#lsu is somehow involved

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': Pabu

So, maybe it's because the Razorbacks are currently up over the Tigers, which makes Doug's LSU loving self extra fired up this evening, but I have made the mistake of asking him again about his opinion on the episode after 'The Outpost', which was 'Pabu'.

He called this both 'HR Goes to Daytona' and 'Did I miss an episode?'.

Doug: Make sure you put one of my Baton Rouge boys on the internet too right now. GEAUX TIGERS.

CW: Doug insults everyone, everything, and is generally a cantankerous old jerk in this one. His wife should have unplugged his internet. Lots of adult everything, ranging from language to...well, if you're under 18, please be warned.

Prepare thyself, especially if you're a TechxPhee fan. The amount of angry emojis I got in the text messages were pretty wild.

----

'Pabu' aka 'HR Goes to Daytona'

Oh it’s Church Lady and it’s Sunday service. Why is little orphan blondie in the bar with her? Daddy Rambo has his knife but you know the man was plowing vodka out of sight here. He’s tired.

I thought he hated Church Lady? Did I miss an episode?

Ah, now Ryan-from-Accounting is playing solitaire. Atta boy, get your mind off the bitch wife Laura. If he makes out with that garbage robot I’ll throw up. 

Time to skee-daddle. Woah! Church Lady just grabbed Ryan-from-Accounting. That man looks terrified, probably because he found a Youtube video of her taking down muggers behind Manning's after a Pelicans game. Bitch wife Laura gonna blow a gasket.

But such is the way of the Church Lady, I have known many in my day. “I groped the hot new usher in Jesus’s house, but it’s okay, The Lord forgives”.

(praise the Lord and pass the Tabasco)

No, seriously, did I miss an episode? I feel like I did.  

Houma-BBQ bitch is bitching, as is her wont. I wonder what sauce her tail would taste best with. Carolina Gold? I’d cook her brisket style. Oh, wait, back to the show. 

And now they’re on paradise! Daytona Beach! Who is this guy, he looks like he used to play hoops now he plays how much dessert he can eat at Golden Corral. Props to him, that lava cake is gold. Hope Rex and Toaster Strudel are there.

Where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

No, really, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

I’m getting real mad here, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel. 

CHURCH LADY, GET BACK IN YOUR SPACE UBER AND GO FIND REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MUSEUM OF SHIT YOU FOUND IN PEOPLE’S BACKYARDS AND THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE KEY LARGO PUBLIX, GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL.

SHOVE RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING BACK INTO THE DRIVER’S SEAT, PAY FOR HIS GAS, AND GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. 

“You have some competition��. From what, there’s gonna be a hot dog eating contest or something? Why does Ryan-from-Accounting look so upset? 

(“I think they’re trying to set him and Phee up, Doug.” “What, when did that happen? Did I miss an episode?”)

Ryan-from-Accounting looks either sad or excited and I’m so confused. Maybe it’s because I’ve been married since before the dinosaurs but why is he either frowning and freaked out by Church Lady or smiling at Church Lady? Is he having a breakdown like my nephew did after he lost his job? Does Bitch Wife Laura know about this? Does he like Church Lady or is he planning on pepper spraying her? Did I miss an episode? Is this how the children flirt on the Ticky-Tack? No wonder y’all aren’t getting married any more. 

(“Doug, you did not miss an episode. And it is called Tik-Tok.” “I MISSED AN EPISODE. I KNOW I DID, AND IT IS CALLED THE TICKY-TACK!!!”) 

Ya know who would solve these questions? REX AND MOTHER LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL, WHO AIN’T HERE. THEY NEED TO BE HERE. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THEM CHURCH LADY. 

Oh lovely, Hoops forgot to make a reservation at BoneFish, so they’re having his gas station sushi. Not one shrimp or crab on that table? Y’all Hoops is failing so hard right now, as a boy from Louisiana I’m just offended. His momma raised that man WRONG. 

You know who would love sushi on the beach while watching the sun set? REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL, and Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger too. 

I MISS SASSY PARK RANGER ALREADY!!!!!!

But no, Rex and Toaster Strudel are busy at work saving the galaxy while Julio and the gang throw back cocktails and stare at the sun like they dropped cheap acid they bought in a sketchier part of Biloxi. Which is all of Biloxi, I guess. 

Oh, and Ryan-from-Accounting is awkward around Church Lady and stares at his phone lest that Bitch Wife Laura of his get a snap of them sitting together and Little Orphan Blondie pets a monkey. I hope they all get food poisoning. I’m so mad.

They need Toaster Strudel the way I need FSU to lose this weekend, I have money on that game too. WHY IS ARKANSAS STILL UP IN THE SECOND QUARTER.

Ah, Little Orphan Blondie’s on a boat with her new buddy, that’s nice. If she doesn’t find Rex and Toaster Strudel out in the ocean with James Cameron I hope–oh, shoot, I was in the navy. I know what that water means. Oh boy.

Well bless Ryan-from-Accounting, he watches Big Tuna and knows how to do a rescue. Church Lady looks happy. He finally touched her, it only took a natural disaster and a whole lot of nagging on her part. Oh, poor Church Lady, you need a guy who actually likes you back. 

Seriously, why does that man look like the subject of them shitty videos HR makes us watch once a year so we don’t get sued? I don’t know, but I’m starting to understand why his Bitch Wife Laura is the way she is. I can’t believe the episode they filmed in Daytona makes me feel for her, but it do. 

(“Doug, you’re making up Bitch Wife Laura in your head. She’s not in the show.” “Well, it’s clear that I missed some episodes, so maybe I missed the Bitch Wife Laura ones.” “No, you didn’t miss any, I promise.” “Are you SURE?!”)

Man, the tsunami got people running like it’s Black Friday Wal-Mart in Tampa. But they rescued an old guy and Daddy Rambo got the stolen work truck working to rescue the kids. Hooray, I guess. 

You know who would have done a better job? Of all of this?

REX AND MOTHER-LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL. But they ain’t here!

(Doug's love for them runs hard and it runs deep, for which I can empathize)

You know who should have been on a beach horking down Mai Tais and getting into Church Lady and her handsy hands?

POOR POOR SASSY PARK RANGER. BUT HE DIED BACK IN WYOMING.  I bet he’d love a back massage from Church Lady too! He’d sass her, she’d sass him back, and they’d make out on the beach while Daddy Warcrimes played the saxophone behind them or something. I support that. I’d like that. He’s got brown eyes.*

Make it work, Star Wars, damn it. 

(Doug has unlocked a new rarepair, I guess: Mayday and Phee? WTF?)

Well they’re hanging out here in Daytona for the time being, I guess. Julio passed out under a tree like a drunk uncle at a cookout. Everyone's smiling.

I’d be smiling too, knowing that REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL ARE ACTUALLY SAVING PEOPLE WHILE YOU CLOWNS STOMP AROUND FLORIDA. 

Stop smiling at Church Lady, Ryan-from-Accounting! Is it because you finally filed HR complaint paperwork or because you filed for divorce papers from Bitch Wife Laura? Why are you smiling?! Church Lady belongs to Sassy Park Ranger! 

(“Doug…Sassy Park Ranger’s dead. He and Church Lady never met. You need to stop.” “IF THEY CAN BRING PALPATINE BACK, THEY CAN BRING SASSY PARK RANGER BACK TOO!”) 

*=I NEED FAN ART OF THIS NOW, please @amalthiaph! Help me out!

[bengals-barnesbabe]

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Singer!FemReader

Summary: From the LSU Tigers to the Cincinnati Bengals, their friendship never faded. Their feelings, however, grew stronger and even more oblivious. So obviously this was the job for Venus’ closest friends. Or will 3 years of dancing around each other crash down in 3 days?

Chapter 17: Operation Tiger

#Track9 Masterlist

Warnings: men with feelings, lots of feelings, all the feels, foul language, oblivious characters, angst with a happy ending.

A/N: ITS OUT! I DID IT and now I'm never reading it again, but y'all enjoy. If there are some grammar errors blame Grammarly (we got into a fight at 4 am). Also I edited this while having a dumb allergic reaction to my cat.

Word Count: 5.6k

Part Six 🖤

Friendships are a beautiful thing. Friend groups should be cherished for what they’re worth. These groups are rare, not because they’re hard to make but because they’re hard to keep. All friend groups have rules to keep the status quo for everyone involved. Team Shiesty even had some before they were ever known as Team Shiesty. An unspoken rule that they shared with all other friend groups was:

No one in the group should date anyone else in said group.

Fortunately for them that rule had yet to be broken.

Unfortunately for them two of their founding members had fallen for each other before the group could fully assemble. Which leads us to Operation Tiger. Our quarterback and Venus had been dancing around each other for far too long so the Atlanta natives of the group took it amongst themselves to create a new rule.

If your best friend is hopelessly in love and extremely oblivious to her suitor’s feelings for her, you HAVE TO INTERVENE.

˚₊‧ʚ♡ɞ‎‧₊˚

“If there’s one thing I don't miss about Atlanta, it's that damn traffic.” Venus lays back in her seat as the calmness of the suburbs settles in around her. Joe sat beside her in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel and the other tapping the hood as they came to a traffic light. He can’t help but smile at the look of pure boredom on the girl's face.

“I don’t understand why you wanted to drive 2 hours through awful traffic when you could've just hired a driver.” 

“Some of us like driving, you know. Plus it wasn’t that bad.” He shrugged as she pointed out the entrance to her parents' subdivision. 

“Yea yea, take your next 2 lefts then the first right and we’ll be at the house.” He nodded, following the directions through the never-ending neighborhood. 

“I remember absolutely hating it when we moved here. Part of that was just because I was in middle school, so I hated just about everything.”

“You think we would’ve been friends back then if we somehow went to the same school?” He asked jokingly before taking the last right. 

“Honestly J? Maybe? I was an emo chorus girl, but I wasn’t really afraid to talk to anyone if I needed to. I was also kinda nerdy so there’s that.” She shrugged. Soon they reached the cul de sac next to her house and he parked at the end of the driveway.

“Well I was the nerdy jock going through a very awkward puberty stage, so you would have never talked to me. You were probably too cool for me.” He smirked.

Venus playfully smacked his arm and shook her head, “I don't know what Mars told you, but I was not cool, I just talked to people.” Looking up at the light maroon house before her, the hidden anxiety about Joe meeting her parents crept its way back to her mind. 

‘But you were just friends, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, right?’

“You okay?” A shiver made its way up her spine before turning to the baby blue-eyed blond. “Take as long as you need, but I’m pretty sure someone saw us pull in.” He smiled. Blinding.

She attempted to match his expression, “I’m good. Just mentally preparing for the drama film that we’re about to walk into.”

Joe chuckled while pulling the key from the ignition and softly caressing her fidgeting hand. “Let’s go make you the main character then.” She let out a jittery laugh and attempted to shake the nerves off, but her fingers tangled with a loose string of her shirt. ‘Maybe this set wasn’t the best idea.’

Slowly her door was pulled open revealing Joe there with his hand out. Venus took a deep breath and let her friend guide her towards the door. Before either of them could knock or ring the bell, the door was yanked open by a girl with shoulder-length locs.

“Fucking finally! Come here.” Venus squeals as her best friend crushes her in her arms. A fruity but earthy perfume and castor oil fill her senses, images of the days when they walked around the mall complaining about their parents and school teachers flashed in her mind.

“I missed you so much babes.” They break away to wipe away the stray tears that had been shed.

She cupped and smushed Venus’ cheeks with her hands. “I missed you more, you’ve been held hostage by Louisiana long enough. I almost forgot how short you were.” Venus gasped and punched her in the arm.

“I take all of it back, I hate you.” She smirked.

Mars smiled while rubbing her arm, “damn, I forgot how hard you hit.”

“Can y’all move away from the door, so I can see this bitch?” A voice pleaded from behind them.

Mars rolled her eyes then moved over so the curly haired Latina could have a turn. “RiRi.” 

“Oh good, you still look how we left you.” She smirked before pulling her old roommate into a hug. 

“I’m going to try and not take offense to that because I’m excited to see you.”

“What? It’s nice to know that Louisiana or anyone else didn't change you.” She says, eyeing the man behind her.

“Yea speaking of height, can we address the giraffe in the room?” Mars winks, tipping her head like an imaginary hat.

Joe chuckled then ran his hand through his hair. “Guys, this is Joe. Joey, these are my best friends in the entire world, Riana and Mars.” 

“Hey, you can call me Joey if you want. It’s really nice to meet you.” He smiles and awkwardly waves.

“Ohhh I see the appeal now. You’re the silent awkward athlete who likes to surprise people with his abilities.” Mars points out.

“Really? I can see some fuckboy tendencies from here.” Riana replied. 

Venus was dumbfounded, “you just met- can yall bitches be nice, damn?” 

They shared the same smirk before properly introducing themselves to the quarterback, then winked at their friend before retreating into the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry about-

Before she could finish her dad walked into the room. His eyes went to hers, Joe’s then right back to hers with a smirk, he shook his head and grabbed a jacket from the coat rack beside him. Oh fun.

“Y/n, my daughta! Who have you brought into my kingdom today man?” A loud off-key Jamaican accent fills the air as he pulls on an Atlanta Falcons bomber jacket.

Joe stifles a laugh as Venus’ face deadpans. “Joe, this is my father- don't take him seriously. Dad please.” 

The man raised a brow and smirked. “I know not of what I’ve done to earn this treatment oh! This man of anotha tribe threatens my position, I must take charge.”

Venus leans back with her arms crossed. “Did you and Malik watch Black Panther again? Cause your M’Baku impression isn’t any better, probably because you were raised in New York and not Wakanda.”

Her father shrugs and pulls her into a hug. “Maybe I just wanted to embarrass you in front of your new boyfriend, you know show him who’s boss around here.” He winks in Joe’s direction.

As he kisses her head, she pulls away and thumps him on the back of his. “Well, you’ve succeeded- with the first part! Everyone knows I’m the real boss around here.”

The old man snorts. “Yes, yes I know. She’s been bossing me around since she learned to walk, so I’m excited for someone else to take that place.” Making his daughter roll her eyes as he winks again.

“She does have a nook for making sure things go her way.” Joe chuckled.

Venus whirls around a smacks his arm. “You two are not supposed to be ganging up on me, you’re not even supposed to like each other right now.” 

Joe rubs his arm feigning an injury. “I can’t even play anymore, I should see a doctor.” 

While her dad punches the air. “Yes, finally a win for my Falcons. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long. I’d like to thank my wife for agreeing to go on that date with me, my daughter for injuring her star quarterback boyfriend-

Venus gapes at the dramatic men, then shakes her head and walks away. “I can not believe this is happening, he’s not even my boyfriend. How do I find these ridiculous people?”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

After meeting the rest of Y/n’s family, Joe was finally able to shake some tension off his shoulders. For the past few days, all he could think about was this moment. Football he could practice, he knew the expectations on that field. But this, meeting the parents of the woman written all over his heart, was anxiety-inducing. No amount of preparation could prepare him for how it will all eventually go down. He hoped they’d be overjoyed and give him their blessing and by the way it’s going, he’s more than hopeful for this outcome. 

The plan leading up today today was she would catch a flight to Cincinnati Thursday night and then fly to Atlanta together the next evening. Nowhere in the plan did it say that Y/n could show up Tuesday night completely unprovoked and surprise him after he got back from practice. 

Even though they had been friends for years, he had never been so nervous to be around her for those 3 days. He tried to remain as calm and normal as possible; they joked around, cooked together, and shared the same bed as they normally would. 

Joe wasn't a total idiot, he knew their relationship was tiptoeing along the lines of something more. But after a year of helplessly pursuing her in college, he thought it’d be better if they were just friends. Eventually, he gave up on that idea altogether because, with the feelings he was harboring for her and Ja’Marr’s constant need to nag him about how dumb the situation was, the only one that needed convincing was her.

But this weekend was what he was playing the long game for, it’s his final chance to come clean about how he truly felt. And he hoped those feelings were reciprocated or the entire weekend would be a bust. And he definitely wouldn’t be playing the best tomorrow.

As soon as she left the room the temperature felt like it had been dialed to 100, Joe had never wished he had his headband so badly without being in the middle of a grueling practice. Her father gestured to the white couch behind him and they took a seat. 

“Your home is beautiful.” Joe starts as he’s trying to conceal his nervousness, but the constant wiping of his palms on his jeans tells another story. 

“Thank you, I assume Y/n told you that she hated it when we first got it.” Her dad chuckled trying to lighten the air. 

“Oh yeah, the whole moody middle school bit too.” He could only imagine what she was thinking about this interaction and how wrong it would be when it was revealed. 

“If someone had told me that kids didn’t like moving so close to their school, then maybe we wouldn't be here. But that’s not what I want to talk about and I doubt you’re here to hear about how much I don’t know my daughter.” The older man smirked.

“How’d you guess? But yeah, there’s something I felt would be best to talk about in person, if that’s okay with you, sir?” The quarterback clasps his hands together and straightens his spine.

“I thought so. How long have you been in love with her?” Joe’s eyes widen and his mouth dries as the gentleman relaxes his stance.

“F- shit sorry, wasn't expecting you to- wow um how did you know?”

The dad lets out a dry chuckle, “I’ve been in your spot before. I know what a hopeless man in love looks like and you didn’t take an eye off of her until she was completely out of your sight.”

“She seems to be the only one that hasn’t noticed it, but as cheesy as it sounds I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with her. I’ve never been one to believe in myths like ‘love at first sight,’ but there’s no other way to describe it. I transferred to LSU for a fresh start, I just wanted to play football then when life finally started working out in my favor, she walked in. She’s funny, beautiful, smart, talented- the whole package. I’m kinda glad we didn’t date back then, I know it was only two years ago but I wasn’t ready for a woman like her.” He smiles fondly as the memories of them flash through his mind.

“And what about now, do you think you’re ready to start a relationship with my daughter that could potentially last a lifetime?” For the first time, Joe looks your father in his eyes with no fear or anxiety.

“Sir you don’t understand, I mean you do, but I’ve pictured Y/n as my future since we met. I grew up pretty well off, but I wanted to put in the work doing something I love so I could provide what I had for my future family. After a year in the league, there’s only one thing missing from my life, and it’s her. I mean I spent 3 days with her just in the house and I felt like I could do that for the rest of my life. I’ve known that she’s the one for me since we met, now all I need to do is finally tell her that.” 

