#so to say someone is his 'childhood friend' instead of just normal friend implies 2 me that the friendship is in the past | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mieohmy · 4 years ago

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𝖴𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖮𝗎𝗋 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗌 | 𝖪𝗂𝗆 𝖲𝗎𝗇𝗐𝗈𝗈

PAIRING: kim sunwoo x fem reader

GENRE: fluff, humor, angst, somewhat implied relationship?, hotel del luna! au, head manager! sunwoo, hotel owner! reader

WC: 3.9k

NOTES: like one mention of blood, ghosts, heavily hotel del luna inspired

happy bday to one of my ults 🎉 lovely sunwoo 🎉ugh i can’t get enough of him 🤧so here’s a pt. 2 to this hotel del luna fic you can read here !

you don’t have to read the first part to understand but it’s recommended!- i mean it’s hdl sunwoo,,,, just saying. (also i’m not really sure where it lies in aspect to the original so just take it how you please ^^ )

✬

The girl groans. What happened?

She tries to recall what just occurred, but her head pounds in irritating waves of pain.

I was walking down the stairs outside..... and then I must’ve tripped and fallen?

She shrugs, getting up and cracking her suddenly sore and painful neck.

While rolling her head around to loosen it up, her eyes land on a sign. A bright, neon flashing sign that would effectively grab anyone's attention.

Huh, looks like a hotel.

There’s no explainable reason, but the girl starts walking towards the entrance.

Carefully opening the door, she peeks inside. Just from the beginning, the girl can tell it’s a magnificent and luxurious place.

Now she suddenly gets the feeling that she’s not supposed to be here. But there’s no one around, so the girl continues on, still rubbing her stiff neck.

It’s beautiful- the biggest hotel she’s ever seen. Other people pass by, and she’s extremely horrified and confused by their appearances.

What’s with all the fake blood and dirt? It all seems so real-

...It’s not Halloween today, right?

The girl explores the place, finding more and more sights to see. She turns the corner, eyes wandering around until she accidentally bumps into someone, falling down.

“Oof! I’m sorry-!”

You stare down at her, a bone-chilling glare on your face. “Who are you?”

Sunwoo follows behind you. “Hey, what's the matter?” His words and feet come to a halt when he sees you staring down at the girl.

There's a pause in which you all just stare at each other.

Until his eyes widen. “Yuna?”

Everything clicks. “Kim Sunwoo?” she gasps.

Your head whips to him. “You know her?”

Sunwoo seems so startled, his eyes never leaving her. “What are you doing here?”

The girl- or you should say, Yuna- stands up, nervously looking around. “I-I don’t know. I think I fell down the stairs and when I woke up, this place caught my attention, so I came inside. But since when did you work at hotels?”

Sunwoo fiddles with his tie, lip between his teeth. You keep your gaze on him, suddenly wanting to know more.

Sunwoo knows this girl?

Why is he acting like this?

What was their relationship with each other?

“Yeah,” he nervously chuckles. “I do-”

You cut him off with an obnoxious laugh. They both stare at you, surprised. “You two know each other?”

Sunwoo grimaces, “maybe we should go somewhere more appropriate for this.”

Once seated at your office desk, sunwoo explains everything.

“We’re childhood friends, all the way until when I went to the United States for college.”

“We haven’t seen each other in forever,” she adds.

There’s an unpleasant feeling growing inside you. You don’t know what it is- you haven’t felt it in a long time.

But what you do know is that you want her out of here. Nowhere near sunwoo.

You want sunwoo away from her stupid smile and stupid laugh, utterly despising the way the two of them get along so well and engage in a conversation so naturally.

Your eye twitches when her hand comes in contact with sunwoo’s shoulder after laughing at one of his jokes.

Sunwoo notices your brooding aura, turning to you with a knowing glance. “Is there something wrong?

“No, nothing at all, Manager Kim.” You enunciate each syllable slowly.

He frowns at the way you formerly call his name, “really? It seems like you’re kinda bothered by something.”

You wish you could kill sunwoo right now in front of her. Truly, a sight to see. “No,” you grit, even though there’s obviously something wrong.

Yuna looks at sunwoo. “Is it me? Did I do something?”

Curse sunwoo and his stupid looks, always attracting other girls and-

“I'm not sure.. It’s not because of Yuna, right?”

His eyes bore into yours, the corners of his mouth tilted up, and you lose your patience, effectively crushing the piece of paper in your hands to bits.

“Well, she’s not even supposed to be here-”

You stop abruptly, horrified.

Oh no.

Sunwoo turns to you. “What did you just say? She’s not supposed to be here at the hotel??”

You feel a rush of heat. “What-ha, no. I didn’t-“

But sunwoo knows you better than you believed. His eyes narrow. “Miss y/l/n, I thought you were trying to be a better person.”

You scowl, wanting to object but he cuts you off.

“If she isn’t meant to be here now, then that means she needs to leave,” he looks you directly in the eye. “Because this is the fates’ plan, isn’t it?”

Your mouth drops open, but you close it, pursing your lips.

“Fine.”

“Fine,” you say more forcefully, desperately craving your precious caviar and wanting to be anywhere but here. “This was a mistake. Her heart’s still beating. Tell her to leave quickly or else it won't be anymore.”

Yuna glances between the two of you, utterly bewildered. Sunwoo quickly turns to her. “It was nice to see you again Yuna, but I think you should leave right now.”

Her eyes widen. “Is there something wrong?”

You want to answer, “yes, you.” But instead, you just sigh.

“No. You just overstayed your leave. So get out.”

Sunwoo shoots you a look but it’s too late, you’re already (quite harshly) guiding Yuna out of the place.

Once you reach the exit -the doors to the human world for Yuna to find her consciousness and body, as well as go back to living her normal life again, Sunwoo speaks up.

“It was really nice to talk to you after a long time, Yuna. No offense, but I really hope I don’t have to see you again here.”

You just barely hold back a scoff. Yuna cocks her head but doesn’t comment on it.

Once she steps over the threshold, she suddenly turns back to Sunwoo, her eyes lit up, “wait sunwoo, we should meet up some-“

You slam the door in her face.

You try not to show it, but you’re fuming inside. And Sunwoo can definitely tell.

What’s so good about her?

It was really nice to talk to you again?

Tch. Who says that?

That girl’s not even that pretty.

You shouldn’t have said anything about it not being her time here and just let the girl leave to the afterwor-

“Miss y/l/n-!”

You blink. “What?”

You want to slap that smug grin off Sunwoo’s face. “I’ve been calling your name for the past five minutes, but you seem to be really distracted and upset even.”

You turn around, chin high. “No. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, I wanted to thank you.”

You look at him warily. “For what?”

“For doing the right thing.”

You scoff, continuing past him with your dress swishing behind you and heels clicking harshly against the ground.

Sunwoo watches you go with a smirk. He wishes to keep this version of you in his pocket forever.

✬

It doesn’t get any better the next day.

When Sunwoo comes in, you simply glance over him like he’s a ghost.

He’s annoyed of course, but at the same time amused and even endeared. Sunwoo likes seeing you jealous, even if you’d never admit it.

“Miss y/l/n, one of the guests requested a specific meeting with you. He wants-“

“No,” you say coldly, fiddling with your vast collection of earrings.

“But he-“

“Does he have money or any sort of offering?” You don’t look up even once from your array of sparkling beauties, and it frustrates Sunwoo greatly.

“Miss y/l/n.”

You finally stop moving at the stern tone of his voice.

“You’ve been alive for how many years? I expected you to be a little more professional and put your personal feelings aside at work.”

You splutter. “Personal feelings?!?”

You raise your pen at him threateningly, a fiery glint in your eyes. If it was anyone else, it wouldn’t seem scary. But it was you after all.

“You know I don’t actually like her like that.”

That catches you off guard, making you falter with the pen still in your hand.

“Someone else caught my interest.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Huh? Sunwoo likes someone? He has the time outside of his job to date?

You suddenly blurt out, “Who?”

He smiles softly. “Someone who’s really greedy and needs a lot of attention. But it’s okay. I’m willing to give it to her.”

Your chest tightens.

Stubbornly, you tilt your head to the side, avoiding his strong gaze for the nth time while the room suddenly feels a bit hot to you.

“Manager Kim, you’re still here?” The head maid’s voice catches your attention. She has a frown etched on her face, obviously unpleased.

Sunwoo shifts. “Oh, I totally forgot about the time. It’s fine. I can stay longer if needed.”

She hits him softly. “Don’t be ridiculous, you should get some sleep for tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired and not have the energy to celebrate on your birthday, do you?”

You tense, looking at sunwoo curiously. “Birthday?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, my birthday is tomorrow. It’s not a big deal, I don’t really celebrate it,” he turns to the head maid again. “But since you insisted, I will go home and get some rest.”

He bids his goodbyes, softly giving you one last, ‘goodnight’, before turning to leave.

Suddenly, a wave of guilt washes over from your childish actions, and you fall silent.

You didn’t know it was his birthday tomorrow.

You watch Sunwoo leave with an unreadable expression as the head maid looks at you knowingly.

✬

Sunwoo gets home exhausted, more than he realized.

To be honest, he completely forgot it was his birthday tomorrow. Since it was only his grandparents caring for him at a young age and his grandfather was at work most of the time, sunwoo didn’t really celebrate his birthday often.

It wasn’t a big deal, he didn’t care. His birthday was just like any other day.

When the head maid asked if the staff should prepare anything for him tomorrow, he politely declined. It felt wrong to celebrate when you were still ‘mad’ at him -not that he should've cared...

Sunwoo shakes his head, clearing it from all thoughts of work and you. Yawning, he climbs into bed and falls into a deep slumber in record time.

. . .

riiiiiiinnnng~

Sunwoo groans.

riiiiiiinnnng~

He rolls over, eyes barely peeking open. Who is calling at this ungodly hour?

He clumsily reaches his phone, checking the time.

2:57 am.

You’re joking, right?

“Hello?” He cringes at the sound of his deep and raspy slumber voice.

“Sunwoo.”

He’s immediately awake now at the sound of your voice.

It’s quite faint and soft.

What’s worse and even more worrying is that it's deadly calm.

“Y/n? What is it?”

“....can you come here? Now?”

He glances at the phone screen, confused until he sees a notification from you - ‘a location was shared with you’

Sunwoo’s too tired to think at this moment. He simply hangs up with an 'ok' and gets up to change.

He doesn’t really pay attention to the address, grabbing some random clothes- it’s 3am and sunwoo doesn’t feel like putting on his whole professional suit- before heading out.

It’s a strangely warm spring night, the bright stars twinkling in the sky catch his attention as he makes his way down the sidewalk.

He has no clue where he's going, but he follows the directions to you nonetheless.

✬

Sunwoo doesn’t know what to say.

Is he surprised?

Honestly, not really.

Is he confused?

Yes. Very.

Why would you invite him out to a restaurant in the early hours of the morning?

It’s obviously closed- the windows dark- but knowing you, you probably unlocked the doors and got the food you wanted anyways.

Sunwoo doesn’t know when the food ‘escapades’ started, but all he did know was that you were obsessed with watching that one eating show and liked to force sunwoo along with you to visit famous featured restaurants.

When no one else was there, of course.

So this isn’t that much of a surprise. That’s why sunwoo simply reaches for the handle- unlocked as expected- and heads inside.

Well, he was wrong. He was expecting the food.

But he wasn’t expecting it to be all of his favorites. With a cake topped off with illuminating candles in the dark place.

And you in the middle of it all, obviously bored and waiting for him. (Sunwoo wouldn’t dare say this out loud, but he thought you looked ethereal sitting at the table, starlight shining down and glowing around you. In short- he ironically thought you looked like an angel.)

“What is this?”

You sit up, groaning. “Finally. I was about to start eating without you.”

He looks at everything that you must’ve set up.

“Did.... did you do all of this?”

You shift uncomfortably from his intense gaze.

“Yes. Why?” Your voice turns into your normal bossy and annoyed tone. “You think I wouldn’t be capable enough to do this?”

He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t say that. I’m just shocked. After all, it's so early in the morning.”

You inhale, recalling the events that led up to this. After sunwoo left for the night, you had a horrible feeling in your gut for some reason. No -there’s no way you could be feeling guilty? You chided yourself, saying you were just being stupid, and went to bed.

But his nonchalant face kept popping up in your mind, leading you further and further from sleep, and you had no choice but to furiously get out of your extremely comfortable, plush bed and stomp out to find a suitable restaurant.

And here you were now. The two of you alone in a closed restaurant with a cornucopia of food at 3 in the morning.

“Did you plan this with the head maid? Is that why you made me go home early and get some rest?”

“No,” you scoff. He stares at you for a solid minute before you glare indignantly at him back. “It wasn’t planned!”

You look down at your perfectly manicured nails, suddenly avoiding eye contact. “I felt bad that I didn’t know it was your birthday and made you work overtime....” you gruffly respond.

Sunwoo looks around the restaurant.

It’s not the best, he notes. The banner is crooked, and the confetti everywhere is quite honestly getting on his nerves already, but he still feels warm. His heart grows for you and only you once again.

“Thank you, y/n.” His use of your actual name makes your insides flutter - it’s the way you know he’s truly being sincere.

“I really appreciate everything you did for me.”

His voice sounds so touched and grateful -you hate it. Because it makes your heart (if you even still had one at this point) feel weird too.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you grumble.

He stifles a laugh.

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are we gonna eat all the food I prepared for you?”

He blinks. “Right.”

Sitting next to you at one of the tables, sunwoo examines the pretty cake you got.

“How are the candles not going out?”

You roll your eyes, getting your phone out to record a video. “They’re fake, I created them. Hurry and blow it out,” you command.

You quickly add, “I’m not singing the dumb song either.”

You press the record button, corners of your mouth curving upward when Sunwoo closes his eyes tightly to make a wish before blowing. The candles effectively go out with a whoosh, leaving you two in the dark.

You end the video, saving it to keep.

Sunwoo pouts, “we’re not gonna take any photos together?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

If anything, his pout increases. “It’s my birthday.....”

You let out a long sigh before taking your phone out again and opening the camera. Scooting your chair over to his, you lift the camera to capture the two of you.

Posing, you’re about click the button when Sunwoo suddenly jerks your chair much closer to his, causing you to start and look at him in surprise.

He grins. “What are you waiting for? Are you gonna take the photo?”

You grumble, nervously swallowing once you realize how close the two of you are through the camera screen.

You get several photos, most of them bad, but you keep them for memories anyways. Sunwoo wants to laugh at how pretty and innocent you seem in the photos compared to real life.

You’re about to put your phone away, but Sunwoo begs for one more.

Rolling your eyes, you put up with him -just for today.

Raising the camera, you smile cutely one last time, about to click the shutter button, when you feel a pair of arms wrap around you, pulling you back until your back meets a warm chest.

You freeze, face turning to shock as you hear the button sound. After the photo’s taken, Sunwoo casually drops the hug, completely unaffected as he goes back to the food.

You stay still, the ghost of his warmth around you still lingering.

“Miss y/l/n, are you gonna eat?”

“H-huh?” You quickly spin around to see sunwoo digging into the food already. You fight back a smile at the sight.

While you two eat, sunwoo stares at you.

“What?” You wipe your face in case there’s food or something on it.

He chews. “Nothing. I’m still surprised you did something for my birthday after I said not to.”

You sit up straighter, your voice suddenly serious.

“Your life should be celebrated. Everyone’s life should be celebrated. It’s a precious gift to still be living and breathing on this earth. So enjoy it while you can,” you state.

Sunwoo swallows, looking down with a small smile. “Yeah, you’re right.”

A peaceful silence occurs for a couple minutes.

“Hey,” sunwoo speaks up, “I think this is the first birthday I’ve had while working for you.”

You slowly nod.

And it could be the last.

You don’t say it out loud, but the thought burns deep within. Not wanting to think such somber things on sunwoo's birthday, you clear your throat, taking your phone out to look at the photos.

The last one makes your breath hitch.

Sunwoo’s arms are wrapped tightly around you, his face happy and content and eyes shining prettily. Your eyes are wide, lips parted in a small ‘o’.

Quickly, you turn off your phone, watching sunwoo finish his food.

“Are you done?”

He nods, a content sight leaving his lips.

“Finally, I thought I was gonna fall asleep,” you snort. You pull a medium-sized bag out of nowhere, it’s quite plain and simple.

“Huh? What is that?”

You try to seem neutral. “It’s just something I saw that looked pretty.”

Sunwoo's eyebrows raise.

“But it didn’t match the fancy aesthetic of my room, so you can have it,” you add hastily.

He coughs.

Roughly, you shove hand him the bag.

Sunwoo gently takes out the wrapping paper, examining the ‘present’ you got him.

It’s some weird contraption. That’s the first thing he thinks of. As he examines it more closely, he realizes there are stars and constellations decorating it.

“....what is this?”

You try to act nonchalant. “It’s just a decoration you can hang from your ceiling. And I got it charmed to protect you from angry spirits and whatever. I don’t know.”

Sunwoo’s eyes widen.

You got this as a present for him?

When he doesn’t respond, you sigh and reach out to take it back.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll just give it to someone else, sheesh.”

“No!” Sunwoo practically shouts, protectively shielding it from your grasp.

You gape at him.

He blushes. “I-I like it a lot.”

You clear your throat, trying to shrug it off, but sunwoo leans in.

You freeze.

Is he gonna-?

Instinctively, your eyes squeeze shut. You wait. And then a warm feeling lands on your cheek for a couple of seconds before leaving.

After some time, you deem it safe to open your eyes. And come in contact with sunwoo staring back at you, an indescribable emotion deep in his eyes.

You can’t find it in yourself to look away for some reason.

Then a sudden noise outside- probably a stupid owl- startles the two of you.

You start laughing nervously. “Ha, I think we should clean up now, haha.”

He chuckles. “But I want to do that again.” You almost drop your phone, spluttering. “Kim Sunwoo!”

He rolls his eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you, it’s Manager Kim.”

“W-whatever... just help me clean up!”

After you finish cleaning, sunwoo requests for you to tell him a story.

So you close your eyes and think back to when his grandfather worked for you. And start talking of one of the crazy episodes that constantly occurred back then. Somewhere in the middle of it, you come back to your senses and find sunwoo asleep, cheek against the table.

You stare at him with a fond look.

“Come on,” you whisper, picking him up easily. “Let’s go home.”

You eventually get him into his bed, quietly as to not disturb his sleeping roommate.

Sunwoo must’ve woken up because he calls your name. You look down at him, sleepily blinking back at you. “Will you hang up my present for me?”

You scoff, but already are you reaching for the gift.

“Where do you want it?” You ask, but sunwoo’s already passed out again.

Rolling your eyes, you hang it right above him from the ceiling, near his bed.

For a minute, all you can do is admire sunwoo, the stars shining above and creating a beautiful glow around him. He looks so peaceful when sleeping, like the little kid he once was. And honestly still kind of is.

You sit down next to him on the bed, gently brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

I know we don’t speak our feelings to each other often, but seeing you happy is enough for me.

You smile softly at his sleepy pout. “Happy birthday, sunwoo,” you whisper. But before you can leave, a hand swiftly wraps around your wrist. You look down.

“Stay the night. It’s too late for you to be out. Stay next to me,” he mumbles.

You know that he knows you’re well able to take care of yourself at any time, but still, you can’t find it in yourself to say no.

You slowly make your way over, tucking yourself under the covers, and sunwoo automatically wraps his arms around you.

It’s warm. He’s warm.

You probably shouldn’t be doing this.

But it’s his birthday.

What if his roommate comes in and sees?

Although all those thoughts run through your mind, you find yourself drifting off under the stars, not caring. Underneath the luminescent gift you gave him that hangs from the ceiling, twinkling brightly over the two of you.

Just for tonight.

✬

Bonus ㅠㅠ:

“Aren’t the stars so pretty tonight?” you remark.

Sunwoo stares at you, never looking away. “Yeah.”

“A shame that the moon is hiding this peaceful night.”

“And what about the sun?” he jokes.

Your eyes flick towards him.

The sun is right here next to me, you internally answer.

My sun that always shines so brightly over me is you, Kim Sunwoo.

✬

a/n: guys im not lying i almost cried writing this and thinking about Hotel del Luna,, i miss it sm ;-;

reminder- any kind of feedback is always appreciated :)

#kpopscape #the boyz #kim sunwoo #sunwoo #kim sunwoo x reader #sunwoo x reader #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo imagines #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz fluff #the boyz scenarios #sunwoo fluff #kim sunwoo scenarios #kim sunwoo imagines

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sirikenobi12 · 4 years ago

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Dear Mr. Filoni: About Qui-Gon Jinn

Mr. Filoni, I know you are pretty much the undisputed Padawan of George Lucas, but like many students they can sometimes misunderstand their teachings or interpret things from a certain point of view. While I won’t deny you are a brilliant creator who have brought us some amazing Star Wars content you said something a little while back about Qui-Gon Jinn that I think is rather nearsighted and in my opinion incorrect.

“And with the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin loses the father figure who truly could have understood him – and maybe prevented what was to come.”

This implies several things, the first is that Anakin never had a father figure in his life. Or, rather that he lost the father figure he truly needed. In many ways this is implying that if someone grows up without a father (or a traditional father figure) then they are missing out or won’t have a stable childhood. What about all the people who are raised by single mothers or grandparents or aunts/uncles or by their older siblings?

Pixar’s Onward is a great example of finding a father figure through an older brother, it highlights that just because Ian never had a chance to meet his father didn’t mean that he lost out on a father figure in his brother Barley.

“I never had a dad, but I always had you.”

Saying that Anakin lost the father figure who truly could have understood him also just spits in the face of a young man who also lost his father figure in that moment and gave up everything to raise Anakin.

Let’s unpack that a little bit. Imagine if you will you’re twenty-five years old, you’ve worked your ENTIRE life for a particular goal which is to be a Jedi Knight, traveling the galaxy doing the most good that you can while discovering who you are on your own. Then maybe down the road when you are ready to settle down and possibly train/raise an apprentice you’ll take one on. Suddenly the only father you’ve ever known pushes you aside for a child he’s just met (without even discussing it with you first) and then uses his last words to push this child on you, making him your responsibility, thus shattering your chance at the freedom of a true Knighthood.

By all rights Obi-Wan could’ve given Anakin’s training over to the Council, the boy was in no way his responsibility. Much like an adult sibling doesn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising their minor siblings if their parents die, they could give the children over to the state and have a chance at a normal young adulthood instead of being thrust into being a parent before they are ready. But, Obi-Wan didn’t do that because he A.) Respected/loved Qui-Gon too much not to fulfill his final wishes, and B.) Knew it would be better for Anakin to take the boy under his wing.

