#so the thing is that it's not about distraction it's that i often want to consume media with the same tone as my current emotions

[alarajrogers]

Honestly, I want to see more superheroes whose power comes with disabling downsides, specifically for this reason.

Like, Daredevil can be taken out by loud noise, but comics aren't consistent about it. I'd like to see a superhero with a great sense of smell who is constantly getting migraines or being nauseated and unable to eat because there are so many bad smells in the world. Someone with x-ray vision who is constantly bumping into things because they aren't at all clear on exactly where the edges of things start. A telepath who is incredibly distractible because they keep picking up new random people's thoughts and it drowns out their own.

Because sometimes, autism can be a superpower. But more often, it's disabling. It turns out the one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind is exiled, disbelieved, gaslit, or just miserable and lonely, far more often than he becomes king.

One issue I have with autism being called a superpower is that people will take that and use it as a reason to not accommodate us.

If you see your autism as a superpower that's awesome! I don't want you to change just because other people misuse your views.

[loves1ckmoth]

CLINGY

Loser!Ellie x Reader

Warnings ♡: Fem!reader as always, needy/clingy ellie, Ellie cries after losing reader in the mall, reader comforts her, reader talks more than she usually does in my regular fics, she's more dominant as well, reader and ellie almost pounce on eachother, ellie helps reader put on a dress in a changing room, they kiss a couple times, petnames (my girl, els, darling)

Word Count♡: 1193

Clingy. A word Ellie heard all too often from previous partners. You’d never call her that, no, of course not. You liked her never straying from your side. But it got difficult in crowded areas. Especially on days like today.

You wanted to go out to the mall to pick up a few things. First, your favorite lipstick ran out. Then your friend texted you about an event, and then the dress you were going to wear to said event ripped when you tried it on. The nail in the coffin? Your favorite perfume ran out.

So here you were, walking around a crowded mall on a Friday afternoon. You would’ve prepared to wait, but the event was tomorrow and you needed your things now. Ellie said she’d tag along under the guise of wanting new games, but you knew it was because she didn’t want to be alone at the house.

Sadly enough for you both, everyone in their mother had decided to come as well. It must’ve been a big sale day. That only meant you’d have a better selection of things. While you were grabbing a new bottle at your perfume place, Ellie had distracted herself with some cologne. While you grabbed two bottles of your favorite, you saw a sign.

“Buy two get one free.” As if the universe had planned it all out, Ellie wandered back to your side. “Find something you like, darling?” You ask. She shrugs, but you can tell something’s caught her eye. She’s never been one for subtlety.

“Go grab it. The sign says it’ll be for free. But let me smell it first. I don’t want you smelling of something awful.” She beams and dashes off to grab it. When you sniff it, you find the smell more pleasant than most colognes. You agree and take it up the register. She taps her fingers impatiently as the woman behind the counter rings you up.

You lead her out of the store and she looks through the bag. She eyes your perfume. “Did you need two?” She asks softly. You nod in response. “I’d prefer to come back less. These last me a couple of months each. It’ll at least be half a year before we come back. Though… I did see some room sprays. Perhaps I’ll grab one if they’re discounted.”

You two walk in silence as you navigate through the crowd, trying to pinpoint which store you need to stop at is closer. You only notice her hand slipping from yours too late. By the time you’ve escaped the crowds and into the dress store, Ellie is nowhere to be seen. Your heart twinges and you’re sure she must be panicking somewhere by now.

You walk up to the store clerk and speak softly to her. “Hi, would you mind holding onto my bag? I’m here to buy a dress but I’m afraid I’ve lost my partner. I promise I’ll be right back.” The clerk nods and sets the bag behind the counter.

You leave the store and try to peer out into the crowds, your worry only growing when you don’t spot her. You tap an embarrassing amount of shoulders of girls who look like her, only to apologize when they aren’t. When you don’t find her in the crowds, you try stores. When she isn’t there, you finally check the mall bathrooms. There is where you finally find her.

The moment you walk in, you hear sniveling from a stall. You knock gently, prepared for the embarrassment if it turns out to not be her. “Ellie, are you in there?” Your voice gently rings out in the emptiness of the bathroom. A whimper sounds out from inside the stall and it slowly opens.

She sits there, eyes red and puffy and she grabs you tight. You coo softly, holding her back. “There’s my girl. I was looking all over. Stupid me, then. Should’ve checked my phone for you. Silly me, right?” Your voice is calm, and she looks you over. “Didn’t mean to let go. Shouldn’t have cried like this.”

You shake your head and kiss her lips. “You’re fine. We’ll get all this sorted, yeah?” You caress her softly and bring her out of the bathroom. You wash her face and dry her with a few paper towels before bringing her out with you. This time, you squeeze her hand extra tight so you don’t lose her.

By the time you manage to get back to the dress store, your hair is mussed up from brushing shoulders with everyone in the damn place. Ellie tries her best to fix it for you, and you giggle as she sticks her tongue out to concentrate. You nod and move her hands away from your hair, returning to what you set out here for originally.

You get your bag of perfumes back from the clerk, and Ellie checks inside to ensure you have all your belongings. Ellie is subdued slightly from her losing you earlier, but she does her best to help you pick out a new dress. You’d prefer one like the one you ripped, but when you don’t find something similar, you try to find something else you like. Ellie is attentive, doing her best to find something you’ll like.

Ellie prioritizes comfort overall, and as she looks at the dresses in the store, she realizes comfort might be harder to come by. But, she manages to find the perfect one. Appropriate for big and small events, and comfortable. She brings it over to you as you frown at an ugly feather dress covered in patterns that don’t mesh.

“You find anything good, Els?” You ask, slowly turning only for her to shove the dress in your direction and accidentally into your face. You splutter as you’re met with fabric and Ellie frantically apologizes and pulls it back. Once your face is out of the dress, you take it into your hands to study it. You smile up at Ellie. “This is nice. I assume you want me to try it on?”

She nods fervently, then shakes her head, then flushes bright red, leaving her face blotchy. “Pretty please?” The puppy face she has makes you want to tackle her and ravage her right in the middle of the store, but you hold yourself back. You have more self-control than she does.

“Come on, it’s got a zipper. I’ll need help putting it on.” That’s all you have to say to have her scurrying alongside you and shoving you into the dressing room. You slip out of your regular clothes and have her zip up the dress for you. You smooth it all out and look in the mirror. “Is it all good in the back, Els?”

She gulps, her eyes glancing between you and the dress. She nods slowly and twirls you around to get a better feel of the dress. “Perfect.” You smile and take it off again. “Good. We’ll get it, I’ll grab some new lipstick, and we’ll get you some new games. Alright?”

She hums an agreement this time and grips you tight as you leave.

Second post of today 😵‍💫 I managed to get a lot of writing done today ♡ Hope you all like this one!! Likes and reblogs are most appreciated ♡

[suzukiblu]

. . . so like, no PROMISES for doing the whole month, buuuuut . . . day one of “Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it” behind the cut. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“Oh, should I? In all the spare space I’ve got in here?” Tim asks, still sounding wry. 

“Buy a bigger boat, babe, I don’t know what to tell you,” Bernard says reasonably. “How’re we gonna keep a kept boy without a bigger boat, huh? You want a big pet around, you gotta have a big space for him. Let him really stretch his legs, you know? Or spread ‘em, whichever.’ 

Kon buries another laugh in his arms and Tim rolls his eyes, smiling fondly. Jokes aside, they really are crammed in pretty tight on the bed–it is just not that big a bed to be fitting three people in–but Kon minds literally nothing about that. Not even a little bit does he mind that, in fact.

He likes it, more like. Likes being all up in someone else’s space even without anyone actually fucking each other or even making out or like–just, anything, he guesses. He doesn’t get to do that often enough, it always feels like. Everybody’s always–busy, or moving, or . . . 

He just wants to, like . . . get to do this kind of thing more often, he guesses. 

Doesn’t hurt that it’s Tim whose space he’s currently all up in, either. Like–he has definitely not gotten to be all up in Tim’s space too many times that weren’t directly related to one of them saving each other’s ass in a crisis situation. Or, like, occasionally being transportation to a crisis situation; that has also been a thing more than once. 

. . . actually, fuck, thinking too much about being Tim’s usual designated transportation or just being all shoved up in each other’s space while the world was trying to end while he’s gay is not something he’s gonna be able to be normal about, huh. 

Like . . . wow, yeah. Not even a little bit normal. 

Jesus. 

“Oh, I see, so this is just another excuse to try and get me to trade in my perfectly sound and perfectly outfitted boat,” Tim says, which sort of distracts Kon from his own personal Chernobyl: Horny Edition. Like, kind of, anyway. “Is there literally anything that we have not managed to do in this bed? Genuinely, please tell me what position you have in mind, I’m honestly curious.” 

“Well, what about letting your boy sleep at the foot of the bed?” Bernard asks even more reasonably, which actually just made Chernobyl: Horny Edition like, twelve billion times worse, probably. Just–Jesus, again. “You think you’ve got the real estate for that on this mattress? No you do not, because you’ve failed to plan ahead and you should be ashamed.” 

“Yeah, Rob, shouldn’t you have a Bat-contingency plan for that?” Kon teases past more laughter, and Tim sighs. 

“You know, I did worry if you’d get along with each other or not, but I think it’s worse that you do get along with each other,” he muses, picking a peach slice up off the plate in his lap and eyeing it assessingly, because Tim is literally incapable of not assessing things, apparently, boyfriend-delivered breakfast or otherwise. “Actually, no, it’s worse that you encourage each other.” 

“I’m a very encouraging person, man, what can I say?” Kon says, flashing him a sharp grin. Tim rolls his eyes again, but with that little fond smile again, and Kon feels warm and heady and a little bit desperate to get his mouth on his cock again or, like–get kissed again, maybe. 

It’s maybe a little stupid, how he can’t really tell the difference between those things. Like–which one he really wants, he means. But like, in his defense, he is still experiencing his own personal Chernobyl right now and he’s just doing his best with the resources he’s got available, okay? 

“Oh absolutely, yes, I’m always so encouraged in your presence,” Tim says wryly. Kon grins at him, then sticks his tongue out at him instead. Tim drops the peach slice on his tongue like a weirdo, and Kon represses another laugh and pulls it into his mouth. What, it tastes good. And it’s not any weirder than getting hand-fed a protein bar was, either way. 

Well–maybe still a little weird, but whatever. 

Tim picks up a piece of waffle–Bernard cut them up in quarters, Kon guesses–and holds that out to him, and that . . . Kon hesitates a bit over that, because . . . 

“Sorry,” Tim says. “Don’t want it to get cold.” 

“That’s, like–your plate, man,” Kon says, his face feeling a little hot as he flicks his eyes up from the offered waffle chunk to glance at Tim’s face, because for some ridiculous reason his brain’s gotten stuck on that over a waffle, even after not really thinking of it with just the peach. Though that seemed . . . less deliberate, maybe, so . . . 

“No it’s not,” Bernard replies matter-of-factly, shaking his head as he picks up a banana slice off his own plate and pops it into his mouth. “Tim’s plate has way fewer waffles on it and blueberries instead of peaches. Also oh my god, Tim, don’t feed your boy dry-ass waffle with nothing on it. There’s whipped cream and caramel sauce over here, you want any, Kon? Also butter, if you’re feeling basic. I won’t judge, sometimes the vibe is just butter.” 

Kon takes a long moment to process the fact that Bernard put the plate he made for him on Tim’s lap, and also that Bernard went to the effort to make his plate different, for like . . . whatever reason. 

“. . . um. Caramel, if that’s cool,” he answers, a little belated, and wondering if Tim, like–told Bernard he likes peaches, or . . . well, he’s pretty sure peaches and caramel sauce are not standard waffle toppings, or at least not standard in most people’s usual breakfast setups, so like . . . “Uh–thanks.” 

“Gotcha, man,” Bernard says easily, reaching over to the tray and coming back with, weirdly, like a little, like–carafe, or whatever? pitcher? like the kind of thing people put coffee creamer in, except just full of caramel instead–and passing it to Tim. 

Which . . . okay, low-key weird that Bernard felt the need to pour out the sauce bottle into a fancy little pitcher, but Kon isn’t gonna lie, he’s a little charmed by it. Like, it’s just a funny little quirk, but . . . 

