#so we finally wrote it instead
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Hold the light
Prompt: āIām right here.ā
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Sun set. The world turned from dim to dark and Kouji stopped. Clenched his hands. He should have started heading home earlier. Should have taken a road where the street lights werenāt dead. Steps echoed next to him.
ā...āniisan?ā
āYeah, Iām right here.ā
Kouichi grabbed Koujiās hand. Kouji flinched, then closed his own hand around Kouichiās. He swallowed.
āThis is the worst.ā
āAt least itās not a stair this timeā, Kouichi said with a laugh. āCome on, just follow me.ā
He tugged at Koujiās hand, started walking. Pressed himself against Koujiās side. Kouji noticed that Kouichi was trying to keep him away from the curb. It was good, Kouji really didnāt feel like breaking something again. He squeezed Kouichiās hand and took a few careful steps. Terryfying. Walking in absolute darkness was the literal worst.
āI wish I could justā, Kouji lifted his free hand, āsnap my fingers and make light happen.ā
āIf onlyā, Kouichi laughed.
Kouji laughed as well. Snapped his fingers. Light flooded the street, Kouichi pulled away, eyes clenched, arms up to block the light. Kouji stared at the white sphere hovering above his hand like a miniature sun.
āTurn it off!ā Kouichi yelled.
āI donāt know how to turn it off, youāre the one who controls darkness!ā
āI donāt control darkness, I can just see in it!ā
Kouichi pressed his hands against his face. Kouji stared in awe at the area closest to them. It was so clear. Not even daylight made colors that vibrant. Kouichi hissed.
āIt burns.ā
Kouji laughed.
āWhat are you, a vampire?ā
He grabbed one of Kouichiās hands, tugged at it.
āCome on, Iām right here, let me lead. Until we figure out how to turn this off.ā
Kouichi held his other hand over his eyes, his face scrunched up in pain.
āMama and dad are gonna be so freaked out by itā, he said.
āYeah, weāll cross that bridge when we get homeā, Kouji said.
He tugged at Kouichi again, put himself between Kouichi and the curb and started leading the way home. Slow, steady steps to make sure Kouichi didnāt fall over his own feet. They reach another street, where the lights worked. Koujiās fingers cramped and he clenched his hand.
There was a sizzle and darkness laid thick over them again. He let out a sigh.
āWellā¦ at least we figured out how to turn it off.ā
Kouichi opened his eyes, blinked a few times. He looked more at home with the sun gone, more comfortable. The streetlights provided just enough light for Kouji to see where he put his feet. He scratched the back of his head.
āGuess I need to update my powerset in the group chat.ā
He laughed. Kouichi rolled his eyes and started walking. Kouji hurried after him and grabbed his hand.
āDonāt worry, āniisan. Iām sure youāll get a cool move someday too!ā
āYeah, probablyā, Kouichi agreed. āAt least we donāt need to worry about you getting lost in the woods any longer.ā
Kouji snorted. Being able to summon light would make a lot of things easier for him. And if he could use it to prank the others (and most importantly Kouichi) that was even better!
#windy writes#whumpril2023#digimon frontier#lights out au#kouji minamoto#kouichi kimura#I've been wanting to draw this forever but I don't feel like I have the skills for it#so we finally wrote it instead#we're light on the whump today#I'm blame being sick#anyway Kouji finally gets a power except 'lousy nightvision'#now we just need to give Kouichi one as well#yes it'll probably be the same but inverted#what do you even do with darkness#I have another idea that I gave him for another AU#so we'll see what I do here#anyway yeah#hope you enjoyed this monstrosity brought to you by fever and headaches :3#i'm off to die a little until I feel better or it is tomorrow and I need to do the next prompt x3
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Peri was very upset about a lot of things that happened. Within a span of a week, he felt like his entire life has changed for the worst!! He had a dumb bulb on his wand, Timmy was still moving away, and he had to go to a school far from everyone he knew!!!
Of course, the cause and trigger of those emotions was Timmy. But Peri canāt blame his older brother for any of that. So the next logical conclusion for a small child to reach was to blame his parents instead!!! And boy did he blame a lot on his parents.
