#so when it comes to colonization they just didn't really care. food was food. there was no prejudice or hatred behind it

[heart2beom]

colon and a parenthesis

pairing: bestfriend!beomgyu x f!reader

genre: fluff, light hearted angst/comfort, best friends to ...lovers? drabble (an attempt), best friends who live together!!

synopsis: getting played has got to be the worst feeling ever. for you, you go through that heartbreak every other month. and now you're wailing on your best friend's shoulder again, for the hundredth time, ruining his hoodie. again.

a/n: "he doesn't deserve you" i'm such a basic bitch because the way i squeal over this line...was watching this show that is totally devoid of any romance subplot but i was okay with it because its a good show!! then this cute guy playing the best friend role just says this and im folding. like im being serious, i would've asked what we were. anyways ahahahahahaha, enjoy this as i slave myself into finishing my other bf2l beomgyu fic.

"Why do you look like that?"

You blink, processing his words before turning around, cereal box in hand. "What? What do I look like?" You pat your free hand around your face in attempt to figure out what incited that reaction. If it's an unwanted pimple, you're going to go insane.

Beomgyu huffs out a laugh through his nose, still eating his cereal. "I don't know, it's like you didn't get sleep for the past three decades."

He doesn't catch the roll of your eyes since he's focused on his phone, eating his breakfast but you still make sure to do it anyway. You pour the lucky charms in the bowl, the mention of your tired state gets you fighting the large grin overtaking your face. Reason?

You haven't slept a wink last night, inevitably a bad choice since you have morning classes, but digressing, it had to be the most magical of all nights. You recently got Mingi's number, the cute boy in your Music Comp class, who you've been notably crushing on for weeks.

Beomgyu knows this, obviously since you practically tell him everything, but what he doesn't know is that you've done some progression with your pining.

Other than the fact that he's cute, you find out he's also quite funny and witty, all throughout yesterday's overnight chat. Mingi's absolutely perfect. Like a prince charming. You don't even care that you have to spend extra time covering up your under eyes, it's what comes with the package that is Song Mingi.

You set your cereal on the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to Beomgyu. Checking your phone for umpteenth time today, reading through the texts from last night still makes you smile a little too hard at the realization that yesterday night was in fact real.

You catch Beomgyu turning his head to you, brows furrowed like he was thinking of what to say, still chewing his food. "So?"

You lay your phone face down, "So what?"

"What happened?"

You realize he's talking about your dark circles. "Nothing, nothing happened. Was just studying all night," your eyes look up from your bowl of cereal to Beomgyu's doubtful eyes. "You know, pointing these things out to a woman is very disrespectful."

He laughs, and turns away shaking his head. Beomgyu was equally as tired looking so it wasn't like he had the right to make a comment. His ginger hair had strands poking out everywhere, dark circles even more evident under his eyes. It made sense, he worked late night shifts, and when he didn't, he'd stay up all night anyway, playing video games.

Yesterday he didn't have work, so you were very graciously blessed with having to hear his usual shenanigans through the walls of your room. He had an issue with keeping his emotions on the low when it came to games, which proved to be a nightmare. But thankfully, you were able to filter out his yelling with every response from Mingi.

"I heard you."

You furrow your brows, glancing to Beomgyu. "Huh? Heard what?"

He gets up, done with his breakfast, heading to the sink. "You were giggling all night. It was really weird," he mentions and your eyes widen, slowly chewing your food. Were you really that loud? How embarrassing. "Even weirder now that I know you were studying."

You throw your head back, groaning—of course he didn't buy your lie. "Beomgyu," you drawl.

"No, no, if you wish to keep your life private, keep it private." He was faking his hurt, but you also know there's some truth to it. Sharing things with each other, with no filter, has always been a staple to your relationship. And it's not like you were the type to be private anyway, so it worked out in the end.

"We were texting all night," you start, the dreamy vision of his face clouds your mind as your eyes sparkle at the thought, "Me and Mingi."

Beomgyu halts, his back faced to you— you don't read too much into it before he finally turns around. "Mingi as in... Music Comp Mingi?"

You flutter your lashes, nodding, barely biting down your smile. "He's a total A-plus heartthrob." you swoon.

Beomgyu lays his forearm on the countertop, standing across of you, tilting his head and a scrunch of his face like he’s willing to debate on that. "Yeah, but didn't Yeonjun happen like, two months ago?"

Yeonjun. The upperclassman you dated for six entire months, probably your longest relationship ever. Which is a little sad, at least for a sophomore in college. The added duration of your relationship made the breakup sting a lot more, as well as the fact that you wholeheartedly believed you'd end up marrying him at some point in the future.

Your smile droops, gaze fallen to the sad looking soggy cereal. "Hey, no, I mean, Y/N I'm just worried, but if you're—if you're over him, Mingi is good for you!" You slowly look up at Beomgyu, and you manage a smile on one end of your lips.

"You think so? Mingi's pretty nice, right?"

He huffs out a laugh through his nose again, he's been doing it a lot more often. "You stayed up all night talking to him, you're in love with him."

You break into a smile, eyes back on your spoon. "Shut up."

He points an accusatory finger, "Your ears just got red, oh my god, you are in love with him!"

You roll your eyes, quickly adjusting your hair to cover your ears. He shakes his head in awe, "You're actually hopeless."

"I'm sorry that he's literally the reincarnation of a prince charming. I can't help it."

"You say that about everyone." That was half true. You never said it about Sunwoo. "Anyways, you guys made plans, right?"

You fall quiet, eyes widening before quickly breaking eye contact with Beomgyu, clearing your throat. A few beats of silence and before you know it, Beomgyu grabs your phone, and is typing in your passcode.

You jump off your seat, "Beomgyu! Don't text him! I swear to god—" You have always made a mental note to change your passcode, but your memory fails you each time. And now you're bearing the consequences.

It quickly turns into a game of cat and mouse the more you go after him—each time, he's directly across from you as he focuses on typing as quickly as he could. Even when you calculate to run the opposite direction, Beomgyu is faster, quickly having the kitchen's island in between you both again.

"Mingi, the love of my life, I proposition you with a date at Gorae's—" he announces aloud, reading off the screen.

You rush to his side in his moment of weakness, reaching to grab your phone but Beomgyu's quick to react, raising his arm high enough for you to struggle to get your phone. God darn his height.

"Give me my phone you ass!"

"—and I want to marry you and have nine babies with you in a cottage far away from the world, my love!"

If he sent that, you'd jump off the balcony of your flat. No doubt. So, you attack him with your most effective weapon.

"And—shit. Oh my god, oh my god Y/N—" He wheezes, he's calm drowsiness dissipating, and he's quick to retreat, hands shielding themselves from your evil fingers. But you don't stop, a mischievous smile breaching your lips, because god is it fun to be the one to tease for once.

You aim for his sides, unprotected and perfect for your fingers to start tickling. His giggles are boisterous as he weakly attempts to stop your hands, but you don't let, "Punishment for being a little bitch."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry— oh my god, have mercy!" he manages to muster between his fit of laughter.

His contagious laugh bubbles one up from you until you hear a ping, and you realize that he might've actually sent that in! In horror, you grab your phone from Beomgyu's loose hold, who was still attempting to calm his laugh down, wiping under his waterline.

You check your messages, and it's in fact one from Mingi. "Beomgyu! Did you actually send him something?" you yell anxiously, eyes wide.

You don't give him time to respond, deciding to rip the bandaid, clicking on your chat. Hesitantly you read the messages after the 'goodnight' you've sent yesterday.

Your brows crease flatten as you read the two messages Beomgyu sent.

"I had fun talking. Maybe we should hang sometime?" you look up from your phone, "Who says that?"

He shrugs, wiping his hand on his sweats, "Probably, I don't know, sane people. What'd he say?"

You smile, looking back at the text Mingi had sent in response. "I'd like that. He'd like that. With a smiley face."

A conflicting smile is on his face as he says, "He'd like that with a smiley face?"

You roll your eyes, it's a terrible attempt at a joke, "A smiley face. Colon and a closing parenthesis."

He lets out an oh of realization as if he truly did not know, nodding. "Good luck, thank me when the wedding happens." he comments, walking into the living room you think— you don't really care. Too far gone as you re-read three simple words. And a colon paired with a closing parenthesis.

You really wish it'd work out this time.

—------------------------------

You don't exactly remember when you started to consider Beomgyu to be one of, if not, your closest friend.

The time he had stayed on a call with you throughout the entire night, on a school night, falling asleep after the spell of drowsiness won against both of your wills to continue talking? It magically seemed like you could endlessly talk, about anything, everything and nothing at the same time, with Beomgyu.

The time your eyes miracally found each other, in heaps of awkward situations? Like when you both ended up being third wheels to your pining friends, or when a party seemed too much for comfort.

Or when Beomgyu confided to you that he spent days learning makeup through lengthy youtube tutorials to help you out with applying it for prom?

Maybe the time you celebrated your graduation by choosing to invite over Beomgyu's family? No, you think it's probably the time you realized the only person you thought of when meaning to ask someone to move in with you—possibly the biggest next life step— was none other than your goofy, sort of odd, friend.

Or maybe it's now.

When you open the door, a heavish Beomgyu with his chest rising and falling, like he just ran a marathon, iris darting quickly going over your state before crashing you straight into his embrace, a hand gently on the back of your head. "I'm here."

You were holding it before he showed up, really holding it. But the warmth of Beomgyu's body against yours is enough for you to break. Your shoulders shake as you silently sob onto Beomgyu's, and his hold on you loosens, the previous panic slowing as he pat your back soothingly.

You knew Beomgyu, he's always been hyper aware of feelings, his own and others. This time, he set aside his own to make it easier for you to let out yours—you always notice when he does this.

His breathing is unstable against your hair, still attempting to catch it. "Why are you here? Don't you have work?" your words come out as a muffle, especially with the way your head is buried against his hoodie.

"You called, idiot."

"I called to ask if you could get milk on your way." You were in the mood for hot chocolate, your comfort drink, but to your absolute dismay, there was no milk. And you strongly preferred your hot chocolate with milk.

Beomgyu only hums in acknowledgement as if to say, yes, you're correct. You did only ask him to get milk.

Your emotions are one of a rollercoaster, once again sobbing like a child, before you pull your head away slowly, sniffling as you look up at him, your hands still wrapped around his waist. "You called in sick?"

His silence makes you feel uneasy, he could just say yes. Or no. Your brows raise. "Did you just ...run out?" you yell, almost pulling away from him completely, but he has senses for things like this —quickly pulling your head into his chest again. You groan.

"Now's not the time to lecture me." he mumbles into your hair.

After a little thinking, you decide to not fight him, giving in to his embrace. You could talk to him about his rash decision skills later, now, you want to be a little more selfish.

You're not sure where it went wrong with Mingi, and you don't really want to think about it. Your lips tremble against the soft fabric, more tears spilling down your cheeks, snot running.

"Can I blow my nose?" you ask. Beomgyu's a tinge hesitant before he just sighs. "Be gross all you want."

It felt like eternity standing there, in front of your door, Beomgyu's hand wrapped around you, and yours around his. He doesn't ask questions, he only stays silent unless you said something first. Usually saying incoherent things about Mingi, how you thought it'd end well, how he was everything to you, your moon, the sun that shone brightly. All through the occasional hiccups and sniffles of your crying session.

