#so we dont have time to mourn the loss of characters we loved bc we already have these new ones to love and cherish

[kazumasougi]

ranting abt some problems i had with gowr in a needlessly long format below. warning for major gow2018 end-of spoilers below as well

i think like the biggest problem with gowr is like. they spent so much time trying to add new shit that they fell flat on delivering their most prominent plot point. which is deeply deeply upsetting to me honestly. like the entire plot of god of war is that atreus wants to start a war (bring on ragnarok) and he starts recruiting people to help him fight it. while kratos is like you dont know what it means to start a war (coming from the . god of war. lol). all the while atreus is unaware that the jotunheim prophecy states kratos is going to die while atreus takes odin’s side. and like this is an excellent setup because it gives you a conflict and potential consequences. and constantly the buildup is kratos and mimir talking about how he is going to die and how kratos doesnt want to have any regrets so he sets atreus on a good path forward while atreus finds out in another way that kratos will die. the entirety of that culminates in kratos and atreus agreeing that they will forge their own path forward. which is a lovely sentiment

however throughout the game it kind of feels like an empty promise. to be completely honest. like there is not a single point in the game where it feels like kratos’ life is genuinely being threatened. there is no singular event that says “This is the part where he’s supposed to die”, nor is there any follow-through on HOW exactly atreus and kratos avoid their own fate. like. the buildup is completely for nothing. granted there is a point where atreus works under odin and is so convinced that hes maybe doing the right thing and that odin isnt so bad. which is where you would expect the story to go narratively. but the other half of the prophecy is so fully ignored that it feels like all of it was honestly for nothing

not to mention like the game generally just feels… rushed??? like the parts of the story where youre attempting to recruit people to help you doesnt feel very complete. ESPECIALLY when you have to go to surtr to ask him to become ragnarok. like the myth is he and sinmara combine to become ragnarok. reasonably surtr does not want this because that is his wife and they forced themselves to be in separate realms for the sake of not creating Big Scary Monster. and it would inevitably end in both of their deaths. and if i recall correctly in the files of the game there is an unfinished sinmara model so they mustve originally intended for her to be in the game as part of atreus’ quest. but what actually happens is surtr is like “oh your blades are made of primordial fire just stab me with them and ragnarok is good to go without needing my wife” (?????????? YOU ARE IN THE. PLANE OF PRIMORDIAL FIRE. THAT IS WHAT MUSPELHEIM IS. IF THAT MADE SENSE THIS WOULDVE ALREADY TRIGGERED RAGNAROK ANYWAYwhatever who cares) and then he becomes ragnarok without his wife. alright sure. what the fuck. you do not ever visit sinmara until you go to niflheim and you hear crying from some arbitrary direction because she does not have a character model. you just hear her sobbing. its sad but like ok.

but the worst part of this is like Ragnarok shows up at the war on asgard and he is the fucking opposite of helpful. like he is destroying everything of atreus’ forces, which already are so few, and ends up killing one of the more well-developed characters in a twist that does like zero justice to him and anyone. now this isnt me saying freyr shouldnt have died bc this is what happens in the myth. its right for him to. but it was executed SO poorly it hardly left any impact at all. like why bother with the ragnarok plotline if theres no followthrough whatsoever… you dont even see freya mourn the loss of her brother, who we saw was like. incredibly important to her throughout the game

and i think ragnarok’s biggest problem is that while it was clearly made with so much love and care for both mythology and alternative storytelling, it seems like they wanted to focus on. More more more. more mechanics more menus more shitty uis that are genuinely HARDER to navigate than 2018. what the fuck is with the 20 complicated skill trees. it did not need that many moves like whatsoever. i dont even use like 70% of them because they arent practical to use in combat anyway. they changed the way armor works with the fucking. yggdrasil amulet??? what is that. it took several days to figure out what the menuing even was because they made it so much more confusing for no reason. why are there different skill trees for different companions that you have for five minutes total in the game. there was no reason for that. and like it was awesome seeing atreus have a specific skillset for when you play as him as well as his own rage meter but he doesnt use any of these skills when hes kratos’ companion so like…????? what was the point of upgrading him for like 3 short sections of the game

i also fucking hate the use of sigil arrows theyre stupidly finicky and near useless in combat. sorry. force arrows feel like a cheap rebrand of light arrows from 2018 and thats FINE, but i think they shouldve just kept light and shock arrows. the mechanics for the new ones are absolutely awful i did not like them at all. sometimes you know exactly how to solve a puzzle with atreus’ (or freya’s) arrows but you cant get the placement of them right because the way sigil arrows work is ridiculously unclear with its current visuals. i hated using them and i hated trying to play out the puzzles for the nornir chests because the mechanics are straight up bad.

additionally they introduced the spear weapon because you need it to defeat one enemy. now listen i liked the storyline behind this one a lot. some good cutscenes with that one. I HATE USING IT THOUGH… I guess they were like “we need a weapon thats specifically for the ranged combat playstyle!!” which i can understand but isnt that the entire fucking point of having the axe. like. with the recall. the draupnir spear feels unbelievably lacking as one of the main weapons you can have and if im honest IT MAKES SWITCHING WEAPONS UNBEARABLE DUDE. the response time to trying to change weapons has a delay so if you try changing to another one mid combat sometimes it straight up ignores you. which makes fights with enemies that require being hit by different certain weapons all the more annoying. additionally it takes up the same button as bare-handed/shield attacks so its fucking impossible to go barehanded mid combat when you actually need it (which, admittedly, is not as necessary if you dont care about stun or knockback. but i *do* so like…) also it doesnt really do much damage it just does stun. again a fun weapon for people who want to do stun damage long ranged but that kind of defeats the purpose of being able to go barehanded.

also i think the addition of 20 differwnt shields is deeply unnecessary and while i liked the stone wall shield (what a name 💀) the reason kratos uses the one he has at default is like. “it was a gift from my wife!!” which is sweet. and then theyre like “um no actually kratos you can use some of ours because yours broke” (it makes no fucking sense that his shield broke. what do you mean it Broke. you used it for all of 2018) like i definitely enjoyed them more than i enjoyed using the spear but. they didnt need to add so many. they just didnt.