I will say this until I am blue in the face: OBI-WAN WAS A FATHER TO ANAKIN!!

In fact, in Episode 2 Anakin refers to him as a father/father figure multiple times and it is clear their relationship while Anakin was a Padawan was that of a Father/Son. It isn’t until Anakin is knighted and they are peers that you see their relationship shift to that of brothers.

Am I saying that Obi-Wan didn’t make mistakes when raising Anakin? Absolutely not, but would I argue that Anakin was missing out on a father figure because Qui-Gon died? No, I would not.

The second part of that quote claims that Qui-Gon Jinn could’ve been someone who understood Anakin and might’ve been able to prevent what was to come. I 100% believe that would not have happened, while I think Qui-Gon Jinn is a very interesting character there is no indication in either canon or legends that he would’ve been a good influence on Anakin. In fact, quite the opposite. Here are the top ten reasons Qui-Gon would’ve been a terrible father influence for Anakin:

1. Qui-Gon Jinn thinks the rules don’t apply to him: While many fans applaud Qui-Gon (including apparently you, Mr. Filoni) for going against the Jedi Council and being a “Maverick” I would argue that more often than not it was to his or his mission’s detriment. This is not to advocate that the Council was 100% correct or that Jedi shouldn’t question things, but there is a difference between questioning authority figures and flat out being obstinate. This is something Anakin excels at even with being raised by the rule abiding Kenobi, imagine how bad it would’ve been had Jinn raised him.

2. Qui-Gon Jinn was selfish: There are several examples of Qui-Gon using the guise of “the will of the Force” in order to get his way. Are we honestly supposed to believe that somehow this one man was more in tune with the Force than any other Jedi (including 12 powerful Jedi who were on the Council)?? And, if he truly believed in following the will of the Force then why did he constantly bend the rules to make sure the “Force” went his way - an example of this is had he actually believed it was the will of the Force that he free Anakin, he wouldn’t have had to make the chance cube go the way he wanted it to go. He flat out cheated so he could get his way.

3. Qui-Gon was dangerously reckless: Many Jedi are reckless, even Obi-Wan said to Yoda in ESB “so was I if you’ll remember”. But Qui-Gon was reckless in ways that was pretty astounding. For example, EVERYONE told him that his plan to get off of Tatooine was dangerous and frankly stupid. Couldn’t they have just sold the Naboo ship and then purchased a clunker that would get them to Coruscant? Honestly, that would’ve probably hidden them better from the Trade Federation in the long run...but no, he instead decided the best course of action was to put a slave child in mortal danger, thus also placing all of their lives in the hands of a boy who had NEVER won a race before. Now, it ended up working in his favor, but even still those few days spent fixing up Anakin’s pod and then the race itself delayed the Queen from getting to Coruscant which meant more people died on Naboo all because Qui-Gon refused to see any other solutions.

4. Qui-Gon was often a bully: our Maverick had no problems throwing his weight around to get what he wanted. The Council meeting with Anakin is a perfect example, he didn’t get the answer he wanted. So he put his hands on his hips and refused to leave the room until the Council caved to his demands. Another example of this is in Claudia Grey’s Master & Apprentice where he refuses to do his duty as a Jedi and fulfill the mission simply because he had a vision. He doesn’t discuss this with the Council or with Obi-Wan beforehand, he just decides for himself this is how it’s going to be and then throws a hissy-fit when he doesn't get his way. Or how about he is the one who cheated to get his way in winning Anakin and when Watto calls him out he threatens to get the Hutts involved? He just bullies his way to getting what he wanted.

5. Qui-Gon never saw the bigger picture: Master Jinn’s whole thing is to focus on the here and the now, and while that’s great advice (especially for Obi-Wan who often looks too far a head) it also means that Qui-Gon often misses the big picture. An example of this is in the book Master & Apprentice where he wants to free the slaves on Pijal’s moon, but Yoda has to remind him that there is a bigger picture and they can only act if it’s in their mandate. He says this not because the Council doesn’t want to free slaves, but because there are incredibly complex consequences and if they were to just do whatever they wanted/could do as Jedi it would cause all kinds of issues for others and while he could maybe free a handful of slaves now it would cause countless others to suffer in the long run. But, Qui-Gon wouldn’t accept this, because he refused to see the bigger picture - he refused to look at anything except what was right in front of him.

6. Qui-Gon has a history of failing his Apprentices: Now, I know this isn’t Canon at the moment, but by the time we make it to TPM Qui-Gon has already done severe damage to 2 former Padawans, and is in danger of having history repeat itself. Xanatos was his second Apprentice right before Obi-Wan, and this Padawan was extremely powerful and Qui-Gon insisted he be trained, but the boy fell to the darkside because he had been too old to start training and had a healthy attachment to his family (sound familiar?). Qui-Gon was so devastated by his fall that he went back and reputed his first apprentice, Feemor, claiming he was such a failure of a Master that there is no way his first apprentice should’ve been knighted. He basically in his grief pushed aside an apprentice who while on paper wasn’t anything special, but was kind and dutiful and a true Jedi (sound familiar?). He then begrudgingly takes on Obi-Wan (only after 12 year old Obi-Wan offers to kill himself to save others) and then time and time again tries to basically pawn off Obi-Wan onto someone else (even as far into their relationship as the Master & Apprentice book). Then, when it finally looks like the Kenobi/Jinn team have figured out how to work well together Qui-Gon has to literally be reminded that his Obi-Wan even exists because Qui-Gon is so blinded by Anakin’s power!! How in any way does this seem like a better father figure option for the emotionally needy Anakin?

7. Qui-Gon Jinn has a history of Attachments: The specific example I have is again from Legends, but it shows how Qui-Gon allowed attachments to become dangerous. He had a childhood friend who he fell in love with, they decided that they could handle being committed to each other as well as the Order so they “pledged themselves” to one another (my guess is basically this is like a Jedi marriage so to speak). Sounds beautiful right, and it is, but...But his love interest Tahl was injured on a war torn planet where the children are so sick of their parents' civil war that they form a third army and go to war against the adults. Tahl is caught in the middle of this and is gravely injured. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are sent to rescue her, and Obi-Wan is sickened by the sight of children fighting and wants to stay and help, but Qui-Gon is so blinded by his attachment for Tahl that he for the first time EVER actually follows his mandate and tells Obi-Wan that they weren’t sent there to help the children, but to rescue Tahl. Obi-Wan who is only 13 doesn’t understand so instead of taking the time to really explain it, Qui-Gon just LEAVES his young apprentice behind on a war torn planet. Now, I’ll admit that Qui-Gon did give Obi-Wan a choice, to come back to Coruscant or to stay and fight, thus leaving the Jedi Order and Obi-Wan did make the choice to stay. But, it was Qui-Gon’s responsibility as the teacher to fully explain the situation to Obi-Wan and let him know that they could do more good if they were to go back to the Council and the Senate and try to return with supplies and reinforcements. But no, Qui-Gon just yelled at him, disregarded his feelings and told him their mission was to rescue Tahl. He didn’t bother using this as a teaching moment for Obi-Wan because he was so concerned about his attachment. And then later when Tahl actually died, Qui-Gon nearly fell to the dark side and it was Obi-Wan who saved him. And then Qui-Gon went on to decide that because of the pain that had been inflicted by losing Tahl he’d basically give Obi-Wan an ultimatum when it came to the woman he loved (and basically downplayed it as nothing but a crush). Now, say what you want about how Obi-Wan handled Anakin/Padme’s relationship - maybe pretending it wasn’t happening instead of confronting Anakin about it wasn’t a healthy/smart choice, but at least he didn’t downplay it and make it look like Anakin’s feelings weren’t real or valid.

8. Qui-Gon refused to apologize: There are several examples where Qui-Gon refuses to accept any responsibilities and won’t apologize. One such point is in TPM where he basically traded his current Padawan in for a newer/shinier model in front of the entire Council (which if this alone isn’t enough cause to prove the man wasn’t the best father figure…) he then refused to even approach Obi-Wan about it, in fact the twenty five year old Apprentice who had just been tossed aside for a supposed prophecy came and apologized to Qui-Gon!! Another example is back in the Jedi Apprentice books where Qui-Gon leaves Obi-Wan on the war torn planet (as mentioned in #7) it is up to Obi-Wan to make it up to Qui-Gon and prove his worth once again. I’m not certain given Anakin’s tendency to need constant affirmations that this would’ve been a good combination.

9. Qui-Gon was manipulative: Oftentimes we see Qui-Gon manipulating people to get his way (I’m not talking about Jedi Mind Tricks). In TPM he manipulates Watto to win Anakin’s freedom, he even manipulates Obi-Wan into taking on the burden of training Anakin by making it his dying wish. He is not above manipulation if he gets his desired result. We see Anakin does the same thing, so one could argue Qui-Gon would’ve only encouraged this behavior.

10. Qui-Gon cared more about the prophecy than the boy: I’m not saying that Qui-Gon didn’t care about people, or even Anakin, in fact he was a very compassionate character. But, all of his arguments to have Anakin be trained was that he is “the Chosen One” not once does he talk about how the boy needs training simply because it’d be dangerous to leave such raw power alone in the galaxy without training, or that it would be the right thing to do. He doesn’t ever talk about how learning to be a Jedi would actually benefit the boy. Every single time he brings up Anakin needing training is because of the prophecy. Now, as far as it looks in both canon and legends Obi-Wan tried incredibly hard to not bring up the prophecy to Anakin (except on Mustafar), Obi-Wan would bring it up to Mace/Yoda but that was about it. Obi-Wan wasn’t blinded by the prophecy because until ROTS it didn’t really appear that he even believed in it - he believed in Anakin for who he was as a person. Something we just didn’t see with Qui-Gon.

Now, Qui-Gon has a lot of great qualities, I am not denying that, but to say that he would’ve been the father figure Anakin needed is just misguided. If you believe in the idea that there is a will of the Force one could argue that Obi-Wan training Anakin was that will, otherwise Qui-Gon wouldn’t have died.

Also, Mr. Filoni, why is it that Anakin supposedly suffered because he didn’t have a father figure yet you turned around and gave Ahsoka a brother, not a father? Are you suggesting Ahsoka suffered as well because she didn’t have a father figure? Or, was Obi-Wan by this time finally “old” enough to be considered a father figure?

This idea that Qui-Gon Jinn would’ve been the fix it to Anakin’s issues is just silly and once again places the blame of the Jedi’s destruction in the hands of the Council and specifically Obi-Wan, thus not forcing Anakin to be held responsible for any of his actions.

I’m sorry, but it’s not a theory I buy due to a lack of evidence.

#star wars #rant post #obi wan appreciation #qui gon jinn #obi wan kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #jedi council appreciation #dave filoni #the phantom menace #The Clone Wars #stop blaming the jedi #sorry but this has been on my mind a lot #not qui gon bashing i promise #obi wan deserved better

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linkspooky · 4 years ago

Text

Can I Be a Hero?

Shigaraki and Hawks are two children who started with the exact same dream, to become a hero only to take completely opposite paths in life. One raised from childhood to be a hero by the hero association, and the other raised by AFO to become a villain.

These two characters are written in parallel, as intentional hero-villain foils. They’re destined to meet in canon one day and just keep barely missing one another so until then let’s explore more of their relationship under the cut.

1. The Same

First, there are several similarities in both their characters and their origins.

They both come from abusive households. In Hawks’ case it’s only implied but, one he lives in trash and squalor with a beer bottle in the background. The dysfucntion in Hawks’ household life from an early age is obvious, to the point where having his life uprooted by the hero commission is considered a privilege because they promised to pay for everything.

Shigaraki came from what seemed on the surface to be a healthy household. His father was a succesful businessman, the family owned the house, even the in-laws were happily invited to live in the house. Hawks is implied to have grown up in isolation, whereas Shigaraki grew up surrounded by people. However, Tenko suffered from a quieter, and subtler more insidious form of domestic abuse where he was the scapegoated child of an otherwise “Happy home.” Tenko was treated as the problem child and made constantly to feel bad for suffering his father’s abuse like he provoked it by breaking the rules.

They both were born into a sort of lineage. Hawks is most likely related to the Great Theif Takami who Endeavor captured, and Shigaraki is the grandson of Nana Shimura.

They’re both adversely affected by the circumstances they were born into. Hawks’ household was probably in that condition because his father was a villain, or his father was captured and he was living on his own. Shigaraki was targeted by AFO because he was Nana’s descendant, and Kotaro carried his feelings of Nana’s abandonment with him for life and this eventually turned him into Tenko’s abuser.

They both have an event that sets them on their life course.

Tenko’s quirk activates on accident killing his whole family.

Tenko sees a truck accident and uses his quirk to save several people.

As a result of these incidents they are “saved” from their abusive households. It’s important to notice the difference, Hawks conforms by being offered a chance at education and a better life if he decides to become a hero. However, Shigaraki destroyed the household that demanded conformity from him in the first place. He becomes outcasted as a result to the point where nobody even notices him suffering on the street.

They’re both saved by predatory people who take their original names away:

Takami’s name is suppressed and he’s given a hero name instead. He’s literally renamed as a hero.

Tenko is renamed with AFO’s last name. He’s literally renamed as a villain.

On a third note they are both children who you would never look for if they went missing: Hawks was poor, Tenko was literally neglected in the middle of the street in broad daylight allowing AFO to kidnap him.

That’s even literally brought up by All Might and Gran Torino. If they had ignored Nana’s request, and actually monitored her child Kotaro and his family then Shigaraki never would have happened.

They’re both defined by their quirk, to the extent that their whole lives have been defined by it.

Shigaraki was born with a quirk suited for destruction, and this is what several characters insist that’s all he’s capable of. Shigaraki is then raised to be a symbol of fear who lusts only for destruction.

Hawks was called a genius for his quirk, and raised as a prodigy hero. His quirk is ideally suited for saving people and he’s done so his entire life. His own wish was to become a shining light that inspires everyone the same way Endeavor inspired him.

This is where they start to diverge. There’s more details I could go on about with all the differences, but I’ll summarize it like this. They present themselves as literal opposites. That is, the character they show to others. Their image. Etc.

Shigaraki is regarded by everyone he meets as a man child. He has visible scarring on his face that he hides. He’s frank and honest, and always tells everyone exactly how he’s feeling.

Hawks’ thing is being “The Man who goes too fast.” If Shigaraki never grew up, then Hawks grew up far too fast. Hawks is deceiptful, never shows his true face even though he doesn’t wear a mask. He’s considered traditionally attractive, does modeling, and is extremely popular and well liked.

2. But Different

If there’s one way to summarize the main difference between Hawks and Shigaraki it’s this. Shigaraki externalizes everything, every feeling, every little bit of trauma he has, instead of holding it all inside of him he pushes everything out. Hawks internalizes he has a rich inner world, but everything on the surface is vapid, it’s shallow, it’s just a performance for him. All of his trauma is inside of him, and he keeps it there. His real self is hidden somewhere in a cage deep within.

The reason they rely on these different strategies of expression is entirely to do with how they were raised. Hawks was raised inside of the system, and was taught confromity. Shigaraki was raised outside of the system. He was taught the exact opposite, to never conform to anybody’s standards.

They both grew up inside of an assigned role. Shigaraki was told it was his job to destroy whatever he likes, Hawks was told it was his job to save people. However, Hawks is not a better person, or a better victim than Shigaraki. Interanlization is just as bad of a coping strategy as externalization, and just as unhealthy. They are both characters who are barely coping with a lifetime worth of the trauma as being raised as literal child soldiers and exposed to so much violence a young age they’re both desensitized and numb to it. They’re hurting all the time, but also they’re numb.

They’re so similiar down to the fact that they both have the same internal desire. Shigaraki longs to be free from all of his trauma, and Hawks longs to be free from the weight of his responsibility, but it’s still the same longing.

But they are different.

It would be easy to say that Hawks is the more selfless character because he devotes himself to saving others, whereas Shigaraki is the more selfish because he lashes out at the world from his trauma. However, there’s no such thing as a perfectly selfless person. Hawks is capable of shockingly great feats of selfishness. Shigaraki is someone who can be selfless and do things for other people.

Hawks will go out of his way to destroy people too, just like Shigaraki. Hawks will destroy his own friends.

There’s a marked difference in the way Hawks and Shigaraki both treat Twice, someone who is a victim with many things in common with the both of them. Twice is someone who did not get saved and fell through the cracks like Shigaraki. Twice is someone who grew up in abject poverty and had to rely on his quirk to survive like Hawks.

Twice is constantly more of a burden to the league than an asset. He’s the reason Magne died, because his too trusting nature had him invite someone like Chisaki without knowing the risk. A normal villain would throw Twice out for his incompetent mistake, but instead he’s comforted.

Shigaraki says the two of them can work together to fix his mistake. Instead of being thrown out, he’s told he’s needed. He’s asked to stay together with the league for everyone’s sake. Twice at this point is still too traumatized to use his quirk properly. Afterwards, he fails even to duplicate Chisaki’s special bullets. However, Twice has value to the league no matter what his quirk can do. He’s valued as a person.

He’s humanized, both by Shigaraki’s and Toga’s actions together.

However, Hawks reacts differently. He dehumanizes the people who need his saving the most. When he’s at his most vulnerable, Hawks corners him and rutlessly mocks him.

Look at the opposite way they show their faces. Shigaraki shows his full face for the first time to Twice when Twice, whereas when Hawks reveals his true intentions his face is almost completely obscured.

Hawks dehuamnizes twice in two regards. One, he insists that Twice conform to his black and white standards. Hawks divides people into good people worthy of saving and bad people who are not. Every member of the league is a victim like Twice. However, Hawks only considers one of them a good person, and one of them is worth saving. Even when Twice says they’re all his friends, Hawks demands Twice betray all of them for the sake of himself. Of course Hawks would, Hawks doesn’t even know what it means to have friends.

The second way Twice is dehumanized is that Hawks only sees him as the potential damage his quirk can do. Twice is not a three dimmensional person, with reasons for what he’s doing, thoughts, and feelings. Hawks only sees him as a time bomb about to go off. This also relates how Hawks sees people in general, he always, always, always strips them down to their worth to him. Endeavor is someone he can position to be the next number one hero. Twice is someone to use to get closer to the league, and then destroy because he’s too trusting. Hawks only got close to Tokoyami because he wanted information about Class A, even though he did grow a little bit more fond of him.

Twice makes mistakes over and over again for the league, but he’s never thrown out. Even when Twice is the reason the raid is happening, Dabi rushes as fast as he can to save him, Toga almost loses herself avenging him. Twice’s life had value.

Except to Hawks.

Here we strike upon the difference between them and it’s almost entirely in how they treat the people closest between them. They’ve been raised all of their lives as tools, but Shigaraki doesn’t treat other people as tools. Shigaraki accepts people and gives them shelter, Hawks throws them out.

Shigaraki also used to be like this. He used to throw away all the recruits that AFO gave him and waste them on stunts like the UA Invasion. However, it’s something he grew past.

Which is one more difference between them. Shigaraki has this great capacity for change that Hawks has not shown us so far. They both long to be free, but Shigaraki is the only one of the two of them that actually fights against something for that freedom.

Shigaraki will always choose to make his own decisions, to be his own person.

However, Hawks is given that same choice and chooses the opposite. He wants his decisions made for him. He wants to remain inside the cage because it’s safer there.

It’s not just that though - it also extends to how they treat other people. Shigaraki liberates those he interacts with. Twice, Himiko, Dabi, Magne, Spinner, Mr. Compress (whatever his issues are) are all given a place of belonging within the league.

However, Hawks will take away the freedom of other people too. He does so to Twice. He possibly did so to Best Jeanist. He pushes others to conformity, believing that is what saves them because it saved him.

Utlimately what’s different about them is the choices they make despite their circumstances. Hawks was given a choice to be free. He’s given the oppurtunity to get better but doesn’t. Every time Shigaraki fails he learns from his lesson. Shigaraki is rising up, and Hawks is spiraling downward entirely because of the choices they made. Shigaraki has friends, Hawks has none. (Because he murdered the only real friend he did have).

That’s not to judge on whether they’re good or bad people. It’s just the direction their arcs are taking them. Shigaraki has always been on a self improvement kick, getting better with every failure. Hawks tragically is consumed by his failures and gets worse and worse, hence why there are so many references to Icarus in his character.

It’s been built up for a long time now that Hawks is going to meet Shigaraki at some point. In fact his desire to meet Shigaraki is what caused the hero raid on the PLF in the first place.

Those two are destined to meet in a Javert / Jean Valjean fashion. However, the question is what will Shigaraki do now? Hawks is someone who at least had a chance of Shigaraki sympathizing with him before because Shiga takes in all kinds of strays. However, now with Hawks chosen action to kill Twice who genuinely sympathized with him - he must have murdered off any chance of that.

Either way the two have so much in common that they have to meet. At which point Hawks’ fate will be left in Shigaraki’s hands. It’s likely even if Hawks is to be saved, it will be Shigaraki’s job to do it, because Shigaraki is the character with the most in common with him.

Either way their meeting has been building for a long time, and when they do finally meet something will change about both of them. That’s how integral both of their parallel stories are about one another.

#hawks #takami keigo #shigaraki tomura #shigahawks #the shigahawks agenda lol #tomura shigaraki #tenko shimura #lov meta #league of villains meta #league of villains friendship #mha meta #my hero academia meta #my hero academia theory

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ktheist · 4 years ago

Note

hi :) how about vampire!tae + prompt list #2, angst, #16? ❤️❤️

16. “I know for a fact that you’re not ‘fine’.”

muses. vampire! yandere!taehyung x college student!reader ft childhood fuck buddy!jeongguk

warnings. implied smut, yandere!taehyung, mentions of adultery, alcohol, smoking.

you never had a sliver of chance with kim taehyung.

not because you’d wandered down the hallway in the middle of the night to get some water to quench your thirst and happened to hear the sounds from your parents’ slightly ajar bedroom door that had you running to the bathroom and hurl your guts out into the toilet bowl.

nor because, after the incident, you’d later found out the friend your mother’s been spending too much of the time with was the same man that made it to your parents’ bed.

but because kim taehyung was an unsatiable beast.

a monster hungry for the blood running through your veins.

“wh-what are you-” a finger slants over your mouth, a gentle yet threatening voice following suit.

“you don’t wanna wake your darling mother, do you?” you’ve taken to the darkness since a young age, you can’t see anything and nothing can see you - a little comforting trick your father once told you to ease that fear for monsters under your bed.

he was wrong.

because the monster who has his knee wedged between your legs and hand pinning down your wrists over your head - has eyes as red as blood and luminescent as the moon.