"I swear, Mingi—"

Suddenly Beomgyu exhales, his hands falling from your back to pull your head away from his chest. You guess it isn't a pretty look, with your bloodshot eyes, and gross snot messy on your face. But he doesn't hesitate to rub a thumb over your cheek.

"You know he doesn't deserve a minute of your time, Y/N. He doesn't deserve you. Like at all."

You furrow your brows. You don't believe a word. "You've barely met him, how would you know that I don't deserve him? And he realized that, which is why—"

He cuts your self wallow of deprecation off with a violent shake of his head. "Stupid. I've met you. I know you. That's enough information for me to make judgement."

"That's..." tears well up in your waterline again before you bury your head in his hoodie again, "That's so cheesy Beomgyu. Thank you."

You can feel his smile, somehow, it's like you're both connected by a string. "I'm serious, you're the best person I know. Flaws? Everyone has them, you do too, but you're ...still somehow the best person I know. If Mingi can't see that— if, impossibly, no one else can see that, then they don't deserve you. You know that?"

You nod meekly, soaking up his words. Millions of things could be said in response, something that could tell him how much highly you think of him too, but the dry of your throat prevents you from so.

"Tell me a joke." you say instead.

He ponders a bit before landing on one. "Can I be the parenthesis to your colon?"

You look up at him, silent, before you weakly hit his chest, laughing. When Mingi asked you to be his girlfriend, he said those exact words, and you had came home, raving all about it to Beomgyu, even though deep down, you found it a little ...too cheesy for your taste.

Beomgyu held the same opinion, except he was vocal about it. Making fun of the line for an entire weeks worth.

"Too soon."

He scratches the back of his head, a sorry smile on his face, "Yeah?"

You don't know if this breakup would be worse than the one you had with Yeonjun—only time could tell. All you knew was that no matter what it'd feel like—hell, like you were walking on pins and needles, like drowning in hot soup; Beomgyu would be by your side. That alone is enough, something that reminded you that this feeling would go away eventually.

ending a/n: you're done!! this might have to be considered the longest proclaimed drabble ever lol (2.6k words this is not a drabble) but anyways, like always, thoughts are appreciated.

[cienie-isengardu]

Quan Chi's bio states he was basically born to be a slave in the mines. With Shang it's at least debatable whether he 'chose' to be poor of it he was just unlucky but I don't think Quan Chi chose to be enslaved since he was a child and mined minerals for OutWorld's government.

This seems awfully deliberate, like how Liu Kang had a hand in Smoke's family dying as a way for him to join the Lin Kuei. Like Liu Kang gave Mileena the life most iterations would kill for and whilst he did cripple Shao, Shao got the better deal compared to Quan and Shang.

I don't think there's a really good way to justify that one. It feels like Liu is punishing an incarnation of Quan Chi for something he didn't even do. Unless someone wants to make the assumption that Quan Chi was born evil...which doesn't make any sense since we literally see a good version of him and Shang fighting against Titan Shang Tsung.

Even if he was born evil, erasing him probably would've been preferable than subjecting him to slavery given how slaves are treated.

Last time I checked mortalkombat.com there was no official BIO for Quan Chi so I can’t address something I did not read yet by myself - not that I don’t believe your word, I just like be familiar with officially released source material and context before I start throwing the stones at any characters, especially since MK1 already proved with Shang Tsung that BIO, story mode and intros may approach differently character’s origin.

That said, I don’t have a doubt that Liu Kang is biased when it comes to certain people as it is visible in story mode alone how he interacts with the Royal Family or his Champions he considered his friends and for example Lin Kuei serving him and Earthrealm from centuries. He on purpose get involved with characters lives, be it choosing Johnny, Kenshi, Kung Lao and Raiden for Earthrealm’s Champions or deciding that Shang Tsung and Quan Chi won’t get a chance to obtain any power (magic) however the same story mode proved that Liu Kang’s plans could be - and in fact were - foiled by actions of others. Shang Tsung and Quan Chi learned magic due to Titan Shang Tsung’s scheming, Kenshi lost his eyesight again, despite Liu Kang’s hope for different means for his bonding with Sento

so it is not like every character’s life is set in stone and the once made Keeper of Time’s decisions won’t change due to outside forces.

My main problem with accusation that Liu Kang intended Quan Chi to be born in slavery or Shang Tsung in poverty is the implication he intended slavery and poverty to be part of his new era in the first place - and with that he chose to doom billions beings to unimaginable hardship solely to punish two people he personally dislike for things done in previous timeline steered by Titan Kronika who cared only for balance between good and bad, not for the living beings who were her own creations. 

Because Shang Tsung is not the only character we could see living in miserable conditions, as the Edenians infected with Tarkat sickness lived in literal poverty, banished and shunned by society, with little food or basic goods to survive on their own. Quan Chi may be a slave working in mines, but we have the whole Umgadi system that literally takes away freedom from the first-born daughters of edenian families, who from childhood are trained and indoctrinated to put Royal Family’s best interest before anyone and anything, because apparently the monarch is more important that the lives of common people. 

If we agree that Liu Kang in fact decided to include slavery and poverty in his new timeline just to punish two people, following that logic we should also assume that by making Johnny the USA’s famous movie star (with all the references to Hollywood and pop culture we know from previous timelines and our own word), he also allowed history to repeat itself with the European colonization of Americas and coming with it irreversible destruction of native cultures followed by unjust and cruel treatment of the indigenous population and ever further consequence: the Atlantic slave trade and the racial segregation that was part of America’s history preceding the official independence of USA (and racism being part of its history for another ages). All just to put Johnny in comfortable life as close to what his friend had in previous timeline.

What frankly, does not sit well with me knowing what kind of person Liu Kang was once and is currently as Earthrealm Protector. He was not a flawless human and definitely he is not the flawless and all-knowing god now - he doesn’t pretend to be one either. And sure, some of his decisions led to bigger tragedies but the fact he stepped down from Keeper of Time’s position to be just a mere Earthrealm’s deity implies he truly wished to allow people make their own choices. Because as Keeper of Time he could manipulate time and events to his own liking at any given time, but as a mere deity he is forced to play alongside the unfolding events and mortals choices - he may guide people, he may punish those disturbing the established peace, but he does not fulfill characters’ wishes or demand to erase the problems of their world because he did not give himself such power, as intro dialogues suggest is the case:

Li Mei: Why permit crime to fester in this timeline? Geras: It was beyond Liu Kang's power to prevent it. 

or

Liu Kang: It is beyond my power to prevent all injustice. Li Mei: Then it shall always fester. 

or

Scorpion: As Time’s Keeper, you could have abolished kombat. Liu Kang: Even a Titan’s power has limits.

or

Kenshi: With Liu Kang's help, maybe they'll find a cure. Baraka: If he could've helped, he would have done so by now. 

or

Baraka: If you're a god, then cure me. Liu Kang: I did not give myself that power.

or

Baraka: Tarkat is a cruel fate, Geras. Geras: As Liu Kang has told you, we cannot cure it. 

My point is: when a god gives mortals a free will then he must also accept that people will choose the wrong, even outright evil things. Not because anyone is born inherently good or bad, but because things like greed, pettines, fear, curiosity, ignorance or love exist and emotions are as strong an impulse, if not stronger, as is common sense. 

As much as I would really like if Liu Kang gave everyone the same, fair chance for a good life, I think we need to take into account that each character's life does not exist in a vacuum and was preceded by hundreds of lives and choices of other people that lead to this point in time. Choices that could get in the Keeper of Time’s way and push events in different paths that he intended. Like Smoke’s family - did he truly decide to kill them to get Tomas into Lin Kuei as the best way of action or did the Lin Kuei warriors, who found outsiders on the protected by them territory, acted too aggressively on their own and their choices lead to unplanned tragedy? Or Shao’s sickness - was it Liu Kang’s choice to prevent the possibility he will raise one day against Sindel but the plan was foiled by one stubborn father who wouldn’t accept his child’s sickness as it was or the iron discipline of father was a part of the plan from the start? My point is, it is hard to tell where Keeper of Time’s will ends and where start the will of mortals that make each day their own choices, for good or bad. 

Sindel is the best example, as Liu Kang intended her to rule Edenia as a firm yet fair queen and for all we know she indeed is one compared to the previous rulers. Yet what we learn from story mode and intro dialogues put a great shadow of doubt on whether she was truly so great Queen, if the sick Edenians are banished and forced to live in poverty, as their assets were taken according to Sindel's own edict, and in general treated like unwanted trashes. Not only that - Li Mei's intro dialogues says that Outworld has organized crime and Sun Do's beauty hides its darker side as it is far from the peaceful city Earthrealms think it is. Since people often are pushed into crimes by the bad circumstances (poverty, seeking refuge from persecutors) rather than inherent evil, should we accuse Liu Kang he planned such misery for those mortals or we accept that Sindel - generally seen as a good person, even admired by vast number of characters, including Liu Kang himself - made a choices that in fact have endangered or literally destroyed hundreds of innocent lives for ages? The Royal Family got rich off the harm of others, its power was secured by people deprived of their own civil freedom (Umgadi, the Palace Guard). Who should we blame for that? Liu Kang who destined Sindel to be Queen or Sindel herself, who had a power and free will to decide?

Like I said, no one lives in a vacuum and there were countless numbers of mortals before our main heroes were even born. Kenshi is dealing with his ancestors’ desperate choice to join Yakuza for protection and born out of it shame and crimes; their choices affect who he is and what drives him. Bi-Han is affected by his father’s decision and decisions of Lin Kuei Grandmasters before him that shaped reality in which Bi-Han lives now and considers an enslavement, because someone in the centuries old past chose to pledge their clan to serve Earthrealm and by extension, Fire Lord. Did Liu Kang intend such a turn of events or is it an effect of countless choices made by mortals preceding Bi-Han and Kenshi existence?

And so we come back to Quan Chi and the question, did Liu Kang decide to introduce slavery to his new timeline solely so Quan Chi could end in one or did mortals (Edenian aristocracy/government) at some point make the choice to enslave other living beings, including Quan Chi’s family, for their own gain? Because for Quan Chi to be born in slavery it means:

his parents or at least mother - and that alone may implies Quan Chi's being a result or rape - would need be a slave in the first place and

mother was punished for her son’s crimes he did not commit - and if Liu Kang’s plan had succeeded, he would never have committed either.

We can go on with questions like that but I think it comes down to this one matter: do we believe that Liu Kang would intentionally damn a billions of innocents to either punish Shang Tsung and Quan Chi or secure the well-being of his favorites like Royal Family and Johnny or not.

The game and intro dialogues won't give us a definite answer to that and each of us will need to settle this dilemma for themselves. I myself still debate whether to believe or not that Liu Kang sat down eons ago and wrote out how numberless generations will live so a few certain characters end in miserable (Shang Tsung & Quan Chi) or happy setting (Sindel). I do however believe that within Liu Kang's timeline, the Keeper of Time's choices shaping people's destiny and free will of characters can and are co-existing. I won't cross out yet the possibility that Liu Kang indeed decided to include slavery just to fuck up Shang Tsung and Quan Chi's lives - and I won't do it at least until I read the new source material.  However, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that slavery and poverty are the outcome of bad choices made by mortals living before the heroes and villains were born.

