#so talking to my new AM and she’s telling me about this guy and this situation and all these things and goes lemme show you a picture!
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Wasn’t going to go on a big rant but you know what since that other post is gaining traction yeah I think I will. So big long rant under the cut. Lolll
I feel like. A lot of people might tell me ‘it’s not that deep’ but to me it is that deep.
I don’t have a problem with JayVik or it’s shippers like. At all. I just think some of them are à really good demonstration of like. Every bad thing when it comes to fandom ever LMAO.
Once again I am (supposed to be) writing a whole big long essay about this already so I will try and keep this kind of short and sweet and it might be a bit lacking but wtvr.
I think a lot of JayVik fans tend to be white queer people. Someone left a tag on my OG post that said basically ‘my take is I’m a faggot and I don’t have to care about a character if I don’t want to’ and no hate to that person cuz you’re right, but this is exactly the kind of stuff that made me make that first post.
I feel like a lot of white queer people have an issue with seeing outside their own identity? If that makes sense? This is seen time and time again with the way some of them behave when big movements happen online, some have a tendency to centre themselves and whatnot so i think it’s kind of the same thing.
It makes total sense that a queer person would prefer queer ships and would prefer JayVik over MelJay, that is not a crime. But I do think part of that is because they can’t relate/identify with Mel or see themselves in her like they can with Jayce or Viktor.
I hate to also make it about feminism but i think a lot of you guys are super like. Male centred, like just in your attraction which once again, not the issue not a crime. But i think it’s also why CaitVi, which is a canon queer ship, although popular is still not quite as popular as JayVik despite being canon. Women fetishizing gay men in fandom is not something new, which I think might play a small part in it- I’ve seen a lot of people especially back in s1 infantilizing Viktor and acting like he had no agency or independence and that he NEEDS Jayce to take care of him (that’s another thing. Ableism(looks at you with my eyes)) and they also do the same thing with Jayce where they act like he had 0 agency with any decisions he makes and that he’s like a big dumb baby who doesn’t know anything politics. Hey, guys. That’s a grown man.
My main issue isn’t that people prefer JayVik over MelJay it’s just that some shippers demonize Mel to an insane degree, blame her for getting in the way of their ship (this is also happening right now with Maddie- there’s a leak going around saying that she gets with Caitlyn and people are so upset that this character is getting some INSANE hate and I feel like that’s the same thing going on.)
they blame her for ‘stealing’ Jayce etc etc like. Idk. You don’t have to ship MelJay but I wish more people would appreciate Mel just as a character- imo she is super interesting and has a great story but she’s only ever seen and ‘the other woman’. I’ve seen people say she isn’t like, well characterized and that her story entirely revolves around Jayce which. Yeah she’s definitely heavily involved with him in s1 but she’s clearly got a lot more going on than just that and you would know that if you GAF 🗣️🗣️
for just being. Who she is. I think Mel deserves more attention just in the fandom and it’s just frustrating. People making memes about Jayce going insane over Viktor leaving but like. Mel also just got fucking kidnapped guys. His lover has just vanished without a trace why is nobody also talking about that !!!! Why can’t he care about both these people at the same time !!!!!!!
Anyway I’m not nearly well equipped enough to talk more in-depth about like. Any of this but I do think the demonization of Mel and refusal to see her relationship with Jayce as it is can often times be boiled down to racism like straight up. And also things like the fetishization of gay men in fandom and just things like that are sometimes what can lead to female characters- even the well written ones to be shelved and pushed aside in favour of their male counterparts.
Obligatory ‘not all JayVik fans’ obviously a lot of you are awesome, shouldn’t have to say this. If I’m not aiming for you, you shouldn’t be getting shot.
#hope this doesn’t ruffle up too many feathers eek#I was scared to make the first post I was worried JayVik fans would come at me#also idgaf about whatever was going on in league that lore has been retconned again and again and again#and as far as I’m aware Viktor and Jayce didn’t even like eachother that much#league and arcane are very much separate identities#I’m p sure theyr changing the league lore to match wtvr is going on in arcane#if you prefer JayVik because it’s always been a thing that’s fine but that doesn’t excuse the mistreatment of a black female character#Y’know?#idk#nobody kill me for this#arcane#arcane spoilers#MelJay#Mel Medarda#jayce talis#I won balls
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) TODAY’S CONTENTS : 16+ / cursing / reader is suspicious!.. / a little bit of angst(?) / fem!reader / reader is scared of bugs / reader is described shorter than satoru / satoru’s kindaaa a bitch / let me know if i missed any warnings <3 ★ ˎˊ˗ series m.list ★ ˎˊ˗ wc : 3.7k (how did we go from 2.5k to..)
“tokyo jujutsu high..” you lean back against your seat in the train as an overwhelming feeling takes over you. this is going to be your new life — as a jujutsu sorcerer. this is what you signed up for, so no take backsies, right? even so, you can’t shake off the lingering feeling within you that tells you today is going to be much more than just a.. ‘long day’
“Excuse me, can you stop your mumbling?” your head snapped towards the sound, a look of embarrassment washing over you, realizing you’ve been talking to yourself like an idiot.
“oh, my apologies.” you force a smile at the old man who had been clearly trying to sleep, silently cursing yourself for choosing the worst possible seat — it doesn’t look like there are any decent ones, now that you look around.
“whew, everyone on this train looks real sketchy..” and you’re back to mumbling to yourself. i can’t even get my head straight right now.. the overburning feelings of excitement and stress cling to your heart. this is a big day for you, isn’t it?
you were told you were the replacement for some.. ‘crazy guy’ who slaughtered an entire village and left the jujutsu society. you wonder how his teammates feel about that — are they mad about what he did? sad that he left? or worse, scared of him even? no — maybe all at once. “sounds like a bunch of bullshit though..” you sub-consciously mutter. i mean, who is crazy enough to kill the people they swore to protect?
you can’t help but stare out of the window, a state of frenzy taking over you. determination flows through your body, you’re ready for this, these are just the few small steps you need to a—
“attention passengers,” a voice echoes through the train “we’ve arrived at tokyo — may all passengers please depart carefully, i repeat, we’ve arrived at-“
a frustrated groan leaves your lips, maybe you did want the train ride to last just a little longer. the boost of confidence you had early had quickly seemed to dissipate into thin air. come on, you’ve got this..
despite the hesitating thoughts, you don’t waste another second without arising from your seat, nearly stumbling onto your belongings. a sheepish apology quickly slips out of your mouth in a desperate attempt to not make any further noise while leaving your seat, lurking behind the stretching line of people exiting the train.
the almost never-ending line slowly becomes smaller and smaller until you’ve finally reached the train gate. as soon as you walk out and enter the train station, you’re greeted with the beautiful scenery of tokyo. it’s your first time experiencing the grace of such a serene place in real time — it’s almost distracting, really, the sound of birds chirping by and people bustling everywhere — hold on, something smells a little..
“hey, i’m here.” a hand waves over your face, causing you to flip around quickly and you’re greeted by the sight of a girl with short brown hair and a cigarette sitting in between her lips — so that’s where the smell is coming from. “oh.” you eye her uniform, easily recognising the jujutsu tech uniform that bared similarities to yours.
“wow, you’re pretty.” you attempt to ignore the smoke hitting your face by throwing in a compliment, miserably failing as you slip out a couple of coughs— ahem. . you clear your throat.
the girl notices your discomfort quickly. “sorry.” she removes the cigarette from her mouth, letting the tip burn and the end falling to the ground.
“no, no, its fine.” you shake your hands, sighing in relief when you finally taste some fresh air. “so, you’re shoko right?” a curious gaze displays your features.
“mhm, i am shoko.” she confirms your statement. “Mr. Yaga sent me to escort you, he rambled quite a bit about you.” shoko briefly glances your way as you subtly nod at her words, gesturing you to follow her. you wonder what Mr. Yaga could have possibly said about you — hopefully good things.
“so you’re replacing suguru, huh?” she says it almost as a fact and not a question. honestly, she is also a little unsure about the replacement like satoru— maybe not as worried as him, but she still expresses a sense of uneasiness — she is suguru’s friend too after all. . or was.
you haven’t even noticed that she’s talking to you, her words entering into one ear and out of the other. you’re inattentively staring straight ahead, mind too occupied with thoughts to notice her voice. your ears are ringing with theories about what could of seemingly caused their friend to do such an insane 360 — or maybe im thinking about it too much, he’s not what im after anyway..
