#so was Taste of the Wild my dogs just don’t like it much

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Ok people acting like feeding anything that isn’t owned by Purina or hills will kill your pets are being a BIT dramatic here. I have never used either and all of my animals are miraculously alive and fully healthy.

[lovebugism]

hello sweetheart, i read your prompt list and saw this one "hug?” “clingy, much?……” but hugs them anyway and my heart melted, i don't know if you already did this, but can we have something like that with our sweet but grumpy eddie? 🤍

ty for requesting! — eddie doesn't know why you're avoiding him (fluff, ditzy!reader, 0.9k)

Eddie lost sight of you ten minutes ago. 

You were squished between Robin and Steve on the loveseat last he saw you, giggling into your solo cup while they belted Total Eclipse of the Heart to you — at you — over the music and in their best Muppet impressions. 

He only remembers it so vividly ‘cause he was jealous. Not jealous because you were subjected to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum’s drunken antics, of course, but jealous because you were with them. And so, so far away. 

Now you’re gone, and he misses you like a stray dog — aggressive and hungry and hurt. He walks up to Steve in the kitchen just the same. Hair wild. Button eyes glittering. Slightly reluctant. 

“Where’d she go?!” he shouts over the music, half-muffled into his drink. He uses the plastic cup like a shield ‘cause he doesn’t want people to know he’s missing you. The metalhead freak from the wrong side of town isn’t supposed to need the ball of sunshine from the suburbs. 

But alas.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Steve slurs, half-distracted as he pours himself a drink. He doesn’t need Eddie to tell him who she is. There’s only one person in the whole world he’d go looking for. “She went outside with Robin, I think—”

Eddie spins on the worn heel of his sneaker before the words can properly leave his mouth. He ducks through the bustling, drunken crowd and finds you sitting lonesome on the porch outside. Prettier than the full moon and all the stars in the velvet black sky combined. 

He walks to stand beside you, shoes thunking heavy on the wooden deck. You tilt your chin to smile brightly up at him while he slips a cig into his mouth. He cups the stick as he lights it. Pretends that’s what he came out here for. Not to see you, of course. 

Definitely not.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” he mumbles beneath the cigarette in his mouth.

“Robin just left,” you answer plainly, half-shy.

“Why didn’t you come find me?” he asks with an air of nonchalance, still trying to play it cool. ‘Cause there’s nothing less metal than yearning.

You shrug. “‘Cause you were busy?”

It’s easier than telling him that you thought he wanted the space. Or that you actually spent the whole night aching to hang on his side — too scared of embarrassing him in front of all his friends to act on it. 

You know who you are just like you know who he is. Bubblegum pink doesn’t always go well with black. It gets in your hair. Makes everything go all sticky. It’s an acquired taste you know Eddie’s still getting used to — too much of it, and his stomach will start to hurt. So you figure it’s best to keep your distance.

You just didn’t think he was as grieved by it all as you were.

Eddie scoffs. I’m never too busy for you, he wants to say. He might’ve if he wasn’t such a coward. Instead, he blows smoke from his lungs and jokes, “I wouldn’t call keeping Argyle from crowd-surfing in the living room busy, sweetheart.”

A laugh tumbles from his plush lips. The golden sound falls over your skin like stars. You smile absentmindedly back at him as you rise from the creaking rocking chair. You plant your feet ahead of his and smooth your palms beneath his leather jacket, over his warm sides.

Eddie meets your twinkling eyes with narrowed chocolate ones. “What?”

“Hug?” you ask in a mousy voice.

The boy laughs like he’s too cool for affection, though he’d be lying if he said your offer doesn’t have his chest sparkling something fierce. He flicks the cig to the ground — sheepish gaze going with it — before snuffing it out beneath his sneaker.

“Clingy much?” he scoffs.

You nod with a proud smile. 

Eddie’s chest swirls with an unfamiliar feeling. You’re strangely brave about all this — affection and love and all things sweet enough to make him gag. 

It makes him feel like he can feel brave, too.

He wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you with all the intensity of someone wanting to swallow you whole. You hug him back just the same. “I missed you,” you murmur with your cheek squished against his chest.

“Then what’re you avoidin’ me for, huh?” he teases, chin bobbing against your head.

You pull slightly back to squint at him. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“You’ve been hangin’ out with Steve and Robin the whole night,” he grieves, hiding his sincerity behind boyish theatrics. With a feigned pout that feels totally real, he says, “And you didn’t even sit next to me when we played Never Have I Ever.”

“I thought you wanted the space,” you confess in a hushed voice.

His face screws up like he’s tasted something sour. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know…” you shrug. “You always talk about how much you like being alone and stuff, so—”

“Well, yeah! I like my space— just not from you!”

It’s likely the least metal thing he’s ever said.

“Oh,” you hum, mouth contorting into a sheepish beam. “Well… Sorry.”

“Yeah. You should be,” he scoffs, mostly joking. He pouts softly and pulls you back into him again, nosing at your hair until his chapped lips brush your temple. “Just don’t let it happen again, alright?”

[toxycodone]

ship. Laios Touden x Reader

content. nsfw + gender neutral reader + period sex + bloodplay/kink

You and Laios have a pretty decent sex life. It’s a lot smoother than most couples. Laios is surprisingly into trying new things. The two of you share your kinks pretty openly. (Which is pretty necessary, considering that Laios is such an avid fan of roleplay…but that’s another story).

You two are in bed, kissing and messing around a little. This is common, you two gently feeling each other up. It doesn’t always go farther than this—most of the time it’s just you showing some affection—but it takes a little turn when Laios’s fingers start to trail under your night shorts.

Your breath catches in your throat, but not in a usual positive sense. You stop Laios in his tracks by grabbing his wrist.

“Hey, stop.” He abides. Before he can look at you puppy dog eyes and fall over himself apologizing, you speak. “I’m on my period. Didn’t want you to accidentally stick your fingers in blood.”

You expect his face to twist in discomfort, for Laios to do his usual dorky laugh to offset the awkwardness and for him to cuddle you to sleep. However…he gets that look. The one where his expression doesn’t really change, and you can see the cogs start to turn in his mind. He can’t be…?

“Are you in the mood?” He asks. He’s avoiding what’s really on his mind by testing how you feel. You just go along with it instead of pressing for now.

“To be honest, yeah.” You shrug. “But I don’t need to do anything.” “Well…” Laios looks away from you before spouting his biology facts. “Y’know, an orgasm releases endorphins. Dopamine. Oxytocin. The good chemicals, happy ones.” His fingers dip under your waistband again now. He doesn’t seem thwarted by the fact you’re on your cycle. “If you want…I don’t mind. Y’know, I can... Help you. Make you feel good, and—“

“Just say what’s on your mind Laios.”

He takes a breath, then sighs it out. Laios’s cheeks flush pink as he speaks.

"I still want to have sex with you. Even though you're on your period, I'm curious. I wanna try it."

"Are you sure?' You ask. He might be a bit swayed by different forms of media. So you want to ensure he knows what he's getting into. "It's messy. And it smells. And you're gonna get blood all over yourself if you do."

He nods, but his interest hasn't been quelled. He's oddly into this. Really into this.

"You just really want to know what it tastes like, huh?"

Cue his cute little blush.

Laios scrambles to get a towel when you give him the go ahead. Of course he wants to experience this, but he knows he can't just hop on into it. He wants to make sure you're comfortable and into it as well before he starts exploring.

Laios is EXTREMELY into period sex. You're so warm, so wet without him even trying. Sex this way is one of his favorite things to do. And it helps that each orgasm he gives you makes your cramps and other symptoms much less severe.

He really leans into the more primal side of it. Some things still linger from his time as a monster, and one of those is his affinity for blood. The sight and smell of it drives him wild. He'll start to growl and fuck you more roughly, digging his fingernails into your skin while he pounds into you. (Also...since the risk of pregnancy is low on your period...he's finishing balls deep inside. He cant resist the urge.)

And his teeth sink into the flesh of your neck when he finishes. The taste of your blood is addictive to him...you bring out a more monstrous side of Laios that's gotten buried deep within his psyche.

Your blood acts like an aphrodisiac to him. His senses are much more sensitive. You smell weak--like prey--and he wants to take advantage of you. He'll make sure he has his fill of all you have to offer and then some.

And speaking of tasting your blood...period head is always on the table. That coppery taste others may refuse is one he finds delicious (blame his appetite and newfound monstrous palette).

It's actually a sight to behold. Laios's mouth stained with blood as he's buried between your thighs. He'll look up at yours, eyes dark with lust, before gripping the meat of your thigh and pulling you flush against him again so he can consume you with fervor.

And Laios is SO ridiculously shameless about it too. After you've spent yourself on his face, he'll rest his chin on your stomach and wipe his mouth off with the back of his hand--only to lick the blood smears off his pale skin. It's so obvious he enjoys eating you.

[sanarsi]

Forbidden fruit

Javier Peña x informant!f!Reader

(part 2 for “It’s just business”) - you can read without knowing part 1

Summary: Your affair with Agent Peña was wrong and you both knew it. But how could he resist you when he was starting to fall for you? Warnings: +18, MDNI, unprotected PIV, dirty talk, insults, soft!dom!Javier, mention of drugs, age gap (not specified), wild animal Wordcount: 2,2k An: I was in the mood for something a little exotic? Well, as a drug cartel boss you can afford to do weird things so a big kitty is a cool idea. Music I worked with: Woman - Doja Cat

Masterlist

For the umpteenth time this month Javier had left work early.

Every time because of you.

Specifically because of a stupid text message that had his dick painfully erect in a matter of seconds.

You: If you want to get some information from me today, I suggest you hurry up before I lose my appetite for your dick.

You: Or don’t. My fingers are also fine.

You had him wrapped around your finger. He was at your beck and call, fulfilling your every whim like an obedient dog.

Not that he's complaining.

Your pussy was worth everything.

That's why he drove towards your house, every now and then adjusting his cock in his pants.

Javier: I'm on my way.

Javier: Don't touch yourself or you'll regret it.

He was definitely crazy about you. At work, all he could think about was how beautiful you looked taking his cock in your mouth. How beautifully you moaned his name. How heavenly you tasted.

Fuck, you were like an aphrodisiac to him.

Forbidden fruit always tasted the sweetest.

And you were the perfect example of everything he shouldn't crave. Now passing on information was an excuse to meet again and again. And you only talked about it after fucking each other for hours.

Perfect pillow talk.

Javier finally drove out of the city onto the nearly empty dirt roads. The villa you owned couldn't help but be hidden in the fields. Your position forced him to travel to the fucking middle of nowhere to your house. He had to admit that you cared about your safety and privacy when he first found himself in your apartment, fucking you on the kitchen counter.

You: Was that supposed to encourage or discourage me?

Javier snorted at your response and threw his smoked cigarette out the window. His car left clouds of dust behind it. He didn't even care that he was going twice as fast as he should have.

Since he was regularly dipping his cock into your cunt, he didn't care about much actually.

The outline of your house appeared on the horizon and a smile immediately appeared on his lips. He glanced in the mirror, running his fingers through his hair and adjusting his sunglasses on his nose. He had to admit that because of you, he was in his best shape. Always a perfectly ironed shirt, a perfectly trimmed mustache and always a hard cock.

And your sex was like cardio that kept him in such good shape, that he didn't even get tired during the chases. Even the fact that you were involved in the cocaine trade no longer bothered him.

But he couldn't admit it out loud to himself.

The gate to your estate opened for him when he wasn't even close. He drove into the yard under the watchful eye of your men. He had grown accustomed to the contemptuous glances they sent his way whenever you weren't around. It even amused him a little.