Many of Periās actions in his childhood stems from misplaced grief and anger. By the time he was old enough to know better, Peri got a mixture of stubbornness and a bruised ego to admit he was wrong for how he reacted.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [END]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop peri#peri#fop irep#irep#asks#itty bitties fop au#one of peri and timmy's many shared promises was that peri ONLY wrote to timmy. CosWan were NOT allowed to see them or call him or talk or-#anyways if ur wondering why timmy was peri's primary guardian this is why#peri /had/ a lot of low contact form his parents. which just made them even MORE clingy when they did get to see him.#timmy worked hard to keep his promises to his little brother#even if it meant letting Peri spend the summers with AC and Irep instead of at CosWan's place#(timmy was the one who urged his parents to go on their honeymoon as a result. to help. yknow. distract them from it all)#also yaaayyy yipiee!!#11 whole parts!!! just for. just for 6 or so asks.#OTL#god i hope i can speed things up now#there shouldnt be any more mini stories until i reach the end of the inbox#so we can finally FINALLY get back to the present with chimmy moving and timmy dealing with HazDev
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La Vie en rose
Neil sighed his head beginning to hurt from studying the words against the script, he had practically all his lines memorized except for the few spoken in french, specifically when his character was meant to hold an entire conversation in the language.
ājeā¦sais..que-que je-ā
he groaned unable to pronounce the words taking a deep breath and repeating them.
āje sais ā¦que je t'aime..ā He said the words finally able to pronounce them as the familiar blond walked into their room raising an eyebrow surprised.
āYou speak french?ā Todd asked shyly setting his things down on the bed as Neil sighed toss the script back on his bed.
āI wish, i have to say things in french for this play iām doingā the blond made a small o shape with his mouth before taking the book from his desk and playing his walkman as he read, his face focused as a stray piece of hair dangled over his eyes, Neilās fingers burned to tuck the stray strand of hair behind the others ear but held back still reciting the words over and over.
āje sais que je t'aimeā
Eventually it began rolling off his tongue a bit however his accent was anything but believable as he sighed his headache getting worse each time he repeated his he phrase till finally his roommate set down his book and stood up.
āYou arenāt saying it correctly.ā He said bluntly looking at Neil before holding his hand out for Neil to give him the script which he handed over.
Todd read it carefully, āje sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisant?ā the words rolled off his tongue leaving Neil in a state of shock and completely flustered, as if this boy couldnāt get anymore perfect.
āiām sorryā¦you speak french?!ā He stumbled over his words looking at Todd a mix of excitement and shock.
āI learned a bit growing upā¦ā He replied sheepishly handing Neil back the script.
āwait wait so how do you say it?ā Neil asked because he needed to know how to pronounce the words and not because his roommate speaking french was the most beautiful thing heād ever heard.
āje sais..ā he said waiting for Neil to repeat after him the two following along with the other through each word.
āje sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisantā Todd said again and Neil repeated in a good enough way that Todd gave him a proud smile.
āWhat does it mean anyways?ā Neil asked curiously noticing the slight blush against the others features, god this boy had Neilās heart doing backflips every second.
āOh..I know i love youā¦isnāt that enough?ā He mumbled sitting back down against his bed as Neil thought for a second.
āso i love you is?ā he asked knowing how dangerous this game he was playing was but so desperate to hear the words come from the others mouth.
āJe vous aimeā Todd said softly his eyes meeting Neilās and oh god Neilās heart might have stopped.
āje vos-ā he tried to say it knowing he was butchering the pronunciation.
āJe vous aimeā The blond repeated slower as Neil stepped closer as they both fell into a rhythm of Todd repeating the words as Neil stepped closer trying to mimic it until Neil was practically standing between Toddās legs neither breaking eye contact.
āJe vous aimeā Toddās voice was so small practically a whisper that made Neilās heart sing, there was little Neil loved more then acting but for Todd, Neil would give the world for Todd, heād give anything to hear him utter those words once more.
