#so we’ve been fighting through in little chunks at a time every half hour or so

[echoingkarma]

Sorry for existing publicly today it will not happen again ( < thinking about looking for more pictures of the comfort blorbos to reblog)

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XIII

Part I - - - - - - Part II - - - - - - - - - - - -  Part XI - - - - - - Part XII

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Cody waited impatiently in the entrance room to the hall of healing, ignoring the surprising number of Jedi who drifted by aimlessly. 

As far as he could tell they were coming in just to stare at him, make meaningless small chat with the tight lipped receptionist, glance around, approach as if almost to talk with him, then drift out again without having accomplished anything.

Embarrassingly, it took him several minutes to realize why they were behaving so oddly. In his defense, a) he didn’t have much of a baseline for Jedi behavior in temple. 

And b) when numerous vod had approached him today to try and find out ‘why the General had missed last night’s conference,’ and ‘why Cody had been unreachable for large chunks of time, that was seriously unlike him,’ and ‘why had Cody gone to the Jedi Temple and stayed there for hours upon hours yesterday morning,’ and ‘why haven’t you taken your bucket off today,’ and ‘why has no one gotten a comm reply from General Kenobi since Ghost Company went drinking,’ and ‘why isn’t Skywalker answering comms,’ and ‘why do the Jedi seem so riled up today,’ and ‘why are you and Rex so tense,’ and, ‘are you going to the temple now,’ and ‘what the kriff happened to my desk,’ well.

They just asked directly.

He had grown so inured to unfamiliar Jedi silently willing him to answer their own jedi-variations on ‘What the fuck is going on with Obi-Wan’ that he almost didn’t notice when Windu came to stand next to him. 

“Here as a visitor?” He asked the Master stiffly. He was almost feeling wound-up enough to fight for his place in line. 

“No, I’m waiting to speak with Skywalker,” he replied, temporarily placating the Commander.

An unfamiliar Jedi Cadet with a short braid on the side of their head walked in, attempting to look casual and failing miserably. The small furred padawan stared nervously at Cody and Mace, and actually managed to open their mouth. Windu raised a brow. They immediately snapped their jaw shut, bowed, and scurried out. 

Cody watched through the window as they joined a group of even tinier Jedi. After a brief conversation with lots of waving limbs from all parties, the group turned in unison to make eye contact with Cody’s visor. Cody inclined his head slightly. They all ran off, practically tripping over their robes.

“Wasn’t sure if the eyebrow would work,” Mace muttered. “It’s been 50/50 today.”

“I’ve just been hiding whenever I can,” Cody confessed.

Mace winced. “My apologies for the delay in putting out a statement. We’re still trying to work out - an adequate substitute. At least for the upcoming campaign.”

Cody nodded, “I assumed as much."

“I assure you, we’ve taken your thoughts into consideration. You’ll receive a notice of the Council’s final decision before we send out a mass bulletin.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Fortunately, finally, Anakin stomped into the atrium, followed closely behind by the Nautolan soul healer. 

“Ah, Knight Skywalker, do you have a moment? I’d like to have a word with you.” 

Anakin startled at Mace’s words, but recovered quickly when he noticed the slow moving crowd just outside the door. “Of course, Master Windu,” he said with a bow.

“Commander Cody, would you care to follow me?” Aerdo said with a smile.

Cody and Anakin exchanged grim nods as they passed one another, following the Masters in opposite directions.

- - - - -

- - - - -

“The situation in the expansion region is deteriorating rapidly. We had already intended to send the 212th to moderate the situation after Umbara’s latest declaration. But increasing separatist activity in the sector means that we cannot afford to delay or under-commit. The hyperlanes are being taken, and with them, republic control over crucial supply lines is now threatened. We must deploy the third system army, the day after tomorrow at the very latest. They’re our best equipped force for the situation, not to mention the only uncommitted division large enough to make a meaningful impact. There is no viable alternative.”

Anakin nodded at Mace uncertainly. He had been keeping up with troop movements before everything, and, trying to keep himself sane, had even checked the news in between cutting off the Chancellor and visiting Obi-Wan only to find him unresponsive again. But...why exactly was the Master of the Order telling him this?

“You’re not seriously thinking of sending Obi-Wan? I mean even if he miraculously wakes up tomorrow...”

Master Windu sighed. “No, of course not. Which is why I’ve asked you here.”

“You...can’t be asking me to lead them?” Anakin asked, feeling lightheaded.

“I admit, the council did consider it. You are the one of our most successful Generals. Not to mention the one most familiar with Obi-Wan’s troops. Between the fact that the 501st is also needed on Umbara and every other Jedi’s unwillingness to step in to the position, your name came up multiple times.” Mace pinched the bridge of his nose while Anakin stared uncertainly.

“No, I have not brought you here for a promotion. I want to speak with you about your opinions on candidates for the 212th...as well as to ask if you believe yourself capable of leading the 501st without...losing yourself. I’ve finished reviewing your civilian casualties and consider your observed losses- tolerable, at least.”

Windu looked exhausted at having to say that out-loud and Anakin fidgeted, biting his tongue.

“As long as you are under the supervision of another Master, and if you swear to me on Obi-Wan’s life that you will report yourself if you find yourself slipping- I leave the command of the 501st up to you.”

Anakin felt queasy. How could he help Obi-Wan if he was half a galaxy away, on what sounded like a long, protracted campaign. If he refused to go, that would leave both the 501st and the the 212th without their generals. Or...was this how he could help? Carry one of his burdens for him? He was more than ready to lead! Probably! He had been leading! Part of him longed to charge into battle immediately- wash off his helplessness with blood. Anakin didn’t know how to fix Obi-Wan mind, but he was good at fighting, good at war.

And that thought brought back the ever-lingering cold. How could he trust himself? His...violence... it might have driven Obi-Wan to suicide. He still didn’t know! And if he left he wouldn’t know for months! He promised Obi-Wan not to kill again- how the kark was he supposed to do that while being a General?! Did ordering people to kill count, or was that worse?

“I need to think about the 501st ,” Anakin whispered.

Master Windu nodded. “I appreciate that. You have until dawn tomorrow to decide- in the mean time, let’s discuss the 212th.”

“Who’s the top choice?”

“Master Pong Krell. He’s actually our only choice that wouldn’t require reorganizing other assignments significantly.”

“He’s...a good duelist.” Anakin said, trying to think about what he knew of the Besalisk, “What division does he command?”

Windu grimaced. “That’s actually why he’s the best choice... Of the troops he’s had direct command over since the start of the war, over 85% are dead. He’s never lost a battle but...”

Anakin closed his eyes, “Right.”

Plenty of excellent fighters among the Jedi made terrible generals. He’d have to look over the Besalisk’s military record- it could just be terrible luck. Plo Koon had lost an entire division to the Malevolence, but he still was one of the best.

“When you say he’s the only choice...”

“Most Masters I’ve breached the subject with were extremely reluctant at the thought- I don’t want to force anyone into a position beyond what they’re willing to handle.”

“I guess that makes sense...but it seems...off?” Anakin trying to articulate his uneasiness.

“Our method of ‘promotion’ has a tendency to elevate those who should perhaps not be taking on more responsibilities.” Mace acknowledged grimly.

“Because... good Jedi aren’t really ok with war. And you’re only promoting Generals who are fine with the whole thing?” he said thinking of himself. “Or can’t say no?” he added bitterly, thinking of Obi-Wan.

“It’s not an ideal situation” Mace agreed, lines around his eyes growing.

Anakin scrubbed a hand to his face. He had been doing more thinking about the ‘concept’ of war and violence in the last two days than he had the last two years of actual fighting. There hadn’t been much point before, war was happening regardless of his feelings. Not to mention the fact that there wasn’t time to quibble over these sorts of things in the field. As much as he was desperate not to disappoint Obi-Wan again, he didn’t really enjoying being forced to consider this stuff now. It made him...itchy.

“Have you considered just putting Cody in charge of everything?” Anakin finally asked.

“Of course, but the Senate would never approve...”

- - - - -

- - - - -

- - - - -

“...With those few exceptions, the only major thing left to restock is perishables. But that’s more your department than mine, sir.” 

Cody finished his report. 

Obi-Wan continued to lay still, looking frail in the large medi-bed. The restraints made the image that much worse.

“Fuck.” 

Cody swore and, for the first time since crawling out of bed that morning, yanked off his helmet.

“General. General Kenobi. Obi-Wan can you hear me.” he said hoarsely, leaning over the bed.

The General didn’t move.

“Obi-Wan if you can hear me- try and shift around a little bit. Blink. Do anything. It’s me- Commander Cody. I- please, sir. Just do anything, they said you- you did this on purpose so please confirm you’re in there. I’m- shipping off soon and, I- I just need to know that you’re going to be ok. Please. Anything.”

Cody hovered absolutely motionless, watching for any sign of response. But Obi-Wan continued as he had been, lifeless but for his slow and steady breaths. 

Cody collapsed to his knees, vision spotty. Gasping for air, he rested his head on the side of the bed, desperately trying to pull himself together. 

After several long moments he pulled of a glove, tentatively reaching for Obi-Wan’s hand. It felt cold.

“General, if this is some sort of- dark force attack twitch your hand, ok? Please. We’re trying to understand- we’re here for you, just clench your hand if you’re under attack and someone will come to help.”

Cody paced his breaths to Obi-Wan’s, pulse slowing down to match the wrist in his grasp.

“Obi-Wan, why are you doing this? I don’t understand.” Cody rasped. 

“You- you told me I was one of your best friends. You- I don’t know why you think so highly of me but please you have to know I think the universe of you. We all do, but I really do. You don’t have to fight anymore if you don’t want to, we’ll protect you, you know that. You have to know that. But I can’t- I can’t imagine the rest of the war without knowing you’re alright somewhere.”

Cody pressed Obi-Wan’s hand to his forehead, choking back a sob.

“You said you had a ‘last mission.‘ I don’t know what that means. You’ve talked about after the war- I don’t get why your life has to end with a mission. I'm not sure if I understood anything you said, but I’m right here and I would never hurt you. I don’t know what you saw but I would die first, ok? I want you to know that I would gladly die before hurting you so- so you don’t have to worry about whatever vision you had. Just wake up and tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it.”

Cody sat on the floor, clinging to Obi-Wan’s hand and continuing to breathe. 

Eventually, the door clicked open behind him. 

“Commander Cody? I’m terribly sorry but it’s been an hour...” Healer Aerdo’s voice came trickling in.

“I understand- is there time for me to say goodbye?” Cody rasped, not looking back. 

“Of course.” 

The door clicked shut and Cody stood jerkily.

“Goodbye, General Kenobi. Obi-Wan. I’ll take care of the men for you while you’re- resting. Please, I know I say this a lot but take care of yourself, ok?”

Cody pressed Obi-Wan’s hand to his forehead one last time before reverently resting it on the bed. Pulling his helmet on roughly, he turned sharply and marched out the door. 

Obi-Wan remained determinedly still.

Next: XIV

[emilia3546]

Shadowsinger Part 8 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter

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Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

*****

Azriel hadn't moved all night, and Gwyn hadn't stirred in his arms, she was still sleeping soundly, snuggled into his chest. Azriel cradled her against him, waiting for her to wake up on her own. She showed no signs of waking even an hour later, and they'd soon be late to training, not to mention his wing was cramping up from where she'd wriggled slightly onto it half an hour ago. He subtly sent a shadow to open the blinds, sending sunlight flooding into the room, bathing everything in a rosy glow. Gwyn scrunched up her nose, hiding her face against him, the light making her stir and blink open her eyes. She froze as she realized where she was, but smiled, and released Azriel's wing,

"Sorry," she mumbled, "You should have just shoved me off, y'know,"

"I didn't want to wake you," he muttered, brushing the hair out of her face, "You were so calm,"

"I was asleep, so obviously,"

"Still, I didn't want to incur the wrath of waking you, either,"

"I'm not that bad!" She protested,

"Oh really?" He chuckled, "Nesta told me one time you launched a full-on pillow assault because she woke you at the time you usually get up." Gwyn glared at him,

"Nesta needs to mind her own business," she mumbled, "I was tired." Azriel snorted, and got up, ignoring Gwyn's squawk of complaint,

"I thought I was supposed to push you off, make up your mind," he laughed, turning to grab a set of leathers from the wardrobe,

Duck

What?

A pillow smacked him in the back of the head, and he turned to find Gwyn grinning triumphantly at him from where she sat on the bed. She squeaked and dived under the duvet when he picked up the pillow and tossed it into the air a few times, before throwing it back at the lump under the duvet,

"Asshole!" Came the muffled response, and he chuckled before ducking into the bathroom to change, grunting when his face met another pillow the moment he returned. Gwyn giggled, and threw another one that he barely managed to dodge, before crossing to the bed and grabbing the last pillow off her. He chuckled when she dived off the bed, grabbing the pillows she had thrown earlier. She threw one, and then pounced, smacking him with the pillow again and again, until he laughed, 

"I surrender! You win, oh mighty Valkyrie." Gwyn huffed, and let him up, grinning to herself as she ran out of the room to get her own leathers. Azriel chuckled to himself as she ran out,

Ask her to dinner.

What? No, don't be stupid.

Ask. Her. To. Dinner.

Stay out of this, just do your jobs.

Our job is to help you. We're helping you. Ask her to dinner.

Gwyn returned before he could respond, 

"Az, you're supposed to be teaching, it'd be absolutely disgraceful if you were late." Gwyn sauntered back out, leaving Azriel to roll his eyes and follow her. 

*****

Nesta was already there when Gwyn reached the training ring, 

"Are you planning anything today?" She asked, and Nesta shook her head,

"I was supposed to have lunch with Elain, but she's still not speaking to me after I shouted at her."

"What?"

"For upsetting you. She's mad, thinks I should be mad at you for being happy, and Az for being an idiot." Azriel winced as he overheard their conversation. "I shouted at her after you left, made her cry actually." Gwyn glanced away,

"I'm sorry, I don't want to be the cause of conflict between you."

"Oh you're not, Elain deciding to be a petty bitch is the cause, she's just picking a fight because she's upset that Az isn't following her around any more." He what?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he used to fancy her,"

"Used to?"

"He hasn't made any sort of move for ages, and she's never had to go for anything before, so she's a bit put out by it, I think. She doesn't dislike you, don't worry, I think she's just a bit all over the place at the moment." Gwyn nodded, and glanced towards Azriel, setting up the obstacle course again with Cassian. He'd stopped going after Elain. Nesta groaned as she followed Gwyn's eye line, "Cass has been being so annoying about that damned obstacle course, we've got to beat it, beat him." Nesta grinned at Cassian, casually rotating her wrist, and sending her sword flashing through the air. Cassian snorted with laughter, and shook his head,

"Save the swordplay for later, sweetheart." Nesta lost her rhythm, and narrowed her eyes at him, leaving Gwyn struggling to contain her laughter at Cassian's grin as Nesta flushed at the promise in his eyes. Nesta was saved from further embarrassment by Mor and Emerie's arrival, and Emerie grinned when Mor said something quietly, vanishing moments later,  leaving Emerie quickly explaining at Nesta's questioning glance,

"The brace is finished, Mor's gone to fetch it, and she's staying for training today." Gwyn didn't miss Emerie's grin each time she said Mor's name, but didn't comment on it either, turning her attention to the obstacle course facing her. She let a few others go first this time, focusing on listening. With each female taking on the course, Gwyn remembered Azriel's words, listening for their footsteps, the slight changes in direction, whether they were louder or quieter, running or walking, or fighting. When her turn came, she had a reasonable idea of what the course looked like, up to a point at least.

For the most part, she was right, and easily navigated the first half, before having to slow down, to pay closer attention to the obstacles. She focused on one at a time, but kept listening and  checking for any new ones, any potential 'enemies'. She passed her previous marker, and almost reached the end before the wooden beam she'd been running across gave way, and she collapsed to the floor, her wrist twisting unpleasantly beneath her. She squeaked in pain, and scrambled backwards as the beam fell, slamming into the ground where she'd been moments earlier.

"Shit!" A shadow was already swirling around her wrist, even as Azriel sprinted across the ring to reach her, a blue shield flaring up when another chunk of wood fell towards her. She scrambled to her feet, inspecting her wrist as she moved, it wasn't broken, sprained maybe, but nothing more. "Are you hurt?" Azriel gripped her elbow, tugging her towards him as he met her halfway across the ring,

"Not really, just hurt my wrist a bit." Azriel's attention snapped to the wrist in question, a shadow still circling it, and heaved a sigh of relief,

"It's not broken,"

"I know that, dumbass, I just fell funny on it, what happened? It wasn't supposed to break was it?"

"No, no it wasn't." Cassian was already at the faulty obstacle, and shouted back to Azriel,

"It's been tampered with, there's a bit of damage here as well," he ran a hand over the next obstacle, and locked eyes with Azriel, "This came from Illyria." Gwyn looked to Azriel, his face cold, almost unreadable, but a muscle twitched next to his eye, he was worried. She gently rubbed the hand still holding her elbow,

"It's okay, no-one got hurt."

"This time, who knows what might happen next time, that beam could have killed you."

"It didn't, I moved, we'll just have to closely inspect everything before every session." Azriel nodded, his siphons fading from the brilliant cobalt blue that they had been a few moments ago to a more subdued color, light no longer shining from them. He stepped back from Gwyn, running his gaze over her, from head to toe, and she let him ascertain for himself that she wasn't hurt, "I'm fine, Az." She muttered,

"Perhaps we should do something else today," Gwyn nodded, and let him lead her away from the obstacle course.

*****

Azriel fought the panic at seeing Gwyn in danger, she was safe, she was unharmed, mostly. She sat onto a bench by the wall and Azriel mumbled for her to wait a moment, not quite paying attention until he had grabbed their medical kit, and found the bandages inside,

"Az, I'm fine," Gwyn insisted, but didn't stop him from binding her wrist, and she caught his hands as he finished, her own tiny beside his, barely covering them as she smiled at him, "Thank you."

"Probably best if you avoid using it too much for now, you're lucky it's your left, you'll still be able to fight if you want." Gwyn nodded, and waited with Nesta and Emerie while he and Cassian cleared the debris out of the way, "You get some hand to hand practice set up, I'll sort archery, Emerie at least will be wanting to practice with the brace." Cassian rested a hand on his shoulder, and met his eyes,

"Breathe." Azriel did, drawing in a deep breath and releasing it through his nose, "She's fine." Azriel glance back to the bench,

She's okay,

The shadows whispered in his ear again, as they'd been doing since the first step he took from her,

"She doesn't need you to protect her, not now at least, just to help her."

"I know that. I just, I don't know." Cassian smiled,

"I do. It's difficult, but they're capable, she fought off a full warrior on her own last night, unarmed, she can handle a bit of wood." They, who was they? He didn't ask though, it had just been a slip of the tongue, he couldn't possibly mean Nesta and Gwyn, perhaps he meant they as in the Valkyries, there'd be no point in comparing Nesta and Gwyn. Nesta was Cass's mate, and Gwyn was, whatever she was to him, no way. He could have sworn a sigh sounded in his ear, and he offered Cassian a small smile as he made his way to the archery range, finally relaxing fully at a light laugh from behind him. He didn't need to look to know what she looked like, head tossed backwards, hair slightly falling out of her braid. He loved it when she laughed, they way the skin next to her eyes crinkled a little, her dimples forming when she smiled, even the sound of it. She laughed again, and his shadows hummed in response, the sound echoing through his mind as he set up three targets.

Emerie was lagging a little behind, with Mor helping her to do up the brace, her wings set higher than usual, and she grinned. Mor accidentally nudged a wing as she did up the final clasp, and Emerie froze, but an accidental touch didn't usually elicit that response, perhaps clipped wings were different, perhaps a touch was just painful. Gwyn made her way over, but didn't move to touch a bow, good, it would be a very bad idea to try to shoot with an injured wrist. He'd see if he could fix it after the session had finished, when he was a bit calmer.

Nesta smirked at Cassian, slowly drawing an arrow from her quiver and twirling it through her fingers, before quickly sending it flying for the target. She didn't take her eyes off him the whole time, relying on her peripheral vision to aim,

"Nesta! Stop that." He snapped his fingers in front of her face as she raised an eyebrow, and grinned, Azriel didn't even want to know how Cassian had responded, "Stop flirting, especially by shooting things, it's weird." Nesta just shrugged, 

"Whatever you say, chaperone." Azriel rolled his eyes,

"And how long does that continue for?"

"Until it stops being fun." Nesta looked sideways for a moment, thinking, "So never." Azriel groaned inwardly,

"Shoot the damn target." Emerie chuckled beside him, and Gwyn appeared next to her,

"You should know better than to spar with Nesta by now, Az,"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, just," he broke off, Nesta was staring across the ring again, her gaze locked with Cassian's, "Do you two need five minutes?" Nesta shook herself,

"What?"

"Do you need to grab Cass for five minutes, we'll cope." Nesta flushed, and shook her head, muttering to herself, sounding remarkably like 'five minutes my ass', "What, Nes?"

"Nothing." She narrowed her eyes at him and went back to shooting the target. Azriel chuckled to himself as he helped Emerie with her position, and her aim. She grinned at the first arrow that flew straight, her confidence skyrocketing with each successive arrow. When she managed to hit the bulls-eye a whoop sounded behind them, Mor. He hadn't even realized she was back. Odd, usually he knew exactly where she was,

"Yes!" She shouted, her grin matching Emerie's as she ran over to the Illyrian female, "Do that again and we'll go out tonight for a celebration." Emerie did, and again, having three bulls-eyes by the end of the session, although Azriel only saw the first, missing both others when he was either telling Nesta off for making eyes at Cassian, or talking to Gwyn. At one point he had to bite down on his lip to keep from roaring with laughter at her assessment of Nesta's weird flirting. Still, Nesta had glared at them both, and Azriel had shoved Gwyn in front of him, with her jokingly 'protecting' him from Nesta's wrath. 

Gwyn stayed to help clear up, and Azriel pretended not to note Cassian and Nesta's absence, but did grin on their return,

"Eight minutes, I do apologize, I underestimated you." He dodged the practice dagger that flew towards his head, although who had thrown it, he wasn't sure. "I do hope you plan on actually helping now." Cassian just sighed and shook his head, not bothering to reply, 

"Gwyn, did you want to have lunch, I never let you finish earlier?" Nesta asked, tidying up the last practice swords,

"Oh, yeah, so long as you're not going to be busy." 

"I'll meet you at one?" Gwyn nodded, and laughed when she wriggled against Cassian as he picked her up, and scrunched up her nose when he kissed it gently, 

"You mean to say I have to be away from you all of lunch? However will I cope?" He wailed dramatically, Nesta just patted him on the cheek,

"Stop being a baby." She wriggled out of his arms, before dashing out to escape. Azriel smiled at Gwyn's shout after her friend, his shadows dancing and weaving with the sound of her laugh when Nesta flipped her off. 

"Do you have time to practice a bit of silent fighting?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, tell you what, Cass! C'mere, Gwyn's gonna try and sneak up on us, and if we hear her, it'll be like she got caught and has to fight her way out." 

"What? I can't fight you two!" Gwyn protested,

"Just one of us, whoever hears you first will act as your enemy, the other will coach you through the fight." He grinned, and Gwyn nodded,

"Okay, so long as you don't actually beat me up." She grinned, and waited a moment for the males to walk a bit away from her,

"I bet you I hear her first," Cassian whispered,

"Oh yeah, how much?"