Because it was his name you were screaming, not theirs.

He stopped right outside the front door and with a smirk grabbed a folder of papers and a fucking bouquet of flowers from the seat.

Yes. Javier Peña started buying you flowers.

You actually thought it was sweet.

Javier entered the house, passing several guys with guns.

And his was sitting nicely behind his back.

Thanks to your men, he knew where to find you. Most of them were hanging around the exit to the garden. It was probably your favorite place from what he had noticed.

And as usual, he wasn't wrong when he noticed your figure lounging on the big bed.

With a fucking tiger that was your pet.

That was something Javier couldn't get used to. The idea of ​​a wild animal that had been domesticated by your hands terrified him. But he had to admit that you looked sexy as hell laying there in your swimsuit, petting sleeping beneath your head beast.

Your attention immediately turned to him as he crossed the threshold of the terrace. You smiled broadly, biting your lip and got out of bed.

"Leave," you said confidently and several men left your field of vision without a word, leaving you alone.

Javier carelessly threw the folder with papers on the table next to and approached you feeling a strange relief when he wrapped his arms tightly around you. He connected your lips in a kiss that he immediately deepened. You purred into his mouth with a smile when your tongues started dancing with each other. You tangled your fingers in his hair and placed your other hand on his jaw. His fingers tightened on your hip only to slide down to your ass a moment later. You laughed pushing him away from you.

"You made me wait again," you threw accepting the bouquet of flowers from him. "You're sweet." You smiled smelling the flowers. "So I will forgive you," you said and let him steal a sweet kiss from your lips. You moved towards the entrance to the house to put the flowers in a vase.

"Next time I expect an engagement ring," you shouted from inside the house to which Javier laughed under his breath. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, glancing suspiciously at the tiger who was still sleeping soundly. After a moment you came back with a wide smile on your lips and a glass of whiskey in your hand.

You even knew what kind of whiskey he liked and you filled your bar with it. Fucking joke…

Javier accepted the glass from you, kissing you quickly on the lips and patting your ass when you passed by. You squealed quietly, which made a small smirk appear on his lips.

"I'll get fired because of you," he said lightly taking a sip of alcohol. You threw yourself back on the bed and looked at him shrugging innocently.

"They probably don't pay you enough anyway," you said with a smirk. He rolled his eyes and slowly approached you sitting down next to you. His hand immediately found itself on your thigh stroking your delicate skin.

"Information," he threw, running his hand over your hip and waist.

"Right down to business?" you asked, making a sad face.

Javier raised an eyebrow, taking another sip of whiskey. His fingers tightened on your skin, to which you smiled flirtatiously, biting your lip.

"I don't know, Agent Peña," you smacked your lips disapprovingly. "I guess you'll have to force the information out of me."

Javier looked at you, amused. "Yeah?" he said teasingly.

"Yeah," you nodded as he slowly leaned closer to you. He put the glass on the ground and his hand slid under your swimsuit. He connected your lips in a deep kiss, tightening his hand on your breast. You moaned into his mouth, running your hands up his arms.

Oh… he loved how much your relationship had changed in the short time your romance had lasted. You were so fucking open and willing to anything he did to you.

You let him do anything because he always made sure you were satisfied every time. And if you didn't come from his cock, he made up for it with a series of orgasms from his finger and mouth, leaving you breathless.

Yeah… Javier Peña was the perfect lover.

His hand slid down your body to your pussy, which he began to gently rub through the material of your panties. You moaned in pleasure and began to thrust your hips into his hand.

He loved that you were acting like a whore around him. Your moans were like from porn and your hips moved like you were born just to jump on his dick.

You were fuckin’ perfect.

Your touch was so greedy it made him smirk. He slowly hovered over you, settling himself between your legs. You moaned as he ground his hips against yours. You pulled him closer by the neck as he began to untie the strings of your panties. You moved your hips again to rub against him.

"Someone woke up in a slutty mood today," he purred into your mouth, throwing your panties aside. His fingers immediately dove into your wet cunt, starting to fuck you.

You moaned louder and his cock twitched painfully. He curled his fingers inside you with each movement, immediately stimulating your sensitive spot. He definitely didn't like to waste time on slow foreplay.

Unless he fucked you half the night and released some of the tension. But around you he was constantly walking around as horny as a teenager.

You suddenly broke the kiss, throwing him off of you to the side. Javier looked confused as you sat on his thighs, starting to unbutton his pants.

"Damn, you're really hungry," he commented with a surprised smile.

In concentration, you slid the pants down his hips a little and stroked his cock through the material of his boxers. He immediately trembled, clinging to your touch. You smiled with satisfaction at how hard he was for you. You sighed, taking him out of his underwear and lifted your hips, positioning yourself above him.

"Yeah, I think I'm ovulating," you said, slowly running the tip along the entire length of your wet slit. You both moaned and his hands tightened on your thighs as you slowly sat on him.

You moaned the whole way down like a real whore.

"Jesus," he groaned, throwing his head back, closing his eyes.

Your hole was so fucking smooth and creamy. He couldn't stop his cock from twitching. You took off your bra and started moving your hips. Sensually and slowly.

You leaned back, resting your hands on his thighs. You arched giving him a perfect view of your body. How your pussy swallowed his cock. How your tits tensed.

"Fuck baby, ride me like that," he breathed, running his hands over your hips and waist.

Suddenly, a tiger growled softly next to him. Javier watched with a fast beating heart as the large cat slowly walked past him and rubbed its head against your shoulder and back. You smiled widely, panting heavily, and let the tiger rub its head against yours before it walked away towards the garden. Javier watched everything with a lump in his throat and his cock twitched inside you.

Sometimes he forgot what a powerful woman you were.

How lucky he was to have gotten into your good graces.

You moaned, tightening your fingers on his thighs. You slowly lifted your hips, rotating them in small circles, feeling that today it would be enough for you to come.

But then Javier's thumb was on your clit, teasing it with slow movements. You shuddered, tightening on his cock. And he had to admit that your pussy was in better shape than usual today. He felt you perfectly on his cock. The way you gently surrounded him with your warmth and almost didn't let him out.

“I’m gonna come,” you moaned as you felt yourself begin to throb with each stroke of his cock inside you and his thumb on your clit.

"Oh si, cariño, ven gritando mi nombre para que todos sepan quién te está jodiendo.” He lifted himself up, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your neck. His hands helped lift your hips a little higher so you could come down on him with more force. Impaling you more on his cock. Harder. Deeper.

"Ay Javi, justo ahí. Tu polla fue hecha para mí,” you moaned, tangling your fingers in his hair.

“Come on baby, come on,” he breathed heavily before you locked lips in a sloppy kiss. You moaned softly into his mouth each time you lowered yourself onto his cock.

And finally, your orgasm washed over your body.

“Oh fuck, Javi-” you moaned loudly, throwing your head back. His lips immediately began to place wet kisses on your neck as he continued to move your hips.

You moaned throatily, clenching around his cock with the perfect amount of force that brought him to orgasm. He groaned against your skin as he came inside you, resting his forehead on your chest.

He moved your hips a few more times, squeezing every drop of cum out of him. You both panted heavily as you held each other in your arms.

Finally, you sighed deeply one last time and looked at him with a smile. Javier quickly stole a sweet kiss from your lips.

"So what about this information?" you asked against his lips, running your fingers through his hair. He nuzzled your nose and stole another kiss again.

"Remind me about it after we finish the next round," he said, to which you laughed sweetly and squealed when in one movement he turned you on the bed, attacking your lips again.

Yes, he had fallen for you.

The worst thing was that he knew about it.

And didn't want to do anything to prevent it.

[freyito]

i read the umm boothil vidaharyda (i dunno if im spellung that right) peice you did and and HOTBJF FNF ABABABJGHYTUFHFHR?!!!!!!!!!!!! that was AMAZING!! if you did a part two it would be like, really cool!! i love the way you write sm 🫰

✭ pairing(s): boothill x male vidyadhara reader

✧ a/n: im glad you enjoyed my writing anon... i apologizing for being several months late... ahaha... ANYWAYS! i think this is a nice break from blue veins two... just some good ol fluff :P... it's also been so long since i've written for male reader it feels like @_@

✦ taglist: @fffrost, @shinysora

🗒 cw: male reader, vidyadhara reader, itty bit of lore building (made the vidyadhara look a little more like the yan siblings from arknights), hey you guys are married now!, lots more fluff. cause i said so., he's a little clingy, not proofread

✎ wc: 1.9k

[i , ii]

ꜱᴄᴀʟᴇꜱ & ᴍᴇᴛᴀʟ ; ii

Well, where did the time go? Suddenly, you find yourself lounging on Boothill’s ship, face down on a couch, as his fingers scratch at your scalp. Your tail wags shamelessly in the air as he hums, some tune he had picked up in his youth. Needless to say, you are content beyond relief right now. It had been a couple years since Boothill had first asked you out, and now what you are left with is bi-monthly ‘vacations’, and a pretty little ring on your finger.

Safe n’ sound in the vast expanse of space, stuck with a Galaxy Ranger that had vowed to keep you safe, love you with every single part of his being, bolts and all. It’s something he echoes near every day, even when he is several star systems apart from you. A normal day at the Skyfaring Commission for you could be a wild chase for Boothill, running from bounty hunters, taunting them anyway he can. While you worried over him to the point of running yourself ragged, he had always found his way back to you.

He spoiled you rotten, with every breath he took, every step he tracked, you were pampered. He was much like a penguin, bringing you rocks from whichever planet he had visited. Not just rocks, but all sorts of trinkets. He’d bring you food if he could, because he’s just so in love with the way your face lights up when you taste something new. The way your tail wags furiously, while you speak so fast you run out of breath.

He’s found that he quite enjoys living through you. He can eat, sure, but he can’t taste it. So to watch you enjoy new cuisine with such enthusiasm (or even the same food you’ve been eating since you first could), it brings him an odd sense of peace. That being said, dinner dates are always on the schedule. It’s more of him watching you with a lovestruck look on his face while you eat.

Little dates like that have been quite common ever since he first asked you out. And before, of course. The only difference is they are more frequent. No matter how far he had been, across the star system or on planets unknown, he has always found a way to show up after your shift, or sweep you away to his ship.

All of this, of course, leads back to the current moment. Tucked away in your own little slice of heaven, reading some fantastical mythologically inclined story, while Boothill pets you as if you were a lap dog. He does his best to steer clear of your horns, though you know he won’t for long. Regardless, in his eyes, you are simply so cute like this, all docile and happy. The way your tail waves with every pet, or wags faster when he nears your horns.

“Darlin’...” He whispers, the pet name falling from his lips languidly.

You don’t look up from your book, but acknowledge him with a soft ‘hm?’ nonetheless. You haven’t found a spot to pause, too deep into the page, and the next page didn’t start with the start of a sentence. You’d lose your place too easily!

Boothill, however, wasn’t happy with such simple acknowledgement.

“Heyyy, darlin’...” He drawls in a sing-song tone, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. “Look at me, pretty please?”

“One more moment,” You mutter, unphased.

He isn’t happy with that answer either. He slides his hand under your chip, cupping your face and tilting your head up. Your eyes track your book as much as they can, before inevitably meeting Boothill’s. He gives you a crooked smile when you make eye contact, batting his eyelashes like he didn’t do anything.

“There you are…” He purrs, low and sultry, his other hand continuing to pet at your hair. “Listen, I was thinkin’ we go do somethin’ real fancy.”

“For what occasion?” You cock your head to the side. You did your best to swallow whatever annoyance you had, as much as you were into the book, there was no need to point it out. Boothill would’ve gotten his way one way or another.