and then they added more types of rage too. and im like jesus christ ENOUGH with the options ??? please???? i dont want this many. they also made the selections of armor deeply underwhelming and i didnt feel satisfied with using any of them other than like. sols spaulders. which didnt even matter because they nerfed the fuck out of every enemy and boss in this game that was actually supposed to be hard. the spiritual successor to sigrun, gna, was like. nothing. it was nothing im sorry that shit was leagues easier than battling sigrun on the same difficulty. and then they introduced the berserkers which is like. ok. the same shit 20 times in a row. whereas you could tell each of the valkyries had their own distinct fighting style, the berserkers are just like. fight this guy! now fight him again. now fight two of them at the same time. i never even killed king hrolf because i didnt give enough of a fuck to continue and i LOVE 100%ing a good challenge. its bad game design its like they just took one of the base berserkers and gave him a substantially longer health bar. maybe this is supposed to be a callback to the travelers from 2018 but those werent made as full bossfights. nor were they interesting enough to be such. comparatively the draugr holes (…) were ok i guess. like they were fine. theyre short challenges that you can very easily encounter way way WAY too soon in your playthrough though

whats more is for gowr it introduces realms that you knew of in 2018 but never got to visit. and they were mostly executed beautifully like i adored seeing all of svartalfheim and i really liked seeing the fimbulwintr versions of realms they let you visit originally, like how niflheim is no longer some fucked up foggy area from ivaldis workshop and how midgard is all snow and ice. but again whenever i visited these areas for optional quests it just felt like More More More…

idk i did very much enjoy playing ragnarok but some aspects of it were just. i didnt like them. and it took up time and effort that probably would have been better spent developing the story further. meeting sinmara was definitely needed to compliment the story arc about atreus acting reckless about the war and its really disappointing that you dont get to. i kind of wish they let this one cook for an extra year or two

[halforcdad]

I watched POI when it already finished airing so whenever I see someone said they watched it when it was still airing I went

Oh honey

Oh dear

Oh sweetie

You watched it live?? You watched 5x10 live?? Not knowing whats going to happen??? *Give you a hug*

I already know what was coming and still that episode left me heart broken just shattered emotionally (which is to say, also, that good writing can still make an impact even when the audience knows what's going to happen so take notes Marvel)

On another note, the 4x11 self-sacrifice lives in my head rent-free. "If you die die for something that you love" and "i'm a sociopath i dont have feelings" then she goes and kisses Root and saves them all I am on the floor bawling

the funny part is i saw bts photos from the finale that showed root and reese together and i naively thought, 'ok cool they still might die, but at least they survive until the end' and the writers really said Lol. but considering the type of show it was (and what happened to carter) and how dire things were going in s4-s5 i kinda prepared for character deaths leading up to the season. it left me numb and sad for a while, but i dont remember being extremely devastated about it. all the stuff we got with shaw dealing with it afterwards, however, that shit hurt bad. and unfortunately i love angst a lot (the writers were very good at writing sad stuff!)

my main complaint is that the death was so sudden and kinda anticlimatic (but i guess there has to be one of those to further stress how much their backs were against the wall). everyone else in the show gets a poetic death/sacrifice scene and in carter's case, at least she was killed by a significant villain in her arc and we're allowed to really feel the pain and consequences of her death, root gets taken out by a guy who started the job like two weeks ago and no time to mourn bc we're in a war Lol (and they had to rub salt in the wounds by showing us her for-sure dead body and telling us samaritan dug it up to get her implant, which while realistic, was brutal).

i feel like a lot of people talk about it as one of the worst writing decisions, but i can see why they chose to keep root's fate the same. yes, it sucked to losing a wlw character (especially when that was so close to clexa, if im not getting my times wrong), but i don't believe lgbt media should only be happy, soft stuff and that lgbt characters should be plot armor protected always. i still found a lot of meaning and emotion in the ending we got with shaw carrying on the work her team left behind with the machine and having some small piece of root to hold on to (and shaw being the only one next to fusco who never really had a lot of direct contact with the machine, getting the chance now to work closely with it and understand root more maybe that way). the show was always dealing with death/loss and grief and emphasizing how people still leave significant legacies behind and stay with us even if it's just the influence and impact they left on their surviving loved ones. i would still prefer if it had ended differently, but at least I could understand the message they were going for.

ill never stop loving 4x11 it's genuinely one of my favorite tv episodes ever. poi was very good at normalising shaw's apd and everything they did with shaw and especially what they did in the aftermath of that episode ripped me to shreds (her telling simulation root that she was her safe place and then telling real root she'd rather die than get them all killed, that made me totally normal). shaw getting the big emotional, meaningful moments in 4x11 (in the machine's simulation when she shows root one last act of kindness with 'maybe someday', the subway scene with the bomber, and of course the ending scene) was so important and well done. and root's slow-moed reactions at the end were gut-wrenching i must have rewatched that scene maybe 1000 times.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 694: Joining the new club, teh!!

Pag 1

1: Kei-chan, I've decided!

Bla bla

Bla bla

2: Kyou-chan

Bla bla

Bla bla

3: I've found the “back-gate slope” senpai!!

He's a person who can turn his legs incredibly fast

4: After all, he really was a “god”

I....

Pag 2

1: Will join the bicycles club, teh!!

Pag 3

2: …. the bicycle?

3: Club?

4: What.... ah, I came because you said you had to tell us something important.... but that was it...

Pff, right? Roku-chan in the bicycles club....

Pag 4

1: Wait!! What, bicycles!?

Roku-chan in that bicycles club!?

Ye- yeah

2: Wait, wait, for real!?

I guess that was such a crazy information that my brain was buffering!!

Do you know? Do you know!? That, uhm... well...

3: This school's bicycles club!!

Are you really saying you want to enter this school's, Sohoku's, bicycles club!?

Yeah

Pag 5

1: It's the champion of the Inter High, the yearly national competition!!

Yeah, I looked it up

You're saying you looked it up!?

That doesn't.....? scare me

2: They won the Inter High two times in a row, you know!?

Yeah, I looked it up

4: Kei-chan!!

Kyoutarou!!

5: I already wrote the registration, too

6: The other day I even got a bike... I discussed it with the neighbour's bicycles shop...

