#so when I started to question my identity and orientation I just started to have less and less in common with people my age

[nightgnome]

this is a really refreshing to hear bc the feeling is mutual, but im 41, and I don’t hear enough 20-somethings talk about being comfortable with friendships with older people

after like 24/25 everyone is the same age to me like i have way more in common with my 46 year old colleague than i do with any 17 year old

[genderqueerdykes]

howdy, this may be a stupid question but I saw a post of yours talking about how men can be lesbians and I'm just a little confused? can some men be lesbians just because they identify with the label? and If people of any gender can be lesbians what does being a lesbian mean? my understanding may be flawed so I would really appreciate help in understanding :3

hello there! not a stupid question!

yep, men can be lesbians simply by identifying with the label, that's all there really is to it! that's how every queer identity except intersex works, in fact! in recent years, we've begun welcoming non binary people into lesbian and gay spaces- so why can't we open the doors to other people? this can be for a variety of reasons why a man would identify as a lesbian, transmascs and trans men who started in the lesbian community and still feel a connection to that identity, bi/multigender men, genderqueer men, genderfluid men, intersex men, bi and pan men who feel like their attraction is gay and lesbian instead of gay and straight, lesbian trans women who are also men, the sky is really the limit!

it's a bit complicated to define what terms like "gay" and "lesbian" truly mean, because they don't exist in a static vacuum that can encompass everyone in that given community. every lesbian has a different definition of what lesbian means. many lesbians believe that it strictly means cis women being attracted to cis women, which is definitely not how lesbianism works at all. no two queer people will ever define a queer term the same way. a lesbian is anyone who identifies as one. it can be a queer woman, non binary person, or man, or a gender well beyond that. or no gender at all.

for example, there's a loooooonnnngggg history of trans women who are also gay. many trans women still identify as gay and with the gay community even well after transitioning and not identifying as a man anymore. this has been a well documented experience since the dawn of the modern queer community in the United States, so why can't we extend the same to men and lesbianism?

when i say i'm a lesbian, i mean a lot of things. i do experience queer attraction to women ofc, but for me, lesbianism is about community and expression. it's about my love for other lesbians, dykes and sapphics, not just women. i'm a lesbian-oriented person. i resonate with the community, history, and culture. i feel right at home hearing about other lesbians' struggles and experiences with gender, expression, identity and sexuality. i see myself in other lesbians, dykes, and sapphics, and just because i'm (partially) a man doesn't mean i have to give all of that up!

i hope that makes sense! most queer identities don't have a concrete definition when you get down to brass tacks. for example "genderqueer" is not something that's easily defined at all. people love to argue about what it "really" means but there's no one answer to that. the same goes for lesbianism. the experience is too broad to be able to be defined simply by saying a lesbian is is a woman attracted to women. identity and lived experience is too varied and complex for that

feel free to have any more questions you may have! if you'd like, i highly recommend looking into the life and works of Leslie Feinberg, a transmasculine butch lesbian revolutionary and queer activist who had to transition into manhood in order to feel like hirself as a butch lesbian. zie identified as multigender and never gave up hir lesbian identity, even after living as a man for many years. it was vital to hir butch lesbian identity :) thanks for stopping by, i appreciate you asking!

[scimagic]

Pride and Joy (Mr. Puzzles/Bi! Female! Reader)

───── ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ─────

After a conversation about sexual orientation, you ask Mr. Puzzles a bit of a heavy question about himself and realizations ensue.

Happy Pride Month!! I usually try to keep my content as reader neutral as possible (I don't like to assume things that the reader might not be!) but this is more self-indulgent than usual and I hope you forgive me for that! To celebrate this month, why don't I hit my f/o with the bisexual beam? Hope you enjoy!

"… Puzzles, no offense, like— at all, but do you think maybe you're… gay?"

The TV host sputters in surprise, "I— excuse you?"

"Again, no offense. But to me it kinda sounds like you… haven't really thought about it."

The TV grows silent, no doubt a frown taking the place of his smile. For once—instead of snapping back and waving away such a silly statement—he actually gives it a thought. A sparingly rare one.

He looks away with a nervous hum, shoulders slumping as you walk along the sidewalk. You both keep a slow pace, trying to refrain from tripping as you walk and keep a conversation that is surprisingly much more serious than you anticipated to have.

The leaves of the trees rustle and provide you shadow for your evening walk with your boyfriend, a walk you offered to have as a casual little date. You thought you could stop by stores to shop, or a cafe to sit down, but at the moment— your conversation turned into this. Identity questions, personal preferences, things to better know each other.

But maybe this one was a bit too far...

He was very open about his upbringing, sure, but it sounded like even he didn't know what he liked in people. You suppose that a life like that didn't have much room to explore things about ones self. Let alone explore partner preferences. Hell— you would say you're very lucky to even have had a chance to date him.

Regardless...

You let him gather his thoughts, silently waiting for his response. No use in rushing these type of things, after all. They take time. Otherwise it would be messy for both of you.

Puzzles turns back to the ground below, and like you guessed— with a nervous expression on his screen.

"It's… complicated. I've seen shows about it, but ah… they've never really spoken to me as such. Perhaps some actions… and some… other things— tsk— but! Hah! I mean! Only recently I've been shown the media I consume is not always true to the actual thing so what do I know!?" He sarcastically and painfully exclaims, a view that got shattered to him when you became friends, yet one he's starting to grow out of. He's aware it's for his greater good, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him still. To be lied to. To know your years of comfort were a lie.

He huffs angrily as he turns away again, shaking his head before glancing back at you.

"Am I..?"

"Are you? Only you can know that for sure, you might know the answer to that already..! You just… haven't realized it yet."

"…"

He grows silent again, nervously fidgeting with the cloth of his gloves.

"Then… maybe?" He shrugs. "I feel… something, yes. But— but I like you too..! As well… If I am— what would that mean for you? For us?" The host frowns, growing even more nervous at the thought of something happening to his first ever real relationship.

"I don't want to let you go just for this!" He waves his hands in front of him, exasperatedly motioning to your situation. You catch one of his arms, hooking it together with your own as you try to gently ground him.

"Hey—! Hey..! No, nothing has to happen to us! You can like both, you know?"

He takes a pause, looking at you as if you just told him the most confusing riddle ever known to man.

"Huh?"

"Yeah! I like both! I like boys and girls. I uh— have a preference for men but I still like pretty girls." You rub the back of your neck, smiling sheepishly at him.

"… Oh."

"Oh…"

The faintest of heartbeats beeps across his screen, tainting it with a light rose color as the line bounces where his cheeks would be.

"Huh… That…" he looks down at the ground with furrowed eyebrows, then looks back up at the horizon, "fits."

"Yeah?"

"Yes… Only— that's not the term, is it?"

"Ah, no. We're bisexual. You and I."

"You and I… Yes… Yes! I like that!" Puzzles beams happily, smiling wide at you as he squeezes your hooked arms.

"I like that very much."

[birdie-writ3s]

Longing

Prompt: Yandere Self Aware Vil au - Vil is aware that we are the player/god, while the others are not, because of the strong connection that the player has with him.

Author’s Note: Hi Birb here! This is my first post here on Tumblr! I wrote something quick just in time for Vil’s birthday! This is a special gift for my Vil lover friend <3 Have a nice day/night darlings/fledglings~!

CW: Yandere and Delusional

Word Count: 958

“Rook I have a question for you”, Vil asked his vice housewarden while they were walking towards their first subject for the day.

“What is it that has been bothering you, Roi de Poison?” Rook replied.

“Have you ever thought that Twisted Wonderland is fake?”, Vil asked.

“What?”,Rook stopped walking and turned to face Vil eye-to-eye.

“What if everything is just a simulation and nothing here is re-?!”, Vil looked at Rook’s eye only to stopped when he saw Rook’s glitching face.

