#so this is how im getting the thoughts out of my brain rn. otherwise i feel like I'd go insane

[ontosgold]

I adore sun/moon ryomina dynamic... but specifically how ryoji is the moon to makoto's sun. in the way that the moon is a reflection of the sun's light. without the sun there is so moon, but also the moon brings meaning to the sun's existence...

[freakassfemme]

Can we have Abby taking care of needy reader after a long day of work 🙂‍↕️she just wants her brain to the off

LMFAO yeah ofc I can <3 this is literally the easiest request in my inbox rn, im glad we're all coping this way

manhandle/after work with abby [drabble] ₊ ⊹ ೀ

You weren't a stranger to this, really. It was easiest to split your thoughts in two like this, to let the tension go from your shoulders and focus on something different, something more tangible and pleasant that gave your brain that immediate satisfaction that it so desperately craved.

"Fuck, baby, look at you --"

Abby's voice purred through her otherwise silent stadium dorm, her hands tangled in your hair and coaxing out the sweetest little praises in return.

You kneeled before where she sat on the edge of her bed, one of her legs viciously bouncing as she tried to keep her cool. Your mouth worked itself over her strap, hands grasping at her thighs, her hips, the base of the toy, anything you could find to satiate your needs. Every hit to the back of your throat, spurred on by the desperate bucks of her hips, made you moan and whine in ecstasy. She pulled your hair up, forcing you to maintain that piercing eye contact with her.

Breathe. Holy shit, you need to breathe. Fuck, she's pretty.

Your head was almost entirely blank at this point, just focused on maintaining your god damn consciousness while Abby's hips abused your straining throat. Every grunt she pulled from you made her groan, say something even dirtier than before that had you squirming below her and making more obscene sounds.

"Shit, you like that, huh?" She asked. Abby was panting, so out of breath just from the sight of you, so eager to please and to be pleased, that she couldn't help but smirk at each of your little reactions. It was easy for her, to make you feel like it was your first time with her all over again, to pull that enthusiasm and desire from you after all these years like it was nothing.

"You like when I make you take it, baby?" She groaned around the words. She held your head in place, bucking into your mouth while you whined and failed at nodding around the silicone, spit dripping down the corners of your mouth and on to your thighs. You hummed instead, your lips curling into a shy smile around her strap.

Yeah, she couldn't handle that.

Abby pulled away, ripping herself from your mouth in a way that left your throat even more raw, yet you still whined, already hungry for its return.

"Shh, shh, I know," she purred, scooping you up into her arms and spreading you out on to the bed, ass up. "I know you need it sweetheart. 'M gonna give it to you, I promise, sweet girl."

And god, the way she manhandled you -- picked you up so effortlessly, had no issue getting you just how she wanted you even when your legs were like jelly, it made you melt. She didn't make you do anything in return except open up and accept what she offered. Not when you were like this, when you had come home in near tears, unable to stop the words that practically vomited out of your mouth about the shitty fucking day you had.

Abby made it so easy for your racing mind to go still, guiding you through it with gentle touches, just gave you exactly what you needed and filled anything you'd let her. It was so easy to be stupid for her, to nod and babble when she pulled your hips up with one hand, running her thumb on her other hand over your needy and warm slit, laughing softly at the way it clenched around nothing, just as desperate for her as the rest of you was.

Breathe, breathe breathe breathebreathebr--

Your thoughts were fucking shredded into emptiness as Abby bottomed out in one fell swoop, pushing into you with a groan that had you convinced she could feel how tight your unprepared cunt was around her. A guttural moan ripped from your throat and echoed into the mattress, and your hand flew back, searching for hers.

And Abby knew you so well, hers was already waiting, catching your wrist and interlacing your delicate fingers in her calloused ones.

"That's my girl," she whispered, watching your back relax and arch against the bed, falling limply into her hand. She rolled her hips against yours experimentally, swearing at the responsive whine you pushed out. Her hips moved on their own, syncing into a familiar pattern that had your toes curling and head dizzy in no time.

"I've got you, I've got you, baby," she chanted as broken, babbled cries fell from your lips. Her other hand came around to cradle your jaw, pulling you up so she could kiss the side of your cheek, behind your ear, down your neck as she thrusted into you.

"Just let me do it for you, baby. I've got you."

[angelyuji]

violent short-tempered yandere type characters

i cant remember where i got this idea. either i saw it on a show or it came to me in a dream.... alsooo im mostly basing this off of rick sanchez cuz im insane and i love my men crazy, smart, and old. im also addicted to rick and morty rn and im praying the next season comes out soon..... anyway

tw // murder, kidnapping, yandere stuff, treating someone like an object/pet (i cant remember the word for it)

they're busy people. they dont have time to date you or stalk u for long periods of time. they’re impatient and short-tempered and generally assholes. they literally saw you once and thought u were the cutest thing ever.

they watched, angrily, as your partner’s hand squeezes your butt. they watched as you giggled, lightly pushing your partner. they knew in one glance that you shouldn't be with your asshole partner. you deserved better. someone smarter, kinder, stronger like themselves. their fists clenched as they pushed past everyone in the way, seeing red. no one is allowed to touch you like that except for them. no one should be able to feel your warmth and see your smile except for them. they finally get close to the two of you and in one quick movement, your partner’s brains had splattered onto the pavement. your scream filled their ears and a sense of peace filled them. they grabbed your arm and the two of you disappeared from view.

you dont even have to meet them. one quick glance from you is all they need. they kill anyone in their path. anyone that poses a threat to you. anyone that even thinks about taking you away from them.

theyre mean to you, but all they want is to keep you safe. to hold you. to keep your love to themselves. they’re so easily jealous.

(like how rick cares abt his family, but he’s still an absolute asshole to them) (rick brainrot guys i need the old fuck NEOW) (i think i just love fictional older men who have committed heinous crimes…) (anyway)

the only time they’d be kind to u is if they feel like you’re pulling away or thinking of escaping. its a lot of hot and cold. you would constantly annoy them. to them, you should be seen, not heard. there when they need comfort, but you need to fuck off otherwise. you’re quite literally their pet. they keep you to entertain them.

definitely: homelander, omni-man, sukana, william afton, ooc rick sanchez

maybe: canon rick sanchez, ooc captain america

[thebearme]

Any tf2 headcanons?

I was hoarding this ask for when I have alot of hcs but I now realize that that was an awful idea becuz now there too much going on in my brain. So I'll tell you the ones I can remember rn.

(btw this is gonna be a mess of silly and sad contention into a blender, so sorry for any whiplash)

Everyones business last name is TF2. It's canon, Ms Pauling said so.

Scout and Ms Pauling have one thing in common, they're simps for women out of their league and it's sad.

My current idea of the plot is that Ms Pauling is now the new administrator and the mercs are still working for her but now instead of a war they are now a Hire-A-Merc organization. Why, so they can pay the blood pact that the old administrator got them in from Abraham Lincoln.

The team is a merge for BLU and RED team members.