"Five gold marks."

"Five? Ten."

"Fine." Azriel grinned to himself, knowing Gwyn was already moving, and grinned wider when she made a slight misstep, and Cassian made no indication that he'd heard her. He whirled to face her,

"Got you, defend yourself, and get out." Cassian swore behind him, but tossed Gwyn a practice sword, and she raised it into a block just before Azriel reached her, he stayed silent as he circled around her, blocking her exit,

"Look around you Gwyn, what can you use against him?" Gwyn frantically glanced around and launched an attack, pushing him back, back, but he stepped over the loose stone, and Gwyn lost her rhythm, scrambling backwards to avoid the blows raining down. "Think Gwyn, he's bigger than you, stronger than you, do not let him drag this into close combat." Gwyn nodded, slowing her breathing and moved to disarm him, and would have succeeded had Azriel not known exactly what she was about to do. "Careful, don't let him know what you're planning, feint, trick him." She didn't, a trick in itself, and Azriel barely dodged her blow,

"Let's make this interesting," she panted, "If I win, you have to sit through all of dinner with Nesta and Cassian." Ugh, not a chance, he was never letting her win now, breakfast with those two was bad enough. Gwyn yelped as she dived sideways,

"And when I win?"

"If you win. What do you want?"

"Teach me piano." She laughed but agreed, and feinted left, but struck right. Azriel was already there, moving too fast for Gwyn to respond quickly enough, her sword went flying across the room, and she ducked underneath his to try and wrench it out of his grip before he could move against her, but he was faster. Gwyn yelped as he slipped sideways, and flipped her over, carefully shielding her head as she fell. She glared at him, and wriggled, but couldn't dislodge him. She huffed, "I win." Gwyn narrowed her eyes, unwilling to admit it, but still glared at him when he let her up. 

"Piano lesson tonight then," she muttered, "I'm having a bath."

Azriel chuckled as Gwyn stretched off, his worry about her wrist having vanished long ago and she waved at him as she vanished,

"Pay up." Cassian feigned shock, but sighed and handed over ten gold coins, 

"Fuck you."

"Pleasure doing business." Cassian was still glaring at him as he left, and he could have sworn he heard a bark of laughter from down the hall when he changed into clean clothes. With Gwyn and Nesta out for lunch he had time to plan, to actually see what he could do about the coming conflict, because it was coming. He and Cassian found each other, well, Cassian dragged himself into Azriel's room, carrying an armful of reports,

"I got the reports on each camp, we can at least get an idea of numbers based on loyalty." Azriel sighed and let him in, falling into a familiar routine,

"Windhaven's loyal."

"Four hundred and twenty-seven."

"Ironcrest could go either way, I have conflicting reports,"

"Well, they have three hundred and eighty-five warriors." Azriel nodded, noting down locations and numbers on the map pinned on his wall as Cassian spoke, building a clearer picture of what a war could look like, if they would win it, or if they would need the Darkbringers as well. Cassian was studying the map with his own gaze, looking at troop movements and numbers more than locations, and lords' loyalty. It wasn't as bad as he'd thought, more than half the camps were loyal, about a third were absolutely not, and the others, well, he couldn't be sure. If all went to plan, they'd have over half of Illyria's warriors on their side, if it came to a war Azriel was confident they'd win, but the cost would be huge. 

"It's not enough, we need to ensure that those unsure remain loyal." Cassian grunted in agreement,

"Perhaps we can get through to their females, and they can sway the undecided males, get Emerie to start something, and let it spread."

"We could get her to 'worry about her family in a war', that way other females will worry more, and convince their families not to try to start a war, and to be on the winning side if it comes to it." Cassian nodded, 

"She's still staying here with Mor tonight I think." Azriel nodded, 

"I'd be worried to go home too if I was her."

"I'm not sure that's, never mind, she'll go home tomorrow, maybe the day after, we can speak to her tomorrow at training." He was being weird. He couldn't mean something else, what was he not sure about? He almost asked,

Don't be stupid. 

I'm not.

You are. It's Mor she's staying with, don't be stupid.

I - oh. 

Azriel just smiled, and asked if Cassian wanted to talk to Rhys and Feyre or if he should,

"You have a piano lesson to get to, I'll head over now." He, shit. At some point the sun had indeed gone down, he hadn't even eaten dinner per say, but he supposed the endless plates of snacks probably counted, maybe. He couldn't help smiling to himself as he crossed the corridor and gently knocked on Gwyn's door,

"Hello Shadowsinger."

[thicctails]

Summer Of Whump Day 30[Crying/Lashing Out]

Reunited at last!

Omega leaned against a tree, her injured leg lifted off the ground slightly. Despite the pain that radiated from various points on her body, she was buzzing with excitement. Today was the day that they were going to meet up with the rest of the Bad Batch and Rex!

 They were just getting ready to leave, Crosshair going off to hunt something down so that they had extra provisions. Cal was laying down in the soft grass, rays of sunlight shining down on him as he slept. Omega felt a flicker of sadness go through her when she realized that Pillow was missing out on enjoying the planet’s nice warm environment.

 Crosshair had explained that Pillow, for some unexplainable reason, had cocooned himself in crystal. Omega hadn’t believed him at first, but the older clone had carried her back to the ship so that she could see it for herself. She’d spent the better part of half an hour just talking to the hunk of crystal, hoping that Pillow could hear her in there. She couldn’t sense him in the Force, which upset her. Crosshair said that he wouldn’t be in there for very long, but she could tell that he’d only said that to make her feel better. Truth was, nobody knew how long Pillow would be stuck in the shining purple chunk of rock.

 Omega could only hope that he was okay in there.

 “Hey.”

 Omega turned her head, surprised at who she saw.

 Chex shifted nervously, his arm resting in a sling. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed, his hair messy and his eyes still holding the remnants of sleep. He looked the way she felt, the two of them having just recently recovered from their fevers. She tilted her head slightly, not exactly sure why he had approached her.

 “I just,” He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, “I wanted to say… that I’m sorry. I was angry and hurting, but that was no excuse to act the way that I did. You’re actually really cool.”

 Omega felt his sincerity and guilt through the Force, and she gave him a half smile.

 “Thanks. You were pretty cool too, taking on that creature by yourself.” She replied. “Just try to avoid swinging that lightsaber at me, and we’ll be good.”

 Chex flushed red in embarrassment. “Yeah, that was one of my stupider moments.”

 “Yes, it was.”

 Chex whirled, gulping when he saw Crosshair standing behind him. The clone glowered at him, his golden-brown eyes narrowing dangerously. A large, furry beast was draped over his shoulder, a trickle of blood dripping down his armored chest. Omega stifled a laugh at the way the padawan visibly seemed to shrink, his shoulders hunching as he tried to make himself seem as small and nonthreatening as possible.

 “So, you’re the one that attacked my adiik.” He growled, and it was as if a thunderstorm had formed inside his chest.

 “Uhhh…” Chex squeaked, somehow becoming even smaller.

 “Crosshair, I think you’re going to give him a heart attack.” Omega giggled.

 “Good.” Crosshair rumbled, still making direct eye contact with the cowering teen.

 Omega rolled her eyes and gave Chex a little shove, causing him to snap out of his terror-induced paralysis and dash away as fast as possible.

 Omega couldn’t hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing, her throat still a bit rough from her illness. She wiped at her eyes as Crosshair continued to glare at the retreating padawan, a toothpick clenched in his teeth.

 “You should have left him to cower, it was amusing.” He grumbled, giving her a small smile.

 “Cal’s gonna be so mad! He wanted to see you do that.” Omega wheezed.

“He should have stayed awake, then.” He said simply. “Come on, let’s get going.”

 She waits until Crosshair has woken Cal up before she moves. She limped forward, accepting Crosshair’s arm when he offers it. She knows that, if she asks, he’ll carry her back to the ship, but she wants to try and do it herself. She’s tired of feeling weak.

 Together, the trio made their way back to the ship. Crosshair threw his catch into the cold storage while Cal and Omega strapped in. Omega claimed the co-pilot’s seat, and Cal didn’t have the heart to fight her for the prized seat while she was injured. Resigning himself to a seat farther back, he curled up and went back to sleep, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his chest.

 “Ready?” Crosshair asked, sliding into the pilot’s seat.

 “Ready!” Omega replied enthusiastically.

 Crosshair stared out the windshield with a determined look on his face.

 “Then let’s go home.”

    Hunter paced back and forth, stopping every thirty seconds to listen for the sound of approaching footsteps. He stared out at the open sky, wishing that his sight was as good as his hearing so that he could see if a ship was coming in. Upon seeing nothing and hearing nothing, he resumed his pacing.

 “Hunter, for the love of the Maker, please stop pacing!” Echo groaned, shooting Hunter an annoyed look. “Walking back and forth isn’t going to make them arrive any sooner.”

 Hunter huffed, crossing his arms. “They should have been here by now. What if something went wrong? What if Crosshair’s chip activated again?”

 “It’s been an hour since we got here. Give them some time.” Tech said, but Hunter didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked towards the sky.

 “Ugh, we’ve given them time.” Wrecker, who had been laying on the floor lifting boxes, sat up. “I say we go lookin’ for ‘em.”

 “That could draw unnecessary attention to ourselves. We’re staying put.” Rex replied.

 Hunter opened his mouth to argue, but stopped when a new sound reached his ears.

 Footsteps. One set was steady and calm, one was hesitant, and the other was uneven, like the person was limping. He turned his head, staring directly at the doorway.

 “Someone’s coming. A few someones.” He said in a hushed voice. Hope made his heart rate pick up, but he also knew to be cautious. There was always the possibility that whoever was coming down the hall wasn’t friendly.

 The group rallied around them, and the air was thick with tension. Hands rested on blasters as the footsteps became audible to everyone.

 They waited.

 There was silence for a moment, the approaching people pausing, hesitant to enter the room. Then, a familiar mop of blonde hair appeared from around the corner. Soft, honey-brown eyes locked onto them, and Omega’s star-bright grin lit up the space around them.

 “Omega!” The Bad Batch yelled, running over to her. She had barely stepped forward when Hunter reached her, scooping her up into a tight hug, ever careful not to touch her scarring burns.

 Omega’s face disappeared into Hunter’s neck, her own smooth skin brushing up against his stubble. The scent of damp earth and clean rainfall fills his senses, and Hunter takes a moment to absorb it, to take comfort from the fact that their ad’ika is back in his arms and that she’s alive and okay. Her limbs shake as she wraps her arms around his neck, almost choking him with how tightly she’s holding on. He doesn’t care. Omega is back, and that’s what matters.

 But she’s not the only family member that has returned to them today.

 Still holding onto Omega, he opens his eyes to see Crosshair standing in the door frame. His vod looks… tired. The skin beneath his eyes is dark, and in his cognac brown eyes Hunter sees a frightening mix of bone-deep exhaustion, deep-seeded guilt, and wavering fear, like he doesn’t know if Hunter is going to hug him or strike him.

 “C’mere, Cross’ika.” The nickname is one that he hasn’t used since their early days of life, but it still rolls off his tongue like smooth honey.

 Crosshair stiffens at the name, and Hunter can practically see the shock going through his mind. He hesitantly steps closer, still uncertain of Hunter’s intentions. Once he’s close enough, Hunter grabs his younger brother and pulls him into his chest, wrapping an arm around his back. He shifts Omega in his arm so that she’s still sitting comfortably while he holds Crosshair as close as he can.

 Before Crosshair could even register the sensation of being pulled into a hug, their other vode joined in, practically smothering Omega and Crosshair with affection. Tech wiggled his way close to Hunter’s side, throwing his arms around Crosshair and tucking his face into his shoulder. Echo was closer to Omega, eagerly offering the now teary-eyed girl a hug when she spotted him. And Wrecker? Well, Wrecker used his enhanced size to hug them all.

 Crosshair blinked, the weight of his vode bringing back fuzz-tinted memories of days long gone. He blinked again, feeling the unfamiliar sting of tears prick at the edges of his eyes. He took in a shuddering breath, the fear of rejection slowly bleeding out of him.

 “Welcome back, vod.” It was Echo’s voice this time, kind and heavy with relief.

 “’s good to be back.” He whispered, resting his chin on Hunter’s shoulder.

 Suddenly, there’s a noise. A shifting of feet on a metal floor makes Crosshair pull back, remembering that it wasn’t just him and Omega that had walked down the hall.

 “Cal,” He called, turning back towards the doorway. “come on out, ad’ika.”

 The Batch and Rex, who had come over once he’d realized that someone hadn’t revealed themself yet, peered curiously towards the doorway. Hunter could hear a small heartbeat increase as the hidden figure slowly poked his head out of the shadows. Startlingly green eyes broke the pattern of light browns, the boy glancing nervously at the group. He shuffled in place, looking like he wanted to bolt.

 They stared at him, he stared at them. All was silent.

 “Is that the kid you stole?”

 “TECH!”

 The kid’s face crinkled with amusement when Crosshair smacked Tech upside the head, scowling at him.

 “Yeah, I’m his stolen Jedi kid. Took me out of my jail cell right as I was getting comfortable.” He joked, laughing when Crosshair lightly smacked him on the head.

 “Shush, you little womp rat. If you were stolen by anyone, it was that Jedi.”

 “She would’a gave us back.”

 “Debatable. You and Omega are very likeable.”

 Wrecker laughed at the conversation. “Aw, Crossy’s gone soft.”

 “Wrecker.” Crosshair warned, bristling at the nickname.

 “Crossy?!” Cal, Rex, and Omega asked, trying not to laugh.

 “Do not call me that!” Crosshair snapped, his cheeks burning red.

 “Softie Crossy! Softy Cros- hurk!” Wrecker started to tease, but was cut off when Crosshair gave him a hard shove. The second-oldest clone let out a playful yell and pulled Crosshair down, wrestling with him on the floor.

 “Ori’vod, help me out!” Wrecker yelled, trying to wrangle Crosshair. The younger clone was too slippery, however, and Crosshair soon managed to wrap his legs around Wrecker’s neck, squeezing just enough to cut off most of his airflow.

 Hunter laughed, an actual, full-belly laugh. It had been years since he’d done that!

 “Tech, here,” He said, passing a giggling Omega off to his youngest brother, “hold this.”

 Tech accepted the armful of child, smiling at her and planting a kiss on her forehead. She leaned into him, tucking herself under his chin.

 “Hello, sarad’ika.” He said softly, taking a moment to fully realize the fact that Omega was back, that his inability to protect her hadn’t ended in her demise. “Gar cuyir bid kotir, ad'ika.”

 “Tech,” She whined, wiggling a bit to get comfortable,“I don’t know what that means. You guys need to teach me whatever language you’re speaking.”

 “We will, little one. I was just saying that you’re very brave, even when you were faced with a terrible situation.” Tech said, giving her an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep you safe when you needed me to.”

 “It’s okay, Tech. I’m actually glad I got caught. Otherwise, I never would have met Cal.” She said, looking towards the redhead. He was cheering Crosshair on, Echo carefully watching to make sure he didn’t accidentally get dragged into the playful brawl.

 “Ah yes, our surprise addition.” Tech said, turning to look as well. “We’re going to have to build a new bunk.”

 “Me and him can sleep on Crosshair’s ship.” Omega said.

 Tech tightened his hold, almost looking distressed at her suggestion. “No. You aren’t allowed to leave our sight, not again. We can leave that Imperial scrapheap here.”

 “No we can’t! Pillow’s still in his weird cocoon thing.” Omega protested.

 “A… cocoon?” Tech questioned.

 “Yeah. He put himself into a big crystal!” She said, spreading her arms out as if to emphasize how large the object was.

 “An amphibian creating a cocoon is bizarre, but a crystalline one? That’s unheard of.” Tech muttered. “I need to analyze it. Would you like to come with me, or stay here?”

 “Stay with you.” Omega said, tucking herself back underneath Tech’s chin. She didn’t want to be put down, didn’t want to be without contact right now. The Force sang happily around her, pleased by her reuniting with her family.

 Tech chuckled and adjusted her so that he was holding her with one arm.

 “Very well then, let’s go see our crystallized friend.”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

From Chin To Yon Rah (Part 41)

I typed this chapter on mobile so it might have more typos than usual and I, a responsible fic writer, do not proof read.

Warmth. There is a sense of community in warmth and trying to stay in a state of it during the colder months. Wujing makes a celebration of doing so. And that is how she finds herself seated around the largest fire she has seen in the Earth Kingdom. She is their go to women to keep it lit until the festivities are over.

They seem to rather adore her fire and on nights like these she yearns to display a vivid blue. Perhaps one day. One day after she tells Hajime who she is. Though she isn't sure when she would tell everyone else. She hopes that everyone will take just as well to her fire when it burns blue. Perhaps if she is lucky, they will enjoy it more.

Until then she adds more orange to the blaze while Atsu shifts his weight in her arms. "My turn, Atsu!" Caihong declares.

"No-o." Atsu shakes his head, "she's my mama, go by yer dad!"

Despite the boy's protests, Azula lifts the blanket and let's Caihong crawl under it and next to Atsu. Hajime steps away from the fire and returns to her side. "I'd say that this is a promising way to start the winter."

"We've had a productive year. We have more than enough to get the Wujing through the winter." Seukhyun notes.

"No thanks to you, boy." Ojihara jests.

"I did most of the work ol' man!"

Listening to the father and son go back and forth is one more constant in her life. A thing that wouldn't feel right if absent.

Azula, to the best of her ability with to little beasts in her lap, moves closer to the fire. "Hey!" Atsu shouts, "I was com-fera-table!"

"I wasn't." Azula shrugs. Truth be told her legs are tingling from having held the same position for so long. "I need to stand up."

Neither of the children takes the cue so she tells them both to stand. She doesn't know why she expected to be met with anything other that a, "no, Rikka! We're cozy!" And an agreeing not from Atsu.

"Hajime, hold these things." She sets Atsu and then Caihong in his lap.

"These things are called children, Rikka." He laughs while Atsu folds his arms and pouts.

"They're more like chittering toad-squirrels if you ask me." She stretches her arms and then her back with a contented sigh. She makes her way even closer to the fire.

"Cider?" A man offers. She recognizes him from the market square, a clothes salesman she thinks. She can't quite recall his name but it could be Poying or maybe Poyang. The man is quite fond of telling everyone that he has a tinge of Air Nomad blood. Azula isn't the only person to take this with several grains of salt.  But he is an honest man otherwise do she takes the glass with a thank you.

"Gimme'a sip, gimme'a sip!" Caihong makes a jump or two for Azula's cider.

Poyang chuckles, "aye, lil' one we got plenty more, ya don't have to snatch Rikka's."

"You don't have to take me." She repeats smugly, holding her glass just out of Caihong's reach. The girl sticks out her lower lip, folds her arms across her chest, and gives her foot a stomp--making sure to rumble the ground for good measure.

Hajime gives her a little nudge. "Aww don't tease Cai."

"She's gonna get her drink anyways." Seukhyun dismisses just as Poyang comes back with more cider.

"Poyang has the best stuff!" Atsu declares after his first sip.

"Cause his brother's the apple man!" Caihong declares enthusiastically.

"One day we'll have to visit his orchard together." Hajime offers.

"We have a lot of one days to get to." Azula points out. But she supposes that they will have a lifetime to do them.

"It's nice to have a lot to look forward to, isn't it?" He slings an  around her waist and pulls her closer. Hot cider splashes onto her shirt. She crinkles her nose, "thanks, Hajime."

"You said that you were getting cold. I thought that I'd help you warm up."

"Won't be so warm when this cider freezes…"

"That's what you get for not sharing it!" Caihong declares smugly. That impish little earth gremlin…

That day she learns that there is a special bond, a sense of community, that comes with the seeking of warmth.

.oOo.

She hadn’t expected to outlast him, but her demise comes as a surprise all the same. And maybe it is because she had wrapped her topmost parka around him. Maybe it is because she had stripped off her remaining glove to keep a fire going for him. For the both of them.

But she is weak and grows weaker as the cold burrows into her wound and seeps deeper into her bones. She looks at the teeth marks with much hatred. Could those have been prevented?

“Azula?” Sokka murmurs. It is the first sound that he has made in a while. And she could cry. Maybe both of them will die, but at least she won’t have to watch another lover do it before she succumbs for herself. She is so terribly cold, she can’t imagine that it will be much longer now.

"Yeah?" She answers.

"What happened?" He slurs.

"First we got caught in a blizzard and then we we got attacked by wolves…"

"Where's dad?"

Azula grits her teeth. "We couldn't find him, remember." They might have fared better against the wolves if they had. As things were they had taken a good chunk out of her arm before being struck down by Sokka's boomerang. The man best appreciate her taking those teeth for him instead of focusing on her own fight. On the grander scheme of things she supposes that it doesn't matter at all. They had done more damage than even that in shredding Sokka's parka and stealing one of her gloves. If they hadn't, she might not have had to spare one if her own.

Agni, she isn't built for this weather. She isn't adapted to withstand it. And it hurts so terribly. Everything stings and tingles. Her face and toes especially. Her fingers had tingled  it that has subsided to a more than alarming nothingness. She sniffles, if only to remind herself that she still has a nose. Her cheeks are so red and she feels as though they have been slapped repeatedly. In a sense, they have. The winter slaps them with a force that a human hand couldn't possibly manage.

She had never realized just how much the cold could burn. Very resentfully, she thinks that the cold might just be higher than even her fire.

She huddles closer to Sokka, rather she tries to do so oh to find that they are as close as they can possibly be. And there is nowhere near enough warmth between the two of them.

"Take your parka back, Azula." Sokka says.

She shakes her head.

"Azula, you need it more, you're not…"

She shakes her head, "no." She won't be the weak one here. She can't allow it. She can't allow it especially if it means watching another lover die. "No."

At least now she can say with conviction that she does love him. Very much. Just as much as she loved Hajime. And more than enough to let herself succumb to the cold to give him a chance.

He tries to remove his parka anyhow so she rolls atop him, he is too weak to shove her off. Which is good because she would have been too weak to resist if he had.

The bite marks on her arm flare. She closes her eyes and shudders as another pang passes through her. How long have they been out here like this? Long enough for the blizzard to pass.it occurs to her that she and Sokka are half buried.   The realization come with a jolt of panic--a queasiness in her belly and a spinning in her head. She doesn't want to be buried in a coffin of snow. She doesn't want to be buried at all. The panic is fleeting when she recalls that she has already unburied herself in putting her body atop Sokka's. Though that isn't to say that more snow won't come to cover them up, she hopes to be hours dead by then.

"You know, I always thought that I would die in combat." She mumbles, pressing her ear to his chest so that she can hear his heartbeat. So that she can be sure that she isn't alone. "That would have been more glorious than this."

"You're not…"

But she isn't done lamenting, "but I also always thought that I would be alone when I died. So I guess that this is better." It's certainly better than dying alone and dehydrated in a grassland.

"We're not going to die."

