#so then she was able to turn into animals that she ate

[crqelsummer]

reiko is such a Character and i hate her

[rizsu]

professional guide on how to boyfriend jujutsu kaisen ( men ).

⤹ list ﹢ gojō satoru, sukuna ryōmen, chōsō.

﹙ syn ﹚ having near-to-zero experience with serious romantic relationships, it's time to teach them how to romance. the journey won't be easy, but the results will hopefully be fruitful.

extra. songs: betcha (bbh), seven (jk), very nice (svt).

week one : how to flirt as if you were shakespeare. note. refrain from using big words because they sound ‘cool’.

GOJO SATORU — "you're hating on my vocabulary?"

slowly, but very surely, you can feel your stress-meter rise to its peak. if someone were to animate your current expression, there will be three veins protruding out on your forehead to show your stress. it's almost as if it's second-nature for satoru to be annoying. he isn't doing it on purpose, unfortunately, it's just the way he is.

i should've ignored his call, a voice in your head speaks, i really should've. you were enjoying your own presence, simply lazing around during your off-day when three rings disrupted the peace. groaning, you reluctantly picked it up.

"hello—"

"come to enha's bakery, PLEASE," satoru's rushed voice spoke, immediately ending the call after his request-demand.

annoyance dawned and slowly transitioned into confusion. first, he needs to fix his habit of cutting you off. second, with the tone of his voice, maybe you should go.

big mistake.

not only was he chewing your ears off with talking, he also ate half of your pastry. you weren't able to get a full sentence in, he just kept going. dressed in suit and tie, hair styled and gelled up, satoru looked handsomely professional. according to what you've gathered from his rambling, he's been set up with one of the higher ups' daughter for business purposes. he needs to woo her or he's gonna lose a significant amount of pay. the problem? well, his flirting skills aren't all that. his confidence can help him, but it'll only help for a fraction of the date.

"what's the issue? you're handsome," you started, sliding your pastry back to you. "you should be able to woo her with your face alone."

"you are not wrong—"

"i'm never wrong," you cut him off.

"let me speak. anyway, i was informed that she isn't one for looks alone. i don't care about her, but she's the daughter of some high fucker," his voice reeked of defeat.

you weren't well-knowledged in satoru's field of work, but you knew he had it against the "higher ups." well, you had no choice but to know. satoru often thought of you as someone he can be free with — so, in conclusion, you were the victim of his word-vomit moments.

the two of you fell silent, thinking about solutions to save satoru. eyeing the pastry, you pondered your brain. there has to be a way to help satoru. perhaps some walkie-talkies? no, those are too loud. follow him into the restaurant and monitor his behaviour? no, that's too much work. crash his date and ask him why he's cheating on you? no, that'll probably end in your death.

satoru himself is deep in thought, already annoyed at the date that's going to become the bane of his existence in eight hours from now. should he bring you with him? maybe, but you'll deny his offer. should he ask you to pretend to be his girlfriend? no, he'd rather ask without the "pretend."

oh he's fucked.

i'm so fucked.

"wait," you leaned into the table, sporting an expression that says 'i have an idea'.

"yes?" satoru mirrors you, eyes speaking 'tell me'.

"what if i teach you how to flirt? we should have enough time to teach you how to boyfriend, right?" your idea was good. it turned the gears in both minds.

satoru opens his mouth but presses it into a thin line. there's an obstacle in the way of making this idea perfect.

"sounds good but.. the date's... tonight."

"you are fucked."

he nods at your response, feeling the salt rubbing in his wound. i guess i should just—

"but, if we go now we'll have enough time. it's 11AM, we can do it," you tapped your index finger twice on your phone's screen, showing satoru the time. if you move now, success is evident.

"let's go then," agreeing, he stands up, stuffing his car keys into his pocket and opening his wallet.

—

you've run out of pillows and whiteboard markers. the last two hours were spent either scribbling nonsense on a mini-whiteboard or throwing objects at satoru. the teaching isn't working. every lesson you've gone through ended in satoru's failure. is it on purpose? you hope it isn't.

"satoru, for the last time, that does not sound like a real word!" your hand slapped the table, physically showing your frustration.

groaning, satoru throws his head back, "you said use poetic words!"

"what part of scrumdiddlyumptious sounds poetic to you?!" you deadpanned at him.

he slouches further down the couch, grabbing his phone to search the word on google. it took him only one minute to find the word and its definition. raising up from slouching, he leans over the coffee table, stretching an arm out to show you the word.

"scrumdiddlyumptious — adjective · informal 1. (of food) extremely tasty; delicious. 2. (of a person) very attractive."

reluctant to admit defeat, you weaponized the word being informal against him, "it's not formal! you will not use it."

satoru's high of being right dies down immediately. his mouth twitches, eyes looking at you with disbelief.

"babe, you cannot be serious right now."

"babe, i am so serious right now," you mocked him, not thinking too deep into his nickname. there's no meaning behind it anyway. you, too, use babe as platonic name.

eventually, satoru tuned out your voice. he returned back to his previous slouching position, staring at you blankly as your words go in one ear and out the other.

it didn't take long for you to notice his dejected aura. does he hate it that much? you wondered, feeling a slight pity for him.

"don't worry, satoru. it's just one date."

"i will be worrying," satoru counters you, already sour at the date-to-come.

if he were to be honest, the date isn't the problem, nor is the flirting. he believes his flirting skills to be at a decent level. he also doesn't mind spending money on others. it's just that he doesn't want to entertain her. maybe, just maybe, if it were you, he'd be more excited.

you didn't say anything after him, only shooting him an annoying smile. seriously, you don't know what's worrying him. he's basically every girl's eye candy — not to mention, he looks so much like a boyfriend right now. that doesn't make a lot of sense, but if others can see what you're seeing, they'll understand. his white fitted tee accentuates his upper body's muscles, the black sweatpants do its job, his hair that's still styled, and the silver wristwatch on his hand. simple, yet sexy.

SUKUNA RYOMEN — "i'm too old for this shit."

sukuna, your sweet sukuna. your sukuna who's most likely weighing out which option is the better one to shut you up. he doesn't know why he agreed to listen to your rambles at midnight, but he's too far in to call it quitsies.

according to what you told him, you gained the idea of teaching him how to update his romance. it all came crashing to you when you were in the third-quarter of an episode of some random dating show. you blanked out most of the episode, not paying attention as the main objective of watching it was to not stare into nothing while eating.

the show itself didn't interest you, but the concept did. the participants were blindfolded, being told to use their judgement of character to choose their date. they'd have to rely on their personalities and voices to attract someone — a pretty neat idea. looks aren't everything. unfortunately, they might just be for sukuna if he doesn't work on his attitude.

often does sukuna act like he's a fifty-five-years-old office worker named penelope in the management department: old, easily annoyed, and always has something to complain about. you're probably the only human on earth who can handle sukuna for more than a day. of course, this is due to you being similar to him — if not then exactly like him. your attitudes fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces.

sukuna's hands are clasped together behind his head, one leg raised on the bed, and torso out in the open for everyone to view. he's actively listening to you, giving his judgement here and there.

you're sitting with your legs criss-crossed, a pillow in the middle of your thighs, and hands speaking their own language. the habit of using your hands expressively when talking will never leave you.

"...so, if you were to find a girl, you neeed to be kind! no one likes a man with a stick up his ass," you warned sukuna, moving your index finger side-to-side.

"you do," sukuna says, raising an eyebrow at you.

unfortunately, he left you speechless — but not for long! you soon regained your speaking skills after realizing you don't have a good comeback.

coughing two times, you started your lesson again, "anyyyway, always tell her she's beautiful, gorgeous, breathless, or whatever. everyone loves a little compliment about their appearance!"

almost as if it's an automatic setting, sukuna replies, "what if she's facially challenged?"

"OH—" your jaw dropped. "sukuna, you can't just say that!"

he re-positions himself, this time laying on his side with his arm supporting his head.

"if someone's visually impaired i'm telling them."

you sighed, feeling disappointed at his brutual honesty, "what do you even mean by visually impaired?"

"they're ugly," he shrugs.

his tone isn't serious, implying that he's joking but you know he isn't. sukuna's a man of his word; the truth is what leaves his mouth every time. you shouldn't worry — you really, really shouldn't, but what if that's what he thinks about you? are you facially challenged in his eyes? you've gone silent, allowing yourself to drown in the thoughts.

sukuna notices your silence, sighs, and jabs your side with his foot.

"if you're thinking that i believe you're ugly, then stop," he begins, continuing the foot-jabbing-at-your-side-movement when you don't respond. "you're beautiful, believe me. you know i don't lie."

that catches your attention. you feel a sudden heat creeping up the back of your neck. keeping your voice low, you questioned him, still unsure of whether he's being truthful or not, "are you lying?"

"i swear," his voice is firm, reaching his free hand out to your thigh. physical contact to him is very important!

you return to the silence, only this time you lock your eyes in sukuna's. it's up to you to believe whether he's lying or not, and honestly, you don't care. you know he never lies, and you rather enjoy your fantasy instead of the harsh reality ( if he's truly lying ).

CHOSO — "man, fuck all that."

throughout your entire life you never expected to meet someone like choso. he is, in your words, a bitch boy. acts like a bitch, very expressive with his facial expressions, sarcastic, a male, and the worst of all, a little thief.

you humbly thought baking with choso would've been a good idea for celebrating the end of your finals. oh you were so wrong. he's messy, ate half the chocolate chips, and has been stealing spoons of cookie batter. when you confronted him, he simply said, "we can always make more," and shrugged. the audacity!

there's only so much choso someone can handle before they explode.

"you dumb fuck, how can you get a wife with this behaviour?!" you scolded, slapping his hand away from the freshly baked batch of cookies with a whisk.

he immediately retreats his hand, looking at you with an expression that says 'have you gone insane?'

"don't look at me like that," you warned, raising an eyebrow at his very well-hidden annoyance at you.

choso rolls his eyes, this time reaching the uninjured hand for the sprinkles. he sneakily slides the packet to him, intensely watching you to make sure you don't happen to see him committing such a crime. mouthing a little "yes!" at his victory, he empties half the sprinkles in his hand and throws it into his mouth.

"an’ wha’ if i ‘on't care about a wife," his words are muffled due to his mouth being filled with the sprinkles. he tries his best to hide the crunch sound, lowering his head each time he needs to crunch on some.

your back's still turned to him, simply too busy with monitoring sugar-soon-to-be-caramel on the stove.

"you're gonna have to care soon. you don't wanna die alone!" you nagged, making a point to him.

his right eyebrow raises at your words, lips ready to move at your hypocrisy, "you yourself said you don't want a partner!"

"at this point," you stopped, turning around to face choso. "i'm gonna have to teach you how to be a romantic young man."

"what are you implying...?"

"it's time for dating lessons."

"no, thank you."

unfortunately, choso has no say in this household. he had to listen. you sat him down on the chair, making sure he focuses with all his attention and doesn't steal any of the desserts. believe choso when he said he tried to take you seriously. he really did, but your messy apron along with vigorously hand-mixing batter with a serious expression as you talked his ear off caught him off-guard.

"sometimes you even have to get on your knees, choso! i'm telling you."

"i'm not doing all of that," he disagrees.

"oh, trust me. when you're in love you will," you spoke, resting the hand-mixer down to draw an invisible heart in the air.

he doesn't give you a verbal response. instead, he squints his eyes at you. when one's gone, another is born. when one stress is gone, another is born ( your nagging ). he doesn't like it one bit, but at least it's coming from you. he'd rather have you down his ears — whether it's by using your vocals or channeling your inner mother and scolding him.

[hedgehog-moss]

The Great Jungle Fence of ‘23

A majority of you poll-voters expressed the opinion that my fence would stop Pampe for 4 to 7 days and I am very touched by this popular endorsement of my fence-building skills, because her first escape happened after roughly 4 hours.

^ Pampe connoisseurs will know that her preferred way of defeating fences is by karate-chopping them with her neck, but I thought she could only do that if the fence was low enough for her to put some strength in the chop. The jungle fence was at least as tall as Pampe in the place where I found it all droopy-sad after she escaped, so I guess Pampe added a new jump-chop combo attack to her character sheet. I imagine it went something like this:

That’s okay! All new information about Pampe is carefully filed and will contribute to the creation of the Ultimate Fence. I decided to simply make this portion of the fence unneckchoppable by braiding branches from nearby trees into the fence like they did in Indonesia with that living bridge made by knitting the roots of two banyan trees. I ended up using five or six branches so it’d be solid enough, but here’s a pic of the beginning of the process:

The braided-branch part of the fence still stands undefeated, after 20 days. Pampe ate all the leaves but couldn’t get rid of the branches and had to concede this battleground.

I then found her staring pensively (worryingly) at another potential weak point of the fence: the gate. I used a standard wood pallet at first, tied to trees, but it wasn’t very high. I couldn’t add another pallet on top of it because that would make it inoperable as a door, so I went to explore the barn, which like all barns is full of dusty treasures. What object do I own that’s like a pallet, but much taller?

!!

A slatted bed base. Once tied to a tree it swings open easily, but it was an awful chore to carry it all the way across the pasture, I had to wait for a weekend when my mum was going to visit me. That conversation went like:

Me: Do you remember that old bed in the barn? Can you help me carry it (well part of it) across the pasture? Mum: Why on earth Me: Pampe. Fence. Mum: That’s a good reason

I was very proud of my new, impassable gate, but Pampe was weirdly nowhere to be seen as I was setting it up. Usually she’s here carefully observing over my shoulder when I add a new element to a fence, so that was alarming.

