#so then she was able to turn into animals that she ate

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 02x07 - Memories of Hikari / Guardian Angel

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Mimi went on a picnic with the new kids where she drank way too many sodas, ate a rice ball so good it filled her with national pride, and got harassed by Digimon again.

We open on a montage of righteous devastation. The Chosen Children are beating the Digimon Kaiser's ass at playing Risk. The new team's Digimon converge fire on a Dark Tower, toppling it.

Narrator: The Chosen Children continued their advance, liberating areas controlled by the Digimon Kaiser one after another.

On the map of territories, several black squares blink over to white. Then several more. Bit by bit, the Kaiser's forces are being driven back. Koushiro, sitting at the Gate computer in Computer Club, calls out the group's movements.

Koushiro: Send Birdramon to this area. Next, move Greymon to that area. And Garurumon to this area.

More and more towers come down, toppled by the Digimon he named.

Finally, we cut back to everyone reconvening in Computer Club. All the elementary kids plus Taichi, Sora, Yamato, and Koushiro. With Takeru's hand in shippy places.

Koushiro: I won't be able to come in tomorrow. Yamato: Yeah, I have band practice too. Taichi: Well, we'll be fine with just Hikari, Daisuke, and the others. Daisuke: Yeah, we can handle it!

This will be the elementary kids' first time having to handle things without an experienced veteran to guide them. Except it won't because Takeru and Hikari are experienced veterans, so they'll probably be fine.

In the dub:

(The elementary kids bring down a Control Spire) Cody: Yeah! Izzy: Alright! That's twelve more Control Spires destroyed! (Birdramon brings down a Spire) Sora: Yeah! Izzy: According to the map, Greymon is finished in this area and is moving on to the next. Garurumon's doing the same thing!

Izzy is not calling any shots in the dub, and is instead passively narrating what the teams are independently doing to nobody in particular.

Izzy: There's still one more Control Spire to destroy today. Matt: Maybe Greymon could get that one too. Tai: I don't think he can. It looks like he's too far from that area. Izzy: Tai's right. Davis: In that case, we'll do it ourselves!

They give Tai this line as he turns away from Izzy and is visibly addressing Davis and the others. Also, the computer screen has the Gate on it, not the map, so I don't know how Tai's reading Greymon's location.

In fact, the map can't even be used to read Digimon locations. It just shows controlled and uncontrolled territories. I don't know what part of Davis's face is giving Tai geographic coordinates for Greymon relative to the Control Spire in question.

This isn't a huge deal but if this was the direction they wanted to go with this scene, it might have worked better to have Tai simply say that he left Greymon too far away. The way the line's written makes it sound like he's drawing conclusions based on data he's analyzing but his animation doesn't give him anything to be drawing it off of.

In any case, we see here a stark change from the original. In the original, the impending mission is going to be tomorrow's activities, which the older kids won't be able to chaperone. The dub has the younger kids going back in to finish up today's workload due to poor strategic planning leaving the older kids' Digimon too far away.

We're cutting straight from this scene to the kids' mission, which creates a bit of a plot hole as to why Izzy isn't hanging out to do mission control for this one last Control Spire. He's offered no explanation for bailing.

Cut to a domed city inside the Digital World. An alarm blares throughout the city. Guardromon units roll out with Evil Rings around the valves on their chests.

Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER.

A squad of Guardromon flood into the city, opening fire on an unseen trespasser.

Guardromon is an Adult-stage Virus-attribute Machine Digimon, though the first anime listed them as Data-attribute. It's unclear if they still are Data-attribute because 02 removed Attributes from the Digimon Analyzer entirely. No idea why.

(Maybe they just didn't want to have to explain Free-attribute after making a point to have Gennai teach Koushiro about Virus, Vaccine, and Data in the first series. So they quietly buried attributes and hoped no one would notice?)

In any case, we know Guardromon from Mugendramon's Metal Empire on Spiral Mountain. Alongside Mekanorimon, Guardromon were Mugendramon's foot soldiers.

Narrator: Guardromon! An Adult Digimon that boasts ironclad defenses. Their special attack is Destruction Grenade!

This is almost word-for-word Guardromon's rundown from the first show. The only difference is that they tell us Guardromon's level instead of their Machine typing.

Once the rundown's over, we see what they're shooting at.

Digmon: GOLD RUSH!!! Pegasmon: SHOOTING STAR!!! Fladramon: KNUCKLE FIRE!!!

The Armor team has gotten good at this. Each of their shots is precisely aimed to break the Evil Rings off their targets' valves. Digmon frees four Guardromon, Pegasmon frees another four, and then Fladramon gets two.

But despite their best efforts, more Guardromon emerge to replace the liberated ones, which simply stop moving and go to standby on the spot where they were freed.

Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER.

The dub misses the part about the blaring alarm, of course, but still captures the vibe.

Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER. Guardromon: (rundown) I am Guardromon. Whoever tries to enter the premises shall become victims of my Grenade Destroyer attack. Digmon: GOLD RUSH!!! Pegasusmon: STAR SHOWER!!! Flamedramon: FIRE ROCKET!!! (Their attacks release ten Guardromon but more swarm in) Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER.

Why would you rename Destruction Grenade to Grenade Destroyer? It's one of those small changes that are so minor that it raises the question of why you even bothered. Is it because the little bullet guy doesn't look at all like a grenade? Or are the censors just happier if we imply the little bullet guy is neutralizing enemy grenades?

Reinforcement Guardromon roll out and the team is beginning to tire.

Daisuke: What the hell is with these guys!? Miyako: They just keep coming, over and over! There's no end to it! Iori: It would be unwise for us to continue this battle of attrition. We should withdraw immediately. Miyako: I think so too! We're outnumbered. We should retreat. Daisuke: Retreat!? Why are you acting like cowards!? The Dark Tower is right there!

First junior mission is not going well. Daisuke disagrees with withdrawing, but the decision is quickly made for him.

Fladramon: G...Getting hungry.... Digmon: ...me too....

As the endless wave of Guardromon continues to advance, Fladramon and Digmon can't sustain their Armor forms any longer and degenerate into their Child stages. Like it or not, we have to leave.

Takeru: Daisuke-kun, we need to go back. We can reconsider our plan of attack with Koushiro-san. Hikari: Tentomon might be able to provide us with new intel. Daisuke: ...we don't have a choice. Retreat!

Reluctantly, Daisuke agrees with the withdrawal and the Chosen Children flee from the advancing Guardromon army.

In the dub:

Davis: There must be a hundred of 'em! Yolei: Wow, you counted that high without even taking off your shoes and socks! T.K.: I think now is a good time to go back to our world. We can come up with a new plan. Yolei: T.K.'s right. We can talk to Izzy! Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER. Davis: Are you guys out of your minds!? Quit now!? I've never been a quitter! Flamedramon: I agree. Davis, let's regroup! (Digmon and Flamedramon degenerate to Rookie forms) T.K.: Davis, don't be so stubborn! There are far too many of them! We have to get out of here while we can! Kari: I agree! We have to hurry! Davis: Urggggh... Alright, head for the Gate!

Cody doesn't get to offer any input in this version. He silently goes along with whatever the group decides.

This dialogue covers the broad strokes: There's too many enemies, so we have to run for it. But we lose some of the tactical considerations.

That the team's been steadily fighting this onslaught for some time and is exhausted beyond the point of being able to keep going gets skipped over. No mention is made of this as a "battle of attrition" or that "they just keep coming", and Flamedramon deliberately degenerates because he wants to retreat.

T.K. does suggest regrouping with Izzy. But Kari makes no mention of Tentomon possibly having more intel for them; She passively agrees with T.K.

And Yolei manages to slip in a barb at Davis for no reason.

The team withdraws to the Gate television. Miyako opens it up, and one by one, they escape across realities.

Well, four of them do, anyway.

Miyako: What the--!? Did something just explode!? Patamon: I saw it! A Guardromon attacked! Daisuke: Huh? Where's Hikari-chan? Iori: Oh no. Is she still in the Digital World?

She is indeed. Hikari and Tailmon take cover around a corner while Hikari emails the others on her D-Terminal.

Hikari: And sent. Tailmon: Hikari, if anything happens, I'll Armor Evolve. I can still fight. Hikari: Mhm! Thank you, Tailmon.

In the dub, Yolei remembers to say the thing while they're approaching the Gate.

Yolei: DIGI-PORT OPEN!!! (Everyone but Kari makes it through) Guardromon: GRENADE DESTROYER!!! Kari: Wait for me! (TV explodes and everyone but Kari escapes) Yolei: Ouch! Say, shouldn't we put pillows here if we're going to keep doing this? Patamon: Guys! I saw that the TV was blown up as we came through so we can't go back. Davis: Wait a second! Where did Kari go? Cody: She's trapped! In the Digital World!

Yolei makes a valid point.

Somehow Patamon managed to see the TV explode? In the original, they heard the explosion while they were transiting between worlds and Patamon saw the Guardromon fire just before he and Takeru went in, but here Patamon somehow managed to witness the entire thing.

The dub takes its first commercial break here, on the proclamation that Kari's trapped in the other world. We come straight back to Kari on the other side.

Kari: I'll send the others a message saying that we're okay. (typing noises) ...I don't think this has spell check. Gatomon: Kari, if we find ourselves in any kind of jam, I can always Armor Digivolve. Kari: Well, let's save that for a special occasion.

The key points are covered. She's sending a message and Gatomon can Armor Digivolve if they run into trouble.

That said, I don't know why they had Kari disagree with the plan. Next time we see Gatomon, she'll be in her Armor form. They aren't saving it for anything.

Back in the human world, Miyako tries but the Gate simply won't open to that region anymore. Because it's gone.

Miyako: No good. It looks like the Gate we used can't open anymore. Daisuke: Takeru, wasn't HIkari-chan right behind you!? Takeru: Mhm. Daisuke: What were you doing!? Why didn't you make sure she came through with you!? Iori: Daisuke-san, this wasn't Takeru-san's fault. Daisuke: Keep out of it, you noisy brat! Iori: (sternly) Please do not speak to me like that. Daisuke: (gently) S-Sorry, I was out of line. Takeru: No. Daisuke's right. It was my fault. I should have been paying more attention. Daisuke: No, when you put it like that... None of us even noticed. Not even me.

Iori successfully defuses this situation by accidentally provoking Daisuke into crossing a line that Daisuke immediately realizes he shouldn't have crossed, causing his rage to break.

Despite his general hostility to Takeru, Daisuke ultimately agrees that it's not Takeru's fault that Hikari got left behind. They didn't carry out on orderly retreat; They routed, with every child for themselves. The fault is on everyone.

In the dub:

Yolei: The Gate to that area is closed! We can't get to her! Davis: T.K., wasn't Kari right behind you when you went into the Gate from the Digital World!? T.K.: Mhm. Davis: Then it's all your fault! Why didn't you let her go first!? Cody: Stop! It was no one's fault! It just happened! Davis: What do you know!? You're a little kid! Cody: Yeah, but I still know when someone's being a jerk! Davis: (gently) Ugh... I guess that's me.... T.K.: The truth is, Davis is right. Davis & Cody: Huh!? T.K.: It really was my fault. I should have been watching out for her all along. Davis: Well... I guess I could have too. Cody: So could I. That's what I mean! There's no one to blame.

Pretty solid.

A sudden indicator from the computer alerts Miyako to a new email.

Miyako: Huh? Ah! An e-mail from Hikari-chan! "I'm safe. Don't worry. Takeru: Miyako-san, switch with me for a second.

Takeru suddenly gets an idea and takes over the computer. He scans through the map of the Digital World until he finds what he's looking for.

Takeru: Even if we can't go back to that area, we can enter the area next to it and cross over.

Takeru finds what he's looking for somehow, and I cannot make heads or tails of the map. He settles on a black square surrounded by gray squares which... I kinda thought gray squares were, like, the ocean or something and white squares were free territory, so I am lost.

But apparently this makes sense, so I'll go with it. Takeru finds his destination and holds his Digivice up to the screen.

Takeru: I'm going! Patamon: Wait, Takeru!

He's in such a hurry, he almost leaves Patamon behind. Fortunately, Patamon's able to flap over to him quickly enough to be caught up in the transition.

Miyako: Takeru-kun! Daisuke: Tch! I'm just supposed to let him take care of it!? Let's go, Chibimon! Chibimon: Yeah!

Daisuke, too, crosses over with Chibimon.

Miyako: Ah! Poromon, we should-- Iori: Please wait! It's almost dinner time. If Hikari-san and the others don't make it home, their families will worry and make a fuss about it. We should notify Taichi-san and the others first. Miyako: You're right... I'm the oldest here, so I should try to think more clearly. Upamon: If that's what we're doing, then hurry up! Poromon: Let's go! (Upamon and Poromon flee the room) Iori: AH!!! Don't go out on your own!

Iori and Miyako chase their excitable Partners from Computer Club, leaving Daisuke and Takeru to carry out this rescue mission by themselves.

In the dub, there is no email alert noise. There is, however, this ongoing AOL dial-up noise that starts playing and continues through the scene. Which is kind of like an email alert, I guess.

Yolei: Huh!? Hey, guys! It's an email from Kari! Davis: Huh!?

In addition to Yolei reading it out, the text onscreen is rewritten in English.

Yolei: It says, "Don't worry, I'm alright. And I'm sorry if any words are misspelled. Sincerely, Kari."

No words are misspelled so I didn't really get that joke.

T.K.: Yolei, I've got an idea! If I can find an area close to the one she's in, then I can reach her! (T.K. finds his destination) T.K.: Got it! I'll be back soon. Patamon: I'm going too! (T.K. and Patamon cross over) Yolei: What should we do? Davis: If he thinks I'm gonna stand by and let him be the hero, he can forget it! (Davis crosses over) Yolei: Haha what!? Then I'm going-- Cody: Yolei, wait a minute! Listen, it's almost dinner time right now. Somewhere between the green salad and the green gelatin, their families are going to wonder where they are! We have to tell Tai and the others! I think that's the best thing you and I can do to help Davis and T.K. right now. Yolei: Cody, I know you're just a kid but sometimes you have the wisdom of an old man of twenty! Upamon: Alright! What are we waiting for! Poromon: Let's go! (Upamon and Poromon go on their own) Cody: But wait! You can't just go out in public!

They had way too many lip flaps for what they needed Cody to say. XD

T.K. is a lot more reserved and in control of himself in this version. Takeru is clearly rushing off recklessly on an emotional impulse. He is, ironically, being the Courage boy right now.

The other side of the Gate opens into a vast stretch of desert. The boys make their way back to the machine city where they left Hikari.

Daisuke: (calmly) Hey, Takeru. Takeru: Yes? Daisuke: The sun's going down. You should head home. Takeru: I'm fine. My mom will be out late today. But won't your parents worry if you don't make it home, Daisuke-kun? Daisuke: It doesn't matter.

That's an ambiguous statement. It's not clear if Daisuke means his parents won't care that he's gone, or that he himself doesn't care if they worry. Given the earlier "Jun always badmouths me" incident, either Daisuke's family kinda sucks or Daisuke's a little shit. Either is honestly plausible.

Daisuke fishes a coin out of his pocket.

Daisuke: So, who's going to go rescue Hikari-chan. We'll decide with a coin toss.

Daisuke tosses the coin and claps his hand over it.

Daisuke: Tails, you go home. Heads, I go home. (Daisuke reveals Tails) Daisuke: Tails! (gloating) Looks like I'll be the one to save Hikari-chan--

With a shit-eating grin, Takeru snatches the coin from Daisuke's hand and inspects it himself. He clearly knows exactly what he's going to find.

Takeru: Both sides of this coin are Tails, right? They sell these at Kadoetsu. Daisuke: (embarrassed) Y-You knew...? Takeru: (smiling) Let's go together. Daisuke: ...okay.

Takeru once outsmarted literal bullets. You're gonna have to get up a lot earlier in the morning to pull a fast one on him.

As the boys make their way into the city, their Partners briefly unpack what just happened.

Patamon: Why not do that from the start? This was stupid. V-mon: Don't say that. He was just trying to look cool....

Daisuke still feels like he has a lot to prove.

In the dub:

Davis: (bickering) This was a great idea! Crossing the desert without any water! T.K.: (bickering) Look, I didn't ask for your help! Davis: There's the city! T.K.: Looks like one of those things you shake and it starts snowing! Davis: I'll go get Kari! You wait here. T.K.: No, I'll get Kari. You wait here. (Davis fishes a coin out of his pocket) Davis: Alright, I'll tell you what. We'll flip for it. Winner goes, loser stays here. Since it's my coin, I get to call it. Tails! (Davis flips) Davis: Okay, if it's Tails, I rescue Kari. If it's Heads, you get to go. (Davis reveals Tails) Davis: Tails! (gloating) I'll tell her that you were worried about her and that you-- (T.K. snatches the coin and inspects it) Davis: WAUGH!!! T.K.: Huh. A coin that has Tails on both sides. That's how I used to beat Matt. Davis: H-How about that.... T.K.: Let's both go. Davis: ...okay, T.M. Did you really use one of those coins on Matt? T.K.: Yeah, that's how I got all my baseball cards and his old guitar. Patamon: T.K. and Davis sure argue a lot. How come? Veemon: Something about Kari. Human girls make human boys act sorta weird.

Let's start with the good. Takeru recognizes the trick coin from seeing it in a store, but T.K. has a more personal anecdote about it that adds a bit of depth to his relationship with his brother. This is good, especially with the way Davis and T.K. use added dialogue to bond over it.

Now for what I don't like. I don't like that they're playing Daisuke's one-sided rivalry with Takeru as a more traditional Love Triangle, with both boys aggressively locking horns with each other. The first anime dub papered over a lot of Takeru's growth, strength, and developing maturity and this scene continues that trend.

This is a strong moment for Takeru. It's the first time he's been alone with Daisuke. He wastes little time cutting through Daisuke's childish obstinance and jealousy, and bringing him around on-task. Takeru takes Daisuke by the shoulder and lifts him up to Takeru's level, while the dub drags T.K. down to Davis's level.

Meanwhile, in the city, things are already going south for Hikari.

Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER.

Hikari flies through the sky on Nefertimon's back, fleeing enemy Guardromon. One Guardromon pops out ahead of her, firing Destruction Grenades her way.

Nefertimon: NILE JEWELRY!!!

Nefertimon returns fire, blasting the enemy projectiles out of the air and giving her cover to sweep past.

Nefertimon: Where the hell is that TV!? Hikari: There really aren't any left in this area. We have to find a way out of here!

In the dub:

Guardromon: INTRUDER. INTRUDER. (Guardromon up ahead fires) Nefertimon: ROSETTA STONE!!! (Nefertimon parries the attack and sweeps past) Nefertimon: Kari, there aren't any TVs left in this area. Kari: We'll have to go to another area to find one. Nefertimon: But we don't even know which direction to travel.

I mean. If the destination is "somewhere else" then any direction is good, really.

As with Takeru's more neutral decision to return, the words are the same but the emotion is lost. Kari and Nefertimon don't sound pressured as heavily by their situation; Instead, they calmly explain their predicament to each other for the audience's benefit.

Unfortunately, it quickly becomes clear why Hikari can't lose her tail: From his control room, the Digimon Kaiser has eyes on her. In fact, he has a frankly ludicrous number of monitors dedicated to differently angled closeups of her face. That's weird. You're weird, Digimon Kaiser.

Kaiser: Huhuhu.... Wormmon: Ken-chan, shouldn't you be getting home?

More and more, Wormmon's starting to get a response from the Kaiser. He turns his head away from the screens to glare at Wormmon for a second before responding.

Kaiser: HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!?!? Wormmon: (cowers) ACK!!! I'M SORRY!!!

Wormmon tenses up as if bracing to be struck. But when no strike comes, he opens his eyes and looks back up at the Kaiser. The Kaiser's focus is back on the screen, and he summons his holographic control panel.

Kaiser: Here's a fun idea. Let's test out this one.

He presses a key, causing Digital World coding to appear on the monitor.

Wormmon: (gasp) That code is... Perfect stage!? Kaiser: Huhuhuhuhuhu....

We've never seen the Kaiser control a Perfect Digimon before. We don't know if he can do it. He might not know either, given that he describes this as a test.

In the dub:

Emperor: Hahahahahahaha! Wormmon: It's almost your dinner time. Shouldn't you be going home soon, Ken? Emperor: .... (beat) Emperor: NEVER CALL ME ANYTHING BUT MASTER!!! Wormmon: (wordlessly cowers) Nrrrrrrgh.... Emperor: Since she's ~all alone~, she deserves someone ~special.

The Emperor manages to make that sound even creepier than the many closeup monitors already were. On purpose, I'm sure. He knows what he's doing.

(Kaiser activates the new minion) Wormmon: Oh no, you can't! Anyone but him! Emperor: Huhuhuhuhu....

Wormmon addressing the Emperor as Ken seems out-of-place here. Depending on how you look at it, this can either be better or worse for the dub.