BLU: Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engineer | RED: Heavy, Demo, Spy, Sniper, Pyro

Engie has an gaming channel.

Engie is a little person. (you can't convince otherwise LOOK AT HIM)

Engie does his own surgery, not that he doesn't trust Medic. He just doesn't trust Medic. He has more trust that in his drunken state he could chop his arm off cleaner than Medic because of his god complex.

Engie says trans rights.

Engie has two moods: Wholesome bumpkin or manic "i am better than all of you".

Medic and Heavy are married. (but to be fair thats just canon)

Medic never had a medical license but he did go to school... for animal care.

Medic has a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree and lied ALOT to military when he got drafted to get out safely.

He got a nazi skeleton and dead parents out of that.

Medic burn his documents so now the only people that knows is the people he tells like Heavy.

Medic only have two reasons for being here- 1) to experiment on everyone. 2) Heavy

Medic eats like a cat eating a dragon fruit. And so does Archimedes.

Medic is the definition of "no rules no boundaries he doesn't flinch at torture and sells blood for money. He's your new best friend."

Medic is slowly going more insane with time and can't tell if it's because he sold his soul to the devil or because someone is secretly fucking with him. (it's Spy)

Heavy met Medic before joining the team.

Heavy has a cooking channel.

He's a masochist. (he has too if he's with Medic.)

Heavy will kill Soldier before he starts having kids with Zhanna. He's still not ok with him.

Heavy has lots of cute moles on him. (Medic makes sure to kiss each one and make sure they're not lethal.)

While Im at it Heavy family is cursed to fall in-love with insane men.

Pyro-vision is just Pyro going through a heat stroke.

Pyro is the leader of the hate spy club.

Pyro has kids that live in the ocean with his mermaid wife. Don't ask how, it's Pyro.

Engie and Scout are the only ones that understand what Pyro is saying completely.

Engie adopted Pyro unofficially but that's his son right there.

Soldier and Zhanna are gonna have twins.

Soldier and Demo had kiss once- with their socks on.

Medic did a blood test on Soldier and he actually is not 100% American, he doesn't know and everyone intends it to stay that way.

Soldier and Scout actually know each other from before getting hired by BLU. They were comrade in the 100,000 new men program in Vietnam.

After Scout left in general discharge from a land mine incident he thought that would be the laat time he sees him. He was wrong.

Don't worry they're chill, well as chill as man can be when their hand is somehow a magnet to your neck.

Sniper is a social smoker.

Sniper is like a lizard, he doesn't fuck with the cold.

Sniper is younger than Scout. He just spent too much time in the sun and now he looks like a divorce 40 y/o dad struggling with his mortgage. Or just a brown Adam Sandler.

Sniper got those old man bones AKA my bones. His knees be cracking down the hall.

Sniper hops round different peoples places for the holidays. He spent the most time at Engie's house with Pyro; he had spent a Christmas or two with Scout's family but a "certain someone" doesn't appreciate the bushman there and ruining his holiday with his family.

When Scout has to give directions or details of the area he just draws it. Because NO ONE understands this mans writing.

Scout's life mission is to be Gods greatest gift and not just for the women. Like the bible said "a hole is a hole"... or atleast thats what Scout remembers from church.

Scout while being illiterate CAN speak Spanish, Italian, Vietnamese and French. (but he doesn't remember where he learned french from tho.)

Scout is resistant to radiation at this point.

Before becoming a merc, Scout was working at a diner that fitted him quite well.

Waffle House at the graveyard shift.

Scout's fuckboy attitude comes from daddy issues while Spy slut attitude comes from mommy issues.

Spy came from a rich family until he ran away to help in the war effort and became a spy. He doesn't regret his decision nor miss his home but does wish he did a proper goodbye to his brother.

The reason Spy has teeth capsules in his mouth to begin with is because one time him and a his fellow spy were getting torture by the enemy by having their teeth removed. Now all his teeth are fake.

Speaking of teeth, Scout got his buck-teeth from Spy.

Spy HAS gotten lungs transplanted several times from Medic because this mf refuses to chill out and get help with his smoking problem.

Spy is gender fluid.

Spy is a furry.

Demo is going to kill him one day.

That day is when he finds his DA account.

[starsomens]

hi ✨ i know that usually you’re the one that gets the prompts and writes on them but can i just give my two cents on the recent events regarding noah’s behavior on tour because there’s literally no one i can discuss this with, so naturally i need to share and i feel like this here is a safe and fun space to do that.

i know how everyone has this image of what noah’s like in a relationship or in bed or whatever and that’s okay, we can all imagine and that’s what i’m here do to today, but you CANNOT tell me this man is not fucked, foul and twisted because

1. breathing into the mic AUDIBLY right after the “the way you fuck, the way you taste” lyric is nothing close to innocent and i am pretty sure he knows what he’s doing

2. spitting in the air after “so i can look you in the eye when i spit in your face” NUMEROUS times. i’m just gonna say that he knows. spitting is spicy and he knows.

3. that devilish grin he gave right before the growl in dethrone in Austin. uhm. yeah, sadistic, sick and twisted.

also this man feeds off of dark shit. he has said it himself a couple of times. when it comes down to anime, he loves watching the really dark stuff. we know he works on the aesthetics of the band a lot and the primary colors are black, red and grey. the visuals are dark. carrying an axe around a dark hallway? wearing a ski mask for fun? and all black outfits all the time? man loves horror movies as well. im positive he’d be down to chase you down an alley wearing a mask and carrying a knife, ghostface style.

also keeping his composure and having a really cool aura and being quiet while also sounding firm and diplomatic. SCREAMS dom. but like a pleasure dom cause we know he’s the clitmaster3000.

oh yeah, i’m not even gonna mention the fact that he lowered his voice when he said “good. GOOD JOB” when he asked the crowd to make a line for the mosh pit. mans got a praise and degradation kink and no one can tell me otherwise. he loves control and he loves exercising it in all ways possible.

okay, thanks. sorry if that was too much but i can’t stop thinking about it and it makes SO MUCH sense in my head and i need to know if somebody else is gonna agree with me. bye 🦦

I am gonna make you 🦦anon

MAAM OR SIR I AGREE THANK YOU FOR YOUR 2 CENTS YOUR DONATION IS APPRECIATED

But honestly this is what I’m saying HE KNOWS! MAN KNOWS WHAT HES DOING! Because I’ve had some people here say that they know about the fan fic, so he BEEN KNOW what makes us tic! I mean look at the video of him leaning over the crowd (not knowing exactly what he was doing) BUT HE KNOWS THE EFFECT! H knows what we’re into and what makes us go wild! IM TELLING YOU. But I’m telling you it’s kinda scary how DOMINANT he can be but also like super super super calm and collected about it. He gets his fill of power from it but super controlled about it as well and THAT makes it a bit scary but also 🌝

Clitmaster 3000 IM DEAD I LOVE IT! Also you and I must be the same person because I was about to write a small thought on him being a pleasure Dom! HE SCREAMS IT! And I have said before he keeps the mask on during sex 🤠 GIRL WE SHARING THE SAME BRAIN CELL RN CUZ I CAN SEE ALL OF THIS. Hopefully my writing can improve so I can write something that rlly expressed this out if the opportunity comes up.