In a flash of insight I realised I had been tricked; she’d never had any intention of jumping over the pallet gate. Too easy, too predictable. She’d only examined the gate to scare me into trying to solve this non-problem and force me to use my only trump card (I don’t have several old beds in the barn), and meanwhile she’d gone and jumped over a different pallet in a different part of the fence.

That other pallet had a sheep netting stretched above it, so that a) I thought it was unjump-able, b) Pampe thought it was a more amusing challenge. Poor Baby Poldine was a bit distraught; she clearly didn’t dare to jump to follow her mum but she didn’t want to be left behind once again, so she tried to slip through the net, but that didn’t work either.

Poldine made a baa noise like a traumatised baby goat and Pampe grudgingly turned back to go bump noses with her through the fence, it was a cute mother-daughter moment.

I added a new length of wire mesh (see pink arrow in the below pic) above the pallet to discourage further jumping, and my mum went “So you can remove the sheep netting and use it elsewhere” and I was like, what, no! Do you think they remove parts of the fence every time a Jurassic Park dinosaur escapes? That makes no sense. I’m only going to add more elements to this fence. Forever and ever or until it works.

Pirlouit, a law-abiding animal with very modest fence needs, was starting to look a bit overwhelmed.

Also—for once, Pampe didn’t look annoyed about being escorted back where I wanted her to be, she was kind of bouncy and looked immensely entertained by all this.

I’ll spare you the details but she escaped again, this time by lifting the bottom of the fence in a place where it was weighed down with a crossbar, which she broke in two with the power of her neck. That was easy to fix; instead of a wooden crossbar I weighed down the base of the fence with massive rocks. Go ahead and neck chop those, Pampe. But this time around it had taken me forever to find the spot where she escaped, so I decided to make things easier for myself in the future—I cordoned off the area just outside the fence with police tape between trees, along the whole length of it. This way I’ll see easily where she escaped—the tape is very flimsy and I crisscrossed it in places, so she shouldn’t be able to get past it without breaking it.

... So I suppose I’ll have to start the next post with “You’ll never guess what I caught Pampe doing last night” and a photo of her like

Anyway, Pampe looked unamused this time.

Well, that’s all. For now. Pampérigouste is back in the lawful enclosure with her family and we are waiting for her next move. Here’s a photo of her alone in the unallowed half of her pasture the other evening, contemplating her freedom

[yandere-paramour]

Whats it like when Darling has their first time with Noelle?

First time with Noelle - NSFW

It was hard to pin Noelle down. Ever since you moved in, you two had followed the same routine. She gently encouraged you to work less and less because it made you oh so exhausted, to stay inside for your own safety, to lay back and relax because she would take care of everything. You became a housewife who didn't actually do anything. Noelle had a woman come in to clean and cook and deliver anything that needed delivering, your job, she said, was to be adorable.

And you were. You slept 10 hours every night and usually found the time to take an afternoon nap. You ate and drank when you were supposed to and looked pleased with the praise Noelle heaped upon you when she checked when she came home. You let her dress you in soft, flowy fabrics and coo over what a lovely little sweetheart you were. You even let her bathe you and wash your hair while you lay boneless in the bubbly water.

It was a relaxing existence, albeit a boring one. Any form of entertainment you asked for, Noelle delivered. Any book, streaming service, or gaming console would be delivered, and you were free to browse the internet and try as many new hobbies as you desired. Spending your days with Sasha as company, you lived like a pampered queen, and Noelle worked hard every day to provide for you.

And that was the one problem.

Noelle worked with Ms. Atalanta five, sometimes six, days a week, and the hours were never consistent. Some days she would be gone from before the sun rose to long into the next morning, other days she would be strolling back in the door in early afternoon. This kind of sounded stupid, but it was hard to find time for yourself. Especially... in that way. It seemed that any time the heat started to pool in your core, when your fingers got itchy and started to wander lower and lower, Noelle would come in the door looking for you, and you would have to throw on your clothes and act like you hadn't been furiously masturbating. It was infuriating.

And you couldn't go to Noelle with this. Sure, you two had done some kissing and heavy petting, and while she had been under your shirt, you both had never crossed the waistbands of each other's pants. There just... weren't enough hours in the day, and Noelle really didn't seem interested. You expected her to initiate one day, and you would gladly have spread your legs, but she never did, and you were too shy to do it yourself.

You were really starting to get frustrated. When you moved in, you had brought your toys, but they must've gotten mixed with you and Noelle's things somehow because you hadn't been able to find them. And trust, you had looked. You hated admitting to this, but you were turning into a horny animal.

And the horny was turning your brain to mush. At least, that's how you rationalized it as you lay prone on the bed, blue silk panties in a pool on the floor, your fingers frantically pumping in and out of you as you chased an orgasm too far out of reach. You sure weren't shy anymore.

"And what do we have here?" A familiar voice came from behind you and ice filled your veins.

Your head whirled over your shoulder. You must've looked like an idiot, face down, ass up, fingers still inside you as you looked at Noelle, leaning against the door jamb, eyebrow raised as she took you in.

Slowly, you took your hand out, careful to keep the excess fluid from dripping on the silk sheets. You turned over, trying unsuccessfully to regain some dignity as you pulled the blankets over to cover yourself.

"Hi Noelle," You swallowed dryly, "When did you come home?"

"Just now. And to something interesting, I might add. What are we doing?" Noelle gave you a mildly disapproving look and your face burned with shame, then anger.

"This is your fault!" You exploded at her, "What the hell do I have to do to get you to touch me? I've lived with you for eight months and you never go past kissing! I'm in your bed every night in a silk neglige and no panties! Am I not attractive to you or something?"

You started to lose some steam, and tears came to your eyes, "Don't you love me?"

Noelle was silent for a minute, and you started to wilt. As small as she was, she had an incredibly imposing presence and you had never even spoken sharply to her before, let alone yelled at her like this. You had no idea why she was looking at you in that way, or what she might say or do. You didn't want to admit it, but you were kind of scared.

"Oh, baby..." Noelle looked at you with pitying eyes, "I clearly have not been taking care of you the way you needed. I had no idea, Princess."

Well, this was unexpected, "What?"

"I was trying to take it slow and really ease you in, but I guess I was a little too slow. I just didn't want to push you too fast."

"Huh? What do you-"

"Take off the rest of your clothes. On your back, legs spread. I'm going to the closet for a minute, and you will wait here for me."

"Noelle, I don't understan-"

"Now."

At the sound of her authoritarian voice, you hurried to obey. You tore your shirt off and lay on your back wide open as instructed, your genitals lubricating despite your confusion and apprehension. What was she doing? Was she going to punish you? Was masturbating not allowed here? You had been punished before but never sexually, and Noelle had never made the rule clear if it even existed, but would she listen if you protested? You were unclear how important this was to her; maybe she was angrier than you'd ever seen her and she would spank you. You heard Ms. Atalanta did that to her wife and she reported it was effective at curbing disobedient behavior. But then, why would she order you on your back?

A sound came from your right and you turned to gape. Noelle was naked, every inch of her soft pale body on display and illuminated by day, making her look like a goddess emerging from the sunlight. You had seen her naked before, you both bathed together most nights, but you had never seen the harness and erect dildo she had strapped to her front. The contraption was massive, making Noelle's body look smaller in comparison, and what little ration you had left in your body wondered if it would fit. You weren't a virgin, but you were tight and unsure if you would stretch to fit that mammoth thing inside you.

You tried to sit up, but she was on you in seconds, that snake on the front of her body lining up with your hole. You stilled, and some of the fear must have bled into your eyes because Noelle paused. She put her hands on your face, making you look her in the eye.

"Are you scared? I'll stop if you're scared," She said.

"I-I'm not scared, just... will that fit?"

Noelle popped two fingers down to check you, "It'll be a little of a stretch but you can take me. I'm sure of it."

"I-I can?"

She grinned, and the love in her eyes comforted you, "You're my girl. I know you can."

With that, she entered you in one swift motion. She surprised you, enabling your muscles not to tense up until she was fully inside. You yelped, more in surprise than discomfort, and Noelle chuckled. She was right; you had been able to take her with little more than the burn as you stretched deliciously around her. She gave you only a few seconds to get used to the feeling of her inside you before she started. She was only gentle for a few strokes before she truly found her rhythm, folding up your legs onto her shoulders in a mating press so she could fuck you harder. She pounded into you roughly, the soft mattress bouncing you up and down as you struggled to keep yourself steady. Noelle's soft grunts came with every stroke and you mewled like a kitten and drooled as she took you.

It truly surprised you the strength this small woman had in her body. She mounted you like an animal, pumping away with everything she had. You could see the strain in her muscles, and you wanted her to take a break and rest before she exhausted herself, but all your mouth could say was "Yes" and "More" and "Please please please".

Ever the observer, Noelle noticed when you were nearing orgasm. She growled something dominating in your voice, commanding you to orgasm for her, and you howled like a coyote as you came. Tears rolled down your face, and you collapsed dizzy, exhausted, and sweating back onto the bed. You must've looked like a sight, fucked into a state of bliss and drenched in your own fluids. Noelle pulled out of you, looking down at you warmly as she swiped some of you off the dildo, bringing her fingers to her mouth to taste you.

"I knew you would be sweet," She chuckled, lightly pinching your cheek in a gesture of fondness.

"N-Noelle, that was-"

"I know, Princess. Try and relax, okay? Let me take care of you."

"Take... care of me?"

"You've lost a lot of fluids," She gestured between your legs, "Let me get you some water."

"No," You grabbed her arm to keep from leaving you, "Not yet. Don't go yet."

"I'm not leaving you, sweetheart. I'm just going to get you some water and something quick to eat."

You gave her your softest, most pathetic gaze, "Not yet, please? I just want to cuddle first."

Noelle froze for a second in that shocked look she always gave you when you surprised her, then softened, "Well I can't deny that request. Scoot over, baby."

Noelle slipped the harness off her hips and dropped it on the floor to clean later. She slid in behind you, tucking her body around yours, and you curled in response to her becoming the big spoon. It was safe here in her arms; she was so much stronger, smarter, more ambitious than you. It was easier for you to just settle in her arms, content to be a pretty pet for her to love and care for and occasionally reward with a good fucking. Maybe the necklace she gave you was her inconspicuous way of collaring you, her way of marking you as hers before others, or even you, knew for sure.

Noelle whispered about how good you were, how well you took every little thing she gave you and how perfect you looked with her cock spearing you in half. You listened, her words liquefying your mind and the pleasant tingling in your used genitals soothing your body. You would be sore later, but now you were snug in her arms, the hormones of your orgasm and the soft song Noelle hummed putting you to sleep.

She kissed your forehead, and you made a soft, sleepy noise in response.

Noelle chuckled, "Go to sleep, angel. I'll be here when you wake up, and you and I can have a long conversation about new expectations when you wake up."

You made a confused sound, and she patted your head and hushed you.

"I know, Princess," Noelle pacified you, "I know what you want and I promise, I'll do that a lot more often. I'd give you anything, remember?"

You gave a small happy wiggle and snuggled back in, pleased that your amazing girlfriend knew you better than you knew yourself, and had promised to fuck you like a dog in heat more frequently.

[yukioos]

hiiii ♥️♥️♥️

I have a request for wade Wilson ♥️🖤♥️🖤♥️🖤

So I was thinking like a friends to lovers kinda thing where they're doing a sleepover and a pillow fight happens and then they just end up confessing their feelings? This sounds so silly my bad.

Thank u in advance. 🤍🤍🤍

espresso — wade wilson x reader

warnings: confessions, reader overthinks and worries wade might not regenerate, wade calls reader ‘pookie bear,’ not proofread

summary: reader and wade have a sleepover and have a pillow fight. they end up confessing to one another.

authors note: from the start will probably come out on monday-wednesday! i haven’t been able to watch the x-men movies in a while so the logan oneshots might not be as accurate until i watch them again. this request isn’t silly btw, i think it’s so cute and im glad you requested it! you have amazing manners and thank you! enjoy 🎀

word count: 1.4k

next door to wade’s apartment, you and wade lay on your bed in your apartment. mean girls begins to play on the large screen in front of you. you hear soft sounds from it, the scene where cady gets invited to karen, regina and gretchen’s table plays. wade makes comments as the movie plays.

he suddenly asks, “do you have face masks? the cool clay green ones that make your face smooth? i mean, it probably won’t work on me but maybe it’ll look cool.” animating his words, rubbing his face.

“yeah, i do! i have the container in my bathroom. i’ll go get it, hang on!” you exclaim.

you pat his thigh as a quick goodbye, knowing you’ll be back. you swing your legs over your bed and hop off, walking a few steps to your bathroom. you place your hand on the handle, open the door, and grab a green container.

you look around the counter for a spatula to spread the clay with. eventually, after opening a drawer, you find it and pick it up. with both items in your hand, you head back over to wade, whose attention is on the large screen in front of him.

he turns his head in your direction when he hears your footsteps, “ooh! is that the clay mask thing? looks yummy. oh, did i tell you about the calamari i had yesterday?” he pauses.

he told you about the calamari as soon as he ate it and sent you photos and texts as he was in that restaurant.

but you lie, enjoying hearing him speak, “no, but how about i put the mask on you while you tell me?”

he nods and begins to rant, you pick up the container and turn the lid. scooping up some of the clay with the spatula, and gently holding his face in your palm. his eyes are focused on yours as he continues to talk.

you spread the clay on his forehead, scooping up more when there’s no more on the spatula. you nod at his words, he switches subjects every couple of minutes. once the green mask covers most of his face and looks pretty, you put the spatula down and start spreading the paste on your face.

you look at yourself in a hand mirror, listening to wade talk about negasonic teenage warhead and her girlfriend.

