#so that whenever we trans their genders we just end up keeping their names the same

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Sollux: giirl2 love breaking laws

Dove: which law you breaking today then?

Sollux: the physiics one

[magnus-sm-writes]

WIP Re-Intro: Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist

Genre: Literary Fiction, Coming-of-Age | Status: Rewriting | Playlist | Pinterest

Way back in the day—I think on my old account, which I lost the password and the email for—, I wrote a WIP intro for Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist. Looking back, it’s not up to the standards that I hold now, which is a sign that things have changed for the better. Things have also changed since then. 

Lessons in Humanity is my oldest work. This year, it turns ten years old. That’s older than 3/4 of my sister’s kids, older than my relationship, and older than even my own name. It’s crazy to think that I’ve been writing this book for almost half of my life, and crazier still that I keep changing things about it. These are characters I made when I was a lonely, angsty tweenager who was feeling weird things about my gender and place in the world.

The first draft of Lessons in Humanity, which was called We’re All Dead After All, was a disaster of depression that honestly concerns me, looking back at it. I was deeply sad at this time. Things have vastly improved since then, though I still do like a tragic story every now and then.

It’s no longer a story drenched in my own pre-teen depression; it’s a story about growing up and changing. I think that’s what makes it so personal to me; that I’ve been changing things about it as I’ve grown up and changed.

Lessons in Humanity is about Kam Suzuki and his best friend Zach Amsel as they begin their first semester at Miami University (in Oxford, Ohio). While there, Kam has a difficult time adjusting to the change and finds himself crumbling under the weight of some issues he has yet to deal with. 

A more literal way to put it is: Kam experiences the absolute Hell I went through (mentally) when I graduated university.

It’s more of a literary fiction character study than something with a big, overarching plot. Think My Year of Rest and Relaxation literary fiction versus The Secret History literary fiction. Nothing big and grand happens in it. It’s a quiet story about a guy slowly wearing himself into nothing and then building himself back up (with the help of his friends). There’s a romantic subplot that I only ended up adding because it felt natural.

I think what makes Lessons in Humanity so important to me isn’t just that I’ve been working on it for almost half my life. It’s also that, whenever I go through a difficult time of change, I come back to it. Case in point: I’m writing this update right now because, in six weeks, the American branch of my company will lay us all off. Lessons in Humanity brings me comfort when I feel directionless because Kam feels the same way. Dare I call it my comfort work.

As a (likely-autistic) trans guy myself, Kam was me before I was even me. For all the time I’ve been writing him, Kam has been a way to understand myself and the things I felt. Of course he’s like me. 

My biggest hope with this book is that it does for others what it’s been doing for me. I love Lessons in Humanity when I’m feeling unsure and afraid of change. If it can comfort other people in those times—or any other time—, then I consider it to be a success, no matter what. The idea of Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist being someone’s comfort book makes me want to cry.

I haven’t done a full rewrite of Lessons in Humanity since 2020. Since then, I’ve gone to university and gotten (part) of the full experience, and I’m going to add quite a bit of realism to what wasn’t accurate before.

(My husband and I are going to go on a small trip to Oxford, Ohio in October once the layoffs are finished so I can get a little bit of a refresher on the town. I haven’t been in two years, and that was back when I was doing Doordash.)

Kam Suzuki

One of my first ever queer characters, Kam will always hold a dear place in my heart. It’s not that much of a joke when I say that Kam is my self-insert character. When you list out our traits, we look almost the same. And yet, I do take some steps to make Kam a little different from me. I take aspects of people in my life that I love (which I do for all of my characters) that are far different from me and put them in him.

Despite being obsessed with his physical fitness, Kam is someone who doesn’t deal with his problems. He locks them in his chest and lets them claw away at him until he can’t stand it anymore. Unfortunately, that happens to him during the events of Lessons in Humanity. There’s some stuff he’s been holding in for far too long, like his trauma from walking in on his twin brother’s suicide attempt, along with his general hatred of things changing and fear of abandonment. 

Kam’s lifelong dream is to work for NASA. He’s been obsessed with space and science since he was a small child, so of course, he’s a Physics major. He’s also the type of person who works himself to the bone for success. (In this way, we are the same.)

Zach Amsel

Something I love about Zach is that it feels like he’s the other part of me. What Kam didn’t get, it seems like Zach got. Zamsel is the type of indie soft boy that I easily catch crushes for, with my “anxious but slutty bisexual” energy and unruly curly hair.

When it comes to Zamsel, I would just like to say: his playlist is composed of a lot of The Front Bottoms. He’s a sad boy who gets into a lot of bad situations with toxic romantic partners that take advantage of him. While I’ve changed the timeline of a couple relationships of his, the fact that he’s willing to get with almost anyone who shows interest in him is equal parts depressing and frustrating. For both everyone in the novel and myself. 

Bad taste aside, Zamsel is a sweet guy with an incredible competitive streak. He and Kam have been competing with each other for years now, and they still push each other towards success.

Nikki Espinosa-Jasso

Nikki is a Mechanical Engineering student who shares an art class with Kam and Zamsel. She’s a year older and wiser, a bit jaded, and overall, a little abrasive on the surface, but she has a heart of gold. I think we’ve all met a person like her. Her main love languages are acts of service and getting food together.

She’s receiving what is pretty much a total overhaul. Where she used to be a quasi-mother figure to Kam and Zach, I’ve decided to make her a little more feral and a lot less maternal. Nikki needs to be a more interesting person outside of the boys.

Vic Suzuki

Kam’s brother who is still in high school since he didn’t skip a grade when Kam did. When I first created him, he was your typical 2014-era emo, which has now become a 2024 Tiktok alt boy, I guess. Blue hair, lots of piercings, black hoodies under leather jackets, bold tattoos, bisexuality. He was my gender goal when I created him, and honestly, I’m pretty damn close to it right now.

In the past, Vic was depressed to the point of attempting suicide, which Kam walked in on and was traumatized by. Vic doesn’t know this. He’s gotten better since then, and has far better coping mechanisms. Honestly, he has some of the best mental health in the book, which is a huge change from how he was in WADAA. 

He has goals now (that don’t include being dead). Vic is trying to line up a tattoo apprenticeship when he graduates high school. 

Gerard Shimmish

Kicked out of his parent’s house for being gay, Gerard has been living with the Suzuki family for about a year and a half. He’s Vic’s boyfriend and best friend, and a general ray of sunshine. We don’t see as much of Gerard as we did in WADAA, which is a shame. Gerard is a character I pour a lot of my optimism into.

His big thing is helping people. He wants to be a social worker or a psychiatrist. Something where he works with LGBT youth like himself. 

He’s getting some minor character edits to make him a little more interesting, but overall, I think Gerard’s a sweetheart. I might borrow some traits from my husband to give him some more depth.

Tag List

@aritany, @reininginthefirewriting

Ask to be added to the tag list!

[frostops]

i actually get so mad whenever is see the misinfo about poison only being made trans in the north american localization of final fight. shes not even in that release. she and roxy were replaced with men. they werent called men, they were replaced with different characters with different names and different designs. early concept art of poison and roxy is literally labeled newhalf and poisoned was referred to as such in japanese promotional material for other games she appeared in.

it doesnt make any sense to think they were only made trans in the localization. i get that not everyone knows about that but it still drives me insane. poison has never been good rep but by focusing on this you arent even talking about what makes her bad.

akira nishitani's tweets about how them making her trans so they didnt get sued by feminists not only doesnt line up with what we actually know, it just doesnt make sense. feminists in the US in the 80s didnt give a shit about video games. and he ends that thread talking about how easy it is to sue in the US which is an incorrect understanding based on misinfo. he was either just lying, misremembering or both.

people who work at capcom have given inconsistent and wishy-washy answers about poison's gender but they keep writing characters making transphobic comments about her. we dont need an explicit answer from someone who works there now.