“I dunno. ‘Cause I wanna,” He shrugs, “I’m thinkin’ of takin’ you somewhere, maybe The Capital of Passion, maybe New Bethelhem. Somewhere nice n’ romantic. I’d take you out for one of the classics; dinner and a show. See if there’s somewhere showing one of those cheesy romance movies you like so much, eh?”

As he speaks, he leans down a little, pulling you closer. In the end, you shuffled up with a blush, huffing softly and turning your head away from him. You know what he’s doing, lingering a little too long, his eyes following your every little move. He either seeks to fluster you still, with simply asking you out on a date, or he’s scheming. The second thing makes you shiver slightly.

“I haven’t seen somethin’ like that in a long time, y’know, it’d be nice to enjoy somethin’ all quiet and peaceful like. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it?”

“... What are you up to?”

“Nothin’ sugar! Ah, that’s hurtful, you know! Always thinkin’ im up to no good,” Boothill shakes his head with a mock-disappointed look. “Can’t a man share his ideas?”

You sigh, doing your best to calm down your own bashfulness, as he shuffles closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you in close. With a soft sigh, he closes his eyes. His smile drops for a second, and that leaves an odd ache in your gut. When have you not seen him smile? But that worry is quickly washed away when he opens his eye, that familiar sparkle twinkling in his eye.

“I just wanna treat you good, yeah? I dunno… I don’t think I’ve gotten the chance to take you somewhere nice…” His voice wavers. Meanwhile, you’re trying to wrap your head around it. He’s taken such good care of you, so where did this come from? “When was the last time we had a date where you could get all dolled up and we’d have a night out on the town, hm…?”

“Well…” You do your best to recall, but you can’t necessarily remember. Mainly because he’s taken you on so many dates, it all tends to get lost in the mix.

“Exactly! That’s why I’m thinkin’ I ought to start acting like a gentleman.”

That statement makes you tilt your head in confusion. A gentleman? He was already one, really. He just hadn’t lost his roguish charm. He treated you so well and kind, showered you with gifts, compliments, and praises, and here he was saying he should act like a gentleman?

“Boothill… what do you mean by that?”

“I wanna settle down. For you, ‘n all.”

“SETTLE DOWN!?” You can’t help but raise your voice in shock. Your tail starts flicking ferociously, trying to make sense of what he had said. It was clear enough, but for the Boothill to say he wants to settle down? Ah. He must be insane. Something must’ve gotten into one of his neurochips and infected his system. That must be it.

“Woah there cowboy–”

Before he gets the chance to explain his reasoning, you pounce on him. You press the back of your hand to his forehead to check if he was running hot (like he could get a fever…), then stare into his eye for a moment, before lifting his upper lip with your thumb, before forcing the man to open his mouth. Well, how were you supposed to check a cyborg for any symptoms of a virus? You didn’t know. But his mouth seemed normal, his gums seemed normal, all seemed well. He chuckles as you shuffle down and press your ear to his chest, to see if his fans were kicking into overdrive. There was no sound out of the ordinary, the subtle humming of his fans and system working as intended.

Slowly, his hands fall to your shoulders as he pushes you up off of him. He lays beneath you with a soft smile, while you stare down at him, tail swishing like a predator ready to pounce. You still can’t get over it, there’s no way he’d say such a thing. He was spontaneous, if he stayed in one place for more than two weeks, he’d get antsy! Not to mention, he was wanted. He couldn’t really stay in one place regardless, even in some place as heavily guarded as the Loufu. Besides, you were happy as is! Married, with a stunning boyfriend to boot, who loved you like no other… even the thought of settling down with him seemed outlandish.

“Is it really such an insane idea? Think about it sweetpea,” He shrugs, maintaining eye contact. “Nice little corner of the universe to call our own. I’d make a good, honest livin’, tendin’ a little farm and what not.”

You give him another perturbed look, one that borders on disgusted.

Nicer light? What a joke, you think. You’ve seen him when he’s as dashing as ever, running from bounty hunters who had tracked him down on one of your little moonlit evenings. The way he looks just stunning no matter what, whether it be when he’s delivering some of your favorite food to you, or when he’s dragged you to his favorite shooting spot. The way the sunlight had always hit him just perfectly, the way his smile shines oh so bright, the way those eyes charm you to even do the simplest of things when he’s ‘too tired’.

Before you can retort, his chuckle turns into a deep laugh, hands falling to your sides.

“You believed me, huh?” He laughs, doing his best to shuffle out of your ireful gaze. “Was I that convincin’?”

Ah. He was playing around. Good. Still, that doesn't stop you from scolding him. You reach up and pinch his cheeks, earning a groan from him as he tries to wrench free from your grip.

“Where did that come from!?” You pitch, making sure he stays beneath you. “That’s scary you know! Suddenly jumping to a conclusion like that! Especially when you’re wanted!”

“Hey now!” Boothill protests. But you shut him up quick, leaving his cheeks and landing a couple of playful punches to his chestplate. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere– or, I guess I should– stop that!”

Before you have time to react, he’s reached up and grabbed one of your horns, causing you to yelp at the way it made you feel. The cold steel against your wonderful horns sending a white hot jolt of shock and something else, the feeling akin to when you’d bump your funny bone into something.

“Waha!” You whine, falling dramatically limp in his arms.

“Awh, now, I didn’t mean to do that baby,” He coos sarcastically, before turning to run his hand once more through your hair. “It was a joke, is all… can’t blame a man for having fun, can you? I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

When you look up at him, he’s pouting like you had truly scolded him for something so nonsensical, before it turns into a cheeky grin. One that said ‘I didn’t really do wrong…’. You’d fight back, speak your mind, but not when he’s so close to your weakness. With a huff, you stay in his arms, cheek pressed against his chest as he hums, idling running his fingers through your hair once more. What a scare he had given you, and now he gets to act all normal while you reap the consequences..

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi | discord server | star header by roseschoices DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN, REPOST ON ANY OTHER PLATFORM, OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[lavandulawrites]

Can i get yan! Jouno please? Feel free to go wild :3

A Wingless Angel

Yandere Jouno x reader

This was really fun to write! Jouno has definitely grown on me these past days. I find his creepy personality so intriguing<3

Masterlist

Warnings: Violence

Word count: 1903

Jouno’s senses were as heighten like that of a hunting animal. He’s smile was resembling a wolf baring its teeth to a helpless lamb. Jouno always knew what you were feeling before you could even place it. His angelic voice hypnotising you in a web of lies. His condescending words masked behind a gentle smile. He had sworn to you that he found greater pleasure in helping the weak and innocent than harming people. You believed that to some extent. His word would hold greater value if you haven’t seen the way his face lit up in joy when he punished those who had wronged you.

He saw himself as your saviour, and he was to some degree. He had indeed saved you from some brutish gang members who threatened to cut your tongue when you emptied your pockets to show them that you did indeed have no money on you. Jouno had suddenly appeared in the dark alley like a knight in shining armour. His white hair reflecting the light of the street lamp causing it to glow like a halo. With a swift motion akin to a angel flapping his wings, he cut down the criminals. Crimson blood rained upon you snapping you out of your trance. You screamed as you saw the dismembered bodies littered around you. You tried to get up and call for help, but the white haired man took hold of you shoulders, shaking you to get your attention.

With a voice as smooth as velvet he calmed you down. His white gloved hand gently stroking you cheek. With gentle hands he guided you to your feet. You didn’t know then that you had involved yourself with a man who was no near an angel.

He had taken you away from your normal life. It began with him involving himself little by little in your everyday life. He began hanging around the office where you worked at. His presence immediately brightening your mood. He was so easy to talk to and he was always there when you needed him. You started slowly, but surely to fell in love with him. You were naturally cautious about his job as a Hunting Dog, but he assured you that his work was to keep civilians safe. You understood of course. After a while your days consisted of him (when he wasn’t out on missions). He started to spend his time in your home making it hard to not forget that you weren’t a couple. Yet.

After a few months he urged you to move in with him after various of cases of violence around Japan. You agreed after he insisted that it wasn’t a bother, after all he did get paid handsomely for his work as a Hunting Dog. His flat was spacious and slightly luxurious. Your bedroom suited to your tastes. Weird…. How did he know that you preferred that brand of duvet covers?

You soon learned that Jouno was an excellent cook. His dishes both nutritious and delicious. Often while you ate he complained about his colleague and his rather interesting taste in food. You had asked him if you were ever going to meet his colleague (who despite his complaints, seemed like a really close friend of his), he only muttered “Not yet…” with a strained expression. You decided to not mention it further as it clearly troubled him. He was probably afraid of getting you too involved in his job.

Days pasted and you both quickly fell into a pleasant routine. It was after two weeks, he voiced his concerns about you continuing to work. “[Name] it is dangerous out there you know. Recently the number of crimes have skyrocketed. Of course The Hunting Dogs are on it, but there is only so much we can do. We don’t punish those who are doing minor crimes” he puts down his teacup.

Your brows furrow “My workplace is in a rather safe part of the city”.

Jouno smiles slightly, almost pitiful. “No part of the city is safe now. Did you not listen to what I just said?” his condescending tone cold. He slowly rose from the seat and took your hand in his. “I think you should take the day off. Or if that’s not possible at least work from home” his hand gently caressing yours. After giving it a thought you agreed to work from home, at least for the day. You missed the way his smiles twisted into something sinister.

Soon you only worked from home. The news were filled with crimes getting worser and worser. You were glad you trusted Jouno, he was after all an intelligent man who only wished the best for you. Of course he could be quite unsettling at times, but he never meant you any harm.

“[Name] I can sense that you are stressed. Is everything alright?” Jouno asked you as you were sitting in the living room after dinner.

You looked up from your book in surprise. “I am a little stressed I have to admit… All the crimes happening are stressing me out. I am worried for my family and friends. I rarely leave the house now days, but the same can’t be said for them” you sighed.

Jouno had a thoughtful expression which turned into a smile. “I think your work is stressing you out. Of course I understand that you are worried about your family, but they don’t live in the city” you didn’t notice how he ignored your concerns about your friends. “My salary is more than enough for you to live a comfortable and happy life” he smiled warmly. You fiddled with the pages of your book. Could you really quit your job?

“I think you deserve some well earned rest” he had moved beside you. His fingers running through your hair in a soothing manner. You only nodded as he slowly lulled you into a slumber.

Weeks passed and your days consisted only of Jouno except when he was on his missions. He advised you against going out alone and your outings were always accompanied by him. One particular mission required him to be away from you for almost too weeks. You had come to be sick of being imprisoned inside his flat, so you decided that you were going to escape before Jouno’s mission ended.

You only had to unlock the front door and freedom was yours. Jouno hadn’t been bothered with locking the door with other than the key, which was placed in a bowl on one of the shelves in the entryway. He trusted you to stay put, or maybe that was what he wanted you to think. Either way if it was a trap or not, you couldn’t afford to not try.

You twisted the key and the door creaked open. You held your breath and stepped outside into the hallway. You only needed to go down the flight of stairs and out the main entrance and you were free. You made your way down the stairs with shaky legs.

You decided to exist through the door by the janitor’s closet. The corridor was dark and too quiet. You turn around at every little sound, afraid of being met with an eerie smile, but no one was there.

Luckily the door was unlocked so you slip right through it.

You headed towards a small and antique café where you could ask for help. You had known the owner for years, a older woman who definitely would help you. You knew all to well that the police wouldn’t help you. The Hunting Dogs were above the police after all.

