#so when i figure out what theyre talking about it's like holy shit
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language learning revelation i had
#me understanding 5 words in a 20 minute podcast episode: :D :D :D :D#me understanding enough of a podcast episode to be super aware of every word i dont know: :( :( :( :( :(#this is why the b1-b2 plateau is a thing#youre like in the 25-75% range there i think#which is THE MOST ANNOYING#with french i think ive just passed 75 so its fun again#im at like 80 i think#with arabic im at like 1 so its suuuper fun#it's avictory if i can figure out the TOPIC of ap odcast episode#bc like i cant read the titles fhkjghjgkhg#with french i could at least tell the topic from the title but i cant read the titles#so when i figure out what theyre talking about it's like holy shit#and i get like 20 minutes to try and do that#tunisian ones are fun bc they put in a lot of french words#so those are fairly easy to figure out#but also means i catch more and im doing 2 langauges at once so it doesnt take away from the fun#i explained to my dad yesterday my method of just listening to podcasts and trying to understand Anything. ANything At All#and he was like you have a lot of patience#but honestly i think it's the best way to learn#when you really want to know what something is saying and you have no other way to find out but to listen or read it#and like. figure it out#its my favourite way#and at the end the graph flattens out bc like it gets boring again right#this is why we start learning new languages when we plateau#bc we miss the fun
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someone who is good at reading too much into nothing pls analyze my dream
#i had this weird dream where i was looking for an apartment like always and i went to this one that i guess was a townhouse#but it was a whole house but it was attached like an apartment and had a hallway and everything but i went the first time#to see it and i was like holy shit bc it had 4 bedrooms and it was literally like 4000 square feet and it was 1300 a month#and i was like well yeah of course i want this but the vibe feels so off ? but idk why so i went to some others and whatever but#i was like it's stupid not to take that one when it is literally bigger than a house and so i went to see it again#and i was like the vibe is still so off but it's such a nice place :( so anyway i kept walking around and i was leaving and there were#other people there touring it too and i was like does anyone hear that ? and the realtor was like yeah it's the downstairs neighbors again#theyre always fighting and it was literally 2 people screaming their lungs out at each other but she didnt care she just started stomping#and i was like girl i do not think that's how you solve that but ok. then i was like wow it's like my old haunted apartment irl where#my neighbors would quite literally throw each other into the walls at 3am and then i was like omg that's why the vibe feels off#and then i remembered i had researched the place and found out two little girls died there and i was like ok yeah. i dont want this#so i kept walking to find the exit and then i saw 2 little girls ! climbing up the stairs and like flickering in and out of the light#like movie ghosts and i was like OMG there they are and they were talking to me and i was like How is no one else seeing this but#they were talking to ME directly and i was like pls stop talking to me like i was so scared and what they were saying to me was like#we're yours now like we're staying with YOU and then they walked up the stairs and out the door#and i was like oh great now i have ghosts attached to me and i was sooooo scared i dont even know why and then i went outside#and i was talking to these two people i had met inside the place and i was suspicious so i was like where are you from ?#like what country ? bc i figured no one who was a ghost could answer that for some reason lmaooo and they couldnt answer and i#was like yeah i knew it youre ghosts and they were like yeah we are and so i was like What the fuck is going on then i remembered the girls#and i was like where did they even go#anyway then i went back home to wherever i was living and surprise surprise the ghost girls were there and i was like i literally#cannot do this and i was so scared again and like they were just normal little girls but i was so scared and anyway they were like#you have to help us find out who killed us and then we can leave you like ok how very ghost whisperer but i was like ok i will help you#and then i remembered if i help them then i will get to see one person i know who died. which i guess was just a rule or something.#and then i was like oh yeah my husband died. if i help them then i can see him again#then anyway i had to leave bc work was calling me and then i got in my dead husbands incredibly small car which i couldnt even see out of#it was so small and then i was driving on the pch ? and there was so much traffic and i had to make a u turn and i fell off a cliff. the en#the thing that's so strange about it is how scared i was like irl i was breathing so hard when i woke up and literally had goosebumps like#idk i feel like it was a warning but for what lmao#i did go look at apartments this weekend and i did find one that is fine but it's not haunted at all the vibe was nothing u know
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Hey all!! I managed to see the sonic 3 movie a day BEFORE it officially released (THATS RIGHT THE 19TH BABY!!!) and OH BOY WAS IT SOMETHING
IT WAS SO GOOD I WAS FUCKING INSANE THE ENTIRE TIME
I ALSO GOT A LIMITED EDITION POSTER??? READ IT AND WEEP BOYS
(and here is the promo cutout they had, I wish I could've taken it home 😭)
And lemme tell y'all, your fears did not come true!!! There were no fatphonic jokes (that I saw at least) and the gun uniforms were not as they seemed.
I only have one (1) bad thing to say about this movie, which I can't say here, spoilers.
Anyways, I liveblogged (what I could, my fingers could NOT type fast enough) my thoughts in a draft. One of my irls (you know who you are) requested to see my thoughts, so I figured I'd post them
Without further ado,
Sonic 3 spoilers below the cut
"You lost her when you were so young, but you didn't let that pain change you. You stayed the same, in here (points to his heart)"
GUYS IM IM IM!!!!!!!!!!
"we need team sonic" "who chose that name?"
Did they suddenly conscript these children?? Are they that pathetic??? ALSO WHY DIDNT MADDIE OR TOM PUT UP A FIGHT PLEASE GUYS
"talk about a low budget flight, no food or movies? We're outta here" THEY SAID THE THING THE THING THE THING THEY SAID IT
HES GOT A SICKASS ENERGY GUN????
HE DOES THE AKIRA SLIDE UP A SKYSCRAPER?
Also he,,, he has the LIVE AND LEARN THEME EVERYTIME HE DOES SOMETHING COOL
THE RESTAURANT IS CALLED "CHAO GARDEN"
THEY CALLED HIM THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM!!!!!
DUDE STONE ALSO HAS A SICK ASS MOTORCYCLE???? HIS INTRODUCTION IS HIM DODGING A MISSLE
A WHITE MAN DIED ON SCREEN????? Ohhh this is how they're gonna frame sonic
"please join me in the crab" STONE YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST MAN EVER
"the person I trust most in the world" STONEBOTNIK CONFRIMED????