[the-ace-with-spades]

Hi again. I know you just wrote a phenomenal response to one of my asks so no pressure at all to answer this one. But I have noticed a lot of transMaverick posts on tumblr recently, and I was wondering if that’s something you vibe with at all. I think they are very cool and an interesting take on a well loved character. Your work monkey child is just so wonderful and moving that it made me curious as to your thoughts on this topic. Also feel free to not respond if you are not comfortable, as I realize this could be a sensitive topic for many people. Thank you so much!!! Hope you are doing well and that you aren’t working too hard. Make sure yo take time to have a break and smell the flowers do to speak.

Oh my, sorry but this might be a bit long as this is such an interesting topic for me...

While I enjoy fics/fanart involving trans Mav, I do not vibe with it that much?? I like it as a concept and I'll always be glad that people are up to interpret/headcanon characters as trans, no matter which characters -- there isn't much trans representation in mainstream media, especially when it comes to transmasc people, with lack of main characters being a major problems, so I definitely take comfort in headcanoning characters as trans in fanwork. I could go on a tangent here about this but the gist is, there's either no rep, very background rep that absolutely doesn't bring anything to the story and feels added as an afterthought, trans rep whose story is told in a way that can be pityable and accommodated to cis audience, and very sad, stereotypical trans rep when you've got the whole dramatic haircutting in front of a mirror, ace bandages, and 'that's not my name, mom' that's not the reality and a major simplification, or we have sob story trans rep that dies at the end. I've written a major assignment about this (curiously, before I came out as trans...) and my point is, fanwork is a form of comfort and rep that we're not getting anywhere else.

I don't vibe with trans Mav as much since my modus operandi in fandoms is primarily staying around canon/canon divergence, so most of the headcanons/ideas I like are close to the reality of the universe of the original media or could take place in it without major changes to the universe. When I write, I try to make it semi-realistic in the same way. Obviously, TG and TG:M disregard some physics laws and have a lot of very improbable things happening in them but socially and historically seem to be the same as our reality.

There's a reason I wrote Bradley coming out later in life in monkey pilot rather than have him come out before NROTC or while in flight training (and it wasn't just because I wanted to write the Jake drama...) - in short, realistically, trans people weren't allowed to be part of armed forces until 2015 (in the US, of course) and they only allowed people who were already in service to return after transition, you couldn't enlist as an openly trans person until a year later (that was iffy too, and more complicated but I won't go into details), and to this day, veterans are fighting to get their VA benefits back as they were taken away if they came out as trans after completing service... Laws regarding trans people were in general more complicated before 2010s (name and gender legal changes, mainly) as well as access to trans healthcare, and coming out as trans wouldn't really be an option (realistically) if one wanted to be part of the military anytime before 2016. Even in the monkey pilot I've taken a large artistic license (gave Ice a bit more power than he would have in reality...) to keep Bradley in the Navy post-transition.

This means there isn't a way for Mav to be openly trans and in the Navy in the 80s while also in service. It's always in the back of my mind whenever I see fanarts or read fics because the sad truth is, that wouldn't be the reality. I know a lot of trans people like to write trans characters in settings and universes with a silent 'transphobia doesn't exist' au and I can see the appeal of that at times but once again, not my modus operandi (with the exception of different job aus, I think?).

I do think that an Icemav fic could be an interesting idea and made realistically if we had Mav closeted and serving in his agab (so, female to the outside world) but slowly coming out to the found family around him (Carole, Goose) without transitioning. This is something that sometimes, undeniably, happens in the trans community -- people don't come out or start the transition process because it's not safe or will severely impact the comfort of their life. There are ways to affirm your identity without coming out in every aspect of your life and Mav might have very well been supported like that by his friends and family as long as he was in service. I imagine that it could create an internal dilemma for both Ice and Mav once they started falling for each other -- Mav, as he'd probably want to come clean, and Ice because he'd have to decide if he would be able to relationship with a guy. I imagine they would live their life as a hetero couple outside their home, and as truly themselves in their own home for the majority of their lives and Mav would transition late in life, at the age of fifty-three, and this is also something so underexplored. You might have noticed that trans Mav art and fics are mostly with him being a twenty-something twink, which, again, is probably more relatable as most fandom people are twenty-something, but it kind of takes away the appeal for me -- I like to find comfort in that despite the struggles and the reality for trans people being bad, there's a happy ending waiting somewhere or with someone.

Different people engage in fandom for different reasons and I totally understand that my point of view may not be the most common one. I'll never say that people shouldn't headcanon/write/draw Mav as trans because, in the end, I don't have to be completely on board to find it enjoyable or to see the value it can bring to others.

I'm sorry if this was a bit long and thank you for the asks - it's so kind of you to send any at all to me. Once again, hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself too 💙

[rikkami]

Just screaming into the void, don't mind me

Spending time with her post breakup has been both extremely miserable and cathartic, its great to know I still have one of my best friends to turn to whenever I need her, but being with her rends my soul apart. Our relationship started as a hookup in my open relationship and lead in to a poly, so even tho we aren't dating anymore, we still sleep in the same bed when im over, we still watch Twin Peaks while cuddling and she keeps teasing me like one would their S/O. Yet she is adamant about also not loving me that way and not feeling any attraction to me anymore. I showed her a picture of me in the dress i bought because I was very happy about looking pretty and her first comment was meh. Which apparently was because the photo was not taken well and not due to me, but of course I'll take it as such initially. She's had to change our plans about seeing each other 3 or 4 times in the past 2 weeks so it feels like she's avoiding me but also doesn't say so when im asking if she's okay and if she wants to see me and she does still keep saying yes. Granted she's also very neurodivergent and has hard time with socializing with people so I know a lot of it is her not understanding tone and social cues. This all on top of the one thing that gives me most body dysphoria: Having been out as a trans woman for a month, and then being broken up on because she's come to terms about being a lesbian. So every time the thought occurs to me that she doesn't love me like the way she initially thought she would, its because she wont see me as a woman, and I'm afraid she never will (which obviously is just an irrational fear). Telling her all this, she said well its the reason we broke up but there were other things she didn't like about me, and she wont tell me what that is and its killing me. We were supposed to meet today but she delayed it to tomorrow, and then delayed our tomorrows meeting to tomorrow evening and not after her work like I initially thought it would have been. Its all just so much, but also I don't think I can be without seeing her for a while because she's the person who I feel like truly understands me. and her calling me by my new name etc gives me gender euphoria like nothing else. In the end, I know I need to move on and just stop thinking about all this because we ain't a thing anymore and just treat her as a friend. But its not easy when she did say its only sexual attraction (and the other things she didn't like which weren't deal breakers if only i knew what they were..) and if with my transition starting at some point she starts feeling those feelings towards me again we could try to start again. I just want to time skip a few years, away from this shitty apartment, away from this part time job, to that happy future I know that awaits me at some point. I just want to be happy again. With her and without her.

[that-disabled-radfem]

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies. 

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch. 

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible. 

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women! 

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays. 

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

[trashbag-baby666]

It was to you I talked about FtM Hunter?

Because I posted something in the ask box of someone, I don't remember who (sorry for spamming if it was you)

So, do you have any headcanons about transmasc Hunter?

(it wasn't a question last time so...)