Of course, this is still not the best scenario and there is no denying Liu Kang wanted a meaningless life for both sorcerers and that he did interfere with events and destinies of mortals. But if he set all life in motion and then immediately step down from Keeper of Time’s position, we need take into account that A) he gave up control over people voluntarily and B) he did it eons before Shang Tsung or Quan Chi - and their families - came to alive and for such a long period of time, many bad things could have happened without his participation or ill will (is Tarkat even part of Liu Kang’s plan or did it happen spontaneously, as a result of the actions of unforeseen forces? As the “forces of nature” balancing things out?). The characters already asked Liu Kang why he did not prevent injustice, why he did not abolish violence, why he did not cure the horrific illness, why he did not make his timeline the better place… but I think to do so he would need to take away the free will, so no mortal could commit a crime again or go against his plan. Which is the total opposition of what he wanted and Liu Kang is aware his world did not improved as he hoped:

Liu Kang: This timeline has not improved as I had hoped. Geras: Thoughts like that led to Kronika’s madness. 

But I guess that is the problem with free will, it allows bad things to happen. There is no win-win scenario and someone will always be harmed - if not by their own choice, then by someone else's, because people do not live in a vacuum.

So, unless Quan Chi’s Bio (that I still didn’t see for myself) outright says Liu Kang decided to made his former enemy born as a slave, I’m willing to give Liu Kang the benefit of doubt that slavery and poverty weren’t on purpose added to his new era just to fuck up two people he didn’t like - even if his dislike is well-understandly considering everything that happened. 

It is easy to look at MK1’s story mode and blame Liu Kang for the characters' background but that is looking at this specific point of time the way we look at NRS and blame them for messing up our favorite heroes for drama’s sake alone. In-universe though? There are plenty of factors outside Liu Kang’s control that shaped the world before any of them came into picture. Like I said, it may not be so easy to determine how much for things to be the way they are now is the fault of god and how much of mortals alone.

Also, in regard to why not just erase them from the timeline, I too myself wondered about that. Or why not make them born in Earthrealm, whereas as mere humans they would pose a threat for a 100, maybe 120 years at best and then be safely tucked in the afterlife. Or why let them both live at the same time and not separate them by ages. My working conclusion for now is that erasing people is not such an easy matter, as people - their histories and relationships - are too well connected threads on time fabric. MK11’s Jacqui ending showed that changing one thing may lead to much more serious consequences. She wanted to spare her father from death at Sindel’s hand and following it the life of revenant. But when she removed that event from his history, in result she erased her own existence, as Jax did not meet Jacqui's mom and thus Jacqui wasn't born. Original Shang Tsung and Quan Chi brought more pain and despair to people than anything else, but since we don’t have an idea how time fabric works or how much it is influenced by the countless erased timelines, maybe Liu Kang couldn’t erase them without erasing more innocent and/or important people? Just a thought to think about.

[ruthlesslistener]

you eever think how pk and wl being together and their fondness for ogrim is like an agriculture (i think thats the right word) reference

No but that's really fucking cool and big brained of you anon, holy fucking shit. I figured that the union of Mind and Life was a sort of metaphor for eking out a balance between expansion and respecting the land, or some sort of metaphor for civilization booms (since innovation coexisting with nature is how you get big civilization booms historically), but that being a reference to agriculture?? Genius. Especially if we take the timeline of Hallownest to be a sort of mirror to the progression of time over a desolate area, with nothingness -> the Void Sea rising and forming caverns through erosion -> recession of the Abyss leaving behind blank rock and fossils -> Unn's mosses and other primary successors like lichen and fungi colonizing the bare rock and turning it into livable soil -> the coming of the White Lady and her rooted plants representing secondary succession. Radi and PK are kind of outliers to that unless we view them specifically as the evolution of the minds of bugs, in which the Radiance's era = blind religious devotion, and the Pale King succeeding her = the intellectual renaissance of the bug kingdoms, where religion still hasn't entirely phased out of having an extremely prominant role in life, but intellectal pursuits that would once be called blasphemy are now accepted and encouraged, and an age of learning and innovation has sprung forth (not unlike the European Dark Ages tbh). And Ghost's ascention to the Lord of Shades comes as a neat little tieoff to both these issues as well, with the Void being a very literal cleansing force, and the success of their character arc being based upon self-determination and personal innovation insted of being bogged down by the chains of the past and other's expectations.

(Which, all of this sounds presumptuous as hell when I actually sit back and look at it, but come on. You cannot tell me that the Radiance doesn't give off major 'pray to me and I will heal all wounds' vibes, while the Pale King is very much 'I gave you mind for a reason, learn to heal it yourself'. Granted, Radi probably DID actually tend directly to her people's wounds, and the Moth Tribe are certainly advanced in terms of essence-weaving and other aspects, but the beetle tribe was def. left in the dirt here, and I have to assume that the moths ditched Radi for a reason other than just 'pretty new light'. Increased independance without realizing that PK would leave them to fend for themselves was probably that reason.)

As for Ogrim, I legit just thought it was a joke about how plants and worms (wyrm and root) both love poop. WL is a rooted being whose success entirely depended on the nutrients in the soil around her before she became a god, while PK, gross as it is, probably was drawn to the smell of fresh dung because it either indicated that prey was close by, or because soil rich with nutrients provided by it often had a lot of food growing in or nearby it compared to the otherwise-barren sands of the Wastelands. So both would have their brains wired to find the pungent smell of mulch, rotting debris, and dung to = survival and good things, bc its important to both of their ecological niches. Which means that Ogrim probably smells great to them both and is why Ghost is fine tramping all over the Fungal Wastes and the Waterways without a care, as they have both those genes going for them. It's kinda like how dogs are wired to think rotting squirrels and cow poop smells super awesome and great to roll in, but thinks lilac perfumes are gross. They're just built different

(Granted, I made this assumption because PK straight-up gave Ogrim a charm to make him stinkier, and WL didn't seem to be at all bothered by his scent, but then again I usually think about the characters from a biological pov first and a societal pov second. For example, its very likely that most of the bugs in Hallownest hate the 'heroic odor' of Defender's Crest because they are creatures that normally feed on fresh meat and vegetation, and that the ones who like it are bugs who prefer rotting foods, or make their homes in decaying enviromments. So the concept of there being an agriculture metaphor somewhere in there with WL's plants, PK's innovation, and Ogrim's poop completely flew over my head there, shdheh.)

[showmethesneer]

I think because Jane is christain and the book says bigamy is a sin she thinks shell go to hell so starving to her is better then hell its not just her morals

You're absolutely right. 💯 correct. I simply disagree with her reasoning and her priorities.

If she had left because he was abusing his wife and lying to her, I would be all for it. Starving on the streets will give you more peace of mind than staying with a man like that. Love it for you, babe.

But that was not her motivation.

She finds out that her boss/fiancée has been keeping his wife locked in the attic. She's fine with that part. He even lied to her face, gaslighting her about what she saw when she confronted him about the strange woman who came to her room in the night. She's fine with that part, too. Which is like.. weird. Keeping a woman locked in an attic and lying about it and gaslighting her were the things she should have been upset about. But they're not.

He explains that his marriage was arranged by his father when he was pretty young, that he knew nothing about this woman except what she looked like at parties, and that the mental illness that ran in her family was kept secret from him until after they were married. So this marriage literally means nothing to him. It's not like he was in love with her once and then grew tired of her and is trading her in for the newer model now. He was thrown into a business transaction and lied to at every step of the way. And now that he's met Jane and fallen in love with her he thinks this could actually be his chance for true love on his own terms. And even though Jane wants him too-- because she still wants him after finding out he keeps a whole person locked in the attic-- the simple fact that he has a wife, in any capacity, is preventing her from being with him.

And it's like "oh he was keeping her locked in the attic because he genuinely cared about her and didn't want her to get sent to an asylum where they would be inhumane to her" and sure. If that's what he thinks he's doing. But he doesn't really see her as human anyway. He describes her as an animal and worse. Which, i mean, given her Creole background, is deeply unsettling in and of itself. He also describes Jane as not human but he means it endearingly and that is also super concerning, cuz Jane is whiter than white so she's a perfect little magic fairy, not a dangerous animal.

So, he keeps Bertha locked in an attic so she won't get sent to an asylum where they will treat her inhumanely. But... like... was locking her in an attic and hiring one (singular) person to watch her 24/7 (not even treat her, just watch her) and denying her existence for 15 years any more humane? Or is that a backwards Christian idea about sympathy and righteousness?

I am saying all this as a queer WOC living in the U.S., where i have been effectively held hostage by christianity and christian ideology. My same-sex marriage could be struck down at any point by this government in the name of Christian values. My right to an abortion and bodily autonomy in general has already been taken away by it. Christian Europeans came to the Caribbean to colonize and exploit and convert my Puerto Rican and Dominican ancestors. So I'm coming at this from a place of justified resentment for Christian ideas of hell. Historically, what constitutes a sin and what you go to hell for versus what is good and just can be extremely fucked up and hypocritical in Christianity. It's okay for him to secretly keep a woman locked in the attic "for her own good" but it's not okay for him to marry a woman he loves. It is the correct thing for Jane to suffer, leaving her home to beg for food on the streets rather than stay with the man she still wants, because he happens to be married on paper. It's not a problem that he kept a woman locked in an attic, just that he tried to marry someone when he was already married.

Like jesus, Jane, just get the dick. You might as well.

[fancytrinkets]

the easy things

read & bookmark the ficlet on ao3; or just read full text below

The first time Frank seriously thought about leaving — really leaving this time, walking out that gate, Cordyceps be damned, and never coming back — it was the crowbar, lying in the grass that stopped him.

He'd thrown it there earlier, after prying up half a dozen old floorboards from the porch next door. They were nearly rotted through — an eyesore — and he was tired of seeing them whenever he sat down to read on the porch swing. He was going to replace them, but he still didn't know enough about carpentry to make it happen. And Bill was no help. He had "to focus on real priorities" — like perimeter security and resetting all his fucking traps. And so the job went badly.

When Frank smashed his thumb with the hammer — which he'd also thrown — he'd then lost his temper and pitched the damn crowbar as far as he could, not caring where it landed. But there it was now — a slender length of curved steel, painted cobalt blue — at rest on the lawn.

It belonged in the shed, along the wall where all the tools were kept. Throwing it away was like a little fuck you — and that's how it all got started. Frank had been spoiling for a fight all day. At last, over dinner, he got what he'd worked for: the kind of argument that couples don't always come back from — mean, resentful, cruel.

"This? Us? It never would have happened if it weren't the end of the fucking world."

And it was true.

In the old days, all Frank would have seen in Bill was the X-Files shit — the conspiracy theories, the government cover-ups, the Trust No One ethos — and not in a charming, boyish grin, David Duchovny sort of way. He would have seen the worst in it, and then kept his distance.

But he would've missed a whole lot.

Because Bill was other things, too. He was brilliant and funny, romantic and talented — qualities that meant nothing in the face of a mindless apocalypse. Cordyceps invaded and colonized, wiping away the humanity as it spread. If Bill were only the easy things — the music and laughter, the food and the loving — he would have died years ago along with everyone else — all his beauty snuffed out, just as theirs was.

Frank hated to admit it, but the X-Files shit — the meticulous, stubborn paranoia — was the weird saving grace that had built this sanctuary and kept it running.

So he walked across the yard and picked up the crowbar. It was smooth and cold as he carried it back to the house — a stark contrast to the feel of Bill's hands, warm and rough against Frank's own as he handed the crowbar back to him.

[takoichigo]

Haven't written in a while. Honestly it's hard to string thoughts together now without getting distracted halfway through or rambling on forever.