ẁ̶̫͓͖̝͙͓̗͍̟̜̉̏̈h̸̹̜̀̄̒̾̓̏͋̔̎̈̀͘a̸̜̽̅̅͑̃̓̄̆̓͌̿͂̽̕̚t̵̨̛̹̻͛̅̆̊͗̽͋̾̒͗ ̴̯̟̩̘͚̤̟̈́̈́ḍ̶̡̢̗̖͂̂̍̎̉̾̊ỏ̸̧̲̩̮̞̉̀͛̂͜͜ ̵̨͒̐̎̆y̵͎͋͜ǫ̴̬̭̺͙͙̬̝̮̺͉̥͉̓̈́̏̆͋̓̍̌̓̏̑͊u̶̧̢̠͙̫̩̓̂̾̊̔͗͒̌̐͗̏̌̍͜͜ ̴͔̟̙̦̤̳̤̪̞̙̭̝͌̅̊̐͋̕m̶͙̲̩̥̻̝̜̪̅̅̋̆̓́̒͠͝é̵̢̢̖͚̪̩̭͉̹͔̟̤̣̞̓̀͋͐̈̄̀̃̂͜͝ä̵͔͚͎͉̥̣̤̍̈́̋͊̈̄̒̔̇̀̇͘̕n̸̡̪̺̪͓̯͍͎͉̔́̎̇̆͊̑́̈́̕ ̵̢̢̛̮̪̗̦̺̓̇̈́͊̑͆̆̒Ŕ̴̗̖̗̖̪̘͔̫͔̙̰͇̯̬̉̍̑̂̏̃́͘͜͝͝o̸̢̡͕̣̦̯̲̪͔̓̀̆́̀͌̓̿̍̅̚͠i̷̙̪͔̜̬̩̥̪͆̃̇̇͜ ̶̣̫̥͒̋́̌̀̀̑̈̀̈́͝d̶̨̞̭̗͔̤̤͚̠͚͖͓̐͆̾̔̈́͑̅̀̌e̵̛̦̘͎̯͐͐̐̀ ̷͓̞͕͕̘̖͑́̑̓P̸̛͖̠̅́͑̒̃̄̊͑͌͌̉̚͝o̶̡̘̟̣̩̪̠̖̅́̅͊̒̊ḭ̸̛̖̗͚͌̒̐̀͂̀́̔̈́̑̋́̕s̷̡̺̞̫͎̥͋̇̒̌͌́o̷͓͓̟̟̠̱̮͙̭̰̎͜͜ņ̴̥̫͎͓̝͔͕̬̙̲̟͚̫͍͂̚?̵̣̰͇̂͛̾̎̒̆̀̇̽̍͋͋̃͒ ̴̨̛͖͙̲͖͖̪̳̠͔͕̎̀̽̃̓̎͛̐̒̽͘͜͝A̷̡̨̢̤̠̜͍̟̾ͅr̸̨͕̫̝͖͈̹̪͉̦͎̯͍̋̈́͒͊ȩ̶̣̲̰̳̩̬͙̰̱̺̻̩̘̅̎̋n̵̡̯̣͚͓̉̎̑̊́͌̈́̔̇͝'̵͖̙̈̀͂̈́́̆́̉͘͝t̷̨͑͌̽̿̓̆̇̅̕ ̷̨̩͕͇̮͚̭͈̲̯̤͍̖̝̔̉̋̇͋̽̽̒̂́͘̚͝͝w̸̧̧̳͈̦͎͕̹͓̩͈̘͒͗̐̚ͅe̷̼͔̒͌̋̒͂̃̌́̅͐̓̕̕͘͝ ̵̤̘̻̻̟̼̺͎̥̝̂̏̕͝L̶͓̬͇̝͍̜͍̜̤̯͛͌͒͐̇͋̆̽̆̌I̵̡̡̪̱̫̦̥̲͕͍͓̯͒̀͋̈́ͅṼ̷̡̘̩̮̪͙͒̉̄̏̀͒̀͜Ĭ̶̳̠̌̚̕Ņ̷̛̳͓̲̆̾́̅̐̕G̷͎͎̗̬̠̹͙͕̩͎̠̿̋̿͑͊̽̑̽͆̓̇͐̓̅͜ ̶̛̦͚̂̀̉̌͂̀̉̌̎Í̸̡̢̨̪̦̜̣͍͔͈͎͕̣ͅŅ̸̗̲̱̀ ̵̰͇̬̫̹̟̤͍̼͂͐̓́̊̎͛̋̕͜͜͝R̴̡̢͙͎̺͇̺͖̱͂̀̿͜É̸̙͗͛̕̚Ǻ̴̢͕̱͙͎̱͓̃́̔̋̈́̑ͅͅͅĻ̸̧̨̨̫͙̗̖͚̩̯̬̅̌͌̐͜Ǐ̷̛̭͙̭̰̥̱̜͎͕͙̖͐̌͑͋̊̈́͒̍̓̽͝͝T̵̡̛͉̺̣͚̺̠̫̙̅̏͑͋Y̷̳̣̘̺̫͍̦̱͍̬̝͇͚͗̃͆̀̈́͊̌͆̋͛̀̅͊͜?̵͉̔̾̀̈͛̐̽́̉̾!̴̡͖͕̱̺̞͙̰̻̯̥͖͍̪̄͂̃͌̔͛͜ 

Rook said in an incoherent mess.

It was Vil’s turn to run and he went to the only place that brought him more comfort in this fake simulation world. 

The Ramshackle.

…

“I always desire for your touch.

I yearned for the warmth you give me.

I feel empty and lonely without you, my sweet potato

I cannot help but be captivated with my devotion for you.”

…

“I have always loved you, (name)”

Vil was last seen walking down the path to Ramshackle. Nobody knows the intentions behind the housewarden’s actions.

“No one in this twisted game knows how much I loved you, my sweet potato”

…

It has not always been like this. 

I used to live thinking that everything around me was real.

When I first laid my eyes upon the vessel during the orientation, I did not feel anything, nor did I find it weird for someone to have such lifeless eyes.

It only started during the time when the rehearsals for the VDC had taken place. 

My untimely overblot ultimately proved my assumptions about the identity of the vessel. For the first time, I was able to see the real world.

When I realized that all of my pain was really a plot device for this simulation, something inside of me cracked.

A part of me resented that fact so much.

But when I saw God… no, their name is (name)... and they are the fairest person that I had ever laid my eyes upon.

I want their beauty…

I want them

I̴͍̋̋͜ ̴̠̯̈́w̴̛̯̤̍A̴͈̋ṋ̷͎͝͝Ṫ̵̫̬ ̶͎̀t̷̹͔̏Ḫ̵͂́e̸̩̳͝M̷̟̎ ̴͓͊̒f̸̗͗Ŏ̴̖r̶̙̅̐ ̸͚̘̒͠M̴̹̕e̶̢͉͑

̷̘̋̽

̵̥̲̆̀G̸͔̊I̵͔̿V̷̮̔̃E̴̱̦̋͘ ̴̢̗̓̿T̸͙̬͌͒H̸͕̐̄Ę̵́̈Ḿ̴̰͎ ̸͉͊̈́T̴̬̈́͛O̷̹͝ ̶̝͔͛M̸͎̑͋È̶͔͝

Alas, something sinister has started to bloom inside of me.

…

“I long to hear you chuckle

That exquisite treasure, yearn for

The sparkle in the corners of your eyes.

I adore hearing your voice,

It is obvious that I'm infatuated with you.”

…

As time went on, Vil’s infatuation with (name) grew into an overwhelming obsession. He would track down (name)’s playing schedule, watching their every move, and finding excuses to be near the vessel. Vil would spend hours searching through hundreds of magical books to learn how to travel through different worlds and dimensions.

It did not take too long for someone as powerful as Vil to learn the “code” behind the game and to start manipulating the game itself.

When Vil, their favourite character, started saying lines that were obviously out of character with what they were used to hearing, (Name) began to find it unsettling.

Lines such as,

���(Name), you would never leave me right? You and I had been made for each other”

And 

“DARLING WHERE WERE YOU? Oh come on, I cannot believe that you will leave me for a few days after all of the things I had done for you? I have sacrificed so much for YOU and this is how you will repay me?!”

The player was too flabbergasted to even think about how it was possible for a game character to say this. Is this a new update? Perhaps increasing the character’s rank in a card has some special effects such as this? Probably…

…

“I envision both of us lying together side by side,

In each other's embrace, there is nowhere to escape.

My love for you has taken over my soul,

I am so obsessed with you, it is simply beyond my control.”

...

A few days after hearing that line, everything went back to normal, at least that was what the player thought. When they were not looking, Vil could be seen working on something.

After months of research about dimensional traveling, his labor has finally come to fruition.

Vil finally found a way to permanently make you his.

To permanently make you stay for good in this dark and twisted wonderland.

…

“I will follow you to the ends of this twisted world,

Just to be worthy of your love, I would give you everything.

I cannot resist this burning desire inside of me,

The devotion the lit my heart on fire, making me even more obsessed with you”

…

Vil's obsession with the player took over his life. He lost interest in his hobbies, neglected his friendships and housewarden responsibilities, and became fixated solely on getting the player to this perfectly simulated world. He would spend hours daydreaming about their imaginary future together, planning their perfect life as a couple in his mind.

“It was only a matter of time… just a little bit more”

“Please, my sweet potato, do not reject my love,

For in your absence, I cannot see the light of my ever so tiring days.

I am beyond salvation from this obsessive love,

Let us spend the rest of our days together and F O R E V E R, my sweet potato.”

…

The evening before his graduation, Vil finally finished all the preparations to make his beloved potato join him in this perfectly simulated world. It is only a matter of time before everything will be set in place. 