The old man smiles as a few tears streak down his face, he wipes them away and then holds out his hand to the young quarterback. Joe takes his hand and gets pulled into a tight hug. “There’s nothing that makes me happier than when someone shows the same love and devotion to my little girl that I’ve been trying to show her for years. As long as you promise to keep a smile on her face and love in her heart, you have all the blessings in the world from me. Thank you, Joe.”

They let go with permanent grins on their faces. “No need for that, I’d do anything for her.”

“Good. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  

“So, you think she believes that we’ve been talking about ‘ball this whole time?” Joe joked.

“As long as she stayed out of this room, 100 percent. She’s clueless when it comes to it, so we could make up a term and she’d be convinced.” The men share a laugh before a head pops out of the kitchen.

“Hey, you guys hungry? Food’s ready. Let’s eat everyone!” Her mom announces.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

As the food is going around the table, Venus sneaks off to grab her purse. By the time everyone is settled, she clears her throat and stands next to her father. 

“So, I have something to tell you guys. No, I’m not pregnant, dating, engaged, married, or dying; before you start to conjure up some random assumptions.” She glared at Malik, her younger brother, who was holding in a laugh.

“First, I just want to thank everyone for coming. I know the last 2 years apart were hard but ‘time makes the heart grow fonder’ says some random dead guy.” Most of the table chuckles. “But seriously, I’m glad all my best friends could meet and hopefully talk about how much of an amazing person I am.”

“Venus keep talking and I’ll tell him all about how amazing you were in high school.” Mars smiles as the girl’s eyes slightly widen.

“Okay, as most of you should know, there’s this little game happening tomorrow. Nothing big or fancy, and I definitely didn’t bring one of the players to dinner, but I digress.” She shrugs extremely unbothered, causing her father and the quarterback to snort.

“Since I now hold the title of Assistant Physician Technician at Baton Rouge Clinic, I still have no money thanks to my glorious student loans. But y’all should still thank me for becoming best friends with some random football guys because everyone will be attending their first NFL game tomorrow night.” She cheesed fanning herself with their game day tickets.

Joe smirked as she sat down after handing over the passes. “Wow, and you said they were dramatic.” 

“Did you or did you not say that I was gonna be the main character when we walked in? I’m just doing your expectations justice.” Joe shook his head and draped his arm over her chair while pulling her a bit closer with his leg.

After dinner, all the women, except Venus per her mom’s request, help clean up the table and take the leftovers to the kitchen. 

“I don’t understand why we can’t drag Y/n over here to help.” Riana scoffs. 

Amina, Venus’s mom, shushes her and pulls the two girls into the empty dining room. “I’m having Malik distract her so we can talk about what is going on between my daughter and that footballer.”

The girls share the same knowing and scheming expression. “We may have an idea about that.” Mars starts.

“Yes, and what is it?” Amina crosses her arms.

Riana glances into the living room to make sure no one is eavesdropping, “ok they really are just friends right now, but we know that they have really strong feelings for each other. I came up with a plan to finally get V to do something about the tension and I’m very proud of it.” She smiles.

Mars rolls her eyes and rubs her temples. “Her plan is absolutely ridiculous, but we know it’s going to work because we’ve been friends long enough to know what makes that girl tick. So it involves his ex, a woman she hated more than anything when they were dating.”

The African mother nods but sucks her teeth, “why hasn’t she told me anything?”

“Cause you’re scary. Ow-” Mars elbows Riana before butting in. 

“She didn’t even want to tell us until we kinda forced it out of her. She doesn’t want to let herself revel in it for too long because she doesn't want to get her heart broken again.” She stretches the truth just a bit, the older woman did not need to know how their relationship actually worked. 

“That makes sense, ok go back out there.” The girls let out a much-needed breath as they were dismissed. “Wait, what do you mean again!”

Back in the living room, your brother is sitting on your dad’s armchair flipping through a photo album dedicated to your childhood. The three-seater next to him is now occupied by your mom and friends, while you and Joe are sharing a two-seater on the other side of the armchair. After learning the truth about you, your mom takes special notice of the fact that you’re sitting with your legs across Joe’s lap and one of his palms wrapped around your ankle.

“Oh look here’s a pic of Y/n trying to catch balloons while her pants are falling down.” Malik attempts to show J before you yank the book out of his hands.

“Ok, that’s enough, let’s put the album away now.” 

“Hey we were getting to the best part, I was in the next frame.” He fake pouts.

The scowl painted on your face causes him to break out into another laughing fit. “I despise you.”

“Come on babe, it wasn't that bad,” Joey smirks, then looks down at his phone. 

He just called me- which doesn't matter because you’re best friends duh. 

“Shi- it’s almost 7, we gotta go. I have to meet with Taylor in like an hour.”

“Why so late?”

“Who’s Taylor?”

“Taylor Swift?”

“A meeting past 5 pm is a criminal offense.”

“Y’all are so unbelievably nosy.” 

Joe throws his head back laughing. “I love your family, I don’t know why you didn't introduce us sooner.” Yea.. I definitely don't know.

“Zac Taylor’s his head coach. Remember there’s kind of a game tomorrow.”  

“Yeah and I may have ditched a meeting so we could drive up here,” J says sheepishly, once he’s done dying of laughter.

During his fit of laughter, some of his hair flung out of place giving him a more shaggy look. “You didn’t have to come if it was gonna get you in trouble.” Forgetting where you are for a moment, you begin to fluff out the front of his blond locks, then rake your fingers through the rest before settling on the back of his neck. 

His fond eyes meet yours. “I wanted to, plus you were just gonna make the trip yourself or end up ranting about not going while I’m trying to sleep?” 

You squinted and shrugged. “Touché.”

“Wait, you’re sharing a hotel room?” Your brother’s voice breaks you out of your bubble. When you look up, everyone’s eyes are glued to you. You’re now hyper-aware of your hand that’s been gently scratching his neck, your legs that somehow always end up in his lap, and the cautious hold he has on them. 

Removing yourself from his space, you begin to gather your stuff. “Um yeah, there was an empty spot that was already paid for and J offered me the bed.” 

There were no prepaid rooms left. 

“That’s very nice of you Joe.” Riana winked. 

A deep flush crept up his face, “It was nothing, what are friends for.” 

Mars beamed, “Exactly. He knows the real value of friendship. I mean look at him, breaking preset rules about boy-girl friendships.”

Your brows furrowed as you studied the two women. “Okay? We’re going to go now. Thank you for everything and I’ll see y'all tomorrow at the game.”

Your mother’s face brightened as you hugged then walked towards the door. Joe dapped up your dad and brother following your exit. “Thanks for the chat.” He smiled, then joined you in the rental. 

“That went really well.” You relax buckling your seatbelt

“Mhmm, told you you were anxious for no reason. Shit I was worried for no reason.” Joe says as he puts the car in reverse.

“You were anxious, really?”

He nods. “Oh yeah, more than you think.”

“Huh, I couldn’t tell. Hey if this NFL thing doesn’t work out maybe you should try acting. Today’s performance was outstanding.” You chuckled.

“Yeah absolutely not, I can barely do commercials and they want me to ‘be myself’ or whatever that means.” He shakes his head as your laughter bellows.

The ride back to the hotel was peaceful, the roads were clear, and the sky filled with stars, it was the perfect night. Until Joe’s phone started buzzing every 5 seconds. He tried to ignore it by listening to cars zooming by, but whoever it was really wanted his attention.  

He sighed. “Could you get that for me?” 

“You’re very popular tonight.” You snorted, then picked up the phone. Your face dimmed as you read the series of ‘I miss you’ texts all coming from the same number. It was unknown but you could tell they weren’t from some random fling. Your gaze was locked on each message, you could bet money on who they were from. She used to be obsessed with the idea of him. He gave her a chance for a few months, she started changing him into someone else. He stopped hanging out with you as often and-

“Who is it?” 

“If it’s Zac just tell him we’re on our way.” His words floated around unanswered. 

“Y/n?”

You broke out of your trance and looked over at the man driving before quickly turning your attention to the world outside the window, “it was nothing. Wrong number.”

The phone was placed on ‘do not disturb’ and forgotten about for the rest of the ride. 

The atmosphere in the car didn’t change from that moment, a perfect silence was replaced with a frigid one. You spaced out for the remainder of the ride, not wanting to show how it affected you. Joe noticed the odd silence but dismissed it as fatigue from the long day. Which it was, that could never ruin the comfortableness of their surroundings.

The car finally pulled into the Hilton valet entrance around 10, you unbuckled yourself then sunk into the seat. The late hour meant you had to wait for someone to come outside, in the meantime you attempted to lose yourself in the night sky. The antsy feeling bubbling under your skin was beginning to eat away your patience. Joe, finally able to get a good look at you, watched the way your knees bounced, the way your hands were picking at themselves and the lack of attention towards him.

“Ok what’s wrong, you were fine all night until you saw my phone. So what’s bothering you?” 

You scoffed, it’s just like guys to identify the problem not even realizing it was the problem. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“Fine, if you aren’t going to talk then I will.” Your gaze was unwavering from the doors of the Hilton.

“Damn okay, look I feel like I’ve been trying to say this for the last two years, clearly I haven’t been very successful. Y/n I don’t like us being so far apart. I mean, location wise and relationship wise- yea. Fuck. Joe just do it.” Some part of you would’ve laughed at his inability to coherently express himself, but you couldn’t get past the irony.

“I really like you Y/n, I have for a long time and-

Shaking your head, you can’t help the words that start flying out, “bullshit. How can you say that when Megan or some random bitch is constantly blowing up your phone?”

“Megan? Y/n there’s nothing going on between us anymore, that ended over a year ago. You are the only woman I have feelings for, I don’t care about whoever’s in my DMs or calling me up.” As he went on the feelings of doubt still lingered.

“I somehow don’t believe that Joe, call me fucking insecure but if you wanted me to believe that you would’ve blocked the numbers. It’s like you wanted to know that they’ll always want you and you can go back whenever you want.” Your vision began to blur with unshed tears. You don’t believe the words falling from your lips, this has never been a problem between you. But this is more than just a fight with your best friend.

“I don’t know what I can do to convince you that you’re the only one I care about.” He huffed laying back in his seat. Then his eyes widen, “wait you wouldn’t feel this way if you didn’t also have feelings for me.” A bit of hope fills his chest.

“So what?” You finally meet his crystal blue eyes. “You clearly have other priorities, so let’s just leave it at that. I’m tired so let’s just talk tomorrow.” With that, you left the car and entered the hotel.

“Y/n! Wait!”

The next few minutes are a blur, the bellhop rushes past you to help with the bags as you hand the lady at the desk your ID. Once she hands you your key, you b-line to the elevator, not waiting for a second. By the time Joe gets to the desk, you’re already in the room.

The lady at the desk confirms his identity and reminds him of the meeting he has with Taylor, but all he can think about is how this night went so bad so fast. He takes the elevator to the 12th floor where both their room and the meeting are and enters the one cracked open while his bags are wheeled further down the hall.

“Well look who’s decided to grace us with his presence. You were supposed to be back over an hour ago.” His manager, Dan, presses.

Joe takes a seat at the opposite side of their round table and runs his fingers through his hair. “Shit happens, can we start now?”

Coach Taylor takes a note of his behavior and quickly runs through everything he needs to know. He lectures for a total of 20 minutes and answers questions for 10 before he runs out of material. The entire time Joe took the sloppiest notes of his life and couldn’t care less about what the chicken scratch said. “Well that’s it, any other comments, questions or concerns?”

“How do you make a girl listen to you?” 

That raises the older mens’ attention just as quickly as when he walked in.

Zac speaks up first, “in my experience you need to have something to say that’s worth listening to.”

“I told her that I love her.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Y/n?” The player nodded.

“And she didn’t believe you?” He nodded again.

“What happened before you said it?”

“Nothing, she was quiet the entire ride but something changed during the last 10 minutes. I got some spam texts from an unknown number and she got awkward. Then when we got here she brought it up again, but it didn’t make sense. She had no reason to be upset.” He huffed.

The older men looked at him amused. “What?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Did you read what the messages said?”

He shrugged. “No, why would I?” 

“I don’t know man, maybe because she read them and got upset.” Zac pondered.

“Give me your phone.” He hands over the device per his manager’s request. The man quickly goes through the messages before putting the phone back in his eye line. “Read it, aloud.”

“I miss you….. Why was she replying? She doesn’t compare….leeching off you…taking advantage. What the fuck?” His brows knitted. 

“Now do you see why she was mad?” Dan smirked.

“Fuck, I need to fix this.” Joe gets up and marches towards the door. “Oh and thanks for the help. I’ve been saying that a lot today.”

By the time Joe enters the room, he’s got a full speech in his head that he's gone over several times and he’s prepared to unleash it immediately upon seeing you. Except there’s no trace of you in the room. Your bags are gone, your phone isn’t near a bed, neither of beds even look like they’ve been touched. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. There’s no way I messed up for a third time.” 

He starts pacing the room. This was supposed to be his chance, this was going to be the story he tells the grandkids. They were supposed to hear about their great love story and carry on his legacy. But instead he’s going to die that weird uncle that’s obsessed with cartoons and UFC. 

He finally sits down in the chair next to your bed facing the downtown skyline replaying the day’s events in his head and completely ignoring the door next to his own.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

The second you got to the room all you wanted was a hot shower to help relieve some of the stress and tension from the car. It only took about 5 minutes for the young bellhop to come to the door, you gave him his tip, grabbed your duffle and went straight to the bathroom. You oiled your scalp then placed a shower cap over your hair and spent 30 minutes underneath the boiling water. 

After doing your much needed self care routine, you left the bathroom steamy and with 40% less stress than before you started. You softly shut the door then turned around to see a figure sitting next to your bed.

“Joey?” He gets up and slowly turns around, the sight of his red eyes, tear stained cheeks and messy hair makes you crumble.

“Oh my god, what-

Before you could finish he takes a few long strides towards you and pulls you into him. “Baby what happened?”

“I can’t lose you again.” He croaked. “Y/n, it’s always been you. I love you more than anything. Nothing she said in those texts was true, I’d give you the world with everyone still on it. You’re my biggest supporter, you’re the only one that knows me on a deeper level than -fucking- myself. I don’t wanna go another minute without you knowing how much you mean to me, how much I fucking love you and how much I’d do anything just to make you smile. I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you. I just wanted it to be perfect, I wanted to have a story that would transcend galaxies. I-

“Joey!”

He finally stops and stares into your eyes. “I always loved how rich and glittery your eyes got when you’re in the light.”

What a goof.

You rolled those glittery eyes, pulled him down by his collar and crashed your lips against his. After the initial shock wears off, he returns it making you sink into his hold. His hands dig into the softness of your waist and your arms wrap around his neck with your fingers immediately finding their home scratching and running through his hair. His hands wander further down mapping every inch of your body before one softly grips the meat of your ass causing a ‘gasp’ to leave your lips giving him the opening to allow his tongue to explore more of your mouth. Your bodies rock together until your knees hit the edge of his bed and you fall into it without breaking apart your lips. He grabs a hold of your thighs and flips you over so you’re on top. A sharp tug at his roots releases a deep vibrating groan that causes flutters in your lower stomach. 

“Joey.” A whine finally breaks you from the heat of his mouth. You open your eyes to his dazed eyes and smiling bruised lips. “Yea?”

“I love you too.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Main Masterlist

Taglist: @light-yagami-l

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A/N: As always: likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated and welcomed.

[waheelawhisperer]

Moar violence asks (7, 14, 21, 22) and Bluebonnet + Feilan asks (3, 9, 16, 17). Feel free to ignore/trim if some/most are too open-ended or annoying.

Violence Asks:

7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

RWBY: I can't say I truly hate any RWBY characters (even the ones who are utterly repulsive as human beings are at least decent as characters), much less because of the way the fandom acts about them, but there are certainly characters I like less than I ordinarily would for this reasons. I like Ironwood less because his stans are obnoxious and somehow think his plan would've worked (Team RWBY was right to fight and wrong to evacuate later and I will die on this hill) and that Team RWBY are the villains of the show, I like Jaune less because the Jaune harem people are incredibly fucking weird, I like Taiyang less because people keep insisting that his advice to Yang didn't suck and that Yang's disability arc was written well, I like Sun less because Black Sun shippers are annoying, and I like Blake and Yang less because Bumbleby shippers are annoying, there are so goddamn many of them that even a vocal minority is difficult to escape, and the worst of them will excuse any flaws in the show's writing or criticism thereof because the sapphics kissed and then buy out merch made by a company named after a homophobic slur.

Arknights: I don't like Platinum, and every time I see someone ship her with Nearl or Blemishine, I like her a little less.

Fate: I already hated Emiya Shirou but the way the Fate Stay Night fanbase gushes over him makes me want to run him over with a bulldozer. I also can't stand Waver or Iskandar after a former friend talked them up for years, they never once lived up to his hype, and then he tried to convince me that AI art was a victimless crime.

College Football: I already hated Baylor because of its athletics department's numerous scandals, but their fans are shitty self-centered entitled asshats on top of being mostly Evangelicals. They will forgive anything if the money sports win.

I absolutely despise Penn State for the same reason (scandals) but their fans are fucking horrendous and keep insisting that the head coach involved was a great guy, actually, and that their program didn't deserve the death penalty.

I was actually fond of LSU until they played Texas at DKR and then their players faked cramping/injuries because they were getting gassed and the coach whined about the visitor's locker room being too hot. Then two of their most recent coaches turned out to either have committed or enabled sexual assault, so there's that.

Georgia fans got significantly more obnoxious after they won a national championship, but they were barking at kids even before that, so they've pretty much always sucked.

Iowa state fans were actually tolerable until they had one good season and Texas/OU announced they were changing conferences from the Big 12 to the SEC, at which point they decided to be the whiniest and most annoying of the Hateful 8 despite mediocrity literally being the height of their program's accomplishments.

The Boys: Homelander and Soldier Boy are shitty people and good characters, but every time I see right-wing dipshits idolizing either of them or the newest batch of reader x fanfiction, I hate them both a little more.

14) that one thing you see in fics all the time

I mostly read RWBY fic when I read fic at all, but there's a list of annoying bullshit a mile long and about half of it comes from Coeur Al'Aran. Most of the rest is fanon that gained too much steam, but I really don't want to go into all of it right now.

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

RWBY: Volume 8 was dogshit and I don't understand why people enjoy it.