Bro needs his hedgehog electric shock fix 💀💀
WAS MARIA ON EARTH???
Shadow: >:(
Maria: >:)
BLANKET FORT??? 😭😭😭😭
Gerald: *sees a grieving child* what if I manipulate him into being my weapon
THE MENTION OF KNUCKLES AND GHOSTS!! PUMPKIN HILL!!!
THEYRE SO GAY???? STONEBOTNIK WE ARE WINNING
Also he hasn't gotten another shirt this is fucking wonderful 😭😭
OH MY GOD HES BISEXUAL I DIDNT KNOW THAT
"where'd you go hedgehog, I wasn't done trauma dumping"
"LIKE TWO CHARACTERS IN A MOVIE BEING PLAYED BY THE SAME ACTOR" (looks at fourth wall)
I need someone to check if all the quiz questions are true, please
THEY BOTH NEED THEIR HEDGEHOG SHOCK FIX
Damb, not the kink shaming from eggman
"GOOD ONE HOT TOPIC" IM GOING TO SCREAM
YEAHH THE WRITING IN THE PRISON CELL
YEAHHH ECLIPSE CANNON TIME!!!
"holy crab"
"spacious and cretaceous"
"the crab flies :)"
OH YEAH RESOLVING THE DADDY ISSUES
NOO STONE NOT THE GAY LONGING :(((
"don't be bad parents—" "YEAHHH THEYRE GOOD PARENTS"
LASERS FROM SA2!!!! BTW GUYS THE PARENTS ARE IN GUN UNIFORMS BC THEYRE SNEAKING IN!!! THEYRE SPIES!!!!
Knuckles is guardian of the emerald alone 😭
REVENGE GUAC!!!!
Uh oh, Gerald isn't so nice? :(
JIM CARREY GOT MOVES
Break glass in case of emergency!!
NO WAIT TO SHOOT A CHILD WHAT THE FUCK GUN
OH SHIT DID THEY ACTUALLY KILL HIM???
THE REALISTIC FOUR PENETRATING NIPPLES
Stone 😭😭😭 STONEEE 😭😭😭😭
"I already lost you once I can't lose you again" STONE
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LIVE TOM PLEASE
SONIC NO
THE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
Man :((( they didn't shoot her directly :(((
Uh ohhh robotnikkkk youu should've listened to stoneeee
HE WENT SUPER
NOT THE PARTHANON
NOT THE SUICIDAL HEDGEHOG
Just two besties,,,, chilling on the moon
"you always have a choice"
Mantis robotnik,,, kinda hot 😳
WHITE MAN DOWN 🥳🥳🎉🎉
HE PULLED OUT THE CHAOS SPEARS!!!
DO IT DO IT PISS ON THE MOON PLEASE
HE PISSED ON THE MOON
So sonic + shadow are fine without air but tails isn't???
HES TAKING OF THE INHIBITORS!!!
"I love the way you make it"
THE BEST WE'LL GET TO AN I LOVE YOU GUYS WE DID IT
OTHER WHITE MAN ALIVE 🥳🥳🎉🎉
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Hear me out on this one, WHAT IFFFFF mulan inspired reader🤔🤔🤔 they we're fighting any ROR god and that god fell inlove with her🤭 leaving the fight to a tie cause i said so😒
Like reader was a masked assassin, they have this mask/helmet that covers their head and wears those heavy bulletproof vest so they look really intimidating and mysterious plus they don't really talk much cause they're an assassin🧍♀️So when brunhilde recruited the reader to fight for humanity without knowing that they're a woman maybe because they just nod and did an 👌 sign.
Fast forward to when they're already fighting the reader having the weapon of switching to any guns they chose they suddenly got bonked to the side smashing their mask injuring them in the process (and possibly giving a concussion) the whole arena goes "OMG- THEYRE A WOMAN !??!!🤯🤯😱😱" (cause yk how they only have men competing) anyways- while they're all shocked the reader then used this opportunity to pin the god they're fighting and point a pistol to their head and looking at em straight in the eye 🫣 feel free to add more😏
So live laugh strong badass women than can kill you😍
-Red Obsidian was your nickname, your codename, a feared codename of one of history’s most powerful assassins.
-Nobody knew you true identity, as you were always masked, always hidden, those who had managed to see you were usually your targets, who never survived.
-You hide yourself well, your Red Obsidian persona was a completely different person, a man, as you wore baggy clothes, padded with tactical gear, and a large helmet to hide your face.
-Ask anyone who had seen you, those who had hired you, would say that Red Obsidian was a man, which helped keep authorities off your tail when you went out and about in normal girly clothes.
-Those who needed your service went to a secret location, one that only those who know where to find you, would tell people to go. They were to leave a photo of their target and your payment, either cash but you did take payments of gemstones, both cut and uncut.
-If your payment turned out to be fake or counterfeit, then you would go after the one ordering the hit, as nobody double crossed you and got away with it.
-When you finally died, dying in an earthquake of all things, you were called to Valhalla, as you were a feared warrior, one that Valhalla would need.
-You didn’t have to do hits anymore, but you would stalk various people, for exercise and for fun, both gods and humans.
-When Ragnarok was announced, Brunnhilde approached you, asking you to fight for humanity.
-You were silent, as you didn’t talk, but you gave her a thumbs up, agreeing to fight for humanity, as it was something to stave off your boredom.
-Your valkyrie partner was the only one to figure out that you were a woman, when she fused with your soul, to create your weapon, a Holy Gun, which could change into different guns at your will. You asked her to remain quiet about your true self, as you preferred to not be bothered by others who you know would give you shit if they found out their killer was a woman.
-Your opponent was strong, giving you a real challenge, a real fight. You were a bit out of your element, as you were an assassin, you usually handled things from a distance away with a well-aimed bullet, you couldn’t do that in the stadium like this.
-You had taken a few hard hits, felt even through your padding, the pain felt exhilarating, you felt so alive!
-A bad blow to the head sent you spinning head over heels, blurring your vision only momentarily before you quickly rolled to your feet, grabbing you gun again to aim another shot.