I watched an entire season of RuPaul's Drag Race today. I'd never seen an episode but since watching Dungeons and Drag Queens I have had my curiosity piqued. I don't typically watch reality competition shows (unless they're on Food Network) but I really liked it a lot. It also made me have some thoughts about my wardrobe, and about making things, and generally I feel a little inspired. It's much more creative than I expected and I love that. Also, I love shiny things and colors and I'm trying to learn a bit more grace and femininity.

Pain has been pretty bad lately if I'm honest. The last week or so have been very rough. I turned down company yesterday because I had a fairly traumatic releasing of the contents of my colon in the morning, and it took me all day to not hurt anymore. Hurting constantly is one of the worst things about this. Like the pain when I go to the bathroom is worse, but it goes away. When it just aches all day and I don't get relief from it, it's hard to even just watch something. It's exhausting. I'm pretty sure yesterday I was nearly totally blocked up. It hurt in weird places and I felt really nauseous beforehand. Nothing has really made me nauseous up til this point. I was a little this morning too, but overall it's been a little better today. I think I need to be really careful about eating when I take my meds, and I definitely don't think jumping in the tub is an option in the morning anymore, the heat made everything way worse.

Home health is coming tomorrow afternoon to get me started on physical therapy, which I am looking forward to a little bit. Anything to get me feeling normal again, please. Everything is so empty right now and I feel lonelier than I think I ever have. The endless shaking my legs do is really getting bothersome. It's like they don't want to hold me up anymore. Even when I'm laying down they shake. And my left knee needs to stop locking up. I've had some really bad scares this week from it doing that. It's also really fucking painful.

I'm still always tired and I really can't do much of anything for myself. It's a challenge to even walk through my apartment to get from my bed to the bathroom. I don't regret moving my bed to my living room; the bedroom in my apartment is too small to fit a queen mattress with anything else, but the extra walking distance is not great when your body is screaming at you and you can't walk very well.

I think I want to take up crocheting again, I could probably do that while laying down. I kinda want a new laptop too, or a tablet so I can maybe draw while lying on my stomach or something. Something not messy that doesn't require too much effort to set up or set aside.

Things are going to get better. I have to believe that they will. It's hard when I'm all alone. And I do have good friends that have been helping as much as they can. But not the ones I expected. I'm pretty sad about that. Haven't seen either of the people who volunteered to be my medical POA in at least a month. Not in person anyway. And one of them maybe hates me now. And that's making me really upset. I can't think about it or I cry. It's easy to make me cry anyway (shit I did it like 5 times watching Drag Race and twice in the bathroom today at least just from feeling bad and being afraid) but I don't really want to cry. I don't want to have these stupid hot flashes either but that's what we get for cooking my ovaries with a big radioactive beam I guess.

I was tired a little while ago and I thought if I wrote out my thoughts it'd help me relax a bit more so I could sleep, but now I'm just overly warm and sad. And my neighbor across the hall is being really loud. And I didn't get any of the stuff done today that I wanted to get done, except for taking a shower. And then I had a hot flash anyway and was drenched in sweat again a couple hours later.

I hate this all so much. I just want to feel normal again. I want to drive and see my friends and go do things and enjoy my life. Because this isn't life. It's just waiting, either for good news or for death. And while I have a lot of patience with humans, I don't have the most for feeling bad and being alone all the time.

Anyway. I'm gonna mindlessly scroll for a bit now and hope something bores me enough that I get at least a couple hours of sleep.

[knightofhylia]

Are you able to perceive spirits? If so, in what way(s)?

I can see aura pretty well, so usually I can tell if there's something there by the static. Other than that it's mostly clairaudience, or sometimes they will poke me! Usually a good sign something is around is I start shivering or shaking

2. Do you perceive different types of spirits differently?

I perceive them about the same way, but they do have different energies

3. What types of spirits have you worked/communicated with?

Spirit guides in the form of people from past lives are probably my most frequently worked with. I've also communicated with deities on the norse/greek pantheon, egregores, ghosts, animal spirits, tech spirits, uhhh I think that's it.

4.How do you communicate with spirits?

Trances at my most in depth, but usually it's divination or clairaudience.

5.If you use divination, what are your preferred methods and why?

Oracle cards I think are my favourite, tarot sometimes it's a bit too constricting and not every spirit cares about tarot. Ouija board is my favourite because you can get the most direct answers but also lots of energy and very confusing.

6.How did you first get into spirit work?

Sleepovers LOL! I started doing ouija board sessions with my friends around 9. We started with the typical 'Light as a feather, stiff as a board' and when that didn't work we tried channeling and the ouija board.

7.How long have you been a spirit worker?

15 years off and on. Started when I was 9, ebbed and flowed until I was 13 and met other people who were into magic, then when I was 18 and finally on my own is when it really picked up again and hasn't stopped since lol.

8 .Is there anything you've learned that's made communication easier?

OFFERINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crystals, candles, herbs, food, whatever no one likes to do anything for free and that includes spirits. I notice a significant boost in clarity when I have a candle burning or Im holding a crystal.

9. What's something you think beginning spirit workers should know?

KNOW HOW TO PROTECT, CLEANSE, AND WARD BEFORE DOING SPIRIT WORK!! I KNOW YOU WANT TO JUMP IN AND DO IT RIGHT NOW BUT IT WILL SAVE YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE! Don't just open the door to strangers!! when you start poking around in the spirit world the spirits take notice and not every spirit is going to be your friend. Not saying every spirit is out to get you, but would you let any stranger you saw at the grocery store into your house?

10.Any mistakes you see people making? Common misconceptions?

too many to count. remember when we were all fighting over lemons being used in hexes?? what puritan ass bullshit was that?? saw people pulling cards talking to lemon spirits and WILDLY misinterpreting the cards to fit their agenda. People assuming that having a spirit guide or deity on your team means nothing bad will happen to you when most of the the time THEY are the ones giving you the challenges, not some evil demon or whatever. Oh, and speaking of demons, everyone seems to be worried about demons coming after them or getting hexed and trying to do all the protective measures they can when in reality it was the mental illness calling from inside the house. You can be mentally ill and spiritual! It's less likely that the fae are after you and more likely the spirits of the land are pissed off for being colonized. Most people want to be the high priestess, prophet, bestest devotee but then when spirits actually make them prove themselves they run back to Christianity saying there are DEMons OUt There' TRying to Get them.

11.Have you been through an initiation process, and if so, what can you tell us about it?

I changed my last name to my deity's last name, that's about it really. I have plans with Hylia to do an initiation but it's something I'm still working on! That involves "A shower of power, a flood of courage, and a pool of wisdom" and that's about all I have down for that lol

12.How do you define "familiar spirits"?

Spirit that you have a regular working relationship with who aids in your spellwork.

13.Thoughts on working with familiar spirits vs. other guides/teachers/allies?

honestly just a bunch of labels to me as long as we can get the job done I don't really care what category they are in. If they aren't fit for the job then they wont come when I call lol

14.Do you differentiate between ghosts and other spirits of the dead? If so, how?

I use ghost specifically for spirits of dead people in this realm, this timeline, etc. Like my grandma is a ghost because she lived and died in this realm, but people who have died in past lives, alternate lives, etc are spirits. That's just so I can keep track of who came from where lol

15.Do you have a different approach for dealing with ghosts? If so, what is it?

Not really, but I am a little bit more sensitive if their death comes up because it's still very present. I also have to worry a bit less about if they are going to understand me or know how to use the tools I give them because I'm SURE most of them have seen playing cards or dice in SOME setting.

16.Any regrets or things you'd do differently looking back at your career as a spirit worker?

I wish I wrote more stuff down and kept better records. I have so much spirit lore about my deities just GONE because I didn't write it down or the website I posted it on went down. I wish I had started with protecting and warding and I wish I trusted myself and my skills more. I listened to bullshit spewed by other people about my dead family members or my current spirit team that I know NOW isn't true but kinda messed me up as a kid.

17.Anything else you'd like to share?

CHECK YOUR SOURCES. SERIOUSLY. DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON TIKTOK. YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY OF THESE "ANCIENT ESOTERIC RELIGIONS" STARTED IN THE 70s BY SOME WHITE GUY TRIPPING BALLS. JUST BECAUSE YOU DID DRUGS DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE 'ASCENDED' OR WHATEVER.

a little survey for spirit workers curious crow is curious

Are you able to perceive spirits? If so, in what way(s)?

Do you perceive different types of spirits differently?

What types of spirits have you worked/communicated with?

How do you communicate with spirits?

If you use divination, what are your preferred methods and why?

How did you first get into spirit work?

How long have you been a spirit worker?

Is there anything you've learned that's made communication easier?

What's something you think beginning spirit workers should know?

Any mistakes you see people making? Common misconceptions?

Have you been through an initiation process, and if so, what can you tell us about it?

How do you define "familiar spirits"?

Thoughts on working with familiar spirits vs. other guides/teachers/allies?

Do you differentiate between ghosts and other spirits of the dead? If so, how?

Do you have a different approach for dealing with ghosts? If so, what is it?

Any regrets or things you'd do differently looking back at your career as a spirit worker?

Anything else you'd like to share?

Feel free to answer as many or as few questions as you like, or let me know if there's other questions you'd like to see added. I feel like there's things I'm forgetting...

[the-firebird69]

I figured out that the poop build up is for 5 years stimied trade with China. I used to bring steady rains and Max says he's on top of the ships but really is probably calling his kids and calling for help here and the clones are probably on him, we are responding his kids are saying. The rain would come across the Midwest in with Richen sometimes gather more and it would go into the Appalachians. The water used to come down above envelope below mostly below and pressurize lake Okeechobee and fill it in recent years it's been half full quarter full and really low and the water runoff from the adjacent farms has it flowing into it and going nowhere and just filling up the whole place and coming down river and just not enough River flow to push it out of the harbor and it got impacted like a colon it it packed up and then it went up the river so came and deposited into the bay from the river from Okeechobee and Okeechobee is choked with it too. Trump was blames for the trade deficit when it was Tommy F who is z and he is a pig the thing is a shared role but Trump's plan was to take over everything using covid and such and his second week too and it's because of the clothes losing all about his plan and used it against him I'm not saying that he didn't plan to cross everyone else today but he did. And that's how this crap happened from what I am bleeding off the information and the trade it was reduced because of the clones and Trump had something to do with it and a lot of other people did too and Sarasota they were upset and thought they were going to turn it around and get it straight up again and it didn't work and they get on some work and help figure it out. So right now everyone's wondering why they're getting sick and like me I'm farting like a madman part of it is diet the other part is the water that we're using for potatoes and and other such things are you boiling in the still a problem and they need to treat it more at the water treatment facility a lot more and I need to remove the bleach or it gets worse and people need to study that because they Okeechobee filled up and that's pressurized and going into the aquifer and you have to be careful we have to clear out the harbors and the rivers before you force the mark out of Okeechobee you could dredge it and physically remove it and if it tests out you can use it as fertilizer if you probably block it off or if it's not going to run off into the lake again and some people looking at that cuz it wouldn't take too long and they could stretch it out and probably half a day or a day and this nightmare would slow down so let's crap would be forced into the aquifer and it's probably bodies in there and probably a lot of them and it's making people sick

Zues Hera

We do all sorts of bodily here bottled water and we are cleaning it twice and actually the suggestion to boil it is working it kills it off it settles and we bottle it and we know the few people who are suggesting it and one is a famous show and he asked her and about boiling so really he did most of it he says it but a lot of people are helping and we will start boiling it it's because no matter what you do it's not going to clean it and there's some serious things in there my friend is doing okay but the rest of us are not and you shower when you please all sorts of stuff they were moving right now.