The bell rang when you entered the cozy café. You greeted the owner and took a seat in the both in the far corner away from the windows. You sat there in silence contemplating on what to do next. You needed to leave the city and that fast, but how? The kind lady brought you your favourite tea without your ordering it saying it’s on the house. You sipped on your tea while your mind was elsewhere. Suddenly the leather cushion you were sitting on dipped down.

“Found you”

You snapped you head to your left and your eyes widened. Jouno. His lips were twisted into a sickening grin. “Now tell me dear. What one earth are you doing outside of the flat?” his melodic voice sending shivers down your spine. “I have waited for you for some time. I thought you would be quicker, but of course I expected too much from someone like you” he chuckled. “I got at least to have a lovely chat with the owner of this cozy café” his words having a certain bite to them. “But I do think that everyone involved with a criminal deserves punishment. Don’t you agree dear [Name]?” his smile gentle.

You swallowed. “Please” your voice only a meek whisper.

Jouno hummed as he took your hand in his and gently stroked the back of it. “I think we should get you home before anyone gets hurt”. With a swift motion he pulled you to your feet and guided you outside. He leaned his head down to your ear and whispered “Don’t think that unruly lambs will go unpunished”.

He threw you down on the floor, towering over your trembling form. “It seems that you failed my little test. A shame really…” his tone one of faux empathy. You curled in on yourself afraid of what he might do to you.

“Please… please forgive me Jouno” a sob escaping you between each word.

His smile widened slightly “I don’t think I will”. He kneeled down and placed a cold hand on your cheek. He pulled his hand back and licked away the tears that wetted his hand with a delighted hum. “Your tears are as exquisite as the smell of your fear”. He rose to his feet and turned on his heel “Wait here dearest”.

It didn’t take long before he returned with a crowbar in hand. The tip coated in dried blood. He smiled before he stopped in front of you. “You see my sweet [Name], it hurt me so very much when I smelled your scent in the city centre. Your heart rate was so high that one would think that you very running away from some sort of monster” he chuckled. “I am so glad I found you”. He leaned down slightly “But I can’t have you running of like that again. That would be unfortunate”.

“Please… I will never escape again! I promise!” you cried.

He tched. “Escape? One should think that I kidnapped you!” he laughed. “I believe you agreed upon staying here, am I right?” his canines showing. He kneeled down on his knees and took hold of your leg. He caressed it gently before he raised his crowbar and whacked it down on your ankle.

You screamed so loudly that you thought you would damage your hearing. Jouno winced slightly at your loud scream, but didn’t falter in his actions. The loud creaks of your bones filled the air. You screamed and kicked, but he didn’t budge in the slightest. He soon repeated the process on your other leg. The pain was unbearable and white dots speckled your vision. In the coroner of your eyes you could see Jouno’s gleeful smile. Now you would never dare to try to leave him.

[dailymothanon]

I’m back 🐶 thank you for being patient, things are relatively back to normal! Anyways I got some drawings… it’s the actual D&D au now! I’ve got plenty of ideas, but for now this is Alaska and Maine! Alaska is a Druid, circle of stars though his race is unknown (I also don’t have any general cloth ideas for him). It is noted he is very bird-like tho, no wings because he can just have a wild shape/starry form with a pair. Maine is a half human half beast, he’s quite prickly because unfortunately even in this au he still has to deal with the northeast 😒 (long rants of ideas below)

I also have other ideas for other states, but I haven’t drawn them yet. For New Jersey I’m thinking like Nevada he is a fae folk but of a bee; and he was born with deformed and torn wings that resemble the Jersey devil’s. But due to his deformity his “hive” decided to just toss him out because they wanted a big strong community with no one holding them back 😒 so maybe Jersey had to barely survive out there on his own, and in later years NY could’ve found him (I like to think he is a human knight, merely because instead of his bat he can have a sword) and took him in 😌 (and they were roommates)

Another idea I’ve got is for Texas! I would like to think he is a mostly human gunslinger who is legally blind (not totally blind, tho still very blind) but sees thru heat & taste, much like a snake does. Maybe he collects bounties, I haven’t really thought much for his lore yet 🤔 but he is one of the best gunslingers out there despite his disability!

Cali is also one I’ve thought up, I think he could be a dragon rider. A funny idea is that he has a scam where he and his dragon makes this whole act where he pretends to be a princess damsel in distress, being held captive by the big bag dragon and people who come and try to “save” him but it just ends up with Cali robbing them 😒 (love me a big flawed character)

As for Alaska, he’s as stated, a Druid of the circle of stars! He comes from an unknown island (just imagine irl state of Alaska except disconnected to any continent tbh) that’s gatekeeped gaslighted girlbossed because they don’t want no colonizers or anything ofc. But Alaska grew up hearing all about the other outside lands and he wanted to go see it! So one day he ventured into the continents (the one that contains all the other states except for Hawaii) and yaddy yadda; and Alaska is actually very curious and friendly in this au because he doesn’t have the trauma of outsiders 😌 he has a pet(s?) dog with three heads (ofc, Balto Togo and Fido) to accompany him! I haven’t designed his starry forms yet btw. And also he doesn’t really know how his Druid magic works somehow 🧎 it’s mostly innate and learned behaviors and habits and traditions. It just comes naturally to him! This is the biggest difference between him and Mass with magic, think of Alaska’s Druid magic as traditional and natural, meanwhile Mass’s sorcery as artificial and learned and studied magic. So it’s hard to say who between the two is better at magic

Maine is a half-human-half-beast, he faces discrimination because of it and there aren’t much others like him in at home land. He mostly doesn’t care but the occasional person really gets to him. Not really sure why he is half beast yet tho I don’t have the lore for that. Mass keeps trying to pester Maine about learning magic, as Mass is one of the best magic users in his region (and he’s quite boastful/egotistical because of it) so he believes Maine might be really good too, and Mass wants him to be able to know it when in times of need, but Maine doesn’t really listen 🙄 though he is nimble and quite good at sneaking!

My last minor ideas is that Ginny is a great swordsman (race undecided), Mass is probably a human sorcerer, Nevada is a fae folk, Ny is a human knight, and Hawaii 🤔 some sorta sea/ocean critter maybe? Dunno yet. Anyways I hope these ideas are cool and that you guys like them! I also want to mention I probably wont post daily still, I wanna do what’s comfortable for me.

[prof-peach]

Yknow what I don’t ever get to dive into this one, so for my own holiday fun, let’s elaborate on the ranger AU:

The girls are room mates, rivals for a long while, the tape line that divides their shared space like a battle zone.

Plum is obsessively neat about her books but otherwise is chaos, clothes everywhere, shoes scattered. Bed is about the only thing she makes and keeps clear to sit and work, desk is a mess of research notes and dog eared manuals. Her dratini is utter chaos, unruly doesn’t even describe how Missy is. Plum was raised in a very well off household but her family never came home, work keeping them almost completely busy. This leaves one girl who knows what she’s all about because she had to figure it out, plum is just as wild and chaotic as her Pokemon in her own snooty kind of way. Very particular teenager.

Meanwhile peach has never been allowed to be a kid, she was told what to do and when to do it, hobbies we’re chosen for her, free time used up working hard, training harder, her Pokemon just as pushed to keep up standards. The prodigal daughter put on a pedestal has nothing but pressure from day one. She doesn’t listen to music, have toys or hobbies, even her clothes are plain and not really things you’d fully expect a teenager to wear. She had to just go with her family always pushing her to do what they want and be who they expected. Failure was not met well. Her personal space is painfully tidy, purely because she doesn’t really have much to fill the space at the start. Val is volatile at best, but Bob keeps his sunny disposition, often out in the dorm room happily.

Plum soon realises peach has not developed a personal taste of her own, and cannot understand how that just never happened. So begins her task of getting peach to find things she likes and enjoys. None of her skills sound like things that excite her, peach is this dead pan teenager with no fire for anything. Her hot head rears up when she’s backed into a corner, so when pushed too hard peach snaps, she doesn’t know what she’s suppose to like or do, out of her family home she can only sit and watch others and try to assimilate quietly. A skill she’s quite good at, so most just assume she’s cold and distant by nature, an angry face leading to most leaving her alone.

Plum proceeds to open up a whole world of things for a teenager who never got the chance to just exist without an objective. Music, junk food, staying up late to play games or gossip. They sneak out to town, maybe they steal some overly sweet awful booze, maybe they hide it in their dorm to stay up and talk some nights. Plum gets peach to pick clothes she wants, tries to encourage her to care about anything noticing she’s got piercings, so like…punk?? Is that her thing? No clue, but it’s the total opposite to plums sporty preppy cute outfits, so together they look like night and day.

Their initial arguing and dislike of each other eases off fast, peach realises that maybe not everyone is so awful, and that she’s been stuck with a highly intelligent if not a little scatter brained girl who actually encourages her to live, not just simply exist. It is tentative steps into realising she is more than the weight of her family name.

Other dumb teenager things: peach pierces plums ears for her. Ranger team work tasks that the girls smash through. Late night dorm activities with the other students, you know, typical junk like spin the bottle and such.

Plum 100% is cocky and straightforward during a party and makes sure peach never lives down that she stole the grouchy girls first kiss, etched into her memory forever.

Peach realising “oh no. Very very not straight. Oh no.” To which she’s in deep denial and horrified, because her family CANNOT find out. Seeing as her mom likes to dig through her memories from time to time, peach is utterly terrified to go home.

Plum seeing her roommate return from a weekend back at her family house looking more exhausted and worn out than when she left. Never asks why, never pries, tries to be cheery and help peach not feel so crappy. Peach can’t ever tell her what she’s done, or the guilt she’s carrying around, and as they grow closer, it becomes harder to lie.

Then Booker happens, where the story line splits from canon to the ranger AU. Instead of peach taking the little mon and running, leaving plum without more than a ‘sorry’ and an old bangle on the dorm door handle, she instead cracks, can’t hide the truth anymore, packs up to leave, but can’t go without telling someone, anyone that she’s been a monster, and has to change. Has to do better than she had before. Through tears and drama the truth comes out, plum learns it all, and sees her best friend with a bag on her shoulder, running away.

Through a convincing speech and an understanding and grounded view on the situation plum gets peach to stay, with her, with the rangers, they’ll face it together. For once peach does not want to feel so alone, everything she’s ever done has been singular, even though she’s been surrounded by people pulling her strings, it’s never been because of care or love, just progress. ‘The family comes first’ echos in her mind, and she has to stop this cycle. So peach stays, is deathly afraid her family will hurt plum for getting involved, she hardly sleeps for a while, making sure the night is safe, that no one’s trying to tamper with the path she’s trying to stay on. A good one. A kinder one with less bloodshed.

Plum encouraged peach to take up boxing, for her anger, so she joins a club and finds a love for it. The gains begin, and plum is at every fight, shouting from the side lines. Peach loses a few and takes it really badly. Loss in her family is usually cause for punishment, for isolation or consequence. She expects the same from plum, shocked when it never comes. Her partner is nothing but worried bout the bruises, but seems very encouraging. This is not what was expected.

Plenty of later year teenage shenanigans. Usual suspects, figuring out things like future career options, sexuality, the parties, sneaking out, stress over exams, first hangovers, smoking a little pot after handing in final coursework as a celebration. Peach finds herself, but both girls find a family in each other. Thick as thieves, forever entangled in each others memories now.

The girls grow as rangers, have a few run ins with peach’s cousins but otherwise are left with only a few scars, scrapes and bruises, and eventually they graduate, top of their class none the less. The powerhouse duo that others couldn’t compete with.

Plums become the agile ranger she was meant to be, strategist, a woman who knows every option before you even take your first move, but she lacks practical instinct and brutality, which is peach’s area of expertise. It’s head and heart at it’s most perfect balance.