“i followed that woman because she’s always had this sweet scent to her,” the hymns that trickles out of his mouth almost made you believe that he was an angel, just a little bit misguided but still a beautiful, breathtaking angel.

“she tasted better than the rest but,” something sharp grazes down the delicate skin on your neck as his chilly breath sends shivers down your spine, “if it wasn’t for her, i wouldn’t have found you, my little hummingbird.”

“what do you mean you want a divorce?!”

the first sound of fist slamming against something hard comes not even a year later. you thought to tell your father but it turns out he already knows. it’s your mother that’s fiercely arguing to keep the marriage intact.

was it the night you saw them together? or did he know way before?

the image of two bodies melded against each other burns at the back of your mind. you can almost taste the bile coming up from the sudden but not surprising need to vomit.

“...hated you! you never have time for me anymore.” a pause hangs over the ceiling as you admire the cityscape, the lights don’t blink like smoldering fire eating away at your cigarette, “is it that new assistant of yours? she must be good, huh?”

“miyeon, are you nuts?! she’s 20 years younger than me!” your father sounds like he’s the one on the verge of losing his mind trying to explain things to your mother.

“whatever,” you breathe out through your mouth, the smoke disappearing into thin air, “i’m leaving next week anyway.”

“oh? you’re leaving? already? but you just got back from your break,” a familiar voice vibrates in your ears and makes your toes curl inward.

thankfully, they’re hidden underneath your blanket.

“it was a mistake to come back,” the amber ring hisses for the briefest moment when you drop the bud into the half-filled glass of water even though the ashtray’s a little stretch away from the glass, “though at this rate, i should start looking for an apartment to rent.”

“you can always come and live with me,” the bed dips where the monster takes his seat, the hand on your knee is as cold as ever.

“tae,” you whimper, feeling the heat creep up your neck and spreading over your face as the aforementioned man - no, taehyung is no man, he’s a monster - starts kissing down your inner thigh and pulling your leg over his shoulder.

“i’ll make you forget everything,” garnet eyes staring into you like a sure promise, all you have to do is-

“c-can you eat me out?” you look away, shame and embarrassment filling your chest.

the monster smiles yet you’ve never seen emptier eyes, “with pleasure.”

not long after you moved out for good, the divorce finally took place. the long winded battle ends with your mother getting the matrimonial apartment but your dad’s got a few other he can live in.

oh, and he gifted you one too just before he signed the papers along with a trust fund that could support you and your future family.

not that you’d ever be able to have one.

a normal one, that is.

“aren’t you smoking too much?” jeongguk’s finger trails down your spine, “have you been eating healthy?”

puckering your mouth, you breathe out the ring shaped smoke into the air, watching it gradually fade away.

“that’s too much question for someone who couldn’t care less about what i’m doing with my life,” you let out a dry laugh.

friends since childhood and fuck buddies since first year of college. taehyung came and go like the wind, so you needed another person to make you forget. jeongguk stepped into boxes-filled house and right into your unmade bed.

silence hangs over you like foreboding clouds.

maybe you shouldn’t have said anything.

nothing good came out of biting your tongue so you say whatever you want, did whatever-

“oh, you have a guest,” a familiar soothe of baritone rings in your ears as the chilling air licks your naked skin.

“tae, i didn’t know you were gonna drop by,” you say, even after all these years, your heart still skips a beat at the sight of those glowing red eyes.

the bed shifts as jeongguk slips out from under the covers, not quite caring that his pride and glory is out in display. well, guess he’s just that confident. muscular back and thick thighs, you would’ve made an onlyfans if you had a body like a greek god too.

the greek god didn’t even bother to button up his shirt when he turns to you, abs and all, and places a kiss on the top of your head, “i’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

you blink, watching him with befuddled thoughts as he winks before he walks out of the door.

taehyung’s sigh as the bed dips is what snaps you out of your trance, “so you got a new play thing.”

“take it off,” this time, you have an ashtray you keep underneath your bed and pick up whenever you smoke. so you put out the bud and slide the ashtray back to that spot just below where your pillow would be.

“such an impatient hummingbird,” he chuckles but his hands glides over the buttons of his shirt anyway, “how long have you been together?”

“we’re not together,” you take a sip of the water from the bottle you keep on your nightstand and wipe the stray droplet that trails down your chin with the back of your hand, “why does it matter anyway? you’re here for a fuck, aren’t you? then shut up,” his muscles flex under your touch as you yank him down in his mid-undressed state, the first few buttons of his shirt are undone, revealing a strong, tight chest, “and fuck me.”

his eyes glow like a diamond underneath chandeliers, brighter than the times you’ve gazed into them. fiercer than the fleeting moments where he’d look at you and only you.

instead of devouring you right then and there, his hand, calloused yet gentle, pushes your hair to the back of your ear. his thumb lingering on your bottom lip, “you... did you think i only came here to do that?”

it’s the way he says it - as if he’s thought of you as more than a human toy - that’s what brings out the sneer from your face, “what? are you playing the good guy now? i guess you should change it up every once in awhile, shouldn’t you? it gets boring being the same monster for centuries.”

for the briefest moment, he looks like he’s about to snap your neck in half - it wouldn’t be that hard, especially with his large hand. he could wrap it around your delicate throat and-

“humans really are weak creatures,” he sighs, arms bringing you down to his chest, hugging you to his body unusually warm body - or is it your body that’s too hot that his ice cold built feels touchable?

you want to push him away, scream that it’s because of him that you’re like this, that you had a whole life ahead of you if you didn’t love him like you do. but there’s something - a lump stuck in your throat, and for some reason, your face is wet with tears you can’t control.

funny how taehyung stays longer than he would with just a little tears. and to think you gave him all of you just to be held for a night by a monster and wake up to an empty bed the next day.

well, you did wake up to an empty bed that morning too but there’s a beep of the door and the sound of it clicking open and close a moment later before taehyung walked in with bags of takeouts that was too much for a human and vampire to finish.

said he didn’t know what you like so he went with a variety of choices from the times he remembered you mentioning the foods you’d enjoyed.

you only ate a small portion before excusing yourself for a smoke even though manners and etiquette had never been in your books when kim taehyung is involved.

“i know for a fact that you’re not ‘fine’,” his eyes bore into yours, brows furrowed and lips pressed into a straight, frustrated line.

so monsters can make that kind of face too.

“mom knew,” the words almost didn’t make it out but the look in his eyes was so very human - well, almost fooled you into believing. you cross your arms over your chest, running your palms up and down your arm as if to heat yourself up, “she knew the reason her lover suddenly left her was because of me - every time she looks at me, it’s like she’s seeing something insightful. after the divorce, she told me she didn’t want to see me anymore - that i wasn’t her daughter moving forward.”

“i didn’t think miyeon was that kind of person...” taehyung laughs, but the laugh sounds as dry as the ones you’ve been making, “i knew she was a wicked woman for having a lover-”

“but you still slept with her,” you interject, the room is so awfully cold, “you slept with a wife and a mother and discarded her for her daughter - so don’t you dare judge her, kim taehyung.”

you say yet you have no right to get mad at him. kim taehyung is a monster and he doesn’t pretend to be something else. but you?

oh, you knew he just got done fucking your mother when he slipped into your room and placed his hands where he shouldn’t. yet you still let him in, gave him a part of your heart even though he only wanted your body and blood.

and just as you’re about to give the last of piece of your beating heart, kim taehyung takes a step forward, reaches out his hand and gathers you in his arms.

you’re left gripping that last part of your heart to your chest as he cradles you like a baby. like a cub that barely knows how to hunt.

you end up going up to the rooftop. the fresh air helps you think clearer but in your haste to get away from the monster you’re homing, you’ve forgotten to grab the reason you stormed out here. so you’re left with nothing but a layer of shirt and a gust of wind blowing past until the sun sets.

“hey you,” jeongguk calls - you know it’s him because no one has the nerve to talk to you like that on campus, but you don’t stop. you keep walking, “you little- you’re planning to skip again, aren’t you?”

something wraps around your wrist and twirls your around to face a red as tomato jeongguk.

“chill, professor min doesn’t even care if people attend his classes or not,” you place the hand he’s not holding on your hip.

after you spent half a day on the rooftop, you came back to an empty apartment. it’s almost kim taehyung was never there. yet the were traces of washed containers drying on the dish rack from the takeouts, the bed that is usually unmade even sports a new set of sheets, your astray is cleaned and your laundry is gone (it returned in a form of a call from a drycleaning place).

“it’s not about him not caring,” he counters, forehead creasing, “it’s about you - you... i haven’t seen you since last week and the first thing you do after the first class of the day is skip the next?”

“yeah, okay, this twisted sense of righteousness is not for me,” you finally yank your hand out of his grasp, “you do you but don’t rope me into it - even if it’s good for me. sometimes people don’t wanna be saved, jeongguk.”

you thought he’d look at you with disappointment like your father does. the man would put up a poor excuse of a smile and pat your head but as soon as he turns away, he’d look like he was in his own world. like he didn’t just talk to his daughter not even a second ago.

“well,” jeongguk sighs, “if you’re gonna skip, at least take me with you.”

“what?” you blink, surprised.

“hold up, let me get my bag,” he announces, running back to where you both came from.

you debate on leaving him after a minute but he comes running from around the corner and looking relieved that you’re still there.

you went to the karaoke, had a few drinks, went for dinner and drank some more. for the first time in a long time, the hollowed part in your chest where your heart used to be until you gave it to a monster that didn’t deserve it - feels alive again.

“you know, i forgot what it’s like to hang out with friends,” you’re slurring but jeongguk must have understood.

“i can introduce you to some friends,” he offers.

“not those kinds of fake friends that approach you for money,” you grumble, groaning at the remembrance of the faces that smile at you and talks shit behind your back when they thought you were out of earshot.

“there’s those kinds of people too, huh?” jeongguk laughs as if he missed ‘those kinds of people’ now that he barely had time to get ripped off from them.

“well, i don’t want your money. i got my own.” he confesses a moment later with the cutest grin - as if the monstority of the world hadn’t touched him one bit.

“i know, that’s why i kept you around,” you take another sip of the alcohol, feeling it flow down your throat with more ease than the first time.

“that’s good enough,” he murmurs, glazed eyes staring at the tinted emerald bottle for a little too long before his meets your gaze, lips stuck in a boyish grin.

the rest, you can barely remember.

but all you know is you share a kiss - it’s sweet but sloppy but you feel your cheeks warming all the way home. you didn’t invite jeongguk back - you couldn’t bring yourself to wrap him around your little fingers like you’ve been doing. and he must have known of your wishes if he looked at you with such conflicted gaze.

the apartment is loomed with shadows from every angle, save for the walled window across the room where the cityscape twinkles, as if welcoming you back. you sigh, at least you’ve made a home out of this place.

“where have you been?” a cold voice rings in your ears.

the phone you’ve been holding crashes against the ground with a thud.

“no,” it laughs as dry as the hollowness in your chest, “i knew where you were - i could’ve found you if i looked...”

“back for some human pussy?” you ask monotonously, “it’s funny, you know, we can barely go for more than 3 rounds and our bones break easily so you have to hold back all the time. and yet weaklings like us must’ve given you a different sort of pleasure, huh?”

silence lapses in between you.

the glowing garnet eyes shouldn’t bother you as much yet you feel your body heating up as you undress in front of him yet he doesn’t come when you leave the bathroom door ajar.

your heart races at the thought of seeing an empty room when you step out of the door in your bathrobe and freshly washed body. and your heart skips a beat when those garnet eyes meet yours in your not so subtle attempt to find out whether he’s still there, on the one-person couch in the corner of the room.

to think you’ve got less than a scrape of heart left to give.

you huff, not quite sure why you’re suddenly mad. but you pull on your night gown and march to your bed. if he’s going to keep being a creature that lurks within the shadows and refuse to touch you- then you won’t beg for him to.

for the longest time, you keep your eyes close and count to a digit that you can’t remember where you stopped. but sleep doesn’t come easy. you want to turn to your other side but that’ll blow your cover - not that taehyung couldn’t figure out from the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

there’s no telling how long it goes on, with you not managing to grasp a single strand of peace and kim taehyung - you sense him - staying there, just looking at you.

but liberation comes to you with a dip of the bed and the cold breath against your neck.

“i couldn’t do it after all...” he sighs, “i tried to tell myself that i’ll only have you once in awhile when it gets really bad for me but i keep wanting more.”

the kiss on the nape of your neck tickles.

“if you try to run away, i’ll chain your ankles,” he whispers sweet words to your ears, “if you push me away, i’ll strap you to the bedpost.”

there’s no going back now - your heart’s beating too face in your chest. and after the gasp that you just let out when you feel your body twist to lay on your back, hands pinned over your head as your eyelids flutter open to gaze into garnet diamonds - there’s no sleeping your way and pretending you didn’t hear anything to get out of this.

“why- why now? you knew how i felt about you but you left anyway - you left over and over again even if you knew i wanted you to stay,” you glare.

“humans are fickle creatures,” he rests his forehead on yours, “i wanted you to forget about me but my powers don’t work with you... i can’t erase your memories,” he laughs that dry, hopeless laugh, “a part of me wanted you to remember me even when you’re married and surrounded by children of your own. another part of me didn’t want you to run after a monster like me.”

“you think that’s just gonna make up for everything? for the shit you put me through? for ruining my relationship with my parents? for making me unable to have a normal human relationship with anyone?” you grit your teeth, “think again, kim taehyung. i’ll never forgive you. not for as long as i’m alive.”

“that’s fine,” he releases your hand only to pin both of them down together in one grip, his free hand tracing down the side of your face until his thumb finds home on your lips, “i’ll prepare the softest mattress, i’ll enchant the chains so they won’t gnaw at your delicate skin, i’ll be with you every day of your life.”

his lips are cold but your body is warm enough. taehyung bites that skin he calls delicate and licks the blood dry. your nipples are sore from how much he’s ravaging you. the moans that slip out of your mouth are unrestrained. feral, even. as if you’re the beast and he’s the monster.

“tae... taehyung... taehyung...” you murmur his name like you know no other word.

then, when you’re spent and heaving for air, he gathers you in his arms and whispers how good you were.

how very docile you are.

“taehyung,” you murmur, too tired to even open your eyes but the hum he lets out is the softest you’ve heard, “i’ll never let you have my heart.”

for a moment, you think you hear him hold his breath. as if he didn’t expect you to push him even when you’re snuggling up to him as you say so.

you want to laugh, maybe you let out a smile before you fell into deep slumber.

“___! please, help me out! i’ll buy you lunch!” soyeon begs, if you look closer, you might even see a hint of tear in her eyes, “tutor me so i’ll be able to graduate on time, please.”

“i don’t know... i mean, i still remember that time when you stole my chips when i wasn’t looking...” you narrow your eyes at the girl.

you’re in your final year, on the verge of graduating and actually collectively fearing about repeating a semester.

“if it’s chips you want, i’ll buy the whole aisle for you!” she proclaims.

you grin, “deal.”

“i have a bad feeling about this,” mina murmurs, deadpanned.

your phone vibrates with a text from a ‘taetae’, “oh shit, i’m late.”

“hey, ___, will you share some with me?” jongyeon waves to get your attention.

you look back, barely registering what she said, “hm? yeah, sure!”

and because of that, you run straight into a stone hard chest. but before you can feel the impact of the ground, a hand wraps around your arm and pulls you right into the body you just bulldozed.

“you’re late,” garnet eyes bore into you like it’s going to eat you alive.

“i know, you didn’t have to turn up on campus,” you take a step back, “people will notice.”

“that’s not my concern,” taehyung’s brows knit together in frustration and you know why.

something about you not wanting people to know about the monster living with you and showing up to pick you up from class - irks him. no, it eats away at him like a parasite. an ugly little green thing.

after awhile, he lets go of the idea of chains and lets you walk out of that door everyday for classes, holding onto that strand of hope that you’ll walk back in every evening and touch him, give him the littlest amount of attention he doesn’t even deserve.

and when you’re late, he slips out of the window and shows up on campus. those strange looks people give you and him will never cease. but you’ve got more to life than worry about measly little rumors of you an a questionable but exceptionally attractive looking man that shows up to pick you up from time to time.

“i want a boyfriend too,” jongyeon sighs before he calls after taehyung, “hey mr. boyfriend, do you have any cute friends?”

the glare he gives her should be enough to scare a human to her death bed but jongyeon doesn’t seem to notice.

in a way, you’ve gathered quite a bunch that are more like you than you can imagine.

you wave at your friends - your real friends, shaking your head at the way jongyeon’s shooting suggestive looks before you’re completely out of sight for taehyung to wrap his arms around you and take you flying in mid air.

shadows still loom in the apartment. taehyung spends most of his days here - he doesn’t like the light so he never switches them on.

before your feet even lands on the wooden flooring, your pants are already pushed down to the ground. his hand is on your breast, kneading and grasping for your flesh as if he can’t believe you’d here. in his arms.

your heart still races but you made sure taehyung understood that it’s a biological reaction for the excitement that rushes through your body.

and he’s fine with that as he breaks your skin and licks the blood that pours out of the incision.

you want to laugh as you feel his erection twitch in your hand. he doesn’t even bother to hide how desperate he is for you. for your touch. for your attention.

he’s wrapped around your fingers.

and to think you never had a sliver of chance with kim taehyung.

note. this was a wild ride, wasn’t it?? welp, bet the person who requested this did not expect that lmaoooo sorry if this isn’t your cup of tea huehuehue

#taehyung smut #bts smut #taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenario #yandere taehyung #bts fic #taenyung fic #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #taehyung x reader #bts x reader #yandere bts #bts fanfic #bts x you #taehyung x you #drabble game 1 #excerpt from a fic i'll never write

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nightbts · 5 years ago

Text

through the night | jjk | 05

pairing: jeon jungkook + stylist! reader

word count: 6.5k

genre: fluff, angst + idol! au, friends to lovers! au

parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

an: yall...this one is... *inserts side eye*

listen to this playlist while reading!

best of friends. that’s what you and jungkook were. as their stylist for several years now, you and jungkook got along like no other and over time developed a friendship that was special to the two of you. but what happens when an IU collaboration deal, a jealous childhood-best friend and secret feelings get intertwined with the simple life you thought you were living?

A heavy silence filled the room as the door slammed behind Jungkook. Sitting there on the couch, you felt several pairs of eyes on you, enough to make you want to crawl into the corner of the room and disappear.

But instead, you stood up with a sigh before grabbing your own things and following Jungkook. Closing the door behind you, you quickly caught a glimpse of his brown hair as you saw him turn the corner of the hall.

“Jeon Jungkook!”

Briefly turning his head at the sound of his name, you saw his gaze fall on you before he quickly turned away with a scoff, continuing to walk at the pace he normally was.

Chasing him along the hallway, you quickly caught up to him as his name softly left your lips yet again when the both of you heard something vibrate in his pocket. Stopping in place, Jungkook grabbed his phone, eyes scanning the name that flashed on the screen.

Your own gaze followed his as the name that filled his screen caused the tightening sensation in your chest to return again. Frowning, you looked up at Jungkook who was staring intently at you.

“What?” you glared, slightly taken aback, “Shouldn’t you be picking that up?”

Glowering his eyes at you he replied with a sneer, “I don’t know, should I? Or would it be childish of me to do so?”

“You’re unbelievable,” you muttered lowly, crossing your arms across your chest. Motioning for the idiot to pick up the call, he finally swiped to answer it, bringing the phone up to his ear.

“Hello, IU-sunbaenim!” Jungkook immediately greeted, his face instantly brightening up as she greeted him back on the other end.

You weren’t able to hear much of what IU said but you did see the way Jungkook’s eyes glistened with every word she said, his head quickly nodding in agreement, while his brows furrowed together deep in thought before replying to whatever she had to say.

Looking down at the ground, you sighed softly to yourself. You started to feel a bit bad for the things you said earlier—after all, IU was Jungkook’s dream girl ever since he was a young teenager. Who were you to shatter his hopes? You were just the girl who hopelessly fell for the person you knew you couldn’t have...

Standing there awkwardly until the phone call finally ended, you saw Jungkook hastily shove his phone back into his pocket before he looking back up at you again. His eyes slowly scanned your face, your gaze that stared down at your shoes, your lips that pursed into a tight line as your eyebrows scrunched together.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, was there something you had to say to me?”

Looking back up, your lips parted as you thought of all the things you had wanted to say earlier. All the things you were confident enough to tell him because you didn’t want your own heart broken by the thought of anything happening between him and IU. All the selfish things that now tasted bitter on your own tongue.

However, you quickly shook your head and instead plastered a smile on your face, one you hoped he would believe, “Actually, I just wanted to say I was sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

Blinking in surprise, Jungkook’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Wait...what? That’s what you wanted to say?”

Chuckling humorlessly, you simply replied with a nod, “Yea, I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”

Avoiding his suspicious gaze, you turned around before quickly adding, “I have to go back now. I’ll see you around Jungkook.”

“Y/N...w-wait—” you heard him start to say, but you continued to walk away.

You knew nothing was set in stone yet here you were, acting like they both confessed their love for each other already. But knowing yourself, you knew you had to prepare yourself for anything that would happen. Because if it were to, and you were still hopelessly in love with him, you would be absolutely broken without repair.

Watching the recent episode of Haikyuu on his phone, Jungkook sat sprawled across the couch when he felt someone shove his legs, “Hey, this couch is for all of us, you ass”.

Pausing the video, Jungkook popped an earphone out as he met Jin’s gaze, grinning cheekily at the older member. Waiting for him to sit down, Jungkook instantly swung his legs back up, this time onto Jin’s lap.

Scowling, Jin shoved Jungkook’s feet away before groaning, “Get your stinky feet away from me!”

“Hyungggggg~” Jungkook whined playfully, earning another glare from Jin before finally huffing in resignation, allowing Jungkook’s feet to rest over his lap as he grabbed the TV remote, mindlessly switching through the different channels.

Smirking to himself in victory, Jungkook went back to watching the episode when a familiar voice filled the room. Looking up, Jungkook noticed that Jin had landed on KBS2, which was broadcasting Music Bank at the time. Watching the stage slowly illuminate, revealing a small, petite figure standing alone, Jungkook couldn’t help but smile.

“She sure is amazing.” he heard Jin comment, to which Jungkook hummed in agreement, “You could say that again.”

This whole thing was like a dream to him; from the moment IU had asked him to collaborate with her to the Skype session they had yesterday, it all just felt like a really really long dream, one that Jungkook hoped he would never wake up from.

