#so sad I won't get to keep my little diary

[sxlphie]

Sometimes, I really wish I could return to keeping a diary so I can keep myself sharp and keep record of insignifcant little factoids about different stages of my life. However, I struggle a fair bit to handwrite with comfort and speed, so instead I just project my thoughts on Tumblr every so often

[yushi-ni]

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ KIM JAEHEE as your bf 🌳🧚🏼‍♀️🐾✨

꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ masterlist 🧚🏼✨🩵

kim jaehee as your (super cute) bf ⊹₊⟡⋆ so much fluff!!! just a lot of sweet love and affectionate energy towards each other!! no warnings other than some mentions of pda and physical touch!! 𐙚 hiii loves 🥹🥹✨🎀 omg it has been SUPERDUPER LONG i am so sorry. i hope i can make up for my absurd lack of activity with this cute jaehee headcannons. 🥺 hundred times sorry. i promise i won't just disappear again. thank you for waiting!!!! i hope you like this one and as always; any feedback - comments or other interactions with my work is highly appreciated!!! not proofread !! 🩷 HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!!!

──୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ──

♥︎ jaehee is literally the cutest boyfriend ever. your number one fan, bestest friend, real life diary etc etc etc. he is all you could possibly ever want AND MORE!!! he is your biggest supporter and will always always always be there, by your side, through everything

♥︎ jaehee is the type of person that needs to get used to someone before his real - bubbly self comes out. at first, he is a bit shy and hesitant to talk or interact with you (or anyone else tbh) and rather waits a little bit. it's not like he doesn't want to get close to you, no no no, there is nothing he would want more but he can't help himself.. he needs a little time to warm up but it will be so worth it!!!!

♥︎ once he is out of his little shy bubble, he can't get enough of you. will find an excuse at any time of the day to talk to you (or talk about you) wants to know everything about you; from your fav color, fav movie, your fav food when you were 6, to stuff like; if you prefer sneaker socks or high socks?

♥︎ he remembers all the things you tell him. almost as if he writes it down (definitely keeps notes on his phone about your fav snacks, drinks etc etc when you start dating so he can always bring you your fav foods!!!) also loves telling you silly things about himself; where he got his first little 'scar' as a kid when he was playing with his older brothers and his weird - almost questionable food combinations he swears by

♥︎ he is SO IN LOVE with you it's almost painful to watch (just kidding it's actually the cutest thing ever) he has literal heart eyes for you and his eyes light up as soon as he sees you. the same eyes that will always attentively look at you when you talk or ask him something. he is so genuine and kind, he just has the purest soul

♥︎ his friends are really happy for you guys. sometimes they wish he could kindly keep his lips shut about you just for a teeny tiny little second (in a joking way) but as time passed by, you all got really close and whenever you are not around they always ask where you are

♥︎ jaehee is not afraid for a little pda but he is still a bit shy when it comes to initiating the first touch whenever people are around yk?? as time goes by he grows more comfortable with it but please don't overthink his 'lack' of physical touch towards you because he is just a little shy.. BUT!!! on the other hand he LOVES when you get clingy with him. he can't help the huge smile on his face when he feels your arms sneak around his waist as you hug his tall figure from the back or when your hand finds his and you just play with his fingers. it makes him feel so warm and giddy inside

♥︎ won't admit it out loud but the rush of adoration and love going through his body when you link arms or take his hands to put his arms around your waist is so strong. even though he might not always be the one to take the first step, he will always 'answer' your silent requests to have him close. leans his head to rest on top of yours as he smiles to himself

♥︎ jaehee is a very mature person. yes he is still young and has a lot to learn about love - relationships - you and himself but he is always trying his best to be a good boyfriend to you. hates to see you upset and doesn't allow you to go to bed 'angry' or sad, always talks it out and will never judge you when you tell him what made you upset. he is SO BIG on reassurance, whether that's from him to you or the other way around, he thinks it's important to communicate and voice out your worries but also appreciation towards each other. never ever ever wants you guys to be in a situation where you won't feel comfortable sharing your honest feelings

♥︎ loves anniversaries and will honestly find a reason to celebrate any kind of day with you. trust you will get cute flowers or a little gift every monthly anniversary or every 'so many days' anniversaries but he is also silly enough to give you a handmade couple keychain (with a little help from sakuya) for random things he made up himself; first picnic date 'anniversary' or first time i slept over at your house 'anniversaries' are serious business for him

♥︎ as time passes by and you guys just fall in love more and more, you (and everyone around you) can just see his growth as a person. loving you does him good. his eyes are always genuinely sparkling with joy and his smile seems to be even more beautiful than it already was. your love and support is what keeps him going. you are his motivation and happiness and it's so precious to see how his already kind heart seems to grow bigger and bigger as time goes by

♥︎ jaehee LOVES every form of physical touch with you but nothing beats the feeling of your soft, small hands in his. whether you are walking around the park, taking the subway, hanging out at his dorm watching a movie with his friends; he just loves having your hand in his. it's a subtle yet very sweet gesture to him. it makes him feel like he can feel you close yet it's casual enough to not force himself onto you or the other way around

♥︎ sneaks pictures of you when you don't look (and also when you do look) loves your smile and the way you puff your cheeks when you are looking at something. has an album full of your pictures titled; "my pretty girl" on his phone and scrolls through the photos whenever he misses you. whenever you go out and he sees a possible 'picture spot' he tells you to go stand there so he can take a couple pictures of you. doesn't matter how it turns out, in his eyes you look amazing no matter what

♥︎ might not be the best skilled person in the kitchen but he loves cooking or baking together as a way of 'bonding' with each other. sends you the most random cookie recipes on tiktok with an excited; "we should try this!!!". he knows you like baking so he wants to improve his own skills so you can enjoy it together!!!! if you are from another country - culture; he loves learning cooking techniques and recipes from your own culture and he will definitely ask his mom to teach him her family recipes too so he can show you too

♥︎ prefers calls over texts. he rather hear your voice than reading your words. will always call you for a quick 'goodnight' whenever he has the chance, especially when he is overseas for work. it makes him feel closer to you even with the distance between you. but it's also ok if you or he himself doesn't have the time or possibility to speak on the phone. won't force it, he just simply enjoys it

♥︎ jaehee loves outdoor dates more than anything. a fun arcade or a renting bikes to bike along the han river; he just enjoys spending time with you doing fun things. will take you to the movie theater if you insist but prefers doing more active activities. will randomly text you; "are you free tomorrow at 8? yes. perfect. i will pick you up, wear something comfy!!!" and then take you on a ice skating date, just because

♥︎ doesn't care about your ethnicity - culture - color - past troubles etc etc he loves you for who you are. he is more than interested to get to know about your religion and cultural background. it doesn't change you as a person and he will never judge you for being your true self. that's what made him fall for you in the first place

♥︎ he has two older brothers so at times he will definitely ask his brothers for advice on more 'serious matters'. how to deal with your period for example or your sudden mood swings when you go in a little mute mode. he is young and still has a lot to learn so a little help from his hyungs is always appreciated

♥︎ matching couple items!!!!! jaehee likes having matching things like little accessories or even socks. pulls out his card before his eyes could even fully take in what he saw in the first place. his most recent find?? matching shinchan phone cases, pink for you and green for him. he thinks it's a cute and fun way to show you are a couple. also lowkey just wants to show you off to the world hihi

♥︎ jaehee as your bf is just pure love and joy. he is the sweetest person you could have ever wished for. he loves you and you love him and that's all that matters to him (and you) you are his person and he will do anything to make you happy and smile. because seeing you happy, makes him happy. you are just a perfect match for each other

[sirianasims]

The Don Diaries

As Don's Watcher, it's up to me to interpret and decide what to do with whatever this game (and my bajillion mods) throws at me. This is a huge part of what makes the game enjoyable for me and why I like using it for storytelling. However, sometimes it means making difficult decisions. Please be aware that today's update is a bit rough, and I encourage you to skip it if the topic of abortion makes you uncomfortable in any way.

More light-hearted shenanigans will follow tomorrow ❤️

First, a look behind the curtain. Despite Don and Miracle's chemistry, I had always ruled her out as The One for him. One of the main reasons is that Don is very family-oriented, and Miracle hates children. She doesn't want any, ever, and this is also one of the reasons Don hasn't seen her since Matteo was born (except for the wedding incident.)

I never got around to breaking them up officially though, but I was preparing to do so, since there's no way Don would keep dating a woman who hates to be around his precious son. We had enough of that from Gina, thank you very much.

And then this happened.

This put me in a tough situation. Since Miracle prefers non-exclusive relationships and hates children, I see her as a woman who prefers her freedom and isn't at all inclined to settle down in some sort of traditional family - and a family is all Don really wants.

I felt like there was only one thing to do, even if it made me genuinely a bit sad. It's strange how easily we get attached to these little pixel people and their lives.

Don agreed that it was the right thing, of course, and accompanied Miracle to the procedure, but he would also have been very happy to have more kids so I still felt bad for him.

I was also not prepared for the moodlets to go this hard.

Despite everything, they managed to end their relationship on decent terms, and I got Miracle's tubes tied and sent her off to live her best child-free life.

Meanwhile, Don went home to tuck in his son.

I hope this chapter isn't too much of a downer, I promise that I have taken certain precautions so this won't happen again.

And hey, at least Don's parents still have impeccable timing.

NOT TODAY MOM PLEASE

[blazingstar400]

Incorrect Scarlet and Violet Quotes Part 4

Even after all the quotes I wrote I still have so much more.

Kieran: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 pushups, drank green tea, and went for a 30 minute walk.

Juliana:

Juliana: When I woke up this morning, I spent a whole hour just waking up—

Drayton: Hey, what's up?

Kieran: I've been having heart pains lately.

Drayton: Seriously! When did this start?