————————————————

I have so many little headcanons bout this alt set up, but I’m tired, it’s the holidays, and I wanted to blurt this one out. Sorry to all for putting up with me haha

Give me peach gut laughing for the first time and plum realising she’s totally mad for this person.

Give me ranger prom/graduation where they both dress up and get to sneak off and dance together.

Give me chaotic but perfectly drift compatible fights with them and their Pokemon.

Give me prank wars, makeup help, hair style tests, bad hair dye attempts, pizza hang outs.

Give me plum learning how to train Missy well with peach’s help.

Give me adoptive momma bears for Booker.

Give me them laughing so hard one of them nearly throws up at something so stupid and dumb.

Give me the moment that penny drops and they realise they can’t move forward without each other.

I am thriving on this.

[yaekiss]

#Mailroom Open! — HI QI! *falls to my knees* a letter for traveler!aether, any petnames are fine and i would love to have a nsfw + yandere reply <3

—

“To the love of my life, my dearest adventurer,

I’m hoping this letter actually reaches you. Really, how hard is it to stay in one place at a time? Somehow, having Paimon as a destination landmark seems to work. Ah, but don’t let her read this one…or open the gift that I’ve included… Just tell her I’ll give her some cookies when we see each other again!

Anyhow, enough about my complaints when sending a letter. I don’t know if I can go much longer without you. Oh, mighty traveler, how can you leave your partner in such a state? I fear that my imaginations have now run too wild now due to this. I’m this close to sending a commission to the Adventurer’s Guild where I’m able to ravish you on our bed for a day straight.

I wish you well on your journey in Sumeru, but please, come back soon. Diluc has threatened to ban me from his tavern because of my constant babbling of you, and not all of them are appropriate for the public.

—Your needy one.”

(The box that the letter is attached to contains some dried Windwheel Asters, but most importantly, a dog collar.)

꩜ Letter Content: GN! Dom! Top! Reader x Yan! Sub! Bottom! Aether, no gendered terms used for reader, Aether calls you "my star", unhealthy obsessive and possessive relationship from Aether, collar (used on Aether), small mention of edging and marking, lmk if I missed anything ! ꩜ Delivery Notes: It was ridiculously hard tracking the ever-elusive traveller down, but I did it! Looked like he was sporting some new accessory too, cool! ꩜ Wanna write a love letter yourself? Check out it out here!

Aether’s reply consists of two items: A small cloth drawstring sack made of a fabric that seems to faintly glitter in the sunlight and a separate wooden box. The box is slim, made of flawless Karmaphala wood with a hinged lid. The area for storing items is shallow so the gift he sent can't be all too big and it has you speculating as to what it could be.

Putting your curiosity aside for now, you first open the sack, only to see a void somehow contained inside. It looks like the night sky, the dark space adorned with the stars that Aether conjures up in his palm every once in a while to impress you. Trusting your dear traveller, you reach an arm in and pull out the first thing you come into contact with, a miniature little wood carving of him as an aranara (he’s written so much to you about the aranaras so to see him as one makes your heart melt a little). Afterwards, you continue retrieving the other included gifts like a bouquet of various Sumeru flowers preserved with his dendro elemental resonance. There’s also a tied stack of recipes along with an attached note saying: “So you can also have a taste of my journey so far!”

Finally, you dig around the empty space and pull out the last remaining item, his letter. The envelope he used is nothing out of the ordinary but what makes it endearing are all the silly doodles he scribbled on it. There’s one of the both of you on the back of a Sumpter Beast and another one of him popping out from a precious chest. In the top right corner, there’s a regional stamp exclusive to Sumeru, one specifically showcasing the scenery of Port Osmos. Now, the mailing system this time through the love hotel doesn’t really require a stamp. Still, he’s had this habit of writing back to you from his journey across Teyvat and through that, gifting you these little collectable stamps from the different nations. Quite sweet really!

Taking his note out, it’s written on a fairly normal parchment, the kind you could find at any general goods store. His response reads:

“Hello, my cherished starlight!

I’ve received your letter safely, thank you, my star! Sorry if it was hard for you to track me down, the recent developments in Sumeru just had me travelling around the region a lot :( There’s too much to unpack in this letter alone so I’ll just talk your ear off when I return to your side! :D 

Ah, I also apologise for being away for so long, my star. I know this trip to Sumeru has been one of the longest I’ve taken so far but please believe me when I say that I miss you just as much, if not tenfold more. The company here is nice but they could never compare to you, the warmth of your body next to mine, the way your hands roam allll over me. There’s no one quite like you, my star! I miss you so so so much, and I quite love how much you seem to miss me too… 

Did you like the bottomless sack I gave you? It’s like the one I use on my journeys, really useful for when you have too many things you want to bring with you on a trip! Maybe I could even get you in my bag… haha kidding! I know you wouldn’t want to be cramped up next to my Sweet Madames and Paimon’s snacks so I’ll just stick to inviting you along for my adventures, my star.

Speaking of adventures, maybe you should put out that commission to the Adventurers’ Guild. After all, it wouldn’t be right for the Honorary Knight to leave someone so direly in need of help. And if I happened to get my brains fucked out by a very familiar employer, it’ll certainly be a welcome surprise. What would your reaction be if I showed up at your doorstep with the collar you gifted me around my neck? Would you loop your finger through it and pull me in for a heated kiss for everyone to see? Drag me into your bed and pound me senseless? Until the both of us can’t come anymore? Gods, I’m getting giddy with desire, I need you right now, my star. :((( To appease your appetite and imagination, I managed to leave a message for you using a stone mirror I obtained during my trip that serves as some sort of recording device. Watch it while you’re alone, I don’t want any prying eyes around, it’s just for you, my star. Hopefully, after this, you won’t have to resort to rambling to Diluc while drunk.

I think that’s enough rambling from me, go watch my message and tell me what you think! I look forward to your reply, my favourite star~

My love for you spans across worlds,

- Aether -”

Impatiently, you reach over to the box and hurriedly unlatch it, quickly flipping the lid open. A polished smooth stone slab gleams back at you. Underneath the glossy surface, there’s some sort of dense fog, coiling and drifting like smoke. Running your hand over it seems to do the trick, the fog ripples like a droplet on a serene lake and morphs into the image of a scene. It shifts into the rough shape of Aether seated on a bed, the smoky edges in the picture are soft and look like they blur into each other, and the colours are slightly muted. But you still manage to make out the collar he’s holding in his hands. The exact one you gave him in your previous letter.

“Is the mirror working well for you, my star? I hope it is, I wouldn’t want you to miss this.” His voice is sultry and his gaze through the tablet even more so. He strips slowly for you, sensually peeling each article of clothing off, all while running his hands across his body. Occasionally, he tweaks his nipples to let you hear his cute yelps or strokes his already drooling cock, edging himself as he whines for you to touch him, to fill him up. 

“Ah, before I forget,” he eagerly fumbles with the dog collar and secures it snugly around his neck, “There we go, perfect!” Shifting closer to the stone mirror, he tilts his head for you to see the new accessory.

“Maybe you could even attach a tag with your name on it to the front,” Aether says, and you think you can see hearts in his eyes as a light blush overtakes his features.

“Aww, I think I’m running out of recording time for this, I’ll see you soon, my favourite star!” The scene freezes and you’re left with Aether beaming back at you and a burning lust to see your dear traveller again.

However, the still image of the final frame ripples once again. For a split second, you think his message will replay but what appears on the surface of the stone is vastly different. The visage changes to Aether’s back view while he’s still on the bed, knees tucked under him. The collar is already on him in this one so it must have been recorded after the previous message. Now that you have a good view of his bare back, you can tell that the marks you left on his back are fading, no longer the angry bright red from the night the two of you spent together before he departed for Sumeru.

“Ugh, they’re so faded now.” You pick up on the disappointed note in Aether’s voice. He looks over his shoulder, brushing his long hair aside. He’s probably using the stone as an actual mirror to examine his back. Did he know it was recording?

“I’ve been away for too long…” He murmurs as his face turns back before he continues, “But when did they even get close with Diluc anyway, spending so much time with him?” The simmering rage (jealousy?) in his voice startles you slightly. You’ve witnessed Aether’s anger and frustration in the past but you’ve never heard him use such a harsh inflection before. 

“Looks like I’ll have to cut this trip short.” 

The darkening tone in his voice is unnerving, and you don’t know if you’re lucky or not that you’re unable to see the expression on his face.

Thanks for reading! Consider supporting me on kofi if you enjoyed this or check out my other works hehe ♡

[maegalkarven]

Family matters.

m!(trans)Dark Urge x Enver Gortash.

Brainworms finally got to me, I caved in and wrote a oneshot on the topic of "but what if Durge and Gortash had a child prior to all that mess"

Featuring my Dark Urge Levi, pre- and post- memory loss.

There was a living, breathing infant child in his arms; and for the first time in a long while Lord Enver Gortash was in complete loss at what to do.

“What is it?” fell rather flat down, a poor excuse of a question.

Leviathan rolled his eyes.

“A meaty flesh of some newly created life,” he huffed, visibly annoyed. “Also known as a child. I assume you’ve met their kind?”

Enver felt anger rise alongside with deeply rooted annoyance. Whatever spectacle the bhaalspawn decided to partake in, now was not the time for that. Neither it was the time for his witty itty remarks.

“I am well aware it’s a child,” he argued back just as sullenly, the said child held loosely in his arms. In his arms. Why was there a child in his arms? They were not made for holding babies.

“I’m asking why is it a child and why is it here. The questions any sane person in my place would indulge in.”

There was something...off about the bhaalspawn.

Not only Enver hadn’t seen the man for almost the entity of a year, an assassin always claiming some task of utmost importance, but now he decided to pop out of the thin air with a live child in a tow and immediately push said child into his, Enver Gortash’s, not so open arms.

It was alarming, to say the least.

“Oh, that,” Levi waved him off like it was a casual annoyance and not a conversation two adults, so-conspirers - partners - had. Like Gortash imposed himself into his free time and personal space and not the other way around. “It’s yours.”

It’s what?

“Or at least I assume it’s yours,” Leviathan followed as Enver’s thoughts came to a rapid halt. “Since I haven’t touched anyone alive but you in a long time. And look where it led me,” the look of pure disdain was all the child was getting, it seemed. “A freshly made meaty cage for a new soul. Disgusting. You’d think Father would make this shit stop and would not allow a child of banite to be born, but I guess any bhaalspawn is a good little pawn under his merciful gaze. Anyway,” a wild, excusing gesture of a hand. “I don’t have any use for this...thing. Sceleritas suggested to bring it into the fold and let my men do all the work, but well, the bother. So you can take it instead,” a winning smile what would work wonders if not for the whole absurdity of the situation Gortash just found himself in. “Think of it as of a gift. A proof of my loyalty to our cause, hm?”

Sometimes the bastard was more annoying than he was charming and his presence took a toll on the man.

Sometimes Enver wanted nothing more than to break Levi’s pretty slender neck.

That was one of these times.

“And what am I supposed to do with it?”

“Oh, whatever you want,” another wide, generous gesture. This asshole truly thought of that...child as if of a gift to be given away, didn’t he?

Enver shouldn’t have been surprised, not really, he knew Leviathan’s stance on children.

“Taste good, not much of use when alive, it’s funny when they die first” – was as good of a take as one could expect from the leader of the Cult of Murder.

“You can throw it away or feed it to the dogs. You can raise it or give it to a hag or even sell it to the devil,” another smile that’s more malicious than anything else. “I don't really care, if I'm being honest.”

Unfortunately, killing a bhaalspawn when you were holding just another bhaalspawn would prove to be close to impossible.