“heeyy? you there?”
“oh, yeah, i am.” your response came off a little delayed. damn it, focus. you shake your head, trying to get rid of the lingering thoughts, it’s not the time to let your head get swayed.
“so. . is smoking even allowed in there?” you ask with a half-hearted snicker, a desperate attempt to save conversation.
“no, but if you don’t get caught then it never happened.” she shrugs. “not much of a smoker, are you?” the teasing glint in her voice makes you a little embarrassed, a nervous smile bracing your lips. “no, not really haha.”
“nothing to be embarrassed about, im just poking you.” her reassurance made you sigh in relief, perhaps this wasn’t going to be as difficult as you assumed it was.
“actually.. i wanted to ask something.” shoko turns her head in your direction, awaiting your question expectantly. there’s an unsure expression on your face, contemplating your words.
“why did your teammate-“ the words are about to roll off your tongue when suddenly a strange noise causes you to choke on your words — ring ring.
well isn’t that just great.
“sorry, gimmie a sec.” shoko looks at you apologetically as she takes her flip-phone out of her pocket. she checks the contact name, satoru. you managed to take a peep in time to see who’s calling.
the name leaves your throat a little dry. satoru gojo — from the gojo family. his existence itself makes curses quiver. a sense of rage boils up within you, hearing the name of the gojo clan itself makes your teeth grit.
your eyes narrow for a moment as you faintly hear his voice on the other side of the phone, words being exchanged. “stop calling, im almost there.” shoko hung up, her attention diverting back to you. she doesn’t miss the scowl on your face. “something wrong?”
“oh, no, nothing.” you snap out of your trance before your kettle could pop, your lips curling upward. “who’s ‘satoru’?” you fake a curious look. play dumb — that’s it.
“you don’t know satoru gojo?” shoko lets out a humorous laugh, faltering a little when she sees the serious look on your face. “he’s from one of the big clans, the strongest sorcerer of our generation, they say.” she simply shrugged. “don’t worry about it, he’s all talk, no bark.” she gives you a reassuring look, not what you would of expected from a gojo clan member — but perhaps you should take her word for it, for now.
theres a strangely comforting silence as you follow behind her, you could feel the air getting chilly and shivers vibrating through your body. shoko doesn’t seem to be affected much by it. maybe i should’ve brought a coat.
“anyways, we’re at the outskirts of tokyo now.” you squint your eyes, seeing a big building a few feet away. “well, you’re officially a sorcerer now. its not as exciting as it sounds, though.” she gives you a teasing look.
“i know that.” you roll your eyes. you both take a few more steps, finally arriving at the gate. behind the gate you spot multiple buildings. you have to stand still and collect your breath for a moment, so this is jujutsu tech.
“woah, it’s huge.” of course you knew a place with sorcerer’s from one of the biggest clans wasn’t going to be any joke, but it’s hard not to be swayed by such a breath-taking place.
“come on, lets go.” she takes your hand and walks through the gate. you closely inspect every sight on your way. wow, this place was pretty. you’re almost jealous of it’s radiance.
you’re taken to a bridge where shoko spots a familiar lean figure slouched against the railing with a sulky pout. the chalk-white hair that fell over his eyes, having to push them back with his long fingers and you almost get a view of the famous six eyes the gojo family is known for — those serene blue eyes that can put you in a daze with a look — wait, are you in a daze?
“not you too..” shoko slams her face causing you to snap out of your daydreams in a panicked oh! “im going to hide your face with a cardboard box one day, i swear.” a nasty side-eye was sent satoru’s way.
you thought him ‘charming people with one look’ (such big talk!) was mere gossip amongst the crowd. i mean, he couldn’t be that beautiful right?
you’ve never been more wrong.
“huuuuuh? so it’s my fault now?” satoru crosses his arms, a pout visible on his face. shoko already knows his ego is already swelling with pride, ‘cause he just can’t control the fact that he’s oh-so beautiful, can he?
“oh. . uh.” you finally realize his tall figure looming over you, taking a few steps back as he sizes you up, those piercing cold eyes were antagonising, anything but friendly. resentment runs through your body — it really is him, satoru gojo.
“this is stupid.” satoru let out a huff, pulling away and crossing his arms. “we don’t need a replac—“ satoru freezes in place when he catches the striking scowl on shoko’s face. “whatever. it’s ‘nice’ to meet you.” how much more pettier could he get?
“wellllll, ahem.” you let out a cough, trying to compose yourself. “my apologies. you’re satoru right?” you ask with a friendly smile on your face, but it’s almost like he can see through it with the way he eyes you. as if his icy orbs were poking right through your skull, did a shiver just run down your spine?
“it’s gojo to you.” a huff escaped his mouth and he turned away, refusing to even look at you, as if he was destined to hate you the exact moment you met — well, at least that’s something you both have in common.
shoko could only smack her forehead with her palm. when suguru joined sorcery, him and satoru didn’t hit it off immediately, it took them a while to get used to eachother’s company and get over their silly rivalry.
yet she has this strange feeling it might not be the same with you.
“ignore him, he’s just been a big whiny bitch about about the idea of a replacement.” shoko places a hand over your shoulder, ignoring the offended look satoru gave her, he was no ‘whiny bitch’ about it.. okay, maybe he was… just a little.
“speaking off..” you finally take your chance. “why’d your old teammate leave?” as soon as the words spilled out of your throat, you quickly notice how a cold tension develops in the air. you take a glance at satoru, oh. he doesn’t look very pleased you brought that up. .
“what’s it to you?” he snickers, tone comes off with an edge of hurt. he can’t say he’s over it, that he moved on, that would be a blatant lie. the reoccuring images of that day play in his head, not a single flaw in the vision of that scene — and it hurts.
you almost feel bad for bringing it up, since it clearly wasn’t the. . ‘right time’. you rub your hands together, its cold. was it always this chilly out here?
“i was just ask—“ “well, it’s none of your damn business.”
you can almost feel his glare, as if it was stabbing daggers right through your mind. teeth clenching, you hate that look, it’s just like them all. just like every other g—
“we’ll talk about it later.” shoko finally says something, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “im going to show her around for a bit, satoru. bye.” shoko waved as she quickly pulled you away from the bridge. phew.
“so i definitely killed the mo-“ you’re immediately cut off. “don’t bring that up in front of him, god.” shoko laughs. “it’s a sensitive topic for him.”
shoko looked up for a brief moment, exhaling. “suguru — he was our old teammate. they both were practically inseparable, i’m guessing you know he left and all.” you take in her words, suguru geto, of course you already knew who he was.
“im guessing you also wont tell me why he left.” you laugh, yet a curious gaze still present, hoping to hit the jackpot. “well.” shoko lets out a quiet hum and you’re kept on your toes, anticipating, as if watching a love confession in a movie. come on. .
“why do you wanna know so bad?” ah, shit. you almost let a groan leave your lips, you knew it was never going to be that easy, yet it’s just as frustrating.
“im just a little curious, from the things i heard he did some prettyyy crazy things, y’know?” woah, good save. “i can’t argue with you on that.” shoko laughs bitterly. “ill tell you some other time, though. its your first day here, let me tour you for real.”
you nod at her words, trailing behind her as she leads you to a hallway. you take a good look around — must be the dorms.
“so this is where the dorms are.” you look to the direction shoko points at. “your dorm is the one on the right, next to.. satoru’s.” she gives you an apologetic look. “theres no other rooms with essentials as of now, hope he wont be a big pain in the ass for you.”
you acknowledge her words, slowly moving to the room, paying a lot more attention to satoru’s door than yours — there was nothing special about it, yet you can’t shake the feeling that everything’s going a bit.. too smooth. your dorm being right next to his is like a lottery ticket, it’ll make everything much easier, but it’s almost too good to be true — or maybe you’re just overthinking it.
aside from that, it’s also not the best thing in the world. it’ll be perfect for your mission, and yet one day you might just end up punching that arrogant expression on his face from irritation — a double edged sword, they say.
“you can do whatever you want with the room, you listening?” you turn back to shoko, giving her a half-hearted smile. “oh, yeah, definitely.” shoko gives you a suspicious look. “ill take your word for it.. anyway, Mr. Yaga wants to see us tomorrow for a mission so you can prepare for that.”
