellence, Hermes was originally a symbol of the phallic power (see the penis-by-the-side-of-the-road thing), so it makes sense they would create a being uniting male and female genders.

And there's a distinct evolution when it comes to the "incest" of the gods. I need to talk about it because the Greek gods thrive on incest, you know, but it is something people tend to not realize - that Greek mythology has a sort of "chronological evolution in-universe" of how the incest works. The most brutal, raw and obvious forms of incests (daughter-father, brother-sister) actually belong to older and more primordial generations of gods, reflecting how they come from an earlier time of more chaos, less civilization, and also less people: Ouranos and Gaia, the Titans, the first Olympians... But when you move by the second-generation Olympians for example, you realize a step is taken forward and the incest is not direct anymore. They still sleep with each other, but it is more "uncle-niece" and "half-sister, half-brother" or "cousin" relationships. You won't see Apollo smooching his twin sister. You don't see Ares sleeping with any of his two sisters either. And that's because, under the rule of Zeus, by the age of the Olympians, a new form of civilization and order starts encuring, one which starts to remove the most brutal and violent primal pulsions of the gods, one which moves towards the very present day and human civilization where incest is not allowed. It's a little detail people can miss, but as with everything it is very important. (And if you start telling me about "how Zeus slept with Persephone", correct me if I'm wrong but I think that's an Orphic belief, or at least comes from some Orphic fragment, and people should also start realizing that the Orphic people were weird - even by typical Ancient Greek standard - and were doing their own thing on the aside. Though, it still works with another thing prevalent throughout Greek mythology as a whole - this very interesting, ambivalent role of the first Olympians like Zeus or Poseidon, who are the rulers of this new, orderly, civilized world, and yet still end up bringing over habits and elements from the older, more brutal and chaotic past, much to everybody's problem. You know, that's when Zeus and Poseidon tend to cause trouble for everybody - if the gods had a psychology, you could write a whole thing about "generational trauma" and how despite building a new world free of the chaos and disorder of the primal gods and "bad" Titans, the older Olympians are still reproducing the same habits and patterns as their previous generations, which is the very reason there's some of the conflicts in Greek myths. But we're getting too far ahead Xp)

All of that to say - you can ship, but know that in Greek mythology, shipping will have consequences.

[newbornwhumperfly]

whumpmas in july day 14: ideal fic wishlist

one of the most frustrating parts of being a writer is dreaming up a delightful fantasy, saying to oneself "damn, wish i could read that..", and then realizing..."fuck. i have to write it, don't i?" 😅💖 but, in lieu of that, i want to describe an ideal fiction i haven't yet written or read!

one my absolute guaranteed sources of whumperflies is some massive, yet plot-relevant, misunderstanding that results in catastrophic distress and pain 😈😢😈

for years, i've had this fantasy about a "villain whumpee" (this is a nebulous definition, typically describing someone outcast, perhaps because they are a magical being or perhaps because of being trapped in a nefarious position in life) being inducted into a team of "heroes" (typically people cast as "good guys" in some socially significant way, usually a combination of people genuinely trying their best to be good in a flawed, shitty system or genuine assholes of some brand). typically, this "villain" character does genuinely buy into their own "badness" to a degree that severely impacts their self-worth. 🥺🥺🥺

anyways, of course, this villain whumpee, who is so desperately trying to prove themselves to their team, to society, and to themselves, is caught in a situation where they must (seem to) ✨ betray their team ✨ and, oh no, my poor whumpee is horribly punished in some...Socially Justified Manner for their perceived betrayal (perhaps by the authorities, perhaps by other "villains") but regardless, this villain whumpee is left permanently and profoundly hurt 😰😢

this villain whumpee now must flee, running away for their own safety, because they cannot bear being further harmed and punished by their team, both because they know the impending punishment would be horrible to experience (and they are already so very hurt, they are in so much pain) and also because they cannot bear the people they've become close to now being their - of course very justified - tormenters 🥺🥺🥺

so the villain whumpee flees, carving out a meager, difficult little life for themself, while nursing their disabilities/injuries and also their heart-wounds at the betrayal they do not want to reckon with as well as the actions they committed against their newfound friends 😭🥺

but eventually, their former friends, the team of "heroes", tracks down the "villain whumpee" and the whumpee believes with all their heart that their former friends are here to enact revenge or justice or both. 🥺💔😭 a particulate feature of this story which i enjoy imagining is the villain whumpee desperately, in terror, trying to escape and get away and still getting caught, cornered, perhaps tearfully pleading for mercy? 😭😭😭

(whether or not the team is there to genuinely reconcile with their former friend because they realize they were in the wrong OR they are there to...apprehend this person for some reason - perhaps plot relevant information reasons, perhaps even begrudgingly, perhaps still believing their old friend was a traitorous piece of shit - is variously intriguing to me....😈😈😈 in other words, it is entirely plausible that this "reunion" has many earmarks of a capture.)

the apprehension of this deeply injured, malnourished, exhausted, terrified, outnumbered person by a cadre of powerful, pissed-off, former friends, all faces this whumpee knows and loved and can personally plead with by name, is...extremely delicious to me and my trope-loving little heart 🥺💖😭

i've had some loose sketches of characters here and there stewing on the back-burner for some time now, some of the inspiration for this character being found in my blog's tag "vasily vibes", in case anybody is curious! but i've never written and fleshed this idea out fully but it is a brand of fantasy i've greatly enjoyed whenever i come across anything remotely fitting the bill. 😍😍😍

gimme desperation, gimme aching angsty sadness at not being believed and thinking oneself abandoned and cast aside but still loving and being devastated by that loss, gimme social exclusion, gimme complex and morally dubious good guys, gimme indulgent levels of sheer "weeping over the memory of those who despise you" hurts, gimme disgustingly tropey disgust and ostracization and a lack of meaningful self-defense. 💔💔💔 i'm an absolute sucker for a well-meaning outcast falling deep into the "oops i care so much" hole and being subsequently fucked over for it 😈🥺😈

if you have a tale that seems similar at all to this - or you just want to share your headcanons! - please hit me up. i love suffering 😍💖

have a very merry @whumpmasinjuly everyone and stay safe! 💖

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

[mischievouslittlecreature]

I've written and rewritten this post so many times, and I've debated even posting it at all.

And before we begin: I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, or place blame on anyone. I understand that many of you were manipulated or worse. But this is part of how this jackass and his behavior affected me, so I want to talk about it.

The first time I looked at his blog, it was after the wonderful @shelbydelrey messaged me to warn me that there was a new person in the fandom actively attacking Grace fans. Because I write many Tommy x Grace x OC-centric fics, I was concerned, so I took a peak at his blog to see what was going on.

And I have to say, I have never felt so unwelcome in (at least a part) of a fandom in my life.

Something I haven't seen discussed a ton is just the blatant bullying and misogyny that this man publicly displayed. Post after post of him attacking Grace fans, picking fights, laughing at them, shaming them, hurling insults at them...He'd go out of his way to find content featuring Grace and comment hate on them, and then laugh about it with his followers. And this misogyny wasn't exclusive to Grace, but seemed to spread to other women as well, just based on some of the non-Grace related posts I also saw that he made.