Bumbleby is overhyped to hell and back as a supposedly-amazing slowburn when I'd give it a B at best in terms of execution. Like very other fucking plotline in RWBY, it suffers from a persistent refusal to align resources and scope, prioritize specific elements of the show, or give anything major the time and focus it deserves. It's fine, though - the fanbase will fill in the blanks with headcanon and then claim that means the writing (that doesn't exist) is brilliant and anyone who thinks otherwise just lacks media literacy, just like they do every other time RWBY's writing fails.

Salem honestly sucks as a villain and simultaneously feels underwhelming and insurmountable at the same time because the writers dropped the ball on Volume 8 so Ironwood and Cinder could be the main villains for some fucking reason.

Arknights: The sociopolitical commentary isn't nearly as deep or incisive as tumblr likes to pretend and frequently fails to grow beyond "capitalism/imperialism/bigotry/Western society bad" like congrats you've identified and portrayed a problem but your solutions frequently either suck or don't exist

The prose is average and also 50% of it is unnecessary. Being obscure is not the same as being good.

Fate Grand Order: All of Lostbelt 5 was overhyped as shit to be honest

Elden Ring in general is overrated as hell and suffers from most of the Standard FromSoft Flaws, but that's more a consequence of the frankly absurd amount of hype it got rather than it being a bad game.

College Football: TCU had one good season with a bunch of Covid super-seniors, I doubt they'll have more than 8 wins this season. Sonny Dykes isn't the next Nick Saban until he actually manages to replicate this level of success consistently.

22) your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Chapter 7 tells us that Dobermann is afraid of heights and Nearl is a goober who puts too much power into her Arts sometimes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OC Asks:

3) What’s something pointless/petty/unimportant that IRRATIONALLY ANNOYS THE HELL out of your OC?

Bluebonnet hates the sound of dripping water it drives her insane.

Feilan 1 absolutely hates it when people beat around the bush and try to play/manipulate him instead of just being forthright about what they want, which is a direct response to several flirtatious women trying to use sex appeal and wheedling to get him to do their bidding

Feilan 2 gets agitated during sparring/combat because his parents have a very active sex life and aren't really careful about hiding it from their children and the various grunts and gasps and shit people make while fighting sound too much like sex noises to him. He's walked in on too much kinky middle-aged fornication to not have hangups about physical intimacy.

Feilan 3 does not like it when people grab him by the wrist. That is a Yang and Ruby zone only.

Feilan 4 hates sushi to the point where being around it forces him to fight not to be violently ill because raw animal protein of any kind reminds him of the way Team RWBY was when he first met them and the fact that he spent a good semester facing the very real threat of becoming food.

9) What would cause your OC to choose to do something petty/pointlessly cruel?

Bluebonnet is generally very sweet and friendly even to people who aren't particularly pleasant, but her inability to Pull Bitches is a sore spot for her. Make fun of her for it and she'll get real nasty, real quick. Also, don't prank her, because she will escalate (though she will be appropriately horrified if she accidentally goes too far).

Feilan: Alcohol is the big one, especially for Feilan 1, and especially if he's drinking because something bad happened to him recently. He has a bad habit of taking out his stress on the closest available target and can get real mean when he's drunk.

Hurt someone he specifically cares about or just innocent people in general and Feilan has no issues with visiting retribution upon you in kind. Do not attack Beacon Academy. It will not end well for you.

On a more lighthearted note, antagonize him or act like a dick and he will respond in kind.

For Feilan 1 in particular, you can add being General James Ironwood or anyone associated with General James Ironwood to the list. Feilan 1 and Jimmy do not like each other at all for a variety of reasons, and Feilan tends to be at his pettiest when dealing with Ironwood and his military. This has bitten him in the ass at least once.

16) How strong or weak is your OC’s Impulse control? What’s the worst thing that happened because of their impulsivity or inability to be so?

Bluebonnet is not impulsive in high-stakes situations like combat (she's a very good soldier/Huntress/leader when the situation calls for it) but is otherwise the embodiment of "fuck it we ball" in social in social situations (she will, for example, happily go on a bar crawl the night before midterms if her friends rope her into hijinks). Bluebonnet lives for Shenanigans and her grades in school suffered for it.

Feilan is not particularly impulsive at all. His stupid decisions are mostly carefully considered and planned out in advance, and normally he can't be impulsive if he wants to survive. The main thing that makes him impulsive is the presence and attention of attractive women.

17) How does your OC sabotage themselves? 

Bluebonnet sees or hears something, thinks "this seems fun!", and then later realizes that it was not, in fact, fun (or that it was fun but also a terrible idea). She mostly has her shit together otherwise, but the big way she screws herself over is via her love life. She's chronically dateless and easily infatuated, and those two things combine to make her very frustrated and prone to tunnel visioning on whatever she thinks will result in a relationship. She will do almost anything she's asked if someone pretty smiles at her and desperately needs a friend around to knock some sense into her at all times.

Feilan gets it into his head that he wants to be a Huntsman despite having no training at age 17 and all his problems arise from there. He starts his stories by finding a way to get into Beacon anyway, but those ways aren't strictly legal and are often very dangerous. The main conflict up until the Battle of Beacon typically involves him trying not to blow his cover. Feilan, stop lying to people. It will be healthier for you in the long run.

[artificialqueens]

Off Limits, Chapter 1 (Bitney, Willaska) - Veronica/Albatross

A/N: Hey guys! This is the companion story to “No Strings Attached.” We’re tagging them both as “Just Friends” so that it’ll be easy to read the chapters in order, but once it gets complicated, I might include a guide. Both ships are in both stories, but generally, “No Strings Attached” is Willaska-focused and this one is Bitney-focused. (Link to all chapters in order, which so far is just 2.)

Summary: When Bianca meets her new roommates, she’s especially captivated by one of them. Worse, the feeling seems to be mutual.

***

Bianca hated being fucking late. It was bad enough that she’d had to drive all the way from New Orleans to California, praying that her 7-year-old Kia wouldn’t break down. But for the last leg of her trip, which should have been 45 minutes, she got caught in an accident on the freeway that turned what should have been a short, pleasant zip up the freeway into a torturous 4-hour crawl.

By the time she reached the dorms, she was fuming--not to mention exhausted. And having to lug her shit from possibly the worst parking spot in the garage did nothing to improve her shitty mood. By the time she’d achieved some semblance of order in her room, she was hot and thirsty and as cranky as she’d ever been.

She chugged about a gallon of water and then collapsed on the sofa, arm over her eyes, trying to summon the energy to think about a shower.

It was then when the front door swung open and a trio of laughing, chattering girls poured inside.

Bianca looked up. At first glance, all she saw was Blonde, Blonde, Blonde. A bunch of perfect, plastic sorority girls, exactly the type of girl she couldn’t stand. (And, if she was honest, exactly the type of girl that she always feared a little bit.) She groaned inwardly, sitting up and giving them a withering glare.

Unable to help herself, she announced, “Great...I’m living with a bunch of bottle blonde bitches.” As the words left her mouth, she realized that she was perhaps not making the best first impression. But instead of taking it back, she doubled down with, “So whose hideous leopard duvet is that?”

The Littlest Blonde burst into delighted giggles, before glancing at the (Bianca assumed) Duvet-Owning Blonde beside her and pressing her lips together contritely.

Slutty Blonde slung an arm around Duvet Blonde and said, “Calm down, bitch. Some of us are garbage pails with hideous taste. We’re still people.”

Bianca pursed her lips, determined to continue hating them all.

With that, Little Blonde skipped forward, flinging herself onto the sofa and offering a bright smile.

“Hi, I’m Courtney. You must be our fourth roommate,” she said.

She had an accent--a cute accent. Shit. Do not let the accent fool you. This Barbie doll bitch isn’t your friend.  

“Wow...what gave that away, detective?” Bianca asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“Well…” she leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a low voice. “It would be a little weird for you to be here, if you weren’t. So...” She finished with a flutter of lashes and another dazzling smile, green eyes dancing with amusement.

Well, fuck. Bianca was not planning to be this charmed, this quickly. The plan was to be grumpy and sulk for awhile. Foiled by a pretty face...not the first time, but still annoying.

“Genius.” Bianca tried to suppress her smile, but dimples poked through anyway.

“I knooow, right?”

Australian. Bianca winced. Surely this was some kind of karmic justice for a terrible deed she’d done as a child. After all, there was no way in hell that Bianca would get involved with one of her roommates. She was many things, but she was not that messy.

“So, are you gonna tell us your name?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Bianca. Hi.”

“Hi, Bianca, nice to meet you.”

God, even the way she said her name was sexy. Bee-aaaahn-cah. Ugh. Bianca was well and truly fucked.

“Hey, I’m Willam,” Slutty Blonde said, perching on the arm of the sofa. “And that’s Alaska...your roommate. You should be nicer to her; she’s cool.”

Duvet Blonde gave a halfhearted wave.

“Hi, Alaska,” Bianca said, slightly chagrined, “I’m sorry...about your lack of taste. We’ll work on it.”

Courtney giggled again, tossing her hair, still watching Bianca closely. And as much as she wanted to look away, to dismiss her as some airhead, she had to admit that something in her eyes was captivating.

“So, Bianca...where are you from?” Courtney asked.

“New Orleans,” Bianca told her.

“Oooh, have you ever been to Mardi Gras?!” she asked, eyes lighting up.

“Uhh. Yeah.”

“Did you bring us any beads?”

“Why not get out your tits and see, Court?” Willam suggested.

Courtney started to lift the edge of her shirt, and Bianca’s eyes went wide--this girl was turning out to be a lot more than she’d bargained for. Courtney glanced at her surprised face and burst out laughing again.

“Just kidding.”

“Good one,” Bianca offered, a little ashamed at the flash of disappointment she felt. Of course she was kidding; Bianca needed a cold shower.  

“So, are you a new student here?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah.” Bianca cleared her throat. “I transferred from LSU.”

“Where’s that?”

“Louisiana...State...University,” Bianca explained slowly, as if she was talking to a child. Her tone was intentionally condescending, but Courtney continued her rapid-fire questions undeterred.

“Ah! Brilliant. And have you-”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Bianca said. She’d never experienced that many questions in a row, and considering her gigantic nosy-ass family, that was saying a lot. If she wasn’t so cute, Bianca would be thoroughly irritated.  

“Sure does,” Willam added with an eye roll.

“Oh yeah. I know. Is it annoying you?” Courtney bit her lip, head tilted cutely.

“That’s another question,” Bianca declared stonily, pretending once again not to be charmed. And doing a piss-poor job of it, if the glimmer in Courtney’s eyes was any indication.

“Hmm, I guess it is,” Courtney said, tone lilting and gently mocking. “Sorry, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Maybe I should ask you some questions.”  

“Maybe you should!” Courtney replied brightly. She stretched her legs--long, tan, killer legs--placing them on the coffee table and folding them delicately at the ankles. “What would you like to know?”

Do you moan in an Australian accent?

Bianca coughed, mind blanking for a moment, before admitting with a shrug, “I guess...I’m not very curious.”

“Pity. ‘Cause I’m an open book.”

“Uh. Good to know.” After a beat, Bianca offered, “So. I had kind of a shitty morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Courtney sat up straighter, the teasing smirk replaced with an expression of genuine concern. “Are you okay?”

“It’s fine, I just...I was actually about to jump in the shower. I’ll probably be in a better mood after that.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” said Willam, and Alaska let out a clipped laugh.

“I deserved that,” Bianca said with a nod and wry smile. “So I guess I’ll go...do that.”

With one last glance at the group, Bianca got up and walked towards her bedroom to get her things.

“What a cunt,” Willam said loudly--loud enough that Bianca knew it was for her benefit. She chuckled to herself.

“Bill!” Courtney scolded, then added, “I like her.”

“Clearly. Why don’t you go make my bed?”

“Make your own bed, dickhead!” Courtney shrieked.

The shower was much needed. Bianca could feel the stress of the day literally rinsing away, muscles relaxing in the steamy water. When she re-entered her bedroom, Alaska was lounging on the bed, flipping through a magazine. She sat down at her desk, pulling over a light-up mirror.

She took her time blow-drying her hair. Even put on some makeup. No reason not to look nice for a relaxing afternoon of getting to know her roommates, right? She pulled on a casual summer dress and sandals and then began to put everything away in its spot...blow dryer in the stackable basket with her curling iron, makeup in the case, brushes in the cup.

She turned around to Alaska, who gave her a smile.

“I like your bins,” Alaska commented, gesturing to Bianca’s compulsively organized and labeled plastic bins, lined up under her bed and stacked on the dresser.

“Thanks. And I like your...uh…” Bianca surveyed the mess on Alaska’s side of the room before settling on the word, “...piles.”

Alaska let out a loud cackle. The most Bianca had seen her laugh yet. She grinned wryly.

“I’m a little bit messy, sorry,” Alaska said.

“It’s cool,” Bianca shrugged. “To each their own.”

“I’ll keep it contained, I swear. And on my side of the room.”

“You fucking better!” Bianca exclaimed, and was rewarded with another laugh from her roommate.

***

Courtney didn’t like to admit it, but she’d had a bit of a lonely summer. She’d decided with her parents that, since she wanted to come home for Christmas again this year, it made more sense for her to stay at school, taking a few classes and working at an internship.

It usually wasn’t hard for Courtney to make friends, but somehow, she hadn’t connected with anyone. Her classmates seemed lovely, and her coworkers were nice enough too, but she missed the late-night gossiping with Willam, the chance to let loose and be silly. The girls she attempted to hang out with over the summer just weren’t the kind of unpredictable fun that Willam was. And her summer roommate was a reclusive Belgian girl who spent all of her time buried in her laptop wearing headphones.

But today, she was thrilled. Willam was finally back, and even better, she had two new fantastically wonderful roommates.

Alaska was great. A little reserved, maybe, but that was alright with Courtney. She had a great sense of humor and a genuinely kind soul that Courtney adored right away. Plus, she seemed to get along really well with Willam, which was a relief. (Courtney loved her BFF, but she knew that getting her seal of approval could be difficult.)

And then there was Bianca. Blunt and a bit abrasive, but Courtney found herself thoroughly enchanted almost immediately, reveling in her sharp wit and acid tongue. Her dark, flashing eyes. She was unlike anyone Courtney had ever met before, truth be told.

As Courtney helped Willam stuff her clothes into the closet and dresser and arrange her shoes and bags under the bed, she sighed happily, grateful to be surrounded by people with whom she could really let down her hair.

It took ages before Willam was satisfied. Well, not so much satisfied as much as resigned to accept the confines of their limited space. She turned to Courtney with a sigh, saying, “Well, it is what it is, I guess.”

Courtney laughed and suggested that they check on the others, skipping happily over to Bianca and Alaska’s open door. She pushed it in further, asking, “How are you ladies doing? Bonding?”

“Oh yeah,” Bianca said, turning around in her desk chair, large curling iron in hand. “Our periods are already in sync.”

Alaska laughed, and Courtney was glad to see that some of her earlier tension had melted away.

“How disgustingly primal,” Willam said, collapsing on the bed next to Alaska, who moved over to give her space.

Courtney settled on the floor nearby. She watched as Bianca carefully styled her hair, admiring the color—a rich, reddish mahogany brown—and wondering how she got it so shiny.

“Is your room bigger than ours?” Willa asked, pulling Courtney out of her thoughts as she looked around suspiciously.

“I don’t know. Is it?” Bianca asked.

“Bill’s pretty pissed about the closet space,” Courtney explained. “I gave her one of my drawers, but…” She shrugged, pulling affectionately on one of Willam’s bare feet, “Some people are just never satisfied.”

“I have an extra drawer, too,” Alaska offered, and Bianca’s eyebrows shot up.

“You sure you don’t want to use that for some of the stuff that’s…” she gestured to the top of Alaska’s dresser.

Looking at their spaces, Courtney could see a clear clash of styles. Bianca’s things were almost obsessively organized, lined up in containers with p-touch labels. Alaska’s side of the room was more haphazard, similar to Courtney’s space.

“Nah, she can have it,” Alaska said with a sweet smile, and Bianca responded by sticking out her tongue briefly.

Courtney giggled, seeing them tease each other, happy that they already seemed to be friends. She relaxed against Alaska’s desk chair, finally content to just let the conversation drift as it were, taking a break from her usual Oprah mode.

“So...not to be a wet blanket on all this delightful female bonding, but...where can a bitch find some decent vegetarian food around here?” Bianca asked, putting away her hairstyling tools and turning around.

“You’re hungry?” Courtney looked up at her.

“No, just thought I’d buy some food and throw it at seagulls. Yes, I’m fucking hungry.”

Through Courtney’s immediate laughter, Willam muttered, “Decent shit is mostly downtown...but edible? There’s the cafeteria next door, the salad bar over by the biology building, food court in the quad, the-”

“No, Bill,” Courtney giggled out with a weak swat at Willam’s leg. “Let’s get something different. Something better.” She decided not to add ‘for Bianca.’

Willam rolled her eyes and huffed out, “Fine then, cunt. Where do you suggest we eat?”

There was a moment’s pause as Courtney pondered over the question before thoughtfully looking up at Bianca, asking, “Do you like burritos?”

“Wow. That’s racist.”

“No, it’s not because you’re--I didn’t mean--it’s just that they’re really good and you said-” Courtney tripped all over herself to explain, flustered, cheeks growing hot. Shit, she hoped she hadn’t been offensive.

After a beat, Bianca burst out laughing.

“I was kidding, calm down. Burritos sound good.”

“Courtney, are you talking about that hole in the wall on Fair Oaks? We’ll have to take a car.”

“It’s good, and they have tons of veggie options, and you love driving,” Courtney insisted. “Plus, everything on campus will be chockers right now.”

“‘Chockers’?!” Willam repeated. “That’s so Aussie!”

“Packed, full, whatever, you know I’m right.”

“Ugh. Alright,” Willam groaned, then asked, “Alaska? You in?”

“Uh, I’m not really all that hungry,” Alaska said. “You guys should go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m getting a little bit of a headache.”

“Oh no!” Courtney leapt to her feet. “Do you need something? I have magnesium supplements. Or, vitamin b-complex. That’s great for headaches!”

“Or, if you want something that actually works, I got Tylenol and Advil…” Bianca gestured to one of her boxes.

“I’ve got Vicodin,” Willam added. “And weed.”

“Thanks guys, but I think I just need to lay down for awhile.”

“Okay, we’ll leave you alone. Let us know if you want us to bring you back any food,” Courtney offered.

“Thanks.”

As the group trooped out of the room, Bianca grabbed her purse and then slung an arm around Courtney’s shoulder, asking, “Magnesium supplements?”

“My dad’s a doctor of alternative medicine,” Courtney giggled.