āpuis-je t'embrasser?ā Neil had no clue what he had said all he knew it sounded like a question and all he could do was silently nod before he felt soft lips press against his.
It was sweet and soft but desperate and affectionate, like both of them had been wishing for this for an eternity.
Neil was kissing the most beautiful boy he had ever met, and who apparently spoke french.
#fanfic#fluff#oneshot#anderperry#todd anderson#neil perry#the gays#mlm#todd anderson is french?!?!#how do i tag this#decided to finally post my writing#based on a song#la vie en rose#this songs has been stuck in my brain for DAYS#i will die for them#no beta we die like neil perry#gay french boy#i wrote this instead of sleeping#iām so sorry if this is bad#dead poets society
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Malenia beach episode headcanons?
She'd absolutely wreck everyone at volleyball even without eyes.
She could also show why dexterity is so heavily associated with water ;)
I wonder about your ideas š
Sure!
I think she wouldn't swim much in deep water though. Gold doesn't corrode in salt water (says a very quick search) but all the weight of three metal prosthetics would make swimming annoying to say the least.
She does like walking and running around in the swallows though.
She also likes rowing a lot so often she rents a boat and goes along the coast or maybe at some island that's visible from the beach.
The swallows are basically the only place she would accept a wrestling challenge from you (or play along to a surprise attack) cause tossing you around in the water is way safer than a floor.
Though one time she actually send you flying three meters in the air so she toned it down a bit after that.
As you said, she dominates at volleyball. (she casually wins 1v5s)
She's also amazing at Frescobol and will hit insane jumps and dives.
After showering she will theatrically complain about her hair so she can get you to comb them.
While not a fan of clubs (way too much noise), she really enjoys getting a drink and chilling at the beach at night. Just talking and listening to the waves and the faint music from the bar/club/whatever.
If she rented the aforementioned boat overnight, she might take you for nightly boat date.
That's all I got! <3
#out of all the x reader with mal that i've wrote#i think i like this the most cause i do actually want to be thrown three meters up in the air#why climb rocks to dive from when you can get tossed around by superhuman gf??#me? projecting in a mal x reader instead of just meli's??? apparently more likely than i thought#alsox2 frescobol is a thing in greece as well and i never knew how it was called in english until today (we just call it āracketsā)#so that was neat to finally figure out#elden ring#x reader#headcanons#malenia blade of miquella#asks
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Andrew Dabb wrote both of these:
Dean: And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know ā it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me ā that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life ā become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and ā and ā and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra ā that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get.
8.14, Trial and Error *
Dean: You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.
Sam: You talking about retiring? You?
Dean: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.
13.23 Let the Good Times Roll
And yet people wonder why I thought Dean was going to subvert his own outdated grim self-prophecy, when canon showed growth and development on his arc toward hope.
Like.
That 2nd speech happened. It's canon. And Dean grew over the course of the series.
I did not pull that hope out of my ass because I don't "get" SPN.
Dabb and Singer set their trap and I ate the cheese and they sprung the trap. Perhaps the hope was there just to make it hurt worse, to make us feel (because sometimes creatives lose sight of the fact there is more than one way to make people feel) when that grim prophecy got fulfilled instead of being overturned.
Anyway Dean's story isn't over. *raises glass* Here's to the revival. No, I don't expect any retcons. Heaven storyline's not going away. But something more fulfilling than what aired for the series finale, I can go for that.
#Dean Winchester#dot rewatched spn#it's just. so lovely how some people hate Dean fans and hate Dean so much they have to pretend we're insane#that we had no reason to think Dean would get...y'know...a decent ending instead of whatever that was#not just that he died the how the tone and framing the baited trap of false hope that still makes me feral about it in a not fun way#the speech Dabb wrote for Dean in the finale was terrible i've posted meta on why#and i know external factors butchered the finale but Dabb and Singer still kept the major strokes of the plan#haven't changed my mind on these feelings in the 4 years since the series finale aired the revival is the only way through#anyway had to get that out of my system i knew Trial and Error rewatch would do this to me can't be helped#dean meta
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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I havenāt played all of AA4 yet but I was thinking a lot about how uneasy the first case made me feel (in a good way) and I finally figured out why. (AA 4-1 spoilers btw) Part of it of course is the overall scheme: what happened 7 years ago and what are the answers to all these unresolved questions. But I genuinely donāt think Iāve seen a more accurate depiction of how I experienced GAD and social anxiety than I have with Apollo Justice.