Swaying his head to the soft tune, Jungkook’s eyes were glued to IU’s comeback performance when a slight snicker grabbed his attention. Turning his head to the side, he watched Jin hyung tsk at him before chuckling again, “Oh, you are too cute you know that?”

Taken aback, Jungkook retorted, “What are you laughing at?”

“The face you make whenever you see, hear or speak about anything IU-related” Jin laughed. Widening his eyes, Jin parted his lips slightly, imitating a look of awe before he pointed to his face, “This. This is how you look. Every, single time.”

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook grumbled, “I do not,” even though his cheeks flushed, feeling a tinge of embarrassment.

“Although, you actually look like that a lot whenever you’re around Y/N.”

Snapping his head up in surprise, Jungkook suddenly choked on his own spit, quickly falling into a fit of coughs. Blinking innocently, Jin looked at the younger boy in alarm.

“Hey, you alright there?”

Witnessing his blush deepen, Jin saw Jungkook rub his chest in circles before stammering, “W-What do you mean by that?”

Jin’s concern quickly washed over as a small smirk replaced it. Sending Jungkook a pointed look, he said teasingly, “I don’t know, what do you think I mean?”

Frowning, Jungkook stammered, “I-I don’t know what you’re implying. We’re just friends...”

Humming softly, Jin turned his attention back towards the TV when he finally said, “Mm, I’ll believe that for now.”

“Hyung!”

Groaning in frustration, a flush-faced Jungkook grabbed his phone from the couch before getting up and leaving the room, muttering a couple of things under his breath that Jin couldn’t hear.

As Jungkook walked out, a confused-looking Jimin entered the room, watching as the youngest member left the room with a flustered look on his face.

“What was that all about?” Jimin asked, popping a chip from Jin’s bowl into his mouth as he went to go sit next to him.

Looking to his side, Jin gave him a knowing look, “Oh what else? I brought up Y/N and he immediately got all flustered.”

Raising a brow, Jimin said with a slight chuckle, “Is that so?”

Turning his attention to the TV screen, Jimin shook his head in amusement, “I wonder when the two of them will finally realize how stupidly in love they are with each other.”

Jin snorted in response. It had been a while since many of the members had caught on to the fact that there was something between you and Jungkook. Not only was it because the two of you were always stuck to each other by the waist, but it was also in the way you both looked at each other, like there was nobody else in the world as special as the other.

“Maybe in a million years they will. It amazes me how blind they are to each other's feelings when all of us can see it so clearly.” Jin finally said with a dramatic sigh.

“Hmm, I guess they’re just that typical rom-com couple you see in every show these days.” Jimin simply hummed before reaching out to grab another chip from Jin’s bowl, just to be met with a smack to his hand.

Shooting him a glare, Jin scowled, “I let you off the first time but not again!”

Putting on the best aegyo-face he could, he fluttered his lashes and pouted his lips as he tried to grab another chip just for Jin to smack it again, “No! Go get your own, you thief!”

“Pa pa pa PA! That’s it!” Hoseok cheered, clapping his hands together.

It was late at night yet you were sitting on the floor of the dance studio, watching some of the boys practice their choreographies for their tour performances. After helping the other stylists and coordinators organize the boys’ outfits and the order in which they would change into them, you felt too tired to leave so you decided to just stick around and head home when you were ready to.

Sitting on the side of the room, you watched as Hoseok instructed Jimin and Jungkook with his ever-famous “pa pa pa”s. You felt yourself smile in pride as you saw each of them working their hardest, focusing and executing with so much precision, it was like they were actually performing.

Letting out a quiet yawn, you stretched your arms upward releasing a soft moan as you felt the release of the slight ache within your tight muscles.

“Y/N, what are you still doing here?”

Looking up, you gave Jiho a lopsided smile before motioning for him to sit down next to you. Sighing, he shook his head as he sat beside you.

“Why haven’t you left yet? I saw everyone leaving like an hour ago.” Jiho asked again.

Shrugging, you said nonchalantly, “I don’t know, I was just too tired to walk all the way to the bus station I guess.

Poking your forehead, Jiho chuckled softly, “Of course. Of all people, you would be the only one to stay at her workplace even when she’s done with work.”

Yawning again, you naturally let your head rest on Jiho’s shoulder as you snuggled closer into his side, “Let me just take a quick nap, and then I’ll leave with you, hmm? It’s always so boring to walk alone.”

Stiffening lightly, Jiho looked to his side as he saw your eyes slowly flutter close. Oh, Y/N...Jiho thought to himself as he sighed inwardly, you really do have to make things so difficult for me, don’t you?

As a couple minutes passed, your breathing slightly evened out as he could feel your chest rise and fall with every breath. Finding himself smiling softly at the peaceful look on your usually tired face, he let out a small sigh of content before turning back to look at the boys practicing.

Yet as he did, his gaze met Jungkook’s as the younger boy stared at Jiho with an unknown look in his eyes.

Realizing he had been caught, Jungkook quickly flashed Jiho an awkward smile before turning his attention back to Hoseok hyung. However, he couldn’t help but find his gaze falling back on your sleeping figure, the feeling of his stomach dropping when he saw whose shoulders you were sleeping upon, shoulders that weren’t his.

“Jungkook!”

“Hey, Jungkook! What are you doing?”

Tearing his gaze away from you, Jungkook looked up at Jimin and Hoseok with wide eyes as the two dancers looked at him in suspicion, both of them sharing looks between each other.

“Why are you just standing there, it’s already late! We need to get this done if you want to go back to the dorms at a reasonable time.” Hoseok sighed impatiently.

Quickly nodding his head, he muttered a quiet apology before getting back into position, waiting for the music to start again.

What was wrong with him? It wasn’t like him to act this way, yet recently he couldn’t help but feel an odd sensation within himself whenever he saw you with Jiho. Or with anyone else for that matter. Even when he would catch you mid conservation with Jin hyung about the latest recipe you had tried out, or when he would find you and Namjoon hyung obsessing over some book he couldn’t even pronounce, the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was something he hated, for he knew your friendship wasn’t something that was solely his. After all, you had known the rest of the members as long as you had known Jungkook, and Jiho even longer.

Shaking his head, he tried to get rid of the thoughts that had been swarming his brain the last couple months when suddenly a yell echoed through the hallway outside the dance studio.

“JEON JUNGKOOK!”

Tripping on his own feet, Jungkook fell to the floor with a thud as a flustered-looking Taehyung burst through the doors.

“W-What’s happening?” you jumped as you woke up with a start, rubbing your eyes gently while they adjusted to the bright lights that filled the room. Gaze falling on Jungkook on the floor, his face wincing in slight pain, you found yourself immediately pushing yourself off the ground, automatically moving towards him.

“J-Jungkook! You alright?”

Giving you a slight nod, you gave him your hand as you helped pull him back up to his feet when the both of you looked up to meet a sheepish-looking Taehyung.

“Jesus, what is it Taehyung? You scared the shit out of us!” Jimin exclaimed as he walked over to Jungkook, giving the younger boy a quick once-over, making sure he was okay.

Not before flashing you all an apologetic smile, Taehyung excitedly pointed to his iPhone screen, “You will not believe what I just found.”

As he shoved the device into Jungkook’s hands, Hoseok, Jimin, and Jiho all crowded around you and Jungkook as you all watched Jungkook press the play button on the screen. The black screen quickly illuminated as the title of the video appeared first.

“IU talks about her single featuring one of BTS’s hottest members, Jeon Jungkook!”

“Mmm, fast forward to about 3:30 mark,″ Taehyung pointed out, as Jungkook forwarded the video.

“IU-ssi. We have to ask you how the collaboration with BTS’s Jeon Jungkook is going!”

Chuckling softly, the sound of her laugh itself like music, IU responded, “I have to say I can’t say much now, but things are going amazing. Jungkook-ssi is a very talented individual, as I’m sure you all know.”

Jungkook found his heart swelling with happiness as he heard his idol praise him, that too on live television.

“Yes, of course! One of the best singers in the industry for sure. How has the process been going in all? With BTS currently being on tour and all.”

“There have been times where it has been difficult for sure, but Jungkook-ssi is very dedicated and our meetings have been very efficient, so we are getting a lot of work done,” IU replied with an appreciative smile.

“That’s good to hear! So do tell us, IU-ssi. Did you know that you are Jeon Jungkook’s ideal type?!”

“Ha!” Jimin snickered, wagging his fingers teasingly at Jungkook, “I knew all your interview confessions would one day lead to this.”

However, for a split second, IU looked slightly taken aback, almost as if she hadn’t known this. But just as quickly, the singer composed herself before laughing warmly, “No, I hadn’t heard of that. That is very sweet of him.”

“Well, what about you IU-ssi? After all, you’ve been talking to Jungkook-ssi for a while now! Would you say the BTS member is somewhat like your ideal type too?”

As the interviewer dropped the question, the entire room suddenly went silent. Turning to look at Jungkook, you saw his face go white, the color draining from it as he stared intently at the screen in front of him, his gaze unwavering.

This time IU was evidently flustered, the question clearly catching her off guard as she laughed nervously, “Ah, I haven’t known him for very long you see—”

“Oh, I’m sure you could still gather enough at this point, don’t you think?”

Nodding slowly, IU smiled tightly until she finally responded, “I-Yes, he’s a handsome individual and also very determined and passionate about music, which is very nice to see—”

“Wonderful! There you have it folks, IU reveals her ideal type to be no other than BTS’s Jeon Jungkook! I wonder if this collaboration will be the start of a blooming romance between the two amazing singers! Stay tuned for more, after the break!”

And with that, the video cut off.

Swallowing the lump that appeared in your throat, you found yourself staring at the blank phone screen, afraid to even look at Jungkook and his reaction to the video.

“Wow.” was all Hoseok could say, “That just happened.”

Nodding slowly, Jungkook handed the iPhone back to Taehyung who looked at him expectantly. Meanwhile, as you slowly lifted your gaze you found Jungkook already looking at you, his gaze unreadable.

“Jungkook! Why aren’t you freaking out?! IU basically said she thinks of you as her ideal type!” Taehyung exclaimed as he grabbed Jungkook’s shoulders, shaking them vigorously.

Snapping himself from your own confused gaze, he couldn’t help but think back to the words you said in the dressing room.

“...a little childish...” you had said, your words feeling like a slap to his face, yet he knew there was truth to your words. It would’ve been absolutely crazy to think IU would ever like him in that manner.

But this? He suddenly didn’t know how to feel.

“I don’t know...” he started to say, a hint of uncertainty laced within his voice as his brows together. Finally, he let out a sigh before adding, “I just... that interviewer pretty much manipulated her into saying that and she didn’t even finish her thoughts before he cut her off.”

Blinking, you found yourself slowly taking in Jungkook’s words before looking at him in surprise.

However, it seemed that you weren’t the only one.

The rest of the boys around you all had a similar expression as they stared at Jungkook in slight shock until Taehyung finally said, “Wait what? So, you’re like not phased by this interview?”

Scanning all of your faces and the looks of absolute confusion etched upon them, Jungkook found himself chuckling before he nodded, “Not really? Like I said, IU-sunbaenim looked really uncomfortable and was basically forced to answer the question.”

This time you piped up, not knowing what exactly made you do so, “But you never know right?! Like, she could’ve been flustered for other reasons.”

“Yea! Exactly!” Taehyung exclaimed, pointing at you, “Y/N has a point!”

This time, it was Jungkook’s turn to look completely confused before he recalled, “Weren’t you the one who told me it was “childish” for me to think IU-sunbaenim could ever like me? Hmm?”

Flushing deeply, you rubbed the sides of your arms as you stuttered out an apology, “I-I know I’m sorry about that—”

Quickly shaking his hands in front of him, he grinned, “I’m just messing with you. I didn’t mean it like that Y/N. Honestly, I kind of understand what you meant after thinking about it. You’re not wrong, you know?”

Biting down on your lip, you simply stood there, unsure of how to exactly respond to that.

“Well, I agree with Jungkook.” Jimin piped up, “We all know how interviewers tend to ask risky questions and then manipulate our answers to make news out of them.”

Frowning slightly, Taehyung scratched the back of his head, “Yea. I suppose that makes sense too.”

Hitting his arm gently, Hoseok scolded Taehyung, “And there you came, screaming and scaring us while we were mid-practice.” earning an apologetic grin from the younger member.

At that point, the boys decided to call it a day and head back to the dorm as it was way late into the night and they had a pretty packed schedule tomorrow. Deciding to pack your stuff up as well, you looked towards Jiho, who stood by the doorway waiting for you.

“We better hurry if you wanna catch the last bus,” Jiho said, checking the bus schedule on his phone. You and Jiho lived fairly near each other and therefore often rode the bus home together after work. Jiho had even joked about letting you move in with him when his roommate had moved out, and honestly, you would’ve but you knew your mother would kill you if she found out you were rooming with a guy, even if he was just your best friend.

Swinging your backpack across your shoulder, you waved goodbye to the rest of the boys before leaving with Jiho.

“God, it’s cold.” you said as a shiver ran through your body. Pulling your long sleeves over your frozen hands, you bit your lip as the cold, night breeze brushed past you, making you only shiver more.

Giving you a bemused look, Jiho said, “You never dress appropriately for the weather, you know that?”

Shooting him a glare, you frowned as you dug your face into your the neck of your hoodie, “Yea yea I know. You’ve only told me that maybe like a million times before.”

“You would think after a million times, someone would finally listen.”

Opening your mouth to protest, you resorted to muttering a couple less-than-nice words under your breath, to which Jiho laughed aloud, the sound ringing loudly through the silent night sky.

Before you knew it, Jiho moved so that he stood in front of you, causing you to abruptly stop in place as you looked up at him in confusion. Just then, he shrugged off his jacket before draping it around your shoulder, “Here, wear this dummy.”

“Jiho, what about you—” you said as you started to remove the jacket, but Jiho simply shook his head, stopping your hands and instead helped you put it back on, “I’ll be fine. You, on the other hand, have the immune system of a baby.”

Accepting defeat, you slipped your arms through the jacket’s sleeves, allowing the oversized piece of clothing to completely drown you yet giving you a feeling of warmth you oh-so-needed.

A sigh of content slipping past your lips, you snuggled further into the soft material before finally breathing, “Thanks Jiho.”

Ruffling your hair slightly, he replied with a small smile, “Yea, don’t mention it.”

Watching you from the side of his eyes, he couldn’t help but feel his heart beat a bit faster. Drowning in his jacket, you looked so small and absolutely adorable; meanwhile, your cheeks and nose were a soft red from the cold weather, giving you a naturally flushed appearance.

At that moment, Jiho felt like he would do anything to be able to just hold your face in his warm hands, pull you close to him, and just feel your lips against his. Instead, he quickly stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his sweatshirt before he could do anything he knew he would regret.

“Shit!”

Snapping him out of his thought, Jiho turned to look at you in concern, “What? What’s wrong?”

Crying in frustration, you groaned as you slapped your forehead, “I’m such an idiot! I left my wallet back at the studio.”

“Well, can’t you just wait till tomorrow to get it?” Jiho asked as you quickly shook your head, “I need it now, it has my bus pass in it.”

Sighing, Jiho turned back around and started walking in the opposite direction, “Alright, let’s go then.”

Shaking your hands, you quickly blurted, “No! You should get home, you’ll miss the bus! I’ll go get it and if I get back fast enough, I’ll join you. If not, I’ll just call a taxi.”

“Y/N...” Jiho trailed off, his lips forming a frown as he stared at you with worried eyes.

Patting his chest softly, you said reassuringly, sensing Jiho’s concern, “I’ll be fine. I’ll text you once I get home, okay? You should go though, it’s getting late and I know it’s already way past your bedtime, grandpa.”

Lips parting to retort back, Jiho backed down knowing nothing he said would make you listen to him. So instead, he simply nodded.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Thanks for the jacket again!” you exclaimed with a grin, before turning around and slowly jogging back to the company building.

Making it there sooner than you expected, you quickly typed in the building passcode and made your way up towards the dance studio, hoping it was where you thought you had left it.

Walking down the hallway, your ears picked up the soft sound of music playing from the direction of the dance studio. Peeking your head through the door, the figure your eyes fell on confirmed your suspicions.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re still here,” you said with a soft smile, leaning against the door frame.

Startled, Jungkook froze in place before quickly turning towards the sound, his face evidently relaxing when he realized who it was.

“Oh, it’s just you..” he breathed, his chest heaving as he walked towards his phone which laid on the ground, pressing the pause button.

“What are you doing back? I thought you were already late to catch your bus,” he said as he slightly dabbed away the sweat that dripped from his hair with a hand towel.

Walking past him, you moved towards where you remembered placing your stuff, your eyes scanning for your wallet, “I left my wallet and it has my bus pass in it.”

“Is this it?” you heard him say, causing you to turn around to see him holding up a tan-colored wallet.

“Ah, yes that’s the one!” you grinned as you walked towards him, but instead of giving it to you, he raised it higher up in the air, shaking it teasingly above you.

“Oh, come on, don’t be a brat. You’re not that taller than me,” you huffed before stretching your hand up in the air, your fingers slightly grazing his wrist.

“Jungkook~” you whined softly, this time standing on the tips of your toes, as you tried reaching for it once again, but still failing nevertheless as you endlessly grabbed at the air above you.

“Fuck you,” you muttered in annoyance causing Jungkook to laugh at the irritation that clouded your face. At that moment, an idea struck your mind and before you could think any further, your body reacted first. Karate-chopping his stomach with one hand, Jungkook yelped in surprise, allowing you to take advantage of it and quickly grab your wallet from his hands.

Grinning devilishly, you placed a hand on your hip before sticking your tongue out, “That’s what you get for trying to mess with THE Y/N L/N.”

Throwing both hands up in the air in surrender, he replied mockingly, “Oh dear, remind me to never mess with you again.”

Dramatically whipping your hair behind you, you lifted your backpack from the ground and zipped it open. Carefully placing your wallet inside it, you looked up in surprise when you heard the sound of music resume around you.

“Jungkook...” you trailed off, as he turned to look at you mid-step, “It’s getting late, you should head back.”

“Yea I know, but I have to get this last bit down.” he simply replied before going back to dancing again. You knew better than anyone that Jungkook was doing well enough, but being the perfectionist he was, you knew he wouldn’t stop until he himself was satisfied. Which unfortunately usually happened after a lot, and a lot of practice.

Resting your back against the wall, you stood there as you saw Jungkook stare at himself through the mirror, his concentration unbreakable as he repeated the same dance move a number of times, each time at a different speed and with a different amount of power.

Finally, turning to look at you, he asked slightly breathless, “Y/N could you do me a favor?”

Nodding in response, he walked over and handed you his phone, “Here, can you play this bit of the song, from 2:45-3:20, and I’ll dance it twice and can you tell me what looks better?”

Eyes quickly glancing at the clock in the room, Jungkook’s gaze followed yours before quickly saying, his hands moving back towards his phone, “Nevermind, I shouldn’t keep you here—”

Shaking your head softly, you said, “It’s alright. The buses are all gone by now anyway, so it doesn’t matter anymore.” Ushering him to go back to his position, you waited for him to give you a thumbs-up before pressing down the play button.

Performing the choreography for you the first time, you restarted the section once it reached the 3:20 mark and watched him perform it again, his movements not drastically different but enough for you to see the difference in the execution.

“I think, I liked the first one better.” you finally said after a bit of thinking. Walking up to him, you turned to face the mirror as you showed him the specific step you were thinking of, “But I think when you do this step, doing it the second way looked better. So maybe combing those together?”

Looking at him through the mirror, you saw him raise a brow before giving you a teasing smile, “Well, someone just went from stylist to a dance teacher real fast.”

Punching his arm softly, you replied with a shy smile, “I just wanted to give you some helpful critique is all. Obviously, you can do whatever you want, for I cannot dance to save my life.”

Tilting his head to the side, he smirked, “Now, that can’t be completely true.”

Scoffing, you said, “Oh trust me. When I was younger, my mom put me in ballet lessons, and every time I would do a lil twirl I would fall on the ground because I got too dizzy.”

Waiting for you to tell him you were joking, Jungkook looked at you expectantly until he finally said, “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Stifling a laugh, Jungkook stared at you until you sighed, causing him to burst into laughter. Standing on his toes, he tried to imitate your elementary-school self as he twirled, before dramatically falling onto the ground. Mimicking a child’s voice, he said, “Oh I’m so dizzy, someone help me.”

Frowning, you kicked him softly as he continued to laugh harder, his hands holding his stomach. A couple seconds passed before his laughs began to die down, “Wow, I really needed that today.”

Getting back up on his feet, Jungkook took the phone from your hand as you saw him scroll through his music library. Eyes brightening, he clicked on a song and pressed the play button, the slow pop track with a slight R&B beat to it, filling the room instantly.

Just then, Jungkook offered his hand to you. Raising a brow in confusion, you simply stared at him until he sighed and moved towards you himself, slowly grabbing your hand in his.

“Dance with me.”

Eyes widening, your breath hitched in your throat as you began to stutter, “D-dance?”

“It’ll be fun,” Jungkook chuckled softly, squeezing your hand. Pulling you to the center of the room, Jungkook looked down at you and almost laughed as you continued to stare at him in absolute horror.

“Jungkook, I don’t know if you have short-term memory but I just told you I can’t dance.”

“You’ll be fine.” he assured you as he let his other hand rest loosely on your waist. Body moving closer towards you, you started to feel your heart rate spike when he whispered softly into your ear, “Just follow my lead.”

As the song slowly began to reach the chorus, you let Jungkook slowly guide you through the floor, showing you fairly simple steps that you attempted to follow under his guidance. As the chorus rolled into the second verse, you found your body relaxing into Jungkook’s touch, the nerves dissipating as you allowed yourself to succumb to the music.

You could feel Jungkook’s touch everywhere; his hands that guided your waist with every turn, his fingers that traveled down your back before reaching the length of your arms, his touch soft and supportive as they sent warm tingles down your body. Yet, you didn’t feel nervous. Instead, you found yourself only falling more, the familiarity of his skin feeling comfortable against your own.

With every stumble, every falter, every accidental step on each others’ feet, apologies would spew from your mouth only to be quickly replaced with soft giggles and laughter. Jungkook would simply grin in amusement and laugh, as he made the two of you move in exaggerated manners: spinning you around, dipping you towards the ground, and finally pulling you up.

Slowly, the song came to an end as Jungkook pulled you in towards him, his face mere centimeters away; his arms rested on the curves of your hips as yours had found its way around his neck. The two of you were slightly breathless, your breaths mingling as soft waves of laughter spilled past the both of your lips.