Now, I actually don't give a shit whether people like Grace or not. I personally have a soft spot for her, but I don't expect other people to share in my feelings, and I respect their opinions. Most of the time, if I see a post hating on her, I just keep scrolling.

But this...this really got to me. It was so disheartening to see someone behave in what-- at least to me--was such a blatantly and obviously misogynistic way while being cheered and egged on by a significant part of the fandom. It made me feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome. And considering his popularity and how so many people seemed to see no problem with his behavior, it made me question if I was even welcome in this fandom at all, and several times I considered deleting my blog and my fics and leaving entirely.

I'm not going to lie; it broke my view of this fandom a little bit. I can't begin to describe how saddening it was to see that this behavior was not only accepted, but actively enabled and seemingly practiced by so many. Obviously now I know that there were far more complicated things going on behind the curtain, but at the time, that's what it appeared to me: that an extremely large part of the fandom saw nothing wrong with speaking about women--real or fictional--in horrifically offensive and demeaning ways, and openly bullying those who did not share their views on certain characters/parts of canon.

I became paranoid, even after blocking him, that he or one of his followers would find my blog, and I would be the next target of a barrage of hate and harassment. So I blocked most people I saw associating with him (I've unblocked most of you now). Because it felt like that only way to protect myself. Not only did I not want to ever be associated with the kind of behavior he displayed on his blog, but I also was terrified of getting dogpiled onto by his followers, even for the simple act of having blocked him. I was literally convinced that if my blog was noticed by him or anyone closely associated with him, I would get run out of the fandom. So I chose to remain in my own little bubble of mutuals who I trust, and did not make any significant efforts to reach out to or connect with new people.

Again, this is not me trying to call anyone out except for him. I know many of you--or at least, I hope many of you--did not intend to enable a misogynist monster or a bully. And ultimately he was the one who created this hostile environment, and it is very possible, knowing now that he has a habit of making alternative accounts, that many of his "followers" who showed support for his behavior may have just been him on other accounts, or sending himself asks via anon.

I don't really have a specific point to this post. I just wanted to share these feelings somewhere, I suppose. I hate this man for what he has done to so many of you and this entire community. And for how he made me feel so frightened and unwelcome by huge parts of this fandom.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I really want to write fan fiction again but, I'm kind of bad at articulating and creating different scenes and I thought about using chatgpt and I know that's frowned upon but I need help writing lol. Need some advice.

Do not use AI. People look down upon it for a reason. People will always have more respect for genuine, clumsy first attempts at writing rather than someone who publishes what a machine spit out for them. AI is not your work, and you will not improve by having a computer do things for you. I am being stern here to strongly discourage you from Shit GPT. If you tell people in the author’s notes that it’s your first fic, or first fic in a long time, you may very well get supportive comments! If anyone finds out it’s AI, at best, you’ll get people clicking out of the fic because they don’t think it’s worth their time to read something a person didn’t even write, and at worst, you might get angry comments calling you a cheater, in a similar way AI “artists” do. Please don’t do it. You’ll only be hurting your writing and the progression of your skills.

So, what should you do? First of all, know where your strengths lie and lean into them, and know where your weaknesses lie. I’ll give an example. Readers of my fic can feel free to confirm or deny my self-assessment, but I actually don’t think scenery and that kind of descriptive writing is my strong point. I think about what the reader needs to know about the physical space in a scene, maybe little things that could add to the atmosphere, such as describing candlelight glowing upon someone’s face, and I move on. I make sure the reader knows what’s happening in the physical space so nothing is vague or confusing, but that’s about it. I instead focus my writing on the internal monologue/prose of the character’s emotional state and dialogue, because I think those are my strongest points. That’s what I can do well and what pulls people in.

How to create a scene to begin with? It depends on the kind of fic you’re writing, but most of my fics have started out with me thinking about the characters so much that different scenarios pop into my head, and eventually, one takes root; or I’ll watch a scene and think it would be interesting to explore if it had gone differently. My current WIP is at 65k words with 6 chapters, and it began with the simple change to one scene in canon: Aziraphale and Crowley not simply knowing each other in Heaven as angels, but having a romantic relationship. A starting point as simple as that can produce a lot. Think about what you actually want to say about these characters, what kinds of scenarios you want to see them in. You can even think of a type of fic you’d love to read, and instead write it yourself. You can start small! Instead of searching for a fluffy morning-after in bed, for example, write it!

Once you have a starting point, ask yourself what is the most realistic, in-character next step for these characters. Good fic relies on good character analysis. That’s how you make your fic in-character. I generally don’t plan out my fics a lot, and instead have a core idea and some future scenes I want to write, and I ask myself how these characters would naturally build up to those future scenes. Would it be natural for the character to say this? What would they do in this situation you put them in?

Lastly: the key to writing well is reading. This goes for all kinds of writing. Read widely, read often. It helps you expand your vocabulary and to see how descriptions, dialogue, and the structure of scenes and stories work in real time. I began writing as a young teen, and while I absolutely think my writing is better now than it was in my first fics published in 2014, I was able to write at all because I was such a voracious reader at the time. It’s also why I was a good writer in school, because reading helps you write multiple types of pieces.

I hope this was helpful. Also, at the end of the day, it is just fan fiction. It’s fine if it’s not perfect. Open up a document and start jotting down ideas or snippets of dialogue to get your brain started

[the-passer-bys-tale]

Salutations! It’s been a while. While I am still experiencing issues with completing any of my fan fictions, I knew I had to get one out- and I would do it if it killed me! This is part of a series I’m hoping you’ll join me for. This is a Sindri x Reader fic where the Reader has wings. (I assure you, it is not one of those stories.)

I’ve thought hard with the lore on this one, and I hope it’s fun! Going to be a bit more angsty than I’m used to, but I gotta write something! I’ve got a short Brok x Reader in the work, just struggling to fit the character. I’m not confident in my representations here, either, but I can always imrove later on. Let me know what you think of it so far and any criticisms you may have.

The reader is described as having large, falcon-like wings, and a metallic prosthetic right hand. Aside from this, insert whatever you’d like! Those are the only lore-based essentials.

~The Passer-By

Reforging - First Piece

The amount of dirt Kratos and Atreus tracked through Sindri’s house was nearly inconceivable. Each time he'd finish polishing his beautifully detailed floors, he'd find a mysterious stain on a table or scuffs on a doorframe. Keeping up after his brother was enough work on its own- but those two seemed to have a knack for soiling his crafts with blood and- gods know what else.

Sindri was busying himself with the task of sweeping the floors before his friends returned homes. If not to tidy things up, it was to at least have the rest of the house clean when they inevitably spread filth throughout it. His thoughts became scrambled as Brok suddenly yelped- letting out a loud “SHIT!” Something clattered to the ground. Sindri whipped around to face his brother, grip tight on the broom handle.

“WHAT? Did you hurt yourself?” Whether his brother caused injury to himself was his first concern, but his close second was if he’d made a mess in their work zone.