Kieran: The pain started since Juli—

Drayton: No, not the pain, the part about you having a heart. Forgot you had one.

Kieran, who is so done with everything: Is it rude to kill yourself in the middle of class?

Nemona: You need to raise your hand and ask first.

Florian: You might need a hall pass for that.

Penny: You should've killed yourself in between classes. If I let you kill yourself now, everyone will want to kill themselves.

Juliana: How about we just don’t kill ourselves at all???

Carmine: Drayton sneezed earlier and I accidentally said ‘shut up’ instead of ‘bless you’.

Juliana: How do you accidentally say ‘shut up’ instead of ‘bless you’?

Florian: I can't believe Unovans don't call car parks, car parks.

Juliana: Is that where you bring your car on weekends so it can play with other cars or something?

Kieran: No, you idiot! It's where you park your freaking car!

Arven: Almost like an area of land, a lot if you will, for parking cars. A parking lot.

Penny: ...I keep imagining little Hondas on swing sets.

Florian: ....It makes me sad to think when I die, there's going to be thousands of books with stories I'm not able to read because I died…

Nemona: WHAT ABOUT TV SHOWS—

Penny: AND ALL THE FANDOMS YOU CAN'T BECOME A PART OF—

Kieran: And the people you won't get to see die.

Kieran: You're the strongest person I know.

Juliana: ....I believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Kieran: Don't get me wrong, you're still really annoying.

Kieran, writing: Dear Diary, how are you? I'm doing fine.

Kieran:

Kieran: Okay, you got me. I'm not fine. Geez, you're good…

Juliana: Are you still mad at me?

Kieran: Twinkle Twinkle little star.

Juliana, confused but sings along: How I wonder what you are?

Kieran: Wish I could hit you with a car.

Juliana: Okay, you're still mad.

Arven, holding a video camera: Penny, I want you to play the role of my mother.

Penny: I don’t want to be your mother.

Arven: Perfect you already know your lines.

Carmine: How long did you sleep?

Kieran: Eight.

Carmine: Hours?

Kieran: Minutes.

Nemona: I’ve been expecting you, Juliana.

Juliana: How did you do that without turning around?

Nemona: Let’s just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

Juliana: Can I go ride my bike outside?

Rika: Do what you want. I’m not your mom.

Rika: *rushes after her a few moments later*

Rika: NOT IN THE FREEWAY—!

[kurithedweeb]

I am dying for your rewrite, I won't lie. I desperately need interactions between Laurence and Garroth, and also Garroth and Zenix. Zenix being Garroth's son is so overlooked

I know you, I've seen you on a bunch of my posts!! Hi :D

At the point I'm at in the full fic Garroth and Laurance haven't actually met yet, but I do have their first meeting all planned out. They're fairly cordial and all business at first, but they quickly become friends and get very close as pen pals, so we'll see pieces of letters between them up until Laurance gets stuck in the Nether, all of which Garroth keeps and will sometimes look back on later.

Garroth is the one who cares for Laurance when he appears post-Nether in Phoenix Drop's outskirts. Laurance is blind and scared and in a moment of weakness he admits he's afraid to be alone in this state, so Garroth takes off his helmet and gives it to Laurance to hold as assurance that he's not going anywhere, because he knows that Garroth won't be seen in public without his helm.

I'm a little sad I don't have much fully written out for them, but!! The drabble that started this entire rewrite project is all about Garroth and Laurance and it's actually up on my Ao3 already!! You can find it in the rewrite's series here: My Love (My Love) - KuriTheDweeb - Minecraft Diaries - Aphmau (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own]

Onto Zenix and Garroth: I love them so much.

Okay, so, I swear this is important - I mentioned in the tags of one of my Shadow Knights posts that since there's no explicit canon on how Zenix died I made the executive decision that he accidentally started a house fire and was so mesmerized by the flame that he got pinned by a burning bookshelf or a falling beam and he died of his injuries, which also led to some head-trauma induced memory loss. He's covered in burns and his voice is rough from breathing in too much smoke and he had a number of broken bones from being crushed. Garroth says in Rebirth that he suspects Zenix doesn't like Aphmau because she reminds him too much of himself, that he was badly beaten and burned and could hardly remember anything when Garroth found him.

Garroth nursed him back to health, and this idea of Garroth having saved him and sheltered him and taken him on as an apprentice, taken him in like a son, of having given Zenix an entire life to live when he wasn't sure if he had one, is integral to Zenix's view of Garroth. He's utterly devoted to his pursuit of power and his own goals, yes, but he's also utterly devoted to Garroth. He's pledged himself to follow Garroth, not whoever's Lord or head guard but Garroth himself. He only ever hurts Garroth in the very rare moments where his personal goals absolutely have to come first, like when Garroth almost discovers where he's been keeping Lord Burt and he's forced to shoot Garroth to keep his secret.

Zenix is Garroth's most trusted guard. He'd do anything for Garroth, he'd never betray him, and Garroth has total faith in the strange boy he's taken in. He has such a fondness and pride for Zenix, look at his boy go! When everything is falling down around him, when he's struggling to hold the village together until a new Lord comes, Zenix is the only one of the guard he confides in because he has complete confidence that Zenix can handle the stress and trusts him to know what Garroth needs his help with.

They always patrol together, talking about anything and everything, and Garroth always tries to nudge Zenix into acting his age more. Or at least the age he believes Zenix to be. Garroth thinks he's a little too serious for his age, and he would know because so was he when he was younger.

Zenix has this whole idea about "It's the least I can do." Garroth trusts him with gathering reports and checking in on any injured guards at the start of Drop of Sunlight, things that aren't part of his usual list of tasks, and when he thanks him and tells him that he appreciates it Zenix says, "It's the least I can do."

Ever since Garroth first coaxed him into speaking after his throat healed, that's what he's always said. It's the least he could do, since Garroth saved him, since Garroth took him in, but Garroth doesn't understand what he's done to deserve such gratitude from Zenix. He always tries to set the record straight, whatever task it was was something out of Zenix's way and he really does appreciate it. Zenix gets all flustered about it, which makes Garroth happy to know that the young boy he first found in the woods is still there under all that serious attitude somewhere.

Let me tell you, I got so close to Garroth calling Zenix 'son' during this interaction, but I need to save the moment for later.

Rounding back to Zenix shooting Garroth. I've mentioned before that Garroth prays when he's treating someone's wounds or when he himself is dying. When he's been shot and Garroth is saying his prayers, he's asking for Zenix to be safe and that if this is the day he dies, which he completely believes he will, to let him hang on for just a few more hours until he knows Zenix is safe. Until he can see for himself that his boy is safe. Just a few more hours, just until then, and then death could take him. The first thing he asks about when he wakes up completely is if Zenix is okay, if he'd managed to make it home by himself

The inherent cycling tragedy of their dynamic, always circling around each other. Zenix's genuine remorse for doing the things he does to Phoenix Drop and Garroth, balanced by Garroth's sense of betrayal and the way he clings to the boy he once knew with the belief that he'd never do these things of his own volition.

Augh, I love to write them, I hope I can do them justice the way they deserve it.

[whorrorbellee]

Cherry Waves : two and a half

Ghostface! Danny Johnson x f!reader

Danny just had to save you. He just had to save your poor sad life. Knocking your sad frail body against fake plastic tiles. Shoving his fingers down your throat like a kid fishing for pennies. What was it you wrote in your diary? Your shiny white masked knight in a black shroud? Well how cute. Maybe it was time he kept a pet around.Just to play or course.18+ : eventual smut, themes of suicide (reader attempts), selfharm, sexual content, murder, themes of violence

ao3 prolouge masterlist

 11th August 1992

Roseville sure is something. Hot weather, Sunny skies. Rednecks. Everything I had wanted to avoid until now. Utah was great, born and raised. Left poor pa alone in the farmhouse at nineteen. Burnt to a crisp, the detective said. Goddamn alcoholic could never remember to see if the fire had gone dead before laying his head down on the pillow. Too damn bad. 

Danny Johnson would become Martin Lee the small town photographer somewhere in Arizona, and then I was Jack Mayfield, the slightly deplorable stoner writer in california. But in Pennsylvania Jed Olson was born. Kind hearted, protective. Red blooded american that wanted to uphold traditional family values. The type of guy you'd see a pretty blonde next to with six kids. Jed Olson was perfect and fucking irritating. He was the type of guy you would ask to set up shelves in your apartment. And god i fucking hated it, i still do. At first Jed was sweet, he could lend a hand. Enjoyed a cold one. Then where's your girlfriend Jed? Or maybe you're gay? I've got a daughter you could take out some time? When are you gonna settle down?

So in New York Jed Became colder. But the problem with New york. Half of my work got lost to gang violence and hate crimes, by the time i had figured out who Jed really was, Ghostface had been lost in a lineup of violent Men and petty thefts. So I moved smaller. Florida. Small baptist town wedge between Jacksonville and St. Augustine. You could hardly call it a town, in reality it was a housing estate with ten shops lined up, a couple of offices and three different churches, two within the town and the third connected to a road that led you straight out of roseville and into St.Augustine. It was perfect. Enough crazies to not get caught, drive close enough that someone out of town could come in and kill. And small enough to cause a frenzine. 

So while I was in New York, I took as many freelance photography jobs as I could. Let myself wake up with cheap instant coffee and gouged myself on instant ramen, until I had enough to buy a truck from a guy I knew and road-trip myself down to florida. 

And here I was, a man with very little to say in the matter. Even though I had a way with words. It took me less than five minutes to wedge myself into the crew at roseville gazette. Mike had welcomed me with open arms after I had fooled him with my American values. White picket, 2.5 kids and a cute dog laid out on a plate for him to stuff his face with. 