[modrainbowcat]

Can I please order a match up maybe? Soooo. Im bisexual and a she/they, I'm usually really introverted but around friends and family I'm super freaking energetic. I struggle with severe anxiety and im recovering from depression at the moment too. If you decide to do it then tyyy!

AAAAAA MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMTH FOR SOMONE! IT TOOK MONTHS TO BUILD UP COURAGE TO DO THIS! Tyty for requesting anon! I hope your getting better rn, never give up!

-Mod rainbowcat

I have matched you withhhh...

IBUKI MIODA

She would be really energetic and friendly with you, per usual, then after she gets past the shyness, she finds out you can match her freak! She loves you so very much, she will definitely ask you to sing songs with her. About your anxiety and depression, she'll do her best to keep you happy by singing for you and giving you all the physical affection she can (she's a rather touchy person).

CHIHIRO FUJISAKI

When he first met you, he saw you as socially awkward so that's why he first started sticking around you. After you two got closer, he didn't mind your energetic side at all, he sometimes has trouble keeping up with all of your energy, but he finds you very enjoyable to be around! When he finds out about your depression and anxiety, he'll really insist that you get professional help, if you haven't already. Otherwise he'll do chores around the house and if your not feeling like getting out of bed, he'll stay and cuddle with you!

KAITO MOMOTA

At first, he would start inviting you to his training to help you put of your social anxiety, but then after hanging around you for awhile, he'll start seeing your energetic side. He can absolutely match your energy, although he dosent have as much as you, he loves being around you and having you hang out with shuichi and maki too. About you depression and anxiety, he really hates how your brain gives you such a hard time about everything, he wishes he could just make all the bad thoughts dissappear. He'll always be there to support you, and if you want alone time he'll leave you alone even though he perfers staying by your side.

Aaaaaaaaa. I hope that wasn't too bad, I do have a bit of prior knowledge on writing general fanfiction/stories, just never really online as much. I cringe so hard whenever I write but I really like it too knowing I could write somone something abt their comfort characters, please feel free to request pookies😔🙏🙏

[pumpkinsy0]

The way PaperCut has completely taken over my brain. I have been up for almost 4 hours thinking just about them and I need to put my thoughts into words before I lose my mind

Before they start getting into their secret 3rd thing relationship, Curly used to occasionally ask Ponyboy to tag along for things; nothing that could really get dangerous, mostly just small jobs. Because Curly knows if he gets Ponyboy to agree, the guy’ll keep his word and not try to ditch early. He likes that he can trust Ponyboy. That’s it, it’s just cause Ponyboy’s trustworthy. That is absolutely all there is to it

Curly took Ponyboy to go see a few drag races and Pony thought this was Curly saying he was into cars, so he hung around the DX and bombarded Soda (or Steve, if he really had to) with questions about how stuff worked. It was not, in fact, Curly saying he had an interest in cars, and so now Pb has some otherwise useless information

They share so many things with each other. Ponyboy has at least one of Curly’s shirts for a reason he can’t remember, which he’ll only wear out, like, once every few months just to try and lower the risk of Curly seeing and recognizing it. Sometimes they trade or share jackets, sometimes it’s food or drinks. They’ll hold something out and the other’ll hand something over in return without thinking at this point

Modern setting, Curly buys one of those drinks with the double straws (those ones built for couples to drink out of ar rhe same time) just to be corny. They choke the first time they both lean in to drink at the same time, because they’re caught off guard by the proximity and angle the other’s at

aw yea,,,,papercut thoughts,,,

honestly, so real, curly does NOT like being left all alone w his thoughts, so as a plus of bringing pony along, its like he doesnt HAVE to think about his own life, he can just think about this moment w him!!! and w his friends its not like he doesnt trust em, its just that at the end if the day they will look out for themselves, but w pony he looks out for everyone and as much as curly says thats stupid, its saved him quite a bit

im telling u rn i think it would b cute if curly rlly only went to that drag race bc he would see that pony would go w soda so he thought pony was ALSO getting into care, but rlly pony just wanted to bond w soda, so now they both misjudged the situation but tried to do something nice for the other

i SWEAR indirect kissing is pony and curlys thing, they share a lot of things and as a result, boom, indirect kissing, especially before they got together

also that is SO true, on top of that they would bump heads and u just hear a loud thunk, but curly is also the kinda guy to ask for two straws and when it gets there he takes the drink and uses to two straws “to drink it faster” and see the reaction on ponys face

[ilovemylawyer]

hiii, im back <3333

i was just thinking about how doyoung kind of remains mysterious in his rituals, like i for once never seem to fully understand what tf is going on inside in his mind maybe i just didn't put enough effort in understanding his microexpressions, still ive been thinking about him winding down for the day lately and every trivial aspect of him like getting out of bath and using body oil or something, bonus points if it gets anomalous teehee because unlike some allegations of him being greasy i think he takes his hygiene very seriously!! atleast whenever he could. sooooo could you pleaaseee maybe sometime write about him just indulging himself in his unwind routine and getting ready for his next day, it's just very important for my mental health i think...yeahh and it doesn't matter which part of timeline it's set in, possibly somewhere in ep 6? im not being serious here, i never was.

lots of love byeee 💗💗💗

hihihi welcome back dear <33

doyoung is totally mysterious! i think it is absolutely intended by the show to make us, the viewers, not privy to the interworkings of his mind. this makes it easier for us to sympathize with dongsoo (to a point..) and it makes it easier for us as viewers to write doyoung off as a psycho criminal killer and NOT understand him as an inexperienced lovesick fool. i think this is totally intentional so i don't think you Missed anything by not scrubbing every scene <3

re: hygeine. HMMMM... so i am more of a greasetruther. at least up until the silver jacket gets replaced with suits and such. but all of that, the fashion upgrade for dy and his men, i see as a direct result of ds' desires. pre-suited dy and gang, his hair is noticeably like. greasy. it just is. i think if he cared about hygiene/appearance on his own, he'd keep his hair shorter and maybe own more than one pair of pants.