“wow, mission already? it’s not a piece of cake, huh?” you joke. “consider yourself lucky, a lot of people have it way worse.” she teases you. “im going to go back to my own room — 303 if you’ve got any questions.” she gives you a pat on the shoulder before heading to the third floor, leaving you with the key to your dorm.
you slowly approach the door, finding yourself inspecting the door carefully as if something might jump out and hurt you, paranoid much.
rest assured, there was nothing set up. (obviously. .) you’re fiddling with your keys, about to open the door—
footsteps. the noise causes your ears to perk up immediately, turning around in a defensive stance to see whoever it is— oh.
“woah.” satoru raises his hand in the air defensively. “you ‘tryna to kill me or something?” redness spreads across your face as you immediately stand up straight. “im not armed, that was just a reflex.” you shoot him a glare. clearly, both of you were still petty about earlier.
“you were reaaaaalll nice with shoko huh?” suddenly he’s leaning in close. too close. is he onto you? is your journey over right here right now? maybe you were stupid for thinking you co- “there’s no mistake about it..” he scratches his chin.
“what?” you clench your fist in annoyance, its like your patience disappears whenever it comes to him.
“you’ve got a bug in your hair, do you even wash it?”
. . . .
“wait, what?” a rush of panic washes over you. “where is it!? wait, gojo!” you look up to him with a pitiful expression, only to be met with a teasing smirk. “ohhh, so you’re scared of bugs.” he’s saying it as if he’s keeping tabs on you or something. . he definitely is.
“i was just playing with you.” he shrugs nonchalantly. “seriously, how are you gonna fight a curse if you’re scared of a ‘lil ole bug?” oh this little tease.
“you’re seriously. asking to be punched, gojo.” you attempt to come off as intimidating as you can. unfortunately for you, you’re dealing with the cockiest man on this planet.
“what happened to ‘yer nice little demeanour huuuh? or does it just not apply t’me?” he’s easily towering over you, you don’t know why he’s so.. adamant to get to you. every word that comes out of his mouth — god, give me patience.
“bold of you to assume you deserve a single ounce of kindness.” ouch. the exasperated look on his face proved he did not take your comment lightly.
“oh yeah? don’t get arrogant just ‘cause you happen to get picked as a replacement.” there’s a strange venom in his words, you can’t tell whether it's targeted towards you. just why did he have to be so hard to read?
“just what are you so mad about, that you have to come bother someone else about it?” you bite back. “oh, yeah, me mad, suuuuureee. as if you didn’t look like you wanted to kill me a few seconds ago.” he retorts right back at you.
this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. you’re supposed to be nice to him and gain his trust — but that lingering anger in your heart is taking over you, the same coldness you loathe feeling — that cold look in his eyes, its just like them all. it’s like your feelings are speaking for you, as if your heart is pouring itself out.
present you would laugh at the fact that just an hour ago, you thought you’d be able to befriend him with ease. like a walk in the park, you’ll shoot him a kind smile just like you did with shoko, compliment his eyes maybe, yet it seems like you were destined to be enemies at first sight.
“and you know what? maybe you should be careful, ‘cause i will.” you shoot back, but satoru’s obviously not taking your threat seriously — ‘what could a wimp like her do to me?’
“oh please.” he grabs the collar of your shirt. “if you want me to be the last thing you see ill make it happen right n-“
“satoru, what are you doing?” a stern voice is heard from behind satoru and he immediately pulls away. you immediately recognise the man as the principle — Masamichi Yaga.
“nothinnggggg.” what a liar, you almost want to rat him out but technically it’s your fault as well. . .
“you’re the new student, aren’t you?” the man approaches you while satoru quietly observes. “yeah-“ your voice comes out in a stutter. “i am..”
“it’s your first day here, and you’re already fighting with that lunatic.” a grumble escaped his lips. his tone held a sense of aloofness, he doesn’t seem like someone who plays around. “don’t let me find this behaviour continuing.”
“but he started it f-“ you don’t even have time to respond and he’s leaving. your first encounter with the principle and its great, wow.
“but sirrrr, but heee..!” satoru mocks you from the side, and you have half a mind to not kick him in the face right there.
“im done arguing with an immature jerk like you.” you declare confidently, knowing you’re just as immature as him. “woooooah, look at miss victim being the bigger person, aren’t you sooo admir-“ by the time he’s done talking, you’ve already slammed the door to your room shut, causing him to flinch a little.
“gee, she’s ‘annoyin alright.” satoru opens the door to his own room with his key. walking inside and flopping onto the bed immediately. the AC is turned on in a beat. satoru can feel his mind relax as the cool air hits his body.
today’s tiring. there’s a lot of new unwanted thoughts swarming his mind, many of them being you.
in fact — ever since he heard about you replacing suguru, he’s been unable to help the hatred that filled his heart. is it hatred? or is he scared? the thought of someone else taking suguru’s place, for some reason, it irks him.
“maaaan, feelings are just as annoying as her.” satoru grumbled, resting his head on his arms. “i swear ‘somethin about her rubs me the wrong way.”
he’s not taking himself too seriously. he’s probably just thinking about it too much because he’s overwhelmed. he’ll take a nap and forget about it soon enough. (if only he followed his ‘divine intuition’.)
you, on the other hand, are quite literally panicking. unable to even lay down on your bed. you’re staring at the wall in disbelief, you’ve made it so far, you can’t afford to mess up now. but that look in his eyes — it brings back too many memories you’ve been wanting to forget.
maybe he was just playing around when you were fighting, but you’ve realised it now. he really can kill you if he wanted to. it makes you doubt yourself — if you even hold a fraction of his power. you knew it was never going to be easy, but it makes you wonder.
“just how will i assassinate gojo satoru?”
(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) TAGLIST : @kuroogguk @ilovelinkk @kr1nqu @creamflix (open!)
★ ˎˊ˗ a/n : first chapter !! uh funfact reader was not suppose to have ulterior motives and the story was just suppose to be a simple rivals to lovers thing but while reader was talking to shoko i was like, why not give her a cliche assassin story 🙂↕️🙂↕️ hope you enjoyed reading!!
#♡ tell me why your hands are cold#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk series#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#♡ ayra’s works#♡ div : khaer
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Or Something - Mattheo x Reader
A/N: I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone that follows me. On Tuesday (my time) I woke to find out I hit 600 followers!! 🫢
I know majority are those that follow me for my Mattheo works, and a lot of new followers are for Austin Butlers character works I've been writing. I am still thankful for all of you!!!
I also want to thank those that I recognise reblogging, hearting and commenting 💜💜💜 I see you and it always makes me smile to see you, and all of you too!!
So, to celebrate I wrote a Mattheo x Reader for the occasion 😁😁😁
Warning: briefest drug mention, fluff
Prompt: “So, are you seeing them or something?”
Mattheo didn’t like how guys looked at you. He didn’t like how they talked to you. Hell, in general, he hated them. Why do you ask? Because they weren’t your best friend, and secretly in love with you. That was him, his life.
Watching guy after guy talk to you, flirt with you, shoot their shot. All the while he hoped one day you would see how he saw you, wanting him like he wants you. Always and forever. But till then Mattheo had to endure this endless nightmare.
“Mate, you should just tell her!” Groaned Theodore passing his friend a joint. “No doubt she fells the same”.
Taking the joint, Mattheo sighed. “How can you be so sure!? I can’t risk ruining my friendship with her!”
Lorenzo looked to the two and said, “I get where Mattheo's coming from. What if she doesn’t exactly feel the same way? Things will be different in our group, and it would be awkward for all parties".
The three were sitting by a large tree, far from the Castle on this fine afternoon. Both boys had seen how worked up Mattheo had been after another guy decided to talk to you. Rather then Mattheo getting detention for beating up or cursing the guy, both Theodore and Lorenzo dragged him away. Once at the tree Mattheo opened up and told them everything, and in depth. How it pissed him off, how he felt for you and how he was a hop, skip and a jump from murdering so many male students.
“Yeah, alright" retorted Theodore. “But what if she did feel the same way? And by not speaking up is just hindering your happiness together?”
Lorenzo leant around Mattheo to give the guy a surprised look. “I am shocked you know how to use hindering, and are the voice of reason for once”.
Theodore rolled his eyes while flipping off the chuckling boy. Mattheo remained quiet, smoking the joint and hoping it will calm him, and his frazzled nerves. They both made good points. And were like an angel and devil on his shoulders. He just needed a scrap of conformation that you felt the same as him, and he would put himself out there.
“I can’t tell her without knowing how she feels, even just a tiny bit" Mattheo sighed, passing the joint to Lorenzo.