Thankfully, I have learned to stand up for myself and Iāve controlled the majority of my anxiety but I can very clearly see that Apollo has not done that, at least yet. I am hoping hoping hoping we get to see him grow in this game because I know that AA5 and 6 wonāt do that justice (lol). All throughout the first case, Apollo rarely spoke for himself. He was very much a follower and wanted approval, ergo he was very easy to manipulate. Kristoph and Phoenix both recognized this about him and were able to both use Apollo as their own puppets. He followed Kristophās orders whenever he gave them (āexpose phoenixās liesā ādonāt embarrass meā) but he also was very willing to follow Phoenixās orders too (āpoint on the map for usā āname the fourth person/killerā āaccuse Kristophā). He followed who he thought was seeking the truth but he had to be told that doing these actions was for the truth.
I never was manipulated in court like Apollo experienced, but I was VERY quick to abandon plans for something else or act in ways if someone told me to. I remember sometimes even saying yes to things that made me super uncomfortable because I didnāt think for myself and didnāt want to disappoint or make anyone mad. And you can tell that Apollo really looked up to both Kristoph and Phoenix in that trial. He wasnāt sure who to believe so he followed both simultaneously until at the end when he realized both were assholes. I LOVE the unease I felt during the first case. It felt so real to me how Apollo was able to be so easily manipulated and how that was able to be used as a very interesting way to set up a new game and protagonist.
Itās amplified especially if you played all the past Phoenix Wright games. Hell, I finished PLvsPW an hour before picking up AA4 and that really influenced how much I wanted to also follow and believe Phoenix. So I absolutely love how this trial was used not only to play with the heart and mind of Apollo, but the players as well. Thereās less reason to follow Kristoph since the players donāt have the same bond Kristoph and Apollo have since this was our first time meeting him, but because heās our boss and heās standing at the defense with us like Mia has, that adds to his credibility. Which is even better that Phoenix took Kristophās spot behind the defense bench when Kristoph was summoned to the stand. āDonāt believe that other guy, look at where he is now. Believe me instead, the person who just left that same spot.ā You want to believe him, itās Phoenix Wright! Teaching us the ways just like Mia. But what heās actually done is replace Kristoph as the supposed voice of reason in Apolloās ear. Yes thatās the spot for mentors, but does every mentor have your best intentions in mind? Are you able to distinguish genuine advice versus motivated advice?
I am truly fascinated and captivated by the writing. You can tell how much Shu Takumi has grown as a writer compared to the original AA1. I am so excited to play the rest of this game.
#I havenāt written smth like this in a while fhdjlaf and itās all been TLOZ related in the past#like damn what a killer opening#i am soooo sad that we dont actually have a true Apollo justice trilogy i would do anything for more of this#and more of this i mean a story centered on Apollo with this level of writing lmao#i wrote this whole thing instead of working on my sop my god#also worth mentioning is I love how anxiety is displayed differently between Phoenix Apollo and ryunosuke#esp between ryuu and Apollo where one is very unsure of his abilities to defend but listens to his heart vs the other who#is more confident in his ability but struggles to form his own opinion#UHG i love these games so much I am so glad I finally got aroudn to playing them#ace attorney#Apollo justice
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@gabichanwritesā recent reread comment single-handedly making me open up the Floriography document again
#bam writes#floriography#not to put you on blast queen I just love your comments#needed you to know#also yes this is a āIām working on the next chapterā post#have been for like 10 months but here we are#nearly had it done in January and then the brain went āhmmmā¦ but what if we wrote it again insteadā#so hopefully this is the final draft of this chapter#blooming#forgot to tag my own series lol#out here forcing myself not to rewatch season 3 yet#because if I do itās all Iāll think about and Iāll never get this transition chapter finished
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"someone new"
š wendy testaburger x kenny mccormick (kendy)
š 1.4k words
š i wrote this fic and drew this art for my wonderful girlfriend @lesbuoyant's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHYME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! š„³šš
šĀ https://archiveofourown.org/works/51529138
#south park#wendy testaburger#kenny mccormick#kendy#sp kendy#my art#my writing#this is the epitome of āi wrote this for specifically only one person but i guess other people are allowed to read it tooā#this is so niche and hyperspecific LMAO#LOOK AT ME...I'M FINALLY POSTING AN ACTUALLY NEW FIC AGAIN INSTEAD OF SOMETHING I WROTE MONTHS AGO#we are...as the youths would say...so back
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I'm dying, I had another fandom breakup several years ago where I also poured my frustration into a deeply pornographic fic.