BUT! in ep6, he does change to become Cleaner. so your timing here would be correct. like i said i think this is only because of dongsoo. he realizes just how important status/respect/appearance* is to dongsoo, and decides to make himself more desirable by slicking his hair back and dressing like an adult. but i unfortunately do not think he would ever make this decision if not for dongsoo's high standards.

if i do this i think i can make it ep6, a little pre-funeral prep sesh. here are my problems: this would be totally doyoung centric, doyoung pov doyoung brained solo doyoung alone in his big borrowed house. this is AWESOME in theory, but i THRIVE with dialogue, back and forths and quips and spoken lies and stuff. i do not feel like i have a strong, detailed voice for bathtime relaxation. but also ep6 is a rocky dyds episode, ds is supposedly leaving for good and never coming back, dy knows his (ds') mom is going to be executed, dy has already said his would-be final goodbyes... this is tough.

and this: "im not being serious here, i never was." i think (and i could be wrong, i don't quite know, this is only my best guess) that you're trying to say something like "haha jk... unless?" but i am not entirely sure. but i take everything (EVERYTHING) very very very seriously even in our extremely fast paced irony-poisoned world. my friends call me "serious" all the time. there is no need to be anything but serious w/ me! otherwise i actually get pretty confused (which may be evident rn) but plzzz never feel any kind of shame or embarrassment for any kind of ask to me! FR!

i take this show and my contributions to it like, deathly seriously. that is the only reason i cannot 100% guarantee u that i can pull this off. i have started a doc and jotted down my initial notes/thoughts, so it is there! but this will not be my main focus rn. the longer i think on things the more ideas i get, so this request might just take me some time to mull over/break down/work out. and maybe it'll turn out like super radical gnarly awesome cool. this is something that we will find out together!

MUCH LOVE ALWAYS! thank u forever for ur ask and i promise i will think some more on this and see if i can't figure it out <33

[skybristle]

im just gonna dump a ton of starlight thoughts i had from my dms with mac moonsofmachinery because ast is Really fucking hard for me to write and. Idk. What do you think? my brains kinda mush rn but.... shakes her around... a lot of this is disorganized sorry it was very train of thought when i was writing it. @arsonstick come get your thangggg. i cut out what mac said where it wasn't relevant but some of it was important for flow of conversation

I think its very like. Interesting??? How ast went from being so hardworking towards the problem and nobody bothered her [partially because of adversion after maw, partially because of the group being generally a disorganized clusterfuck] but she was basically the only bh iterator who like

Actually. Did their job.Besides sparks but sparks is doing it for fucked up reasons

So im like. Very intrigued by whatever sent it spiraling and its motivations and feelings through it

Especially being rather asocial

If i hadddddd to guess [idk why im talking like this with my own characters it makes sense in my rambling work with me here mac] it Probably has something to do with the triple affirmative and iterator soceity basically descending into chaos

and factions

probably aligned with some fucked up form of sliverism for a time in regards to seeking personal ascension??? Maybe the only way she saw would be to take the old path. A blend of her very traditional and devoted beliefs and all of this new stuff it was introduced to via aurora

And that begins to stir in asts mind and makes a very. Very deadly combination

i think it would be fun too if like the culture of her city really rejected the streamlining of ascension and void fluid these days. Probably believed you had to actually make the pilgrimmage- otherwise you're not REALLY going to the void sea are you?

So maybe i won't move the rift. It would be really cool if there was all of these religious tunnels and stuff baked into the walls of it as you descend down, down, down. Like two pathways of religious ruins damaged by rain in a v shape sort of region if it was in the game

i think the sliver fiasco would have really enlightened her to like. The futility of it all and what she was doing. Inherently seeking a solution kind of went against the very traditional and grounded principles of her ancients- and she DID genuinely believe in her ancients. in some fucked up twisted way by breaking taboo and doing what ast does to whispers and etc etc etc it believes its following what they would have wanted. What silk truly would have wanted for their daughter

Because i think starlight at least in the beginning was seeking the solution, well, for her parents. And believed in their cause of freeing the world after they left. But after sliver left them with no answers whats the fucking point? Which i feel like is the mindset of a LOT of iterators. But. You know. She has weird and strange diseases

Got to imagine talking to basically no-one and being left in asts own echo chamber was. Uhm. Not good for it being sane and normal about it. Like yeah a lot of unstable iterators were effected badly and are also isolated but you know most of them like. Chat to people regularly and have friends and shit. starlight DIDN'T

which is why despite her apathy she gets SO ATTACHED to people who indulge her. Its why she answers to maws beck and call. Especially when maw frames herself as a 'higher power' and starlight is still kind of in a way scrambling after its beliefs in ascension were so shaken

I genuinely like. Believe that starlight did that to whispers with the intention of freeing them. She knew better. They were scared and didn't know themself and were trapped in a body that didn't let them live. Ast had to free them. Ast had to

Maybe the price to pay is some proding, some experimentation, some data points for next time

To it its completely fucking reasonable!! which just goes to show how FUCKED she's gotten

MAC: "honestly the fact starlight thinks ast is doing the right thing 'freeing' whispers makes it so much worse to me than if. it'd just been out of pure maw-like malice

ITS SO FUCKED UP..."

YEAH. AND I THINK ITS EXTRA FUCKED BECAUSE MAW IS MALICIOUS. SHE WANTS TO HURT PEOPLE AND HAS STARLIGHT WRAPPED ALL AROUND HER FUCKING FINGER

MAC: "Dude starlight could've been a fine person given different circumstances, she's not. actively malicious. but god do her actions tend to end in the worst things possi.... ohhhhhh heyyyy wait, sounds like THE ENTIRE PLOT OF BENDING HORIZONS!!!!"

I think starlight seeking aurora originally is like... so interesting too. Ast probably heard MANY of her citizens bitch and whine about albedo but you know. When the gears start turning and she starts diverging. Maybe. Maybe aurora knows something. Maybe aurora can put this all to bed- can make her feel normal and go back to work and be fine and content again. But aurora just opens the fucking floodgates and basically gives it all the sliverist and taboo chats and etc

TO him its like. He doessnt see consequences but also not much direct responsibility in things because 'well anyone can find anything eventually' which. Uhm. Aurora honey starlight would NOT have gone on global had you not gone 'welllll I don't know but all of these people seem to be talking about it :3"

i think starlight genuinely saw aurora as someone with such interesting and open perspective and ast was SO goddamn desprate to be affirmed. and. i mean. Aurora blew it off but Boy Did It Get Affirmed

[daenysx]

hi lovely

So feel free to ignore this if you do not have the mental capacity for it, i just really need to vent but I will understand if you don’t have it in you rn to listen to someone else’s problems.

long story short, i am scared ALL the time, not in a oop im scared of the dark ( i am) way, but more of i am terrified of the endless possibilities of danger, which isnt sensible cause yes there is always possibility for danger but it isnt always just LOOMING you know?