No I don’t believe we did talk about trans Hunter but I literally adore that concept as a trans man! I also noticed as I was writing on this I’m just projecting on to him. Anon please DM me so we can talk about trans Hunter cause I wanna do an AU with trans Hunter!

•Hunter is already firm and I mean FIRM about being trans. But he has issues with his hair.

•He has easy access to medically transitioning because of his dad but his face still kind of has a feminine face shape because he’s only been on testosterone for a few months.

•So with that he gets dysphoric about his hair. He doesn’t know whether to keep it long. Like he loves it to fit that metal look or if he should cut it to hopefully not get misgendered.

•But Skip ultimately makes the decision for him when he cuts off part of his hair.

•Hunter ends up just shaving off the side and Kevin says it makes him look cool so he leaves it like that.

•Mr. Sylvester still has issues calling Hunter by his name and preferred pronouns. Sometimes calling him by his deadname mostly on accident.

•Hunter gets really hurt whenever that happens but he knows his dad isn’t doing it in spite of him or anything.

•He gets really excited when Kevin says his voice sounds deeper.

•When he notices the settle sight of facial hair he’s so excited. But he decides to stay clean shaven he doesn’t wanna look like his dad.

•Binders are hard man, they hurt if you wear them for more than 8 hours. But Hunter has a hard time not having his on. He gets really gender dysphoric about his chest. But he’s waiting to turn 18 so he can get top surgery.

[snandtnurtle]

All The Bad Kids Are Trans

and you can’t convince me otherwise

First off, Riz. Riz dresses like every transmasc in existence. No cis man walks around wearing a newspaper cap voluntarily. When he first started questioning his gender (which was about age 10 or so) he took about ten different online quizzes in order to compare the results, then decided they weren’t reputable sources and took matters into his own hands in order to scientifically prove his feelings. Finally Sklonda took him aside one day and said “You’re trans, right?” Riz responded with a long ramble about how he hadn’t quite collected all the data and there were still plenty of experiments left to do before asking how she knew. Sklonda replied “you scratched a bunch of different gendered terms into the wall and then rated them all one to five stars. You rated ‘boy’ very high. Do you want to use a different name? Or pronouns? Also, are we out of paper? You need to stop writing on my walls, we rent this apartment.” Penny had figured it out months ago and had been very subtly avoiding calling him anything but “kiddo.”

Adaine came out at thirteen years old, much to the chagrin of her parents. She tried to be assertive about coming out, but also had a panic attack midway through, which made them doubt her confidence. She had prepared a speech and had been using she/her pronouns and the name “Adaine” with her friends for a long time beforehand, just to figure out if she was totally, absolutely sure. Incidentally, she purposefully picked the name Adaine in order to subvert the -wyn pattern that all of the Abernants’ names have. It took her a lot of fighting to get her parents to address her correctly, but, though it didn’t occur to her at the time, Aelwyn never had any issues with it.

Gorgug is that kid who came out when he was like four years old. Wilma and Digby SHOWERED him with love and support from the get-go, and contacted Gorbag and Roz (who were also supportive) to help them think of a name that honored his orc heritage. However, the Thistlespring parents are SO supportive that they sometimes forget that their son is trans, which only heightens his discomfort during their weirdly frequent sex ed conversations. “Mom and dad? Mom and dad. I don’t have anything to ‘wrap up.’” Also, he wears hoodies everywhere. Case closed.

Fig came out at the end of 8th grade, which was..... a tumultuous time. Sandra-Lynn and Gilear are both supportive of their daughter, but because she decided to come out just when her horns were coming in, and they were figuring out the divorce, and Gilear was still trying to process that his daughter wasn’t exactly his daughter, they struggled a bit with the news at first, which only sent Fig further down her identity-crisis-rebellious-phase rabbithole. Gorthalax had been keeping tabs on Fig and knew as soon as she came out. He’s very proud of his daughter, because he may be a demon but he sure as hell (haha) ain’t a transphobe! Everyone assumed she was just a very flamboyant gay boy in middle school. Now she’s a riot grrrl.

Fabian came out when he was still on the pirate ship with his father, and his parents were OVERWHELMINGLY supportive from the get-go. He, of course, left figuring out his name up to his parents again, because who could think of a better name for him than Bill Seacaster? Captain Seacaster, incidentally, sent a panicked letter to Garthy as soon as Fabian came out asking wtf he was supposed to do, to which Garthy responded “just call him your son and use the right pronouns, i suppose, darling.” He took this to heart, and would enthusiastically (some might say overenthusiastically, but not Fabian! Not about his papa!) exclaim that Fabian was his “darling BOY!” whenever he saw him. Of course, they’re far more settled into the reality of things by now, but saying “my darling boy” just became a bit of a habit.

FH:SY finale spoilers below the cut!

Kristen is the only one who did not come out before the events of Fantasy High. In fact, she has yet to come out in canon at all, but I am convinced it is coming. She’s finished her sexuality crisis. She’s in a stable relationship.  ....Except that Tracker has just left for a long trip. Perfect time to have another crisis while your emotional rock is away! I am convinced that Kristen, a religiously traumatized follower of a nonbinary god of mystery and the unknown, cannot NOT be nonbinary and will absolutely have an arc where she comes to terms with her gender and learns to operate and find confidence in herself without Tracker. I’m not sure what pronouns she’ll use, but it’s probably all of them.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

[jasper-pagan-witch]

How... just how many cards are there in that game? But I guess I choose Alesha, who smiles at death because it sounds so poetic. Fey Steed has been a close second though. Seriously, I can't get over how many cards there are.

Hey Lanarion!

Not counting lands and unique prints, at the time of this answer, there are 23,156 Magic: The Gathering cards registered on Scryfall, with many more sets soon to come.

Anyway, let's start with Alesha, Who Smiles at Death. She's our canon trans woman and she chose her name after killing a dragon, naming herself after her grandmother. She also turned a transphobe into a staunch ally in the course of her story. We love to see a girlboss win, and I mean that unironically.

As a card, she is a 3 power, 2 toughness Red First Striker for 3 energy. Whenever she attacks, you can pay 2 White, 2 Black, or a mix of the two colors to return a weaker creature (power 2 or less) from the graveyard to the battlefield tapped and attacking. Her flavor text is a quote of hers, saying "Greet death with sword in hand."

So naturally, I would make her the focus of a spell to ease a trans woman's dysphoria. Since she's a Legendary Creature, I feel safe saying that one would call upon her (treating her as a spirit or archetype) for courage to exist as one's true self and protection from transphobes.

As we've established, I love me some good rocks, but let's play around with plants and other things for this. We really only need one Red energy (so the other two can be generic), so let's go for cactus spines for an offensive protection. For the other two, how about a candle in a gender-affirming color for the dysphoria relief and uhhhh does red pepper for courage make sense? I don't know, I don't use plants. Anyway, a triple-dose of Red energy would be more than enough to fuck up anyone that looks at a trans woman sideways.

Now, let's talk about Fey Steed. This was one of the Elks that made me almost make my Elk deck tri-color (RIP double-Oko, Thief of Crowns; you and your 3/3 Green Elk army will be missed). It's a 4 power, 4 toughness White creature for 4 energy (a double-White with 2 generic). When it attacks, another attacking creature you control becomes Indestructible until end of turn. When a creature or planeswalker you control becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, you have the option to draw a card.

Now, this is a tricky one, because I have trouble with White energy. I've always struggled with it. And I don't want to keep pumping out protection-based stuff, so let's give the Elk a gun.