Both boys looked to their friend before both saying, “then we’ll find out!”
Mattheo didn’t know if he should be relieved or scared. For those two finding out information can go either way, such as they could do the job right or fail and blab. He truly hoped it was the former. Because the idea of you learning about his feelings, from them and not him, terrified and annoyed him.
The following day, during morning break, you were sitting in the courtyard in the suns warm rays. You were helping Pansy with some last minute Potions homework, not wanting her to be subject to Snape’s wrath. Mattheo, Theodore, Lorenzo and Draco were near by, sitting around talking shit. Which was annoying Pansy. Who eventually told them all to shut it.
Theodore stuck his tongue out at Pansy, while Mattheo and Lorenzo laughed. Draco didn’t do or say anything. With a huff from the girl next to you, you smiled returning to the book and parchment before you. Yet, you found yourself sneaking glances at Mattheo. Admiring his boyish smile and laugh, as he pushed Theodore for something he had said. Noticing how the humour reached his chocolate brown eyes, happy to see him having fun.
“(Y/N/N)!” Pansy whined, “I need your help!”
Focusing back on your friend and the task at hand, you had to put staring at Mattheo on the back burner. There would be plenty of time to admire him. To day dream of being more with your best friend. And yet, it was just that, a day dream. You doubted he saw you any more than a friend. He might care, but not enough to be more then what you both were right now.
With some frustration you finally managed to get some of the homework through Pansy's thick head. The pair of you packed up your parchments and books, relived to be done. And with time to spare before your next class, which was potions. You both stood, stretching while your friends remained where they were. Of course Mattheo was watching you, always watching you. Just not when you’re watching him.
“(Y/N)!” Called a Hufflepuff guy from your year, his tone warm and giddy.
You turned in the direction – as did Mattheo – and you smiled seeing Andrew. You waved to him, then said something to Pansy before walking over to him with your bag over your shoulder. Mattheo watched how you bounced over to Andrew, and how you both smiled, laughed and talked.
Lorenzo and Theodore noticed it was only them that were talking, upon looking to Mattheo they noticed his gaze. And following it they saw why their mate sat quietly, eyes a blaze with jealousy. All three sets of eyes watched the interaction between you and the Hufflepuff. And to really get on Mattheo's goat, was the fact Andrew was on his houses Quiddich team. And their last match against each other had not gone well. Andrew got a lucky shot on him, and Mattheo was knocked from his broom.
So, his hatred for the guy was next level. First the Quiddich match, and now talking to his girl. And you were happily chatting away with him. Were you into the twat? Were you dating him? All the possibilities just added fuel to Mattheo's hate and jealousy.
Getting to his feet, and ignoring his mates, Mattheo moved towards you and Andrew. Only the Hufflepuff was lucky to have left before his arrival. Andrew was laughing with his mates as they headed back to the Castle. You smiled, only to jump when turning to find Mattheo beside you.
“Oh my God, Matty!” You exclaimed in surprise, before playfully hitting his arm. “Don’t sneak up on me!”
His gaze – which had still been following Andrew – turn back to you, heated and not happy. It was jealousy, but you didn’t pick up on it. “So, are you seeing them or something?” Came his annoyed question.
You blinked, confused by Mattheo's words. “Huh?” you paused, before registering his question. “Oh! No! Oh my gosh, no!”
He didn’t buy your words. “Really? Seems like it, or something’s going on...”
“No Matty, really there’s nothing going on!” You said in a rush. Flabbergasted that he’d think you and Andrew were a thing.
Sure, the guy was nice. Kinda funny. But he was also full of himself and cocky, in an annoying way. Unlike Mattheo, who’s cockiness was charming, if that even made sense. Your best friends full of himself and cocky nature was fine to you, not bothering you. But Andrew, it felt forced. Like he was over doing it. It did nothing for you. Unlike when it was Mattheo, it checked all your boxes.
Your best friend show you a slightly dark look, which hurt you. “Honestly, I don’t care who you spend your time with. Date whoever you want!” He spat.
You were surprised, and saddened by his words. “Matty...” you said softly, voice cracking a little. “I’m not dating him, or am interested in Andrew...or any one. Well, except for one guy, but...forget it".
The way you spoke, the tone and the look on your face broke Mattheo. His face dropping into a guilty look. Before he could say anything – mostly apologise and beg for forgiveness – you took off for the Castle. And he swears he saw a tear or two. Pansy knocked into him as she rushed after you, looking back to shoot Mattheo a death glare.
Running a hand through his brown locks, he sighed in annoyance with himself. How could he do that, let his jealousy and anger get the best of him? And upsetting you. He wanted to kick his own ass at this point. His mates came up and offered a sympathetic look, before they too headed to the Castle. Mattheo straggling behind, dragging his feet.
The previous day you had avoided Mattheo. Choosing to keep your distance. It was safer then dealing with his mood. You didn’t get why he said what he said, and looked at you the way he did. Why did he care so much about if you were dating Andrew? Honestly, it’s none of his business whom you date.
Shaking your head you went back to the large book before you. You’d taken to hiding in the library this evening. Thinking that studying would be a smart way to distract yourself. Unfortunately, it didn’t offer much of a distraction. For your mind wondered to Mattheo, or Theodore and Lorenzo. It had been almost a whole day of avoiding them all. And you were getting bored, missing them all.
You wish you could say you knew this chapter on poisons, but even reading over it numerous times, the information never sticking. Brown curly locks and warm chocolate eyes plagued your mind. He always had. These feelings you had for Mattheo never went away, even when you tried your best to push them to the back of your mind.
With a sigh you closed the book. It was pointless. Getting up from your seat in the back corner of the library, you grabbed the book and moved to the rows of shelves to put it back. It was getting late also, which mean it would be time to head back to your house. Reaching a quiet section, you read over the books until you found the space for the book in your hands. Once it was in place you smiled softly running your hands down its spine.
There was something about the feel of an old book and its cover. Paired with the silence of the library, you felt content. Turning to head back the way you had came, you jumped, hand flying over your chest. Leaning against a shelf behind you was Mattheo. His eyes watching you, the way he looked at you was like a wounded animal. Leaning back against the wall you took a moment to calm your racing heart, and taking a few deep breathes.
“Sorry I scared you...” he said softly, almost like he’d spook you if he was too loud.
You nodded, unsure of what to say.
Silence filled the gap between you both. Mattheo’s gaze on you, watching your every move. While you look down, yet snuck a look every so often. How could almost not seeing each other feel longer then it was? A day felt like a week to both of you. Mattheo missed your laugh and sweet words. While you missed his presence and Mattheo’s smell; aftershave and cigarettes.
Finally, slowly, Mattheo push off the shelf and took a few steps before you, but stopped before getting too close. “(Y/N/N), I wanted to apologise for how I acted yesterday...I shouldn’t, nor did I have the right, to act the way I did or say what I said".
You could hear the genuineness in Mattheo's voice. You could see it in his eyes. He truly was sorry.
You nodded. “It’s alright Matty...” you replied softly.
He nodded. “Just promise me...promise me it’s not Andrew that you like, yeah?”
You looked at Mattheo confused. “N-no, I’d never be interested in him" you paused a moment, “w-why did you say that?”
He shrugged, looking down at the ground like it was fascinating. “You said there was a guy you are interested in...” his tone was tight, a bitterness to each word. “There’s a small list of guys I hate, please don’t let it be any of them".
You listened, processing Mattheo's words and his tone. You weren’t sure but it sounded like he was angry, but then it hit you. “A-are you jealous!?” You gasped in shock and surprise.
His eyes flew up, looking to you in a panic. “W-what!? N-no!” He stammered, taking a step back. Panicking because what you said was true.
You took a step forward. “Y-you are...why?”
Mattheo remained where he was, eyes blown wide as his mind and heart raced. You were close to learning the truth. And he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have you knowing the truth. How he hated other guys giving you attention, wanting you. Or how it was him that wanted you, needed you, loved you.
You studied the boy before you. The frightened look up his face, how he acted, the words he’d said. Slowly the dots were adding up. And you think – hoped – you’re conclusion was right; that Mattheo Riddle liked you. Your breath caught at the idea, heart picking up its pace. You were excited at the idea, yet you still needed confirmation.
Slowly and shakily, you stepped up to Mattheo. Both your eyes watching the other. This was it. What you were about to do, about to say was going to make or break your friendship. And you hoped he felt the same way as you, and finally you could be happy taking your friendship to the next level.