Mac

There's a huge problem going on it's called dysentery and I would tell you A lot of people you should not drink anything but bottled water and you should not even cook food with something from the top my son has to cuz he doesn't have much money but he's going to try and get more bottled water to cook with so the dollar for a bottle says it's not much difference in the bottles depending on which one you get it's actually true since you get more water.

Working on a lot of things I'm going to make my my own luxury vehicle now this is part of my therapy it helps a lot and you'll see why

Thor Freya he wants to move some hard knock kicker 5150 pair of a Time and this is Papa awarded him and we think way is wrong no it's jet Li and he said if you don't do it from here you can't get it from anywhere I said if you don't do it from there you won't start attacking those dumb clothes like you should and we already have a lot but you're right and she wants pack stuff and you have a decent pagsta, and we can make a joint venture and we're going to do that I'm going to sit down with her and I do understand your papa is out he has other people but they don't want to do it right now and should so I'm going to do this they might be interested in it when they see how it works and again it might just help It might help and if they did their stuff. Most of it's ruined. So I see if she wants to order a bunch and we're going to get ready and your company can make a bunch of stuff all hers that is. Jet Li said the last four sentences. And I'm going to start making my bike it's A Hard knock kicker 5150 and I know what we can do and make it in Canada it's odd as you said just make it up there so I'm going to go ahead and do that and Hera helped out she was talking and she's really interested in he wants her to do it and to call her papa going there at the Cambodian she's laughing and says that's fine but maybe not Cambodian okay dumbass you're right dumbass and don't call me dumbass dumbass okay that was those two we're off to do other stuff

Thor Freya

Olympus

Maybe you can do the car and the bike and admit after the ship is down

Zues

Yeah good idea

Thor Freya

Car and bike ok code words hold on yourself I just heard it myself yourself I did just hear it lol

Hera

[freezethebeez]

hey, same person who's sending the lore asks here,

is it ok if I bring the irl crimes of the US and Britain, as well as historically bloody events into this or do you want to keep it lighthearted and divorced from modern context. Cause I don't wanna put "Colonists essentially set vampires on the native americans they were capturing and subjugating + Authorities would often allow vampire covens to commit mass murder on communities of color with no repercussions during the Jim Crow Era+ Medieval England believed vampires were holy tests sent from god/temptations sent by the devil and you would be reborn as a vampire if they drank from you+ a whole lot of kings and queens would arrange to have their lovers killed and devoured by vampires because there would be no evidence+ the French Revolution caused a whole swath of aristocratic vampires to kill and eat 5% of the french population before they were all systematically staked and burned+ antisemites would compare jewish people to vampires before successful integration occured "

into your fun slowburn dsmp fanfic without explicit permission.

US crimes and colonization and world wars were definitely themes i had in mind whilst writing, especially with ranboo being born and growing up through the 1900's and his parents and other family being born earlier.

sure, go ahead and throw those events in there. they are real and they have happened, i've just avoided talking or writing about it because, like you said, this is just some fun slowburn dsmp fanfic.

it's also just never come up within the writing itself, so i've never mentioned it. what you're doing is very much so focused on history and culture and all that, so it's almost expected those kinds of events in history would come up.

basically: this is your collection and interpretation of everything i've laid out– which is insanely cool to me, you have no idea– so go ahead and add those historical events into your analysis. i've avoided it because it would be kinda awkward to just mention in the middle of the story, but you're out here writing specifically about it, so go for it.

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part IV/VII)

"wrong name"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst-fluff

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadowss @missmulti @accioweaslcy

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa

Warnings: language, mentions of Fred x Reader, brief mention of death ig (?) Feels

A/N: here's a Christmas fic that has no right to be this angsty lmao, enjoy nonetheless <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

We apparated in the Weasley front yard together at dusk at the same time as Percy did; we greeted him with a hug and entered their old home, only to be met with more hugs.

I had only stayed at the Burrow once, arriving the night we escorted Harry, and leaving shortly after the tragic and abrupt ending of Bill and Fleur's wedding.

I had attended to the wedding as Fred's date. Even if we agreed that there was nothing serious between us, we cared deeply for one another, and I was important enough for him that he asked me to present ourselves together in front of his family.

How odd it was that the second time I was staying at the Burrow, it was because I had been asked to attend this Christmas gathering by none other than George —as friends, of course—; so odd that it made me anxious, but Arthur and Molly were way too welcoming for that anxiety to carry on longer than a minute after I stepped into their home.

"Y/n, dear!" Molly held me back while George went to greet his siblings, who had arrived earlier than us. "I'm so glad you could make it!"

"She didn't want to come." George snitched, coming back to us after hugging his father. "Said she felt like she was trespassing."

"George!" My cheeks burned when he exposed me.

"Oh, darling," Molly pulled me into the house to join the rest. "You're always welcomed here, don't be silly!"

Molly had liked me since day one, even before Fred and I became a thing. I was the one to receive her when the Weasley matriarch first visited the shop, and we immediately got along. Fred had explained to me that it was because I reminded his mother of her younger self.

"You're a snitch." I whispered into George's ear as we both walked behind Molly in the kitchen direction, his only response was to stick out his tongue, which made us both chuckle.

Molly looked over her shoulder and I caught in her eyes the same emotion I saw in Ginny's the first time she came to visit the shop after the reopening.

A profound emotion rooted in hope; a bittersweet feeling coming from the thought that, even though Fred was gone, George seemed to be coming back to us.

I felt it too, whenever he smiled. It was lovely to see him actually happy; I wished I could keep him like that forever, even in the nights, when everything would come down on his shoulders, tearing apart every spark of joy might have had in the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We weren't finished with food yet when Arthur wiped his mouth with the napkin and, clapping his hands once, exclaimed, "Alright, time for presents!" Teddy, who rested on Bill's lap, squealed, his hair turning pink; that baby was smart. "I'll get them, dear." He stopped his wife from standing up and went to get them himself.

He distributed the gifts, and I was surprised when he handed me one. "Oh! You didn't have to—"

"Nonsense!" Arthur stopped me, resuming his task with a warm smile. Everyone was happy in that moment, and I knew George's mood had a big part on that.

He unwrapped his, which turned out to be a purple and orange scarf and matching mittens. He was putting on the mittens when I tossed the wrap of my present, uncovering a cardigan formed by several tones of my favorite color.

"Put it on!" George requested excited. unbeknownst to me, it had been him who told Molly my favorite color. "Aw you look fantastic." He observed, poorly wrapping his scarf around his neck.

"Of course I do." I agreed, shifting on my chair to face him, my hands traveling to his scarf to relocate it properly.

Though we didn't notice, it wasn't the first time that more than one pair of eyes observed us that night, and it wouldn't be the last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill and Fleur had offered to take care of Teddy since they were leaving to Shell Cottage, so Harry and Ginny could spend the night at the Burrow without the worry of the baby.

Percy was terribly tired, so he withdrew from the living room to go to sleep.

Thank goodness he did; Percy was probably the second most affected by Fred death, and after that nice evening, he wouldn't have wanted to witness what was about to happen.

Ron, Hermione and I had colonized the settee, while Ginny and George were on their feet near the table, chatting about some nonsense; Molly was cleaning the dishes. Harry had offered to help her, but she refused, so the boy decided to talk with Arthur instead.

Molly pointed with her index finger at the remaining glasses laid on the table and called for George.

The thing is, she didn't really call for George.

"Fred, darling, hand me those."

The room fell silent.

It took a moment for her to realise, but an instant later, Molly was covering her mouth with her hand, her glassy stare fixed on the wrong named twin.

My eyes frantically travelled to every single person in the room, who had gone livid. We all seemed to be holding our breaths, waiting for some kind of explosive reaction.

Then my attention was drawn to George, whose, until that instant amused gaze, had turned blank and expressionless.

"Darling—" Molly's voice shattered with a single word. As Arthur went to console his wife, Ginny led her older brother aside and whispered things only he could hear, attempting to sooth him. "It slipped..." Molly cried.

I stayed sat on the couch with Hermione and Ron, the three of us frozen; I felt like I was an intruder witnessing a very intimate family moment.

"George don't—" we heard Ginny raising her voice before her brother disapparated. "Bloody hell!" She spun around and walked to me. "Y/n, speak to him, he'll listen to you." She practically begged, nodding her head at the window, prompting me to look at George standing alone at the edge of the cornfield, already making his way in.

"I-I..." I didn't need to look around in order to acknowledge all the eyes laid on me. "O-okay." I blinked away my own tears and rushed to the door, only to be stopped by Molly's shaky hand.

"Please- tell him I'm sorry."

"I don't think he'll blame you." I reassured the wrecked mother, offering her a comforting smile before making my way out and jogging into the cornfield myself.

"George?" When I didn't obtain an answer, it dawned on me how dumb it had been to dive into that area without knowing where to go. "George?"

I yelped when something tugged on my sleeve, making my body pivot on my heel. "You know how easy is to get lost in here?" The ginger questioned in a raspy tone, the hand that had been on my sleeve going down to mine, which invited him into my hold.

"She didn't mean— I reckon she just... Saw him in you for a second."

"I know." Though his eyes did look a bit red, he was calm.

"You alright?" I inquired, taking my hand to his cheek, on which he leaned.

"I just..." Sigh. His right hand travelled up to his face to hold mine in it before pulling away. "I need a moment alone."

I nodded. "Don't take too long or you'll catch a cold." He hummed affirmatively, and I half-heartedly left the cornfield and headed to the Burrow.

I excused George, assuring them he would be okay and, though the previous light-hearted environment didn't return, the tension in the air dissipated a bit.

A few minutes later, George came in; his mother welcomed with open arms and he returned the hug, having a small conversation against Molly's shoulder before making a beeline to me, sitting by my side.

I felt my cheeks flushing as he leaned on me, putting his head on my shoulder; suddenly self-conscious at the closeness between us. Somehow it was different being that close the privacy of our flat, than outside of it. Though it felt somehow inappropriate, when his long fingers intertwined with mines, I indulged him, trying hard not to meet neither Hermione's nor Ginny's eyes —they had been staring so much that I had noticed them an hour ago.

I was completely unaware of Molly's gaze laid on us too.

George, whose eyes had been closed, sit up straighter to whisper in my ear, "Can we go back to the flat?" My eyes met his and I realised we were even closer than I had thought in first place.

"I thought we were staying the night?" I murmured, trying in vain to keep his family out of the conversation they were pretending not to hear.

He leaned a bit closer only for me to hear his words. "I don't think I can sleep in my room."

"Do it for your mum." I squeezed his hand and he sighed. "I'm gonna stay in that room with you." Another sigh, but this one was of defeat, letting me know that I had talked some sense into him.

HERMIONE'S P. O. V.

At the beginning of the evening, when George and Y/n had first stepped into the Burrow, Ginny had come to me, urging me to observe them closely.

At first I didn't know why she would say that, but after the wrong name slipped out of Molly's lips, I started to get a hold of the matter, but it seemed so surreal— it just couldn't be.

Though the way Y/n's cheeks lighted up when George took a seat between us did remind me of the way I used to react when Ron got a tad too close to me in our sixth year.

