#so sad gifs are so blurry because the other versions look SO MUCH BETTER AND SO MUCH PRETTIER

[shutupdevvie]

Greta Van Fleet’s Albums

inspired by @falsegod

[putschki1969]

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Review

Note: I FINALLY got my package. Now that I watched the full live in HD, I thought I would share m thoughts and a little present below the cut ^_^ As always, I would like to encourage everyone to SUPPORT Wakana by BUYING her Blu-ray!!! Her sales numbers aren’t the greatest which is a huge shame since this is a solid release.

Overall thoughts: I got the Limited Edition of course since I couldn’t resist the pretty sleeve packaging, the bonus documentary (so insightful) and the photobook (scans coming up soon). It is quite pricey but totally worth the money, especially if you are among those fans who liked “Magic Moment” much more than Wakana’s debut album. The release comes with a gorgeous clearfile as tokuten so be sure to get it! Try going for the Regular Edition if you want to save money. As for the live itself, it was a pleasure to watch and I can see myself rewatching it a lot (skipping a few songs though :P). Wakana’s voice coaching lessons are definitely starting to pay off. She has so much stamina these days. Can you believe that this was her SECOND live performance of the day? Her vocals were solid, even during her high-demand power ballads. At rarely any point did she sound overly-screechy to my ears, there were certain sections that didn’t sound 100% smooth but those parts definitely didn’t take away from my  overall enjoyment. On a side note, this live was a feast for the eyes, Wakana looked absolutely beautiful in her white dress and I even liked her encore outfit even though it was a little “out there” XD During the more up-beat songs, her smile literally lit up the entire hall. Seeing her have so much fun on stage is healing. I feel like they may have gone a little overboard on the blurry filters from time to time but I guess that was on purpose. 