“you know, yukio is so sweet and has that pink hair, the total opposite of her girlfriend! she always says her hello’s and goodbye’s to me whenever we see each other or leave!”

you agree, “yeah, she’s a real sweetheart. her hair’s adorable, real talented girl.” both of you admire her.

you talk about multiple things in ten minutes, switching subjects constantly. you then tap wade’s shoulder to warn him it’s time to wash the paste off. you gently grab his arm and tug, leading him to the bathroom.

“move your head near the sink and wash your face with the water,” you instruct, looking up at him.

he nods, you turn the water on and make it a lukewarm temperature before smiling at him. he lowers his head down and runs his hands under the stream, rubbing his face. he brings his head back up after a minute, and you see green spots on his face.

he keeps his eyes squeezed shut and asks, “can i have a washcloth? i don’t want my eyes to hurt.”

you state, “yeah, give me a minute. you have some paste on your face.”

you bring your hand up to his face, wiping spots of paste with your thumb. although his face is scarred, he’s the most handsome person in your eyes. you then grab a washcloth from a hanger and gently press it on his face, careful to not irritate his skin.

“does that feel fine?” you ask, feeling him nod against your hand.

you place the washcloth in his hand and lean down to place your face under the water. you gently rub your face to get rid of the paste, feeling wade’s presence behind you. once you bring up your head after washing thoroughly, a washcloth is placed in your hands.

“the material of that washcloth was so soft! oh, one time when i was on a mission, i was at a hotel and i wore those super soft robes. oh, the material made me want to bust all over the—” you continue to listen to him talk, he pauses every couple of minutes to switch topics.

you nod at the words he says, asking questions in between to keep him entertained. after you dry your face with the washcloth, you place them on the counter and walk back to your bed with wade.

the two of you lay on your bed together and continue to watch mean girls, you lay your legs on his.

as you are distracted, you suddenly feel a soft pillow hit your chest. you groan and hold your chest, look to wade, and see a smile on his face. you grab the pillow behind you and hit his chest hard, causing him to wheeze.

he grabs one of the pillows and immediately starts softly hitting you, enough to notice the impact but not enough to feel pain. giggles fill the room as you continue hitting each other and failing to dodge the hits.

being wade’s best friend is always fun, you get to hear about his missions and be apart of them once in a while. you’re the first person he comes to when something happens in his life or he gets exciting news, and vice versa.

but you want more. there’s nothing you want more than to be in a relationship with him, although he’s a busy man. you don’t know if he’d take it seriously if you told him you like him, you blush every time you talk to him.

the thought that he wouldn’t regenerate his health one day has haunted you for years. you always hug him and say sweet words before he goes on a mission. it always seems like his life meant nothing to him because he’d always regenerate.

“you okay? did i hit you too hard? i’m too good, aren’t i?” he asks, teasing you, “but really, you kinda zoned out. are you okay?” his eyes are filled with concern.

you look down in hesitation before you blurt out, “i like you.” you pause, “i’m sorry that now might not be a good time but i really wanna cherish everything we have because you’re a really good person. i just worry every time you go on a mission because i don’t know if you’re coming back. you always act like it’s nothing to you but i get worried your healing thing won’t work when you need it to.”

you keep your eyes focused on the pillow on your lap, wade sits across from you and replies, “i like you too. not like, i mean i do like you but i mean, you know what i mean.”

you sheepishly smile and you feel warm, “really?”

he smiles at you and nods, “i’ve liked you for years! i never told you because you complained about one of your guy best friends telling you he likes you, and, well, that happened a lot. i mean i understand why they like you but since you didn’t like them liking you, i thought you wouldn’t like me liking you. you’re the only person who matches my freak.”

you stare at him and smile, “so we can figure out what we’re gonna be later?”

he nods and agrees, “yeah, but can we continue watching the movie?”

you nod and both of you place the pillows down behind you. you curl up next to wade, who lovingly places a hand on your back for safety and stability. you feel a soft blanket being draped on your and his body.

“night, wade,” you state, closing your eyes.

“night, pookie bear,” he replies, making you chuckle.

you fall asleep in his warm arms, feeling protected and loved.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

All Kinds of Trouble

Alfie Solomons x Reader, Fluff, 1.2k words

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Hi guys!! Ok so maybe hiatus is over? I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not hold myself to high standards in posting schedules. Again, therapy and Bar prep are a lot to handle rn, but I was able to do this little piece! This is based of a request sent in by my sweet friend @jassiefayee !!!! I hope you enjoy this angel!! Anyway, love you all so much! Have an amazing day!

Alfie didn’t find peace in many things. The business and all. Made him toss and turn at night, and in the daylight caused him to explode from the pure idiocy of people around him.

But walks in the park with Cyril? Now that gave him peace. With Cyril by his side, anyone who may have wanted to cause trouble stayed far away. Cyril’s imposing stature and mean looking face kept many men looking to scrap at bay, but little did they know that Cyril was by far the sweetest dog in Camden. And the fresh air did Alfie good. Being out in the park, feeling the breeze, hearing children and birds milling about created a sort of temple for him. A quiet place for him to let his mind rest, talk to himself (or God if he had a particular question), or just hum to the beat of Cyril's paws on the ground. This was his rest. This was his peace.

Now it should be noted, that one of the reasons that Alfie loved this particular park was that it was free of distractions for both him and Cyril. While Cyril was a very sweet and good natured dog who hardly ever caused an unnecessary ruckus, he was still a dog. And dogs have this strange habit, if not fantastic ability, to completely change the course of their owner's life.

So it was during a brisk walk on a fine November day where Alfie was suddenly pulled with all the force of heaven’s angels by Cyril’s lead through the park. And just as quick as he was yanked he was halted, nearly tripping over his boots and coat, and falling into Cyril and what might possibly be one of those treacherous angels.

It had become a relatively new habit for you to take a few moments of your day to sit in the park. Whether strolling, reading, or simply listening to the music of the city, you found the meditative state you entered in the park particularly divine. Spending all day cooped up in the house was not doing anyone any favors, and your mother insisted that you look at the sky, breathe in fresh air, or do something to get your energy out. And you enjoyed the respite from your family’s eyes and ears, and the view you caught of other people’s comings and goings. Often making up stories for the familiar faces that passed your eyes.

You had seen Mr. Solomons and his a dog before. It was hard to miss them. Both imposing. Even if Mr. Solomons wasn’t physically too tall, the air in which he carried himself made him seem absolutely monstrous. And the dog he walked along with came with a silent stature to match. When you mentioned to your mother that Mr. Solomons frequented your park, she all but forbid you to go to the park again. He was dangerous. A brute. Nothing good was associated with him. He was an animal. Damned.

Everyone in Camden had a story about Mr. Solomons. Even if they personally had never met him, they knew someone who knew someone who had crossed his path and suffered greatly. Fewer than those who crossed his path, were the women who had the pleasure of spending an evening with him. Demanding. Particular. Incredibly cross with hardly a smile crossing his firm mouth and creased brow. You had heard them all, many a time. And each time you heard the stories more fantastical and gory and outrageous they became. From the way the neighbors spoke of him, he might has well been an ogre who ate good men for supper. A confidant of the devil himself.

Yet those stories never deterred you from letting your eyes wander over to him when he made his way to the park. Surely observing doesn’t damn one’s soul right? And wondering if stories are true surely cannot condemn. Besides, he was never close enough to truly make a difference. A glance and gaze and thought were all that you experienced with the fearsome King of Camden. Until this afternoon, when that monstrous dog came charging at you with a gleeful and slobbery smile. And for whatever reason you never moved from your seat. You stayed planted on your spot on the bench, waiting for whatever was to come. And your supposed attack was merely a disgusting kiss to the neck and chin from the dog, and happy pants from it as well. It’s master, cursing and bellowing at hundred pound puppy who was uninterested in the threats of its flustered master.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the reddened face of Mr. Solomons, clearly out of breathe from the exertion of the sudden chase. “Mr. Solomons are you quite alright? Do you need to sit?”

“Hmm? No, no don’t worry about me angel, m’fine. This damn dog knows better than to run full force in a park. You alright love? Hope Cyril didn’t scare ya.”

You smiled warmly at him, and he was convinced he must have died in the chase and gone to Heaven. Your sweet eyes and tempting lips all too pretty to be here in Camden. You scratched Cyril’s ears before answering, "Oh no Mr. Solomons, I'm fine. Cyril here is very very sweet."

"Now treacle, I think I'm at a disadvantage. Don't like that at all me. Now how is it yeah, that you know my name and now my dog's name... but I don't get to know your name sweetness?"

With a quirked brow you answer, "Oh Mr. Solomons, everyone knows your name. The ferocious King of Camden, and his demon dog. Lots of tales about you Mr. Solomons.”

Alfie allowed himself a smile at your cheek, “Lots of stories eh? Which one is your favorite?”

“The one where you bested the devil himself in a game of chess and won the keys to hell.”

Alfie made himself comfortable next to you on the bench, making sure that his thigh touched yours, “Is that so? Your mum tell you that little one?”

You shook your head, “No sir. She told me I wasn’t to go near you.”

“And yet here you are, talking to bad men. Tsk tsk tsk. Naughty ain’t you?”

“It’s fun to be naughty sometimes. Don’t you agree Mr. Solomons?”

Alfie couldn’t help but bring his shiny rings to your cheek, taking stock of your face. You never flinched away, keeping fiery eyes locked on his. He hummed a tune you didn’t know, and stated, “There’s an opera tonight at 8. You’ll come with me. Wear something nice.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange men.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange women. Yet here we are sweet. I thought you liked being naughty.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his brazenness. In truth, you couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to get this far. But it was too delicious to let go now. “You’ll pick me up on the corner of 10th and Victoria? At 6pm.”

“Now what will I do with you for two hours before the play treacle?”

You shrugged, “Show me how the King of Camden has a good night.”

Alfie laughed heartily, “Fuck me you really are a bad little thing aren’t you. Alright sweetness, I’ll pick you up there at 6. And let’s see what we can get up to.”

[albertdabuttler]

Masked Adversary | D.L.

MASTERLIST

this fics masterlist

fandom: Kick-Ass

pairings: Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass x F!Reader

WARNINGS: cussing, suggestive thoughts?? mentions of kissing 👅👅, angst and overthinking cause im a hater. SLOW BURN :P

summary: You and Dave have lost a childhood friendship. The circumstances have made you grow to despise one another, until KickAss has no one else to turn to but you, causing him to develop a small crush. The only problem being that you don't know it's him.

WC: Like 3k idk

Guys lmk if I ate…

———————

You had just finished showering when you heard your mom calling your name, telling you there was someone at the door for you. Thankfully, you were dressed and had finished drying your hair already. “Coming!” Opening the door of your steamy bathroom, you were met with Dave walking past to your room.

“I already sent him up!” She called from downstairs, far too late.

“Hey,” You spoke in a rather awkward tone, slipping past him towards your room as he followed. “Uh, sorry if it’s a little messy, I was gonna organize it before you got here but you got here already so… Yeah.” You picked up everything from your desk, taking your things to your bed to study comfortably.

Dave stood there awkwardly, not sure if he should also sit on your bed with you or… Anywhere else.

“Come on, dude,” you scoffed in amusement, patting your bed to get him to sit down. He laughed nervously, setting his bag next to your bed and taking his notebook and pen out. He sat down across from you, at the end of your bed while you sat by your pillows.

“Nice shirt,” he said, seeing the Robin shirt you were wearing and remembering he had drenched it in his blood. You looked down at it, smiling to yourself. “I found it in my closet yesterday and… I—I just washed it.” Dave himself was just wearing a tee and sweats.

“Okay, so I was able to get half of my stuff done after you dropped me off earlier, but I still have this part to finish.” You pointed at your laptop, showing him what you still had to write and continued to talk about what else you had to finish.

It was a project for science. The two of you had to put together a presentation on some animals or something.

“So…” you tapped your pen against your knee.

Finishing writing a sentence, he lifted his eyes to look at you, “Yeah?”

Was it just you or was he actually starting to look… Good?

“Um…” You looked to the side as you thought of an ice breaker. “You had any girlfriends yet?”

He blushed and smiled awkwardly, “Uh…” Scoffing at himself, he looked around as if an answer would pop into his view. “Not really… Why…?” He squinted at you.

“Hm. Still a loser I see. Glad to know you haven’t changed.” You teased. He only rolled his eyes, looking back down at his paper.

“You’re so annoying. Didn’t you get dumped like three times?”

“Unbelievable,” you watched him, rolling your eyes. “When you get a girlfriend you can talk shit.”

He smirked. “You’re not denying it.”

You glared at him. “I dumped them.”

“Right.” He looked back down at his notebook, trying to hold back a smile.