“Well, that tracks…”

***

By the time they perched on the rickety stools at the burrito place, Bianca was beyond starving. She dug into her food with a passion as Courtney resumed her questioning from earlier.

“Sooo,” she began, drawing out the word in that infuriatingly adorable Australian way, “You said that you transferred from Louisiana, right? What brings you out here?”

“Well, I’m majoring in marketing and international relations, and they have this scholarship that combines-”

“You’re an Ashford Scholar?!” Courtney exclaimed, eyes widening dramatically.

Bianca couldn’t help be a bit pleased with herself, happy that the prestigious scholarship was known even beyond the business school. Courtney was clearly impressed, and so she gave a small shrug of faux modesty.

“That’s amazing, that’s really...you know only 1 person a year gets that, right?” Courtney asked.

Bianca nodded and swallowed, then said, “Can’t wait to meet last year’s bitch. I assume they’re extraordinary too.”

Courtney giggled, resting her cheek on her hand. “So I guess that means you’re gonna have a lot of work to do. I heard those Ashford internships are seriously intense.”

“I’ll manage…”

Though her answer sounded nonchalant, she was enjoying Courtney’s obvious respect for her accomplishment. Her eyes practically glimmered in admiration.

“What about you, dollface?” Bianca asked. “What’s your major? Psychology?”

“No...although actually I did consider that!” Courtney said.

“Shocking.”

Courtney giggled, crunching down on a chip and saying, “I’m doing PoliSci.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah…” she leaned in and stage whispered, “Your political system here is absolutely up the shit.”

Bianca laughed, not entirely familiar with that expression but getting the gist. She was about to agree when Willam interrupted her thoughts.

“That’s so Aussie!” Willam said, mouth muffled with food.

She assumed that was some kind of inside joke, but found herself unconcerned with being left out. What was more troubling was that until that moment, she’d temporarily forgotten that Willam was even there. She could already tell that it was a problem...how enchanting her new roommate was. Not to mention beautiful. The more Bianca looked into Courtney’s face, the more captivated she became. She cleared her throat, forcing her attention to Willam, who was working her way through a steak burrito bowl. Bianca nudged her foot.

“What’s your major, then?”

She expected a proud, boastful response but instead, there was just further silence. Conversation dropped dead for a few moments before Courtney chimed in softly with, “She doesn’t have a major yet...She’s still undeclared.”

“What?” Bianca exclaimed in amazement as a hint of pink rose to Willam’s cheeks despite her stony expression. “How can you still be undeclared? What year are you in?”

“Third,” Willam answered tensely, “And it's not that unusual. I just haven’t found the right thing yet, okay?”

If it wasn’t clear before that this was a touchy subject, the little huff at the end of her defense made it painfully obvious.

“Okay, well...cool.” Bianca grimaced awkwardly. Served her right for trying her hand at some Courtney-esque interview questions. She racked her brain for a lighter topic of conversation. “So...what do you guys...do for fun?”

“Shop,” Willam answered decisively.

“Oh! You know what we should do!” Courtney exclaimed brightly. “We should go to Cielo Plaza tomorrow!”

“What’s that?” Bianca asked, relieved that the subject change had worked.

“A mall,” Willam answered. “It’s no King of Prussia but there are a few good stores in there.”

Bianca wasn’t sure what the fuck “King of Prussia” was, but Courtney breezed right past it, happily pitching how great the activity would be.

“Yeah! And it’s so cute. We could have lunch, find some more decorations for the apartment, get some new clothes-”

“Should ask Alaska if she wants to come too,” Willam said, continuing to speak through mouthfuls of food.

“Of course!” Courtney enthused. “And then Saturday, we could go to the beach! Do you like the beach?”

Bianca did not like the beach. Sand in her asscrack was the last thing she wanted. But the idea of seeing Courtney in a bathing suit was pretty appealing…

“Love the beach,” she said with a smile.  

“Great!” Courtney leaned back proudly.

“So, uh…what about nighttime fun?” Bianca’s eyes flickered unconsciously to Courtney’s glossy lips, the way her tongue toyed with the straw, before quickly adding, “Any good clubs?”

“We’re underage,” Courtney said sweetly.

“Oh, right.” Bianca turned to Willam. “Come on. I know you’ve got a fake ID. Where do you go?”

A secretive, almost mischievous smile spread across Willam’s lips as her eyes narrowed in on Bianca consideringly. There was a confident, daring tone in her voice as she responded with a simple, “Depends.”

Arching her brow, egging her on, Bianca shot back, “On?”

Willam’s smile grew just a little wider as answered, “On what your type of scene is.”

Fully catching onto the joke that had gone over Courtney’s head, Bianca sat back in her seat, arms crossed with an amused grin of her own and asked, “What do you think it is?”

There was a loaded pause as the two stared one another down. Courtney’s eyes darted back and forth in confusion, looking absolutely lost.

Finally, after what felt like a decade of waiting, Willam broke the silence of the group and replied almost smugly, “I think you'll be right at home in Sierra's.”

“Willam!” Courtney scolded harshly as she gave her friend a firm smack to the arm. Turning a bright shade of pink, she turned to Bianca and apologized, lowing her voice, “I'm sorry, that...that's a gay bar.”

The way her voice had dipped into such a low whisper had Bianca laughing on the spot. As soon as she managed to get ahold of herself, she inquired with amusement, “So? What’s wrong with gay bars?”

Stunned, Courtney blinked several times before finding her voice again. “Nothing! That’s not what I-it’s not that there’s anything wrong, she just shouldn’t assume...I mean, if you’re okay with it, then-”

“Well, it’s probably gonna be my best bet at getting laid,” came the nonchalant answer.

Looking rather pleased with herself, Willam piped back up for affirmation, “So you are...?”

Nodding her head, Bianca confirmed, “Mh-mm...And what about you? Casual observer or part of the family?”

“I mean...if that's what I'm in the mood for, yeah.”

“Makes sense,” Bianca quipped as her brow arched, “You do seem like the ‘take it anywhere you can get it’ type.”

The comment earned a loud laugh, one distinct enough to draw the attention of nearly everyone else in the shop. Despite the onlookers, Willam reassured her with a playful grin, “Trust me bitch, it’s not that hard to get it around here...”

“Sounds promising,” Bianca replied before turning back to Courtney, “You alright, dollface? You’ve been awfully quiet over here.”

Stumbling to collect herself, Courtney found herself mumbling, “Oh...um, no. I mean, yeah, I'm not-I mean-”

“Court is straight,” Willam said, saving her from stammering any longer.  

“You don’t say,” Bianca said, trying to sound like she’d known all along. Secretly though, she was a bit surprised. She could have sworn that the blonde had been giving her vibes all day. Well...too bad. Karmic justice, indeed. With a sly sideways glance at her, Bianca clucked, “Pity.”  

Snorting through her laughter, Willam shook her head and said, “Yeah, you wish, bitch. But that pussy’s a boys club.”

“Bill!” Courtney wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Bianca shook her head sadly, asking, “So...you’ve never even been eaten out by someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing down there?”

“Hey! Men can learn!” Courtney exclaimed defensively, then a tiny conspiratorial grin crept onto her face and she admitted, “I mean...hypothetically.”

Bianca burst into cackling laughter.

“Oh, you poor baby,” she cooed, still giggling, slipping an arm around Courtney’s shoulders. Courtney turned to her with a look of good-natured self-pity, lower lip puffed out, batting her lashes slowly for comedic effect.

The more Bianca thought about it, the more she realized that there was something a bit freeing about Courtney being straight. She was straight. There were lines that would never be crossed, ever. So it meant she was safe to flirt and have fun and it would never make her living situation complicated.

Win win, right?

Bianca looked into Courtney’s sparkling green eyes one last time before removing the arm from her shoulder, chuckles dying down.

***

Bianca suggested a stop at the grocery store on the way home, which Courtney realized was a great idea, since she had barely anything stocked, having chosen to eat most of her meals for the past few days in the cafeteria by their building.

Plus, she didn’t mind at all that they were extending their outing, finding Bianca to be both hilarious and fascinating. While Willam was occupied on her phone, Courtney hopped into the cart, beaming up at Bianca.

“Uh, I’m sorry, are your legs broken?” Bianca asked pointedly.

“Come on, please?! I wanna riiiiide,” she wheedled, and Bianca smirked at her.

“Oh, I can give you a ride.”

Courtney bit her lip, both hating and loving the way her stomach twisted every time she looked into Bianca’s brown eyes. It was thrilling, but also terrifying, like being on a rollercoaster--and Courtney loved rollercoasters. She was still a bit miffed at Willam for so adamantly proclaiming her straightness earlier, though she couldn’t really say why. It was true, of course, she was straight, but the way Willam said it so definitively was annoying, especially since she’d only just found out that Bianca was gay moments before.

All Courtney did know, for sure, was that she was having fun, so she decided just to enjoy herself and not stress about it.

They sped through the store, picking up pantry staples and some produce for the next couple of days, along with a few treats that Courtney insisted on...coconut water, dates, kale chips. Bianca pretended to be disgusted by all of it.

At one point, in the freezer aisle, Courtney found herself gazing up at Bianca, admiring again how thick and shiny her hair was. When Bianca leaned over the cart to toss in a package of frozen peas, Courtney reached up, fingering a lock gently.

“Is that your real hair color?” she asked.

“No,” Bianca said, “Not even close. Why, is that your real hair color?” She reached out, unceremoniously ruffling Courtney’s hair.

Courtney ducked and giggled, saying, “Almost! It’s...slightly enhanced.”

A wicked look passed across Bianca’s face as she said, “You know, there’s a way to check that.”

“Eyebrows?” Courtney asked, lashes fluttering innocently.

Bianca cackled gleefully, dark eyes dancing with joy, and said, “Yeah, eyebrows. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Courtney bit her lip, feeling a surge of pride at making someone as funny as Bianca laugh so hard.

They were almost to the check-out when an employee asked tiredly for her to please get out of the cart.

“Oh yeah, sorry!” she said, scrambling to get up.

“Need a hand?” Bianca asked.

“Thanks.” Courtney let Bianca help her out, one hand holding the cart steady and the other on her waist. A faint blush colored her cheeks as she jumped down and found herself chest to chest with Bianca, close enough to smell her perfume, which was lovely--warm and smoky. It made Courtney want to lean in closer...

“Let’s go!” Willam screeched, slamming the cart into their legs.

“Soz Bill!” Courtney snapped out of her daze and headed for the registers, making sure to snatch a few bars of dark chocolate on the way, chuckling slightly at Willam’s mumbled “that’s so Aussie.”

It was still early when they got back to the apartment, and Courtney was too riled up to sleep, so she suggested opening a bottle of the wine that Bianca bought. Alaska was dozing, so they left her in peace while the three of them sat around Courtney and Willam’s room and chatted for a few more hours. They shared stories about their childhoods and families, generally getting to know each other--at least until Bianca’s eyelids began to look heavy and they sent her off to bed.

As Courtney finally snuggled down into her comforter, lightly buzzed and perfectly content, her last thought was how lucky she was, how wonderful her roommates were, how life-changingly amazing this year promised to be.

[thecollegefootballguy]

Bizarro Football: An Alternate History of College Football in 2016

Welcome back to Bizarro Football, a look at what would have happened if conference realignment never happened from 2010 onwards.

Check out the previous seasons first if you’d like to catch up: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015

This post is basically an amalgamation of the various other conference posts I’ve made throughout this (and part of last) off season. Check those out here:

ACC: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big East: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big Ten: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big 12: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 PAC-10: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 SEC: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018

I’ve made some adjustments for games that were never played as well as incorporating the G5 and Notre Dame, but otherwise things haven’t changed from these earlier posts.

So far, the College Football Playoff era has been a mixed bag for Bizarro Football. 2014 went even worse than real life because even fewer deserving teams made the Playoff. Conversely, 2015 went exactly right, picking the 4 most deserving teams to make the field. Let’s see how 2016 stacks up.

-

ACC

Atlantic Division

Clemson 13-0 (8-0) Florida State 11-1 (7-1) NC State 8-4 (5-3) Boston College 7-5 (4-4) Maryland 5-7 (1-7) Wake Forest 4-8 (1-7)

Coastal Division

Virginia Tech 9-4 (6-2) Miami FL 9-3 (5-3) North Carolina 7-5 (4-4) Georgia Tech 8-4 (4-4) Virginia 3-9 (2-6) Duke 4-8 (1-7)

ACC Championship Game: Clemson over Virginia Tech

The ACC really hasn’t been altered all that much by conference realignment. I guess because Pittsburgh and Syracuse really didn’t do much outside of 2018, and Louisville just was in the wrong division to matter. I mean, Clemson has had two back to back undefeated regular seasons in this universe, so things have changed a little thanks to avoiding Pitt and Syracuse. Florida State remained rock solid right behind the Tigers, but this was the last year that Jimbo Fisher’s Seminoles would fly so high. As usual, the rest of the conference wasn’t that impressive. Virginia Tech won the Coastal carousel this time around, but the Hokies weren’t impressive enough to seriously threaten either Clemson or FSU.

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Big East

Pittsburgh 9-3 (6-1) Louisville 10-2 (6-1) West Virginia 10-2 (5-2) South Florida 9-3 (5-2) Cincinnati 5-7 (2-5) Syracuse 4-8 (2-5) Rutgers 3-9 (1-6) Connecticut 3-9 (1-6)

Another year, another mediocre Pitt team somehow beats out better Louisville and West Virginia squads to claim the Big East title. God this conference is so depressing. It was a good thing that they lost an automatic bid. Or maybe it’s just a shame that they didn’t get UCF or Houston in this version of the league.

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Big Ten

Ohio State 11-1 (7-1) Michigan 11-1 (7-1) Wisconsin 10-2 (6-2) Northwestern 8-4 (6-2) Penn State 8-4 (5-3) Minnesota 8-4 (4-4) Indiana 6-6 (3-5) Iowa 6-6 (3-5) Michigan State 5-7 (2-6) Purdue 3-9 (1-7) Illinois 1-11 (0-8)

I’m really getting sick of the Big Ten’s antics. For the third year in a row, the league has had two 11-1 co-champions. I’m starting to see the utility of the conference championship game. And the Big Ten was GOOD in 2016. Michigan, Ohio State, Wisconsin, and Penn State all landed in the AP top ten. In this scenario, the Wolverines went 11-0 but just couldn’t close out (and really got jobbed) by the Buckeyes. OSU went unbeaten aside from an upset on the road to Northwestern. This scenario is really unkind to Penn State. The Nittany Lions lost to Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio State in back to back to back weeks, and they lost to Pitt because somebody has to get upset by Pitt. That’s enough to knock one of the hottest teams at the end of the year out of the NY6. What a shame.

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Big 12

North

Colorado 10-3 (7-1) Nebraska 9-3 (5-3) Kansas State 8-4 (5-3) Iowa State 4-8 (2-6) Missouri 3-9 (1-7) Kansas 2-10 (1-7)

South

Oklahoma 11-2 (8-0) Oklahoma State 9-3 (6-2) Texas A&M 8-4 (4-4) Baylor 7-5 (3-5) Texas 6-6 (3-5) Texas Tech 6-6 (3-5)

Big 12 Championship Game: Oklahoma over Colorado

After a decade of futility, Colorado once again had their moment in the sun. The Buffaloes tore through the North and briefly became America’s Team. Then Oklahoma came in an rained on their parade. OU was once again the premier Big 12 team, but the Sooners’ 11-2 record likely keeps them out of reach of the Playoff. The league as a whole was down outside of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State, so an at-large bid is somewhat unlikely.

-

PAC-10

Washington 11-1 (8-1) Washington State 9-3 (8-1) Stanford 10-2 (7-2) USC 9-3 (7-2) Oregon State 5-7 (4-5) California 5-7 (3-6) Oregon 5-7 (3-6) Arizona State 5-7 (2-7) UCLA 4-8 (2-7) Arizona 3-9 (1-8)

The PAC-10 went from being one of the most consistently good conferences in college football to the bottom of the Power 5 barrel (though thankfully the Big East keeps them from being the absolute worst in this universe). It also kinda sucks not having Utah and Colorado this year. Washington and Washington State both staged uprisings against the previous conference overlords: Oregon and Stanford. The Apple Cup ended up deciding the conference and the Huskies, playing their best season since 2000, take the league crown with their tie-breaking win. USC was the league’s hottest team by the end of the season, but the Trojans’ early struggles will likely keep them out of the Rose Bowl in this scenario.

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SEC

East

Florida 7-5 (5-3) Vanderbilt 7-5 (4-4) Tennessee 7-5 (3-5) Georgia 6-6 (3-5) Kentucky 6-6 (3-5) South Carolina 6-6 (3-5)

West

Alabama 13-0 (8-0) Auburn 10-2 (7-1) LSU 7-4 (5-3) Arkansas 7-5 (3-5) Mississippi State 5-7 (3-5) Ole Miss 4-8 (1-7)

SEC Championship Game: Alabama over Florida

My word the SEC East just did not matter in 2016. It’s not like they were better with Missouri, the Tigers completely collapsed as well. Florida again makes it to Atlanta but they didn’t need to play that Championship Game. In what was probably the league’s weakest season since 2007 or 2006, Alabama just smokes the rest of the conference on their way to the Playoff.

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Notable non-BCS Conference Teams

Memphis 12-1* Western Michigan 13-0*

*conference champions

Row the Boat! Aside from Memphis no other G5 team really mattered aside from Western Michigan. Timing plays a big part in breakthrough seasons, and WMU timed their undefeated run really well.

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Projected CFP Rankings

#1. Alabama 13-0 (8-0) #2. Clemson 13-0 (8-0) #3. Ohio State 11-1 (7-1) #4. Washington 11-1 (8-1) #5. Michigan 11-1 (7-1) #6. Florida State 11-1 (7-1) #7. Auburn 10-2 (7-1) #8. Oklahoma 11-2 (7-1) #9. Wisconsin 10-2 (6-2) #10. Stanford 10-2 (7-2) #11. USC 9-3 (7-2) #12. Oklahoma State 9-3 (6-2) #13. Washington State 9-3 (8-1) #14. Colorado 10-3 (7-1) #15. Western Michigan 13-0 (8-0)

There is a pretty big drop in in quality after the top five or so teams. That and some of the best teams at the end of the season (USC and Penn State) don’t get the proper recognition.

Oh yeah, and with the Rose, Sugar, and Orange Bowls all falling outside of the Playoff rotation, there is only one at-large bid to go around.