As a soft silence hung over the two of you, you looked up into his eyes, noticing Jungkook’s playful gaze had slowly softened. There was something in the way he looked at you; his deep brown eyes were suddenly unreadable and completely unknown to you. Just then you saw Jungkook’s gaze flickered down to your lips before meeting your gaze once again, the subtle movement causing your cheeks to flare in response.

As his forehead gently fell against yours, your eyes fluttered instinctively to a close as you felt his nose softly brush yours, the subtle touch electrifying.

Suddenly, you felt Jungkook’s grip on your waist loosen; opening your eyes, you saw Jungkook pull away as he looked down at you with a soft yet nervous smile. Your lips parted slightly, yet no words came out; instead, you found yourself flushing, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Clearing your throat, you gently removed yourself from his grip before giving him an awkward smile.

“I’m s-sorry—”

“I—”

Speaking at the same time, you both chuckled nervously, neither of your gazes meeting each other.

Running his hands through his hair, he gave you a small smile, one that still managed to make your heart beat erratically in your chest as your brain could only find itself replaying the last couple minutes in your head.

“Y/N? Did you hear what I said?”

"Huh?” you asked dumbfounded, blinking at him until you saw his mouth twitched into an amused smile, “I said we should get going, it’s pretty late.”

Nodding quickly, you walked over to where you laid all your stuff down and grabbed them before moving towards the door. However, even then the two of you had managed to walk at the same time, as your shoulder bumped into his.

“S-sorry!” you squeaked, cheeks turning pink as you quickly brushed past him, clutching your backpack close to you.

Glancing at you, Jungkook let out an airy chuckle before you felt him ruffle your hair softly, “Let’s get you a cab, okay?”

“Jungkook—” you said with a start as your hands moved towards your wallet, but the boy before you shook his head.

“Please, don’t. After all, I owe you for staying back and helping me out.” Jungkook said with a small smile.

Biting down on your lip, you started to stay something when Jungkook interrupted, “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Motioning for you to go inside with his hands, he added, “You should get inside, it’s really cold.”

Giving you a small wave from inside the cab, you pulled Jiho’s jacket closer around you as you watched as the car drove away, becoming smaller and smaller until you weren’t able to see it anymore.

Resting a hand against his chest, Jungkook felt his heart hammering against it. Letting out a shaky breath, he tried staring out the window and focusing on the world outside but instead, his subconscious kept pulling him back to you. His mind was filled with images of your face as he had danced with you tonight; the way you laughed, the way you stared at him with wide eyes, and the way your eyes fluttered close in anticipation as Jungkook had almost kissed you.

He almost kissed you.

And you didn’t move away.

Shaking his head in utter disbelief, he found himself chuckling softly; your conversations, your hugs, your warm touches, your laughs and jokes, your everything.

You were simply everything.

He didn’t know why it took him so long to figure it out, after all, it was what his heart had been telling him all this time, yet his mind has been rejecting it because he was afraid. Afraid you wouldn’t feel the same, afraid you’d reject him, afraid he’d lose someone so important to him because of his foolishness.

But today, everything changed.

Today, he knew, he wouldn’t be afraid anymore.

author’s note: i think im crying

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yaboylevi · 4 years ago

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“Let’s talk!”

In this post, I’d like to examine why the words chosen to sway and stop Eren in chapter 133 didn’t resonate with some readers, as well as with Eren.

Disclaimer #1: This isn’t a justification of any kind. I merely tried to look in a critical way at the individual parts, because while reading them, I felt a disconnect with what the 104th thought could get to Eren. As I read, it felt obvious that what they were saying wasn’t gonna work. So I asked myself, Is Isayama such a bad writer that all his characters say is so obviously inappropriate or ineffective, or is this on purpose? (I still don’t know the answer)

Disclaimer #2: I realize that the 104th was suddenly brought in front of “Eren”, so they were surprised, and didn’t have time to sort through their reasonings, but I’d also say they have had plenty of time before. Also, maybe the suddenness of it all was actually a good thing, so we could see how some of the characters really felt.

Let’s start with Jean:

“We’ll figure out the rest from here” and, after Eren says he won’t stop, “Why not? Are you saying you can’t trust us?!”

First of all, Eren has been feeling like he was partially* pushed to this outcome, because in 4 years they couldn’t figure out what else to do to save the island in the long term. They still cannot come up with anything better than “we will be left alone for a while”, so Jean’s words offer an empty promise. It has been established that Eren won’t settle for “a while”, he wants a “forever”. Never mind that a temporary solution would still require for Historia and her kids to be sacrificed.

*Eren also feels like it was his own fault, due to “his past self wishing for everything to disappear”. We are still not sure what this means exactly, and if it is true (I’m thinking of Paths shenanigans here).

Then, Jean talks about “trust”, particularly in comrades in arms. This is a topic that has been explored repeatedly since the beginning of the story, through Levi’s “make a choice” speeches, and Eren’s harsh experiences. Basically: when Eren decided to trust in his friends and comrades, in the forest of Giant Trees, Levi’s squad got killed, Eren captured, Levi injured. All in all, it resulted in many losses, and Eren has felt a deep guilt for that outcome ever since those events, all the way through Uprising Arc and probably even later on. No matter that it wasn’t his fault, he felt that it was. So the next time he had to decide whether to trust in himself or in his comrades, he decided to trust in himself. The story also calls back to the time he “chose wrong”, as if it wasn’t an obvious parallel already.

Eren is rewarded with his friends safe and sound.

So it is no surprise that, as much as Eren - I believe - would love to trust them, experience told him that he cannot, or the price to pay will be their lives. Eren has been entrusting the SC to find another solution to the Rumbling for 3-4 years, and in the end Marley was close to declare war on Paradis. Eren isn’t averse to trusting his comrades, he just feels like he cannot, not on this one choice. (Albeit I think he’s trusting them to do the choice of stopping him - but there is something he needs to do alone).

When it comes to Connie, I feel like bringing up Sasha’s death wasn’t the best of choices. Eren feels guilty about that. He broke down in such a helpless, desperate way, that I find it hard that Connie’s words would absolve any of that hatred and guilt he must be feeling. “We are the same” - both Eren and Reiner have acknowledged this about each other, and if it has even a bit of credibility, then no amount of apologies for not understanding them, or forgiveness for what they did, is gonna make them feel any better about the death and destruction they have both caused and feel guilty about.

It was when Reiner threw himself to the ground and refused to accept Eren’s understanding and forgiveness that Eren reiterated they are the same, after all.

Hence why Connie’s words couldn’t have had the desired effect. (Also, guys, look, the “let’s band together against a common enemy is RIGHT on this page...lol)

Now, Armin’s words.

To me, it seems like he doesn’t really know what to say. Or rather, he tried every idea that bounced in his head at that moment, without a clear strategy. He didn’t have time to form one, and besides it’s difficult to decide whether to use an objective approach or an emotional one when it comes to your best friends. But even then, I felt like the reasonings, and reasons, he brought up, failed to reach Eren in a significant manner. And by this, I don’t mean that Eren wouldn’t want to just drop everything and hug his friends... we all know he would, under normal circumstances, because there is no doubt he loves them deeply... but it seems to me he has resolved to push his own feelings down and just...move forward - which is in a direction away from his friends.

Armin starts with logic, “Eren has brought so much destruction that nobody will interfere with the Island for centuries”. Except, Armin has no proof. On the other hand, Eren has probably seen that there are still enemy forces advancing in their attack of the Rumbling, so if he were to stop the Rumbling now, they’d attack Paradis. “The island is fine now.” It isn’t. I think Armin is aware that this was a lie on his part.

Armin immediately realizes that’s not good enough, and that he’s wrong, and Eren knows, so he switches to the emotional route.

“We were wrong. We forced you to this point”. It would not resonate with Eren, because Eren is too aware of the fact that what he is doing is not because his friends never understood him. As bad as they acted toward their friend, they aren’t the cause for this war. The Rumbling exists because there are people who were ready to destroy Paradis.

This prompts Jean to bring up another elephant in the room: “Eren is doing this for our sake”…which isn’t wrong, but telling Eren he doesn’t have to do it for them just won’t make Eren stop. Eren has repeatedly stated that he wants them to live, and be free. Armin has just reminded him that if Eren stops, that freedom will be crushed, along with their lives. Eren, of course, cannot accept that.

After Eren refuses to stop, Armin gets in full desperation-mode, saying they will be forever together. This is untrue, and I am not sure Armin fully realizes in the moment (how could he not, though?), because Eren will die in 4 years, Armin in 9. Besides the more pressing matter that the island can be attacked again, if Eren stops.

Lastly, “Don’t go any futher away from us than you already have”.

This is a sentiment that Armin shares with Mikasa, since all the way back to the Clash of the Titans Arc. At the time, they thought back on how Eren was always rushing forward, leaving them behind. Mikasa’s argument, in chapter 133, also touches on this. I said “argument”, but it’s more like a confession. The chapter is called Sinners for a reason, after all.

So yeah, Mikasa.

Amongst all the ineffective argument that were brought up, Mikasa’s words are the ones that took me aback the most, honestly. I am not sure if I am interpreting this right, but she sounds like she’s okay with falling to Eren’s level, as long as she can be with him. Nothing new here, but more specifically, the worst sins Eren has committed, for example killing innocents and children, which is what Mikasa focused her horrified shock on in Liberio, she is willing to do herself. That’s how you share a burden of sins, by taking part in committing them. And that’s what she acknowledges. What she wants. She says it quietly because she seems ashamed of that. Because she wanted to be like Eren, to stay close to Eren, and to share his sins, she killed and enabled Eren. So now that she has “committed the same sins”…? She has conquered a spot next to Eren? So he should stop and come back. This seems to be her line of reasoning. This is horrifying, I understand why she didn’t have the courage to yell it.

We know that Eren’s fear is that he may have enslaved her to his will, and whether he still believes it or he has just a few doubts left, seeing Mikasa admitting to something like this, must have reminded Eren of exactly why he wants Mikasa to be separated from him. ‘Cause this isn’t healthy.

Eren surely can’t feel any better by knowing Mikasa had followed that logic - maybe unconsciously. If he tried to be firm and cruel once to get her to “abandon” him, it can only get worse.

The second part of Mikasa’s little speech isn’t any better, as far as situational context goes.

In the text, Mikasa has embodied the concept of family in regards to Eren, just as much as Armin instead embodied their childhood dream of freedom.

And sure enough, Mikasa repeats what she told Eren in Liberio: “Please come back (home)”. Well, at least the Japanese version is the same, lol.

It is (still) her wish (it seems like nothing has changed in 30 chapters). But other than that, it brings up memories of Liberio, and of Mikasa’s disappointment and pain for Eren’s actions. The fact that Mikasa is willing to forgive (or better, accept) everything just because it’s Eren, may make Eren feel like she’s still not free from his influence. He may be feeling as if he brought her to accept killing innocents as something that can be partially overlooked…And I doubt it is what he wanted.

Besides, it seems that the story wants Mikasa to learn to let go as well. If Mikasa has kept on trying to keep Eren close, and it’s now become even as explicit as saying, literally, “come back home”, that “itterasshai” at the beginning of the manga counters this need and seems to imply Mikasa (who I suppose is the girl saying that) will learn to let Eren free to “go far away from her”.

“Itterasshai”, in Japanese, is a wish for someone to be safe on their journey, whenever they go out, with the expectation that they will come back. Mikasa is soflty smiling, meaning that she is okay with Eren “going out and away”. Meanwhile, the Mikasa who costantly repeats that she wants Eren to come back, to stay close, is a Mikasa who suffers and cries.

And finally, Levi. What a lacklustre moment.

It feels like Levi believes no word can sway Eren (he isn’t wrong, but still…).

Levi has never been averse to “talking it out”. He has always mostly resorted to talking, before anything else, when it counted. With minor characters such as Dimo Reeves, but mostly with regards to Eren: when the first Levi squad was about to attack Eren, Levi tried to talk them down; whenever Eren was in doubt or set on hating himself, Levi reasoned it out with him, with heartfelt little words that hit Eren’s core at the right angle. Even when Eren was out of his mind and high on adrenaline, fear and rage on the rooftop in Shiganshina, Levi opted to try and talk to him first.

The point is, he has always tried to understand Eren so that what he ended up saying, it would help the situation or resonate with Eren, or so he hoped.

This time, he doesn’t say anything of the sort. He merely admitted, in a very roundabout and lacklustre way, if not a bit too parodic for my tastes, what everyone else has said: that he would forgive Eren if he stopped now. Which isn’t bad, per se, but it’s not even close to what Levi used to be, or how he used to approach Eren.

Where Eren’s friends have missed out on what their words could achieve, potentially, due to a mix of not understanding Eren fully, and a concoction of feelings (panic, desperation, frustration) making them spout things that had no significant influence on Eren in that moment, Levi on the other hand didn’t even try this time, even though he has always done so before.

I am not sure if it’s because of Isayama’s total disinterest in Levi’s character as of late, or if it’s due to Levi himself not caring anymore - albeit it doesn’t seem the case, because he has kept on trying to find alternatives to killing Eren, so I don’t understand why he didn’t even try...

...unless he already knew it wouldn’t have worked out how Armin&Co wanted (and here I have conspiracy theories but let’s end it here lol).

Anyway, I hope this wasn’t too boring, I just felt like breaking down the scene a bit. Let me know what you thought of the various things the characters said in Paths, and if you agree with me, or if I am the only one who was disappointed by the scene, lol!

#snk 133 #shingeki no kyojin #snk spoilers #snk meta

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accioecho · 4 years ago

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Language subtleties and translation nuances - Part 1

@knight-of-tuxedo and @justhereforthepies recently did a post on translation differences between the English and French subtitles versions. Which led to a very interesting conversation with the two of them and @di-elle on how the show conveyed different meanings based on the way subtitles were written in each language.

My two cents under the cut ↓↓

Episode 2

So straight up from the beginning, Jung Tae Eul uses informal language (반말, banmal) when speaking to Lee Gon. This is corroborated through her body language and tone of voice, but from the English subtitles alone, you can’t really tell what level of formality she uses.

In the French subtitles however, they use the pronoun “vous” which is the formal way of referring to someone. Which is weird af. Why did they do that? I’m no translator so I’m sure they had their reasons, but using “vous” adds distance and doesn’t really convey the fact that Jung Tae Eul basically talks in a disrespectful way to a stranger. In Korean, it is usually quite rare for someone to use 반말 (informal language).

반말 (banmal) is reserved for childhood or very close friends of the same age, or couples (반말/banmal is not always disrespectful, it also conveys intimacy between two people.)

So the fact that she uses 반말 here adds emphasis and gives clues to her character and personality: headstrong, not intimidated, pissed and not impressed at all at this tall good looking stranger that just hugged her for no reason. These clues are completely disregarded in the French subtitles which straight up ignored the fact that she used an impolite way to express herself by choosing the pronoun “vous” in the translation.

(Moreover, they translated this sentence to “You know my rank?” -- instead of “How do you know my rank”, but I guess that’s a detail).

As for Lee Gon, he uses a very stiff way of expressing himself. Not using “honorifics” nor speaking in a “deferential” way. He uses a plain (kinda polite, but plain) speech level, as if he would address someone close or younger than him. Again, in normal settings, a stranger would not speak this way to the person they’ve just met. They would use honorifics.

Cut to the scene at the police station:

This is their first verbal sparring that made my heart flutter. Why?

- Tae Eul continues to use 반말 (again either very impolite or intimate. Given the context, it’s the former).

- Gon uses a neutral way of speaking but with nuances that tells the viewer he’s speaking down to someone.

- Seeing that Tae Eul uses 반말 (banmal), Gon asks: “Are we dropping the formalities?”

Here, the Netflix English translation says: “Will you keep talking down to me?”. But that ain’t right as LMH uses the verb “놓다” (nohta) which means letting go. So “dropping the formalities” would be, in my opinion, a more accurate translation.

- Tae Eul then interjects: “You’ve dropped / let go of the formalities since Gwanghamun.”

- To which Lee Gon replies: “내가 세살 오빠던데” (“Nae ga sae sal oppa deondae”) (legit fangirl moment). THIIIIIS. The inflection he uses, everything in his tone suggests he’s. making.a.point. Netflix translates this to: “I’m three years older than you.” which is meh because it doesn’t convey the true mood of Lee Gon.

Most of all, the translation is wrong, because if we want to be accurate in terms of his attitude and the words he actually uses, it would be:

“As I recall, I’m three years your Oppa [senior].”

He uses the word “oppa”.

He could’ve actually used the word “senior”, but he uses “oppa”. Why is that important? Because here, it implies in-ti-ma-cy. He uses “oppa” in the sense of what a girl would call her (older) boyfriend.

- Tae Eul finishes with “나는 외동이야” (”Na neun woedongiya”) (again, using very informal language). The subtitles says: “Does it matter right now?” but she actually says: “I’m an only child.” --> Tae Eul deliberately ignores Gon’s provocation and replies as if he was being literal. By replying “I’m an only child” she quips back and implies he’s not her Oppa. (Oppa also means��“older brother” to a younger sister).

See?

The tone, the verbal back and forth. It gives depth to KGE & LMH’s acting, and adds to the dynamic chemistry of their characters.

Watch the clip again (starting at 1:17) and see how it makes all the difference.

youtube

#the king eternal monarch #tkem #lee min ho #kim go eun #lee gon #jung tae eul #kdrama #korean #linguistics #LANGUAGE #man it's beautiful :')#ramblings

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stardustryewriting · 4 years ago

Text

Friends with Benefits never work (2)

Part 1: here

Also on Ao3: here

Please, we need to talk

Sanji had sent that message exactly ten minutes after Zoro had stormed out of his apartment. That was a month ago by now. After Zoro left the building with Sanji’s apartment in it, he ran straight home, locked himself into his apartment and didn’t leave it for two days. He even called in sick to work, sent Luffy to voicemail when he called and ignored Nami, when she had furiously banged on his door, demanding answers.

On the third day, he decided he can’t hide from everything forever, so he went to work, called back Luffy to apologize for being absent and sent one last text to Sanji, before blocking him.

There is nothing to talk about.

Nami had been on his doorstep fifteens minutes after the text was marked as read and had screamed more profanities than Zoro had ever heard in his entire life before. He blocked her out after the first ten minutes of screaming, let her get it out of her system and then told her he was very sorry she felt about it like that, before shutting the door in her face. That didn’t stop Nami though. Instead she just called him to complain about that, too. And then threatened him, that she would actually break his door down, if he had the nerve to block her, too. Zoro didn’t think Nami possessed the physical capabilities for that, but he wasn’t willing to test it.

So, he was missing the big group gatherings in order to avoid Sanji. He did have Luffy, Usopp and even Franky over for the occasional game night, Nami stood at his door trying to get answers out of him once a week and even Robin and Chopper came over once. Robin had invited herself to tea, but contrary to Zoro’s expectation, she hasn’t lost a word about him and Sanji, so he just let her. All in all, the only thing he hasn’t really seen in a while was the bar. And Sanji’s face.

It was manageable. He could live his life like that.

It surely was better than having Sanji, without really having Sanji, at least. The clear cut was good for him and Sanji would be able to move on. It would be easier for Sanji than it was for Zoro, because Sanji didn’t have nasty feelings to get rid of first.

It hurt to think about it like that.

„You know what I’m missing?“, Luffy asked, both hands on his controller, not looking away from the TV for a second. How he had the capacity to concentrate on their current match and think about something else entirely would always be a mystery to Zoro. And the cause of a headache for Usopp.

„Not now, we’re this close to winning“, Usopp answered pressed, as if he was in actual physical strain. Maybe he was, their opponents were decent enough. Nothing the four of them couldn’t manage, but better than the last ones they had, for sure. Zoro was surely enjoying the challenge and Luffy was too, if his giggles were anything to go by.

They did win, in the end but by a scratch, because Luffy started arguing with Usopp, that he could play a game and think about something else, just fine. Usopp never argued against that, just said that he himself couldn’t play and talk at once. Somehow Luffy thought this was funny, too.

„What are you missing?“, Franky asked, to get the two out of their argument and Zoro went to the fridge to get himself a new beer.

„Sanji’s food. Playing and eating Sanji’s food were always the best evenings“, Luffy proclaimed and Zoro almost lost his grip on his bottle. Good thing he was still in the kitchen or the others would have seen that.

„Are you stupid? You can just say this near Zoro“, Usopp whisper-yelled, probably hoping Zoro wouldn’t hear him. Too bad the walls in his apartment were paper-thin. So, Usopp knew. Then it was safe to assume that Franky and Brook knew, too. Damn Nami.

„Oh right“, Luffy spoke, sounding way more panicled than the situation called for, „I forgot. You think he heard us?“ There was his way out of this. If he just came back, pretending nothing had happened, he could avoid this entire uncomfortable situation. So, as a distraction he grabbed his phone and opened the Delivery app, before walking back into his living room.

„Hey guys, I’m a bit hungry, you wanna order something?“

As expected Luffy took it without a second thought. Usopp looked at him slightly skeptical before reluctantly agreeing and only Franky seemed to be really suspicious, but he didn’t say anything either. So they ordered their usual, way too big for four people order and Luffy basically inhaled half of the food himself. Usopp and Franky ate more like real people did, Zoro’s beer stash took a big hit and no one thought about mentioning Sanji again.

Only when they went to go home, did Franky stay behind to tell Zoro that it is okay, if he didn’t want to talk about it yet, but Franky knew for a fact, that his walls were thin enough to hear everything. Zoro deliberately did not invite Franky to the next game night.

Franky didn’t seem too mad about it.

„Is it Thursday already?“, Zoro asked, when he opened his apartment door to go to work and was instead greeted by Nami standing in front of it. Something which has become his normal routine on Thursdays in the past two months. Zoro could have sworn it was Tuesday though.

„It isn’t!“, Nami informed him, still sounding less than amused. How she managed to uphold her anger for so long was a mystery to Zoro. „Last Thursday you went to work earlier than usual. To avoid complications like that again, I’m visiting you at random times from now on.“ Which meant he couldn’t even prepare himself for Nami’s rants anymore. Just great!

„Don’t you have better things to do?“, Zoro questioned, because he could hardly believe that this thing that happened two months ago was important enough for Nami to change up her entire routine.

„I would yell at Sanji, if he was the one that made a mistake. But unfortunately you’re the only one to blame here. So I’m blaming you, as I should!“

And Zoro was barely withstanding the temptation to argue, that first of all, falling in love with Sanji wasn’t a mistake he made voluntarily and second of all, it was in the rules that anyone could end the relationship without having to give a reason. But arguing with Nami had never ended well for him. And according to past experiences it went worse the more aggravated she was. And Nami was very aggravated right now.