On the one hand, we lose the consistent character trait of Wormmon calling him Ken-chan since day one, which the Kaiser finally reacts to. It's never come up before because Wormmon, until recently, has been beneath the Kaiser's notice.

Dub Wormmon accidentally slipping up here and provoking this reaction retroactively justifies the decision to avoid using Ken-chan for the past six episodes. For him, the Emperor has been "Ken" to him all this time. However, as a learned behavior, he knew better than to say it out loud.

Both of these interpretations of his character work really well for Wormmon's relationship to the Kaiser/Emperor and to Ken.

What we lose here is the specific threat that, for the first time, a Perfect-stage Digimon is about to go Hikari Hunting. We don't know how the Armor Digimon will measure up to that! This could be really bad!

Instead we just get... "him". Not "him"! How will Kari ever be able to defend herself against "him"!

Back in the human world, Iori uses a pay phone outside of the Inoue family convenience store. Giving us a good shot of the store's name, too.

The store is called アイマート Aimaato or "I-Mart", presumably for the family name Inoue. The banner underneath reads 愛と純真のお店 Ai to Junshin no Omise or "The Shop of Love and Purity".

Well, now we know how Miyako's Digimentals were assigned. Somebody was shopping around Odaiba for new Chosen Children, saw that banner, and. Like. Who could possibly pass up the chance to do something really funny with that?

Iori: Ah, is this Yagami-san? Good evening, this is Hida Iori.

Inside, Miyako's loading up a grocery bag while her unnamed father works the counter.

Dad: Miyako, when one of your siblings gets back, can you ask them to watch the counter? Miyako: Okay, got it.

Cut to the Yagami home. Iori's explaining everything to Taichi over the phone.

Iori: So that's what's happening. Taichi: I see... Hikari is.... No, you don't have to apologize, Iori. I got it. Bye.

As he hangs up, his mother Yuuko turns around from the kitchen to find out what that was about.

Taichi: (big fake smile) Apparently Hikari's hanging out a friend's house. I'll go pick her up.

I'm a bit more forgiving of Taichi lying to his mom here than I was in Our War Game. That unnecessary lie concerned a global catastrophe that nearly resulted in Odaiba getting nuked, so there was a clear and obvious reason why Taichi and Koushiro needed to be doing Digimon Shit. They were the only people who could stop Diablomon from eating the entire global infrastructure.

She might be less understanding of "Yeah, Hikari went back to the Digital World to get shot at with robot bullets because some guy's causing trouble to some people far away, in a way that doesn't affect us at all." This is not an end-of-the-world crisis and so I think for most parents, it would easily set off their "Okay but not my children" reflex.

To a concerned parent, Digimon Kaiser sure does sound like the Digimon's problem. You have school in the morning, young lady, and I don't want you attending that school with your face exploded.

In the dub:

Cody: Hello? Can I speak to Tai, please? ...no, I'm not selling anything!

Yeah, that's about right. The only reason this American stock gag has aged poorly is that in the modern day, Tai's mom wouldn't have answered for an unknown caller at all.

Yolei's Dad: (sternly) You know, Yolei. With all the snacks and drinks you take to give your friends, it's a wonder this store shows any profit at all! Yolei: Put it on my tab, Daddy!

Yolei's dad nags at her about the financial impact she's having on their business. This seems unreasonable since it was previously established that she works off everything she takes.

It's Miyako who's the primary cause of the store's shrinkage. Yolei's family is just... aggressively capitalist. They employ a 12-year-old child laborer and pay her in merchandise, then complain that she takes too much compensation.

They better not cut her pay. Yolei's learning about the power of collective action against fascism in her extracurriculars at school right now. She might transfer some of that and unionize her siblings.

Cody: So that's where Kari is now, Tai. Tai: Okay, Cody. Thanks for letting me know. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of everything. (Tai hangs up) Tai: Kari's at a friend's house doing a science project on gravity and they need to see how long I can stand on my head. See ya!

Tai opts for the "excuse so bewildering that he'll be out the door before his mom's finished processing how little sense that makes" approach. XD

Once out the door, Taichi and Yamato meet up outside.

Yamato: Taichi, did you hear from Iori? Taichi: Yeah. We need to get down there fast. But first, we should tell Daisuke's parents something. Yamato: Got it. Let me take care of that. You hurry up and go find Hikari-chan. Taichi: Got it! I'll leave this to you, then!

Taichi turns and sprints off for Odaiba Elementary, leaving Yamato to figure out what he's going to--

Yamato: (startled) I was supposed to make dinner for Dad today! (casually) Eh, oh well.

Fuck Hiroaki, I guess. XD He can starve.

Back at I-Mart, Miyako takes her grocery bag of loot and meets back up with Iori outside.

Iori: I called home and said I'd be a little late. What about you, Miyako-san? Miyako: Well, I think my dad asked me to do something but who cares. Let's go!

So much parental respect happening tonight. XD Kids.

In the dub:

Matt: (casually) Hey Tai, I heard what happened. So, are you going to go? Tai: Yeah, in a few minutes. But first, I have to make a stop by Davis's apartment. I have to make up a story to tell his family that he's going to be a little late tonight. Matt: Ehhhh, don't worry about that. I can take care of it! You go on and get to Kari. Tai: Right! Thanks, Matt! (Tai runs off) Matt: (startled) Oh, I forgot! I left Mimi on hold when she called from New York! HER PHONE BILL!!!

...Matt broaches this subject like the rumor mill's been talking about Kari, and clearly indicates that he's not coming and is just wasting Tai's time for small talk.

The only reason Yamato isn't coming too is because they needed to split tasks and it makes more sense for Taichi to go rescue his little sister.

Matt further indicates that he had no intention of coming and was just stepping out to talk to Tai by indicating that he's actually in the middle of a phone call with Mimi right now. Fortunately, Dub Mimi is fabulously wealthy so I think her phone bill will be fine.

Cody: I told my mom we were working on a rescue project. She said she's glad we're helping stray cats in the neighborhood. Yolei: Yeah, my dad was just glad that I left without filling up another bag!

And the censors are probably glad that Matt and Yolei aren't encouraging children to talk back to their parents. I bet that's what's going on here.

Back in the Digital World, Takeru and Daisuke take cover atop a dune to scout the front entrance to the machine city.

Takeru: That seems like the entrance, but....

A single Guardromon is keeping watch outside the door.

Daisuke: We'll have to defeat that one if we want to break in. Takeru: We need to finish it in the first shot; This will get a lot harder if they call for backup. V-mon: Alright, Daisuke! Daisuke: Yeah! Patamon: Wait! Takeru, this area doesn't have a Dark Tower, right? Takeru: Yeah, there's just the one inside that dome. Patamon: Then that means.... Takeru: You're right! We don't need Armor Evolution! Daisuke & V-mon: Huh? Takeru: Let's try it! Patamon: Yeah!

Daisuke has no idea what Takeru means but he's about to see some shit.

In the dub:

Davis: There's just one guard at the door! T.K.: We're gonna have to take him out in the first attack. Otherwise, he'll call for reinforcements. Davis: Not a problem. Veemon and I can handle that metalhead. Veemon, are you ready? Veemon: Yeah, let's do it! Davis: DIGI-ARMOR-- Patamon: Wait a minute! I'll do it. There aren't any Control Spires in this area, right? T.K.: Well, just the one inside the dome. Patamon: But we're outside. T.K.: Yeah! That's right! That means you can Digivolve! Davis & Veemon: Huh? T.K.: Then go for it. Patamon: Alright!

Solid. I like that they have Davis get partway through the Armor incantation when Patamon interrupts him. That's neat.

Foregoing his Digimentals, Takeru and Patamon do this old-school. Patamon SHINKAAAAAA!!!

To the sound of Show Me Your Brave Heart, Angemon appears in a humongous pillar of holy light that definitely should have given their position away and put the machine city on alert. But I guess the Kaiser is too busy ogling Hikari from many angles.

Takeru: YES!!! You can use your normal evolution!

Daisuke's jaw practically hits the sand at the sight of Takeru's Adult Partner.

Daisuke: Eh... Angemon...!?

Takeru and Angemon reply only with mirrored satisfied smiles.

In the dub:

T.K.: Angemon! I haven't seen you in a while! Davis: Ehhhh!? An... Angemon...!? Veemon: ...hi there, big guy....

They have T.K. call out Angemon by name so it flows better when Davis says it. Daisuke probably just heard Angemon say his name during the transformation sequence but it's never really clear how diegetic those are supposed to be.

It's go time. Angemon takes off across the sand, sailing for the Guardromon.

Guardromon: Suspicious person approaching--

Angemon tosses his Holy Rod, nailing Guardromon right in the Evil Ring around their valve and breaking it off.

Angemon: Now! Hurry!

Daisuke, Takeru, and V-mon sprint across the sand to join Angemon at the front door. Angemon punches through the latch, opening the door and letting them inside. However, once they enter, the power of the Dark Tower regresses Angemon back into Patamon.

Patamon: Takeru, it doesn't work after all. I'm back to normal. Takeru: It was worth a try.

I'm honestly not sure why it doesn't work. It's been well-established that the Dark Towers suppress evolving but evolved Digimon retain their form when they enter the Tower's domain. We saw Birdramon, Greymon, and Garurumon taking down Dark Towers as recently as the opening minutes of this episode.

Between this and Jou's episode, the mechanics of the Dark Towers seem wildly inconsistent.

In the dub:

(Angemon flies towards Guardromon) Guardromon: INTRUDER. Angemon: ANGEL ROD!!! Guardromon: INTRU-- (struck) --DERRRRRRrrrrrrrr... (shuts down) Angemon: I nailed it. (The team breaks in, but Patamon regresses) Patamon: You know, those Control Spires really ruin my day. T.K.: You did great, Patamon.

Angemon calls his rod throw as an attack.

Again, this is really good. I love the effect on the Guardromon getting hit halfway through speaking and verbally breaking down.

Once inside, Daisuke has questions. Serious questions.

Daisuke: Just now, Angemon... Patamon can also evolve like Agumon? Takeru: Of course, as long as there isn't a Dark Tower around. Daisuke: Then that means... Hikari-chan's Tailmon also.... Patamon: She becomes Angewomon! Daisuke: Eh!? Angemon and Angewomon!? Patamon: Yeah! We're a perfect match, right, Takeru? Takeru: (noncommittal) Ehehehe....

Predictably, that remark from Patamon triggers Daisuke, who whirls around on V-mon.

Daisuke: V-MON!!! V-mon: Wha!? Daisuke: Then you need to become UltraAngemon! V-mon: Ehhhhhhhh!?

Daisuke picks up V-mon and shakes him.

Daisuke: Do it! You have to do it! DO IT WITH ALL OF YOUR WILL!!! V-mon: Y-You're out of your mind!

Watching Daisuke melt down like this, Takeru admonishes Patamon for what he said.

Takeru: (to Patamon) Don't tease him like that! Patamon: (shit-eating grin) Ehehehehehe!

Patamon regrets nothing. Poor Takeru. This is not productive.

Though it's certainly clear by this moment that it isn't just Hikari; Takeru and Patamon have also picked up on the source of Daisuke's hostility towards Takeru. Daisuke is extremely obvious about his unrequited crush and everybody knows.

In the dub:

Davis: So, besides Armor Digivolving, Patamon can Digivolve to Angemon? What about Gatomon? T.K.: Well, she can Digivolve to Angewomon. Davis: You're kidding me! Angemon and Angewomon!? Patamon: That's right! We make a great team. Davis: One question: Is there an AngeBabymon too? Patamon: (to T.K.) Sometimes he says the weirdest things. T.K.: Ahahahaha. Davis: RRRRRRRGH!!! VEEMON!!! Veemon: Huh? Davis: Tell me right now if you can Digivolve into AngeSomething too! Veemon: Uhhhhhhhh... (Davis picks up Veemon and shakes him) Davis: AngeDinosaurmon! AngeSoccerPlayermon! Veemon: I just don't have it in me! T.K.: (to Patamon) He's still got a lot to learn. Patamon: Ahaha!

So here we have the opposite problem from the desert scene earlier, when T.K. was being dragged through Davis's muck. They speed through the Gatomon part early so they can skip right to having fun at Davis's expense. In the process, they also remove the part where Patamon deliberately provokes him and sets him off.

Davis loses it of his own accord while T.K. and Patamon privately chitchat about how weird and childish he is.

At the Motomiya home, Jun answers the door for Yamato.

Yamato: So you see, Daisuke-kun is still playing over at my little brother's place. Jun: ^_^ Ehehehehe.... Yamato: What? Jun: You're lying, huh? Yamato: O_O Jun: Your lies are painted on your face, Yamato-kun. Yamato: O_O (frozen) Jun: It's fine, I'll relay your message. And in exchange, you'll take me on a date, okay? (Jun goes back inside) Yamato: D...date...!?

Dub's over there dunking on Davis but I need to point out that this is way worse than anything Daisuke's ever done. Jun is extorting Yamato into going out.

We made a terrible mistake. Should have sent Taichi. He bullshits seamlessly and he's undesirable so this would have gone much smoother.

In the dub:

Matt: So anyway, Davis is over at my brother's house and so he probably won't be home until a little later on. Jun: ^_^ Ehehehehe.... Matt: What? Jun: You're lying. Matt: O_O Jun: I can tell when people are lying 'cause they usually start blinking a lot. Matt: O_O Wha--but--ahaha-- Jun: I promise not to tell my parents you were lying if you promise to go out on a date with me. Okay? See you Friday at eight. (Jun goes back inside) Matt: ...how did that happen!?

Dub Jun's more proactive than her Japanese counterpart and sets an exact time for Matt to pick her up, while the original leaves it up to him to figure out the details.

Over at the school, Miyako's holding down the fort with Upamon and Poromon. She and the Digimon are munching on the snacks she brought from I-Mart.

Poromon's sucking down some ChuChu Jelly, but he's still unhappy about last episode.

Poromon: This is not kanpyoumaki! Miyako: Don't be picky.

Poor Poromon.

Iori returns, having gone to meet Taichi outside and smuggle him in.

Iori: Yagami-san is here. Taichi: Sorry to keep you waiting.

Cut to the Digimon Kaiser's Control Room, where an awfully familiar silhouette appears onscreen. The Perfect Digimon he's taking for a test drive.

Andromon: Did you call for me, Digimon Kaiser-sama?

And that is an ominous spot to take a commercial break!

In the dub:

Poromon: How come he gets more candy than I do!? Yolei: Stop complaining; There's plenty more. (Cody arrives with Tai) Cody: I brought some reinforcements! Tai: Let's get to work! (Meanwhile, in the Emperor's command center) Andromon: You summoned me, Your Highness? Wormmon: Please hold for the Digimon Emperor. Line 1 for you, sir.

I'm not sure why they didn't let Poromon still be upset about his sushi. That did happen last episode. Maybe they figured kids wouldn't remember well enough to get the reference.

The dub also takes its second commercial break here. It's a good spot for it.

We come straight back from commercial to a dual Armor Evolution sequence.

Daisuke & Takeru: DIGIMENTAL UP!!!

Fladramon: KNUCKLE FIRE!!!

While Takeru and Pegasmon soar above the Guardromon units with ease, Fladramon is forced to blaze open a path for Daisuke on foot. His Fire Knuckle neutralizes the Evil Rings on two Guardromon units, who he clears with a leap.

Fladramon: DAISUKE, HURRY!!! Daisuke: (panting) Easy for you to say!

Come on, Daisuke! Put those soccer legs to work! You know how much long-distance sprinting we had to do back on Server Continent? BACK IN MAH DAY--

For his part, Takeru uses his Digivice to track Hikari's.

Takeru: She's close!

In the dub:

Flamedramon: FIRE ROCKET!!! (Flamedramon takes out two Guardromon and hurdles them) Flamedramon: DAVIS, OVER HERE!!! Davis: I can't jump as high as you can! (T.K. follows his Digivice) T.K.: I'm getting Kari's signal! We're close!

Solid.

This whole city sprint thing isn't workout out for Daisuke and Fladramon, so they decide to try something new.

Fladramon picks up Daisuke with his left arm.

Fladramon: Hang on tight. Daisuke: Yeah!

With Daisuke very loosely secured, Fladramon bounds to the roof of a building, then hops through the city.

Daisuke: (quietly) Ahhhhhhhh! ...huh?

At the height of Fladramon's jump, Daisuke briefly spots Nefertimon flying through a nearby street.

Daisuke: There! It's Hikari-chan!

And not a moment too soon. A glancing shot from a Destruction Grenade knocks Nefertimon out of the air, sending her and Hikari tumbling into the street below. They land hard, throwing Hikari from the force of impact before Tailmon's stamina well bottoms out and she loses her form.

In the dub:

Flamedramon: You ready to jump a little higher? Davis: (reluctant) Well.... (Flamedramon jumps) Davis: --WAUGH!!! (Flamedramon bounds above the city) Davis: AHHHHHHHHHHH--huh? (Davis spots Nefertimon) Kari: Boy, am I glad to see you! Guardromon: GRENADE DESTROYER!!! (Guardromon shoot Kari down. Gatomon loses form) Guardromon: INTRUDER. DESTROY. Gatomon: (hiss)

XD Davis having second thoughts got me.

For some reason, they have Kari notice Davis too, despite facing the opposite direction far below him. This doesn't affect anything, though. It's a harmless change. Just odd.

Despite their crash landing, Hikari and Tailmon still manage to pick themselves up as best they can with what little strength they have. They grit their teeth and face down the enemy's advance.

Pegasmon: SILVER BLAZE!!! Fladramon: KNUCKLE FIRE!!!

That's a new one from Pegasmon. Silver Blaze is a triangular beam he fires from a triangle mark on his helmet. Fladramon's using an oldie but a goodie, but he goes far enough to punch his Knuckle Fire directly into Guardromon's Evil Ring himself.

Hikari: Daisuke-kun! Takeru-kun! You came back for me! Daisuke: Hehe, did you hear that, Takeru? She said 'Daisuke-kun' first! Takeru: ^_^;; Good for you.

Takeru's line here is a little ambiguous. His face is all smiles but his delivery is strained and quiet. Is Takeru a little exasperated by Daisuke's Daisuke-ness that's been on full display all episode, or is he actually jealous about that? You decide.

While Daisuke hurries on ahead, Takeru spots a flanking Guardromon coming down a side alley. He peels off to take care of that.

Pegasmon: NEEDLE RAIN!!!

While Takeru and Pegasmon are dealing with that, Daisuke and Fladramon get Hikari on her feet.

Daisuke: Come on, Hikari-chan! Hurry!

In the dub:

Pegasusmon: EQUUS BEAM!!! Flamedramon: FIRE ROCKET!!! (Pegasusmon and Flamedramon neutralize the enemy) Kari: Hey, Davis! T.K.! You guys are my heroes! Davis: Actually, it was mostly my idea but I decided to bring T.K. along for the ride! T.K.: Whatever! ...huh!? (T.K. peels off to deal with that flanking Guardromon) Pegasusmon: STAR SHOWER!!! (Pegasusmon takes out the enemy while Davis gets Kari on her feet) Davis: Come on, Kari, we'd better get going!

I don't think we're meant to take Davis's line here as him literally trying to take all the credit. Since the animation has him looking up at T.K. as he says it, it comes off more as a playful ribbing to T.K., conveying that they may be getting along better.

Ironically, as the lyrics to Break Up end on "It's time to go!", Daisuke and Hikari find their path blocked. Andromon steps out into the road ahead of them. An Evil Ring is fixed around his neck, though it blends in pretty well with his color palette.

Daisuke: It's a different one this time! Hikari: (excited) Andromon!

For his third rundown in two series, Andromon is a Perfect-stage Vaccine-attribute Cyborg Digimon. The Chosen Children minus Hikari first met him on File Island, in ironically similar situations to where they are now. Then, he was in charge of a machine factory but he was under the control of Devimon's Black Gear.

They met him again, with Hikari, on Spiral Mountain. Andromon was leading a solo resistance against the Metal Empire. He ended up signing on with Taichi's team to see things through to the end.

And now here he is, fixed with an Evil Ring around his neck. It seems that it's Andromon's curse to always be wherever evil seeks to dominate the machines of the Digital World.

Narrator: Andromon! An experimental Perfect-stage cyborg Digimon. They use their arms to fire their special attack, Spiral Sword!

Pretty sparse rundown. I guess the narrator's getting bored of having to go back and talk about this guy again.

As the rundown ends, Hikari's excitement evaporates. She sees the Evil Ring around Andromon's neck.

Hikari: (gasp) ...Andromon.... Andromon: On order of the Kaiser-sama: The Chosen Children must be eliminated. Hikari: STOP IT, ANDROMON!!! Don't you recognize us!? Daisuke: What are you talking about, Hikari-chan!? Fladramon, clear the path! Fladramon: On it. FIRE ROCKET!!!