12 September 1992. 

One month has passed and I'm settled in at last. Work is fine. Writing about lost dogs and people who've found rings along the shore. Work is boring. It's not really my work, well it is.  But not the work I really want to do. In-fact , I'm craving it. I'm not sure how long I'm going to last. Sometimes I just want to take Adam's face and crush it between the wall and the door in the stairwell. And I won't! God I could never. Well I could.  Just not Adam. Adam is great. He's really perfect. He's so anxious and erratic everytime a crime is committed. When I start and I mean really start (not drive to Georgia and kill some rando) he's just going to snap. Linda is great. She keeps to herself and writes pieces about Best places to take your family this (insert month) or should your kids be having sugar?. 

There's a list in my head of who I want to take out. I haven't started watching just yet. Need to get adjusted to the town properly. I've been going on runs every night. Keep the stamina up and find out every slip road and street I can hide on. To the others I'm in a health kick. Waving past dog walkers and drunk teens. James told me he saw me running outside his house and that he'd wanted to get together for an early morning run the next sunday. And now there's a group of us at 6am. I drive to the closest diner after and order the biggest breakfast platter they have. 

Case no: 289 D75   Date: 5th July 1984

Reporting officer: DC Smith

Prepared by: PC Stein

Incident: Fire at the Johnson’s farm house on 4th July 1984 at 11pm . 

Event details: I was attending the 4th of July celebrations with my girlfriend. After the fireworks stopped at around 10:45. The family packed up and I asked if she wanted to head back to mine. We got to the farm house and the place was on fire. The house was practically black. We went to the nearest phone so I could call the emergency services. 

I thought my dad might have gone out. But when the fire was put out, they recovered his body. When I left him he was on the sofa passed out. He usually drinks whiskey. I knew it was him because of the white gold wedding ring around his neck.

30th september 1992

So Mike's niece has officially started her job. Which has ruined all plans of me developing my own photos in the office. I'm sure she couldn't help it. Nepo babied her way into a job. Fresh out college and straight into the office. Didn't even have to have a shitty barista job first. She's shy and slightly skittish. Pays no attention to where she's going. Always tripping over her own feet. The good thing is now we have software to edit photos after mike bought a one year package to see how far it gets us. 

She lives next to me. I passed her in the stairwell and walked behind her on the way home. 

She doesn't crack a smile when I do. Hardly ever reactive. Emotionless. Faked a smile on her first day before curling inward on her desk to jot something down. 

An enigma. Uncharmable .

16th October 1992

I didn't mean to do it. I was just a little rusty. I don't have time for mistakes. And I panicked. I dont panic. I never have. What little humanity I have left in me is reserved for good coffee and books. So I climbed into the wrong window that night. Mine was one over. A complete accident. Someone had swung a brick at my face and knocked me sideways. So I was a little puzzled when the bare apartment I lived in had a shitty two seater armchair and a pretty girl laid on it. And I had nearly turned away. But the pill bottle had glowed under the moonlight and headlights of late night drivers. When I had picked them up and the out of date pills rattled inside. I looked upon the pretty girl who I thought was asleep. Breathing erratic. Eyes rolling to the back of her head. Lying in a puddle of her own sweat. 

Well I just panicked. Picking up her body and rushing to the toilet. Scraped along plastic tiles. My hands held her up by her neck and I shoved two thick fingers down her throat until I had felt her gag. Barely held up by her knees. Watching her puke into the toilet. 

I should've left her there. Let the darkness swallow her up. Swelled in the bathroom. Let the police press a black body bag to her skin. Cracked tiled angel. Another lost to the hidden disease. And I gazed into her eyes, half shut. Her mouth opened as her head fell into the crook of my neck. Soft skin against the rough fabric of my shroud. I felt her heartbeat grow stronger. Poison exiting her body.

So instead I pressed her to the shower wall and washed her body, dressed her in the softest pyjamas I could find. Held her like my own. Held her like Piper wished I would. 

I won't make this mistake again.

[vickyvicarious]

She is quite odd in one thing: she will not admit to me that there is any cause for restlessness; or if there be, she does not understand it herself.

And here we have it. Lucy won't talk about what's bothering her. Well, or she herself doesn't know... but I definitely lean towards the former. I feel so sad for her, because I know that she hides her problems because that's what she's always had to do.

Lucy was really tired, and we intended to creep off to bed as soon as we could. The young curate came in, however, and Mrs. Westenra asked him to stay for supper. Lucy and I had both a fight for it with the dusty miller; I know it was a hard fight on my part, and I am quite heroic.

The girls have just come back from a four hour walk (roughly two hours to Robin's Hood Pier according to google maps) and are exhausted. I understand social rules affect everything, but I can't help feeling that Mrs. Westenra failing to notice her daughter (and guest)'s tiredness is very characteristic of her. She does what she wants and Lucy just has to fake a smile and go along with it. In this case, that means pretending to be interested in what he has to say when she wants nothing more than to get to bed. In general, it probably means hiding any negative feelings she has.

(I love Mina calling herself "quite heroic" here. She's joking of course, but little does she know it is one hundred percent true.)

I am so happy to-night, because dear Lucy seems better. I really believe she has turned the corner, and that we are over her troubles with dreaming. I should be quite happy if I only knew if Jonathan.... God bless and keep him.

Mina said that she was only writing tonight because she had made her diary a duty, and there may be some truth to that. But I think a part of it is also her wanting to get down on paper her hope for Lucy, and her satisfaction at having something good happen. Not just that - making it happen. It was Mina's idea to go on that walk, and it was lovely, and she thinks it has helped Lucy. That's both a big relief and something to be proud of. A better note to finish the day on than the earlier distress from the funeral. Of course, even then she couldn't help but think of and worry over Jonathan at the end. I think the cut off part is "if Jonathan is alive", at least in her thoughts. If she had written an end to that sentence it would probably be more like "if Jonathan is well," but that would still be failing to voice everything. And the fact that she does trail off feels like she's having an even harder time. She knows he can't be well at this point, so she can't write that. But she can't bear to put into words her true fears.

[woodsfae]

B5 s04e02 Whatever Happened To Mr Garibaldi?  previous episode - table of contents

Hm, I don't remember Dr Franklin getting a voiceover episode before. He sounds so detatched. Nine days since Sheridan was presumed dead and Garibaldi disappeared, and the League has dissolved as everyone split back to their homeworlds. 

Lennier being a real g, coming to get help for Delenn. She isn't handling Sheridan's presumed death well, I imagine.

Sheridan is also not handling his presumed death well. Trapped in a tunnel with a member of a mystery species who constantly discourages one from escaping would be a major downer. 

"If I tell you my name is Lorien...." says the person who also projects on Sheridan that he's upset the alien (Lorien?) won't tell Sheridan his name. 

He will tell Sheridan that Sheridan's dead, though. And he doesn't have a pulse, so Lorien must be correct about that. It would be very irritating to be dead, feel alive, and then also be trapped in some kind of purgatory with Lorien. Tells you what you think, what you question, refuses to answer those questions, makes some more annoying statements. 

Lorien seems like...some sort of entity that lives in/is Z'Ha'Dum? But doesn't really seem to be a Shadow or aligned with them. Definitely not a plot point I saw coming.  

G'Kar is seeking some information from a salvage reseller on Garibaldi. The reseller found his Starfury, but all G'Kar got out of him before the ruckus was that he got a tip. 

So Garibaldi doesn't have a mode of transportation, wherever he is being held. 

Delenn thinks it's her fault that Sheridan died and the alliance fell apart. She's really beating herself up for never mentioning to Sheridan that theoretically, his wife could be alive. But really, he was told. He knew that no one would survive unless they turned to the Shadows, and that Anna would never help destroy the galaxy. Ergo, Anna's dead. 

"I should have loved him less and trusted him more," sadder words never spoke. 

Marcus and G'Kar seem to be somewhere else than B5. I did wonder if G'Kar was actually leaving on his search. I thought Franklin was leaving on his walk but he was just doing laps on the space station. 

G'Kar and Marcus have a sad little heart-to-heart while they're hiding out from the officials.

G'Kar: I came because Garibaldi is the only friend I've got who isn't Narnuan. Marcus: Ouch, well, I came because you're my only Narnuan friend and btw most of my friends are dead. 

The bartender's only question when informed that G'Kar has a bounty for alive or dead is to ask which one is higher. But before he can do anything about it, Marcus has kidnapped him for an interrogation! da da dum. 

Dr Franklin is much better at being reassuring when he isn't hitting on his patient. Unfortunate that was a plotline for him more than once, lol. 

Awww. Delenn gets a moment of happiness, watching one of Sheridan's personal logs where he talks about how much he loves her. 

G'Kar sent Marcus away to find out who Montagne is - the information he learned from the bartender - and immediately gets shot and captured by the officials...wherever G'Kar is. 

Delenn has been reinvigorated and is planning a new initiative with some hardy volunteers who aren't put-off by her extremely suicidal plan to attack Z'Ha'Dum. 

"As a dear friend said to me: "If you're falling off a mountain, you might as well try to fly...""

Ma'am you got that from Sheridan's diary personal log.

Londo is an excellent suck-up. 

ahaha, that's such a tiny bell th Emperor keeps around. 

G'Kar has been delivered to the Emperor, who is gifting him (gag) to Londo. 

Huh. G'Kar is dedicated to his task of find Garibaldi...he asks the Emperor if he knows where Garibaldi is! 

Flash to Garibaldi - imprisoned and being interrogated. What happened after he was removed From Babylon 5? He refuses to answer and also wrecks his cell before being gassed out. That tracks for him. 

Londo, somewhat compassionately, lays out the situation for G'Kar. He says he would have killed G'Kar with dignity if he was tired of living, but since he left B5, made himself vulnerable, and was captured, he'll be tortured for days or months, then surgically disassembled while being kept alive and conscious as long as possible. 