1.揺れる春: 6/10. This is obviously the perfect cute intro for a Spring Lives so I understand why Wakana put it here but I would have much preferred “breathing” as a grand entrance. Still so sad that this is the only song from the “magic moment” album that didn’t make it onto the setlist of this live. I know, we already got an official audio recording but I would have loved some video footage to accompany it :P Anyways, back to Yureru Haru. I haven’t really warmed up to the song yet. It’s not bad and I honestly love the verses since they are super precious and feel kinda nostalgic but the chorus doesn’t stand out imo. Also, her singing style during parts of the chorus isn’t my favourite and not overly flattering. 2.where: 4/10. Oh no!! I was hoping Wakana would be singing the “ohhhohhhs”. She could have easily done it during the start and middle part of the song since it wasn’t overlapping with her other vocals. This seems so rushed? Is it just me? I haven’t listened to the studio version in a while but I know that I quite enjoyed that and it definitely didn’t make me feel as fidgety as this. Don’t know what it is exactly but it keeps me from getting into the song. I guess this is the biggest disappointment for me because I wanted to like it. 3.君だけのステージ: 4/10. I will admit it, this is not my favourite song. It’s just way too long :P But it is a very good and energetic performance, really no complaints when it comes to Wakana. But experiencing it live at the venue would have made it so much better for me. Oh well, nothing that can be done about it. The scat part at the end was a pleasant surprise. Would have loved to hear more of that. 4.442: 100/10. Honestly a masterpiece. One of Wakana’s best solo songs up-to-date and so very perfect to show off her vocals. Hearing it live like this with a band arrangement is a revelation. I love the wailing in the beginning and all the strength she conveys throughout the rest of the song. 5.ひらり ひらり: 3/10. Another song I haven’t warmed up to yet. No real thoughts. It’s one of those songs that’s just very forgettable, not bad per se but there is just nothing at all that attracts me to it. :-( As you can tell, I wasn’t entirely happy with some of the setlist choices. Wakana obviously wanted to include all the album songs but some of them are just not my cup of tea T_T 6.夕焼け: 6/10. This is one of the pieces that gets better every time I listen to it. And the latter half of the song is generally much nicer. I am always surprised by how much I actually like it when it’s over :P 7.アキノサクラ Acoustic ver.: 7/10. I am distracted by that harmonica sound-alike thingy Satoshi Takebe is playing XD Still, I have come to really like this song last winter so it is always appreciated, especially the acoustic version. Wakana is struggling a bit during the ending but nothing too bad. 8.myself: 100/10. Utter perfection. So much better than the studio version. And I am not saying this because I disliked the studio version, quite the contrary actually, I LOVED it but these two versions are honestly miles apart. Wakana’s live performance feels so much more raw and emotional. And her vocals in this are pretty much flawless, I can’t even begin to describe how this song makes me feel. A perfect ballad for Wakana. 9.メロディー (Cover): 8/10. My first reaction was boring. But by the third listen I was totally smitten and now it’s among my faves from this live. Be sure to give it a few tries, it really grows on you. I can tell why Takebe would choose this for Wakana. 10.元気を出して (Cover): 8/10. Ahhhhh, so freaking cute and old-school. Nothing beats a nostalgic, fluffy pop song from the 80s. I am here for this content. The “lalalas” at the end are LOVE. 11.オレンジ: 6/10. I like the song but I have to be in the mood for it. And here we have that fake harmonica thingy again. I enjoy the sound of a harmonica about as much as the sound of an accordion (which means not at all :P) but it fits the vibe of the song so I am okay with it. The bridge is usually my favourite part but Wakana’s delivery wasn’t as smooth as I would have liked. It was nice to have this right after “Genki wo Dashite” because both are encouraging pick-me-ups. 12.恋はいつも: 10/10. One day I wanna hear her sing the “baby, baby” part!! Please! Another absolutely highlight, you all know that I ADORE  this song, I could listen to this FOREVER. It’s such a shame the corona guidelines do not allow the audience to sing along because the ending is so much more powerful if everyone is actually singing instead of just clapping. 13.Happy Hello Day: 8/10. Such a feel-good piece. Initially I didn’t like it much but seeing it performed with an audience during her Music Party and now here, has really made me fall in love with it. I have mentioned it before in my initial reaction to the YouTube leak but I wish she would have sung some lalalas at the end just as she did during her Music Party. 14.magic moment: 9/10. I KNEW I would love this song more once I got to hear it live. I still feel like the composition is a bit choppy and thus not as flowy as I would have liked from a power ballad like this but OMG, Wakana’s live performance is EVERYTHING. Blown away by her powerful vocals, she OWNS this song 15.時を越える夜に: 10/10. Two power ballads back to back. What more could I ask for? I know not many people liked Wakana’s solo debut but I personally always thought it was perfect for her. I consider this to be one of her best songs. Say what you will about Takebe but he certainly knows how to make Wakana shine, at least in my opinion. And the song has only gotten better with every live performance. Although I think I preferred the version from her Voice Tour. So very glad we got at least one track from Wakana’s first album. The original setlist actually included Kinmokusei and Kioku no Hito which are two of my faves (they were later exchanged with the two covers). 16.春を待つ (Kalafina Cover): 8/10. Despite this being one of Keiko’s favourite Kala-songs I never could bring myself to really appreciate it. It’s just an okay song for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it quite a bit but I don’t go out of my way to listen to it. However, I very much loved Wakana’s cover though, she does a good job singing everyone’s lines and since the original doesn’t have any harmonies her solo performance doesn’t feel too lacking. 17.あとひとつ: 10/10. Always a treat. Can’t believe this STILL hasn’t gotten an official release :P  But I understand Wakana’s reasoning, she wants to keep this song a unique live experience and it really is. I can’t help but tear up whenever she is singing this.

Documentary: I haven’t watched all of it yet but OMG, this is so cool. The first 20 minutes are dedicated to rehearsals. I love seeing Wakana like this, just being her cute dorky self. But poor baby, it was hard seeing her this exhausted after the big studio rehearsal (that’s what the gif is from - being her overdramatic self, she literally dropped dead to the floor). The second half of the documentary is Wakana talking about the production of the live and the different songs of the setlist. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (3,11 GB) 🎁

Documentary of Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (1 GB) 🎁

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 MP3s Google Drive 🎁

FOR ❗PERSONAL❗ USE ONLY DO ❗NOT SHARE ON OTHER SITES WITHOUT PERMISSION❗  

[crystxlclear]

sudden desire

chapter one: cupid fucked up

part two of sudden desire

prologue / masterlist

in which two best friends won’t admit they’re in love so decide to have a baby together instead.