But my mind thinks otherwise and i already have anxiety so a reallu NICE combo yk

I just feel so terrified its actually interfering with my life, everything i do is accompanied by endless thoughts my mind does not take a break im so exhausted, genuinely my thoughts are always racing and im always getting thoughts like okay if i dont leave this light on then something terrible will happen or if i dont idk tidy up the couch then something terrible will happen and like? How am I supposed to live like that? Im so so drained i feel plagued by fear and i do not know what to do , ignorance could really REALLY be a blessing but sadly im someone who’s just too aware , of everything that could go wrong, of everything happening in the world, of every mistake i made and i just wanna crawl in a corner and cry my eyes dry

I think im done

If you made it this far, again im so so sorry if this is too heavy i do not wish to burden you but you make my days better and my mind goes quiet when im on here, i hope you have a spectacular day my love <3333

hi my love!! there's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing what's in your mind with me, please feel free to reach whenever you want. i know these experiences are different for each person and maybe i'm not qualified to offer you solutions but i can always listen

i definitely understand what you mean, maybe you know this because i sometimes share a few things about myself here, most of the time i live alone at another city i study in and i'm away from everyone in my family. i only have friends there but they mostly stay in dormitory so we don't live in close distance. living alone definitely doesn't help with these kind of fears because there's no one else to reach out when something urgent happens, so there's always this part of my brain that keeps telling me to take care of everything and prevent any danger

now i know what i'm talking about is a bit different than your situation but this is my experience with the obligation of being aware of everything i do. and of course it's hard to keep things quiet sometimes, so i understand what it feels like to not being able to shut your brain up sometimes.

at first it was hard for me to trust in what i do, or you know just counting on the ways the world works. but days passed and i saw i can actually take care of myself. and being in control felt good. it's my choice to study there and i can actually do it. this made everything better. i believe every situation is different for every person, this why i also believe your solution can come to you in time. i think it's normal for these things to take lots of time for you to get better and learn how to let go of your fears. maybe it can be a good idea to ask for help from a therapist. i know it's hard to ask for help and i definitely struggle with that but sometimes you don't have to fix everything by yourself and it's okay to reach out.

i know i wrote too much but this was my experience and maybe reading this can help you with yours. please don't hesitate to text me whenever you want, i've been told i'm a good listener<33333

[yomiurinikei]

tsurugi for the ask meme?

god the cws for this damn boy. uhh neglect and also i can’t see kinjomae as healthy w/what happens in the game and that’s discussed so. yeas

- My identity hc for them

gay little beast. he and kouhei had Something going on btw. anyways i also hc him as trans, it’s not one of those things i feel could actually fit into canon. but idgaf!! to me he is trans because i’m trans and so is my boyfriend (do u know him?) and every cool person is trans. tsurugi isn’t cool but i think he deserves a win once so he can have one in the form of getting to be trans!!!

- Thoughts on their home life/family

ogh. im using this bullet point as a chance to talk about stuff i’m not otherwise able to/which i don’t think i’ve shared? but like. agh…. how can anyone put into words literally anything about this little worms life. my hc for his mom is currently that she walked out when tsurugi was fairly young and isn’t interested in. any of it, so it’s just him and juu? so i think tsurugi started being left home alone Very Early, and going with his dad to work was like.. a nice treat away from being by himself for the majority of the day. which probably helped contribute to tsurugis entire identity and existence and everything revolving around his work as a police officer. aaaaaaa.

- How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

i don’t like what linuj did to him in sdra2 because amidst all the other controversies that arose with that game it really just felt lazy and like icky stereotypes. there was better ways to handle a tsurugi who had gotten worse/wasn’t doing well/etc past what happened in sdra2. i don’t like it and it doesn’t feel accurate to what should have happened if we were going to go the route of “tsurugi didn’t magically decide to go to therapy and heal”. i completely understand that people and especially fictional characters can get worse and have negative character development. but it’s the way in which tsurugi acted that felt lazy and ooc to me.

so anyways to retreat into the dark recesses of my brain. he’s so scrunkle… wet dish rag i am wringing all the water out of. i like him in dra i like the narrative role he plays i honestly think he’s v fun. i’ve waxed poetic before (not publicly i think? not about the thing i’m thinking of rn) about the tragedy of what happens to him and how u can read things as all being set up to screw boy over. but it’s just very interesting. i want to squeeze him so bad.

- The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

he and kouhei had frequent sleepovers at kouheis place. i don’t CARE if it doesn’t fit with tsurugis childhood i think kouheis parents were nice to him and cared about him. overall i just think all my thoughts on kouhei and tsurugi should be made canon. i should write a fic…

- My number one favorite ship for them

mmmm… right now it’s tsuhiko but all of the chatting about kouhei makes me wanna say tsuruhei. tbh i’m very versatile in who i ship tsurugi with i think he fits well with a lot of people (in non despair) and so long as there’s someone by his side i don’t really care who it is or if he holds hands with them or not.

- …Now everyone else i ship with them

mmm. kinji obviously, i still like teruya w/tsurugi in some aus, yamato but i’ll be honest i’m kinda weird about them. i think they’re separated. not divorced but separated. but also they’ve never dated they’re just besties. but also they have the most tender interactions. not to use this line but i think they should just have a weird very queer coded friendship where they both Know what the underlying vibe is and both choose to not broach the subject of how charged things are.

- The thing i will NEVER ship

tsurugi undeniably had feelings for yuki and while u can argue about how authentic yukis feelings were (ie were they just there to incentivize him to get closer so as to further damage tsurugi) it was definitely mutual. just again. how Real things were for yuki depends on how separate u view him from utsuro. uhhhhhhm. but just because feelings were there doesn’t mean it’d be good or healthy for them to date !. 

- a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

on my hands and knees fucking begging u all for more kouhei. if i make a p2 of my kouhei hcs will that be enough propaganda. what do u all want from me. uhhh also if there’s one thing i miss from old sdra fandom days it’s tsurugi + kizuna worsties content.

- thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

ah… i definitely prefer his dra color palette over his sdra2 one but that could be because something about his look in sdra2 just feels very off to me. that in mind i fucking hate his pants why are they that shade of blue linuj get off ur knees for that shade of blue. it’s too fucking bright it stands out so much. anyways i understand the uniform but i’d like to see him in like… maybe smthn professional/more formal, but not? the dress shirt and tie. 

- A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

oh god oh fuck if i don’t find a good song this is going to be. so miserable for me and i will get cyber bullied again. uhhh. wires - the neighborhood bc lol make sure u tell him the right wire to cut tsurugi! don’t fuck it up lol! haha it can’t be that hard surely this is the same as all the other bomb diffusals right? right tsurugi? im the ceo of intentionally misinterpreting songs to fit my vision. mkay that’ll work. damn i need to listen to more music before i go do more ask memes

[ssreeder]

ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod it’s HAPPENING this is NOT a DRILL

anyways I’m in bed hacking up a lung and delirious on cough medicine, so this leekie reaction episode is brought to you by Rikodien, our sponser for this evening :D

saw the chapter title and instantly began mentally rubbing my hands together like a greedy little gremlin I’m so EXCITED

oh shit not the suicidal sokka era… man pls just *kachow* back together like an overstretched elastic band bc codependency is wayyyy better than this shit come on dude

okay but like… sokka taking on zuko characteristics due to zuko being out of commission was Not what I expected, and yet I cannot say it’s entirely surprising

“I’m fine” GIRL YOU ARE LITERALLY IN THE MIDST OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

“Sokka wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone” AANG. AANG. PLS I KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE THE GOOD IN OTHERS AND THAT YOURE A PACIFIST BUT. A A N G.