I asked if they could remove the basket... and replace it with a drophandlebars

Pag 6

1: I've found my goal

4: According to the rumors, they had a Spartan captain with sunglasses, and a captain with a perm and glib tongue

They say they sweet talk you and then make you work hard!!

It's the first time I hear about this....!!

5: Really!?

You see, in the basket club... Hayashimoto-san is there

The senpai with big hands

That guy told me

Ehh

Pag 7

1: But, you know, the Roku-chan before my eyes

Huh

I have a feeling he can do it. Right, Kentarou?

Huh

Yeah, Kei-chan

2: Ehi, you three, listen to me for a moment!

3: Well, I heard you talking about the bicycle club

Sorry to meddle in your conversation

4: I already joined the bicycles club, you see?

And I also have experience in racing, since I've been doing road racing since middle school!!

Pag 8

1: I'll tell you once!!

Road racing isn't sweet!!

3: I'm Kinaka Tsugunao from Higashi middle school

I've participated in races and my goal was to join the club here and run as regular

5: And you....

6: You're the one who was standing before the shougi club all worrying, the other day during the club activities visit day, right? I saw you

You were shouting in the hallway...

Waaa-

7: If you want to get into the bicycles club on half-hearted feelings, then stop...!!

Pag 9

1: You'll fall!!

Ehhh

2: Oi, you, what you've been saying, it's weak

Nhh? Huh?

This guy is huge

3: That' not true, I have a solid goal

A goal!!

Huh!!

4: This guy already did biking before....

5: You, what club were you in in middle school?

Huh

6: Ah, yeah....

7: For three years....

8: I was in the basket club...

Pag 10

1: But as the manager....

5: Ah, I see!! Uhn!!

Uh-uhm, a manager, huh? I see

6: Well, an advice!!

I'll give you an honest advice

Pag 11

1: It's better if you quit!! The bicycles club!!

Because they have strong soldiers like me!!

3: Roku-chan is the manager who devotedly supported us regulars

4: of Hanamiyama middle school's baslet club

He pays more attention than anyone

5: When it rained, and when it snowed

He came to the clubroom earlier than anyone and got ready

6: these past three years were painful and bitter for Roku-chan

Pag 12

1: But I've never heard him complain once!!

Pag 13

1: I'll give you an advice too!!

2: I won't forgive anyone who looks down on Roku-chan!!

6: Me neither!!

Pag 14

1: Let's go, Roku-chan!!

Where

To the clubroom, of the bikes club

Classes aren't over yet, teh

Pag 15

1: That Kinaka guy or whatever, pissed me off!! I want to show him Roku-chan's potential!!

Me too!!

No-no way, that guy said he already did road racing...

2: Kyoutaro!!

Yeah, Kei-chan!!

3: Wa- what, you're agreeing with each other!!

Wait, first of all let's take a deep breath!!

Pag 16

1: Excuse me!! We want to join the club!!

Waaa, he bursted in without hesitation!!

We're prepared!!

Prepared for what....?

2: Uhm?

Oh?

Huh!?

3: The club's members!!

Pag 17

1: What, some ugly guys came in

He looks scary!!

2: They're assertive!!

Red hair!!

3: Look, good thing we waited in the clubroom during lunch break!!

This guy's hair is orange!?

4: Uwaaaaa

5: No, let's come another time!! I want to give my registration notice to the back-gate slope senpai!!

Roku-chan!!

No going back now!!

Pag 18

1: I'll ask!! What's the very first match of this club!?

2: Match, teh!?

4: Oh, you really have a lot of enthusiasm

5: It's not a match, it's a “race”!! In ten days....

For the new members only, it's the “first years race”

Pag 19

1: In ten days

2: Huh!?

3: First years race!!

4: Kei-chan and Kyou-chan are in the basket club

They shouldn't be so enthusiastic!!

5: I'm the third year Imaizumi

6: Introduce yourself

If you want to jon the club, go ahead

7: A race... I wonder if I can do it... I....

…. yes

8: But....

10: I've decided.... I have decided

Pag 20

1: I'm a first year from class 4, Rokudai Renta!!

I've decided to follow the back-gate slope senpai!!

Pag 21

1: I'm from Hanamiyama middle school, and I want to join this club!! Teh!!

2: You've said it in such a cool way, Roku-chan!!

You said it, Renta!!

3: Ah

This voice....

Could it be, the guy from that day....

4: The back-gate slope senpai!!

He's here!!

Onoda-san, did you find that leg part?

Ah, yes, it had fallen on the back of the chair

5: The registration notice....!!

I did it!!

6: And?

Pag 22

1: Are you two joining the club too?

3: I'm sorry, that's no....

4: Yes!!

Pag 23

1: We'll join the club and make sure he surpasses that guy!!

2: Huuh!?

[guileheroine]

lotr:rop first impressions

[spoilers episodes 1-2]

overall: fun, unhurried watch. feels like a spiritual prequel to the lotr movies. in terms of relationship to canon, it’s like a slightly tone-shifted alternate history 

it’s visually breathtaking. even if u dont care for the story, it looks like middle earth and you can totally relish it on that merit

just on the pure fannish level, it’s cool to see more peripheral parts of the timeline on screen after decades of hobbit/lotr adaptations

i like the oc’s, i like that it’s not as lofty as the source material! the new settings like the southlands are great, spending time with normal ppl vs the elevated players of lotr/silm. feels like fic on screen, in a good way 

almost every negative takeaway i have boils down to the sad/weird/grim fact that a $1bn adaptation of the second age is having to work without film rights to the silmarillion + unfinished tales? besides emphasising the cash-grabby aspect of the whole enterprise, it leaves the story thin and feels like a massive elephant in the room. like they’re trying to scale a mountain with no provisions. so more than any response to what we do get, the show makes me mourn what could have been 

ex: there is a pervasive lack of context to both the characters and the world. little of the weight that would make it feel, not just look, like a middle earth story, the sense of history that’s in the bones of the setting. they do the standard lore highlight reel, but you can almost sense that rather than trimming the fat off a dense source material, it’s working around it. for a universe much deeper/broader than Standard Fantasy Show, idk i really felt the loss