And then he says that G'Kar may be the means he has been waiting for to remove the Emperor. But G'Kar will certainly suffer greatly before it can be manuevered. That's not much comfort thanks, Londo. 

Does G'Kar get to go down in history as the Narn who killed two consecutive Centauri Emperors?! That's badass if so, unfortunate about the past and upcoming torture. 

G'Kar says he'll do it if Londo makes the Centauri withdraw from Narn afterwards. And Londo gives his word. 

Something tells me the Shadows are going to possess him and not let him do it? 

Back to Sheridan - back to where he started by his fire in the cave where he woke up. Lorien tells him to give up, but Sheridan' won't give up. Lorien, who claims to be not one of the first ones, but the first one of the elder beings that disappeared. He says he's been waiting for someone to talk to but that Sheridan is the first one to make it that far. 

He also says the Shadows come to Z'Ha'Dum because of him, and they think they're paying respect. That's so funny, tho. 

Lore drop from Lorien continues. Vorlons can break off pieces of their consciousnesses and attach them to other beings and thereby travel in multiple places throughout the galaxy. Lorien says he and Kosh both need to give up and die. 

Sheridan says he won't, because people depend on him. Lorien insists that he isn't pursuing life, he's fleeing death, so he has to give up and accept death so he can live. 

It's. Alright as a plotline I guess. But the paradoxical life/death thing is mostly just funny. He's reassuring Sheridan into accepting death by promising he'll try to keep Sheridan alive. Which...seems to contradict the requirement that he accept death. How can he give in, if he's clinging to hope? 

Eh, I guess I'll find out.

the legend continues...

[that1nerd-20]

Hey yall, I need some help. So hopefully in about 2 years I'll be able to get a puppy. My dad (who I still live with, sad I know) wants to wait because right now we're not ready for another dog. (We currently have a dog, the cat further down in my blog is my mom's cat, if it's still there) he also won't let me if our current dog isn't doing good at that time. But anyways I'm thinking about getting a chocolate lab puppy. I know for sure I'm getting a lab but I want to get a chocolate one. I've picked out some names already because I like doing that. I want some help thinking of more names. I tagged a bunch of Fandoms so hopefully I can get some nerdy names but I also want hilarious names!

Our current list: favorites of each category are in purple, eliminated are crossed

The "love" ones: Bucky (Marvel), Boone (Twisters), Coffee Beans or Beans (nickname(nn)), Butter, Captain Wigglebutt or Wiggles (nn), Meatball, Moose, Godzilla, Bandit, Bruno, Guinness, Diesel, Sparrow, Milo, Baloo (Jungle Book), Perceus or Percy/Perc (Percy Jackson), Winston (after a horse i used to ride), Balto (Balto), Bowser (Mario)

The "really liked" ones: Rocket (Marvel), Rooster (Top Gun), Jensen (the Actor), Potato, Brownie, Caesar, Scooter, Reuben or Roo, Cappuccino or Cap, Angus or Gus (Disney's Brave), Dakota or Kota, Hawk, Drogo (GOT), damon (vampire diaries)

The "liked" ones: Bruce (Harley Quinn), Tyler (Twisters), Raleigh (Pacific rim), Walter or Wally, Mudflap, Otis (Chicago Fire), Simon or Si (cod ig), Tango, Halo, Wedge, Equinox or Quin/Nox, Pluto (the planet)

The "not my favorite but they're good names" ones: Maverick (Top Gun), Logan (Xmen)

So please, message me, reblog this, comment what ever, tell me some good names whether they be Fandom related, just down right funny, or both. One thing, try to keep a little bit to the theme of him being a chocolate lab and a male. Like coffee beans because they're brown and I think Beans would be a hilarious names. If the name has a nickname please tell me that too. Thank you everyone!!!

[soo-won]

Yona and Keishuk as representations of Suwon's feelings and pragmatism.

Disclaimer: Yona, Keishuk and Suwon are obviously their own persons with dozens of more layers than what I talk about in this post. The scenes I use as examples are also about much more than what I use them for here. All of this is just one way I like to read things and I don't claim that the manga is meant to be read that way at all (the contrary honestly). This is just me having fun overanalyzing everything.

Something that has been on my mind since chapter 232 now, is the idea that Yona and Keishuk represent perfectly the duality inside of Suwon. I have loved this trio for all the potential they hold since the castle arc now, and I didn't get as much as I wanted with them at all but this specific page of chapter 232 still makes me "oooooh".

(Long post under the cut. sorry)

I know the important part comes just after with the "You are needed." Suwon-Yona scene, but I think the composition is super interesting here. Yona and Keishuk are having a full conversation, debating over what to do about Mei-nyan, and Suwon doesn't participate at all (he only enters the conversation next page but doesn't say anything on that matter specifically until chapter 233, when he makes his decision). As if quietly listening to both sides and considering all the points they present. Yes saving Mei-nyan is a bother, why should they do so much for one captive? Yes it's also dangerous to let her in enemy hands given the informations she has against Suwon. It's not farfetched to imagine Suwon can agree to both of their statements. Suwon is hidden by the bubbles of their conversation, erasing himself to give room to their discussion. It's as if we were inside Suwon's head and being a spectator of his trains of thoughts, as if Yona and Keishuk were two parts of Suwon's psyche. They're obviously their own independant characters outside of that with their own merits and personality etc ect but I think it's still interesting to read their dynamic this way.

After all, didn't Yona always represent for Suwon his own feelings? And Keishuk the lack of them? Discarding Yona (and Hak, but I think Yona especially represents that) has always been synonym to discarding his feelings. By discarding her, Suwon discards that he is not a 100% impartial human being that loves (and hates) some people more than others, and that he actually cares and cannot always 100% control his heart. The reason he discarded Yona when the coup happened is because his feelings don't matter from that point on and are directly in the way of his goals. And one of the reason he rejected her so much in the castle and kai battle arcs is exactly because she means something special to him and she keeps trying to appeal to Suwon's heart and feelings (by making several references to Yonhi for example, but also simply by being herself and asking Suwon to save the prisoners, etc) and tries to make the situations personal, two things that Suwon forced himself to stop and not do for a plethora of reasons I won't develop here.

(About Yonhi, the manga has made a connection between Yona and Yonhi a few times? One thing is Yonhi's hairpin that Yona also wears on one of the magazine cover, and there are the few mentions Yona makes of her in front of Suwon. I don't think the manga tries to say that Yona=Yonhi at all, but rather that Yona acts as some sort of reminder of her to Suwon? After all, there's close to no one left in the world who knew her, and even less in the castle and around Suwon in contrast to how Suwon grew up and is surrounded by Yuhon's faction and people admiring him. But most people forgot about Yonhi or never thought much of her. So I assume post-diary Yona tries to balance things out a little bit on that aspect, showing that even if people see Suwon as Yuhon's successor, he is also at his core his mother's son and it's sad to pretend he is not.

In parallel, even if not as explicitely as Yona (as I don't remember Keishuk ever mentioning Yuhon in front of Suwon?) Keishuk is one of the many reminder of Yuhon to Suwon. Keishuk definitely isn't Yuhon either, but the way he thinks and his ideology are similar enough. So you could say that Yona and Keishuk are Yonhi and Yuhon's voices in the present.)

In parallel Keishuk represents the exact opposite of listening to your feelings. Keishuk needs analysis posts for him alone, but even though he is obviously not without emotions at all, his place and role by Suwon's side is precisely to present him things as objectively as possible and make the most practical and efficient decisions, leaning towards machiavellianism (and I love him for that <3). Plus, contrary to Suwon, Keishuk doesn't have any emotional attachment for Yona and Hak, so while Suwon can rarely think straight when it's about them, Keishuk can, and is essential. Suwon would have never made it like he's engaged to Yona, he would have never proposed an alliance with her in the first place, nor would he have asked her to support him on the battlefield on his own. Before the alliance, Keishuk also investigated on the DDHHB behind Suwon's back, and tried to kill Yona and Hak several times because he knew they would be/have become a nuisance, while Suwon overlooked what Yona could/does represent because of his feelings.

Keishuk takes the decisions Suwon can't. And I think a part of Suwon is aware of that. Keishuk is like a point of reference and the reason he has Keishuk by his side and lets him do all these things is because he agrees that these actions are sounded and benefit Kouka in some way. Suwon would have never imprisoned Hak himself, but when Keishuk tells him about it, Suwon doesn't object. When in chapter 2 Keishuk tells Suwon to kill Yona, he doesn't object either, and readies himself to do so.

Keishuk is Suwon's speaker. Suwon rarely voices his true thoughts but Keishuk as a proxy often gives us an idea. His personality makes him more snarky and they don't agree on everything, but Suwon knows that Keishuk will always absolutely prioritizes Kouka as a whole over everything else and he can trust that. And that's also why I think Keishuk can represent one part of Suwon's psyche. He is the part of Suwon that shows no remorse for his colder decisions and is resolved to make any sacrifices needed for the sake of his goals. He is the part of Suwon that refuses to let himself be moved by his emotions and unable to make sound decisions because of it, the part of himself that won't prioritize someone only out of love or compassion.

And Yona is you could say the speaker of Suwon's feelings. Take the Hak imprisonment fiasco for example. This is a moment that shows a bit of Keishuk's vulnerability, but if you decide to read every interaction between Keishuk and Yona as some kind of metaphor of Suwon's inner conflict it's also super interesting. Keishuk wants to kill Hak because he is a threat to Suwon's life: simple and straigthforward. Keishuk doesn't love Hak and is still afraid of the danger he represents for Suwon's life at that point and very much doesn't like how Hak tries to get closer to Suwon without his approval. These are points very specific to Keishuk as an individual, related to his backstory and his personality. But this very reactive answer to Hak suddenly getting too close to Suwon is also very befitting of how Suwon feels imo. Suwon doesn't know Hak was here at that point sure, but on a meta level rejecting Hak so extremely the second he gets too close and sees him at a weak point just makes sense. Hak was the very last person Suwon wanted to be seen by this way. And him not objecting to his imprisonment is for me a sign that he is okay with things this way. He doesn't want Hak to get close. It's better like this. If Hak gets close, he can't think straight in more way than one. So let's discard him.