pairing: marcus pike x female original character

warnings: mentions of divorce?

word count: 2.2k

author’s note: not much to say other than i decided this isn’t going to have any smut & it’s just going to be cute af because i’m not comfortable writing it and also the whole issue with under 18s reading & engaging in 18+ content makes things worse. so just enjoy this mostly wholesome but also sad and angsty fic about everyone’s favourite FBI agent falling in love :)

At first, Loren Hull wanted to throw Coraline Meyer a divorce party. Some massive, elaborate party with all their friends. "To celebrate the fact my best friend is finally free!" She'd explained, the day the final paperwork came through. But Coraline decided against it, making some paper-thin excuse that she had some work thing that she couldn't get out of. So, instead, she finds herself alone and sprawled out under far too many blankets on her couch, eating spoonfuls of ice cream like her life depended on it, watching some shitty horror film. At first, she’d tried watching some equally-shitty rom-com but the happy moments made her cry, which she found completely pathetic and embarrassing. Instead, she's resorted to laughing at the characters in the first cliche horror she could find for being so stupid and letting themselves get killed. She'd been in a couple of cheap horrors when she'd first started acting; they were all embarrassingly bad and Coraline likes to pretend they'd never happened.

The doorbell rings halfway through some drawn-out chase scene, fake screams falling from the blonde actress' mouth as some knife-wielding maniac in a cheap mask hunts her down. Coraline begrudgingly hauls herself up from her comfy position on the sofa and shuffles towards the door, socks scuffing across the carpet. The moment the blankets fall away, she’s freezing again, though she’s vaguely aware that her apartment’s about fifty degrees too hot. Still, she wraps her cardigan tighter around herself, finding it impossible to shift the shivers.

Coraline’s greeted by the grinning face of Marcus Pike. "Hey, sunshine." He grins.

Sunshine. The nickname he'd given her the first day they'd met, when she'd shown up far too early to a briefing. Cora’s older brother, Daniel, had been opening an art gallery in downtown D.C. and was convinced scammers were already trying to sell him fake paintings for exceptionally high prices. Marcus and his team were tasked with helping out; Coraline had been roped in by her brother to help, since she’d be there for the grand opening.

She’d been wearing some bright yellow dress she'd found at the back of her wardrobe; he'd complimented her when he'd arrived a few minutes later and it had been so long since anyone had given her a genuine compliment that she'd grown flustered and almost spilt coffee down herself. They'd grown closer and closer since then and she had no hesitation in calling him one of her best friends.

Marcus holds up a paper bag. "I brought Chinese food."

"Oh, you're an angel." Cora returns Marcus' grin, opening the door wide enough for him to step inside. She takes the bag from him and cradles it close to her like it’s a newborn baby, the warmth flushing through her body.

"I try." He chuckles as she pulls him into a hug. They hold each other close for a while, lingering just a little longer than normal, her hand clutching at the back of his t-shirt a little tighter.

Coraline slumps back onto the couch when they finally let each other go. She immediately combs through the bag in search of the chow mein she knows will be in there; their weekly Chinese takeout nights have become a tradition in the few months they've known each other and he knows her order like the back of his hand.

Marcus settles into the armchair opposite, grabbing his own food. "Happy divorce day, by the way."

Coraline groans. She'd hoped he'd forgotten about that — she hadn't mentioned it to him, either. The less said about it, the better. "Oh, god, don't remind me." She flings her head back dramatically against the couch cushions. "But, hey, I'm a single woman now. You should take your shot while you still have chance. I'm in high demand." She jokes.

"Are they lining up at your door?" Marcus chuckles, leaning forward in his chair.

"You know it, I'm a catch." She mumbles through a mouthful of noodles, wiggling her eyebrows at him. Marcus smiles wistfully over at her.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you, Cora."

"Oh, please." She snorts; she can feel her cheeks flushing as pink as the blanket she sits beneath. She still finds herself taken aback whenever he compliments her, she can’t help it. There’s just something about the way he seems to mean it that makes her heart swell inside her chest. She stares down at her food and pokes at an onion with the end of her chopsticks, hoping he won’t notice the bright flush of red that has swept across her face. "I'm never falling in love again, anyway."