We don't know how Armor Digimon measure up to Perfect but we are about to find out. Fladramon takes to the air, using the actual Fire Rocket that the dub's been misusing the name of. Wreathing his body in flames, he shoots down towards Andromon.

Andromon: SPIRAL SWORD!!!

Fladramon goes down in one shot. Spiral Sword breaks through Fire Rocket and slams into Fladramon's face with so much force that it breaks his Armor form. The Digimental of Courage returns to Daisuke while V-mon plummets helplessly into the street below, landing on the back of his head.

Daisuke: V-MON!!! (Daisuke runs to V-mon) Daisuke: Hey, hang in there! V-mon: (pained) I've never seen such a powerful attack before....

Indeed, he has not.

In the dub:

Davis: Why can't these guys ever be small!? Kari: (excited gasp) ANDROMON!!! Andromon: (rundown) I am Andromon! I have one mission: Seek out my enemy and destroy him with my Lightning Blade. Kari: Huh!? He's got a Dark Ring! Andromon...? Andromon: I am programmed to destroy the enemy. You are the enemy. I will destroy you. Kari: Andromon, don't you remember us? We're your friends! Davis: Kari, you're hanging around with the wrong people. Flamedramon, you'll have to use all your power! Flamedramon: You got it! FLAMING FIST!!! Andromon: LIGHTNING BLADE!!! (Andromon knocks Veemon out of form) Davis: Whah!? (Davis runs to Veemon) Davis: Veemon, speak to me! Veemon: (pained) You're kneeling on my tail....

Knuckle Fire is Fire Rocket while Fire Rocket is Flaming Fist. That makes sense.

I like that Kari's transition from exuberance to dismay seems to have been prompted by Andromon's diegetic rundown. Like hearing him say that was her first clue that something's wrong. Since characters are explaining the rundowns in-universe, it's fun when other characters react to them.

I think "You'll have to use all your power" is supposed to explain why Veemon lost his Armor form after being his attack was deflected. In the original, Andromon just hit him that hard. Fladramon ran face-first into the brick wall of Evolutionary Power Levels.

This is the File Island factory all over again, with Andromon manhandling Greymon and Garurumon simultaneously while the Children watch with WTF printed on their faces.

Like before, when they were dialed back the exhaustion factor, the dub uses that line to tone down how hard Veemon was hit here. They also scrub Veemon's line explaining how powerful Andromon's attack was, swapping it for a laugh line with alternative explanation for why Veemon is in physical pain.

Startled by what just happened, Pegasmon drops off Takeru. Takeru breaks for Daisuke and V-mon while Pegasmon engages the enemy.

Pegasmon: SHOOTING STAR!!!

Pegasmon's wings open to unveil the cosmos, and he launches a set of star-shaped projectiles from them. Very cool, but also kind of a spray-and-pray. Only one star actually reaches Andromon, who effortlessly blocks it with one arm.

Andromon: SPIRAL SWORD!!!

Pegasmon won't be defeated so easily as Fladramon. He flits down and to the side, evading Andromon's attack and--

Pegasmon: GACK!!!

The arcing blade curves around in midair and strikes him in the back. Pegasmon is defeated as easily as Fladramon. We don't see the moment of impact, but the Digimental of Hope returns to Takeru's pocket while Patamon falls helplessly into Takeru's arms.

Patamon: (defeated) I knew Perfect-stage would be too strong.... Daisuke: Perfect-stage!? The hell is that!?

Daisuke doesn't get an answer because Hikari chooses now to roll a Charisma check instead.

Hikari: Andromon, have you forgotten that we fought together? Takeru: Hikari-chan, we don't even know if this is the same Andromon from back then! Hikari: I know they are. Takeru: Even so, they're being controlled by that Ring. Your voice won't reach them. Hikari: You're wrong!

Hikari's pinning a lot of trust on an avenue that has, up to this point, shown no sign that it could work and every sign that it would not. But she wouldn't be queen of the Numemon or have found her Tailmon partner if she made cynical choices.

In the dub:

Pegasusmon: STAR SHOWER!!! (Andromon blocks) Andromon: LIGHTNING BLADE!!! (Lightning Blade KOs Pegasmon) Patamon: (delirious) I'll have two cheeseburgers and a large order of fries.... Davis: That didn't work, so what now!? Kari: Andromon, don't you remember how we fought together? Side by side? T.K.: Kari, we have to get out of here! We don't even know if it's the same Andromon! Kari: I'm sure that it's him! T.K.: Yeah, but even if it is, he's under the control of the Digimon Emperor. He can't even hear your voice! Kari: You don't know that!

Patamon gets the opposite treatment as Veemon, being knocked loopy in cartoon fashion. If they could edit little flying pigs circling his head, they probably would.

This, for the third time, serves to scrub out all mention of "HIM" being in a different weight class from all the Digimon we've seen so far in 02. The dub seems determined to avoid that topic, leaving it unclear why he's tearing through our boys so effortlessly.

Before Takeru and Hikari can argue any further, Daisuke gets in the middle of it.

Daisuke: What are you doing!? We have to run!

As he approaches, Andromon's scanner notices the goggles on Daisuke's head. His database pulls up an image of Taichi to compare. It concludes "SAME ITEM". Andromon suddenly stops, hesitating to go any further.

Tailmon: NOW!!!

Patamon, Veemon, and Tailmon lunge for Andromon together. He makes no attempt to defend himself. The moment before they reach him, a red beam from the sky strikes him in the chest, knocking him off his feet. The other Digimon pile on top of him, helping gravity to bring him down.

Veemon & Patamon: WE GOT HIM!!! Tailmon: That beam just now....

Only Tailmon was paying attention. She looks to the sky to find the source of that shot: Horusmon flying in to the rescue.

Horusmon: FLAPPING LOVE, HORUSMON!!! Digmon: TADAAAAAAA!!!

Digmon erupts from the earth nearby.

Digmon: With full belly and full power, it's Digmon-sama dagyaa! Here we go! GOLD RUSH!!!

Full of arrogance, Digmon fires off all drills. While Andromon stands up, Digmon's drills bounce so harmlessly off Andromon's metal hide that he doesn't even flinch.

Digmon: Gyehhhh... No effect at all!

Andromon's power ruined Digmon's cool entrance. XD This is karma for the kanpyoumaki.

In the dub:

Davis: As much as I like you two arguing, he's heading right for us! (Andromon notices Davis's goggles and hesitates) Gatomon: LET'S GO!!! (Halsemon's shot and the Digimon's tackle knocks Andromon off his feet) Veemon & Patamon: Yeah! Gatomon: Here comes help now! Halsemon: (soaring in) I'm glad we're not too late. Digmon: Hi, guys! I thought since I was here, I'd build this city a subway system! Hold still, you pile of scrap metal! GOLD RUSH!!! (No effect) Digmon: Hey, that comment about scrap metal was just a joke!

Digmon is too busy quipping for the tragic showmanship of his Japanese counterpart.

Taichi and Iori come running up the street.

Taichi: HIKARI!!! ARE YOU OKAY!?!? Hikari: Onii-chan, it's Andromon!

On Taichi's approach, Andromon begins scanning him too.

Taichi: Andromon, it's me! It's Taichi! Andromon: (hesitant) ...Taichi....

His scanner pulls Taichi's image out of his databank once more and compares, before concluding "SAME HUMAN".

Suddenly, the Evil Ring around Andromon's neck activate blips. The sigils carved in it pulse red for a second, with an audible beeping sound, and the Ring crackles with electricity. Andromon cries out in pain and marches forward, swinging his arms.

Taichi scurries away from the attacking Andromon but Hikari stands her ground. He stops when he reaches her, staring her down, and Hikari stares him down right back.

Hikari: ... Andromon: ...

For the next ten seconds, Hikari and Andromon remain in a silent deadlock.

In the dub:

Tai: Kari! Are you okay! Kari: Yeah! But Tai, it's Andromon! (Andromon scans Tai) Tai: Andromon! Slow down! It's me, Tai! Andromon: Tai who? (Scanner matches Tai) Andromon: Oh, Tai! (Dark Ring activates and makes Andromon attack) Davis: KARI, LOOK OUT!!!

Thanks, Davis. Tai/chi rolled a 1 on his Onii-chan Save when he scurried away and left Hi/Kari right in the path of violence. But at least his kouhai Davis was watching out for her. From a safe distance.

The Crest of Courage!

(In seriousness, it's kind of amazing how we have three separate people ready and willing to throw themselves recklessly into danger to protect Hikari on-hand right at this moment. And yet, not one of them even tries to physically move her away from Andromon for this entire scene, with Taichi even leaving her behind when he flees Andromon's attack.

Hikari's putting off an impenetrable aura of "MY GODDAMN SCENE, ASSHOLES" that even Courage must yield to.)

Though they give Davis that one extra line, the dub lets those tense ten seconds of silence pass uninterrupted.

Andromon finally breaks the stalemate, grabbing Hikari by her shoulders and lifting her up.

Taichi: HIKARI!!! Tailmon: WAIT!!!

The second Hikari's feet leave the ground, everyone tries to jump in. Taichi, Daisuke, Takeru, and even Iori all move at once, surging towards Andromon. But Tailmon's warning cuts them off. She wants to let this play out.

With the gentle tones of the original OVA theme playing out, Hikari keeps staring into Andromon's eyes.

Hikari: Andromon? Andromon: ...Hikari...?

Andromon's scanner finds her image too.

Hikari: (teary-eyed) We took a picture together, didn't we?

A tear falls from Hikari's eye, landing on Andromon's face. In that moment, the rest of the image he's been drawing up appears around Taichi and Hikari. Though blurry and pixelized, it's unmistakably the vague impression of that photo they took on the Children's last day in the Digital World.

Andromon: A picture....

In the dub:

Boys: Huh!? Gatomon: Hey, you put her down now! Kari: Do you remember me? Andromon: I am... trying.... (Scanner matches Kari) Andromon: Yes! Kari: (teary-eyed) We all took a picture together Andromon: ...a picture....

The dub has Gatomon yell at Andromon instead of stopping the boys. This change disrupts the action of the scene. We see them rush for Andromon and then... nothing comes of it and we move right along to Kari's emotional moment.

What happened to the boys? Why aren't they trying to intervene, when we saw them doing that a second ago?

Andromon's close to breaking free, but he needs one more push. Hikari's Digivice falls from her pocket. Glowing with holy light, it hits his shoulder as it falls and breaks the dam.

Andromon: That's right... We all... took a commemorative photo....

Piece by piece, the photo in his memory fills in. Despite the Evil Ring, Andromon remembers.

Andromon: ...I've been under the control of this thing.

Now fully in control of his faculties again, Andromon reaches up and breaks off his own Evil Ring.

Hikari: (happy) Andromon! Andromon: (nods)

In the dub:

Andromon: Faces... long ago... DigiDestined... I love jigsaw puzzles... Now I see the complete picture! (Andromon returns to normal) Andromon: Kari! I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. (Andromon breaks off his own Dark Ring) Kari: (happy) Andromon! Andromon: (nods) Mhm!

Every time I feel like there isn't enough dialogue for a section, we get a line like "I love jigsaw puzzles". Abridged Parody-ass line awkwardly undercutting the emotional moment with quipping.

Andromon is free, but the city isn't. He turns his fury on the Kaiser's obelisk.

Andromon: Dark Tower... How dare you do this to us!? GATLING MISSILE!!!

Once more demonstrating the difference between Perfect strength and our own, Andromon's Gatling Missile rips the Tower apart in a single shot. His missiles impact the center, not only snapping off the upper portion but knocking over the lower section from the force of impact. The Tower crumbles beneath Andromon's power as easily as Fladramon and Pegasmon did.

With the signal to their Evil Rings lost, all Guardromon units in the city shut down.

Hikari: Hey... Are the Guardromon going to stay broken like this? Isn't there a way to return them to normal? Andromon: They're fine. We just need to restore the programming that the Evil Ring altered. Then they'll revert to normal.

Andromon demonstrates, first punching off the now useless Evil Ring from a Guardromon, then reaching his cables inside to reconfigure the unit.

Andromon: And then we will never allow the Kaiser to have his way here again. We will protect this city.

Andromon finishes with this unit. The Guardromon springs back to consciousness, raising their fists in jubilation at being free.

In the dub:

Andromon: That Control Spire is responsible for all this. Well, no more! GATLING ATTACK!!! (Andromon easily annihilates the Dark Tower) Kari: Andromon, are all of these Guardromon going to stay broken forever? Andromon: No. Their programs were rewritten by the Digimon Emperor. They just need to be reprogrammed. Watch. (Andromon punches off a Dark Ring and reprograms a Guardromon) Andromon: Actually, once I reprogram the Guardromon, I'll stay here to protect them in case the Digimon Emperor returns. (Andromon finishes) Guardromon: I feel fresh as a daisy!

The dub takes its third commercial break here, with that proclamation.

Dub Andromon doesn't seem quite as outraged as his counterpart, but this is nonetheless pretty close to original.

The Chosen Children return to Computer Club, only to find an angry Koushiro waiting for them.

Miyako: Izumi-senpai!? What are you doing here!? Koushiro: Shh! be quiet!

Koushiro and Taichi escort the junior team out of the building. When they reach the gate, Taichi checks to make sure it's clear before they all emerge into the night.

Koushiro: (increasingly angry) Yamato-san told me what was happening. I checked the Gate Sensor on my computer, where I saw that the Gate was, in fact, still open! And if a teacher came in and shut off the power, WHAT WOULD ANY OF YOU HAVE DONE THEN!?!?

Been screwed. They would have been screwed. None of them have an answer, and they all look sheepish as they follow. Except Hikari, who is offscreen during this scolding because she didn't make the reckless choice send the full team in and hold no one back.

Taichi: Heeeeey, I think that's enough. Really, you just wanted to go too, huh? Koushiro: TAICHI-SAN!!!

That isn't technically a no, but no, I think Taichi missed the mark. I think Koushiro is mad for exactly the reason he's explaining here. This poor neurodivergent boy had to trespass in a dark computer room after-hours and babysit the computer for what might have been up to an hour or two. I'd be furious too.

In the dub:

Davis: Come on, guys! Let's go home! (Reality-crossing stock animation) Tai: Izzy, were you waiting this whole time!? (long pause) Izzy: Shh. Let's go.

There's an awkward silence where Miyako's supposed to speak, but one that makes sense. They forgot to animate lip flaps for Miyako during her line. I guess the dub decided not to have anyone speak when everyone's mouths are onscreen and nobody's lips are moving so that it doesn't look like an obvious mistake.

Instead, they move the line and have it spoken during the preceding shot, which is a closeup of Koushiro's angry face, freeing up other characters for dialogue.

This leaves a couple seconds of dead air where Miyako's line is supposed to go, in which nobody moves or says anything at all. Which is awkward but entirely the fault of the original scene for not animating Miyako's lip flaps.

Why they gave her line to Tai, however, I have no answer for.

Izzy: Matt just called and told me what had happened with Kari. And I'm really upset that you guys have left me out of the loop! Cody called Tai for help and Tai called Matt, but no one ever calls me until the adventure is all over with! Tai: Come on, Izzy. Don't be like that. There was just no time to call you. You know you're a big part of the team. Izzy: THAT'S RIGHT!!!

The dub takes Taichi's alternate explanation and runs with it. Izzy is furiously jealous to such an irrational extreme that he self-defeats his own argument.

Like. We have to briefly mention the fact that Tai did not call Matt. It's not clear how Matt found out but his conversation with Tai established two things: That Matt just sorta heard about this through the grapevine somehow but was under no expectation of participating, and that he did not hear it from Tai.

But setting that aside, Izzy makes three statements here:

1 - Matt called and told me. 2 - I've been excluded from the group. 3 - Because Cody called Tai and Tai called Matt but no one called me.

Um. Izzy, what the fuck are you on about? Sounds like you were the next person in the chain. If anyone's derelict in their communication duty, it's you for not passing it along to... Sora or Joe, I guess.

Incidentally, this alternate version of Izzy's anger makes the shot of the junior team looking embarrassed and ashamed super confusing. What are they ashamed of? They did nothing wrong here. Tai and Izzy are just... having a spat, I guess.

Suddenly, Koushiro remembers he had something else to talk to the team about.

[Pic]

Koushiro: Right. Earlier, I got an email from a friend of mine in America. I'd asked them to analyze the data from Miyako-kun's Digivice. The results are in. Taichi: A friend in America? Koushiro: They've helped me a lot in the past. Taichi: Ahh, I remember!

IT'S WILLIS

This feels like it's supposed to be a callback to Our War Game but, ironically, the only time an American friend was pivotal to the plot was in the dub. So far as I know, this American friend that Taichi also knows is never extrapolated on.

It can probably be assumed that they're part of Koushiro's hacking nakama from that OVA.

Koushiro: So, about Miyako-kun and the others' Digivices. (Each of them takes out their Digivices to look at them) Koushiro: It said, "Digital", "Detect", and "Discover". These words were found inscribed within the data. Because all three of them begin with the letter "D", we'll refer to them as D-3 going forward. We've also found some other interesting things, such as-- Chibimon: (stomach gurgle) I'm hungry, Daisuke! Daisuke: (stomach gurgle) Ah! (sheepish) Me too.... Taichi: Koushiro, we can talk about this tomorrow. We all desperately need to get home soon. It's way past dinner time! Group: AHHHHHHH!!!

The group disperses and runs for it. Every child for themselves!

In the dub, Izzy's still ranting about being excluded.

Izzy: And as a team member, I expect to be treated with the same respect I give to all of you! I may not be as strong as you or Matt, but I've gotten us out of just as many jams with my particular skills! Tai: (resigned) I'm sorry I didn't call you. Izzy: Now that's what I call respect. Okay, I forgive you. Tai: Wow, that was easy!

This fills the space where the discussion of Koushiro's mysterious American friend goes. Kind of a shame because we're about a month out from the release of Digimon: The Movie so this would have been a golden opportunity to shill Willis and whet the audience's appetite. XD

Izzy: Oh, I almost forgot the reason I came here. I examined the new Digivices-- (Everyone takes out their Digivice) Izzy: --and determined that they have three different settings: Digital, Detect, and Discover. Maybe we should call them D-3s from now on. Prodigious little devices, aren't they? I had a lot of help with the research from my friend Willis in America. Maybe you guys will meet him some day.

NEVER MIND, THERE IT IS

Good job, Dub Team. No marketer worth their salt would ever let a golden opportunity like this pass them up.

Izzy: Anyway, I think the D-3s might have sent a message to Andromon's memory banks which then made him--AUGH!!! DemiVeemon: Please finish talking after we eat! Davis: HUH!? Ugh, we forgot about dinner! Tai: That's right! Our parents are waiting for us! The food's probably cold and soggy by now. Of course, for my mom, that's an improvement. Let's go!

The curse of the missing sound effects strikes again. Nobody's stomachs rumble, which leaves Izzy suddenly reacting to nothing in particular. DemiVeemon's line at least flows into Davis's without the gurgle. There is a sound for him, but it's a wacky spring sound to signal his distressing realization.

Fortunately, they still managed to make Izzy shut up about whatever he's wrong about now. XD No, Izzy, the D-3s did not "send a message to Andromon's memory banks".

Meanwhile, poor Yamato is already home and desperately trying to finish that dinner he promised.

Hiroaki: You're awfully late today, Yamato. If I'd known, I could have gotten something while I was out. Yamato: It's fine. I'll get it made.

The nagging won't get it cooked any faster, Hiroaki. I'm starting to understand why you're divorced.

Hiroaki: Oh, did something happen? Yamato: (fuming, thinking) I have to go on a date! Daisuke, you owe me big for this one. (Smoke begins to rise from the pan while Yamato's not paying attention) Hiroaki: Hey, Yamato! Something's burning.... Yamato: (snaps out of it) Huh!? Oh, crap!

Never mind, Hiroaki. Nag away. You lose the high ground when you set the apartment on fire.

Across town, Ken's mother wheels Ken's dinner to his room on a fucking cart.

Mother: Ken-chan? I'm leaving your dinner here.

As if this is simply routine, she leaves the cart outside Ken's door and leaves.

Inside Ken's room, he's already returned from the Digital World. He sits in the dark, illuminated only by the glow of his monitor, and stews.

Ken: So then, to control them at Perfect-stage... Does this mean the Evil Ring is insufficient?

We leave the episode here, with Ken pondering the results of this recent trial run. I'm sure good things will come of this.

In the dub:

Hiroaki: Some girl named Jun called today, Matt, and she said you had a date with her on Friday. She wanted me to tell you that she made dinner reservations for you two at Morealis (???). Matt: Morealis? What's that? Hiroaki: The most expensive restaurant in town. Matt: (fuming, thinking) This is all Davis's fault. I can't believe I have to take his sister out on a date! Hiroaki: Hey Matt, something smells great! I'm getting hungry? Matt: (snaps out of it) Huh!? Uagh... dinner's ready!?