"We're in the middle of nowhere and the rest of the village didn't expect us to venture this far out to the glacier. We've been out here for hours, my arm won't stop bleeding…"

"Yeah." Sokka's expressions darkness. "Looks pretty grim doesn't it." He is so cold that his breath no longer comes out in puffs. He is quiet for a very long while. "Katara, Aang, Toph, and I were once lost in a desert with ver little water. You made it out of several situations like this…"

"Yes, Sokka and it was mostly luck. How many times can I keep getting lucky?" She doesn't have the energy for shouting. For changing her tone and diction at all really.

She feels Sokka's hands patting her hair. "Hopefully every time."

.oOo.

There is no worse feeling than watching Azula go limp and mostly quiet. For the last several minutes, the oh sign of life was an occasional wimper. Her body is still trembling but not as violently as it had been. She is shutting down. And she still won't take his parka.

"I'm so cold, Sokka." She whispers, her voice sounding so pathetically small. But she is afraid. He can tell, if only because he is terrified too.

"Yeah, me too, Azula."

She rubs her face against his chest. She gets no warmth out of it because there is none left in him. He looks to the sky. To the glimmering cosmos above. Maybe he'll be reborn as one of them…

Azula clings to him with what can oy be the last very last ounces of her strength.

"It's okay, Sokka." She tries to smile though her face is too stiff with the cold. "I told you on the first day that I came back that I had more waiting for me in the Spirit World…"

"Don't say that." He squeezes her tighter.

"It's okay." She says again. "I think I that he wanted me to do a bit more exploring but he'll be happy to know that I got this far."

He wonders if she is thinking of Caihong at all. He wonders if that will do her any good anyways. He doesn't want to say it, especially not to her. But she is right, she is dying. He doesn't think that she will last the night even of he does force her back into her parka.

He hugs her as tight as he can. And then he rolls her onto her back. She murmurs some sort of protest, some sort of distress. But there is something that he wants her to see. Something that he needs her to see.

"Look up, Azula. Open your eyes." He gently slaps her cheeks and her eyes flutter open. They are unfocused and mostly vacant. He slaps her cheeks again until he has her at least a little more alert. “Look at the lights, Azula.”

He thinks that she might have smiled. "That's nice, Sokka." But her eyes close again and the moment is good.

She doesn't cry. She doesn't bargain or beg. She simply squints and, to the best of her ability with blackened, numb fingers and clumsy daze, touches his cheek. And then her hand falls and her eyes close once more. No amount of slapping gets them to open again.

In the distance he hears barking. Sprits, he prays that the wolves aren't back. He squeezes her hand if only to feel her slowing pulse.

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours- 12

Word Count: 6,134

Story Summary: follows Dean and the Reader through season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: Kevin makes his ghostly presence known and that leads to a rescue mission. You finally get tired of the boys not talking.

Warnings: the usual. Blood, fighting, cursing, talk of sex

You stepped out the shower and dried off then dressed before going in search of Dean and Sam. The phistaco case had a couple close calls and you were all a little spent but it was nice to be working together again, it was nice to be home in the bunker but the animosity between the two of them was chokingly strong and you couldn’t fix it. No matter how much you wanted to, you knew they had to get there.

You stepped out into the hall and headed to your shared room with Dean first but when it was empty you headed to the kitchen. You were about to step around the corner when you heard Sam say “Just once be honest with me, you didn’t save me for me. You did it for you” you stopped and knew you should just walk back to the room and wait for Dean but that little voice inside your head said to listen so you leaned back against the wall. Dean’s voice broke through the silence “What are you talkin about?” you could hear it in his voice, the guilt and the pain. No matter how much you cared about Sam you hated to hear Dean sound like that. 

“I was ready to die. I should have died, but you..you didn’t want to be alone. And that’s what this all boils down to. You can’t stand the thought of being alone..I’ll give you this much..you’re willing to do the sacrificing as long as you’re not the one being hurt” in all the time you’d known him you’d never really gotten pissed off at Sam. Yeah when he was hooked on demon blood he was a problem but you knew a lot of that had simply been the addiction. Then when he was soulless he was a douche but now he was just saying things to hurt. You started to let your presence known until Dean said “All right you want me to be honest?” you knew whatever was about to go down between them had to so you remained unseen and silent as Dean continued “If the situation was reversed and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.”

Your stomach fell when Sam said “No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances I wouldn’t” Dean didn’t say anything so Sam sighed “I’m gonna get to bed” fuck you were about to get caught eavesdropping. Your room that still held most of your weaponry was closest so you ducked into it and waited until you heard Sam walk by and his door close before stepping out. You glanced towards his room and saw the small amount of light from his tv so you walked slowly towards the kitchen.

You stepped around the corner and Dean glanced up from where he was sitting at the table “Hey baby” you breathed and he nodded “Hey sweetheart. Did you hear any of that?” you started to lie, you really did but you couldn’t not in that moment. “Yeah but Dean I think he’s just still hurt” you tried and he shook his head “Come here” you walked over and climbed into his lap letting him pull you against his chest “Maybe he’s right and not just about him. Even Crowley called me out on the fact that I’m putting a target on your back for Abaddon but I still don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t stand the thought of losing you or Sam”

You tried to pull back to look up at him but he held you in place so you simply kissed his neck since that was the only thing you could reach “You’re not going to lose me Dean. For what it matters I don’t think you’ll lose Sam either it’s just going to take time. Now that we’re all back here I’ll try talking to him about it more so maybe I can get through to him, make him see?” He kissed the top of your head with a sigh “Can we go to bed? I’d much rather feel you next to me than think about this any more”

You nodded “I like that plan actually” he let you climb out of his lap then took the hand you held out. When he stood he pulled you against him for a kiss. It started innocently enough but when you felt his hands curve across your ass you smiled into the kiss “I thought you wanted to go to sleep” he pulled back and shrugged “I said go to bed not what we can do once we get to bed” you shook your head with a laugh and grabbed his hand “Well what are we waiting for in that case?” 

------

You laid there a few hours later your bare body pressed against Dean’s as his fingers trailed along your spine. You knew he was watching you without turning over to look at him. You’d find him doing that even more often than before. “You’re not weak for not wanting to be alone” you whispered into the dark and his fingers stopped their rhythmic motions “What?” he questioned so you turned over pulling the sheet up around your breasts to keep some sense of modesty while you spoke because if given the chance Dean would take the distraction.

“Everyone’s lonely in this life Dean, even people who aren’t as complicated as we are. I think sometimes the point in life is finding your person or people that chase the lonely away and hold tight to them with everything you have. It takes more strength to fight for those you love than to walk away” he half smiled then tugged you over on top of him so you were effectively straddling his bare waist “How the hell can you be this amazing and want someone like me?”

You lightly grazed your nails across his chest smiling when he closed his eyes and swallowed hard at the action “Whatever happens with the mark and with Abaddon, I’m yours Dean” he opened his eyes and god it felt like he was looking into your soul itself when he said “And I’ll always be yours but if she targets you..” you cut him off by catching his lips in a gentle kiss “Then I’ll fight the bitch with everything I’ve got” you started kissing down his jaw causing him to roll his hips up into yours and you groaned when you felt how hard he was again. “Now who’s using sex to sidestep an argument?” he teased with a laugh that turned into a sigh of your name when you started kissing across his chest. “Are you asking me to stop?” you questioned glancing up at him. He licked his lips before shaking his head profusely “Hell no” you grinned and let the sheet fall away.

-------

You were half asleep around three the following morning when you got a sudden chill. You sat up and glanced around. When you reached to turn the bedside lamp on you could see your breath and heard what sounded like whispering from the hallway. “Um Dean?” he sat up and his eyes flew to the flickering lamp. “Shit”

You quickly climbed out of bed pulling pants on under the shirt you slept in before grabbing one of the sawed off shotguns from Dean’s stack of weapons. You chunked it to him then grabbed the other one.

You stepped out into the hall and motioned towards the garage so he took the other direction. You slowly crept around each corner checking the noises and mentally cursing the flickering electricity. When you got to the garage you flicked the lights on for the lower level and stepped inside. You went over the lower and upper level to no avail except for the lights flickering off and on. When you walked by your jeep the radio came to life but the moment you touched the door handle it shut off.

You decided to head back towards the library when you heard Dean call out for Sam followed by Sam calling out for Dean so you picked up your pace, still carefully checking every corner you went around. You slid around the corner in the map room in enough time to see Dean blast the spirit before it hit Sam. “Well” you spoke getting both of their attention on you before Dean nodded “Yup,bunker’s haunted”

------

You walked into the kitchen as Dean was questioning “How is this possible? This is supposed to be the safest place on the planet” “Nothing could’ve got in” you replied, taking the cup of coffee he offered you before walking over to the table to start helping Sam make more salt rounds. Sam nodded in agreement with you “Like Y/N said, the bunker is warded and sigiled from top to bottom. There’s no way something came in from the outside” “Ok, so whoever’s haunting us died here” Dean reasoned you were concentrating on filling the shell in front of you and only half involved in their conversation “What, dead man of letters?” Sam asked.

“Doesn’t track. We’re the first people to occupy this place in fifty years. Why would a ghost wait so long to get it’s spook on?” Dean argued so you glanced up and offered “Must have been a more recent death” “No” Dean said shaking his head. 

“How can you be so sure?” Sam asked and Dean pointed at you “Me and Y/N burnt his body ourselves” he looked towards you “Sweetheart it can’t be him” “Dean we’ve cremated people and they’ve still managed to haunt. What if he’s tied to something of his that’s still here?” Dean sighed “Baby, I’m telling you this ghost. It’s not Kevin” time the name left Dean’s mouth the coffee maker started beeping like a prize had just been won on a game show. “Kev?” you asked and one of the coffee cups exploded.

“I think it’s a better possibility than you thought Dean” Sam stated motioning at the mess before he glanced over his shoulder at you. “Call his name again” “Kev?” you spoke lightly standing up as you walked towards the coffee maker and it started beeping again. “What do we do?” you asked looking at Dean who looked just as lost as you felt.

------

You decided to go back to the garage since your radio had acted up to try to see if Kevin may feel chatty there. You were also giving Sam and Dean a chance to talk in hopes that maybe they actually would.

You walked into the darkened garage and slowly walked up to your jeep. You touched the handle and was hoping the radio would do something but nothing happened. You sat there for the better part of a half hour trying. You finally took a deep breath before saying “Kev, I don’t know if you can hear me but I am so sorry. God that falls so flat but I am. Me and Dean we let that angel in not knowing much about him to save Sam. We kept the truth from you, from Sam and from Cas. I should’ve helped to protect you. I should’ve stayed at your side that day. I should’ve done something. Now you’re gone, Cas is fighting other angels..Sam and Dean..they barely talk. Everything’s gotten so fucked up and I have no clue what to do. I should’ve saved you. We should’ve done more. You didn’t choose this life like we did. You were a kid and you lost everything but still chose to help fight in whatever way you could. You were the one who deserved to make it out of this alive more than any of us” you slowly climbed out the jeep then headed back down to the lower level.

------

Once you were back in the main part of the bunker you headed towards the kitchen and found Dean alone which wasn’t really a surprise. You froze at the door when you heard him say “It was my fault. There’s nothing I can do to make it right and I am so sorry” you stepped around the corner as the lights started to flicker. Dean had his hand covering his eyes and didn’t see you or the lights. Before you could say anything Sam ran into the room behind you “Did you see that?” Dean looked from you to Sam so you said “Yeah..the lights”

You spun around when you heard Kevin’s voice “No, this is not happening. I did not spend months struggling to break through the veil just to get stuck listening to Dean Winchester having a self pity session” your eyes widened when he became visible. You cut your eyes at the boys and both of their attention was on Kevin as well. “Didn’t hear enough of those when I was alive and now Y/N is starting in on them too” “Kevin?” Dean called out and Kevin’s eyes flew up to look at the three of you “You can see me?”

Kevin’s form started flickering so Sam cautioned “Take it easy. You may not hold this form for long ok? It takes a while” “Then we should talk fast” Kevin reasoned but Dean interrupted “Wait..wait why aren’t you in heaven? If anybody deserves a pass to paradise..” but Kevin cut him off “I couldn’t. I can’t” his form flickered but his voice stayed strong as he continued “No one can. Heaven’s closed for business”  his form flickered back in “Everyone’s died since the angels fell are just stuck inside the veil, waiting”

You swallowed hard at that thought. What had Metatron done? “How bad?” you asked quietly and Kevin replied “DMV line times infinity bad” “What can we do?” you questioned trying to think of any way to help not only Kevin but all the trapped souls. “I need a favor, a big one”

“Name it” Sam replied and Kevin looked towards Dean as he said “Find my mother” “Crowley only told you she was alive to mess with you” Dean cautioned but you were guessing Kevin had found something out important enough to give him the juice to cross back over and that feeling was confirmed when he said “I’m not going off his word.I have my own sources. It’s crowded in the veil. All of us are stuck near the sites of our deaths but I’ve been able to pass messages spirit to spirit. I made contact with another new arrival. She said she saw my mom just a week ago, alive”

You cut your eyes at Dean as he said “So this spirit that you’re playing ghost telephone with,I mean what do you even know about her?” “Her name’s Candy. Says she’s in a forest in Wichita” “Candy?” Dean questioned and Sam added “That’s all you got?”

Kevin looked towards you as he spoke “Long distance communication within the veil..it’s not ideal. That’s why I need you to go there,summon her. See what else she knows. You and Dean both say you want to make it right? This is how” his form flickered again so you spoke before he could disappear “Of course we’ll do it Kev”

------

“Well there’s the trestle” you announced pointing up ahead of you, Dean and Sam. Sam nodded “Candy said her spirit was stuck nearby” “She died here?” Dean asked and you shrugged “Yeah, I guess so” “What the hell got her? A bear?” he added and you tried not to laugh when Sam said “I’m still stuck on the fact that we’re trying to summon a ghost named Candy”

You shook your head “Both of you stop with the half jokes!” Dean winked at you and Sam shot you a small smirk. You were helping Dean unload his bag when Sam said “You know just because Kevin heard his mom is alive..” “We owe it to the kid to try” you and Dean both spoke then stared at each other for a second before going back to setting everything up.

“What’d you two bring anyways?” Sam asked so Dean replied “She’s only been dead a week so we figured she could use as much help as she could get so..” Sam turned around about the time Dean was pulling the coffee maker out the bag and you were hanging a radio on a tree. “Really?” Sam asked and Dean shrugged “Whatever works”

------

The three of you had been sitting for hours with no contact from Candy. It was overcast and raining.You were getting cold and Dean was getting a little grumpy. “You feel that? I think I felt a chill” Sam said and Dean scoffed “Yeah that’s cause it’s cold” you shivered despite yourself and Sam scooted a little closer to you so you smiled and leaned against his shoulder while Dean pulled his phone out. You weren’t sure who he was calling until he said “Crowley? It’s Dean. Call me when you get this”

“Really Dean?” you cut your eyes up at Sam when he spoke and Dean turned to look at the two of you “What?” Sam motioned to Dean’s phone “That’s your third unanswered voicemail. Ever think he’s just not that into you” “Well he is our last confirmed link to Ms Tran. Yes he is a flaming douche but at least we know he’s real which is more than we can say for this Candy no show” Dean reasoned finishing off his beer before reaching into his jacket pocket and holding out a pair of his thick gloves to you. “Thank you” you smiled, slipping them onto your hands. Dean nodded “Figured you’d get cold and you forgot to bring your own gloves”

The radio you’d hung up in the tree glowered to life. Sam and Dean both rose to walk towards it so you followed hoping it was Candy so you could actually find Ms Tran for Kevin.

------

Candy recounted that she along with Ms Tran and a few others were trapped in boxes. From the description she gave it was storage units they were trapped in. She described her captors and one of them was clearly Crowley. When Crowley stopped coming leaving her with the other man she figured it upped her chances of escape but he caught up with her at the trestle.

------

With no other option the three of you decided to check the nearest storage facilities out after changing into your fed suits. You sat in the backseat of baby listening while Sam said “There are three storage facilities nearby. The closest one is a mile up the road. Oh and I dug up some stuff on Candy” you leaned up across the seat as he continued “turns out she was the kept woman of a powerful congressman. Gossip blog said he worshipped the ground she walked on,literally. He uh..foot fetish” well you weren’t one to judge but a foot fetish? To each their own.

Dean nodded “So Crowley was holding the beloved tootsies of a powerful politician” “And the beloved mother of a powerful prophet” you added with a shrug “Human leverage is a bitch”

“Why kill Candy though?” Dean pondered and Sam shrugged “She made a break for it. Maybe Crowley wanted to make an example?” “Or the guy left in charge couldn’t handle his shit. Crowley wanted them alive. Kill em you lose your leverage” you chimed in and Dean nodded in agreement.

“Crowley’s still the one that put them in the cells in the first place” Sam reminded and you nodded “Yeah I know Sam. I don’t like that little gremlin either but we got to talk this shit out to work the case” “Being businesslike” Dean added and you could tell you’d missed something from the look they shared but ignored it.

------

Dean held the door leading into the office of the storage facility open for you so you stepped inside then Sam grabbed the door so he could walk. “Let me guess, five foot five, pasty white .Black rimmed hipster glasses just like the last place” so far none of the other facilities had paid off.

You shook your head then hit the bell sitting on top of the desk. Movement in the office caught your eye and Dean smirked at you and Sam when the guy stood up “Nailed it” you cut your eyes at him and he winked at you as the guy walked around the corner “Can I help you?” You pulled your badge out as Dean did the introduction of “Agents Nicks, McVie and Monroe. We need to take a look at your rental records” the guy stammered “Uh my manager’s not here. I really don’t think I should” You cut him off by saying “Get the records!” he stared at you for a second then nodded “Yes ma’am” then called over his shoulder “Barry! Bring out the rental binder!”

Barry of course fit the bill of being 5’5, pasty white with black rimmed hipster glasses. You saw Sam and Dean share a smirk. Sam walked over to look at the dry erase board on the wall so when “Del” sat the binder down in front of you with a smile and said “There you are ma’am” You opened it and Dean looked over your shoulder while you flipped the pages 

Sam noticed something on the board because he called you and Dean over so you handed the binder to Dean before both of you walked towards him. He pointed up the board “Check it out. Corridor Q. Three adjacent units separate from the others. I mean Candy said there were three hostages, right?” “Yeah” you nodded and reached for the binder in Dean’s hands flipping it to the Q section while he held it. He read over your shoulder once you got it to the right page “Says it’s all leased by the same guy a D. Webster” “Wait, as in like Daniel Webster?” Sam questioned and Dean rolled his eyes “Well I know a lame Crowley in joke when I see one”

Good ol Del was eavesdropping from the counter and asked “Did you guys say D Webster?” “Yeah. You seen him?” you asked walking back across the floor and feeling both Sam and Dean follow your movements. Del seemed to get a little nervous “No I just uh I know his name from the records. He’s leasing another unit on the other side of the facility” he realized all three of you were waiting for him to say what unit so he added “ I could show you?” Dean smiled “Yeah, that’d be great” Del grabbed the keys so Dean turned to look at you “Go with Sam and check out corridor Q. I’ll go with Del the funky homosapien” “Have fun” you whispered and he tilted his head with a smirk before walking out.

Sam looked back at you “Q it is?” you nodded and waved a hand towards the door “Lead the way Samuel”

------

You followed Sam through the hall leading into the corridor. You wanted to ask him about the issues between him and Dean but knew mid case was not the time. When you got to the first unit he nodded towards the key slot “You got this or want me to do it?” you rolled your eyes at him then pulled his kit out his jacket pocket “Sit back and watch a pro Sammy” within a few seconds you were pulling the door up.

You ducked down and gasped when you saw a very alive Ms Tran. “Ms Tran!” Sam whispered because she was already cowering down in a protective stance. “Hey hey hey! It’s us! It’s Y/N and Sam” you spoke softly both of you squatting down next to her. When she met your eyes you felt an overwhelming guilt at not only the fact that you would have to tell her Kevin was dead but god if you and Dean would’ve believed Kevin maybe you could’ve reunited them before he died.

You were studying her wrist and ankle restraints to see how to pick the lock when the door suddenly shut back. “Son of a bitch” you muttered and Sam ran over to it. “Sam? Please tell me it just fell?” you asked but he shook his head after trying it “No. We’re stuck” you leaned back on your heels then spotted the camera “They saw us the moment we walked in” Sam followed your line of sight and cursed “And Dean’s alone”

------

You were not panicking. Nope not in the least. Or that’s what you were telling yourself while you and Sam worked to get Ms Tran free. You checked her wrists and ankles for any open wounds before she told Sam “There’s an electrical wire, leads to the control panel” you followed him across the room to the panel and held the flashlight for him. He popped open the panel then glanced back at you “This may take a while” Ms Tran took the multi-tool out of his hand and waved him back.  

“We have to unplug the ground wire first. If this is standard U.S. color coding, it should be the green one” “Ok” you nodded watching her as she started working and explained “Helping Kevin with his engineering-club assignments, I picked up a thing or two. I’m sure he insisted but I trust neither of you were foolish enough to bring Kevin along on this mission. That you left him in a safe place?” Sam glanced at you before answering “Of course”

She nodded “Good. Now all we have to do is get this door open,get the hell out of here and you will bring me to my son” You cut your eyes at Sam and nodded. He was feeling the same guilt you were. He covered Ms Tran’s hand with his “Listen. Ms Tran..” she looked up at him then looked at you and fuck you felt your heart break for her when she realized. She only let that tough exterior slip for a moment then you saw when she steadied herself and repeated “You will take me to my son” “Yes ma’am” you replied so she nodded and went back to work.

------

The moment she got the door open you nodded to Sam “Go! Get to Dean. I’ve got her” he nodded then ran off so you nodded to Ms Tran. You and her walked to the other side of the facility. You were waiting for an all clear text from Sam and when it came you breathed a sigh of relief. “Ok. You’re up”

You walked into the unit they were in and Del the demon scoffed at Dean “Your little whore of a hunter?” you glared at him then smiled “Nope. Someone so much more scarier than I am” then Ms Tran walked in behind you and Sam handed her the demon blade. “Do the honors Ms Tran” Dean told her so she took the blade and said “With pleasure” then plunged the blade into Del’s heart. After he fell dead she handed the blade back to Dean then said “Take me to my son” and walked back out of the unit.

You noticed not only the blood near Dean's eye but on his neck as well. You reached out to cup the side of his face “Are you ok?” he nodded then turned to kiss your palm lightly “I’m fine sweetheart. Takes a lot more to hurt me”

------

The ride back to the bunker you sat in the backseat with Ms Tran. You weren’t sure what to say to her so you remained silent unless she spoke to you. You’d gotten her fresh clothes, some decent food and had stopped long enough for her to get a little sleep. 

When Dean pulled up to the bunker he glanced back at you “Show her in. We’ll round him up” you nodded and watched him and Sam head inside before looking back to Ms Tran. “Ready to see him?” she smiled sadly “Please”

------

You led her down the stairs but stopped in the map room to let her go first when you saw Kevin was visible in the library. You quietly stepped around them to follow Dean and Sam into the kitchen so they’d have a little privacy. 

You looked over your shoulder when you stepped into the room then looked back at the two of them “I can’t imagine” Dean nodded “It’s got to be hard” Sam remained silent but you saw the way he looked at Dean. Maybe he was starting to see Dean’s point too?

------

After some consideration Ms Tran decided to go through Kevin’s things to find his father’s ring which both of them were sure was his tie.