"Why?"

Coraline looks up at him through her lashes. He’s still staring at her as she pokes at her noodles. "Too much unnecessary heartbreak." She pokes her toe out from under her blankets, nudging the half-empty pint of ice cream she'd been eating before he arrived. It’s melting and staining a ring onto her coffee table. It makes her shiver more than she already was. "I'd rather not go through the trauma again."

"Don't be so dramatic." He sniggers, kicking her lightly in the ankle.

Coraline fakes offence. She pokes Marcus back, furrows her eyebrows and pouts. "I'm not dramatic," she mumbles, ignoring the fact half an hour earlier she'd been crying into her ice cream like some character in the movie she'd been watching. "I just don't want to get hurt again."

Coraline has always had a problem with heartbreak. It seems to follow her. It happens too quickly, too often, and each time it chips away a little more at her heart. She's started to think that it’s inevitable, now. The sum of her heartbreak just makes her fragile.

Her first heartbreak at thirteen made her feel like her world was ending. By her second, at nineteen, she realised just how trivial that had been. The third heartbreak was the worst. It came at the expense of her younger sister Eve, barely seventeen with so many hopes and dreams, snatched away by a drunk driver on one quiet Sunday morning, as the sun shone brightly and the breeze ruffled the trees. The pain hit her where she was weak and left a spider-web of cracks inside her mind. She patched herself up with fractured smiles and make-believe until a little more sunshine crept through and she was herself again. Or, at least, half of herself.

When the fourth came, at the hands of the very person who'd helped her through the darkness, the person who stood by her side as she pulled the broken pieces of her heart back together, she was almost numb. Almost. It was almost like there was nothing left to break, nothing left to feel. Except there was and the cracks inside her threatened to burst apart.

Coraline has always known that hearts are easily broken, even when she was a child. The idea had never phased her until she felt it and it hurt more and more and more, until her bones were hollow and straining to hold together the pieces of her aching heart as it tried to tumble from her chest.

The thought of getting hurt again is a little too much.

Marcus smiles. "I get that." He’s silhouetted by the warm light of a street lamp that streams in through the window behind him. It turns the ends of his hair golden and his eyes amber as he tilts his head, like he’s trying to figure something out. Amber eyes gaze over the slight furrow of her brow and the glimmer that has appeared in her green eyes. "I hate him for hurting you, for making you think that way."

Coraline shakes her head. "Don't." She smiles, a great big beaming smile, that she’s worried might come off as fake, flashing across her face. "It was inevitable." Truthfully, she was half-gone before Scott even met her, dwelling too heavily on past heartbreak. They were perfectly wrong for each other; they'd both known it for a few years before things had turned sour but, back then, pretending to live in some blurry version of perfection, both silently screaming because it wasn't right. They weren't meant to be. They didn't work anymore, and hadn't for far too long. "And it was my fault, too."

When she and Scott first met, something made them believe things would work out. Opposites attract or some made-up cliché shit like that. She'd found herself drawn so quickly towards him; he was confident and sure of himself and he gave her this smile that sent welcome shivers through her bones. They got caught up in a whirlwind, pushing and pulling them, unrelenting. Things just moved too fast and they loved far too much, then far too little.

Coraline just wants to fall in love, slowly, to feel it smouldering so deep down in her bones for months before she realises what it is, when she’s head over heels and has fallen so deeply there‘s no way out. She doesn’t want to feel forced into loving someone, to spend her days convincing herself that she does. Because there would be nothing to doubt, she'll just know with complete and utter unwavering certainty. And she just wants someone to love her back, really, truly love her back, without compromise. Someone who’ll treat her right because he wants to, not because he has to.

"Aren't you hot under all those blankets?" Marcus questions. He's been wearing a suit jacket beneath his coat — it was so cold outside that the rain turned to ice the moment it hit the sidewalk — and he huffs out an uncomfortable deep breath as he pulls it off. "It's ridiculous in here."

"I'm always hot." She jokes with a smirk, raising an eyebrow. She tucks the blankets — all four of them — up under her chin. "But I'm freezing."