toph my bestie, the loml, an actual angel, yes INDEED why DOES sokka want to murder quon surely there’s a REASON

uh-oh.

not the zuko situation… rasu baby pls hold strong I Cannot have you being captured

aang. it’s times like these where I have to take deep breaths and remember you are 12 years old bc otherwise I will SCREAM

actually side note, but I would be really interested to hear 1. your feelings on iroh 2. your feelings on iroh IN THIS FIC, bc I personally am not a huge iroh fan for a multitude of reasons (sorry not sorry) so I wanna know how I’m supposed to read him in this universe (also just love hearing your thoughts and opinions but also no I don’t we’re divorced shut up)

thank GOD general how has some brain cells fr

suki is the real mvp of this chapter, she has the patience of the saint I honestly could never. FINALLY THE TRUTH YAYYYYY IM OH SO HAPPY TO HEAR SOKKA FINALLY TELL THE TRUTH

goddammit. why are they teenagers the emotions are just always so HIGH ugh I hate hormones. suki was doing so well ;-; (I don’t blame her or anything but DUDE COME ON)

aang and sokka friendship >>>>>

FUCKINF FINALY SOLKA IS GOONG TO ZUKEO OMGBG

ykw I’m just gonna leave those typos. I think they accurately convey my excitement.

sreedie. istg if pt 1 of the zukka reunion is sokka just WATCHING THROUGH A WINDOW IM GOING TO MURDER YOU

oh thank fuck he’s through the window. love you sreedie <3

not iroh just observing sokka go feral as a picture of absolute passivity lmao

okay I know this is a serious moment but I’m really enjoying the liab trivia night that sokka is hosting rn

I am actually,, extraordinarily pleased with how this chapter went. so uh.. no notes (ignore the several hundred words of notes above)

my heart was POUNDING and now I need to rest and recover. love ya sreeds <3

LEEKIE YOURE SICK?!?! (It’s been like almost two weeks so I hope you’re better) the audacity.

I think it’s hilarious how much of a reaction that title got heheeeee I’m funny.

Sokka spent 90% of RIA trying to get Zuko to stop doing what Sokka is spending 100% of ITF doing lol. It’s called progression damn it

Oh gosh my thoughts on Iroh? I don’t know where to start. I kind of want you to read Iroh how you want in this fic & see if you can figure out my feelings about the man from that? Hmmm? Call it… playing hard to get ;) ((just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean we can’t still play games))

Some people were mad at Suki for leaving after Sokka told her everything but seriously she is like what? 16??? Lied to & manipulated by someone she cared about & then told pfft there’s someone else. Nahhh girls allowed to have hurt feelings & she is allowed to want to bitch slap Sokka for that. (Just because Sokka is hurting doesn’t mean he gets to hurt others sorry buddddddyyy)

Hahaha Sokka did a really good job being there for Zuko but a terrible job keeping their closeness a secret haha: <3

LEEEEEKKKKKIIIEEEEE ok I don’t love you because you’re a lightbulb smashing ex wife but I do hope you’re feeling better & if now I’ll toss some soup through your window <3 (ok I still love you byyeeee)

[inmaki]

ask and u shall recieve-- also i lowk meant them separately but honestly??? these along with the prev can also be read as a poly thing and it shouldn't make a difference because why have 1 when you can get both?

this is all set in a non-curse, very normal world college au btw because most of the jjk cast deserve to be happy ok? ok.

i know it's canon that gojo is actually big brained and he can literally do anything if he tries, buuut i also hc that he lacks culinary skills. like, he grew up rich, right? i'd imagine him have his parents' 50 maids cook for him. that or he just goes out to eat most of the time cause he has more pocket money than my entire bank account.

anyway, adding onto that, it becomes a problem when he's sick, because it's either you or geto to come take care of him cause my man can't cook to save a life. one time you got a fever to the point you couldn't get up and he was panicking because he doesn't know how to make soup or congee (savory rice porridge) for you, so he calls suguru in the middle of a lecture and the phone call basically went like

'okay, now add in the vegetables--'

'i burned the broth.'

'you what.'

safe to say suguru skipped the rest of his classes that day.

geto on the other hand, insists that he can take care of himself when he's sick. he only ever asks for you to do stuff for him if it's really bad, otherwise he'll probably just ask for cuddles.

either (or both) of them fall asleep relatively fast already when they're sick, but in your arms??? surrounded by your scent??? out like a light immediately.

yeah okay i still have so much more but i'm gonna stop before i go overboard ackbeuifnebu

p.s. completely unrelated ik but pls tell me i'm not the only one who's getting pissed off about this new wave of p*rn bots. i thought they couldn't get any worse but now they're putting tags on their post that are completely unrelated, and they don't properly censor the thumbnail images they use??? i don't want to have to block certain tags just because of the small minority but it's getting harder to ignore... tumblr get your shit together pls

- 🍉

SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLT HI MELON NONNIE <3 omg im so sorry idk why i read it as like a scenario together but AHSBJHSBS SATORU BURNING BROTHHHH 😭😭 i honestly agree even if its canon that hes good at most things he tries im a firm believer cooking is js NOT one of them,, the best he can do is ramen and barbecue the meat for u 💀

i have a feeling that in the end suguru sneaks over to make your porridge/soup, then gives it to toru who brings it to you and ur js like. wow toru u made this?!!! meanwhile hes smiling nervously like y-yep!!!! HELP i love the idea of toru trying to take care of his sick s/o.. its so entertaining yet adorable

AND YES THOSE BOTS HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY 😭😭 ITS SUCH A JUMPSCARE I HATE THEM idk how blr lets them get away w it 🧌

[angstics]

I have many thoughts about les mis live, and they are all beautiful and complex.

to get it out of the way, things that sucked: the face spotlights were RIDICULOUSLY distracting and ugly use wide spots. the context tidbits are so useless lmao everything is explained in the main songs. it kind of made eponine irritating because she would always appear in these ugly sounding tidbits just to yearn. The surprise is kind of the point. The video effects were kinda distracting BUT also really good which i will expand on later. The tempo was so off, at least to how im used to it. I really dislike how they elongated the notes (though it was impressive tbf). I dislike the weird pauses that were obviously not mistakes. I HATE the line changes. They removed my favorite part of paris look down when the ppl go “whens it gonna end somethings gotta happen now somethings gotta give itll come itll come” then the FANTASTIC fanfare. GOD. Watching it live, i felt act 1 was so rushed — i do think it had abnormally fast tempo… this one’s silly bc it depends on actor intuition but i wish they laughed at the points the characters laugh in the 2010 recording (theres like 3 points that just so perfectly punctuate the sadness). Noticeably awkward staging during rain will help flowers grow. I wish grantaire fell with enjolras SORRY.