as you might predict given the above, in contrast to the oc men and harfoots, the elves suffer the most. again, lack of context is especially jarring when themes of legacy, dynasty, loss were so integral to their original backstory. like who is elrond? who is celebrimbor? what are the different groups of elves, is there anyone around except elrond/gil-galad/galadriel? what exactly did they experience beyond generic long war and what does it mean for their relationship to the world? why do elrond and galadriel feel like YA protags when they’re powerful and deeply burdened survivors? i’m sure there’s a lot more coming on this front but so far it feels thin

i love that she’s the mc but galadriel’s motivations so far lack texture- without the ban of the noldor and everything else they can’t mine, what should be one of the most storied, layered characters in the legendarium feels like a girlboss out for revenge 

but morfydd clark as galadriel is great, i like her a smidge better than cate blanchett and again it just makes me mourn what could have been, substance wise 

all told, i think this show will be much more enjoyable to someone that doesn’t know the iceberg whose tip they’re spending a fortune shining

some of the dialogue is a little clunky and trite, particularly they could do a lot more casual worldbuilding/enriching through dialogue but they dont

dont want to touch the casting discourse, mostly bc (festering racist backlash aside) it doesnt matter that much. it doesnt violate the integrity of tolkien, otoh it’s not somehow integral to a worthwhile show either-- i wouldnt not watch if everyone was white, just like i haven’t stopped reading a phenomenal text mired in unconscious racial bias which was sometimes alienating to a young reader of colour. mostly feeling tired of this and the nuances lost on all sides, both in regard to tolkien’s world and the ~representation question 

what i will say though, idk if the race-blind (as opposed to just racially diverse) interpretation works for this the way it does for something like bridgerton. it’s a verse with a lot of emphasis on bloodlines, tribalism, etc, for better or for worse, so i think having diverse but somewhat more consistent casting within groups of fantasy characters could have made for a more organic setting (e.g. mostly mena numenoreans, mostly african harfoots, mostly south asian southlanders, mostly east asian noldor etc). but i understand thats a much more sensitive/difficult thing to pull off rip 

not feeling the shorthaired elves, especially since its so gendered. this elrond is just pain, unrecognisable in every way  

but i really liked the tiff with durin. dragged on a bit, but the crux of it--the complexities of mortal-immortal shortlived-longlived interpersonal relationships, as if love and friendship are not complicated enough-- is soo tragic and timeless. imagine if we could get aldarion and erendis on screen!! 

super looking forward to numenoreans. not just bc they encapsulate my favourite things about tolkien thematically, but especially since they’re so tied to the unique historical circumstances of the world and you can’t explain them away in a Timeless Fantasy Race way. i wonder what sort of backstory we’ll get there 

wonder what the show is working towards in terms of an actual hook. rn, it is lush and enjoyable but not particularly interesting. the ‘rise of sauron’ angle has already been done in the hobbit movies, so it really needs to introduce and sell other subplots with stakes

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[sydxo]

my latest obsession: chrollo lucilfer

listen so,,,, im not really crazy about loving characters and i dont really jump around with my faves, they're pretty consistent for the most part but lately i've been overly fond of a man named chrollo.

If you know me you would know of my love for hunter x hunter

so when i really got back into the series i began looking at chrollo a lot more. when i watched it during the summer of 2017 i loved chrollo but he was never someone i obsessed over. yea he was a hot, strong villain so of course i would like him. but rewatching it recently i started looking at him much more.

to begin with, from the surface you would look at chrollo as a cold psychopath (thats extremely good-looking) but theres not much to go off of. he doesnt really have much of a personality. hes not kind, nor is he mean.. hes kind of emotionless. he doesnt not harbor anger or resentment shown in the manga and anime.

only when ~~uvo dies~~ does he really begin to show us his vulnerabilities. many can argue that him showing sadness is a mask only to show the troupe members that he cares. but the thing is,,, he doesnt cry infront of any of them? so what would be the point?

he truly cares for the troupe with his heart. each one of the members he holds close to him although it may not seem like it, he really does mourn for the loss of his loved ones (a.k.a. the troupe members).

he was brought up in meteor city, meaning his past most likely is not a very pretty one. my theory being that he was probably abused as a child. he mostly likely ran away and lead a life of having to steal and kill to survive at a young age. the abuse affected him to where he was so traumatized that he completely left his past identity behind and became **CHROLLO LUCILFER**, most likely he created that name for himself.

he lost his identity so he searches for validity of himself within the troupe, using each member as a defining part of himself.

loosing a troupe member is like loosing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

losing a troupe member is like losing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~.

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

—————

ok so there’s are so many reasons why i really really love chrollos character and just admire him honestly. so i’ll space them out:

1) his character design!!!

-kuroro obviously is... a very attractive looking character!! and usually i’m not ?? idk i don’t really like characters /like/ him with the slicked back hair and crazy ass abs and weird fur coats but it honestly just started growing on me??

-HES SO CLEAN CUT!!! this man owns suits, fur coats and versace sweaters. ... he constantly gets HATED ON and made fun of ppl bc think his hair is fuckin greasy?? GREASY?? AREYOU KIDDING ME?? ur gonna tell me a man who wears belts and fur coats doesn’t shower?? bjtch his hair is gelled and he is KILLING IT!!!!

-throughout the series his style changes a lot!! he looks so good?? mans is so very fashionable (i’ll send examples)

-his mobage cards!!! BITCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN HIS MOBAGE CARDS!!

(mobage cards are from a hxh game that you can collect, they come out with official art of the characters in different situations and daily life, so just like characters dressed normally i guess)

he has this one mobage card of him in a casual outfit and OH MY GOD BITCH HE LOOKS SOOO GOOD!!! he’s wearing a white tank top and has this blue button down over it that’s not buttoned up with these jeans and his hair looks so good!!!!! also can’t forget his cross necklace.. we love a religious faithful man!

-SPEAKING of hair chrollos hair is constantly changing?? just like killua with the outfits, chrollo is the only other character that normal changes his clothes while the rest of them stay the same?? he’s so clean and gorgeous it makes me cry!!! from when he’s first introduced his hair is gelled back, to when he meets neon his hair is down nd .. bitch oh my god chrollo has semi long hair and it makes me deadass sob it looks SO GOOD. and right now in the recent manga chapters he has this messy down bedhead style it’s so sexy!!!

ok that was just part 1 about his character design let me start with part 2/3 what attracts me

2)HIS MYSTERY!!

