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windfighter Ā· 2 years ago
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Hold the light
Prompt: ā€Iā€™m right here.ā€
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Sun set. The world turned from dim to dark and Kouji stopped. Clenched his hands. He should have started heading home earlier. Should have taken a road where the street lights werenā€™t dead. Steps echoed next to him.
ā€...ā€™niisan?ā€
ā€Yeah, Iā€™m right here.ā€
Kouichi grabbed Koujiā€™s hand. Kouji flinched, then closed his own hand around Kouichiā€™s. He swallowed.
ā€This is the worst.ā€
ā€At least itā€™s not a stair this timeā€, Kouichi said with a laugh. ā€Come on, just follow me.ā€
He tugged at Koujiā€™s hand, started walking. Pressed himself against Koujiā€™s side. Kouji noticed that Kouichi was trying to keep him away from the curb. It was good, Kouji really didnā€™t feel like breaking something again. He squeezed Kouichiā€™s hand and took a few careful steps. Terryfying. Walking in absolute darkness was the literal worst.
ā€I wish I could justā€, Kouji lifted his free hand, ā€snap my fingers and make light happen.ā€
ā€If onlyā€, Kouichi laughed.
Kouji laughed as well. Snapped his fingers. Light flooded the street, Kouichi pulled away, eyes clenched, arms up to block the light. Kouji stared at the white sphere hovering above his hand like a miniature sun.
ā€Turn it off!ā€ Kouichi yelled.
ā€I donā€™t know how to turn it off, youā€™re the one who controls darkness!ā€
ā€I donā€™t control darkness, I can just see in it!ā€
Kouichi pressed his hands against his face. Kouji stared in awe at the area closest to them. It was so clear. Not even daylight made colors that vibrant. Kouichi hissed.
ā€It burns.ā€
Kouji laughed.
ā€What are you, a vampire?ā€
He grabbed one of Kouichiā€™s hands, tugged at it.
ā€Come on, Iā€™m right here, let me lead. Until we figure out how to turn this off.ā€
Kouichi held his other hand over his eyes, his face scrunched up in pain.
ā€Mama and dad are gonna be so freaked out by itā€, he said.
ā€Yeah, weā€™ll cross that bridge when we get homeā€, Kouji said.
He tugged at Kouichi again, put himself between Kouichi and the curb and started leading the way home. Slow, steady steps to make sure Kouichi didnā€™t fall over his own feet. They reach another street, where the lights worked. Koujiā€™s fingers cramped and he clenched his hand.
There was a sizzle and darkness laid thick over them again. He let out a sigh.
ā€Wellā€¦ at least we figured out how to turn it off.ā€
Kouichi opened his eyes, blinked a few times. He looked more at home with the sun gone, more comfortable. The streetlights provided just enough light for Kouji to see where he put his feet. He scratched the back of his head.
ā€Guess I need to update my powerset in the group chat.ā€
He laughed. Kouichi rolled his eyes and started walking. Kouji hurried after him and grabbed his hand.
ā€Donā€™t worry, ā€™niisan. Iā€™m sure youā€™ll get a cool move someday too!ā€
ā€Yeah, probablyā€, Kouichi agreed. ā€At least we donā€™t need to worry about you getting lost in the woods any longer.ā€
Kouji snorted. Being able to summon light would make a lot of things easier for him. And if he could use it to prank the others (and most importantly Kouichi) that was even better!
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cubbihue Ā· 3 months ago
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Peri was very upset about a lot of things that happened. Within a span of a week, he felt like his entire life has changed for the worst!! He had a dumb bulb on his wand, Timmy was still moving away, and he had to go to a school far from everyone he knew!!!
Of course, the cause and trigger of those emotions was Timmy. But Peri canā€™t blame his older brother for any of that. So the next logical conclusion for a small child to reach was to blame his parents instead!!! And boy did he blame a lot on his parents.
Many of Periā€™s actions in his childhood stems from misplaced grief and anger. By the time he was old enough to know better, Peri got a mixture of stubbornness and a bruised ego to admit he was wrong for how he reacted.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [END]
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to-indeed-be-a-godd Ā· 7 months ago
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La Vie en rose
Neil sighed his head beginning to hurt from studying the words against the script, he had practically all his lines memorized except for the few spoken in french, specifically when his character was meant to hold an entire conversation in the language.
ā€œjeā€¦sais..que-que je-ā€œ
he groaned unable to pronounce the words taking a deep breath and repeating them.