So someone done fucked with you and your buddies. You may or may not want to harm them, but then you think it would be even funnier to bless everyone around them instead so they're left wondering why their own luck sucks in comparison. So get yourself some kind of deer/elk memorabilia (farm supply stores often have little animal statues, start there), some blessing plants (rosemary? rice? I don't know, I don't do plants, but those are both White-aligned), and you light them fuckers up and wave the animal statue in the smoke. Then you tell your little deer or elk (or delk, or perhaps eer) to go bless everyone around that person but not them, and you put that little toy somewhere safe so it can work in peace. Outside of your house? By a window? Who knows! I don't! I'm a wizard on the internet, I don't live in your house!

So now you've got this little magic animal that's hitting everyone except the jackass with Blessing Bullets. Fuck yeah, Elks.

...I may have gotten a little unhinged in that last section. Anyway have fun with your Elk Gun.

~Jasper

[boydiisaster]

we love you, MC

reader: transmasc gender neutral, they/them pronouns

summary: based off of my post here with a little twist

tw/cw: depression, dysphoria, body image issues

authors note: i wanted to write something kinda for me, so here we are! tho this is mainly for ftm individuals, i tried keeping the pronouns gender neutral for other trans ppl :)

The brothers have noticed your lack of appearance in their every day lives. Where you once sat at the dinner table was now just an empty chair. No one ever saw you emerge from your room anymore. They were starting to worry.

Beelzebub, of course, brought you food every day, (or if he ate it on the way to your room, Satan brought you food.) Sometimes the food would be finished when they walked past your door the next day, empty plate left outside with little crumbs covering the porcelain, but sometimes there would be flies circling around the rotting remains of a human world cheeseburger, or some Devildom cuisine.

Lucifer sits in his study, chewing on the end of one of his fountain pens; a habit he'd like to break. He's supposed to be doing paperwork, like he does every other day, but his mind is stuck on you. It's been weeks since he last saw your face, and he's already starting to forget what you looked like. He knows you have e/c eyes, but what shape were they? You had h/c hair, but what was the texture of it again? There was a scar on your neck, he knows, and it stood out against your s/c skin. But what did your skin feel like?

Mammon paces around inside his room. His white hair is unkempt and his eyes wild. What was he going to do about his human?! You wouldn't even let him in your room anymore, and when he messaged you, you hardly ever replied! The poor demon was so worried about you, but he didn't know how to help. His love language was, go figure, gift giving, but what was he supposed to do when you wouldn't even let him inside for him to give you your gifts?

Leviathan clutches your gaming controller close to his chest and sighs. He's curled up in his bathtub bed, your favorite anime playing in the background as he sulks. The message he sent to you a few hours ago is left on read. He misses you so much. He misses everything about you. Hell, he even misses the way you would rub it in his face whenever you would beat him in a game! He just wishes he could hear your voice again. The way you'd laugh when he'd show you a meme on his phone, your smile after you and Levi completed a level in the game you two were trying to beat together, he just wishes you were okay again. Okay enough to come out of your room and talk to him.

Asmodeus tries filling the void of you with shopping, but that always reminds him of the times the two of you would go shopping together. He spots outfits he'd think you'd love. Lower-level demons pass him, wearing your aesthetic, and he can imagine your bright eyes as you quietly compliment them to Asmo. When Asmo returns home, he'll linger by your door just long enough to hear quiet sniffling from inside. He'll place a hand on your door and call to you, but you don't answer. The sniffling will fall silent. Asmo is loosing sleep worrying about you so much.

Satan will sit by your door and read you stories. He doesn't know if you're listening, but he tries his best to be as interactive with the characters as possible. He'll make hand gestures, do different voices for different characters, he'll even do his best to create the exact sounds that he reads from the book. Whenever he gets tired enough, he'll enclose your bookmark in the book and softly tell you that the two of you will pick up where you left off tomorrow. When he returns to his room, his cats will look for you behind him. One even meows when he can't find you.

"They're busy right now, Moss." Satan picks up the small grey kitten that you named.

Moss meows again.

"I know, Moss. I miss them, too."

Beelzebub will cuddle with the plushie you won him at the local carnival. It's big, one of the grand prizes, and oh so soft. You had noticed Beel looking at it longingly from afar when you proudly proclaimed that you, MC, would win your friend that plushie! It was a giant black chicken, with little devil horns and wings. Beel still doesn't know how you won it, most carnival games are rigged, especially demon carnival games. But as he was talking with Belphie, you came waddling up with that giant chicken wrapped in your arms. Beel couldn't even see your head behind its soft feathers. You looked so proud, so happy. Beel wishes he could see you like that again.

Belphegor sleeps a lot more than usual, which is pretty bad, considering he sleeps half of the day anyways. He's fallen behind on his schoolwork, but he doesn't care. You're more important than schoolwork. You're sad, and you're suffering inside your room alone, and Belphie doesn't know how to help. He wants to do something nice for you, to make up for... that... incident. He wonders if what he did has anything to do with you now, and all he feels is guilt.

Today, after school, Satan gathers everyone in the living room to discuss what to do about you.

"I'm sure we've all noticed the disappearance of MC," he says.

"MC's gone?! I thought they were in their room!" Mammon blinks.

Everyone collectively sighs.

"Anyways," Satan continues. "We need to do something about it."

"They haven't been eating the food I leave out for them recently," Beel hums. "Maybe we should do something with that? Like comfort food?"

"But what's MC's comfort food?" Levi asks.

The brothers all fall silent.

"Maybe we can just cook all of the human world dishes?" Mammon offers.

"There's far too many to do that," Lucifer scowls.

"What does MC always order when we eat out?" Asmo asks Beel. Out of all the brothers, he's the most likely to know.

Beel blinks, thinking. His fiery orange hair tickles Belphie's nose as he shifts under the rest of his brothers' uncomfortable gazes.

"They usually order...."

You sit in your dark room, staring up at the ceiling. A large hoodie clings to your shoulders, the rest of the fabric hanging loosely from your body. The past few weeks have been horrible for you. Unanswered texts from the brothers pile up on your phone. You try reading all of them, but there's just so many, all of them worrying. It makes you feel pitiful. You don't want to be the cause of their worries, but recently you just didn't have the motivation to do anything but lay in bed and cry.

You hated your body. The curves, the femininity, all of it made you sick. You'd pick at parts of your skin, wishing you could just cut it off with scissors, like paper. You hated walking past mirrors, because then you had to see yourself in them. You had even asked Lucifer if he could do away with the mirror in your bathroom because of it.

You wrap your blanket tighter around yourself as you wish for these dreadful feelings to go away. Why couldn't you just look like one of the brothers? Levi looked masculine without even trying- he has abs for days, and all he does is sit in his room and play video games! Why couldn't that be you? Beel ate all he could and never gained any weight. It made you so... so angry! So envious, so jealous of them!

The pact mark on the back of your right hand starts to glow a vibrant orange. It did that whenever you experienced one of the brothers' sins. Levi's seemed to be the only one glowing recently. That and Satan's.

More hot tears start to fall from your eyes. You loved the brothers, all of them! You shouldn't be mad at them for something that isn't their fault. However....

A text rings from your phone. The screen lights up, showing off your lockscreen picture of you and Mammon bothering Lucifer. Well, I guess that's the simple way to put it. The accurate way was this: your lockscreen was Lucifer grabbing Mammon by his foot and dragging him along as he ran after you. Your eyes were filled with terror, yet you were in the middle of laughing. Seeing it made you giggle for once in a long time.

You grab your phone, looking at the text from the groupchat of you and the brothers as you dry your tears.

MC! Stop by the kitchen tonight at 7, okay?!

Mammon.