You stood next to Dean while he explained the risks of taking Kevin home. You could feel tears threatening to spill from your own eyes when she said “He’s my son.It’s my job to keep him safe for as long as I can” 

-------

While Kevin said a goodbye to Sam and Dean you stood with Ms Tran on the stairs. “If you need anything or have any questions..my phone is always on. I am so sorry we failed him” She gently touched your hand and when you finally met her eyes she said “He wouldn’t have lived that long without all of you. You were his family too, just promise me who is responsible will die for it” “I promise you” 

You walked over to stand next to Dean and Kevin smiled at you before looking at the boys “Hey, before I go. Will you two promise me something?” you were curious but remained silent as they said “Yeah” “Anything” Kevin’s eyes flickered to you again before he said “Can you two..get over it?” they looked confused so he explained “Dudes just cause you couldn’t see me doesn’t mean I couldn’t see you. The drama, the fighting..it’s stupid” you saw Dean glance towards Sam and swallowed hard as Kevin added “My mom’s taking home a ghost. You two you’re both still here” Sam was the first to speak “Of course. Promise” “Yeah” Dean agreed.

Kevin nodded “Good..and Y/N if you ever need a break from them” You half laughed “I’ll come visit. Bye Kev” “Bye”

You felt Dean’s hand come out to grasp yours as you watched Kevin and Ms Tran go up the stairs then out the door. “Well that was..” Dean started but cut himself off when he realized Sam had already walked out the room. “I’m tired of this” you muttered and moved to follow Sam but Dean stopped you by pulling you back to him “Y/N just don’t” you shook your head and pulled away from  “No. Now I’ve waited and waited for the two of you to figure this out. I haven’t wanted to get in between my best friend and my boyfriend but if the two of you really expect me to continue living here, hunting with you two then you need to get on the same page” 

He knew you well enough to know when you were past the point of arguing with. When your mind was set on something it was best just to let you go. He threw up his hands and said “Go for it then. I’ll be in our room” You stepped back to him and left a quick kiss on his lips before turning to follow Sam down the hall.

------

You stopped for a second before knocking on Sam’s door. When he didn’t answer the first time you tried again using the knock the two of you used to use at Bobby’s as kids. “I’m coming” he called out before opening the door a few seconds later.

“So you weren’t asleep just purposely avoiding Dean yet again” You accused the moment he opened the door. He sighed and leaned his arm over on the doorframe “Did you just come to yell at me” You were already pushing past him into his room as you said “No, I came to talk and this is once you are going to willingly listen to me” He much like Dean didn’t try to argue instead he simply walked into the room and sat down at the small table. Once he was seated he waved a hand as if to say “Go ahead”

You took a breath then said “Why aren’t you mad at me?” “We already talked about that..” he started but you cut him off. “Shut up! I normally don’t talk so damn harsh to you and Dean but fuck John stunted the shit out of your emotional growth. I’m lucky I had Lena and Bobby for most of my life” you stared at him waiting for him to interrupt again so when he didn’t you continued your rant “I was there at the hospital Sam. I got there right after they approached Dean about donating your organs. Do you know how that felt just to me? To hear they had no hope for my best friend? To see you like that? So broken and hurt in that bad? It tore my heart out. Gadreel passed himself off as Ezekiel, an angel mind you Cas knew and therefore vouched for. We had the choice to let him possess you and save your life or to let you die. Dean asked me before he said yes..did he tell you that?”

“No” Sam replied barely above a whisper.

You let out a harsh laugh “That doesn’t surprise me. That man has a habit of taking on the weight of the world just to keep those around him from having to. Sam he asked me. The moment Gadreel offered the deal Dean looked to me and you know what? I nodded. I agreed. I not only agreed to let him possess you but I agreed to lie. I came here to help cover up that lie and I did many times. Whether you or Dean want to see it I am just as responsible as either of you are yet neither of you have shown the least amount of animosity towards me. I’ve told Dean and now I’m telling you. If you and him want me here and hunting with you two I need you and him to try to get on the same page. We both love you Sam even if he can’t always put the words right. We did what we did because neither of us could let you go. If you’re going to continue hating him, hate me too” you turned to walk out but stopped with your hand on the doorknob to add “Kev’s right, both of you are still here..right now. How would either of you feel if something happened on the next hunt and one of you died? Would you want to leave it like this?” 

You opened the door to step into the hall but felt Sam’s hand grab your shoulder “Y/N..Wait” you turned towards him with an expectant look “Yeah?” he sighed “You’re right” you smiled and said “Of course I am. I’m always right” he shook his head with a laugh “You and Dean are a perfect match you know that? I’ll talk to him in the morning...really talk” “All I ask..thank you Sam” you reached up to hug him then kissed his cheek “Goodnight” “Night Y/N”

------

You heard his door shut behind you but you were feeling better than you had in weeks about the current predicament. You had to at least get them talking normally again and working through everything.

You opened the door to yours and Dean’s shared room and smiled at the sight before you. Dean had kicked his boots off but was laying across the bed with his headphones on and his arms crossed over his chest. Since his eyes were closed you shut the door easily then kicked your own boots off before walking over to the bed. You considered just changing for bed and crawling in next to him but instead you climbed onto the bed and straddled his waist. His hands came to your hips even before a lazy smile slipped onto his face. 

When he opened his eyes you reached up to gently pull the headphones off of him and laid them on the side table. “Did you get through bitching at Sammy?” he asked so you shrugged “I really wouldn’t call it bitching but yeah” he nodded then raised an eyebrow “Am I next?” you laughed and rested your hands on his chest “No for the simple fact you had to listen to me about the situation the entire time we were on the road but I do have one request of you” “Which is?” he questioned so you moved one hand down to push up the right sleeve of his shirt. You didn’t miss the slight flinch when your fingertips grazed across the mark but you were betting on it being more so the fact of you touching it than actual pain “Stop trying to carry everything by yourself. Ok?” 

He stared into your eyes for a few moments then slowly nodded “I’ll try” “All I ask” you replied before leaning down to catch his lips in a gentle but lingering kiss. When you pulled away he smirked “Can clothes come off now?” you rolled your eyes then smiled “You’re such a sweet talker Dean”

Tags: @facadeformyrealblog @akshi8278

[awigglycultist]

Okay so I have a headcanon that Spencer and Graham meet Paul, Artie and Liam (Paul's roommate if you don't know/remember) at like comic con or some sort of convention and then become friends so uhh here's some incorrect quotes because why not

Spencer: You're a loose cannon, Paul

Paul: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Liam: I think you play by your own rules

Artemis: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken

Spencer: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon

Paul: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Graham is a loose cannon

Graham: *smashes a chair*

---

Graham: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why

Liam: Only if you also don't ask why

Liam: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick

Graham:

Liam:

Graham: This one is fine

---

Artemis, banging on the door: Graham! Open up!

Graham: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Paul: No, she meant-

Spencer: Let him finish

--

Liam: There are seven chairs and ten people. What do you do?

Spencer: Have everyone stand

Artemis: Bring three more chairs!

Paul: The most important ones can sit down

Graham: Kill three

---

Artemis: Is having a penis fun?

Paul: It has its ups and downs

Graham: Sometimes it’s a little hard

Liam: It’s a pain in the ass

Spencer: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.

---

Paul: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Graham: I'm a knife

Spencer, from across the room: They're the little spoon

---

Paul: Hey, you want some leftovers?

Graham: What's that?

Paul: You've never had leftovers???

Graham: No, because I'm not a quitter.

---

Liam: Care for another sundae, weenie?

Spencer: I am not a weenie!

Paul: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises his drink*

Spencer: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.

Graham: You tell ‘em, Spencer! *sips his drink*

Spencer: Graham, what’re you doing here?

Graham: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays

---

Spencer: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Paul will and will not eat.

Graham: Grass? Yes!

Spencer: Moss? Yes!!

Graham: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Spencer: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Graham: Worms? Sometimes!

Spencer: Rocks? Usually nah.

Graham: Twigs? Usually!

Spencer: Liam's cooking? Inconclusive!

Artemis: How did you… test this?

Spencer: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it

Artemis: ... I don’t know how to feel about this

Liam: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Paul to Artie later: look being a half werewolf does things to you

---

Graham: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Artemis: You’re a hazard to society

Liam: And a coward. DO TWENTY!

---

Spencer, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Graham, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Paul, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Artemis, trembling: What are we playing

---

Artemis: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Paul: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours

Spencer: I got distracted about halfway through

Graham: Ignoring you was a conscious decision

---

Spencer: It’s dark in here

Paul: Don’t worry dude I got this

Paul: *Stomps his feet*

Paul: *Skechers light up*

---

Paul: Graham isn’t answering his phone

Spencer: I’ll call

Artemis: Paul and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Graham: Hello?

---

Graham: Hey, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Spencer: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Graham: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Artie

---

Paul to Artemis: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Paul and Artemis, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Graham: Our turn, Spencer! One, two, three- vanilla!

Spencer, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

---

Liam: Why are Spencer and Graham sitting with their backs to each other?

Artemis: They had a fight

Liam: Then why are they holding hands?

Artemis: They get sad when they fight

---

Spencer: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Paul: Plane tickets?

Liam: Concert tickets?

Graham: Prostitution?

Spencer, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

---

Graham: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Spencer: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Graham: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PAUL WITH ME

Artemis, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

---

Graham: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Artemis, not looking up from her book: Spear.

Graham: BLOCKED

---

Spencer: You have to apologize to Artemis

Graham: Fine.

Graham: 'Unfuck you' or whatever

---

Spencer: There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Paul:

Artemis:

Liam:

Everyone Else At Spencer's Surprise Birthday Party:

Graham: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first

---

[The group, playing DND, are in a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]

Paul: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake

Spencer: You're in a prison cell

Artemis: You did great. Well, I got a 10-

Spencer: You're in a prison cell with bars on it

Graham: I got a 1!

Spencer: You're in... a cube-shaped place.

---

Artemis: Welcome, idiots

Spencer: Hello, Artemis

Artemis: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Spencer: You underestimate me

---

Paul: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Spencer: If?

Graham: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die!

---

Store Worker: Would a Ms Schue-Horyn please come to the front desk?

Artemis, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker, pointing to Paul and Liam: I believe they belong to you?

Paul and Liam, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Artemis: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

---

Paul: Liam... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Liam: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned

Paul:

Paul: I wrote sanitize, Liam

---

Graham, after Artemis and Paul were complaining about APN: I'm gonna burn this place to the ground

Artemis: I'll show you where my desk is. You can start there

---

Graham: What's the expression? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice... fiddle-dee-dee.

Liam: Fool me once, and I'll be fooled for a day. Teach me how to fool people and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

Paul: Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice.

---

Graham: Back in uni I once self medicated with a mix of NyQuil and DayQuil called QuilTM in the hopes it would manage my undiagnosed ADHD

Paul: And did that actually work?

Graham: Spencer tells me I wasn't much different than usual but, between you and me, I don't remember my entire sophomore year

---

Graham: I'll whoop their ass.

Spencer: Wait, don't! That's Artemis!

Graham: Wait, is it?

Graham: I mean, I'm still gonna do it, but is it?

---

Liam: Wow, Graham. I like seeing you get all feisty

Graham: That's the Graham way

Spencer: I thought the Graham way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly?

Graham: That's the Graham breakfast way

[mst3kproject]

The Flame Barrier

I’ve got an awful lot of movies from 1958 on my resume, don’t I?  Why is that? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Apparently it was just a bumper year for cheap, crappy black-and-white films.  This one stars Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set and Rodd Redwing from The Mole People, in a movie written by George Worthing Yates, who also penned Earth vs the Spider.  Also featuring a blob from outer space, with motives even less clear than the one in The Space Children.

Over yet another stock-footage rocket launch, one of those deep-voiced 50’s narrators informs us that there’s a layer of Earth’s atmosphere called the Flame Barrier which destroys everything it touches. This particular rocket was no exception, and its crash-landing in the Mexican jungle may be related to the disappearance of explorer Howard Dalman, whose wife Carol has now come looking for him. She seeks out a pair of prospectors, Dave and Matt Hollister, to guide her to his last known location.  As they go deeper into the bush, they find they’re wandering into something unknown… something that can make men burst into flames!

This movie isn’t terrible.  It’s not great, but it’s not irredeemably awful.  It reminds me a lot of The Giant Gila Monster, in that there’s a story going on and it’s not a bad story per se, but it’s one that’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the title and premise that drew us to the film in the first place.  When the supposed main plot pops up again at the end, it makes for a sudden and jarring shift.

The Flame Barrier starts off all right.  We have the inevitable narrator to give us the backstory, and then it gets right on with meeting the characters.  They’re introduced one by one, telling us their personalities and goals: Carol is naïve and spoiled but she’s trying her best, Matt is a drunk fool but he’s got a good heart, and Dave is a gruff, cynical realist who loves his brother but is tired of his bullshit.  None of them are exactly nice people but you can see where they’re coming from, and they each get an arc.  Carol struggles with whether she really loved Howard, whom she barely knew, and the movie allows her to toughen up and learn how to survive in the wilderness. Dave spends much of the movie being a jerk to Carol but eventually realizes he judged her too harshly and apologizes.  Matt gets a chance to be a hero and takes it, believing that he owes it to Dave for never giving up on him.  The writing is frequently unsubtle but the actors are competent, and these little stories work just fine.

The movie that surrounds them, however, is often very sloppy.  The narrator tells us that the space probe from the opening crashed because ‘it unexpectedly lost its gravitational force’.  What?  What is that supposed to even mean?  The narrator also tells us it’s been six months since Howard disappeared, then mere minutes later Carol says it’s been four. There’s a bit where Carol is menaced by an iguana… the creature is never actually in the shot with her, so they couldn’t find anything scarier?  The stock wildlife footage on their trek through the soundstage sets of Central America includes hyenas.  I can hear Crow saying, “boy, are we in Afri… wait a minute…”  And, pet peeve, they describe a snake as poisonous instead of venomous.

This being a jungle movie, obviously there are ‘natives’.  I think most of these are actual Mexicans, although Wikipedia says Rodd Redwing may have been from India (if so, I like to think his entire career in Westerns was based on just walking into casting directors’ offices and announcing he was ‘an Indian’, and letting them draw their own conclusions).  Being as this is a movie from the fifties, the natives are there largely to provide a body count – white people aren’t allowed to die until the climax.  To its credit, The Flame Barrier mostly (though not entirely) avoids the trope where the natives have interpreted the mysterious happenings as supernatural, leading the white characters to scoff at the whole thing.  There is some of this, but Dave clearly knows these people well and respects their culture and their warnings.

Then there’s the love story.  Obviously this is a movie, so Carol’s gotta fall for one or other of these idiots, but neither of the Hollister brothers is a good choice. Matt is sweet to her but he’s also a useless drunk who only has a job because his brother puts up with him.  Dave spends eighty percent of the movie being an asshole and I have no idea what Carol sees in him.  At least the two men never fight over her.  I guess the love affair is important to the plot, because it spurs the party on to finish their search for the missing Howard Dalman despite the odds being stacked against them… but that basically boils down to Carol and Dave needing to be sure she’s a widow before they can bone.

After all this messing around in the jungle, with the run time half over we get to the plot, and the movie changes gears with an almost audible ka-chunk.  Now we’ve got this space blob sitting in a cave (how did it get in there when it’s still attached to the rocket?) doubling in size every two hours, which must be destroyed before it can consume the entire earth!  Suddenly we have a laboratory, because all the scientific equipment Howard brought with him is still in perfect condition despite having been sitting in the jungle for either four or six months.  Suddenly Dave the rugged survivalist is a scientist and mathematician.  It’s like they took the same actors and sets and started trying to make a totally different movie.

Honestly, I think this is more or less what happened. I think the multiplying space blob was the movie somebody originally wanted to make – it starts out as a tiny thing in a test tube, growing bigger and bigger until it consumes the whole building and will destroy the entire city if it isn’t stopped!  That sounds like a pretty fun 50’s sci-fi movie in itself. It also, however, sounds like an expensive 50’s sci-fi movie, needing miniatures destroyed and screaming extras and other stuff The Flame Barrier just didn’t have the money for. Hence the need to spend so much time wandering around in the jungle swapping tragic backstories before the characters are allowed to get to that point.

The unfortunate thing about this is that the movie doesn’t really have time to get into the nature of its alien.  In Spacemaster X-7, the Blood Rust was offscreen much of the time but we still had a good idea of what it was and of its capabilities, and the explanations we were given made a reasonable amount of sense.  In The Flame Barrier, we’ve got this blob that apparently lives in the rarified and super-hot outer atmosphere (the writers seem to have confused Earth’s atmosphere with the Sun’s corona), but can also survive on the ground… and its effects are all over the place. Sometimes when things get too close to it, they’re just electrocuted and disintegrated, as happens to the rocket’s original passenger, a very young chimpanzee.  Sometimes people get horribly burned and then burst into flames and are reduced to skeletons hours or days later, as keeps happening to the natives. And then there’s Howard, who somehow managed to get close enough to be swallowed up by the thing and his corpse is still completely intact inside it.

None of this makes any sense.  If the blob has that protective electrocution barrier that the humans must be so careful to avoid, how did Howard get close enough to be trapped in it?  How did the chimp get out to end up wandering around in the jungle?  What the heck is happening to the natives who get burned and then skeletonized and why doesn’t that ever happen to the chimp or any of the main characters?  And how do they manage to kill by electrocution a creature that uses lethal amounts of electricity without any harm to itself?  ‘It’s an alien – we don’t understand it’ can cover a multitude of sins in movie writing, but the blob’s random effects don’t even feel like they could potentially make sense.

The Flame Barrier reminds me of other MST3K movies, too. Prominent among them are It Conquered the World and The Crawling Hand, both of which ended on the same unintentionally depressing note: they suggest that the dangers of going into space are so great that humans will never be able to overcome them.  It Conquered the World tells us that there are eight more Venusians just waiting for their own turn to invade.  The Crawling Hand says that exposure to outer space causes mutations that will turn astronauts into mindless murderers.  The Flame Barrier posits that not only is space itself deadly, but is also full of deadly creatures, and the only way to avoid them is to stay on the ground.

This has always interested me because movies like this stand alongside things like the tales of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger!, in which humans have an exciting future among the stars. Stories set in space can be about either the exhilaration of discovery or the terror of the unknown, and this dichotomy seems to be as old as science fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is considered the first work of proper sci-fi, and it encompasses both.  Frankenstein tells us that if we let our fear over-rule our curiosity, we’ll miss out on something potentially wonderful.  Movies like The Flame Barrier, and even modern space monster flicks like Alien, seem to say the opposite, that we shouldn’t meddle with the unknown at all.

This movie was kind of a compromise on my part.  I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and I picked The Flame Barrier as a movie that was kinda stupid but wouldn’t be either a test of my endurance or particularly challenging to write about.  I’m hoping to have something a little juicier for you next time.

[farfromparker]

Erotas - Chapter Four | t.h.

Erotas Masterlist

Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader

Summary: It’s the day of the rehearsal dinner and Tom finally meets your whole family

Word Count: 3.9k

A/N: Originally, chapters 4 and 5 were going to be one long ass chapter, but I split them. 😈

Special thanks to @worldoftom  💞💞

Tom wakes up slowly, peacefully. The soft roar of the ocean pulling him from his slumber. Gulls call out sporadically and his eyelids flutter open. The morning sun basks the room in a warm glow. The bed is empty and he sits up, ignoring the relief he feels when he sees you sitting out on the terrace, fingers curled around a cuppa. He watches you watch the sea for a moment, you look calm, the soft curve of your lips as you smile softly is his first sign. Your eyes slide shut and you tilt your head up to enjoy the sun on your skin. 

He wants you to have this moment so he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move from the bed, not wanting to interrupt. He glances behind himself to the clock on the nightstand, it’s almost 9am, meaning it’s not even 7am London time. 

He wonders how long you’ve been up. 

You set your cup on a side table, starting to get up and he gets tangled in the sheets as he tries to get out of the bed quickly. He can’t get caught staring at you, not after last night. The embarrassment stings just as much as it did when it happened. It wasn’t even anything sexual, it was a game for fuck’s sake. You joked if off, and he did his best to not let it become a Thing™️ but he can’t help but fret over what you thought when it happened… what you think of him now because of it. 

“Morning, Tom,” you chime, smiling as you step into the room. 

He clears his throat, strangling the embarrassment sitting in his chest. “Morning, darling. How long have you been up?”

You hum. “I think I got up just before eight.”

He wants to ask if you’ve been up since before 6am London time because your family is flying in today, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t need to. 

He nods instead. “What do you want to do today then? We’ve got the whole day to ourselves, right?”

Your eyes light up as come to set on the corner of the bed, he follows suit. “Yeah! I was looking up some things earlier. We can go scuba diving! There were a few other things, but they’d take up too much of our day considering dinner tonight. Or, the hotel has an infinity pool with a swim up bar if we just want to drink. There’s a cute shopping district too just a couple minutes walk from here.” 

“What would take up too much time? We’ve got all day tomorrow too, right?

Realization dawns across your face, “Oh yeah! Um, horseback riding or parasailing need a good chunk of our time, they’re both a little ways away from the city. The parasailing place is actually on the other side of the island.”

He nods. “Okay, so we could do one tomorrow and the other on Saturday? What’s your plan for that day?”

“Well, hopefully be properly hungover.” 

His eyes crinkle. “Right, yes, you’re right. So I won’t lie, I don’t think I want to parasail or ride horse if I’m hungover.”

You shake your head in agreement. “No, definitely not. I think Saturday we can just say goodbye to my family? Walk to the beach and swim, lay around…”

“Yeah, that sounds good to me. So which one do you want to do tomorrow?”

“I was thinking, if we go scuba diving today, we can go horseback riding tomorrow?”

“I’m game for all that!” And as he watches you smile, looking genuinely happy and excited, he starts thinking of ways he can keep that look on your face for the rest of your life. 

Your American Champagne Breakfast arrives after a quick call down to the front desk and both your mouths start watering as the attendant brings in the cart. Food is piled high, waffles with three types of syrup, bacon, sausage, an assortment of colorful fruit along with a fresh blend of juices from apricots, peaches and nectarines. There’s another bottle of champagne as well, but you both agree to keep that for later, best not to drink and dive. 

You leave the room just before 10:30 and head down to the beach, tummies full, swimwear on underneath a small layer of clothing to keep your modesty. You had called ahead to make the reservation and they had a slot available for their 11am shore dive. 

There’s a trail from your hotel that leads down to the sand beach below. Tom watches you take your shoes off as soon as you get off the gravel path, digging your toes in the sand. He copies you, tossing his shoes in the backpack he’s got slung over shoulder, putting yours in there as well. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve gone diving,” you share, turning to him as you amble along in the sand. 

“Me too, my brothers and I went when we were in Italy two years ago for a family vacation, but I haven’t gone since.” 

He watches you squint your eyes, thinking. “It’s about the same about time for me too. We were in Spain for —” You gesture vaguely with your hands. “Something like this.” You shrug. Tom can’t decide if you don’t actually remember, or if you’d just rather not talk about it. Regardless, he doesn’t push.

“I’ve got a feeling this dive is gonna be a good one,” he continues. Glancing up ahead, he can see the shack on the beach, with a diving sign hanging above the door that’s a bright red and white, so there’s no way to miss it. 