You glanced up at him again, taking in his features, the way his glasses slowly slid down his nose as he looked down, the way his bottom lip was caught between his teeth in concentration.

Before you knew it, he was looking up at you with a curious look. “…What?”

You blinked, hiding the flustered feeling you got from him catching you staring.

“You’re also not as incredibly nerdy looking as I remember.”

He can only glare at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But alas, he hoped it meant you were attracted to him. At least almost as much as he was to you.

“Nothing you just… Don’t look so bad after all this time.”

He quickly looked back down at his notebook, unsure of how to feel from the so called ‘compliment.’ Although his heart was pounding through his ribcage, he decided to tease.

“You think I’m cute?” He gave you a smolder.

“Oh hell no.” You scoffed at the stupid face he made.

“Maybe.”

Even if you had whispered that last part, he still heard it.

You had spent almost an hour working on your project before you heard your dad knock at your door. You had no time to answer before he opened it.

“Dinner’s ready.” He said, smirking at Dave. “Keep the door open.”

You rolled your eyes. “Dad, you know it’s not like that.”

Dave and your father had a very good relationship before you had stopped being friends. There were even times where your dad would go out of his way to invite Dave and his dad over for dinner. They even had their own inside jokes.

“Don’t worry, sir.” Dave shook his head, “I’m way out of her league.” He had a smug look on his face that made you want to shove him out of your house.

“Up top,” said your dad, holding his hand up as Dave stood up. You knew your dad loved you and was just teasing, but it still annoyed you.

“You guys suck.” You said, pushing past your dad and meeting your mom in the kitchen while they laughed.

If it was any other guy, like your last boyfriend, your dad would have beat his ass for saying something like that. But it was Dave, and Dave was like the son your dad never had.

“Love you, hun.” Your dad called after you but you didn’t reply.

You set the dinner table quickly, sitting down as your mom set the food down.

Your dad sat at the end of the table with your mom across from you, Dave’s usual spot had always been next to you and that didn’t change.

“Where have you been? We missed you, kid.” Said your dad, already digging in.

Dave gave you a look, wondering why you hadn’t told your parents your reason for not being friends.

“I dunno… Just been busy, I guess.” He said quietly.

“Why haven’t you come over?” Your mom asked.

Dave and you looked at each other for a second, “We just didn’t really talk much after freshman year ‘cause we didn’t have any classes together.” You told her, which wasn’t really a lie. You and Dave didn’t have any classes together freshman year.

“That’s sad,” she frowned, “you two were always inseparable.” She smiled at Dave fondly.

Dave only poked at his food, “Yeah,” he said, smiling to himself.

You had finished eating, everyone continuing to converse here and there with their on food still on their plates when you felt Dave’s knee touch your thigh. He didn’t pull away, and neither did you to see what he would do. He only kept talking to your parents, completely ignoring the fact his body was touching yours.

Of course he actually did realize this. In his head he had done it on purpose just to see how you’d react. You tried to stop thinking about it for the rest of dinner.

You weren’t mad or uncomfortable, of course it had happened before, but it felt different somehow. Familiar.

“So have you guys gone on any dates yet?” Asked your mother, out of nowhere.

You froze, staring at her. Dave choked on his drink, coughing over and over again, trying to catch his breath but he didn’t seem to tone it down. His face was red because of this. And other reasons.

“Sorry.” Your mom hid a smile, seeing Dave’s reaction gave her more than enough answers on his part.

She gave you a knowing look and you sent her a look of disgust.

"Gross." You said, repeating Dave's words from earlier that day. Dave finally cleared his throat of whatever he choked on and tried to back you up. His knee wasn't touching you anymore, you noticed.

"What she said," he pointed his thumb at you, voice hoarse.

"You've never even thought about getting together!?" Your mom looked surprised. At this, you couldn't help but do exactly that. What it would be like to go on a date with him, maybe getting a coffee at Atomic Comics, maybe watch the Avengers movie that was about to come out in theaters. What it would be like to hold hands at school, how surprised everyone would be since you guys seemed to hate each other so much. What Cleo would say, what Todd and Marty would say.

What you would have to tell Kick-Ass if he climbed into your window again.

'Hey I know I patched you up and stuff and kinda stopped you from bleeding out, and I know we kissed like three times but guess what?! I have a boyfriend and I can't talk to you anymore.'

And what it would be like to kiss Dave. If he would be any good at it, or if he still hasn't gotten laid because he's too much of a pussy to talk to girls. How it would feel if he had his hands all over you, his lips brushing yours, how it would feel if he was kissing your neck softly—

"You guys have much in common." Your dad smiled slyly at you two, snapping you out of your daydream.

Why had you let your mind wander that far?!

Dave stared at his food, his face an obvious red.

"Okay, that's a wrap..." You cleared your throat, pursing your lips. You excused yourself from the table, picking up your dish and Dave followed, “Thanks for the food,” Dave smiled at your mom as you took your dishes to the sink.

"Sorry about that," you spoke as you approached the top of the stairs.

"I—It's fine." He brushed it off, sitting down on your bed as you shut the door.

It was silent for a few moments as you scrolled through an article on your laptop, Dave reading from his drafts.

"Have you even had your first kiss yet?" You questioned out of the blue.

His eyes shot up, hesitating for a second before regaining his composure.

"Yeah. Sixth grade, remember?" He said proudly. "Have you?"

"Yes, dumbass. You know this." you scoffed.

"With who?"

"Remember Freddy? The brunet guy that called you a nerd in second grade and you never got over it? He was my first boyfriend."

"Lame." He rolled his eyes. "Smart-mouth like him I bet it was the best kiss you ever had." He shot.

"Wrong. Best kiss I ever had was with Kick-Ass." You crossed your arms sassily.

It was safe to say that Dave was flattered. "Oh really? You don't even know him though, so it doesn't really count."

"Maybe I don't know who he is, but I do know that he actually likes me. I just have to find out who he is. He’s probably hot or whatever…”

Dave blinked in awe. "He might not like you… He could just be using you. Why are you kissing random guys anyway? Are you really that desperate…?”

“No?! He just made it obvious, okay? And why are you getting all weird? Are you jealous…?”

“Me? Jealous of him? Fuck no, I’d rather be stitched up by a damn chimp than you with your terrible needle skills.”

You paused. “How did you know I needed to stitch him up…?”

He was able to answer before hesitating, “Cleo told us when you left for fourth period.”

“Fine whatever. Just piss off dude, at least I talk to the opposite sex.” You huffed.

He stared at you for a moment and you laughed at his expression, himself joining you soon after. A few moments later you noticed yourself looking at him too often. Like you were expecting him to say something.

“…What?” Dave slowly looked up at you from his notebook, noticing your lasting gaze.

“I—“ you thought for a moment, figuring out a way to explain yourself. Suddenly, you sat closer to him, pulling his glasses off his face before putting them on yourself.

“Holy shit, you’re blind.” You teased.

“Shut up.” He scoffed, “you’re exaggerating.”

You took a moment to look at him, noticing the big difference without his glasses. Dave watched you expectantly.

“You look weird with glasses.” A smirk threatened to creep up on his lips. You only scoffed.

“And here I was thinking you looked cuter without them.”

He blinked, losing his words and you began to notice a pink upon his face. He laughed nervously, swallowing whatever was in his throat as he looked away at his notebook, trying to pretend like he didn’t hear you.

You smiled, feeling a sudden urge to tease him in a flirty way. “Did you hear what I said?”

Dave looked back up at you. “What?”

“You should wear contacts. You have really pretty eyes.” You looked at his lips for a moment, licking your own, picturing yourself kissing Dave.

“Um… Thanks…” His heart rate began to quicken as he tried keeping his gaze on you, noticing how you looked at his lips. All of a sudden, he grew bold, looking at your lips too.

“What are you looking at?” He asked curiously.

You blinked and looked up at his eyes, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of your nose. “Nothing.”

“You know… I had a crush on you in eighth grade.” He whispered.

You laughed, “What?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I don’t know how my taste was that terrible at any point in my life.” He tutted.

“Fuck you.” You laughed softly. “You’re such an asshole, you know that?”

He held back a smile, tracing his eyes over your features.

The two of you stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until you felt yourself being pulled closer to him. He leaned towards you as well until his face was just a few inches from yours, his hand resting next to your leg to hold himself up.

Finally, he began closing the distance, trying to ease into it as if not to scare you. His lips barely made it to yours before you pulled away, removing his glasses from your face and placing them back on his with a smile.

“We should finish this…” You sighed.

His face was noticeably red again, especially from the embarrassment of you pulling away. He felt like an idiot, thinking you actually wanted to kiss him. He didn’t question you or anything, but he still wanted to understand why you’d lure him in like that only to rip it from his grasp.

"Oh fuck, it's already ten past nine," spoke Dave, putting his things away.

"I would say you could sleep over like you used to, but I don't want my parents saying shit like that ever again. Plus Kick-Ass could come over and I don’t want him to think I’m with a nerd or whatever.” You teased.

Giggling, he stood up with his bag in hand, you followed him to the front door.

"Thanks for having me," he smiled as he walked past your parents in the living room. He opened the door for you, stepping out after you.

"Thanks for studying with me... And dinner." He spoke softly, giving a small smile.

"Yeah..." You stood in front of him, admiring his features as he towered over you. He had a strong jaw, soft plump lips, a cute nose, perfect eyebrows (for a guy), and beautiful blue eyes behind his glasses. His curls fell over his forehead—were you looking at him too long? You felt like a creep for just staring at him for what felt like hours. You knew it had to be weird. But what you didn't know was that he was admiring you too.

He was standing so close, close enough for you to right hook him. You looked at his eyes 'til you caught him glancing at your lips. He wanted to kiss you again, like he did yesterday, but he knew he couldn't. Not as himself, at least.

For some strange reason you moved closer to him, not knowing why or what your motive was.

"See you Monday." He took a step back, pursing his lips with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"We—You can come over tomorrow if you want...?" You tried, but to do what? Why did you want him back here again so soon?

"Uh—I have stuff this weekend... But I'll text you if any plans change..." He slowly walked backwards onto the sidewalk. He felt bad for lying again. He couldn't keep this up much longer.

———————

SLOW BURN MUTHAFUCKAS 🗣️🔥🔥

TAGS BC YOU ASKED!! @iliterallydontexistlol @esmestarz @pernandofalonso @lizzxoxo @real-sharena-h @iheartdilfs01 @friendlyneighborhoodhottie @popejar

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

I make four Milf Models on the list (and a Fifth on in Shiranui) and then I go and find Six more 'Mature' Gems! Dammit...

Anyways let me introduce the Six new candidates.

1.) Cattleya (Queen's Blade)

Not gonna like, I know noithing besides that she has huge tits, glasses and is a blacksmith with hella muscle... That is more then enough! I would make her son and Jaune friends, and Cattleya is the only woman the Arc trust to forge their weapons and upkeep them. Her son Rana is one of the only people Jaune trust around his sisters.

2.) Kie Kamado (Demon Slayer)

So truth be told, I have not watched Demon Slayer... And this woman and her four dead kids are why! Like THE FUQ!? Jesus man this crap broke my heart, I... I just moved right along to happy anime cuz that shit makes me sad as fuck... So yeah they would live in Ansel, and she would be Juniper's best friend and one of the very few women he can understand the sheer difficulties of raising a small team of children. But worst, because she has to do it alone... Then Grimm attack, and while everyone else is trying to protect their own. Little Jaune rushes to help his best friend Tanjiro and his siblings! Auraless and with only his families sword in hand that he can barely wield the two boys actually manage to kill a Beowulf and proceed to get them to the safety of the Arc House.

3.) Shizu Shinazugawa (Demon Slayer)

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!!! Seriously this woman somehow had a worst death then Kie! SHE ATE HER KIDS!!! WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL!!! OH! AND LETS NOT FORGET THAT SHE WAS GETTEN BEATEN BY HER HUSBAND!!! God Dammit, at this point I'm starting to think it's a good thing pig boy was raised by boars. If his mom had been with him instead of abandoning him in thew woods (I assume) she'd probably be dead too! Much less lightening whiney bitch I swear don't give him a tragic backstory too! I do not want to like him... As for shizu, Imma play the Cardin card, and say the two older brothers are bullies in Ansel. Lashing out at others because of their abusive father and of course Jaune is a very ripe target, the envy of the pair because of his kind strong father. Jaune is mad, but after talking to his sisters he decides to invite the boys over to dinner, and try to be friends, after all like his mom says, friends are just strangers you haven't met yet. And besides... Their like him and Tanjiro, he heard they have a lot of siblings too. They should make a club together! It is as little Jaune is having these thoughts that he stumbles upon it... then father beating them, them and their poor mom! And much like with the Ursa Jaune rushes in. And gets beaten within a inch of his life, but doesn't stop, grabbing forks, spoons anything he can get his hands on... Telling them to run, to get his dad. Papa Arc does come forward and what he finds is his son, bloody, beaten barely able to stand, but standing he is, and protecting the poor lady with a broken leg from her evil husband... And then the man is gone, his head taken, the Arc Patriarch not hesitating for even a second.

4.) Ruka Rengoku (Demon Slayer)

'It is the obligation of those born strong to defend the weak. Don't ever forget that..'

That Fucking Line! That Fucking Line Right There Makes Her Hotter Then The Other Two! Oh and what do you know, another piece of shit husband!

