#so that's what i did today

[stevie-kun]

day fourteen: ineffable husbands (again)

[taimanzano]

One of one. One, alone, one.

[hinamie]

some quick jjk eye paintings

[bacchuschucklefuck]

summer of junior year 06/11

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[balimaria]

one day, I will set this right

[starwarjotta]

looking for someone on Tatooine

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

Bills attempt of manipulating Stan via Alex Hirsch

Alex talking about scrapped idea of Bill attempting to make a deal with Stan^^^

[justarandomart]

its him! the bastard shape!

[wttcsms]

kageyama is the type of person who falls in love and starts practicing casual intimacy with you, but he never establishes the fact that the two of you are in a relationship. he just assumes that you two are, and he figures that if you’re receptive to his actions, then obviously you must also agree that you two are dating. it’s why he’s so confused on your confusion when he’s texting you, and in the middle of casual conversation, he just asks “oh by the way, did you eat today?” it makes you pause because that was not what the conversation was about at all. lately, kageyama doesn’t treat you like a friend with benefits. when you got locked out of your second floor apartment, he’s the one you called to break into it; no situationship who doesn’t care about you would commit breaking and entering in broad daylight, especially since you definitely weren’t any help. and he didn’t even get mad at you when after he did manage to break in, you remembered you left your key in your back pocket. instead, he was more upset over the fact that you don’t lock your windows (he proceeds to lock them for you; every time he comes over, he checks to make sure they stay locked for your safety. if he can scale the building, some desperate creep can too). he blows on your food to cool it down when you get too excited to eat. he keeps your preferred shampoo and conditioner in a value size bottle inside of his shower for when you spend the night. add all of this along with his random question of did you eat today, it’s no wonder why you reply back “kageyama, what are we?”

three dots appear and a second later,

“we’re dating.”

well, you might as well be. the next time you see him in person, you tell him that he should at least ask about these things first. so he does formally ask you to be his girlfriend, and his first request as your official boyfriend is for you to change his contact name to tobio, not kageyama. the heart you add after it makes the cutest blush appear on your boyfriend’s cheeks.

[spoopdeedoop]

something about fire and starlight

[pancakemolybdenum]

2015 called, it wants its cloudball back. redrawing things yet again.....

original here

dress design by @rumminov

[pokytoad]

photo of a REAL BILLBOARD that my best friend sent me on their daily commute, in case anyone needs money-laundering advice you know who to call

[hinamie]

7/3: pov u r nanami kento pleased that i managed to pull smth together in time for your bday

[xxplastic-cubexx]

cherik as that one pink nightgown and blue pajamas holding a candle picture

this is so rushed but like. but like i see the vision and i needed to share it with all of you ok. pov you got caught raiding the fridge at 3AM

[peach-sea]

Cringetober Day 1. Screenshot Redraw

inspired by this early eah scene where raven "lets her bad side out" playing guitar and my cousin and I go "apple's probably losing it" and then they cut to her and she's making this face ↓