„You mean there is something you haven’t said already in the past two months?“, Zoro asked instead, making his way past Nami to get on his way to work. Nami however, wasn’t even irritated by that and just fell into step next to him. And pulled him into the right direction for his bus stop, muttering about how useless Zoro’s was with directions.

„There are a lot of things I haven’t said“, she insisted and Zoro did the usual thing of blocking her out, when it became apparent that she going into yet another rant. Hearing Nami blame him for basically everything that ever went wrong was always his favorite start into the day. How Vivi managed to handle Nami all the time was beyond Zoro. (It really wasn’t, it was the same way he handled all of Sanji’s shit. Because they were in love.)

„Zoro!“, Nami screamed next to him and alerted the entire bus stop to their conversation. Luckily enough at this time in the morning, there were only five people there. Those five people however were going to get to show of their lives, if Nami’s annoyed expression was anything to go off. Zoro really hated his life, sometimes.

„What, witch?“, he inquired, trying to keep his voice down. Too bad, Nami didn’t care about their audience.

„You weren’t listening to a word I just said, were you?“

„I tend not to listen, when you go into rants.“ That was the single worst thing he could have possibly said. He realized that too late. He should learn how to think, before he opened his mouth.

„You wanna tell me, that I tried to fix your relationship with Sanji for months and you don’t even listen to me! You’re the worst“, Nami screeched, jabbing her finger into Zoro’s chest accusingly, looking like she was thinking about just ending him there and then.

„There is no relationship to fix!“ He got mad now, too. Because Nami had the audacity to imply that she was doing something for Zoro, when all she did was annoying and harassing him. She might have his best interests at heart, but she had to know she was going too far.

„There could be if you weren’t so damn - you!“ Using ‚you‘ as an insult was something only Nami could do this effectively. She always had a very special way of pissing Zoro off and right now she was doing everything in her might to get it done.

„Goddammit Nami, get it trough your head. I don’t want a relationship. I want consistently good sex, some good conversation and someone to take the edge of life.“

„You just described a relationship, dumbass!“ And she had the nerve to look triumphantly like this single thing had won her the entire argument. It hadn’t, Zoro was willing to continue. Unfortunately his bus chose that exact moment to arrive, so instead of going all out, he had to be happy with just throwing another I do not want a relationship at her.

„Yes, you do“, Nami sang and he would have loved to answer her, but the doors fell shut, giving Nami the last word. He already hated that day.

When he got back home, he had way too many texts from Nami, all reading as some variation of Call Sanji. He ignored them all, opened himself a beer from his fridge instead and turned on the TV. Mostly for background noise, he hadn’t properly watched TV in years. But he couldn’t have the silence right now, because it got him thinking and thinking always eventually led to Sanji. Thinking about Sanji was bad.

Because Sanji was way too great, really. And Zoro was a good-for-nothing.

Sanji was great. Getting trough what he got through in his childhood and making it out okay wasn’t easy. Not only did he make it out okay, he somehow saw all the worst things the world could throw at a child and instead of turning resentful, bitter or hateful, he became kind. He was always first to help people, he fed even strangers when they needed it and he did it with a smile.

And that was one kind of a smile. It lit up his whole face, without splitting it in two like Luffy’s tended to. It made Sanji really look like the sun. Sometimes, Zoro thought, he would be blinded if he looked for too long but at the same time he couldn’t seem to look away. Sanji was something to behold.

Zoro’s smiles were never that bright, he always looked like he smirked. Arrogant, someone even described it as cold once. Nothing to behold, nothing that would be hard to turn away from. Just same old Zoro. Nothing special.

Sanji also always managed to make himself useful, wherever he went. He brought food, or offered to cook, he helped to plan and execute events, kept an eye on everything going smoothly and then stayed afterwards to help clean up. He made the entire wedding cake for Robin’s wedding from scratch even refused to have her buy any ingredients. Zoro just showed up. Robin had actually seemed surprised that he wasn’t black-out drunk by nightfall.

Sanji was always so meticulous about his work tools, his knives and pots and whatnots. (Zoro had said something vaguely bad about it once, and Sanji had never talked about it to him again.) He loved his job, did it with a passion, he had ambitions. Zoro loved sword-fighting too and he would one day defeat the current champion, but it just wasn’t the same. Sanji wanted to feed people, Zoro wanted to be the very best swordsman. It was hard to compare those two.

Also Sanji always took such good care of himself. Zoro knew Sanji smelt like ocean salt and smoke, a very unique combination that was entirely Sanji’s own. When he came fresh out of the shower, the smell of lemons lingered in his hair. It made Zoro go wild. There were no marks on his body - not even the stupid little scars everyone had - his skin was like porcelain despite his childhood. Zoro knew it was soft to the touch, with many firm, defined muscles despite Sanji’s lean figure. By far the best thing were Sanji’s hands tho. They were soft like the rest of his body and if Zoro concentrated he could still feel them ghosting over his body, mapping it out carefully. God he had loved Sanji’s gentle touch.

In comparison, everything about Zoro was rough. He had more scars than he bothered to keep count of, both because he was constantly around swords and because he had been an especially stupid child. His skin wasn’t soft, he always had some bumps or bruises from training. His muscles were defined too, but they were big, making Zoro’s entire frame big. He was once described as intimidating. (That same person had described Sanji as friendly and approachable.) His hands definitely weren’t soft. They were rough, with many callouses, that came from holding swords regularly since he’d been ten. He even smelled like sweat, most of the time.

He could see why someone - why Sanji - saw him as a good lay and nothing else.

Saturday morning, way too early on his free day, someone rang his doorbell. Very consistently. Probably Nami, Zoro thought and was still trying to get his sleepy brain to remember how to put the damn thing out, when said person started knocking on his door in addition to ringing the bell. So, no more sleep for him then.

He opened the door forcefully, fully prepared to give Nami a real piece of his mind for harassing him this early on a Saturday. He wished he would’ve never left the bed, when he saw Sanji, instead on Nami. Even though Sanji seemed about as angry as Nami usually was, not that that was of any help for Zoro.

„You’re an Asshole“, Sanji snapped at him, storming by him, to let himself into Zoro’s apartment. Zoro looked after him, helpless to do much else.

„You are the absolute worst!“, Sanji roared again, standing in the middle of Zoro’s living room. Zoro slowly closed his door and made his way towards Sanji.

„You want something to drink?“, he asked instead of reacting to Sanji’s accusations. Big mistake.

„The audacity! You avoid me for months and you don’t think you owe me an explanation!“

„I don’t?“, Zoro had wanted to state, but it came out more like a question. It riled Sanji up regardless.

„Do you know how long we’ve been doing this for? A year, Zoro. I sacrificed a whole goddamn year of my time and you decide to waste it without giving me a reason for that. I don’t even care if its a good reason anymore, but you owe me some kind of explanation.“

„The rules - your rules, said I don’t. We don’t owe each other shit“, he reminded Sanji, because honestly, Sanji could be mad about Zoro’s abrupt leave and blocking him and everything else if he wanted. But he didn’t get to be mad about Zoro sticking to the damn rules, like he insisted for weeks.

„Who even cares about rules at this stage? You wanna tell me you obeyed all the others?“

„I did“, Zoro lied easily, because lying about his feelings for Sanji was something he’d done for ages. It came naturally by now. Sanji however seemed shocked into silence, before his face fell and he lost the tension in his shoulders. He just seemed to fall into himself. Like the only thing holding him upright was anger and now that it was gone, he threatened to just fall over.

„There is someone else, right?“ No there wasn’t. There never has been and at this rate there never will be. But Zoro didn’t know how to express that, so he stayed silent. Sanji drew his own conclusion from that.

„I’m sorry for bothering you then.“ And with that Sanji vanished again, out of the apartment and out of Zoro’s life.

Nami came to visit him with a furiousity, Zoro had seen way too often in the past months. She abandoned it completely, when he opened the door with watery eyes.

„You need to talk with Sanji“, she said a few days later over coffee, „really talk. Not one of you dominating the conversation and the other barely getting a word in.“

„What makes you think he’ll talk to me again?“, Zoro asked, skeptical, stirring his coffee for the tenth time now.

„Leave it to me“, Nami offered, being more helpful, now that she abandoned the idea of screaming at him for everything he did and didn’t do. „I know how to get him to you. You just make sure you know what to say, when he’s there.“

So, Zoro got the hard part again.

„To be absolutely clear, I’m only here because Nami insisted I came“, Sanji said, instead of a greeting or maybe it was supposed to be his form of a greeting. Zoro’s nerves were way too tense, to focus on what Sanji might or might not mean. He just wanted to get this over with.

„I want to talk to you. Really talk. And if you still want to hate me afterwards, you may“, Zoro answered without bothering to respond to anything Sanji said before. He just needed to keep focus on his goal here, and then everything would be alright. (Or it wouldn’t but he would have tried and that was all that counted.)

„First, I am sorry for running that night. I should have listened to you. You wanna tell me what you wanted to tell me back then?“

„It doesn’t matter anymore“, Sanji spat, looking defiantly at Zoro and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Great, Zoro thought, this was already a less than ideal start.

„Okay, second. I didn’t end this thing, because there was someone else. There wasn’t, never has been. I had a good reason to end our arrangement but that wasn’t it.“

„I’m supposed to believe that?“, Sanji asked incredulous, giving Zoro a look that told him just how ridiculous Sanji thought he was right now. Why could the guy just not take things at face value?

„I am in love with someone“, Zoro admitted, for the sake of keeping Sanji there until he was finished, „but it wouldn’t lead to anything, anyway. So there is really no reason to end everything just because of that.“

„You’ve tried telling them?“, Sanji implored and really Zoro hated that Sanji decided to focus on this and not on the more important matter. What did Sanji care if Zoro was in love, and if it was unrequited?

„No, I didn’t. Didn’t have to. He’s some really great guy, who deserves the world and I’m just -.“ He gestured vaguely at himself, hoping Sanji would understand what he tried to tell him. Sanji raised an eyebrow at that explanation, but stayed quiet otherwise.

„Anything else?“, Sanji asked impatient and Zoro tried to cram his head for something, anything to say. The only thing remaining was to tell Sanji about his feelings. At least that was the only thing that would probably get Sanji to stay and listen a little longer. Or it would drive him away permanently. This could go two ways, really.

Apparently, his decision took too long, so Sanji decided to speak instead: „Figures. Here’s the verdict: I hate you.“ And with that he turned his back towards Zoro, making his way back to the door, and Zoro knew he had lost him forever. There was no going back to what they were before.

„I know, but I love you and I can’t stop it no matter how hard I try“, Zoro said, because this whole thing was going up in flames anyway, so he might as well make sure nothing but ashes remained. Maybe it made a new start easier, if he knew none of the old things were save-able. And if Sanji wanted to vanish from his life for good, he should at least know the truth.

„This whole friends with benefits thing was doomed from start. I broke rule 1 before you even put it in place. I’m sorry for pulling you into this.“

„Not your fault. I let myself be pulled“, Sanji answered getting close to Zoro again before continuing, „maybe rule 1 was the most useless out of the bunch. You never obeyed it, and I failed it after barely a month, too. The only thing it managed to do, was tear us apart in the end.“

There was so much there to take in, things that would have to be discussed, but Zoro didn’t care. Because Sanji’s lips were on his again, finally, and his tongue did explore Zoro’s mouth like it was the first time again. He did this thing, were he pulled Zoro’s lower lip between his teeth and then bit lightly and Zoro was in heaven. He wanted to see Sanji naked again, he needed Sanji everywhere around him and on top of him, and he never ever wanted Sanji to leave again.

Sanji seemed to have the same things in mind

#zosan #zoro #roronoa zoro #op zoro #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #i hate tagging sanji as a vinsmoke

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dragonswithjetpacks · 4 years ago

Text

Beautiful War

-dragonswithjetpacks

Chapter Six: Appealing to Val Reous

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Read here on Ao3

The sun was just setting behind the city of Val Royeaux when they caught its glory at the top of a small hill. Agreeing that approaching the gate at dawn would be a better idea, the group made a small camp while enjoying the view. Orlais was particularly green this time of year. The ladies in the city would be wearing pastels and flowers. Not to mention, showing as much of their breasts as they possibly could get away with. It made Claira smile. She was never found of fashion. But the springtime cakes they made were always so delightful. Though their smell was more satisfying than the taste.

"You've been quiet," Varric implied as they rest.

"I'm always quiet," Claira disagreed.

"It's been an unsettling type of quiet."

"I didn't realize there were different types of quiet," she shaved off a piece of meat roasting over their fire.

"You keep looking at the city. And heaving that big sigh of yours."

"I'm finding it odd that you watch me enough to notice I have a particular sigh," she chuckled to herself before she took a bite of her meal.

"People who are easy to read are always fun to watch."

"I'm not that fun to watch," she said between bites.

"Normally you aren't," he propped his elbow atop his knee. "But you got this particular look growing on your face the closer we get to the city."

"Because I never thought I'd be going back to Orlais," she shrugged. "Let alone Val Royeaux."

"You've been to Val Royeaux before?" Cassandra was suddenly interested.

"My mother is Orlesian, so we visited on a few occasions. But I've lived in Val Royeaux. Twice in what I might consider my adulthood."

"Ah, yes, Lady Helena was from a smaller lesser known nobility," the Seeker recalled.

Claira had not spoken of her mother in so long that it was almost off-putting to hear her name. They had not made contact in some time. And the most recent letter she received was about Jordan's missing persons. There were never any pleasantries with Helena; it was always demanding and berating. The woman needed complete control.

"She hates coming here," Claira added. "I'd like to think it is because it reminds her of how fake she truly is."

"Then it must bring you bad memories," Cassandra empathized.

"Quite the opposite," Claira smiled, looking out longingly to the city. "Orlais was the beginning of my freedom."

"Do go on," Solas joined the fire at last. "I'm sure we've all been waiting for a glimpse of your youth."

"You've been locked up pretty tight, Herald," Varric agreed. "I think it's your turn for storytime."

Claira turned back to her party, all of them watching and waiting with bright eyes. It was the first time she was able to share any sort of personal information regarding herself. On the other hand, she had gotten to know them quite well, even considered them friends. Indeed, being back in Orlais brought up memories, both good and bad. As a child, she never had a chance to speak without being shut down. And as an adult, she realized that she had shut herself down as a defense. But here, in a place that had sparked her new beginning with the people she had learned to trust, she felt safe.

"I was sent to a girl's school when I was young. Around the age of fifteen."

"That late?" Cassandra seemed surprised. "And so far away?"

"I was not a compliant child," Claira laughed. "I had many house mistresses that found me unreasonable. Eventually, I was sent to Starkhaven. But the headmistress stated she couldn't help, either. Even as my wild side was gradually tamed, I was still clumsy, homely, and awkward. It didn't matter how polite or intelligent I was... I was considered a lost cause."

"How absurd," Solas appeared disgusted.

"I was sent to Orlais in hopes I would return a lady. But because of my age, the teachers were harder on me. It was almost torture. Most of them were cruel. But they allowed me to study in peace if it meant not having to deal with me. And the books in Orlais were incredible. I could have been a scholar with all the time I spent in that library."

"Why didn't they just transfer you?" Cassandra inquired.

"My mother was spending a good amount of my father's fortune making sure I didn't come back home until I was guaranteed a husband. I think eventually their goal was to find a nobleman not necessarily suitable for me, but willing to settle. I was never interested in marriage, though. I was set on becoming a warrior at a young age. So I left the school."

"By left, you mean snuck out?" Varric questioned.

"Snuck out would be putting it lightly," Claira laughed. "I planned for weeks to get out of that place. And when I did, I ran until I couldn't see the city anymore. I found a place to lay low. And that's when I met my mentor."

The party was quiet, listening to the campfire crack as she paused.

"Most have just assumed I was a typical Trevelyan Free Marcher. But I was never part of that life or the Chantry. I was never even given the option to become a Sister. Looking back, that's probably what I should have done when I left the school. Instead, I left with a strange man who told me I could achieve my dreams of becoming a warrior. It was stupid of me to trust him. But I'm glad I did. I trained under him for many years while traveling. He brought me back to Val Royeaux to the Academie in hopes I could be knighted, allowing me to live a life I had truly wanted."

"I should have known," Cassandra shook her head. "I imagined with the reputation of the Trevelyans that you were just a natural fighter. But there's no mistaking your stance is Orlesian. I always meant to ask."

"So that means all those nobles from Orlais that come by speaking their language and talking with that snooty tone... you can understand them?" Varric asked.

"Oui," Claira smirked. "Chaque mot. Every single word."

Varric let out a loud burst of laughter.

"This would have been useful information," Cassandra was still in shock.

"I didn't want to ruin the surprise," she shook her head. "Besides, if Josephine knew, she'd have me speak to the nobles more often."

"Isn't she giving you lessons?" Cassandra pressed.

Again, Varric rolled over in a fit of laughter as Claira half shrugged, half nodded. Solas remained silent, although very much enjoying the conversation in itself. And no one stopped Claria from speaking about her adventures in Orlais from that point. They only interrupted her to ask questions, much to her liking. It was the first time she had spoken about it to anyone, not that it was a secret. The more she told of her rebellious childhood and the harsh ways of her mother, the more she realized how much mental abuse she had been through. She couldn't imagine being that cruel to anyone.

************************************************

The gates into Val Royeaux were surprisingly empty. Claira remembered merchants and travelers flooded the archway into the city. Peddlers and pickpockets loved the area, as many people stopped to linger there to admire the stone masonry. Now, only a few people were scattered through the walkway. Claira was not the only one who noticed the lack of others.

"The city still mourns," Cassandra observed.

A couple who had been speaking quietly amongst each other passed by them innocently. However, once they caught sight of Claira, their jaws dropped and their eyes widened behind their mask. They took off in a slight run toward the open gate without daring to glance back.

"Just a guess, Seeker, but I think they all know who we are," Varric jested.

"Your skills of observation never fail to impress me Varric," she retorted.

"My Lady Herald!" a scout greeted them from the city.

"You’re one of Leliana’s people. What have you found?" Cassandra questioned without hesitation.

"The Chantry mothers await you, but… so do a great many templars."

"There are templars here?"

Claira felt her chest grow tight. The intention was to meet with the Chantry, not the templars. They would have eventually attempted an audience with them, but this was too soon. She was unprepared. They continued walking through the entrance as they were informed of the current situation.

"People seem to think the templars will protect them from…" he faltered."...from the Inquisition. They’re gathering on the other side of the market. I think that’s where the templars intend to meet you," the scout continued.

"They wish to protect the people? From us?" the Seeker was still confused.

"We expected this," Claira stated.

"From the Chantry, yes. But I didn't expect the templars to make an appearance."

"The people may just be assuming what the tempalrs will do. I've heard of no concrete plans," the scout confirmed.

"Do you think the Order’s returned to the fold, maybe? To deal with us upstarts?" Varric added his sense to things.

"I know Lord Seeker Lucius," Cassandra explained. "I can’t imagine him coming to the Chantry’s defense, not after all that’s occurred."

"We’re doing all this to get help with the breach. Maybe this is our chance to get the templars on our side," Claira attempted to remain optimistic.

"Perhaps..." Cassandra wasn't convinced. "Return to Haven. Someone will need to inform them if we are… delayed."

"As you say, my lady," he placed a fist over his chest and trotted off to exit the gates.

As they progressed through the walkway, a group of guards began to observe them. They were not quiet about their conversation and there were hints of the Inquisition harboring murderers. It appeared the city was relying on the templars to protect them from their heresy the Chantry was spreading any misinformation they could. It was horrible timing, she had to admit. And it was going to be difficult to proposition both sides while they were standing next to each other. It wouldn't be as simple as uniting under one cause. This was going to be a political battle.

"Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me!"

Mother Hevara, one of the Chantry members who was supposed to be greeting the Inquisition shouted on a stage in the center of the market as they approached. Standing next to her were two other sisters. And in front, a wall of templar guards. Many of the citizens had gathered before her. Claira recognized a trap when she saw one. Even if it had no teeth.

"Together, we mourn our Divine. Her naive and beautiful heart silenced by treachery! You wonder what will become of her murderer. Well, wonder no more! Behold, the so-called Herald of Andraste! Claiming to rise where our beloved fell. We say this is a false prophet! No servant of anything beyond her selfish greed," the sister preached.

The crowd of people parted as they passed. The plan was to antagonize The Herald to the point of attack. With as many people surrounded her to witness the savagery, the trial would be quick. But Claira was smarter than that. It was almost insulting how stupid they assumed she would be. If they wanted to cause a scene, she would most certainly give them one. Claira was aware of how Orlais truly operated.

"We came to you in peace, only to talk," she spoke loudly, but calmly. "But this is what you choose instead? I implore you: Let us sit down together, to deal with the real threat!"

She turned to the common people who were too intimidated to move, looking many of them in the eyes. They gazed upon her as if she were a mythical being of wonder. It was a mixture of both awe and fear. Claira seized that moment and bolstered her voice.

"Do you know everything the Maker commands? Look up in the sky! I alone survived the Breach ... and I can end it!"

"And this is how you gain favor with Orlesians... with who can put on a bigger show..." Varric muttered under his breath.

"It appears to be working," Solas whispered back.

"It’s true! The Inquisition seeks only to end this madness before it is too late!" the Seeker added, looking to the templars for a reaction.

"It is already too late!" Mother Hevara pointed to the templars who were now taking the stage. "The templars have returned to the Chantry! They will face this Inquisition and the people will be safe once more!"

Claira was not prepared for her next act. However, the scene was ended abruptly when a templar approached Mother Hevara. It appeared as though he was going to escort her off stage. Though, she was quite wrong. Instead, he struck the Chantry Mother across the face, sending her to the hard stage floor. She cried out, but no one moved to help her. A templar hesitated, only to be held back as Lord Seeker Lucius entered the stage.

"Still yourself. She is beneath us."

The templar looked unsure but still did nothing. Claira moved forward, but Cassandra quickly grabbed her by the arm. Something seemed very wrong, but there was not enough time to act upon it. There was not enough information to pick a side.

"What's the meaning of this?" she questioned instead.

"Her claim to authority is an insult. Much like your own," he looked down on her.

"So you're here to deal with the Inquisition?"

"As if there were any reason to."

His ambiguity made Claira's skin boil. Cassandra tightened her grip.

"Lord Seeker Lucius, it's imperative that we speak with-"

"You will not address me," he interrupted his fellow Seeker.

He motioned to the templars and they began to shift as he walked away. Cassandra was taken aback. Her grip loosened on Claira's arm. They exchanged glances at one another, both suddenly very concerned. It was a far reach, but Claira began to hope this was some sort of play they stumbled into.