Dub Jun is incredibly proactive. Holy shit, she is milking this for all it's worth.

The dub leaves the audience to infer the state of dinner, based both on the massive amounts of smoke and Matt's horrified reaction. XD

Ken's Mother: Supper time! Ken, dear! You're busy. I'll leave it outside your door! (Ken's mom leaves the cart; Cut to interior) Ken: Blast, those Digivices are becoming a nuisance to me! I've gotta get them away from those kids! Narrator: What is the Digimon Emperor's plot against the DigiDestined? Find out next time on Digimon: Digital Monsters!

And we close the dub with one last scrubbing of all mention of Perfect-stage Digimon.

Implicitly agreeing with Izzy that the D-3 was responsible for the Andromon incident, Dub Ken schemes to strip the DigiDestined of their Digivices. That's not what's driving the plot forward though so we'll see if that gets followed up on or not.

Also, his mom is much more upbeat and positive about the cart thing. In contrast to Japanese Mama, she makes it sound like she's actually expecting Ken to come out at first.

Assessment: Okay. So. I need to go off about this.

The fun thing about the triangle dynamic between Daisuke, Takeru, and Hikari is that Takeru and Hikari have a close friendship but not one that is necessarily romantic. Though one that absolutely could be romantic, and the creators are not shy about teasing them as a ship. See above, re: Takeru's hand in shippy places in the back of that one shot.

But while certain other pairings absolutely do close off into canon coupling, Takeru and Hikari remain ambiguous, and that makes the dynamic with Daisuke so much more interesting. Daisuke is jealous of the close bond Takeru and Hikari have right from the start, but misdiagnoses it as Takeru and Hikari coupling up.

While we, the audience, know exactly what it is. Whether or not there are romantic feelings involved is irrelevant. What Daisuke's jealous of is Takeru and Hikari's bond of shared experiences that no one their age could possibly understand or relate to. They went to war together. They dangled from that rope over Piemon's observatory together.

Hikari is not interested in Daisuke romantically. But that disinterest is unrelated to whatever feelings she may or may not have for Takeru. Whether she does or doesn't, she doesn't need to have feelings for Takeru to not want to go out with Daisuke.

Daisuke declared Takeru to be his love rival on day 1, to Takeru's eternal confusion. Daisuke thinks this is a love triangle. But what's really going on here is that Daisuke is shadow-boxing Hikari and Takeru's fire-forged bond of mutual trauma. And losing.

This episode really emphasizes how much of a rookie Daisuke is. Both in terms of his understanding of Digimon metaphysics and also with the core dynamics of the Chosen Children nakama. He is very much The New Guy, a position he chafes at.

Nonetheless, despite spending a decent chunk of it on Takeru and Daisuke, this episode is about neither of them. It's about Hikari and, specifically, how much she means to the people in her life due to her strength of will and force of personality.

It's a combination of factors that make the Evil Ring break down.

Perfect-stage Digimon are too powerful to reliably be controlled.

Hikari weaponizing her relationship with Andromon to compel him to resist.

Hikari's intrinsic holy light, channeled through her Digivice, doing what it used to do to Black Gears.

All three of these factors together resulted in Andromon's unprecedented moment of willfully breaking free from the Kaiser's control device.

This was only possible because Andromon is Perfect, but this was Hikari's victory.

[crqelsummer]

reiko is such a Character and i hate her

[saeun]

professional guide on how to boyfriend jujutsu kaisen ( men ).

⤹ list ﹢ gojō satoru, sukuna ryōmen, chōsō.

﹙ syn ﹚ having near-to-zero experience with serious romantic relationships, it's time to teach them how to romance. the journey won't be easy, but the results will hopefully be fruitful.

extra. songs: betcha (bbh), seven (jk), very nice (svt).

week one : how to flirt as if you were shakespeare. note. refrain from using big words because they sound ‘cool’.

GOJO SATORU — "you're hating on my vocabulary?"

slowly, but very surely, you can feel your stress-meter rise to its peak. if someone were to animate your current expression, there will be three veins protruding out on your forehead to show your stress. it's almost as if it's second-nature for satoru to be annoying. he isn't doing it on purpose, unfortunately, it's just the way he is.

i should've ignored his call, a voice in your head speaks, i really should've. you were enjoying your own presence, simply lazing around during your off-day when three rings disrupted the peace. groaning, you reluctantly picked it up.

"hello—"

"come to enha's bakery, PLEASE," satoru's rushed voice spoke, immediately ending the call after his request-demand.

annoyance dawned and slowly transitioned into confusion. first, he needs to fix his habit of cutting you off. second, with the tone of his voice, maybe you should go.

big mistake.

not only was he chewing your ears off with talking, he also ate half of your pastry. you weren't able to get a full sentence in, he just kept going. dressed in suit and tie, hair styled and gelled up, satoru looked handsomely professional. according to what you've gathered from his rambling, he's been set up with one of the higher ups' daughter for business purposes. he needs to woo her or he's gonna lose a significant amount of pay. the problem? well, his flirting skills aren't all that. his confidence can help him, but it'll only help for a fraction of the date.

"what's the issue? you're handsome," you started, sliding your pastry back to you. "you should be able to woo her with your face alone."

"you are not wrong—"

"i'm never wrong," you cut him off.

"let me speak. anyway, i was informed that she isn't one for looks alone. i don't care about her, but she's the daughter of some high fucker," his voice reeked of defeat.

you weren't well-knowledged in satoru's field of work, but you knew he had it against the "higher ups." well, you had no choice but to know. satoru often thought of you as someone he can be free with — so, in conclusion, you were the victim of his word-vomit moments.

the two of you fell silent, thinking about solutions to save satoru. eyeing the pastry, you pondered your brain. there has to be a way to help satoru. perhaps some walkie-talkies? no, those are too loud. follow him into the restaurant and monitor his behaviour? no, that's too much work. crash his date and ask him why he's cheating on you? no, that'll probably end in your death.

satoru himself is deep in thought, already annoyed at the date that's going to become the bane of his existence in eight hours from now. should he bring you with him? maybe, but you'll deny his offer. should he ask you to pretend to be his girlfriend? no, he'd rather ask without the "pretend."

oh he's fucked.

i'm so fucked.

"wait," you leaned into the table, sporting an expression that says 'i have an idea'.

"yes?" satoru mirrors you, eyes speaking 'tell me'.

"what if i teach you how to flirt? we should have enough time to teach you how to boyfriend, right?" your idea was good. it turned the gears in both minds.

satoru opens his mouth but presses it into a thin line. there's an obstacle in the way of making this idea perfect.

"sounds good but.. the date's... tonight."

"you are fucked."

he nods at your response, feeling the salt rubbing in his wound. i guess i should just—

"but, if we go now we'll have enough time. it's 11AM, we can do it," you tapped your index finger twice on your phone's screen, showing satoru the time. if you move now, success is evident.

"let's go then," agreeing, he stands up, stuffing his car keys into his pocket and opening his wallet.

—

you've run out of pillows and whiteboard markers. the last two hours were spent either scribbling nonsense on a mini-whiteboard or throwing objects at satoru. the teaching isn't working. every lesson you've gone through ended in satoru's failure. is it on purpose? you hope it isn't.

"satoru, for the last time, that does not sound like a real word!" your hand slapped the table, physically showing your frustration.

groaning, satoru throws his head back, "you said use poetic words!"

"what part of scrumdiddlyumptious sounds poetic to you?!" you deadpanned at him.

he slouches further down the couch, grabbing his phone to search the word on google. it took him only one minute to find the word and its definition. raising up from slouching, he leans over the coffee table, stretching an arm out to show you the word.

"scrumdiddlyumptious — adjective · informal 1. (of food) extremely tasty; delicious. 2. (of a person) very attractive."

reluctant to admit defeat, you weaponized the word being informal against him, "it's not formal! you will not use it."

satoru's high of being right dies down immediately. his mouth twitches, eyes looking at you with disbelief.

"babe, you cannot be serious right now."

"babe, i am so serious right now," you mocked him, not thinking too deep into his nickname. there's no meaning behind it anyway. you, too, use babe as platonic name.

eventually, satoru tuned out your voice. he returned back to his previous slouching position, staring at you blankly as your words go in one ear and out the other.

it didn't take long for you to notice his dejected aura. does he hate it that much? you wondered, feeling a slight pity for him.

"don't worry, satoru. it's just one date."

"i will be worrying," satoru counters you, already sour at the date-to-come.

if he were to be honest, the date isn't the problem, nor is the flirting. he believes his flirting skills to be at a decent level. he also doesn't mind spending money on others. it's just that he doesn't want to entertain her. maybe, just maybe, if it were you, he'd be more excited.

you didn't say anything after him, only shooting him an annoying smile. seriously, you don't know what's worrying him. he's basically every girl's eye candy — not to mention, he looks so much like a boyfriend right now. that doesn't make a lot of sense, but if others can see what you're seeing, they'll understand. his white fitted tee accentuates his upper body's muscles, the black sweatpants do its job, his hair that's still styled, and the silver wristwatch on his hand. simple, yet sexy.

SUKUNA RYOMEN — "i'm too old for this shit."

sukuna, your sweet sukuna. your sukuna who's most likely weighing out which option is the better one to shut you up. he doesn't know why he agreed to listen to your rambles at midnight, but he's too far in to call it quitsies.

according to what you told him, you gained the idea of teaching him how to update his romance. it all came crashing to you when you were in the third-quarter of an episode of some random dating show. you blanked out most of the episode, not paying attention as the main objective of watching it was to not stare into nothing while eating.

the show itself didn't interest you, but the concept did. the participants were blindfolded, being told to use their judgement of character to choose their date. they'd have to rely on their personalities and voices to attract someone — a pretty neat idea. looks aren't everything. unfortunately, they might just be for sukuna if he doesn't work on his attitude.

often does sukuna act like he's a fifty-five-years-old office worker named penelope in the management department: old, easily annoyed, and always has something to complain about. you're probably the only human on earth who can handle sukuna for more than a day. of course, this is due to you being similar to him — if not then exactly like him. your attitudes fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces.

sukuna's hands are clasped together behind his head, one leg raised on the bed, and torso out in the open for everyone to view. he's actively listening to you, giving his judgement here and there.

you're sitting with your legs criss-crossed, a pillow in the middle of your thighs, and hands speaking their own language. the habit of using your hands expressively when talking will never leave you.

"...so, if you were to find a girl, you neeed to be kind! no one likes a man with a stick up his ass," you warned sukuna, moving your index finger side-to-side.

"you do," sukuna says, raising an eyebrow at you.

unfortunately, he left you speechless — but not for long! you soon regained your speaking skills after realizing you don't have a good comeback.

coughing two times, you started your lesson again, "anyyyway, always tell her she's beautiful, gorgeous, breathless, or whatever. everyone loves a little compliment about their appearance!"

almost as if it's an automatic setting, sukuna replies, "what if she's facially challenged?"

"OH—" your jaw dropped. "sukuna, you can't just say that!"

he re-positions himself, this time laying on his side with his arm supporting his head.

"if someone's visually impaired i'm telling them."

you sighed, feeling disappointed at his brutual honesty, "what do you even mean by visually impaired?"

"they're ugly," he shrugs.

his tone isn't serious, implying that he's joking but you know he isn't. sukuna's a man of his word; the truth is what leaves his mouth every time. you shouldn't worry — you really, really shouldn't, but what if that's what he thinks about you? are you facially challenged in his eyes? you've gone silent, allowing yourself to drown in the thoughts.

sukuna notices your silence, sighs, and jabs your side with his foot.

"if you're thinking that i believe you're ugly, then stop," he begins, continuing the foot-jabbing-at-your-side-movement when you don't respond. "you're beautiful, believe me. you know i don't lie."

that catches your attention. you feel a sudden heat creeping up the back of your neck. keeping your voice low, you questioned him, still unsure of whether he's being truthful or not, "are you lying?"

"i swear," his voice is firm, reaching his free hand out to your thigh. physical contact to him is very important!

you return to the silence, only this time you lock your eyes in sukuna's. it's up to you to believe whether he's lying or not, and honestly, you don't care. you know he never lies, and you rather enjoy your fantasy instead of the harsh reality ( if he's truly lying ).

CHOSO — "man, fuck all that."

throughout your entire life you never expected to meet someone like choso. he is, in your words, a bitch boy. acts like a bitch, very expressive with his facial expressions, sarcastic, a male, and the worst of all, a little thief.

you humbly thought baking with choso would've been a good idea for celebrating the end of your finals. oh you were so wrong. he's messy, ate half the chocolate chips, and has been stealing spoons of cookie batter. when you confronted him, he simply said, "we can always make more," and shrugged. the audacity!

there's only so much choso someone can handle before they explode.

"you dumb fuck, how can you get a wife with this behaviour?!" you scolded, slapping his hand away from the freshly baked batch of cookies with a whisk.

he immediately retreats his hand, looking at you with an expression that says 'have you gone insane?'

"don't look at me like that," you warned, raising an eyebrow at his very well-hidden annoyance at you.

choso rolls his eyes, this time reaching the uninjured hand for the sprinkles. he sneakily slides the packet to him, intensely watching you to make sure you don't happen to see him committing such a crime. mouthing a little "yes!" at his victory, he empties half the sprinkles in his hand and throws it into his mouth.

"an’ wha’ if i ‘on't care about a wife," his words are muffled due to his mouth being filled with the sprinkles. he tries his best to hide the crunch sound, lowering his head each time he needs to crunch on some.

your back's still turned to him, simply too busy with monitoring sugar-soon-to-be-caramel on the stove.

"you're gonna have to care soon. you don't wanna die alone!" you nagged, making a point to him.

his right eyebrow raises at your words, lips ready to move at your hypocrisy, "you yourself said you don't want a partner!"

"at this point," you stopped, turning around to face choso. "i'm gonna have to teach you how to be a romantic young man."

"what are you implying...?"

"it's time for dating lessons."

"no, thank you."

unfortunately, choso has no say in this household. he had to listen. you sat him down on the chair, making sure he focuses with all his attention and doesn't steal any of the desserts. believe choso when he said he tried to take you seriously. he really did, but your messy apron along with vigorously hand-mixing batter with a serious expression as you talked his ear off caught him off-guard.

"sometimes you even have to get on your knees, choso! i'm telling you."

"i'm not doing all of that," he disagrees.

"oh, trust me. when you're in love you will," you spoke, resting the hand-mixer down to draw an invisible heart in the air.

he doesn't give you a verbal response. instead, he squints his eyes at you. when one's gone, another is born. when one stress is gone, another is born ( your nagging ). he doesn't like it one bit, but at least it's coming from you. he'd rather have you down his ears — whether it's by using your vocals or channeling your inner mother and scolding him.

[yandere-paramour]

Whats it like when Darling has their first time with Noelle?

First time with Noelle - NSFW

It was hard to pin Noelle down. Ever since you moved in, you two had followed the same routine. She gently encouraged you to work less and less because it made you oh so exhausted, to stay inside for your own safety, to lay back and relax because she would take care of everything. You became a housewife who didn't actually do anything. Noelle had a woman come in to clean and cook and deliver anything that needed delivering, your job, she said, was to be adorable.

And you were. You slept 10 hours every night and usually found the time to take an afternoon nap. You ate and drank when you were supposed to and looked pleased with the praise Noelle heaped upon you when she checked when she came home. You let her dress you in soft, flowy fabrics and coo over what a lovely little sweetheart you were. You even let her bathe you and wash your hair while you lay boneless in the bubbly water.

It was a relaxing existence, albeit a boring one. Any form of entertainment you asked for, Noelle delivered. Any book, streaming service, or gaming console would be delivered, and you were free to browse the internet and try as many new hobbies as you desired. Spending your days with Sasha as company, you lived like a pampered queen, and Noelle worked hard every day to provide for you.

And that was the one problem.

Noelle worked with Ms. Atalanta five, sometimes six, days a week, and the hours were never consistent. Some days she would be gone from before the sun rose to long into the next morning, other days she would be strolling back in the door in early afternoon. This kind of sounded stupid, but it was hard to find time for yourself. Especially... in that way. It seemed that any time the heat started to pool in your core, when your fingers got itchy and started to wander lower and lower, Noelle would come in the door looking for you, and you would have to throw on your clothes and act like you hadn't been furiously masturbating. It was infuriating.

And you couldn't go to Noelle with this. Sure, you two had done some kissing and heavy petting, and while she had been under your shirt, you both had never crossed the waistbands of each other's pants. There just... weren't enough hours in the day, and Noelle really didn't seem interested. You expected her to initiate one day, and you would gladly have spread your legs, but she never did, and you were too shy to do it yourself.

You were really starting to get frustrated. When you moved in, you had brought your toys, but they must've gotten mixed with you and Noelle's things somehow because you hadn't been able to find them. And trust, you had looked. You hated admitting to this, but you were turning into a horny animal.

And the horny was turning your brain to mush. At least, that's how you rationalized it as you lay prone on the bed, blue silk panties in a pool on the floor, your fingers frantically pumping in and out of you as you chased an orgasm too far out of reach. You sure weren't shy anymore.

"And what do we have here?" A familiar voice came from behind you and ice filled your veins.

Your head whirled over your shoulder. You must've looked like an idiot, face down, ass up, fingers still inside you as you looked at Noelle, leaning against the door jamb, eyebrow raised as she took you in.

Slowly, you took your hand out, careful to keep the excess fluid from dripping on the silk sheets. You turned over, trying unsuccessfully to regain some dignity as you pulled the blankets over to cover yourself.

"Hi Noelle," You swallowed dryly, "When did you come home?"

"Just now. And to something interesting, I might add. What are we doing?" Noelle gave you a mildly disapproving look and your face burned with shame, then anger.

"This is your fault!" You exploded at her, "What the hell do I have to do to get you to touch me? I've lived with you for eight months and you never go past kissing! I'm in your bed every night in a silk neglige and no panties! Am I not attractive to you or something?"

You started to lose some steam, and tears came to your eyes, "Don't you love me?"

Noelle was silent for a minute, and you started to wilt. As small as she was, she had an incredibly imposing presence and you had never even spoken sharply to her before, let alone yelled at her like this. You had no idea why she was looking at you in that way, or what she might say or do. You didn't want to admit it, but you were kind of scared.

"Oh, baby..." Noelle looked at you with pitying eyes, "I clearly have not been taking care of you the way you needed. I had no idea, Princess."

Well, this was unexpected, "What?"

"I was trying to take it slow and really ease you in, but I guess I was a little too slow. I just didn't want to push you too fast."

"Huh? What do you-"

"Take off the rest of your clothes. On your back, legs spread. I'm going to the closet for a minute, and you will wait here for me."

"Noelle, I don't understan-"

"Now."

At the sound of her authoritarian voice, you hurried to obey. You tore your shirt off and lay on your back wide open as instructed, your genitals lubricating despite your confusion and apprehension. What was she doing? Was she going to punish you? Was masturbating not allowed here? You had been punished before but never sexually, and Noelle had never made the rule clear if it even existed, but would she listen if you protested? You were unclear how important this was to her; maybe she was angrier than you'd ever seen her and she would spank you. You heard Ms. Atalanta did that to her wife and she reported it was effective at curbing disobedient behavior. But then, why would she order you on your back?

A sound came from your right and you turned to gape. Noelle was naked, every inch of her soft pale body on display and illuminated by day, making her look like a goddess emerging from the sunlight. You had seen her naked before, you both bathed together most nights, but you had never seen the harness and erect dildo she had strapped to her front. The contraption was massive, making Noelle's body look smaller in comparison, and what little ration you had left in your body wondered if it would fit. You weren't a virgin, but you were tight and unsure if you would stretch to fit that mammoth thing inside you.

You tried to sit up, but she was on you in seconds, that snake on the front of her body lining up with your hole. You stilled, and some of the fear must have bled into your eyes because Noelle paused. She put her hands on your face, making you look her in the eye.

"Are you scared? I'll stop if you're scared," She said.

"I-I'm not scared, just... will that fit?"

Noelle popped two fingers down to check you, "It'll be a little of a stretch but you can take me. I'm sure of it."

"I-I can?"

She grinned, and the love in her eyes comforted you, "You're my girl. I know you can."

With that, she entered you in one swift motion. She surprised you, enabling your muscles not to tense up until she was fully inside. You yelped, more in surprise than discomfort, and Noelle chuckled. She was right; you had been able to take her with little more than the burn as you stretched deliciously around her. She gave you only a few seconds to get used to the feeling of her inside you before she started. She was only gentle for a few strokes before she truly found her rhythm, folding up your legs onto her shoulders in a mating press so she could fuck you harder. She pounded into you roughly, the soft mattress bouncing you up and down as you struggled to keep yourself steady. Noelle's soft grunts came with every stroke and you mewled like a kitten and drooled as she took you.

It truly surprised you the strength this small woman had in her body. She mounted you like an animal, pumping away with everything she had. You could see the strain in her muscles, and you wanted her to take a break and rest before she exhausted herself, but all your mouth could say was "Yes" and "More" and "Please please please".