ā€œje sais ā€¦que je t'aime..ā€ He said the words finally able to pronounce them as the familiar blond walked into their room raising an eyebrow surprised.
ā€œYou speak french?ā€ Todd asked shyly setting his things down on the bed as Neil sighed toss the script back on his bed.
ā€œI wish, i have to say things in french for this play iā€™m doingā€ the blond made a small o shape with his mouth before taking the book from his desk and playing his walkman as he read, his face focused as a stray piece of hair dangled over his eyes, Neilā€™s fingers burned to tuck the stray strand of hair behind the others ear but held back still reciting the words over and over.
ā€œje sais que je t'aimeā€
Eventually it began rolling off his tongue a bit however his accent was anything but believable as he sighed his headache getting worse each time he repeated his he phrase till finally his roommate set down his book and stood up.
ā€œYou arenā€™t saying it correctly.ā€ He said bluntly looking at Neil before holding his hand out for Neil to give him the script which he handed over.
Todd read it carefully, ā€œje sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisant?ā€ the words rolled off his tongue leaving Neil in a state of shock and completely flustered, as if this boy couldnā€™t get anymore perfect.
ā€œiā€™m sorryā€¦you speak french?!ā€ He stumbled over his words looking at Todd a mix of excitement and shock.
ā€œI learned a bit growing upā€¦ā€ He replied sheepishly handing Neil back the script.
ā€œwait wait so how do you say it?ā€ Neil asked because he needed to know how to pronounce the words and not because his roommate speaking french was the most beautiful thing heā€™d ever heard.
ā€œje sais..ā€ he said waiting for Neil to repeat after him the two following along with the other through each word.
ā€œje sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisantā€ Todd said again and Neil repeated in a good enough way that Todd gave him a proud smile.
ā€œWhat does it mean anyways?ā€ Neil asked curiously noticing the slight blush against the others features, god this boy had Neilā€™s heart doing backflips every second.
ā€œOh..I know i love youā€¦isnā€™t that enough?ā€ He mumbled sitting back down against his bed as Neil thought for a second.
ā€œso i love you is?ā€ he asked knowing how dangerous this game he was playing was but so desperate to hear the words come from the others mouth.
ā€œJe vous aimeā€ Todd said softly his eyes meeting Neilā€™s and oh god Neilā€™s heart might have stopped.
ā€œje vos-ā€œ he tried to say it knowing he was butchering the pronunciation.
ā€œJe vous aimeā€ The blond repeated slower as Neil stepped closer as they both fell into a rhythm of Todd repeating the words as Neil stepped closer trying to mimic it until Neil was practically standing between Toddā€™s legs neither breaking eye contact.
ā€œJe vous aimeā€ Toddā€™s voice was so small practically a whisper that made Neilā€™s heart sing, there was little Neil loved more then acting but for Todd, Neil would give the world for Todd, heā€™d give anything to hear him utter those words once more.
ā€œpuis-je t'embrasser?ā€ Neil had no clue what he had said all he knew it sounded like a question and all he could do was silently nod before he felt soft lips press against his.
It was sweet and soft but desperate and affectionate, like both of them had been wishing for this for an eternity.
Neil was kissing the most beautiful boy he had ever met, and who apparently spoke french.
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maranull Ā· 11 months ago
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Malenia beach episode headcanons?
She'd absolutely wreck everyone at volleyball even without eyes.
She could also show why dexterity is so heavily associated with water ;)
I wonder about your ideas šŸ’•
Sure!
I think she wouldn't swim much in deep water though. Gold doesn't corrode in salt water (says a very quick search) but all the weight of three metal prosthetics would make swimming annoying to say the least.
She does like walking and running around in the swallows though.
She also likes rowing a lot so often she rents a boat and goes along the coast or maybe at some island that's visible from the beach.
The swallows are basically the only place she would accept a wrestling challenge from you (or play along to a surprise attack) cause tossing you around in the water is way safer than a floor.
Though one time she actually send you flying three meters in the air so she toned it down a bit after that.
As you said, she dominates at volleyball. (she casually wins 1v5s)
She's also amazing at Frescobol and will hit insane jumps and dives.
After showering she will theatrically complain about her hair so she can get you to comb them.
While not a fan of clubs (way too much noise), she really enjoys getting a drink and chilling at the beach at night. Just talking and listening to the waves and the faint music from the bar/club/whatever.
If she rented the aforementioned boat overnight, she might take you for nightly boat date.
That's all I got! <3
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faaun Ā· 1 year ago
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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dotthings Ā· 5 days ago
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Andrew Dabb wrote both of these:
Dean: And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know ā€“ it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me ā€“ that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life ā€“ become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and ā€“ and ā€“ and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra ā€“ that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get.