“The company is definitely better…” you pause, eyes a little wide as though you didn’t mean to say that outloud. But you don’t backtrack. “At least for me.” 

He touches your hand with his and says quietly. “Yeah, me too.” 

An older gentleman greets you outside. You’re a good 15 meters from the entrance when he appears, but he’s smiling and waving at you nonetheless. He’s got short white hair and a very bushy white mustache to match. 

“Geiá sou, Kaliméra! Good morning!” he declares. 

“Good morning,” you call back in unison. 

He shakes your hands when you get to him, smile wide across his face, “You are my only divers this morning! But it is a beautiful day for a beautiful couple to enjoy the beauty of the Aegaen!” 

Tom wonders how many times he’s said that line to however many different people, but that doesn’t stop himself from smiling because of it. The man, who introduces himself as Tavi, ushers you inside to get you checked in. He’s got all the equipment you need, regulators, fins, masks, BCDs, the list goes on. 

His eyes light up when you both say this isn’t your first dive. “Experienced! Polý kalá!” 

There are lockers along one wall with combination locks. Tavi advises you to strip down to your swimsuits and he opens a locker for you, letting you shove your belongings in your bag and secure it inside. He helps you into your equipment, checking gauges and getting your air tanks hooked up properly. 

“I have an underwater camera as well. I can take pictures of you two while we’re down there.” 

Tom smiles. “Great, thanks mate!”

“You two should remember this! Now, it will be an odd walk to the water,” he chuckles, belly jiggling softly as he laughs. “Do not put your fins on until we get down there. You might fall and not be able to get back up.” 

As Tom stands, BCD strapped across his chest, tank fully hooked up, he’s reminded of how heavy and awkward this equipment is out of the water. He’s sure he’d be able to get back up if he fell, but he’d rather not test that theory. 

You mumble as you stand, hunched over. “Fuck me, I forgot how heavy this stuff is.” 

Tavi laughs, grabbing fins for himself, watching as you two do the same. You get down to the water's edge with minimal struggling. The water is warm, Tom had been slightly apprehensive when Tavi shook his head at the idea of wetsuits, but he was right, this feels like bath water. 

You float out a little, just enough that you can get your fins on. Tavi does one last check of your gauges, has you breathe through your regulators. When he’s satisfied, he goes over the hand gestures so you can communicate safely underwater. 

Regulators secured, masks snug against your face, you slowly descend. 

*

An hour and a half later, you break the water’s surface. Tom peels his mask off, imagining a red pressure ring around his eyes, matching yours. You lock eyes with him and smirk. 

“Tavi?” you ask, looking over to the older men. 

He raises his eyebrows, indicating for you to continue. You swim over to Tom, reaching for him to wrap your arm around his waist as best you can and hold him close. Tom instinctively does the same to you. 

“Take a picture, we have to remember our matching raccoon marks.” 

Tom smiles wide, eyes crinkling as Tavi laughs, reaching for the camera secured around his wrist. He snaps the picture, smiling as you all start your climb back up to his diving shack. 

“I can’t believe you thought that barracuda was a shark!” you say, laughing. 

Tom pouts slightly, pulling the backpack up further on his shoulder as the two of you walk back to your room. “Did you see the teeth on that thing? I didn’t want anything to do with it!” 

You laugh harder, mimicking the movement he’d made under water, something akin to his signature fight reaction when he’s scared. “What?” You giggle some more. “Were you gonna knock it out?”

“That’s what you do! If a shark is coming after you, you punch it!” 

“But it wasn’t a shark! And it wasn’t even coming after you. I hate to break it to you, Tom, but you’re a little bigger than the fish they normally eat.” 

“They’ve bitten people, okay? I was just prepared. You wouldn’t be laughing if it tried to bite me and I punched it. You’d be telling me how smart I was!”

“No, I’d be laughing at the fact that you punched a fish.”

You get back to the room and order a light lunch. It’s already almost 2pm, but you’ll both be weak by dinner if you don’t eat something now. Tom starts to worry about what to wear; your whole family will be there tonight and he wants to look the part. Another piece of him deeply wants their approval as well. 

He lies to you when you ask how many outfits he brought with for this, saying it was only three when in fact, every nice shirt he owns is in this suitcase. He sees you pull a black and white dress out of your bag, hanging it up near the door and looks back into his suitcase. 

You step up behind him, chin on his shoulder. “I like the red one.” 

He turns to look at you, smiling.  “Red it is.” 

You let him shower first and he’s in and out in under five minutes. It’s just past 4pm now and he hears your music start playing through the speaker on your phone as you shut the bathroom door. He hums along while he gets dressed, buttoning up the floral red shirt. He wants your opinion on his pants, though. He’s got some really nice dark denim jeans, but there’s also a white pair of pants. So he heads out onto the terrace in his boxer briefs, shirt not buttoned all the way, leaning against the balcony and watching the water. 

You step up beside him, “Pantless? My family won’t ever forget you.” 

He laughs and he can feel his cheeks heating up a little bit. “I uh — I wanted your opinion on which pants I should wear.”

And you follow him back into the room, watching as he digs out the two options. He turns to you, one in each hand, and his breath catches in his throat for a moment. He didn’t look at you out on the terrace, but here, now. You’ve got your dress on, the top is fitted, extenuating your chest but draping elegantly around your hips. Your hair is still wet and you’ve got no makeup on. Eyes bright and open and happy.

Absolutely stunning.

“White, definitely,” you confirm and for a moment he forgets what you’re talking about. 

He swallows. “Right, white. Sure, thanks.” 

He gets ready quickly, pulling on his pants before fussing with his hair in the mirror over the dresser. You’re back in the bathroom, also fussing with your hair, doing your makeup. You step out about fifteen minutes later. 

“Tom? Will you help me with this clasp for my necklace?”

He nods. “Course, yeah,” and he takes it from you as you turn your back to him. He reaches his arms up and around your neck to let the necklace lay delicately along your sternum. His fingers brush along your skin and he can see the tiny hairs on the back of your neck standing on end. He fights a smile, liking to see even the smallest reaction of your body to him. 

“Thanks,” you say as his hands fall away, turning back to smile at him. You take a deep breath. “I think we’re ready.”

He nods confidently. “We are, and you look stunning. I mean — I thought you did before, too, when you didn’t have makeup on. Like, you don’t need makeup — uh, not that it's wrong to want to wear it but —”

You laugh, reaching out to grab his forearms to keep them from continuing to flail around his face. “Tom, I get it. Thank you, really. Now, let’s get down there and head straight to the bar.”

The sun is low in the sky as you walk down to the beach and Tom can’t stop himself from stealing glances at you. 

There’s a huge tent set up, sparkling fairy lights hanging beautifully from the ceiling, a portable floor is laid down, tables and chairs placed strategically around a dance floor. There’s a table towards the back where a number of chefs are lining up food for the night. 

“Wow,” Tom mumbles. 

“Ava’s dad is a doctor.” 

Tom hums in understanding, following you into the tent. There are two bar carts in opposite corners of each other. There’s a short man grabbing a glass of whiskey and Tom watches as he sees you, eyes lighting up. He grabs his drink and hurries over to you. 

“Heya, stranger!” he says happily, pulling you into a hug. 

“Vinny! It’s so good to see you again!” And Tom breathes out a sigh of relief. 

Vinny releases you and turns to him. “And you must be Tom, nice to meet ya mate!” 

“Hey Vinny, yeah, nice to meet you too!” And he shakes his hand and then the introductions start. It seems like that simple handshake was enough to alert the whole tent that the two of you had arrived and suddenly they start swarming around you. 

Tom will be honest, he definitely thought you were making your family out to be worse than they actually are. At least he did until he met them. 

First, your Nana Ruth slides in the comment Oh, I thought he’d be taller. And Tom hasn’t been insecure about his height since he was 17, but the comment still causes him to raise his eyebrows in surprise. 

You aren’t perturbed, though. “He’s taller than me, Nana, that’s all I care about.” 

Then he meets your aunt Brigitte. She kisses both your cheeks and he can see the tightness in your face when you try and smile at her. She kisses his cheeks as well and Tom’s skin crawls when she gets a little handsy. 

“Oh he’s very pretty, dear. How did he wind up with you?” she says, laughing. 

Tom wants to slap the lipstick right off of this woman’s face. 

“Lucky, I guess,” you comment, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bar. 

“I’m gonna smack that woman into next Tuesday if she says something like that about you again.” He growls into your ear, hands curling into fists at his side. 

You look at him and it’s a look that catches him off guard. He’d expected you to be mad, annoyed, or upset in some way. But you’re looking at him with so much affection he feels a little light-headed. His hands automatically relax as your fingers slide down his forearm so you can link your fingers with his. 

“I would pay good money to see you hit her.”

Louis corners Tom as you’re all about to have dinner, asking what he thinks of the Prime Minister and Tom side steps into how well Liverpool is playing. You smile at him and let Louis go into it for a moment before interrupting him about the dinner starting soon. Louis promises to find Tom later so he can tell him about how Bayern has definitely been playing dirty all season. 

Ava and Alex hug you both and Tom relaxes around the two of them. He knows them, he likes them. They sit and Ava is adamant that you sit next to her and you gladly do, Tom taking the obvious spot next to you. A moment later, he recognizes your parents at the opposite end of the table. Your dad raises his drink at Tom and Tom returns the gesture. 

One thing you left out when talking about your family was how big it was. There’s a sea of unknown faces around him, asking questions and leaning over the table to get a look at him. He feels like a stud being inspected at auction. 

Your hand falls softly onto his lap and he breathes easier as he wraps his fingers around yours. Dinner is served, but Tom has trouble finding time to eat because the questions don’t stop. 

How did you two meet?

What do you do for a living?

Where did you grow up?

How long have you two been together?

And Tom doesn’t mind answering them all because he likes talking about your relation—  friendship. Your friendship. 

Brigitte opens her mouth again and Tom tenses before any words even leave her lips. 

“I am surprised that the two of you are an item. She’s just kind of plain. Never really seemed all that into the boys either.”

Her twit of a husband agrees. “Yeah, we always thought she was one of those asexuals.” And he says it like he’s talking about a unicorn. Like it’s something that doesn’t actually exist. 

And Tom can’t believe what he’s hearing. The fact that people this idiotic are still spewing ignorant, condescending hate makes him want to yell. But he’s smart enough to know you can’t argue with stupid. 

Then he remembers a comment you made the night before, you’re gonna have to make a dirty joke to shut them up.

He turns to you, eyes locking with yours, because he doesn’t need to say this to them. He needs to say this to you. Because you’re the only person that needs to hear this. 

“I guess she was just waiting for something that was worth it?” he starts. “Whatever it is, she’s amazing, the most genuine person I’ve ever met. She makes me so damn happy. And I might have helped trigger something in her, something that let her bring her guard down and let me inside.”

He’s looking at you as he speaks, and it feels so real. He can see the emotions swimming in your eyes, his hand in yours. He can feel the eyes of your family on the two of you but he can’t stop looking at you, and you’re staring back, smiling at him.

His voice gets louder now though because this is the part they need to hear. “And she did let me inside, she does let me inside…” His eyebrows raise for a moment, to help accentuate the dirty joke. “Pretty frequently actually.”

And you smile wider, laughing as you hear the uncomfortable noises from Brigitte and Joe, the gasp from Nana, the murmur around the table of what did he just say? You lean in, and so he does as well, pressing his lips to yours, but it’s hard to keep the kiss going because neither of you can stop smiling. 

“Fuck, I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel room.” And he’s not sure he heard you correctly. The question has to be written across his face, but he can’t ask it, not now. So he keeps smiling, keeps squeezing your hand. 

The comments cease after that. And he can feel your relief, like you’re a thousand pounds lighter. Apparently a dirty joke is all it takes. 

Dinner ends and you’re coerced into staying for one more drink. He enjoys himself nonetheless. Mostly because you’re on his arm throughout the night, your demeanor light and happy. 

You excuse yourself to the bathroom after the first drink and Tom finds Vinny and your father, two people he actually enjoys talking to. The conversation revolves around the wedding and your dive that morning. He leaves out the fact he almost punched a barracuda, of course. He’d gotten enough grief from you alone. 

He’s got a new drink in his hand when you find him again later and he smiles a little sheepishly. Licking his lips, he says, “Your dad brought me another drink. I didn’t know if you wanted to stay longer, so we can split this or I can just give it to Vinny and we can go.” 

You’re smiling up at him like he just over offered you the crown jewels. He’s not entirely sure what it is that he’s done to keep you smiling at him like that, but he’s certain he isn’t going to stop. You lean in to kiss his cheek, but he feels you hesitate, pulling away slowly.

He turns to you, watching you tilt your head, bringing your hand up to cup his jaw softly and trail your thumb along across his cheek. 

“What is it?” he asks. 

“Oh. Nothing, just smeared my lipstick on your cheek,” you explain, wiping it away. “Let’s go back to the room.”

He agrees easily, passing the beer off to Vinny on his way out the door. You go through the motions of saying good night to everyone, hugs and kisses and jokes. And then you pull him along quickly to get back to the room. He’s laughing lightly as he lets you drag him along. 

“What’s the rush?” he asks when you reach your room. You unlock the door and step inside, tossing your purse onto one of the chaise lounges.

“Did you mean that, what you said at dinner? I mean, would you still have said that if we weren’t here faking a relationship?”

He blinks, caught off guard, he presses his lips together as he locks the door behind him. He turns back to you. “Yeah,” he pauses, rubbing his lips together, “Yeah, I meant it.”

You nod. “Yeah, I thought you did.” Then you reach for him, taking his hand and pulling him into the room. “I think it’s time I thank you, Tom.” 

_____________________________________________

Taglist: 

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[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 73

~*~Sebastian~*~

The group of us walked the edge of the room to the stairs. Bar tables were in a line and following the other's lead I helped push them against the wall, leaving an open area for us to stand. Emma led me to stand up front with Angie right as the house lights went out. Kirk came running and I moved behind Emma to give him room. Put me in a better position to feel up Emma anyway.

A bank of speakers over the stage was on the level and aimed right at us. My ears would be ringing all night. Nothing would beat the acoustic living room show from a few weeks ago. Still, the music and energy were fun. I was sucked in, like everyone else. Unlike with volleyball, Emma didn't ignore me. While I was behind her I ran an occasional hand over her hip. Each time Emma would do something: reach behind to lay a hand on my leg, turn her head to kiss me, or lean back into me. Several songs in the music slowed. I invaded Emma's personal space, moving up on her, and wrapping an arm around her my hand was seated on her ribcage, my thumb stroking the underside of her breast. My other hand held onto her hip, keeping her close where the pressure from her relieved a little of the ache in my jeans. She cupped the back of my head and turned to nuzzle against my neck. We stayed close and moved to the beat. The feel and smell of her did things to me.

When the tempo picked up again Emma turned to the side and pulled me between her and Angie. I stayed a half step back so they could talk and react together, but I was included. There were songs they had choreography too. Not the band, Emma, Angie, and Kirk. I played along as best I could, more than once we fell together laughing. The shot of tequila layered with the edible had me happily baked. Not enough tequila to be drunk or knock down the high. This was a good buzz I wanted to maintain. I drank half of Emma’s tequila, afraid her lower body mass would make it too much and she'd get sleepy. I'm sure she has experience with what she can mix, but I'm confident my knowledge is better.

By the end, I felt like I was herding cats. Emma, Angie and Kirk being the cats. Nobody was functioning optimally, but at least I didn’t have the same level of emotional attachment to the stage. My attachment was next to me and I kept the three in front of me. We screamed the loudest when Eli’s part was over.

I leaned close to Emma’s ear to ask what happened next. She led me to the edge closest to stage and pointed. “Everyone will pack up their shit fast as they can and stow it in the corner, then head to the dressing room to cool down, wipe the sweat away, and likely have another joint while Keaton sets up. When the lights go down Eli and all will join us up here. Angie and Kirk will go backstage to meet their husbands."

I raised my eyebrows, "Are we?"

"We can or we can stay up here where it's relatively empty."

I looked around at all the people, "Lots up here."

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head no, "Not on our side. I’d rather stay here. Unless you need a hit."

I shook my head, “I'm good.” I lowered my head and got close "You ok. I don't know how long it’s been or your tolerance. You level?"

Her head bobbed, "I gotta tell you, these nights with just friends and the music. This is when I want cocaine. The boost it gives."

"I bet Keaton has some in his little bag." I snickered. I was sure he did.

"I don't think so. I don't want the crash tomorrow. I'd rather see what we get into." She met my eyes, "You being horny and all.”

She really had no idea what was going on with me right now. Very very bad thoughts that covered everything and I mean everything. I have no idea where I’m going to land. Aggressive, romantic, pleading. Any combination and anywhere in between.  "Coke makes me loud and overly friendly. Worst of all it makes me sweat. Look at pics and you can tell when I’m doing coke. So I don't. Rarely. Special occasions."

True to what Emma had said, Kirk and Angie took off as soon as the crowd noise died down a little. They would have had to fight through the sea of people if they left before the music ended. Everyone with Keaton’s group left too.  I looked around us and found, um, no one. Talk about feeling exposed. We were in a roped off side of a U. Alone, but the other three sides were crowded. Being high doesn’t generally make me paranoid, but the two of us standing in an open pasture was making my Spidey senses tingle. I pushed her back closer to the wall, using my body to block her. If anyone was paying attention to us all they’d see was my back. I was banking on being far enough in the shadows. I was pretty sure this good idea wouldn’t seem so good tomorrow when I was sober, but right now it was brilliant.

Emma sat her hands on my hips. I could barely feel them. I like that. I like the way her touch can be this barely there pressure. My body seems to register it differently. The light touch makes more nerves fire. There’s more of a psychological part. It’s intimate. Her hands on me are the only part of us touching. I can’t touch her. I want to, but I can’t. I’m not in control.

While everyone who saw her in this dress knew her every curve, my knowledge was more detailed. I risked giving myself a taste and bent to kiss her bare shoulder. “What’s Keaton’s band like?”

Her thumb moved on my side. “They’re more eclectic. They’ve been together a long time and their sound has evolved. They opened for some big names on big tours and made the jump to headliner. Things fell apart while they were doing their next CD. The concessions the record company wanted were too much. Keaton wouldn’t give up the control. They decided they’d rather stay doing their music their way. They tour a lot and have a very devoted fan base. There’s a mix of rock and indie stuff. Keaton’s lyrics are amazing and he is crazy passionate. He writes him. It’s all personal. And a big chunk is Mia.”

I nodded, still trying to ignore her thumb. “I like him. Before the show . . . there’s something about him.”

“He’s a good guy.”

Jealousy flared. Not real, the fake bullshit kind.

Emma laughed, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I laughed too. No idea what about.

“That pretend jealous look on your face. Don’t make me prove why you’re a good guy. It’ll start with words and end up my hand in your pants.”

“Ooof.” I looked behind us, just to check that there were people around. Dammit. I laid my forehead against hers. “You realize this is the first time we’ve been alone since we got here and you went shopping. We haven’t been alone since we left your place almost twelve hours ago.” That sounded much more desperate when said out loud than it had in my head.

She giggled at me.  I deserved it. “I wouldn’t say we’re alone, Bastian.”

“More or less. I need to talk to you about something important.” I tried my best to keep a straight face. Unclear if I succeeded. “Your dress.”

Emma pressed her shoulders into the wall, pushing her hips forward. “Is this not the one you wanted me to wear?”

“It most certainly is the one I wanted you to wear.” I didn’t move, my hips keeping her from stretching out more. “It’s better than imagined. But I have problems.”

“I can tell.”

I bet she could with her hips pressed into mine. “You look amazing. Every time I look at you I can’t help but think about all the things no one but me can see.” Her eyebrow lifted and her head tilted a little.

"Even when you're not smiling, I can see the dimple in your left cheek." Almost instantly she smiled. I kissed her dimple. "Right there.” I looked down at her breasts, “The black hides them, but I can see your nipples perfectly." I touched her side under her ribs. "Three freckles here and one under the curve of your ass. From the pool picture I know your twin doesn't have one, so I'll always be able to tell you apart. Don't get me started about what you hide between your legs." I traced the collar of fabric at her neck. "This is what I knew would drive me crazy all night, because this is the only place I could get away with kissing. I love kissing your neck as much as you do. How easy is it to get off?"

"Two buttons with elastic loops."

Sounded like more fine motor control than I was likely to have. "Can I rip it?"

Her eyes went wide, "No!" She started laughing and hugged me. Her laughter went on and became contagious, infecting me. Emma pushed my shoulders, looked at my face, and kept on laughing. My seduction was not going as planned. Emma patted my face, "Sebastian, I love you and want you more than anything. But right now, I'm too stoned for that seriousness."

I yelled, "Fuck!" and we started laughing again. "I worked really really hard." I buried my face against her neck, pulling at the collar with my teeth, then running my tongue around the shell of her ear. Emma squirmed away laughing. I glared at her playfully and huffed out a breath, "Horny."

"My poor baby." Emma whispered against my mouth, "Don't worry. You'll get laid tonight." She kissed me before sucking on my bottom lip.

I said, "Yay." Best as I could with her attached to my lip. I wonder if it’s too soon to leave? It is. I know it is. I don’t really want to leave. I’m having too much fun.

We stayed pressed against the wall laughing and kissing until Eli was beside us, his arms went around both of us. "Are you having sex?" He looked down between our bodies.

I blew a raspberry, "No ", and pulled my hips back to prove it. We most definitely were not connected.

"Because it looks like you're having sex against the wall."

The three of us started laughing. I looked at Eli with a smug expression, "This is your show. Do you really think I would fuck your best friend into the wall at your show?"

Emma punched the hell out of my arm.

"Ouch, Why did you... oh shit." I'd said the four letter word that begins with W.

Luckily Eli was looking at me, his eyes narrowed. "Yes. I think you would if you were pretty sure you wouldn't get caught."

My face went blank, "You're not wrong."

Mia came zipping by and grabbed Emma's arm, "Come with me." Angie was with her and the three women moved to the railing.

Eli and I watched them go then turned to each other with a shrug. We'd been deserted. I hugged him, "I like you, Eli. You're right about a lot of things." I kept my arm around him. “You were right about the wall thing tonight. You were right about her parents being asses."

Eli put his hand on my shoulder and his face was serious, "My friend, I would not lie about her parents. They do not have Emma's best interests. We... you, me, and Ed. Don't trust them." He poked me in my chest. "Protect her."

I put my hand over his mouth, "No more words. Last time we were drunk together we got in trouble."

Eli laughed, "No shit. You went and told her everything."

"Was it a test?" That had crossed my mind many times. Had Eli told me to keep a secret from Emma to see if I would?

"You're giving me too much credit. I was drunk and talking out of my ass." He held up a finger, "Had it been a test, you would have passed."

We've entered the "I love you, man." part of the night. "You're a good friend, Eli."

He inclined his head, "And you're a good boyfriend, Seb."

The house lights went down and the music started. Watching Emma, Mia, and Angie hang onto each other was what I imagined partners at a concert being like. They'd been on tour together and been through good and bad times together. I felt that connection with other actors on set, but this was different. This was the behind the scenes support system. Not just support to their “famous” partner, but support to each other. I didn't know this, but I wanted it. I wanted Emma on a set or an event with me, there for me but also with friends behind the scenes. This felt like family.