Ever the observer, Noelle noticed when you were nearing orgasm. She growled something dominating in your voice, commanding you to orgasm for her, and you howled like a coyote as you came. Tears rolled down your face, and you collapsed dizzy, exhausted, and sweating back onto the bed. You must've looked like a sight, fucked into a state of bliss and drenched in your own fluids. Noelle pulled out of you, looking down at you warmly as she swiped some of you off the dildo, bringing her fingers to her mouth to taste you.

"I knew you would be sweet," She chuckled, lightly pinching your cheek in a gesture of fondness.

"N-Noelle, that was-"

"I know, Princess. Try and relax, okay? Let me take care of you."

"Take... care of me?"

"You've lost a lot of fluids," She gestured between your legs, "Let me get you some water."

"No," You grabbed her arm to keep from leaving you, "Not yet. Don't go yet."

"I'm not leaving you, sweetheart. I'm just going to get you some water and something quick to eat."

You gave her your softest, most pathetic gaze, "Not yet, please? I just want to cuddle first."

Noelle froze for a second in that shocked look she always gave you when you surprised her, then softened, "Well I can't deny that request. Scoot over, baby."

Noelle slipped the harness off her hips and dropped it on the floor to clean later. She slid in behind you, tucking her body around yours, and you curled in response to her becoming the big spoon. It was safe here in her arms; she was so much stronger, smarter, more ambitious than you. It was easier for you to just settle in her arms, content to be a pretty pet for her to love and care for and occasionally reward with a good fucking. Maybe the necklace she gave you was her inconspicuous way of collaring you, her way of marking you as hers before others, or even you, knew for sure.

Noelle whispered about how good you were, how well you took every little thing she gave you and how perfect you looked with her cock spearing you in half. You listened, her words liquefying your mind and the pleasant tingling in your used genitals soothing your body. You would be sore later, but now you were snug in her arms, the hormones of your orgasm and the soft song Noelle hummed putting you to sleep.

She kissed your forehead, and you made a soft, sleepy noise in response.

Noelle chuckled, "Go to sleep, angel. I'll be here when you wake up, and you and I can have a long conversation about new expectations when you wake up."

You made a confused sound, and she patted your head and hushed you.

"I know, Princess," Noelle pacified you, "I know what you want and I promise, I'll do that a lot more often. I'd give you anything, remember?"

You gave a small happy wiggle and snuggled back in, pleased that your amazing girlfriend knew you better than you knew yourself, and had promised to fuck you like a dog in heat more frequently.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

All Kinds of Trouble

Alfie Solomons x Reader, Fluff, 1.2k words

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Hi guys!! Ok so maybe hiatus is over? I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not hold myself to high standards in posting schedules. Again, therapy and Bar prep are a lot to handle rn, but I was able to do this little piece! This is based of a request sent in by my sweet friend @jassiefayee !!!! I hope you enjoy this angel!! Anyway, love you all so much! Have an amazing day!

Alfie didn’t find peace in many things. The business and all. Made him toss and turn at night, and in the daylight caused him to explode from the pure idiocy of people around him.

But walks in the park with Cyril? Now that gave him peace. With Cyril by his side, anyone who may have wanted to cause trouble stayed far away. Cyril’s imposing stature and mean looking face kept many men looking to scrap at bay, but little did they know that Cyril was by far the sweetest dog in Camden. And the fresh air did Alfie good. Being out in the park, feeling the breeze, hearing children and birds milling about created a sort of temple for him. A quiet place for him to let his mind rest, talk to himself (or God if he had a particular question), or just hum to the beat of Cyril's paws on the ground. This was his rest. This was his peace.

Now it should be noted, that one of the reasons that Alfie loved this particular park was that it was free of distractions for both him and Cyril. While Cyril was a very sweet and good natured dog who hardly ever caused an unnecessary ruckus, he was still a dog. And dogs have this strange habit, if not fantastic ability, to completely change the course of their owner's life.

So it was during a brisk walk on a fine November day where Alfie was suddenly pulled with all the force of heaven’s angels by Cyril’s lead through the park. And just as quick as he was yanked he was halted, nearly tripping over his boots and coat, and falling into Cyril and what might possibly be one of those treacherous angels.

It had become a relatively new habit for you to take a few moments of your day to sit in the park. Whether strolling, reading, or simply listening to the music of the city, you found the meditative state you entered in the park particularly divine. Spending all day cooped up in the house was not doing anyone any favors, and your mother insisted that you look at the sky, breathe in fresh air, or do something to get your energy out. And you enjoyed the respite from your family’s eyes and ears, and the view you caught of other people’s comings and goings. Often making up stories for the familiar faces that passed your eyes.

You had seen Mr. Solomons and his a dog before. It was hard to miss them. Both imposing. Even if Mr. Solomons wasn’t physically too tall, the air in which he carried himself made him seem absolutely monstrous. And the dog he walked along with came with a silent stature to match. When you mentioned to your mother that Mr. Solomons frequented your park, she all but forbid you to go to the park again. He was dangerous. A brute. Nothing good was associated with him. He was an animal. Damned.

Everyone in Camden had a story about Mr. Solomons. Even if they personally had never met him, they knew someone who knew someone who had crossed his path and suffered greatly. Fewer than those who crossed his path, were the women who had the pleasure of spending an evening with him. Demanding. Particular. Incredibly cross with hardly a smile crossing his firm mouth and creased brow. You had heard them all, many a time. And each time you heard the stories more fantastical and gory and outrageous they became. From the way the neighbors spoke of him, he might has well been an ogre who ate good men for supper. A confidant of the devil himself.

Yet those stories never deterred you from letting your eyes wander over to him when he made his way to the park. Surely observing doesn’t damn one’s soul right? And wondering if stories are true surely cannot condemn. Besides, he was never close enough to truly make a difference. A glance and gaze and thought were all that you experienced with the fearsome King of Camden. Until this afternoon, when that monstrous dog came charging at you with a gleeful and slobbery smile. And for whatever reason you never moved from your seat. You stayed planted on your spot on the bench, waiting for whatever was to come. And your supposed attack was merely a disgusting kiss to the neck and chin from the dog, and happy pants from it as well. It’s master, cursing and bellowing at hundred pound puppy who was uninterested in the threats of its flustered master.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the reddened face of Mr. Solomons, clearly out of breathe from the exertion of the sudden chase. “Mr. Solomons are you quite alright? Do you need to sit?”

“Hmm? No, no don’t worry about me angel, m’fine. This damn dog knows better than to run full force in a park. You alright love? Hope Cyril didn’t scare ya.”

You smiled warmly at him, and he was convinced he must have died in the chase and gone to Heaven. Your sweet eyes and tempting lips all too pretty to be here in Camden. You scratched Cyril’s ears before answering, "Oh no Mr. Solomons, I'm fine. Cyril here is very very sweet."

"Now treacle, I think I'm at a disadvantage. Don't like that at all me. Now how is it yeah, that you know my name and now my dog's name... but I don't get to know your name sweetness?"

With a quirked brow you answer, "Oh Mr. Solomons, everyone knows your name. The ferocious King of Camden, and his demon dog. Lots of tales about you Mr. Solomons.”

Alfie allowed himself a smile at your cheek, “Lots of stories eh? Which one is your favorite?”

“The one where you bested the devil himself in a game of chess and won the keys to hell.”

Alfie made himself comfortable next to you on the bench, making sure that his thigh touched yours, “Is that so? Your mum tell you that little one?”

You shook your head, “No sir. She told me I wasn’t to go near you.”

“And yet here you are, talking to bad men. Tsk tsk tsk. Naughty ain’t you?”

“It’s fun to be naughty sometimes. Don’t you agree Mr. Solomons?”

Alfie couldn’t help but bring his shiny rings to your cheek, taking stock of your face. You never flinched away, keeping fiery eyes locked on his. He hummed a tune you didn’t know, and stated, “There’s an opera tonight at 8. You’ll come with me. Wear something nice.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange men.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange women. Yet here we are sweet. I thought you liked being naughty.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his brazenness. In truth, you couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to get this far. But it was too delicious to let go now. “You’ll pick me up on the corner of 10th and Victoria? At 6pm.”

“Now what will I do with you for two hours before the play treacle?”

You shrugged, “Show me how the King of Camden has a good night.”

Alfie laughed heartily, “Fuck me you really are a bad little thing aren’t you. Alright sweetness, I’ll pick you up there at 6. And let’s see what we can get up to.”

[albertdabuttler]

Masked Adversary | D.L.

MASTERLIST

this fics masterlist

fandom: Kick-Ass

pairings: Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass x F!Reader

WARNINGS: cussing, suggestive thoughts?? mentions of kissing 👅👅, angst and overthinking cause im a hater. SLOW BURN :P

summary: You and Dave have lost a childhood friendship. The circumstances have made you grow to despise one another, until KickAss has no one else to turn to but you, causing him to develop a small crush. The only problem being that you don't know it's him.

WC: Like 3k idk

Guys lmk if I ate…

———————

You had just finished showering when you heard your mom calling your name, telling you there was someone at the door for you. Thankfully, you were dressed and had finished drying your hair already. “Coming!” Opening the door of your steamy bathroom, you were met with Dave walking past to your room.

“I already sent him up!” She called from downstairs, far too late.

“Hey,” You spoke in a rather awkward tone, slipping past him towards your room as he followed. “Uh, sorry if it’s a little messy, I was gonna organize it before you got here but you got here already so… Yeah.” You picked up everything from your desk, taking your things to your bed to study comfortably.

Dave stood there awkwardly, not sure if he should also sit on your bed with you or… Anywhere else.

“Come on, dude,” you scoffed in amusement, patting your bed to get him to sit down. He laughed nervously, setting his bag next to your bed and taking his notebook and pen out. He sat down across from you, at the end of your bed while you sat by your pillows.

“Nice shirt,” he said, seeing the Robin shirt you were wearing and remembering he had drenched it in his blood. You looked down at it, smiling to yourself. “I found it in my closet yesterday and… I—I just washed it.” Dave himself was just wearing a tee and sweats.

“Okay, so I was able to get half of my stuff done after you dropped me off earlier, but I still have this part to finish.” You pointed at your laptop, showing him what you still had to write and continued to talk about what else you had to finish.

It was a project for science. The two of you had to put together a presentation on some animals or something.

“So…” you tapped your pen against your knee.

Finishing writing a sentence, he lifted his eyes to look at you, “Yeah?”

Was it just you or was he actually starting to look… Good?

“Um…” You looked to the side as you thought of an ice breaker. “You had any girlfriends yet?”

He blushed and smiled awkwardly, “Uh…” Scoffing at himself, he looked around as if an answer would pop into his view. “Not really… Why…?” He squinted at you.

“Hm. Still a loser I see. Glad to know you haven’t changed.” You teased. He only rolled his eyes, looking back down at his paper.

“You’re so annoying. Didn’t you get dumped like three times?”

“Unbelievable,” you watched him, rolling your eyes. “When you get a girlfriend you can talk shit.”

He smirked. “You’re not denying it.”

You glared at him. “I dumped them.”

“Right.” He looked back down at his notebook, trying to hold back a smile.

You glanced up at him again, taking in his features, the way his glasses slowly slid down his nose as he looked down, the way his bottom lip was caught between his teeth in concentration.

Before you knew it, he was looking up at you with a curious look. “…What?”

You blinked, hiding the flustered feeling you got from him catching you staring.

“You’re also not as incredibly nerdy looking as I remember.”

He can only glare at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But alas, he hoped it meant you were attracted to him. At least almost as much as he was to you.

“Nothing you just… Don’t look so bad after all this time.”

He quickly looked back down at his notebook, unsure of how to feel from the so called ‘compliment.’ Although his heart was pounding through his ribcage, he decided to tease.

“You think I’m cute?” He gave you a smolder.

“Oh hell no.” You scoffed at the stupid face he made.

“Maybe.”

Even if you had whispered that last part, he still heard it.

You had spent almost an hour working on your project before you heard your dad knock at your door. You had no time to answer before he opened it.

“Dinner’s ready.” He said, smirking at Dave. “Keep the door open.”

You rolled your eyes. “Dad, you know it’s not like that.”

Dave and your father had a very good relationship before you had stopped being friends. There were even times where your dad would go out of his way to invite Dave and his dad over for dinner. They even had their own inside jokes.

“Don’t worry, sir.” Dave shook his head, “I’m way out of her league.” He had a smug look on his face that made you want to shove him out of your house.

“Up top,” said your dad, holding his hand up as Dave stood up. You knew your dad loved you and was just teasing, but it still annoyed you.

“You guys suck.” You said, pushing past your dad and meeting your mom in the kitchen while they laughed.

If it was any other guy, like your last boyfriend, your dad would have beat his ass for saying something like that. But it was Dave, and Dave was like the son your dad never had.

“Love you, hun.” Your dad called after you but you didn’t reply.

You set the dinner table quickly, sitting down as your mom set the food down.

Your dad sat at the end of the table with your mom across from you, Dave’s usual spot had always been next to you and that didn’t change.

“Where have you been? We missed you, kid.” Said your dad, already digging in.

Dave gave you a look, wondering why you hadn’t told your parents your reason for not being friends.

“I dunno… Just been busy, I guess.” He said quietly.

“Why haven’t you come over?” Your mom asked.

Dave and you looked at each other for a second, “We just didn’t really talk much after freshman year ‘cause we didn’t have any classes together.” You told her, which wasn’t really a lie. You and Dave didn’t have any classes together freshman year.

“That’s sad,” she frowned, “you two were always inseparable.” She smiled at Dave fondly.

Dave only poked at his food, “Yeah,” he said, smiling to himself.

You had finished eating, everyone continuing to converse here and there with their on food still on their plates when you felt Dave’s knee touch your thigh. He didn’t pull away, and neither did you to see what he would do. He only kept talking to your parents, completely ignoring the fact his body was touching yours.

Of course he actually did realize this. In his head he had done it on purpose just to see how you’d react. You tried to stop thinking about it for the rest of dinner.

You weren’t mad or uncomfortable, of course it had happened before, but it felt different somehow. Familiar.

“So have you guys gone on any dates yet?” Asked your mother, out of nowhere.

You froze, staring at her. Dave choked on his drink, coughing over and over again, trying to catch his breath but he didn’t seem to tone it down. His face was red because of this. And other reasons.

“Sorry.” Your mom hid a smile, seeing Dave’s reaction gave her more than enough answers on his part.

She gave you a knowing look and you sent her a look of disgust.

"Gross." You said, repeating Dave's words from earlier that day. Dave finally cleared his throat of whatever he choked on and tried to back you up. His knee wasn't touching you anymore, you noticed.

"What she said," he pointed his thumb at you, voice hoarse.

"You've never even thought about getting together!?" Your mom looked surprised. At this, you couldn't help but do exactly that. What it would be like to go on a date with him, maybe getting a coffee at Atomic Comics, maybe watch the Avengers movie that was about to come out in theaters. What it would be like to hold hands at school, how surprised everyone would be since you guys seemed to hate each other so much. What Cleo would say, what Todd and Marty would say.

What you would have to tell Kick-Ass if he climbed into your window again.

'Hey I know I patched you up and stuff and kinda stopped you from bleeding out, and I know we kissed like three times but guess what?! I have a boyfriend and I can't talk to you anymore.'

And what it would be like to kiss Dave. If he would be any good at it, or if he still hasn't gotten laid because he's too much of a pussy to talk to girls. How it would feel if he had his hands all over you, his lips brushing yours, how it would feel if he was kissing your neck softly—

"You guys have much in common." Your dad smiled slyly at you two, snapping you out of your daydream.

Why had you let your mind wander that far?!

Dave stared at his food, his face an obvious red.

"Okay, that's a wrap..." You cleared your throat, pursing your lips. You excused yourself from the table, picking up your dish and Dave followed, “Thanks for the food,” Dave smiled at your mom as you took your dishes to the sink.

"Sorry about that," you spoke as you approached the top of the stairs.

"I—It's fine." He brushed it off, sitting down on your bed as you shut the door.

It was silent for a few moments as you scrolled through an article on your laptop, Dave reading from his drafts.

"Have you even had your first kiss yet?" You questioned out of the blue.

His eyes shot up, hesitating for a second before regaining his composure.

"Yeah. Sixth grade, remember?" He said proudly. "Have you?"

"Yes, dumbass. You know this." you scoffed.

"With who?"

"Remember Freddy? The brunet guy that called you a nerd in second grade and you never got over it? He was my first boyfriend."

"Lame." He rolled his eyes. "Smart-mouth like him I bet it was the best kiss you ever had." He shot.

"Wrong. Best kiss I ever had was with Kick-Ass." You crossed your arms sassily.

It was safe to say that Dave was flattered. "Oh really? You don't even know him though, so it doesn't really count."

"Maybe I don't know who he is, but I do know that he actually likes me. I just have to find out who he is. He’s probably hot or whatever…”

Dave blinked in awe. "He might not like you… He could just be using you. Why are you kissing random guys anyway? Are you really that desperate…?”

“No?! He just made it obvious, okay? And why are you getting all weird? Are you jealous…?”

“Me? Jealous of him? Fuck no, I’d rather be stitched up by a damn chimp than you with your terrible needle skills.”

You paused. “How did you know I needed to stitch him up…?”

He was able to answer before hesitating, “Cleo told us when you left for fourth period.”

“Fine whatever. Just piss off dude, at least I talk to the opposite sex.” You huffed.

He stared at you for a moment and you laughed at his expression, himself joining you soon after. A few moments later you noticed yourself looking at him too often. Like you were expecting him to say something.

“…What?” Dave slowly looked up at you from his notebook, noticing your lasting gaze.

“I—“ you thought for a moment, figuring out a way to explain yourself. Suddenly, you sat closer to him, pulling his glasses off his face before putting them on yourself.

“Holy shit, you’re blind.” You teased.

“Shut up.” He scoffed, “you’re exaggerating.”

You took a moment to look at him, noticing the big difference without his glasses. Dave watched you expectantly.

“You look weird with glasses.” A smirk threatened to creep up on his lips. You only scoffed.

“And here I was thinking you looked cuter without them.”

He blinked, losing his words and you began to notice a pink upon his face. He laughed nervously, swallowing whatever was in his throat as he looked away at his notebook, trying to pretend like he didn’t hear you.

You smiled, feeling a sudden urge to tease him in a flirty way. “Did you hear what I said?”

Dave looked back up at you. “What?”

“You should wear contacts. You have really pretty eyes.” You looked at his lips for a moment, licking your own, picturing yourself kissing Dave.

“Um… Thanks…” His heart rate began to quicken as he tried keeping his gaze on you, noticing how you looked at his lips. All of a sudden, he grew bold, looking at your lips too.

“What are you looking at?” He asked curiously.

You blinked and looked up at his eyes, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of your nose. “Nothing.”

“You know… I had a crush on you in eighth grade.” He whispered.

You laughed, “What?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I don’t know how my taste was that terrible at any point in my life.” He tutted.

“Fuck you.” You laughed softly. “You’re such an asshole, you know that?”

He held back a smile, tracing his eyes over your features.

The two of you stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until you felt yourself being pulled closer to him. He leaned towards you as well until his face was just a few inches from yours, his hand resting next to your leg to hold himself up.

Finally, he began closing the distance, trying to ease into it as if not to scare you. His lips barely made it to yours before you pulled away, removing his glasses from your face and placing them back on his with a smile.

“We should finish this…” You sighed.

His face was noticeably red again, especially from the embarrassment of you pulling away. He felt like an idiot, thinking you actually wanted to kiss him. He didn’t question you or anything, but he still wanted to understand why you’d lure him in like that only to rip it from his grasp.

"Oh fuck, it's already ten past nine," spoke Dave, putting his things away.

"I would say you could sleep over like you used to, but I don't want my parents saying shit like that ever again. Plus Kick-Ass could come over and I don’t want him to think I’m with a nerd or whatever.” You teased.

Giggling, he stood up with his bag in hand, you followed him to the front door.

"Thanks for having me," he smiled as he walked past your parents in the living room. He opened the door for you, stepping out after you.

"Thanks for studying with me... And dinner." He spoke softly, giving a small smile.

"Yeah..." You stood in front of him, admiring his features as he towered over you. He had a strong jaw, soft plump lips, a cute nose, perfect eyebrows (for a guy), and beautiful blue eyes behind his glasses. His curls fell over his forehead—were you looking at him too long? You felt like a creep for just staring at him for what felt like hours. You knew it had to be weird. But what you didn't know was that he was admiring you too.

He was standing so close, close enough for you to right hook him. You looked at his eyes 'til you caught him glancing at your lips. He wanted to kiss you again, like he did yesterday, but he knew he couldn't. Not as himself, at least.

For some strange reason you moved closer to him, not knowing why or what your motive was.

"See you Monday." He took a step back, pursing his lips with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"We—You can come over tomorrow if you want...?" You tried, but to do what? Why did you want him back here again so soon?