“It's nuffin’,” Brok grumbled, cradling his right hand. He set his hammer aside and turned away from Sindri, gingerly cupping his wrist.

“Uh- it seems an awful lot like something.” He leaned the broom against the nearest wall, briskly approaching.

Sindri crossed over the threshold of the forge, fueled with confidence from the heat swarming the area. The shorter dwarf stepped away, sneering. “I’s said it were nothing!”

“You know that doesn't work on me. I'm your brother. Now let me see.” With an almost motherly tone, Sindri stuck a gloved hand out to Brok, demanding to know the issue.

Brok was hesitant, and he grimaced. But before he could reply—

“Sindri!”

Atreus’s voice rang through the house, followed by the slamming of the wooden doors as they were shoved aside. Sindri’s head whirled around, eyes wide. Brok spun about, taken aback at the sudden intrusion. Atreus entered first, looking just as alarmed - and ushering someone behind him into the house. That someone was expectedly Kratos- a towering mass that seemed to absorb the light around him. A chill followed them in, and Sindri could recognize the smell of Midgard. Blood coated the pair and left dark footprints behind them. But what startled Sindri the most was what Kratos was carrying with him. Who Kratos was carrying with him.

Limp and haphazardly being kept upright. Kratos seemed to be having trouble lifting them and positioning them in his arms- more than likely a cause of their extra limbs. Two massive, disfigured, feathery appendages were littered with cuts and were being dragged across the floor. Wings.

If it weren't the blood being drug into his home, it was the all too familiar look in Atreus’s eyes that drove Sindri up from his crouched position. Interrogation rescinded, he hurried over to the duo and was quick to stop them in their tracks.

He held his gloved hands out like they were his lifeline. “No! No, no, no, no, no! You are not bringing that in here!” Brok quickly scuttled away, disappearing into the depths of his chambers. He would make sure to catch him later on.

“Sindri, come on, they're bleeding!” Atreus pleaded.

“Yeah, all over my floor. That I just swept- by the way!”

“They need our help.” Atreus made a move forward.

Sindri stopped him. “Do you even know who that is?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters because you're bringing an unconscious stranger into our- my home, and you don't even know who- or what—” Sindri paused. The finger he’d pointed so accusatorially at the figure wavered as his anger slowly seeped out from his skin. It burned. He pressed his lips tightly together. His shoulders would eventually slack, and his outstretched arms would fall limp at his sides.

“Please, Sindri.” Atreus pleaded softly. “We can't just let them die.”

An array of emotions crossed over Sindri’s face. His mind was tormented by the decision, and it reflected in his twitching brow.

“What the fuck is that?” Brok’s voice cut through the tense atmosphere and pulled Sindri from his thoughts. He turned to look at his brother, whose face was scrunched up. His hand was crudely bandaged. He sighed and turned his attention back to a hopeful Atreus and an indifferent Kratos.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.” Atreus motioned for his father to carry the winged being further into the house. Sindri winced, stepping aside to avoid any contact. His hands intertwined, wringing together. He couldn't decide whether to be worried for the person- or his dining table. Kratos set them down on the surface of the table with caution. They were unresponsive regardless.

---

“They’re not dead, are they?”

Kratos pressed his fingers to their neck, grunting softly. “No.”

“You didn't know if they were alive when you brought them to my home?” Sindri piped up, appearing behind Atreus with his arms full of medical supplies.

“Just making sure.”

“Yeah.” Sindri shooed Atreus away, “Let me handle this.”

“You think you can handle all that blood?” Atreus inquired, stepping back.

“No.” He answered truthfully, “but there is no way I'm trusting any of you with this.” He added, “No offense.” As a precautionary measure.

Atreus seemed a bit hurt but understanding. He was no medic, and he had no practice in medicinal herbs. Sindri wasn't either, but he knew fighting with him would get nowhere- especially when there was a life at stake. Kratos held no bitterness and averted the situation entirely. “We should finish what we have started.”

“I know...” Atreus began, “but can't we wait and see if they wake up?”

“If we are going to wait, we should spend that time doing something important.”

“You’re just going to walk around like that?” Sindri pointed out.

Kratos and his son were both covered in blood and feathers. While either party seemed unbothered by it (no doubt accustomed to having their bodies saturated in copious amounts of blood), it was unsightly and left a metallic taste in the back of Sindri’s mouth with just the thought.

“Ugh- what am I saying? You look like that all the time. Just clean up before you come back.”

Atreus would nod, understanding. The feeling of dried blood on his skin was familiar- but not enjoyable. Looking to his father to take the lead, he would follow suit with Kratos shortly after, glancing over his shoulder a few times on the off chance the unconscious person moved.

Sindri watched them leave, the heavy wooden doors echoing through his home. He looked at the bloodied figure, hands gripping the sides of the table. He knew what lay beneath all that gore.

What were you doing here?

[professorspork]

debated with myself whether to ask about a happy scene in order to spare myself the agony but: since it has haunted me unceasingly since the first time i read it i would love to hear the commentary on the scene in newsbees where adam. well i can't say cuts off because that happens later but. destroys yang's arm? i consider myself to have a pretty high tolerance for dark/disturbing stuff in fiction but that scene made me feel physically ill (positive? as in insanely well written) so i would love to hear what went into writing it because it is a fucking Achievement. (i have not picked out a smaller passage but if you want to pick a specific section to talk about go crazy)

well first of all thank you for the incredible compliment, gosh

and second of all-- to talk about the genesis of this scene we actually have to rewind the clock pretty much all the way back, because it wasn't entirely clear to me how all this would work for uh... a really good percentage of the drafting process, tbh

[warning for squeamish readers this will eventually get... a little intense bc I'm describing some very violent shit under the read more]

figuring out how Adam would fit into the basic framework of the Newsies film plot was a major hurdle in my planning process before I could actually start writing the fic. Blake and Yang don't map perfectly onto David and Jack, they're sort of constantly swapping who carries which beats, but Jack's on the run because he knows the cops will give him back to Snyder, the warden of the juvenile hall. Jack has systemic issues that ultimately have systemic solutions, resolved by the dismantling of The Refuge as an institution. so in the very earliest versions, when I was figuring out my antagonistic forces, I considered all sorts of ways for Clover to be chasing Blake, too, or for Adam to somehow be manipulating the Atlesian carceral state as a way to get Blake on the run.

one of the reasons I thought I had to use the cops was because I wanted to capture the visceral fear that happens in Newsies when the police break up the union's rally. I wish there were a youtube clip I could link to, but the basic outline is that Jack, having been outed by Snyder as a ~runaway outlaw~ to the chief of police, is slated to talk on stage at this massive rally of all the striking newsies. The cops surround the concert hall, and then storm in as Jack's speaking. Jack's friends try to help him get away, but it's chaos. there are mounted officers inside the lobby, and that terrifying moment-- a horse rearing up and the desperate scramble to get out of the way of its falling hooves-- is the true kernel of what ultimately became the Yang's arm scene. the violence of it is so distinctive and outsized to the situation, and felt true to both source materials in a way I was eager to keep.