8.14, Trial and Error *
Dean: You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.
Sam: You talking about retiring? You?
Dean: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.
13.23 Let the Good Times Roll
And yet people wonder why I thought Dean was going to subvert his own outdated grim self-prophecy, when canon showed growth and development on his arc toward hope.
Like.
That 2nd speech happened. It's canon. And Dean grew over the course of the series.
I did not pull that hope out of my ass because I don't "get" SPN.
Dabb and Singer set their trap and I ate the cheese and they sprung the trap. Perhaps the hope was there just to make it hurt worse, to make us feel (because sometimes creatives lose sight of the fact there is more than one way to make people feel) when that grim prophecy got fulfilled instead of being overturned.
Anyway Dean's story isn't over. *raises glass* Here's to the revival. No, I don't expect any retcons. Heaven storyline's not going away. But something more fulfilling than what aired for the series finale, I can go for that.
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dbphantom Ā· 6 months ago
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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pumpkinsouppe Ā· 1 year ago
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I havenā€™t played all of AA4 yet but I was thinking a lot about how uneasy the first case made me feel (in a good way) and I finally figured out why. (AA 4-1 spoilers btw) Part of it of course is the overall scheme: what happened 7 years ago and what are the answers to all these unresolved questions. But I genuinely donā€™t think Iā€™ve seen a more accurate depiction of how I experienced GAD and social anxiety than I have with Apollo Justice.
Thankfully, I have learned to stand up for myself and Iā€™ve controlled the majority of my anxiety but I can very clearly see that Apollo has not done that, at least yet. I am hoping hoping hoping we get to see him grow in this game because I know that AA5 and 6 wonā€™t do that justice (lol). All throughout the first case, Apollo rarely spoke for himself. He was very much a follower and wanted approval, ergo he was very easy to manipulate. Kristoph and Phoenix both recognized this about him and were able to both use Apollo as their own puppets. He followed Kristophā€™s orders whenever he gave them (ā€˜expose phoenixā€™s liesā€™ ā€˜donā€™t embarrass meā€™) but he also was very willing to follow Phoenixā€™s orders too (ā€˜point on the map for usā€™ ā€˜name the fourth person/killerā€™ ā€˜accuse Kristophā€™). He followed who he thought was seeking the truth but he had to be told that doing these actions was for the truth.
I never was manipulated in court like Apollo experienced, but I was VERY quick to abandon plans for something else or act in ways if someone told me to. I remember sometimes even saying yes to things that made me super uncomfortable because I didnā€™t think for myself and didnā€™t want to disappoint or make anyone mad. And you can tell that Apollo really looked up to both Kristoph and Phoenix in that trial. He wasnā€™t sure who to believe so he followed both simultaneously until at the end when he realized both were assholes. I LOVE the unease I felt during the first case. It felt so real to me how Apollo was able to be so easily manipulated and how that was able to be used as a very interesting way to set up a new game and protagonist.
Itā€™s amplified especially if you played all the past Phoenix Wright games. Hell, I finished PLvsPW an hour before picking up AA4 and that really influenced how much I wanted to also follow and believe Phoenix. So I absolutely love how this trial was used not only to play with the heart and mind of Apollo, but the players as well. Thereā€™s less reason to follow Kristoph since the players donā€™t have the same bond Kristoph and Apollo have since this was our first time meeting him, but because heā€™s our boss and heā€™s standing at the defense with us like Mia has, that adds to his credibility. Which is even better that Phoenix took Kristophā€™s spot behind the defense bench when Kristoph was summoned to the stand. ā€œDonā€™t believe that other guy, look at where he is now. Believe me instead, the person who just left that same spot.ā€ You want to believe him, itā€™s Phoenix Wright! Teaching us the ways just like Mia. But what heā€™s actually done is replace Kristoph as the supposed voice of reason in Apolloā€™s ear. Yes thatā€™s the spot for mentors, but does every mentor have your best intentions in mind? Are you able to distinguish genuine advice versus motivated advice?
I am truly fascinated and captivated by the writing. You can tell how much Shu Takumi has grown as a writer compared to the original AA1. I am so excited to play the rest of this game.