“You’re so fucking cute, man,” he says, laughing again and then grinning at Bernard in amusement. “Like, A+ hosting, don’t get me wrong, totally killer hospitality, but I wasn’t gonna knock down Tim’s Yelp rating if the bottle was sticky or whatever.” 

“Huh?” Bernard asks, wrinkling his nose with a puzzled expression, then seems to realize something and clarifies–“Oh, no, Tim only has the shitty cheap syrup that makes a shell when you put it on ice cream or whatever, I wasn’t gonna put that on waffles, I just made my own.” 

“You made it?” Kon says in bemusement, a little startled by the idea. That’s like–a thing? “Like–what, from scratch?” 

“Yeah, Tim said you liked caramel but again, the only caramel he had on deck was shitty cheap stuff,” Bernard replies with a shrug as Tim pours some sauce onto–Kon’s plate, apparently–and swipes the waffle quarter he’s holding through it. “Personally I’m more the whipped cream type but like, caramel is way less annoying to make from scratch when you don’t have a stand mixer, which your bestie continues to refuse to invest in because of some nonsense about ‘limited counter space’. So like, normally he whips the cream, because it’s his fault I gotta do it by hand anyway and also, you know, he’s got all those sexy, cream-whipping vigilante muscles that I was pretending not to notice but was not above taking advantage of. But we didn’t want you to come up without somebody around, so today my arm is sore, fuck you, babe, buy at least a hand mixer already.” 

Kon . . . blinks, once or twice, and feels–weird, maybe, because that rattled-off chatter makes it sound like . . . like Bernard made that sauce, like–specifically for him? Like . . . just because of him? 

Did he? 

[lucidl0ser]

Soooooo.. this might be a lil too dark. But anyways, can I get Taiju, Draken, Sanzu, Izana and the Haitanis with a reader that’s used to lots of yelling. Like, grew up with parents who argued and yelled a lot. Often sleeping at friend’s houses bc she didn’t want to go home. So she very often starts to argue over small things, and thinks even the smallest things are gonna be an argument bc she was raised that way.

I love a little bit of angst at times♡ I hope you enjoy! Sorry I couldn't do all the characters, my attention span has been bad

*********************Taiju, Draken, and Sanzu with traumatized! Reader

*********************

Taiju

○ Taiju is very used to the yelling and arguing from being a gang leader and everything that he did to his siblings. Tho after Hakkai stood up to him, he went to therapy and learned all the yelling was not healthy.

○ He set himself straight and met you. But further into the relationship, he started to notice your behavior. At any simple miscommunication or issue, you'd blow up and start an argument. It's almost like you're trying to assert yourself as right and strong.

○ He knew he had to make some changes when after an argument over the dishes, you chose to go stay at a friend's. He needs to fix these unresolved issues with you fast.

○ Now when an argument starts, instead of yelling back or trying to argue, he takes a deep breath and reminds you he's not the enemy. He isn't going to yell at you for forgetting to take the chicken out of the freezer. It'll take some time, but he wants to help you heal. This is a safe place, he would never hurt you

Draken

○ Draken isn't gonna put up with your arguments. He's not gonna scream and yell at you, if you're not gonna discuss the issue at hand like adults, he's gonna give you space

○ Even if he has to leave his own place so you have somewhere to stay for the night, he'll go crash at Mikey's or something til you can get in a clear head space to talk normally

○ He knows how you were raised and he hates it. He hates arguments and tries to avoid them as much as possible. He's also a gentleman. He'd never yell at a woman or even think about showing himself as superior. That's just dumb

○ He knows it isn't the nicest thing, but he's gotta break your bad habits one way or another

Sanzu

○ Sanzu is a very different case. Man is traumatized as well with the yelling and arguments. He argued with Takeomi just about every day before leaving, so you two don't blend very well

○ He definitely takes the arguments personally, feeling attacked the moment you raise your voice. He definitely doesn't understand at first, thinking you're just attacking him instead of realizing your trauma, so he yells back

○ But the moment you leave to stay with one of your friends, it all clicks. And he makes some big changes

○ Next argument, he just stays silent until you're finished or realize he hasn't said a word. Afterward, he'd just ask simple questions like what you two should have for dinner or if you're gonna watch a movie that night. It's not the best, but it at least distracts you for a bit til he can find you two a good therapist

*********************

[truelotus]

(Oooh first time requesting smtbhing so hopefully I'm doing this right ;-;)) But can I request Aizen kidnapping his darling using his evil evil hypnosis during the SS arc when everyone thinks he's a little sweetheart?

(Btw take ur time and no pressure 🤗)

Tricked out ᢉ𐭩 Sosuke Aizen X reader

𓂃۶ৎ warning: abduction, kidnapping, manipulating

𓂃۶ৎ context: Aizen unknowingly to you, uses his kyoka suigetsu to hypnotize you, manipulating you subtly.

a/n: I was finally able to do this request! tysm for it and thank you for giving me time to do it <3

Captain has always been very kind to you, after you joined his squad and you were able to become a seated officer, he took more interest in you. He’d come by, to see how well your training was going, help you with anything you needed. He even listened to the problems you had, he was definitely one of the most kindest captains.

But you couldn’t help but feel.. odd? around him.

It felt like it was too good to be true? or something? Nothing felt right of real once Aizen would come around, and even when he left you be. That strange feeling continued to linger, making you feel uneasy.

You’d often feel this feeling even at night, you could never get a peaceful good night sleep.

And tonight, once again you’ll feel that same exact uneasy feeling. But you knew, that you could never fully trust this man, there was something dangerous about him, but thats all you knew.

The air in the soul society felt unusually still tonight, tonight the feeling was much more pronounced than ever before. Maybe it was because of the odd things happening around maybe? Lately you felt like you’ve had more eyes on you than ever before.

But you would brush those feelings away as soon as Aizen would come, he distracted you from the feeling.

You were staring off into the night, listening closely to the droplets of the rain, only the rain could bring some peace to you. You were at your assigned room of squad 5’s barracks. You were up late, unable to sleep. You were so deep in thought, you didn’t notice that someone was coming towards you.

You jumped when feeling a hand touch your shoulder so casualty, you grabbed the hand quickly, then you quickly released it once you looked who the hand belonged to.

“Everything okay? I’ve noticed that you’ve been very tense recently.” You could see the genuine worry on his face, you straightened out the wrinkles of your clothes, trying to hide your embarrassment from your face.

“Captain Aizen! I’m so sorry, I was just.. anyways. Yes, I’m alright. Things have just been feeling like, a dream? lately. So i’ve been on my toes, that is all.”

It was strange on how he always showed up, it was like he planned on it.

Aizen hummed, putting his hand to his chin, as if he was deep in thought about something. “I see.. this seems like something that should be discussed over tea, would you like that?” Aizen replied, giving you a sweet smile that almost the whole seireitei is familiar with.

“A-Are you sure captain? I don’t want to prevent you from doing your work.” You were a bit hesitant, unsure about the situation. You only felt strange once your captain was around, would things go bad once you join him for tea? Or maybe Aizen was the key to solving this issue..

“Nonsense, It’s quite late anyways. What duties would I be doing at this hour?” He put his hand out to you, waiting for you to grab it, to join him. Still cautious, you accepted the hand that was out for you. Aizen’s smile slightly widened.

Strange.

Everything felt strange.

His hand didn’t feel like, his? There’s no way that this could be a impersonator of captain Aizen, right?

Aizen continued to hold your hand as he guided you to his room, even though his hand felt strange, unreal. There was some warmth to it, making you blush. Aizen’s hand was big compared to yours.

You cursed yourself for even blushing, you know very well that this man isn’t the man he projects himself to be. But it was strange, how come all of the sudden you were feeling actual romantic feelings towards him? It was as soon as you grabbed his hand, has he done something or?

Soon enough, the both of you made it to his room. He quietly shut the door behind you as you entered, “Please, make yourself comfortable. I will get the tea ready.”

“Yes captain.” You said as you sat down at the kotatsu. You felt awkward, you’ve never been in Aizen’s room before, alone. You were fidgeting with the ends of your clothes, messing with your hair, constantly changing the seating position you were in.

It didn’t take long for the tea to make, Aizen entered the room while carrying a tray with a kettle, tea cups and bags of tea.

He sat the tray down, then showing you a variety of the tea bags he had. “Here, I brought these out. I didn’t know which one you’d like.” You never really drank tea, so you then asked, “Which do you prefer? I don’t often drink tea so.” For a second, you could see the smile on his face twitch.

“Oh then, I suggest this one. It is my personal favorite.” You nodded, watching him pour the boiling water into your cup then as he brought the tea kettle to his cup, he spoke as he poured the water, “So, tell me. What is on your mind?”

You weren’t sure on what to say, you couldn’t trust this man.. or could you? Were you just overthinking things and making assumptions.

Yeah that should be it right? Captain Aizen would never do anything to you, he’s one of the nicest in the entire gotei 13. You could trust him, he is your captain after all.

This “thoughts” of yours were only implanted by Aizen. He then finished stirring the tea for you both, handing it to you.

“I can’t explain it, recently things have just been weird. I feel like I’m being watched 24/7.. And it really only happens when..”

“When I’m around?” He said as he brought the cup to his lips, you lowered your cup down slightly, surprised by his answer. Has all of this actually his own work?

You froze, unsure on what to do. Were you in danger right now? Should you run? What were his reasons for it?

You dropped your cup, ignoring the burning sensation, the boiling water was burning your thighs but you ignored it. “Ah, careful now.” His tone was smooth, he was so casual about this right now. Why?

He got up, walking over to you. He was going to soak up the tea on your thighs but instead you pushed him away.

“You want a explanation? Very well then.”

He flaunted his spiritual pressure, forcing you to stay down, to stay in place as he spoke, “Yes, I’m honestly very surprised you noticed. Most people don’t notice my perfect hypnosis.” You were confused on what he meant on, “perfect hypnosis”

You couldn’t move, even if you wanted to. His spiritual pressure was just too much for someone like you. You wanted to swat his hand away when you saw it getting closer to your face, he held onto your face, squishing your cheeks together with his hand.

“It only shows that you truly are something special.” You tried so desperately to move, but of course he wouldn’t allow it.

“Captain..”

“I knew that you’d be some use to me from the very start, this was just a test. To see if I was right, and it seems like.. I was correct.” He brought his face closer to yours, his lips dangerously hovering over your own lips.

“I noticed you from the very start, You noticed my kyoka suigetsu. That is what peaked my interest in you, nobody else was able to see it but you.” You weren’t aware of the powers of his zanpakuto, he never bothered to explain them to you.

“What do you.. mean.”

“Oh right, you do not know the power of my kyoka suigetsu.” He used less of his spiritual pressure to force you down, giving you a little break. “It is, complete hypnosis.. it is able to completely control all 5 senses, it’s a very interesting zanpakuto, don’t you think?”

You weren’t sure when exactly he used kyoka suigetsu on you, but you weren’t going to ask. You knew you had no time, you needed to run, to get away.

Even while he was flexing his spiritual pressure, you slowly stood up, using all your strength just to barely stand on your feet. Aizen smirked, seeing you try so hard, miserably.

“Seems like you don’t understand that you are very important for what I have planned.”

“You’re right.. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you chose me out of all people.” You slowly walked to the door, dragging your feet. Aizen only watched as you slowly walked away, knowing you were weren’t going to make it far.

“Because, you’re different. I’ve seen your abilities before darling, I believe that they’re going to be useful to me.” You reached to the door, ignoring him as you slowly opened it.

His spiritual pressure still had a affect, so running was hard for you, but you were going to run like your life depended on it.

“Fuck fuck fuck..” You were a sweaty mess, your thighs still burned from the boiling tea, your legs were weak and failing on you.

You tried to run as far as you could, and when you thought you lost him—because he wasn’t chasing after you— you rested for a bit.

How were you going to report him? Would anyone believe you? Would he just use his complete hypnosis on you again?

“I really don’t see the point of running, you knew very well that I was going to find you quickly.” His voice sent shivers down your spine, unable to move once again.

You slowly turned around to face him, he somehow looked bigger than before, only frightening you even more. “Please..! captain Aizen.” You begged him to stop.