"Uh—I have stuff this weekend... But I'll text you if any plans change..." He slowly walked backwards onto the sidewalk. He felt bad for lying again. He couldn't keep this up much longer.

———————

SLOW BURN MUTHAFUCKAS 🗣️🔥🔥

TAGS BC YOU ASKED!! @iliterallydontexistlol @esmestarz @pernandofalonso @lizzxoxo @real-sharena-h @iheartdilfs01 @friendlyneighborhoodhottie @popejar

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

I make four Milf Models on the list (and a Fifth on in Shiranui) and then I go and find Six more 'Mature' Gems! Dammit...

Anyways let me introduce the Six new candidates.

1.) Cattleya (Queen's Blade)

Not gonna like, I know noithing besides that she has huge tits, glasses and is a blacksmith with hella muscle... That is more then enough! I would make her son and Jaune friends, and Cattleya is the only woman the Arc trust to forge their weapons and upkeep them. Her son Rana is one of the only people Jaune trust around his sisters.

2.) Kie Kamado (Demon Slayer)

So truth be told, I have not watched Demon Slayer... And this woman and her four dead kids are why! Like THE FUQ!? Jesus man this crap broke my heart, I... I just moved right along to happy anime cuz that shit makes me sad as fuck... So yeah they would live in Ansel, and she would be Juniper's best friend and one of the very few women he can understand the sheer difficulties of raising a small team of children. But worst, because she has to do it alone... Then Grimm attack, and while everyone else is trying to protect their own. Little Jaune rushes to help his best friend Tanjiro and his siblings! Auraless and with only his families sword in hand that he can barely wield the two boys actually manage to kill a Beowulf and proceed to get them to the safety of the Arc House.

3.) Shizu Shinazugawa (Demon Slayer)

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!!! Seriously this woman somehow had a worst death then Kie! SHE ATE HER KIDS!!! WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL!!! OH! AND LETS NOT FORGET THAT SHE WAS GETTEN BEATEN BY HER HUSBAND!!! God Dammit, at this point I'm starting to think it's a good thing pig boy was raised by boars. If his mom had been with him instead of abandoning him in thew woods (I assume) she'd probably be dead too! Much less lightening whiney bitch I swear don't give him a tragic backstory too! I do not want to like him... As for shizu, Imma play the Cardin card, and say the two older brothers are bullies in Ansel. Lashing out at others because of their abusive father and of course Jaune is a very ripe target, the envy of the pair because of his kind strong father. Jaune is mad, but after talking to his sisters he decides to invite the boys over to dinner, and try to be friends, after all like his mom says, friends are just strangers you haven't met yet. And besides... Their like him and Tanjiro, he heard they have a lot of siblings too. They should make a club together! It is as little Jaune is having these thoughts that he stumbles upon it... then father beating them, them and their poor mom! And much like with the Ursa Jaune rushes in. And gets beaten within a inch of his life, but doesn't stop, grabbing forks, spoons anything he can get his hands on... Telling them to run, to get his dad. Papa Arc does come forward and what he finds is his son, bloody, beaten barely able to stand, but standing he is, and protecting the poor lady with a broken leg from her evil husband... And then the man is gone, his head taken, the Arc Patriarch not hesitating for even a second.

4.) Ruka Rengoku (Demon Slayer)

'It is the obligation of those born strong to defend the weak. Don't ever forget that..'

That Fucking Line! That Fucking Line Right There Makes Her Hotter Then The Other Two! Oh and what do you know, another piece of shit husband!

Okay, so I get he only turned piece of shit cuz she died bu-NO! You Know what, Fuck that Your Son Died Cuz You Couldn't Step Up And Live Up To Your Wives Words! Fuck You!!! That Drunk Bastard Insulted her memory and made her have to suffer meeting her son FAR TOO EARLY!!!

There is no way this woman doesn't hate her husband from beyond the grave! So here what would happen, Shinjuro would snap earlier then like when his wife is first diagnosed with the disease. At first he tries to stay strong but then begins to drink, then gets pissed when told nothing can be done!

And then in his denial he tries to force them to leave to Atlas, to hopefully find a cure or way to treat her... But Ruka refuses, Ansel needs them, negativity has been on the rise and Grimm have shown up more often. So he begins to drink and rant, and rave and Ruka watches her husband betray both himself and her faith in him.

And then he leaves, taking her with him one night, in desperation kidnapping his own wife against her will, her body far too weak to resist to take her to Atlas forcibly if needed. He uses a favor Papa and Mama Arc owe him to watch his kids while he's gone (Lying and saying he convinced Ruka)

And it is as he was gone that Ansel was attacked, his sons forced to fight, children like them, Jaune, little Tanjiro and the Shinazugawa brothers barely managing to take his place, but not without injury.

When he returns, he isn't met with scorn, nor blame... Not from anyone, except his wife! Ruka will not forgive him, and would rather die alone then married to him... He leaves, bitter angry but knowing she was right. And it was as this was happening that her son brings Jaune to her, the boy noticing several cuts and bruises she'd received from her forceful travels... He reaches out, and uses the power he discovered while the held off the Grimm.

The power that let mere kids like them fight and barely make up the difference her Ex-Husbands absence... His Semblance, Aura Amplification, every doctor had told her her disease wasn't treatable because her body simply lacked the strength to fight it, her immune system was too too compromised and her body too fragile by that point to maintain.

But Jaune's power, it's strength was one of a nature to empower others, to share with them his strength, his vigor, his will and soul, and Jaune wouldn't stop sharing his strength until it was enough to save her!

It was the logic of a simply youth, if he could kill monsters as big as Grimm, he refused to let small ones so tiny and weak take one of his friends moms! The same woman who told him he could be a huntsman! No! That said it was his duty to be one! Well What Kinda Huntsman Couldn't Save a mother!

5.) Rinko Iori (Gundam... Apparently -///-)

I...I did not know she was from a anime... I firmly thought she was a hentai mom... But no, apparently she is from Gundam. Well, I think I've said enough and these pictures hopefully speak for themselves...

I'd say she is a Argus mom, and helped Saphron and Terra navigate raising their first kid.

6.) Mirelia Q Melromarc

She Is A Queen! (Literally!) but no... Like seriously she is best girl, she showed up and everything, oh everything just turned pure euphoria for me. And God Damn She hated her husband! I wish they went more in on how thoroughly pissed she was in the anime like they did in the light novel.

Seriously a fucked up daughter and husband... just... Fuck man, and seriously FUCK BITCH For What She did! (If you read the Web Novel you know what I'm talking about) And fuck Trash too! Y'know it was so he could have a redemption Arc.

Fuck that, as far as I'm concerned those two need death like I need air. Naofumi is her (Only) daughter's fiancée. Which means she's in need of a new consort, a noble, strong, kind one who has a sharp wit.

[welcometoneverland-98]

Fire of Venus // 𖥸 Chapter 4 𖥸

#Anna’s POV#

My body kept shivering the whole ride to the colosseum. 

It had been days since the feast and this was to be the first day of my new so called job. I was to tell stories and cheer up the men that were due to fight in the deadly arena. I had never even been here before and now as I got closer my whole body started to shiver at the sheer size of the building in front of me. It was colossal. Marble covered statues adorned the walls and I could only imagine how long and how many men it must’ve taken to build such a thing. 

Emperor Geta had offered to join me, he had, surprisingly been very kind to me these last days. Something I was really not expecting from one of the current emperors of Rome was kindness, and there I was, getting it. He has commanded his men to come with me today and that’s how I found myself surrounded by many tall and armed men as I was being ushered to the back ends of the colosseum. 

My own favourite stories seemed to be coming to life as I stepped foot inside the area barely anyone saw. The people came here for a show, they sat or stood outside, never reminding themselves to look in for the people that were waiting what could be their final judgment. Caracalla called them animals; animals that were filled with rage and ready to strike. Most of them had been taken from their homes and had lost so much, at least that’s what Lucilla would tell me in her stories. They surely blamed Rome for their downfall and waited triumph and freedom that could only be granted in the arena. 

I clenched my fist as we approached the bronze gates and held my hooded tunic closer to my skin. I could not show fear. I had a feeling they would be able to smell it and take advantage of it. But as I looked at the guards I had been granted the company of I couldn’t help but notice that any rage filled men would be capable of strike them all dead and get to their shiny new toy. That’s what I had to make myself not seen as. A toy. I was to be their beacon of hope. Their friend if I was ever so lucky. 

“You’ll stand in the middle of us” one of the emperors’ men spoke as I nodded my head. 

They walked first and the first thing I noticed was the smell. 

It smelled of dirt and sweat and what I could only imagine to be blood. There was loud chatter and I could soon hear it die down the more we walked forward. They had noticed the new intrusion on their space and were clearly curious. 

Some of them stood up from the table were they had been sat eating, other kept their food in their mouth as they looked at the men and then at me. Some curious, others uninterested. 

The guards called out to them loudly and told me all to scatter around us which some did, but others chose to ignore their orders and kept doing whatever it was they were doing before. 

“What is this? Some kind of gift from the emperors?” One laughed out loud as he looked me up and down “are you being remembered now?”

Others took turns in making their own jokes and statements about what my purpose there could be. Some made foul insinuations, the ones I had honestly been expecting to hear the moment the idea of coming here had been presented, but there were those who stood still most of the time. 

There was one who caught my eye. I had been told about him before coming in, if I was not mistaken, he was a doctor now and spent most of his time working on the injured gladiators so they could put on their best show. He was one of those who stood still, his eyes never leaving his plate as he ate in silence and it was him who finally broke the commotion once the insunations started getting too loud. 

“She is here to tell us stories” the doctor said as he wiped his lips with a piece of fabric that he had in his pocked “isn’t that right miss?”

I found myself nodding my head, almost forgetting for a moment how Geta told me that the doctor would know. 

“I’m here to tell you stories” I found my own voice as I finally looked around the men “they will not bring you glory or even the honor you seek. They will not help you find revenge either if that’s what you need but maybe, if the gods grant me that favor, it can help sooth you if needed be. Maybe it can even bring smiles to your faces from time to time. I believe we could all use a little bit of that”

There was silence. 

And then slowly, the men started sitting down and I knew then that it was time to begin. 

[nerdieforpedro]

His Favorite Place to Be

Summary: Halsin goes to Tav’s tent thinking that she’s sick. It turns out Tav is but not from anything physical.

Warnings: Comfort, Astarion being a bit of an ass, mild alcohol use, some transformation magic - he’d a Druid, morning wood, oral sex (male and female receiving), unprotected P in V, outdoor sex, fluff

Word Count: about 2.4k

Notes: My first Baldur’s Gate fic here. 👀 I wrote it about Halsin surprisingly but that seven foot Druid deserves it and so do we. 🤭 Let me know what you all think in some comments or reblogs. 🥰

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Main Masterlist - Baldur’s Gate 3 Masterlist - AO3 Link

Having a Druid in the party was a good thing, it helped out with healing and potion making. Turning into all those animals was an added bonus as they were as dangerous as they were cuddly.

It’s one such night that the Druid Halsin decided to transform into a wolf and crawl into Tav tent. He swears it’s because he heard her sniffling and maybe she needed some herbs to calm herself. He understands why she would be distressed, having one of those insidious tadpoles in your head can make you feel hopeless. Initially the party had come to him hoping the lead Druid would be able to help them. Their party did save him from the Goblin Camp afterall.

Much of the camp was still in celebration and it seemed Tav had moved her tent away from the bustle to the edges of their safe camp. When Halsin entered her tent he saw her with a bottle of wine, none of her usual camp attire, just in a simple sleeping gown. It was thin and appeared worn, Halsin knew that if Tav still had her wits about her, she would have shooed him out or covered herself as he had full view of her thick legs in the candlelight. They appeared to be perfect pillows along with her soft belly that was always hidden underneath armor and breasts with her nipples visible through the sheer fabric.

She gives him a smile that’s too wide and betrays her intoxication level. As much as he would like to explore her, now would not be a good time. Halsin wants Tav to say she wants him, but he knows her heart belongs to another who only pays her the same attention as the other members of their odd group. “You can’t sleep well, can you? Tonight’s a celebration. You should go out and visit with more of the people.” She shakes her head and sets the bottle down.

“No, that isn’t necessary. I did my rounds and one person I wanted to drink with told me that ‘he has standards.’ So I washed up and came here. I wanted to be alone.” The sorrow in her voice draws anger within Halsin, how could that damn pale elf say that to her? He’s an utter fool. Her eyes are wet from tears. “I think as much as he makes fun of our wizard, he wants a taste of him.” A bitter laugh leaves her lips as she reaches a hand out to stroke the white fut of Halsin’s coat. “So fluffy. I didn’t expect a wolf. Maybe an owlbear or a cat.”

Halsin whines from her touch, primed to transform again into what she would want but she shakes her head. “Stay like this if you like. It’s clear you’re comfortable. You’re kind Halsin, thanks for checking in on me. I didn’t finish the bottle. I don’t think I ate enough beforehand so my stomach got a bit sour.” In patting her belly, Tav looks down and realizes the state of her nightgown, her eyes widen and Halsin returns to his natural form. His large hands gently grab each one of her shoulders.

“Do not fret. Though I feel blessed to see your current state, I will bid you goodnight my dear.” His hands drop but Tav reaches for them. Halsin is unsure of what she wants but he just sits with her for a time.

“It would be in poor form to ask you to stay, but I don’t want you to go. Please stay Halsin. At least until I fall asleep.” Her eyes are pleasing with him to do so and he nods wordlessly. She lays down first and he lays next to her, cradling her in his arms. Her quiet sniffles begin again. “Thank you Halsin. I just…”

“It is a privilege to provide comfort to you. Just focus on breathing. Rest.” Tav finds his voice soothing and she’s soon off to sleep. Halsin dozed off too except when he stirred, feeling a presence outside of Tav’s tent. Astarion was outside and peering in, he let out a snort and nodded as Halsin looked over his shoulder ‘you’re better for her anyway. I already made her cry. I have a date with a mysterious wizard.’ And he was gone as fast as he came.

The sunlight is peeking over the horizon as Tav awakens in Halsin’s arms though she doesn’t recall this position: her on top of him. She’s spread out, he head is on his chest and one of her legs is at both of his sides. In moving, her core which was bare as she normally slept without underwear. It was rubbing against Halsin’s pelvis. It seemed that even druids have morning wood. The gasp she released woke him from his slumber and his first act in his drowsy state was to let his hand that had been on her back to slide down, landing on her thigh. His other hand did the same and he squeezed. “Oak Father, you bless me with such bounty this day…” His prayer leads to the wood elf massaging Tav’s thighs and grinding his hips upward. “Silvanus be praised, I’ve only imagined such downy flesh in my hand…” A moan escapes from Tav and he realizes that he’s not still in his dream, but he’s touching Tav in reality. “Sweet one I…”

“You’ve imagined touching me? Like this Halsin?” A quiet nod followed by a gulp makes Tav peck his lips. “It’s alright to touch me more. Please.” Halsin sits up so Tav is in his lap and raises some bones to left her up momentarily while he removes his clothes. He sits before her naked, his thick cock weeping from his own imagination.

“A request I am more than ready to oblige. If you’ll allow me.” Halsin grins, he moves his vines to encase the tent, muffling the sound from within. Laying Tav down after removing her nightgown, his vines hold her hands up above her head as he palms meet her breasts, kneading them while Tav moans his name. Halsin lets his heavy dick rest on her inner thigh while he pinches her nipples, feeling them harden. “Such a perfect gift for me. I am yours. Use me as you see fit.” Moving down from her breasts, his fingers trailing alone her belly, feeling its soft jiggle.

“Kiss me and release my hands Halsin.” As he was commanded, the vines sink back into the earth and his lips crash with hers. Tav’s hands are frantic, tracing every scar she can feel on his back and scratching it to make a few of her own. The tip of his cock grazes her clit and her body shudders as they continue to kiss. He ensures to rotate his hips lightly to make her body jerk again. When they finally part, Tav makes her last request. “Enter me Halsin. Fill me.”

“With the utmost pleasure.” Halsin scoots back to take stock of Tav’s core. Glistening, but not quite enough for his longing. It appears he had a meal before him. His face lowered to her hips when she grab a hand full of his hair. “My dear, you’re not wet enough and I am a lot to take in.” Having seen his dick, Tav knew that he was correct. She was nervous about him being down there because no one else has. It was an odd sensation at first, his tongue was nearly as slick as her, but she felt it elongate. Tav wasn’t aware that Halsin would transform parts of his body, she thought it was all of nothing. With her thighs closing around his head, what began as a curious feeling quickly turned pleasurable, to the point where she was tugging at his hair to try and ease the pressure that was building, it felt like she might pee but Halsin proved to have a powerful tongue as his face was drenched along with a third of Tav’s bedroll.

“It…I…what happened…? Your face Halsin.” Tav looked horrified but the wood elf chuckled as he crawled up her body to kiss her.

“Taste yourself, how delicious you are. I do believe you squirted my dear.” Tav’s face felt hot as did the rest of her body, that had never happened with penetration let alone with oral. She hadn’t even had the latter before. What in the world would his cock feel like? Lining himself up with Tav’s dripping hole, Halsin slowly entered, watching her face for any discomfort, he stopped halfway in. His fingers brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. “How does half of me feel? Can I go further?” Tav felt so full that she latched her hands onto Halsin’s forearms that were holding her hips still.

The stretch was incredible, and the burning sensation gave way to her wall trying to close in on his shaft. “M-More. All the way, then stay still.” Halsin eased his way further in, stopping when his hips were finally flush with Tav’s. He looked to see her mouth agape and felt her nails digging into the skin on his forearms. He left himself warm within her. He didn’t need to rush, everyone was likely hungover from the night before. He could remain within her for a while yet. His cock throbbed from wanting friction, to be choked by her moist cavern. “Halsin…” Tav began, her voice weak and out of breath, “M-Move…make me do that…squirt again.” Withdrawing until he nearly pulled out completely, Halsin gave Tav slow deliberate strokes, ensuring that her cunt would remember him and the stretch he’d given it.

“Ah!! Gods be…Halsin!” Tav cries out his name while his strokes start to increase in speed. The throbbing in his cock has intensified and he wants her to climax again before he releases inside of her. Halsin leans down and kisses between Tav’s breasts, releasing her hip on one side to roll his finger in a circle around her clit.

“You’re beginning to flutter but are still gripping my dick so tightly. Such a glorious woman you are. You’ll drip from your superb cunt for days.” He took the one hand he still has on her hip and brought her leg over his shoulder, changing the angle at which he was rutting into her. Tav was unable to for full sentences while she felt the same pressure building from before. It was even more intense from both his cock and her clit.

“Have…me..fuck! Drip..! Don’t waste any, Ah! H-Halsin!” Tav was growling and drooling, unable to close her mouth from moaning. The same mighty force had her essence coat Halsin’s cock, balls, happy trail, both of their thighs and more of her bedroll was soaked. Halsin groaned with Tav’s name on his lips as he shot into her, ropes of his seed coating her walls. The pulsations were many and lessened until he felt himself go limp within her. He didn’t pull out yet. He wanted to stay within Tav. Have his cum remain within her as long as possible.

“Let us lay here for a spell. The others will not wake until late in the day. I want to have you for as long as I can.” Halsin kisses Tav’s neck as she cups his cheeks before pulling him to her lips.

“Yes we should. There’s nowhere else I want to be. Stay with me and in me, we’ll wash later.” The pair chuckle and fall back asleep. In waking later, they both go to a river in the woods to wash up and use the excuse that most people were already using the one near camp. However there may have been another motive.

Tav is naked and crouched down in front of Halsin, licking the shaft of his dick. She took come of his cum that had leaked out of her and smeared it on his cock and balls stating that both needed to be cleaned. She had started with his balls, sucking on each individually while tracing her finger around the head of Halsin’s cock. Hearing his groans had her dripping once more, and once she accepted his cock into her mouth, she placed a hand on each of his muscular thighs and bobbed her head, taking his cock as deep as she could. The Druid soon pulled her off of his cock and pushed Tav against a nearby tree, her ass facing him as he gave it a light slap and she yelped. “Princess of mine, I want your cunt to milk me again. I will save your throat for later today. I need to fill you again. Watching you play with our combined spends,” Halsin takes his erect dick in his hand and slides it within Tav, easier than the previous time. “Such an obedient flower, she sucks me in just like her owner.”

This time, he doesn’t bother with starting out slow, his pace is steady but the slaps of his hips with hers makes Tav’s cunt drip down her thighs and into the ground. She looks back at Halsin who meets her gaze and pulls her by her chest to kiss her. His thrusts slow while they kiss, their tongues sloppily meeting and tangling with each other. Lifting one Tav’s legs, Halsin breaks their kiss and rolls his hips faster, licking the back of Tav’s neck as his hand seeks out her sensitive nub, once found he pinches it and Tav climaxes while he’s still building to his own peak. It’s not long after that he fills her again, support Tav as her body becomes limp for a short period. He doesn’t remove himself and instead sits on a nearby rock and pulls her into his lap, letting her cunt keep hold of his flaccid cock. Remaining within her is something he could do daily, several times a day and he would pray to Silvanus that he can. Tav grinds her hips slowly, lengthening the last of her orgasm.