Okay, so I get he only turned piece of shit cuz she died bu-NO! You Know what, Fuck that Your Son Died Cuz You Couldn't Step Up And Live Up To Your Wives Words! Fuck You!!! That Drunk Bastard Insulted her memory and made her have to suffer meeting her son FAR TOO EARLY!!!

There is no way this woman doesn't hate her husband from beyond the grave! So here what would happen, Shinjuro would snap earlier then like when his wife is first diagnosed with the disease. At first he tries to stay strong but then begins to drink, then gets pissed when told nothing can be done!

And then in his denial he tries to force them to leave to Atlas, to hopefully find a cure or way to treat her... But Ruka refuses, Ansel needs them, negativity has been on the rise and Grimm have shown up more often. So he begins to drink and rant, and rave and Ruka watches her husband betray both himself and her faith in him.

And then he leaves, taking her with him one night, in desperation kidnapping his own wife against her will, her body far too weak to resist to take her to Atlas forcibly if needed. He uses a favor Papa and Mama Arc owe him to watch his kids while he's gone (Lying and saying he convinced Ruka)

And it is as he was gone that Ansel was attacked, his sons forced to fight, children like them, Jaune, little Tanjiro and the Shinazugawa brothers barely managing to take his place, but not without injury.

When he returns, he isn't met with scorn, nor blame... Not from anyone, except his wife! Ruka will not forgive him, and would rather die alone then married to him... He leaves, bitter angry but knowing she was right. And it was as this was happening that her son brings Jaune to her, the boy noticing several cuts and bruises she'd received from her forceful travels... He reaches out, and uses the power he discovered while the held off the Grimm.

The power that let mere kids like them fight and barely make up the difference her Ex-Husbands absence... His Semblance, Aura Amplification, every doctor had told her her disease wasn't treatable because her body simply lacked the strength to fight it, her immune system was too too compromised and her body too fragile by that point to maintain.

But Jaune's power, it's strength was one of a nature to empower others, to share with them his strength, his vigor, his will and soul, and Jaune wouldn't stop sharing his strength until it was enough to save her!

It was the logic of a simply youth, if he could kill monsters as big as Grimm, he refused to let small ones so tiny and weak take one of his friends moms! The same woman who told him he could be a huntsman! No! That said it was his duty to be one! Well What Kinda Huntsman Couldn't Save a mother!

5.) Rinko Iori (Gundam... Apparently -///-)

I...I did not know she was from a anime... I firmly thought she was a hentai mom... But no, apparently she is from Gundam. Well, I think I've said enough and these pictures hopefully speak for themselves...

I'd say she is a Argus mom, and helped Saphron and Terra navigate raising their first kid.

6.) Mirelia Q Melromarc

She Is A Queen! (Literally!) but no... Like seriously she is best girl, she showed up and everything, oh everything just turned pure euphoria for me. And God Damn She hated her husband! I wish they went more in on how thoroughly pissed she was in the anime like they did in the light novel.

Seriously a fucked up daughter and husband... just... Fuck man, and seriously FUCK BITCH For What She did! (If you read the Web Novel you know what I'm talking about) And fuck Trash too! Y'know it was so he could have a redemption Arc.

Fuck that, as far as I'm concerned those two need death like I need air. Naofumi is her (Only) daughter's fiancée. Which means she's in need of a new consort, a noble, strong, kind one who has a sharp wit.

[koji-haru]

Time Travel AU Part: 6

Lucifer never understood why, but he always felt awkward around Adam. Normally, he'd just brush it off as him not understanding humans well enough, him being an angel and humans being a new creation. However, that expression on his face did not belong to someone who was still ‘pure’. That contemptuous stare, that self-satisfied smirk.

All those other instances where he felt something uncanny about the first man suddenly came crashing down on Lucifer like a bucket of freezing water. Something was definitely wrong with the first man. As if, he knew more than he let on.

Lucifer stopped his frantic back and forth, “Had Adam eaten the forbidden fruit?”

Just the thought itself sent shivers down his spine and along his wings. Since when had Adam eaten the fruit? And how come it hasn't caught anyone's attention? The fact that he remained in the garden despite being as ‘rebellious’ and ‘imperfect’ as him and Lilith. Well, that wasn't fair at all.

He glanced at his beautiful Lilith. She was sitting on a fallen tree taking in the new world they were in now. Their banishment had shaken her up, but her curious nature remained. Sure, they were far from Eden's safety, and dangers lurked everywhere, but he retained his angelic abilities, and he would ensure Lilith's safety. They just had to adapt to the new changes, but that's alright, they were both resilient.

Lucifer sat close to Lilith, pale hands enclosing hers, “Lilith, I think something is wrong with Adam.”

“What do you mean?,” Lilith questioned, perplexed by the sudden statement.

“Remember those times when you felt there was something uncanny about him, but you couldn’t figure out why?”

Lilith nodded. There weren’t too many, but the times there were always left her feeling exposed and unsure of what to do. Sometimes, Adam had that look in his eyes, deep and scrutinizing as if he knew more than he let on. Wait.

“When we were banished from the garden, I turned to look back one last time. And I’m quite sure, the glee in his eyes, the satisfaction in his smile, his demeanor are not of an innocent person’s.”

Realization hit Lilith, “Are you implying that..?”

Lucifer confirmed Lilith, giving her a slight nod, “I think Adam ate the forbidden fruit. I don’t have proof yet, but I’ll find one.”

“How? We were banished from Eden and the evidence lies there.”

“I retained by angelic abilities, if I could just disguise them, then I might be able to slip by.”

Adam could not stay in the garden. Adam didn’t belong in the garden, not anymore. And Lucifer was going to prove it to Heaven.

—---------

Adam felt a sensation. Intrusive. Odd. But not necessarily painful. It was a warm, numbing sensation just below his chest. Something or someone was prodding inside him, gently but with a clear cut precision. He remembered this feeling, all those millennia ago, when he first met Eve. It was odd, to be aware of what was happening this time, but he couldn’t complain, Eve was going to be in the garden soon after all. Although, it was rather surprising, for Lilith to be replaced so soon by the angels. Adam didn’t blame them, he would’ve done the same, maybe even quicker. Still, quite too soon. He remembered having to be alone in the garden for at least a few more weeks, with only the animals for company as the angels, except for Lucifer, weren’t really present in the garden. Well, it didn’t matter. He liked Eve. Eve was good company. She wasn’t antagonistic nor insufferable like Lilith. Eve actually listened and worked with him, not against him.

A few hours later, Adam finally woke up. His back cushioned by the grass, his skin greeted by a warm breeze, his face kissed by gentle sunlight. It was another perfect day in Eden. This time however, he felt both rested and unrested at the same time. The sensation from last night lingered still, clashing with the blanket of comfort that one received from being in the garden. In other words, Adam didn’t feel well. Not sick, just unwell, a little off for today.

Adam let out a sigh. He hadn’t been unwell for a long time. Not since he became an angel in his previous life. He contemplated getting up and making himself something to eat or drink to alleviate the discomfort, like tea or some congee, but then he decided no. Today was going to be an extra lazy day for him. He hadn’t even started the day, and yet, he already felt exhausted, like he never had the energy to begin with. Yeah, today was going to be an extra extra lazy day. Adam was not going to even move, he had decided to just lay there, maybe sleep for a few more hours. It’s not like there was anyone to scold him anyway. Adam closed his eyes again, slowly getting back to sleep.

Just before he could return to sleep, he heard a sound. A fluttering of wings. Six of them in fact. Adam had recently grown familiar with this sound. And while he didn't mind the presence of the owner of those wings, he really wasn't in the mood today to play pretend, with the exception of maybe playing dead.

Michael landed gracefully near Adam. He had visited today to bring him great news. Heaven was in the process of making Adam a new wife, and she should be ready in just a few days. However, instead of the usual greeting he received from Adam, innocent smiles and radiant eyes, he received nothing at all. Not even an acknowledgement. In fact, the first man was still lying on the grass asleep.

Michael moved a little closer, silently peering at Adam. That was odd. Adam was usually up early, full of energy as he explored the garden. Michael inched closer still as he observed Adam’s face.

“He looks rather uncomfortable.” Michael poked at Adam's face. He wasn't sure what to do, but he did hear that humans sometimes get warm when they get ‘sick’. He was just about to place his hand on Adam’s forehead when tired golden eyes finally looked back at him.

Adam opened his eyes to concerned blue eyes, and a face that was a little too close for his liking. He'd have a heart attack right now if he wasn't so tired, so he settled for a mini one, a jolt and widened eyes.

“Do angels have no sense of space?,” Adam frowned, clearly irritated. He had half a mind to push Michael away, but he instead listened to his better judgement and instead turned to his side, ignoring the angel.

“Adam? What's wrong?” Michael tilted his head, confused by the difference in the first man's demeanour. He wasn't normally like this. The Adam he knew was always welcoming and eager, not dismissive.

Adam sighed. He really didn’t have the energy for this, but he had to. Turning his head to look at Michael, he gave a small smile, “Sorry, I'm just really tired today.”

Michael leaned back, sitting on his heels. That made no sense. How could Adam be tired, when he hadn't even begun his day? But then he remembered why he was visiting in the first place.

“Ah, the process must have not been as kind to him as I thought.” He nodded to himself, satisfied with his conclusion.

“Do you need my help for anything?,” he asked Adam.

“Well, since you owe me for ruining my nap…” Adam thought he might as well take advantage. He was craving something warm and easy to eat.

“Well, I haven't eaten anything yet. If you don't mind helping me gather some food…”

—-

Michael placed all the items he gathered for Adam. Bowls of potatoes, carrots, onions, tomatoes, celery, a bucket of water, small rocks called ‘salt’, and ‘peppercorns’, bay leaves, and more that the angel was already struggling to remember what to do with. Adam gave him instructions on what to do, but for once in his existence, Michael was rather unsure how to start. He never had to cook, angels didn't need to eat. Honestly, he was quite surprised with the amount of stuff Adam had already invented in his time in the garden, from musical instruments to tools for cooking.

“He really is God's most perfect creation,” Michael thought to himself as he stared at the task in front of him.

“You can start by making a fire.”

Adam’s voice burst him out of his thoughts. He looked back at the first man, who was lying on his belly watching him.

“Right.”

With a flick of a hand, Michael started a fire and began ‘cooking food’. This was going to take some getting used to.

—-

After a few trial and errors including Adam’s guidance, Michael finally made food, one that was edible anyway.

“Here,” The angel handed a bowl of ‘vegetable soup’ to Adam. His face seemingly stoic, but the subtle twinkling of his pale skin said otherwise.

Adam took the bowl. It looked…off… not inedible, but he wasn't sure if he could call it vegetable soup. He looked back at Michael. The angel was all sparkly and glowy, clearly proud of his work. Adam sighed internally. He was starving. He brought the spoon to his lips.

“Hm. It's actually edible,” Adam turned his gaze back to Michael, an appreciative smile painted on his face. “It's good. Thank you, Michael.”

Michael nodded silently. It was only part of his job to take care of Adam, or at least it was now since Lucifer was banished from the garden. Though, he couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself. His domain was justice, not creation, that was Lucifer’s, but to have created something that Adam liked. Well, that was something be could be proud of. It was nice. He taught Adam something, and in turn he also learned from Adam. Adam was ‘good company’. A nice break from Heaven's usual routine. He supposed he could understand a little as to why Lucifer visited the garden often. Just a little.

—-

[A scene I thought of but didn't know how to include. Probably one of Michael's failed attempts at making soup.]

Adam handed over his bowl to Michael, still more than half full, “Would like to try?”

“Please say yes, I can't eat this anymore.”

Michael blinked at Adam. Did he just offer him his bowl of food? Despite being exhausted and lacking nutrition? How generous. Simply too kind. Truly perfect. However, as an angel, he didn't need to consume for sustenance unlike Adam, so he would have to decline the offer.

“I'm alright Adam, besides you need it more.”

Adam deflated at Michael's answer. He liked eating, but this was just not it.

[Michael may be talented, but cooking really isn't his strongest suit]

Part 5

Part 7

[weldingmetal]

How do you think cybertronians would react to our mouths? The fact that the mouth can easily bite and rip off your or someone else's pinky finger with such ease, almost like biting into a carrot. The brain only stops you from doing so.

So like I think in this scenario it’s not the fact that they have mouths that freaked them out, it’s the fact of what they do with said mouths as well as teeth.

Unlike Cybertronians human eat and chew where they mostly drink. Humans teeth are made to tear into flesh. Just predicons had sharp teeth to eat living mechanisms we have canines to eat meat.

Although that isn’t to say that bots teeth can’t be sharp. I believe if they ate non refined energon in its crystal form their denta would get sharp. I mean look a TFP Megatron. We know that he loved his space crack- I mean dark energon. So I wouldn’t doubt that centuries of eating the stuff would make his mouth look like a piranha.

But sharp teeth/denta for bots isn’t normal.

I can imagine how visceral it would be for a bot to watch a human or animal tear into meat or eat and chew things that should be to hard for soft organics.

So imagine a bot’s reaction to a humans mouth and teeth at work.

Here is a blurb of a possible reaction.

________________________________________

Bulkhead tired to think of a way out of this.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. It was supposed to be practically nothing. Now he’s tied up, can’t move or sever his binds, and he still doesn’t know where Miko went.

He let her wonder off and now who knows where she-

“Bulkhead!”