-You felt lighter, and you froze, seeing your hair fluttering in the wind and that’s when you saw the gawking face of your opponent and everyone around you, “YOU’RE A GIRL?!?!”
-You stood, sighing softly as you rubbed the back of your head, exasperated while you heard shouting from your previous targets, yelling at you because you were a girl.
-You flipped them off, not caring before you removed your padded gear, since your secret was out, not caring now, stripping down to a pair of tight yoga pants and a pink and black sports bra.
-You picked up your gun again and grinned, “Don’t go easy on me now!” before you charged, leaping up, even more agile than before, your opponent dodging your bullets by mere centimeters.
Hercules
-Was stunned to see that he had been fighting a woman this whole time, guilt quickly building in his belly before you charged at him.
-You were a warrior, not just a woman, and he steeled his nerves, swinging at you again.
-You landed on top of his club with dainty grace, shocking everyone as the two of you played a cat and mouse game for a while.
-You stunned everyone when you managed to leg sweep him off of his feet, sending him to his back and you were quick to stand over him, your gun pointed between his eyes.
-You were both panting hard, both covered in wounds as you stood in a stalemate.
-Hercules immediately boomed, “MARRY ME!!”
-Everyone gawked, including yourself, as you were stammering, face turning red like you were a maiden, leaping back.
-Hercules repeated himself, completely serious while many were cheering for the sudden proposal while others were telling him to kill you now that you had been taken off guard.
-You felt your head steaming, as you had never dealt with anything like this before, before you clutched your gun and whacked him on the head, sending him to the ground before you fell back, unable to take his passion anymore and you fainted.
-The battle ended in a draw, the first of Ragnarok, but the first thing you saw when you woke up was Hercules smiling down at you, worried about you, asking if you were okay.
-Your face was quickly red again, as you never had someone care about you before, before Hercules grabbed your hands in his own, proposing again.
Loki
-He instantly blocked a kick from you, still a bit stunned that you were a woman, annoyance quickly building that a woman had been kicking his ass for the whole of the match.
-He charged, holding his chained blades in his hands and was stunned when you caught his wrists, flipping him over in a monkey flip, landing so you were straddling his waist, your gun, now a handgun, pointed between his eyes.
-You felt his blades against your torso, locking you in a stalemate as either one of you could kill each other in an instant.
-Everything was still for a moment, everyone was looking at you both, seeing which one would strike first.
-Loki then smirked up at you, his tongue licking his lips, “Now this is a sight~ I just wish you sat just a bit lower~”
-Your bitch slap, sending him flying across the stadium, was heard even outside the stadium as you were bright red, shouting at him, calling him a pervert.
-Your cute reaction was amusing to see by everyone as the match ended in a draw and you ran to the backstage area, holding your cheeks like you were a pure maiden.
-He showed up to your room after you were both patched up a bit later and before you could slam the door in your face, he quickly slipped inside, hugging you as you tried to get him away, “Don’t be so cold~” he found your flushed face amusing and became a pest that never seemed to want to leave you alone, as he found himself intrigued with this strong battle maiden who reacted so cutely with affection.
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ok before I tweak out and forget how to words:
your writing of quinns character is phenomenal.
this is what I thought quinn was going to be like in the cannon. Give me someone who's absolutely bat shit CRAZY. someone that would warrant this level of fear and who could manage to keep pulling fast ones on tank, who we've all established to be pretty fucking strong. this quinn does his research and hits where it hurts, and he's not gonna keep sending lackeys to do everything for him THIS BITCH IS ON THE SCENE!!! IM SICK. AND THE FUCKING VIDEO??????????????? BAZ???????? IMGOING TO END UP ON THE NEWS IF YOU KEEP THIS UP. I'm not the biggest fan of angst, but even the cannon quinn was too soft for me. i thought he was going to be wayyyy more involved and psycho than just seeing the damage second hand, BUT THE STORY ISNT OVER!!! i trust erik has something devious planned and if he doesn't,,,,, we know we can count on u to fix that
I trust that u, have something even MORE devious planned. I'm scared pls don't hurt me,,,, I would say bc im in your walls but that just seems like bad taste after reading this
TANKFIGHTSCENETANKFIGHTSCENETANKFIGHTSCENE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
u thought i was done? no I yap
I lob fight scenes sm but it reveals sm about characters, tank knows they're tough shit and their endurance sometimes trumps their strength. even as wounded as they were, they still managed to take down a grown ass man mostly through spite, but that need to win or that need to be in control of the fight was strong enough to make them keep going. tank was in hella abusive relationship w quinn (surprise surprise), he clearly had huge control over them - so instead of having the emotional advantage (being able to manipulate, gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss), they got left the physical one. theyre so used to just tough it out that it became the main way they handle everything. IM STILL SICK SOMEONE HELP MY BABY.
and them subconsciously running towards the 10-19 while they were trying to hide or escape or WTV THE FUCK DARLIN YOU DUMB FUCK YOU JUST CONFIRMED THAT THIS PLACE IS A SAFE SPACE FOR U AND YOURE TRYING TO RUN AWAY?????? please please pleeeeaaaassseeeeee talk to david holy shit I'm going crazy
and them only giving out when david grabs them... I'm not even gonna say a damn thing.....it's all right there,,,,,,, what do you want from me
it's 9am what a lovely way to start my day 😙😙
-🦀
CRAB ANON MY FRIEND!!!!!!
I’m so glad you liked this chapter. I was thinking about you when I was posting btw, wondering how you’d like this one. There are a handful of more batshit crazy chapters coming up and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
My drive in a lot of my long form fanfics is to amend or at least tailor aspects of canon to my taste. Quinn was an asshole in canon for sure. A literal murderer. And I think we’ll get a further look at that before his time is through, but what I really wanted was a Fight to subdue him in the first place, a struggle to get him out of Darlin’s life. It felt… too easy. And maybe that’s a red herring in canon, but I figured, my story, I’m making him as horrific as he was talked up to be in canon.
You are very correct, Carb Anon. I do have something more devious in store. And nobody- NOBODY is safe.