"Lord Seeker?" Cassandra was still confused.

Lucius stopped, clearly agitated. Looking into his dull eyes made his presence even more heavy and dark. This was not the man her cousins had described, nor the reasonable person Cassandra claimed him to be. Months ago, when Claira was traveling to the Temple with her cousins, she remembered hearing them discuss the discontinuing of the Nevarran Accords. Lucius inherited the role and ideas of his predecessor, but it was commonly accepted that he was more than willing to compromise.

"Creating a heretical movement, raising a puppet as Andraste’s prophet," he finally confronted them. "You should be ashamed. You should all be ashamed! The templars failed no one when they left the Chantry to purge the mages! You are the ones who failed! You who’d leash our righteous swords with doubt and fear! If you came to appeal to the Chantry, you are too late. The only destiny here that demands respect is mine."

The words were far more dangerous than any threat he could have given. Lucius was now a tyrannical man with a lust for power. He wanted recognition, for whatever reason. Which was fine on its own. However, he wanted to destroy his adversaries so that he may rise from their downfall. The Chantry, the mages, the Inquisition; they were all beneath him.

"If you’re not here to help the Chantry, then you just came to make speeches?" Claira retaliated.

"I came to see what frightens old women so, and to laugh," his voice lowered, making it all the more unsettling.

"You openly refuse the Herald?"

"You have nothing. No influence, no power, and certainly no holy purpose."

His assumptions burned at her like a hot iron. It left marks that made her clench her fists in rage. There was nothing she could do. She could say no more. She could not lash out. She could not even move without risking her good nature. This was not how she intended their meeting to be. She felt like a child once again being beaten by her mother. She felt helpless.

"But Lord Seeker…" the hesitant templar spoke ."What if she was truly sent by the Maker? What if—?"

A higher-ranked office stepped between the templar and the Lord Seeker. "You are called to a higher purpose! Do not question!"

"I will make the Templar Order a power that stands alone against the void," Lucius drew attention from the crowd. "We deserve recognition. Independence! You have shown me nothing, and the Inquisition… less than nothing."

The Lord Seeker made a point to look fiercely at Claira as if it would weaken her soul. Something was reaching for her behind that stare. But it was not enough to break her. It only added more fuel to her flame. She prayed there would be a time they would cross paths again without any spectators.

"Templars! Val Royeaux is unworthy of our protection! We march!"

The market was still, all but the sound of clanking armor as the templars left Val Royeaux. It wasn't just the Inquisition left stunned, it was quite literally everyone who had witnessed the horrifying affair. As the sound of their marching fainted, whispers began to rise from the people.

"Charming fellow, isn’t he," Varric was the first to break their silence.

"Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?" Cassandra almost shouted in frustration.

"I thought you knew the Lord Seeker?" Claira turned to her, almost angry at the information she had been fed.

"He took over the Seekers of Truth nearly a year ago, after Lord Seeker Lambert’s death. He was always a decent man, never given to grandstanding. This is very bizarre."

"It doesn't look like he can be reasoned with."

"There must be those in the Order who see what he’s become."

"We can investigate once we return to Haven," Claira assured. "We still have the matter of the Chantry."

Mother Hevara was nearly forgotten. After the templars openly denounced the Chantry in front of everyone, no one bothered to help her off the stage. They only stared, whispering to one another and spreading the rumors even further. But now that Claira was able to get to her without being barred, she was at her side. The Sisters stepped back, still feeling threatened by the Inquisition. Despite the vile glare the Mother gave her, Claira assisted her onto her feet with gentle hands.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Hardly," the Mother replied roughly. "This victory must please you greatly, Seeker Cassandra."

"We came here seeking only to speak with The Mothers. This is not our doing, but yours," Cassandra replied.

"And you had no part in forcing our hand? Do not delude yourself," the Mother's fight had returned. "Now, we have been shown up by our own templars in front of everyone. And my fellow clerics have scattered into the wind, along with their convictions."

"I understand the hardships the Chantry has faced," Claira spoke. "But you'll find no pity here."

"Just..." the Mother sighed. "Tell me one thing: Do you truly believe you are the Maker's Chosen?"

"Whether by the Maker himself or by fate, yes, I believe I was chosen."

"I suppose it is out of our hands, now. We shall see what the Maker plans in the days to come."

"Take care, Mother Hevara," Claira gave a slight nod.

The Mother nodded back, only out of common courtesy. Claira could feel her death stare watching her back as she left the stage. She made her way through the market, Cassandra and others following close behind.

"Well, at least we've been able to calm one side of the three-headed beast," Claira sighed.

"For now," Cassandra replied. "The other clerics are another matter. Either way, we should return to Haven and inform the others."

Claira opened her mouth in response, but the familiar sound of a blade cutting through the air caught her attention. he held her hand out just in time as a whistling sound brushed by her ear. An arrow from a balcony above shot straight into a small spot where the dirt was showing through the stone. There was a letter tied to it with a single red ribbon. It looked like one of the ribbons used for the Inquisition's missives. The party looked upward but saw no one.

"Not just yet," Claira grinned. "It looks like there are others to appeal to in Val Reouyx."

#beautiful war #cullen #cullen rutherford #cullen x trevelyan #cullen x inquisitor #cullen x not a mage #slow burn #rivals to lovers

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spookyc · 4 years ago

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*spoilers for heathers the musical and danganronpa 2 goodbye despair*

*tw for mentions of death and suicide*

Okay so I know it's been a minute since I've posted anything substantial so here's this:

I've got an heather's au for dr 2 that id like to share. Its not a completely fleshed out one but I have a good idea of most of the main characters in the story. So the easy choice would just be to make hajime, veronica, and make nagito, JD. Especially nagito for jd with the whole, well, bomb thing as well as them both being mentally unstable and having rough childhoods. Hajime fits the role of veronica because, like veronica, he wants to fit in and not be ostracized constantly. More specifically though, it would help him become confident, which is literally his whole arc in the second game. The heathers and the rest could then be determined by a lot of different characters and so on and so forth. I respect this interpretation and it does make a lot of sense, however, I would like to propose my own interpretation.

Let's start with the two main characters, veronica and jd. So for my au, I have decided that fuyuhiko will be veronica and peko will be jd. Let's start with my choice for jd. So, after my binge of the second game's playthrough, I remember that one night I was listening to heathers, specifically the song, our love is god. And as I listened I realized how similar peko and jd actually are. Now to preface, I'm not saying jd and peko are the same character, jd attempted to bomb an entire school and peko simply made the calculated decision to kill in order for fuyuhiko's safety to be assured.

What i am saying though, is that jd and peko's thought processes are very similar, and if peko was just a tad more unhinged, they would be hard to distinguish. How are they similar? Well, first you have the whole, "I worship you" mentality. Now, peko doesn't necessarily kiss the earth that fuyuhiko walks upon but this could be connected more to their actual relationship. That of a master and his servant. I servant must serve, much like a believer would to a god.

And right after that line jd says, "Id give my life for yours." Which peko literally does in the canon story, she gives her life in order to save fuyuhiko, and even protects him with her body in her own execution. Secondly, they both are delinquents, or socially awkward. They are both standoffish and seen as intimidating by others, and they both don't exactly know how to communicate well. Thirdly, they have somewhat similar backgrounds. Jd lost his mother, and peko is an orphan, they both know what its like to not live with parents, or at least not favorable parents. For example, peko had to constantly interfere with mr. and mrs. kuzuryu fighting to insure fuyuhiko's safety. And jd and his father have a tenuous relationship, with jd's father mostly being a near non-present force in his life. Additionally, im sure the leaders of a yakuza clan weren't exactly doting parents.

And lastly, their mutual feelings of self worth, or more so, the lack of it. Both jd and peko believe their lives to be meaningless without the existence of their veronicas. The only good things in their lives are their veronicas, and they would do anything to hold onto that happiness, even if it resulted in their deaths. But enough about jd and peko, what about fuyuhiko? This may seem like an odd choice and solely made on the prospect that jd is peko, but that isn't exactly the case.

While yes it seems unlikely that fuyuhiko would bother himself with the heathers, or even have a martha, i think it fits more as a visual metaphor of his character growth shown in the game. Its just that in this au, he's a popular dick that learns to be a better person after his gf dies, which is almost what happens in the actual game, minus the popular part. But mostly I'd like to tie in fuyuhiko's role as veronica when it comes to jd. This is where the similarities really start to shine. This is shown mainly in the song, seventeen, where veronica yearns for a normal relationship and to just be normal kids that aren't surrounded by murder. Sound familiar? Well it should, that's literally fuyuhiko's whole speech near the end of chapter 2.

I doubt this needs repeating since this scene is the equivalent of the g note in the dr fandom but for the sake of the argument I will go on. Fuyuhiko in his parting words says this, "You didn't need to be a tool, you just needed to be yourself." And, "I never wanted a tool, I just wanted you....Only you." Which is him saying, "Peko I don't what you to serve me, I don't want this kind of relationship. I just want you to be yourself, and I wanted you for you, not to be a tool for murder." Which could then easily be implied that he doesn't want to murder anyone anymore. This is a near exact mirror of the feelings expressed by veronica in seventeen.

Sure im probably looking into things a bit, but still fuyuhiko's speech near the end of ch. 2 and veronica's feelings in seventeen share a lot of similarities. Both veronica and fuyuhiko simply want to have a normal relationship with their respective partners, but this ultimately fails because their partners worshiped them and this fatal misunderstanding would lead to their deaths. As for the others, I don't have nearly as deep anlaysises of them and I don't have all the characters but I'll briefly discuss my choices for the heathers, kurt, ram, and martha. Also, this is purely in the universe of dr 2, so possible better choices for characters in other games would not be possible in my au.

So heather chandler is the ultimate imposter, this was a pretty obvious choice, while the UI isn't quite as big of a dick as byakuya he's still a jerk, but more importantly, just like in the game, he is a great leader for the heathers and without him the other two descend into chaos. Now this pick is gonna be a strange one but I will explain. I chose mikan to be heather duke. Now I know yall may find that to be an unfitting choice but I personally chose mikan to be heather duke mainly for the shine a light reprise. This is because I chose heather mcnamara to be hiyoko.

Most of the other girls also didn't fit this role, akane would be hard to see as any of heathers and I also think she's far too carefree to urge someone to commit suicide. Ibuki is completely out of the question, and considering how her death looked in the game it would be quite ironic as well. Chiaki also wouldn't make sense for obvious reasons. Mahiru also would obviously not make sense either and she's already a choice for another character anyway. And lastly, sonia wouldn't fit either. I could see her having a secret nasty side but I dont think she would tell someone to commit suicide and she also was always kind to hiyoko even when hiyoko lashed out at others.

And just to cover my bases, I don't think any of the boys would fit either. Maybe kazuichi or nagito but kazuichi is too much of a pussy and nagito would be more likely to say that stuff about himself rather than direct towards anyone else. Heck I could also even consider that after the ultimate imposter dies that's when mikan reverts back to her personality as the ultimate despair, so instead of her reverting because of some disease it would be at the death of her "friend" and the role of leader getting into her head. This would then influence her to tell hiyoko to commit suicide, causing peak despair and blah blah whatever. Hiyoko as heather mcnamara was a pretty easy choice thanks to lifeboat, it also especially fits if you consider hiyoko's backstory. She's the sole daughter of the saionji family, which is a very prestigious family in dr. This along with her talent as a dancer means that she is held to a much higher standard than other kids of her age and that she goes through constant pressure each day due to this standard.

"If I say the wrong thing, or i wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side." This is what hiyoko has to deal with on a daily basis from her family as well as her fans. She also could likely be projecting this fear onto the other students. Alright, last three. For kurt and ram, I chose mahiru and sato and if you want my honest opinion it's literally just because peko gets to kill them both in our love is god and that's pretty much canon in the actual game. I say pretty much because, technically fuyuhiko is the one that kills sato but this is an au and that's honestly a pretty minor fix.

Lastly, I haven't thought a lot about martha's role in this au, but if I had to choose it would most likely be kazuichi, he fits as the social outcast and especially as the frequent punching bag for the heathers, especially considering that hiyoko is among their ranks. And that's about it for my dr heather's au! This post definitely went on longer than I intended but I had fun with it and I think you guys deserve a lengthier post since I haven't made as many actual posts besides birthdays in a hot minute. Let me know what yall think of this, and if you'd like to hear me infodump about more of my dr aus or thoughts than I would be happy to oblige.

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common-blackbird · 4 years ago

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it’s time... for a dragon age 2 playthrough post. scroll on!

The things i loved most:

1) the frame of the game - Cassandra interrogating Varric.

What a great way to get hook the player. Like, the opening of guards dragging this poor dwarf with cuts of the title, and then Cassandra demanding answers... Whoaaa! I have no idea if that’s usually done in games or not, but it’s definitely such an amazing intro with characters introducing themselves as well as the story so perfectly, it captivates instantly. The tutorial has a charm to it bc varric is messing around. Which serves to show more of his character. Cassandra’s personality was pretty much blank here but her presence is so powerful. Something happened, something huge and they know and i was about to find out. I can’t describe how excited that intro made me feel. Each time the scene cut to the interrogation scenes, my eyes were glued more than ever. Just GREAT.

Also it makes for a very convenient scapegoat for every plothole ever with the argument “it’s just his version of the story”.

2) The story.

It’s tragic. It’s amazing! The further you play, the more you can see that no matter what you do, everything leads to a disaster. Hawke doesn’t want to take sides, tries to mediate, does not want to get involved, but just can’t stop it. For every thing gained, Hawke loses two more. Your friends come with packages that get you involved in terrible stuff. Your good intentions result in disasters. The whole game you spent time climbing the social ladder not only to reach the top hauntingly alone after losing all of your family, but also losing even that empty title and watching as the city you started to find your place in fall apart in blood. UGH! GAH! FEELS!

3) Kirkwall.

“ But, I beg you my dear readers, never forget that, no matter the subject of any story that might ever be explored between the cliffs of Kirkwall, She will find a way to steal the thunder of the protagonist. Or become the antagonist. Kirkwall is never a mere background. We could even understand it so: the challenge for you dear readers is to prevail against the smokescreens and observe to what extent our characters are players or played by the merciless black souled stone giant. Enjoy playing the dare of the ages between the lines of these humble memoirs. “

Memoirs from the Downfall - Act I. Mirage by Pfefferminze on ao3 (fic rec!)

This paragraph summs up what Kirkwall is better than I ever could. This shrouded mystery that surrounds Kirkwall keeps you on toes. From the first intro when Varric describes it (paraphrasing from memory) “Kirkwall. The city of chains. It is a free city - keeping in mind i use the the word loosely”. You already start seeing how dark Kirkwall gets. The name, that derives from its black walls (interestingly, the walls in the game aren’t black...), the history of slavery etched into every corner of that city and its surroundings - the names (The Gallows, the Bone Pit, the Wounded Coast, the pub The Hanged Man), the scenery (sculptures of slaves, the sunken ships by the Wounded Coast, slums and underground of the Lowtown and the Darktown).

I was really digging the History of Kirkwall and it loved it. Kirkwall has a history of violence, from the times of slavery of the Tevinter Imperium, to Qunari conquests and liberation from Orlais. Many revolts and uprising. And though free now, it’s suggested that, seeing that the Templars hold the most influence, Kirkwall is in the hands of the Chantry.

It’s full of cultures mixing together. I love how not one of your companions is a native to Kirkwall, and it feels like a crossroads to every character’s life. a very tragic crossroads in their life, seeing there’s nothing ever good waiting for you in Kirkwall.

Also there’s these codex entries you look for about the Enigma of Kirkwall. It was when i started digging that up that i fell in love with the city and all. Combined with the History of Kirkwall and every codex entry for every place in and out of Kirkwall, I was pulling my hair out reading about the Enigma. I..i’m still not quite sure what happened. Did the magisters use blood of thousands upon thousands slaves to unbound a forgotten one? if so, is that corypheus? And around what time did that happen?? I get that part (or all?) of Kirkwall’s mysterious violent agency is owed to corypheus slumbering relatively close to the city, but is that all? or is there something more? In either case, the Band of Tree are my heroes.

4) The characters.

I’ll talk more about them later, but in general, i just love how they oppose each other, how complex they are, and there is just not pleasing everyone. They feel genuine. They are all deeply flawed. They all have a solid background that makes their beliefs and actions convincing. The friendship/rivalry points are shaky though, and sometimes really don’t fit the character, but i guess there must be someone hating/loving your bad choices for the sake of the game regardless of characterisation. But all in all, i really appreciated each and every character, and loved how their viewpoints challenged me.

First i want a disclaimer: i love each and every character in the game, whatever i say against them doesn’t diminish my liking of them. My issues really aren’t significant. Also, i might and probably will say smth wrong bc i’ve only played it once. I’m a baby.

let’s start with Family:

Mama Hawke:

i really loved mama hawke. after reading her codex entry and an excerpt of some book on this site, i really feel for her. I mean, imagine going back to your home city where you only remember being respected and wealthy only to find out everything you remember is gone, you are forced to live in poverty, your kids are doing dangerous jobs and you can’t stop them bc you do need that money, you write letters trying to get the old connections but keep failing (at least it was implied?), it’s really been hard for her. I get why she was so obsessed with her legacy. She wanted her childhood home back. She can’t feel like Kirkwall is her home until she is home.

Also loved her antagonism towards Hawke. It seems she can no longer treat him like a child, so she criticises him instead. and honestly, hawke is doing some crazy things so he defintiely deserves some criticism. And stopping Hawke from taking carver with him is just logical to me, idk. since she knows she can’t stop Hawke from going, she will at least attempt to prevent the last kid from going into mortal danger. I’d do the same. AND AFTER HAVING CARVER DYING IN DEEP ROADS I AGREE WITH HER

All in all, i don’t think she’s a perfect mom, but there is no perfect mom, and Leandra does care a lot for her kids. The All that remains killed me too :’(

Bethany

RIP :(

Her codex is not long, but i guess she wasn’t happy with her magic :(

CARVER

My favouritest bestest bro in the game. A secondary character with an inferiority complex towards his sibling, with no sense of humour, blaming everyone else for his inability to get a life? I see a lot of myself in him. He is sooo bitter, but doesn’t even realise (or at least doesn’t admit) that he’s his biggest obstacle. He feels like it’s Hawke’s fault for Carver not getting his place in the sun, but honestly, it’s Carver’s devotion to Hawke that keeps him from getting a life. He’s just tied with that responsibility and can’t break from it unless forced to.

His interactions with other characters are so funny. Either he’s bitter or he’s awkward, i die every time ;;__;;

Anyways, he became a templar in my game and i thought it fits better thematically (throughout the game the grey wardens felt more like a fanservice material since they really aren’t connected to the story), but after reading that meta about carver and seeing the striking difference between warden!carver and templar!carver i wanna reload and redo everything ;;__;;

i mean... carver isn’t exactly a templar material. The codex entry for templars says that the wanted characteristics of templars are strong faith and utmost obedience, none of which carver really has... . But that moment when he stands up against meredith was *chefs kiss* worth it. I’m just wondering what happens after, is he still a templar? is he with hawke? is he in Kirkwall or if not, where did he go?? so many questions ;A;

Uncle Gamlen

I feel bad for him. Mostly he’s mean but i like to think it’s bc he’s so ashamed that his sister sees what he’s become. And he’s bitter about his own life. I was so happy when i realised he has a personal mission ;__; I feel bad that he didn’t come to live in the hawke estate tho, especially since Hawke is also alone there :(

COMPANIONS!

Varric

There are no words that can properly convey the amount of love for this guy. He is simply flawless. He’s a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia. I wanna have a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia in my life... He already becomes interesting with the intro, and i gotta say, out of all ~storyteller~ types of characters, he is the best. he puts a disclaimer at the beginning with that game tutorial, and during the whole interrogation he’s like “well, how do you know i’m not lying? i could be.” Also, his voice is the second best voice in the game.

As for his personal missions, oh wow, that thing with his big bro really hurt. I also gave him the red lyrium... was that a mistake? will i regret it? ;__; I know the true friend would prevent him, but i also trust that varric knows how to handle dangerous stuff...

On a side note, since i’ve read the comics (no self control whatsoever), i loved the beginning of the Until We Sleep, where varric mentions it’s easier to imagine all the people he had to kill were evil than to face the fact that those were normal people just doing their job or trying to survive. Man, it hurts TAT

*garret hawke’s voice when he looks a certain way at the family crest in the hawke estate* ISABELA!

Ok ok, so, i love Carver bc i relate, i love Varric because he’s simply perfect. But I love Isabela because she’s the most intriguing.

She just crashed in Kirkwall and really didn’t sign up for all the trouble she got. She never likes to have deep conversations, she is always downgrading herself and you just wonder, what is it that happened in her life, and you know her past mistakes haunt her, and she’s doing her best to move on. Her arc was i think my favourite. I think the comic Those Who Speak really adds a lot to her arc in DA2 and makes some of her choices more understandable. Her whole story is about her internal conflict of whether to survive or do the right thing. Her story about freeing the slaves got her ship wrecked is great and all for making her be a pirate with a golden heart, but that story about her drowning all the slaves few years previous make this freeing of slaves a big character moment for her. She finally did the right thing. And she got for it was more trouble, because she’s a pirate which means she can’t afford to just do the right thing. And throughout the game, that same story is going back and forth. She runs off with the Relic bc she’s done the right thing before and it got her nowhere, so now she decided to put her own survival as a priority, but comes back bc she’s too kind to just leave Hawke standing like that. And again, with the slaver papers, it’s the same reasoning: it’s her or the higher cause. She needs that ship. She chooses herself. It’s her biggest flaw. But hey, between pros and antis in your party, it was really refreshing to have someone who, along with varric, just gives you a break with moral high-grounds.

I only wish we actually got to see her more as a captain in power in the game or that she showed me that amazing hat she saw in lowtown. It’s cool that it’s implied that her crew doesn’t like her and she also lost most of them during the crash while the others probably left her after.

I love it when she says she goes sometimes to the docks just to watch the ships. That there is no feeling like sailing. I just want a spin-off with captain isabela’s terrible adventures (´A`)

Also, isabela’s VA is my fave, she really did an amazing job. she voices so smoothly, i wouldn’t know if i was playing a game or watching a movie. And has such a pretty way of talking...

Aveline

I’m really neutral towards Aveline. I like her personality and i like that she’s found herself a purpose and advanced in the guards, and she’s always looking out for everybody. I just wish her personal missions went in the vein of the one in act 1... i feel it would have been more interesting to see her having trouble in her position and that you can’t just waltz into Kirkwall and take command. It’s implied she’s being pressured, so i guess she’s just dealing with it herself, but i just... eh. She’s ok.