A text bubble pops up, and soon there's an angry emote sent from Asmo.

Be more gentle with them, idiot!

MC, if you could can you please come to the kitchen at 7 tonight? Beel sends. If not, we can come up to you.

We got a big surprise for you! Levi sends a happy emote after that.

I hope you like it. Satan and I worked really hard on it, Belphie texts.

I worked on the decor. You could tell how proud Lucifer was by that just from his text.

I helped! Mammon sends a frowny face.

Yes, that was obvious whenever I had to redo everything you "helped" with.

Thank you, Mammon, you finally send. All the brothers stop breathing for a second. You were finally talking to them again! Well, Mammon, technically, but still!

See! MC appreciates me!

I'll come down. I don't want you going through any more trouble for me than you already have.

It's no trouble, MC. We love and care about you, Satan replies, and with that, you stop texting, savoring in what Satan just said until it's time for you to meet the brothers downstairs.

You tried taking a shower, but you got as far as washing your hair before your dysphoria kicked in with full force, and you had to go back to your baggy hoodie and sweatpants you stole from Belphie. You shuffle around your dark room, trying to remember if you needed anything. Did they tell you to bring something with you? Maybe you should bring along one of your plushies, just for comfort? You haven't left your room in weeks, this was a big step for you.

You quickly grab Sir Ronaldo, (a demon duck Mammon had bought you), and scurry downstairs as quickly as you can before you could back out of your promise. Your socks almost make you slip on the polished wooden floors, but you manage to balance yourself, clutching Sir Ronaldo tighter to your chest.

You look around, almost hesitantly, before crossing the threshold of the kitchen. The table is set up with elegant decorations, even more elegant than you remember. But silly little yellow party streamers hang from the ceilings and walls, and you smile to yourself, hiding it behind your hand.

Human world food covers the dining room table. The assortment of items are outrageous, ranging from fresh-baked apple pie all the way to those cute Little Debbie's Zebra cakes, which sit in golden colored baskets, along with other sweets, of course.

You look around for the brothers, but there's no sign of them. You decide to check out more of the foods that litter the table. You find that a lot of it are among your favorite comfort foods, and that makes you smile wider than you ever have before. They remembered your comfort foods? How- and why?

"Beel! Stop it- that's for MC!"

A commotion arises in the kitchen. Before you can investigate, Mammon, Asmo, and Levi are dragging a face-stuffed-full-of-food Beelzebub out.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so hungry," Beel looks at his feet.

Levi rolls his eyes, catching sight of you in the process. His face lights up with joy as he shouts your name. He rushes over to you, scooping you up into his arms.

"MC!"

"Levi-"

"I'm so happy so see you again!"

"L-Levi-"

"I missed you so much!"

"Levi, I can't breathe-"

"Oh."

Levi gently puts you back down, only for you to be picked up again by both Mammon and Asmo. Despite them being the shortest brothers, they still managed to be taller than you. Demon sizes were weird.

"MC!" the two of them cheer in unison.

"MC, I'm so glad you came!" Asmo smiles.

"Do you like my decorations, MC?" Mammon blushes. "I tried my best, honest!"

Things were starting to feel a bit overwhelming. You awkwardly smile before asking, in a small voice, to be put back down onto the floor. You were painfully aware of everything that was happening right now. Their breathing, Levi's shuffling, and a countless number of eyes all staring at you. Maybe you should have just stayed in your room...

No. This was good for you! You were finally around people again. Humans need social interaction. This is progress.

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath as the brothers just gaze at you. They didn't mean to stare, but they were just so happy to see you again. They didn't overlook your red eyes and sleepless bags, though.

"You brought the duck I bought you," Mammon whispers. Opening your eyes, you glance at the plushie in your arms.

"Yeah," you nod. "He brings me comfort. I wouldn't be here without him."

"Thank you, duck," Beel smiles warmly.

Beelzebub's smile is the type to brighten any room. It's almost like a spell. All of his smiles were so full of childlike joy. Even the small grins he gives his brothers time to time remind them of the sun.

"Everything is ready. Is MC here yet?"

Everyone looks toward the kitchen. Satan's head peeks out from in between the large doors. His hair is a mess, apron coated in flour and sauce. When his eyes meet yours, a smile spreads across his lips. You give him a small one in return, along with a wave.

"It's good to see you again, MC," Satan says.

"You too, Satan," you reply.

The blond returns to the kitchen for a moment before reopening the large mahogany doors, showing Lucifer and Belphegor arguing between themselves.

Probably about something petty, you think to yourself.

Lucifer meets your tired eyes. He abruptly stops speaking, causing Belphie too, as well. He follows the eldest brother's gaze before his jaw drops.

"MC? You actually came?"

Oh boy. Here we go again. You're forced to deal with more hugs from Belphie and Satan. Beel is the only one to actually ask for one, while Lucifer just looks at you and smiles.

"Are you surprised?!" Mammon grins.

"We tried cooking as many human world recipes as we could," Satan tells you.

"I even express ordered some snacks from the human realm for you!" Levi smiles.

"We all helped out a little bit, some more than others," Lucifer shoots an ice cold glare at Mammon, who hides behind you.

"We tried making some of your comfort foods, as well," Beel adds.

You fidget. No one has ever been this nice to you before. It takes all your strength not to burst into tears right here and now, however you do sniffle a bit. All the brother's eyes widen.

"MC, don't cry!"

"Do you not like the food?"

"Do you need a hug, MC...?"

"Honey, it's okay!"

With Asmo calling you honey, the dam finally breaks. Tears begin to stream down your face. A hiccup passes through your lips as you sob. "I'm so sorry!" you cry. "I'm sorry I've been so distant, I'm sorry I was so angry at you all, I'm so sorry!"

Mammon is the first to pull you into a hug, followed by Asmo, then the rest of the brothers join in until it's just one big group hug. You sob harder into Mammon's shirt as someone rubs your back. You feel so guilty, so overwhelmed with emotions. You felt so angry, yet so sad. So sad, yet so happy. So happy, yet so... awful. You felt awful, terrible, like the shittiest person in all of the three realms. You let a jumble of incoherent words fall from your mouth.

"What was that, MC?" Asmo whispers.

"I was so jealous of you guys! I hated you and how you looked! You all look so masculine, and I don't! So I locked myself away, and made you all worry, and while I was busy being selfish you all never thought about anything else but me! You cooked me my favorite foods and coaxed me out of my room because you cared about me, and I... I-I..."

The words stop flowing. All you can do is cry. Mammon cups your face as you hiccup once more.

"MC, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Us."

Mammon rolls his eyes. "Us," he corrects. "If you were struggling, you could have just said so."

"Especially with body issues," Levi pipes up.

"It's not just that," you sniff. "I'm... I'm...." Your heart pounds. You feel all their eyes on you. What if they don't accept you? What if they hate you because of this? What if-

"I'm trans!"

Silence. No one speaks for a few seconds. Levi is the first one to talk.

"Do you need a binder? I can order you one."

Asmo pulls you from Mammon and grabs your hands. "We can go shopping for masculine clothes for you?"

Mammon pulls you back to him. "I can buy you a pride flag as a gift?"

"Do you want to be put on testosterone?" Satan asks.

"Top and bottom surgery are also options," Lucifer adds.

"We can bake you a pride cake?" Belphie and Beel offer at the same time, and more tears pour from your eyes.

"I need time to think," you mumble, wiping away tears, only for more to take their place. "Oh, you guys!"

You tackle Lucifer, (much to Mammon's dismay), burying your face in his chest and simply crying. Lucifer hugs you and rubs gentle circles into your back.