Eli and I pulled a table from the wall and sat. Boone, Travis, and Dan joined us. Kirk went up with the  support group. I felt part of the group, not an outsider. They'd taken me in as they'd taken in Emma years ago. I wanted this.

I didn't understand Emma's explanation of the differences between Keaton and Eli’s music. Maybe she wasn't clear and maybe I just didn't understand. A couple of songs in I did. At the party, I'd been blown away by Eli’s voice and expression. He could sing anything. Tonight, had been mostly original music, and while good, it lacked the emotional connection for me. The most honest reason would be the songwriting wasn't consistently as strong. They were good, but lacking that something that made them great.

Keaton was great. He had the confidence, command of the stage, and over the audience that Eli just didn’t have. Music and lyrics were next level too. I don’t know the words to explain. It was the difference between an A and B list actor. There’s something more than just talent that feeds the higher level. Keaton had it. He should be out there in stadiums and the top ten on Spotify. I understand how he didn't want to sell himself to get to the next level. I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that either.

Remembering what Emma said about Keaton writing his life and a lot of Mia, I paid close attention to lyrics. I loved them too. I could see what he was writing, feel it. After the song about her dad telling him stay away, I crept up behind Emma, hugging her from behind and kissing her shoulder to get her attention. I didn’t think Ed would try to chase me off, but the song had resonated  because she has a protective dad. When Emma turned her head toward me, I kissed her and made sure she was watching when I mouthed, "I love you." She did the same. We kissed again and I went back to the table.

For the encore, I returned to Emma. I stayed just behind her with a hand on her ass. I'd heard the final song, a strong guitar driven song about sex at the end of the world. Pretty sure I had it on a playlist somewhere. It wasn’t over when Mia grabbed my hand and I grabbed Emma. Mia led us to the backstage area. Not surprisingly she knew exactly when to leave to beat Keaton backstage. Can't say I wasn't happy to avoid going in the opposite direction of the crowd.

Keaton was the first one through the door. He immediately went to Mia for a short and breathless kiss before leading her to the couch. Mia sat at the end, Keaton laid down with his head in her lap, and Mia combed her fingers through his hair. He looked tired, but with her touch, he relaxed. I smiled and nodded in their direction, "What's the story there?"

Kevin had heard, "Aftershow ritual since they were sixteen."

"They've been together since they were sixteen?"

Kevin said, "Yes."

Keaton yelled, "No."

I cut my eyes toward the couch then back to Kevin. He shrugged, heading to the other side of the room. I pulled Emma with me to the couch where I could see the couple.

Keaton opened one eye, "Not really."

"It's a binary choice."

The rest of the room laughed.

Emma moved to the far end of the couch and pushed Keaton's feet off. "I told him you like to tell your story."

Keaton smiled, "I do."

I sat where he pointed and, happily, Emma sat in my lap with her arm around my shoulder, playing in my hair. The rest of the room started talking amongst themselves. They'd heard the story.

"We met in kindergarten. I tried to scare her with a worm."

Mia laughed, "I kick him in the shin and put the worm under a bush."

They traded off telling their story with smiles and laughter.

While they went through school together, they weren’t friends until middle school when Mia tutored his brother in math. Keaton was playing guitar in his room and Mia went to listen. From that night on they were inseparable. They would meet up after cheerleading and guitar practice. His band’s first concert was a New Year’s party in her basement. Keaton taught her to kiss before her first real date and beat the guy up when he was mean to her. Both stuck to the story they weren't a couple even after they chose to lose their virginity together at their prom. They lost touch when Mia went away to college and Keaton stayed in New York to tour and make music. Mia became an architect and was over restoration in her father's firm. They didn't see each other until almost eight years later when Mia's mother died. Keaton helped her pack up her mother's house in the neighborhood in which his parents still lived. After dinner they went to the country club where they spent their summers. Both had been married and divorced. They'd wanted so much more for each other. Neither wanted this new start to end and they exchanged phone numbers. Keaton walked her to the house and what started as a hug lacing many years together turned into a kiss. One they discussed days later and decided to move past.

They kept in touch, talking or texting daily. Keaton had been signed and was touring new music. He had insisted on two nights in Savannah where Mia lived. They stayed with her in the home she’d restored. The boy who haunted her house hadn’t been as accepting of the new people, running the halls, slamming doors, moving things, and turning out lights. After the show, Keaton liked to hang out and meet fans. Mia came over, only to be surprised by her ex-husband and his new wife. Mia had taken Keaton’s hand, hoping he'd follow along. He had and when the ex called her a groupie Keaton explained they’d know each other since elementary school. He took her out on the dance floor, positioning them to make sure he'd see Keaton kissing her like a lover.

They still said they were just friends. When Mia joined them on tour, they’d get drunk after the show and find any reason to make out and make up every reason why it meant nothing. On the last night of a break in Aspen, Mia had emergency surgery. Keaton stayed with her. Something changed in the single room they shared. Mia slept, Keaton played, and when Mia woke Keaton would care for her. Over the years they'd shared many beds, but not like this. This wasn't drunk collapse after a show. This was tender and Mia being safe in his arms with Keaton waking up to her face, laying together talking in a quiet morning.

Keaton went back to tour and wrote a song about falling in love with your best friend. Mia wouldn’t hear it until their ten year high school reunion. When Keaton wasn’t on stage he was with Mia pushing the boundaries of their friendship and testing the waters for more. He held too many scars to make the first step. Mia could. They crossed the friendship line for the last time.

Keaton kissed Mia's engagement and wedding ring, "Six months later we compulsively married after not dating for about twenty years.”

While we'd been talking another joint had made its way around the room. I was feeling giddy. I let out a happy sigh, "That's a fantastic story and a fairytale ending.”  I looked at Emma then back to Keaton, “I think I’m in love."

Keaton smiled, "With more than just Emma?"

"Not more than Emma, but I love your story and the soundtrack you wrote for it. You should get a writer to put it down and sell the movie rights. Hard to beat a good, friends to lover’ story. I’ve started writing. I'll write it. You'll help and do the music."

Emma joined in, smiling at Keaton, "You've left out the best bit."

Keaton's knowing smile asked, "What part would that be, Ms. Vedder."

Emma grinned, "The first song Mia ever heard you play. The one that started it all.”

Mia took Emma's hand, "Pearl Jam, Black."

Keaton starting laughing, "I will never forget the first time I met you."

I clapped my hands, rubbing them together in front of Emma, "Alright, let's hear this!"

Emma stood up, "I'm going over there." She pointed somewhere I couldn't see and walked away.

I watched her walk away with a smile on my face before turning my attention back to Keaton. "Where were we?"

The three of us laughed. Keaton remembered. "We were playing a club in Seattle and Ed came to check us out for the opening gig job. I was so anxious I was afraid I wouldn't be able to sing. I was expecting Eddie fucking Vedder. Larger than life rock god."  He put his hand on his chest while he laughed. “Then this dad guy showed up with Emma. I thought I was going to have to call child protection services. He never took his arm from around her and she looked terrified"

"How long had she been in Seattle?" I was assuming they knew at least that part of the story. Since they were kind of there and Ed had trust Keaton with her.

Mia made a face, "Maybe two days.”

Keaton picked back up, "Thank fuck he introduced her as his daughter and I didn't have to report him for child trafficking. She was sixteen, but looked like a homeless thirteen-year-old."

That got me laughing, "I looked like a homeless drug addict when we met."

Mia snorted, "I doubt it, but ok."

I didn't want to talk about me. I waved Keaton on. He smiled, "She was a completely different girl the next summer. Confident. Beautiful." He cringed, "Seventeen."

I winced, "Best not to think about."

He nodded, "That whole tour Ed didn't let her out of his sight."

Mia shoved her husband, "Because of pervs like you looking at his almost eighteen-year-old daughter. It was sweet. Ed was very sweet with her." She got off the couch and headed over to where my Emma was.

Keaton yelled after her, "I was a perv when you fell in love with me.”

Mia spoke over her shoulder, "I have questionable taste in men."

Kevin dropped onto the space Mia had left, "She's right." Keaton shoved him over onto me. "Just because you shove me doesn't make me wrong. Who are you perving on?"

Keaton rolled his eyes, "No one."

I shoved Kevin off me, "We were avoiding perving on my girlfriend"

"Why?" Kevin pointed to her, "Look at her."

"The night we met her," Keaton said in a dead tone.

Kevin hissed in a breath through clenched teeth, "Oh, no. She looked like she'd just gotten out of rehab."

I snickered, "Because she had just gotten out of rehab."

"There is that."

We sat talking and laughing until my face and sides ached, reaching the point where we switched from laughter to leftover quiet snickering. I looked around to find Emma. I felt my eyes crinkle as my head tilted to the side.

The other two said, "What?" simultaneously.

I pursed my lips and held a finger out," Do either of you see panty lines?" I didn’t wait for an answer, "I don't think she has on panties."

"Surely," Keaton began, "this isn't a new experience for you."

"No, but I'm very high and very horny."

[larissa-the-scribe]

We’ll Make it Out

Whumptober, Day 1

For more info on characters and setting, go here

1780ish words

It didn't take Lenesse’s brain too long to catch her up to speed, even as she was still opening her eyes. Bound, sprawled on an icy stone floor in the Nyrthyl stronghold, still damp, covered head-to-toe in foul-smelling swamp mud, as well as various cuts, scrapes, and bruises that stung like she’d been bathed in lemon juice. Where the bog-walker had bitten off a chunk of her flesh burned and ached, itching fiercely from dried blood, dried mud, and the rough-woven ropes pulled tight just below it. 

And before that: the panicked chase, running from Lanshir and his men. The border of the Nyr Swamp. Her brilliant idea that could maybe have given them a fighting chance — because of course no one would be stupid enough follow a quarry into a cursed swamp.

On the plus side, she had been right. No one had followed them.

On the down side, no one had needed to.

Considering the three different monster attacks in the space of five hours, the fog that got them instantly and hopelessly lost, the three-hour long limp along the bank of the one clear river in the swamp (their desperate thought being that maybe it flowed out of this Melsyth-forsaken hellscape), and the pathetic last stand they’d made against a band of magic-wielding Nyrthyl warriors — well, it was understandable why the Nyr Swamp had the (literally) accursed reputation it did.

And now we’re captured. Lenesse stared up at the faintly glowing stone ceiling. Makes sense. What else should I have been expecting? A way out? Something NOT terrible? At the very least one night of actual sleep? Well, that would be just… too much to ask for, I guess.

Esyin is probably flipping out even more now, what with the demon-spirit-things. I'm going to hear a lot of I-told-you-so's later, from both him and Andren.

Esyin. Andren.

Lenesse tried to push herself up on her elbows, but a spear haft shoved her back down, knocking her head back against the stone.

“Yeah, they're not letting us move around,” Andren's voice said from her left. "Best to stay still for now."

Lenesse turned her head to look at him. That small action seemed permitted by the guard, standing stiffly within spear-striking distance of all three of them. Esyin was closest to her, lying limply as if he had just been dumped off someone's shoulder - he still looked to be out cold, but his face was facing away from her, so she couldn't tell. Andren was slumped against the wall just beyond him, dried blood cracked across his cheek and matting the rough stubble along his jaw. 

She couldn't remember if that injury had been there before. "You alright?"

Andren nodded. The black eye he’d gotten earlier looked worse in the pale, warmthless light; even more dried blood dribbled from his nose. It looked broken. Again.

She smiled. "You look great."

Andren tried to chuckle, but ending up coughing. The Nyrthyl shoved him back against the wall when he tried to shift into a more comfortable position. "You don't look too bad yourself, Less."

Lenesse rolled her eyes. "Come on, we’ve talked about the nickname thing."

Andren snorted. “What are you going to do? Give me a black eye?”

“Sure, that way you can have a matching set.”

"It'd probably be an improvement," Esyin croaked, stirring a bit for the first time. He tried to straighten out a bit, but got a sharp rap across his injured ankle for his trouble. He winced. "I mean," he added through gritted teeth, "you at least can’t make him look worse. Have you seen his face lately?"

"Well, I could help you out, too, if you want," Lenesse replied. “You can probably use it.”

"Eh. Go jump in a river."

“Rude.”

"Take a bath while you're at it," Andren added, "I've seen cleaner mudskippers."

Lenesse smiled. Her whole body shuddered from cold and exhaustion, but if she closed her eyes and listened only to their voices mumbling out familiar banter, maybe - just maybe - she could convince herself they were all back in the barracks. For one second she could be free of this whole dismal nightmare.

"Can you understand us?" Esyin said, breaking the illusion. He had turned to stare up at the Nyrthyl guarding them.

The Nyrthyl curled his lip, flat, glowering face and glowing skin radiating disdain. His mouth moved for a second, then he stopped.

"So, you can," Esyin said, relaxing back against the stone floor, "you just don't like us enough to try and respond."

"He could just be planning a surprise party for us," Lenesse said dully, still watching the Nyrthyl. His face twitched, and, without moving, his eyes shifted their glare towards her. 

Yeah, he can understand us.

"Just doesn't want to risk giving away the secret," Andren agreed.

"That's probably also why he looks like he wants to throw up every time we talk," Lenesse added.

"I mean, he could just be allergic to cake," Andren said.

The Nyrthyl's hands shifted on his spear, tightening, knuckles whitening.

Man, Lenesse thought, he really is about two seconds from killing all of us.

"A very pleasant fellow," she said out loud.

Andren didn't seem to have anything to add. Esyin was still staring at the wall. 

The silence seemed to echo in the small stone chamber, mingling with what sounded like a river just outside the door. Which was odd. But, come to think of it, legends did say that the Nyrthyl castle had a river flowing through it, so maybe there was even more truth to those tales than previously thought.

It’s probably the river we were following, Lenesse thought. The idea nearly sent her into a fit of hysterical laughter. That had been their last hope, to follow the river out of the swamp to safety. Of course it led them to the Nyrthyls. Of course it had.

Our last hope is going to be what kills us. 

Lenesse bit the inside of her lip, strangling the high-pitched giggle she could feel bubbling up in her throat.

Of course. I mean, did we think we were getting OUT of this? ANY of this?

We marched into the heart of Lanshir's territory and we thought we were going to march back OUT?

It was harder now. She could taste blood on her lip as she bit down more, the suppressed laughter adding to her shudders, a manic grin fighting to break out on her face.

She couldn't even give herself the satisfaction of blaming herself for everyone dying. She might be responsible for them dying in the swamp, but they were always going to die - ever since they stepped out of City of Kings, like all the poor fools sent on this fools errand before them.

She thought of her two little brothers, her parents. Wondered when they'd be told that she was "missing in action". Wondered how Tresha and Ayin would take the news back in the city. Wondered what poor soul would be sent after them to meet a similar deadly fate. Maybe Sir Ralben would get the idea and stop sending his soldiers two by two to their deaths.

Yeah. Two by two. Because I was never even supposed to be here.

Another giggle bitten back. The crowning stupidity of it all was that if she had just done as Fylon had told her, she'd be back in the City of Kings — bored out of her skull, yes, but not tied up to be killed by Nyrthyls. Andren and Esyin would be out here dying on their own.

They'd already be dead, actually. Just at Lanshir's hands, not the Nyrthyls. Because, somehow, she had been stupid enough to think they had any sort of a fighting a chance in any version of events, and had given them all enough hope to drag this all out further. If it hadn’t been for her they'd already be corpses back in the forest.

That thought was the first to nearly brought a sob out of her.

She couldn't think about them dying.

She could die, probably with hysteric laughter if past experience was anything to go by. But not them. It couldn’t be them. Not them lying on the ground, blank eyes staring into nothing. Not them with a spear to their throats. Not them — 

"If you don’t mind, why exactly are we still alive?" Esyin said suddenly.

The Nyrthyl stared at him but did not answer.

"We were trespassing on your land, and you apparently hate us. So why are we still alive? For you to kill us slower? Or do you have some other purpose in mind?"

The Nyrthyl jabbed at him sharply, speaking for the first time in broken, heavily-accented Trade. "No questions."

Answers or not, Esyin had a point.

Why were they still alive?

A shiver ran down her spine. It couldn’t be for anything good.

"I mean, thanks, though," Andren said. "This way you’re giving us enough time to escape and make it out of this mudhole."

Lenesse knew his confidence came from bravado and nothing else. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hug him for it or shake him for being an idiot.

The Nyrthyl laughed, the mocking sound bouncing off the stone room hideously. "Keep that thought, orsidtezc. It will make it more enjoying for me when you scream, dying."

Lenesse flinched involuntarily.

"Sure, if the idea makes you feel better." Andren looked down to lock eyes with Lenesse. "We are going to make it anyway. All the way out."

The fear behind that brash assurance, which she knew was an act for her benefit, nearly broke her resolve to keep from crying. She could see the reality in his posture, strung up as if by puppet wires — slumped but too tense, too ready to snap into sudden action to be believable. She could see it in how wide his eyes were, in how strained his mouth was as he tried to smile at her.

Oh Andren, she thought. I know you're just as scared as I am. Maybe even more so. You're terrified that you're going to have to watch your brother die in front of you. You're terrified of failing him and breaking your promise to keep him safe. You may even be scared of breaking that half-cocked promise you made about protecting me. 

She knew it was all a lie. It didn't make it reassuring. But it did, somehow, make it infinitely more comforting.

"Yeah," she said, smiling grimly, trying to ignore the single, silent tear pooling up in the corner of her eye. "All the way out."

[f-117-nighthawk]

I’m in a Playlist Mood

I was scrolling through my dark matter tag looking for something I made a while ago to reference in the next chapter of Carry Me Home and ran across my last playlist explanation post. It put me in the mood to think about this again, and I’ve added...a lot. The playlist might’ve actually doubled in length since then (Thank You Abyss) and I’ve moved some stuff around in order. So, more playlist meta under the cut (it’s LONG)

So first thing: I’ve actually created two new playlists (well, one new one and actually made the third playlist have more than two tracks) since that post jhadsfljd. Working forwards in time (kinda), we have:

Dark Matter: The Road to Ruin

The Road to Ruin is the Main Playlist, the thing I use to write to, the thing I lie in bed and listen to to think up new things, and half the thing that keeps the timeline in place (it’s actually more updated than World Anvil rn whoops). Here we have overarching plot hooks, character development, and the story of six Paladins and their friends trying to save the universe.

Turn the Lights Out I sort of explained in the last post and I can’t think of too much more to add. The TLDR is it’s about the Lions (and, well, technically [REDACTED] too....) and sort of why I refer to a fully-melded Lion-Paladin duo as Spirits.

(I was here/Will you welcome and recognize me/I'll be there/I was here/Will you dread me, will you despise me/I'll be there/For the last living thing)

Remnants of Stars is again about Galran philosophy and the actual process of the quintessence nurseries filtering quintessence back into the universe. But the bit about giving in to know the truth becomes important much, MUCH later.

(As children of space/With stardust in our veins/We will give in to know the truth/We are the remnants of stars)

Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds are about [REDACTED], about what happens between that instant between the first plank time and the next. They’re an overarching theme, but also the event that everything else builds from, whether that be interpreted as the beginning of the universe or the Voltron comet crashing into Daibazaal.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Apocalypse 1992 is actually the main story of Through Apocalypse Skies, although its framing story is shortly after String Theory. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won't be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They'd fall to Earth to grant a child's dream/But I'm still waiting)

Starlight is the newly added Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I'll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I'll fall in love with you again)

Abyss is Awakenings again. It’s specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I'm surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It's not in my mind/It's here at my side/Go tell the world that I'm still alive)

The End of the Beginning and Nobody Gets Left Behind are the aftermath of the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula, the end of season two. The End of the Beginning hasn’t been posted yet, but it’s also the second of the four Closure fics. The End of the Beginning also has influence on String Theory. 

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I'm caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

(Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul)

A Simple Plan is sort of part of The End of the Beginning, but really takes place after it. It’s the newly shuffled Team Voltron attempting to track down Lotor as Haggar tries to keep him under her control, and the new Black Paladin’s slow shift away from the things that he was pushed into and to the Blade. (And... guess what... it has influence on String Theory!) Fun fact I found out recently: The Spiritual Machines are by and large also the people behind Les Friction, which explains so much.

(What is this space we’re climbing/What is this place we’re stuck in/Why do we feel we’re sinking/How do we get out – get out of this) 

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met skips all the way over Naxzela and to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter.

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can't see your face but I'm trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven't met yet who's wished upon the Pleiades?)

TRIALS (reimagine) and String Theory are.... hoh boy. [REDACTED], [spoilers], and the turning point for a lot of things, which is why it has the honor of being the separating fic between my two main Dark Matter folders. TRIALS being on here is a fun story, because I associate that song very heavily with my main Star Wars fics, since that’s where the series title comes from, but the reimagine version of it gave me such strong Dark Matter vibes, it ended up here. It has heavy influence on the first part of String Theory, and is what I’ve been using for general pacing of the first half. String Theory itself isn’t the weirdest song on the playlist, but it’s really hard to find the connections to it without several layers of abstraction and backstory on [REDACTED]. String Theory is also weaved into a good chunk of fics before it.

(The ending won't be forgotten/It's written in the stars and the hieroglyphs/Sending the lionhearted/The stones break bones, but we're venomous)

(You don't believe in space/You don't believe in light/You don't believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We're never going anywhere we've never been before)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! (Rise Against says it’s about parenting???? lol fuck that) (okay but actually, switch the parental love part to sibling love/general familial love and that’s a pretty good description....)

(So I'll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we're up in flames/I'd burn here if that's what it takes/To let you know I won't let go of you)

Belgrade is the klance song! It is a) bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to be bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction as far as I know. Belgrade also leads almost directly into...

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it's time to move on/When there's nothing left to prove/I'm coming to get you)

Iron is what eventually replaced Ten Thousand Against One. The plot has actually changed a lot since it was that song like. two years ago (three?) at this point. It has more of a focus on Keith knowing what’s going on due to [spoilers] and coming to accept parts of himself that are suddenly very obvious (kiiiinda the third closure fic?)

(You can't live without the fire/It's the heat that makes you strong/'Cause you're born to live/And fight it all the way/You can't hide what lies inside you/It's the only thing you know/You're embracing that, never walk away)

Birthright and Firewall are not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it. They’re actually largely about Lotor, but then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall after Galraasa meets their fate, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can't take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Closure is placed where the fourth of its fics is. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Ember and Soulbound are two closely related missions involving both Voltron and the Blade (specifically the Dark Whispers) in which [REDACTED] comes in with a vengeance, and some revelations about certain people’s fates are had. Soulbound is actually sort of from Krolia’s perspective.

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don't drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

Darker Matter and Other Worlds Than These are. Well. [REDACTED] and [spoilers] and String Theory’s revelations rearing their ugly head once again, but this time with extra context and just a little bit of [spoiler]

(Dream yourself away/The pull of you shredding time and space)

(There are monsters in the sky/There are demons in the sea/I have seen them with my eyes/I've seen what you won't see/Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won't shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is a fun one. The combined effects of String Theory, Soulbound, and Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These come to a head and Team Voltron goes, well, hunting.

(She's been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter's coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she's slain the gods before)

My Darkest Hour is revenge for Godhunter, as well as a distraction from it, although Godhunter continues all the way to Louder than Words. 