I’m glad you enjoyed the fight scene!! Honestly I have a hard time writing action in the particular prose that I tend to use in narrative stories, so I tend to use them as vehicles for character exploration. I try to stray away from telegraphing each individual blow and more towards creating a particular ~vibe~ to communicate what I wanted to. If I’m not using the fight scene to achieve a secondary, character purpose, then I’m not putting it in there. I don’t know how many of my readers have been involved in a good old fashioned fist fight, but I think this style of writing them is useful to communicate how they can feel. They’re often very fast, only a few seconds, and a flurry of punches and kicks and yells. It hardly ever has the sort of organization and strategizing that we see in fictional fights. Darlin’ doesn’t fight like an action hero. They fight like an animal trying to survive, and I hope that their narrative through the fight communicated that.
And oh yeah, the relationship with Quinn was very very abusive, although they don’t now and maybe never will see it exactly that way. Darlin’ has a hard time seeing themself as a victim, not because of any pride or anything but because they have a hard time accepting that they can be victimized and not the perpetrator, or at least responsible for the abuse they suffer in some way. So Quinn goes from a sadistic abuser to an “asshole who, yeah, hit them sometimes and burned them and cut them and scarred them, but they gave as good as they got and they probably deserved all that anyway, and what unlucky bastard would ever treat them any better than that?” And he’s still got his roots in them. I think, genuinely, that they still love him in a way. They have a big heart, no matter what they try to portray, and they can’t just turn it off.
And YEAH even if their brain can’t process that they’re safe there, the soft animal of their body does know it, in a deep, subconscious way. And their body also knows that David is safe, safer than most people, safer than they are with themself. They’re running on fumes after the fight and when they reach David their body just goes “oh he’s here? Great. ✌️”
Anyway, can’t wait to deal with the aftermath in the next chapter. Hopefully we’ll have another update soon!! Thanks so much for reading and sending these asks in buddy, they seriously make my day.
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I haven't done the update analysis the past month, so here it is!
I love the boys going into dungeons, and this update made me very happy!
now that I'm remembering it, they may or may not have gotten the map of this dungeon, if the second option is true its just Twilight guessing from the ruins
and isn't that so cool, this guy literaly is figuring out an ancient structure by just the ruins it left in the future. The photography memory this man has
i know this might not contribute anything but i want to check if i am not the only one that sees each one with a different emotion jksfjkds
left is sad, central is happy and right is angry, idk love when objects has faces
alright there's something happening between Legend and Wind, its clear
They haven't talked that much after their discussion in the Sunset arc, so there might be things that haven't been finished or that we didn't get to see between them
idk he seemed like that img "almost got into a fist fight with a 13 yo" or smth like that
Legend has learned a lot from his adventures, memorizing common dungeon puzzles and how to solve them, maybe he even got this puzzle wrong once, that would explain how he already knows about this problem and that can't be undone. I doubt the goddesses would throw their hero with a manual for dungeons
Also Wild has been very quiet during this update
Time still worries about Twilight, he just recovered from an injury that almost kill him, getting his strength back from that is impressive, but still he isn't sure if his descendant is completely healed
mf moving a whole block by himself if this isn't prove that he got his strength at least mostly back idk what it is
remember when i said that Wild had been very quiet? well
He doesn't know how dungeons exactly work, yes Warriors doesn't either, but Wild is more used to go with whatever solution he can find
The captain follows stragety, Wild follows luck, if there's something that can probably work he will take that opportunity
Although, he knows that maybe in here that will not work, but he still wants to feel useful and learn from this strange area for him
Wind telling him this might mean two things; 1. For the space of the corridor they would just be getting in the way and this is more for technical mobility, or 2. They don't really need their help right now, why bother to offer themselves if they will get told to move from the way?
something that i just noticed: is that a mirror? If so, i feel this dungeon will have some light puzzles, or maybe is just decoration, who knows
This place seems very related to owls, these birds being seen as a symbol of Wisdom, and i have seen a lot of people relating it with the Zeldas
with how things are going and Jojo's words, you all maybe aren't that far from the truth
again, mirror indicating that maybe this is a light puzzle, also that this structure is too similar to Hylia's statue in sksw, maybe is related?
not much to say here. love these two.
its very interesting (at least for me) that Four is the one that we see in this pannel, yes maybe he was the closest and thats why, but if we try to give it a more detailed explanation this might just reference him not trusting the magic that Twi uses to transform, he still thinks that its dangerous and would turn agains't them if they aren't careful
obviously this is where they split, going together will make dificult traverse the corridors with how things went the past update wiht the skulltula
also holy shit can we appreciate the backgrounds? i love the perspective its so cool
alr folks now is time for my fav pannels/parts of the update without further context!
i love when theyre small 🤏look at em
beautiful update im happy to finally share my thoughts i've been having them for a while jksfhdjk
as always art credits to @linkeduniverse!
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu update#lu analysis#i saw someone say that maybe soon we get another update so i decided to make finally the analysis post lol#excited for what is going to happend yesyes#i talk
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pleeease keep talking about toys...i think this is interesting and smth i've never thought too hard about but it makes sense and i like to hear your opinions on modern toys
(ask pertaining to this post)
holy shit okay !! i would love to ramble on so, i shall!
okay im no expert on toy sales history, this is all just observation from my life experiences and i'll try to keep each part i want to go over relatively short!
that being said lets start with a small one that i've personally noticed as a canadian: Kinder egg toys! i remember when they used to come with like 4-8+ pieces, and you needed the included step by step manual to assemble them. they would often come with sticker sheets to decorate them with, and they would often be articulated or be set on wheels or have some sort of fun or movement or general functionality to them:
dont those look awesome? wrapped in 2 kinds of chocolate, and for only like 2$! i remember they would come in all shapes and sizes, all sorts of animals and vehicles and sometimes freaky little abominations, as you can see above, and sometimes even puzzles! they were such a special treat as a kid.
but kinder eggs now? come with a maximum of like 3 pieces that just snap together (usually the front and back of the toy, and then the platform they stand on). and thats all they mostly are now, stiff toys that stand on platforms wahhooooo yippeee
idk just look at the quality difference from the old ones above compared to some of the new ones:
like..... these are..... nothing! literally nothing. just a figure snapped to a pole/platform and thats it! not very interesting for more than 3 minutes max.
now i know what you're thinking: "not ALL of the old kinder toys had to have been bangers" and you'd be right, some were lame as hell, but even the lame ones from before look more intricate than the ones we have now, like can you see what i mean, just detail-wise?
it just feels so cheap and shitty, i could go on and on but more is explained later. point is, it sucks.
anyway that's a very small example and we can move onto bigger and better ones, and maybe even one that everyone else might have noticed by now; McDonald's toys! remember when they were actually toys?
and not just stiff figurines?