Merrill

Merrill actually has one of the if not the most tragic story-line that really challenges you both morally and emotionally.

Her cheerful and cute personality is dampened by her constant dark leitmotif of willingly practicing blood magic. And i think her story really showed well the indirect consequences of it.

Not in one instance was Merrill’s practice of blood magic an active culprit for all tragedy that surrounds her. First, it seems that blood magic is practiced in the clan, seeing there is no freeing Flemeth without it, but i’m guessing it’s seldom practiced and with great caution. So Merrill wasn’t in any danger of being prosecuted for her blood magic. It’s actually her wish to study it further with the help of the demon that makes her an outcast. That and the magic mirror that apparently is forgotten for a reason. Also, it’s made quite clear that Merrill would be welcomed back no questions asked if she at any point decided to ditch the demon and live without the study of magic mirror. She, on the other side, is driven by the higher cause, the idea that figuring out the forgotten purpose of some evil mirror might help her clan, and is willing to be an outcast if it means reaching her goal and helping her clan. Fast foward to act 3, the clan is still there when they should have moved away, and it’s only when you face the demon possessed Keeper, you realise why. She knew Merrill would sooner or later bargain with the demon again. And she sacrificed herself, trapping the demon within her, as to prevent it. And i think that is why the clan stayed so long there. She waited for Merrill because she wanted Merrill to kill her, and hopefully with her the demon. It didn’t go as planned, obviously, but i really think she had good intentions. When Merrill does manage to kill the Keeper she’s forced to face the clan and i chose the wrong option of telling the truth which resulted in a massacre. Merrill gets back and regrets everything. She, however resolves to help the alienage.

The thing is, there is no one to blame Everyone had the best intentions. Everyone is working for the safety of the clan. it’s a story of sacrifice and when sacrifice feels like the wrong choice (whether it truly is or isn’t depends on your worldview) and it’s really done well.

But here are my issues with Merrill. I love her as a character, but i don’t agree with her decisions. It’s a personal issue. Merrill is giving up everything as to help her clan by learning history of the evil mirror. And while this is a game where old things are important and significant, her mission is always explained as this duty of preserving history. And while i agree that preserving history is very important, there is a limit to it. you should never put history before the present. If your research endangers the present, you give up on that line. The other is that you need to make peace with the fact that many, many things are forgotten and will be forgotten. It’s sad, but you gotta make peace with the fact that some things are just gone.

And Merrill, who is a magic historian, fails to see that. So that kinda irks my historian moral codex. And in the end, as far as i know, Merrill doesn’t succeed in reviving the evil mirror and dedicates herself to help the alienage. It was a terrible way to learn that some things aren’t worth it.

The other, less personal issue, is that none of this had to happen. I mean, the keeper obviously didn’t think Merrill was experienced enough to actually deal with demons and therefore distrusted her and warned the clan about it. So, if Merrill was a little bit more patient she could have just studied normally under the keeper, and when she herself becomes the keeper, she could have fraternize with that demon however she wanted without much complications. So yeah... i guess youth is made of idealism.

But as i said, minor issues. Her story is really, really great.

Fenris

Fenris and Anders are my “i love you but i am soo annoyed by you but i still love you” characters. Half of the time they’re just there to make you feel guilty for being a neutral party. Which sometimes has me rolling my eyes. If Fenris and Anders actually got along with each other, slavery and mage oppression would have ended in 2 days. Which makes it all the more frustrating that they do not.

Fenris.. his voice. What a nice voice colour. So elegant, but kinda rough, sometimes he talks like he’s 80 years old, sometimes like he’s a teenager. I love it.

As for the rest, i mean, i don’t agree with his methods, but very often, the guy’s got a point. I get his experience with mages colours his view on them, so while i symphatise, it’s really hard to have him on my “free mages” missions when he’s my best tank and i want him to be on friendly terms with Hawke so this makes things... difficult. That aside, it’s interesting that fenris doesn’t see mages as evil per se, but rather victims who, in his experience, will always, always going to succumb to a demon. It’s an inevitable reality to him. And this makes me wonder if he ultimately, despite being his friend or lover, is just waiting for the day he will be forced to kill Hawke too :(

As for his missions, they were ok, it led up to culmination and i didn’t let him kill his sister bc Hawke has just lost his mom, don’t do smth you’ll regret ;__;

also, somewhere around the end of act 2 i decided to romance fenris bc i love to suffer, so i worked the whole act 3 trying to get more aproval points and also wondering why are there no romance options when i talk to him... turns out that one night stand with isabela romanced her and canceled fenris. But i never even finished the romance with her so i’m just ??? about it all.

I wish it was more explained about the tattoos fenris has? I just thought the tattoos would play a big role somewhere in the game and it just never happened. There was a banter with Merrill about how his tattoos are similar to valaslin, so i thought, hmm, interesting, maybe the two are connected. But nah they just glow in the dark and make you pass through walls. Whatevs.

also dude just goes and kills without a second thought, i’m just “mate, you gotta calm down”. But that’s his thing. He’s constantly bitter and is very bad at anger management. I can’t blame him, considering he lacks around 10- 20 years of experience due to amnesia.

He’s the only one who left me when Hawke sided with mages, and i was like, “ok i getcha, it’s been nice knowing you”, but then when i asked him to join me 5 minutes later he just went “ok changed my mind” which was so funny, like, where did all that integrity dissappear??? It would have been more impactful if the dialogue went in the line of “i want to stand by my principals but you’re a living breathing proof that not all mages are weak to succumb to demons so i’ll join you in the end” (and then side-eye “i told you so” when orsino turns into a demon)

And i wanna read the fenris comic now bc my question for every character here is what is their fate after kirkwall. I only know that isabela & varric are working for alistair and merrill wants to help the alienage. Aveline is i guess either dismissed from her job or got a pass after cullen took the command. But Carver?? Fenris?? Anders?? They never talked about long term plans...

Anders

ooh boy, here we go. there are many questions i have for him and am generally just hmmmm. First, as for his pro-mage rights - it’s like opposite fenris so i just have the same feelings: you mean well, i don’t agree with your methods, your experiences define your worldview so i let some things slide, but other things i will not agree with. Though, question: in how many circles has Anders been? He knows the kirkwall circle, he knows the fereldan circle. Seeing he has excaped 7 times, did they send him to a different circle each time or was the fereldan the last one? or the first one? Or maybe it was his boyfriend they transferred? did i miss something?

I’ll just whisper: awakening!Anders >>> da2!Anders. I just miss the old anders. Which says a lot bc during the awakening i was just “shut up anders”. I miss his bad jokes, his terrible attempts at flirting, his enjoyment of freedom, nagging all the time, and generally being more moderate in pro-mage rights. Like, in awakening, because it was not the only thing he talked about, it felt more personal and intense. Here mage-rights are the only thing he ever talks about + justice. I mean, please correct me if i’m wrong, this was just general impression. But to defend da2!Anders here, it makes sense that merging with mixed both of their personality, and i like that they did that. It’s also very sad.

The thing is, when i’m thinking about anders, i love his story and character. Just as it’s terrible that Fenris, having no memory from before being Fenris, Anders can never go back to being just Anders. And this, people, is why you don’t fraternize with spirits. He’s obviously afraid of how justice is affecting him and there are some bare traces of his old personality and i guess he wouldn’t be as radical if he didn’t have justice personality that can’t stand the injustice. And in combination with anders quite selfish personality (form awakening, and i say that lovingly), it makes him do things that justice wouldn’t condone. Anders is literally a walking bomb.

Again, same problem as with fenris, i really thought that the justice glow would have a incredibly significant culmination, and it didn’t, it was just to show that anders and justice are very bitter. Eh, ok.

Also, i let anders join after he blew up the chantry, bc he started it, so might as well follow it through.

Some minor characters that i remember

Senechal Bran for the next Viscount! He hated hawke so much but still put up with him.

Feynriel is the coolest mage in Kirkwall. I think his missions were my favourite. Dude goes from “oh no i’m a mage” to “i will just dreamwalk to tevinter and learn control the reality” to “i dream-killed bad people from thousands of miles away”. Does he appear in the next game? I want him on my side. He’s so cool.

I think the Maker is sending Cullen signs to quit being a templar. First job: evil mages that tortured you. Instead of “this job will kill you” h took it as a “never trusting mages again, got it”. Second job: your boss is evil possessed paranoid maniac. Man, talk about bad luck.

What is the story of the Lady Elegant?

Flemeth had that big great talk at the beginning of the game and i thought by the end of the game i’d realise what it meant, but nope, still no clue.

Ok so I defeated Corypheus, but there was this looong shot of Larius walking away. Corypheus possessed larius, didn’t he? He’s out there. In a madman’s body. I know he appears in inquisition.

Many thoughts

I gotta say, in Kirkwall, at least, it didn’t feel like much of a challenge to pick a side. Like, there was no mage who said “hey i actually really like it here in the circle, the templars aren’t so bad”, and having templars actually smuggling mages from the circle says a lot to say the least. Every time a mage talks to you, unless you go with “oh they’re 100% lying”, their stories invoke sympathy and of course you want to help them. And then in 99% cases they turn to blood magic bc there was no other way. Except that dude who always hanged out with the wrong people, he only did blood magic to save Carver. But yeah, that turning to blood magic was like having Fenris side-eye me with an unspoken “i told you so” bc every mage, whether in desperation or hunger for power, will turn sooner or later into a demon. Regardless, blood magic was always in the act of desperation and self-defense. The only times where magic was actually evil was the slavers and the serial killer, who is a madman.

When i was reading the Enigma of Kirkwall, there was a part that talks of a blood-mage conspiracy and i was all, oh shit, there is a reason why templars are mean to mages! maybe the conspirators are framing innocent mages on blood magic crimes that they actually commit, maybe Meredith is actually on trail of the conspirators, maybe there is a reason for animosity on both sides. After all, Kirkwall was known for having a bigger number of apostates, a bigger number of blood magic cases and far more ruthless templars. It added up.Thinking back now, i never even got any specific reason why meredith was so intensely anti-mage, other than going mad.

But yeah, no conspirators. Just sad mages and mean templars, and good templars that get screwed by desperate and mean mages.

While in Kirkwall it’s easy to be a pro-mage, i was thinking a lot about mage-rights in general so let me indulge myself: there are circles, but the mages aren’t oppressed. Rather, the circles would be educational centres and society in every larger city where one learns how to properly handle magic bc magic is dangerous. You can leave when you pass the final exam and also come back anytime to hang out with mages who decide to live there since the institution would support mages.

Also, when one gets possessed, i’d invest more into “walk into their head and free them of demons” specialists. It’d be cool if you could have a dreamer who does that bc no lyrium spent. Honestly, why don’t they ever do that? How did the keeper do that rite for Feynriel? Was it blood magic?

I guess, you’d still have to answer for your crimes, tho no death punishment and degradation allowed. Blood magic wouldn’t be punishable by death, but rather have specialists who study it, but practice with extreme caution and use of another person’s blood is strictly prohibited.

Templars would still exist but completely reformed. No more “mages are all potential disasters”, but i’d rather make it that mages can too be templars, since they both have abilities that prevents the others from casting magic. This way the control system would be much like the dalish: if the keeper(mage) is possessed, the clan (which means the non-mages and the first(mage)) need to kill them. You could argue that you don’t need templars as non-mages, since mages can do it too, but seeing that in general people fear magic and feel inferior to it (since there’s a collective memory of the great tevinter imperium), having non-magic specialists would make them feel like on equal ground. The extra-reformed templars would be under Circle, not under direct command of the chantry, and circle, depending of whether chantry is reformed, might or might not be under chantry.

(a side note, i was thinking about templars recently and i can’t recall an instance where it says who had the clever idea to chew lyrium first? i just wanna know)

I know that DA2 wasn’t about grey wardens and therefore not about darkspawn, but seeing as in legacy we get corypheus being... an evil version of the Architect(??), i was only wondering do we get more answers about the darkspawn? is there hope for them? is the Architect still alive?

And oh, to turn to the Anders question:

Is he a terrorist, or was that just activism? I mean, i don’t see why those two can’t go together. blasting a building with a symbolic significance killing and harming many innocent people to get a message of your radical activism across belongs into a schoolbook of terrorism. Does he have a good cause? He sure believes so, and i, too, agree that mages should not be oppressed for just being mages. But does that mean this is the right way to do it? Personally, i do not condone any act of violence in service of a political or religious cause. I know it’s sometimes inevitable, but i like to believe there are more diplomatic ways, or at least not including an attack on civilians.

That aside, the moment where anders goes in front and just announces that the church was gonna blow up in a minute was the best anders moment for me. Until that point i more or less just viewed his activism as a hobby since he just did it in his free time, but now he put his money where his mouth is and freaking went all out. Cool character moment. And incredibly heartwrenching. He was aware of how many innocents he killed, but just didn’t see other way to get the point across.

I still don’t agree with his idea of blowing up the church tho. Maybe if he told Hawke, they could have done something to empty the church previously and further people away from it and then blow it up?

But still, blowing up religious buildings isn’t the answer. If i was the radical mage activist, i would have gone for the open assassination. Seeing it worked in WW1, i don’t see why it couldn’t start a fantasy war.

Some random things i liked:

uniportant but lovable interractions in the house: it starts innocently with gamlen’s house, to see how you’re doing, and becomes really fun during act 2 when you see your friends have been here and left you things. In act 3, however, it feels melancholic. no more family to come back to, just ghosts of friends that have visited, Bodahn and Sandal being there for you, Orana still not getting some sunlight and your dog at the fireplace. The Hawke Family Suite is playing, and you feel older than you are, lonlier than you should be. just... ouch. I hope Bodahn adopted Orana and took her out of Kirkwall :(

t i named the dog “Maker” which is very funny to me bc every time i summon the dog i just imagine Hawke yelling “Maker help us”. Carver hates the name bc he needs to chase the dog often in the streets. Mama Hawke never ever calls the dog Maker, but she never has to call the dog anything: he’s super obedient towards her.

Fighting wasn’t as hard as in origins, i like that.

The haunted house mission was so cool.

When random people greet aveline in Hightown.

And that’s i think about it. There are probably plenty more things i loved, but i think this is already enough. if somebody told me i’d be playing so much this year, i’d laugh, but I already want to play the next game ;;___;;

#don't klick keep reading if you aren't ready to scroll endlessly #a very long post #in which i:#love everything #stan carver #cry over fictional characters #need a romance manual #form political opinions in a fictional game #give a random fic rec that is so worth your time #if you've read this you're a hero and i'm sorry #da2 #spoilers for those who plan to play #it took me a week to write this god

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fancyemowolfbat · 5 years ago

Text

Thoughts on Castlevania S3: Taka and Sumi’s abuse of Adrian

Season three spoilers below: and yes, this is plot heavy. So if you haven’t seen yet, read at your own risk.

But the TL;DR: I love Castlevania and this scene only made me love it more.

To start: This is entirely an opinion post. I don’t have enough energy to make it into a full analysis with resources and other things. So don’t take this as an essay with some deep meaning. This is entirely just an impressions post.

I love this scene. I love the writing and the visuals. And I love that it was handled in a very real manner. And I love that it represented abuse correctly, because make no mistake-- this scene was abuse--at the very least, and rape at worst. But I’m not saying that for the reasons others have given. But I’m going to get back to that in a moment.

I’m going to leave out the controversy that’s been spat about this scene, because honestly, I don’t feel like talking about it. Like I said, I’m tired. And I’m not gonna harass someone else over their opinions just because they’re different than mine. If you didn’t like this, that’s totally fine. Please don’t ask me to debate, I’m not interested in . I’m simply enjoying this show in my own little corner, and am sharing my own opinions and observations for those who might be curious.

1.) Adrian is confirmed canonically (as far as the Netflix series goes) Bisexual.

While the events that follow the scene absolutely make this scene abuse and manipulation, at the start, Adrian does consent to the sex initially (INITIALLY, I’m not forgetting what happens after). He willingly makes out with both Sumi and Taka, and he’s very obviously anally penetrated when Taka puts Adrian’s legs over his shoulders. It’s not subtle. This is probably the smallest thing to mention given what happens, but this did make me happy. Adrian is only the second character in my favorites list to be confirmed LGBTQIA+ (the other being Damien Bloodmarch from Dream Daddy: a Dad Dating Simulator). And I won’t lie, I cried for both instances.

This is a popular show, and Adrian is one of the main characters. This season had so many good examples of LGBT+ relationships-- including a very healthy partnership between two of the female villains which was openly discussed by them on screen. It’s treated as normal but not made the focus of the story, though it’s very obvious and not hidden. This was very impressive and respectful, showing a range of different orientations, and showing both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

I won’t address the games, because I haven’t finished playing them. I’ve heard some saying he’s always been bi, some saying it was never confirmed, and some saying he was confirmed straight. So I don’t know. I am of the opinion that a character’s sexuality does not affect the overall lore any more than their skin color or religion does. BUT, that is all I can say. I don’t know the games. And this scene certainly does include lore, as I will touch on in a bit...

2.) This scene was abuse, and the writing vilifies it as such.

As I said above, Adrian does seem to initially consent to the sex. He returns their kisses, he grips onto Sumi’s ass, and holds Taka’s shoulder as they make out. These are actions that imply he was enjoying this at the beginning. Although, it is possible he may have felt somewhat pressured to go further, as when they initially push him down, he does seem taken back, although that may have been mostly surprise.

However, as the scene goes on, it becomes clear that these two are attempting to make Adrian vulnerable. They continue with him until he is exhausted-- there are two of them and one of him. And given Adrian’s reactions, it’s very possible this may have been his first time. And I’m also not going to gloss over the fact that Adrian himself has said that he aged quickly. It is entirely possible that Adrian may still mentally be a child, in which case, this is also two young adults taking advantage of a younger teenager.

However, when this clearly becomes abuse and possibly rape is why they were having sex with him in the first place-- they wanted to make him vulnerable enough to kill him. They grew impatient with Adrian, wanting him to do things he could not do and teach them things he had not yet had the chance to. He gave them all he could, but their urge to return to Japan and free their people grew into a desire to kick out and replace the authority that abused them, to “make their own empire.” I also like that this makes this very real and tangible-- the abusers are not cartoonishly evil. They are real people with real motives who experienced abuse themselves. This hits a really sensitive topic many people aren’t willing to address-- that anyone is capable of abuse, villains aren’t alien, and people who may be otherwise trustworthy may commit grievous acts which can deeply hurt people.

What solidifies the idea in my mind is Adrian’s reaction after he kills them both and frees himself. We see him, having dragged himself to his childhood bedroom, laying on the floor in the spot where he killed his father, shaking and crying. He was violated. He was betrayed. The first time he’d been living a somewhat normal life in over a year, and the only two friends he had after Sypha and Trevor left stabbed him in the back. These humans, whom he killed his father to protect, took advantage of him and almost killed him, forcing him to kill them first.

I’m going to link to this post by @fandomwanderer and this post by @mega-ringsandthings-world, because the sum up the idea better than I ever could. But this sets up Adrian’s character superbly. I will say, my wish for the next season is a bit different.

I hope that, eventually, Sypha and Trevor do come back, expecting Adrian to be waiting for them with open arms. And instead they find a very cold, very detached Adrian who is not acting like himself. I want tension between these three characters who used to be friends, until it builds up and eventually leads to a clash, possibly in the form of a physical fight. I want it to escalate until something happens and causes pause enough for Sypha and Trevor to talk Adrian down, at which point we finally see him start to crack, and eventually break down in his friends arms. I want them to ask about the scars, and prod and push until he snaps and attacks them, only to lead to him revealing everything that happened and clinging to them for comfort, while they wish they could’ve been the ones to kill the bastards. I truly do hope this happens. It’s been Three Seasons. Two of them have ended with Adrian sobbing. I want him to finally get some relief. But, even with this, I’m sure whatever the writers decide to do, it will be amazing. They’re in a very precarious place right now, but I’m excited to see where they go with it.

3.) Adrian’s reaction is perfectly justified.

This may just be an extension of point two, but Sumi and Taka’s abuse is not excused by the writing. All too often in fiction, rape and abuse are written off as not being that bad or even being desirable. What happens to Adrian is not painted as positive. It affects him extremely negatively, and it is not treated as his fault in any way. Even though he initially consented, these two betrayed his trust and hurt him. That is never treated as something he should be responsible for. Granted, with this being at the end of the series, there wasn’t much time for this to digest. I expect to see some characters see how he reacted by killing and spitting them, and initially assume that he did so because “he’s Dracula's son and of course.” But these characters will likely be doing so without context. The abuse also isn’t blamed on Adrian’s apparent orientation. Hector is abused in the same way by Lenore, in a heterosexual female-on-male abuse scene. And as stated above, there are healthy LGBT+ relationships in the show, as well.

Also, as the above linked post states, this also leads to us seeing Adrian slip slowly into the mindset his father once held-- perhaps not completely, but it is beginning. And all I’m left to think is, how much must this hurt? How much must Adrian hate seeing himself this way after everything he did for humans? But he’s so hurt by this betrayal that he can’t see things any other way right now. He is in pain, and he has had no real rest from that pain since his mother was killed.

“I gave you everything.” Adrian opened his home to Sumi and Taka, and he opened his heart to them, as well. He gave them his home, his weapons, his knowledge, his body. He is very young and very trusting, despite everything he’s been through. And that trust was taken and shoved right back in his face with insult and humiliation. He gave his all, not just for Sumi and Taka, but for humanity as a whole. He killed people, he killed his own kind, and he killed his own father-- his only remaining parent-- after his own mother was killed by the very people he was trying to protect. He gave everything, and humanity took it all and then shat on him in return. Adrian has every. right to feel betrayed. I don’t think he’ll be the new villain solely because I believe they will stick a bit closer to game lore, and may rather have him simply put himself to rest until the next major disaster hits humanity. But I do think this event caused his view of humanity to be less rose-tinted. He was forced to grow up fast, and much more painfully than he should’ve.

I truly hope, more than anything else, in future seasons Adrian does get some form of relief. Though, I doubt the world is done kinking him while he’s down. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, something truly good and unbastardized will come his way. Until then, I’ll be waiting with baited breath. I couldn’t be happier that this series is continuing.

P.S.: Please let me hug Adrian.

#Castlevania #castlevania season 3 #castlevania spoilers #castlevania season 3 spoilers #castlevania s3 #casltevania s3 spoilers #abuse tw #rape tw #analysis #opinion #review #Self 🔅 Adrian

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