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

Faster Than Light is almost direct aftermath of My Darkest Hour, and sort of the inverse of Godhunter, where now Team Voltron are the hunted, even as they attempt to continue hunting. Oh and, Marzin and [REDACTED] are big parts

(Once more we're flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can't outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It's plain to see she's coming for us all)

The Reckoning, This is a Call, World on Fire, The Wind that Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words are the finale, what everything has been building towards. Earth’s faction, Haggar, [REDACTED], Voltron, the Empire, and the Coalition, all clash together in a final desperate bid to finish or prevent the final result of Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds.

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We'll see the day of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

Dystopian Fiction

Dystopian Fiction is focused on what happens on Earth during the main playlist. I split it out because putting stuff like Cross the Line on the main playlist was getting clunky, and I figure Adam and Veronica (and the rest of the Paladins’ families, but mostly those two) deserve a chance for their story to shine on its own.

Dark Matter is on here because title track, but also it does end up with effects.

(Don't stop, don't think/Move up, don't blink now/On your knees pray for rain/Don't breathe when you take your aim)

Codebreaker is Adam’s song! I have him primarily as a cryptologist for the Garrison, teaching on the side and as a reserve pilot. Aviators says Codebreaker is actually about Cyperpunk 2077 but uhhh Fuck That it’s about Adam being The Best and dealing with...

(Codebreaker can't you find/Can you read between the lines of code?/Tell me all that you know/How far down the hole does it all go)

Cross the Line is the Éskhayklos’ image song. They’re a neo-luddite movement turned terrorist group that are upset with the way the Sol Federation is trying to fix Earth, stating that humans are the one that pushed it into this state, they should leave it to die and die along with it. Akane Shirogane was their worst nightmare. Cross the Line fits because, well, they crossed the line when [spoiler beep] and they were happy about it. (And “human cause” comes into play later when they pick up anti-alien leanings)

(Cross the line, redefine, break away unbent, unafraid/Together we stand in the dark/Seeking the light and what is right, together we cross the line/Our journey will come to an end and then our human cause will be/Justified)

Who Will Save You Now here is about Sam, and the aftermath of Here to Save You, in addition to its referenced role in the main playlist

(Alone with this vision/Alone and blind/Go tell the world I'm still alive)

The Day the Earth Collapsed is exactly what it says on the tin.

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Dystopian Fiction is the title track for this part. With the events of The Day the Earth Collapsed, the Garrison and our heroes on Earth are at their lowest point. It really is a piece of dystopian fiction, between [spoiler] and [spoiler]. And also: “Nobody can shoot me down, not just yet” is about Adam bc Fuck Canon

(I'm a dead man/In the wasteland/I'm a soldier fighting for superstition/Under search lights/In the long nights/We've been written like dystopian fiction)

The Reckoning is the only one of its little subset that made it over here, because it’s the only one that references events from before its eponymous fic (both verses are Very Earth)

(We're all alone, walking in twilight/The night has been long and so many have fallen/Feel no remorse, light will be breaking/Our freedom is worth it all)

Filaments

Filaments is the least complete, mostly because it’s the ‘sequel series’ of sorts. I have ideas for it, but I still haven’t posted most of the major story beats from the main portion of Dark Matter, so I’ve been purposefully putting it on the backburner. I do have enough to write Carry Me Home and put some foreshadowing in other fics.

Dark Matter is here because, well. A) Title track, B) yes, it still has effects. It’s the overarching theme, after all. Filaments sort of has a subtitle itself, which is ‘The Undoing,’ after the other part of the lyric that the subtitle of the main playlist comes from. It’s about undoing a past mistake (that wasn’t obviously a mistake until much later) and reconciling the events of Your World Will Fail.

(I am the keeper/I am the secret/I am the answer/I am the end)

Filaments is the title track of this part. It’s... a little hard to explain why without giving away the entire plot (what little I have planned lol) but it’s about the connections between different parts of the universe, and some fall-out of Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These.

(These glowing filaments/Conducting this enchanting/Sarcophagus that's holding us)

Starlight is, again, Adashi song, and this time the happy part

(Don't leave me lost here forever/I need your starlight and pull me through/Bring me back to you)

Carry Me Home is what I’m in the process of writing right now, and it’s about the aftermath of the Quintessence War, specifically about how Shiro decides to settle down on Earth and what he does to build himself a home.

(Carry me home to the morning light/carry me home before you wave me goodbye/Oh, carry me home...)

[hunterenough]

I am Dean.

I am Dean. I’ve identified with the character essentially since the show aired. We’re about the same age, both oldest siblings, and we’ve both had a lot of responsibility thrust on us that we just had to learn to handle. We’ve learned to stuff down what we feel because it’s our job to get shit done, and most of the time, feelings just get in the way. We love deeply, but most people think we’re unfeeling because after 30 odd years of boxing shit up, we’re damned professionals at it.

Right about the time the show started, I’d dropped out of graduate school and was living back at home while I worked up enough cash to find a place of my own. There was very little about my life that I felt was my own, and it was very much like being back in high school. All of the things that I’d learned about myself in the years I was away were erased, and I was very much trying to act like the person everyone thought I still was. I think Dean was the same, that each time he was out on his own, he learned a little more about who he actually was, and that each time they came back together, he had to act like nothing had changed, like he was still the perfect little soldier his dad had raised. I had to act like the quiet book-smart girl my family knew. But we knew, Dean and I, what we were hiding from the world in those moments. For Dean, I think it was a recognition of grey areas, an understanding of what love really could mean, how different his life could be.

I was a lot less successful at hiding it in the long run. I didn’t come out to my family intentionally. My dad happened to come home from work early one day, and found me napping with my then girlfriend. Shit hit the fan, I was essentially kicked out of the house, and wound up living with my girlfriend. I’m really lucky. It was a pretty smooth transition, and my brothers were incredibly supportive. It took nearly a year, but my parents eventually realized that having a queer daughter was not the end of the world, and they’d rather have me in their lives than not. It wasn’t perfect, but I’ll give them every bit of credit for learning to not only accept me, but to show that they had never stopped loving me. My mom even tried to explain that they just didn’t know how to talk to me about it at first. That relationship ended, not well really, but that didn’t matter, life went on.

I met my husband-to-be the same year Dean met Cas. I won’t pretend we danced around starting a relationship like they did, but I think Dean and I had a pretty similar approach. I performed my role as a new girlfriend the way I figured people thought I should. I held hands and we kissed in public. Honestly, that’s not how I’d ever been in a relationship before. I’m not huge on touching in general, less so in public, but nobody had ever seen me in a relationship with a guy, and, after everything, I just didn’t feel like trying to explain myself again.

Performing is exhausting. When I realized that this guy was important, that I really might want him around long term, it felt even more so. Again, I’m lucky because when i started to let my mask slip, this guy fell in love with the real me too. Our relationship settled into a comfortable safe space, and I was happy. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but at the end of the day, he was always there for me.

Dean, I think, had that with Cas. Regardless of their “relationship” status, whether they were best friends or something more, Cas was Dean’s safe place. He was the person that knew all of his weaknesses and flaws and still chose to stand by his side.

Fast forward to season 12. A lot happened in those years, both for Dean and for me. Honestly though, this is where Dean and I found our next huge plot of common ground. In 2017, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I watched Dean wrap Cas for his funeral pyre while I was sitting in a hospital room next to my husband who was hooked up to IV’s in his arm and a central port in his chest. I completely understood the stoicism of the act. Our practicality and sense of duty serves us well when our world is going to shit. Dean turned to drinking, I learned exactly how to be responsible for my husband’s at home care. I’ll never be able to explain how well I understood exactly what Dean was feeling when he met Billie. I didn’t want to die, but honestly if it was my time, then so be it. I’m not suicidal, never have been, but I didn’t have a lot of fight left in me after I lost my husband.

Now, to the end of Season 15. I think Dean’s characterization after Cas was taken was spot on, but I can say that primarily because nearly all of what we saw was him with others. Remember, we’ve had years of practice stuffing our feelings down, doing what needs to be done, and acting fine.

I held my husband’s hand while he died. I did exactly what I promised him I would and told him I loved him and that everything would be okay. (We’ll get back to how much that part of the finale kicked the shit out of me in a bit.)  

When he was gone, in the living room of our house mind you, because that’s what he wanted, I got shit done. I called his nursing service to report his death, called the funeral home to retrieve his body, and started notifying our friends and family. I smoked a pack of cigarettes and kept my shit together because I knew that if i started to cry, I might never stop. I watched the home nurse and the funeral director prep his body and roll it away, sent his mom home, and when I was finally alone, more alone than I’d been in years, I sat next to his bed and cried until I couldn’t breathe.

By the time my brother showed up a couple hours after I’d called to tell him my husband had passed, I was doing the dishes. It was well after midnight at this point. I’d told him I was good, but...he’s my brother, and he knows me. He came with a bottle of whiskey (another thing Dean and I have in common), and sent me to bed after we’d shared a few shots.

The thing that you don’t know, unless you’ve been through it, is that there is a TON of shit that needs to be done after someone dies. I planned a cremation, a memorial, dealt with insurance companies and our mortgage and all of our joint accounts, and by the time all of that was underway, it was time to go back to work.

When someone you love dies, there is an expectation that you’re going to grieve publically. For me, for Dean, that is unacceptable. If we’re weak, if we lean on someone while we’re dealing with our grief, then we’re letting down the people that depend on us to be strong. Yes, that’s a completely acceptable and normal thing for a good chunk of the population, but that’s not who we are. I can honestly say that moving forward with my life was literally the only thing that kept me going.

So, the final two episodes.

I didn’t question for a second that Dean didn’t talk about Cas’ declaration or his sacrifice. I sure as hell didn’t. I didn’t doubt that he’d make a seamless transition back to casework in the same way I went back to my own job. Having a role to perform that I understood and knowing how to act in specific situations made it so much easier for me to push things down. He had to prove to Sam that he was fine for the same reason that I did, so that the people who love us wouldn’t be watching our every move waiting for us to run screaming off the next cliff. My brother, the same one who showed up with whiskey, did essentially the same thing that Sam did. He didn’t push me to talk. He helped me clean all the medical supplies out of the house, made sure my house and car weren’t going to kill me, and texted me weird random memes daily just so I would text him back.

I also didn’t question the empties in his bedroom or the coat in the trunk. In private moments, when no one is around to see, it’s ok to loosen the relief valve on all of the shit that’s been tightly contained. I slept in my husband’s hoodies and emptied my bar. I understood those things. No one knew about the nightmares, and I ignored the fact that I was drowning in a million memories of my husband every day I spent at home.

To me, those things go hand in hand with losing the person you love most. Regardless of whether or not you think that Dean loves Cas romantically, you can’t argue that Cas was his life partner in a way completely different from Sam. Sam is his responsibility, Cas was his choice. He loves them both, just differently.

Disregarding the revival of an old character for no apparent reason and the fact that it was one of John’s old cases, I didn’t struggle with the handling of the vampire scene in the barn either. I don’t believe that Dean would have ever killed himself intentionally. He would have seen it as his responsibility not only to survive, but to live. Cas just died to save him, again, and there’s no way that Dean is going to let that be for nothing. For me, it was finally going to a Supernatural convention and taking a trip to Paris. For Dean, it was Pie Fest in Akron. They drove fifteen hours for pie. Live, don’t just survive.

He didn’t intentionally throw himself at that hunk of rebar. It was a byproduct of doing his job. But, I think, his reaction to it was the most real thing that could have happened. He didn’t want Sam to call an ambulance or try to save him. He didn’t want Sam to do anything but give him permission to stop fighting. He needed to hear that it was ok.

I’ve never been close to my own death. I don’t have that perspective, but in the year and a half that my husband fought cancer, I was taught to understand this moment as well. When we moved to the palliative stage of my husband’s treatment, the part where medical care is no longer about treating the disease but is now focused on providing comfort, we talked about everything. The thing that scared my husband the most was leaving me behind. He worried about how I would deal with my grief, he worried about me being alone, he worried about how I would manage a sixty hour work week and four pets and a four bedroom house and a two hour round trip commute. He didn’t worry about being dead, he worried about me being alive.

The night my husband died, we all knew it was coming. There are a variety of medical indicators, blood pressure changes, muscle changes, and most critically, at the very end, the fucking death rattle. I cannot explain this sound, I hope you never hear it, but you’ll know if you do. So, at the very end, when my husband was fighting for every breath, I held his hand, and I told him I loved him and I told him that everything would be ok. It was my way of telling him that he didn’t have to fight for me anymore, that I would be ok without him. It didn’t have to be true, but he had to hear it. I couldn’t let him die with all of that worry and guilt swirling around in his head.

Hearing Dean ask Sam to tell him it was ok hit me so fucking hard. For me, it was the clearest declaration of his love for Cas that he could have given. He literally looked at his brother, who he has sacrificed his life for in a myriad of ways, and asked for permission not to fight anymore.

Sam did the same thing for Dean that I did for my husband. He recognized that Dean would hold on as long as he could just to make sure that his little brother would be ok once he was gone. He knew Dean was miserable and suffering, so he held Dean’s hand, told him he loved him, and that it was ok. It didn’t have to be true, he just had to say it.

To be honest, I didn’t have a problem with Bobby being the one to welcome Dean to heaven. In fact, I think he was a great choice, regardless of whether or not it was a Covid related decision on the writer’s part. Bobby was his dad, someone he trusted, and was the logical person to let Dean know that Jack had revamped heaven before sending Dean out to do what he had to do to find his peace. I didn’t expect an emotional scene, it would have been out of character for both of them.

I didn’t have a problem with Dean climbing into Baby and just driving. Two years after losing my husband and I still do the same thing when the shit in my brain is moving too fast for me to deal. Baby is home to him, a place he feels comfortable and in control, and driving is the best way he knows to find some perspective.

I didn’t have a problem with the montage of Sam’s life. I thought it was terribly constructed, but the content of it was predictable. Sam stayed true to character and did what he asked of Dean before hopping into the pit. He went out and made himself an apple pie life. I would have been surprised and disappointed if it was anything different.

The thing that made me hate the finale was the end. When Dean turned around on that bridge, what we should have heard was “Hello Dean.” That hug should have been Dean and Cas. Regardless of whether or not you think they shared romantic love, Cas was family, name on the table and all. I didn’t need a love confession, I didn’t need a kiss, I didn’t need some grand romantic moment. I just needed that thank-Jack-you’re-not-stuck-in-uber-hell hug like the one Benny watched in purgatory or that Mary saw after the soul bomb. Dean’s been in heaven for a bit, long enough that Sam could have witnessed this one from the passenger seat with a grin.

There’s no way Dean would have found peace without seeing for himself that Cas was safe, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

[imthepunchlord]

For all the new things, I kinda wished they showed all of this before SwSh was released, now it's a bit more pricey and I feel like it's kinda rushed. Also for the Mystery Dungeon, I'm excited for that bit I really hope that include all the starters and non starters as well in the final.

I wish they went ahead and pushed back SaS so it’d be released 2020, with this expansion back already included, and the new places we go to can be unlocked during our adventure or as postgame. I would’ve fine waiting and would’ve preferred it, especially to give them a chance to do more with the main story which is pretty weak and made little sense, and Rose was a very forced in villain. Also made no sense in the story climax. Watching playthroughs and seeing the climax of SaS I’m just... 

Its also frustrating that you get to hear about things happening and not actually witness or help. Like, its nice having adults acknowledge that you’re a kid, don’t worry about it we’ll handle it, but at the same time, that’s a chunk of story we have a right to see, and we’re kids in this game, we don’t always do what adults say we should follow and see what’s going on. That could’ve been something optional. Go to event to see what’s happening or skip it to go to the next gym. 

And this is turning into a rant so I’m going to put this below. For those that just want to read my comments on Mystery Dungeon, scroll down till you get to the Pikachu gif, I’ll talk about it below. 

Also there could’ve been improvements with the rivals. Marnie is suuuuper intriguing and I love her, Bede I also like though that’s more me missing mean rivals and man, he’s a brat and I say that with affection. But in the grand scheme of things, they felt pointless. More could’ve been done to include them. And Hop. God, Hop. I know people like him, but from what I’ve seen, he seems like the most annoying “friend rival” made to date. He does not know what personal space is. He waits for you in front of gyms. He waits for you on new routes. He has to comment on almost every move you make in your fights with him. 

I don’t even own the games but just from the playthroughs I’ve watched I’m just... go away. Leave the lead alone. Everywhere you turn, he’s there, waiting for you. It also feels like he only got endorsed because he’s Leon’s younger brother. There’s nothing about him that I like. And, I don’t know why he gets the other wolf legendary? What makes him worthy?What makes him want to be a Professor in the future? That’s out of nowhere. 

Something more could’ve been done with Hop, maybe an arc of him resenting you a little because every match you beat him, and he’s the Champion’s younger brother and you just seem to stay ahead. Maybe let us have more scene of him talking with Sonia since he’s going to be her future assistant. If he’s going to be constantly stalking us and waiting for us, then yeah, let’s at least better build up where his character will go. 

Then there’s the issue of pokemon. With it pretty much confirmed they just reused models from gen 7, yeah, there’s no reason to not include more pokemon. If not the National Dex, which wouldn’t bother me too much, then go ahead and add about half. At most, I’d love pokemon included that would make the most sense. Like, lion is a big symbol throughout all of Europe. There should be a lion in Galar, either Litleo or Shinx returning if not a new lion pokemon. And with the expansion packs, yeah, they’re already adding 200 each pack. 

And a lot of this dlc should already be in the game. If 400 pokemon are going to be added in, they should already be there. The new Giga forms should already be there and we should’ve seen the Giga Venusaur and Blastoise the same time as Charizard. 

I’m also salty that there’s no going to Kalos. Maybe it’ll be a future expansion, and that’s a dlc I wouldn’t mind, but those are two very linked countries they’re based on. And Galar truly isn’t a big region. The Wild Area isn’t as big as it could be. Like, it doesn’t have to be BotW big, but it could’ve been bigger than what we got. And if not expanding the Wild Area, we could’ve had Kalos as a new region to go to, and more gyms for us to do. 

ALSO.

I am not a fan of you refacing the gyms and having them act as your “Elite Four”. 

They’ve already been fought. Aside from the first two, you’ve already fought all the star Giga forms they have. Its a really lazy decision. At least, you can have the two first gym leaders come in since you didn’t fight their star Giga forms, and include the other two version exclusive gym leaders as the other two. Just for some freshness in this final challenge. 

I know they’re not big on voice acting, but, they should’ve put some form of VA into these games. Its a little awkward to get animated cutscenes and there’s no voices coming forth. And its at its worst when you get to Piers and you see him singing away, I presume loudly, into his mic and its just awkward cause there’s no voice and you can hear him tapping his foot to the music and its just so off putting to watch cause something is missing: a voice! And you know what’s the kicker? Pokemon has included voice acting before. 

There is no reason to not do something similar, at least for Piers’ intro so its not so awkward to watch. 

And then post game... the official post game... I, I honestly can’t say what is even going on? Those two blonde bimbos, those designs, who agreed to pass them? For sword guy, I don’t know whether I should be laughing or uncomfortable. Its like, an in between especially when his hair flops around. Also, their reasoning, they’re causing chaos in Galar because they didn’t like a book Sonia wrote??? 

The villains in these games are just so dumb.

Like, Rose had a good motive but, he is still forced in. And he activates the climax for no reason. He was promised by Leon that he would help with Eternatus, all he had to do was wait through one match. One match that would’ve been 30 minutes at most, roughly. Yet he couldn’t wait for one match and went ahead and woke up Eternatus, does a video asking for help, and when you arrive, stops you for a battle that doesn’t make sense to have cause he asked for help why is he holding you up with a battle?? 

And Team Yell. Supposed to be like, a 2nd Team Skull and these guys could dream to live up to Team Skull. They can’t. They’re not funny or enjoyable at all. And my friend brought up a good point on the issue of having Team Yell based on punks when they’re supposed to be the “villainous” team. Punks, historically, were rebelling against an unfair system, they were progressive and revolutionary. They stood up for LBGT rights, they stood for having individual freedom, and just wanted to break the restrictions society wanted to place on people, let people express themselves and be who they want to be. 

If you want Team Yell to be a 2nd Skull and play around with punks as their theme, then they should’ve been set up to be red herrings as well. Be wary at first and then later find that they have hearts of gold, and mean well, even if they can be a tad extreme sometimes. And maybe they can help build up the danger of Rose, who in turn wants to paint them in with a bad image since they’re going against him and what’s normal in society. 

Anyway... Sword and Shield honestly should’ve been pushed back. They should’ve been saved for 2020, or even 2021, or however how much time they need. I would’ve been fine waiting. A lot of fans would be. But what we got wasn’t worth the $60 it was being sold at, and definitely not worth the $90 its being sold at with the expansion packs, and as far as I know, these are very, very small areas to explore. Cause as we’ve seen with SaS, they built it up to be big and grand and, well, the Wild Area was smaller than expected and the whole was far shorter than expected. You could beat it in 20 hours roughly. 

I even have mixed feelings on there being no enhanced version, cause these games do have potential, they just needed more time and polish, and then it could’ve worth the $60 price. But also thankful that there’s not another 2nd version and we may be getting a few expansion packs instead. 

Though I do think a lot they’re bringing in should already be in the game. 

Anyway, enough ranting about Sas, onto Mystery Dungeon!

Demo I think could’ve been a little longer, they stop you before you go on the Skarmory mission, I think it could’ve been a better placement to end after the Skarmory mission. 

Anyway, I like the changes so far. I love you can choose a different pokemon if you don’t like what you got from the test. I love that you have an updated move pool, though I feel kinda OP but you also kinda need it for these games cause I remember them being so hard and as a starter that can’t evolve till like, post game, yeah you’re going to need that help. I love that you get to wear a little scarf. Design wise, a little weird at first but it grew on me. Kinda reminds me of Okami. 

By trailer, for sure they’re adding more pokemon in. Lucario is seen in the team, when before, you only saw Lucario as a statue in Red Blue, I believe? Its been a long time. But they only had Gen 1-3 in RB, and Lucario is there so I would think they’d add in a lot more pokemon. 

For starters, I’m hopeful that beating the game, if you replay, you’ll get more options for the starters to play as and have as your partner. I’d loooove to have a chance to play as Popplio. Mega Evolution is confirmed, I wonder if regional forms would also be playable, like if we could evolve into Alolan Marowak or be one of the other two regional Meowths. Otherwise, everyone you could be in the old game is there, with no gender restriction! You can be a female Cubone! A male Eevee! A female Cyndaquil! I’m so happy about that since as a kid, I wanted to play Cyndaquil but never got it in the test and had to look it up and was bummed that it was male only and I wanted to be a girl. 

My biggest hope though is that with this, we’ll have a chance to play two player, since you have a team of two usually, and your friend or sibling or SO can play your partner. 

I am pleasantly surprised with it so far, though I will be holding off when its released in a few months, just going to listen to all reviews once they beat the game and if its very positive, cause SaS had a strong start and then went down hill with Gamefreak rushing it and cutting corners. I’m hopeful for this remake but cautious still. 

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets - Part 7

Requested: No

Word Count: 4566 

POV: Tyler

Waring: Cursing I think I at least use one swear word every part.