(the minions franchise was like CRACK for companies who love making profit off of nothing but stiff rounded plastic. probably the cheapest form of "toy" i can think of)
and yeah, again, its not like there werent figurines back in the day too, there's ALWAYS been lame as hell mcdonalds toys, but looking among many modern mcdonalds toys, you dont see anything as cool as the old ones. literally every major modern movie/franchise right now is nothing but figurines. the most recent actually interactive mcd's toy ive seen is when they collabed with hasbro games
again, companies just seem to be pumping out quantities over quality.
but why?
well, for starters toys are becoming cheaper (both in price and quality) because prices have sky rocketed and stores are forced to only stock cheaper things, therefore the cheap things sell the most, and then more of them get made, and statistics get fucked, etc etc the cycle repeats.
but toy companies know one thing, and that's that things that are "cuter" always sell more. "cuter" being used with vitriol because their idea of 'cute' is 'more glitter and sparkles and rainbow colours and obnoxiousness' oh, and dont forget the huge soulless bug eyes on all of them!
i know that people love these things, but theyre so..... uncanny. their stare is piercing, their stance is so stiff, i always felt bad actually playing with the only one of these i had growing up, and not just because it freaked me out, it just genuinely didnt feel good to play with.
and i knoowwwww people are obsessed with these things, but come on, you have to admit theyre SO unoriginal! theyre just cookie cutter shapes!
these things are horrifying and, at best, belong on a shelf.
these "beany boos" are so woobified and almost feel like a flanderized version of a stuffed animal, and they've completely taken over "beanie babies", which were wonderful soft little things that actually had movement and weren't stiff to cuddle! I also feel like they're almost trying to copy what webkinz was, in a way, as some of those were stiff too (but still loveable and not burdened with an uncanny, vacant stare)
anyway this is getting insanely long and im sorry but i feel like im going insane every time i see new toys nowadays. the like.... "cuteification" of everything is driving me insane, and the fact that they are simply just lower quality than what we used to get, because of prices rising and causing easy-to-make things to become more and more popular.
examples to further prove these points:
extreme woobifying or "cuteification" by almost completely removing all horse anatomy in favour of thin limbs, heavy makeup eyes that are now on the front of her face, and modern influencer eyebrows. on a horse.
and the extreme-simplifying of toys can be seen quite well on those mini polly pocket sets!! see this one here?
almost allllll of those little plastic things could be rotated or rearranged or moved or fucked with in some manner, it was awesome. i loved these miniature houses they always came with so much shit. wanna guess what the newer ones look like?
you guessed it, like shit!!
man even beyblades used to come with like, all sorts of different pieces both metal and plastic alike, and you had to assemble them yourself and you could interchange pieces to obtain a different weight which would affect your attacks against other beyblades, etc etc:
and looking at them now? they seem to be mostly made of- yep, you guessed it, hard cheap plastic.
anyway holy shit i literally reached the 30 image limit on a single post tumblr really said thats ENOUGH !! i cant believe i just spent that long talking about the worlds most pointless thing but at any rate i hope you enjoyed it and i hope you see my vision. because like i said im not insanely knowledgeable on any of this in particular, but its hard not to notice the decline in quality of all of todays modern toys.
#i didnt even go off about the entire brand of toys that exist just to shit in a cup after you feed it chemical mixtures#and i literally cant ive talked soooo much on this post i need to go smoke weed and to go bed LOL#00#03
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Ooooo if we’re talking Ashikai- what did you think of her Childe inspiration analysis? I’m not asking about how it may or may not apply to ur fic (though that sounds fun if your up for it!! I just love ur star foxes. Then again… not mutually exclusive ig) but what u thought of it!! I hardly get to talk to anyone about them and ooooough theyre such good videos and leave me reeling everytime.
her childe video was so fucking good holy shit. also i absolutely agree, her videos always leave me sitting there like 'holy fuck', even if sometimes i knew half the stuff she was bringing up, but the way she mixes it with the real-life research and stuff has me,,,,,,,, it's so good,,,
i think the only video that never like- surprised me? or told me something i didn't know or hadn't already like- figured out myself? was the latest one, the one about adepti and their visions. but that's bc i've uh. read xianxia before. so like. you read one xianxia, you know how it's going to go. when she said genshin was a xianxia i was like thank you, that's what i've been saying hahah,,, it was still such a good video, i really liked it;;
#almost choked when she pulled up jc's life falling apart just to use the golden core imagery tho#like ow#you could've just used wwx holding wzl's core :( no need to stab me#anyway#i love all her theories and when i agree with some wholeheartedly i will like- add the headcanon to a fic?#not to say i disagree with most of her theories. p sure i agree with most#but like-#some rely far more in things we don't yet know about the game and adding them to a fic would only really overcomplicate things#hence why i just normally stick to basic headcanons and our current understanding#like logically i've always known we have no confirmation that zhongli is actually a dragon at all#but it's just so much easier to go with the headcanon that he is (even though it's likely incorrect)#than to like- overcomplicate by trying to come up with a brand new explanation#and missing out on the potential characterization from just taking it at face value and going ok. assuming he's a dragon#same with childe#so uh#yeah lmao thank you!
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SMUT REQUEST
HI!!!! uhmmm i love the way you write SO MUCH!!!! i was hoping for a requessttt!! i CANNOT stop thinking abt this scenario, i truly hope i inspire you and get u to write my idea 😭😭 i love your work sm!! i feel like my writing lacks so much english vocab when it comes to smut writing, so thats why im here,,, asking such a LOVELY WRITER BTW like damn
respectfully,
- carmine
(p.s, if this ask is too long, im debating to write this idea out but im so scared to post a smut :(( tysm if u consider doing my req!!)