Also i wish everyone who talked went to hell, everyone who coughed endlessly took some PILLS, everyone who went up and down the stairs pissed in their seat -_- the worst was when the idiots in front of me (WHO WERE TALKING THE WHOLE SHOOOOOW they were shushed by the usher Three times I need them to be tried for this) were whispering during To love another person is to see the face of god and i wanted to STRANGLE them

anyway, onto the good. And be sure it far outweighs the bad. Great casting, great singing, SUCH a good band, good lighting (spots otherwise). There were no obvious acting missteps that i hear in recordings which was a nice surprise

The set was SOOOOOOOO dynamic and fluid and lighting was used in a simple but CRAZY effective way to morph and splinter the setting. Augh. When the set pushed in during paris, i fell to my kneeeeessss (in my brain). The gate, the barricade, the houses were GORGEOUS

Lighting during the final battle. I wanted to die it was so good. I didnt know or forgot grantaire dies last. I remembered it was voluntary but not like that. Jesus god

There were a lot of surprises in staging acting etc that had me genuinely jump in my seat from shock and delight. I have never acted like that in a theatre, much less for a show ive seen and listened to a MILLION times. Some moments like this: enjolras falling over in the cart and being Dragged out, heart full of love starting so reluctantly (i was DELIGHTED by this it was a nice surprise laugh), the wigs (love), the staging during one day more (god when enjolras is dead center stage haloed by light).... there are so many other moments that had me shook i cant recall rn...

gavroche was so Present in the set, which you really miss in the audio. His little added dialogue bit was my favorite of those. His relationship w grantaire was particularly pronounced, which kinda shifted the source of grantaire’s sacrifice. Ofc there are many reasons he chose to die for the cause, but i hadnt thought one being grantaire seeing the police state for the robbing force it was. Hard yes, but evil. He didnt know it was *evil*. I think that realization was pushed by Gavroche’s killing and something so interesting in the discussion of how sheltered these kids were (or not). Rich boy’s game to play… what did enjloras know…

On the same line, i felt the “message” very strongly seeing it sung at me. Is there a world you long to see… i also felt the faith themes distinctly. Vaguely christian ending lol ill lead you to salvation, the only survivors being a couple. Wait the thenadiers are also a couple. Lol?

On that lot, they were fun and good lol. They changed one of his beggar at the feast lines and it was kind of silly. “this one’s a queer but what can you do” to “this one’s a queer, i might try it too” ????? I dont know if we want to wokeify this guy in particular

There was a part duringggg i think drink with me before grantaire’s verse where both he and enjolras are in the shadows on literal opposite sides of the stage (e is high right upstage, g is low left downstage) and grantaire is staring Right at enjolras. And enjolras turns to him through the first verse. I was watching this going crazy that they actually fanfictionified them i didnt think they would more than ive already seen. There is one movement in particular ive never seen and would have Definitely been in the compilations i watched (lol). This will have its own seperate joke post

Speaking of, watching it live made me realize how Present enjolras and grantaire’s relationship is. Besides the lovey dovey achilles-and-patroclus slash thing, i loooovveeeee their ideological conflict SOOOO much. It is so genuis. So i love that it was center stage when it isnt really in the lyrics (or 2012 film or other adaptations)

And they were both blond. Which was crazy

Javert at the end made me so crazy. Again, the staging — mourning Gavroche, seeing valjean carry marius — shifted how i thought of his suicide as well. I think maybe he had the same awakening as grantaire

Hey guys maybe the police state and prison complex is bad lmfao

The candlesticks at the end ❤️ (this is a bit of hater moment but i was watching the ramin 14 boot and the moment the bishop walks away from him at the end he does the same thing fredric march does where there is a pause and jean is kneeling infront of the bishop and he holds the bishop’s hands to his head in silence and. It is so vulnerable and meaningful and i adore it. And i wish theyd kept that staging)

I always found it weird that eponine is for some reason fantine’s right hand man in heaven. If we’re being haters i still dont like the caricatured costumes and behaviours of “the poor” and “whores” companies. AND they shouldve really tried harder on boy eponine. cut her hair at the very least and mirror her further w fantine -_- well that makes make me like heaven more

This also really made me think about how valjean saw javert as Just A Man, while javert saw himself as The Law. Which they literally say but seeing how they acted around each other cemented it. Javert was so very humanized by his sadness and anger and all that emotion Destroyed him because there is no compassion in the law lol. Maybe there is something wrong with our governments Lol

for a bit that kinda meanders and strays from the main action, they made "heart full of love" et al. really really wonderful. the staging was so great, like marius actually climbing the gate and throwing rocks at her window, cosette running to him, marius and eponine hiding along the gate in times i didnt think they were listing. the thenadier climbs the house set it's so fun

i love that eponine is consistently black. it adds. so much. and i will always judge a production if their eponine is white. this one had a great black actor play her -- her voice was nicely different from the recordings

i liked the video sets, especially when it emphasized character mvmt. sometimes it was bright and looked kind of bad, so the darker the better lol. there was a moment when we dip in the sewers where thenadier enters from upstage center from the darkness of the sewer in the backdrop and it was AWESOME.

OH MY GOD turning -> empty chairs. GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. turning is such an underrated song and they just so beautifully staged it. the all female cast who communicated such different perspectives on the massacre that was a nice change from a monolithic company. and the lights. when i saw theyd set them down, i knew what was coming. and then it came. God. empty chairs. so good. So good.

the choreo during the wedding was great

Enjolras had the red vest. W

god i feel im missing so much. hope i get another cheapo ticket. Eek. im so glad i get to see it at all. limit hit <3

[selznick]

idk fucking know.rant ig??? not big idk

but like i ibly rlly have 1 friend that im close to and thats ive opened up to about my austism and ocd like even a bit,,,,, and like my autism is fine or whatever and sure sometimes idk how to deal with people but its fine and we joke so its cool but my ocd is like,, a legit problem for me that I dont joke about but they will,,,, like sometimes i will casually mention it around them but they will joke abt it and like kool whatever,, ocd isnt happenong rn so idc ig

but like she was telling me how she went to a hincent van gogh exhibit abt his life and depression and how she cried at the 'ear'aser in the giftshop after, , and like its a hood point,,, people like to portray him cutting off his ear as like some cutesy joke or romantic gesrure and not like a seriours mental break down and self harm,,, which like cool she cares abt mental health and uknow the seriousness of it all

except when its roght in front of her??? like i messaged her when i wanted to pour boiling water on my foot to 'clean' it and half my brain was fully on board with it and the other half was like no that will make ot worse stop,,, so i messaged her as like idk a reaching out for some sort of help or distraction from my stupif fukcing brain,,, and she was just like,, no why would you do that? and was just argueing with me,, like thats not logical,,,, and I FUCKIING KNOW THAT WHY DO U THINK THERE ISNT BOILING WATER ON MY FOOT WHILE IM TEXTING U,,, and shes just like but why would u eevn think that,, like rememeber ur precious vincent van gogh and his fucking ear and my fuxking ocd,, and shes just like,, ohhh