-so chrollo is kinda i guess from the surface he’s a boring dude. there’s nothing noteworthy about his character. he isn’t funny nor is he kind. he’s kinda like... an empty shell of where /something/ should be. and it seriously ..... just adds to his character. his personality might not “shine” and he’s only really popular because he’s a hot antagonist but there’s SO MUCH MORE!! that people don’t look into revolving him.

-he gives off sooo many hints and foreshadows his identity loss so many times while he’s given screentjme and its sad??

sad that this amazing man that has worked so hard and become so very strong still cannot i guess identify himself within a crowd. he’s just ~there~ giving orders for the troupe.

-he truly believes that no one cares for him or relies on him. that everyone would be absolutely 100% unaffected should he die. and that?? i literally wanna smack him.-

(continuing i wanted to give a little background on the phantom troupe given chrollo is the leader)

-PHANTOM TROUPE-

so the phantom troupe is a group of 12 people all given numbers

ok so head = chrollo and legs = the rest of the members because the phantom troupe are also known as the spiders.

they’re thieves with chrollo as the leader and they come from meteor city which is basically a dump where nobodies live a.k.a. they lived a harsh life growing up.

-

ok so continuing with chrollo thinks he’s replaceable to the troupe. couldn’t be more false and it makes me upset that he thanks that? the troupe really really cares about him a whole lot given he’s literally the leader and he created the phantom troupe!! basically the only place these “thieves” feel like they belong. they’re all family. they fight like brothers and sisters and care so much for one another.

ok that brings this section to a close. this is getting extremely long so let me write my very last part. jeez i could go on for ages.

3.HIS STRENGTH.

-chrollo fights very uniquely and i know it’s kind of a weird thing i guess to bring up his fighting style and powers when discussing why i like him as a character but i really cannot help it.

-out of all the characters in hunter x hunter, chrollos powers have to be my favorite coming from an unbiased standpoint. it’s not even because he’s my favorite character, do i love his power, it’s just so fucking unique and interesting.

-

•when you watch hxh you’ll learn about powers and such (they call them nen) and the different types you can have, manipulator, conjuror, transmuter, etc.

there’s one power class that stands out from all the rest. while the normal powerclasses have built in powers you know things that are already predetermined, there’s one class called “specialist” and this is the rarest class.

-you guessed it, chrollo is a specialist. being a specialist gives you crazy overpowered abilities for short amounts of time like super regeneration, speed, etc. things like that. chrollos power is called “Bandits Secret” him being a thief and all its so fkn badass. he can literally steal other people’s power from them and use it for himself!! his power is lowkey complicated and has a lot of conditions that need to be met before he can use it but let me just say, the fact that chrollo can steal powers that aren’t even his and use them even better than the original user is so amazing. he’s BEYOND talented when it comes to combat skills hence why hisoka got obliterated in there fight. not only that but he’s an extremely graceful and careful fighter. he’s crazy good at planning strategies against his opponent and extremely smart.

——

ok so that’s all for my chrollo rant... uhh this was longer than intended i’m so sorry but yes i love chrollo with my entire heart he truly is my favorite character of all time and nothing will change that. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[asherlockstudy]

I love NCW so much and his portrayal of Jaime is incredible but I really dont think he deserves an emmy nomination for S8. I dont know whether its bc I'm a bit miffed that he keeps defending the ending saying it was perfect, he was addicted to Cersei and he was meant to die with her 🙄, or the fact he hadnt posted about Gwen like he did Lena and how incredible it was working with her, but he was a victim of bad writing in S8, Gwen's was much more deserving but she'll prob be passed over :(

Yeah, I see what you mean. Nik nailed episode 2 but he wasn’t given much to work with beyond that, was he? Not that he did a bad job in e4 and e5 of course but the script is so badly written that both he and we felt like we were all in a kind of a loss - Jaime seems to be “truly” in love with two women in the span of two episodes (and very few minutes of screentime overall) and it is very confusing. The inconsistency of the script made Nik’s acting inevitably almost as inconsistent, although he saved whatever could be saved. Plus, let’s not exclude the possibility of frustration - it’s a different thing acting for a script you love than one you hate after it butchered your character. This applies, even to the best and most professional actors. Meryl Streep’s acting is not equal in her every role. Even Daniel Day-Lewis was underwhelming for me in one or two movies and I don’t think there is an actor out there who can match Day-Lewis. I don’t even mean Nik was underwhelming after all. I do believe he did whatever he could with that script but his passion in my opinion was understandably gone and this matters in art. Having said that, I don’t think anyone nominated except Emilia perhaps deserves an Emmy. Not even Peter. His mourning for his siblings was amazing but that was also the only time he really needed to act in the whole season and IDK is this enough?

But Gwen, oh my. I agree!!! She was freaking amazing. I basically can’t watch their scenes again because a) I get the urge to push my hand through the screen and slap Jaime back to his senses and b) Gwen breaks my heart in a thousand pieces. She was freaking amazing throughout, in every single of her scenes. Funnily enough, I think the reason behind her success was similar to the reason for Nik’s…uhh… lack of wow factor (except for e2 ofc). It was disappointment for both of them but it worked differently for them. I believe Nik was angry and then grew detached, indifferent and lost his passion for the work.  On the other hand, Gwen was so devastated and she had to relive that devastation every time they were shooting a scene so I think it all came very real and natural to her and she fucking nailed it. Gwen was feeling what Brienne was feeling, whereas I believe Nik struggled to search interpretations and see it through Jaime’s viewpoint but in the end, he could not feel what Jaime felt neither could he sufficiently reason it out (as is evident by his interviews and posts). I mean, imagine giving you Jaime’s script and asking you to act it out convincingly in three episodes. Maybe he deserves that Emmy after all LOL 

[teoriasemserie-blog]

The Garden of Forking Paths

Well, its ouats ep 7x3. The Garden of Forking Paths, makes no sense in this ep, right? The only garden not even is in fact a garden, its in process to. But looks like the meaning of this is deep. Theres a book with this name, and theres it:

"garden of forking paths" was the novel, and that the forking took place in time, not in space. As compared to most fictions, where the character chooses one alternative at each decision point and thereby eliminates all the others, Ts'ui Pên's novel attempted to describe a world where all possible outcomes of an event occur simultaneously, each one itself leading to further proliferations of possibilities. Albert further explains that these constantly diverging paths do sometimes converge again, though as the result of a different chain of causes; for example, he says, in one possible time-line Doctor Tsun has come to his house as an enemy, in another as a friend”. 