so the stomp was kind of there from the beginning, because Newsies gave it to me... though it took me a while to realize it. I knew I didn't want Adam to have a sword, because that felt like it broke the world and was a little too cartoon-y. that meant I had to choose between Adam cutting her arm some other way (cleaner, but requires a lot more context to pull off in terms of what he'd have access to), or issuing such a catastrophic injury that amputation was the only option (much more achievable no matter how I wrote the scene, and brutal). I read up a lot about like, what does and does not constitute an irreparable break, and the bones in Yang's arm being crushed was the most "this is inarguable, they'd just do it" solution. the idea of Adam warning Blake resisting just makes the boot come down harder was something that I'd already had floating around my notes, and so the idea of using that as a parallel and him saying it again while actually stomping down was just... once I had the thought, I knew I had to.

figuring out how that scene would work took a lot more doing, though. as you'll notice, newsbees doesn't actually have a rally scene; the people Blake and Yang are talking to are the press, not their fellow strikers. for a long time, the rally was going to be played much more straight, and I was going to use that moment for Adam to out Blake as a Faunus and insinuate her as a member of the White Fang (something something "great job darling, you fooled them" "what the fuck are you talking about??? he's lying!" sort of thing) and there would be some kind of reveal about the crowd being filled with White Fang plants. I got.... really far into the draft, before I let go of that being the shape of the scene. it really wasn't until I reached the part after Blake and Yang's arrest and the gang had to come up with a plan that it all finally fell together organically, based on this idea of "Ruby should talk to the press" being the script that goes sideways.

so once I had the venue, it all kind of came together. the pieces fell into place; I knew I needed to blow up the Schnee garage to cause damage to the property that wouldn't threaten any of the cast in the manor, and to get Ilia access to a getaway car. having Adam hit Yang to start the scene then laid out the players on the board the way I'd wanted them (Blake surrounded, Yang largely incapacitated).

and as for the actual writing of the scene itself... the vast majority of what's published was the very first draft, which I wrote in one feverish sitting just trying to get my own, like, revulsion at Adam's actions down on the page. Blake's anxiety manifests as nausea often throughout the story, and this was always intended to show why--he's just absolutely stomach-turning, in the things he's willing to do and say. I tend to be adjective- and adverb-heavy in my writing even at the best of times, but I really tried to maximalize my descriptive language to always land back on violence, here: it's not just that he's menacing, it's not just that Blake is scared out of her mind, it's that he's purposefully doing everything he can to make this hurt (physically, emotionally, mentally) as much as possible and they both know it. it's why one stomp was never going to be enough for him; it's why he goes out of his way to make Blake parrot that it's her fault, which immediately back-fills in all the millions of times the reader knows he must have done that throughout their relationship. in his head, this is Blake's punishment for defying him: look what you made me do, this wouldn't have happened if you'd just behaved. and for a punishment to stick, Blake has to FEEL it.

which: the cruelty here, just like in the show, is that this is a pivotal moment in Yang's life and it doesn't get to be about her. Adam's not hurting Yang to hurt Yang; he's doing it to hurt Blake. Yang's just a prop, and useful or important to him only as a way of showing there's no part of Blake, nothing she holds precious, that she can protect from him. he hurts Yang for the same reason he'd punch a wall next to Blake's head, or tear pages out of her diary and break her pencils or something. he doesn't see Yang as a person. he doesn't see Yang AT ALL. he's making eye contact with Blake, talking to Blake, putting pressure on Blake the entire time he's doing this. the only time he addresses Yang, period, is to reveal that Blake used to be in the White Fang and hid it from her-- which, again, was a dig to make Blake feel like shit. he couldn't care less what that meant for Yang.

which, you know, is exactly what Blake was afraid of and knew would happen and was trying desperately to avoid :)

[feeblescholarmyass]

Headcanons

to motivate me to write chapter three

these all take place after they're all together and are completely separate from the plot

tags: poly relationship, Sumeru Boys x GN! Reader, sfw, fluff, slight spoilers for the fic in the future but idgaf (wanderer/scara is now involved. I can't get him oUT OF MY HEAD)

cw: cursing (mild), mentions of the reader's parents (m&f, good relationship)

masterlist

Alhaitham

I'm gonna be totally honest rn if you're hella tall good for you but I see the reader as like Cyno height so keep that in mind

Haitham here is definitely going to do that thing where he pretends not to see/hear you because of your height (half because you startle him all the time since he doesn't see OR hear you approaching)

he's not that big of a fiction reader but he loves listening to you recount the plot of your latest favorite book or fic and sometimes he actually gets really into hearing you tell the story so if you leave him off on a cliffhanger if you need to go do something he will seek you out until you finish telling him the story

if you're in his way/can't reach something he just like,,, picks you up

say you're putting away the dishes or standing in front of a cabinet he'll lift you up by your waist either to help you reach something or to put you down somewhere else

smells really nice so sometimes you take his shirts or something when you're at home all day and you look like you're wearing a tent and he notices but doesn't say anything unless he wants to get his laundry done and reminds you to put his things you took in with the rest of it

both your parents have mixed feelings on him but he doesn't give any shits

Kaveh

You two definitely spend hours alone in the studio of your shared living space sketching either in silence or having the most distracted conversations ever

he'll be designing something meanwhile you're sketching one of your boyfriends (one of the actual ones or some character from a book you've decided is cute)

and he'll look up at you and ask "what's missing?" while holding up the sketch

you'll spin around (of course you've got the spinny chairs you aren't living unless you have a nice spinny chair) and peer over at it for a while, the either describe it or sketch something down silently and he'll go "that's exactly what it needed!"

and vice versa

say you're having trouble with a pose/lighting/detail and you'll point at it and say "how do I fix it" and he'll give you a few pointers or suggestions

eventually one of the others has to remind you to leave and go get some sunlight and both of you will be shocked at how much time has passed

also y'all know that voice line where he says he's already learned to play an instrument? you learned to play along with your father at a young age and now being able to play together makes both of you so happy 🥺🥺

I can totally see him trying to practice one day but just not being into it until he hears you harmonizing to what he's playing, either with your voice or your instrument of choice

and don't get me started on the improv opportunities

like he plays one pattern and you build off each other back and forth until you're both tired and giggling

he cherishes those moments with you the most, seeing as how art is so rarely appreciated as highly as academics in Sumeru

both of your parents adore him and ask about him all the time

Tighnari

as your Amurta senior he gets on your ass about schoolwork even more than Alhaitham 😔😔😔

but you don't mind since he helps you with your work rather often

he is the most worried about your health so he checks up on you rather often. if you're inside for too long, he'll ask you to take a walk outside with him. if you haven't eaten yet, he'll make you a meal and chastise you for forgetting to take care of yourself. if you've been a little overwhelmed lately, he will sit down with you and keep your mind off what is stressing you, either by snuggling with you and talking nonsense about fungi or a grooming session for the both of you (face masks and painting of nails, the whole shabang)

of the four, he also is the most critical of the way some (*cough cough*, Scara, Alhaitham, and Kaveh's endless bickering *cough cough*) of the others act around you. If you ever need a break from them, he is more than willing to pull you away.