“Matty...” you said softly, just for the both of you to hear. “D-do you...d-do you like me?”
“O-of course! Your my best friend!” Was his rushed reply. Frightened that your question was you making sure he didn’t like you in a way that could break your friendship.
Yet when a sad, hurt expression crossed your face, did he think for a second he was wrong. Did you want it to be more then friendship between you? Did you like him as more then a friend? You slowly nodded your head, stepping back. Which broke Mattheo's heart. So without thinking, he reached out a hand and grabbed your wrist. Halting you from putting anymore distance between you both.
Your (colour) eyes snapped up, meeting Mattheo's chocolate brown ones. Silently pleading to be let go, yet he wouldn’t. Not till he knew for sure. Moving forward, he brought you closer to him. His other hand moving to cup your cheek. Mattheo searched your eyes for any hint of you wanting him to stop, that you didn’t want him like this. But to his surprise he didn’t see any objection. Surprise and hope. That was all he needed.
Taking that last step, one that he couldn’t come back from. Mattheo leaned in, lips hovering over yours. You could feel his warm breath upon your lips, his eyes looking to yours, giving you one last chance to stop this once and for all. Feeling a surge of confidence, you were the one to close the last sliver of a gap, lips finally meeting.
It was a soft, gentle kiss. Lips press together for a moment, before pulling back to hovering once more. You both looked at the other, seeing the joy and wanting in the others eyes. Mattheo finally moved the hand holding your wrist to your waist, before wrapping his arm around you and bringing you flush against him. Chest to chest. The hand cupping your cheek warm, his thumb caressing your cheek.
Mattheo then he pressed his lips to yours again, only this time harder. He tilted his head as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip. Without hesitation you opened your mouth, his tongue entering just as quickly. Your tongues met, moving together in quick caresses. Your eyes closed enjoying this passionate kiss with Mattheo. Without realising it, Mattheo moved forward, which had you moving backwards, until your back hit the wall. He caged you in, as well as hiding you both a little more.
After a while, you both had to pull back, your breathing heavy as Mattheo rested his forehead against yours. You both looked to the other, silly smiles on your faces. Giddy with how much you had longed for that moment.
“It was you...” you said softly, “the guy I like...”
Mattheo chuckled. “Yeah, I figured that now...”
Guess he didn’t need his mates help after all. All it took was him getting jealous, upsetting you and apologising for this to happen. Mattheo doesn’t regret it, or your first kiss. But he wish he’d known sooner that you felt the same way, so he wouldn’t have had to be jealous of Andrew.
#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo x you#mattheoxreader#mattheo x y/n
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through the feeds → social media post
hughes!sister x will smith au (samy x will)
some jumbled together recent posts on instagram from samy & the crew!
wanted to change some things up, so here’s some social media discourse from everyone & what they’ve been doing lately & probably the longest social media fic i’ve done (can u spot the mention of my other au that i haven't worked on since like february😭)
au masterlist
samyhughes some of summer & some of first sem
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user1 and she’s eating as always
user2 love love loveeee herrrr
hannahduke and she’s eating! and she’s slaying! mama..a hot girl behind you!
| samyhughes PEAK brain rot u are so funny
| hannahduke yeah i know don’t have to tell me 😌
| nick.moldenhauer i know that’s right!
| samyhughes get out of my comments with that
edwards.73 wow she's all grown up can't believe it
| samyhughes what am i gonna do without u next year 🥲
| edwards.73 don't remind me.
teddystiga_ no will???
| samyhughes he was in my last post
user3 wowowo ur gorg actually i wanna be u
user4 to be samy hughes wow
jameshagens_4 pro golfer right here
| samyhughes yeah i know what can i sayyyy
lhughes_06 where am i?? jack?? quinn? will?
| samyhughes dawg we barely took any pics together this summer u can't be talking
markestapa our sophomore ❤️
| samyhughes our senior citizen ❤️
zeevbuium28 damn what did will do to u 💔
| samyhughes plsssss he did nothing i swear
_quinnhughes come back to van
| samyhughes buy my ticket? 😁
ryan.leno_4 wow she's so michigan
| samyhughes wow i am
julianne_gelinas come back to boston we miss u
| samyhughes SEE YA THANKSGIVING!
jackhughes kind of hurt i'm not featured but when tf did u go golfing??
| samyhughes with will 🤗
| jackhughes bruh so u can go with him and not us
user5 will's so luckyyyy
user6 if samy has no fans i'm dead
gabeperreault44 wow these are good!
| samyhughes wow thanks gp! see ya in boston next week
rutgermcgroarty making me miss mich
| samyhughes it's not the same without u
kayleighdocherty_ sooo pretty samy!
| samyhughes love u kay!
aram_minnetian justice for my man wow
| samyhughes @_willsmith2 pls tell them i still love you
| _willsmith2 she doesn't love me anymore
user7 she knowsss she's hot
user8 still can't believe she's dating will smith
mackcelebrini san jose visit soon?
| samyhughes in the off season!
beckettsennecke_ make that san jose visit an anaheim one as well
| samyhughes on it!
_willsmith2 wow ur so cool
| samyhughes no way u too
_willsmith2 i'm in love with you
| samyhughes i'm in love with YOU come see me soon
_willsmith2 all good things 〽️📍
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gabeperreault44 FIRST LIKE
gabeperreault44 wow ok made the cut on last pic i guess??
gabeperreault44 THREE photos of samy and ONE of me...damn..
gabeperreault44 ALSO 5th pic???? crazyyyyyy but we know what u guys were up to...😏
| _willsmith2 four comments? new record for you. at least u made the cut and what can i say? i love my girlfriend
ryan.leno_4 we ALLL know why u posted pics 4 and 5..
| _willsmith2 shut up
lhughes_06 i can't believe my sister makes the instagram more than i do now.
| _willsmith2 sorry moosey 😭
lhughes_06 i also don't approve of pic 5. i thought we talked about this and ur hands..
| _willsmith2 i plead the 5th
user1 WOW this man really loves his gf where is my hockey bf
user2 sooo why aren't all hockey men like this bc COME ON 3 photos for her in this post????
zeevbuium28 ur sooo down bad hahaha
| _willsmith2 and what about it
jameshagens_4 honestly i respect
| ryan.leno_4 at least u got a feature 😭
rutgermgroarty u should kiss me instead
| _willsmith2 on my way!
mackcelebrini tuff
| _willsmith2 🥱
user3 hand placement helloooooo
user4 hottest couple fr
user5 these are so cute waittt awww
user6 i love when guys post their gfs all the time
edwards.73 we were chilling until pic 5...
| _willsmith2 i'm sorry 😭
markestapa so when's the wedding?
| _willsmith2 😳
jackhughes just glad to see u both really happy
| _willsmith2 wait thanks rowdy
_quinnhughes he's all grown up now
| _willsmith2 see u again in 3 🫡
user7 will immediately apologizing when ethan calls him out LMAO so funny
hannahduke this is basically a samy fan account now
| samyhughes i told u he was obsessed with me
aram_minnetian incredible, outstanding, breathtaking
| _willsmith2 what i do best
drewf2 yk what? hell yeah i appreciate the grind
| samyhughes MORE BRAIN ROT i can't escape it
| _willsmith2 how is this even brain rot? 😭
| samyhughes u just don't get it
julianne_gelinas she def trained u well
| samyhughes can't make him look like couch guy
| _willsmith2 now that's brain rot
michaelhagens_11 bagged it frrr
| _willsmith2 100%
graceccsmith so cutie will
| _willsmith2 miss u gracie ❤️
samyhughes 3 features?? wow i feel so special
| _willsmith2 u for sure are
samyhughes yuppp we look good in pic 5 idk what people are talking about
| _willsmith2 me neither😻
gabeperreault44 threw in some archival finds
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_willsmith2 awkward thumbs up for the win
| gabeperreault44 i honestly don't even remember that pic
ryan.leno_4 wow throwback for sure
| gabeperreault44 is that sarcasm
| ryan.leno_4 what makes you say that
aram_minnetian woooowwww 1st pic...😏
| gabeperreault44 like it? 😛
user1 AWWW the 4th pic is adorable
user2 i always wonder what prompts them to add these pics into the photo dump
drewf2 good shit
| gabeperreault44 soph szn 🔥
jacob_fowler24 wow ur so cool fr
| gabeperreault44 am i?
emmagcooper wow these are great gabe!