The main differences are:
different fandom, obviously
this was actually one of the last fics I ever wrote for that fandom, it really was a kiss off. the only fics I posted after it were just me finishing up some prior obligations.
I actually wrote it and posted it, as opposed to the pornographic vent fic I was writing for wwdits that I set aside for now.
I APPARENTLY POSTED IT TO TUMBLR FIRST?
I know this because someone just reblogged it (and said some really kind things, thank you ;;) and I had completely forgotten that I'd been so deep in my fit of pique that I was like "well this is vent fic that I wrote to cope with my frustration towards canon, not REAL fic, so I should post it to tumblr, not AO3."
At first I was just laughing over the sheer timing of it all, someone digging up this ancient post with like 25 notes from many years ago the exact same week that I'm having angst over the fandom I replaced the old one with, but then I actually clicked on the post in my notifications and was like.
wait.
did I.... post a sixteen-thousand-word fic to tumblr?
I DID. AND PEOPLE READ IT??? like that's the fucking wild part, that people were willing to sit down and read a fucking sixteen-thousand-word fic under a read more on tumblr. people were so strong back then.
(thankfully, I was convinced to crosspost it to AO3 a few days later, which actually made the fucker readable.)
the sheer ridiculousness of my tantrum (and my weird internal classification for what fic "deserved" to be on AO3 vs. what should just quietly be forgotten on tumblr) has me laughing. which I think was actually kind of needed, haha. we all need to laugh at our own fandom angst sometimes.
if I do end up finishing and posting the wwdits ventfic, I promise I'll actually post it on AO3. lmao
#writing liveblogging#kind of wild how my nandermo sex pollen/potion fic morphed over the course of the season in my head#from a silly 'oh we thought we were dosed with sex pollen so we've been fucking for two weeks but it actually wore off after an hour' fic#to a fic about what you do when you realize the truth about your relationship#and what it means to hold a secret that will destroy everything you love#(i.e. mirroring Guillermo finding out they've been fucking because they're into each other not because they were drugged#and the vampire bite secret)#and finally becoming a fic about struggling to forgive someone who wronged you even if they didn't mean to#and how knowing what you don't want isn't the same thing as knowing what you do want#and ultimately a lot of makeup sex#and a relationship that is severely damaged but perhaps salvageable#I HAVE GROWN... AND SO HAS THIS FIC... lmao#but I realized I was just stressing myself out more so instead I drank some pumpkin beer and wrote meta for another show#and downloaded phoenix wright#and here we are#maybe I'll finish it once I've chilled out some and maybe I won't#that's life I guess
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i've been contentedly pot-boiling for most of this year and accepting the fact that now is just not the time for novels, but last night i actually had an idea for something long-form again, maybe this will be the thing that turns me around?