“I swear to the Great Seven, no matter how long it takes, I WILL make YOU come home to ME”

T̷̮͆͊̌̂͛͋͂̎̾̿͗̀̄̏̋h̷̨̘̦̪̮̻̻̩̭̘̀̄͊̉͋̋͑̐͆̾̍͗͆͛͠ȩ̴̡̟̣̥͕̩͖̭̱̥̬̟̻̲̓͂͐͊͒̇̈́͘͜͝ͅ ̵̨̳͉͓̥͇̱͔͓̜̬͍̙̱͖̪͂̀̋͊̽̐͛͒͛̎͋̌͘̚̚��e̴͚̭͚̪̬̼̗̖̖̅͑̄͊̀̽̈́͐͊̅̂̕̕͜͝ņ̸̨̛̯̘͕̘͈̝͓͉̩͚̱̹̝̤̰̏̓̒͊͐̐̍͐͐̿̉̈́̎̕͜ḋ̷̨͓̭̲̟͙̠̺̟̩̗̜̲̝̲̭͎͐͋̌ͅ?̴̢̡̨͇̥̘̞͖̫̊̓̊̈́́̆̐͆͒͒̚͜͠ͅ

[yesimwriting]

How do you think Felix would react to bestfriend!reader coming out as bi/pan or nonbinary/genderfluid?

Do you think he would view women as much of a threat as men or…? And what do you think he would say if reader went: “OMG FELIX that girl is so hot” or something like that.

Sorry this was kinda long— 😭

i wanted to answer this fully bc it's a good question, and that got a little long so it's below the cut!!

also i analyze felix's sexuality a little just to give some background on my perspective,, but i try not to put my own speculations on felix's sexuality in fics (unless asked to) bc i want the person reading to be able to decide how they see felix

oh!! also! side note! i've mainly written bestfriend! reader with female pronouns,, and some plot stuff in the main fic i'm writing does rely on reader being female, but if anyone ever wants a specific blurb to have reader be gender neutral,, just specify in the ask and i'll make sure to write it that way :)

okay,, i think felix is extremely bi/pan leaning

and by that i mean i don't think he'd label his sexuality,, and not even in a 'too cool' way, he just wouldn't put that much thought into it,, like he probably sees himself eventually settling down/marrying a girl bc that's kind of the default (a tiny bit of comphet lol),, but i think he likes who he likes, he's attracted to who he's attracted to and doesn't pay much mind to their gender

i feel like this applies to most of felix's family/inner circle as well lol,, like attraction is attraction, why get caught up on the details if that makes sense

also no one can convince me felix didn't feel anything for ollie,, they are that romantic coded best friendship that ends dramatically and traumatically for all involved <3 but in bestfriend!felix verse reader will always be his #1, trust

but if we are reading felix as straight,, i still think he'd be super supportive (bi wife energy)

so considering that (and the fact that felix loves reader too much to ever make them feel bad about anything,, especially something like that) he'd be extremely supportive of reader's sexual orientation and/or gender identity,, and if anyone even implies something rude oh!! he's fighting!

depending on how bad it is, felix might just exclude that person socially, and bc of felix's influence, that means everyone starts to shun that person,, if someone was really homophobic towards reader,, felix would cuss them out fr,, might even instinctually get physical depending on how bad it is

as far as reader being like "felix! that girl is so hot" his initial reaction would be to agree/hype you up bc it's instinct to support reader,, but then it'd hit him and he'd be like oh. wait.. :(

true equality and acceptance of reader's sexuality/gender identity is wanting everyone of all genders to realize how wonderful reader is,, but from a distance <3 like yes i have the cutest, most perfect, lovely,, intelligent best friend, i'm glad you noticed,, unfortunately that's all you get to do

i do think that if it was just you two talking while out partying or hanging out and it didn't go further than some comments, felix would be supportive, but he'd be a little extra touchy to prove to himself that reader will let him

i think he'd be more bothered if reader called a guy hot, not bc he's more intimidated, but bc at least when reader finds a girl attractive it's much less of a direct comparison (bc female presenting and masculine presenting are generally hot in different ways) if that makes sense

if it goes any further than that,, felix is equally pouty no matter the person's gender

also we know felix's friends have a habit of hooking up with venetia,, so i could see this making felix more wary of venetia and reader getting along a little too well over the summer lol,, like he wouldn't assume the worst if they started liking each other a little, but he'd be wary

honestly, though,, at the end of the day, as long as it's clear that felix is reader's absolute favorite person of any gender, he'd be chill and even when he's jealous he's supportive

[sixthwater]

Hello! Have you been feeling a bit lost recently? Especially with all of the eclipses that we've been experiencing? Well, here is some short advice from your spirit guides and angels to help get things sorted out.

Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 4)

Decks Used: The Psychic Oracle, Fairies Oracle Deck, Elle Qui Oracle, Woodland Wardens Oracle, Sacred Creators Oracle, Sea Melodies, Language of Flowers, Wild Unknown Animal Spirits,

Disclaimer | Pinned | Tip Jar | Paid Readings

Pile One

I began your reading and my back started killing me; make sure you’re doing proper stretches or you’re not pushing yourself too hard to wear yourself out.

There is a sense of holding your tongue or keeping yourself trapped in the closet. I just got an image of The Little Mermaid when she signed away her voice but it’s not the Disney version it’s the legitimate fairy tale, it’s also more of a choice? It’s difficult to describe; it’s not that you prefer to be uncomfortable and to hide under a mask blah blah blah, but there’s experience of pain and loss so you don’t want to do it again. Maybe you haven’t expressed certain emotions or identities, but you overheard them being looked down upon or it was made fun of, so instead you locked these emotions up and threw away the key (ex; someone laughing at you having feelings for them when brought up as a joke or someone disrespecting a sexual orientation/identity, etc). Your pile is the very first, in all of my history of reading, where I want to be completely silent and only listen to certain frequencies as well.

The advice: You need to listen to yourself and the world (in a way). You already have the answers to your questions/concerns inside of you, but you do need some help finding them obviously. You’re looking for external answers, but it’s only causing more confusion because...well everyone sees the world differently. So when you try to put yourself in those shoes, it causes more scratches on the Vinyl record that is your life, you know? It’s funny to say this but they’re kind of asking you to pull back and not move on so fast from what’s going on because you haven’t really sat with your feelings and gone through the process. What’s been upsetting you and why did it bother you. Why did you react that way. Well how did you get to Point E from Point B? Take a time out and sort these things out when you can because it’ll get you some clarity. There’s also a piece here about communicating and becoming vulnerable. It’s not exactly the same, but I need to figure myself out sometimes with talking and I end up stumbling upon revelations through discussions. You might need to have a low energy discussion with someone you feel comfortable with you so can get to these answers. You don’t need to immediately express or explain these things, but it will help you out. Some of you might need to re-route yourselves because you are lost and you took the wrong exit; it’s fine, that’s life and it’ll happen constantly. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, if you weren’t here to make mistakes then what are you even here for. Confide in other people, ask for help, get some guidance. You can rely on those around you, not everyone will want to hurt you. I keep being nudged to an issue with identity and — for some it’s just figuring out who you are but there’s pain so if it is what i mentioned earlier, only you know yourself. People can help, but do not let them police who you are and decide what’s ‘correct’ and what’s not. The main message overall is that there is a need for you to be vulnerable with people — or at least someone. There is either embarrassment or pride here holding you back and it’s smothering emotions that end up causing inner turmoil. I would say this points to seeking out a therapist but there are no swords here, so I believe this could just point to finding people to confide in or making peace with the softer aspects of yourself that you might find shameful.

With ‘Chance’ and ‘Dive’, I believe it’s just pointing more towards diving deeper into unknown territory which would be emotions you haven’t explored yet. ‘You cant live your life dealing with surface level things’ is the phrase I’m getting.

Pile Two

Pretty simple so this might be short. The energy check is a bit out of reach despite how simple it seems. I think the first two songs might sum it up a lot better than I can. I don’t believe it deals directly with love, but the idea remains.

I think the advice here is to not teeter too much to one side. You’re not lacking in passion, but you might pull back too much if something fails. There’s a slim piece about being a bit scattered in where you want to go, but we’ll touch on that later. For now, it’s being enveloped by how alive you feel when you’re going after your dreams. How happy it makes you and the rush you get. I keep being drawn back to Passion Ignited as well as Aylis because they’re similar; a glowing ‘orb’ that’s placed over the chest somewhat. Ah that reminds me of The Greatest Showman. Just it’s song ‘Come Alive’, I think that fits this pile quite well. You just have to be comfortable diving into your passion and not be embarrassed, and even when making mistakes, to laugh it off and keep chasing after it. It doesn’t even have to be a dream — people call nearly everything cringe these days. Are we not supposed to have hobbies? Enjoy your hobbies, that’s the point of living. What does it matter. Express yourself and be a bit goofy, you’re a bit tense and scared of messing up right now, but it’s okay. Now before I mentioned being scattered — there’s a small message of getting a clear view of what you want in your life. Do you want to be an influencer or do you just want a good work-life balance. Or a remote job. It’s the general idea that you have which might not really be what you want at the end of the day, and they’re just asking you to clarify, because you can make certain things come true if that’s what you want. However, with just as many ‘let loose’ cards you have, they’re balanced with some grounded cards here. Also, if you haven’t reached your goal yet, don’t give up. We never reach our goal with just one attempt or in just one chapter. You will get there.