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bambino1294 Ā· 7 months ago
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@gabichanwritesā€™ recent reread comment single-handedly making me open up the Floriography document again
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clovariia Ā· 1 year ago
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"someone new"
šŸ’ wendy testaburger x kenny mccormick (kendy)
šŸ’ 1.4k words
šŸ’ i wrote this fic and drew this art for my wonderful girlfriend @lesbuoyant's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHYME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! šŸ„³šŸŽ‚šŸŽ‰
šŸ”—Ā https://archiveofourown.org/works/51529138
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cookinguptales Ā· 1 year ago
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I'm dying, I had another fandom breakup several years ago where I also poured my frustration into a deeply pornographic fic.
The main differences are:
different fandom, obviously
this was actually one of the last fics I ever wrote for that fandom, it really was a kiss off. the only fics I posted after it were just me finishing up some prior obligations.
I actually wrote it and posted it, as opposed to the pornographic vent fic I was writing for wwdits that I set aside for now.
I APPARENTLY POSTED IT TO TUMBLR FIRST?
I know this because someone just reblogged it (and said some really kind things, thank you ;;) and I had completely forgotten that I'd been so deep in my fit of pique that I was like "well this is vent fic that I wrote to cope with my frustration towards canon, not REAL fic, so I should post it to tumblr, not AO3."
At first I was just laughing over the sheer timing of it all, someone digging up this ancient post with like 25 notes from many years ago the exact same week that I'm having angst over the fandom I replaced the old one with, but then I actually clicked on the post in my notifications and was like.
wait.
did I.... post a sixteen-thousand-word fic to tumblr?
I DID. AND PEOPLE READ IT??? like that's the fucking wild part, that people were willing to sit down and read a fucking sixteen-thousand-word fic under a read more on tumblr. people were so strong back then.
(thankfully, I was convinced to crosspost it to AO3 a few days later, which actually made the fucker readable.)
the sheer ridiculousness of my tantrum (and my weird internal classification for what fic "deserved" to be on AO3 vs. what should just quietly be forgotten on tumblr) has me laughing. which I think was actually kind of needed, haha. we all need to laugh at our own fandom angst sometimes.
if I do end up finishing and posting the wwdits ventfic, I promise I'll actually post it on AO3. lmao
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no-where-new-hero Ā· 3 months ago
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i've been contentedly pot-boiling for most of this year and accepting the fact that now is just not the time for novels, but last night i actually had an idea for something long-form again, maybe this will be the thing that turns me around?
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candyn-gutz Ā· 1 year ago
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i cant. stop crying again
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uroborosymphony Ā· 2 years ago
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#9
Ilana & Bohyun.
#9 THINGS YOU DIDNT SAY AT ALL. FROM THINGS YOU SAID ā¬© Still accepting.
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"I saw you Darling, from the other side of the street as the rain was hitting the tarmac, that one lonely night in Paris. You were waiting, as dashing and perseverant as ever, in the midnight. How long have you been waiting, I wondered. Two hours? Three? I simply wanted to run, to keep on running. Yet. Our conversations in the night made me slow down, made me stay in the city a little longer than I should have. I was in trouble, a runaway. And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could take you away with me. You would have come, yes? To run in the streets of Barcelona, to dance in Andalucia, to get lost in Roma, to dive in the greek islands of the Mediteranean sea." A slow smile dances on her lips as she sways her head to the side, her long silken hair caressing her exposed shoulders as the smoke is escaping from her mouth, a cigarette stuck in between her fingers as she was sitting at the edge of the grand piano." I saw it in your eyes. That fanaticism you speak in the pages you wrote of me. You turned me into art, a painting on the walls of your mind, a psalm by the edge of your lips simply by the way you were looking at me. And I thought... What could I make of him? How deep can I burry my spells under his skin without him not even knowing my name like this?" A devilish light in her eye dances, sensual, dark, her leg crossing slowly above the other, as the tip of her heel in the air, her curves in a black dress, under the dim lights of the Black Velvet. "I wanted to be a God. You silently offered to make one of me." The place is silent, empty, only the velvet of the couches and the golden of the walls surrounding them in this sulty, intimate, felt atmosphere. "I turned my back on you, I never opened that door, knowing it's only the Devil you would meet if you ever seized me by the waist. I knew the life waiting for you would give you everything Love, unlike me who, would have taken everything away from you ; for you to worship me, and only Me. My hands around your neck in Barcelona, the taste of my poison on your lips in Andalucia, my knives against your skin in Roma, to let my inner demons down you in the Mediterranean sea,
Would I have remained your muse, still?"