It would have to wait, and Leviathan Anchev still had his uses, bratty as he was.

And his appeal, as deadly as that ordeal proved to be. Or how complicated.

A child, huh? Well, Enver supposed every ruler needed an heir.

“Bring me the wizard,” was the first order out of his mouth when bhaalspawn left. The child was safely given into the care of the first competent older servant, who looked just as bewildered as Gortash himself felt. “Tell him to scan the...the-“

“The boy, my lord.”

“Right, tell the mage to scan the boy’s heritage. Let’s find who his parents are, shall we?”

Trusting a psycho murderer was an awful idea even at the safest of times, and now were not those. Levi would lie just to fuck with Enver. Levi had to lie, because there was no way this infant boy was actually his, Enver’s, flesh and blood.

***

Leviathan Anchev did not lie.

***

Levi moved away to sprawl his body across the bed, the creature of leisure he was. He sniffed the air and then wrinkled his nose, closer to an animal than any other person Gortash has ever known. More appealing in that, in his beast-like fluid grace.

“You still have this thing around,” the man commented, frowning. “Why? Playing the dollhouse? How...quant.”

“This thing has a name,” Enver couldn’t not parry. “Noah.”

Leviathan groaned.

“Oh, spare me the details; I want nothing to do with that flesh meat. Having to carry it inside my body for almost a year was a bother enough. Almost cut it out myself on multiple occasions, but Sceleritas insisted the internal damage I’d deal would be too great to handle. Idiot.” A moment of a thoughtful pause.

“You know what my destiny is, right?”

A searching gaze, reaching hands, clawed fingers cupping Enver’s cheeks almost gently. Something changed between them some time ago, but what it was Lord Gortash could not pinpoint. 

Yet something...Shifted.

Levi searching his face for some kind of acknowledgement was a sign of this.

Leviathan Anchev Enver first met would not care less about his approval. Leviathan Anchev of now was Enver’s nearest and dearest and it was pretty much a mutual kind of thing.

“I know.”

To kill everyone in the world and then himself. In Bhaal’s name. A gruesome fate, and pointless. Dull, lacking of any grandiose his, Enver’s, path had.

If only he could break off this deadly conviction in his dear ally, if only there was a way to make him stray out of this path...

They could be good for each other. They could rule together as the gods of the new age; glorious, undefeatable, perfect.

The rulers Toriel truly deserved.

“Then you know I’ll have to kill this...thing,” a moment of barely noticeable hesitation. “This... Noah.”

Enver also knew he would rather see his lover bleed on the altar of his dreadful father than let it happen.

“I do.”

“I,” another uncertain pause. “I was planning to leave you for last. To kill you and myself in one final blow; a perfect tribute to Father. But,” and really, those damn pauses were starting to get on Enver’s nerves. Levi was never short of words before, so what in the nine hells had happened? “Would you rather prefer I’d do you and...Noah... together? To kill you two in one blow?”

Ah.

Enver saw it for what it was, in the uncertain, searching gaze of his unlucky lover, in the carefulness with which he produced words.

Something warm flooded out the irritation from before; something warm and soft and entirely fragile.

It was mercy, the only kind of mercy the bhaalspawn could know. Leviathan Anchev, the man fully capable of destroying everyone and everything on his wake, offered him a tiny piece of his own surrender. A confirmation of his affections, almost a confession.

In some ways he did care.

“That would be very considerate of you, yes,” he agreed, bringing bhaalspawn close. His bhaalspawn, his ally, his lover. The father of his son.

If there was a way of bringing Bhaal down without bringing Levi with him, Enver would find and utilize it. Otherwise he’d have to kill the best partner in crime he has ever had.

And that would be...unfortunate.

Levi leaned into the touch, soft and gentle in a way he has never been before; almost fragile.

Trusting.

“Does it...know about me?” came out in a whisper, almost unbidden.

“He knows you exist,” was all the response Enver could give, enveloping his assassin into his arms, holding him closely, firmly, painfully so.

The bhaalspawn squirmed for a moment before finally settling in.

“Oh,” he breathed out. “I didn’t think you would...What you would tell him I do. Exist, I mean. I’d expect you’d spin a tale of some tragically dead wife or-“

“There is no tragically dead wife,” Enver cut off, feeling rather irritated. A mystery of complications, his dear murderer. “Only a lunatic of a murderer for a father. Not what Noah knows that, he knows we’re working together and what you’re a very busy man.”

“Hmph,” Levi’s breath brushed Enver’s neck. “I guess that is true.”

“Do you want to,” and now it was his time to be a hesitant bother. “Meet him?

At that Leviathan actually laughed.

“Oh, absolutely not, keep him and that strange dollhouse of yours as far away from me as possible. I have things to do, people to kill, empires to rule. I don’t have time for meat-things, of my own creation or not.”

And just like that, it was as if nothing has changed.

***

The alarm goes off the moment Karlach finishes the last of the Hands and flies into a wall by the force of the explosive detonating right into her face.

Enver doesn’t stop to register that, or to look around at the bodies of his faithful, to mourn his perfectly constructed plans – his watch, the Iron Throne, the little fireworks shop – because the alarm in Noah’s private chambers went off and it only means one thing.

Intruders.

He skips one step at the time climbing up the steep steps to the higher, more private level.

Could that be the remaining of Orin’s assassins?

Levi said he dispatched of them all, but surely some had to survive by the sheer luck of not being in the temple at the moment. Are those Ravengard’s forces, Florrick’s?

Is it Leviathan, finally coming to sniff out the life he himself created?

He is vaguely aware of the younger Ravengard and the pale elf taking the chase after him, of Karlach joining in.

They think he is escaping.

Idiots.

Enver tries not to think what he is leading the enemies right to his son; he’ll deal with them later. Right now there’s blazing alarm shrieking what something is wrong – and indeed it is, as he discovers with the first body lying dead on the floor. Then the second. Then the third.

All of them – with their throats ripped open, Leviathan’s favorite style.

Enver turns the corner and reaches for the door handle – the door is unlocked and half open: this is bad, bad, bad-

Then he hears a laughter and pauses.

He opens the door slowly and carefully instead of throwing it open as he intended at first.

And sees...

Levi is sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning slightly forward.

Across of him, sitting in the exact same – ridiculous – pose sits the boy not older than five. He has a dark messy hair, blazing green eyes what betray his nature, and the new game Gortash brought to him just recently. He is trying to explain the rules to the tiefling in front of him, who listens attentively, nodding here and there.

“Wow,” Leviathan Anchev comments with an air of nonchalance he didn’t have before. “I did not understand a thing. But good for you, lil one, good for you.”

“It’s really not that difficult,” Noah insists. “I can teach you! We can play together.”

Enver steps closer, somehow is still not detected neither by his son nor by his...his what?

Karlach almost crashes into the doorframe after him, but somehow manages to steady herself, takes in the view in front of her – and freezes.

So do the other two of Levi’s unruly companions. Gortash especially doesn’t like the pale one; he has a habit of sticking way closer to the bhaalspawn than it is proper.

“I am not that good at these kinds of games,” Levi admits as his tail flips from side to side and nostrils flare; he has detected him. Probably smelled before sensing. “But I have a friend with a real knack for them. He is a wizard and knows a lot of fun things; I think you’d get along.”

Noah looks uncertain.

“Are you sure?” he looks down. “I don’t think...I’m not allowed outside.”

“Really? And why is that?”

“Well,” the boy fidgets with his game. “Father says people who oppose him would try to use me against him, if they knew I existed. So I am kind of...a secret? It’s for my own safety!” he immediately adds, seeing Leviathan’s face blank out. “There’s a murderer on the loose, she really doesn’t like father despite supposedly working with him. Father says she will kill me if she finds out I exist.”

“Oh,” Levi looks taken aback at that. “I don’t think you need to worry about that anymore. If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about, then she has been dealt with already.”

“Oh!” Noah brightens. “By whom?”

“By me. But say,” the spawn looks quizzically at the child in front of him, frowning slightly. “Is it just your father and you? Where’s your mother?”

“I don’t have one,” and this is definitely the moment then Enver needs to intervene, but he is just...frozen in place, turned to stone.

Leviathan Anchev he knew hated children.

This Leviathan Anchev is talking to a child as it was his best friend.

“I have a dad though!” Noah is a sweet fool, Enver taught him much better than telling complete strangers his entire life’s story. Stop. Talking. “He is...working a lot and is too busy to visit,” the boy looks down gloomily. “But! He and father are very close; they even stole from the devil together!”

Levi blinks. Then blinks once more. Then again.

“The devil, you say?” and is it just Gortash’s imagination, but did the man’s voice just rise up an octave?

“Yes! And not just any devil, the achdevil Mephistopheles!” Noah looks so absurdly proud of that it hurts. “They snuck right into his home, stole a crown from his vault and returned here. Unspotted, unstopped. Victorious.”

“What the fuck?” Karlach lets out and both the boy and the bhaalspawn who created him turn to the door.

Noah’s face immediately brightens.

“Father!” he exclaims, hastily getting to his feet and rushing to him. Behind the boy Levi gives the man the most bewildered stare he has ever seen.

“You have a child!” young Ravengard speaks out with the accusation in his voice. Enver really isn’t sure whom the man is addressing.

Noah is unperturbed.

“Father, I met a really cool guy, his name is Levi and he must be your friend because he came here with no problem at all; and he has children at his camp, two girls named Yenna and Arabella. Arabella is a druid because she stole the idol of Sylvanus and it gave her powers, and Yenna has a cat! But the cat is anxious so I shouldn’t pet it, but I can look at it! Please, can I look at Yenna’s cat? Levi said the evil murderer is dealt with, so it’s probably safe. And Levi can guard me if needed. Also there’s a vampire spawn in his camp and-“

The pale elf coughs.

“Hello there,” he tries, pulling a not entirely convincing smile up his lips. “A vampire spawn speaking. And you would be...”

“I am Noah!” says Noah right away; and did Enver shelter him too much? Damn, he has sheltered him too much. Look at the boy, he wants to befriend a vampire spawn. “I’m the son of the Archduke! Hello.”

“Yes, hi,” the elf looks at Levi uncertainly and back. “So...”

“So,” the bhaalspawn steps forward, the bewildered look stuck to his face. He crouches down to Noah’s level and takes his hands into his calloused and clawed ones. “So Noah...Your dad is the man who helped your father to steal the crown from the devil, is that right?”

Noah nods vigorously and Enver takes his time to observe the scene; the two bhaalspawns in front of each other, Levi’s posture, his relaxed shoulders, his slightly shaking hands. The tail that seems to have a life on its own and moves agitatedly behind its owner.

Three companions of the bhaalspawn, all somewhat stuck in place, with different levels of surprise stitched up their faces. The pale elf – a step closer, almost lingering at Leviathan’s side. Annoying.

Yet somehow, no matter how hard Gortash looks at it, he doesn’t sense any danger. Doesn’t see it, even with Karlach still aflame by the doorframe.

“Yep,” Noah agrees eagerly. “I wish he’d come to meet me soon. He will come, right? Once the work is done and all,” the boy sighs. “I mean, I am his son, surely he would care to come to meet me.”

“Um,” the tiefing looks uncertain. “And what if...something happened to him? What if he, say, lost his memories?”

“How? Did something hit him in the head?”

The vampire spawn chokes on a laugh and Levi rolls his eyes at him.

“Sure,” he agrees. “Let’s call it that. So...what if he doesn’t...exactly remember having you?”

“You mean if he’s lost and doesn’t know he needs to come back?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, I guess I’d come looking for him. He is my other father. It’s important.”

The force of conviction behind these words hits harder than a thunderwave.