As if Primus himself heard him he heard his charges voice.

“Bulkhead where are you we have to-“

She turned the corner to find Bulkhead. Tied up in some kind of cable.

“I’m sorry Miko, I was ambushed. I would get us the frag out of here but…I’m a little tied up.”

He says looking down at his binds. Miko runs up to him.

“You gotta try Bulk, the decepticons were after me back there. I lost them but they could come any second!”

“I wish I could Miko. But there are to many loops in my binds around me to break free. I would be able to if I could break just a few of them, maybe if you can find somethi-!”

Then deep in the cave stomping peds could be heard. Miko was full on panicking. She ran up to her bot. Her friend. She tugged and tugged. She knew everything would be okay if she could just break a few.

“It’s no use Miko! I’ll be fine you need to go! Please Miko, run and hide!”

Miko looked up at the bot, her bot, in fear. She looked towards the impending doom before back to Bulkhead and his pleading look.

Something in her snapped.

Her face lit up in anger and she screamed-

“NO!”

She bit down on the cable, electric sparks lighting up around the corners of her mouth as she tugged and bit and thrashed her head back and forth like a wild animal until the cable broke.

She went for another

*crunch zzzt snap*

“I’m.”

*crunch zzzt snap*

“Not.”

*crunch zzzt snap”

”Leaving you.”

*crunch zzzt snap*

“Behind!”

Bulkhead with all his might flexed and pulled and stood and broke his binds just as the vehicons rounded the corner. He picked Miko up and dashed out of the cave dodging blasts aimed at him.

He looked down at Miko and gasped. The corners of her mouth were burned and bloodied. Her jaw was snapping and seizing no doubt from the electric current she continued to bite…for his sake.

As he left the cave and was able to get a signal to comlink and ask for a ground bridge he was wracked with heavy and thick guilt.

He was supposed to be the strong one. He stopped thinking when he heard Miko groan and speak.

“G-guess I s-saved you this time h-huh Bulkhead?”

Bulkhead thought he would cry, in fact he was almost certain he was tearing up. Despite everything Miko, his sparkling charge was still smiling.

As he ran into base he yelled for Ratchet, to do something anything to help Miko.

June and eventually Fowler was called. June bandaged Miko’s mouth and said that she probably won’t have any lasting scars and if she did they would fade.

After the kids were sent home the bots rightfully demanded to know what happened.

Bulkhead explained everything, even the way Miko seemed to go feral.

After that bots went to bed with deep unease in their tanks.

How could something so small have a bite that hard, and still undoubtedly be sentient.

Bulkhead didn’t recharge that night.

Who could blame him with the image of mostly innocent Miko desperately and frantically tore into the cable like a feral animal. All because he wasn’t strong enough.

[nightlyrequiem]

Latrodectus

I. To Be Human

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

AO3

Latrodectus Mactans, otherwise known as the Black Widow, are known for their uncouth treatment of their partners. The 'widow' part of their name stemming from the common occurrence of the female devouring her partner after mating.

Tags/Warnings: Abduction, Violence, Emotional Manipulation, harassment, A Dabble of Psychological Torture, Drugging, Breaking And Entering, Fem!reader

================================================

There is something wrong with Valeria Garza. Something deep inside of her that went unchecked during adolescence and festered into something rotten. While the other children played manhunt in the woods behind the school, Valeria was pulling apart the carcasses of stray animals. Feeding that part of her that desired to know what went on in the inside of a body. A vulture in her own right. She was born without something her peers had, and that set up the perfect breeding ground for resentment. She didn't quite yet understand what it was that made her so different. Or why it, in the eyes of the other children, meant she was undeserving of companionship.

Rarely did Valeria crave the attention or approval of another. Even with her missing pieces Valeria knew she was simply better than the others. It aggravated her to no end that nobody else seemed to understand that. There are, however, four people that Valeria... fixated on. Marie Sanchez lived only five houses down from her. Little Valeria would follow her around the playground. Making vain attempt after vain attempt to gain her affection and friendship. That flame slowly fizzled out once they reached high school and Valeria's idolization of Marie turned into contempt.  

Her puppy love for Marie grew into a rabid, out of control dog that needed to be put down. And put it down she did. If Marie wouldn't be happy with Valeria, then she didn't deserve to be happy at all. Valeria would take any chance she could get to terrorize Marie. Cruel words and rumours whispered from pink painted lips spread around the small school. Valeria's torment didn't end with verbal abuse. She was having a particularly foul week and Marie's existence only agitated her more. Valeria dragged her into the girl's bathroom and whaled on her. Shattering her cheekbone and breaking her nose. She only spent four months in juvie before being released on good behavior.

There are no certain qualities that draw her to a person. She's not sure what it was about you that reeled her in. Perhaps it was the fact that the first time she ever saw you, you were sobbing. The sound being the most beautiful melody to have graced her ears. Her curiosity was sparked, and she kept tabs on you from then on. Checking up on you for her own entertainment. Her passive interest swiftly evolved into an obsessive need. The thought of you affected her so badly that it made her unwell. She got her hands on every bit of information that she could. Past and present social media accounts. Who your friends were, and who you dated. She saved pictures of you and took some of her own. She absorbed whatever she could into her very bloodstream to be a part of your life.

Pictures and information were never enough. She needed to cut you open and carve room for herself behind your ribs. Remove your lungs so she could take every breath for you. Valeria is a busy woman, unfortunately. Leading a drug empire takes up most of her time and as much as she'd like to, she couldn't spend every hour watching you. There are always workarounds to every problem though, and she's nothing if not a problem solver. When she wasn't able to, she'd send someone in her inner circle to tail you. Take note of everything you do. Where you shopped, where you went. What you ate. Who you spoke to.

In her clean, tidy kitchen she carefully slices through a bright red tomato. Off to the side waiting on a plastic plate is a piece of whole grain bread. Fresh lettuce and bits of turkey arranged carefully on top. She grabs the tomato slices and adds them to the mix then places another piece of bread to complete the sandwich. She cleans up. Putting away the rest of the ingredients for later, washing the cutting board, and wiping down the marble counters. She grabs the plate and makes her way through her home. The floor to ceiling windows shows off the scenic view of the mountains in the distance. The sun is setting behind them, giving the tops a halo-like glow and casting golden beams into her home.

The dark wood floors are polished and clean. Swept and vacuumed every day. She continues down the hall towards the stairs leading to the basement. Admiring the few paintings decorating the ivory coloured walls. Some portraying lush, almost fantastical fields of grass and heather and others with more religious tones. She stops at the basement door and fishes through her pocket for the new key. She had recently installed locks on the door. She unlocks it and switches on the light before descending down. She had the space renovated and took some inspiration from Diego's dwelling. Jutting stones make up the walls with sconces to provide a warm yellow glow. Open doorways branch off into other rooms not yet furnished.

She calmly walks down to the end of the hall and stops in front of a different door. She reaches up to feel along the top of the doorframe. Her fingers lightly brush against a small silver key and she grabs it, pulling it down. She unlocks the door and opens it, just barely catching sight of you crouching in the corner like a scared animal, your chain lightly rustling from the sudden movement. The room is mostly bare. A mattress and a toilet are all she has allowed. For her, and of course your safety as well. The chain connecting to a metal collar around your throat is long enough for you to be able to come close to the door and light switch but not further. She made sure the other end was securely bolted to the wall.

She steps inside and gives you a soft smile, even if your continued fearful behavior is starting to grate against her nerves. You don't return her smile, but Valeria knows you will someday. You'll understand that she's doing this because she loves you. She walks up to your bed - a thick double mattress - and sets the plate down. She turns her head to look at you once more. Just the sight of you is enough to make her feel agitated. Like she has to hurt someone to compensate for the feelings that are too big for her body. Your brows are furrowed, and your lips are downturned into a distressed little frown. Despite the fact that she's the reason for your unhappy expression she finds the sight cute.

When Valeria was thirteen, she spent some time around a man who ran an unlicensed animal shelter. He'd collect stray dogs and cats, and sometimes take pets from yards and demand a fee for their return. If their owners couldn't or wouldn't cough up the money, he'd simply... put them down. He taught her a few useful things regarding animals. They'll be scared of you at first. You just have to be patient with dealing with them. Feed them often, meet their basic needs, and they'll begin to warm up to you. Valeria believes this method can be used on people. You don't even look that different to the starving cats that used to hiss at her from the man's metal cages.

She settles down on the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight. 

"Today was a long day," She begins. She feels a rush of satisfaction at being able to talk to you. "There was some trouble by the border, I won't bore you with the details, but a little gang was making itself a thorn in my side." She runs a hand through her hair. The bodies of the leader and his enforcers are lying at the bottom of a lake by now. Providing nutrients for an aquatic ecosystem. "I took care of it, of course." She says proudly. She wishes you'd share her pride. That even if you don't understand the intricacies of running a cartel, you'd sidle up to her with stars in your eyes and awe on your face. You should be telling her what a good job she's doing. Instead, you crouch there silently, uninterested and unimpressed.

She wants to stay. To talk to you more but she knows she should probably leave before she gets too overwhelmed. She just adores you so much. So much so that you have infected her. Not even in her dreams can she escape you. A part of her hates you for it. Her mood is more volatile than usual since she met you, and she loses her appetite if she thinks about you too for too long. The only solution is to obtain and keep you.

"Valeria." You say softly. Almost so softly that your voice is lost the stone walls of your enclosure. Valeria hears you though. Valeria will always hear you. Her heart leaps when you say her name.

"Mhm?" She replies. Looking at you intensely. Pupils blown wide. 

"Can... can you please take the collar off?" You ask tentatively. Your voice lowered to an unoffensive volume. Valeria narrows her eyes at you. She's obsessive and certainly 'not all there' by a doctor's standards, but she isn't stupid.

"No." She answers bluntly. You're speaking to her instead of screaming at her which is progress as far as she's concerned.

However, she knows you are nowhere near ready to be freed from the cellar, let alone your collar. Even when you are ready, she'll be sorry to see it go. She takes a perverse reassurance at the sight of you in it. It reminds her that she has you. You seem to mull over your words before speaking.

"It's just the collar... is rubbing against my skin and it's starting to chafe," You murmur. Valeria leans closer to hear you better. Her answer will remain the same, but she will let you finish speaking. "Taking it off for a little bit wouldn't be so bad." Your eyes are wide and glossy.

"I'm not taking the collar off." Valeria says firmly. You look like you're about to continue to try and convince her but something on Valeria's face must dissuade you.

Just like that, your wounded-puppy expression vanishes. Replaced with the dark, brooding look she's more familiar with. Valeria pushes up off the bed and stares down you with half-lidded eyes. She loves you so much. 

"Make sure to eat that." She tells you. Gesturing at the sandwich. "If you throw it at the wall again you won't eat for the next week." She turns and leaves the room. Locking the door behind her. You are her most valuable possession and she's keeping you safe, sound, and accessible. 

[cakerybakery]

I was doing something else when I saw this and thought. Adam and Lucifer.

-

They left the bowl of candy unguarded and Lucifer had to be dragged hissing away by Charlie.

Charlie admitted that allowing candy at her animal costume/movie marathon/sleepover party might have been a mistake. Candy tended to, to put it lightly, make Lucifer hyper.

Part of the reason she picked out that particular costume for Lucifer to wear was the lack of hands so he wouldn’t be able to easily get into the candy.

Somehow he had been able to tear into the wrappers and ate half a bowl full of mini chocolate bars and various sugar candies before Charlie found him with his face in the bowl.

“Oh that’s bad.” Vaggie groaned watching the fallen angel vibrate. “You know heavenborn can’t have much sugar right?”

“Yes!” Charlie tugged on the ears of her mouse onesie. “Mom banned it from the castle after sugar ended up in hell. I wasn’t allowed to have it until I was old enough to understand why it was banned.”

Lucifer was foaming at the mouth before, in burst of speed, he ran across the lobby over and over.

“Needtorun.Needtorun.Needtorun.Needtorun.” He dead stopped in front of them, had a maniacal fit of laughter to rival Niffty, then completely vanished from sight.

“Oh that’s bad.” Charlie started looking everywhere and Vaggie dashed back to the treat table as fast as her panda onesie would allow.

Maniacal laughter seemed to echo from every corner of the room and Angel turned down the music.

Angel looked doubtfully at a noise above him and called out Charlie’s name as Lucifer dropped on him. He lost the snout of his pig costume trying to keep the rabid duckling from biting him. Only throwing his candy bar was enough to get Lucifer off him.

He pounced on the half eaten chocolate bar and swallowed it wrapper and all.

Lucifer terrorized the others for any hint of candy they might have.

“It’s just a beer!” Husk shouted holding his drink above his head. Lucifer still climbed onto his shoulders and sniffed the drink before bounding away.

Adam watched the chaos with annoyance. Theses are the idiots that killed him?

Vaggie threw her spear to try and pin Lucifer but was knocked into by Niffty, who was trying to escape with her candy, and Vaggie ended up pegging Alastor in the ass with her spear as he bent to help Charlie back to her feet.

He wasn’t much for sweets himself. Didn’t have to when he was alive and never quite developed a taste for it dead. But he lounged on the couch and opened a chocolate bar.

Lucifer heard it and as he leapt at Adam to steal the candy, Adam kicked him square in the chest and sent him flying backwards.