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context
very close with march, comfy enough to talk about stuff, gossips, anything really, helps each other, close enough with stelle as well
oc!reader trailblazer (not caelus or stelle) having a natural allure, ur so kind, naturally motherly figure like, perfect lover type shit aura, always caring for others, AND oc!reader skillful af (any weapon y/n uses) voluptuous, flexible and speedy as shit, (im fast asf boi) but basically,,, think of,,, a hot and caring killing machine lmfao, her morals are more on the good side, shes kind, all that, but when it comes to battle, holy shit who tf is this mf??? battle lust, ruthless, relentless wtf (and the dynamic and duality of oc!reader seems to naturally attract the men who witnessed both oc!readers combat skills and being acquainted enough to know that this mf is like, the dream goddam)
the hsr men that you encountered are so obviously attracted to u, have the hots for you (canon way to their characters ofc), they all ask march annoyingly, still trying to be respectful to her whenever they can, just to try to get to know oc!reader, mfs cant muster up the courage to GET CLOSER WITH OC!READER!! and march got so fed up that she devised a plan, classic march yk?
— march basically got fed up abt the hsr men asking her about oc!reader (but not because of jealousy n shit, nonono shes happy and amused that her bff is that hot to them and shes so proud of herself for being close n shit) she adds all the men to a gc, and her being the mastermind yk texts and gathers them to a place (be it belobog, xianzhou u choose) and march PLANS to let the curious, secretly needy for ur attention, men eavesdrop in another room.
— SO!!! AND THERE THE SCENE PLAYS!! march had gathered welt, dan heng, gepard, jing yuan shit all of them, they felt so guilty abt this but they were too curious about you, march asked a clueless stelle to accompany her and oc!reader to this whole,,,, situation lmfao, march then asks subtly, not too obvious abt what she thinks about these hsr men.
— you talk abt them so nicely, with details, about yk, all of them one by one, ur so nice, so caring, every voice is filled with affection, march sweating in the bg cause of the hidden men within the room listening in like pervs lmfao
uh oh
— following the display of affectionate words ur clueless fat (butt) ass, march asks a question, a question that would change everything and reveal another side to her, a specific one, subtly nsfw and not at the same time, yk, to not be obvious, "so.. uhh y/n, would you wanna get close to them? one of them at least?"
— oc!reader: "without a doubt, but they... i feel like theres a certain hesitancy of... air around them? a wall? distance? (big sultry pout sigh that lets the men listening in shiver grrrr)" leaving the men ashamed as fuckkk from their hesitancy to get close with oc!trailblazer lmaoooo
march, (narrowing her eyes, disappointed at the eavesdropping hsr men lmao): "... i think they're just complete losers! :D *ahem* how close do you-"
oc!trailblazer/reader, (mf blushing): "-yes."
march: "???? oookay..." (contemplates to ask one of sampos questions, before finally getting the courage to ask) "so... y/n... would you want to be intimate with them? like- you kn-"
oc!trailblazer: "yes." (eyes become fogged with lust as she begins to fantasize about them, not knowing theyre in a hidden room)
march: "???!!!)_9_(__(($#)"!!2?????? o-okay! ahah! uhm... w-who are you thinking of in specif-"
oc!trailblazer: "...i dont care, i can take them all, and not in a fight..." (huffing subtly lmao)
march: "?????????????????? BITCH? HUH???"
oc!trailblazer: [insert slutty horny shit, absolutely bewildering both stelle and march, not knowing the HSR MEN ARE ALL LISTENING]
oc!trailblazer: [insert more slutty whore-y shit, if given the chance she would want to take all of their thick cocks <3 also getting carried away as she forgets march and stelle are with her]
march & stelle: [appropriate canon response of their close friend being so fucking horny]
hsr men eavesdropping: (both horny and disbelief and looking at each other like the spiderman meme shit idk let your imagination run wild)
— lets not forget the men eavesdropping and listening to the one whom they admired talk about getting fucked ruthlessly and mercilessly by all of them, gangbang, as shes finally expressing her inner slut to march and stelle LMAO, u can add their reacts too behind the hidden room conpartment reacting to oc!trailblazer!
—
yeah i
this is one of my ideas and obsessions so i hope u take inspiration and do this... in your own way ofcs! i just typed out dialogues n shit for a clear idea of what im going for, if u read all this thank you so much for at least reading and i hope all kinds of inspiration hit you like a truck !! 😭
Hello there Carmine <3 First of, thanks for the love for my writing like please I'm blushing from your niceness 🤗
Reading through your idea I think I could write up something quick. Maybe the reader is going on about her fantasies of taking the men and then in the other room describing their reactions and thoughts. You say reader and Stelle are different right? I'll keep that in mind while writing.
Also you said that you wanted to try writing this but are scared...I say go for it!! We all start from somewhere. I still remember when I wrote my first few smut fics and they were obviously much worse compared to where I am now but I only got here by writing and writing and I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me. If you really want to, I encourage you to try writing this in your own way :))
Apart from that, I'll try to write this as soon as I can hehe
P.S. No apologizing for being horny and sharing horny thougts. This is a safe space for thirty people huehuehu
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another thing about me: i thought i had non-literal speaking (sarcasm, jokes, expression, etc) figured out but when i started my job. holy shit does it go over my head. i still freak out when i ask my one coworker to watch register so i can use the bathroom and they say no. like i just have to go and hope im guessing right that it was a bit. they made a joke about me talking a lot and i was like "oh ok yeah i guess i talk too much" but it seems like they were making a joke bc theyre the one that talks a lot? also older customers who try to joke w me, i have no clue whats going on. you tell lies for humor, i understand this. why are your bits the same as your serious stories. i dont know you well enough to know the difference. hi welcome back to my theory that customers can develop parasocial behavior with their cashiers bc ???