So all realities happening at the same time. We need remember ouat plays a big mind game. So its all in Emma's mind, really in the season 6 finale all the realms were linked to Emma's belief, to Emma's mind. Believe me ouat really made a point about others realities. But I’ll focus in swan mills family.

And so we must think about all realities, we have a reality where Henry was raised by Regina and Emma become part of this, one where he was raised by Emma, other where he was raised by his grandparents, one where he was raised by nobody (the AU of season 4) and one where we dont know who raised him. And now we are losing the first one, look, the first eps talked about Henry losing his real family and going to fantasy. We are reversing things. Everything in the 3 first eps is about his mothers, also in this ep, he presented his mother to Jacinda. But in the curse, Lucy just talk about his family being her and her mother, also she talked about Emma and the Evil Queen as if they werent nothing. We are seeing this new family take the place of our first family, but if its real, why are they paralleling our big family? So whats happening?

If Emma was in a comatose, and so she woke, she must think everything she lived with Regina and Henry wasnt real, bc it was all in her mind, but it was real bc their love was real, they helped each other, even if she was sleeping, and also they have connect in a deep way, where they really could meet each other in every reality of her mind. 

And we are again trying to ressurrect someone who is dead, and this never ends well, so we must face some dark things. We can see its about Emma too, she lost her son, we are facing this with Regina too, she lost part of his life,and  in a sense this feels like death, lose who you love in any sense feels like death, and you try to recreate this, this make part of the mourning. So Emma needs to deal with this, with this loss and she must let it go, as we saw with Daniel’s case.

But while this we can see things are starting growing in this garden, even if theres so much pression for this, we can see Lucy are forcing her mother so much, and all Jacinda wants is to make Lucy happy and give her a good life, whats the only thing Regina and Emma wanted to Henry too. Who are really helping Jacinda looks to be Roni, in the first ep she makes a big speech about dont give up and hope(bc Jacinda inspired her), and so Jacinda end ups throwing the coin into the pit, so things start grow. In this new ep, Regina helps Jacinda face herself, and Roni too, you need to dicide make things for you and not for others, its hard, when you think you dont deserve this bc you made mistakes. You need to forgive yourself. Whats a thing Emma and Regina need too. Looks like Roni, Jacinda are the consciousness of this season.

The consciousness is what Emma needs to back to real life for good. You can be wake but your mind need to be healthy and have balance, you have to know whats real and whats not, and learn from this. What bring us with the big reference of this ep “ That Still Small Voice “ ep 1x5 from season 1, what was about the consciousness in fact, about know who you really want to be. In this ep Emma and Regina work together to save Henry, while Henry talks with Archie about how he needs to remember who he really wants to be. And he wants to be a person who help others, its interesting hes a person who helps people in a mind way. Also Roni said this shes like a therapist. 

Links: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Garden_of_Forking_Paths

[priincesspacificaarchive]

ntiitaniumxwill replied to your post “40) things you said when you met my parents crime au”

*kicks door down* oKAY SO i finally got around to reading this and my eyes teared up????? like for real?????????? i love this world and this AU has a special place in my heart and ive never even thought of dip's parents and i am............... Aghast at myself but u, my lovely and incredible wife, you are so AHEAD of me?????? i dont even know where to start. all of this is so beautiful, so detailed, the emotions , the atmosphere. i might be SCREAMING

*cue me flinching at the idea of a door being kicked down near me even tho i love this “meme”* i remember feeling almost numb writing it bc i was so worried about how i was going to write major’s parents. i didn’t want him to be too distant from them, but i wanted it to be obvious they were unaware of the situation. i wanted them to be unaware of everything that had happened after stan’s death. i wanted that awkwardness of meeting your bf/husband/whatever’s parents for the first time. i wanted there to be an obvious strain, an obvious change that no one was going to talk about bc “at least our boy came back”. i wasnt sure what i was going to do with them, everyone sees them so differently, i think. so i took a kind of middle-road approach, with them having instilled certain things in their children. i really was unsure of how i was going to handle the “killing blow” scene. i knew it was what i wanted to do w why they were visiting, but i wasnt sure how i was going to have their parents react. i’ve never lost a child, i’ve barely lost a loved one. i’m not very familiar w grief personally, so i was unsure how to paint these characters w it, especially since they’re still v static i think in general. women are p much biologically coded to be more willing to show emotions and to cry than men (it’s testosterone okay) so i knew i was going to have the mom cry. most of the men in my family go into some form of shutdown when they get overly-emotional so that’s what i went w for him. also i pulled the names out of my butt and didn’t realize the “ma” part of maggie, mabel, and mason until i was in the middle of that scene and had written it like five times. so that was completely on the fly. but this is honestly something i could’ve seen easily being tens of thousands of words one-shot material. i am so so so honored you loved them, bc i was so so unsure of them the whole time i was writing them. this whole drabble was new territory. i’d never written a “meet-the-parents” scene and have barely experienced any irl so i wanted to make sure it was the right amount of awkward/heart-warming/strained-bc-of-their-life-choices thing. i wanted so desperately for it to feel like major and lioness are almost emotionally detached from the whole thing, but i knew that even if major wasn’t dipper anymore, his parents would still inspire a small piece of what might be left in major. and lioness would be nervous for so many reasons and one of them would certainly be if they’d like her. if they’d think she’s the reason he hadn’t come home in so long.

again, i always see my writing in my head like a movie, and do my best to put that movie into words. the scene at the end, w them in major’s old room, i fought w the wording and pacing w it. i wanted it to feel like a time machine and a nostalgia trip and a little bit like a funeral all at once. i wanted it to feel like what a parent must feel to walk into their child’s room when they’re no longer there. i wanted it to be a mourning period, especially for pacifica, who mourns the loss of dipper more than almost anyone else. she loves major more than anyone in the universe, more than herself, but she will always, always miss the opportunity to know dipper. to fall in love with dipper. it’s not hers to regret, but she wishes so hard she could’ve known who that boy could grow up to be. what kind of man he could’ve become.