But then Yona enters and stops Keishuk. This scene is meant to show Yona's development and how she is able to protect Hak her own way and how Hak's life is not something she will ever compromise on, things that are distinct to her as an individual as well. But if you see Yona's rise in the castle as the rise of Suwon's closeted feelings, getting harder and harder to repress, it also shows that it got to the point where these feelings directly clash with his usual mindset, that these feelings for Hak have enough power to put a curb on the "discard every piece in your way" ideology.

Suwon is a secretive person who learned to keep most of his thoughts and feelings to himself. He is by nature someone who doesn't react to tragedies the way you would expect him to, looking detached and unconcerned. But what Akayona showed again and again is that by no mean this is equal to him being indifferent and not feeling anything at all. This is just his way of processing and dealing with grief(I'm not gonna go on a tangent on how he can be read as neurodivergent but yeah. he's so real for that). Being openly emotional like Keishuk and Yona is just not who he is as a person, it happens but only rarely, so the two of them are the perfect proxy to show the turmoil going on in Suwon's heart. Whether it's when Suwon is annoyed and angry, or when he's worried about Hak's whereabouts, they're his voice. (Interestingly Keishuk seems to be the only one convinced Hak is dead and thinks as such. Something something Suwon swaying between hoping that Hak is still alive somewhere(like Yona) and giving up on that hope(like Keishuk).)

But Suwon is not Keishuk. And actually a lot of times when Keishuk advises Suwon to kill someone, Suwon compromises to only capturing and imprisoning them or even lets them escape in Yona and Hak's cases. And one of the way I choose to interpret the Kai battle arc like is that it's all about Suwon accepting his own feelings, that even if he agrees with his father's ideology, he is his own person and he can't keep discarding the part of him that cares and loves and worries and feels. He can't keep discarding Yona and Hak. Yes Yona is needed, his own feelings are needed.

And he is not Yona either. That's why he still sees saving Mei-nyan as a nuisance. Suwon is Suwon, and being able to look at things calmly and evalutating the risks and costs of an action over another and making his decisions based on that is still very much a part of him that you can't remove.

He is somewhere between Yona and Keishuk. A King who inherently prioritizes the bigger number over a few individuals, and yet someone who genuinely likes the people around him and can be swayed by his own emotions. He is very much both his parents' child. And he has to learn to reconcile both, without discarding one or the other.

Going even further, Yona being a proxy of Suwon's feelings fits perfectly the role she has now. She always tries to help the people that Suwon discards for his goals and he used to not let her do so, as a symbol for closing himself off completely, but now he accepts it (with still some reluctance but hey!) and knows he can entrust her with it. I don't think this is inherently a bad thing and it works well with Keishuk as a parallel again, as Suwon always entrusted him with all the logistics and the things he doesn't like to think about. Keishuk also often carries the bad role and direct the negativity at him (on purpose or not) so it doesn't reach Suwon. So like, to each their own role.

TDLR: Yona and Keishuk are like the little angel and devil on Suwon's shoulders respectively telling him to save and kill.

[haveievermentioned]

sending you back top 5 fic recs and top 5 fics you’re written for the ask game!! :)

Sorry this took so long! I got busy. Top Recs:

"You must fix your heart" series by @screechthemighty as much as I like Valhalla, it didn't come CLOSE to what I want from a post Ragnarok story like these fics do. They are kind of interlinked and honestly, after (Massive GoW ragnarok spoilers) this really helped me with all of that.

Angry Words by PoH. Actually anything by PoH. They are my best friend and all of their writing is fantastic. They Semi sincerely wrote fics about William Birkin having a love affair with the element fire, they wrote a GORGEOUS fic about Jack and the Little Sister's first Christmas on the surface, and a lot of great Ace Attorney and KH stuff that fill in blanks or are post series. But this is maybe the funniest ones they did (outside of William/Fire which was a sort of parody) where Xigbar gave Roxas and Xion a PS3 and a copy of Bioshock with no context and they learn about Swear words! Like "Communist!" and "Goddess!" It's great.

Dripping Diamonds (between my thighs) by @empresscirque Okay I haven't read it. But Empress is another fantastic friend and this is maybe their most popular piece. I skimmed it a bit and it's written really well. (Just not my ship, and they know that)

The Mallard Family by GreyLiliy as a MASSIVE Darkwing Duck fan I can't emphasize enough how much this completely changed how I thought of his yuppie neighbors, the muddlefoots.

Pearls of Portent by Zophaer Link/Mipha fic where Link wakes up with 7 of Mipha's eggs next to him. Link is mute, everyone is confused, it's really sweet and sad.

Okay, on to mine

As long as you should have lived - a Resident Evil post village story where Chris proposes a legally real but otherwise fake marriage to Mia in order to fulfill his promise to protect Rose. Mia agrees, and things don't go as well as they planned. Chris is a Demiromantic Asexual in here, Mia has loads of trauma to unpack from 7 and 8, and their fake honeymoon keeps running into complications, like Ethan's sister who never bought anything Chris said.

The Jecht/Maleficent series Kingdom Hearts universe, some time shortly after BBS, Maleficent mistimes a teleport and ends up on Destiny Islands, where she runs into Jecht - recently of Radiant Gardens - and falls ill. A combination of exoticism and Florence nightingale leads them to having a one night stand. After THAT it splits into 3 universes. In all of them, Jecht has promised to love her forever. In all of them, How that plays out depends on what happened right after that promise.

Italian Beef Sandwiches and Spaghetti! Introducing Chef Carmy! Look, in 2023, The Bear and Delicious Party Pretty Cure came out. Both stories had people using food to deal with dead family members. I had to smash them together, and I had a LOT of fun doing it. It was written before S2 came out so it's not exactly canon compliant even before the girls show up, but like... I had Yui and Carmy talk about food and dead relatives and Ritchie trying not to swear in front of kids.

You are not alone stand alone story in my Quadratum series, Sora figures out he's Aro Ace after being very confused by the X-files. Aya, Garrett, NieR, and Sora all have great moments, Ash gets introduced and as much as I love Xem, xeir pronouns make me frustrated (but non binary people deserve more non they/them rep) and Garrett also learns something about himself.

Welcome, Curious Friends a zine piece where Sora went to Phantom Manor and woke up looking at a ticket taker skeleton. It's got a mystery, it's got danger, it's got a LOT of catharsis for anyone who has ever wanted to punch (spoiler)

(honorable mention: Xion, the soap opera lover, Lover of the Light, The Secret Diary of Quincey Morris, Mia Goes Shopping, and Tell me it won't hurt.

[atefingersdagger]

Top (15) Song picks for Clato

(In no particular order)

Ya'aburnee - Halsey

Lyrics that remind me of Clato:

"Because the longing needs the leaving, and the loving needs the bleeding."

"I'll never know if there's danger in confession or its memory that blesses like a blade against my throat."

"But what's worse; Telling you my feelings or to die without revealing that you crawled inside my head and lit a fire there instead?"

"Take my life and take my soul."

"Darling, you will bury me before I bury you.

Every time I listen to this song, I think of Cato and Clove, then want to cry.

Running Up That Hill - Placebo (or Kate Bush)

Lyrics for them:

"It doesn't hurt me. You wanna feel how it feels? You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me."

"And if I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places."

"You don't want to hurt me, let's see how deep the bullet lies."

"Let me steal this moment from you now... let's exchange the experience."

"Be running up that hill, with no problems."

For this one, it's less about the meaning of the song and more about my memories. Placebo's cover was my introduction to this song, I know of it because of The Vampire Diaries (thanks to a girl named Tori) that I watched quite a bit (prime time Clato obsession for me). So it's just associated with them by the fact I used to listen to it while reading Clato fanfics on fanfiction .net, lmao.

Born to Die - Lana Del Rey

Lyrics I think fit:

"My heart it breaks, every step that I take."

"I was so confused as a little child, tryna take what I could get, scared that I couldn't find all the answers, honey."

"You like your girls insane."

"Don't make me sad, don't make me cry."

"Come and take a walk on the wild side."

"Choose your last words. This is the last time cause you and I, we were born to die."

This is probably the first song I associated with Clato 12 years ago when I was 10 years old. It's self-explanatory and so obvious, but I had to put it on here, lol. They were born for the Games and died for them, too.

Fear of Dying - Jack Off Jill

Lyrics fitting to Clato:

"I'm not afraid of standing still, I'm just afraid of being bored. I'm not afraid of speaking my mind, I'm just afraid of being ignored."

"I'm just afraid of losing, and I am afraid of dying without you."

"I'm not of being sick, I'm more afraid of being well. I'm not afraid to put the gun in my hand, I'm just afraid it will hurt like, hurt like hell."

"I'm not afraid of happy endings, I'm just afraid my life won't work that way."

"I'm not afraid of lying, but I am afraid of dying without you. Yes I do and I hope that you do too."

Cato and Clove don't want to die without the other by their side. Makes sense to me.

Headlock - Imogen Heap

Lyrics that I associate with Clato:

"You say it's too late to start, got your heart in a headlock."

"With big intention, still posted at your station."

"I've been walking, you've been hiding, and you look half dead half the dead."

"Monitoring you like machines do. You've still got it, I'm just keeping an eye."

"You know your better than this."

The song's themes of fearing to love, thinking it's too late because of the person you are now, is very Clato coded to me.

Strangelove - Depeche Mode

Lyrics that work:

"Strangelove, strange highs and lows."

"There'll be times when my crimes will seem almost unforgivable."