After a while Y/n seemed to forget about our presence and eased besides George, making their bodies get closer.

When we decided to call it a day and the ones left in the living room started to retreat to their rooms for the night, Y/n got up without letting go of George's hold at any moment and, thanking Molly for her hospitality, they made their way upstairs.

Had my eyes not been trained on them, I would have missed the way George's hands went to Y/n's waist as his chin fell on her shoulder.

I left the sofa and walked to Ginny before she and Harry could slither to their dorm. "Are they...?"

"Not sure." Ginny replied with knitted brows. "What'd you think?"

"I... Don't know." I confessed.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

We entered the dark room, illuminated only by the light provided by the night sky and started to discard our clothes in silence without looking at each other.

I was the first one to finish, making my way to my old bed and catching a glimpse of Y/n's silouhette while she threw a tee on.

I was utterly, hopelessly in love with her.

I had known I loved her for quite a while, but the feeling that had made my heart swell and my stomach flutter when she got into the cornfield without giving it a second thought in order to find me, that was something else.

I had also felt it when she had found me lifeless in Fred's room a couple of months ago; that feeling had been the reason why I found the strength in me to come back to life.

I was young, but I just knew what I felt went further from only love.

"What's on your mind?" She was already slipping under the covers by my side, her arms wrapping around me and bringing my back closer to her chest.

You, I wanted to say. "Not much."

"Liar." She tugged on my shirt and I turned on my other side so we would be facing each other. "C'mon, it's just me."

Words blurted out of my mouth, escaping my control. "Do you see him when you look at me?"

And I wasn't making anything up; It was, in fact, on my mind. It had appeared during the walk through the cornfield and it hadn't left, but Y/n's scent, touch and words had backed that thought to a corner of my mind.

She wondered, tucking one of my locks away from my forehead. "Sometimes, but not like you think." She must have sensed my inquiry because she explained further. "There are small gestures, jokes— things like that in you, that remind me of him." Her eyes were roaming all over my face, her hands bringing mines to her heart. "When you're happy, like tonight— I can't quite explain it but... it sorta seems like he's still here. So yeah, you could say I see a little bit of Fred when I look at you." Her eyes finally met mines. "It's not a bad thing— you love him so much that we can still see him through you."

"Loved." I corrected her, my thumb drawing circles on the back of her palm. "He's dead." A tear rolled down my cheek, but Y/n caught it with her fingertips before it could reach the pillow.

"Love never dies, Georgie." Her replied seem to carry more significance that someone would see at first sight, but I was too tired to discern it.

I couldn't tell if she had scooted closer, or if I had unconsciously leaned on, but the tips of our noses were nearly touching.

Initially, she didn't attempt to put more distance between us, and I couldn't help but let my hopes get high. I waited for a sign, something that would let me know I could close the gap between our lips —oh, how I craved to feel her lips—, but the sign didn't come and we stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity before she casted down her eyes, immediately breaking the spell.

"Goodnight, Y/n." I whispered, turning my back to her.

"Goodnight, George." She mumbled back, coming closer to cuddle me.

[kris-p-banana-bread]

Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2670

i got to fuckin sleep in today, it was awesome. i don't really remember when i woke up, but i know i didn't get out of bed until after 2pm.

i got up and went downstairs and helped my mom with the pies and the stuffing and a couple other things, and i stayed downstairs and talked to my parents.

at some point, i realized i didn't need to worry about how bad my anxiety attack today was going to be, because i wasn't going to have one, because we weren't going to my grandmother's house where she invited seven thousand people over, none of whom i know, and none of whom i care for! there's always too much noise and too many people and i always get overwhelmed and have to leave because i can't fucking function. but this year? nope. why? because we went out to eat at a restaurant, which was a fucking spectacular idea. the food was delicious and i got to wear something nice and i even got to drive because my car was the last one on the end of the driveway, so honestly it was pretty great.

we got back and we watched a few episodes of eureka, and i played animal crossing for a few hours. i made my garden bigger. i love it.

but now i have to deal with cooking and shit tomorrow, as well as christmas shit, because of course that happens the day after colonizer encroachment day thanksgiving. i hate it, to be honest. i'm probably just fuckin grumpy, but i don't like christmas shit being around before like, december 10th. sure, people can celebrate it starting the day after thanksgiving. doesn't mean i like it. it may honestly just be because i'm not entirely a fan of christmas, even though i love christmas day. that's when it feels right, but you need set up to get there for the morning. so i guess i'm just grumpy. it may also have something to do with school not ending until a week before christmas. i think finals have ruined the chunk of winter holidays. rip.

got shit to do tomorrow. mostly cooking and putting boxes up out of the basement. which is something else i don't like; why are there a billion decorations for, like, a month, when they just collect dust? they're not practical. this, also, coming from someone who has a ton of stuff that isn't practical, that collects dust. but it stays up all the time!! it's not themed for a single holiday! it's themed for shows and franchises that i love, not with reindeer or santa or a nativity scene. there's this mug i was once given, it has elves all over it. i can't use it except on christmas day. i just. i just can't. i've tried and considered it, but i can't make myself do it. i can't wear christmas shirts outside of the week of christmas or to christmas events. i just can't do it.

i'll just settle for "i'm grumpy and don't like the buildup and effort of decorating for christmas."

joel is the same, i think. but like, lights? i love lights. (i really am a moth.) but i don't have the tools to make it look like how i want. i don't have a tall enough ladder, and i don't have enough strings of lights, and i certainly don't have enough roof clips for the amount of lights i want up.

if i had an apartment of my own, i'm confident my opinions would be different. but a whole-ass house? twelve boxes of decorations?? no thanks.

i'd like to just hang out with joel tomorrow, but i know i can't do that.

i also can't wait until i get paid next week - that'll be good. i can apply for my passport and buy christmas gifts. i'm excited. (okay, i like giving gifts. mostly mugs. i like giving people funny mugs. they're practical, they make you smile, you can put coffee in them. what's not to love??)

okay. sleep time.

(ignore my constant sad hours missing riot up in this shit.)

[spooky-somewhere]

women posting their w's

click for better quality, note under the cut

every day i get a little more gay and i think it's thanks to these two.

kate's a little short and sam is drawn to look older so i do want to specify, kate is 24, sam is 28, kate is just a) an alien that lives longer and thus might look more 20 than 24, and b) short for her species which is actually a lot of complicated lore that i am going to ramble about because THIS IS MY BLOG GODDAMNIT

big tw, discussion of themes of eugenics, death, abuse, and murder.

so kate is like, an alien, right. and she comes from this planet where you're ranked from birth. when you're around, like, three, you get put into a category, and kate, being a scrawny child with a lot of health issues and a couple defects, was essentially cast as the lowest class of person. she'd be used for whatever was needed of her until she died, or, in other words, she was considered human livestock. until a woman with a lot of power looked at her and was like "yeah i can work with that".

she turned kate into a scout, which was only really a step above human livestock but hey it's better than being completely disposable and an embarrassment to her family. scouts are meant to go to planets (advanced alien civilization dontcha know) to scout (roll credits) out planets that could be colonized.

she got put on a ship with an ai named Thea and essentially her only contact with her family was a shitty communications device. Thea was pretty much her only friend throughout that entire time, acting as a rational source of information to contrast herself, who happened to be highly emotional, anxious, and impulsive. as is cliche with stories like this, the planet she was going to was earth. problem, Thea didn't know how to land, as she wasn't actually meant to land planes, only fly them, which meant the ship had to crash into a forest.

the ship was damaged almost beyond repair. kate did what she was told to do in her handbook and sought out shelter or any lifeform, carrying a few rations. she'd never really seen rain before, so the rainpour that night was something she remembered for the rest of her time on earth. kate found an abandoned warehouse, and obviously, being impulsive, she opened the door.

what she didn't expect was to find someone living there, an engineer and mechanic that said her name was sam. she noticed kate was shivering, and brought her inside. she didn't have much for other people, but she did have a couple throw blankets and an extra order of fries from her dinner, and kate was more than comfortable sleeping in a chair that night, because she hadn't been around other people for a very long time, much longer for people who cared about her well being. sure, she had thea, but thea couldn't wrap her in a blanket and give her fries.

the two of them spent a lot of time together after that. they discussed marriage a lot, but kate was the one to ask the question. she couldn't afford a ring, but she could afford dinner at a restaurant by a river, by candlelight. sam still remembered what she said - "we don't have a lot, but i just want to be with you, i want to stay here forever, i never want to leave you, i couldn't get a ring and im sorry but if i work really hard i promise i'll get you the biggest wedding ring i can get and we'll live a good life". many tears were shed that night.

kate managed to get a job at the local bar, getting paid under the table. (the only issue with that is that the bartender happens to be sam's college ex and they both hate each other.) she took up a baking hobby, started selling baked goods online, while sam worked extra hours at her mechanic job, even taking up jobs outside of work hours for things the company she worked for couldn't do, wouldn't do, or would charge too much for. they'd been engaged for a year when they finally had the money to get a house and have a wedding.

before they had the chance to move out, thea had warned kate of what would happen. by then, thea had been given a body by sam, and kate's commander, her boss, knew something had to be wrong. she was planning on going herself, to check on kate. after all, kate was more of a... pet project to her instead of a genuine endeavor.

kate doesn't remember what happened that day. she doesn't like talking about it. she doesn't really like visiting her ship anymore, either.

the following months were spent looking for houses, until they found a two bed, two bath in the kind of neighborhood where there are enough trees to where you can hear birds in the morning. kate decorated pretty much everything, sam just did all the heavy lifting (and painting, and plumbing). kate helped as much as she could, but watching her wife carry heavy boxes was, like, probably more important.

kate eventually left the job at the bar, but she stayed friends with the bartender. (she might be into thea, but she won't tell kate.) she catered events, mostly weddings, with the things she baked, and when she had the time, she'd drop something off at the bar for the bartender to sell.

sam kept working as a mechanic, mostly working on cars but sometimes helping with other things if someone emailed her asking for help. she left her job at the first auto body shop, and found another one closer to their house. sometimes, she gets dragged along to kate's events, and has to wear something fancy, but if it means she gets free food she'll take it.

GOD i rambled on for entirely too long okay im going to BED goodNIGHT this is entirely too long, im so glad i figured out how to do the read more thing SAUKGHDSK

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 1 "Pilot" & Ep 2 "Hell Week"(Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Something really bad happened.

Did you just get your period all over yourself?

This isn't my blood.

Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?

I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.

I don't care if you can walk.

How are we supposed to get you to the front door without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?

No one wants to see that at a party.

This is super embarrassing.

I didn't even know I was pregnant.

You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."

Is that a baby? Amazing.

I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this. "Waterfalls" is my jam.

Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.

How do you know she's dead?

These are my minions. I don't know their names. I don't want to know their names.

I have a colonic at 10

Life is a class system.

Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.

Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.

I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt?

I hate sororities, and I hate you.

First of all, I'm not a lesbian.

You see, out in the real world, people just don't talk that way to other people. It's not normal.

Well, that sure sounds suspicious.

No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got.

Historically, short people are sneaky backstabbers, like Napoleon or Paul Shaffer.

I could actually handle that you're built like a Thai ladyboy, but what I can't stand is that you think you're my heir apparent.

Don't you want me to spray-tan you?

I would honestly rather not have you around.

The police still can't figure out who filled that tank with hydrochloric acid.

It's good enough for me, and the D.A., who, last I heard, considers the case closed.