"We love you, MC," he whispers. "Whatever will make you happy, we'll do. We just want you to be at your best."

You felt at home in the Devildom, right here with the 7 demon brothers. You never wanted to leave.

[a-room-of-my-own]

A while before the latest hoo-ha about Judith Butler, I had just been reading her again. Though she claims her critics have not read her, this simply isn’t the case. I read Gender Trouble when it first came out and it was important at the time . That time was long,long ago. She was just one of the many ‘post-structuralist’ thinkers I was into. I would trip off to see  Luce Irigaray or Derrida whenever they appeared.

I got an interview  with Baudrillard and tried to sell it to The Guardian but they  didn’t know who he was so its fair to say I was fairly immersed in that world of theory.  For a while, I had a part time lecturing job so I had to keep on top of it. Though Butler’s idea of gender as performance was not new , it was interesting.  RuPaul said it so much more clearly in a  quote nicked from  someone else “Honey ,we are born naked, the rest is drag”

What I was looking for again , I guess is not any clarity – her writing is famously and deliberately difficult-  but whether there was ever any sense of the material body. She wrote herself in 2004 “I confess however I am not a very good materialist. Every time I try to write about the body, the writing ends up being about language” . 

Butler from on high ,cannot really think about the body at all which is why they (Butler’s chosen pronoun) are now the high priestess of a particular kind of trans ideology.  The men who worship Butler are not versed in high theory. The fox botherer had a “brain swoon” at some very ordinary things Butler said. Mr Right Side of history nodded along in an interview. Clearly neither of these men are versed in any of this philosophy and would be better off sticking to tax law and the decline of the Labour Party. Butler is simply a totem for them.

Butler said in the Guardian interview for instance  “Gender is an assignment that does not just happen once: it is ongoing. We are assigned a sex at birth and then a slew of expectations follow which continue to “assign” gender to us.”

So yeah? That’s a fairly basic view of the social construction of gender though I take issue with the assigned at birth thing ,which I will come back to and why I started reading her again in the first place.

This phrase “Assigned sex at birth” is now common parlance but simply does not make sense  to me. I am living with someone who is pregnant. I have given birth three times and been a birthing  partner. I know where babies come from. There is a deep disconnect here between language and reality which no amount of academic jargon can obliterate. 

Babies  come from bodies. Not any bodies but bodies that have a uterus. They grew inside a woman’s body until they  get pushed out or dragged out into the world. 

The facts of life that we are now to be liberated from in the form of denial. Only one sex can have babies but we must now somehow not say that. The pregnant “people” of Texas will now be forced into giving birth to children they don’t want because they are simply “host bodies”. The language of patriarchal supremacy and that of some of the trans ideologues is remarkably close, as is their biological ignorance.

There is no foetal heatbeat at six weeks for instance. When a baby is born , doctors and midwives do not randomly assign a sex, they observe it and they do it though genitalia. 

There is a question over a tiny percentage of babies ,less that one percent with DSDs but even then they are sexed with doctors having  difficult conversations with parents about what may happen later.

Somehow, though when I read the way in which this is now all discussed it is clear to me that the people talking have never been pregnant, never had a foetal scan, never been near a birth , never miscarried, do not understand that even with a still birth babies are still sexed and often named. 

If you want to know the sex of your baby you can pay privately and know at 7 weeks ((*49-56 days from the first day of the mother’s last menstrual cycle). A 12 week scan will show it. That is why so many female foetuses are aborted . I have reported on this. 

Talking to paediatricians about this is interesting because they do indeed have to think through these things that we are being told are not real eg. that sex is just a by-product of colonialism for instance.  Sometimes pre-conception , geneticists will be looking at chromosomes because certain diseases are more likely in men or women. Males have a higher risk of haemophilia for instance.  

One doctor told me “When babies are premature, the survival advantage of females over males is well known throughout neonatology. This is sometimes something we talk about with parents when there is threatened premature labour around 23 weeks' gestation and options to discuss about resuscitation and medical interventions. In fertility treatment (or counselling around fertility in the context of medical treatments) it is pretty inherent to know whether we need to plan around sperm, or ova + pregnancy.”

She also said that if she involved in a birth that “assigning” isn’t the word she world use. “Observed genitals a highly reliable observation, just like measuring weight or head circumference which is also done at this time. “ Another doctor said that anyone involved with a trans man giving birth  would be doing the best for the patient in front  of them. 

Sex then is biological fact. A female baby will have all the eggs she will ever have when she is first born which is kind of amazing. It is not bio-essentialist to say that our sexed bodies are different nor is it transphobic to recognise it.

Except of course in my old newspaper ,The Guardian who are now so hamstrung by their  own ideology they have got their knickers in such a twist they can barely walk.  They completely misreported the WiSpa incident , basically ignored the Sonia  Appleby  judgement at the Tavistock. Appleby was a whistle blower ,a respected professional concerned with safe guarding. She won her case. The cherry on the cake this week was an interview with Butler, themselves (?) in which they went on about Terfs being fascists and needing to extend the category of women.

Does anyone EVER stop to think that most gender critical women are of the left, supporters of gay rights, often lesbian and that this is not America? We are not in bed with the far right. This is bollocks. Just another way to dismiss us.  

As we watch Afghanistan and Texas ,to say Butler’s words were tone deaf is to say the least. But they didn’t even have the guts to keep the most offensive stuff in the piece and overnight edited it out without really explaining why : the bits where Butler described gender critical people as fascist. Perhaps because the person their “reporters” had  defended against  transphobia at WiSpa turned out to be a known sex offender,  perhaps because someone pointed out that Butler was throwing around the word fascist rather like Rik Mayall used to do in the Young Ones. 

All of this is rather desperate and readers deserve better. When I left that newspaper I said that I thought and expected editors to stand up for their writers in public. Instead they go into some catatonic paralysis. I may have not liked this interview but it should never have been cut. Stand by what you publish or your credibility is shot.

But this is about more than Judith Butler and their refusal to support women . Butler is not really any kind of feminist at all. What this is about is the large edifice of trans ideology  crumbling when any real analysis is applied. Yes, I have read Shon Faye’s book and there are some interesting points in it and I totally agree that the lives of trans people should be easier and health care better . I have never said anything but that.

What Faye does in the book is say that there can be no trans liberation under capitalism so there will be a bit of a wait I suspect. 

Yet surely it is the other way round and what we are seeing is that trans ideology (not trans people – I am making a distinction here ) represent the apex of capitalism .

For it means that the individual decides their own gendered essence and then spends a fortune on surgery and a lifetime on medication to achieve the appearance of it. Of course lots of people spend a lifetime  on medication but not out of choice.  Marx understood very well that the abolition of our system of production would free up women.

Now it is all about freeing up men. Who say they are women. Quelle surprise.  

 Nussbaum’s famous take down of Butler is premised exactly on the sense of individual versus collective struggle “ The great tragedy in the new feminist theory in America is the loss of a sense of public commitment. In this sense, Butler’s self-involved feminism is extremely American, and it is not surprising that it has caught on here, where successful middle-class people prefer to focus on cultivating the self rather than thinking in a way that helps the material condition of others. “

Such thinking now dominates academia. There is simply an unquestioning  rehearsal of something most of know not to be true thus Amia Srinivasan writes in The Right to Sex  “At birth, bodies are sorted as ‘male’ or ‘female’, though many bodies must be mutilated to fit one category or the other, and many bodies will later protest against the decision that was made. This originary division determines what social purpose a body will be assigned.”