very open with his feelings and affections for you, almost as much so as Kaveh, who is ever such a romantic

not against PDA, but if you're not a fan he keeps his hands to himself. in public, he loves soft, quick brushes of his hand against your back or cheek, a quick kiss stolen in the privacy of your home

also top tier cuddler. of all the five, he finds himself sleeping in your bed the most often.

your mother absolutely adores him

Cyno

he definitely had some trouble getting the hang of things in the beginning, especially with being affectionate

he gets very flustered 🤭🤭 sometimes you'll say something to him with so much adoration in your voice that he'll just go silent and stare at you with the most loving look in his eyes like he just witnessed magic

he once tried to throw in a pick-up line with his usual joking, but got wayyyy too embarrassed and ended up not saying the punchline, instead just staring at his feet with a mortified look

you love to play with his hair, trying out new hairstyles and cute accessories in his hair. any time you ask he'll sit down and let you do his hair. he doesn't say it, but he loves sitting like that, with his eyes closed and your thighs around his waist as he feels your fingers combing through his hair. sometimes he even lets you cut it if it's getting too bothersome or has a lot of split ends

gets along with your dad scarily well like you didn't think he would get past that awkward "yeah I'm dating your child yeah I know it's weird yeah please don't hate me" stage but now your dad texts him every day and they go back and forth making jokes all day every day

he taught your dad emojis and now it's the only way your dad communicates with you

there are so many more for him that I can't say yet because it spoils the plot

Scaramouche / Wanderer

as the newest victim of your allure, he still is getting used to the dynamic of the group

since he's the only one the same age as you, you have a lot more core classes together. he also follows you around and glares at anyone who he doesn't deem worthy of your time.

when he's not with you, he talks about you all the time. he thinks about you constantly. it's a little insufferable, to be honest. he's a complete ass to your classmates, and he still holds a grudge against them. for what I can't tell you yet 😔

he spends the most time in your room, just observing you and being near you. he'll complain about something or other while you do your school work, and you'll listen and smile. he sneaks closer and closer until he's practically draping himself over you and you give up on finishing your work, instead opting to hold him and tease him for being so clingy

your animals won't leave him alone. they follow him around *almost* as much as you

your mother hates him, your father thinks he could bother to be a little more respectful to others, but otherwise likes him

taglist: @ratty-rat-toot @em-asian @hypernovaxx @surgeonsofazaroy @xiaosimper @i-loveyou013 @strwbrysweets

let me know if you want to be added! (if your name is in bold, it means I can't tag you)

[suffarustuffaru]

what do you think of 'grasp' so far

like that Pridebaru fic where he gets kidnapped by Reinhard

ooh this is an interesting question… anon im curious as to why you asked me HAH but i suppose im flattered!!! very grateful to have the chance to speak my Opinions… (warning this is gonna be kinda long i have a lot to say 😅 i put it under the read more!!)

i really like grasp!! pride if reinsuba seems to be pretty popular in this fandom (which im guessing is because reinhard and pridebaru are both like. powerful in their own ways. and they have the most feral relationship out of any version of reinsuba) and tbh i eat up any pride if reinsuba content every time. i enjoy their dynamic and i like seeing the different takes people have on it!! grasp is particularly fun for me in that iirc there isnt really much fics specifically about reinhard capturing pride, plus reinhard’s characterization here is super interesting. grasp emphasizes how much reinhard genuinely cares about subaru and also emphasizes reinhard’s softness—even as hes. you know, kidnapping pride, imprisoning him, gaslighting, etc etc. and grasp’s reinhard is Specifically most likely from the main route, judging from the events he describes. i love seeing darker versions of reinhard in general, and i suppose it’s unique to see a reinhard from the main route act like this. though i will say that reinhard in like ch6 does say he doesnt “give a fuck” iirc which. im sorry i cant imagine reinhard saying that 😭😭 but i do like the addition of him going fuck you to the literal council though!!

on the other hand, though, i feel like grasp’s pridebaru characterization isnt sharp enough for my personal taste. like i know grasp’s pridebaru is still like not that far into pride if—like he was whisked away right before he killed petelgeuse. but at this point i still feel that like. hes jaded and accustomed to violence and i feel like he would be A Lot More Pissed Off in this situation (being imprisoned by reinhard of all people). like the way i see pridebaru, he very much Is Pride, you know? hes stubborn as hell and he wants to be in control and Powerful at all times and he LOATHES reinhard specifically for his power and heroism. i just feel like that even while pride is afraid of reinhard here for knowing personal shit about him + insisting that main route events happened (ie subaru being close with emilia, saving the day, etc etc), i still feel like prides gonna like double down and do Everything he can to make this difficult in any way for reinhard. like i feel like to pride, hearing reinhard talk about this other version of events is like. prides like hearing about basically some other version of himself, which probably sounds like hearing about a literal stranger to him bc Why would he even be friends with reinhard. itd sound totally alien to pride. but this is like, all my personal opinion and i mean no disrespect!! that and 95% of my personal taste in fiction is like composed of the most unhinged things, meaning that my general (kind of biased) consensus with most ifbarus is that you might as well write them to be as insane as possible T^T so take my opinion with a grain of salt maybe, i suppose!

but anyway that aside thats just a very long explanation of basically saying while grasp’s pridebaru take isnt a personal favorite of mine, i do really really enjoy the fic and seeing reinsuba shenanigans happen in it!! and ill definitely be tuning in for each update whenever i get the chance :o

[prettyboykatsuki]

ohhHh hi it is specialgradefckr from the other day! asking on anon because my main blog is in a completely unrelated fandom that i've totally lost the love for lmao.

honestly it was such a mood seeing your reaction bc YES. it was weird!! it was DIFFERENT! it was Some Kinda Mood going on in that fic!!!

sometimes you just. get a neat little idea. a little corner with all these nooks and crannies to mess around in. you light up and you just GO. and what comes out of it seems kinda weird, definitely not what you'd normally write but GUESS WHAT!!

this world has a place for funny little fics! weird stuff!! what is the POINT of being a writer if you are not making your dolls take off their clothes and smash after a suicide attempt and discussions of sexual slavery???

i actually came across your work wayyyy back when i first got into jjk. i read "How To Be A Dog" and i still don't know what to say about it.

the best way to describe my feelings towards that fic is that it's like i got there late to the party. there's some meat left on the bones i haven't eaten. i don't think i've gotten everything out of it.

for example, i had to re-read some sections over again to fully parse what was going on with the reader's curse (i think it was a snake and i am saying that from memory, scout's honor). and the fic spends a lot of time in gojo's POV, which I very much enjoyed!

but most fanfics, especially reader-inserts, stick to the reader POV and are written to be much more immediately digestible than other forms of fiction. you know the characters, you know the setting, let's get to the MEAT of it.

but your fic was like, the type where you really need to Pay Attention to each and every line, because each line does contribute something distinct to the characters or tone. it was so DENSE and i was NOT prepared to run into that while cheerfully looking for noncon gojo/reader porn skjfhglhdsg.