“Come, you were destined to be by my side. You’ll soon see that is your only faith.” He stepped forward, making you feel smaller than ever. “And if you scream, I might just have to kill you. Or maybe punish you. But we don’t want that to happen do we?”

You oh so desperately wanted to fight back, but what would be the point of it? He was going to successfully kidnap you in the end.

He smirked down at you, seeing you so helpless did something to him. He swiftly grabbed your collar, pulling onto it.

“Please! Let go of me!”

“I don’t want to be rough with you, so please don’t make me.”

He dragged you by the collar of your shirt back to his room, to keep you.

All to himself.

To help him pursue his plan.

And you had no choice.

You were going to help him and that’s that.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

real life. l Joel Miller

Summary: maybe this was the life you were both waiting for

Warnings: some sad, but a lot of fluff, some smut at the end (+18), worries; Ellie and Tommy mention, mention of pregnancy

A/N: I'm very glad that you received the previous chapter so well. I think many of us are waiting for a happy ending. This chapter is something different, I hope you'll be gentle with me. I've seen lately that many new people are reading this series. I'd love to know what you think.

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

short stories from life. [masterlist]

He saw her again, she was just as he remembered her. For the first time in a long time, he dreamed of her differently. More alive, happier.

He was home again, and everything was as it should be, and she was there too. Damn, he could feel her so well as if she was really standing right next to him. A smile lit up her face, she gazed at him with feistiness but also love.

"She's waiting for you in the garden." Sarah said.

He looked out the window and saw a familiar silhouette. You were standing in the middle of the lawn, your face turned to the sun, so beautiful. He smiled and looked back at his daughter.

"She'll understand. She understands everything." he replied, stroking the girl's cheek. "I miss you so much, baby girl."

"I know." she snuggled into his hand, narrowing her eyes. "I'll always be here for you."

Sometimes he dreamed of Sarah as a little child, sometimes you were with them and everything seemed so natural, so normal, like it was a life he had experienced. Joel couldn't remember when he had started dreaming like that, but he didn't want to think about it. A soothing feeling filled him and he felt lighter.

"So I can count on you? Joel?"

"What?" he looked at her a little confused.

"You seem a little distracted." Hazel smiled. "I asked if you'd come over and take a look at the sink."

He didn't quite remember what they were talking about. It was a nice day, warm and sunny. Joel had just left the Tipsy Bison where he'd met Tommy and was about to join you across the street where you were shopping, when Hazel stopped him. And even though the woman was talking to him, his eyes and thoughts kept wandering to you.

He noticed you talking to the woman behind the counter. There was something about your movements, something that caught his attention. Joel couldn't help himself lately and often, when he watched you, he realized one thing - you were carrying his child. That thought consumed him completely.

“I’ll send Barry over to you, he’ll handle it,” he said finally, giving Hazel a quick look.

The woman had a disappointed look on her face. “I’d rather you handle this. I trust you.”

His gaze wandered back to you, you were putting bread and some fruit in the basket. "And I trust Barry. He'll show up today."

And before Hazel could answer, he headed across the street.

He entered the store before you could even realize it, nodded to the woman behind the cash register and quickly reached for the basket, almost ripping it out of your hand.

"Jesus! Joel." You sighed, rolling your eyes. "You scared me."

"You shouldn't be lifting." He muttered quietly so the saleswoman wouldn't hear.

"It's not that heavy. Come on."

"No." He grabbed it tighter and placed his other hand on the small of your back, leading you out of the building. "I hope your stubbornness isn't genetic, because I'm going to go completely gray because of you."

He did it again. Completely unconsciously. You didn't talk much about the baby or the pregnancy. Joel was relieved that you didn't insist on taking part in the patrols, but you still didn't talk much about it. Less than two weeks had passed, everything was still fresh.

"Let her get used to it. She's been through a lot, and now this." Tommy said when Joel confided in him about the situation between you "She must be scared."

“I know.” Joel nodded. “But I can’t stop thinking it’s my fault. I want her to know I’m there for her.”

It was a quiet evening. Rain was lightly pattering against the windowsill, and you were curled up on the couch, reading a book you found in the Jackson library. Ellie managed to get out of the house before the rain started, and the place fell silent. Until.

You didn't recognize it at first, but soon your keen ear caught the first notes. The old record player you had in the hallway was playing music. You turned around and saw Joel.

"I found this a while ago. It's old, but maybe you'll like it." he said, and then he walked up to you, extending his hand to you "Will you dance with me, babe?"

It's been raining since you left me Now I'm drowning in the flood You see, I've always been a fighter But without you, I give up

You wordlessly grabbed his hand, letting him pull you into his solid body. Warm lips brushed your temple as you slid your fingers through the hair that fell to the back of his neck. You swayed gently to the rhythm of the next words.

I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine 'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind And I'll love you, always

"I know you're scared. I am too." His quiet voice echoed in your ear. "But we're in this together."

"What if I can't handle it? What if I'm not cut out to be a mother?" you asked quietly.

These questions must have been worrying you for a long time, because Joel felt your voice tremble. He hugged you tighter so that you could feel his heartbeat.

"You're already doing everything to keep him safe. I know what you're like. You'll be the best mother to him. Or her."

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair To touch your lips, to hold you near When you say your prayers, try to understand I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

He heard your quiet sobbing and his heart skipped a beat. You'd buried all your fears and worries so deeply that only now did Joel realize what you had to deal with. If he was afraid of whether you'd be safe, then you had to create this child and give birth to it. 

He remembered when Sarah was little, he remembered the sleepless nights and colic when he spent hours massaging her belly and she cried. He remembered when her teeth were coming out, or when she first got sick. But the world was different then.

"I'm with you on this, baby. I give myself completely to you. Remember that. You’re not alone."

If you told me to cry for you, I could If you told me to die for you, I would Take a look at my face There's no price I won't pay To say these words to you

You woke up feeling his hand on your belly, under your shirt tenderly lying where new life should be hidden. The quiet snoring was evidence that Joel was doing it unconsciously.

Ever since you found out about the pregnancy, you felt fear above all. You knew that Joel was on your side, that Ellie was delighted. Recently, even Tommy quietly mentioned that if you needed anything, he and Maria were ready to lend a helping hand. The people closest to you were with you, but fear settled in your heart and wouldn't leave you.

You never saw yourself as a mother. Or maybe you never had the opportunity to consider such a situation? God only knew. And then Joel and Ellie appeared on your path, your life took on new colors. You were no longer lonely, you had them. And although it wasn't always nice, although there were also difficult moments, you were together. So maybe now it all made sense too?

You turned gently and looked at Joel's sleeping face. The wrinkle between his eyebrows seemed softer to you, you saw all the small wrinkles on his face too, the gray hair intertwined with the darker ones, the lips that you adored so much.

You loved him. You were as sure of it as the fact that the sun rose every morning. This guy was your everything and most importantly - he wanted everything with you.

You gently touched his cheek, Joel quivered. Old habits are hard to break. You smiled, stroking his stubbled cheek and feeling his hand now resting on your lower back move slightly.

A quiet groan escaped his chest. "Go to sleep."

"I can't." you replied quietly. "You snore terribly."

He lifted his eyelid slightly, looking at you indignantly. "I don't snore."

"Yes, you do."

Joel sighed and turned onto his back, rubbing his face with his hand. He sighed when he felt you snuggle up to him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. He liked mornings like this, although he deliberately pretended to be grumpy.

Your warm body lying so close to his, your soft skin. Damn, he loved it all.

"Joel?" your voice was still hoarse from sleep, but he heard it clearly.

"Mhmm." he mumbled without even opening his eyes.

"I was thinking..." you started and suddenly moved, before Joel could react you were already lying on him with your arms resting on either side of his head. He opened his eyes slightly and waited. "I was thinking that since I can't be more pregnant, then..."

"Stop right there." he mumbled, placing his hands on your hips "You'll be more pregnant. You'll be much bigger, darling."

You rolled your eyes but smiled. "Okay, but what I mean is... I meant that if you wanted to, maybe we could... You know." you made a small circle with your hips and felt his manhood twitch. You smiled mischievously.

"Christ!" Joel moaned "You're serious."

You nodded, your messy hair falling over your face. "You know, now you can finish inside me without worry. You can't knock me up any more..."

He frowned and looked at you seriously. "You're not kidding?"

You shook your head. "It's been a while. After all this happened... I miss you. Your closeness..."

"Fuck, I miss you too." He replied and lifted his head, capturing your lips in his.

It was one of those kisses when you were happy and horny at the same time. You kissed him back in an instant and soon your tongues were tangled and his strong hands were gripping your buttocks tighter. 

Damn, he wanted you like never before. Not only because you haven't had sex since you saw the two lines on the test, let's be honest - sex wasn't on your mind then, but now a lot of things between you have become clear and even more bonds have been created that have connected you to each other.

You wanted to feel him with your whole being, you wanted to make love to Joel and show how much he meant to you, but also to feel the same love from him. 

His warm skin beneath your fingertips, the soft groans that filled the bedroom in the early morning… Yes, this was real life. And while you might as well have been stranded in the middle of nowhere with him, you were tangled in the sheets with Joel, moaning softly as he moved inside you. Gently at first, like he was afraid he might hurt you.

"You won't break me, Joel. I'm all yours."

That was enough for him. His movements were strong and decisive. He thrust in and out of you, taking your breath away. Your body submitted to him, and he took and gave at the same time.

And then, as you collapsed next to each other, trying to calm your breathing and your racing hearts, Joel thought he had never felt so alive around anyone before.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist, i think: @picketniffler @orcasoul @bbyanarchist @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @somedayheaven @underneath-the-sky-again @callmebyyournick-name

[kashimos-hajime]

—heat | s.r.

summary: “you may not be looking for a boyfriend, but maybe the boyfriend’s looking for you."

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

a/n: y/ns pov from the 2nd half of last chapter :) | part of the undateable series

masterlist

Finishing your last stretch, you collapse to the ground, groaning. Your ribs are still flaring, trying to get a good grasp of your lungs from the run you just finished. Summer, despite how much you want to like it, is most certainly your least favourite season, and you want to shuffle back into the cooler school building, but you also can’t help how pleasant the sun feels on your skin.

Across the way, you watch as the group of boys in their homeroom congregate, waiting for the period to end as you sip absently on your bottle. Among them stands a tall boy, lean and effortlessly cool as he fans himself with the front of his shirt. He stands unbothered by the sun, if only betrayed by the slight glare when the sunlight streams through his pale eyes. You look away, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. 

The one thing you know is that Suna Rintarou confuses you. He’ll do these tiny things; lend you his math notes, run errands for Osamu (your favourite twin) but not for Atsumu (your most horrid annoyance), and wear earplugs during practice on Thursday after they’ve had music lessons because the sound of trumpets and clarinets all blaring squeaky notes gets grating, yet he’ll take one out when you have something to say to him.

He’ll walk you to the gym when they coincidentally leave homeroom at the same time, and then he’ll act like he doesn’t know you the next time you speak to him.

Which maybe he doesn’t. Aquarium birthday party aside, you don’t know Suna Rintarou any more than you did at the end of last year.

It’s silly. You hadn’t even thought about that day by the glass tank, when he had leaned in close enough that maybe, you’d thought that—  

No. You haven’t obsessed over that day since…

Well, since Suna started being nice to you and brought all that back.

Is that why? you wonder wildly to yourself, trying to focus on the sun and not on the boy standing a few feet away. 

Mina flaps her towel aggressively, trying to cool herself down, and the sounds of her self-deprecating noises make your lips curl into a smile, distracts you from him, all six feet and some change tall, dark hair, long, long legs... “I can’t go back inside sweating 'cause all the boys might see, but it’s so damn hot I can't stop! My prospects’ll go down drastically, ugh, this is so frustrating. Can you pass me your water bottle?”

“Your prospects'll go down,” you echo, bemused, doing as she asks. Mina scowls at you, snatching your bottle and dampening her towel, patting it on her brow. “Is that so?”

“Yes! It’s not like I can ask Kento-san to the festival.”

“Why not?” You reach for another sip of your water bottle and chew on the top absently. “I thought you liked him.”

“I do, but… he lives far away. And he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend.”