#storytime: the year before i went to college i wrote a novel and during college i shopped it around trying to get an agent#and i like to think i got suuuuper super close (a full request and an R&R; the agent and her assistant sounded very interested)#and then they were just like--nope sorry never mind! hope the extra work we made you do on that r&r was worth it!#and that was all the response i got after they made me wait a year to hear back which like. in hindsight i should have seen the signs#but i realize now that was a huge reason of why my confidence got so shattered subsequently because no one else was requesting#so i tried working on another project instead which i still enjoy; it's just not cooking properly and it's not debut material#so i'm glad to finally have something new to play around with#i was starting to think all my ideas were drying up and i'd never be inspired again#blake's last braincell#writing life
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i cant. stop crying again
#vent in tags#they finally returned my mom's stuff after almost one and a half years and i'm reading through her journal#they have this fucking. medicinal smell on them because of the things they used to find out fingerprints#its so bad#i always keep trying to tell myself there's nothing i could've done but i cant help it#i knew she wasnt at her best i knew she was struggling but we talked all the time i thought things were getting better for her#she wrote how it was just me and her and that we had nothing else like a few days before she died#i was busy studying that evening i wish i hadspent it with her instead
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#9
Ilana & Bohyun.
#9 THINGS YOU DIDNT SAY AT ALL. FROM THINGS YOU SAID ā¬© Still accepting.
"I saw you Darling, from the other side of the street as the rain was hitting the tarmac, that one lonely night in Paris. You were waiting, as dashing and perseverant as ever, in the midnight. How long have you been waiting, I wondered. Two hours? Three? I simply wanted to run, to keep on running. Yet. Our conversations in the night made me slow down, made me stay in the city a little longer than I should have. I was in trouble, a runaway. And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could take you away with me. You would have come, yes? To run in the streets of Barcelona, to dance in Andalucia, to get lost in Roma, to dive in the greek islands of the Mediteranean sea." A slow smile dances on her lips as she sways her head to the side, her long silken hair caressing her exposed shoulders as the smoke is escaping from her mouth, a cigarette stuck in between her fingers as she was sitting at the edge of the grand piano." I saw it in your eyes. That fanaticism you speak in the pages you wrote of me. You turned me into art, a painting on the walls of your mind, a psalm by the edge of your lips simply by the way you were looking at me. And I thought... What could I make of him? How deep can I burry my spells under his skin without him not even knowing my name like this?" A devilish light in her eye dances, sensual, dark, her leg crossing slowly above the other, as the tip of her heel in the air, her curves in a black dress, under the dim lights of the Black Velvet. "I wanted to be a God. You silently offered to make one of me." The place is silent, empty, only the velvet of the couches and the golden of the walls surrounding them in this sulty, intimate, felt atmosphere. "I turned my back on you, I never opened that door, knowing it's only the Devil you would meet if you ever seized me by the waist. I knew the life waiting for you would give you everything Love, unlike me who, would have taken everything away from you ; for you to worship me, and only Me. My hands around your neck in Barcelona, the taste of my poison on your lips in Andalucia, my knives against your skin in Roma, to let my inner demons down you in the Mediterranean sea,
Would I have remained your muse, still?"
#HI THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING#As a reminder this is a revamped version of the Ilana you knew :)#I erased all events and relationships from 2022/from t** to make room for new connections and new plots - especially now with her daughter#I strictly and only keep the connetions from t** to muses who showed interest in her here on Tumblr - 4 people and you're one of them#Ilana in this revamp is older too - instead of 28 - she is 31#I LOVEDDDD the chapter about Ilana in his book - this one stays their very first time meeting - before she gives birth to Luna#I also keep the interactions that followed - them meeting again in Seoul years later - exhanging moments and poetry and meals like we wrote#For this meme I pictured a scene where he would come to find her at the Black Velvet - the bar she sings at - after his book got published#She read it of course and so#she says this : things she didnt say at all back in paris or even after#Now that I finally get to Fully write this muse on Tumblr I'm finally satisfied and I find her even more complex and touching than before#And I find the Author/Old muse relationship fascinating#ģ¼ ššššš ššš / the songstress.#ģ¼ ššššš ššš / interactions.