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Projected NY6 Games

Orange Bowl: #6 Florida State vs #19 Pittsburgh

This is gonna be a bloodbath. The Panthers have no business being here and Florida State would have a lot of frustration to work out having been outdone by Clemson again. I don’t think Pitt does their Pitt thing in this game and upsets the Seminoles. In real life, FSU did beat a superior Michigan team to end their last good year under Fisher so I can’t imagine the Panthers put up a fight.

Cotton Bowl: #9 Wisconsin vs #15 Western Michigan

This matchup actually took place in real life. Western Michigan’s dream season ended under the crushing heel of a well oiled Wisconsin machine.

Rose Bowl: #5 Michigan vs #10 Stanford

Michigan didn’t get into the Playoff, being passed over in favor of PAC-10 Champion Washington. Instead, the Wolverines get to take it out on Stanford. The Cardinal probably would not have done well in this game, they had a good enough year but USC would have been the proper choice. However, the Trojans’ resume just wasn’t enough to put them ahead of Stanford and so the Cardinal get to represent the PAC-10 in the Rose Bowl. I assume UM wins this one, but it could have been a fun game if Stanford’s offense doesn’t get totally corralled early on. 

Sugar Bowl: #7 Auburn vs #8 Oklahoma

As SEC runner-up, Auburn has the tough task of facing off against Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl. The Sooners were the better team but this could be a pretty wild game based on the offenses and defenses involved.

Peach Bowl (semifinal): #1 Alabama vs #4 Washington

lol

Fiesta Bowl (semifinal): #2 Clemson vs #3 Ohio State

LOL

Oh hey, the Playoff perfectly matches what happened in real life 2016. Maybe that means it’s working. Not that it would have been too difficult to choose the top 4 teams in this situation.

Clemson wins the national championship I guess.

-

So far Bizarro Football is 2 for 3. 2015 and 2016 perfectly match the real life top 4 which also happened to be the 4 correct playoff choices. 2014 was a mess but that whole year made it pretty difficult.

[thesportssoundoff]

The AAF And Why We Should Care About These Teams

Joey

Feb 5th, 2019

Still bummed about the Super Bowl? Well let's get over it real quick! On Saturday, the Alliance of American Football will be the first of THREE (God help us) spring football leagues to take off. THREE. We really needed that many, huh? Doesn't being announced after the XFL, the AAF will launch this spring under the watchful eyes of Dick Ebersol and NFL executive legend Bill Polian and will air across a variety of platforms such as Bleacher Report's online app, the NFL Network, the CBS Sports online app, TNT and CBS itself. Let that be a lesson to those of you who think that sports can't milk every single penny out of today's weird digital/broadcast era. The majority of the pitches for this game feature stuff football fans do seem to want in some capacity although disagreements about HOW to implement them remain. For instance, the AAF is attempting to shave 30 minutes off of the viewing experience by limiting commercials. They're also scrapping pretty much all elements of kicking from the game (two point conversions only, onsides kick have been replaced by a wacky 4th and 10 scenario and there's no kickoffs either) so fans who are obsessive compulsive about kicking get a bit of a break. We've got a college football style "one foot = catch" rule and a reduction of the play clock from the NFL's 40 seconds to a cool 30 seconds. It's an attempt to do somethings differently and I'm at least willing to give it a try.

With just eight teams to choose from for the AAF,  I'll just go team by team and list ONE reason why you should care. As much as you wanna just consider it a bunch of has beens and never was' playing out here, there's some intriguing storylines for the AAF. So much so in fact that perhaps you'll find a team so intriguing that you'll follow along this year!

Atlanta Legends

Why: Michael Vick Offensive Coordinator

I wanted to do a larger piece on how the NFL's lack of black head coaches boils down to the NFL's lack of black offensive coordinators (the IN demand spot these days). Instead of writing eight paragraphs about something that could be done in one, let's just look at Michael Vick and his new role as Atlanta Legends offensive coordinator.  For starters, the Alliance of American Football being a potential breeding ground for former players to better grasp the coaching game is an A+ decision. We've already seen the offensive coordinator for another team in the Alliance of American Football get the bump up to NFL QB Coach (Jon Kitna went from San Diego Fleet Offensive Coordinator to Dallas Cowboys QB coach) and any opportunity for former players to stay involved in the game is a good one. Michael Vick's name comes with a lot of clout (and plenty of controversy) so right off the jump he's an important get for the AAF. How good he is as an offensive coordinator (be it gameplanning, calling plays or making adjustments on the fly) could determine how quickly he ascends at the position. Vick is a really unique character and a polarizing figure but seeing him in the role of offensive coordinator is going to be a worthwhile experiment. If Vick opens the door for other young out of work players to jump into the coaching game then I for one am all for it. As for the roster, the Atlanta Legends actually have plenty of name value from former Georgia QB Aaron Murray to NC wide receiver Bug Howard to Iowa RB Akrum Wadley to a host of Georgia Bulldogs on defense.

Memphis Express

Why: The "name" QB battle

Let's always be honest about this stuff; your fan interest will only go as far as the QB you have. The Memphis Express may not have GOOD QBs but they have NAME QBs and that's truly what counts. The Memphis Express have Christian Hackenberg and Zach Mettenberger, two "name" QBs who figure to draw in eyeballs if only due to the fact that there's Penn State and LSU involved. Hackenberg was a disaster for two years at Penn State and people excused him for that because the team was bad or the line was bad or the coaching was bad. Turns out Hackenberg was just bad and continued to be bad at the NFL level before getting bounced around by 4-5 different teams. Hackenberg will attempt to resurrect his stock in the AAF, a team that literally named its offensive coordinator in like early January after their original OC bounced. Hackenberg won the job but the back up spot belongs to Zach Mettenberger. I refuse to believe that Hackenberg is a better player than Mettenberger but ALAS! Mettenberger has NFL experience and has thrown actual touchdowns in real football games even if he played like a 6th round pick who was holding onto a roster spot for dear life. He just wasn't that good. Mettenberger and Hackenberg are two guys who share similar traits (big, they throw the ball far) with different reasons (Mettenberger was a problem in college, Hackenberg couldn't really play) that leads to the same development (playing in the AAF to continue their pro football careers). Still a QB BATTEL with name value is STILL a QB BATTEL and here we are. The Memphis Express also have a ton of LSU guys and LSU players don't half ass it so expect a ton of big hits from their defensive which legitimately has an all LSU DL. Also of note, the head coach is Mike Singletary and we can expect plenty of intense coaching gifs and press conference call outs of his own players. That's the finest reality we deserve.

Orlando Apollos

Why: Steve Spurrier is BACK!

Remember the days of Steve Spurrier? Run and Gun? Mr. Click Clack?  There ya go. The Ol Ball Coach is back and Spurrier in Florida just feels right. Steve Spurrier's offenses in the mid to late 2000s were some of the funnest things imaginable and I'm curious to see if a few years off to refuel the jets don't bring out the fun in the Run 'N Gun offense. Spurrier's offense is helmed by either Austin Appleby or Garrett Gilbert since apparently nobody knows who the starter is as of this moment. Beyond that, he's also got a trio of name running backs (D'Earnest Johnson from USF was a popular name around draft time plus Akeem Hunt from Purdue and De'Veon Smith from Michigan were interesting dudes) and like twelve WRs who all run really fast. Realistically though I feel like this team is about watching to see if Steve Spurrier turns this gig into another college coaching opportunity soon enough.

Birmingham Iron

Why: TRENT RICHARDSON (and friends)

Unsurprisingly given the whole locales theme, the Birmingham Iron roster is LOADED with dudes from Alabama. The one name who immediately jumps out is Trent Richardson and I'm surprisingly intrigued to see how he looks. It's worth remembering that Trent Richardson had a tremendous rookie season and looked to be on the way to being something before he got big/hurt. Perhaps Richardson will be rejuvenated playing at home in front of what figures to be a primarily loaded Alabama crowd. Also keep an eye on Blake Sims who I figure will win the QB job eventually. In fact keep an eye on every player from Alabama (Auburn, Bama, Troy) because chances are they'll be given ample opportunities to show out at home. They also have the coolest uniforms. Lastly Tim Lewis is a long time defensive coordinator/DB coach getting his first crack at a head coaching gig so I'm curious to see if he can parlay that into another big opportunity down the line.

San Diego Fleet

Why: Mike Martz

Mike Martz is arguably one of the more unfairly judged head coaches in NFL history. He was the coordinator for the Greatest Show On Turf and as head coach of the Rams, Martz had five full seasons---he made the playoffs in 4 of those. Martz' ouster in St. Louis was controversial for a variety of reasons but he WAS successful and deserves to be remembered as such. From that point on Martz never got another head coaching opportunity, bouncing around as a coordinator in Detroit (back to back 4,000 yard seasons for Jon Friggin' Kitna of all things), San Francisco and a disastrous run in Chicago with Jay Cutler. Martz was pretty much cast aside by the NFL at that point and his reputation as a pass happy difficult personality pretty much ensured he would stay out the game.  With passing being en vogue (and every QB guru alive being courted for 1,000,000 roles), this might be Mike Martz's last chance to maybe find a place in big time football. The San Diego Fleet roster is relatively bare compared to its contemporaries but Mike Martz almost guarantees to make it as fun as possible given the usual performances of his wacky passing game. Mike Martz making Mike Bercovici look like an NFL level quarterback would probably be his greatest accomplishment ever. Also keep an eye on Nelson Spruce slot WR-ing his way back to the NFL if it's any thing like he was at Colorado.

Arizona Hotshots

Why: Phil Savage and Rick Neuheisel

Phil Savage is in a very weird spot here. Savage had a brief runs as Browns GM and it went about as well as you'd expect it to. He was in, out and done before anybody even knew he was there. Savage re-emerged as a key part of the Senior Bowl process and for the most part, I don't think I ever saw many complaints about Savage's job as the figurehead for the event. Surprisingly at the end of 2018, the Senior Bowl replaced Phil Savage with former scout Jim Nagy. The decision to move on from Savage was not exactly well received at first and it seems like Savage has bounced back well enough with the AAF. Savage should be able to form a damn good roster given that he's probably interacted with and been around most of these players relatively recently as the Senior Bowl's ace executive. Somehow someway Rick Neuheisel has weaseled himself into the picture and into another head coaching job, he of a sparkling 87-59 record in college but a less than sparkling 47-40 from 2000 onward. Plus he's also been pretty much run out of every stop he's had under inauspicious circumstances. Phil Savage should in theory be able to find a competent squad of players (and they have a pretty well known defense with Sterling Moore, Rahim Moore, Will Sutton, Carl Bradford, Scooby Wright and Chunky Clements) and perhaps the time away has rejuvenated Neuheisel. At the very least Trevor Knight will be fun to watch am I right?

Salt Lake Stallions

Why: A Testing Pattern Perhaps?

Utah has one pro sports franchise, the Utah Jazz, which is  intreresting when you consider how beloved the Jazz are. It seems like there's a very big supportive fanbase for sports out there in the Pacific Northwest and yet Utah has no football team, no baseball team and no hockey team. PERHAPS this can be a test. The Salt Lake Stallions overall do not have the most appealing roster in this entire deal but they may be the one best situated to draw the biggest audience. Utah is not blessed with a lot of pro sports options and if the Stallions are good then perhaps they can get people into the stadium. They have a weird eclectic mix of former Utes and three former QBs who if memory serves were all in the draft last year.  Former Vikings RB and Utah legend Matt Asiata is 31 year and probably cooked BUT he figures to be a popular face for fans.

San Antonio Commanders

Why: An Actually Kinda Decent Deep-ish Team

Really. If you were putting together an all star game in 2017/2018 of pretty decent-ish draft prospects, a lot of these dudes would be here. QB Logan Woodside? Pretty good player! Had some issues but was a super productive small MAC QB type dude. RBs David Cobb and Aaron Green? Kinda intriguing RBs! Tray Williams has been on like 12 NFL teams as a third down back over the past two years even if he never stuck. WRs like Greg Ward, DeMarcus Ayers and Mekale McKay? Some draft buzz there! Some of their OL were late round types who wouldn't have been out of place at an NFL camp this season. The defense has draftnik "names" like Joel Lanning, Keenan Gilchrist, Tyrone Holmes, Austin Larkin, Winston Craig and a secondary featuring Jordan Thomas and Duke Thomas on the back end. It's actually not an awful team assuming you can put the parts together.

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Thursday,  20 October,  2022.. Warmup.......Thrusters.......20 Minute AMRAP.

It was a bit warmer today.  But it froze overnight, and that caused a massive leaf-drop from our blessed trees at the Barn.  Another week and the trees will be bare.  That’s my least favorite trilogy of months, those 3 months when our trees are barren of leaves.  

Afterwards, I’ll get all the leaves blown away.  And then I’ll lay down a thick layer of new long-leaf pine needles.  Somehow it will look clean and neat tho’ bare at the Barn, and we will yet love being there.  Except when it’s icy.    

Warmup:

3 Rounds

10  Light Banded Thrusters

10  Overhead Squats with same band in place of bar.  

Strength WOD:

Thrusters:     2 Reps   E 2 M   X    7 Sets     ( 14 Reps )  

Barbell can be taken from the Floor or rack.

Progress weight, post best 2.

Neal/Sloppy(??)=185     ED=165     Robert=155     Herb=135     Dana=125     Tom/Chad=105     Coach/Nathan=95      Joe/LSU=75     Kayla=42     Timmy (”The JerK”)=??     Harper/Alicia/Angel no post.     Gail (Gayle)/Trip/Elisa/Faith/Ruth Anne and others=no posting.  Who is “Sloppy”?     

Metabolic Conditioner:

20 Minute AMRAP

For Rounds and Fractions

20  Double-Unders      ( SU  X  2 )

10  Push Presses     ( 95/ 65 )

20  Calories any ERG     ( must use 2 )

10  Dead-hang Pull-Ups

RXers:

Sloppy(??)=5 3/4     Neal=5 1/2     Timmy=5     Robert =4 1/4

Scaled:

Ed/Dana=7     Joe/Chad/Nathan/Kayla=5     LSU=4 1/2     Herb=4 1/4     Tom=4     Coach=PJ     Many people did not post.

Cool-Down:

A Wine Tasting.  Bring snacks.   

And they did.  Cheeses, crackers, “pigs in a blanket”, and more.  “More” was Dana’s pumpkin bread that she personally made only moments before bringing that hot mess to the picnic table.  Just one more reason to love Dana.  And at least 8, maybe 10 bottles of wine.  3 whites and the rest reds.  It all was enjoyed by the time we wrapped it up at about 7 PM.

Robert unloaded a bunch (I refuse to use “Tranche”) of new LONG SLEEVED JERSEY’s at the Barn yesterday.  I have separated them into group sizes on hangers.  Don’t venture to make a mess of them without asking me.  All the girls present and many males got shirts today.  You gotta be here to get one.

Elisa brought her Mom today.  Gail (Gayle) is from Houston.  She looked ‘way too young to be Elisa’s Mom, and I told her so.  Miss Linda is out of town today, but due to poor timing I was sporting 8 days of grizzly beard and I couldn’t seem to get Gail (Gayle) involved in a conversation.  That snake “The Bird Man Joe” had her locked up using his totally unexplainable charm, so I didn’t even get a chance to give her a new shirt.  Prolly a small-medium I would gauge....

Most of you probably think I find you intolerable, but that’s not true.  It’s not even 50% of you.

Saturday at 0730 and 0930.  It’s gonna be a fine weekend.   

[auburnfamilynews]

The SEC’s weirdest rivalry may be what we need.

As we look forward to this afternoon’s Halloween matchup between Auburn and LSU, let’s go back several months and look at a possibility.

March 13th, 2020. Friday, March 13th, 2020.

That was kind of the day when this all hit the fan. Aside from being designated “World Sleep Day”, the news on that particular Friday was vast.

We’d just canceled basketball. Like, it was done. We wouldn’t get to see Auburn defend a conference tournament title and make a return to the NCAA Tournament. No more NBA, either.

Here’s a snippet of the headlines then:

It’s pretty much all bad news, and it’s continued that way for several months. No lie, 2020, and October in particular, have been long and tough.

So, how do we give this thing a hard reset? Can we power cycle it? Does that work?

When you finally get to this point, what can you do but be a little aggressive?

View post on imgur.com

And how does it get more aggressive than trying to combat the miasma of 2020 than by taking a visit to the old backwoods voodoo shop that Auburn and LSU co-own and operate.

Here we are, trying to find solutions for this pandemic and trying year, and the answer was here all along. Just let Auburn and LSU play. We should’ve done this months ago. Spring scrimmage. Best of seven. Apply the magic liberally.

We would’ve wiped this thing out by mid-April.

When you consider the facts, there’s no other way to approach this. Auburn and LSU have played the most unimaginable series in conference history, and the rivalry doesn’t even really date as far back as some other matchups.

Of particular note:

1988 - Stupid idiot Earthquake Game. LSU scores in the closing seconds and the bourbon-induced guttural moans triggered a flimsy seismograph across campus to register. Auburn’s only loss in the regular season. With a win, they would’ve played Notre Dame for a national title.

1994 - Ha! Stupid idiot Curley Hallman!

LSU quarterback Jamie Howard throws three pick sixes among his five interceptions in the fourth quarter, and Auburn erases a 23-9 deficit to win 30-26 and keep the winning streak alive.

1995 - Stupid idiot Phantom Whistle game. Patrick Nix got sacked for a safety when he heard a whistle from the stands and stopped during the play. Auburn loses 12-6.

1996 - Stupid idiot Barn Burning game. Literally a barn, not like “BARN CHEATIN”. Smoke billowed up from behind the student section but play continued. Auburn got screwed out of a touchdown when a Robert Baker catch was called incomplete. We lose 19-15.

1999 - Cigar Game. Auburn wins in Baton Rouge for the most recent time. Oh why does this number have to start with a 1?? Gross. Tommy Tuberville brings his guys back out onto the field to smoke cigars and curses the Auburn fortunes in Death Valley for decades to come.

2001 - 9/11 Game. Auburn/LSU is set for September 15th, but pushed back because of 9/11. LSU gets stronger as the season goes along, and thwacks us in Baton Rouge. Damon Duval fights a band member.

2004 - Hurricane Game. In the afterglow of Hurricane Ivan, Auburn upends the defending national champions with Jason Campbell’s last minute touchdown to Courtney Taylor. Nick Saban, Will Muschamp, and Jimbo Fisher are all on the LSU sideline.

2005 - Poor John Vaughn. Vaughn misses five field goals, including a doink in overtime to tie it, and Kenny Irons’ 200-yard day is wasted as Auburn loses again in Death Valley.