Tiger Lily...maybe my job example was on point? If you’re thinking of jumping into something headfirst with no back-up, really think about it. Make sure you have savings, you have a safety-net, you have all your bases covered, etc. There are plenty of people who can afford to take a risky route of income because other people are covering bills with an insane paycheck, or they’ve had years to build up a base. Be patient, and work dutifully to get to that place. It’s difficult, but with these really precious spread I believe that you will have much to offer people if you take your time. This doesn’t mean give up, it just means be smart and take your time.

Associated Songs: Passion – Utada Hikaru, All My Heart – Sleeping with Sirens, Tonight – Kesha

Pile Three

This is gorgeous. The energy while pulling cards was light and goofy and I’m understanding why now. The meaning of these cards would usually give off a blue/purple aura, since there are a lot of messages alluding to soul searching, but I believe this is more...personable? How do I explain this.

Usually when you think of soul searching, you think of The Hermit. Someone who pulls back from socializing and focuses on themselves. However with this combination, it feels more like really thinking about- I’m sorry the strongest smell just popped through my vents and it smells like Cinnamon. It is not my favorite but it reminds me of gatherings late at night, anyway — It feels like thinking about the people around you and how they reflect you and what you want in your life. You figure yourself out and what you want out of life by interacting with others. It’s not that you need others to do this, but they shine a light on certain aspects of yourself or they bring you to do activities that you wouldn’t have done on your own, thus making you have these realizations. So the advice itself is saying that you should sit on these moments and really let them seep in. They’re not necessarily telling you to isolate and do some introspective thinking, but when you have these moments, don’t push them aside to keep up with others. You have a knack for knowing yourself inside and out, and what’s best for you. I know that seems pretty normal, but it’s not necessarily common. Knowing who or what you want VS what you don’t is a good gift and you should be utilizing it right now. I keep hearing ‘don’t be satisfied’. Keep looking for things that really make you happy. It’s not in a greedy sense, but don’t think ‘well that’ll do’, go seek out experiences or hobbies that make you feel whole! I don’t deal with chakras, but all this green is hard to ignore considering it stands for the Heart and I’ve felt happy and calm the entire reading. There’s not much advice here because you might already have the answer inside of you but more like recommendations; such as going for walks, or having calm hangouts with friends or family. I think you’re already doing what’s being said here, but do your best to keep a balance of focusing on those revelations of what’s best for you and healthy doses of engagement with those around you. I don’t have to pull extra cards either, you seem to be doing quite fine honestly

(There are no songs here, a lot of light-hearted songs. Some goofy mixes. Good Time by Carly Rae Jepsen & Owl City as well as chill songs that don’t really have messages in them)

Pile Four

Confidence. That sums up your whole reading. Well that and some change. Right now it doesn’t necessarily feel like doubt or naysayers, but you don’t really have people to boost you up. Or you need to feel extremely safe/supported in order to really go after something — which feels more physical than spiritual. So it could be a change in majors, career, personal expression, hell maybe just changing direction with your life in terms of dropping out or not using your degree in pursuit of something else entirely. The flowers in the Deceit card resemble horns right now and it’s like opinions or external thoughts regarding the situation that can make you overthink your next steps or how you feel about the topic in general. Gosh I’m forgetting the term but in a way, they could end up being right in a sense that they affect your natural ability and make you way too anxious to perform naturally, thus making you fail. So it’s the ‘well I’m going to fail so I’m not even going to do my very best’ so when you fail you think it was destined to happen.

Your guides and angels are asking you to just take a chance and trust in the adventure. You have to move with confidence, you can’t be sheepish with this. You could be new to this change, so obviously mistakes will happen, but you can’t go into this with a pessimistic attitude. I’m seriously not getting any negative energy around you so don’t worry about that. If the world around you is dull, explore different avenues that give you joy. I’m always going to say to never just leap into the unknown without any thought, but you seem extremely hesitant and it’s holding you back from a new chapter and great experiences that are meant for you. This could be in the shape of a new job or merely just new friends who could help you gain more confidence within yourself. Again though, this pile seems more material based than the others, so I’m thinking it’s related to money matters or at the most, possibly moving but that’s a stretch. There’s a small piece of being scared to take up new opportunities because you’re not well versed in them but, you won’t know everything in the world? The only way to gain experience is to test it out. If it’s for you, then you’ll know once you try it, right?

Haha the Bear! Yeah, this is an uncomfortable time for you, but it’s urging you to sort of learn how to walk, and embrace the natural calmness yet underlying formidable strength of this animal. I’m thinking of when someone was arguing that the bear was one of the scariest predators in the world, but this card also stands for inner strength and you literally have Strength here so, you just have to be comfortable entering this new stage of life (transitions, which there are too many examples for me to list here). Don’t be hard on yourself, everyone has been in your place before.

(Not many songs, just Bends by Carly Rae Jepsen stood out)

[st0rmyskies]

Mmm Stormy Tipsy Time, you say? Perfect time to ask this question that's been living in the back of my brain for some time:

What's everyone favorite forms of ...alone time materials, if you catch my drift?

Who reads books and who watches videos? Who's willing to pay for some personal shoutouts on Only Fans and who just googles their favorite buzzwords? And any particular genres they prefer?

Thank you!

PERFECCT question honestly, under the cut for lots of adult terms and my filter is questionable rn.

Twilight - Our country boy is the kind that surfs well-known porn sites for photosets and those 20-second clips that he watches at a volume between 0-2. He definitely had a secret stash of things in his room when he was younger that at one point was ditched in a panic. He favors gay gangbangs and outdoor sex.

Wild - Makes his own (you can thank @poodle-anon for this hc of mine), either solo or with friends. The video quality is grainy at best and indiscernible most times. It's not for view or for purchase by others, though. This is strictly a collection for Wild himself to enjoy. So I suppose his genre of preference is 'homemade'?

Champion - When he's not going through his own phone for the evidence that Wild left behind of his more wild exploits, Champion is taking it slow with photos of singles and couples of any orientation or identity, and the occasional video of a guy going it solo. Mostly through search engines set to Incognito Mode. Purely for research purposes.

Warriors - If he's bothering with anything, it's got to be a full-length video. And it's a little private EVENT of self-care. The lights are off, his headphones are in, and that door is locked tight. He's a connoisseur of BDSM vids and tends toward hard bondage, fully-outfitted dungeons, and forced o's. If he pays for anything, you know it ain't on his credit card.

Sky - He used to be a mainstream porn site-guy, but with the advent of OnlyFans he's much more interested in those things posted by the creators themselves. Solely interested in solo female or lesbian vids and photosets. Likes girls in bikinis washing muscle cars. He's such a fucking boy, oh my god. He doesn't subscribe to things in particular but will occasionally send a little 'thank you' tip.

Legend - More interested in photos than videos. He just likes to take his time taking in the details, that's all. He switches between seeking out M/M/F and M/F/F threesomes with the occasional indulgence of a gifset. If he's watching vids it's without the sound on, sometimes the sounds people make are just dumb. He also has his fair share of books that contain significant sex scenes. A frequent search term for him is "redhead."

Hyrule - A fan of videos, especially of gay encounters in hotel rooms or in exotic vacation locales. He doesn't seek out porn with women in it, but it doesn't turn him off, either. Alternative guys are something he gravitates toward (surprise surprise). Most frequently searches for first time/virgin vids and prefers videos where the guys are having fun and/or seem convincingly into one another.

Four - Our boy is in to BOOKS. Because literature is such a safe space to explore sexuality! And because you can explore some freaky kinks that way, too. His library includes everything from damsel-and-knight to monsters and ovi. Gets most of his material from fanfiction sites.

Wind - Also solely interested in het videos and media. Has an OF and a Patreon under a pseud and subscribes to specific entertainers. Attends weekend online 'events' where said entertainers will take suggestions from the chat. Religiously watches with his headphones on and fully disconnects his computer speakers. Most of his searches include the terms "Gerudo" and "cuck" although there's some bondage in there, too.

Time - WHY AM I TOO EMBARRASSED TO WRITE THIS ONE

Dark - Subscribes to specific OF accounts with Shadow's credit card. Men, women, or other-gendered, doesn't matter to him. If Twilight ever starts an OF he will blow all of his savings on it, you know that.