What is that skirt?

Your organization might want to find a lawyer.

I'm a pretty smart cookie.

I would not get personal with me, sweetheart.

I don't fight fair.

I am sentimental.

Look, girls are vicious, okay?

I don't have any of my own memories.

Just like we planned. Three-second silent hug, and then you leave.

Ooh, somebody call CSI, because there was a murder scene in that bathroom.

Someone puked in the sink and I'm pretty sure I saw an actual ringworm climbing up the wall. I'm not afraid of anything, but that bathroom scared the crap out of me.

This is gonna be a year of infinite possibilities.

Hold this. It's too heavy.

You didn't knock!

Look at them. They're the dregs of society.

Each one of these gashes is worse than the next.

She smells like hot dog water, and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.

Look, I'm not saying that all heterosexual sex is rape. I'm saying all heterosexual sex is gross, and that deep down, every woman knows this.

All that girl's after is a whole lot of bikini burger.

Hey, girl, can I just ask you, what's up with your outfit?

God knows what they're talking about, basic bitches.

What fresh hell is this?

I need you to stay popular, 'cause if you want to stay at the top of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria. And the criteria is you got to be popular.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm getting really pissed off.

Stop fake crying.

Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they're dating you.

My ego, it's super strong, ok, but it's not strong enough that I can just go around dating garbage people.

Like, yes, I could find a random girl who wasn't popular, and, yes, if I started dating her she would then become popular.

But you said you loved me.

I do sort of love you.

I would love you a lot more if other people loved you, too.

Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out

We're just trying to have a nice day hitting golf balls at hippies.

Pretty girls, like you and me.

That's why I'm gonna burn your face off.

Ugh! You burned the milk!

Next time, I get you fired, or worse.

Actually, I just want a regular coffee. Those white girl pumpkin spice lattes annoy me.

I like to think of myself, uh, as an investigative reporter.

I had to get a restraining order.

I tend to get a bit passionate about things.

Look, you intentionally led me on.

You kept acting like you liked me just so you could humiliate me.

Enter, ye who dare.

I love a creepy collage.

It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you.

I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties.

How about I just drown you in it?

Well, of course she's dead! You just burned her face off!

You don't die from getting your face burned off.

There's a dead woman in your kitchen.

I'm going to the authorities.

That's not how I saw it. And my witnesses agree.

You're an awful person.

Who wants cocktails?

How did my life turn into this?

Have you seen the way girls dress on this campus?

I'm sitting in the same office I used to throw bricks into.

You're awful in bed. Are you aware?

I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.

I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.

Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.

You loaded a dead body into a freezer.

What are you proposing?

I want to help you with your exposé, secretly feed you info.

You need eyes on the inside.

I don't know what to do with the body.

Are you saying dead bodies don't turn you on?

You are so lame, you know that?

God, I love all that death stuff.

Show me the body.

Show me the dead body.

This blood oath will ensure solidarity among us. We are all related now.

I just Googled "blood oath" and this is what came up.

What does this oath even mean?

I just need you all to not say anything about what happened, and I figured a blood oath was cheaper than buying you all presents.

Wait, what about STDs?

Idiot, you don't get STDs from blood oaths.

You get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.

Um, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease," which means that it's transmitted sexually.

When were you in Mexico?

You know what, forget the blood oath.

I can't stay silent!

I'm calling my mom, and I'm going home.

Okay, Pissy Spacek, you and I have a few differences we need to iron out.

I want you to be one of my minions.

It's the gateway to the top of the heap.

You put on a good front, but you're miserable.

Don't you think any of that has anything to do with the fact that you've created an atmosphere based solely on negativity and raw ambition?

Can we talk for real for a second, please?

I mean, you're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

Don't you see that all that's happened isn't a crisis? It's an opportunity.

Yeah, no, I tried. See, I really tried. But all of this flowery, peace-on-Earth crap, it makes me want to puke.

You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of!

Totally spit in your coffee, bitch.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I'm enjoying this.

Is that killer noises or am I hallucinating?

I'm gonna ask one more time, will you speak up?

What can you tell us about the murder?

There's an exodus right now.

The risks are real, but we need to close ranks.

I don't feel comfortable with a man protecting me. It's representative of the patriarchal, post-colonial culture that encourages violence against women.

We buy a pig and feed it the body. Pigs will eat anything.

Don't go skating on those poop lagoons, because if you fall in, you'll drown in the poop and come springtime, there'll be nothing left of your body.

Here's what you should do. Pulverize her teeth, burn off her fingerprints, and disfigure her face. Once her body is unrecognizable, we can create an incision on her inner thigh and drain out all of her bodily fluids. That'll give us more time to deconstruct the body.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot of work. You need a really good food processor, and you run the risk of fouling the plumbing, which is why you should only do it if you know how to clear out meat and bones from a drain pipe.

I'm willing to help in any way possible.

You're obviously a psychopath and those ideas are insane!

Why are you trying to terrify us?

Can I call you Mom?

I feel so loved and protected by all of you.

Actually, it's a new pop culture trend where young women desperately in need of role models call other girls they look up to Mom.

I thought you'd be cool with it.

I mean, I did just give you several ways to dispose of a body.

Okay, fine. Just stop talking.

You are so friggin' creepy!

Someone just mowed off a deaf girl's head in our backyard.

I mean, as you can see, I'm not licensed to carry a sidearm.

Wait, so you don't have a gun?

I have pepper spray. And I have a walkie talkie that I can use to call the police, who do have guns.

What good are you?

Get the hell out of there. Run away, real fast.

Now, I would give you my number, but my cell phone is off right now.

If you want the place clean, maybe you shouldn't have burned the maid's face off.

Don't you wonder what's in there?

People have been whispering about that house for years, that it's haunted, that something really bad happened. I mean, there's no way there isn't some real-life story behind it, right?

I'm gonna have to break in.

I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna get killed in the 30 minutes we make out, right?

Can you stop talking?

You're kind of ruining whatever was good about it.

Please try to understand the situation I'm in.

I don't give a rat's ass about your job.

You know, I find good parenting incredibly attractive.

You're a snoopy little bugger.

Whose bloody clothes are those?

Supposedly, it was a super fun party.

We're all gonna pay for this.

I think it's all crap. Just a myth.

What happened to the baby?

Sometimes I picture myself like Derek Jeter, you know?

I'm gonna choke you out.

There's a serial killer on the loose.

Please don't say you want to choke me.

I'd love having sex with your corpse.

I'm sorry. This isn't working for me.

Well, I sort of am your boyfriend, and I'm protecting you by having sex with you.

No! I don't need a man to protect me.

How could I have wasted this much time?

Is my self-esteem really that low?

I'm sorry. I think we need to take a break.

I need you to leave right now!

You know, it would really help me feel better if I could just crawl into bed with you for a few minutes.

Are you gonna touch my wiener, or you gonna leave my wiener alone?

I'll leave your wiener alone.

Where are your hands?

He has a huge boner!

Why don't you go in there and ogle his big old boner?

Okay, uh, first of all, I'm not gonna go ogle his big old boner, because I'm not gay.

Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Okay? I can't help that.

I'm hot. Everybody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals in the zoo, plants, probably.

You're gonna have to go right now, 'cause I am breaking up with you.

Excuse me, I broke up with you!

I regretted what I said, and I just wanted to come here and tell you that I am so sorry.

Well, I accept your apology. And now I'm breaking up with you.

Do you know why I'm breaking up with you?

You can't deal with how hot I am.

Sorry, I just broke up with you.

Can you please put some clothes on?

Um, they said, uh, I shouldn't be alone, you know, in case I fall asleep and die.

Can I just get you a robe or something though?

So you're saying I'm the killer?

Okay, this isn't about me thinking you're boyfriend material.

God, I was so gonna go to third base with you tonight, too.

What if we stapled their earlobes?

Private like the parts on a man you like putting in your mouth?

I want to publicly come out as gay on my own.

I mean, you guys have to accept everybody, right?

I actually think that's illegal.

I will come after you, do you understand that? I will destroy you.

I trust you'll consider my offer.

Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot.

You're just, like, super attractive.

Um, well, I was trying to be inconspicuous.

It's better than losing your life.

I have a thing for playlists.

Someone's got a poo belly.

Sweet Yeezus, I don't even know where to begin with you.

Bitch, I'm about to smack you so hard, your tampon's gonna pop out.

I heard screaming.

So you think the serial killer is still up there?

Upstairs to get the killer before he gets away!

You just said that you think the killer is up there, and that's where you want to go?

This is freakin' terrifying!

The killer is in the house! You hear me?

I need my damn inhaler.

What, am I supposed to be scared?

Don't even come out. We plan on getting drunk, and I don't want your bad attitude ruining it.

We're headed down to White Stallion to pick up some sluts, baby!

Yes, okay, I burned her slightly, but stop saying that I killed her.

That was a tragic accident.

I am a kind and devoted and loving friend to all.

I'm not some crazed psychopath.

Maybe you're the killer.

I will not be put on trial.

The truth is we don't know who the killer is, and, yes, I suppose it could be someone in this room.

You want to go first?

I banged, like, 50 chicks.

What took you so long?

[paramsiddharth]

#15: The Independence Day

However tempting the title may be at suggesting my life is at peace now, it painfully isn't. I don't want this to prevent me from glorifying the decades of freedom from colonization we have enjoyed, how much we have recovered from post-colonization trauma, and how we are more responsibly planning to evolve in future. Lots of love to my country. I love my dear Bihar, I love India. I am grateful to my parentland for everything it gave me, such as the beautiful cultural heritage and the opportunity to identify myself as a proud Indian. 🇮🇳 I give my heartfelt pranaam to my nation.

Why is it always such that I make a post, disappear for months (or years), and then make a sudden reappearance? I love writing. Why this discontinuity? I asked myself this question.

I realized it is because I am always too overwhelmed by my past and future to express my present without hurting myself. And don't expect me to mourn that; It is part of my situational awareness, learning from my experience, and practical preparedness and I'm not ashamed.

I'm not proud either, but there's little I can do to change the circumstances I'm put in. The very reason behind my continuous complaining and being a crybaby is because that's what has happened to me throughout my life, and continues to. There are plenty of people to blame, but definitely not me.

I will start talking about the time after the day I posted that Kharagpur blog, but I will move in a logarithmic fashion i. e. Increasing the amount of focus on the part closer to the plateau (present) rather than the cliff (past).

Do you use olive oil at home? Is it a common ingredient in most of the food that you have at home? I recently learnt an interesting truth about food oils. Mustard oil, olive oil, and refined oil are the 3 major oils used to cook. In my family everything is cooked in mustard oil. I used to watch recipe videos and wonder why the colour of the oil looked so different. Turns out they generally use olive oil.

Based on what mom told, mustard oil is much more fatty and considered not good for health, at least in comparison to olive oil. That being said, mustard oil comes for a lot cheaper than olive oil. So do we use less healthy oil to cook food for saving money? Yes. Are we the only ones? I really don't know.

As much as I don't want to, I pity myself. It's pathetic, but every time I pity myself, I assume it can't get worse. But it does. It very much does.

5-6 days ago, my parents had a very violent fight. I was there to get them to settle, and since my classes were not going on, I could give more time to home. Despite my struggle to get both my parents to be peaceful, they kept saying things to each-other for half the night, and kept hurting themselves, mentally and physically. I was there to help them, but they weren't welcoming to any support. And I understand why. They must feel like they are put into a position where they can't express themselves to anyone, and that nobody can feel what they are going through.