it's rare to find a fic that goes that hard. like if you want your fic to be That Deep you gotta commit to it, you know? and you don't have to do that for a fic to be good or enjoyable, you just do it For The Art, because you see what the fic could be and you want it to be that way. kudos to you.

it was an amazing work of fiction. maybe one day i will have the attention span to read the whole thing and actually feel like i'm understanding everything and the fic will stop haunting me whenever i think about it

anyways apologies for rambling in your inbox, i do hope you don't think i'm too weird lmao i just really like writing and fics. thank you for sharing yours <3

SDFKJSDJKFSDKJ i agree!!

i think like. i love the genre of absurd stuff so much in my media consumption but ive always had a hard time finding space for it in fanfiction. so writing that gojo dark comedy fic was an attempt to make some room for it and try my hand out and it ended up being a person favorite piece despite how insane it is

so i was really happy hearing other people enjoyed it and were rececptive to it bc really whats the point if you can't go and write something completely insane just for shits and giggles you know. sometimes u get a neat little idea and u just gotta go ham on it i agree

ALSO AAAAA !! A HTBAD READER IN THE WILD.... htbad is like. genuinely my magnum opus at least to me. its one of those things where i dont think im ever going to fully recover from it so when people tell me they've read it i automatically feel super emotional.

it is . super high praise to hear that you feel like you get something from it every time you read the fic. im not much of a planner but i really did pour my soul into each and every line of that thing so it means the world that it comes through!!

CHEERFULLY LOOKING FOR GOJO NONCON JHHDSJFKSD WELL YES ... i understand though i think that fic tends to jumpscare ppl in a similar way all the time since its extremely heavy tonally. it was definitely a fic i wrote For The Art if nothing else and definitely a fic i incidentally poured a lot into it. it genuinely always means the world to me to hear good things about it and im so so so elated to hear you talk so highly about it.

THANK YOU FOR READING. AND FOR LEAVING ME SUCH A KIND MESSAGE. i was basically dead on my feet last night trying to do anything but i was extremely happy seeinf this before bed. i hope today is kind to u

[nsk96]

So, everyone, I'll be away for a while. Just thought I'd let you all know before someone thinks I've disappeared hehe :3

The upperclassmen and a professor at my school has warned our class that this semester is going to be extremely difficult. After the brutal exam I had today, I realize that I will have to drastically cut back on my social media use, almost like going on hiatus.

What happened, was that yesterday was a critical period where I was supposed to study the majority of the material for today's exam and instead, I spent most of the day glued to social media (and getting snacks🤡). I took a step back and wondered why on some days it's so easy for me to spend less than 5 minutes on social media, while most days it's impossible to pull away. I noticed it's because when I'm stressed and/or depressed, I get sucked into the endless scrolling. Like, it just feeds on that shit.

Since this semester is going to be nothing but a stressful and depressing mess for me, I will have to stay away as much as I can. That means no scrolling through Tumblr, Reddit, nor Instagram. I'll still visit to finish up my fan fic, Spicy Water, and try to clear out my drafts. I still got 931 left 💀. There are some of you whose fan fics (and fan fic suggestions) I have yet to read, and I intend on doing that during this period since reading is one way to maintain my sanity in the absence of social media.

But just know that I love and appreciate you all and you will be on my mind during this period. Feel free to message me any time, though my response time may be a little slow. You’re always welcome in my inbox (I’m also on Discord if you prefer: nsk#9480). Stay safe, stay hydrated, stay awesome 💙💙💙 @uncontrol-freak @kg-clark-inthedark @starsharks @rottenheartedchild @rurifangirl @a-chaotic-dumbass @anonymousgeekhere @deephumanoidduckdonut @spoopy-fish-writes @kikicocobell @koisheep and anyone I may be forgetting at the moment😭

As many of you already know, there's a lot going on in my life (personal rant. Skip this next part. I got too carried away but don't feel like deleting anything right now):

A cluttered home (because moving into a smaller home where my bedroom storage is cut in half and I now have to store things in my room that I'm not supposed to store in my room, but have to because my mom and I fear they'll be tampered with)

Living in a constant state of paranoia and fear with a narcissistic dad

Living with a mom who always has to remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of at the most inconvenient times (past issues, new issues, constant issues, and some things just too TMI that got me thinking like, "yeah, I didn't need to hear that before breakfast. Thanks. Now I've started my day on a depressing/or mildly disgusted note")

My mom's health not doing so great

My own health not doing so great (both mental and physical)

Falling behind on class lectures

Those two girls on my team who love to cause trouble for me on group projects

Overload of homework

Pharmacy rotation that takes up a whole day out of my week and drains the life out of me

Wanting to write fan fictions and my novels but not having the time or health to...so now it feels like my soul is dying. I don't know how else to describe it. When I can't write or even daydream the stories I want to write, I feel like I'm withering away.

And to be honest, the debilitating loneliness I feel. Wanting to love and be loved (romantically) and not having the time nor mental health to handle it. And the guy I'm interested in, seems so far away. Like, I want to get to know him better but he's on my team and it's all 'business' and he probably wants nothing to do with me after our team mentor had to call a meeting about our team's toxic dynamics (the meeting was called because me and another girl told our mentor about the toxic crap those two girls were doing). He seemed irritated and after the meeting didn't really talk to me directly much. Maybe I'm overthinking it. That's a big problem with me: I don't talk enough to people, I just stand there and think too much. And just...none of the guys I'm interested in ever seem interested in me. After my last breakup, it feels like the magic of finding out that your crush has a crush on you too, ended for me in 2019. Then there was this one guy my school friend introduced me to. He literally looked me up and down with a scowl or something. I don't know if it was the way I was dressed or what (I know some people hate anything that even remotely resembles khaki pants). Or it could be that I was taller than him (considering that I'm now finding out that a lot of guys are uncomfortable with their height😥). To put it into context, I'm 5'3" (160cm). I want to think it's my overall appearance but my appearance hasn't changed much in the past few years. Let me not get too much into that before my people-pleasing tendencies resurface.

Honestly, there’s just a lot of negative feelings and thoughts coming to my mind. I wish I could live on my own just for a little while until I have myself figured out. Unfortunately I can’t afford it. Balancing a job and pharmacy school isn’t doable for me because I need all the study time I can get. Just want to grow as a person but I feel so stifled living with my parents. I can’t even be out past 7pm apparently? My mom freaks out and wants to call the cops if I don’t reply to her texts within like 10 minutes. Considering her background and the crazy shit happening in the U.S., I understand but geez, give me some breathing room. I don’t know what changed…it wasn’t this bad when I was in undergrad. It was bad just not this bad. And this from the lady telling me I need to start thinking about dating and look around. How am I supposed to go out with a guy if you expect me to text you every 30 minutes now??? I was out with a female friend last weekend and my mom was freaking out so much. Texting, calling, and she even drove up to where we were when I didn’t answer her call. I don’t know what to do. My first step right now would be to get in contact with a therapist and look for apartments so that I can make a plan. Then look into financial resources. Hopefully I can do all that without my dad finding out. I feel like if I can get us away from him, she’ll feel so much better.