Coraline has had shivers set deep in her bones for months now. She can never seem to keep warm, permanently troubled by a chill that flushes through her. It’s becoming a real problem. Mostly because her heating bill is almost double that of normal, from the sheer number of times she dials the thermostat up as high as it will go.

Marcus scrunches up his jacket and throws it at her. She bats it away before it hits her square in the face, the button narrowly missing her eye. "Hey!" She protests, poised to launch the jacket back across the room directly towards his head.

"Wear it." He insists before chuckling as her expression softens. "Another layer to keep you warm."

"Oh.” Another pause, weighing up his expression, her eyebrow half-cocked in mild scepticism. But he seems genuine. “Thank you."

...

Coraline must have fallen asleep half an hour later. She'd trailed off mid-sentence, eyes fluttering closed, breath falling steady as she relaxed against the couch cushions. She's barely slept lately — an infuriating result of worrying about her impending divorce and a hectic filming schedule that is still in full swing — and neither she, nor Marcus, is surprised that sleep has prematurely pulled her under.

When she finally reopens her eyes, the dull light of daybreak is threatening to spill through the curtains and everything is neat. Marcus is gone; the entire apartment is silent, save for the soft hum of voices from some old black-and-white rerun on the TV. She doesn’t remember falling asleep or even closing her eyes; the last thing she remembers is Marcus throwing her his jacket and them talking for a while about nothing in particular as she’d turned off the horror film that had been playing in the background the whole time. She’s still wearing that jacket, now, her fingers tangled in the sleeves that are far too long for her. The jacket still smells like him, all familiar and comforting.

Coraline pokes her head out from underneath the blankets that are covering half her face. Her head had been resting on a small couch cushion when she'd fallen asleep — she'd been far too lazy to grab any others — but now the pillows from her bed prop her head up. Marcus must have put them there before he left; sometimes she sleeps so deeply that she isn’t surprised he hadn’t accidentally woken her up.

She finally manages to peel herself from the spot on the couch she's been laid on for over twelve hours, her knees protesting with a loud crack, every blanket tumbling to the floor. Her feet brush from her rug to the cold wooden floor and she shivers again because, of course, she’s unbearably cold again. Only her hands, that are stuffed into the pockets of Marcus' jacket, are warm.

The apartment is always quiet, now. Especially since Scott had moved out. Everything just feels empty, like she’s living in the house of a ghost, passing by empty picture frames that she's been too distracted to fill. She’s sure that Marcus has cleaned before he left; the half-melted tub of ice cream and empty Chinese food cartons are gone and even the dirty dishes she'd dumped in the sink have been washed and tucked away in the cupboard.

It’s the smallest of gestures, bringing her pillows so she’s comfortable and throwing out the trash, probably small and insignificant to anyone else. But the idea of doing any of it had bled all the energy from Coraline's bones and she’s so grateful.

She’s so painfully and heartbreakingly grateful for Marcus Pike and he has no idea.

[lilywoood]

Small Bump 5/?

I know I still have a lot of prompts and request on hold, and I’m working on it I have two almost done that I’ll post later this week, also I’m still sick, so I’m concentrating on my recovery too and I can be a bit absent or non responsive, anyway as I promised yesterday here is part 5 with finally some Eddie in it, he’s going to be more present now I already have the beginning of part 6 ready sooo, I hope y’all like part five thought !

Tag List : @diazbuckleysworld @felicitous-one @cherishingstydia @translucent-bisexual @gxtop @profangirl1999 @zola9612 @impossiblealice @sergeant-barnes-and-his-captain @meloingly @shipping-queen @my-name-i-we @reecedaddario @fyeahhipsterdoctor @evan-diaz-buckley @duckcollectorus @gracieemma16 @snorlaxishere @fandomfullofgayness @zeethebooknerd @nilshki @adamngoodbuck @reenesie @hardychick89 @lovegiveortakefivethousandyears @peroquenotevean @thegreatgherkin87 @chrrlees

Once again if you want to be tagged on Small Bump just hit the askbox ♥️

Words count : 1062

Song : Small Bump- Ed Sheeran

Trigger warning ⚠️ : miscarriage scare

Something changed between them, something shifted, the dynamic wasn’t the same anymore, as if a glass broke, as if he punched a mirror and finally saw the possibility, the what if, the different versions of them, the better one, the happy one, something changed between him and Buck, and what he witnessed after that night, what he felt, what he discovered was too much too soon, he didn’t know if he was ready or if he wanted to be ready, if he wanted to jump through the looking glass.