2006 - The Totally Not Pass Interference Officials Finally Made a Good Call Game. LSU gets unlucky with a controversial no-call on a play late in Auburn territory when Zach Gilbert and Eric Brock get entangled with an LSU receiver. Auburn stops LSU short of the goal line on the final play of the game to win 7-3. Oh, and an LSU fan doused our eagle with a drink and got arrested.

2007 - Les Miles Rabbit’s Foot Game. Instead of going for the easy field goal and certain win, Les Miles elects to throw to the end zone in the closing seconds. The pass is completed, when a bobble may have killed the clock. LSU loses twice during the regular season and still backdoors into the national championship.

2010 - Cam Newton Heisman Game. If the Iron Bowl cemented the Heisman that year for our large adult son, this was the game that vaulted him to the top of the polls. He runs for 217 yards and two scores, with one the scintillating affair where he dodges nearly every member of the LSU defense. Auburn goes to #1 in the country after this win and takes the national title a couple months later.

2016 - The You’re Fired Game. Loser of this game was pretty much guaranteed to fire the coach. Auburn gets six Daniel Carlson field goals and LSU appears to score the game-winning touchdown on the final play of regulation, but a review shows that the offense wasn’t set and the clock had run out before the snap. Les Miles gets fired the next morning.

2017 - Gus Hotseat Part 1,000. Auburn builds a 20-0 lead in Baton Rouge but tightens up and lets it slip away in the second half, falling 27-23. Auburn wins out in the regular season and wins the SEC West. This game, however, falls into one of the 3-4 most inexcusable losses under Gus Malzahn along with 2014 Texas A&M, 2016 Georgia, and 2018 Tennessee (and now 2020 South Carolina).

2018 - Pass Interference Revenge for LSU. Auburn blows another double digit lead and Joe Burrow leads a game-winning drive that culminates in a walk-off field goal for LSU and a 22-21 final score.

2019 - Nobody comes close to LSU in the regular season except for Auburn in Baton Rouge. In the end, a penalty on LSU allows LSU to run out the clock and preserve the win on the way to a perfect season.

See, if we’d just had a few of these happen in March, the Butterfly Effect of mojo would be more than capable of wiping out COVID, bringing back Kobe, dousing the wildfires, and doling out another round of stimulus checks to the country.

Or, we could be in for something truly epic tomorrow. Let’s consider the facts again.

Gone are the ultra-talented offensive cogs from last season for LSU. Heisman winner Joe Burrow, along with his trusty skill position players, most of his offensive line, and his wunderkind passing game coordinator are all in new spots (the NFL). Steve Ensminger is in charge of the show once again. Dave Aranda is leading Baylor, while people are laughing at Bo Pelini’s Baton Rouge buyout considering how poor the LSU defense has been this year.

They lost to Mike Leach, who hasn’t won another game yet. Think about that. MIKE LEACH MADE LSU WALK THE PLANK AND THEN DID SO HIMSELF. Mutually assured destruction from the Pirate. They also lost to Missouri and first year coach Eli Drinkwitz. LSU looked great against South Carolina, but that was at home, at night, where you can never pick against the Bayou Bengals unless you’re Troy.

Meanwhile... you know how this season has gone for Auburn.

Earlier this year, our own James Jones wrote a nice little ditty examining the history of BARN CHEATIN’. That only reviewed our controversial wins against the Tide after we were accused of nothing more than playing “gotchya and grabass” by the full diaper havers across the state.

Interesting only if you’re a mouthbreathing nitwit. Equitable if you’re the ones on the field trying to play actual football instead of gotchya and grabass. https://t.co/sum1sEFeXM

— Roll ‘Bama Roll (@rollbamaroll) April 22, 2020

Now, however, they may not be alone. Arkansas has joined Club Barn Cheatin’ —

I’m gonna be bitter for so long. In WHAT WORLD is that not a fumble!? WE WON THAT GAME pic.twitter.com/eGxwcFYlD9

— WoOoO Pig SpoOoOoky (@ArkansasFight) October 11, 2020

Then Ole Miss joined the group with these shirts and the sympathy of Alabama beat writers. It’s an alliance!

You can now grab yours today! : https://t.co/r4qq8zrpQR pic.twitter.com/W2cOnbQHWj

— Randy Jewel Morgan (@RebelNutt18) October 27, 2020

C’mon, you know we only cheat by funneling cash to star players through their family’s church and then strong-arming the NCAA into keeping them eligible by having a large yella man who likes to hit stuff with his own brand of 2x4s. Can’t you tell that’s how we run this game by all of the blue chip recruits we’ve gotten lately? Huh? Oh.

Anyway, Auburn has had some major buildup coming in the form of karma against LSU. The double digit leads blown over the past two years, with all the pass interference calls going against Auburn in 2018 are sure to somehow Yeerk their way into the back judge’s ear and force him to throw a flag on the purple Tigers. It’s going to happen. We’re going to get an all-SEC West alliance of Barn Cheatin’ going on in 2020.

Now, I’d love that, because it means we can win all of our division games, pissing off EVERYBODY and getting some victories while we’re at it in the year that doesn’t matter.

Let’s boil down the wild games in this series to a few choice words.

Photo finish. Last second. Controversial. Turnovers. Missed kicks. Poor clock management. Crowd involvement. Heisman winners. Natural disasters. Nicotine.

Now, to create the perfect outcome for tomorrow’s game, adding in Halloween and a full moon and a pandemic and the election.

Auburn and LSU will play a perfectly fun first half. There will be a bunch of points scored because neither defense is really all that good. LSU hits two or three big pass plays, and Auburn gets a breakaway run from Tank Bigsby and a long touchdown through the air. There will be a gadget play that works and one that blows up spectacularly. I have no designation on which team those happen to.

After halftime, it’s a close game, but LSU builds their lead in the third quarter with some defensive adjustments and another long pass play for a score. As the fourth quarter starts, Auburn trails by two scores. Then the turnovers happen. Whoever’s playing quarterback tomorrow will throw a pick, leading to a score for Auburn, and then in the final five minutes, Bo Nix and Tank Bigsby lead a methodical drive down the field and Auburn goes up by a point.

LSU will have a couple minutes left to salvage a win, needing only a field goal. They quickly move into range for the kick, but in their greed they go for the end zone from the Auburn 25. Offensive pass interference is called on a play where both the receiver and defender are hand-fighting, and the 15-yard penalty moves LSU back to where only a 57-yard field goal would win the game. With just five seconds left, Ed Orgeron trots out the kicking team, but the kick misses. Auburn roughs the kicker but doesn’t get called for it. Tigers (blue ones) win.

In the aftermath, Donald Trump criticizes Ed Orgeron for bad coaching on Twitter, and says that Big Ten football is way better (they love him in Iowa!). The southern states revolt and go blue. LSU joins Barn Cheatin’, Inc. and as a full moon sets on Halloween on the Plains, 2020 is put back in order.

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/10/30/21542277/auburn-lsu-and-the-case-for-resetting-2020

[sportsleague365]

With one year of collegiate eligibility remaining, former Florida Gators quarterback Feleipe Franks decided after the 2019 season that he would choose to play elsewhere. Monday night, Franks made his transfer destination official when he announced on Instagram that he will continue his career with the Arkansas Razorbacks. The move is a curious one for Franks considering he is not only staying inside the SEC but moving to a team that just completed a 2-10 (0-8 SEC) season and hired an offensive line coach in Sam Pittman as its head coach. It is unknown how many suitors there ultimately were for Franks’ services, but considering this is his last season before he presumably hopes to make it in the NFL, he is putting a lot of eggs in the basket of offensive coordinator Kendall Briles To be fair, Briles did help FAU’s offense win the program a Conference USA championship in 2017, and he again succeeded at Houston in 2018. But he had a rough go of it at Florida State under Willie Taggart, and the Arkansas playmaking talent is not necessarily next-level. After his injury, Franks was replaced as Florida’s starter this year by Kyle Trask, who became the first Gators quarterback since Tim Tebow to throw for 300+ yards and 3+ touchdowns in three or more games in a single season. The rising redshirt senior is expected to return as the starter in 2020, though rising redshirt sophomore Emory Jones will provide immense competition this spring. No matter who starts next season, both will likely see significant action throughout the year. This officially marks the end of a turbulent career for Franks at Florida. A heavily-recruited four-star prospect who was not projected to start until his third year with the program, injury thrust Franks into action as a redshirt freshman in 2017. He completed only 54.6 percent of his passes and posted nine touchdowns to eight interceptions, losing six straight games late in the season. The hiring of head coach Dan Mullen was expected to be a boon for Franks in 2018, and after he got off to a rocky start that led to fans calling for his ouster as the team’s starter, he recovered to put together a tremendous end to the season. Franks started the year 6-1 with two top 25 victories but did not look particularly good in those games. Consecutive bad losses to Georgia and Missouri (the latter on homecoming) led to Mullen benching Franks for Trask. However, Trask suffered a season-ending foot injury just a couple days later in practice, pushing Franks back into the starting role. Franks responded by leading a come-from-behind win against South Carolina that week. He infamously “sushed” the crowd at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium with a finger to his lips twice in that game, which bothered some but to most showed a renewed confidence and mindset. That carried over to Florida’s final three games of the season where it put forth dominant efforts. The Gators outscored their last three opponents 145-39, ending a seven-game losing streak to Florida State and blasting Michigan in the Peach Bowl. Franks completed 63.2 percent of his passes and scored nine total touchdowns with no interceptions in those games. He ended the year with 31 total touchdowns and six picks, eye-popping totals and the best Florida had seen since Tebow. The 2019 season started well enough for Franks as he was completing 76.1 percent of his passes and won his first two games, but he committed two costly turnovers in the opener against Miami and was struggling mightily on the road at Kentucky in Game 3 before suffering his season-ending injury. Trask entered that game and led the Gators to 19 unanswered points on three fourth-quarter touchdown drives. Trask went on to complete 66.9 percent of his passes for 2,941 yards, 29 total touchdowns and seven interceptions this season. After getting over some fumbling issues in his first few games, Trask was exceedingly careful and commanding with the ball. His only losses came by a total of 21 points to two of the top four teams in the nation (LSU on the road, Georgia at a neutral site), and he passed for 282+ yards in six of his 10 starts while also scoring 3+ total touchdowns in five of 10 games. A return to Florida for Franks would likely have been a disaster. Not only does he have to continue his rehabilitation, which would have put him behind the 8-ball during spring practice, Franks would have needed to beat out one quarterback who won over the fan base and another who is clearly the future of the program. Even if Franks did somehow win the job, he would have been on an exceedingly short leash, which could have led to a wasted season in his final year of eligibility. Franks will be remembered as having one of the most contentious careers in program history considering the heights of his highs and the depths of his lows. His last gesture as a member of the program was a selfless one that will help the Gators long term as his quick departure before Orange Bowl practice and the early signing period — not to mention spring practice — cleared up the quarterback picture for 2020 and likely relaxed any potential angst Jones would’ve had about the bodies involved in a competition next season. #FeleipeFranks #ArkansasRazorbacks #DanMullen

[junker-town]

What’s wrong with the Browns and Odell Beckham Jr.?

Odell Beckham Jr. and the Browns have both had a disappointing 2019 season.

Beckham is getting fewer targets in Cleveland, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

In the fall of 2018, Odell Beckham Jr. got frustrated with the New York Giants and his lack of targets downfield. In the fall of 2019, Odell Beckham Jr. is frustrated with the Cleveland Browns and his lack of targets downfield.

The All-Pro wide receiver couldn’t get quarterback Baker Mayfield’s attention on a pivotal fourth-down play in a 24-19 Week 9 loss to the Broncos. After that pass instead went to a double-covered Jarvis Landry, Beckham was visibly frustrated and could be heard telling teammates: “I can’t get the ball to save my life.”

His Browns, favored to win the AFC North this preseason, are now 2-6 — worse than they were in 2018 when Hue Jackson was fired after a 2-5-1 start.

Beckham didn’t point fingers when he was asked about his play in the locker room. That doesn’t mean he was happy about one losing team behind for another last offseason.

#Browns Odell Beckham on how he wants to help the team more pic.twitter.com/lnIRxavIIj

— Mary Kay Cabot (@MaryKayCabot) November 4, 2019

Beckham expected better in Cleveland. The Browns worked hard to build around his unique talent. Somehow, it’s failed to work out for either side.

The Browns aren’t giving Beckham the opportunities the Giants did

Beckham’s frustration at the end of Sunday’s loss is understandable. While he finished his game with five catches and 87 yards — the third-most yards he’s gained as a Brown this season — he had only six targets in a game where Mayfield threw the ball 42 times. A seventh target could have been the difference between victory and defeat. Here’s what Beckham did on fourth-and-4, when Mayfield threw the ball to a fully blanketed Landry instead.

Baker went across the middle to Landry with two defenders instead. Ouch. pic.twitter.com/bB0zlW3tgV

— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) November 4, 2019

This was made even more egregious by the wizardry Beckham had pulled off four plays earlier. He’d pushed Cleveland into Denver territory with the kind of insane catch that should have convinced everyone on the Browns sideline to throw the ball to the former Giant at every single opportunity:

ODELL HOW @obj pic.twitter.com/7hZ60HS9AU

— The Checkdown (@thecheckdown) November 4, 2019

That turned out to be the last target Beckham got on Sunday. And it wasn’t that surprising.

Through eight games, the All-Pro is tied with Landry as the Browns’ most wanted receiver; each has been targeted 67 times. But there’s been a major difference. Beckham hasn’t exactly been utilized like a generational WR1, but he also hasn’t exactly inspired confidence in his connection with Mayfield. Here’s how it looks in advanced data after Sunday’s loss, per Pro Football Focus (with an assist from SIS).

Mayfield’s targeting Jarvis slightly further downfield than Beckham, but he’s also hit him with lower-quality passes. Jarvis is doing more with less than his new teammate, thanks in part to Beckham’s uncharacteristic drop rate through the first nine weeks of the season. Other than that, the two have had a fairly similar impact in the Browns’ offense — which is fine, just not enough to make a huge impact for a team whose playoff chances have been crushed into powder.

But how does Beckham’s 2019 situation compare with his last two years in New York? Here’s how those midseason numbers look contrasted against the 16 games he played over the 2017 and 2018 seasons with the Giants:

So yes, Beckham hasn’t been super reliable in 2019, but he has a case here if he’s wondering if he’s being sold short. After thinking he’d been freed from the low-wattage passing of late-stage Manning to thrive alongside a blossoming young passer, he’s instead getting targets from Eli 2.0 (or Young Eli, which I will soon be pitching to CBS, please do not steal my sitcom idea). Manning’s QB rating when targeting Beckham his last two seasons as a Giant was 93.9. Mayfield’s is 72.7.

Beckham averaged 10.5 targets per game as the crown jewel of the Giants’ passing game from 2014-18. In the four seasons where he played 12 weeks or more with New York, no one else on the roster averaged more than 7.9.

Now he’s sharing space in the crown alongside Landry and that number is down to 8.4 — same as his former LSU teammate and current formation bookend.

That’s how Beckham is getting the ball less on a pass-heavy team that’s needed come-from-behind efforts in the majority of its games this year. The occasionally superhuman wideout hasn’t seen an uptick in targets or wins since leaving Manning behind. Part of that is due to the Browns’ inability to naturally incorporate him in the offense that took the league by surprise in late 2018. It’s also fair to say he hasn’t been as consistent as Landry, who already has a full year of playing with Mayfield under his belt.

Spreading the ball away from his top WR is what got Freddie Kitchens the Browns’ job in the first place

Kitchens was a breath of fresh air for the Browns after being promoted to interim offensive coordinator last season. His predecessor, Todd Haley, leaned heavily on Landry to prop up an undermanned unit. Cleveland was singularly focused, predictable, and easy to stop in that 2-5-1 start.

Kitchens flipped the switch and empowered Mayfield to turn anyone who lined up as eligible into a weapon. Landry’s targets fell from 11.8 per game (and a 52 percent catch rate) to 6.9 and a 58 percent catch rate as the team rallied to a 5-3 finish with players like Duke Johnson, David Njoku, Antonio Callaway, and Ravens castoff Breshad Perriman all leading the team in receiving yards in various games. Mayfield played MVP-caliber football behind center in that stretch, throwing 19 touchdowns en route to a 106.4 passer rating over the last half of his rookie campaign.

That passing diversity has waned in 2019 due to a few reasons: Beckham’s arrival, Callaway’s four-game suspension to start the season, and Njoku landing on injured reserve foremost among them. But while Beckham may not be getting the targets he’d like, his presence has definitely changed Kitchens’ and Mayfield’s chemistry compared to the last half of 2018. Here’s what that looked like last year:

And here’s what it looks like through half of Kitchens’ first year as head coach.

Cleveland has altered its offensive DNA and is worse off for it. That’s not to put the blame at Beckham’s feet, however. Mayfield and the offensive line have regressed. The creativity that marked Kitchens’ ascendance has been in short supply. The rest of the Browns have woken up to find it’s 6 a.m. on Feb. 2 once again, and that they’d better not forget their booties because it’s coooooooold out there.

How do the Browns fix this AND keep Beckham happy?

Great question. The first and most obvious fix is to hit Beckham on fourth down when he’s streaking down the sideline with a cornerback three yards in his wake. The Browns know that, so let’s assume they’ll start there.

The other part of the equation requires building Mayfield back up to a Pro Bowl level. He’s got a long way to go after leading the league in interceptions through half the 2019 season. The second-year quarterback has yet to throw multiple touchdown passes in a single game despite one of the league’s most powerful 1-2 punches at wideout. While an offensive line that’s allowed his sack rate to spike deserves some (but not total) blame, Mayfield has looked lost in the pocket. The confidence that had simmered to a boil the past four years is nowhere to be found.

Throwing the ball to Beckham in times of crisis could help, but it behooves Kitchens to involve more of his offensive weapons. That’s going to be a little difficult without Njoku in the lineup. Without 2018’s second-most targeted player, Cleveland’s tight ends (Ricky Seals-Jones, Demetrius Harris, and Pharaoh Brown) have combined for 19 catches through half a season.

But there are players available who can thrive in the space created by Beckham and Landry and reduce the amount of double-teams those two see. Callaway was solid as a rookie but has struggled to regain that form as his yards-per-target number has dropped from an efficient 10.3 over the last half of 2018 to 5.9 in his four games this season. Rekindling that downfield connection would be a boon for Cleveland’s lost passing game.