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willowfey Ā· 2 years ago
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ignore this i just wanna ramble in the tags for a sec iā€™ll probably delete it in a bit šŸ¤Ŗ
#did an escape room with the fam on my sisterā€™s birthday two days ago and my brother made me feel stupid the entire time#wouldnā€™t listen to me wouldnā€™t share or let me help and then act like i wasnā€™t helping (??? let me then)#and because heā€™s Loud my whole family was following his lead and ignoring me#but in the end i was the reason we won bc i was the only one who immediately understood the word riddles AND the one who wrote down#all the numbers he said we wouldnā€™t need. i was the only one who could connect the past information with the current problem#the only one who listened fully to the cd and decided to write down the locations without it being relevant yet#the only one who thought the tiny details might be relevant and the only one who automatically fixed his mistakes bc i noticed a pattern#and in the end still got no credit for anything (except from my mom) even tho if they had listened to me from the beginning they wouldā€™ve#been less stressed and finished sooner#then at the restaurant he didnā€™t listen to me again and we ordered too much even tho i told him we wouldnā€™t need it#THEN after dinner my grandma started texting me all frustrated telling me i need to keep my aunt updated on whatā€™s happening thru the day#so she doesnā€™t feel left out. bc sheā€™s having a rough time lately. bc itā€™s my job to make everyone feel better#FIRST of all this woman ignored me for years when her ex husband decided i wasnā€™t worth it#and now suddenly itā€™s my job to keep u informed on my every move so u donā€™t feel left out?? text me urself. ask what iā€™m doing.#ask HOW iā€™m doing??? do u even care beyond a ā€˜what colour is your sturdiness today namasteā€™#every time my aunt complains about the tiniest thing and starts crying about it it my grandma blames everyone else#no one even knows or cares if iā€™m having a rough time#she came to ā€˜helpā€™ when my mom was sick and i did everything for her instead. and then she threw a fit when i wouldnā€™t eat her salad#when i was too exhausted from staying up all night with my mother to go on a run with her the next day#my mom finally got mad at her for implying iā€™m lazy all the time and told her iā€™m ā€˜neurodiverseā€™ and do things my own way and she didnā€™t#even know what that meant so my mom was like ā€˜on the spectrum ā€˜ and my aunt just got mad that she had never told her#would it have made a difference at all? would u have expected different from me?#meanwhile iā€™ve done so much for my cousinā€¦ including taking care of luca the entire time she stayed with us. i had him all the time#i didnā€™t mind. i love that kid more than anything. but everyone expects everything from me like itā€™s just a given#i talked her through every problem every breakdown walked on eggshells to keep her happy and then what does she do when she leaves?#ignores me. doesnā€™t come back when she said she would. complains that i donā€™t include her in things#bc sometimes i have quiet conversations with my sister so i donā€™t bother everyone#and then gg wants to know why i wonā€™t come see her? why i wonā€™t drop everything to fly there? my aunt wants to know why i donā€™t call?#because despite loving me u have made me feel inadequate my whole life. some of u more than others#and iā€™m tired. and itā€™s time for me to Be me For me without justifying it to everyone else.
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nerdie-faerie Ā· 2 years ago
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Me: okay maybe I should finally dig out my wall calendar as I'm having trouble keeping track of extended family's birthdays
Me, while redoing said calendar because it's messy: why are there so many birthdays in may and july? it's just considerate
#Demon Spawn#+Extra#theres too many fcking family members and i kept forgetting where id put and to check the diary my mum had filled out with extended family#birthdays but there are birthdays missing from that! she just completely decided against putting any of my dads family but put my aunts#fiancĆ© down as my uncle which um excuse me hes not my uncle until marriage and the guy that was my uncle has also been snubbed cus of the#divorce! theres family politics going down in my diary. my cousin on my dads sides birthday isnt in there and my mum is always late with#birthdays so shell only tell me after its passed which is not helpful. my mum has also had another child since she filled out so she needed#to be added but her birthday is the same month but a couple of days before another siblings so it wouldnt have been chronologically correct#to just add her but my may box is very full. its very stressful to look at theres no need for that many people to be born in may and july#i have a real problem with remembering things that are written down but i cant see. like we had to have a homework journal for school and#i always forgot when i had homework..... because i would forget to check my journal.... my teachers would be like didnt you write it down?#and even when it was written down it didnt help i need to be unable to avoid seeing it it just needs to be out in the open always visible#anyway i was gonna finally put my photos up instead i wrote up my deadlines to put on my notice board and finally filled out ny organisers#which i unpacked in December buried on my shelf and then promptly forgot about because i didnt want to clean off the old whiteboard pen šŸ™ƒ#im so useless i want a new brain#at least its done now. better late than never and constantly suffering for it
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