Leviathan blinks hard, clears his throat, and then-

“You...don’t have to. I don’t remember much about my life before...certain events, but it was made adamantly clear to me I was the one to break into the Mephistopheles’ vault with your father. And if your dad is who did that, then,” he stops. “Then I guess- Enver, are you really just going to stand here like a fucking statue? Tell me if this is what I think it is or not.”

“You swore!”

“No, the fuck, I did not. Enver-“

“Now you swore twice!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake-“

“So,” Gortash steps forward, a lazy smile dancing on his lips. Gods only know how much this smile costs him. “You have known your son for the entirety of twenty minutes and already taught him a swear word. Really impressive.”

“Father?”

“Oh, listen here, you poignant prick-“

This, Enver thinks, is what family feels like.

[caliburn-not-calculator]

I’m not really sure how unpopular of an opinion this is in the fandom since it’s honestly not discussed a lot, but since it’s mentioned rather often on the pod I’ll go ahead a say it. I don’t like Dani/Davion. It feels remarkably forced. 

Before I get any further, I really don’t want this to come off as shading any one who does like this ship. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, and there are even a few circumstances where I can see the appeal. Everyone’s allowed to like whatever they want to like. Personally, it’s not my cup of tea, which I’m about to explain why, but if it’s yours, go nuts and have fun. That’s what fandom is for. 

Anyways, I don’t like Dani/ Davion as a couple. It feels very hetero/amatonnormative to me. Oh a guy and a girl are bickering, that must mean they like each other and are secretly pining inside. I’m quite bored of this. Obviously this is a popular troupe for a reason, and I can…*understand* the appeal. I’m just… tired of it. 

What I *can* say is I do like Dani & Davion. As like, frenemies would be the word I guess. They’re very funny. I like that they bring out sides of each other that we don’t really see otherwise. Bad sides, they’re catty bitches and it’s great. I think the dynamic of having two people who constantly, *genuinely!!!* what to rip out the other’s throat, but also, to one degree or another, trust each other is very compelling and entertaining. I genuinely liked the moment in 5.6 when Dani asked Davion to defend Brass because she couldn’t be there. As much as she rags on him, deep down she does actually trust him. 

What I don’t like is when this dynamic is turned fully, cleanly romantic. It feels like it just flattens it down a lot. Perhaps this really is just an issue I’m having because of my particular experience being aroacespec. I find a lot of character dynamics far less interesting when they get cleanly slotted into the “romantic” category instead of all the messy facets and feelings that can exist in nebulous platonic/queerplatonic spaces getting to be explored (This is true of any gender parting btw). 

Rolling with difficulty is a show I enjoy so much largely because of the vast variety of relationships in it. There are so many different relationship smoothies with different amounts of platonic or familial or alterous love blended in. Each of them have distinct tastes even if they have similar ingredients to another paring. None of the platonic bonds are treated as less valuable than the romantic ones, none are treated like they need to turn romantic in order to deepen or obtain true value. (Shoutout to aromantic Kyana and her bestie Ione, I loved their convo in 5.6 too.) 

None of them, I feel… except for Dani & Davion. 

I know really all the Davani teases have been out of character by the players, but I actually think that’s why it bothers me. It’s literally out of character. It’s forced. Organically, without outside forces like players’ out of character preferences (which of course have a place in ttrpg settings, I’m speaking solely from an in universe perspective/preference) I really don’t think either Dani or Davion would ever see the other as a romantic partner. It just doesn’t fit. I could see them growing very close, continuing with the dynamic they currently have— tearing into each other like wild dogs anytime they meet, but under the surface, the trust growing and maybe after a while even respect too. And that’s the dynamic I like. 

I think the TL;DR here is something adjacent to: I’m not a fan of romantic relationships being treated as a better version of platonic ones, and, although in general RWD is very good about not falling into that hole, I feel like to a certain degree Davani (as a romantic relationship) does.

So sorry for the essay, but I’ve kind of been stewing on this for a while and it feels kinda good to get it all out in words. (Reiterating no shade if you like this ship, this is just my personal opinion! :D)

Oh this is very fair, I have to say I agree with you. It was kinda funny but yeah it never felt compelling to me, more like a joke than anything.

You put this incredibly well so I’m not sure I can say much that builds upon other than, yes, I get that.

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': Pabu

So, maybe it's because the Razorbacks are currently up over the Tigers, which makes Doug's LSU loving self extra fired up this evening, but I have made the mistake of asking him again about his opinion on the episode after 'The Outpost', which was 'Pabu'.

He called this both 'HR Goes to Daytona' and 'Did I miss an episode?'.

Doug: Make sure you put one of my Baton Rouge boys on the internet too right now. GEAUX TIGERS.

CW: Doug insults everyone, everything, and is generally a cantankerous old jerk in this one. His wife should have unplugged his internet. Lots of adult everything, ranging from language to...well, if you're under 18, please be warned.

Prepare thyself, especially if you're a TechxPhee fan. The amount of angry emojis I got in the text messages were pretty wild.

----

'Pabu' aka 'HR Goes to Daytona'

Oh it’s Church Lady and it’s Sunday service. Why is little orphan blondie in the bar with her? Daddy Rambo has his knife but you know the man was plowing vodka out of sight here. He’s tired.

I thought he hated Church Lady? Did I miss an episode?

Ah, now Ryan-from-Accounting is playing solitaire. Atta boy, get your mind off the bitch wife Laura. If he makes out with that garbage robot I’ll throw up. 

Time to skee-daddle. Woah! Church Lady just grabbed Ryan-from-Accounting. That man looks terrified, probably because he found a Youtube video of her taking down muggers behind Manning's after a Pelicans game. Bitch wife Laura gonna blow a gasket.

But such is the way of the Church Lady, I have known many in my day. “I groped the hot new usher in Jesus’s house, but it’s okay, The Lord forgives”.

(praise the Lord and pass the Tabasco)

No, seriously, did I miss an episode? I feel like I did.  

Houma-BBQ bitch is bitching, as is her wont. I wonder what sauce her tail would taste best with. Carolina Gold? I’d cook her brisket style. Oh, wait, back to the show. 

And now they’re on paradise! Daytona Beach! Who is this guy, he looks like he used to play hoops now he plays how much dessert he can eat at Golden Corral. Props to him, that lava cake is gold. Hope Rex and Toaster Strudel are there.

Where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

No, really, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

I’m getting real mad here, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel. 

CHURCH LADY, GET BACK IN YOUR SPACE UBER AND GO FIND REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MUSEUM OF SHIT YOU FOUND IN PEOPLE’S BACKYARDS AND THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE KEY LARGO PUBLIX, GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL.

SHOVE RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING BACK INTO THE DRIVER’S SEAT, PAY FOR HIS GAS, AND GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. 

“You have some competition”. From what, there’s gonna be a hot dog eating contest or something? Why does Ryan-from-Accounting look so upset? 

(“I think they’re trying to set him and Phee up, Doug.” “What, when did that happen? Did I miss an episode?”)

Ryan-from-Accounting looks either sad or excited and I’m so confused. Maybe it’s because I’ve been married since before the dinosaurs but why is he either frowning and freaked out by Church Lady or smiling at Church Lady? Is he having a breakdown like my nephew did after he lost his job? Does Bitch Wife Laura know about this? Does he like Church Lady or is he planning on pepper spraying her? Did I miss an episode? Is this how the children flirt on the Ticky-Tack? No wonder y’all aren’t getting married any more. 

(“Doug, you did not miss an episode. And it is called Tik-Tok.” “I MISSED AN EPISODE. I KNOW I DID, AND IT IS CALLED THE TICKY-TACK!!!”) 

Ya know who would solve these questions? REX AND MOTHER LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL, WHO AIN’T HERE. THEY NEED TO BE HERE. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THEM CHURCH LADY. 

Oh lovely, Hoops forgot to make a reservation at BoneFish, so they’re having his gas station sushi. Not one shrimp or crab on that table? Y’all Hoops is failing so hard right now, as a boy from Louisiana I’m just offended. His momma raised that man WRONG. 

You know who would love sushi on the beach while watching the sun set? REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL, and Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger too. 

I MISS SASSY PARK RANGER ALREADY!!!!!!

But no, Rex and Toaster Strudel are busy at work saving the galaxy while Julio and the gang throw back cocktails and stare at the sun like they dropped cheap acid they bought in a sketchier part of Biloxi. Which is all of Biloxi, I guess. 

Oh, and Ryan-from-Accounting is awkward around Church Lady and stares at his phone lest that Bitch Wife Laura of his get a snap of them sitting together and Little Orphan Blondie pets a monkey. I hope they all get food poisoning. I’m so mad.

They need Toaster Strudel the way I need FSU to lose this weekend, I have money on that game too. WHY IS ARKANSAS STILL UP IN THE SECOND QUARTER.

Ah, Little Orphan Blondie’s on a boat with her new buddy, that’s nice. If she doesn’t find Rex and Toaster Strudel out in the ocean with James Cameron I hope–oh, shoot, I was in the navy. I know what that water means. Oh boy.

Well bless Ryan-from-Accounting, he watches Big Tuna and knows how to do a rescue. Church Lady looks happy. He finally touched her, it only took a natural disaster and a whole lot of nagging on her part. Oh, poor Church Lady, you need a guy who actually likes you back. 

Seriously, why does that man look like the subject of them shitty videos HR makes us watch once a year so we don’t get sued? I don’t know, but I’m starting to understand why his Bitch Wife Laura is the way she is. I can’t believe the episode they filmed in Daytona makes me feel for her, but it do. 

(“Doug, you’re making up Bitch Wife Laura in your head. She’s not in the show.” “Well, it’s clear that I missed some episodes, so maybe I missed the Bitch Wife Laura ones.” “No, you didn’t miss any, I promise.” “Are you SURE?!”)

Man, the tsunami got people running like it’s Black Friday Wal-Mart in Tampa. But they rescued an old guy and Daddy Rambo got the stolen work truck working to rescue the kids. Hooray, I guess. 

You know who would have done a better job? Of all of this?

REX AND MOTHER-LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL. But they ain’t here!

(Doug's love for them runs hard and it runs deep, for which I can empathize)

You know who should have been on a beach horking down Mai Tais and getting into Church Lady and her handsy hands?

POOR POOR SASSY PARK RANGER. BUT HE DIED BACK IN WYOMING.  I bet he’d love a back massage from Church Lady too! He’d sass her, she’d sass him back, and they’d make out on the beach while Daddy Warcrimes played the saxophone behind them or something. I support that. I’d like that. He’s got brown eyes.*

Make it work, Star Wars, damn it. 

(Doug has unlocked a new rarepair, I guess: Mayday and Phee? WTF?)

Well they’re hanging out here in Daytona for the time being, I guess. Julio passed out under a tree like a drunk uncle at a cookout. Everyone's smiling.

I’d be smiling too, knowing that REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL ARE ACTUALLY SAVING PEOPLE WHILE YOU CLOWNS STOMP AROUND FLORIDA. 

Stop smiling at Church Lady, Ryan-from-Accounting! Is it because you finally filed HR complaint paperwork or because you filed for divorce papers from Bitch Wife Laura? Why are you smiling?! Church Lady belongs to Sassy Park Ranger! 

(“Doug…Sassy Park Ranger’s dead. He and Church Lady never met. You need to stop.” “IF THEY CAN BRING PALPATINE BACK, THEY CAN BRING SASSY PARK RANGER BACK TOO!”) 

*=I NEED FAN ART OF THIS NOW, please @amalthiaph! Help me out!