| gabeperreault44 wow thanks em!
user3 i miss seing leno smitty and gp all together at bc
user4 doesn't feel the same without smitty there with them😭
user5 he's the cutest omg
hannahduke great photo choices gabe!
| gabeperreault44 thanks hannah!
liliane_perreault so cute gp! miss u
| gabeperreault44 miss u too lili
jameshagens_4 wow so aesthetic
| gabeperreault44 trying something new yk
| michaelhagens_11 be real emma chose half of these for him
| emmagcooper now who said that??
samyhughes AWWW i miss u gabo come to michigan soon
| gabeperreault44 only if u come to boston first
eamonpowell_ looking fresh gp!
| gabeperreault44 appreciate it e
jperreault_44 looking good brotha
| gabeperreault44 thanks jp
_willvote this good 🔥
| gabeperreault44 🔥 u know it
rutgermcgroarty might cheer for bc this year...
| gabeperreault44 bold of u to say that on here
ryan.leno_4 not a lot going on
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gabeperreault44 TUFF lean
| ryan.leno_4 keeping it quiet 🤫
_willsmith2 is this contract posting?
| ryan.lneo_4 does it seem like it?
user1 crazy photo lineup tbh
user2 so adorable actually
user3 i love reading everyone's comments they're so funny
drewf2 GETTT ITTT
| ryan.leno_4 climbing our way uppp
aram_minnetian wow ur hot leno
| ryan.leno_4 no u
julianne_gelinas these are interesting pics to pair together
| ryan.leno_4 if u hate me just say it
| julianne_gelinas ur so weird
user4 i lowk wish i was friends with all of them they seem so fun to be around
user6 this post screams hockey kid
rutgermcgroarty yuppp fresh
| ryan.leno_4 🥱
jameshagens_4 mhmm u know it
michaelhagens_11 woah who's that in 3rd pic 😏
teddystiga_ WOAH 3rd pic...mhm
| gabeperreault44 i gyatt to know who it is
| samyhughes now this was crazy
| ryan.leno_4 😉
zeevbuium28 be mine? 😫
| ryan.leno_4 i'm taken already
samyhughes no julianne feature is criminal
| julianne_gelinas that's what i'm saying
| ryan.leno_4 pls don't cancel me
jacob_fowler24 u should marry me instead lean
| ryan.leno_4 tempting offer but i have to refuse
hannahduke i can't figure out the vibe of this tbh
| ryan.leno_4 it's ok u don't need to figure it out
_willvote my idol
| ryan.leno_4 ur my idol
hannahduke 3's my lucky number
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samyhughes ur KIDDING i love u
| hannahduke i LOVE U BABE
julianne_gelinas hotttttt omg
| hannahduke that's literally all u
user1 damn all of these friends are so good looking
user2 what does it take to be a part of this friend group?
nick_moldenhauer mich year 2
| hannahduke i love mich
dylanduke25 ur ugly
| hannahduke alright.
tyler__duke5 twin
| hannahduke my twin
kayleighdocherty_ literally adorable hannah
| hannahduke love uuuuu
alyssa_duke AWWW han i miss u so much ur so cute
| hannahduke miss u too lyss ❤️
user3 hannah duke > dylan and tyler
| user4 LMAOOOOOO
gabeperreault44 tuff hannah
| samyhughes these comments from them confuse me
| hannahduke no same
ryan.leno_4 nice rainbow
| hannahduke isn't it nice?
zeevbuium28 soo group meetup when?
| hannahduke ask miss hughes when we're going to the lake house @samyhughes
| samyhughes texting jack and quinn rn
_willsmith2 i see we're competing for the most samy feature rn...
| hannahduke oh i didn't know this turned into a competition.
| samyhughes guysss don't fight over me
samyhughes me and this team #team30 let's keep it coming 〽️
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gabeperreault44 this is 100% contract posting
| samyhughes ok and?
ryan.leno_4 ur so obvious when u contract post
| samyhughes bruhhh leave me alone
hannahduke woo super proud of u!!!
rutgermcgroarty ok contract posting
lhughes_06 NCAA TITLE SOON!!!
| samyhughes FINGERS CROSSED!
_quinnhughes wow!! #featureher #fyp
| samyhughes wow musical.ly core
user1 #1 PLAYERRR
user2 wishing the best for her national title soon!
user3 this girl does it all wow
user4 i wish i had the brains, the boy, the skill, the friends, the looks
kayleighdocherty_ YEAHH kill it!!
jackhughes taught u well 🥱
| samyhughes 🫡
edwards.73 wait i'm gonna miss watching u play
| samyhughes now don't get emotional or else i'll be emotional
markestapa gonna miss these friday-saturday-sunday 3-4 bender weekends
| samyhughes gonna miss watching u and eth sprint from the yost to the stands
seamuscasey26 supa cool little hughes
julianne_gelinas she's so cool and awesome omg
| samyhughes no that's u
jameshagens_4 ohhh she's a soccer starrr
| samyhughes ohhhhh
zeevbuium28 remember me when ur famous
| samyhughes for sure z dw
g.brindley4 coolest hughes!
| lhughes_06 now that's offensive
jacob_trucott20 i always knew i had a favorite hughes sibling
| lhughes_06 alright
aram_minnetian still no will feature damn
| samyhughes plsss give me a break
_willsmith2 ur actually the coolest wow
| samyhughes we can tie for 1st
mackcelebrini i had no idea u played soccer
| samyhughes shut up
beckettsennecke_ my inspiration
| samyhughes 😌
teddystiga_ yupppp love a good sports post
| samyhughes had to change it up
y’all lmk if u want more bc i love doing these 🙂↕️
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith imagine#will smith x oc#boston college hockey#uofmichigan#boston college#umich hockey#will smith hockey social media#will smith hockey fluff#ws6#wsh2#bc eagles#bc hockey#boston college hockey blurb#boston college hockey imagine#bostoon college imagine#boston college imagine#umich#umich blurbs#umich imagine#umich fic#umich soccer#umich wolverines#gabe perreault#ryan leonard#macklin celebrini#luke hughes
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@carpediemma made a poll post about which characters would be who in an alice in wonderland au and none of the one's winning are the ones i want so i will now be justifying my thesis
alice - niko. above all else, alice must be curious and kind. she is also afraid, a lot, because she's in a wild new world - very similar of how niko is scared and in a new world (both ghost/supernatural, america, and a world without her father)
white rabbit - edwin. polite yet preoccupied, punctual yet anxious, obsessive yet unpredictable, always dressed smart... the similarities go on. and while i think some of their actions might not align entirely, i think there is a case to be made for edwin shewing someone along, insisting it must be done his own way
mad hatter - charles. playful, defiant to social norms, bit of an eccentric dress style! though charles is a bit less over the top, i feel that in the right environment, he could go totally mad. hatter has a lot of fun but there is this hint of despair to him which to me, entirely emulates charles
the dormouse - jenny. tired, confused, and underpaid, next question
the march hare - maxine. unpredictable, bizarre, reckless, excitable. not a huge character so not too much to go from but i see some loose similarities in the erratic nature - it's not that they're evil, it's that they're so invested in existence that they might stab you
please do not think of the implications of shipping the dormouse and the march hair i will not be held responsible for that
tweedledee and tweedledum - litty and kingham. petty?? childish?? looks similar??? guys come ON there is no more iconic duo in dbda! they're not very kind, they're not anti violence, they love attention- am i talking about the tweedles, or litty and kingham? you literally can't tell.
the caterpillar - tragic mick. appears when alice is uncertain and needs help, prompts her to reflect on her own identity. not particularly nice but is very helpful and kind, in his own way. calm, almost cryptic, slow manner of speech.