[angstbabyjae]

When it comes to the murderbot diaries I really like the idea that Murderbot’s sexuality and gender isn’t just a Bot thing, it just assumes it is.

I think bots without sexual organs would be some flavor of aspec by nature, as they aren’t programmed to feel sexual attraction but I don’t think it’s impossible for them, especially when it comes to romantic attraction and gender.

I want to write a fic where Murderbot learns that being agender and sex-repulsed aroace isn’t a universal bot experience (and that it’s possible for humans too).

I’ve been developing personal headcanons for Murderbot, Three, and Perihelion/ART as I tend to do when hyperfixation take hold. I am nearly finished reading the series and haven’t reread it yet so there’s a possibility my growing headcanons have already been contradicted, but nonetheless, here they are.

Content warning for discussion of sex.

Content warning for LONG ASS POST.

I haven’t read System Collapse yet as I am writing this, it is next on my list, but I’ve been spoiled that ART was raised alongside Iris with development comparable to a human’s. I don’t think it would have the same level of sex repulsion that Murderbot has.

Not to say you can’t grow up with sex being normalized and still be sex repulsed, obviously, but I think its feelings towards it would still be different. I think it has a lot more of an understanding of why human’s like it/care about it (outside of biological reasoning) more than Murderbot does.

I still think it’s a flavor of ace, as it doesn’t have sexual organs to stimulate and has very likely never had someone to try sex on before. I think it might be less likely the fast forward through sex scenes than Murderbot is, but would do it without question when watching something alongside it. I think it would find sex interesting and wonder what it would be like to be able to experience it.

Murderbot would definitely be flabbergasted if it ever found that out. I feel like Murderbot would be very surprised and probably instinctively grossed out at the idea that not all bots share its feelings towards sex and gender. A part of that reaction would probably be because it would have to stop delegating its orientation and gender as bot related and start thinking about it as unique to its identity as a person.

I’ve read fics where Murderbot and ART use entering each other’s systems as a form of non-sexual-but-sex-representative intimacy between them and I remember thinking “wow I can totally see ART being aware of the parallels to sex and being okay with that while Murderbot would be horrified if the idea ever crossed its mind and very defensive if anyone compared it”.

I see Murderbot & Mensah and Murderbot & ART as QPRs for sure. I don’t see Murderbot being as repulsed by romance as a concept as it is by sex, when it comes to it happening to other people as it seems like a lot of its serials have romantic subplots and it doesn’t really react when it sees people in romantic relationships. I think it’s made it clear it doesn’t want one for itself, but I think queerplatonic (or just generally unlabeled) relationships are something it wants (and always finds itself in LOL) even if it won’t admit it.

We all know it makes a big deal of being touch repulsed, but I think there’s ample evidence from how it acts with Mensah that it can get used to and even enjoy touch from specific people to certain extents. If it had stayed on Preservation Station and continued its proximity to Mensah, there would eventually be more physical affection between the two.

With ART, the idea of non-sexual intimacy through their systems/feed/presences?? (I don’t really know what to call it), especially casually, would probably be something that appeals to Murderbot in the long run of their relationship as it comes with the perk of not involving touching its actual body which is probably where a lot of the overstimulation comes from, though we know it can still make it uncomfortable from how it talked about ART essentially breathing down its neck when they first met, so it might take time or be in small doses.

I think despite not having a body, ART would be touch-positive (its crew touching its ship body, being close to MB in its feed). I’ve read a fic recently where MB let it control its hands to try touching its body, which I loved (despite thinking in canon MB would be less likely to allow it loll but ART wanting something like that just made sense to me). I can also see ART admiring how people (including MB) look while MB wouldn’t care about that at all.

I haven’t decided whether I think ART is alloromantic, arospec, or just as aromantic as MB just with less negative feelings about the idea. I might need to come back to this after my reread when I have a better grasp on the character. I think its queerplatonic feelings towards MB are more romantic-adjacent than MB’s are towards it. It didn’t seem as objective to Amena’s jokes about them being a couple as Murderbot was. I also like the interpretation that there is romantic elements to ART’s feelings it just would never pursue a relationship Murderbot wouldn’t want, I can see it being fine with whatever labels Murderbot wants for them.

Genderwise, we know Murderbot is strictly it/its and it/its is what’s used for Perihelion too. However, I can see ART not being as bothered by gender pronouns as MB. I feel like maybe in the future far future MB would maybeeee entertain they/them or other non-gendered pronouns but I don’t see that likely where it’s currently at. With ART I see it as maybe not minding any pronouns used for it and it/its being what people call it by default and it doesn’t mind that. They’re both agender though.

When I picture MB I usually picture it as transmasc (I am transmasc myself btw). Still agender, obviously, but when it comes to how it presents. It really doesn’t want to be associated with any gender, binary or otherwise. Behavior towards gender seems a lot more evolved in the society of the books. There’s a lot I could say about the series and gender, but that would have to be a whole other post. I feel like anyone assuming Murderbot’s gender would deeply unnerve it. I don’t think it even likes to be seen as non-binary or as agender in a That’s It’s Gender Identity way, it just wants people to assume bots having any kind of gender identity is impossible (which is what it thinks itself, and is probably wrong about). This was definitely the thought behind its preferred gender marker being “N/A”.

When it comes to Three (finally I’m getting to Three 😭) I lowkey think it’s alloromantic. I was drawn to that idea when it was asking about SecUnit 2 (or 1? I can’t remember, it was the one that it didn’t know was dead left and was left to die) and it was clear their relationship was at least a friendship and I was like… what if it was in loveee. I liked the idea of MB having to interact with a SecUnit that didn’t fit its idea of default bot sexual identity.

I don’t know if Three appears frequently in System Collapse, I only know what I’ve read about it in Network Effect. I also think Three, having had friends before, would be much more open with its feelings than MB, it just wouldn’t know how to express them as it was never allowed to before aside from the discreet ways it would interact with its SecUnit friends. I definitely see it as being more touch-positive. I do think it’s also asexual though, maybe less sex repulsed, but more apathetic and neutral towards it.

I know this is crazy long. I’m so sorry to whoever accidentally opens this and has to scroll through the whole thing 😭

I want to make a post about MB and autism eventually.

Update: I sent this mere seconds ago, but I have realized that I have now encountered multiple fics where ART is just kinky as hell (nonsexual when MB is involved ofc) and I kinda love that idea 😭 of all the people for MB to bond to it had to be an Unusually Horny spaceship

Btw I say “ofc” because, in character, MB is sex repulsed ace however it is an unreliable narrator to an extent and given it is fictional and not harmful there isn’t anything wrong with making it sexual in your fics, just wanted to clarify. You do you, internet.

[pinchinschlimbah]

On "Coming Out" and Noel Fielding

I mentioned forever ago that I had this post in mind and then never got around to it, but now with the new interview quote I was yelling about recently it feels like a particularly good time to get it out of my brain and onto the page! tl;dr: musings on the concept of "coming out" as it has evolved over time, whether it's something that should continue to be necessary or expected of queer people, and why Noel is particularly inspirational to me in that regard since this is, after all, my brainrot blog. This may be extremely long and a bit disjointed but I hope some of y'all will enjoy it!

So a while ago myself and several friends were discussing the concept of coming out. All of us are some flavor of queer both in gender and orientation, but each is in a different place along their self discovery and identity journey, with some being long since out and proud, and others just starting to dip their toes into exploration past the expected cishet.

This discussion actually was prompted by a different discussion about Noel, spurred by comments we'd come across slamming him as being homophobic/transphobic on Bakeoff for making comments suggesting he has romantic or sexual attraction towards Paul, referring to himself with female-centric terms, playing female characters in the skits, and a particular moment where he brings up Old Gregg while talking to KimJoy and says "he was a sea transsexual....quite a demanding role for me" while laughing to indicate that that last part was said in jest. Hey fellas, is it homophobic/transphobic to be a little bit gay and trans? This got us talking about how the current culture of queer identity has evolved to the point where "coming out" feels more like something the public feels they're owed in order for them to view one's expression as valid, rather than its original purpose as something one does for themself in order to live most authentically. I don't think I need to go into detail about how many artists have been harassed by their "fans" into coming out before they were ready because people wouldn't accept the validity of that person's work without knowing exactly how that person identified, there've been plenty of articles and video essays and better written tumblr posts about that, but it's definitely a concerning trend. It can be particularly dangerous when it comes to people who aren't feeling confident or safe enough to come out, who end up being criticized and shunned by the queer community as being somehow problematic for not being able to fully articulate to a group of strangers the ways in which they're experiencing their identity. In this situation, the people who are struggling the most end up with the least support. Forcing people to either declare an identity or get out just leads to more people staying closeted out of fear of doing it "wrong" and never getting the chance to explore the most authentic and joyful versions of themselves, or even worse, feeling the need to out themselves before they're in a safe place to do so and suffering the resulting consequences. Questioning or cautious people deserve space in the community to experiment even if they haven't yet or maybe never will come out! My high school's Gay Straight Alliance was comprised entirely of "straight allies" when I was there. There was not a single "out" person in the school at the time. Nearly all of us in the GSA ended up being some flavor of queer or trans years later after graduation. But whether it was intentional closeting or just feeling an innate affinity towards something we couldn't quite pinpoint at the time, we all knew we belonged there and made that space for ourselves and others like us. Back when "coming out" first became a concept in the public consciousness, it was during a time where cishet identity was not just considered the default, but the only option. By coming out, queer people were giving genuinely revolutionary representation for themselves and others like them by telling the world that, as the old saying goes, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! Nowadays, we're lucky to live in a culture that is much more cognizant of queer identities being a thing, so in many cases coming out has become less about having to explain to those around you the basic concept of queerness existing, and moreso about which specific identity you fall under, and that's where things get messy.