Again and again Lucifer tried to get the chocolate from Adam, getting easily tossed or kicked back as Adm used Lucifer’s own momentum and mindless search for more sugar against him, until Lucifer was sluggish. Until Lucifer was huffing. Until Lucifer curled up on the floor and muttered he just needed to close his eyes for a second.

Adam picked up the passed out king and slung him over his shoulder.

“You owe me, girlie.” He patted Charlie on the shoulder as he walked by.

Lucifer groaned as he was carried partly upside down up to their suite.

“Quack.” His tired little arms flapped against Adam’s back as Lucifer muttered in his sleep.

Putting the duck to bed first, Adam brushed his teeth before crawling in with Lucifer without changing out of the black cat onesie.

He wanted an excuse to skip the movie marathon part of the party, but this wasn’t what he had in mind. Hopefully Lucifer didn’t throw up.

[avatar-anna]

Unknown Number, Part 3.5

i feel like the last part to unknown number was kind of rushed, so i decided to write a little extra part. enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

J: do you BELIEVE in love

HS is typing...

J: after love

J: after love

J: ...

J: after love

HS: I see. You're drunk.

J: finish the lyric 👉🏼👉🏼

HS: Are those supposed to be finger guns?

J: i'm not ACTUALLY gonna hold you at gun point!

J: now finish the lyric!

J: 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼

HS: I hope you know that I am ROLLING my eyes at you right now.

J: 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼🐇👉🏼👉🏼

J: oop sorry didn't mean to put the bunny in there now it looks like i'm shooting a poor helpless animal!

HS: Monster.

J: i'm not!

HS: What if that bunny had children? Think of the children June!

(five minutes later)

J: you made me cry ://

HS: I did?

J: yeah. i'm a bunny murderer :(((

HS: Jesus Christ. You really are drunk, aren't you?

J: :'(((

HS is typing...

HS: I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough no...

J: :D

J: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE

J: after love

HS: After love.

HS: After love.

J: i don't really have anything to base this off of, but i think we would be the life of any party

"So...you and Harry."

"Yep."

"You...and Harry."

"That's right," Y/n said as she stuck safety pins through the hole of Ashton's t-shirt.

"How—Wh—When did this happen?" Michael stuttered, looking at Y/n like she had three heads.

"It's a long story," she said, not wanting to explain how she and Harry had unknowingly been texting for months before they realized they were a lot closer than they realized and were able to act on the feelings they developed for each other.

"And you, like, like him?" Calum asked, like he couldn't wrap his head around the idea.

Niall had stayed true to his word and immediately blabbed to the members of 5 Seconds of Summer about Y/n and Harry. She'd hidden from them that night while they performed and after they got offstage, but now that she was prepping their clothes for tonight's show, she had no choice but to face them. And their questions.

Rolling her eyes, Y/n said, "Yes, Calum, I like him. And he likes me. I've been on a number of dates while touring, you know that. Why is this different?"

No one said anything, which was fine by Y/n. She thought it was better than asking her for dirty details. Looking up from where she was sitting on the floor of the dressing room, she fought a smile. The four boys in front of her were in varying states of confusion and disbelief. Luke was blushing and wouldn't meet your eye, while Calum looked like he was thinking about the information a little too hard. Michael and Ashton seemed to be taking it well, though it was hard to tell.

"I'm gonna talk to him," Calum finally said, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

"Good idea."

The rest of the boys followed suit, all of them turning and leaving before Y/n could stop them. Dropping the shirt in her hands, she scrambled to follow them, calling out for them to stop.

"A—And say what? Come back here!"

Luke was the only one to turn back as Y/n called out to the four boys. He smiled down at her and ruffled her hair playfully, which Y/n promptly swatted away. It was easy for them to think of her as a younger sister kind of figure, she thought. She was older than the boys, but they were all freakishly tall.

"Don't worry, Y/n," Luke said. "We're just gonna make sure he doesn't act stupid. We have your back."

Y/n sighed and shook her head. It was sweet of them to feel so strongly about her relationship with Harry, even if their scare tactics were unnecessary. But she knew she didn't have to worry. The boys talked a big game, but they were all gentle giants.

Then

J: tell me about your childhood

HS: What do you want to know?

J: not specific details obviously, but like...idk were you a happy child? one of those kids that ate dirt?

HS: Dirt?

J: or worms without having to be dared?

HS: ...Where the hell did you grow up?

J: rural town. we had to entertain ourselves in strange ways.

J: but i should make it known i've never eaten anything that isn't food

HS: You know, I think the town I grew up in might be considered rural but I don't think I knew anyone who ate dirt or worms.

J: ok...so what were you like growing up?

HS: Normal I guess. Nothing too crazy.

HS: Parents got divorced when I was young though. I think that's about as interesting as it gets.

J: mm

HS: Mm? What does that mean?

J: i'm humming! it's hard to communicate humming over text

HS: No I got that part but you always have some kind of comment, and now all I get is mm?

J: i'm no psychiatrist h i'm not gonna unpack all of that with you

HS: You asked!

J: i know, but i thought you were gonna give a silly answer

J: i'm not very good with serious or heavy stuff

HS: Well you've certainly made that clear.

J: i want to know and i want to ask you but i don't really know what to say without making a joke, you know?

HS: It's really not that serious. It happened ages ago. No unresolved issues here.

(six minutes later)

J: i've...never been someone who's been like a source of comfort for someone else

J: maybe i have some unresolved issues but talking about deep shit makes me squirmy

HS: That's okay. It's not like I'm stellar at it.

HS: But we can work on that together.

J: we can?

HS: Of course. What are friends for?

Now

J: my clients are assholes

HS: The boys are your friends.

J: they are menaces to society

HS: What did they do this time?

J: they're teasing me >:(

HS: About what?

J: you

J: they're sing the stupid kissing song. i work for CHILDREN

HS: Kissing song?

J: harry and y/n sitting in a tree...

HS: Ohhh.

HS: Do you need me to rough them up a little?

J: now THAT would be a sight to see

J: but no i'm a big girl i can handle it

HS: Give em hell.

HS: Then come find me after.

(the next night)

HS: Where are you? We were supposed to go back to the tour bus??

J: the boys wanted me to go out with them

J: i was going to tell you earlier but they took my phone bc they said i'm on it too much

J: i had to hide in a pub bathroom to text you

HS: So you're telling me you've been kidnapped.

J: no! they miss hanging out with me it's actually kind of sweet. that's why they've been teasing me so much

J: i can't really blame them either

HS: What do you mean?

J: we do hang out just the two of us a lot. i could see why they would feel left out or something

HS: We don't hang out that much do we? We're a couple it's a given that we do things together.

J: i know, but i don't want to be that girl that only hangs out with her boyfriend and abandons their friends, and i don't think you want to be that person either

HS is typing...

(five minutes later)

J: you're not mad are you?

(thirty minutes later)

J: come on h it's one night

J: please don't ignore me :(

(one hour later)

J: big baby

(the next day)

Y/n got up early and walked from her tour bus to One Direction's, her slippered feet shuffling across the pavement. The sun was slowly rising, and she had a slight headache, but she was up anyway, making her way over to Harry's tour bus.

She didn't think he would be so bothered by her going out without him, but when she checked her phone when she woke up, her last few messages hadn't even been read. Y/n supposed she should've told Harry ahead of time that her plans had changed, but she hadn't been kidding when she told Harry that her phone privileges had been revoked. Michael grabbed it and slipped it into his pocket before they went out, and she had to beg to let him give it to her for just a few minutes.

When she got to the door of the right tour bus, Zayn was stepping out dressed in gym clothes. He nodded to Y/n, who simply waved back. She was friendly enough with Zayn, but he kept to himself for the most part, and if she wasn't with Harry, she was usually with one or all of the 5SOS boys. He'd always been nice to her, though, and Y/n thought that they might be friends if they gave each other a chance.

"He's still asleep, I think," Zayn said as he passed her. "But feel free to watch TV or whatever. And help yourself to whatever food you can find."

"Thanks," Y/n said.

She pushed her way inside, cringing when the door creaked and swung shut. It was still early, and Y/n assumed that everyone on the bus was still asleep. All the little curtains that fell over the bunks were pulled closed. She knew she could go right over to Harry's bunk, pull the curtain back, and see if he was asleep or just lying awake, but she stayed at the front of the bus instead, rooting through the fridge to find something to make for breakfast. Technically, Y/n knew she didn't do anything wrong, but having a nice breakfast to wake up to would perhaps make their conversation easier when Harry eventually did emerge from his bunk.

Quickly assessing what she had to work with, Y/n got to work. Nothing too elaborate, but she was still working on it when Harry finally came out of his bunk. He still looked sleepy, rubbing at his eye as he shuffled over to the kitchenette. "Morning," she said, setting a full plate down for him.

"Morning," he mumbled, his voice deep and rumbly from sleep. "You have a nice time last night?"

"I did," Y/n said. "You should come out with us next time."

Harry hummed noncommittally before thanking Y/n for the breakfast she made. She watched him closely, unsure of what to make of his disposition. He was quiet and subdued, but she couldn't tell if it was him still waking up or if he was actually upset with her. When a few minutes went by and he still hadn't said much, she broke the silence.

"Are we okay?"

He looked up from his plate. "Yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

"I don't know...we left things kind of awkwardly last night, didn't we?"

"Because I didn't text you back?" he asked, and Y/n nodded. "Sorry about that. Lou asked me to babysit Lux last minute and I didn't have a chance to check my phone before it died. And, you know, you were right. I wanted you to have fun without me."

Relief washed through Y/n when she heard that. She didn't want this to be a big fight, and it turned out to be a miscommunication, a misunderstanding. "Oh. Okay. Good. Just um, ignore the text I sent where I called you a big baby."

"You called me a what?

The look on Harry's face made Y/n giggle. She went over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You weren't answering me! And it felt like you were ignoring me. And I might have been a couple drinks in. So, I am sorry for that."

"Unbelievable," Harry muttered, though he sounded more exasperated than anything else.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "So we're good? This breakfast was meant to be a peace offering too, you know."

Harry reached up and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, we're good."

Y/n grinned, then came around him to sit at the seat next to him. "Great. Now give me a bite of that. I'm starving."

Harry rolled his eyes, but nudged his plate toward her anyway. Y/n hummed as she took her first bite and leaned into Harry's side, enjoying the warmth emanating from him. Now that the air had been cleared, she felt much better. It was their first little disagreement they'd had since getting together, and it turned out not being that big of a deal. It made her feel better about her relationship with Harry and their ability to talk things through. Y/n could only hope that they could do that when real issues and arguments happened between them. But for now she was content to enjoy her morning with Harry and hide from the rest of the world with him by her side.

[shinobuscanonwife]

demon mother! reader(newly turned, so they haven't ate anyone yet) who encounters Tanjiro, but thinks tanjiro is their kid since they look like their child(the child died very young, maybe?) and adopts them. its like how some animals are so devastated when they lose a child they adopt one that is/isn't one of their species.

would Nezuko like reader?

Tanjiro was a bit surprised when a you saved him and Nezuko from a demon attack even though you were a demon yourself. Once the demon had been taken care of you ran up to Tanjiro and hugged him tightly "my son.." you muttered. Tanjiro was still confused but he hugged you back. Nezuko ran up to you and Tanjiro and tried to pull Tanjiro off of you but Tanjiro shook his head "it's ok. I think we can trust her" Tanjiro said to Nezuko. You took Tanjiro and Nezuko back to a little hut you stayed in when the sun came up.

"Who are you?" Tanjiro asked once he got comfortable. "Your mother..I'm your mother.." you responded. Tanjiro gave you a confused look "my mother was killed a few years ago are you sure your not confusing me with someone else?" Tanjiro said. Nezuko was sitting behind Tanjiro with a serious look on her face. Despite Tanjiro trusting you Nezuko didn't have a good feeling about you at first. You shook your head "you look exactly like my son..I can't be mistaken.." You said looking down in your lap.

Tanjiro felt bad for you. He kind of understood you since he lost his family so he stuck by you. You joined him on his journey to turn Nezuko to a human and you protected Tanjiro whenever you could. Nezuko didn't like you at first and she was suspicious of you but one night her opinion on you changed.

One night Tanjiro and Nezuko were fighting a stronger demon and Tanjiro was exhausted and he wasn't able to fight for much longer. You quickly stepped in and saved Tanjiro from getting slashed in the face. Your arm got cut off but you were able to regenerate. Nezuko was able to use her blood demon art to finish the demon off and she ran over to you and Tanjiro. You were making sure Tanjiro was okay when Nezuko ran up to Tanjiro and hugged him

"I'm okay Nezuko thanks to y/n" Tanjiro said as he hugged Nezuko back. Nezuko looked up and walked over to you and hugged you. "mmh mhh!" Nezuko said happily. You hugged her back and smiled happily. Nezuko trusted you started to view you as a mother aswell.

Thank you for reading!! Have a nice day/night

[jpitha]

Contests

The humans make everything a contest.

Everything.

Mal'zamar was moving down the hall towards the engine room. It was xer turn to take a shift monitoring the Flip drive for any anomalous readings. Xe had to admit the human's Flip drive was far more powerful than the limited Flashwarp that the rest of the Community used, but it was annoying that someone basically had to be watching it all the time so that it didn't "get out of line." Xe still didn't know what the humans meant when they said that, but they insisted that the drive had to be monitored at all times.