He noticed the shift in their relationship, he remarked how it was more tense, different, awkward, he was aware that it was his fault, that he’d been the one causing the tension between him and Buck, he knew that Buck lied when he pretended not remembering that night, he knew it because he noticed the lingering look and the sadness in the other man eyes, he noticed how the light was gone in them, remarked how he missed it, how he missed being the only one able to provoke that glim, that light, that love, something broke between them and he wasn’t sure he was able or ready to fix it just yet.

Their relationship wasn’t the only thing that changed thought, he wasn’t blind he’d remarked how he seemed to be more tired, how he was getting thinner and thinner, how he wasn’t taking care of himself properly, how Buck started to draw himself away from the team, how he seemed more dependent of Bobby, as if they shared some kind of secret, Buck was slowly becoming a mere shadow of his former self and that what worried Eddie the most.

Still he couldn’t bring himself to have that conversation, couldn’t help but cowardly turn a blind eyes and act as if nothing happened, he wasn’t ready to tell Buck the truth, wasn’t ready to tell him why he left him that night.

———————————————————----

Sometimes when he closed his eyes Buck could remember it, remember that infamous the night that changed everything, the night were he’d been bold enough to try to further things with Eddie, the night where he mistakenly thought that they were on the same page, that he shared his feeling, that he felt it too, that burning fire in the pit of his stomach, those butterflies that were tickling him, the painful yet delightful heartache you feel when in love, and then he’ll open his eyes, turn his head left on his bed and remember how cold and empty it had been the morning after.

He’ll remember how he didn’t smell coffee and burned eggs, how for two days Eddie’s ringtone didn’t chime, how it had been awkward when they crossed each other in the locker-room, he’d remember the not so discreet relieved sigh Eddie let after he’d pretended not to remember that night, he remembered how he felt his heart explode in his chest and how a void took it place, waking up without Eddie at his side hadn’t be the painfullest, no what hurt him the most was the clear relief he saw in the older man eyes, the guilt, the remorse, that what destroyed him…

———————————————————----

However Buck was an hopeless romantic, a dreamer, and even though some parts of him knew Eddie wouldn’t accept him, wouldn’t accept them, he couldn’t help but imagine a life where they would have been a family, couldn’t help himself from wearing the other man shirt when he felt low and lonely, couldn’t help but look at his reflection at his growing belly and picture Eddie and Chris there with him.

As fast as that fantasy came it was already gone, shaking himself from his slumber he quickly dressed up keeping Eddies shirt under his flannel, he didn’t took it off after changing in his uniform, it was cold after all and nobody would notice it, he was wrong thought…

———————————————————----

It was supposed to be a quiet day, a calm one, it was Sunday after all, nobody was reckless on Sunday, the call they had were just minor emergency, cliché emergency such as a cat stuck in a tree, or someone accepting a stupid dare, it was a painfully long day and Buck couldn’t wait to go home, go back to his bed, to his wallowing, go back to worry about what he was going to do next….

———————————————————----

It was supposed to be quiet, it was supposed to be safe, he wasn’t supposed to be on field, Bobby specifically told him, promised him that he would only solicit him for simple and safe field mission, neither of them had predicted the massive car crash, none of them predicted that Jameson would be forced to take the day off due to his kids giving him the flu they contracted, nobody predicted that one of the car would literally explode in front of them giving them déjà vu feeling of months ago…

People were screaming around them, they were panicking, running in search of shelter and safety, in search of reassurance, they desperately were trying to control the crowd, trying to take care of them without noticing that among themselves they were a victim…

Buck couldn’t move, he felt panic and bile raise up in his throat, he saw himself stuck under the stuck, he could taste the blood on his tongue, the metallic and bitter taste of blood, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t utter a sound, everything was blurry around him, he tried to regain his composure, tried to calm down, tried to convince himself that he wasn’t stuck, he wasn’t hurt, he looked at his feet to shake the bad memories out of his head, to ground himself…

And then he felt it dripping down his leg, he saw it, the first drop of blood hitting the ground, he felt the dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he knew something was wrong with the baby, knew that he had to get to hospital fast.