"I give in to sin because you have to make this life livable."

"I may appear to constantly be out of reach."

"Pain, will you return it?"

"I'll say it again, pain."

Their lives are full of pain, but hey, at least their love is strange.

Gimme Danger - Iggy & The Stooges

Lyrics for them:

"Gimme danger, little stranger, and I'll feel with you at ease."

"There's nothing left alive but a pair of glassy eyes. Raise my feelings one more time."

"Said die a little later. Why, no, little stranger?"

The song is low-key sexy and liberating, plus the danger aspect works for Cato and Clove

Every Other Freckle - Alt-J

Lyrics perfect to Clato:

"I want to share your mouthful. I want to do all the things your lungs do so well."

"Turn you inside out and lick you..."

"Gonna paw, paw at you."

"Devour me... if you really think that you can stomach me."

"I want every other freckle."

Not only is this song attractive, but it also fits Cato and Clove's desire for each other. In this case, Cato wants every other freckle of hers.

Die With A Smile - Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars

Lyrics relevant to Clato (and a little Everlark too):

"Nobody's promised tomorrow. So, I'm gonna love you every night like it's the last night."

"And our love's the only war worth fighting for."

"If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you. If the party was over and our time on earth was through, I'd wanna hold you just for a while."

"And die with a smile."

One of the sweeter songs that remind me of our resident weapon users.

2 Die 4 - Tove Lo

Lyrics for Clato:

"Cause I know I won't let you down."

"Look alive and come with me."

"Drag you out at midnight."

"You're to die for every day."

Smaller example, but the idea of thinking someone is so perfect that they are 2 die 4 is very Clato-esq. Tove-Lo's Cute & Cruel could also apply to them.

Desire - Meg Myers

Lyrics relevant to Clato:

"See, I gotta hunt you."

"Baby, I want to fuck you. I want to feel you in my bones."

"Boy, I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna tear into your soul."

"Desire, I'm hungry, and I hope you'll feed me."

"I wanna throw you to the hounds."

"Boy, I want to taste you. I wanna skin you with my tongue. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna lay you in the ground."

"I want it all."

"How do you want me."

This song is hot but also fits Clato's danger and their blood-colored glasses they have on the world. Mixing their danger with sensuality.

Human - Of Monsters and Men

Associated Lyrics:

"Cage me like an animal."

"A crown of gems and gold."

"Eat me like a cannibal. Chasing the neon throne."

"If I lose control, I feed the beast within."

"Breathe in, breathe out, and let the human in."

Cato and Clove are caged animals in the arena, chasing a throne of victory, those crown of gems and gold promised to them. And their care for each other is the human that they need to let in.

Saccharine - Jazmin Bean

Lyrics yet again:

"Every you make, you're fucking sweeter than a cake, I wanna cut you up and put you in my oven just to bake."

"I'd love to wipe these other bitches out, so it's just you and me."

"This shit is scaring me. The thought of caring for anyone makes me want to scream."

"Don't want to stick my fingers in this, or ill start to bleed."

"Looking at you makes me want to gouge out my eyes, bloody surprise, like cherry pies."

This song fits their bloodlust and fear of being genuinely close/loving. Especially Clove, where affection freaks her out, so she hides it with empty threats.

Wicked Games - Gemma Hayes

Lyrics pertaining to my babes:

"No one can save me but you. It's strange that desire will make foolish people do."

"I never dreamed I'd meet somebody like you. I lose somebody like you."

"What a wicked game to play; to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to say; you never felt this way. What a wicked thing to do; to make me dream of you."

"No, I don't want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) with you."

I've associated this song with Clato for about 12 years. While it's a cover, I prefer it over the original and think it fits them better. They're scared of loving someone they'll lose and in a wicked game, no less.

I Hate Everyone but You - Elita

Lyrics that fit Clato:

"I wish I could go out with you tonight, without wanting to murder everyone in sight."

"I want to share my feelings, but it's hard cause I haven't my whole life."

"You tell me it's okay, cause I fucking hate everyone but you."

Probably the shortest song here, but I imagine this song to fit Clove's discomfort with everyone but a few people and Cato feeling the same. (Plus, the album cover has like ten cool knives on it and I think Clove would fucking love that.)

Songs that almost made the list

Kiss with a Fist - Florence + The Machine

The One That Got Away - The Civil Wars

Stay (and Rude Boy) - Rihanna

Knockoff - Poppy

High School Sweethearts - Melanie Martinez

Too Afraid to Love You - The Black Keys

Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

And I Love Her - Kurt Cobain

[ilikerpgs]

Tales of the Abyss ending analysis

Yeah, everyone and their grandma already gave their opinions, and I know it's an open ending, and no matter the real outcome, the ending will always be bittersweet.

But!! Since I have now played the game, I felt like writing down a compilation of all details while it's fresh (from both what I noticed + people pointed out) that give base to the possibilities.

For the sake of not confusing ourselves, Luke is the protagonist, Asch is the original Luke, Mystery Luke is the post-credits guy.

Ok, first things first. Using the post-credits as reference, I'll split this into 4 things you can use to decide who Mystery Luke is:

The promise Mystery Luke mentions;

Tear cries;

Jade's reaction;

Mystery Luke visuals.

Ready?!

1 - The promise Mystery Luke mentions

Tear asks "why are you here?" Why is he here, indeed. I assume Tear's fonic hymn brought him back. But what if he came back from who-knows-where (the core?) a little before than that, found out how everyone would meet that night, only to make a cinematic appearance? It's been 2~3 years since the final battle (since Luke's coming-of-age cerimony is happening that day, which is Luke's 20th birthday), so there was enough time for him to reform his body and wander a little before showing up.

Anyway, back to her question! He answers there's a nice view of Hod there. See, this Hod is by default the point of meeting, because it was the last place they saw Luke. It also very close to Tataroo Valley, the point of Luke's journey start!

And now he adds. "And also I promised someone." Cool, cool. Let's start by discarding Natalia and Asch promise. The reason is simple, Asch already recognized it in two different moments: back in Sheridan, in the sunset scene and in Baticul, when he saves her and Luke from being executed. Natalia also let this promise go after she starts to want both Asch and Luke to follow their own paths and not be held back by expectations of their noble status and stuff. The only one who kept bringing it back from time to time was Luke, actually. So what's left? Not one, but there's actually TWO promises left!

The first is Luke's promise to his friends of coming back. Well, more specifically, to Tear. Because he only uses the word promise with her. Hence why he says "someone" (one person). If you want to be picky.

The second is Asch's promise of returning alive to Luke. Whoa?! Right after leaving Asch behind in the duel room, Luke makes him promise to survive. And he goes "Shut up! Fine, I promise."

Now, this brings us to the next point-

2 - Tear cries

You would think it's pretty obvious, huh? She cries because she's happy Luke is back! Wrong. What? OK, just maybe. You see, through the whole game, Luke keep all his memories and thoughts written down on his diary (medical orders lol). One of the entries has the following: "I wonder if she won't cry even after I die?" Well, what if Tear noticed something was different and this isn't really Luke. And then we would have the answer: yes, she actually would cry for you, Luke.

So, was it happy Tear(s) or sad Tear(s)? (sorry not sorry)

Now, talking about noticing things, here's the next point-

3 - Jade's reaction

Seeing his reaction the first time, I was so sure he was smiling! Then I wasn't so sure anymore. We don't know if he can listen to Tear and Mystery Luke word exchange. But he's observing the whole thing, the others start to move towards the pair and then there's this big focus on Jade reaction. Something comes to his mind and he gives a little gasp. And then he withers (I can't find a better word). What emotion is he holding back? Is he relieved or is he actually melancholic?

Now, we are talking about the guy whose one of the possible titles is Gambler at Heart. Right now he's finally seeing the results of his bet. Did he win? Did he lost? Was he wrong about the outcome of Luke's destiny? And even if he was, does it really mean Luke is back?

And finally, we get to the last point-

4 - Mystery Luke visuals

We stabilished Jade noticed something. And right after this, the camera goes to show Mystery Luke's back, and we see the Key of Lorelei. Asch is right handed, Luke is left handed. And the sword is positioned for a left handed person. What that means?

Woah, it's Luke?! But, wait. The hair is pretty long for a 2~3 years interval... ("my hair grows fast!", anyone? xD)

Which means... It's Asch's body?!

Not much to comment over the clothes, it's closer to Luke's taste (?) but we don't know where Mystery Luke got them. Fonic magic? Bought somewhere, if you like the idea of him coming back some time before the post-credit scene?

Anyway, in the end, I believe Mysterious Luke having Asch's body is the only sure thing, and here's why-

Bonus - Contamination effect

A "little" extra, some thoughts about the contamination effect and what Jade expected to happen (but didn't want to happen).

I was really excited for the sidequest sequence because I believed it would clear everything up. But!! It didn't? Let's go through what information we got from it.

Let's jump to the second part of this sidequest, when Jade talks to Star, the Cheagle. Someone pointed out that when we free Star back in Ortion Cavern, he was found in the Replica's cell. But Star says he's the Original. He claims that his replica (probably) died. And that he also died once, felt something flow into him and then wasn't dead anymore- and Replica Star was gone. We don't know how Original Star died, but for the sake of the argument, for now, let's say it's was due to the replica experiment side effect.

So the Original eventually dies, and the Replica is absorbed, making the Original come back to life. But wait, remember how we found him in the Replica's cell? Shouldn't we have found him in the Original's cell instead? What does that means?!

Easy. The Replica's body absorbed the fonons of the Original, and the latter took control of it. What Original Star felt was his own fonons flowing into his new body. So even though Original Star "died", he's the one who stayed, taking place of the Replica. Learning what happened, Jade questions if that meant Dist completed the perfect isofon research. So this is the result of creating a replica with perfect isofons.

Now, what happens to the Replica in this case? Is it erased? For the answer, we have the rest of the sidequest.