As xe passed the humans common room - every Community species had a common room set to their own environmental preferences - xe heard the commotion. Mal peeked in and saw three humans sitting at a table. All three had stripped their outer integrements off to the centers of their body, and their skin was moist from their bizzare active cooling systems. In front of each person was a small white plate, and on each plate was a single Elmar Pepper.

Mal'zamar's feathers rippled a shudder. Xe had little experience with humans before this tour and had never realized they were so... moist. Jenny from engineering noticed Mal standing at the doorway and waved. "Mal'zamar! Come in! Eva, Anya and Kellan are trying to see who can eat the spiciest food without making a face."

Mal's face feathers bristled. Xer face looked twice the size it normally did. "They're what?"

"Ever since we found out that your species consumes fruits with an analog to capsaicin, we've been excited to try them and see how spicy they are! Reg was able to pick up 4 different varieties of Elmar Peppers, and Eva, Anya, and Kellan all declared they could take the heat the most. Nobody could decide, so we're having a contest to see who can take the heat.

Mal's species is similar - though not exactly the same - as the group of animals on Earth known as Birds. Mal'zamar cannot fly, though the religious texts say at one point deep in the past they could; xe doesn't really believe that though. Xe never really followed the popular religion. One thing that is similar between Mal's species and Earth birds is the fact that neither can taste or process capsaicin - one of the things that taste 'spicy' to Humans.

The 'spice' had evolved to make the fruits unpalatable to mammals and similar creatures, so that only birds ate the fruit and spread the seeds wide. Humans decided they liked the poison and bread theirs to produce more.

With the Elmar, the fruits that had more of their analog to capsaicin had a pleasing color, so they were bred to have more of the chemical. They could taste no difference in the high capsaicin fruits compared to the low capsaicin fruits.

Jenny turned back to the group at the table. She raised her hands for silence and the entire room fell silent. "On three, each of you will take the pepper and take one bite. You will chew and swallow the bite entirely and whoever reacts, loses. If, after 2 milliunits (about half a human minute) you do not make a face, you take another bite. Whoever can eat the most without making a face wins. Are the instructions understood?"

Kellan, Anya and Eva nod silently, not looking at Jenny.

"Aaaand, Go!"

With almost religious reverence, each picks up the pepper and takes a bite. Mal'zamar notices they are quite a pleasing deep purple color. They are a recent cultivar and quite popular among the Elmar lately. Xe imagines that means they must contain quite a lot of capsaicin.

One milliunit after the first bite, Kellan breaks. His face contorts into a horrified grimace, as if only now he realizes what he has done. He slaps the table once, and jumps up, running to a glass containing a white liquid on a rear table. There are jeers and laughs from the watchers.

Mal is invested now. Xer shift forgotten, Xe watches the contest. Eva and Anya lock eyes, staring at each other. They chew and swallow without flinching. Methodically, they pick up the pepper and take another bite, and another, and another. Mal can see that Eva's active cooling is working harder than Anyas, but Anya's face is more flushed.

Finally, there is one bite of pepper left. As they reach for it, Anya's hands tremble, but her face remains placid. Eva picks it up and pops the rest into her mouth, chewing and swallowing. Anya puts it to her lips and shakes her head. She puts it down and gets up to get the drink from the rear table. "Okay, you win Eva, that's too spicy for me. It has a really nice flavor though. Fruity with a heat the builds and builds. We should try and make some chili with it."

Grinning widely, Eva gets up and gets her drink as well. "Making chili with those would be a waste. Those should be in a curry."

Mal'zamar notices there are still some peppers left on the table. "Can, I have one?" Xe looks at Jenny.

"Sure, but we have to warn you they're pretty-" Before she can finish Mal takes one and pops it into xer mouth, whole. Chewing thoughtfully she looks at Eva and xer feathers ripple satisfaction. "These are quite nice. Did you buy any more? I could make you pepper sauté, like the Elmar do."

Eva and Anya perk up at the mention. "We'd love that Mal! We could have a rematch!"

[dellalyra]

Family Formation Part Four

Summary: A special moment follows you and Satoru going full protective parents on the kids Principal.

CW: mentions of fighting, misogyny (not from anyone we like lol) swearing

A/N: ngl actually proud of this one. i really wanna make the reader like endlessly warm and loving, but also badass and powerful because women are amazing - and show how much the reader and gojo love each other after all they're only early twenties and still completely lovesick

Recommended listening:

Vigilante Shit - Taylor Swift

Paris, Texas - Lana Del Rey ft. SYML (for the ending)

Requests open <; 3

Series Masterlist

"Good afternoon, am I speaking to Ms. Y/L?" Echoes through your phone as you step out of the meeting Satoru and you were having with the higher-ups, who were busy telling you how to teach and do your jobs.

"Hi, yeah, that's me. How can I help?" You reply.

"This is Principal Ito, I'm afraid there's been some... trouble with Megumi at school today. Would you be able to come to the school to collect him and have a discussion?"

"Is he alright? What happened?" Panic rose in your chest. Was he sick? He was fine this morning, ate his porridge and drank his juice and flipped Satoru off when he tried to kiss his chubby cheeks and squish his face - so absolutely average Megumi behaviour.

"He is perfectly fine, we'll discuss more in detail when you arrive."

"Okay, his dad and I will be there in 15 minutes." You had recently taken to just saying you were his parents because explained that you had taken in the children and were hoping to formally adopt the children of the man who killed your boyfriend and your boyfriend then actually killed came back to life, after the father and sold his son to the family he excommunicated himself from.

You stroll back into the meeting, bending to tell Satoru the situation who immediately stood up.

"We're leaving - parenting shit to do, bye-bye wrinklies." He said, taking your hand and waving to the higher-ups as he lead you outside. Teleporting you both to the school gates so you didn't just appear out of thin air in a middle school.

Greeting the school secretary, she leads you to the principal's office - where you find a sullen, scowling Megumi looking defiant with his 9-year-old legs swinging from the middle of the three chairs facing the desk. He doesn't even look up when you and Satoru walk-in, staring straight at the principal.

Principal Ito, a greying, pot-bellied man sits behind his desk.

"Ah, Megumi's guardians, yes?" He asks shaking Satoru's hand first, then yours.

"In the process of legal adoption, but yes we're his guardians. What's going on? You okay, 'Gumi?" You sit beside the boy on one side as Satoru sits on the other side, taking a lollipop from his pocket and popping it into his mouth, and handing one to you and the kid between you.

Megumi shrugs in response to your question.

"Mr. Gojo, Ms. L/N, I'm afraid Megumi here is in some serious trouble. At lunch break today, he started a fight and participated which resulted in 4 other boys being brought to the nurse for injuries, extensive injuries." Your jaw dropped, your Megumi? Sure, he had attitude, and was Toji's son being raised by Satoru Gojo (you'll ignore any part regarding your temper's influence), but he was a quiet, introverted boy, taking comfort in books and animals, traits he was learning and inheriting from seeing you seek comfort in the same things.

"Is this true, Megumi?" and "Wait, you beat up for other kids and haven't a scratch. Well done kid! Proud of you lil' man, fist bump!" Coming from you and Satoru, respectively. The principal looks completely shocked, but for once, Megumi actually does a fist bump Satoru, showing no remorse for his actions. You rolled your eyes at the two boys fist-bumping, both with their candy hanging from their mouths, your fiancé was mentally 9. Unwrapping your own lollipop, you turned back to Ito.

"Megumi will be suspended for two we-" The principal began but you stopped him.

"Excuse me, shouldn't we hear Megumi's side of the story before any choices are made without us here?" You interject, as the principal waves his hand toward Megumi, signalling him to speak.

"I'm not gonna say sorry. They were pulling on a girl's hair and calling her names and saying mean stuff about her so I stopped them, but then they started doing the same to me so I hit them." The boy shrugs the words out, quiet yet wholly confident in his actions.

"Ah! See, completely valid - good job bud, let's get your sister and head for lunch together. C'mon babygirl, let's have a fun family afternoon with the kids!" Satoru says as he ruffles the child's hair and moves to stand.

"Mr. Gojo, this behavior is totally unacceptable, and your lack of condemning it and disciple is wholly reprehensible. Megumi will be suspended for two weeks while the board makes the decision whether or not expulsion will be the route we proceed with." Ito declares .

Now, after hearing, and trusting the word of your child - you turn to the principal.

"I'm sorry, am I misunderstanding the situation? A child was being bullied, physically and emotionally in the schoolyard - with no teacher intervening with a total obvious lack of monitoring, so my son stood up to the bullies, who then turned on him and began to physically assault him and he defended himself - yet he is being punished? What of the other boys? I assume immediate expulsion - no deliberation needed?" You lean forward toward the desk, passing your lollipop to a smirking Satoru, who knew that edge in your voice never ended well for the recipient. After all, he'd heard the same measured, cold, clipped, and endlessly terrifying tone when the higher-ups had told you to revise your curriculum on differentiating curses this morning (if he remembered, the exact words were: "I appreciate that you have a clearcut, if antiquated, unrealistic and frankly idiotic vision for how you expect these topics to be taught, however, as a special grade sorcerer I feel I am wholly equipped and far more prepared to decide how I teach my students that the majority of this board who have been solely directing from this room for the entire duration of their exceptionally long tenure." God you were especially sexy when you diss the higher-ups).

"The boys are quite seriously injured Ms. L/N, which we feel is punishment enough - and it is Megumi's word against the four other boys and I'm afraid we must listen to the majority." The principal eyed your flaring nostrils and smirking fiance.

"You've gotta be kidding me! The kid did the right thing, if anything give him an award, school hero!" Satoru interjected.

"I am absolutely floored by the words I'm hearing, Principal Ito, I'm afraid it's all difficult to swallow." You respond.

"I'm sure it is, but perhaps this will teach Megumi a lesson in behaviour and I suggest stronger discipline at home - I know you are not his parents and it must be challenging figuring out what to do."

"First of all, what I'm shocked by Principal, isn't Megumi's behavior - but your sheer ignorance and lack of accountability for the obvious failings of your faculty. I cannot believe a school would allow such behavior to continue, especially since both Megumi and his sister have mentioned four boys who are notorious bullies on previous occasions so rather than dealing with the root problem, you choose a scapegoat to shoulder the blame. Second, how dare you insinuate we are not fit to raise a child, we may be young, hell were 22, but these two children are our son and daughter, we are their parents. We raise these children to be brave, stand up for others and know right from wrong and protect those who cannot protect themselves." You take a breather, and the principal turns to Satoru.

"Mr. Gojo, perhaps you would care to calm your partner down, before things escalate." Ito directs at Satoru, who only smirks and says to Megumi "He's done it now. Watch this."

"How DARE you tell him to calm me down! Why don't you just say 'get your woman under control' and be done with it? Christ, I thought the board of the school we teach was misogynist, avoidant, antiquarian, hostile, and cowardly but you, sir, 'toru baby cover Megumi's ears, take the fucking cake. I'll save you the paperwork, I'm withdrawing my kids from this damn school, no kids of mine will go to a school led by a like you an absolute prick like you. Boys, we're leaving, and we'll be taking Tsumiki." You stand, pushing the chair back as Satoru cackles laughing at the indignation on the man's face. Megumi grabs his backpack and your hand, and you both walk out of the room.

Before he leaves, Satoru turns to the man, "Isn't my girl awesome? She's the best mom! No wonder I wanna marry her!" He throws a lollipop on the desk, and saunters out winking at the stuttering man.

The three of you grab Tsumiki from her class and walk toward the exit when she turns and asks what's going on.

"Why are we leaving, it's only 1pm? Did something happen, Satoru why are you smiling that that? Wait, Megumi, why are you smiling?" She spews looking between you all.

"I got into a fight and they tried to blame it and Ito told Dad to calm mama down on me so mama got mad at Ito and called him a prick." Megumi said to his sister as you and Satoru froze.

He called you mom, he called him dad.

Satoru and you just stared at each other, your eyes welling up with tears and pride. You guys had spoken about if the moment happened. Tsumiki had asked one night when Megumi was sleeping if she could call you guys mom and dad, you both said of course, you'd be privileged (Satoru cried, a lot), she then said she would wait for Megumi so as not to make him feel out of place or uncomfortable, ever the sweet, kind girl. You warned Satoru sternly to not make a big deal of it when he did, as you'd never spoken to the little boy about it, not wanting to push him and telling Satoru to not follow through by planning a 'mom and dad' party, knowing it would only mortify Megumi and make him uncomfortable, he had reluctantly agreed with you.

Knowing this came from you both standing up for him and speaking up for him, you mouthed 'I love you' to him and he responded 'I love you too' over the heads of the chattering kids.

"What? Are you hurt? Dad what did you say? Mom did you really call him a prick?" Tsumiki added.

"Your mama's a badass, kids!" Gojo added.

"We take no shit from men, Tsumiki, remember. Plus, he was being an ass to your brother so it was me doing that or your dad hollow purpled him for disrespecting me and you two." You grab Megumi's hand, rubbing circles into it as he looks up at you.

As Gojo recounted the events to Tsumiki, Megumi turned his little head to you.

"Thank you, mama." He said quietly, shy as ever, into your side.

Willing yourself not to cry, you kiss his forehead.

"Always, darling boy."

Taglist: @madam-ri @vesta-ro

@lilithlunas @sassy-cat-in-town