[corvidcrybaby]

11, 12,and 15 for the fanfic ask game! Hope your weekend is going well 💜

-- @the-frankenman-writes

Thanks so much for the ask!!! <3

11. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

My stories are definitely equal parts character and emotion driven. I often write my fics to explore or vent complicated feelings that I have trouble articulating elsewhere, or that I might feel would be inappropriate to express in any form that isn't art (I struggle with this a bit in my personal life, so it's a beloved outlet). In order to do this, though, I need to craft characters who I find equal parts compelling and entertaining to read. Sometimes I nail it, sometimes I don't. Beyond this, I would describe my style as self-aggrandizing and crass but also heartfelt and tender. I like gratuitous violence, excessive swearing, and emotional beats that'll make you cry.

12. Who is your favorite author? 

Right now, it's without a doubt Sam Sykes, author of the Grave of Empires. Not only is his writing style every bit as sarcastic but also deadly serious as I would hope for mine to be, it's as vulgar and uncouth too - and I just fucking adore that about his stuff. I also love the way he creates characters and tropes and motifs and how unafraid to Rule Of Cool shit he is - and yet, I rarely question any plot contrivances because I'm just so hooked on the world he's created and the protagonists who are diverse and unique and special in a way that makes them all feel so fucking HUMAN. Sal the Cacophony is my favorite protagonist right now and she's a huge inspiration for Zemira if I'm being honest. Loud, obnoxious, irreverent, murderous, heartbroken, and hopelessly queer. It has everything I look for in fiction except vampires, LOL.

15. What is the fanfic you’ve written that you’re most proud of? 

That would be my current project, Lesions of a Different Kind, on AO3! It's my first long-form fanfic, and while I'd dabbled in fan stories before back on a Pokemon forum when I was a wee high school lass, this was my first time really digging into a story of my own creation and sharing it with the world. Writing was always something I wanted to explore more on a serious level but hadn't had the chance to till recently and I'm glad I took the plunge.

Lesions of a Different Kind is a product of many core facets of my existence: my adoration for extreme metal, a love letter to Hellsing, and a celebration of every element of myself - transness, Judaism, general delinquency, etc. I'm really proud of how I've incorporated a blind spot into the religious themes of Hellsing (although I will fight you over the fact that Hirano TOTALLY makes deep-cut allusions to antisemitism throughout Hellsing which often go unnoticed) by making use of golems, dybbukim, and the presence of Rabbi Loew as this Obi-Wan Kenobi style of character - or perhaps Prophet Elijah? Hehehehe.

It's a trans youth coming of age story, it's a Yiddish folk tale, it's a black comedy, it's gorehouse schlock, it's a fucked-up romance, it's about BDSM, it's about healing from past trauma, it's about hyperindependence and alienation, it's about being human, it's just a hodgepodge conglomerate of things I'm never not stewing on. The protagonist, Zemira, is just my id ran wild.

TL;DR i'm glad I wrote a self-insert because I'm fucking weird and it producted a really unique angle to write from.

[mallowstep]

Not sure if I’m sending this in the right place but, as someone who identifies as “centrist” in this whole anti pro thing (I don’t like either side, harassment and overzealous hatred over fictional characters bordering on obsession is unhealthy and definitely really harmful to minors in those spaces but a majority of proship shit I’ve come in contact with during my attempts to kinda figure myself out were also very black and white when it came to arguments over fictional depictions of certain topics, consumption of media and honestly at times reminded me of the fandom culture I was groomed in) I agree with you the most and genuinely enjoy a lot of what you write, and it’s refreshing to see someone else who has similar opinions and ways of handling these topics in their works with a nuance that people lack when looking at any of this stuff which infuriates me. I’d send this off anon but I do kind of fear backlash from outing my stance on this stuff — this whole controversy is dumb, I do wish people who could handle your approach on dark subjects gave your writing more of a chance, your mosspelt story was a very well put together piece on grooming and it’s effects while not being too graphic and focusing on an emotional journey and i really loved it, I wish people in general could use more nuance when looking at fiction and interactions with said fiction because these black and white arguments get us nowhere

[this ask was initially sent jan 31]

thank you so much for this ask.

(cw: i do not discuss any details of what certain fics contain, but i do discuss that i have written fics dealing with various kinds of abuse with some being graphic.)

the mosspelt piece is one of my proudest works, and i think it definitely...goes down the easiest? (in contrast with, say, no one held me to the flame, a concept i didn't expect any amount of support for or engagement with.)

i would like to take this moment to remind everyone that you don't have to engage with everything i write, just in case anyone needs to hear that today. if something is upsetting to you, don't read it. love to everyone.

anyway. as someone whose stance is tax paying adult/whatever is funniest/whatever people have decided today, i don't really like to acknowledge shipcourse. i've got friends who bear both labels, and they both agree with me. so. i think that pretty accurately describes how nonsensical this whole thing is, that two people on supposedly opposite sides can have the same opinions.

i was talking with one of my friends who has the same stance as me (altho, if forced to label ourselves, we would pick differently), and we were talking about how it ultimately comes down to how do we actually stop harm.

banning topics from ao3 doesn't stop harm. things will happen no matter what. you don't have to like it, but that's the reality. (for a tangible example of this happening, look into how FOSTA/SESTA made it harder for law enforcement to do their jobs.)

as some of y'all know, i was most engaged in this discourse when i was at a deep low point. (or high point, as it were, seeing as i was trending towards mania.) it's been a while since i've spoken on it because i needed a good long time out.

ultimately, characters on a screen or in a book do not matter and cannot be harmed. real people can. what matters to me is therefore the normalization of abuse.

a talking point that continues to bother me is the idea that just acknowledging something exists and happens is normalizing abuse. i think anyone who's read some of my fics can agree with that. i think if you read no one held me to the flame and manage to get off to it, or otherwise think it's normalizing abuse, then i'm a much worse writer than i thought. (i name nohmttf specifically because it goes as far as deliberately depicting the acts.)

i don't know where i'm going with this, just...it's all pretty senseless. if the super dark stuff like nohmttf isn't your cup of tea, i don't want you to read it. i want you to enjoy your time reading my fics.

[gunshou]

🌈🍉🎈🍭🕯️💌 for the ask meme!!

Oh lord, hux asking the deep questions here!

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

The ONLY one that came easy was Provisions; I got the mental image from prongy and the fic just burst out one Sunday afternoon like Athena. Writing is a struggle because with two emotionally demanding jobs, all too often I lack the spoons to make words happen. I have to be feeling it, and most days I'm only feeling the crushing depression and crippling despair of living in late-stage capitalism. I had a particularly difficult time with Fear Death by Water; since omorashi isn't one of my high-interest kinks, I had to marinate that idea for a long time before I could get something viable that wasn't trite. I'm not really a planner, but I do need a clear theme and sequence before I start, or at least one scene to get me into where I can build the plot from there, and tbh most times I burn out well before the story's done.