Third part of the sidequest, Jade talks to Spinoza. We find out that he tried to explain to Asch the effects of a perfect isofon creation, and here we get the concept of the "big bang". Asch was supposed to gradually grow weaker physically and fonic wise until the moment said "big bang" ocurred. But that explanation was misleading, and Jade quickly picks up that Asch got the wrong impression from it (thanks, Spinoza). Jade also thinks "it's too late", as in trying to correct him won't matter at this point, for what Asch already did until now was half motivated by the idea of dying soon. But we already know from Star's case that the Original doesn't really die.

Fourth and last part of the sidequest. Jade talks to Dist. He tells him Asch has died, but not from the big bang thing. Dist just brushes it off, saying that the big bang was probably already beggining. And then Jade says "maybe not!" and Dist goes "but that goes against your own theory!". And by the end of this, Dist adds "...his memories will remain" almost as an attempt to comfort Jade, that replies "no, nothing but his memories will remain."

If you take that literally, it's kinda confusing, because if the Replica's memories do remain, why Original Star didn't seem to recognize he had Replica Star's memories? So I lean to the idea that by "memories" is more like "memories of his existence" rather than "the raw memories that belonged to him"! haha

At this point, we arrive at Jade's logical expectation versus Jade's wishful thinking. If Jade's theory is right, Asch will take Luke's place. But if by some miracle or plot armor the big bang doesn't happen at all, or it happens the other way around, then Jade is wrong. And Jade hopes he is.

Now one more thing about the contamination effect outside of this sidequest chain.

After Asch dies, Luke feels something flow into him. Sounds familiar? Original Star said the same thing. But Luke is still Luke at this point. And then Jade asks if he felt something leave him. Luke just talk about feeling a little weak.

What is that about? Well, Luke receiving fonons from Asch is exactly what was to be expected from perfect isofons. The big bang is happening. If it was the opposite, then Luke would be the one to stay. But that isn't the case. Just like Jade predicted.

Well, you could question why only a bit of fonons were absorbed, like Asch sent specifically his hyperresonance power- Maybe there's no big bang at all, like Jade hoped.

But then, there's the scene right before Luke completes his deal with Lorelei. Jade gives outs his left hand for a shake and Luke raises he right for a second, like a reflex. Even though Luke is left-handed.

Big bag effect? Asch, is that you???

And finally, we have the cutscene of Luke carrying Asch. Right before changing to the outside scene, Asch's hand twitchs. Did Luke just reverse the big bang? Instead of Asch taking Luke's place, Luke takes Asch's place? Maybe because Asch died before the big bang took full effect?? (Even though Dist wasn't concerned about it...)

I think YES. Listen, Original Star never died. He was big banged into Replica Star. But Asch, an original, did die. And Jade has learned time and time again that you can't bring back the dead. There.

Oh, Asch's memories? Star didn't get any new memories. Luke won't, either.

Aaahh??

Like Mieu and Luke said: "I don't really understand it!" (lol)

Another bonus - Lorelei

I kinda of get why some people think Mystery Luke has Lorelei involved somewhere, but may I remind that Lorelei's final goal was to go to space and become the seventh fonon belt? He even goes woosh towards the sky in the post-final-battle cutscene.

Really, the only thing he does in the end is to congratulate Luke and leave.

Did I miss something??

Conclusion

I thought by the end of this I would find myself with an ambiguous conclusion, but as I wrote down, I got stuck with only one outcome.

Mysterious Luke' promise? It's Luke's "I'll be back" promise. Tear cries? Yes, of happiness (because she refuses to cry of sadness). Jade's reaction? "OH?!" to "Welp, you almost fooled me." Mystery Luke's visual? Questionable fashion. It's Luke. I mean- it's Asch's body, due to reverse big bang! Yes, if you follow my logic, Luke's back in Asch's body. No, no, I don't like it very much either. Lorelei is pure 7th fonon, couldn't he, like, fix both of them? Lolerei is the true villain, guys. Wasn't Asch tragic enough, he doesn't get another chance? Are you happy, Jade?? ('cause you doesn't seem like it, what are you hiding, man, stop it-)

(Also, Asch just can't keep any promises smh)

I don't see it as Luke taking over Asch. Asch died before any of it. Luke was just... Lucky.

I'll see myself out. (lol)

That's it! A reminder this is only my understanding of the whole thing.

...I kinda want to check out the ending of the manga and anime now, but the manga isn't fully available on internet, it seems. :o I may add something here after I rewatch the anime hehe

[linagram]

merry christmas from linagram!

merry christmas everyone.. merry christmas.. you get these guard plushies as a present. blessed miki plushie that says she forgives you and she will do anything to save you and cursed eiji and hinode plushies that drink your pepsi and say you're guilty and use the amnesia machine on you

this drawing in particular has t1 eiji and miki here but it's okay. it's okay

you can read the christmas special vd under the cut! also yes it's canon actually.

Hinode: So.. Christmas, huh? 

Miki: .. Hm? Is it Christmas already? 

Hinode: Well, if this calendar is to be believed.. 

Hinode: I've never imagined myself celebrating Christmas in a prison, haha. 

Miki: .. Right. 

Hinode: Is everything okay, Miki-san? You're not.. um, in a holiday mood? 

Miki: .. I guess. 

Hinode: Wait, what are these? So many boxes..

Miki: O-oh, I'm wrapping presents for the prisoners. 

Hinode: Really? Did they ask for something? 

Miki: I've asked them to write down what they want for Christmas and this morning I had everything prepared. I just need to make these things look.. well, like presents. 

Hinode: You still want them to have a nice Christmas even though they're in prison.. You are so kind, Miki-san. 

Miki: W-well, that's just a part of my job as this prison's goddess.. 

Hinode: "Goddess"?.. 

Miki: Never mind. 

Hinode: O-okay.. So, what did everyone ask for? 

Miki: Let's see.. 

Miki: Miyagawa-san asked for a diary. His head injury is slowly getting better, but his memory still isn't the best at the moment and he wants to write everything down so that he won't forget about it. He also just finds making notes useful. 

Miki: This diary here has a lock too. Miyagawa-san will have to come up with a password.. 

Hinode: W-what if he forgets the password too?.. 

Miki: .. Well, that won't be my problem. 

Miki: Aimi-chan asked for more cute hairclips. I have a lot of them here.. 

Miki: Though she actually asked for them not because she wants to use them for herself, but because she wants to do my hair. 

Miki: She said that my hair looks really messy these days. 

Hinode: To be honest, I can't help but agree with her. And what about your pigtails? 

Miki: .. I can't be bothered to take care of that. 

Miki: Ishizu-san asked for this anime figure. It looks pretty detailed. 

Miki: I find it interesting how he remembered the character's name, the title of the anime she's from, what this particular figure is called.. 

Miki: His memory really works well when it comes to things he likes. 

Miki: Chiba-san didn't know what to ask for at first, but then she wrote that her request might be a little bit too specific.. 

Miki: And she asked for a small glass figure of a cat.

Hinode: That's.. actually quite specific.

Miki: When I asked her about it, she said that she just misses her cat a lot. I offered to get her a plushie or something else that could remind her of her cat, but she said that she would like to have a glass figure specifically. 

Miki: She said that she used to.. collect them? But I don't remember her ever mentioning something like that..

Hinode: .. I think you should remember that detail just in case.

Hinode: Prisoners requesting something they wouldn't request in a different setting or situation should be considered suspicious. 

Hinode: I mean.. I've heard about what Riku did during the first trial.

Miki: .. Maybe you're right. I'll keep that in mind.

Miki: Now, Kei-san..

Miki: Kei-san asked for... spray paint?

Hinode: What is it with everyone suddenly getting new interests and hobbies..

Miki: When I asked him about it, he just went..

Miki: "Come on, Miki! I just want to make our prison more pretty! I want to make it more colorful! Everyone looks so sad these days.."

Miki: We can't ask Eiji-san about it right now, but I really doubt Kei-san really just.. "wants to make this prison more pretty".

Hinode: He's.. an interesting individual, that's for sure.

Miki: Now, Yoshioka-san..

Miki: Yoshioka-san asked for some new earrings and even described how she wants them to look like. She said that she just "kinda wants to try something new".

Miki: .. Even though it sounds like something she would ask for, I can't help but feel worried.

Hinode: Really? Why?

Miki: Yoshioka-san mentioned once that she got the earrings she wears now from her father. And if I'm not wrong, she has a very good relationship with her father.

Miki: So why would she.. suddenly want to get new earrings if these ones are so special to her?

Hinode: Huh..

Hinode: Well, Miki-san, I'm not sure what to say here, but..

Hinode: Usually something like that happens when a person gets disappointed in their family member and doesn't want to think about them.

Miki: ...

Miki: Also, Asahi-kun..

Miki: Asahi-kun's request was.. Here, let me read it.

Miki: "You know those stuffed animals that have stuff like candy or chocolate hidden inside and you can get it out when you unzip them? Yeah, I want one. Doesn't matter what it looks like, I care about the candy more anyway."

Hinode: His request is very in character for him, haha.

Hinode: But why would he ask for a plushie specifically? He can just ask for candy or whatever he wants to eat.

Miki: I don't know.

Miki: Maybe that's just him wanting to have something that he can play with. He's still a child after all.

Hinode: Oh, you're finally smiling. He really is important to you, isn't he?

Miki: .. Ahem.

Miki: So, Maruyama-san wrote..

Miki: "Whatever. Just give me whatever you want. Getting a gift from our savior is enough of an honor anyway."

Hinode: .. Yeah, the last part is definitely supposed to be sarcasm. 

Hinode: So, what did you decide to give her?

Miki: Well, here's the thing..