Bobby was looking at him slightly worried, following Buck sight, remarking the four little drops at his feet, his eyes immediately went from Buck to Eddie, wondering if the older man knew...

-Bobby, Buck croaked frozen in place, Bobby, he hyperventilated, you have to take me to the nearest hospital, he cried panicking, I can’t...I, he teared before everything went black.

[moodcolors]

2019 Wrap!

It's the end of the century! And I was really hoping to try and write a decade-ender piece. But scrap that, what do I know back at the start of this century I didn't know I entered.

Before I begin writing my yearly wrap, I always try to look at the notes I left for the previous year's wrap. And honestly, I still haven't been able to check all of those boxes of 2019 expectations. I wasn't better at handling my emotions. I still freaked out a lot of times, still burst into tears, or in anger or in laughter. I still think a lot about what other people think of me. I still stop myself to do things just because I am afraid of what people thinks of me. I still am not as healthy as I want myself to be.

But hey! I was able to go to new beaches, got time to learn watercolor. And even though I kept on thinking about what other people think, I still was able to go out of my comfort zone and do the masscomm stuff I've always wanted to do at work!!! I also got to try doing casual low-carb diet. And I failed several times, but I'm so eager to get up and try again next year.

I am thankful for this year. I don't have a hard life lesson this year, but I took a lot of steps to self-love. Once I turned 23, a lot changed. I started caring more about myself, my home, and my future. These are big steps for such a small flag in me. I am so glad I took those steps, and I sure hope they'd set my future to be a bit more bearable. My everyday will always be an adventure that will shape me to be a better version of myself.

Here are some of the most memorable moments of my 2019:

Got myself an insurance and my parents their own health cards! It's like a big step to adulthood for me.

Got to visit the following places:

Cagbalete, Quezon - The sand Bar was hella great!

La Union - So sad I didn't get to enjoy the falls but it was still a great place to spend the weekend in.

-Pangasinan - Got to pray at Our Lady of Manaoag Church and eat their puto calasiao!!!

Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar - damn hella nice looking houses. Kinda want to get married here.

My brother got married and my first nephew was born!!! I love those three to bits.

I moved out of my place for a while and lived with my dad. It was weird for me at first, since I lived alone for 2 years. But I got used to it and I learned some life skills at their place.

Got transferred to a new team again (with a boss I'm thankful for) also learned a lot of new work things.

Got the opportunity to work from home. Also got myself a better desk and chair so I could feel more comfortable when working from home.

Learned two new things:

cook Adobo (and other simple dishes)

WaterColor

Dyed my hair red again! and redder than ever. Also cut my hair short. Again! and my fringe.

Bought mi 9t pro and hell, it's another bang for the buck! Also got to upgrade my laptop to an SSD!

So much happened this 2019 that a single post is honestly not enough for me to ponder on it. This year I got my mind to center on myself even for just a bit. I finally tried learning about myself. I had a lot of date sessions with myself and learned that it's totally fine to be with just me.I finally let go of my previous versions of myself and accepted that they may be gone for good because this is me now. I've always been so hung-up on my old self, always trying to have them back and show them. The events of this year drilled into me (hard) that they may be a lot of versions of myself floating around, that different people may know different versions of me, that there's a lot of 'me' in a single timeline and that's fine.

In 2020, I still plan on learning more about myself, exploring the world with just me.

Also:

I would want my POV towards work to be better - clearer. I hope to learn more about knowing my boundaries at work because honestly, more than anything else, this is where my boundaries are most blurry.

My interests in my own health may decline for a day, but I will always try my hardest to get back up on my feet.

I will also try my best to be better at handling my home. To be more masinop. To learn when to keep and let go things.

And lastly, people.

I hope you all had a good year and may the next year be fruitful for all of us still!

♡ ❀