What does ‘sorted’ mean here? A tiny number of intersex babies are born. A tiny number of people are trans and decide to change their bodies. The feminist demand to challenge gender norms without mutilating any one’s body no longer matters. What matters now is this retrograde return  to some gendered soul. This is not something any decent Marxist would have any truck with . Of course one may change over a lifetime and of course gender is never ‘settled.’ We are complex people who inhabit bodies that often don’t work or appear as we want them to.

But not only is there a denial of basic Marxism going on here , what becomes ever more apparent is  that there is a denial of motherhood. Butler said “Yet gender is also what is made along the way – we can take over the power of assignment, make it into self-assignment, which can include sex reassignment at a legal and medical level.”

Self-assignment is key . One may birth oneself. No longer of woman born but self -made. This is a theoretical leap but it also one that has profound implications for women as a sex class. We are really then, just the  host bodies to a new breed of people who self-assign.

Maybe that is the future although look around the word and there isn’t a lot of self-assignment going on. There are simply women shot and beaten in the street, choked to death or having  their rights taken  away. There is no identifying out of this , there is no fluidity here . This is not discourse. It is brutality and do we not have some responsibility to other women to confront male violence ?

Instead the hatred is aided and abetted by so called philosophers describing  other women as Terfs. It is utterly depressing.

The sexed body. The pregnant body. The dying body. The body is in trouble when we can’t talk about it . I thought of Margaret Mary O’Hara’s  beautiful and  strange lyrics and what they might mean. I await my child’s return from the hospital as hers is a difficult pregnancy and thank god they are on the case. The sex of the child she carries does not matter to me at all .

It simply exists. Not in language but within a body. 

Why is that so difficult to acknowledge? 

[necropolis144]

may i interest you in some hashira headcanons?

rengoku kyoujurou - first off, ftm. the man is trans. second, autistic. avoids eye contact? little to no volume-control? just the way he responds? yeah he’s autistic. he also loves cooking but he sucks at it! it makes him super happy when he finishes making a meal no matter how badly it turns out. he also gives off demisex/ro vibes! also he totally has a soft spot for people who have had to deal with shitty parents/guardians since he finds it easier to empathise with them.

shinobu kochou - she hates kids. she tries so hard with her tsuguko and the kids at the butterfly mansion and she wants to like kids but she just can’t. also, her favorite insects are not butterflies! she likes praying mantids, they’ve been her favorite since she found one in her house when she was super young. she’s also a lesbian, and like most of the hashira, she had a crush on mitsuri when she first showed up! now mitsuri is her biggest supporter in both her identity and her search for a girlfriend!

tomioka giyuu - he’s considered changing his name so many times it’s not even funny anymore. at the end of the series he does everything he can to learn to love himself. it starts small, “wow look at me go i straightened my futon” “i made myself breakfast, what a legend” and eventually he finds it much easier to casually make jokes about how “great” he is with a lot less sarcasm than he would before! everyone cheers him on and them caring about him helps a lot!

shinazugawa sanemi - sanemi likes to read! he doesn’t like super pretentious novels, but he enjoys ironically reading odd romance stories and unironically loves books on natural history! although he gets bored if they’re too easy or too hard to read, so he has to find ones with a good intermediate balance. and he’s never ever cried when he got too invested in the plot in the romance novels, never once *wink*

himejima gyomei - we all know he’z the dad friend, right? i feel like everyone has to agree on this. obviously oyakata-sama is the real “father figure” but himejima takes it as a personal duty to check up on how everyone is doing every now and again (especially giyuu because nobody trusts him to be okay) and when anyone is feeling down at all he cries with them and he makes for a pretty good therapist in a pinch. he’s also aro/ace. when he first learned abt romantic/sexual attraction he was a bit skeptical, but he supports all of the other hashira and their romantic pursuits.

muichiro tokito - genderfluid, has the biggest neo hoard out of all the hashira. they love going out with mitsuri for lunches because she’ll buy them as much food as they want. she’s not one to judge. their memory lapses also cause them a lot of distress, and those are the days when therapist himejima™️ comes in. also muichiro has chronic psychosis, and while they’ve figured out how to work around it, it hasn’t been the easiest thing for them to deal with.

kanroji mitsuri - panromantic! pangender but fem-aligned! demisexual! amab! she’s kind of in queerplatonic relationships with all of the hashira. she’s the cheerleader of the group, which puts a lot of strain on her at times. which can cause her to break down every now and again, but it’s nothing a group bonding session can’t help! she’s an extrovert at heart and feels the most happy and energized when she’z spending time with her friends. also, may i present adhd mitsuri who hyperfixates on different romance novels? (she totally doesn’t give them to shinazugawa when she’s done *wink*)

iguro obanai - i saw it/rot iguro once and i haven’t looked back since. its gender identity was severely influenced by rots trauma. honestly iguro sees rotself as more of a disgusting “thing“ than a person. uzui and muichiro didn’t understand this at first, and thought that was more of an obscure way of describing its gender than an insecurity, but since they rolled with it for so long soon it just became a source of coping jokes and an easy way to describe rots gender. it also picked up a knitting hobby? so rot makes masks for itself for fancy occasions when the bandages don’t cut it.

uzui tengen - poly king. polysexual, polyamorous, polygender. uses so many neopronouns and probably keeps a list. he also has a ton of xenogenders that he feels on a rotation, and whenever he gets thrown out of the rotation he acts very dramatic. sometimes he cooks for his wives and he’s way too good at it. his yelling problem comes from when he was little and he would talk very quietly, so nobody could hear what he was saying and they weren’t patient enough to deal with it, so they just encouraged him to yell. he’s trying to pull back on it because sometimes it makes suma cry (it doesn’t take much to make her cry but he feels so bad every time)

[i-want-it-on-fire]

Ok I just need to lose my shit for a second. Six months ago I'm like "oh I think I will trans my gender, this is good, this feels right, this feels like me" and now it sort of feels like the universe is just telling me very quietly to get back in the closet, like-

Thought parents would be chill about this since me being a huge queer isn't exactly new? Nope. Totally threw a grenade at our family dynamic. Never felt this distant from them.

Get on hormones? Sure, simple enough. Partner already did the hard work trying to figure the process out for themself, so it should be simpler for me, right? Can't get appointment until August. We may have left the state by then. Still don't have new doctor lined up. Don't know what future of health insurance is because don't know what future of job is.

Change name and pronouns? Hell yeah. And while you're at it, how about your change your work hours to full time. Also you're not out at work. Also you spend the vast majority of your waking hours at work. And when you're not at work, people you're out to rarely have cause to refer to you in conversation. Never hear name and pronouns. Get an opportunity to? Get chided by random hotel guy that I should use my legal name when booking stuff. Too paranoid about getting in trouble to give anyone other than restaurant cashiers my new name for things. It's like nothing's changed.

Actually get a different, masc haircut that feels much better than I thought it would from a stylist who was much cooler than I thought she'd be? Doesn't last. Next cut I get ends up wonky, and instead of looking cute and vaguely boyish I feel like I look like me four-ish years ago with my stupid undercut that just looks weird and bad in pictures. I never even had Gender feelings about my hair until I got a good masc cut, and now it's like, oh great! Now I can have dysphoria about things I never cared about before! Love that for me!!