and i talk to her when i was worried about getting sepsis from a small cut on my toe,, and shes just like no ur fine, uve not got sepsis obvi,, and like i brought it up again cuz its the only thing my brain would think of,, and she got annoyed that i kept bringing it up and now she fuxking jokes about me being obsessed with sepsis and that i just always think i have sepsis

like sorry my brain literally cant stop worrying abt this shit,, sorry i have phantom pains from my ocd that make me worry more and continue the fucking cycle

anyway today i was like ugh im gonna have a headache after yards,, could just feel one starting before it uknow,, and shes like just drink from the water fountain,, and i tell her i cant bcuz there was like a weird bottle on it and other debris around it and my ocd cant handle that,,, and she just tells me to drink from it and that its not an issue,, and when i was like ya no my ocd rmemeber she says shed drink some from it and then i could becuz were liek made from the same stuff so same body,,, and like how can i explain in a concise way that ya u can drink it fine but u r not me with stupid brain disease that doesnt care for logical conclusions and that no we dont have the same body were not even related and the fact i was vomiting for like an entire day not too long ago so my brain has been pretty weird abt it since,, and i cant so i instead say smth like,, no were not the same body and i was sick at christmas and i would still feel ill or throw up because my brain placebo would still fuck it up

she still pushes me to just drink from the fountain cuz its not a big issue but like to me it is,, another friend had a water bottle and offered me some amd that end the conversation so thank god they were there otherwise id have to argue my own thoughts to someone,,, do you srsly think i want my actions to b this illogical,, no i want to just live and be able to carry on without brain worms controlling what i can and cant do

but like its so frustrating to have to argue logic and reason with my own brain,, i dont want to have to have the same arguement with a friend that cant seem to understand how much it affects me because im not currently screaming crying and cutting my limbs off

and it sucks becuz shes like the only person i an talk to but she just doesnt understand and doesnt seem to care

my finger has a cut on it at the moment,, similar to my toe,, and its fucking with my brain,, only thing i can rlly think of,, but i cant talk to the one person i can talk to becuz its just an annoyance to her and i should just get iver it,,, not like i can feel other pain in parts of my body that my brain is relating to it and not like i had to convince myself that my gums were a normal colour (they were) and not blue black,,,, but i cant even just b like o ya my brain thinks im dying can u distracct me cuz shes just be weird about my mental health and bring it up later as a joke

but i dont rlly joke abt my ocd,, i make some nokes abt having it but not my actual symptoms and i feel weird eevn fully talking abt it in case someone find out, doesnt take it serious and doesn something on purpose to spite/upset me,, so for her to make jokes abt my symptoms without even showsing any sympathy while im going through them just fukcing sucks,,, and like ive not daid anything bcuz idk how to breatch that topic,,,,, ummm i think u dont care abt my mental health and it makes me not want to ever talk to u abt it but at the same time ur the only person i can talk to abt it and the jokes make me super uncomfy please inhenrently knpw what my brain needs thanks,, i just,, ik shell be like sorry im not good at reading ppl so i didnt realise cuz thats what she said abt the van gogh and me boiling water foot thing ,,,, like babes u know abt my asd and ocd and im currently telling u abt my distressing thoughts,,, thats not people skills im fucking telling u im going through it like RIGHT NOW and u just do not care

ok this rant was bigger than i thought,, oop

my arm aches now and i need to frind smth to ditract me from the urge to chop ny finger off 🙃🙃🙃

[enrapture]

Since I’ve failed to keep in touch on certain social medias like this one that I used to be on all the time, I wanted to do a lil update.

I will try to make this as short as I can. (I failed)

I’ve been taking time to reevaluate, work through, come to an understanding and acceptance of certain things. Trying to change within myself & ask myself questions and take my time figuring things out as I tend to be my own worst critic. Trying to move more with love, openness, respect, understanding and honesty are the core elements I desire in life. I will not settle for less but at the same time I will remember that imperfections make us human. No one, thing, is perfect. Everyone fucks up. It’s okay. everyone goes at their own pace in life unless chosen otherwise. Obv depends on the situation but yeah. Moving on… I feel like if I don’t say what comes to mind I’ll forget and it will eat at me if I don’t talk about it or I’ll remember it later and then I’ll talk about it but now it’s too late and it’s considered out of context and then I’m looked at like HUH. So yeah I’m a bit of a mess. LOL.

God I say so much detailed shit that makes 0 sense lmao. This is all a jumbled mess but go on keep reading if you give a shit. ily, for those that take the time to get me, understand my scattered thought brain. You’re dope. Thank you. Anyway, It’s all about within yourself. Feeling your feelings. Experiencing things and surrounding yourself with similar <good> natured people. With Happiness blooms in the bones so to speak. Just doing. Just being. Just flowing. So it goes. Figuring out what I want out of life currently, the people I want to be surrounded by, and work on my mental health. Work on things because I want to and try to become a better person overall. (Speaking of mental, mine hasn’t at all been the best or the easiest this year. taking it one day at a time. Is the nicest way I can put it.Adhd/Depression/anxiety are difficult to juggle.) I know as time goes by life won’t be easy. Trying to accept that. realizations can be impactful. Making actual decisions instead of procrastinations as well as learn and practice accepting things for how they are. For what they were. And not make excuses. I’m working on a lot haha. I’m <trying> to get back into various hobbies such as (art, writing, poetry, photography) as of late all I’ve been doing is working, planning for New York, going out and about, watching films/shows, listening to music, once in a blue moon playing video games (im waiting on my monitor to come in since mine just stopped working for no reason. It’s a Samsung thing HAHA just trust, I’m not the only one it happened to unfortunately) and reading with my time.

For those who don’t know I’m visiting New York for the first time in two weeks and I’m (most likely) moving there in the beginning of the year. Maybeeeee around my birthday (Jan 28th) I dunno yet as of current. But Im thinkin about going to school sometime after everything is settled. I’m taking some time to figure out what I want to do rn. I know I want to take a few classes in art, do something in regards with cinema, maybe do somethin with coding/graphic design??? Idk I have a few things in mind. I just need to take time after running around like a madman getting the house ready/myself ready, work currently and work on balance 🤍🖤 try to not be up in the clouds too long ya feel? I’ve got goals and I’m working at em one day at a time. :,) it’s hard but I think it will all work out in the way it will and it will all make sense eventually. For the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.

It’s a new start. A new beginning. I’m nervous/excited. More growing, learning shitsy shits to do~

Authenticity is sexy. Consideration. Reciprocation. Communication & understanding is sexy. Taking the time to figure yourself out as well as others is sexy. The realization of truly Highs and lows - flaws and growth not being stuck in one or the other for too long despite them are sexier.

Romanticize •positivity• into your life.

And if you’re going through shit, know that it will work itself out soon. Easier said than done, but it will. Everything will make sense in time. Give yourself that time. 💛

As someone who’s been through a lot of unspeakable but some speakable hell, who gets it, trust me you’re meant to be here.

If there’s a sign, this is it.^ stay. Continue on. But yeah update Im probably most likely moving LMAO.

Okay, Phew.