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

LOLOLOLOL I absolutely refuse to confront my feelings or my trauma. Like, I constantly minimize my own shit even while validating others (I work on a crisis hotline). So I don't really process my trauma as much as I just sort of go through it like a Soviet slug, no rifling, goes through the wall of Steve's apartment. But I guess that's partly why I'm so drawn to darkfic, because it matches my mood. I do make my characters suffer more the more stressed I am but often anything I write in that sort of mood is just self-indulgent whump that never actually gets published. Not that self-indulgent whump is bad! I just feel too self-conscious to inflict mine on other people, haha.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Wow, this is a hard one. I guess I tend to go for in medias res openings and character study over action plots. I definitely prefer exploring psychological states to having the characters do a lot of things, and I tend towards sensory descriptions. I write primarily prose, although I attempted a poem exactly once and it wasn't terrible. I write shorter stories rather than longfic, although I wish I had the stamina for long works. I don't think my style changes much, really.

🍭why did you start writing?

Writing is my escape, where I have no responsibilities and no one is micromanaging me except myself. And I can fantasize about beautiful men, which is really why I'm in this biz, y'know? It's my secret dream to be a published fiction writer, but that's never going to happen, lol.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

One of the things I struggle with in fandom is that I'm really introverted and have social anxiety, so I crave interaction but I don't put myself out there first. I think interaction is what creates a healthy fandom: finding something you love and are passionate about and talking about it with people interested in the same thing. I get a bit sad when I see my mutes referencing long discussions about headcanons and plots because I don't really have that. It's my own fault, I'm just too shy to ever reach out, and I would never expect anyone else to. I'm a pretty lonely person, so little things like AO3 comments and tumblr notes really make my day. I fear I come across as standoffish or bitchy, but I swear, I just want to scream and flail about Bucky Barnes with people!

Thanks for the ask and all these questions!

Ask meme

[buckybeardreams]

Can I just say that I honestly really love how you write Eddie in your stories? Like I don’t know I just love seeing him being so possessive of Buck in your works (probably not the “healthy” outlook and real life relationships no but this is fiction so it’s fine lol) I know other people write possessive/jealous Eddie as well and I enjoy those as well but it usefully comes off more playful but your version of Eddie almost has a dark vibe to it? That might be to strong a word to describe it idk lol. Either way I love it, seeing him be like I’m not putting up with your shit Evan Buckley, your mine no one else’s. I. Do. Not. Share. Almost like he’s slowly hypnotizing buck a little bit at a time with it even while Buck just kinda remains innocently clueless to Eddie even doing it lol. But at the same time Eddie still fully expressing his absolute love and respect for buck while doing it. I hope any of this made sense 😅

In reference to this fic

Lol yeah, I like Eddie to be a little bit dark, like he's sweet and he's a good guy, but also he's been through shit, he's got some rage inside him.

Also Eddie was kinda a bad husband and a bad dad for a couple years there. So like I think he feels a lot of guilt over it, and he has this need to be better, to always be strong and in control and be there for Chris like he wasn't before.

That guilt probably really weighs on him, and in a way, he probably feels like he missed out on those early years with Chris, and maybe that's not why he's into ageplay, but it might be one of the reasons why he likes it when Buck is in a really young headspace.

The way Eddie is slowly molding Buck is something I absolutely love! It's definitely very possessive, and when that's paired with Buck being totally oblivious to it happening, it's just so fucking good!

Eddie definitely loves Buck, there's no doubt about that, but his love is very obsessive and all consuming. He doesn't just want part of Buck, he doesn't just want a little bit. He wants everything, wants to control every aspect of Buck's life, but he means well for the most part.

Buck is hands down the love of Eddie's life. He's never loved anyone the way he loves Buck, but even in his past relationships, Eddie had some issues, anger and otherwise.

Now he's got Buck, someone he loves so deeply, someone who's so important to him and to his kid, and Eddie has never felt stronger feelings for someone before in his life... but unfortunately, it's not just his love for Buck that is magnified.

Eddie feels way more possessive with Buck, way more controlling than he ever did with Shannon, who he married and had a kid with. He has this intense need to control Buck to make him his little boy, turn him into exactly what he wants him to be, exactly what he feels like Buck wants to be. Because as much as Eddie has wanted Buck to be his little boy from day one, he never pushed for it because he didn't believe Buck would be interested.

Then suddenly he sees Buck in his headspace, and Eddie's hooked, and he decides that Buck is going to be his and he's going to take care of him, and while Eddie did kinda talk to Buck about it and he's not technically forcing it on him, there's no doubt that he's pushing Buck just a little bit more each time.

He's definitely on the darker side, soft but dark, and I'm like obsessed with it!

[gratisdiamanten]

can i ask you what interests you in, for lack of a ‘better’ word, dead dove fics/media? not in a judgmental way - i’m just struggling to find the words to articulate why they interest me personally. obviously, if this is too personal you don’t need to share at all!

This is such a good question! I've always been interested in very dark stories since I was very little—a very vivid memory is from when I was 7 or 8 and read Bluebeard for the first time. The clotting blood on the floor! It stuck with me strongly. I think people often think first think fiction is only escapism, or describing a reality more exciting than our own, but I think back to folktales often and how often they're deeply disturbing and don't have truly satisfying stories. This is kind of turning into an essay, so I'll drop it under the read more:

This quote from an interview really hits the nail on the head for how I think dark stories can be really important in kind of touching on some kind of reality, especially ones with a slightly fantastic element that elevate the dread in the text. Actually, one of my favorite au ideas I haven't really talked about kind of dips into my readings on folkloristic morphology, and it's very dark conceptually—Max fleeing his father's sexual attention after his mother's death in the model of Peau d'Âne—but stories have been for a long time! For a story nowadays to deal with things like (as more extreme examples) cannibalism, incest, dismemberment, necrophilia is to be extremely controversial. But these were motifs you can find without difficulty in folklore. They're what we gravitate towards, although for a while it's been considered commonly strange to want to read about it. But it's not. It's really how we love to engage with storytelling.

These are the stories people told each other to pass the time, to imbue their children with a sense of the banal horror of their lives, to reflect the incomprehensibility of the world around them; hence, the magic! I don't particularly write fantasy, but I do try and capture in my actual writing (beyond the small pieces I show here) the kind of disorientation and bone chilling primal dread that we still haven't evaded in an very structured, almost nightless society. We used to die in worse ways and younger. We used to suffer greater harms without any recourse. We told stories about it. Storytelling wasn't responsible for making you feel good, although it totally could have. It was about a human urge to relate and to feel something in a controlled settling.

This might sound like I write horror, but I don't necessarily. Some of my aus take on a horrorish tone (Permanent Havoc and Hangfire deal with body horror and human decay) but I write intrafamilial abuse all of the time. The helpless love you have for your parents who can hurt you and for such a long time it can't make you stop loving them. Aagh! Really awful stuff. But it happens all the time. Of course people don't always want to read this kind of thing, and that's fine. But the general feelings people can get from horror and dead-dove type writing aren't like, foreign to everyday life. Absurdly dark shit.

And probably the most obvious although least conversationally relevant reason for me liking dead dove works is that I have PTSD :/