Miki: We never had to get whatever the prisoners asked for ourselves, we just.. had to ask everyone about their requests first and then write a list of the things we needed and everything appeared on the next day after that, we just had to bring everything to them.

Hinode: Actually.. How does this work?

Hinode: Does that mean someone else is.. buying these things for them? Or getting them from somewhere?

Hinode: Imagine if we had to go shopping for all these items. *laughs*

Miki: I don't know how this works.. And I'm not sure that I want to know.

Miki: But anyway, this morning, when I checked everyone's presents, I noticed that Maruyama-san's present was..

Miki: A letter.

Hinode: A letter?..

Miki: *nods*

Miki: I think it's also supposed to be from her.. manager?

Miki: It's signed too..

Miki: "Kanasawa Takame".

Hinode: Have you read the rest of the letter?

Miki: No, I didn't. To be honest, I just.. don't really care about their relationship.

Miki: I just want to know more about her crime and that's all.

Hinode: Hmm.. Well, we also can't be sure that this letter really was written by her manager.

Hinode: Maybe it's just someone who works here pretending to be her.

Hinode: *laughs* Imagine them writing this. That would be so funny.

Miki: If Maruyama-san realizes that this letter isn't actually from her manager..

Miki: .. I think she won't take it well.

Hinode: Well, that's what we have these things for, right?

Miki: .. Hinode-san, I will use these only when the prisoner is about to hurt someone or when it's okay to return their memories to them.

Hinode: Okay, okay. You're so strict.. You really are a perfect guard.

Hinode: .. I wonder what my brother has asked for.

Miki: His request actually wasn't that unique or out of the ordinary for him.

Miki: He just asked me for some hair dye again.

Hinode: Again?.. I thought he had already dyed his hair after the second trial. Wasn't it his first request after getting voted guilty?

Miki: He said that I got the wrong color for him.

Hinode: Oh..

Hinode: And what color did he actually want?

Miki: Black.

Hinode: Going back to his natural color, huh..

Miki: Finally, Himura-san..

Miki: .. She asked for a voice recorder.

Hinode: .. Are we even allowed to give her that?

Miki: Well, it's one of the presents, so.. I guess we are.

Miki: Listen, if I was allowed to give your brother a knife, I think voice recorder is more than okay.

Hinode: Well, I don't think whoever is in charge of this prison cares that much about the prisoners' safety, but if these prisoners find out something they weren't supposed to..

Miki: .. Whatever Himura-san does with this thing is none of my business.

Miki: A-anyway, I'm done with wrapping presents. Let's go, we shouldn't keep them waiting.

Miki: "I hope Eiji-san is doing okay.. I wish I could bring something to him as a present.."

***

???: Man, these prisoners are weird.

???: Spray paint? A cat glass figure?

???: I expected more from them.

???: To be honest, I have a bad feeling about this.

???: Really? Why?

???: I don't know, it's like..

???: Almost all of them are planning to use their presents in some way?

???: Why would someone request a voice recorder? Why would someone request spray paint? 

???: .. Are you telling me the third prisoner's gonna try to kill someone with an anime girl figure?

???: Do I look like I know what's going on inside his head?!

???: True.

???: Anyway, do you think you've done a good job with that letter?

???: I-I don't know. I've tried my best.

???: Well, now a poor lovestruck girl's mental health fully depends on how good you are at copying someone's handwriting, so..

???: If she snaps, that's gonna be on you~

???: Look, I'm already under too much pressure!..

???: Ehehe, it's okay. Come here, come here~

???: S-stop, this is embarrassing..

???: Also, do you think that girl.. you know.. has already watched the video I asked Jackalope to show her?

???: Well, judging by her suddenly asking for new earrings..

???: I think she's starting to understand something.

???: Do you think they will be mad at us?

???: Well, even if they will, who cares?

???: After all..

???: I am the real goddess of this place.

[wingsmombolo]

Hi Wing, and anyone who may read this. (?)

I have had this account for several years and I haven't really put it to good personal or creative use.

I realize now what a wonderful opportunity I haven't afforded myself by not accepting the Tumbler invite, to " write whatever you want."

My daughter is the writer. I have thoughts, opinions and memories in abundance, but I am not a writer.

Back in the day, I was a pretty good communicator, but seldom wrote of personal topics (for my own sake anyway). I dabbled in creative writing and more often wrote about things I felt strongly about or in response to an event or quotable quote that moved me and seldom from personal experiences.

It seemed indulgent and frivilous to write for my own sake, when life was always so busy and full. I never kept a diary nor could manage keeping up a journal, for any length of time anyway.

So, I plan to try using this space as my own little corner and experiment. I'm going to try being a bit adventurous and explore a bit. It seems like a safe and welcoming space.

I have hope enough to not just dream or reminisce, but plan!

I hope to write discoveries I find in current every day things (which is what makes up most of our lives), as well as reflect on matters long behind me.

Most of my energy and time, I will need to devote living in the present and matters still ahead of me, so I don't really know if I will be posting much of anything. (That is OK since there's no one to disappoint!)

It is just a wonderful thing to knowing I have this opportuity. Hoping for time, and most challenging the energy, to do this now; to express random thoughts and memories, or share other's creative contributions which have touched me and this old soul of mine.

I've been told since I was a young girl that I have an old soul. After passing my 69th birthday in August, I think it is fine that I have finally grown into it!

I have many things I wish to do which may be left undone, but I aim to have few regrets. Regret is a sad and useless emotion not deserving of my energy; better to not let it take hold and let it go so we can keep moving forward. Make things right or better than we found them. Thanking God for whom all blessings flow.

I am not only getting older, I have Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer that affects bone marrow which produces the blood cells in your body. My cancer was diagnosed early and is not an aggressive type, but my treatment is difficult and complicated because I have other conditions which worsen with chemotherapy, making treatment difficult and limiting available options.

Since there is no cure for Myeloma, continuing treatment to slow its progression is necessary for my wellbeing and if possible extend my life. I had a stem cell ( bone marrow) trsnsplant in 2021, and acheived a partial remission, then followed my maintenece chemotherapy which was suspended after severely suppressing my already compromised immune system. The 20 months off treatment gave the opportunity for my nlood counts to improve enough to have a hip joint replacement (2022) and shoulder joint replaced (2023), both of which improved my quailty of life greatly. I've had some opportunities to visit family & friends and enjoy being in the community again for small periods of time here now and again, ( with precautions ) but mostly I'm pretty isolated most of the time. I'm so grateful to have good friends & family and church family who lift me up and never forget me.

Living with chronic or serious health conditions for most of my full and busy life has been good though. Like everyine, there are good times and difficult times. Like most people, most of my growth have been in difficult times. I thank God for my time and that I am still here by his Grace. I trust in His plan for me.

I'm just taking this bit of time and space for my own sake. To express myself in writing which I won't discard ( I hope), but save here. There might not be a reader, but they will still be here. I writer needs an audience, but since I'm not a writer, if no ones reads these offerings, that's OK.

It will be my collection of Inspirational quotes, images of art, devotions and other ranfom ramblings I've never saved or organized before.

I still have work I need and want to do, for my loving family, treasured friends, church family and adopted community, so I will still devote most of my time and energy toward living fully in the present, appreciating the blessings in my life and staying as healthy as possible. Life is fluid and always feels for me, but the invite to write "whatever I want" motivates me enough try adding this to my day whenver I can!

Prayers & hugs until next time!

[shinypatrolhedgehog]

A couple of days ago I wrote about how I loved the Integration of covid into P Valley. Interestingly, there's a conversation on Twitter that debates covid storylines in the media.

I'm always two ways about it, appreciative or resentful.

Many shows incorporated COVID into the storyline. Some of us may have forgotten, but there was a sad showing of shows being cancelled or unable to shoot because of quarantines and positive cases. For media lovers, this was distressing, but more so because of the heightened emotions of the time. However, it was hard to be upset about it when you knew that it was all (ostensibly) in the interest of public health.

So, when some shows were able to get running again, a COVID storyline protected these workers. Incorporating masks and social distancing into a storyline protected the cast and crews of those shows, while also allowing them to work. Sure, it's a little jarring now, but for the time I remember feeling proud that these shows even survived past 2020.

I also think what's important is a nuanced depiction. Dont just imitate the news headlines of the year, really build it into the story and the characters. Make an effort. 2020 was awful, but there were some genuinely funny moments as well. There were bright spots people tend to forget with the overarching darkness of the time.

Some favorites off the top of my head:

P Valley

Grey's Anatomy

The Other Two

The Glass Onion

Shameless

But, sometimes it makes me resentful to see it yeah. Some shows or movies put a flash of 2020 and then just went business as usual. Those are the times when I'd rather them have just skipped to 2022. It just feels so disingenuous, like a mockery of a whole year of terror we all lived through! If you can't or you won't address it with the weight it deserves why bother at all? It's like throwing all of that pain, grief, and fear in my face and then going, well anyways-- Or even worse, it's made into some edgy punchline and just makes a full mockery of the millions that died.

At the end of the day I think it's important to have these depictions of what was real life. There were many things to remember about 2020, that choosing to actively forget the year is harmful to learning from everything that happened. The pandemic was awful but there were a lot of awesome people that year, people who worked tirelessly so that we could all get just get covid boosters and pretend the pandemics done. Creatives who churned out content to keep us from going stircrazy from boredom. Teachers, nurses, researchers who adapted to rapidly changing rules to help others while suffering the same conditions.

I just read this article by a UPenn researcher Guobin Yang titled, "Building a Public Culture of Pandemic Storytelling", from a year ago. In it he writes, "These voice diaries attest to the fact that during the pandemic, people sought creative ways to narrativize their experiences and make sense of the complexities of living within an unprecedented global crisis that touched every person."

We should be careful about thinking about the pandemic through sweeping generalizations that make it into a hollow, forgettable experience when all our experiences were so varied and complex and important, important enough to remember.