“We have to actually wash up now and get back to camp Halsin.” Tav states and goes to stand but her legs are still wobbly. He supports her, kissing shoulder before wrapping his arms around her.

“Just a little bit longer love. This is my favorite place to be.”

Peeps who might want some wood elf comfort 💚: @perotovar @megamindsecretlair @pink-petal-lover @selene-themoon @max--phillips @theshotsheardacrossworlds @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings

(I tagged people who interacted with my Baldur’s Gate posts. Let me know if you want to be removed or stay. 🤭)

[weldingmetal]

How do you think cybertronians would react to our mouths? The fact that the mouth can easily bite and rip off your or someone else's pinky finger with such ease, almost like biting into a carrot. The brain only stops you from doing so.

So like I think in this scenario it’s not the fact that they have mouths that freaked them out, it’s the fact of what they do with said mouths as well as teeth.

Unlike Cybertronians human eat and chew where they mostly drink. Humans teeth are made to tear into flesh. Just predicons had sharp teeth to eat living mechanisms we have canines to eat meat.

Although that isn’t to say that bots teeth can’t be sharp. I believe if they ate non refined energon in its crystal form their denta would get sharp. I mean look a TFP Megatron. We know that he loved his space crack- I mean dark energon. So I wouldn’t doubt that centuries of eating the stuff would make his mouth look like a piranha.

But sharp teeth/denta for bots isn’t normal.

I can imagine how visceral it would be for a bot to watch a human or animal tear into meat or eat and chew things that should be to hard for soft organics.

So imagine a bot’s reaction to a humans mouth and teeth at work.

Here is a blurb of a possible reaction.

________________________________________

Bulkhead tired to think of a way out of this.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. It was supposed to be practically nothing. Now he’s tied up, can’t move or sever his binds, and he still doesn’t know where Miko went.

He let her wonder off and now who knows where she-

“Bulkhead!”

As if Primus himself heard him he heard his charges voice.

“Bulkhead where are you we have to-“

She turned the corner to find Bulkhead. Tied up in some kind of cable.

“I’m sorry Miko, I was ambushed. I would get us the frag out of here but…I’m a little tied up.”

He says looking down at his binds. Miko runs up to him.

“You gotta try Bulk, the decepticons were after me back there. I lost them but they could come any second!”

“I wish I could Miko. But there are to many loops in my binds around me to break free. I would be able to if I could break just a few of them, maybe if you can find somethi-!”

Then deep in the cave stomping peds could be heard. Miko was full on panicking. She ran up to her bot. Her friend. She tugged and tugged. She knew everything would be okay if she could just break a few.

“It’s no use Miko! I’ll be fine you need to go! Please Miko, run and hide!”

Miko looked up at the bot, her bot, in fear. She looked towards the impending doom before back to Bulkhead and his pleading look.

Something in her snapped.

Her face lit up in anger and she screamed-

“NO!”

She bit down on the cable, electric sparks lighting up around the corners of her mouth as she tugged and bit and thrashed her head back and forth like a wild animal until the cable broke.

She went for another

*crunch zzzt snap*

“I’m.”

*crunch zzzt snap*

“Not.”

*crunch zzzt snap”

”Leaving you.”

*crunch zzzt snap*

“Behind!”

Bulkhead with all his might flexed and pulled and stood and broke his binds just as the vehicons rounded the corner. He picked Miko up and dashed out of the cave dodging blasts aimed at him.

He looked down at Miko and gasped. The corners of her mouth were burned and bloodied. Her jaw was snapping and seizing no doubt from the electric current she continued to bite…for his sake.

As he left the cave and was able to get a signal to comlink and ask for a ground bridge he was wracked with heavy and thick guilt.

He was supposed to be the strong one. He stopped thinking when he heard Miko groan and speak.

“G-guess I s-saved you this time h-huh Bulkhead?”

Bulkhead thought he would cry, in fact he was almost certain he was tearing up. Despite everything Miko, his sparkling charge was still smiling.

As he ran into base he yelled for Ratchet, to do something anything to help Miko.

June and eventually Fowler was called. June bandaged Miko’s mouth and said that she probably won’t have any lasting scars and if she did they would fade.

After the kids were sent home the bots rightfully demanded to know what happened.

Bulkhead explained everything, even the way Miko seemed to go feral.

After that bots went to bed with deep unease in their tanks.

How could something so small have a bite that hard, and still undoubtedly be sentient.

Bulkhead didn’t recharge that night.

Who could blame him with the image of mostly innocent Miko desperately and frantically tore into the cable like a feral animal. All because he wasn’t strong enough.

[nightlyrequiem]

Latrodectus

I. To Be Human

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

AO3

Latrodectus Mactans, otherwise known as the Black Widow, are known for their uncouth treatment of their partners. The 'widow' part of their name stemming from the common occurrence of the female devouring her partner after mating.

Tags/Warnings: Abduction, Violence, Emotional Manipulation, harassment, A Dabble of Psychological Torture, Drugging, Breaking And Entering, Fem!reader

================================================

There is something wrong with Valeria Garza. Something deep inside of her that went unchecked during adolescence and festered into something rotten. While the other children played manhunt in the woods behind the school, Valeria was pulling apart the carcasses of stray animals. Feeding that part of her that desired to know what went on in the inside of a body. A vulture in her own right. She was born without something her peers had, and that set up the perfect breeding ground for resentment. She didn't quite yet understand what it was that made her so different. Or why it, in the eyes of the other children, meant she was undeserving of companionship.

Rarely did Valeria crave the attention or approval of another. Even with her missing pieces Valeria knew she was simply better than the others. It aggravated her to no end that nobody else seemed to understand that. There are, however, four people that Valeria... fixated on. Marie Sanchez lived only five houses down from her. Little Valeria would follow her around the playground. Making vain attempt after vain attempt to gain her affection and friendship. That flame slowly fizzled out once they reached high school and Valeria's idolization of Marie turned into contempt.  

Her puppy love for Marie grew into a rabid, out of control dog that needed to be put down. And put it down she did. If Marie wouldn't be happy with Valeria, then she didn't deserve to be happy at all. Valeria would take any chance she could get to terrorize Marie. Cruel words and rumours whispered from pink painted lips spread around the small school. Valeria's torment didn't end with verbal abuse. She was having a particularly foul week and Marie's existence only agitated her more. Valeria dragged her into the girl's bathroom and whaled on her. Shattering her cheekbone and breaking her nose. She only spent four months in juvie before being released on good behavior.

There are no certain qualities that draw her to a person. She's not sure what it was about you that reeled her in. Perhaps it was the fact that the first time she ever saw you, you were sobbing. The sound being the most beautiful melody to have graced her ears. Her curiosity was sparked, and she kept tabs on you from then on. Checking up on you for her own entertainment. Her passive interest swiftly evolved into an obsessive need. The thought of you affected her so badly that it made her unwell. She got her hands on every bit of information that she could. Past and present social media accounts. Who your friends were, and who you dated. She saved pictures of you and took some of her own. She absorbed whatever she could into her very bloodstream to be a part of your life.

Pictures and information were never enough. She needed to cut you open and carve room for herself behind your ribs. Remove your lungs so she could take every breath for you. Valeria is a busy woman, unfortunately. Leading a drug empire takes up most of her time and as much as she'd like to, she couldn't spend every hour watching you. There are always workarounds to every problem though, and she's nothing if not a problem solver. When she wasn't able to, she'd send someone in her inner circle to tail you. Take note of everything you do. Where you shopped, where you went. What you ate. Who you spoke to.

In her clean, tidy kitchen she carefully slices through a bright red tomato. Off to the side waiting on a plastic plate is a piece of whole grain bread. Fresh lettuce and bits of turkey arranged carefully on top. She grabs the tomato slices and adds them to the mix then places another piece of bread to complete the sandwich. She cleans up. Putting away the rest of the ingredients for later, washing the cutting board, and wiping down the marble counters. She grabs the plate and makes her way through her home. The floor to ceiling windows shows off the scenic view of the mountains in the distance. The sun is setting behind them, giving the tops a halo-like glow and casting golden beams into her home.

The dark wood floors are polished and clean. Swept and vacuumed every day. She continues down the hall towards the stairs leading to the basement. Admiring the few paintings decorating the ivory coloured walls. Some portraying lush, almost fantastical fields of grass and heather and others with more religious tones. She stops at the basement door and fishes through her pocket for the new key. She had recently installed locks on the door. She unlocks it and switches on the light before descending down. She had the space renovated and took some inspiration from Diego's dwelling. Jutting stones make up the walls with sconces to provide a warm yellow glow. Open doorways branch off into other rooms not yet furnished.

She calmly walks down to the end of the hall and stops in front of a different door. She reaches up to feel along the top of the doorframe. Her fingers lightly brush against a small silver key and she grabs it, pulling it down. She unlocks the door and opens it, just barely catching sight of you crouching in the corner like a scared animal, your chain lightly rustling from the sudden movement. The room is mostly bare. A mattress and a toilet are all she has allowed. For her, and of course your safety as well. The chain connecting to a metal collar around your throat is long enough for you to be able to come close to the door and light switch but not further. She made sure the other end was securely bolted to the wall.

She steps inside and gives you a soft smile, even if your continued fearful behavior is starting to grate against her nerves. You don't return her smile, but Valeria knows you will someday. You'll understand that she's doing this because she loves you. She walks up to your bed - a thick double mattress - and sets the plate down. She turns her head to look at you once more. Just the sight of you is enough to make her feel agitated. Like she has to hurt someone to compensate for the feelings that are too big for her body. Your brows are furrowed, and your lips are downturned into a distressed little frown. Despite the fact that she's the reason for your unhappy expression she finds the sight cute.

When Valeria was thirteen, she spent some time around a man who ran an unlicensed animal shelter. He'd collect stray dogs and cats, and sometimes take pets from yards and demand a fee for their return. If their owners couldn't or wouldn't cough up the money, he'd simply... put them down. He taught her a few useful things regarding animals. They'll be scared of you at first. You just have to be patient with dealing with them. Feed them often, meet their basic needs, and they'll begin to warm up to you. Valeria believes this method can be used on people. You don't even look that different to the starving cats that used to hiss at her from the man's metal cages.

She settles down on the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight. 

"Today was a long day," She begins. She feels a rush of satisfaction at being able to talk to you. "There was some trouble by the border, I won't bore you with the details, but a little gang was making itself a thorn in my side." She runs a hand through her hair. The bodies of the leader and his enforcers are lying at the bottom of a lake by now. Providing nutrients for an aquatic ecosystem. "I took care of it, of course." She says proudly. She wishes you'd share her pride. That even if you don't understand the intricacies of running a cartel, you'd sidle up to her with stars in your eyes and awe on your face. You should be telling her what a good job she's doing. Instead, you crouch there silently, uninterested and unimpressed.

She wants to stay. To talk to you more but she knows she should probably leave before she gets too overwhelmed. She just adores you so much. So much so that you have infected her. Not even in her dreams can she escape you. A part of her hates you for it. Her mood is more volatile than usual since she met you, and she loses her appetite if she thinks about you too for too long. The only solution is to obtain and keep you.

"Valeria." You say softly. Almost so softly that your voice is lost the stone walls of your enclosure. Valeria hears you though. Valeria will always hear you. Her heart leaps when you say her name.

"Mhm?" She replies. Looking at you intensely. Pupils blown wide. 

"Can... can you please take the collar off?" You ask tentatively. Your voice lowered to an unoffensive volume. Valeria narrows her eyes at you. She's obsessive and certainly 'not all there' by a doctor's standards, but she isn't stupid.

"No." She answers bluntly. You're speaking to her instead of screaming at her which is progress as far as she's concerned.

However, she knows you are nowhere near ready to be freed from the cellar, let alone your collar. Even when you are ready, she'll be sorry to see it go. She takes a perverse reassurance at the sight of you in it. It reminds her that she has you. You seem to mull over your words before speaking.

"It's just the collar... is rubbing against my skin and it's starting to chafe," You murmur. Valeria leans closer to hear you better. Her answer will remain the same, but she will let you finish speaking. "Taking it off for a little bit wouldn't be so bad." Your eyes are wide and glossy.

"I'm not taking the collar off." Valeria says firmly. You look like you're about to continue to try and convince her but something on Valeria's face must dissuade you.

Just like that, your wounded-puppy expression vanishes. Replaced with the dark, brooding look she's more familiar with. Valeria pushes up off the bed and stares down you with half-lidded eyes. She loves you so much. 

"Make sure to eat that." She tells you. Gesturing at the sandwich. "If you throw it at the wall again you won't eat for the next week." She turns and leaves the room. Locking the door behind her. You are her most valuable possession and she's keeping you safe, sound, and accessible. 

[cheriladycl01]

Quirk #4

Here is my fourth quirk idea! Feel free to use this in your fanfics (just give me credit if you directly got it from me) obviously I know however I’m not the only creative person in the world and that some people may have also had these ideas before me!

Quirk: Manifestation of Illustration

This quirk could work two ways.

Number 1 where’d she’d be similar to Tamaki where the illustrations on her body can manifest onto her. So if she had a tiger tattoo she can get tiger ability’s or turn into one.

Number 2 would be that she can bring to life ‘manifest’ anything drawn by her or on her. So it would kind of work like Megumi from Jujitsu Kaisen Demon Dogs do, mixed with Momo’s creation abilities. She has dogs tattooed on her. She can send them out as scouts. She has a dagger drawn on her, she can make it into a real dagger to use etc.

Or both if you want her OP (one can be like a quirk awakening later down the book?)

This entails:

- Objects Creation

- Object Morphing

- Animal Characteristics etc

Weaknesses

- Can only use a certain amount of ink at one time. The ink is kind of like blood to her if she looses too much ink, she will faint or pass out.

- If a tattoo is destroyed, like a dagger is snapped or a deck of cards is burned she will feel that in her body.

- If an object manifested gets lost on the real world she can’t ever tattoo over it again or use that object again.

- She can’t use it like Tamakis quirk where he can choose which bit of his body changes into what he ate. For girlie it’s all or nothing so she either turns fully into the animal tattooed on herself or she can only use their characteristics (echolocation from a dolphin, strength from a dung beetle etc)

- if she doesn’t have it tattooed she has to spend time drawing it on paper, and when she’s rushing her artistic skills can falter (she’s learned this from traumatising experiences)

Strengths

- As long as she has a tattoo of it she can pretty much manifest anything into existence. (Her classmates or prohero friends would joke about ‘useless tattoos’ until they find out it’s something they need)

- Because of the ease when it comes to drawing weapons she trained to learn how to not solely rely on her quirk, so she’s actually able to use the weapons effectively that she draws.

- very powerful quirk, top 5 hero kinda powerful.

Hero Name:

The Embodiment Hero: Bodice

Zodiac: Leo

Ethnic Background: French / Japanese

Height: 5ft 8

Weight: 134ibs

Style: Tomboy

Physical Traits: Lots of tattoos everywhere and they get more random the more you look.

Mannerisms: She rolls her eyes all the time, you compliment her, expect and eye roll, you tell her you’ve just killed five citizens and her cousin was one of them, expect an eye roll, her food comes out wrong at a restaurant, expect and eye roll.

Favourite:

Food: Coq au Vin

Drink: Champagne

Colour: Grey

Weather: Snow

Possession: Dagger

Morning Routine:

She has two diaries, one where she’ll draw out how she thinks and expects her day to go and then another one where it’s how it actually went.

Hobbies:

Painting and Hikes

Special Skills:

Drawing duh!

Pet Peeves:

Chatty Strangers

Bad At:

Opening up to people, bit of a closed book!

Biggest Fear:

Her ability to draw one day going, or not enjoying it anymore.

Greatest Flaw:

She’s a massive smoker!

Goals:

To eradicate the need for a hero society (ie no large scale villains means no need for hero’s)

Who I see them with:

Guys - HAWKS, Denki

Girls - MS JOKE , Kendo

[avatar-anna]

Unknown Number, Part 3.5

i feel like the last part to unknown number was kind of rushed, so i decided to write a little extra part. enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

J: do you BELIEVE in love

HS is typing...

J: after love

J: after love

J: ...

J: after love

HS: I see. You're drunk.

J: finish the lyric 👉🏼👉🏼

HS: Are those supposed to be finger guns?

J: i'm not ACTUALLY gonna hold you at gun point!

J: now finish the lyric!

J: 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼

HS: I hope you know that I am ROLLING my eyes at you right now.

J: 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼🐇👉🏼👉🏼

J: oop sorry didn't mean to put the bunny in there now it looks like i'm shooting a poor helpless animal!

HS: Monster.

J: i'm not!

HS: What if that bunny had children? Think of the children June!

(five minutes later)

J: you made me cry ://

HS: I did?

J: yeah. i'm a bunny murderer :(((

HS: Jesus Christ. You really are drunk, aren't you?

J: :'(((

HS is typing...

HS: I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough no...

J: :D

J: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE

J: after love

HS: After love.

HS: After love.

J: i don't really have anything to base this off of, but i think we would be the life of any party

"So...you and Harry."

"Yep."

"You...and Harry."

"That's right," Y/n said as she stuck safety pins through the hole of Ashton's t-shirt.

"How—Wh—When did this happen?" Michael stuttered, looking at Y/n like she had three heads.

"It's a long story," she said, not wanting to explain how she and Harry had unknowingly been texting for months before they realized they were a lot closer than they realized and were able to act on the feelings they developed for each other.

"And you, like, like him?" Calum asked, like he couldn't wrap his head around the idea.

Niall had stayed true to his word and immediately blabbed to the members of 5 Seconds of Summer about Y/n and Harry. She'd hidden from them that night while they performed and after they got offstage, but now that she was prepping their clothes for tonight's show, she had no choice but to face them. And their questions.

Rolling her eyes, Y/n said, "Yes, Calum, I like him. And he likes me. I've been on a number of dates while touring, you know that. Why is this different?"

No one said anything, which was fine by Y/n. She thought it was better than asking her for dirty details. Looking up from where she was sitting on the floor of the dressing room, she fought a smile. The four boys in front of her were in varying states of confusion and disbelief. Luke was blushing and wouldn't meet your eye, while Calum looked like he was thinking about the information a little too hard. Michael and Ashton seemed to be taking it well, though it was hard to tell.

"I'm gonna talk to him," Calum finally said, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

"Good idea."

The rest of the boys followed suit, all of them turning and leaving before Y/n could stop them. Dropping the shirt in her hands, she scrambled to follow them, calling out for them to stop.

"A—And say what? Come back here!"

Luke was the only one to turn back as Y/n called out to the four boys. He smiled down at her and ruffled her hair playfully, which Y/n promptly swatted away. It was easy for them to think of her as a younger sister kind of figure, she thought. She was older than the boys, but they were all freakishly tall.

"Don't worry, Y/n," Luke said. "We're just gonna make sure he doesn't act stupid. We have your back."

Y/n sighed and shook her head. It was sweet of them to feel so strongly about her relationship with Harry, even if their scare tactics were unnecessary. But she knew she didn't have to worry. The boys talked a big game, but they were all gentle giants.

Then

J: tell me about your childhood

HS: What do you want to know?

J: not specific details obviously, but like...idk were you a happy child? one of those kids that ate dirt?

HS: Dirt?

J: or worms without having to be dared?

HS: ...Where the hell did you grow up?

J: rural town. we had to entertain ourselves in strange ways.

J: but i should make it known i've never eaten anything that isn't food

HS: You know, I think the town I grew up in might be considered rural but I don't think I knew anyone who ate dirt or worms.

J: ok...so what were you like growing up?

HS: Normal I guess. Nothing too crazy.

HS: Parents got divorced when I was young though. I think that's about as interesting as it gets.

J: mm

HS: Mm? What does that mean?

J: i'm humming! it's hard to communicate humming over text

HS: No I got that part but you always have some kind of comment, and now all I get is mm?

J: i'm no psychiatrist h i'm not gonna unpack all of that with you

HS: You asked!

J: i know, but i thought you were gonna give a silly answer

J: i'm not very good with serious or heavy stuff

HS: Well you've certainly made that clear.

J: i want to know and i want to ask you but i don't really know what to say without making a joke, you know?

HS: It's really not that serious. It happened ages ago. No unresolved issues here.

(six minutes later)

J: i've...never been someone who's been like a source of comfort for someone else

J: maybe i have some unresolved issues but talking about deep shit makes me squirmy

HS: That's okay. It's not like I'm stellar at it.

HS: But we can work on that together.

J: we can?

HS: Of course. What are friends for?

Now

J: my clients are assholes

HS: The boys are your friends.