“Oh. But you guys see each other pretty often.”

“But he hasn’t asked,” she emphasizes, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Your eyes start drifting again, and when you realize they fixate on a boy stretching further down the track, you jolt, putting down your water and leaning back, forcing yourself to stare up at the sky. There’s barely a cloud in the sky. You sigh. “Why go out with me if you don’t want me to be your girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s scared.” 

“Scared?” she demands. “Why would he be scared?”

You open an eye to look at her, frowning thoughtfully. “Because you know what you want,” you say. “And he doesn’t. Help me up, would you?”

Mina nudges your thigh with her foot, but when you don’t budge, she sighs, pulls her towel around her neck, and reaches down to pull you up. “You’re so lazy.”

Getting to your feet, you adjust the towel around your own shoulders when Mina grabs your hand, catching your attention.

“Hey. Suna’s walking over.”

“What?”

Twisting around, you blink when you come face to face with Suna Rintarou standing before you, his shadow barely blocking the sun arching high above them. He doesn’t even look like he wants to be there, staring through you, and you stand straighter, suddenly aware of the way every part of your gym uniform is sticking to your back, your sweat gathering beneath your breasts.

He doesn’t talk at first, just stands there with his hands shoved beneath his waistband, and you glance at Mina, whose eyes widen as if to say I don’t know, for a moment before tentatively asking: “Did you need something, Suna?”

“Nope,” he says. “Do you wanna go out with me?”

You blink. Once. Twice. Stare at him and wonder if you’ve misheard. When you run, your hearing goes a little fuzzy as your blood starts roaring in your ears, and you can mistake even the simplest of sentences, so maybe it’s that? Maybe you’re still suffering from being forced to run laps around the track all in the sake of being ‘healthy’.

You open your mouth, running his words over your head, but when you manage to find your voice, it comes out horrible. Janky, awkward, rude in the way you say, “What are you talking about?”

“Date.” Like that explains everything. “For the festival at the end of the month.”

You laugh nervously, hoping he can’t hear the way your heart is beating like a marching drum against your ribs. “Are you terminally ill?”

His (handsome) face is smeared by a scowl, but even that is attractive. It’s a thin, smooth line, cold and unimpressed, and the way he speaks makes you feel stupid. “No.” 

It must be a joke somehow, right? Was he dared to do this? Suna… doesn’t even like you. You’re pretty sure he barely tolerates you, and even if he did, it’s certainly not to the point that he would ask you out. You clench your jaw. It’s not like… you haven’t said yes before to a date to someone you didn’t know too well. It’s not like Suna’s stupid or rude or ugly. Quite the opposite.

But it’s because it’s him that you feel the answer shooting up your throat like a bullet. You don’t know where you stand with Suna Rintarou, and you don’t want to lose your footing, but if you say yes, you’re scared that if it doesn’t go well, your place in the Inarizaki volleyball gym will turn into your own personal hell.

But he knows that. He must know that. 

So why did he even ask?

Your shoes shift, and you feel a little weak at the ankles.

A dare. It must be a dare. Date the Undateable.

You could’ve laugh, if it didn’t make your heart wilt and sink in your chest.

“Then, no.” You need to get out of here. Stepping around him, you try not to focus on how heavy your own feet feel. If you trip now, you might never show your face anywhere again. “No, thanks.”

You push yourself towards the school. Hope the teacher doesn't call you out for leaving early. Mina catches up to you, her hands coming around your arm, and it feels strangely cold as you glance at her.

“That was so weird,” she exclaims, squeezing your bicep. As they walk, the road feels bumpy. With every step, the toe of your shoes keeps dragging along the asphalt, and you glance over your shoulder to see him staring. The blood rushes to your head. You press closer to Mina. “I mean, people always ask him out, but he’s never asked someone out.”

“Mhm.” Trying not to look as shaken as you feel, you push a smile onto your face. "Definitely a first."

"But at least he's cute, and smart. And he's fit." Mina giggles. "Why did you say no?"

"I told you, I’m not really looking for a boyfriend right now.”

Your best friend hums, brushing her hair over her shoulder in a long, dark wave. It catches the sunlight, and so do her pretty brown eyes, and you think the boy, Kento or whatever his name is, is stupid. “You may not be looking for a boyfriend,” she says, grinning at you, “but maybe the boyfriend’s looking for you. And if it’s Suna Rintarou, I don’t think you have good odds of escaping.”

You blink, mouth opening to argue, but she only grabs your hand and hastens her step, pulling you along. “Mina—”

“Come on! Let’s get back to the change room before the others so we have more time to freshen up.”

[kistnlads]

𝑬𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕

Zayne x FemReader | Short Fic, 2.7k Words | Anonymous Fic Request

Hintofthescene/Moans/Groans | Likes and reblogs are appreciated

⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆

You are his greatest distraction, the one thing he can never tune out. He’s memorized the rhythm of your heartbeat, sketched its shape in the margins of his reports, felt its pulse beneath his fingertips more times than he should. And when you remind him that he is tending to his patient, he loses another piece of his restraint.

He wants you.

Zayne exhales slowly, pressing his fingers into his temple. His mind should be focused on the neatly written reports before him, but instead…

Your heart.

Not metaphorically, not in some poetic, lovesick way. No, it’s your actual, anatomical heart. The one he’s listened to countless times, the one that flutters when you’re nervous, steadies when you’re at ease. The one that once faltered after an injury, forcing him to fight to keep it beating. He remembers the sound, the rhythm, the pulse beneath his fingertips.

And so he draws it.

Over and over. In the margins of reports, between scrawled medical notes, on the edges of prescription pads. It’s not just muscle and vessels to him. It’s yours. He knows it, could sketch it from memory, engraved into his mind like something sacred.

His pen scratches against the paper, outlining the delicate chambers, the intricate arteries, the pulse points where life surges through your body. But as his hand moves, the lines shift, detailing not just a perfect textbook heart, but something softer. 

A heart entwined with his own.

The thought sends a heat curling in his chest, but before he can tear the page out, a voice shatters the quiet.

“Still working this late, Dr. Zayne?”

His fingers tighten around the pen. He doesn’t need to look up to know it’s you.

But he couldn't help but wonder how you slipped in so silently—no creak of the door, no knock to announce your presence. Not that it mattered now. 

You stood by the closed door, arms crossed, a teasing smile playing on your lips. You’re tired, he can see it in the way you shift your weight, the faint haze of sleepiness clinging to your eyes, yet you’re here. And suddenly, his focus on the medical reports feels utterly pointless.

“Should you not be resting?” he counters, voice steady despite the warmth creeping into his collar.

You huff, stepping inside. “Funny. I was about to say the same to you.”

You step closer, gaze flicking down to his open journal. Before he can close it, your fingers dart out, flipping the pages back to reveal his sketches.

And then—silence.

You start to take in the countless drawings. Some clinical, detailed, precise. But others… others are different. It was a secret he never meant to reveal.

“What’s this?” Your fingers brush the edge of the page, tracing the inked lines. “You seem to have drawn this a lot.”

Zayne swallows. Deny it. Say it’s just a medical habit.

Your gaze lifts, locking onto his, searching. And he sees it, the slight hitch in your breath, the same racing pulse he’s memorized.

“Zayne…” Your voice is different now as his pulse thrums in his ears.

He exhales.

“I find myself thinking about it more often than I should.” His voice is low, edged. “Your heart. The way it beats. The way it—” 

His jaw tightens. He should take the journal back. Should laugh it off, tell you it’s nothing. But he doesn’t move. 

“How long?” Your question sends a bolt of panic through him. “How long have you been drawing my heart?” 

He can’t answer. He thought he shouldn’t. Because if he does, if he gives even the slightest inch then you’ll know everything.

“When you check my pulse, when you listen to my heartbeat, do you picture this?”

Zayne clenches his teeth, every muscle in his body coiled tight. His instinct is to pull away, to put distance between you and him before he does something reckless.

But then—

You take his hand. Press it flat against your chest, fingers splayed over the smooth fabric of your white dress, right over where your heart beats for him.

Your fingers tighten around his wrist, keeping his hand right where it is. “Tell me… what do you feel?”

His breath is slow, measured, but he can feel it. Your pulse beneath his palm, the delicate but insistent rhythm of you. It would be so easy to pretend this is just another examination. Just another routine check.

But it isn’t.

He spoke your name, his voice was strained, barely holding together, and you tilt your head, lips curving in the faintest ghost of a smile. 

“That doesn’t sound like an answer.”

Damn you.

Zayne could lie. He could tell you he hears nothing unusual, that your vitals are fine, that this is meaningless.

But the way you’re looking at him—curious, knowing, waiting—he knows you won’t let him get away with it.

And then… he pulls away.

The loss of contact is abrupt, but he doesn’t let himself hesitate as he tries his best in ignoring the way his fingers still burn from touching you.

“This is inappropriate.” His voice is clipped, controlled. 

You didn’t move.

Instead, you study him, slow and careful, as if trying to piece him together.

“Why do you always do that?”

His brow furrows. “Do what?”

“Run.”

The word hangs between the two of you, heavy and unrelenting. Zayne’s lips press into a thin line. His shoulders square, arms crossing over his chest in a practiced display of distance.

“I do not.”

You huff, shaking your head. “You’re doing it right now.”

You take a step forward, and Zayne forces himself to hold his ground. He won’t retreat again. 

“You think I don’t notice? The way you look at me when you think I won’t see? The way you touch me just a little longer than necessary? And now this—” You gesture to the journal still open on the desk, the evidence of his obsession laid bare.

His heart slams against his ribs.

“I want you to say it.”

He knows what you mean. And you want him to admit it. To say the words he’s kept locked behind clenched teeth and medical reports and foolish sketches in the margins of his notes.

Zayne swallows hard, forcing himself to meet your gaze. It would be easy—so damn easy—to close this distance. To grab your wrist, to pull you against him, to press his lips to yours just to see if you’d melt against him the way he’s imagined too many times.

So instead, he exhales through his nose, and responds, “You are asking for something dangerous.”

“I can handle danger.”

Of course you can. That’s what terrifies him the most. You’re not someone fragile, someone he can keep at arm’s length forever. You’re relentless, unyielding, just as stubborn as he is. And if you made up your mind about something—about him—then there’s no stopping you.

Your lips curl, amusement flickering in your eyes. “How about you, Dr. Zayne?”

“This is a mistake. You do not know what you are asking for—”

“Then tell me to leave.”

Zayne’s teeth grind together. You’re giving him another out, a way to escape before he ruins everything. But you don't realize—he’s already ruined.

His control is slipping, unraveling piece by piece, and the more you look at him like that, like you’re his, the more he feels himself cracking.

He spoke your name again, but you cut him off.

“Tell me to leave, Zayne.” Your voice is steady. “And I will leave—”

Just like that—he snaps.

His fingers curl around your wrist, flipping your positions in a single, fluid motion. In a breath, you’re against the desk, and he’s in your space now—caging you in, pressing your back until there’s nowhere left to run.

His other hand comes up, gripping the edge of the desk beside you, effectively trapping you between his body and the cold surface.

Your breath catches, eyes wide, but you didn’t pull away. You don’t want to. And that—that—is what breaks him most of all.

“Do you truly believe that I do not want you?” His voice is low, rough, and dangerous. His grip tightens slightly, his pulse a wild, erratic thing in his throat. “Do you think I do not—” 

He exhales sharply, shaking his head. Your lips part, breath uneven.

You’re everything—too close, too warm—and Zayne has spent too long pretending he could live without this. Without you.

Your gaze searches for him. “What are you so afraid of?”

His throat works, his entire body burning from the inside out. Then, slowly and painfully, he brings his forehead to yours, your breaths mingling in the sliver of space that remains between the two of you.

“You.”

Zayne’s lips crash against yours, fierce and unrelenting, as he presses you against the desk. His hands grip your waist, fingers digging in like he’s afraid you’ll slip away, but you’re not going anywhere. Not when his body is flush against yours, not when heat coils between you like a live wire.

You push off his lab coat, letting it slide to the floor, and your fingers work at his tie, loosening it with impatient tugs. He groans against your mouth as you make quick work of his buttons, exposing the warmth of his skin beneath your touch.