[searenbound]

I wanted to do some emotional cheating hcs with (Yn) as the other woman. I have posts saying how I think it’d play out with Sero so I thought I’d start with them since the ground work is done. Feel free to request others!

Warnings: emotional cheating (a situationship that was broken off physically but not emotionally), afab reader with she/her pronouns, vaginal sex described, oral (female and male receiving), jealousy, written with plus size reader in mind

Pairing: Hanta Sero x reader

-It was just a casual fwb arrangement

-Just two friends with high drives helping each other out between relationships

-That’s what it was supposed to be, but just a friend doesn’t know all your favorite positions, doesn’t know how you taste, doesn’t invite you over to fuck you stupid every time they’ve had a bad day

-And just a hookup doesn’t know your shoe and dress size or your favorite restaurant and certainly wouldn’t have charmed your family or even get you incredibly thoughtful gifts

-So of course it felt like a slap to the face when he tells her he met someone so they should stop

-Felt even worse when he went back to treating her like just his best friend and insisted they meet

-His new girl was pretty and tall and thin

-Thinner than herself, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he called it off because of some shallow need for a more conventionally appealing piece of eye candy

-Well, at least at first, but things didn’t seem any different between them aside from the lack of sex

-He still called often and she knew it must’ve made his new girlfriend furious because he was always so quick to get off the call when they got back from whatever they were doing

-He still bought her nice gifts for holidays and her birthday, much nicer than you should for a former fling

-And it was cruel, she knew it was, but she took satisfaction in knowing that they were rocky in their relationship

-He confided in her too often

-She knew he hated their friends and them his and how he wished it was easier like it is with her

-She guessed that’s why he’s been leaving hangouts so early, new girl must’ve been calling him away out of jealousy

-She couldn’t blame them though

-And apparently they were a bad cook since he always complained about how he missed when she would cook for him the mornings after they’ve spent the night together

-She had fun teasing him about how he should be careful or she’ll start to think he was flirting with her and start drama for him and his girlfriend about it

-Of she knew she already did though

-She’s heard all about how he ended up in the dog house when he got back with leftovers she’s packed for him to take

-And she’d take a wild guess and say he wasn’t getting enough attention from them because he seemed rather concerned with what or who she did in her free time

-Paying way too close of attention to Mina’s gushing about some guy she wanted to hook her up with and ignoring the conversation he was actually a part of

-She made a show of considering and watched him get more agitated out the corner of her eye until he found an excuse to borrow her for a moment to question what she was doing

-“What? Am I supposed to stay single? Might I remind you you’re dating someone who’s not me Hanta?” “Please (Yn), that guys not even your type. Why pretend—” “You sound jealous, if you don’t want me seeing other men fine, but either make up your mind about who you want or let me make it for you and live my life”

-He wants to argue, make some type of joke about it, anything but admit he’s being an ass, but he knows she’s right

-It shouldn’t bother him this much and it’s not fair to the girl he’s got waiting at home

-Does he even want who he has at home? Maybe they should take a break?

-They do and he knows he shouldn’t have, but he ends up in a familiar bed with a plush warm body that just feels so right to be inside of

-And he realizes he missed this, missed the way his name rolls off her tongue when his tongue is working her to her peak and how her lips felt wrapped around him

-Missed watching how her ass bounced when she rode him reverse cowgirl and how she’d talk back when he’d dirty talk her

-Missed that pretty fucked out expression she’d make when she was satisfied

-He can’t go back to his ex and he definitely can’t just be friends with (Yn) anymore

[wraithdance]

I need to work on something so here’s a far off snippet for stray dogs for Wip Wednesday

Cw: therapy speak, suicidal ideations, avoidant attachment traits

Dr. Hasan hesitates, “I’d like you to dig into that for me. You just said you feel uncomfortable that Johnny keeps trying. That’s something we can work with. What’s the emotion at the end of that?”

Your nails dig into the fleshy part of your palm. Dr. Hasan shifts in her armchair, openly staring. Waiting.

“Nothing. There is nothing at the end of that.”

You don’t think she tries very hard to cover up her exasperation with you. Her clear disappointment in your lack of answer and the line of questioning is making your heart beat rapidly in your chest. You’re trying not to fidget under her calculating stare but it’s hard not to keep your knee from jerking. She sees it.

“Try again.”

You frown.

“What?”

Dr. Hasan gestures to you with the hand holding her pen and cocks her head. “I said, try again. I don’t buy that you don’t know what’s making you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about to be honest,” you’re hissing through your teeth, “Do you want me to make something up?”

She flicks the fabric of her saree and makes a sound low in her chest that sounds like an exasperated chuff.

The effort it takes not to yell is surprisingly difficult, you can taste blood in your mouth where the fleshy side of your cheek is compressed against the vice of your molars.

You didn’t yell. You didn’t get upset.

She’s pushing something that makes you want to balk. Or worse. But your body is welded into the leather seat by a thin layer of sweat. You don’t have to see yourself reflected in her brown eyes or glasses to know the mask is slipping.

“I’m not your counselor.” She says after several terse seconds. “You’ve made it clear that you have no desire to be my client.”

“I don’t want-”

She interrupts.

“So there’s no need for you to lie to me. We can just sit here until you can answer the question until that,” she points to the analog clock behind her “clock marks it’s time for my badminton match at 5pm or…”

she doesn’t finish the sentence, purposely lets it crash and burn in the air.

“I don’t know and I don’t feel anything more than discomfort.” You press your nails harder into your palm.

“As much as you’d like me to believe you’re a sociopath, you’re not convincing me. Try again.”

“What?”

“Try again-”

you snap.

“I said I don’t fucking KNOW!”

You’re only slightly aware of your upturned chair and the frantic line your legs force you to march in slow jerky movements.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

You’re temporarily deaf over the loud pressure building in your eardrums like rhythmic claps. Dr. Hasan calls your name but it’s muffled.

The crack of Spirit’s neck under your grandfather's weathered hands brings the flood of sound back.

“I don’t know what I feel! I don’t know why he won’t just leave. I just need him to leave and he won’t go!”

You stop pacing when your vision goes black at the edges.

“He’s always fucking there when I turn around. He’s always talking and breathing and touching me just like-”

Your hands shake badly when you press them into your eyes until the blackness dances behind your eyelids. But the dull pain does nothing, there’s something wrong inside of you.

You turn tear soaked eyes to her when she doesn’t answer. “how do I make him stop?”

She doesn’t answer, she’s too calm in her chair, with her bangles and fucking fountain pen in hand. you feel like a wild animal. Your voice hitches and you’re begging.

“How do I make him go?”

“I can't tell you that.” She’s smiling sadly, you think she might actually feel for you.

You’re going to be sick.

She calls for you again softly, just enough to hear her voice over the chasm.

“What happens if he stays?” Dr. Hasan scoots forward into her chair, her hands out like she’s scared you’re going to fall off a bridge and not in her office that smells like anise and cloves.

Like she’s got the strength to catch you if you do.

“What happens if Johnny or Duckie, or even Simon-” she ignores your glare, hands turned out in surrender, “what happens if they stay? That’s the problem right? That they want to stay?”

You don’t answer her. After a minute she chuckles to herself. It’s low and makes your hackles raise.

“Fine, then let me ask you this, who didn’t stay?”

There’s ice in your veins now and it claws up your neck like frostbitten ivy.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Who didn’t stay that you’re willing to keep showing up to my office, pretending like you’re not killing yourself?”

You don’t think it surprises either of you when you pick up your bag and leave. It doesn’t stop her from calling out behind your back when you shoulder the door open violently.

“Who is it that won’t let you believe that those people love you and they want you to let them stay?”

You tell her to go fuck herself.

[minniiaa]

Luffy’s transition from ‘cute lil guy’ to ‘he will blow someone’s back out so hard it’ll feel like they got hit by a goddamn semi truck but it was so good they’re begging for more’ needs to be studied bc he was always just a special lil guy with crazy abs but Wano made him a MAN (he’s still a special lil guy though)

I thought there was a 0% chance I’d ever simp for this little rubber man. Then I saw him in Wano and was like oh god. Oh no. After that, I finally started thinking about how Luffy would be as a lover (if you do not want to listen to me ramble feel free to stop reading here. My point has been made thank you for your time.)

(They/them pronouns bc I don’t think Luffy would think twice about a persons gender. He likes people for being who they are inside and is totally unfazed by “social norms”)

Luffy is def a virgin who never really considered sex. He would never be the one to initiate it first but if he deeply trusted the person and they told him it would feel good he’d do it without a second thought.

In the beginning he would be sloppy and pretty clueless, lots of teeth and tongue. But he has insane adaptability and sense for other’s emotions and after a little bit it would all make sense to him. Once he gets it they are toast and he’ll have them melting into a puddle under his fingers within minutes. He loves to bite and lick but he knows exactly how to use his mouth to drive the person wild. His kisses are harsh and definitely still sloppy because he’s greedy. He would slurp the person up like they’re grape juice and tell them how amazing they taste. He’s loud and talkative too, not afraid to tell and show them just how much he likes it.

Luffy also has ungodly stamina and even if his partner is already fucked out of their mind he’d just be like “sorry, can’t stop yet feels too good. just hang in there” until he’s had his way with them.

Afterwards, he’d be grinding against their leg like a dog in heat begging for more because he’s never satisfied. He’ll give up eventually purely because he can tell they’re exhausted and would never actually hurt them. He’d wrap them in his arms and give the best cuddles on the planet because touching the ones he loves is like a drug to him. He gives lots of praise and affection not just because he cares about them but because sex is almost as good as meat—both make him feel good and are delicious and just like meat he will always tell them that they’re so good.

Sex with this person would become Luffy’s favorite (well 2nd favorite let’s be honest meat wins) thing and after he got a taste of it that person is toast. He’s never letting them go. He’s finding them and dragging you away to the nearest private place the second he gets hungry for them. If he’s not fucking they they’re by his side. They’re in his lap or vice versa, he’s napping with them, touching their arms, or he’s just talking to them constantly like the rest of his crew.

As for romance, Luffy doesn’t really understand romantic love, he may or may not feel it but he simply doesn’t care enough to think about it. All that matters is that he wants that person by his side forever and would do anything to ensure it happens. He’d sacrifice himself to save their life without question. He’s a ride or die type till the very end.

In conclusion, Luffy would be the best lover/partner and this totally was not meant to be a Luffy character analysis/thirst post but here we are. I have no shame.

[fruitless-vain]

Switching to a larger water bottle has been the best decision yet.

I am drinking the same amount of fluid in a day, as prescribed, but because I only have to drink 3 of this bottle to hit that dose it’s easier to do? The other bottle I had to drink 5 of and it was such a weird scheduling brain problem?

Like I have to drink 1 by bird time, 2 by the dog walk, 3 by lunch, 4 by end of second bird time, and the fifth by dinner was so overwhelming to cram in and if I didn’t get it done by that schedule my head was like Nope You Can’t Get It Done Now

But 3 big ones? Is just drink one casually and slowly throughout the morning. Oop I finished it pretty quick and am thirsty now I’ll fill the second and sip on that throughout the day. oh dang it’s evening bird time already I’ll fill the third time oh dang bird time isn’t even done yet and it’s empty? Shit how’d that happen.

There being that much liquid just sitting there makes it so easy to just Drink When Thirsty instead of “ah crap it’s empty I don’t want to get up right now and fill it I’ll just wait it out” and forget I was thirsty or fall behind schedule.

Plus I cram 2 grams of salt per cup, can’t taste it with a little bit of juice crystals, I could probably stick a third in and not notice? And that would be nearly my whole dose in that case! Insane. No more feeling nauseous bc of the sheer quantity of salt pills every couple hours. Wild.