cheshire cat - the cat king. im not gonna explain this one
ok guys bare with me for the next two. they're kinda controversial. i could see them flipped and i did flip them many times but this is what i decided on
the duchess - esther. the duchess is abusive to her child (monty), but can be overly affectionate, as well. duchess is hella comedic in a dark way, she's got a fucked up relationship with power (duchess is a slave to the Queen, esther is a slave to the Snake), she's absurdly contradictory (like esther and her contradiction of wronging girls using lilith's gift)
the queen of hearts - the night nurse. the queen cannot see a way of life other than executions. i know she SEEMS hella emotional, but legit, i think it's more this desperate desire for feelings and sensations because she is so stuck in a loop of being listened to. the night nurse is similarly stuck in this loop of bureaucracy. neither are happy and neither have any true meaning to their lives. they both also seem to lack a nuance to empathy (nurse thinking ends justify the means so no need to feel guilty about the means, almost viewing finding the boys as a game in order to feel SOMETHING). neither would not survive a day in therapy
the king of hearts - kashi. foil to the queen of hearts, very minor character. gentle, soft spoken, trying his best, exists more in his own universe than anywhere else. the key difference is if they went to therapy, kashi's therapist would end up getting therapied, and king would just break down sobbing
the knave of hearts - monty. while if esther was the queen, maybe this would be more apt, but this is my analysis so i'll do what i want. the knave is a victim of absurd injustice, is somewhat sympathetic but ultimately a perpetuater of this same system. monty does the same thing with esther & her abuse. he is also young and handsome which, we've all seen joshua colley, i don't need to explain
the talking rose - crystal (with/pre-david.) haughty, mean, cruel, flirtatious. she's not a villain but she's definitely not on your side. she's critical, both of your looks, personality, and general vibe. but she's also just one of the many flowers, kind of how crystal was just one of the rich kids, not really doing all that much
in this version, i'd have when the flower's roots are freed be the same energy as the boy's getting rid of david. moment of self-transformation, free from curse. i will probably make a follow up post on how i'd do the plot, but i wanted to throw that bit on david out there.
#yes i KNOW i combined alice in wonderland & looking glass characters fight me#dead boy detectives#alice in wonderland#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#the cat king#jenny the butcher
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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mmh...
#y'all am i broken or smth pls guide me through this#why do i find it so hard to have crushes or date or meet someone new#like i instantly panic when someone gives any hints or someone close to me talks about 'knowing'#someone#like my mom told me about a guy she/her friend knows and asked me if id like to meet him#and nothing about him seems wrong but my mind just instantly goes 🚨🚨🚨 like WHY#like i feel it in my throat#also i do not like those 100 rituals that desi parents fall into the moment their kid tells them they like someone#that whole tumult around it and the 'NOW Y'ALL GOTTA MARRY' bs#but it's not just that i rlly dunno what it is about meeting ppl or relationships like i just wanna be alone and#write my shit and live my life yk#but also i want love#LIKE HELP WHYYYYYY#actually i honestly feel like ive written too many stories about romance and ruined reality for myself LOL#but yeah idk.. this makes me anxious but maybe ill still meet him#bc you never know#yk
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Me, my friend, and her daughter (she's 5) were walking at the park today and her daughter just reached up and grabbed my hand and held my hand for like 5 minutes while we were walking and i almost started crying
#she didn't want me to leave when i was leaving 🥺#we saw a little baby mouse in the visitor's center at the park and got the people there to rescue it and she wanted to pet it so bad 🥺#i think my new best friend is a 5 year old little girl even though I'm really awkward around kids#like what do you talk to them about? hello child i am 23 and depressed but you are 5 and adorable pls don't ever grow up#i gave her a bee i crocheted bc it was from a kit that andrew got me and it was supposed to be a 'turtle bee' where it was a turtle and you#took it's shell off and it was a bee. i only ever got around to making the bee part and then we broke up and i couldnt look at it anymore so#i gave it to her and she's like why doesn't it have a mouth and my first thought was well kid I didn't feel like looking at it anymore and#you'll appreciate it more than i will so you can have it even without the mouth.#im debating on giving her the squishmallow he gave me. cause it's currently wedged between my bed and the wall#but it's cam and he was my favorite squishmallow before Andrew got it for me. like i already had one this one is a different edition#so like i want to keep it bc it's a Christmas sweater cam. but i dont want to keep it bc ouchy memories. and she'd get more use out of it#than it being wedged between my bed and the wall so i dont have to look at it#we were driving back from this store bc her mom had to pick up a uhaul and she was too small to ride with her so she got to ride with me#and this poor little 5 year old had to carry the conversation bc i didnt know what to talk to her about 😂 she's like what do you do when#you're home and im like don't tell her you lay in bed all day you can't tell the chils you're depressed and im like i like to read and play#with my animals and crochet. she was very jealous that i have cats. and when we were driving back from the park i had music on and her mom#and me were talking and shes like I CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC GUYS and her mom goes that's her way of telling us to shut up. and then we stopped#talking and she's like i still can't hear the music 🙄 so i turned it up some and im like jen im introducing your daughter to waterparks 😂
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update <3
#in case anyone remembers the saga about the guy i’d been talking to for like a week then made out with then he promptly ghosted me despite#having given one of those ‘even if it doesnt work out i still want to be friends’ claims and all my additional choosing insanity over it#well. finally got one of my friends to go to the restaurant he works at with me#also keep in mind that that stuff happened in like november we literally havent spoken in months i am just choosing to continue being#insane bc i think i deserve to#anyway. so my friend and i go to the restaurant and unfortunately he isnt there#but before we leave i ask the waitress hey um do you happen to have a coworker named [redacted]#and she was like oh yeah is he a friend of yours? :) and my friend says no. and i say …. i know him#waitress can tell that i dont mean i know him in a good way too. she laughs and says it seems like theres a story here but she doesnt ask#anything further. instead she proceeds to tell me his fucking work schedule ajdjsjjfkf#she was like yeah he worked this morning he usually works thursday mornings then all weekend :)#so shes my new hero#idk if this guy has also gotten himself on bad terms with her or if she just knows what hes like or if she just understood the implication#of an irritated girl coming in asking after a guy bc she ‘knows him’#but she rly understood the assignment. anyway im in love with her now <3#OMG i almost forgot the best part. after telling me this she asks do you want me to give him a message and i saw yes i sure would. tell him#sam said hi :)#anyway i will be dragging my friend back there with me at the end of the month on a weekend to continue antagonizing this specific asshole#sam speaks
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Lmao so I started my new job today. Overall very good I think. I’m still getting used to their system and learning all the names of people. It was a lot to take in a day but hopefully it will get easier as the week goes by. One thing that I think will probably happen though is that’s it’s gonna be slow and I’m gonna get bored really fast. Just gotta find ways to keep entertained. Also maybe get snacks for my desk. Hopefully I find joy in this new job.
#also something kinda of funny happened today#I mean funny in the way everyone reacted but not funny in what was said#so like today I guess one of my coworkers had handed out something to another coworker#it was some form or something#anyways she goes back to get it from her and she was trynna talk playing about no take backs or whatever#so then she blurted out something about being an ind*an giver#and literally all the people around the cubicle turned around and gasped#95% of my new coworkers are white btw#it gave the same energy as that one video where the lady says you need to leave to the guy in the town meeting#everyone was like oh no honey you can’t say that#it was so awkward and like they looked to me to like say something like what tf am I supposed to say to that?#if anything I’m a little offended that they all looked to me on how to react to the saying#as if I were the person of color to step up and tell them they were wrong
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okay so um. apparently tumblr has started terminating accounts when people use vpns on desktop? idk if theres any major evidence of this but its been happening to many people apparently including people who have previously used vpns and been fine (its been happening more with the bot resurgence apparently) and i dont want to risk it but the thing is for the next eleven days im stuck in a country were tumblr is literally banned and i cannot access it without a vpn so um. im not gonna be on tumblr for the next few days !!! if you need me ill still be on discord and if youre a mutual who doesnt have me on there ask luce (@legobatmen) for it. bye i will miss you all very much<3
#i am. genuinly quite upset about this. bc tumblr is the many place were i talk to many of my friend esp luce#nd she doesnt even get discord notifs so -__- literally f uck my life#also i had a whole plan for a thing i wanted to do next year and like. start the blog nd stuff for at new year -__-#starting it a few days late isnt a huge deal but still#idk man im just very upset by this. ik ppl laugh at the idea tht social media can mean tht much to a person but like.#this is were i talk to all of my friends basically . nd i can do tht on discord. but not as much yk . nd i already wasnt enjoying this trip#as much as if we had j stayed home. ugh#idk maaybe ill make more shit if im not j scrolling tumblr all day . silver linings ig#also luce im sorry for not asking b4 telling ppl to dm u for my discord u r j the person i trust the most when it comes to sharing it w ppl#also most likely no one will ask bc most ppl i otherwise talk tohave mydiscord already yk#anyway i shld finish this post bc itsnot smart for me to keep being on tumblr rn. bye will miss u guys sm<3#flappy rambles
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KSTSSJSGXGDUXGNVUSVHXIB
#GOD#Just had my birthday party and it was a wonderful time#BUT#My dear friends new mans has the same real name as piano man#and I was trying to tell my other friends (after friend and bf had left coincidentally) that I like PIANOMAN#and they both fucking thought I was saying I am a simp for HER BF#AND I WOULD NEVER#First of all I'm not a homewrecker and second of all he is NOT my type and third of all they're ADORABLE together#my friend knows about pianoman and I told her I had a crush on him before she mentioned her bf and she was like#oml lmao we'll both have a [his name] if you get together that would be so funny#and we were dressed in fancy princess outfits and I was like we need to do this again and hopefully next time we'll BOTH have a [name]#and she thought it was funny#so I didn't think anything of it when I mentioned pianoman to the others and they both got v weird looks and were quiet#and I explained myself but now my RSD is beating the shit out of me#like!!!! I am not talking about that guy I'm talking about the one who played me the piano and is in my audio drama dammit
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lmaoooo the people who excuse people’s toxic behavior with their zodiac sign??? major red flag, buddy. maybe you should go get that checked.
hate me all you want babe because you know that i won’t fall for your nonsense, and agree with everything that comes out of your mouth.