His breath is uneven, his restraint fraying at the edges. Then, without hesitation, his hands slide down, parting your legs as he steps between them. But you barely notice, not when he’s kissing you like this, like he’s starving, like you’re the only thing keeping him tethered to the world.

Zayne’s grip tightens on your thighs as he presses in closer, his breath hot against your lips. His half-unbuttoned shirt hangs open, the tie loosely draped around his neck, forgotten. 

He’s never been like this before—never let himself want like this. Yet, your body is so damn willing beneath his hands, and he knows there’s no turning back.

“You drive me insane,” he rasps against your skin, his lips trailing down the curve of your jaw, nipping, tasting.

You shudder, your fingers threading into his hair, pulling him down to you again. “Zayne—”

A low growl rumbles in his chest, and then his hands slide up your thighs, gripping firmly as he tilts your hips toward him, his body slotting between yours in a way that sends heat pulsing through every inch of you. His lips find yours again, demanding, greedy, and swallowing every gasp.

The desk creaks beneath you as he presses you down against it, his fingers slipping beneath the hem of your top, brushing against heated skin. You arch against him, pulling at his shirt with desperate fingers.

Zayne, for the first time, curses against your skin. His mind is clouding with need. He should take you. Right here. Right now. And he almost does.

But then—

Reality slams back into him.

This isn’t some dark alley, some hidden corner of the world where he can abandon every rule that’s been drilled into him. This is a place of work. A place meant for professionalism. 

This is an office. His damn office.

And here he is, about to take you on his desk like some reckless fool.

Zayne was a man of control. He had to be. 

A doctor who let his emotions interfere with his work was a liability. A mistake waiting to happen. 

And yet, he almost lost about any of that now. Not when you’re right in front of him, lips parted, skin burning against his touch.

Zayne stills. 

His muscles tense, his hands freezing where they rest against your body while your brows furrowed in frustration, lips kiss-swollen and tempting, so tempting.

“Why are you stopping?” You murmur, voice thick with want, fingers still buried in his hair.

His grip on your waist tightened for just a second before he forced himself to step back, though every fiber of his being protested. His shirt was open, his coat discarded somewhere on the floor, and you—you were still sitting on his desk, legs parted just enough to make him ache.

“Because this—” He exhaled sharply. “We cannot proceed with this here. It is unethical. This—this is not the appropriate place for such matters.”

He shut his eyes, inhaling deeply. 

“I must have some self-control.”

“Self-control?” You push off the desk slowly, purposefully, closing the space between the two of you in a way that makes his heart stutter. “You’ve been doing so well, haven’t you?”

You are testing him. And God help him, it was working.

Your fingers brushed over his collarbone, trailing lower, slipping beneath the fabric of his half-unbuttoned shirt.

Shit.

“We—” He exhales sharply, trying to ignore the way you’re still clinging to him.

“It’s late.” Your voice is light, breath fanning against his lips. “No one’s going to walk in.”

“I… I have patients,” he grits out, hands twitching where they rest on your waist.

You lift a hand, cupping his face with a gentleness that nearly undoes him.

“You’re always looking after everyone else. Always tending to someone. Always taking care of others.” Your fingers then trail down, brushing over the rapid pulse at his throat. “But aren’t you already tending to your patient?”

Zayne stiffens.

“P–Patient?”

You lean in, lips grazing his lower lip, and fuck, you know exactly what you’re doing to him.

“Dr. Zayne,” you murmur, voice sultry, and taunting. “Are you really going to leave your patient unattended?”

A sharp, amused breath escapes him, somewhere between a chuckle and a curse, then his grip tightens, dragging you back against him.

“You—” His voice is strained, his self-control crumbling all over again. “Are going to be the death of me.”

I smile against his lips. And just like that, the doctor abandons all reason.

OUTSIDE DR. ZAYNE’S OFFICE

Yvonne hummed quietly to herself as she approached Zayne’s office, her steps light. She didn’t knock, she already knew she wouldn’t be getting an answer. Instead, she reached for the sliding status sign on the door, smoothly shifting it from DOCTOR IN to DOCTOR OUT.

Just as she was about to turn away, a voice behind her made her freeze.

“What are you doing?”

Yvonne sucked in a breath, schooling her face into something innocent before turning to face Greyson, Zayne’s ever-diligent assistant. He stood there, arms crossed, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“Oh, you know,” she said breezily, clasping her hands behind her back. “Just… helping out. Thought I’d take something off Dr. Zayne’s plate. He’s been so busy, after all.”

Greyson narrowed his eyes. “Uh-huh. And that required switching his status to ‘Out’ when he’s clearly still inside?”

Yvonne laughed, waving a dismissive hand. “Maybe he just wants to be out for a bit, you know? Doctors need breaks too.”

Greyson didn’t budge. “Nurse Yvonne…”

She sighed dramatically, shaking her head. “You really ask too many questions, Dr. Greyson.”

“It’s my job,” he deadpanned.

Yvonne opened her mouth, ready to spin another excuse when suddenly, a very distinct sound cut through the quiet hallway.

A muffled thump.

Then another.

Greyson’s brow furrowed. “What was that?”

Yvonne laughed a little too quickly. “Oh, uh… probably just Dr. Zayne knocking over some books. You know how he is. Always juggling too many things at once.”

And then—

“Zayne—ahh—!” A voice rang out, breathless, followed immediately by a low, husky groan.

Yvonne winced.

Greyson blinked.

There was a beat of absolute silence before the sound of the desk creaking again, followed by another deep groan.

Yvonne pressed her lips together, trying very hard to pretend she wasn’t hearing this.

Greyson, on the other hand, was frozen. His face was carefully blank, but there was no mistaking the realization dawning in his eyes.

“They’re—” he started.

“Yep.” Yvonne didn’t even let him finish.

“In his office—”

“Uh-huh.”

“Right now—?”

“Sounds like it.”

Another moan. Louder. Longer. Breathless. Followed by a muffled whimper.

“Zayne… don’t stop—”

Greyson opened his mouth, then closed it, then scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I wish I was.”

He turned to the door, his hand twitching like he was about to knock. 

“Nope! No, no, no, we do not need to check on that!” Yvonne lunged, grabbing his wrist before he could ruin whatever was happening inside. 

He exhaled sharply through his nose, pulling her hand away. “This is highly unprofessional.”

“So is eavesdropping,” Yvonne shot back.

“But, I’m his assistant, and I need to—”

“Yeah? You wanna assist him right now?” Yvonne arched her brow. “Wanna walk in and ask if he needs a goddamn clipboard?”

Greyson opened his mouth, then shut it, looking vaguely horrified. Yvonne smirked. 

“That’s what I thought.” She patted his shoulder. “Now come on, doctor. Let’s go before they finish, and we have to make eye contact later.”

And as they walked away, another muffled moan echoed behind them—loud enough that even Greyson, despite his best efforts, winced.

He groaned. “I’m taking the rest of the night off.”

“Good call,” Yvonne agreed. “You’ll need therapy after this.”

[plutosunshine]

The Shadow Side of Each Sign

What I am talking about here is not only the Sun sign but also its larger size: it is the sign at its core. You can apply this to any placement you have (but remember that depending on the planet, it can slightly differ).

The shadow side of Aries

The most obvious shadow side of Aries's energy is its impulsiveness. These people tend to act impulsively, even in very serious situations. Also, Aries may be short-tempered, sometimes even over small frustrations. These people may be self-centered, putting off a focus on their interests. One of the other obvious shadow sides is their impatience. They want it all and quickly. Aries's energy may be aggressive at times due to their enormous energy. They can be confrontational or overly competitive. Aries is quite easily bored and distracted, always searching for the thrill. It can be difficult to finish projects since they lose interest quickly. One trait that can annoy others is their ego-driven nature: they must be the best, sometimes even at the expense of teamwork. Aries people may be blunt, straightforward, and direct, sometimes hurting others unintentionally. Aries is a fire sign; it is brave and strong, so, at times, these people are afraid of being vulnerable and showing their weaknesses. They prefer action over deep emotional expression.

The shadow side of Taurus

We all know that Taurus is a very stubborn sign. Sometimes, it can be a burden since Taurus may be resistant to change, prone to stagnation, and overly stubborn, even when it is unnecessary. Also, Taurus people are possessive: they may be too focused on material things. It may be expressed even in relationships - when they are too clingy or unwilling to let go. Taurus energy likes comfort and stability; in its shadow side, it may be expressed as laziness and inertia. They like delicious food, luxury, and pleasure, which may sometimes lead to overindulgence. Also, due to their love for stability, they may become too rigid: they stick to routines and habits, struggling to adapt. It is the adaptability that Taurus people may lack at its worst. Taurus people see money as security, so they may sometimes become greedy and too focused on that. Also, it is worth mentioning their jealousy. They may feel threatened when others succeed, or their relationships are at risk. Taurus often refuses to step out of their comfort zone, which leads to resistance to growth. Lastly, I would like to mention their ability to hold grudges forever. They are slow to forgive, and it takes a long time for them to let go.

The shadow side of Gemini

We all know about the inconsistency of Gemini. They may start a lot of things at the same time and finish none of them. They are easily distracted and bored, so it is difficult to stick with one thing. Also, they may be superficial: sometimes, it is too boring for them to dig deep. Gemini constantly seeks new stimulation, which leads to jumping from one thing to another. Gemini loves to share information, sometimes even at the expense of others, which leads to gossiping. The trait most people don’t like in Gemini is their two-faced behavior: they can present different personalities in different situations. It is not because they are evil; they adapt to situations and can quickly change their minds and opinions. Gemini may be quite emotionally detached: they tend to rationalize their emotions rather than feel them. Also, it leads to overthinking because they get stuck in analyzing their emotions. These people are very charming and good with words, which, at its worst, may lead to manipulations. 

The shadow side of Cancer

Cancer rules emotions and feelings, so it is no surprise that Cancer is moody. Their emotions change rapidly, making them unpredictable. One of the main shadow sides of Cancer is their over-sensitivity, which leads to taking things personally and holding grudges. They are vulnerable and get hurt easily. Also, Cancer struggles to let go of people and situations, even when it's unhealthy for them. Cancer may be passive-aggressive since they don't want to express their anger directly and don't address issues head-on. Cancer is very sensitive, and they fear rejection, even if it is small. This leads to withdrawal and building walls to avoid emotional pain. Cancer loves their loved ones and wants to protect them even at the expense of their well-being. Cancer is emotional, so at its worst, they use their emotions to manipulate others or get their way. These people love the past: it is a nostalgia trap; they may live in the past, struggling to embrace the present. Lastly, Cancer always needs validation to feel secure and protected.

The shadow side of Leo

We all know that Leo loves themselves. At its worst, it can lead to ego-centric behavior. They crave attention and validation to feel worthy. Also, Leo may be arrogant, believing they are always right or even superior to others. These people are dramatic: they can exaggerate situations for emotional effect. Leo is stubborn; they want to prove their point even when they know they are wrong. Leo needs to be the center of attention, so others may perceive them as attention-seeking. Leo doesn’t like to show vulnerability and struggles to apologize when it is needed. They feel threatened when someone outshines them because, as we remember, they want all the attention. Leo wants things done their way and can be prone to dominate others. They risk a lot when overconfident, which can lead to consequences. Lastly, their self-worth is tied to external validation and praise. 

The shadow side of Virgo

One of the obvious shadow sides of Virgo is their perfectionism. They hold impossibly high standards for themselves and others. Which leads to their next shadow side — over-criticism. They notice all the flaws and aren’t afraid to tell others. Virgo is an anxiety-prone sign: they overthink a lot and worry about every little detail. They need to control everything: they want everything done in the ‘right’ way. Also, Virgo can be very harsh toward those who don’t meet their expectations. Virgo is a sign that is obsessed with productivity and struggles to relax. They tend to rationalize their feelings and emotions, leading to preferring logic over feelings, making them seem cold and unapproachable. Despite their critical and perfectionist nature, they often feel not enough and doubt themselves. In addition, Virgo tends to downplay their own achievement and worth. Lastly, it is extremely difficult for Virgo to relax, let go, and go with the flow.