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ignore this i just wanna ramble in the tags for a sec iāll probably delete it in a bit š¤Ŗ
#did an escape room with the fam on my sisterās birthday two days ago and my brother made me feel stupid the entire time#wouldnāt listen to me wouldnāt share or let me help and then act like i wasnāt helping (??? let me then)#and because heās Loud my whole family was following his lead and ignoring me#but in the end i was the reason we won bc i was the only one who immediately understood the word riddles AND the one who wrote down#all the numbers he said we wouldnāt need. i was the only one who could connect the past information with the current problem#the only one who listened fully to the cd and decided to write down the locations without it being relevant yet#the only one who thought the tiny details might be relevant and the only one who automatically fixed his mistakes bc i noticed a pattern#and in the end still got no credit for anything (except from my mom) even tho if they had listened to me from the beginning they wouldāve#been less stressed and finished sooner#then at the restaurant he didnāt listen to me again and we ordered too much even tho i told him we wouldnāt need it#THEN after dinner my grandma started texting me all frustrated telling me i need to keep my aunt updated on whatās happening thru the day#so she doesnāt feel left out. bc sheās having a rough time lately. bc itās my job to make everyone feel better#FIRST of all this woman ignored me for years when her ex husband decided i wasnāt worth it#and now suddenly itās my job to keep u informed on my every move so u donāt feel left out?? text me urself. ask what iām doing.#ask HOW iām doing??? do u even care beyond a āwhat colour is your sturdiness today namasteā#every time my aunt complains about the tiniest thing and starts crying about it it my grandma blames everyone else#no one even knows or cares if iām having a rough time#she came to āhelpā when my mom was sick and i did everything for her instead. and then she threw a fit when i wouldnāt eat her salad#when i was too exhausted from staying up all night with my mother to go on a run with her the next day#my mom finally got mad at her for implying iām lazy all the time and told her iām āneurodiverseā and do things my own way and she didnāt#even know what that meant so my mom was like āon the spectrum ā and my aunt just got mad that she had never told her#would it have made a difference at all? would u have expected different from me?#meanwhile iāve done so much for my cousinā¦ including taking care of luca the entire time she stayed with us. i had him all the time#i didnāt mind. i love that kid more than anything. but everyone expects everything from me like itās just a given#i talked her through every problem every breakdown walked on eggshells to keep her happy and then what does she do when she leaves?#ignores me. doesnāt come back when she said she would. complains that i donāt include her in things#bc sometimes i have quiet conversations with my sister so i donāt bother everyone#and then gg wants to know why i wonāt come see her? why i wonāt drop everything to fly there? my aunt wants to know why i donāt call?#because despite loving me u have made me feel inadequate my whole life. some of u more than others#and iām tired. and itās time for me to Be me For me without justifying it to everyone else.
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Me: okay maybe I should finally dig out my wall calendar as I'm having trouble keeping track of extended family's birthdays
Me, while redoing said calendar because it's messy: why are there so many birthdays in may and july? it's just considerate
#Demon Spawn#+Extra#theres too many fcking family members and i kept forgetting where id put and to check the diary my mum had filled out with extended family#birthdays but there are birthdays missing from that! she just completely decided against putting any of my dads family but put my aunts#fiancĆ© down as my uncle which um excuse me hes not my uncle until marriage and the guy that was my uncle has also been snubbed cus of the#divorce! theres family politics going down in my diary. my cousin on my dads sides birthday isnt in there and my mum is always late with#birthdays so shell only tell me after its passed which is not helpful. my mum has also had another child since she filled out so she needed#to be added but her birthday is the same month but a couple of days before another siblings so it wouldnt have been chronologically correct#to just add her but my may box is very full. its very stressful to look at theres no need for that many people to be born in may and july#i have a real problem with remembering things that are written down but i cant see. like we had to have a homework journal for school and#i always forgot when i had homework..... because i would forget to check my journal.... my teachers would be like didnt you write it down?#and even when it was written down it didnt help i need to be unable to avoid seeing it it just needs to be out in the open always visible#anyway i was gonna finally put my photos up instead i wrote up my deadlines to put on my notice board and finally filled out ny organisers#which i unpacked in December buried on my shelf and then promptly forgot about because i didnt want to clean off the old whiteboard pen š#im so useless i want a new brain#at least its done now. better late than never and constantly suffering for it
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