Although Duke Johnson is gone, Week 10 will mark the first game the Browns will have former Chief Kareem Hunt in the lineup following his eight-game suspension for violations of the league’s personal conduct policy. While Nick Chubb has been useful as a receiver in the backfield, he’s averaging more than four fewer yards per catch in 2019 than Hunt has averaged in his NFL career.

Other contributors like Damion Ratley, KhaDarel Hodge, Rashard Higgins, Taywan Taylor, and tailback Dontrell Hilliard could all help prop up Mayfield’s passing attack. Kitchens’ turning them into stars may be a long shot — but hey, he turned Perriman into the team’s top wideout on multiple occasions last fall, so let’s not put anything past him.

Kitchens is still calling the plays in Cleveland and has no plans to give that up. There’s still hope he can turn things around, especially if he can remember what got him there. But he’s got to walk a tightrope between keeping his offense functional and getting Beckham the targets he deserves without breaking his gameplan. That is a fine line for any coach — especially one who had never been so much as a full-time coordinator before 2019.

Kitchens is feeling his seat warm up just nine weeks into his head coaching debut. That can change as his receiving corps grows together, Mayfield finds a way out of this sophomore funk, and the budding young coach stops overthinking his world and gets back to the freewheeling philosophies that made him an intriguing offensive coordinator. It can also sew seeds of discontent that lead to irreconcilable differences and trade demands.

The Browns hope this case will be the former. Their history suggests it’ll more likely be the latter.

[thecollegefootballguy]

Bizarro Football: An Alternate History of College Football in 2013

Welcome back to Bizarro Football, an alternate reality created to imagine what would have happened if the 2010 conference realignment cycle never happened.

This is obviously the third post, check out the previous seasons here: 2011, 2012

I made full conference specific posts already, so read those here:

ACC: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big East: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big Ten: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big 12: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 PAC-10: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 SEC: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018

I’ve made some adjustments for games that were never played as well as incorporating the G5 and Notre Dame, but otherwise things haven’t changed from these earlier posts.

Now, to wrap it all up, here are the conference records, presented before the bowl games:

-

ACC

Atlantic Division

Florida State 13-0 (8-0) Clemson 10-2 (7-1) Boston College 7-5 (5-3) Wake Forest 5-7 (3-5) Maryland 7-5 (3-5) NC State 3-9 (0-8)

Coastal Division

Duke 10-3 (6-2) Miami FL 9-3 (5-3) Virginia Tech 7-5 (4-4) North Carolina 6-6 (4-4) Georgia Tech 5-7 (3-5) Virginia 2-10 (0-8)

ACC Championship Game: Florida State over Duke

The ACC joined the rest of the BCS conferences, in the last season of the BCS, to have some conference realignment turnover. But that was real life. In Bizarro Football, nothing changes. Nothing would have changed much anyway with or without Pitt and Syracuse. Florida State and Clemson were once again the best teams in the league, but the Seminoles were on some other level. The Noles blew past the competition to go undefeated. Shout out to Duke, the Blue Devils winning 10 games is more impressive than FSU winning 13 in my opinion.

-

Big East

Louisville 12-0 (7-0) Pittsburgh 9-3 (5-2) Syracuse 8-4 (5-2) Cincinnati 7-4 (3-4) West Virginia 6-6 (3-4) Rutgers 6-6 (2-5) South Florida 1-11 (1-6) Connecticut 1-11 (1-6)

The Big East continues to be the worst BCS conference. Without UCF to spoil the party, a good but not great Louisville wins out against the baby bottom soft competition. Are the undefeated Cardinals good enough to make the BCS Championship Game?

-

Big Ten

Ohio State 12-0 (8-0) Michigan State 10-2 (7-1) Wisconsin 10-2 (7-1) Iowa 8-4 (5-3) Michigan 8-4 (4-4) Northwestern 8-4 (4-4) Minnesota 7-5 (3-5) Penn State 5-7 (2-6) Illinois 5-7 (2-6) Indiana 4-8 (2-6) Purdue 1-11 (0-8)

You can’t lose the Big Ten Championship Game if there is no Big Ten Championship.

Urban Meyer takes the Buckeyes to a national championship game one year ahead of schedule. Poor Michigan State, in their best season of the Dantonio era, is kept well away from the national title thanks to losses in South Bend and Columbus. Wisconsin also had a real nice season, but the Badgers somehow missed playing Ohio State and Michigan State, so they don’t get too much love. 

-

Big 12

North

Missouri 12-1 (7-1) Kansas State 8-4 (5-3) Nebraska 8-4 (5-3) Colorado 5-7 (1-7) Kansas 3-9 (1-7) Iowa State 3-9 (1-7)

South

Baylor 10-3 (6-2) Oklahoma 10-2 (6-2) Oklahoma State 10-2 (6-2) Texas A&M 8-4 (4-4) Texas 6-6 (4-4) Texas Tech 6-6 (2-6)

Big 12 Championship Game: Missouri over Baylor

Missouri wins the Big 12 Championship Game for the first time ever, and the North Division wins the first Big 12 CG since 2003. The Tigers overcome a rising Baylor team who managed to wade through an extremely difficult South Division to reach their first ever Big 12 Championship. Oklahoma and Oklahoma State were both extremely good and Bedlam threw a monkey wrench into the division race. In fact, the Cowboys would have won the South if it wasn’t for losing to their archrivals.

-

PAC-10

Stanford 10-2 (7-2) Oregon 10-2 (7-2) Arizona State 9-3 (7-2) UCLA 9-3 (6-3) Washington 8-4 (5-4) USC 7-6 (4-5) Arizona 6-6 (3-6) Oregon State 5-7 (3-6) Washington State 5-7 (3-6) California 1-11 (0-9)

The PAC-10 was rock solid in 2013, unfortunately that meant that no team was able to come out unscathed. Stanford beat challengers Oregon and Arizona State, but couldn’t win road games in LA and Tucson. The Cardinal once again have to content themselves with a Rose Bowl berth instead of coming anywhere close to the BCS Championship Game. Another really really good Oregon team gets thwarted by a loss to Stanford. On top of that, a dumb loss to Arizona keeps the Ducks out of the BCS.

-

SEC

East

South Carolina 10-3 (6-2) Georgia 8-4 (5-3) Vanderbilt 8-4 (4-4) Florida 4-8 (3-5) Tennessee 5-7 (2-6) Kentucky 3-9 (1-7)

West

Alabama 12-1 (7-1) Auburn 10-2 (6-2) LSU 9-3 (5-3) Mississippi State 8-4 (5-3) Ole Miss 8-4 (4-4) Arkansas 3-9 (0-8)

SEC Championship Game: Alabama over South Carolina

This one changes a lot. Auburn doesn’t win the SEC because they don’t even win the West. The Prayer at Jordan Hare doesn’t happen because the Tigers’ hopes die between the hedges instead. The Kick Six still knocks Alabama out of the BCS National Championship Game, but the Tide win the SEC. Bama faces off against Steve Spurrier’s last great Gamecock team. South Carolina obviously represents the East because Missouri is still kicking butt in the Big 12.

-

Notable non-BCS Conference Teams

UCF 12-1 (8-0)* Utah 10-2 (7-1)**

*conference champions **co-champion

UCF wins Conference USA pretty handily, but without their win over Louisville, the Knights are stripped from their best win of the season. Will they make it as a BCS Buster in the last year of the BCS?

-

Projected BCS Standings

#1. Florida State 13-0 (8-0) #2. Ohio State 12-0 (8-0) #3. Alabama 12-1 (7-1) #4. Louisville 12-0 (7-0) #5. Missouri 12-1 (7-1) #6. Auburn 10-2 (6-2) #7. Oklahoma State 10-2 (6-2) #8. Baylor 10-3 (6-2) #9. Oklahoma 10-2 (6-2) #10. Stanford 10-2 (7-2) #11. Oregon 10-2 (7-2) #12. South Carolina 10-3 (6-2) #13. Michigan State 10-2 (7-1) #14. Clemson 10-2 (7-1) #15. Wisconsin 10-2 (7-1) #16. UCF 12-1 (8-0)

UCF makes the top 16, but the Knights don’t automatically qualify as a BCS buster because ever BCS conference champion ranks higher than them. And yes, Alabama would have been ahead of undefeated Louisville and it would have been well deserved.

-

Projected BCS Games

Rose Bowl: #10 Stanford vs #13 Michigan State

Hey, this one happened in real life. The stakes were a bit higher and both teams ranked higher in real life, but this was a close one. Michigan State wins in a slug fest as the Spartans out-coached the Cardinal.

Fiesta Bowl: #5 Missouri vs #4 Louisville

Missouri lays into a Lousville team that was good enough to win the Big East but definitely not good enough to beat the Tigers. Charlie Strong had already had his ticket punched to Texas, demoralizing an already overmatched squad. It’s a great win for Mizzou, and the culmination of the Gary Pinkel era. Great job, Tigers.

Sugar Bowl: #3 Alabama vs #9 Oklahoma

I mean, I can’t pass up the opportunity. Not that I was intentionally being malicious to Alabama here. I have Auburn as an at-large and they wouldn’t have been paired against Alabama, so with Oklahoma as the other at-large, the Sooners get to play the Tide.That sets up the real life scenario, where an unprepared Bama got suckered in a shootout they were not prepared to win.

Orange Bowl: #14 Clemson vs #6 Auburn

This would have been a great bowl game. I’d have to favor Auburn of course, the Tigers barely fell to Florida State in the BCS Game in real life. However, Clemson shocked heavy favorite Ohio State so who’s to say it doesn’t happen again. The uncommon Tiger Bowl is always something to celebrate.

BCS National Championship Game: #1 Florida State vs #2 Ohio State

This is a mismatch. Ohio State genuinely doesn’t belong here and Florida State was better than everybody else in the country and was certainly better than the Buckeyes. The Seminoles likely lap OSU to win their most recent national championship. I think we forget how good this FSU team was as the 2010′s conversation increasingly only features Alabama and Clemson, but good for the Noles with this win. I tend to hedge here in games that weren’t played in real life, but this would have been a boat race.

This is the first BCS Championship Game since 2005 not to involve the SEC, so that’s kinda cool if you’re into parity.

So, how different would the world have been in 2013 had conference realignment never happened? Not too different, though the Big 12 and SEC sure got scrambled a lot in this scenario. Florida State, though, was clearly the best team in the country, so they roll to the national championship. It really didn’t matter who they played, Auburn, Ohio State, whoever.

-

We now come to the end of the BCS era. Let it rest in peace. It was an important step in college football’s evolution, as bad as it was at picking the #1 and #2 teams at times. Next up, we see how much the top 4 changes without the 2010 realignment. And boy, does it change.

[teespix]

LSu Tigers Football Ncaa division football southeastern conference 2019 champions shirt

LSu Tigers Football Ncaa division football southeastern conference 2019 champions shirt

Nunes was in Ukraine doing the LSu Tigers Football Ncaa division football southeastern conference 2019 champions shirt work at the same time he was on Capitol hill grilling military members .maybe Nunes and some of these spineless Republicans that are defending this bulshit somehow is involved in all of the president drama. Bob Lewis. Russell Kinder, you can’t fight someone that’s fighting for…

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Tuesday,  23 November     Warmup.....Back Squats.....15 Minute AMRAP.....Dips.

A crispy cool (Herb said COLD) but sunshiny afternoon at the Barn.

Warmup:

       10 Weighted Back Raises            15 Squats            3 Rounds

Strength WOD:

Back Squats:            10 / 8 / 6 / 4 / 2

                     Post your best 2 Rep Max TODAY.

Brendan=>315     Ed=285     Timmy=235     Lew/Chase=225     Herb=215     Robert=205     Coach=>195     Darin/Dana=185    LSU Dave=155      Linda=100     Joe=65     Sue/Chad/Sam D/Thomas B/ Lew  and others=no posting

Metabolic Conditioner:

15 Minute AMRAP           For Rounds and Fractions

30 Double   or   60 Single-Under Jump Ropes

10 Kettle Bell Swings     ( E-70 / 53 / 35 )

10 Alt. Lunge Steps With 2 DumbBells   (E-50 or 40 / 30 / 20)

10 Alt. Shoulder To Overhead Press    (E-50 or 40 / 30 / 20)

Elite:

Brendan=6 3/4     Thomas=?

RX:

Dana=9 1/4     Herb=6 3/4     Robert=6 1/2     Timmy=6     Chase=5 1/4

Scaled:

LSU Dave=8     Linda/Coach/Joe=6 1/2     Darin=6      Lew/Sam D/Thomas/Sue/Chad=no Posting

Anyhow Dips     10 / 8 / 6 / 4 / 2

Notes:

A spontaneous wine party erupted afterwards.  It seemed to be hatched by the Schwartz’s, since they miraculously produced wine and snacks.  About 6 of us remained (behind the others leaving early) and enjoyed a couple of bottles of red wine.  I suppose this happened because we won’t have our usual Thursday wine party.

Prior to and sometimes simultaneously there occurred a WODMOD (sp??).  This is somehow related to CrossFit Yoga.  At least a 1/2 dozen did the workout, which involves people laying about on mats doing various poses to the soothing voice and music of the lap-top leader.  You may laugh and ridicule, but I liked it and look forward to the next session.

The Christmas party invites have gone out via an elaborate E-mail designed by Miss Linda and Esther.  We can tell when you have opened and viewed, responded or NOT.  Please respond.  One way or another, our CATERER needs to know a number attending ASAP.  If you show up for the party and didn’t RSVP, there won’t be sufficient food and drinks.  I’d rather you’d RSVP and say you are coming but don’t, that way my REAL friends will have an abundance of food and drink.  Don’t tell Miss Linda I said that.  Saturday, December 18, 6 PM.  BE THERE !!! 

Thursday, THANKSGIVING, 0930.   

[jimbrown1940]

Thursday, June 20th, 2019

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

THE DEMISE OF ENTERTAINING POLITICS IN LOUISIANA!

I have a sad announcement to make. Politics is just no fun anymore in Louisiana.

Reams of books have been written about the colorful characters that ran the Bayou state throughout its history. And the average citizen got involved, attended rallies and actively supported their candidate of choice. Few states could match the intensity and enthusiasm that was a part of Louisiana campaigning. The state’s two favorite pastimes were LSU football and Politics.

The two Longs who served as governor wanted to stay involved right up to the time of their deaths. Huey Long was shot and died September 10, 1935, eleven days after his 42nd birthday. His last words were, “God, don’t let me die. I have so much to do.” Younger brother Earl Long was famously quoted as saying: “Oh Lord, when I die, let me be buried in Louisiana, so I can stay active in politics.”

Retail politics used to be a basic part of any campaign. No statewide candidate would fail to attend the Rice Festival in Crowley, the Watermelon Festival in Farmerville or the Strawberry Festival in Hammond. There were thousands of hands to shake and voters galore who loved to be part of the campaign season. I experienced the buzz and thrill of campaigning during my 28 years in public life. Politics was just a lot of fun.

Most of my colleagues who served during my tenure going back to the 1970s ran for public office to serve and try to improve the quality of life for the voters they represented. There was little thought of financial gain. When I was first elected to the Louisiana State Senate back in the 1970s, I was paid $600 a month, with no office, staff or any other financial help. I represented a large part of Northeast Louisiana. My phone bill in my district averaged $900 a month. A campaign contribution of $100 was a big deal.

Today a political campaign is all about who can raise the most money. TV drives the debate. Political rallies are few, and you would be hard pressed to see a candidate for statewide office throwing candy and riding in a local parade. If a candidate is leading in the polls, he or she often chooses not to even show up for debates. So the public loses interest, voter participation is down, and voter distrust is on the rise.

Political parties in Louisiana are becoming more and more obsolete. It has become obvious that any allegiance to a particular party is over. Democrats make up 43% of registered voters, but a significant number rarely vote their party affiliation. The fastest growing numbers of registered voters are independents that list themselves with no party affiliation.

An interesting side note is that the last time a president was elected in the country who was neither a Republican or a Democrat was Louisiana native Zachary Taylor, who won on the wig ticket back in 1848.

One of the problems in Louisiana and across the country is that extremists in both parties are dominating the political agenda. Or as veteran Republican consultant Mac Stipanovich puts it, “Somehow you’ve got to destroy the myth that you don’t win if you’re not crazy enough.”

And working across the aisles with a legislator from the opposing party is a thing of the past in a number of states including Louisiana. A few years back, legislators would fight hard for their political beliefs during the day, but then spend time socializing and working towards some type of compromise when the working day was done. No longer. Today, if a lawmaker from the opposing party disagrees or has a contrary opinion, then he or she is dead wrong and often is considered a political enemy.

There’s a Governor’s race in Louisiana this fall that, so far, few seem to care about. The campaigns are just, well dull. Don’t you miss the rhetoric and musings of Huey, Earl, Jimmy Davis, and even ole’ EWE? Sad to say, the thrill is gone. Let’s hope we can at least cheer on a winning Fighting Tigers team this fall.

*******

Peace and Justice

Jim Brown

Jim Brown’s syndicated column appears each week in numerous newspapers throughout the nation and on websites worldwide.  You can read all his past columns and see continuing updates at http://www.jimbrownusa.com.  You can also hear Jim’s nationally syndicated radio show each Sunday morning from 9:00 am till 11:00 am Central Time on the Genesis Radio Network, with a live stream at http://www.jimbrownusa.com.

[auburnfamilynews]

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

lol they postponed Florida/LSU again

So we made it through a hurricane week without a postponement or even a weather delay. Now we have the COVID week. We’re missing two games, one head coach has tested positive, and we’ve heard nothing out of South Carolina or Texas A&M after they played against teams that have been ravaged by positive tests and contact tracing. Wheeeeee.

So far this year, defense has been nearly optional. Alabama and Ole Miss wound up hitting the original OVER before it was dropped 10 points due to Hurricane Delta. As a result we have three totals in the 50s and one all the way up at 76.5. You can guess which team is involved there. HINT: it’s the one that stopped their opponent from gaining just 41 yards last week.

Current Standings

Josh Black: 25-17 (8-6 last week) Chief: 21-21 (5-9 last week) Crow: 21-21 (7-7 last week) Ryan: 21-21 (7-7 last week) Jack: 19-23 (5-9 last week) Jonesy: 19-23 (6-8 last week) Josh W: 19-23 (6-8 last week) Nerd: 18-24 (7-7 last week) Dr Will: 16-26 (5-9 last week) Drew Mac: 14-28 (5-9 last week)

It’s a good thing we don’t do this for a living. If we did, Drew would be living on Top Ramen.