The shadow side of Libra

We all know how indecisive Libra can be. They struggle to make decisions, often fearing conflict or regret. Libra is one of the most people-pleasing signs. They put the needs of others first, and often at their own expense. Libra hates conflicts and aggression; they prefer peace and harmony so much that they suppress their true feelings not to conflict with others. At its worst, Libra may be too focused on appearances, charm, and social status, making them superficial. These people often depend on their relationships, whether it's romantic or platonic, too much. They rely on relationships for a sense of identity and validation. Libra is afraid of quitting the relationship because they avoid being alone. Lastly, Libras may use their charm and diplomacy to get their way, which may lead to manipulations. 

The shadow side of Scorpio

Scorpio may be very jealous. They are possessive and suspicious in relationships, making them more complicated. They need to have power over situations and people, leading to control issues. This can be reflected in their relationships a lot. Scorpio hides their true thoughts and feelings because of suspicion, which makes them hard to read. One of Scorpios' most popular negative traits is that they hold grudges for a long time and get revenge when betrayed. Revenge of Scorpio is no joke. Scorpio is a water sign, so they feel everything deeply. However, they may struggle to express those feelings, suppressing them inside. Scorpio is a clever and deep sign, and at its worst, these people are the best at manipulating people: they use their emotions and psychology to influence others. Also, Scorpio is always suspicious: they await betrayal or deception, making the relationships with them hard. This also leads to them struggling to trust others and let their guard down. The shadow side of Scorpio is their self-destructive behavior: they tend to put themselves in dangerous or toxic situations and often sabotage themselves. Scorpio is an obsessive sign: they fixate on people, ideas, thoughts, or situations to an extreme degree. 

The shadow side of Sagittarius

Sagittarius may be very blunt, speaking the truth without considering other feelings. Others may perceive them as rude because of that. These people always seek the next adventure, which makes it hard for them to commit. This sign doesn't like restrictions and limits, so sometimes they may be irresponsible: they avoid obligations or serious responsibilities. At its worst, Sagittarius thinks they already know the world's truth and teaches others that. They are overconfident, dismissing other perspectives. Sagittarius doesn't like the slow process of achieving goals: they get frustrated with slow progress or details. Also, Sagittarius often takes unnecessary risks without thinking of the consequences. Sagittarius is a very free-spirited sign: they prefer freedom over deep emotional bonds. Lastly, Sagittarius tends to ignore the problem, running from it instead of facing it head-on.

The shadow side of Capricorn

Capricorns may be workaholics, prioritizing career and success over personal well-being. This sign may appear as emotionally cold: they struggle to express feelings. Also, Capricorn is a pessimistic sign: they always focus on the worst-case scenario. Capricorn is an earth sign; they don’t like changes, preferring stability, but it can sometimes lead to over-attachment to tradition and stagnation. Capricorn has serious control issues. They want to micromanage everything to feel secure. They are also quite materialistic: they measure success by status, wealth, and achievements. Capricorn is that sign that is always unsatisfied with their achievements. They want more and want it the perfect way. These people are critical of themselves and others. Capricorn doesn’t like to take risks because of the fear of failure. It can be sometimes a big burden on the way to success. Lastly, this sign sees playfulness and joy as a distraction from responsibilities, which makes it hard to relax.

The shadow side of Aquarius

Aquarius may appear cold and detached from others since they struggle with deep emotional intimacy. They can seem uninterested or indifferent in personal relationships. This sign is rebellious, but not always for the goal, but often for its own sake. They reject authority and norms, even when unnecessary. Aquarius is an unpredictable sign: they suddenly change opinions, interests, or goals. The most popular negative trait is their know-it-all attitude: they believe they are intellectually superior to others. Aquarius is a fixed sign, so it is no surprise they are stubborn: once their mind is made up, it's hard to change. This sign often gets lost in ideas and theories, ignoring practical matters. Aquarius enjoys being different, but sometimes, eccentricity is taken too far just to stand out. 

The shadow side of Pisces

Pisces tend to escapism: they may avoid reality through daydreaming, fantasy, or even addictions. This is a water sign, so they are sensitive, but at its worst, it is taken too far: they take everything too personally and absorb others' emotions. This sign often struggles to say no, which leads to emotional exhaustion. Pisces is one of the indecisive signs. They often feel lost while trying to make a decision. Also, Pisces has a victim mentality, feeling powerless and blaming external forces for struggles. These people can fall into cycles of procrastination or self-doubt, self-sabotaging themselves. Pisces can live in illusion, lying to themselves or others to avoid harsh truths. Pisces sacrifices too much for others, expecting unspoken gratitude, often at their own expense. This sign may be very chaotic and forgetful, struggling with structure.

[divab0dy]

Giving hamzah or art their first handjob🙈🙈💋

Hands on Learning

contains: smut MDNI!!! sub!art, virgin!art, hand job obv, lmk if there's anything else

authors note: okay i really wanted to write this about hamzah but i cannot picture him getting his first hj at his big age. art is pathetic tho i could picture him getting his first kiss at 35. maybe i'll write something similar with hamzah tho!! also side note this is like the worst thing i've ever fucking written so lmk if you want me to rewrite this😭

art had been the sweet kid, always in the shadow of patrick when he came around stanford. dragging art to parties of a school he didn't go to, forcing art to talk to people, guiding him on how to do so. sometimes with patrick feeding him information and things to say, it felt like the people he talked to were more of patrick's than his.

you were the first one who felt like his. he had met you at a party that he didn't go to with patrick. in fact he didn't even tell patrick about you until after he asked you out. he did this all on his own. you were also the only relationship that had ever gone anywhere besides a first date and kiss at the end of the night if he was lucky.

you were in his dorm, making out on his bed, sat up on your knees, next to him, tilting your head down to kiss him. this happened very often, but it never seemed to lead anywhere, he always had some work to do, or something for tennis to be at. you knew he was lying but couldn't quite understand why.

this particular time he seemed to be letting it go on longer than others, his hands wandered down your waist to your hips. you pull back slightly and move to put a hand on his thigh, but stop when you feel something plush. you pull back all the way, realizing that he has a pillow in his lap.

you laugh and he returns with a chuckle, his far more nervous than yours. "sorry," he breathes.

"it's okay. are you nervous?" you rest a hand on this pillow.

"yeah... sorry," he looks away as he speaks.

"do you not want to..." you trail off.

"no! no i do! i just..." now he's trailing off.

"we don't have to do anything you don't want to," you reassure.

"okay yeah... i mean i really want to... i'm just nervous," he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again.

"why don't you let me take this," you tug at the pillow and he allows it. you remove the pillow from his lap and notice how he's tenting in his black tennis shorts.

you kiss him again to distract him, placing a hand on his thigh to hopefully help calm his nerves. he jolts when your hand meets his thigh, not your intended reaction. you push your tongue past his lips, intruding in on his mouth as his does the same to yours.

you move to sit on his lap while he's distracted in the kiss. he reacts instinctively, pushing his hips up into yours and groaning into your mouth. you swallow his moans and return with a few of your own.

he pulls back, "i've never done this before," he blurts.

"never done what?" you reposition yourself, away from his cock, straining through the think material of his shorts.

"i'm like... i'm a virgin," his eyes can't seem to meet yours, his hands suddenly fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"that's okay... what have you done before?" you try to keep your voice sweet and sincere.

"really nothing... just hmm. just making out." he still can't meet yours eyes.

"we can start real slow of you want," you bring your hand down to rest on his thigh, next to his crotch. you're trying your best to keep your voice light hearted and calm, hiding the fact that you want to tear him apart and eat him alive.

"yeah... i'm really hard," he laughs at his own sentence. is he high? you think to yourself. surely not, you've been with him all day. he's just that out of it from a simple touch.

"okay, you wanna take these off?" you look down to where your fingers are hooked on the elastic of his shorts. he lifts his hips, and you lift yours in turn so that he can shimmy out of them. "yeah boxers too, good job." he's feeling exposed and embarrassed all of a sudden as he tries to tug his shirt down, even though he just purposely exposed himself. "can i touch you?" and boy do you want to do more than touch him. this is a mouth watering, jaw clenching, pussy throbbing sight.

"please," he sighs, his hands gripping at your thighs, trying to ground himself. he feels like if he doesn't hold on, he might drift out the slightly open window of his dorm, into the sky and away forever. you spit on your hand and bring it down to his cock, gently wrapping around the base. he shudders and closes his eyes, he's trying so fucking hard to last more than a stroke. you begin gentle, loose handed, slow. his hips are immediately.

"oh fuck... your hands so soft... feels better." he's so out of it. his eyes are squeezed shut and he's bucking into your loose grasp, body all tense.

"better than what?" you wonder out loud.

"better than my hand, so much better," his hands are gripping tightly at your thighs, rolling the plush flesh in between his fingers and thumbs.

"yeah? you want me to go faster?" you smile at him. he nods. "why don't you open your eyes and look at me hm?" you're voice has a sweetness to it that you didn't even know you had.

his eyes snap open and they're filled with desperation. "mm feels good," his head rolls back and hits the wall. you speed up and his body only jolts more. he's desperately rocking his hips up into your hand. any thought he had before of not wanting to finish early has gone out the window, now he's only chasing pleasure, pure primal instinct. you grip onto his cock tighter, bringing your other hand to play with his tip, fingers dancing around the redish-pink area in circles. it's like you know exactly how to drive him insane, how to touch him just how he needs you to.

"you close artie?" you whisper, kissing his neck.

"so close, so fucking close, gonna cum," he stutters out. you can barely make sense of his words.

"it's okay, you can cum," and with that you grab his balls, giving them a light squeeze, tracing the seam with your thumb.

he's cumming in an instant, all over. your hands, your wrist, his chest, his thighs, dripping down to his balls, you name it. it's everywhere.

"fuck 'm sorry, i meant to... i meant too." the clarity is hitting but at the same time he's never felt so good in his entire fucking life. not even close to that. he can't speak properly and he's still twitching all over.

"i wanted to last longer" he shudders, moving you off of him and pulling up his shorts.

"it's okay artie, you did real good." you smile, cupping his cheek with one hand.

he blushes, embarrassed, but melts into your touch.

[namgyunation]

i'm rlly interested in your take on this because your nam-gyu meta posts are amazing, i find myself nodding profusely the entire time i read them lmao i was wondering if you think nam-gyu would ever let his gf or situationship see him cry? and what would make him cry?

sorry for the late response!!!

and ahhhhh thank you <3 :]]] i have soooo many thoughts about his stupid ass 🙂‍↕️ i have way too much fun looking too deeply into the small, nonexistent scraps that we were given in the show LMAO

one thing that i think is clear about nam-gyu's character as he's presented in the show is that he hatesss being seen as weak or being associated with weak people, scared that it might reflect back on him. it always seems like he's overcompensating to look stronger (joining in on the fight with thanos when they had mg coin on the floor even though... he looks like he barely knows wtf he's doing and he ??? falls??? myung-gi was already on the ground 😭), lecturing min-su and trying to reaffirm to himself and others that he was strong before the pentathlon to 'not fear death' even though he was literally just as fucking scared and shaking and had to take a pill to calm himself lmao, and then referring to the other players as "cockroaches" after the pentathlon and trying to exert himself over min-su for no reason at all (and then we even got to see that nam-gyu was the only other person besides min-su that didn't get their game done on the first try lol...)

he seems so emotionally constipated, repressed, and terribly insecure about how he's perceived by others, that i just don't see him ever wanting anyone to see him cry, especially not a situationship / girlfriend / partner.

i honestly don't even see him being the type to even let himself cry. tbh, i get some vibes of toxic masculinity in the way he acts, since he's shown to be desperate to control / exert himself over others using aggression and intimidation, as well as how often he feels the need to suppress his "bad" emotions (fear, sadness, insecurity) and come off as confident and strong. this is straying to my own headcanons here but idkkk he just seems like the type of guy to believe in some bullshit like 'crying = weak', preferring to just bottle everything up and pretend it doesn't affect him. he seems like the least vulnerable guy ever.