Folks and friends tell me not to get in between when they fight. I wouldn't… If only it remained verbal. But it gets worse. It gets physical, in a manner that they end up hurting their internal and external biologies causing more than just short-term damage. I barely manage to save the day everytime… Because I love them. I don't want to listen to my friends. My parents are my everything. Losing one of them means losing half of my life's purpose. I'm nothing without them, no matter how they are.

And I managed to calm them down. 3 days ago, we woke up to a news that wasn't initially so devastating: The water motor wasn't working. It had been a common problem, I easily assumed it will be fixed soon. We got it checked, had some analysis done, some parts bought. By evening, it was still being worked on, and that made the situation tense. The day ended with the news that the plumbers will come the next day and attempt a better fix, something they referred to as "slizing" (I think it supposed to be slicing). I didn't eat much that day, for reasons. Others ate less too.

So we got the "slizer" expert the next day. The whole day was going to be a wasted struggle again, and what happened at home made it far worse. The lack of food, hydration, and sanitation made our patience and moods worse. My parents had an argument, and once the light was sparked, it ended up being probably the worst fight they have ever had in the whole lifetime. One where they almost hit each-other. I came in between as a shield and got beaten up instead, gladly so. But will I always be able to get in between?

The situational dilemma hit me harder than the physical strokes. I was pulled down deep into the realization of how traumatizing the past 5 years have been for my parents. From being loving, caring, and supportive, they've become beasts. They have turned into people with no emotional control, and mood-swing patterns that encourages self-harm exclusive to interpersonal fights between those two.

As much as they fight, scream, misbehave, and misunderstand each-other while arguing, they are the only 2 adults I could ever rely on. The rest of my ostensible family has been far more hostile to us, in a much more heart-penetrating way than physically. Who else can I look up to? And even if I had anybody else to look up to, my parents are the 2 people I will never let go of. It is my life's purpose to see them happy, and I won't let anything go wrong before that happens.

Their hatred for each-other while fighting is no longer silenced by their want to live, and their heart no longer melts by the thought of their kids' happiness. They aren't able to think straight during a fight. What would a person in this condition be advised to do? Take therapy, I suppose. We can't afford that. Will the one who advises us pay for our therapy? I'm sure not.

Money is the one big thing in our life that's our biggest joy and harshest pain at the same time. If we had more money, none of our current problems in life would remain relevant. We will be able to cure everything, including our financial instability and mental illnesses. We will be off to a happy life, constantly evolving. If only we had more money. If only…

Let me slap myself out of this dream. It isn't here yet. A minimum of 2 years before I even get on my feet are to be borne with patience and… Struggle. No, my parents have to remain together, no matter what. The hardwork they did for their whole life, won't lose meaning so easily. We're close, and we will make it. I will get a good job and change everything. I will be able to fix us. I will do it… Won't I?

I wasn't able to cry, because I hadn't had water for 50+ hours. My parents eventually lost energy and got diverted by updates from the plumbers and the expert. It failed. They didn't even attempt the "slizing" part. Maybe next day.

Day 3. No eating, drinking, peeing, or excreting. We felt like lifeless blobs, and it was harder for us to make it through, considering my mom has an OCD. Although we were convinced that the service folks were fixing the water issue, we also knew the kind of people we have in Muzaffarpur. They were using our helplessness as a measure to maximize visible worktime and increase the payment. The only thing they were aiming for is profit. No sense of wanting to provide quality service, no concern for our degrading health, nothing. They were just extending and pulling out days from our lifeless schedule.

On day 3, we slightly hinted that this would be the last day we let them work. We ensured them that if they don't fix it by the end of the day, instead of wasting more money into something that isn't even working, we will urgently invest into getting a submersible pump installed, the ultimate answer to all water problems in the poverty-stricken lands of India.

God knows how, by the end of the day, water started coming. We were not relieved, especially I. Not instantly. I waited for the next morning, and then, was a little calmed. After having the payment report (just because I make it sound professional doesn't mean it was, it was an informal description of how much we have to pay and a disambiguation telling why), we realized the fixing cost us over ₹22,000. That's a lot of money for a sudden life problem. And then the motor stopped working again in the evening, whereafter we asked them to have a look again. A quickfix and it started working after adding some water in the pipe.

We are firm that the next step is to get a submersible pump, but even if we put aside the financial challenge for a moment, this season isn't the best one to get it installed. In fact, that should be our last resort, if all options are exhausted, like it would have been if day 3 ended in a disappointment too. But now we have some time to think, plan, and gather money. ₹80,000 isn't a small amount (that's to start, you know it's always more than it seems).

It was the independence day. Wow, what a beautiful day. An independent country, where there are lakhs of smiles of people happy and proud of their country. And lakhs of neutrally frowned faces who don't even know what a country is. All they know is food, water, shelter, and survival. I felt them, I can tell. It must be worse. I wish we had a little more independence too. A stable financial life, my mom's OCD cured, feels like a lovely eye-tearing dream.

Hahaha… I don't know why I'm crying. Is it because of the trauma of 3 painful days? Is it the fear of my parents getting into a fight again? Is it the painful possibility that I might not get a good job because of my not-so good college or my own ineligibility? Or is it just me, a 19 year-old who doesn't even know what to do with his life and is struggling to survive mentally, physically, biologically, academically, and socially?

For those 3 days, I was in a state of suffering. Since I didn't eat much, I didn't need to use the bathroom, but I would have loved to. I would have loved to satisfy my dry throat with some water. Having not drunk or eaten in days had fatigued me. If you want a feel of how long it had been, here's a day 3 picture of an initially dark yellow arhar dal cooked on day 1:

Still, I was receiving phone calls.

Them: Hey Param! What's up? Can you help me with this thing?

Me: Hi, I'm sorry, I can't… I'm kind of in a problem… ...(trying to explain my situation).

Them: That stinks! Sorry about that, dude. Take care. Oh, by the way, can you help me out with this quickly? I really need to do this.

This makes me realize how awfully tooled I have always let myself be. If it was a regular day, I would have probably let go of my busy time and helped them out, but I was in pain. I was enraged. Very angered by their stubbornness and lack of concern for my happiness, when I have always been the one who was there for them. I hung up and left my phone. I didn't feel like touching it anymore. Life felt obsolete.

Evening, day 4, we were preparing for dad's birthday next day. Planning a surprise, we ordered a cake for him by collecting some money. We were very excited. Little did we know our happiness was about to be shattered… That's when the water had stopped working again. We know it got fixed later, but the intensity of the trauma in the moment embedded itself deeply into our hearts, and despite the want to be excited, we weren't very relieved after the news that it was working again. We were constantly afraid it will stop working again.

We desperately tried to stay happy and celebrate his birthday. 12 AM, August 16, we sang happy birthday. Crying on the inside and smiling on the outside, we made ourselves believe that we ought to be happy for survival. The desperation was visible on our faces. Here are some pictures:

Now that I'm out of it (pray, the water works fine), I still don't feel so good about it. I want to hug my parents and stay in their arms forever. I want to see them smiling and keep talking to them forever. I want to be able to forget my pain and begin a happy life with my parents someday. Other people won't help me achieve that, I will.

I attempted to get myself a job offer at some good companies, and the recruiters would admit that I'm worthy and eligible and all, but then conclude, "…but our company generally gives only on-campus opportunities.". I get it. I'm not in an IIT. Not privileged enough to be allowed to compete with those IITians I'm far better than. I'll not have a chance, because they'll never come for on-campus opportunities to my college. Bless the IITs, for they've now stolen a hundred options of success from me despite my hardwork.

It is the interview season. I recently had a huge spam of texts and phonecalls by my seniors, asking, requesting, and even threatening me to help them with their online coding entrances. I clarified that I find it ethically wrong, but they continued to mentally disturb me by saying stuff that they, as my elders, shouldn't. I made a post on LinkedIn regarding that. I was so mentally tortured I couldn't take it anymore. And guess what? The responses were equally surprising and hostile.

A good number of people supported. By "supported", I don't mean "liked the post". Anybody would do that for free. Rather, some people appreciated my bravery and told me I did the right thing. On the other hand, some others simply scolded and criticized me brutally for the defamation of JUET, the possibility of JUET being blacklisted by recruiters, and making LinkedIn an unprofessional platform with my plea. What value I hath wrought from years of hardwork didn't seem to be anything to them. Shame on them for looking down on someone they should have been supportive to. And all those cowards who enjoy the perks of the flattery of such devil elders, may they suffer the consequences. Ahh!

Life is so stupid. Why am I working so hard? Whom for? Hello? Is anybody ever going to acknowledge me? Am I ever going to get any appreciation? EVER? Why me? Why? 😭

The question is on me. I've come far enough to understand how this universe works to a much better extent than before. Will I be able to plan my future strategically and always do what's right for me and my family? I hope I do. I hope I don't disappoint the one person who is always there to support me: Myself.

I had once felt like I saw God, but suddenly there was no God. I looked around. Nothing. I was alone. All by myself. Nobody was there to help me achieve my dreams. I suddenly felt this urge to be so grateful for what I have, and not assume that this is the worst it can get. It could get worse, and there's a lot I can get out of my present rather than worrying about my future. And you, dear reader, ought to be grateful for what you have, too.

I sincerely take my leave now. ❤️

Lots of love,

Param Siddharth.

[purplerain1019]

Dead

My momma went thru the same thing 2 years ago came home and died after she fought to breath for 3 hours under cardiac arrest 😭 she went to northside in Atlanta ga & now I don't have a momma because of them & I have ptsd because I had to watch their mistake or actually neglect & not caring because it wasn't their momma I had to watch her suffer for about 12 hours because they said it was indigestion took her home feeling something wasn't right then she couldn't breathe at all I watched her fight for her life hard for 3 hours after the ambulance came and got her I watched her turn blue I watched her flatline! The hospital where she had surgery had actually sent her home a few days early from a colon surgery for a spot of cancer smaller than a dime, they got all of it & said she wouldn't have to go thru chemo because she was lucky and they got it all, but she complained of a pressure in her chest early that morning around 3am so I called the nurse they gave her tums, still their a few hours later they gave her 150 mg Zantac I told them she hardly ever had indegestion and didn't think that's what it was because any time she ever had it a tums or milk would help her, they assured me in a grumpy Manner that's what it was & they were short staffed and a few minutes later came with release papers , she wasn't supposed to go home until 4 days later when we got home from our 3 hour drive it had gotten worse and she said she was going to try to sleep, an hour later I herd her make a weird noise found her gasping for air called 911 then a few hours later she was dead, it was gruesome I have flashbacks all the time nightmares & think constantly that it's just not real it can't be because I hugged the dr when he came in and told me I was going to have my mom for a long long time because the cancer was all gone then she was stolen from me ripped away & she was my best friend we talked several times a day lol she would call me constantly talking about tv or a good food resipe now I have memories of death sounds horrific sounds & blood from her insissions from fresh surgery coming open because of cpr compressions & her poor little face trying as hard as she could to breathe, I'll never forgive north side hospital for not listening to me and not caring...... I lost my momma September 5th 2015 that's her heavenly birthday the day she was born into heaven & she had my daughter a birthday party planned when she got back home because we didn't get to celebrate because mawmaw was having surgery on her birthday so my daughter didn't get a birthday that year really she got a funeral & lost her precious mawmaw.....