pls never worry about thinking about the parents. i almost never think about characters parents unless they’re important for plot reasons (like paz’s).  i literally made them up as i went. i tried to take into account how old they’d be and then like, compared it to my own parents and grandparents and tried to hit an idea of what they’d do w their time. watching wheel of fortune and game shows like that is something we often do in the evenings at my one set of grandparents’ house so that’s where that came from. and then someone had give mabel even the idea of knitting so i thought her mother would be a good place (plus my grandma knits so. jacked that from her too).

also also also the whole “they can’t stay here” line of thought came from a fic i’d re-read recently and i knew that was the tone i was going for.

thank you so much for reading this and also babe i LOVE YOU and ALL THE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT YOU’VE GIVEN ME OVER THE YEARS!!! YOU’RE ONE REASON I KEEP COMING BACK AND WRITING. THANK YOU!!!

as i mentioned i remember feeling numb writing it, and now when i read over it i feel distanced, like i’m watching from afar. i might revisit this and extend it or something bc as much as they’re static-feeling i love how i portrayed their parents and would love another opportunity to expand on them. it felt like such a big thing to tackle, bc i knew there needed to be so much written to even cover why they’d go back to california. at one point i thought maybe i’d put them in their teens and they’d be there for the tradition of introducing your partner to your parents. maybe it would be after they’re married and it’s a stop on a short honeymoon. i had a handful of ideas why, but i knew this one was the right pick as many times as i wanted to make it something else.

the “opening scene” of them in the car, in my head there’s no background muisc, maybe the rushing of the wind through open windows, but no music. i can hear something soft and melancholy and aching when they’re in major’s old room, when they look at mabel’s door is when it’d start probs. that sad full house violin music when major’s trying to tell them mabel’s gone. when he’s explaining why. (literally that track makes me cry every time) something soft but ultimately happy plays when they reunion begins, hitting a crescendo when maggie throws herself down the stairs to her son. a sort of sinister music when lioness and major are telepathically talking about what major’s done to his father’s mind.

gosh i might have to do more parts bc i can see them staying for at least a weekend if not an entire week just talking to the parents and helping them understand and cope.

i’m so glad u love it, wife, and i’m so thankful that you see the details, but ultimately i think i could’ve given even more and extended it even further. this is definitely a thing i’m open to writing more of.]

[edit: the scene where they tell them about mabel, paz mentions her empathy spiking. i’ve lowkey decided that she’s so connected to major that some of what’s given him his telepathy has sort of flowed into her, and because she’s taken on being major’s humanity, she’s extremely empathic, and the supernatural just enhanced it. so she actually feels what others are feeling. this allows her to be more aware of major’s emotional state, but also can be used to manipulate enemies and lackeys alike. she can’t manipulate their emotions, but she can use what she’s feeling from them to sway them one way or another. touching mr. pines in the scene where her body is screaming at her to be comforting could’ve been disastrous bc his emotions are running so high from less than a foot away that she already felt like she was grieving as hard as he was. she might’ve completely lost herself in his emotions if she’d touched him. it was kinda a last-minute decision in that scene but it’s an idea i like a lot. she probably wouldn’t start to develop it until she’s been with major for years.

so yeah that was supposed to be a subtle thing but idk how subtle it was so i’m explaining it all now.]

[aparoxysm]

♥ + ♚ + ☯ + ✉

♥ What’s the absolute best experience you’ve had in RP?

oml there are literally so many, i have whored myself among so many rps that i can take so many good experiences away from all of them. i think though, i really loved lanford back in the old days when i was an admin with rach and before everything became a big rp politics game and i had so many connections through different character types, i was able to really cover a lot of rp member ground and get to know a huge amount of awesome people which i find is rare in groups as human instinct is kind of to stick with your squad, ja feel? but i really pushed myself to meet new members and to sus everybody and anybody out just to see what they/their characters were all about so that when it came to doing group activities and events, i honestly could reach out to just about anyone and be like HEY we have this connection so we can do this! or if there was a party, i always had characters that mine could do things with. it eventually just got to the point that each of my characters were kind of infamously known for something, whether it was good or bad, and because i’d been around a long time (not as long as some of you tho *side eyes*) so it really did feel like a town community where they’d be name dropped or talked about and even remembered and mentioned AFTER i’d dropped the characters for a while. it was just like. a nice, wholesome community. i’ll always mourne the loss of that tbh.

♚ Have you ever made any lasting friends through RP? 

straight up, a lot of my rp fam on indie are people ive stolen and/or bullied into coming to indie from group. then there’s others who have found their way into indie on their own and, once discovered, ive harrassed them until they rp’d with me again. >:) so basically paraphrasing my other answers, yeah, i tend not to let go of my rp friendships if you dont make me. loyal 4 lyfe.

☯ Tell us all about your favorite muse you’ve ever written and why they meant so much to you.

after Liz as mentioned in another ask, Emily definitely is in what i call my “top tier” of rp characters. basically not only is she one of MY favourites, but she tends to be pretty popular among my partners too and i like to think this is a reflection of how much i’ve invested in developing her. she, like a lot of my ooooold original lanford characters, has lived a life before indie and honestly she has changed so much from the wreck she was when i made her. she was the first australian character i’d ever made because i was always like :(((( y are there never any aussies around in the rpc?? theres so many aussie players, y nobody write aussie characters? so it was really fun to have a character i could actually relate to culturally, even if nobody else ever knew what i/she were talking about, and it was just a really cool thing to have. not a lot of people really cared for her or even liked her to begin with i dont think, which is funny to think about because she was a very troubled character, a whole lot of lost. then as she grew and matured and through the connections she very slowly made, it was just like watching a flower bloom. like its lame to be proud of a fake person but i am proud of my little gentle wallflower :’) she has come so far and there is just so much to her that i can tap into her literally at any time of day. i love her so much.

✉ Say something nice about someone you follow!

i mean sierra like u ok i guess idk 

~im actually so in awe of u and i absolutely love having you on my dash every second that you’re active, i get SO excited when you tag me in things or send me messages, i am literally always so happy to her from you but also dont mind at all when youre a busy bee and disppear for a while bc i think ur so chill and i love that. i also love how much of a balanced rp relationship we have, like there’s ample types of connections, genders, everything. i dont feel like either of us are gyping each other out or that we need to try really hard to impress or satisfy the other, bc youre super genuine and i appreciate that about you a lot basically :))))))) also u made me like shelley hennig again after rp fc trauma so like 10 points for u.