LSU @ Florida (-13) (O/U 71)

Dan Mullen says he wants 90,000 people in the Swamp and then 80% of his football team either has COVID or is out due to contact tracing. 2020 remains undefeated.

Also I am SHOCKED that Megan Mullen got it too. SHOCKED I TELL YOU.

Staff Picks: Ryan: Florida 40-30 (Ryan got it in early) Jack: Oh, postponed. If they somehow play, Florida 42-24 (Jack acknowledges that Dan Mullen is completely unpredictable) Josh W: nope Drew Mac: I will let ya know on December 11th. Josh B: COVID-19 100, Dan Mullen’s opinions on super spreading events 0 Crow: Covid-19 35 Dan Mullen 20 Chief: Florida 45-28 (lol Chief sent this in after the postponement)

Kentucky @ Tennessee (-6) (O/U 46)

SP+ Pick: Kentucky +5.2; over (49)

This is the only total line under 50. Tennessee isn’t necessarily lightning-quick on offense, and Kentucky prefers to shorten the game. I’m just about to the point where we should just throw out what teams do on offense against Georgia, because there’s no one else in the conference who comes close to them right now. Tennessee was pretty good against South Carolina, and they were ruthless against Mizzou. They did struggle a bit against the run against Georgia (3.9 yards per carry jumps to 4.5 if you take out the 30 yards they lost on a bad shotgun snap), but it’s not like Kentucky lit MSU on fire last week. Let’s not overcomplicate things: Tennessee 27, Kentucky 20 (Tennessee wins and covers; over)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: Tennessee 24-17 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Jack: Tennessee 30-14 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Josh W: Kentucky 25, Tennessee 28 (Tennessee wins, Kentucky covers; over) AUNerd: Tennessee 31, Kentucky 27 (Tennessee wins, Kentucky covers; over) Drew Mac: 30-21 Vols (Tennessee wins and covers; over) Josh B: Tennessee 26, Kentucky 17 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Crow: Kentucky 24-20 (Kentucky wins outright; under) Chief: Kentucky 26 - Tennessee 23 (Kentucky wins outright; over) Dr Will: Tennessee 31, Kentucky 17 (Tennessee wins and covers; over)

Ole Miss (-3) @ Arkansas (O/U 76.5)

SP+ Pick: Ole Miss -4.6; under (56)

I think we can say at this point that Arkansas’s defense is not bad. They held down Georgia, admittedly before they made a pivotal quarterback change. They gave everyone the blueprint for defending Mississippi State (or at least adapted the one that Washington used against WSU). They held Auburn enough in the second half for their offense to get their issues figured out and at least make it a game. But all 3 of those prior opponents don’t stress a defense’s depth like Ole Miss does. While Arkansas has done well to limit explosive plays, I could see them breaking in the second half as Ole Miss continues to keep the hammer down.

Ole Miss has been terrible against the run this year, but while I think Arkansas will move the ball on the ground, I don’t see them moving it as well as other offenses have against the Rebels. That just puts their defense out there over and over again. I think Ole Miss covers easily. SP+ being twenty points different on the total is enough to convince me. Ole Miss 41, Arkansas 33 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: Arkansas 41-40 (Arkansas wins outright; over) Jack: Ole Miss 41-34 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Josh W: Ole Miss 52, Arkansas 31 (Ole Miss wins and covers; over) AUNerd: Arkansas 42, Ole Miss 38 (Arkansas wins outright, over) Drew Mac: 38-28 Rebel/Black Bear/Shark/Locomotives (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Josh B: Arkansas 41, Ole Miss 38 (Arkansas wins outright; over) Crow: Arkansas 35-34 (Arkansas wins outright; a nice little under) Chief: Ole Miss 38 - Arkansas 33 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Dr Will: Ole Miss 48, Arkansas 38 (Ole Miss wins and covers; over)

Texas A&M (-6.5) @ Mississippi State (O/U 54)

SP+ Pick: Texas A&M -6.6; over (57)

Three weeks after MSU’s torching of LSU in Baton Rouge, they’ve scored all of 16 points against Arkansas and Kentucky. Two of those came when UK’s punter made the smart call to kick a botched punt out of the back of the endzone. A&M might actually have the worst defense between them, Arkansas, and Kentucky, but they have the blueprint and they’re very opportunistic. I don’t see MSU getting things figured out unless Leach just decides to hand Kylin Hill the ball 20 times.

State’s defense hasn’t been the problem at all. They kept Arkansas under 300 yards. They held Kentucky to 3 yards per play (granted that jumps to 3.9 if you take out the 48 UK lost on that safety). Still, if Mond’s success against Florida wasn’t a factor of Florida’s “defense”, I think covering a touchdown in Starkville shouldn’t be a problem. I think the Air Raid works enough for MSU to help cover the over though. Texas A&M 41, MSU 21 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: TAMU 34-14 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Jack: A&M 35-17 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Josh W: Texas A&M 42, Mississippi State 7 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) AUNerd: Texas A&M 35, Mississippi State 20 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over) Drew Mac: 38-17 Aggies (Texas A&M wins and covers; over) Josh B: A&M 38, Mississippi State 13 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Crow: Aggy 36-4 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under; State somehow gets more hilarious) Chief: State 36 - A&M 28 (MSU wins outright; over) Dr Will: Texas A&M 42, Miss State 24 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over)

Georgia @ Alabama (-6) (O/U 57)

SP+ Pick: Georgia +4.6; under (52)

idk who cares. I’m not going to watch it.

Seriously, I haven’t watched Alabama play a full game against someone other than Auburn since they lost to Ole Miss in 2015. I find their brand of football boring more often than not. I think Georgia has everything needed to beat this Alabama team, but they’re still Georgia, so Alabama 28, Georgia 21 (Alabama wins and covers; under)

Staff Picks: Ryan: Alabama 31-30 (Alabama wins, Georgia covers; over) Jack: Georgia 28-27 (Georgia wins outright; under) Josh W: Georgia 22, Alabama 30 (Alabama wins and covers; under) AUNerd: UGA 34, Bama 31 (Georgia wins outright; over) Drew Mac: 24-20 uat (Alabama wins, Georgia covers; under) Josh B: Alabama 35, Georgia 27 (Alabama wins and covers; over) Crow: Georgia 44 39 (Georgia wins outright; over) Chief: Georgia 30-Alabama 28 (Georgia wins outright; over) Dr Will: Georgia 31, Alabama 28 (Georgia wins outright; over)

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/10/16/21519361/sec-picks-week-4

[jodyedgarus]

How Alabama, Ohio State Or Someone Else Can Crash The Playoff

After 14 weeks of anticipation, we’ve made it: College football’s championship weekend is finally upon us. Come Sunday at noon, the playoff selection committee will reveal its picks for the Final Four — who still has national championship life, and who’s left out in the cold. But we don’t really have to wait until then for clues about which teams will be booking flights for Pasadena and New Orleans on New Year’s Day. Based on what happens in this week’s games and a little tinkering with our college football predictions, we can make an educated guess about what the committee’s choices will be — though it has been known to throw us a curveball every now and then. Here’s what our model says to watch for over the weekend:

  SEC Championship: Auburn vs. Georgia

Saturday, 4 p.m. ET on CBS

How the outcome changes teams’ playoff odds

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFF TEAM CURRENT IF AUBURN WINS IF GEORGIA WINS AVG. CHG (+/-) Georgia 44.0% 0.1% 96.2% 47.7 pts Auburn 58.6 >99.9 9.4 44.9 USC 10.6 11.9 9.0 1.5 Stanford 3.3 3.8 2.7 0.6 TCU 7.1 7.6 6.6 0.5 Alabama 30.4 30.0 31.0 0.5 Ohio State 32.8 33.3 32.3 0.5 Miami 26.0 26.2 25.7 0.3 Clemson 76.5 76.3 76.7 0.2 Wisconsin 45.1 45.2 45.0 0.1 Oklahoma 65.5 65.5 65.4 0.1 UCF 0.1 0.1 0.1 0.0

Using FiveThirtyEight model simulations as of Nov. 29. Average change is weighted by the probability of each outcome.

The winner of this game is practically guaranteed to make the playoff. For Auburn — which the FiveThirtyEight model has favored here with a 54 percent chance of victory — that would mean capping off one of the most remarkable stretch runs in college football history. After losing to LSU on Oct. 14, Auburn had a 5-2 record and was staring at a mere 4 percent playoff probability. But a string of wins that includes beating two No. 1-ranked teams (at game time) has the Tigers set up for a potential CFP clincher. And on the UGA side of things, the Dawgs can get sweet revenge for their 40-17 loss on the Plains in November, stamping a playoff ticket for the first time in program history.

Neither team has much margin for error if it loses, however. We give Georgia a 1-in-905 chance of being picked for the playoff without an SEC title, and while Auburn’s chances are slightly better with a loss (9 percent), the Tigers would need a convoluted sequence of events that includes TCU upsetting Oklahoma just to have any glimmer of hope from the committee. And as far as outside rooting interests go, the outcome here has surprisingly little effect on the rest of the CFP picture. (Even Alabama, sitting at home twiddling its thumbs, doesn’t see its chances budge much either way.) At most, USC needs an Auburn win as part of a very specific scheme that can push its chances with the committee up to a coin flip (more on that later).

  Big Ten Championship: Wisconsin vs. Ohio State

Saturday, 8 p.m. ET on FOX

How the outcome changes teams’ playoff odds

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFF TEAM CURRENT IF OHIO ST. WINS IF WISCONSIN WINS AVG. CHG (+/-) Wisconsin 45.1% 2.3% >99.9% 48.1 pts Ohio State 32.8 58.4 <0.1 28.7 Alabama 30.4 38.5 20.1 9.1 USC 10.6 13.9 6.4 3.7 Clemson 76.5 77.8 74.8 1.5 Oklahoma 65.5 66.7 63.9 1.4 Georgia 44.0 45.0 42.8 1.1 Stanford 3.3 4.1 2.3 0.9 Auburn 58.6 59.4 57.6 0.9 TCU 7.1 7.6 6.5 0.5 Miami 26.0 26.2 25.6 0.3 UCF 0.1 0.1 <0.1 <0.1

Using FiveThirtyEight model simulations as of Nov. 29. Average change is weighted by the probability of each outcome.

Just as the SEC title game is basically do-or-die for the two teams involved, this contest is a simple binary for Wisconsin: Win, and clinch a semifinal berth; lose, and see those chances fall to basically nothing. Fair or not, a one-loss Wisconsin team would not compare favorably with the other playoff contenders, given its weak strength of schedule. For the Buckeyes, however, things aren’t quite that simple. Yes, they can boost their chances with a victory — which our model gives a 56 percent chance of happening — but OSU is far from a lock even if it wins. The Buckeyes will also need TCU to do them a big favor by upsetting Oklahoma — further boosting OSU’s chances to 75 percent — and hope for the committee to look favorably upon their impressive victories (and ignore their 55-24 loss to Iowa).

Beyond the Big Ten, Alabama has the big rooting interest here. Since they don’t control their own destiny, the one-loss Crimson Tide need favorable contrasts in the eyes of the committee — and that means setting up a comparison against two-loss Ohio State, not undefeated Wisconsin. Bama’s playoff chances would be about 18 percentage points higher with a win by the Buckeyes than a win by the Badgers. And USC also requires an Ohio State victory here, as another component of its long-shot playoff bid.

  Big 12 Championship: Oklahoma vs. TCU

Saturday, 12:30 p.m. ET on FOX

How the outcome changes teams’ playoff odds

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFF TEAM CURRENT IF OKLAHOMA WINS IF TCU WINS AVG. CHG (+/-) Oklahoma 65.5% 99.9% 7.7% 43.2 pts Alabama 30.4 19.8 48.2 13.3 TCU 7.1 <0.1 19.1 8.9 Ohio State 32.8 27.3 42.1 6.9 USC 10.6 6.2 18.0 5.5 Stanford 3.3 1.5 6.3 2.3 Auburn 58.6 56.8 61.6 2.2 Clemson 76.5 75.0 79.0 1.9 Miami 26.0 25.2 27.3 1.0 Wisconsin 45.1 44.6 45.9 0.6 Georgia 44.0 43.6 44.7 0.5 UCF 0.1 <0.1 0.1 <0.1

Using FiveThirtyEight model simulations as of Nov. 29. Average change is weighted by the probability of each outcome.

Much like Wisconsin and both SEC title contestants, Oklahoma can basically assure itself of a playoff berth with a victory over TCU here. With a one-loss résumé accentuated by the most dominating offense in the nation (plus another win over a top-15 team if they do beat the Frogs), the Sooners can also help vindicate the Big 12’s decision to revive its conference championship game this year. But that decision could very well backfire on the conference, too, and leave it without a playoff team yet again if TCU pulls off the upset. We give the Sooners a 63 percent chance of winning and making all of this moot; there’s even an unlikely backdoor route for OU if it loses that involves Ohio State winning the Big Ten. But the most straightforward path for Oklahoma (and the Big 12) is a Sooner victory.

For TCU’s part, its playoff hopes are remote (if not nonexistent) and wouldn’t crack 20 percent even if it does upset the Sooners. According to the swing in our model’s playoff chances, Alabama actually has the second-greatest stake in the Big 12 Championship of any team in the country, including the Frogs. Bama would see its CFP chances swell from 30 percent to 48 percent if TCU beats Oklahoma, since the one-loss Tide are directly competing with the Sooners for a playoff spot. (In fact, Alabama fans should be watching this matchup far more intently than they will the SEC title game.) Likewise, Ohio State has a big stake in TCU winning, as does USC and several other contenders. In terms of outside rooting interests, this Big 12 title game is easily the most important game of the weekend.

  ACC Championship: Clemson vs. Miami

Saturday, 8 p.m. ET on ABC

How the outcome changes teams’ playoff odds

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFF TEAM CURRENT IF CLEMSON WINS IF MIAMI WINS AVG. CHG (+/-) Miami 26.0% <0.1% 89.2% 36.8 pts Clemson 76.5 >99.9 19.2 33.3 USC 10.6 11.2 9.1 0.9 Ohio State 32.8 33.4 31.4 0.8 Auburn 58.6 59.1 57.2 0.8 Stanford 3.3 3.7 2.3 0.6 Wisconsin 45.1 44.7 45.9 0.5 Alabama 30.4 30.7 29.8 0.4 TCU 7.1 7.4 6.6 0.3 Oklahoma 65.5 65.6 65.2 0.1 UCF 0.1 0.1 0.1 <0.1 Georgia 44.0 44.0 44.0 <0.1

Using FiveThirtyEight model simulations as of Nov. 29. Average change is weighted by the probability of each outcome.

The ACC Championship is also very close to an NCAA quarterfinal. Certainly the committee is guaranteed to take Clemson (which placed No. 1 in this week’s College Football Playoff rankings) if the Tigers beat Miami for the conference crown — which our model assigns a 71 percent probability of happening. If the Canes win, our model thinks there’s roughly an 11 percent chance that they’d somehow be on the outs — think a universe in which Oklahoma, Wisconsin and Georgia all win and the committee prefers Alabama’s résumé to Miami’s — but that’s unlikely. (Miami is only one slot behind Alabama in strength of record before a hypothetical win over Clemson.)

Then again, our model also says the Tigers would have about a 19 percent chance of making the playoff even if they don’t beat Miami, a scenario that most likely involves TCU and Ohio State victories muddying the water for the committee. And several other teams across the country would benefit from Clemson winning, most notably USC (in Step 5 of the Trojans’ improbable CFP charge).

  Pac-12 Championship: Southern California vs. Stanford

Friday, 8 p.m. ET on ESPN

How the outcome changes teams’ playoff odds

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFF TEAM CURRENT IF STANFORD WINS IF USC WINS AVG. CHG (+/-) USC 10.6% <0.1% 23.6% 11.7 pts Stanford 3.3 6.0 <0.1 3.0 Ohio State 32.8 35.5 29.5 3.0 Alabama 30.4 32.8 27.5 2.6 TCU 7.1 8.9 4.9 2.0 Clemson 76.5 76.9 76.0 0.4 Auburn 58.6 58.9 58.2 0.4 Oklahoma 65.5 65.8 65.1 0.3 Miami 26.0 26.1 25.9 0.1 Wisconsin 45.1 45.0 45.1 0.1 UCF 0.1 0.1 <0.1 <0.1 Georgia 44.0 44.0 44.0 <0.1

Using FiveThirtyEight model simulations as of Nov. 29. Average change is weighted by the probability of each outcome.

With Stanford’s College Football Playoff chances slim at best — they’ll be only 6 percent even if the Cardinal wins the Pac-12 — the only real playoff implication for this game involves a guerilla playoff push by a USC team that hasn’t ranked in the AP top 10 since September. The Trojans seemed dead in the water after being crushed by Notre Dame six weeks ago, but they’ve strung together just enough victories to stay on the periphery of the playoff conversation. Now, their best-case playoff scenario depends on the following outcomes, with games listed in order of importance:

USC beats Stanford (45 percent probability)

TCU beats Oklahoma (37 percent)

Ohio State beats Wisconsin (56 percent)

Auburn beats Georgia (54 percent)

Clemson beats Miami (71 percent)

Memphis beats UCF (36 percent)

If all of that happens, the Trojans’ playoff chances would rise to 51 percent; the playoff field would most likely be Auburn, Clemson, Ohio State and whichever team the committee prefers between USC, Alabama and TCU. It’s not an especially likely set of circumstances — but then again, nothing about this Trojan resurgence has been likely.

The only other game with potential playoff implications is the AAC Championship Game between Central Florida, which is making a bid for a perfect season, and Memphis. Sadly, because of UCF’s schedule strength, its chances of making the playoff are remote. But the combination of outcomes that gives the Knights the highest playoff probability (granted, still a measly 0.19 percent) involves wins by UCF, Clemson, Ohio State, TCU and Stanford. So, to all the fans of stale memes down in Orlando: Yes, I’m telling you there’s a chance.

But most likely, the playoff will contain the SEC winner, the ACC winner, plus Wisconsin and Oklahoma — if they win — or Ohio State and/or Alabama (or maybe TCU or USC if the committee’s feeling really crazy) should the Badgers and/or Sooners fall. It’s an oddly tidy set of contingencies for a championship weekend that some are calling the best ever. But at the same time, I have a feeling this season isn’t quite out of surprises yet.

from News About Sports https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-alabama-ohio-state-or-someone-else-can-crash-the-playoff/