Like, I'm so pissed, because there's a well-trod anxiety path in my brain that activates whenever I meet even the slightest resistance (perceived or real) to something I'm doing that's maybe a little ambitious or even just, like, difficult for other people to ignore. And that path goes like "I'm really excited to try this new thing, I think I've thought it through enough, and I'm ready to do it!" -> "oh other people don't seem as excited as I am, or they think I haven't thought it through enough, maybe they're right, and I shouldn't be excited?" -> "it's going to take a lot more work to do this than I realized, and now I feel like I'm being annoying, maybe I should dial it back and shut up for a bit" -> "it's getting too hard to keep moving forward with this thing, I'm just going to stop because this idea probably wasn't as good as I thought it was to begin with, and everyone else saw that except me, so I'm going to stop bothering everyone with this." And that path is trying to activate with this, and I'M! NOT! OK! WITH THAT!!

I want to keep pushing forward regardless, and like, I'm gonna because I know my stupid brain is an asshole and wrong, but that doesn't stop it from telling me "Yeah go ahead if you want to, but you're gonna be miserable the whole time because everyone else can tell that, tbh, this isn't going to work. This is a silly look on you, why would you expect anyone to take you seriously? You're setting yourself up to be disappointed over and over again. Just give up, don't bother correcting people or trying to present as something you're clearly not. It's better to take the path of least resistance. You'll at least keep your peace of mind that way by accepting it and not letting it get to you."

And I'm like...not having a good time

[nicknellie]

Ok, so obviously Luke’s relationship with Emily was very strained before he left home. But what about with his dad? I present to you, headcanons about Mitch and Luke Patterson’s father-son relationship, featuring trans!Luke.

(I tried to keep this light-hearted but it didn’t really work so... I’m sorry.)

Luke and Mitch were always close

I’m talking all the usual father-child activities: Mitch taught him how to swim, how to ride a bike, took him to his first sports games, they went fishing once (but Luke fell in the lake so they never did it again), they go camping together, everything and anything

Luke wasn’t the best behaved child growing up though, so his parents were always trying to think of things that would calm him down or at least distract him

It was Mitch’s idea to buy Luke his first guitar

Mitch used to play acoustic guitar and thought it would be a fun thing to share with Luke, and it might help him be better behaved

The first time Luke played he wanted to give up immediately because he couldn’t do it on the first try

Mitch sat him down and taught him everything he knew (very patiently, because little Luke was not willing to learn)

Eventually he got the hang of it and loved it to pieces

It made Mitch so proud to see his son enjoying himself so much

Mitch was the first person Luke spoke to when he was questioning his gender

He was ten or eleven and knew next to nothing about gender identity, so he went to his dad because he had been so good at explaining things in the past

Mitch was as supportive as you could imagine - as soon as Luke felt ready, the two of them headed out shopping to buy new clothes and things

Truth be told, Mitch didn’t know a lot about gender either, but he made it his mission to research it until he felt that he knew enough to be truly supportive of Luke

After Luke had also come out to Emily, the three of them went to their first pride event - Mitch didn’t think he’d ever seen Luke smiling quite so brightly

(Luke wrote My Name Is Luke and played it to Emily as his way of coming out - she was also incredibly supportive, and Mitch cried)

Luke asked for an electric guitar for his fourteenth birthday

Emily wasn’t so sure, but Mitch was the one to persuade her that it could be a good idea

“You know how much he loves music, it’s not as if it’ll be a waste of money.”

Luke, of course, adored his electric guitar

He’d put on “shows” for his parents, which were really just him sat in the living room, blocking their view of the TV, singing covers of his favourite songs

Then he met Reggie, Bobby, and Alex one by one, and they formed Sunset Curve

This is when things started to go downhill

Emily didn’t want Luke in the band - not because she didn’t want him to enjoy music, but because she had a lot of misconceptions about rock musicians and things like drugs and drink

When the arguing started, Mitch was stuck between a rock and a hard place - agree with his wife or agree with his son

He could see both sides of their argument and whenever they argued he either tried not to get involved or tried to calm it down

Neither tactic really worked

It hurt him to see his family falling apart

After the first big argument between Emily and Luke, Luke stormed off to his room

Mitch spoke to Emily first

“If he’s enjoying it and staying safe then what’s the problem?” he asked her

She had sighed and said, “I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

Later, Mitch hesitantly knocked on Luke’s door

Luke said, “Go away,” but Mitch ignored him and walked in

“If you’re here to tell me that mom’s right and I should quit the band then you can save it, I’m not leaving.”

“I wasn’t going to say that. You want to go somewhere? Get something to eat, just go on a drive? You can’t stay in your room all day.”

When Luke didn’t reply, Mitch said, “Just the two of us.”

They went to Luke’s favourite fast food restaurant and Luke’s mood brightened steadily

Mitch listened to him gush about the band, talk about all the gigs they had lined up, laugh about his friends’ antics

He didn’t think the band could be dangerous or a bad idea, not when Luke so clearly adored it

The fights only got worse - it became routine for Mitch to calm Emily down first, then go and take Luke somewhere

They went to the cinema, crazy golf, the beach, museums, the planetarium, haunted houses in October, Christmas markets in December, or they would just wander around or go on a long drive

Whatever Luke needed to take his mind off it, Mitch was happy to help him

It got to the point that after an argument Luke would be stood by the door with his coat on, ready to leave

We know Luke and Alex dated for a bit in the nineties - Mitch was the first person Luke told when they got together, and he was the shoulder Luke cried on when they broke up

Mitch was just arriving home from work the night Luke ran away

He could see his bike disappearing around a corner, and Emily was falling apart

She explained everything - Mitch held himself together; he thought Luke would come home eventually

He blamed himself a bit; he felt he was the one who had taught Luke that if an argument got too heated it was alright to just leave

After three days, he started to worry

He called the police, told them of a missing person

“Please, it’s my son. His name is Luke Patterson, he’s been missing since Wednesday night. Apparently he hasn’t been in school either. My wife and I... we miss him so much, we just want to know he’s safe.”

He and Emily made missing person posters together, along with the ones issued by the police

The ink on most of them ended up smudged after one of them cried on it

Mitch took out newspaper ads in the hopes that somehow Luke would see it

(Luke did see the ads, he just never responded to them - he would tear them out of the newspapers and keep them in his pocket because it felt like that way he had a bit of his parents’ love with him)

He and Emily went to Reggie, Alex, and Bobby’s houses to ask them if they’d seen Luke - on Luke’s request, none of them really gave a straight answer

One night, Mitch was looking out of the living room window

He thought he saw someone in the bushes

He wondered - hoped it could have been Luke

When he did a double-take, he saw that no one was there

He decided it was a trick of the light

On the night of Luke’s death, the police showed up at the Pattersons’ house, lights flashing, sirens wailing

Luke had been missing for months - of course Mitch and Emily assumed the worst

Of course they were right

They identified the body together

Mitch cried as Emily hugged her son - that probably wasn’t allowed, but she did it anyway

Emily whispered something to Luke but Mitch couldn’t hear what it was

Mitch said goodbye afterwards

He smoothed down his son’s hair, closed his eyes, straightened his jacket, held his hand, hugged him gently

Silently, he thanked Luke for everything he’d given him and done for him, for making him a better person and teacher and father, for being so perfect

That night, Mitch picked up his own old acoustic guitar for the first time in years

He played a lullaby he and Emily had sung to Luke as they tried to get him to sleep as a baby

He played the first song he’d ever taught Luke

He played a few of Luke’s original songs, the ones he’d liked so much that he’d learnt them himself, without telling Luke

He played the guitar at Luke’s funeral

But he didn’t play again after that

He remembered his son in other ways: framing hundreds of photographs and hanging them around the house, volunteering at a youth group on Friday nights, switching career paths and training as a teacher

One year, for Emily’s birthday, Mitch named a star and gave her the certificate

He had called it Luke

“Our boy was always going to be a star,” he told his wife, “and now he really is.”

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.