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Belle!! HI LOVIE I AM BACK WITH MY NOTES
Chapter 7:
ART AND READER CHAPTER 7 AWWWW THEYRE SO CUTE THE ANGEL NICKNAME BUT ALSO PATRICK AND READER THE TENSION AND THE WAY SHE GREETS HIM THE WAY ALL THE OTHER GUYS ARE LIKE… wtf����
Chapter 8:
Patrick and reader getting photographed kissing and hugging in public is actually so cute😭
“you remembered feeling more proud of your best friend than ever before.” Ik what’s coming.. you want me to cry huh 🤔
NAH IM NOT PLAYING RN TASHI WHY ARE YOU TREATING MY GIRL LIKE THIS… she snapped the bracelet… talking about childish.. tashi get real. TASHI STOP TAKING IT OUT ON READER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THERAPY THERAPYYYY AND NOT JS FOR THAT DAMN KNEE OF YOURS. “your mother hates the fact that she had you”😟😟
“For the last five years, I’ve been letting you win.” OH SHIT SHE WENT THERE HOLY FUCK NO I HAD A FEELING OF THIS BC SOMETHING YOU WROTE BEFORE I DONT REMEMBER BUT I DO HOWEVER REMEMBER THINKING.. WHAT IF??
Poor reader :( PATRICK ANSWER THE GIRL WHATS GOING ONNN
Chapter 9:
Ok yeah that pisses me off that he talks to Tashi yet reader trying to talk to Patrick is awful.. like hello!
“The harshness of his voice sent a chill down your spine, making you feel like a stranger in your own relationship.” I’m getting chills myself☹️
ART NOT BELIEVING HER??? And why tf is he talking to tashi THE NIGHT of the fight. Bruh
Reader losing her identity when she lost Tashi I CANT HANDLE THIS
I’m speechless… this whole argument/conversation between reader and art is breaking my heart.
“I do love you,” he promised. “You’re still mine for tonight.” OH FUCK IVE DIED DEAD
I’ve missed reading Guilty as Sin!!! My trip was so good I got to spend so much time with one of my best friends. Your writing is always so good and hits my heart DEEP. Can’t wait to read more🩵🩵 (where’s Patrick…)
BESTIE I’M SORRY I REALLY PUT YOU THROUGH IT!!! 🩷🩷🩷 also you’re such a genius for figuring out that the reader was letting her win, literally an icon 😌 
i’m so glad your trip was fun and that you got to spend time with your friend, those are genuinely the best kinds of holidays 🥰
the last three chapters have been a complete whirlwind and I think it will be a nice change of pace to have a slower patrick chapter that’s coming out tonight!! 🩵
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i just read 55 minutes (bsd)
theres 6 works in the 55 minutes tag
okay. hold up.
spoilers (LIKE HEAVY SPOILERS)
BUT HOW COME NOBODY HAS EVER MENTIONED ATSUSHIS FUCKING TIME TRAVELED AND DAZAI HAS DIED ONCE???
OR DID YALL JUST NOT READ THE BOOK? what is going on here? is 55 minutes underrated or do people just not read it and write fanfiction
THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL HERE GUYS?????
cause like holy fucking shit
HE GOT FUCKING STABBED (also haha spoiler everyone died. and then time went brrr. anyway now i know that theres actually a plan to revive dazai- cause you can stay alive for a few minutes- maybe like 2 once your heart stops, yosano i think mentioned it too the latest anime season, i cant remember the number but during that time yknow what i mean. but basically revive him with electricity, like those defibrillator things, and then theres a 0.5 second window before the blood reaches the brain that lets yosano use her ability. safe to say they gotta be fast man)
also there were so many twists im sobbing
*heavy blink*
okay so anyway they made friends with a terrorist LMFAO
well atsushi did, pog for him
he tried his best but hes also a little dumb sometimes (when tied up and interrogated, WHO JUST BLURTS OUT WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR so then they think 'oh, theyre definitely working with the terrorists', WHAT WAS THAT- StOP tAlKiNG YOUr THoUGHTs OUT LOud BUDDY? - - wait no because that guy was the actual terrorist though)
oh my god just trying to think on the two timelines is messing with my head and trying to figure out why people did what they did
WAIT DID GAB REMEMBER??/ the logically i think the limit was one person to be sent back but akutagawa was too by pure coincidence, and gab had apparently killed wells over and over to get her skill to turn back time so LoGICALLY he mustve ended up killing her after they went back so he got her skill and then turned back too oh my god my head hurts its too early to think about this
GUYS WHERE ARE YOU 55 MINUTE READERS THAT WAS THE TENSEST 55 MINUTES OF MY LIFE
#55 minutes#55 minutes novel#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs spoilers#manga spoilers#light novel spoilers#bsd light novel#bsd spoilers#bsd#thoughts
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i am losing it the tiniest bit .
googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.
and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.
and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).
and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.
whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her
and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense
and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore
but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out
and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!
and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .
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grabbing u by the jugular YOU. i have never seen anyone simultaneously into fangans + enstars + milgram besides me. im no longer a rare breed. i have found a fellow eldritch horror. holy shit
anw hiiii teehee u shld loredump abt that one blond dr oc u made im obsessed w ur art now
i am into So many unrelated things its unreal im crazy
ALSO OMG NOBODUS EVER ASKED AB MY OCS ON HERE GRABS YOU im gonna dump some doodles including the one i posted here :P
(the person beside kie in the 2nd one is my other oc teq, theyre. insane)
SOOOO!!!! his name is kieryuu hinagiku if u cant read my handwriting (oops) n hes the ultimate actor !! not a very original talent but i figured with his personality itd be pretty funny to see how thatd play out
i originally just wanted to make a new oc because i got bored and was thinking but recently ive Also been getting back into dr so i was like hey!! i could make a dr oc!!! and so i did. i always like making antag-aligned characters (the only non-antag character ive made is romeo and hes just a freak) so unfortunately kieryuu is. also antag. what a loser BOO GET OFF THE STAGE
when i was asking for name suggestions @yumeoarakawa suggested the name "kie" and i was like THAT GOES HARD and kie kinda sounds 消える (kieru, meaning to vanish or disappear) but i didnt want to make it too obvious that was the word i thought of so i went for kieryuu instead !!! but i also just call him kie for funsies . his last name means daises cuz hes a stupid idiot twink
AS FOR KIE'S PERSONALITY!! at first he comes off as timid and shy and low self esteem and all that but if you say anything more than "its nice to meet you my name is x whats your name ok cool thanks bye" he immediately unfurls himself to be the most stuck up horrible piece of shit you could ever meet. bro seems to only care about being "cute" and thinks that everything bad he says or does can be justified by his cuteness and talent . if asked why he doesnt just act as sweet as he does on stage so people like him more he'd probably respond with some shit like "that's way too much effort for someone as cute as me, y'know..? plus, whatever people think doesn't matter as long as i'm being good for the camera.."