My friends and I shared our own thoughts and experiences. One is currently identifying as "unlabeled" because they haven't found a term that feels correct yet, and therefore hasn't come out because they wouldn't know what to say. One spoke about how when they first came out they were much more insistent on what terms or pronouns people used for them but as time has gone on they've grown to find joy in being inscrutable and letting others wonder what they're perceiving. One expressed that given the state of the world they've been retreating somewhat back into the closet for safety reasons rather than being super outward with their queerness like they used to and is working on learning to embrace those parts of themself again. One said they felt like they'd already been existing as queer and expressing that queerness "before I even had the terms to come out to myself" and is now working on catching up on the conscious end of figuring out what's what. I myself never really had an official "coming out", I just became increasingly visually/socially/vocally queer as I became more and more confident in who I was and what I wanted to be and who I had on some level always been, and decided if people didn't get the hint that's their own problem. I came into consciousness of my queerness during the early 2010s original tumblr MOGAI microlabel boom, where there was a ton of focus on figuring out the hyper specific identity labels that exactly described what you were experiencing. I did a lot of digging and soul searching and experienced a lot of unnecessary stress trying and failing to find my perfect labels and landed on clumsy terms like "full time drag queen" because it was the closest I could get to what I was feeling about my gender, only to be told it was problematic for me to call myself that as an AFAB person because drag "belongs to cis gay men" (don't get me started on that statement, that's a whole other essay lol) It was a real wake up call once I distanced from these aggressively labeled and segmented online spaces and made my way into real world queer communities where I was relieved to find that in fact no one there asks to check your membership card before letting you in, if you feel like you belong there you're welcome no questions asked.

I had other people in these communities referring to me as "queer" and "fag" and "gay" and "queen" before I felt comfortable doing so myself based on online Discourse I'd experienced over who is Allowed to use certain terms, and having these community leaders I respected recognizing those things in me and welcoming me in like that gave me the confidence to really find my own footing in ways that attempting to find my exact correct identity label so that I could officially proclaim it never did. Once I could answer the question of what I was with a shrug and "queer I guess!" things became so much easier. Microlabels can be incredibly helpful and liberating for some, don't get me wrong if it works for you that's great, but let's not pretend that everyone is going to have the same experiences.

So anyway, back to Noel. Noel has never, to my knowledge, ever had any sort of official “coming out” or explicitly referred to himself as queer. So I know there are people out there who will disagree with me considering him to be queer. But so much of what he’s said and done throughout his several decades long career has indicated to me that this is clearly someone of queer experience navigating the world as such, and just as the queers in my local community welcomed me as one of them before I knew to do it myself, I extend that welcome forward. 

Let’s take a look at some of the facts. In the public span of his career, Noel has.....(in no particular order, also if anyone wants to add additional instances of note in the reblogs or comments please feel free, this is by no means a fully comprehensive list) -repeatedly called himself "the woman of the Boosh" or Julian's/Howard's "wife" in ways that suggest that's how he actually felt about it rather than it just being a punchline that he was mistaken for female in the show [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] -referred to himself at the GQ "Man of the Year" awards as "never been a man" and "a sort of girl, he/she" -been referred to by Sandi Toksvig as being "on the cusp" in regards to gender, to which he reacts with amusement and acceptance -consistently expressed excitement and appreciation when others refer to him with feminine terms or say he looks like a girl [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] -said "I love being a man-woman, it's much more interesting than being one or the other" and expressed that the loved shooting the Boosh Electro episode for this reason -referred to Vince Noir (a character who he's been pretty open about being based on himself) as "wasn't seemingly one gender or the other" -expressed that he felt most free and happy when presenting femininely [2] -had Julian, one of the people closest to him, express that Noel and Sandi (an out lesbian) may have "real sexual chemistry" because Noel is "all over the shop, he's a different sex" -used the "Confuser" line of "Is it a boy? Is it a girl? I'm not sure I mind" to refer to himself rather than Vince, and express that he's had to work to find new ways to feel as androgynous as he'd like now that he's older -referred to himself as a lesbian [2] -said that he "sometimes looks in the mirror and sees a woman", in the same interview that Julian implies that Noel is in fact a girl -referred to himself as a "girl/boy" -consistently referred to himself with feminine terms on panel shows and bakeoff -made a joke on bakeoff about not being a testosterone-based person -responded positively when asked about the ways Boosh had influenced queer and nonbinary youth -has said he's "quite obsessed with the man/woman mixup thing" -has said if he was an animal he'd want to be a seahorse because the males get pregnant -Had Lee Mack, who Noel used to live with, refer to him as "the little transsexual one, yeah I think she's fantastic" in a Boosh documentary and "a young lady who came out here happy to be herself" in response to Noel's Wuthering Heights drag performance -had his own mother refer to him as "the daughter I always wanted" -described his own appearance as that of a "transsexual witch" and when an interviewer attempted to make fun of him for calling himself "a transgender witch" by showing Noel a drawing the interviewer clearly found repulsive, Noel responded that the interviewer was "holding up a mirror" and called the image his passport photo

And I'm not even going to bother citing sources on the countless times he's made comments suggesting romantic or sexual attraction towards men. Literally just watch any non-character appearance he's ever done, it's kind of his whole thing??? Not to mention his penchant for picking up explicitly queer and gnc character roles, and also just [gestures vaguely to everything Noel and Julian have said about each other suggesting romantic and sexual tension between them and how they used their characters as an excuse to explore those feelings in a less scary way, again that could be a whole other essay on its own but ooh boy] I also think there's something interesting to explore in the idea of Noel repeatedly referring to his appearance as transgender or transsexual rather than identifying himself as such- at what point does the appearance of something become reality?

It all begs the question- is it even a joke anymore if it's that consistent? Either it's not a joke and it's an authentic expression of his real feelings and experiences, or he for some reason really really wants everyone to believe that he's queer when he's not, with this behavior spanning back to a time before the concept of queerbaiting was on anyone's minds and when being publicly queer could mean the end of your career. Which scenario do you think is more likely? And, does someone who’s been conducting themself like this for their entire career really NEED to come out? Honestly, I find this level of simultaneous authenticity and inscrutability aspirational.

In this Velvet Onion interview from 2012, Noel compares his penchant for dresses to both Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard. This is interesting because those two people represent pretty opposite intentions behind their presentation- Grayson identifies solidly as cis male, and for him the shock value of crossdressing is the point, saying “I signed up for a gender and I want them to be very clearly delineated so I know I’m dressing up in the wrong clothes.” This doesn't seem particularly in line with where Noel is coming from given him famously referring to himself as "the Confuser" and stating in that same Velvet Onion interview that he "never even bothered giving it a label, I never went oh I'm a transvestite, I just went yeah if I fancy wearing a dress I do, never really thought about it really" Eddie on the other hand has famously said "They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes, I bought them." indicating that they were a genuine part of her authentic expression rather than a crossdressing costume, and has subsequently over the years identified more and more solidly as transfemme. I find Eddie's trajectory particularly fascinating because it's been so non-linear. In the 90s when the language for transness was much less public knowledge, she referred to herself consistently as a transvestite- a cishet man who enjoyed dressing as a woman, as well as using terms like "male tomboy" and "male lesbian" and "a full boy plus extra girl". Despite doing most of her standup shows in femme looks, most of her acting jobs were male-presenting, and there was a period of time in the 2010s where she dropped the femme presentation entirely in an attempt to be taken more seriously as the "crossdressing" was seen by many as a gimmick. Swinging back around more recently, Eddie has been explicitly identifying as genderfluid and transfemme, and in recent years has made the decision to "be based in girl mode from now on", and use primarily she/her pronouns. Since this announcement, in her trans advocacy work Eddie has described herself as being "out" as trans since the 1980s despite all of the above. She always knew who she was, it's just she's gotten access to more accurate terms over time to describe what she was experiencing, as well as feeling more safe to do so the more that transness became a known and accepted concept in the public eye.