J: they are menaces to society

HS: What did they do this time?

J: they're teasing me >:(

HS: About what?

J: you

J: they're sing the stupid kissing song. i work for CHILDREN

HS: Kissing song?

J: harry and y/n sitting in a tree...

HS: Ohhh.

HS: Do you need me to rough them up a little?

J: now THAT would be a sight to see

J: but no i'm a big girl i can handle it

HS: Give em hell.

HS: Then come find me after.

(the next night)

HS: Where are you? We were supposed to go back to the tour bus??

J: the boys wanted me to go out with them

J: i was going to tell you earlier but they took my phone bc they said i'm on it too much

J: i had to hide in a pub bathroom to text you

HS: So you're telling me you've been kidnapped.

J: no! they miss hanging out with me it's actually kind of sweet. that's why they've been teasing me so much

J: i can't really blame them either

HS: What do you mean?

J: we do hang out just the two of us a lot. i could see why they would feel left out or something

HS: We don't hang out that much do we? We're a couple it's a given that we do things together.

J: i know, but i don't want to be that girl that only hangs out with her boyfriend and abandons their friends, and i don't think you want to be that person either

HS is typing...

(five minutes later)

J: you're not mad are you?

(thirty minutes later)

J: come on h it's one night

J: please don't ignore me :(

(one hour later)

J: big baby

(the next day)

Y/n got up early and walked from her tour bus to One Direction's, her slippered feet shuffling across the pavement. The sun was slowly rising, and she had a slight headache, but she was up anyway, making her way over to Harry's tour bus.

She didn't think he would be so bothered by her going out without him, but when she checked her phone when she woke up, her last few messages hadn't even been read. Y/n supposed she should've told Harry ahead of time that her plans had changed, but she hadn't been kidding when she told Harry that her phone privileges had been revoked. Michael grabbed it and slipped it into his pocket before they went out, and she had to beg to let him give it to her for just a few minutes.

When she got to the door of the right tour bus, Zayn was stepping out dressed in gym clothes. He nodded to Y/n, who simply waved back. She was friendly enough with Zayn, but he kept to himself for the most part, and if she wasn't with Harry, she was usually with one or all of the 5SOS boys. He'd always been nice to her, though, and Y/n thought that they might be friends if they gave each other a chance.

"He's still asleep, I think," Zayn said as he passed her. "But feel free to watch TV or whatever. And help yourself to whatever food you can find."

"Thanks," Y/n said.

She pushed her way inside, cringing when the door creaked and swung shut. It was still early, and Y/n assumed that everyone on the bus was still asleep. All the little curtains that fell over the bunks were pulled closed. She knew she could go right over to Harry's bunk, pull the curtain back, and see if he was asleep or just lying awake, but she stayed at the front of the bus instead, rooting through the fridge to find something to make for breakfast. Technically, Y/n knew she didn't do anything wrong, but having a nice breakfast to wake up to would perhaps make their conversation easier when Harry eventually did emerge from his bunk.

Quickly assessing what she had to work with, Y/n got to work. Nothing too elaborate, but she was still working on it when Harry finally came out of his bunk. He still looked sleepy, rubbing at his eye as he shuffled over to the kitchenette. "Morning," she said, setting a full plate down for him.

"Morning," he mumbled, his voice deep and rumbly from sleep. "You have a nice time last night?"

"I did," Y/n said. "You should come out with us next time."

Harry hummed noncommittally before thanking Y/n for the breakfast she made. She watched him closely, unsure of what to make of his disposition. He was quiet and subdued, but she couldn't tell if it was him still waking up or if he was actually upset with her. When a few minutes went by and he still hadn't said much, she broke the silence.

"Are we okay?"

He looked up from his plate. "Yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

"I don't know...we left things kind of awkwardly last night, didn't we?"

"Because I didn't text you back?" he asked, and Y/n nodded. "Sorry about that. Lou asked me to babysit Lux last minute and I didn't have a chance to check my phone before it died. And, you know, you were right. I wanted you to have fun without me."

Relief washed through Y/n when she heard that. She didn't want this to be a big fight, and it turned out to be a miscommunication, a misunderstanding. "Oh. Okay. Good. Just um, ignore the text I sent where I called you a big baby."

"You called me a what?

The look on Harry's face made Y/n giggle. She went over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You weren't answering me! And it felt like you were ignoring me. And I might have been a couple drinks in. So, I am sorry for that."

"Unbelievable," Harry muttered, though he sounded more exasperated than anything else.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "So we're good? This breakfast was meant to be a peace offering too, you know."

Harry reached up and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, we're good."

Y/n grinned, then came around him to sit at the seat next to him. "Great. Now give me a bite of that. I'm starving."

Harry rolled his eyes, but nudged his plate toward her anyway. Y/n hummed as she took her first bite and leaned into Harry's side, enjoying the warmth emanating from him. Now that the air had been cleared, she felt much better. It was their first little disagreement they'd had since getting together, and it turned out not being that big of a deal. It made her feel better about her relationship with Harry and their ability to talk things through. Y/n could only hope that they could do that when real issues and arguments happened between them. But for now she was content to enjoy her morning with Harry and hide from the rest of the world with him by her side.

[shinobuscanonwife]

demon mother! reader(newly turned, so they haven't ate anyone yet) who encounters Tanjiro, but thinks tanjiro is their kid since they look like their child(the child died very young, maybe?) and adopts them. its like how some animals are so devastated when they lose a child they adopt one that is/isn't one of their species.

would Nezuko like reader?

Tanjiro was a bit surprised when a you saved him and Nezuko from a demon attack even though you were a demon yourself. Once the demon had been taken care of you ran up to Tanjiro and hugged him tightly "my son.." you muttered. Tanjiro was still confused but he hugged you back. Nezuko ran up to you and Tanjiro and tried to pull Tanjiro off of you but Tanjiro shook his head "it's ok. I think we can trust her" Tanjiro said to Nezuko. You took Tanjiro and Nezuko back to a little hut you stayed in when the sun came up.

"Who are you?" Tanjiro asked once he got comfortable. "Your mother..I'm your mother.." you responded. Tanjiro gave you a confused look "my mother was killed a few years ago are you sure your not confusing me with someone else?" Tanjiro said. Nezuko was sitting behind Tanjiro with a serious look on her face. Despite Tanjiro trusting you Nezuko didn't have a good feeling about you at first. You shook your head "you look exactly like my son..I can't be mistaken.." You said looking down in your lap.

Tanjiro felt bad for you. He kind of understood you since he lost his family so he stuck by you. You joined him on his journey to turn Nezuko to a human and you protected Tanjiro whenever you could. Nezuko didn't like you at first and she was suspicious of you but one night her opinion on you changed.

One night Tanjiro and Nezuko were fighting a stronger demon and Tanjiro was exhausted and he wasn't able to fight for much longer. You quickly stepped in and saved Tanjiro from getting slashed in the face. Your arm got cut off but you were able to regenerate. Nezuko was able to use her blood demon art to finish the demon off and she ran over to you and Tanjiro. You were making sure Tanjiro was okay when Nezuko ran up to Tanjiro and hugged him

"I'm okay Nezuko thanks to y/n" Tanjiro said as he hugged Nezuko back. Nezuko looked up and walked over to you and hugged you. "mmh mhh!" Nezuko said happily. You hugged her back and smiled happily. Nezuko trusted you started to view you as a mother aswell.

Thank you for reading!! Have a nice day/night

[jpitha]

Contests

The humans make everything a contest.

Everything.

Mal'zamar was moving down the hall towards the engine room. It was xer turn to take a shift monitoring the Flip drive for any anomalous readings. Xe had to admit the human's Flip drive was far more powerful than the limited Flashwarp that the rest of the Community used, but it was annoying that someone basically had to be watching it all the time so that it didn't "get out of line." Xe still didn't know what the humans meant when they said that, but they insisted that the drive had to be monitored at all times.

As xe passed the humans common room - every Community species had a common room set to their own environmental preferences - xe heard the commotion. Mal peeked in and saw three humans sitting at a table. All three had stripped their outer integrements off to the centers of their body, and their skin was moist from their bizzare active cooling systems. In front of each person was a small white plate, and on each plate was a single Elmar Pepper.

Mal'zamar's feathers rippled a shudder. Xe had little experience with humans before this tour and had never realized they were so... moist. Jenny from engineering noticed Mal standing at the doorway and waved. "Mal'zamar! Come in! Eva, Anya and Kellan are trying to see who can eat the spiciest food without making a face."

Mal's face feathers bristled. Xer face looked twice the size it normally did. "They're what?"

"Ever since we found out that your species consumes fruits with an analog to capsaicin, we've been excited to try them and see how spicy they are! Reg was able to pick up 4 different varieties of Elmar Peppers, and Eva, Anya, and Kellan all declared they could take the heat the most. Nobody could decide, so we're having a contest to see who can take the heat.

Mal's species is similar - though not exactly the same - as the group of animals on Earth known as Birds. Mal'zamar cannot fly, though the religious texts say at one point deep in the past they could; xe doesn't really believe that though. Xe never really followed the popular religion. One thing that is similar between Mal's species and Earth birds is the fact that neither can taste or process capsaicin - one of the things that taste 'spicy' to Humans.

The 'spice' had evolved to make the fruits unpalatable to mammals and similar creatures, so that only birds ate the fruit and spread the seeds wide. Humans decided they liked the poison and bread theirs to produce more.

With the Elmar, the fruits that had more of their analog to capsaicin had a pleasing color, so they were bred to have more of the chemical. They could taste no difference in the high capsaicin fruits compared to the low capsaicin fruits.

Jenny turned back to the group at the table. She raised her hands for silence and the entire room fell silent. "On three, each of you will take the pepper and take one bite. You will chew and swallow the bite entirely and whoever reacts, loses. If, after 2 milliunits (about half a human minute) you do not make a face, you take another bite. Whoever can eat the most without making a face wins. Are the instructions understood?"

Kellan, Anya and Eva nod silently, not looking at Jenny.

"Aaaand, Go!"

With almost religious reverence, each picks up the pepper and takes a bite. Mal'zamar notices they are quite a pleasing deep purple color. They are a recent cultivar and quite popular among the Elmar lately. Xe imagines that means they must contain quite a lot of capsaicin.

One milliunit after the first bite, Kellan breaks. His face contorts into a horrified grimace, as if only now he realizes what he has done. He slaps the table once, and jumps up, running to a glass containing a white liquid on a rear table. There are jeers and laughs from the watchers.

Mal is invested now. Xer shift forgotten, Xe watches the contest. Eva and Anya lock eyes, staring at each other. They chew and swallow without flinching. Methodically, they pick up the pepper and take another bite, and another, and another. Mal can see that Eva's active cooling is working harder than Anyas, but Anya's face is more flushed.

Finally, there is one bite of pepper left. As they reach for it, Anya's hands tremble, but her face remains placid. Eva picks it up and pops the rest into her mouth, chewing and swallowing. Anya puts it to her lips and shakes her head. She puts it down and gets up to get the drink from the rear table. "Okay, you win Eva, that's too spicy for me. It has a really nice flavor though. Fruity with a heat the builds and builds. We should try and make some chili with it."

Grinning widely, Eva gets up and gets her drink as well. "Making chili with those would be a waste. Those should be in a curry."

Mal'zamar notices there are still some peppers left on the table. "Can, I have one?" Xe looks at Jenny.

"Sure, but we have to warn you they're pretty-" Before she can finish Mal takes one and pops it into xer mouth, whole. Chewing thoughtfully she looks at Eva and xer feathers ripple satisfaction. "These are quite nice. Did you buy any more? I could make you pepper sauté, like the Elmar do."

Eva and Anya perk up at the mention. "We'd love that Mal! We could have a rematch!"

[dellalyra]

Family Formation Part Four

Summary: A special moment follows you and Satoru going full protective parents on the kids Principal.

CW: mentions of fighting, misogyny (not from anyone we like lol) swearing

A/N: ngl actually proud of this one. i really wanna make the reader like endlessly warm and loving, but also badass and powerful because women are amazing - and show how much the reader and gojo love each other after all they're only early twenties and still completely lovesick

Recommended listening:

Vigilante Shit - Taylor Swift

Paris, Texas - Lana Del Rey ft. SYML (for the ending)

Requests open <; 3

Series Masterlist

"Good afternoon, am I speaking to Ms. Y/L?" Echoes through your phone as you step out of the meeting Satoru and you were having with the higher-ups, who were busy telling you how to teach and do your jobs.

"Hi, yeah, that's me. How can I help?" You reply.

"This is Principal Ito, I'm afraid there's been some... trouble with Megumi at school today. Would you be able to come to the school to collect him and have a discussion?"

"Is he alright? What happened?" Panic rose in your chest. Was he sick? He was fine this morning, ate his porridge and drank his juice and flipped Satoru off when he tried to kiss his chubby cheeks and squish his face - so absolutely average Megumi behaviour.

"He is perfectly fine, we'll discuss more in detail when you arrive."

"Okay, his dad and I will be there in 15 minutes." You had recently taken to just saying you were his parents because explained that you had taken in the children and were hoping to formally adopt the children of the man who killed your boyfriend and your boyfriend then actually killed came back to life, after the father and sold his son to the family he excommunicated himself from.

You stroll back into the meeting, bending to tell Satoru the situation who immediately stood up.

"We're leaving - parenting shit to do, bye-bye wrinklies." He said, taking your hand and waving to the higher-ups as he lead you outside. Teleporting you both to the school gates so you didn't just appear out of thin air in a middle school.

Greeting the school secretary, she leads you to the principal's office - where you find a sullen, scowling Megumi looking defiant with his 9-year-old legs swinging from the middle of the three chairs facing the desk. He doesn't even look up when you and Satoru walk-in, staring straight at the principal.

Principal Ito, a greying, pot-bellied man sits behind his desk.

"Ah, Megumi's guardians, yes?" He asks shaking Satoru's hand first, then yours.

"In the process of legal adoption, but yes we're his guardians. What's going on? You okay, 'Gumi?" You sit beside the boy on one side as Satoru sits on the other side, taking a lollipop from his pocket and popping it into his mouth, and handing one to you and the kid between you.

Megumi shrugs in response to your question.

"Mr. Gojo, Ms. L/N, I'm afraid Megumi here is in some serious trouble. At lunch break today, he started a fight and participated which resulted in 4 other boys being brought to the nurse for injuries, extensive injuries." Your jaw dropped, your Megumi? Sure, he had attitude, and was Toji's son being raised by Satoru Gojo (you'll ignore any part regarding your temper's influence), but he was a quiet, introverted boy, taking comfort in books and animals, traits he was learning and inheriting from seeing you seek comfort in the same things.

"Is this true, Megumi?" and "Wait, you beat up for other kids and haven't a scratch. Well done kid! Proud of you lil' man, fist bump!" Coming from you and Satoru, respectively. The principal looks completely shocked, but for once, Megumi actually does a fist bump Satoru, showing no remorse for his actions. You rolled your eyes at the two boys fist-bumping, both with their candy hanging from their mouths, your fiancé was mentally 9. Unwrapping your own lollipop, you turned back to Ito.

"Megumi will be suspended for two we-" The principal began but you stopped him.

"Excuse me, shouldn't we hear Megumi's side of the story before any choices are made without us here?" You interject, as the principal waves his hand toward Megumi, signalling him to speak.

"I'm not gonna say sorry. They were pulling on a girl's hair and calling her names and saying mean stuff about her so I stopped them, but then they started doing the same to me so I hit them." The boy shrugs the words out, quiet yet wholly confident in his actions.

"Ah! See, completely valid - good job bud, let's get your sister and head for lunch together. C'mon babygirl, let's have a fun family afternoon with the kids!" Satoru says as he ruffles the child's hair and moves to stand.

"Mr. Gojo, this behavior is totally unacceptable, and your lack of condemning it and disciple is wholly reprehensible. Megumi will be suspended for two weeks while the board makes the decision whether or not expulsion will be the route we proceed with." Ito declares .

Now, after hearing, and trusting the word of your child - you turn to the principal.

"I'm sorry, am I misunderstanding the situation? A child was being bullied, physically and emotionally in the schoolyard - with no teacher intervening with a total obvious lack of monitoring, so my son stood up to the bullies, who then turned on him and began to physically assault him and he defended himself - yet he is being punished? What of the other boys? I assume immediate expulsion - no deliberation needed?" You lean forward toward the desk, passing your lollipop to a smirking Satoru, who knew that edge in your voice never ended well for the recipient. After all, he'd heard the same measured, cold, clipped, and endlessly terrifying tone when the higher-ups had told you to revise your curriculum on differentiating curses this morning (if he remembered, the exact words were: "I appreciate that you have a clearcut, if antiquated, unrealistic and frankly idiotic vision for how you expect these topics to be taught, however, as a special grade sorcerer I feel I am wholly equipped and far more prepared to decide how I teach my students that the majority of this board who have been solely directing from this room for the entire duration of their exceptionally long tenure." God you were especially sexy when you diss the higher-ups).

"The boys are quite seriously injured Ms. L/N, which we feel is punishment enough - and it is Megumi's word against the four other boys and I'm afraid we must listen to the majority." The principal eyed your flaring nostrils and smirking fiance.

"You've gotta be kidding me! The kid did the right thing, if anything give him an award, school hero!" Satoru interjected.

"I am absolutely floored by the words I'm hearing, Principal Ito, I'm afraid it's all difficult to swallow." You respond.

"I'm sure it is, but perhaps this will teach Megumi a lesson in behaviour and I suggest stronger discipline at home - I know you are not his parents and it must be challenging figuring out what to do."

"First of all, what I'm shocked by Principal, isn't Megumi's behavior - but your sheer ignorance and lack of accountability for the obvious failings of your faculty. I cannot believe a school would allow such behavior to continue, especially since both Megumi and his sister have mentioned four boys who are notorious bullies on previous occasions so rather than dealing with the root problem, you choose a scapegoat to shoulder the blame. Second, how dare you insinuate we are not fit to raise a child, we may be young, hell were 22, but these two children are our son and daughter, we are their parents. We raise these children to be brave, stand up for others and know right from wrong and protect those who cannot protect themselves." You take a breather, and the principal turns to Satoru.

"Mr. Gojo, perhaps you would care to calm your partner down, before things escalate." Ito directs at Satoru, who only smirks and says to Megumi "He's done it now. Watch this."

"How DARE you tell him to calm me down! Why don't you just say 'get your woman under control' and be done with it? Christ, I thought the board of the school we teach was misogynist, avoidant, antiquarian, hostile, and cowardly but you, sir, 'toru baby cover Megumi's ears, take the fucking cake. I'll save you the paperwork, I'm withdrawing my kids from this damn school, no kids of mine will go to a school led by a like you an absolute prick like you. Boys, we're leaving, and we'll be taking Tsumiki." You stand, pushing the chair back as Satoru cackles laughing at the indignation on the man's face. Megumi grabs his backpack and your hand, and you both walk out of the room.

Before he leaves, Satoru turns to the man, "Isn't my girl awesome? She's the best mom! No wonder I wanna marry her!" He throws a lollipop on the desk, and saunters out winking at the stuttering man.

The three of you grab Tsumiki from her class and walk toward the exit when she turns and asks what's going on.

"Why are we leaving, it's only 1pm? Did something happen, Satoru why are you smiling that that? Wait, Megumi, why are you smiling?" She spews looking between you all.

"I got into a fight and they tried to blame it and Ito told Dad to calm mama down on me so mama got mad at Ito and called him a prick." Megumi said to his sister as you and Satoru froze.

He called you mom, he called him dad.

Satoru and you just stared at each other, your eyes welling up with tears and pride. You guys had spoken about if the moment happened. Tsumiki had asked one night when Megumi was sleeping if she could call you guys mom and dad, you both said of course, you'd be privileged (Satoru cried, a lot), she then said she would wait for Megumi so as not to make him feel out of place or uncomfortable, ever the sweet, kind girl. You warned Satoru sternly to not make a big deal of it when he did, as you'd never spoken to the little boy about it, not wanting to push him and telling Satoru to not follow through by planning a 'mom and dad' party, knowing it would only mortify Megumi and make him uncomfortable, he had reluctantly agreed with you.

Knowing this came from you both standing up for him and speaking up for him, you mouthed 'I love you' to him and he responded 'I love you too' over the heads of the chattering kids.

"What? Are you hurt? Dad what did you say? Mom did you really call him a prick?" Tsumiki added.

"Your mama's a badass, kids!" Gojo added.

"We take no shit from men, Tsumiki, remember. Plus, he was being an ass to your brother so it was me doing that or your dad hollow purpled him for disrespecting me and you two." You grab Megumi's hand, rubbing circles into it as he looks up at you.

As Gojo recounted the events to Tsumiki, Megumi turned his little head to you.

"Thank you, mama." He said quietly, shy as ever, into your side.

Willing yourself not to cry, you kiss his forehead.

"Always, darling boy."

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