Notes: Pretty fluffy, but I like it. Got a little long. 

With one last flourishing swish of your hand it would be done, well not completely done; they still needed to accept your offer, but the realtor assured you they would. Now you just needed (Y/N) to come inside for her part of this venture. She’d been strolling outside around the pool for the last several minutes, hopefully not regretting that kiss you just shared; you could still taste her on your lips. It had been sweet and unexpected. The fact that you wanted it to happen again, was in the forefront of your mind; even as you signed papers for a multi-million-dollar home. 

 Striding through the french doors, came the woman of your dreams, finally stepping back inside your dream home; munching on one of her protein bars. Skeptically you looked at her, “Is that mine?”

 Mouth full, her answered garbled, “ummm…no.” Her cheeks blushed a delightful shade of pink, giving herself away. Reaching over, snaking your hand around hers, you brought the snack to your mouth; taking a huge chunk out of the bar.

 She narrowed her eyes at you, while snatching her hand back at the same time. “What? Don’t try and fool me I know that one was mine. Here I need you to sign this?”

 Settling the papers for the house in front of her, you handed her the pen. “Why do I need to sign?”

 “Because the house is in your name as well, dummy. It’s just for the bid we are putting in, but then the deed and all the rest of the papers will be in both our names as well.”

 Tugging on your arm, she pulled you aside; out of ear shot of the realtor. “Tyler, you shouldn’t be putting this in my name. This is your money, your house. It’s not a smart business move.”

 “You’re wrong babe. It’s our house and the deed is going to reflect that. It’s a done deal, just move your sweet little ass over there and sign your name, or else I’ll eat the rest of that protein bar.” It was an empty threat; if not utterly ridiculous. That it had her moving over to the table and signing the paper, had you patting yourself on the back. “Alright, let’s go get some real food now.” With some last words to the realtor; the two of you left the house.

 Thankfully at this time of night the crowd had thinned out at the restaurant; though you still asked to be seated in the back, so it could just be the two of you. Well three really. “God, I’m starving. I think I could order one of everything off this menu.”

 “Taking this whole mom thing seriously, aren’t ya babe,” there was a teasing tone in your voice; hers and the baby’s health weighed heavily on you. You knew the first few months of the pregnancy hadn’t been ideal, because of your stupidity; but now their well-being was your main concern.

 “You have no idea. I ate a whole pint of ice cream, watching the game the other night.”

Blinking, not sure if you heard her correctly; you digested the information that she was now back to watching you play. It was one step closer to getting her back into the arena, but more importantly back into your bed. “A pint babe, really that’s not a lot. No wonder you ate half of my protein bar.”

“Ugh…you and that damn bar. Next time I’m packing more, they’re small.” The waiter came by then, you two placing your orders; hers really not changing for the last time you two had been here months ago, even though she insisted she was famished. “Don’t be mad or anything. But I’m not sure I’m ready to just move back in or anything with you yet. I mean, I know we wouldn’t be getting the house for a bit, but I’m not one hundred percent sure I’ll be ready when it’s ready.”

You couldn’t mask your disappointment, and were sure there was a touch of sadness in your voice, “I understand. No pressure. Whenever you’re ready.”

She looked at you, surprise written all over her face. “Really? No argument?”

“I’m not gonna lie hun. I wish you’d tell me you were ready to move back right now, but I can wait. We’ll just take baby steps,” laughing at the pun you’d just made. “But really, as long as it’s not a forever thing, I can wait. The dogs on the other hand; they might not like that idea so much.”

Bringing the boys in was a low move, you knew she had a soft spot for them; loved them as much as you did. That she hadn’t seen them all this time, was probably eating her alive. “Oh, you don’t play fair. I miss them so much. How are they?”

“Well, Cash and Marshall are still pissed at me over you leaving. And Gerry,” shaking your head you continued. “Gerry keeps digging holes to come find you.” While the picture you painted wasn’t exactly correct, it also wasn’t a lie either. The dogs had sensed something was wrong the minute she walked out the door; whining and crying with you that day. They’d been moping around as much as you had been the last few months. “They’re all really good though. They’ll be excited to see you. You should come over and see them.”

She hesitated briefly before answering, “Yeah, maybe sometime this week I can make it over.”

“Hmmm, we’ve got a road trip coming up, but go over anytime you want. You have the code still.”

“How long are you gone this time,” was your mind playing tricks on you, or was that a touch of sorrow you heard in her voice.

“It’s not too bad this time. I’ll be home late Sunday night.” Thankfully it wasn’t a long trip and then you’d be back in Dallas for at least a week afterward. Though you’d need to come up with a plan for keeping your relationship with (Y/N) on its current course; you wouldn’t have this five day away trip, make her rethink any of the progress the two of you had made.

You could see the wheels turning in her brain, wondered what she was thinking; though you weren’t meant to find out. The food you’d ordered arrived just then; ceasing the current conversation. The two of you ate; speaking of nothing of great consequence. Essentially just catching up with each other’s lives; while falling back into an easy routine. Before you knew it, the check came; signaling the night was almost at an end. Leaving the restaurant, you helped (Y/N) out of her seat; holding her hand as you made your way to the vehicle.

 Once again you buckled her in, making sure that both she and your child were safe. The last thing you wanted to do was drive her back to the small little apartment, she currently called home. It wasn’t like it was in a bad area, in fact quite the opposite; it was just, she belonged with you. But that would happen in time, you just needed to be patient. Walking slowly, so you wouldn’t have to leave her any sooner than necessary; you made your way to her door. “Thanks for meeting me tonight. I had a nice time.” Your sixteen year-old-self took control of your body then; for you suddenly felt shy and awkward. Not knowing if you should kiss her good night, or just allow her to walk inside.

 (Y/N) took the decision out of your hands, going up slightly on her tip toes to press a quick kiss to your lips. It wasn’t near enough, but you’d settle with it for now. “Goodnight Ty, I’ll see you tomorrow at four.” With that she closed the door; leaving you standing there giddy with how the night had gone.

That the hours ticked by slowly until four o’clock the next day was an understatement. But finally, you found yourself pulling up outside (Y/N)’s office building. That she was standing out there waiting for you, didn’t surprise you in the least; of course, she wouldn’t want anyone to know yet, that the two of you were working on getting back together. “Hey hun, you look amazing.”

“Thanks,” giving you the address to the doctor’s office, so you could punch it in the navigation system. “So, are you ready for this?”

“What’s there to be ready for? You’re the one getting the exam, not me. Besides you said there was no ultrasound today.” Reality was, that you were a tad bit anxious, but only to make sure the baby and (Y/N) were ok; not that you would ever let her know that.

“I don’t know. It’s just a…how do I want to put this. A different environment than a regular doctor’s office.”

You’d seen all those romantic comedy movies with her, to know enough, that there would be a set of stirrups in the office; not to mention that they’d probably be looking at her vagina. Admittedly that would be weird. “I think I’ll be fine.”

Twenty minutes later when you were sitting in the office waiting room; you had to acknowledge you were not fine. While a good percentage of the woman there were pregnant; there weren’t many men with them. Literally you felt like you’d just received a five-minute major for fighting, and now, all eyes were on you, as you made your way to the penalty box. You’d assumed more men went to these things when (Y/N) asked you, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Striving for an air of nonchalance, you picked up a magazine; while (Y/N) filled out the paperwork. Curiosity got the best of you though, when a woman sat her car carrier beside you; inside was the sweetest little newborn, snoozing away. Automatically you asked, “How old is she,” assuming said little one was a girl, since she was wrapped up all in pink.

“She’s six days old today.” The mom answered, as she moved the baby’s blankets down, so you could get a better look.

Funny thing, before you found out (Y/N) was pregnant; you kind of thought all newborns were well….it was sad to say, and ugly was too harsh a word, but they just weren’t cute. Now however, they were the most adorable creatures on this planet; like sweeter than Gerry when he was a puppy, and that was damn adorable. “She’s a heartbreaker, that’s for sure.”

“Thanks, is this yours and your wife’s first?”

“Yes, can you tell,” the fact that you didn’t feel the need, nor did you want to correct her about (Y/N) being your wife; was not lost on you. It actually felt good that someone thought you were a couple; well more than a couple, husband and wife.

“Well to be honest. You look a little nervous, but don’t worry, my husband was a wreck with our first one. With number three here; he’s an old pro. You’ll be fine, just follow your instincts, and just be there for your wife. That’s all she needs.”

Just then the nurse called (Y/N)’s name. “It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the advice. Oh, and congratulations on number three, she’s beautiful.” Letting your hand rest on the small of (Y/N)’s back, you let her lead you into the exam room.

Once encased inside, the nurse started chatting about the appointment. “So, Doctor Harris got called away for a delivery. Hope you don’t mind but you’ll be seeing our PA today.” (Y/N) didn’t seem to have a problem with that; so the nurse continued on. “We need to get your weight, do some measuring, draw some blood and get a urine sample. Then we’ll have the PA come in and check the heartbeat. You two good with that.”

Both of you nodded your approval, considering all you had to do was watch; you were fine with everything. Taking the seat over in the corner, as to not be in the way; the nurse got to work taking (Y/N)’s vitals. Handing over the small plastic cup, the nurse left the room to go find the PA; while (Y/N) went to give the sample. It gave you a chance to better inspect the room. On the wall, hung images labeling all the parts of a woman’s body, as well as depicting a baby inside. There was a small model on the counter of a baby inside the womb as well; as you stepped over to get a closer look, the door flew open, causing you to jump back. “What are you doing? Please tell me you didn’t take that baby out of there.” (Y/N) was shaking her head at you, as she laid the sample down.

“Relax, I was just checking it out.” Truth be told, you were fighting the urge not to touch it right before she came in. (Y/N) took a seat on the exam table; while you resumed your seat in the corner.

The door opened once more, this time a woman who looked to be in her thirties walked in. “Hi (Y/N), not sure if you remember me; I’m Amber, Dr. Harris’ PA. I think I did your ultrasound the last time.” The two exchanged handshakes, (Y/N) smiling, remembering their first encounter. “And you would be,” extending her hand to you.

“Tyler. I’m the dad.”

“Great, to meet you. So glad to see you here supporting mom.” She walked over to (Y/N). “So mind if I check to see how our little one is doing.” (Y/N) raised her shirt revealing her non-existent belly, for the PA to start the exam; pressing here and there, obviously feeling for the baby. After a few minutes she picked up the tablet to review some records. “So, I know you’re not scheduled for an ultrasound today, but I spoke to Dr. Harris before I came in and we’d both like to have one done today.”

“Is something wrong?” it was said in unison, by both you and (Y/N).

“Not that I can tell. Honestly, with you only having a 4 ounce weight gain this whole time; combined with the nurse not really getting a good measuring of your uterus; we’d just like to double check and make sure the baby’s growing at a normal rate. I don’t anticipate anything being wrong.” She started moving things around the room, grabbing a small sheet type thing for (Y/N) to put over her legs. “Dad, why don’t you move closer to mom over here and do me a favor take a deep breath ok. Everything is fine.”

Panic had set in, all the fears you’d had since (Y/N) had told you about the baby; setting in. The voice in the back of your head, beat a steady tattoo of, it’s your fault if anything is wrong.  (Y/N) reached over grabbing your hand, hers slightly shaking in the process; that she was just as nervous didn’t make you feel any better. Turning off the lights, the PA spread some warm blueish gel over (Y/N)’s stomach; then started moving the wand back and forth in search of the baby. A swooshing sound hit your ears first, and you looked to the PA to see if this was a good sign. She remained silent, concentrating on locating the baby; and then there is was, this tiny little human being. It was small but yet you could still distinctly make out its head and body, and what possibly looked like a leg; you couldn’t be sure.

“There you are little one. Oh you look good.” She kept up a little conversion, more with the baby than either you or (Y/N). “Ok let me see,” moving the wand one way, and then you heard it; what sounded like a tiny galloping horse. “Ok dad, that’s baby’s heartbeat. Can you hear it?” Amazingly you could, it was fast and constant; a steady rhythm beating over and over again, and it was music to your ears. This was your baby, you and (Y/N) brought this little miracle here, it was overwhelming. All those fears you had, came back, but instead of feeling scared and wanting to run away; you wanted to run towards it. You felt protective the minute (Y/N) had mentioned she was pregnant; but this, this was different. You wanted to wrap them both in a bubble and never let any harm come to them. They were your life, your being, your reason for living; and god you would do anything for both of them.

(Y/N) looked over at you tears streaming down her face; yours mirrored the same. Bringing your joined hands to your lips; you softly kissed her knuckles. Mouthing the words, I love you over to her; that she uttered them back, sent more tears down your eyes.

The PA’s words had you turning your attention back to the screen. “So I’m just going to take a couple measurements, but everything looks great. You two can breathe now.” She would move the wand, then do a few clicks here and there. “Ok so we definitely need a picture. I’ll print a couple for you both. Measurements look great. We need to get you eating a little bit more mom; think you can help us out with that dad?”

Sniffing, you did your best to answer. “umm..Yeah, I’m on it.”

“Good, I have a feeling this little one will be popping out on you any day. So I have you marked at fifteen weeks and 6 days, by the measurement; which coincides with what we had down before. Things look really good though, I’m happy with everything. We’re going to schedule you with another ultrasound the next time as well. We should be able to tell the sex then, baby wasn’t too co-operative today, but hopefully next time, if you’re interested.”

“No, we decided we don’t want to know.” (Y/N) answered for both of you as she wiped the blue goo off her.

“Not a problem, I’ll make a note on your chart. Just let us know if you change your mind.” Wheeling over in the chair, she snapped on the light switch; quickly you swiped at the tears on your face. Handing over a box of tissues to you, the PA proceeded, “So do either of you have any questions for me.”

Making a few more passes with the Kleenex, you asked, “How much weight should (Y/N) be at for next time?” You’d be force feeding her the whole damn box of protein bars, if you had to.

“Well we would’ve liked to see a gain of about two to five pounds this visit. So at the twenty week mark, we’d like to see eight or ten pounds. I’ll be happy if you can get her at the five pound mark. Remember we are looking for health eating options too, not just all junk food. I’ll get a print out for you to take home. What else?”

Your brain was swirling with about a million things; yet there was only one question you needed to know. The problem was how to word it. “Ummm…with (Y/N) finding out late about the pregnancy; and all the stress I put her through. Do we need to be concerned about any problems or complications in the future with the baby? Or is there something special we should be doing?” Guilt had overwhelmed you after (Y/N) told you what she went through. If there was something you could be doing, should be doing you would do it.

The PA came over to you then, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Mom and baby are fine dad, the ultrasound confirmed that. So nothing that happened before today, has harmed the little one. Going forward, just try and keep mom in a stress free environment.” Turning she spoke to (Y/N), “And like we spoke about last time, light exercise is good, no heavy weights or anything; and sex is fine, I see no problem with that for the two of you.” (Y/N)’s eyes widen; but other than that, she gave no signs that the subject of sex was awkward, all things considered. “As you know in the second trimester, you’ll get some strong hormonal urges; and many women get an increase in sexual drive. This is all normal and since I don’t see any problems; you two should be fine. So, anything else?”

Stunned into silence; all you could do was shake your head no. At least you had the doctor’s go ahead to have sex; now all you needed was (Y/N)’s consent. “Well, if there’s nothing else. We’ll see you both in a couple weeks. Feel free to call in if you have any questions or concerns. You guys take care.” With that she left the room, leaving the door open for you two to follow.

Lips opening, you started to say something, only to be cut off. “Don’t, just don’t say it.” (Y/N) was shaking her head, laughing at you.

“What? I was just going to say that it was amazing that we got to see the baby today.” That was not what you were going to say at all; but it definitely was a good cover.

“It was, wasn’t it?” the two of you continued out the door, making the next appointment for four weeks from now. Thankfully, they were able to schedule a time when you had home games, instead of being on the road. Making your way to the car, you reached for (Y/N)’s hand, grasping it in yours never wanting to let go.

As had become your ritual, you buckled her in and headed down the road; the plan being to take her back to the office and then you could head to the arena for the game. Continuing to hold her hand; her thumb started to caress your knuckles. “So, you got a little emotional in there. You ok?”

“Yeah…I mean I am now. I just didn’t think….” Trailing off, not really knowing how to express all the emotions you felt in that moment. “I mean, when I heard the heartbeat, it all just became really real, ya know.”

“I know what you mean.” Looking over at you to draw your attention; since you were at a stop light, “I’m really glad you came with me today, Ty. I can’t imagine going through today alone. Thank you.” The smile she sent you went straight to your groin; you had been the recipient of it numerous times in the past, but hadn’t seen it in months.

Shifting in your seat, you returned it, “No, thank you for letting me be part of it. You really don’t know what it means to me.”  The light changed colors, shifting your focus back to the road. “And I’m gonna be there at all the next appointments with you. And every other day if you’ll let me.” Kissing her hand, you hoped she would let you inside her heart just a bit more.

Pulling into the parking garage, you got out walking her over to her car. It was killing you to have to leave her yet again; this woman was your all and so much more. “So, is it too much to ask if you’ll be watching me play tonight;” wanting her to be there to cheer you on, was the ultimate goal; but you knew she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it.”

It was at least a start. “Promise me you’ll go home and eat, as well.” The mild panic attack you’d received when the doctor asked to do an ultrasound; had you taking your job as (Y/N)’s new personal pregnancy trainer seriously.

“I will Ty, I promise.”

“Ok good.” Standing there, not wanting to go, but knowing you should be leaving for the game; you waited for (Y/N) to say goodbye first. The upcoming road trip meant five days of not seeing her, and had you reluctant to move.

After a few moments, she shifted closer to your body; and drew you near. The small movement was the opening you’d been waiting for; you reached for her waist pulling her close so that no space separated the two of you. Tilting your head, you bent down touching your lips to hers; as her hands snaked around your neck drawing you further in. A moan escaped her mouth, you seized the opportunity to deepen the kiss; she didn’t resist. You had let her have control the last two times you’d kissed; not wanting to scare her with the need and desire you had coursing through your veins, for her. But this time, this time you didn’t hold back; letting your mouth worship her. Another moan had you wanting to lift her onto the hood of the car and sate your lust for her right then, but time was not your friend today; so you slowed your pace, savoring each sweep of your tongue, as you gently ended the kiss. Breathing heavy like you’d just skated twenty laps; you enveloped (Y/N) into your arms. She’d always felt so perfect there, as if she had been made just for you; needing just one more minute before saying goodbye.

Softly, she pushed herself back, not breaking contact completely. “I’ll miss you Ty. Score one for me, would ya?” Eyes, blinking rapidly from the force her words had taken; you stared down at her. She would ask you that every time you left for a game; now those words meant more than just putting points on the board.

“I’ll do my best babe.” Kissing her one last time, before you released her. “I love you. Take care of our little one.” Caressing her stomach, as you reached for her car door.

She slid into the vehicle, and waited while you buckled her in; closing the door you stepped away as she turned the engine on, pulling out of the parking spot. She stopped then, rolling the window down, “I love you Tyler.” It was soft, but it had your heart soaring above the clouds, and before you knew what happened; you were at the window kissing her one last time before she left.

Elated you made your way to the arena; where you had one of your best games. Scoring not only one, but two goals and racking up an assist; easily making you player of the game. The only drawback were all the interviews afterwards; you had already told yourself; you’d be stopping at (Y/N)’s after the game, just needing to see her one last time. Now, after all this media attention, you were hoping she would still be awake. You’d just drive by and if the light was on in her apartment then you’d stop.

Luckily at the late hour, you could drive slow past the complex, without drawing attention to yourself. The first thing you noticed, was that the lights to the apartment were still on; your heart sped faster at thoughts of seeing (Y/N) again. That was until it just plummeted deep into the ocean, like the damn Titanic. For the second thing that caught your eye was (Y/N) wrapped in another man’s embrace. But it was the third that made you want to grab the man and rip him into shreds; as he leaned forward and kissed the woman you loved.

[nanowrimo]

NaNo Interview: 2019 Theme Designer Georgia Lange

NaNo Prep season has arrived! You may have already seen some of the cool new steampunk-inspired, time travel-themed merch available in our store. Today, we’ve interviewed graphic designer Georgia Nicole Lange about her design process for this project:

Q: When a client comes to you with a concept, what are the steps that you go through to turn that concept into a visual reality?

A: When a client comes to me with a general idea, theme, and/or style, I always have a lot of fun developing the visuals. For NaNoWriMo, when I was told that the team was going for a time travel theme in a steampunk style, I was so excited that I immediately started coming up with concepts and ideas before I even knew I had the job! 

Half of my concepts are done in my head before I start to sketch. Once I have a good idea of what the illustrations will eventually be, I start researching imagery for inspiration and specific details I want to include in the designs. Then I start with loose thumbnail sketches in my sketchbook to give the client an idea of what the concepts are and how I plan to lay out the design. Once a direction is chosen, I start working on the polished sketches on graph vellum. The client will look over the final sketch and request revisions until we have everything exactly where we want it. 

The next step is to choose a specific illustration style (for NaNoWriMo, we settled on a combination of a hand-painted watercolor background with vector ink brushes for the line art). When the style is chosen, I scan the finished sketch and start tracing it out in Illustrator. Many painstaking hours later, the final illustration comes to life.

Q: Do you have any daily drawing/creative habits that help you with your work?

A: Honestly, my most helpful habits when it comes to work are rarely more work. I love to paint; painting time is incredibly important to my personal creative time, but it is rarely a daily habit (I work in oils, so I have to carve out a significant chunk of time during the week to feel like I’m getting anywhere and not just wasting paint). I have also learned over the years how important it is for me not to overwork my hands or my brain. I end up feeling more burned out and far less creative if I try to draw every day. 

I also recently had my first experience of work-related tendonitis, so that also has had an effect on my daily creativity and my awareness of how heavily I’m working. I have found that the best daily habits are hand & wrist exercises, cooking a decent meal, a little gym time, reading, and hot baths. Working as hard as I do when I have a project going, it is just as creatively important to de-stress, rest and take care of myself as it is to practice my skills.

Q: Has there ever been a point (either with this project or another) when you've felt like you've run out of ideas for a design concept? If so, how did you get past that point?

A: This definitely does happen from time to time! “Artist’s Block” can be so incredibly frustrating, especially if you’re under a deadline. In my experience, the best way to get past it is to walk away for a little bit. Take yourself out to lunch, call a friend, take a walk; just get out of your own head for an hour and let the pressure go. I am also 100% pro-siesta; if you can manage it in your work day it works beautifully! 

For me, if I’ve already tried these things and still feel stuck, the best thing to do is just start researching other people’s work. Sometimes my best ideas come from looking at other people’s ideas. All it takes is just one tiny detail in someone else’s drawing that suddenly shakes the cobwebs out of my brain, and then the ideas flow easily again. Sometimes the work is a struggle and you have to really fight for ideas, but other times it just comes completely naturally. When that happens, you feel like a kid; your imagination is limitless.

Georgia Nicole Lange is a freelance illustrator and designer based in Los Angeles. She received her BFA from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago in 2006. After graduating, she continued taking classes in graphic design and started her career working for one of her instructors. Years of experience later, Georgia’s clients have included HBO, Dole, Anolon, and many others. She currently works out of a small studio in Santa Monica where she is always working on something new.