[saltysodavevo]

sorry

thanks for nothing. i came because you were my friend, not because i wanted to be lied to and hurt.

vent under the cut

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You ruined my life. I never want to see you again. It’s your fault. I hate you.

Yet I still choose to remember you.

Your name was Anna. You loved bananas. Rarity was your favorite pony. Neeky was your best friend. And I like to think that, at one point, I was too. You had a sister. Her name was Abby. She loved Disney. She loved Disney movies. Her life revolved around them. She loved to roleplay. She was your best friend, and you were hers.

We were so happy. There wasn’t a single moment when you weren’t happy and excited for something. Except-

When we had a fight. Yes, I remember. Exactly how it went.

I called myself a night owl. You got mad. That was Abby’s spirit animal. You told Abby, she got mad at me too. The rest is fuzzy, but you- You called me a whore. And you hurt me. You made me cry, for the first time. Though it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

We broke apart.

Later, we- we came back. When I told the truth about my name and age. You seemed to take it well. That was good. We were all friends again. We were happy. It was nice.

I was happy.

Until one day, you texted me out of the blue.

You told me that Abby died.

I was heartbroken, at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t find the right words. I didn’t know what to do. I cried, again. I was 9, 10 maybe. Naive. I believed it. You told me her friend would be on her account. I talked to “her friend”. I asked if they would sue.

“No, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, and besides, the camp was fun anyway.”

And I believed you.

I trusted you.

I was naive.

Last year, I reread the story Abby had wrote for you. For your birthday. The last words written were “maybe we should wake up,” spoken by one of two characters laying in bed, contemplating their next actions. I won’t lie. I teared up.

I spoke to you for the first time in years.

“hey

anna

uh

do you know where abby was going in her fanfiction for you?”

“Hm? Oh that! Sorry, I forgot all about it but.. no I.. actually have no idea.. I don't know if she's continuing it :c”

“ak

that sucks

i just finished reading it and

i was actually the one she trusted to proofread it

i feel like i should be the one to continue it

idk but

aaa

i wanna continue it but i don't know where she was going with it”

“She's busy right now, idk if she wants to continue it.. but I can see if she really really wants to, if not she'll probably just give it up to us! :D”

Color me confused.

I didn’t understand. I thought she had died.

I asked Neeky if she remembered.

“hey uh

idk if you talk to anna anymore but dont tell her i said this

didn't abby..die ??? i was asking her about the fnaf fanfiction and

hold on ill just send a transcript ig”

“she keeps saying it as if it never happened

and i just

im getting mixed messages

like

was she lying? is she talking about someone else who 'took abby's place'??? im honestly so fuck ing c o nf us ed

and im too much of a fucking wimp to ask her

there was such a huge boom about it when it happened

i remember she messaged me after it, she was upset as fuck and i mean i understood, i still do, her sister died and she got her phone and it was almost her birthday and i just aaa

but i dont

whats going on anymore im fu ckign”

“When did she supposedly die? Like a month or something?”

“wh

i

when we used to be the odd squad?”

“Lmao I worded that weird sorry like was it when school was still going”

“it was

camp

i think

yeah

and there was supposedly a big zipline over a waterfall with sharp rocks and abby wasn't secured properly

thats how i know it

i remember it like yesterday even, anna was so upset but im starting to think it was a lie i dont even fucking know anymore”

“Um,,,,, p sure she's not dead if Anna went to school as her normal self. Knowing anna, she would be so upset that she most likely wouldn't step out of her house?

That's when we still talked so she would've told me if she died and I don't recall she ever did?”

“have you seen abby around though?

she told me, i remember it, goddamn it

i think i still have the screenshot, even

im fucked up dude like what the fuck even

i,

he lp”

“Wait,,, idk if you remember but her dad was the vice principal of our middle school at the time. even he didn't take time off or something to mourn or attend a funeral or something of the sort.

Unless I somehow missed an entire period of my life”

“i have the screenshot but anna's wording it like it never happened and i dont understand i”

“Well I mean my point still stands. She didn't look any different while at school and when she texted me, she sounded as enthusiastic as she was before. Perhaps she lied?

And adding what you've said about how she talks, it doesn't really seem like something this tragic happened.”

So we confronted Anna about it.

“Hey anna”

“Ya?”

“uh

so

about abby”

“Ya..”

“didnt she...die? when i was talking to you about the fanfic you worded it all as if it never happened

‘ Hm? Oh that! Sorry, I forgot all about it but.. no I.. actually have no idea.. I don't know if she's continuing it :c’

‘ She's busy right now, idk if she wants to continue it.. but I can see if she really really wants to, if not she'll probably just give it up to us! :D’ “

“OH YEAAAAAAA

I thought I didn't tell you..

Sorry..

SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS SUCKS”

“but”

“..?

Her friend took over her accounts, yah.”

“but neeky said when you went to school you seemed happy and chipper as usual and- wasnt your dad the vice principal or something

?

neeky said there wasnt any funeral or anything and i do nt

e ve ne

i mf ucke d u p”

“I.. really don't like talking about this”

So then Neeky asked:

“Like I wasn't even told about this until not too long ago,,,,

Um can you at least give me some info if this is real bc I didn't even know,,.,.,..,”

So then you left. And I tried to get in touch with you and ask what happened. Just- for any answer. Any smidge of an answer you had for me.

Nothing.

You were quiet.

Until you finally answered.

And tore my heart in pieces.

“I.. alright, yes, I did lie to you.. anyways.. I.. I'm really sorry but.. no, I'm not sorry.. let's just get this over with.

I can't be your friend.

You've lied to me and told me the truth but..

I really hate that because I gave so much of my friendship to you.

One of my good friends on Kik is going to talk to you, goodbye.”

I got a message.

I talked to your friend.

I was told to kill myself, that I hurt you, you’ll never forgive me, you hate me, you don’t want to be my friend, you don’t want to see me ever again.

I cried.

Again.

And now here we are.

Present day.

And I’m writing about you.

I guess there’s a reason we remember our most traumatizing moments.

I hate you.