then, if his partner were to ever see him in a vulnerable state, i think he'd be horrified and reject any attempt at comfort / connection. he seems like the type of guy to hate the idea of someone pitying him. i think he'd just want to be alone and deny it / shut it down immediately if you tried to bring it up after the fact

bro is barely even honest with himself. i don't see him being honest with anyone else, either. no guy that acts like that has good emotional regulation or is in touch with his feelings lmfao

he seems like he'd rarely ever let himself cry in front of someone. i think he'd rather mask it with anger, if anything. and if he did let it slip and let you see him cry, he'd definitely be furious with himself

when thanos died in the show, he was very obviously upset, and idk, watching the closest thing you have to a friend—in a game where you've nearly died three times—bleed out in front of you seems like... a pretty valid reason to cry, imo! and even then he denies feeling upset, pretends he doesn't care at all, and just takes the pills in an attempt to ease his mind.

though, i think if he were without the comfort of the pills, he would've actually cried, or at the very least teared up.

i think to get him to actually cry, it'd likely have to be over something big with the right conditions, like him being alone or with little to no distractions.

death

so, death, for one. we already saw him get close with thanos's death. i could see him losing it over the death of a family member or a close friend

(headcanon here, but i don't think he had the best relationship with his family when growing up. like, look at how he behaves. hence why he's so insecure and desperate for attention / someone to latch onto in the events of s2. despite this, i think he'd still yearn for their attention / approval, and the death of a family member would kind of cement the fact that he no longer has the chance to impress them / prove to them that he's special or worthwhile. he seems very hung up on gaining the respect of those that look down on him, eg. thanos)

though, i could see him still trying to pretend he's above crying and play it up in front of other people, acting as if he just grieves differently. though when he's alone with no one to perform for, that's when he'd really cry. i could see him being mad about it the whole time, though, laughing / yelling at himself and trying to pretend that there's not tears coming out of his eyes. i don't think he'd want to admit to even himself how much he's affected by it. he'd put off the grief and try to keep going about his life until it caught up to him one day and hit him full force

abandonment

bro seems starved of any and all forms of love and attention. i could see him having a pretty deep fear of abandonment. in the show, he seems very hesitant, timid, and unsure when he's on his own, always following someone and waiting for them to take the lead on things / be there to back him up before he does anything. he does nottt strike me as someone who's independent, capable of making his own decisions confidently, or operating without the validation of others.

if he were to be abandoned / given up on by someone he cares about (whether they respect him or are genuinely good to him or not), i could see this being another thing that pushes him to the edge and makes him cry. he seems like the type to desperately try to avoid / deny his need for affection, but if he's truly abandoned (especially after swallowing his pride and trying to keep someone in his life), it'd act as a constant reminder of his overwhelming desire to be loved to the point where he can't keep avoiding it, though he'd once again try to mask his tears with anger and try to convince himself that he didn't gaf about said person to begin with

from a romantic standpoint, i could definitely see him going especially apeshit over a romantic partner that decides to leave him, especially since said romantic partner is likely one of the few people in his life he's allowed himself to depend on and display some level of vulnerability with. based on how he acts in the events of s2, he doesn't seem like he'd be the sweetest or most emotionally mature boyfriend in the world, so it'd probably cause him to spiral, knowing that it was his own issues that led to his relationship ending.

bad trip

considering his substance abuse and the way he acted after thanos died, he most definitely uses drugs as a means of coping and avoiding his emotions so he doesn't have to deal with or acknowledge them. i could see him doing this, having a bad trip, and then coming out the other side feeling like shit and having to grapple with the fact that he's still alone, still bruised from whatever negative experience happened to him, and still right back to where he started emotionally. i don't see him knowing how to deal with his own feelings in a healthier way, so if that coping mechanism fails to make him feel better and forget about things, i could see him crying over that and just feeling worse about himself and the situation once he comes down from it.

insecurity

clearly, nam-gyu has a lot of insecurities and is unsure of himself. he has a specific image that he wants to uphold, and doesn't like when he's called out. if someone were to directly harp on these insecurities, it would definitely set him off. however, he's clearly used to this behavior, as rjw said nam-gyu's been disrespected for basically his whole life, so i think for him to actually cry over it, it'd have to be something that cuts particularly deep and/or is said by someone he perceives to have some sort of importance or agency in his life and how he views himself. for example, a family member or partner expressing their disappointment in him or being embarrassed by him.

ok now to narrow it down to just specifically what would make him cry within the context of a romantic relationship bc i think that's more what you were asking:

being abandoned for real; knowing that it's his fault and that he pushed you past a breaking point and it's completely out of his hands whether you come back or not

jealousy; feeling like you genuinely like someone better than him or would actually leave him for them, especially if it's someone more 'successful', 'normal', and well-adjusted, with a better relationship with their family. things that he's not and doesn't have. i could see him imagining what it'd be like if you were to be with them instead, and how much easier and more 'acceptable' your life would be without him. he seems like he would never admit this while sober but would become more open about it when he's on drugs and being unable to stop himself from crying / showing you how much it affects him

after a particularly bad / intense fight, especially if either you or him threw some harsh words at each other. though, he'd wait til he was alone to cry

feeling like he's disappointed you or has done something that has altered your relationship forever, something that he can't come back from or fully fix / gain your trust back no matter how hard he tries or what he does (eg. maybe if he stole your money for drugs, lost your money by investing it into crypto lol, made a bad impression on your parents / family because he couldn't control himself)

anywayssss YEAH. thank u so much for enjoying my nam-gyu meta posts... i'm crazy but i am free.

[acti-veg]

Hi! So uh, first of all I just wanted to say thank you for everything you do :) your book and your blog were some of the main things that even made me go vegan in the first place and I still learn a lot from your articles and posts!! You’re an amazing activist! Seeing people like you restores my faith in humanity tbh so thank you again so so much 💗

Anyway, I’m writing this ask because I’ve been struggling a lot emotionally as a vegan and I feel like I need advice from someone more experienced. I know you must spend a lot of time interacting with carnists when advocating for veganism. You’ve been doing this for years and still you’re going strong, so I just wonder how you manage to stay positive and not get too hurt in the process…

My problem is that whenever I see animal products or hear people spreading carnist views I react overly strongly. Often, I almost feel physical pain and can’t bring myself to interact with those people, it just hurts so much. Animal cruelty is everywhere and it feels like I can’t do anything about it. It’s heartbreaking, horrifying, depressing, and the worst part is how normalised it is.

It feels like there’s no escape. Somehow I can’t go outside without walking past a meat market, I can’t cook for myself without seeing a chicken corpse in the fridge, I can’t even play a video game without seeing images of animal products, etc... All these things are supposed to be normal, but they’re just so distressing to me. What makes me feel especially horrible is seeing/hearing anti-vegans spreading misinformation and such. I feel like if I see another post saying that "leather is good and sustainable actually" I’m going to explode. Is it just me or are other people that affected as well?

This would probably be easier to deal with if I had an ethical vegan friend or two who’d understand how I feel, but I don’t have any. I live with four carnists and even my partner apparently hates vegans (tried to tell them about my feelings and they got personally offended). And I know there’s a big community of vegan people out there, but there’s not nearly enough of us and I still feel so isolated and alone in my experiences.

I’m so sorry for venting. What I meant to ask is, do you ever feel like that? Is there anything that can help me not feel depressed whenever I see animal products? And thank you so much again for doing what you do. You are truly a wonderful person and I hope life treats you well <3

Thank you for the kind words, I’m so glad my blog had an impact on you!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having such a bad time of it, I wish I could say that this isn’t common but I’ve had dozens of asks like this one. I firmly believe that going vegan is an extremely positive decision, but there are negatives that come from knowing what we know, and trying to exist in a society that is built on the backs of exploited animals. We have all felt like this, myself included.

Honestly, it sounds like you may consuming a bit too much vegan content, or possibly spending too much time engaging wifh and thinking about veganism specifically. Do you have any hobbies that help relax and distract you? Reading, gaming, exercise? I find all of these really helpful for clearing my head, especially exercise. There is such a thing as overexposure for vegans, and I’ve definitely been there myself.

What helps me most is trying to focus on the positive side of being vegan. Follow more positive content like sanctuaries, rescue centres, recipe creators, plant-based fitness blogs - whatever makes you happy. Avoid engaging with upsetting content, that includes graphic footage of any kind, anti-vegan content, debates and arguments. Create a little bubble for yourself that you can escape in, even if that means having seperate accounts for when you’re feeling this way and just want some escapism.

Try and visit an animal sanctuary, even if you have to make this a long term goal if there isn’t one that is accessible to you. I can’t describe how helpful this is an experience, to remember who this is all about and the fact that not all animals are suffering and unhappy. Seeing wild animals in their natural habitat can achieve the same thing.

For me, the best balm to this sort of feeling is activism. It is a big part of why I do this, it isn’t all altruistic. Turning some people of that negative towards something positive can help you feel much less helpless. See if there are any animal rights groups in your area (you’d also make vegan friends) but if not, try doing some of your own work, even if that is just online, signing/making petitions, blogging, letter writing - whatever you can do.

I’d also recommend this talk from Melanie Joy about activist burnout, which something close to what you’re experiencing, and she has some really helpful advice. That pain and disconnect from others will always be there, but I hope you manage to find some tools for coping with it that work for you, that is really all any of us can do. Take care of yourself, anon!

[snow-white-sanctuary]

Well, I was gonna participate earlier but got distracted xD

We are a married couple and he's a Russian special force's soldier. As you can see he's very scary looking and silent, things that make people generally scared or annoyed, but he's got a really soft spot for me uwu he's the most caring and loving husband, and prefers to be rather reserved about our affection and relationship (mostly because he's afraid that being related to him may make me a target, and also just because he's a private person).

He doesn't like talking very much so we learned to communicate mainly through other means, but as we know each other for a long time already, we know what the other wants or needs even before the other communicates it xD

We both like quiet and intimate places to spend time together, doing thing like admiring the scenery and each other's company ❤️ He's also very protective of me, bordering posessiveness often, but it's more because he doesn't like people annoying me than out of jealousy.

...Also we both like spicy time very very much uwu

I hope this is enough for you to work with xD And sorry if it's much gush xD

Reblog with your favorite image of your F/O, a small blurb about your selfship, and you and/or your F/O's likes and dislikes, and I'll assign you a date with an explanation as to why I chose them!

current status: open.

[dittolicous]

my writing sin is that i want to insert funny background events into every scene because my brain interprets imagined visuals into words, so written scenes end up cluttered or hanging too long on pointless/inconsequential interactions that would have been an out-of-focus background event while the main plot happens in the foreground had it been in a visual format

imagination of an artist, but only the ability to write to get them out v_v

[sweet-star-cookie]

if you were to drop cassie + the zodiacs into a human/modern AU (an AU where all the zodiacs and constellations were humanized and there is no magic in the universe), what jobs do you think they would do? what would their new human names be? would their dynamics change as a result of the lack of magic and the trauma that comes along with it? and what do you think flicker's normal animal equivalent would be?

(definitely not related to a christmas special i'm cooking up nooope no frenzied AU writing here)

Oooooooh? 👀 Whatever you've got cooking, I'm very excited :D You know it's funny, now that I think about it I've done a lot more speculating about humanization/AU stuff for this set of characters than even I remembered initially, haha! The upside is that means I actually have some stuff to give you :D Of course I don't consider any of this to be "canon" even in an AU sense, as the ideas here are pretty spur-of-the-moment overall and I would need to develop them more if I were to ever make an actual AU story myself. Some of these I've never thought about prior to now, so it is by no means complete in terms of info, but I hope it helps!

With that in mind, don't feel restricted by what I give you here, if you come up with something different for these characters that you want to write about, go for it! Feel free to play around and have fun ^_^ Alright, on to the (very long) answers!

I'll start with the Flicker question, since that'll have the shortest answer comparatively! When figuring out their size in the main story I have compared them to a small kitten before. Considering they can fit in the palm of Cassie's hand most of the time too, something in the rodent family might be more suitable here. Given their stubby limbs, small paws/feet and round body, a hamster comes to mind for me (though I'm biased because I grew up with pet hamsters, haha).

As for Cassie and the zodiac, it would depend on what setting/context this takes place in to determine how they meet and interact with each other, and what dynamics they'd make or keep from their original counterparts, including what part of the world they/their theoretical ancestors are from. Are they all somehow in Cassie's town, or are they all somewhere else? How Cassie would meet them would obviously be very different too, and depending on their occupations she'd be less likely to meet some than others, but of course you can find ways to bring them together anyway.