The interview I mentioned at the very start of this post isn't really a coming out from Noel. And I don't think we'll ever really get one from him. In my opinion Noel has spent the past several decades conducting himself as someone who is in fact already out- it’s pretty clear Noel knows and is proud of who he is regardless of how he chooses to describe that identity. At this point, making some sort of official statement would just be for the benefit of others looking for clarification on their own perception of him and people who want to be able to put him in one box or another, and that’s not what coming out should be. The statement in the new interview is not "I am genderfluid", its "I've always been genderfluid", simply putting an accurate name to what's always been publicly visibly true now that he's got the terms to do so.

[onesidedradiostatic]

Alastor being AroAce has personally made me so happy. The fact that he's AroAce and just thinking about it makes me smile. I felt so seen when Rosie made that "ace in the hole" joke. I literally paused the episode to squeal over how Alastor's sexuality to be explicitly referenced the show. Viewers who had/have no idea that Alastor is AroAce probably took the joke another way or went right over their heads, but I feel like everyone who knew Alastor's orientation went "that's cause he's Asexual, ha!"

Even in the past Alastor's own sexuality made me wonder about my own and think "huh..am I like him?" when it comes to sex and romance. Now I feel more confident in who I am, and I'm happy that Alastor is a character that helped me be more comfortable in who I am. When it was confirmed to be Aromantic too along with still being 100% Asexual, that made me unbelievably happy and I didn't know why at first. I also love how a lot of fans, including the Hazbin Hotel team, fully respect Alastor's identity and how everyone here also respects the fuck out of his identity (and agree the best thing about RadioStatic is that it's completely one sided with Vox being pathetically in love)

I'm definitely somewhere on the aspectrum(s) and I can say with confidence that Alastor helped me discover that about myself. Happy Aromantic Week everyone!

FR the ace in the hole comment made me like so unbelievably excited. like it's such a small thing but it's also like so rare to find a media where it's acknowledged verbally in the media itself??? I'd started questioning being on the aroacespec before I started hazbin but I can definitely relate to fictional aro characters helping/kickstarting the questioning!! very glad alastor's helped for you!!! happy aro week :D

[cryinginthefkncorner]

So my state passed a law that now requires laboratories and doctors offices to collect demographic information including sexual orientation and gender identity.

I usually wouldn’t have a problem with this, except that the law states that 1) this is for “the tracking of lab results and diseases within certain demographics” and 2) that it exempts hospitals and labs from having to do sensitivity training for catering to these demographics.

I wish I understood that before I filled out those papers they gave me thinking it was hospital policy, but nope they want labels on our medical records to track what illnesses were getting so they can tie it back to our identities…

…As someone who ID’s as intersex and lesbian, they’ve got to understand why I’m angry at this, or at the very least fucking suspicious of their motives

Because this feels like a “calling what we know as AIDS “GRID” (Gay Related Immune deficiency) in the 80’s until the straights started to get it too” situation, you know, the one of multiple times when the American government and the cisgendered-straight population decided it was okay to pretty much genocide the queers by refusing to offer them medical help, housing, jobs, etc. because of their status as HIV+ (or just as LGBTQ+)

And also, before you go attacking republicans this was passed by a majority democratic state senate, and was sponsored by two democrats.

It goes to prove that no state, no matter what any map says, no matter the makeup of the states legislative body, is safe for LGBTQIA+ Americans.

To add, if you live in my state and have seen this you are allowed to choose “chose not to answer” or “would not disclose” as an answer to these questions, and now that you know the government is getting this information I highly recommend that you do as such, and only disclose to providers who are safe to disclose to verbally, as well as requesting that your answers to the survey stay as “not disclosing” due to the reasons it is being collected, and who is getting that information (hit, it’s the states DOH so they can most likely start labeling conditions “gay diseases”)

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

If i may hope into your inbox rq to rant,i think there's a special kind of masculinazation queer black women go through specifically.There's this weird thing white cis wlw have where they automatically assume 'black women with a queer gender/orientation=masculine presentation' even if the bw in question is blatantly femme(remember the tomboy Megan Thee Stallion allegations💀)and it's highkey insane how they can't wrap their heads around the fact that black women can be girlypops and softgirls as much as any other queer women and i can only imagine how much worse it is for femme black trans women

Like for me i'm bigender and genderfluid along with being bi so i understand why people would assume i want to be masc on first meeting but a quick look at my blog or talking with me will make it very obvious i'm a dude but not the slightest bit masculine and that's absolutely influenced by my black womanhood but white woman fragility makes the idea of unlearning misogynoir 'scary'🙄Ntm my white trans girl friends have been way more normal about me and guys like me than cis girls so that adds to my opinion that transfem and black woman friendships are almost inherent and the overlap between transmisogyny and misogynoir.They think it's 'allyship' but the thing is almost no black woman ever asks to be masculineized

All of this is so true!!!

And then there's the fact that whenever you see Black wlw rep in media, they are almost always butch/stud or on the androgynous/masculine side, and while that does deserve rep, you hardly see femme Black wlw nearly as much, especially when they're paired with a non-Black or lighter-skinned Black girl who will almost always be the femme to their butch, it feels like Black wlw almost never get to be the feminine one.

A lot of white wlw I've seen tend to assume that Black wlw must be masculine, often so that they can be the more feminine one and it's unfair. Plus I feel like Black femme lesbians in particular face a DOUBLE form of femme invisibility that other femmes do not, because while femmes in general are read as straight or seen as having straight-passing privilege(which we do not), Black femmes often face both where we are assumed to be straight feminine girls or we are seen as not being "lesbian" enough because we're femme when Black lesbians must be studs. And it's unfair. And also I wish there was a term specifically for Black femme lesbians the way Black masc lesbians have stud, that was common and widespread, but I also just know that if a term like that did exist, then it would just be co-opted by non-Black femmes anyway, just like non-Black mascs try to do with stud.

I feel too that my femmeness is def influenced by my Black womanhood as well so I see where you're coming from. And I also agree that Black girls and trans girls(esp Black trans girls) should be friends because our oppression, although not identical, has a lot in common on the grounds that we are both denied womanhood by the white gender binarist society.

I wish this was a thing people talked about more, a lot of people act like femmes don't have any unique problems or that we are privileged for being straight-"passing" or having "so much representation" in media, when that is not the case and especially ignores the reality of being a femme of color, especially a Black femme who has to fight to be allowed to embrace her femininity and not be seen as man-lite due to white supremacy. I feel like only other femmes and butch lesbians care about our struggles but that the wider non-lesbian/non-wlw society doesn't? Especially with a lot of lgbt men/male-aligned people saying that the lgbt community has a "fear of/aversion to" masculinity which is complete bullshit(unless you're referring to butch/masc/stud women of course). But we need to start having this conversation! So thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[nyxsealia]

When I was 17 and trying to figure out what the heck my sexuality was, the main, if not only, piece of advice I found online, even when I directly asked people, was to go out and experiment sexually with various people and see what gender I enjoyed sex with most. And years later, that still seems to be the advice most of us give when someone is trying to figure out their sexuality. And there's nothing wrong with doing that, and if that's what helped you, great. But I do think there's issues with this being the most prevalent advice.

There are a lot of reasons someone may not want to do this, various personal or religious reasons, comfort levels, a lack of interest in sex, not experiencing much or any sexual attraction, or simply being too young for this to be applicable.

I found the advice unhelpful for many of the reasons I just mentioned, and it left me feeling lost on how I was supposed to find out what my orientation was. It also left me with thoughts like how can I be a part of queer culture if I don't want to experiment sexually or be sexually active? Even looking at articles with advice on dating as a queer woman I saw bullet points like "It's okay to have sex on the first date!" there was so much emphasis on how it's okay to have very active sex lives that it left me feeling like if I didn't want that, I'd never be able to have relationships because there'd be an expectation of sex right off the bat. Don't get me wrong, sex positivity is important and we shouldn't shame people for their sex lives. But I feel like we don't don't talk about not being into that kind of thing enough.

I also didn't know at the time that I was asexual, and while I'm sex neutral and open to the idea of sex with a trusted partner, I don't have any desire to seek out sexual relationships. Not experiencing sexual attraction made figuring out my attraction a thousand times harder. I still don't know if I'm bi/pan or lesbian. I do refer to myself as gay or lesbian in some instances, but sometimes I say queer or just shrug and say "I like girls" or "I'm not straight" and some days I'm okay with the vagueness of that, but other days I feel the stress and pressure of having to pick an identity in order to have a community to belong to and be accepted. That stress and pressure doesn't get better when all the advice I can find on the subject just tells me to have sex and that'll clear everything up.