he doesnt rlly care much ab anything that doesnt have to do with him but he Is very lonely and actively tries to talk to people (even if they all hate his bitchass Lol)
itty bitty kie doodle for u <3 TY FOR ASKING <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
#☆ apollo answers#artpollo#TY SOOOO MUCH FOR ASKING ABOUT MY CRINGEFAIL KIE#KILL HIM WITH HAMMERS#kieryuu hinagiku#apollos ocs
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everyone says theyre having prophecies with glaring discretion and elusiveness. sounds big and important. im just having sensory perceptions of something thats gonna happen to me or near me in about 30 minutes. like smelling a dead animal half a mile down the path im walking. I’ll find it if i walk for 45 more minutes if i dont have to stop and investigate the current surroundings for whatever dead thing is here. Its not here… YET. Youre just given a small warning to prime your gut. A lil heads up. Hey get ready for something that will upset you deeply. I feel like youre all having religious and profound revelations bestowed upon you saying “im having prophecies” meanwhile my nose ears skin and tongue time skip up to an hour to put the idea in my head that something deeply upsetting is gonna happen to me so it doesnt catch me sideways and abruptly ruin my day. wait maybe thats what youre all experiencjng too when you say youre having prophecies? it does kind of feel like youre responsible watching the seeds get sowed into the soil and not being able to dig them out. in a weird way i think i could understand them being deemed prophecies. But idk to me theyre visions not prophecies and I know theres no discerning discrepancies between those two words but to me they convey two different types of experiences. In MY head. Every word & its synonyms mean EXTREMELY specific things to me that seldom reflect the reality of the linguistic nuance and discussions around it LOL its like made up in my head. visions and prophecies and premonitions all mean distinctly different things TO ME!!! and probably no one else. idk. I dont have people i can talk to about these experiences. They happen so much but i know it sounds like im so mentally ill. i just wish it WAS in my head and it never happened but they always come true no matter what. But if it is a byproduct of my mental illness why is my mental illness predicting the future I just don’t understand its not like coincidences its a near-daily thing at this point its just rapidly gotten more and more frequent the more ive paid attention to the details. i know other people experience this shit and i firmly believe everyone is capable of this i just cant like backtrack anymore like it used to be once in a blue moon growing up every few months to every few weeks and the more experience i harbor as i grow up the more frequent theyve become i just never paid attention to it before i just thought oh wow 8th wonder of the world : human intuition and splicing past traumas to current circumstances but now its fucking freaky and idk how to find support groups for this shit. And IDK if its all jokey memey to you guys on tumblr and the prophetic visions and dreams posts are a joke or if it isnt AND impedes you guys to this degree idfk but i would like to find a forum or support group or some sort of confirmation that i am not like alone in this experience and what you think of it.. i just dont know if im experiencing mental illness (in which i’ll say: genuinely study the symptom of being a psychic and sensing the future ASAP because holy shit thats an insane mental illness symptom and could be used by the cia or something LOL) or if i can talk to someone older than me with more experience who deals with this too. i hate it sooo much either my anxieties command reality way too frequently or im predicting the future! thats not in my head dude! its ACTUALLY continuing to happen to me over and over and over. like i know my anxiety is misfiring crazier than it ever has in my life & thst im obsessing over colors and shapes and numbers but i just cant entertain the idea this is in my head when it happens to me every other day, almost every day. i just smell shit coming from a mile away, literally & figuratively lol
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so i finally, finally finally after like 3.5 years of talking about doing it, finally had my appointment for adhd and..it went really well. it was super easy to talk about my symptoms and the doctor was really nice and understanding too. i have another appointment with a psychologist and then one final doctor's visit where ill get medicated around may...its a lot longer than i would like it to be but in the grand scheme of things its like, in a few weeks ill finally have this awful experience of living with adhd put behind me
but like
i feel soooooooooooooo shitty
i think because the actual process was so quick and painless and easy it only took me like maybe an hour or even less than that for the whole visit but it took me OVER THREE YEARS to actually schedule the appointment. im so frustrated because the last few years have been some of the worst in my life where ive been so depressed and desponend and listless because i just. was unable to create anything. adhd has taken so much from me even before i was freelancing, its what fucked me up in school and nuked my experience in college. ive had these problems for so long and there's always been one root cause and all it took to deal with it was a one hour doctors appointment???
i guess im just upset because. if like, any adult in my life took me aside and asked me what was going on they probably could have figured out i had adhd really quickly, but no one ever did that, my parents just called me lazy and stupid and everyone else just assumed i was a slacker. if even one person really tried i could have done all of this years ago and not had to have suffered some of my worst experiences ever over my inability to focus!
i remember calling my mom in tears saying i think i have adhd i think thats why everything is happening the way it did, and she was like "...okay" and did nothing, and then, years later when i tell her yeah i got the appointment everythings in place she was like "pog!!! im so proud of you i knew you could do it yourself. whenever my kids come to me with a problem i just let them handle it alone because theyre so smart xD"
and itslike. do you have any idea how BADLY i would have killed for any sort of help AT ALL. if someone had sat with me and just helped me make the doctors appointment i could have been over this years ago!!!
aaaaa!!! but i cant just act like i did this 100% by myself, i had a lot of friends emphasize with me and tell me about adhd so i could make sure i knew i had it, and a friend gave me the clinic i could go to for screening and another friend told me the effects pills would have on me, etc, ect. ive had a lot of help from people in my life,but in regards to my family they either didnt do shit or punished me for my condition. it makes me so upset to think about
BUT
the worst of it is over, i did the hardest part myself, theres no point in gettng all torn up abt the past all i can really do is look forward to may where i can actually live my life witha functioning fucking brain holy shit. i guess i can get excited for that in spite of everything
if u read this far have a kiss. mwah
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