Since there are nearly infinite options to answer the question of setting, I'll instead give you some general ideas for their possible occupations and such and you can go from there! Some of the "jobs" the adult zodiacs have on the Astral Plane do translate pretty easily to regular Earth occupations, but again you don't have to stick to those if you don't want to. Same with the names, I only have some that came to mind or that I've had previously so feel free to make some up for yourself!

------ ARIES

Possible Occupation: I could see him as a gym trainer or something, the kind that may yell a lot but that actually works for people who are motivated by that kind of intensity, and he genuinely cares about the health/strength goals of the patrons with great passion as well. Perhaps he's still underestimated for his size/height but is able to prove himself with his strength anyway, and thus everyone at the gym respects him. What's funny is Aries actually used to be half-human in canon! Here's the old concept art from around 2016, if that helps at all:

The only reason I eventually changed him was to balance out the cast a bit more variety wise, as Leo was the only anthropomorphic animal zodiac character at the time. This is the same reason I changed Capricorn to be anthropomorphic as well, though in his case I felt it also strengthened his concept as the "sea goat" a lot more easily that way.

Possible Name: For some reason any variant of Aaron comes to mind, I'm assuming because it matches with the "ar" syllable in Aries (though that may also be me thinking about Aran Ryan, the stereotypical unhinged/angry Irishman character from Punch-Out lol)

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: (If you're including them too) I'd imagine that Perseus would be a rather anxious member at the gym that takes a lot of effort to motivate properly, but Aries sees potential in him and sees it through anyway. Either that or he simply wants to help out with other things around the gym to build up his confidence more. He's young, so maybe it's his very first job or something, and a challenge for Aries to learn how to train someone who doesn't match his own demeanour very much at all.

------ TAURUS

Possible Occupation: I can see her as some kind of animal rescue operator or a park ranger that's focused on areas with protected species. A zookeeper could work well too, she'd definitely be one that would be excited and energetic when giving tours and facts about the animals because she loves them so much.

Possible Name: One that I have in my old "what if" notes is Tori Dellman (I don't remember why lol)

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: Wherever Orion would be in his original character arc could determine their relationship here, like maybe he's still a hunter/poacher that Taurus has to deal with but eventually befriends, or he is a fellow park ranger/animal rescuer/zookeeper.

Coincidentally, at the time of writing this I am finishing up Part 2 of Orion's updated reference sheet that shows his human form prior to his deer transformation, so stay tuned for that soon :D

------ GEMINI & LEO (Putting these two together since they're the children of the zodiac cast and thus wouldn't have set jobs/aspirations like the adults do)

Possible Names: The Gemini twins could theoretically keep their original names (Solana and Luna) but there are a bunch of other names that mean sun/moon that you could use if you want to keep that duality theme but in a subtler way.

Same with Leo, there are a bunch of names that mean "lion" that you could use (though that already includes Leo itself, of course).

Relationship with Zodiac Companions: I feel like this would also be determined by what dynamic they have with their guardians/parental figures (Sagittarius and Cancer) and if they're adopted as their children or not. This would extend to their companions as well, as I consider Leo Minor to be Leo's little brother in canon and that could be the same here. Auriga could be an older sister to the Gemini twins in turn, though I could also see her as a camp counsellor or some other kind of teenage volunteer on a school trip or something.

------ CANCER

Possible Occupation: Her giant claw cannons that can shoot water and her strong build make me think she could work well as a fire fighter, the kind that isn't weighed down by her gear very much and doesn't mind leaping into danger multiple times if necessary, still keeping that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ kind of attitude when it comes to her own safety.

Possible Name: The only name I have for her in my notes is Maura Kinloch, though this was a relic from a very, very old lore draft where it's implied that her incarnation of her constellation has been around for literal centuries, further implying that she was the only one of the armour clad characters on the Astral Plane who actually lived as a knight during the medieval times on Earth (make of that what you will lmao)

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: This would again depend on how you interpret Hydra/Hydrus and their relationship with her, though you don't necessarily have to humanize every single one of the animal characters either. Considering their constellations are defined as "the water snakes" you could also have them be her pets, either as snakes or some other kind of reptile/amphibian.

------ VIRGO

Possible Occupation: Considering her Lady Justice themeing in canon, she could have a similar job in a courtroom, though which one she has is up to you. A judge or attorney might be most fitting, but she could also be an investigator or detective as well.

Possible Name: Not sure, sorry ^^' Whenever I need to think of AU names I usually either pick a name that has a meaning adjacent to their original concept, or one that phonetically sounds similar/has some of the same syllables as their canon name to tie them together.

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: Given Corvus's status as a former thief/delinquent in canon, you could use that in the AU and whatever job Virgo has could determine what relationship they have. Perhaps Corvus is a part of a case she's working on as a suspect and she needs to prove his guilt/innocence, or he's the classic "help us out now and we'll reduce your sentence" kind of thing, perhaps acting as a sort of double agent.

------ LIBRA

Possible Occupation: I picture her keeping her job as a librarian/archivist, though how high up the "ladder" she is in terms of that occupation is up to you, and whether or not museum experience is included is a possibility as well. If you want to connect her AU part to Virgo's to match canon, she could also be either a fellow attorney/judge, or the stenographer (the person who transcribes what is said in a courtroom). They could always just be friends outside of their respective jobs too, though.

Possible Name: Elise, from my old notes. Not sure if I picked this one because they both have L in their spellings but I like it. :)

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: Lupus would still be some kind of assistant to Libra I think, regardless of what occupation either of them has. Similar to Scutum (see below!) I actually have a drawing of him as a human, though it's not finished yet:

I had fun with this one :D Though he appears a lot younger as a wolf, he's actually a young adult in terms of age. ------ SCORPIO

Possible Occupation: This is one I actually have a slightly more fleshed out AU idea for, believe it or not! I pictured Scorpio as some kind of secret agent/spy or maybe even a trained assassin or bounty hunter depending on whether he actually has a body count in this AU or not. Perhaps he's caught up in a conspiracy or plot where he realizes he's on the wrong side of it all with what he has been assigned, and has to pivot to save the victim(s) despite the extreme danger in doing so.

If you want a more "pedestrian" angle for the AU though, he could just be the type of guy who tries his best to get by with whoever will hire him, but somehow keeps finding trouble or having trouble find him. Maybe he was categorized as a delinquent in his youth because of his suspiciously adept knife skills, rightfully or otherwise, leading to his characteristic brooding pessimism even after he became a young adult.

If Virgo/Libra are still tied to the justice system in this hypothetical, I think it would be funny if Scorpio was truthfully just a regular guy, but one that constantly gets roped into ridiculous situations through no fault of his own. So once they get him on the stand and they look at him like "...again?" he's just like "for the love of god it's not me this time-"

Apparently I cannot give him a break even in an AU, sorry bud xD

Possible Name: To match his occupation, it's likely that his real name is unknown/redacted and he uses Agent Scorpio/Scorpius as a code name or alias instead. Not sure what his name would be in an otherwise normal situation though, maybe he has to keep changing it to avoid whatever trouble keeps finding him.

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: In sharp contrast to Scorpio, Scutum is a paramedic with a big heart and chipper attitude, the kind that may not follow the rules all the time but is always riding off on his Moped with his medical bag to save a life somewhere. If he arrives on the scene on time, he has a tendency to put himself between a victim and the assailant's weapon to protect them, earning him his nickname. I've actually drawn this version of him too :D

(this is still one of my favourite designs to date, heehee :'D )

Despite their opposing occupations, he and Scorpio end up working together a lot more than either of them expected. As a paramedic, Scutum has the MO of "everyone deserves rescuing", including trained assassins in this case! To him it doesn't matter who they are, a patient is a patient. ------ SAGITTARIUS

Possible Occupation: For some reason I picture him as an outdoorsman, like a hiker or survivalist or something. I think it would be funny if, even when fully human in this AU, he is still mistaken for a bear in the woods from a distance because of his hair and stocky build. Whether he practices archery as a job or simply a hobby is another thing as well, as that could factor into his survival skills or perhaps he competes in tournaments with it.

Possible Name: I have Argus or Darius as a first name here, and considering the Scottish inspiration for his canon design you could give him a Scottish surname as well if you like.

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: If you want to keep Centaurus's insatiable desire to explore, you could have him be a companion on Sagittarius's hikes or a survivalist-in-training. He might want to partake in some spelunking as well if the area in question has caves. Even in canon Centaurus's name is often shortened to Rus, so you could use that here as a short form of Russell.

------ CAPRICORN

Possible Occupation: I think he'd be a well-to-do patron of the arts, likely still an owner or an otherwise staunch financial supporter of a theatre, big or small. Whether he is/was an actor or is simply a performing arts enthusiast is up to you, but I think his refined taste and penchant for the extravagant would still shine through in his demeanour, clothing and possessions. Whether he and Aries are still brothers here is up to you too, though the contrast in their occupations might make for an amusing dynamic, as Capricorn in this AU likely wouldn't lay a finger on a weight even if his life depended on it.

Possible Name: Quentin Armanis, Noctus Finch, or Atticus Strombold (I'm really good at coming up with fancy names I guess lmao)

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: I think Pegasus and her siblings would still be in the performing arts here, though depending on the setting, how they and Capricorn meet might be different. Perhaps Capricorn has a more hidden altruistic side where he supports young and/or indie theatre efforts in addition to the larger ones, but all on the down-low for the sake of whatever reputation he's trying to keep.

------ AQUARIUS

Possible Occupation: I can see her keeping her fashion designer/hair stylist angle here, but how "high profile" she is in this regard could vary in the AU depending on her goals/passions. Regardless of whether her and Pisces are still married in this AU, I could see Pisces becoming at least a muse for Aquarius's designs if nothing else.

Possible Name: Odessa, or some other fancy name that a fashion designer would have.

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: Similar to their initial rivalry in canon, Aquila could be a rival of hers in the fashion world as well, perhaps even "fighting" with similar clothing styles and motifs to see who can do it better. Whether they patch things up or continue the drama would remain to be seen!

------ PISCES

Possible Occupation: For some reason I see her going in a lot of potential directions. She could work at a spa, an aquarium, or maybe she'd be a swimming instructor/competitive swimmer, all options to keep her water/fish theme. Whether or not her and Aquarius are married in this AU may alter one or both of their occupations as well.

Possible Name: Cherise, perhaps to match her predominantly pink/red colours in canon and cheerful personality. Depending on her occupation, I can see others calling her "Miss Cherry" as a nickname (the word cherry derives from cherise, and cerise is French for cherry).

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: This also depends on how you'd approach Austri in this AU, as even if she's still a circus performer like she is/was in canon, how she and Pisces meet would likely be very different regardless. They don't necessarily have to be connected outside of meeting each other at some point though. I could see Pisces simply knowing Austri for being a performer at the aforementioned circus or even as a mute comedian that specializes in physical comedy instead of verbal. Considering Austri's canon connections to Capricorn as well, perhaps they know each other through association that way.

------ OPHIUCHUS

(Including him too because he's sort of the 13th zodiac and it would feel wrong to exclude him considering how important he is to canon lol) Possible Occupation: Considering he's a healer in canon, I'd imagine him being in the medical field would be appropriate, especially since the caduceus (a symbol associated with Ophiuchus and traditionally represents healing) is still used as a medical symbol today. Depending on what you wish to do with Scorpio/Scutum's part of the AU, you could have them be connected (for better or worse!)

Possible Name: No idea, sorry ^^' It could be similarly long/complicated as his constellation name, and maybe has a degree of unintentional intimidation to it. For me at least, the name Ophiuchus always felt very grandiose even if my character with that name is of a more humble nature comparatively, so you could play around with that depending on what angle you wish to take with his character's personality/goals in this AU. Is he still considered an antagonist here, or something else entirely?

Relationship with Zodiac Companion: A similar situation to Cancer where you don't necessarily have to humanize Serpens and Cetus and could make them pet snakes, though having them be Ophiuchus's assistants at his medical practice could also work well too, since that's basically what they do in canon (and the caduceus imagery often includes two snakes already).

[sailforvalinor]

…well, turns out changing to a Jo pfp is fitting in more ways than one.