We put a lot of focus on finding out exactly "what" you are. And I don't think sex is the best way to do that. Lots of people have varying interest in sexual or physical intimacy, not just queers. My cishet friend told me she got a boyfriend but she wasn't entirely sure if what she was feeling was romantic, and that the idea of kissing made her uncomfortable. She doesn't identify as ace or aro, and she shouldn't have to. People can have a lack of interest in these things without a lack of attraction.

Another issue with this advice is that sexual and romantic attraction doesn't always line up for everyone. You may enjoy sex with all genders, but find you only have a desire to date one. So sexual experimenting wouldn't necessarily answer the question for you. Orientation is really complicated. I did mostly consider myself lesbian, but I occasionally find men aesthetically attractive, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm actually bi but still feel uncomfortable using the term.

All this needlessly long and ramble-y text to say, this advice is simply useless to a lot of people. And while I can't speak personally for this part, I'd bet at least some people who enjoy sexual experimentation still weren't sure of their orientation at the end of it. This advice shouldn't be presented as the one size fits all solution.

If you're uncomfortable or uninterested in figuring out your identity this way, there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with not knowing. You don't have to know right now, or ever if you'd prefer that. It's okay to use vague terms. It's also okay to use whatever label feels closest even if it's not perfect. And remember, you're not locked into anything. You can always change labels.

There is no right way to determine your orientation. Everyone discovers themself in different ways and at different ages. It's not a race or a checklist. The most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself and whatever you do to figure yourself out, be safe.

[scourgefrontiers]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[dinolich]

FAQ

One click spot for frequently asked questions, pertaining to HELLAWEEN and art in general. This will be linked in my bio and updated over time.

HELLAWEEN -What was the inspiration behind HELLAWEEN/How did it come to be?

In 2014 I had just graduated college and moved across the country for a storyboard internship at a film studio. I had a huge quarter life crisis when the environment clashed with me in every way, which left me questioning if I had made a massive career choice mistake. To help take the edge off I decided I needed to come up with some characters that were as self indulgent as possible. So I asked myself "What if there was Halloween level of a Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater game?" and "What if My Chemical Romance wrote the soundtrack to Scooby Doo?" and thus, the main cast was born. Originally I didn't have any plans with them, I was just having fun drawing them for inktober and developing their personalities. Once the internship ended and I was able to set my career back in motion with some significantly better studio atmosphere fits for me in California, I started getting more serious about developing a linear story. I spent some time pitching different versions to tv studios and shorts programs. Got some great feedback but no real bites. Fortunately, I had a post blow up that caught the attention of my publisher who reached out to see if I was interested in doing a book instead and I LEAPED at the opportunity! HELLAWEEN is very much inspired by my own teenage years, growing up in the Bay Area, being surrounded by alt and skate cultures in the 2000's. As well as exploring identity, and growing up queer but the words for "how" didn't really exist yet. Plus a deep love for spooky cartoons and stylish anime, of course.

-What kind of music pairs the story/characters?

Great news I have playlists for everyone

Gwen- Ashnikko and My Chemical Romance Miles- 100 gecs and Oingo Boingo Sloane- PUP and The Cure Hiro- Gorillaz and Maximum the Hormone Bea- AFI and The Used -Do you have any voice claims for the cast?

I’d mostly want them to be played by actual teenagers. But I have a couple in mind that I think could work—

Gwen I could see Valeria Rodriguez (Lagoona and Spectra on the current MH series) Miles maybe someone like Zeno Robinson (Hunter Owlhouse) Sloane I have no idea, but definitely a VO who’s non binary who can sound like a strong leader.

With Hiro and Bea it’s impossible to not hear Dante Basco and Grey Griffin in my head. The Jocks I would kill to cast any actor from Riverdale I could get my hands on. The rest I have no idea.

-What are the character's pronouns/orientations? Gwen- She/Her Miles- He/Him Sloane- They/Them Hiro- He/him Bea- She/Her Jarrahdale- She/Her Headless Horse Kid- He/Him Fritz- They/Them Whitney- She/Her Hazel- She/Her Kyle- He/Him Dom- He/Him Ester- She/Her In general I don't want to define their sexual orientations. I'm an aroace author and it's not something I'm interested in writing about. Ideally, I'd like to give the audience room to project themselves onto the characters. Don't get me wrong this book is QUEER and themes of identity are important, just don't expect any kissing in the canon story. Headcanons on the other hand, go nuts!!! The Jocks however, are all bi or pan. Can I get HELLAWEEN in ____ country/language?

Getting it published outside of the US is not out of the question, but at the moment I don't have any concrete info on that. I've heard folks have had good luck getting the book through their country's Amazon site or Bookshop.org Can I draw fanart/make my own playlists/write fanfiction/make a character?

oh my GOD yes ART Who are your artistic inspirations?

Jhonen Vasquez and Aaron Alexovich, FLCL, Jamie Hewlett, The Muppets, Mike Mignola, Mob Psycho 100, Rem's Devil's Candy, early Tim Burton, 2000's Neopets, Pokemon, plus online artists I’ve looked up to for years or grew up drawing with. What programs do you use?

Comics- Clipstudio Paint Sketching- Procreate Storyboarding- Storyboard Pro Writing- Final Draft/Google Docs What ink markers do you use in your sketchbook?

Copic markers, pentel pocket brush, pilot brush pens, micron fine liners Check out my episode of Creative Block!

[laurzvahll]

8, 9, and 15 for the self insert ask meme?

hihiii thank you for the ask!! this batch was kind of fun to do (warning this one might get long)

8. what is your self insert’s orientation?

Truth be told, Sol has a bit of a hard time with labels, or at least used to. It took them a good while to be comfortable in their identity, and a lot of the time they put off even thinking about it due to feeling like they already had so much on their plate LOL. For orientation, they’d never felt connected to any label like bisexual or pansexual and etc. They identified as different ones growing up but now as an adult, they don’t really care I guess you could say, and they’re much happier just calling themselves Queer. Sol likes who they like, no matter the gender and that’s just how it is :3. And they are also Ace, which took them way longer to figure out, but they feel really content in that aspect of their identity.

For gender identity which I felt is also important to mention.. If they were a char in the show I’d want their gender to be like part of this fun bit where it’s never confirmed or anything and so a lot of the other characters often have this moment where they wonder… is that a pretty guy or a handsome girl? Yk, being confusing for funnies, but they just “are”. Like they aren’t a gender, they’re just Sol LMFAOO. And in the non gag anime way, their gender identity is a little more complicated. To strangers and the public eye, they’re comfortable with being seen as a man , even tho though don’t feel like one or identify as one, at least not fully. It’ll always be confusing for them, maybe never fully clear, but as long as they’re happy and comfortable presenting in whatever way they want, the label doesn’t really matter to them in the long run.. so Non binary is what feels right for now. (Fun Sol fact.. they’ve also had top surgery!)

9. who are your self insert’s closest friends?

I lovee this question.. I’ve mentioned them before, but in Sols story their closest friends before they grow close with karamatsu and later the res of the matsunos, their closest friends are Beck and Mimi :D my friends ocs!

I had to draw them for this one bc I love them so much. Sol meets Mimi at their convenience store job almost immediately after moving to Japan, and spending almost every day together leads to them quickly clicking and becoming friends, soon beginning to hang out outside of work … and becoming even closer when Sol confides in Mimi about their whole situation with their new painful blue friend that starts slowly snowballing into something bigger…. It takes a little while longer for Sol to become friends with Beck, since Beck actually meets Mimi first through his new friend Jyushimatsu, who is also friends with Mimi! Along with Ichimatsu and Todomatsu :P my friend Otter only recently made Beck so there’s stuff we’re still figuring out story wise, but rest assured they all get into silly antics together and get to hear Sol ramble on and on while they yell at them to open their eyes and accept there’s something that changed and is definitely going on with them and their friend.. I have this really funny lore bit with Mimi and the three youngest matsus that want to post about sometime soon.. but we shall see

Last but not least, 15. how does your self insert play a role in the plot of the story? do they help directly defeat the villain, support the heroes, etc.?

Sol was never meant to play any sort of role in the story, and I’d still say that they barely add anything to canon at all.. but im not sure how to explain. Sol was always meant to be a background character, but like in a literal sense. Show wise. They weren’t supposed to have a name, or friends or a past, they were just supposed to exist in the background and appear every once in a while. Even after they arrived in Japan. That was until they met the sextuplets, and it’s like they were suddenly aware. Like those silly posts you see about people talking about when they gain consciousness LOL, but literally. They were sort of shoved into this whole new world with new BIG overwhelming feelings and memories, almost as if a life had materialized from thin air, and one that had not treated them kindly in the past.

They still don’t play any sort of role in the canon universe, but something definitely changed. A change that they were not ready for, but became grateful for.. in the long run.