#.txt#lol news flash: people that are older than u are not smarter or better than you#lmaoooo seek therapy. love u really need it <3#hating everyone in the world is not cute or quirky#pls develop a real personality trait#i hate everyone and judge people who don’t agree with everything i say lol i am scorpio 🤪#lol trash talks about their so called friends#and yet doesn’t get rid of them hmmm 🤔#she’s probably doing the same thing about you behind your back#don’t be naive#they say loves is blind girl so is friendships#everyone in the world around me is wrong#i am not capable of being toxic or problematic#like girl look in the mirror!!!#also wants to have dinner with a racist politician#HAAAAAA MY GOD#that guy is not someone to flex about babe#obviously you haven’t been paying attention to anything#but im being judgy based off of what people tell me#right? because love…you’re doing the same exact thing#im glad the feeling we have is mutual#and i hope we never cross paths#you don’t deserve to get to know me#we both know i wouldn’t be afraid to call you out#you should grow out of that toxic high school mindset#ur literally almost 30#grow up <3
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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I work in emergency medicine, and I can tell you that a sense of doom is something we take extremely seriously. A sudden, overwhelming feeling of doom is a symptom of an imminent heart attack. When I worked 911 on an ambulance and a patient reported feeling like the world was about to end, or like they were going to die, even without any other symptoms? We rushed them to the hospital as fast as we possibly could.
I'm saying this from a place of genuine care: if you are seeing ghosts or shadows or having nightmares... and sageing, eggshells, Crystal's, and psychics arent cutting it..
Please.. please... check for things like gas leaks, water damage, vermin. I'm not saying your house isnt haunted, I'm just saying that carbon monoxide poisoning looks a LOT like being haunted.
#textposts#my additions#my mom has a story she tells about a time when she was a resident and a patient was about to undergo a common and safe procedure#when the patient turned to her and said#I am going to die.#my mom reassured her said no no!! this is a routine thing we've checked for everything you're going to be fine i'll see you when you wake up#the woman was convinced#partway through the surgery the woman had an unexpected cardiac complication and died#sometimes your body knows something is deeply deeply wrong but it doesn't know how to communicate that other than#screaming WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE and look i know very well that a sense of doom isalso v much an anxiety thing but i have severe anxiety#and panic disorder and i can also tell you from talking to patients and other people with panic/anxiety that there is also a difference#between those experiences and a sudden complete certainty that you are going to die and the world is about to end#also psychiatric emergencies are still emergencies i've responded to those too#in general changes in signs and/or the appearance of symptoms that are sudden-onset and severe are bad news and you should call your primary#if you're not sure if it's an emergency or not#ALSO it's far far far better to get checked and found to be physically not in danger (but probably kept under observation for a bit--#see the story above) than to say i'm fine there's no point to going and getting triaged and then fucking dying#like i know i KNOW the medical system is extortion I KNOW I WORK IN IT AND IT FUCKS ME OVER TOO but it's BECAUSE i've seen what happens#to people who said i can't afford to take the time to go to the hospital/money to call 911 and really#really#should have#that i emphasize that you can't actually make money or provide for your family if you're dead#or permanently disabled or incapacitated#there was a guy who had a stroke at 5am. he didn't call 911 until 8pm.#also living near enough to a health center is a blessing and if you do i am begging you to make use of it i've worked in public hospitals in#kenya mostly but other places too that were in similar situations and working in emergency medicine depending on the area etc etc there may#even be a bias towards young and healthy men like i wasn't taking care of chronic cases except when they needed help in the burn ward and#so many people had ancient injuries and scars because they would have or probably TRIED to get to a hospital to a dispensary even#to get help but getting to the nearest health center would ask for walking four hours over farmland if they were lucky treacherous rocks#if they weren't (i've worked in highlands and on the coast) and like. they would have given an arm--and i wish i weren't being literal when
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happy life, happy wife | hugh jackman
an: “you attract what you fear” GUYS IM SO SCARED OF A 55 YEAR OLD AUSTRALIAN 😭 definitely thinking about making marvel actress!reader x hugh an actual series… i have ideas
marvel actress!reader
Deadpool & Wolverine Press tour - Hot Ones
Hugh felt like he was going to die. Each wing was getting hotter and hotter, but immediately when he heard his wife’s name he forgot all about the spice.
“Hugh, your wife is part of the Avengers, how does it feel having your wife be part of such a huge franchise? Have you two talked about a potential team up with the X-men and the Avengers?” Sean asked.
“My wife . . . Oh god, I think I’m crying-”
“I can’t tell if you’re legitimately dying or completely in love with your wife.” Ryan told Hugh.
“Wait . . I am completely in love with my wife and I would legitimately die for her.” Hugh gasped as he rearranged Ryan’s words.
“Is that in the contract she made you sign when you married her? ‘I vow to die for you’. My contract said I had to give all my money to my kids and wife.” Ryan said.
“No, she’s amazing, um, if I start talking about her I think I might go on for hours,” he laughed. “Our kids do want to see their parents fighting the bad guys together. We would love to team up, maybe it could happen.” Hugh smiled.
“The entire movie would be them making out and her beating the shit out of you. I’d pay to see that.” Ryan added.
•••
Comic Con 2024
Like RDJ, your last Marvel movie had been Avengers: Endgame. After being in ten mcu films, it was time to say goodbye to your character.
But that was in 2019.
At this years comic con, you were back. The cast of Deadpool & Wolverine had taken the stage and showed their appreciation for the fans. After their panel, it was time to announce Marvel’s upcoming projects. Kevin Feige announced the Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, Captain America 4, and finally the new Avengers movies, which everyone was extremely excited about.
After showing the title card for the upcoming Avengers film, Kevin turned to the audience.
“Something people have been asking, as of late, is who the heck is going to direct these two movies?” The audience clapped.
From the side of the stage, you were nervous. What if the fans didn’t like the idea of you directing the next two Avengers films? Your worrying caused Hugh to come to your rescue.
“Hey, they loved you as an Avenger, they will love you even more.” Hugh kissed your forehead. “If anyone says anything about this decision, they have me to deal with.”
You laughed at his words. “I really love you so much.”
“Love you too, bub.” Hugh was about to kiss you when Ryan cut in.
“I really love us too. I convinced half of the people here that we’re a throuple.” He said in the most serious tone ever.
Kevin announced you as the director. Your doubt of the fans not liking the announcement was proven wrong when you walked the stairs to the stage and stood next to Kevin. They cheered when they saw you were back.
As you said a few words, thanking Marvel, Kevin and the fans, you were being recorded by Hugh, who was being recorded by Ryan.
“That’s my wife!” Hugh cheered from backstage, holding his phone in his hand.
“She’s Marvel Jesus now, holy shit!”
•••
WIRED autocomplete interview
“Is Hugh Jackman married?”
“Yes, to me, Y/n, probably to half the population,” Ryan answered. “He’s Australia’s biggest slut.”
“All the times, I proposed.” Hugh laughed. “But yes, I am married and I love my wife very much. She’s stuck with me forever.” He lifted his hand to show off the wedding band.
“Funny, because she texted me right now. Her and Blake are in the courthouse getting married. So Deadpool three was actually made so our wives could divorce us and marry each other.”
#hugh jackman#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman imagine#wolverine#marvel actress!reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine fanfiction#hugh jackman fanfic#hugh jackman one shot
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